#he is just so damn hot it’s unfair tbh

[nico-di-genova]

You think he knows that he serves cunt so hard it could kill people?

[thebigoblin]

dumb & dumber

tags: Established Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Failwolf Derek Hale, Failhuman Stiles Stilinski, is that a tag? it should be actually, Implied Sexual Content, Possessive Derek Hale, Attempt at Humor, Failwolf Betas, they're all just dumb tbh

"You know, you're kind of the worst," he says this with a pout on his face, the television in front of him blinking back his own face at him. He sorta looks cute with a pout. Huh.

Beside him, the couch dips with the weight of his boyfriend. An arm snakes up along the back of the couch, and he moves forward before that arm and his shoulders can make contact. The huff he gets at his pettiness has him scoffing right back.

"You're being petty."

"And you're an asshole. What's new?"

Another huff. A sigh. He stares forward, resolute.

"Stiles, please." Nope. He is not giving in. He deserves to be upset! "Baby," and oh no.

Stiles turns towards his left, and sees the forlorn look on Derek's face. His eyes are searching Stiles', likely trying to impart how unhappy he is, and how much he wants Stiles' forgiveness.

Stiles might have turned around to actually have a conversation, but hey, he's still got the upper hand here. When Derek reaches out to hold his hand, Stiles takes his wayward limbs towards himself and crosses his arms. Derek isn't happy, his nostrils flaring, but hey, Stiles isn't happy, either.

"Why are you so angry at me?"

Stiles instantly points a finger at his dumb boyfriend, wagging it at that dumb gorgeous face to punctuate his point, "Oh ho ho, don't you play the dumb boyfriend card with me! I wish I could tell Lydia she's right and that all men, no matter the age, suck at being a good boyfriend. But welp! I can't, can I? Because even now, after months of us having been together, I cannot tell people I have a boyfriend! Nobody in the fucking pack knows who you are to me, and you know what Erica has been planning, huh? Huh?"

Derek blinks his dumb, gorgeous eyes at him. He has been staring at these eyes for counting on four months now, but he still can't pinpoint what colors they are. Are they blue? Green? Hazel with gold flecks in them?

Fuck. He is getting distracted. He once again wags his finger at Derek's face, who, this time around, wraps his big, rough arms around it and pulls Stiles forward until Stiles stumbles right onto Derek's lap, and really, why is the universe so unfair? Why is Derek in a barely there wife-beater and grey sweats?

"You know what I am to you, Stiles."

Stiles resolutely stares at Derek's chest. His hands are gripped tight in Derek's, but Derek lets one of his hands go free to grab at his chin, forcing him to look up at the eyes that reflect the early morning sun in a deep, beautiful forest.

"Baby, I am yours."

"But not to the world. To them, you're a single, hot, in much need of a date Alpha werewolf. You're not mine in their eyes, Der."

His heart doesn't waver at the truth, but his chemosignals must change because Derek leans down to rub their noses together, dragging his down to Stiles' neck, scenting him.

Claiming him, in a way.

"If Erica is planning a date for me, she's not competent as a wolf. I might not have told them we are dating, but you smelling much more like us should be a clue."

Stiles noses his way down from Derek's nose to his neck, bites at the junction between it and shoulders just to be a little shit. Derek arches under him, and it has Derek's dick, from under the damned grey sweats, rubbing a delicious friction against Stiles' ass.

"We smell good, huh, Alpha?" He could say more, but Derek is already panting like he cannot take it any more, and hey, that is lips on his own and he can't really speak now, can he?

Derek kisses him with passion, pushes him down back on the couch so he is on top of Stiles.

"Erica needs to learn how to use her fucking nose. You smell like mine," Derek's growl has Stiles instantly wanting to take off his clothes and present to him, down on all fours and ready to blackout in bliss for hours, but.

Stiles pushes at Derek's chest so there's space between them, and asks, a bit breathless, "Why haven't we just told them?"

"You're a fucking tease. I'm going to ruin you once this conversation is over, understand?"

Stiles stares back, wide-eyed, pupils evidently dark. Licks his lips. Nods.

Derek grabs his hair and wrenches him in for a deep kiss before letting go, putting space between them.

They don't speak for a few minutes, trying to get back to some semblance of control. Once they are, Derek speaks.

"I haven't told anyone... because I forgot."

If this weren't Derek, and he wasn't Stiles, he would have been offended. Because what the fuck? But he is Stiles, and this is Derek, so.

"You figured everyone would use their super-sniffers?" Derek nods. "Except you also forgot not everyone is a werewolf, and that even those with super-sniffers are idiots. They would first figure out how to stop a bus with failing brakes from crashing by jumping in front of it rather than using their wolf strength to well, pull the bus Superman style."

"Yes, I'm aware my pack is brave but stupid. Especially because their leader is here with me."

"Hey!"

"Then why didn't you tell them?"

Stiles opens his mouth. Closes it. Scratches his head, his hair. Eyes fixed on the TV again, he mumbles, "I thought you didn't want to."

Derek takes his hand and points it at himself with a raised eyebrow. "Me? The one who has been scenting you extensively and making you wear butt-plugs? Me?"

His cheeks color with embarrassment. "Alright! We are both idiots. Got it."

"Truly made for each other." Derek again uses Stiles' hand to pull him forward, right until Stiles stis on Derek's lap. Again. Except this time Derek is already working to make Stiles' jeans dissappear. "Now, tell me about this date Erica has planned for me while you warm my cock with your pretty hole, okay, baby?"

"Yes, Alpha." Oh, coming to the Loft in a fit of anger/sadness was the best course of action today.

And Stiles is definitely going to pilfer that fancy-pants restaurant Erica has reserved for Derek's blind date with one of her college friends for a date for them.

And then he's going to be fucking annoying about calling Derek his, just like he is sure Derek is going to be insufferable about making it clear that Stiles is his in return.

[depressopax]

Jimmy McGill relationship headcanons

Fandom - Breaking Bad/Better call Saul

Jimmy x gn!reader || NSFW HC's

Pairing: Jimmy McGill x gn!reader Genre: Smut, headcanons Warning(s): Sexual content. MDNI! Sub/dom dynamic. Switch Jimmy :) Degradation and cuss words. Semi-public sex. Words: 700 Summary: Dating Jimmy McGill would include… (NSFW version) English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! <3 || AO3 link || Masterlist || Request || SFW version ||

Being over or under you? Submissive or dominant? Doesn’t matter.

He loves dominating you just as much as he likes being dominated by you

He’s a switch but leans more towards being submissive in bed.

When “being” Jimmy, he’s definitely more of a bottom, whilst Saul is more of a top.

ALTHOUGH… If he comes home stressed or frustrated one day, he’s the type of guy to like some roughness for stress relief

Fast and rough sex whilst he tells you about his day, muttering about his own problems >>>>> Therapy

Also… 👀 Reverse it! Nothing better than you slutting him out when he’s had a rough day ;)

He likes being degraded, but PLEASE don’t forget to praise this man. He needs it. <3

Just tell him he’s a good boy and watch him melt

VERY vocal in bed, deep grunts, cuss words, moans… You name it.

If you top him, you’ll definitely earn yourself some whimpers, maybe even tears

HEAR ME OUTTTT, brat Jimmy 👀

Usually when he doesn’t get “enough attention”

He’ll be the most annoying man ever until you give him what he wants (aka attention)

Are you busy with housework or even work? Too bad!

He’ll be all over you with kisses, dirty talking and challenging you to give him attention

Him pushing your buttons, enjoying it when you lose your patience with his bullshit.

Jimmy is only satisfied once you bring him to the bedroom, giving him exactly what he wants…

He loves it when you dominate him tbh

He is a needy man, even when you’re out in public

He’ll always look for excuses to touch you, and to him - there’s no “wrong moments” for love.

He’s the definition of “🥺🥺” when you don’t give him attention 💀

He has no shameee

“Meet in the bathroom in 2 minutes” at a local cafe

…Or in a changing rooms at stores

You name it

He likes the thrill of getting caught. ;)

Don’t get me started on ✨office sex✨

Almost every visit to his office ends up with you bent over his desk

…Or on your knees by his chair

Fuck it, switch it up - him kneeling before you whilst you sit in his chair - both works 👀

Honestly it’s his favorite place to do it

Maybe not the most comfortable, nor hygienic place - but oh well

Once again he likes the thrill of getting caught, or knowing he has clients waiting. But they can wait. He has better things to do

He makes sure you walk away from his office feeling satisfied (and with shaky legs) <3

He’s a big fan of quickies. Why wait all day to sleep with you, when he can do it multiple times? “What do you think quickies are for??”

A TEASEEEEE

He’ll legit turn you on “by accident” only to ignore you later

Why? “Because I can” 

And to see you beg for him. Yep, he’s unfair

Having you beg for him to do you is just hot to him. Especially when you’re angry/frustrated

…If you did the same to him tho? He’d be close to tears. And beg without shame lmao

When it comes to oral he prefers receiving.

That way he can lean back, close his eyes and enjoy being “taken care off” 

If you have longer hair he runs his hands through it, twirls it between his fingers and might pull it a bit.

Very loud and praising when receiving “Yes… Right there”“Fuck… You’re so good at that. So damn perfect.”“Keep going, sweetie. Take all of me in your pretty mouth.”

However, he does love giving too. 

Getting heads is nice, but there’s something rewarding about using his mouth to make you feel good. 

He’s damn passionate when giving, too. 

Slow, teasing movements

And caressing other parts of your body to make it more satisfying. 

Your moans and the praise he receives could make him go at it for hours. And he will…

Jimmy just finds it adorable when you whine and whimper from the pleasure being overwhelming.

He tries his best with aftercare, as long as he’s not too tired afterwards or if it was “just a quickie”

But he always tries to make sure you’re alright afterwards. 

appreciates cuddles afterwards

And he LOVES it when you give him aftercare after you’ve dominated him 

He falls asleep quick afterwards, but does so safely in your embrace 

Homeboy just needs love and affection basically <3

Not really happy with this one 😭 But I hope ya guys liked it either way lol!! <3

[dilxcc]

real purpose ᡣ𐭩 byun baekhyun

just fluff, no warning, might be some grammatical error

baekhyun x f!reader

a/n tbh i have been so obsessed with this man i am so very sorry 🙁

the rain pour heavily as you and baekhyun ran to the bus stop. "why does it have to be raining today out of every other day?" you sighed. today was supposed to be your date with baekhyun. the two of you had been busy with work that you two haven't got the time to hang out with each other.

your grip on your tote bag tightens as it continued to slip from your shoulder. damn you for having such a small shoulder. you looked over at baekhyun, seeing how he wiped away the water that managed to get on his face. your eyes then traveled to his shoulder. yeah, his shoulder had got more broad after his military service.

how unfair. had he actually planned on killing you while looking hot with that shoulder of his?

when his eyes met yours, he breaks into a smile and laughed. "maybe we should have stayed home," he said while looking at you adoringly. "but then what would we do?" you frowned slightly. "we can always cuddle," he nudged you playfully. "especially now that it rained,"

you fixed the tote bag were slipping from your shoulder again. you had done it multiple times already throughout your date with baekhyun so far. so of course it wasn't a surprise when he noticed. without saying a word, he took the bag from your shoulder and slipped it to his. "babe, what did you even put in this bag?" he asked, mouth slightly agaped. "it's so heavy,"

"it's woman's things. you should know that by now," you crossed your arms together. "well, you should have let me carry it from the beginning. what good do i have this broad shoulder if you won't use it?" he wiggled his eyebrows.

you laughed and slapped his arm lovingly. "you're so silly,"

[carebeartherese]

My live reactions to Loki ep 4:

(Already 7 mins in and I’m angry with Kang)

-hell yea the clock lady wants you (what the fuck)

-mobius and Loki are very boyfriends rn

-shit the loom

-LOKI LOOKED AT MOBIUS’ HAND

-sorry

-I love this Victor timely fella tbh

-oh fuck dox

-B15 my love <333

-no don’t let dox live

-oooooo words

-Víctor is so autism

-ob and Casey <3333

-ob and victor meeting each others idles

-snake eating it’s own tail= Ouroboros

-FANGIRLING

-CASEY JEALOUS??

-mobius is so sweet

-NOT THE BIGASS SUIT THING AGAIN POOR MOBIUS

-lmfao petty ob

-hahahahah VOLUNTEER LOKI

-skin?

-mobius and Loki fighting like an old couple is my favorite

-Sylvie = third wheel

-Loki is in fact super fast

-ooop victor is think

-Casey and ob are so bf coded

-CASEY IS THE OTHER WOMAN NOW

-PIE DATE 2???

-sylvie pls let them be a couple

-dude this bitch

-CALLING OUT MOBIUS FR

-HE HASNT LOOKED CAUSE HE LOVES LOKI HE WANTS TO STAY WITH HIM

-MOBIUS AND SYLVIE FACING OFF WHILE LOKI STANDS IN THE BACKGROUND IS ACTUALLY PEAK CINEMA

-WHO WILL HE CHOOSE

-pie pls

-LOKI YOU CHOSE HER???

-oh brad

-shit

-please don’t start a prison riot

-don’t bring Galileo into this

-Stfu dox

-uhhhh this tension is strange

-B15 !!!!!!

-brad doing the same hand-resting thing with his collar

-PIE TIME

-wait sylvie gtfo

-ohhhh please let them fight about MOBIUS

-Loki monologue incoming

-lmfao Thor mocking

-also Loki character development???

-yea those people live because of his lover

-damn wise words ig

-I don’t like them as a couple please don’t let this happen again

-yea sylvie thats kinda the point of hope

-i don’t hate her she’s just annoying on occasion

-anyways

-ok but you are gods tho

-thx Loki also back tf up

-MOVE ON /SRS

-damn that pie room is the real star or the show

-fuck dox srsly

-NO NO RAVONNA STOP

-also crazy bitch Ms minutes honorable mention

-SHES WORKING ON HERSELF OK

-oh shit life on the timeline?? Fr???

-oh fuck no you crazy bitches

-WHAT ARE THEY DOING

-BRAD NO

-FUCK DONT SQUISH THEM

-NO PLEASE OMFG RAVONNA

-MS MINUTES WHY ARE YOU PSYCHOTIC

-Brad that was fuckin cold

-see even ravonna doesn’t actually give a fuck who you are brad

-Casey x OB x Timely???

-It’s hotchoc victor

-I love victor

-mobius is so supportive

-what’s happening with the tempads tho???

-oh sorry b15 it’s people goo now

-MS MINUTES STOP THIS AINT SUPPOSED TO BE HORROR

-Aw he made the guard hot coco

-OH FUCK

-BRAD WHAT THE HELL YOU CUNT

-IT WAS SO WHOLESOME UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP

-MOBIUS AND VIRUSES LMFAO

-shit Ms minutes

-stawp

-loki and mobius need more screen time together

-this feels much scarier than it should tbh

-ohhh….hey ravonna….sorry about all that

-oh shit ok

-mommy? Sorry, mommy? Sorry-

-brad please relax with your 70s hair

-TIMELY DONT BE A DICK PLS

-RUN LOKI RUN

-oh fuck this is it ig

-real Ms minutes sucks

-shits getting real

-loki is gonna get pruned by himself

-sylvie constantly plays elevator music in her soul

-this is where Loki gets pruned!!!! Probably by himself

-yup I was right prune yourself

-damn sylvie strong

-good job loki???

-sorry just had to kill past me rq

-WHOS calling???

-and th e call was coming from IsIdE tHe HoUsE

-oh dammit ob you scared me

-mobius is so worried about his boyfriend he’s willing to reboot the whole system

-LET THE LOKIS USE THEIR POWERS SRSLY

-BYE MS MINUTES

-Aw poor timely they aren’t mocking you

-OH SHIT

-you’ll never be him.

-that shit was menacing fr

-oh DONT send brad out on his own!!!

-he gonna die

-fuck that was kinda hot ngl

-anyways hi sylvie/brad

-FUCK YEA SCREW YOU RAVONNA

-lokius has had way too few scenes today

-loki <333

-oh thank god

-OH THERE IS NO GOD

-THE LOOM

-oh loki please be safe

-don’t send timely out pls

-no dont!!!

-TIMELY PLS DONT DIE

-OH SHIT BLACK HOLE SPAGHETTI

-NO TIMELY PLEASE

-GOD HOW FIX PLS

-NO BAD LOKI

-STAY PUT PLEASE

-DUDE

-THIS SHIT IS TERRIFYING

-B15 MY LOVE

-OH FUCK WHY IS IT DARK

-WHAT THE HELL WHAT JUST HAPPENED

-THAT IS AN UNFAIR CLIFFHANGER

-COME BACK

[quiveringdeer]

Camera Roll Challenge: Dating Porco Galliard

I found so many photos that made me think of him (im simpin hard) but didn't think they'd be on his camera roll. So instead this is your camera roll while dating this guy jerk.

I feel like Pock would literally be so fuckin soft for his partner. And totally fine being a silly fool in your presence, (the tongue stickin out and kissy lips bout made me faint!) but you're not allowed to post those on social media! it's for your eyes only 😤 Not like everyone doesn't already know how down bad he is for you. 🙄

top left: fit pics at a white party. he's probably a few drinks in to have his guard down enough to be makin that expression in a pic lol

top middle: you're both hot so why not take pictures of you kissing??

top right: actin like he's some kinda model in a jacuzzi on vacation. he'll swear it's a candid shot 🙄

middle left: always wanting kisses after you've finished your makeup

middle: an actual candid, always looks like he's lowkey judging people 🤭

middle right: his reaction to the "get in the backseat instead of the front seat challenge." he's so tired of these damn challenges.

bottom left: him just looking hot tbh

bottom middle: in hour 2 of the "alright we gonna head out"

bottom right: workin on his car or bike, can't remember but it's unfair to look that hot being that dirty 🥵

[symbioticsimplicity]

So some of my friends have never seen Buffy and we're watching through it. I haven’t seen it since I was a kid, so there's a lot I don't remember.

We're on season 6 right now and I'm just-- what the fuck yo???

I know the show was technically supposed to end after season 5, but still, holy hell season 6 is a nightmare. I'm mad about everything honestly but I specifically wanna call out how Spike gets treated???

Cause like. What. The. Fuck???

They call this dude for everything. Like the moment something goes down they call him to help and he comes running every time. Makes sure Dawn is safe, takes care of anyone injured and makes sure they get to safety, is the other strongest fighter, knows a shitload about the supernatural world and if not where to find it. He's generally super fucking useful, and he's usually pretty damn cool and friendly with them unless someone's a dick first.

So WHY do most of the characters treat him like hes still horrible?? He literally spent the entire last season helping them. He took a freakin torture session from a GOD and nearly got dusted to keep Dawn safe. He also helped take care of Dawn after Buffy died.

Yet most of the group act like he's only out for himself and like he's just fucking evil all the time!

I remember being pissed when he got frozen out of Joyce's funeral too. They clearly had a friendly relationship, they watched soap operas together ffs. Spike routinely got called in to protect her and Dawn and did so without hesitation. There were plenty of times he and Joyce just shot the shit because he actually genuinely liked her. And yet he's not allowed to mourn her???

I don't get how you can depend on someone so obviously but then act like they're not part of the group??

Especially since its pretty fuckin obvious when they hurt his feelings. Its not like he tries to come off as cool and unaffected, he wears his heart on his sleeve. He's actually probably one of the only characters to routinely demonstrate actual emotional intelligence and empathy.

It just... irks me to see him get treated like dirt routinely when he's been doing his best to show them he's friendly for years now.

And like "he tried to kill them" isn't really a good enough reason in this story?? Anya tried to kill them, and is an ex-demon. She's still welcomed into the group. Angel too, tbh and he did FAR more emotional damage. But like even though he's not around for long after, they still talk about him fondly and Buffy keeps in contact with him over the years. Amy tried to kill them too and she got brought back with all the over looked just fine too.

It just feels massively unfair and it pisses me off because there's not a good basis for it based on how his character changed. Even Spuffy, as much as I adore the ship, went all kinds of sideways largely due to Buffy being deadset on the idea that Spike could only be bad for her and treating him like it.

Yes, he rose to the bait and he shouldn’t have. But like. Imagine how painful its gotta be to have someone you love telling you how awful you are and how they could never truly love you because you're wrong somewhere deep in your core, and then sleeping with you anyway because you're hot therefore good enough to fuck, just not to love. That's FUCKED my dude.

It don't know what the hell their beef was with Spike but I hate it.

[80-ursa-major]

read this old letsplay about this game I played and liked and omg it was so mean spirited. everyone involved had decided the game was trash and tried to convinve everyone else too. And idc if you hate a game but I just can't stand hypocrisy because these people spent every breath complaining about an anime game being anime while praising the previous entry which was equally anime. Someoone was claiming seriously that skeleton titty wasn't fanservice and tropes were baaaaad but also my fave girl who was psycho was a great chara. Oh and those long paragraphs defending persona beach scenes and the waifus. My dude I enjoy the series too but your haremtrash isn't deep, like get real pls. Anyway the sequel was better because the first one was soooo bland, the gameplay was barebones and only 4 characters got any proper focus. And it was good that the sequel addressed this and added events and extra shit. It only sucks because of the damn griiiiiiind. Seriously just let me promote my team already. And I don't know why everyone's complaining about the laugh track cause I played the original and it was fine; everyone did a good job tbh. Ok closing this tangent now to say what I actually wanted to say:

After reliving it turns out almost 15 years later I'm still not over that death! Seriously I'm a joke to this series because the guy I zero on always dies. Can't even blame it on double standards cause the hot girls die too ooof. And ok everyone was just being dumb in the first one but the second was totally unfair! We could and we should have saved him!! Oh great now I remembered the third one where he betrays us so you have to fight him and kill him because of course and when you start the chapter he says "I'm sorry for the inconvenience" Yeah the inconvinience of BREAKING MY HEART!

p.s:one day i'll get a proper console and play the 4th

[bluehwale-main]

hi hello how are u are u doing well im worried i hope u are eating well doing well mentally emotionally and physically

i kinda miss (ALOT ALOT ND I HOOE U ARENT DED PLS BE ALIVE I LOVE U COMEBACK HOME 😓😿)

ALSO I FUCKING CAME BAck HERE TO SCREAM ABT A GUY IN TUX FUVKING HELL WHY DO I MELT OVER A MAN IN A TUX 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

yes i was malfunctioning when i opened that snap like him trying on a black tux nd sent me a black nd white snap of him trying with all the cuff links 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

me the whole day after seeing him in tux 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 (same person who I complained abt blaming me abt not telling him to back off when he was flirting )

BUT WHY THE HELL MEN LOOK SO GOOD IN TUX

my frnds were LIKE CALM DOWN BITCH HE AINT BOYFRIEND I WAS 🙄🖕🥲LIKE LOOKING SO GOOD

kinda wanna yk wear a ball gown nd make my future bf wear a tux nd do a dance with him then loose my mind over how good he looks

like I WANT TO SEE CLOSE UP A MAN IN TUX (I want to 😭😭😭 why am I like this I do feel like I shld get a boyfriend these days but then I realize im listening to love songs too much these days nd those are the sideffects of it 💀)

TAKE CARE HAVE A GOOD DAY LOVE <3

HONEY, IM HOME!! <3

i’ve read ur previous asks and OMGMDKSNSJSJS THE TEA???? so exciting (also thanku sm for ur k/thai/cdramas I WILL BE WATCHING THEM SOOON <3) and ahhhhh i hope u passed all ur mock exams I HAVE FAITH IN U REN !! how was ur finals btw? :3

I MISSED U SM IM SO GLAD I GET TO HAVE MY NEEDED DOSE OF REN ENERGY AGAIN <3 i’ve been doing well!! life is just super life-ing rn and i hope u’re doing well both physically and emotionally as well and also!!! i hope u’re eating well and eating lots and lots of yummy desserts <3 (IM THANKFULLY NOT DEAD YET AND I LOVE U TOOOOOO MWAH MWAH)

OOOOOOF NOT THE GUY BEING THE SAME ONE U TALKED ABOUT HELPPPP AAAAA but damn..,,,. sometimes it really do be like that 😔 sigh,,, most hot men are assholes ngl UR FRIENDS ARE SO FUNNY THOUGH??-??? HAHSHSHHSHAHA

omg a ball gown and dancing in a ballroom sounds so fun tbh I WANNA DO THAT TOOOOO AAA especially bcs i didn’t have prom in hs bcs of covid </3 the world is unfair !! >:-(

giiiirrrlll frrrrr DID U SEE ATEEZ IN THE AMERICAN MORNING SHOW THING??? THEY WERE WEARING SUITS AND imagine seeing that irl 😵‍💫 i’d run the other way actlly bcs i’d be too nervous (IM CRYINGG nah but yeah that happens </3 listening to love songs makes u want to be in a relationship so bad but when u look at the choices u have, u just kinda go… hM.. bcs men suck 😭)

I LOVEEE UUUU SM I HOPE U’RE HAVING A GREAT DAY AS WELLLLL <3 forehead kisses mwah mwah

[darlingpwease]

*taps the mic* uhh, well I just uhh well y'know I umm– >:ロ I truly never know how to respond to you most sometimes /ht ?? Really?? /neu ME?! I'm the bully?! I can't believe you!!! "heheheh" ( ° _°) ...wait, now I'm kinda questioning myself... hm (ಠ_ಠ ;) /gen /kinda confused tbh /in a neutral way tho, if that makes sense??

WHAT– darling, we can talk this out,, :'C there is just no winning with you hhhskjgfh /t /pos /hpos 😒

Karma is unfair and biased, but I try for our writebabies <//33 /hj I'm playing hot potato with it currently, but give me like a day and then I'll properly be lazing around for a whole day lmao

Although that image made me laugh, no <33 They are ours, and we will all stay here~~ <333

A waffle cake, a panna cotta, the more nicknames given the more sweets I find out about lol /t /gen /pos ?? Haven't I told you before tho??? I'm pretty sure I told you that before?? /neu

...(°ㅂ°╬) I haven't seen in that direction so you are taking and innocent person, don't you think that is unfair? >:(( I do! Unfortunately, I haven't been able to paint as much the past year, but I still draw, and I enjoy watching people paint :DD Hm,, I mean there is the painter Albert Bierstadt, I absolutely love his paintings, but I don't really have a "deep meaning" with them, they just fill me with a lot of awe and joy :)) But his paintings definitely inspired me (still do) when I was younger, and they actually encouraged me to start photography years ago lmao. The same is with Oswaldo Guayasamín, I don't really have any "deep meaning" with them, but I grew up with his paintings due to my ma's family, so I enjoy looking at his works, they remind me of family, in an odd way. mwah♡

/┬┴┬┴┤(⁄ ⁄•̀⁄_⁄├┬┴┬

/everyday I endure abuse and straight up murder by you, yet here I am... repeating the same damn process... (╥_╥) /t /nsrs

-panna cotta

yes, I know. you fall into a tremor, you make this puppy-scared face and everyone looks at you and thinks, "oh my god, get him out of here, someone give him silence, he's going to cry urgently, turn down the volume, turn down the volume" sjshhddhdhdhd sjhshsh the truth is told "the family rests on the patience of a panna cotta" /t /j ? of course, cutie~ provokes me to tease you even more hehehe~ someone is just a shy flirt, I see, although you used to be quite smooth~ are you getting old~? yes!!! you're a bully!!! constantly tormenting the poor dove!!! hooray hooray gaslighting works!!! jshshdhdhd /t /j /i get you don't worry, sweetie♡

can we???... maybe, but I only crave blood >;33333 this is a family trait on the maternal side; only my mom, me and my younger sibling possess it. fortunately, my youngest is not that good yet, but imagine the battles when she and I come together in battle if we lack the prudence to give up earlier dhdhhdhdhdh hehehe,,, kith kith<333

in my opinion, now it is more than fair and on time~ almost instantaneous~ <333 I know, dear. it remains to be seen whether you are lying down because you are conserving energy or because you are easily exhausted hwhwhhw /ht /affectionate

hooray, soon our communication will reach a point where we will share a sense of humor~ finally, you won't be able to brush me off with "we're not close enough" anymore, because even if a common sense of humor doesn't give you intimacy, then you're obviously a biorobot and I'm not sure if I want to let kids communicate with such a pamna,,,, /t /j /nsrs

dear,,,,, waffle cake,,,,,,, everyone knows waffle cake, it's practically the best thing in the world,,,,,,,,,, It's like a napoleon cake ??? I know that you love me because you continue to communicate with me, but, dear, if you love me even despite the fact that I constantly kill you, I have a question,,,,,,, many questions,,,,,,,,,, /t /hj

why are you reacting as if I'm leading you into a dark forest towards a strange hut while there's not a single living soul around pretending to be a minor and accusing you of something you're sure you're not to blame? relax, it won't hurt, you might even like it >;33333 mmm!!! how interesting... you know what I'll ask next — favorite painting / paintings by Albert Bierstadt and your first acquaintance with it / them? mwah mwah♡

/ AWWWWWW,,,, cutie cutie cute pie,,,,, little one,,,,,,,, sjdhjdhdjdhd sweetheart<//333333 mwah mwah mwah<3333333

/ well... you're just masochistic, honey — we both knew it for a long time, though, but I'll let you deny it because sometimes I have to be kind to you<3333 /t /j /nsrs

[fazcinatingblog]

i can’t believe my year 12 biology teacher still teaches at the high school i went to

[trickkombowerskru]

NSFW ABC’S-Rodrick Heffley

Request:Yes

A/N: This request is literally a year old and I am so sorry for the long loooong wait anon. Thank you for waiting this damn long and being patient with me

A- Aftercare

(What they’re like after sex)

I’m not even entirely sure if Rodrick even knows what after care is tbh, so you’d probably have to explain to him the concept and then he’ll be pretty decent at it. Cleaning you up and then giving you all the attention you need afterwards

B -Body Part

(Their favorite body part of yours)

Rodrick loves your thighs the most, he bites them all the time just to watch your reaction before he goes down on you

C- Cum

(Anything having to do with cum….we’re all thirsty nasty ass hoes don’t act surprised)

This man is NOT good at pulling out when he should so plan accordingly to avoid any unwanted consequences.

D- Dirty Talk

(How much do they dirty talk? What kind of things do they say?)

He tries, that’s the keywords but honestly he can't do it to save his life, will listen to you doing it for HOURS though

E- Experience

(How experienced are they? Do they always know what they’re doing?)

He isn’t really experienced, if he’s even experienced at all that is. ether way it’ll be a learning experienced for both of you

F- Favorite Position

(Self explanatory)

Anything where you’re on top, as established here he’s a sub through and through

G- Goofy

(Are they serious or goofy during sex)

ABOLUTELY Rodrick is giggly and adorable the whole time

H- Hair

(Are they well groomed? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc…)

I mean he’s decent, but this is Rodrick  we’re talking about soooo you know.

I- Intimacy

(How romantic they are within the moment)

He isn’t the most romantic guy in general, but like outside the bedroom he tries

J- Jerk Off

(How often they masturbate)

If you don’t think he doesn’t go for it at least a few times a weak... then you’re wrong, of course he’s still down whether he got off prior or not his body agrees to it will be a gamble 💀

K- Kink

(One or more of their kinks)

You can’t convince me this boy doesn’t have a praise kink you can’t

L- Location

(Favorite place to have sex)

As cliché as it is the back of his van, it’s just so hot to him

M- Motivation

(What turns them on)

You just you in general, you could be doing anything and Rodrick could find a way to get turned on

N- No

(Something they would never do to you)

He wouldn’t be into pain at all

O- Oral

(Are they a taker or a giver?)

I’d say he’s more of a taker for sure, but that doesn't mean he won’t return the favor, especially considering he’s the sub here

P- Pace

(How fast or slow they take it on you)

You always control the speed, but if he wants to slow things down or speed them up he’ll go faster

Q- Quickie

(What they think of them and how often they occur)

They definitely happen semi regularly

R- Roleplay

(How often you do it)

It wouldn’t be this cup of tea

S- Stamina

(How many rounds can they go? How long can they last?)

One maaaybe two rounds depending on the day

T- Toys

(Do they use toys on you or do you use toys on them?)

It’d be a process of introducing them slowly, but after a while he wouldn’t be able to get enough of them

U- Unfair

(How much they like to tease you)

I mean he tries to sometimes, but his ass gets punished if he tries anything too intense and he knows it 💞

V- Volume

(How loud are they?)

OH RODRICK IS LOUD

W- Wild Card

(Anything)

After sometime please tie him up, he loves it

X- X-Ray

(Let’s take a peak inside their pants)

I think he’s probably average

Y-Yearning

(How high is their sex drive?)

Did you not see the part where like practically everything turns him on, he always yearns for you

Z- Zzz

(How quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Honestly Rodrick is probably out like a light 5 to 10 minutes after you finish

[theboyzism]

[VICTON] S/O is on their Period

➳ genre: fluff ➳ ficstyle: bulletpoints ➳ requested: "Can you do Victon when their girlfriend is on her period? 🥺"

- Admin 💫

SEUNGWOO

the sweetest

a little awkward the first few times tho

but he recovers quickly

not the type to log your period

but he'll just instinctively know from the way you act a couple days before your period

anyone else gets really sore boobs exactly 2 days before? I'll cry

he's always a caring and considerate boyfriend

but on your period he'll be extra caring and considerate

he has 2 sisters so he definitely knows plenty

has pain killers ready

and your favourite snacks

coddles you more than usual cause you're his baby and you're in pain

if you had a long day he'll be waiting with dinner & make you a hot bath after so you can relax

if you want him to he'll also massage your back & stomach

would literally do anything for you and give you anything you need, you just have to ask

SEUNGSIK

will spoil you mainly with home cooked food

contrary to Seungwoo he actually logs your period on his phone

he stocks up your pads/tampons so you don't have to worry about it and makes sure you never run out

and he probably also carries an extra one with him when you go out just in case you need it

makes sure you eat and drink enough all the time

draws you a bath and will wash your hair for you if you're too tired

cooks all your favourite dishes

gives you these cute belly rubs when you’re laying in bed cuddling

does all the chores too so you can rest

tries every trick he knows and figures out the stuff that works best for you

i don’t think you’d really have to ask him for anything you need

contrary to Seungwoo I feel like he’d just know

instinctively gives you all you need before you even had the chance to ask

or if you’d ask for something like stocking up the fridge or doing the laundry, he would’ve already done it 💔

CHAN

tries to lighten the mood by making you laugh

i think he might be a little awkward especially at first

will help you subtly tho?

before you leave the house in the morning he sneaks some of your favourite snacks into your bag

as well as some painkillers

if you ask him he just gonna be like

"Omg how did they end up there?"

acting like it wasn't him and that he doesn't care

he sends you cute or funny texts throughout the day to subtly check in on you

while you're gone he might also clean a little

which surprises you a lot

usually never helps cleaning lmao

tries to hold back on the teasing but fails

apologises by making you some tea or hot chocolate before sleeping

cuddles you until you fall asleep

SEJUN

it's uterUS

definitely uses your period as an excuse to eat all the snacks he wants and order a bunch of take out

"What? My baby is on their period, leave me alone"

will cuddle you while watching a bunch of movies and eating all the food you possibly can

makes you a hottie for your stomach aches

he's a teasing boyfriend but will hold back on the teasing until your period is over

scared you might lash out at him lmfao

flames with you when you say it's unfair to go through all of this ever damn month

he'll just fire you up and encourage your flaming

contrary to all the snacks and take out he always reminds you to take your daily vitamins and to drink enough, especially during hell-week

HANSE

very chill tbh

he does what you ask

you want cuddles?

ok cool, he loves cuddling

you need him to run to the store and pick up pads/tampons for you?

he's out the door and on it

he’s very close to his sister so I feel like for him it's just kind of whatever?

texts you a little more than usual

if he has to stay late for work he'll order take out for you so you can at least eat already when you get home and don't have to wait for him

makes up for getting home late by giving you all the cuddles and strokes your head or belly whatever you prefer

literally will do everything you want, you just have to ask

BYUNGCHAN

he's a little awkward and blushy when you're like

"It's cause I'm on my period"

or if you just ask him to do something period related for you

but he's really just such a sweetheart

and like Hanse he does all you ask him to

I feel like he definitely had a relationship before so he knows some things

loves that you're in an extra cuddly mood when on your period and takes advantage of that

"Oh no babe! Come here into my arms, let's cuddle :("

picks up your favourite food/snacks on his way home from work

wraps you in blankets before you sleep

tries his best to make some sort of breakfast for you to eat before you leave the house

SUBIN

awkward and shy

he'd either subtly ask his mom for tips

or just ask the other members

or good old naver

tries everything at once and you're like

"Where tf is this coming from"

and then he admits he asked for tips

and you're soft

I feel like he's gonna be a little shy, awkward and blushy around the topic for a while

just freaks him out a little cause you're bleeding and in pain and he doesn't know what to do to help you

but he's gonna try his best and figure out what helps you along the way

together with you 💔

[seita]

― bnha abc’s: hitoshi shinsou [nsfw edition].

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

ғʟᴜғғ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ | ᴀɴɢsᴛ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ

⤑ 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧! | 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

∴ since sex is so intense with him, he’s always faithful to aftercare. ∴ he literally never skimps on it. ∴ if you take a while to settle down, he’ll clean you off with a warm washcloth and cuddle with you with soft kisses and caresses until you’re clear headed. ∴ mixes lots of praise in the process, knowing how sensitive you feel emotionally. ∴ then he’ll take a bath with you. ∴ if you come back to earth pretty quickly and easily, he’ll be more relaxed and be more keen on cracking jokes and teasing you. ∴ he’ll run a bath and have a relaxing soak, chatting casually with you about anything that came to mind.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

∴ his: his hands. he knows how to use them and he loves how they look on your body. he knows he has really pretty, lithe fingers. also, the fact you’re always so eager to hold his hand makes him appreciate them more.

∴ yours: he’s a breast man. there’s something about feeling your breasts in his hands, leaving marks on the soft flesh. he loves how you react when he plays with your nipples. he can never resist taking them into his mouth when he fucks you.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

∴ he will cum literally wherever you want him to. ∴ if u want him to pull out, he’ll take pleasure in marking your body with his cum. ∴ if you want him to release inside, then he’s gonna cum even harder giving you a nice creampie. ∴ he maintains a decent enough diet so his cum def doesn’t taste bad -- a little bitter, maybe but something you could handle. ∴ he cums a lot too, several spurts releasing. ∴ his orgasm lasts a good amount too ― he cums really hard lmao.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

∴ he has...on more than one occasion... ∴ jerked off using ur panties lmao. ∴ he doesn’t exactly keep it a secret but ∴ he’s never going to just admit he did it. ∴ if you call him out on it he’ll probably easily confess. ∴ but until then....where oh where do ur panties keep going lmao

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

∴ he hasn’t had many partners. ∴ but...he has experience in the sense that he has done research and tried such a wide variety of kinks and positions that he’s just...got it down to a science. ∴ he always makes sure his bdsm etiquette is perfect, he never wants to cause you any harm. ∴ he takes the time at the beginning of the relationship to learn your body’s sweet spots and talks to you about what you like and want. ∴ he’s very good at communication so he gains experience purely by learning tbh.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

∴ his usual go to is doggy style or the mating press. ∴ he likes how deep he can get his cock into you. ∴ he can feel you cum so well like that. ∴ very rarely will he let you ride him. ∴ don’t be mistaken tho, he’s always in control even if you’re on top.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

∴ not really a jokey type of guy. ∴ he prefers to be serious to as to not break the scene. ∴ that’s not to say he can’t be goofy. ∴ he will if he’s in the mood. ∴ or if the two of you aren’t doing anything hardcore. ∴ but def don’t expect it.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

∴ carpet matches the drapes, king is a natural.....purplehead???? ∴ he keeps himself well groomed in the sense he trims. ∴ but he doesn’t shave bald. ∴ he doesn’t like the look of his dick hairless. ∴ but his pubes are always pretty short so u don’t gotta worry when suckin his dick u feel?

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

∴ he’s intimate in the sense that the dynamic of your relationship requires a strong emotional connection and trust. ∴ in the moment, he takes on the dominant role teasing and humiliating you. ∴ but he makes sure to mix in praise and the odd sweet touch amid the bruising grips. ∴ he’s not really into romantic sex ∴ like you’ll never get candles and rose petals on the bed. ∴ but he always shows he loves you in his own way.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

∴ he doesn’t jerk off very often. ∴ but he has urges frequently enough. ∴ probably takes like 2 or 3 nights a week to himself if he doesn’t get the chance to fuck you. ∴ he uses his hands, fisting his cock while he watches porn on his phone. ∴ takes a shower afterwards to clean up the mess.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

∴ very heavily into dom/sub dynamics. ∴ he is always the dom. ∴ prefers to be called master most of the time. ∴ you’re his pretty little kitten. ∴ there is lit no chance he will be submissive lmao. ∴ it’s not always hardcore scenes with him, though. ∴ he’s very capable of having vanilla sex without the choking and spanking if you so wish.

∴ dacryphilia. ∴ he gets off on your tears. ∴ when he punishes you by overstimulating you and you sob that it’s too much. ∴ when he’s been teasing you for an hour, edging you before backing off and you have tears in your eyes. ∴ when your throat is wrapped around his cock and there’s tears running down your cheeks. ∴ he finds it so fucking hot lmao.

∴ shibari. ∴ there’s something about the red ropes on your skin that is so beautiful to him. ∴ he loves seeing you tied up and vulnerable to his debauchery. ∴ he thinks you’re prettiest when you’re restrained with the complex patterns of rope.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

∴ prefers the old faithful bedroom. ∴ but he’s not opposed to the living room, bathroom, or kitchen if he so pleases. ∴ it’s just all his toys are easily in reach in the bedroom. ∴ and plus, it makes it easier for you to get comfortable faster if you’re already on the bed when you’re done.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

∴ teasing him. ∴ flash him a view of his favorite panties under your skirt. ∴ “innocently” lay your hand on his thigh, close to his cock under the dinner table with friends. ∴ lick a lollipop suggestively. ∴ if u do literally anything to tease him, you’re in for it lmao. ∴ making him jealous. ∴ seeing you flirt with another guy instantly makes him feel territorial. ∴ he knows when you’re doing it on purpose and easily takes the bait, knowing what you want. ∴ however, it won’t work if there’s some random guy just hitting on u. ∴ he knows u didn’t ask for that and doesn’t see that as something to get jealous over. ∴ he trusts u n shit. ∴ worshipping him. ∴ sit on your knees while he watches tv asking if you can suck his dick. ∴ tell him how nice his hands are and how you love how they feel around your throat. ∴ let it slip that you had a wet dream about him last night. ∴ he’s more than eager to give u more reasons to worship him.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

he’s not into anything that will cause lasting harm to you. he’ll spank you and do some impact play but if you ask for anything really hardcore like burning or cutting you...it’s a no from him. he genuinely couldn’t handle hurting you like that.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

∴ def a giver. ∴ he thrives on pleasuring you. ∴ he thinks you look divine with his mouth attached to your greedy cunt. ∴ he’s damn good at it too. ∴ more than capable of making you cum several times if he so wishes.

∴ when he receives, he’s into some deep throating. ∴ won’t necessarily facefuck you. ∴ but it’s a slow, methodical pace he sets. ∴ he relishes on sinking his cock deep into your throat to feel you choke and gag around him. ∴ watching your eyes tear up as you struggle to swallow him down.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

∴ prefers a fast pace. ∴ he likes the thrill of being rough with you. ∴ sometimes he likes a deep, slow pace that makes you feel him all the way to your cervix. ∴ he can, of course, pull the sensual card if he so chooses. ∴ he def gets into moods where he wants to worship you and indulge in your body to the fullest.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

∴ honestly not his go to. ∴ it’s not that he doesn’t like them, it’s just that he finds them...unfulfilling? ∴ he’s a man who enjoys long, drawn out scenes of you begging and cumming multiple times for him. ∴ a quickie doesn’t allow him that time. ∴ of course, if you want to have sex with him and the only option is a quickie well...he definitely oblige. ∴ it’s just not his preference.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

∴ he’s more than willing to experiment. ∴ he’s always looking for ways to bring something new and exciting into the bedroom. ∴ is all ears when you bring up something that caught your attention. ∴ will always do his best to do as you ask. ∴ isn’t willing to risk your safety or reputation, however.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

∴ one round most of the time. ∴ but it’s one long ass round. ∴ he’s got immense self control and knows exactly how to draw sex out. ∴ he may even indulge in a cock ring to make himself last even longer. ∴ but he has the ability to stave off his own orgasm for a while. ∴ if you want more than one round, you only get it if the sex isn’t intense. ∴ he saves the multiple rounds for the occasional soft, sensual sex/

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

∴ he enjoys toys! ∴ but they’re not brought in too frequently. ∴ more specificially, he uses them for punishment most of the time. ∴ likes to hold a vibrator to your clit until you’re crying. ∴ makes you ride a dildo instead of letting you have his cock. ∴ he’s rather fond of rope tho, if that counts. ∴ doesn’t use them on himself like.....ever. minus an occasional cock ring.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

∴ lmao if u don’t like to be teased ur shit out of luck. ∴ he likes to draw out the sex with you. ∴ so when you two do it, he teases you for a long time. ∴ he is a monster about it. ∴ takes immense pleasure in your begging and crying. ∴ eges u constantly ∴ but he usually follows through with his teasing unless ur bein punished

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

∴ not a moaner. ∴ the most you get is an occasional grunt and a groan when he cums. ∴ HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ∴ he is a constant producer of dirty talk. ∴ he really never shuts up tbh lmao. ∴ but it’s hot as hell. ∴ lit the best dirty talk you could hope to hear. ∴ so it’s not really a loss. ∴ when he’s not callin u a slut and humiliating you, he’s calling you his good girla nd telling u ur pretty.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

∴ he’s got a rlly big anal kink. ∴ i could say he almost loves it more than actual vaginal sex. ∴ he couldn’t tell you why except for the fact it feels dirtier. ∴ it feels more lewd to him and that just gets him off. ∴ especially if you’re shy about it ∴ he uses that as a gateway to humiliate u and make u cry ∴ and that only gets him more turned on ∴ dont let him fuck ur ass too often or he’ll actually go feral lmao

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

∴ hitoshi shinsou’s dick is big. ∴ i just know it is. ∴ more specifically, he’s got girth that makes your mouth water. ∴ he also has no problem reaching your cervix when he goes deep enough. ∴ lowkey cocky about it. ∴ always asks u how much u love his big cock or teasing u about how he’s too big for ur pussy to take. ∴ filthy man.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

∴ well,,,,it’s not high but it’s definitely not low. ∴ like he’s not looking to be balls deep inside you every single night. ∴ and it’s not like he’ll lose his mind if he doesn’t get to fuck u for a while. ∴ but he’ll jerk off to release the built up tension. ∴ and if u want to have sex every night then he’s pretty easy to convince ngl.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

∴ stays up a pretty long time afterwards. ∴ usually it’s because he’s taking care of you. ∴ but also, in general, he doesn’t sleep much. ∴ he’ll usually just lay in bed on his phone while u sleep beside him. ∴ the good news is if u wake up in the middle of the night bc ur thirsty he can get u a glass of water. ∴ or if u wake up horny and wanna suck his dick he’s already awake so hey everybody’s a winner.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧  

© all content belongs to seita 2020. do not modify or repost.

[princesssarcastia]

2021 Harry Potter Fanfic Primer

im here to point fingers at the incredible authors that have enabled my new interest in HP content.  im still conflicted and upset about it, tbh, but for now we’re leaning into the curve.  we’re getting out our shovel and finding out just how deep we can make the hole we’re in.  hand in unlovable hand my beloved <3.  anyway, these fics are wonderful, their authors are wonderful, and you should go read their stuff. if there’s a star next to it that means im losing my mind over it and always will be.

Creatively Maladjusted, by elumish on AO3, 101k  (they also have a wonderful writing advice blog on tumblr, @elumish, which I recommend following if you are a writer) 

A very excellent re-telling of harry’s first year at hogwarts if he were sorted into Slytherin, plus some more not!fic or piecemeal re-tellings of his second and part of his third year.  Harry, in this, has a slightly different trauma response to growing up with the Dursley’s.  He’s a bit quieter, and the signs are a bit more obvious to the people around him, and I enjoyed that immensely. 

Honestly, if you’re going to get sucked into something you have absolutely no business getting sucked into, elumish is the way to go, their fic is incredible. their teen wolf fic is also immaculate, if you’re so inclined. 

Dissonance, by ImpishTubist on AO3, 2.5k (@impishtubist on tumblr)

Set during fifth year.  Oblivious!Harry has always been a delightful trope when well executed, and this is well executed.  Plus, some angst between Remus and Harry over what Umbridge has been doing to him.

I would certainly recommend a lot of ImpishTubist’s other hp work on AO3, like Lacuna.

blow us all away, by rexcorvidae on AO3, 23k (@rexcorvidae on tumblr)

In progress (like, updated last week in progress).  Currently in the beginning of Harry’s first year.  Fem!Harry, Indian!Harry.  Hagrid puts Harry in touch with Remus when she has questions about her parents, and they become reluctant, traumatized, angst-ridden pen pals who keep missing each other’s true intentions like ships in the night.  hot DAMN do I love this fic.  there’s hints of the way the dursley’s treat Harry peaking through in her letters, and I appreciated the attention to “hmm, her experience as a girl of indian descent in britain under the thumb of a bunch of white people who like being Normal may not have been gucci”

Definitely comb through the rest of their HP fic, too, I may or may not have gone feral over it.

Where the Heart is, by silver_fish on AO3, 15k (@kohakhearts on tumblr)

Woof.  This one said, “hey, harry was probably SUPER depressed in the summer after fifth year.  like, clinically.  maybe someone should do something about that.”  Fuck yeah.  Then this one said, “that someone was Snape.”  You all know my opinions on Snape; generally, Bad.  But damn if this fic didn’t wholly convince me by the end of it.  I thought it was a very realistic way for Snape to start seeing Harry as a person all on his own, and not a proxy for Snape’s angst over James and Lily, respectively.  The angst is wonderful, the ending is even more so.

*bernie sanders voice* I am once again asking you to read through the rest of the author’s HP fic.  a lot of them have similar themes; there’s actually a great one with Molly that i’m not reccing here, Wonder.

☆Bindings, Bindings, by Quietlemonhush on AO3, 60k (@quietlemonhush on tumblr)

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH I ENJOYED/AM ENJOYING THIS.  If I had to pick a single fic and say “you, it’s your fault I’m stuck here,” it would be this one.  Anyway Lily in the afterlife is So Very Angry about how Petunia is treating Harry, and how Sirius is rotting in Azkaban, and how Remus is alone, that she literally brings herself back to life and drags James and Regulus with her.  All three of them are there to chew bubblegum and fix everything that went wrong after they died—and would you look at that, they’re all out of bubblegum!  There’s only Fury left.  That inciting premise is very crack, but every moment after that is very much not crack.  Lily and James love harry more than anything, the way a child should be loved; James and Sirius have the epic friendship of a lifetime; Sirius and Remus have staggering amounts of resolved sexual tension and take turns keeping each other in check; Regulus, though he realized that Voldemort and his family were shit before he died, is still unlearning all his racist bullshit and, also, years of trauma.  Actually, they’re all traumatized, but hey: now they have one another again and not a damn one of them seems inclined to let go anytime soon.  Quietlemonhush went, “hey, HP has a lot of Awful people in it, and a lot of Righteous people in it, and many of them are Very, Very Powerful; also, love is the most powerful force in the universe” and i said “hell yes tell me more right now.”  And then they did!

Quietlemonhush writes Sirius/Remus in a way that makes it sooo much fun to devour, so the rest of their HP fic is most certainly worth a look, if that’s your thing.

Rebuilding, by Colubrina on AO3, 113k (@colubrina on tumblr)

Hermione/Draco (*shrug emojis into the abyss* yeah, yeah, like none of us have ever been there before).  Takes place during Hogwarts 8th year, and while the beginning is, IMO, a little unfair to Ron, it gets much better.  Tells the story of Hermione and Draco clearing the air, learning to like each other, having some hormones over each other, and then falling in love.  Also tells the story of Hermione and Theo Nott becoming friends; the story of how every single 7th and 8th year student is fucked to hell by the war and the Carrows; the story of how they start an emotional support group about it and all become friends; and the story of, what the hell do you do with yourself after that kind of trauma?

I’ve been dipping in and out of Colubrina’s HP since before I was even on tumblr; I actually found them in those dark yesteryears when the only fandom interactions I had were on fanfiction.net.  Of such fame as Green Girl, which is an HP fic staple, and has also written a lot of wackier, crackier, and darker things than that.  If you don’t take yourself too seriously, I highly recommend many of their big HP works, though I imagine it’ll press some people’s buttons.  Colubrina’s work really does take up a corner of my mind whenever I’m in an HP mood, and will take up yours if you let it.

☆ all waiting is long, by shuofthewind on AO3, 149k ( @shu-of-the-wind on tumblr)

This is so well written that I can’t stop thinking about it.  It is occupying my mind when I lie awake at night, you know?  It’s one of those.  Hermione messes with something she probably shouldn’t have in Grimmauld Place, so when Sirius is sent through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries, she gets thrust into an alternate universe...in 1975.  Instead of handwaving it away, shuofthewind actually gets into the mechanics of it in a way that makes sense, to emphasize that hermione is never going home.  ever. The world she finds herself is shifted slightly to the left, quite a bit darker, but in a “the author is treating the idea of a society-wide conflict over blood purity much more seriously than JKR ever did” way, not a sensationalist way.  Now, Hermione has to grapple with all her grief at losing everyone she’s ever loved or known, the moral/ethical/magical implications of sharing what she knows about her future in an alternate world, and, you know, a goddamn war with people who want to murder her for being who she is.  This Hermione is smart, and she’s kind, and she’s powerful, and she’s making real friends.  If you hate JKR’s guts I’d go read this right now, because it delivers in all the ways she failed us.  It’s plotty, its got great world-building, and it pulls back the white curtain on the wizarding world to show you that, like real life, it’s multicultural and full of queer people...and the discrimination that comes with both.

shuofthewind write epics, mainly for the MCU, and I’ve read some of them a looooong time ago, so this fic kinda seemed out of left field for me but im SOOOO GLAD it exists.  If you want MCU fic you can sink your teeth into, go for it, but alas, they do not have any more HP fic (.......yet?)

Speak Now [+] Listen Now, by mrsfrizzle on AO3, 33k altogether

Harry reaches out to Remus for support because Umbridge is getting to him with her literal torture.  Remus, being a former professor, former mandatory reporter, person who loves Harry and has since he was born, and all around good man, tells Harry he has to tell someone, or Remus will.  It’s everything any adult looking back on that time in HP canon ever wanted, which is for an actual adult to say “what the fuck, those are literal chidlren” and then do something about it.  Then, a far more dangerous task: Harry trusts Remus enough to go to him about the Dursleys.  Harry and Remus’ relationship develops SO WELL, and there’s a bit of exploration about how Sirius may not exactly be guardian material, because he did in fact spend 12 years of his life getting tortured instead of growing up.  I think I’m actually going to go reread this right now, because it speaks to my id.

they do have some other HP fic which did not appeal to my hyperspecific wants, but may appeal to some of yours.  I think they’re also a published author, there should be a link on their profile page.

chase the stars, by Duskglass on AO3, 101k (@felix-duskglass on tumblr)

When Harry is five years old, a picture of him ends up in the Daily Prophet, and Sirius Black, Terror of Ministry Officials Touring Azkaban everywhere, gets a hold of that issue.  He then, in order: breaks out of Azkaban; crosses the countryside to Surrey; Finds Harry: Kidnaps Harry; Breaks Into Remus’ Apartment; starts processing (or maybe just acknowledging) his trauma from Azkaban, the war, and his childhood; and pines after Remus.  It’s a little plotty, and deals a lot (sometimes through flashbacks) with the specific awful things that happened to Sirius—largely because, after years in the constant presence of Dementors, those are nearly literally the only memories he has left.  It’s a wonder he’s got the strength to love Harry and Remus at all.  But then, maybe it isn’t.

This is a Very Serious Fic, but the rest of Duskglass’s HP work is actually just cracky enough to tickle your funny-bone, while still making you think “okay but why couldn’t we have done that in the first place.”

So!  That’s it for recs, for now.  These are all things I’ve found and read in the last month; if any of y’all are interested in my old HP recs, let me know and I can make a post for that, too.  While I’m still very conflicted about my choice of current fandom, I am not in ANY way conflicted about my taste in fic and authors.  Send these guys some love, read their fic if you’re so inclined, and leave some nice comments at the end of it.

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj