#he has his own stuff and I would bet prefers smoking to drinking

[midwestgender]

if ur writing an ATLA College AU and aang doesnt smoke weed what even is the point

[popironrye]

The Lost Boys

Leisure Headcanons

💋 David 💋

Is a skilled fire arm shooter. (Loves the cowboy aesthetic)

Has his own gun hidden in the cave.

Doesn't get the chance too often, but will ride a horse when the chance arises.

Likes wood carving. Mostly non specific whittling into basic shapes or animals. It helps him relax.

Movie nut! When the boys go the Max's store to fool around, David makes sure to tuck a movie or two that catches his eye in his coat. Tends to watch them alone, all the questions from Paul would just grate on his nerves too much.

I imagine David would be like REALLY good at origami for no particular reason. He doesn't even try, just once the boys do it just because and he's just the best at it.

I don't know if vampires can emerge in water in the lost boys lore, but if they can David loves to swim. Chilling in water clears his mind.

💀 Dwayne 💀

Skater boi! Does a lot of sick tricks, but when you can levitate it's less impressive. XD

Doesn't care for guns, but likes archery. Hammers his own arrow heads. Dwayne and David like to pick a spot in the woods to shoot make shift targets.

A real book worm. Will spend a lot of time just silently reading for hours.

Takes up knitting from time to time. He prefers hand knitted blankets and throws rather then the store ones.

Likes to make jewelry. Made his own necklace.

Enjoys all types of puzzles. Cross word, jigsaw, and brain teasers.

Can sew and offers to sew up holes made in all the clothes the boys decide not to get new ones.

🌿 Paul 🌿

Can play the guitar.

Also likes to sing, and is pretty good at it. Wanted to start a band, but the other boys weren't up for it.

Has the biggest music collection and is always hogging the tabletop/cassette/cd player.

Amateur photography. Just likes to take photos randomly. Some are really artsy.

Got really into tie dye for a while. Although he might have just been high.

When he wants to relax, Paul really likes to stargaze. Laying outside the cave looking at the sky and hearing the waves of the ocean just makes him feel at peace.

When David isn't using the tv monitor, Paul enjoys quite a few video games. He also likes to take on the arcade and carnival games at the boardwalk.

🪶 Marko 🪶

Aside from pigeons, Marko will try to domesticate a number of animals to the cave, including stray dogs, cats, deer, badgers, squirrel, foxes, bats, and even a black bear once.

He in fact did NOT domesticate a black bear, but he did wrestle one.

He does his own patchwork on his jacket.

Like David, he likes to sculpt into wood, but he usually carves patterns and landscapes into more grand pieces.

He's also a skilled painter. Mostly he'll paint murals on sections of the cave David says is ok for him to paint on.

He collects sea shells on the beach.

He'll style the others hair. Especially David who he'll cut and dye in the way he likes best.

🔥Pack Activities🔥

Dart throwing. The bigger the target the better. David and Dwyane are very competitive at this one specifically.

Rollerblading. Put wheels on shoes, what more can you want?

Listening to music. The boys have very wide music tastes and sometimes they cross over and they all like the same stuff. They take turns around the player of their choice to just smoke, drink, and listen to the sounds of the music plays.

Card games. Specifically poker when they're all together. They make things more interesting when they make bets.

And of course motocycle cruising and board walk loitering.

Something that always strikes me with vampires in fiction and indeed with any immortal creature with the high and emotional intelligence of humans. IMMORTALITY IS FUCKING BORING!

I mean, think about it. Imagine you're given all the free time in the world with very little responsibility with no fear of getting sick or tired allowed to do pretty much whatever you want. What would you do? Cause I would go stir crazy. So I came up with these dumb little head canons on how I image the boys specifically would pass the time in their little vampire lives that doesn't revolve around murdering and feeding off of people.

Of course cruising on their bikes come to mind. And there's a couple in the movie we get to see like Dwayne's skateboarding and Marko's fondness for pigeons but I wanted to throw more possibilities out there. :3

[atsvmi-x]

my personal characterization of eren bc i’ve been thinking about him a lot🥰 this is all modern!au bc canon literally never happened.

these aren’t x reader headcanons but i have more than enough thoughts about eren in a relationship to provide those soon!

General

Loud, brash, and loyal to a fault - you either love him or hate him (or if you’re Jean, you both love and hate him)

Those that he allows into his inner circle are friends for life. He’s easy to piss off but he’s quick to forgive when it comes to friends and family. If that doesn’t apply to you, or you cross those closest to him, he’ll hold a grudge long after the issue is resolved. You’re on his shit list for life.

He wears his heart on his sleeve. It’s literally impossible for him to conceal his emotions. If he’s angry, sad, annoyed, happy, literally anything his feeling you will be sure to know.

The same goes for his opinions. Blunt beyond belief. If he thinks something is stupid he won’t hesitate to say so. He’ll backtrack to soften his delivery if he notices that it offends other parties though.

All of these factors can lead to awkward moments. 99% of the time he’s confident enough in his stance to ignore how others might receive him but the other 1% of the time you might catch the rare sight of his cheeks heating up.

Contrary to popular belief, Eren is actually smart. Not to the same caliber of Armin, Erwin or Hange when it comes to critical thinking and analysis, but it is still above average. That being said, he doesn’t necessarily apply himself to subjects that don’t immediately interest him. However, he has impeccable game sense, making him quite the accomplished athlete.

Anger issues. Clearly. It made him a difficult child... for most of his life (and probably the reason he’s an only child) but as he’s gotten older he’s learned to manage his temper. It’s still easy to rile him up though, and it’ll be a cold day in hell before he backs down from a challenge. But for the most part his attitude is a running joke between those he’s closest with.

He has a strong moral compass and sense of justice. Not in the sense that he’s conservative, far from it. His personal ideology is: as long as it’s not hurting anyone people should do what they want. and anyone that messes with that is wrong. He’s a simple guy

Bad at flirting. He can be super oblivious and when he does catch on, he’s not smooth at all. But he’s tall and pretty so it comes off as endearing 99% of the time. It’s his boy-ish charms that save him every time.

Childhood

Cute as a button as a baby. Poor Carla and Grisha were blindsided when he hit his terrible twos.

Had no friends besides Armin until middle school when his parents adopted Mikasa.

Before Mikasa, he and Armin were the black sheep of the neighborhood kids. Eren easily alienated himself from the neighborhood kids and his schoolmates due to his brash nature. Looking back on it, he still stands with his decision since it meant he found his first friend.

(Armin didn’t fit in for his old soul thanks to being raised by his grandparents)

Super curious and didn’t realize how small he was in such a big world. On several occasions he wandered off because of his curious nature. Would have been a leash kid if leash kids were a thing when he was growing up.

Could technically be considered a school bully for talking down to kids on the playground. HOWEVER, he was smaller than other kids for a while, meaning his haughty attitude resulted in petty school yard fights that he lost most of the time. Still, he never cried and never learned his lesson.

Since we was never against a fight, he made it his mission to take up for Armin. When Mikasa joined his family he did the same for her when their peers made comments about her different looks. As we know, those roles soon reversed with Mikasa taking on a protector roll

To try and find a suitable outlet for his excess...energy...Carla and Grisha signed him up for every sport under the sun. Was pretty good too but excelled at football and track and field.

Teen

Was on a first name basis with administration during his school years for getting too invested in classroom debates. His fired up nature easily boiled over outside the classroom resulting in several fist fights

Got suspended once for said fights, but more often than not Mikasa saved him before he could get into more trouble.

So angsty. Literally a textbook case of teen angst from the loud music, dark clothes, to butting his heads with his parents he was truly a nightmare. (He recognizes this and is forever apologetic to his parents for being so difficult during this time)

Started to grow out of his rebellious phase by his junior year. There was no real explanation for it he just...did. That’s not to say that he was any less combative, he just knew what battles to pick. Good job Eren.

By the time he graduates he’s such a mama’s boy. He’s always loved him mom but now his eyes have been opened to how much of a handful he was growing up. He’s embarrassed anytime she brings up old stories but he knows it’s all in good fun.

He’s also had a major growth spurt by the time he graduates and his years of playing sports have definitely paid off. He’s a total heartthrob by his senior year and unintentionally a heartbreaker. Again, it’s hard to break into his circle, nothing personal.

Young Adult (College/Post Grad)

Commits to playing football exclusively. Not out of hopes of going pro but he just really likes the sport. He’s well known around campus between sports and his personality.

Still, he can be found with any one member of his crew at any given time. It’s rare to find him by himself unless he’s in his dorm room. He’s a total extrovert and gets bored easily when left to his own devices.

BUT he’s not a total party animal. Definitely prefers kickbacks to partying. But he will show his face if someone personally asks him to come.

Smokes and drinks the normal amount. Knows his limits and isn’t a lightweight for either. But under the right conditions (i.e. drinking games, bets, etc.) he’ll over indulge. Far too touchy when he’s under the influence.

Struggled to find his “calling” in school. Most of his friends fell into majors that they clicked with but it wasn’t that easy for him. He probably ends up with a fifth year under his belt. since he didn’t officially declare a major until maybe junior year.

Graduates with a political science degree! 1) He fooled his parents into thinking he’d go to law school which satisfied his doctor dad. 2) While he doesn’t exactly know how, he wants to improve daily life for the less fortunate and he thought this was a good step to do that. 3) He loved being able to argue for a grade during in-class debates

I know we all love streamer!Eren but I really do think he’d end up going down a creative/independent route where he’s not tied to a desk 9-to-5. It really stressed him out to think about doing thing for 50 years and then being able to enjoy life after retirement.

Other

Like previously mentioned, his music tastes were pretty narrow. But as his social circle grew and he was exposed to new genres his musical pallet has expanded. His go to genres are still heavy, but he’s not against asking what song just played if he liked it (unless you’re Jean, he’ll never give him the satisfaction).

I feel like his celebrity crush is Doja Cat. I have no evidence I just feel like he’d be into her.

Baby can NOT dance. if he tries hard he can bust a two step but usually he doesn’t usually put forth the effort though. It just gets worse if he drinks.

Very much a night owl but surprisingly, he doesn’t like to sleep in either. Feels like there’s too much stuff to do in a day to just waste it in bed. He contradicts himself though bc he can spend all morning in bed playing around on his phone (he’s addicted)

[couldyouspeakmyname]

Hi! 💕 I hope I'm submitting this correctly but I'm assuming you write for the Shishigumi lions? If so, I'd like to request some sfw and nsfw headcanons for them dating a female herbivore and it's totally up to you which members you would like to write for (although Free and Agata are my favourites!)

You know I love the Shishigumi, a lot. So I went overboard. I offer my apologies.

I will say, since I usually put NSFW under cut, but due to length I put it all under cut, I do have a big warning for it as to not surprise y’all

There’s a lot I could write for them, but to keep it reasonable I kept it kinda short! Feel free to request more if you’d like!

I’m also not great at nsfw so I tried my best I hope you like it anyway

SFW

Ibuki (I love him and will never NOT include him in an ask about the Shishigumi)

Ibuki is probably the best one at dating an herbivore. He’s very gentle and conscientious of you as an animal and your limitations 

That being said, he’s top tier respectful. He knows you may not be as physically strong as her is, but that doesn’t mean you’re not strong in your own way. He also likes the idea of protecting you. 

Always walks side by side with you. He’s nervous about holding your hand, but he’d never say it. Do it for him. 

Has eaten meat for YEARS and really struggles with that part of himself. 

Doesn’t kiss you for a really long time, he’s inwardly terrified that he’s going to hurt you. You’d have to make the first move.

Keeps you away from his work. He doesn’t want you to get hurt. 

He knows his world is dark, gritty, and that you shouldn’t be a part of it. He wants to send you away, but can’t. He thinks he’s selfish. You’ll need to reassure him this is what you want. 

Herbivores can’t see in the dark, so he keeps lights on in key areas so you can see better.

Protective. If anyone gives you any trouble he’s quick to correct their behavior, he can be incredibly intimidating when he wants to be

Slouches so you’re around the same height. Give him a back/neck rub at the end of the day. It will make him feel better, and he liked being close to you

The kind of boyfriend that remembers all the major events in your relationships, including small ones. 

Once he gets comfortable, he’s a snuggle bug in private. Cheek kisses, arm around your shoulders when you’re sitting, wrapping his arms around your waist when you’re standing.

Lions can’t purr, but if they COULD oh man, he’d never stop

Free

He’s famous for enjoying females, so the fact that he’s dating someone seriously that’s not a feline is really strange

You should have seen the expression on one of the more flirty female lions when he turned them down. 

Everyone thinks he’s joking about dating you at first, when they see he’s actually serious the teasing dies down, but doesn’t stop (it’s at his expense don’t worry).

“Has hell frozen over? What’s someone like you doing with a guy like Free?”

He honestly doesn’t expect you guys to stay together for very long. He expects it to be a fling. Only it doesn’t stop. He doesn’t get tired of you or eat you....It’s weird but wonderful. 

Has eaten meat for years, and has a hard time letting himself kiss on anywhere but on the cheek. Likes to throw his arm around you and hug you. So he does show affection, but keeps his mouth FAR AWAY from your throat. 

Rests his head on top of yours 

Calls you “Babe” a lot. He has a lot of other nicknames for you to. Some of the lions don’t even know your name, just that you’re dating Free. 

Over. Protective. He knows the market, the animals in it and the animals who come to it. He is very prepared to shoot or maim anyone who tries anything. The fact he’s such a loose canon does help scare people off. Everyone knows who you’re dating and they make sure not to push it. 

He likes to show you off. He’s that guy that carries a picture of you in his wallet. Anyone who asks about him dating someone and he’ll show you off. 

“Sure she’s hot, but have you see the ass on my girlfriend?” 

Likes to show off in front of you. Fights? Yes. Please watch him and root for him.

Tries to get you to get a tattoo, but will NOT get identical ones. He doesn’t want to jinx it. If you wanna have similar tattoos though, that’d be okay. 

Dolph

A relationship with Dolph when you’re an herbivore is really low key. A lot of people don’t know you’re dating. He doesn’t want to put you in jeopardy

He’s pretty serious and it’s hard for him just to relax. He does relax when you’re alone and he knows you’re safe. 

Likes to lay his head on your chest and listen to your heart beat 

When you do go out together, you may have to initiate any hand holding.  He plays it off, but he’s secretly happy

He smokes, and you may have to get on him for that if you don’t like it. It’d be very hard for him to quit 

Will let you braid his mane, but wont keep it in if you go out

Supports your endeavors and does whatever he can to help. He may get a little to into it. You’ll say you wanna take a trip and he has everything planned out. It’s a blessing and a curse. 

Likes how small your hands are in his

When he has a hard day, just hold him. He’s heavy and will lean into you, but he just needs the support

Has to relearn how to be himself, and you really help with that. He smiles more when he’s alone with you. 

Has a really deep, gruff, morning voice

Agata

If lions could blush you bet he’d be constantly red. If you actually look close, the insides of his ears usually are

Loves holding your hand and hugs

Respects your boundaries. If Ibuki is the king of respect, Agata is the prince.

He’s still part of a dangerous organization in the black market, so when he’s working he’s all business. Only a few of the members know about you (just the inner circle). 

Agata, like most of the others, is petrified to kiss you. He probably has the worst anxiety out of anyone else. He’s a meat eater, he’s eaten your kind of meat before. What if He accidently hurts you?

Texts you all the time.

The one you can be on the phone with for hours and not know it

Likes it when you run your fingers through his mane

He’s stronger than he looks, so he may just pick you up and carry you every now and again. He just likes to hold you, let him have this

Brings you flowers and your favorite snacks whenever you have a bad day

Stammers when he’s flustered.

Likes to bury his face in your neck

He has a hard time being who he is versus how he thinks he should be. The fact he can goof off and just enjoy life without the strain of being a lion is a blessing. 

Probably says he loves you before you do. He does it when he’s half asleep on your lap. He falls asleep before he realized he said it, whoops.

You’d have to be the one to be aggressive in public. “Excuse me, he asked for no pickles”  meme

Miguel

He’s pretty quiet in his group, so no one knows you’re dating

Miguel is really good at thinking his feelings and thoughts, but isn’t great at voicing them. He does a lot of little things to show affection. He brings you a warm drink on a cold day, has food for you when you wake up, holds you hand

He likes to try and see the best in everything, even if he knows how ugly the world is

His mane is maintained carefully. Once you get really serious, he may ask you to help him with it. It’s pretty intimate, and when you’re done he looks at you like you have stars in your eyes

He’s the force of protection you don’t even know is there. He’s probably saved your life like, eight times, and never let you know that he did

Sabu

If Miguel is quiet, Sabu is dead silent

No one knows anything about his personal life, let alone his dating life

They find out one day when the group is trying to make plans for a fun sort of day, and he turns them down because you two have a date. It becomes a secret mission for the group to find out who you are.

They don’t, Sabu is the oldest member and one of the most clever

A popular headcanon is that his face is really, REALLY messed up. I share that headcanon. The first time you kiss the scars on his face he chokes up

He goes all in. he’s yours as long as you’ll have him. He expects the same respect from you. 

He’s eaten meat for a really long time, but he has more semblance of control being a smidge older than most of the other lions. 

A bit pessimistic 

Kisses you good morning and goodnight. 

Cuddles on the couch. He’ll watch whatever you want to, but he has his preferences

Wears his face covering everywhere, you’ll need to remind him he can relax when you’re alone

. If you get out of somewhere like work or school late at night, he’s waiting for you to take you home. 

So used to wearing a suit and tie, he doesn’t know how to do casual wear very well. He lets you pick most of his stuff out. 

Jinma

He knows a lot about the black market, so he’s over protective from the get go. However, since he does know so much, he knows what connections to make to keep you safe. 

Eats meat, and is self conscious that you’ll judge him for it. Please be nice to him

Kiss his eye with the spot, it makes him feel special

(Personal headcanon) His mane has never grown right, so he keeps it short. He’s kind of self conscious about it. A lions mane means a lot to male lions, he tries to keep it nice but...it’s nothing like some of the other Shishigumi’s manes. Pet it, run your fingers through it. Males don’t complimented enough. It’ll make him feel loved. 

If you ever wanna go anywhere fancy, because of his connections and knowledge, you can basically go anywhere at any time...as long as it’s in the black market, but he may know a guy that knows a guy. If there’s something more legal you need, he checks in with his other gang members to see who knows who

Has a wicked good memory, remembers pretty much everything you’ve said

Dope

A gentleman. He will hold doors open for you, offer his arm and hand when you walk together, brings you flowers. 

He, like all the Shishigumi, eats meat. He is self conscious about it an doesn’t want to scare you away. He will be upfront about it though. He wants honesty. he talks it out with you, and he will try and cut back but being part of the Shishigumi, and a meat addict, means it’s very hard for him to stop. He probably wont, not completely, but he tries not to do it around you. 

He doesn’t brag he’s dating you, but if he’s asked he gets this really peaceful look on his face

If you ever take him shopping at any flea market or outdoor stalls, he will get you the best bargain. He’s also amazing at helping you with any work contracts, apartment contracts and anything else.

Likes it when you brush his mane, and lets you put it up for him before he goes out. He doesn’t let you do anything fancy, but says when you do it it somehow turns out better

Hino

Hino is very attractive. His looks are what brings jobs in, so he keeps the fact that you’re dating a secret for business. 

Gives you extra affection in private because of it. Kisses, hugs, all that. His favorite is to kiss the back of your hand, he is kind of a romantic. 

Don’t get him wrong, he’s still a lion. If he hears that an animal is giving you a hard time, he will take them down and look handsome AF doing it

Eats meat, and like all the other lions worries for your safety. He tends to eat before he sees you, but after a while of you dating he becomes more relaxed. He doesn’t eat in front of you though. 

Spends a ton of time getting ready for the day, you may have to fight him for the bathroom 

Compliments you a lot. He uses the basic one liners at his job with older, lonely, animals. So, he uses unique ones for you. 

“I think the sun is jealous of your smile”

Totally lets your style his mane, and if you’re going out to somewhere not the black market, he’ll keep whatever style you give him. He’s confident and pulls anything off

Calls you Darling

Worst bedhead. 

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

NSFW Manage yourselves safely!

Ibuki 

It was almost impossible to get him in bed with you. He’s so worried and full of anxiety. Any mood you get in, you instantly gets ruined by him being worried he’ll eat you

You’re going to have to plan in advance and spend a lot of time talking about safety and safe words

Honestly? He does try and eat you the first time. Not intentionally and he stops himself, but to be fair to HIM as an herbivore...you almost let him

It kind of ruins the mood and you end up talking it out with him. He’s so ashamed he can’t look at you for a while. 

Once time goes by, and you move pretty slow, but it’s worth it. Sex with Ibuki is amazing

Remember how Ibuki is really diligent about your limitations and you as  an herbivore? Pays OFF when he’s with you

He’s all about foreplay and making sure you are ready and prepared before he does anything. Ibuki has big dick energy. He doesn’t brag but is blessed. But he knows that with you being smaller than him, he’s not down to hurt you with it 

 He starts keeping his nails short for you. The other guys may try and tease him for it, but Ibuki gets defensive over you and so it’s short lived.

His voice drops when he’s in the mood, and he borderline growls. You’ve been teasing him all day, you really should make it up to him

Surprisingly good at dirty talk, it kind of comes naturally to him and neither of you know why

Loves your thighs, and his whiskers tickle. 

He has big hands, and when you’re alone he may saunter up behind you and run them down your sides slowly, kissing your check and down your neck. 

Best at aftercare, no matter how tired he is, he will take care of you 

Free

Is more concerned than he lets on. He tries to pretend he’s all confidence, but he has a pretty hard time getting to the point of actually having sex with you. He actually start actively avoiding it. He blue balls himself. Someone help him.

He’s used to doing what comes natural, and what if what comes natural means hurting you? He’d rather not.

When you do finally try and have sex, he doesn’t kill you...but he does bite you. You need stitches, and he has even more of a complex (tell him he just gave you a cool tattoo or something)

He may actively avoid you or being near you. It’s a set back. He’s not like Ibuki who can talk it out, he’s supposed to be a lion, not a scaredy cat. 

You have to put your foot down. You’re dating a bad ass mafia lion, not some nervous school boy. Remind him about how much you care about him and how much you want him.

The second time goes better, but he’s a LOT more careful. he does maim a few pillows, claws the mattress. Their sacrifice is appreciated. (you two become famous for ruining and destroying beds. The other guys are both impressed and disgusted. Free has no shame)

Trims his claws so he can use them the next time. He’s learning.

This male is a womanizer, but he’s not great at doing things that females would stay for? It’s more of a hit-it-and go. He knows some tricks but...not a lot. 

Tries his best though. Loves to dig his hands in your hips. Leaves bruises. One time he got hammered and asked Ibuki for advice. Ibuki was helpful, but needed therapy afterwards. 

Rough sex 90% of the time (that other 10 is passionate sex that lasts hours, it’s pretty impressive)

Once you guys get comfortable, hope you’re okay with bite marks and kiss marks. You’d have to wear winter clothing 24/7 to hide them all. He’s VERY proud of you being his female, he doesn’t want any other male getting ideas

Turns him on if you take control. Most things you do turns him on. He’s near insatiable. You could roll out of bed, eyes still squinty, mascara from last night all over, and he’s like..man, that’s hot. Hope you’re okay with having sex in weird places, he’s going to ask. 

Not great at aftercare, but BOY can he snuggle. If you’re able to walk afterwards, you wont be able to. Clingy. 

Dolph

Wants it to happen organically, but when it finally does, he catches himself.

He’s looking at you under him, how your eyes sparkle and shine, and how vulnerable you are...And the idea that he could rip out your throat comes to mind and it terrifies him. He practically throws himself off you

You have to reassure him and talk to him. 

Dolph is careful with you the first time, and while he doesn’t bite you, he does dig his claws in a little to much. They may or may not scar. He feels bad, but he’s so in the moment he can’t help it

May drool a little. Don’t tease him until later. 

He doesn’t stop until you’re satisfied. It’s a promise. You will NOT be able to walk the next day. He’s going to make the claw marks up to you if it kills you and wakes everyone in ear shot. 

Out of all of the lions, you’re safest with Dolph. He’s ”the serious one”, which makes him practical and knowing. He actually does research and goes online to inform himself. 

Love bites. He doesn’t break skin, so you’re safe there. 

Loves it when you try and claw him. You can’t do a lot, as an herbivore, but the fact your instincts try and make you...really gets him going. 

Casual at aftercare. Better than average but nothing near Ibuki or Agata.

Not a sex maniac, and with work, it’s not high on his priority list. He’ll make up for it though ;)

Agata

Likes to pretend it’s not something he’s interested in, but he is. He just doesn’t want to pressure you, or scare you. Dating a lion is one thing, being fully exposed is another and he knows it. 

He thinks about it a lot, but doesn’t act on it. You probably will have to take the lead. Agata gets way to in his head.

The sweetest kisser ever, but when he’s heated they’re like fire. Biting your lip, you face carefully with his claws just teetering on the edge of digging in. He loves kissing you, doesn’t matter where. 

Kissing will lead to other things if you don’t stop him, but do you really want to?

Likes to pull you close, and the more heated he gets the more likely he’s going to grind on you without realizing he’s doing it

Totally whines if you stop kissing him. 

Younger than the rest of the Shishigumi, and is more prone to using his instincts. He eats meat and is afraid of hurting you, but his desire to fuck your brains out is far greater than the instinct to eat you

He does end up biting you, and uses his claws. The damage he does isn’t serious, but he still fuses over you when its over. 

Takes a while to let himself near you like that again. He beats himself up. You may have to prove to him you’re tougher than you look. 

When you try again, he makes up for his shortcomings. You’re not sleeping tonight, call in sick to work tomorrow. 

You may have to ask him to slow down. He intends to go all night, you may have to curb his enthusiasm. Don’t forget to take breaks for water so you don’t pass out. 

Wont stop until you’re satisfied. Doesn’t matter how tired he is. 

Sweet nothings in your ear non stop...between the moaning. He’s surprisingly vocal

Talk to him too. Part of the reason he cares so much about you is because you see him for who he is, not his status as a lion. 

Since he doesn’t plan having sex with you, and just lets it happen naturally, he always has things in his room for you. Just in case. Please don’t tease him about it, the other lions do that enough. 

Is totally the kind of guy to help you bathe afterwards if you want.

One of the biggest snugglebugs 

Miguel

Miguel is worried about having sex with you, but no one knows it but him. 

He’s the brawn of the group, and is strong as hell. He may end up trying to show off and you may end up in positions when you have to totally vulnerable (if it makes you uncomfortable, he’ll adjust. Just talk to him)

Muscles for days. The lion is made of stone, but has surprisingly soft touches. He knows his body and knows how to use it

He’s never had sex with an herbivore, he’s thought about it, but having sex with something he may eat later didn’t sit well with him. You are a different story. He’s thought about it a little to much

First time he has sex with you he claws you, and they’re pretty deep. You end up getting stitches. Unlike a lot of the other lions though, he doesn’t avoid you afterwards. He’s there when you get stitches, intimidating the doctor (who has a small heart attack every time Miguel moves)

Apologizes but isn’t afraid to try again. He trims his claws this time, you should really tell him the other things his fingers could be used for outside clawing your back. 

Do not mess with his mane or pull it, he’ll get grumpy. 

Loves your chest and carefully uses his tongue. Doesn’t matter what size they are, he’s a fan. 

Not very vocal, but likes it when you are. 

Sabu

Sabu is older and more controlled, so you’re pretty safe with him. 

He doesn’t seem like he’s interested in it, and since he doesn’t talk much, him bringing it up comes out of no where.

“Wanna have sex?”

Just out of no where. He doesn’t talk much so he doesn’t beat around the bush. You were just scrolling on your phone, and you nearly drop it.

He doesn’t hurt you when you have sex, not even by accident, but the couch you were on gets shredded. It looks like an animal twice his size attacked it. 

Runs his hands over your body, he can’t stop touching you. 

Kiss his scars, it sooths him, and he’ll pay you back

Loves your neck, but is careful not to leave any marks (you have no idea how he doesn’t, it’s like magic)

He doesn’t care if you leave kiss marks on him

No great with aftercare, but will make sure you’re okay and kisses your cheeks and on top of your head

Jinma

Disaster. He doesn’t mean to be, he just is

He wants it to be perfect, but while he knows everything about the black market, he doesn’t know much about having sex with an herbivore. He never really though of it, and now that he is...help him. He knows rumors of herbivore and carnivore relationships that have gone wrong so...he kind of freezes up. That, and he hasn’t been in a lot of long term relationships. 

While the others do their research, Jinma goes way to into it and becomes a bit overwhelmed, but hides it. 

You end up having to take control. For someone who knows the black market like the back of his hand, Jinma is the student and you are the teacher. You’re an herbivore, and you’re going to show him just how much you know (you are the captain now)

He bites you, and he does break the skin, but he just closes his mouth and allows you to decide if you wanna continue or stop

He starts keeping a med kit in his room just in case. 

He gets better, the more he learn and the more serious he is with you. Soon he’s compiling a book of knowledge on you.. He knows where to touch to make your toes curl, what to say, and your weak spots

He takes everything he learns and uses it against you one night. He’s a fast learner. 

 Dope

Part of negotiations is to know what a person wants and what they will go through to get it. So, when you bring it up, the look in your eyes is all it takes for him to know he needs to take you serious. 

Usually his kisses are quick and satisfying, but once he actually starts to seriously kiss you its like it’s the last time he’s going to do it. 

Likes to have you in his lap. Seeing your face is important to him. Every movement and actions of your body paints a picture of what you want. 

Third best at foreplay, what drags him down is he watches you to the point that he forgets what he’s doing

When you first have sex, he ends up clawing your hips and biting your lip to hard. You lip bleeds a little and his nails break the skin.  He’s a little worried, but if you don’t tell him to stop he’ll get permission to keep going. 

Ends up also biting you, but nothing to terrible or life altering. 

He loves watching you, body language tells a person a lot about someone, so no matter where or how, he likes seeing your face. 

Afterwards, he makes sure you’re okay, and comfortable, He does the basics, but doesn’t go overboard 

May leave a kiss mark or two, but it’s accidental. He doesn’t want to embarrass you (even if seeing you with kiss marks makes the animal in him deeply satisfied)

Hino

Hino knows a females body like no other. He’s not exactly promiscuous, but he likes being satisfied

Since dating you, he hasn’t been with any other females, he’s very needy. He’s not as bad as Free, but he’s getting there.

You have no idea how he seduces you every time, one moment you’re making tea, the next, you’re on the kitchen counter 

The first time you try and have sex with him, he claws you way to hard and you end up having to get stitches and fixed up. He feels awful and can’t look you in the eye. He swears he will NEVER do it again

He never does, he keeps to his word

Unlike some of the other lions, the fact he hurt you doesn’t keep him away. He feels bad, but now he’s going to try twice as hard to make sure every time he has sex with you is amazing.

Wont stop until you’re satisfied, and just seems to naturally know your body and what you like.

While he’s composed in public, you get to see a little wild in his eyes when he fucks you. He has this low growl that rumbles through his chest that you feel deep in your body the tighter he holds you

Probably has had sex with you on most surfaces in your home. 

Above average at aftercare. He tries, but having more one night stands than not hasn’t equipped him for great aftercare. He learns though. 

[twink-appreciation-posts]

Simple Victimology (Spencer Reid x Reader)

chapter one of “all bets are off”

“An agent of the BAU is exactly the unsub's type. Pretty convenient, right? Well, turns out she's exactly Dr. Spencer Reid's type as well. All it took for him to admit it was a bit of... performative seduction.”

{notes: sorry if this was is bit too dialogue heavy! i just needed to get all the groundwork/backstory laid out lmao. anyway action and NSFW content is coming up next chapter.}

"So our unsub's victimology is quite clear, right? I mean, almost to an irrational degree. All the women he's attacked have been dressed similarly, with similar body types, similar makeup." Dr. Spencer Reid mused, his eyes scanning the photographs up on the wall. "And he just doesn't seem to strike women who are alone. He enjoys the thrill of stealing his victims away from other men."

You let out a sigh. The case you and the rest BAU had been working on was fairly straight cut: psychotic sexual sadist who abducts his victim from parties, tortures them for months, then dumps the bodies in the woods.

"But it just doesn't make sense. With such a specific MO, he must rarely find a target that's suitable for him to strike." You shook your head. "It's not a trait that lends itself well to a serial killer."

"That's probably why he spends so much time with each of his victims. An attempt to keep him satisfied between hunts." Derek agreed.

Rossi piped up next. "The specificity leads me to believe he's chasing after a very certain high.. trying to recreate a specific person or moment through his delusions." He continued. "Our best chance of drawing him out is to send out the perfect victim. He's the type who can't afford to pass up the opportunity when he sees one."

Silence. Everyone on the team knew what happened last time they had sent an agent out as bait. No one was sure they were ready to take that type of chance again.

Spencer's eyes continued to scan the pictures and then, suddenly, you felt the weight of his eyes on you. "Y/N looks pretty close to the unsubs type.." He said hesitantly.

"No," Hotch began "We're not sending our own agent out into the field of a sexual sadist as bait."

You stood up quickly. "No, it's okay." You spoke firmly, your own gaze fixated on the previous victims' images. "All we need to do is draw him out, right? You guys will be with me the whole time. I'm not a risk. I can do it."

Silence befell the room again, until Hotch broke it. "Alright. Reid, Prentiss, go over the victimology one more time. Make sure we get this right. We'll send Y/N out tonight."

"That still leaves the issue of the male companion, sir." Emily piped up.

"I'll do it." Morgan volunteered. "I feel at home on the dance floor anyway. Easy cover." He chuckled.

"No..." Rossi thought out loud. " We need someone who's not threatening. Someone who has zero chance of jeopardizing this mission. Zero chance of scaring our unsub off."

Everyone almost instantly turned to Reid. It was almost comical. He blinked a few times, processing the implications of everyone's stare. "Oh. Yeah. I guess I fit that description." He smiled weakly.

"So it's settled then. Get to work agents."

And without another word, you each followed Hotch's orders. You remained in the conference room with Spencer and Emily, psyching yourself up for your first mission as bait.

"The women that our unsub target are all dressed..." Spencer trailed off.

"Provocatively." You finished for him. "They're all wearing short dresses. Lots of skin exposed. And, from what we've gathered, they all seem to be a fan of the party life. Witnesses at the sight of the abduction told us that the girls don't shy away from the taboo. Drugs, drinking, dancing, you name it."

Emily nodded. "You up for that, Y/N?" She questioned half-jokingly.

"You should be asking Spencer if he's up for dealing with that side of me." You jested, glancing up at him. He gave you a reassuring shrug, one that could've been mistaken for a wince, and you shoved him gently. "Don't worry Spence. I won't go too wild. Anyway, I should probably get home and grab a change of clothes. They'll want to have as much time as possible to wire me." You turned on your heel, walking out of the conference room.

"I'll be back!" You announced to the rest of the team.

"Y/N, wait!" Spencer jogged up behind you. "I, uh, I should probably get changed too, right? I mean, I don't want to look too out of place."

You gave him the good ol' once over and pondered for a moment.

"Do you own anything that doesn't look like a TA would wear on his first day of class?" Derick teased from his desk.

"I have some dress shirts, at least." Spencer replied seriously.

"Well I'll give you a ride, then." You offered. "Your place is pretty close to mine." Spencer nodded and followed you out the door.

"Do I really dress like a TA?" He questioned, partially to himself.

"Maybe, but like a TA that all the freshman girls would have a crush on." You patted his shoulder reassuringly.

The car ride to Spencer's place was a relatively quiet one. You discussed the case, you asked Spencer if he thought the plan would work. He seemed pretty confident it would.

"If you want you can just wait here for a second. I really just need to grab the clothes and we can head to your place." He explained once you had parked.

"Go for it." You replied.

He came back, a couple of shirts and ties in hand, and shut the car door. You began driving once again.

"So, Y/N, did you um, used to party a lot back in college?" He asked you. You smiled.

"A bit. I had some fun, that's for sure. I was always pretty focused on my academics, though. Not as much as you were though, I'm sure. A few of my friends used to call me "the fortune teller". I had a habit of making guesses on what would happen at the parties we went to. Who would hook up with who, who would black out first, stuff like that." You reminisced.

"Profiling your fellow party-goers." Reid chuckled.

"I suppose so."

You escorted Reid up to your apartment when you arrived. He commented that it seemed like a nice place. You thanked him. Casual small-talk was made. You began to dig through your closet, searching for a dress that would entice the unsub. "What color shirts did you bring?" You asked.

He quickly shuffled through his options. "Black, grey, white.. why?"

"Just wanted to make sure we wouldn't clash. Can't have a red dress with a blue shirt, right? We're supposed to be going to this party together."

"Oh, smart."

You pulled out two dresses, both of which were from your younger days. You prayed they would still fit. "Which one do you think?" You held them up to Spencer.

"Well, they're both.. they're both pretty. I like them both." He replied, analyzing them.

"Well, yeah . But I mean, which one do you think the unsub would prefer?" You chuckled.

He flushed. "Right. I'd say the dark red one. It reminds me of the dress from the first victim."

You nodded. The dress crushed velvet. Tight. Short. Exposing. But oh well, you figured, this was your job. "I'm gonna change in the bathroom. Feel free to change out here."

You exited the bedroom, leaving him alone. When you had finished slipping on the dress, which fortunately had fit perfectly, you slipped back into the bedroom. Spencer was buttoning up the last few buttons of his shirt. Your eyes followed his fingers, the way they methodically worked, and when he was done he looked up at you.

You both took a beat.

"You look great, Y/N." He coughed a bit, eyeing you up and down. "Ready to catch our unsub." He added quickly.

"You too, Doctor." You grinned. "I think we'll make quite a convincing pair." You grabbed some heels from your closet and motioned for him to follow you back out of the apartment. "Back to work we go!" You sing-songed, starting up the engine.

Almost the instant you stepped into the door of the BAU offices you were bombarded by Hotch a few additional FBI agents. Hotch began to go over the plan meticulously:

Make it appear like you've been drinking. Reid will leave to "go to the bathroom". You go outside for a "smoke break". The unsub will follow you from inside the club. The rest of the team will be staked out in a car near by. Keep the unsub talking. He'll offer to buy you a drink. Accept. He'll go back inside and bring it to you. It's drugged. Do not drink it. Keep the cup as evidence. That's when the others will come to put the guy in cuffs. Reid will be just inside if things seem like they're going to go sideways.

"Jeez, Hotch, I may not have an eidetic memory, but I can remember this. I promise."

Once you were wired up, JJ and Emily began the proccess of your hair and makeup. For a moment, it was almost cute. It was like you were getting ready for a girls night. Except, you supposed, that it was all in the name of baiting a serial killer.

When the clock hit 9pm you and Reid were shuffled off back into your car and given directions to the bar that you would be staking out.

"We didn't have much time to talk in there, what with Hotch being up our asses about the plan. How are you feeling?" You asked.

Spencer didn't reply.  Nerves, you figured. "Spence?"

He shook his head, almost as if he had snapped out of a trance. "Ah, yeah sorry. I feel pretty good. I mean, I'm confident we'll catch our unsub." A moment of hesitation. "JJ and Emily did a great job on your makeup. You look... great."

You felt your face heat up. Why was a compliment from Spencer Reid making you nervous? "Thanks."

At 10pm you were pulling into the parking lot of the bar. It was almost full. Tons of people must've been inside. Your unsub included. You took a moment of pause. "Time to get into character." You wiped your sweaty hands on the crushed velvet fabric of your dress.

"The rest of the team must be down the block." Reid nodded.

You looked towards him anxiously and stepped out of the car. He followed suit, coming around to the passenger side and grabbing your hand. You squeezed it gently, not sure if it was to calm your nerves or his, or just because you wanted to.

"Come on, babe!" You exclaimed, pulling him towards the entrance.

It must've caught him off gaurd, but he just chuckled. "I've been waiting for this night all week."

[realmonsterboyhours]

how would the dons react if their s/o was taken hostage? whether it’s because they have personal business with the dons or s/o? and also s/o was a little roughed up as well. fee free to delete if this makes you uncomfortable.

The dons' s/o taken hostage / hurt to comfort

It does not make me uncomfortable <3 As a general note to anyone wondering, the only topic I'm not really willing to write about is anything specifically politically charged. It never hurts to ask! I've lived a long and terrible life, so I have plenty of experience. If you wanna ask for something that tends to be a bit "uncomfy" for other writers then that's fine! Feel free to ask, worst case is I just delete it.

Fun fact! I actually had a dream about the dons where I was in this exact situation! So some of the responses may be inspired from that

Tw: Kidnapping, taken hostage, death, talk of gore, talk of torture, generally a darker piece that I'll put below the cut!

Zhuk

When you went missing he went utterly nuts.

There's no way you would have just silently left all that you had here, there's no way his adored partner would have just taken off, and definitely not without a word.

In an instant he's rallying the other dons for a game plan to find you.

When they get the info they need on where you are you're gonna have to bet on this war-beast of a man. Because he's there to fuck shit up, and take names.

He's walking in calmly to the room your kept, with a smile, nodding to the others or his clones to "Escort my love back home".

When you're taken back home, and are safely away Zhuk is absolutely going to go nuts on whoever it was that took you.

Their cries will fall sickeningly silent quite literally under his feet, because he doesn't even deem them worth spending ammunition on, not when brute strength and a well placed boot do just as well.

When he comes home he's making you a strong drink, having you patched up, and he's spending the rest of the evening with you wrapped up in his arms.

He's doesn't remember the last time he cried, but he tonight. The thought of you hurting because of their business is almost enough for him to let you go, but he knows that ultimately you would be worse off without their protection and the idea of other problems you'd face would leave him feeling helpless. He'd spend the night swapping between comforting you with your favorite things, and silently crying while holding you tenderly so it doesn't hurt.

Gio

He is likely the most outright calm of the bunch when he finds you've gone missing.

He somehow always has a sense of where you are, he figures it's just because he loves you so much. Maybe it's a benefit of being some kind of eldritch horror monster.

Whichever it is, he doesn't feel the need to alert the others. That would only cause a massive panic. Not when he has it handled.

The perks of being a eldritch demon shapeshifter of sorts seem endless when sneaking into a warehouse full of opposing bad guys would be that its much easier to actually sneak in unannounced.

Whether it's turning himself to one of the captors, or straight up turning into shadows or smoke of some kind he's getting in that locked room and he's instantly teleporting you home with him with a snap of his fingers.

Though it's much less eventful than the other dons, that's because Gio likes to keep you out of his mafia business as much as possible. What you don't know is the terrifying swell of rage inside him where he's already sent in his clones to torture them for information.

He's going to patch you up himself. Whether it's him or the other dons, Gio is the one among them who is actually medically trained as much as Scarabee likes to tell you he's also trained medically sometimes balms and salves aren't a good enough replacement for a well thrown stitch or two.

He would ask you if you wanted to see the others, or if it was too much right now and just wanted him, or if you wanted to be alone. He would obviously respect your wishes, but if you were silent he would opt to take you to see the others and sit around with them all quietly in the smoking lounge.

You do notice, however, that he's not letting you go, even when he snaps at Scarabee for wanting to put some of his home-made remedies on your beautiful stitches!

He's spending the next few nights awake, keeping an eye out for you. You would have a clone personally assigned to you. Likely Cici who is arguably his most terrifying clone, but would be soft and gentle with you when ordered from the boss.

Scarabee

At first, he doesn't quite know you're missing. He has shadows all over the estate but he doesn't know until a clone reports you missing to him.

His dead heart drops to his stomach.

He's asking his patron God where you are, the answer is clear and exact. He knows in n instant exactly what us happening and he's taking off without a word.

If you thought Zhuk was bad. Oh boy.

His clones are all called out, they swarm the entire building and let me tell you, the noises you would hear are not for the faint of heart.

A group would retreat to your room where they may attempt to hold you hostage at gunpoint unless they all stop.

You're freaking out but Bee just gives you the sweetest smile and walks closer and closer. He can smell the fear and bluff in these guys' veins.

He's going to take you into his arms and he's gonna cover your ears and just do his best to get you out of the room

But you will never unfortunately forget the sight of a Naga Deity splitting his mouth open to literally eat the poor saps who threatened and hurt you.

Once you're home he's bringing you begrudgingly to Gio for medical care. As much as he knows his stuff would work, he knows everyone else would also be more comfortable with Gio's help.

He's still gonna put his own balms and salves on it once he's done though.

He's not letting you off his lap, he himself is going to smoke down a few more cigarettes than normal tonight, and any fleeting hope of sleeping that night or that week even for him is completely dashed away.

He's going to spend the night with you in his arms, in his bed, stroking your hair as gently as possible and promising to do better.

He would end up likely giving you a little snake bracelet or piece of jewelry of your choice that would tip him off to when things are wrong or where you are if need be. It would be the only comfort he would have for a while.

Cia

He's tipped off to your absence by a clone, or by you not showing up to his pub like you two had been planning for tonight.

He's leaving a clone to watch the pub, and he's frantically headed home to let the others know. He's going to take at very least Zhuk with him. He's not as personally fond of getting his hands bloodied up again as funny as that is coming from the don who literally runs a bare knuckle boxing ring.

His goal is to get in there, and get you the fuck out.

It's likely with their clones combined that it's a rather easy process. Especially with Zhuk as blood-lusty as he is looking when he's also told you're missing.

So when they find you it's a quick in and out. You're worried for Zhuk but Cia is just getting you into the car where he's gonna start on some basic wound care that he's experienced at somehow.

When Zhuk returns they take you home, bring you to Gio, and by then it's basically a family affair. The others would respect your wishes if you wanted to be alone with any one of them but they won't let you be entirely alone after that. Especially not Cia.

He's holding you in the smoking lounge, keeping you impossibly close, and he's nursing something himself that's strong and dark.

He'll offer to make you a drink as well if you want it to help take the edge off.

Once he gets you to sleep he's spending the whole night sleeping by your side with a couple clones posted up around to keep an eye on everything. Though his Chamie clone will absolutely try to sneak in some love for himself because he was scared of losing you extra.

Bajo

He's tipped off when he heads to your room or any of your normal spots and you're nowhere to be found. That's unlike you at all.

But something just doesn't feel right.

He sends out all his clones to try and find you. They end up finding clues for your abduction and they all report back. He'll send out all the clones to search high and low at every possible place.

He's letting the others know and before they can stop him he's off to find you as well.

When the dons all finally show up, taking care of everything is easy. That's the perks of having 5 demon lovers.

But when Bajo finds you it's dramatic. He's kissing the breath out of your lungs, he's trembling and nearly crying because the other dons may have had experience with similar, but this would be Bajo's first.

He's personally taking you back home, and having Gio patch you back up.

He gets whatever you need, water, helps you bathe, he runs drugs and getting you pain relief is no problem. He'll keep you pin free and loved.

The others know he's taking it hard so they let him have you for a while. He'll be selfish and keep you to himself for as long as the two of you need.

He'll be there to listen if you need to talk, or he'll be there to distract you if that is what you prefer.

From there on he's assigning you a clone for a while. Your favorite clone, and if need be, he'll swap them out so you at least don't get bored. But he has to make sure you're safe. He can't lose you.

It was his first ever run in with losing someone he truly loved, and he can't even begin to imagine losing you permanently. He knows he will eventually, but until then, he's gonna milk all the time and love from you he can.

[wickedsrest-rp-archive]

Name: Sofia Delgado Species: Human (Medium) Occupation: Bookmaker at The Stacked Deck Age: 33 Years Old Played By: Beck Face Claim: Úrsula Corberó

“Some monsters have voices in their head, urging them to kill; mine are begging me to stop.”

Sofia was pushed out of her mamá’s car at the age of ten with only a vague, finger-point indication of where she would spend the rest of her days. “White Crest, niña mala,” her mamá spat, “find your tita and let her handle you.” Sofia wore no shoes - she’d refused, ever since learning to walk - and carried only a small bag on her back. Inside, a spare pair of underwear, her childhood doll, and a switchblade she’d stolen from her tío’s garage.

The walk to town was as alarming as it was awakening; strange faces leering at her from behind tinted glass, the thick stench of life and loss oozing from conspicuous shopfronts. It was just a normal town, moderately abuzz with afternoon trade, but Sofia’s head felt heavy with a strange force tapping at her skull. As always, yet now more than ever, she hungered.

After questioning enough strangers, Sofia found her tita’s home and, inside, her tita. Cold, white and rigid on the kitchen floor. There was no blood; the kitchen was sterile and the scene, with the sun setting through netted curtains, soft. It wasn’t the first time Sofia had witnessed death, often peeking over the sofa to watch the news late at night, but it was the first time she’d been in the same room as it. Despite the deep-set look of horror carved into her tita’s features, there were no tears or screams, just an overwhelming sense of comfort. Peace. 

Sofia poked her tita’s corpse with the tip of her switchblade. When nothing happened, she shrugged, placed the blade back in her pocket, and went to the fridge to make herself a jam sandwich. The body remained on that same floor for three days, a curious ornament and silent guardian. It was only when the front door rattled with a concerned neighbour that Sofia recognised the urgency of the situation. With great difficulty, she attempted to drag her tita towards the pantry and stuff her between rusted tins and bags of rice, but her young arms were too weak and the neighbour – a middle aged man with small eyes and a drooping chin – had already battered down the backdoor.

“What have you done?” he hollered, rushing forward. Sofia’s answer of “nothing” was true, so she felt no fear in vocalising it. The accusations continued to flow, each more bizarre than the next. A monster, a demon, a sea witch. He cornered her against the kitchen cabinets and demanded she show him her true face; she obliged. Just a smile. A twitch of the lips, a dilation of the pupils. Her face was that of Sofia Delgado, human, female, barely a decade old. She pulled her blade from the pocket of her pinafore and stabbed him twelve times in the neck without uttering a word. Her chest blossomed with pride, the buzz in her head fading, the thirst in her throat sated.

It wasn’t hard to get away with murder. It took over an hour to heave the man’s lifeless body towards the overgrown weeds beyond her tita’s fence and, once settled, she left him to rot. Then she ran to the WC Police Department in tears. “Please,” she’d wailed, “I was dropped at my tita’s this morning, but she won’t wake up. Please!” The authorities confirmed her grandmother had died of natural causes and placed Sofia into care.

By the time the man’s body was found – a lonely conspiracy theorist who most mocked for his declarations of the supernatural – Sofia’s alibi, age and pleasant demeanour had secured her innocence. One being, however, would not let her rest. As she was left to settle in the tiny dormitory of the foster home, just outside of town, the buzz in Sofia’s mind began to harden, white noise becoming words: I know what you did, devil child, it said, Monster! Demon! Witch!

Sofia twisted around and was met with the melting face of her first kill. He followed her everywhere, oft screaming condemnations, sometimes pointing out others in the community whose existence aggravated him beyond death. Frank, the ghost, was tethered to the Earth – and to Sofia – through pure intent to rid White Crest of the supernatural.

Sofia remained in the foster home until she was sixteen, with families perturbed by her empty eyes, knowing smile and outward twitching when Frank’s would yell late into the night. The older she became, the more she understood the need for discretion. Though a pretty face and faux naivety could grant her some margin, she no longer had the defence of childhood.

Sofia didn’t kill again until she was approved to live alone, choosing a derelict bungalow dumped between The Bend and Gallows Grove. It was another middle-aged man, one who’d ogled at her legs as if he owned her. His spirit, worthless and weak, didn’t have the strength to haunt her. Better still, he was from out of town.

To this day, that’s how Sofia selects her victims. Taking a job at The Stacked Deck, she can pick out the immoral and insignificant, those without the souls to shame her in the afterlife. It doesn’t always work; she’s still shrouded with the screams of spirits – both victims of hers, and those who cling to her untrained aura. But the bloodshed calms the noise for just a moment, and the kill – only every couple of years, annually at most – keeps her sane. 

Rarely do White Crest’s inhabitants suspect the pretty little human female, which remains both a security blanket and a cause of annoyance for Sofia. Why must she be assumed the better sex, pious and polite; why must she be the better species, in control of her whims? The world is washed from state to state by tides of blood, the laws of the land designed by lesser men who are too cowardly to taste chaos at their own hands. Though Sofia doesn’t howl at the moon, she sees something in the beauty in an intrinsic desire to kill.

Character Facts: 

Personality: Aloof, deceptive, intimidating, impersonal, suave, self-reliant, composed, calculated, flirtatious

Sofia lives in a ramshackle bungalow on an off-street of Burns Road. She’s never had the money or the inclination to buy a car, so townsfolk will often see her walking home, barefoot, through precarious streets at a leisurely pace, humming to keep the ghosts at bay. The rubble and glass that graze her toes are a reminder of the solid ground beneath her feet, the pain proof that she’s in control of her body, the journey enough to exhaust the senses. With tired legs, a glass of whiskey and a strong spliff, she can pass out in seconds with their threats of damnation only whispers lulling her to sleep.

She has her own corner in The Stacked Deck, not an official table, rather a booth that regulars know not to occupy. There, she takes and delivers bets ranging from next week’s hockey game to more sinister odds, profiting off the misdeeds of others. Occasionally, she’ll be asked to cover the bar. Both are perfect places to mark and monitor her next victim, paying close attention to the scum of the streets with little tethering them to home. Her role sometimes means significant interaction with White Crest’s supernatural community, and she is no longer shocked by their existence.

Though her home is dilapidated and her work less than honest, she presents herself as stylish and suave. Sharp bangs, cute chokers and easy movements. She’s a single-salt whiskey, red-wine and nicotine kinda girl, the sort that suggests trouble but only the fun kind. In her line of work, and with her particular interests in mind, it’s safer to suggest trouble than claim purity.

Sofia prefers to use knives and will always bring her victims home, where it’s easier to hide the evidence. Whilst her kills are easy enough to hide – buried in Gallows Grove at the height of darkness – they’re not necessarily neat.

Not having a car means that she can privately request a chaperone for the walk home, though she’ll never accept a ride. When asked, she’ll explain that she has a fear of cars, a hang-up from her abandonment as a child. In truth, the parked car of a dead person outside her home would spark unwanted suspicion.

Sofia is an untrained medium with no guidance but experience. As her ability to see and hear spirits were provoked as a child, she has had time to adapt to their never-ending noise but cannot control their volume and presence beyond drinking and smoking to numb her senses. When accosted by a spirit of a victim, they’re physical, often bleeding and reminiscent of the moment she killed them. On the other hand, spirits with little connection to Sofia remain just voices in her mind, occasionally a wisp or shadow.  

Despite being somewhat reserved and off-putting, Sofia can socialise well. Her pleasant yet monotone voice, dark eyes and cool conduct promote mystery rather than murder. She will only say what she needs to dissuade suspicion and increase her standing upon Stacked Deck patrons. Gothic and aloof, there are some will be put-off by her presence in their town, whilst others will think her just another oddity.

She’s bisexual with a preference towards women, though does not date. Sofia enjoys sex as both a tool to her trade and a distraction from the ghosts that haunt her, though honest exploits (those safe from her claws), will always be kept away from her own bedroom.  

[tsarinastorm]

Stare Blankly-Adam Sackler/Reader- Part 1, Chapter 4

Part 1:

Chapter 1     Chapter 2    Chapter 3 

Adam can’t remember the last time he had an enjoyable argument. Or if he had ever had an enjoyable argument. God, he felt so damn alive. Y/N was frustrating, intelligent, beautiful, and stubborn. He knew those traits would spell the end of him. He watches the sway of her hips as she walks away. He can’t take his eyes of her, though he knows that she more than likely hates him after that exchange. He should have played it cool after the yuppie comment, maybe he took it too far, and scared her away already. Why couldn’t he be normal and just accept her initial compliment. Adam can’t help but wonder how he could approach her if he ever sees her again. He’s so lost in his thoughts of Y/N that he doesn’t even notice that Jessa’s moved in close to him.

“You know, you should totally fuck her,” Jessa says in her typical accent. Adam’s not sure if he’s heard her correctly so he crooks his head to watch her face to see if she’s serious or being an asshole.

“What are you saying, Jessa?”

“You obviously want to fuck her. Get it out of your system. Go for it, she’s hot, you’re hot.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that, I think she’d more likely to push me in front of a train than fuck me.”

“You don’t know that. That argument you just had was full of passion. Something will happen between you, I’d be willing to bet on that.”

Adam laughs and shakes his head. Jessa offers him a cigarette and he follows her out for a smoke. But he can’t help but think of how much enjoyed that conversation with Y/N even if he was arguing with her.  He couldn’t wait to find more about her. He didn’t think he could feel that way again and here he is. He feels hopeful, invigorated, and almost giddy. Jessa is standing close to him, and she’s looking at him with heavy lidded eyes. He finishes the cigarette then realizes that he needs to get away from Jessa. He knows her and he knows that look, she’ll try to go home with him again, or pry into his thoughts on Y/N, so she can find a way to destroy that too. He makes up an excuse to leave, and emphasizes that he needs to be alone. Jessa takes the hint, and doesn’t follow him. Half way back to his new place, Adam remembers that he didn’t even ask for Y/N’s number, he’ll just have to get it some other way.

Several days had passed since Marnie’s gig, and you were going shopping with her. You finished paying for your coffee as the two of you walk. She takes a sip of her coffee as you finally ask, “So what’s the deal with Adam, Hannah, and Jessa?”

Marnie takes a deep breath before recounting to you the whole Adam saga. She talks about how he was there for Hannah, then moved on, then came back to her. Then he moved on with Jessa, but they didn’t even tell Hannah, she had to find out a theater event. She goes off on a sidetrack by adding what a shit friend Jessa is, and according to her, that was even before the Adam thing. You listen contently as you process the information you’re getting and let her vent. Marnie finishes by adding, “I don’t understand his appeal at all. He’s into a lot of weird stuff sexually, and I found him drinking milk while on the toilet. Drinking milk on the toilet, Y/N!”

“That is pretty weird, he never gave me weird vibes. He’s definitely different though. What do you mean weird stuff sexually?” You do your best to hide your interest in that topic, but you were incredibly curious to find out what she meant by that. You could see him being the kinky type, maybe into BDSM or something. She says, “He was always doing intense dirty talk according to Hannah, and when he made a movie about his relationship with Hannah, he included a big part with a whole scene where he spanks her before they fuck.”

I knew it, you think to yourself. You could see him as the dominant type. You were going to have track that movie down and watch it for yourself. While making a movie about a past relationship didn’t sit well with you, you were more than interested in observing that one scene. You can’t help but smile as you and Marnie continue on your walk. Marnie keeps complaining about her studio apartment and how she needs to look for a new place but hasn’t found the time, or a roommate. You needed to move out your apartment too, and you would prefer a roommate because you got lonely and combined incomes could help you both afford a nicer neighborhood. You were successful as an author but you only allotted yourself so much of your income to live on so you wouldn’t fly through it. And money was easy to fly through in New York City. You told Marnie your big idea, “Marnie, we should be roommates. I need to move out of my apartment because the lease expires soon and I want to live somewhere else. Roommates are normal in the city, we get along, so why not?”

“That’s such a good idea! We could probably get a nicer place with both of our incomes combined than we could get on our own too.”

“What neighborhoods are you thinking?” You ask her and hope she doesn’t choose somewhere like the Upper Eastside, or Staten Island. She says, “Let’s look at Greenwich Village. I have an old friend who may be able to help. I mean I used to hook up with him, so he owes me.”

“Sounds great. We’ll see what happens.”

You’re sitting at one of your favorite bookstores working on outlining your next novel. You’ve had three cups of a coffee and a raspberry scone already but you can’t seem to concentrate. When you’re about to get up to walk around, hoping that some exercise may help you focus. Upon standing, you lock eyes with none other than Adam Sackler. What is he doing here, you think to yourself. Continuing in your direction, he stops and gets himself a coffee, before sitting across from you. You watch him with curious eyes, he must be able to read the surprise on your face, because he answers your question without you having to ask it out loud.

“A friend of a friend of a friend told me you’d likely be here. I just wanted to say that I hope I didn’t take our ‘discussion’ too far.” He says while making the air quotes gesture when pronouncing discussion.

“Oh no, it was fine. I went to law school so an intense argument doesn’t scare me or offend me.” He raises his eyebrows at your last comments and snickers, “I should have known. You are very opinionated and argumentative.”

“Want to share more of your controversial opinions?” You say as you laugh at his reaction. Somehow you’re able to tell that he has plenty of controversial, or unique opinions, and you’re not getting any work done anyway. He smiles before he starts babbling on about how he hates ice cream. You can’t believe that!

BING! BING! Your phone goes off in the middle of your heated conversation, and Adam stops talking when he realizes that you’re reading the text you received from Marnie instead of listening to his point.

“It’s Marnie. We’re looking for a place, she got a lead on a great place.” You say as Adam hisses in response.  He looks around nervously before he finally says, “You need to find a new friend group.”

“Really? I think it’s pretty clear that you liked at least half of that friend group.” You snort.

“You’re bringing that up? You weren’t even around when that happened.” Adam says with a slight bit of venom in his voice.

“I wasn’t but I am here now to see the results of it. If it makes you feel better it probably won’t be a friend group for much longer.” You say as you internally debate changing the conversation or talking it out. This could be a difficult topic to discuss but you were genuinely interested in what his feelings were about it. He dated two friends, what was he thinking? He had to know the risks and consequences.

“It was always fucked up. Even before me. Tell me what you think, I can tell you’re holding something back.”

“I think it was a dick move. It seems like you went for Jessa because you knew it would hurt Hannah the most, then when it was convenient for you, you went back to Hannah knowing it would hurt Jessa.”

“Unbelievable. You’re being a judgmental bitch about a situation that you know nothing about.”

“Probably so, but you’re still an asshole who pulled a dick move.” You say as he walks away this time. Damn, he was frustrating. He had to know how that love triangle looked and seemed. He provoked the conversation then got offended when you told him what you thought. Luckily, it was a big city and you’d likely never see him again.

***********************************************************************

Adam sits there with his face in a frown, no matter how hard he tries to hide it. He was what may be the worst blind date of his life. The redhead named Leah (at least he thinks that was her name) continues to ramble on about something on her social media account, and how annoying it was to have so many followers. Adam tries to come up with some plan of escape. He wonders why he agreed to this date, but he wanted to find someone else and move on like everyone else has. He’s moved on in every other way but his love life. And that clearly wasn’t going anywhere tonight.

               He scans the room as the waiter approaches and asks if there’s anything else he can do. Adam tries to get the check but that is destroyed when Leah orders dessert. Then his eyes catch Y/N heading over to the bar. Of course she’s here, it’s the worst date of his life, there are eight million people in this city and he runs into her again. She looks amazing, as she has the other times he’s saw her. She doesn’t take his shit, she doesn’t coddle him, or even pretend to, which is a breath of fresh air from Jessa and Hannah. Though, her harshness does anger him, but he knows that she’s right. He is enraged by, intoxicated by, and aroused by her all at the same time; it’s a frustrating mix of emotions.

               Y/N locks eyes with him and nods her head to acknowledge that she sees him. He moves his head in response, trying not to look miserable, but she must notice it because she watches him and his date and throws her head back to laugh. Great, if he ever sees her again, she’ll definitely bring it up. Then he notices his phone is ringing, and his date is too busy dining on her cheesecake to notice what’s going on. He answers and is surprised by the voice that talks to him, “Use this as a way to leave the date. Say it’s some kind of emergency or something.”

               Adam had forgotten that he had exchanged numbers with Y/N at their last encounter before they argued and he stormed away. Here she was bailing him out, he never would have guessed that she’d try to help him out. He assumed she’d like watching him squirm, yet she found ways to surprise him and keep him on his toes. He looks to Leah and tells her it’s an emergency so he’ll have to leave soon, but he’ll get the check before he goes. Leah has no problem gathering her bag and heading out, and mercifully doesn’t mention ever seeing him again. He lets out a sigh of relief, then after paying the bill he heads over to where Y/N is perched at the bar. Taking a seat beside her, he says to her, “Thank you for that, I appreciate it. I was about to crawl under the table or fake an injury.”

“No problem, I’m a humane person. I can’t stand to see any other human or animal suffer. And that looked like the kind of torture that violates human rights treaties.” She says and takes a sip of her drink through a straw. Adam feels a rush come over him by talking to her again, and likes her sense of humor and sarcasm. He has a strange sense of humor and a lot of weird habits so he can appreciate them in someone else, especially in a beautiful woman.

“That was a terrible blind date.” He says in a mater-of-fact way, but he’s sure she noticed that it was an arranged date already.

“You should never talk to whoever set you up on that date again. They obviously hate you.” She says with a hint of laughter in her voice this time. She makes eye contact with him again, and turns her seat so she’s facing him. His eyes wander over her body from her long legs hanging over the chair up to her chest that’s rising with her breath. He remembers that he’s been glancing at her chest long enough that he fears she’ll notice so he pulls his eyes back to her face.

“Our talks are bad, but still not that bad. That was a ring of hell not mentioned by Dante.” He says, and she laughs at his response. He’s happy that he finally made her laugh, though he’s sure that he’ll soon say something and ruin the moment.

“Though, I do understand her horror at realizing that she had to socialize with you. You’re an acquired taste.” She smiles at him. He really notices how perfect her smile is: her teeth are straight and white, but don’t look like the fake perfect smiles that people buy. Her red lips are plump and practically mocking him. Fuck, I’m getting too deep, he thinks to himself.

“Like a fine wine or aged cheese.” He says in a voice that shows nothing but pride. He likes this banter between them, it’s not typical flirting, but it’s them and it’s pleasant.

“Look I don’t particularly care for you and you don’t particularly care for me, we’ve established that already. But do you want a drink?” She gestures to the bartender and he turns to head their way.

“No I don’t drink, I’m a recovering alcoholic.”

“Oh well, that’s good for you. I mean that seriously, that’s good you’re sober and got help. But I’ll see ya around, my guest has arrived.” She smiles at him and he saunters off to the door. This was the first of hopefully more pleasant exchanges between them. Adam thinks that his blind date may not have gone as planned but something good did come out of it.

*****************************************************************************

“What else can I get you, Miss?” The bartender (or mixologist) asks you, jerking you out of your trance, Adam seemed to have that effect on you even when you were arguing with him, and you seemed to be in your own little world. You go choose something different, a Manhattan, rather than your normal drink of choice: vodka tonic. The restaurant has great classic foods and a great bar, so you chose it to meet up with Marc. You hadn’t told Marnie about your past as a sugar baby and you wanted to ask Marc not to mention it to her. You’d like to keep that aspect of your past as discreet as possible. You never did anything morally wrong but it wasn’t something you were proud of because of the stigma that came with it. Marnie was excited that she got the job, apparently it went both ways because Marc was also impressed with her, and actually thanked you for recommending her. When he’d thanked you, you suggested grabbing a drink just to catch up.

               You took an opportunity to take in the rest of the restaurant and saw a number of people ordering drinks, getting food, or otherwise engaged. Then you saw Marc walking your way, and you were glad that he was as punctual as usual because you didn’t appreciate the nerves that came with waiting around. Marc sits next to you and he orders a whiskey sour. He breaks the silence, “It’s good to see you, Y/N. You look beautiful.”

“Hi, Marc, good to see you too. I hope all is well.” You say back as you try to hide your nerves and take another drink.

“I can’t thank you enough for sending Marnie my way, she’s perfect for the position. I think it’s going to go well.” He says and the way he’s watching you reminds you that you need to get to the point of this meeting.

“Look Marc, can you please not tell Marnie about how we met? She’s my friend and I haven’t told her about that part of my past.” He shakes his head in agreement and tells you, “Yeah, of course. I understand and I wouldn’t want to overstep my place. Can I tell her that we dated?”

“Feel free to tell her that, that won’t be an issue.” You say as you realize that you’ve finished your drink and that you need another.

[artxmisery]

ANSWER THEM A L L L LL LL L H AH HAHHEHAHEHAHAHAHAH HAH AHH AHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAH AHA HAHAHHAHAHA

Here we go! 1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? No reason, in particular, just the fact that my life is a confusing mess.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? Not really, no.

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? Yes, but mostly because I’d be concerned for their safety.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? Hell no.

5: What were you doing at 11 PM last night? Failing quite badly at sleep.

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? Hopefully a friend.

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Cut ties and tell them to do better next time.

8: Are you close with your dad? Eh, relatively.

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? God, I wish. Sort of.

10: What are you listening to? The Silent Confessions album by sad boy with a laptop

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? Plain old water.

12: Do you like hickeys? Not particularly.

13: What time do you go to bed? Before midnight, if I���m lucky.

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Nope.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? More or less.

16: Do you always answer your texts? In time, yes.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? A minute or two ago.

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Most of my friends tbh.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I haven’t the foggiest.

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? Nope.

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? Absolutely.

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? For sure.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? A little bit.

25: In the past week, have you cried? Yep.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? Grey.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? Once in a blue moon, yeah.

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? I hope not.

29: Do you have a best friend? Not one person in particular, no.

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? Not particularly.

31: Who was your last call/text message from? My mum.

32: Are you mad at anyone? Myself.

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? A few times.

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

35: How many more days until your birthday? 167.

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? Stay inside. And that’s about it...

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? Yeah.

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? Perhaps.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Absolutely.

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Not really.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? Depends on the context. Most of the time, yes.

42: Are you available? Quite.

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? A few.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? Nose, probably.

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? Absolutely.

46: Do you regret anything? Nearly everything I’ve ever done.

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Entirely too much.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? Sort of, but not really.

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? No.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? Assorted reasons, mostly because I’m a coward and it’s complicated.

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Yes.

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? Yes.

53: What was the last thing you ate? Fried rice with an egg over the top.

54: Did you get any compliments today? Not really.

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? I don’t know yet.

56: Do you own anything from other countries? Quite a bit, even if we’re only talking souvenir-type stuff.

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? Guys, I guess.

58: Where have you lived most of your life? Washington.

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? A couple days ago.

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? Once or twice, yeah.

61: Have you ever TP’d someone’s house? House? No.

62: Who do you text the most? Text? My immediate family, probably. Discord, who knows.

63: What was the last movie you saw? I honestly don’t recall, it’s been a long time.

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? Ahahahahaha...

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? None.

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? Yes.

67: Do you curse around your parents? I try not to.

68: Are you happy with where you live? More or less, but there are definitely places I’d rather live.

69: Picture of yourself? Nah.

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? Depends on the context, but I think that a healthy open relationship could 100% work.

71: Have you ever been dumped? Not really.

72: What do you most like about making out? Physical intimacy.

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? Maybe once? But no, not really.

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? Generally the other.

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? Eyes, most of the time.

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? A friend of mine.

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? Nope.

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? Nope.

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? Depends on the person, but most of the time probably not.

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? A few times.

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? I certainly hope not.

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? A good deal.

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? A couple of months now? I think?

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? Nope.

86: How can I win your heart? Just existing is sufficient most of the time. Kindness helps.

87: What is your astrological sign? Capricorn.

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Failing quite badly at sleep.

89: Do you cook? A few times a week.

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? No.

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? Somewhat, yeah.

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I generally stick to one relationship to see if it works out.

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? Not many, honestly.

94: Name four things that you wish you had! The ability to shapeshift. Or go back in time. Significantly more money. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

95: Are you a player? Nope.

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? Once or twice

.97: Are you a tease? Sometimes.

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Don’t think so.

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Yes.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? Absolutely.

101: Hugs or Kisses? Hugs.

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? Always.

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Their voice, generally.

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? Can be.

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in a relationship, would you go for it? Depends on if I know them and their partner(s). Generally, no.

106: Do you flirt a lot? Sometimes.

107: Your last kiss? It happened, yes.

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? Yes.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? I wish.

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? [redacted]

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? Nope.

112: Does someone like you currently? I doubt it, but I can hope.

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? Yep.

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? Serious, all the way.

115: Ever made out with just a friend? The ones I have didn’t stay that way long, one way or another.

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? I think it generally goes the other way around, honestly.

117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[watchtheblog]

petty cache

thank you for coming to read my diary which masquerades as a blog but is actually just a vessel for disseminating my birthday wishlists. it’s like an event you show up to where the host tries to sell you a timeshare 25 minutes after some requisite, mindless song and dance.

welcome! if you’d like purchase a timeshare, scroll to the bottom. for the song and dance, look no further:

the other day i zoned out on zoom therapy and when my therapist asked where i “went” i had to lie because i had gone to the part of my brain that holds all the things i need to think about forever for no reason (i call it the petty cache — this is an umbrella term for the space that also houses my attitude cabinet) and dusted off a memory of a comment i saw on a stranger’s facebook three weeks ago that said “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”.

i don’t know either person, and that’s what i was thinking about. i spend $[redacted] a month on therapy and instead of focusing on one of my numerous unsolved mysteries, i was thinking about the nuances of this comment - like why they wouldn’t just share the news or message the person directly? or what losing their password had to do with anything? or why they would comment on facebook instead of texting or calling the person. did they not have their number? imagine not knowing someone well enough to have their phone number, but still wanting to share your good news with them!

all i want (for my birthday) is to know what the news is that this stranger has to share, and i’ll never know so i have to put that comment in my minutiae repository with all the other things that will plague me until i die from texting and driving, smoke inhalation as a result of purposely leaving a candle lit in my home overnight almost every night, consuming half a dozen hot dogs a week, or a now unnamed disease that will posthumously be attributed to my chronic inability to mind my own business.

i’m constantly concerning myself with things that are none of my concern - no matter how insignificant - because my brain is a commune of sentient pepperoni running instagram polls among themselves to discern if something is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about. and guess what? it turns out absolutely everything that has ever offended, confused, bothered, intrigued, slightly inconvenienced, or merely happened to me is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about.

because i devote so much energy to nonsense, i can often be found persecuting strangers for insulting me on the internet (and for other miscellaneous bad behavior). the information superhighway is my home so i have to protect myself (and my friends) here, and if that means spending 45 minutes to 48 hours trying to find every misstep you’ve made in your life until i have enough ammunition to spray a dozen simulated retaliatory bullets at your virtual head because you called me a “stupid bitch” on instagram, well… so be it!

i am relentless in my pursuit of wasting time, so if that doesn’t work, i will find the cold stone creamery you frequent, seek employment there, be hired on the spot, learn the craft, be promoted to manager, poison you on your birthday, gain access to your funeral, and tarnish your reputation by reading your shitty DM in front of the few family and friends whom i haven’t already made aware of the abhorrent way you conducted yourself online!

there are so many different ways strangers will try to hurt your feelings — an interesting genre of which come from men who (like me) have definitely never had sex before, and mistakenly think i care about the ways in which my body does not make them horny.

“no tits” one will say. and i’m like, how do you want me to respond to that? my boobs are indeed small, yes. did you come here to shoot facts back and forth all day? ok: you’re going to start balding way sooner than you’re prepared for, i bet your childhood dog is dead, your time on the internet should be supervised, your closet is full of vests, and you wait on line at nightclubs… good day?!

while i will obviously engage with anyone if they want to fight, i prefer when the unsolicited criticism is personalized, and not just thoughtless, lazily devised tripe.

a year and a half ago, a man who looked like he exhales smog DMed me to let me know - among other things in a paragraph long rant - he’d “lost brain cells” watching my story. knowing he had likely never had an adequate amount to begin with, it seemed like an emergency, so i started a group DM with his wife. because his message had come just three days after a “fuckkk [heart eye emoji]” response to a photo of my ass, i included a screenshot as evidence of his devolving mental state.

being - presumably - gainfully employed, neither of them responded.

luckily, the consolation prize for insulting me is that you gain residency in my brain and stay in my thoughts and prayers for all eternity, so i checked in on them a few days ago. they’d unfollowed and wiped their feeds clean of each other!!

because i’ve never “moved on” in my entire life, i fired up our long dormant group chat, and sent my condolences: “aw. sorry your trip to positano - where you were going to attempt to repair your ramshackle marriage - got cancelled because of covid and so you just got divorced instead :(” i wrote before being blocked by both of them. 

then i headed right over to my therapist’s facebook and commented “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”

i spent an entire therapy session detailing this monomania before my therapist thoughtfully suggested i “pick [my] battles”.

to which i thoughtfully responded: yeah, babe. i pick every single one.

                                                        ***

timeshare time! it’s the same list as this post, with a few additions (at top) (and edits based on availability).

places to donate food education fund pretty brown girl the okra project

some furniture stuff a side table  a pointless, laughably tiny little thing this website is calling a “drink table” a lamp one of these benches i do not want this but it’s important to me that at least 2 other people know it exists

this plant that obviously does not need to cost $165 but idk how to shop economically

air pods

gifts from the previous post - all still v much in play!

a pair of shoes (size 8 or 38) one pair, another pair, yet another, these are on sale, these are not, and a final pair

a specific clutch with three color choices they allege this color is called sand but it looks white to me, pink, green for those who do not know what malachite means (it couldn’t be me. i learned it 3 hours ago when i began compiling this cursed list)

something everyone with money to waste needs this

dresses i’ll never be able to wear until there’s a vaccine because unlike someone tacky who knows me, i won’t be having a birthday party in the middle of a global pandemic (hi, you fool) white polka dot, not white polka dot, also not polka dot, a red dress, a skirt (aka half a dress), a black dress

this sweatsuit xs in this, small in this

is sephora cancelled? i want this hair dryer which i’m sure you can buy elsewhere if sephora is cancelled, which it v well may be

this item which you may think is cheap but actually it’s not soooo a hairpin

earrings one pair, another pair, and another

this dress which i’ll never wear anywhere even when there is a vaccine because… what?! but maybe. you never know. size 34. lol when i get this far into the list i’m always blown away by how insane it is that i do this every year to no audience. so i’m just laughing alone at that. :) i am v funny to myself. another dress i’ll never wear ;)

the nicest weighted blanket you know of i’m depressed!!!!! if you can’t tell!!!!!!!

every year i have asked for a weekend bag and every year i have not received one, so alas, we try again this is not a weekend bag actually but it will do. this is!

a peloton but just venmo me the cash (@merce212) because i have a hookup

an assortment of ridiculous things a $500 body scarf a $580 beach towel with an octopus on it for no reason besides “art” i cannot tell analog time but it’s never too late to start!! how mad would you be if someone bought you a roulette table for your wrist? be honest. (THIS WATCH IS FOUR YEARS RENT!!!!!!) they won’t say how much this costs :( i’m losing my mind and must be gifted a chanel watch or else i will perish. to put my salami on when i am eating salami in my bed “24k gold crocodile [?!!) teddy bear”. the website says there’s only one left, which begs the question “why did someone buy one of these rather than buying me a chanel watch?!!” *real ‘billionaires shouldn’t exist [unless they’re buying me a watch]’ energy* to put my new watch in this is ugly but it’s on sale :) idk wtf “secret box pendant” means but i wish this necklace was also a USB with every season and spinoff of 90 day fiancé on it hi yes i’m stupid but i draw the line at $1500 connect four…

[fictionalnormalcy]

Face Amidst the Smoke Ch. 10

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1333 Characters: Astrid Hofferson, Hiccup Haddock Summary: Astrid is paired for a project with someone who she is definitely not eager to work with. Haddock has a reputation of being a bad student, just a bad role model in general. But in being forced to work with one of the worst seniors in the school, she comes to see what is under this bad boy’s exterior… and she may be getting in over her head.

Hardheaded

“Sorry, Haddock, but I won’t be doing that.” I turned and put the two drinks on the table. “Gobber told you to bring me here just yesterday. Of course, there may have been a reason why you changed your mind. Your godfather knew you lived like this, and you didn’t want me to have to work in this kind of setting, where our very lives are at risk. But I really don’t think you want to be kicking me out. How would your godfather react if I called the repair shop tomorrow, and I told him you forcibly removed me from your own home?”

He seemed to play along, his scowl melting into a sarcastic smile. “You’re using my godfather as leverage? Just because you met him yesterday doesn’t give you a free pass.” 

“Him and I will be getting along very well in the coming month. He knows we’re doing this project together. Even though you don’t live under his roof I bet that he’ll want updates.” 

    The second time I saw that blade. Though today I was very confident that I could disarm him even if words didn’t sway. I was operating on pent-up energy from this morning. I was thinking that I may have to use it on an oncoming assailant, but for now it may have to be Haddock. The blade flicked back. Though his hands were still liable for unwanted contact. 

“Why do you even want to be here? We finished the sources page yesterday.” 

“This whole weekend has been about finding out where you live. I found two places where I know you’ll be at if you choose to start avoiding me. I brought drinks, and my laptop so we could work on the outline. I know you don’t have much of a work ethic, but while you’re working with me for the rest of the month you will have one. This project is getting an A, even if I have to sit in this crappy apartment to do it.”

“The library isn’t ideal for you?” He strode over to a small table with high legs near the hallway to grab a beer bottle. 

“No.” I let my bag sag to the ground. “I prefer a little more noise than the click of keyboards and turning pages. 

“You really want to be stuck working here where there’s the occasional scream and a constant unpleasant smell?” He took a swig.

“I’ll come to tolerate it, as you must have had to do.”

“And you just had to do this with me sitting next to you to get this done? You know, most of our classmates are literally in different parts of town not even planning to get together this entire month.”

“You chose to be babysat like a child Haddock. Me being here or at your work is my insurance.”

“It’s your funeral.”

“Great. So, you going to give me a tour before we get started?” 

He rolled his eyes. “Let’s just get this shit over with.” 

“Get your laptop so we can work on it.”

    He only needed to spare a single glance my way before I realized what he was about to say. This truly was a crappy situation he lived in.

“You don’t have a laptop.” 

“Yeah. And you’re going to need to use your hotspot on your phone if ya got one. No internet either.”

“I see why you never get any schoolwork done.” 

“That’s,” He took another swig, “another reason entirely Hofferson.” And he collapsed to the couch. 

    I knelt down and pulled out my laptop. It was a major inconvenience, but if I left now how much of a coward would I look like? If I were Tuffnut or Heather, I would have already left. As a joke, I told myself that Hiccup should have lead with that and then I probably wouldn’t have even crossed the threshold. I slid out my laptopwith a sea blue case and slid it onto the coffee table. 

“Do you at least have an outlet in case I need to charge anything?”

“Right under there.” He pointed at the high table. 

As I glanced over, I saw that one of the legs had cracked and was being held together by some tightly wound layers of duct tape. But sure enough, there was an outlet. Even if the plastic itself was broken and some parts missing, thus exposing the wiring beneath. 

“How can you live like this?” I couldn’t help but say as I sat at the other end of the couch. 

He looked around, exaggerating the movement as if looking at his apartment for the first time.

“There’s worse places to live.” He merely said.

“A smaller place than this?” I opened the device.

“Living on the streets.” He commented as he took a long gulp of the beer.

    I didn’t know what I was more uncomfortable with, seeing Hiccup drinking alcohol or him smoking cigarettes. I knew that there were laws prohibiting minors from purchasing alcohol or products with nicotine. Left to deduce that someone was providing him with this stuff that was destroying his body. Someone was in a way pushing him to continue these bad habits. Gobber would have to know who it was. He worked with him, seemed to know a lot about Hiccup’s life. If he wasn’t keen to share, then maybe his godfather was. I opened the outline, seeing the empty lines before me. But in the next doc, would be where we could fill this in.

    His couch was too small. I’ll say this much. If I had the nerve to tell Heather the entirety of my weekend adventure she’d be really suspicious of this scenario. The couch could seat three people, only if they were skinny and knew how to respect space. Now that wasn’t to say that Hiccup was coming on to me. I say it in a way of explaining how the saggy cushion I was stuck sitting on seemed to shift me little by little toward him. For his one day off, he truly did dress casual. He wore a thin burgundy sweatshirt and black jeans, part of the belt coming free of the loops. Sitting this close, sharing the laptop between us, I could see that his left ear was adorned with four helix piercings, all silver circlets trailing down the top part of his ear. 

    He smelled vaguely of smoke, and the occasional sentence would deliver the stench of beer. His eyes only strayed from the screen when he’d lean over and pick up his beer bottle. It was, disconcerting to see him like this. I’d seen my parents drink occasionally, but they’d always been careful not to do it in front of me. Sometimes a margarita accompanying a dinner, or them having some wine when celebrating. But seeing one of my own classmates, someone my age, smoking and drinking without a care, made me give him some scrutinizing stares. Although I couldn’t tell him to refrain from doing either while I was in his home. I was the one who had been so determined to stay.

“No, I don’t think we should put that there. It’d fit better for the counter-argument.” His finger pointed at a line.

“But it supports the topic sentence.”

“If we try to give an analysis on this it’ll contradict the statement we’re trying to make.”

    I copied the line and pasted it in its proper spot. We were using the sources he had found at the current moment, but we’d made small progress on the outline. One journal Hiccup had typed in was at least thirty pages long, and it had taken a while to navigate through all of the pages bearing statistics. He’d suggested that maybe we search for another, but I told him we could use this for the presentation. If we came to some kind of understanding of the lingo used over the next few weeks. 

“Do you have a restroom?” I asked. 

[slothgiirl]

shadowplay ch 4

You finally go grocery shopping after work on friday, grabbing plenty of bread and fruit and mostly yogurt that doubles as both breakfast and a snack and some beans while your at it. Nothing like homemade beans.

This part of adulthood was awful, not just working but actually having to come home and do things. You better understood why your mum and dad got annoyed when they got home and you still hadn't done the dishes.

You think of texting Alex this but think better of it. You weren't quite friends. So you send a text to Sam instead.

Her succinct reply is grow up babes.

You'd last seen her an hour ago during work and she'd gone to get drinks with Matt and Vy but you'd been an adult and gone to get groceries.

And then you get home and eat toast with jam and one of the apples you got. Hardly an actual meal.

Your phone buzzes. Alex <3 flashing on the lock screen. want 2 gt drinks. Which is so unAlex you immediately call him.  

"Who are you and what have you done to Alex," you joke and hope he picks up on it. Maybe he was right about calling being better after all. Not that you'd ever tell him that. He'd be unbearably smug.

"Love," he answers with a laugh, "just Zack here thinking he was being funneh. But the offer still stands if your up for it? I know works been busy." It was nice of him to give me an easy out. But staying in on a Friday night was terribly depressing.

"Where?"

You take the tube over to a more fashionable area of east london, over in Hackney. The bars themed like a seventies magazine interpretation of a living room, playing early Bowie.

Alex greets you with a kiss on your mouth, soft and lingering just enough that you feel off kilter, unable to hide the stiffness in your shoulders. Here where everyone can see.

And then your taking a seat and shaking Zack's hand. Alex ordering you a cranberry vodka. The same drink you'd been buying since you realized beer was gross. "Working on some stuff here in London," he shrugs.

"Still quite offended you didn't ask to stay at mine," Alex pouts, clearly on his way to drunk, hand resting on your tigh. You can't not be hyperaware of his touch, electric against your skin.

"I did think of you," Zack protests, "but Allison, my old roommate asked first and I said yes. Besides man you like dropped off the face of the earth. Holed up."

"I like to decompress," he states, sipping at his beer. "And this one here has me flying back."

You snort, "well you offer," you lie because you refuse to be a fake bitch. If this is all fake, then your going to be the fake version of yourself you teenage self would've been proud of. "And I'm not going to say no Al!"

Alex smiles boyishly charming, and really does anyone buy his cool guy act when he's so obviously a sweetheart. You can imagine him going out of his way to help an old lady carry her bags upstairs.

"Ahh," Zack laughs, "and he said he didn't want to bhover you," he finishes in a terrible cockney accent. Americans. "This is exactly why Miles and Matt didn't invite you on our little getaway we have coming up."

Suddenly alert, Alex goes, "what! What trip!"

Zack giggles. "Just a little boys trip. Breanna was going to go but she said it'd be too much testosterone for her to stomach alone."

"And I wasn't invited?"

"Guess you were too busy," Zack says smugly. Before turning to you, "Forgive me for texting you under false pretenses but it's Alex. Gotta get things out of him somehow."

"Really," you wonder out loud, "I've never had any trouble with that. He just rambles a bunch."

"Oi," Alex protests, looking faux betrayed at you, like a puppy when you refuse to give them more treats, "you going with them?"]

Zack nods. "I'm guessing you know about the bands?"

"I do," you reply, finishing your drink and feeling the drunk giddyness bubble up in you, Alex's hand on your tigh warm as he rubs circles into your skin. It had been brilliant of you to change into a mini skirt that had survived many a trips to the club. "Which one are you in?"

"The last shadow puppets though it's really Alex's and Miles' baby." You make a note to listen to some songs.

You turn to Alex, catching him staring at you with the dreaminess of the blissfully drunk, face flushed, "Have a favorite child?"

He shakes his head, "that's comparing apples to oranges darling."

"Least you could do," you tease him, exciting laughter out of him.

"You guys should both come though," Zack offers, "bet Breanna would come then and that would make Helders happy as fuck!"

"When's the trip," you ask, curious though by then this will be over. Maybe you and Alex can be amicable fake exes. You'd never managed to stay friends with any past lovers. But that was because a) you lived in different places and drifted apart and b) they were assholes though that was only really your last boyfriend.

"In two months. We've rented a cabin in Northern California. There's a lake. It looks sick."

You look at Alex and hope he's not too drunk to say something plausible, smiling in amusement as he taps in tune with the beat to the music playing. You would recognize Donna Summer anywhere.

"I don't know mate," Alex shrugs, looking over at you, his eyes meeting yours, trying to gauge your response, "probably can't get work off with this late of a notice?"

That wasn't true at all. And you had so many saved up vacation days apart from the mandatory ones. But it was nice that Alex had already found an excuse. "I'll have to see," you add, making sure to look adoringly at Alex, not a hard thing to do, it was much harder to keep a straight face, to keep from laughing when you felt so light and bubbly after a few drinks, his leg bumping into yours as he taps the beat playing, like you were heartbroken over the idea of not being able to go with him and his friends.

"Just let me or the boys know," Zack tells you both. "Breanna would probably love too come if she wasn't the only girl." Then orders a round and you all proceed to get comfortably drunk.

Zack telling you all about his touring misadventures and a memorable skinny dipping adventure where the band had forgotten where they'd hidden their clothes. Alex chiming in about his and Matt's adventure to procure weed "or something with a bit more of a kick," in the early days and spending one hundred dollars on bunk acid.

"Fooking wankers," he mutters.

"In college someone got some prerolled joints and a bunch of us were all psyched to go smoke it after school," you tell the boys, blushing at the memory of your dumb antics, "all nerdy kids who did not know how to roll a joint and we forgot to get a lighter."

"No fooking way love," Alex laughs in delight. "I would've rolled you the best joint."

You wrinkle your nose, "I prefer edibles if I'm being honest. Or shrooms. Did you see how microdosing blew up all of a sudden?"

Zack slaps the table, "and among moms of all people!"

"Mums be getting lit!"

You offer to go order the next round, two more beers and a cranberry vodka. Asking politely if there wasn't a strokes song that would fit into the theme.

The man behind the bar hands you the drinks and waves you off with, "drag queen works."

The song starts as you get back to the table, placing the drinks down.

"The strokes," Alex drunkenly proclaims, "what kind of witchcraft 'ave you done love?" He pulls you close against him before kissing you madly, tasting of beer and tobacco against your mouth, not a hit of pretending about it, as you stiffen in his arms in surprise before melting against his touch not even a second layer.

To your surprise, instead of feeling relief when he pulls away, singing along with Zack who also knows the words, it's a sharp yearning, the sudden prick of a needle in your finger. It's stupid. You're being stupid.

Alex would've never given you a second glance if it hadn't been for Arielle. And why would he when he went around dating girls like Arielle, models who were sweet on top of being insanely beautiful.  

And now you just want to go home.

Instead you laugh it off, "I just asked nicely Al. Works wonders."

Zack snorts, "their new stuff is so underrated."

"It is," Alex cries out.

"Oh my god you are drunk!"

"And happy! I'm so happy you came love! I wasn't sure you would."

"Only for you Alex." Which is true in more ways than one. You doubt you would have agreed to all this with just anyone. No. Alex was special. Enough charisma to charm the whole world.

He leans into kiss you again, with the same hunger as before and reluctantly you pull away, still unsure about that thrum of want running through your veins and what to do about it. Now was not the time to figure that out. "Time to go home," you suggest and hope Zack goes his own way. As funny as he's been, you need a cold shower and to remind Al he's not actually dating you.

Alex nods eagerly, sliding cash on the table and waving a hastily goodbye to Zack.

He flags a cab down for you both and gives the driver your address, his arms still wrapped around your shoulders, holding you close to him. It's too much. He's just drunk. And you don't want to do anything stupid with him. Not with the lie. You'd much rather be good friends at the end of all this.

"Al," you protest, slipping out of his hold as he goes in to press another kiss to your lips, "no."

He looks like a kicked puppy, wide eyes and pouty lips, but doesn't make another move, gaze focused on you with an embarrassing amount of earnestness.

"You can't-," you start, "you can't have things both ways. And we agreed. There's lines."

With obvious reluctance he nods, "sorry love," he slurs, slumping in his seat, looking out the window of the cab.

"It's okay," you tell him, because who hasn't been drunk and made bad decisions, settling down next to him again. The heat of his body doing wonders to take the edge off.

It's just Alex.

You both come up into your flat.

"You sure it's alright," Alex slurs, wavering in the doorway looking as unsure as you feel, "I'll be fine at home."

"I'll sleep a lot better knowing your fine," you tell him, "come on rockstar," and drag him in. He's drunk. And you care about him too much to just let him go off on his own.

You both collapse into your bed, fourteen minutes past three in the morning. "I haven't been out so late in ages," you tell him. "My ex, Tom, he always said it was because I'm not fun." It had made you feel like shit but having just gotten your job, you had worked hectic hours and as the newbie you hadn't been in a position to ask for whatever schedule suited you best. And after a long day at work, going out was not something you wanted when you were home.

"You're loads of fun love," Alex whispers back, taking your hand in his, rubbing circles into the back of your hand with his thumb, "I always have a hell of a time when I'm with you. That's what matters. Not snorting a few rails of coke though that can be fun too."

"I've only ever done shrooms and that was in Amsterdam. In the tulip fields."

"Rockstar love. I've got you beat."

You roll your eyes, "what happened to not wanting to sound like a bloody twat?"

Alex laughs, sending heat down your spine. It makes you glad for the obscurity the dark lends, making you a mere outline when you feel like a burning star.

It doesn't take long for you to fall asleep once you lapse into comfortable silence.

Alex is gone by the time you wake up. A glass of water on your bedside table thoughtfully left by him.

[galadrieljones]

that he may hold me by the hand: chapter 2

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Albert Mason  

Rating: Mature (Adult Themes, Violence, and Sexual Content)

Summary: After saving Albert from stumbling off a cliff in the Heartlands, Arthur invites him to Valentine for a drink. What ensues after that is a quiet love story, in which both men find themselves completely undone.

Masterpost | AO3 | Epigraph

Chapter 2: We don’t have to talk.

Arthur showed up to Strawberry a couple of days early. He played a bunch of blackjack in the speakeasy and won the pot so many times he began to piss people off. He knew how to cheat and calculate cards. He never made for sleight of hand anymore, though he used to. He chewed on coccaine gum at the speakeasy counter on the night before he was set to meet Albert and struck up conversation with a widow who boarded in an apartment in town. Her name was Wanda Eugene, and she had once been married to a rustler named Cody and claimed to have lived in Texas for most of her life.

“I ain’t met a lot of women married to rustlers no more,” said Arthur.

“Well, he’s dead,” said Wanda. “So.”

They were drinking whiskey. “You miss Texas?”

“Most days.”

“What’s keeping you from going back?”

She had wide, tired eyes, but she was mild-looking. Pretty in a plain sort of way. She was probably about Arthur’s age with a tight braid down her back and wearing blue jeans. She said that she could not go back to Texas. She said that every time she even thought about going back, she was met with nightmares of the way her late husband had died. “Shot by a Ranger,” she said. “Three times in the back. They thought he was somebody else. Fucking two-bit assholes.”

“Jesus Christ,” said Arthur.

“Jesus was not there that day, I can assure you. I hate lawmen. I wish they’d all die.”

She openly asked him to spend the night with her then. She said he seemed big and rough, and she missed that sort of man. She was sick of the soft-handed. Arthur found himself oddly flattered. “I ain’t much for temptation, Mrs. Eugene. If I was, you might just be it.”

“Is that a No then?”

“It is.”

She sighed. “Good grief. I’m just so goddam lonely. I’m starting to forget what it is to feel.” She finished her whiskey and ordered another from the bartender who was missing a front tooth. “One for my friend here, too,” she said.

Arthur knew the feeling of which she spoke. He missed the human body. He often wished he still got the inclination to sleep with strangers. And when it came to working girls, he had lost his interest. He felt beyond their wiles, as he could tell that they were all so deadened to touch, they hardly noticed their own needs, and this was not what he wanted. He just wanted something warm, something that would react to him. For a moment, he reconsidered her offer, but ultimately, he just smiled.

“You got a wife, I bet,” she said.

“Yes, ma’am,” he lied. It was easier to lie.

The next day, Arthur woke up late with a headache. He had some oatmeal in the lounge. The proprietor of the hotel in Strawberry was annoying. He spoke regularly of the town as if it were the center of the universe. Arthur wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up and take a vacation. But he didn’t.

He waited and read the newspaper. The front page went on about Valentine and all that had gone down there. SHOOTOUT IN VALENTINE. A whole lot of shit. Arthur sighed, folded the paper in half and set it away. He wore his hat and sat in a chair by the window and smoked, thinking of anything else. People went in and out of the door. He didn’t see Wanda again.

Albert arrived about half-past noon, looking dead beat and like hadn’t slept in days.

“Mr. Mason,” said Arthur, rising to meet him.

Albert sneezed and refused a hand shake.

“What’s going on?” said Arthur. “You sick?”

“I am,” said Albert, blowing his nose into a handkerchief. “I caught a terrible cold a few days back. Truth be told, I thought it would have subsided by now.”

“That ain’t no good.”

“No sir. However, it is good to see you.” He straightened up and removed his hat. He smiled, his kind eyes. He didn’t look so bad upon further inspection. A little puffy maybe.

“It’s good to see you, too,” said Arthur. He took Albert’s bag, told him to take a seat. “You know, we can postpone our journey, if you wanna rest up a bit.”

“No, no,” said Albert. “I’d prefer not to. I’ve been looking forward to this.”

“As have I, but I don’t want you to get any sicker.”

“You are a true gentleman, Arthur. But I assure you, I’ll be fine.”

They left about an hour later, packed up their horses and rode northwest. Albert sneezed most of the way but kept up. He was a better rider than Arthur had realized. It was easy to underestimate him. He made a mental note not to do that anymore.

They followed the river. When they got to the heart of Big Valley, Albert slowed his horse and shouted for Arthur to hold up a second. They were in the middle of a huge, purple field of lavender. The breeze was coming through, rustling the plants. There was a flock of sheep nearby, and a young man shepherd on horseback. Whitetail everywhere. “My lord,” said Albert. He got off of his horse, took a few steps and looked around. “Do you see all this?”

“Yes, sir,” said Arthur. He leaned forward to pat Amelia on the main. “It sure is majestic. I knew you’d like it.”

“Like it?” said Albert. “It’s magnificent.” He looked at Arthur, serious, no longer sneezing, just full of reverence. “Thank you for taking me here. I’ve already forgotten why we’ve come, but I am quite certain I never want to leave. It is truly Arcadia.”

Arthur smiled, very pleased. He dusted his hands together and hopped right off his horse. “To find the bear, we gotta go out to the edges of the valley,” he said. “It’s a little more dangerous out there. Kind of barbed territory. There’s cougar and boar. It ain’t friendly. But here, here I reckon we’re pretty safe.”

“If you say so,” said Albert. “I’d like to get a few shots of all this, if you don’t mind. The fields. They smell so darn good. I wish I could capture that in a photo.”

“Only way to do that is in writing, I expect.”

“Absolutely,” said Albert. Then, “Do you write, Arthur?”

The question took Arthur by surprise. He glanced up to the sky. A couple of sparrows took off, whipping up out of the foliage. “Sometimes,” he said. He hooked his hands over his belt in a casual fashion. “I have been known to write a little.”

Albert smiled. “I should like to read it someday, your writing.”

“Oh, no,” said Arthur. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“It’s a journal,” said Arthur. “It’s just ramblings. Sketches here and there. It ain’t really intended for an audience.”

“You’re an artist?”

He blushed. “Well, I—”

“Say no more,” said Albert, still effusive but seeming to catch his drift. “I’ll quit prying.”

“That’s okay.”

Albert assembled his camera, his tripod. He took many pictures of the fields. He took pictures of the sheep and the shepherd, the little dog with two different colored eyes that herded the sheep. Arthur watched. He ate a can of strawberries with a little tin spoon, smoked four cigarettes. He and Albert talked of stuff he would later forget about, idle things. Arthur managed to get a few sketches in—one of the dog, one of Albert photographing the dog. They fed the horses and before long, the sun was losing steam and the light growing long and lost across the valley. The bubbling streams filled with herbivores, coming to drink. Albert put away his camera with the loss of the light, and with this, it was too late to go looking for bear. They decided to make camp.

They washed their faces in the creek, set up a couple tents. Arthur caught a fish for their dinner while Albert sat by the fire, rolling cigarettes. He had a particular talent for this. His tobacco product was very neat and looked expensive.

Arthur cleaned and cooked the fish. After dinner, he poured some whiskey into a flask, and night fell. They sat, warming themselves by the fire. Albert gave him one of the cigarettes, struck a match, lit it, and then lit his own. Albert’s cold seemed to be clearing with the fresh air, but now it was getting chilly, and he had grown tired. Arthur rolled some more cigarettes. His were looser than Albert’s, not quite as meticulously sealed.

They sat and smoked for a while, existing. Arthur had a flask of whiskey, which they began to pass. At some point, Albert cleared his throat and sat up to speak. “So, Arthur.”

“Yes, sir.”

“How has everything been going, since I saw you last?”

Arthur glanced at him. He plucked a big old piece of grass from the earth, the cigarette hitched to the corner of his mouth. “Fine,” he said. “Just fine.”

“Are you still living in the Heartlands?”

“No,” he said, shredding that piece of grass between his fingers.

“Oh?” said Albert. “Where have you moved?”

“Further south,” said Arthur, laying the pieces of grass side by side. “Near a big old lake.”

“Flat Iron Lake?”

“That might be the one.”

“Good fishing, or so I hear.”

“That, it is.”

The fire crackled and sparked. It was like molten lava. Albert smoked and blew the smoke and flicked the ashes to the earth. He could tell that Arthur didn’t really want to talk about it. His head was a little stuffy. He blinked, took a drag.

“How you feeling?” said Arthur. “Your cold.”

“Better,” said Albert. “A little tired, but no worse for the wear.”

Arthur picked up a pebble then, tossed it into the fire. Albert took a drink from the flask and watched as Arthur picked up another pebble, held it in his palm, and then he absentmindedly closed it in his fist. He turned his fist over, sort of shook it, and when he opened his hand again, the pebble was gone. It was a marvelous surprise.

Albert laughed and set the flask down between them. “You know magic?”

Arthur seemed to have surprised himself. “A little,” he said, smiling. “I learned sleight of hand when I was kid, for cheating cards. My dad taught me, before he died. And I know a magician, too. He’s taught me a couple of things here and there. We’ve traded tricks over the years.”

“Your father, what did he do?”

“Rob banks mostly.”

“I see.”

“Anyway,” said Arthur.

“I must say,” said Albert. “I’m impressed. Is there anything you can’t do?”

Arthur turned red—like a fast, hot streak in which he seemed to vibrate, but only for a moment. “You flatter me.”

“Maybe you can show me how to do that. It’s a great parlor trick.”

“Do you hang out in many parlors, Albert?”

Albert found this to be funny. He laughed. “Oh, no. Not anymore. Perhaps a long time ago. Back in Pennsylvania, when I was a teenager. But I’ve done with all that.”

"All what.”

“The social circus. What have you.”

“Ah.”

“My interest in photography came about precisely so that I could have an excuse to get out of the house. I suppose that it took, though I am quite dreadful. Still, I try. I enjoy it a great deal.”

“You’re not dreadful, Albert. Quit talking about yourself that way.”

Albert knew that he was right. He was gratified. He took another drink from the flask, passed it. Arthur was a big man beside him. He’d never really sat next to him before. He was taller than Albert, though not a great deal—just enough, and his width, his wingspan, it could intimidate. Albert was not intimidated. He looked down, finished his cigarette, tossed it into the fire. The air was cold, and he shifted toward Arthur a little, almost absentmindedly.

“Hey,” said Arthur after a little while, swigging from the flask.

Albert jumped. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I was just gonna ask, how did that meeting go with the gallery owner?”

“Oh,” said Albert, scratching at his beard a little. “It went well. Thank you for asking. I have another meeting in a few weeks. I’ve promised more material. From the Big Valley, of course.”

“That’s real good, I expect?”

“Yes, sir. It is.”

Arthur stared at him. He seemed a little sad, but it was way in the back somewhere. He took a drink of his whiskey and then looked back at the fire. “Good.”

“Arthur,” said Albert.

“Yep.”

“Thank you for taking me here,” he said. Arthur looked back, genuine. “I’m very fond of the terrain.” Albert took a deep breath. “I’m fond of you. I’m glad you’re with me.”

Arthur looked down at his hands. “Yeah, me, too,” he said, then he looked up and smiled, warm. He had little scars on his face. They were like little pieces taken away, or dents. Here and there. His hands were big and worn. Albert watched as he reached into his front pocket, took out a couple more cigarettes. He held one out for Albert. Albert took it. Their fingers touched. Something kicked up between them, but it was momentary.

“I think I’ll save this.” Albert smiled. “For now, I should be off to sleep. I’m still under the weather. I’d like to be fresh for tomorrow.”

“Good idea,” said Arthur, lighting the cigarette. “I’m gonna keep watch, just for a little while. There’s cougars around here. Sometimes they’re drawn to the smell of a campfire.”

Albert stood up, dusted off his pants. “It’s chilly,” he said. “Don’t stay up too late, and be careful.”

“Don’t worry about me. You get some sleep now, Mr. Mason.”

“Goodnight, Arthur,” said Albert.

“Goodnight.”

Back in his tent, Albert removed his boots and his hat. He scrubbed his scalp a little. He smoothed his beard, looked down at his fingers where he held the cigarette. Then he tucked it into the band of his hat. He lay back and closed his eyes. He could smell the smoke from Arthur’s cigarette, coming in through the tent flaps. Arthur’s tobacco was fresh and cut with a little bit of sweetness. He couldn’t tell what, but he could tell that Arthur had dried and treated it himself. It was not store-bought. Albert felt disoriented all of a sudden, like he was coming apart a little. He turned onto his side to go to sleep.

Meanwhile, Arthur fell asleep next to the fire, hardened into the dirt as a root. He hadn’t meant to drift, but the night was peaceful, and he’d got woozy from the booze and it made his eyes droop. He rarely dreamed in those days. It was almost as if he was too locked down, too unwilling to look behind the curtain of his own subconscious, for fear of what he might find there. But that night, he had a dream. It was a very simple dream. He dreamed that a pretty buck had come down into the valley while he slept. The sky was a cold and lonely mountain, far away, and he was beneath it, waiting. The buck had twelve points. It entered the moonlight, emerging from a shallow den of trees on the edge of the lavender field. He wanted badly to sketch it, but he knew that he was sleeping, and it would be gone by the time he woke. He dreamed that the buck came over to sniff around the campfire. It sniffed around his face. Its cold nose was on his ear. He tried to make sense of the feeling. He awoke.

What he awoke to was nothing so peaceful. He felt that cold touch on his ear, but it was no buck. It was the mouth of a gun, pressing on his face. It was nudging him into consciousness.

“It’s him,” said a voice.

Arthur opened his eyes. It was dawn. He saw a young man—maybe twenty-four or twenty-five years old—a ruffian with missing teeth in the front wearing a long black coat. He looked serious. He was holding a shotgun to Arthur’s head.

Arthur felt the adrenaline, sucking into his chest and yanking him from the dream. Like being plunged into ice cold water, and it near on made him nauseous. He eased his hands over his head, turned onto his back. “Easy,” he said. “Easy, boy.”

“Shoot him,” said another voice.

“Colm said bring him to Hanging Dog alive,” said the boy.

Arthur was suddenly terrified. He glanced to the tent. He saw that it had been roughed up. Then he saw the other guy—he had Albert by the throat with a pistol to the head, and Albert looked white with fear and a little queasy. He was ragged, unnatural with his hands up like that. It triggered something in Arthur. He initially made to lunge, but he caught a boot to the gut for that, sending him to his side curled up like a goddam snail. The sound he’d made was ugly. He felt bludgeoned with regret, as he knew what he was going to have to do. “You’re making a mistake,” he said.

“You’re coming with us,” said the boy. “You go quiet, and we’ll let your friend here live.”

“Yeah, I don’t really believe you.”

“Arthur?” said Albert. “Arthur, are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” said Arthur. “Try not to talk too much, Mr. Mason.”

“If you say so.”

“Get up,” said the boy, nudging Arthur with the gun.

“You nudge me with that gun one more time, boy, things ain’t gonna pan out too smooth for you in the end.”

“Get up.” He nudged him again, this time too hard.

It went by in an instant after that. Arthur was fast when he wanted to be, ruthless. He grabbed the barrel of the gun with both hands, shoved it up, hard, cracking straight into the kid’s dumbass face. It sort of exploded on impact, his nose neatly broken as he stumbled backward, allowing Arthur to usurp the weapon and shove the boy into the dirt and shoot him dead. Arthur then pointed the gun at the second man, the one who had Albert. He was a young man as well, even younger by the looks of it, and Arthur felt terrible inside, like he was looking in a mirror. “Let him go, or I do you up, too,” he said.

The boy sent Albert forward to his hands and knees with little hesitation. Then he stared at Arthur in abject horror for a moment before picking up and running as fast as he could in the other direction. Arthur lowered the gun, let him go. He went to Albert who coughed and beat his fists into the dirt a couple times. He seemed to have got the wind knocked out of him. Arthur hauled him to his feet and steadied him hard. “You okay?” he said, dusting off his vest. “Albert? Talk to me.”

Albert was out of breath, his shirt untucked but he did have his boots on. “Good heavens,” he said. He lurched forward a little with his hands on his knees. “Is that man dead?”

Arthur patted him on the back. “I’m afraid he is. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Better him than me.”

“They ambush you in your tent or something?”

“No,” said Albert, popping up now, wiping his face with the yellow handkerchief from his pocket. “I went down to the creek, to get some water. They ambushed me there.” He sneezed.

“You went down to the creek alone?”

“I thought I could handle a few whitetail,” he said. “Those men showed up, asked me who you were. I wouldn’t tell them, so the one grabbed me, dragged me back here, and then the next thing you know, you’re shooting people, and my entire life is flashing before my eyes.” He sneezed again.

Arthur straightened up and sighed. “Bless you.”

“Thank you,” said Albert. He took a deep breath. “Boy I’ve got some luck, don’t I.”

“Don’t blame yourself,” said Arthur. “But we do need to get the hell out of here.”

“I couldn’t agree more. You know, I think the shots I got yesterday, of the lavender fields and the herd of sheep, those are better than anything I’ve gotten so far? No black bear, but bears be damned. I’m through with predators.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I am.” He turned to Arthur then, slowly, finally catching his breath. “Thank you. For saving me.”

“Of course. I wasn’t gonna let them kill you,” said Arthur. “And I sure as hell wasn’t going with them.”

“Did you know who they were?”

“Not really,” said Arthur, scratching his head. He looked around, making sure nobody else was coming up the horizon. “I mean—I know there’s rough stuff around these parts. I should’ve been more careful. I thought we was safe.”

“With you, I am always safe,” said Albert. “I just wish I were a little more aware of my surroundings. It’s always been a problem for me. As you well know. When I was a boy, my father used to shout at me to get my head out of the clouds. Told me to quit chasing the damned butterflies. That was before the cholera got him, of course.”

Arthur threw the shotgun over his shoulder by the strap, studied Albert. “Cholera, huh?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Well, don’t be too down on yourself. You held your own back there.”

“I beg your pardon.”

“You didn’t give in to those men. That’s very brave.”

Albert smiled in spite of himself. Then, he stumbled forward, just a little. Arthur caught him by the shoulders. “My word,” said Albert. “I guess I’m still a little dizzy.”

“Just try to breathe. In through your nose, out your mouth.”

“You’re kind, Mr. Morgan.”

Arthur cleared his throat. “I ain’t kind, Mr. Mason.”

“Well, to me, you are kind.” Albert smiled and took a deep breath. He seemed to blink many times as if to acclimate his vision. “Now, if you don’t mind, let’s please go.”

They packed up their camp, stowed the bedrolls and the tents and all of their earthly goods upon their horses. Arthur let Albert hang onto the canteen. They then mounted up and began riding back toward Strawberry at a pleasant trot. Arthur did not think about how that man he had killed back there, the man trying to abduct him, was an O'Driscoll. He tossed Albert an apple and then shined one up for himself.

“What are your plans now?” said Arthur as they came around the curve. The rocks, the terrain in these parts was beautiful, but treacherous. “You heading back right away?”

“I thought I’d stay the night at the hotel,” said Albert. “Take the train back to St. Denis in the morning.”

“Sounds good,” said Arthur. “Maybe I’ll go with you.”

“Oh?”

“Sure,” he said, biting into that apple. “Where I’m camped, on Flat Iron Lake, it ain’t far from Rhodes.”

“Rhodes?” said Albert. “My, what a dreadful little town.”

“You’re telling me.”

“You know I stopped through there once,” said Albert, “just looking for a drink at the parlor house they've got. Four different men asked me where I stood on the War of Northern Aggression. Of course, they were all neanderthals, and far be it from me to correct them on the fact that it’s 1899. I thought I’d keep my front teeth.”

Arthur laughed out loud at this, tossed the apple core to the weeds. “You still make me laugh, Mr. Mason, the way you talk sometimes.”

“Well,” said Albert, a little bashful for this. He trotted up alongside him. “I certainly do try.”

[eldritchsurveys]

498.

when’s the last time you ate a pickle? >> About a week ago? what’s that you’re listening to? >> Nothing. For once, it’s relatively quiet outside, and I’m enjoying it (because I bet it won’t last). was the last thing you drank a coke or pepsi product? >> No, it was water. how many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears? >> Only my earlobes are pierced. I used to have my upper cartilage pierced, but that’s closed up now. what are your pets names? >> ---

do you need to take a smoke break right now? >> No. have you ever had a pet bird? >> No. honestly, do you think that you’re going to be an overprotective parent? >> I think that in the unlikely event that I was a parent, I would not be overprotective. My problem would be in being too lax, not too strict. what was the last kind of chips you ate? >> Kettle brand salt and pepper chips. tell me the birthdates of everyone in your top friends. >> --- would you rather have ice cream, freeze pops, or popsicles in the summer? >> Ice cream, I guess. But really I’d rather not have any of the above. what kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? >> Can Calah is... I don’t know what I’d call him. But he’s very important to me. have you ever told a stranger that their barn door was open? >> Not in those particular words, lmao, but maybe. I don’t know about a stranger, but I know I’ve told people I know. what color are your toenails right now? >> --- when was the last time you clipped your nails? >> A few weeks ago, probably. does your mouse have a wheel to scroll with? >> Yeah. what is your biggest accomplishment in life? >> --- what is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? >> I don’t think a lack of understanding is really my problem with most things. I think it’s a lack of... knowing how to fix things that have gone wrong. With me, I mean.  what were your grades on the last report card you recieved? >> --- what temperature do you like to keep your room at? >> I like it to be cool, especially when I’m sleeping. what’s your favorite department in lowes? >> --- what is the brightest object you can see by just looking around the room? >> Like, brightly-coloured? There’s a hot pink folding chair in the corner. have you ever been tutored or tutored someone yourself? >> No. would you rather wear necklaces, bracelets, rings, or earrings? >> All except bracelets. pretty, bright, fake jewelry or boring, plain, real jewelry? >> I prefer pretty, bright, real jewelry. I don’t want it to be poor quality, but I also want it to be fun to wear... where did you recieve your last receipt from? >> The farm market down the road. what was the last thing you said outloud (singing doesn’t count)? >> I don’t remember. is everything you have on actually yours? >> Yeah. when was the last time you wore a band-aid and why? >> I got a band-aid when I got my flu shot. do you like ketchup or mustard better with your corn dogs? >> --- do you ever just randomly drive around when you’re upset about something? >> I don’t drive. you look at the clock and it’s 4:44 PM, what do you do? >> Nothing. a trip to california, the bahamas, new york, wisconsin, utah, or canada? >> California, maybe. what would you do if you discovered that you had a 7 year old kid? >> --- moon sand or play doh? >> I don’t know what moon sand is but I’m intrigued... what was the last act of creativity you displayed? >> Probably the last ficlet I wrote. Whenever that was. do you like the way your hair looks right now? >> It’s fine. do you ever find yourself just writing/typing out your feelings? >> I do that in my journal when I... can convince myself to instead of stuffing the feelings away like usual. if so, does that make you feel better? >> I don’t know. I really don’t. who’s house were you at last, besides your own? >> Sparrow’s parents’. any big plans for this summer? >> It’s over. are you missing school yet? >> I will never miss school lmao play guitar, drums, keytar, xbox, sims, sing, or take a dance class? >> Play Guitar Hero >:) ...or take a dance class, that sounds like it could be fun. what’s your favorite department in wal-mart? >> I don’t have one. But my favourite departments in big-box stores in general tend to be any holiday departments. have/would you ever run track? >> I ran a bit when I was in school. do you honestly believe that someone will waste their time reading this? >> I mean, it’s possible. I read some people’s surveys, so it’s statistically probable that someone out there might like reading mine. do you like your teeth? >> They’re fine. the last male that you texted just confessed his undying love for you do you still speak to him? >> --- are you in a hurry to grow up? >> --- who was the last person you were in a vehicle with other than family? >> Sparrow. does piano music tend to calm you down? >> I mean, it probably wouldn’t hurt. do a 180, then turn back around and tell me what you saw. >> Dude, I’m in my bed, I’m not doing this. do you actually pay attention to the lyrics in a song before you add it? >> No. If I like the way it sounds, that’s good enough for me. Interesting lyrics are icing on the cake. how many people can you think of that you know named christopher? >> One. how far away are the people you miss most? >> --- what’s something you need to get done soon? >> I need to finish the playlist for the reception. I bet that I’ll get there and they’ll have some other music to play and have completely forgotten (or overlooked) that I was going to be making a playlist. Like, that seems irrational, but I’ve gotten so used to assuming that everything in this wedding is out of my control that I wouldn’t be surprised if this too happened.

what is the most repulsing smell you can ever recalling catching a whiff of? >> I’ve smelled a lot of disgusting things, man, I don’t even know where to start. your best friend tells you they’re moving. believe it or think it’s a joke? >> --- who’s pool did you last swim in? >> --- is your best friend awake right now? >> --- are any of your friends or family members out of town right now? >> --- your grandparents just died in a plane crash, what are you doing? >> --- what website did you last visit (and no, myspace doesn’t count on this one) >> I don’t remember. if i came to your house, could i find any kind of chocolate? >> I don’t think so, unless Sparrow has some. do your parents allow smoking in your house? >> --- what size bed do you have? >> Twin. (It’s a small room.) would you rather frolic through a field of daisies, sunflowers, or daffodils? >> Sunflowers! do you remember the last time that you colored a picture and what did you draw? >> I don’t remember. last person you left a voicemail for? >> --- what is the last thing you charged? >> My phone. who was the last person to upload a picture with you in it? >> --- have you ever held a snake? >> I’ve touched one, but not held one. what did you last use tape for? >> Taping my headphones. what was your score last time you bowled? >> I don’t bowl. do you remember your cubby hole number from kindergarten? >> --- do you like peas? >> Yes. is your current status update and mood accurate on what you’re doing? >> --- describe to me the nearest stuffed animal to you. >> So there are six on my bed right now -- Erik the Phantom of the Opera bear, SoftBear (a Valentine’s Day teddy bear that I’d gotten for Sparrow one year), Reese the Build-a-Bear dog, Maturin the Space Turtle, Max the red panda, and Ser Lucien von Otterdam the otter. :> what is the last cd that you listened to in a vehicle? >> --- do you ever wear sleep masks when you sleep or shower caps when you shower? >> No. what would you like to drink right now? >> I’m fine with water. Maybe I’ll make some tea though. zebrah print, cheetah print, cow print, polka dots, or stripes? >> Stripes. when is the last time you ate pudding or yogurt? >> About a month ago. do you like raisins? >> No. do you tend to drink lemonade often? >> Not often. I prefer fresh lemonade to the mass-produced stuff, and that’s harder to find. would you rather go to a beach, and amusement park, or a water park? >> Beach, I guess.

[tenjima-a]

     another bunch of headcanons

     The layout of Avenger’s room depends a lot in which ascension they’re on.

Rustic simplicity: Nobunaga’s room is pretty similar to her Archer version. It encompasses the ‘rustic simplicity’ she talks about and whatever that means... 

Collector: Kipposhi’s room is the messiest one. He’s the one who spends the least time in his room but ends up bringing the things he finds interesting (might or might not belong to someone else) and then forgets about them. It also has a good amount of dismantled guns and other weapons all over the pace.

Extreme minimalism: Demon King’s room is just like them because it’s empty. But they’re the one who spends the most time in their room. The floor of their room is made of tatami simply because in case they invite someone over, that person is comfortable. There also are a few cushions, a smoke pipe, and a tea set... and that’s literally it!

     Important to mention that Avenger rearranges everything whenever they change ascension. And yes, Nobunaga and Kipposhi get annoyed when they see that their stuff is being thrown away. But Demon King doesn’t care, they just throw away everything and proceed to meditate.

     ‘Wait, which one meditates and why?’ All 3 of them meditate, but while Nobunaga and Kipposhi only do so for maybe one or two hours a day, Demon King spends meditating as many hours as what a human does while sleeping. Avenger is a really unstable servant, so much that they’re actually amazed that they can be summoned. This ‘unstableness’ is more prominent in Demon King as they never existed in history. Meditation helps one train attention and awareness and, while achieving a clear mental and emotional state is impossible for them, it does help them sort themselves out (since, you know, having an ever-growing amount of different personalities popping in your head isn’t an easy task).

     ‘What would happen if Demon King stopped meditating or just stopped taking precautions to make their spirit core less unstable?’ It’s been mentioned that Demon King actually is a human-shaped flame, not actually a ‘human’, so their form would literally become unstable: Suddenly alternating between ascensions, showing in other versions of Nobunaga that is neither of the three that show in Chaldea, spontaneous self-combustion (they’re aren’t hurting when that happens, it’s just that they're losing their human shape so they’re just a flame then) and using exorbitant amounts of mana. In other words, it’s good that Avenger cares enough to not drive Chaldea in an emergency state.

     ‘Is there anything that Demon King Nobunaga actually enjoys?’ There are! They might not feel as intensely as others, nor experience pleasure, but there are things they consider enjoyable enough and give them some sort of satisfaction. (Btw I don’t consider the ‘Likes’ lines from Demon King in MyRoom because they seem like they just parroted back what they held in their memory rather than actually mention what they like) These are...

Fulfilling their purpose. Which is killing gods and spreading their hegemony. Though it’s not as if they enjoy killing gods more than other living creatures as they enjoy the suffering of all living creatures equally. It simply that such is their nature and purpose so they experience a sense of satisfaction in doing what they were created for.

Watching human reactions. Feelings, emotions, sensations, and everything that makes humans human. All of them are intensely amusing for the Demon King. This implies a wide range of options and they’re all equally enjoyable for them: fear, anger, sadness, disgust, joy, excitement, pain, pleasure, etc. As long as they get to see something new, they’re pleased. That’s why they tend to propose or get themselves and others involved in high-risk activities and situations. But they’re not always so extreme. Important to mention that while Avenger doesn’t experience empathy nor guilt, they’re aware enough of their situation to know that they shouldn’t do things that might bring actual harm to the ones around them and Chaldea as that would lead to unpleasant consequences. So, rather than pushing a person down the stairs for the hell of it, they would settle for gambling, sex or just seeing others indulge in their vices.

Alcohol. Servants don’t need to eat and Nobunaga rarely bothers with food, but they do like to drink. They can’t taste it nor can get drunk, but alcohol does this cool chemical reaction with fire and Demon King is a literal flame so... you could say it enhances them a bit and put them in a state of contentment, which already is a lot for the Avenger. They prefer alcoholic drinks with a high concentration of alcohol. They could drink 100% alcohol or even kerosene and you can bet they will. Don’t test them. Also, unrelated, but they will also drink tea because it’s an important part of tea ceremonies and tea ceremonies were an activity that Oda Nobunaga liked while alive.

     Wait, there’s a fourth thing demon king actually likes: beautiful people, but how Demon King experiences romantic & sexual attraction and their preferences deserve their own separate posts. But what I thought of so far it’s that (not necessarily in a romantic/sexual sense), in general, they prefer expressive people that wear their heart on their sleeve, respect, loyalty (obedience), ‘cuteness’, openness, and meticulousness. Funnily enough, what they like is the exact opposite of themselves.

[tsarethan]

OTP questions for Bandit and Ghost

Who likes to go on drives to nowhere in particular

Bandit is the one who suggests it more often but they both enjoy it

Who is in charge of the radio or playlist in the car (and what do they play)?

Ghost, no questions asked. He usually puts on those low-fi styled songs as they fit well with late night long drives

Who reaches over to hold the other’s hand

Bandit

Who is more likely to hog the bed

Probably bandit since he’s bigger than Ghost and Ghost sleeps curled up tightly, but they both sleep clinging to each other

Who likes to drink their coffee or tea outside in the mornings

Bandit, cup of black coffee and cigarette is his favourite way to start the day

Who reads the paper or watches the news

Ghost watches the news when it’s on

Who comes home with the weirder work stories

Well they have the same job so they would both have weird work stories, the one that got the best laugh was when Ghost told Bandit about a bomber that was charging down a corridor towards him but tripped and landed on the detonator before they even got close to Ethan. Dominic immediately demanded to see the body cam footage after he calmed down enough to speak

Who takes long baths

Bandit, Ghost would sit on the floor next to the bath and keep him company, run his fingers through Dominic’s hair or hold his hand, since this only really happens when Bandit is having a bad day

Who gives the other a massage when they seem tense

Bandit, Ghost has no idea how to give a massage

Who prefers to kick back with a drink in the evenings

This is like their perfect evening, a good film and some beers in Ethan’s room.

Who stays up too late reading

Ghost, this boy is constantly re-reading the a song of ice and fire series

Who is the deep sleeper

Neither, unless one has taken sleeping tablets they are both very light sleepers

Who is the one who likes to cuddle?

They both do but if it was an option Ethan would cuddle with Dom 24/7

Who has awful taste in music?

Some of the songs Ethan likes are ‘questionable’

Who is the meme lover?

GHOST, but Bandit likes memes as well

How did their second date go?

They’re not the type of people to go on dates so it was probably just going to see a film then getting chippy on the way back to base. They had a good time.

Who hides the weapons?

I’m gonna say Ghost’s knife collection counts so, Ethan

What do their parents think of them dating?

Thatcher was cautious at first, Ethan had been taken advantage of many times in the past and his own failed marriage left him with a cynical view on relationships, but he mostly just kept an eye on them from the side-lines never really confronting Bandit about it. He eventually chilled out when he realised how happy Dominic made Ethan. Bandit hasn’t had contact with any of his family in years so who knows what they would think.

Are they a super sappy couple?

In public? no but when they’re alone they can be pretty sappy

Who stays up too late and makes stupid jokes?

Bandit 100%, once Dominic gets in one of those moods its guaranteed Ethan is getting very little sleep. No matter how hard he tries Ghost ends up laughing his head off even though he’s exhausted and just wants to sleep

Who is the nerd?

Ghost

Who knows the most obscure facts?

Ghost and he loves bothering Bandit with them at 3 in the morning (probably as retaliation for the stupid jokes that kept him awake the other night)

Who makes the other a flower crown?

Ghost, he would probably near die laughing at Dominic’s ‘so done with your shit’ face when he forces it onto his head.

“but Dom you look like a pretty little princess”

cuts to Bandit’s deadpanned face 

Who likes to read?

Ghost, Dom prefers it when Ethan reads out loud to him when they’re laying in bed at the end of a long day

Do they have similar taste in movies?

Somewhat, they both love the classic greats like The Matrix but when it comes to genres Ethan prefers horror while Bandit prefers comedies

Who has better fashion sense?

Ghost but not by much, Bandit just sticks to the ripped jeans and hoodies with that signature jacket while Ethan has a little bit more variation but not much

Who will punch someone out if they are rude to their partner?

They would both get aggressive, Bandit would be the punching one where as Ghost would pull out a switchblade, Ethan needs to work more on his reactions to anger. The rest of the team are more likely to interfere with Ghost than with Bandit for obvious reasons.

Who likes to prank the other?

Dominic ‘Bandit’ Brunsmeier, Ghost tries to prank him back but just can’t Dom is the king of pranks

Who is the one who loves to take pictures?

Ghost, the gallery on his phone is filled with memes and pictures of Bandit or his dogs. Bonus points is a picture of Dominic with the dogs

How would they react if they found out they were soul mates?

They’d make jokes about it and call it cringy but both of them would kinda be overwhelmed with the whole concept of it

What would they dress up as, for Halloween?

They wouldn’t dress up for Halloween although there were two occasions in which they did.

The first was when they bought a ghost face mask, one of them would wear the mask and hide in a cupboard or behind a door and the other would pretend to be on their phone in the room but was secretly filming it, some of the best victims to this were Rook, Castle, Mira, Thermite, Blackbeard, Ying and Harry.

The second was when Bandit made a bet with Ela and Dokkaebi, he lost an both Dominic had to wear Pikachu and Pichu onesies respectively  

Can they name each other’s favourite food?

Yup, I’ve already said ghosts is tuna pasta, but bandits is meat feast pizza

Do they have pet names for one another?

Yup again, Ghost calls Bandit the usual, baby, babe, love and when they’re alone sweetheart. Bandit uses the same but also calls Ethan Liebling, Mausebär and Schatz

How do they cheer each other up?

Depends on how upset they are, it can something as simple as smoking a joint together but others it can often be going on long drives or holding one another in the safety of Ethan’s room with gentle music on in the background

Do they show a lot of PDA?

Nope, the most would be cuddling on the couch or Ethan sitting on the floor in front of Dominic if there’s nowhere else to sit. Although they are always together and standing close to each other.

How old were they when they got together?

Ethan was 24 and Bandit was 32 (I age Bandit down in my au)

Who is the one that would bring the puppy home?

Neither of them really would since Ethan has Atlas and Brutus who both love Dominic as well

Can they do yoga couple’s poses?

Yeah, they would probably do it for a laugh in the gym when they don’t wanna work out

What is their song?

Berlin by Teeza

What does their room look like?

It’s Ethan’s room which I’ve put before is not that decorated since its on base, there are a couple of personal items in the room though like pictures and a few posters and books.

Who makes the other breakfast in bed?

Bandit, purely because he enjoys cooking more

Who loves kids more?

Ghost, there are plenty of kids in his family and they all mean the world to him but Bandit’s still good with kids.

Do either of them have a crazy ex?

Bandit does but he has long since lost all contact with her

What are their favourite colours?

Ethan’s is a dark blue while Dominic’s is black and yellow together (shocker)

Who likes to cook?

Bandit but he makes a mess every time, so it usually goes with Dominic cooking and Ethan cleaning up as he goes along

What do they do for Valentine’s Day?

They don’t celebrate valentine’s day although bandit did once buy that bear holding the heart with ‘shit bitch you fine’ on it

Who swears more?

Between how much Ethan calls people cunt and Dominic says Scheiße its hard to tell.

Who has the better comebacks?

Dominic, they are both good with comebacks for other people but between the two of them it would be Dominic

Do either of them know how to do a handstand?

Ghost can, he repeatedly tries to get a headshot while doing a handstand during training

What do they usually text about?

Just joking around and seeing what the other is up to, they rarely spend time away from each other. Mostly they get in trouble for texting each other during meetings trying to get the other to laugh out loud

Who is the dramatic one?

Ethan for sure

Is either one confrontational?

They can both be confrontational but Ghost more than Bandit. It takes a lot to get Bandit confrontational.

What is their favourite cuddle position?

Dominic laying on top of Ghost with his head on top of Ethan’s stomach, while Ethan runs his fingers through Dominic’s hair

Who would be the more laid back one?

Bandit

How do they work out a fight?

They spend time away from each other to calm down then go to their room and talk it out

Who has more songs on their phone?

Ghost he has a massive music library

What movie did they first see together?

Creed

What do they like to see each other in?

Honestly the first time ghost saw bandit in a suit he turned into a blushing teenager and was speechless for several minutes. Dominic loves seeing Ethan in his jacket

Who makes jokes during inappropriate times?

Bandit

Who does stuff on impulse?

Bandit, he makes about 70 plans in the space of 10 minutes

How do they comfort each other when they are helpless to do anything about the situation?

Hold each other, if there’s nothing else they can do they can comfort each other

What is an inside joke they have?

They have so many its borderline annoying for everyone else, the stupidest one they have is ending a sentence by saying “with your penis?” it’s a reference to an episode of law and order SVU that had them near crying laughing

Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

They both do

What is their favourite holiday?

Halloween, free sweets, scaring people, pranks, movie night, everything about that they love

Who is the one that is calm and collected while the other is angry and destructive?

Bandit is calm and collected, Ghost is the other

Who sleep talks?

Bandit, he sometimes sleep walks as well, never fails to scare the crap out of Ghost