#he just won't let it go anymore
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"morning babe" 😳😂
#nhl#hockey#florida panthers#scf 2024#stanley cup champions#matthew tkachuk#lord stanley#he just won't let it go anymore
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2.12 Chimney Begins - 2.09 Hen Begins - 2.16 Bobby Begins Again - 7.04 Buck, Bothered and Bewildered
Tommy's family arc
#911#911edit#911 abc#911 show#911 spoilers#911 season 7#tommy kinard#evan buckley#evan 'buck' buckley#kinley#bucktommy#kinkley#tevan#pick a ship name you guys and thanks for picking tevan the most correct name#anyway analysis time!#looking back with Modern Knowledge tm about why tommy acts the way he does in the past... babygirl you were so closeted I'm so proud#babygirl was back there getting into narnia#he was so resistant to letting go of the pseudo-family he'd found at the 118 in chimney begins#even tho it was a good old boys club that he knew he really didn't fit into he was making himself fit because at least it was something#but then he let chimney in and then hen came around and he saw a very queer person being openly queer and not giving a fuck what they think#and I think his behavior in that episode was trying to support hen as much as he could without outing himself#because like. how do you give up years of relative safety with people who do care about you they just won't like you anymore if you're *you#then he meets buck in s7 which is like 10-20 years later timeline is fake and he's like oh. this is what unconditional family is#and he's like oh. maybe I can come back. maybe I can be part of this again somehow. maybe we've both grown enough#or at the very least he'll be close to something he never believed would really happen for him#rant over tevan my beloved tim minear pillow cold both sides god bless#my edits
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Inspired by this post, a really good discussion about it, and reassurance that life doesn't end after your twenties - quite the opposite in fact. Happy 43rd birthday Kaiba <3
#kaiba seto#seto kaiba#ygo#ygo dm#I KNOW IM LATE AJKSDHJASKF AGAIN#OTP: 'Kaiba x choosing over and over to live and keep going and reach out to the people already there waiting for him'#you can tag any ship you want tho lol#(shhhh in my secret extended brain universe)#(jou and anzu get together in their late 30s and between both of them CANNOT wrap a present)#(honda made the cake)#(yuugi will always answer the phone no matter how late)#(mokuba is family to all of them)#(isono has been offered several generous retirement packages and won't take them)#(he is going to SEE THESE KIDS THROUGH DAMN IT)#(Seto won't let him bodyguard anymore tho so mostly he just hangs around enjoying his seventies)#art tag
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CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER (bark), THRILLER (bark) NIGHT
Usopp's outfit is so funny for reals
He got the whole squad laughing
Luffy enablers at it again.... (Robin.... I know.....)
The humor panels so far have been so good!!! God this arc is so funny
HE SAID IT‼️‼️
They look like birds 😭😭
It's just too good... luffy taking cerberus and zombies what can't he do
It's just banger after banger what can I say
Franky feeling for other people because of his guilt complex and sanji lying through his teeth and pulling out the women excuse to seem unaffected... yeah
Look at them.... look how they ate
Omg joyboy reference?? (No)
Sanji is rubbing off on usopp.... also chopper noticing that is sogeking's weapon akdhaksjak
ANOTHER SLAY!!!!!
Their priorities: I'm not strong enough, there isn't enough food, and nami isn't here
Franky going from wanting to kill brook for his jokes to making a joke like his after he hears his backstory... exactly (Robin was already enabling him before the backstory even fdagjsfha)
Sanji is altering his body and actually being on fire to communicate to us how fucking mad he is..... I need more of him going insane I do I do
My god what is he doing ALDJALAJALA
AHSAHAHQHAH THEY ARE THE SAME!!! naaah sanji wouldn't force a woman to be his wife
You cant see me but I am nodding my head in agreement over and over
You don't understand he altered his body to communicate to us how mad he is. He inploded himself and then reconstituted again. Those germa 66 genes are insane
You tell em usopp!!!! The first of many girls you've scared into defeat!!! Akdjqknql
Zoro zombie regressed to not trusting robin akdjaks he's still in there
ROBI-CHO SUPLEX??? HELL YEAAAAAH
There is zosa- [GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT]
Super frapper gong.... he is doing combo shots with frobin... omg.... parents....
Everything is so fun I'm having such a good time reading.... and then zosan angst like damn I am being fed well here
#in the anime the guys didn't say they wanted to die aldjlajala for the kids luffy just wants to turn into a clam#thriller bark is so funny.... 'worst arc' my ass.... it's funny as hell and then we get zosan angst. best thing ever#same with skypiea but there we got really nice relationships betwen characters and nolan x calgara homoeroticism for the ages#and LORE for the ages. not like the kuma incident won't be talked about in the history books but yeah#everyone calling absalom perv salom... yeah#sanji in that fucking penguin never gets old.... also HELLO LOLA#moira fought against kaido and lost akdjsksnks is that why he became a warlord? just like whitebeard defeated crocodile?? out of spite??#also what is the land of ice where moira got oars? he also mentioned it before too... i thot he was referring to ryuma so it was wano but n#the legend of the continent puller who built a nation of villains.... okay okay oars....#oars was killed 500 years ago.... ✍️✍️ this somehow feels important bc of its closeness to the void century etc#zombie luffy oars wanting sanjis food.... 🚬🚬🚬 of course.....#oars luffy maintaining his dream... yeah yeah. also namis outfits for this arc are so sickening.... i miss them already#the zombie generals being at absalom's wedding... thats so funny..#luffy oars is so funny aldjslsn just making himself a hat and steering his giant ship... of course#you guys think they are going to make sanji mad about the clear clear fruit in the opla or completely ignore it bc his reasoning is bad#like it makes sense with the wci backstory it does but that would be spoilers lmao. so its either he wants to peep on women or nothing#i love the greek chorus of the two zombies telling the audience how they are both as bad in that regard. amazing#did ryuma use french for his attack.... there is zosan everywhere for tho-[GUNSHOTS]#zombie ryuma's design is also cool as hell.... his blood is literally fire.... come on now....#also zoro says he wants to act like this fight didnt happen... is that why he says fuck all in wano to hiyori? damn. he said i put shame#in you and your country but i will keep it quiet bc you gave me a cool sword and fight and i am actually so honorable. thats him yeah...#zombie zoro and sanji remaining tfait being that they hate (love fighting) each other... there is zosa-[GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT]#i forgot how much oars destroyed them... after enies lobby they seem untouchable but without their captain there... the gears are turning..#also btw i cannot believe im gonna get an answer about why the skypieans and the shandians have wings. thats insane#i am enjoying luffy oars so much it is so fun. trying to enjoy it bc i know i won't be laughing anymore once sabaody kicks in.... fuck me..#usopp and franky wanting to wait for luffy to beat oars down but zoro and sanji know... and they will KNOW soon enough....#i forgor kuma asked about ace to nami... what is going on. kuma coming from the warlord meeting too.... did he want to warn him??#he wanted to inform moria about balckbeard becoming a warlord omg here we go.... also moria being racist towards kuma hello???#and he strictly follows the government.... until here bc he lets luffy go.... christ.... he asks about ace bc he knew what blackbeard did..#reading one piece
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Bear with me for a second here, but I have been thinking about the curse that Gaius Ateius Capito uses on Crassus as he is heading out of Rome towards the East, especially in the way it is described in Plutarch:
But the thing is that Crassus does "escape" the curse. He and his son both die in Parthia, but the curse cannot die there. So Cassius survives, against all the odds, he should not have survived, but the curse needs someone to survive and to take it back to Rome. He drags that curse back, drags it back with the corpse of Crassus and with the corpse of Publius, and with the corpses of all the other Romans who died at Carrhea Parthia. Back to Rome to finish what it started - destroying the triumvirate that has divided Rome amongst themselves. So Cassius is the hand by which the curse operates - he organizes the plot against Caesar, he strikes a blow against him, and then, when another Caesar raises their head he leads the main resistance against him.
But! Killing Caesar is also an aberration in Roman politics. Killing Caesar is also a threat against the Republic. You can't just kill a senator and get away with it, and you've also released an even worse threat, a worse Caesar. Cassius also becomes a threat to the Republic, so at the end, the same hand of Cassius has to turn on himself.
#this week has been LONG and i am operating on too little hours of sleep so this is not the most eloquently worded thing in the world but!#the idea of Cassius and Brutus as both empty vessels through which forces larger than them are operating#but in completely different ways#and cassius as the curse bearer who drags the body of that curse drags the body of crassus and drags the body of publius back to Rome#it won't let go of me#also cassius stabbing brutus is like a gentle reminder - do NOT fuck around with the republic brutus#anyway#qui posts#gaius cassius longinus#LIKE the idea that cassius comes back wrong#he s always been a little wrong but after Parthia he is definitely not cassius anymore and brutus is the only one who can see it#just wait brutus it will be your turn soon
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You ever see a post that you agree with and you wanna add on your own two cents but your brain is like "Hmmmm.... nah. I wanna watch House MD clips instead."
#Like it's a good discussion about V3's narrative and why it doesn't work in some parts#Especially because from what I can remember#V3 was written and then Kodaka said “I'm done with Killing Games”#The bitterness/exhaustion of upkeeping a series when he clearly wanted to move on to do bigger and better things is probably--#--why V3 is the way it is#Why it's even called V3 in the first place#V3#53#53 seasons of a show/game#I wonder if part of Kodaka dreaded the idea of getting stuck on the same franchise for that long#That feeling of dread and resentment towards your own creation because people won't let you do the things YOU want to do must've felt like.#Really soul crushing#People joked about 100 Day Academy being just like DR but it's not actually like it. It's a whole different genre from what I know#it's a Survival Game. /Not/ a Killing Game.#And this is the game that Kodaka is putting his heart and soul into from what I've seen#Like he went into DEBT over this game you DO NOT go into debt over a creation unless you are insane about it#People joke about how he wants to write more DR content so bad but. I really doubt he actually does. Apparently nothing is stopping him.#I think he loves the thing he created sure#But he doesn't want to create anymore for it#He's /tired./#His exhaustion shows in how V3's narrative functions#As a creator he wants to do other shit and he was essentially being forced to create more of the same content. He was creatively stunted.#Editing the tags because apparently tumblr decided the other part of my rant was too much LMAO
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Custom suffering for Steve time:
Knocked a girl up, gets told by his parents she got rid of it, he finds out later that his parents told her to gtfo and never speak to Steve again. So, post High school at some point, he finds out that the little bit of guilt he's carried around for messing up the condom and getting her pregnant turns into a lot a bit of guilt because he wasn't there for her, and he missed years of his kid's life.
#angst#steve harrington#I'd argue for this being a 'they were both 14/15 and stupid'#type situration#and if you want to go with sudden baby acquisition#don't kill off the girl#just let her hit her breaking point#her family won't help anymore#and she figures she'll give the deadbeat dad a chance to step up#before she puts the kid up for adoption#and yes#it extra fucks him up#if she's assumed he's a piece of shit this whole time
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shima says all this stuff that at face value can seem like good advice ("don't get too hung up on decisions" etc) or does things that make it seem like he doesn't really care (him bunking off school, not interfering when mitsumi is being mocked in front of him). and it means he gives off this chill vibe on a surface level.
but when you understand the underlying reason why he thinks this way it becomes incredibly obvious that these words and actions are more an expression of how unhealthy his mental state is?
he's actively telling himself that stuff doesn't matter because when he *has* let them matter in his head, that's what led to the whole acting-mum-ririka scenarios. so, school doesn't really matter. theatre? he's done with that. it doesn't matter that he once "loved" acting when all he has now is a broken relationship with his mum and bad associations. much easier to not care.
it's a mix of what he tells himself and what he genuinely believes at this point. he's so conflict-avoidant that he pre-empts any possible tensions by being deliberately passive and prioritising (his perception of) others' feelings above himself. his very choice to agree to date mitsumi was a mix of his own unrecognised feelings towards her (which is why he jumped the gun when mitsumi hadn't even properly *asked*) and the idea that mitsumi liked him so he could do this for her and maybe it wouldn't be so bad. he's trying to pacify his idea of mitsumi's feelings without actually examining his own.
and at the same time, for someone so image-conscious, he has zero idea of the red flags he gives off sometimes. his perspective of love being that between a 'person' and a 'lover' it would be the 'person' you 'like' more being the most extreme example. he plain doesn't realise that his approach is atypical and so he doesn't realise he needs to 'counter' it in his image management. when people make fun of mitsumi in front of him he chooses the route he believes will lead to the least tension and is genuinely surprised when mitsumi *doesn't* want to prioritise group harmony above herself.
he's pushed his own feelings down until he no longer understands himself and it actively affects how he reads other people too. generally speaking, he *is* good at reading the social mood, but more specifically, he's good at figuring out *how to placate people*. there's a reason he's so popular. but he keeps individuals at a distance deliberately. most of the people he's closer to and/or more honest with are those who have known him from his acting days, before he started pushing people away. and when he's interacting one-to-one with people who actually know him like mukai? that's when the cracks start to show and the whole illusion breaks down.
#im not going anywhere with this. he's just. a mystery.#and I've not even started on how his avoidance/passiveness verges on selfish at times bc he's so focused trying to maintain peace#that he misses when he's hurting ppl. mitsumi the obvious one but also his whole dynamic w/ ririka. he's so caught up feeling guilty#that he just ends up feeding into ririka's idea that neither of them can be happy. ririka herself is only able to make progress when#shima finally puts his foot down and says he won't do this anymore. he'll let himself live.#skip to loafer#skip and loafer#stl manga spoilers
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personal rant
#it's not that i don't want my best friend to be happy but i just think that she needs to forget about this guy#she met him on some dating app they went on three dates and from the things she's told me since then it sounds like he's trying#to let her down gently and she's just really not getting it#and i'm over here also trying to not hurt her feelings and call her dumb for chasing this guy that doesn't sound like he's that interested#anymore based off of the things that she's said he's said#anyway.... im also a little annoyed that for YEARS i've talked about kpop and some nerdy fantasy series and stuff and she doesnt care at al#but then she starts talking to this guy and is immediately adopting his interests such as the same nerdy fantasy series#and also any time i have ever told her 'you should read/watch this bc i think youll like it' she wont go near it#and me telling her she would like it and should read/watch it actually makes her want to do it less#BUT now she's like listening to an audiobook of that series and just admitted to me that the reason she bought and read#and then of course really enjoyed this other book is because he mentioned it before#like seriously....#i don't know it annoys me because i feel like any time she gets into a guy she starts adopting his interests#she did this with one of her exes and that's when she got super into video games#i don't know#because she was also telling me what she liked about this book that she just read (which i've also read) and I'm like actually that kinda#sounds like she would probably like this other series too but i know if i recommend it she probably won't read it because i told her to
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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All my life I've been told by all kinds of people that they can never really tell what I'm feeling or what's going through my mind because apparently I'm always just hiding everything behind a smile so that I've become rather unreadable. And then he just. Takes one look at me and goes 'Yeah. I know that face, oh here we go again, she's about to unleash her thoughts. She's gonna bash that theory I just showed her so hard. Where's my popcorn?' I hadn't even said anything yet and he was already laughing.
And to be honest. It's quite nice to be known, actually.
#i only went to his office to ask if he wants to join me for lunch he didn't have time and yet i still somehow ended up staying for 1.5 hours#'thanks for the conversation' he said when i left. 'and thanks for keeping me from my work'#as if HE hadn't kept me from lunch when he kept our conversation going on and on with his 'wait i still wanted to show you this'#talking to him always feels like wellness for my brain somehow. like. we're different people but we think the same way.#i don't have to translate my thoughts to be understood he already gets my point before i've even finished my train of thought#every time work tires me out so much that it feels like i can't think straight anymore then i talk to him and suddenly my brain works again#and i like how he calls me out on my nonsense when i lose myself in a contradiction or don't say what i want to say or say what i don't mea#and he lets me go on extensive rants about statistics despite not knowing anything about it and doesn't even complain#he just always says 'i'll pretend i know what that means' and says i should learn it well so he can ask me for my help with it later#recently he came to me right after teaching saying 'you won't believe how much i just messed up. let me show you how i failed'#and then proceeded to recreate the entire situation and his thought process at that moment and i just#there is a very big word running around in my mind that i dare not speak of but maybe one day#i don't even know if he even sees me as much as a friend maybe i'm just some co-worker he likes talking to occasionally you know#what does it mean what does it all mean#ramblings
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Dealing with newcomer's embarrassment gets easier if you are surrounded by people you have no respect for.
#oh this other professional saw me do something stupid that messed up my paperwork?#but she does shady things worse than the mistake i just made on purpose to make a buck#oh i just said something dumb to my boss#give him a few hours and he'll say something even dumber to me#oh no the guy who has been working at this job for twenty years just saw me make a rookie mistake#agony abounds but he just did six other things a lot worse than I did all in one day so i'll live with it#oh no the manager is a little disappointed with my performance?#so what he's a pushover and he won't say or do anything about it anyway i'll do better next time#oh no my one coworker hates my guts#she hate's everyone else's guts too and literally never shuts up about it#i'm not special#it sounds kind of depressing--and it can be#but i have a lot of affection for these people regardless of their issues#i just don't really let my failures around them bother me too much anymore because i honestly don't care what these people think of me#i'm not going to make the same mistakes ever again#but i don't have to let this stuff keep me up at night because i did something wrong#if i'm not going to go to them for advice why do i care what they think about me?#it was something that i realized a few months ago and ever since it's made things a LOT easier to deal with#plus#these people aren't dwelling on my failures either#they all have their own stuff going on#yeah they might harp on it for a while bit new things will come up and eventually they forget#they aren't thinking about me that much anyway#XD
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sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg
#i was justttttt thinking that aw it's so sad that navratri music is playling everywhere and i don't have friends to go with#like last year atleast i had tuition sorta friends but now ive isolated them too it sucks#but i was like well it's okay ill do it when i grow up celebrate every festival i didn't get to in my house because we just never do#and then she calls and she's like let's go this club jahan every year famous hota hai full celebration#and i was like ehh i don't want to i don't even know how to play and ill have to convince dad for raat can't we just#go to a cafe or something dopahar mein uske liye i don't even need permission#and she even agreed but she sounded sad and disappointed about it so i was like well fuck it you want to go club na#and she was like yeahhh so i was like aagh okay and i asked and we're going tomorrow!!!!!#and it's so ridiculous like i just say i don't want to go but it's actually so exciting to go someplace other than a cafe!!!!#and i was complaining to her ki okay ill go but i won't dress up and five mins later me and mumma are making full outfit with dupatta#style decided jewellery she has saved for years that are specifically navratri types and she's like we'll get my blouse altered it's fine#you know being sick has really given me perspective on my parents#im not going to hate my mom anymore i never used to growing up i always thought she was brave but helpless#but a stupid day in 12th i realised when we were talking that technically she COULF get divorced she just#doesn't want to because she'll be alone and she thinks we're growing up and leaving anyway so why should she let go of financial#stability for us. which is wild to me because girl you can't buy anything you want without his permission so i don't understand what's the#point if he's rich or poor but whatever whatever she's been raised this way etc etc#but anyway being sick really made me realise who the real monster is😭 all dad did was shout horribly at me all the time#and was like don't you dare take meds they're fake this is all just junk food stop eating it and you'll be fine. when i was literally#having 103 FEVER.#and mom was the one who was making me different drinks juices cutting up fruits staying with me as i get my blood drawn#checking my fever sote jaagte#like wow i literally wouldn't have gotten better if it wasn't for her and i couldn't believe how attentive and nice she was being#like yes i understand she just thinks this is her duty she's just playing her role a mother a housewife but still#idk i just realized that okay atleast she's good at being a mother dad isn't even that why am i feeling good about him when his love#not even love his politeness is so fucking conditional#and mom healed me even tho i told her about clubbing and drinking lots of alcohol she's kinda against it because she's seen#horrible things in life family yucky men but still she understands ans trusts my sister mostly and know we just do it for fun and she#wasn't even mad!!!!!!! like wow ooay#moms love is actually not conditional for the first time in my life i felt like if i fall maybe she could be there to catch me and dad wld
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i think having TF2 as a special interest really early in my childhood influenced so many things about myself and my identity.... my gender is big men my sexuality is big men and my sense of humour is big men. i even named myself after the "very tiny and scrawny but still big" big man and i think about all the big men in TF2 on a semi daily basis,,,,,, anyway yeah i like the men in TF2 :)
#tf2#this post is nigh incomprehensible#this is the true effects of autism...... having such a big special interest that it literally influences half of your entire sense of self#i think this is why i feel gender euphoria playing crusty old source games#like i literally feel so connected to TF2 it's crazy#i'm currently listening to a TF2 YTPMV and have it in the corner of my screen and my brain is just going ''ahh... the song of my people''#i look at scout tf2 and i go ''he is just like me!!!''#man's got adhd and likes being an asshole to the other team on the battlefield and if that isn't relatable i don't know what is#i also occasionally play as engineer and i always put my sentries in the most bitchy spots ever#like you're taking a stroll over to the point and you're like ''oop. level 3 sentry that i can't get rid of because the fucker behind it-#-won't stop helicopter parenting it. welp.'' that's my gendar#scout main to engineer main redemption arc to scout main villain arc because my sentries kept exploding pipeline#that made absolutely zero sense.#i usually play on training mode because i'm too shy to play on casual again yet and let me tell you#the amount of times i've yelled at the engineer bots because they just won't build a damn dispenser next to their sentries is insane#like maintaining a sentry would be SO MUCH EASIER if you just built a dispenser nearby. like.#when you play engie you start to not even worry about your health anymore because you're too concerned with your metallic kids to care#it's like ''oh i'm at 2 hp. wow. OH SHIT MY SENTRY GOT HIT ONCE AND LOST A SINGLE BAR OF HP I NEED TO HEAL HIM!!!!! MY SON!!!'#and you never end up dead somehow because dispenser#and when you do die it's like torture looking at the spectating cam and seeing your sentry get shot at and not being there to help it#it's like ''nooo... my son.... please i need to heal my son..... i can't bare to watch''#i should invest in a wrangler.... hmmmm......#anyway this post is... so autism! it's great we love to see it!#autism#i'm very tired yet feel very energised.... i'm having a neurodivergent moment hang on#spy sappin my executive functioning#my brain is literally just 3 scouts and 2 engineers doing do si do with 'erectin a river' blasting really loud at the moment#YIPPEEKIYAHIYAAAAAHYKIYO - my brain when special interest
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Thinking abt Taru fresh out of the Abyss, out with his siblings and spotting a rabbit or small animal. Instincts & habit kicking in ( those seldom lasted long in the Abyss, get it while he can, bring it to share with Master- ), him immediately setting to hunt and kill the creature then proudly bringing it back to his family, all smiles and blood-spattered, and being utterly thrown by the fact that he was not met with mildly disinterested praise, but sheer horror instead-
#hc; tartaglia#blood mention tw#animal death mention tw#//Happens only ONCE#//Bc ONCE was enough to really make him realize he can't HAVE what he had in the Abyss anymore#//In some ways; it's a good thing; he supposes. He now won't have to worry about what & when he'll eat next#//Won't have to worry abt being stalked and ambushed by creatures that would give most anyone nightmares (he sure as hell has them)#//But now; he's just been so Altered from how he used to be#//He's restless; body honed to attack and defend from the monstrous threats he's dealt with all that time#//He's got a battlelust no one could ever hope to match; bc those harrowing experiences truly got to the point of THRILLING him#//He MISSES the way his Master looked after him; being treated so softly is just TOO much now#//Prolly had moments where he just had a total disconnect from his family; just couldn't really bond with them again until after he enliste#//Though I like to think maybe he was able to with his younger sibs; bc they were too young to Get the rammifications of what happened#//Lil Teucer always smiling so bright like the sun; when the others look at him with hopelessness or despair; always asking for stories#//Anthon; always trying to get in his arms; whenever he starts dissociating or makes a face bc the elder family members upset him some way#//Tonia; helping fix him up when he comes home after a brawl; her scolding the only he really listens to; him pledging to be her knight#//Him damn near resigning himself that they might be the only ones who love him after everything (he doesn't realize that's not true)#until he gets enlisted & becomes a Harbinger. His more 'behaved' self in their eyes being palatble enough for things to slowly return to#'normal'; even if they can all tell (save maybe the youngest ones) that something is still Off about him. But it's FINE; all FINE; now#//'Better than before'; they would say#//Which is why he would place SUCH value and favor on a partner that GETS that part of him. Who would ENABLE him rather than restrict#//He wouldn't ask for them too; but he will NOT let them go; EVER; once he realizes
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hmm
#having Thoughts that maybe i shouldnt be having#so i have a friend who's handsome hot nice kind sweet funny etc he's like the whole package#yesterday one of our friends told him i didnt have his contact saved on my phone and we (jokingly) made a whole thing out of it#so he took the convo from our gc to our private messages to let me know he had mine saved WITH A SUNFLOWER EMOJI NEXT TO MY NAME#bc ATTENTION according to him i am little flower and im radiant like the sun so = sunflower#like 🥹🥹🥹🥹❓❓❓❓#n then he told me i didnt have to change my pfp bc i alr looked pretty in it then he called me his love and today#we're all going to a party our friends' cheerleading squad is hosting right and he won't go bc he'll be busy that day#i was moping in the gc bc i wanted the promotional prices (im the only one who doesnt go to their uni n non student prices r higher) and#they weren't available anymore so he messaged me to tell me he'd help me go?? i said how he said he'd pay me the difference i was like 💀#so i said okay it's only like 10 bucks and he sent me 20 like hello? i know this doesnt sound like much but we're all broke college students#so like? why did he do it#he said if he wasn't able to go he'd like to at least help me go then sent me extra w a cute little message telling me to enjoy the party#and have fun and calling me a sweet pet name now im like . Confused#bottom line is idk if he's flirting and i probably won't bc a) he's already said he doesnt know to make a move on pretty girls and b) here's#the catch: we have a mutual friend who confessed to me like 3? months ago. i turned her down for a number of reasons n i also knew they had#hooked up before so when i said no ig they started hooking up/going out again? and i wasnt fully aware of that until like. last month#and prior to that i hit on him at a party at our friend's house and all he did was stand there kinda speechless 💀#so i took it as a no n moved on but now idk if its bc like. he was alr w her or he just got shy or if he actually just didnt want it at all#and im just imagining things. and circling back to it: i guess i wont find out bc 1) he won't do anything 2) idk whats the current status of#their relationship (ig over bc they weren't all over e/o at our last function) and 3) even if theyre not together anymore i absolutely would#not try anything behind our friend's back or w/o her knowledge or consent bc they did have something doesnt rly matter what it was and#shes still my friend above all so i gotta be mindful of her feelings for me AND for him and abt us or whatever#so yea thats something thats been on my mind since yesterday#im not like. suffering over it btw its just something on my mind that i wanted to share#i probably wont even do anything about it and then forget abt it next week lol#mari.txt#but also feel free to like comment on this or something i love it when yall r nosey lmfao
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