#he drops a debut album that does numbers then just doesn’t drop for another few years

[somnas-writes]

If Shanks was a musician, he would be the type of musician who drops the most earth shattering song once every five years then goes back to doing random side quests

[thisaintascenereviews]

End Of The Year: 2022 Edition

We made it, folks. It's the end of the year, and you know what that means? It's end of the year lists season, which is my favorite time of year. There's nothing I love more than seeing what everyone loved throughout the year. I don't usually do "worst of" lists, because I don't listen to a lot of music that I actively dislike, but I do hear albums I don't like throughout the year, nonetheless.  I still, however, craft a best-of list, and I'll be doing things similarly to how I've done it in the past, having some honorable mentions before I dig into the real list. The honorable mentions are albums I really like, but they didn't completely stick the landing for one reason or another. I won't be writing a lot about those albums, but I only wanted to include around (although I did end up including a bit more than that), just so my list wouldn't be very stacked and messy. My best-of list is only comprised of 20s this year, but let's get started with the honorable mentions, beginning with...

Turnover - Myself In The Way

I haven't listened to the last few Turnover albums, but from the singles they put out before Myself In The Way, I was excited for whatever they cranked out; what we got was a smooth dose of disco and funk with a helping of shoegaze on the side.

Norma Jean - Deathrattle Sing For Me

One of metalcore's most reliable bands, Norma Jean tried a lot on their latest album, Deathrattle Sing For Me, and while it's a bit of an overwhelming listen, the moments that hit really do hit.

Weston Estate - Maggie Valley

This alt-R&B group made up of all POC members are on the rise at the moment, and their debut is a hooky, groovy, and fun affair that makes you long for more.

Caamp - Lavender Days

The only folk album on my list, Caamp is a catchy little band whose new album, Lavender Days, is the perfect fall / winter album to play when you got a cup of hot chocolate and a warm fire.

He Is Legend - Endless Hallway

Sludge, groove, and metalcore band He Is Legend is one of the most underrated bands in the scene, and for good reason -- their blend of sounds is very unique, and although their latest album, and their first in three years, Endless Hallway, is a bit long, it's still a lot of fun.

Jack Harlow - Come Home The Kids Miss You

Jack Harlow has had a great year in 2022; between releasing a number one single, hosting SNL, and being nominated for multiple Grammys, he also dropped a pretty good album this year with some great guest stars and catchy hooks to boot.

Taipei Houston - Once Bit Never Bored

Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich has a pair of sons that released their debut album this year under the name Taipei Houston, but they don't play thrash like their old man. Instead they play some riff-heavy blues-rock, and if you want riffs, you got them in spades on the debut, Once Bit Never Bored.

Comeback Kid - Heavy Steps

Hardcore has had a really good year, and Comeback Kid can add to it with their newest album, Heavy Steps, and while it doesn't reinvent the wheel, it's some damn good hardcore that will have you tearing up the living room from moshing so hard.

Action/Adventure - Imposter Syndrome

Easycore has had a good year, too, but one of my favorite albums in that vein is the debut album from Action/Adventure, entitled Imposter Syndrome. It, too, doesn't quite reinvent the wheel, but it's a lot of fun and executed quite well.

Distinguisher - Under The Weight

I'm a sucker for a good breakdown, and metalcore / deathcore band Distinguisher do just that with their latest EP, Under The Weight. This EP doesn't do much other than provide some crushing breakdowns and insane vocaalss, but it's a good little 15-minute EP that does what it does quite well.

Wet Leg - Self-titled

Nominated for a few Grammy's this year, British post-punk duo Wet Leg has been making waves this past year, and their self-titled debut album is a lot of fun. It's a cheeky album that has some fun, clever, and sarcastic lyrics, complete with a dry sense of humor, but with some good riffs and hooks to boot. This was a lot of peoples' most anticipated release, and I understand why, especially for indie fans in any capacity.

No Pressure - Self-titled

Parker Cannon of The Story So Far released a debut album with his other band, No Pressure, and instead of being like his original band, they have a 90s skate-punk and classic pop-punk sound going on. The album is really short and doesn't offer any new flavors, but it's still a lot of fun. It's the perfect summer album, and it's one of the most fun albums I've heard this year.

Okay, we're done with the honorable mentions, so let's move onto the list proper, but before we do that, I wanted to talk about this past year, and how it's been, mainly musically speaking. Like every year, it started off rather slow, but it was nice every wee for a majority of the year to have at least one to listen to and talk about. I'm the kind of person that likes to blindly listen to things, and if something sticks, it's really exciting to me. I found a lot of stuff that way this year. I found a lot of random albums and bands just from looking at the new releases on Apple Music each week. A few albums on this list are from bands / albums I found from doing that, but a lot of it is from bands that I already know, or at least knew something about. This year has been rough for a lot of people, myself included, but if one thing is certain, music has still been there to help us and guide us when we need it. It's been there as an escape, and I've definitely needed it this year, but we got some great albums to talk about to close out and celebrate the end of the year. This list is going to come out towards the beginning / middle of December, versus at the end, like I've always done, because nothing is coming out of note for the rest of the month. I'm just going to lock it in early, because I'm excited to talk about these albums, so without further ado, let's get onto my top twenty favorite albums of 2022, starting with...

20. Foreign Hands - Bleed The Dream

A 00s metalcore resurgence and revival has been on the horizon for the last few years, and it's in full swing now. Foreign Hands is a perfect example of that. Comprised of members of Wristmeetrazor, another solid metalcore band whose last album I was relatively mixed on, this band takes that early 00s sound and runs with it. This EP takes that sound and does something cool with, making it both retro and modern at the same time. The band will have to step it up more on their next release, just to make themselves stand out more, but this EP rules.

19. Alexisonfire - The Otherness

If established bands already weren't releasing new albums, bands were also getting back together, including Canadian post-hardcore royalty Alexisonfire with their first album in nearly 13 years, entitled The Otherness. This album dials back the post-hardcore sound they're known for, and instead has elements of rock, blues, and psychedelia, which makes for a unique and diverse sound that also gets to show off Dallas Green's vocals.

18. Lamb Of God - Omens

This year marked a lot of established bands releasing albums, like I said earlier, and Lamb Of God was no exception. Omens, their new album, was a hotly anticipated album, and for good reeason. This groove metal / metalcore band has been an establishment for the last 25 years, give or take, and Omens is a good addition to their discography. Some people didn't like it, because the band kept doing what they do best without adding to their sound, but I think that's a strength. This album is their strongest in years, and it proves that they're here to stay. They have a formula, but like other bands on the list, it's their formula, so they make it work.

17. Phoenix - Alpha Zulu

If someone told me at the beginning of this year that French band Phoenix would come back after five years and release one of my favorite albums of the year, I wouldn't believe you, but it's true. Alpha Zulu is one of my favorite albums this year, espeically for being extremely catchy and fun. They took a lot of influence from all of their albums, so this is an amalgamation of everything they've done for the last 20 years. It's great when bands can release strong albums this late into their careers, and it shows that they still have some tricks up their sleeve.

16. Miss May I - Curse Of Existence

Metalcore band Miss May I was one of my favorite bands back in the day, but their output has been inconsistent for the last decade. Their last couple of albums weren't all that great, but they're back after a five-year break between albums with The Curse Of Existence, and this album rules. It's a great old-school sounding metalcore album, complete with catchy hooks, breakdowns, and some great solos that sound like they were ripped straight of the 90s Swedish melo-death scene.

15. Slipknot - The End, So Far

Slipknot is a national staple at this point, and while their new album, The End, So Far, isn't aptly named, it's still the end of their time at Roadrunner. This LP, however, takes a lot of different ideas and throws them into a blender. They have their standard heavy cuts that work pretty well, despite being relatively typical, but they also have some bluesier, more atmospheric, and softer cuts that are really interesting. The album gets a little too long, hence why it isn't higher on my list, but it's got some really great stuff.

14. Assault - A Blind Eye

Thrash has had a really good year, and not just from the bigger bands, but a lot of the underrated bands, too, one of which being Ohio's Assault with their debut album, A Blind Eye. It's a short little thrash album that blends together thrash, groove metal, and metalcore, but they're still a thrash band throughh and through. It's a killer record, and if you want an unknown thrash band to sink your teeth into, look no further.

13. Venom Prison - Erebos

Speaking of genres that had a good year, death metal is doing great, too; a lot of great albums came out this year, but Venom Prison dropped a great follow-up to their critically acclaimed first two albums with Erebos. It's a bit of a departure from their original sound, although not by much. It includes some clean vocals and more atmospheric moments, but it's still a punishingly heavy album, and shows that this band still has a lot of fire in their veins.

12. The Devil Wears Prada - Color Decay

The Devil Wears Prada is another metalcore band whose output has been inconsistent the last decade, and despite 2019's The Act being a decent album, I was surprised at how good their latest album, Color Decay, ended up being. It's a great mix of their newer sound, which is more alt-metal, with the metalcore stylings of their earlier work. I was surprised by it, and how well they were able to balance both sounds without comprimising their heaviness. The heavy moments were aplenty, too, but if you haven't listened to this band in awhile, do yourself a favor and check this one out.

11. Escuela Grind - Memory Theater

I randomly found Escuela Grind when their new album, Memory Theater, came out a few months ago, and this is a fantastic slice of grindcore that also manages to throw elements of death metal and hardcore-punk. It doesn't reinvent the wheel, but it packs quite a punch within the 22 minutes it spends in your ear, and despite the audio assault you'll experience, you'll keep coming back.

10. High Command - Eclipse Of The Dual Moons

I didn't get into High Command when their debut album came out a couple of years ago, but I made sure to listen to this thrash-meets-fantasy-inspired band when their follow-up came out, entitled Eclipse Of The Dual Moons, and this thing is a ripper right out of the gate. It's quite lengthy, clocking in at 48 minutes, and the last song is around 15 minutes, but it takes you on a wild ride, nonetheless. These guys take thrash, crossover, and power metal, namely through the song lengths and overall aesthetic, and ultimately throw it all into a blender that yields some awesome results.

9. State Champs - Kings Of The New Age

I was so surprised by the new State Champs album, Kings Of The New Age, but in the best way. This album is so tight, catchy, fun, and breezy, it's hard not to enjoy it. I don't listen to a lot of pop-punk anymore, but i was enthralled by this album. It's so catchy, and while the lyrics didn't do much for me, they don't need to. This album knows exactly what it is, and what it wants to do, so it owns it. This is the best this band has ever sounded in their decade-plus long existence. This would have been my favorite pop-punk album of the year, but there's one more that I liked a little more.

8. Yard Act - The Overload

British post-punk band Yard Act had my first favorite album of this year with their debut, The Overload, a catchy and visceral album that tore into politics and ideas that are running rampant throughout today's world. It was a very captivating album that showcased all the best qualities of the band, even if it didn't do anything to move their genre forward. Not all albums need to do that, but as long as you can make an album that's just great on its own without trying too hard to tug on peoples' nostalgia, that's good enough for me.

7. Stand Atlantic - F.E.A.R.

My favorite pop-punk album is the new third Stand Atlantic F.E.A.R, which stands for "fuck everything and run," which I like, because it fits the theme of the album, as well as maybe the year. This record marks somewhat of a stylistic shift for the band, as they incorporate more pop and hip-hop sounds, but they doubled down on the hooks and melodies, making for a very catchy album with some clever lyrics that paint a rather deprecating and angry picture. The lyrics can come off rather bitter at times, but with a clever twist on thingss, versus just being bitter for the sake of it. The lyrics are part of the charm, but the whole record is just great.

6. Elder - Innate Passage

"Progressive-rock" is sort of a dirty word for me these days, as well as many other people, because of how pretentious the genre can be (and often is). When it comes to prog, I like some 70s prog bands, such as Kansas, Pink Floyd, Yes, and Rush, and that's when prog began, at least got much more popular, but it had its roots in the late 1960s. I decided to check out the new album from stoner-doom-turned-prog band Elder, entitled Innate Passage, and I absolutely love this album. It's so good. I don't normally listen to prog, at least modern stuff, but this has me wanting to listen to more stuff in this vein. It's a bit long, clocking in at 54 minutes, and each song is about 10 minutes, although there's one that's 15, but it never feels boring or bloated. The song ebb and flow in a very fluid way, and the album keeps my attention throughout it. Vocals are a bit sparse here, but there are some really cool and impressive solos, as well as some instrumental sections that kick things up a notch. There's a lot of atmosphere on this album, but it's one of the biggest surprises of the year. It sounds like it came right out of 1974, but in the best way.

5. Cloud Rat - Threshold

Top five, baby, let's go. Kicking it off with the new Cloud Rat album, Threshold, and these guys are a grindcore band from Michigan that I've been a fan of for years, but they haven't released a proper album in some time. They have put out a lot of splits, EPs, and compilation albums over the last few years. I was looking forward to their new one, because if there's a grindcore band worth paying attention to, it's this one. This album also absolutely delivers. It's a punishing half-hour of grindcore with some traces of mathcore and hardcore, so fans of those genres should find something to enjoy here, too.

4. Terror - Pain Into Power

Terror is a hardcore staple at this point, kind of like a few other bands I've talked about on the list, but that doesn't mean any of their music hits less hard. Their new album, Pain Into Power, is one hell of a record. This album features George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher of Cannibal Corpse, of all people, but for 18 minutes, this thing goes off. This is the best the band has ever sounded, and while I was never the biggest fan of them in the past, this one and their last album really changed my mind on them and got me relly into them.

3. Seth MacFarlane - Blue Skies

Jazz is most certainly a genre that's underrepresented on my list, as well as many other peoples', but the new album from Seth MacFarlane, entitled Blue Skies, changes that. You may know him as the creator of Family Guy, American Dad, and The Orville, as well as starring on all of those shows (in the cases of Family Guy and American Dad, voicing multiple characters, no less), as well as writing and directing the Ted movies, but he also has a music career that he started a little over a decade ago. I knew he released music, but after getting into Family Guy for the first time in a decade, I found that he put out a lot of music. As I write this, I'm also currently getting into his Christmas album, 2014's Holiday For Swing, but he released a great album this year, entitled Blue Skies. This record is meant to be a lot of fun and energetic, versus sour and downtrodden compared to his last LP, and it delivers on the energy. MacFarlane has always opted to have a sound like that of Frank Sinatra, whom he owes a lot of credit to, not just for his sound, but his voice has an eerily uncanny resemblance to the late crooner, and it sounds fantastic. I almost thought this would have been my most played album this year, but instead it's Jack Harlow's debut, which I'm not too surprised by, but that's still kind of strange.

2. Municipal Waste - Electrified Brain

Ever since Municipal Waste dropped The Last Rager EP a couple of years ago, I've been eagerly awaiting a new album, especially since their last album came out in 2017. Electrified Brain, their new album, has been one of my favorite albums for the majority of the year, at least since it came out. I can play this album front to back all day and not get sick of it. This is so much fun. In a year that was also pretty bad, Electrified Brain brought the party. This is what Municipal Waste does best, and for a party thrash / crossover record, no one does it better than these guys. If you want a good time, and you don't care about being challenged or feeling like you have to think (which is not a slight against the band, but you don't need to put on your thinking cap when listening to a song like "Ten Cent Beer Night," or something like that), you'll have a ton of fun with this one.

1. Undeath - It's Time... To Rise From The Grave.

This is it, folks -- my favorite album of the year. When this LP came out in the beginning, there was almost no doubt in my mind that this would be my favorite. The new Municipal Waste album is a close second, and if this didn't come out, that would have gotten it, but the new Undeath record, It's Time... To Rise From The Grave, takes the top spot. This meat and potatoes death metal band from New York has this old school sensibility but uses modern production, making for an interesting bridge between the past and present. This record is fun, dumb, and loud, but in all the best ways. I didn't have more fun listening to any other album this year, and these days, fun is what matters most to me. I do like weird and strange albums, but I just like having fun. I just gravitated towards albums that were catchy, fun, and easy to come back to. I do have a few weirder albums here, but a lot of my favorites were just straightforward, which is completely okay. I can't imagine another album that would have taken the top this year, even though my top three were kind of hard to decide, but Undeath seems like the right choice for me.

I'm locking in my list early this year, as I said earlier, but that doesn't mean the reviews will stop. I'm going to slow down, though, and I have some lists together that I want to put out, as well as some ideas for other things. I might review some Christmas albums, but I'm excited to see what comes out next year. Metallica just announced a new album a couple of weeks ago, so that's exciting, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I just wanted to say that I have some things in the works, but if you read anything I put out, or you support me in any way, thank you. Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and happy New Year. Cheers.

[putschki1969]

Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 Review

Note: I FINALLY got my package. Now that I watched the full live in HD, I thought I would share m thoughts and a little present below the cut ^_^ As always, I would like to encourage everyone to SUPPORT Wakana by BUYING her Blu-ray!!! Her sales numbers aren’t the greatest which is a huge shame since this is a solid release.

Overall thoughts: I got the Limited Edition of course since I couldn’t resist the pretty sleeve packaging, the bonus documentary (so insightful) and the photobook (scans coming up soon). It is quite pricey but totally worth the money, especially if you are among those fans who liked “Magic Moment” much more than Wakana’s debut album. The release comes with a gorgeous clearfile as tokuten so be sure to get it! Try going for the Regular Edition if you want to save money. As for the live itself, it was a pleasure to watch and I can see myself rewatching it a lot (skipping a few songs though :P). Wakana’s voice coaching lessons are definitely starting to pay off. She has so much stamina these days. Can you believe that this was her SECOND live performance of the day? Her vocals were solid, even during her high-demand power ballads. At rarely any point did she sound overly-screechy to my ears, there were certain sections that didn’t sound 100% smooth but those parts definitely didn’t take away from my  overall enjoyment. On a side note, this live was a feast for the eyes, Wakana looked absolutely beautiful in her white dress and I even liked her encore outfit even though it was a little “out there” XD During the more up-beat songs, her smile literally lit up the entire hall. Seeing her have so much fun on stage is healing. I feel like they may have gone a little overboard on the blurry filters from time to time but I guess that was on purpose. 

1.揺れる春: 6/10. This is obviously the perfect cute intro for a Spring Lives so I understand why Wakana put it here but I would have much preferred “breathing” as a grand entrance. Still so sad that this is the only song from the “magic moment” album that didn’t make it onto the setlist of this live. I know, we already got an official audio recording but I would have loved some video footage to accompany it :P Anyways, back to Yureru Haru. I haven’t really warmed up to the song yet. It’s not bad and I honestly love the verses since they are super precious and feel kinda nostalgic but the chorus doesn’t stand out imo. Also, her singing style during parts of the chorus isn’t my favourite and not overly flattering. 2.where: 4/10. Oh no!! I was hoping Wakana would be singing the “ohhhohhhs”. She could have easily done it during the start and middle part of the song since it wasn’t overlapping with her other vocals. This seems so rushed? Is it just me? I haven’t listened to the studio version in a while but I know that I quite enjoyed that and it definitely didn’t make me feel as fidgety as this. Don’t know what it is exactly but it keeps me from getting into the song. I guess this is the biggest disappointment for me because I wanted to like it. 3.君だけのステージ: 4/10. I will admit it, this is not my favourite song. It’s just way too long :P But it is a very good and energetic performance, really no complaints when it comes to Wakana. But experiencing it live at the venue would have made it so much better for me. Oh well, nothing that can be done about it. The scat part at the end was a pleasant surprise. Would have loved to hear more of that. 4.442: 100/10. Honestly a masterpiece. One of Wakana’s best solo songs up-to-date and so very perfect to show off her vocals. Hearing it live like this with a band arrangement is a revelation. I love the wailing in the beginning and all the strength she conveys throughout the rest of the song. 5.ひらり ひらり: 3/10. Another song I haven’t warmed up to yet. No real thoughts. It’s one of those songs that’s just very forgettable, not bad per se but there is just nothing at all that attracts me to it. :-( As you can tell, I wasn’t entirely happy with some of the setlist choices. Wakana obviously wanted to include all the album songs but some of them are just not my cup of tea T_T 6.夕焼け: 6/10. This is one of the pieces that gets better every time I listen to it. And the latter half of the song is generally much nicer. I am always surprised by how much I actually like it when it’s over :P 7.アキノサクラ Acoustic ver.: 7/10. I am distracted by that harmonica sound-alike thingy Satoshi Takebe is playing XD Still, I have come to really like this song last winter so it is always appreciated, especially the acoustic version. Wakana is struggling a bit during the ending but nothing too bad. 8.myself: 100/10. Utter perfection. So much better than the studio version. And I am not saying this because I disliked the studio version, quite the contrary actually, I LOVED it but these two versions are honestly miles apart. Wakana’s live performance feels so much more raw and emotional. And her vocals in this are pretty much flawless, I can’t even begin to describe how this song makes me feel. A perfect ballad for Wakana. 9.メロディー (Cover): 8/10. My first reaction was boring. But by the third listen I was totally smitten and now it’s among my faves from this live. Be sure to give it a few tries, it really grows on you. I can tell why Takebe would choose this for Wakana. 10.元気を出して (Cover): 8/10. Ahhhhh, so freaking cute and old-school. Nothing beats a nostalgic, fluffy pop song from the 80s. I am here for this content. The “lalalas” at the end are LOVE. 11.オレンジ: 6/10. I like the song but I have to be in the mood for it. And here we have that fake harmonica thingy again. I enjoy the sound of a harmonica about as much as the sound of an accordion (which means not at all :P) but it fits the vibe of the song so I am okay with it. The bridge is usually my favourite part but Wakana’s delivery wasn’t as smooth as I would have liked. It was nice to have this right after “Genki wo Dashite” because both are encouraging pick-me-ups. 12.恋はいつも: 10/10. One day I wanna hear her sing the “baby, baby” part!! Please! Another absolutely highlight, you all know that I ADORE  this song, I could listen to this FOREVER. It’s such a shame the corona guidelines do not allow the audience to sing along because the ending is so much more powerful if everyone is actually singing instead of just clapping. 13.Happy Hello Day: 8/10. Such a feel-good piece. Initially I didn’t like it much but seeing it performed with an audience during her Music Party and now here, has really made me fall in love with it. I have mentioned it before in my initial reaction to the YouTube leak but I wish she would have sung some lalalas at the end just as she did during her Music Party. 14.magic moment: 9/10. I KNEW I would love this song more once I got to hear it live. I still feel like the composition is a bit choppy and thus not as flowy as I would have liked from a power ballad like this but OMG, Wakana’s live performance is EVERYTHING. Blown away by her powerful vocals, she OWNS this song 15.時を越える夜に: 10/10. Two power ballads back to back. What more could I ask for? I know not many people liked Wakana’s solo debut but I personally always thought it was perfect for her. I consider this to be one of her best songs. Say what you will about Takebe but he certainly knows how to make Wakana shine, at least in my opinion. And the song has only gotten better with every live performance. Although I think I preferred the version from her Voice Tour. So very glad we got at least one track from Wakana’s first album. The original setlist actually included Kinmokusei and Kioku no Hito which are two of my faves (they were later exchanged with the two covers). 16.春を待つ (Kalafina Cover): 8/10. Despite this being one of Keiko’s favourite Kala-songs I never could bring myself to really appreciate it. It’s just an okay song for me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it quite a bit but I don’t go out of my way to listen to it. However, I very much loved Wakana’s cover though, she does a good job singing everyone’s lines and since the original doesn’t have any harmonies her solo performance doesn’t feel too lacking. 17.あとひとつ: 10/10. Always a treat. Can’t believe this STILL hasn’t gotten an official release :P  But I understand Wakana’s reasoning, she wants to keep this song a unique live experience and it really is. I can’t help but tear up whenever she is singing this.

Documentary: I haven’t watched all of it yet but OMG, this is so cool. The first 20 minutes are dedicated to rehearsals. I love seeing Wakana like this, just being her cute dorky self. But poor baby, it was hard seeing her this exhausted after the big studio rehearsal (that’s what the gif is from - being her overdramatic self, she literally dropped dead to the floor). The second half of the documentary is Wakana talking about the production of the live and the different songs of the setlist. 

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 Google Drive (3,11 GB) 🎁

Documentary of Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 Google Drive (1 GB) 🎁

Wakana Spring Live ～magic moment～ 2021 MP3s Google Drive 🎁

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[starf]

StarF’s Top Ten Albums of 2020

Another year, another list. Let’s not even bother with the preamble this time around, you get what it is.

10. I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - RAZZMATAZZ

Let me tell you right now, I struggled with this tenth spot. There were about four albums that were pretty much tied once I narrowed it down this far because it was a jam-packed year. Ultimately though I had to give it to iDKHOW for their smooth brand of piano rock-pop. This is their debut album and it brought the heat. While it didn't dazzle me immediately, with every subsequent listen I feel a little more of that promised razzmatazz from the title. I also absolutely love the ballad "Nobody Likes The Opening Band," which will certainly be a fun song to hear them perform some day whether they're the opener or not.

9. The Front Bottoms - In Sickness & In Flames

The last offering from The Front Bottoms, Going Gray, left me feeling a little lukewarm. In Sickness & In Flames, however, is a much stronger return to form for the band in my opinion. Some people say all of The Front Bottoms' albums sound the same, and maybe that's a little bit true. But maybe 2020 is the year that we needed to hear some new Front Bottoms material. It was a strange time for all of us, and in these times this kind of album just hits different. From the optimistic opening of "everyone blooms" to the infectious singalong moments of "Fairbanks, Alaska," this album is a good time all around.

8. The Used - Heartwork

Did you know The Used is still around? Not only still around, but apaprently they never went away! When I saw that they had released a new album early in the year I assumed it was a comeback, but I was wrong! For me there was a 12 year gap since I had personally listened to a new Used album, and this one blew me away in a big way. They're still going big, going hard, and rocking their signature sound - but updated for the modern age. This is a band that has managed to hold on to their roots while successfully adapting and progressing into the future.

7. Oliver Tree - Ugly Is Beautiful

Where do you even start with an artist like Oliver Tree? An absolute master of internet marketing, the release of this album was a tortured and dragged out experience, like a person chasing a 20 dollar bill on a string and having it constantly pulled away over and over again. By the time it came out it was a little disheartening that an entire half of the album had already been released via single, but overall it is undeniably a powerhouse of a pop album and a strong showing from Oliver Tree. A strange character, but an impossibly catchy album with earworm after earworm.

6. The World/Inferno Friendship Society - All Borders Are Porous To Cats

I pretty much always enjoy any offering from this band, but to varying degrees. Their last few albums have certainly been good to my ears, but for whatever reason just didn't resonate enough with me to earn a spot in my top ten. This album is clearly different though, and keeps me enthralled the entire way. With their unique brand of punk-jazz-cabaret, All Borders Are Porous To Cats tells the story of one Mr. Cat In The Hat, and it's a wild ride that you're going to want to hear.

5. Run The Jewels - RTJ4

One of the most biting and necessary releases of the year, RTJ4 dropped right when we needed to hear it most, and for free no less. It's my personal opinion that Run The Jewels continue to get better with every release they put out, and their fourth showing is easily my favorite so far. El-P and Killer Mike come through with some of their sharpest bars and heaviest beats yet. It's just a shame that for how much history repeats we as society still haven't learned some of the lessons that an album like this continues to attempt to teach us.

4. Aesop Rock - Spirit World Field Guide

Spirit World Field Guide is not a typical Aesop Rock album, but then again what is? Back in 2016 I fell in love with the album The Impossible Kid, an accessible (by Aes standards) album that hooked me in immediately. Spirit World is a different beast that took me off guard the first time I heard it, and left me a little bit lost - but that almost seems to be the intent. An absolute monster of an album coming in at 21 tracks and over an hour, this thing wasn't necessarily meant to be ingested all at once, or even in the order presented. The more I revisit it the more I put the pieces together and enjoy it more and more.

3. Poppy - I Disagree

Let's take a journey all the way back to January before the world entirely fell apart. I discovered Poppy for the first time through this album and was quickly intrigued. Going back through her older music, and then her YouTube, and slowly unraveling the mystery that is Poppy was perhaps some of the most fun I've had experiencing an artist's work in years - all topped off with seeing her perform live that month, the last large live music show I've been to. I Disagree is an eclectic blend of pop, metal, and strange curiosity. It starts off right away with the oddball banger Concrete and promises to weed out those who aren't prepared to take the mental trip through this album right away. It's not for everyone, but it's definitely for me.

2. Jeff Rosenstock - N O  D R E A M

Well here we are! The number one spot! You guessed it, it's Jeff Rose- what? This isn't number one? Well that can't be right, hold on. Nope, I guess that's correct. The new Jeff Rosenstock album, N O  D R E A M comes in at number two this year, a fact that will probably shock and confuse anyone who knows me. This is the proof that Jeff doesn't automatically get my number one spot if he releases an album, but with all of that out of the way, let's talk about the album.

In a Post-Post- world we see Jeff returning to a more traditional take on putting together an album, rather than simply rushing through it to get the feelings out of his head (both perfectly valid approaches). N O  D R E A M continues to explore themes of being lost and confused in such a soul-crushing and increasingly overwhelming world - all while attempting to find the silver linings and be optimistic about where we're headed. Whether it's the world at large or a personal journey, this album is an anthem to a year that saw most people holding their head in their hands and saying "please, just, let's all get through this, okay?"

1. Will Wood - The Normal Album

Wow. Just wow. Okay, where to begin? I was listening to a random Spotify radio when it started playing a song by Will Wood & The Tapeworms called "Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!" Intrigued by the style of the song, as well as the title, I clicked through and listened to their most recent album which was 2016's "Self-Ish." I thought it was really good! I enjoyed it a lot and continued to listen to it for about a week. At that point when I started digging further into the band I learned that there was actually an even newer album entitled The Normal Album, categorized on Spotify under just Will Wood, which is why I hadn't previously found it.

I enjoyed Self-Ish, but hearing The Normal Album took it to an entirely new album and blew me away in a way that I haven't experienced in years. This wasn't just a great album, this was one of those musical discoveries where you think "oh wow, this is something I can't live without going forward." Will Wood is exactly what I needed in the back half of 2020 to keep my sanity, and even now I still listen to this album usually at least once a day. It's perfectly crafted in every sense of the world. Not a single second is wasted or out of place. The technical skill is in full display without muddling the pure enjoyment of the melodies or taking away from the overall vibe of the songs. The writing is some of the sharpest and dense I've ever seen, without being undecipherable or inaccessible. This is an album that truly does it all.

The feeling I have when I listen to this album and attempt to get people to listen to it is identical to how I felt about Jeff Rosenstock in the late 2000's, back before he had sort of blown up. Will Wood certainly has a following, but his music is definitely niche at the moment and somewhat obscure. Much in the same way that eventually people listened to me about Jeff, I hope they will find out about Will. Everyone should hear this album. It's breath-takingly perfect.

[burberryharold]

Alone Together

Part One 

Hello, guys! I’ve finally come around to writing my first fanfic on Tumblr and to say that I’m excited would be an understatement. I’ve had this idea for a while now and I’m hoping you guys like it; Alone Together follows the journey of Ellie and Harry through this rough period of quarantine. It’s just a little something I thought of and decided to have fun with it and make the best out of the current situation, so I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think! This is gonna be a series but I haven’t settled on how long it’s gonna be yet, but for now here’s Part One of Alone Together.

February 25th, Tuesday

Ellie huffed and wiped her forehead, taking notice of the dark strands of hair clinging onto her face from the sweat. She deeply regretted sending off the moving people, insisting that she can handle the rest of the boxes herself. Big mistake. She was by no means weak or incapable of lifting heavy items, but after a long day of moving back and forth from her old flat to her new one, Ellie was absolutely exhausted. In retrospect, she realised that she should not have moved all of her things in one day, but it’s too late, she has to face the consequences of her decision. Damn me for thinking that this was a good idea, Ellie thought to herself.

Staring at the boxes in the hallway in hopes that they would magically move themselves, Ellie failed to notice that someone walked out of the elevator and was heading in her direction.

“Ellie? Ellie Heart? Is that you?” a deep yet familiar voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

Ellie’s hand flew to her chest as she gasped at the sudden voice, “Bloody hell, you scared the shit out of me!”

She finally opened her eyes to look at the person as he chuckled; her jaw dropped at the familiar sights of chocolate curls and green eyes. “Harry? What? What are you doing here?” she questioned with wide eyes. 

Her heart fluttered at the sight of him; she had not seen Harry in quite a while and was shocked to see him standing outside of her new flat. “Are you stalking me, Styles? Is that what this is?” she jokingly narrowed her eyes at him, resting her hands on her hips.

Harry ‘s bright eyes twinkled in amusement.

“Oh yes, Heart, that’s exactly what I’m doing, you caught me.” He raised his hands in surrender.

Ellie's smile widened at his words and she started taking in his attire. He was sporting a pair of grey sweatpants and a black hoodie with “Treat People With Kindness” printed on it, despite it being an abnormally warm afternoon. She smiled at his choice of outfit and decided to tease him for it, “Nice hoodie you got there, Harry, I see you’re still your usual narcissistic self.”

Harry threw his head back in laughter at her words, “Good to see that you’re still as funny as I remember you, Ellie, it’s been a while.” He flashed her another bright smile and gestured to the boxed discarded along the hallway, “I take it that you’re just moving in?”

Ellie nodded, suddenly remembering that she’s standing in front of him drenched in sweat and looking disheveled, while he managed to look like he just stepped out of a runway, despite his casual outfit. “Just moved literally all of my things here today, which was a huge mistake if I’m being honest, but yeah.” She paused after taking notice of the grocery bags resting beside his feet, “Wait, do you live here as well?”

There were only three flats on this floor, hers, the one right across from her, and another just at the end of the hallway. “This is me, just moved in here recently actually,” Harry pointed at the door beside him, “My house is being fumigated because of bloody termites and I’ve been meaning to do some renovations, so this seemed like an appropriate time. Can’t go back home for a few weeks so.”

A shy smile made its way onto Ellie’s lips, “Guess we’ll be neighbours for the meantime then, huh?”

She marveled at the sight of his dimples, “I’m looking forward to it.”

Ellie tried to ignore the way her heart started pounding faster at the prospect of having Harry so close to her for a few weeks. It’s just a little crush, El, let it go.

Ellie being a huge fan of Harry is no secret to anyone that knows her, not even to Harry himself she fears. Even as a One Direction-obsessed teenager, she’s always paid Harry a little extra attention. When his debut album came out, Ellie was beyond ecstatic. She had known that Harry was a fan of artists like the Rolling Stones and Fleetwood Mac, and she definitely felt their influences on him in music, both in his solo career and in One Direction. So, despite being absolutely devastated that the band is on a hiatus, Ellie can’t deny that she is enjoying their solo careers.

They had originally met back in 2014 when Julian Bunnetta first introduced them to each other. She’d known Julian for about a year, having worked on a number of songs with him. She was no stranger to his close relationship to the band, but she had never expected to ever meet any of the members. Needless to say, Ellie was floored when she saw Julian approaching her, at the party he dragged her to, with the tall, handsome boy beside him.

Julian smirked at her wide eyes, “El, this is Harry, but you already knew that,” he sent her a wink. “H, this is Ellie, the songwriter I’ve been telling you about.”

Had she heard him correctly? Did he just say that he has talked about her to Harry Styles?

Ellie had to pull herself together as the boy smiled in recognition, “Hello, Ellie, it’s good to finally meet you! Been hearing a lot of things about you, this guy won’t stop talking about how insanely talented you are.”

Ellie thinks she’s about to faint.

She’s met a couple of celebrities from working alongside Julian, but she has never been this starstruck before. And the fact that Julian has been praising her songwriting talent in front of Harry does not help ease her erratic heartbeat.

“I- uh- thanks?” She wanted to facepalm. “You too- I mean, um, thank you, I’m such a huge fan of you guys.”

Harry chuckled at her response, “Thank you, Julian may or may not have mentioned that before.”

She narrowed her eyes at Julian, who had an amused expression on his face. “Oh yeah, told him all about your crazy obsession with him.”

“Julian!” Ellie groaned and covered her face with her hands, feeling the warmth rushing to her cheeks, “You bloody knobhead, I hate you.”

“Don’t worry, love” Harry laughed, “he only had good things to say about you, and if anything, I’m flattered.”

Ever since that night, they’ve only ran into each other two other times, which Ellie was disappointed about. Once when she had worked with the band on What A Feeling, and another back in January 2019. Ellie was surprised when her friend Tom Hull called her one night and invited her to the studio, saying that he and a friend of his were struggling with a song and he wanted her help. She hadn’t hesitated and went to meet him the following day at a studio in Malibu. What Tom had failed to mention was that his friend was Harry Styles, who was working on his second album.

Her eyes had noticeably widened when they fell upon the tall figure standing in the corner, talking to someone on the phone. She immediately darted towards her friend and pinched his arm, “You didn’t think to tell me that Harry was here?” she whispered-exclaimed. A wide grin painted Tom’s lips, “Thought I’d surprise you.”

Since then, after spending a whole day helping them with the verse and the bridge on a song called Canyon Moon, Ellie hasn’t seen the rockstar. Until now.

She didn’t even think it was possible for him to look any more beautiful than he already is, but he’s managed to prove her wrong. The light stubble and mustache that graced his face made him look more mature; she remembered how he had once complained about not being able to grow any facial hair, but it seems like that has changed.

Looking that good should be a crime, she thought to herself.

Harry cleared his throat, pulling her out of her thoughts yet again, “D’you need any help with that?”

Ellie was about to shake her head and refuse, but then she bit her lip and paused. She doesn’t know if it’s because she’s exhausted, or if she just misses his presence and wants him around her for a little bit longer. She figured it was a combination of both, and that’s why she found herself saying “Actually, yeah, I’d really appreciate that.”

“Hold on a minute,” he pointed to the bags in his hands and gestured to his flat, “gotta put those inside first.”

Ellie was busy hauling a box that held her cutlery and plates into her kitchen when she heard Harry calling out for her. “Love? Where do you want me to put this?”

She tried not to think of the pet name, assuring herself that that’s just who Harry is; he’s always friendly and charming, calling people around him “love” or “sweetheart”, but it makes her heart skip a beat nevertheless.

The box had “Bedroom” messily written on it and so she pointed towards the hallway on her left, “Just down the hallway, first room on the right, please.”

His short curls bounced as he nodded his head and carried the box to her room with ease. She couldn’t help but stare at the way his arms flexed holding the box; he’d changed from his sweatshirt into a fitted black t-shirt, emphasising his muscles.

Ellie silently scolded herself for staring and went back out to the hallway, carrying yet another box. This one, however, was much heavier than the rest. She had packed all of her vases together and now sees how it was a bad idea. God, Ellie, you’re just making dumb decisions left and right, she thought silently.

She groaned as the box weighed her down and struggled to not drop it. “Hey, hey, let me.”

Harry suddenly appeared in front of her, reaching his hands out to take the box. In the process, his hands brushed hers and it took everything in Ellie to not drop the box. She felt like a silly kid, freaking out over touching a boy’s hand, but this was Harry. The same Harry who she admired and has had a crush on for as long as she can remember; she can’t just ignore the feeling of his soft hands against hers.

Get it together, Ellie.

“Thank you,” she flashed him a guilty smile, “careful, that one’s heavy.”

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing,” Harry smirked and held the box as if it was as light as a feather, flexing his arms in the process, “see these guns over here? They can handle anything.”

She stopped herself from staring at his arms yet again and instead rolled her eyes, “Okay then, Superman, go put that in the living room, please.”

Harry let out a laugh and made his way towards her living room, making a show of flexing his arms and looking at her over his shoulders.

Ellie really missed him.

Once Harry and Ellie had finished moving everything into her flat, she invited him to have a drink and a little chat, to which he delightfully agreed.

After settling comfortably into the couch, with a bottle of beer in his hand, Harry turned his body towards Ellie’s and smiled, “How have you been then? Haven’t seen each other in a long time now, haven’t we?”

Ellie relaxed into her couch and nodded, “Yeah, a little over a year since I last saw you and Tommy at the studio.”

“I’ve worked on a few projects since then,” she took a sip of her drink then shook her head, “no, actually, I have worked on a lot of projects and I’ve decided to just take a break from it all.”

“A break? How come?” Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, “I remember you saying you loved writing all the time, in fact, think you said that you couldn’t go on a day without writing at least a few lines.”

Ellie’s insides almost melted at his soft, slow voice; she’s always loved the way Harry spoke. 

“I did yeah, but everyone needs a little break sometimes,” the corners of her lips turned a little upwards, surprised that he remembered. “I didn’t feel as inspired as I used to be, felt like I was just a machine producing lyrics, so I figured now is a good time to take a break and be free of any pressures.”

Harry held her gaze for a second before nodding his head. “Yeah, I get that,” he said with a soft tone, “sometimes even the thing you love doing the most can get exhausting.”

Ellie breathed out a soft sigh, knowing the meaning behind his words.

“Well, look at you now, you’re the one in complete control, aren’t ya?” she nudged his thigh with her foot that was resting on the couch. He smiled at her words.

“Loved the new album, by the way,” she sat upright, as if she suddenly remembered that he released his second album not too long ago. “Never got to congratulate you on that.”

A bright smile graced Harry’s face. “Really? You did?”

She hummed in affirmation, “How could I not? It’s so fucking good. The lyrics, the melodies, everything. You were amazing, H.”

Ellie didn’t realise what she called him until the words were out of her mouth, but Harry didn’t seem to mind. She was well aware that they were not exactly friends, having met only a few times, and she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

Harry avoided her gaze and bashfully stared at his lap, “Thank you, means a lot coming from you.”

A blush burned its way to Ellie’s cheeks, wondering what he meant exactly by that, but she didn’t question it.

“Uh,” Harry cleared his throat before continuing, “what’s your favourite song then?” He asked, looking up at her through his dark lashes.

“Oh that is a tough question,” Ellie set her drink down on the coffee table and turned to him, a serious expression etched on her face. “This is gonna take a while.”

After an intense and thorough explanation of why she can’t simply choose one favourite song off of Fine Line— because, Harry, I love every song too fucking much— Ellie noticed that she’s kept Harry busy for the last two hours.

Ellie started panicking. I wasted so much of his time! What if he didn’t even want to hang out with me?

“Oh God, Harry, I’m so sorry,” she started apologising, feeling her hands getting clammy, “I’ve wasted two hours of your time and you probably had things to do-”

Frowning at her words, Harry abruptly sat up from his previous laid back position on the couch. “’course you didn’t waste my time, love, don’t say that,”

“I didn’t have anything else to do today. Went out to do a shop and I planned to stay in and watch movies, so I’m glad I ran into you.”

Ellie’s shoulders visibly relaxed and a smile made its way onto her lips, “I’m glad I ran into you too, it was nice catching up.”

She had definitely missed the curly-haired boy; she was still having a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that he’s sitting right here on her couch, but she knew he had to go soon.

“It was, and I really hope we don’t spend another year without seeing each other again.”

Warmth coursed through her body. Me too.

Harry‘s mouth opened and closed, seeming as if he had something to say then decided against it. She noticed he was playing around with the rings on his fingers, twisting them around.

“Tell you what,” Harry started, turning his focus towards her again, “how about I give you my number? You know, in case of emergency or anything since we’re neighbours now.”

Ellie mentally cursed her genes as she could feel herself blushing again, for absolutely no reason. She’s always been the type of person to get flustered and blush at everything, just like her father. Be cool, Ellie, or he’s gonna think you’re weird.

She merely nodded her head in response and mechanically handed him her phone. Harry chuckled at her and grabbed the small device. He put in his number and gave her the device back, having put his contact name as “H. Styles”

“Just text me so I know it’s you, yeah?” he rose from the couch, stretching his muscles from sitting for too long. Ellie stood up too and walked him to the door, watching as he made his way into his own flat across the hall.

After unlocking his door, Harry turned back to face her. “Have a good night, yeah? Don’t hesitate to call or text me if you need any help, okay?”

Ellie wanted to take a picture of him right then and there. The dim lights in the hallway cast a soft glow on his face, making his features look even more ethereal and soft.

“You too,” She pulled a few strands of her hair behind her ear and leaned her body against her door frame. “And thank you, that’s very sweet of you.”

He flashed her another smile and put up his hand in a small wave, the both of them backing up into their own flats and ready to close the door.

Ellie wasn’t sure if it was just the lighting or if Harry was really blushing, but she likes to think that it was the latter.

Once she made it back into her living room, she picked up her phone and typed in a new message.

“Hey, it’s me, your weird neighbour across the hall :)”

And that’s all for part one guys! What do you think about it? This part is short because I’m just introducing the story and our main character Miss Ellie Heart, but the next ones are gonna be longer so brace yourselves.  I’m so glad to finally get back to writing! Everyone is quarantined at home because of COVID-19 and I have more time on my hands now to write. Let me know what you think about this and if you’d like to read the next part, I’d really love to know what you guys think!

Remember, stay home and stay safe xx

[sometime-in-1995]

hi i saw ur post about sm and the graduation system and i’m kinda new to kpop and kpop companies, i was wondering if u could explain what the graduation system is?

Hi! Uhm Okay, please bare with me 'coz I don't know where to start or how to explain this properly but I'll try lol

Let's start with history, shall we?

So a graduation system is basically a group concept made by SM Entertainment a music label/entertainment company where SJ, SNSD, SHINEE, F(X), NCT, EXO, TVXQ, RED VELVET, BOA & others are housed. So as per my knowledge, the 'Graduation System' was first applied or given to Super Junior when they debuted in 2005 making their debut album titled as 'Super Junior '05'. Meaning, the 12-member original lineup back then will be reorganized (idk if that's the proper term) based on their performance making the members work hard or do their best if they want to be part of the next lineup for Super Junior '06. It's like competing with your own members. So basically, every year or every comeback, there's a different or a new set of members. On the following year (2006), they added another member which was Kyuhyun making SJ a 13-member group, the largest pop group in history so far at that time. There were backlash when Kyuhyun was added. Fans (ELF) were worried and threatened about the instability of the group and the uncertainty of the concept that they have. Fans were worried about the members' future after going through intense training for yearsss so basically they didn't like it. And then in 2007, SM introduced another new member featuring which was Henry in SJ's 'Don't Don' comeback. Backlash continued. SM didn't expect that SJ's first and original lineup would appeal to the public like that, afterall, SJ was known to be 'TVXQ's leftovers'... damn writing this hurts... After all the backlash that SM received, they never tried adding anymore members into SJ and cancelled the 'graduation system'. They made Henry and ZhouMi (both are Chinese) members of Super Junior - M (SJ's sub-unit based and marketed in China) instead. Yes, just a member of the sub-unit, not the main group. If you still don't know since you're new to KPop, SJ was the first group to ever venture into sub-units. Considering they have large number of members, SM saw this opportunity to utilize their artists. It's like value adding. The first sub-unit in KPop was Super Junior - K.R.Y, a ballad sub-unit composed of SJ's main vocalists: Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, & Yesung. So yeah, the graduation/rotational system failed with SJ. They remained as a 13-member group since then (15-members actually including sub-unit members Henry & ZhouMi) Basically, SJ was a lab rat for SM, an experimental group. They gave the graduation system to them and tested the sub-unit thing as trial and error.

Fast forward to 2012, SM debuted EXO with 12 members as a whole divided into 2 sub-units which were EXO - M (Mandarin; based in China) and EXO - K (Korea) with 6 members each. There were no graduation system in EXO although they are an improved version of the sub-unit concept given, tried and tested first by SJ. SM would like to think that they left the errors they encountered with SJ's sub-unit system and then apply the 'improved' version of it to EXO. Did it also fail? You tell me. I'm seriously hoping that history won't repeat itself on WayV. Once you get deeper into Kpop especially into SM groups, you'll see eventually the connection, trend, similarites and differences between SJ, EXO & NCT (SM's largest groups) and also their Chinese sub-units, Super Junior - M, EXO - M, and WayV respectively and realize how SM worked around this concept of graduation/rotational system and infinite members and infinite possibilities that they gave NCT.

Fast forward to 2016, NCT debuted with its first sub-unit NCT U which has this rotational concept. Apparently, in NCT's case, rotational system and graduation was made separate and different. Any member in NCT regardless of what fixed unit they belong to could debut and release a song & MV as a member of NCT U depending on whoever fits the song. It could be a duo, a solo, a trio, or indefinite number of members.

SM would like to think that they left the errors they encountered with SJ's graduation system and then apply the 'improved' version of it to NCT Dream. NCT Dream debuted in 2016 with the original lineup of 7 members composed of Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle, & Jisung. They were literally just 14 - 18 years old (Korean age) back then, teenagers. And the graduation system that SM gave them was that when they reach the age of adulthood which is 20y.o in Korea, they have to 'graduate' or leave the group and re-debut separately into another fixed unit which is based in another country's city ('coz SM was planning to conquer the world through music somehow lol). So after reaching the age of 20, these kids who literally grew up together as childhood friends are bound to be separated. Mark turned 20y.o in 2018 and graduated by the end of the same year. The members threw him a Kamsa (Thank You) Party which is like a send-off party around Christmas time of 2018. He was no longer part of NCT Dream's activity or comebacks after that nor seen together with the other NCT Dream's members unless it's a full group (NCT as whole) activity. So in 2019, 00liners Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, & Jaemin turned 20y.o and were expected to graduate from the sub-unit at the end of the year just like Mark. But SM announced concert tour schedules for NCT Dream on November of 2019. Til 2020 came and Chenle also turned 20y.o and SM never mentioned anything about the graduation. Not until today April 14, 2020 where they finally broke their silence and announced that NCT Dream's graduation system is abolished and will adopt NCT U's rotational system instead making NCT Dream a fixed unit. I know this might cause confusion later on especially for new NCTzens so I'm gonna clear it up here now. NCT U's rotational system includes everyone in NCT and give them opportunity to collaborate and release a song regardless of the sub-unit they belong to. While NCT Dream's rotational system is only exclusive to NCT Dream's 7 members: Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle, & Jisung.

SM isn't really good at taking back whatever they've started, they'll see to it that at some point, they'll still be able to push through their original plan. That's why I said on my previous post that they've 'compromised'. They didn't give in to our demands, they've 'compromised' thinking that this is the 'best' they could give us given the situation.

Other people say it's no big deal, they're still in the same group just not in the same sub-unit. Or they're just separated in sub-units, it doesn't mean they're no longer friends which is all true. But if it's just something that light of a thing to deal with, it wouldn't affect the members so much. SJ have mentioned in some ocassions before that the graduation/rotational system they had during debut was extremely hard on them because even if they didn't want to, the concept made them look at their members, their friends as rivals. It made them compete with each other. The managers kinda pressured them into thinking that way, the company made them feel that way. They were still budding into adulthood back then, around 18- 22y.o. They were struggling because their concept gave them so much uncertainty. Imagine joining the company at a young age aspiring to debut as an artist so you could put food on the table for your family (because most of SJ members came from poor families) so you went through years of intense training and then to debut in a group where your future isn't assured. While for NCT Dream, since they are childhood friends, some of them have said on ocassions before (specifically Jaemin & Jisung) that aside from their members, they don't have friends. Because they've dedicated their childhood in intense training. They didn't have the time to mingle with other kids in school because right after classes, they'd go straight to training so the only friends they know and have are their members. Think that all those years they were building that relationship together, while SM were planning to separate them from each other when they turn 20. SM even made Jeno, Haechan & Jaemin drop out of high school just a few months before their high school graduation to focus on NCT Dream's graduation. Think about how they were robbed of that opportunity. I specially/personally feel bad about knowing how Jeno enjoys school and excels in academics. Think about how hard they cried during their first ever concert The Dream Show thinking that it might be their first and last concert together because even themselves don't know what SM plans to do with them after graduation. That's what the 'graduation system' does to young group of people. Although the concept is not all bad, but it's not nice to play with other people's emotions like that. That's why no one wants it.

So yeah, that concludes my explanation. Sorry if it's kinda information overload. I think, while writing, it became more of a vent/rant more than explaining. 😅

If there's any of ya'll who comes across this post may correct me (politely, of course) if any of the info I've wrote were wrong. Thank you. I hope this helps to you dear and to any Kpop newbies out there 😊

[rkjinwook]

• • •  STARTING LIVE!

       02AUG2020  |   🐥 JINWOOK’S HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🥳 🥳        DURATION   |   1:02:22

it’s a cute set, albeit typical for this kind of broadcast. the staff have provided jinwook with a fixed camera framing his mini birthday table, complete with multicolored balloons decorating the back wall. there’s a small tablet to monitor the stream and comment feed, which jinwook fiddles with as he waits. in retrospect, he thinks it would’ve been nicer to hold a more casual conversation with fans for his first solo live, but that might just be the nerves talking.

he fills the silence with music, his guitar in his lap. it’s an everyday sight, but jinwook realizes most fans won’t have heard him play much, so he takes care to warm up cleanly, and warm up his vocals too. he only alternates between a few simple chords, though. it’s the sort of background music he used to hear when he’d occasionally attend church services with eve. as jinwook plays he imagines an audience quietly filing in, taking their seats at his birthday party as they each receive the live notification. finally the staff motions for jinwook that the actual video is starting, and he rests the instrument in his lap, out of view for now.

“hello! i’m convex’s sunshine, jinwook.” the greeting is bright and familiar as he dips his head toward the camera. it’s unlikely that the viewers, who arrived so early from a notification, don’t know his name, but it can’t hurt to start off formally. “today is my birthday! yay!!” also evident from the title and the backdrop. jinwook gives himself a round of applause anyway. then he picks up a party hat from the table and slips the cone over his head. “tada~” 

“since we can’t meet in person, i wanted to greet you all with a live today to celebrate.” there’s a pause as jinwook adjusts the thin elastic of the party hat. he takes a breath. “last year, hmm...” he taps a finger to his cheek as he thinks back. “oh, last year i made cupcakes! i was helping our team sphere on the mgas.. so i couldn’t meet consta that time, either.” jinwook hums in thought, suddenly a bit nostalgic about his time as a coach. he shakes his head. “so i’m excited to try this out now.”

“let’s see...” he says, quickly moving on, “is everyone settling in here alright?” he peers over the tablet and rests a finger over the chat to pause its scrolling speed. the amount of viewers is staggering and the number only keeps rising, but jinwook focuses on the individual users sending messages instead. it’s a relief to see the majority in his native language. “hello and hello and hello,” he says, reading off a string of usernames and greeting each one individually, “and thank you for coming, and thank you for coming, and thank you for coming~!”

when jinwook releases his finger from the screen, the chat jumps back to life, shifting too quickly to read. he frowns and tries to pause it again. it takes some concentration to read off the unusual username combinations, but he does his best.

💬  :  happy bday 🥳 🥳 🥳 💬  :  you look handsome!!! 💬  :  happy birthday oppa~ 💬  :  thank you for being born 💖🎁🎁 💬  :  bare faced jinwook is the best!

“ah, thank you~ hello!! thank you too~ thank you for being by my side! oh! this one...” jinwook is startled into a laugh at the last comment, bringing a hand over his mouth. when he drops his hand he shows his full face to the camera, grinning. “this is definitely not bare faced jinwook, but, still i appreciate you thinking so~”

as he tries to keep reading, he tilts his head and squints. many of the messages are just full of celebrating emoji or animated emotes. it’s less to parse, but more noise to sort through. “ah, so much emoji in chat, you all must’ve learned from me, huh...” he muses.

after another minute he leans back again, his nerves settled. well, jinwook’s never had much trouble even talking to himself, so it shouldn’t surprise him that speaking to a bustling chat window comes naturally, too.

💬  :  did you have a good day so far?

“i’m happy today!” jinwook answers confidently. “my grandmother always wakes up early on sunday mornings, so i called her on the way to practice! and later tonight i’m going to video call with my family. actually i told my sister what time i was going live, so she might be listening too?” jinwook squints back down at the tablet and bites his lower lip. “ah, the chat is going way too fast to tell...”

💬  :  where are the other members!!

“hmm, training?” jinwook grins. “i’m taking a break to talk for right now~ but we are all working very hard otherwise!” he shares another smile, proud of himself for not mentioning anything further - although if his eyes sparkle, he can’t be held responsible. “they might stop by at the end!”

“that reminds me!” jinwook reaches below the table for his bag, pulling out a fresh journal that jaehyun had gifted him in the morning. he holds it up for the camera, proudly showing off the nice foil accents and the fold-out attachment. “my roommate, haru, got me this really pretty notebook. it’s supposed to work as a real midi keyboard.” jinwook’s runs his fingers over the cover. “he has good timing since i am almost out of pages in my old notebook... i’m excited to use it.”

💬  :  oppa’s hair is cool today!

“my hair, ah..” jinwook reaches absently to touch it, pleased. “it grew!” it’s worn longer than it was for pretty u era, freshly dyed and parted down the middle. he’s lucky he’s even allowed to have it showing for the live right now, since it’s a similar shade to his old cut. “i’m kind of happy, since it feels healthy recently...” he chuckles a little, the compliment leading him to another train of thought.

“speaking of cool, consta, did you guys see our call me baby special stage last week?” jinwook looks up to the camera and leans in, curious. “the concept was slightly darker for us, since unit black is so, you know... cool.” jinwook gestures vaguely but laughs at the understatement. it’s not a big enough word to describe some of the biggest superstars in the industry. “we have songs like rock but it’s different from convex‘s usual image, maybe,” he adds thoughtfully, knowing full well that their next comeback is inching in that direction. “do you think we suited it well?”

💬  :  convex is cool too!

jinwook nods, pleased by the positive responses in the chat. “so it was okay, then?” he laughs a little because of course, they’re all biased fans and he asked for it on his birthday, but it’s still reaffirming. “mmm, it still felt a bit refreshing and funky like convex, too. so i think there can be a middle ground,” he says, as if simply imagining how things could evolve in the future. “something smooth like that stage?”

something smooth. jinwook’s thinking of crazy in love, specifically, but the title song itself is an even bigger departure from their pretty u sound and aesthetic. “ah..” he shakes his head with a sheepish grin, “i think i’m rambling a lot.” jinwook takes a dramatic deep breath and collects his thoughts.

then he shifts away from the tablet to pull up the guitar in his lap. “i wanted to answer a lot of messages, but i actually prepared a song for you, too.” he strums a bright chord for emphasis. “it’s nothing fancy but i thought consta would maybe enjoy something like this. so i don’t have to sing happy birthday to myself, or anything,” he jokes.

🎵  :  heartz / minhee&luda — i’ll be there

“this is one of my favorite songs recently! i thought it would be nice for our fans, too.” it’d been an easy choice when jinwook was preparing for this stream. it’s a recent sphere release, plus he’s been listening to and singing the song since it came out, so he already knew most of the words. still, jinwook pulls up the lyrics on the tablet just in case. since he frames it as a fan song, there’s no need to change the gendered parts, although he doesn’t think he would have bothered, either way. 

jinwook only slows the tempo and lowers the key slightly to fit his guitar and his voice. the song has a different energy with an acoustic guitar instead of the bouncy synths, but it’s just as sweet and upbeat. he takes his time, singing all the way through both verses and two choruses. 

just before the bridge, jinwook trails off with a little smile. “ah, i just practiced up until here so far...” he keeps strumming idly as he leans over the tablet again. the comments flood with cheers that jinwook only can read some pieces of. it feels good, though, and jinwook feels confident about the vibe.

he watches several prying questions about heartz fly by in response, and carefully doesn’t acknowledge any of them. “of course i’ve been cheering for heartz,” is all he says. “i really liked around you and vivid also! and i’m excited for the next singles released this week, too.”

💬  :  please a convex song next!!

“oh,” he says, “a convex song?” jinwook takes a break, first, to roll out his wrists. then he hums in thought, searching for something he could play on the spot. “do you remember this one?”

🎵  :  convex — 20

he transitions into a familiar guitar intro. long-time fans might recognize it as the vocal unit song from convex’s debut album, but jinwook is pleased to introduce it to anyone else who’s unfamiliar. personally, he thinks it has held up pretty well over the past two years. “shh—” he mimics the sharp first line, then smiles as he continues strumming and begins to sing.

the song proves difficult to solo, and jinwook wishes he’d thought to prepare more material ahead of time. a medley could’ve been nice, but with all of the comeback preparations going on..... instead jinwook giggles as he trips over the lyrics, attempting the first verse’s backing and lead vocals both together. “hm..” he mumbles, glancing up at the camera. he casually redoes the section to make a decent recovery, and the chorus soars as intended. 

“ah...” says jinwook wistfully after he eases to a stop, “i’ll have to come back to that one someday. that one is nice to sing to consta, too. i always liked the lyrics a lot. you’re my twenties~”

he taps his fingers against the body of the guitar and is reminded of the special day. “but today my twenties are officially half-over, aren’t they? wah... scary....”

twenty-five. he stares blankly toward the tablet, thinking he should follow up: then i’ll just spend the second half of my twenties with consta!

these days, though, it feels like an unfair promise to make.

💬  :  like a gorilla like a gorilla!

his eye catches on one of the suggestions breezing down the chat window, and it interrupts his brooding with a burst of laughter. “gorilla? de:code’s gorilla?” he repeats. he tries a few chords but they’re not in the right key, and jinwook grins as he puts away his guitar on its stand. “i don’t know, that one would be an interesting acoustic cover.” he sings a little phrase of it anyway, a random adlib from the ending: “girl you make me feel~!”

“but!” he points a finger at the camera, not wanting his opinions to be twisted. “maybe one day i could cover their song beautiful, or i’m fine from predebut!”

💬  :  what are you listening to recently?

“hmm... what is new?” jinwook absently adjusts his elastic party hat elastic and pulls out his phone. “i like lee hi’s holo! per_se have a nice summer album.. with o sole mio, and of course...” jinwook hits a pretty falsetto as he opens the music app: “this is how i feel about you, twilight~”

“it’s like twilight, yeah~” he flicks through his playlist and wonders if he should just share screenshots of the whole thing on fancafe. “ah, and eclipse’s comeback!” he adds. “look, isn’t the album cover pretty?” his screen is probably illegible, when he holds it up close to show the camera, but at least his enthusiasm is clear. “i like their night side the best, with that unique rock sound...” jinwook pauses, and reconsiders. “actually, navillera was totally my style, too.” he shakes his head and grins. “eclipse is definitely cool no matter what.”

💬  :  it is already 4 in the morning here why 😭

english. jinwook has glazed over every message in foreign languages but he laughs at this one. he trips over a stilted reading of the comment, and quickly switches back to korean to answer. “i’m sorry ahh, next time i have to think of different timezones, right?” he tilts his head. “mm, it seems impossible to find a good time for everyone all around the world? but i’m happy you could visit with me for even a little bit. please make sure to rest well~” as an afterthought, he finishes in english: “and goodnight~”

💬  :  can you show a rap verse? 

“rapping?” jinwook’s eyes light up at the suggestion, and he laughs out loud. “can i tell a secret?” it’s not the right question to ask, judging by the staff’s reaction. but jinwook leans in sneakily, and continues despite their concerned looks. “we tried to switch parts for adore u once, so i learned seungcheol’s rap! that choi seungcheol,” he says with a grin, “has pretty good expressions on stage these days... his parts are fun! i like practicing his pretty u verse, too.”

he tells the story casually, although that part switch was not just boredom in the practice rooms, but an official planned anniversary release. that weekend in incheon is still a fond memory despite the disappointment of never getting to see the final edit.

he rolls his shoulders. “anyway, i don’t have the nice low voice for it, but there is a little melody to his parts a lot of the time...” jinwook postures up for full effect and puts on his best rapper expression. “how can you dazzle so much? you’re so pretty it’s—”

it’s probably for the best that he is interrupted by a loud knock and a rowdy chorus of happy birthday starting right outside the door.

➡️  :  continued in part two...

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume 6, Number 7

Stars Like Fleas

The summer rolls on in a very peculiar way, with masks and zoom calls and brief, furtive trips to the grocery and the growing realization that normal is months, if not years, away.  Even so, the music remains excellent. Thank god it’s downloadable and accessible even in these strange days we inhabit. Here writers including Bill Meyer, Jennifer Kelly, Jonathan Shaw, Ian Mathers, Justin Cober-Lake and Ray Garraty consider improvised drone, precocious alt.country, experimental banjo tunes, rap metal and jazz.  Enjoy.

75 Dollar Bill — Live at Café Oto (75 Dollar Bill’s Social Music series)

Live at Cafe OTO by 75 Dollar Bill

Before 75 Dollar Bill put out those widely revered LPs for Thin Wrist records, Che Chen and Rick Brown made a series of tapes. You could pick them up at shows, packaged in a clamshell case with a business card advertising their services. 2020 is a plague year, so it’s going to be a while before anyone hires them for another party or a parade, but this download-only release fulfills similar functions. It captures the band at a particular moment in time, and it gives you a chance to throw a few bucks their way. Do so and you probably won’t be sorry, because the late 2019 tour documented by Live at Café Oto was unique in 75 Dollar Bill’s history. Chen and Brown did the whole run of shows with double bassist Andrew Lafkas, but they also did nearly all of them without essential gear. It wasn’t until near the end, when they played in England, that Brown was reunited with the big wooden box that is his main percussive instrument. Spread across three sets, this three-hour long album shows how swell they sound when they’ve got a committed agent of swing adding his subtle shift to their Bo Diddley meets Mauritanian wedding music groove. If you know I Was Real, you’ll recognize many of these tunes, and you’ll likely appreciate the differences that 75 Dollar Bill works and reworks upon them.

Bill Meyer

  Bandgang Lonnie Bands \ Bandgang Javar – The Scamily (TF Entertainment \ Empire)

After Bandgang broke up, Lonnie Bands made a successful solo career. His only misfortune, apart from a murder rap prosecutors tried to stick him with, was that he picked up a no-talent partner Javar. Here, surrounded by aggressive but undistinguished artists Mascoe and Paid Will, Lonnie hasn’t learned lesson. Thankfully, Javar makes his presence on The Scamily scarce, and the second half is basically Lonnie’s solo effort with some guests. As usual, Lonnie makes himself busy in illegal activities: drugs, scams, pimping, firearms. He neatly sums up his bad deeds on “Me Too”: “You on that bullshit? Me too.” The Scamily is not that focused as last year’s KOD but Lonnie, with his slick rhyming and catchy hooks, always reinvents a bad man’s lexicon.

Ray Garraty

 Sammy Brue — Crash Test Kid (New West)

Sammy Brue is no longer quite the wunderkind he was when he released his first full-length at 15, but he is still quite impressive here on the follow-up, hitching the spit and fire and wordy angst of, say, Ezra Furman, to the downhome pyrotechnics of Bob Log III. “Teenage Mayhem” explodes with teenage aggression, building out a twitchy blues riff into a monumental rock chorus, while “Crash Test Kid,” is softer sonically, but just as unflinching in its narrative. “Skatepark Doomsday Blues” is epic and grandiose but carries it off, infusing an old man’s blues progressions with the eruptive feelings of young manhood. All the signs point towards Brue growing into his art. He’s already channeling raw emotion into sharp song structures and lyrics without sacrificing their force. It’s a drag getting old, but it doesn’t have to be a step back.

Jennifer Kelly

 John Butcher — On Being Observed (Weight of Wax)

On Being Observed by John Butcher

English saxophonist John Butcher has a deep and diverse discography, much of it on CD. Since the standard of his playing is so high, and the settings and accompanists he selects so diverse, they’ve never been merely about documentation; you’d have to look hard to find a dud on the shelves. But as format preferences, economic shifts, and that damned virus turn everything upside down, Butcher has, like everyone else, found himself suddenly with plenty of time to comb through the hard drives and reassess the music stored there. And since CD manufacturing and distribution has been snarled up worldwide, what better time to transfer some of it straight to yours? On Being Observed comprises six solo performances recorded between 2000 and 2006, and you could not ask for a better introduction to what he does on his own. It features him in the studio, at a jazz festival, and in some unusual acoustic environments which afford a number of ways to understand what it means to read the room. Whether he’s playing to an audience or a 20 second delay in a dis-used gas storage facility, acoustically or amplified, using a soprano or tenor sax, Butcher’s tone is unmistakable, and his sense of how long to develop ideas and how to develop them is peerless.

Bill Meyer.

 Carling & Will — Soon Comes Night (self-released)

Carling & Will (banjo player Carling Berkhout and multi-instrumentalist William Seeders Mosheim) have spent the last few years working out new twists on old-time music. Their debut album Soon Comes Night takes another a step forward from their previous, more traditional sound. Much of the album relies on the interplay of banjo and electric guitar. The pair don't go for outre sounds, but Mosheim provides textures for Berkhout's banjo playing. “Lillie's Lullaby” offers a highlight, not only in its prettiness, but in its revelation of Berkhout's idiosyncracies as she shifts in and out of more typical patterns. The album in itself makes for a lovely collection of songs, but it has both the ups and downs of an act starting to find itself. Carling & Will have a distinct voice, and the more they work to develop that (probably by letting Berkhout get odder and Mosheim explore his voicings a little), the more impressive they'll become. If the pair decides to just focus on smaller updates to mountain music, they've already shown a worthy artistry in that.

Justin Cober-Lake

 Cloud Rat — “Faster” (Self-released)

Faster by Cloud Rat

Like a lot of us, the folks in Cloud Rat have been cooped up behind walls, watching the world burn. But that hasn’t stopped them from making some terrific music. This new track, “Faster,” has been posted to Bandcamp as a benefit for Black Lives Matter-aligned organizations. The song is somewhat in the mode of their most recent EP, Do Not Let Me off the Cliff (2019). That record traded in the band’s characteristic grindpunk intensities for some weirdo experiments in dreampop, noise and gauzy gothic nightmare soundtracks. “Faster” isn’t quite as far out there, and longtime listeners of the band will recognize some of the textures of tracks like “Moksha,” “Raccoon” and “Luminescent Cellar.” The song starts and ends with some lovely acoustic finger-picking by guest musician Andy Gibbs of Thou. In between, there are clean vocals by Madison Marshall that border on the ethereal, and electric riffs that build and build toward majestic heights. Good cause, great tune.

Jonathan Shaw  

 Drakeo the Ruler – Thank You for Using GTL (Stinc Team)

Recorded through a phone line from prison, with beats later provided by JoogSZN, Thank You For Using GTL right after its release was named best prison album since Penitentiary Chances, by now classic joint effort by C-Murder (still incarcerated) and Boosie Badazz (now free). It was too strong a claim to be true. On that duo’s album you can hear a sense of doom hanging over them. When all hope is lost, there is only a prayer, and even that can get lost on its way to God. There was no tomorrow. Drakeo the Ruler, on the other hand, raps like there is tomorrow. Even rough sound of voice recording and “This call is being recorded” tags are more like a necessary sound effect and a gimmick rather than an effect of reality (he couldn’t do it any other way). Strip this tape of all these effects, and you end up with an ordinary rap album, exactly like others released by dozens every week. Maybe there is no reason to thank GTL. It did us a disservice.

Ray Garraty

 Holy Hive — Float Back to You (Big Crown)

These super laid back funk soul cuts stay well inside the pocket, except when they veer unexpectedly into indie-folk. The funk parts come from one-time Dap King Homer Steinweiss, whose loose but transcendent way with a groove can be best heard on “Hypnosis.” Paul Spring, the singer, brings in the psychedelic falsetto, more Justin Vernon than Curtis Mayfield, but still radiant and chilling. The title track plays like a lost 78 soul classic, Spring’s mournful melody wafting skyward as big loopy bass notes and splayed jazz guitar chords drop into a slink and strut of snare drum. That’s maybe what you’d expect from Steinweiss’ Brooklyn soul revivalist resume, but elsewhere, there are surprises. “Red Is the Rose” sounds like Tunng, all space-bopped folk magic and electro-pinging drums, and “Be Thou By My Side” is lattice-picked folk without the slightest hint of syncopation. Both sides of Holy Hive have their sweetness, but only the funk stuff buries a stinger.

Jennifer Kelly    

 Dustin Laurenzi’s Snaketime — Behold (Astral Spirits)

Behold by Dustin Laurenzi

Here’s an irony for you. Composer Louis Hardin, whose habit of dressing up like a Viking and hawking his wares on the streets of mid-20th century NYC turned him into a bona fide attraction, may have conversed with jazz musicians, and shared a record label or two with them. But he didn’t really like jazz. Nonetheless, jazz musicians liked his music back, and they still do. The melodies are graceful, but malleable, and the Bach-meets-powwow rhythms have plenty of productive implications for a percussionist willing to work between the lines. After years of study Chicago-based tenor saxophonist Dustin Laurenzi formed Snaketime, a project named after one of the composer’s rhythmic notions, that turned seven of his compatriots loose upon the Moondog book. Maybe loose isn’t quite the right word, since Laurenzi’s arrangements show deep respect for the original melodies and their exotic vibe. But there’s not a lot of music that can’t be made a bit better when you ask bass clarinetist Jason Stein to improvise from its foundations. This half-hour long tape adds four tunes to the seven on last year’s excellent LP Snaketime: The Music of Moondog, and any one of them could have made the cut if Laurenzi had been given enough rope to make a it a double album in the first place.

Bill Meyer  

 MachineGum — Conduit (Frenchkiss)

Like its Pepto-Bismol-pink cover, these songs seem a bit over-sweet and undernourishing at first, but damned if their synth and disco and art-rock grooves didn’t start to catch on after a few listens. The project, launched in New York City with the mysterious appearance of pink gum machines, is not what you’d expect from a Strokes offshoot, but give Fabrizio Moretti credit for branching out. Here tight, “O Please”’s sleek, wah-wah’d guitars and fat-fingered bass throws off a funk shimmy, but soft, dream-y choruses add an element of electro-pop introspection. “Act of Contrition,” by contrast, swells and swirls with gothy new wave drama, but also vibrates with indie earnestness; it’s like the National playing a New Order cover. If you’d told me a month ago, that I’d be enjoying a super clean, super precise synth-dance album by a member of the Strokes, I’d have laughed, but here we are.

Jennifer Kelly

 Phosphene — Lotus Eaters (Self-Release)

Lotus Eaters by Phosphene

Portland’s Phosphene drifts and drones in a satisfying vintage 4AD-ish way, the serene vocals of Rachel Frankel wafting out over intricate tangles of shoe-gazey guitars as Matthew Hemmerich pounds out motorik rhythms on the kit. This album, the band’s second, was written in the turbulent aftermath of the 2016 election, but it exudes a murky calm. In “Carousel,” for example, Frankel sings about how “everyone gets lost in their own power,” but the temperature remains cool, dream-like, lit by arcs of guitar sound and undergirded by a thudding mantra of bass (Kevin Kaw). The two singles run closest to pop. Bright, upbeat “Cocoon” is spiked with Spoon-ish piano chords, while “The Wave” damn near bubbles with girl pop exuberance. I can see why they’re leaning on those cuts, but I like the cloudy radiance of “Seven Ways,” the morose moods of “The Body” better.

Jennifer Kelly

 Sara Schoenbeck / Wayne Horvitz — Cell Walk (Songlines)

Cell Walk by Wayne Horvitz/Sara Schoenbeck

Bassoonist Sara Schoenbeck and pianist Wayne Horvitz built to their first duo release slowly. They've been playing together since the previous decade in Horvitz's Gravitas Quartet, working together in various styles. The bassoon doesn't necessarily lend itself to jazz, but Schoenbeck's experience with artists like Roscoe Mitchell and Anthony Braxton — as well as in various orchestras and symphonies — has revealed her fluency in different languages. Horvitz and Schoenbeck develop that approach on Cell Walk, mixing composed and improvised tracks, moving from jazz to classical and back again, happily residing in a new music space. The pair's chamber background comes to the fore more than anything else, but the artists' experimental ideas and Horvitz's occasional electronics keep the duo moving forward. The album mostly stays cool, although a few tempo shifts and Schoenbeck's varied tone create unexpected energy any time the disc starts to settle. Schoenbeck and Horvitz fill an unlikely niche, but they also make a good case for expanding it.

Justin Cober-Lake

  R.E. Seraphin — Tiny Shapes (Paisley Shirt)

Tiny Shapes by R.E. Seraphin

Ray Seraphin makes sweet, sharp songs out of guitar jangle and whispers that seem to nestle right in your ear. His first cassette under his own name after a stint in the slightly more abrasive Talkies kicks up a power pop dust and haze a la Luna or, more recently, Plates of Cake. Like these bands, however, he envelops smart, coiling melodies and wild spiralling guitar hijinks in daydreaming inchoate jangles. In “Streetlight,” Seraphin vamps and caroms in spike-y mid-temperature anthemry, crooning “And I won’t feel a thing,” and indeed there’s a misty, nostalgic remove around most of this album’s emotional content. Yet there’s also a classic pop shape that can’t quite be obscured by muttered, offhand delivery. “Fortuna” is the best bit, to my ears, a summer radio megahit heard from several rooms away, bittersweet and slipping away even as it plays.

Jennifer Kelly

 Stars Like Fleas — DWARS Session: Live on Radio VPRO (Amsterdam) (self released)

DWARS Session: Live on Radio VPRO (Amsterdam) by Stars Like Fleas

New York collective Stars Like Fleas are still gone, but the tracers and streamers left in the air by their passing continue to be entrancing. Whatever collapsed in the wake of their work on the follow up to their epochal LP The Ken Burns Effect can perhaps be glimpsed a little in the bulk of this first (and hopefully not last) release from what they describe as “a huge archive of live and session material.” As the title indicates, six of the 11 tracks here come from a radio session they did during their final tour (coming apart and leaving the final album unfinished upon their return to America). Along with a couple of Ken Burns highlights that session is all new material and it is as rich as anything they released during their lifetime. The collection is rounded out with some brief improvisations and another track intended for the final album, the 7” single “End Times”, and a wonderful performance of “Falstaff” from a Toronto show. Perversely and beautifully enough, the result is not only a must listen for fans of the group, it makes an excellent introduction for anyone who missed them the first time. Bring on the archives!  

Ian Mathers  

 Thecodontion — Supercontinent (I, Voidhanger)

Supercontinent by Thecodontion

 A death metal band entirely devoted to songs about ancient, paleolithic lifeforms and geological history? It’s not the most harebrained musical concept you may have heard — it even makes a sort of sense. What better musical genre to address such massive, atavistic and lumbering forms? Supercontinent is the Italian duo’s first LP, following 2019’s Jurassic EP. As its title suggests, this new Thecodontion record goes way, way back, to primal landforms, before continental drift assembled the earthball’s map into its current shape. Appropriately, the longest track on Supercontinent is “Pangaea,” named for the unimaginably huge late Paleozoic landmass. Thecodontion’s featured instrument is Giuseppe D’Adiutorio’s bass, which he variously thrums, hammers and shreds. He gets some pretty amazing sounds out of it, sometimes producing the soaring, moaning, keening sounds that Greg Lake coaxed out of his bass on the early King Crimson recordings. The proggy reference is pointed; Thecodontion’s high concept project smacks of prog’s grandiosity. But where prog shoots for the heavens, Thecodontion goes bone hunting. It’s interesting work.  

Jonathan Shaw

 Various Artists — Building A Better Reality: A Benefit Compilation (JMY)

Building A Better Reality : A Benefit Compilation by Various Artists

As Bandcamp’s choice to waive its portion of transaction proceeds in favor or certain needs and causes has evolved from an occasional to a monthly event, releases have started to appear which take advantage of both the event and the rapidity of production when no physical objects are being produced. George Floyd died under a policeman’s knee on May 25; this compilation was released just 24 days later, on Juneteenth. Brent Gutzeit of TV Pow secured 106 contributions from friends, friends of friends, and customers of friends — and that’s just the parties that this writer recognizes. They range in length from Kendraplex’s 58 seconds of metallic shredding to Joshua Abrams’ half hour of mournful clarinet and cathartic double bass. You’ll find acoustic protest music, swinging jazz, harsh noise, hip-hop, and a sound collage that includes sounds of protest and mourning. The participants include Simon Joyner, Jsun Borne, I Kong Kult, Jesse Goin, Chris Brokaw, AZITA, Keith Fullerton Whitman, and the Jeb Bishop Trio, along with many, many more. Have I listened to them all yet? Of course not! But the thing with a set like this is that you don’t need to. Put it into your shuffle play and it’ll yield surprises for years to come. Income goes to Black Lives Matter, NAACP Legal Defense Fund. and the Greater Chicago Food Depository.

Bill Meyer

 Michael Vincent Waller — A Song (Longform Editions)

A Song by Michael Vincent Waller

At first listen, you might not guess that composer Michael Vincent Waller’s new EP/song A Song is an improvised piece, and as the surrounding material on Bandcamp makes clear, that’s kind of part of the point. Composition vs. improvisation is the kind of duality where both sides are never really distinct, and Waller is both interested in the history of composers improvising and (possibly naturally) improvises in a way that’s not a million miles away from his compositions. Which also means that just on that first listen the 21 minutes of solo piano found here are frequently beautiful, whether patiently probing a set of arpeggios or momentarily going somewhere a bit darker and deeper near the end. Whether considered as work done around or between more composed ones or in its own right, A Song makes for both a fine follow up to Waller’s 2019 collection Moments and a brief thesis on the always permeable boundary between two methods of creation.  

Ian Mathers

[khaosfm]

          ‘sup  my  dudes   !  it’s  ya  boy  yves  sliding  into  the  group  after  eyeing  this  bad  boy  for  quite  some  time  ,  and  i’m  super  excited  to  be  here  .  i’m  not  even  gonna  lie  to  ya’ll  ...  this  intro  is  headass  as  fuck  and  my  son  is  hell  in  a  hand  basket  (  maybe  that’s  why  his  name  is  khaos   ?   lmao  ) .  anyways  ,  i’m  super  excited  to  be  here  and  to  introduce  ya’ll  to  my  son  ,  and  i’ll  be  sharing  my  discord  𝐝𝐨𝐣𝐚 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝑐𝑎𝑡 .#4437 just  in  case  anyone  would  prefer  to  plot  there  .  uhhh  ,  ya’ll  should  be  warned  that  this  intro  is  pretty  long  and  also  kinda  link  heavy  ,  but  you  don’t  have  to  click  them  if  you  don’t  want  to  !  it’s  mainly  because  i’m  an  extra  bitch  and  wasn’t  to  provide  ya’ll  with  VISUALS  .  

           chicago’s  very  own  khaos  banks  has  been  spotted  on  madison  avenue  driving  a  frozen  blue  metallic  2020  porsche  taycan  ,  welcome  !  your  resemblance  to  keith  powers  is  unreal  .  according  to  tmz  ,  you  just  had  your  twenty - fourth  birthday  bash  . your  chance  of  surviving  new  york  is  uncertain  because  you’re  austere  ,  but  being  debonair  might  help  you  .  i  think  being  a  virgo  explains  that  .  3  things  that  would  paint  a  better  picture  of  you  would  be  diamond  encrusted  grills  glistening  underneath  the  glow  of  club  lights ,  back  to  back  shots  of  patrón  with  pineapple  juice  chasers ,  and  the  swipe  of  an  american  express  centurian  card  out  of  boredom  .  (  his  parents  had  his  criminal  record  expunged  to  protect  the  family  name   .  ) 

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜  𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧  .

NAME :  khaos  maurice  banks  .

NICKNAME(s) :  kai  ,  or  nothing  . he’ll  gut  you  like  a  fish  if  you  try and  come  up  with  anything  different  . 

BIRTHDAY / AGE  :  september  17th  ,  1995  /  twenty - four  .

ZODIAC  :  virgo  .

GENDER  :  cismale  .

PRONOUNS :  he / him / his  .

NATIONALITY  :  american  .

ETHNICITY :  african - american  .

HEIGHT :  6′2″ ( six  foot  ,  two  inches ) .

LABEL(s)  :  the  lothario  ,  the  trust  fund  baby  ,  the  connard  ,  the  black  sheep  ,  and  the  sybarite  .

ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION  :  biromantic  .

SEXUAL  ORIENTATION  :  bisexual  .

FAMILY  NET  WORTH  :  $3.67  billion  .

LANGUAGES  SPOKEN  :  english  and  portuguese  .

CHARACTER  TROPES  :  the  quarterback  ,  spoiled  brat  ,  millionaire  playboy  ,  socialite  ,  and  the  casanova  .

CHARACTER  INSPO :  ambrose  spellman  ,  daniel  king  ,  spencer  james  ,  aaron  jackson  ,  and  chris  mckay  .

𝐢. 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 .

          born  in  a  moderately  comfortable  home  in  chicago  ,  il  ,  marcus  banks  never  really  knew  what  he  wanted  to  do  .  he  could  have  been  the  first  in  his  family  to  go  to  college  ,  especially  since  his  father  went  into  the  army  right  after  high  school  and  his  mom  worked  at  a  mac  counter  in  the  mall  to  give  herself  something  to  do  instead  of  being  a  stay  at  home  mom  .  when  he  was  in  high  school  ,  marcus  was  the  quarterback  for  his  school’s  team  ,  but  he  had  no  interest  in  playing  football  in  college  .  he  does  end  up  going  ,  and  manages  to  get  himself  into  prestigious  hbcu  morehouse  college  in  atlanta  ,  georgia  .  marcus  discovered  that  he  was  unhappy  at  morehouse  and  dropped  out  ,  so  like  most  twenty  year  olds  with  nothing  to  his  name  and  a  single  ticket  to  new  york  ,  marcus  somehow  managed  to  get  a  position  as  an  intern  at  uptown  records  .

          marcus  worked  his  way  up  from  intern  and  eventually  became  a  talent  director  ,  and  this  is  when  he  discovered  his  own  passion  for  music  as  well  as  how  exciting  it  was  to  help  develop  talent  .  while  at  uptown  records  ,  marcus  had  a  hand  in  developing  a  lot  of  the  talent  from  the  90s  ,  such  as  jodeci  and  mary  j .  blige  .  marcus’s  time  at  uptown  came  to  an  end  when  he  decided  that  he  wanted  to  start  his  own  label  ,  which  he  called  kingdom  records  .  through  those  years  ,  he  helped  to  manage  and  produce  tons  of  popular  artists  from  the  late  90s  and  early  2000s  .  although  marcus  enjoyed  his  time  as  a  producer  and  he  watched  as  his  wealth  grew  ,  he  also  knew  that  he  wanted  to  have  a  wife  and  children  .

           he  married  his  wife  ,  jada  long  ,  after  they  met  when  she  came  in  with  her  girl - group  to  become  the  next  big  trio  .  while  the  trio’s  career  didn’t  take  off  ,  jada  managed  to  find  love  with  marcus  and  they  married  after  six  months  of  dating  .  after  being  married  for  three  years  ,  they  welcomed  their  first  child  ,  a  son  named  isaiah  born  in  1993  .  in  1995  ,  jada  and  marcus  were  originally  expecting  twins  ,  but  one  of  them  absorbed  the  other  ,  so  that  explains  why  the  couple  decided  to  name  their  second  son  khaos  .  the  couple  had  one  more  child  ,  a  daughter  they  named  mariah  ,  in  1999  .  marcus  and  jada  settled  with  their  family  in  los  angeles  ,  where  their  company  expanded  and  marcus  started  his  own  music  career  .

          originally  ,  critics  were  skeptical  because  he  was  known  for  managing  and  producing  ,  not  rapping  ,  but  he  released  his  debut  album  in  2001  and  let’s  just  say  that  critics  were  floored  .  the  album  debuted  at  number  one  and  went  2x  platinum  ,  earning  him  his  first  grammy  nomination  .  marcus  continuously  released  music  throughout  the  2000s  and  even  into  the  2010s  ,  which  has  earned  him  18  grammy  wins  and  received  the  commemorative  ‘ salute  to  industry  icons  ’  in  2017  .  marcus  has  since  retired  from  music  after  touring  a  few  times  ,  and  now  mainly  cites  himself  as  a  businessman  .  he  is  the  head  of  banks  enterprises  ,  which  is  the  umbrella  com[any  for  his  restaurants  ,  fashion  line  ,  liquor  brand  ,  and  he  eventually  went  into  television  production  as  well  .

          as  for  their  son  khaos  ,  he’s  got  a  sick  case  of  middle  child  syndrome  .  while  growing  up  ,  he  always  felt  overshadowed  by  his  brother  who  went  into  the  music  industry  and  even  by  his  younger  sister  as  she  had  a  natural  talent  for  gymnastics  .  when  he  was  in  high  school  ,  khaos  played  football  because  it  made  sense  ,  but  he  wasn’t  as  passionate  about  it  as  his  father  .  football  was  never  an  interest  to  khaos  ,  and  he  never  had  an  interest  in  attending  college  for  it  either  (  sound  familiar  ?  )  he  wanted  time  to  figure  out  who  he  was  and  things  of  the  sort  ,  but  his  dad  was  a  stubborn  man  who  barely  let  him  decide  what  he  wanted  despite  the  fact  that  he  allowed  it  for  his  other  children  .  khaos  never  really  knew  how  to  tell  his  dad  that  he  didn’t  want  a  life  as  some  pro - baller  ,  so  he  started  hanging  around  the  wrong  people  .

          when  it  started  , khaos  primarily  hot - boxed  in  his  car  with  his  friends  ,  stayed  out  for  far  too  long  ,  and  occasionally  got  busted  in  the  mansions  that  were  up  for  sale  in  their  neighborhoods  .  to  him  ,  it  was  all  fun  and  games  ,  but  the  laughs  came  to  a  halt  when  his  father  picked  him  up  fueled  with  rage  and  his  mother  had  tears  in  her  eyes  because  he  was  ‘  headed  down  a  dark  path  ’  .  of  course  ,  khaos  never  took  heed  to  what  his  parents  had  to  say  about  anything  ,  so  he  continued  to  act  up  (  you  can  get  snatched  up  )  and  when  he  was  eighteen  his  parents  had  had  enough  when  he  was  placed  on  probation  for  two  and  a  half  years  for  reckless  driving  and  drag  racing  .

           the  heads  of  the  banks  household  decided  that  they  would  have  khaos  complete  his  probation  in  chicago  ,  and  was  made  to  stay  with  his  grandmother  for  the  duration  .  of  course  ,  khaos  was  mad  about  it  ,  but  he  decided  that  he  wouldn’t  stay  in  chicago  once  it  was  over  .  he  was  supposed  to  return  to  california  ,  but  somehow  managed  to  convince  his  parents  that  he’d  be  better  off  moving  to  new  york  ,  and  so  they  let  him  . 

𝐢𝐢. 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 .

now  ,  he  lives  in  new  york  and  pretends  like  he’s  the  ‘ changed ’  son  that  his  parents  want  .  in  reality  he’s  just  doing  whatever  the  hell  he  wants  because  his  parents  made  sure  that  the  media  didn’t  discover  that  he  was  going  in  and  out  of  jail  and  on  probation  for  a  period  of  time  .  he  mainly  lives  the  life  of  a  socialite  ,  taking  random  excursions  around  the  world  when  he  feels  like  it  and  popping  up  in  the  tabloids  because  he’s  having  another  club  night  escapade  .  

𝐢𝐢𝐢. 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  .

khaos  is  pretty  much  the  epitome  of  a  spoiled  rich  boy  .  he’s  really  arrogant  ,  and  thinks  highly  of  himself  but  he’s  not  really  in  your  face  about  it  .  it  mostly  can  be  seen  in  his  aura  /  his  energy  as  he’s  not  much  of  a  talker  in  the  first  place  .  he  doesn’t  brag  or  boast  about  himself  or  his  family’s  wealth  because  well  ...  there’s  no  need  for  that  .  as  soon  as  people  hear  the  ‘ banks ’  last  name  ,  they  automatically  know  who  he  is  .

he’s  the  most  charming  man  !  he’s  really  chill  and  he  really  likes  conversation  ,  so  watch  as  he  fills  it  with  compliments  but  mainly  to  get  what  he  wants  .  if  he’d  being  honest  ,  he  gets  his  charm  from  his  father  ,  even  though  he  doesn’t  really  want  to  admit  it  ,  and  he  gets  his  incredible  sense  of  humor  from  his  mother  so  chances  are  ,  he’s  gonna  get  what  he  wants  .  

uh  ,  he’s  an  asshole  ,  too  ?  like  he  tends  to  think  he’s  not  ,  but  he  doesn’t  really  care  for  his  dad  and  borderline  would  beat  his  ass  if  he  had  the  chance  to  .  he’s  not  an  asshole  outright  where  he’s  a  standoffish  dick  face  ,  but  khaos  does  have  his  moments  where  his  temper  won’t  be  as  mellow  as  it  usually  is  .

𝐢𝐯. 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬  .

his  family  owns  a  few  houses  around  the  united  states  .  they  have  their  main  house  in  hidden  hills  ,  their  house  in  chicago  ,  two  vacation  homes  in  aspen  and  southampton  ,  and  a  more  ‘ modest ’  home  in  beverly  hills  .  khaos  lives  in  a  loft - style  duplex  condo  in  greenwich  village  .

it’s  my  dream  car (  rip  to  tesla  ig  lol )  ,  but  khaos  drives  primarily  a  porsche  taycan  .  it’s  the  main  car  he  drives  in  nyc  ,  but  back  home  in  california  he  has  a  fleet  of  cars  ranging  from  a  range  rover  ,  bentley  bentayga  ,  rolls - royce  phantom  ,  a  ferrari  548  italian  spider  ,  and  the  beautiful  bugatti  chiron  .

his  fashion  sense  is  primarily  streetwear  .  he  likes  to  dabble  into  luxury  sportswear  as  well  ,  but  mainly  sticks  to  brands  like  supreme  ,  commes  des  garcones  ,  balenciaga  ,  vetements  ,  supreme  ,  off - white  ,  alexander  wang  ,  etc  .  

this  is  so  headass  and  it  fits  his  aesthetic  lmao  ,  but  khaos  wears  a  an  eight  tooth  grill  (  both  top  and  bottom  )  every  single  day  .  ofc  he  takes  them  out  to  be  cleaned  /  brush  his  teeth  ,  but  he  never  leaves  the  house  without  them  and  they’re  valued  at  $45k  each  .

mostly  because  he’s  annoying  ,  his  favorite  thing  to  eat  is  cronuts  and  he’d  literally  fly  back  to  los  angeles  for  the  vegan  cronuts  at  donut  farm  .  that  being  said  ,  he  is  vegan  but  not  annoying  about  it  ...  at  least  i  don’t  think  he  is  lmao  .

a  feminist  !  specifically  ,  an  intersectional  feminist  and  he's  gone  to  the  women’s  march  in  nyc  every  year  since  he  made  the  official  move  ,  and  uh  ,  probably  got  arrested  during  a  peaceful  protest  when  the  ab*rtion  bill  became  a  thing  .

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 238: Shigaraki Tomura: Tattered Goth Remix

Previously on BnHA: Young Shimura Tenko killed his whole family, as angsty young misguided antagonist characters sometimes do, and then proceeded to wander the streets feeling all sad about it until All for One just happened!! to come across him and was all “oh you poor thing it looks like you killed your whole family by accident, let me just adopt you and raise you to be my own personal killing machine.” We got some more flashbacks showing just how this transformation took place, plus some answers about the hands that kind of just raised more questions though tbh, and watched as little Tenko made his first premeditated kill after a number of effed up AFO pep talks. AFO then rechristened him “Shigaraki Tomura”, and we learned that Shigaraki is actually AFO’s own last name. The chapter ended back in the present day, with Tomura reflecting on how his family’s death wasn’t really a tragedy after all and ended up setting him free. We’ll have to agree to disagree, kid, but in the meantime have fun fucking up Re-Destro and dealing with Gigantomachia’s rampage!

Today on BnHA: Re-Destro tries to smash Tomura at 100% and absolutely nothing happens. So then he summons a bunch of robot armor bits like fucking Iron Man, and levels up to 150%! Tomura could not care less, because he’s leveled up to be one of those “yawn, is that all you got?” bad guys now, and while RD desperately tries to intimidate him, we briefly check in with the rest of the League. Everyone is freaking out at how quickly Machia is destroying the Liberation Army, and Compress calls Ujiko and frantically begs him to warp them all to safety. But Ujiko is all “nah” and says he wants to drive Tomura into a corner. Meanwhile Gigantomachia finally takes out Dairy Queen, since Dabi was doing fuckall, and the chapter ends with Tomura possibly killing Re-Destro?? To be honest it’s really unclear. For all I know the dude just dropped dead of a heart attack from all that stress. In fact, now that I’ve typed that, I kind of think that’s what did happen. Anyway! The point is I’m pretty sure the battle is finally over.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added one or two ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.) 

so I mentioned this in an ask post a couple days ago, but this recap is a day late because I was out of town this week. consequently I’m behind on my asks and other things as well (I know, what else is new), so I’m sorry about that!

also! @temperatezone informed me that there’s yet another BnHA spinoff coming out, and that the preview chapter debuted last week! so I went to check it out, and holy shit, it’s a manga all about the U.A. kids teaming up with various pro heroes!!!!??!! between this and the new anime season coming up in just two months (it’ll fly by) and BakuDeku: Heroes Rising coming out in December, I feel like I’m being fucking spoiled with BnHA content. and I didn’t even mention the 2nd light novel which just had its official English translation released last month! so all in all it’s a lot of good stuff, and I desperately want to recap chapter 0 of the new spinoff as soon as possible, but it’ll probably be a few days unfortunately, unless I decide to be very irresponsible and do that instead of the piles of work I should actually be doing. we’ll see which impulses actually win out sob

fortunately Jump is on a break next week if I recall, so that’ll give me some time to catch up. anyway let’s start this thing before I manage to procrastinate anymore! so the new chapter is called “Liberation”, probably after a certain army

and the chapter is picking up where we left off before, with Tomura taking his Father Hand out of his pocket and saying he doesn’t need it or any of his other hands

ooooooh

maybe the title isn’t referring to the Liberation Army after all! or just one of those cool double meaning things

oooh man

god but that is satisfying. is there anything more satisfying than seeing a character you’ve been rooting for finally reach out and take control of their own destiny? ahhhh yessss that’s the good shounen shit right there

lol Re-Destro

he finally scared you into using your ~full power~, huh? punk

don’t mind me I’m just appreciating how much of a total badass my boy here is

your move, RD. personally if it were me, I wouldn’t want to fuck with him anymore! but hey your funeral bud

hmmm

the last few chapters have been so well-drawn that I’m starting to think I was maybe getting spoiled. I wonder if Horikoshi will re-do these later for the volume release

anyway so it seems like what’s happening is that RD is trying to hit Tomura with another Almighty Bitchslap and Tomura is not having any of it, basically

oh wow

and this isn’t even the Gigantomachia damage. will there be any pieces of this town left larger than a toothpick once all is said and done here?? stay tuned! but the answer is no

so the rest of this two page spread is just more panels showing vague high-contrast images of the destruction. we’re also briefly cutting to Gigantomachia! and to Dabi, who is still fighting Pinkberry, and like, dude, come on. finish him off already

and now the dust is clearing after that latest clash, and would you guys fucking look at this dramatic bitch though omfg

Shigaraki Tomura: Tattered Goth Remix. you look like the cover of a Bauhaus album. thank god this arc isn’t set somewhere stupidly dark, like, say, a basement

lmao Re-Destro is so mad

once again I would like to point out that you invited him here, you overconfident dishrag

so now Tomura is casually conversing with him

Tomura did you burn one right before this battle. you’re so fucking chill all of a sudden. gotta say that if someone had asked me “what do you think it would take to get Shigaraki Tomura to mellow out” before this arc, I probably would not have answered, “hmm, well maybe flashbacks to his horrific childhood and the violent deaths of all of his loved ones”

well at any rate, watching Re-Destro progressively freak out while Tomura makes more (ﾟ⊿ﾟ) faces is my new form of sustenance, guys

“you seem a bit rattled. a bit ill at ease. perturbed. something’s got you in a tizzy, huh.” ⊂( ・ ̫・)⊃

(ETA: okay but rereading this here, he keeps talking about his heart pounding, and then he goes and summons a fucking robot suit that actually raises his stress on purpose. so like, I don’t know? but I vaguely recall reading a theory on reddit a few weeks ago that RD was going to have a heart attack and it looks like it could really be the case. or not! that last page is really inconclusive.)

and now the Re-Destro flashbacks that absolutely no one asked for! of course!!

-- OH MY GOD

I’M DYING I CAN’T. SEND HELP

Iida I’m so sorry. all this time I have been teasing you and calling you a 40-year-old man, when this whole time it was actually Re-Destro who Benjamin Buttoned his way from his mother’s womb

is he related to the Alpha Kid from the adventures of the Babysitter’s Club? he can’t not be, right? what else could it be? two characters just happening to vaguely resemble one another in a purely coincidental manner?? are you even hearing yourself?! get out!!

um hey, so what the actual fuck is happening

...Krestro??

lol what. Horikoshi Muriel Kouhei, did you seriously just give this fucker Hulkbuster armor. do you just have a list of Marvel comics tribute shit that you check off as you go

so apparently this suit jacks his power up to one hundred and fifty percent! wowwwwwwww

but meanwhile Tomura is all just

what would it take to faze new Toked Goth Remix Tomura, I wonder

sob omg

goddammit now he’s going to want one. Ujiko you’d better get on it

oh my god you guys

I’m starting to feel really bad about all of these nice Twice clones who are being so helpful and are just going to end up dying in the end omg

also, if someone ever asks you, “should I read BnHA,” you can say, “well that depends, how much do you like scenes of characters with two broken arms getting piggyback rides from other characters?” and they’ll be like, “that’s really specific, does that... happen often,” and you can be like, “well it’s officially happened more than once, so”

like, it’s a whole thing now I guess. also, ouch

anyway so Real!Twice is concerned that Machia is having far too easy of a time kicking names and taking ass, and he’s trying to regroup with the rest of the League

oh my god Compress, seriously?

League of Ungrateful Sods, is what you guys are. he’s trying to help you guys out!!

lol Dabi you fucking liar

no you fucking weren’t, you were going to keep fighting him for a million more years. your fight was going to make Goku VS Frieza look like a 15-second Youtube ad. once again, you guys should really be more grateful here

(ETA: why did they even invite Dabi lol. all he did was fight offscreen and have zero (0) flashbacks. fucking tease.)

so now Compress is calling Ujiko and asking him to warp them out of there

what...?

he’s absolutely 100% making this up, right?

lol yeah now even Compress is calling him on it

right, Compress??

okay now Ujiko is straight up telling him no

oh, this is good you guys

Ujiko, I don’t know how to tell you this but while you weren’t looking, the dude hopped on a fucking golf cart and drove his own damn self. and now appears to have made himself pretty damn comfortable in that corner too

oh is Halo Top finally about to fucking die??

the cornerstone?? really?? holy shit, it really is remarkable how thoroughly unprepared these guys actually were in the end

anyway so now more action panels are happening

did Machia kill him? it looks like he survived but just went flying

and what the hell does Hanabata think he’s actually going to be able to do. drive his van at him? give him encouragement??

anyway I guess we’re wrapping this up now, and we’re cutting back to Tomura who’s saying something extremely cool

it is kind of like that. except that it’s bullshit

anyway so it looks like he’s touching the ground and using his decay again and holy shit is this it???

!!!!!

YOU GUYS DID HE JUST DISINTEGRATE RE-DESTRO OH MY GOD. JUST LIKE THAT!!??!

YOU GUYS I HONESTLY CAN’T TELL, ALL I KNOW IS TOMURA TAPPED THE GROUND, AND RE-DESTRO HAD A WEIRD PANEL WHERE YOU COULDN’T SEE WHAT WAS HAPPENING, AND HE HAD A THOUGHT AND IT WAS SUDDENLY CUT OFF, AND THEN WE CUT TO GIGANTOMACHIA WATCHING AND WE COULDN’T REALLY SEE ANYTHING OMG

but can you imagine, though?? “one single strike”?! like oh my god, there wasn’t even any fanfare? if he really did just kill him that is pretty much exactly how I would have wanted it to go down tbh

at any rate, it’s safe to say life just got a hell of a lot more dangerous for our Actual Protagonist with this new power-up. shit. oh my god

well I guess that’s it! does that mean this arc is gonna wrap up next chapter. because I’m also going to be away the 16th, so I’ll be a day late in doing that chapter too. I s2g Horikoshi, if you finally cut back to U.A. on a day that I’m not able to read the chapter right away, I will... well actually I’ll be pretty happy regardless, but secretly I will also believe it’s some sort of conspiracy against me. so just know that

[redsoapbox]

MY TOP FIFTEEN TRACKS BY WELSH ACTS IN THE PAST DECADE.

Pictured - Davey Newington. Davey features in the list twice - as Boy Azooga and as a member of the gone but not forgotten Houdini Dax.

In my introduction to Pop Hack, my debut collection of reviews/interviews, I make the claim that ‘some of the best records I have heard in my lifetime come from the unsigned and unsung acts that I stumbled upon covering the Welsh music scene’. I repeated that claim the other day while being interviewed by Bill Cummings for his Cymru Am Bop podcast (see link below), so I thought it was about time I put some flesh on the bones. In no particular order, then, are fifteen tracks from some of the best singer/ songwriters and bands in Wales.

1. Dan Bettridge - Third Eye Blind (2015)

Released as a single in 2015, and wisely included in Dan’s exceptional debut album Asking For Trouble three years later. “Third Eye Blind” is a stirring soul workout, hugely influenced by Van Morrison’s classic track “Real, Real Gone”, and a surefire set closer by anybody’s standards.

2. Pretty Vicious - Cave Song (2014)

The mighty tune that famously sent the major record labels into a lather and into a headlong race to Merthyr in pursuit of the teenage rockers. I caught the band at the EVI (Ebbw Vale Institute), a few months after they had signed on the dotted line, and filed one of the earliest national reviews of the band for Wales Arts Review. I spent most of the review decrying their major label status; ‘Pretty Vicious has signed with Virgin, it’s the first uncool thing they’ve done’ I moaned. I ended the review on a note of caution - ‘Pretty Vicious would be wise not to rush into the recording studio just yet. You never get a second chance at a debut album’. My scepticism about the multinational’s motives was on the money - the band was unceremoniously dropped by Branson and Co in 2017 without even releasing an album!

https://soundcloud.com/prettyviciousuk/cave-song

3. Houdini Dax - Found Love In The Dole Office. (2015) 

I was a huge fan of Cardiff’s sadly defunct power-pop trio, whose two albums, You Belong To Dax Darling (2011) and, particularly, Naughty Nation (2015), are packed with bangers/earworms/crackers - take your pick. I was bemused by their complete lack of success, but nevertheless surprised when they morphed overnight into Monico Blonde. Drummer Davey Newington went on to bigger, if not necessarily better things, with Boy Azooga of course. “Found Love In The Dole Office” is a typical Dax track, matching a punchy melody with a clever lyric. 

4. Jodie Marie - Everyone Makes Mistakes (2015)

Taken from one of my all time favourite albums, Trouble in Mind (2015), “Everyone Makes Mistakes” is one of four or five outstanding ballads that form the centrepiece of this truly fine record. This is a heartbreaking song that leaves the listener reeling!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNBraJss7-4&feature=youtu.be&autoplay=1

5. oblong - Light Sleeper (2019)

I tossed a coin with this track. Llanelli’s bilingual post-punk combo has released two scorching albums, Brilliant...Gwd (2017) and Hollalluog (2019), which are brimming over with terrific tunes. Any one of them will set the pulses racing.

https://oblong1.bandcamp.com/

6. Danielle Lewis - West Coast Sun (2016) 

When we beat this virus and lockdown truly ends, this is the record that I’m going to emerge from my hideaway playing. A joyous tune that deserves the sun on its back and for people to be of good cheer when they listen to it. Danielle’s current single “Flowers” is another beautiful composition.

https://daniellelewis.bandcamp.com/track/west-coast-sun

7. Aled Rheon - Wrap up Warm  (2016)

It’s never the done thing to quote oneself, but as this feature is partly to publicise my book Pop Hack I’m going to take a diabolical liberty! In my review of the song I write ‘It’s a beautifully judged lyric with a performance to match, as Rheon’s fine-grained vocal manages to make James Taylor sound like Jello Biaffra’. Not bad, even if I say so myself!

8. Armstrong - Gratitude (2019)

Although this song dates back a good number of years, it was included in the deluxe release of Armstrong’s majestic album Under Blue Skies (2019). As with oblong, above, I was spoiled for choice and very nearly chose the exquisite “My Resistance”, then again I very nearly opted for the heartaching “Perhaps It’s Time To Say Goodbye”. “Gratitude”, though, has a life-affirming quality that somehow transcends the times in which we live.

https://bigtakeover.com/recordings/ArmstrongUnderBlueSkiesTheBeautifulMusic

9. Climbing Trees - Aliosi (2013)

Does this song really contain ‘the most romantic couplet in the history of pop’, as I somewhat fancifully speculated in my review of Hebron, the Pontypridd combo’s debut album? Perhaps not, but that’s what a great pop song can do to you. I happily plead guilty to getting carried away by ‘Sunlight streams into my eyes, It always brings me to /  I didn’t mean to wake you darling, but I can’t keep my eyes off you’. If that doesn’t set your heart racing, what will?

https://ilikeclimbingtrees.bandcamp.com/track/aloisi

10. Silent Forum - Limbo (2017)

Silent Forum had a great 2019, with their debut album Everything Solved At Once earning them rave reviews across the board. It’s a wonderful album and it would have been easy to choose its centrepiece, the stupendous “How I Faked The Moon Landing”. I opted, however, for “Limbo” an old favourite of mine and a song that stood out for me the very first time I saw the band play in 2015. This is Indie-noir incarnate!

https://silentforum.bandcamp.com/track/limbo-2

11. Buzzard Buzzard Buzzard - Love Forever (2019).

Can there be any doubt that Tom Rees and his band are heading for the big time? The man writes killer tunes and has the chutzpah to carry them off. Rees is a real political animal, but he tends to separate that out from his music. On “Love Forever”, an ‘all you need is love’ protest song, he puts a hippy-dippy toe in choppy political waters for the first time. 

12. Boy Azooga - Loner Boogie (2018)

After missing the boat with Houdini Dax and Monico Blonde, Davey Newington’s ship finally came in with his solo project Boy Azooga, leading to support slots with the likes of Bob Dylan and Neil Young. This tune is as fun ‘n’ funky as pop music gets.

13. Burning Ferns -  Bullet Train

Newport’s Burning Ferns are often compared to stellar names like Big Star, Teenage Fan Club and The Byrds, so if you admire classic songwriting, chiming guitars and three-part harmonies then their two fine albums on Country Mile See Saw Seen (2013) and Public Mono (2017) are must-have records.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM6m3GTm7DE

14. Georgia Fearn - Catch Me When You Can (2018)

An edgy and imaginative songwriter, Georgia Fearn was just 17 when she released her debut album, the dark delight that was Perfect on Paper. Equally influenced by TV, cinema and literature’s tales of the macabre, Perfect on Paper is something of a black comedy, one that you might want to listen to crouched into the foetal position whilst hiding behind the sofa!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgVmBKAbn6c

15. Head Noise - Microwave (2018)

It defies explanation that Mitch Tennant left the mini-masterpiece “Microwave” off last year’s 14-track debut album Uber Fantastique. A fun pop artefact in the vein of Landscape’s “Einstein A Go-Go”, every home should have one - “Microwave” the song, I mean, not an actual microwave. Although I’m given to understand by the cooks in the household that a microwave is a product that comes in handy, personally I never venture into the kitchen, so I can’t properly comment!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wXV_7fr7k8 

The five next best

Travelator - Anonymous Iconoclasts, That Night at the Table  - Beth Goudie, Just Rock ‘n’ Roll - I Fight Lions, Obsolete - Matthew Fredricks (not yet released), High -Clwb Fuzz.

http://www.godisinthetvzine.co.uk/2020/05/11/podcast-cymru-am-bop-episode-three-featuring-kevin-mcgrath/

All of the above acts are featured in my book Pop Hack

http://bit.ly/PopHack

[panda-noosh]

Hold Me While You Wait {Shiro x Reader}{The Rockstars Series}

The Rockstar Series: a series of fics documenting rockstar!Voltron falling in love.

Words: 14k

Summary: What a coincidence that the first person to catch you breaking and entering is also the lyricist for your favourite band.

Genre: angst

Warnings: swearing - violence - abuse  

Notes: masterlist - well the rockstar series took an angsty ass turn. 

--

The window was open. That was their first mistake.

   It was almost as if this stranger wanted you to crawl into their house. The open window, the fact that they were never home. It was the perfect setting for a perfectly set out plan – one you were going to put into action today.

  Lotor took the lead, struggling to fit his broad shoulders through the relatively cramped window panes that apartments on this side of town provided. You stood impatiently behind him, arms folded over your chest and eyes gazing up into the sky – nobody could see you, considering the stranger hadn't cut down their trees in a number of years.

    “Take your time,” you jabbed. “I'll just wait here.”

  “Be quiet!” Lotor hissed, before he finally managed to squeeze himself through the window. He stumbled, just barely catching himself on a small coffee table holding an empty fruit bowl. You followed in after him, managing to squeeze through a lot quicker.

  Lotor glared at you as if that very fact was an insult on his pride.

  You ignored him and started what you had come here to do; even though you knew you had all the time in the world, there was still a sense of rush that came with doing things like this. Zarkon would never forgive you if you and Lotor walked back to the house with nothing to show for the days endeavours – those were the worst kinds of punishments. He hated it when you spoke back to him, hated it when you were out late, hated it when you didn't pick up the phone, but the worst kind of punishments always came when the two of you didn't do your job right.

  The apartment was smaller than you were led to believe from the outside. There was a sofa, a small TV, a small kitchen and three steps leading to a hallway that directed you to what you assumed had to be a bedroom and the bathroom.

  “I'll take the living room,” Lotor said. “Stuff in here is heavier.”

  You nodded, refusing to argue. You darted up the three steps and headed for the first door you could see. Opening it revealed a bedroom, a double bed in the middle, a guitar propped up in the corner, multiple crumpled up pages strewn across the floor. You didn't fail to notice the half-open bin of notebooks at the end of his bed – where most people kept a hamper of clothes, another desk perhaps, this stranger kept a bin full of old, used notebooks.

    You would be lying to say the curiosity within you didn't peak, because it certainly did. You had broken into many, many houses in your time, and each one had a story of their own. Why did they choose that wallpaper? Why did they like the pattern on that sofa? What made them not want to get Sky and instead suffer through the limited channels of Freeview?

  For this particular house, why did this stranger decide to keep an abundant amount of notebooks?

  You couldn't give yourself the time to think of an answer. Downstairs, you could already hear Lotor shuffling around, the crinkle of his bin bag as he stuffed it full of possessions that were not his own. You shoved the guilt to the side and darted into the bedroom, unrolling your own bin bag and starting from the bottom.

  You started with clothes. Mens clothes, mainly consisting of black and whites, a few grey shirts thrown in for selections sake. They looked close enough to Zarkons size – he would be happy about that. He would praise you for those.

    You moved on to the wardrobe. Inside, another guitar was propped up. You ignored the twitch of your fingers, that voice in the back of your head that was telling you to just give it a go. Just this one time. But already you had passed boundaries that nobody should ever pass, and you didn't want to throw any further risk on yourself or Lotor.

  So you shoved past it and dug inside the shoe boxes that were lined up by the wardrobe wall. Inside was even more notebooks.

   You frowned. What the hell? Were you dealing with a collector? Were any of them actually used? You didn't know, but you wanted to find out.

  Lotor was still rummaging around downstairs. You were ahead of the game, had a few extra minutes to kill before the two of you would start going through the escape plan and getting the hell out of here...

  You convinced yourself. You reached forward and snatched one of the notebooks up, leaning back on your heels to read through it.

  Lyrics.

   Lyrics, poetry – whatever it was, it littered each and every page. The words were accompanied by tiny doodles, the words 'Smokey Saturdays' written across the top of one of the pages in big, bold lettering.

  So the stranger was a fan of Smokey Saturdays too.

  The fact amused you; you had been a fan of Smokey Saturdays for years now, having bought their debut album entirely on a whim when you and Lotor were out perusing the high street for Zarkon. You had been a fan ever since, and here you kneeled in a strangers home, getting ready to steal their belongings, only to get distracted by the fact that they had something in common with you.

  “It's a small world,” you mumbled, before Lotor's heavy feet came barrelling through the hallway.

  You whirled around just in time to see his red face appear in the entrance. He skidded to a halt, grasped the door frame and said three little worlds that sent your heart stamping into overdrive; “He's home early.”

  You had no time to think about your actions, to think about the bin bag you had left stranded on the strangers bed. You shoved the notebook back into his shoe box, slammed the cupboard door closed and followed Lotor out into the living room – the living room that lad been left an absolute mess by Lotor's grappling hands.

  You froze. “We can't leave it like this.”

  Lotor was busy stuffing towels into his bin bag. “We don't have a fucking choice, alright? Now help me haul this thing back down the fire escape. Did you get yours?”

  Your heart thundered as you shook your head. Lotor's gaze hardened, his mouth opening; he was on the verge of yelling at you, on the verge of telling you how stupid you were because you both knew what this meant – you would arrive home empty handed, and Zarkon wouldn't like it. He would lose his head. He would punish you.

  Nonetheless, Lotor was smarter than that. He was also aware of the time crunch, and refused to spend another moment dwelling on your failures – not whenever the man who owned this house was on his way upstairs.

  “Fine,” Lotor said, going back to his own collecting. “It's fine. We're fine. Maybe my bag will be enough. Now help me-”

  He swung the bag over his shoulder and darted to the open window. You stumbled after him, gripping the window frame-

  Lotor tried to squeeze through and got caught halfway. Your heart sank.

  “Not now,” you whispered. “Lotor, not now.”

  “I can't help it!” he hissed, struggling against the frame. “Fuck, this hurts!”

  He had managed to launch the bag through the window, but his body refused to follow. You shoved your shoulder into his side, but you did nothing besides cause him pain. He swung his head back, white hair billowing over his shoulder.

  “We'll need another method.”

 “Hurry up!” you hissed. “You said he was home!”

  “I saw his car pull into the car park,” Lotor replied, before he inhaled deeply, turned back to the window and-

  He fell down the fire escape seconds before the front door opened and a voice echoed out in the living room.

  “What the hell?”

  Of course there was nothing you could say to explain what was going on. You didn't even want to turn around, afraid of what you would see because it was obvious what you would see – the stranger would be stood there, and he would see you and he would see the mess Lotor had left behind. It wouldn't take him long to add two and two together.

  You pursed your lips and slowly rotated to face him. He stood in the doorway, handling a guitar case, his eyes wide and his cheeks flushed with what was obviously exhaustion and shock mingling into one. He didn't look up to meet your eyes when you turned. He just stood there and stared, grip tightening on the handle of his leather guitar case.

  You recognised him.

  You recognised him, because he had been on the back of those albums you adored so dearly. You recognised him, because his name had been plastered over the acknowledgements of those very same albums, the word 'LYRICIST' stapled to his name. You had watched interviews with him, had never taken much notice of him because he wasn't part of the band but in more ways than one, he made the band.

  You swallowed thickly. This was Takashi Shirogane – Shiro. The man who wrote all the songs for Smokey Saturdays.

  He was a celebrity, and you had just been caught stealing from his apartment.

   You were so lost in your own thoughts that you barely registered the moment he looked up and met your eyes. They were a harsh grey colour, but you could only imagine they looked ten times more fierce now.

  You coughed, scratching the back of your neck. “I can clean this up if you want.”

   “Who the hell are you? And what did you do?” he barked. The anger had been released. He dropped his guitar case to the floor and darted forward. You flinched, half expecting him to grab you and toss you out the window, but he did no such thing. As you curled back against the wall protectively, he dropped to his knees beside his shredded sofa.

  “It wasn't – I mean, it wasn't me exactly,” you said, before wincing. “But that doesn't really help the situation, does it?”

  “I'm calling the police.”

  Your eyes widened. He stood up, headed towards his phone but you latched on to his arm before he could get very far. Where the momentum had come from, you could not pinpoint, but the sudden adrenaline rush that came with such a threat was unlike anything you had ever felt before.

  He looked down at where your hands wrapped around his bicep and raised a brow. A muscle continued to twitch in his jaw, a sure sign that he was still furious, and still had every intention to call the police on you.

  “Listen, why don't we just talk for a minute?” You were trying. It wasn't working.

  “I've got nothing to say to you,” he growled. “Get off me before I get you done for assault, too. It'll be easy enough with the theft charges.”

  “No, look, we don't have to go down that route.” Even as you continued begging, you uncurled your fingers from his arm. You stood back and watched him as he headed back into the kitchen – the window behind you was open. The fact you weren't running and clambering back out onto the fire escape was one that confused you just as much as it must have been confusing Shiro.

  He wasn't listening to you. He continued to stare, but the desperation in your voice was clearly not registering with him; he dialled those three essential numbers, pulled the phone to his ear-

  You dove for him.

  Hurting him was not your intention. You were wiser than that. Plus, you had eyes. It was clear that Shiro could overpower you in a matter of seconds if he so wanted; the idea of pinning him down was beyond even your imagination.

  Instead, you reached for the phone and smashed it against the sink.

  It shattered. Pieces of plastic and glass flew left, right and centre. A pain welled up in your wrist, and you bit your lip to stop from crying out because, at this moment in time, you had no right to be complaining about your pain. Blood dripped from a fresh cut in your hand, but you span around and darted for the living room before Shiro could mention it.

  “Hey! Hey, don't you dare!”

  You stumbled, catching yourself on an upturned piece of furniture. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. That was so uncalled for. Jesus Christ, I'm making this worse for myself-”

    “You're gonna fucking bleed out, you maniac.”

    You jumped, turning just in time for Shiro to catch up to you. He grabbed your wrist and tugged you – not kindly – back into the kitchen, shaking his head.

  “You broke my fucking phone,” he mumbled almost to himself. “You broke into my house, ruined my stuff, and I'm sat here bandaging you up...”

   “I'm sorry,” you repeated.

  Shiro glared at you. “Stop saying that.”

  Never before had you been so confused.

  This wasn't how it was supposed to go. You were supposed to be in the back of a police car at this point, or at least handcuffed to a table leg as you waited for the polices arrival. However, you were doing neither of those things – instead, you were being lowered onto a wooden chair with a celebrity cradling your wounded hand. Blood welled up from the fresh cut, and it took everything in you not to pass out at the sight. It reminded you of Zarkon, something you did not want to think about right now – it brought you back to your punishments, the punishments that he would inflict on you if you eventually got home, the punishments he would inflict on Lotor.

  You shivered. Shiro's grip tightened on your hand, stilling you as he dabbed water onto your open wound.

  “I want answers,” he said, ignoring your clear discomfort. “I want answers, or else I'm calling the police and getting you arrested.”

  You swallowed thickly, looking up at him. He didn't look back at you, but instead continued to dab at your open wound with his black hair falling into his face. He looked so much taller than he did in interviews. His voice was a lot sterner, though you had a vague idea that that was more due to circumstance than anything else.

  “Anything,” you replied. “I'll answer anything.” And you would, because you could not afford to go to prison.

  “How did you get in?”

  “The fire escape.”

  “What did you take?”

  “Nothing.”

  He raised a brow. “Was that a lie?”

  “I'm still in your apartment. I didn't take anything. I never got the chance to.”

  “But you wanted to.”

   You paused. “I guess.”

   “What's that supposed to mean?”

  You shifted your gaze to the open fire escape. “None of it was for me.”

    He tested this statement out for a second, narrowing his eyes. “Did you find my address online or something? Was it leaked?”

  “No. I didn't even know this was your house until you walked in.”

   “You know who I am?”

 “Oh yeah. Big fan.” You cringed. “Sorry.”

   He shook his head, pushing his tongue into his cheek. “You're too young to be doing this kind of thing.”

   “I'm not much younger than you.”

   “That doesn't mean anything,” he snapped. “I would be too young to be doing this. It's not right. You have so much left to do, and you're spending your time breaking into other peoples houses.”

    “Not by choice, you know.” The words were out before you could stop them. Fear spiked in your system as soon as you realised you had spoken aloud, eyes darting back to the fire escape. Somehow, somewhere, Zarkon had heard that sentence and he was on his way to punish you right now, no doubt having already beaten Lotor to a pulp, maybe even to death. Your heart thundered in your chest, and you reached your good hand up to your pulse, pressing down on it as if that would-

  Shiro grabbed your wrist and lowered it. He was looking up at you now, eyebrows raised and mouth quirked. “Woah. Hey. What's wrong? You look like you're about to pass out.”

  “I'm fine,” you snapped, not entirely meaning to. You shook Shiro's hand off of you and stood up. Your hand was still bleeding. You ignored it. “Look, are you going to call the police or not? I can – I can help you clean up. I can get your stuff back. I just need to get back home before – before people realise I'm gone.”

   Shiro didn't answer. He just stared at you, a grey gaze that held so much emotion and power it almost made you stumble. In any other circumstances, you would have perhaps been hit with a wave of awe at the fact one of the most respected celebrities in your repertoire was standing before you, but the panic that had risen to the surface was blocking out any other natural, human emotion.

  You needed out. You needed to make sure Lotor had gotten home safe, was still breathing, that Zarkon hadn't gone too hard on him. There was no doubt in your mind that he would receive some sort of punishment – that couldn't be avoided – but Zarkon needed to understand this was your fault. You were the one who had gotten distracted by some stupid lyric book, the one who had left their bin bag on the bedroom floor, the one who had insisted Lotor go first, only for him to get stuck.

  You swallowed thickly and turned away from his gaze. “I need to go home.”

   “Your hand is gonna get infected.”

  “It'll be fine.”

  “No.” Shiro reached out, grabbed your hand and tugged you forward again. “It won't. Now sit down and let me get some bandages. And then you're gonna tell me who you're so afraid of.”

  ---  

   It was silent. It shouldn't have been silent.

  He should have been yelling. He should have been screaming, threatening you, asking questions you could never safely answer. He should have hated you, and yet he was sat cradling your bandaged hand in his own, refusing to look at you.

  You were good at profiling people. A trick Zarkon had taught you from a very young age, because he liked to know that nobody could slip past him – not when you and Lotor were around. Lotor was basically a human lie detector, whilst you had been trained to slip into the minds of others, get a glimpse of their next move before they had even done it.

  It was easy enough to do with Shiro. Though he was quiet, he wore his emotions on his face. Already he'd made a comment on your age, how you were too young to be doing this kind of thing. Judging by the way he refused to look up at you, the way he treated you so delicately, it was obvious he still believed that, and it was obvious that he was conflicted over whether or not to punish you for the crimes you had committed.

  His silence was good, though. Unnatural, but good. It gave you time to come up with a lie about why you had been so startled only a few minutes prior – something you were still ashamed to admit. Zarkon would call you all the names under the sun if he knew you had let your guard down so easily.

  “So when are you gonna start talking?” Shiro piped up.

  “When you tell me what you wanna know.”

  “I've already told you.” He looked up, your hand dropping to your side. “Who are you so afraid of?”

  You pursed your lips. “An awfully personal question for someone I've just met.”

   “A question you should be answering if you don't want me to call the police.”

   You faltered. “Good point.”

  He simply nodded. You were hoping he would talk some more, but he knew what he was doing – if he started talking, you would only stall further.

  You inhaled deeply. “It's just . . . . somebody I know. Somebody I've known for a while.”

  “Is this person friendly?”

  Your silence was answer enough.

  Shiro sighed, running a hand through his black hair. He crouched on the floor in front of you, one hand resting on his knee whilst the other tousled and messed with his hair. He chewed the inside of his lip, mind no doubt working at a million miles per hour.

  “It's okay,” you said. “If I just get home to him now, he shouldn't be too angry...”

  Shiro glanced up. “Do you wanna go home?”

  The question struck you into silence. Having lived with Lotor your entire life, you had grown used to the tactic of just falling silent whenever you wanted to lie; you could never lie around Lotor. You often forgot that not everyone in the world could sense deception as easily as him.

  By the time this realisation dawned on you, it was too late to backtrack your silence. Shiro had caught on to it, examined it and was staring at you intently. You bit the inside of your cheek and looked away.

  “This is – This is gonna sound ridiculous,” he started. “But you can stay with me overnight if you want. If you really don't wanna go back there.”

  Your heartbeat thundered in your ears. Your jaw dropped open. Your mind worked at a thousand miles per hour, because nothing he had said made sense; he was meant to be fuming. He was meant to hate you! It was common practise, common knowledge that a person wasn't supposed to offer the person that had stolen from them refuge, even if they needed it. Even if the idea of going home was so gut wrenching it almost made them double over.

  But Shiro didn't look like he was joking. His face was relaxed, shoulders slouched with just an eyebrow peaking to show that he held any emotion to his words at all. It made your stomach flip.

  “You can't be serious,” was all you could say.

  “I can set a room up for you quickly,” he said, already standing up. “If I can't, I can just hire out a room across the hall for the night. It's not a big deal.”

  You scrambled up after him, wincing at the pull of your hand. “You don't have to do this. I tried to steal from you, for christs sake.”

  “And you clearly regret it,” Shiro shot back. “You're young. I'm giving you a chance.”

  “You keep calling me young as if that excuses anything.”

  Shiro shrugged. “It doesn't. But I'm young, too, which means I know just how much life you have left to live. Life you won't be able to live if you keep doing what you're doing.”

   He wasn't listening. He was being generous for the sake of it, not knowing the true extent of his actions. Zarkon would come and find you eventually. He would grow tired of waiting for you to return home on your own like the good little lap dog you were, and he would come for you – with Lotor in his reach, it would be easy enough to get your location.

  He would kill Shiro for even trying to protect you, because in Zarkons eyes, there was nothing to protect you from. In Zarkons eyes, he was doing the right thing. Always.

  Shiro was heading towards his bedroom by the time you finally caught up to him. You tried to grab his arm, but he pulled it out of your grip and pushed open the door before you could; it was then that he saw the damage you had done.

  It wasn't much, not nearly as bad as the living room, but your bin bag was still slung carelessly on the bed, and there was no denying that you had definitely been rummaging around in his stuff. You faltered in the doorway – maybe this would be it. Maybe the evidence of your infiltration would finally break him, and he'd throw you out and tell you to never come back again – that's what he needed to do. That was the wise thing to do.

  But he simply inhaled, shot you a glare over his shoulder and said, “At least you didn't take the covers. You're gonna need those.”

   You closed your eyes. “You're fucking insane.”

   “Ah well.”

  ---

  You fell asleep and woke up in Shiro's bed.

  He had slept on the sofa downstairs, generously giving you his own bed despite your protestations. The two of you had been up until the early hours of the morning, with you questioning him on his motives, and him simply shrugging as if this arrangement meant nothing. He was too casual. He was treating you too kindly.

  Nonetheless, you had never slept better. You awoke with no pain in your neck, no pain in your lower back – not like you usually do. It was a good change, and you found yourself smiling as you hauled yourself from beneath his covers and made your way downstairs.

  He tried to clean up the living room. It was still a mess, the coffee table still broken, but it was beginning to look a little less messy than it had the night before. Maybe that could calm some of your guilt.

  Shiro was still asleep on the sofa when you walked in. One arm was draped over his forehead, the other dangling off the sofa that looked two sizes too small for him. His bare feet dangled over the opposite arm rest, the spare quilt bundled between his legs, his pillow long since knocked to the floor.

  Despite his cramped form, he looked peaceful.

  You made your way to the kitchen, pulled two mugs out of the cupboard and started the morning tea. It must have been the sound of the kettle boiling that roused Shiro into consciousness, as he groaned, rolled over and just barely managed to catch himself on the floor before falling flat on his face.

  You turned. “Good morning.”

  “You're still here,” was his immediate response, as groggy as it was. “I thought you'd have taken off by now.”

  “How is that any way for a person to say thank you?” You folded your arms over your chest. “I'm making tea. Do you drink tea?”

  “I'm more of a coffee person.”

   “Diabolical.”

  “What time is it?” He sat up, the quilt sliding down to show off his bare chest.

  “8:30.”

   His eyes immediately widened. He struggled against the quilt before stumbling off the sofa and grabbing for his phone. He opened it, groaned and ran his hands through his hair in that way you had seen him do so often the previous night.

  “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My alarm didn't go off.”

   You raised a brow. “Alarm?”

  “I was meant to be meeting Hunk and Keith at the studio today to go over some last minute details for the album,” he replied, as if this was the most normal thing in the world. “I'm already a half hour late.”

   You frowned, despite the thumping of your heart and the urge to smile brewing in your stomach. You knew who Hunk and Keith were. They were the voices you heard on your albums, the guitar and the drums that pulled the songs together. You wouldn't admit it to Shiro, but the idea of meeting them was exciting to say the very least.

  You quickly reigned that hope back in, because it was pointless. Shiro would never let you meet his friends, because you weren't a friend. You were someone he took pity on.

  “I have to get down there now,” he continued. “Get dressed.”

  You faltered. “Sorry?”

  He clicked his fingers, already dragging the quilt back onto the sofa. “Get dressed. We're leaving as soon as possible.”

  You stumbled. “I don't have any clothes to wear, and I can't just-”

   “You can borrow some of mine,” he said. “Forgive me, Y/N, but I don't exactly trust you alone in my apartment at the moment.”

  You ignored how greatly those words affected you.

  “Go pick something from my wardrobe and meet me back down here.” He looked down at his phone, gritted his teeth and said, “Fuck,” one final time before you shot off upstairs and got ready.

  ---

   Shiro might not have called the police on you, but forcing you to appear in front of two musicians you looked up to wearing his clothes was punishment enough for your actions the previous afternoon.

  Even Shiro couldn't keep the small smile off his his face as the two of you approached the doors of the studio. His grey shirt reached your knees when you first put it on, and you were forced to tuck it into a pair of basketball shorts he gave you – basketball shorts that you were pulling up every two seconds.

  “This is humiliating,” you said through gritted teeth, trying to keep your voice low in the quiet hallways.

  Shiro glanced down at you, said nothing, but you made out the twitch of his lips. You rolled your eyes.

  Soon, you both stopped at a door made of glass, a black curtain drawn over it from the inside. Shiro opened the door, and your heart immediately lurched into your throat.

  Because they were there, and they were real, and this entire situation was actually happening.

  Your throat closed over. You forced yourself to follow Shiro into the room, even as your legs felt heavy and your palms became sweaty with nerves. You quickly dashed them along Shiro's basketball shorts, hoped you were being subtle enough for them to not notice.

  Keith turned around first, a black bass guitar propped up on his knee. His black hair was partly hidden beneath a grey beanie, and he wore a red jacket affixed with a black shirt underneath. A large brown belt dug into his abdomen, keeping a pair of dark, ripped jeans fixed upon his waist.

  “Look who finally decided to show up,” he said, strumming a few low tones on his bass. “Over half an hour late, Shiro. What kept you?”

  “Nothing,” Shiro replied without missing a beat. “I just slept in. What have you got so far?”

  Hunk had yet to turn around, but you were swooning nonetheless. His large bulk was huddled over a computer, a complicated looking program pulled up on screen. He was chewing at his thumb nail, his dark eyes narrowed and focused purely on what he was working on. In one hand he held the mouse, the other a single drum stick which he twirled round and round his index finger with professional precision.

  “We're doing the basic chords for Keiths solo,” Hunk replied without turning round.

  “So why am I here?”

    “We agreed that you would control the panel whilst I did the drums.” Hunk raised a brow, shooting Shiro a sideways glance. “Jesus, Shiro. You're usually on top of your game. What's wrong?”

  Keith raised a brow in your direction, the first sign of anyone in the room noticing your presence. “I think I can tell you the answer to that.”

  Shiro clicked his fingers in Keith's face, forcing the boys attention back to him. “Leave them out of this. They're just here because they didn't want to be left alone in my apartment.”

   “Apartment?” Keith said, slowly pulling himself out of his usual slouch. “You were in his apartment?” The question was directed at you. If you weren't still trying to figure out where your fluency of the English language had suddenly disappeared to, you would have replied with a snarky comment.

  But you could only stay silent, gaze bouncing between Keith and Shiro in a desperate attempt to get Shiro to acknowledge that he really needed to take the reigns right about now.

  With his eyes still glued to the computer screen, Shiro sent a swift kick into Keith's leg. “I said, leave them out of this.”

   Keith hummed, narrowed his eyes at you one last time before he stood up and headed towards the booth on the other side of the room. “Just tell me when to start.”

  Hunk sent him a thumbs up, and that's when business ensued.

  You hovered by the door, watching the magic unfold with utmost interest. It wasn't faked. You didn't grow bored, despite the fact that you were doing nothing. You watched as Shiro and Hunk took control of the panels, as Keith blasted his bass guitar in the microphone, closing his eyes and getting lost in the rock music you had listened to so many times by now.

  Rock music had never been your forte. In fact, music as a whole wasn't something you would say you particularly enjoyed – it was difficult to enjoy something you weren't allowed. Your memories of music consisted of you and Lotor sneaking around the house with your mothers old CD's, lowering the volume extra, extra low so Zarkon wouldn't be able to make out the soft bump of the bass guitar, the dull thump of the drums, or the harmonic voice of Lance McClain. The two of you would sit shoulder-to-shoulder and just listen, but it never lasted long. One of you would get paranoid that Zarkon could hear, and you would switch it off and scuttle back to your rooms before this paranoia became a reality. A lot of the time, you had to listen to one song in two sittings, purely because it was almost impossible to get all the way through a song without one of you getting cold feet.

  But this was different. This was the closest to a concert you had ever been, and you would be lying to claim it didn't make you feel alive. You would also be lying to claim that it didn't wake you up to the startling reality of just how little of a childhood you had really been given.

  “What do you think?”

  Your head shot up, eyes darting to Shiro. You hadn't noticed him standing up, but he was stood beside you now, awaiting your answer.

  You nodded. “He's good. He's always been good.”

  “I forgot you were a fan.”

  “Big fan.” You shrugged. “I'm glad you brought me here.”

   Shiro scoffed. “It wasn't a treat. I brought you here so you wouldn't steal from me again.”

   You frowned and looked away, quickly composing yourself. He had every right to bring that up. He wasn't exactly wrong that it was one thing letting you stay with him when he was in the house, but it was a completely different thing to leave you unattended in his apartment whilst he went to work.

  He wouldn't trust you, and he had absolutely no reason to.

  “We've got a few more seconds to record and then I think we're all gonna get something to eat.” Shiro looked down at you, spoke as if the words pained him to say. “Do you wanna join us?”

  Knowing you had nowhere else to go was the only reason you nodded along to his offer; you couldn't go home now. It was too late. If Zarkon didn't already have some of his men looking for you, it wouldn't be long until he did. You would be better off trying to lay low for as long as possible, no matter how odd the circumstances were.

  And so you waited until Shiro, Keith and Hunk wrapped up in the studio before you joined them for lunch at the cafe, located helpfully in the lobby of the studio. Shiro and Keith took your order and headed for counter. Hunk, on the other hand, joined you at the table, sitting down directly to your left.

  The big man leaned into you, a straw already dangling from his lips. You, Keith and Shiro hadn't even ordered yet, so it was a complete mystery to you as to when Hunk had acquired a smoothie of his own.

  “So,” he started. “Now that I'm not distracted by work, I think it's an appropriate time to ask who you are.”

  “Y/N,” you blurted out. “My name's Y/N.”

  Hunk hummed. “Have you been staying with Shiro long?”

   “Only last night.” My final night, because there was no way you planned on spending another day in his house. Staying in one place for too long would be dangerous, especially considering Lotor knew where you were.

  Hunk looked up then, glancing over at the counter. Shiro and Keith stood side-by-side, Shiro with his hands stuffed in his pockets and Keith doing air drums as he waited for his turn to order. Knowing the coast was clear, Hunk leaned in and said, “And how did that night go?”

  You jerked back as if Hunks words were a physical blow. You looked down at him, one eyebrow raised, hands clenching the leather of your seat. “What's that supposed to mean?”

  Hunk shrugged, playing the innocent card now that he could see you hadn't taken his question lightly. “I've just never known Shiro to let some random person stay in his house before. He likes his solitude. It's how he writes all those moody lyrics we're forced to sing.” He rolled his eyes. “Honestly, if it wasn't for the rock beats I put over them, those songs would lead someone to tears.”

   “I only slept in his house because I had nowhere else to go,” you admitted. It wasn't the whole truth, but you could see the tiny bit of reality in your words; that was good enough for you, good enough to release the guilt you may have felt if you were to have come up with an entirely different story.

  “Do you not have a family to go back home to? A house of your own?”

  “No,” you mumbled. “Shiro and I didn't exactly meet under normal circumstances.” You were treading on thin ice now, getting closer and closer to a truth you did not want to admit.

  Hunk opened his mouth to respond to your eerie comment, but never got a chance to question you before two more people appeared at the side of the table – people you recognised instantly.

  The gasp escaped you before you could stop it. Your eyes popped open, hand clamping over your mouth. Shock overtook you, and you could do nothing but sit completely still as Lance McClain and Pidge Gunderson looked at you like you were insane.

  Hunk chuckled. “Y/N L/N, meet-”

  “Hi,” you squeaked out. “Nice to meet you.”

   Pidge raised a brow, fighting an amused grin. “Nice to meet you, too.” She turned back to Hunk. “Friend of yours?”

  “Friend of Shiro's.” Hunk gestured to the empty seats. “Go ahead and sit down. I'll tell Keith to get you something to drink.”

   Lance grunted, slumping down in the seat directly across from you. His knee nudged yours beneath the table. He refused to sit up straight, instead slouching until his shoulder blades were digging into the top of the chair. His head tilted back, his brown hair falling away from his forehead.

  Pidge rolled her eyes, sitting beside him. “Don't mind him.”

   “Is he tired?” you asked.

  “Exhausted,” Lance replied. “Do you know how difficult it is trying to get the ticket companies to just pick up the fucking phone? I've been making phone calls since eight am this morning, trying to figure out where the false tickets are coming from.”

  “We told you that Coran was gonna deal with that,” said Pidge.

  Lance shrugged, folding his arms over his chest. “I don't want Coran to deal with it. Nobody with a fake ticket is getting into one of our shows, and I'm going to be the one to make sure of it.”

  Pidge rolled her eyes again. “Forever the hero, aren't you?”

  “I better be.” Lance's head suddenly snapped up, his eyes trained solely on you. “Wait, who is this?”

  “I think Shiro might be hooking up with them,” was Hunk's casual reply.

  You squeezed your eyes closed, resisting the urge to turn and belt him across the face. “You thought wrong.”

  “Why would you think that?” Lance asked. There was now a glint in his eye. His attention had been piqued. He sat up straight and leaned across the table for details. Even Pidge – who so often pretended like she didn't care – glanced between you and Hunk with an eyebrow raised.

  Hunk glanced at you. The fact that you were covering your face with your hands didn't seem to matter to him. “Shiro let Y/N sleep over at his house yesterday, and then he took them to work this morning.”

   Lance's eyes popped open wide, snapping to you. “Ooooh, is this true?”

  “Yes, but-”

   Lance reached over and grabbed your hand, giving it a firm shake. “Lance McClain. It's an honour to meet someone who can finally get Shiro to loosen the fuck up.”

   “What are you doing?”

  Shiro's voice startled the table into silence. Lance dropped your hand, grinned brightly as he placed his own hands on the back of his head. Shiro carried two smoothies whilst Keith sipped idly at his own on the other side of the table.

  “Absolutely nothing, my boy,” Lance replied. “Come, have a seat! It feels like I haven't seen you in ages.”

  Shiro narrowed his eyes, handed you your smoothie and lowered himself onto the seat next to Lance. “We saw each other yesterday.”

   “Only briefly. You went home early.”

  You grunted. He did indeed.

  “I was just talking to your good friend Y/N here whilst you were getting your smoothies,” Lance continued. “I was getting told all about how you spent the night together.”

  Shiro scoffed. “You make it sound like a lot more than what it was.”

   “That's what I was trying to explain,” you spoke up.

  Lance waved a dismissive hand through the air, as if you and Shiro denying any unspoken claims was irrelevant. “Are you two planning on taking this little fling to our concert next week?”

  You faltered. A concert?

  Growing up, you hadn't even been able to listen to music on CD's, let alone go to live shows. It was always something you wanted to do, always something you craved to experience, but at the time, it looked impossible. You had one job and one job only, and that was to serve Zarkon in whatever way he needed you to serve him.

  Now, here you were, being all but offered the chance to go and see one of your favourite bands perform live. It was enough to choke you into silence, enough for you to dart your gaze over to Shiro, silently begging for him to take the reigns and answer the question. At the end of the day, it was entirely up to him; if he didn't want you there, you wouldn't blame him.

  Shiro took a long, drawn out sip of his smoothie before shrugging. “We'll see.”

  And that was that. He put the lid on the matter quickly, swiftly changing the subject to instead talk about a new song he had been working on. Everybody else looked at you, gouging your response to such a simple reply, but you hid your emotions well enough so as to not provoke any suspicion. You were good at that when you wanted to be.

  As Shiro and the others fawned over Shiro's brand new notebook, already littered halfway through with fresh lyrics that they all critically analysed, you let yourself sink into the background. Your heart was still thundering. The conversation had distracted for only so long, but now the attention was diverted and you were allowed to dwell on the thumping of your heartbeat and the thrum of the blood in your ears; all of this was utterly insane. 

   You closed your eyes and leaned your head back against the seat, inhaling deeply. It would come to an end. All good things did, and you knew that. You had trained yourself not to get your hopes up, and as much as it hurt to put that training into practise now, there was no other choice. Not unless you wanted to be completely crushed in the long run.

  ----

  You tried to protest. Not very much, but the attempt was there.

  Shiro took you back to his apartment after lunch. The others had broken up for practise, meaning Shiro had no reason to hang around; he claimed he had lyrics to catch up on, an album to plan that would not write itself; you tried informing him that you would be fine on your own, but he insisted on taking you back to his place.

  “Why are you doing this?” you asked him at one point during the drive. Your arms were folded over your chest, eyes still set firm on the window. You watched the road skip past, the trees and the houses, the children coming home from school. You imagined yourself in their shoes, just like you always did. They were living a childhood you had never been given – it was a bitter sweet feeling.

  Shiro didn't look away from the road when he answered. “I don't know what you're on about.”

  “Yes you do. You're being nice to me for no reason. I don't deserve kindness from you.”

  “I'll decide who I'm kind to, thank you very much.”

   You bit the inside of your cheek. “You should have called the police on me. You should have knocked me out, saw me as dangerous as soon as you saw the state your apartment was in. You definitely shouldn't be giving me a place to stay.” You looked at him. “It doesn't make sense, and I refuse to believe you're doing this out of the kindness of your heart.”

  It took him a minute to respond. You profiled him, slipping into his head without really meaning to – he had already proved to you that he wasn't a man to make rash decisions out of nowhere. He didn't want to be spontaneous, didn't want to risk hurting the career he spent years building up. He didn't even have to tell you that his journey into the music business had been a long and bumpy road; nobody loved their occupation like he did. Not unless they had to work for it.

  So why was he taking the risk with you?

  His jaw twitched. “Do you wanna put some music on?”

  You gritted your teeth behind your lips but did as he said; you knew an indirect order when you heard one. He didn't want to talk, and you could respect that. It wasn't your place to question him.

  When he finally pulled up, the two of you walked into his apartment in utter silence. He held his notebook under one arm, a pen clipped to the collar of his black shirt. You had come in barehanded, fingers knotted in front of you. The silence was heavy. Too heavy for you to feel any type of comfort.

  Shiro closed the door behind you and gestured to the sofa. “I'll get the kettle on.”

   “Let me do that. You've got work to do.”

  Shiro raised a hand. You paused, raised a brow at him. “I've got it. Sit down.”

    You sighed and did as he said. It didn't take a profiler to recognise when someone didn't want to argue.

  You tapped impatiently at your leg as you waited for Shiro to finish in the kitchen. All that separated you and the door was a broken coffee table and the knowledge that Shiro was only a few feet away; he would hear you, but when had that fact ever stopped you? It was strange. You sat there, perfectly still, listening to the buzz of the boiling kettle and you didn't even really want to move; you weren't entirely comfortable, but the idea of stepping outside and risking the sight of Zarkons men was a lot more terrifying than the idea of sitting inside with Shiro.

  You supposed you should have been grateful. You were still here. His men hadn't come for you yet – he hadn't come for you yet. Maybe Lotor managed to get away with just a mild scolding, or maybe he had taken his chance and run for good. Maybe the two of you had left Zarkon in the dirt, just like you should have done years ago.

  As soon as you set eyes on the page tucked behind a sofa cushion, you knew your thoughts were misplaced.

  It was an intuition. Maybe it was because you had been anticipating disappointment this entire time. Maybe it was just because you were good at this kind of thing – before you even reached over and looked at the page, you knew what it was. It was the same cream paper you had seen so many times, stapled on the walls of your childhood home, locked in some oversized binder that held details so descriptive and so tormenting it was difficult to bring them to the forefront of your mind. It was that same paper.

  You grabbed it. The handwriting was familiar. The weight of the words was familiar. The entire thing was familiar, because you had been at his elbow so many times when he had written these notes in the past. He was never happy when he had to do it, and it was very rare that the person the letter was addressed to lived long enough to take the chance Zarkon always offered them. It was more of a throw-away kindness than a genuine offer.

      Dear, my sweet little Y/N.

   I understand. I really do. We all do. You got caught, and you're embarrassed, and you don't want to face us. You don't want to tell us the truth of your failures. I understand.

    I'm giving you a chance to come back. A single chance, one that you would be wise to take because you have nobody else. Lotor is with me, safe and sound, but worried. You don't want to worry him, do you? You know how he gets when he's worried, and if he explodes at me, my little Y/N, I will not show him the same kindness I'm showing you.

    You were always my favourite. It would be sad to lose you just because of a little blip in the system. You can make it up to me. I won't be mad. I promise.

   Come home and see for yourself just how understanding I can be.

       Hugs and kisses,

              Zarkon.

  “What's that?”

  Shiro sat down beside you, had already grabbed the letter from your hands before you could protest. A quiet whimper escaped your throat. You wanted to sob, but you couldn't. You wanted to scream, but you couldn't. You wanted to jump up and run as far from this place as possible – but you couldn't.

  Not whenever Shiro's eyes turned and clicked onto your own, wide and desperate for answers you knew you could never give him. Not now. Not now that Zarkon's men knew where you were.

  Shiro was on his feet in seconds, throwing the piece of paper back onto the sofa. He darted towards the fire escape, checked to see if it was locked – it was. He bolted towards the door, did the same thing and again, the door was locked and secured just as he had left it after walking in.

  He turned to you. “What the hell is that?”

  “Ignore it.” It was a demand, not a suggestion.

  His face fell. “Y/N. Y/N, what the fuck? What the hell did he mean? Who is Zarkon?”

  You stood up abruptly. “I'm leaving.”

  “You're not going anywhere. It's obviously not safe for you-”

   “It won't be safe for you if you don't let me go.”

  Shiro stared. “And who's gonna be the one to hurt me – you or this Zarkon guy?”

  Your stomach clenched. This whole thing was a mistake – you had said it from the very beginning. Shiro had given you refuge, taken care of you, made sure you didn't go out into a world that wanted nothing but the absolute worst for you, but he would never trust you. He would never look at you and think you were worth anything, because your initial meeting had set off the time bomb that would go off as soon as Zarkon grew tired of waiting.

  Which wouldn't be long.

  Shiro's words told you only one thing – he thought you were capable of hurting him. He looked at you, and he saw the mess left behind in his apartment, the way you had snatched the phone out of his hand and slammed it against the sink, the way you barely winced when the glass sliced your hand. He saw something that wasn't there, an idea based off of loose statistics.

  You looked down at the ground and bit your lip. Maybe it was because you idolised him. Maybe it was because he was right – you were capable of a lot. You could have hurt him. You could have got up in the middle of the night and slit his throat. But you hadn't, because he was Takashi Shirogane.

  He stepped forward. “Come to the concert with me next week.” It wasn't an invitation. “That way I know you're okay.”

   You squeezed your eyes closed, clenching your fists. “This has gone too far already. I can't stay with you for another week.”

   “You can't go out there either,” he replied. He sounded desperate. “I read the note. I read the threats. I don't – I don't understand a lot of it, but I'm not stupid. Somebody wants to hurt you.”

   “He doesn't want to hurt me yet.” Why were you standing up for him? “He wants me to come home.”

   “And what's gonna happen if you do go?” Shiro stepped forward again, so close that you could feel the heat coming from him.

  Your silence was enough. It was always enough.

  Shiro hummed. “I'll take the sofa again. Tomorrow I'll get the guest bedroom set up so we both have proper places to sleep.”

   “Shiro-”

   He turned on his heel, snatching the piece of paper up. He didn't let you finish your sentence, didn't let you protest before he turned to the lit candle placed upon the counter. He tilted the edge of the paper into the open flame and watched the words burn.

  ---

  Days passed. Your anxiety didn't waver.

  Shiro was trying. He woke up every morning, and he greeted you with a smile and a cup of tea, made exactly how you liked it. He tried to make casual conversation, to the point where you could genuinely sit down with him and talk like he was a good friend of yours.

  But it wasn't enough.

  He tried to distract you, but it wasn't going to happen. Days had passed. Zarkon knew you'd received his letter. It was becoming clearer and clearer that you were ignoring him. You weren't planning on coming home, and that was going to make him very angry.

  You slid into Zarkon's head on this particular morning. Morning, because it was four am and you hadn't slept yet. Your mind had been racing as you tried to fight off the urge to profile the man with the dark thoughts, the man who had raised you, the man who had tormented you and clearly had no plans on stopping. But it was as the clock struck four that you let your thoughts go, the exhaustion making it too difficult to fight. You slipped into his head.

  He knew who the apartment belonged to. He was a smart man. He knew Shiro was a celebrity, so he wouldn't risk breaking and entering. No. He would wait until you were loose on the streets and then he would take his aim. He would wait until you were completely vulnerable – maybe in a public place? A place where you would least expect it. He would put snipers on the roof. You had seen him do it. He would take you down and he wouldn't think twice, but he wouldn't risk getting Shiro involved in the story.

  You squeezed your eyes closed and pushed your thumbs into your temples. His head was too scary for you. You had been profiling people since you could understand the basics of the English language, and even now you were unable to bare the process of slipping into his head.

  You were awake now. You came to terms with the fact that you would not be getting any more sleep and slid from beneath the covers of the guest bedrooms bed. You headed downstairs to the kitchen, flinched in the doorway when you saw Shiro standing by the counter, drinking from a carton of milk.

  “You're awake.”

  He whirled around. His hair was a mess, and he was in his usual bedtime attire of no shirt and a pair of sweatpants. His grey eyes widened when he saw you standing there, looking no more dishevelled than you had done when you went to bed that evening.

  “So are you,” he replied. “Have you slept yet?”

  “Nope.” You snatched the carton of milk from his hand and took a gulp, savouring the brain freeze.

  Shiro raised a brow, folding his arms over his chest and eyeing you like a father eyeing a sick child. It made you almost want to roll your eyes. “Did you have a nightmare or something?”

  “I don't have nightmares.” A lie.

  “So why couldn't you sleep?”

  “I just couldn't.” Yet another lie. Why the truth was so difficult to admit, you weren't sure, but you didn't intend on indulging him any further. “Why are you awake at this time of day?”

  Shiro shrugged. “I was finishing up some songs and kind of lost track of time.”

  “Really? What were you working on?”

  Shiro tapped the side of his nose and slowly turned away from you, snatching the carton of milk back on his way round. You pouted, both grateful for the sudden shift in mood and frustrated at the fact he wasn't going to tell you what it was he had spent his time working on.

  “Come on,” you grunted. “I'm a fan. You can't just tell me you're working on something for my favourite band and then refuse to tell me anything else.”     “The fact that you're a fan is a big enough reason for me to keep quiet. You might post it on a forum or something.”

  You scoffed. “You take me as the type to have some kind of fan account?”

  He shrugged, smirking around the lip of the milk carton. “You never know. I've seen some crazy things in my career.”

  You grumbled. “Fine. Don't tell me. When are you going back to the studio?”

  “Whenever the others can find time. They've been rehearsing for their show next week.”

   You faltered at the reminder – the show. It startled you that you had forgotten all about it, considering this was the first concert you would ever be attending, and it was the concert of one of your favourite bands. You should have been ecstatic, counting down the days, marking it on your calendar.

  But once again, Zarkon had crawled into your mind and stolen those remnants of normal human emotions. Even when he wasn't physically there, he still somehow managed to alter the thoughts in your brain.

  “I was thinking we could get you some clothes for the night,” he continued. “Don't get me wrong, you suit my shirts and my shorts-”

  “I absolutely do not.”

  “But this seems like a more. . . formal event. We're gonna have to get you something nice.” He lowered his voice. “Something to make you stand out.”

   Your breath hitched. You looked down at the attire you were wearing now – a pair of Shiro's old boxer shorts and an oversized Nirvana shirt that he claimed he had worn back in high school. It was one of the only shirts in his wardrobe that wasn't completely plain.

   “How about tomorrow?” He glanced at the clock. “Well, today, I suppose. We can go out after breakfast and see what you like.”

  You nodded dumbly. Shopping. Clothes. New clothes – something you very rarely got to splurge on.

  Shiro grinned and kicked himself away from the counter. “Good. I'll see what I can do.”     ---

  “You look...”

  “Just tell me you hate it. Just tell me you hate it, so I don't have to embarrass myself any further than I already have.” Your eyes were squeezed shut. Your hands were curled into tight fists at your sides. Your shoulders were bunched up around your ears-

  Shiro's hands on the back of your neck startled you back to the present. “Would you calm down? I was gonna say you look beautiful, but I didn't want to make you more flustered than you already are.”

   Your eyes snapped open, darting immediately to Shiro's own. Over the past few days, you had grown used to those storm grey eyes, the way they always managed to be the first thing you noticed. Even in a room full of people, Shiro's eyes stood out.

  He smiled at the eye contact and gently turned you towards the dressing room mirror. Your breath hitched, because it certainly wasn't the Y/N L/N who had been cooped up in Zarkon's home who stared back at you. This was different. The clothes hung loose on your body, but it somehow worked. A pair of black skinny jeans, a dark orange button up shirt that showed a tiny bit of your chest, tucked half into the jeans, half hanging out around your sides. Along with it, Shiro had insisted you try on a pair of grey ankle boots.

  You looked good. You looked expensive.

  “This is too much,” you said. Shiro stiffened. “I don't even have the money for the top, let alone the jeans and the boots.”

   You started towards the dressing room, already tugging on the buttons of the shirt, but Shiro caught your wrist. You whirled around, startled at the sudden action but immediately your face heated up at his amused expression.

  “What have I said now?”

  “Just go get changed and put the clothes in the bag,” he said. “I can't believe you thought I'd make you pay after I offered to take you shopping.”

 It took a minute for his words to settle in your brain. “Wait, what? No. You're not paying for my stuff.” You said it with a scoff and a roll of your eyes, as if the idea of Shiro paying for you was a joke.

  Shiro narrowed his eyes. “You do know that I'll just buy it anyway. Buying you an outfit isn't going to put me into bankruptcy.”

  “But I'm an adult, and I shouldn't expect-”

  “Just go get changed,” he groaned, throwing his head back like a child having a tantrum. “It's my treat, alright? Now go!” He nudged you towards the dressing room door, leaving no room for argument.

  ---

  The crowd was big. Much too big for your liking.

  You thought you'd be fine. You were excited, craved to hear the music that had been promised – the music of Smokey Saturdays. The music you had grown up listening to, no matter how stealth you had to be to do so.

  But a crowd like this was dangerous. A crowd like this could hold so much danger and you wouldn't even be aware of it until it was too late.

  That was why you stayed as close to the edge of the room as you could possibly get. You tugged on your dark orange shirt, silently cursing your lack of carelessness – orange wasn't exactly a subtle colour. You would stand out amongst the array of people in black rock shirts and leather jackets. But it was too late now. Shiro had already disappeared back stage, and you were left to your own devices as you waited for the show to start.

  You were on high alert, even when the first chord was played and suddenly Lance, Keith, Hunk and Pidge appeared on stage.

  You wanted the breath to be sucked from your lungs. You wanted to jump up and scream and lose your head, perhaps even faint, because that was the concert experience. That was what the articles said.

  But even Lance's melodic voice and Shiro's gut wrenching lyrics could not pull you back to the surface. The crowd had swallowed you up. The realisation that you were completely vulnerable was suffocating you until you were shoving through the crowd in search of an exit.

  In search of Shiro.

  He had become a constant comfort. You hated to admit it, because it was dangerous territory to be on, but he had. Any time he saw you growing panicked, he was by your side, making sure you remembered to breathe, letting you know that everything was going to be okay no matter how terrible things felt in the moment. He was there for you, and you needed him to be there now.

  The music blocked out the sound of his voice in the beginning. You were on the verge of running, tackling people to the ground in any attempt to get to the exit. Zarkon's written words came back to the forefront of your memory, reminding you just how thin the ground you were walking on truly was. He was going to get you if you didn't leave now. He would have figured out that the concert was happening today and he would follow you until-

  A hand wrapped around your waist and dragged you backwards. You stumbled, getting ready to cry out but a low, deep voice cut you off before you could do so. It was close to your ear, the stench of smoke on the culprits breath.

  “If you scream, this entire place goes up in flames, and everyone with it is going too.”

  You clamped your mouth shut, curled your fingers into the palm of your hands. Crescent moons indented into your flesh. It kept you grounded, because you recognised that voice. He had come for you directly – what a strange move on his part.

  “Zarkon.” His name was a curse. It burned your tongue. “You found me.”

  “As I promised I would,” he replied. “Are you enjoying your little break, Y/N? Your little taste of freedom?”

    “I was going to come back.”

  “Bullshit.” His spittle slapped against your ear. You didn't wipe it away, too scared to move. “You and that Shiro bloke were far too enamoured with each other to remember little old me, weren't you? He took your mind off of things. He made you feel special.”

  Zarkon had taught you everything you knew about profiling. He could slip into your head just as easily as you could slip into his. You wanted him out. You didn't like him tracing your thoughts without even trying.

  “This man who should have hated you gave you a place to stay, a comfort blanket, gave up his own bed for you-”

   “How do you know that?” You knew the answer. You just needed to make sure your voice still worked.

  He continued as if you hadn't spoken. “So what were the chances you were going to give that life up to come back to me, hm? Me. The man who gave you a home for your. Entire. Life.” He punctuated each word by pinching your hips. You squirmed against him, pain flaring through your body. “You call it growing up, I call it being an ungrateful little bitch.”

  The first song ended. Zarkon leaned forward. His grin was against your ear. “Pretend we're dancing. Pretend we're just enjoying the show.”

    You did as you were told, because that was all you could do. That was all you had ever been able to do. It hurt – physically strained you – but you put a smile on your face and swayed, cheering to the sound of Lance's voice. The lead singer didn't even look at you as he addressed the crowd, already panting from the performance of the first song. He messed with his ear piece, taking it out to listen to the unfiltered screams of his fans – you wanted him to hear you. You wanted him to get the hint, hear your desperation even as you grinned and pretended everything was fine.

  He put the ear piece back in and announced the second song. The band started to play. They started to jump around on stage, and the crowd only got wilder.

  Zarkon took his chance.

  He made it look so casual. His arm was resting on your waist, and he was grinning from ear to ear – that's all it took, really. The crowd parted for him as he led you out towards the back door of the club, nobody questioning the tears brimming in your eyes. They took one look at your smile and just assumed you were perfectly fine.

  The fresh air hit you like a wave. The crowd was gone. You no longer had any security around you, no witnesses. If Zarkon were to kill you now, he would. He could, because he was good at what he did and he knew that.

  You broke out of his hold as soon as the door swung closed. You were trapped in the alleyway. Nobody was here. The music was too loud, thumping through the walls. If you were to scream, no one would hear you.

  The smile on Zarkon's face told you he knew that.

  He stepped forward, hands stuffed in his pockets. “I don't want an explanation.”

  “Where's Lotor?” you asked. “I want to see Lotor.”

  “He got home safely.” That meant nothing to you. Not coming from him.

  You wrapped your arms around your middle.

  Zarkon sighed. “Did someone let you dress yourself this evening?”

   “Don't treat me like a child.”

   “Shiro must really care about you,” he continued, talking with a childlike drawl just to get under your skin. “Buying you all these expensive clothes, giving you a roof over your head – a refuge, if you will. A refuge from me and mine.” Zarkon grinned. “You used to be mine. Do you remember that?”

 “Why are you talking?” you demanded, stepping back. “You're mad at me. You lost your control. You lost the one thing you thought you had forever, and you're mad.” You were profiling him. His nostrils flared. “Why are you talking then? Why don't you just kill me and get it over with?”

  Zarkon grinned even deeper. “I taught you better than that, Y/N. Use your skills. Use the skills I gave you – you tell me why I'm not killing you right now.”

  You slipped into his head again. It was easy. The answers were laid out in front of you, but you wanted to ignore them because sometimes pretending it wasn't there was easier than falling victim to an obvious truth.

  Your voice trembled when you spoke. “This isn't about me. You're not mad at me, you're mad at Shiro. You're mad at him for keeping me away from you.”

  “Go on...”

  “You're keeping me alive so I can watch you make him suffer. You're preserving me.”

  Zarkon shrugged. “Guilty.”

  “You can't hurt him. People will know. People will care.”

  “You say that because you care,” Zarkon pointed out. “But when has that ever mattered to me?”

  The door behind Zarkon swung open. You knew even before you looked up who it was – it was a gut feeling. You were yelling before you could stop yourself.

  Zarkon swirled around and laughed. He laughed at the expression on Shiro's face, the draw back of his shoulders, the flare of his nostrils. Shiro didn't move from the doorway, because of course he didn't. He didn't know who this crazy man was. Chances are, he saw you get dragged backwards and followed you out. But he didn't know that this was him, the author of the cryptic note that had been mysteriously left tucked behind his sofa cushions.

  “Shiro,” you cried out. “Go back inside. Now.”

  “Oh, no, no, no!” Zarkon shoved you with his shoulder. “Where's the fun in that? There's enough room in this ballroom for another, I think.” He grabbed Shiro's hand.

  And he twisted it.

  Shiro's eyes popped open in surprise and pain. He grunted, his knees trembling beneath him, but he was strong. He managed to swing his other arm around and catch Zarkon in the jaw just enough for the older man to release his hand. Shiro took the chance and stumbled to the side, gripping his wrist.

  “What the hell?” he exclaimed.

  Zarkon growled and whirled back around. “So you're a feisty one, are you? That's okay. I've dealt with worse.”

  “It's Zarkon,” you said, eyes pointed on Shiro. “You need to go. You need to-” You grabbed for Zarkon's collar, tried to pull him back, but you weren't as strong as him. Zarkon taught you how to be sneaky, how to profile people, how to get around without being detected. He was wise enough to know how bad it would be if he were to teach the people who hated him how to fight.

  Zarkon's elbow slammed into your chin, knocking you backwards. You grabbed for the wall in any attempt to keep yourself upright, but there was no use to it. Your fingernails welled up with blood and you fell to the floor with an 'oomf.'

  Shiro made to rush towards you, but Zarkon hooked him in the stomach before he could get very far. Shiro kicked out, slamming his toe into Zarkon's shin like a child – it was the only thing he could do. One of his wrists had already been broken, and now he was winded.

  Zarkon simply grinned at Shiro's sad attempts. “You know, Y/N – I don't really know how I feel about you letting this excuse for a man protect you. Clearly he doesn't know what he's doing.”

   “Zarkon, let him go,” you wheezed. Your vision was growing blurry. “Let him go and I'll go back with you. I'll do whatever you want.”

  “No,” Shiro grunted. His voice was barely audible, but you could make out the definition of desperation in its undertones.

  Zarkon sighed. “I find it very cute that you really believe you're not going back with me if I kill him.” He turned. “We both know that's impossible. Once he's dead, you'll have nowhere else to go. Your finger prints will be all over the crime scene. You'll be known as the person he let into his house, the stranger who showed up out of nowhere. You'll be the first one on the suspects list, and you'll have nowhere else to go except back home with me, or prison.”

  You shook your head. “I'd rather go to prison. I'd rather die than spend another minute in that hell hole you call a home.”

  Zarkon's nostrils flared. You hit a nerve. You meant to.

  He stepped forward. “There you go again with that ungrateful attitude. I think you're forgetting that I gave you everything. I kept you breathing. You and Lotor were mine.”

  “We were never yours. We were just too young to go anywhere else.”

   “And where is Lotor now, huh? Lotor came running right back to me after I asked him to ransack Shiro's apartment. He respects me.” Zarkon slammed his boot into your side. You squeezed your eyes closed, bit so harshly into your lip that blood dribbled down your chin. “You, on the other hand, need to be taught a lesson. I thought I'd raised you to know better, but I guess I was wrong.”

   You caught your breath. It was a gasp. Maybe it would be your last one. With the pain you were in, you were beginning to sink into that hopeless mindset of I hope so.

  “I guess you were,” you managed to choke out.

  Before blood sprayed out from the side of Zarkon's head.

  You cried out, jerking back as well as you could when his body tumbled to the floor. His legs wobbled, gave out and then he was beside you, and there was blood pouring from a wound in his skull, and his eyes were closed, and your breath escaped you, and-

  And Shiro's arms were wrapped around you. His lips were pressing into the side of your head. His tears were soaking the side of your face as he rocked back and forth and whispered soothing words in your ear that were probably meant more for him than for you.

  You panted, looking to the rock at Shiro's side. The rock he had just used to knock Zarkon unconscious. The rock stained with that monsters blood.

  Shiro's words fell away. They crumbled. You listened as they descended from words of comfort to one simple phrase that captured the nights mood perfectly.

  “Oh god.”

  This, he spoke on repeat until the ambulance arrived.

  ---

  “Lotor has been taken into questioning. He was asking about you.”

   You nodded at the police woman, still dazed from the slumber she had woken you from. “Is he going to jail?”

  The lady pursed her lips. “If his story is the same as yours, he'll be okay. You two are victims in this.”

   You nodded again. It was all you could do, words no longer computing. There was a phrase you could think of; goodbye, maybe. It seemed like the decent thing to say as the police woman gave you a warm smile, squeezed your fingers before she exited the hospital room.

  You should have said goodbye.

  “You didn't even give her a goodbye.”

  You looked up as Shiro entered the room. His wrist was cradled in a cast. His lip had been split open. He was shirtless again, revealing the bruise that was slowly forming on his lower abdomen.

  You smiled at him, the first person you had properly smiled at since you had been locked up in this hell hole and questioned until your voice was hoarse.

  He sat beside you. “The others are in the waiting room. I told them it would be a bad idea to overwhelm you right now.”

  “Are you okay?”

  Shiro's grey eyes softened. A small smile formed on his lips, and he spoke through a light hearted chuckle. “Yes Y/N. I'm fine.”

   “You've never had to . . . you've never had to do that before, have you?”

  A cloud shadowed his expression. “No.”

   “I'm sorry,” you croaked out. “He was after me, but he blamed you. I should have known better than to ignore his note, but-”

  “Don't, Y/N.”

  You faltered. “What's wrong?”

  Shiro ran his hands through his hair, inhaling shakily. “Don't apologise. Don't try and pin this on yourself. He's not here any more – the police have him in custody. You don't have to think about it. You can move on.” He reached over and gingerly touched your fingertips, silently asking permission. “We can move on.”

  You swallowed thickly. Slowly, without any comment, you flipped your hand over and intertwined your fingers with his. He looked down at the point of connection, a tiny, tiny smile gracing his face that had you unable to fight the smile that took over your own.  

  “He was the one that made you break into my house,” he said. Again, it wasn't a question. “You and that Lotor guy.”

   You nodded. “We've been ransacking places for him since we were eleven. It doesn't excuse our actions, but-”

  “You were brainwashed.”

“We were scared.”

  Shiro nodded. He nodded as if he understood, even though you knew he didn't, and for some reason that didn't frustrate you like it used to. He was trying to understand. He was trying to make sense of a situation that didn't make any sense, and you were grateful for his attempts.

  ---

   Shiro took another sip of his coffee. And another. And another, until he eventually tilted his head the whole way back and downed it.

  You looked up from the documentation in front of you, raising a brow. Whilst you were busy going through the piles upon piles of documents the agency had given to you to read over, Shiro was busy trying to come up with lyrics for Smokey Saturdays new album.

  He was clearly struggling a lot more than you were.

  “This isn't fair,” he grumbled, slamming his coffee cup back down on the table. “How come you're a natural profiler and I can't even get a hook down?”

  You chuckled. “That's what's got you so stressed?”

  “Of course it is.” He turned his notebook in your direction, letting you look at what he had done so far; once upon a time, Shiro's lyrics had been his most prized possession. It took a good six months of living together for him to finally trust you enough to let you read what he wrote.

  On the page, however, was not words, but a simple drawing – two stick figures. One in a detectives hat, and one with a guitar.

  Your cheeks warmed. “You're so cheesy.”

  He grinned from ear to ear, yanking the notebook back. “Isn't it perfect? Love of my life – the FBI profiler! And me – the lyricist who genuinely can't get a hook down.” He frowned, flicked his eyes to your own. “I wasn't joking about that. This song has been driving me crazy for weeks.”

  You rolled your eyes, putting your pen down on top of the pile of suspect profiles given for you to study. “You just need inspiration. I've seen you do it before – you get an idea, and you come up with something amazing. It'll hit you eventually.”

  Shiro pouted, looking down at the page. “There is one thing that usually sparks some inspiration in me.”

   “What's that?”

  He looked up. He didn't say anything, simply puckered his lips and leaned forward. You raised a brow, immediately gripping on to what he was getting at – your stomach flipped in that way it always did, and despite the heaps of work you had to get done, you couldn't help yourself when you leaned forward and kissed him.

  He hummed against your lips, pressing a hand to the back of your neck, gently stroking the chain of the necklace he had gotten you – the necklace that held the key to your shared home. The first home you and Shiro had bought together.

  You pulled away quickly, picking up your pen and shaking your head. “This is why I never get any work done when you're with me.”

  Shiro's eyes were still closed. He dragged his tongue along his lower lip, nodded, and then his eyes flicked open and he started writing.

  You watched him with your jaw hanging open. “Are you serious?”

  He smirked. “I told you. You inspire me.”

[ezratm]

      * chicago’s very own ezra calhoun has been spotted on madison avenue , with a striking semblance to brandon larracuente ! you may know them as @calhoun or hitting the front page of tmz as calhoun curse ? the neighbourhood singer calls off third engagement in as many years . according to tmz , you just had your twenty - third birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re imprudent , but being astute might help you . things that would paint a better picture of you would be a beat up telecaster slung over your shoulder , a clenched jaw as you try to play nice ( and fail miserably , ) a sharp tongue hiding the fear of ending up alone . ( cis man + he/him  ) +  ( teddy , 18+ , she/her , cst. )

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 : homelessness mention , drug mention .

𝟎𝟎𝟏.  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒  :

ezra  is  the  eldest  of  five  ,  half  of  his  siblings  having  a  separate  dad  and  the  other  half  being  unsure  of  who  their  dad  is  at  all  .  their  mom  has  never  stayed  with  a  guy  for  longer  than  a  few  months  ,  a  year  being  the  usual  cut  off  before  it’s  onto  the  next  or  revisiting  the  old  .  either  way  ,  this  level  of  dysfunctionality  makes  a  lasting  impression  on  ezra  .

the  revolving  door  of  guys  telling  him  “ call  me  dad ”  left  him  with  the  feeling  that  perhaps  he’d  never  be  able  to  rely  on  another  man  in  his  life  ,  stepping  up  to  be  the  man  of  the  house  much  before  he  ever  knew  what  that  role  entailed  .  he  finds  his  mother  passed  out  far  too  often  ,  laughter  shared  over  dinner  yet  the  billowy  white  wisps  leaving  her  mouth  from  a  small  glass  pipe  on  the  balcony  when  she  thinks  he’s  not  watching  .  he’s  the  one  helping  siblings  with  homework  ,  packing  shoddy  lunches  with  whatever  food  stamp  goodies  they  can  get  their  hands  on  ,  making  sure  everyone  gets  to  the  bus  on  time  while  his  mother  is  semi  -  conscious  in  their  bathroom  .

there’s  guy  one  that  lasts  ,  daryl  who  enters  when  ezra  is  13  .  he  sends  ezra’s  mother  into  a  spiral  ,  enabling  her  past  the  point  of  daily  function  and  rendering  her  a  full  -  blown  junkie  while  he  mooches  off  the  little  savings  she  managed  to  scrape  together  .  ezra  acts  out  to  all  hell  ,  a  plague  of  any  classroom  he  inhabits  ,  mouthing  off  as  if  to  blow  off  the  steam  from  a  home  life  that  forces  him  into  silence  .  he’s  a  tyrant  in  the  classroom  but  a  savior  at  home  ,  where  a  wisdom  beyond  his  years  leads  him  to  show  up  to  his  siblings’  parent  -  teacher  meetings  as  the  only  “  grown  up  “  in  their  lives  who  truly  gives  a  shit  .

he’s  17  when  a  row  so  horrifying  with  his  mother  ,  siding  with  a  man  practically  dragging  her  down  to  hell  ,  forces  ezra  onto  the  streets  for  some  sort  of  reprieve  .  he’s  heartbroken  to  leave  his  siblings  but  finds  some  comfort  in  the  next  eldest  girls  being  equal  parts  brilliant  and  responsible  .  as  a  final  fuck  you  to  the  man  who  ruined  his  only  source  of  stability  ,  he  steals  daryl’s  most  prized  belongings  :  among  them  ,  a  limited  edition  signed  nirvana  cd  ,  and  a  rosewood  martin  acoustic  guitar  ,  more  suited  for  display  than  use  considering  the  price  .  

he  hops  from  shelter  to  bench  to  shelter  throughout  most  of  california  and  doesn’t  talk  much  about  what  he  has  to  do  to  survive  .  with  all  the  time  in  the  world  to  lounge  about  ,  he  learns  how  to  play  guitar  from  other  street  buskers  in  exchange  for  protection  in  numbers  ,  and  before  he  knows  it  ,  he’s  able  to  afford  a  long  term  hotel  in  los  angeles  by  playing  on  a  busy  corner  .  he  sings  as  if  his  life  depends  on  it  ,  and  at  times  ,  it  does  ,  but  before  long  ,  he’s  being  recognized  in  the  bus  station  he  plays  in  .  he’s  18  when  someone  posts  a  video  of  him  singing  “  creep  ”  by  radiohead  on  a  corner  which  sends  him  viral  ,  a  talent  agent  quickly  taking  him  off  the  streets  and  shoving  him  into  a  recording  booth  .  they’re  based  in  chicago  ,  and  fly  him  out  ,  cementing  his  love  for  the  city  that  gave  him  his  break  .

he  brings  along  a  couple  of  lads  he  had  met  on  his  travels  ,  some  fellow  vagabonds  ,  some  simply  guys  he’d  met  throughout  his  time  in  la  ,  and  before  long  their  debut  ep  “ i’m  sorry ”  catapults  them  to  radios  and  a  local  tour  .  by  the  time  their  full  length  album  drops  ,  the  neighbourhood  is  one  of  the  world’s  biggest  international  touring  acts  ,  a  push  of  indie  meets  pop  with  grunge  and  hip  hop  influences  .  

ezra  calhoun  ,  a  true  rags  to  riches  story  ,  indulges  perhaps  a  bit  too  heavily  in  the  lifestyle  he  has  suddenly  been  thrust  into  ,  becoming  something  of  a  media  frenzy  for  his  unpredictable  nature  .  sternly  keeping  his  personal  life  out  of  social  media  but  writing  open  -  hearted  love  songs  to  each  conquest  he  lands  (  as  well  as  being  a  rather  high  -  profile  serial  philanderer  ,  )  he’s  a  curious  contradiction  ,  stumbling  about  onstage  with  eloquent  penned  lyrics  yet  stepping  offstage  and  being  caught  up  in  every  scandal  in  the  book  .  shattered  engagements  ,  cheating  scandals  ,  drug  busts  ,  sloppy  performances  ,  ezra’s  more  and  more  a  liability  with  a  short  fuse  ,  risking  almost  as  much  for  the  team  behind  him  as  what  he’s  worth  .

he  doesn’t  try  to  use  his  past  as  a  sob  story  to  fuel  him  moving  forward  ,  but  anyone  who  knows  what  he’s  seen  growing  up  can  see  how  it  takes  hold  of  him  in  adulthood  .  he’s  every  bit  a  mess  as  what  his  aesthetic  would  make  him  seem  ,  destructive  to  a  fault  and  with  a  mouth  on  him  that  gets  him  in  as  much  trouble  as  it  gets  him  out  of  .  though  he  is  as  responsible  of  a  brother  as  his  siblings  could  have  asked  for  ,  his  notoriety  now  is  credited  to  the  chaos  he  causes  seemingly  just  for  fun  .

truly  little  to  no  moral  compass  as  at  this  point  ,  he  tells  himself  that  he’s  been  through  enough  shit  that  he  deserves  whatever  indulgences  he  chooses  to  give  himself  .  he’s  a  hedonist  through  and  through  ,  a  philanderer  as  if  it  keeps  him  breathing  ,  and  a  naturally  addictive  personality  ,  ezra  is  all  points  of  a  powder  keg  ready  to  blow  .

𝟎𝟎𝟐.  𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘   :

ezra  has  one  degree  of  separation  before  he’s  got  a  superiority  complex  ,  readily  staring  down  anyone  who  crosses  his  path  with  unflinching  eye  contact  and  a  flexed  jaw  .  everything  to  him  is  a  confrontation  and  one  he  makes  an  effort  to  come  out  unscathed  by  .  if  it’s  not  his  biting  wit  fighting  his  battles  for  him  ,  he’ll  engage  in  a  fist  fight  ,  though  he  hopes  to  make  that  his  last  case  scenario  .  he  goes  off  his  mind’s  whims  and  desires  and  does  so  with  little  prudence  for  the  sentiments  of  others  .  slack  jawed  and  eye  rolling  ,  ezra  is  a  bad  attitude  with  little  to  lose  ,  and  has  a  habit  of  butting  heads  with  those  who  stand  in  his  way  .  

people  point  out  the  interesting  dynamic  of  someone  so  aggressive  also  being  the  one  who  pens  albums  packed  with  love  ballads  .  between  sex  jams  and  bare  -  alls  detailing  the  sentiments  he  feels  over  connections  he  has  ,  ezra  may  seem  hidden  away  emotionally  but  is  really  more  prone  to  reveal  his  feelings  than  most  .  he’s  disconnected  and  aloof  at  first  when  simply  entertaining  himself  ,  but  truly  engages  with  only  a  few  who  can  get  him  to  tap  into  that  vein  of  passionate  energy  that  keeps  him  from  being  a  useless  waste  of  space  and  create  something  beautiful  .  if  he  can  sense  the  energy  taking  a  negative  turn  ,  he’s  every  bit  the  kind  of  smart  ass  to  get  the  last  word  in  and  end  up  in  a  street  fight  over  it  (  something  he’s  no  stranger  to  given  the  brand  of  guitar  he  so  proudly  carried  with  him  during  his  time  on  the  streets  .  )

he  seeks  out  whatever  makes  him  feel  good  and  seems  to  still  be  hiding  whatever  hole  was  left  by  his  mother’s  abandonment  ,  of  whom  he  hasn’t  talked  to  since  he  left  home  .  he’s  in  constant  contact  with  his  siblings  ,  but  this  isn’t  enough  to  quell  the  resentment  within  him  from  the  loss  of  his  one  sense  of  stability  .  this  explains  his  long  string  of  failed  relationships  and  a  tendency  to  act  on  impulse  ,  setting  fire  to  whatever  good  thing  may  come  to  him  (  although  with  his  tastes  ,  he  doesn’t  often  chase  the  good  things  .  )

𝟎𝟎𝟑  .  𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃  𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒  :

link can be found in the source 🤍

[tassium]

#TAYLOR SWIFT APPRECIATION LIFE

PART 1 - Self Titled

Buckle up, ladies and gentleworms: We'll be spending the week leading up to the release of Lover looking back over the history with Our Lady and Savior Taylor Swift. This is very much inspired by the lovely people at @stateofswiftpod​ (which if you haven't listened to, you NEED TO - this trio is a DELIGHT) and is going to basically be my own lonely solo version of what they do.

SO ANYWAY.

First stop on our journey is Taylor's self titled album. Get comfy, get a snack, maybe a @taylorswift​ themed drink.... and get in, losers, we're going swiftie.

1. Tim McGraw

Listen, I gotta be honest. This song has never been among my list of of Top Taylor Songs, not even when this was the only album of tracks of hers. Don't get me wrong, I don't DISLIKE this song. There's some great lines in it ("a month of tears and thanking god that you weren't here to see my like that" does get me every time), some great metaphorical connections (“when you think happiness, I hope you think that little black dress” is my favorite) and I do think she delivers a good vocal performance on it. There’s a lot of cool melodic choices in the second half that I’m into. Overall.... not my favorite. We’ll get to that.

2. Picture To Burn

Listen, anyone who says Picture to Burn is anything less than a BANGER can physically fight me in the Denny's parking lot. I have a VIVID memory of the first time I ever heard this song: 13 years old, in the back of my mom's car, with my portable CD player and headphones, feeling like the ultimate badass. Being just shocked in a 'ooooooOOOOOHHHHH' kinda way when I heard That Line in the original version's first prechorus. (you won’t find that on spotify, kids) The second verse is one of my favorite things, as well as that little bridgey bit. The guitar hits are A++. The track as a whole is a great example of what young vindictive heartbreak looks like. This was the track where I fell in love with the angry heartbroken version of Taylor - but like. Baby Angry Heartbroken Taylor.

3. Teardrops On My Guitar

There is something so visceral about the concept of this track to me. That concept of teardrops on a guitar and being in love with someone who's in love with someone else and that one line about hoping that someone else knows just how lucky they are to have the person you're in love with? Damn. --And speaking of that! Another line you can't find on spotify, the original version of this song! "I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny" is such a raw lyric for debut Taylor, and honestly I'm sad that it's been edited out.

Bonus commentary: The pop version of this song, you guys. That electric guitar chord ring at the beginning is ICONIC. The driving drums! That little fiddle lick between the one chorus and the bridge! The pop version is the one that gives me goosebumps.

4. A Place in this World

This song is such a good track to have on this album. I love the little peek into what it's like to be not only Taylor herself but also, I think, any young teenage girl, trying to figure things out. It's a nice change of pace and a good thing to throw back at people who say that Taylor only ever wrote about relationships or whatever. I think my favorite line is that bit at the end of the first verse: "Even though I'm not the only one who feels the way I do..." because that line is such a good representation of what it's like to be about that age and feeling like a hot mess and being told that you're not the only one. Like yes! I know! I'm not ACTUALLY alone! but it feels like it! Let me wallow for half a second! - Taylor does a great job portraying that feeling, and I think this is a good vocal from her as well, with some cool melodic variance in a couple spots later in the song.

5. Cold As You

Dang, man, okay, listen. Cold as You. This song. The build, the softness at the beginning, the way the other instruments come in leading up to the chorus. The craftsmanship on some of the lyrics, like “a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you” or “every smile you fake is so condescending”.

I think my favorite line, though, is "I start a fight because I need to feel something" because. Wow. That line is powerful and honestly it kind of hurts, especially coming from a 16 year old Taylor. Ouch. The other thing I love about this is where the instrumentation drops out in the last prechorus, going back down to just the piano and her voice - there's a quality to her voice there that just. Oof. (I also love the change to the lyrics in the last chorus, and the change in delivery. I love me a change in delivery, but more on that later)

6. The Outside

This song is hardcore #relatable. If you've never felt like you were on the outside of everything and hated it to pieces, you are the blessed among humanity. I love her delivery on the chorus, the timing and inflection she uses. That final line of the chorus “i’ve been a lot of lonely places, i’ve never been on the outside” is so evocative of what it’s like the first time you feel genuinely excluded from your social scene.

I also learned (from the lovely people at the State of Swift podcast!) that this is a song that she wrote when she was like. Not even a teenager yet. Which just blows my mind. I don't know how much tweaking it received before going on the album, but still. Even if 12 year old Taylor only wrote the bare bones of what it became, that's incredible.

7. Tied Together with a Smile

Somewhere out there on the internet there's a video of me playing this song on my porch at about 15 years old, carefully framed so that my face is not visible. It's.... about what you'd expect from a 15 year old amateur.

I'll admit that this is also not way up there on my hierarchy of favorites on this album (not that such a thing exists in any concrete way). There's something about the intro, whatever that instrument is, that kind of grates on me, and there's a few lyrical things that don't land for me like I feel like they could. There's also just a few too many memories tied to this song that make it hit me in a lot of uncomfortable ways.

I do really love her voice in the final chorus though, with the stripped down instrumental behind her in the beginning. The vocal run she does in the outro is also BEAUTIFUL and really fun to sing along to on the rare occasions I listen to this song all the way through.

8. Stay Beautiful

This is such a feel good song. I love it. The descriptions! “He smiles, it’s like the radio” WHAT A LINE. That paints such a picture and elicits such intense emotion -  it’s something I really can’t describe properly with any other words.

I can’t help but just smile through this entire song. It’s so sweet and so pretty and there’s just something about it that I can’t help but love. I like the walking guitar in the chorus, and the tiny little solo in the turnaround. The message of the bridge is great - even if nothing ever comes from it (and I don’t think anything ever did, irl) at least this person you’re so fond of will know what you think of them. You hope that it doesn't end there, but even if it does...

I dunno, this song is just super heartwarming to me. It’s light and happy and it has a lot of the Things Early Taylor Does that appeal the most to me. I love it.

9. Should've Said No

Okay guys, listen. Despite my deep love for certain tracks on this album, I really think this one is my favorite. It edges out all the others by a relatively narrow margin, but it still does it. And of course there's a billion and one reasons why that's the case just from the album track (the drums! the fiddle! the harmonies! that high note!), but that's not what I really want to talk about here.

The 2008 ACM Awards performance of this song is one of the greatest things I've ever seen, and it needs to be talked about. Admittedly, it's a very Early Live Taylor vocal, but I would defy any of you who saw that performance to tell me that it wasn't a ride from start to finish the first time (and the second time and the third and-- I've watched this a lot ok)

That lowkey wtf moment when she's just on the stage with a guitar in jeans and a hoodie. The breakaway into the dress, and the little microphone lean and the smug face immediately after it.

And then. The final chorus.

I would sell my SOUL to hear Taylor sing that version of this song with her current vocal ability. The change in the melody and delivery gives me chills every single time. That ascending bend on "home" is incredible, and the ache in ‘would get back to me’.

If you haven't seen that performance, you NEED TO. Go find it, it's on youtube, I'll wait.

10. Mary's Song (Oh My My My)

Listen. She’s a cute little number. I love the image of a woman telling the story of this relationship that’s been building since forever - admit it, we’re all suckers for the friends-to-lovers trope, aren’t we?

It feels very nostalgic, very classic - it reminds me of a lot of more traditional country songs. When I listen to it and picture what’s happening in the lyrics, it’s all sepia toned and older style projector film. There’s a warm, coming-home kind of feeling that’s tied to this song for me, though that might have something to do with being raised on 90s country music.

I don’t have any particularly strong feelings about this (except for how my friend attached this song to TWO DIFFERENT FICTIONAL SHIPS and ruined my life) but I like it. I think it belongs on the album. It’s almost tooth-rottingly sweet, but it earns its place.

11. Our Song

Ahhhhh, Our Song. This song will never not have a special place in my heart - I've been playing guitar since I was about 15, and this was the first song I learned to play. This track is why I say that Taylor is the Reason I Play Guitar.

There’s something so cute and first-relationship-slash-coming-of-age-teen-movie about the idea of just grabbing whatever’s nearby to write something down. There’s another iconic fiddle bit at the beginning. It’s endearingly twangy country. Taylor makes some fantastic vocal choices that I think really stand out in a nice way. I love the metaphorical quality of using all these non-musical sounds and non-auditory concepts to build a couple’s song, and I’m a complete sucker for the line “our song is the way you laugh”. Gets me every time.

And now... The Bonus Tracks.

12. I'm Only Me When I'm With You

This track is EASILY my favorite of the bonus tracks on this album. I love this song so much. It’s a BANGER and once again, if you disagree you can FIGHT ME. I don’t know about anyone else, nor do I know if there’s any kind of official statement about this, but this song has always read to me as platonic, even familial. It could be read as slightly codependent, granted, but I think it’s cute. the music video  I like that it’s like... almost like a baby version of the Taylor Swift we now know and love. The beat and the instrumentation feels almost refreshing after listening to most of the songs on this album proper - to be honestly I’m a little salty that it got pushed off to the deluxe version. And of course, there’s an outstanding fiddle piece in the post-chorus, and if you’ve picked up anything from this post so far it should be that I have a deep, deep love for a good fiddle part.

13. Invisible

Oof. OOF. This aching unrequited love ballad. It’s like the softer version of Teardrops On My Guitar, and I’m here for it. She does some super cool melodic things, and I love the way her voice soars in the bridge, and the way it feels like she kind of folds down into herself when it drops down to the prechorus. The ache in “let me want you” and the way it just sort of hangs there like a reaching hand before dropping back into the chorus one last time, and then circling back around to the opening line, finishing with that classic rising steel guitar. It’s just *chef hand kiss*

14. A Perfectly Good Heart

It’s interesting to me that the bonus tracks are literally in order for how much I like them. I don’t have anything against this song, but it’s not one of my favorites. I don’t have a lot to say about it, honestly - I think it’s a solid enough track, but I can definitely see why it was relegated to bonus track territory. And I have to admit, the line “it’s not unbroken anymore” feels a little to me like a reach to put the sentiment in enough syllables to fit the melody. (No shade, there are far worse examples of that in pop music.) The harmony on the end of that line is pretty fantastic though, and the mandolin in the breakdown sits in very nicely.

And with that, we’ve made it to the end of the album. It’s wild to go back and look at the very beginnings with Taylor, given that I’ve been playing the new tracks on repeat for weeks at this point. I’m looking forward to reliving the rest of the journey from this beginning to where we are today.

Next up: Fearless

[radramblog]

Hard-Fi - Stars of CCTV (2005)

Here’s a solid one to start on: not well-known enough to be beloved (at which point I’d be worried about stepping on toes), nor so obscure that no-one knows who the heck I’m talking about.

For those not in the know, Hard-Fi are an English rock band formed in the early 00s, that have unfortunately been on hiatus since 2014. Unfortunately, I was a bit too young for the noughties rock revival (I would have been 6 when this album dropped) so I can’t really comment on how popular or well-received the band was compared to similar, more long-lasting acts such as Franz Ferdinand or the Arctic Monkeys. Around when I first heard this album was when I was going through a bit of a phase with those two bands (and I still love them both, and have their full discographies), and I sort of got this idea in my head of their three debut albums forming this sort of trifecta. You’ve got Franz Ferdinand’s self-titled as this posh, high-class, swaggering album, Stars of CCTV as the working class counterpart, downtrodden and desperate but more worldly and mature, and Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I Am Not between the two with all this youthful energy, as well as pretty handily representing the middle class in this little structure. Worth noting it’s been a while since I’ve listened to that one, so I’m likely to be completely wrong about it.

Regardless, desperate is where we start with Stars of CCTV and it’s opening track, Cash Machine. The very first seconds of the track do an excellent job of introducing the mood of the song, and album as a whole, with this incredibly lonely harmonica bit, the introduction of this smooth little bassline, and a sudden shift into the first verse with it’s hard-hitting drumbeats and sparse, scratchy guitar. The lyrics kick in, as we begin this story of living paycheck to paycheck and not having enough money to get home after a night out. Between that and some of the soaring strings in the back of the chorus the song sounds just like a tragedy in motion. This continues into the second verse, with the singer’s desperate attempts to find a way home, and lamenting the world and situation he’s in, finally cultivating in the final verse- his girlfriend makes a positive pregnancy test, and he can’t afford the baby, so he has to skip out on her. There’s this real sense of loss in the song, with this character who’s sure he’s done nothing particularly wrong in life but is suffering regardless- he’s tormented by his poverty, made manifest in the form of this ATM. Cash Machine is probably my second favourite track on this album, if I’m honest- despite being well-off enough that I will probably never have to relate to it (privilege checked, nice) it’s still incredibly cohesive and just…sad. Hopeless even.

The album fortunately doesn’t stay this low forever, as we follow up with…Middle Eastern Holiday? Aw shit. The song opens and sticks with this faster, more light-hearted drum line (featuring a small amount of cowbell), and it’s not exactly a positive song but it’s certainly no Cash Machine. It’s talking about a heavy topic, but almost with a mocking tone, condemning the idea of late teenagers signing up for the military without thinking it through. It’s a much more traditional song, and thereby much more forgettable, but still a very solid indie rock track.

We then get into Tied Up Too Tight, and I honestly couldn’t tell you what this one is about. Definitely a lot less dark/political than the last few. The build-up to the first chorus gets longer every time I hear the song, I swear to god. I almost feel like this build-up is kind of too long for the payoff it gets. I was a lot higher on the song when I first heard it, but I just kind of get weary of it the more I do. The verses are pretty repetitive, with this 11 or so second loop of instrumental over and over with the lyrics being the only real change until the prechorus, which takes a full minute to kick in. And it’s not like that loop isn’t interesting, there’s actually a lot going on in it, but it just starts to grind on me. And as I said, the chorus doesn’t pay the build off enough to be satisfying, nor does it deliberately fall so flat as to undercut it and release the tension that way. (a tactic which pays off in songs such as Radiohead’s Weird Fishes)

Gotta Reason is the first track on this album I almost completely forgot about if I’m honest. You mean there’s another track on here before Hard to Beat? Damnit. I don’t have any super strong opinions about it, but between it and Hard to Beat we’re firmly entering the “fun” part of this album. I also completely forgot about the fake out ending, which seems completely pointless if you ask me.

Oh hell yeah, Hard to Beat. Hard to Beat was the first Hard-Fi song I heard, thanks to Spotify recommendations, and the only one I’ve heard in public. It’s cleanly their biggest song, and for good reason, because this song is a fucking jam. Lyrically, it’s nothing special, being a fairly straightforward club love song, but it’s just got this really solid vocal performance, especially with the phenomenal prechorus and chorus, as well as this really fun, if basic, guitar line that’s all brought together by this fuzzy bass that I honestly adore. It’s all just great to sing and groove along to, and I can’t even write all of this without being completely lost in it. Seriously, go listen to this song, holy shit. One of the best rock songs that decade. It’s a song with a prophetic title, however, as the remainder of the album is left with an especially tough act to follow.

We enter a 4-song long period here of tracks that didn’t leave enough of an impact on me such that I basically didn’t know any of them until I relistened to write this post. Unnecessary Trouble is another decent rock song, following in the vein of Gotta Reason, but with added “Whoa-oh-ohs” for some spice. Move on Now is a bit of a turn, as it’s a singer + piano song rather than being a rock song. While being incredibly melancholy (as the genre tends to), it still isn’t anything special- the vocal performance is passable, and the piano line is pretty generic. I do like the little bit of bridge that comes in with a little bit of trumpet and a drum machine, and how quiet the vocals get at the very end.

Better Do Better lands as a better Tied Up Too Tight, with this low, relatively quiet build that makes sure not to overstay its welcome before bursting out into the chorus with the vocals SUDDENLY SHOUTING and then chilling out again but now the rest of the song is amped up. It does have a bit of spice for itself with the bridge, which is a little funkier than anything else on the album. The ninth track, Feltham is Singing Out, is basically fine, though the mix isn’t great as far as I can tell- the vocals in the verses are a little muddied in the guitar line. It is a touch harder a song than anything else on the album- the chorus instrumental reminds me vaguely of The Cranberries’ Zombie, but a good bit higher pitched and sped up. Actually, it’s nothing like Zombie, but it has a similar guitar tone if you know what I mean?

At this point I’m basically living for Living for The Weekend. I just love the intro, with this slowly rising synth and this sudden, stuttered percussion that sadly doesn’t continue into the rest of the track. The feel of the song well conveys that feeling of finally being able to take a load off and party after a long week of work, with a vocal performance that sounds vaguely weary, but still relieved and excited. I also love that the track ends on a fade-out with the lyrics “You and I, going out tonight” repeated, as it sort of suggests in some way that that story continues, though hopefully not directly into the last song.

Stars of CCTV’s self-titled finale is another odd one out, being entirely acoustic, and we’re well and truly back to melancholy here. Stars of CCTV referring to the celebrity of the criminal, with the fame and recognition that comes from a wanted poster or your face on the news. The sense of desperation lingers again in this song, like the infamy is what this person lives for, but they almost hate themselves for it. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but hey this is an opinion blog, right. Anyway, the music. Outside of the surprisingly varied vocals the song has not a massive amount to offer, though I really like the playful piano in the bridge, as well as the little claps bringing it all together. It is honestly one of the better songs on the album, and nicely bookends the album with Cash Machine.

Overall Stars of CCTV is a solid album, despite its fair number of forgettable tracks. The lows aren’t especially low, and the highs range from great to fantastic. If you’ve gotten this far without listening to it then I’d recommend fetching your streaming service of choice and giving it 45 minutes of your time.

Now that we’re done here, please please please hit me up if you have feedback or just want to ask something, either here or on twitter @Raderph. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next time.

[jongace]

ok let me try to be a little more coherent than usual and present my hot (or possibly lukewarm) take on all of this

people have noticed, sm doesn’t care about exo anymore.

as someone who’s a fan of several sm groups, i can say with a certain confidence that exo is sm’s biggest project, and for quite some time, their number one priority. they put immense amount of planning into debuting exo, and has since always put a lot of thought behind all of their comebacks (most of them, anyway). this has proven to be a success and exo have basically acquired legend status at this point. so now that the members are getting older and having to enlist, sm are in trouble. they are used to moving onto the next, younger and more relevant group once their old one has reached a certain point, but exo are still flourishing in popularity, and while the nct boys are popular they’re not really where exo were at that point in their career. so last year, exols were quick to notice exo getting a cold shoulder from sm for... a longer time, and when they finally had their comeback the promotions were inadequate. was this a deliberate attempt to make fans leave exo now that they’re going to lose relevance? makes you think 🤔

anyway, we could still expect some activity before the inevitable enlistments, right? a last comeback during spring 2019, or that concert that was hinted at in february? nope. rumours concerning a conflict between members of exo and sm surfaced, which imo seems pretty legit. think about ji for example, after jen/kai i’m sure he would’ve got a chance to shine, perhaps participate in a subunit (sky?) or finally get that solo that’s been hinted at for literal years. but no, he’s been uncharacteristically inactive. not to mention ksoo, who’s been absent for months only to finally drop the news that he’s enlisting early (and yes i know about the film, but in that case, why not enlist directly after their promotions ended? it’s like sm had more things planned for them).

anyway, the alleged beef seemed to put a stop to any full group promotions so sm had to take a step back and rethink their ideas. time for plan b: jd’s solo debut. i love him and i loved his album, but it all seemed like an afterthought. there was almost nothing there in preparation apart for the opening of his youtube channel, barely any efforts to create hype and music show promotions that lasted only for a week... jd was a safe card; someone out of the remaining members would have to go solo sooner or later and he’s the main vocalist, just let him sing some ballads and get that public recognition. another reason for jd being there “”first”” is that he’s the only who doesn’t have anything else going for him. unlike the other members he doesn’t act, doesn’t model, doesn’t have any other projects (like bbh and privé for example) apart from singing for osts which he already had released quite a few of, so a solo debut was really the only way for him to be promoted outside of exo. they threw him out there, played it safe and the ball was rolling. who’s next?

this irritates me so much because he deserved some proper promotions. as does chan/hun and bbh. i’ve been pretty sceptical towards a chan/hun subunit for some time, it feels like something sm threw together just to make more money out of exo when there are more members missing than before. bbh’s announcement didn’t really surprise me, but i’m annoyed at it being so soon. it’s like nothing is properly planned; they just throw solo and unit debuts out there as if the world is ending this autumn. i know neither of bbh or chan/hun are going to get adequate promotions if they’re all debuting in the same. fucking. month. as well as it being the same month as their concerts (featuring six members, i am so thrilled, thank you sm).

basically: sm doesn’t want to focus on exo or put maximum effort into their promotions due to them aging and becoming less relevant, but at the same time they know they bring in money so they still have to promote them during the enlistments. this results in many brief, half-assed attempts at securing a future for the currently active members and milking as much money from the fans as possible. exo fans are not used to exo being sm’s second, or third, or fourth, priority and people like me end up missing the old way of promoting exo through well-thought out comebacks and not random decisions made on the fly with little to no planning. really, as exols we have become so spoiled with good content and amazing comebacks so things like these make a major difference. thanks for listening to my whining.