#he either pushes her away or has to physically look away bc he cannot watch

[blush-and-books]

just harvey not being able to handle when donna cries.

4x15, "Intent" // 6x16, "Character and Fitness"

[skoulsons]

“oh baby girl”

this scene is so… I cannot watch it, any part of it, without getting choked up. Their story never fails to get me. Baby girl was a coined term. Sarah’s coined term. By him. His daughter. The most important person in his life. It was her nickname. And we only hear him say it once, but we know how special it is to the both of them. Probably called her it the second he held her for the first time. It holds weight and emotion and depth. That word is one of the last things he has as a connection to Sarah. Besides his watch or the cut on his nose.

And so here comes winter. He and Ellie are stuck with each other. I believe Fall and Joel taking Ellie back from Tommy above Jackson is *their* point. The point of Joel saying he’s going through with this completely and that, once they reach the fireflies, they aren’t going their separate ways. He’s going all in. He’s risking getting attached. He’s letting himself have this second chance at fatherhood.

And so they go through fall for and winter and Joel gets injured and Ellie meets David and Joel wakes up and…Ellie’s gone. Who even knows what he remembers. If the last thing was him getting stabbed through the abdomen with rebar, or if he had a moment in this old, cold house basement where he was aware. Either way, Ellie is gone. Maybe she’s out getting food or scrounging for supplies. Maybe she’s tending to Callus. Maybe she’s just sitting upstairs on a couch to be a little comfier. But, obviously, those are all shut down when Joel starts taking fire. And so he runs through this town, roughly stitched up, probably starving, thirsty, and hasn’t properly moved or stretched in who knows how long, trying to find Ellie. Because now, something’s happened to her.

And so he runs through this town and tortures and brutally kills men to find her. And eventually he finds her in a burning restaurant, kneeling over a man and hacking his face off with a machete. He runs over and pulls her off the man and tries to comfort her and Ellie immediately starts pushing him away (mini headcanon plug. Definitely believe prior to this, he’s comforted her with a hug. It just…I don’t know. Him repeating “it’s me” just gives me that feeling. Also the fact that my love language is physical touch and will find a way to say they hugged at x point in the game whenever I can bc I love hugs ☹️ also the fact that he just hugs her so easily and has his head against her head and how she just falls in to his shoulder and-). He desperately tries to get to get her to look at him and she’s using as much strength as she has left to push him away because she thinks he’s one of them. And so eventually he grabs her face and makes sure that she sees him. She sees who it is and knows that she’s safe. And immediately she collapses in to him and he brings her as close as he can.

He doesn’t know what happened. He doesn’t know why she was slicing this guy up with a machete, why she’s sobbing, why she’s fighting against him so hard, why there were so many men outside trying to keep Joel away. But he can guess. He did find meat ledgers and people (it was people right???) hanging upside down. He at least knew a little of what they were all about.

And so he calls her babygirl. That term that was Sarah exclusive? Ellie has become that now. That new daughter. That thing that kept him fighting. Is keeping him fighting. The person who gave him a second chance at fatherhood after it got cut so short. The most important person in his life now. All he knows right now is she’s hurting and scared. Something happened here. And while Joel would probably love to continue to beat this already very dead man to a place even further than death, she matters first. Their safety, her safety, matter more.

And when they get out, he’s gentler. More soft spoken. After closing herself off more due to trauma, he opens up more. Maybe to try and get her to open a bit and get her back to the spunky Ellie she used to be. Which is a bit of helpless hoping (get it) on his part, but he has to try. He tells her he’ll teach her guitar because it’s something he thinks she’ll like. A piece of dialogue I always found interesting is when she tells him about her dream about the plane crash. He says “why don’t you tell me about it?”(I think, could have that a bit wrong). Way earlier on in their trip, guarantee he would not have cared about this or what she had to say. But her talking about this dream could’ve been the most she talked in a week. Or more.

I totally forgot where I was going with this at ALL. It’s 2am when I’m writing this which means it’s joelellie depression hours which means USELESS rambling and overthinking their scenes and their relationship and everything about them because my hyperfixation over them won’t leave me alone and I’m nearly incapable of not thinking or talking or associating anything and everything with them. Props if anyone got through, this has been sitting in my drafts for 3 months and I didn’t check it at all so if it’s terrible grammatically, I apologize 😭

[tennessoui]

29 G.A.t.W. AU - The C.W.s start 2yrs early bc of Galactic Law EVERY Natborn in the GAR MUST be 18yr old. Obi-Wan is forced to leave behind his young Padawan. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.. Without the Masters being able to be there physically they have to start training programs to help the Pawadans. Every Master now has to teach certain subjects. Anakin finally sees a mind healer & finds inner peaces without the Council breathing down his neck. The Temple Locked Down so No Sith Influenc

so this is a beautiful ask and beautiful future and i followed it like i follow my google maps directions which means maybe 30% of the way but i was watching lord of the rings and thinkin about braids so here is this and i'm very sorry it's what it is

29. Going Away To War AU (Tatooine slave culture, 17!Anakin, preslash/Anakin's pining, mullet!Obi-Wan)(2.3k)

The Padawan braid isn’t the first braid Anakin learns about. It’s not even the fiftieth. By the time Qui-Gon Jinn, Queen Amidala, and Obi-Wan Kenobi land on Tatooine, Anakin is well-versed in the language of braids and what each means. He hadn’t had any of his own yet, seeing as how he was only nine with no accomplishments or triumphs or romantic entanglements to advertise, but if he had stayed on Tatooine, he’d probably have gotten his first braid after he won the podrace.

HIs mother would have done it with gentle hands and a proud smile, and their neighbors would have gathered outside their door to try and be the first one to congratulate him.

Braids are important. They’re sacred. Their style and the beads woven through the strands signify everything important to know about the Tatooinian wearing them. He’d see the freed people’s braids in the marketplace and burn with envy. He’d see a blushing girl braid her lover’s obsidian into his hair to signify courtship, and know one day he’d do the same to someone else. He’d practice his braids until his hands hurt from the motion, wanting to be perfect at it before he’d need to know. After all, as a slave, there wouldn’t be much else he could offer them except beautiful braids and beads.

There is only one braid he doesn’t know the meaning of, and it’s the one that hung down Obi-Wan Kenobi’s shoulder when they first met.

He thinks about asking him, even though it might be considered rude, but before he can, they’re at the Jedi Temple, then on Naboo and then Master Jinn is dead and Obi-Wan’s braid is gone, and Anakin thinks, oh. So the braid means love.

Mourners on Tatooine cut the braids off their dead and then a single braid from their own head, to mean that a part of themselves has died as well. Obi-Wan tries to be extra nice to Obi-Wan after that.

That is, until the man approaches Anakin with a serrated knife and a rueful grin and tells him that because the Council has allowed him to take him as his padawan, it’s time for Anakin to have the Padawan haircut.

The fit Anakin throws at these words could probably be heard back on Tatooine, but his new master must be made of the same strength Lukka crafts the sandstorms from, because an hour later, Anakin is looking at his shorn locks on the floor in a state of horrified shock.

Obi-Wan kneels down at his side as he begins braiding together the lone strand of hair Anakin has been allowed to keep.

“I’m sorry,” his master says quietly. “I know that your hair is very important to you on Tatooine.”

“How will I practice my braids now?” Anakin asks despondently. If he is to have short hair until he’s Obi-Wan’s age (ancient), then he won’t ever be able to practice the courtship braids. The engagement braids. The marriage braids. All the other ones too. Do the Jedi just present their beloveds with sloppy braids?

The thought has him near tears.

Obi-Wan looks very panicked. “Please don’t cry,” he begs. “Jedi apprentices shouldn’t cry.”

Anakin’s vision becomes even more blurred at this. Now he’ll never be able to practice his braids and he’s a bad Jedi.

“Oh blast, that’s not what I meant,” Obi-Wan backtracks, hesitantly putting his hand on Anakin’s shoulder. It’s not very comforting, but it’s the best Anakin has so he resolves to make do and lean into the touch. “Well. You can, uh. You can braid my hair?”

Anakin sniffles. “Your hair is short. And ugly.”

His master laughs and ruffles Anakin’s own short hair. “I’ll grow it out, just for you if it’s that important to you.”

He would? Anakin looks up at him hopefully. That could work. It even makes sense, kind of, for Obi-Wan to let Anakin braid his hair. After all, Anakin’s going to be wearing Obi-Wan’s braid, even though he doesn’t love him yet.

Maybe the Jedi do things differently. Maybe the Jedi weave the braid, and the love comes later.

---

“I remember a young boy telling me my hair was ugly,” his master says consideringly, as he lets himself be pushed to the floor while Anakin clambers onto the bed behind him.

“You bring that up every time, Master,” he sighs as he strokes his hands through Obi-Wan’s admittedly beautiful mane of hair. It’s not as long as he’d like, not really, but it doesn at least go down to his shoulders. “I don’t know how many times you want me to apologize.”

“Oh, just once more,” his master smiles with his voice. Anakin will miss this. Anakin doesn’t know how he’ll live without it, without Obi-Wan’s quiet wit and wry humor, his willingness to indulge Anakin no, even if it’s been eight years of braid-practicing.

“Once more might be all we have time for, Master,” Anakin whispers. His fears are not the sort one can say loudly.

“Do not think like that,” Obi-Wan turns his head to the side just enough so that he can look up at Anakin. “It will be fine. I will be fine.” “You’d be better if I came with you!” Anakin argues loudly. “You know I’m old enough! It’s not fair!”

His voice cracks on the last word, making him wince as Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow.

“The Jedi Council and all Republic legal branches have spoken. We will not take children into a warzone--”

“Then don’t, but I’m almost eightee--”

“--And I agree with them.”

Anakin’s fingers slacken on the strands of hair, loosening the braid. “You do?” he asks, feeling betrayed. “You want to leave me here at the Temple while you go get yourself killed on some Mid-Rim planet?”

“I want you safe, Padawan,” Obi-Wan corrects, breaking away from him so that he may stand up and sit beside him on the bed. “A war is no place for Jedi, but while us knights have no choice but to fight, we would keep our younglings as far from it as possible--even those younglings who are only a few months shy of being eighteen.”

“You’re taking away my choice,” Anakin says quietly, anger abating enough that he has to struggle to hide the fear in his voice. He brings his knees up against his chest and curls tightly into himself. “What if you die and--and--” he breaks off and pulls useless at his Padawan braid.

He knows what it means now after eight years spent at the Jedi Temple. It’s supposed to denote the Padawan from the Master, and signify the respect an apprentice has for their teacher.

But he’s never been able to shake his original conclusion that it was a representation of love, though he’d never say that aloud.

But when he touches it, sees it in the mirror, he’s reminded only of the love he bears for his master. A guilty, shameful love that takes up too much of his mind and heart. He’d fallen in love with Obi-Wan somehow. Now when Anakin dreams of marriage beads, his fingers are invariably braiding them into coppery blond hair. Now when Anakin dreams of--well, other things, it’s always Obi-Wan’s body beneath his, over his, inside of his, around his--

And now the galaxy is at war, the Knights and Masters of the Jedi Temple called to defend the Republic, and Anakin is too young to follow his master.

“And what, dear one?” Obi-Wan asks gently, hand coming up to unclasp Anakin’s fingers from his braid. “If I die, you will let me go as any Jedi would. I will become one with the Force and you will continue forward.”

Anakin almost wants to shake his shoulders. Doesn’t his master know anything about Anakin at all? How could Obi-Wan say these things as if he believes them? If Obi-Wan were to die--if he were to die away from Anakin, without Anakin--if the unthinkable were to happen--Anakin doesn’t know what he’d do.

A part of himself would die as well, he knows that immediately. He’d cut Obi-Wan’s braid from his hair so that the man could be buried with it, and he’d never weave another.

“Have faith in me, Anakin,” Obi-Wan tells him softly, hand falling to rest on his shoulders. “I will come back. Or perhaps in a few months you will join me.” He sounds falsely enthusiastic, like he’d do anything to keep Anakin away from the war.

As if Anakin would let that happen as soon as he’s legally able to fight.

“Will you let me braid your hair?” he whispers, slowly sitting cross-legged.

“Of course,” Obi-Wan says immediately, sinking back to the floor.

“Will you keep them in this time? For as long as you can?” Anakin asks, shily, running his fingers through Obi-Wan’s hair slowly, savoring the softness of the strands.

“I will do my best,” his master promises him. “What will they mean?”

“Good fortune,” Anakin replies, seeing the braid come together in his mind’s eye. Yes, good fortune, a plea to the gods who see Obi-Wan in battle to look the other way. To take someone else instead. He gets to work, collecting a chunk of hair on the left side of Obi-Wan’s temple to braid back.

Nothing’s fixed. Nothing’s better. The person Anakin’s pretty sure is the love of his life will be sent out to fight tomorrow at dawn, and he might die never knowing how Anakin feels about him.

But it’s not like Anakin can tell him either, not when he’s seventeen. Not when he’s Obi-Wan’s Padawan.

He’s always planned to wait until after he’s been Knighted, after Obi-Wan has been given enough time to see Anakin as a man who has a choice whether or not to love him. And, yes, the Code forbids attachment and Jedi cannot marry, but it’s not like Anakin would ever be able to marry Obi-Wan legally even on Tatooine.

But he could give him the braids, if Obi-Wan wanted. That way, when they both died, in their sleep of natural causes, the Goddess Leia knows to keep their souls intertwined as she transports them to their afterlife.

Anakin’s fingers pause as he thinks of something that would make him feel better.

He bites his lip. His mother would disapprove. To give the braids to someone without their knowledge is heavily frowned upon.

Anakin winces, even as his hands change direction. These are extenuating circumstances. There’s a lot at stake here. Anakin can’t risk a life and an afterlife without his master. And he’s going to ask him eventually. Just not now. Just not yet.

The braids for good fortune form a crown over one’s head. The braids for marriage…

They start similarly enough at the temples, but connect to each other at the back of the head, where a third braid is begun. Then each braid is braided into each other. The left braid represents the braider. The right braid represents their beloved. The third braid that begins when the two meet represents the life that they will create together.

Anakin holds the three braids loosely in his hands, staring down at them in some sort of surreal shock. This is not the circumstances he has imagined doing this under, but he’s heartbroken. Not when it’s Obi-Wan who will be wearing his braids.

“Dear one?” Obi-Wan asks, breaking the heavy silence. “I do not mean to rush you, but my knees are starting to hurt.”

“You’re so old,” Anakin quips back, stroking a thumb over one of the braids, the right one--Obi-Wan’s.

“And you are so very young,” Obi-Wan retorts. “The two of us together is the equivalent of one good soldier.”

Anakin’s heart pauses for a second. “Would you want that?” he asks nonsensically.

“What?”

“If you could choose. If I were eighteen. Would you want to be…” Just as suddenly as he gained that sudden burst of confidence, he loses it. He sighs, mostly in disappointment at himself.

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan prompts.

“You’d want me there with you if I weren’t too young, wouldn’t you, master?” Anakin finally says.

Obi-Wan hesitates, and Anakin’s chest feels tight. “I would want you safe, regardless of age, dear one,” he settles on saying.

Anakin’s fingers clench down on the almost complete marriage braids. “But if there were no war,” he forges ahead. “If the war never happened. You wouldn’t want to leave me behind. You’d want to stay together.”

Anakin can just imagine the furrowed eyebrows Obi-Wan must be sporting as he tries to figure out what Anakin wants from him.

“Just answer the question,” Anakin begs, tightening his hold on the braids to prevent Obi-Wan from turning around.

“You are my Padawan, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says slowly. “And someone who will one day be my partner, my friend. I would like...very much to be allowed to see you finish growing into the fine man you will be. The one that in many ways you already are.”

“And then?” Anakin asks doggedly. “When we’re both knights. And you’re assigned...a mission. And you get to choose your partner. And it’s me or. Or someone else. I don’t care. Who would you choose?”

“Well, I suppose it would depend on if this fabricated mission depends on stealth. Secrecy. The ability to tell a believable falsehoo--”

“I’m being serious,” Anakin insists, cutting his master off. He almost wants to drop the braids, let them fall apart. Clearly Obi-Wan doesn’t...perhaps won’t ever--

“It’d be you,” Obi-Wan murmurs very quietly, as if afraid to speak louder. “We are better together than we are separate.”

Anakin blinks and then smiles, only a little teary-eyed at his master’s confession. “Yes, Master,” he agrees, finally--finally--braiding the three braids together and tying them off neatly. He pictures the material of their souls responding the same way that Obi-Wan’s hair has. The thought makes him feel equal parts giddy and guilty.

“After all, someone needs to make sure you don’t crash every ship in the Jedi Temple,” Obi-Wan continues dryly.

“Yes, Master,” Anakin agrees again, running a hand lightly over his work.

He’ll tell him when he’s a Knight. Really.

[beetlelands]

im just gonna post some of these back to back bc why not. this draft is from october 2019 and is aptly titled “ruh roh ghost lad." but this is the one where beej gets stuck as a ghost in the maitland-deetz house

-

-

With a poof, Beetlejuice was on the roof of the Maitland-Deetz house. He groaned, opening his eyes. “Where am I?” He questioned quietly, looking around the area. He was quick to recognize his destination. “Wait what no, how did I get here? God/Satan please send me back,” he muttered to himself. He tried his best to teleport himself away, but he couldn’t go anywhere. He tried to fly away but ended up on Saturn so he was quick to fly back to the roof.

Beetlejuice sunk down to his knees, begging to god/satan- or perhaps the person who sent him there in the first place.

“Dammit!” he shouted in frustration, slamming his hand down on the tiling of the roof.

He heard the window begin to rattle as it was being opened. Muttering a string of curses to himself, Beetlejuice teleported himself to the other side of the roof, hiding. He heard the familiar voice of Barbara Maitland say “I told you there’s nothing out here honey, stop being so paranoid.” With that the window shut once more.

Beetlejuice sighed, slumping down the side of the chimney. He was trapped in the plane of the Maitland/Deetz house. The place he was killed- not that he was still salty about that or anything. He refused to believe he was a simple ghost. He was still a demon- he had to be- maybe he was just trapped.

That’s when an idea struck him- he needed to see Lydia. If she said his name three times, he could return to the living plane like before. Sure, it might be hard to get her to say his name, but the two of them were BFFFFs forever. She had to help him, it was his only choice. He needed to get out of there and Lydia was his ticket home.

Begrudgingly, Beetlejuice floated down to Lydia’s room. The blinds were closed, so he knocked on the window. When she opened the blinds, he was out of sight. He phased through the wall and took a seat at the end of the bed. Beetlejuice watched as the girl narrowed her eyes, peering out the window. “Must’ve been a bird,” she shrugged before turning around to see none other than Lawrence Beetlejuice Shoggoth.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Oh c’mon Lyds, I know you missed me.” Beetlejuice teased, but the girl merely rolled her eyes, giving him a stern look. “Fine, I missed you- no okay even I didn’t believe that.”

She couldn’t help but smile a little at that, “You love me, don’t try to deny it.” The demon pretended to throw up, which caused Lydia to laugh but she was quick to stop herself. She regained the same serious tone she had earlier, “You know my family isn’t going to want you here.”

“But do you?” He asked, earning a confused look in return. “Lydia, do you want me to leave?”

“I don’t know, Beej. If I say, yes will you go?” The teen asked playfully.

“Nope! But get this- I won’t leave, because I can’t.”

“Wait what?” Lydia’s smug expression fell.

“I am trapped here just like dear old Adam and Barbara. You may wonder ‘how?’ and to that I say- I don't know! But I have an idea on how I might be able to leave, and that involves you, scarecrow. I need you to say my name three times and maybe, just maybe, I can get out of here.”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“Well then, we just have to test it to find out.”

“Beetlejuice,” the demon clenched his fists in anticipation. “Beetlejuice,” he closed his eyes, preparing himself. “Beetlejuice,” Lydia finished off, watching intently to see what would happen.

The bio-exorcist stayed quiet for a little bit before opening one eye to examine if anything had happened. Groaning, he opened his other eye. “I don’t feel any different.” He tried using his demonic powers but nothing happened, well there were a bit of sparks (which caused Lydia to giggle a little at his failure). He tried teleporting but that was to no avail. “I don’t have my demon powers. I’m… not a demon.” Lydia was understandably shocked. For as long as she knew Beetlejuice he was a demon, she couldn’t even picture him as anything else. “I’m a ghost, Lydia! A fucking ghost!” He shouted angrily, slamming his fist down on her bed post. She shushed him, causing him to take a few deep breaths, “Okay, sorry, sorry. Gotta keep quiet so the fam doesn’t find me, I know.”

Lydia scrunched her nose in disgust at the word ‘fam’ but knew that wasn’t nearly as important as what Beetlejuice just revealed about himself. “How can you no longer be a demon? Is that even possible? And you said you’re trapped here? In that case, it doesn’t matter if you’re quiet or not. It’s not like you can hide forever. Plus, maybe Adam and Barbara can help get you back to normal. Is there a way to get you back to normal? What if-”

The ex-demon placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder, causing her to look up at him. “I’ll be honest with you, I zoned out until you said Adam.”

The girl pushed his hand off her shoulder, “This is serious Beej. What if you’re trapped here forever like the Maitlands?”

“Then I’m trapped here forever with the Maitlands” he smirked.

Lydia scoffed, rolling her eyes. “There’s gotta be some reason you’re like this, and there has to be some way to get you back to the way you were.” Beetlejuice nodded in agreement. “First step to figuring this all out is to let everyone know what’s happening.”

She motioned for him to follow her. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Nope but it’s all we got.” She shrugged and he copied the action.

Beetlejuice put his hand on the door before she could open it. “Okay but what if we prank them?”

“You know I’m always down to spook my family, but they’re not gonna be happy that you’re here to begin with. So we should take things easy, don’t overwhelm them, y’know?” He groaned and muttered complaints under his breath as he moved his hand from the door.

Lydia led Beetlejuice downstairs. No one was in the living room, so she loudly screamed for a family meeting.

Charles bolted into the room, Delia excitedly following him. The Maitlands sank down from the ceiling, clearly stressed by the teen’s yelling.

“I can’t believe you called a family meeting, Lydia!” Delia said cheerfully, not noticing the ex-demon standing behind Lydia.

“Get away from her” Charles commanded, glaring angrily at Beetlejuice. Sure, they didn’t leave off on a bad foot, but he was not going to let history repeat itself. Delia flinched at his shouting before seeing who he was talking to.

“Oh c’mon, Chuck. Aren’t you happy to see your son-in-law?” Beej teased, earning death glares from all of the adults in the room. “Too soon?” He asked, feigning innocence. Lydia laughed at the inappropriate joke. “See this guy gets it” Beetlejuice smiled, nudging the teen.

Delia placed a hand on Charles’ arm, a silent plea for him to remain calm. Adam placed his arm out in front of Barbara. She looked to him and he shook his head. With a sigh, she backed down, holding onto her husband’s hand for her emotional stability.

“Beetlejuice is trapped here as a ghost like Barbara and Adam.” Lydia states, breaking the tension in the room. Confusion was plastered on the adults’ features.

“How?” Adam asked slowly, hesitantly.

“Good question, really good question. However, we don’t have a really good answer.” Beetlejuice verbally danced around the answer.

“What does that mean?” Charles furrowed his eyebrows.

“He doesn’t know how this all happened.” The teen clarified with a shrug. “I thought that maybe my resident ghost parents could help us figure out what happened to him.”

Barbara narrowed her eyes at the ex-demon, not buying his act. Adam, however, smiled softly and said, “Of course we’ll help, Lydia.”

“If you’re staying here, we’re gonna need to lay down some ground rules.” Charles stated, eyes locked on Beetlejuice.

He met his eyes with an almost wicked smile, “Of course, Chuck.”

Lydia groaned dramatically, “it’s not like he can do much. He’s a ghost now, not a demon.”

“Ghosts need boundaries too” Barbara retorted.

“I think the most obvious rule is that you cannot marry Lydia again.” Delia said, earning nods from the adults in the room.

Beetlejuice groaned, “how many times do I have to say that it was a green card thing!?! Even I’m not creepy enough to actually try to marry Lydia. She’s like 3!”

“I’m almost 16, Beej.” She rolled her eyes.

“Exactly you’re 3. Now quiet down tot, the grown ups are talking.” He teased. She stuck her tongue out at him and he stuck his out at her.

“You’re not one to talk about age Beetlejuice. You may be extremely old, but you’re less mature than Lydia.” Charles spoke snidely. Both the ex-demon and his daughter seemed offended by the statement.

“Rule number two: no pranks.” Adam spoke up, trying to change the subject.

“What? That’s not fair!” Beej protested at the same time Lydia asked “Have you met us?”

“The last time you two pulled pranks, you scared people to the point that the passed out!” Barbara explained.

“Just because a couple of cowards couldn’t take a scare, doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be able to prank. Plus, That Beautiful Sound was a whole bop and our dance sequence was phenomenal.” Beetlejuice said defensively. Everyone except for Lydia gave him a confused look.

“Please don’t take away our pranks! We’ll tone them down, I promise.” Lydia bartered, giving both sets of parents puppy dog eyes.

Adam cracked first, then Delia, then Barbara. Charles didn’t crack until, with a frown, she muttered a quiet “please dad.”

“Okay fine. Rule number two is no big pranks. Just try not to do anything that will put yourself or others into harm’s way.” Charles amended.

“Rule three: don’t physically harass us, Beetlejuice.” Barbara said, crossing her arms sternly.

“Define physically harass…” BJ said furrowing his brows.

“Don’t grope or touch either of us inappropriately, don’t kiss us, and don’t make inappropriate jokes at our expense. I’m not just gonna take it this time.” Barbara said. Maitlands 2.0!

“Fair enough, Babs. But don’t pretend you didn’t like it.” He joked, earning the most terrifying look from Barbara. “Okay okay sorry, I was just kidding.”

Adam lightly rubbed his thumb in circles on Barbara’s hand, causing her to relax and saving Beetlejuice from her wrath.

“Rule four: no lashing out. In this house we try to maintain a calming aura, all matters can be solved through (calm) communication.” Delia smiled. Beetlejuice resisted to roll his eyes.

“I’d say the final rule is to not go into anyone’s bedroom unless you’re invited in. Snooping or just disturbing the peace is highly frowned upon, so just watch yourself. If any more rules are to be added in the future, you are expected to follow them as well.” Charles concluded.

“As you wish, Chuckles.” Beej said with a posh accent, bowing dramatically. Lydia giggled at his antics, but as usual, she was the only one to appreciate his jokes.

“We will leave you to figure out how all of this happened.” Delia stated with a soft smile, she lead Charles out of the room, and motioning for Lydia to follow. Hesitantly, she did. She mouthed to BJ that she’d be back in a bit.

“I don’t believe you.” Barbara said as soon as she heard the door down the hall close.

“What? What’s there to not believe? Wouldn’t you think I’d prefer to leave than stay somewhere where I’m clearly not wanted?”

“Well you weren’t exactly wanted the first time-“ Adam started, but was cut off by the ex-demon.

“I was selfish then. Goal oriented, if you will. I just wanted to be alive! But I’ve been down that track and seems like life just wasn’t meant for me. But here we are now, and I’m trapped with my killers.”

“Lydia is the one who stabbed you with bad art.” Adam stayed matter-of-factly.

“But you convinced me I was wanted. You kissed me.” He accused Adam. “And you flirted with me.” He pointed at Barbara. “You played to my senses to emotionally manipulate me! And you think I’m here by choice?”

Barbara frowned. He had left so confidently. There didn’t seem to be any hard feelings. But here they were. “Beetlejuice, I believe that you’re stuck here. I just meant that I didn’t believe you were telling the whole truth. But I’m sorry for what we did, we just wanted what was best for Lydia and that seemed like the only option.”

Beej took a breath, remembering Delia’s dumb rule. “What do you mean by you don’t believe I’m telling the whole truth?”

“You have to know how you got here.” Barbara said.

“Okay yeah fair enough. I’m pretty sure I know how and why I’m here but not how I can leave.”

“Wh- it was just that easy?” Adam asked. “All Barbara had to do was call you out?”

“The netherworld is full of paperwork

-

-

and again, an abrupt ending! because past me sucked <3

[trensu]

Episode 25: The One where They Frolic in the Forest but like, Sad This Time

Okay folks, buckle up bc this one has a lot of Hetero Drama and Stupid Plot Things

But look!! I’ve made it to the halfway point of the show!! I’m so proud of myself

We’re gonna skip as much of that as possible

BUT this one has some EPIC moments to make up for it

We start at Lotus Pier

Stuff’s happening that we’re not interested in 

except for how our resident Disaster Het jzx comes by to invite the jiang clan to the jin clan’s awesome sleepover with sweet sweet party games

Plot plot plot

WE’RE AT AN ARCHERY COMPETITION!!

I guess that’s how they open sleepovers in Ancient Fantasy China?

LWJ AND WWX ARE STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER

OUR BOYS ARE SHARING SCREEN TIME!! WITHOUT HURTING US!!!

Blegh, jgy is talking

And here the jin clan bring out their wen prisoners bc they think it’s fun to place them in front of the targets??? anD THEY GET AWAY WITH IT??

THEY DID THIS IN FRONT OF BASICALLY THE ENTIRE CULTIVATION WORLD AND NOBODY SAID ANYTHING!!

I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS

WTF IS WRONG WITH THEM

Wwx at least tried to protest but jc shut him down, bc their clan really isn’t strong enough to stir up trouble rn 

BUT THERE WERE PLENTY OF PEOPLE IN MORE SECURE, POWERFUL POSITIONS THAT COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING

I’M LOOKING AT YOU, LXC. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE LAN CLAN MOTTO, HUH?? WHAT HAPPENED TO RIGHTEOUSNESS???

*takes a deep breath*

Okay, okay

I’m calm, i’m cool

So that happened

Jzx tries to show off by shooting an arrow and getting a bullseye without hitting any of the prisoners

And wwx sees this and is like, hmmmm, i can humiliate jzx AND discreetly protect the wen prisoners!!! (and give the audience a bite of wangxiantics)

Wwx: lan zhan, do me a favor

Lwj: what’s the matter?

Wwx: can i borrow your forehead ribbon?

CAN I BORROW YOUR FOREHEAD RIBBON

THE SPECIAL ONE THAT NO ONE BUT FAMILY AND SPOUSES CAN TOUCH

I JUST WANT TO BORROW IT IN PUBLIC WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE. NBD

Lwj just stares at him in response and wwx sulks but doesn’t push it

(lol, jc sees that go down and is just completely exasperated, like, one day, can we get one day when you don’t OVERTLY FLIRT WITH LWJ in front of EVERYONE??)

(the answer is no. no, he cannot do that, jc)

(he’s not allowed to not flirt with lwj)

Since he couldn’t get the super special forehead ribbon, he uses one of his own wrist ribbon things to blindfold himself

Please take a moment to appreciate the fact thAT HE WAS GONNA USE THE SACRED FOREHEAD RIBBON TO BLINDFOLD HIMSELF, THE KINKY BASTARD

Wwx: nbd nbd, imma just shoot 5 arrows whilst blindfolded and hit every bullseye there is WITHOUT harming any of these innocent war victims.

It’s all in the twirl, baby

He does a Dramatic Twirl, Smirks™ and then releases those arrows like nothing

And afterwards he has this proud little grin on his face bc hell yeah, he just owned jzx’s smug ass AND prevented any harm from falling on innocent people

Also, LOL, NMJ’S REACTION TO THIS WAS GREAT

He sees wwx be a badass with a bow and arrow and immediately turns to lxc next to him with an expression like HOLY FUCKING SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT, THAT WAS AWESOME and starts clapping like a madman

For future reference, this is the correct response to wwx all the time, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU BB

After all that, wwx struts back to stand next to lwj and gives him a proud little smile. It’s so cute, so cute.

Jgy is talking again BLEGH

Now we’re in the forest!! For hunting reasons!!

Wwx makes himself comfy by a tree and plays Magic Music on his demon flute and is all pretty while doing it and supposedly gets all this prey to jump into Jiang nets

we never actually see this happen but everyone says it happened and who am i to argue?

(actually i like to argue one-sidedly at the screen a lot but this was not important enough so whatever)

Also, side note, jc is KILLIN IT with his fashion choices in this ep. LOOKIN GOOD BRO

But we don’t care about any of this 

We care that WWX SUDDENLY SPOTS LWJ WALKING ALL ALONE IN THE FOREST AND HIS WHOLE ENTIRE FACE LIGHTS UP LIKE THE FREAKING SUN BC HE’S SO HAPPY TO SEE HIS SOULMATE

IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

And then it gets sad. Sad times in the forest :(

Wwx was totally making a move to get lwj’s attention but he stops himself

Bc he remembers the conversation he had with lxc about how the ones he cares about can be hurt by his decisions

Thank goodness lwj notices him back

Wwx looks so surprised but also pleased the lwj sees him

And ofc lwj does not hesitate to go to wwx

BC THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND ARE SOULMATES

Wwx: hey lan zhan, i heard you got tired of writing out the Lan Fam Rules~!

He’s happily engaging him in conversation!! He’s trying to tease him again!

Too bad lwj does not go along with it

This whole “let’s ruin wwx’s attempts for pleasant conversation by bringing up sad things” is getting really old lwj, stop that

Lwj: i made some progress in composing the music score and i’d like to share it with you to see if it works

eXCuSe mE??

HE’S BEEN WRITING MAGIC MUSIC FOR WWX??

HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THIS BEFORE??

I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST LEARNING FORBIDDEN MAGIC MUSIC, NOT CREATING MAGIC MUSIC FROM SCRATCH SPECIFICALLY FOR WWX

HE LOVES HIM SO MUCHHHH

Wwx: lan wangji, lan wangji

Noooo he’s reverted to calling him formally!!

And his tone went all flat!!

DON’T DO THAT

Wwx: who do you take me for? Why can’t you leave me alone?

DON’T SAY THAT

WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT

YOU DON’T WANT HIM TO LEAVE YOU ALONE

STOP HURTING ME LWJ LIKE THIS

The minute wwx asks him that, lwj lowers his gaze when previously he had his eyes glued to wwx’s face the whole time

Bc WWX JUST STABBED HIM IN THE HEART WITH HIS WORDS

Lwj: who do you take me for?

He says all somberly, STILL NOT LOOKING AT WWX

Oh god, their faces are breaking my heart

After lwj says that, wwx stares at him for a long moment before canting his eyes to the side AND THEY LOOK KIND OF TEARY??

I THINK??

THAT MAY JUST BE MY TEARS

SOMEWHERE, TEARS ARE INVOLVED

Wwx: i once treated you as my lifelong confidant (AKA SOULMATE)

Lwj: i still am

*SOBBING*

~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

THEY’RE STARING AT EACH OTHER WITH SO MUCH FEELING

I WANT TO TEAR MY FACE OFF

Aaaaand the moment’s interrupted bc of stupid jzx and his Hetero Drama

Wwx hears someone approaching and he grabs lwj by the arm and drags him to a hiding spot where they can spy on jzx who just appeared with jyl

You know, i love how whenever wwx grabs lwj to drag him somewhere we get a bit of slo-mo stuff to, i guess, emphasize wwx is touching lwj or something

Not that we need the emphasis

It’s not like we’re not already hyper-aware of their EVERY INTERACTION

So now we get to watch wwx and lwj spy jzx and jyl

Lol, i wonder what lwj is thinking

Does he watch this and sympathize? Does he get secondhand embarrassment bc he knows he doesn’t do any better expressing his feelings to his soulmate??

I can’t imagine he has any actual interest in spying on Disaster Het jzx

Lwj is a Disaster Gay 

There can only be so much Disaster at a time, y’know?

or maybe he’s just thinking OMG WWX TOUCHED ME OMG WWX IS SO CLOSE

yeah, that’s probably it

Okay, there’s Hetero Drama going down 

Blah blah blah

BUT WAIT, jzx just made jyl tear up AGAIN

Wwx is all ready to tear jzx a new one but lwj holds him back before he could give away their location

Like, if asked, i’m sure lwj would say “oh, i stopped him to avoid an inter-clan incident” or whatever

But his REAL reason for holding him back was bc he was enjoying have wwx so physically close to him again

While secluded in a hidden spot

I mean, there’s less than a foot of space between them

I wouldn’t be so eager to give that up if i had wwx that close to me either

But lwj can’t hold him back for long bc jzx does another douchebaggy thing and wwx has had Enough

Wwx goes to defend his sister BC NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO MAKE JYL SAD, OKAY?

Wwx and jzx argue and then jzx draws his sword and takes a swing at wwx!!

SO OFC LWJ SWOOPS IN AND PARRIES THE BLOW

Lol jzx is so confused as to why lwj is there suddenly

You just tried attacking his soulmate, bro

what did you think was gonna happen

Ugh more Hetero Drama

Gotta say, i do enjoy watching jzx get scolded by his mother

Asshole cousin starts stirring up trouble and throwing a hissy fit about how wwx used his demon flute to catch 30% of the prey and how it’s Dishonorable and Cheating behavior

Lwj turns to wwx for a moment here and is like “30%??” idk if he’s impressed or concerned here.

Maybe both

Lwj gets a lot of Feelings around wwx, okay?

Lol, while asshole cousin is ranting, wwx turns his back on him to look at lwj

Wwx: oh, lan zhan, i didn’t thank you earlier for blocking that attack for me! Thank you~!

WHAT A POWER MOVE

HE GETS TO INSULT ASSHOLE COUSIN AND STARE AT HIS SOULMATE’S BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL FACE

WIN-WIN

Wwx is holding it together until asshole cousin accuses the jiang clan of having a corrupt or weak family or smth?

Then he starts getting all twitchy the way he does when Resentment kicks in

Asshole cousin continues to goad him and wwx starts to reach for his demon flute

Lwj flies to his side and grabs his arm!

Lwj: wei ying, concentrate. Wei ying, concentrate.

(wwx has a knack for making lwj repeat himself)

Jyl joins him to help wwx calm down

And now we take a break from wangxiantics for BADASS JYL TIME

Jyl goes and apologizes all sweetly to everyone for wwx’s supposedly rude behavior or whatever

And then turns to asshole cousin

Jyl: i might not know much about hunts, but i know there’s never been a rule about catching too much prey

DAAAAMN, GIRL

Jyl: it’s not his fault you can’t hunt prey. He used a different method that he worked hard to learn

Jyl: FURTHERMORE, you called him the son of a servant when he is my dear little brother

Jyl: so i would like for you to apologize to wwx

JYL IS THE GREATEST SISTER IN THE WORLD

Madam jin is like, ah, it’s not that big of a deal, let the boys squabble 

And jyl shuts that down by telling her that wwx is family, an insult to him is not a trivial matter for her

GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Blah blah plot blah blah jzx is a Disaster Het in front of Witnesses blah blah 

Gross, sect leader yao goes off on a rant

We’re gonna ignore him

We cut to wwx downing a jar of wine in the middle of town 

*sigh* i don’t even know why i bother telling him off at this point, he’s obviously not worried at all about alcoholism

Ooooh, and now we’re getting Lan Bro time. Very wangxiantic lan bro time

Lxc: lwj, i can tell you’re worried about something. What is it?

Lwj: …

Lwj: lxc, i..i want to bring a man to Cloud Recesses

(guys, the ellipses here actually happened. We actually hear lwj do a start-stop on his sentence)

(THIS FROM A GUY WHO DOESN’T SPEAK MUCH BUT WHEN HE DOES SPEAK, SOUNDS LIKE A PRINCE)

(Our boy is Overcome with Feeling rn)

Lxc: bring a man back to Cloud Recesses?

Lwj: bring him back…and hide him there.

Lxc: hide him?

Lwj: …

Lxc: he may be unwilling to go, right?

LXC KNOWS WHATS UP BC THERE’S ONLY ONE MAN WHO HAS EVER AFFECTED HIS LITTLE BROTHER THIS WAY

Lwj stays silent here, and the lan bros manfully stare off to the distance

(I like to pretend that here lxc starts coming up with elaborate kidnapping plots bc he wants his lil bro to be happy and that’s only happening if he drags wwx back to their home)

(i mean, locking up your soulmate against their will is a Lan family tradition, isn’t it??)

AND THAT’S WHERE IT ENDS

THIS SHOW DOESN’T PULL ITS PUNCHES, DOES IT?

This forest frolic was not nearly as fun as the last one :(

Return to Masterpost

[faejilly]

Not to be suddenly serious on your completely justified salt re: Jace -> my salt was bc s1 Jace was insufferable and frustrating!! Every time I really truly wanted to let it go or maybe cut him some slack bc I'm not entirely unsympathetic to him, he somehow managed to double down on his bs :/ Like I was willing to move on from him acting pissy when werewolves took Clary and the infamous 'maybe your mom..." in 1x05, but he, no, he dropped "yes, you did. you lost her" when Alec said he didn't do

anything Jace hadn't done before. What is worse this shit was followed by his entitled self-righteous behavior in 1x06 like you don't get to treat Alec crappy and then demand his help and act as if he's supposed to simply come around (unpopular opinion but I don't like their scene at the end of 1x06). And this is only one example! Thus, I'm like Alec's punches, verbal and actual ones alike, were lethal and brutal and I'm not unsympathetic to Jace but his stupid dumb ass had it coming

[re: this post]

I mean

I agreed with your salt the first time nonny, but

Like

The show tells us that Jace loves Alec and would die for him. It tells us that he’s a good Shadowhunter, an excellent fighter and a valued soldier. That means that for everyone to believe such things (and they clearly do), historically he gets the job done, values the parabatai bond itself (we see that he was the one who pushed for it, in fact) and regularly protects Alec to the best of his ability. The show explicitly tells us all these things, makes it clear that’s how everyone else views their relationship, that that past is both well-known and well-supported by the other characters’ behavior.

Does the show actually show us any of that beyond a few brief moments in s1? No. But. It’s not, on a technical level, a very good show. It frequently says one thing and shows something else and clearly never notices the disconnect.

SO

This means, if we’re stupidly invested in the characters (like I am, obviously) we need to look at the show and decide what we think canon was trying to say, whether that’s actually what it said or not.

Where does that leave us with Jace?

You can absolutely look at canon and decide Jace is a spoiled asshole who they’d mostly be better off without. (Obviously that’s not where I ended up, but you do you, darlings. It’s ok to hate the fictional character, god knows there are a ton of them I think their assorted media would be better without.)

Is he a con artist who wants to be thought of as a good man and has somehow fooled the entire NY Institute with his charm and ability to kill things? (Jace would say yes, he has several moments where he refers to himself as irredeemable, or monstrous, or dark, or useless. He believes he’s a terrible person.) This is, tbqh, supported by a lot of his behavior towards Alec, he’s lashing out and cruel and dismissive in a way that is very hard to watch, and doesn’t seem to actually have much to do with Clary at all, even though she’s positioned as the reason for this behavior. (I think, instead, she is, as usual, the catalyst for change rather than the cause.)

But Alec and Izzy clearly adore him, and they’re not generally tolerant of cruelty.

So what the fuck is he doing?

Jace was an abused child, who’s still very young, and is aggressively against any sort of self-assessment or self-reflection, because he’s sure if he looks too closely he’s going to see that he’s a monster, that his father broke him, that there’s no coming back from that. (And in some ways, he’s right, he’ll never know what it’s like to be a person who wasn’t abused, and for as long as he tries to pretend it doesn’t matter, he’s never going to be able to set it aside.) So he doesn’t, on any deep level, know who he is. He relies on other people to define himself. (He relies on Alec, and then Izzy, and then the rest of the Lightwoods, and after that maybe everyone else, but clearly they’re not that important.)

I think, based on how angry he is when Simon tries to call out his behavior towards Alec, how confused he is when Alec isn’t just always there at his shoulder for whatever insanity he’s trying to do next, Jace’s entire life is framed around an idealized version of Alec as his center.

He doesn’t really relate to Alec as a person. Alec is his proof of humanity. Alec is his parabatai, they share souls, Alec is the reason Jace isn’t entirely a monster.

Just mostly.

Now, Jace knows Alec is gay. Jace cannot deal with that fact, because Shadowhunters are not allowed to be gay. Jace seems aware of this in a way that Isabelle isn’t, seems aware that if Alec is forced out of the closet that he could lose his brother, his anchor, his soul-bond.

And I like to think it’s because of Michael Wayland.

The show never addresses this, but the books do, and we know everyone making the show read the books, so. We have Jace, who knows his “father” was Robert’s parabatai, (that’s why he got sent to the Lightwoods after his father’s death, after all) and also that, despite being parabatai, they weren’t together anymore. Their bond was so weak Robert didn’t even know when Michael died. (He can’t have, or Valentine’s masquerade never would’ve worked.) It’s not an entirely unreasonable leap to assume Jace would’ve wanted to know why, how such a thing happened to a literal soul-bond... and that he found out that Michael was gay, and that was probably why he’d been “exiled” away to his estate. Whether Michael self-exiled to get away from Robert’s reaction, or Robert discreetly ‘encouraged’ him to get away from The Clave kind of doesn’t matter... the end result was that Jace was alone in the Wayland Estate (with a monstrous father) for the first ten years of his life, and he can’t let that happen again, not to himself, and not to Alec.

(Is this in canon anywhere? No, but it fits, and I like it, so.)

If Alec admits he’s gay, Jace will lose him. So Jace can’t let him do that. Which means he clearly can’t ever address Alec’s infatuation with him, either. Which means a lot of conversations about emotions or friendship or personal beliefs can’t be had, because Jace is always almost as much on guard against Alec’s secrets as Alec is, and every time they don’t talk about any of the things they know about each other, that’s another layer of armor between them and the truth (and a better relationship).

But that’s ok with Jace because he’s doing it for Alec. (Whether it seems like that to Alec himself or not.) Alec is the one who made sure the Lightwoods were Jace’s family, not just a place to stay. Alec saved him, from his father, from his past, from a future where he never did anything right.

There’s a line when they’re outside the City of Bones, when Alec is asking Jace why this girl? and Jace says something about Lightwoods take in strays, don’t they? And he is so clearly trying to be a Lightwood, (not just Jace Wayland), trying to do for Clary what Alec did for him, making that behavior an explicit compliment to Alec. (I am being like you.)

And instead of affirming that, yes you’re a Lightwood, yes you’re doing the right thing, yes you’re saving someone, I’m so proud of you, Alec says you’re nothing like her.

Now, Alec says “you were never a stray” because protecting Jace & Izzy is important enough to him that he’s afraid of protecting Clary, because it’s going to put Jace & Izzy in danger. He’s saying you’re better than her, you’re more important to me.

But what Jace hears is you’re not doing the same thing, you’re not doing the right thing, you’re not like me.

And for all there’d been sniping and aggravation earlier, for all Jace met Clary and went ooooh, shiny, and made a whole slew of reckless decisions, I really believe that that moment outside the City of Bones is when their relationship broke. (Which makes the fact that the physical conflict in their relationship breaks free outside the City of Bones as well several episodes later surprisingly poetic.)

So now, for the first time, Alec disagrees with Jace, and Jace can tell he’s serious about it... and Jace thinks he’s wrong. And Jace doesn’t know what to do with that. (If Alec is an ideal rather than a person, than Alec can’t do anything wrong, and Alec going along with all of Jace & Izzy’s shenanigans must mean they weren’t that wrong either, not that Alec is too over-protective and has massive issues regarding responsibility and self-esteem and personal value.)

When someone falls off the pedestal you’ve put them on, it’s only human nature to blame them for failing you, rather than realize that pedestal wasn’t fair and you’re the one who put them up there, and pushed them off again when they couldn’t meet your impossible expectations. So Jace lashes out, because how dare you, the only person I could trust and respect unconditionally, be wrong!

Which is egregiously unfair, so I agree, he deserved Alec practically trying to kill him, though it’s obviously horrifying that that’s how far it had to go for him to realize what he was doing.

But it’s not surprising, both because of his inability to look at himself and that pedestal he’s got Alec on... it would take something cataclysmic to break through both those mindsets.Which is why it took Clary breaking the entire Shadow World to also break their issues out into the open. They were both too well-guarded to do it themselves.

[frenchibi]

hey, so i thought maybe you could tell us a little what you're currently interested in? ♥ like, what have you been doing during quarantine, are there any new shows you watched that you enjoyed a lot, did you maybe take up a new hobby or something? :)

Hello!! I did not forget this lovely message, I was just in no state to answer (who’d have thought that recovery from surgery is, y’know, taxing) BUT I’M BACK NOW and ohhhh do you know what you’ve unlocked by asking me this question...?? I cannot give you a comprehensive list but I can tell you a couple of the things that I got into during quarantine, and the things I am currently super passionate about! My memory is, uh, not great but thankfully I do journal and write down things so I am confident I can answer this for you :D (plus I do always love recommending things so - aaa??? Thank you for this ask????)

Putting things under a cut because I physically cannot chill but if tl;dr I want you to take away one thing from this it’s that everyone should read Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Thoughts below.

(Also. I would love to go off about my interests more on here but am not sure what... shape that should ideally take? Text posts? IDK pls give me suggestions, help me out?? dfhasjkldf)

Movies

I have not seen many, but I can and will scream about The Old Guard over and over because... it was everything I never knew I needed in an action movie?? I don’t reblog many things about it anymore but I love love LOVED it!!

Also, upon recommendation by one of my friends from India, I have been delving into the world of Bollywood movies and WOW Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara was so fucking good??? idk if it’s on Netflix in every country but it is in mine and I highly recommend it. It’s thoughtful, honest, emotional and shot absolutely gorgeously, and it also has that cheesiness that is just... so good... sometimes you just need the cheese y’know???

(Side note, 2020 was the year I saw Pride and Prejudice (2005) for the first time and I am a changed woman. It is now my ultimate comfort movie. Please see it if you have not, I cannot believe it took me this long. I saw it for the first time on an airplane (in january... a lifetime ago) and have seen it many, many times since.)

TV Shows

So, to everyone’s shock but especially my own, I have not really been into TV lately? I watched The Boys because my brother recommended it (it’s good, but gorey and pulls no punches, the R rating is deserved), and recently started watching Jujutsu Kaisen because my sister recommended it (I haven’t watched a new anime in like a year which is kinda wild to me? But I am enjoying this one - the opening SLAPS and what I’ve seen so far has been fun! Plus I’m watching it with my sister and I like sending her reactions xD),,, and that’s pretty much it for this category?? I am aware there is a LOT of good shit out there I just.. .don’t seem to have the attention span for multiple episodes of a Thing these days. Meh. I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually ^^

Musical Theater

One of the main reasons I think I haven’t been big into TV is because my Musical Passion is in FULL SWING (haha get it). Probably because the only thing that has remained for me during this quarantine is my singing lessons (and lemme tell you... over skype, that shit is ROUGH but still better than not singing at all) and I have been obsessing over learning new songs and finding shows through recommendations and compilation videos on youtube... So.

Shows I listen to a lot these days include Starry, Anastasia, The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, Come From Away (I made a post recently specifically about musicals, you should be able to find it under #French speaks) - specific songs in my range that I am currently learning and obsessing over include “Bring on the men” from Jekyll and Hyde, “The Mad Hatter” from Wonderland, “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2 (I liked it ok I DID), and “Go Tonight” from The Mad Ones (this one makes me cry... I’m making my sister duet it with me bc I can’t stop thinking about it).

Also, if you’re interested in hearing me sing things, head over to my instagram where I post covers (and also art)!!

(Musical people, I am curious to hear opinions about Great Comet, and also The Count of Monte Cristo - two shows I’ve been meaning to check out!)

Video Games

Listen. Animal Crossing New Horizons is awesome and I’m glad I have it (...give me Brewster back, Nintendo, or I WILL RIOT), but I have been branching out into other games for the Switch (might as well make this purchase worth it amirite) - current faves include Celeste (which is SO HARD but also SO FUCKING FUN) and Spiritfarer which I specifically bought to play at the hospital bc I knew I was going to be there for a few days, and let me tell you - best decision of 2020. Please watch the trailer if you haven’t heard of it, it’s GORGEOUS and beautiful and emotional and I loved every second of it. Both of these can also be purchased for PC and I think they are definitely worth the investment!!

In other news I’m back on my Stardew Valley bullshit. It’s just so calming.I revisit it a lot lmao

Books

So... I have been reading. A LOT. I read over 70 books this year, which for me is... average tbh? I have had some less productive reading months but overall I have torn through stuff and BOY do I have recommendations if you want them?? For the sake of brevity I will only mention a few here:

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space”. That is all. This was my first five star fiction book of the year and I will never be done screaming about it. There is a dedicated but smallish fandom here on tumblr and it deserves SO MUCH MORE. Please, please please. Everyone should read this damn book. It’s confusing in the beginning but I promise it’s worth it IT’S SO GOOD!! And also the sequel is out and it’s also confusing and SO GOOD!!!

Educated by Tara Westover. This is an autobiography and it’s one of those books that like. Stick in your mind for months after you’ve read it. It’s about how this woman escaped an abusive household that was religiously oppressive and also like... survivalist (prepping for the apocalypse) and avidly believed in conspiracy theories - by educating herself, working her way up to going to Harvard. Nothing I say could do the emotional impact of this book justice - and also just, the perspective this book gave me?? Incredible. Education is the most powerful tool and this woman grabbed it by the hair and did not let go and I was FLOORED. Everyone should read this. I don’t even usually read biographies but DAMN.

The Winternight trilogy by Katherine Arden.(Book 1 is called The Bear and the Nightingale). This is a bit of a slow burn type deal - it’s a retelling of a Russian fairy tale (I think?? Or like a folk... story? Something like that) and it is just. So magical. It’s not fast paced but it works up to FANTASTIC moments, the focus is on family and magic and change and “making your own way” and all three of these books were wonderful. It reminded me of Naomi Novic’s Uprooted and Spinning Silver (both of which I also loved back in 2019 and would highly recommend) and they are PERFECT winter reads if you’re looking for something to get cozy with. I liked book 1 well enough but books 2 and 3 knocked it out of the park. Fantastic. Loved them.

I have many more recs but this will do for now hahah

Music

Gonna keep this brief too - my music taste is all over the place, but here are some songs I have been obsessed with recently!! Beware of genre whiplash though because these are Very Different from one another (and different from the musical theater stuff above)

Factories - Autoheart (that bridge gets me every time, idk why. This is one I could have on repeat for hours and not get tired of it either. Something about it just gets me!!)

History Read - The Altogether (The lyrics!! Tbh the entire Silo album is GREAT, but this one is my fave. Their music is so... mellow, in the best way??)

Weather Man - Valley of Wolves (ok this one is just a banger. I’m a sucker for a good sing-along-able hook (that’s not a word. you get me though right) and this fucking DELIVERS. I also just think “I make these dark skies blue, I make these mountains move, let the rain come down, I’m pushing through.... [pause] ... ‘cause I’m the weather man” is such good execution of a concept?? That PAUSE GETS ME it’s just SO FUN?!?! idk man I like a good upbeat banger and this is that.)

I believe (get over yourself) - Nico Vega (this one is just a callout at myself tbh?? “you’re a fool” I AM and I needed to hear it?? It’s also SO FUN to sing!!! We love a banger.)

Kiss me you animal - Burn the Ballroom (mentioning this mainly because it reminded me, lyrically, of Gideon the Ninth and I need someone to confirm this for me before I go insane?? “everybody knows that home is where your teeth sink, love” - I mean c’mon??? Also it’s a banger. I do like some rock from time to time... and this also has a killer driving bassline. This is super fun to drive to, too!!)

((If we have overlap and anyone wants to exchange playlists with me - I am SO here for it. Always looking for new music!!! I mean it!!))

Youtube

Last and certainly not least... meet my newest hyperfixation!!! I have always loved watching video essays, and booktube videos, and arttube videos - and my current niche of favorite creators is the Polygon video team!! They made videos about video games and board games and anything gaming-related and I just. I’m only peripherally a “gamer(TM)” but I love anything and everything they create. (Also you don’t have to know much about video games to enjoy all of their content!! A lot of it is still accessible to Non-Gamers(TM) or casual gamers!) BDG is my new favorite creator, the Unraveled series he does on the channel is a work of genius - but I have also started watching their streams and older series and I am enjoying myself SO MUCH! I love boardgames so their series on them, Overboard, is so fun and entertaining (and I already know a bunch of games I want to buy based on seeing the gameplay), and it also made me invested in the other creators - particularly Simone, I would die for Simone?? And Pat? And Jenna? They each have their niche and they work really well together too and their videos are my Main Serotonin Machine in these trying times(TM), thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Also. If you’re already following me here and you are familiar with Polygon things I BEG YOU TO COME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM because I am like, bursting, but I also don’t want to flood my dash with stuff that 99% of my followers are unfamiliar with y’know??

...I think I’m going to leave it at this - it’s already a lot!

But thank you once again for asking and for letting me Go Off about things I am interested in!! I just... I very often wish I could do this more, but I’m not sure how to go about it? Should I just do text posts about things?? Would that be interesting to anyone?? Or is that like, annoying? Should I start a review blog or something? dhfajkldhf I just want to talk about things that excite me, but whenever I’m here I often just stick to reblogging other people’s stuff... help?? What do y’all want to see??

[geejaysmith]

Wolf 359 Classpects, pt. 1

Soooo, while I was still busy with the last few weeks of my summer internship, I did keep thinking about classpecting the Wolf 359 cast. Possibly too much, because it wouldn't leave me alone until I'd solved my own God Tier riddle. Unfortunately, it got really long in the solving because I have many Thoughts and want to share all of them, always, so uh, a complete Classpect Analysis of Wolf 359 will be in parts? This first one covers Eiffel's, Hera's, Lovelace's and Minkowski's aspects.

DOUG EIFFEL: An utter no-brainer; ya boi Dougie Fresh is a Breath player if I ever saw one. For Chrissakes, he's the communications officer, and the first one to start complaining about the monotony of being stuck in a deep space sardine can. Breath is associated with communication, freedom, openness, and change - "free as the breeze", you might think of it, but that also leads to Breath players having trouble pinning themselves down to anything. They get skittish if they feel pinned down, and frustrated when stuck in place. Doug's noncommittal aloofness, the way he's off in his own little world (partially to hide from the fact he really does not like himself very much at all), and the way he's incorporated media into his self-perception all match pretty well with John and the Nitrams. But at the same time, he's the one playing mediator even as early as The Sound And The Fury. Being largely outside of the War Industrial Complex the other characters are so familiar with and thus mostly free from its dogmatic worldview of hierarchy and order, he's becomes the One Sane Man when he's the one to shout "what is WRONG with you people?" when "murder" shows up in the top 3 potential solutions to a problem, and he has no hesitation in saying what's on his mind. And it's not all complaints and bad ideas, either; he's got whole speeches telling the others how amazing he thinks they are and how in awe he is of their skills. A key catalyst in the plot of Wolf 359 is the reaching effects of his radio broadcasts. Also, there's something hilarious to the fact that for the aspect associated with communication, Doug *literally* cannot lie to save his life. I kept my ears open for the infamous Breath Hex on my second listen - that is, the strange little way in which things Breath players say tend to come to pass in reality. Cigarette Candy is basically 20 straight minutes of the Decima virus being Breath Hexed into existence, and he guessed Lovelace's situation in one - "Maybe she's a clone, or like a *really* good robot replica."

HERA: Another easy one. Although Hera is resistant to splintering as we've come to recognize it, Heart players are nothing if not determined to be an individual. They have a firm idea of themselves as a person and defend it fiercely, including compartmentalizing away pieces that don't fit their self-image. Maybe less actively putting them down like Jade Harley did to Jadesprite (the manifestation of the negative feelings she repressed out of fear they'd make her less useful) - that would mean attacking or denying a part of themselves - and more... "why yes, I put this part of myself in this box, and I may look at the box on occasion, the box definitely exists, but I don't go near the box and I definitely do not touch or open or interact with the box. And then one day, I will die." So that piece finds other avenues to express itself because it can't not do that. Hera's programming dictates she be "chipper and non-confrontational and always ready to help", but she actively resists being a mere utility and always has - her earliest know action was to attempt a jailbreak of the manufacturing facility she was made in, born rebel that she is. She will insist upon her name over her serial number unless you force her not to, and gets passive-aggressive at people treating her like a machine. And yet, even as she teaches herself to ignore commands literally written into the base of her personality, she doesn't reject her directive to be helpful, nor does she express a wish to be a flesh-and-blood human, or even really to have a physical form? She has a human self-image in mental spaces (we presume, I will semi-seriously point out there's nothing definitively stating she doesn't see herself as like, her fursona or something), but when she has to limit herself to a human-like view of the ship, her immediate reaction is "this is weird, I don't like it."  This is honestly something about Hera that I think may be unique among non-villainous AI characters; she seems to be content with being what she is in general, and she just wishes for people to treat her as a person and not a piece of equipment they can do with as they please.  

ISABEL LOVELACE: Arm-wrestled Hera for the Heart aspect and lost, despite Hera not actually having any arms, but that's okay because there's two aspects that fit her much better: Blood and Time. I ultimately went with Blood.

This is the part where you notice I'm onto the third of four characters in an aspects-only meta post, yet there is still a lot of post to go. This is because These Kinds Of Characters, the sort that're constantly on emotional lockdown, are a Challenge Mode, and for me to truly be satisfied with my classification I have to start drilling into the bedrock of what it even means to have an aspect in general, what it means to have a specific aspect, and what each aspect is really about. When you're on that level you tend to find yourself throwing out explicit expositional statements as incomplete, oversimplified, or unreliable, and looking at the text directly with a subtextual electron microscope. Brace yourselves. I have thrown the author out of the airlock, and I am about to get verbose.  

Lovelace's character sheet describes her in contradictions, and we get to see two different sides to her that resolve into the complete picture by the time Lovelace Mk. III wakes up. There's Captain Isabel Lovelace, goofing around in her earlier logs, and The Terminator. She does things Her Way and is very much prepared to fight you if you object - the whole reason she was picked for the Hephaestus mission was her willingness to go against (in her words) "stupid orders" and do what she thought was right. She's also fiercely loyal; The Terminator is the end result of her anger and grief for her lost crew and at her failure to get them home alive. Her backstory episode has her summing up her complicated relationship to the Air Force with "I owe a lot of who I am to them." And even before she and Minkowski have completely stopped butting heads, Lovelace shoves her out of the way of an exploding wall panel that would've killed her, and takes a near-fatal bit of shrapnel to the gut in the process. At her best, Lovelace is a fearless, boundlessly determined, dedicated firebrand of a leader. At worst, she can be impatient, stubborn, shortsighted, and ruthless. I dunno about you but that reminds me of a certain... angry crab that I know.

"Time" was what a few people chimed in with for Lovelace and while I see some of the connections (her awareness of the time loop, "Variations on a Theme", her multiple selves and multiple deaths, the repeated motif of clocks and pocketwatches) I don't think she quite fits in with the other Time players. Unlike most Time players, she doesn't have a fixation with historic context, the "Why Things Are The Way That They Are." This manifests in Dave's paleontology and his taking of source material for ironic twisting, Aradia's archaeology and knowledge of The Nature Of The Game, Damara's... /noises and vague gestures bc I don't want to go back through Meenahbound but her role as The Handmaid fits the pattern, and Caliborn's own warped, thoughtless replication of narrative archetypes. Context. Decisions. What came before and how it shapes the now, where your decisions will take it from here. The consequences those decisions will have. The details versus the larger picture. Even failure has its place in that scheme - that's the Time aspect. Lovelace doesn't like to dwell, she's a very "barrelling forward momentum" kind of person.

Side note: Aradia, Dave, and Damara all face hesitation to take action they had to learn to overcome. Also, all of them had to be pushed to use violence except in self-defense; Aradia let Vriska cross a series of lines before beating the everloving shit out of her, and Damara snapped after what, years? Of Meenah's abuse. Dave, on the other hand, never raises a hand to another person except as a complete necessity. Caliborn is, if anything, an aberration here in that he's outright homocidal and self-doubt is something that happens to other people. Caliborn is an outright aberration to a lot of Time player patterns, and to SBURB in general, because it's SBURB, so the rules are made up and the points don't fucking matter, except when they do, because Fuck You, The Author Said So.

No, Lovelace's approach to decision-making is that regrets are for afterwards, and "if I fail I deserve to be out of this picture; also, this situation has gone entirely pear-shaped, time to fling myself into the sun." (and that sounds an awful lot like someone that I know very well, but I'll deal with that royal mess when I get to the crazy whamma-jamma that is Classes). Impatience and railroading of other people can be her undoing just the same as assertiveness and decisiveness are her gifts.

...aaand then I went ahead and watched the live episode and yeah, major Karkat vibes there. However, I note that I don't believe we have ever hit hard evidence in Homestuck that Blood players are capable of Chilling The Fuck Out - this is part of the limitations of classpecting characters who weren't made for this system, you really have to dig into how much of their behavior is situational and where you see the kernel of individual perception shine through, the Rosetta Stone by which you begin to see the constants. "Where the object becomes the subject", to quote Memoria.

Finally, I think it's also worth noting that while Lovelace has a lot of connections to Time motifs, she also has connections to a lot of Blood motifs that arguably become more important to her story. Personal bonds and social justice are two of the Blood aspects strongest associations - see Lovelace's loyalty to her crew, and extending her desire to avenge them out to everyone Goddard Futuristics has ever used and tossed aside. The physical body and literal blood are other strong associations, and gee, how many times does the O-negative Cure-All Alien Juice in Lovelace's veins become a critical plot point? Not to mention the implication that her new friends all pulled through the finale because all of them now have her blood in their system. I'll accept that she's closer to the line between Blood and Time than some, but I'm holding by ground here: 

(Also, here's some irony for you, she may share an aspect with the Cancer trolls, but her birthday is August 11th, making her a Leo.)

RENEE MINKOWSKI: Minkowski was the hardest of these 4 to come to a decision on. My first inclination was Mind. Her general disposition put me in mind of a Life player. But then, I sat down and thought my way past the Commander's layers of emotional armor and ultimately settled on Light.

First off, by being a stickler for protocol and procedure as well as an Actual Responsible Adult, Minkowski is a kind of character that Homestuck straight-up just does not have, so snap judgements aren't gonna cut it here.  This is, again, another limitation of the classpecting system - all the examples we have to draw from are teenage disasters stuck in a lawless hellscape of some description or another, and written by an author allergic to boxing himself in with hard conclusions. But I digress.

Commander Minkowski is also stubborn. When she sets her mind to something, she digs in her heels, cranks the dial to 11, and then breaks off the knob and pockets it so you can't turn it back down. We see this as soon as episode 2, and at it's most hyperbolic when she Captain Ahabs the plant monster. Her's is iron-willed, bloody-minded, unstoppable, Determi-fucking-nation - when she sets her mind to it.

The submarine thought exercise is what had me initially lock her down as a hero of Mind before I mulled it over. The exercise is meant to provoke thought about priorities - what you think your role's purpose is in that situation will determine your priorities, and thus, your decisions. Mind heroes' most prominent skills are in riding the flow of causality, watching decisions, their causes and their consequences, and directing that path. They know people, and how to direct people. But the need for this means that they can get a little co-dependent. Other people are understandable - it's themselves that Mind heroes have the greatest struggle with. Without that vehicle of another person, Mind heroes may find themselves adrift and struggling to define themselves. This is fitting, given Mind is the most direct counterpart to the Heart aspect.

However, upon further examination, I found that this framework of priorities setting your decisions can also be extended to the Light aspect. What is "lucky" in a given situation? What do you define as a fortunate outcome? Rose arguably gets Grimdark'd by something like this, she asks the cue ball "are the horrorterrors evil?" and in doing so attempts to pry into the motivations and intent of *indescribable eldritch beings existing on a nigh-incomprehensible plane* and wedge it down into a relative human understanding of morality, which is sort of like trying to fit the Pacific Ocean into a water bottle. She was trying to deduce what impact the horrorterrors would have upon her and her friends, but asked the wrong question and got an answer she couldn't handle. She didn't recognize Doc Scratch was baiting her into this by leading her into a specific framework through which to ask the question. Vriska died because of her failure to recognize she was in a situation where luck didn't matter. Aranea got trounced because of her inability to recognize that reshuffling reality to prioritize herself and her preferred outcomes still didn't overcome the fundamental nature of timelines - you try to take over the alpha timeline with an insubordinate branch? That's a doomed timeline no matter how you slice it, and we know what happens to those. Luck and knowledge are both used by the Light-bound to give themselves power, whether in showing themselves off as The Smart One or the The Helpful One or The Unstoppable One, but their limited viewpoint often leads them to overlook the limitations of their own framework, or in other words, missing the bigger picture. I'll point out here also how Minkowski has the entire DSSPPM memorized and is the one who wants to get to the bottom of whatever the hell is really going on up at Wolf 359. Additionally, one of her other ambitions, at least once upon a time, was writing musicals. The verbal arts are one of the domains of Light players.

So while on the surface, Minkowski bears the most resemblance to a Life player, Life players tend to have an element of conformity to them. Unquestioned assumptions they've internalized have about the context in which they exist. Light heroes, on the other hand, need conformity so they have something to defy when they jump up and down screaming LOOK AT ME!  

So after much pontificating, I came to a decision. In the end, what Minkowski wanted more than anything else was a stage. Maybe to direct rather than hold the spotlight, but still; that's a Light hero if ever I saw one.

[lucy-pepperwood]

Fem Izuku Black hair from her father Not quirkless Quirk= flight/flying ( a form of telekinesis ) Fem Izuku= Izuha (meaning something like plum or plum tree) Her nickname is Futotta which translates something to chubby or Fatty (https://www.wordhippo.com/what-is/the/japanese-word-for-5b5fb1c9d70308c44b6bf579a82122981bd37a7c.html) Izuha can fly; she can fly without concern of air currents, but if she wants to glide, she has to follow them, she cannot fly constantly. Izuha can hover. Izuha is not immune to pressure changes, air changing or the cold, she can fly with people, but it’s limited to one or two people, she can “take off,” or fly super fast from the start, the slower she flys, the longer can, more quickly equal shorter flight time, she can do “super jumps,” ner flight is entirely self-propelled, she cannot make other things or people fly unaided, she can maneuver herself while flying unaided, she can go “super sonic” by pushing her hands forward into a diving position and then pushing them back in a breaststroke manner, this js taxing and can only be done 1-3 times, the pressure still affects her. Izuha likely developed her quirk at four but did not discover it until she was six when she let go of the swing at the park, and instead of falling, she floated. Izuha loves her quirk, she uses it all the time at home, floating above her bed, doing chores while in the air, flying down the stair instead of walking and just skimming around an inch or two off the ground, her mother loves it when she is younger, she would go up and spin her daughter in giant circles, as she grows it becomes fond exasperation. At first, Every birthday or special event, Inko would take her daughter indoor skydiving to help train her daughter on how to control herself while in the air. Still, then as she got older, its something Izuha would do every weekend. Once she is older, Izuha gets a job to help pay for this. Inko runs a family store, where she hand makes items and sells them online and In-store; while not relevant to the story, it’s related to Izuha, because she understands what’s it like living on a budget or just plain poor, Izuha is a big supporter of small business. Izuha also helps her mom out by being her social media manager, errand/post girl, and helps her with making some items. Izuha also wants to be a hero; she wants to help save people, but she is still aware of the money that comes in from it. One of her dreams is that once she gets famous enough, she can get her mom also the business she needs. Izuha is a bigger girl, she is thick before thick is accepted, her ass, waist, and breasts are all bigger, she fills out all the clothes she wears, and unless shes wearing an XL its never baggy, her mom always frets that Izuha is dressed too provocatively or noticeable. In the last year of elementary and throughout middle Izuha is bullied bc of her weight, nobody remembers her quirk developing late, so it’s not mentioned. But her being fat, working, and her average grades are all targets. Izuha works, so she does not have time to hero watch/ analyze in person; she has to watch online if she can at all, between working as a barista during the week, schoolwork and flying om the weekend, plus helping her mom, Izuha has very little time. Izuha does not have a good relationship with Katsuki, their parents are friends, and as such, they go over for dinner and other such activities. Still, it’s very awkward for Izuha. To Katsuki, she is an overweight extra that his parents make him deal with. He belittles her constantly and openly bullies her at school. Beyond that, it’s not until she is accepted into UA that he physically attacks her. He attacks the other student who got in also. From Class 3-B, Watanabe Hiro is accepted into the business class and holds the number 2 spot at the middle school. Izuha fights back when attacked and tells Katsuki to get off and to get the fuck away from me. After this incident, Izuha refuses to associate with him and thinks of him as an awful person. When he confronts her again, she tells him he will never be a hero and that if all he wants to do is kill people, then he should join the military and go fight there, “your an awful person all you do is bully people, you’ll never be a hero.” Izuha has a very poor view of the military; because Japan was allied with the USA, Britan and Russia attacked and killed million in South America, 50 years prior, and then tried to cover it up. Her maternal grandfather died fighting for what Izuha see’s as a pointless slaughter. Izuha is a very positive person; she is that way bc of her mother, who told her to take all the hate that she’s gotten and put out twice the positivity, to combat all the negativity with her positivity, Izuha is always hyping people up, or helping them, she always greets people with a smile, always willing to help. Even working in the service industry never got her down. Izuha favorite color is yellow. AT UA. Izuha hero suit is yellow and white, has wings for gliding, is a full-body, designed for pressure damage and change, comes with an eye mask, and a retractable breathing mask that is attached to an air tank with 6 hours worth of oxygen. Her shoes are knee-high and come with a minor heel. Her suit is designed to be as aerodynamic as possible. Her hero costume also comes with a parachute and two military-grade lifelines so that Izuha can attack her two people to her so that even if she drops them, they are still connected. ( her suit kind of looks like Evangelion) During the entrance exam Izuha passes with a decent grade, during the practical she gets 31 combat points and 20 rescue points from when she flies people to safety, she tries to help Uraraka but is unable to. The robot stops before it can step on either of them. She is placed in 1-A, and during the ranking event, she places 9th. The events that she kills it are the standing jump, the dash, the distance run. She pushes everyone back one. In the end, Hakagure places last, with Yuga in 19th and Mineta at 18th. Aizawa expelled no one, but gives the three notice, he tells Hakagure explicitly that her quirk has merit and she did better than the national average, but she must improve herself. The boys were also given a warning about their low scores. Izuha for her ball throw jumps into the air and through the ball while at the same time as propelling herself back downwards, her ball flys 500 meters, but unfortunately, Izuha lands outside the circle and thus renders her score useless. This, as well as her average toe touch, sitting reach, and sit-ups, lower her score. In the battle trails, Izuha is paired with Ojiro, who, instead of leaving Izuha to be targeted alone, tricks Katsuki into think they separated but instead knocks him out from behind. Izuha is friends with Asui, Hakagure, and Uraraka. Izuha and Uraraka are both “best friends” as both have similar backgrounds. They both take advantage of all of UA’s free services. As Izuha becomes closer with all her classmates and adjusts well to the school; Katsuki does not; in fact, he gets isolated for his bad attitude and reprimanded serval times, for his poor attitude and excessive use of force. Izuha is never alone, so Katsuki ends up burring all of the negative emotions, turning him into a time bomb. Izuha does end up having to quit her job, as UA proves to be more demanding of her time, she has to train more and study more. So instead of losing money, she spends extra time at the school using their gyms and facilities instead of trecking it to the city where the indoor skydiving is. Izuha and Uraraka both become tutors for the school, though, to help make more money. After the sports festival, Izuha is approached by All Might. She is picked along with six other people to be tested further. He is looking for his successor. She has to undergo Interviews, testing, and training to see if she would be the final candidate picked. From Class 1-A Izuha, Mezo Shoji and Ojiro are picked in 1-B Itsuka Kendo, Yui Kodai, and Hiryu Rin. None of them are aware of the identity of the others, but they are told it is going to be a year-long consideration. They each have to sign NDA’s, and they have to comply with a contract of silence. Izuha, as a person, is very determined. She sets goals for herself and works towards them regularly. She is also an honest person, she is sweet when talking but always gets the truth out. Her hard work, honesty, and pleasant personality plus her quirk (which is decent and would be a good one to pass down to the next user ) are what draw All Might attention to her. In the USJ, her willingness to fight and put herself in the face of adversity were all points in her favor. Her performance at the Sports festival is what secures her spot. She is a team worker, she did her best, and when she lost, she did so with dignity and grace. She always treated her opposition with the correct amount of tenacity and respect. All Might decided that he is not looking for the next number one hero, but a hero who is the truest to the title. Someone who the populous can look up to as a real hero and not just a celebrity. Why these six characters. Izuha is based on Izuku; she bears much of the same personality traits and ethics as Izuku. Mezo Shoji- is a reliable charter that is proven to be selfless and cares about the well being of others. Combined with his calm and rational demeanor, he is a solid choice for inheriting one for all. He as the psychical requirement to be able to inherit. Ojiro- Again a strong and reliable person. Calm in the face of danger, he fought off villains by himself while being surrendered by fire. He came out on top. He also has a background in martial arts. During the sports festival, he held himself to high standards and competed with respect. He is already physically able to hold one for all. Again a solid choice to be a hero, not just a celebrity. 1-B) Itsuka Kendo, Yui Kodai, and Hiryu Rin. All three have quirks that would be complementary to hand down with the rest of one for all. All three are also noted as being calm and caring people, with serious personalities and strong convictions. They are independently observed and deemed to be candidates.

[grumpygayming]

So obviously you should do those questions for matt and wren bc you wnt to so once you get time you should do it

You & I are on the same page lmao, I was gonna answer these whether asked or not tbh. SO thank you for sending this & giving me an excuse to post them 😂🤗Are they physically affectionate?  Matt: Very much so, he loves little contact like hand holding or brushing their arms together while they’re out. And when his boyfriend drives he always puts his hand on his thigh, just because.Wren: The clingiest lil shit alive. He’s always hugging his partner from behind while they’re doing stuff and he whines about not getting enough attention if they’re in his general vicinity & not hugging him or anything (if they’re not busy of course).

🎶Do they have a type? Matt: Tall, long hair, some visible facial hair, & brown skin... Clearly he dates outside of that but in his ideal world if their personality aligned with his... that is who he’d be with.Wren: Anyone he deems cute and able to cuddle him, that’s his type.

😡What are their deal breakers? Matt: Dislikes kids, has no ambition, can’t communicate properly. It’s why he dates so little, he’s found at least everyone has one of these qualities and he has to work with them on it or just walk away.Wren: Non commitment (refusing to label things or admit to feelings), not being upfront. He’s had enough of it and if there’s even the slightest hint at either of those things he’s out.

↕️Are they sub, dom or switch? Matt: Definitely a switch.Wren: The subbiest sub to ever sub.

⏰How long do their relationships tend to last? Matt: A year+, his shortest relationship was 3 mos and that only ended because of extenuating circumstances, otherwise they probably would have went for the long haul and gotten married.Wren: Not long at all, Wren is a fan of flings and living in the moment so short term relationships are his game while he’s young.

💍Would they ever get married? Matt: Yes, he wants that so badly not only for himself but for his son too. He wants his conventional family, with a picket fence, and a dog more than anything. It represents stability to him which he hasn’t had much of his entire adult life and he needs for his son to see what a stable, healthy family structure looks like.Wren: He can’t see it right now but he would love to get married before thirty if the opportunity arose. Otherwise he’s perfectly happy dating for the time being.

🏷️Do they give their partners cute nicknames? Matt: Yes!!! Silas has many, Matty’s favorites for him are Snugglebutt & Flapjack. In secret he calls him Dummy though, affectionately about 90% of the time.Wren: He’s pretty basic and sticks to babe/baby. He doesn’t stick around long enough for personalized nicknames most of the time.

💋Are they more sensual or sexual? Matt: More sensual, for sure. Wren: Sexual, completely.

📖What is their favorite outside of the bedroom activity to do with their partner?Matt: When the weather permits or they’re visiting his home town in Hawaii, walks on the beach. He’s also a fan of dates to coffee shops they haven’t been to before and ordering drinks specific to the shop.  Wren: He’s super simple and loves watching reality TV with his partners, especially if they’re into it too. And after each episode He likes to critique everyone over wine and takeout. 

  🛏What is their favorite bedroom activity to do with their partner? Matt: He really loves getting lingerie and showing it off, what follows after is fine and dandy but he really enjoys the process of getting dressed up and then seeing his boyfriend’s reaction.Wren: [Redacted bc Wren is gross]

💚Are they prone to jealousy? Matt: Not really, if he feels the emotion he’ll acknowledge it, try to figure out what the root of it is and move on. Wren: Yes, very much so. He’ll try to push it aside but he hates feeling like he’s coming in 2nd to his partner(s). [He will eventually grow out of this but he’s currently learning how to deal with it.]

😘Does their demeanor change when in a relationship? Matt:Outwardly he seems a lot grumpier... which isn’t entirely wrong. When he’s still getting used to a new partner it throws him a bit off of his usual balance and it irritates him. He also hates sharing personal details... like the fact that he is even dating someone so when the time comes to be public he seems irritated and angry for quite awhile. Wren: He is giddy as hell and everything is a ray of sunshine when he has a partner. He loves romantic love and wants everyone else to have it and love it too. This lasts for basically as long as he’s with his partner too.

 👫Do they display affection in public? What about in private? Matt: Hand holding but he gets flustered about anything more than that or maybe kisses on the cheek in public. Whereas in private he’ll gladly sit on his boyfriends lap and give him all the kisses he could want.Wren: He loves pda, so much. All of the kisses in public and hand holding, all of it, he wants everyone to know he’s taken and in love. In private.... he’s even more intense about this.

💕Are they open to threesomes or a polyamorous relationship? Matt: He’s not really open to causal threesomes, however, if the circumstances for a polyamorous relationship arose and he approved of the third party he would be willing to give it an honest shot.Wren: He loves the thought of threesomes and poly relationships. He’s not sure how he’d actually fare with multiple partners who were also involved with each other but the idea of having different types of love with different people and caring for them in his own way is so appealing to him.

💔Do they have a certain type of person they will not enter into a relationship with? Matt: 85% of the human population. He’s really particular and needs to get to know a person before even considering them as a potential partner. If he couldn’t befriend them, he wouldn’t date them. So, anyone who is guilt trippy, cannot be held accountable for their actions, dodges adult conversations, etc. could not be someone he would date. Wren: Not really, he’s fairly open, so long as they like animals and can deal with him yelling at the TV during movies they’ve got a chance.

💝How long until they feel secure and comfortable in a relationship? Matt: This is bad but...... Never? He’ll always have this slight sense of uncertainty and be prepared to have to detach and leave. It’s a side effect of the relationship that he got his son out of. He may be comfortable with his partner but security isn’t something he’s been accustomed to and it’ll take a long time for that to be the case.Wren: He doesn’t stay long enough for security but comfort comes easy for him. So long as they don’t seem violent he can be comfortable int he span of a couple weeks.

🤐Would they ever confess their feelings first? Matt: He’s usually the one to do so. Once he’s sure he wants to act on them he’ll let the other person know how he feels and let them know exactly why.Wren: He will but he much prefers the other person making him feel wanted and confessing their feelings first.

❌Would they ever cheat on their partner?Matt: Never, ever, ever. He would sooner break things off than cheat and ruin their sense of trust in any relationships after theirs.Wren: He would say no but if he were stuck in what felt like a loveless relationship he would be the first to step outside of it for some from of happiness/a simulation of true love & affection. 

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦Do they want children? Matt: He’s already got a son but he wants more later on. Kids are a rough topic for him at the moment since he miscarried in September and he’s still recovering from it. Wren: He needs at least one daughter so that he can honor Maxine Shaw and name his child after her. So, yes, he wants kids.

��Are they a cuddler?Matt: Very much so, not necessarily for the sake of cuddling but because he’s cold all the time, he leeches body heat off of his partner.Wren: Yes! He loves the contact and being held brings him such comfort.

🔮Do they believe in soul mates? Matt: Not necessarily. He thinks people can be compatible for each other and work well together but the concept of one singular soul mate or “the one” is absolutely ridiculous to him.Wren: Yes, however, he believes you can have multiple soul mates depending on the time and space you’re in. Your soul mate may change, hence why he’s not in any rush to settle down.

⚔️ Are they protective of their partner? Matt: Super protective. He’s ready to fight over anyone disrespecting his boyfriend or hurting his feelings. He’s not afraid to actually stand up for him and get involved either. (Though, online stuff is different. If on the twittersphere someone is being a dick his go to response is: “Baby, they aren’t important. Ignore them.”)Wren: Extremely. If someone even looks at his partner wrong he’s ready to take his earrings off and beat their ass.

🚀 How far are they willing to go for the person they love? Matt: All they way to Canada. Any further and they can fuck right off. Jokes aside, so long as it won’t negatively impact his son or his own mental health he will move mountains for his partner.Wren: It truly depends on how long they’ve been together and how committed they are.

❤️ Do they fall in love easily? Matt: Not even close, he’s so guarded that he’ll even second guess his feelings when they start getting more intense.Wren: Yes, too easily for his own good.

📺 Do they share information about their relationships freely with friends and family? Matt: Not even. His parents and childhood best friend get details & information but with newer friends (even of years) he will give them the bare minimum. Even then it’s a stretch, he waited a whole month to even tell his friends his ex-boyfriend’s name.Wren: Yep, as said before... he loves love. He feels like sharing all the cute little details of his relationships may inspire his friends/family to get out there themselves. 

♦️Are they concerned with the social status of their partner? Matt: Nope, so long as they are doing things with their life and self improving he doesn’t care about their social status at all. Wren: Ashamedly so, if they don’t have some kind of impressive title or a reputation in their field chances are he’s not going to get very far into a relationship with them. Though, they could become a regular on his hook-up list.

💭 Do they tend to sleep better when in bed with their partner?Matt: No, he’s gotten so used to sleeping alone that now sharing a bed with his boyfriend is a major adjustment. He does enjoy cuddling but he finds it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep now.Wren: Yep, he loves the contact and having someone else there makes it much easier for him to relax and fall asleep.

[mikelogan]

jdox prompt: when perry and jd break up, everyone assumes perry’s fine because 1.) he broke up with jd (not the other way around), and 2.) he’s stoic about it. Then someone (probably carla) realizes that perry’s harder on the interns and that he looks sad when he thinks no one is looking. she talks to him and he confesses that he regrets breaking up with jd. (i hope you do this prompt bc i love your fics so much!!)

             Carla’sday had started like any other.  Shewoke, showered, dressed, had breakfast, and cleaned up around the apartmentwhile she waited for Turk to get ready. One noticeable difference from every other day was JD’s absence.  Normally, he was just as much a part of Carla’smorning routine as anything else.  Theyusually chatted over breakfast and then when Turk emerged from the bedroom, thetwo of them would make a joke or allude to something stupid they’d done in medschool.  But since two nights ago, JD hadhardly come out of his bedroom.  Twonights ago, he’d stopped acting like the JD Carla knew and loved.  Two nights ago, Perry had broken up with him.

             This didnot deter Carla from trying to cheer her Bambi up – or at least get him out ofbed.  She’d decided to give him one moreday to wallow in self-pity before she really kicked his ass and forced him goback to work.  After all, she wasn’theartless.  She could appreciate how hardit would be for JD to go back to the hospital where he had for so long workedbeside Perry, and that he had to work through his raw emotions first.  More than anything, more than the sadness itcaused her to see her friend so devastated, she was furious.  And Carla when she was furious was a force tobe reckoned with.  

             Ratherthan laying into Perry the first moment she saw him, she’d chosen to observehim, her anger simmering just below the surface.  Truthfully, she hadn’t seen much of himlately – they were both busy now that flu season had arrived.  More patients to take care of meant less timefor socializing.  Carla spent the firsthalf of her day simply watching Perry and was surprised to find that hisdemeanor seemed quite typical.  He barkedat the interns, she heard him complaining about patients, and he bickered withKelso.  

             Carlaspotted Perry later that day sitting alone at one of the far tables in thecafeteria and squared her shoulders.  Ifshe didn’t lay into him now, when would she get her next chance?  She knew that JD had asked – practically begged– her not to talk to Perry, but the opportunity was just too clear.  She walked purposefully toward Perry, butpaused for a moment, her lunch tray held in front of her.  Now that she looked at Perry – really looked at him – it was obvious that hewas hurting, too.  Carla did not feel asmuch compassion for him as she did JD, that was true, but Perry had been herfriend before all this.  When JD had comehome in tears and told Carla – who had been the only one home at the time –that Perry had broken up with him, she hadn’t wanted to give up on the two ofthem.  She’d been so sure they were madefor each other, but JD, through his tears, explained how Perry had said hecouldn’t do this anymore.  He hadn’tgiven real concrete reasons either, not that JD had told Carla anyway, and shedidn’t feel like pressing JD for more information was appropriate at thetime.  So on his behalf, shecold-shouldered Perry when she could, but seeing JD so broken, in so much pain,was hurting her, too.  But now itappeared that JD wasn’t the only one hurting from the break-up.

             “Thisseat taken?” she asked, standing expectantly across from Perry.

             Hecringed at the sound of her voice and did not look up.  “I’m betting you’ll sit there no matter whatI say,” he said dryly, pushing away his uneaten tray of food.

             “I cameover here,” Carla said as she sat down, her tone impassive, “to tear you a newone, you know.”

             “Get totearing, then,” Perry replied, stunning Carla with the lack of emotion in hisvoice.  “Lord knows I deserve it and you’vealways been good at it.”

             “But then,” Carla started as soon as Perrystopped talking, “I noticed that you were sitting here, all by your lonesome moping. I wouldn’t expect the person who did the breaking up to be so… sad.”

             “Carla,honestly, I think I’d prefer you hating me to this psychoanalysis.  So could you just leave me be or startshrieking because this I cannothandle.”

             Carlasighed and crossed her arms as she leaned in toward Perry.  “You look like hell,” she said flatly, notingthe bags under Perry’s eyes.

             “If youmust know, my back has been acting up,” Perry snarled.

             “And whyis that?” Carla asked, not believing Perry’s excuse.

             Perry’sjaw tightened for a moment before he finally looked up at Carla.  “Because I’ve slept on the couch for the lasttwo nights,” he said, his voice much quieter. “I can’t sleep in my bed.  Doesn’tfeel right without him there.”

             Carlablinked, digesting the response she hadn’t been expecting.  “I… what now?” she finally asked, at a lossas to what else to say.

             “I made ahuge mistake, Carla,” Perry groaned, finallyletting some emotion show in his expression. “I swore to myself that I’d never hurt him…”

             Carlacomposed herself – seeing Perry like this was disconcerting.  “Then why on earth did you end things with him?”

             Perryshook his head, looking pained.  “Carla,you and I both know he deserves so muchbetter than me.  He – he deserves someonewho can give him everything, who’s more likehim.  Someone who knows how good he is.”

             “You’refull of shit,” Carla said flatly.  “Ihave never heard something so ridiculous in all my life.  You’re making all these excuses because you’retoo proud to admit that you’re scared.  You’re scared of being vulnerable and ofgiving yourself to one person who you knowwould do anything for you.  That level of devotion really freaks you out,doesn’t it?  And I’m betting it’s becausethe idea that you can love someone and they can love you just as much and youcan be happy if you’d just try for once in your life is so foreignto you that you’d rather just run the opposite direction and start this wholecycle of hurt all over again.”

             Perrylooked abashed, and he opened his mouth to speak, but Carla kept right ongoing, her rage finally having bubbled up to the surface.

             “If youhonestly, truly care about JD – if you lovehim – you wouldn’t be here right now. You’d be kneeling by his bed and begging for forgiveness.  Because you, me, and everyone else know thatyou’re meant for each other and that he loves you more than anything in thisworld.  He hasn’t left his damn bed sinceit happened, Perry, and he can’t keep going like this.  And if you’re still too proud and hard-headedto admit that you’re scared, then you’re going to be alone for the rest of yourlife.”

             Withthat, Carla left the table, taking her tray with her without another word orglance in Perry’s direction.  She knewcoddling Perry would never have made a difference and that he responded muchbetter when she gave his usual blunt rants right back to him.  She could only hope that he took it to heart.

             Perry didnot think as he left the hospital.  Hehadn’t bothered to tell anyone he was leaving and he was sure he’d pay for thatdearly later, thanks in large part to Kelso, but for once, he could recognizethat the hospital couldn’t be his first choice anymore.  He sped toward JD’s apartment, disobeyingseveral traffic laws in the process, and finally arrived ten minuteslater.  The reality of what he was doing reallydidn’t sink in until he was standing face-to-face with the apartment door.  Suddenly, the key to the apartment felt muchheavier in his pocket, though he was quite happy that he hadn’t returned italready.  He took a deep breath andhesitated just another moment more before he unlocked the door and steppedinside.  

             Theapartment was quiet and JD’s bedroom door was shut.  Perry could just make out the muffled soundsof JD’s shower running.  At least he’dbeen able to rouse himself enough to take a shower.  Perry sighed and opened the door to JD’sroom, deciding to wait for him on the bed. And then the sound of low, heart-wrenching sobs met his ears.  It was clear that JD wasn’t doing as well ashe seemed and Perry felt a physical ache inhis chest at the sound.  There was no wayhe could stand to listen to one second more of this.

             “JD?” hecalled into the bathroom, trying to be loud enough for him to hear over thewater, but his voice was surprisingly weak. “JD, I – I want to talk.”

             Immediately,the sobbing ceased and Perry heard the unmistakable sound of a bottle ofshampoo being dropped.  “I’ll be out in aminute,” came JD’s broken voice, still thick with tears.

             Perrysank down onto JD’s bed and put his head in his hands as he waited.  How had he screwed things up so royally?  And hadn’t he sworn again and again that nomatter what happened he’d never hurt JD? He’d promised him so many times and now here he was, crying his eyes outin the shower because of Perry.  It onlyreaffirmed his belief that JD deserved so much better.  He was jolted out of his thoughts when heheard JD turn the water off and he waited anxiously for him to dress and emergefrom the bathroom.  When he finally did,there was no way he could have prepared himself for just how miserable JDlooked.

             Standingbefore him was a very pale JD with bags under his red and puffy eyes, his damphair lying limp against his forehead.  Hewas dressed in an old sweatshirt and sweatpants and he looked like death warmedover.  He did not speak, instead waitingfor Perry to explain himself.

             “JD,”Perry started, pausing when he found his breath catching in his throat.  He closed his eyes and began again.  “JD, sweetheart, I’m so sorry for what I’veput you through.  If I could take it allback, I would.”

             JD’s lipquivered, but he stood his ground.  “Well,you can’t,” he said, his voice only shaking a little.  “What’s done is done.  You made it perfectly clear that you don’twant me.”

             “It’s notthat I don’t want you,” Perry said, his tone pleading.  “I never stopped wanting you, kiddo.  I – I was scared.  And Carla tearing me a new one today made merealize that.”

             “Whatcould you possibly have to be scared of?” JD asked, trying his hardest to soundangry, but it only came out as devastated.

             “Of justhow much I love you,” Perry said weakly. It was quite the sobering experience to actually say it out loud andjudging by JD’s expression, he could see that. “JD, I’m not here to make excuses for myself.  I just want you to know that if I could havea second chance at this, I’d make sure you knew just how much I care aboutyou.  Your happiness means everything tome and while I’m quite certain that there are plenty of people out there whocould make you happier than I ever could, I don’t know that I could live withmyself if I didn’t come here and try to make things right.”

             JDsniffed, drawing in a deep, shaky breath, before walking over to the bed andsitting down beside Perry.  “Why do youthink someone else could make me happier?” he asked in a small voice, staringdown at his lap.  “All I’ve ever wantedis you and when I had you, I was…Perry, you made me happier than I ever could have imagined.  And then, out of nowhere, you pushed me awaywith stupid excuses and you said things just to hurt me, to make sure I’dgo.  And now you’re telling me it’sbecause you were scared?”

             “I’venever felt like this in my entire life,” Perry said quietly, knowing that ifthere was any hope of JD forgiving him, he’d have to be more vulnerable than he’dever been.  “I – I don’t know how tohandle it.”

             “Youcould start by talking about it,” JD said, a bitter edge to his voice that hadnever been there before.  “I tell youeverything, Perry.  You’ve never done thesame for me.”

             Perryswallowed hard against the lump in his throat. “I’d like to start now, if that’s all right.”

             JD saidnothing, so Perry took it as permission to continue.

             “Themorning before… everything,” he started uncertainly, “I woke up before youdid.  And for a while, I just laid there,watching you sleep.  It wasn’t the firsttime, but this time was… different somehow. You looked so peaceful, and just lying there looking at you, Newbie, Icould see everything.  Our whole lives were there, right in front ofme.  The big things, the smallthings.  I could see moving in together,getting married, having a kid or two… I could also see the long days at workand coming home to you and having a frozen pizza for dinner and the stupidarguments we’d have.  What scared me mostabout all that was how badly I wanted it. The domesticity, the idea of being so transparent with another person…it freaked me out, JD.  And my firstinstinct was to run away and the only way I could think to do that was to hurtyou so badly that you’d willingly go.  Itwas cruel and selfish and so very wrong of me to put you through that.  Which is why I’ll understand if you want togo our separate ways, but I wouldn’t be able to give up without at leasttrying.”

             “All Iever wanted was for you to be like this,” JD said, his voice wavering onceagain.  “To be completely honest withme.  I always sensed there was something you were holding back, I justdidn’t know what it was.  I want allthose things with you, too, Perry.  Don’tyou think that scares me just as much? But even through all that fear and uncertainty, I know that it’s right.  I don’tcare if there are twenty thousand other people scattered across the globe thatare ‘better suited’ for me than you.  Idon’t want anyone else.  And I neverwill.”

             Perryreleased a long breath and slowly held out his hand for JD to take, but only ifhe chose to.  “You’ve always been sopatient with me, sweetheart, and for that, I can’t thank you enough.  And if there’s any way for me to repay thatto you, I’ll try for the rest of my life.”

             JDhesitated for a moment, but then took Perry’s hand, lacing their fingerstogether.  “Just promise me that when youget scared,” he murmured, looking up at Perry with tear-filled eyes, “you’lltell me.  If there’s anything I’velearned from this, it’s that we’re stronger together.  You keep me in check when I’m doing somethingdumb or crazy and I can help you when you’re worried about something.”

             “Ipromise,” Perry vowed, squeezing JD’s hand. “I love you, kid.  Yourforgiveness means everything.”

             “I loveyou, too,” JD whispered, closing his eyes even as his tears finally slippedfree.  He ducked his head andimmediately, Perry pulled him closer, into his arms.  

             Perrypressed a kiss to JD’s hair, which was still damp, and rocked him slowly.  He didn’t bother telling him he was okay orthat things would be all right, because he couldn’t be certain that either ofthem were true.  All he could promise wasthat he would try his hardest to see that JD would soon be happy again.  And for now, that was enough.

[sweatytyrantwhispers]

Part 4 of things my friends do that make me love them even more:

- both rachel and cristine are artistically talented and i cant fucking wait to see them become famous doing the things they love (i know theyll becoem famous i believe in them tht much) (rachel has a great singing voice; cristine has a great singing voice, knows how to play various intstruments, loves acting, and can paint/draw amazingly)

-seth tells me some catchphraes his fav youtubers say whenever we talk

-none of my friends (nor I) knows how to react or what to say most of the time, especially when it comes to gift giving and compliments; we’re all oblivious and awkward people that don’t understand society

-andy messes up on what to say to customer service people when its evening/night time cus we usually go out around tht time but he’s used to sauing have a good day

-andy also hates intersections so he’ll pretend hes walking in the other direction (away frm the intersection), stand on the sidewalk and pretend hes doing something, or take a whole other route if theres a car nearing the intersection bc he says it feels awkward

-rachel’s favorite animals are dogs and raccoons so when i send her a post abt raccoons she gets rly excited and says she wants to hv a raccoon as a pet when she grows up. She also gets excited when i point out a dog to her in public (she cant see it cus no glasses but still excited by its genert presence)

-dina is scared of lightning so I always try to ask her if shes alright when theres a thunderstorm

-when we go to the park, rachel almost always tries to make tiktoks. We always end up interrupting and annoying her while she makes them though, sorta like our little routine.

-last time we went to the park, rachel ended up accidentally hitting meng and I directly on the face with the volleyball (its ok though cause im pretty sure we’ve ended up accidentally hitting each other with the ball at least once)

-when i got hit with the ball dina asked me if i was ok but as she moved towards me she went for the ball (we were playing monkey in the middle and she was one of the monkeys); its just funny and i love that our friendship is at a point where we could laugh about it and everything is fine

-i told my friends that i was depressed before going to the park to hang out w them. when i got there i kinda just sat on the ground looking through reddit with music on high. they all tried their best to talk to me and tell me funny stories (they said they overheard a group of kids talking about how they pantsed another dude) to cheer me up. Dina and Rachel both decided to give me a hug at the same time and i toppled over. Dina gave me a hug again. I love them so much

- Andy called me while i was in class to tel me to look at the sunset. Its something that both of us have done a few times because we both love sunsets and usually see them when we’re out. Its a small thing but it makes me love my friends even more.

-I was on voice call with Rachel on discord and she laughed then sent the group chat a link to a tiktok

-(not my friend but my mom) She knows that i hate it when things are thrown out when they’re still good or can still be repurposed. Someone brought flowers home for some reason (i forgot why) but she was putting the flowers in a vase one day. Some of the flowers broke off the bigger portion of the stem and couldn’t be put into the big vase but she put a bunch of them into a small container for me and gave it to me. I loved it even though we did hv to throw it out like a few weeks later.

-My friends and I were at Central Park and we were waiting for my two friends to finish up taking pictures. Meng and I were taking a short nap (him sitting down w his elbows on his legs and me w my head on his shoulder) while we waited. We also shared my earbuds to listen to my music. I was p sleepy so I was on the verge of sleeping my also sorta aware of what was going on (mainly cus we were guarding our stuff while everyone else was taking pictures elsewhere). I was doing that thing you do when you’re nodding your head while trying to stay awake/go to sleep. I kept on doing that until he eventually sat up a bit more and pushed my head onto his shoulder better

-Samir looked at a shirt with george washington on it and confidently said that was benjamin franklin

-Dina was talking about how she kept on eating shrimo and peanuts even though she has a mild allergy to it. Rachel and I were telling her to stop and tht we’re not bringing it to the picnic on sunday cus we dont want her dying. She responded, very confidently, tht she “hasnt died before”

-Samir calls dina “d-money”

-Rachel gave me a hug as an im sorry for taking so long. (I genuinely didnt care cus even tho they do take a long time i still v much love them)

-Rachel takes tiktoks and videos of us while we’re out

-Rachel and Dina both got v the excited when i wore a skirt out today because I usually dress more masculine

-A few weeks ago (i think) my friends and I were at the park. I was trying to do something to meng and tripped and fell on the park ground (the part where there’s basically a bunch of tiny rocks on/in the floor). Meng was also trying to do that thing where two people hold a person’s arms and legs and swing them back and forth with me but forgot that if you take someones legs off the floor with no one else holding my arms, i would fall head first onto the park ground, which i did. Both times I laughed at myself but everyone rushed to me while laughing. Idk why but it made me feel like I was ok and safe, even if i was in so much pain, srsly i couldve had a concussion.

- Rachel and I both got excited bc we both wanted to got to the same college

-I call andy when im walking home by myself at night (or when the route im taking doesn’t necessarily hv a lot of people of lights) and he just vibes with me (sometimes talks to me abt how i should b home) until i get home safely

-idk if i already put this but Andy and I have a safe word when we think there might be someone behind us following us at night bc one time when walking home we thought tht and used our now safe word to see if there was someone

-Rachel and Dina do this thing where they take their hand and go from the side of someone else’s body (where the arms are) to the bottom of their legs rly fast while theyre walking. They call it “full body stroke”. They shared it w me and now we do it to meng almost every time we go out. Sometimes we do it together (one person per side).

-While at Central Park there was a dude that was singing (he was rly good). He started singing “Lean on me” by Bill Withers and my friends started singing along with him.

-Rachel sent me a tiktok knowing full well that itd make me gay panic bc yk ✨w o m e n✨

-Dina, Alan, and I stayed out after everyone else went home cus yk they were tired. Dina and I decided to talk like white girls/pick me girls the rest of the night with their stereotypical voices. We laughed the entire time and created weird storylines including: Jessica (Dina), Olivia (me), Jayden (Jessica’s boyfriend and brother that created on Jessica with me and Nicole), Nicole (Jessica’s friend), Olivia’s dad (a convicted felon in all 50 states and is dead), Jessica’s dad (a lawyer that’s also running for president, and Alan (he was just roped into our bs and was there to act like the dude that we both wanted to have as our bf).

- When we were in the bathroom and washing our hands, Dina waited until after the other woman in the bathroom to leave before coming up to me and, in a discreet whisper, told me that the soap was what “good pussy sounds like”

- Rachel, Dina, and I saw a few cats on our way to meet up with Alan and we played w the cats for a bit before one of them said “pspspspsp come here alan” to one of the cats. We now do this frequently to each other even though we hate it.

- We have corrupted each other to the point where we cannot hang out without someone saying “that’s what she said”, something about Dina being white, “just like this dick”, and “deez nuts”. We laugh about it a lot

- Rachel and I are both reasonably out of energy both mentally and physically after our jobs so when I walked w her to a mall w the rest of her friends, we both walked silently with a bit of catching up cause we both understood how the other felt

-We had a water balloon fight today at work (Alan, Rachel, and I work together). Obviously, I took the chance to pop as many balloons over rachel’s head and dump water on her. She tried to spray me w water using a water gun though. Afterwards gave the towel i brought to rachel cause she needed it to change. It’s important to note that rachel has purple hair right now and that the towel was white. key word: was. The towel was now stained a light purple (I dont mind but damn)

- i made rachel a purple raccoon by crocheting it (purple and pink actually). I finished it yesterday (sunday) and gave it today to her at work (monday). I opened the door a bit and peeked my head in with the raccoon just below me in my hands. She was confused at first but then saw the raccoon and her eyes lit up. It was rly cute🥰🥺 to see her get excited. We both nicknamed the raccoon “pimp jr.” and i made a lil name tag/from to tag that said it.

- rachel likes to lip-sync to music shes either listening to or hears in store and sometimes does a little dance with it. Its so cute and I love looking at her do it because it reminds me of why I adore her. She also goes hard when it comes to singing at karaoke. Like damn her vocal range is astounding

- dina got so excited when i asked her if she wanted to binge watch all the twilight movies with me. She looked so cute cus its one of her favorite movies. ugh i love my friends.

-a lot of dudes have crushes on rachel and dina and the both of them usually just try their best to avoid the person or avoid confronting them. Idk why but it kinda makes me feel grateful that I’m close friends with them because I used to have a crush on both of them before when we first met. When I told them i used to have crushes on them they didn’t act weird about it or anything and we continued to be friends. I’m so fucking grateful I’m their friend despite my initial crush on them cause they’re two of them most amazing people I’ve met my entire life.

-rachel, meng, alan, and I went to go watch Shang Chi in movies. In the last few scenes (which were v tense btw) rachel nd I both got rly anxious and squeezed each others hands bc we were scared out favorite characters were gonna get hurt. She squeezed the fuck out of my hand to the point where I couldn’t feel it anymore and neither could she. I’m ok with that though cus I’m glad she finds comfort in squeezing the living fuck out of my hands.

-dina, rachel, and I have matching bracelets from hot topic and i see them wear it almost every time we hang out. Alan and I have a matching pair too but I dont think he’s going to wear it very much (issok tho).

-We went to karaoke yesterday and I dont know how I just realized this but while she’s singing, dina likes to move around a lot. It’s not exactly dancing but not particularly just moving around. Its kinda like that tiny thing ppl do when they’re alone and playing their favorite songs on blast. She’s so cute when she does it, esp because she seems so happy when she does it. Even though I absolutely despise Justin Bieber, I would play his songs over and over again on blast if it made her as happy as she has made me.

-dina and I like to go to the swings and blast “Happier Than Ever” with earbuds in (we share a pair for this) and she screams along to it for the second half

-it’s become a “tradition” for us to go to the swings (most of time) after we’ve done the initial things we already planned out because dina and I love the swings.

[kensingtcns-blog]

( CHARLIE HUNNAM, MALE, HE/HIM ) —— [ BENJAMIN KENSINGTON ] is a [ THIRTY-FIVE ] year old that has been part of the [ HEATHENS ] for [ FIVE ] years. They have been working as a [ GUARD ]. The people in Boulder say that [ HE ] is [ CUNNING ] but also [ RECKLESS ]. Lets see what this wasteland has in store for them.

*uberhaxornova voice* alright helLO ( watch, no one else knows who that is ) its me, ur new resident trash queen & angst n pain lover, caitlyn. i’m 23 and i live in cst so like ?? yeah hi hello how are ya’ll ?? this is my baby benjamin that’s actually ?? a hot ass mess lmao ?? under this is a basic af bullet point bio, personality traits n stats & the three headcanons!! i’m so ridiculously excited to be here as well so that made my rambling worse ?? just like it is right now jfc okay i’ll stop. anywHO i’ve got a basic af list of wanted connections for him right HERE & i'll be working on making an actual bio for him over the next few days!! if you wanna plot w this hot ass mess, just like this or hop into my IMs bc i cannot wait to plot with all ya’ll!!

( TW: mentions of death, cancer, alcohol & weapons. )

BIOGRAPHY

was born and raised in denver, which means he’s always had a love for colorado.

ben’s the oldest of two siblings, his sister being ten years younger than him.

raised by two v loving parents who gave the pair everything they could have every wanted.

however, his mother did from breast cancer when he was 12 and that heavily impacted his father.

causing the older male to teach ben that having feelings wasn’t a good thing and that ben should bottle up everything because he wouldn’t get hurt that way.

something that ben took to heart and kept with him all throughout school.

speaking of, ben did really well in school, graduated at the top of his class and decided he wanted to go into the medical field.

so he did, went to medical school and started learning how to become a surgeon & to his surprise, he was really frickin good at it.

& along the way, he happened to fall head over heels for another student who was there to be a registered nurse. something his father frowned upon due to what’d happened to ben’s mother, but it was something his father quickly began to accept because he saw just how good the two were for each other.

ben ended up proposing to her about a year after they started dating & she said yes so they had a small courthouse wedding surrounded by loved ones... and a few months later they found out that she was pregnant.

this drove ben to be even more dedicated to his job because he wanted to be able to raise his son like his parents had raised him.

nine months later, along came his son and ben’s world quickly started revolving around that baby.

but all of that came to a screeching halt the second the virus hit.

benjamin knew that they had to get out of a populated city, so he packed his wife, his son, his father and his sister up and they were gone by sunlight.

however, his father and sister ended up getting separated from them and he didn’t know where they could have gone, even though he searched for days to find them.

things were okay for the first few month or so, they’d taken enough food to last from their home and the store but with an infant, keeping those supplies in stock wasn’t the easiest thin in the world and soon enough, ben found himself having to go out and search for formula and things like that.

those trips usually went pretty smooth, making sure his wife and son were safe before leaving them for a few hours. however, the one time he happened to be gone longer than a few hours was the one time they weren’t safe at all.

he came back to find both of them gone, something that hit him in the chest so hard that he sat in that buildings for nearly two days just waiting and hoping they’d just moved to somewhere more safe.

but all the hoping and waiting wouldn’t make up for the fact that they’d been taken from him.

this caused him to start being reckless, to go down this dangerous path that he figured would get him killed.

but not only did he do that, he started to have to figure out how to survive on his own. he didn’t have anyone, which meant he’d have to figure out how to shoot a gun, how to hold a knife, how to protect and fend for himself.

so he did, finding guns and ammo that’d been left behind by people, practicing by lining up the numerous alcohol bottles he’d killed off days before and firing into them.

sure enough, he seemed to be a natural with that and with knives.. or a natural for violence in general. he liked the feeling, and it wasn’t something he was going to deny anymore.

& he didn’t deny it one bit. if he met people, he’d resort to violence and threats faster then he could blink an eye because he didn’t trust them, didn’t trust anyone but himself with the feelings he now kept bottled up.

fast forward to about five years later, ben runs into a group that calls themselves the heathens and they instantly catch his interest.

offering him food, water, anything that was needed and gave him purpose.. something he hadn’t had in years. not since he lost his wife and son.

he took the offer almost instantly and has been a guard for them ever since.

PERSONALITY.

hides behind a wall of sarcasm, cockiness, anger and lust.

doesn’t really care to get to know people and had a tendency to push people away before they get too close to him.

is …. stubborn as hell and refuses to ask for help with anything.

has a motorcycle and it’s his baby..

a hot mess

fluent in a lot of languages, picked them up so that he didn’t need translators at meetings with patients.

lowkey worried that people will figure out that he’s not the complete asshole role that he plays on a daily basis and is actually a very hurt person bc if people started realizing that, he’d have to start feeling again and tbh, he don’t wanna do that.

is the biggest flirt you will ever meet??

will try to either get u to drink w him or take ur alcohol.. there's a v thin line between the two options tbh.

super, super intelligent but keeps that on the dl ?

he cares… god he cares so much about people and the world but he pretends to hate everything because it’s easier than letting people in.

is a highkey hoe but he also keeps it on the dl

super into keeping fit as it’s a way to keep his mind from wandering onto subjects such as his wife and son. so he’ll like ?? find random shit to use as a homemade gym ??

still wears his wedding ring but wears it on his middle finger so that know one knows the real story behind it.

also keeps a photo of his wife at baby boy in his leather jacket.

actually super loyal and caring once you’re able to see get past his wall??which is really hard to do due to his job but if u do it he’ll cherish u.

has a bad habit of smoking so he looks for packs of cigs like ?? everywhere he goes.

is actually super open to teaching other people how to fight / use weapons because it's fun for him but acts like it'll kill him to do so.

is a burnt cupcake who has really good intentions but has horrible execution skills.

HEADCANONS

Benjamin was raised solely by his father, who taught him that most emotions were bad things to feel or to talk about. Meaning that he usually hides all other emotions other than anger and lust. Which means that most people see him as an asshole, something that Benjamin is actually fully okay with because in his mind, having people view him in that light is far easier than having to address and/or deal with his feelings. But that doesn’t mean that Benjamin is unable to feel any other emotions other than anger or lust, but he does keep a wall up around him that not a lot of people can break down. If you can break past that wall, though, you’ll find that Ben is far from the ‘asshole’ character he likes to play.

( TW: mentions of death ) Before the virus broke out, Benjamin was actually going to medical school, hoping to be one of the best surgeons in Colorado, maybe even the United States. However, the virus took his wife and son from him and it caused him to break, causing him to give up on the little bit of hope he had left and away from the 'helper’ path he’d be heading down. Instead he found himself becoming extremely reckless, loving everything about violence and danger. He started doing things that his old self would have hated and not caring about the fact that it was risky, that he could easily get hurt or lose his own life in the process. But in all honesty? He doesn’t care about his own well-being, letting the grief that still sits deep in his soul cause him to drift towards dangerous things.

( TW: mentions of weapons. ) Due to him being on his own for a few years before he found The Heathens, Benjamin had to learn how to survive in the toughest ways possible. Meaning that whenever he ran into other survivors, he rarely trusted any of them and if it came to it, he’d resort to violence to get what he needed to survive, food, weapons, whatever it was. Not to mention the fact that he had to teach himself how to use knives, guns and anything else that could have been considered a weapon, how to hunt for the food needed to survive and how to deal with the infected anytime he happened to stumble upon them. After a few years of that, though, he started figuring out that maybe the life of survival and violence was something that he was rather good at, and something he really enjoyed as well. Which was the beginning of him turning from the 'helper’ he wanted to be before the virus hit to someone who’s actually rather selfish.

STATISTICS.

full name: benjamin rhys kensington.

nickname(s): ben, benji (used by his wife mostly).

age: thirty-five.

date of birth: october 31st.

zodiac sign: scorpio.

place of birth: denver, colorado.

gender: cis-male.

sexual orientation: bisexual.

religion: n/a.

occupation: guard for the heathens.

language(s) spoken: english, french, spanish, welsh, russian, korean, japanese, italian, romanian, greek, gaelic and bulgarian.

accent: american.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

face claim: charlie hunnam.

hair color: blonde.

eye color: blue.

height: 6′ 1″.

weight: 225 lbs.

build: athletic.

PERSONALITY / TRAITS.

label: the cataclysmic.

positive traits: cunning, adventurous, intelligent, charming, loyal & brave.

negative traits: reckless, hedonistic, cocky, impulsive, flirtatious & closed off.

FAMILY

father: gideon james kensington. ( undetermined. )

mother: marie ann williams-kensington. ( deceased. )

siblings: a younger sister ( undetermined. )

TESTS.

myers-briggs: estp-a

enneagram: type 8 ( the challenger. )

moral alignment: lawful evil. ( the dominator. )

temperament: choleric.

hogwarts house: slytherin.

[xielians]

You watched Ajin?? Please bombard me with thoughts and opinions.

omg yes i have, sahana!!! thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to talk about it because i really love ajin a lot and???? there’s not enough people who has actually seen the show, so all my thoughts are buried inside. im assuming that youve watched it too, if you’re asking about my opinion :o if so, go ahead to read bc lots of spoilers and such! if not, tread carefully.

i really really like the fact that our mc is first shown to have a normal school life that got messed up after a car accident. in a way, it should be fortunate that he still lives after going through a fatal car accident, but the fact is that everyone ends up shunning him and there’s a bounty on him simply bc of something that he cannot control and he ends up having to run for his life even though he didnt ask for it. i just really like the idea that he literally didnt know that he is an ajin until the incident, and his life really did turn upside down – both in terms of his own identity & his daily life.

i also really enjoy nagai kei as a character? he’s an asshole, and sassy with a sharp tongue and intelligent. and although he doesnt particularly have a strong body / good at physical activities, he makes it up with his brains and quick thinking. moreover, i really enjoy how apathetic he is as a character. he literally doesnt care about anyone other than himself. i still remember that bit where a nice human tried to help kei but when he died, all he thought was ‘aww, he died. time to run i guess’. he doesnt care and i think he’s very fascinating to watch!

the fact that his character also influences his ibm is also something that i appreciate. which the sass and how dick-ish he is, it makes sense that even his ibm will refuse to listen to him. 

furthermore, his r/s with the other characters are fun to watch too; he treats them so differently! we see how he appreciates kaito and pushes him away at the same time, bc despite the fact that he’s cold to many, he very clearly does care about kaito ( who won’t tbh? he’s such a sweetheart and i really cant wait to see him show up again in the manga ). and then there’s kou, where he constantly sighs bc kou is such a dumb and he cannot deal with his stupidity. the moments where he simply just disregards the naivety of his words (eg here) is absolutely hilarious to watch.

it doesnt help that his voice actor is mamo-chan and we both know how much i love him. usually his characters are either the popular, charismatic ( ouran’s tamaki ) or a completely joke / crazy ( tg’s tsukiyama ) and hearing him act as kei is very different from what he usually does and i really enjoyed the constant irritation in his voice!

if im talking about characters i cannot not talk about satou because as much as i love kei, the star of the series is undoubtedly satou. villains whose motives are simply to have fun have been done maybe a thousand times and usually it ends up making the villains dull, and evil for the sake of being evil. but satou is different! firstly, how often do you see a villain be an old man? and for once, i actually get how charismatic a villain is. his ploy… pushing the wheelchair… announcing to the entire world that he’s an ajin and with tear-filled eyes, tells the world how cruel ajin are being treated… it’s the fact that he’s an old man that makes it even more convincing.

not to mention, if kei is smart, satou is insane. ive never seen an anime character as old as satou have that much agility. and heck, he uses the fact that he’s an ajin to do absolutely crazy things. literally killing himself in order to play the game. okay this part is only in the manga, but heck, he literally cut his own hand and made them into like chicken wings to be sent to the location where he will infiltrate next and then throw himself into the shredder or whatever it is so that his body will start forming where his biggest body part is– ie his hands. that is downright crazy. and then there’s this!!

there are so many moments where i legit just covered my mouth because of the mind games kei and satou are having and how they outsmart each other in ways that are utterly inconceivable. so yee i really like it a lot! 

i also particularly like the discussion of ‘what is death’ for ajin, who essentially cannot die. it brings up a whole new perspective. because arent you the same person if you have the exact same memories and experiences? but there comes a discussion that since your brain is where your thought processes and memories are and hence the very thing that forms your own individuality… if your head gets destroyed and its a different brain that is doing the thinking… arent you already dead? and you’re an entirely different person now.

which makes satou even more of a beast, bc he literally doesnt care if he did die in the ajin way. he just wants to have fun. and for that, he doesnt care if his comrades even betrays him because he’ll just see it as another obstacle – a new difficulty in his game.

lots of people dont watch ajin bc of the choice in 3d animation which i agree can be jarring and awkward to watch at first but once you get used to it i dont think its that bad. but then again, recently i came to realise that i dont really care that much for aesthetics because apparently some people do care a lot. but what i do care about is characterisation & plot. but either way i liked the choice in 3d animation. its because i think using 3d to animate ibm is a good choice and for them to go all the way in using 3d in the characters and such would make the ibms look more natural.

there are so many things that really appeal to me in this series particularly the way it treats its characters. and i only talked about two so far but uh i should probably stop here haha. oh and i really appreciate izumi and her backstory!