#he hurt me but it felt like true love
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I’m the sweetest boy ever, how could you not want me? 🐰
#bd/sm brat#bd/sm community#bd/sm daddy#bd/sm kink#rough daddy#bd/sm blog#rough k1nk#cnc brat#cnc k!nk#rough cnc#soft cnc#cnc daddy#daddy’s brat#daddy’s wh0re#daddy k!nk#daddy issues#k!nk community#k!nks#k!nk blog#rough kink#father figure#dumb wh0re#sweet boy#love me#he hurt me but it felt like true love#k!nk tag#k!ink#stupid slvt#sensitive#bpd struggles
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i can hear sirens, sirens ☆
#aesthetic#coquette#vintage#70s#80s#goth#grunge#skateboarding#coquette girl#daisy randone#lana moodboard#lana del rey aesthetic#girlblogger#girlblog#this is a girlblog#this is what makes us girls#he hit me and it felt like a kiss#ultraviolence#he hurt me but it felt like true love#gloomy coquette#coquette dollete#lana del rey unreleased#lana del slay#lana del rey#ldr#lizzy grant aesthetic#lizzy grant
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there r a lot of things about the myth of psyche and eros that makes me a little insane but one of them has always been the tasks from aphrodite and the unfairness of it. they're not intended to be possible. they're so obviously not meant to be possible, and psyche isn't fucking hercules, you know, she's not a demigod or whatever, she's mortal and these aren't mortal tasks!! it's why psyche has to be helped with each one, fucking by like ants and river gods and shit. and so like. idk. i know ppl see psyche and eros as like a story about love and shit which obviously it is but as a kid psyche and eros always felt like a story about being able to accept help
#in my theoretical adaptation of psyche and eros i'll never write i emphasize this theme#by changing psyche from a princess and youngest daughter to a poorer girl and eldest daughter who is very like. sophie hatter esque#also tbh when i first started thinking about my theoretical adaptation of psyche and eros i was reading hmc LMAO#also also ALSO. as a kid i always felt like the story was soooo deeply about regret and atonement and forgiveness#like YES the story is about love but not about easy love. love is difficult and requires work and sometimes u hurt each other !!!!!#it always struck me as a kid how psyche just. accepts the tasks.#i always read it as like. psyche KNOWS these tasks are unfair and i dont even think she expects to achieve them#but she accepts them anyways because she so deeply regrets what she did to eros and has no idea what else she can do.#am i verbalizing this well or have the worms eating my brain reached an irreversible point#also tbf im pretty sure the version i read as a kid didnt include the multiple times psyche tries to kill herself LMAO.#but we're ignoring that because i love the idea that shes just. so aimless and resigned to the tasks#ALSO on eros' side of things#i dont have like proper analysis about it but as a kid i saw eros hiding his face as like. fear?#like. fear that the person he loves will think he's a monster if he reveals his true self. or somethin. which also. i think is very queer#also very beauty and the beast. for obvious reasons since it was based on psyche and eros lmao#oh also. i already mentioned it but psyche and hercules r so similar.#did something unforgivable to a loved one --> given multiple impossible tasks to atone for it etc etc#i dont have any real analysis abt it i dont remember a lot abt hercules tbh but. yah#ALSO. okay i think retellings of hades and persephone where theyre totally in love and stuff r kinda tired.#BUT. in the theoretical adaptation i always imagined a scene where psyche does the last task where she goes to the underworld#and shes tired shes soso tired#and she goes to persephone and persephone is gentle and motherly which aphrodite has Not been to psyche#and i think if persephone is unkidnapped and truly in love w hades#then i think there could be a fun parallel between persephone and psyche in which like. theyre both in love w ppl#who are seen as monsters. and shit. or whatever#anyways. idk what made me think abt this again. ACTUALLY i do know i might write a twine for the neotwiny game jam#and it might be inspired by psyche and eros#anyways. lmao#jc.txt
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on the nature of love.
Hermann Hesse, Crisis: Pages from a Diary; “The Seducer” / Anna Akhmatova, The Complete Poems of Anna Akhmatova / Jamie T - Tinfoil Boy, cover / Azra T / Ada Limón, “The Good Fight” / Marie Rutkoski, The Winner's Kiss / Angela Carter, “The Erl-King” / Indigo De Souza - Sleep Talking / ? / Ernest Hemingway, “The Garden of Eden” / Catherine Breillat / Blue Velvet (1986)
#love#quote#poetry#web weaving#literature#quotes#words#hermann hesse#ernest hemingway#anna akhmatova#ada limon#marie rutkoski#angela carter#indigo de souza#catherine breillat#blue velvet#i know this theme is completely overdone and theres a LOT more i couldve included#like kiss with a fist/ he hit me and it felt like true love/ kiss your knuckles before they touch my cheek etc#but those feel… way too violent somehow#and yes that is the whole point but i wanted to focus more on the hurting out of love#which is reciprocal#love is agony#and its beautiful
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I'm so????
?????
No but Fatale really must be Kamiki and Aqua's song, I need the full song
There are two singers singing this op, what if that implies that it's the two boys that were the closest to Ai expressing their feelings towards her? Oh boy..; she really IS a fatale. She's got these boys hopelessly(in a literal sense) attached to her. I think there could be a reason why the op is a duet.
#oshi no ko#oshi no ko spoilers#she's unintentionally made the boys who loved her fall into despair and (probably) go extreme lengths...#I'm sure ai's always meant good for them but boy#that's tragic#considering what kind of character she is I always felt her lover would be hopelessly be in love w her since she's designed to be “lovely”#so I am not surprised one bit#I hope my thoughts about this song is true#then Ai was at least loved very dearly(may it be a really..twisted one)#I wouldn't support it if he tried to hurt her or never cared. that's just wrong but if it turns out to be otherwise..I hope that is the cas#hikaai#kamiai#tell me if there's a better tag for them..I may end up getting a lot more invested BECAUSE#I need the full op like now#oshi no theories
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Better to be scorned by Balon the Brave than beloved of Euron Crow's Eye. (The Prophet, AFFC)
I'm not getting into whether Euron is even capable or love (though he does refer to Aeron as a "loved one" in TWOW), what interests me in this sentence is the way Aeron's views of his brothers contrasts with his views on what brotherly love means.
Aeron seems to have a great admiration for Balon as a ruler, he sees him as everything a king was meant to be, the man who restored some of the former glory of the Iron Islands, a man that Aeron even considered to be one of the pillars in his life. On the other hand he despises everything Euron represents, both to himself —given the abuse he suffered— and to the collective people of the Iron Islands, their way of living and specially their religion considering Euron's "ungodliness". But love seems to be something he associates with Euron, rather than Balon. Which is interesting because he understands very well that he was abused, he never sugarcoats anything, he seems certain and righteous in his hatred for Euron and doesn't justify his brother hurting him. Not like he justifies Balon's scorn ("I was weak and full of sin, and scorn was more than I deserved"). And yet, he felt loved (a very twisted sort of love) by Euron in a way that he never felt he was by Balon. To Aeron scorn can't coexist with love, but abuse can. It's the kind of mindset that makes sense when you're part of a society whose values are mostly built on violence.
#he hit me and it felt like a kiss 🤕 he hurt me but it felt like true love ❤️🩹...#aeron greyjoy#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#meta
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everyday i wake up and i think about carlos reyes anc his relationship with his sexuality and his parents. what do you mean he came out to them when he was 17 and he's still waiting for them to say something? what do you mean he's still waiting?? what do you mean his father didn't want him to be a cop because he thought carlos was too soft? what do you mean he came out at 17, scared and nervous, and they smiled and told him it was okay only to turn around and spend the next, what, decade?, never talking about it?????
#it like kills me actually#and i see that a lot of people tag fics about carlos and his parents as 'unreliable narrator bc carlos believes things about his parents#that arent necessarily true' and like yeah they might not be true objectively but they were true for carlos for most of his adult life#like yeah his parents were always okay with him being gay but he didn't know that#it didn't feel that way to him. that wasn't his lived experience!!!!#if my dad came to me tmrw and told me that he does love me and he is proud of me and he does like me and that the past 14 years were#just thoughts i made up in my head or whatever#does that make my lived experience of never being enough for my father not real? does that make the hurt i felt any less real?#does me being wrong about how my father feels stop the last decade and a half from aching less?#sorry that got personal real quick#um anyway#im only on season 3 and if they talk it out please let me know!!!!#carlos reyes#911 lone star
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Grace FUMBLED Ryan! BAD parenting to preach respect and then act contrarily (ie saying she wants him to feel safe, then not allowing him any autonomy). She should've let him leave and come back... or at least explained why she didn't want him to leave before deciding (ex: 'Homelander will kidnap you', etc). She needed to let him make the decision for himself... agh. AAAAA.
And now Butcher's no use because he's committed to being evil and can't offer ANYTHING good to Ryan!!! He was so right, they NEEDED to give Ryan more space... I know the external pressures seemed impossible, but dammit, Grace, this was no way to beat the odds!
(this is about The Boys season four)
#ryan butcher#the boys#How much does Ryan know about his dad's upbringing?#Because he's right... Grace trapping him would've been like Vought and young Homelander... AAAGH#I hate it!!! When the heroes are genuinely more moral than the villains#but they make the same fatal mistakes and doom their cause in the process!!#AAA!!! GRACE!!!!#I don't hate her. I think she was dead wrong but I do not despise her. I know she meant it from the bottom of her heart--#--when she said she loves him.#But as she said it I couldn't help but imagine Barbara saying that to young John in the exact same way...#Grace may not have wanted to be like that but her actions would've had the same effect.#It hurts because I know so much where she's coming from#but it's just dead true that they can't reach a happy ending by treating someone so inhumanely.#Anyway. I hurt#Homelander is EVIL and THE BAD GUY#and this is not mutually exclusive with the fact that HE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN TREATED LIKE THAT (how Vought raised him)#And it HURTS because the protagonists who were able to get to Ryan understood the first part (Homelander evil)#but not the second!!!! (His upbringing was a moral abomination)#It hurty it hurty because I WANT Ryan to heal...I want SOME kind of closure to what happened to the kid Homelander once was...#Ryan and his dad (insofar as he is Ryan's dad) had the potential to get to that place Hughie described...that place of forgiveness#where it's not win all vs lose all.... where it's confronting hell and making something good out of it...#Homelander was corrupting the trust he and Ryan were building by traumatizing Ryan and pushing him to do evil things....#..but god...GODDD....Hughie was SO RIGHT in his speech... what he and Victoria had is the answer. That's the answer!!!#And there was a MERE GLIMMER of a chance that Ryan and Homelander could enact that healing#And damn!! After the name of the game being 'kill Homelander' for the other three seasons#seeing the answer be 'violence only exacerbates suffering.. let's make things better instead' .... It would've been so amazing...#ah! Too good to be true!!!!#Butcher saying 'If where you feel safest is with Homelander then I won't stop you' HIT SO HARD#knowing that Ryan has felt so afraid....#they made it about the relationship between a child and their abusive parent and uh BIG SURPRISE it's breaking me
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he hit me and it felt like a kiss jim brought me back reminded me of when we were kids with his ultraviolence ultraviolence ultraviolence
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Wait what are your petty grievances with wfa
Well. They are indeed petty. My primary one being that it just feels like they're....having too much of a good time.
which isn't even so much a writing flaw as me knowing what i want out of a story; I tend to gravitate a lot towards fluff and snuggles myself but I gravitate to them as a balm for my spiritual aches. I seek comfort when I need comforting, and I want the fluff coming to the characters who ALSO need comfort. It's hard for me to empathize with characters who aren't feeling any of an ordinary day's stress that I might feel. especially when they're engaged in activities and experiences that realistically would result in MUCH higher levels of mental and emotional strain.
(also i have five siblings and it feels cruelly unrealistic for the Wayne sibs to hang out as much as they do and not fight. I'm not talking about the petty bickering. Bickering isn't the same thing as leaving a conversation with your brother and being filled with a genuine rageful desire to PUNT the little jerk)
#yeah idk#just doesn't feel real#to ME. if that wasn't clear#i know a lot of people like it and it's introduced a lot of people to the batfamily and that does make me happy. i like that people enjoy i#!!#i just don't feel like it's an honest portrayal of how it feels to love and be loved within a large family like that#it feels saccharine and false#feels like a candy house#which means i distrust it on a personal and intrinsic level#the story where bruce missed cass' ballet recital was the last straw for me i think#because it actually engaged me#it's true to bruce's character!! he does a lot of messing up and he doesn't always know how to fix it!!#but it just got wham bam resolved and cass was just happy and chill immediately after#and. it felt so flat#because if it was that easy the whole time why did he even bother stressing about it#just felt like a very weak victory#if that happened within my family i know we'd all be feeling the tension of it for a good few weeks after. at least.#and. to be clear. i have a GOOD family. i love my parents. i get along with my siblings. i still have deep memories of being hurt by them#and of hurting them#because we're human beings and that's what people do. we love each other and hurt each other anyway and we have to move on#idk. i'll get off my soapbox. i just have a lot of thoughts about this#ask and ye shall receive
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Tumblr sorta needs a 'Mute' feature in my opinion. Like what if I don't want to block this user, what if I don't want to become enemies and in some days I'd like to interact. But also most of the time seeing how they avidly encourage everyone else whereas I get the passive-aggressive 'oh yeah very uhh... interesting... (please leave me alone I don't like your art lol)' makes me want to unfollow every single fan of these characters and never draw them again.
I remember two years ago the exact same thing happened when someone liked the same character and the same ship and I swear I was the only person in the fandom they bluntly left out and could not spare a single good word for. I can't even blame this on my art being "ugly" because this type of user always aggressively praises all art styles and all levels of skill, it feels more like 'a personal thing except we never fought a single time'. And now my toxic trait of needing approval from [cool person name] is back to haunt me years later! Add the unability to "abandon" this character/ship/whatever despite wanting to after facing so much unspoken passive spite, because I am a contrarian and the best way to trap me into doing something is to try to exclude me from it. I didn't face attempts to very aggressively bully me out of the yard/class/community/etc, sometimes with physical violence included, only to let something mid like passive aggression online finally do it.
I am really stupid and naive person despite my age, but in like 5% of the cases I will still understand the hint and understand what is going on. Yet I have to pretend to be clueless even in rare situations when I know someone hates me, because since they never admitted it, quitting will be perceived as me being "paranoid". But dear goooood, it hurts sometimes. I hope that one day I will be numbed to being treated as a tumor on an otherwise healthy body of society that someone is dying to amputate- and always a person whose approval I want, of all people. Knowing that this day will come is one of the things that keep me going as both a person and a creator. Things like viruses and diseases still try their best to persist, so even if I am actually one, I should persist. It doesn't matter whether I actually rot everything around me or this is just my self-depreciating delusion upon focusing on people that mistreated me and not people that loved me. What matters is persisting, I just still feel angry that it hurts. I can't respond spite with spite or passive aggression with passive aggression, I can't do the 'smug asshole' when I become aware that someone tries to starve me until I "die". I can just fall over and cry about it like a kicked dog, despite being so old, especially when it is a person I didn't have anything against.
And really.. It is as simple as turning the internet off, so I don't see The Person and can focus on doing stuff that I like, as if they never existed and can't crash my self-esteem. It is just annoying to keep doing this, a feature to not see them unless I am in the mood would be better. Like.. blocking is not an option. Not only it implies being enemies which is not my intention, but also it will be like an "evidence" that I was "crazy". They didn't do anything, right? Well, they know what they did, but it was never verbal, so it is my fault I "imagined things", right?
#/vent#/negative#/HEAVILY negative#fandomry rambles#like I started crying typing this do not read it unless you already know#it is just stupid how I don't even need any sort of drama to *just* annoy people to THIS severe point#like I said even before everything there was a very similar situation#I just evoke some primal hatred in specific type of people#it is probably what happened with maasanox but they apologized and moreover felt bad vibes from the stalker bully idiot#it is more like that meme from Lilo and Stitch#'ah yeah all artists and other creative fans deserve knowing they are liked and talented and supported...'#*katya walks in* 'EXCEPT THAT ONE!!!!!!!'#the punchline is that the two years ago guy and todays guy are fans of the same character#I swear the fictional bastard has abnormal ability to reveal the ugliest truths and bring out the worst in people#like the last time someone kinned the twink every single person here showed their true face and that was painful#not a single person got spared of showing what they were made of and me lacking spine was the LEAST of the sins brought up for judgement#you see this is why truth hurts. because people are terrible. truth is always ugly because WE are always ugly#I kinda love him for that but seriously can he stop making the worst things surface for FIVE minutes lol#in my excuse I am TRYING to kill my 'inner child' because these problems are too stupid but it seems impossible#I am a kicked dog with rabies in the past today and always
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he hit me and it felt like a kiss.
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You, Me and the Apocalypse "Jamie" On Set Interview - Mathew Baynton
#you me and the apocalypse#ymataedit#jamie winton#mat baynton#mathew baynton#*#*mat#okay but i'm obsessed with this interview and i have so many feelings about this#the confirmation of jamie's rules and routines for himself being a trauma response#is absolutely incredible. brilliant. because it's true#you can't get hurt if you wear the same things and do the same things#go to work at the same time and eat at the same time and speak to the same people#and while jamie is very much introverted and awkward and anxious#i very much think he'd be much more relaxed w/o the trauma#i'm thinking about pre-layla (and pre-ariel ruining his life) jamie#going out with his friends and wearing whatever he felt like wearing#laughing and joking and socialising with ease#he doesn't know he was adopted; he's got a loving mum and his best mate dave#and other mates and potential girlfriends#he's not been smacked by losing the love of his life yet#nor has ariel destroyed every potential relationship he wouldn't be able to control#he'd be so full of hope for the future and so full of life#it's why paula is SO worried about him come the show i think#she saw what he was like before ariel started slapping him down. but more than that#because those kinda losses that humble you are. fairly ordinary. ahh you didn't get the grades for uni? move on. you're not special#but losing your wife the moment you marry her? poof. vanished into thin air? yeah. that'll do it#i reckon that's why paula and dave are so encouraging of his moving on / dave pushes about his routines etc#they remember pre-layla jamie without the safety measures he's put up; the walls of routine and sameness that keep danger out#but also his loved ones and new potential loved ones. ANYWAY im out of tags so i gotta leave it here i condensed this SO MUCH
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#personal#poetry#I feel like I could have done more with this one#maybe I’ll revisit it someday#this one is about the Big Love#a few days after this was written was the last time we ever spoke#I felt like he infiltrated everything in my life#I couldn’t stop thinking about him#it drove me crazy#I healed thankfully#but god did it hurt#I haven’t written about him in a long time#but now I feel if I do the poems will be different#not about yearning#but about growth#so maybe the last line is true
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You are seriously my favorite blog right now. You opinions and meta for ikevamp are so spot on. You somehow are able to flush the characters more than the canon. I just wanted to say I appreciate all the time you put into your writings and I love everything you have written so far!!!!
In Comte and Leo we trust 🫡
Aww, thank you so much! 💛💛💛
Honestly I have no control over the brainworms, I feel like Ikevamp is so saturated with implications that extrapolating becomes so much natural fun for me. I started writing and analyzing (with no supervision to stop me, big mistake) and I'm still so fascinated with it. I can't believe it's been almost what...four years? Five years? Since I started playing the Japanese version where this all began. I'm frankly flattered a lot of people agree/like my takes, it makes sharing my work really rewarding in ways I never expected~
I don't always have time for more than Comte thirsting and silly quotes these days, but you're more than welcome to enjoy what I've curated here! I imagine I won't stop shitposting until the app is discontinued, and even then I'm not confident I'll shut up 🤣🤣🤣 Comte's the best baby girl I've ever known lmfao
o7 PUREBLOOD STAN OR BUST HELL YEAH!
#tysm for such a kind ask! this made my day <333#pureblood propaganda#(people need to stop validating my breaching containment it only makes me more powerful /j)#sometimes I wish the eng ver implemented more of the depth and hank pank from the og more consistently but alas#localizations are a bit of a hit or miss business im afraid#i also love how i've inadvertently created a sad pureblood fan club over the years (not you vlad)#(you can join after you've had your time out like a good boy)#but in all seriousness i find their lives strikingly saturated with complex emotion and subtle tragedy/melancholy#ig for a lack of a better description i just feel like they're relatable?#like yeah if i was leonardo and my abusive family could harass me forever#i would also be incredibly guarded and set in my ways to protect myself and probably hate vampires and their power plays#if--like comte--i felt a sense of identification with the people i was pressured to subjugate#i'd feel lost and empty too; unable to co-exist with my own kind but also inevitably at a distance from humans#both scenarios create an emotional and relational quagmire#and i think what's even harder about it for both of them is that they just have no choice--and rather few allies besides each other#all they can really choose is duplicity if they wish to remain true to themselves and reasonably survive#and i think that's a really exhausting/somewhat self-impoverishing position to be in#comte tries to subsist on ephemeral moments he shares with people--with varying levels of success (little)#leonardo forces himself into stasis bc if he doesn't he'll keep making the same mistakes#aka getting too close to people and getting hurt when their time ends#ive prbly said all this before but idk in light of so much i've learned since starting this blog#the allusions to vampirism being a vehicle for certain 'othered' identities seems boundless to me (domestic abuse/class structures/nd etc.)#vlad is a pureblood but he seems like one of those flat movie vampires pandering to the aesthetic obsessions of a v particular audience#any story needs both flat and round characters--so naturally his existence serves a purpose/function; nothing wrong with that#but i find myself to be too Shrek to be v invested in him (FAVES HAVE L A Y E R S)#ig i just think its very easy and a bit bland to associate vampires with horror/gore/unmitigated violence/extreme emotionality#but much more engaging to explore the status of monstrosity as it relates to oppressed identities and unconventional kindness#or maybe that's just the monsterfker in me--in which case sorry everyone being cringe on main (it will happen again)
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not to say my daily take again, but bunny's specific lack of place, the fact that even his friends don't even like him, and that he lies constantly and can switch from hot to cold and from loving to disdainful but keep acting like everything is fine afterwards is what being highly masking is like and it's terrifying mentally thanks for coming to my ted talk.
#especially when he shits on everyone around him#ive felt that in my SOUL#because when you're autistic and you talk - your own words seem meaningless to you in a sense#like we convey sentiments#which is why voice control is also hard to do#i can call someone all sorts of names and not feel even a slither bad aboutit and love them very much#even not be that upset at them#but break their heart and they interpret it as me like not liking them fundamentally#and it creates this sort of place where the autistic individual always feels like a performer#and a natural deceiver#whose real intentions are not understood but always feels out of place#even among friends#also why we are seen as unfeeling when thats not really true#i dont think Edmund TM is a particularly empathetic person but he would have more of it than lets say richard#but that's internalized#to a degree that it's like nothing is ever wrong and he just wants to hurt them torture them#rip edmund corcoran you would have absolutely loathed autism tiktok
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