#he has to go through a couple years of surgeries and replacements for all of his cyberware and his body is just...overloaded

[meltlilies]

north oak, 2081.

[hotwritergf]

Comfort item🧸

It has been a hell of a day. Early rise and a late finish, with maybe 5 minutes worth of a lunch break in between few cigarettes stops. Getting on the jet felt like finally being able to breathe. The unsub was caught, the case cracked, justice served. That’s what you signed up for. As you open your backpack in your seat, you rummage around in the depths of your bag, a deep sense of guilt and disappointment hitting the pit of your stomach.

You pale, realising you’d left your one comfort item at home.

The whole team had one, Reid had his blanket, Morgan his headphones and JJ a book to read. Yours was rather particular and could not be replaced, your stuffed animal, but he was more than that. He is an Eeyore plushie that you’ve been inseparable with since the day you received him as a birthday gift. Over the years he’d been ripped and sewn up, every time you pretended to give him anaesthetic for his surgery. He’d been with you, through all the nights you couldn’t sleep, the nights you’d cried yourself to sleep. He’d even shared the bed with your ex boyfriends, much to their dismay.

You knew this journey home without Eeyore would be a sleepless one.

"Hi."

Hotch slips himself into the seat next to you. He notices her sitting curled up on the seat and he can't help but notice how miserable you look, curling herself into a ball to almost hide from something.

"Are you doing okay?"

He asks, keeping his voice low to not disturb the others. You whisper in response, just muttering something about being tired.

"You look it. This was a tiring case. You should get some sleep."

He looks across to the others playing cards. Reid was almost definitely cheating again he assumed, as Morgan stared across the table with eyes like daggers, Emily’s head rested on his shoulder as she laughed at the confrontation in front of her.

"They'll probably keep going for a couple more hours if you can ignore them."

You pout, Hotch would be a safe person to share this problem with. He has a child so he’s definitely seen similar conundrums, maybe Jack wasn’t as much as of a baby as you are at the grown age of 22.

“I- I can’t sleep. Not without my Eeyore.”

You mutter under your breath, praying Aaron hears it. Admitting the fact again would be too embarrassing to endure.

He chuckles lightly at her choice of sleep companion.

"And your Eeyore toy is at home?"

He looks down at you, lifting your chin up with his thumb so you look him in the eye. You nod shyly in response, slipping into a nonverbal headspace.

Aaron looks sympathetic as she nods with a frowny face, but he still can’t resist teasing you.

"Aww, you miss your stuffed animal."

He smirks, making a little teasing remark. He matches his facial expression with yours, both modelling pouty frowns. Staring into each other’s eyes, you’re not sure how you started this game of getting the other to break the act and laugh. But you were certainly losing. Your lips curl up into a smirk and you let out a soft breathy giggle, your smile growing when he smirks back.

"Lie down then, come on."

Hotchner pats his lap, offering for her to rest her head on it. He adjusts his position so he's sat more comfortably and begins to gently run his calloused fingers through her hair, gently stroking it.

“This should help you fall asleep, hm?"

You feel the breath you’ve been accidentally holding release, your shoulders fall and for the first time all day you feel calm. You practically purr under his touch, smiling up and nodding at him.

Hotch glances down fondly as his hand continues to gently run through her hair.

"Good."

He lowers his voice to a hushed whisper as to not disturb the other members of the team who are a few seats down.

"You are adorable, you know that?"

You feel your cheeks burn under your new found blush, rolling your head inwards to hide your face in his stomach. You squeal internally, realising you’re basically putty in his hands.

"Hey, what's wrong, hm?"

He questions, still keeping his voice gentle as he glances back down at her, his arms wrapped around her in a tight yet still comfortable hug.

“Nothing.. I- I miss Eeyore, but this is nice too.”

You manage to blurt out, half in nervousness and the other in honesty.

“When you get home, you can tell Eeyore all about how brave you were on your adventure without him. And you’re right, this is nice. Sweet girl, just needed to cuddle up and get a few head scratches. It’s cute you know? It’s precious. Having a comfort item, it doesn’t make you weak.”

Hotch speaks earnestly, running his fingers through your outgrown fridge and tucking the hair behind your ear.

"And I, I'll happily keep doing this as long as it keeps you sleepy. It's kind of cute how much of a baby you are and how easy it is to send you to sleep with a gentle head rub.“

Aaron’s voice sounded like silk, so soft and calming. It makes your eyelids feel heavier until they close. It can’t be that bad to take a nap on your bosses lap, can it?

[jakey-beefed-it]

My cat, Frisbee, is dying.

He's been losing weight for a while now. At first it was a good thing, we thought- he was a big chonker of a tubby boy, and we figured switching him from unregulated kibble whenever he felt like it to set meal times of wet food, plus running up and down the stairs of his new house after he moved to Toronto with me, was making a difference. Certainly it did, but he continued to lose weight beyond his goal of 12 pounds, and began vomiting copious amounts of bile every couple of nights.

We took him in to the vet and confirmed he was a little underweight at 10.3 pounds, and with his list of symptoms the vet was hopeful that it was either feline diabetes or hyperthyroidism, both of which are treatable. Unfortunately, his white blood cell count came back outrageously high such that he almost certainly has gastrointestinal lymphoma. Which is apparently not uncommon in middle-aged cats (he's nearly ten).

They could confirm it with an exploratory surgery, but his health is obviously suffering already and there's no guarantee he'd survive the very expensive surgery. Much less the subsequent very expensive chemotherapy which would only buy him another six months to two years, on average.

Even if I had the money for the drastic options, I don't think I'd go for it- just putting the poor guy through all that when he can't understand why we're doing it. But I don't have the money anyway, so it makes it a little easier to accept that the best thing I can do for him now is make him comfortable and happy for as long as I can.

He's got, probably, a few weeks to a few months. Possibly a little more if he responds well to anti-inflammatories and can digest a bit more of his food a bit better. That much we can do for him.

I'm going to spoil him rotten for whatever time we have left. I already spoiled him with constant cuddles and affection and treats, but now instead of an overlarge handful of treats once a day, he's getting it two or three times a day. And mealtimes are off; he meows and runs to his bowl, he gets food. Why not- it will make him happy and it might make him a little stronger. His weight certainly isn't an issue.

He's been a dear friend these past nearly ten years, there for me with his head bonks and trilling purrs and grooming my beard for me like I was a fellow cat in good times and bad. He's the best cat I've ever had, and nothing can ever replace him. But there's nothing left for me to do but to make him as happy and comfortable as I can for as long as I can, until it becomes clear that he's suffering, at which point I can grant him a painless passing with me at his side.

I'm. Not doing well, emotionally, but that's to be expected. I love this little guy more than is remotely reasonable and I'm going to miss him like a vital organ when he's gone. But until then, yeah. He gets spoiled. He deserves it.

Pictured here in better health, a floofy chonker nonpareil.

[jensengirl83]

You’ll Accompany Me- Chp 12

Jensen x reader

Word Count-2453

Warnings- Language, Fluff, ANGST

A/N- I’m sorry for this chapter, but I’m not lol

Y/N and Jensen had been settled into their home in Austin for a few days. Everything had gone well after the little argument about her apartment, all that forgotten. She was in the kitchen drinking her morning coffee, looking over emails and trying to finish up the little details for the con they were leaving for in two days.

Other than her doctor’s appointment later that morning, and Jensen going to pick up the kids, this was the last thing on the to-do list. They could relax and enjoy the next couple of days with the kids and each other. She was still engrossed in her phone when he walked into the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee and walking over to sit beside her, making her jump.

“Damn it, Jay. You’re always scaring me,” she groaned.

“It’s not my fault that you don’t pay attention to your surroundings,” he chuckled, leaning in to kiss her.

“Fair point. I’m trying to get the last of the con details ironed out before I leave, so we can just enjoy the next few days with the kids, and I won’t be distracted.”

“How’s that going?” he asked, sipping on his drink, laying his hand on her thigh with a light squeeze.

“One more email to send, and I’m done. Other than my appointment later, we’re all set to chill now,” she smiled up at him.

“And this is to have your birth control changed?”

"Not changed, per se, but replaced. I have the implant in my arm. It has to be replaced every three years, so I’m having it done before the con season.”

“Damn. Doesn’t that hurt?” he winced, thinking about what they had to do to get the implant in her arm.

“It’s not pleasant, but that’s what needs to be done,” she shrugged.

“Men have it so easy,” he huffed, thinking about everything he didn’t have to go through that women did.

“You got that right, Ackles,” she laughed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing, Jay?” she asked curiously.

“It just sucks what you have to go through to not have a kid. I don’t like the thought of that thing in your arm hurting you.”

“It’s fine, babe. It’s really not that bad. It will be sore for a few days but a lot less painful than childbirth,” she giggled when he nodded his head in agreement.

“Pregnancy didn’t seem too fun, either. I remember Dee throwing up a lot and saying how bad her back, feet, and pretty much everything else hurt.”

“Yeah, doesn’t sound like a good time,” she agreed.

“Well, what time do you have to leave?”

“In about twenty minutes,” she said, glancing at the time on her phone.

“Okay. I’ll just wait on you to get back before I go get the kids, and you can go with me,” he said, then shook his head, “That’s if you’ll feel like going. It’s okay if you don’t.”

“I’ll be fine, Jay. It’s not like I’m having major surgery or anything,” she giggled, kissing him quickly before she stood.

“Fine. I worry about you, ya know?”

“I know you do, and that’s just one of the many reasons I love you,” she winked, kissing him once more, “I have to go get dressed. I’ll be back soon. I love you.”

“I love you too, honey. I’ll be here waiting when you get back.”

“I’m holding you to it,” she pointed at him with a smirk.

“I wouldn’t expect any less, my love,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes playfully.

“They’re going to get stuck in your head like that,” she yelled in a sing-song voice as she walked away.

“Go get ready and get the hell out of here, would ya?”

“I’m going, I’m going,” she cackled, Jensen joining her, not able to fight it anymore.

Y/N was lying on the uncomfortable table in the exam room waiting on the doctor. She’d already been checked in, peed in a cup, and all the things they make you go through at the gynecologist. Now it was a waiting game for the doctor to come in, confirm she’s not pregnant, and then take out the implant and insert the new one. She wanted to get it over with so she could get back home to Jensen, and they could go get the kids. She loved when they were there with them. It was always a great time laughing and playing. The knock at the door made her sit up, seeing her doctor walk in.

“Hey, doc. Let’s get this show on the road,” she laughed. She had a great relationship with her doctor and had known her for years.

“Uh, Y/N, I need you to have an ultrasound first,” Dr. Williams said with no hint of a smile on her face.

“Why? What’s wrong?” she asked, scared that she had an anomaly with her lab tests.

“Your pregnancy test came back positive.”

“What?! That’s impossible. It has to be a lab error. I’m not late coming in to have this replaced.”

“It’s a rare possibility, but not impossible. It’s not likely, but I want to do an ultrasound to make sure. If not, then we need to figure out what’s wrong with your hormones.”

“Then let’s do it. Don’t make me panic for no reason longer than I have to,” she grumbled.

“Y/N, there is a minimal chance that you’re pregnant. But, it’s almost a certainty that it will be ectopic. It’s so very rare to have an actual intrauterine implanting on the implant.”

“Well, if it’s an ectopic pregnancy, I need to get it taken care of ASAP. We leave in two days for the convention season.”

“Okay, well, let’s see what’s happening.”

Dr. Williams sat beside her, getting the wand and gel, squirting it on Y/N’s lower abdomen, and bringing the wand down to start scanning. Y/N held her breath as she watched her doctor’s face, looking for any sign on her facial features that something was wrong. Unfortunately, she had a superb poker face and wasn’t showing any emotion on her face as she continued to move the instrument around on Y/N’s stomach. After what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Williams turned to face her and sighed.

“Y/N, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you’re pregnant.”

“Okay, well, how quick can you remove it out of the tube? It’s not a major surgery, is it?”

“No, uh, it’s not ectopic, Y/N. It’s an actual intrauterine pregnancy. From the looks of it, you’re around nine weeks along.”

“No! That can’t be right. There’s no way!”

“I know it’s a shock. But, listen,” Dr. Williams said softly, hitting a button and a loud rhythmic sound filling the room, “That’s the baby’s heartbeat.”

It was like a tidal wave of feelings rushed over her. She was shocked into silence as she listened to her baby’s heart. Her baby. She never thought this would ever be an experience she would have, never thinking she wanted kids. But, now, hearing that beautiful sound, she’s never wanted anything so bad in her life. She realized she had never wanted kids because she had never loved a man like she loved Jensen, and that meant everything.

Tears slid down her cheeks as the doctor pointed out the baby’s heart on the screen. She didn’t know how she would break it to Jensen, but she knew that it would all be okay in the end. He loved her, and after the initial shock wore off, he would be happy too.

“Here,” the doctor handed her a few prints of the ultrasound, “Come back and see me in six weeks, so we can keep a check on the little one. Now, we have to get that implant out.”

Y/N was a nervous wreck as she walked into the house. She knew she had to tell him, and she knew he would be shocked, but she hoped after a little while, he’d be okay. He had said on numerous occasions that he didn’t want any more kids, but sometimes life throws you a curveball, and you just have to go with it. He was sitting at the island in the kitchen, and she took a deep breath in preparation for the conversation they had to have. Her breath alerted him to her presence.

“Hey, honey. How’d it go?”

“Well, not as expected…,” she mumbled.

“What? What’s wrong, baby? Talk to me.”

“Jay, I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it bluntly,” she sighed, squaring her shoulders and looking him in the eye, “I’m pregnant.”

The silence was eerie as he stared at her as if he was waiting on her to say it was a joke. The longer he looked at her, she could see the realization set in on his face, but she wasn’t prepared for what was coming next.

“What the fuck, Y/N?!” he yelled, making her jump back, “How in the hell did this happen?!”

“Do you have to ask that question?” she huffed, “We had sex, Jay, and now I’m pregnant.”

“No shit! I’m not an idiot. I meant, how did you get pregnant when you were supposed to be on birth control?”

“Supposed to be? What are you trying to imply? That I lied about having the implant?” she replied angrily, pissed off that he would even imply something like that.

“That’s not what I said, damn it.”

“Sure sounds like that’s what you’re trying to say.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Y/N. You know what I meant. How did you get pregnant on birth control?!”

“I don’t know! It’s rare for it to happen. Nothing is one hundred percent effective, though. I know you’re in shock right now, so I’m not going to be upset at your reaction, but we have to talk about this.”

“What do you want me to say? I told you I don’t want more kids, Y/N!”

“I didn’t either, damn it!”

“Wait. Didn’t or don’t, two different meanings there…,” he glared at her, his emotions taking over completely.

“Didn’t….”

“Fuck, Y/N! I thought we agreed on this. No kids! Now you’re changing your mind? What the hell?”

“I heard the heartbeat, and…,” she began to speak, but he interrupted her.

“Heartbeat or not, I don’t want more kids! How much plainer do I have to be?”

“Well, too late for that now, huh?” she quipped, getting angrier by the minute.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he growled, walking away to the bedroom.

“Where are you going? We’re still having a conversation!” she yelled at his back.

“Conversations over for now. I need to be alone for a while. And this stays between us.”

“Whatever,” she groaned, “I guess I’ll just sit here and wait on you to finish having this discussion.”

“Yeah, you do that,” he bit back, slamming the bedroom door behind him.

She sank down onto the stool at the island, hanging her head in her hands. She knew he would be shocked, but she didn’t expect him to have that reaction. He had never spoken to her like that in the sixteen years they had known each other, and it broke her heart. She would give him his alone time, but they had to finish having the conversation. She was pregnant, and there was no changing it.

She hadn’t realized how long she had been daydreaming when he walked back into the kitchen, walking past her and to the fridge to get water. She shook her head and looked away, and that’s when she noticed his overnight bag sitting on the living room floor.

“Where are you going? Aren’t you supposed to go get the kids?”

“No. With what’s happened, I don't think it’s a good idea for them to be here while we’re like this.”

“They’re going to be disappointed not to see you. So, if you aren’t getting the kids, what’s the overnight bag for?”

“I’m going to be seeing the kids. I’m going to go stay there with them until I leave for the con.”

“What? I tell you I’m pregnant, you scream and pick a fight with me, and now you’re going to spend the next two days at your ex-wife’s house? Wow,” she scoffed, his words cutting her to the bone.

“Don’t start. I need some time, and I want to see my kids. I love my kids more than anything, and I don’t want anything to get in the way of spending time with them before I’m gone again.”

“You can be a real asshole, you know that?” she hiccupped on the sob building in her throat.

“How’s that?” he huffed, crossing his arms.

“Nevermind. Just go. Spend the next few days at your ex-wife’s house,” she sniffled.

“Quit throwing that up! You knew she was my ex-wife when we got together, and she’s the mother of my kids, for fuck’s sake!”

“And I’m not?!” she shrieked, losing her patience with him, “Oh, I guess she counts because she’s the mother of the kids you actually want.”

“Y/N…,” he growled.

“You’re right. The conversation is over. Go. I’ll see you in Denver.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Y/N.”

“Jensen, I can still travel for quite a while. I’m fine.”

“I know that. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go because I need some time away.”

“Are you serious right now?” she whimpered, a tear betraying her and sliding down her cheek.

“I am. It will do us both some good to have time to think,” he sighed, walking over and picking up his bag.

“Okay…,” she agreed, dejected, no more fight left in her at the moment, her heart too broken.

“I’ll be back next week,” he said with a glance at her as he began walking to the door and stopped, “Bye, Y/N.”

The sound of the door closing was the proverbial straw. She sank to the floor in sobs. How had they been so loving and affectionate just this morning, but as soon as something big happened, he walked away. She pulled her knees to her chest as she continued to cry, silently deciding what needed to be done, and it hurt. It hurt so damn bad.

Jensen had made it through the con, but barely. His mind wasn’t in it like usual as all he could think about was Y/N at home and pregnant. Jared and the others could tell something was off with him, but he had kept silent, not wanting to talk about it. Once on the plane, though, Jared wasn’t going to give up until he found out what was plaguing his best friend. He knew Jensen well enough that he could tell something significant was bothering him, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.

“I’m going to ask you again what’s wrong, and this time, you’re going to tell me the truth,” Jared said, staring at Jensen until he gave in and decided to tell him.

“Fine, but this stays between us. No one else is to find out.”

“Okay, man. What’s going on?”

“Y/N’s pregnant,” he huffed, flopping back against his seat.

“Congratulations, dude!” Jared excitedly gasped, giving him a hug.

“No, not congratulations. You know I don’t want more kids. This isn’t good news.”

“Are you that dumb?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jensen asked hatefully, a little pissed Jared called him dumb.

“It means, how in the world are you going to sit here and pout like a little girl when the woman you love is going to have your baby?”

“I already have three kids. Unless you don’t remember,” he groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, you do. But not with her. Didn’t you consider what that might mean to her?”

“She said she didn’t want kids either, well, until she found out she was pregnant. Now, she’s changed her mind.”

“And what should that tell you?”

“I don’t know, Dr. Phil. What should it tell me?” he griped, starting to get upset again.

“It should show you that she wants to have a baby with the man she loves, and that’s you, you idjit,” Jared laughed, shaking his head at his friend.

“I know she loves me. But, Jared, man, I’ll be in my sixties when this kid graduates high school! I’m too damn old to be having another kid,” he sighed, wanting to end the conversation.

“Do you not realize that the twins aren’t even five yet? It’s not that much more time than it would have been before all your kids were grown, anyway. So, why make such a big deal about it? Is that why she didn’t come to the con? Because she wasn’t feeling well or something?”

“I guess you’ve got a point, man. I’ll talk to her when we get home. And, uh no, she didn’t come because I told her not to. I, uh, told her I needed time away to think.”

“Wow, how did she take that?”

“I don’t know. I left and went to Dee’s for a few days before I came to Denver,” he whispered, starting to feel ashamed at how he acted once he thought back on it.

“You did what?!” Jared asked, utterly shocked at what he heard, “Dude! Please tell me you didn’t make a big deal out of her being pregnant and then left her by herself for almost a week?”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, my God, you did! I bet she had a lot to say when you called her this weekend,” he chided, still not sure what to think about how his friend had reacted.

“I haven’t talked to her since I left.”

“Jay, buddy, you better get off this plane and go straight home and grovel at her feet. I’d be praying she’s still there if I was you.”

“Damn, man. Thanks for the support,” Jensen grumbled.

“I am supporting you! I’m telling you to go fix all this so you don’t lose the best thing that’s happened to you since Dee.”

“Okay, okay. Thanks, dude. Seriously, thinking back, I was an asshole.”

“Maybe a little bit,” Jared chuckled.

Jensen rushed home as soon as the plane landed. He knew he had a lot of begging to do to get her to forgive him. Jared had made him realize that one more kid wasn’t that big of a deal. Not with his youngest being only five years old. It wasn’t like all his kids were grown and now was starting over with a baby.

Once he parked his car in the garage, he flung open the door, in a hurry to get inside and see her. Even though he hadn’t spoken to her since he left, he missed her terribly. Even when they were fighting about her having a baby, he never doubted the love he had for her. He wished he could take it all back, but all he could do now was ask her forgiveness. He didn’t see her in the living room or kitchen, so he ran for the bedroom, but all he saw when he opened the door was an empty room, a piece of paper on the bed.

Jensen,

I’ve had time to think about all of this, and I’m doing what I need to do for the baby and me. I’ve sat here and tried to think of every possible reason why you would talk to me like you did, but I can’t think of anything other than you don’t want our child, and that’s where the problem lies. I’m having this baby, Jay, but I’ll do it alone. Just like you left me when I needed you the most. I was in a relationship with the love of my life, and I’d never felt so alone as I have the last few days. I’ve never been as heartbroken as I was when you left me here in tears. That’s not what a partner does. They are supposed to be here for you no matter what, but I guess I found your hard line. Your key is on the kitchen island, and you can drop my key off with the apartment manager, as I don’t live there anymore. Please don’t look for where I’m at now. Let me go, and let me move on. I’ll love you until the end of my days, Jay, but I can’t stay and have you look at me like I ruined your life like you did before you walked out. And did you notice that you said goodbye and not that you loved me? Well, I did.  I’m sorry that it had to end like this, but it’s for the best.

Y/N

Jensen was in tears, having read the letter three times. He couldn’t believe that she had left and refused to tell him where she had gone. He had really fucked it all up. Not only had he lost the woman he loved more than anything, she took their unborn child with her just when he had accepted that he would have another baby. Hell, he had actually started to get excited about it, and now, it was all gone. All because he ran instead of staying and dealing with it. Guess Dean Winchester really was a part of him, and now he was alone and devastated. He grabbed his phone, dialing Jared and waiting on him to answer. When he did, Jensen could only say one thing through his tears.

“You were right, man. I fucked up. She’s gone.”

@flamencodiva @foxyjwls007 @waywardbeanie @emoryhemsworth @valsworldofcreativity @hardcoresupernaturalfans @msmarvelouswinchester @lyarr24 @akshi8278 @ellewritesfix05 @winchest09 @defenderrosetyler @hobby27 @whatareyousearchingfordean   @atc74 @superfanficnatural  @supernatural-love14 @vicmc624 @squirrelnotsam @tatted-trina6 @xhannahbananax03 @coffeebooksandfandom   @malfoysqueen54 @deans-baby-momma @lovelyrocker @fablesrose @maralisa124 @wayward-dreamer @aimee-ginge @anathewierdo @donnaintx @screechingartisancashbailiff @itsdesiree86 @kyjey @roxytheimmortal @briagallen @aubageddon91 @lunarmoon8361 @that-one-gay-girl @stoneyggirl @kitkatd7 @writercole @brilovesdeanwinchester @allonsy-yesiwill  @krazykelly @440mxs-wife @rebelemilu @sarahbaker2010 @tyferbebe @metalfangirl @redbarn1995 @thoughts-and-funnies @izzathequeen @heavensangel45135  @entersand-man   @supraveng @percywinchester27 @hintsofhoney @bobbie3939 @waynes-multiverse​   @watermelonlipstick @katelynw931-blog @soaringeag1e​ @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ @treat-winchesterswith-kindness​ @deandreamernp​ @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad​  @pink-sparkly-witch​ @samsgirl93​ @maliburenee​  @thelastpyle​ @nancymcl​ @marvelouslyme96​ ​

[midwestmade29]

It's a Wonderful Life 💙

To Anonymous: Whew, this one's a doozy, but worth the read! Thank you again for your request. I hope you enjoy what I came up with 🥰

Word count: 2,174 Divider by: Me 🙂 Original Anonymous Request: Can I possibly send a Christian x Female!Reader request? Maybe the Reader and Christian end up pregnant and she has to relinquish her title and the request is basically following them through their pregnancy and the after math of a complicated pregnancy and their lives as Parents (as well as juggling parenting Isla as well)

Due to the topics covered in this story, minors do not interact. If you're not 18+ years old, please KEEP SCROLLING.

Some topics and scenarios mentioned in the story may be upsetting/and or triggering for some readers. Read at your own discretion.

Disclaimers: (Complicated) Pregnancy, mention of sex, hospital stays, illness (flu), mention of gestational diabetes, medical testing, (medical) shots, preterm labor, labor pains, bedrest, cesarean section (surgery), postpartum recovery, caring for a newborn.

An OB (obstetrician) is a doctor who cares for the mother and baby throughout pregnancy. They also deliver the baby.

A baby in a breech position means they are upside down. (Feet first instead of head first)

C-section (cesarean section) is a surgical way to deliver a baby.

“Well, what’s it say?” Christian asked nervously. Your eyebrows knit together the longer you stared at the pregnancy test in your hand. “I’m not sure. Do you think we waited the full 10 minutes? There’s not really anything showing right now.” The two of you walked away after you sat the test back down on the bathroom counter, deciding to wait a few more agonizing minutes. Christian sat on the bed while you absentmindedly tossed things in your suitcase for your flight that was leaving early in the morning. You and your shiny AEW Women’s World Championship were set to appear on Dynamite tomorrow, which was something you had been looking forward to, but your headspace was somewhere else now. “What’s going through your mind baby? Talk to me,” Christian asked softly, motioning for you to come and join him on the bed. He wrapped you in his arms, embracing you tightly as your head rested against his chest. “Just worried, I guess. We have a lot on our plates right now with everything. We’re traveling every week, sometimes multiple times a week all while juggling our home and family life. I’ve only been the Women’s World Champion for a couple months. My championship reign will be cut short if I am pregnant,” you sighed as Christian tightened his embrace. “If the test is positive, will you not be happy about it? Concern laced Christian’s every word. “I’m conflicted! Torn between the happiness of expanding our family and sadness for my career. I feel like I was just getting started showing everyone what I’m made of you know?” Your thoughts were a jumbled mess, but Christian did his best to calm them. “I know baby. It’s a lot to take on right now, but we’ll make it work. We’re in this together, every step of the way! As far as your career goes, your fans will miss you, but they will understand if you’re absent for a while. Just think of the epic comeback you’d make. It would be the biggest and most anticipated in company history!”

It was hard to miss the two pink lines that were now visible on the white plastic stick sitting on the counter. Christian’s blue eyes were focused on you while you were processing everything. “Y/N? Are you okay?” he asked. You nodded your head yes, joy replacing all your previous concerns and doubt. Seeing the positive pregnancy test changed everything in an instant! A switch had been flipped as the reality of the situation set in, easing the sting you felt about your career. This baby was so much more important than anything else! You threw your arms around Christian’s neck, and he held you tightly as he spun you around. Images of a little blue-eyed baby danced in your mind and the thought made your heart swell! When Christian sat you on your feet, a certain little girl crossed your mind, prompting you to ask Christian a serious question, “How do you think Isla will take the news? She’s been an only child for almost 10 years now. Do you think she’ll be upset?” “I’m sure she will have her own sentiments about it, but overall, I think she’ll be excited! There’s only one way to find out…”

Telling Isla she was going to be a big sister went extremely well! You had come up with the idea to order a custom puzzle for the 3 of you to put together to tell her the big news. You had taken a picture of a heart she had drawn for you some time ago and uploaded it on the puzzle website, editing her design slightly by putting the words “You’re going to be a big sister!” in the middle of it. Within a few days, the puzzle was delivered and the 3 of you put it together after Isla got home from school. When the last piece of the puzzle was set in place, she let out a loud shriek! She wrapped her arms around your neck squeezing tightly before running over to Christian and jumping in his arms. She started rapid firing questions at each of you, making you and Christian laugh at her excitement. “Is it a boy or a girl? When will its birthday be? Can the baby sleep in my room?” she rambled on. Could she be any cuter?! Telling her was the easy part. Breaking the news to your fans live on Dynamite was a different story.

Standing in front of a live camera and telling the world you had to relinquish your Women’s World Championship was incredibly hard for you. You choked up placing it in Tony Schiavone’s hands as it seemed to mock you with its shimmer and shine when you did. Dynamite cut to a commercial break, relief washing over you now that your announcement was over and done with. You let out a rush of air once Christian closed the door to your dressing room and you walked over to him needing to feel his strong arms wrapped around you. “I think that went well; all things considered. You’re amazing Y/N. You know that, right?” he spoke gently. “Thanks for supporting me, Christian. It means the world to me! Now, our next adventure begins. Baby Cage will be here before we know it!”

Days turned into months in the blink of an eye! Your baby bump was very prominent now, and Christian loved it. He always had his hands on your belly! Whenever he had the chance, he would lay his head on your lap and talk to the baby while planting soft kisses against your skin. Late one night while you and Christian were tucked in bed, he fell asleep with his head next to your stomach. You ran your fingers through his hair while you reminisced about your pregnancy up to this point. You remember how his eyes lit up when the monitor showed the baby at your first ultrasound appointment when you were 20 weeks pregnant. Both of you were mesmerized as you watched the little baby you created together wiggling around on the screen, and how you both got teary eyed when the ultrasound technician told you “It’s a boy!” You’ll never forget how nervous Christian was the first time you met with your OB doctor. He wanted to ask her if the two of you could still have sex despite you being pregnant. You could instantly see the relief he felt when she told him yes! A chill ran through you when your mind wandered back to the time you were admitted into the hospital because you were extremely dehydrated and sick with the flu. It was the longest 3 days of your life! You recalled the next hurdle that came when you failed your gestational diabetes screening at 24 weeks into your pregnancy. The test came back as positive which meant a second more invasive test had to be done. Thankfully your results from the second test showed that you didn’t have it!

The scariest moment of all came late one night when you started having intense pain in your lower half. Christian rushed you to the hospital after you called your doctor, and she told you to come in to be monitored. “You’re in preterm labor,” your doctor explained. She went over the details of everything that was going on calmly, “It’s too early in your pregnancy to deliver now. You’re 33 weeks along and the goal is to be at least 39-40 weeks for a safe and healthy baby. I’m going to administer medicine that will reduce your contractions, ultimately delaying your labor. I would also like to administer 2 steroid shots that will help the baby’s lungs mature faster in case we have to deliver early. I’m very confident that we will be able to halt your labor and keep that little guy safe and sound inside until we’re ready to meet him!” The air in the room didn’t feel quite as heavy after the doctor explained her plan. When she gave you and Christian time alone, it was obvious that he was shaken up. “I’m in good hands baby. I fully trust the doctor and her plan. We’ll get through this together and our baby boy will be okay!” you reassured him while giving his hand a light squeeze. The discomfort you felt from the shots the doctor gave you was ultimately worth it when your labor had successfully been stopped. You were eventually discharged from the hospital with strict orders from your doctor. You were placed on bedrest and could no longer travel with Christian unless it was to a place that was pre-approved by the doctor. No exercising or heavy lifting either. The couch and your bed were your new best friends! Whatever you needed to do to keep the baby secure, you were going to do it.

Ready or not, here he comes! At 38 weeks pregnant, it was time to finally meet your baby boy. You had met the goal your doctor set for you after your preterm labor scare! Your last ultrasound showed a healthy baby, and he was measuring right where he should be. Everything was going well until another curveball was thrown your way. Your doctor had come to check on you when she noticed something was off. “Was the baby breech at her last appointment?” the doctor quietly asked the nurse. They conversed for a few minutes more before the doctor directed her attention back to you. “Okay Y/N, the baby is in the breech position. To safely deliver him, I must do an emergency c-section…” her words started fading away as you got lost in your own thoughts. Emergency? Surgery? Must move as quickly as possible? Christian could tell your thoughts were in a downward spiral the longer you blankly stared past the doctor. He took your hand in his and kissed your knuckles, speaking calmly when your eyes locked onto his. “Y/N, I promise I won’t leave your side! I know this isn’t what we planned on, but you got this! You’re incredible baby. I’m in awe of your strength and courage!”

Never did you think that the sound of crying would be music to your ears, but hearing your son wail after he was born was the best thing ever! You had successfully delivered a healthy 6lb, 4oz precious baby boy! Christian was over the moon holding his son in his arms for the first time. It was a moment that you’ll never forget! As soon as you were taken care of and wheeled into your recovery room, Christian brought Isla in to meet her baby brother. “He’s soooo cute!” she exclaimed. She was smitten with him right from the start! If she could’ve held him all night, she most certainly would’ve. You and the baby were able to go home just 2 days after delivery. Recovering from your surgery was rough on all of you since you were healing, and you still had restrictions and things you just couldn’t do. It frustrated you not being able to do simple tasks and having to rely on everyone else to do things for you! Christian encouraged you to give yourself some grace, especially after everything you went through your entire pregnancy. Deep down you knew you would bounce back; it would just take time. 6 weeks into parenthood you were starting to feel a little better. Your body was healing, and your son was growing and changing by the minute. Just yesterday you and Christian took Isla and the baby to the zoo, it being one of your first outings as a family of 4. Isla had settled in to being a big sister well, but that’s not to say there weren’t pangs of jealousy and rough patches. This was a major adjustment period for all 3 of you, but the love and adoration each of you had for one another remained strong and continued to grow as each day passed!

You quickly learned that parenting was a juggling act! You and Christian dividing your time and attention between two kids, each other, and AEW was extremely difficult. Splitting yourself between 3 people that rely on you was hard. Having to put your career goals on the self (for now) was hard. Making sure Isla was getting the love and attention she needed and deserved was hard. Taking care of a fussy baby in the early hours of the morning with little to no sleep was hard. Finding alone time with Christian was hard. But, at the end of the day when you tuck Isla in bed and she tells you she loves you, and when you watch Christian rocking your baby boy to sleep in his strong arms from the doorway of the nursery, it eases the stress the difficult days bring and makes everything you went through to get to this point worth it. How did you get so lucky? It definitely is a wonderful life 💙

[littlesixxwrites]

"Matching a Malfoy" - Chapter 30 Preview

Catch up with MaM here on AO3. Also available on FFN.

Below is a snippet from the upcoming chapter. Workshopping, and I hope to have it posted in a couple days.

The beeping.

The bloody beeping.

Hermione opened her eyes, a bit easier this time. The garish fluorescent lights remained exhausting. She rolled her head just the slightest bit to the left and saw Oliver was still in the uncomfortable-looking chair, scrolling through his phone. She managed to croak out,

“You remember the last time you saw me in hospital?”

“Yes,” he replied without looking up. “As I recall, it was after your sixth surgery and three physical therapists. I used to work with Premiere League footballers, so I can handle any and all levels of bullshit. I also have the unique quality of not being afraid of you.”

“Wish more people did.”

Oliver looked up and said, “Bullshit.”

Hermione laughed, and her throat burned. It felt as though acid had come up from her stomach, or she’d screamed for a half hour on end. Oliver offered her water, which she sipped eagerly. Then he made for the door, saying over his shoulder,

“Doctor needs to be in.”

He was back twenty seconds later with a decent-looking man in hospital scrubs. The man introduced himself as,

“Dr. Kettleburn, Ms. Granger. I performed the operation on your shoulder, and Mr. Wood, here, has asked to give you the overview of what was done and what his plan is for the rehabilitation of the joint. I am here to provide additional insight if needed.”

“Thank you.” Oliver sighed and said, “Hermione, I won’t lie, this day is going to be shit for you. You’re going to have a lot of shit days.”

Always the sunshine with him.

“You had a couple rather severe tears in your rotator cuff tendons, and things went about as well as they could have.” Oliver was blessedly blunt in his descriptions. “They repaired the new tear in one tendon, and managed to sort of stretch the other tendon enough to screw it back into your shoulder. No true concerns there for me. Because of the damage, it necessitated what’s called a reverse total shoulder replacement. It’s exactly what we’ve talked about the past seven years, except the ball and socket is reversed.”

Hermione squeezed her eyes shut and tried to understand what that must look like. What they must’ve taken out of her to make that happen.

“Oi, Hermione,” Oliver snapped his fingers to get her attention, “if you’re going to have a breakdown, do it after I finish giving you the information.”

She mumbled, “M’kay.”

“They did a fairly new procedure to extend the life of the prosthesis and preserve the bones in your shoulder. I’m quite stoked to learn more about it, but it required the removal of the plate from your clavicle, so that is gone.”

How many incisions had they made? Did she have stitches? Hermione still wasn’t certain she had an arm—

Oliver snapped his fingers again and demanded, “Listen to the information. If this operation was successful, Hermione I think you’ll get about eighty-five percent of the movement back in your arm. Lateral and rotational. This is going to change the quality of your life, and it will change your career for the better, I promise you.”

Hermione smiled. Oliver didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep.

“It’s going to take loads of physical therapy to get there; and I’m not talking about you being in Wiltshire and me visiting weekly. That’s fucking gone, now. You need to be here in London, seeing me every day these first six weeks or so, and we’re going to get your shoulder to where it needs to be. My core concerns are any blood vessel damage that might’ve gone unnoticed because your arm just wasn’t moving for so long, and I am concerned about a dislocation. We’ve got to go easy on it, transition your way into the new range of motion. I am concerned your bones may be weakened, so we will keep an eye out for potential fractures as well. Overall, I am quite confident your arm will be mobile, Hermione.”

“Thank you.” Hermione wondered, “What happened? Why do I feel this weight in my chest? It’s heavy,” she pressed her right hand upward and between her breasts, “here.”

Oliver’s face crumbled. He shook his head and said,

“That’s not for me to tell you. That comes after me.”

“After you?”

“You’ve got a load of people in the waiting room, hoping you’re okay. I have the delightful job of telling them you’re going to be alright.”

“Am I?” asked Hermione. “Going to be alright?”

“When aren’t you?” Oliver stood up from his chair and said, “I’m going to give you a kiss on the cheek because I care for you and I can’t hug you because they’ve just torn your whole fucking arm apart. Do me a favour and don’t make it weird.”

Hermione tilted her head the slightest bit and laughed when she noted Oliver’s cheeks had turned just a bit pink. His lips lingered on her cheek before he whispered,

“You’re not done fighting. No matter what you hear next, remember that. You’re not done.”

[smokingcaterpillar]

King of Hearts ♥️♣️♦️♠️

Idk why I’m nervous to post this lol maybe because this is a more personal UPG experience with me and Loki. This might be a tad lengthy btw.

I know this is something I don't have to share, but lately I've been reflecting on it and realize just how much of a difference Loki has made within this semi-traumatic situation I’ve dealt with most of my life. So I want to share this beautiful thing. Beautiful to me anyway. And through several different methods of divination, he's assured me he's okay with me doing so ♥️

TW: mentions of heart surgery, hospitals, panic attacks

When I was a kid my father had multiple bypass heart surgery and valve replacement, and has been in and out of the hospital ever since for various reasons including heart stuff. To put it simply: over the years, I had developed a strong aversion to heartbeats. For example, if I gave someone a hug or was in someone’s arms with my head resting on their chest, I hated- absolutely hated -hearing their heart. Or even when I put in ear plugs and could hear my own. I had it in my head that I would suddenly hear it stop. A fear that stemmed from being able to hear my father’s artificial valve tick within his chest just by standing next to him, as well as hearing the beeping of hospital machines monitoring his vitals, fearing I would suddenly hear the ticking and beeps no more. I never told anybody this, probably because I thought I might offend someone. Like, “Here let me adjust my position against you, I don’t wanna hear your heart, sorry.” sounded a little harsh to me 😂 so I never said anything. I was probably worrying about that more than I needed to tbh.

Fast forward to the past couple years. Something I didn’t expect to happen at all 🫠

Loki, being clever without even trying, ever so slowly began showing me a new perspective on heartbeats.

Not long after He came into my life, I learned about the tale of Loki eating the heart of Gullveig, and subsequently would notice other devotees associating beautiful artworks of anatomical hearts with him as well. And I simply thought, “Awe, that’s nice.” And nothing more. Lol, since then I’ve joked with him sometimes that he surely is a vampire, which I feel he secretly enjoys 🤭

Then came the tale of how Loki (as Vé) may have contributed in human creation by giving “..color to the human complexion.” Blood. And my perspective shifted more, even softened a bit.

It wasn’t until six months ago that Loki began showing how fond he was of heartbeats (again, UPG of my aspect of him).

There were many different ways in which he showed his love of hearts; the sound, the feeling, its power, its effects, and yes, even its fragility- the part that I feared most. I won’t go into detail about how those walls of fear came down brick by brick, as most of them were in private moments of various forms of affection…but I will say that my eyes now do soften at the mention of hearts. And at the sound of them. Something I never thought would become untainted. Because He was in all of it. I can now see hearts through his eyes. And no longer do they appear to me as a frightening, scheming creature inside of our bodies waiting to carry out our demise. I am so grateful and joyous for that ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I still hear my father’s valve tick when I’m next to him and it’s quiet enough; I'm still prone to panic attacks where my bpm goes to 150 for fifteen minutes to an hour, I'm still prone to PVCs when I lose too much potassium or haven't slept well- all of which are now few and far between -but the feelings of dread and paranoia that plague me for days after something like that happens has finally tapered off. Replaced with fascination and appreciation for this muscle that keeps me alive.

God of Transformations, my King of Hearts, thank you for your patience in allowing me to see a dark part of my mind flash with vibrancy like a gem in the light. It took nearly thirty years, but we're here ✨🫀

Artist profile: rybrig on DeviantArt

[icyhotheartwritings]

Pet death/incoherent grieving ramble

Loki passed away Tuesday night. It doesn’t feel real. I mean, we just celebrated his birthday - our birthday - three days before. He was fine. He tried to buck me off a couple weeks ago. He was sprinting around acting a fool when mom got Waffles out without him not a day before.

He was only 22. We were supposed to have years left. Years. I was expecting at least 28, hoping for 30 or more. I never expected to lose him so soon. He was so healthy, I did everything I could, every supplement he could possibly need, vets and farrier and anything he needed, he got.

We were training for a show next month. I was working out ways to cure him of not wanting to ride alone. We had plans to ride with people. We had a whole show schedule for the summer. I was going to build trail trial obstacles. We were going to conquer the fucking world. And now he’s gone. Just like that.

The worst - and best - part was… there was nothing that could have been done. It wasn’t a case of if we got there an hour or two earlier, gotten to the vet sooner, he would’ve been fine. There was nothing. There was no hope. When we got to the vet they were talking surgery, then said it was too bad for a referral, then she got the bloodwork back and he was gone. Suspected internal melanoma that killed his digestive system, or something similar. Wasn’t a gas colic. Wasn’t something that could be healed.

Some incredible stranger helped my dad bury him next to Dreamer. Dad buried his peppermints with him, every piece he could find in the tack room, like Dreamer had his butterscotches. We’re buying wildflower seeds to scatter over them.

The morning feeder bought some plastic flowers and taped them to his gate with an led candle light. I cried.

I swore that Loki would be my last horse, that I couldn’t go through the pain of losing them again and again like Star and Carrots and Quinn and Dreamer but I was supposed to have more years with him and I don’t think I’m done yet. The barn owner said his stall is mine, that I can take all the time I need to find the right horse and I think I’m giving it a couple months before I begin to look in earnest. Nothing could replace Loki. But he never replaced Carrots. And Carrots never replaced Star. And I know I can love another horse, but I just… I need time. There’s two BLM mustang auctions in about four months. I might go. Waffles is a mustang. He’s a good horse.

These past 6 months have been. Absolute hell. I’ve lost a cat, a dog, and Loki. Almost lost another cat, it’s a fucking miracle we still have him. But Darcy and Loki were not even 4 weeks apart. It’s been a hell of a March.

With Snarky and Darcy, at least, we knew it was coming. We had warning. Snarky had cancer. Darcy was old and sick. They were both old, older than they had any right to be. But Loki was young. And it was so goddamn sudden.

When I’m hurt and grieving, I don’t… show much outward emotion. I’m the rock for everyone else. I hold it down until I’m alone and can let myself cry. For him, I screamed. I fell to my knees and I screamed.

It feels like a piece of my soul has been ripped out of my chest. Torn out, pulled apart, and the pieces set to light. I loved that horse with everything I am. I hope he knew how much I loved him. He was part of me. All my animals are, but he was special. He was my baby, my everything. I thought he was dead during the big fire, the last thing I heard before the cell service went out was that my mom couldn’t get to the barn and my horse was trapped, and all I could think was that I wanted to run down that burning hill and join him. But we got through it, both of us, together. We got through everything together. He’d always be there for me, he’d wrap his big head around me and hug me as I held onto his neck and he’d let me groom him while I prattled on about this and that. And now I have to get through this alone and I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

I don’t know how to end this post. I miss my horse. And I don’t want to go to work at the barn tomorrow and see his empty stall with the breakfast he didn’t finish.

[verfound]

For the WIP Tag Game

I can't decide between Condumb Guy, Dingo's Shirts or Kim's New Hobby sooooo, whichever you want? 😆

🤣🤣🤣

Of course you'd ask about those. 😂 So. Ok. I'm a crafter, right? And I was looking through cross stitch patterns on Etsy, as you do, when I found one that said "I may look fine but deep down I don't remember any of my passwords". And it became this idea of Kim breaking his leg and Ondine begging Marinette to teach him a craft or something because he's driving her crazy (so he makes that for Max's office).

Dingo's Shirts is...so are you familiar with Critical Role? I've been watching some of their old campaigns while doing some of my end of school gifts. And I'll confess: I knew about Critical Role, but I had never actually watched any in depth before? So. Yeah. I was unprepared for Sam Riegel being Dingo personified. 😂 So YouTube has been throwing all these CR highlight reels at me, including one about Sam's shirt reveals? Specifically the ones with Matt's face on them.

And Dingo's Shirts is just...you know. Five Times Dingo put Luka's face on a shirt (and once Luka had a Dingo Shirt). Because Sam and Matt's dynamic is 100% Dingo and Luka in my head. 😂

As for Condumb Guy...

Ok. So it's been a couple of Weeks. I had to have a small surgery last week, and I got a pretty bad infection that made this week kind of unbearable, And I have been trying So Hard to get Condumb Guy wrapped up (...sorry 🤣) & posted, but my productivity has been low because of health. I'm hoping I can have it finished this weekend, but...

Remember Be Prepared? It's playing with the idea that Luka is the go-to guy for condoms, since he always has extra, except it leads to...misunderstandings...

He hadn’t thought…it was Ivan.  For one thing, Ivan and Mylène had been together so long Luka would have thought they’d be well past that stage in their relationship by now.  And even if they weren’t – because he got it, he wasn’t judging, every couple moved at their own speed and that was perfectly fine – but…it was Ivan.  People usually came to Luka because they couldn’t buy condoms themselves.  Their parents were too strict, or they didn’t want to trigger unwanted conversations, or they couldn’t risk being seen buying condoms in public, or they were just embarrassed.

But it was Ivan.

They were friends.

Had been for years.

He would have hoped…well.  He would have thought Ivan would have no problem walking into a store and buying his own, but if for whatever reason he couldn’t he would have hoped Ivan would have trusted him enough – would have been comfortable enough around him – to ask him without an issue.

…which he supposed was exactly what Ivan was doing now, but it was still weird to see his friend so…flustered about things.

“Ivan, man, I am so sorry,” he finally said, shaking his head as he stared numbly at his friend.  Ivan turned back to him, the smitten look on his face replaced by one of confusion, and Luka winced as he glanced back at Mylène.  “I’m…I’m all out.  Marinette…she needed them for…I gave her my last box.  I am so sorry, man.”

“…huh?” Ivan asked, his frown growing.  Luka groaned and slumped forward, burying his face in his hands.  He couldn’t believe this was happening…

“I can pick some more up tomorrow.  I just don’t have any tonight,” he said.  He didn’t want to look up and see the disappointment on Ivan’s face.  He’d been with Mylène so long, and if they’d been planning…he hoped tomorrow would be ok.  That he would have time to run out, get another box or two, and then meet up with Ivan somewhere and –

“I know,” Ivan said, and Luka’s mental spiral ground to a screeching halt.  Huh?  “Marinette got them for us.  She didn’t tell you?”

…for us?

There…there was an us?  With Marinette?  And Ivan?  As in Marinette and Ivan were Us?

…Marinette had said she’d needed them for a friend, but Luka wasn’t stupid.  He knew for a friend was always code for me but I’m a little embarrassed asking.

“I thought she had, man,” Ivan said, shaking his head.  Luka felt like a waterfall was roaring in his ears.  Had…had she?  He would remember if Marinette had said who her new guy was, right?  He would definitely remember if she’d said it was…Ivan?

…oh, God.  He was going to be sick.

“I’m so sorry.  I just wanted to thank you, but –” Ivan was saying, but Luka was barely hearing him by this point.

Thank him?  Thank him?  For what?  For giving Marinette the condoms they needed to…to…to be an Us?  And what about his other Us, who was currently standing not five meters away waiting on him to go get milkshakes…?

…but milkshakes melt.  People change.  And you dumped me.  On my birthday…

“How can you…but…how can you just go off and get milkshakes with…what about Marinette?” Luka asked, trying his best to keep his voice steady as he looked past Ivan to the girls.  To Mylène, who was giggling and blushing and sneaking little glances at Ivan like she had no idea Ivan was an Us with someone else – with his someone else, damn it, and…!

“…what about Marinette?” Ivan asked, his face scrunching in confusion as he scratched at his neck.  Like Marinette didn’t actually matter, like he could care less that he’d fucked the most amazing girl on the planet and…

He didn’t even remember standing up.

He certainly didn’t remember Ivan falling down.

…he hadn’t even realized he could make Ivan fall down.

But there his friend was, staring up at him from the deck as he clutched his bloody nose and the girls ran over, screaming, and why were Jules and Rose trying to hold him back?  Didn’t they realize that Ivan had fucked –

“Luka, what the hell?!”

[myclpjourney]

well, here we go again.....

so, i had my jaw surgery in january 2019 (4 ½ years ago). even though it's what i made it for i didn't really update this blog much during my recovery because i was too miserable lol. but, my results were great for the first couple years! i looked and felt the best i've ever been!

however, i'm back because of a problem i didn't know i had at the time of my jaw surgery: a few months ago, i got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.

my jaws shifted minimally a few years after my surgery, but it was nothing i felt worried about. a bit insecure, yes, but i got past it. however, the big change was in march of this year. my jaws shifted majorly over a week or so's time. i was super distraught and embarrassed to call my surgeon and complain about a problem so many years later, but i knew i couldn't keep going with a big gap in one side of my smile and new difficulties eating. i saw my surgeon and he ordered the blood test for RA because it was the only logical cause for my case.

now, it's august and i finally got called back to talk about solutions. very upsetting news: i have to have a surgery again, and it's just as major if not worse than my previous surgery.

my condiles are resorbing, and the solution is to replace the joint, similar to a hip or knee replacement. i'll get x-rays done and they'll be sent off to a company which will custom build me a prosthetic. that'll take about four months, then i'll get braces again, then surgery will probably be in january (weird coincidence, my jaw surgery was january 9th). things have to get started quickly, because the longer we go the worse the issue gets and i may have to get a worse surgery if it gets too bad.

i'll have an incision made on my neck and inside my ear to get the prosthetic in. i'll also have to have some fat removed from my stomach to pad around the prosthetic, which will be removed through an incision in my belly button.

so, it's a really big deal. i thought i was done with all of this and would never have to think of it again. i'm obviously really upset, but it has to be done. i've just gotta take it one day at a time from here.

so, looks like i'll be using this blog again in the future. wish me luck guys.

[eyetwitch]

Pickle’s Phone Number

My adoptive mother, as I have detailed in other little essays, is slowly flaking apart with senile dementia. Every day I talk to her and another few pieces of her memory and cognitive abilities gently disappear, honing her down to a person who remembers everything up to age 10 vividly and very little after that. What she’s losing in long-term memories is being replaced with weird little confabulations that stick, once they appear.

For instance, she just had gallbladder surgery. We went through months of her walking around with a drain sticking out of her side and a bag collecting bile that had to be pinned to her shirt. We met with surgeons, I researched alternative therapies for treatment, it was a whole production. We set the surgery date in advance a couple months ago, and I took her in last week to get it. She packed four bags for her overnight stay (I winnowed it down to a change of clothes). And yet if you ask her today about the surgery, she will say “They took my gallbladder out and didn’t even tell me they were going to do it!” I said, “Why do you think you were in the hospital, Mom?” “For my gallbladder.” “And do you remember meeting with the surgeon the morning they took it out?” “Yes but she didn’t even SAY she was going to do that! They could at least TELL you before they do something like that.” (The surgeon did tell her, multiple times. I was there.)

Anyway last night her old friend Carol called me to say that my mom seemed to have written her phone number down wrong and was calling all their other mutual friends to get it, over and over. I have programmed Carol’s number into my mom’s iPad and her phone, but she pulls out a tattered address book and uses Carol’s number from 20 years ago. I dutifully wrote down the correct number and called my mom to have her cross out every wrong number in the address book and put the new one in instead.

“I HAVE that number,” my mom said. I asked her to read it to me, and she did have it. “Well, please call that number instead, then,” I said. “I do but that’s the dog’s phone,” my mom said.

“..What” I said.

“It’s PICKLE’s phone number. It’s Carol’s DOG’s phone number,” she said. “He’s a POMERANIAN. Named PICKLES,” she added, helpfully filling in all the gaps in my knowledge.

I paused, considering what to say next. “….Mom, why do you think the dog has a phone,” I said. “Well I sure don’t know, it’s CAROL’S dog, ask her,” she said.

“No, I mean, do you really think that the dog has a cell phone,” I said. “Yes, that’s PICKLE’S phone number and Carol never calls me back from it,” she said.

“No but. But. Mom, why would a dog need a phone,” I said.

“Well, she takes him EVERYWHERE so he has a phone,” she said, with exasperation.

“I…do you…has Pickles ever called you,” I said. “No he’s a DOG.” “But he has a phone, you said.” “Yes, IT’S. PICKLE’S. PHONE,” she said, fed up.

“Well. Please call Pickles and ask to speak to Carol,” I said, feeling faint. “FINE. I don’t know why I always have to call the DOG but I’ll do it,” she said. ‘Ok. Say… I don’t know. Say hi to Pickles, I guess,” I said, and hung up.

[unclevladscorner]

De-transitioning and Re-transitioning

As I get closer to my top surgery date, I've been reflecting on my personal journey up to this point. Finding myself again, learning to embrace my transgender-ness, getting acquainted with my own gender identity. It wasn't a straight line for me. There have been a lot of twists and turns, gaps in care, big learning moments, and a lot of days just spent doing the best I could.

But here I am, almost 9 years into an in depth journey of self discovery that's seen me do a lot of growing as a person, return to things I love deeply that depression robbed me of, and seen me transformed into a more well adjusted and more complete male presenting adult than my previous 30 years of life trying to fit into a gender identity that didn't work for me.

There was a period where I was filled with so much self doubt and overrun with personal pain I almost quit my transition. My father was dying and HB2- North Carolina's anti-trans bathroom bill- had just passed. This was a little over two years into my transition and a little over a year after starting hormones.

I'll be talking candidly about suicidal thoughts, medical injections, anti trans laws, depression, anxiety and parental death. The rest will be under the 'read more' for these reasons.

Seven years ago, my father was taken to the hospital for severe pneumonia and was diagnosed with cancer at the same time. He died 3 weeks later. He was admitted to a hospital that has expressly stated they would be enforcing North Carolina's bathroom bill- Basically it was illegal to use the restroom if it didn't match the gender on your birth certificate.

More on HB2 here-

I had gone a full year up until this point without speaking to my father or stepmother, due to transphobic remarks and high resistance to my preferred name and pronouns. I was 31 years old- plenty old enough to make these decisions for myself. All I wanted was to have a better relationship with my parents along with a better relationship with myself. I'd hoped my self improvement would improve my familial relationships, too.

Several weeks after breaking my silence and stopping to visit my father at his shop, I found myself in a place where I did not feel comfortable using the restroom or even being in the building for long hours while watching my father die slowly.

The added stress made me unable to continue my hormone replacement therapy. I'd started testosterone more than a year before, but intramuscular injections had become so stressful for me I had to stop. The difficulty of injecting myself with such a long needle, with an injection site hard to reach by myself, coupled with my own fear of said needle, had made it an emotional labor I couldn't pay for anymore.

My father dying simply compounded the issue. I felt lost at his passing. In spite of all his flaws and being only the world's okay-ist dad, he was one of the few constants in my life. Losing him made me feel like I'd lost the little bit of support in the world I had, and I felt listless and alone for a long time after.

I lost my insurance due to a job change in this time frame, too. I let my self care slip, and I used it as an excuse to not go back to the doctor to discuss other hrt options. At first I wondered if I'd made the right decision in the first place. Was hrt doing anything? It was; and I knew testosterone was the only reason I made it through my father's passing. Depression, my fear of needles, and my poor financial state wouldn't let me entertain going back on it.

It was also very apparent to me how much I NEEDED to transition, once I backpedaled and started letting people use my old name and pronouns. Dysphoria jumped back up and the world seemed unbearable. Depression dogged me, my relationship with myself began to come apart.

I could feel myself getting lost in my own sadness again. I began to hate myself again, and I began to plan to commit suicide. While changing my name and pronouns helped a lot, I hadn't had a suicidal thought the whole year I was consistently on testosterone. While not something everyone wants or needs- it was obvious in the space of just a few months that hormone replacement therapy was necessary for me to successfully transition.

In a strange turn of events- a trip to Disney World got me back on track. I talked to my partner about how I was feeling, and we agreed we'd use the trip to help me practice using the men's room and rebuild my relationship with myself and my gender identity. The park had issued a statement saying guests were free to use the bathrooms they felt most comfortable in, and encouraged those unsure to use their family (now gender neutral) single stall facilities.

The friend who booked the trip had made sure to put my preferred name on everything, and everyone on the trip was great about my name and pronouns. Having the support of people who didn't know me very well- but wanted to be good friends and allies anyway- really helped me realign myself over the course of the trip.

After that trip; and a horrible final Thanksgiving with my transphobic stepmother, I became determined to get my transition back on track. That following January I got new insurance, and I went back to my doctor to discuss alternative dosing methods for testosterone.

Its been almost 6 years since then. Changing injection methods helped a lot. SubQ uses an almost comically small needle in comparison to intramuscular injections. My irrational fear could not compete with the very un-scary needle, and I can confidently take my medication on time and on a consistent schedule.

Over the course of that year, I learned that I had to take care of myself it I wanted to be a good partner and friend. Changing my gender identity- shifting it to a place that made me euphoric and happy- improved my life in ways that nothing else had. Testosterone helped me me feel whole, and has made me feel like a complete person.

People choose to detransition for a lot of reasons- lack of support for there transition and intense pressure to discontinue are only a few. These were some of the pressures put on me- coupled with laws that scared me and parental death- and it made me lose faith in the path I was on.

Some people don't return to transitioning, but I think there are more people like me than we hear about. People who transition in fits and starts. Have to stop and return later. I just wanted to take some time to talk about it, just in case anyone out there is struggling and wondering what they should do, and what the possibilities were.

[jodilin65]

I can barely see the screen as I write about my good, but surprising appointment with the glaucoma doctor. The dilation drops from my eye exam haven’t worn off yet, and everything is so bright. I could wear the shades they gave me to slip inside my regular glasses to darken things, but then it’s even harder to see.

I like to go in order of events, so I’ll start by mentioning that I had a dream I’d wake up too early, and sure enough, I did. Luckily, I fell back asleep, but an hour later, my stuffy nose woke me up. What’s the point of nasal spray if it doesn’t work? I almost never breathe through my mouth while sleeping, but I woke up unable to breathe because my nose was so stuffed. I’d forgotten my dilator, so I put it in, which usually helps, but I was still having trouble breathing.

I got up, took half a Benadryl, and thought the interrupted sleep would leave me exhausted today. But surprisingly, I’m not feeling too bad. Cutting out sugar has really improved my energy levels in ways I never imagined so I’m never going back to it!

When I finally got up for good, I saw that assassination attempt number two of Trump happened here in Florida yesterday. They really need to stop missing! Third time’s the charm… Hopefully. Although Tom just said that the crazy guy didn’t actually shoot Trump. Whatever. I could say that it would be wonderful if Trump dropped dead and it’s true, but he would only be replaced with the same evil shit. A Republican is a Republican, and the requirements to be a Republican means you have to hate gays and women, deny climate change, and a host of other bullshit.

Kamala is definitely the lesser evil, but I’m really sick of hearing about all the immigrants and illegals she’s going to allow the luxury of taking up housing, jobs, and burdening the healthcare system at the first chance she gets.

In the past, if you asked me if I was a Republican or Democrat, I would have automatically said Democrat. But now, I hate them both and consider myself Independent. Republicans are worse with how hateful and controlling they are, but all the Democrats want to do is bring millions of people into the country and give our money away.

All morning long, I was so hungry. It took eating about 1,000 calories (not all at once) to finally get rid of it. Tom thinks my body is adjusting to lower glucose levels. I hope he’s right and nothing sinister is going on.

A few days ago, I was freezing and feeling hypo, but now I’m warming up, thanks to the daily vitamins. I might need to back off for a couple of days, so it’s likely connected to my thyroid, as I always suspected.

At the appointment, the nurse took me to a room and put dilating drops in my eyes, which I hate because they sting. Then, she led me to another room for the "glamor shots." This was the worst part of the exam—the drops stung, and the lights during the pictures were so bright.

Afterward, I went to yet another room to wait a little too long for the doctor. I could hear him talking in the next room to a patient he had just gone to see while the nurse finished up my photos. When he finally came in, he told me my pictures looked good, then he put numbing drops in my eyes and measured my eye pressure, which was also good.

Then, I learned two surprising facts. First, I asked what my chances were of actually developing glaucoma, and he said 30%—a one-in-three chance. That’s higher than my chances of having a heart attack or stroke due to my high cholesterol!

Next, I asked about cataracts, and he told me I have a small one. When I asked when I might need surgery, I expected him to say at least 20 years from now. But he said maybe when I’m around 61 or 62! Tom and I were both surprised because he’s older than that and has cataracts that have been forming for a while now.

It turns out my right eye is the problem. With glasses, my left eye is 20/20, but my right eye is 20/30. I didn’t realize that just one eye could throw off my overall vision so much. While waiting for the doctor, I looked at one of his awards on the wall with just my left eye and saw it clearly. But when I looked with my right eye, it was very blurry. I’m having the same effect with this screen with the different eyes.

He wants to see me every six months. I’ll also need a new optometrist since they only do eye exams as part of medical visits if you have special eye insurance.

After the appointment, Tom and this hyperopia glaucoma suspect went to Burger King. He got a chicken sandwich, and I got a fish sandwich to take home. But the idiots labeled them wrong, and without thinking, I bit into his chicken sandwich. I didn’t even think to check if he had the fish sandwich! I just assumed they had messed up and given us both chicken sandwiches. So between their stupidity and my own, Burger King was a bust. At least the fries were good, though.

[doctorrupalichadha]

Choosing the Best Gynecologist Doctor in Delhi — Dr. Rupali Chadha for Expert Care

When it comes to women’s health, locating the Best Gynecologist Doctor in Delhi might be difficult. With so many experts in the area, it is critical to choose a physician who combines extensive knowledge with a kind demeanor. Dr. Rupali Chadha is a well-known and committed gynecologist in South Delhi. Whether you need periodic check-ups or specialty treatments, Dr. Rupali Chadha’s knowledge guarantees you’re in good hands.

Choosing the Right Gynecologist Doctor in Delhi

A gynecologist plays an important part in a woman’s overall health. A trained gynecologist can give significant insight, counsel, and medical treatment to women as they go through adolescence, menopause, and beyond. Whether it’s for a basic exam, pregnancy care, or dealing with complicated reproductive disorders, every woman should prioritize finding the Best Gynecologist Doctor in Delhi.

Dr. Rupali Chadha not only has years of experience, but she also creates a warm and supportive environment for her patients. Dr. Rupali Chadha is one of the most trusted gynecologists in Delhi because he strikes the right mix between professional skill and personal caring.

Comprehensive Women’s Health Services

Dr. Rupali Chadha provides comprehensive services for women’s health. Her commitment to patient care guarantees that each patient receives individual attention and competent advice throughout their medical journey. Some of the specialized services are:

1. Routine Gynecological Examinations

Routine checkups are essential for preserving a woman’s health. Regular Pap screenings, pelvic examinations, and breast exams can discover problems early and provide rapid treatment. Dr. Rupali Chadha focuses on preventative treatment and urges her patients to schedule annual gynecological checkups.

2. Pregnancy and Prenatal Care

Pregnancy is one of the most essential stages of a woman’s life. Dr. Rupali Chadha offers comprehensive prenatal care, ensuring a healthy pregnancy and delivery. From pre-conception counseling to postnatal care, she ensures that her patients receive the finest possible treatment at all stages of pregnancy. As one of Best Gynecologist Doctor in Delhi, her empathetic approach ensures that patients feel supported throughout their journey.

3. Fertility Treatments

Infertility may be an extremely emotional and physically demanding experience. With advances in fertility therapies, there is now hope for couples who are having difficulty conceiving. Dr. Rupali Chadha specializes in offering cutting-edge fertility treatments and technology, such as IVF, IUI, and ovulation induction. Her comprehensive approach guarantees that each couple receives treatment that is suited to their specific requirements.

4. Menopause Management

Many women find menopause to be an emotionally and physically challenging time. Dr. Rupali Chadha assists her patients in navigating the obstacles of menopause, which include hormone abnormalities and emotional well-being. Her experience in hormone replacement treatment and natural alternatives has made her one of Delhi’s most sought-after gynecologists for menopause management.

5. Treatment for Gynecological Conditions

Dr. Rupali Chadha provides skilled diagnosis and treatment for a variety of gynecological problems, including polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), endometriosis, fibroids, and urine incontinence. She ensures that her patients are well-informed about their ailment and the treatment choices accessible to them, developing a treatment plan that is tailored to their specific needs.

The Importance of Expertise in Gynecological Surgeries

Surgery may be required to treat particular gynecological disorders. Whether it’s a less invasive laparoscopic operation or a more extensive surgery, selecting the Best Gynecologist Doctor in Delhi is critical to a positive outcome. Dr. Rupali Chadha’s experience in gynecological surgery is well-known, and she has a track record of successful procedures. Her sympathetic bedside approach, along with her technical expertise, ensures that her patients feel comfortable and cared for during the procedure.

1. Laparoscopic Surgeries

Laparoscopic operations are minimally invasive procedures used to detect and treat a variety of gynecological conditions, including cysts, fibroids, and endometriosis. These techniques feature shorter recovery times, less discomfort, and less scarring than typical operations. Dr. Rupali Chadha is a prominent specialist in laparoscopic surgery, which allows patients to recover faster and with fewer problems.

2. Hysterectomy

Some women may need a hysterectomy to manage uterine fibroids, excessive bleeding, or certain malignancies. Dr. Rupali Chadha provides both standard and laparoscopic hysterectomy alternatives and ensures that her patients are well-educated about the treatment, dangers, and recovery process.

3. Myomectomy

Myomectomy is a procedure that allows women with fibroids to have them removed while keeping their uterus intact. Dr. Rupali Chadha has vast expertise conducting this operation, which allows patients to get relief from their problems while keeping their reproductive possibilities.

Patient-Centered Care

Dr. Rupali Chadha believes in developing long-term connections with her patients. Her approach to care is patient-centered, with a focus on each person’s personal requirements. She is noted for her open and clear communication style, which ensures that her patients are educated and comfortable with their treatment regimens. Her South Delhi clinic is outfitted with cutting-edge technology and amenities, resulting in a pleasant and cutting-edge atmosphere. Whether you’re coming in for a normal check-up or undergoing surgery, Dr. Rupali Chadha’s office provides a relaxing environment in which patients may feel comfortable.

Why Dr. Rupali Chadha is the Best Choice

Choosing the Best Gynecologist Doctor in Delhi is a profoundly personal decision, and Dr. Rupali Chadha is a popular option among many women. Her comprehensive expertise, years of experience, and commitment to patient care have earned her a valued reputation in the medical world. Whether you need basic gynecological care, pregnancy assistance, or specialty treatments, Dr. Rupali Chadha’s compassionate and experienced care will help you every step of the journey.

Conclusion

Finding the Best Gynecologist in Delhi for PCOS is locating a healthcare professional that combines medical skill with a personal touch. Dr. Rupali Chadha epitomizes this balance, making her the best option for ladies looking for high-quality gynecological care in Delhi. Dr. Rupali Chadha ensures that each patient receives the best possible care by emphasizing holistic care, patient education, and cutting-edge therapies. Also know about PCOS Doctor in Delhi.

[an88kilo]

What more do I need to do? My friend and partner Sean has been re-diagnosed with cancer, as some on here know. The cancer is Medulloblastoma a pediatric cancer located in his Cerebellum. He has already had it removed over a year ago and went through Proton Therapy and then Intravenous Chemotherapy. Almost exactly since his first diagnosis we were told it was back.

He is now undergoing 3 different methods of Chemotherapy attack. Oral, Intrathecal and Intravenous. Surgery is not an option due to the size of new growths and how they are located in cerebellum again.

With the return came the realization that he may not survive. With a survival rate of 5% for Reoccurrence Medulloblastoma in adults, this has been very hard for us to stomach. You see Sean will be turning 32 September 19th.

This is prognosis is not deterred him from fighting this beast. But it has given us pause.

Quality versus Quantity is a very important factor. With that Sean and myself have discussed a bucket list persay.

The list has not grown yet but it is in out minds. That being said. To do this and to maintain basic living standards requires money. That is the one thing neither of us have anymore. After a year of fighting this beast, at the University of Miami we are to put it bluntly poor. All savings are gone. We go week to week paying for fuel and living expenses and medical expenses not covered, copays etc.

I am asking for help 100% no easy way to say other than to put it all out. As bills grow and having to replace our old car to get a more reliable vehicle for transportation, and looking forward even over the next couple years if we are lucky enough to have that time together. It will take money to help Sean fulfill his list.

Therefore I am asking for people here to generously donate to his campaign to fight this beast and if things go bad to help Sean complete a few items on list.

I am pleading for help. If need be begging for help.

Find it in your heart to help Sean. 50,100 dollars or more would be appreciated. Even 10 or 20 also, encourage family and friends and associates and colleagues.

To help Sean in his fight click

https://gofund.me/73cc5450

[drsanjayrawat]

Indore's Premier Knee Replacement Expert: Dr. Sanjay Rawat

In the realm of orthopedic surgery, finding a skilled and experienced practitioner is paramount, especially when it comes to procedures like knee replacement surgery. In the bustling city of Indore, amidst the vast array of healthcare professionals, Dr. Sanjay Rawat stands out as a beacon of excellence in orthopedic care, particularly renowned for his expertise as a knee replacement surgeon.

Orthopedic Surgeon in Indore: Dr. Sanjay Rawat is a distinguished orthopedic surgeon in Indore, with years of experience and a sterling reputation in the field. His expertise encompasses a wide range of orthopedic conditions, from common fractures to complex joint disorders.

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In conclusion, Dr. Sanjay Rawat's contributions to the field of orthopedic surgery, particularly in knee replacement, have transformed countless lives in Indore and beyond. His dedication to excellence, coupled with his compassionate approach to patient care, cements his legacy as a true pioneer in the realm of orthopedics.