#he had this huge burden on his shoulders and tried to do his best but it wast just never enough

[vilnan]

leandra blaming hawke for their sibling(s) death(s) is so narratively 👌👌👌

[xyfanficarchive]

here, have some incredibly personal laios x reader hurt/comfort, written as therapy in the form of reader insert bcos i was sad today, might be a bit ooc idk man :)

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“You know, I actually love when you ask me for things, when you tell me you’re feeling down, or if I’ve upset you.”

You raised your red-rimmed, apprehensive gaze to meet Laios’ eyes, clear and completely earnest as he smiled at you. Weakly, you tried to return the expression. It didn’t feel very convincing.

“It makes me feel like you love me and trust me. That you trust me enough to be honest - that you trust me to comfort you, to do better by you, that you believe in me and my ability to meet your needs, that you believe I can be there for you in a way that makes you happy,” he elaborated, reaching his hands out and taking yours. “I feel valued.”

You flitted from golden eye to golden eye, searching his expression desperately for any inconsistency, any unfinished edge, any loose thread that would unravel his perfect honesty and found none. Your frail smile faltered. He was like the life-giving sun, but you felt as though you were in the desert being beat down by his radiance. You wanted to shrink away, and your shoulders hunched. Oh that sentiment was so nice, and certainly he meant it. But that just meant it would hurt exponentially more when he was done with you, when he finally realized-

“What’s going on? What are you thinking?” He stooped his head closer to yours, and tears welled up in your eyes, your lips parted in a wince as you shook your head. Laios’ brow furrowed. “No, something’s wrong. This is what I mean: I want to help you, you want me to help you, but I can’t unless you tell me what’s going on! So please just tell me what you’re thinking!” The urgency in his voice struck you like an arrow through the heart.

It wasn’t like you could be much more humiliated than you already were. It felt like it was already over, it was going to blow to pieces either way. Your thoughts felt slippery as you gathered them as best you could, your vision starting to blur. You turned your gaze downwards, you couldn’t even look Laios in the eye as you drew a shaky breath in.

“You say that, but,” your voice was quiet, “you don’t understand - we’ll both regret it when you realize…” The words caught, you couldn’t say it.

“When I realize what?” He insisted.

The few seconds of silence felt like an hour. Then, quiet as a whisper, you admitted, with much difficulty: “My needs… my feelings… I’m really hard to deal with… I'm too much... You’ll realize I’m a huge fucking burden, and then you won’t want me anymore!!” You sobbed, and before the tears could fall you covered your face with your hands and hung your head, feeling two inches tall, feeling so deeply embarrassed and ashamed to the core of your being. You wished you could just disappear.

"You think I don't already know you're a burden?"

The words shocked and pained you so deeply you stopped crying, eyes shot up in gape-mouthed, grief stricken disbelief as you recoiled. He was fast with it. All these years, nobody had ever affirmed your belief so directly, nobody had ever stated it so plainly. You'd heard many empty platitudes that were hard to believe, precisely because in the end they had always proved you right - whatever you needed the most, whenever you needed it the most, you were always left in the dust, alone and despairing, and feeling like the biggest idiot in the world for your blind hope.

You saw his face change - he cringed, looking extremely pained, and with panic started to explain: "D-Don't get me wrong! Agh..." For a moment he held his brow in his palm, then took a deep breath, composing himself before he continued. He grabbed you by the shoulders.

"Everyone's a burden, aren't they? Just thinking of my friends - Marcille is really picky and particular. Chilchuck is way too proud and secretive, and he drinks a lot. Falin is my little sister, so I have to be there for her, look out for her. And Senshi... Well, Senshi seems to have a lot figured out already." He paused, and broke eye contact for a moment to look at the floor. "And we all know how I am..." His tone was incredibly loaded, and your heart broke because he was the brightest and most vibrant being you had ever met, having faced a lifetime of hardship and betrayal and still coming out the other side so true to himself.

He leaned in closer to your face. "The point is, though, they all have needs - and they know how to ask for help when they need it! You only ask for help when it becomes an emergency. If even then." His expression softened. "I know you have lots of needs. I know because I've worked really hard to meet them, without embarrassing or scaring you by asking. And it meant a lot of thinking, constant planning, lying awake at night wondering, asking everyone for advice... It's tiring work." He went down the list and you broke his gaze, looking downwards. You felt low, ashamed at all the trouble you've caused him, all because you tried to be no trouble at all. What a right mess you've made.

"Hey, look at me," his hand came up, fingers resting so gently on your jaw, and your watery eyes obliged. "I did it because I wanted to! It makes me happy to see you happy, or fulfilled, or relieved, and to know that it's because of me! I did all of that because I love you! But I can’t keep up with all that hard work all the time. I don’t think it’s fair.” You had been fending off the tears as you listened but now the dam broke again, hot as they rolled down your face, and you sniffled as your nose clogged up. “So can you please help me help you easier? Would you please help me love you like that?” His eyes were glassy now as he looked down at you.

The cry came out of your throat as a whine as Laios took you in his arms, embracing you tight while you sobbed into his chest, clutching at the fabric of his shirt around his back. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorryyy,” you repeated through the tears and he shushed you, holding you while you cried it out until your gasping, hiccuping breaths slowed and calmed.

It was hard to say what you needed to say next, because you had to admit you were wrong about something you had believed so deeply for most of your life. It wasn’t easy to fully give up the idea that had kept you safe for so long. “I’ll try to be more honest about my feelings… and to ask for help before it’s too late…” Still in his embrace you lifted your head to look up at him, and stared into his eyes with intensity. “It’s terrifying, I won’t lie. But… I trust you.” How couldn’t you trust someone who was so deeply genuine as he was?

He leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead between your brows, and your eyes rolled closed. When he pulled away you turned your head and pressed your ear to his chest. “I want you to be happy. I want this to work. I love you so much,” he said, and you felt the words rumble against your cheek.

“I love you too,” you murmured, lulled by the sound of his breath and heartbeat.

[daisynik7]

Out of Time Part Two - Nanami x f!reader

Click here for Part One!

Rating: Explicit - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

cw: PIV sex (doggy, cowgirl), cunnilingus, fingering, spit play, nipple play, cum-eating, dirty talk, cream pie, multiple orgasms, just downright filthy smut, alright?

Word Count: ~3.7k

Summary: Finished with your thesis, and a huge weight lifted off your shoulders, you can finally focus on the only other thing occupying your mind the past forty-eight hours: Kento Nanami, the man you met two nights ago at your favorite bar, the one you shared an unforgettable evening with. Through serendipity, and with a little help from your friends, two well-acquainted strangers reconnect for one more night. Author's Notes: The very smutty part two of this little fic! I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it! Likes, reblogs, and/or comments are always appreciated! Thank you!

One last tap of your mouse on the Submit button and your thesis is complete. A week from today, you’re scheduled to present it in front of your faculty advisor and a few other professors, which you’re not concerned about considering you’ve dedicated hundreds of hours of research to this topic. A week after that, you’ll be handed your diploma, officially a graduate. With the written portion finished, you feel a giant burden lifted off your shoulders, one that’s been weighing on you since the start of the semester. For the first time in months, you’re free. 

You collapse onto your bed, staring up at the ceiling, smiling. Besides ridding yourself of the dreaded essay, there’s another big reason why you’re giddy: Kento Nanami. You’ve tried your best to keep him in the back of your mind, at least until you submitted your paper. However, it’s been quite the challenge, especially after the unforgettable evening the two of you shared two nights ago. It’s a faraway dream you let yourself indulge in. Too good to be true, too perfect to be real. You said your goodbyes without exchanging phone numbers. Still, it doesn’t hurt to fantasize about it. Right?

You check your phone for the first time since yesterday, basically isolating yourself from the outside world. There are several texts from Gina, making sure you’re alive. A couple from other group chats, the usual collection of messages you’re used to seeing after staying offline for more than a day. However, one from an unknown number captures your attention. You’re almost certain it’s spam, ready to block and delete without a second thought. You check it anyways, unprepared for what you’re about to read.

~~~

Two nights ago

Nanami presses his palms together, almost in prayer, tapping his fingers to his nose. He stares at Gojo, who has that typical shit-eating grin plastered on his face, typing away on his phone. After several minutes of discussion, Nanami agrees to accept Gojo’s help to reconnect with the woman he kissed tonight, the one who left him with this odd fluttering sensation in his belly.

“Alright. I sent it. Now we wait,” Gojo says, stretching his arms out. When there’s no response within five minutes, he stands up, getting ready to sleep, leaving his phone on the bed. Nanami is too anxious to leave his current position, willing for a reply to come soon. Thankfully, the universe grants his wishes, the phone vibrating and flashing a notification with Gina’s name on it. 

“Gojo, she texted you back,” he yells out to his friend, staring at the screen. He’s tempted to check the message himself, but Nanami is still a man of reason, not wanting to invade his friend’s personal property.

“You can read it,” Gojo says from the bathroom, sounding like he has a toothbrush shoved in his mouth. “Go ahead, buddy. I know you want to.”

With permission granted, he unlocks the phone, clicking on the familiar icon to view their conversation:

Gojo: Hey beautiful, can you give me your friend’s #? Nanami is smitten and the dumbass forgot to ask for it.

Gina: LOL I’ll give it but tell the croissant man to text her AFTER she submits her thesis.

Gina: so in 2 days

Gina: and tell him she’s smitten too.

Nanami can’t contain his smile at the last text. 

~~~

You read the message, so surprised, you double back and do it again, this time more carefully. 

Hi, this is Nanami. Congrats on finishing your thesis. If you’re free tonight, we should celebrate.

A rush of thoughts invades your mind. Somehow, he found your number, most likely from Gojo, who asked Gina. But it’s the fact that he wanted to find you, to contact you, that has your head spinning in a pleasant frenzy. You were convinced that after that night, you’d never see him again. You also assumed that him living in Tokyo, almost one hour from here, would be a deal breaker. But if there’s one thing you learned about Nanami that fateful night, it’s that he’s a man of many surprises. 

His last sentence sticks out to you the most. He’s offering to celebrate tonight. Does that mean he’s willing to take the hour-long journey just to see you? Or is it possible that he’s here? Not one to entertain mysteries, you decide to give him a call instead of responding through text. First, you save his number under his name, resisting the strong urge to add a little heart emoji next to it, then you prepare yourself before dialing. 

After two rings, he picks up. “Hello?”

“Hi, Nanami. It’s me.”

He chuckles softly. “It’s you.”

“I’d love to take you up on your offer. Maybe we can meet halfway so you don’t have to travel so far.”

“That’s unnecessary. I’m actually still here.” He hesitates before continuing. “I booked the hotel room for a few more nights. Gojo left and it’s just me.” Another pause. “I’m not trying to seduce you or anything, but I would really like to see you again.”

You giggle to yourself, though you’re sure he hears it too, with the way you catch the hitch in his breath. “Me too. Let’s meet at the same bar then, tonight at 8. We can grab a drink or something.”

“Or something,” he repeats, the grin on his face audible through the phone. “That sounds wonderful. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Oh, and Nanami?”

“Yes?”

“Maybe I’m in the mood to be seduced tonight.”

With that, you hang up, smirking, heading to your closet to find the perfect outfit.

~~~

Nanami doesn’t get flustered easily, but whatever powers this woman possesses over him, it’s working. Because he is most definitely flustered. 

Maybe I’m in the mood to be seduced tonight.

Her parting words replay in his head over and over. In all honestly, it shouldn’t surprise him, considering what they almost did inside that karaoke room. Still, he’s caught off guard by her boldness. And very much turned on. He paces his hotel room, checking his watch to calculate how much time he has until they meet. A couple hours to go. He’s tempted to call her and see her now, but he doesn’t want to come on too strong. He reminds himself that patience is a virtue, and tonight will be well worth the wait. There are a few errands he thinks of to distract himself, the day passing relatively quickly until it’s time for him to get ready. 

He steps out of the hotel around 7:50 PM, dressed in his typical attire: tan suit, navy blue dress shirt underneath, and his signature spotted tie. His glasses are tucked inside his breast pocket for safe keeping. As he crosses the street to approach the bar, he feels the nerves jittering through his body. He doesn’t want this to end up being a big disappointment, for either him or her. 

Upon entering, he doesn’t expect to see her yet. Nanami is used to being early to things; he prides himself in being punctual, and rarely expects that from anyone else. So when he does spot her, standing at one end of the bar, stunning in a black dress that accentuates her beauty in the most dazzling way, all his worries disappear. The only thought in his mind is that he wants this woman, needs this woman. And if it’s only for one more night, he’s going to make the most out of it. 

She immediately notices him, a bright smile on her face as he walks towards her. With a wave, she greets him. “Nanami. You found me.”

“I found you,” he responds, returning her grin. “Congrats on finishing your thesis.”

“Thank you. I’m so relieved.” 

There’s a slight pause as Nanami studies her, trying not to be too obvious. She does the same, her eyes slowly checking him out from head to toe. Deciding to be completely candid tonight, no holding back, he says, “You’re beautiful.”

She giggles, averting her gaze away from him, nervous. “Thank you.”

“Why did you have to wear a dress like this tonight?” he asks, leaning closer to her. He wants to touch her hand, hold it between his. The memory of them dancing together in the karaoke room the other night feels distant; he wants to remember the softness of her skin, the way their fingers lock together perfectly. 

“Do you not like it?” she asks.

“You know I do.”

“So what’s the matter?” She bats her eyelashes, teasing him. She knows exactly what she’s doing. 

Something in him snaps. He can’t control himself anymore. The desire to finish what they started takes over. Bowing his head, he whispers in her ear, “I’m trying to be good, I really am.”

With a wicked smirk on her face, she replies, “I don’t want you to be good. I want you to be mine.”

Minutes later, they’re stepping into the elevator of the hotel, hand-in-hand, Nanami’s face flush, anticipating what’s about to occur. Once the doors close, he remains still, desperately wishing she makes the first move. Seconds in, his wish is granted. She tugs at his tie, pulling him in for a kiss, hungry and eager. His hands roam to her waist, gripping her tightly, fingertips pressed shallow into her flesh through the fabric. He can’t wait to strip this off her, worship her bare body, touch every centimeter of her supple skin. Run his tongue along her most sensitive spots, make her whimper in pleasure. It’s all he’s thought about the last two nights. 

Once inside the room, he gently pushes her against the closed door, kissing her deeply, tongue swirling around hers. His fingers reach for the zipper behind her dress, slowly pulling it down until it’s split, exposing her back. He feels for the clasp of her bra, undoing it in an instant. She undresses from the top, shoving the clothing off her shoulders and wiggling out, now naked from the waist up. He admires her breast before dipping down to wrap his lips around her nipple, tugging at it between his lips as she hums in pleasure. He’s gentle with her, unsure what her limit is when it comes to things like this. But he’s not sure how much longer he can hold back. 

“You can suck them harder, if you want,” she whispers, watching him. “I like it a little rough.”

It takes everything in him to not growl on the spot. He feels like an animal in heat, lust fueling every carnal desire he possesses. Permission granted, he suckles at her peaked tits, his entire mouth surrounding her breast. His free hand grasps at her other nipple, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger, teasing her until she swears wantonly,  “Oh fuck!” Her head thrown back against the door, eyes shut tight, fingers buried in his blonde hair. He flicks his thumb across her swollen teat when he relaxes his grip. He wants her sore and satiated when he’s done with her. Test out all the ways he can make her come, whether from his cock, his fingers, his mouth. Whatever he can do; he wants to give her his all tonight. 

In a haste, he sheds his tan blazer, tossing it to the floor. The rest of his outfit follows, until he’s clad only in his briefs, with his erection tight against the fabric, a spot of precum leaking through. She makes her way to the bed, sliding the rest of her dress off, panties clinging to her, waiting for him. He hurries over, grinning as he positions himself beside her, caressing her cheek, kissing her slowly, relishing the way her mouth melts into his. His fingers gradually trail down, memorizing every curve of her body, in case they run out of time again. He’s unsure what the future holds for them. So he’ll spend the entire night if he has to, learning everything about her until he knows her like the back of his hand, until she’s familiar in his mind.  

He breaks the kiss to latch his mouth onto her breast, cupping it in one hand, his other between her legs, silk panties already damp. Rubbing at the wet spot, his cock twitches, feeling her arousal on his fingertips. She spreads her legs wider, moaning, running her fingers along his tousled hair. “I love it, Nanami. I love it.”

He hooks his finger around the crotch of her panties, sliding it off completely. With a pop, he releases her from his mouth, kneeling beside her to study her naked form. “God, you’re so beautiful. I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

She sits up, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’m the lucky one.”

“We’re both lucky, then,” he says, nuzzling his nose to hers. 

Giggling, she presses her lips to his. “Didn’t think you’d be this lovey-dovey.”

“Do you want me to be mean? I can do that too.” He nips at her bottom lip, smirking. 

She laughs again. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Oh, you’re asking for it, aren’t you? Naughty girl.” He grabs at one of her ass cheeks, squeezing at her plush flesh. “Always trying to seduce me.” 

“Who, me? I’m innocent,” she teases, pouting at him. She palms the erection confined in his briefs. He bucks his hips at the contact, swearing, “Fuck, I can’t take it anymore. I need to taste you now.”

Leaning back against the pillows, she spreads her thighs wide with a wicked look on her face. “Go ahead, then. Help yourself.”

~~~

Your cheeks are hot with arousal, nipples swollen and sensitive from Nanami’s torment. His erection is strained beneath his underwear, unbearably uncomfortable. He slips his thumb beneath the band and slides it down his legs, boner springing free against his abdomen. Your pussy throbs, yearning for his thick girth inside you. Without wasting any more time, he positions himself between your legs, flicking his tongue at your clit. His lips surround you, sucking at your bud until it’s plump in his mouth, swishing his spit around it. Pleasure radiates from your core, causing you to spasm. He hums against your skin, amused at your reaction, his movements becoming sloppier by the second the deeper he dives into you. He teases his middle finger along you entrance. “Can I finger you?” he asks, voice muffled as his tongue continues to work on you. 

You nod erratically, willing to agree to whatever he offers you. He slides in slowly, the lewd squelch of his thick finger against wet skin enough to push you close to the edge. He inserts his ring finger next to the middle, curling the tips as far as they can reach, brushing your sweet spot. That, in conjunction with the relentless slurping of your clit, has you in a fucked-out daze. 

Without warning, he pulls out of you, causing you to whine from the sudden emptiness. He studies his digits, glistening in your arousal, and sticks them inside his mouth. You watch with your tongue lolling out of your mouth in a dumb expression, in awe as he slurps and swallows your slick like a treat he’s been waiting for all fucking night. He smiles at you, meeting your gaze, clearly enjoying your expression at the little stunt he just performed. “Are you okay?” he asks, lowering himself back towards your pussy, waiting for your answer before he resumes. 

You nod once more, too bewitched by him to respond coherently. He spits on your pussy, thick and syrupy, smearing it over your puffy clit. He repeats this a few times, drenching you in his warm saliva. Suddenly, it’s all too much. There’s tightness in your abdomen, body becoming rigid as your reach your high. That doesn’t stop him; he continues to lap at your arousal, growling, “Come all over my face. Give it to me.” It’s not until your twitching from overstimulation that he slows down. With one last kiss, he pulls off, mouth and chin sticky with your cum. He licks around his lips, collecting whatever he can to swallow. You start to relax against the mattress, head dizzy from the aftermath of your intense orgasm. Still, you’re aching to feel him deep inside you. 

“Don’t stop,” you utter. “I want you inside me.”

He looks at you, concerned. “Are you sure?”

You reach for him, tugging him close to you. “Absolutely sure. Don’t hold back on me.” 

Chuckling in that low, sexy voice, he answers, “As you wish, princess.” He sits up beside you, rolling you on top of him so that you’re straddling his lap. “I want you like this,” he whispers into your ear, giving you a smack on your ass. You drape your arms around his shoulders, holding onto him securely, ready for the ride. He guides his cock inside you, slipping in smoothly. Breath hot on your ear, he asks, “Can you give me another one? Just one more before I come?”

You nod lazily without speaking, rocking your hips against him, hooked on the feeling of him buried deep inside you. He bounces you on his cock like his own personal sex doll, body pliant, slamming down easily on his dick. It’s addicting, the way he pumps into you, fucking your sweet spot like it’s never been fucked before. “Does this feel good? When I fuck this pretty pussy?” He scatters chaste kisses along your neck, dewy from perspiration. 

“Yes, oh fuck yes,” you manage to say weakly, all your energy drained from being fucked into a frenzy.   

“Make yourself come again. Want it really creamy,” he huffs, head bowed, watching his dick disappear in and out of your tight cunt. You moan at his filthy words, reaching between you, toying with your slippery bud. It doesn’t take long for you to come again, your sticky mess coating his cock with each thrust. “I’m coming!” you cry out, clenching his broad shoulders. 

He follows, shooting his load inside you, thrusting until every last drop is released into your womb. You kiss him passionately, clinging to him closely, enough to feel the subtle thump of his heartbeat through his chest. It’s intimate the way your bodies meld to together, seamless and a perfect fit. Like it was truly meant to be. 

You carefully lift yourself off his lap, collapsing next to him. You’re spent, light-headed from pleasure, convinced that the both of you have hit your limit. But, as always, Nanami surprises you. “I’m not done with you yet,” he says, dragging you roughly to the edge of the bed where he stands, grip firm around your waist. “I want to fuck my cum even deeper inside you. Fill you up so it’s leaking out until tomorrow morning. Think you can take it?”

This switch in behavior doesn’t alarm you; in fact, it spurs you on, makes you instantly forget about your foggy brain and tired limbs. You crane your neck to look at him, meeting his lust-filled gaze. “Oh fuck, Nanami. I want it. Give it to me.”

He doesn’t hold back, per your request from earlier, and he does give it to you, fucking you feverishly into the mattress. Face buried into a pillow, biting to muffle the shameless moans spilling out of your mouth with each savage thrust. The bed frame starts to creak, his movements becoming more erratic as he approaches his second climax. He sputters nonsense, spilling inside you, too sensitive now to speak coherently. It takes a moment for him to calm down, pulling out slowly to watch his cum dribble out of you. With a pleased smile on your face, you crawl towards the middle of the bed, not caring about the mess, and retreat under the covers, closing your eyes. You feel the bed sink, Nanami joining beside you, arms wrapping you in a snug embrace, lips pressed to your forehead. 

“I’m sorry,” he starts. “I got a little carried away. I’m not usually like this.”

You let out a small laugh, opening your lids halfway. “That’s what they all say,” you tease him, resting your palm on his chest. 

“I mean it. If you feel at all concerned or offended by this, I – ”

You interrupt, placing a finger to his lips, shushing him. “Nanami, I liked it. A lot.” You hesitate before admitting, “I like you. A lot.”

His eyes widen at your confession. “What?”

Giggling, you repeat, “I like you, Nanami. I want to keep seeing you.” Suddenly, you feel embarrassed. You’re not even sure if he feels the same way about you. Quickly, you add, “If you don’t feel the same way, I understand. I can leave now if you want me to –”

It’s his turn to interrupt, this time with a kiss. It’s slow and smooth, no rush. When he breaks away, he whispers, “I like you, too. A lot. A whole lot.” 

You kiss again, relief and glee swelling in your chest. The two of you fall asleep in each other’s arms, his chin tucked to the top of your head, your face nestled into the crook of his neck. Your steady heartbeats lulling you into a peaceful slumber. 

~~~

Nanami can’t remember the last time he felt this kind of joy. In all honestly, maybe this is the first. 

He wakes up in the morning, the sun streaming through the curtain windows, illuminating his hotel room with a brilliant golden light. Best of all, she’s snuggled into his body, comfortable and cozy, as if she belongs here. It feels right. 

He watches her for a while before her eyelids flutter open. Catching him, she yawns, “Good morning.”

“Good morning.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 10. We have to check out soon.”

Frowning, she says, “We’re out of time again.” 

He nuzzles his nose to hers. “Just for today. But you and me, we have all the time in the world now, don’t we?”

She beams at him. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.”

They cuddle in silence for a few more moments before she suggests, “Want to get some croissants?”

Unable to contain his smile, he responds, “I thought you’d never ask.”

[tmntxthings]

Can i please hsc or oneshot angst for raph (2018)

∑一Change・゜・。

author’s notes: O.o angst you say? I saw this tiktok and the sound made me so sad!! SO INSPIRATION!

warnings: hurt / no comfort, angst, short, drabble, unedited

—————————————————————————

Raph thought, that as long as he tried his best, things would work out.

It seemed simple enough. And in most cases, his best got things done. When it came to his family, he was able to keep his brothers out of trouble for the most part. He was able to provide for them. To distract them from the many problems that surrounded their home as well as stepping up when Dad couldn’t.

It got easier with time. And Dad healed, he became a parent again. Raph didn’t have the same responsibilities that he felt only he could shoulder. But still, it was hard to change those habits. Always feeling the need to carry the burdens. To be the one to fix things.

Communication is always key. Raph learned the hard way that bottling up his emotions only led to having a huge blow up later on. So he did his best when it came to his relationship with you. He didn’t want to be the reason things fell apart between the two of you.

So he did his best.

But as he watched you turn to leave, without even trying to talk to him about what was wrong. He didn’t know what to think. It had to be him. Something had to be wrong with him.

“Y/n!”

He called out to you. But you only shook your head and continued walking further away.

So he went after you. “Can’t we talk about this?” He called after you. His snaggletooth digging into his lower lip nervously as you continued to ignore him.

Slipping past your form before you could reach the ladder that led to the manhole cover. His body a blockade though it wasn’t his intentions to force you to stay. He just wanted to talk to you!

“Please,” he pleaded. “Just tell me what I have to do.” His hand went out, reaching for your own. He couldn’t help himself but try to find any sense of comfort in this moment. He liked your touch. You were warm. You had always been a safe place for him. For his feelings. Even if you were angry with him. “Tell me what I need to change, and Raph will change.”

It would be just that easy for him. He would do anything you wanted. He could be different. Whatever you didn’t like he’d change it. Whatever it was that he did to upset you, he’d make sure it wouldn’t happen again.

“…Raph” you said in a solemn tone, tugging your hand away from his hold.

His heart broke. He didn’t reach for you again. But he went down on his knees before you. Making himself smaller. He needed to be smaller.

“No no, Y/n! You make me happy, we make each other happy!” Raph said with absolute certainty. But as your face met his, it was the epitome of hopelessness. “Don’t we?” He cried out in despair. Not understanding. Needing you to spell it out for him. He wasn’t smart enough to figure it out on his own. He wasn’t like Donnie. He wasn’t like Leo.

“I thought-“ your voice broke, the back of your hand going up to cover it as you held back a sudden sob. It was all Raph could do to stay still. To not instantly scoop you into his arms and hold you close. To calm you down and tell you that everything would be okay. He’d fix it. But he stayed in his place as you recovered yourself.

“I thought this could work. When we were young and stupid, but Raph… I’m human and you’re..” the hand covering your mouth went down as it gestured towards Raph’s form. Mutant. Was the word that went unsaid. He was other. He wasn’t human. But he hadn’t thought… you hadn’t seemed to mind…

In those quiet moments where it was just you and him. When you would lean closer than friends would get. How you would constantly text him.

“I just don’t think it’ll work Raph. It was nice to pretend. It was nice to dream. But I’ve got to be realistic. I can’t spend my life down here.”

In the sewers. In the shadows. Raph didn’t want that for you either. Maybe he had been too selfish. For ever thinking that the happiness the two of you shared was something that couldn’t be broken. He had thought his bond with you was so strong.

Slowly, Raph got up from his knees. He shuffled away from the ladder. “Oh,” was all he could say in response. He felt… how did he feel? It was hard to describe. But you didn’t hesitate to linger. You started to climb.

It seemed like this wasn’t something he could fix. He looked down at his hands. Big rough maws. Green. Not to mention the claws. Nothing like a humans. Nothing like yours. His hand closed into a fist as the manhole cover closed overhead.

He was disappointed. That was what he felt. Crazily enough, it was because he couldn’t change for you. Even though he desperately wanted to.

[stulili]

Only One Can Know

A Nightbringer story

Lucifer x GN!MC

Established relationship; SPOILER from Lesson 16 (OM!)

A/N: I’ve been playing with this idea for ages now, and it’s really piqued my interest: what if someone got to know the truth about the timeline? 

You’ve been in the past for a long time now, being the attendant of the brothers. You were working on getting home, you missed your timeline, however as long as you were here, you had to make the most out of the situation. In your timeline, Lucifer was your partner, husband or even more than that, so no wonder if it struck you when it turned out he doesn’t know you, and you had to start everything over again. However you never gave up, and now you’re lying on his bed, looking at your gallery on your phone while he’s working away the night like usual. You’ve had some advantage to have him wrapped around your finger again, since you knew him like the back of your hand after all that time. Yet it was still no easy task.

You looked at your folder where your favorite photos were, and found a good cookie recipe you really wanted to share with him. 

-Lucifer! - You called out for him, who lazily looked at you from the papers, eyes sparkling with innocence and fatigue. -Do you want me to make this snack for you?

He squinted his eyes, but unable to recognize whatever’s on your screen. You noticed it, jumping up, and bringing it to him. As he took the phone out of your hand like a grandpa, he tried to adjust the distance for his eyes, when he accidentally swiped from the picture. An unintentional squeak escaped you as both of you now were watching a selfie of a man’s upper body with the title: “Sleep well, [Y/N]” 

It was a surprise from Lucifer in your timeline, which always made your heart skip a beat whenever you saw this spicy picture of him. And this time wasn’t a difference, but now for different reasons. You looked at Lucifer’s face, fearing his reaction. He was staring at your phone, his eyebrows knitted in disbelief. Even though there were signs it was him, probably how much of a surprise it was for him and the rage didn’t really let him think too clearly. His eyes squinted, having second thoughts and your phone almost crashed in his grasp. He tried his best to stay calm and considerate.

-[Y/N].... Would you care to explain who this guy is on your phone, addressing this kind of message and image to you?

-Ah, well… This is awkward… How should I go about this? -You swallowed big, trying to gather your thoughts. You must not tell anyone the truth, lest it ruins the timeline. Besides, telling him the truth would put extra pressure on his shoulders. -There’s something even you don’t know, but you have to trust me.

Lucifer’s eyes were like spikes through your chest, eager for further explanation, yet getting even more impatient as you nervously play with your hands.

-Alright, I’ll come clean. It’s you.

-Don’t even try to feed that to me. I don’t recall anything like this ridiculous posing. Besides, I would never do something like this.

-Well, you had some Demonus in your blood at the moment, I won’t deny… 

-Then why don’t I have this on my D.D.D.? Or in our chat at all?

The utter fear and helplessness is easily readable from your face, which Lucifer immediately spots, further encouraging his doubts.

-Lucifer, I… -Possibilities and consequences cross your mind, your mind and breathing gets heavy. It feels terrible to keep such a huge secret, to lie to the one who’s your most beloved being (in all of creation-). You almost trembled, making the situation worse. -I don't know how to explain it… Why is it so difficult… 

You sniffed, but Lucifer didn't seem convinced. He looked at you dead serious, while you were panicking. He didn't trust you enough. But you did trust him. 

-I'm sorry… I should tell you the truth. -You took a deep breath and sat down at the bed. -I didn't want to put an extra burden on you. If someone, you know the best how it feels to keep a secret from the ones you love the most in order to keep them safe. 

Lucifer's eyes clearly widen, unable to recognise where you're coming from. 

-What are you talking about?... 

-I know about Lilith. I know more about you, than you know about yourself.

-How pitifully naive, how could you-

-You saved Lilith. You let her live. 

-Do not dare to divert the subject. You were in a coma and I trusted you. Looks like you've heard it. What about it?... 

-I did hear it. But I didn't know it because of that. Remember the Ring of Light? 

-How…? How do you know about that? 

He asks with wide eyes, and you slowly pull it out from your pocket. 

-You gave it to me. 

Lucifer couldn't believe his eyes, as he took the ring out of your hand. 

-What are you talking about?... This really is the Ring of light. But how did it end up in your possession? 

-It's a long and difficult story. But you have to trust me. - You gently cup his hand, looking into his eyes with a worried expression. He gulps, and slowly nods. 

-I don't understand what it does with this picture, but you better not fool me. 

-You will think I'm a clown at first, yes. Because even I and Solomon are not sure what is happening exactly. 

-Solomon? What does that witty sorcerer have to do with all this?... Is it him? Why does he send pictures like this to you? - He almost growls. 

-Ah! No, don't get me wrong! It really is you, I didn't lie. It was the only picture you sent me of yourself like this. I really treasure this photo. 

-... 

-Lucifer… It sounds dumb, but you're my husband. In my…. well, timeline. 

Lucifer casually lifted an eyebrow, not knowing what to think. 

-I love you, but we’ve barely known each other for a few months. 

-You… Yes. But I've known you for years. Because I was sent from the future. 

A painful sigh left him. 

-Why…? I know you lie terribly, but what was this one?

-How could I prove it to you?... -You gasped and grabbed your D.D.D. from his table. - This must be it! This picture was the only spicy one YOU sent me, but I have many other selfies with you… And pictures I secretly took. 

Wild tapping and swiping on your phone, while Lucifer watched you in disbelief. You finally found a cute selfie which was in the Human World, at your home. You showed the photo to him, who went completely pale. 

-What in the… What am I looking at? Who is this guy in the eyeglasses? 

-It's you!... This was the first time you visited me, and I showed you around. I have a much smaller home than you, so the neighbors could hear how rough you were. -You giggled, swiping further, showing more pictures of both of you. 

-This is so weird… I don't understand. 

-I'm sorry. Solomon asked me to keep this a secret, since who knows how it will affect the timeline. I'm well aware this is a burden for you to know… 

-[Y/N]. How could you keep this from me for this long?... It must have been a terrible experience for you. I'm… sorry. I understand your actions now. I still have doubts, but I don't know what could explain these things. But why? 

-... I have no idea what we're doing here. I wish I knew. Because I miss you. It was too tough to earn your trust, yet here I am doing it again. It's all worth it, because I love you more than anything else.

-But you're doing it well. So far there's no one I would trust more than you. - Lucifer got up and slowly walked beside you to sit down and put a hand on your shoulder. -Thank you for sharing this with me. Your secret will be kept safe with me… However…

-Nope, don't you dare have any questions about our future! - You blushed, trying to shush him, who just laughed. 

-Alright then. I won't pry. The only thing that matters, that we will meet again in the future, right? 

-You are correct. And I will live here with you guys in the House of Lamentation… But no further spoilers. -You winked and planted a kiss on his cheek. 

[shapard]

Thorned🥀

Lucifer x fem!reader

Zombie Apocalypse

Today's song: MASC - Doja cat

Mention of gore, Violence

FYS

Chapter 3 < Chapter 4 > Chapter 5

The whole walk was again filled with silence. Lucifer threw some awful jokes to start a conversation with you, but you ignored him. 

Lucifer sighs and spun around to face you. “What’s wrong kitty cat?” you bit on your nail hard, “You’re really asking me that?” Lucifer raised his eyebrows at your aggressive undertone. 

“You! Why wouldn’t you let me help them!” You pointed your finger and tapped it hard on his chest. But Lucifers eyes stayed onto your e/c orbs.

The spirit that burned in your eyes was the same as Lilith and Charlie. This time he won’t sit at the back and watched, no.

Lucifer doesn’t want to lose the only friend he made in the last years. 

“You could’ve died when I didn’t interfere, Y/n!” He pulled all the air out of his lungs and pushed it harshly back in, “And I won’t watch one of my friends risking their live over some humans!” 

Lucifer clutched his collar in his hand to relief some of the stress that built up.

“Humans? Lucifer yes, they are humans. Just like you and me. They have a right to live!” Lucifer laughed in disgust.

You don’t get it.

“They would be already dead by the time you got down there kitty!” He breathed in deeply. Lucifers hand travelled onto both of your shoulders as he shook you softly.

Lucifer doesn’t want to fight with you, but fighting is better than letting you throw your life away like it’s an old piece of clothes. 

Tears started to blur your vision again. You were frustrated. The whole journey you felt like a burden rather than a help.

The only time you helped Lucifer is when he bullies his dick deep inside you. But that was all. You tried your best every time and yet it always had the wrong outcome. 

You whined as you wiped the tears out of your face. Why does it have to be so complicated? Out of stress your hands are locked with your hair, and you scratched on your scalp hard.

“Don’t act like you care about me!” You were surprised at your own outburst. Well now you really fucked up.

Lucifer let go of your shoulder and looked at you like you’ve grown a second head. 

“What?” Lucifer was in pure shock. The whole weeks he has been protecting you and you still think that he’s acting. “Do you really think I don’t?” Lucifer nails pressed down on his palm hard and gold blood started to drip down on the ground. 

Why is it gold? 

With a blink of your eyes the blood was replaced in a deep crimson color. Were you now Imagining things? 

“I could’ve just left when I had sex with you. I could’ve let you die when those two men saw you, but I didn’t. I was protecting you and risking my life for you!” Lucifer knows that you’re frustrated, yet so is he. 

When you looked at his frustrated expression the guilt started to burn down your throat. A knot builds in your throat, and you know you fucked up.

You never wanted to accuse him of such things, and yet here you are speaking nonsense. 

“I’m sorry-“ Your hand brushed his and he pulled away. It stings; however, it is your fault, and you shouldn’t be mad.

“Let’s go.” His voice was hard and cold. It felt like something stabbed your heart. You watched as he walked back into the darkness in the night. You silently followed him. 

You two neared a small village as you left the dark forest. The weight of your shoulder seems to just fly away.

Finally. 

When the both of you neared one of the houses a peak of light blue light shimmered through the door slot. You opened the door before Lucifer even reached the door. He gave you a scolded look but didn’t butt in. 

Lucifer hissed when the door loudly creaked. Noted: Lucifer has sensitive ears. 

You stepped slowly in, scared what you will find there. All you see was a huge monitor with complicated hardware. “Wow.” Lucifers fingertips travelled against the monitor, and you cringed. 

“Are you seriously touching the screen?” confused Lucifer looked at you, “yes?” You shook your head and laughed under your breath. This man.

You pressed on the left mouse button and the monitor switched on, blinding you with a white screen. You hissed at the burning sensation in your eyes.“Fuck! Who uses light mode!” You cursed as you rub your eyes, hoping it’ll ease the pain. Lucifers laugh was scratching more on your already bruised ego. Asshole.

“Stop laughing and help me.” You finally open your eyes and saw Lucifer clutching on his shirt, laughing hard wheezing. “Fucking Asshole.” You threw the nearest thing at him, which was a book. “Ouch! THAT HURTS!” Your shrug and chuckled, “Deserved.” He rolled his eyes, but the smile never left his face. 

Cute. 

Lucifer pressed few random buttons on the keyboard, “I think it’s broken.” He said when nothing happened. “Yeah, Albert Einstein. Of course, nothing will happen, when you press random buttons!” Lucifer turned around with a loud huff. 

“Let me handle it.” You moved the mouse and clicked on it, but nothing. You pressed a few commands but still nothing. “What is this shit?” Frustrated you slammed your hand on the keyboard and hissed at the pain. “HA!” Lucifers finger was pointed at you, and he teased you about how he was right. 

“I’m going to look around.” You said as you raised your hand giving Lucifer the middle finger. “Asshole.” Lucifer watched when you disappeared out of his sight. He shook his head, nonetheless his smile never faltered. 

Stupid Cat. 

He looked at the white screen from the monitor, maybe there was something they missed? He pressed his palm onto the cold screen and his hand started to glow in a warm gold. With a few seconds it rebooted. He looked at the opened document on the screen. In it was a picture and It oddly looked like one of those bombs. 

“Interesting.”

____

Without looking back, you walked down to the basement. This part of the building looked rather old. Every time your feet moved on the surface it would whine, you probably should go back up before anything happens.

You backed up slowly, hoping the ground wouldn’t give in under your weight. The stairs were in hand reach when crack! You fell through the floor. 

The old wood ripped your skin open leaving a trail of blood. 

Fuck. 

Ignoring your aching muscles, you continued to explore the new area. No zombie in sight. You hissed as with every step you took a splinter planted deeper into your soft flesh. If this doesn't get treated any near it'll infect.

Your eyes travelled onto a corpse that laid there. You scrunched your nose up at the disgusting smell of rotting flesh and the sight of maggots. 

A small hidden box was in the arms of the body. You closed your eyes and reached for it.

Maggots started to crawl into your direction, smelling the fresh blood from you. Before it could crawl into the open flesh, you pulled the box fast out of the corpse grasp. You opened one of your eyes, cafefully. 

Okay nothing happened.

You quickly gained some distance between you and the corpse. As you opened the box your eyes caught a single piece of paper. You reached for it and read the content of the piece of paper.

Experiment V.

Test object 001 seems to react towards the injection rather violent. 001 Started to attack the staff, ripping one of the women into pieces and eating her flesh. 

In the end 001 started to rip themself apart.

Declared: failure. 

002, 003 and 004 had the same symptoms.

Test Object 005 showed significant improvement.

It could talk and could think like a 6-year-old. She showed magnificent results.

She learned how to walk on her own and could eat like a human. One con, she prefers human flesh and ate again one of our staff's.

Declared: Failure

The rest of the Information was ripped apart. Your brain was hurting from all the thinking. 

Experiment V? Test objects? 

The behavior written on this paper from experiment 005 was oddly almost the same as your professor’s. You put the piece of paper into your little pocket. This is useful information. 

____

Meanwhile Lucifer was frantic looking for you. You two should leave immediately. 

Lucifer looked down on the document.

Self-destruction timer: 2 minutes.

Lucifer watched as the timer was counting down. He quickly realized that the two of you were in the middle of a bomb mine.

Whoever lived here wants to keep a secret before they go. 

A loud explosion sent Lucifer flying in the air and knocked the air out of him. He landed outside the house with blood travelling down his skull. The golden blood covered his face, and his vision was blurry. 

He gritted his teeth when he saw the burning house, you were still in it. He stood up and fell almost back down from the gravity. 

Being somehow Mortal almost like one of those humans you favor was giving him the ick. Being able to be hurt as the big boss himself, was a huge weight on his ego.

He ran shakily down to the basement. The smoke filling his lungs making it hard for him to see. He felt high. He stopped and Lucifer's red eyes stayed on your dismantled figure. Burnings littering your body. 

His heart pumped when he lifted you out of the building, his wings carrying the both of you outside into another house where it was safe. He scanned your figure and stopped when a pool of blood formed under your left arm. 

His eyes widened and he breathed in a tear when he looked at your missing arm. “No.”

A/n: The next Chapter will be interesting.

💫

@i-have-no-life-charlie @sirenetheblogger @concentratedconcrete @ylovei @cimadreamer @k1y0yo @avadakadabra93 @ayanazoldyck

If you want to be added please comment on the post I linked below under Taglist.

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[sashi-ya]

𝑹𝑶𝑶𝑴 𝟑𝟎𝟏 ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ𓂃 ࣪˖ byakuya k. x m! reader

⤹˚ synopsis. "I got so scared, I thought no one could save me. You came along, scooped me up like a baby. Every now and then, the stars align. Boy and boy meet by the great design. Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones this time?" - Lucky Ones by Lana del Rey.

requested by: Anonymous ➡ Sweets Hotel Ruby, Shibuya. for sub! Byakuya x male reader pls! Byakuya and reader discover a couple of kinks together! (You can decide which kinks!) tw: MNDI. Byakuya discovers what it is to be loved by a man. pure bromance that turns into romance. first time anal sex. usage of sex toys. rimming. mutual masturbation. usage of alcohol. purely inspired by this specific room at the Sweets Hotel Ruby (room 301) wc: 4.6k masterlist

It hasn’t been easy for him since Hisana passed. A lonely CEO, and heir of all the Kuchiki Industries for himself.

Rich, so rich. And lonely, and oh, so sad.

“I’m tired of telling you that you should go out once and for all, Byakuya” you demand, lying on his office huge -expensive- couch.

“And I’m tired of telling you I am not in the mood…” Byakuya sighs, as he fixes his glasses and keeps reading whatever documents he has on his desk.

You sigh, too. He hasn’t been able to scape the grief of his late wife. He couldn’t, even if that happened more than two years ago. You’ve been there, on endless nights where he couldn’t stood up from bed and those when you needed to drag him to the couch from his desk when he passed out over it from exhaustion. Nothing, absolutely nothing related to enjoyment had been a part of his life since Hisana’s death.

“You can’t live the way you do, Kuchiki” you grunt, standing up and walking out… offended, with your hand on your belly, barely lifting your flowy white shirt.

You have tried helping him before, but he hasn’t changed. You know he won’t. But you tried… However, this time, things take an interesting turn.

“FUCK!” Byakuya growls, followed by the sound of dripping liquids on the floor.

You quickly turn around to discover your best friend covered in -luckily- already cold tea. His white shirt completely dampened, his black suit trousers as well.

“You idiot, what happened?” you tell him, running to where he is sitting.

Byakuya doesn’t answer, he stays looking down at the damp patch on his clothes. His façade stays concealed by his onyx strands of silky, long hair raining down.

Your eyes soften; perhaps you’ve been too hard on him. Maybe it is time to be a little more sweet, like the first months when he wasn’t that hostile towards the whole world.

Your hands land on his shoulders, and your chin on the crown of his head. Staying there for some minutes, none of you two dare to speak nor say anything. A soft sobbing fills the ambience, and your heart breaks like porcelain being thrown with force to the ground…

How hard it is to see your best friend suffer… And how hard it is to keep hiding how much you love him, too.

“Byakuya, let me help you. You will get sick if you keep your clothes that wet” you whisper, lovingly and pitifully. There is honest worry in your words, but there is also desperation for him to cover up. The shirt has become see through, and despite knowing how he looks naked, the way his abs are showing so lustfully through it is killing you… guilt and need. Byakuya doesn’t like men. Or so you think. But even so, you are for him as close as a brother.

He takes some time to answer but finally nods in acceptance. He looks at you with steel night sky eyes flooded of incipient tears and the stare of a lamb that’s being taken to a slaughter.

You let him stand up, but he doesn’t walk away. Byakuya stands still, crestfallen, in front of you. He is waiting for a hug; you are sure of it.

You open your arms and let him come to your embrace, surrounding him once his wet chest hits yours.

“I know I’ve been a heavy burden for you. I am sorry. I know I can’t keep living the way I do…” he whispers, almost with his lips on your neck. Yet, his posture keeps being as “masculine” as commonly conceived can be.

“You are never a heavy burden to me, my… friend” you murmur, with your hand on his back tracing soft almost non-existent circles.

 Perhaps it has only been a few minutes, or maybe all the night but you would want for his body to be that close to yours as long as possible. However, you can feel his slightly shivering. “Come on, you need to change. You have a change of clothes in here, right?”

Byakuya nods, and slowly your hug breaks apart. You watch him walk to the part of his office that’s also a mini room. Byakuya asked for it to be built there, as the workaholic responsible ruler of his family economical emporium he is.

Soon, he comes back with a similar change. A lot more relaxed, though. Byakuya is not wearing a tie and has changed the Italian leather imported shoes to Gucci sneakers.

“I’m ready. Let’s go somewhere and drink something” he says, putting his hair into a messy hair bun.

Your heart wants to jump off your chest; your throat goes dry. Byakuya stands in front of you, looking handsome, with still a light pinkish halo around his eyes from crying but with a mild-mannered look that invites you to feel dizzy.

“You- you wanna go to a bar? Sure” you blink repeatedly, but couldn’t waste the opportunity of making your friend feel better… even if your insides were a total mess.    You repeat yourself to stop seeing him as more as a friend, but still, you are glad your shirt is flowy and long enough to cover your crotch…

The streets of Tokyo, are as always as busy as humid. Somehow it always rain during these nights. The lights reflect on wet spots as well as your manly walk through the Shibuya cross.

Many girls giggle as you pass, paying special attention to Byakuya’s unfriendly -and extremely hot- sight. He walks with his hands on his pockets, so unintentionally sensual he can be probably mistaken by a famous model.

You try to look away, but it’s almost impossible. Who would like to miss his attractive façade bathed by neon lights?

“I don’t know any fancy bar, we should have come with the car” you chime, trying to look for conversation, even if you are very used to him being silent and reserved.

“I am not searching for a fancy place; I want a cheap one. The cheapest you can find. I want to meet a common woman, someone” he says nonchalantly, almost incurring in a highly destructive future behaviour.

You swallow… “a woman…” you sigh, out loud.

Byakuya stops right on his feet. “What? Should I stay alone forever?” he asks, almost offended at you. You were pushing for him to go out and now you don’t want him to have “fun”?

“No, I meant… never mind. I know a place…” you murmur, it hurts your soul… but it is what it is.

Byakuya notices the change in your face, but he prefer to stay silent and look away. The little shadows casted on his cheeks by his long lashes kill you, but you look away too and start walking.

There is tension. A tension you never felt before in between you two. You swallow and guide him through little streets to get to a rather calm bar. You however, focused on the word “woman” forget that such place is very close to a rather famous -but curious- establishment…

“What the hell?” Byakuya asks, looking the front of that exact place once you get there. A hint of laughter can be detected in his voice, but he still remains confused and perhaps even grossed out by the lack of “taste” of the building.

You can’t help but burst out laughing. Of course, Byakuya Kuchiki has never been to a love hotel, neither he needed to.

“Ah… I forgot about this place. That’s the Sweet Hotel Ruby… curious right? It’s a love hotel” you inform him, as Byakuya gets lost on the ridiculous and big decorations of the entrance.

The hotel has pink walls and enormous sweets ornaments placed all over them. It looks like a candy wonderland, like a gigantic cake… there are even three big ice creams sculptures by the entrance. And not to mention the cringey -perturbating- animatronic tree with a face inviting you to come inside.

Byakuya stands there looking at it with disgust, but still curious.

“I’ve never been to a love hotel” he drops an info you already knew. “I was sure you haven’t” you answer, scratching your nape. “Let’s get a room” Byakuya suggests.

You panic. Does he know what a love hotel is?

“Byakuya… do you know the purpose of this places? It’s not a normal hotel” “I know, people come here to have sex. But I wanna see how it looks on the inside. I might invest in one if I find the rooms fancy”

You massage your temples. Byakuya is as serious and mature as equally immature like a kid. He enjoys fancy weird looking things, and you are sure that if he invests in the build of a love hotel there would be those “wakame taiishi” figures he invented all over…

“Sure, if that’s your calling. Let’s go” you accept; torturing yourself, never in a million years you would have thought of visiting a love hotel with Byakuya… even if the idea of loving his body has been floating around your mind since the day you met him.

He gets inside first; Byakuya lacks any type of shyness when it comes to “a business opportunity”.

Fortunately for you, there aren’t people at the countertop but a machine where you get to choose the room, the time you wanna stay and the things you would like to consume inside.

Byakuya, who’s wallet has never been empty a single time in his life, picks the most expensive room and the most ridiculous option to drink. “mhh… bubbly romance combo? I have never tried this normal people champagne… and those chocolates? why not?”

You cover your face; he is probably not aware of this place not being a “friends” spot to hangout, much less ordering the “bubbly romance combo” to enjoy on a room that’s meant for… fucking.

As soon as the confirmation of payment came on the screen, the instructions were clear. “Go to the third floor and turn right. The room number 301 will be ready for you”

Byakuya walks first, he acts as if he was at the Sheraton hotel while you can stop your mind from running wild… those pants look so absolutely good on him…. the small of his back would look so beautiful arched as he bends in all four over the bed of this hotel… what if I get to drink champagne from his collar bones…

“(Name)… (Name)” Byakuya’s deep voice breaks your lustful dream.

“Hmm? What?” you ask, as you keep walking through the equally maximalistic decorated with sweets patterns walls of the hotel hall.

“Stop walking, this is the room”

Byakuya opens the door and the soft pink lights, like a cherry blossom spring, hits your eyes. Inside, there is, once again, 3D replicas of cookies, chocolate covered almonds, marshmallow hearts and many types of desserts wall mounted. However, the most interesting piece of furniture has to be the bed; a bed that looks like a shell sculpture made out of chocolate, with donuts pillows on top.

“What the fuck is this place?” you ask, trying to understand what the designer was thinking about when he chose to go with that.

“I have absolutely no clue, but it has to be the most interesting room I’ve ever been to” Byakuya says, genuinely interested in such grotesque crime against good taste.

“Well, that’s for sure…”

The long-haired hot CEO takes his sneakers immediately after closing the door. You do the same, grateful for your socks being in between your soles and the ground. You aren’t sure what type of strangers’ bodily fluids the furry white rug on the floor harbours inside of its fibres.

You take a look around, finding the place to be an extremely easy place to hide cameras, but that is not something you will tell Byakuya. After all, nobody is getting naked in here tonight, right? It’s just a curious pair of friends visiting an infamous love hotel…. Right?

It doesn’t take much for the workers to knock on the door and leave the “Bubbly Romance Combo” right by the entrance. You get the tray inside with hot cheeks and quickly close the door.

“Oi, here it is your combo. Are you aware of what this is?” you ask, looking back at Byakuya and noticing him lying on the bed like if he was some kind of god waiting to be fed -well, at least that’s to your eyes-

“Yes, chocolate and champagne. Bring it, I’m hungry” “Remember you can’t take much alcohol at once, bro…” you tell him, knowing him very well; maybe even better than himself.

Byakuya rolls his eyes at you; the arrogant look you melt for is back. “We are not young anymore, (Name). I can’t take it like a man”

“I hope you can… take it like a man”

Soon both of you indulge in the delicious taste of spicy chocolate bon bons and more glasses of champagne that you can remember. It doesn’t take much time for Byakuya’s cheeks to become as red as apples and his laughter finally blooming like beautiful cherry blossoms.

Like two adolescents on those sleepovers at your home, both have fun chatting about random nonsense. And you couldn’t ask for more, after all… coming to this place had to be the best idea Byakuya could ever had. Until…

“So, you aren’t getting married or what? Don’t tell me you are into boys” he asks, rather loudly. Byakuya still has a low tolerance to the bubbly beverage.

“Why you ask? Asshole. You wanna make fun of me, don’t you?” you spit at him, visible annoyed at him for asking; however, why you are that annoyed Byakuya doesn’t know.

He frowns. “You don’t need to be that rude, man. You could have told me you didn’t want to talk about it. Fuck you” he growls. Manners are gone when his blood has a hight percentage of alcohol mixed in.

Byakuya takes yet another chocolate and turns around in bed; he lies on his side and closes his eyes. He is mad, but also acting like a kid.

You notice you fucked up, so you reach out for him. You shake him softly by his shoulder, but you only receive yet another “fuck you”. However, you keep trying.

“Hey, come on, I’m sorry” you sigh, trying to force him to look at you.

“Stop touching me” he suddenly snaps, turning around and pushing you against the bed. Byakuya crawls on top of you, with a dizzy head and a fist ready to be plastered on your face.

“So, you wanna fight me, don’t you? Why? What have I done?” “Nothing” he tries to punch you, but you grab his hand by his wrist.

“You can’t even strike a blow. You are too drunk to fight. Plus, if I hurt you I could leave your handsome face marked for the rest of the week” you tell him, regretting the “handsome face” commentary.

His pupils dilate, his eyes fix in yours. You can see him biting the inside of his mouth, as his arm trembles within your squeeze.

It is, perhaps, too late for you to notice his hips straddled on your lap. And probably, it is too late too, to notice the growing hardnesses of both of your crotches.

Maybe, for just some minutes the time becomes slow… slower. Byakuya’s eyes turn sloppy, your lips barely separated, your pumping heart being the only sound gushing in your ears.

You can’t stop your hand from suddenly pulling from his arm, neither your lips from crashing against his in a violent, sexual kiss. A kiss that he seems too naïve to follow, that deepens with barely seconds. The sweet and sour taste of your tongue, feels more than delicious to him.

When the kiss breaks, but Byakuya doesn’t want to stand up from lying on your chest, you spit words you are sure he doesn’t need to hear but your heart needs to scream… “I do like boys, yes”

Byakuya takes a deep breath, and before kissing you back with desperation he murmurs “Thank God…”

You place your hands on the sides of his hips, to pull him even closer. Your sex graces his, finding with pleasure how hard he feels against yours.

You push him down, encouraging him to hump. And he does, almost immediately after you do. Byakuya is desperate, perhaps for your touch or maybe any touch… but you don’t mind, you really couldn’t think of anything else but enjoying the taste of his body at least one single time.

Your fingers travel a little up, lifting his shirt up, untucking it from the black pants that look beautifully tight to his legs and ass.

“Byakuya… I must warn you that if I keep on doing this… I won’t be able to stop” you moan, biting his lower lip and pulling from it after.

“Don’t- Don’t stop. I want this…I want you…” he whines, searching for more kisses as his life depends on it.

You smile, of course he wants you. Of course, he does.

You exchange positions with him in a quick motion. While he is the depiction of delicate manhood and dominance, he becomes putty in your hands. You crawl on top of him, moving his locks away from that enchanting face of his; you enjoy the way his cheeks are sprinkled by a reddish glow that is no longer because of the alcohol, but because he is in severe need of being touched, kissed, pleased, loved… fucked.

You lift his shirt off, exposing that nudity you know too well, but never once you were able to taste. His abs, toned and slightly marked… his hard pink nipples, the pale flesh inviting to bite, inviting you to leave endless bloody marks all over it. His belly button, the happy trail down his sex… what a beautiful creation of god you are, Mr. Kuchiki.

His soft hands pull from your shirt towards him, he is aching for more kisses. But you want more than that… you want to hear the sound of the only emotion you never had the right to enjoy coming from him…

Your lips do kiss the commissure of his lips, and then, slowly, sexily, criminally lustful, you go down to his neck. A bite, and then another one. He whimpers, very lowly.

You keep going down, nibbling on his collar bones… oh the wide protruding bones of his chest. The scent of his skin, so deliciously manly but still delicate as the most fragile flower…

You reach for his right nipple, surrounding it with your lips, licking, sucking. With your eyes fixed on his, you nibble on them. His back arches in response to the sharp feeling against sensitive pale pink flesh.

“It feels… good…” he moans, discovering the ambrosial reaction of his body. “It does, Bya-kun? Tell me you want more? You want me to keep going?” you ask, pinching his left nipple with your fingers as you blow some air over his right one.

He nods, loudly whining this time. His voice goes slightly more acute, his body is a mess under your possession.

And then, because it is not enough of a mess to you, your lips keep going down, leaving a trail of kisses up until his belly button and even lower.

He doesn’t even wait for you to take his belt off, nor his pants, and does it all by himself. A wet patch of precum garnishes his grey boxers that makes him blush more than ever before.

“So wet… have you come already?” you joke, in playful and dominant way. “I hav-I haven’t no…” he whispers, getting his hands to his bulge to feel the damp, sticky patch with his own fingertips. “I’m glad, I would love very much to see you cum all over your belly… you want me to help you do this, Byakun?” you ask, sadistically, noticing how much that makes him even harder, to sprout more and more precum… what a beautiful sticky mess, Byakuya-kun.

He keeps squeezing his sex, as well as his legs underneath your hips. Desperate is not even a word to describe this man’s state. This might be a lot more than curiosity; he is so absolutely into a man’s hands touching him that he is even trembling.  

You smile with loving eyes, after all you have loved him since forever. You take his hand away from his needy shaft. Then, planting a sweet kiss on one of his hipbones, you strip him away from his boxers.

Despite you seeing his sex a variety of times -in different, more brotherly situations- this time is absolutely different. Pinkish tip, perfectly groomed and clean. Of course, what would you expect from such a perfect man if not a perfect sex?

You are tempted to devour his shaft in one single blow, but that would be ruining the experience… even if he might be probably wanting it so badly.

But there will be enough time to do that, and instead, you use the tip of your tongue to get a taste of his pre cum while you begin to pump with your hand.

“Such a delicious man you are, Byakuya…” “Am I? how does it taste?” he asks, curious… so innocently.

You smirk, taking a little more of his salty delight in your tongue. It forms a string that loses its form against your chin, but you are good with it.

Getting closer to Byakuya’s mouth, you ask him to stick his tongue out and so he does. You trap it with your mouth, and both share his taste in the most sinful carnal kiss.

“You like your taste, ba… babe?” you ask, shily after naming him “babe”.

He smiles shily, nodding as he swallows. “Yes… thank you… babe…”

For your next step, you suddenly remember you saw when you get into the room. Maybe Byakuya didn’t notice, and you hope he didn’t… it would be such a great surprise.

“I think you would love this…” you chime, standing up to a surprised, blushed, and confused Byakuya.

You get to a shelf where a Hitachi magic wand rests, a common object every good love hotel includes in Tokyo for the couples in love to use.

You show the vibrator, crawling back on top of him. After inspecting it, you find out how to operate it and soon it reaches his sex at low speed.

He grunts loud enough to be heard by half the hotel, and you can’t get enough of it. His nails carve on your hips, his buck up and the small of your back curl more and more.

Your crotch, by now, feels absolutely hard, wet, and needy. Would it be bad to enjoy the warmth of his sex against yours without any clothing in between? Of course not.

While you keep stimulating him, with increasing vibrations, you let your shaft free from the black skinny jeans prison they were in. With extreme care, because even if you couldn’t stop yourself from playing with your best friend’s body touching him with your own still feels somehow illegal, wrong… you have praised him since forever, seeing him as a pure deity that must not be ruined, that must be not broken.

Byakuya’s eyes open wide when the warmth of another man’s dick grazes his. A loud moan escapes his lips, his trembling fingers reach for your kissing members and surrounds them with his whole soft hand.

“I… I…” he wants to say something, he can’t. His cheeks get more and more red, the tip of his nose, the tip of his ears too.

“Byakuya… is this your first time with a man?” you need to know, even if you already do.

“Y… yes…” he informs, feeling the graze of an erection that’s not his own for the very first time.

You stop using the magic wand, and instead, you give him the right space to pump both of you as he pleased. He does, shily at first but more and more desperately as time goes by.

It is beautiful to see the sprouting clear drops of precum mix one with the other, a mess in between his fingers forming strings as he strokes.

And you can feel his twitching intensifying, the little vein on the back of his shaft protruding more and more. And yours, throbbing… aching to be deep inside of him, aching to have his beautiful back facing you, arched up to let you bury into it and bond with him for the rest of the night.

“Let me be the first…” you whisper, in between gasping and grunting.

“I trust you…” he whispers back, knowing you will never, ever hurt him.

Soon, you help him turn around. So inexperiencedly he puts on all fours, so you use your whole palm to adjust his position. Passing it against his naked back, as pale as beautiful as you know it is, looking even more biteable now that he is so willingly ready to receive you in him.

You push down softly, right in between his shoulder blades. His right cheek squeezed against the pillow, his pecs against the bed. His hips up, his knees buried on the mattress.

You take some seconds to admire his whole anatomy, how his hips move side to side so involuntarily as a puppy happy to see his master…

“Byakuya… you have no idea how amazing you are” you murmur, planting a kiss on the small of his back. A skin as soft as his lips and neck. A scent so delicious.

He doesn’t answer back, he just moans softly, trying to reach for his hardness… he can’t wait no more, he needs release.

You smile, and the kisses on the small of his back keep going down until his entrance. The moment your lips touches it, he squirms, and his hips become weak.

“There will be enough time for you to become weak, now let me prep you. You need this so that it feels good to you. Relax for me, ok? You probably know what to do naturally ” you explain, you don’t want to force yourself in; you don’t want to hurt him at all.

He nods; his eyes shut close; his fine eyebrows squeezed in the middle of his frown.

You kiss and lick, slowly and deliciously. You coat his dilating entrance, slowly sliding one finger, feeling how tight his walls feel around it. You are dying to finally penetrate him, but he is not ready until you can stretch him properly.

A few minutes more are enough, however, for him to be ready. You would lie if you found it easy to do; something you have dreamed of for so many nights is finally about to become real.

“Are you ready, Byakun?” you ask, caressing his butt. “Mhj… yes” he answers right away, as he lifts his hips even higher and tries to get closer to your sex.

Your hand slides back to the small of his back, right where those little dimples form. Your other hand on your sex, guiding it to his entrance, previously coated with enough saliva that you hope someday would be Byakuya’s.

Slowly, unhurriedly, measuredly… first your tip, without pushing in, only staying right there. Then, as he throws his ass back, you begin to steadily let it slide inside.

Both grunt with the first intrusion; maybe it is a little painful to Byakuya, but soon enough when he has completely relaxed you begin to move inside his tight, warm, clenching walls.

“Fuck me more… please” he pleads to an astonish you, who is in total heaven by the feeling of his hole.

“Yes, my beautiful boy… just make sure you make a big puddle of cum right under you when you are done ~”

[bengiyo]

Unknown Ep 11 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Wei Qian tried to hide his health problems from Yuan, but Yuan knew the whole time and was super pissed about Wei Qian always choosing to shoulder every burden on his own as well as lying to Yuan. We left them at another critical moment where Wei Qian admitted openly that he also can't live without Yuan.

Of course Yuan is a "if he looks back" gay. Where are all my Andi Mack girlies?

Episode 11: Embracing Regrets Magnifies Courage

Wait, when did they start making out?

Oh, I see, they're playing with time. This is the first time I've really felt like the show's stylistic choices have gotten in the way of its storytelling. We have been building to this moment with Qian and Yuan, and I don't like this choice to show them connecting sexually while intercutting the emotional decision to be intimate and Yuan's flashbacks. Both of these moments are important and happen sequentially, not simultaneously.

I feel like they really botched this sex scene and I'm annoyed about it. I really don't like that we didn't lead with Wei Qian's choice to be intimate with Yuan. It feels like we skipped an important decision. I also don't like all the constant cuts of flashbacks interspersed with the pre-sex convo. This is a huge moment for Wei Qian and I really feel like they got this wrong by making it primarily about Yuan's feelings culminating. We know that Yuan has wanted to fuck this man for like a decade at least. We know Wei Qian hasn't let anyone touch him. We really needed to stay in that moment and not constantly jump around to other moments. It feels like the show got shy about sex, or that the sex scene itself lacked a narrative when they filmed it.

These walls thin as fuck! Like Li Li didn't hear what was happening!

Okay, Li Li is still capable of being adorable when it suits her and I love her.

Man, I'm grumpy from earlier. Wei Qian daydreaming about sex with Yuan at work would have worked a lot better if we weren't flashing back to a scene dominated by flashbacks.

I hope this is the last of the gangster stuff.

Okay, I'm having fun with the dinner date and the decision to be public about themselves.

Test results?? They denied me seeing this man choose to go to the hospital???

Mhmm, we recognize that Li Li is smart. She definitely knows what's up.

Okay, I actually like Qian not answering about the hug and instead just kissing his head. That feels appropriate because that line is quite blurred.

I'm feeling mixed about the mom stuff resurfacing on the episode they had sex for the first time. We suspect that Yuan's mom abused him, and that feels unresolved for me. I'm having a hard time separating his sexual trauma from his abandonment trauma in his breakdown here.

"Nobody cares about Qian." Okay, I cried. Wei Qian's siblings saw and understood what he was doing for them the entire time, and they both wanted to care for him in return. Also, San Pang is a great listener in this scene. Truly one of the best characters of the year so far.

And we deal with the rest of their people finding out next week. Okay.

I said what I said above. I didn't think the turn worked this episode, and I didn't fully connect to Wei Qian's emotions this week. It's a letdown and I'm disappointed.

[miguelsfangservice]

BEYOND THE SPOTLIGHT II

Pairing: Miguel O'hara x F!Famous Idol Reader

Warnings: Angst/comfort, fame has caused reader a lot of anxiety.

Summary: It doesn't matter he's at HQ trying to keep the multiverse afloat, your face, your voice, your smile and laugh follows him everywhere.

No, he is not losing it (yet); it's just that it’s kind of inevitable when most spiders under his command are... how did Gwen called it? Ah-staning you?

Well, he can't really complain, it's his girlfriend, after all.

PART I, PART II

When Miguel arrived home, he was greeted by certain scent. He stayed at the door for a few seconds, it had been years since he had eaten that, he never really had the time to truly do them by himself and, while the cafeteria at HQ sometimes served them, the first time he tried those Miguel wasn’t fond of them at all.

“Migs?” he heard you calling from the kitchen. “You’re home early!”

“…Yeah, there wasn’t much to do, surprisingly.” He whispered; Miguel hurried towards the kitchen. “What are you…?”

Miguel couldn’t finish his sentence, as you blocked his path before he could enter the kitchen.

“Top secret, Miguelito” you said, a playful smile lighting up your face

He chuckled at the nickname, you kind of struggled sometimes with it and he found that to be a bit endearing.

“You know I can smell it right?”

“Fine” You sighed and exaggeratedly dropped your shoulders. “To be honest, I was trying to surprise you but I’m not even halfway done”.

As you began walking back to the stove, he grabbed your arm and drew you towards him, your body flushed to his. Miguel couldn’t help but smile at the blush in your cheeks.

“I’m not the best cook, but I do kind of remember how to make some pozole.”

“Nope, I’m the one who came up with the idea, I want to finish this.” you protest, he rolls his eyes and fights off a laugh.

“Let’s make it a team effort.” Miguel caresses you from your hair to your face, you try playfully to brush his hand off. “We make it together; we enjoy it together. That is if we don’t completely mess it up.”

“Please, have more faith in my culinary skills; if I wasn’t dancing and singing for people’s enjoyment then I would be gracing their paladars with my cooking.”

“Sure” he says mockingly, walking past you towards the half-cut onion you left on the counter.

As you saw him hunch over the counter, looking huge in this tiny kitchen, in this tiny apartment you had gotten together, you felt like you could drop in one knee and ask him to marry you.

It might sound ridiculous, but you had been feeling like that every time he did something around the place; you knew for sure you wanted to grow old with that man right next to you.

 “Cielo…what is it?” He asks, you can see a bit of concern on his features, so you smile and hug him from behind, burying your face on his back.

“I was just wondering how the hell aren’t you crying with that damn onion?”

Granted, he had to teach you and fix some of your mistakes while cooking pozole and you realized that the tutorials you were following didn’t look as appetizing as you first thought. What Miguel had cooked looked way better and more accurate.

Now that you were finally eating it, you both were practically moaning at every bite.

“God” you began, mouthful. “Maybe you should fight evil one pozole at a time, If I were a Doc Oc I would definitely drop my evil plans to taste this”.

He laughs a little at that, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. Your heart stops for a second, he looks so good doing that...being carefree and just himself without the burden of being Spider-man.

After finishing, you pick up the table and put the dirty dishes on the sink. When you come back, he’s sitting on the couch, you walk towards him and he motions for you to sit on his lap; you have to roll your eyes at him and how corny he can be sometimes, he grabs your hands and leads you towards him.

Before he can actually sit you on his lap, you open your arms and engulf him (as much as you can ‘engulf’ a 6’9 man) in a hug, his head resting on the crook of your shoulders.

“How was your day?” he asks. Usually, when you are both having a good time together and don’t want to be disrupted by your day-to-day life’s, you try not to ask each other about your respective days, it usually led to remembering how absurd your work life can be, the stress that comes with it.

Miguel looks at your face carefully, he had noticed how pale and tired you looked since the moment he stepped into that kitchen. He tries not to be obvious in his concern for you, he’s aware that you hate worrying him, but Miguel has told you several times how impossible it’s for him not to worry about you and your wellbeing, after all, you also do that for him when he neglected his health while trying to keep the multiverse afloat.

He sees your whole-body tense at the question and the alarms immediately go off in his head, but Miguel tries to keep a calm demeanor.

“It’s just…” you began, fidgeting with your fingers, not being able to look at his face. “They are giving me a hard time with the schedule”

“What do you mean?”

“Ashley thinks I’m sleeping too much and that makes me show up late to the rehearsals, so she’s helping me adjust my time at home so I could—”

“Cielo, that’s ridiculous” he protests. “You’re never late, you know I make sure of that; we are always there almost half an hour early. She doesn’t even arrive to the damn building until well past 10 a.m!”

“She thinks I could arrive early and improve—”

“And it’s completely deranged of her to even try to manage even your personal time.”

“Ash is just trying to help, if it wasn’t for her I—”

“Oh, mhm.” He lets out a sarcastic chuckle and you wince at that. He’s upset, not with you, but you hate stressing him out because of this. “Trying to help by putting your health at risk?”

“It will be just a few hours less of sleep, Migs, it’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal; you can’t downplay this—”

“Miguel, come on, you and me both know that I’m not the only one sacrificing hours of sleep for our work.” At this point, you have separated from him, he’s still on the couch while you are nervously pacing the room, concern etched on his face.

“But you are already good at everything they’ve asked of you, Y/N!”

“Miguel, you don’t know how this works!” you yell, it’s frustrating how much he’s trying to protect you sometimes. He can’t possibly understand, he can’t; tears well up in your eyes, your hands are shaking and the years of pressure and all the rules of the industry that have been drill into your brain surface. “It's not just about talent; it's about maintaining that level of success. If I slip up even once, there are a hundred others waiting to take my place!”

Silence fills the room as you stare at each other.

Miguel’s heart is aching, your trembling lips and the tears now falling from your eyes make him clench his jaw in frustration. As you push past the tightness in your throat to try to speak again, Miguel gets up from the couch and embraces you.

“I-I appreciate your concern, Miguel, you know I do, but—"

Miguel’s watch lights up, showing tiny Lyla wearing pink colored pajamas, acting as if she just had woken up from a nap.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, I know you, surprisingly, have a social life just as the rest of the spiders but you’ll need to pause that for tonight, you are needed at HQ.” She says yawning and then looking you up and down, she gives you a big smile and gets inches close to your face. “Is it a bad time to ask for an autograph? A selfie?”

“Lyla—” Miguel sighs, defeated and you can see how tired he looks too. You wriggle out of his arms and raise a brow; he knows exactly what you are thinking. “This is different, cielo, I’m used to this, my body is practically made for me to keep going in conditions like this…”

“Miguel, just— Come back in one piece, ok?”

[welkinsky]

Levi X Reader | So Close Yet So Far (1)

A/N: This was an idea that I've been thinking about for so long. What if Y/N was one of the higher-ups. Will you two hide your feelings for one another because this won't end well for either of you and your goals? Or will you just let go for once and accept it as it is?

Part 2

You were working as the right hand for Zachary in the Premier core. He'd discuss everything with you and would take your advice on almost every case. He taught you everything from the very basics and had always adored how professional you were.

Keeping your feelings aside and taking action against your friends is never easy but you knew what was right and you have always tried to do the right thing in the best way you can.

So when Eren's case came up, Zachary made it very clear that he wanted you with him in the courthouse.

You knew this was a very crucial and sensitive moment because the decision that is being made day is going to turn humanity to 180. It was up to you two to decide whether it was for good or for bad.

So it was natural that your heart was beating fast as you were entering the courthouse as every commander, and every captain was saluting you and giving you "THE LOOK".

You were very young to be there but you have proven your skills over and over again so Zachary always trusted you.

As the case began it started as the normal fight between the Regimins. They all were loud and pointless as always but you noticed that the scout's regime was silent. You've heard how cunning and sharp Commander Erwin is so you were waiting for them to start with their case.

And when he started talking it was crisp and clear. No sub-stories no blame games but clear reasoning that you always expect the team to present.

Zachary looked at you to ask for something but before you could answer you heard a loud thud. You looked over to the source of sound and it was Captain Levi beating the hell out of Eren. You were shaken to your core by how brutally he was doing it but you kept your straight face.

He proved his point that if anything happened to Eren he was more than capable of taking care of it.

It was clear as hell to you that you were sold on Scouts. You looked over to Zachary and nodded in agreement. When he asked you to join him in the court, you thought that it'll end there. Little did you know that you were about to be sent to a far-off place from the interiors and had to stay in a castle with a boy who can turn into a titan in seconds.

Well, you still took the offer because it was better than living in the interior, listening to these nonsense cases, and listening to grown men whine like babies when you took a decision against them. Apart from that you had other reasons too.

------------Two Days Later------------

You arrived at the castle and it was way prettier than you expected it to be. Captain Levi and Section Commander Hange were there and they greeted you at the door. You only met them at the courthouse when they saluted you. You've heard a lot of Hange and how crazy she is and Levi on the other hand was told to be a "mannerless bastard who thinks he is better than everyone". Well, that should be fun since he barely talked when you met them and Hange on the other hand was so loud and excited. It brought a smile to your face but then Levi's bored face helped it fade away.

You finally met everyone at the dinner. Eren was there too. It was tough to digest how such a petite guy could turn into a titan. And he was too young. Honestly, you pitied him for having such a huge burden on his shoulders at such a young age. You started talking to everyone and you could clearly see that some of them were friendly and nice but some of them absolutely hated that an official is sitting between them.

One of them even commented on 'How YOU would know any struggles since you live a nice life in the interior'. "Little do they know," you thought to yourself and ignored him.

One interesting character was Captain. He was nonchalant and only spoke to calm down Hange when she was being too loud. He never made any eye contact with you nor did he even try to make any effort in initiating a conversation.

As you went back to your room. One thing was crystal clear these few months are either going to be VERY interesting or you would start missing the men from the courthouse complaining.

--------------------------

Part 2

Thanks For Reading and for all the support! Have an amazing week <3

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A-Z Headcanon

[hyenahunt]

Obbligato: The Punishment of Kaname Tojo - 3

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring, two years ago

Characters: Jun

Proofreading: 310mc (JP) & Skyress (ENG)

Translation: hyenahunt

Jun: (No matter what, we're only human in the end. There's no way for us to remove ourselves from that fact, and live on all unsullied and beautiful.)

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Jun: Gyaaaagh!?

Damn 'em all! They seriously threw me out! Kicked and chased me off like a stray dog or some shit...! Goddamn! Goddamn! Goddamn!!!

Jun: Ugh, what a fuckin' useful word this is! GODDAMN!

(By saying that, your anger is directed only at God... That's what Kazehaya-senpai told me.)

(And if we don't say things that'll hurt other people, then maybe we can have "a kind world where no one gets hurt", huh?)

(In this society that's nothing but unreasonable, we should curse God or fate rather than other living, breathing people. In that case, that's right: no one will get hurt.)

(But you know, Senpai... that's a seriously idealistic way to think. It's not some faceless God out there somewhere that pisses us off.)

(Instead, it's the other people around us, each and every time. What we wanna do to them is hurt them and drag 'em through the mud, and even make them disappear if we could.

(In the end, that's what we truly want.)

(That's why it’s impossible for us to live in that idealistic way Kazehaya-senpai so desires.)

Jun: (............)

(No matter what, we're only human in the end. There's no way for us to remove ourselves from that fact, and live on all unsullied and beautiful.)

(And even Kazehaya-senpai, who lives as purely as he can, is no exception to that.)

(He's only human, too. That's why, after taking on such an absurdly huge amount of work upon himself all alone, it's only natural he'd physically fall apart.)

(I couldn't just stand by and watch it happen, and I asked him over and over to let me help, but he turned me down each time. I don't get why, though.)

(I kept a distance from the group in the Catacombs he lead ‘cause it gave me the creeps, but...)

(Kazehaya-senpai had countless "followers" who adored him with a dedication far beyond mine, and yet...)

(Not a single one of them could save him.)

Jun: (Of course, I'm sure they wanted to — after all, everyone loved Kazehaya-senpai. He's the one who’d always help to fill in whatever we were lacking.)

(The one who toiled and suffered away just to grant us what we wanted, all without a single reward.)

(We loved him, relied on him and respected him.)

(So everyone should've wanted to help him out all together. Everyone should've chipped in with the work, or done something — anything — to support him.)

(But he wouldn't hear of it. It seems like no matter what, Kazehaya-senpai rejected each and every offer of help — )

(Everyone who tried to disregard what he said and insisted on helping him anyway just didn't succeed...)

(There's no doubt about it — Kazehaya-senpai was the top idol of Reimei Academy. What he carried upon those delicate shoulders of his was a burden so heavy no one else could have borne it.)

Jun: (His followers tried to take on work requests made to him on their own accord. They tried to stand in as substitutes and bear the work on their own, just so that he could rest —)

(But they were all bound to fail. They couldn't meet the standards for the requested work. And that's because the idol known as "Tatsumi Kazehaya" was in fact a colony headed by Senpai.)

(It was a monster that grew all the stronger for its swarm-like numbers. Even if a fraction of that colony tried to undertake the work meant for the entirety of "Tatsumi Kazehaya", they didn't have a hope in hell of succeeding.)

(It would've been impossible to meet what was required of them.)

(It wouldn't have been enough, no matter what they did. They couldn't do the work properly and just kept making mistakes.)

(And by messing up over and over again, it took a heavy toll on the reputation of the whole of "Tatsumi Kazehaya".)

(When Kazehaya-senpai was in charge and called the shots, everything would go smoothly.)

(But now that he's been run into the ground, it's turned into a vicious circle.)

(Not a thing has been going well... And to make things worse, Kazehaya-senpai's "followers" have started pinning the blame onto him, all to avoid getting hurt themselves, even though he's the very one they're supposed to love.)

(Claiming that it wasn't them that failed, it was the whole of "Tatsumi Kazehaya".)

(By saying shit like that, they could hang onto their self-respect.)

(Even though they owe everything to Kazehaya-senpai…)

(Instead they turned their backs on him and started shitting on him.)

(And that’s how they started to rot to the very core..)

Jun: (They gave me bad vibes from the start, but it's gotten to the point where I don't even wanna breathe the same air as 'em.)

(They gather together in that underground darkness, and do nothing but talk shit about Kazehaya-senpai.)

(They can then go about their normal lives like there's a weight off their shoulders, smiling away to themselves like idiots.)

(Sure, how easy things would be if you could just dump everything you hate onto someone else, right? But y'know, the guy you shoved everything onto is also only human — Kazehaya-senpai is only human!)

(He's nothing like a god. He's a human being made of flesh and blood, just like us.)

Jun: (It's precisely 'cause we're human that we can get hurt. And when those wounds get too much to bear, we'll fall apart. That's why Kazehaya-senpai wound up in the hospital... not just for his ruined physical condition, but for the sheer mental toll it's taken on him, too.)

(Why can't everyone understand something so simple?)

(How could everyone forget something like that?)

[ ☆ ]

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[pandorafallz]

Lest We Rest Upon Our Graves | C4

Remorse was a… unfamiliar emotion.

It clung to the back of her throat and its weight also in her chest like a coil of moving rope that shifted slightly with each breath and left a bitter taste on her pallet. Despite the weight, there was an…hollow echo to it. Remorse felt like a heavier burden because she had brought such emotion onto herself by her own actions.

It was…different to the familiarity of regret that Kìoetey did know very well. Regret that she couldn’t do more against the RDA, that she couldn’t have helped her sister back then…or Nor when he had needed her the most. Regret for the lives lost needlessly, her friends both human and Na’vi. Regret had been the result of external factors rather than her own.

It was an uncomfortable difference.

She didn’t know how to fix it.

Was there even a way to fix this? She was sure if Nor was here, he’d say she had done nothing wrong and that Cortez had deserved it. Kìoetey wasn’t Nor, but… she had still killed those baby avatars just as he had killed Cortez’s fully grown one. She had let the anger grow from a flame to a furnace with no control and done what a human had done; lashed out.

Little ones had died as a result of that.

She couldn’t breathe life into those tiny things to undo it nor knew how to create any of them to make up for the losses. An avatar wasn’t something replaceable like a decoration or jewellery.

“Are you okay?” Ri’nela’s voice was soft as she joined her, kneeling beside Kìoetey as the young warrior barely looked up from the upturned soil of Cortez’s Avatar Grave.

“Is…Cortez all right?” Kìoetey asked, ignoring how her voice cracked a little.

Ri’nela’s head tilted before she sighed. “I did not stay to see. I haven’t seen her this last hour so I assume she’s still with the doctor.”

Kìoetey let out a heavy breath. Her words did not provide any comfort “I shouldn’t have killed those avatars.” She muttered, “I…I let my anger get the best of me. I did what Nor did and killed.”

“They were just avatars. You did not kill a real person.”

“Those avatars were babies. The one I smashed into the ground was sucking on their thumb.” Kìoetey couldn’t quite shake that image; sure, the little one was cryo-frozen into that position and it barely moved but that wasn’t the point. “I let the sky person part of me take over in that moment. I…I wanted to spite her. Hurt her as she had hurt us. Me. I thought I was better than that. I tried so hard not to be what Mercer made us to be.”

Ri’nela’s hand came to her shoulder. “There is a lesson to be learned and it’s only been a few months since we woke up from the cold sleep. We’re still…adapting. Shaking away the foreign soil off our Sarentu and Na’vi roots will take time. What Cortez has done to us, having a part in severing our roots, there’s a lot of turmoil that lays between us that cannot be easily navigated.”

“A wrong does not fix another wrong. It only creates more pain and further complexities of grief and suffering.” Kìoetey said, leaning her head more towards Ri’nela’s shoulder, her friend allowing her to rest her head peacefully as they stared at the mound of dirt.

Ri’nela hummed for a moment, the familiar Sarentu hum. “Perhaps we should tend to Aha’ri and the others first before we tend to…Cortez and her troubles. They’ve waited a while to return to the Great Mother.” She said quietly, breaking the hum to speak.

“Yuayt can…be buried beside the avatar’s body.” Kìoetey suggested, “He shouldn’t be laid to rest beside my sister.” She wouldn’t deny him his right of burial and release back to Eywa but… he had sold them out to Harding. To Mercer. She could…forgive him but she couldn’t forget the pain he caused by that. She would see him buried respectfully nonetheless. He still deserved that.

“There’s a huge tree further down where we could bury Okni? It’s got these beautiful roots and woven patterns that…remind me of her hairstyle.” Ri’nela said, her hand coming to her own decorated hair. “She always used to draw trees.”

“Mercer always got rid of them.”

“But it didn’t stop her.” Ri’nela smiled sadly.

“How…do we do their funerals? Have you seen what to do?”

“Not fully, but So’lek has offered to help. He’s been making burial shrouds for the remains the last hour from material gifted from the Kame’tire. They were generous in their offering.”

Kìoetey gave a relieved nod. They had moved the ashes from the scraps Cortez had put them in into woven bags since So’lek had passed them along. Better fitting for them than some random pot with no emotional value. No reason to hide what was inside anymore.

Still, she was grateful for the assistance; they knew too little of their own practices. Ri’nela could only learn so much so quickly from Eywa. So’lek had an experience that…she knew was unfortunate given the loss of his people.

“It’s advised we take a mourning period after we return them to Eywa. Typically a week” Ri’nela added, more hesitantly.

“With the RDA still around and planning, we shouldn’t avoid our duties to the resistance should the time call for it. We can continue our morning process after.”

“I suppose. It just…doesn’t feel proper.” Ri’nela’s tail curled softly.

“Life over death,” Kìoetey mused, “I don’t know where to bury Aha’ri. We don’t know the Clouded forest very well.” She raised her head off Ri’nela’s shoulder. “Nor would know.”

“There’s a Tarsyu plant close to the hideout. We could bury her between its roots? While we have no Home, it’s still Sarentu ground.”

“Yes. That sounds like a good spot.” Kìoetey agreed. It felt right for her sister to have that place. Closer to their ancestors. She knew the one Ri’nela meant; she had visited it herself a few times. It was quite the walk or a short flight on her Ikran.

“Then I will check in with So’lek on those shrouds and let him know of our plans,” Ri’nela said gently rising back to her feet. “You should make preparations yourself. We should remain close to one of the graves for some time as a vigil.”

Kìoetey nodded. “I’ll see to it. I’ll still check in with Nalin and…Cortez. Even if I don’t say much. I need to be at ease first.”

“Do not be fast to forgive her for your own actions.” Ri’nela warned, “Her ambitions still made us into orphans.”

“I know.”

Alexander had been kind enough to help collect together some rations for them, the Na’vi kind which would taste nicer and fresher than the stolen RDA food. Two bottles of water each which Kìoetey decanted into two water skins; to fit better on them while they travelled.

Ultimately, Kìoetey’s feet carried her towards the oddly looming area of the medical beds but instead of seeing Cortez awake and reading or doing something, the woman was…asleep on the gurney. Her pale face looked a little gaunter under the light beside her, a cannula tube inserted into her nose which was the surprise. Her right arm was supported beside her on some pillows and…wrapped in an ice pack and an arm splint was left off to the side. She had some dressing covering her other arm and left hand and softer cuts along her fingers that didn’t need to be dressed given how small they were.

“Cortez?” Kìoetey called, crouching down. Cortez looked…tiny now. She was still…so used to seeing her avatar. A foreign form still…but it was still her.

“She’s sedated.”

Kìoetey jumped a little at the voice, turning sharply to see Nalin returning with a small tray of food and sat down at the small table a few feet away to eat it.

“Why?” Kìoetey couldn’t help but ask.

“After what happened with you, she…freaked out. To put it kindly. I can’t go into much more detail. Patient confidentiality and all. But, the stress on her body was worrying. Once she passed out, I decided to keep her under for the time being so she fully stabilises and she won’t risk pulling out wires or tubes.” Gesturing to the IV Cortez had in her non-splinted arm.

“Is her arm okay? I…didn’t break it, did I?”

“No, not fully. It’ll take about six to eight weeks for them to heal entirely.” Nalin said, taking a sip of water.

“I didn’t….mean to hurt her,” Kìoetey admitted, sadly. “I just…didn’t think.” There was no reply which didn’t quell her concerns. “I just… I wanted to apologise for this harm and…death I caused needlessly.”

“I’m sure she’d appreciate the sentiment but… I think it’s a bit too soon for that.” Nalin said, honestly. “I’d avoid trying to talk to her for at least a few days. Humans respond very differently to…this sort of situation compared to Na’vi.”

Kìoetey nodded; humans hung a lot onto their emotions after the fact and were far fluid in their responses. In all honesty, she had no idea how Cortez would react. “Me and Ri’nela are going away for a few days unless we’re called back for RDA missions. We’re burying our people. You shouldn’t have to worry.”

Nalin nodded, opening her ration back slowly.

Kìoetey spared a last glance to Cortez before making headway towards out. There were other times to address this with Cortez, she supposed. After.

Kìoetey made her way back through the base, passing a few people and overhearing their passive conversation but none of interest so she didn’t change pace until she reached the airlock. She set aside her mask and canister onto the rack, noting the others what had been added since which told her the others were done and waiting.

She didn’t have to go far to find either So’lek or Ri’nela and she was relieved to see them ready, but stepping out of the dark, clouded shades, Kìoetey blinked to see Anufi make an appearance.

“Anufi? You’re here?” Kìoetey asked in surprise, drawing the Tsahìk’s attention to her as she stopped at Ri’nela’s side.

The Tsahìk in question nodded, her tired eyes drifting around to them and then down to the bags of ashes that Ri’nela held carefully to her chest.

“So’lek told me of what was recently returned to you and what must be returned to Eywa. As I am returning to my duties as Tsahìk, I owe a lot to aid. Your people have lost a lot, but… I do recall the Sarentu’s last visit. I helped them with a funeral rite.”

Ri’nela’s head lifted. Her yellow eyes widened a fraction. “You know our people’s way?”

Anufi nodded once, “It was a single but heavy lesson but the Sarentu Tsahìk was grateful to allow us to settle their dead into the circle of ancestors. I will see these three souls are buried in the same manner.”

“In….terms of funeral rites or location?” Kìoetey asked, not sure if she meant one or the other or both for that matter. “You would…allow us to bury our people at The Circle of Ancestors?”

“Returning the spirit from the ashes needs a stronger connection to Eywa.”

Kìoetey spared a look to Ri’nela who nodded at her, approving of the idea. Kìoetey couldn’t disagree; it did sound better than their suggestions. The Circle of Ancestors had a far stronger connection to Eywa than the Tarsyu plant of their people. Children of Eywa were still children of Eywa, regardless of clan.

“Then we shall see that they’re released there,” Ri’nela agreed on her behalf.

“Do you wish for me to join?” So’lek’s question was gentle, “If not, I can stay here at Resistance Base and oversee the humans and keep an eye out on the RDA.”

“We will leave the choice for you,” Kìoetey said, grateful for the offer. “No judgement either way.”

So’lek nodded, looking for a moment conflicted before he gave his answer. “As we are still in unpredictable times with the RDA, I will allow myself to stay back and help with the Resistance in your respectable absence but I will pay my respects to your people once the major conflict has passed.”

“Okay.” Kìoetey could feel some relief in his words. She knew he…wanted to be there for them emotionally and spiritually, and as someone who had buried most of their clan before… he knew. But they needed someone they trusted to have their backs. It wasn’t Cortez any more but So’lek made a good face for the resistance for her to turn to in that regard.

“Follow me,” Anufi whispered softly, gesturing her wood-sharpened prostheses towards the pathway under the thin vein of the dark clouds. Small lights of the plant life still show through the fog.

-

Through the dark, heavy fog, it was nice. Senseless and warm. Every so often there were muffled noises. Distant and concerning, even as the weight that seemed to keep her body pinned seemed to slowly start lifting. The noise began to get louder and sharper.

“...she’s coming up.”

It was almost a bother.

“…go. I’ll stay… make sure…” the sound was inconstistant.

Alma wanted to curl up and let the darkness take her again… blissful sleep. Dreamless. Away from the world’s trouble.

The sensation of her body seemed to slowly reappear; feeling that she was lying down, her top half on an incline as well…her arm seemed to ache; returning her mind more sharply…

Why was her arm hurting?

Alma groaned a little, wiggling her fingers and was met with a swift complaint as pain sharply stabbed down the very bone. “…ow…”

“Careful, didn’t lift your arm just yet. It’s splinted!” The voice became familiar as Alma blearily opened her eyes.

“Nalin?” She asked then frowned at her as her mind sluggishly began to catch up on why she felt like this. “You…gave me a shot?”

“Yes, but it’s wearing off. I’ll get another to help flush the sedative from your system fully but I needed to get your oxygen situation up and…you to be fully stabilised.” That sounded like a loaded sentence that Alma was in no shape to currently unpack.

Nalin seemed to prep the needle and inserted it into the IV port at her hand before she shoved the stopper down and withdrew it.

“Now, while that takes effect. Can you tell me what you last remember?”

“Feels like a trick question,” Alma mumbled, her other hand coming to rub her face, wincing at her arm as she felt a stinging at her fingers and withdrew her hand to…see her hands covered in little cuts; some covered and some not. The skin looked to be very irritated as well but now swollen.  

The glass shattered across the floor. Clear fluid seemed to spread across the metal flooring; seeping everywhere. A little curled up thing….thumb in mouth… lying on the cold, harsh metal….

Alma’s breath came to a pause, the memory resurfacing; the avatar babies… the water… “Kìoetey?!” The words left her lips like a horrified whisper as the last few seconds before the darkness came back. “My…My avatars!” It was perhaps the drugs in her system that stopped her from doing more like trying to scramble out of bed or feel her heart race in her chest but…the calm felt false and she…felt helpless. “They’re dead?” She felt her eyes well up, biting down into her lower lip.

“I’m sorry, Cortez” Nalin’s voice was sympathetic, “Two avatars didn’t make it.”

Alma closed her eyes, trying to hold back her sobs as she tried to comprehend the…odd and familiar sense of grief that…felt so much worse than before. Before when she had one loss. Now she had truly lost it all. No backup, no other options.

“I’ve…I’ve got them right now. They’re wrapped up in a tissue right now in my freezer. When…when you’re able to leave, you can bury them outside.”

Alma didn’t open her eyes as she shifted, rolling enough to not disturb her arm but enough to be on her side, there was a tug from her nose before she yanked it out and tossed the tubing away over the other side of the bed.

“Hey, you need that!”

“No.” She shook her head. She didn’t need more oxygen here. “Go away.”

Nalin let out a soft sigh. “Okay, but we’ll talk more about your…condition when you’re ready for it. Keep your weight off your arm otherwise, you’ll make it worse.”

Alma just grunted but felt her leave, listening out for her steps

She didn’t know how long she lay there just basking in her sadness and just…wanting to sleep it away. But the second shot had been clearing away the grogginess from her mind and body a lot more. The pain in her arm had gotten worse and she had a tension headache as well but it was a low pain at the front of her skull. So, without drugs or…passing out, sleep was not going to come naturally.

It left her mind churning which she didn’t enjoy.

Nor had killed her mature Avatar. Kìoetey had killed the rest. That was not a good metaphor to think about; what that could mean for her. Dead to them? Poetic, if that was the angle. Fitting even for her actions against the Sarentu. Nor had said she had deserved to die but… in which body? The Avatar? Or her? The true her.

She couldn’t face Nor to test that wonder out. Could she face Kìoetey? Alma withdrew at the thought, her arm twinging at the thought. Her arm wasn’t cast up; she had noticed the bag of water; a former ice pack and the splint; she was hurt. But her arm wasn’t broken. At least, not fully.

The splint was a light grey material, adjustable and long so it just about reached the inside of her elbow but with enough space to move it about. It was soft but inside, she could feel the metal plating that kept her arm straight. A part of her was curious to peel it off to see what sort of bruise she had; a break bruise or the lingering mark of Kìoetey’s hand. She’d much prefer the former over the latter but it wasn’t worth the pain or the lecture from Nalin.  

Kìoetey was certainly capable of hurting her again.

Which meant she had to keep her distance from them all to avoid getting hurt for a third time. If Kìoetey of all people snapped, then she wasn’t safe with any of them. It hurt to realise that, an ache to the heart but…where was the lie? The resistance certainly needed the Sarentu, or Kìoetey at the least. The young warrior was needed here; being useful and productive.

Alma had no avatar, her friends seemed to have bailed (understandably but ouch) and her leadership was in solid question with all of her people. Alma knew she was tolerated for the sake of her position. Anqa had said herself that Jake’s action of putting her in charge was the reason she still maintained it. So, there was only the value of Toruk Makto that kept her in charge and he had no idea what she had done.

She dreaded to think what he would do if he found out.

Sooner or later, her position was going to falter. Her injury now and no doubt word of what happened would have spread. Gossip always travelled fast. She needed a plan of action before then. The simplest option was there and it was feeling like a pretty good idea.

It would…be wise to take it as well. She’d heal on her own and the Sarentu would work with the resistance without needing to keep an eye on her; to avoid or ignore. Less of a ghost behind them. It’d give her people time to… adjust and process before she’d try to gain their respect again. She couldn’t help the resistance looking like a wet towel of a person. Especially to the other clan leaders that made their appearance, or would when the time came.

“Cortez?” Nalin returned, her combed-back blonde hair looking a little more ruffled as she stepped around the curtain. “Good, you’re still here.” She visibly relaxed. “Feeling better?”

“Not really.”

“I didn’t have high expectations.”

Alma snorted a little, glad for one the doctor was too tired for bedside manner. Nonetheless, Alma rolled back onto her spine, wincing a little at her arm but allowed the doctor to do her checks.

“How bad is my arm?” Alma decided to ask first. “Not broken?”

“You have four hairline fractures in your forearm.” From the side, Nalin pulled the tablet she had out and held it over to show the sight of an arm scan. “One along your radius, three along your ulna.” Her fingers tapped over the damaged bone where the line was easy to see. But, it traced a horrible like that the breaks occurred around the bone Kìoetey had squeezed. Her finger marks upon her very bones.

“How long will it take to heal?”

“About six to eight weeks. These are bad hairline fractures which is why you’re in a lot more pain than if it was simpler stress fractures. The tendons are also irritated as well so it took a while for the swelling to go down.” Nalin said pulling the tablet back. “I’ll give you some more pain meds in a second. Your fingers are still glass-cut. They’ll be sore still since the fluid in the avatar tubes is from Pandora, which has a lower pP Scale so it irritated the open wounds. I flushed those already but it’ll take a few days before your hands get better.”

Alma tiled her uninjured arm to her hands but simply nodded.

“Which…now leads us to…the more worrying concern I have in regards to your health.” Nalin looked uneasy. “I don’t…know if I can treat it if it doesn’t get better on its own.”

“Tell me,” Alma said.

Nalin pulled out the chair and sat down heavily beside her then swapped over her scan. “I’ve found blood in your brain, Cortez.” Her voice wavering a little. “I can’t… know for sure just yet but… I think you might have had a minor ruptured aneurysm when your avatar died”

Alma’s stomach turned. “Oh god.”

“Small, minor and I think it’s healing which is why I can’t find this aneurysm. That’s…one of the reasons I sedated you; high blood pressure risks a rebleed or worse. I needed you to be at rest long enough for the readings and to make sure you weren’t going to drop dead or have a stroke.”

“Why do I sense a ‘but’ here?” Alma said, dry-mouthed.

“I found another,” Nalin said, turning the screen. “Unruptured, but… I can’t operate. I don’t have the tools to operate on the brain like this. I looked. I checked through all of our supplies. I asked everyone at field labs if they had any but…” She hesitated. “I think they were the med tools that got bombed at HQ.”

Alma swallowed uneasily as she took in the screen. The…budge looked further down than she expected; not too big either but that mattered little for where it was. If that haemorrhaged, then the pressure on her brain would skyrocket. She’d probably either go into a coma or have a stroke…then it could most likely kill her if they couldn’t control the bleeding.

“You’re not trained to treat this, are you?” Which was a sad realisation given Nalin was not a surgeon. She was a medical researcher; now head medic following Hajir’s death. Their situation out here in the jungle… of course, they didn’t have all the tools like a bypass or surgical clips and the risk of surgery wasn’t the best odds in the hands of someone who wasn’t trained for it.

“No, but I’ll see if we have any data on alternative treatments or…if any of the Na’vi have ways to cure it,” Nalin said anxiously. “I plan to talk to Anufi if So’lek can arrange a meeting but it’ll be a few days until then.”

Alma took a shuddering breath, handing off the datapad back to the doctor. “Until then?”

“Observation, at best. Your blood pressure can’t be too high otherwise the risks go up. You need to eat well.” The doctor said, “Which…is why I think it’s best if I medically pull you from active duty as the resistance leader.”

Those words hurt, making her flinch a little but Alma hated how that was the right move on the doctor’s part. It hurt still. It hurt to lose that; being the leader was all she had right now. She had nothing else… she was just…some scientist that everyone hated. But the fact was, she couldn’t lead if she dropped dead in the middle of someone’s mission when they needed her.

“Field lab.” Alma croaked, sucking in sharply.

“What?”

“There’s…a field lab. If…If I stay, I’ll stress. I…don’t think I’m ready to be around…the Sarentu kids. Ri’nela avoids me as it is and…I can’t have this again.” her eyes turned to her arm, but her mind went back to the dead avatars.

Nalin’s head tilted but she looked more surprised than anything. “I thought you’d fight me on that.”

“Normally… probably. I’m not messing with a brain that might pop.” She had some self-preservation still, thank you very much and until she knew it was curable or terminal, she was going to try her best to stay alive. She was probably gonna cry about this later… alone. “Don’t tell anyone about this, or that it’s me that’s affected.” She asked.

“You...don’t want to tell anyone?”

“No. I don’t…want to see their pity if it winds up killing me.” Alma winced at her own words, having how her heart pattered too fast. “I…I don’t want people to be nice for the sake of me dying. I want…forgiveness but I can’t have that on the account of pity. It’s false. I don’t wanna die believing lies.”

Perhaps it was some spite or passive aggressiveness but… she didn’t want to live basking in unearned forgiveness. How people treat her, regardless of her life expectancy, was their choice. They could live with that themselves.

“Why not the Sarentu at the very least?”

“No.” Her tonal was final on that. She didn’t deserve their worry if they knew if they would want to. “I think it's best we wait until you’ve got the answer, doc.” Still, right now, she still has a chance. Lest not dwell on the bad first.

“Fine.” Nalin looked very… unhappy about it but with patient confidentiality, she had no choice on the matter.

“Let me look into field labs. I’ll pack after I bury my little avatars. Anqa can take me there.”

“I’m not leaving you there on your own.”

“I don’t expect anything less,” Alma said tiredly because she really didn’t; the woman was doing her best to look after her, regardless of her own personal feelings towards her. “Picking someone good, doc.”

Link to the Polls; Alma's fate!

[safetycar-restart]

I'm sure you've probably posted something about this, but that photo of Charles in the paddock on Wednesday already looking so done got me thinking!

Clearly, Pierre is living his best life this season. His car is fast, his team adore him, they have options and he's so settled and happy! And you and Charles have a huge part to play in this, of course! Everything has slipped into place for him. Charles however, well, dude had a penalty in race 2 and things are not going too well for him.

What if he doesn't share how much its bothering him with you because he doesn't want to upset Pierre, because his Pierre deserves all the best things in the while wide world and things are finally so good for him, so Charles won't say anything to make his Pierre worry. You know your bunny, you are his mommy after all! You can tell there's something bothering him, so when Pierre is at an Alpine event in Australia, you sit your little bunny down and remind him he can always talk to you and you can't help him if you don't know what's really going on. And he's just so overwhelmed! He gets teary and just starts telling you everything he's been carrying about with him, all of the feelings and tears just come pouring out and he begs you not to tell his Pierre. Your heart breaks for him, he's trying to be so brave and so strong but he's so sad and hurt and tired. So you snuggle him down with his favourite blanket, and snacks and give him all the cuddles and kisses.

Pierre is confused when he gets back to the suite, but in true Pierre fashion, he asks 0 questions, just climbs under the blanket when you raise it for him and snuggles his bunny, giving him lots of kisses. You know he'll ultimately ask you later, but right now he gets head scratches for being good and taking care of Charles.

(If its not taken could I have the 🐼?)

Firstly, of course you can have that emoji! I’ll add it to the claimed list (if you’d like to claim an emoji, there’s a claimed list on my pinned post, if you can’t see the pin post then let me know and I’ll send you the list of claimed emojis). And then secondly, I love this!!!

I fully agree that Charles would try to pretend he’s fine. His Pierre is FINALLY happy!! He doesn’t want to ruin it by being all sad and needy. He just wants his Pierre to really enjoy this time and enjoy finally being in a good team where he’s loved and able to compete.

Charles really couldn’t be happier for his Pierre.

But his season has started so badly and he already feels so sad and unmotivated for the rest of the season. He really wants to talk to his mommy and his Pierre about it, but he doesn’t want to be a burden. He knows the moment he speaks about it, you and Pierre will ignore how well Pierre is doing and turn all your attention to looking after him (which if he’s honest, is exactly what he needs but he doesn’t want to ruin everything for Pierre).

The issue, of course, is that you notice this. You’re his mommy! Of course you’d notice your sweet bunny isn’t himself and is much sadder than usual. He tries so hard to put on a brave face but you see right through him.

And the thing is, I think Pierre might as well? But Pierre knows that you can get Charles to open up more than he can. So he willingly goes to the Alpine event alone, instead of asking you to come with, so that you can talk to Charles.

Firstly, Charles is so relieved to hear that you aren’t going with Pierre to the Alpine event. He really really needs some alone time with his mommy.

The moment it’s just the two of you in the hotel room, you invite him to come sit on the couch with you and wrap your arm around his shoulders. He leans into you so easily, pulling his legs up and over your lap. He’s feeling so sad and so small and some cuddles are exactly what he wants.

But then you start talking and ask him what’s bothering him, reminding him that you’re his mommy and it’s your job to look after him. You can’t do that job properly if he doesn’t tell you what’s wrong.

He sniffles a few times and then it all comes pouring out. It’s half what you expected, about how bad Ferrari are and how sad he is about the start to the season and how hopeless he feels his championship chances.

Then he starts to talk about Pierre, about how bad he feels for ruining Pierre’s happiness, about how he needs to be happy for Pierre finally getting the team he deserves and not be upset about his own troubles. He says he feels bad, like he’s being a bad bunny because he can’t put aside his issues to support Pierre.

Your heart just breaks for him.

And you also feel like you’ve failed him? He shouldn’t have to think like that, shouldn’t even be considering that his needs might upset Pierre. He should always be able to express that, always.

And unfortunately there’s not much you can do for your sweet bunny because you can’t suddenly make Ferrari a reasonable team. But you can give him all the support possible and make sure he knows his needs will never be less important than Pierre’s happiness.

Especially because there’s no way Pierre would want to be kept in the dark about this. Pierre wants to know what his bunny needs, just like you!!

So you bring Charles to bed and let him hide against your chest. He cries for a little while, which you just hold him through because sometimes he just needs to let it all out.

Once he’s cried out, you wipe his face clean and give him kisses and then just put some calming music on. You offer to get something on the tv but Charles says no. He doesn’t want that type of distraction. He just wants to be held and to feel close to his mommy.

So that’s what you do, just running your hands up and down his back and letting Charles hide from the world in your arms, let him be a sad little bunny.

When Pierre comes, he’s concerned. You can see what he wants to ask why Charles is all curled up, but he doesn’t. He just quickly gets changed and climbs into bed.

“Pierre?” Charles asks, he almost seems like he’s about to sit up but you pull him back down. You refuse to let Charles put on a happy face again.

Charles lays back down on your chest, and he relaxes even more when Pierre hugs him from behind. He spoons bunny, kissing his neck and resting his hands on Charles’s tummy.

“Want cuddles bunny?” Pierre asks, “alright, you’ll get your cuddles.”

He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t ask anymore questions. Charles clearly needs quiet cuddles, so he’ll get quiet cuddles.

Tomorrow Pierre will ask you what happened, and you’ll tell him to ask Charles. And then you’ll sit them both down and let them talk.

Your bunny will be well cared for.

[vessuna]

hc + childhood <:

send me  ‘ hc ‘  + a word and i’ll write a headcanon about it .

if anyone were to ask, yuuji would say that he had a very happy childhood. and he did, for the most part. he never went without food or clothes, and his grandpa tried his best to raise him well, and while wasuke wasn't the type to say i love you very often, yuuji still grew up feeling loved and knowing he was loved. his grandfather expressed this through his actions more than his words. he was a very happy kid.

then wasuke's health began to turn when he was around 13, and he had to start helping out a lot more around the house. he started doing more of the housework by himself, like cooking and cleaning, and he had to help his grandpa get around and do things more and more as time went on. wasuke insisted he didn't have to, but he did anyway. he couldn't go out with his friends as often, and he couldn't spend time for himself as often ; not because he wasn't allowed to, but because he'd put that burden of caring for his grandpa on his own shoulders. it led to a lot of stress and for yuuji to start showing more "troubled" behaviours, like getting into fights.

eventually yuuji had to realise that he couldn't do it on his own anymore, and his grandpa was hospitalised. maybe just before he started high school, so freshly 15. he felt awful about it, but it took a huge weight off of his chest, and his grandpa was there for a few months before he passes away at the start of the series. yuuji will still say that he had a happy childhood. it's not his grandpa's fault he got ill, nor is it his fault yuuji took it upon himself to be his carer. but he doesn't tend to mention that stressful part of his life very often.

[femboykyo]

How Kyo and his story can be related to trans(even lgbt+) themes

From a kyo kinnie transman🏳️‍⚧️

* Please feel free to correct something or point out something I might have missed.

In this we’ll look at how the curse can be literal and metaphorical, how Kyo’s story can be tied to trans, even just queer representation, and what it means for us as kinnies or just a fandom.

~the curse(literally is a generational curse)

examples of generational curses:

-Family beliefs/traditions can put pressure on children and when they get their own family it can cause religious or family trauma

•Akito’s father kept repeating that Akito was going to be like this and do this and be loved by everyone. This put Akito on a pedestal and put a huge burden on her shoulders. This caused a strain within his family. Later on putting an even thinner strain on the extended family.

•Akito grew up believing that she was solely important, that no one else was to be a priority. Which in turn made the zodiacs feel trapped rather than loved.

-Abusive parents can lead to future abusive parents. When a parent or parents are abusive, the child or children will either grow up bitter or abusive to their future partner(s) and/or children, thinking that this is the best way.

•Akito’s mother was jealous of someone who was too small to understand everything to properly raise her. She often put her down and even try to fight/kill her when Akito got older. Akito’s mother never had motherly care so Akito grew up alone and bitter. Eventually because of that lack of care and love, she would often display bipolar/manipulative tendencies.

->The whole Sohma family was raised around a religious trauma curse that also tied into an abusive one as well. While having to deal with a literal curse they had two, three, maybe even seven tied with it as well. Taught that being the way they are was wrong, that no one would love them or their animal forms. Which brings us to the Cat and its curse.

~ We know that the Cat is the only one with two forms. The sweet little cat and its monster form that was giant and disgusting smelling, marking it as scary and dangerous. Only because the rest saw it as something awful, because the story was twisted. Kyo and those before him had to wear a bracelet to keep it hidden. Like how most trans/lgbt+ youth(even adults) hide behind a mask or “typical”’ gendered activities, clothes, personalities. Girls did this and boys would do that and all of those twisted words.

•all of us if not most of us were taught and told that being lgbt+ was wrong. That it was disgusting or against nature. If a parent(s) found out they would often even try to hide it or try to say you were to stop thinking that way or else. So we put on our own bracelets and walked on hiding and hating this side of ourselves.

->Kyo(us) wanted to fit in, to have a place to belong so bad that he(we) were willing to even take it out on someone(something) else. How come I’m the bad guy? Why did I have to be the Cat? Why does this straight person get to do this? Why can’t I be normal? But we all were. Me, you, Kyo, we were normal, they just didn’t know how to love something they didn’t understand. Now not everyone was like this. Deep down a lot of the sohma’s wanted to just be free(like how Kyo almost seemed to be in their eyes) or did just love him(like his adopted father and Tohru, even Kagura mostly). We had at least someone love us. We all had at least one Tohru, or a Kagura, or even a Kazuma.

*I can relate to Kyo so much because I also felt like an outcast. I felt like I had to hide and hate who I was so people would love and care for me. I even got mad at my own family sometimes. How come certain people would do this or that for someone but not me just because I was lgbt+? Why did that matter so much? I was still that math loving, anime watching, book reading goofball that they grew up with. I hated myself more and I even tried to reject how I felt. Then I met a Tohru. Someone who came from love and care who saw the best of me. Even when I transformed and got angry(Like Kyo when his bracelet was taken off and he changed) she/he/they chased after me and held me and stayed. She/he/they accepted all of me.

•A lot of the characters in this anime could be metaphors or examples of real life traumas and experiences. Like Rin and her eating disorder or Momiji and his sister getting separated. Even Yuki and his depression, anxiety, health complications. I think that’s why a lot of us love it and watch it over and over and over again. We can all feel for a character or two. So even if you feel like you are alone, remember that there is a Tohru out there for you. I promise😘

*Let me know if there’s something I missed/may have gotten wrong. Please let me know if any ideas related to this come into your mind.

[wishmemel]

dria, i promised i'd tell you my favourite parts of this fic, so here i am !! love you sm bby, you deserve the world <33

"You still talk in your sleep after so long, Suguru? You think, but you swallow it with a smile."

so first of all... idk what it was with this part but it made my heart just melt. like literally melt and turn into gush and goo. i loved how reader is so in tune and familiar with sugu — there's something so so meaningful about the way reader says "after so long" like agsagshdhd KILL ME. this implies they've been this familiar w him forever ever and i love that.

"From here you can see the edge of his shoulder, a soft red mark blooming on his bare skin. Was that you? No, you don’t remember doing that. Maybe it was Satoru.

Maybe it was the both of you. You can never tell."

"you can never tell" OKAY I SEE YOU GODDAMN. I BLUSHED.

"Sometimes, the three of you tend to forget you’re just kids. Fresh out of highschool and starting from scratch — desperately trying to make something of your own."

kay this part literally gutted me istg. fresh out of high school and they just moved out and tried to make it on their own?? thats so sad, im literally sobbing. also the way i took this was that they all just had rlly terrible/overbearing families and decided they'd just move out asap and that made it even sadder for me 😭😭

"Ever since he decided to put his inheritance from the Gojo clan on hold, so the three of you could do this on your own. Ever since Suguru started taking extra missions to help with rent. Ever since you started taking half of Nanami’s overtime shifts — is pride the name of the heat bubbling inside him? Or is it disappointment?"

SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING. he put his inheritance on hold??? i love him sm omg, this is so him. he always plays hero i love him sm. the way all 3 of them just had to give smth up to be together. im crying.

“Suguru tied a bandana around the bottom of the faucet, it’ll stop the dripping until we can—”

yeah im not crying. just moisture. SUGU TIED A BANDANA THERE CAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE MONEY TO GET IT FIXED. dria wtf why. im sobbing.

“No.” He shakes his head, shifting to fold one leg under him as he finally turns to look at you. “It’s the whole apartment, it’s the late shifts — it’s all the things I can’t do.” Satoru’s voice cracks an octave higher than it should."

“All the things I can’t give you two.” Satoru whispers, mostly to himself than to you." HE SAID I. HE SAID ALL THE THINGS I CAN'T DO. the way he takes up all the burden on himself and blames himself for it. hes so pathetic and horrible and i love him so much. these two lines r so tragic. gut me with them.

"It’s what he’s supposed to do. That’s what love is. He’s supposed to want to give you two the best. He’s supposed to do all the heavy lifting — he’s the strongest. He's supposed to take care of the both of you."

i love this tragic trope sm of satoru not wanting to rely on others and only take up the burden himself. he's so selfless and terrible. it's why i love him sm. also did i mention you characterized him so so well? do you see him in visions or something? this entire fic just has my heart.

also him saying "thats what love is" NO. NO MY SWEET DARLING BOY NO. let me reteach you love pls i can't do this anymore...

“I could drown in the bathroom tonight for all I care.”

I LOVE SUGU HE'S SO REAL AND SO FUNNY. toru i would also drown in the bathroom if it meant you'd stop being stupid about this.

"Why are you looking at him and smiling like that?

Why is Suguru so unbothered?"

BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU STUPID. omg im sobbing. why is he like this.

“What the hell is wrong with you two…” Satoru mumbles beneath his breath, turning his body completely, both legs crossed as he sits on the bed. “This isn’t— this isn’t what we wanted…”

Satoru can’t help but burn inside at the way you two don’t even realize you’ve gotten the short end of the stick with this life. This life with him—"

the way he thinks theyve made a huge sacrifice to be with him when really its just love. they didn't sacrifice anything. his insecurities and fears are spot on here and described so well. my stomach hurts just reading these lines. he's so annoying i wanna drop kick him.

"In your mind, you think of a million different ways to answer the question, a million different ways to break down and explain and talk and talk and talk about how you feel but ultimately it all leads back to—

“One word, yes or no.”

i love love the build up in this part with reader's thoughts going into sugu's spoken sentence. it's so effortless and it made my heart feel so full as if he was reading their mind.

i wanna highlight the entire ending starting from here and copy paste it because the ending is honestly my favourite part. its the perfect mix of hurt/fluff and you lead into it so well. it feels kinda relieving bc of the happy ending and the little lighthearted jokes you dropped in, but at the same time it also felt so so melancholic. like i love this fic but i also know and it makes me wanna cry that satoru probably didn't stop thinking of this. his fears were put to rest for a little while but they'll probably show up again. sobbing.

anyway, dria, your writing is just fantastic, my love. i could go on and on but that would be a lot. thank you for putting your time and effort into this work. i hope it gets the appreciation it deserves !!

i'm just — gojo satoru and geto suguru.

wc : 1.6k

summary : (fem!reader) satoru gets lost in his head way too early in the morning, you and suguru ease his worries with one simple question.

part of : the star paradox collection.

notes : honestly this is before megs, tsumiki and the twins, just when the trio is figuring out their futures and i wanna show rlly how complex satoru's feelings are but from the pov of the ppl who love him. bcus let's bfr suguru and reader would live in a cardboard box under a bridge with satoru if it meant the three of them would be happy.

other : mentions of hickeys/lovebites ig? poly satosugu x reader but labels haven't really been defined so do with that as you may. and yes this is totally reader n suguru telling satoru that hes kenough!

current casette : i'm just ken - barbie, the album

You wake to a weight pressed against your left arm, blood rushing to your fingertips. A soft gust of summer air blows the thin blue curtains to the side, just as the morning sun peeks out from beyond the railing of the balcony. It’s hot.

It’s not just hot. The apartment is quiet.

Not often is it this quiet.

Wiggling your legs beneath the covers, you roll onto your left side, and the first thing you see makes your heart do a somersault.

Suguru, with his head pressed against your arm, his chin snug in the inside of your elbow. You don’t want to wake him — really, when was the last time any of you got a full night’s sleep let alone the privilege of sleeping in during the day?

One of your legs hike over the thigh Suguru has slotted between your own thighs, and there’s a sliver of movement beneath his eyelids. You freeze.

There’s a shift in his breathing pattern, like he’s about to wake up, and instead of moving your leg more, the arm he’s laying on moves around him to the back of his neck, pulling him closer and into your chest.

In his sleep, he mumbles something inaudible.

You still talk in your sleep after so long, Suguru?You think, but you swallow it with a smile.

Strands of jet black swallow your chest like a blanket. Silently, you card Suguru’s hair between your fingertips. Halfway down, the length of your thumb hooks on a broken hair tie, and you pull it out, a few darkened knots coming with it.

Graciously, you discard it on the empty side of the bed next to you. Satoru's side.

The pillow is cold.

Back then, you would slide out of Suguru’s hold and saunter off to find Satoru, drag him back to bed maybe. But now, you’re old enough to know he can never stay away too long.

No sappy stuff! Satoru just gets major FOMO when you and Suguru cuddle without him, that’s all!

His words, not yours.

The sunlight beaming in from the open balcony door warms your skin, heating the curve of your jaw, the flesh of your cheeks buzzing with warmth. You look down at Suguru, wondering if you should close the curtains before the light bothers him—

He’s like a baby, just laying there on your chest.

From here you can see the edge of his shoulder, a soft red mark blooming on his bare skin. Was that you? No, you don’t remember doing that. Maybe it was Satoru.

Maybe it was the both of you. You can never tell.

Suguru shifts, nuzzling his head into you, tip of his nose in between your breasts, and you wonder if he can even breathe like that.

He babbles something mindlessly, and his arms snake around your waist, pressing his weight firmly on top of you. Curious, you move a tuft of hair out of his face.

His eyes form soft slits, moisture tickling the edge of his dark lashes from sleep, his lips parted slightly with soft breaths. He’s beautiful like this.

“...Did I wake you?” A whisper comes from across the room, and you turn your attention from Suguru to where Satoru is leaning against the doorframe, shirtless and eyes heavy with sleep.

Carefully, you check on Suguru before you glance back at Satoru. “No, you’re fine…” You whisper back, hyper aware of your volume. “I got warm, is all.” The last thing you want to do is wake Suguru, and Satoru gets the idea quick as he steps over to the end of the bed.

“Warm?” Satoru repeats, rubbing a fist over his eyes, before he glances over at the open balcony doors adjacent to the bed, the baby blue curtains swaying softly with the little wind. And it clicks in his brain. “Yeah, the thermostat is still busted — I tried fixing it,” he murmurs, taking a seat at the edge of the bed, back turned to you. “I’ll just call someone to get it fixed later.”

Suguru stirs atop your chest, and you pat the top of his head, coaxing him to sleep more.

“Do we even have the money to get it fixed anyway?” You ask, soft.

Sometimes, the three of you tend to forget you’re just kids. Fresh out of highschool and starting from scratch — desperately trying to make something of your own. “I can ask Nanami to look at it tomorrow—”

“I don’t want you to ask Nanami, though.” Satoru cuts you off, and you breathe a sigh.

“Don’t be prideful, ‘toru. It’s just a thermostat.”

Satoru feels a foreign feeling bubble in him. Rather, not foreign, but a variation of the same feeling he’s been feeling these past days.

Ever since he decided to put his inheritance from the Gojo clan on hold, so the three of you could do this on your own. Ever since Suguru started taking extra missions to help with rent. Ever since you started taking half of Nanami’s overtime shifts — is pride the name of the heat bubbling inside him? Or is it disappointment?

“It’s more than the thermostat, name.” He whispers, looking over his shoulder for all but a mere second, waiting for Suguru to stir again. But he doesn’t.

He can’t run to Suguru to stall this conversation. “It’s the bathroom sink—”

“Suguru tied a bandana around the bottom of the faucet, it’ll stop the dripping until we can—”

“No.” He shakes his head, shifting to fold one leg under him as he finally turns to look at you. “It’s the whole apartment, it’s the late shifts — it’s all the things I can’t do.” Satoru’s voice cracks an octave higher than it should.

You open your mouth to say something, but no words come out. Suguru’s body rolls to the side and you take advantage of this to slowly start sliding up against the headboard.

“All the things I can’t give you two.” Satoru whispers, mostly to himself than to you.

Suguru sleepily stretches his arm to you, his fist curling around the hem of your shirt just as your back leans against the wood of the headboard. “I never asked for anything though… I doubt Suguru has either.” You reply in a mumble.

You’re right. Satoru knows that. But why would you and Suguru ever need to ask him for anything?

It’s what he’s supposed to do. That’s what love is. He’s supposed to want to give you two the best. He’s supposed to do all the heavy lifting — he’s the strongest. He's supposed to take care of the both of you.

“You’re stupid if you think we care about all that.” Suguru’s voice cuts through the air, hoarse from sleep but thick with something other than sleep — conviction, pride.

Pride in Satoru. Pride in you. “Who cares about the thermostat? Who cares about the sink?” His head lifts only a few centimeters away from your chest, his eyes still closed but his voice showing no signs of slumber at all. “I could drown in the bathroom tonight for all I care.”

You smile a little. And Satoru looks over at you two, albeit a little incredulously.

Why are you looking at him and smiling like that?

Why is Suguru so unbothered?

Satoru tries to wrap his head around it but for the life of him he can’t.

“What the hell is wrong with you two…” Satoru mumbles beneath his breath, turning his body completely, both legs crossed as he sits on the bed. “This isn’t— this isn’t what we wanted…”

The three of you wanted peace. A life full of shenanigans and sporadic missions. A life where you’d worry about nothing, do nothing but feel everything.

Satoru can’t help but burn inside at the way you two don’t even realize you’ve gotten the short end of the stick with this life. This life with him—

“name.” Suguru mumbles into your chest, just as he raises his head to your eye level, the first time he’s opened his eyes since morning. And yet, there’s a softness in them you’ve never seen before. “Are you happy?” Suguru asks, simply, straightforward.

In your mind, you think of a million different ways to answer the question, a million different ways to break down and explain and talk and talk and talk about how you feel but ultimately it all leads back to—

“One word, yes or no.” Suguru tilts his head, looking up at you expectantly yet prepared. Like he already knows what you’ll say before you think it.

“Are you happy?” He asks again and Satoru strains his gaze to the bedsheets, waiting for an answer he thinks he doesn’t want to hear. Because how? How can you be happy?

“Yes.” The answer leaves your mouth with a fluidity, like it came out absentmindedly, without needing any thought. And Satoru is about to say something like about it not being so easy or Suguru’s question being dumb and vague, but—

“Now, Suguru, are you happy?” Suguru mimics Satoru’s voice, dramatically raising his pitch a few tones, even going as far to open his eyes wide — like he’s got six eyes to spare. “Oh, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been—!” Suguru raises his arms in an over the top gesture and you can’t help but laugh.

You look over to Satoru, and he’s looking at you and Suguru like he’s seeing something he’s never seen before.

And the knot twisting inside of him loosens. Just enough for him to have to force himself to bite back a chuckle. I don't even talk like that, he wants to say.

“Are you happy, Satoru?” You ask, and he stills for a moment. And now he thinks he understands Suguru’s dumb not so easy but extremely vague question.

He’s never not been happy when he’s with you two. It shouldn’t even be a question.

“I’m never… not happy…” He whispers, his shoulders slouching forwards. “But it’s not—”

You cut him off with a grin. “One word.”

Suguru laughs. “Yes or no?”

Satoru sits a little straighter, and he feels like he can breathe easier.

“Yes. It’s always yes with you two.”