#he doesnt do favors. but i suppose hes desperate here?

[scoutsbiggestfan]

the implication here? like...

not a ship post btw. for clarification. im just so fascinated by this interaction

[aimfor-theheart]

Back again! I read chapter 3 late at night and now i had to reread parts of it again to get my thoughts in order.

There's grief of suguru's absense of course and his lack of presence permeates throughout the chapter. which is fitting, because that's what grief is, the ghost that haunts you. god, and the fact that reader knows what their last true conversation was like. dropping all pretenses and letting suguru be close and to touch her because. it's the last time she'll ever see him as he was.

for how twisted she is, i really did pity her when shoko and gojo express without verbally saying so, that they love her. but that they also resent/fear/hate her (i put hate because they didn't SAY it but, that was definitely the vibe i was getting. there's some things that dont need to be put into words)

she could not change the outcome, but she could at least make it so it's favorable (To her and to Him). what a bitter pill to swallow

It's interesting to know that we get a bit of a confirmation that Reader does have limitations on her technique. there are some things, like her mother's death that cannot be changed no matter what outcome she tries to find. but that doesn't mean she doesnt have some leeway (her orchestrating and plucking to achieve Haibara's death)

but what gives me pause is when reader tells Suguru that she's always known that she will kill her father. But then, she had also said that there was a version somewhere where Gojo had already killed him before the wedding. Since her mother's death preceded her father's, does that mean her mother had already been murdered? so her fathers death is always followed by her mother's.

it felt like that was what the implication itself but i keep second guessing myself lol which makes sense for her inaction. there are futures that are less favorable, and most favorable. and reader chooses the outcomes that are most favorable to herself and gojo.

oh god and they got married. yeah, the higher-ups REALLY fucked up in letting that happen.

also i desperately wanna isolate the Gojo making reader promise him to put megumi and tsumiki before him and analyze the HELL out of it. because i felt something when i read it and i wanna bite my own ankles because i DONT know how to verbalize or express it. something happened here, and it felt really important. and also shifted my perspective on Gojo in Godmaker a bit.

It makes me think about Reader and Gojo's mother's conversation from earlier, and how Gojo's mother had said that her son had hurt her but she loved him regardless. I mean she's toxic as hell. but in a fucked up way, whether it's true or not, i think Gojo's mom believes that she has put Satoru above else.

And Reader had expressed that she loved Satoru. And she DOES put him above everyone else. But he's her husband, and not her child.

it's that age old question i suppose. Who do you prioritize as the most important person to you? Most people would answer, if they have one: their spouse. because marriage means they have chosen that person alone above all else to spend and share the rest of their lives together. (i mean i dont believe in marriage but gsjkgjks that's definitely the "Norm")

But it's different when you have kids. No one likes to make a choice like that. But most would answer that they would put their children first.

and what this tells me is that Gojo would choose megumi and Tsumiki over reader. It's not expressed as such because the focus is on reader, but the fact that he made her commit a Binding Vow feels telling. And he made her choose them, because deep down he knew between the kids and him...she would still choose him.

which does not help that reader immediately worries and thinks "oh but i planned so that that WOULDN'T happen....unless?" and tried reaching for her pendant. so reader saw a future where she HAD to make a choice. and she's done everything to achieve a future where she never had to make a choice at all.

idk where i was going with this initially but. idk i feel like something shifted my interpretation about reader and gojo. like it's a fundamental difference.

and then that talk at the end of being birthed anew. it feels like another fundamental shift has happened. Childhood is the final shackle holding reader down, and now, it's all gone. she's an adult now and she can no longer be held under the thumb of her father, or the clans.

nothing can stop her now. (haha, we're in danger)

when i saw you had messaged me i got so excited LMAOOO i was with a friend and i was like okay. i need to Wait. until i can Take This In. first of all. you're ALWAYS on to me LMAOOO. i love it. it makes me so happy to see you picking up on these things.

gonna put this under a cut in case it gets too long lol

you are exactly on the nose with a lot of this. there are a lot of different versions of the future that the reader sort of...parses through. its very tricky because if you select one option, it changes several others, etc. etc. she can pull strings, but she's gotta be horrendously careful of which ones. and sometimes she HAS to let some unfold, for other things to take place.

i think there is certainly resentment or hate that shoko and gojo have towards the reader. ig, how could you not? but i also think...shoko in particular, is willing to trust reader to do what is Best, even if it's hard. or i think she sorta...turns a blind eye to it in order to love the reader. gojo does not trust her like that lol well...he does trust her. but he knows what she's doing is not always Morally Best.

to your points about megumi and tsumiki...idk exactly when this story became about like...children, but it did somewhere. and i think also like what would you do for love? how far would you go? i think you're bringing up a lot of really good points of like...who do you prioritize? initially, i just wanted tsumiki and megumi to remain because i was following Canon. but then reader met them and kinda. took over. and decided they would mean more to her and make her contend with more than i initially planned. i think also there's an aspect of...her desire to appease gojo in there somewhere. she knows gojo loves megumi and tsumiki tremendously, so she will too. but now i will stop talking about this lest i reveal more lol

gojo knows more than he lets on. the reader has been pulling strings and making calculated moves but. gojo has been too. this was one of his–to make her give him a binding vow about the kids. i think the the interlude will reveal more.

reader has definitely done everything in order to not have to make that choice. and she will, in fact, continue to do more to ensure that lol

there is certainly a shift!!! reader is certainly changed!! and there is little to stop what she will do now!!

i am very excited to share more with you, always! always so excited to hear what you have to say!! THANK YOU!! for reading and taking the time to dissect this and send me this incredible ask. it means so much to me, as always!! i am gonna go work on the next chapter now because you've made me so excited lol 💕

[anony-man]

I could be WAY off, buuuuuut

So, something tells me at first, Ratchet probably would’ve been sort of soft and pushy about letting Aid “allow them to do what they need to do,” and then maybe he’d get a little more huffy and aggressive about it moving forward. Cue First Aid, on the verge of tears, going ahead with what Ratchet himself knows is awful and fucked up treatment of a bot—any bot, really—who doesn’t deserve it. No one deserves it really, but especially not Getaway. Sure, he’s done awful stuff, but eeeyyaa anyway sorry getting off track.

Okay. My brain won’t offer me up the proper terms for it but psychologically speaking, I can see Ratchet wanting to advocate for First Aid’s stance and be like nah this is fucked up, right? Right. But he DOESNT because their captain says this is the right thing to do and other people say it’s the right thing to do so it’s what we’re doing, no there will be no pushback we are doing it this w—god fucking damnit now his understudy is crying, the poor boy they’re about to mutilate (yes, Ratchet thinks, mutilate is what they’re going to do) is staring up at the ceiling with this look of utter dread and horror Ratchet knows he’ll be seeing in his dreams and it’s just too much, he can’t work under these conditions.

He snaps at First Aid, barks at him, tells him to stop stalling, that this is their job (it’s not, it is not their job, it’s the opposite, and this is wrong—), and if he isn’t going to pull himself together, Ratchet won’t hesitate to kick him out of the room. It’s such an awful thing to do, teaching a young medic to suppress his morals and forgo his training in favor of empowering a sickening war that should’ve died out long ago, but hell, what choice does he have?

It’s a very uncomfortable experience, helping with the process of dismembering a living bot. The otherwise silent air is punctuated by the poorly stifled sounds of Aid’s sniffling (Ratchet is almost certain he’s being far-from-discreet just to prove a point, First Aid’s never been this open about grieving a patient before… not that Getaway can be considered a patient, given the circumstances). By the end of it, First Aid’s struggling to tear off Getaway’s jaw from the hinges when Ratchet cuts in and stops him. “It won’t come off,” First Aid sobs, loosening his grip only for the mangled and half-broken piece to dangle from the side of Getaway’s face. “It won’t—it won’t come off.”

“It’s okay,” Ratchet says, using one servo to gently pat Aid’s shoulder and the other to grab Getaway’s jaw as he pushes Aid out of the way. “It’s okay. Here, let me—let me try. You’ve done enough now. Just go, er… start cleaning up for me.”

It’s a very pathetic excuse to get First Aid out of the room, but it definitely works. Unfortunately, Ratchet doesn’t get a chance to see First Aid for the next three days, and though he’s desperate to hunt him down, desperate for a chance to talk to him in private and apologize and explain everything away and make up however he can, he knows it’d be in vain. Theres’s no apologizing for something like this. That’s not how the world works, really. They’ve become just as tainted as some of the world’s most hardened criminals, and it’s all because of Ratchet’s inability to speak out and go against the supposed leadership and support his fellow medic, who was much more capable of doing the right thing in that situation.

I don’t know if this even properly answers your thought process but boy was it fun to go down the rabbit trail lol. Edited to make this a read more it’s way too fucking long for tumblr scrolling lol

I kind of waffle on if ratchet would have vocally argued against or not with Getaway’s treatment in MTMTE, with the jaw and limb removal etc. Like I know first aid would be upset but I go back and forth on what varying degree of emotional response ratchet would give. Eeeeeeeehhhhh

[gravessyard]

HCs: you feed from someone other than Kaeya

Notes from the crypt: Inspired by this comment made by @naomireyes155, here are some headcanons with that scenario

Tags: GN!Vampire!reader, vampire themes, implied cheating, misunderstanding, light smut

• Kaeya is understandably upset, whining and throwing a mini temper tantrum on the bed that he's supposed to be resting on after a particular night where you may have taken a little too much blood from him.

• To be fair, it was another night of passion that just kind of got lost in said passion. In the heat of the moment you had taken way too much from him and he ended up limp before he could reach his release and you panicked.

• He was saved, of course, but then the realization that he'll need lots of rest to recover what was lost hit you like a truck and you couldnt help but sulk and pout over temporarily losing your food source. You thought of going back to hunting boar but you shudder at the thought of downgrading from a taste you have already gotten accustomed to, so the next best thing has to be a temporary host while yours is recovering. Like hunting prey, you surveyed the sea of drunkards at Angel's Share, trying to determine who would be the best candidate to temporarily quench your thirst. The knights were particularly loud and rowdy, celebrating some event you couldnt be bothered to pay attention to while your sharp eyes scanned over their faces.

• Disappointment was etched onto your face the more you surveyed them, each one dumber than the next and you flop on the bar counter with a dramatic sigh, catching the attention of the redhead attending the tavern. "Whats wrong?" He asked in fake annoyance, he knew that you were in cahoots with his brother so he was lowkey concerned about your low mood. You inform him of your current predicament and he hums, throwing a drink together that he slides over to you, a bloody mary.

• "Well... if you have no other options then I wouldn't be opposed to helping you", he says after a beat of silence, and you have to repeat the sentence in your mind a few times before you process what he actually said. Diluc?? Volunteering??? It was as if Celestia itself opened up to give you a rad high five, your dumb blood-deprived brain didnt hesitate to take him up on his offer, as long as its done your way. And by your way, you meant using his wrist to feed as opposed to his neck, since neck feedings are strictly for Kaeya and his pleasure.

• Right there, in the middle of the bar you latched yourself onto his wrist, since its not considered intimate by vampire standards you had no issues in doing a public feeding, but you forget that there are drunkards inhabiting the tavern, and some had loose lips. Within 24 hours Kaeya had gotten the gossip that you were sucking Diluc's blood, and he was pissed. The rumors that were circulating were talking about how you had tossed Kaeya aside to favor Diluc's blood, so it was akin to you cheating on the Cavalry Captain with his vigilante brother. You were met with a furious Kaeya at the door, tears in his eye and still in a nightshirt, you noticed he wasn't wearing any pants but you didn't have time for naughty thoughts after he slaps you across the face and screams at you for cheating.

• The argument is exhausting, you're yelling back and forth at each other, screaming insults you never mean and tearing into each other's insecurities to try and make the other submit, but neither of you stand down. Kaeya is distraught, scream-crying about your apparent infidelity and you're crying in desperation to try and make him understand that wrist blood doesnt have the same implication as neck blood. Your throat is sore from trying to get him to understand that you'll always want his blood, but a vampire still has to eat.

• "Your blood tastes better than Diluc's because I love you Kaeya!! You're the one I want to spend the rest of your life with!", you admit in a desperate shriek, and the air is filled with silence while Kaeya stares at you wide and teary eyed. The tension seems to melt away, and Kaeya sniffles before he lifts his hands to his face, hiding the grin that was growing on his face. Your frustrations morph into confusion when he starts to giggle, softly at first before it turns into him snorting and laughing softly, the hurt in his eye turning into mirth.

• "Fucking simp", he snorts before you realize he's no longer upset and tackle him onto the floor to beging apologizing for earlier, pressing kisses against his skin and gasping at the sudden poke of his hips against yours. Bedroom sex doesnt seem to be your guys' thing, as you're once again stripped bare underneath him in the living room and mewling at every roll of his hips against yours, grinding against you at an agonizingly slow pace. He's half punishing you for trying to look for another host while also showing you how elated he is at your sudden confession of spending the rest of his life at his side. As a vampire, its evident that he'll die way before you will, but your confession still meant the world to him, as he knows he'll have your individed attention for a long while, and he's selfish.

• There are new bite marks on Kaeya's skin, as well as a glittery new ring on his finger, but he looks like he's feeling good as new, showing up to the knights headquarters much earlier than was anticipated and happily sitting in meetings with newfound energy. The rumors that once circulated around town died down, new rumors popping up that talks about the Darkknight Hero targeting anyone who is talking bad about you behind your back.

[familyagrestefanblog]

Theory for “Gabriel Agreste”

Saying that I'm EXCITED for this episode is an understatement, I'm THRILLED! So let me give you my speculation for what could happen in it and how it’ll affect the future, because pieces are literally just falling into place in my brain and I just have to write this down.

The episode is called" Gabriel agreste" because in this episode Gabriel will create a (long time) Sentimonster for himself that'll take his place and cover for him in his civilian life while he himself gets completely swallowed by his Hawkmoth/ShadowMoth identity (which is a direct paralell to the fate Marinette just escaped by telling Alya her secret). He doesn't want to "waste" anymore unnecessary time by having to NOT be Hawkmoth, which then completely separates him from Adrien who very much was one of the last (if not THE LAST at this point) few strings that kept him grounded in his humanity.

The episode takes place right before the middle of the season and since it's season 4 we are talking about here its fair to assume that both Adrien and Gabriel are back at (at least) suspecting each other to be Chat Noir and Hawkmoth again at some point. Adrien is going to be even more rebellious after the status quo break and set up of "Lies" so him maybe (or maybe even confirmed already to Gabriel) to be Chat Noir could definitely be the factor that sets Gabriel over the edge, rips these two apart for good (as I foresaw in my analysis of "Jackady") and brings Gabriel to distance himself altogether while covering his own identity from his son by creating a Sentimonster (bc Adriens secret being discovered by his evil family is already forshadowed to hell and back, just like him ending up getting Homeschooled again this season, mark my words)

---

"Queen Banana" is supposed to take place right before "Gabriel Agreste" and we have a leak where it's seen that Adrien is now kinda taking on Nathalies role since she is (supposedly) still bed ridden.

Seriously, just humour me here and stay with me. This would mean that Adrien would get to see and interact with his father much more often and Gabriel wouldn't be able to ditch everything and turn into Hawkmoth as easily as he was able to with Nathalie.

A cover up Sentimonster was actually already kinda forshadowed in "Party Crasher"

by introducing HoloGabe with the intention of providing Gabriel with alibis and to attend meetings etc for him in the future so Gabriel can invest more time into being Hawkmoth. But a Hologramm is not suitable for every occasion, which is where the Sentimonster comes into play.

At first Adrien wouldn't notice much off about his father and the few things he notices Adrien actually doesnt mind. If SentiGabe is really supposed to replace Gabriel as... Well, Gabriel, that also means as a FATHER and my money is on SentiGabe being created to be a better father than the original. SentiGabe does everything Adrien wanted his father to do in s1-s3: Join Adrien at dinner time, spend more time with him, is in general in better of a mood and not such an unpleasant dick and so on and so on.

Easy to say, Adrien basically welcomes the good change he always wanted in his "Father" with open arms and chooses to ignore things that seem suspicious and the always remaining gut feeling of something just being... off. This will collide with the unveiling of more of the family (+ Emilie) mystery which will for Adrien all continue to point at Gabriel as Hawkmoth because of one event that is likely to happen in episode 4.

I'm currently writing on yet another post about this topic in particular, so I will link it HERE for elaboration once I post it, but in short, I think Rena Rouge and the Grimoire secrets Marinette shears with Alya could be the catalyst of Adrien suspecting his father to be Hawkmoth again.

Adriens memories of the time he went through the Grimoire himself in "Volpina" would be triggered again after seing the Grimoire page Rena (honestly, quite recklessly) brings along into battle and from then on things will slowly pile up until Gabriel deflects from himself with SentiGabe in "Gabriel Agreste" (just like he did in “The Collector”)

People WAY to easily forget how ready and serious Adrien was in "The Collector" when he actually concidered his father to be Hawkmoth.

Keep in mind that Ladybug was only able to tell Chat Noir the weakest reasons of her suspicion against Gabriel (while the Grimoire being Guardian property was NEVER found out by Adrien... til NOW) that being Gabriels mysterious personality and the butterfly logo of his brand.

These arguments are weak because they are ONLY actually suspicious in the specific context of Gabriel being Hawkmoth. Once you have proof against that they hardly hold any ground anymore, hence why both Adrien AND Marinette so easily brushed off these points after seeing Gabriel akumatized. I mean, excuse a designer for choosing a BUTTERFLY as his logo when his last name is literally the name of a butterfly type. The fuck kind of accusation is that??

So I hope you understand that when I say that, yes, these reasons DID trigger further memories/realizations for Adrien in that moment

It simply was only the tip of the iceberg.

The fact that Adrien not only gave Ladybug the fucking benefit of a doubt and heared her out about accusing his FATHER of being HAWKMOTH and took it THAT seriously and wanted to find out if his father truly IS Hawkmoth means that Adrien very much sees his father as capable of being Paris villain Nr 1. This... understanding and acceptance of Gabriels nature already had to be in Adrien much prior to "the collector" to set it off like this. And while normally Adrien chooses to turn a blind eye towards his fathers bad qualities in favor of seeing Gabriels redeeming (and even the rare somewhat GOOD) qualities, Adrien only does so because he thinks Gabriel hasn't crossed the line yet that makes his father undeserving of these loving conciderations. But Gabriel being Hawkmoth IS CROSSING that line for Adrien and he immediately sets aside his remaining/choosen love for his heavily flawed father and willingly sees Gabriel for what he is.

Adrien already did it once with only a few somewhat solid reasons and the Grimoire being kept secret from him altogether,

So he will do it again, just this time the proofs and developments are supposed to stay for good.

---

This development would not only be forshadowed by "the collector"

But also by the episode "Ladybug". There Mayura used a Sentimonster version of Ladybug against Chat Noir, using their love against him. What she didn't know though was that Ladybug actually isn't in love with her partner (yet) which ended up with Chat Noir being put in the situation of having to decide which Ladybug he believes to be real.

Does he believe and hold onto Sentibug who returns the love he so desperately seeks in life or does he let go of his hopeful wish and accept the heartbreaking reality of once again not receiving his love in return from yet another person he holds so dear?

In "Ladybug" Adrien couldn't make that crushing decision yet (and don't clown in the replies about this, not only was the situation vastly different it's also a cruel thing to ask of Adrien) but as we are used from Miraculous by now, that episode was only the set up for future events.

What Adrien couldn't let himself believe about Ladybug and Sentibug he will have to FORCE himself to accept about his Father and Hawkmoth. Same set-up of the Sentimonster symbolising Adriens desperate and hopeful WISH what his loved one were vs the crushing, heart wrenching reality of what his loved ones actually ARE. Just that letting go of his wish for Ladybugs love didnt seem "necessary enough" for the mission to succeed so he just couldn't MAKE himself give her up whereas accepting and seeing that his father is Hawkmoth is going to be one of the most crucial sacrifices of the show, changing the game forever. So as horrible, cruel and soul shattering as this is, putting an end to his fathers villainous reign for the sake of the greater good is a reason worthy enough to force himself through his pain.Which brings us once again back to “The collector” (which seriously forshadows almost everything I love that episode), because there is ONE major aspect that episodes sets up like crazy

And that is:

And thats where we are heading now.

This entire time Adrien wanted his Father to behave more fatherly, spend more time with him and improve his explosive behavior but he always got disappointed over and over again. So how heartbreaking would it be if over the course of the second half of the season THIS would be the very reason why Adrien gets behind Gabriels secret? Because SentiGabe behaved too fatherly for Adrien to truly buy it in his heart and when forced to decide what he actually believes his father to be - like the fatherly Sentimonster or the villainous Hawkmoth - Adrien has to and WILL recognize and accept his fathers true nature and turn against him, as it has been set up for a LONG time now.

This season shit’s about to go DOWN!

[fipindustries]

pale thoughts

ok so, most recent chapter of pale, i’ve had some time to marinate on it and here are my thoughts:

it would be facile to say that this is ultimatly a deus ex machina, but is not quite that.it very much is meant to be a situation where the girls ran it the fifty yards and durocher did the touchdown.

 and there could be something there. in every circumstance where the girls faced a threat they were never really the ones to give the coup d’ tat. the choir was defeated by the intel the girls collected being used by other practitioners, alexander was defeated by john acting on his own after he was brought into the situation by the girls, bristow was defeated by his own aware and he himself giving up after the girls managed to rile them up against him, the girls set up kennet found so that miss would have the power to interfeer in the wizard raid.

 and so it stands to reason that musser would be defeated not directly by the girls but by the circumstances that the girls either knowingly or unknowingly set up for the guy to get defeated by someone with the actual power to do something about it.

the way the girls operate is not really by attacking, but by building support systems. by creating institutions, by forging strong personable conections

and furthermore! if you would like to go with my interpretation about pale as a story about systems of opression, institutional injustice and political revolution, durocher is in many ways hobbes’ leviathan, the liberal centrists masses that just want to grill for christ sake, the demographic group that time and again decide elections just by the way they sway, the key to reach any kind of real political change is to convince them to ditch the status quo and throw their support towards your movement.

this is all well and good...

however.

there is a bit too much of a disconection between what the girls did and durocher stepping in. the girls challenge musser to the judge trial and then they are declared that they lost. then lucy does a last ditch desperate manuever and that doesnt really add much either, maybe buys some time for durocher to make up her mind. and when durocher steps in, her reason to do so was because some old relationship drama from 20 years ago that was barely and briefly touched upon like a million and a half words ago.

if i was more prone to be mean to wildbow (perish the thought!) i would say that these are some real “harry defeating voldemort by way of wand technicality” hours.

wildbow is a writer who likes to ratchet up tension, who likes to sink things into the darkest dark right before the most triumphant hour. problem is he likes to stretch that moment way too much. 

is the classic movie trope “how will our heroes get out of this one??? is everything lost???? it seems there is no way out now! our darkest hour is truly upon us! but OH LOOK THE CAVALRY IS HERE!”

the problem is that wildbow likes to stretch that moment on and on and on, and to flip flop back and forth, add red herrings and false starts and maybe the won??? maybe they didnt?? is the narrative equivalent of watching a basketball bounce around the rim of the hoop for half an hour. its annoying, its frustrating and it makes all the efforts of the heroes lose all momentum, it is no longer a clear and decisive victory, it feels like a coin toss.

the other problem with this is that this moment is supposed to happen when the heroes are about to lose it all.

not after the powers that be declare that they lost.

the girls lost, they were declared defeated by the judges. all their efforts would have ammounted to nothing if durocher hadnt decided to step in, not at the very last moment, but well after the girls were declared defeated and managed to retroactively tip the scales in their favor simply because she is so absurdly powerful. the fact that she didnt step in as things were being litigated during the expose but quite a bit afterwards, after lucy then tries a confusingly pointless last ditch attempt with her arena, it feels out of tempo. it feels out of step, out of rythm. and this is a world where those things are supposed to matter a whole lot.

it has been said that the spirits are meant to be a metaphor for the readers, the audience. a practitioner is someone who tries to sway the spirits through their art, much like wildbow is trying to sway us by his writing. and the key to get the spirits support is to make things dramatic, to keep them simple and straightforward. to keep things neat and with a sense of dramatic timing. doesnt help that we dont even get to bask in our win all that much because immediatly after the winter court swoops in.

this moment of failure was stretched past its breaking point, if i was such a spirit i would have remained unmoved.

the fact that ultimatly was motivated because she had feelings for a girl whose brother was once murdered by musser makes the hit a little limp. do we actually care about durocher’s inner struggle? about the emotions that undoubdetly went into that relationship, do we really know durocher as a character? as a person? so youre telling me the final touch was this lady the we dont really know that well deciding to step in after it was proven that musser long ago hurt someone durocher cared about, and not during, you know, all the other atrocities musser happily commited and admitted to before in front of her?

is frustrating because all the pieces are there, this is not a terrible ending by any means. this is one of those moments where wildbow’s writing being a rushed first draft comes through very strongly. i could see a version of this chapter that, with just some minimal adjustments in presentation, order and delivery, by just tightening a few bolts here and there would work amazingly.

maybe dont stretch the moment of defeat for so long, maybe add an interlude from the point of view of durocher, revisit that scene at the bar after her group of friends defeated the blue heron, so that the emotions of that moment are fresher in our mind and we get to care more about durocher as a character so that her intrusion in the narrative doesnt feel so out of nowhere.

sigh.

pale, the story of three canadian girls dealing with the falling out of the greater seattle polycule.

[ddarker-dreams]

FINALLY SOMEONE SAID THE TRUTH.

I admit that i enjoyed act 3 but it feels like really rushed i have so much complain with that.

The build up until act 2 was so good it give us so much premise but the final blow si meh. Sorry that i want to share thing long rant with you

1. Why the final talk is with yae, no offense to her but we need ei to explain not to mention she witness khaenriah downfall so she can give us more information, i feel like they do it for the plot armor so they can just keep dragging this

2. So many things that quite inconsistant, the shogun is show no mercy to anyone that even did a little thing outside what she think its right, how come she can still have a talk with signora, when sara is falling like that, and also there is no clarification about sara right now.

The traveler was so done at first they refuse to help thoma and ayaka at the beginning. But they seem so happy and forget everything how come they are not RAGE ( okay maybe this is to bias and personal) when this nation provide nothing about our siblings information and also why they are not mention anything about their problem in ei stroy quest. Its nonsense! She is right in front of youu, ask about your siblings, ask about khaenriah, ask about ukmown god!!. How come they can just forget like that. Also mihoyo really waste the potential about twin things i thing ei will give us so much help bcs of the sympathy that we both rn lost our twin but noooo.

3. Kokomi seem lost some brain cell, she make a very succesfull grand intro but she become meh in act 3, how come a great strategist like her let the sus sponsorship slip just bcs they are desperate, not to mention her screen time is really small and her role seem so unsignificant and it feels lile she is a plain npc.

4. The awesome world quest that we have done doesnt get any mention at all! Inazuma owe us so much with cleansing sakura, thunder sakura, tatarigami, obarashi quest. It has so much potential that yae or ei or anyone else aknowledge what traveler has been done but nooo.

cracks knuckles... i suppose it's time for my promised dissertation. interestingly enough, you touched on a lot of the main issues i had with chapter III.

i think that if i had to pin the main issue, it's a lack of overall cohesiveness? we were jumping all over the place without the chance to ever flesh things out. inazuma is a smaller cast, but i feel like we didn't get to see any of them shine. since i'm most interested in the genshin characters, i'll break down my problems by going over everyone and their (lack) of impact on the story.

was ayaka not questioned or placed under suspicion for being close to thoma before his escape? i wanted to see her broken up over her duties as they relate to the yashiro commission, paired with having someone she genuinely cares about in danger. it would've been an interesting struggle if she was forced to choose one or the other. instead she just kinda took a back seat.

speaking of thoma, i don't even have anything to say, because he just... was there? for .0001 seconds. said "lol this sucks ig" and that's about it. i know we're going to get a story for him in the future since he's a 5* but i'm not getting my hopes up 😭 then in the raiden shogun's character story, man is peachy keen! be upset with the raiden shogun! have some inner conflict! even if it's just using loaded language because he's under surveillance for going against the raiden shogun, that'd be so cool. saying something like,

"Traveler, what's with that expression? Oh please, there's nothing to worry about. We're under the Statue of the Omnipresent God's protection. Nothing bad has ever happened here." *wink*

i also don't know what to say about gorou. he was... there....... i think. what is he fighting for? what are the stakes for him? what makes him place so much trust into kokomi? i'm out of things to say about him because i don't remember anything he did or said.

kokomi... oh kokomi... i was so hyped. so excited. i thought that maybe we could see a foil to the raiden shogun. that she'd have a moment where she's forced to realize, just like her opponent, sacrifices must be made that will hurt people who will never understand why she made them. or maybe something to show her military prowess. but instead she just accepts a mysterious patron's help (?), sees her people aging like the grateful dead from JJBA, and goes oh well. that sucks. what can ya do. oh bye traveler i guess, good luck with that. ????????????? HUH... similar case to thoma where she's gonna get a character story but like. she won't be the leader of the resistance anymore. that was her whole shtick. they took her shtick away. also she forced me to interact with more NPCs whose names i've already forgotten so i'm tilted about that still.

KUJOU SARA... AN INJUSTICE. A DISGRACE. a slap to my woman loving face. the build up was there. yae miko's comments about sara probably knowing the tenryou commission is involved in shady dealings, but is choosing not to think about it. sara being forced to confront reality and challenge her adopted father with the truth. being able to blaze a new path for herself in the process. when she started running to the raiden shogun i was ultra hyped up. sara, a devotee to the shogun for so long, was about to see her god interacting with the same people who led inazuma to this awful state. how would she react? would she stay ignorant, like yae miko so coyly said, choosing to look away in favor of following her god's footsteps? or would she be forced to recognize the raiden shogun isn't as divine as she once thought, and challenge her belief system?

we open the door to see the raiden shogun. the loading screen ensues. the camera pans to the ominous room, clouded in darkness, hinting at the ominous confrontation that is to come. the music takes a serious timbre. and then...

well fuck that potential character arc i guess. (we still don't know what sara made of any of this since she poofed out of existence from the story at this point)

kazuha also was handed a similar treatment. we've been with him for a while longer now. he is our introduction into inazuma, the one who first gets us emotionally involved by regaling us with the bittersweet tale of friendship that led him to becoming a wanted criminal. a kind soul who loves nature yet was dealt a cruel hand by fate, forced to watch his home nation turn into a hostile place, where his dear friend ultimately perished as a result. we get the scene with his friend's vision lighting back up. he parries a block from the raiden shogun, in the same area where his friend was killed by her. the parallels. the drama. except this time, he wasn't too late. he protected the traveler where he "failed" to protect his friend in the past. did he feel redemption at this? or was it a bittersweet reminder of what could've been?

WELL i guess we'll never know because we didn't get to talk to him again 😭 idk who got a bait and switch worse, him or sara. jesus christ mihoyo.

then we have signora. why is the raiden shogun talking to her? does she know about the gnosis being taken, and if she doesn't, what was her plan to get it from the archon? what does she think about scaramouche? and oh, okay, we're fighting here now. good fight + god tier music. pog pog. okay, now we've beaten her up, and raiden shogun wyd— wait no not signora her lore is still on CUPS not YET raiden shogun and— ah she's dead. okay. non nerds who didn't read artifact lore are going to know nothing about her. signora has such an interesting story, and yet... well. ok.

then we get raiden shogun redemption (?) arc. i was hype for this as well, though at that point, idk why i bothered being hype. i knew they were gonna do a cute power of friendship something or another, and i'm good with that, so long as it's executed well. what i was envisioning was like seven different buffs to correspond with the seven different visions, the dreams of those whose ambitions were stolen serving as the spear to penetrate the raiden shogun's heart of stone. maybe a hydro vision giving us extra healing for a time, with the voice acting over it being like,

"Even if the rest of the world forgets us, let our will carry you through this one final time. Succeed where we couldn't, Traveler."

so on and so forth.

but instead we got— you get the idea at this point. why bother spelling it out anymore.

at that point i was surprised the raiden shogun didn't go "oopsie woopsie!! we made a fucky wucky!!!" because that was the vibe i was getting. i love ei, don't get me wrong, but i wanted to see her challenged with what she had done to inazuma in the past year. maybe meeting NPC #2345259 who lost her sister to the vision decree or something, reminding ei of the love she held for her sister... being forced to come to terms with the extent of what she's done in pursuit of eternity.

anyway. please for the love of god mihoyo hire better writers for the main story. that is all i ask. thank you.

[roughentumble]

oh fuck what if Jaskier starts giving Geralt little tokens, bits of clothes or handkerchiefs or whatever, as good luck charms before contracts bc he's seen ppl do it for knights and genuinely thinks it's just a good luck thing

but Geralt, who knows all about knights and their code and their customs, knows that when someone gives a knight a token like that it's a sign of their favor, specifically their romantic favor

Jaskier always says "for good luck" when he gives them to Geralt so Geralt's not sure if Jaskier actually knows the romantic implications but desperately hopes that he does

!!!!!!!! ohhhh i adore thisssss with every FIBRE of my BEING and theres so many wonderful places to take it like oh

geralt's gotten a few from jaskier, wasnt sure what to make of them and just accepted them wordlessly. but this time he asked what jaskier meant by it. he sits atop roach, the little silk handkerchief between his fingers, and mulls over what jaskier's said-- a good luck charm, like for knights-- considers his next move. usually a knight would receive something like this before jousting, and would tie it somewhere visible, displaying his lady's (or in this case lord's) favor to the crowd. but he doesnt joust, and there's no crowd where he's going. he stares intently at the fabric as he mulls over his options.

well, the opinion of crowds never mattered much to him, so just jaskier's eyes will have to do. but this contract is genuinely too dangerous for jaskier to come along, so very slowly geralt presses the token back into jaskier's hand. "i cannot accept this today," he says gently, "but im not rejecting it either. the next time you want to come along on a contract, give me this exact handkerchief, and i'll take you, as long as it isnt too dangerous." jaskier looks confused for most of it, but his face lights up when he hears that offer.

"well! i cant say i understand why, but im certainly not going to turn that offer down!" he says, smile blinding. geralt cant help but smile back.

time passes. jaskier cashes in the handkerchief on a contract for a chort. dangerous, but geralt thinks he can get jaskier a vantage point that's close enough to watch but far enough to be safe. not unlike the stands of a jousting ring. he chuckles a little at the thought and, once jaskier's comfortably seated, geralt takes out the favor and ties it around one of the straps of his armor. "what are you doing that for?" jaskier asks.

he's genuinely curious, but geralt mistakes it for coyness, and he smiles indulgently. "what, indeed?" he says, trailing his fingers over the fabric. the promise to come back to him, safe and victorious. not a promise a witcher gets to make, but one he desperately wants to fulfill anyway. "now stay here." he says gently, and goes to finish his preperations.

he does wish jaskier had picked a beast with more intelligence, something in that sweet spot between brainless ghouls and the too-intelligent succubus, something he could really spar with, parrying blows and such, but the way the chort charges isnt entirely unlike a horse and rider, the horns not unlike a particularly deadly lance, so he supposes it'll do.

when the fight is over, the beast beheaded, he walks back to jaskier's hiding place and presents it to him-- proof of success. jaskier is delighted(though admittedly the gore of a severed head makes him look a bit green), and geralt takes it as confirmation. token accepted, task completed, knight returned home safely. acceptance from his intended. it all makes sense, even if he had to modify it a bit.

all that's left now is to start courting jaskier.

[spacemiddenzz]

so i was watching @super-metroid's stream of Jimmy and the Pulsating Mass (highly recommend by the way) and she fought Imaginary Numbers this time. I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts on it, since it's my favorite boss and all. This is gonna be a longpost and it's gonna have spoilers so the whole thing can be found under the cut.

So, to put it simply, this dungeon is about stress and confusion. It's about Jimmy's mind frantically trying to comprehend the high-level math that Andrew is teaching him on top of his schoolwork. Jimmy thinks that his dad is the smartest man in the world- this is hyperbole for sure, but the fact that Andrew is quite intelligent remains clear. Jimmy looks up to Andrew because of his intelligence- and because of this it means a lot to Jimmy to be praised by Andrew. He wants his dad to view him as intelligent as well, because, if a man as smart as Andrew thinks Jimmy is smart, he can't be wrong! And hell, it feels nice to be validated by your parents.

Clearly, Andrew has already recognized Jimmy's talent with numbers and has started teaching him concepts beyond the second-grade curriculum, something that we see in the flashbacks in the Symmetrical Cavern. However if Imaginary Numbers' design is anything to go by, these concepts may be at or above the high school level. They're too much for Jimmy to understand. He's only eight, and his mind just isn't ready for that yet. Still, he feels the pressure to keep up with- and understand- the work that Andrew gives him. Why? Because he fears failure. He worries that if he admits to his father that the work is too hard, Andrew won't see him as a "smart boy" any longer- and that praise and validation means a lot to Jimmy. He doesn't want to lose it.

Let's start with the song that plays during this nightmare dungeon- Counting Backwards From Infinity. From the erratic bassline to the random samples of people shouting numbers in no particular order over and over again, this song simply screams disorder and panic. As a person who has always struggled with math, it's incredibly relatable. Counting Backwards From Infinity always reminded me of taking math tests in high school. I was so slow that I almost never could finish a test in a single class period. The frantic, wild bass and the cacophony of people screaming numbers out of order reminded me of trying desperately to remember how to solve a type of problem- and do it quickly enough so that I could hand the test in before the bell rang. I imagine that this is how Jimmy feels when Andrew places in front of him a concept that the boy does not fully understand. Perhaps he's had it explained to him several times but still can't fully grasp it (likely because, again, the kid is eight). The wild confusion and stress he feels when he doesnt fucking understand what's in front of him and doesnt want to look like an idiot in front of his dad. Even the name of the song is a reference to the fact that at this stage of his life this stuff may be an insurmountable task.

The dungeon itself is also set up in an incredibly confusing way. There's a bunch of bizarre-looking purple structures and winding paths. You teleport all over the place with no particular rhyme or reason. The enemies in this area, too, are deformed geometrical shapes that are almost Lovecraftian in the way that they cannot be understood. To Jimmy, Andrew's teachings might as be as comprehensible as a Lumpagon or a Squiggles, and that's definitely the idea that one gets here. The confusion, the pressure, the panic.

At one point in the dungeon you're teleported to a fakeout area that looks like the Path of Enlightenment. This is my favorite thing about the Asymmetrical Cavern, because of the fact that it has so many cool secrets, but also because it gave me a feeling that I could (once again) relate to. Jimmy's teleportation to the Path of Enlightenment isn't random. It represents familiarity in a sea of confusion. Jimmy sees something he recognizes during Andrew's lessons. Maybe he thinks that he's finally got the hang of it- that he's studied hard enough and now all of this jargon makes sense- only to be rudely awakened by the fact that he's been doing it wrong and never understood the concept in the first place. Even the secrets kind of hint at this. If you speak to pointman in this part of the dungeon he says "I am the blood of numbers leaking from your ears. The nails of ignorance are already being driven into your brain. What point is there in giving voice to madness?" (which is metal as fuck by the way)

Jimmy just thinks that his inability to understand makes him an idiot. His lack of understanding- the nails of ignorance- are being driven into his brain. If he can't understand all of Andrew's teachings, maybe he was never a smart boy after all.

And finally let's talk about Imaginary Numbers itself. First of all, it's an amalgamation of a bunch of different mathematical symbols, including a tombstone, a slashed epsilon, and a sigma. I'm sure there are more, but those are the only ones I recognized, honestly. Given that dreams don't really make things up, instead just taking things that you have seen/experienced before, it looks like Jimmy has encountered some... seriously advanced shit. Tombstones are used in geometric proofs. I only started doing proofs in high school geometry, meaning that Jimmy may very well be learning concepts meant for kids twice his age. No wonder the poor kid is stressed.

Oh yeah, also the boss sucks ass to fight. I've heard some people call that bad game design, but I'm not sure that's how I'd classify it. Sure, like I said, the boss sucks complete ass to fight and is almost entirely RNG-dependent. From a gameplay standpoint, this is wack as hell, yeah. Fucking 30% chance to deflect any magical or physical attack with a 30% chance to dodge a physical attack on top of that? Definitely bad game design. But from an artistic standpoint? Not at all. In fact, the futility of this fight adds to it. It really drills into your head that the only thing on your side here is pure fucking luck. And the odds aren't in your favor.

The feeling of futility- of the fact that this may in fact be, by all definitions, an insurmountable task for Jimmy, really struck home the situation. The battle would not be nearly as impactful without this. And personally, I'm all for it. Imagine walking into the Asymmetrical Cavern for the first time, not knowing what to expect. You get your ass handed to you on a silver platter by Imaginary Numbers after it chains Program Omega at you five times in a row.

That's the feeling Kasey wanted to give you. And it's critical. It's just... so perfect, I honestly don't know how to put it into words. It was supposed to represent the confusion and turmoil of a task nigh insurmountable. And it did the job pretty damn well, if I do say so myself.

I know Jimmy is good at numbers and this wasn't supposed to represent a real struggle with the subject of math/the concept of numbers in general, but hot damn if I didn't feel seen. Except Jimmy is eight but I was like 17 struggling in precalc with the same shit. I guess we know Jimmy's smarter than I am rip

TLDR; andrew please stop putting unnecessary stress on your kid youre freaking him out

anyway if you guys have any thoughts about this boss or this dungeon in general i would love to hear them. but where im at its like 2 AM so im probably gonna it the mf sack for now. later dudes

[autisticzukka]

what is this hakoda zuko arranged marriage you speak of? i am intrigued

okay so the long story short is that it’s a slight rebuttal of a popular post that is very fun but i find like... unrealistic in a really intriguing way like, how would this ACTUALLY play out. I’ve talked about it at length in my server a few times, and it’s one of those AU’s -- like the genderbend zukka ATLA rewrite or the zukki fic that starts with sokka failing to assassinate zuko -- that lives rent free in my head and I’ve written a couple thousand words for.

tw for like VERY unrequited zuko in love with hakoda and the inherent comedy of sokka being in love with his fire nation stepmom.

so here’s hakoda, chief of the southern water tribe, happily not-married to Bato. and here is a more balanced war, where the north and the south are actually  allies, rather than whatever the fuck they were in ATLA. Yue already has a fiance and the Northern chief refuses to remarry. that leaves hakoda responsible for biting the bullet and doing a political marriage even though, as he points out at length, he is an elected official and if he stops being elected it’s no longer a marriage with the chief of the south pole. intelligently but mostly selfishly motivated (yue’s fiance is his nephew, after all) pakku points out that its not like the fire nation knows... that. the fire nation is dumb. ozai’s stupid.

faced with such inarguable points hakoda stiffens his upper lip, pre-emptively ends things with bato on the understanding that if this is another kya situation they’ll get back together and that he’s still the most important person to him but the tribe comes first yada yada, and deals with katara throwing the mother of all tantrums. it is slightly softened by the fact that in return for him marrying the fire nation noble, a thing everyone can agree isn’t traditional, the north has finally agreed to train katara. she heads out before the wedding, in protest but also so as to not cause an international incident.

(on her way, she’ll find aang. with the war less dire, katara will be sympathetic towards his desire to live without committing violence, even if she deeply can’t relate. they’ll have a hot girl romcom summer of self discovery and coming to terms with the dichotomy between duty and love as they become master benders. at some point they pick up toph. they ARE a throuple.)

sokka meanwhile is like.. not cool with it.. but ? kind of relieved? like. he’s the eldest kid. he’s 18, and he’s been a man of the tribe as far as legalities for several years. it would have been entirely understandable if his dad had asked HIM to do it. he had his emotionally crushing romance with yue, and as much as he was like ‘im kind of a prince’, he finds he doesn’t actually want some of the responsibilities and demands that would bring. yue’s life sucks.

back in the fire nation, zuko never demanded a quest and never went on it. he’s spent years hardening into something that, while brittle, can survive the pressures of the court around him. he still has his scar. he still wants his father to love him, but he knows by now that it’s not something he’s capable of earning. he watches his sister, never the most stable person, start to have complete breakdowns of sanity once she hits puberty, and helps her cover for it and receive medical treatment on the down low. he’s the heir, but he lives knowing that if he was ever in a position to inherit his choices are to abdicate or have the baby sister who he raised kill him and destroy herself and the country in the process.

when he realizes the plan is to marry azula off rather than someone more reasonable-- mai is RIGHT there, for fucks sake-- he doesn’t realize ozai’s true intent is to fuck this up through malicious compliance and false shows of good faith. he panics, and does the zuko thing: he blurts out that this is unacceptable and immoral and she’s only 16 and Ozai sees the true opportunity for two birds with one stone. send zuko, let him piss someone off so badly he gets killed or divorced, and he gets rid of zuko from the line of succession permanently. there are those who are incredibly attached to teh idea of a firstborn for firelord, and it’s been a constant thorn in unpopular ozai’s side to nto be able to name azula his heir apparent without costly rebellion. but if he can taint him in the mind of the fire nation so much that birthright is easy to supercede-- yeah. this’ll work PERFECTLY.

so zuko is sent to marry hakoda, chief of the water tribe.

literally NO ONE was expecting it to be a member of Ozai’s immediate family. besides the fact that his oldest child is half hakoda’s age and his brother has 20 years on hakoda, it would have been sus as fuck - the treaty is not favorable enough to grant that kind of secession of interests. it becomes quickly apparent that this young man -- hakoda reminds himself of that repeatedly. not kid. not kid. young man. don’t think of him like a kid, it’s hard enough on both of us already. -- is not a horrible threat. he’s scared shitless and shakes with what he thinks is bravado. he’s desperate to make the marriage work. he’s desperate to not go home. he’s got a giant fucking scar on his face from where the fire lord punished him for some grievous but unstated offense.

zuko “daddy issues” fire nation sees his husband to be and, despite being scared shitless, immediately begins to soften a little. like... he’s not nearly as scary as he thought he’d be. his face can be stern, but it just as easily breaks into huge smiles, and his eyes are crinkled with laughter. he’s incredibly handsome. and his biceps are. his biceps. are. his hands are...

like. zuko thinks. okay. maybe. maybe his marriage duties. won’t be so horrible as he thought. maybe he’s ready for this. and he knows what to expect, Uncle had discreetly provided him the means and the contacts to acquire an intimate education in the whirlwind of activity that was the two months before leaving. and like, once he’d gotten past the nerves, it was often even... good? or at least... not bad? he thinks that even if hakoda isn’t a professional expert, he has a certain.... je ne sais quoi, if you will.

((DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF))

sokka sees his new stepfather and immediately falls in love because he’s that kind of dumb bitch. (the core of this au is that i cant breathe thinking about sokka falling in love with his hot young stepmom his age who his dad doesnt even want to fuck. like. i CANT. sokka masturbates to ‘hand caught in the washing tub’ fantasies which are even more absurd for requiring zuko to be DOING LAUNDRY. i find it so funny.)

bato watches them at the wedding feast while hakoda is very clearly trying to treat zuko as an Equal Adult Partner and mostly managing to seem like someone having a serious conversation with a seven year old about the game they’ve made up. zuko is clearly enamored with it, soaking up the attention, blushing and doing his best to Bravely Flirt, which at one point includes awkwardly attempting to feed Hakoda by hand. bato has to excuse himself to have a teary eyed giggle, hoping that Kya is in the spirit world looking down and laughing with him. he can’t resent the kid even a little bit, when hakoda is sitting there looking so incredibly fucking befuddled as to what he’s supposed to do with this star struck infant he’s legally wed to

anyways all of this... is very funny. their wedding night... is less so. zuko does not take the rejection from hakoda very well, especially because he’d been caught wanting. HE’S the one who should be rejecting hakoda. and he catastrophizes almost immediately about his potential value to the water tribe, his future treatment, that endless inescapable freezing cold loneliness is the good ending for him here... hakoda, meanwhile, drops zuko off at his home, reassuringly informs him that there’s NOTHING else expected of him and he will be well taken care of, and books it to bato’s. bato refuses to let him in on grounds of ‘you can’t sleep under the same shelter as me on your wedding night to that kid, have a fucking brain’, and he ends up crashing at sokka’s.

sokka, who had KNOWN that his dad wouldnt, but also upon seeing zuko and zuko’s awkward flirting was like... but how COULDNT he???? sokka is relieved.

the core of this fic is that i find it endlessly hilarious for zuko to try and seduce his husband while sokka simps around zuko and bato tries to be heartbroken or betrayed but mostly ends up with a giant case of hysterical schadenfreude. but the thing that CLINCHED it for me, like THE scene. several years after being married, settled into their life. they’re partners and they see each other as people. and zuko just fucking snaps one night

he just kisses him, desperate and clawing and climbing and maybe a little drunk. he knows hakoda is going to push him away, maybe even hit him, but he doesn’t care anymore, he doesn’t care. he can do anything he wants to him as long as he just-- finally does something. zuko is 21 and married to the surface of the sun and the surface of the sun jr is his best friend and clearly in love with him-- so clearly not even zuko can miss it-- and like. listen. listen. zuko is not a patient person. but he’s been patient for this. he waited and he matured and he is a fucking amazing husband and he wants this, he wants him. he wants to be wanted.

but hakoda doesn’t push him away. hakoda doesnt yell at him, or hit him. hakoda gentles the kiss into something soft and closed lipped. he pulls away slowly, and his eyes are so sad for zuko, so pitying. he strokes his cheek with the back of his hand so gently. he says, I’m sorry. I don’t want you.

and zuko daddy issues fire nation swallows

and he nods

and he leaves, even though its his own fucking house

and he knows he’s never going to be good enough

like FUUUCK i am OBSESSED WITH THAT

[spygender]

Written by @ninja-kitty-more-like-no

Spy’s not quite sure how he fucked this one up so badly.

The last round ended half an hour ago, and he has no idea whats happened to his ankle except that he got caught on the edge of one of the BLU Demo’s explosions and he’d heard something pop, and now he can’t walk. He’s holed up a few rooms away from Respawn, and he knows there are people in the base. He can hear them moving above him. If he just waits, someone will find him. He will be fine.

He leans his head back against the wall. He just has to wait.

He’s not sure how long he stays there, but it’s long enough for the sensory deprivation to kick in. When the lights flick on, his hands are balled around his lighter and his jaw is set. He flinches when he feels someone cup his jaw, flicks his knife open to their throat before he processes who or what or why.

Medic blinks at him, his thumb still resting delicately on Spys cheek. Neither of them move for a long moment.

“I don’t suppose you just decided to take a nap down here, did you?” Medic asks conversationally. He gently pats Spy’s cheek before moving to inspect him. He’s not wearing his coat. “You should know by now that there are perfectly good beds upstairs.”

“I’m well aware,” Spy responds, slightly hoarse from his silence. He clears his throat. His chest has gotten tight, suddenly. “I hurt my ankle.”

“You could have gone through Respawn,” Medic chides him quietly, probing gently at his ankle. He hisses as the pain flares. “We were worried about you.”

He doesn’t apologize, although that spring coils tighter in his chest. He doesn’t say anything, just lets Medic finish his examination, his tongue between his teeth. He doesn’t trust himself to speak right now.

“It’s definitely broken,” Medic tells him cheerfully. “The good news is that I can definitely fix it. Or I could give you hooves instead! Your choice!”

Spy stares at him for a moment. “Absolutely n- what are you doing.”

In the time it’s taken for that recommendation to set in, Medic has scooped him up into a bridal carry with an alarming amount of ease. He can feel every spot where he’s being held- in desperation, he hooks his arms around Medics neck and squeezes his eyes shut.

Medic laughs quietly, and gently bumps his head against Spy’s. His face feels uncomfortably warm under his mask. He’s beginning to think he may have hurt a rib, too, because it feels like the upper part of his torso has been left on the floor. “I am not going to drop you, Herr Spy. Have a little faith.”

Spy doesn’t react except to blush harder and look away, which, really, should tell him all he needs to know.

~|~

He’s not hurt like that again for some time, which means he’s not at all prepared for his next interaction of this caliber. He’s just sitting on the couch reading a book when Medic sits down next to him and starts to read over his shoulder. Which is- which is fine, if slightly off-putting. He’s dealt with this before, and at least Medic doesn’t try to make him wait to turn the page. It’s fine. It’s all going just fine.

Coo.

There is a bird in his lap.

The bird was not in his lap a moment ago.

Before he can open his mouth, Medic has already launched into an explanation about the literacy rates of doves in this area, and how his have a private education and need to keep their edge if he’s going to affect any real change, and how Spy is doing him such a favor, really, if he’s just let his bird stay where it is and read Descartes with them-

“Take your pigeon back.”

Medic pouts for a moment, then scoops up his bird and strokes its head with the pad of his thumb as it coos quietly. “She’s a dove.”

“She’s not going to sit in my lap for storytime,” he bites.

He pouts harder, reaching for Spy’s book. “What if I read, and you both sit for storytime?”

Spy does not object. Medic takes the book and presses a kiss to his cheek over his mask.

When he starts to read, Spy doesn’t hear a single word.

~|~

Every time he looks up and sees Medic clapping someone on the shoulder, pulling them into a hug, sprawling out contentedly with one of his teammates, it’s like the image puts a spade into the ground deep in the centremost valves of his heart.

He wants to be part of this so furiously that it hurts.

(And here is the thoight he cannot dispel: he is not made to be held.)

~|~

He finds Medic scribbling something in a notebook at the kitchen table the next night. He does not ask what it is, just sits across from him and stares at the tabletop until the pencil stops moving.

“You don’t sleep in your mask,” Medic says quietly, as if to inform him. Spy can feel him tracing over the lines of his bared face. His hands are trembling.

“I am not asleep,” he murmurs.

“You are not.”

There is a moment of silence. Nothing moves in the complex.

“Is everything alright?” Medic asks gently, and Spy wants to laugh at the sheer absurdity of the question. His skin itches where he is observed. “Did I... would you like to talk?”

No. The thought pulls something to his throat. He can’t do that now. He puts his shaking hands on the table and watches them instead of Medics face.

A longer stillness. Medic gently takes one hand in his own, and slowly begins to rub his thumb over Spys wrist, where his pulse twitches and spasms and- and-

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Medic tells him evenly. He can’t breathe. “I am going to ask you some questions. I am going to come over to your side of the table, and I’m going to take you to my office, and we will share my bed and sleep. I will not stop touching you unless you ask me to. Is this a good plan?”

He nods like a marionette on a string. Yes. Good. Medic squeezes his hand. “How often do you make skin to skin contact in a nonviolent fashion?”

He... doesnt have an answer for that. He doesn’t know. Not often. He doesn’t answer. Medic squeezes his hand and tries again.

“More than once a day?”

No.

“More than once a week?”

No.

Medic makes a small noise. Spy might call it distress if he didn’t know better. “I see.”

Spy looks up at him. There is an expression on his face he doesn’t immediately know how to quantify- sorrow, anger, calculation- longing- god. He’s so tired. It seems incredible that this contact has lasted so long, so gently- he wants more. He wants-

Medic moves to his side of the table and wraps an arm around his shoulders. Spy leans into it without hesitation, sighing quietly as Medic kisses the top of his head. “You don’t have to share your bed,” he murmurs quietly. He doesn’t know why he’s saying it. He has to ask. “I can- I am fine going back to my room, it’s not a problem-“

“Yes, it is.” Medic pulls away, forcing Spy to look at him. “You are in pain. Please let me help you.”

He’s back in the dark room.

He is not alone.

He leans forward, gives Medic plenty of time to see what he’s choregraphing and pull back.

He does not move.

Spy kisses him. Medic cups his chin and kisses him back.

He is held. He is safe. He is loved.

The room is dark, and he is not in pain.

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Track Opinions part 5: Roman

(I’ve been saving Roman for a while now and I am PUMPED! So here’s a late birthday present to our royal lad ❤️ It’s also super nice to save the creativitwins for last because both of their playlists reference each other quite a bit 👌)

1) A Gay Disney Prince: I mean... are any of us surprised? This song is basically Roman’s anthem, so it was bound to be on his playlist. I do find it interesting that both Roman and Remus are the only sides with songs made by Thomas on their playlists. I guess it goes to show that having a big ego runs in the creative family 😂

2) Wonderboy: Only two songs in and we already have a song about Remus, or “young Nastyman, archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy” in this case. You’ll start to get the idea from Roman’s playlist that he really misses being with his bro. This song portrays Roman as almost a perfect and untouchable force. He is seperated from all of his nasty thoughts and is the perfect embodiment of what Thomas sees creativity as (“High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds, There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly. Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.”). I like to imagine that the singer of the song is Thomas, looking to Roman for comfort. Creativity most likely split as a way for Thomas to, not very healthily, cope with his intrusive thoughts (“Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power? Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?”). It’s also interesting to note that at the end of the song, Roman and Remus seemingly join forces very successfully (“Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces; they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen”). Perhaps this is hinting at either Romans want to have his bother back, or possibly foreshadowing to their relationship dynamic in the future. I know I’d love to see Roman and Remus team up together in future episodes, maybe even against Patton and Janus in the next episode?

3) Disney Princess: This song is all about Roman dreaming about being in the lives of different disney princesses. Honestly it’s not super deep, but it does show just how much Roman loves to fantasize about escaping reality and living in his ideal dream world. He wishes his life were more interesting and exciting like what you would see in a movie. Also, Roman is SO desperate for someone to love him... poor guy (“I'd be a handsome man's wife And we'd kiss and we'd kiss And we'd kiss”).

4) Broadway, Here I Come!: (tw suicide) So this song is... interesting. It can be interpreted in two different ways: one being a song about how making it on broadway is a huge leap and very difficult, and another about a person literally jumping off of a building and commiting suicide. I always think of Logic vs Passion during this song because while Roman believes he is acchieving his dreams and is willing to take risks, Logan just believes he’s setting himself up for failure. I think Logan’s view on Thomas’ life and career choice is very hard on Roman and, by the topic of the song, affects him greatly (“The people all are pointing. I bet they'd never guess, That the saint that they're anointing Is frightened of the mess”). He doesn’t know if Thomas will succeed and that makes him doubt himself and causes his work to suffer (“The pressure it increases, The closer that I get” “And the last thing I hear. As the impact grows near, Is it a scream or a cheer?”).

5) Hallelujah: This song, like the one before it, shows a lot of Roman’s insecurities. Roman has a set plan for Thomas in life, but he constantly doubts it and himself due to the comments he gets from other sides (“Somedays I don't think my mama Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar” “Somedays I don't think my daddy Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar”). I don’t know specifically which sides he could be talking about in these two lines, but Logan is definately one of them. I like to think he could also be talking about Patton. I mean Roman probably worries constantly about being too much like Remus and disappointing Patton. Roman probably literally thinks that Patton doesnt think hes GOOD enough. Despite all of this self doubt, Roman still seems determined to reach his dreams and prove the others wrong (“But one day I will show him I'm a diamond in the rough, I'll be a superstar” “Yeah, there's a crown covered in glitter and gold I'm gonna wear it, whether you like it or not”).

6) Holding Out for a Hero: This song is from Thomas’ perspective! Thomas DOES see Roman as his hero despite what Janus’ not at the end of the most recent episode may have you believe. Roman acts as Thomas’ protection from all of his darker and more disturbing thoughts. Thomas uses Roman, a picture perfect image of creativity to help him escape from all the bad things in life and in his head (“Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need”). Thomas literally created Roman to be a perfect knight in shining armor. The singer in the song shows this by listing off everything that they believe a hero needs to be/have, Similar to what Thomas would have done in the creation of Roman.

7) If I Dare: I’m conflicted about what this song could mean. At first glance it seems to be about Roman willing to do anything in order to get more creative control over Thomas (“If I dare to risk it, then I know that I'm willing to. If I dare to want this, to want more than I have” “I am holding out for more than what I have now”). Roman really wants to be trusted more and would seemingly take huge risks in order to get that. The part that throws me off is this line: “When the room gets dark, and I am quiet. There's a voice that's soft, like someone's silhouette Saying, "Don't let me go yet"”. To me, this sounds like its about Remus. Possibly Remus begging Roman to not get rid of him and to remain as one. What confuses me is that the line felt so out of place with the rest of the songs meaning. I’m not sure what to do with that information, but if anyone has ideas, let me know.

8) Go the Distance: Roman is so patient... and so unrealistically hopeful... He continues to lay down and let the other sides get their ways because he believes that the wait will be worth it when he finally gets his say (“I'll be there someday, I can go the distance” “I know every mile would be worth my while” “And a thousand years would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through”). Despite how many times hes been ignored and let down, he continues to hope that his chance may come one day. Theres also this line: “But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart, oh” which makes me think big time of SvS. He gave up his glory in favor of what Patton wanted because he thinks that it was the more heroic thing to do.

9) Flamboyant: The title really says it all. Roman is extra™️ and he knows that all of the other sides think so too (“I'm a very flaming flammable guy. Some say my fire burns way too high. Some say they find me too hot to touch. But I, I think it's not enough”). I also think its important to note that this song feels a bit out if place with the canon Roman that we know. From what we’ve seen of Roman, he holds back a lot. He denies a great deal of his greed and wants in order to make the others happy and fill in his “hero” persona. This song portrays Roman as having no restraint and not wanting the others to boss him around (“Don't tell me what to do, Don't tell me what to say” “Turn down? I never do” “And no time for restraint”). I’d love to see more of this assertive side of Roman in canon, but right now you can tell that he is holding back. He wishes he didn’t have to, but he feels as though it is necessary to distance himself from Remus.

10) Jumpstarted: Let me set the scene. Thomas is just out an about enjoying his day, he holds open the starbucks door for the guy behind him and... omg... he’s hot... he’s the love of your life Thomas! Roman the proceeds to fanticize about marrying and starting a family with this one random guy that they’ve never talked to nor seen before (“The only one I want is you. I hear the bells and the ring and already, Four kids and the big ol' wedding Singing, You” “And how was I to make a long walk home. You got me feeling like I'm overdosed”). This whole song is just Roman singing about his head-over heals love for a guy in Thomas’ head while Thomas has to act normal and even warns the dude to run away while he has the chance (“Take my advice and run while you still can”). Roman’s quite a hopeless romantic.

11) Brave New Girl: Remember how I said Roman has been holding back and trying to be more polite in order to make himself less like Remus? Well this song is the opposite of that. This is what Roman wants. Roman wants to let lose and be his wildest self again (“She wants a good time” “She needs to really really find what she wants” “There's a brave new girl And she's comin' out tonight” “Who knew she could feel so alive” “Won't take a back seat”). I like to imagine this song taking place after the events of POF. I mean if the others are just going to accept that Janus is good now, then does that mean Remus is good too? If that the case, then what was the point of him and Remus splitting in the first place? This song makes me think that Roman and Remus could team up together in either the next episode, or future episodes to come. Roman is lost and doesn’t really know why he is who he is anymore, so he seeks out Remus, the only one who really understands what he’s going through (“So she met this man, He was kinda rough. He said, girl, what you lookin' for? She said, I don't know I go with the flow. He said, let's get on the floor”). The man in this song could also be Janus I suppose. He does compliment the singer and flatter her, but after the events of the last episode, I find it hard to believe that Roman would be willing to fall for Janus’ flattery again.

12) Every Boy: Roman wants to kiss every boy in the world... and it’s never enough. That is all.

13) Primadonna: What a bop! This song is honestly so good! Again with Roman’s songs making him out to be a lot greedier and wild than he actually has acted in canon (“You can count on me to misbehave”). This song is what I imagine Roman would act like if he had nothing to worry about other than being himself. Roman wants a lot of things and he wants everyone to adore him for the beautiful prince he is (“All I ever wanted was the world” “I can't help that I need it all” “When you give, I want more, more, more” “I wanna be adored” “I know I've got a big ego”).

14) King: You can already tell by the name what this song is about. I’m honestly shocked how obvious it is. At this point we don’t know who made the decision for creativity to split, but this song and a couple of others in the playlist seem to suggest that it was the Roman part of original creativity who decided to push Remus out. He felt as though it was the only way to successfully move forward (“I had to break myself to carry on”). The others sides (I’d like to imagine Patton) tried to convince Creativity to split and despite his not wanting to. His decision to split seemed like it was a very hard one to make and left a lot of pain in its wake (“They say it's easy to leave you behind. I don't want to try” “Is it worth the price?”). Original creativity felt powerful and strong when he was whole, so of course he didn’t want to split (“I was a king under your control”). The song seems to suggest that he tried to repress his ‘Remus’ thoughts in order to remain whole and not lose a part of himself, but this could only work for so long (“Don't wanna have to lose All that I've compromised to feel another high. I've got to keep it down tonight”). In the end, the Roman side of creativity finally won out and both Roman and Remus decided to let each other go (“I wanna feel like you've let me go, So let me go”).

15) Cheap Queen: This song really shows Roman’s struggle with his identity. He’s so quick to change for others in order to be accepted by them (“I can be good sometimes. I'm a cheap queen. I can be a what you like. And I can be bad sometimes. I'm a real queen. I can make grown men cry” “I'm gettin' too cocky since everyone wants me, It's harder to be myself”). This convices me that the way that he’s been acting in the last few episodes (not insulting anyone, very opposed to Janus) is soley him trying to prove that he is good and nothing like Remus. He’s been hiding his true self which we see a lot of in episodes before Remus was introduced. Roman doesn’t want to disappoint Patton in fear of Patton wanting him to split again.

16) Humility: ANOTHER song about Remus. This song is really interesting. It shows us that Roman is VERY confused about his opinion on Remus. He’s lonely and feels incomplete without Remus, He NEEDS Remus back (“I need you in the picture That's why I'm calling you” “I'm the lonely twin, the left hand” “I don't want this isolation” “See the state I'm in now?”). Right after Roman has these thoughts and feelings though, he instantly tries to block them out and retrain the idea that Remus is bad (“Reset myself and get back on track”). He wants Remus back so badly and feels some sort of remorse for kicking him out, but then he ignores those emotions and acts like he hates Remus another moment (“If I pick it up when I know that it's broken Do I put it back? Or do I head out onto the lonesome trail And let you down?”).

17) Aint Got it Like That: Roman is greedy and wants a lot of things, we’ve established this. Most of this song is about how Roman wants more than what he has now, but he still believes it will come if he just waits long enough (“'Cause I ain't really got it like that And one day Imma have it like that And I know that it can't stay this way And one day Imma finally get paid”).

18) Dreamer: I’m not sure whose perspective this song is from, but this feels like a comfort song to Roman. We know that he has a lot of insecurities and struggles to create things because he worries that his ideas won’t be good enough or will be too much like Remus’ ideas. But this song goes completely against that mindset. It’s what Roman wants to hear: “Dream little dreamer, Don't care what they say” “You can do anything” “Dream like you won't fail. Sing like no one's there. Dance like you don't care. Dream.” “Don't fear little dreamer, You'll get there one day” “And I know that it's scary, But you'll succeed” “You're exeptional, You're original” “You're magnificent, You're sensational”.

19) Paving the Runway: This feels like a song from Roman to Thomas and gosh it just feels so loving and sweet... Roman has such big dreams for Thomas and he has so much faith in him (“Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly”). He encourages Thomas to go for his dreams and excel, something that he is hardly told himself (“Go after your dreams, Crazy as they may seem. Go chase all the stars in the sky” “You will reach higher than I ever could”). Roman does everythig he can to set Thomas up for success and to help him reach his dreams (“Darling, stand on my shoulders” “Baby, I'll be paving the runway”).

20) Go.: Again, I’m not sure who the singer of this song is, but I can tell its exactly what Roman wants/needs to hear. Roman is very clearly holding back due to his fear of becoming too much like Remus and that is making it very hard to do his job (“The fear within Has held you hostage. Break free and live. GO.”). This is a good song to be Roman’s last song because I think it helps to show us where Roman’s character is going in the future. He is going to let lose and relax eventually. Perhaps this will lead to him creating the better relationship with Remus that he’s been hoping for throughout this whole playlist. I predict that next episode, well start to see some of this newer, less refrained creativity from Roman.

(And that’s that! If you can tell that theres some tension between Roman and Remus from this playlist, just you wait for Remus’! As usual, let me know what you thought of this ❤️ Love you guys!)

[alixanonymous]

How A Demon Commissions An Angel ~ A Daminette FanFic ~ Chapter 2: A Search For Continuance

From the phone of Damian Wayne: 

Chat Name: Father

Father: Have you come up with any ideas for Christmas?

Me: Yes, Father. I assure you I will not disappoint you.

Father: Damian, this isn’t a mission. 

Chat Name: The Only Sane One

Me: Alfred, I’ve hit a bit of an obstacle in Operation Christmas.

The Only Sane One: Indeed, Master Damian? What seems to be the problem?

Me: The designer I hired is being unreasonable.

The Only Sane One: How so?

Me: She’s refusing to work with me.

The Only Sane One: I see. Why is that?

Me: She doesn’t like how I talk to her.

The Only Sane One: Master Damian, I trust you have remembered your manners.

Me: Yes, Alfred. Of course.

Me: The thing is I was a bit… blunt.

The Only Sane One: Indeed?

Me: Yes…

The Only Sane One: I see. It seems an apology is in order.

Me: I suppose.

Me: So how does one go about apologizing?

The Only Sane One: I would suggest cutting back on any bluntness, admitting fault, and a request for forgiveness and continuance of service.

The Only Sane One: You may also find added incentive to be particularly effective, perhaps offer aid in some way or a favor.

Me: I see.

Me: Thank you, Alfred.

The Only Sane One: Of course, Master Damian.

Google Search History: 

Arthur’s Little Sister?

Success Rate Of Blackmailing

Apology Template

From the phone of Dick Grayson:

Chat Name: The Boys (Minus The Demon)

Jaybird: find anything?

Timmy: nope. she’s really good at hiding.

Jaybird: no idiot 

Jaybird: take a break from stalking mdc and see if demon spawns hired someone to get our presents yet

Me: Should we help him? I know Damian’s difficult but I don’t want him to feel like we want him to go away.

Jaybird: but we do want him to go awayy…

Me: …

Jaybird: just for a little! cmon we cant keep going on like this

Timmy: he’s right.

Timmy: I mean we all know why he doesnt like me… 

Jaybird: dont blame him

Timmy: and I cant fault him for hating Jason… 

Jaybird: shut it replacement

Timmy: but he doesn’t even get along with you most days dick!

Timmy: he needs friends… 

Jaybird: besides superbaby

Timmy: and he’s only just stopped terrorizing his classmates.

Jaybird: he doesnt have any people skills!

Me: You can’t fault him for that! You know what it was like for him growing up with freaking Talia for a mother.

Jaybird: we know dick but that doesnt change the fact that he needs to learn how to treat people and he hasnt in the seven years hes been home maybe the titans can teach him

Me: So what? We’re supposed to just ship him off to be someone else’s problem like his mother did? That’s BS!

Timmy: no of course not! we’re still his family! him being a titan won’t change that!

Me: Exactly! We’re his family! It’s our job to teach him and him not learning anything is on us.

Me: We didn’t send Jason off when he was sick from the Lazarus Pit and we’re not sending Damian away just because his mother messed him up so bad.

… 

Jaybird: your right but if we tried to help him he wouldnt let us

Timmy: so what’re we supposed to do? I mean even if we did help him you know dad would see right past us.

Jaybird: then he gets sent away anyway and the demon spawn will hate us forever 

Timmy: (shrugging emoji)

Me: Maybe we could just subtly steer him in the right direction?

Timmy: find out what he’s getting us and tell him if it sucks?

Jaybird: that could work

Timmy: I still can’t find anything on his computer.

Me: I’ll get Babs on to go through his phone.

Chat Name: Babs

Me: Oh wise one I beg thee to help me!

Babs: what do you want me to waste my time doing for you?

Me: Can you search Damian’s phone for anything that might be related to Christmas?

Babs: no 

Me: plz?

Babs: why?

Me: We want to help him stay…

Babs: … 

Babs: give me a sec

Me: Thank you!

Babs: don’t thank me yet I helped him encrypt his phone this is all I got 

Babs: (screenshot of Damian’s search history)

Me: That’s not helpful.

Babs: not my problem

Chat Name: The Boys (Minus The Demon)

Me: This is all she found… 

Timmy: i’m concerned.

Me: I think we’re all concerned Timmy… 

Timmy: who is he blackmailing?

Jaybird: really? thats the only thing here that didnt suprise me

Jaybird: i think we should be more concerned that hes trying to apologize to someone

Me: Best not to think about that.

Timmy: agreed.

Jaybird: yup 

Me: So this doesn’t help us… 

Timmy: maybe we should ask alfred?

Jaybird: nooooo

Me: It’s worth a try.

Timmy: or three… 

From the phone of Alfred Pennyworth:

Chat Name: Master Timothy

Master Timothy: Alfred, has Damian come to you for help with Xmas?

Me: There’s coffee in the kitchen, Master Tim.

Me: Next time, don’t run.

Chat Name: Master Richard

Master Richard: Have you heard anything from Damian about Christmas?

Me: I am not at liberty to say, Master Dick.

Master Richard: Please, Alfred. We just want to help.

Me: Master Bruce specifically said that Master Damian must complete this task on his own. Even I am not permitted to help him much.

Master Richard: Much?

Me: Yes. For example, I am allowed to help keep his progress private.

Master Richard: I see. 

Master Richard: Thank you, Alfred.

Me: Have a good day, Master Dick.

Chat Name: Master Jason

Master Jason: Hey what’s the demon spawn getting us for xmas?

Me: Master Jason, why is one of my plates missing? You know, the ones of the finest quality imported for China.

Master Jason: I ddont know 

Master Jason: let me go find it

Chat Name: Master Bruce

Master Bruce: Alfred, has there been any developments with Damian?

Me: Yes. I believe everything is working out as you wished Master Bruce.

Master Bruce: Very good.

From: DoWhatISay@email.com

To: Marinette.D.C.@email.com

Date: November 2, 2021 6:30 P.M.

Subject: An Apology

Dear Ms. Dupain-Cheng,

In my desperation it seems I have acted quite far out of line. You see, a lot is riding on my ability to procure adequate gifts for my brothers. If I fail, my father may send me away in order to teach me a lesson in social skills. My brothers are huge fans of yours (I will also admit your artistry is very impressive) and have, not for a lack of trying, been unable to find out who you are. I have no doubt that if I get them MDC originals for Christmas then I will be able to stay.

This does not excuse my previous email however. I will ruefully admit that I’m often told I assume too much but few people have been so effective in pointing this out to me as yourself. I admit my methods were morally and legally unjust. I apologize and request forgiveness. Perhaps you could overlook my rather offensive first email and we could start again.

As for the blackmailing, I meant it when I said I have no desire to reveal your identity. I won’t. I realize now that would only make my own situation worse (my brothers would probably kill me on your behalf) but that is not my only motivator. In my research I learned about your situation in school. I will agree that I do not know the truth of the matter as well as yourself but I have no wish to make anything worse. I suppose you may as well have made the best choices you could’ve as it seems your classmates refuse to see reason. That must be inconvenient.

If this, my first apology, or the promised monetary compensation are still not enough to persuade you to still allow me to order my brothers MDC originals perhaps I may offer my help as well. I may not know the situation like you but I do have resources you might find useful. After all, they did allow me to find your identity.

I’m looking forward to your reply without any expectations of when it will come. (I’m told sleep is important though.)

- Damian W.

I’m not loving this formatting but I’m not in the headspace to change it so I will simply say that if you want better formatting, read this on A03.  Okay! Chapter 3 is coming in a second!

Master List

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Title: Caught Feelings

Gif credit @inlovewithtvmen

Hope you all enjoy

Happy reading dollies

Tag list: @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder

"Hey Hector, what's happening papi"? You greeted the handsome man coming into your bar.

"Nothing mamacita, where's Pablo"? He asked kissing your cheek.

"In the back, I must warn you he's on edge".

"What's up"?

"Cops. They came to the bar yesterday".

"They have a warrant"?

"Yeah, trashed the place and didnt find anything".

"Good. I'll see if I can calm him down. See you later". He walked away, turning his head and sending you a wink..

"Pablo. Woah". Hector nervously chuckled with his hands raised as a gun was pointed to his head, Pablo came out from behind the door.

"What the hell are you doing here? I wasn't supposed to see you until Friday".

"My guy called and said he needs some party favors for tonight. Hes throwing some kind of pill party. Where you put a bunch of pills in a bowl and you take what ever you grab. So he needs some oxy and whatever else you can throw in. He's already got the viagra". Hector laughed but Pablo was amused.

"Then you should have called. The cops raided the place yesterday. Arrested me and Y/N. Threw her to the ground. I will not be disrespected like this by no one". Pablo threatened.

"What do you have in mind"?

"I want to find this little rat that has been spilling my secrets. Feeding the cops with information. They just dug their grave. Find them and bring them to me".

"I dont think someone is feeding them information. They fear you and they like the money coming in".

"Then why are they at my door? I fly under the radar, I dont sell to gangster. I dont cook in Chicago. I just sell to junkies who so desperately needs it".

"I heard on the street that people are overdosing".

"Then they shouldnt get so greedy with the needle". Pablo laughed.

"Alright. I'll go ask around see if anyones heard or seen anything". Hector excused himself and closed the door behind him. Letting out a breath he was holding in.

"Everything okay"?

"Yeah, he's just worried". Hector walked up to the bar.

"We still on for tonight"? You asked.

"Yeah, I'll pick you up sevenish"?

"Sounds great. Be careful out there". You leaned over the counter and kissed Hectors lips.

"I always do". He said licking his lips with a smirk.

"Bye".

"Bye baby girl". Hector opened the door and walked out. This would be the last time you would see Hector again.

"Chicago pd, hands in the air". The cop yelled at Pablo to get on the ground.

"You piece of shit rat. I'm going to kill you". Pablo spat, putting up a fight to get in the handcuffs.

"You okay"? Someone asked him.

"Yeah. I gotta go". He quickly left.

You were getting ready when there was a knock at your door.

"Hector? It's early. Everything okay"? You asked as he came in.

"The bar was raided again and Pablo got arrested. They found twenty gallon bags of oxycodone and ten bricks of  cocaine on him. He's going away for a long time".

"How do you know all this? Where you there? Why weren't you arrested"? You questioned but quickly realized. "You're the rat. How could you"? You felt sick to your stomach.

"I'm sorry. I had to do my job".

"You put my brother in prison for the rest of his life. What about me? You here to arrest me"?

"You had nothing to do with that and I cleared your name".

"Oh you cleared it? Did you tell them that we were sleeping together as well? Hmm"? He didnt answer  "That's what I thought. You didn't want me to get arrested because you knew that they'd ask about us and you would get trouble. You saved your own ass".

"I'm sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt".

"I dont believe you. What's your name? Are you married? Did I mean anything or was it just to get close to Pablo"?

"You meant everything. I didnt lie about how I felt about you. That was real. I swear".

"Liar".

"My name is Antonio Dawson. I'm a detective at Chicago pd and I'm separated from my wife. I have feelings for you, they're real".

"Well Antonio, tell me when I can see my brother"?

"You can't. He has one phone call and he's already made that to a lawyer".

"You ruined my life. I have no family now. I have no bar, that I worked so hard at getting and keeping. Now I have no Hector. You took everything away from me when you decided to play dress up for the police". You started to sob. "Get out. Get out". You screamed.

"I'm sorry. I may not be Hector but I still love you". You pushed Antonio out the door and slammed it in his face.  Falling to the floor. Your heart was broken but you couldn't let go.

Later that night you couldn't sleep. You tried everything. But your mind wouldn't let you. Usually you would call Hector up, sorry Antonio and he would talk with you until you were asleep. He made you feel at ease and safe. You had to get it in your head that he wasnt who he said he was. He lied. But you still wanted him after everything. You couldn't shake the feeling of him.

Calling up some people that Pablo knew you found out where Antonio lived and went to see him. It was about three a.m. when you pulled into his driveway. You knew this was a bad idea but you wanted to see him.

Getting out of your car you walked up the sidewalk and knocked on the door. It was forcefully opened with a man pointing a gun at you.

"Y/N? What are you doing here"? Antonio lowered his gun. You could tell you woke him up. He has sleep in his eyes and he was in a pair of grey sweats that you loved so much on him.

"I know I shouldnt be here but I can't lose these feelings I have for you. After everything you did I can just stop". Tears rolled down your face as you looked up at him.

"Come in". Antonio rubbed his fave with his hand, while closing the door.

"I'm sorry I came".

"How did you find me"?

"I know people".

"Now they'll come after me. Pablo will make sure of that". Antonio went to his window hiding behind the curtain and peeking through. 

"I didn't tell them who you were. Your secret is safe with me".

"Why? Just a couple hours ago you wanted me out of your life now you're here. What do you want"?

"When you said you loved me and everything you felt was real. Did you mean it"?

"Yes. I shouldn't but I do. I lied to my boss, to my team and to the Chicago police Department. I could be in big trouble but that doesnt matter. I fell in love while undercover and that wasnt supposed to happen but it did. I love you and I can't change that". Antonio sighed.

"I love you too. More than any other person I've been with. I know it's stupid and you're probably thinking I'm an idiot because I'm here but I can't help it".

Antonio came closer to you, moving a strained of hair from your face. Taking his hand, grabbing your chin and making you look at him. "It's not stupid when you love someone". He leaned in and gently kissed your lips.

"Antonio"? It wasnt supposed to come out as a moan but it did.

"Do you want me to stop"? He kissed you again.

Shaking your head not breaking the kiss. You slid your hands down his bare chest, over his abs and stopping at his waistband. Antonio chuckled into the kiss as you snaked your hand into his sweats and grabbed his cock. Stroking him. Antonio broke the kiss and licked his lips. 

"Do you want me to stop"? You asked with a seductive teasing voice, not missing a stroke.

"God, no". He roughly kissed you, his hand wrapped around your throat.

You pulled down his sweats and he stepped out of them. He was hard as rocks.

His grip on your throat got tighter as he backed you to the couch.

Quickly unbuckling your pants you threw your shoes off and your pants somewhere in the room. Lucky for Antonio you weren't wearing any panties. You spread your legs giving him a view. Bring your fingers to your mouth and sucked on them get them wet and dragging them down your body.  You rubbed circles on your clit. From the pressure of Antonio's hand around your throat to you roughly rubbing your clit you were close to orgasming. Antonio saw it in your eyes as you were about to, he removed your and slapped your throbbing clit. It was missed between pleasure and pain.

"Did I tell you to cum"? He asked running his big thick fingers threw your wet lips, getting awfully close to your entrance. Just inching his fingers.

"No, daddy".

"That's right.  No, I didn't". Antonio pushed his middle and ring finger inside you.  Pumping in and out quickly. Binding his fingers inside you hitting your g-spot over and over.

"Fuck". Your body trembled as you couldn't contain yourself.  The way he moved his finger was magic. He fucked you so good.

"Antonio, please"? You begged him to let you cum.

"Please what"? His forearm flexed those bulging arm veins you loved so much as he fingered you faster.

"Please daddy. Please". You moaned throwing your head back in pleasure. Your back arched off the couch as you came. Not letting Antonio give you a yes or no.

You squirted all over the couch, the floor and Antonio.  He removed his fingers your juices running down them and his arm. You were a panting mess on the couch. Your heart felt like it would jump out of your chest and smack Antonio. But you were loving it.

"Good little girl". His hand squished up your cheeks as he kissed you. He took his tongue and licked along your lips.

Quickly removing your shirt he attacked your hard nipples. Taking on in his mouth and swirling his tongue. The nipping at them.  Pressing down on it between his teeth. Your hands went to his hair, giving it a tug.

"I want you inside me". Your breath hitched as Antonio engulfed your breast into his mouth. You had big breast but some how he sucked the whole thing in.

Figuring if you wanted him you had to get him since he was occupied. Laying down on the couch, you pulled him along with you. He forced your knees open wider as he settled in between them.  You grabbed his cock and lead it to your entrance and he eased in. But quickly picked up pace. Rocking his hips, you bucked yours trying to get as much friction as possible. You just needed him so badly. He was a drug that you couldnt stop taking.

"Shit". You gasped as your eyes rolled to the back of your head as hit a spot that you didnt even knew you had. Your nails raked down his back leaving red marks. Grabbing ahold of his butt you helped him push in deeper. His thrust were wild and deep. Hard and rough. Everything that you love.

Grunts and growls left Antonio's mouth his thrust became sloppy which sent vibrations threw your chest as he still had your breast in his mouth sucking.

"I'm going...to..cum". You warned him as you bit down on his collarbone.  His hand wrapped around your throat, he released your breast with a pop and thrusted hard. Shock waves of pleasure rushed over you and your legs held onto him tight as you came.

Your legs shaked around him. Antonio was close to releasing. He pulled out and climbed on top of you. Bringing his cock to your mouth. You needily sucked his tip tasting yourself and him as he shot his load down your throat. You swallowed it greedy.

"Fucking hell". He panted, wiping the sweat from him brow. He sat between your legs, watching your chest go up and down.

"I didnt hurt you, did I"? Antonio sounded much less confident than Hector.

"I'm fine. You should be use to the roughness that I like". You huffed as you found your shirt on the back of the couch.

"Stay". Antonio rested his hand on your bare thigh.

"Where do you expect this to go? I cant be with you. You're a cop".

"We can work it out. I want to be with you and I know you do too. If you didnt you wouldn't be here".

"This was just a goodbye fuck. That's all. Just needed to get it out of my system".

Antonio scoffed. "Bullshit. You want me just as much as I want you. We love each other and theres nothing anyone can do about it".

"What about your boss, my brother? What are we supposed to say to them? I'm not lying or hiding. I won't".

"I'm not asking you too. I'm just asking you to give us a chance. To see where it goes".

"I just dont want either one of us to get hurt or worse killed". You sigh with worry.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to either of us. You have my word". Antonio pulled you into his arms as you both laid back on the couch. "So please. Stay".

"Okay, I'll stay". You said with a smile but deep down you knew that this relationship wouldn't last because either your brother would find out and kill Antonio or you both. His boss will find out and make you go away. Either way it wouldn't end pretty.

[legobiwan]

I disagree that Mace would be a better teacher for anakin. For starters anakin would never submit to a hard hand that would be mace as a master, due to ani’s slavery background. The more harsh you become with him , the harder he lashes out if only to convince himself that he isn’t anyone’s slave anymore. Another thing is inflexibility, Mace is far too set in his ideals & life to change things for a unique individual like anakin. He won’t go specially soft on him, he won’t change his fighting (1)

(2) style to better protect ani, he won’t be ready to change his views somewhat about attachment rule. If Ani is talking saving his mom from slavery or something he’ll get slapped with you’re supposed to let her go in mace’s case, instead of Obi-wan’s why our hands are tied & why we can’t go. Precisely because Obi-wan was a new knight, he was ready for a larger more flexible perspective when dealing with anakin. Any other master, be it mace or heck even kit fisto or something I just don’t see

(3) They trying to change themselves for ani who isn’t like any other Jedi student before. A mentor in this case would have to evolve and change to match their student. Qui gon & Obi-wan relationship is so unhealthy because Qui never makes the effort to change himself a little to facilitate Obi, he’s inflexible. He wants Obi to either live up the levels he sets how he sets it or get ignored. And Mace would make the same mistake with ani, because he’s also far to set into his ideals. Obi on the

(4) other hand has changed himself to be the best he can be for anakin. As stated in Obi & ani comic. Which is why there is fair change in Obi-wan from his padawan personality to knight personality. This is something no other master/knight would've done for ani. Thats why Obi-wan was/is The Best teacher for ani & with any other teacher he would rebel much faster to dark because not only the temple but even my master doesnt care for me or my emotions. Obi literally keeps him light & even palpati

(5) even palpatine acknowledges that. He knows Obi-wan is the only thing keeping from making stupid decisions. Thats why he makes sure ruin their relationship and makes sure that Obi-wan is parsecs away from ani during his fall. 'In certain point of view' this point is also acknowledged and the fact that it was always ani's CHOICE to fall, no matter who his master was, it was always Ani's own choice. He had the knowledge & wisdom to make the right choice BUT HE CHOSE NOT TO. THAT IDIOT!

I’m laughing at your last sentence here, anon, and not in a mean-spirited way at all. Anakin - [sighs a la Obi-wan]. Really. Did you *have* to? I mean, yeah, Anakin, in the end, made his choices, made his own bed and slept in it. And no one - not Yoda himself - could have made those decisions for him. So I’m not saying that Mace being Anakin’s master would have necessarily prevented Anakin from falling, but it certainly would have changed parts of his trajectory.

Now, it’s interesting, because a few years ago, I might have agreed more with your assertion that Mace was just too inflexible, too dogmatic, too harsh for Anakin (or hell, even Depa.) My views, obviously, have changed over time.

Would Mace have still been his somewhat rigid self with Anakin? Yes. And I’m skeptical of calling it rigid in that more he had a very well-defined personal code of justice which - in RotS - he favored over the Jedi Code when he tried to kill Sidious. Funny enough, Anakin also tends to have a rigid, somewhat dichotomous code when it comes to how he evaluates people (good or bad, and we see how his patience for Obi-wan’s more free-wheeling, negotiating ways irritates him):

Obi-wan is flexible. It’s both a strength and a weakness. As a negotiator, as someone who pretends to not skirt around the Code when he totally does all the time - he has to have some flexibility and I think in that way, you’re right, that it benefitted Anakin to have a teacher who could adapt, who was open to adapting. I just think there’s a line where adaptation becomes harmful and enabling and in the comic you referenced, Obi-wan was totally willing to leave the Order for Anakin which is such...a great sentiment. But it also means Anakin was Obi-wan’s absolutely gigantic blindspot. 

I mean, Depa was Mace’s blindspot, Dooku, Yoda’s. It’s unavoidable when you raise like a child like that. I doubt Mace would have been immune had he taken Anakin as his student. And thusly I think he - maybe not would have been flexible, but I don’t think he would have been a monolith of purposeful misunderstanding, either.

And so in the end, I think it comes down to an issue of boundaries and co-dependence. Obi-wan was willing to be flexible but he also had the promise of a dead man hanging over his head (and granted, he and Anakin did become close, in the end, but those first few years must have been complicated, emotionally, for Obi-wan). And so he was balancing trying to train this child and keep this child happy for the sake of his Master with whom he had a ridiculously complicated relationship. 

Mace might have been a heavier hand and would that have been the right choice for an Anakin recently freed from slavery? Maybe yes, maybe no. Mace isn’t a one dimensional character in that he’s just “the lawful good” guy. He cares but he has a very different ‘point of view’ than Obi-wan does. But then again, he trained Depa, and she doesn’t come across as authoritarian in any regard and Shatterpoint really does give some great insight into Mace’s motives. I don’t think an Anakin-Mace partnership would have been easy by any means, but conflict doesn’t necessarily equate to darkness - it’s all in how one handles conflict. And boundaries. Maybe a recently freed Anakin wanted to do whatever he wanted, because that was his definition of freedom. And none of us can do whatever we want. And he is a Jedi and that comes with certain restrictions, for better or worse (which, let’s be honest. Qui-gon kinda skirted through the Terms and Conditions when getting Anakin to agree to this whole thing in his zeal to get the supposed Chosen One onboarded. Jinn. AGH.) But the Order also can’t turn itself upside-down for one child on a whim, even if the Order was in some desperate need of change. 

And to be clear, Mace is not without faults, but he’s coming from a good place and more to the point, he understands the struggle with the Dark. Obi-wan struggles, seeks to teach communication and detachment, but man’s picture is next to the word ‘repression’ in the holo-dictionary, whereas Mace more outwardly acknowledges his darkness and works through it, despite his sometimes severe nature. Mace would have wanted what was best for Anakin, same as Obi-wan did, and both, to a certain degree, played into the somewhat antiquated, rigid views of the Old Council. 

And yeah, in the end, Anakin and Obi-wan were co-dependent, so Obi-wan (and Ahsoka and Padmé) probably were the only people who might have been able to pull Anakin from the Dark by the bitter denouement.

Maybe a mix of Obi-wan and Mace might have been best. And again, we all tend to forget in this whole mix that Palpatine was grooming a young child to be a Sith Lord and stoking all those emotions in Anakin, rendering anyone’s training moot. And the Jedi served the Republic, so cutting off access would be...complicated. I still contend Mace might have had a slightly easier time of it, given Obi-wan’s age and lack of experience, but that’s not to say Mace would have been able to stop those meeting from happening, either.

But, you know, as the old saying goes, “à chacun son goût.” :)

[halorocks1214]

the law of action

AO3 Link

Word Count: 10100

Summary: The Law of Action must be applied in order for us to manifest things on earth. Therefore, we must engage in actions that support our thoughts, dreams, emotions, and words

Previous Parts (in order): Alan | You are here! | Virgil | Scott | Gordon

these just keep getting longer fellas i dont understand how thats possible but it is. ALSO: REMEMBER IN ATTRACTION WHEN I MENTIONED THAT THESE WERE BEING WRITTEN OUT OF ORDER. HA, UH, KIND OF AN UNDERSTATEMENT I GUESS. but its here! johns pov chapter! im pretty satisfied with it, albeit a few kinks i wasnt really able to work out, so i hope you enjoy it too!

thanks again to @gumnut-logic for the prompts! "Where?" and lightning were this fic's choices. sad to see the last ones go away, but this was still a blast so thank you once more! also, just because the prompts are gone doesnt mean this series will be too ;3

Anger was a rare emotion for John Tracy.

It had to be. When dealing with the cold hard truth of data telling them something wasn't possible or dealing with annoying people who thought they knew better than him or dealing with people panicking in his ear because nobody expected the aftershock of an earthquake to be that bad, he didn’t have a choice. There were a lot of deals in life that had to be made and someone needed to play peacemaker, even if it wasn’t deserved.

It was true that he got the least angry out of his siblings, even compared to Virgil. Virgil might not get necessarily violent like Scott did, or threw caution to the wind like Gordon, or, hell, pulled off whatever John does when someone somehow manages puts him in a bad mood, but Virgil did get angry quite a lot. He just didn’t have as many blatant ways of showing it. John, on the other hand, didn’t have a lot of ticks. Pet peeves, definitely, John was no stranger to annoyance (especially with siblings like his), but not outright anger.

That didn’t mean he never got angry. He was Tracy born and bred, so that meant one the few ticks he did have surrounded the topic of family.

Specifically, his family being threatened.

John wished he was the youngest sometimes. That meant he could say things like let Scott punch the idiot already, he’d be doing the world a favor, and not get lambasted for the immature response. It also meant he could throw tantrums to hell and back and not feel like a total loser.

Like right now for example.

“EOS, I swear, if you don’t open the elevator door for me--”

“No, I won’t.”

Unbelievable.

Groaning and rubbing his face, his hands found their way up to his forehead and through his hair, holding his bangs out of his eyes for a moment. His eyes had many emotions in them, the most blatant being this shit cannot be happening right now, “EOS, do you know you’re amazing? I don’t think I’ve said that enough.”

EOS whirled for a moment, “John, I’ve seen that grin on Gordon. I cannot believe you would stoop that low.”

The grin she pointed out fell flat off his face, “Yeah, okay, you’re right about that--”

“Like I always am.”

“--So thank you,” John was going to strangle whoever defined sass so thoroughly in the dictionary. It left a bad example, “For the reminder, but seriously, I need to get up to ‘Five. It’s… important.”

It’s been a week since Alan was taken.

They’ve exhausted all options.

The only thing that could possibly get him back to them had to be International Rescue’s resources.

But EOS over here wasn’t getting the memo. Her words had that hint of childish innocence behind it. In that way that said there was no innocence whatsoever and she knew exactly what she was doing, the little shit, “John, do you really need to, or do you want to?”

There’s the inflection that John taught her. An inhale through the nose and… Uuuugghh, “EOS, I know the difference between needs and wants, this is definitely a need.”

Another lens blink, another moment of disbelief, “It seems like you have a lot of needs, John Tracy.”

John grimaced and ground his jaw together, mumbling his grievances with the current situation, “Yeah, well, if there’s any trait I truly share with my siblings, it’s that we’re all high maintenance.” His next words were more clear and designed to get the point across, “EOS, I’m not kidding, unlock the door.”

EOS stood her ground, “John, you going up there is one of the most detrimental things to you’re health at the current moment. I won’t let you.”

John threw his hands into the air, “EOS, there’s are whole lotta things that are currently detrimental to my health currently happening, one more thing won’t hurt.”

EOS lens shuttered again and John felt like it was nails on a chalkboard, “You have a point, but I’ve seen you with Scott when he’s in a similar mood. Don’t you tell him he needs to take a moment and think when he gets like this?”

John groaned as quietly as possible. Not too loud, but loud enough that EOS hopefully got the point, “Yes, I do, but I’m not Scott. We are two very different people, you have pointed this out numerous times. We have different ways of handling things, this, and ‘Five is exactly how I can fix this problem.”

That was not how he should’ve worded that. Her lights flickered in sympathy, sympathy, and he knew she finally figured out what John was trying to get at, “John, there may still be a lot I have to learn, but at least I understand--”

“No, EOS!” John snapped before he could help himself. Before she could finish explaining her point of view that was most likely right, but his desperate brain didn’t want to hear it. His brain that was running on zero energy telling him this was taking too long, fix that, “You can’t understand!”

Just like that, John was reminded of why he hated getting angry.

As soon as the words left his mouth, so did the air in his lungs. Through sheer will and determination, the only thing that didn’t leave his body was the little amounts of food he ate over the past seven days, though it really wanted to. He became very pale, and EOS could detect the not-so-trace amounts of fear that fell over his eyes.

Dammit, you idiot. Months upon that past year of work were now going to go down the drain because you blew your lid just this once! First, the call with Alan, now telling the one thing that could kill you in your sleep she’ll never essentially be good enough was--

“I know, John.”

His food came back with a vengeance, but he was bullheaded as hell, and he already caused enough damage. The last thing anyone needed was to clean up vomit. It would’ve been nicer if she got angry at him. He could handle being thrown out into space. He couldn’t handle EOS admitting he was right, least of all over blatantly cruel words.

He channeled the energy his stomach wanted to use into weak words, “E-EOS, I…” What the hell was he supposed to say? Sorry surely wasn’t going to fucking cut it.

Well, whatever he wanted to cut didn’t come up, as EOS continued as if John wasn’t the worst thing on the planet, “I’ve been doing some reading. I understand that I’ll never really understand certain human-based things like you do. You, humans, have gotten close, me being one of the better examples, as long as that’s not considered bragging, but even I’m not at that level yet. But I do at least know you and your habits. I put up with them on a daily basis.”

Because if there’s anything else John needed to fail this week, it was the one promise he made to her. His promise to keep her safe, to make sure she wasn’t treated like a mindless robot by some crazy scientists ready and willing to cut her circuitry wide open like a middle-school science project. While he would never even get close to being a quote-on-quote crazy scientist, never in a million light-years, he surely didn’t follow that middle part of his promise, “EOS, listen, I--”

“Please, John,” and now she was pleading, thinking he was going to ask to use the elevator again. Thinking he wasn’t going to give up, even after all of that. John might’ve laughed if it wasn’t his fucking fault, “I’ll help look for more options if it means you’ll stay here for a little while longer. You should stay with your family. I know how they affect you in those positive ways that you currently need.”

John was abruptly aware of his heavy, almost wheeze-like breathing. If he wasn’t careful, it could delve into one whopper panic attack, which would be so great right now, “Y-Yeah, okay. They probably won’t understand the effects of gravity over an elongated period of time like I do, so I can stay and help with that, at least. Thank you.”

As John turned around, he heard EOS whisper to herself. He could blearily tell it was actually fondness that filled her vocal waves for once, but it still stung regardless, “Idiot.”

Yeah, he really was, wasn’t he.

As he helped look over his Dad’s med-scan with Virgil, when Virgil went looking for something on the other side of the room, his father whispered, “I know this is a bad question right about now, but, is there anything we can do for you? Maybe even I? You look dead on your feet.”

John could only reply to the first half of his father’s statement with a meek, “I don’t know anymore.”

---

16-year-old John Tracy was seated atop his roof, making sure he got the perfect view of the Big-Dipper.

He was hoping to spot a more exciting constellation when he first used his new telescope, but dangit! He was just so excited to get cracking right away! He just got back from his birthday party, Alan and Gordon snoozing in their rooms while Scott and Virgil secretly finished off the cake. That was okay. John was too busy focusing on his new expensive toy to worry about having any more sweets.

His dad could pull some strings when it counted.

Newest model. The only other people who have this baby are scientists at NASA. Happy birthday, John. Sorry I didn’t get you a car like Scott.

Fuck cool cars. John would be on cloud 9 for days with this thing. Scott would call him a nerd for it. Jokes on Scott, he couldn’t zoom about 10 thousand miles into space now, could he?

Right as he nailed it, the world shook. Large arms snaked around his waist and he involuntarily found himself giggling at the contact. As soon as those limbs let go, he blushed at his reaction and cleared his throat. Suddenly, the arms were an entire body sitting down right next to him, speaking with their ever-comforting burly voice, “Hiya, son, I see you just couldn’t wait, huh?”

Rolling his eyes, John turned back into his serious, analytical self once more, “Yup, this thing’s crazy. I’m glad I got out here as quickly as I did.”

Jeff simply grinned. John was always reserved, but Jeff was a good translator for all of his sons, and he could tell that John meant this is one of the best things in my life holy crap, “That’s great to hear. The look on your face when I brought this out of the closet was certainly good enough to last me a few lifetimes.”

John snorted, “I bet it was. I heard Gordon joking about it with Alan. I don’t think I need to see any pictures anymore. I have a pretty good mental image of what I looked like.”

Jeff smiled and sighed, “No kidding. “Like a goldfish with a broken jaw.” Not the most eloquent, that Gordon is.”

Laughter rang out throughout the roof, followed by a few moments of silence. Not awkward, but not really welcomed on John’s part either, “Do you…” Stop it, John, you’re asking for too much, “Nevermind, it’s dumb.”

Jeff tilted an eyebrow, “Oh, is it? I guess you would know if something were smart or dumb, so I trust your judgment.”

Dangit, Dad, why are you so manipulative, and why are you so good at it, “I don’t know. I’ve established I wanted to be an astronaut, right?”

Jeff nodded, “Mmhmm.”

John, for some reason, felt like he needed to tread carefully, “You are also an astronaut. If there was any way for you to be able to… could you… could you come up with me the first time?”

Jeff blinked in shock, and before his son could register that as disapproval, “Huh, well, that’s certainly wasn’t what I was expecting. Sure, I don’t see why not.”

Now it was John’s turn to blink, his mouth gaped, “Wait, what? Are you serious? Aren’t there rules for this kind of stuff?”

Jeff shrugged, his shoulders clearly saying rules shmules, “I’m also one of the biggest entrepreneurs on the planet itself, and one of the most renowned ex-astronauts there are. You would not believe the lengths people are willing to go to kiss my ass. Would you feel better if I pinky promised?”

John’s nose scrunched, “You can never truly promise anything, you know.”

His father chuckled, used to his son’s antics. John was reserved, remember, “Well, you boys always credited me with doing the impossible.”

John continued challenging him, “When we were all less than 10, yeah, sure. I think Alan still thinks you can breathe in space. You. Specifically. No one else. I think he said you only wore the helmet to “protect your secret so the evil movie scientists don’t take you away.””

Chuckles turned into laughter and a clap on John’s shoulder, “Well, glad to see I still got the magic touch at least.” That same arm that playfully smacked him was now wrapped around his shoulders, “Just you wait, Johnny boy, if I can’t get on that ship with you, then you bet your ass I’ll at least be the loudest one cheering in the crowd.”

Then, suddenly, John was right, like he always was.

A promise that never should have been made: broken. A wish never fulfilled.

Dad was swallowed up by the very thing John loved.

No more space stories, no more fun moon facts, there was a void in John’s life as big as the galaxy itself, and he wasn’t sure how to walk around it, or God forbid even into it.

He tried to be the healthy sibling about it. He tried so hard. Getting through high school quicker than most so he could just worry about his family. Scott and Grandma were doing their best, and in so many ways, it was enough, but even they couldn’t bear all of the stress themselves.

But then his high school graduation came and Grandma gave him one of the biggest hugs of his and her life and he realized that he would never get one from his father again. His mom leaving this world was already bad enough, but at least his dad was there and knew how to fill in the gap after years and years of his marriage with her. You didn’t marry a woman like Lucille Tracy and not fundamentally understand how the gears in her brain turned lest you were truly insane. Maybe Dad was. Certainly would explain a lot of things from John’s perspective. Certainly would explain why she married him in the first place. Crazy attracts crazy.

Regardless, the one thing closest to his mom’s warmth and care was gone, and if he spent the night of his graduation party quietly sobbing his eyes out while the others slept, well, then he was glad they kept snoring.

Try as he might, he became just as unhealthy and unbalanced as the rest of his family, but he was more subtle about it. His self-destructive ways weren’t bad if other people had them, but when it came to him, oh, he knew it was the worst thing he could do in terms of recovery. That’s probably why the rest of the family didn’t notice (Good). John was smart, he would know better. Yes, he did, which is exactly why he dived headfirst right into it all.

Focusing on college, getting up into the star-filled void closer to his dead relatives as quickly as possible, focusing on the here-and-now to make sure this shit didn’t happen again. Making sure no family went through what theirs did.

And maybe that’s why, why he couldn’t handle the touch of others wanting to comfort him. Because it reminded him too much of what they used to have, of what they used to be. Too many hugs and kisses from others might wash away what his mom’s and dad’s felt like, and out of all the things they could potentially lose from this, those were the worst possible ones.

John was a Tracy, which meant he was stubborn.

He wasn’t going to lose the last few things he remembered about his parents if he could help it.

---

It had been just under a month, and John finally got what he wanted.

And it wasn’t working like he thought it would, if at all.

He’s been on ‘Five for three days, and for just a fleeting moment, it washed away any uncertainty. He felt back in control, if only minorly, and he held the world at his fingertips once more. Too bad the world he wanted to fix was so far away it felt like it was on the other side of the frickin solar system itself.

He promised his family four days at most. Please, just one chance. We won’t know unless we try. He wasn’t sure what cracked them first, them coming upon dead end after dead end, them finally seeing reason behind John’s argument, or if they just got annoyed with the space monitor after endless nagging and relented like tired parents.

The tiny part of John’s mind that still allowed him to joke kinda hoped it was the third option. “Easy child”, pfft. John’ll show them.

Right, right, a clear head, the most focused of IR, he can’t get unfocused or go too far off track. He’s saved many lives throughout his life, all of them thanks to his level head, but right now, he was arguably saving the most important life of all, so that meant he had even more incentive to stay focused.

In fact, he was so focused, he jumped at the sudden, feminine voice filling the room, “John, I found another article I think you would like to see about most common places criminals… John?”

Crap, he was halfway into the fetal position. Slowly uncurling, John nodded, “Oh, thank you, EOS. I’ll start reading it shortly.”

The noise of her lens adjusting sounded throughout ‘Five again, “Of course. Let me know if you would like me to start searching for a different topic, though. There has to be a limit to how many “You wouldn’t believe this” articles one can take, and I think I’m finding it really quickly.”

For the next few seconds, John was suddenly filled with a rush of determination he had been trying to get after their little confrontation in front of a locked elevator door to ‘Five.

She had been helping him out so much the past couple of weeks. Running unnecessary tests for him, searching parts of the web only she could search without getting tracked by some secret mafia, letting him know it was okay if he couldn’t get everything right the first time when two months ago she snapped at him for getting a simple algebra equation wrong due to lack of sleep. She had been especially patient with him recently, even after their little spat in the hangar, and John wasn’t sure how to process it. A tiny part wanted to resort to anger again because he clearly didn’t deserve her, but the more prevalent parts preferred something like depression or even apathy.

She had been making sure his world didn’t spin off its axis, and John couldn’t even tell her sorry until now.

“EOS, I’m sorry.”

She stopped moving, turned around and let her lights blink yellow for only a moment, “For what, John?”

The man in question waved his hands around in front of his face, lost, confusing her more. With a sigh, he explained, “For a lot of things, but mainly from a few weeks back when we had that argument. I said something that wasn’t okay, and I didn’t have the balls to own up to it until now. So, I’m sorry. I crossed a line I shouldn’t have even been near.”

For a little bit, it was quiet. John waited as the A.I. contemplated his words. Then, she spoke her judgment, “Well, I know you are. You haven’t exactly been working off your butt over nothing, right? Plus, reliable sources say one of the ways guilt manifests is anger. I’ve seen that with the rest of your family. It would make sense yours would too.”

John blinked. Part of him was expecting her to not fully understand why he was apologizing, but the other wanted her to just so he could get over this, just so he could let go of even just the teeniest amount of guilt he had, “EOS, anger isn’t a valid excuse. What I said was wrong. I don’t believe those words and you shouldn’t either. The whole point of this partnership is to show you that there’s more to life than just calculations and probabilities. It’s kind of hard to see that when the one person who promised to be different went and screwed it up anyway.”

John hoped EOS was at least questioning things now instead of letting his words go in one ear and out the other. Her next words said she was doing exactly the latter, “Okay. I don’t disagree with you, John, but I don’t know why you’re so hooked on this. I understand. We don’t have to worry about this unnecessarily anymore.”

Yes, you do understand. That’s the fucking point.

They weren’t getting anywhere, yet John didn’t even have the energy to groan in annoyance. He could even get his eyebrow to twitch.

All he could do was simply lean his head back against the wall and let his hair stick up against it like static electricity was flowing through it. The real reason it was sticking up was probably due to a mixture of Zero-Gs and grease from all of the showering he hasn’t been doing, however. His eyes had deep rings around them, and for a second, EOS thought about how relative age could be as a number while John softly spoke, “The Hood was an angry man, too, you know. He felt slighted by our family and wanted us to feel the same. It still doesn’t make what he did right.”

EOS thought about his words before coming to a logical conclusion, “Well, that’s certainly a leap in logic. There’s a big gap between simply yelling because you’re annoyed and literal kidnapping. One gives people a sour mood, the other gives them a significant amount of jail--”

“Yes, EOS, I’m aware of that,” John brought his hand to his face, but underneath it was a grin, telling the world that he was feeling fond exasperation more than anything. EOS was more obtuse than him sometimes. It was one of the few things of himself he wished she didn’t copy so easily. He sighed and brought his hand back down, “I’m just... putting things into perspective. I want you to see why my words were wrong. It would make me feel better if you did.”

EOS hung still, letting John’s admission roll over her wiring like a wave of electricity, “You have a lot of needs and wants. What takes precedent?”

More inflection. This time, John welcomed it. It gave him something to stand on. John wanted a lot of things. Alan to be home safe and sound, Dad to have not disappeared for nearly a decade, for his brothers to stop slowly killing themselves, for himself to stop, but the needs of the many, even the needs of one, outweigh the wants of a singular man like him, but, “Well, needs obviously, they’re necessary, however… it’s okay to be selfish every once in a blue moon. It doesn’t make you inherently bad.”

It was advice he parroted many-a-times to his family, some of them more often than others, seldom to himself if at all.

Scott, it’s okay if you have to tell them you can’t make this business conference.

Virgil, you can count inventory in the morning. You didn’t get any sleep last night either.

Gordon, if you can’t smile for a day or two, that doesn’t make you a bad person.

Kayo, you don’t have to patrol every night. We have security cams for a reason.

Alan, I know we tease you, but you missing a chore or two isn’t the end of the world.

Grandma, you already do enough for us, you barely cooking for us is the least of our worries.

That last one might be more for the rest of his family than not, but hey, two birds and one stone. Keeping his back against the wall, John stood up straighter against it, face suddenly serious, “In fact, wanting to be selfish is one of the best ways to tell that you’re human. You can’t escape it. It only becomes bad when you end up only being that.”

EOS sat in silence, her lens flickering in that way it always does when she was signifying she was about to pass judgment like a Goddess, which she seemed to be doing a lot more recently, “Well then… If I’m allowed one moment of self-reprieve, I suppose I should say that those words did… hurt.”

John grimaced despite very much understanding that he deserved it. The return of the inflection didn’t exactly help. Pushing himself away from the wall, he felt the metaphorical weight fall off his shoulders, “Yes, they did, and while they weren’t okay, it is okay to say that they weren’t. I still am very sorry.”

EOS adjusted her camera, probably to stall for time, “I know you are, John. I still forgive you, but am I correct in assuming I’m allowed some time to… recover isn’t the word I’m looking for, but--”

“Yes, EOS,” John helped her explain her own point, “Recover is a good word. You’re allowed that if you want it.”

John wasn’t sure how, but it seemed like EOS visibly relaxed, “Thank you, then, for letting me do that. This.”

For some reason, John did too, “Of course.”

It was a soft kind of awkward silence, where both parties had something on their mind but they weren’t entirely sure if they wanted to say it out loud. This is why EOS appreciated John more than the others, he simply let silence be silence. It allowed her time to think, unlike how Scott and Virgil kept asking questions, or how that awful duo made noises and messes only to have a chance at making people laugh. As if that was the most important thing they needed to do.

The nights the youngest called John were endless with his constant babbling that tended to grate her circuit boards. The only reason she let it happen was that John seemed to loosen up at the interaction. He became less weary, less worried-filled. He seemed to greatly enjoy the audial presence of Alan Tracy, let alone the way he lit up when the youngest actually showed up in person. It was just unfortunate that it seemed like the kid could never keep his mouth shut.

Then again… from what John said, the whole reason there wasn’t any more Alan was because he did keep it shut. At the worst moment possible. Now there wouldn’t be any more babbling period. Alan was gone, and the whole family was suffering from the new silence. EOS reasoned it was from the general idea of forced silence instead of just freely being able to leave the room or being able to tell him to quiet down, but maybe it was more than that. She could make another list of options to consider.

Plus, it was weird to think about a future where all of those video game walkthroughs she was forced to save would never be used again. John insisted that they weren’t just wastes of megabytes, so...

Hmm.

“Could you…” EOS trailed off, and before John could comprehend the unusual behavior of the A.I., she started speaking again, “Could you tell me more about Alan? I’m starting to think I judged him rather harshly.”

John took a moment to register her words and promptly snorted, “Well, most of your assumptions about him aren’t entirely unfounded, but that’s one of the joys of being an older sibling, I guess. Surprises around every corner,” there was regret in her voice and John knew he had to treat this as gently as he would a newborn child otherwise he would never hear it again.

EOS flickered, “I thought you didn’t like surprises.”

Uh, “Well, not usually, but there are a few from time to time that I could look back on and call them… quaint, in a sense.” Suddenly, a memory resurfaced, and John found himself grinning like he was doped up on nitrous oxide, “Yeah, they can have good surprises occasionally…”

It was a week before his next rotation. Scott would be back home in about three days, which allowed the second born to actually have a few moments with his only older brother. He was looking forward to it just as much as Scott was. Right now, though, he had to make sure he got the right angle.

Right as he did, he heard the soft pitter-patter of footsteps come up the ladder, and when he turned around, he was met with a bundle of freckles, “Oh, hey Alan.”

Hi, Johnny, the kid squirmed out, Is it okay if I sit next to you?

At first, a list of things wanted to fill John’s head. You look dead on your feet, you should be asleep, you have a lot going on this week so why are you wasting sleep? but instead of any of those filling the void that was his brain, John simply nodded, “Yeah, sure, come pop a squat, Sprout.”

John looked away right before he could watch Alan’s nose wrinkle in displeasure. Despite the usage of the nickname (that Alan secretly liked, don’t think you could pull that wool over our eyes, little bro), the kid still toddled over and flopped himself down right next to his older brother. Sighing, the kid leaned his head on John’s arm and absentmindedly stared out into space, both figuratively and literally. Satisfied his brother was comfy, John went back to his current objective.

As John examined the night sky, he also carefully looked over Alan out of the corner of his eye. Every bruise that John could see was finally dulling out into that familiar greyish-yellow as bruises do, and the sight was enough to calm any negative emotion being created from the reminder. John refocused on his telescope to help as well.

The kid had been through one hell of a week, bullies being their typical selves. Every Tracy outside of Scott and Gordon had their fair share of their own experiences with nasty people, and it wasn’t even the first time they’ve left their special kind of blue-and-black marks, but seeing it on Alan was… worse, somehow. Virgil had unsavory anonymous notes at ‘best’, and John knew first hand that their hits bruised more than just physical skin. So to see Alan get the same treatment and not say anything...

John was starting to understand why his older brother greyed so easily.

Speaking of which, Scott was pretty peeved at the idea of not being there for Alan. Because of this, John made sure to be the sole one to call him and inform him of the awful news while the older brother was out at his designated Air Force base. John wanted to see with his own two eyes that Scott wouldn’t do anything rash and made himself liable to be put on some kind of list.

You would think he wouldn’t be that stupid, but the Tracys are known for breaking expectations over their sweet, sweet kneecaps.

(“Scott, you’re not going to steal an Air Force jet just to come and beat up some dumb kids.”

“Watch me.”

“They’re only a year older than Alan.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

John pinched the bridge of his nose, “Listen, we already scarred them enough as it is, let alone their expulsions. Grandma’s threats to the adults were liable for a government-mandated therapist, Virgil just being there had them running for the hills, the computer I was sporting sent chills down their spines and throughout the hallways, and that’s not even to mention Gordon’s threats to the kids themselves. Seriously, where would a 15-year-old even get the tools to do that?”

Scott visibly relaxed at John’s point, but he still sat a little taut, not fully accepting the idea of people being cruel enough to hurt a literal ray of sunshine, “Fine, fine, I still want to talk to the kid over a call at some point. He was the one who dealt with those idiots.”

John’s shoulders deflated, “Yeah, you got me there. He’ll be back with Virgil and Gordon soon enough, you can see him then.”

Scott smiled in a way that washed away the greys in his hair, if only for a moment, “Awesome, I--”

John wasn’t completely done, “But I’m going to be with Alan while you talk to him. I don’t trust you to not be in search-and-destroy mode, and the last thing Alan needs is an angry you with no buffer. Besides, I’m pretty sure we have the same questions. I can play the angsty-Scott translator tonight. Usual fee, 10 bucks each word.”

The groan that managed to fill the whole house despite the tiny speakers was one John would never forget.)

Too lost in thought, John didn’t catch Alan’s movements at first. Leaning away from his telescope, John focused on Alan, “Sorry, Allie, did you say something?”

The child simply shrugged and smushed his chubby cheeks against John’s side, shaking his head, followed by his hands, I just wanted to see what you were doing.

Ah, that made sense. Alan had been continuously signing for the past year because of the obvious, so John rolled with the punches. It was always funny when they talked about these years in the future. Alan talked, Alan said, Alan brought up: it was always metaphorical, and nobody could believe them when they said Alan was fluent in ASL, let alone because he could actually go half a day without talking.

It was ironic because even with no words, Alan still managed to be the loudest thing on the planet. His hands always screamed with excitement whenever he felt like ‘talking’, and no brother ever felt like shutting him up. Especially when it was so easy for Alan to simply not shake his hands to hide the fact that he was in trouble--

Right, don’t go there. John shook his head to bring himself out of his thoughts and replied to the non-verbal admission, “Just looking at the stars. Recording their coordinates and whatnot.”

A small gasp had John jerking immediately away from his scope to see Alan suddenly very worried, maybe even fearful, But won’t you lose your eyes?!

Aha, what? “Allie, you’re going to have to give me more than that.”

John almost didn’t catch what Alan was trying to explain with the way he frantically shook his hands even faster than before, Mrs. Gatsen explained to us that the sun was a star too, but we’re not allowed to look at it for too long because it’ll steal our eyes! I don’t want you to lose your eyes, Johnny!

Ohoho, the part of John’s brain that was all about the smartsy stuff was gearing up to have a full-blown seminar of sorts, but the way the kid seemed so sincere in his worry, in his fear, John felt partially bad for giggling instead, “Oh, Allie, no. Here,” John was activating his inner Virgil and Scott with the way he grabbed the youngster and placed him in his lap, “Yes, the sun is a star, but there are many kinds of stars. Most of which don’t hurt your eyes. Take a look.”

Alan gave one last sentimental look at John, who nodded again just to reassure the blonde before the boy gulped and put his eye against the tool like Johnny did. This time, the gasp that came from him was more magical, more child-like, as it always should be. John watched on as the kid became stuck to his telescope like glue.

Suddenly, Alan leaned back into John, somewhat knocking the wind out of him. Honestly, now that he was thinking about it, John realized he was pushing it by letting Alan sit next to him in terms of his personal comfort zone. He loved Allie just as much as the rest of the family, but letting them in, letting them get close, was veering dangerously close to that specific ‘hug’ territory like he and his parents had.

Before John could explain that in a child-friendly way, and hopefully in a way where the too-smart-for-his-own-good kid couldn’t pick up on the hidden message, Alan looked him directly in the eyes and confidently signed his wants, Can we do this more often? Can we?

Just like that, John’s mind blanked. Alan wanted to do something with him. Not swim with Gordon, not music with Virgil, not do, well, anything with Scott, Allie found something that he would like to do with John.

Huh, interesting, “Yeah, sure. If we can’t do it in the next week, then the first thing we’ll do when I come down is stargaze, because that’s what it’s called: stargazing.”

Alan started gripping his arm tighter and leaned more into his chest, nodding vigorously at the news and looking back to the sky with newfound wonder. Letting Alan be, abruptly forgetting his grievances with things like touch, John went back to his telescope. After another minute or so, John reached a point where he needed both sides of his body, except it looked like one of them was going to be kept immobile unless the spaceman said something to Alan.

John tried doing just that, just without looking away from his device, “Hey, Allie, I don’t mind the sitting-in-my-lap and stuff, but I do need my arm back to--”

Snoring.

Oh.

Jerking his head to physically look at his sibling, John found Alan passed out and squeezing his arm like a freckled koala bear. The ginger flinched a little bit at the drool dripping onto his sleeve, but the way Allie melted into him made him-- actually, he was very suddenly aware that this whole night he hadn’t really been thinking at all, and that thought made him continue to stare mindlessly at the dozing brother.

He always thought about, well, everything. What he was going to say, what he planned to do tomorrow, about what the future held now that they were down their second and last parent. If he didn’t think about it beforehand, he rarely did it. He had to make sure he went through all of his options before haphazardly jumping into the pits of hell.

Yet the way his younger brother looked at him like he was the world himself tonight made John throw all of his training to be as cautious as possible out the window in a need to comfort and care for the small thing in front of him.

It was shocking to his mind, yet he didn’t resent just being able to do without worrying too much. Was this how smother complexes started? Did he ever drool on Scott’s arm? Still staring at Alan, John’s mind continued to be robotic as he simply let his younger brother be and went back to his telescope. Alan had been needing to get a little more sleep lately anyway.

Yeah, it was fine. He could figure out how to follow up on his words later. It wouldn’t be that hard to figure out a way to squeeze Alan into some of his already-planned stargazing nights while making sure the kid still got sleep. Also, John’s used telescopes wearing a cast and sling before, he might prefer two arms, but he has been okay with only one.

If Grandma yelled at John for spending too much time on the roof again, well, she would have to get over it. Alan got an extra hour of sleep and that was all that mattered.

EOS watched as John finished the story. Once he was done, he continued to be quiet while grinning at nothing. All he was doing was simply staring at the floor… It was slightly creepy, and EOS cleared her nonexistent throat, “Huh, I didn’t realize he got a lot of his interests from you. Maybe… maybe you could show me why he did. He can too. More perspectives always get more data.”

John blinked and was immediately taken out of his trance. He brought his hand to his mouth and cleared his throat, “Yeah, he-- wait, what?”

EOS sighed. This is another reason why she snapped him out of it; his inability to listen to someone right in front of him. She simplified her words, “If Alan comes back, can you two take me stargazing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen what the stars look like down there, or, at least, I never looked at them long enough to understand what you all find to be so fascinating about them.”

John blinked a few more times with his mouth slightly gaped. He looked around nervously before bringing his turquoise eyes to look EOS directly in the middle of her camera, “Yeah, sure, EOS. When Alan gets back, that’s the first thing we’ll do.”

EOS didn’t mention anything about the correction of if to when, “Thank you, John, I would like that very much.”

John nodded and floated back to his tech, “Of course. Now then, we’ve got work to do. I’ve been meaning to stargaze recently anyway.”

He still had one more day up here.

And a baby brother who needed saving.

How hard could it be?

---

Very.

Growling in frustration, he thumped his fist against the wall next to him rather harshly.

Not enough to leave any kind of mark or dent, but enough for him to focus on the tiny amount of pain it gave him. He vaguely heard EOS’s lens flare at the sudden noise, but he was a little too focused on why he felt the need to hit his girl.

It was the end of the last day, and he didn’t make it any further like he thought he would.

Some bleak part of his mind was hoped, prayed that his girl would have the tools to find their baby brother. He was willing to bend her entire satellite to be able to reach the far ends of the galaxy if he had to, but even he had to concede that she wasn’t enough. The Hood wasn’t dumb, unfortunately, and he wasn’t going to go easy on them. That is if he was even going “to go” on them to start with.

While it wasn’t the first time he failed spectacularly, this failure certainly hurt the worst.

Half of him wanted to curl up into a ball and forget everything for a moment (or maybe forever), but the other half won out in terms of what his body contorted into. Instead of curling up like a prickly hedgehog, he leaned backward to be floating with his back to the ground and his face to the ceiling with his face in his hands. Meanwhile, EOS silently gazed from her camera in the corner. Watching John struggle this way was… new, and it twisted her wires in a way she wasn’t sure she could describe.

EOS watched him mumble something. Huh, peculiar as ever. Adjusting her camera, she tried small talk, “What was that, John?”

Still mumbles, but more intelligible, “... I need to drop the ‘s’.”

A flicker of yellow, nothing but pure confusion for once in her robotic life, “The ‘s’ of what?”

Suddenly, the astronaut was standing (well, floating) upright with a look of disdain, but EOS could see that it wasn’t meant for her, “Of ‘she’. It’s not ‘Five’s fault, God, it never is, but maybe… maybe it’s mine.”

All of her programs should allow her to say something. Anything, sugarcoated or not, would be beneficial to this seemingly one-sided conversation, but this was the moment she learned that humans could be faster than computers since John steamrolled right to the point without hesitation, “He wasn’t good enough sounds better. Nothing I’m doing is getting any results. I gave my family false hope that I would find something and now I have to go to them and essentially break them. They were already barely holding it together as it was, but when the “smart one” in their family says there’s nothing he can do…”

She found herself going against the logical part of her program-- because despite the idiot John Tracy could be, when he made an argument that had any kind of evidence you never could go against it-- the first time in, well, ever, in an attempt to comfort her partner, “John… I think you’re grasping at straws here.”

He looked up from the floor, and EOS had to shrink her lens at the sight of unshed tears in his eyes, “Who was the one that called him?! Me! He was standing there only a few rooms over, probably terrified out of his mind, and I didn’t know. I let him slip between our fingers because I was so caught up in the moment and I hate myself for it.”

EOS found herself speechless for once, and the few droplets of tears that floated in front of John’s face didn’t help. She had been trying her best recently, especially recently, to understand the fluctuations of human emotion, and she was pretty sure she had decent tabs on at least John nowadays, but this was something unexpected, a thing her programming never really liked to deal with. It involved lots of new calculations and new sims, why, it made things seconds longer when they didn’t have the time to deal with it!

Her electronic voice box made a noise with the intent to say something, as she thought she finally had the time to deal with it, but just her luck, more unexpected things made her reapproach the issue at hand, “John, look out! The Chaos Crew!”

Blinking out of his self-deprecation train, John was uncharacteristically panicking, “What, where?” After doing a full 180, John eventually saw one of his comm radios with the familiar pink symbol floating above it.

John’s pupils shrunk and his eyebrows tilted downward in that unfamiliar emotion: anger.

Fuck this.

The mood change was as fast as the speed of lightning. John practically flung himself to the communication device on something akin to a warpath. No longer regretful or depressed, John was filled to the brim with fury at the sight of one of the men that was a constant thorn in the Tracy family’s side, “What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you--”

“Wait wait wait!” Fuse pleaded, making John momentarily pause enough to listen, “I’m not good at this like my sister is, so this connection is going to drop soon. I need you to reopen the line yourself so I can explain what I’m here for! Trust me, I swear I’m not--”

Zip.

Blinking at the lack of noise, John slowly turned his head to look at his A.I. to get her opinion on the matter. It wasn’t a positive one, that’s for sure. Her dots were bright red, and for the first time in a while, he found himself flinching at the sight and sound of her, “It wouldn’t take much of me to get rid of the nuisance, you know.”

Taking a few deep breaths, John shook his head, “No, EOS, give me a sec. Don’t send him careening into space.”

Yet.

With shaky hands, John did as Fuse begged and found the comm line the guy haphazardly threw together. Right as Fuse jumped at the sight of one of the Tracys actually hearing him out, John’s voice spoke coldly, “You have five minutes. Go.”

Fuse gulped, “W-Well, I suppose the first thing to do would be to apologize. I’ve caused a lot of messes for you and your family-- heh, ‘messes’ probably doesn’t even come close to explaining what I did-- and I realize that now, so I want to--”

Ah, that tactic. The one where they try so desperately to seem like they were repentant. John wasn’t familiar with it, but Scott sure was. Shady business owners trying to shy away from their consequences made the eldest very aware of how slimy those in power could be. Scott complained about it a lot, so John made sure to always remember it just in case he ever ran into it himself.

Preplanning wins again in the Tracy household. You should listen to John’s advice more, Gordon, “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.” John muttered mostly to himself and moved in a way that signified something was going to happen.

Fuse sputtered and stopped immediately. Crap, he was going about this wrong. These were all things he was suddenly genuine about, he really was, but the Tracys didn’t want useless apologies at the moment, and he understood that. Hopefully, he didn’t understand it too late. Right before John could do anything to him or give any kind of command to his satellite, Fuse blurted the information he should’ve said the first place, “I know where he is!”

John felt like the Earth flew right off its axis.

Everything froze, including EOS. His hand was out in front of him for some reason, probably subconsciously reaching for some kind of button, as he absentmindedly listened to the whirl of ‘Five and his brain fully processed what Fuse was promising, “... What?”

John was keenly aware that sounding so weak, so hopeful, was something that Fuse could spinelessly abuse if the man wanted to, but John had a good lie detector. The words that fumbled out of half The Chaos Crew’s mouth were sounding good, great, and John could tell that he wasn’t bullshitting anything, “I know where he’s keeping your bro. I mean… shit, what The Hood did wasn’t right, maybe it never was, but I know this specifically is--” a break in his speech in an attempt to words things better. Fuse failed, “Bad. I just…”

John’s head involuntarily tilted at the way Fuse trailed off. For once in his life, John was at a loss. This was highly uncharacteristic from what John had seen of The Chaos Crew, and the astronaut was so flabbergasted he couldn’t even begin to come up with any possible ulterior motive behind Fuse’s actions at the moment.

Suddenly, Fuse looked back up with big eyes, almost reminding John of Alan a little bit. Not in the obvious ways, because Fuse was on the verge of seven feet tall and built like a truck whereas Alan was the teeniest thing on the planet, but… John could see similar traits of innocence in them. The eyes of someone desperately clinging onto the last few shreds of hope they had, but still ready to do what's right because of it. Because even if the light at the end of the tunnel was small it was still worth fighting for.

Fuse, seeing that John wasn’t going to say anything, bit the bullet, “I don’t know, call it selfish, call it smart, but if The Hood is willing to do something like this to someone so young, I… I don’t want to be apart of it. I can’t give any information about my sister, I’m no snitch, but I want out, even if it means spending the rest of my days in a GDF cell.”

John was suddenly aware of a burning question, “Wait, how old are you, Fuse?”

A tired sigh, aging Fuse to something that was probably three times what he was going to say, “I turn 20 in two weeks.”

John sharply inhaled, “Jesus, I… I didn’t realize you were that young.”

A lot of things made sense quickly and abruptly like they always do for the ginger.

If The Hood was willing to do this to someone so young, that didn’t stop him from doing this to someone like Fuse. The logical conclusion the now ‘ex-villain’ made probably danced the wildest jig in his head, and before anyone could clap their hands, he got as far away as possible. John wouldn’t be surprised if The Hood made idle threats for not following orders or for “being stupid”, so Fuse had every right to feel threatened.

Jeez, he was probably terrified at the implication. A dark, buried part of John selfishly thought good, it sucks you had to learn the hard way, but now you see why we all hate him, but the first thing that came to his mind was something unexpected yet expected all the same.

John was reminded of Alan again.

Except Alan had four older brothers to run to when the monsters got too big or too frightening.

…

Scott was going to kill him, “Park her over on the left and come in. We’ve got a lot to talk about. Bring inside whatever you think will help.”

EOS’s shrill John! ringed throughout the room, yet it was overruled swiftly. Fuse’s mouth was wide open, “For real?”

John couldn’t tell if he was losing the knots in his stomach or forming completely new ones, “Yes. Don’t do anything funny, though. I have eyes everywhere.”

Fuse gulped again, yet he was very business-like with his next words, “Of course.”

The line cut a millisecond before John wanted it to. John knew exactly why, “Listen, EOS--”

EOS was suddenly in his face, and it spoke miles at how far she’s come that she wasn’t blaring any alarms in anger, “No, you listen, John Tracy. I cannot believe the level of ignorance you are displaying!”

Gordon always joked about her being his daughter, but right now, John’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance at the feeling of being scolded by an overbearing mother, “I get this may seem like I’ve lost it--” jokes on EOS, who says he hasn’t at this point? “Listen, there’s nothing else left to go off of, and I know this makes me look like a crazy man desperate for information that might not even be there, but--”

“No buts!” EOS shrieked, “You told me that if you followed a sentence with a “but” that what you were about to say shouldn’t even be considered an option! What is making you throw all of my training out the window?!”

John’s mouth became very dry. This conversation was taking a very different turn, “Wait, EOS, why is this all about you suddenly--”

John was starting to regret giving her more mobility at the sight of her jamming her camera directly in his face even more, “It’s not just about me! This affects you too! You said you always based your decisions on the here-and-now, so I should too, so why am I the only one doing so?! You’ve seen what he’s capable of!”

John’s mind tended to be made of gears, and all of them began spinning at the same time. Dammit, he didn’t pick up on this because he didn’t even consider it a factor: EOS being scared. Hell, it wasn't even considered because the last time he remembered her being this scared was when she thought he was a threat during the first time they met (was it really that long ago?). She was scared that Fuse was going to hurt John like he hurt the rest of the astronaut’s family. Like he hurt Gordon.

The only difference is that nobody could get to John like they did Gordon, so that left the ginger at an impasse if the small chance that Fuse was here to hurt him came true.

John found it very hard to breathe all of a sudden. Closing his eyes and struggling to get enough air in, he realized a fundamental problem. EOS was based on data and things that have been recorded, and so far, the only things recorded about Fuse was that he was hellbent on hurting the Tracy family, a family that John was apart of.

She didn’t know any other way to feel about the guy, she didn’t have any other example.

John would love to be that way too, honestly, to just focus on the data. Numbers never tended to be wrong, and the idea of being a simple number-crunching bot would make life a shit-ton easier, but he can’t. He’s human. One that’s very much willing to go against the numbers and probabilities if it meant helping his family.

A rarity for John, to follow his gut and nothing else, but at the end of the day, he was a Tracy, and following his gut was as familiar to him as it was to name all of the immediate constellations in the summer’s nighttime sky, “EOS, I know it’ll be hard to believe me, hell, I’m having trouble believing myself, but Fuse isn’t here to hurt me. The here-and-now is different for reasons I don’t have enough time to properly explain, okay? If there’s anything to believe, believe in the trust you have in me to make the right decision like I always do.”

EOS made no noise, not even a flicker of her lens. He expected her usual sass, something along the lines of, Who says I trust you, moron? but what he got punched away what little air he managed to collect, “... Do you promise?”

That was the million-dollar question. Of course, he couldn’t. He didn’t like making promises after the age of 12. Too many probabilities, too many what-ifs, made promises somewhat of a theoretical impossibility. But just like that night on the roof with Alan, John was able to not think, “I promise, EOS. You wanted to go stargazing with me and Alan, right? Fuse might be able to let us do that again.”

‘Family’ was a Wild Card. Nothing was possible, yet everything was at the same time when it came down to it. ‘Family’ was what made Scott go from day to day without keeling over. ‘Family’ was what got Virgil to sleep at night when he just couldn’t by himself. ‘Family’ was how Gordon managed to keep smiling and joking despite everything in the world trying to make him stop. Hell, ‘Family’ was how their father kicked the word impossible right in the groin and live.

‘Family’ might have been why Alan was stuck in such a shitty situation, but it was also the reason the kid was willing and able to go that far in the first place. He learned that selflessness from his ‘Family’, after all.

John was intent to use that fact to the fullest.

EOS’s lights blinked in contemplation before she quietly spoke once more, “Do I have permission to shock him if he makes even the slightest suspicious movement?”

John rolled his eyes yet grinned all the same, “Sure, only just a little voltage, though. Right in the ass. Would be a nice pick-me-up after all of this.”

Well, despite the year they’ve had, John wasn’t aware EOS could snort. Another sign things might be going right for once.

The door swwwshed open and Fuse floated into where the two hyper-intelligent beings were hanging about and got straight to the point, “Thank you. I hope… I hope I don’t let you down.”

John found himself light as air, and it wasn’t just the zero-gravity this time, “Sounds good. Let’s get cracking.”

While the first thing he did back on Earth was scare his father and his immediate younger brother shitless, the way they and the rest of the family lit up at the plan he and Fuse came up with (after making sure nobody killed the dude, which was surprisingly more difficult than expected, and boy was it expected) made it all worth it.

Well, maybe the sight of Fuse occasionally jumping and yelping at a strange pinch in his bottom with no known cause was worth it too. John wouldn’t tell his brothers that, though, he was the responsible one, remember?

You always made me look at things differently, EOS. Thank you.