#he falls back to a lot. its all for a reason! he cant fall apart or be impacted because it was to protect ppl!

[shoezuki]

Gepard is a Silvermane so he must necessarily see corpses, horrors every day, every day n every day, like, he spends 6/7 days of the week on the front so he spends his life seeing dead people n things like that so I was wondering l: Geppie can't be sane, it's not possible ?? Even the most imperturbable woman or man cannot stay sane while living this kind of thing all the time, in my opinion he must have periods of acute depression and lots of nightmares n sleep paralysis, stuff like that idk n he hides it or takes loads of antidepressants

What dya think about it

🤔

ur right ur right like no way gepard is 100% ok. i think he like is very fucked up by all hes experienced and he only seems to have it all together cuz like. its how he copes. he avoids the reality of what hes experienced by putting himself entirely into being the captain and not really acting or living much for himself. i imagine that like. he feels he cant fall apart or be impacted by The Horrors cuz hes The shield of belobog. so he puts himself entirely into that protective role both to ignore his own traumas and justify some of what hes experienced. especially in terms of any time he would doubt cocolia or what they were doing like. he was absolutely dodging the cognitive dissonance by just putting himself into being captain and following orders 'for the greater good'

i hc that outside of his job hes basically a mess. a shell of a man. he cant be outside of his job/title much because he cant sleep at night and he gets stuck in his own head. he struggles with taking care of himself or really doing anything for himself

[animeshotsh]

Chains | Husk x SisOverlord!Reader / Yandere!Alastor x Reader |

Summary: Its been years since you saw your brother...

Warnings: Alastor its a warning himself | Yandere!Alastor | Overlord!Reader | Canon Violence | Grammar Mistakes |

No one expected the doors of the Hotel to burst Open that afternoon. Vaggie was the first to react, being ready to fight whever decided to attack that day (it was becoming something normal).

Charlie on her part was jumping towards the stranger, ready to shake hands and introduce herself.

"Hello! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, im Charlie, whats your na-" Before Charlie could finish two voices sounded in the back.

"(Y/N)?"

"(Y/N) MY DEAR!!"

Husk and Alastor voices echoed in the looby, the only response their got were a set of flashing sharp poker cards being directed at the radio Demon and Husk.

"ITS HAS BEEN 12 YEARS AND THATS ALL YOU GONNA SAY?" You screamed at both men.

Husk looked away, shame over his cat face. Long time ago you two used to rule. The brother and sister duo, the ones who could destroy everyone. That was till Husk destroyed himself, giving his soul to the radio Demon. Leaving you behind.

Alastor was amused by your anger. He knew you hated him, he was the one who took your brothers soul after all. And he never felt remorse because of it, he was almost happy he did it. It was the only way he got to see you, ever if you only showed him hate.

He would take whatever from you.

"Wait...are you Husk's gilfriend?" Charlie still not catching up asked, getting the most bizarre look from you.

"Hell no, im his sister" You responded making the princess blush and apologie too much. "Its fine, I know he does not talk a lot about me"

Charlie could hear the sadness in your voice. She took a moment to see you, and now she saw how similar Husk and you were. Cat face a pair of wings, the colors were different and so were your eyes, but there was something that just connected you two.

"This is (Y/N), The Casino Demon, you bet against her and you lose your Soul" Alastor explained appearing besides you. "She and Husk used to rule together"

"Yeah, well thats in the past now" You responded to Alastor both of you killing each other with your eyes.

The tension was broken by Husk, "why are you here?"

"Im here because you are here and because I want to redeem myself" You responded with your head high, not looking at the obvious smirk from Alastor or the questioning look from Husk.

Charlie quickly took your hand, guiding you towards a desk to check you in, she ramble about the hotel, the guests and things they did in here.

You kind of feel bad for her, you could see her passion but the only reason you were in here was because of Husk. Ever since Alastor took his soul it ended being a game of finding him. Alastor would make Husk's soul appear and since you two were connected as brother and sister you would fly there only to find him gone and a smirking Radio Demon.

But this time, his soul had been in one place for a long time. So you decided to use this chance to be by your brothers side.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

Later that same night you went to the bar, Husk tried to ignore you, cleaning glasses but ended facing you. No one dared to speak first, silent tears fell from your eyes, slowly your hands reached his, his fluffy hair welcoming you.

"I have missed you so much" You said smiling at him. Husk felt his heart break, he knew how Alastor played with you using him. He had tried many times to make you hate him, but you never did. You also never fought Alastor knowing he would use Husk to get you.

"Lets have a drink for the old days"

~☆~☆~☆~☆~

After many drinks you went back to your room. So many years apart...Husk and you had so much to catch on.

"You know you cant have him back"

The radio Demon appear behind you, you ignored him not wanting to fall for his games.

"Not without a deal at least"

"And what would that deal be?" You asked not looking back at the Demon.

In a flash he got closer to you, not touching you but you could feel his breath down your neck.

"Your soul for his, be mine for the eternity and free him" Hell, you could feel the psycho smile and listen the radio laughts.

"Goodnight Alastor"

You left him alone outside your room. Alastor smiled to himself, hands behind his back he started to walk to his own room.

"Just a bit more" he whispered his body turning to his full Demon form.

"Just a bit more to be mine"

[kailoraurelius]

I’ve been crying over “Falling in love with Chloe was an accident.” for the past 10 minutes wtf lmao 😭😭 thats so her I cant

That line alone needs its own story

Beca tried to read the dictionary once, back in elementary school. Her classes were boring and the kids around her were boring and she figured—with the logic of a child—reading the dictionary would mean she knew what everything meant and she'd be smarter and could finish school faster. It was a brilliant, flawless plan.

She didn't even make it through the A's, because reading the dictionary was boring too. Obviously.

But she remembers some of the words she read pretty well. And one in particular has been bugging her for a while now.

Accident—An event that happens by chance or that is without apparent or deliberate cause.

There's other, less cool definitions that pop up when she googles it to make sure she remembers right. But this is the definition that sticks out to her.

A lot of things in her life have happened by accident, she thinks. Accepting her dad's college deal to get him off her back accidentally led to her finishing out her degree. Landing the job in New York accidentally led to her and Jesse breaking up. (There was another, more pressing reason, but they've silently agreed to let this be the story for now.) Not being able to afford the ridiculous rent on her own accidentally led to her having to roommate with Chloe and Amy. And, related, not being able to afford more than a studio apartment, even with the three of them chipping in, accidentally led to her sharing a bed with Chloe. For the foreseeable future.

Which brings everything back around to that more pressing reason for her and Jesse's breakup...

Falling in love with Chloe was an accident. There was Jesse and he was cool. Not a great boyfriend, but a good one. And a great friend. Which felt like a good enough balance back then. It should have worked for her.

But there was also Chloe and she was...everything. Shockingly bold, hopelessly optimistic, and undyingly kind. And beautiful. The kind of beautiful that artists desperately attempt to create. The kind that makes Beca's stomach flutter when it's too close.

Jesse noticed it first. And it wasn't until he flat out said, "You're in love with Chloe" that she was able to fully accept it herself.

Falling in love with Chloe was an accident. Except...she doesn't think it was. Because how can there not be "apparent or deliberate cause" when Chloe is constantly running her fingers along Beca’s forearms just the way she likes or waking her in the mornings by shaking her with soft hands and even softer whispers. Is it "chance" that Chloe always knows exactly how Beca wants the music she makes to be interpreted? Just chance that Chloe can sense Beca's mood without her even speaking?

It can't be, Beca thinks as she sits on the end of their bed, watching Chloe. It's just the two of them, Amy out with Bumper for the evening, and Beca's just staring as Chloe dances around the kitchen while she cooks. She hums and sways her hips to whatever song is stuck in her head today. When it comes time to add the cheese to her pasta, she opens the fridge and pulls out the cheddar. Amy's favorite is cheddar. Chloe's is pepper jack and Beca knows for a fact that there's a bag of it in the fridge, right beside where the cheddar was. The spoon taps gently against the side of the pot, musically, as Chloe stirs with one hand and conducts a silent orchestra with the other.

And that can't all be chance. Can't all be without apparent or deliberate cause. Because Chloe was made to be loved. Designed to draw people in and make them want to build a home in her presence. Everyone falls in love with her, because how could they not? And Beca, in particular, feels targeted. Because it can't be an accident that this girl who is Beca's opposite in so many ways harmonizes with her so perfectly. It just can't be.

And maybe that's why Beca speaks up.

"I love you, you know."

Chloe nearly drops the spoon as she spins around. "What did you say?"

Another time, another version of herself, she may have taken it back. Or turned it into a joke so nothing would get weird or awkward. But right here and now, she's so certain that none of this is happenstance. It was inevitable. "I'm in love with you," Beca says, shrugging. "I have been for forever. And I don't know why the hell I decided to tell you right now, but uh." She shrugs again and stands up.

Chloe hasn't moved from her place at the stove and she watches with wide eyes and trembling hands as Beca crosses the distance between them.

"I don't know, dude. You just..." Awkwardly, Beca motions to the dinner on the stove and the kitchen in general that Chloe has been dancing in for the last hour. "I just wanted to...say it. I guess. And it's totally cool if you—"

Chloe kisses her like she was made to do just that. Her arms wrap around Beca's neck with the kind of ease born of years and years of friendly hugs and maybe cosmic design. And when Beca grabs her hips to pull her in closer, Chloe’s sigh sounds so much like, "Finally".

When Chloe eventually pulls back, it's with a smile Beca knows well. She saw it that day in the showers of Barden, on stages around the world, and almost every morning since they moved in together.

"I'm in love with you too. Totes ridiculously in love." Chloe laughs against her lips as she steals another kiss. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

"You should tell me." Beca grins when Chloe kisses her again for it.

"I will. But first." Chloe winces apologetically as she removes one arm from around Beca's neck and reveals she's still holding the cheese sauce-covered spoon. "I think I just got sauce on your shirt." She tugs Beca to the side to check her back. "Shit, I totally did. I'm sorry!"

Beca just laughs. "It's okay. It was an accident."

[omgwhatchloe]

STUPID MODERN AU HEADCANONS ALERT

-they all have one hideout they stay at after too many of their apartments kept getting raided. its…its chaotic sometimes.

-bill snores so fucking loud and sleeps on the sofas. he DOES have a bed, he just ‘rests’ his eyes during whatever he’s watching, spreads out and snores like hell. its the most infuriating thing, and arthur does not hold back when beating him with a pillow.

-however if it was lenny or one of the girls who’d fallen asleep on the sofa, lets just say hes sneaking back into the house after late night adventures, and he finds them, arthur would absolutely cover them with a blanket or even carry them to bed depending on how tired he was.

-the men of the gang have differing opinions on drugs, strippers, etc. some will absolutely spend their money on that, others will never even consider it. you gotta remember, this is a gang and theyre criminals.

-movie nights are very random as theyre all constantly in and out, doing this and that, but it is nice when a group of them can settle down and watch something. but you know theyre getting interrupted constantly, because lenny thinks that doesnt make sense and johns hungry and sean thinks theyre hot and tilly cant decide if she wants some of the blanket or not and micah’s just walked in and decided the whole ordeal is very gay etc etc

-STREET RACING. sean, lenny, arthur, john, javier, karen, sadie, even abigail all love it, and it miiiight just be one of hosea’s guilty pleasures.

-leopold strauss does not like dutch’s music. imagine, theyre coming back from a job and he rides with dutch and hosea, who plays ‘old classics’ because dutch thinks thats what theyre into. cut to strauss staring longingly out of the window, watching arthurs car with the roof down and pitbull up. he is a very unhappy old man in that moment. he does NOT WANT to listen to big iron, HE WANTS TIMBER!!

-booktok is lenny’s biggest opp. he likes the classics and to wander around bookshops (sean trailing behind him and picking up random books on weeds and fitness to offer him because he doesnt actually know what theyre about) looking for his own books to read and get his own opinion on.

-sean can read, but does struggle with dyslexia and still dislikes books for this reason. he doesnt mind being read too, but feels overwhelmed and gets upset with himself when actually attempting to read.

-mary-beth loves to watch tv in her room only to fall asleep with it on, causing susan to poke her head around the door and yell at her to turn it off at like 3am. but trust me, the girls seen everything. every dating show, reality show, drama, documentary, she has seen it! she also has teddys/stuffed animals!!

-john never grew out of enjoying sleepovers, but thankfully neither did javier. they’d always get drunk and high together, do dumb shit, snuggle only to deny they did in the morning, and get yelled at to shut up. of course, john’d eventually get to have a sleepover every night with abigail, but he feels like its just not the same…

-charles WILL go to sleep in your car and you cant stop him. arthur finds it cute tho.

-the cupboards do not have snacks because everyone is too possessive over what they want and just keep it in their rooms.

-a lot of the time only a few people are having stew, since the rest are off getting fast food or just not eating.

-sean misses ireland so much, homesickness is a big problem for him (to the point he may actually be sick from upsetting himself so much) and he wishes him and his da never had to leave donegal. though obviously he struggles with booking flights and decides to just not do it instead of asking for help. for a perfect birthday present, lenny booked a trip for them!!

-seans da is not dead!! though he lives quite far from where the gang are staying (different state, not back in ireland) and sean misses him more than he likes to admit. the little irishboy loves to sit in his da’s house with a cup of tea, stealing all the biscuits and yapping on. he used to like to bring lenny too, when they were closer (in distance, not relationship)and his da decided he liked lenny more than sean, joking ofc.

[bazooka-overkill]

i cant stop drinking oil i just cant stop /ref

I CANT STOP DRAWING THESE.... GHRRRRR THESE GAY PEOPLE!!11!1!!!! explodes

erm sum headshots + explanations as to how they r during contender mode, TD, and when sandman wins his title back (2009 wii version btw......,,)

also again im still trying to figure out how 2 draw everyone so sandman might look odd lmao

the headshots themselves:

more info under cut cuz theres a lot of info

contender mode:

clementine 🍊

after working with sandman for over a decade, he's EXTREMELY confident that sandman will keep his title; he'll only lose it when he retires.

however, after seeing that star punch... he may have some doubts. but that's okay.

paperwork has been a steady stream and never ending, but that's the usual. sponsorships have been interested in little mac vs sandman, and clementine is happy to entertain the idea of more media attention.

he's excited to see his champ win another round. plus, he's got his two week vacation soon. woohoo!

sandman ⏳

he's been at the top for years. there's no one that can bring him down.

he's heard of the little guy— what was his name? little mac?— running through the circuits. he was at bald bull so far, and that fight was scheduled for next week.

sandman's not really worried. he has been training more often, just in case. clementine's been helping out a bit with that.

TD:

clementine 🍊

well, shit. there goes his vacation.

sponsorships are pulling in and out, the media somehow found out where he lives, and there's so much happening that clementine thinks he's going crazy.

clementine thought he had imagined sandman's haircut.

he hasn't slept in god knows how long; the paperwork wormed its way into when he's supposed to sleep.

and, shit, the time he ISN'T at work is spent falling back into old habits.

he's *trying* to get a meeting with sandman to discuss what the hell happened during that match, but he isn't answering any of his calls or texts.

no one has seen him, but clementine knows where he is: training.

he'll go down to where he thinks sandman is in a minute. just... he needs to lay down first.

sandman ⏳

livid doesn't cover half of how pissed he is.

he fucked up badly. lost the title he held for however long he had.

now look at him: a mess. a tired, bloody-knuckled mess.

he hasn't slept, hasn't eaten, hasn't been anywhere but his apartment and the gym.

he needs to train. even if his knuckles are bleeding, even if his body aches, even if his phone is blowing up with texts and calls and whatever else.

sandman wants his title back. that's *his* title.

fuck the sponsorships.

fuck the cameras.

fuck the money.

he's the world champ.

title won back:

clementine 🍊

he's seen a lot in his career, but a real life speedrun of a boxing career? never.

in just under a year, clementine watched someone absolutely pummel the competition, become the champion, and then retire.

while clementine was absolutely thrilled that sandman got his title back, he was worried. very worried.

knowing sandman's anger problems, especially seeing the building he broke, clementine recommended— forced— sandman into therapy. the last thing he wanted for him was his license being suspended due to anger issues in the ring.

clementine put himself back in therapy as well. surprisingly, the WVBA actually accepted both of them going into therapy. go figure.

paperwork has slowed down, but it's still there. the media is still harassing him, but that's normal.

all that matters is that sandman is fine.

and that his fuck ass haircut is gone.

sandman ⏳

the once familiar weight of the belt feels... odd.

his title is back in his hands before.

sure, his record was now 31-1, but maybe that's the reason why he feels weird.

yeah. that's why. no other reason.

no... other reason.

just focus on protecting his title from now on.

me working on this:

[excalibur-gone-missing]

Paring: Dino x fem!reader

Requested: no

Genre: angst, fluff

Warning(s): cheating, angst, sadness, mentions of pregnancy (do inform me if there's more)

Summary: You were the light guiding Chan for the most of his life. now that you are not there anymore, he cant help but feel your absence as he reminisces his past and all those times you were there to ground him no matter what.

Word count: 6k

Other works

disclaimer: this is not the exact representation of the subjects in real life. I just use them for my inspiration.

special thanks to @spamgyu for helping me out 😭

a/n: I would greatly appreciate it if all of you could take a moment to comment on this fic. As an author, I find great value in your feedback, as it allows me to better comprehend my readers, and I thoroughly enjoy interacting with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcome, so don't hesitate to talk about this fic or send me an ask.

[permanent taglist] [only for those interested, don’t fill the form otherwise]

Chan's life was determined before he had a chance to consider it. His family wasn't well-off. They struggled from early on to get food on their plates. He knew from when he was a child that he had to support his siblings because his parents refused to do so.

So that’s exactly what he did. He got into SNU with a full scholarship, secured a good job, and built a stable life with six figures coming in annually to his bank account, providing enough money to support his siblings’ dreams.

But what did it all get him?

Nothing!

He sacrificed his teens and his twenties because his father felt the need to be a raging alcoholic, and now he stands in the middle of Gangnam in his beautiful flat with its polished floors. But he lacks the most important thing in life: happiness.

To be truthful, he lacks a lot of things, but happiness takes the cake. If someone asks him, he lacks friends too. But our dearest Boo Seungkwan would like to disagree about that. In Chan’s defense, friends are absolutely not equal to friend (just a difference of ‘s’, as our dear ‘Kwanie’ said. Plus, his multiple personalities make up for the said lack of ’s’, which further raises the question as to why the man does not go for a checkup, as it seems he has self-diagnosed DID. We shall never know).

Chan is happy about his brothers doing what they like, though. It’s not that hard to not be happy when he literally raised them. Sacrifices need to be made, he has realized; some just make more than others, and there is nothing one can do about that. He accepts that he is indeed grateful for the friend he has made, the one who has stayed with him and accepted him as he is.

Now, it may sound sappy, and Chan swears he will never tell this to Seungkwan, but he has indeed helped him through the thick and thin of life. All those late-night drinking sessions and ugly crying have brought him to this stage in life where he thinks of the boy as more of a family than anyone else. He helped him when Chan’s life was falling apart, and he also was there to scold him back to the right track when no one believed in him, not even himself.

Although he lacks happiness, he is fine with that (he at least has Boo Seungkwan). He can live with being sad; he already has!

This is where you came in, the reason for Chan’s genuine smiles, from back in college to five years ago. It was a pretty serious relationship that you both had. Chan loved you. He had plans of making you his wife. For God’s sake, he was in a relationship with you for almost ten years! But somewhere along the way, he messed up. He became the exact thing he had hated all his life.

He became a person like his father.

You, being the nice kind, tried your best to stop him from spiraling down the rabbit hole of bad habits. But alas, it takes two to tango, and if he didn’t want to be better, no one, not even God himself, could do it for him.

It took losing you to realize how messed up his life had become.

--

“Chan, I’m heading out. Dinner’s in the fridge—please actually eat it this time. We don’t need two meal skippers in this household,” you quipped, watching as Chan chuckled and gave you a quick giggle inducing peck before returned his attention to the document he’d been typing for the past hour.

“Sure thing, Your Majesty. Your command shall be dutifully followed!” he exclaimed with a mock salute, drawing out another laugh from you. With a playful ruffle of his hair and another peck on his cheek, you left the apartment to begin your night shift at the hospital.

Chan, unlike you, has just started his new job after completing his MBA. It’s been tough, but he’s persevered, and soon enough, you both will be able to enjoy the luxuries he could only dream of growing up.

Your fifth anniversary is approaching faster than ever, and now Chan finally has the means to fulfill your dream of a trip to Europe. The pressure of this new job is more than the last one, but getting those tickets would be a walk in the park now.

Quickly finishing his document and mailing it to the head of the department, he immediately goes to check those flight ticket prices and hotel prices. He releases a happy sigh the minute he realizes that it’s exactly what he had expected the prices to be. So, without wasting a single moment, he buys those tickets. He knew this gift would make you happier than ever.

The next month, you had been notified about the expensive purchase only because you had to get a leave from your job, and you obviously can’t disappear for two weeks unannounced. He, in reality, had no plans to inform you about anything, but he couldn’t interfere with your job either.

But at the end it was worth it, the look on your face the minute you were informed about the trip. Oh, if only Chan could frame it and keep it away from the world, only if he could keep you near him and never let you go. But he didn’t think of that then. No, he was happy he had told you earlier.

The happiness radiating off you as you kept going on and on about the clothes you needed to buy, all the foods you were going to try once there. It was what helped him keep going throughout the day, even though the work became tiring with every passing minute.

If only he could have stopped time and lived in that moment forever.

—

One thing he never realized is how demanding his job would be once he got into a higher position. The calls kept him up at night; they came at the most ungodly of times, and Chan was expected to pick them up, because he always did.

You never complained; it was fine by you. If anyone understood him, it was you. Both of you had highly demanding jobs, and nothing could beat the expectations your colleagues had on you both.

But what he had not counted on was those calls interrupting your trip. During the entirety of your anniversary, he was glued to that phone of his, never once able to leave it. It was one problem at the office or the other.

Again, you kept your mouth shut, enjoying your own company as your boyfriend busied himself with work in the hotel room.

That was the last trip you both had gone on. You figured that it was too much to ask from someone who had so much work to do. But still, you understood his hunger to do better in life. You understood that someone had to compromise in the relationship and wholeheartedly accepted that it had to be you.

Coming to think of it, it was not supposed to be like this. Never! Both of you were supposed to communicate and figure out what your relationship was supposed to mean. But somewhere along the line, it just became regular sex and nothing else. When you talked about this with your friends, all of them had the same reaction.

‘Leave him!’ they had told you, ‘he wouldn’t change, he prefers his job more than you.’

It was a regular thing now. But you were scared. All the years you had invested in the relationship, you never wanted it to become what it had. You had held out hope that one day Chan would notice you. He would realize he had a girlfriend who also needs his attention as much as his job.

It didn’t take too long for those dreams to come true, though.

—

One night, you sat down with the man, asking him about the changes in his life. You begged him to look your way beyond the times he made love to you. It was an intense conversation, filled with words that neither of you actually meant, but hurt you both equally.

That night brought you both another few years, or that’s what you think. It became better, both your lives and the relationship. You both would talk more, spend time with each other, laugh with each other, and go about your days with lovesick smiles on your faces. Although none of your jobs became less hectic, it still was as painstaking as ever, but the scenery in your shared home was peaceful. It was both of your comfort zones.

What neither of you realized, this peace that you both had brought back into your lives, was fickle. In order to keep it like that, both of you had to put in some effort.

—

It slowly became visible to both of you how much more effort this relation of yours needed. Both of you saw the way your paradise was crumbling down bit by bit. Nights became lonely for you. Chan, being the perfectionist he is, would be stuck up in his office until the rays of sun hit the glass windows, reminding him of the fact that he indeed had stayed the night in his office. The hectic job took everything away from him. It stripped him of his identity, and slowly it was also stripping his happiness and sanity away. It was like the darker times had hit both of you again.

It was then that he suddenly passed out on the streets due to extreme fatigue and was brought immediately into the nearest hospital, which was the one you worked at. Lo and behold, you were the nurse on emergency room duty that day. This was the first time you saw the love of your life in that state; you saw what this new job had done to him. How it had taken this happy and healthy person you knew and turned him into this sick, unhappy, and overworked person. Your helplessness mocked you in your face. At night, you stayed by his side after the doctors had given their verdict about him being too overworked. You took care of him like never before, making sure to make him take an ample amount of rest.

Sadly, the industry is ruthless. As soon as the employers became aware that their once highly valuable employee’s usefulness had diminished, they ultimately opted to terminate him. Although Chan claims there were some more internal politics involved in this sacking, there was no way he could have evaded it.

Both of you soon realized it was the best thing that could have happened to him. While being the worst experience he could ever go through in his corporate career.

You stayed by his side through every hurdle though. You never once let him feel the need to be more than what he already was. But life was giving both of you a hard time.

It took Chan another month to get a new job. But only this time, it was a better, more important position in a better company. This is when life took off for both of you again. With Chan back on track, equipped with the newfound knowledge of not working more than necessary, he was on a roll. Almost unstoppable.

This change also affected your relationship, but positively this time. Chan and you would go on constant dates and enjoy each other’s company way more than ever.

—

It was nearing your seventh anniversary. Both of you had talked about getting married and starting a family enough times for him to know this was the perfect time for him to propose.

So, on the day of your seventh anniversary, he had planned to take you to this fancy Italian place. He claimed that you deserved only the best. No one could ever argue with him about that. You, along with Seungkwan, had been by his side for so long that he had forgotten the time when he didn’t have you both. Nothing, absolutely nothing, would change that fact. With that it brought him to the most important question of that year.

“But what ring do I buy her?” the stressed boy asked his best friend.

“Wow, I wasn’t informed about the fact that y/n suddenly had become my girlfriend!” Seungkwan exclaimed sassily.

“Dude, you can calm down. She is still my girl, ain’t no way you are getting her. Find a girl of your own,” the shorter boy retorted back.

Why am I being asked about her preference for a ring then, huh?”

“Because she said, and I quote, ‘if you buy me an expensive engagement ring that I can’t even wear out because it looks too expensive, I will castrate you’,” Chan said seriously, bringing out a seal-like laugh from the back of Seungkwan’s throat.

“Do something meaningful for her then, you dumb fuck,” making Chan almost cringe at the scolding. Without letting the boy talk, his best friend continued, “Put in some effort and do something that shows you care, without having to spend a copious amount of money. I have no idea what you should do, but bro, if it were up to me, a girl would for sure get a ring no matter what!”

Now, this made him think. It made him think hard. But even after all that thinking, he couldn’t come up with a good idea for an alternative for an engagement ring.

It was not until the next Saturday when he was sitting on the couch waiting for you to choose a movie for the weekly movie night, did he stumble upon the perfect idea for a ring? Like any usual person, the man was scrolling through TikTok when he found out that one could make rings out of clay.

Perfect!

If you didn’t want a diamond ring, you shall get a clay ring. For you might catch the sun lacking one day, but not Chan, never Chan!

—

This kick-started the learner phase of Chan’s life once again. He would visit the pottery classes every week because he needed to excel at the art to mold the perfect ring. One suitable for daily wear and also because this hobby brought him more peace than ever.

He made some friends here; they were fun to hang out with. You had met all these new people flooding into his life. He would parade about the with his hand on you showing you off proudly.

“Who wouldn’t?” he would ask whenever someone pointed it out. This question had the power to make him start ranting about you at any given point. So much so that after a point, people stopped asking him about you, no matter the context.

Because, oh boy, was he in love.

--

It took him one year and some friendships to finally complete learning everything there was to learn about pottery. In the course of that time, he had littered your shared house with his creations.

Oh, you wanted to buy a new bowl because you saw it on Instagram? No fear, Chan shall make it this instant. Oops, your favorite coffee mug broke? Chan has come to your rescue with a better, scientifically cute, usable, and overall better mug for you.

The creative spark of the boy never dimmed down, nor did his extroverted nature. Every other day, he would be out with his new friends, so much so that even Boo Seungkwan noticed. You both had chats with each other about the changes in Chan’s life over a cup of tea whenever Seungkwan would come over.

To say that you both were happy about him enjoying life would be an understatement. You had seen the pain the man had gone through in his life. It only made sense for him to have the best of the best experiences when he had the opportunities.

But again, as people say, one should do everything in moderation. It seems that Chan could do nothing in moderation. He would work himself half to death. In this case too, he started drinking and partying himself half to death. The outings that were done to unwind after a long hard day became parties that were making the day even longer.

The friends that helped him overcome the pressuring environment of his office became the ones who would pressure him to go way out of his comfort zone, all for the wrong reasons. People say twenties are times when people experiment with their life and gain new experiences.

The same was applicable for Chan too, the only difference being he was learning different ways of spiraling down holes that are hard to climb up from. The hilarious part being, these were the holes that he had carefully dug out himself.

It’s not like you never stopped him, because you did. The minute you realized these new friends were pushing Chan’s limits in the wrong way, you didn’t waste a second to tell him.

“I think you should calm down with this partying and stuff. It’s unbelievably bad for your health,” you had told him one night when he had come home drunk out of his wits.

“I know how to have fun, not my fault you don’t!”

The boy had shouted at you before collapsing on the couch. Realizing it was a waste of time to even try and talk to him in this state, you tried again the next day when he was far more sober.

“Do you remember what happened yesterday?” you ask Chan, to which he shakes his still-hungover head and winces. Sighing, you continue, “Chan, you can’t let them get to you like this. Moderation is the key here. Please don’t overdo anything, I beg you!” You hugged him, trying to coax him to understand where you were coming from. He obviously hugged you back and promised you to keep your advice in mind the next time they asked him out.

He didn’t. He swears he tried to. But the peer pressure got to him. Before he could even back off, they had already hauled his ass to the bar. He never wanted to disappoint you. So he chose to accept the most coherent plan his drunk mind could formulate: the plan to lie to you.

—

Your seventh anniversary had come and gone a year ago. The only gifts he could provide you that day were a fancy dinner and a solid promise that he would indeed get you the greatest ring you will have ever seen in your whole life. Now the time had come. The time to prove his skills. Those skills he spent an entire year honing.

During this cute date at home, he produced a small wooden box from his pocket. After you had enjoyed the homemade meal he had whipped up for you and you both were cuddling on the balcony, he proposed to you with stars in his eyes and hope in his heart.

He shocked you with the ring. Like your relationship, it was delicate, yet made with lots of love and care. You obviously said yes without hesitation. After all, you loved this man, and he loved you too. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could ever go wrong if he was with you.

--

It seems that no matter how hard you try, life always seems to have other plans for you.

The month right after you accepted his proposal, you received an invitation for a two-year-long workshop in Germany. Such opportunities don’t come every day, so you were elated.

Without wasting any time, you called Chan, informing him about the opportunity you had received. But like every coin, this great opportunity had its drawbacks too.

With the prospect of studying and learning under some of the greatest doctors and nurses came the hardship of leaving your fiancé behind. Chan didn’t like this one bit. He could barely stand to be away from you for a second, let alone two years.

But seeing the excitement on your face and hearing the joy in your voice, he couldn’t bring himself to ask you to stay back. He knew you had sacrificed a lot for him, compromised at times when you could have been happy if he hadn’t made decisions that ruined his life.

--

So he put on a happy smile and told you that if you didn’t take this opportunity, he would pack your bags himself and kick you out of the house. This assurance gave you the confidence you needed. Without wasting any time, you sent an email accepting the proposition to join the workshop.

The next five months passed in a whim. During this time, he had asked you to marry him before you went away, but with a peaceful and determined smile, you had told him, “I will marry you once I come back, like that, we won’t have to spend too much time as newlyweds. Plus, I will be smarter than you too.”

“You are always smarter than me. I can never surpass you,” was the answer you had received, along with a sweet kiss, making your heart swell like a balloon.

Life was starting to feel better again.

Chan had finally made his boundaries very clear. The boy felt extremely guilty for lying to you, though he never confessed to you about doing so. He made sure his actions proved his redemption. He ensured to let these new friends of his know that going out too much with them was affecting him in ways that he didn’t appreciate. Although they did sometimes win against him and force him to go out, it was not as bad as it was before.

—

Soon the day came when you had to fly away to Germany. To say that Chan was sad would be an understatement. He was devastated when he saw you off at the airport with Seungkwan. He had cried the whole way home, making Seungkwan scold him as if he were a baby.

“Now if you keep behaving like this, do you think she would be happy?” the older boy questioned him.

“No, but I miss her already,” Chan replied in a whisper while wiping his tears harshly.

“Be nice, be happy for her. You can talk to her all the time. It’s not the Stone Age,” Seungkwan said with an exasperated sigh, making the younger one stop his sad boy antics at once.

But it was not like Chan was okay. He started working overtime at the office, desperately waiting for you to call him when you got free. And call you did, religiously at six o’clock in the evening.

You both made the decision to talk at that time, regardless of any circumstances. This went on for six months. He tried his best to follow the routine of overworking himself before you would call and save him from killing himself with work.

But with all these works, his willpower also started to crumble down. The old ways came back to him. Before he realized it, he became a party animal. He made new friends at these clubs and bars he started frequenting. He thought you wouldn’t pick up. But you did. You saw how your boyfriend was slowly changing. It was not that obvious at first, but slowly you realized he was getting drowned with work.

Being the lovely girlfriend you were, you asked Seungkwan to take care of him. The boy tried his best to do so. But alas, he was not that successful.

It seemed to both of you that Chan had spiraled back into his overworking session. What you both were unaware of was that it was more than that.

Chan was not just overworking; he was over-drinking and over partying too.

—

One faithful night; he met Eva, his pottery class instructor. She was pretty. They talked the whole night, catching up like old buddies and having fun.

She brought a change to his life again. She started being there for him during times when he would lose himself. She was a great friend, so great that in no time you had the chance to meet her.

You had come back for a week’s vacation. Seungkwan thought it was important for all the friends to meet up because it had been a long time since he had seen you. This meeting was supposed to consist of only you, Chan, and Seungkwan. But Chan asked to bring in another friend he would like you to meet. It was Eva.

You liked her; she was nice. You wanted to be friends with her. Her sweet personality was something no one could resist, a great example of a sweetheart through and through.

For once, you were actually proud of your boyfriend’s choices in life. Your visit was over even before it had started. Suddenly, the week was over, and you were packing your bags to return to Germany.

This time, Chan was not as scared of things going downhill anymore. He knew that within a few more months, you would come back, and he could happily start the wedding preparations. He also knew he had a solid group of friends to have his back. Most importantly, he had learned the art of living without you. Not that it was happy, but now he could enjoy spending time by himself.

—

Time flew faster than ever. In no time, it was Chan’s birthday. Your program would finish that same month, so sadly you couldn’t visit him. All you could do was video call him that morning and congratulate him for hitting thirty before you, to which he grumpily replied, “Your birthday is in six months; I’m gonna make it hell for you.”

“Whatever, old man, get dressed. Don’t you have a job to go to?” You laughed at his grumpy face while teasing him even more.

“I miss you,” Chan suddenly called out, pouting.

“You will meet me next month, Channie. Don’t be this sad now.” Although that did make him happy, the thought of spending yet another birthday without you was saddening. But it’s not like it was going to last. You would be back in no time.

That thought put a smile on his face. Soon enough, he was skipping around the house cooking breakfast and answering numerous calls from his friends and family for being a thirty-year-old now.

Seungkwan and Eva had also planned a not-so-surprise party for him. It consisted of meeting in front of his office and dragging his ass to the bar to drink and have fun. Although the day was spent slaving away in front of the computer, that night he had a lot of fun. He talked to Seungkwan and Eva for hours, and the three of them were pretty intoxicated when they left.

The only thing he remembered from that night was the fact that Eva, being the one out of the three with the most alcohol tolerance, was the one who had made sure that all of them returned home safely.

There was just one slight problem. Eva started to avoid him. Now, in any other situation, he would not have noticed it, but the text the next morning asking him if he remembered anything from the night before had him confused. When he asked her what it was all about, she refused to answer him, opting to ignore him instead.

He had no recollection of the night before, and Seungkwan didn’t either, so it was a mystery to both of them. But then again, his gut told him the problem was bigger than what he thought it was and might come to haunt him if not solved now.

So he did the most sane thing he could think of: He asked her to talk to him about it. He knew the wedding preparations would start the minute you came back, so he wanted to make sure to fix any problem that might affect you both before it blasted out of proportion.

—

“You kissed me,” was the first thing Eva told him after sitting down, making Chan’s heart drop to his stomach.

“Huh, but I don’t remember anything,” Chan retorted.

“It’s not about you remembering or not, it really happened, Chan, and I hate it,” she said, her voice almost breaking.

“Hey, calm down. We were both intoxicated, and we didn’t do it on purpose. Any other time and we wouldn’t have done it,” this seemed to have little to no effect on improving the girl’s mood.

On the other hand, Chan’s blood pressure was rising. The last thing he needed was a big mistake from which he could never turn back. With you coming back from Germany in less than a week, he needed everything in his life to be sorted out, especially something that could jeopardize a relationship with so much love in it.

“Chan, I think I like you. I’m not sure when it happened, or how it did. But I like you. So please don’t tell me I wouldn’t have done it if we weren’t intoxicated.”

The impact of this statement was so immense that it completely shattered his world, leaving him in disarray. It was true that he liked Eva. What kind of feelings he actually held for her was a mystery to him.

So, in the spur of the moment, he kissed her.

Just a few minutes ago, it was bothering him, but once he took the step, he didn’t feel what he was supposed to. He didn’t feel the disgust and hatred towards himself he should have. It felt like sneaking out of his house when he was not supposed to. It made a rush of excitement run through his body. He could feel the adrenaline rush through him.

He felt alive. maybe it was the feeling of doing something forbidden or it was something else, he didn’t know.

But, that night, they did more than kissing.

—

Once you were back, it was all sunshine and rainbows in the first few weeks. You both were happy, spending all your time together and having fun relishing in each other’s presence.

But it didn’t take you long to notice the changes. He would be stuck late at the office but come back home surprisingly lively, or those random texts from his brother late at night asking him to come over, or even the most obvious of them all, the vibrant smell of floral perfume that you never wear.

But you held out. You had promised to give him a chance to explain himself if he came clean to you. But that day never came. You asked him about these odd behaviors, but somehow he would always evade the topic altogether.

All those questions of ‘where were you last night’, ‘when will you come home’, or ‘shall we go on a date sometime soon’, all went unanswered.

He outright ignored your presence at home. But this didn’t stop the wedding preparations. Because his siblings and your parents alike loved him, they had taken the responsibility to take care of the wedding plans.

Before he could continue with his little escapades, Seungkwan caught and confronted him. Not by you but by Seungkwan. The older boy’s disappointment was beyond words. He screamed at him for an hour straight and then he had sat Chan down and calmly said,

“Either you tell her or I will.”

“But I can’t; she will leave me if I ever tell her.”

“Then she will be right in doing so.”

“Chan, I love you to death, but either you stop this and tell your girlfriend the whole truth, or I will take matters into my own hands. She has put up with enough of your shit. Don’t hurt her more,” he had said.

“Give me some time; I will do it as soon as possible,” the younger one had strained out, fisting his hair.

“She better know about it all before the wedding,” Seungkwan had warned him before seeing himself out.

—

Chan had cut off Eva after that. He tried to change everything before actually marrying you. Then, being the kind person you are, you tried to understand your boyfriend. You really did. But this was the first time in ten years you considered leaving him.

This relationship didn’t make you happy anymore. But you had gone through so many troubles together. The effort to hold each other upright was taking a toll on you.

But you were a fighter. You had fought many battles with him by your side. You couldn’t give up on those years either. Your internal dilemma was killing you. But all of this came to a halt one day when you had come back from your night shift, only to find your boyfriend and the girl he oh so diligently claimed to be his good friend, talking in the living room.

It was not like they were trying to be quiet because you could hear every single word spoken by them.

“Chan, it’s yours.”

“Eva, I have a fiancé. I will never leave her. I already told you, I love her.”

“Oh, so you didn’t think about that before fucking me”

“It was a mistake”, Chan shouted.

“No, it wasn’t, we both were very sober”, came another shout

The conversation hit you like a truck, and with each sentence, you felt your heart shattering. The decision suddenly seemed a bit too easy to make.

You walked out of the chaos, leaving the ring behind on the shoe rack. That night, you stayed at your friend’s place.

Following that event, you called Seungkwan, informing him that you won’t talk to Chan anymore. He simply asked if you wanted any help moving out, to which you answered with a simple no.

That was the end of the relationship for you. You refused to talk or see Chan ever again.

—

Now, five years later, Chan is to be married again. Not with you; no, he missed his chance. It's with Eva. They figured the best way to raise Minhan was to be together. In a county like theirs, it wasn’t the best idea to raise a kid with two unmarried parents.

Chan loved Minhan to death. But he could never show the same love for Eva. Looking at her reminded him of the mistakes he made in life. It reminded him of the happiness he could have attained, but he lost due to his own faults.

He is happy Seungkwan is still beside him. He knows he doesn’t deserve a friend like him, so the fact that Seungkwan stayed beside him makes him feel grateful.

He knew that his wife and child would move in with him soon, but he didn’t have the courage to let them into the house yet. The house that held both your memories was a bit too precious to let go of so easily.

The next day came faster than he anticipated. As Chan stood there waiting for his bride, he saw a face that he had been longing to see for the last five years.

He saw your face, sitting there on the benches, a sad smile adorning your face. Your eyes filled with emotions and stories of the years you had spent together.

Oh, how badly Chan wanted to abandon everything and run to you. Apologize a hundred times and ask you to take him back. But he couldn’t; he had children to take care of and shoes to fill.

As he stood there saying his vows, hoping it’s you he saw walking down the aisle and it’s you he kissed, but they are called dreams for a reason. And not all dreams come true.

As he kissed his bride, he saw a glimpse of your teary eyes amongst the crowd, and a tear of his own fell. Wishing for a future he was never destined to have.

the end

[sakotisssss]

ranking of yugotalia ships?

im gonna do the most common ones + some rare pares

serbcro

sorry so basic but it’s just too good. they both are just so toxic it actually ends up working. they match each other’s freak but not in a good way. but it’s very interesting and i like thinking about how different their dynamic would be at different points of history. its different than serbbos because there isnt a clear power dynamic and i think they are both equally fucked up but in different ways. they dislike each other, but partily because they're way more similar than you'd think. to both of their dismay, they can understand each other in ways no one else can. this is only if its done right, i dont wanna see drazen as the twink and vuk as super manly. thats just not them.

2. serbmace

this is the only serbia ship (and general yugo ship) i dont see as insanely toxic. i think it would only be a short time thing, probably during the balkan wars before ww1 but generally they have good relations and i think vuk would enjoy being the protector and mace being protected. but i also think she's the only one that can make him shut up. its just so cute, both of them having like a small crush on each other throughout time and i think they'd work well.

3. croslo/serbmonte

im putting them in the same catagory because i feel kind of the same way about both of them. i think these are two ships that historically would work great, with cro and slo growing up together and monte always kind of wanting to be "one" with serbia. however, i feel both monte and slo are just fed up with the two of them in the modern day and do not get along at all. but the reason its not higher up is because i feel like this works better as a sort of sibling type of relationship rather than romantic. a lot of the times monte and slo cant stand serb/cro but at the end of the day they grew up together and both cro and serb kind of consider them their only genuine friend. still one of my favorite dynamics to read about

4.

sloserb

this ship is hilarious i support it. i lowkey feel the same about bosslo

4. bosherze

okay unpopular opinion, i know i know. i really do like the ship, i think its really cute especially in ottoman times with enis trying to constantly rizz up idriza and eventually her falling for him. i like how he's overly affectionate and she secretly loves it. he def wants to be the protector but idriza really is. but WOW is this ship toxic, especially in modern day, and in a more tragic way. the fact that they really dont like each other nowdays just doesnt sit right with me, and the bad beef between them is quite recent and personal. its intresting tho, two people that were forced together and ended up falling for each other only to be torn apart 30 years ago and now back to really disliking the other but still forced to be together. its genuinaly tragic, but i think its probably the ship that is the funniest. the scenerios of them make me laugh so hard, this ship is like a black comedy. both of them deserve better as enis just hasnt really been ever treated right and idriza literally has to run the entire house and gets no credit for it (ofc she's bitter). fr its the parents that should have divorced a long time ago.

5. monteherz

@danidandandadididan put me on to this and im obsessed. they would be such a better match, but history just didnt let that happen. sad.

6. montemace

ehhhh

7. monteslo

tall masc guy with tiny twink. boring and overdone. next.

8. crobos

no, would not work. they literally cant go two seconds without backstabbing each othe and its just ehhh. their friendship is really funny though

9. serbos

no, just no. unlike serbcro, where they've both traumatized each other, serbos is just a complete power imbalence. they have a lot of bad blood, and unlike serbcro have always been on oppisite sides. this is just vuk traumatizing enis. not a fan from a historical or a ship perspective. it just icks me out.

[effieandtim]

i don't think hawk jumped at going back home with lucy bc he doesn't love tim enough, i think it's clear that it's in part fear, that he would finally have to confront the reality of his marriage, and his sexuality to an extent, and that his marriage of 30 years is falling apart, even if they didn't love each other like that (or at least hawk didn't love lucy romantically) they still got along well enough and went through a lot together, and he's trying hard to keep his grasp on that life and stop it from changing. and probably with tim dying, he wants subconsciously to hold on to his ~other life as much as he can, to not lose that as well. i think that they decided not to have him say i love you to tim indicates that hawk was still repressing that part of himself in the 80s, even after tim died, until the quilt scene. he was clearly not ready at all to part with that life and embrace the other side of himself.

apologies i wasnt able to answer this earlier

yeah i agree - i think hawk was going through a lot of stuff, he was losing the man he loved and there was clear guilt about everything that happened plus fear of not only losing tim, but also the cracks that were forming in his previous life

one scene that makes it so clear is that shot of marcus saying in ep 8, ‘still bulletproof’ - hawk’s expression was almost said ‘not really’

so yeah there was definitely fear bc he could see and probably knew his life was changing and one thing that we’ve seen throughout the series is that hawk isnt the best at change. i think it scares him bc it’s something he cant control and its unpredictable. and a man like him who has so much to hide, unpredictability in his life is something he probably tries to avoid at all times

i do think that the reason why he didnt say i love you to tim at the gala is bc he wasnt ready - he had just kissed a man in public for the first time, and not just any man - it was the man he loved. but embracing that part of yourself isn’t something that happens at the click of your fingers - it takes time and unfortunately in hawk and tim’s case, it was too late

i think it still ate at him later on - the fact that he didnt tell tim he loved him - the feeling that tim didnt know hawk loved him must have plagued him to no end. but he must have felt all of this not necessarily immediately after leaving the gala, but probably at a time when he was ready to acknowledge the truth himself

and I think thats the real tragedy of hawk, that he has to continue living a truthful life in whatever capacity (and not necessarily as boldly as tim/frankie/marcus do and thats okay) but without tim beside him - kinda similar to how tim did without hawk

[seefasters]

spektor anon writing back: I have a lot of favorite eps that i dont watch often cus theyre too intense or i want to give them my full attention, so the ones i return to usually are to idly listen to while formatting reports or doing artwork that is essentially mindless (I watched a significant chunk of MASH while doing inking on a very detailed 24ish page comic) idk what logic motivates what eps i tend to rewatch. Usually I like to return to ones that I feel have a lot of good monologues, conversations, or pranks. good character moments. ensemble eps. tbh thats most of them tho? I suppose anything with Flagg or Sidney I will return to again and again cus they're so goddamn funny

"carry on, hawkeye" is rlly good but has a later season equivalent that I like to rewatch a lot for a lot of reasons, although I know I just said that I sometimes avoid more intense ones: Bless You Hawkeye. obviously a flagship moment for Alan Alda's acting and for Sidney's character on the show, and a precursor to a lot of the conflicts and themes of GFA but the big thing for me that makes it comforting is just seeing everyone take Hawk's issue very seriously, prioritizing it and trying to be very proactive about it. part of the draw of mash is that they pretty much are always falling apart and never seem to have the capacity to take care of eachother the way they should- they lack resources, theyre in a constant state of life-or-death-overwork, they are flawed people: I don't think its a mistake that that level of care is lacking often, but its rlly comforting to see everyone willing and able to pretty much set aside all other responsibilities and just exclusively focus on someones needs for once. Shout out in particular to that moment in Potter's office when everyone crowds around him and physically holds him up- it looks like a renaissance painting and it made me cry like a little bitch when i first saw it. I think everyone wants that a little bit- to be given support like that when they all apart. I cant watch it while doing other things but ill put it on if im sick or feeling rlly low cus its cathartic. Other big ones off the top of my head that I rewatch casually for me are: -the bus (an all time favorite have a lot of thoughts on it) -An eye for a tooth (bj, hawk, and margaret <3) -rally around the flagg (i love it when flagg thinks ppl are communists) -Are you now margaret (flagg again! pranks! I like the idea that margaret had friends whose politics were less odiously "hooray america" than hers- maybe they can all reconnect and re-radicalize her after the war. Also shout out to a reckoning with how serious sa stuff is re: margaret. I cried in anger seeing it, it was very satisfying that the narrative framing took it seriously for once. since then ive cooled off and can just enjoy ppl protecting margaret. shout out to klinger in particular hes a real one and i like the closet bit) -run for the money (rlly good ep for everyone but of course charles in particular. rlly nice to see him in that light) -i forget the name but the ep when trap boxes ("HAWKeYe THIS GUY PUNCHeS JeePS")

idk the big recurring thing seems to be Mulcahey and Margaret spotlight episodes and anything with sidney and flagg.

hi spektor anon!!! i'm sorry it took me so long to answer 😭

flagg and sidney episodes are also ones i return to pretty frequently, but i feel like i need to be in a certain mood to watch a flagg episode (idk why lol)

bless you hawkeye is SUCH a fascinating choice to me because it's one of the episodes i tend to avoid due to how intense it is. the way you describe it is so sweet though, it is a really kind episode in that regard, the way they're all concerned about hawkeye is very comforting (and he deserves it lol)

those are all really great episodes too! run for the money is especially fun to me, i love a mulcahy-centric episode (especially when it gives him a good conflict. not necessarily true for run for the money specifically but for others)

[quodekash]

im exhausted and could very easily pass out at any point in time, but it’s our skyy and it’s 11:30pm so here we go again

(because I’m so exhausted my commentary will very much be either very incoherent or there won’t be much of it at all)

theyre so cute omg

AYO THAT WAS UNSETTLING

IM SO USED TO HEARING THE ICONIC WOMAN SAY 'viewer discretion advised'

IT WAS WEIRD TO HEAR SOMEONE ELSE SAY THAT, JEEZ

maybe not QUITE like you love him, i think you'd get jealous

I FREAKING KNEW IT

DID I NOT CALL IT??

I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING BETWEEN THEM, HUZZAH I AM A GENIUS

does this mean phum also likes men?

cos if so... my man had a lot of internalised homophobia going on, jeez

its okay, you dont need to come out to anyone at any point in time ever. but telling nueng took some real guts, that was really brave of you, and im proud of you

WU AND DAVID

WU AND THE-ONE-WHITE-GUY

I LOVE THEM

im pretty sure i cried when he proposed to him

it makes me happy to know they remember them

EJRHDFBKV

ITS ALREADY WORKINGGGG

EYE CONTACT LETS GOOO

am i about to cry? are my eyes welling up with tears this very moment as i type this? we may never know.

but the answer is yes

AAAAAAA

THEY MADE IT TO 7 FREAKING HELL YES

THEYRE SO EXCITED FOR THEM

to the surprise of literally no one, i am quickly becoming more obsessed with the side couple than i am with the main characters

AWWWW

theyre back now yayyyy

my bro now has ✨visual impairment✨

but... if he's his ancestor... then petch had sex with a woman?

i guess they had to

as long as they were together and happy tho, it's alright

and as long as the woman/women were aware that like. the guys didnt love them like that.

HOLY QUACK

HELL YES

FREAKING HELL YES

THEY ARE WONDERFUL

THEY ARE PERFECTION

THEY ARE HAPPY

I AM OFFICIALLY OBSESSED WITH THE SIDE COUPLE

everyone act surprised

the letters are so cute

WHAT THE HELL FLASHBACKS???

IM CRYING AGAIN

i aspire to one day have a hawaiian shirt collection as plentiful as palm's

THEY HUG

THEY KISS

THEY FOREHEAD TOUCH

i strongly believe that forehead touching is more intimate than kissing and i will die on this hill

but. why. life in modern times is just generally better for literally at least two reasons that i can think of off the top of my head (shut up its nearly 1am im not thinking properly rn) 1. gay tights, 2. health

i meant to say gay rights but honestly gay tights is also a plus

so theres three reasons

1. gay rights

2. health

3. gay tights

OHHH, THAT ONE

YOU WANNA ENEMIES TO LOVERS YOURSELVES??

thats it. that's the only reason.

palm, you astound and confuse me (in a good way)

wHY

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO TO WAR

WAR IS BAD FOR AT LEAST 6 REASONS

1. death

2. sad

3. i think lots of dead bodies are probably bad for the environment

4. none of the wars in the past are cool. id wanna see a war like 50 years into the future, what if there's like space lasers or something

maybe i should just watch star wars instead of time travelling

5. killing people makes you feel like a mean person

6. picture this scenario: you really want a snack, your favourite snack, whatever your favourite snack is, you're just really craving it. but you cant have it, because you're fiGHTING IN A FREAKING WAR

GERIKJDBF

i was right

IM FALLING APART AT THE SEAMS

AND NOW THEYRE PLAYING IT IN THE BACKGROUND AGAIN???

I AM DEAD. DECEASED.

THAT WAS FREAKING LOVELY

hey, you were just here!

^D^ i am excited for simm

my final thoughts: GUJERKDNGREJKVDBNREUJDFLGHNEOIRLHGPI34EHRNGP9O34EJTPGOJ34ERPOTGJ3P4IERHTG9P34HEJ9TGFH34EI0RHOTGF893UOWB4E0TIOFHJ3490WEIHGUVIBERNDGOIVHEROIDSUFJ390I4OWEHCUOBJREFDNICGOBVPREIODFN

thank you and goodnight

[fairlyxlocal]

long genesis headcanon post -- in the form of discord messages, so these are basically notes.

there's talk about prion disease!

also an immune system disorder. this is a bit more vague and was speculation based on how i think his body would respond to the jenova cells making his body deteriorate. lots of speculation! and just... how things at least have gone on my blog. i know i could include a lot more, and this does fall into an interest of mine so i'm sure there'll be more.

i do not think his friends would have the slightest fucking clue as to what's going on and were likely lied to. like. no they're not gonna know that his has a brain disease, that his body is falling apart & attacking itself. and they're not going to be told that. they were DEFINITELY not told about how genesis was nudged into finding answers for himself. angeal probably lives with a sense of guilt bc he did hurt genesis, and it was pretty bad (which allegedly triggered the body falling apart thing, but shhhh ive changed so much anyway shhh) its a fucking mess. as far as ange and seph are told, gen just…. went off the deep end. left them. abandoned them.

gen's not in a mental state to tell anyone what's going on. it's all happening so fast, the mako and the jenova cells are fighting to keep him functional + somewhat alive but its a fucking disaster. i think like. it progresses prett rapidly (for how they typically would), even with mako and jenova cells in mind. then the fact that he's getting roughed up REAL fucking good like. doesn't help. his body cant really fight off infection/patch up injuries. like. hoo. so ofc he dies.

so genesis dies as a traitor. the villian. someone who abandoned his friends with no reason. who did these awful things for no reason whatsoever.

and when he comes back… he can't talk about it. how do you even begin to talk about that shit show. why talk about it? it changes nothing. he still did those things. he can't even tell them about the flesh eating demon thing, so why would he tell them about the fact that he was dying and his body was doing things that couldn't be stopped? nothing would be changed.

his brain deteriorating is the result of a prion disease. CJD specifically. it genuinely just. happened. very unexpected given his age, and the news was not broken to him gently. it's hard to handle being told you only have a year left to live. being treated like a failure. mocked (maybe not actually mocked jut that's how it feels). Genesis lucks out in anyway. he dies in a few months (three?). i don't have a full timeline established and I'm side eyeing how fast stuff happens in games. I'll get there. his body is also. deteriorating but that is for sure because of the jenova cells. HOWEVER I'm thinking it's a bit of like. his body is attacking itself and the jenova cells. that would've been enough to kill him.

[11:23 PM]so. genesis was always going to die.

[11:23 PM]his immune system becomes virtually nonexistent, blah blah blah

[micamone]

the thing about liking an almost 30 year old show is I'm not sure as much about what went on behind the scenes. and a significant part of that is how awesome it was that the fans were just more separate from creators then, like there was no social media and junk for us to to badger them on about things. but the from their side there wasnt a place they could just dump shit on us for fun. things were told through dvd commentaries and magazines published back then or panels and stuff at conventions or even TV specials and those are all very... ephemeral. like I'm sure its all recorded somewhere but it takes a little more digging and hoping fan websites have the info. and thats doable I'm not asking anyone to help me with that btw i just havent done it yet cause i wanna get thru the show first or I'll have one billion spoilers from not being able to stop reading.

but i think the biggest thing for me rn on stargate is, again i watched atlantis first. and that started in and branched off of like season 8 of sg1. so i know a lot about The Ancients, since they were a big player in SGA, and every time something tangenally related to them comes up in SG1 i get super excited and wave my arms and jump up and down for Daniels attention cause i want him to discover Atlantis so bad. im so excited for him and oh god he has his earpods in he cant hear me-

anyways. connecting these two points..... i have to wonder watching things progress how much they planned ahead. how much did they set up like "... yeah we'll decide to make something of that later" and how much of it was "oh dude the fans are gonna FLIP when we make this reveal in two seasons" you know????? i can listen to stuff about gravity falls when hirch and co talk about how they had no idea where they were going. they were like "well he has a twin somewhere. for some reason. and hes..... well hes there." and they literally came up with the everything on the fly. and then even in Gargoyles, which is old like stargate too, i read apparently the writers called each other once like "WAIT HEY THIS CHARACTER FROM THE VERY BEGINNING FIRST EPISODE? HOLY SHIT WHAT IF HE WAS THIS GUY-" sort of twist like.... way into the show lol

was that what was going on with The Ancients? and their whole..... ascended business? Orlin in this episode was very interesting cause i definitely recognized Oma D from a while back as an ancient, so i was glad Sam compared Orlin to her, but this was the first time theyre REALLY like "yup, that monk and myths of the jaffa werent just talk. this ascension biz is for real and a bigger deal than you thought" BUT! they still havent really connected it to the ancients. at all. i dont think daniel even said the writing on the machine Orlin helped build was ancient, and it didn't look like it, but then like.... Orlin also just said he was Human.

and was that true? WAS he human? humans can ascended, sure. but he also made a freakin stargate. in sam's basement. (Obadiah Stane voice) WITH A BUNCH OF SCRAPS!

... he already was the cause of death for people he cared about once for giving away too much information, i wouldnt be surprised if he lied about being human. but also wouldnt be surprised if the writers were like..... unsure and didnt care cause it doesnt matter lmao they were just vibing. you know. idk im sure Orlin and even Oma will get brought up AGAIN later, im only in the beginnings of season 5 after all and know some spoilers that the ascension thing ans ancients become a big deal later but. yeah its just interesting. i like picking apart creators minds for their stories and its just not possible in the same way on such an old show. even if i could ask them, they'd be having to recall through decades of memories that change as they have over the years. and that provides an interesting color on things as well but... its not the same as knowing what they were thinking back then.

[golbrocklovely]

when we’re talking about the 2016 rn (refering to anon) i wonder why he didnt have serious relationship since 2016? was that relationship SO serious to him that he didnt want to be with someone else or anything? Its actually kinda sad to see this tbh, because that means it really hurt him somehow.

Also im so sorry his grandpa died, i can imagine, my grandma almost died because of sickness and i cant imagine lost her absolutely. hope that man will be okay soon, hope he knows people are here for him💜.

(this is a bit of an older ask, from a couple days ago)

sorry for the delayed response :)

with colby's past serious relationship, it's hard to tell what happened or how things played out bc he mostly keeps that info to himself; which is totally understandable. he's let slip some things, like how he was very needy and depended on her a lot and how he wanted to be with her all the time and overall - he was just too much.

the worse thing he's ever said about her is that she was a bit flaky, and in reality he only implied it. he's mostly blamed himself for things falling apart or that it was just draining to be that in love with someone.

this is all my assumption, so take what i say with a grain of salt. i'm just basing my opinion off of things he's said and also a lot of old tweets from back in the day (some of which have been outright deleted but i saved lol): i think he fell madly in love with this girl, and just depended on her too much. i think he came across as needy and clingy, and she pulled back. she didn't love him as much as he loved her, and then eventually things ended. and he spent the next year just being heartbroken and trying to move on. then by 2018, he tried dating again (and by that i mean putting himself out there, not really having any serious relationships), and it went south once again. and he became bitter to love and dating and everything else. which is why he said the infamous quote of "all the girls in la suck". and i think only recently has he "tried" to dip his toes back into actual dating, and not just hooking up. but even then, he's not really trying.

i think his past relationship really hurt him. bc, while i don't think he wanted to marry this girl, i think that's how much love he had for her. hence why he said in his deep q&a "i only want to fall in love that deeply again with someone like my wife". i don't think he wanted to marry her, but i think he saw a future with her when she didn't feel the same way. and when they broke up, her reasonings tied with his past self esteem issues, it all just became a lot for him to process. i mean, he only recently just started to like being by himself and alone alone (ie solo vacations). respectfully, he has a lot of dependence issues. i don't know if that's bc he doesn't feel like he's enough, or if it's something else entirely. but it's clear that he's been hurt a lot in his life, and it effects the way he goes into relationships.

and i'm in the same boat as him lol

i hope in the near future he allows himself to open up to ppl. i know it's hard, but holding that area of his life back and blaming it on work or whatever other issue is never gonna fix what happened. you also can't allow your heart to grow dark. i think he has a lot of love to give, and he shouldn't hide that in fear of getting hurt.

as for his grandfather, he seems to be a bit better now (according to what he posted yesterday), so that's good. obviously the initial shock is a lot. so i hope he eventually goes home to see family and is around them for love and support.

and i pray that next year is nicer to him.

[ankhisms]

rambling under the cut im fine dw

me: i need to stop always being so deeply afraid of people hating me or annoyed with me. people are allowed to dislike me for whatever reason, people are allowed to be annoyed by me, people are allowed to feel whatever they feel towards me and theres nothing i can do to control their feelings, nor should i want to control their feelings. i should just allow myself to exist and whoever likes me likes me and whoever doesnt doesnt and thats fine. i have to stop being so worried its tearing me apart.

me five minutes later: gotta go back to my job in the worried about if people hate me mines

my paranoia really frustrates me and i know the source of a lot of this is from a lifetime of being abused and neglected and harrassed and it doesnt help that i know its not just my paranoia when it comes to my abuser- i know for a fact that he does in fact want me dead and regularly would stalk my old blog and either send me himself or have his friends send very specific threats with details only he would know. so its the kind of thing where its hard to dismiss the paranoia by saying its not grounded in reality because i know he very much does want to finish what he started.

but besides that it can be really easy for me to fall into obsessive spiraling when i try to calmly talk to myself about this, like i tell myself that i should stop worrying about if people hate me and should just focus on being myself and being kind to others and doing whatever i can to help people and learn about the world and the people in it and listen to other people and be compassionate while not tolerating bigotry, but when my brain simpilifies this by saying "we should just try to be a good person" it starts to do morality spiraling like ok what does it mean to be a good person?

i cant just say well im a good person/i want to be a good person and pat myself on the back and call it a day thats not how it works, just like how kindness is a choice and is one we must continue to choose every day. i dont want to hurt anyone but i also dont want to fall apart and make everything about me/victimize myself if i did somehow hurt someone or did something wrong. but then theres also the fact that ive been punished all my life for just existing and have been painfully forced into masking and trying to seem ""normal"" and punished even further when im unable to mask or when i need help or have a meltdown etc etc so its very difficult to tell myself that i need to just allow myself to exist and be myself because im used to 25 years of being punished for that yknow.

my mind is getting fuzzy now but being a person is so weird and difficult and every day i feel more like im some kind of creature whos trying and failing to seem human. in the end i just want everyone to be okay and safe and to live comfortably and to be able to thrive and be respected and supported but at the same time i never apply that same thinking to myself, i still internally agree with my abuser and all the adults/my peers who told me i deserved pain and to be mistreated and could never have anything good and could never want anything. im working hard on challenging that thinking but its hard. anyway thanks if you read all this im fine i promise i just need to ignore my brain spiraling and distraxt myself

[toastyliltoasts]

Accompanied (Blaza x Reader)

Today wasnt the worst day , per se , but it wasnt the best either .. You woke up 20 minutes late , So you skipped breakfast .. You got ready for work while shoving a peice of toast into your mouth , munching also being a quite difficult task when you're trying to change into casual work clothing ..

You raced down the stairs of your apartment building when you bump into someone .. Well , You didnt have time to pick up all your stuff let alone take a proper look at the figure .. You scrambled to pick up your , scattered , stuff from the ground , The stranger helped you with steady motions .. "Thank you so much .. Im really sorry by the way" You said  with a smile as you finally looked at the person .. You didnt notice much as he wore a weirdly cute face mask that covered half his face .. "Its fine honestly" He said as he smiled (Which is obviously covered by the mask) .. You awkwardly let out a bye and ran off ..

You almost miss your bus as you manage to make it without a second to spare .. You sat down on a window seat as you watched the raindrops race , quite childishly might I add .. Your peripheral vision caught people moving around and some even sitting next to you .. But you didnt even think to pay them attention for some reason .. You gaze outside the window , the same sceneries you've seen for the past few years or so .. So undoubtedly , The boring view- well, bored you as your eyes start feeling droopy ..

So that led to you missing your stop and getting off the bus , muttering a small 'thank you' to the driver , at a couple stops ahead from your original stop .. You tried to hail a cab and drove all the way there , completely anxious ..

You reached work 35 minutes late .. But to your absolute luck , You boss was also late and you got off scot-free .. Well , You still had to do the work that you delayed by 35 minutes so not exactly scott free .. So you made a mental note to never fall asleep on the bus ever again .. It might've even scarred you for life ..

You reach home absolutely wasted and dropped on your couch like some heavy , lifeless limbs .. You re-adjust yourself to find a better , comfortable way to sit but that's next to impossible due to the stuffiness of your couch .. You debate if whether or not you should go to your spot *A/N : You crackheads , Get. Your. Head. Out. De. Gutter lmao* ..

Aah , Your favorite spot .. Living in an incredibly small apartment apparently has it own perks .. The rooftop of the apartment building was something you accidentally stumbled upon all those years ago .. It had a spectacular view of the whole city especially  at night with the artificial lights providing a calm aesthetic .. It was also isolated , Making it the perfect place for some time alone when having a bad day .. For example ; Today ..

You decide to just wing it and open your balcony door which leads to the spiraling staircase *A/N : Just imagine the stairs from Spider Man lol* .. You climb it like muscle memory .. To be honest *A/N : Pun absolutely intended* , It might as well be since moving into a new place is-  difficult to say the least .. So to say that you spend a lot of time there would be an understatement ..

You absent-mindedly reach the highest floor as you step on the cement block placed to provide some stability without difficulty .. You walk over to the edge of the building which was surrounded by waist-high walls ..

You gape as you see a figure sitting at your normal spot .. You didnt want to sound selfish because the building wasn't and wont ever be yours, but you cant help but feel a bit of anger with confusion because well , You've certainly been there more than them .. Because-

The person turns towards you , Obviously alerted by your footsteps and startled .. You see a strangely familiar guy with fluffy , dirty blonde hair and piercing eyes .. You swear you've seen him before .. You think back to last week to possibly remember if you've seen him before but you come up empty handed ..

"Uh hi" A deep voice drags you out of your thoughts as you look at him sending you a nervous smile .. Then it hits you like a train that he was the person you met earlier today at  the stairs .. "You're not here to mug me or possibly kill me are you ?" He jokes as you laugh/giggle/(whatever youre comfortable with cuz u rock <3) .. "Nah im not intrested in that" You say playing along while still having a huge smile on your face .. "Im broke as hell so you probab- OH have I taken your spot ? Im so sorry if I have" He says , already getting up , as sudden realisation hit him .. "Its fine honestly" You say mirroring his words he said prior to you .. He grins .. "Im Blaza" He introduces himself as he sheepishly rubs the nape of his neck .. "(Y/N)" You reply , smiling yourself .. "You can stay here if you want" You assure him ..

"Ill take you up on that offer"

°•°•°•°•°•°

You two sit down on the edge of the building , parallel to the streets and the other side of the building .. You talk for hours about , everything to be honest .. You learn that he's new to the neighborhood so you do the honor of filling him on what information you need to have about living here .. He seems grateful as you two talk like old friends who havent seen eachother in a long time .. You flail your arms around when explaining some things and use other  dramatic gestures to back up your point .. He finds you amusing and you , vice versa .. After the talk dies down , You start to gaze at the stars and try to make shapes out of certain constellations .. And emphasis on 'try' ..

"That looks like an among us character" "Ha ha very funny .. Its 2023 , Get some new jokes" "Oh cmonnn .. You have to admit it was funny" "Do I look impressed to you ? You can do bette- OoOO That ones a monkey" "It kinda does look like one , doesnt it ?" "That ones a crown .. You see that ?"

As it hit almost midnight you two exchange numbers while your heart pounded .. Get your crap together .. You're barely friends .. And you two bid eachother goodbye as you heart flutters ..

°•°•°•°•°•°

Hehehehheheh ..

Wattpad literally deleted my draft mid-writing so I wrote this AGAIN .. See my dedication folks ?

[bringmoresorrows]

Life Update

It's been a long time since I posted a life update. Lots of new things has happened in my life especially since i haven't updated in a year. Last year, I got myself into a situationship with this guy I became really close to really quickly and broke up with my ex of 4 years. We were dating from 2018-2022. Wow. A lot of things happened between my ex and I thankfully nothing traumatizing between us but we were falling out of love a year before the break up. As it got closer and closer to the end, I felt nothing to my ex. I was sick of how my ex constantly made me feel guilty for being myself. Plus my ex was transphobic and homophobic. Theres reasons for it as she came out as trans after we broke up. She never wanted to go out on dates with me, we stayed in the house and she didn't want to get to know my friend until like the week before we broke up. We had an apartment for a week and a half last April because the landlord said it was okay that we had the ferret then last minute they pulled back saying "nah get rid of the ferret" so we left. But it took a lot of me arguing with her for her to stand up to the landlord as my name wasn't on the lease, her name was. After that, anything i felt towards her was gone. I moved in with my parents in July and that was when my situationship with my friend started.

My heart was broken around September/October and I quickly moved onto someone new. But in between, I had no place to live aside form my parents couch and all my stuff was in storage. I even lost my ferret. My ex kept her. I got promoted to manager at my workplace and got a 2% pay increase which landed me at $20/hr where I was working 34-36 hrs a week and towards the holiday season after working 40-42 hrs a week. So I was bringing home a lot of money and had zero bills. I started building up my savings and come October, I moved in with two of my friends.

October was an interesting month last year, we had no furniture and we couldn't afford anything as we just dumped our savings into this place. It's a three bedroom apartment with 1.5 bathrooms. We have an in house washer and dryer and a dishwasher. It was awesome! We have so much space. The friend group kept making plans at my place and a few things led to another and that situationship friend and I broke things off. Mid october, I started talking to this guy over instagram. And we started hitting it off a lot. Turns out, my guy roommate and him are *best friends* so for our halloween party, he came on over! He lives a few boroughs away so its a 3 hour travel to his place and a 3 hour travel to mine. So 6 hrs total. So he came over the 30th and left November 1st. I got so drunk on the 31st and stuff happened between us before we were dating which is kinda another first for me as we just met in person for the first time. But the first time I did stuff with someone I wasn't dating was the situationship.

Come november, we start dating. Our relationship has been a bit rocky as we jumped into a new relationship and I was very much still hurt over the situationship and didn't want to admit it til a few months back. Plus living on my own has only amped up my mental health issues. I started my ed habits back up hard and lost 20 lbs in 2 months. I gained half of that back but its been hard.

January comes around and my ex tells me she cant house our ferret anymore so I was given the ferret <3. Bless.

February comes and my ferret gets very sick, throwing up for three days straight so we take her to the emergency vet and it helped her out a bunch <3

March comes and my mental health takes a worse turn.

April I have zero memories, In may my birthday happens. It was awesome! The friend group and I plus my bf + my sister go mini golfing! June nothing isolated. July: my internet friend from norway comes to visit and wow did it hit the roof. One thing led to another and they guilt trip me hard and gaslight me into thinking *i'm the crazy one* and I wind up having a severe mental break down where I attempted suicide. I also left the friend group. A day later my boyfriend calls me and gives me an ultimatum and tells me really harsh things to me which led me to crying for days and crying through a whole work shift (8 hours)

August comes and my depression is so severe, I wind up reaching out to a therapist and my pcp to start medication. Ella, my ferret, also has some more health issues showing up. Her tail has been losing fur for some time and her ears are getting backed up with ear wax. She wound up getting diagnosed with Adrenal Gland Disease. ;-;.

September; this month; comes around and therapy has been working and so has the meds. My relationship with my partner is getting a lot better and Ella is doing good too. She got her implant for Adrenal Disease this month. I've just been really tired ngl. Like very tired. But my house is getting decorated for halloween and its great!

Things are going really well for me and the people I used to miss I dont miss anymore. They didn't want me in their life then so be it. That's their problems. There was someone I named dropped a long time ago but I dont miss you anymore. You left my life and made it clear you never gave a fuck about me and only yourself. Goodbye to you. And to the other friends that bridges were burned, fuck it. I let go of it. I need to focus on myself and grow.

Next year around this time I will be moving in with my boyfriend and away from this borough where everyone knows each other. It will be rough to be in a more city based area. Its still a bit suburban but its very much on top of each other. I'm excited for it. I'm excited for the future that I'm going to have. I'm excited for the future with out the things that are holding me back.