#he gets to do whatever he wants and none of us personally know pratchett to be able to say he disagrees

[arosebyan0thername]

Very very devisive opinions about GO s2 on my dash and I haven't seen it yet but so far I am siding with the "it was fun and I like gay people" group instead of the "no we liked when they weren't actually gay but now they're really gay so I'm mad about it" group

[ouidamforeman]

Okay if you hope Neil dies then stop giving him money, stop giving him indirect revenue by keeping his fandom alive. Say it with your whole chest or don’t say it at all

Fandom is not an advertisement and I haven’t paid for anything that goes to him for years 😌 Pretending all fandom is “indirect revenue” to anyone who created a piece of media whether it’s a writer or anything else is disingenuous and performative and trying to control others to your arbitrary moral standards. You are not only reducing fandom to consumerism but dismissing many other people’s work as well. Pretending that something this indirect is causing harm is performative when people do things and Actually spend money on things that do real direct harm. I’m also suspicious of this attitude of “cut all monetary flow to bad people” because well while celebrities absolutely don’t need that money and can often use it for harm, “someone did a Bad and therefore they should not be paid” is a bit iffy to me. The degree to which money is power in these situations is subjective and I know it’s uncomfortable but whether one’s money is going somewhere it’s doing harm or not is your individual decision to make. I’m not even spending money on NG myself and im skeptical of what practical good “no more money” would do in this case. It’s largely symbolic. There are ways to cull a bad person’s influence that aren’t harassing random fans of work that was never even solely made by this guy on social media. I and others are perfectly capable of enjoying a novel or tv show while cutting support and acceptance of a writer. Discussion of this and not letting the issue be swept away is how we do this, not nebulous “you’re symbolically supporting a bad evil guy!!”. He did harm with his power and influence which we can prevent without being reactionary and acting like a work of art or adaptation are synonymous with the person who made them (and never made alone, even!!!) Pretending this man is a sole auteur of good omens or whatever the fuck else is giving him power he doesn’t deserve, and causing wanton destruction because you feel powerless to stop harm that’s already happened is unbelievably foolish. Genuinely go outside and think about what good you can actually do instead of harassing people who are not even supporting the guy materially in any way and are in fact committed to finding ways of keeping him away from vulnerable people in fan spaces and calling for him to be removed from productions so everyone else’s work can be honored without more needless destruction, you know, something materially practical that isn’t moral posturing. You have literally made up that I am funneling money to this guy when I am not, and you know what? If he gets paid for work he did I don’t really care. I care about stopping the influence he had over people. I don’t think “something you did could possibly be construed as an advertisement for something he contributed to!!!!” and “Make absolutely sure none of your money is in any way even indirectly going to the bad evil person!” are the way to do any of this.

Also like fuck Terry Pratchett I guess, there’s no way one of his best works deserves to go in the trash because the co writer is a shit guy. Different people are going to deal with this in different ways. We all just want to prevent harm and people WILL disagree on what the best way to do that is. I think it’s getting him to step down from these media projects and not be involved in spaces where he can exert influence anymore. You may disagree, but do Not pretend you are ostensibly in the only moral right just because it looks good to you to say fake activist soundbites like this in random financially powerless fans’ inboxes. I keep joking that i hope he dies because i actually am mad and want him to stop! I’m doing what my moral compass says is ok. And that’s all I’ll say on the matter. Go do something kind instead of trying to control others

[rotationalsymmetry]

Animorphs Read-Through Book 4 (Whale Morphs) Part 2: There's really bad bad guys and less bad bad guys, and apparently Innis Two Two Six is a less bad bad guy

I appreciate Rachel being ready to call 911, but there’s actually a wide range of reasons someone might pass out for a moment that aren’t 911 worthy. Side note, it is wild that kids aren’t really taught first aid as a routine everyone-does-it thing. It’s not like basic first aid takes that long. It can be rolled into science or health or whatever.

Very sad that Tobias didn’t get caught by his romantic interest. Maybe they’re not meant to be.

The problem with partnering people up in a five person team…

Gosh, I wonder what type of being that we know of isn’t human and uses thought speech.

What… what do you mean it’s not speaking in words? What is it speaking in?

I just realized: the only constraint on their morphing that’s affecting the narrative is the two hour limit, which Applegate has been getting a lot of mileage out of. But Elfangor referenced other risks that he didn’t have time to explain. Ax would know though. So maybe we’ll get more things for the kids to worry about!

I also just realized: I don’t think they mentioned Kadrona rays even once in the last book. Which make sense. It didn’t really come up.

I do appreciate how this series is clearly meant to be interpretable if you read it out of order. Or don’t remember shit from the last book.

The series that is the absolute best for that is Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series. Most books can just be read whenever. There is no continuity other than the setting and Death. The first book I read was The Hogfather, which was like the 20th book in the series or something, and it was fine.

D’awww, they’re all on board for “ok, well if it’s an Andalite of course we have to do a rescue.”

Is the next one going to be a Marco POV? I want a Marco POV.

I still don’t know what they told their parents to make them be chill about camping out in a cave last book, and I don’t know what they told them this time to let them be out at the ocean (and we have no idea how far away they live from the ocean and we do know none of them drive) after dark.

Can I tell which coast they’re on based on the moon? Presumably it’s a new moon because it’s visible in the evening rather than the morning, and it’s setting, and the direction it’s setting in would be west, and it sounds like it’s setting over the ocean. Implies west coast?

If they’re in California I think they might be acting overly paranoid about not mentioning their state. There’s a million people in California.

Well. Can’t be too careful I guess.

Apparently the red-tailed hawk range suggests they’re not in North Dakota, but not much else. Good choice of bird.

The “a million people in California” was of course supposed to be a generic large number, not a precise sum. It’s 40 million actually.

We can do some north-south narrowing down if we get a water temperature.

Unless they’re fabricating some details to hide their true location. That would be smart.

Interestingly, I think Rachel respects Marco a lot more than Cassie does, even though she doesn’t act respectfully towards him.

Oh! That does actually explain why it’s Cassie and Tobias.

I still can’t believe it’s called The Sharing. What a creepy sounding name.

I wonder if we ever find out why Mom Chapman wanted to yeerk.

Oh shit. Well they have to get to Ax before Visser Three does.

Fucking Yeerks. They have every reason to believe this is a normal group of teenagers just messing around. But they’re shooting.

…I think in general fresh water fish can’t live in salt water and vice versa, but trout… don’t they have some fresh water/salt water life cycle thing?

“That fool should not have been shooting.” Thank you, Innis Two Two Six, voice of reason.

[the-light-followed]

WYRD SISTERS (1988) [DISC. #6; WITCHES #2]

“‘No one would come up here this time of night.’  Magrat peered around timidly.  Here and there on the moor were huge standing stones, their origins lost in time, which were said to lead mobile and private lives of their own. She shivered.  ‘What’s to be afraid of?’ she managed.  ‘Us,’ said Granny Weatherwax, smugly.”

Rating: 6/10

Standalone Okay: Yes

Read First: Yeah!

Discworld Books Masterpost: [x]

* * * * * * * * * *

I’m just going to jump right in with this one: the best part about the Witches sub-series of the Discworld is that they are all, in their own way, stories about stories.  They’re stories that follow other stories, the tropes and archetypes and established narrative structure, but they’re also stories that subvert that structure at just the right moment to make something that feels much more truthful, and often, much more real.

Stories about stories.

This is sometimes very literal: Wyrd Sisters, for example, has very obvious Shakespearean roots, notably from Hamlet and Macbeth, and seems to gleefully delight in throwing around references—three witches meeting to cast spells, blood on the murderer’s hands that won’t wash away, the ghost of a murdered father begging his son to seek revenge, a theater called The Dysk that mimics Shakespeare’s Globe, etc., etc., etc.—that then get turned over on their heads.  We’ll see it done again with the fairy tale elements of Witches Abroad, and the Phantom of the Opera parody that is Maskerade. These books are, in a very real sense, skipping the setup and instead using cultural touchstones as framework. The books starring the witches are literally new stories being told about stories we, the audience, already know and recognize.

But sometimes it isn’t literal at all: witches, after all, work magic most often through psychology and metaphor.  “Headology,” as the witches call it, is the basis of witchcraft, and it’s all about the stories being told.  It’s in the things the witches do for respect, like their hats and black outfits and their out-of-the-way cottages they pass down from one witch to the next, or the way they bow instead of curtsey.  It’s in the things they call magic even when it isn’t, like using real herbs and medicines to cure illnesses, or waving their hands over a pot of tea and chanting nonsense before ‘reading the future’ in the leaves, all of it only for the look of the thing from the outside.

And it’s also in the things they tell themselves. For example, when Magrat’s broomstick stops working in Wyrd Sisters, she does what she calls a Change spell—which simply means that the rest of the world remains the same, but she changes the way she sees herself.  Before, she was a young woman on a broom rapidly falling out of the sky, and now she’s a confident young witch who can deal with any disaster that comes her way, so she’s therefore a lot less worried about it.  

And it works.  That’s the thing: Magrat is just fine.  Witches do magic in and on themselves, it’s all nothing more than a thought, and yet it works.

None of the Witches books are particularly subtle about the point they’re trying to make with the whole deal, either.  In Wyrd Sisters, it seems like everyone is talking about the power of words and stories, the way that the things we tell ourselves and each other can shape the reality of the world we inhabit.  There are some negatives you can pull out of that message—history is malleable and written by the victors, propaganda triumphs over the truth, etc., etc.  But there are a lot of more interesting, thought-provoking ideas to consider, instead. For example: just because narrative structure has already delivered us the broad strokes of the plot (anyone who’s studied any Shakespeare, which can reasonably be assumed to be any native English speaker older than about sixteen, can probably guess the general course of Wyrd Sisters by about page twenty), it doesn’t mean there can’t be originality and meaning in the specifics.

And that originality and meaning is what makes all the Discworld books work so well.  Pratchett is parodying, sure, but he’s also creating something very new and earnest and sincere, and that just doesn’t work if the story is an exact beat-for-beat retelling of an already-told tale.

Wyrd Sisters agrees with that idea. Destiny is all well and good—it’s nice to think that what’s to come is pre-planned, easy to predict, and impossible to subvert—but the world just doesn’t work like that.  The story isn’t plotted out in advance.

As Pratchett says later in the book: “Destiny was funny stuff…You couldn’t trust it.  Often you couldn’t even see it.  Just when you knew you had it cornered, it turned out to be something else—coincidence, maybe, or providence.  You barred the door against it, and it was standing behind you.  Then just when you thought you had it nailed down it walked away with the hammer.”

The witches certainly don’t truck with destiny.  Or, well, it may be a tool in their storytelling arsenal, but they don’t see it as a concrete thing.  Destiny is what you make of it, and Granny and Nanny are movers and shakers.  That makes it especially ironic that the book is called Wyrd Sisters—the word “wyrd” is an old Anglo-Saxon concept referring to fate or personal destiny, so the “wyrd sisters” themselves typically would be the three Fates, a la Greek mythology, rather than three women who tend to grab Fate and Destiny by the ears and twist until they decide to agree that the witches have the right of it.

Honestly, though, if Granny Weatherwax looked at me like that, I’d do whatever she wanted, too.

I just want to bring up something I really like about Pratchett’s writing style: despite the fantastical setting, despite how far from reality he can get, he’s not afraid to switch to Roundworld concepts or just flat-out break the fourth wall in exchange for better, more impactful descriptions.  I like to call this cinematic writing, and sometimes that’s actually very literal. There are quite a few passages in various Discworld books where he starts to write in an almost movie-script style.  After Moving Pictures, which is still a good four books away at this point, I think that becomes less notable.  Here, and in the previous few Discworld books (Mort, Sourcery, Equal Rites), when Discworld does not have any parallel equivalent to Roundworld’s Hollywood, it’s pretty damn unusual for an author to just outright throw aside their own fantasy setting to make a description in real-world terms.

My favorite example of this from Wyrd Sisters:

“It is almost impossible to convey the sudden passage of fifteen years and two months in words.  It’s a lot easier in pictures, when you just use a calendar with lots of pages blowing off, or a clock with hands moving faster and faster until they blur, or trees bursting into blossom and fruiting in a matter of seconds… Well, you know.  Or the sun becomes a fiery streak across the sky, and days and nights flicker past jerkily like a bad zoetrope, and the fashions visible in the clothes shop across the road whip on and off faster than a lunchtime stripper with five pubs to do. There are any amount of ways, but they won’t be required because, in fact, none of this happened.”

You can practically imagine the way that scene would look in a blockbuster movie, and it’s wonderful that Pratchett describes it crystal clear just to let us know that it is not, in fact, how it looked at all.

There’s a lot more to like about Wyrd Sisters, too, for all that it isn’t one of my favorite Discworld books.  It’s a far better introduction to the witches—specifically Granny Weatherwax—than Equal Rites is, even though Equal Rites is technically the first book in the Witches sub-series.  It introduces some characters we’ll see a lot more of later, like King Verence and the greater Ogg family, but also characters that will go on to become staples of the Discworld, like Nanny Ogg and Magrat.  We also have some lovely cameos from already established characters: notably Death and his interactions during the play at the castle, but there are some good Ankh-Morpork moments, like the Librarian’s appearance at a barfight.

And we get to see the good old Discworld humor really click—it’s all about that balance between absurdism and realism, or between established tropes and self-awareness.  One of my favorite examples of this comes right at the beginning of the book:

“As the cauldron bubbled an eldritch voice shrieked: ‘When shall we three meet again?’  There was a pause.  Finally another voice said, in far more ordinary tones: ‘Well, I can do next Tuesday.’”

Pratchett’s really got a sense for it by this point, and he can deliver zinger after unexpectedly delightful zinger.  Discworld books are always beautifully funny, of course, even though after a while you really get a feel for when a good joke is coming.  Some people might think that knowing the punchline is coming might make it less funny: it absolutely does not.  All it does is make the unexpected, sneaky moments—when the humor Pratchett has been secretly setting up for ages finally creeps up to smack you in the face—hit harder.  Maybe others disagree, but I can read Discworld novels again and again, and they always get me just as much as they did the first time through.  In my opinion, that’s real comedic talent.

Up next in the series we have Pyramids, our first unconnected one-off story, which is wonderfully weird even for a Discworld book!  Stay tuned!

* * * * * * * * * *

Side Notes:

Every time that oh-so popular Ankh-Morporkian dive bar, the Drum, pops up, it’s fun to note where it’s at these days: Mended Drum, Broken Drum, etc.  In Wyrd Sisters, Tomjon and Hwel go drinking in the Mended Drum.

There are several adaptations of Wyrd Sisters, including a 4-part BBC radio show, an animated film, and a stageplay.

As I go over my highlighted quotes and annotations from each book, putting these posts together, I learn more and more about myself.  What I like, what I find funny, what I care to notice.  For example, Vetinari shows up exactly ONCE in this book, and just in a footnote, and yet I still highlighted it and wrote a note next to it that contained mostly exclamation points.  There’s no real point to this; I just want everyone to know how much I love Vetinari.

Favorite Quotes:

“As the cauldron bubbled an eldritch voice shrieked: ‘When shall we three meet again?’ There was a pause.  Finally another voice said, in far more ordinary tones: ‘Well, I can do next Tuesday.’”

“Witches are not by nature gregarious, at least with other witches, and they certainly don’t have leaders.  Granny Weatherwax was the most highly-regarded of the leaders they didn’t have.”

“Now, just when a body would have been useful, it had let him down.  Or out.”

“‘No one would come up here this time of night.’ Magrat peered around timidly.  Here and there on the moor were huge standing stones, their origins lost in time, which were said to lead mobile and private lives of their own.  She shivered.  ‘What’s to be afraid of?’ she managed.  ‘Us,’ said Granny Weatherwax, smugly.”

“‘How many times have you thrown a magic ring into the deepest depths of the ocean and then, when you get home and have a nice bit of turbot for your tea, there it is?’ They considered this in silence. ‘Never,’ said Granny irritably. ‘And nor have you.’”

“His body was standing to attention.  Despite all his efforts his stomach stood at ease.”

“Back down on the plains, when you kicked people they kicked back.  Up here, when you kicked people they moved away and just waited patiently for your leg to fall off.”

“The Ogg grandchildren were encouraged to believe that monsters from the dawn of time dwelt in its depths, since Nanny believed that a bit of thrilling and pointless terror was an essential ingredient of the magic of childhood.”

“She gave the guards a nod as she went through.  It didn’t occur to either of them to stop her because witches, like beekeepers and big gorillas, went where they liked.  In any case, an elderly lady banging a bowl with a spoon was probably not the spearhead of an invasion force.”

“‘You’re wondering whether I really would cut your throat,’ panted Magrat.  ‘I don’t know either.  Think of the fun we could have together, finding out.’”

“Wizards assassinated each other in drafty corridors, witches just cut one another dead in the street.  And they were all as self-centered as a spinning top.  Even when they help other people, she thought, they’re secretly doing it for themselves.  Honestly, they’re just like big children.  Except for me, she thought smugly.”

“‘Man just went past with a cat on his head,’ one of them remarked, after a minute or two’s reflection.  ‘See who it was?’  ‘The Fool, I think.’  There was a thoughtful pause.  The second guard shifted his grip on his halberd.  ‘It’s a rotten job,’ he said.  ‘But I suppose someone’s got to do it.’”

“Granny’s implicit belief that everything should get out of her way extended to other witches, very tall trees and, on occasion, mountains.”

“Only in our dreams are we free.  The rest of the time we need wages.”

“Words were indeed insubstantial.  They were as soft as water, but they were also as powerful as water and now they were rushing over the audience, eroding the levees of veracity, and carrying away the past.”

“‘Witches just aren’t like that,’ said Magrat.  ‘We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it’s wicked of them to say we don’t.  We ought to fill their bones with hot lead.’”

“‘I shall haunt their corridors,’ he said, ‘and whisper under the doors on still nights.’ His voice grew fainter, almost lost in the ceaseless roar of the river.  ‘I shall make basket chairs creak most alarmingly, just you wait and see.’ Death grinned at him.  NOW YOU’RE TALKING.”

[atinyidea]

ATINYIDEA’S 700 FOLLOWERS SPECIAL

                                · · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

HELLO! Welcome to my 700 followers special!

Before I start I want to just take a little time to address the things that have been happening in the kpop community during the previous weeks/months. 

Please keep yourselves safe, if you need time away from social media then take it. You are allowed to be mad or sad, your feelings are valid. 

I wish nothing but peace for you during the upcoming months, full of kindness and time to heal. You are always welcome to come to talk to me if you feel like you need to just get things off your chest.

Please note that I will always write for members that are no longer with their groups (Hwall and Woojin specifically) even though they may no longer be in the group.

That being said, onto the special! (A total of 70 prompts)

Since it is, in fact, Halloween today I decided to add some spooky au idea’s and prompts too, in case anyone wants a Halloween blurb from me! 

Some prompts are from the following pages:

@bucky-plums-barnes’s 50 cliché tropes and prompts

@wordsnstuff‘s Dark Quotes & Prompts

@alloveroliver‘s Smut + Fluff Prompt List 

@fayesfairylights‘s smutty prompts

@creativepromptsforwriting‘s Halloween Throwbacks

As always, everything is under the cut!

A reminder of the groups I write for: 

Ateez, 

Fromis_9, 

NCT, 

Rocket Punch,

SF9,

Stray Kids,

The Boyz,

TXT,

WJSN!

Here is my ask box.

Normal Stuff: (30)

Friends with benefits and both people catching feelings.

We’re dating and I didn’t know you were a mobster/biker

I’m scared but won’t admit it so you take my hand 

Painting the house that ends in a paint fight and giggles

I need a date for this wedding

There are people chasing us and I pulled you into the alley with me and wow you’re close

Your shirt/jumper was in the laundry pile and I couldn’t help but steal it

Kissing in the rain and getting soaked before running inside laughing

“we’re in public, you know”

“This sofa costs fifteen thousand dollars, don't you dare ruin it” ‘guess ill just have to cum in you then’ 

“were just…friends.” ‘friends don't do this type of shit!’

“she may be all lollipops and candy bars, but I bet behind closed doors she’s handcuffs and gags.”

“Am I bothering you?”

“What’s the magic word?”

“Did you sleep well?”

“How did you find out?”

“You can keep it”

“I’m working on it”

“I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.”

“i fucking love you” 

“hang up, and tell me this when you’re sober”

“i really want to kiss you right now” “do it then”

“Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?” 

“i’ve been falling in love with you since the first day we met”

“Sorry… your hair was in your face… thought I should move it so I could see you better.”

“Your hair is so soft..” 

“What day is it?”

“Can I be honest with you?”

“It sucks, doesn’t it?”

“Have I told you this before?”

Spooky Stuff: (40)

Angel/ Demon Au’s

You caught me doing something dangerous and flipped out

Help me I’m being hit on at a bar please be my fake boyfriend for a second

I’m dying and I’m confessing my love for you

“We’re all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours.”

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” - Mary Oliver

“It’s scary what a smile can hide.”

“I’m not the kind of girl that mothers like. I’m not happy and bubbly. I’m dark and cloudy because I’m the kind of crazy person who feels bad for serial killers.”

“You can’t sell dreams to someone who has walked through nightmares.”

“We all have demons. I just choose to feed mine.”

“Go to hell” “I’ve been there. The Devil didn’t like me and spat me back out”

“Don’t play with the devil. he always cheats.”

“You say you want me, but your body seems to like it when I tease you,”

“So this doesn’t bother you?” “Honestly, the wings are kinda disconcerting.“

“What can I say? Opposites attract.” “That is really not a good excuse for sleeping with a bloody angel!”

“So, now you have a tattoo that wasn’t there yesterday?” “Yes.”

Hybrid Au’s

Hands brushing unexpectedly

Playing with their hair while their head’s in your lap.

“Try to stay quiet for me. Can you do that?”

“Blindfolds heighten your senses, maybe that’s why you’re whimpering louder than usual.”

“I want to kiss every inch of your body before I fuck you,”

“Bite me,” “Where?”

“mine” ‘say it again’ 

“Most of the time being a werewolf sucks. But in 2020 there will be a full moon on Halloween and I’m going to win all the costume contests!”

There was a cat sitting in my kitchen. I don’t know where it came from because none of my neighbours owns a cat. She just sat there on my kitchen table and stared into my eyes.

“Wait, what do you mean, you kinda like me?”

Witch Au’s

“They told me not to play with fire, and I should’ve listened because I got burned by your soul and you left me in the ashes.”

“I wish I could choose which memories to remember.”

“The way you smile like that always turns me on,”

“Can I at least shut the door before you decide to pounce on me the moment I come home,”

“Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together.”

Vampire Au’s

“He saw the darkness in her beauty. She saw the beauty in his darkness.”

“He looked at me as if I were the only star in her darkest night and he kissed me as if I were the air that filled her lungs.”

“The moon is my sun, the night is my day. Blood is my life, and you are my prey.”

“We worry about tomorrow like it’s promised.”

“I would rather walk in the dark with a friend, than alone in the light.” - Helen Keller

“Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first and is waiting for it.” - Terry Pratchett

“Call me ‘Sir’ when we’re alone like this,” 

“What do you want for breakfast?” “Why are you asking me that at 10 o’clock at night-OH.”

“The game is, either of us is only allowed to touch the other with their mouth.” 

“Okay.” “Okay?! I tell you I’m a vampire and you say ‘okay’?!” “As long as you don’t start sparkling when we hang out, I don’t see the problem.”

FOLLOW FOREVER:

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@babesmara / @bangchansurl / @bangtanateez / @basiccc-daysiccc / @bbgmimii / @bbymielpops / @bellerose99 / @bertholdt-hoovers-butt / @biebersxbooty / @biesrack / @bigcashhumanathlete / @binniebinnie-changbinnie / @binting23 / @blackbutlerfreak14 / @blatherskiteflop / @blessmeachoo / @bluecookies-and-ink / @bodaciousasian / @bonana112000 / @bluedelilah / @briefrebelpeachcalm / @bloglealinhyun / @blessings-wait-for-u / @byounggonsss / @bemypanties / @berrylip / @bbyrcses / @bapuppies / @bangtanxstacy / @bestateezperfect / @baoomy / @bluespeckledegg / @bonjavaneux / @bitterbitterbinnie / @bunnyeosang / @bubbletina / @btsevenafterlife / @breya10 / @bri-ne/ @beechuchu / @buffsquirrel / @bforbangchan / @backhugsforhyunjin / @bratzhwa / @blackswann-53098 / @backbunni / @bbgyeom / 

C:

@c3stia / @celestial-yunho / @changbinpng / @chickadeejisungie / @chocohoshi34 / @cloudyyskz / @cotton-chandy / @crudegiggles / @cryinginshiber / @curb-check / @cuteez / @cutieyeosanggie / @cuddlesbaek / @coocoocrazy / @crielll / @clearcollectivepaper / @coffeekpopandcookies / @cloudystorm / @chogiwamypace / @curledlife / @chloeskyee / @canvas-and-paints / @choicetiny / @clxirvyant / @coolbouquetinternetme / @chanfransisco / @creampuffkookie /  @coffeeaddictedhoe / @chewingtears / @cherrycolaurora / @craveforchoisan / @chocolateeggkidparty /  @crescentdaltaeil / @callmeaegi / 

D:

@d-sliceloveangelbean / @daeyoulovehwi / @date16live / @dearkanesya / @deathangel2015 / @denybgib321 / @desired-love- / @devilsurvivor17 / @dillys-things / @dlovesateez / @doeozmag / @dancinglikebutterflywingsx / @dasnaddy / @dreamsofnightshade / @dyoungx / @d10nysusmp3 / @darkatiny / @diavory / @dork-charm / @disneyditz19 / @dodoong / @doggsarefun / @dcml04 / @dettsm / @dearmkook / 

E:

@easytolovemp3 / @elementz-emrys / @elisamousse / @elysianraynne / @emdotdilly / @endlessbias / @embrxces / @esdblu / @elsseoul / 

F:

@faeoffaith / @fallenforhan / @fenderbenderr / @felixis-es / @flaming-humanoir / @frodobaggays / @fuckabassline / @futuristicranchbananadeputy / @fxsed / @flightblahblah / @funsize-lucifer-hongjoong / @feckinbecky / @filiapallaswtaekook / @frickfrackjimin / @fluffyyunho-main / @fighterixz / @franta-tastic / @fancy-smancy-weeaboo-trash-can / @fentywitch / @franchesca-x- / @featheriee / @foreignuwu / 

G:

@gem-young / @grungnr / @givememyhatbackjordan / @gotosleepstupidperson / @gucciwoojin / @generalbanditdeanflower / @guesglasses / @guardians-of-exo / @goldenxxxs / @ghostiemakingposties / @gigglysan / @golden-slumbering / @gorewhorez / @gruncieshaq / 

H:

@hazy-spirits / @heatlenked / @hellevatored / @helperofthenight / @honeytobees / @honeyjoongie / @hongbinshanzo / @huntersxhunted / @hushed-hearts / @htr018 / @httpseulgii / @hyunjinanticlub / @hwa-san / @hannahdinse8 / @hwaseongtrash / @hookedonkpop / @heoneyology / @hellokarii / @hongbinshanzo / @hobischerry / @hongjoong-enthusiast / @heejinsclub / @heychaaaaan / @hyunjinxss / @hoseom / @haveyoueverseenthemadness / @httpyoungbin / @hehetmonchi / @honestlynervoustimetravel / @hong-shua / @honeyedhj / @highkeykpopmulti / @hanbotaged / @helloamandaplease / @happyyoongii / @holyyoo / @haechan-t / @honeyjunz / @hobi-land / @hoe4ateez / 

I:

@i-need-your-love-befor-i-fall / @iconseventeen / @idntrllycare / @igotstay / @ilovetrivialove/ @ihtscuddlesbeetchx3 / @ilylee / @im-mei / @imusuallyobsessed / @immaculateseo / @iis4d / @infinitemilkshakee / @injunctzen / @if-i-believe-in-you / @intricxte-jaemin / @ioohoney / @isabel-b / @itslikevelvet / @itssehunbitch / @idc-and-idk / @iimapleheroii / @itsme-jessss / @isaahyung / @imnnctfact / @introverted-stay24 / @ihaveaboringlifefilledwithkpop / @itskpopular / @international-trashcan / @idiopidamentesexy / @isabelle-uwu / @imincrazeland / 

J:

@jaeemiee / @jcnghyvn / @jennjongin / @jeonshii / @jhiddlesbatch / @jooniesdimple-s / @just-a-kpopstan / @johnnyspanda / @jinjinmyworld / @jaehyunay / @jong1yun / @jonlydia / @jimeanies / @jongins-sidehoe / @jinghosapples / @jiminspussi / @jomojomo / @jwyworld / @jenlesbian / @jcnhui / @jngvvu / @jedi-cat-6 / @joongcie / @just-a-crazy-nerd / @jooheons-dimples-are-cute / @jaga117kennedyredfield / @jinie / 

K:

@kaoutarxx / @katieetie / @knicolewolf / @keepingupwithjacobkowalski / @keepingsecretss / @kennedyfk / @kholley86-blog / @kili-my-feels / @killingmc / @kkxnex / @kookiesbananauyu / @kpopdrabs / @kpopstanstings / @kpopxtra / @kqshiber / @kris-bou / @krithjay1234567-blog / @ktyhorn / @kyulcafe / @kylhoe / @k7nt5u97 / @kyokotfup / @kpoplalalove / @kiwibaekie / @koreanhoxey / @kingakame / @kayla-rain / @kpopper-queen-posts / @kkimyohan99 / @kswiss43 / @kpopweird / @kingmingyu2 / @katierosexoxo/ @koinoyokanjohnny / @kookiebambam97 / @kn-owl-edgeknight / @ktry / @kyunggiepyororo / 

L:

@larilarilep / @latteforschool-art / @lazlowrites / @leemarkmywords / @leoxqueen / @levoli2407 / @lifeofwordsbydani / @lifewithkpop / @limariojichuu / @littfallenrebel / @lizbether01 / @llscxlack / @lmaojeongin / @loggyj / @lohverx / @looney-joonie / @loudestgirl / @loveydowey / @lovisak98 / @lross603 / @lucky24op / @lullaby-in-the-dark / @lunaneedsleep / @luwoobae / @lingdidi / @lilhwahwa / @linlailluvia / @leoslut6969 / @lee-thought-so / @littleaprilcherryblossom / @leahlupin / @lostintheendlessvoidthatislife / @littleprincess-5 / @lordandsaviourjisooschrist / @live4bandmerch / @lil-kookie-06 / @l0nelyn1ghts-world / @luizyb0bbless / @lalamamala0 / @luvz-evy / @lydia-martintw / @latardisdellector / @lovingchoisan / @lnfernalbeauty / 

M:

@magicalgirlviolet / @maisie-sullivan / @mal-neon-kitty / @mellamosallie / @melso1229 / @melwooa / @micaelavvvvvvvvv / @middlegguk / @minni-i / @momoeirin / @monyoongles / @mooneylooney1 / @mrsblue1992 / @multitasking-multiple-fandoms / @maris41s / @miranda676 / @moonchildsg / @mailani-annie / @mostexoticwinebottle / @matshyoza / @mischievouskpop / @mirajunheeswife / @marsgotnojams / @mypirateking-hongjoong / @mintmingi / @multifandomhoee / @meralien52 / @monstaxsquad / @multixrad / @moodringprincess / @marshma11ow07 / @magdelenauchiha / @marvelsbts / @marshmellow-hwa / @mysaarahstuff / @multikzen / @mingisfixonexe / @moonmork / @minghaore / @madnpan / @mikayuu211200 / @mrsschoi / @mooneylooney1 / @meisueyshaoo / @mikupink888 / @markleecaneatmyass / @mithrilnen / @mysuitcasehairdoland / @mala-firebringer / @markie9me / @moonsandyogurts / @mazepotterpop / @michligo / @mamaredagirl / 

N:

@namjoon-ahhh / @nico-vastia / @nochucometrbl / @notthattennagewitch / @nattyct / @nsfwyoonji / @noisyfairydonkey / @never-ever-gonna / @needle-ss-to-say / @nicolaharlot / @nekdnblock / @nenie223 / @nxkskks / @namkookisreal / @neighcd / @notahumanperson / 

O:

@officially-jungshook / @ohmyseoul / @ohwooyoung / @omgkeylla / @omgphilip12 / @oncenanas / @ohwenjunhui / @ongnie / @oopssun / @ohwooyoung / @ohwellimherenow / @oncemy-jinyeon / 

P:

@pagangoddess1 / @parkmin99choi / @peachynamuu / @peaches-an-vegan-cream / @pockys-world / @pieeeapple / @primaryofyunhoismyteddy / @prettyseonghwa / @princesselementdark / @pt82897 / @princessmara-sfw / @pwark-jisung / @pitchblvckk / @perhapseonghwa / @pure-3vil / @pastozen127 / @pumpkinpcy / @princessminkiatinylov3 / @parade-star / @proudslytherin18 / @pyqapyqot / @peachesandmark /  @promise-san / @psyduckstudies / @paieony / @peach04love / @paulla325 / @prsghwpeachy / @patheticnerd360 / 

Q:

@qualitybonkfishsports / @quiet-seoks / @quitewindy /

R:

@radioactiveteddybear36 / @rasmusen14 / @reallyfancytrash / @realpamie / @reapermeohmy / @ren-jvn / @retrohyuk / @rialoca / @royaitease / @ryleeroseb4 / @re-biirthday / @redxfangirl / @rosecrystalteartrop / @redcoloredblack / @read-all-about-kpop / @resbap / @redrteokkboki / @rainygothflapghost / @rainbowglitteramythyst / 

S:

@saf1ya-j0nes / @sanshineeeee / @santanlatte / @sarahallenqueen11 / @sazleeanas / @sea-ship / @seeosix / @seesawsmin-flower / @seolrose / @seonghwalove / @shajiii / @shiberpng / @shikyus / @shining-universe / @silentiona / @suhway / @simplykpopfantastic / @sjksxicuyd / @skinnygirl-wanna-be / @skzsuniverse / @smol-joong / @snowkissangel / @snowyuki10 / @solanaris / @sopeloveee / @softfor-sweaterpaws / @softforchanyeol / @softforyunho / @soobinniesun / @soulofatiny / @stanmesstm / @stannex7 / @starlightatiny / @stayatiny325924 / @straypatchkids / @stu-ffel / @stuffulzzangxxx / @sunshinehanjisung / @sierrah-rose / @sansbada-da / @softjunh / @sleepyninibear / @swaegjhoe / @skz-voices / @sweetarto / @sleepingsag / @skzsoftieuwu / @sanlusts / @superluvr / @sswlvjstdnc / @skkarut / @sackofpotatoes64 / @stopthecats / @sunshine-sungie / @seonmintbby / @seungminjilix / @shoot-ingstars / @sailor-baek / @seojonneh / @socially-conbaffelated / @sassyateexbtspalace / @softkstan / @schone-lie / @siren-e / @sana-yaa / @seominsoo-main / @seokurity / @sticylee / @sillyprunebasketballpickle / @smolchild-lol / @softteez / @sanshinexe / @saniscute / @sansprincess / @sushimode / @sanssoftie / @star-daegyu / @superbponycowboyzonk / @seoultraveller / @stay-astray / @sana-yaa / @simevrsaljkocro / @smolbabu02 / @sugasheart / @sanniebabie / @soulhsok / @scftnct / @sandy-seashells / @sherrawed / @sunflowersungs / @syputnik / 

T:

@tae-bae03 / @taeclsz / @taehyungdearest / @taerowe / @thatfangirlnamedbeth / @the-atiny / @the-riddle-master / @theartofcherishing / @thegirlwholovesthem / @thekeyssstoyourheart / @thevalianthideoutcollector / @thirlwallsky / @thirstyforjungjaehyun / @tia18012002 / @tinyspaceblossom / @tkiahpoe / @treasuresatiny / @trotlover / @thantophcbic / @teandmilkk / @totallynotannie / @thegreenflamingojanette / @timaeustestified42069 / @trinity-belly93 / @tonyyystank / @thatfiloitaliankid / @tinyjisung / @tapikachu / @sir-tophamhat / @thegirlwiththedorkydad / @theshytsuki / @thediaboliclover / @triviaserendipity / @takimata2017 / @teleportingtraveller / @to-hurt-and-comfort / @tinypursedreambiscuit / @tito-the-mermaid / 

U:

@un-kpop-ular / @velvetsense / @untainted-memories / @venussbabyy / @verivery-cute / @uwujisungoppa / @universallybiscuiteclipsething / @ugz4dayz / @ulzzang-yerim / 

V:

@vinweiisbae / @voulavioli / @vutegukk / @vforvividimagination / @vrenons / @valex19 / @videogayminsung / @vienelis /

W:

@warmbodiesbrokenheart / @whatevermakesyousad / @wintermaedchenworld / @wonbuns/ @wonwowzers / @wooyonology / @wooyounger / @wildly-lost-lantern / @woojinloveschicken / @were-all-stardust-in-the-end / @winnie1603 / @withloveskz / @wafflejizz / @wonho-littlebaby / @wholelotta-kpop / @windy-tokyo-nights / 

X:

@xhanjisungiex / @xiao-xui / @xiaobapling / @xodori / @xuphori / @xsabsnor / @xx-beautyqueen-xx / @xxxcottencandyxxx / @xokpop-aestheticsxo / @xyourgirlangelx / @xiaogenkaigoku / 

Y:

@yanzwut / @yeosaangs / @yeosangelz / @yeosangkang / @yoonriise / @yoyoyogurtpot / @yukine-smx / @yunhobear / @yunhoonthestreet / @yunhoswife / @yunhosworld / @yuta-the-mountain-man / @yxngoxe / @yeosangishot / @yunhosqueen / @youseissi / @yeehaw-gang / @yeoddang / @yangfeinia / @yanderetbzkids / @yunhosfadedhair / @yeethee / @yeeskzhaw / @yeontaeie / @yourpinkyblossom / @yongguksduck / @yeosangscupid / 

Z:

@zhruwu / @zebraluv1990 / @zhenninq / 

SPECIAL THANKS:

TO the 12 of you who followed me after i hit 700 followers

TO my new friends @markleecaneatmyass and @seoultraveller, i hope we can be good friends for a long time!

TO everyone who has stayed with me during my lack of inspiration and sad moments.

REMINDER! You are loved and it’s okay to take a break!

[bat-besties]

Easy like Sunday morning

Royality as Sam Vimes and Sybil Ramkin-Vimes from Sir Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series. You don’t need to know about Discworld to understand the fic, though hopefully fans of both will enjoy it.

1.3K - fluff with an interruption

Edited by the lovely @mariniacipher

Tw: Knife, a small cut, death threat, blood mention 

Patton wasn’t used to a full night’s sleep.

Long night patrols with the feel of cobblestones hard against his feet through cardboard soles, punches and blades in the alleyways, lying on a thin mattress with the midnight desire for just one more glass of whisky to cut the lump at the back of his throat - nights had been full of as much harshness as the day.

He would never have complained, he loved his job! Protecting the people of Ankh Morpork was something which he had to do, despite the difficulty of serving a citizenry on a wide spectrum of moral opinions from ‘none’ to ‘murdering those I disagree with - morally’ to ‘The Night Watch are oppressive scum’ (slightly more of them fell there than Patton would like). Even if his watches had shifted to less punishing hours, his job was still a hard one.

With Roman, though, everything was soft.

Patton shifted with a small, content sound on Roman’s chest, cheek rubbing against the smooth silk of his husband’s obnoxiously red pajamas. He blinked up at his sleeping face, dark skin dappled with the lazy morning sun diffusing through the curtains. The three thin scars lining his cheek almost glowed in the nostalgia-golden light. His mouth was tipped open just a little and his eyelashes rested on his cheeks. Looking at him flooded Patton with delicate, terrified wonder once again. Roman Ramkin-Vimes was the most beautiful person he had ever met, inside and out, and Patton would do anything to protect him.

He carefully moved off of Roman, untangling their legs in a way that elicited only a mumble from his husband. The baby dragon Roman had been nursing chirped in its thick steel crate in the corner, sticking its eye onto the holes in the side of the box to watch its sleeping owner. Roman would have her on the bed if he could, Patton reflected fondly, but being burnt to death by the anxious hiccups of one of his charges was something even Roman was sensible enough to avoid, besotted as he was with them.

As his calloused feet hit the thick carpet Patton wriggled them luxuriously before padding to the bathroom. He had to head to work today, of course, as Captain he didn’t like to stay away even on his days off, but first… breakfast. Charred bacon sounded delicious and Roman might make fried eggs, as rubbery and congealed in fat as they should be to deserve a place in a true cooked breakfast. For a man accustomed to eating canapés in the highest circles of society Roman really knew how to cook like a hungover innkeeper, and since Patton reckoned that food which hadn’t been spat on was probably poisoned that suited him just fine. He opened the bathroom door with the beginning of a hummed tune on his lips, quiet enough not to wake Roman.

The knife at his throat was an unwelcome interruption to his routine.

“I doubt,” a voice whispered into his ear, “that I have to tell you to be quiet or why that is.”

The assailant pulled Patton into his chest, leaning around him to lock the door. Their cloak was dark against the white marble fittings, and stubble grazed at Patton’s neck.

Patton laughed quietly, tensing as he realised he wouldn’t be able to fight the person off from this position. “I’ll shave us both some time and tell ya that whatever you want, I ain’t got it.”

“You have a beautiful husband, Mister Vimes, and a lovely home. You’re going up in the world, aren’t you?”

“You know, kiddo,” Patton whispered, shifting to turn to the person and nicking his neck in the process, “‘Up’ makes it sound like there’s just one direction towards happiness, and-”

“Quiet,” they growled, digging their fingers into Patton’s firm arm.

“That’s not very nice,” Patton replied evenly.

The assailant gave up on a decent opening. “Tell me what you know about Deceit, or I’ll cut your throat and leave the blood all over the bathroom floor for your husband to find.”

Patton frowned, childish confusion pulled over his features like a mask. “But you locked the door?”

“I...I didn’t want to be disturbed.” “Kiddo, I really like the black clothing and the knife, you’re doing so good! I’m terrified, really, I am. But maybe, to make this even better, you should open the door so that my husband can find my corpse more easily!”

The assailant’s eyes widened a little. “I suppose…” They pulled their arm tight around Patton’s neck as they leaned forward to unlock the door. “I mean, you should tell me now so I don’t have to kill you, but if you don’t tell me you’ll be a warning to anyone else…”

As they turned the key, the door was kicked open with a bang.

Behind it stood Roman, resplendent as an illustration of a warrior prince, scarlet pajamas shining in the sunlight as he held his baby dragon aimed at the assailant’s face, tousled hair seemingly ruffled by a breeze with a penchant for the dramatically heroic.

“Unhand my husband!” he pronounced, a determined glimmer in his eye, “You fiend.”

The assailant startled back. He stood, facing Roman and the dragon for a moment, before he dropped Patton and shoved himself through the tiny bathroom window. In the moment it took for Patton to rip a handful of his cloak, he’d dropped to the alleyway below.

As Patton staggered a little, his husband caught him by the arms. He lowered Patton to sit on the side of the bathtub. “Are you alright, my love?” He turned to pull a cloth out of the cabinet to dab at his husband’s neck.

“Oh, I’m fine, Ro!” Patton laughed shakily. “How- how did you know I was in trouble?” “You weren’t humming,” Roman replied simply, dropping a kiss on the dragon’s head as he carried it back to her crate. “You always hum in the mornings when you’re happy, and you were happy this morning.” He turned a dazzling grin onto Patton. “How could you not be, waking up next to me?”

The bedroom was still in the morning light as though their sleepy intimacy from earlier had been preserved in amber. Patton smiled back, and in a moment his legs carried him towards Roman so he could press their smiles together in a flutter of a kiss. He wrapped his arms around Roman and they kissed again, more deeply.

Patton leaned his forehead on Roman’s with a small frown and quietly said, “You could have been hurt.”

Roman cupped his face as he replied, eyes soft with love and hardened by protectiveness all at once. “Patton, darling, I’ll always protect you.”

“I know,” Patton said, tracing a finger over Roman’s heart, armoured by nothing but pajamas and fragile skin. “I know that, Ro. I still wish you didn’t-” He paused and sighed. Roman knew that this would be dangerous. Years ago, when Patton had gently told him to leave, he had refused. A bruise corrupting his delicate face and still shaking from revenge for someone Patton couldn’t even remember arresting, Roman had held his gaze the exact same way and told him that he was not afraid. When Patton promised to never let him be hurt again, Roman returned the vow in the same breath. Patton put his hand flat on Roman’s chest and met his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Roman replied softly, enveloping Patton in a hug. For a moment they stood quietly, Roman rocking side-to-side on his feet as they hugged until he heard Patton giggle. “Fidget.”

Roman laughed. “I’m full of energy for the day ahead!” He let go and proffered his hand with a flourish. “To breakfast! I swear I’ll get the timings right this time.”

Patton laughed as he took his hand. “I’ll egg you on, but if you ba-can’t do it, I don’t mind!”

The two headed downstairs, easy and domestic as outside the assailant ran through the rooftops to report the news.

Patton Vimes was a hard man to kill. But it was Roman who would make the day someone succeeded one they would regret for the rest of their lives.

[isitgintimeyet]

The Ties That Bind

AO3

Previous

Thank you for reading so far and all your likes, comments and reboots. It is much appreciated.

thanks to @mo-nighean-rouge for the beta and encouragement

Chapter 20: A Definite Proof

Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean. - Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

“Dinna forget ye have the dentist today.” Jamie’s secretary stood in the doorway to his office.

Jamie looked up, bemused, from the Excel spreadsheet he was working on.

“Yer calendar, ye’ve blocked out the time this morning fer the dentist.”

“Aye, right, thanks fer the reminder. Best be thinkin’ about heading, then. And I’m no’ sure what time I’ll be back.”

Jamie saved the spreadsheet and powered down the computer. He had marked the appointment as dentist in his calendar to prevent any office gossip, which would probably come soon enough, especially if he took paternity leave. He wasn’t even sure if he was entitled to that. Yet another thing he would have to find out about.

The traffic as Jamie drove to the maternity hospital was diabolical as usual. Buses, taxis, roadworks, pedestrians and delivery vans all seemed determined to make him late for the appointment. He was concerned about seeing Geneva for the first time since she’d given him the news anyway, but if he was late, who knew how she might react. He wasn’t a coward, but the combination of Geneva and pregnancy hormones filled his very being with dread.

Frustrated as a refuse truck ground to a halt right in front of his car, Jamie wished he had listened to Claire this morning. She had warned him about the traffic around the hospital, but he hadn’t really been paying much attention to what she had to say. In all honesty, he had, at the time, been more focussed on the little vest top she was wearing. It was his favourite, the black one with extra large arm holes so that when she turned or stretched out her arms, Jamie got tantalising glimpses of creamy white side boob. And matched with the little black panties that revealed her luscious round arse every time she reached into a kitchen cupboard or bent over the dishwasher, the ability for coherent thought had totally abandoned him this morning. It had taken all his strength to tear himself away from her and head to work. But at least he was planning on meeting her for lunch before heading back to the office.

The traffic problems hadn’t ended once he entered the hospital site. It had taken two circuits of the car parks before he found a space, and then he had scrambled around in his pockets and the car for change for the meter. Next time, Jamie vowed, he would be better prepared.

He finally arrived, hot and bothered, in the Maternity ultrasound department with ten minutes to spare. Geneva was already there, looking immaculate as usual.

She stood up as Jamie approached. Her glossy curtain of black hair swung on her shoulders, not a hint of pregnancy spoiled the lines of her tight pencil skirt, her high heeled black patent shoes gave no concession to pregnancy comfort. Geneva turned her cheek for Jamie to kiss, which he obediently did.

“You’re very nearly late, Jamie.” Geneva complained.

“Och, we have plenty of time. These appointments always run late.”

They sat down in the waiting room. Jamie looked around. Plenty of men were waiting with their partners. None of them, he noticed, looked as awkward and uncomfortable as he felt. Was it clear to everyone, how reluctant he was about all this?

“How’ve ye been then?” He started the conversation.

“Fine, thanks. No problems at all.”

“Nae sickness, then? I remember when our Jenny was expecting Wee Jamie, she couldna keep anything down but toast and chicken broth…”

“You’ve told Brian and Jenny then? About us… the baby. How did they take it?”

“Aye, well, I canna say they werena shocked about it, but they’re supportive. And Claire too.” Jamie thought it wise to include Claire’s name in this discussion, especially after Geneva’s use of ‘us’ in her last question. He wanted it perfectly clear that in this Venn diagram of relationships, there would be no interlocking circles for him and Geneva.

Geneva gave a small sound of derision. “Hmm, Jenny being supportive. Right? I know she doesn’t like me, even though…”

“Geneva Dunsany. Room 2.” The message crackled in the still room.

Geneva stood up. “This’d better be quick. I’m not sure how much longer my bladder can hold out.”

Once inside room 2, they were greeted by a friendly sonographer who settled Geneva on the adjustable bed and pulled up a seat for Jamie.

“Hello there. My name’s Alison. I’m jes’ going to put some gel on yer tummy and then we can look fer yer little one. There’s no pain, jes’ may have tae prod a wee bit tae get tae the right position. From the measurements, we can gi’ ye a better due date. Are ye excited? So, let’s find your baby shall we, Geneva, dearie?” The sonographer asked in a friendly manner.

Geneva, not appreciating the over familiarity, just nodded and turned to the monitor. Jamie, as it seemed to be expected of him, fixed a smile on his face and nodded animatedly.

At the sonographer’s request, Geneva shimmied the skirt down past her hips and lifted her top, exposing her toned and tanned stomach. She rearranged the tissues that Alison had tucked into her clothing, only leaning back once she was satisfied that her clothes were totally protected. Geneva drew in a breath as the cold gel was applied to her abdomen.

Alison pressed the transducer against Geneva’s stomach and slid it around the skin, prodding with her other hand to encourage movement to a suitable position.

“Oh, er, wee one’s no’ cooperating… wait, aye, there it is.”

She stilled her hand. “Can ye see? The head and the limbs? And the flickering, there, that’s the heartbeat.”

Jamie’s smile was no longer faked. Despite all the turmoil of the last few weeks, he suddenly experienced a feeling of protectiveness towards that little heartbeat and even, yes, excitement. Instinctively, he took hold of Geneva’s hand. Geneva turned to him, her eyes bright with hope, but Jamie’s gaze was fixed on the image on the screen.

Alison coughed and the mood was broken. Jamie gently disentangled his hand from Geneva’s.

“Right, weel, I can let ye have a couple of copies of this, for a small donation. I have tae take a few more measurements and then we can have a better idea of yer due date.”

“What sex is the baby? Can you tell?” Geneva asked.

“Do ye really want tae know? Can it no’ be a surprise?” Jamie asked.

Alison looked from one to the other. “We canna tell from this scan. Yer one at twenty weeks will be able tae, but ye better discuss it first. Canna have one knowing and no’ the other, how would that work?” She laughed. “Right, from these images, it’s giving yer due date as 27 February. But gi’ or take two weeks… babies tend tae come when they’re ready, due date or no’.”

******

Jamie and Geneva stood awkwardly in the corridor outside the antenatal clinic.

“What are your plans now? Maybe we…” Geneva began.

“I said I’d meet Claire. Show her the picture.” He patted his pocket. “But I do think we need tae meet up regularly, every couple of weeks or so for a coffee, or some other more suitable beverage.”

“That’s fine. Yes. Actually, I’m meeting Isobel now. Going to do a bit of shopping. Although I can’t really do anything with the nursery yet. Still no harm in getting ideas. There’s a Sleigh Royale cot bed and dresser in textured washed oak I want to take a look at. And there was an interesting article in ‘Ideal Homes’, actually… so I’m thinking underwater mural on one wall, or maybe forest scene… but nothing Disney, urgh! Gosh, I’m desperate for the loo now. This full bladder thing is going to be the death of me. Goodbye, text me to arrange meeting.”

Jamie, hoping that his eyes hadn’t glazed over too much during Geneva’s monologue, hurriedly said goodbye and left as Geneva rushed to the Ladies.

**************

The hospital building that housed the coffee shop was located between the maternity hospital and orthopaedics, so it was a convenient place for Claire and Jamie to meet. Claire arrived first and, unsure of how long it would take Jamie to arrive, ordered one coffee.

She sat down at a table near the door and waited. For some reason, she felt very nervous about seeing Jamie after this ultrasound. This was the first real proof that Geneva was telling the truth and that he would be a father. It wasn’t, she told herself, that she doubted Jamie or his love for her, but with Frank, she had become used to not being one of his priorities, being pushed further and further down the list. His academic research, his career aspirations, his attractive female ‘private tuition’ students, his personal family tree research, his family, all were before Claire.

As Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, she had found herself disappearing from view, to be moulded into whatever convenient shape Frank wanted, willing to be placed in the little part of his life he allowed her to inhabit.

With the loss of her beloved uncle, her dependency on Frank grew. The need to be loved was so great she had allowed that to happen, allowed Frank to treat her so. Ignoring the concerned interventions from her friends, Geillis in particular, she clung to that relationship. Until Frank had made the decision, for both of them, that they would move to Oxford, for the sake of his career (and possibly a new crop of malleable students), ignoring her promising career at the hospital. Only then did she wake up and see the relationship as it really was. It wasn't a partnership, or a democracy. And so she had finally made the break and refused to leave Glasgow. Frank had been stunned at her refusal, convinced she would go running back to him rather than be on her own. Looking back, Claire found it amazing that she, such a strong woman at work, had become so passive with Frank.

Claire knew Jamie was not like Frank, and would never treat her in that way. And although she knew logically that she was not in competition with Geneva, a little extra reminder to Jamie would never hurt. That was why she wore his favourite vest top with little panties at breakfast this morning and judging by the reaction on his face, and elsewhere, it had been a very good idea.

She saw Jamie enter the coffee shop and waved. He made his way over to her table, bent down and kissed her warmly on the lips.

“Sassenach, let me show…”

A tap on his shoulder made Jamie spin round. “Isobel, hello…”

He gave Geneva’s sister a hug.

“Isobel, this is Claire, my girlfriend.”

A momentary look of confusion passed across Isobel’s face. “But, I thought, oh…” She quickly composed herself. “Hello, Claire, pleased to meet you.”

“Geneva said she was meeting ye tae go shopping. Christ, are ye meeting her here?  Claire, we should go, I ken ye need tae meet Geneva, but here’s no’ ideal. Sorry Isobel, will catch up wi’ ye another time.”

Claire stood up and gathered her bag. Jamie took her hand and squeezed it tightly.

“Too late,” he murmured out of the corner of his mouth.

Claire looked over to the door to see a woman walking towards them. To Claire, her whole being projected elegance and sophistication, from her sleek, black bob to her high heeled shoes. Unconsciously, Claire tried to smooth her curls, glancing at the flat, pink birkenstocks she chose to wear today. She felt Jamie tense.

“Jamie… Isobel… there you are. Hello.” Geneva turned to Claire and smiled. “I’m Geneva. You must be Claire. Lovely to meet you. Jamie and I, well, we have had such a good morning. It was amazing, wasn’t it? Hearing the heartbeat of our baby. Well, I'm sure he will tell you all about it. What a special moment for us.”

“Hi, nice to meet you too, Geneva.”

Isobel spoke to Geneva. “Gen, I’ve had a quick look here, there’s only toasties and sandwiches. I fancy something a bit more substantial. Let’s head out to John Lewis for lunch, then we can look at that nursery furniture you were talking about. Bye Jamie, bye Claire.”

With a flurry of ‘goodbye’, ‘see you soon’ and ‘take care’, Isobel and Geneva left the coffee shop.

“So, that was Geneva.”

“Aye, that was her.”

“Her sister seems very nice.”

“Oh, Isobel, she’s great, jes’ lovely. They’re like chalk and cheese. Ye wouldna ken they’re sisters.”

“Geneva's very glamorous, isn’t she?”

Jamie sighed. “I willna be able tae win, will I, Sassenach?  If I say she’s no’ glamorous, ye will accuse me of lying. But if I say she is glamorous, then ye can accuse me of wantin’ her. So, I will say this. When ye go tae a bookshop, ye see a book ye like the look of, so ye pull it off the shelf, open it and start tae read. There are some books ye put down straight away if ye don’t like the story and some ye try tae get on with, but canna, so ye put them down too, no matter what the cover looks like. Then there are some ye read and read and never want the story tae end. Guess which one Geneva is and which one ye are?”

“Are you comparing me to a book, James Fraser?” Claire teased.

“Aye, a book wi’ a beautiful cover and a great story, full of love and sex and laughter and fun and…” he moved closer and whispered in her ear. “...little panties clinging tae yer round arse.”

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Ep 23 S3: Always Put Guns on Your Satellites

Ah, I’m finally back at my home computer after a little hiatus there. In case you are curious, I went to San Fransisco and then spent about 2 weeks trying to find a single parking spot. But, I’m back in my normal place now, where trash trucks aren’t driving around, breaking the speed barrier at 3 AM and where I don’t have to parallel park at a 45 degree incline. I got my fill of good food, chilling out, getting completely rained out by a freak storm in May, and walking about a mile vertically to go three feet horizontally, it’s time to sit back, relax, and talk about an anime that came out 20 years ago.

Y’all...what were even doing 2 weeks ago? It really does feel like three years.

If memory serves, we are currently in the midst of not one, but 3 Apocalypses. Lets just place em down in case you forgot

1.) The Millennium Item Apocalypse, where if one person gets all 7 (or was it 10?) of the items, the world freakin ends. This is briefly on hold because Bakura, our Millennium item enthusiast, hella died about 24 episodes ago and none of these people have brought it up or tried to contact any sort of governing authority even though Yugi and Tea both witnessed the murder about 7 hours ago (which, for Marik’s credit, did take place over international waters, touche). So, for now, Bakura’s spirit is kinda holed up in Pharaoh’s puzzle necklace so he’s just...chillaxing.

2.) The God Card Apocalypse, where if one person gets all 3 God Cards, the world freakin ends. Briefly on hold because everyone got stuck in a VR universe, and Marik felt like staying on the blimp instead because I dunno maybe he wanted to take a nap or something.

3.) The Matrix, where Seto’s Dad is going to launch a bunch of machines to trap the entire human race in this VR zone against their will and become a slave to the machine overlords. Somehow this is a thing that has been happening in the background this entire series but has only been revealed like...last episode.

Bro is reminding me that I forgot to mention that all these duel monsters are becoming slowly more and more real but like...eh.

There’s three concurrent Apocalypses right now. Don’t forget. There’s three of them.

Anyway, Seto Kaiba has decided it’s about time he deal with his Daddy issues/prevent the Matrix.

While Kaiba has decided to confront his Father, the rest of the people on this show have no freakin idea what to even do so they’re just arguing with eachother in Domino square and getting no where.

Also, I nearly forgot, Joey can’t even beat up Noah currently because Noah switched places with Mokuba, because this isn’t Yugioh unless we start switching brains like it’s as easy as turning your T-shirt inside out.

Of course, in this case, Mokuba didn’t exactly *switch* places with Noah--Moki’s brain is just...floating around this world somewhere. I don’t know if he got stuck in a Monkey or if he’s just...dead...but it just makes absolutely no sense to me how your soul can get sucked into a VR game and now lives tron-style in VR while someone else steers your body which isn’t any more connected to the machine itself, so I’ll just assume he’s dead. It’s just easier to say Moki died, it’s happened so many times to this kid at this point.

Basically, Mokuba is here, but in not-spirit. In every way but spirit.

And about those brain pods--does Yugi’s pod take up 2x the RAM because he’s got two people in that bean or has Noah seriously not noticed this like at all? because there's two dudes in one pod and Noah has just acted like that’s a completely normal thing that can happen.

(read more under the cut)

Anyway, the A team has sort of all turned into the B team because only Kaiba’s can really have any active involvement at this part of the arc, so Yugi decides to take a break and enter brain fort. Which, I assume he does just whenever he’s bored. It’s just kind of weird when he decides to do this, without warning, in front of a large group of other people.

Anyway, it’s Yugi, so he somehow turns what is so clearly Kaiba’s problem into this selfish need to carry the torch by himself for no reason.

Like, Yugi is the main character--I get that--he’s gotta be some sort of moral standard because this is a protagonist in a kid’s show, but it is such a stretch for him to still think that there’s any good left in Noah after all the events of this arc. It just comes off that every time Yugi tries to see good in Bakura, or Marik, or the Kaiba family even, he’s maybe doing it out of guilt.

Like Yugi isn’t naive at this point - he set a guy on fire once with Russian Whiskey in a freakin burger diner, and even if you don’t consider Season Zero canon, he also set PaniK on fire and left him to die in the woods (and that nut ABSOLUTELY died), so it just doesn’t make sense to me that he’d helplessly fall victim to a thousand evil assholes who pretended to be his friend. Instead, it’s sort of like Yugi’s trying to overcompensate for the amoral weirdo residing in about 98% of his brain right now.

Overall, TL;DR, Yugi is kind of a weird guy.

Love him, but he’s sort of a walking disaster with some very selfish motivations and I forget. Not about the walking disaster part of course, that part is like clearly very obvious, especially when we find out his grand masterplan.

Also, this happened,

Again, I would be absolutely fine if Tristan just remained like this, talking like the librarian out of Terry Pratchett, taking Serenity to prom just like this.

Anyway, these guys had absolutely nothing to do, so the show invented something on the fly.

If you could copy-paste any card, why not just copy-paste 24 Exodias? Like I get they don’t have God cards here but they have all the other ones, right?

Like I don’t understand the danger here, you can just keep playing cards infinitely because there’s no rules when you’re outside the game. Just keep slapping stuff on your duel disk like it’s that fanmade Yugioh game that they made for real life VR headsets. Youknow the one that was so bad that it became like a viral video, where everyone is a really low poly Yugioh character but they only have like 4 character models, and for some reason one of the four is Yugi but as a girl in a miniskirt? And they’re on the blimp for some reason, and none of them can stand up straight so they kind of duck walk everywhere? That one? The one with Joey saying “It does what it do!”

Like I feel like if even I saw that video show up on my twitter, everyone else has seen that video of just this really bad VR game and I don’t remember what it was called but feel free to google it, it’s a fun 10 minute ride.

Anyway, the mayhem of that viral video is kind of what this entire VR arc is turning into. More and more as we break reality and completely ignore the rules, to the point where now we’re just slapping whatever cards on our duel disk--cards we shouldn’t even freakin have because we identified at the beginning of this season that no one has a deck here.

But anyway, back to the only person who got out of the VR zone, lets see what Noah’s up to. Ah, the real world, where all we ever had to worry about was magic.

This password was so obtuse even Noah, who is literally a computer, forgot it. Wow.

So now that Noah has escaped the computer, he decides to walk down the hall to log onto yet another computer so he could use his hands instead of...however he was using computers in the digital zone.

He could have done this from within the Orb, right? Like this part didn’t really require him stealing Mokuba’s body? We know he’s already connected to Kaiba’s network so he could become ascended and open the Door of Truth, so I’m assuming it would also have the ability to just log onto this computer in his own ship?

Noah does seem to be just winging it through this entire arc, but he could have done this sequence, and THEN stolen Moki, and THEN hightailed it out of there. It would have saved him some problems later. But wtv, lets hack a satellite, that good ol Kaiba pastime.

Also, fun fact, Kaiba went through all that work to get rid of all the weapons and then forgot about his space stash?

Like was there just SO MANY weapons that he overlooked it, or is he just keeping this here, just to have? Just in case, youknow? Like why does Seto Kaiba have access to The Bomb? Why would we leave a horrible nuclear missile in the hands of a teenager who freaks every time he plays cards? This child who is so unstable, that he knows he was married to a paper card in a previous life but doesn’t feel like talking about it? That crazy kid?

Like usually we have a set of two keys for this type of thing and two different people turn the key at the same time, we don’t just leave them in the Seto Kaiba headquarters with the kid who turned all cards into guns. Are all of Seto’s handlers actually just spies from other countries trying to keep Seto from nuking the planet? Is that the real answer to who the hell Roland is? Is he just a nice spy that makes sure Seto plays enough cards to forget that he could blow up the world if he sneezed too much and pressed the wrong key loading up Duel Disk Myspace?

The implications.

Meanwhile, Kaiba is the only one on this show smart enough to just walk into Gozaburo’s office, where I assume this guy has just been hanging out the entire arc.

Yep, that’s right, they’re going to do a card duel with a chess champion because this show has to shoehorn in those cards. Just one more card fight. Just cuz. Just one more completely pointless card fight between these two people, to show...that Seto can beat his Dad? Seto’s beaten his Dad like every opportunity he’s had to beat his Dad I don’t...exactly know why this was necessary. Would’ve been a much bigger emotional beat for Seto to have just walked away, but that would have also been a much different Seto than the Seto we have.

So basically, if Seto loses, Gozaburo threatens to erase Seto’s mind entirely, which we’ve already pointed out has been so wiped at this point that it would be all of 700 KB and it would just be a single corrupted pixel picture of a dragon.

Anyways, Marik finally conquers his greatest enemy.

Oh. OK. This is a thing he can do now. Welcome back to the show, Marik.

Anyway, Marik has decided it’s high time for him to just go flippen spaz and start breaking stuff. For no reason. I don’t think he fully comprehends that he’s underwater and should not blow up the boat.

Or maybe he FULLY comprehends that? Either answer for him would feel correct.

Also, while I don’t cover cards here, Kaiba’s Dad has decided that the only way to beat his son was to pretend he’s Yugi Muto and reenact the pilot.

It was weird. It was sort of like watching someone audition for a role they don’t have.

Lets go back to Noah.

I knew this arc was going kinda long but how did they end up in freakin Guam???

Marik, who has no concept of technology because he grew up in a tomb and is currently possessed by an ancient force of evil, is still able to recognize a good countdown clock when he sees one. Before he bashes it to pieces because of course he can.

Marik almost saved everyone else’s ass, but unfortunately doesn’t understand that the monitor is not actually attached to the workings of the computer. Much like my Mother.

Bro brings up that this a very Metal Gear thing to only use helicopters to travel over the ocean and hot damn we got yet another Metal Gear reference in just before this arc closes. These weird war crime children.

Ps I like that they drew in the shadow of the bangs across Moki’s eyes as if that would somehow make Moki look sinister. lol.

But, much like the Grinch, Noah’s heart grew...well, it grew.

I wouldn’t go as far to say it grew even a full size, but youknow it...kinda made a weird little fart and bloated a little bit.

So like with Tristan turning into a monkey, it does seem a lot like Noah is just turning into Mokuba and that’s why he’s decided to save everyone. Least in my mind that’s what it looks like. Maybe if he really did take Yugi’s body, Noah would have lasted maybe 5 seconds before being doubled over with endless anxiety and guilt. Would’ve solved a lot of their problems.

I’ve been watching a cat while commuting 4 hours a day and this is actual footage of what my charger cable looked like after the cat went Marik on me and decided the cable deserved to die at 3AM after the freakin SF garbage truck went supersonic and woke up the entire neighborhood.

(the cat is fine, btw, we went and hid all the other cords, dumbass cat)

So what does Noah do? He decides...it’s time I fessed up. And he does it in the worst way, during a time when literally everyone else in the VR world is fighting multiple card enemies/their Dad.

Way to be, Noah, way to be. On the other side of town, Yugi was visibly sweating and had this facial of expression of like “Wow, maybe Noah is just a freakin psycopath?” Which, I dunno, kind of seems like the sort of thing we figured out 23 episodes ago, right at the same moment we met Noah.

Anyway, that’s all for this episode. Really seems like the only person who actually DID anything was Noah who just...decided to throw a bunch of missiles directly at himself because he can’t think things through. I guess Marik did some stuff too, but honestly, I have no idea if Marik thoroughly understood that he just guaranteed that he was absolutely going to be destroyed by rockets. That Loki.

Hey if Noah DOES manage to destroy everyone on this boat, he prevents 3 whole apocalypses and that would default him to hero status. He’ll kill off like 3 major villains and maybe even Shadi. And who doesn’t want Shadi to die (who I assume is already dead but wtv) I mean that’s not going to happen, but like...way to try and save the world Noah, you’re doing your best life.

Anyway, if you just got here, here’s a link to read these recaps from the very beginning, fair warning, there’s 2.5 seasons.

[son-of-alderaan]

SPOILER WARNING: reveals information about some of the script's themes and about a character's transformation that happens gradually throughout the film. Information is given about early plot elements, but no plot details are given about the end of the film.

Tony Grisoni has collaborated on a number of projects with Terry Gilliam. The pair wrote the script for Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (1998), and then The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. Grisoni and Gilliam performed a rewrite of Ehren Kruger’s script for The Brothers Grimm (2005) and wrote the script for Tideland (also 2005), based on Mitch Cullin’s novel. The pair also worked on scripts for Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s novel Good Omens and a project called The Minotaur, although neither of these scripts went into production.

Grisoni’s other feature films as screenwriter include Queen of Hearts (1989) directed by Jon Amiel, In This World(2002) directed by Michael Winterbottom, and Brothers of the Head (2005). In This World won the Golden Bear at the Berlin Film Festival. He also collaborated with Samantha Morton, writing the script for her directorial debut The Unloved (2009).

The writer has also had considerable success in television, with credits including the outstanding Red Riding trilogy (2009) featuring Andrew Garfield, and the acclaimed Southcliffe (2013). His script for The City & The City, based on the novel by China Mieville, screened on BBC2 in 2018.

Grisoni was executive producer and wrote two episodes of The Young Pope (2016 - ), and penned Crazy Diamond (2017), the Steve Buscemi episode of Channel 4’s anthology series Philip K. Dick’s Electric Dreams.

The writer spoke with Philip Stubbs about his work with Terry Gilliam on The Man Who Killed Don Quixote in July 2017, just after principal photography had completed.

Philip Stubbs: Once Fear & Loathing had completed photography, there was a frantic postproduction. During the publicity for the picture in 1998, I remember that Terry said he’d been too tired to start anything else. I think it was towards the end of 1998 that he kicked off the Quixote project with you. Tony Grisoni: People remember Fear and Loathing very fondly, but what they forget is that, when it premiered at Cannes in 1998, it was a total disaster. I think that almost every trade publication trashed us. As a result, that had a huge effect on the distribution of the film. It was seen as being a failure. After going through the blood, sweat and tears that you shed to make the film, you can imagine how tough that must have been for Terry to have faced – guess what, this film is no good. Yet, over the years, students and schoolkids have made it a huge success, because it became the Friday night video.

It was a big seller in Walmart! Yes, huge. It became a very big home video seller, and then the movie became known as a great success. But at the time of its theatrical release, that was not how it was seen. The great and the good in the critical world saw it as trash. It was hard thing to take at the time.

So around 1998 he started talking about Quixote. He had a script from years before that he’d written with Charles McKeown. So we were having these conversations. Terry said, “I want to do something about this advertising executive. He’s really arrogant - he thinks he knows everything. He gets dragged into Quixote’s world. He goes back in time and he becomes Quixote’s sidekick.��� Terry was talking about this, and I said, “But it’s not written down.” Terry then said, “It’s all in my head.” It sounded like a weird fusion of Don Quixote and A Connecticut Yankee at King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain.

In fact Terry had spent six months working on Mark Twain’s novel just after The Fisher King I didn’t know that! So that’s where Terry stole it… now we know! In fact, this particular advertising executive, Toby, did bang his head, go back in time and meet Quixote. In the first drafts that we did together, it was split between the contemporary world - this advertising man making commercials, having betrayed any creative truth that he had, selling out to make commercials to flog cat food or whatever... He gets a bang on the head, and goes back to meet the real Don Quixote and then learns to become a servant to this crazed man. That was very much the early drafts. That balance and how you went into the Quixote world changed a lot, there was a moment I remember where he slipped into the contemporary world for a bit before being plunged back into the past. It very much played with that play between past and present.

In the middle of a previous script, he woke up in a hospital before going back to the world of Quixote. Yes, in one draft he woke up in a hospital. There were many different drafts, versions of this.

Casting your mind back to 1998, early 1999, when you put that script together, what can you remember about the roles you played? I’ve never worked with Terry where anything was distinct at all. Part of the joy is that it is play. What you have to do is to jump in and play. And it is hard play - you do it for a long time. I remember we’d act out scenes in a very natural way. We didn’t stand on a stage performing, but we’d just go through scenes and play different roles. Then we’d swap the roles we played.

By doing this, we understood the sense of the scene, the timing and how the jokes work. We would do that kind of thing, and I would go away with the material. I’d write and then send to him and then we’d meet up again and go over the script - that’s what we do.

Meanwhile Terry would say, “I had a go. I had a look at that scene and I’ve got a new version here,” and Terry would often say things like, “I managed to destroy the work that you did!” Joking aside, sometimes he has! But I say: well you’d better send it to me then. Toss the ball back. Then I have a look at it, and of course he hasn’t destroyed it totally, the destruction always brings a new idea or a new twist or an interesting take on something, or a new element. Then I incorporate that. We talk, we read the script, we have new ideas. I make sure I’ve got many notes, so I could go away and piece it together and do the writing and then come back and do some more. So it’s a very fluid process.

When it comes to putting a script together, the skills you bring in and complement each other, is there something that Terry specifically needs you for? I know that everyone likes the image of Terry being a crazed, out-of-control madman. But he’s not - he’s actually very disciplined. You can’t make a film unless you are disciplined. His take on a script is very, very good. He’s got a very good eye for a script. He understands structure of a script.

I’m in love with structure because I think structure is everything when it comes to a screenplay. It’s all about juxtaposition, it’s all about the transition from one scene to the next scene, and the meaning is in the middle, in that juxtaposition.

The film will be shot to shot to shot. The joy is the same in the script, going from one sequence to another. So to be really blunt about it, if you’ve got a really sad scene, you really want to come in with a very funny scene. The closer you put beauty and horror together, the better the horror works and the better the beauty works. The closer you put funny next to sad, the better the funny works and the better the sad works.

The other thing is that I used to be scared of writing dialogue. These days I really enjoy it. The biggest demon in dialogue is exposition of course. One of the biggest problems is the number of notes I get saying “Can we make it clearer?” In other words: can we tell everyone what’s happening? That implies that the executive understands, but he or she is worried the mass audience won’t.

The best dialogue you write is never about the plot. The best dialogue you write is about something else. The opposite of what’s happening. I enjoy writing that stuff very much.

Terry is a very visual filmmaker. Of course he is. But he’s also a chatterbox. He does a very funny thing with some dialogue: sometimes he’ll start talking non-stop. It’s very funny, very stream of consciousness, and it is great is to integrate stuff like that. I see the script as being my responsibility, that’s what I do. I’m the screenwriter. I want to pull everything back to me, write it and set it down.

This method makes him free to come up with ideas, to write something which is freed of the rigours of the framework of the screenplay, which we can then go over and explore. I can then try and integrate it all so that it works.

That addresses my next question: why does Terry need a collaborator on the screenplay? Because it leaves him freer to invent, when he has a collaborator to work with him? Well, I think that’s a really interesting point. I think what you are describing is the bigger business of filmmaking. A mentor of mine, the great producer - Tony Garnett - refers to filmmaking as being a social act, which it is of course. This isn’t just paying lip service like a great award ceremony where people say what a collaborative art it is - before they then take the gong…

The point is that it is an actual description of the business of filmmaking. It is a social act, and if I am writing a screenplay on my own - do I need a collaborator? Of course I do. It tends to be a producer whom I trust, whose notes are part of an ongoing conversation which is not just for that one film. Does Nicola Pecorini do his cinematography all on his own? Does a designer, a sound mixer, and actor?

No - none of us do what we do on our own. And we really are only as good as the people we are working with. And that applies to directing and screenwriting too. It’s about the dynamic between us all the time. It doesn’t need to be a fixed thing: one person can play the sensible one and the other person can be the irresponsible one. Then you can switch over - you can be free about how you play. It is about dynamic - you can’t have the same roles, because that’s when you don’t get anything interesting. So you need to challenge, offer up an alternative. It’s a debate. Does that sound too dull for you?

No, it’s fascinating insight! The way I work with Terry is unique - totally different from any other way I work. I think what you say about him writing with a screenwriter, partly yes there are many instances where he can be freed because - guess what - my main responsibility is the screenplay, that’s my job. But it’s not the only way it works. I might come up with an idea which is a bit off-piste, to which Terry might respond that it doesn’t really fit. We argue it out. He might have the final say - it’s his brand - but I will still argue. He enjoys a fight - as you may have noticed. The important thing is fluidity. You don’t stop. 

Terry has said himself the two things you need to get films made is momentum and belief. If he had enough knuckles he’d have them tattooed on his knuckles! Those are the two things, the two requirements. That’s all to do with playing. And by playing you avoid the demon of fear.

Momentum and belief is what gets movies into production without full financing! Absolutely, and it’s also increasingly necessary. I can’t remember the last time I went into production on a feature film with a contract all signed and sealed. There’s always something slightly outstanding isn’t there? I think that’s one of the reasons we’re all moving to television.

There was a 1999 attempt to make the film that fell apart, but shooting started in the autumn of 2000. How happy were you with that script going into production? Then, I was very happy. With hindsight, I am not. The first thing is that anything that you wrote a day ago just doesn’t look as good. Anything, let alone something that’s from 17 years ago. At the time you think it’s something of complete genius. And then it doesn’t seem to be quite so genius a week later. You gain a certain objectivity, hopefully you get better. You have new ideas, new ways of putting something together. And after 17 years, you’re not the same person. It’s a very natural thing. Yet at the time, I thought it absolutely felt just great to be getting it out there on the road.

Over the 17 years, I think on average we probably rewrote the script twice a year, maybe more sometimes - depending on the possibility of the film going into production again. Whenever it looked like there was a chance, I’d get the phone call and it would be Terry saying, “It looks like we’ve got Quixote back together again… I read the script and it’s crap!” That would be his way of saying we’re on the road again, let’s have a look at it. 17 years on I think we’ve finally got quite a good script.

One of the big differences is that now there is no time slip: everything is contemporary. That was a very welcome decision in a practical way. It’s also a smarter move because it’s not such a literal thing. As a result of shooting in Spain, we can still have Holy Week; we still have interiors of castles; we still have period costumes for great extravaganzas. So we are in the contemporary world, but we can slip back into a more ancient world in a subtler way, in a way where the old world and the new world are combined.

The other thing was to find a more solid story for Toby, which is what happened to him in the past when he was a young filmmaker- how he was recreating the Quixote myth in Spain using people who are nonprofessional actors, people who had jobs, such as an old man who was a cobbler. A man who is losing his marbles and who becomes convinced by Toby that he is in fact Don Quixote de La Mancha. Therefore Toby feels a responsibility for what subsequently happens.

Toby’s guilt gives him a solid grounding for his transformation. Yes it does. It is interesting if you ask yourself what is this guilt about - because he made something, because he produced something, because people were affected, some people were damaged by what he did? It’s interesting that he has that guilt.

I think Toby’s guilt is about irresponsibility, but to be honest he’s talking about a much younger self. I think his guilt is misplaced to be honest. I don’t think he is in fact justified in feeling the guilt he does feel. I don’t think it’s a true thing.

Making a movie can shake up people’s lives, yet I don’t think that it destroys them. Far from it. Anything you do in this world can affect people. I’ve seen plenty of examples of people becoming involved in films from outside the film world, and it’s only been a good thing. It’s like running away with the circus. People can reinvent themselves; people can throw off an older life. It’s a responsibility because if you are part of this whirlwind, this crucible stirring, of course you are responsible. You can’t pretend that you’re not having an effect, but it is not necessarily a negative thing. In fact most of the time I don’t think it is a negative thing. I think it enhances the world. It’s a bigger world, though a more dangerous world. I would never say that Toby was involved with a cynical misuse of the Quixote myth, and now he’s going to suffer because he’s guilty. Now he may feel guilty, and he clearly does, but I think it’s misplaced. I don’t think he’s thinking straight about it.

The part that really captures me is the tenderness between Toby and Quixote. And I really like that part of the story which is developed throughout, really. Toby does start off to be an arrogant shit, but I really like his gradual taking on of serving Quixote, and what I like about it is – it is two characters of course, but it’s about Toby giving himself up to a crazy idea, something you can’t see, something that is bigger and more extraordinary than the world you touch and see. That’s what he’s really giving himself to. He’s allowing, he saying that he’s not everything. There’s a huge world out there that’s nothing to do with me, and I’ll be in second place to that world. That sounds very highfalutin but that’s what’s going on.

By the way, isn’t that partly the source of his guilt, his being self-centred? As Quixote says to him, “It’s always about you…. me, me, me,” he says. I do think that guilt is about him being self-obsessed. Toby thinks, “It must be me, I caused this.”… I’m not sure - perhaps his real sin is he never lived up to his promise.

Straight after the Quixote collapse you did some work with Terry on Good Omens… The collapse of Quixote and the collapse of Good Omens was a real blow. I started working with Michel Winterbottom actually around that time, and that became In This World. That was a different kind of filmmaking where we were going to people and asking them for their experiences, and making a film guided and informed by that. It was purposefully a different tack. It was in response to those two big collapses. Although Good Omens wasn’t as big a disaster as Quixote, we did a lot of work on that script. And I still feel it would make a really good film. I think we had a good script there.

Tell me about the backstory of Toby’s student film. First of all, remember that we had come through the collapse of Don Quixote, so what was happening there? A filmmaker was making a version of Don Quixote which then collapses because of a great storm. So that’s sitting there. Plus we’ve both had experience of being ambitious young filmmakers. These things are in the ether. Toby’s student backstory grew out of those elements. It’s not: here’s a new idea - we’re going to slap on, it was quite a natural development.

I remember writing the details of it – it just ran, it just went, it was very easy. It felt such a natural progression, but it didn’t come out of nowhere. It comes out of the fact that we are constantly talking about this film, this story and these ideas. I don’t think we ever mentioned: isn’t this like another mirror on what actually happened on the collapsed Don Quixote shoot? I don’t think we even said it.

We have a film where, guess what, we’re making a film with a version of Quixote but as a commercial, and it collapses. We didn’t say: just like in real life. You don’t have to say it. By analysing those things, it destroys them. You’ve got to believe in the story. It’s the story you go to, not the storyteller. You just need that belief in the story, keep going, don’t worry about whose idea it is, just do it.

The script is very funny. Nicola, who clearly was there when it was shot, said that what was shot was funnier than the script, He said that the moviemaking alchemy has made it a very, very funny film. What challenges were posed by having to write humorous dialogue? There are different types of films, and different film projects call for different kinds of dialogue. It’s both a curse and a blessing, working on what is going to be labelled a Terry Gilliam film, because that’s what’s going to happen. One of the freedoms you get is the way that people talk to one another can veer into quite sort of surreal comedy. It allows you to do that. And remember this is co-writing - it’s a to and fro’.

I remember writing Rupert’s dialogue, and really enjoying it because I didn’t plan to write comedy. I planned to write this particular character, and Rupert’s very controlling. He makes a living out of being as close to Toby as possible, as close to power as possible. He’s full of that, ingratiating himself to survive - a bit of a guru, and a fake. All of these things can only be funny if played to Toby as the straight man. Which is what happens - it comes out of character, it doesn’t come out of comic intent. The development of that of course depends on the playing of them - performers picking up on that particular dynamic between those two characters in this instance. And getting it and playing it to the hilt. That’s what happens.

(Tony jokes) Maybe Nicola’s English is not good enough to appreciate out brilliant script. What a cheeky fucker! What Nicola is saying is that his bit of filmmaking is better than my bit of filmmaking. I shall poison his vineyard!

Clearly Nicola is talking about what the actors brought to it enhanced it! Listen, I recently worked with Steve Buscemi. The big danger with Steve Buscemi performing the lines that you’ve written, is that you think: I’m a really good writer. Because you get someone like that, you get Adam Driver, you get these people - they take hold of the lines and make them theirs. It’s a beautiful thing. I always think that writers pretend, and actors become. So I’m very pleased and absolutely believe everything what they have done with this script can only make it better, and thank Christ for that. People can then say, “Really great writing!”

One scene I did see being shot was when Jonathan Pryce as Javier/Quixote and Adam Driver as Toby arrive horseback at the castle. Jonathan Pryce was terrific, the one scene he was particularly good at was trying to please Alexei, while at the same time apologising for Toby’s behaviour and also being angry at Toby’s behaviour. He did all of those things simultaneously. It was hilarious. He’s born to the part or what? What I’ve seen of Jonathan Pryce becoming Quixote is just sublime. People pretend that the writing stops when you go into production, and of course it doesn’t. It continues, and that’s what Jonathan Pryce has done because he has continued the writing of the film. That’s what’s so beautiful. What Nicola’s saying is absolutely right, of course it is, and it’s a great thing when that happens.

Now, did you ever think it was an impossible dream, and did you ever take Terry to one side, and say “Don’t you think it’s time, you’ve tried it 10 times, to be focussing on something else?” I never did say that to Terry, but I did think it. That is the truth. If anyone asked me, as they did on several occasions, “What about Quixote?”, I’d say absolutely we’re going to make it. Absolutely it’s going to happen. Privately, I visited the garden of Gethsemane more than once. That’s my confession. My joy of Terry turning over on the first day was only surpassed by my joy of him turning over on the last day. I’m very pleased for the man.

Did you visit the set of this one? No I didn’t. I stayed away from it. I think that’s why it’s turned out such a success! I almost went to the set, but I didn’t go in the end. It’s a funny thing, Terry used to phone up every now and again, and say something like, “We’re shooting a scene and they’re hiding under the stairs and I need some dialogue.” I said, “Who’s hiding under the stairs - what are you talking about?” He said, “Quixote and Toby are hiding under the stairs - just write something!”

We also had conversations about what song is Adam singing? Lots of little bits and pieces. These missives from the front now and again appeared, and I just loaded up some ammunition and sent it back.

We talked before about Terry’s wild imagination, so you could say that Terry resembles Cervantes’s character Don Quixote, but you also mentioned the side of structure and practicality that you need to get a film made. So to what extent does Terry resemble Quixote, that is, Cervantes’s character? If you watch Lost in La Mancha, we make a big thing of that, and I think we got it wrong. I really do. I think Terry has a love of Quixote, he has an understanding of this old man’s dreams which are so detached from the waking world - yet that isn’t Terry. You can’t make movies like that. Don Quixote would not - could not - make a movie.

So I think the relationship is way more interesting and less literal than a bunch of us, myself included, stated in Lost in La Mancha. It’s much more interesting. It’s a love for Quixote’s detachment from the world, a wish for it as well, but it’s the conflict that makes it interesting, the very worldly process of the business of making a film. You are freest when you are writing, because you’re furthest away from the reality, compared to when you are shooting. Time is limitless when you start writing, up to the point just before you start shooting. And then it reverses out.

It rains; someone falls off a horse; the scene wasn’t as great as we thought it was; we found a different way of doing that scene; everyone was pointing in the wrong direction that day - all of these things, these are practicalities. And Terry is very, very practical.

With analogue film, the actual film was literally physically clicking through the gate at 25 frames per second: every frame costs money. That’s what’s happening when you are making the film, just as John Boorman called his book Money Into Light. That’s the alchemy that’s happening, that’s the magic going on. You can’t be Don Quixote and make that magic. You have to be someone else.

It’s interesting about Terry Gilliam/Don Quixote, because I regret having bolstered that equation. It’s a bit lazy and not close enough to the truth. I think the reality is really fascinating: that tension between recognising the crazed dreamer that is Quixote and recognising that in yourself and at the same time embracing the very practical things that enable you to turn the dreaming into film. It’s a way more interesting equation. In the end the film is Quixote and we are all Sancho.

You mentioned some other projects you have on the go... I’ve had three things all shooting at the same time: there’s Don Quixote (Terry Gilliam), and one of an anthology of Philip K Dick short stories called Crazy Diamond, which Mark Munden has directed for Channel Four and Sony. A third thing is an adaptation of a novel called The City & The City by China Mieville, and that’s a four-parter for the BBC, which is directed by Tom Shankland. They are all now in the cutting room. I am now writing In the Wolf’s Mouth, which is a set of interlocking stories all set around Sicily in 1943. That’s with Andrea Calderwood producing.

[bestofallhans]

McQueen: thank you

Watching the documentary tonight about Lee Alexander McQueen, I’d forgotten how much he’d inspired me when I was so young, and so was he.

Watching the time line of his career: Savile Row at 17 in the late 80s, when I was less than school age, and selling his whole first collection to Isabella Blow in 1992 before I was in secondary school. His precocious attitude was already in full force by the time I was doing my GCSEs - and this is where I first found him. Cutting up Elle and Vogue for Textiles course mood boards, I kept finding the same inspiration: ‘l’enfant terrible’ of British fashion, the new Westwood, the Damien Hirst of fashion. I didn’t know what any of it was rallying against, but it felt like my world. Misfit and oddball, outside of the system, innocent of the machinations of business. Lee spoke like I was told not to, he looked out of place amongst the fashionistas and didn’t fit the expectation of a creative genius.

The film tells me he refused to have his face on screen for early TV interviews because he was still on the dole; but he made it his trademark. Fuck the system. He didn’t need fame and his art didn’t need to have his face on it. Unlike John Galliano, whom I was also fascinated with, Lee’s fashion felt achievable because it wasn’t haute couture, whilst simultaneously being so over the top and out there as to beat them at their own game.

At 15 I was oddball. I was smart and I liked being smart. I was naive of how I was being manipulated for my intelligence. I didn’t fit in, and half of me embraced that; wearing my dad’s 1970s Savile Row tailored overcoat to school, seeking out books and films that no one else was interested in: Terry Pratchett and Guy du Maupassant’s books, films like Heathers, The Young Poisoner’s Handbook and Beautiful Creatures. The other half was ashamed. Lee was one of the things I saw through a window that reassured me there were definitely other people out there who understood me, even though there was no one to share them with here, right now.

I looked at Lee’s world and saw unbridled creativity. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was interested in him at the point the world first knew of him. Like everything else I was into, I assumed everyone else already knew and I was late to the party. This, for the first time, was mine to enjoy at the same time as everyone else.

Watching the film, I realise how much I was riding a wave. The energy and excitement I felt turning the pages of a catwalk review was the same excitement those people putting those pages together felt. Lee was changing things. He was certainly changing my perspective; teaching me, along with other auters, to go out in the wider world and find people like me - because they were there. I might not be like him (the film reminds us time and again how unique he was), but I wasn’t like the people around me either - and that was fine. I didn’t even need to worry about not looking like them - I could go and be part of whatever world I wanted. I made my final piece for my GCSE isnpired by him. A bright green raw silk Chinese style top, hand embroidered with a raw hem edge. My teacher made me hem it for the coursework points, and I took it down again the evening I got it home.

The film gives credit to Lee alone - it reiterates that ‘no one discovers genius’, and that Lee forged his own path where there was none before him. It reminded me of the simultaneous bravery and fear of being young. That sense of outgrowing your upbringing, and becoming more; but being grateful for your origins and the people who helped you find and tread your path.

He says himself, on camera, that in success he lost himself. Image and wealth drew him away from the person he knew how to be, and his new self was alone in the world. Losing his mum was clearly a huge trauma; one that he didn’t give himself chance to over come, but perhaps it was one too many, or too large. I remember hearing the news and thinking how sad I was that a light had gone out; that I would get to enjoy his new work again. I remember hearing it was because his mum had died and understanding the heart-gripping fear of that.

I don’t pretend to have one ounce of Lee’s genius or creativity in my bones, but I do know those feelings: of being different and having to find a path that none of those around you understand, and of feeling like certain events are insurmountable. So many of the people in the film reiterated how much they miss him. I miss him too. Thank you Lee - for being brave until you couldn’t be brave anymore.

[scriptmedic]

An Anonymous Patron asked:  I'm going to piggyback on another ask while it's still recent! You mentioned before that police and EMS are in close contact all the time but their goals are different.  In my story, law enforcement has become wildly more powerful and corrupt. Given that in our current times of a lesser extreme there's still conflicts that arise between law and paramedics, my question becomes how can paramedics stick up for themselves and others? Likewise, If I want my paramedic character to stand up to an aggressive officer to protect an injured suspect, how would you suggest he does so and not get shot? For details, he's early thirties but very big and half African. I know this stacks against him badly, but it is an integral character moment for him to deescalate a situation without violence. Thanks! 

Hey there! Thanks for writing in! (For those following along, this is referencing this ask.) 

First, I need a big fat disclaimer on this post: 

This post is not regarding any particular act, department, agency, or any real-life event. 

The decisions that officers make are, frankly, decisions I never want to make in my entire life, just as I never want to see violence inappropriately dispensed to anyone, for any reason, by anyone. I’ve had to fight alongside officers to protect us both, and I’ve had to remind them that a fight was over. These incidents are extremely individual. What is “reasonable” and “justified” in one encounter may be absolutely wrong in another, and some things are never justified. 

I am not interested in discourse, videos of people fighting or dying, chatter, or judgement. 

This question does, in fact, come up in modern EMS. Sometimes patients struggle. Sometimes that struggle is met with force by officers. Sometimes that force is, seemingly, disproportionate. 

Now then. This ask is about a medic standing up for a patient who is being unreasonably harmed by police.

There are a few ways to look at this, from an EMS provider’s perspective. None of these are wrong. None of these are even unreasonable. So let’s take a look at some mindsets!

1) “It’s Not My Job.” 

Deescalation of force that is ongoing by an officer is, frankly, not the job of the EMS provider. Public safety is the officer’s job; medical care is ours. Also, what may seem unreasonable from outside of a conflict may seem perfectly reasonable from inside of a conflict. People routinely say they’re not struggling while they continue to do exactly that. 

Additionally, any EMS person who gets involved by trying to stop a cop in the performance of their duties may be criminally liable. Thoughts of jobs, spouses, kids, careers, are very potent motivators to stay physically uninvolved. 

Your character may simply choose not to get involved in that moment. 

2) “You’re Going Too Far” 

Institutional brutality on the part of an officer typically happens when their authority is challenged in some way. But officers don’t go in to work hoping to brutalize people, or at least, that’s the hope. Reminding someone that the fight is over, that they’ve won, that they don’t necessarily want to go this far could have one of two effects: either the officer will see it as a well-meaning reminder that they’re exceeding justifiable force and reconsider, or they’ll see it as an additional challenge to their authority and continue. 

This may also depend on the previous facets of the relationship between the officer and the medic. If there’s a strong relationship there, if they’re friends or at least friendly, there’s the possibility that the officer will listen. 

Reminding an officer of the outcomes possible could work too. “You want him to live? Get your knee off his chest.” That may work wonders. “Do you want him to die in your custody?” 

3) “I Fight With A Pen” 

Frankly, brutality hates paperwork. There’s a great moment in my very favorite Terry Pratchett book, Night Watch, where the main character, Sam Vimes -- pretending to be John Keel, because he’s back in time -- has to hand prisoners over to the Unmentionables for torture. He thinks it’s despicable. So he simply asks the Unmentionables to sign for the prisoners. They recoil like they’re being stung by a thousand bees. 

The reason  for this is simple: documentation makes individuals liable. Every institution that uses brutality the way you’re suggesting is an institution that says it doesn’t. So if your medic character documents the living hell out of not only the injuries, but the progression of the beating as he sees it, he can get the officers in BOATLOADS of trouble -- possibly tried as criminals. 

The officers will see this as a betrayal of trust -- and trust has to exist between EMS and the cops. (And the next time your hero is getting their ass kicked by a patient, and he calls for police, they may not show up -- or, worse, may stand there and do nothing.) 

There are various escalations of this, depending on how much of himself your medic wants to risk. They may simply document it in their own paperwork (in case it ever gets pulled for a court case). They may choose to file an incident report with their agency. They may choose to file an incident report with whatever version of Internal Affairs they think is relevant. They may choose to go to the District Attorney’s office and file criminal charges. While it’s illegal to videotape a patient due to privacy laws, they may choose to do so and provide them the documentation later, or attach it to a complaint. They may choose to post that video on the Internet. 

ALL of these come with some measure of risk, and in every case they may have to testify in court about the incident. The medic’s trust in the court system and their own institution’s willingness to back them will be crucial in his determination in how he moves forward. 

4) “This Is Wrong and I Have to Stop It.” 

Physically stopping a fight is an extreme act of courage in this situation. If your character enters a fight with a suspect, on the side of the suspect, they may be criminally liable, may receive his own mistreatment, and may face jail time. He might lose his career and his income. He might lose everything, for a total stranger. 

This is the same question and scenario as #1, except this time, he says yes, this is worth it. This can be as “gentle” as  holding an officer’s hand back before punching or swinging the baton, and can be as violent as you want it to be. 

Ultimately, this is career suicide. Possibly physical suicide. The consequences of this are, and must be, grave. 

What Will He Choose? 

That’s up to you as a writer. He could do nothing. He could escalate. He could fight with paperwork -- bring the dark things out of the dark and into the light. Or he could physically resist, and in so doing risk everything. 

One Last Thing.... 

...I’ve been envisioning your hero as Luke Cage, and that’s been making me happy :) 

Hope this helped! 

xoxo, Aunt Scripty

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[perfectlinnamonroll]

Just Between Us [Lin-Manuel x Reader]

Summary: Your friend has a brilliant idea how to fix your lack of date to the upcoming wedding.

Word count: 3184 (whaaat?!)

Warnings: cursing, some pretty harsh words directed at the reader, huge amounts of fluff

Author’s notes: Okay, so this my first imagine ever. And first fic in a long, long time. This idea just wouldn’t leave me alone, so I had to get it out. Shoutout to @fragmentofmymind for inspiring me to do this and proofreading the first half. I hope you guys enjoy it!! Just a warning - I’m not a native English speaker, so this might be a little awkward in some places. Sorry!

“Oh God”, you murmured, massaging your temples furiously. This was not happening. How the hell had you gotten yourself into this mess?

Oh, right. It was your goddamn cousin’s fault. As usual.

“Don’t worry”, Alice massaged your shoulder in a way that was probably supposed to be comforting. Right now it only added to your overall tension. “Just ask a friend or something. It’s not a big deal, is it?”

“Except I literally have no one to ask. Besides,” you added, flopping onto the bed dramatically, “who in the right mind would agree to go to a wedding with me?”

“Well, it’s free food.”

“You’re a real friend, Al.”

“You know you can count on me.”

You’d called Alice in for a brainstorming session, since the wedding was taking place in a week and you still haven’t solved the big pressing problem: your datelessness.

Usually it wouldn’t matter; you were used to going to parties alone. So far in your life you’ve been in three relationships – none of which lasted longer than two months. Your talent at attracting fuckboys and assholes was uncanny, to say the least. The point was, you could easily just attend the wedding by yourself.

Unfortunately, this was not an option, thanks to your jerk cousin, Corwin. He was two years younger than you and never had any trouble getting a date. His list of ex-lovers was probably even longer than the one in that Taylor Swift song. And, obviously, he had to be there when you were getting invited to the wedding, and had to make a sardonic remark about how there was no point in giving you a “plus one” invitation since you were sure to show up alone.

So, naturally, you decided to show him that he can go fuck himself and made a promise to yourself that no matter what, you were going to that wedding with a date.

Which brought you right to this moment: a week before the party, still very much single.

Right as you were about to say you should probably give up, Alice suddenly perked up and threw herself to the desk, opening your laptop.

“Wha-“

“Shh! I just had a brilliant idea. There’s this guy that-“

“Alice”, you whined. “We’ve talked about this, I’m not taking a random person-“

“Will you listen to me? Sophie met this great guy when she was working in that recording studio, and they’re still in contact. Claims that she’d throw herself at him if she was into men at all, which you know is the highest compliment any male can hope to receive. And I’ve actually met him once, he’s cute and seems nice, so what do you have to lose?”

“So you’re suggesting I ask this dude, who has no idea I exist, to go to a goddamn wedding with me and survive my family for several hours? With the only added benefit of free food and alcohol? There’s no way he’d agree.”

“Well, he’s online right now, and I’m asking him.”

“Alice!”

She turned away from the laptop to meet your eyes.

“No, really. Worst case scenario, he says no and we’re back to square one. Best case scenario, he says yes, you two go to the wedding, fall hopelessly in love and make out somewhere Corwin can see you, so he finally shuts up about your love life. Right?”

You considered it for a moment, then sighed.

“This is the worst plan ever.”

“You’ll thank me later.”

  And just like that, you found yourself in a coffee shop two blocks away from your apartment, fidgeting in your seat. To your surprise, the guy – named Lin – agreed to go with you without any hesitation whatsoever. So, you scheduled to meet for coffee the day before the wedding and get to know each other a bit, so the evening would hopefully be less of an awkward mess.

You’d agreed to meet at ten, but you woke up uncharacteristically early that morning and found yourself unable to focus on anything. Deciding that pacing around your bedroom in circles was useless, you arrived an hour early. Right now you were sipping your second coffee, watching patrons flutter in and out, and nervously eyeing the clock.

It was quarter before ten when the bell above the door ringed, announcing the arrival of a new guest. You looked at the guy curiously. Judging by the messy black hair and dark circles under his eyes, he was your tomorrow’s date. You did a little wave to get his attention and soon he was slipping into the seat opposite you with a wide smile on his face.

“Hi! I’m Lin, great to meet you! So I’ve been told that we’re deflating a jerk’s ego tomorrow?”

You introduced yourself, unable to keep your eyes off the man’s face. The photo Alice sent you did him no justice at all. His eyes, dark and solemn on the picture, were, in fact, rich brown and endlessly warm, and there were no words to describe the brightness of his megawatt smile.

You found out that Alice has briefly told him about the circumstances of the unfortunate wedding. Apparently, Lin was more than eager to knock your cousin down a few pegs. He insisted that you needed to exchange all kinds of information about yourself, so that your fake dating shtick would seem reasonably genuine.

“Well – we don’t have to tell them we’re dating at all”, you stammered. It was painfully clear that this guy was way out of your league.

Lin shook his head, looking appalled at the idea.

“This is a must”, he insisted. “Who am I to miss out on an opportunity to pretend-date a cute girl?”

You did your best to cover your blush with a long sip of your coffee.

“Okay, you go first”, you suggested. “What do you do?”

He started telling you about his temporary job as an English teacher, which payed the bills while he worked on writing his very own musical (which explained meeting Sophie at the studio). His enthusiasm was contagious, and you found yourself constantly laughing at his stories. You began to understand what Alice meant when she mentioned his “easy charisma”.

“Okay, but that’s enough about me”, he said after a particularly funny story about a pop quiz on Shakespeare. “Tell me about yourself.”

“Well”, you started, laughing nervously, “there’s not much to talk about. I work in an office downtown. A mind-numbingly boring job, just tons of paperwork and not much else.”

“Okay, so what’s the dream, then?”, he asked with a glint in his eyes.

That was a question you weren’t expecting. You looked down at your empty coffee cup and hesitated for a moment.

“It’s- it’s silly, really, but- I’ve always dreamed of being an author. Fantasy, sci-fi, children’s books, stuff like that. But I’ve never written anything I was really satisfied with, you know? Kept throwing most of it out. I suppose I should just stick to what I’m doing right now.”

Despite your best efforts, your eyes started to tear up a little. These traitors.

You suddenly felt something warm encircling your hand. Looking up in surprise, you noticed that Lin covered it with his. You blushed a little at the look in his eyes – endlessly soft and caring.

“You can’t just give up”, he said, seriousness ringing in his voice. “Everyone starts from somewhere. And throwing out your work is one of the worst offenses ever, trust me. Archive it, store it somewhere you’ll never have to look at it again, but never delete any of it. How else are you supposed to track your progress? And, honestly, I don’t believe you.”

“What do you mean-“

“Your writing. You mentioned it with such passion – I can’t believe this is just a temporary thing. You really want to do it, don’t you?”

“Well, I do – or at least I did, but-“

“Then do it”, he smiled. “If it helps, I’ll gladly read whatever you want me to – and maybe you could look at my writing, too? I need some honest feedback. Just between us writers?”

You looked at him – softly, fondly.

“Yeah. Just between us.”

  The conversation soon returned to more mundane stuff, and before you knew it, it was time to return home. You said your goodbyes and agreed to meet at your place the next day an hour before the wedding, to be able to get there without the need to rush.

You returned to your place, trying to focus on preparations for tomorrow – to no avail. Your mind kept wandering back to the man you just met. Oh, there was no denying he was cute, but that’s not what captured your attention the most. No, you kept replaying his words in your head instead. “Just between us writers.”

Honestly, you’ve all but given up on your writing at this point. No matter what you did, the ideas always felt stale, the words awkward, the characters flat. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to your favourites – Le Guin, Gaiman, Pratchett, Hobb – and feel discouraged by the juxtaposition. Beginning was relatively easy and you were quick to become excited with an idea, but the enthusiasm tended to dissipate in the blink of an eye, leaving you disheartened. Putting words together seemed easy when someone else was doing it; not so much when you were trying it yourself.

So, yeah, you’ve basically thrown the towel in at this point. You couldn’t remember the last time you’ve written something that wasn’t a job e-mail. You didn’t even know why you’d mentioned it today, and why to Lin of all people. Was it because he was a writer too? Or just because his sincerity and openness caught you entirely off guard?

Strangely enough, his words of encouragement struck a chord with you. His passion for theatre, the energy with which he talked about his projects was contagious. It reminded you of high school and nights spent polishing the next chapter of your story. Back then, the distance between you and your idols was inspiring instead of terrifying. When had it changed?

  Next day you spent your whole afternoon in a daze, mindlessly preparing yourself for the party while still mulling over the things Lin had brought up yesterday. You were just putting the finishing touches on your makeup when a sharp knock on the door brought you back to reality.

You rushed to the entrance to find it was Lin, right on schedule. The sight of him momentarily struck you dumb. You were going to a wedding, so logically you knew he wouldn’t be sporting the jeans and sweater he sported in the café. Still, nothing could prepare you for his elegant dark grey suit, which he wore with casual confidence. How the hell did you score a man like this?

Fortunately, you managed not to miss a beat and smiled at him, inviting him inside. “Come in, I just need a couple more minutes and I’m ready to go.”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re not ready”, he said, taking in the sight of you. “I’m pretty sure you can’t improve on perfection.”

“Stop it”, you laughed to hide your embarrassment.

“I’m serious. Here I was, thinking we’ll be keeping a low profile during this, and it’s gonna be impossible when you threaten to outshine the bride.”

You couldn’t do anything to stop the furious blush coming to your cheeks.

“Well, I-“ Damn, what was it about this man that made you so incoherent? “It’s gonna take just a moment. Um, make yourself at home?”, you said quickly before returning to the bathroom.

You leaned on the sink, breathing deeply, and trying to contain yourself. It was just some casual flirting, right? Nothing you couldn’t handle. He was probably doing it just to be polite and ease the tension.  You weren’t going to get your hopes up. One night and you’d probably never see each other again. You were fine with it.

At least that’s what you kept telling yourself.

You left the bathroom a minute later, finally ready to go. Exiting, you noticed Lin standing before your bookshelf, looking curiously at the titles.

“Never seen such a collection belonging to someone who didn’t write”, he commented out loud, smirking in your direction. “You should stop lying to yourself about it. This is meant to be.”

“There are tons of people who enjoy reading but don’t or can’t write”, you reminded him.

Lin shook his head.

“Alright, not gonna argue with a pretty girl just before a date. Shall we go?”

He offered you his arm. You gladly took it.

You’d failed to notice he called the evening a date.

  The wedding part of the whole affair went by in a blur. You had to admit that the venue was lovely. The ceremony took place under a blooming apple tree in a vast garden. It was lucky, since you knew how long waiting lists for wedding sites could be. One week later and the flowers could have been long gone.

The bride, a distant relative of yours whose name you barely remembered (Kate? Karen?), looked rather nice, even though her gown was enormous. What was with people and those huge puffy dresses? You couldn’t remember one woman who pulled it off successfully. Except maybe Beyoncé, but that’s because she was, well, Beyoncé.

The vows were exchanged, which gave you an opportunity to hear newlyweds’ names again (Kate and Nathan, you noted, even though you would probably forget them in a moment), and then you were quickly ushered to a spacious hall. The bride must have been insistent on inviting literally everyone from her side of the family, since you were seeing a lot of vaguely familiar faces you remembered from other gatherings.

Thankfully, introducing Lin to your parents was rather painless, since they were preoccupied with meeting aunt Bertha and other relatives. With a promise that you’d be there later for a longer talk, you exchanged simple pleasantries and went to find your seats at the tables.

The official part of the wedding elapsed quickly. As soon as the music started, Lin smiled at you and asked you for a dance. You’ve just managed to approach the dance floor when you heard a voice that gave you the creeps.

“Well well well, if it isn’t Y/N!”, said Corwin in a mocking tone, walking towards you. “So you did manage to leave your house for once? Won’t your books miss you?”

You did your best to cover your annoyance with a saccharine smile. “Hello, cousin. Could you be so kind and introduce us to your partner?” You nodded at the woman beside him. “I can’t keep track of them, you show up with a new one every party.”

“This is Frances”, he said unperturbed, gesturing to his partner. You couldn’t deny she was attractive: the kind of woman who made you feel insecure by simply existing. Her blue eyes seemed vacant, though, and her smile was definitely forced. You wouldn’t be surprised if she turned out to be just as vapid as most of Corwin’s dates.

Still, you couldn’t judge her merely by virtue of dating your cousin. You did your best to make your expression friendly when you said hello and introduced yourself and Lin. Corwin appraised him with a smirk.

“Wow. Someone actually agreed to show up with you in public. And he’s a step above the pansies you brought earlier, too. Did she blackmail or pay you?”, he smirked at Lin.

You were used to your asshole cousin’s remarks, but it still hurt to hear that. You knew that you two led very different lives, but it didn’t seem like a good enough reason to put you down. You took a deep breath, trying your best to keep a smile on your face. You were just about to politely tell him to stuff it, when Lin put his arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

“I don’t know what you mean, man.” You’ve met Lin yesterday, but it was clear to you that he was faking a cheerful tone. “She wasn’t easy to get, but I intend to keep her.”

Corwin outright laughed.

“Hard to get? Her? I don’t know she did to get you to act all adoring like that, but everyone can tell it’s a sham. I wouldn’t go with her even if she offered to spread her legs for me, that freakish prude is just not worth it.”

You could feel your smile fading from your face. Yep, he had to go there. That was it. He was about to get slapped right where he stood. But before you could do anything, Lin put his hand on your cheek, gently turning your head towards him. He looked at you with determination.

And then he kissed you.

Your brain short-circuited for a moment. That was not at all what you were expecting, and you definitely hadn’t discussed that possibility earlier. But you found that you didn’t really want to protest. You closed your eyes, melted into Lin’s embrace and let yourself enjoy the moment.

The kiss was gentle and sweet and ended far too early to your liking. You opened your eyes with reluctance and were immediately rewarded with a clear view of Lin’s face: soft and smiling. You quickly catalogued the memory. Definitely didn’t want to forget that, ever.

And you were right to do so, because a heartbeat later his eyes shifted to harsh as he turned towards Corwin. “You talk about my girlfriend like that again and I swear you will need to be carried out of this place”, he spat. “Let’s go, cariño. I hope the rest of your family isn’t as insolent as this jackass.”

You caught a glimpse of your baffled cousin as you left, walking away from the party and towards the little deserted balcony. Lin hadn’t let go of your hand that entire time.

Saying you were confused would be an understatement. Your head kept spinning and your lips still tingled a little from the sudden kiss.

As soon as you found yourself away from the other guests, Lin turned to you.

“Look, I’m so sorry”, he began to apologize. “I just didn’t expect this guy to be such an asshole, and I tend to act impulsively when I’m angry. I know I should’ve asked you first, and this doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to, and-“

“Lin”, you interrupted him, looking him in the eye. He closed his mouth immediately. “It’s okay. Honestly. I was just a little surprised, that’s all. It was priceless to see Corwin finally shut up. And, just between us”, you said in a moment of courage, “I definitely don’t regret that.”

“…You don’t?”, Lin asked softly.

“No. No, I don’t.”

“Thank God”, he smiled widely. “Because I can’t say I wouldn’t want to do that again.”

He leaned towards you, stopping just shy of your lips. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to”, he whispered.

“I know”, you answered and smiled before kissing him.

[therightprometheanfire]

I got tagged twice! Here’s @ravingliberal‘s first, because I got hers first.

RULES: tell your followers 11 random facts about yourself and tag 11 people. tag backs are allowed but if you do get tagged again you must not repeat any of the facts you mentioned in the previous round. the facts can be absolutely anything, whatever comes to mind first. 

#1: I just got a banana Starburst that was clearly labeled as a Lemon Starburst, and feel vaguely cheated.

#2: The day Terry Pratchett died, my dad was out on a run. I’d managed to stop crying by the time he came back, but only just. I told him what had happened and felt my face get a little shaky again. He looked at me for a minute, then said “you wanna watch a movie or something after I shower?”. I nodded and before he went to shower, he disappeared for a second, and returned with an oatmeal cookie. “Sadness cookie,” he said sagely, and gave it to me. I don’t remember what we watched, but that’s the most unimportant part of the story.

#3: I can sing all of “Bruce’s Philosopher Song” by the Monty Python guys and when I was fourteen, I sang it during a Shakespeare production, I believe The Merchant of Venice, while playing a drunk, because it was the only drinking song I knew and I knew it by heart. I told only my brother I was going to do it, and he was excited to be let in on the secret. I couldn’t hear her because I was doing my best to project my singing because it was an outdoor production, but my mother evidently laughed so hard and so loud that people turned around to stare at her. I was also still full time homeschooled at that point (for another couple of weeks, anyway, before I went to high school), and my mother jokingly said that the song was our philosophy education for the year.

#4: I have absolutely abysmal eating habits, which is mostly due to the fact that I eat a lot of food as kind of a coping mechanism. I’m trying to get the upper hand here, but it’s really fucking hard.

#5: These days I refer to all male authority figures as “sir” and all female authority figures “ma’am”, which is less me being obsessively polite and more a side effect of going to a military college, even as a civilian.

#6: I love weird socks. Which I always have, to a certain extent. But @i-am-the-knight-who-says-ni got me ones that say “I gave a fuck, once” and that kicked off my real delight in them. Now I have a wide array, including a LOT from Blue Q like “I have mood swings” and “It’s okay, I hate everyone too”, some that look like famous paintings, and a personal favorite that my mom brought me back from Austin, which are American flag socks with Bill Murray’s face all over them.

#7: I am probably the only person on Earth who has a really hard time bingewatching. I’ll marathon half-hour shows, for sure, but those are usually either in the background while I do something else, or episodes I’ve seen before. Bingewatching new, hour+ content is near impossible for me, mostly happening in spurts. The closest I think I’ve come most recently was when I started Hannibal, and watched six episodes in one day. Before that, I watched the second half of the first season of The X-Files and the first couple episodes of the second season in a day. I burnt myself out on both those shows just from those viewings and it took forever to take them up again. Bingewatching, man. An unattainable constant. 

#8: I am a really fast and capable reader, and I started reading Shakespeare when I was nine or ten, starting with abridged children’s versions and moving quickly to the plays themselves. I used to take out books in the tens from the library, read them all, and return them the next week. When I was reading the American Girl books around seven, we had an AG board game that I played with my mother. It had a trivia section and I went for those cards every time, and Mom, who’d been under the impression that I wasn’t really reading the books, just sort of flipping the pages like little kids do sometimes, proceeded to be really freaked out when I nailed almost every single question. I’m not trying to brag or boast here. I’m trying to set up some backstory for you so you understand what I’m telling you that, when none of these things tripped me up, when I was a quite confident and competent reader, I was ground to a halt by The Fellowship of the Ring. I tried reading it when I was ten or eleven, and it took me three years. Now that’ll knock you down a peg.

#9: Orson Welles in his prime, Citizen Kane days could get it. Seriously, all he would have to have done was ask me and I would be like “yup, you bet”.

#10: In relation to the LOTR thing, when I was a kid I had a book called The Languages of Middle-Earth (I had seen the movies at this point even though I hadn’t read the books), which had an Elvish-English dictionary. I decided to write poetry in Elvish. Not only was it abysmal poetry, I mixed the shit out of Sindarin and Quenya, so it just read like a fucking mess.

#11: I refuse to wear any shirt that has curse words on it in public, because in public there are sometimes children and I’m not gonna have curse words around children, come the fuck on now.

I tag @singlemaltantiseptics, @flapperwitch, @irlkatebishop, @princessparadoxical, @ellicelluella, @jennysparkling, @valkyriesuits, @infinitegem, @0nlywishfulthinking, @katymacky, and @padbaeamidla!

Now for the next one! Please assume that everyone tagged in the above is also tagged in this, minus of course @princessparadoxical, on the grounds that she is the one who tagged me in this one :D

Bold the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE: I am 5′7″ or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces There is something I would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY: My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin I am an introvert I like love meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges (depends) I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIP: I’m in a relationship I have a celebrity crush I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school (25 min. away, depends on definition of close) My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair (tried) I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages fluently I have made a new friend in the past year

Thanks for the tags, y’all!

[laurasinele]

Long tag post

tagged by the amazing @assassinsdragons I still don’t get how I fell under the radar of such an interesting young talented person

RULES:

1. Post the rules.

2. Answer the questions from your tagger.

3. Write 11 questions of your own.

4. Tag on! 

1. Do you have a certain belonging that have a special value for you? Like, sentimental value.

Dozens, but I’m trying to stop that. I was on my way to becoming a hoarder, gathering all sorts of things, some of them brand new never opening them, some of them could be considered garbage. I realised that same behaviour came from my dad and for the last five years or so I’ve been getting rid of things that once I kept as sentimental, forcing myself to go through the memories and emotions and see if there is actual sentimental value or just force of habit. Amongst the things I do keep because of their sentimental value there’s a pink teddy bear that was one of my first toys as a baby and a black lace and golden sequins fan that I picked for my grandmother while on holidays when I was seven and she never used because she said she would save it for my wedding (she died when I was sixteen and I married at twenty-nine)

2. How many books are there in your book shelf? (If you can count them)

Well over two hundred between fiction, non fiction, comic books and outdated Warhammer rulebooks. I told you I was a hoarder and I went and married a hoarder. We are getting clean I promise XD

3. Five best movies?

Aaagh I hate these questions about your fave whatever, I never know which ones to pick. I’m going to say five in no particular order but if you asked me tomorrow the answer could be completely different. Hell even if you asked in half an hour haha. Mr. Right, Stranger than Fiction, Howl’s Moving Castle, Brokeback Mountain, Kelly’s Heroes.   4. Favourite clothing article? Why?

The combo T-shirt/long sleeved button down shirt. My shirts are usually hand-me-downs from my dad or my brother, so they look a bit oversized, and my tees are geeky designs from TeeFury or QwerTee. Why? Because I am a very heat sensitive person in a very warm country and this combination allows me to peel off or put on layers quick and easy when entering or exiting buildings or public transportation or simply because during the three quarters of the year that the sun is not blazing the weather is just undecided bollocks.

5. What is/was your favourite subject in school?

Anything but PE. In High School I enjoyed the most Greek and Latin, and I had a decent PE teacher that made me stop hating it. 

6. What is your favourite fantasy creature?

I was going to write the sphynx like super fast, then I realised it is only because I’ve been talking about it lately. I don’t think I have one, my attention span is too short to have just one haha

7. What do you think of your name? (If you don’t want to say what your name is you don’t have to, just explain whether you like it or not and possibly why as well)

I love it. It is uncommon and it means beautiful things. It has a nice sound in my language. Because of its rareness, it makes me feel special. I’ve been annoyed because of it but never at it. If you know Spanish you’ll guess it by my user name. 

8. Apple or android?

Android for a phone, Apple for a computer. Been around long enough, messed around with almost everything. My choice is made, children. 

9. List your three top music bands and your favourite song from them.

See my complaint on question 3. Let’s say that today my three favourite bands are in no particular order: Travis – fave song of all time from them is Flowers in the Window

Rammstein – I can’t not sing Keine Lust (but let’s face it most of the lyrics are stupid, we are there for the adrenaline boost)

Hozier (because I heard he’s coming back soon) – fave song is a tie between In a Week, Work Song and Jackie and Wilson.  

10. Are there any movies on the cinema this year that you want to see? (If you’ve already seen one that’s top notch you can tell about that one too)

I’ve already watched Love, Simon and I expected more but it’s a nice movie and very much needed. I think I’m going to miss Deadpool 2 because I can’t seem to find the time to go, and I’m looking forward to the releases here in Spain of The Incredibles 2 and Ocean’s 8. Also, I’m pissed about the marketing of The Man Who Killed Don Quixote (directed by former Monty Python Terry Gilliam, with Adam Driver as the main character), half of the cast are Spanish great actors, it was filmed partly in Spain, it’s about the main figure of the Spanish literature and there are two seasoned actors and an A-lister in the cast AND THERE’S BEEN CLOSE TO NONE ADVERTISING AND ALMOST NO THEATRES ARE FEATURING IT. 

11. If you could have a superpower/magic power, what would it be?

Fix anything.

I know this is long, so don’t feel obliged to play along, but I’m curious to know about @pottercrew, @slytherinvalues, @paquim:  1. Why did you first picked up a Harry Potter book? (school assignment, someone recommended it...?) 2. Name a word that you like in any language, be it for its sound, its meaning, its calligraphy or any other reason.  3. What did you want to grow up to be when you were a toddler and what do want to be/are now professionally/academically speaking? 4. Peas. Thoughts? 5. We’ve always heard that saying about fiction building expectations on romantic aspirations. Did that happen for you or have you been able to differentiate? (That you may enjoy reading or viewing super dramatic slow burns and angsty stories but like your love life nice and simple, for example) 6. How did the change of subject and dept from question 4 to 5 felt? I’m sorry I’m an arsehole haha  7. Do you favor comedy or drama when you pick a book, comic, movie, etc? Why? 8. Is there an author/director/creator that you’d like to swap places with as in own their voice, their particular style or signature? (For example, I’d like to be able to tell stories like Terry Pratchett or Taika Waititi do) 9. What are you reading now or did you last read or are you planing to read next? 10. What’s the best and the worst of being on tumblr? 11. What’s a piece of advice that you’ve found actually useful? It can be as mundane or as mystical as you want as long as it was useful for you.  

[the-light-followed]

THE LIGHT FANTASTIC (1986) [DISC. #2; RINCEWIND #2]

“What shall we do?’ said Twoflower. ‘Panic?’ said Rincewind hopefully. He always held that panic was the best means of survival; back in the olden days, his theory went, people faced with hungry sabre-toothed tigers could be divided very simply into those who panicked and those who stood there saying ‘What a magnificent brute!’ and ‘Here, pussy.”

Rating: 5/10

Standalone Okay: No

Read First: ABSOLUTELY NO.

Discworld Books Masterpost: [x]

* * * * * * * * * *

If The Colour of Magic is a bad place to start reading Discworld, The Light Fantastic is 100% worse.  Not because it’s bad, because it’s absolutely an improvement on its predecessor.  It’s just that The Colour of Magic ends on a cliffhanger (only in the metaphorical sense; in the literal sense, Rincewind has just fallen off the cliff).  The Light Fantastic picks up exactly where it left off, with only a little exposition or explanation to soften the shift from one to the next.  I tend to think of The Light Fantastic as more like The Colour of Magic: Part 2, Now We’re Getting Somewhere, because, well, now we’re getting somewhere.

Folks, we finally have a cohesive, over-arching plot! We have stakes greater than “let’s not get killed by this latest thing that wants us dead!”  We have purpose, and drive, and successful barbarian heroes so old they lack teeth and have to make dentures out of diamond, and I love absolutely every bit of it!

In what will quickly become obvious is the norm for him, Rincewind’s life continues to be a series of upsetting things happening one after the other.  Some highlights from The Light Fantastic include:

Being forcibly teleported (back) onto the Disc by the parasitically-attached Great Spell living in his brain, after falling over the Rimfall.  Reality is completely rewritten to do this, but everything remains exactly the same except Rincewind’s new position clinging to the top of a pine tree.  (Twoflower gets dropped back onto the Disc as well, but that seems mostly incidental.)

Going to the land of Death while still alive, picking up his mostly-dead friend, and running right back out to the land of the living.

Camping in the mouth of a giant troll the size of a mountain, while being held captive by mercenaries.  Somehow only the mercenaries end up dead.

Being attacked by wizards and Things from the Dungeon Dimensions, and fighting said wizards and Things in life-or-death battles.

Using the most powerful magical book on the Disc, possibly the most magical item full-stop, and then afterwards, allowing said item to be eaten by the carnivorous sentient Luggage for safekeeping.  Rincewind ends up owning the Luggage before the end of the story—so technically, he still has this wildly dangerous book.

Oh, and saving the world, of course.  He also does that.

I love, love, love the way Pratchett writes ‘heroes’ vs. how he writes his protagonists.  Absolutely none of his protagonists are the stereotypical hero, and his stories are better for it.

Quick sidetrack to define terms: when I say ‘stereotypical hero,’ I’m talking about the kind of lawful good protagonists you see in most high fantasy adventure stories or superhero comics, the stuff with worldwide or even cosmic stakes.  They’re typically well-trained or have some kind of special skills, or they acquire special training/skills along the way.  They almost always set out specifically to save the world, and typically do not have any ulterior motives beyond it being ‘the right thing to do.’  Usually, they’re strong and rugged manly men with impressive jawlines.  I’m talking Aragorn from Lord of the Rings.  I’m talking Captain America and Superman.  I’m talking the real Boy Scout types.

Truth, justice, and apple pie—or whatever the regional-specific pastry of choice might be!

Pratchett’s heroes are not that.  They’re cowards.  They’re scared or confused or unprepared, or making the whole thing up as they go along.  They’re fools, alcoholics, con men.  They’re salty old ladies and know-it-all young girls.  If there is a stereotypical hero-type character, they’re going to be a foil for the actual main character, and they won’t stay perfectly pure and uncomplicated for long—I’m thinking specifically Carrot, though we’ll talk about him later when we get to the City Watch books.  

Here, what we get is Rincewind.  And he is as far from a stereotypical hero as it is possible to be, probably because he would have started sprinting full-speed away from the thought before anyone finished saying it out loud.  Rincewind doesn’t save the world because he suddenly found his courage, or developed bonus superpowers, or found some kind of magical sword to do the fighting for him.  (He actually found the sword back in The Colour of Magic, hated every second of it, and got rid of it as soon as possible.  Goodbye and good riddance to Kring the magic sword.)  He hasn’t secretly had the courage inside of himself all along.

Rincewind saves the world because he’s got nowhere left to run, and that’s excellent.

I’m going to save a lot of my rambling about Pratchett’s deconstruction of the concept of ‘heroes’ for when I get to Guards! Guards! and later City Watch books, since Carrot is, like I said, both the main example and the central thesis.  But it is very important for everyone to understand: for me, nothing is more satisfying from a literary perspective than knowing that, at the end of the Discworld series, coward and hero-only-by-accident-or-mistake Rincewind is one of the two people in contention for the spot as ‘ultimate savior of the world, the universe, and all of existence.’  The other is a teenage girl.

Honestly, the only reason I think Rincewind might edge her out for the title is because he technically saved a slightly larger slice of reality with this whole escapade.  In Tiffany’s defense, I’m 98% sure she hadn’t been born yet when this whole thing went down, so we really can’t blame her for not solving it first.  If she were there, she’d have it handled, and that’s just objective truth.

But Rincewind.  Rincewind.  At the end of The Light Fantastic, the dude’s spent two whole books screaming and running whenever something tries to kill/maim/eat/threaten him.  The audience has absolutely figured out by this point that while he’s smart and sarcastic and surprisingly speedy, he’s totally useless in a conflict.  His priority is saving his own skin, not dashing feats of derring-do or whatever it is heroes are supposed to do.

And yet with the end of the world looming, his back against the wall, and no real place left to run, when the Big Baddie demands that he give up the last Great Spell, the one last thing preventing the immediate destruction of everything and everyone, we get this from Rincewind:

“If it stops anywhere, it stops here, thought Rincewind. ‘You’ll have to take it,’ he said. ‘I won’t give it to you.’”

And that’s it.  That’s what saves the world.  Not a stereotypical hero, not a hero of legend, not a mythic champion showing up for a final glorious battle—it’s a Pratchett hero.  It’s an everyday guy, a coward and a failure, dragged in by accident and against his will.  It’s an average person, nothing really special, who looks at something that he knows is wrong and that he’s sure will hurt him for disobeying.  And yet he still says no.  It stops here.

Even rats fight back, as Rincewind himself says.

This is the moment that really sells me on Rincewind’s character, every time.  Even before Pratchett was really taking Rincewind or the Discworld seriously, even while the whole thing is still one massive joke more often than not, he’s still given the readers a POV character who feels believably real.  He’s scared shitless, he’s tired, he’s sarcastic, and he doesn’t want to be there.  But that’s too damn bad, because he’s the one there, and if he doesn’t do this, no one else will.

And maybe Rincewind’s not Superman, but he still does it. He succeeds, he saves the day, and—despite everything—he’s somehow the hero of this story.  Screaming all the way, maybe, but he still gets it done.

[Paul Kidby does incredible Discworld art, including some of the amazing cover art for the books.  You can find a lot of it on his website— www.paulkidby.com.  This one,The Colour of Magic, stars Rincewind, Twoflower, and their dramatic escape from the Wyrmberg.]

While we’re on the subject of heroes, we can’t skip over Cohen the Barbarian, who makes his debut here in The Light Fantastic. Now, Cohen is technically a hero, but this is still not in the ‘stereotypical hero’ sense—it’s literally his job.  It’s the thing he writes in the little box marked ‘Occupation’ on his tax forms, or at least it would be if he actually paid any taxes.  Or if he actually wrote things down.  

For Cohen, being a hero is how he makes a profit and pays the bills, and he is very, very good at it.  That’s 100% objective truth, and I know that for sure, because the man is old as the hills and still gets into life-or-death fights about twice a day, and that’s the sort of thing that gets you dead very quickly if you aren’t very good at what you do.

But Cohen still isn’t a stereotypical hero.  He does a lot of looting and pillaging, and his body count over the Rincewind books is—wow, it’s up there.  It’s a real doozy.  It’s hard to call his work heroism when it’s hardly a smidge to the left of repeated, outright murder.  I’ll probably circle back around to this in Interesting Times and The Last Hero, because there are some really interesting points made there about the ways that Cohen and his contemporaries play at heroes and villains like they’re a sort of performance they’re putting on rather than a moral act or a choice made out of necessity. But I will say now that putting Cohen in the same storylines as Rincewind really does put both characters into a more complex and interesting light.  Rincewind, the coward-not-hero, and Cohen, the fearless warrior, can kind of play off of each other.

It just goes to show Pratchett’s grasp of people as people, and not unidimensional cardboard cutouts.  Nobody’s always right.  Nobody is always wrong.  And real people don’t always stand up to perfect, pure concepts of what we think they should be.

Also, since Cohen is about a billion years old, we get little gems like his toothless lisp before he picks up some dentures, a concept that Twoflower brings with him from the Counterweight Continent.  (Or, as Cohen calls them, dine chewers.  That, friends, is a pune, or a play on words.)  Also, because he’s Cohen and therefore a dramatic bastard, the dentures are solid diamond.  It’s not as if the man can’t afford it, I guess?

I do want to take a little side trip into some other new details that pop up in The Light Fantastic, specifically the more in-depth stuff about Unseen University and the wizards.  The wizards are a lot of fun in the early Discworld books, specifically if you’re really bloodthirsty, because up until Ridcully arrives in Moving Pictures there’s quite a lot of turnover in Unseen University staff. The wizards are backstabbing bastards early on, and it’s almost jarring to compare the shifty, power-hungry jerks in The Light Fantastic and Sourcery to the fat, lazy hedonists they’ll become. We do get an impression of them as a collective that will stay pretty consistent as we move forward: their values, their skills, the way they do magic.

This is important not only because it establishes a lot of lasting detail for stories involving Rincewind, the University, and the city of Ankh-Morpork, but also because we’re about to get our first glimpse of the witches.  (Hey-o, here comes Equal Rites!)  With a lot of this stuff mapped out in advance, it makes it easier to run a compare-and-contrast of what’s going on with the two main schools of magic users on the Disc, what’s different between them, what’s the same—and the positives and negatives in them both.  (Again, hey-o, Equal Rites!  That all is about to be the whole damn point.)

I think it’s also fun to note that The Light Fantastic features the brief run of Galder Weatherwax as Archchancellor of the Unseen University, A.K.A. He Who Dies So Granny Weatherwax Can Have His Frankly Excellent Name.  Granny Weatherwax is the steel-souled spine of the witches, and the driving force of their run of books, and it’s kind of hilarious to think that Terry Pratchett did the writer’s equivalent of digging through a graveyard to give her a name.  This theft is later lampshaded and then ignored; Granny says something briefly about Galder Weatherwax being a distant cousin she barely knew, and the whole thing is never mentioned again from then on out. I can’t exactly remember where, and it might even have been in a short story or one of the side books Pratchett eventually put together, not in a novel.  Honestly, who cares—Granny Weatherwax is such a force of nature that it only takes a few minutes to forget that her name ever could have belonged to anyone but herself.

But Granny Weatherwax is not a discussion for The Light Fantastic.  It’s time to move on to Equal Rites!

* * * * * * * * * *

Side Notes:

This is the book where the Unseen University Librarian is changed into an orangutan.  It happens early on in a magical accident, as the grimoire containing the Eight Great Spells attempts to save Rincewind and the spell trapped in his mind, and he is never reverted to human form.  

He is referenced but does not appear in The Colour of Magic.  

At no point anywhere in the Discworld does he appear in human form.  At no point does he have lines in human language.  He is never named.  At no point is he described as he was prior to this change, except that the orangutan he becomes is initially said to look “like the head librarian,” so presumably he was already a bit orangutan-ish. 

For something as weird as this is, and for something with such long-lasting repercussions, it is treated in the moment as a thing of very little importance—except, of course, that now he has to be paid in bananas.  I find this absolutely delightful.

Tim Curry plays the wizard Trymon in the BBC miniseries The Colour of Magic, which combines The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic.  Trymon only appears in The Light Fantastic in the books, and I can’t read it anymore without picturing Tim Curry in his ridiculous robes and shoes, with his ridiculous overdramatic murder plots, working his way up to the top just to die a ridiculous death.

No, really. Look at this hat.  Look at this goatee.  Only Tim Curry has the acting chops to pull this off.

Death once again appears, and this time we also get to see his house and his daughter, Ysabell!  I can see why it didn’t take long to go from here to Mort: the concept is way too good to leave to little snatches and side appearances.

Krysoprase the troll shows up for the first time in this book.  Later, he’ll be known as Chrysoprase, and will make appearances in several other Discworld novels: Feet of Clay, Wyrd Sisters, and, notably, Thud.  There’s also a troll named Breccia in The Light Fantastic; Breccia will become the name of Chrysoprase’s gang in Ankh-Morpork.

While going through my copy of The Light Fantastic to work on this post, I glanced at the cover and briefly thought I was losing my mind.  At the bottom, there’s a blurb talking about beloved Discworld character “Conan the Barbarian”—but up until that moment I was 100% certain the beloved barbarian on the Disc was named “Cohen.”  Turns out I’m not crazy, it’s just that the literal cover of the book decides to make a reference to the character that Cohen is parodying rather than to Cohen himself.  And this is the 2008 print edition, not an early run or a badly-assembled e-reader edition, which means it’s being released by a professional publishing company a full 22 years after the original novel came out.  It’s not like nobody’s had time to look over the material and do some copy-editing.

* * * * * * * * * *

Favorite Quotes:

“The important thing about having lots of things to remember is that you’ve got to go somewhere afterwards where you can remember them, you see? You’ve got to stop. You haven’t really been anywhere until you’ve got back home.”

“Do you think there’s anything to eat in this forest?” “Yes,” said the wizard bitterly, “us.”

“Not for the first time she reflected that there were many drawbacks to being a swordswoman, not least of which was that men didn't take you seriously until you'd actually killed them, by which time it didn't really matter anyway.”

“Are you a hero, actually?” “Um, no. Not as such. Not at all, really. Even less than that, in fact.”

“What shall we do?’ said Twoflower. ‘Panic?’ said Rincewind hopefully. He always held that panic was the best means of survival; back in the olden days, his theory went, people faced with hungry sabre-toothed tigers could be divided very simply into those who panicked and those who stood there saying ‘What a magnificent brute!’ and ‘Here, pussy.”

[musicislife1396]

This tag was created by Sam @ Thoughts on Tomes and I think it’s great because it gives me the opportunity to rant about stuff, so I’m down.

1. Half of the lights on the Christmas tree are burnt out : Name a book/series/character that started out good but then went downhill

  For this I’m gonna go with  Red Queen  by Victoria Aveyard. I was okay with the first book. I enjoyed it. But then Glass Sword happened. And we all know how that went (if you don’t, then you can check out my rant about it).

2. Annoying Great Aunt Sally who will not leave you alone : Name a book that you didn’t enjoy, but everyone else seems to love so it never goes away

Caraval by Stephanie Garber. I hate it. I hate it so much (I have a rant about that as well) and so many people love it. I know there are people who hate it too, but it was even nominated for the Goodreads Choice Awards… what? What? I just can’t. I’m sorry, but how even? That book is a waste of paper. Trees were killed for nothing printing that.

3. Your pets keep knocking over the Christmas decoration : Name a character that kept messing things up for everyone else (can’t pick a villain!)

The guy from The Wrath and the Dawn. What’s his name? I can’t remember. The childhood friend. He was just in the way. He didn’t really do much in the book and when he did, he messed things up. Just stop it guy. Tariq? I think that was his name.

4. You hear your parents putting out the presents and learn Santa isn’t real: Name a book you were spoiled for

Hmm… I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve really been spoiled for any books. At least not in any major way. Maybe Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince cause I knew about Dumbledore. But I can’t really think of anything else. I’ve been pretty good at avoiding spoilers.

5. It’s freezing outside: Name a main character you just couldn’t connect with

Any of the characters in the Inheritance series. I just could not get them at all. Also the girls from The School for Good and Evil by Soman Chainani. I enjoyed the story. And I even liked the characters, I just didn’t feel very connected to them. Same goes for the eponymous Sabriel by Garth Nix. I enjoyed the book and the characters were good, but they just didn’t click with me.

6. Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ and it’s giving you anti-romantic feelings : Name a couple you couldn’t stand

Scarlett and… whatever his name from Caraval by Stephanie Garber. I hated everything about that book, not least of all the romance.

All the relationships in Stealing Snow by Danielle Paige. Another waste of paper and one of the worst cases of insta-love and love polygons in the history of YA.

Chaol and Celaena from Throne of Glass. I just do not like that couple. I just don’t.

7. That scratchy homemade wool sweater you got for Christmas years ago but won’t get rid of : show some books that have been sitting on your shelves for a while, and you aren’t motivated to read, but you don’t have the heart to get rid of

Oooh boy. I have so many. But I’m a book hoarder. To be fair, a lot of these I didn’t buy and they aren’t strictly speaking mine, so probably once I settle down somewhere for more than one year at a time and decide to move all my books from my parent’s house, I’ll leave some of those behind. But anyway, here are some books that I own and just don’t have any interest in reading (and I will focus on books that I own personally, whether I bought them for myself or received them, but I won’t mention the books that are technically my family’s books, but because I’m the only person in my family who consistently reads, they’re mine).

Inheritance by Christpher Paolini. I’m actually considering donating this, because it’s just taking up space and I’m never going to read it. Ever.

Clancy of the Undertow by Christopher Curie. Again, 0 interest in this book. I won it in a giveaway that I don’t even know why I entered. Probably will end up giving that one away as well.

The Odyssey by Homer. I’ve had this for a couple of years and I just never feel like picking it up. I do want to read it eventually, so I’m going to keep it. But I just have no motivation to read it at the moment.

The Divine Comedy by Dante Aligheri. I’ve read about half of Inferno and I just… can’t. It’s in verse and I can’t focus on it. I want to read them though. Just not now.

Dodger by Terry Pratchett. I’ve read about maybe a third of this book and it was just not what I was expecting it to be so I stopped. I want to read it eventually, cause it was good, but I really don’t feel motivated to at the moment.

I’m going to stop at 5, but there are plenty more.

8. Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer: Name a character death you still are mad about (warn people for spoilers! You can also use TV or movie deaths)

***SPOILERS FOR MISTBORN, SIX OF CROWS, HARRY POTTER, HUNGER GAMES, LORD OF SHADOWS***

I’m mad about a lot of deaths, okay? I’ll put headers for each book/series, so if you haven’t read it and don’t want spoilers, you can skip that paragraph.

MISTBORN

Kelsier. Why? Just why? I’m not over it, I get why he needed to die. But no. I’m so mad.

SIX OF CROWS

Matthias. That was so unnecessary and I am mad. I’m so mad. I can’t cope with it, I yelled at the book and i cried and I just don’t understand why.

HARRY POTTER

Hedwig and Dobby. It’s just not okay. Neither of them deserved to die and just why? A lot of people died in HP and most of them are tragic and heartbreaking but I can’t get over those two. They didn’t need to die.

HUNGER GAMES

My baby Finnick I am so mad. I can’t articulate how mad I am about that. I refuse. In my mind, he’s alive and happy with Annie they have tiny little children and a little fishing cabin.

Cinna. The best side character in YA literature. I can’t handle it. I am wounded.

LORD OF SHADOWS

I’m still mad about Livvy. I could not believe what I was reading. What is Ty going to do without her, I can’t even. My brain reuses to accept it. I feel like the next book will begin with Julian waking up from a nightmare and none of it is true.

Also, I can’t remember what book this was in, but I recently read it and it was this random rider on a horse and the rider did something stupid and the horse was like torn in half and it was so graphic. I suffered. I can’t for the life of me remember what book it was. But I know the MC was watching this scene unravel and I was so mad. Maybe it was Uprooted by Naomi Novik? I don’t know.

9. The malls are overly crowded with holiday shoppers: Name a series that has too many books in it/went on too long

Elemental Assassin series by Jennifer Estep. That series just goes on and on. I don’t even know how many books there are to date, but way too many. At least 15 and with no intention of stopping anytime soon. That series is not that good. It doesn’t need that many books.

Also, I’m sorry but I’m starting to think Throne of Glass should come to an end. I feel like one more book and then that’s it. I kind of think that Tower of Dawn was a bit unnecessary. I mean, I haven’t read it yet, so I can’t say for sure. But I think I would have been happier to just get a conclusion instead of that one. Because Empire of Storms declined in quality compared to the others and I want it to end while it’s still good.

10. The Grinch : Name a main character you HATE (No villians again!)

Mare Barrow from Glass Sword by Victoria Aveyard. I hate her so much, I want her to die and rid the world of her insufferable self-righteousness and self-importance.

Scarlett from Caraval by Stephanie Garber. She’s stupid and hypocritical and I’m just so done with her.

Snow from Stealing Snow by Danielle Paige. Ugh, another stupid, whiny and self-righteous one. I hate her.

These are the ones I really hate. I actually don’t often hate characters. Like, they may annoy me, but then I usually don’t care enough to really hate them. I’m just annoyed, but to mention a few: Lissa and Rose from Vampire Academy, Chaol from ToG, the girl (forgot her name) from The Sin Eater’s Daughter.

The Grinch Book Tag This tag was created by Sam @ Thoughts on Tomes and I think it's great because it gives me the opportunity to rant about stuff, so I'm down.