#he has eye bags not because he’s anemic because they don’t let him sleep

[taranasaurustea]

I think it would be funny if all the people Fyodor has possessed over the years are in the back of his consciousness constantly commentating on everything and insulting him.

[k-llama-llama]

Blue

TXT AU: 6th member

Sara x TXT

Sara has the  worst anemic attack she’s ever had.

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“I can’t believe you’re wearing a crop top.” Hueningkai tugged on the back of Sara’s shirt. “It’s like a whole new you.”

“Haha,” Sara pushed his hand away. “It’s barely an inch of my stomach, don’t get too excited.”

“Ew. No, I’m just surprised you agreed to wear it.” He said. “Especially for promotions.”

“Zoey and Sumi said that it would look good.” Sara told him. “And I thought it would be okay. Why, does it look weird?”

“No, you look pretty, Noona.” He promised. 

They were backstage at an award show, waiting to go on to tape their performance of Puma. To be honest, Sara had been skeptical of the whole crop top thing, but Zoey had promised that it would look good. And Sumi had insisted that because she’d never worn one in public before, fans would just talk about how good she looked. And so she hadn’t seen the harm in trying it out.

Of course, she’d skipped breakfast and dinner to make sure that she had a waist. She’d taken her pills and eaten an apple, but that was it. And she had to say, she felt like it was paying off. She’d never had the most defined waist, but there was the beginning of an hourglass shape, just barely displayed by her crop top.

“You’re feeling good, Soo-ji?” Soobin came over.

“Yeah, I’m good.” She grinned. “Just ready to get this over with.”

“You and me both.” He grinned, and spotted a staff member signalling them over. “I guess it’s our turn.”

An hour later, when they climbed down from the stage, Sara was absolutely wiped. She was sure there was sweat dripping down her forehead, and she wondered if the red flush of her cheeks was visible through her makeup.

Taking the first step down from the stage, Sara felt a familiar floatiness descend on her. It felt like her legs weren’t attached to her anymore, like she was a puppet-master just pulling on the strings. She couldn’t feel the movement, and her head began to feel cloudy.

She grabbed Yeonjun’s arm. “I need to eat something.”

“Yah, you and me-” He turned to look at her, instantly taking in the pallor of her face and the unfocused look in her eyes. “Right, let’s go.”

He looped an arm around her waist, hurrying her down the stairs. Sara slumped into him. She was still walking beside him, but he was dragging her in his hurry to get her back to the green room.

“Tae.” Yeonjun said sharply. “Grab her other arm, she’s going to go.”

Sara felt her other arm be pulled over Taehyun’s shoulders, and allowed her weight to drop.

“You’re going to be fine, Noona.” Taehyun said as they shoved through the door to the green room. 

“Let’s put her here.” Yeonjun settled her onto the couch, and then disappeared.

“I have your pill and some orange juice.” He held it out. 

Sara held out a shaking hand, her mind completely blank.

“Don’t worry.” Taehyun grabbed her hand. “We’ve got it.”

If she was in her right mind, she would have thanked them. Because there was no way she was capable of holding the glass right now.

“Open up.” Yeonjun placed the pill on her tongue, holding up the glass of orange juice so she could take a sip.

She swallowed the pill, feeling relief flow through her. She didn’t feel better yet, as it would take a few minutes for that to happen, but at least she knew that she would feel better soon.

“Just lay down.” Taehyun moved her so her head was resting on a rolled up sweater. “We’re going to go get ourselves some food, but we’ll be right across the room.”

She was pretty sure she nodded.

Soobin hurried over as soon as he was in the room. “Hey, you doing okay?”

“Just...resting.” She said, her voice sounding weak even to her own ears.

“She just took her pill.” Yeonjun informed the leader. “We’ll just give her a minute.”

“Okay. I’ll be right over there, okay Soo-ji?”

Sara had no idea how long she’d been lying there, waiting for her medicine to kick in. But it suddenly hit her with a start, it wasn’t kicking in. The sense of calm she was feeling wasn’t her medicine helping her, it was the fogginess descending over the rest of her body. It was getting worse.

The thought had just crossed her mind when her world went black.

The boys were busy collecting their food, arguing over who would get the last bagel and dividing up a bunch of grapes.

“Maybe Soo-ji should get the last bagel.” Beomgyu suggested. “If she’s feeling up to it.”

“That’s true. Sara do you want the-” Yeonjun turned to look at her. “Sara?”

There was no response.

“Yah, are you hungry or do you want- Holy shit.” Yeonjun gasped. “Soo-ji!”

“What’s wrong? Oh my god!” Soobin turned, his eyes landing on Sara.

She was lying on the couch where they’d left her, completely unconscious. Her face was deathly pale, and her lips were tinged with blue.

“Soo-ji! Wake up!” Yeonjun smacked her cheek, trying to get a response from her.

“I thought you said she took her pill!” Soobin shouted, shaking Sara to try and wake her up.

“She did! She should be fine.” Yeonjun turned, planning on shouting for help.

Beomgyu was way ahead of him, leaning out the hallway. “Someone call an ambulance! Please!”

“She’s breathing, right? Tell me she’s breathing?” Soobin felt at her neck for a pulse. 

“I don’t...I don’t...”

“She is.” Taehyun felt her chest for the rise and fall of her shallow breaths. “But, it doesn’t seem like she’s breathing enough.”

“SOMEONE HELP!” 

They weren’t sure how long it was before the paramedics rolled their stretcher into the room and they were shoved back. There were monitors strapped onto her, an IV put in, and then she was lifted onto the stretcher. All the while they just kept hearing words like ‘seizing’ and ‘shock’ and ‘lack of oxygen’.

Sara was wheeled out of the room, their manager taking off after her.

“Get your things.” Another staff member said. “We’ll take you home.”

“No, take us to the hospital.” Soobin said, grabbing his things.

“You won’t be able to see her right away. You don’t need to-”

“We’re going now.” Yeonjun pulled his and Sara’s bags onto his shoulders. “We’re going to be there.”

When Sara came to, she was aware of two things. The first, was that she was extremely cold. The type of cold that seeped through to her bones and made her instantly wish that she could drink some tea or something to warm her up.

The second things was that her legs appeared to be strapped down.

She opened her eyes slowly, blinking as the light agitated a headache that she hadn’t realized was there. Something tickled her nose, and she lifted a hand, feeling a tube that she realized was blowing air into her nose.

Lifting her head, she tried to take in the room.

The first thing she realized was that her legs weren’t strapped down. Instead, Taehyun and Hueningkai were laying across her legs, pining them to the bed.

She looked around the room. It was definitely a hospital room, but the lights were dimmed. Yeonjun was curled up in the chair next to her bed, wearing the same clothes from their performance. Soobin and Beomgyu was on the couch on the other side of the room, with one of them snoring loudly.

She glanced at her hand, finding an IV taped to it. What the heck had happened? The last thing she remembered was taking her pill, and she should’ve felt better. She couldn’t remember why she was in the hospital now.

The nice part of her wanted to let the boys sleep. But she was freezing.

“Yah, Yeonjun.” She reached out with her hand and poked his foot. “Wake up.”

“Not yet,” He grumbled, turning away from her. “I’m still-” 

His eyes shot open, landing on her; sitting up in bed, staring at him expectantly. 

“SOO-JI! You’re awake!” He shouted.

It was like a bomb had gone off, and the others boys shot awake.

“Noona!”

“Sara!”

Someone jumped on top of her, tackling her in a hug.

“I was so worried!” Huka squeezed her tightly.

“Get off!” Soobin pulled him away. “You’ll hurt her.”

“I’m fine.” Sara smiled at him, before remembering. “Actually, I’m cold.”

“Here, take my sweater.” Yeonjun pulled a sweater off the back of his chair.

“It’s the middle of the night, but I’m sure we can get a nurse to get you a blanket.” Soobin said. “I’ll go.”

“No, not yet.” Sara protested as Yeonjun wrapped the sweater around her shoulders. “Why are we in the hospital?”

“Do you remember what happened?” Beomgyu asked. “After the performance?”

Sara tilted her head. “I remember feeling faint, and Jun helping me take my pill, but nothing after that. I passed out?”

Yeonjun poked her in the forehead. “You did a little bit more than that. You were turning blue and barely breathing.”

“They had to give you blood and stuff, Noona.” Taehyun said. “The doctors said it was really bad.”

“Do you have any idea why it happened?” Soobin asked. “You didn’t feel sick in the morning? You were eating, right? The doctors said it shouldn’t have happened.”

Sara blinked, trying to clear her head. She did have a horrible headache, but she could vaguely remember. “My crop top?”

“Your crop top?” Soobin frowned. “Can someone page the nurse I think she’s-”

“No, I didn’t eat dinner or breakfast because of my crop top.” Sara remembered. “I just had an apple in the morning. But I was taking my pills so I should’ve-”

Something smacked her in the back of the head.

“OW!” She shouted, lifting a hand to feel where she’d been struck. “What is wrong with you?” 

Yeonjun just crossed his arms. “You deserved it.”

“I have a headache! I’m literally in a hospital bed right now.”

“Yeah but you’re stupid.”He scoffed. “How come you get to nag us about picking up our clothes and everything else you could possibly think of when you can’t even remember to eat dinner.”

“I can-”

“It’s literally the one thing you have to do!” He insisted. “I almost had a heart attack because you wanted to look good in a crop top?”

“I’m fine, and it’s not going to happen again.” She promised.

“Obviously not.” Yeonjun turned to Soobin. “Because we’re supervising your meals now.”

“You are not.” Sara went to cross her arms, but then remembered the needle and thought better of it. “I don’t need you to make me eat my vegetables.”

“Yeah, you’re not getting out of this.” Soobin shook his head. “We’re supervising.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“We’re serious.” Huka said with a bright smile.

“Urgh.” Sara groaned. “Whatever. I’m freezing and I have a headache, so can I go back to bed?”

“Sure, we’ll turn the lights off.” Soobin smiled obviously feeling like he’d won.

Sara lay back down, resting her head on the uncomfortable hospital pillow. She saw Yeonjun settle back into his chair, and felt the weight of her blankets grow as sweaters were piled on top of her. 

“We’ll be right here if you need anything.” Soobin said, moving her hair out of her face.

“You’re seriously all sleeping here?”

Taehyun and Hueningkai each rested their heads on one of her legs. “We’re pretty comfortable.”

“Whatever.” Sara snuggled back into the pillow. “Night everyone.”

“Goodnight!”

[sammystep]

No One Lives Forever- CH5

(AO3 link)

Stardust Crusader Wolf Pack AU

[From the beginning- CH1]

<Previous Chapter     Next Chapter>

You wake up to a gentle tapping on your arm and the smell of home cooked food wafting around the cabin. You sit up with a yawn, lifting yourself off the man who rescued you and freeing his legs. Looking down to your bandaged leg you can tell the nap (and the pain meds) really helped numb the area, at least until you’d have to move. The man – Jotaro, his name’s Jotaro- looks down at you from where he’s standing, blue-green eyes lingering on your wounded leg as well before he offers a hand to help you up.

You can’t help the slight whine of pain that slips from your mouth, but quickly rally yourself and shift your weight to your good leg. You refuse to let go of Jotaro’s arm; you know you won’t make it far without leaning on him. He seems to be a man of few words but Jotaro understands exactly what’s going on and holds his arm firm and steady as you grip it with both hands and hobble forward to the other room where the meal has been set out.

You make it to the dining room with his help and freeze when you realize how many men are here in the house. You make an effort to straighten up and lean less on Jotaro as you both make it to the empty seats. You realize no one’s started in on the food yet as Jotaro starts heap food onto his plate. They were waiting for him to start- oh god, he’s the alpha, isn’t he? Good thing you seem to be on his good side already. Less risk of being forced out of the pack’s territory and into the path of more hunters if you had Jotaro on your side.

The redhead at the table seems ready to burst with questions, you can tell he’s doing his very best to be polite about it at least, not like the guy with the silver mohawk. Your explanation and apology seem to set everyone on edge, but they’re not throwing out accusations at you, so it must be the fact that there were wolf hunters in their territory.

It’s quiet for a minute until the older man- Joseph- regales you all with a story from his youth, how he once… crashed a plane while battling a god?

By the end of dinner, you are full of delicious food and exhausted. Just sitting upright for an hour has taken a toll and you’re pretty sure the pain killers are wearing off. Your leg throbs as you shift a bit to get the blood flowing. The rest of the guys clear out of the dining room, bringing plates and leftovers to the kitchen. Jotaro stands and offers you a hand to stand up.

“Thanks.” You wince at how out of breath you sound and sigh as you take his hand.

He looks like he’s thinking hard about something before instead of pulling you to your feet he bends down and puts your arm around his neck. “What? Wait! I can walk, I’m fine!” You’re flustered to be back in his arms as he ignores you and lifts you from your chair.

“Its fine. You’re tired, and there’s no sense straining yourself just to walk down the hall.” You let out a little huff at his logic and can’t help the soft purr that builds in your chest and you accept your fate. He purrs back in response and you melt further into his hold.

He carries you out of the dining room, but you must be more tired than you realized because when you blink and open your eyes again you’re suddenly in a hallway. Jotaro has stopped in front of one of the doors, another very serious look on his face as he thinks. You hum a little to catch his attention, and it works as those aqua eyes snap to meet your gaze.

He sighs and averts his eyes, “We… don’t have a guest room here. You’ll have to get settled in my room. I’ll sleep in the lounge.”

“Oh! No, you don’t have to… I can sleep in the lounge! I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”

“No, you need proper rest. And a room with a door. You don’t know how loud the old man and Polnareff can be yet.” He wears a small smile as he opens the door and makes his way inside, setting you on the queen bed. Besides the bed there is only a cheap night stand in the room. They must have just been here for a guy’s trip or something, the space doesn’t feel very lived in.

He turns and rummages through a travel bag while you survey the room and turns around holding a bundle of clothes. “You can wear some of my PJs. Do you need help getting to the bathroom?” he nods over to the other door in the room that apparently is not a closet like you had thought.

“Thanks. Just to the door is fine. The hardest part is getting up again, I think I can put a little weight on it right now.” You nod as he reaches and helps you to your feet again. You are able to hobble to the bathroom with his help and he sets the bundle of clothes on the sink counter.

He lets go of you and rummages in a linen closet for a minute, turning back to you with a slightly dusty and mis-matched washcloth and hand towel. “Sorry, this is all that I have here, I’ll go see if the other bathrooms have a real towel or something.”

“It’s fine, this will do. I’ll just get the worst of it off right now.” You pause for a moment, trying to think of a way to word your next question. “You, uh. You guys haven’t been here that long, have you? Were you guys on a hunting trip or something? Guys weekend?”

Jotaro hums to himself, “Something like that. We were actually scouting it to expand our territory. This was our test run to see if we liked it enough to stay. But you’re right, we’ve only been here a few days now.”

“Ahh. Wow,” your eyes widen as you realize, “I must have used up all my good karma or something to run right into your new territory. What are the odds…” You trail off as you realize how badly today could have gone for you. You’re shaken from your worried thoughts by Jotaro’s hand on your shoulder.

“Hey. You’re safe now. You can stick with us as long as you need.” You smile and nod at him. “I’ll let you get cleaned up. I’ll be just down the hall if you need me.”

He turns to leave but something possesses you take hold of his hand before he can make it out the doorway. “I… Don’t want to be alone, tonight I mean… You don’t have to sleep in the lounge if you don’t want to, the bed looked big enough…” Oh jeez, you can feel how hot your face is from the blood rushing to it. You’re sure if you turned to the mirror instead of looking at your feet you’d see a previously undiscovered shade of red.

“Alright, if you’re sure.” He… agreed? You can’t help but smile as you look back up to his face, embarrassment forgotten. He’s smiling a little too and you have a feeling this is normally a rare sight. He heads for the door again, “I’ll get some more pillows while you get changed then.”

You shut the door behind him and turn to the bundle he left for you. T-shit and sweatpants. Good thing they were the kind with a drawstring, you had a feeling they were going to need rolled up at the ankle and the waist with how tall Jotaro is. You turn to your reflection for the first time tonight and are surprised with how pale you are, probably still anemic from your earlier injury.

You do your best to clean up the leftover dirt and smudges of blood and run your fingers through your hair as well as you can- a quick search of the bathroom had yielded no comb. You quickly don the sleep clothes and roll up the pants so you don’t trip on your short journey to the bed. You exit the bathroom and hobble your way to the bed, hand on the wall to support yourself. Jotaro comes back into the room holding two more pillows and a blanket he’s found. He must have changed as well, but you have to admit he fills out the simple clothes well.

You both settle into bed side by side. He’s opted to be a gentleman and keep a layer of sheets between you and let you have the thicker blanket all to yourself. You’re still tense, sharing a bed with a virtual stranger, but then you take a deep breath and all you can smell is him. Instantly you are calmed, enough that you unintentionally start purring again. What is up with your instincts today? You’ve never given into them so easy, were you still on edge from the chase earlier? That must be it.  The close call must still be on your subconscious mind, you’ve never been that close to…

Your thoughts are derailed again as he purrs in response to your distress, but the fear and stress you’d felt in the forest still lingers in your mind. You wish you could relax like you had been for your nap earlier. Maybe a little bit of embarrassment now would be worth a good night’s rest?

“Ok, so this may be a dumb question, but,” you pause and inhale to build your courage, “can I… just… hold your hand? So I know you’re there? That it’s you?”

He shifts around a bit and you hear a muffled ‘Good grief’ as he turns his head to you.

You look away to try and avoid the awkwardness as best you can, “Fine, just thought I’d ask. I knew it was dumb.”

“Hmm. That wasn’t a no.” He pulls his hand free of the blankets and holds it out next to you. You marvel a bit at how large his hand is compared to yours as you grasp it. You feel almost tingly as you both settle down to sleep again. This time your thoughts anchored to the present, not the terrifying chase through the forest.

<Previous Chapter    Next Chapter>

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

Some eagle eyed readers may have caught that I’ve changed at least Polnareff’s appearance a bit. This story takes place sometime between 2014-2018 so I’m modernizing their outfits somewhat- including Polnareff’s hairstyle lol.

[angry-slytherin]

Heaven Help Me(Ch 6)

Jo wakes up to the sound of an alarm going off, but it’s not hers. She jumps up, shoving her feet into a pair of slippers, before remembering that Alex Karev has taken habitat on the floor of what was going to be her office. Her heart rate slows.

The extra room in her new apartment now contains a blow-up mattress, and a duffel bag full of Alex’s ‘crap’, as he calls it.

Jo moises down the hall to the bathroom. It’s not a long walk, considering the small rooms and the small scale of the apartment. Still, Jo chose it because it’s close to work.

She passes a still sleeping Alex. So she picks up a pillow near the doorway, and throws it at his head. He groans.

“Get up,” she whispers, “It’s time for work.” Alex gets up and follows her into the bathroom; she gives him a taunting smirk as he picks up his toothbrush.

“You suck, you know?” He says with a mouth full of toothpaste. Jo rolls her eyes.

“I do not! You just need to be more awake in the morning. This is the third day you’ve kipped on my floor, and every single one of those three days, I have had to wake you up,” Jo counters through her own mouth full of toothpaste.

“Yeah but today you assaulted me with a pillow.” He spits. Jo laughs, putting her toothbrush down.

“Fine. I’ll drive to make it up to you,” Alex grumbles.

“Really?” Jo’s eyes light up, and he trails after her into the kitchen.

“Yeah. Do you have any waffles?”

“Uh, ye- no- check the fridge.”

Alex opens the fridge, “You have a carton of milk, what is probably a week old salad and a cup of yogurt.”

Jo shrugs, “I have to go to the grocery store after work today.”

“Can I at least have the salad?”

“No, that’s my lunch. Have the yogurt.”

***

“You’re awfully domestic with Karev now,” Amelia teases, and Jo fights the urge to physically assault her.

“Will you ever give this a rest? He’s finding a new place. His wife left him. Link’s my best friend, and if he ever left you, I’d let you have my floor too; even without Scout.”

“Oh, that’s actually kind of a sweet sentiment. Still, I won’t judge anymore. Sorry, Jo,” Amelia smiles. Jo sighs, scratching under her eyebrow.

“I don’t have a lot of people, you know that, Amelia,” Jo begins in a lower tone, “so if a friend is sad and struggling, I want to help. I don’t want to lose anyone, and I don’t want to let anyone drown.”

Amelia nods, “I know. But I want to look out for you too. You’ve been a great friend to Link since you two were in undergrad; you’re my friend too. And sometimes strong women like ourselves- women who’ve been forced to be strong- are also vulnerable to being taken advantage of. I don’t want you to fall prey.”

Jo smiles at the blue-eyed doctor. She hasn’t felt that cared for in a very long time, maybe ever.

“Thank you.”

“So, do you want to hear about me and Atticus Lincoln’s wedding coming up?”

“Yes, absolutely. Please tell me you went with the peonies as your flower. They’d go perfect with the white, and those small blue flowers...” Jo trails off. She may be too invested in this wedding, but it’s also the most exciting thing for her right now.

“Yes, of course! You still need to help me find a dress though. Saturday, right? Me, you, Mer, and Maggie.”

“I’ll be at your house at seven A.M. sharp.”

“Great, but you’re best woman, so don’t tell Link about my dress.”

“I won’t. I’m the perfect double agent for both parties in this wedding.”

***

“26-year-old male, anemic, hypertensive in the field, BP 160/90 at arrival, he’s got a burst appendix,” A remaining paramedic, as well as an ER doctor inform Jo, who along with senior resident, Baker, will be performing his appendectomy.

Once Jo and Baker arrive to the scrub room, and the patient has been prepped, Baker asks Jo a question.

“How did this guy get in here so fast? When my appendix burst, I had to wait three hours.”

“Well he’s just lucky I’m around; and that I’m charitable enough to give up my research time to remove his appendix,” Jo cracks. Baker almost laughs, but finishes scrubbing and enters the OR. Jo finds her to be stiff.

Jo then follows the resident, and greets the room, “Well, good morning all. Nothing like a surgery to preface lunch, right?”

This gets a good laugh from the other doctors and nurses in the room. Jo’s never wanted to be a stuck up or a nervous surgeon.

She’s always thought once you find your confidence in an OR, you just have to find your personality. Hers isn’t typically comedic, but she likes it when everyone’s smiling. It assures her.

***

Jo and Alex sit at Jo’s countertop, sorting through the sheets of paper Alex left Izzie.

“She- wow. She left you the house.”

Alex frowns, “That house? The one I shared with the woman who I thought loved me, but can’t even try and be with me? No, I’m going to sell it and find a sad, bachelor place to mope in.”

“Ah, that’s very you of you,” Jo quips and earns a snort from Alex.

“She left me everything, basically. She- I don’t know. She left me. She left our life, our home, everything we’ve built. I feel like crap.” Jo looks sadly at her friend.

“Then let’s order a pizza, watch a movie and mope. We can ever have the secret beer I’ve stash-”

“You’re evil!”

“Well you would’ve have drank it all already!”

Alex rolls his eyes, “You suck.”

“No, I don’t. You suck, get your crap off my floor and find your own sad bachelor place.”

“Technically you’re a bachelorette.”

[read-itand-weep]

The 8th Member of BTS (Male version)

This will be a new fanfic I don’t know how many parts but you can request whatever with this character. Let me know what you think and if you would like to be tagged. Thank you enjoy. 

If you would like to be tagged let me know.

Let’s meet him

Korean name: Min Joon (Min means quick,clever,and sharp. Joon means talented or handsome) And boy does he live up his name

American name:Jacob

Stage Name: Min Min

Languages: English, he already knew Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Italian, and Spanish before leaving the states because he alone a lot so he had the time to learn, self taught

Blood type : O -

From: The states born to a single mother (who is his everything) and a deadbeat father

Siblings: The Only child

Age: 19 (The youngest)

Born: December 25th, 2000 (A Christmas baby and kind of hates it)

Started: the company when he was 12 (leaving the states by himself) and was 13 when they debut , was timid and kept to himself, so it was a shock when he joined BTS and people wanted to get to know him, he had to learn how to kind of open up and trust again, he finally found his family

Debut: right after J-hope to the public

Position: Second lead dancer, bounces between the rap line and singer line

Instruments: Drums, Piano, Trumpet, Guitar and Bass, and Saxophone 

Other things he does: Acts and models 

Sexuality: He isn’t quite sure yet

Fears: The Dark so he always has a light and if not is in bed with one of his brothers, Clowns, but does not get scared easily by anything else, he’s the bug catcher at the dorm

Close to in the group: He looks up to all of his brother so there isn’t just one that he can choose but was timid to talk to suga at first and sometimes still is

Health: Is Anemic so he has to take iron pills and gets frequent blood tests

Allergies: Fish, bees, and all nuts (peanuts, walnut, almonds, etc...) Everyone on the staff and the boys had to learn the protocol for this after a really bad experience

-As the baby of the group they watch over him because he is here on his own Especially mama Jin.

-He’s always cuddled to one of them because he’s always cold even in the middle summer.

-Doesn’t really drink.

-Loves kids

- A coffee addict. So much so that the boys have to cut him off sometimes.

-Is the only member of the group to have visible tattoos, on his arms, legs, back, and ribs

-Had to be the man of the house back in the states so he doesn’t show his feeling easily so when he cries it means that there is really something going on but doesn’t like to show the boys so he tries to hide himself away

-is very mature for his age and the boys are the only ones that can get him to act his age

-knows how to cook very well with him having to be home by himself growing up because his mom worked a lot of jobs to keep the house running, Jin loves the help but once he finds out why Min is a great cook he feels so bad for him

-Rooms with J-Hope because they are always in the studio late any don’t want wake anyone up in the process of getting ready for bed when they come in late and has his own bed but always ends up in bed with Hobi looking for warmth so they have a really strong bond

-Almost got kicked out in the beginning but he trained hard to show them that he’s worth it even if he doesn’t think his is.

-Is really good at writing music and a lot of it gets put on the albums.

-He's and amazing artist and does all of the albums artwork.

-He’s good at the things on run so everyone wants to team up with him.

-If he’s injured or sick he has a pack of hyungs on him trying to take care of him.

-He doesn’t tell the boys every time he’s injured and tries to fight through it, but after the first song sometimes they can tell if he’s hurt or sick and scold him right then and there if they are practicing but if it’s a concert they worry through the whole thing and rush him to the medic right after on the back of one of the members.

-He Gets car sick really bad so he has to have a vomit bag with him at all times just in case, and the boys hate seeing him go through it but he just laughs it off and puts his head on the window until one the boys puts it on their shoulder.

-gets nosebleeds often even on stage so the boys carry around tissues with them everywhere they go

-Gets tired easy so he’s always napping and the boys put extra blankets or coats on him and he wakes up in a cocoon but smiles and cuddles more into them, or he cuddles up to Suga and they sleep together, and if you don’t think the boys take pictures of this your dreaming.

-The boys love a tired Min Min just because he so cute

-Masters the choreo in an hour all the time and starts coming up with new numbers, or starts to make up new songs.

-When he’s rapping, singing, or dancing to certain parts he turns into a different person all together

-Outside of that he is the cutest thing you’ll ever come across

-the fans love his stage presence

-He can get whatever he wants with just his puppy eyes alone but add a bit of aegyo and oh man he has you in his trap and the boys still aren’t used to it and give into him all the time

-NamJoon and Suga think it’s adorable that his name in Min Joon

-when he does his modeling or acting jobs outside of BTS the boys support him and make sure he is still taking care of himself

-He does a lot of television appearances and loves going on Hello Counselor Because even for being young he has a lot of life experience due to growing up the way he did. (If you don’t know that show i suggest you watch it:)

-Does a lot of variety shows like Roommates and more

-Has a busy schedule but loves it, the boys worry sometimes because he just looks so worn down sometimes and talk to their managers to lighten his work load a little.

Masterlist

[aenariasbookshelf]

Darcy and Jane’s Post-Apocalyptic Road Trip, part four

The continuing road trip adventures of a Jane Foster attempting to avoid the US Government and a heavily pregnant Darcy Lewis just keep expanding.  

Technically this fic takes place in an alternate universe offshoot of The Incrediblesverse, but you don’t have to read those fics to understand this one. 

(parts one and two) (part three) 

At some point I’ll edit this thing up and post it properly to AO3.  Until such time, however, this story will live here on Tumblr...

Infinity War spoilers ahead…

**********

Driving through the New Mexico landscape has always brought a certain sense of peace to Darcy, even as so many of the more exciting events of her life have taken place during those strange desert nights - running into Thor, her first kiss with Steve...hell, probably when the little bladder kicker was conceived too, she thinks with a rueful rub of her swollen stomach.  But since the Great Dust Up (and she really needs to find a much better nickname for what had actually happened that's nowhere near as lighthearted as that) there's been something bad in the air.  Energy or vibes or something...whatever it is, it leaves her skin crawling and a bad taste that lingers at the back of her mouth.  Darcy stares out the window of the 'borrowed' station wagon, SUV thing Jane had appropriated, watching as the sporadic lights flash by as they drive in a southerly direction.  

They're barely an hour into their trip, and already she feels tense, restless.  Rationally, Darcy knows why she feels like that - it's the end of the world out there, of course she's going to feel unsettled.  And her feelings are obviously bouncing back on the baby, who's doing somersaults inside of her, squirming and wriggling about in there.  She runs a hand over the spot where he’s kicking, smiling to herself when the little foot pushes against her palm.

At the beginning, the sight of the baby’s limbs pushing against her skin had freaked her out, putting her in the mind of being an incubator rather than a mother to be.  Now, however, every little reassurance that her boy’s alive makes her feel content inside.

Somethings, however, are not content.

“Hey, Jane?”

Jane flicks her eyes over at Darcy, who’s squirming uncomfortably in her seat.  “Bathroom break?”

“Yeah.”

“If we see a gas station soon, I’ll pull over.  Otherwise…”

Darcy shifts again, grimacing.  “The way I feel right now I will have no shame whatsoever peeing on the side of the road.”

Luckily, a bright and clean 24 hour gas station is only a few minutes down the road, and once they stop the car Darcy makes a very grateful escape for the restroom while Jane takes care of refuelling the car.

She crosses paths with Jane in the lot on her way back from the bathroom.  "Do you want anything from inside?" Jane asks, jabbing a thumb at the attached convenience store with its anemic looking florescent lights sputtering and crackling in the night.  "I'm going to see if I can get some water and chips, maybe a gas can if they have any left."

"Doritos," Darcy replies with a firm nod.  "Baby wants Doritos.  And maybe some Twinkies if they got them.  And chocolate?"  The baby kicks at her ribs again in apparent agreement.

"You got it."

Darcy slips back into the car with an exhausted sigh.  She already feels wiped out, and the trip's barely begun.  But she's got to keep pushing - if ever there was a time to keep moving, keep going, this is it.  The end of the world waits for no woman to sit back and take a breather because her baby's decided that this is the best time to be wide awake and playing rugby with her insides.  

They had a bit of a running joke, before Bucky had swept in and pulled Steve back into the world with the talk of intergalactic dangers, that Steve's voice was the only thing that could get the baby to settle down in the middle of the night so that Darcy could get a few hours of unbroken sleep.  He'd lay down, his head propped on Darcy's legs, and trace patterns over the taut skin of her belly as he'd tell the baby (and Darcy) stories about what things were like when he was a kid, the trouble he and Bucky got into, the soothing hands of his mother as she got him through yet another illness, some of the stories she'd tell him about his father, hopes and dreams for the future...if they still have a future in this disaster of a world, Darcy thinks.

But, it does give her an idea.

She pulls out her cellphone and dials.  "Hello?" Steve's low voice comes through the small speaker, filling the car.

"Did I wake you?"

"Nope.  What's going on?"

"Can you talk to the baby for a few minutes to get him to settle down?" Darcy asks, in a voice that's definitely not a whine (it's totally a whine, but she'll never admit it).  "He keeps moving, and I just want to be able to relax for a minute."

Steve chuckles, warm in her ear.  "Of course."

Darcy props the phone on her stomach, earpiece directly over where she last felt the baby's foot kicking her.  And for a few minutes, she lets herself fall into the cadence of Steve's voice, steady and sure, trying to take the small comfort where she can.  "I think he's settled," she says a little while later, stretching out in the seat.  "God, I hope this trip goes quickly.  I'm so uncomfortable."

"From the baby, or other things?"  

She stares across the parking lot, her eyes lighting on the other cars parked along the back fence, and then on Jane's figure, moving in and out of the aisles of the little store, her arms full of snacks.  "I don't know," she eventually says.  "I just feel...something feels off.  I don't have any scientific evidence.  Maybe it's just hormones."

“The entire universe is off right now,” Steve says with a heavy sigh, and Darcy can imagine him running a hand through his hair, pulling at the strands with utter frustration.  “Do you think you’re not going to make it to the boat safely?” he asks.

“I...Steve, I am a literal whale right now.  I’ve got my taser, and the little gun that Bucky gave me, but that’s it.  Jane can throw a punch, but…”  Darcy can’t bring herself to finish the sentence.  She doesn’t need to.

Steve’s silent for a few moments, to the point where Darcy’s convinced that the call had dropped.  But then she hears some papers rustling, followed by the click of a keyboard.  “I think,” Steve murmurs distractedly, “I think I may be able to get you a bodyguard.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  I need to look and see where they are, but I think I can get someone to reroute tonight to meet up with you by tomorrow.”  There’s more keyboard noises.  “You said you’re planning to stop in Marfa, Texas tomorrow, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“There’s an art installation about twenty-five miles outside of town.  You can’t miss it, and it’ll hopefully be a quiet place to meet up with someone.”

The driver’s side door opens and Jane slips in, handing Darcy a plastic bag full of goodies her doctor had explicitly told her not to have too much of but what the hell, the world is ending, and she wants a Twix.  “How will we know we’ve got the right person there?”

“You remember our password, don’t you?”

“Oh, god,” Darcy groans, rubbing a hand over her forehead.

“What is it?” Jane breaks in.

“Slight change of plans for tomorrow,” Darcy says with a roll of her neck.  “We’re getting an escort, and not the fun type.”

[magess]

Burn - 6x16 coda

Theo keeps driving. If they’d been followed, he’s fairly sure he’d have seen headlights trailing them into the twilight. Liam’s exit strategy, such as it was, called for looping back before leaving the zoo to gather up whatever camping gear they could salvage and heading to the woods make real use of it, to give the hunters a false trail and the impression that they’d found the whole pack and let them slip away. Theo hadn’t managed to salvage much. Just a few sleeping bags and pillows. But the rest of the idea seemed sound.

Better than running back to Scott’s house, anyway.

He doesn’t bother with a signal as he turns off the road onto a trail into the woods. Doesn’t bother with the headlights either and lets his eyes go gold as he looses enough of the coyote to see by the stars. Liam doesn’t say anything—hasn’t said anything in quite some time, but he doesn’t sound like he’s asleep. The trail peters out into nothing, and Theo puts the truck into park and cuts the engine.

He lets his eyes shift back and relaxes for a moment against the seat, listening to the tick of the motor, the crescendo of cicadas, and the distant calls of owls. He waits for any signs of a following car, acutely aware of Liam having turned to look at him. Even in the darkness, he could tell from the shush of his hair against the vinyl seat and the sound of his breathing.

“C’mon,” Theo says, opening his door. “Get the stuff out of the back.”

They hadn’t prepared a campsite, so he has to gather sticks and bust a thick branch off a tree to snap into useable logs. Liam kicks around through the undergrowth searching for stones to ring a campfire with. It’s a nice gesture, not setting the Beacon Hills woods ablaze. Theo looks up from trying to get some leaves to catch on fire, grunting from the darkness having caught his attention. He frowns and catches sight of Liam’s glowing eyes weaves in and out of view, shadowed by trees. His heartbeat is rapid, and something drags on the ground.

“Liam!”

“I got it.” His voice sounds labored.

Theo scowls and holds a leaf over the flame from the lighter again, shoving it among the others when it flares.

In the new glow of an anemic fire, Liam surges into view dragging a fallen tree. He huffs, trudges another step, and drops the trunk near the fire, dry side up.

“We have wood,” Theo tells him, glancing at the thing while he tries to feed small sticks to the hungry flames. Catch, catch . . .

Liam’s voice comes back acidic. “It’s a seat,” he says, and drops down onto it with an exhausted sigh.

“Oh.” He concentrates on the fire. “Good idea.”

Liam puffs out a breath, not exactly a laugh, not exactly a scoff. Then he folds forward, clasping his arms around his knees, and watches while Theo works.

It’s a bit . . . infuriating. Being watched. Feeling like he’s being judged while being watched, because he was never a god damned Boy Scout, so what do you expect? Only Liam isn’t saying anything. He’s just watching, even though Theo can feel his attention like spiders up his arms.

The campfire cooperates eventually, settling in to consume some of the larger logs with a steady, orange yellow glow. It crackles and pops, hissing as the sap evaporates. The woods are alive around them. This is what the end of summer feels like, Theo thinks, though he has no childhood nostalgia to fall back on. His memories of the woods hold different things.

He snaps a piece off a twig and tosses it into the flames.

From the corner of his eye he can see Liam lift his head from where it rested on the arms crossed over his knees.

“Why do you keep helping me?” Liam asks.

Theo glances at him. “Why do you keep asking?”

He expects a sneer, a narrow-eyed look of disdain at his deflection. But instead, Liam’s brows pull together, thoughtful, and he looks at the fire. Theo’s heart lurches, suddenly afraid that he’s spoken too close to the truth, exposed a spot too vulnerable.

Because you keep asking.

After a moment, Liam says, “You’re different, since . . .” He hesitates. “Since you got back.”

Theo arches an eyebrow at him and can’t stop his pulse from quickening. “If you say so.”

He’s tried not to think about it. Tried not to do much thinking at all, except when strictly necessary. Eat, sleep, see another day. Maybe in that order.

Liam turns to look at him, pensive and searching, and Theo doesn’t know what he expects to find. Isn’t sure if Liam turning back to stare at the fire means he has or hasn’t found it.

They fall into a silence raucous with sound. Things move, birds call, insects chitter and chirp. Even dull human senses know it’s a noisy sort of quiet. A new log starts to catch fire, sending up sparks and a new series of snaps.

Liam’s voice comes out soft and tentative. “What was it like?”

Theo’s fingers pause on the twig he was about to break. “What? Hell?” He looks over, Liam’s features sharp and gold-leafed in the firelight, and sees him nod.

By inches, Theo’s gaze tracks back to the fire. What was it like? His eyes fall shut. What was it like . . .

He shakes his head in the smallest of gestures. Not a no, but a not again. Because if he opens that door, if he looks, once, behind . . .

He shudders, and he inhales air that smells like solvent, tastes like bleach and metal. His own breath rasps so close in his ears.

His heart thumps. Thumps thumps thumps. Faster. Harder. He knows this place, the taste. Oh God.

The feel of her fingers ripping flesh, cracking bone.

Thrashing. Convulsing.

Thumpthumpthumpthump.

“Theo!”

Liam grips his arm, and Theo’s eyes flash open. He jerks away on instinct, panting as cold sweat slides down his spine. His stomach quavers, and for a moment he can’t even feel the heat from the fire anymore, just the pressure of his heart thudding hard beneath his ribs. Liam holds his hands up, frowning with worry, and Theo sucks in a breath slowly, counting. Slowly, out.

If he turns toward the heat of the fire, it won’t feel like shame across his face.

“I, uh—” His voice breaks a little, and he presses his eyes shut, willing himself under control. “I woke up,” he manages, voice low and steady, “in the morgue. In one of the drawers. I didn’t know where I was, couldn’t see. I’d break out, and the place was empty. Abandoned. Except . . . for her. My sister.” His gaze drops to his hands. “I could hear her. Calling me. Taunting me. She—she would hunt me down and rip out my—” He pauses, guilt and bile building in his throat, tightening to an ache. “Her heart. With knives. Or—or fingers. Slow, so I could feel every fiber as it tore. And as soon as I was gone, I’d wake up again, just as terrified.” He pauses, unable to stop the flood toward his eyes and the thickening saliva across his tongue. “And then I’d remember what was coming. How much it would hurt. That no matter where I hid I couldn’t stop her, nothing would stop her. And that it would start all over again.” He blinks, and the flames blur in his vision. His lungs ache and throat burns. “If I did really well, I could get a few more minutes between the terror and the dying.”

And then he falls silent, staring into the campfire, too full of memory.

Liam gazes at him, frowning. “You deserved to be punished,” he says, and Theo closes his eyes.

“I know,” he replies, whispering the words. “I think that made it worse somehow.” He shakes his head, and the fire must be burning low because chill creeps through his clothes and cross his skin. “But you can only take so much torture before you need it to stop. You'll give anything to make it stop,” he breathes. “But there was nothing to give. No bargain, no sacrifice. It was just . . . endless.” He glances up at the dancing flames and smiles as a tear trickles out. “I couldn't even get numb to the fear. It was just as bad, every time.” He exhales heavily, and in the smallest voice. “And I remember every time.”

Theo looks over at Liam, meeting his eyes. “That's what you saved me from.”

Liam swallows and turns away with a scowl. “I didn't do it to for you.”

“I know.” But Theo cannot help the gratitude grafted to his bones any more than he can change the need for air. “I don't care if—” He shakes his head, casting the words aside. “It doesn't matter if you hate me. You'll always be the one who pulled me out.”

An unfamiliar sensation surges through his chest and up his throat. His eyes cloud with tears again, and he picks up a twig to roll between his fingers. “Who made it stop.”

His hand shakes as he tosses the stick at the fire and lowers his head.

Liam is silent for a long, long time.

Steady heartbeat. Steady breathing. And silence.

It is, Theo thinks, all he deserves.

And then there’s the scrape of denim against bark. And Liam’s leg is pressed up next to his, his hip, his arm.

A breath shudders into Theo’s lungs and he realizes he’s spent the silence crying.

A hand presses to his back, between his shoulder blades. He shivers and fights an instinctive flinch, then focuses on the feeling of warmth, gentle and soothing. It's the only touch Theo can remember that didn't come with pain. He had parents once, but the memories are too far, too obscured by scars. Something shivers and crumbles inside at that realization, and he leans into Liam with desperation clawing at his stomach.

He should feel shame at the way he seeks him out. Pressing his nose against Liam's cheek and pausing to breathe, nuzzling against him, an exposed wire of need. Theo pants, might still be crying, feels the soft fabric of Liam’s shirt beneath his hands. He stills, heart hammering, when Liam runs his fingers into his hair, holding him steady. He doesn't shove him away. Doesn't draw him closer, either. And for a few moments Theo just breaths into the crook of Liam’sneck. A sense of safety filtering into his senses.

Eventually, trembling a little from the cavernous absence of emotion, Theo pulls back, hiding his face as it blazes with shame.

“Sorry,” he mutters, feeling stupid. Childish. Like he should disappear.

Liam frowns at him with a look of confusion, and shifts over to make space. “I . . . I didn't mind,” he says, as looks as shocked to say the words as Theo feels hearing them.

He smiles weakly. Liam looks away to stare at the fire.

“We're not friends,” Liam says after a time. Theo's shoulders tighten. “But . . . I won't threaten to put you back there anymore.”

“Thank you.”

Liam nods once. “You deserve three broken noses,” he says, tone lighter.

“Yeah.”

“Ten!”

“I know.”

“A hundred!”

“I know, Liam. Thank you.”

Liam grunts and folds his arms over his knees again, resting his chin. “Good. Cause I'm counting.”

Theo casts a sidelong glance at him, unsure what that means—what happens at the end of a hundred. He watches the light play across Liam’s face. “Let's just try to live that long.”

[sorryunavalible]

Step 4: Cancun

Once my phone adjusted to the time in Cancun I realized my next flight was in 30 mins instead of 2 hours and I am just used to the fact that I would have to go through security grab all my bags and all of that fun stuff so I was kind of panicking and praying I would not have to spend anymore time in Mexico City. 

Okay so picture the humid as hell small airport in Culiacan where it was so bad the floors were constantly wet and multiply it by 50 to image the airport in Cancun. I traveled in a light t shirt and had a jacket because the plans always got super cold and I’m an anemic person that excessively sweats so I go from the freezing plane to sweaty titties in like a total of 2 mins.

As said before, my flight was leaving soon so after collecting my bags it was off to the next terminal this is where I asked more people where to go an all that jazz as usual this time they told me I was going to have to take a bus to the next terminal and the bus stop was of course outside which was humid and ridiculously hot I am wiping sweat down my face asking people where the bus stop is. This guy was kind enough to walking me in that direction { I talk about asking for help a lot but I would only ask people that look like they work there not random people I thought it would be a safer bet and they would know more}. So, he walks me to the bus stop and it says it will arrive in an hour....y’all I did not have an hour. So, homeboy was also someone at the airport that helped people get taxis so with my 3 suitcases and backpack I gave up and payed for a taxi which was $25 for a 7 minute ride I just had to take the “L” on that one. Next step I’m at the right terminal and directed where I need to drop off my luggage. I just want to let y’all know up until this point people were fairly nice when I was asking questions and clarification. 

Next I am checking in my bag and the lady says only one is free and I have to pay so much for the other at this point I was like fine this is dumb but go off. However they didn’t accept card which defeats the point of me getting a travel credit card but here we are. She then tells me I need to go to an ATM and take out whatever amount to take out to pay for the bag in cash. So, I run to the ATM in the completely different direction take out the money and run back, HOWEVER home girl didn’t convert correctly and told me the wrong amount. So, I ran again to get more money and you know every time you go to one of these ATMs they charge you a fee so I was not happy at all and kind of thought I was being taken advantage of. Like one you’re a whole ass airline that doesn’t take card, we are in mexico and you can’t get me a correct total in Pesos sketch but whatever. Finally I mention that I have Euros and they calculate on someones phone how much more I needed to cover the cost which was like 5 more euros so I wasn’t tripping just relieved that I didn’t have to go back a second time. She printed my ticket after taking her seat time and again I was off to Security. Usually I get nervous at security checks but this was my third I think and I had all the same stuff so it was fine and I didn’t really freak out. I get though Security and I start to think I am lost while looking for my gate. This is because after security it looks like you are walking into a mall it was absolutely beautiful, for no reason {perfumes, purses, watches, and other fancy stuff} all things that didn’t matter cause ya girl is looking for the gate. The break that I was supposed to have during this time was to change clothes freshen up again and eat. 

When I found the gate people were boarding but it seemed like I had a little time so I went to one of the delis and got a sandwich, water, and Gatorade. In hindsight I could have gone to the bathroom there and changed I kind of had time but I was paranoid so I just got everything out I needed to freshen up and put it in my back pack for the plane bathroom instead. 

This was the flight to Madrid FINALLY so a lot of people in line spoke Spanish, Italian, and other languages close to that region. I was already on guard because duh female traveling alone so I had my extra mean face on so people left me alone. After getting in one of the lines {which as you got closer to boarding became 2} I notice this guy starring at me and slowly trying to get closer to me as we moved up the lines started to split he was in front of me and I just choose the line he wasn’t in even though it was longer. Fast forward I get scanned in for the flight and I see homeboy has let like 12 people go in front of him so he so happens to be right in front of me boarding the plane. 

I think it was even more creepy that he didn’t try to talk to me just wanted to be near it was weird. All my suitcases have locks for the zippers which is a must when traveling outside the US so, while waiting to board I notice when I took my clothes out I forgot to re-lock the zippers and their is someone creepy too close to me in my opinion. So, I step to the side to lock the suitcase and fall like 4 people back.

But the lovely family that passed me then let me cut the line to my starting position behind homeboy. Luckily his seat was farther back and mine forward so I got away and could somewhat relax. However, this time this airline gave me the very first row which means there is no seat in front of you to store your smaller bag which was annoying. 

Before we took off I rushed into the bathroom with my assorted wipes and changed clothes because my other ones were drenched in sweat and I felt gross this was day two flying. After I took some stuff out of my bag and put it in the storage above me. Coming back to my seat I noticed a larger gentlemen next to me. Which I only have a problem with when you are so big you start to spill into my area armrest fine, but his whole shoulder seemed to be pressed against mine which I was not having. 

The only thing I took from the bag were chargers, headphones and the food I just bought meaning my sleeping pills and eye mask were packed up. I am the kinda person that will just say oh well because I don’t want to go back and dig in my bag so this 9 hour flight was sleepless and uncomfortable because homeboy next to be was so invested on what I was doing. Before the flight texting I am seeing him look over, me watching a movie when he has one on his own screen watching my movie, seeing my reactions when eating the food given. It was annoying he was annoying and ew. 

[kaiunkaiku]

I have never written a fic in so short time. I started this last night.

This is so pure angst that I made myself cry. Birthday is dying so this is set somewhere around the last few episodes of Re:Hamatora.

This is really heavy and if you’re sensitive to topics like death, you have been warned. We all know Birthday’s illness would have killed him. No one dies in this fic but Birthday is getting worse and Ratio doesn't handle it very well.

Birthday has an uncanny ability to get himself in trouble. Ratio is well aware of this, has known it for almost as long as he’s known Birthday which is, to say, way too long for his lifespan. Simply spending time with the blonde has probably shortened his life expectancy by approximately thirty years when rounding down (that one time when he decided to learn ice skating? Five years. At the very least), and seeing as he’s unwilling to leave Birthday’s side, he’s probably going to die of a heart failure before he hits forty.

All in all, Ratio is quite used to Birthday’s antics and stupid tricks. This latest one, however, may have taken the remaining less-than-twenty years and all that was left of his sanity, because if Birthday dies at twenty-three in a hospital bed, he’s going to follow. He would have maybe lived had Birthday died on the job, maybe, but this? This wasn’t supposed to happen, just wasn’t - Birthday was supposed to be healthy, the surgery was supposed to be a success and Ratio’s prediction of Birthday’s premature death by his illness was supposed to be wrong--

But it’s happening, right here and now, in the hospital Ratio is working at. Birthday’s breaths are shallow and wheezing and he’s pale, so, so pale against the white sheets that somehow seem darker than Birthday’s translucent complexion. He looks fragile, too fragile to be Birthday. There are dark bruises under his eyes, pronounced next to his anemic pallor. His skin seems paper-thin. Ratio can see blue and purple veins, on eyelids, along the forearms, the neck.

He doesn't need to take his eyepatch off to know that his partner is dying on him.

Birthday sleeps nearly eighteen hours a day, either under the drugs he's constantly being pumped full of, or then simply because he's too exhausted to stay awake. Just breathing seems to drain him of all the energy needed to give Ratio one tired smile.

Sometimes Birthday tries to walk around. Some days he actually has enough strength to sit up on the edge of his bed and take a few steps, sometimes just to the door and sometimes even down the hall to the vending machine. He rarely gets anything, but the fact that he's able to make it that far and back without collapsing is enough. It's Birthday’s figurative middle finger to his illness, and it’s just as much done for Birthday himself as it is for Ratio.

Those are good days. Then there are medium days, kinda okay days, tired days. There are bad days, and the bad days are horrible for everyone involved. On medium days Birthday can, at the very least, hold a conversation and maybe even sit up at the edge of his bed. But on the bad days he can't. On the bad days he can barely keep his eyes open for long enough for Ratio to check if he’s even conscious. On the bad days, painful, wet coughs rattle his thin frame for minutes without a break and leave him a wheezy, heaving mess with blood-stained lips and and a barely-there heartbeat. On the bad days, Nice and Murasaki come visit, sometimes, if they can spare even a little time.

Ratio is well aware that both Nice and Murasaki but especially Nice have their hands full with Hajime and Art and the whole Freemum thing, but he’s still grateful for the ten minutes he can sit in his office with Murasaki while Nice stays with Birthday. If he could, he would spend every second of his time in that room, but sometimes listening to Birthday’s waning breath gets too much.

Today started as a medium day, but it’s going bad and fast. Birthday’s attempt to stand up ended with him on the floor hacking up blood. A nurse finds him first, shivering and coughing weakly as if his body didn't have enough strength for even that - and maybe it doesn't. Ratio is there within a minute and still feeling like he’s late, he’s ten years and then some too late for saving Birthday.

It only gets worse from there.

Birthday has a fever. He’s teetering on the edge of unconsciousness and his forehead is clammy with cold sweat, and Ratio is terrified because Birthday has no immune system left to battle an infection. He remembers the pure, mind-numbing fear he felt when Birthday collapsed right at his feet, shaking and coughing and trying so hard, and it’s nothing compared to the freezing terror that grips his heart when he sees the number “41.2” on the thermometer.

And Birthday is in so much pain. He whimpers, the noise barely audible, and his hands instinctively move to his chest, where it hurts the most and every breath is pure agony despite the IV dripping morphine into his veins. Something aches in Ratio’s chest, too, at the sight and at the sound.

They need to draw some blood in order to determine how to treat this new threat, but in all honesty, Ratio isn’t sure if Birthday has enough blood left to draw without killing him. He keeps coughing it up and Ratio doesn’t know how long it will take until they’re able to find a suitable blood donor for a type O Minimum Holder. Birthday’s blood type is already frustratingly difficult to come by due to its stance as a universal donor, but finding a compatible Minimum Holder might prove to be beyond his abilities.

By the time night arrives, Birthday’s fever is down to 38.7 and he has vomited twice. He doesn’t have the strength to hold himself up, not today, so Ratio has held him up by his bony shoulders while Birthday has dry-heaved and dry-heaved and dry-heaved until finally throwing up water and bile. Though Ratio does consider the lowered fever a victory, it doesn’t really improve his mood at all. Birthday is still sick and still dying. He can’t get the feeling of Birthday’s shoulders against his hands out of his mind - Birthday isn’t supposed to feel so fragile, not supposed to feel like a single touch would be able to break his physical form straight into atoms.

It’s terrifying.

The visiting hours have ended hours ago when Nice and Murasaki walk in with a convenience store bag with a few onigiri in it. Ratio doesn't know whose money they are using because the Hamatora duo is broke and has been as long as he remembers, not to mention they aren't even accepting jobs at the moment due to the circumstances, but maybe it’s Honey and Three, maybe it’s Master and Koneko, maybe it’s those two kids Nice befriended before shit hit the fan a few months ago.

There’s pity in their eyes, and sadness, and Nice looks guilty when he watches Ratio’s broken arm. Ratio is too tired to care, too exhausted to blame them. He doesn't remember the last time he ate something, and he doesn't resist when Murasaki plants a plain onigiri in his hand and simply says, “Eat.”

They don’t have time to stay tonight. Nice visits Birthday’s room briefly and comes out looking like he’d seen a ghost in there. Murasaki pats Ratio’s shoulder firmly, probably attempting to be reassuring but coming across just as exhausted as Ratio feels.

“Get some sleep,” Murasaki tells him, sounding weary himself. He glances at Nice, too, as if his words were directed to the both of them. Nice doesn't seem to notice, but in the dim nighttime lighting he looks exhausted, too. He’s seventeen, for God’s sake, Ratio thinks. Something in him, some small part that isn't thoroughly occupied by and invested in Birthday, aches at the thought. Nice is six years younger than him, four years younger than Murasaki, and somehow he, too, is caught up in this awful mess. Let kids be kids. It’s not as if Ratio himself was ever allowed to be a kid, either, but it feels so unfair to take childhood away from children just because they happen to have potential for a Minimum.

“You too,” Ratio hears himself saying. Murasaki nods absent-mindedly.

Nice tells him to call if Birthday gets worse, that he doesn’t know if they’ll be able to come but somebody will. “Take care,” he says on his way out.

Ratio finds himself in Birthday’s room. The blonde is asleep, and his breathing is audible, but maybe that’s what Ratio needs. Affirmation that Birthday is still alive. He falls asleep holding Birthday’s hand, and maybe he’s just imagining it, but for the briefest of moments he could swear he feels Birthday squeeze his hand.

[lost25yearold]

Nothing special

Please don’t bore yourself, my blogs will never be special and all those fancy-shmancy editing because I’m lazy and I’m here to reel in my negative energy to these blogs, not adore them.  I don’t know how it went down hill but I always thought that my parents had a better grip on their adulthood, nonetheless their lives.

I always imagined myself to be professional and start settling down by the age of 25 but look where I am in now, broke, unemployed, and bored most of the time.  Don’t get me wrong, I am currently finishing my Bachelor’s Degree in a program that my lazy ass would take, having 5 years work experience into appropriate school credentials, like wtf? What kind of school does that? But good thing is, I did finish 3 years of college so I’m just in the peak of finishing my degree so why the hell not. 

Finishing my degree wasn’t always been in my tumblr list but its always been a plan. I was suppose to finish this last year but I opted to take the opportunity to have a training ship abroad in Saipan. Its a small island that nobody really knows about; but I do now, cause I found the love of my life. (Hold On! This is not about my boyfriend, so carry on)  I have left my Dad and my grandmother who I’ve always felt was so vulnerable and weak. I have given them every ounce of energy and time I have for them like they are my guests, hence I have worked in the Hospitality Industry. I stayed with my family after how I failed my expedition in working in a cruise ship. I still consider that as my greatest downfall, as how proud of a person I was; but looking at the bright side, it made me feel humble as well. So I promised them that give me this one year, and I’ll finish my Degree so I can get a job here in the Philippines to be with them; then again taking this halt in my life have not made me happy and not living.  I am attending school like I said but its been 5 months and I haven’t had any classes given yet, but they said classes were just for formality and all I have to do is focus on my thesis. Its just like paying the school to give me a certification for my Bachelors Degree, that’s how fucked up the system here in the Philippines is. But let me just say that school started at August so, I should still give them credit too; I’m just being impatient and all.  After I got back the Philippines, I never wanted to stay there for long time since I wanted to go look for a job right away cause I couldn’t afford myself living on my own. I always have thought that I could not depend on my parents anymore, but I never felt so betrayed as well, when my grandmother took away her promise; like she’s gonna help me with school and i’ll just take care of rent. I felt so heart broken in my life, my boyfriend at that time just left Philippines too, so I never felt so lonely in my life. My grand mother has an attitude with money so; she’s kinda selfish growing up a problematic kid, but thats her, and I cannot keep a grudge for her bad attitude, and she’s family, but I wouldn’t lie she did hurt me so much. 

So I worked here a little as a call center agent. I never felt so lost at that moment, where I just walked by IT Park to look for a job, like I was just kicking something to somewhere until somebody pointed me to the recruitment center. I didn’t have anybody or no one to push me to go there, or be with me, I just went ahead straight the bullet, answering interview questions like I don’t have anything to lose. After hours of interview, I got the job. 

Of course my problems does not stop there, I felt so ashamed that my best friend, Maritess, the one that I promised to go to school with was not able to qualify for the school program just because she was a year younger. Back in Saipan, I have always pushed her doing the school with me and I’ll help her all the way, just to come here in Philippines given that kind of answer from the administrator.  I was living with her for a while, and I felt so nauseated that I message my friend if I can stay with him for a while, nonetheless sleeping on the floor in their school building. Its not much but he was so accommodating as well. So I slept in the floor for 2 days and when he was out for a date, I was their left alone in a dim building crying out for someone to just get me straight, but I had no one aside from my boyfriend online. It wasn’t enough for the tears to stop. 

I still held my head high not showing to my friend how devastated how I’ve felt, so I transferred to an expensive apartment by myself, using whats left of my savings and by myself. I was dragging around my bags and trying to still steal myself from whats happening. When I was in my apartment, it just worsen how I feel, so empty. I didn’t have anythings, I didn’t even have my own bed sheets and pillows. You might ask, then why I transferred and get the apartment, because my friend couldn’t accommodate me after the weekend had passed, cause his uncle is gonna come and visit, and let me remind you that it is a classroom that I’ve slept in. 

The next day I just push myself to go and buy stuff for the apartment by myself, and dragging around heavy stuff too, considering that its 4 floors high. Even though, I had an apartment to sleep in, I walked around the place like a homeless person. I only eat once a day just to save up money that I have left, considering I even have to buy water.  Aside from that friend who made me stay with him, all of my old classmates and old friends weren’t here to at least even have conversation with them. 

Before I started to follow up my requirements for work, I have looked around for dormitories that would help me save money at least, and I found my old dormitory. I transferred  right away cause it would help me save money regardless of the electricity and water bill. Even if I was so down, I had my friend save me and took over my old apartment even if they didn’t like it. Again, I never felt so ashamed and heart broken.  Going forward with the work requirement, I had to spend extra just because of my back condition. I was also anemic so I had to go see a doctor. How can you be not anemic if you are only eating once a day, and less sleep, I was so bombarded with problems, like one problem to another problem.  That finished, start working 8pm - 4am every day, paid, $250 a month, thats the only  job I can get without having a degree is how supposed to be in the Philippines. Isn’t it sad and unfair? Everyday at work I felt so lost and I couldn’t get my head straight with the training considering that I was so hungry and it was so hard to adjust with the work schedule. All technical training and something that I haven’t touched ever in my life; I felt like I was afloat but I kept forcing myself with out even have the energy anymore, but then again I do not have any more choice, do I?

When I get home, I couldn’t stop thinking about how to pay rent and pay the enrollment fee when I do not have anybody to depend on anymore aside from my patient boyfriend. I honestly thought that my boyfriend would leave me or wouldn’t be able to help me, because thats how of an asshole and negative I am. I mean who could blame me, not all people stay when they are in the worse situations. But he stayed along the troubles of my life, but it was a while when he can help me because of the vacation time he took to come here in Philippines to meet my family. 

[I should put it out there how much I have thought of disappearing and killing myself, just to end everything. But the thought of that just makes me sadder since I have accepted defeat if I do that, thats the lowest of low I can think of myself. But I won’t lie how much I have considered it and every moment I have would always remind me how much down hill my life spiraled down to and to this day, it still makes my eye so teary. ] 

So every afternoon, I pushed myself to go to work and hoping to get a good meal at work before I go work while I sleep the whole morning, meeting new people and classmates.  Despite that, I never felt so lonely anymore, aside from my constant video calls with my boyfriend but I actually had people to talk to. My new classmates (at work). At first I kept to myself, like I really need something or someone come into my life even if how crazy and depressing had it became at the first place, and for some new people it was a little hard to blend in since these are very young people. I’m just right over there in the side trying to observe, even some people are so judgmental, there are also people who are actually nice and they do not care what status you have as long as you’re cool with them.  The first few weeks were so hard since I had to be awake at 12am til 4am, and I catch myself sleeping at training too.  At first I thought everything is gonna look brighter, and it did... for a while. 

While I was working along with the call center job, I got a call from my old Dean. She offered to interview me cause they are looking for a new instructor. By then I felt like God has given me the chance to catch up. I thought that taking that job instead being a call center agent would actually be an advantage since its something that I have experience with; so I made my biggest mistake, I considered.  She invited me to have the demo; so there is one thing I need to do. Quit my current job. Biggest mistake of my life. Seriously had a fight with my boyfriend because he thinks that I should still stay at work while I do that demonstration, which I should’ve have listened to!!! but as confident and proud as I am, I went the other way and told him I needed my full attention to create the demo. As a loving and patient boyfriend he is, he still supported my decision. So I quit my job, earning only like less than $90 and took the freaking resignation.  So there I was prepared to do my demonstration, just to be told that she had an emergency so she had to ask another instructor to sit in for her instead. I did my demonstration and I felt like I did good, even the instructor who watched me said so. I waited and waited and waited, I even offered time to help with my former teachers to kill time to teach and demonstrate for free. I waited until it was my niece's baptism.  I went home and fix the awkwardness between me and my family. Had to confirm to my grand mother that i did not leave Ozamiz just to hide a pregnancy, thats how low they think of me, and had to hold Yana and really see her.  I stayed there for a while, having to play with Yana really made me forget what I went through and how I went through it.  Until ..  Me, my brother and his wife was watching a movie, the Dean just tagged me in facebook for a job opening. She didn’t say anything but I got her point, but I still messaged her confirming what she’s really trying to tell me, and she just said she cannot help me anymore cause she just saved her ass because the Department is falling down because of the K12 program. There were no students enrolling for culinary because of the new school program where freshmen have to take 2 years pre college courses. 

I got so devastated but I think Yana and my boyfriend kept me together. I waited until I got the call for interview and assesment for my schooling. After I did the orientation, I went ahead and applied for jobs, somehow with Tess.  I really thought she wouldn’t go look for jobs since they’re rich and they have business to think about, but with a temporary problem she’s facing with her family, she left their house and went her to Cebu. Day and night we have been together looking for jobs, but as days passed I felt like she’s changing her mind. She felt practical and have to do the business instead since she’s planning to go to Korea, and the only way she can get the visa is with helping her parent’s business. 

So I’m left alone again. 

I had been constantly trying to apply for coffee shops, kitchen, and online jobs and neither one of them actually considered. I failed online tests, I didn’t receive any callbacks and it just gotten me sad but I do not let myself get back to that depression again. I called my boyfriend and I told him I am trying as much as I could and as my resources can help me, he just told me to focus on my schooling and he will help me; but still stubborn me, I cannot let anybody suffer because of me. I needed to help myself as well, but I kept trying, circumstances are just trying to defy my luck. Dad called and he said the same thing, really surprised me. I thought my Dad would be the same as what he was like grandma, but he actually confided me to focus in school instead of pressuring myself to look for jobs that I know I cannot keep for long since I have a thesis thinking about in the future when school really starts for me.  So now I’m right here, doing a blog of my life, how miserable and good it had become but I still feel very lost because I feel like I’m slacking off and I couldn’t really keep myself “chill” because I am always restless. I have always thought that every time is gold, there is something I can always do aside from moping around sleep all day. And it breaks my heart thinking that my boyfriend cannot have what he wants because he is sending me his money to help me as well as Dad helping me along the way, even though he should have saved that money for his retirement.  Thats a lot for me to say and putting myself out vulnerably out there to random strangers who would read this or for my future self to read how stupid and helpless I was when I was younger.  I know I have a lot more worse experience when I was younger, considering how much of a failure I saw myself when I worked in the cruise ship, all my experience, the mental attack, sexual harassment, home sickness, and the embarrassment, but maybe I just thought of this because of how something I tasted so sweet and seen joy in my life in Saipan, spiraled down to how lonely and depressed I have become.  Is this life?