#he is kinda evil yk
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seiwas Ā· 2 months ago
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SEL MY SEL ā€¦ā€¦.. crawling over here for the ask game ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ you already know . who iā€™m going to ask for phdkdjdkdb IN MY DEFENSE I WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR VERSION OF HIM !!!!!!!
ā€¦.. sugu ā€¦.. with ā€™sunā€™ ā€¦ā€¦. maybe šŸ‘‰šŸ‘ˆ
(šŸµ <- a little matcha for your troubles ā€¦ good luck with the writing exercises my loveee <33 iā€™m cheering you on!!!)
ARI šŸ„¹šŸ„¹šŸ„¹šŸ„¹ hehe ofc i shall write sugu for u! writing him is always so fun šŸ„¹ thank you for the prompt, and for the matcha!! i will be sipping it as i write this šŸ„¹ it is not a trouble at alllll!! esp if it's for youuuuu šŸ«¶
contains: beautiful, gorgeous, sexy neighbor suguru, mood can be a bit unsettling... honestly a little stockholm syndrome-y (does this count as dark? idk šŸ˜­), skewed concept of reality and time
suguru + sun
you move into a new neighborhood on your 24th birthday.
it's a quaint house, fully furnished with wooden panels lining its contemporary build. you consider yourself lucky for finding a place this well-kept at the price point you offered. you're honestly surprised that suguru, your now landlord, accepted your application.
the area sits a few kilometers on the outskirts of the city, but it feels neither too quiet nor too busy; a perfect balance with an impressive view of the rising sun this early in the morning. that, and the people seem friendly, greeting you as they pass by. they even offer to help you haul things out of your car and into the house.
to the right of your house is one that holds the same design elements at yours, although a bit darker in its tones. it's sleek and modern, befitting of a bachelor.
"you must be the new tenant," a voice speaks from behind you, syrupy and smooth. you didn't even hear his footsteps.
when you turn around, you're met with a tall man who greets you with his arms held behind his back as he tilts his head low. there's a calmness that radiates off him, a sort of gentleness that signals heā€™s someone you can trust.
you nod, introducing yourself with your hand outstretched towards him.
"suguru," he replies as his fingers grab yours delicately. your eyes widen in surprise, recognizing the name, and he merely chuckles in return, a soft laugh that brings out kindness in his eyes.
"i should greet you properly," he lets go of your hand, placing it back behind him. "hello, new neighbor."
.
over shared breakfasts by your porch and impromptu dinners over at his, you grow a liking to suguru. he's polite and thoughtful, often knocking at your door in the mornings to offer you a cup of tea to watch the sunrise.
"you'll only find sunrises like this here," he leans back on the wooden chair you set out as outdoor furniture. his head tilts towards you slightly, impossibly close as you notice the corner of his lips curl up into a small grin.
hues of pinks, purples, and orange blend to illuminate his face perfectly. the sun is beautiful in front you, peeking between clouds as it inches away from the horizon, but something about him is infinitely more magnetic. your stare is immediately drawn to his lips, smooth and supple, before it meets his gaze.
you don't know what's worseā€•wanting to lean in or be pulled by the look in his eyes.
he fixes things that break in your home, always somehow knowing just when to show up. at first, it was your windows, the one by the attic, too high and dangerous for you to climb; then, it was your kitchen sink, its pipes regurgitating the water going down the drain. he's begun to bring you your groceries too, often asking for a list of what you need when he makes trips out of town.
your days blur easily when you're with suguru, and time passes almost fleetingly as you find your hours filled with soft laughs and touches so delicate you sometimes wonder whether they're real.
it should be noted, you think, how much time has passed since you first met himā€•an anniversary of some sort.
.
you learn that he owns both housesā€•his and the one you're currently renting. it once belonged to a friend who had to move for bigger, greater responsibilities elsewhere, he'd said.
"why did you decide on renting?" you ask him one night, over wine and candlelight.
your fingers fiddle with his as he sits you on his lap, this thing between you growing more intimate lately. he rubs his thumb along your thigh, resting his chin by your shoulder.
"you could have sold it or something."
he presses his lips gently on your collarbone.
"i could've," his fingers trail up to your waist, crossing your chest before landing on your chin, cupping it lightly to face him. your heart is hammering in your chest, senses on fire as his nose kisses yours. you think you can count every mole that dots his face beautiful. then, he inches closer, lips grazing yours as he whispers, "but i was waiting for you."
.
you mark each day at sunrise.
your digital clocks and calendars stopped working after some time, but you don't mind. suguru always tells you what date it is when you ask.
this morning, you wake up in his bed, and the sun is still as breathtaking as you remember it, the same pink, purple, and orange hues streaming through his window. when you look closely, the cloudsā€•
"good morning," he brings you tea in bed, his hair topped off with a bun, a half-up-half-down.
your stomach fills itself with something warm and fuzzy as you smile at him, "morning."
"slept well?" his hand reaches for your waist under the duvet, and you giggle, ticklish.
"very," you crane your neck to land a soft kiss on his lips. "what date is it today?"
"october 28," he supplies.
your eyebrows shoot up as you realize, "i have to bring my car to the mechanic."
it's been 6 months now since your last check, right before you moved, and though you barely use your car anyway, it's best to be safe.
you quickly move to get up but suguru's hand keeps you in place, firmly pressed on your waist.
"i'll do it," he says with a smile on his face, "you rest here."
.
you barely see your other neighbors except for the girl who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and the twins down the street.
when you ask suguru about it, he dismisses the question quickly, saying, "must have moved," as he urges you to take another sip of your tea.
you dream of them that night, on bare streets; it wakes you in a cold sweat, the image of your neighborhood reduced to just your house and suguru's.
.
this is the 200th sunrise since you started counting, which means this is the 200th day since you and suguru officially got together. kind of.
your gift for him is a painting of the sunrise, because it reminds you of him; and because it's become your favorite thing to look forward to, too.
the pinks and purples blend together beautifully as it contrasts with the orange hues, and the sun continues to peak above the horizon as it settles between clouds.
suguru kisses you when you give it to him, the taste of tea right on his tongue.
he frames it on his bedside, and when you wake in his room the next morning, it greets you along with the back of his head, fast asleep.
your eyes flit to the view outside his window, the same pinks, purples, and orange hues. you tilt your head curiously, brows furrowing. the sun stays at the same spot above the horizon, and when you look at the painting again, the clouds hold the same position and shape.
a chill washes over you, your hearbeat pounding.
.
"what date is it today?" you ask suguru as you wash the potatoes in the sink.
another bag of groceries from suguru. now that you think about it, you don't think you've ever gone to the grocery store since moving.
"is it important?" he responds, slightly snappy. you've begun to notice that he hates it when you ask lately.
you eye him from the side.
"i was thinking of preparing a menu of what we'll eat during the holidays, if it's near."
the furrow on his brows smooths out as you give your answer, and so he says, "december 5."
and you know something is wrong, because that can't be it. it doesn't make sense with the sunrises you've counted.
.
you dream again, more and more as the days go byā€•dirt roads and your house and suguru's, run-down and empty. more things start breaking in your apartment, and suguru always knows when they need to be fixed.
there's a deep, twisting feeling in your stomach that intensifies, festering under your skin; it worsens in the mornings, when you sit with suguru at your porch and you think you see a crack in the sunrise.
.
sunrise valley the place where the sun never sets! ā”€ā”€ā”€ beautiful, bright, and destined for people who live just like you! find your new home here.
[DISCONTINUED] ā€” FOR DEMOLITION ON DECEMBER 7. under investigation for suspicious spiritual activity and missing persons.
#suguru x reader#jjk x reader#shotorus.workbook#waaah i hope u like this ari!! its a little bit (really) different from the genre i typically write#but i was talking to niku abt it and she urged me to push for this kinda strange kinda spooky one#its not fwb sugu like how i normally write him but i hope it's still /him/ yk ? sAWB#some stuff about the blurb: he's not human ! he's a spirit ! not necessarily evil but i think definitely a little bit possessive#he lures people in and builds that 'neighbourhood' around them; kind of like a simulation ? the tea he serves is meant to keep#the people hallucinating !#and also in real life before all of this went down reader was looking for a home and saw the listing#reader sent an application without visiting bc desperate ! (idt u should ever do that irl tho haha) but yeah#so when reader drove up the first time to the location it was actually just a dirt road#but theres some magic juju at a border that makes reader pass out ! and he feeds them the tea and thats how reader thinks that#they drove all the way to the house and everything . basically believes in whatever suguru makes them see#there are lots of details i included that kind of mean smth more later on but i wont list them here anymore ! i hope u catch them eheh#the lore of the neighborhood is that satoru and suguru were gonna build it together but they had a falling out (haha)#bc of difference in opinion hahah and so the plan never really went thru and suguru got hella stressed by it and so on and on and on#which is why his spirit is here !#i had to cut it short ! bc it would have been hella long šŸ˜­ but i would have added more stuff in between if ever#if u have any questions abt this lmk ! whbshfbash i hope u like it wahhh its really different from what im used to writing!#ari.šŸ¦”#ask#rep#twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat
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cherrywperson Ā· 6 days ago
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lateposting . happy 1500 days anniversary to the election special ā¤ļø
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faaun Ā· 4 months ago
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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belovedcherie Ā· 9 months ago
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UPDATE NOBODY ASKED FOR I SURVIVED THE DAY (context in tags yippee !!)
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6mayhem Ā· 1 month ago
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ā€¼ļø#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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sweetest-honeybee Ā· 2 years ago
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Show the new hels? Pretty please?
Patho, Chuck, and whatever Iā€™ll be naming my hels jevin bc I havenā€™t decided yet :)
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catboybrain Ā· 1 year ago
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sniffles sadly. every day im so sad that fnaf didnt go with placing vanny into aftons role.... god forbid women do anything ! ! !
#just saw gtlive finish the first ending n like. urgh#maybe if i liked eclipse more i wouldnt mind how prevalent they r but woof man#like i get it its charlie and evil baby or whatever in the same body but come onnnnn#that and the candy cadet stories just bashing the same kid going into woods framework into the ground#i miss when it was like. this dude sewed 5 kittens together! this lady melted 7 keys! stuff like that yk that was different and scarier#i do rlly think the series is going toward this like polished marketable thing instead of the grimy sludge i liked .... </3 and the AI stuf#is sooooo boring like fuuuuck its so boring. i wouldnt mind if its charliebots bc at least theyre interesting !!!!#but mimic as the new villian? bro. dude. thats so boring come on... afton was interesting bc he was fucked up severly#and robots r just like. theyre just robots dude its not even scary its just a thing being programmed smh#without the afton behind it its kinda just ..... bleh#honestly i wish they would cap the story? like make vanny take aftons role; do some shit; end it in a tragic but cathartic way#and then if they want to make more games do either other families in universe (like fazbear frights) or prequels/ world building shit like#something set in circus babys pizza world or w/e .i mean you could argue its about cassie now but if her dad is bonnie bro we're still stuc#in the afton central place. and i dont like that hteyre moving on without wrapping up the 102938120 loose ends they already made URGH ! !#is it too much to ask for a fnaf game thats crusty round the edges and really metaphorical for theorists to dig into but logical enough it#can be solved and also creates a good plotline . yeah i guess hell will freeze over before that#d.txt#sorry im sooooo normal about fnaf <- is abnormal. fuhnaffs theories r GREAT thoguh i love that guy he makes me happy about the franchise :o
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cdroloisms Ā· 1 year ago
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Hi ! I'd like to know too for the ask game : 6, 13 and 26 ?
6. Is there a c!Dream scene/moment/action you would change?
Hmmmm I can't think of any, no. Mostly I think I would like some more in terms of follow-through w/ certain scenes, such as c!Endersmile the whole agreement with c!Dream + c!Foolish, the whole Aimsey debacle, stuff with c!Sapnap, but a lot of that was kinda beyond cc control. In terms of the stuff that seemed to be building somewhere that we didn't get I'd say what I miss the most is probably c!Wilbur getting involved w/ the prison arc, because damn it seemed like everyone involved wanted that badly but it just never worked out scheduling wise. Also, scrapped lore, but scrapped lore Is Canon. To Me.
In terms of actual scenes I would change...idk, LN5 c!Quackity and c!Dream showdown comes to mind? But that wasn't like bad, it was just because of internet issues there was a lot less of it than I would've liked. I wanted to see more c!Dream in the c!Dream vs c!Quackity showdown (tm), but as it is c!Dream blowing up a shit ton of slime and having a panic attack works perfectly well for me (it honestly hurt c!Q more than c!Dream, considering their stories, but again sometimes technical issues can't be helped.)
13. Since we rarely saw c!Dream's own POV, who was your main pov character/s?
Wherever c!Dream Was (tm).
For a more serious answer, especially in the early days I watched a lot of Tubbo. Fundy too, funnily enough? Wilbur as well, Tommy POV was probably what I watched the least at that point (unless Dream was online lmao). Lots of Punz watching too tbh when he was active on DSMP (and now, I've been watching Punz for a long time). Later on, still lots of Tubbo, more Tommy, I just kinda hopped onto whoever's stream at the time errrr I will not lie i was kinda a no life DSMP watcher for like all of 2020. Later on I watched a lot of Sam, Foolish, and Bad when they were the main three logging on. But yeah, basically whoever I could lmao
26. If c!Dream had to spend the rest of his life around only one other DSMP character, which one would you choose for him?
šŸ„°šŸ„°šŸ„°šŸ„°šŸ„°c!SamšŸ„°šŸ„°šŸ„°šŸ„°šŸ„°
I mean I do have an AU that's literally this exact concept what do u expect from me who am I if not giving c!Sam eeeeeeverything he could ever want (tm)
If I'm not literally torturing c!Dream, probably c!Techno XD
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deus-ex-mona Ā· 1 year ago
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when the realisation āœØfinallyāœØ dawns on you but itā€™s wayyyy too late
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#so. to preface. iā€™m an idiot who often misses the point and stuff.#like it took me about 10 years to realise that i was being actively excluded from a group of girls#in which they went out of their ways to talk about all kinds of fun tall tales that all of them but me were involved in#(but i completely missed that they were trying to exclude me bc i was more interested in listening to their stories lmfaooo)#but anyways! a few weeks back my brotherā€™s gf mentioned in passing that my bro told her that i went on the trip to look for bl manga#at first i was like ā€˜hahaha yeahhh i kinda read ā€˜em sometimes but not all the time ykā€™ but then i just realised thatā€¦#ā€¦he mustā€™ve assumed that i was buying bl manga back when i bought vol 4 of idol sengen. fml#tbf!!!! there was a huge display of bl manga in the girls manga section of the store my family followed me into#so i guess i can see how he thought that i was buying bl manga? esp since i refused to let my fam see the cover of the book i bought?#but stillā€¦ man. most of the bl manga on display there had v e r y spicy coversā€¦ lord knows which one he assumed i had boughtā€¦#thereā€™s no way in heck iā€™m gonna correct him thought. nope. i donā€™t need him to go poking around in this fandom too#iā€™d d i e fr if he found this blog. so ig letting him continue with his assumptions is the lesser of two evilsā€¦#anyways. um. how was your wednesday~~~~?#it is suiyoubi my dudes
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ratgingi Ā· 2 years ago
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very important: do you have any murderous/violent ocs? Just curious
i do :-] that would be charlie and lillith, technically kara would also count though Mostly just for the violent part
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vilevampire Ā· 2 years ago
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someday in this fandom I'll get dragged into drama over controversial ship opinions and when that happens I want you all to remember me fondly because frankly I will drop dead on the spot
#there was a thread on twt like qrt with your opinions on these ships#and I checked some of it and I. so many ppl dislike kalrobin actually. including ppl who follow me??????#honestly I'm used to my fave ships and stuff having no content like c'mon I'm a viewtiful joe fan I'm super used to it#but seeing ppl hate on my fave ships is kinda heartbreaking actually#especially kalrobin and jazzllocer like ugh ugh ugh those r my otps#and I'm not a fan of the most popular kalego ship outside of the context of kalego x robin x balam#I'm just waiting for the day somebody gets beef w/ me for not liking kalego with balam or jazz with lied or iruma with amelie#or for being annoyed at certain aspects of iruma x azz#literally most popular ship in the fandom. I feel like I could make so many people mad with that one#I'm very niceys though I hate fandom drama I don't want to buy a fight with anybody I just want to make content for my rareships in peace#I am!!!! a little sad!!!!!! kinda bummed even!!!!!!#yk on mairumatwt there's this one guy that's also called lucas and he's also brazilian#but he hates kalrobin and sees jazz and allocer as brothers. I've never interacted w/ him but I think he's my evil doppelganger#actually I'm the evil one. like hello guy litcherally named vile over here#anw. kind of a little very sad I think this is the first time I've seen so many ppl hate something that makes me really happy.#and I have no idea why some of them follow me it just confuses me hddgijdgd#lucasings
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cerealandchoccymilk Ā· 2 years ago
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im. really really hoping that livio gets a comeback in tristamp season 2 somehow. its possible!! considering his abilities in maximum!!! and he still has that super regen in stampede!! like please. give him back ik you can do it.......
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cherrywperson Ā· 1 year ago
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how about you develop some taste idoit
alt version someone had me make
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todayisafridaynight Ā· 2 years ago
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That last picture of Masato you drew... I shant say what that did to me, but it did things to me. Top Ten Hottest Yakuza Pics
gonna cry if i have to read 'i shant say' one more time in ref to that drawin LMAO THANK YOU THO GLAD IT DOIN SOMETHIN FOR YA
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nomairuins Ā· 29 days ago
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so to do my testing i need a state id but to get my state id i need a social security card bc i lost mine so im waiting up to 15-20 days for social security to send me a verification number in the mail so that i can apply for a new social security card and then ill have to wait for that to get to me and then i can go get my ky id and hopefully not get in trouble for taking so long to get my id changed and THEN i can schedule my ged classes. and by then ill probably have finished my math and science ged readys which is good and ummm i think thats all. itll prolly be a permit rather than a state id so i can work on learning to drive since we have a nice Not horrible car . and then ill know how to drive which will be helpful to me even if it takes me a while to actually own a car... but itd be helpful to Be able to drive yk. even if i am quite late... and once i get all of that done then thats like finally finished and then i can get a job again and start saving up money for when i am ready to move out...
#and once i am Making money again ill feel better going to the dr for all of my stuff bc my mom says itd be covered by insurance but im#rly rly paranoid abt there being copays or something yk . so id like to Have money jic since i currently have. 3 dollars at all#but yes. and im rly lucky im able to live with my family bc like. they wont Make me pay rent they might ask for help which ill gladly do bc#1. yk and 2. i have been living here free of charge for almost a year 3. even all that aside i want the kids to be able to keep living here#and also be able to eat so idm helping with groceries and the mortgage or whathave you... and itll all be cheaper than paying rent at my#own place anyways so i can build up a good net AND ill have money to start donating again bc i hate not being able to donate it makes me#feel so useless. that was the best part of living in wa was that i Had money to be spending and donating was one of the like. bc i have a#lot of hangups abt money so pretty much spending any money made me feel sick and i had to punish myself for it BUT donating bypassed that.#not that the benefit of donating is that i can spend money without feeling bad but it is something i Want to do because i want to be able t#help however i can . obviously. i am rambling now but basically yes im excited to have a job again#idt ill have money to get people gifts this year for xmas Which sucks but hoooooooopefully i will have a job by february.......... dependin#wewill see how it all works out. im hoping february bc thats the start of the 1st wave of bdays. well . technically january is but thats My#bday so it doesnt count.... bc tag feb father mar weeman may. and then lamp sep and mother oct and i couldnt get either of them gifts and#Yeah i feel evil#BUT!!!! next year i will be able to afford everything all of it ill have money and a job and i can get ppl gifts i love buying ppl gifts#even tho im bad at it i fear. bc i dont have much experience last year was the first year i got to buy xmas gifts for everybody... and bday#for some even :] but ya. ive loved buying gifts since 8th grade which was the first time i was able to buy gifts for my friends bc my dad#gave me his credit card for the dc trip. bc we were on kiiiiind of difficult terms in 2018 LOLLL. so he was doing pretty much anything to#get me to talk to him again the perks of having to go to court against your parent. and also girl that restraining order was meaningless bu#whatever i cant think abt it or ill get kinda mad so were moving on Oh im cramping that sucks okayyyyy. anyways. YES so thats your connor u#date i think these tags are gonna get cutoff in a major way. wait nvm i only had like 22... ok well ending it here goodbye my diary
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vengeful4ever Ā· 11 months ago
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ALSO I MADE A TERRIBLE REALISATION EARLIER
#jinx's hijinks#so yk the guy ive got a crush on right. so i think his friend is trying to flirt with me and i just havent noticed. like at all until now#its like really bad bc i think they r like besties#like hes nice but also i barely know him#like this is not good for me#3rd time somethung like this has happened tho#its kinda crazy to me tho because up until the past year i never received real romantic attention#like pretty privilege is real guys and anyone who says it isnt is full of shit#and its so fucked up and evil that people will just treat you better and be nicer if they see you as attractive#its such a harmful thing no matter what#if youre not benefiting from it youre cast aside and you wonder whats wrong you you. you see so many other getting special treatment because#thet are conventionally attractive and you wonder what is wrong with you. and yiu end up endlessly comparing yourself to others#and if you do benefit from it you end up constantly questioning if peopoe are nice to you because they actually like you and thunk ur cool#or if they just think ur hot and wanna get in ur pants. like people have become overall so much nicer to me. because i ā€œgot prettyā€#(all i did was get more confident and started expressing myself how i wanted to)#but it just constantly leaves me wondering if certain people genuinely like me or if its all surface level#or or certain people are actually nice or if they are just treating me a certain way because they think im hot#idk does this sound self absorbed#ive been thinking about jt so much lately as in such a dhort period of time o went from being asked out and flirted with as a jome#*as a joke#to having multiple people crush on me at once and get a lot of that type of attention#idk i wish i had the words to describe this experience and i wish i knew if its happened to others#because i think its really fucked up and its definitely tied back to misogyny and classism and racism because all oppression is connected#also im really sorry if you read all this i just needed a place to put all th3sr thoughts and im sure half of this doesnt even make sense#becaus its 6am ans im tired and hungry and i dont think right when im hungry
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