#he doesn't really care about the motives of the cult he just doesn't want to think about the future anymore

[keii]

Mint Eye Yoosung making a reappearance. Despite the red flags in his head, he keeps coming back to MC's quarters since Saeran is usually busy to check up on her.

[casuallyanidiot]

what do you think of yandere priest but in more of a cult vibe?

Like a mother and young adult reader came to the neighborhood and the mother joined the "church" and became crazy religious

Okay, here me out, yandere priest to a cult that's not really a cult, but some multi level marketing scheme.

Tw. for age gap, financial abuse, and religious themes

He's less motivated by faith than he is his own greed. He loves living in luxury scoffs at the notion that he should be more humble. He worms his way into a quaint, suburban neighborhood slowly but surely over several years and drips in bits and pieces of information about a company that's just guaranteed to make you money.

You get to work from home! Be your own boss! And the products themselves work miracles!

Yandere Priest who is calm, charismatic, suave, and oh so charming. Most of the flock he tends to don't even realize he's scamming them out of their life's savings. They're all just far too dumb to even think of him in a negative light.

You and your mom moved to the neighborhood after finally managing to improve your financial situation. You were enrolled in a local community college and had several low paying jobs along with your mother, and the two of you lived frugally until you could afford enough to live in a nicer part of town than the one you had been stuck in your entire life.

The two of you are welcomed warmly by the church, the community, and yandere priest. Your mom is happy to have found such a nice place to live, and she's instantly enticed by the promises of making money through joining the congregation. She gets a bit of success through it at first, and soon she's hooked.

You however, don't buy it one bit.

Yandere priest is intrigued by you. While your mother begins to zealously preach the word of the bible and the word of his money, you seem to have an inherent distrust for him. It makes sense, he thinks. He essentially just views your little family as another wallet in his collection. Still, as much as he understands you, a poor little lamb who wasn't joined his flock yet, he can't let you roam free lest you lead others astray.

It's then he really starts to lay the charm on thick. You remain unconvinced despite the fact that he begins to visit your home often (It's an honor by the way. Your mother knows her place. She graciously welcomes him in and shouts at you when you don't show him respect.), and he catches you scowling at him when you think no one is looking.

You're just so frustrating to him. At first you were like a little challenge to beat, something that he had to work to get for once, but you're proving to be a true pain in the neck. You cats doubt on his name to anyone who'll listen, argue with your mom and try to get her to quit his church often, and he's even caught you trying to snoop around in some financial documents of others around the neighborhood. He begins to think of you as less of a lamb and more of a vixen.

It doesn't help that you're pretty and cute. You're a young faced, rebellious spit fire who calls him out like no one has before, and even though he grits his teeth every time you glare at him, he can't help but love it.

For the first time in a life, he actually has someone he would even deign to call an equal.

Just like with all the money he's sucked out of these poor people, he didn't care that you're practically half his age, or that he could ruin your life with a few words. No, all he wanted was for you to finally just give up, to just set aside your pride and let him win.

All the while, your mother has been changing. She was once a sweet if not ditzy woman who would do anything to protect her child, though now she was wrapped up in the same greed that had been running through this neighborhood since he sunk his teeth in it. Your finances had been depleted despite the fact that she insisted that the church's company was legitimate and making good money. While the two of you had been close, she would yell at you for anything that went out of line from what the church and Yandere priest preached.

You were losing your mother, your community, your hope. If this habit of her spending all of your money on the church continued, soon you were worried that you wouldn't be able to pay for the house or your tuition. You were desperate to get your life back in order, and who but him would be there with a single, honeyed option left for you?

Yandere priest was certain that if he bled you dry just a little longer, you'd eventually accept his oh so gracious offer and finally fall into his hands.

[alliwantistowearcomfypants]

I'm not gonna lie, I think mandalorian should have ended at season 2. It just buttoned up so well, and the message was incredible. It was touching and sad. And then, like a month later, it didn't matter. Season 3 was so disappointing to me, and I think a big reason for that is because it lacked that simplicity the first 2 seasons had. The show was just about a damaged man finding his humanity and helping various people along the way. I know that not everyone loved the simplicity, but I think it was the best thing the show had going for it. Star Wars often suffers from stuffing so much crap in the story that it forgets to add character arcs.

The first 2 seasons are super character focused. The plot is so intertwined with Dins' character growth that it doesn't focus on the big picture. But in s3, Din barely has any growth as a character. There's stuff happening left and right, but Din doesn't really have any emotional stakes in it. Him trying to get his mandalorian status back feels hallow because we literally just watched 2 whole seasons of him breaking away from it. One of the biggest character moments for him was taking off his helmet for grogu. He's telling grogu that he matters more. That he would give it all up for him. It's so touching and feels like his character's natural progression. And then we're supposed to care when all of a sudden he wants back into the morally questionable pseudo cult he broke away from for his baby? I don't care! That plot point also resolves itself in like 3 episodes with little to no confluct, so now what. He wants to help Bo Katan. Ok. Why. No idea. He's kinda just there, watching things happen around him. There's no inner conflict or tough decisions he needs to make. His character arc is over, and you can tell the writers didn't know what to do with him.

The show is honestly focused more on bo katan than din. Which, no hate to her, but I'm not here for her. She's treated like a wronged princess, not like a deeply flawed terrorist who saw the error of her ways way too late. She literally aided in getting her planet overrun by crime leaders and sith. And the show just brushes past that. They don't even mention Satine, which could have been a great way to humanize Bo. Have her struggle with the fact that she got her sister killed. Have her wanting to restore mandalor for her sister, who died trying to protect it. It would have been so much more impactful if Bo Katan's motivation was out of guilt for getting her sister killed and planet overrun. She could have slowly opened up about her complicated relationship with her sister. She could have had an obi wan kenobi type arc. Learning the only thing she can do is move forward. Try to right her wrongs. Restore Mandalore in the name of her flawed but deeply devoted sister. I do not understand why they didn't at least touch on Bo's personal ties to the planet. She feels so one dimensional, and they could have easily made her more interesting. Or at least motivating.

My biggest problem with the show is that I didn't really care. I didn't care about Bo Katan's goals or Din's. And I think the biggest reason is because the show forgot to add character moments that tied them to the things they want in a personal way. Also, Din's baptism thing was stupid. Just cut that out entirely. No one wanted that.

[divorcemotif]

one of the most interesting facets of martins character imo is that for how much his identity is centred around caring for & about other ppl, he's actually remarkably impatient, quick to frustration, and dismissive when he doesn't understand them. theres definitely a thing where martin believes he knows better than the people around him when he really just wants things to be simpler: he's ready to dig his heels in and dismiss other ppl/ideas as irrational when he's unwilling to actually engage with them or challenge his own worldview. he's sometimes right in a broad sense about jons actions being bad for him--in season 4, like, yeah, impulsively jumping on a boat to norway to antagonize an evil cult is pretty dangerous and maybe jon & basira should have thought it through a bit more beforehand. but hes unable to connect the dots himself abt why jon might do that; he's immediately too exasperated with the situation to really engage with it past insistence on the righteousness of his own perspective. which is kind of a dangerous tendency in combination with how broadly unwilling he is to examine his own motivations either: he doesnt think he's important enough for his actions to really matter, but they do, and his motivations are more complicated than wanting everyone to be ok--more than hes willing to admit to himself. season 4 is so interesting for how ready he is to dismiss challenges to his perception of jon: jon would only have fed on jess tyrell if he was possessed, jon would never really want to escape the institute with him. in 158 when he calls jon his reason it's kind of double-edged: how much is it that he would do anything to protect jon, and how much is protecting jon his justification for continuing to indulge his passive suicidality via self-isolation? if he wants jon at a safe distance where he can sacrifice himself for him without having to actually face him, then certainly knowing better than jon means he never has to engage with what jon like. actually wants or is doing

[thosewildcharms]

Ugh the comparisons are so annoying. You’ll still find people insisting Shane was just ahead of Rick in terms of adapting to a brutal world. When it’s clear the ZA broke Shane, he never really measured his choices and didn’t wanted to help anyone at all. He was a coward and acted first as a coping mechanism not because he was an efficient leader.

say that anon! it's honestly not only annoying but a little troubling to me when people compare rick to shane or worse, n*gan because what do you mean shane was right and rick needed to be more like him? what do you mean if we watched the show from negan's pov we'd be on his side and see rick as the villain? no the fuck he wasn't and no the fuck i would not!

the show establishes very early that yes, violence is necessary. and since that's the case, to differentiate between the rick/the people we're supposed to love and the actual villains we have to look at their motivation. rick has been incredibly violent, but his motivation is always to protect, not only his immediately family, but anyone who becomes part of his community. the group flocked to rick instead of shane from the very beginning because he cared about everybody's welfare, unlike shane whose motivations were ultimately selfish. i always think about his last scene with rick, how shane says he's better for lori and carl, like he wants to possess what is rick's - hence why he sexually assaults lori in the CDC. he didn't love her, he felt he was owed her. the way shane so quickly and easily abandoned all sense of right and wrong and adjusted to brutality was a red flag, not something to emulate. to reiterate the parallel they drew between shane and beale in the towl finale, shane was willing to sacrifice other people (his own people!) for his own survival. we should see this as a bad thing. by contrast we know, empirically, that rick would sooner sacrifice himself than anyone he considered himself responsible for (see: the bridge). the argument that rick needed to learn to be more like shane just doesn't track for me: we saw in nebraska when he killed those two men in the bar without blinking that he was perfectly capable of doing what needed to be done. we saw it when he was the one to step up and kill sophia when she came out of the barn while shane just looked at his feet. if anything, killing shane taught rick just how far rick was willing to go. as he said in his dream sequence in 9x05, it had to be him. he had to stay alive to keep protecting the people he loved no matter what, even if it meant killing his best friend. that's his motivation.

as for n*egan. well. i can't believe in the year 2024 people are still not understanding that rick fucking grimes would never have subordinates, let alone force them to refer to themselves by using his own name. he'd never kill a child to prove a point and force submission, and would never, ever force women to become his wives and have sex with him whenever he wants via coercion because rick grimes would never sexually assault someone. do you honestly think daryl, glenn, maggie, carol, hershel, anyone in team family would have stayed with rick if he was capable of any of that? do you think michonne would have let him within fifty feet of her, let alone put an entire baby in her if that was the type of person he was? the same michonne who arguably has the best instincts of anyone on the show? who sniffed out the governer's bullshit immediately? no. when shown an alternate reality where she became a savior instead of part of team family, michonne called it hell. she only feels safe when she's with rick.

n*gan's whole thing reeks of egotism and a need for power - seeing his people as cogs in a machine meant to be put to work and terrorized and abused only to be told it's all for their own benefit. the saviors are a cult, whereas rick genuinely sees and treats his people as his family. rick's people not only love him, they're not afraid of him. they know that when he does go too far they are safe to tell him so, and that he will listen (even if it takes him a minute). rick admits he deserved it when michonne knocked him out at alexandria, and being a farmer at the prison was basically the apocalyptic equivalent of wearing the grippy socks and he did it without complaint. he lets himself be guided. as hershel said, he gets to come back, and he always does, because for rick ego and power have nothing to do with why he does the things he does. he doesn't enjoy it - it traumatizes him and he has to recover from it. this is not a person on a power trip who needs to be eliminated, but a person who is respected and as a result cared for because he does what needs to be done - things other people might not be capable of doing - but for the right reasons.

all of this is why the towl finale had to happen that way btw. not just because it was set up from the very first episode from a writing/narrative standpoint (and i'll let the much more qualified @starfruit-green speak on the socio-political aspects) but because there's no way rick and michonne grimes would ever hear the words coming out of beale's mouth and not immediately lunge. that finale painstakingly spelled out, slowly while using small words so people could understand, that rick and michonne's sword, their violence, is the necessary kind that protects, that eliminates the real threat. beale, shane, n*gan? they are the threat.

anyway. thank you to @starfruit-green and @redding for the encouragement <3

[autistichalsin]

I love my mom but the lying and guilt tripping gets to be so much sometimes.

IE she overheard me talking about getting my brother a ticket to fly to comic con with us. She got pissed about money (fair enough I guess since he still lives with her and my dad) but then I brought up we were helping, and she got mad at me saying she missed my college graduation because of money so why didn't we help?

I just about lost it. I BEGGED her to come. I offered to pay for all the hotels or plane tickets. She's scared of flying so wouldn't do that, and won't let my dad go anywhere without her, so that was a no. And she said the drive was way too long, she'd be really uncomfortable, and my dad couldn't take that long off work.

She didn't come because she didn't think it was important. Bottom line.

In fact, I even mentioned at one point before the graduation I was grateful, as much as the pandemic sucked, that the graduation would be getting livestreamed because it meant she and my dad would see it no matter what. And she (granted, drinking at the time, but still) said it was horrible for me to celebrate people dying just so I could have a graduation.

EVERY TIME I brought up my graduation, she never showed the slightest interest, nor the slightest bit of sympathy that she was missing it. She went out of her way to blame me, act like I was the one being unreasonable. She continued showing absolutely no interest for my Masters graduation, so that I ended up not even bothering to travel (online program) because I knew no one would be there for me anyway, so why bother.

I didn't even get to go to my high school graduation, because it was an online program on the other side of the state. I had to be held back a year when depression hampered my academic performance, and my older siblings had already dropped out; in desperation, trying to motivate me not to do the same, my dad promised me that if I made it, they would too. So I worked through, got the credits I needed... and nope. My mom screamed that my dad spent too much on getting the car up to pass inspection standards (how does that even make sense) and that we therefore couldn't afford to go. So I didn't get to attend that either.

And you know what? Honestly, I made my peace with it- with the fact that my mom will never care about me the way she cares about my sister, that she just doesn't think my successes are worth celebrating (unless she can brag to someone online to seem like a good parent, I guess) and lacks the empathy to understand why me having my parents with me at major life events is a big deal. I worked through that and made my peace with it and have quietly decided I am not even going to bother inviting them to any future events I have, unless maybe I get married one day, I guess, though I feel she'd still try to find excuses not to go to that if it was more than a four hour drive from her.

I could deal with all that. But she fucking LIED about it to guilt trip me. She lied that she WANTED to come and it was money preventing her. That I never tried to help her get to me. And that's the part that hurts the most. That she wasn't there to celebrate when it mattered, but now has the nerve to lie about it and play victim, as though I'm the reason she wasn't there.

She always does this shit! When I was a senior in undergrad, there was an undergraduate research symposium everyone in my major was required to present at. It was ALSO on Zoom, so no excuse not to make it. I asked her and my dad multiple times if they'd like to see my present my research paper on a Japanese death cult and the effects it had on Japanese culture. They BOTH declined. So I invited my grandma, who was happy to be invited, and my best friend even walked her through setting up Zoom for the first time. AFTER the event, when I was telling my mom and dad on the phone about my grandma loving my presentation, THEN my mom got livid and said she had NEVER been invited, and of COURSE she would have come if she had the chance, why did I invite my grandma and not her?

She doesn't want to share in important things with me but then she gets pissed if I then share them with others instead. I guess she wants to feel so important that her declining would make me refuse entirely instead (as with my Masters degree ceremony?) I don't know.

I'm just tired of this man.

[bastart13]

How would you rank the generals?

In how much I like them? Incredibly hard to say.

The generals have a fantastic group dynamic with them all being one insult away from killing each other despite having to share a breakfast table and ostensibly protect each other in war. That and the fact they each take a role as primary/secondary (second to the Witch Queen) antagonists in their corresponding protagonist's routes means I end up like one of them the most in different contexts.

Magnus is probably the least overtly entertaining, being the most serious and focused of the generals, but he gets some of the best fight scenes (special shout out to his final fight with Helena) and I enjoy both his pragmatism and absolute inability to kill without monologuing first. He's a straightforward bloothirsty man looking for power and I honestly respect the lack of complex motivation. Also, him getting addicted to soap operas in the modern world is some of the hardest I've laughed in the entire game.

Lennox is a bitch and I love it. His vibes are rancid and I have no idea how anyone trusts him enough to join his cult, but at the same time, I can see it. Despite being a coward and probably the least physically imposing of the generals, he can take a hit! Saerys has enough power to punch a tree in half and can outrun a horse, but Lennox can still put up a fight with him. He probably has the most entertaining dynamic with the other generals for being a manipulative shit, especially with how much Helena hates his guts.

Jinhai, then, has a really fun dynamic as the one general who kind of doesn't care about the Witch Queen. He's the most independent and really only cares about himself and indulging whatever freedoms and whims he wants, having more of a mutually beneficial relationship with her. This gives him great moments where they're all moments from tearing each other to pieces and he's just smiling and egging them on. I always laugh with how his reaction to Helena or Alain falling in love with the MC is just "fuck already and get it over with, we have bigger things going on."

...This is all outside of the moments where they die off like cannon fodder because the other routes remember they need to take them down one by one. Shout out to Magnus who gets sent to the shadow realm on a trip to town.

(Also Helena and Alain are also very funny as antagonists because they're played so much creepier. Helena and Alain be normal challenge, impossible. They've already kidnapped the MC and started stroking her hair)

[asingleshampdition]

Sympathy for Jin Shirato

In all honesty, I actually feel just as, if not worse for Jin, than I do Chidori; especially in Reload, despite Chidori being the most fleshed out of the Strega three. This character analysis will not include developments from Shadow Cry, as I'm not aware of most of its contents enough to include it. (P.S. There are no visuals because for some reason, Tumblr doesn't want to save with them.) I think the motivations of the three Strega members are very important. All of them came from the same background, as child experiments; and thus, we can draw fair conclusions from them.

Takaya wants to get back at the world for hurting him. He's a man who is very weak-willed, and wishes for death, as long as it means others come along with him. He's adopted this view in which his only purpose in life is to bring everyone down with him: as he's been granted the power to do such (in the form of Hypnos), he's under the impression that his life is meaningless otherwise. This is why he's so unwilling to give up the Dark Hour to SEES; he's unwilling to start over, because in his mind, he's built up meaning for himself. Takaya doesn't really care for anyone; everyone he comes across, to him, is either an asset he can use to achieve his goal (Jin and Chidori), or an obstacle (SEES). As much as I'd like to believe Takaya genuinely did care for Jin and Chidori, I can't see it. At the end of the game, Takaya becomes a cult leader; Strega had always had parallels to such, and cult leaders, like Takaya, don't typically care about their followers. Rather, they see them as tools, to get their way. From my point of view, Takaya is an irredeemable piece of garbage, in the games, and cannot compare to Jin or Chidori in terms of sympathizing potential. As previously stated, I'm not accounting for Shadow Cry in this post, so I don't really know how the pathetic wet cat man is portrayed there. Chidori's motivation is that she, quite literally, has no motivation. She finds no purpose in life, and therefore, doesn't really care what happens either way. In her eyes, dying just means she'll never wake up again, and the end of the Dark Hour? "Cool, more days to live until I inevitably die," is probably what she would've made of it. Either that, or, "oh no, Medea!" Chidori's motivations are so radically different than both Takaya and Jin's motivations, and I believe this is why she was able to break away from such a cynical, nihilistic line of thought, much more easily than the other two. The only reason she followed, and was loyal, to Strega, was because Jin and Takaya were similar to her. Other than that, she held no regard for them, and did not consider them friends. It did not matter, to her, who she followed. If Takaya had been a better guy, maybe with hopes of reform, she probably would've turned out better as well. The only person she really cared about, until Junpei, was herself; as selfish as that sounds. She considers Medea her only true friend, as a representation of how she isolates herself, in order to not be afraid of death. So, where does that leave Jin? I believe Jin, unlike Takaya and Chidori, possesses a trait that neither of the other two have: genuine care for the few people close to him. The reason Jin doesn't want the Dark Hour to disappear is very similar to Takaya's; however, as shown in Reload, this isn't really the case. We have to remember that Takaya, essentially being a cult leader, even before he starts such, is incredibly manipulative and charismatic. Think of Jin as a young, impressionable dude, who is at an incredibly low point in his life; someone who is emotionally vulnerable, someone who can be targeted. The perfect candidate for a potential cult member. Then comes along Takaya: someone who is kind to him. Someone who treats him with dignity, with respect; someone who is there for him when he needs it most. Someone who 'saves' him. Kind of like Chidori, I believe Jin could've fallen for anyone; it didn't have to be for Takaya, it just had to be someone who was kind to him during the darkest time of his life. Unfortunately for him, Takaya does not truly care for him, unlike the vice versa, and whatever kindness Jin experienced from Takaya may or may not have been an act of manipulation. Kind of like how cults usually target young, impressionable, emotionally vulnerable individuals. Jin was manipulated into siding with Takaya; and kind of like a cult member and a cult leader, the member would align with the leader's ideals. Therefore, I do not believe Jin's true reason for standing against the Dark Hour's absence is the same as Takaya's.

This is not to say Jin doesn't have a 'real' reason; unlike Chidori, I believe he does. His statements on 10/31, being: "If the Dark Hour disappears, we might forget everything that happened, won't we? / I'd forget you and Chidori, the things we did together, our time at the facility... All of it." I find this line an incredibly simple way of painting Jin in a sympathetic way; and yet, it's incredibly tactful. Jin values the time he's spent with Takaya and Chidori; he values them. To him, they're like family. They are what SEES is to Makoto/the protagonist: his friends, the only friends he's ever had, and he'd rather die than forget about them. The only problem is that both Takaya and Chidori hold little to no regard for him. I'm somewhat sure he knows this, and yet, he still chooses to view them in such a way; even after Chidori pays virtually no mind to him as a person, and when Takaya separates from him in the final stretch of Tartarus, knowing that Jin would probably die.

This conclusion does raise some questions, though; when Chidori sacrificed herself for Junpei, why didn't Jin say anything? Rather, why didn't he try and stop her? After all, he's mostly silent, and Takaya does most of the talking during the sequence. Strega's philosophy on death is to not fear it, as it is inevitable. Perhaps this is also why Jin does not show sadness when Chidori dies? To Jin, as well as Takaya and Chidori, they've accepted that they will all die someday, because of the suppressants, as well as their Personas. Jin doesn't view Chidori's death as sad, not because he doesn't care for her, but because Strega has already established that death is inevitable for people like them. Another potential reason for Jin supposedly not caring for Chidori's death is the presence of Takaya. As a cult member is to a cult leader, Jin is dependent on Takaya. Since Takaya only views Chidori as a pawn, perhaps Jin would take on Takaya's view on the matter; to Jin, Takaya is wiser than anyone else. I really can't think of any other reasons as to why Jin wouldn't show much emotion during Chidori's death, other than either one: Jin specifically referring to Takaya, and only adding Chidori in as an afterthought, in his quote, or two: bad writing. The first one I doubt, as I feel like Jin would be one of the last people to tell a half-truth (to Takaya, of all people, to boot); especially since his last name is Shirato (white door), referring to how he can't keep his fatass mouth shut when talking about important information with SEES. I don't really think the writers would make such an oversight; adding Jin's sympathetic statement, and then forgetting to make him sympathetic otherwise. Not saying it's not possible; it definitely was, considering the quality of the villains' writing in the older versions of Persona 3. I just find it unlikely. This all just goes to show that Jin could've ended up just like the SEES members, if not to a greater extent than Chidori. He loved the ones he was close to, and he believed in bonds, to some extent. Of course, maybe not in the way SEES does, but the point is that he did; and bonds are the entire premise of the Persona series. Takaya never believed in bonds at all, throughout the entire game; he's too focused on himself, so he's out of the question. Chidori doesn't believe in bonds until Junpei shows up, even with Jin and Takaya in the picture. Jin is the only Strega member who would go as far to die for his found family, the only member who loved his companions from the start.

The more I think about it, the less I really blame Jin for who he became. Like I've mentioned before, you have to think of Jin as a cult member. A cult member who was 'indoctrinated' by Takaya, because he was naive, impressionable, and a lost soul; looking for someone to love him, respect him, stay by his side, and 'save' him. Would you fault a lost soul, someone who is incredibly emotionally vulnerable, as well as naive, for being manipulated into a cult? Sure, you could view Jin as 'stupid' for falling for Takaya, but that's the thing: people who become cult members aren't always stupid. They could be the brightest, most mature person you know; and that's not the point. Cults target people who are lonely; who want love. No matter how bright, mature, talented, well-read you are; at the end of the day, you are not immune to manipulation, if the manipulators pull the right strings. I think that's what's most scary about Jin: his story revolves around how someone so bright, so talented, someone who was one the right track, who more or less had the right mindset about relationships, was thrown off course, because he was also lonely, naive, and lost. It's very similar to many people who join cults; his character, even in Reload, can be written off as just some cynical, Takaya-obsessed bomb maniac, kind of like how a lot of people write cult members off as off-putting, evil, and sadistic. I think Reload did a terrific job at exploring this part of his character, even if it was just a few extra scenes. Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing because he's my favorite character lmao, who knows?

[makingfanfictionstosleep]

My First But Not My Last.

Pairing : Gojo x Femreader, Geto x Femreader

Setting : Started from Pre-Cult Suguru Geto // Modified that Kenjaku will not totally take over Geto's subconscious later on // Girl bff Shoko, Mei Mei & Utahime, Strong sorcerer reader // Death, Murder Spree, Romance, Lemons.

Rating : Mature || m i n o r s d o n o t i n t e r a c t

Part 2 : Why?

<< Previous ...... Next >>

How did it turn out this way?

You sat on your couch..

On yours & his couch..

Where you would talk about random stuff...

Where you would sit lazily with a book on one hand, while the other mssages his head on your lap...

Where you would argue about something petty which xh would turn into a passionate make out session...

Where he would sit down surfing tv channels while you sit comfortably on his lap, his other hand caressing your thighs...

Where you would find him asleep while waiting for you on days when you did missions apart...

Yours & Suguru's.

Now, you don't know what you did wrong & when did it all fall apart.

You were there as much as Satoru was, as he is an unofficial resident in your place.

You were beside him, always.

How could you have missed it?

You knew his smiles were fake.

His cheerful attitude was a mask.

You knew it, but you trusted his words every time you asked.

"Baby, you worry too much."

"I'm fine, really."

"I love that you care about me, but I'm just tired. That's all. I promise, baby."

Because you wanted to believe that he truly was fine.

Even if your gut tells you that something was wrong.

If only you knew that night would be the last time time you'd hug him, see him, kiss him, make love to him...

If only you knew, then you would never have let him go.

"Come on baby," he rasped against your ear, "I want to hear you.," while he pumped his fingers inside you, rubbing the spot that made your eyes roll at the back of your skull, whimpering as he continuously fuck you with his long, calloused fingers, making you cum in seconds.

You breathed heavily, legs still shaking as he went down on you, hands spreading your legs in front of him, his tongue tracing your wet entrance.

Only then did you undertand why he took his time. It was passionate, it was raw. He traced every part of your body, marked every inch of your body - like memorizing it.

Because it was the last time he would make love to you.

"Mmmm, Suguru," you moaned as you bounced on his huge shaft, your ass tingling from being slapped by his big hands, "Oh fuuuuck," you held on to his shoulders for your dear life as he gripped your ass & thrusted into you mercilessly.

"Like that, baby?"

"Mhmmm," you half moaned, half nodded as he hit your sensitjve spot over & over with his poweful thrusts, "Oh Suguru, yes please please please baby."

You came on his member as he kept his pace using your juices as a lubricant. He bit your shoulder as you dug your nails into his back hissing at the pain & pleasure.

He flipped you on all fours, pushing your head down the bed as he slammed himself into you, making you cry his name. He slapped your ass over & over but you couldn't care less because it feels so good.

If only you knew.

If only you pressed for more... For him to spill it out because you can feel that something is wrong & that he doesn't have to hide from you... That you love him very much that you wanted to carry whatever burdens him together.

Satoru knew how you feel because he is as guilty & puzzled as you are.

You woke up alone in that big bed.

Drawers empty.

His number unattended.

No leads.

No residuals.

Nothing.

"Suguru Geto murdered his entire family along with many other non-sorcerers."

Only then you heard the news from Yaga-sensei...

You couldn't believe it.

Because he's your Suguru.

Your gentle giant.

"... Sentenced to death."

Your safe haven.

Your rock.

Shoko tried to call you, but Suguru stopped her because he said he might be swayed from his motive, from the path that he chose to take.

She said that he knew that you would do everything to stop him, to change his mind & that you would win. But that will make him miserable.

That will make him full of regrets

Full of 'what ifs'.

You loved him

You still do.

But maybe it was not enough for him.

And that broke your heart into pieces.

Because Suguru Geto was your first.

And you always thought he would be your last.

A/N : Typed on my phone. Gradually proofreading typos. Please bear with me.

[inexplicablepeas]

So I realized that I never shared my Blood & Gold re-read thoughts due to shadow-ban issues on the old blog, thoughts under the cut! It's long!

It was interesting to read this immediately after TVA, it really highlighted Anne's talent for developing distinct voices for her characters as the two books are so different in structure and voice. Where TVA is fevered and rambling with tonnes of evocative metaphor this is logically ordered and somewhat detached. This has none of Lestat's conspiratorial chumminess interspersed with catastrophic existential crises, none of Louis' melancholy poeticism, we're just getting straight facts from Mr Marius . So Marius' voice is a bit drier than a lot of the other narrators in the chronicles but that does feel correct and it gives the book a bit of a cosier and more chill vibe than most of the other entries. It's like story time with Marius. 

It's interesting that this one isn't framed as a book being written for publication but as a quiet and private conversation between a lonely guy and a stranger who showed up on his door step happy to listen to him. I think that makes sense for Marius, he doesn't seem like he would publish his life story, he's too private and he would probably have been more tactful land less honest about certain things if it was for publication - less interesting for us!

You do still have to read a lot of his inner journey between the lines nonetheless. He's not really telling you how he was doing day to day after he abandoned Pandora entirely (following an argument about how to deal with the emerging cult of satan worshippers) then spent centuries in Rome pretending he wasn't dying for Avicus' (and Mael's?) company while letting partying mortals have run of his house as he painted the walls subconsciously with dozens of Pandora faces... but you can imagine, he's probably not feeling great!

It was fascinating to get more detail on how he was recruited to be keeper of the parents and to see his tense arms-length relationship with Mael play out over the years. Eudoxia is a great addition to the story as brief as her time in it is and getting his version of Armand's story is very welcome (and of course interesting to contrast with Armand's telling). Getting more Bianca was also welcome, she's such a big presence in TVA, I liked getting Marius' perspective there. 

I've got some of the same kind of complaints I had with TVA about what was left out. I guess that structuring a life story that spans millenia is no easy task and it's inevitable that some stuff is gonna get left out. Anne probably didn't want to rehash the same events form different perspectives over and over again but I really was disappointed that the narrative doesn't touch on his thoughts on his reunion with Armand in QotD, the brief Night Island coven times, how Daniel came to be in his care (???), his reaction to Armand's suicide attempt (!?), how was it that he and Santino ended up being the team on clean up duty together for that anyway (???), his reaction to learning that Armand was in fact alive(!) and his subsequent turning of Benji and Sybelle.

Marius:

And Pandora of course, I hadn't read her book at the time of reading this so I was disappointed about how little detail we get on the centuries they spent together. You can imagine his motivations for leaving a lot of this stuff out, it seems that some things are still too painful to talk about and he is also telling a specific story to a specific audience here (to influence a particular outcome, perhaps? *squints suspiciously at Marius*) so it makes sense for him to brush over or leave some things out entirely but it's not always the most satisfying result for a reader that's already invested in these characters and their stories.

The framing device with Thorne is great, I can't emphasize enough how immediately I fell in love with this guy, this stoic but sensitive viking titan of a vampire. I found the final chapter to be the most exciting really, I guess because where most of the story is Marius explaining from his perspective why he's alone (apart from Daniel who doesn't count because he's too obsessed with his model cities, sorry Daniel!), it's all a foregone conclusion where we're heading and we know what happens to most of the major characters but once we get back to Thorne's contemporary POV hey, anything can happen! And thanks to Thorne, stuff does happen! He's kind of the MVP of this book. We also get a teeny bit of Daniel in the framing chapters at the start of the book and hey, it's nice to see him alive and still sassy, if a little worse for wear.

Overall I find it a pretty enjoyable vampire chronicle. I do love the lore of Anne's vampire universe, how rich it is both with historical details and with her own world building and Marius is, of course, very key to it as guardian of the parents for millennia, so I do want to know everything about him and I'm glad this book was written to give us more of his story. His chronicle of his very lonely life, caused in no small part by his own stubbornness and terror of losing control is sad and often frustrating but I did find all of it a compelling read. He's a very strange guy and it really is fascinating to get more of his perspective, even if he doesn't quite have the zazz of a Lestat or the poetry of a Louis.

[potatoqueensays]

Heyoo 👀 So you said you could/Should make a post just for Bill and I am interested in his role considering the horrors you'll put him through (no pressure tho)

YEAH OF COURSE!!!!

(ignoring the fact I posted this early oughhhhh I hate you Tumblr 💥💥💥)

Unfortunately I do not have my collab partner on this one cause he's busy so you get my unfiltered thoughts 💪

I'll go up until weirdmageddon (calling it normageddon for now) cause that should be it's whole entire post, and also some more details will be with the mystery twins, not too much to miss ofc!!

Warning for torture and stuff, proooobably should've done that with the other post and stuff but I was tired 🤷‍♀️

Also Bill will be addressed as Will Cypher only right before he meets the mystery twins. Keeping some stuff from the original au but still with my spin, ya feel?

LETS GO!!!

So Billy! Little guy. Totally not an interdimensional freak yuh huh. Born with his defect (I hc it to be his eye being in the middle) that ostracized him from society. Parents tried to give him help and restrict his vision of beyond the 2D world, but he wanted more. In an attempt of freeing his world from their limited vision, he ended up destroying Euclydia in a massacre. Only thing left was a single speck that he keeps under his hat wink wink

Now when meeting the henchmaniacs, they don't go the full mile and instead do petty theft and trickster stuff. Bill isn't as much of a crazed lunatic like in canon so his actions are more subdued.

My drawing for timeline reference :)

Parties are still a big interest for him ofc, just....a little less arson. Now the nightmare realm is still receding in itself, so Bill still has the motive to make the portal cause he hears the prophecy of merging the realms.

He still goes to Earth and Gravity Falls. Prophecy is still considered deadly as yes, merging the realms is still very very deadly. Bill doesn't know this yet (tho even if he did he probably wouldn't care)

The Silas Birchtree stuff still happens, but the cult stuff kinda happens on its own without Bill forcing a cult to be made. It kinda just happens and he's like "aight"

Now this goes up until he's summoned to Gravity Falls by Ford. He can tell the scientist has potential and could make the portal for him, so they make their deal. Bill asking for the portal while Ford asks for power and knowledge in return.

Bill stands by, giving direct orders of what's needed for the portal yadda yadda. But it gets interesting once he notes that McGucket is having second thoughts (Fidds will also have a post cause he's very important in normageddon)

Bill constantly nags Ford, giving (mostly) empty threats to harm him. He gives him dreams of power when the man does manage to get sleep. Bill has a very distant understanding of how humans work here, due to possessing a corpse from his previous work and he himself doesn't really need to fill needs like humans.

Once McGucket is thrown into the portal all bets are off with Ford. Initially Bill appreciates the quick disposal of an interruption, but he reminds Ford the portal needs to be built. Constantly.

Ford is fed up with the nagging, he takes to letting his frustrations out on Bill. Bill doesn't bother giving the dreams anymore to Ford, just bugging the man whenever he's awake. Ford doesn't have a stable sleep schedule anyway after McGucket.

Eventually, Ford asks about possession due to him being a demon. Bill takes him up on the offer, but quickly regrets it as Ford is extremely hungry and sleep deprived. The hell is dizziness to him? Why does it suck so much?

Ford tells him he'd like to research him for the journal. Since Bill doesn't have a physical form, Ford takes to studying him while he's asleep or in the mind scape with Bill in his body.

He tests the limits of Bill with electro shocks, acid, nuclear waste. He blasts loud synthesized music while Bill is in his body and gaslights him for research.

They don't go out partying or for karaoke like the journal states. In this I imagine the journal is filled with scientific jargon on Bill and his limits. Ford is testing what limits a demon has since he isn't human.

Bill can't do anything about it, because Ford asked for knowledge in the deal. Unlike canon, Bill has to stick to deals and unless the deal breaks or Ford dies, he's stuck.

And he really wants this portal to work.

Soon Stan is brought in as the next assistant, and Bill gets a break from all the torture. He retreats to the mindscape to watch from a distance, hoping Ford doesn't get interrupted from work.

Unfortunately, Stanley leaves the project and Ford tries to go solo. When Bill tells him one more time with the threat of taking his eyes, Ford focuses more on torturing him. In the mindscape an altercation came up that ended with Bill's hat crushed, and the speck of his dimension used as leverage.

Needless to say he goes silent.

Drawing ref I did of Bill for this part 🎉

His color becomes more desaturated the more time goes on, less articulate and chatty. Ford is still working on the portal from the side, so he can't call off the deal. Ford falls in and out of sleep in free time, with Bill trying to possess him and actually get Ford to call off the deal. Even if it'll stall the merge, he could always try far far in the future, when Ford is dead.

Unfortunately it doesn't work, nightmares don't work either, as Ford just pushes back harder and digs up trauma of Euclydia.

Bill can try to get Ford to fall off the water tower all he wants, but when the body he's piloting is operating off of gallons off coffee and loud music it's hard to get a grip on reality.

Soon enough Mrs. Gleeful comes into the picture, and another break is given to Bill. As much as the years that pass by should seem like seconds to him, every second with Ford feels like years.

Bill can only watch from the mindscape as Ford uses the memory gun on Mrs. Gleeful, treating her like some machine that just needs a good reboot.

When Stanley finally confronts Ford, Bill thought he'd finally get a reprieve. Ford would call off the project since he has no materials, and he'd grow bored.

Unfortunately that's very much the opposite. Ford is locked in the bunker and tied to Bill, since he has to fill his end of the deal still. The shapeshifter talks circles around Ford, filling his head with ideas. Ford tortures Bill in his body, sometimes even forgoing pain meds for his eye so Bill can feel the pain.

Bill is forced to still give visions when Ford sleeps, and it only makes him more insane. His ego already growing to new heights as Bill can only watch.

Sometimes he tries to talk to the shapeshifter in the mindscape to get him to kill Ford, but they both know Ford could deal with them in a heartbeat.

When Bill is alone with himself, he thinks of forgoing his identity, changing his name and packing his bags to run off to some far away dimension.

Eventually some kids summon him in 2012. The pines twins.

Art I did of Will. His bowtie is skewed and his hat is still crushed. His cane is more than a prop sometimes. He's also fully blue now. Depressed and irritated with everything.

In the heat of the moment he tells the Mason kid he'll call him Dipper if they call him Will.

The new deal is to get inside of the head of a one Bud Gleeful for the deed to a shack. The same shack Ford had. He knows the twins are probably gonna just take back the shack anyway, but as long as it's not Ford's he doesn't care.

He takes the deal, going through memories and occasionally seeing Mrs. Gleeful. He feels a little bad for the guy, thinking his wife went missing when she's actually in the same town but practically lobotomized.

He almost succeeds, when Gideon and Pacifica steal back the code. The twins call the deal off, and he lets the anger get to him. Years of repressed anger at Ford will do that to ya.

Eventually when it's all over, the twins offer him to make it up to them with a deal. Accompany them to steal back a journal. Hey, if he's away from Ford, he'll take it. Plus they're kids, they probably just need a bodyguard.

They do not need a bodyguard.

I am telling you now, he is NOT a slave like in the original au. That kinda irks me a little, plus the twins are kids so why would they need a slave?

So Will is glorified butler right now. Used as a footrest or something to get drinks. They don't even bother to talk to him like a person.

He had hope in shooting star, seeing as she had a bit more empathy than her brother. But she uses him as a table for arts and crafts or a mannequin for sweaters.

So he's fed up with the pines family. Hell they didn't even tell Stanley! Will has half a mind to torment the guy to free him. He's the one that locked sixer away!

When the events of sock opera arrive, the twins ask him to retrieve the journal from Gideon. In an attempt to get it, he makes a hurried deal for a vessel to let Gideon get the code to a laptop. Seems to be McGucket's by the make of it.

He throws the laptop out of the window, being reminded of Ford after a comment from Gideon about the pines twins.

Luckily Gideon's body is more maintained than Ford, and Will can almost walk down the stairs without tripping!

Gideon pleads with him from the mindscape, saying how much the pines have been a nuisance. They have a talk before going to Pacifica's pageant (I should make a post more in depth about the kids on their own huh 🤷‍♀️)

They come to an agreement about the pines, and he makes a deal with Gideon to help him against them for the future.

He doesn't give the journal to the twins, Mabel and Pacifica fight on stage, Dipper does some backstage tricks. But they make it out okay. Oh also instead of "Bipper" it's Wideon. Widdle Wideon!!! (Very proud of that)

He joins the Gleeful's side after the events of it, sometimes asking Gideon to burn that journal of his.

Anyway!! That's where I'll leave it until the normageddon post. Still gotta get all my refs made and stuff before I can do that. I'm pretty happy with where I have it rn. Leaving Bill a little more in character than just a sad boy who's enslaved.

Thank you so much for your ask!! This was a lot of fun to lay out again!!! 🫶

[angst-and-fajitas]

Pantheon Analysis: Peter Waxman

I've been doing another series rewatch to collect screenshots for art references, and I have come to the conclusion that Peter Waxman is just a really fascinating character who doesn't get enough appreciation. While the main duo are my ultimate favs and Ellen Kim is my 3rd, I think I'd have to put Waxman right after her.

It's personal taste, but I really love when characters are written with intentionally contradictory traits and motivations. It just feels very human, acknowledging the messiness of individuals, how hard it actually is to stick to your guns and figure out what's right. Waxman is a brave coward and an honest liar, and he's a good model of the kind of writing that Pantheon does so well.

Also there's some season 2 spoilers under the cut

He was David's best friend before uploading him, and it seems like he honestly still considers him a friend and still cares about his family, but not enough to let him go free! Not enough to not lie to his grieving widow! And yet he's happy when David escapes the tracking program, and he helps Ellen by bringing him the tracking program. He doesn't bat an eye at deleting the copies of David in s2 ep1. He never has the guts to stand up to Pope, but he still tries to save Maddie.

His motivations for what he did are an interesting puzzle to solve, because he hardly talks about himself. Based on his comments to David when first trying to persuade David to join Logorythms, it seems like he was mainly in it for the science. He never comes across as greedy, he never talks about wanting to live forever, and he wasn't part of the inner-circle-holstrom-cult. He was just dedicated to this UI project, until his morality got slowly boiled to death like a metaphorical frog as he began excusing unethical stuff for the sake of the project.

I love his line to Maddie in the cafeteria at the data center: "We keep you alive to row this ship. Row well, and live", a quote from Ben-Hur. There's possible implication in that offhand comment that he's done a lot of what he's done out of coercion and threat of retaliation. It makes sense that, if he tried to go rogue, Logorythms could easily pin some heinous crimes on him because he did in fact participate in them, and so he stays and digs his own grave deeper just to stay afloat.

And I really like his season 2 growth. He's still kinda spineless a lot of the time, but he's moving in a good direction. He sees the danger Maddie's in and tries to help her by warning Ellen, even if he lies on the witness stand to do it. He tries to help Ellen find Maddie, and their conversations show a lot of self-awareness and inner conflict. He even goes to the CDC to try and stop Holstrom's virus, even though he kinda gives up when they push back. Also that scene in the last episode of season 2 where he's piloting all those robots and drones to fight back against Safesurf was pretty badass tbh. Respect.

Tldr, Peter Waxman is a spineless coward who's lost his morals, who has to slowly work to get them back, and I think he's iconic for that. It's human, and it's messy, and that makes it very compelling.

[goshdangronpa]

any of the warriors of hope because those little buggers have been on my mind for months and they won't leave help

(obvs no sexuality stuff because come on man)

Hi, friend! Any of the Warriors of Hope? How about ... all of them?!

Like-like headcanon: Masaru still thinks liking girls is icky and he's not yet aware that boys can like boys. Jataro believes that cooties are real and the grossest cooties are his own. Kotoko is clearly enthusiastic about girls but will have to really sort some stuff out as she gets older. Nagisa was never the type to think that like-liking someone is gross - he's always wanted to get married. Monaca sees the human heart as just another instrument she can play ... but she'll mellow out if given enough time and care, and then, who knows?

Gender headcanon: Masaru is the boyest boy to ever boy ... which is what I tried to be and look how I turned out lmao. Jataro is cis, but his takes on gender are so galaxy-brained that you wouldn't believe he's not on Tumblr. Kotoko will adopt more androgynous affects over time, exploring cuteness outside of traditional femininity. Nagisa can go on for a long time about his view of his own gender, but if asked to summarize, he'd say he doesn't have one. With little to go on besides my own intuition, I'm surprisingly confident that Monaca is a trans boy.

One ship I have with them: Eh, kinda weird to ship them with anyone since they're little kids. Even Kotoko, who at one point in her boss battle declares that she wants to have children with Monaca, probably doesn't like her as much by the end of UDG. Same with Nagisa, poor guy ... but they've all still got each other.

One BroTP I have with them: Gonna use this section to declare which DR teen they'd get along with (note: I haven't played much of DRS). Masaru would be thrilled by Kazuichi, a neon-haired, shark-toothed, funny-voiced goblin man who builds robots, and Kazuichi would rather embarrassingly treasure the validation from a pretty cool kid. Angie would love love love Jataro, though anyone who knows her will make sure someone else supervises them so that arts-n-crafts playtime doesn't become Baby's Second Cult. I think Sayaka and Kotoko would have a lot that they can talk about together, and I believe she'd do everything she can to nurture and protect the kid. Nekomaru and Akane would be a refreshing pair for Nagisa: they'd focus on training his body rather than his mind, but in a way that's actually healthy and clearly caring. Monaca should probably be kept away from most people for now, but Hajime is uniquely suited to be friendly with her ... so they can wax about Nagito's weirdness together.

One NoTP I have with them: I guess anyone? Since, again, they're little kids?

Random headcanon: When Masaru goes on long walks, he looks for long sticks to carry and will exchange them for even bigger ones he finds along the way. Jataro's reading comprehension is poor, but he can already do basic algebra. Kotoko's never felt safer on a film set than when she played a creepy kid in an R-rated horror movie. Nagisa can take catnaps on command for the same reason soldiers do: they never know when their next chance to catch some sleep could be. Monaca may be the rare person who would become a kinder and gentler human being by joining a school theater program.

General opinion: Suitably creepy in their roles as antagonists to Komaru and Toko, crushingly sympathetic in their motivations, and really fun on their own. The Warriors of Hope are just one reason why I'd urge people to try Ultra Despair Girls, even with all the game's faults (especially the ones related to the WoH themselves). It's incredible that Kotoko can be my favorite for her winning personality despite how tastelessly the writers treat her. Jataro also has one of my favorite character voices in Danganronpa, not referring to the vocal performance (which is great!), but to his almost Dadaist dialogue. Ah, I like 'em all!

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Starved

*materializes into existence*

Hey :D

[beware, this is long]

Idk if you're doing prompts rn (if not, that's okay; remember to take care of yourself). But if you are, may I request some Creativitwins h/c? – oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat [i'm not putting the whole req here just cause she LONG]

Read on Ao3

Warnings: starvation, intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, body horror (sort of), nightmares

Pairings: none

Word Count: 4250

For Remus, tending to the nightmare realm is just another chore. Eldritch monstrosities, terrifying landscapes, that's just how it is.

But when a new destination appears one night as he's going about his rounds, well, he has to stop in to investigate. What he finds is a horrifying town that has an almost cult-like relationship with hunger. One of the Sides, clearly, suffers from a particularly terrible strain of intrusive thoughts, but who?

    "I mean, it just makes sense, really."

Roman snarls, throwing himself against the invisible barrier, but it shimmers mockingly as he's forced to claw and screech in vain, soundless behind its impassable force. On the other side, close enough that he could reach out and touch him—so close, so fucking close—Remus smiles.

"Of course," Logan says softly, reaching out to cup Remus's face as though he's precious, "the Creativity unbound by the shackles of expectation, what else could we hope for?"

"And the passion!" Patton claps his hands, each one making the barrier thunder against Roman's palms. "Where else are we going to find someone with this much drive and motivation?"

"I know, maybe we'll actually see finished products once in a while," Virgil snickers, playfully elbowing Remus in the ribs as a dagger lodges itself in Roman's side.

He howls in pain, still scrabbling at the wall, but it's no use; Remus isn't even looking at him anymore, no one is, they're all too focused on each other, on how perfect Remus fits in now that they're stopping to look at it, and that's what he wants, that's good, he missed his brother so much, he wants him back, he wants him back, he just wants—he wants—

But he's a fool, and he didn't specify that he's selfish enough to want to keep both things.

And now, as he watches Remus pulled into Patton's arms, as he watches Logan smile gently and ruffle his hair, as he watches Virgil grin and rub his hands together gleefully, as he watches Janus turn to look at him—

Janus stares at him through the barrier, a smirk playing on his lips. But it's not a cruel smirk, not a malicious smile, it's the crooked smile every hero has just as they deliver the last quip of the movie.

"Oh, Roman," he whispers, even as his words ring in Roman's ears, "thank god you don't have a mustache."

Roman wakes up.

He's shaking. He's burning under the sheet. He's panting like he's run for his life. He's frozen. He can't move. Why should he move? The barrier will stop him. Wait, no, that's when he's asleep. He's not asleep anymore. He's not, is he? He's so cold. He's so hot. He's so scared.

God, he's so scared.

But why is he so scared? Is it the fact that Remus was accepted? How awful is he, to be scared of that? To be scared that if they find out how wonderful Remus truly is—and he is, Remus is so, so, so wonderful, he is and Roman loves him—that they'll want to keep Remus and get rid of him? That's awful of him! He's not supposed to be scared of his brother being accepted, he's supposed to look forward to it! He's not—he's not—

He's crying, isn't he? That's why he's still shaking. He's scared. He's scared and he's awful and he's crying, why is he crying? What right does he have to cry? Crying is for people who are hurting and deserve comfort. What comfort does he deserve? Because his Imagination conjured up some horrifying reality for him, so horrifying that he got to watch his brother finally get the love and acceptance he deserves and the natural consequences of it? What right does he have to demand comfort after that? He doesn't. He should stop crying. He should stop. Right now.

Oh, god, he can't stop crying.

He's still hurting. His chest is still burning. Why can't he breathe properly? This is stupid; if he's going to be as selfish and needy as he is, he should at least be breathing properly. He can't pretend to be anything other than helpless, can he, that he would steal the air from others' lungs and then not have the decency to breathe it properly? How cruel of him. How unjust of him. How awful he must be.

He should be locked behind a barrier. He should be pushed far away from everyone else. Then he couldn't hurt them. Then his hurt would only hurt him. Then he could be as messy and needy and selfish as he had to be and he would only cause himself pain. That was right. That was better. He should—he should have—should he have realized this years ago? How awful he is, how much he deserves to be put behind a barrier?

The room is closing in. The walls are getting closer. His bed is shrinking. The blankets are pressing him down into the floor, he can't breathe, he can't breathe, he can't breathe—

He can't hear anything. Oh, god, has it happened already? No, no, he wasn't ready—he was just thinking about it, that didn't mean he wanted to go right now—no, he wants one last chance to say goodbye, he's sorry, he's sorry, he's so sorry—

It's so cold.

It's so cold.

***

    Remus whistles under his breath as he steers the little rudder on the wooden dinghy, around the desecrated shell of some great eldritch beast. He gives the scale an absentminded pat as he drifts by, resolving to come back and check on it later. Perusing his nightmare gallery never did get old, but as far as dreams went, there were certainly better ones to be had. After all, hardly anyone wants to go to work as soon as they fall asleep.

"Win some, lose some," he remarks to the bear cub sitting in the bottom of the boat next to him. The bear cub growls low in its throat and gnaws on a spare bone. "Atta boy."

As he turns to go back towards the mainland, he catches sight of something rising up out of the water to his left. Looking over, he blinks in surprise to see a skeletal forest framing a new mouth of the river, long and jagged shadows reaching out over the water's surface. Frowning, he steers the boat over there, watching as the trees coalesce to form the silhouette of a starving bear. His bear cub lets out a low snuffling noise and shifts closer to his leg. He rubs its head and frowns as they drift under the bear's snarling mouth.

"Do you know what this is?" The bear cub huffs. "Huh. Me neither."

Surprisingly enough, the river ends at a seemingly normal dock. Well, normal for everyone else, in here, that's a little strange. Crowds mill about, each talking gruffly to their immediate neighbor, and someone throws Remus a small rope to tie off his dinghy. He does, the bear cub lingering close to his heels as he starts to walk into the town. Thankfully, he's not in his costume, but a set of plainclothes that he quickly shuffles around to hide the eldritch goo.

The air swirls with a strange miasma, not quite visible enough to put his finger on, but—there's something here. A feeling, almost, a terrible energy that permeates everything he can see. Most wear some sort of face covering, a scarf pulled up over their mouths, or hats worn so low he can only see glimpses of their chin. Those that don't are haggard, bone-weary, with eyes sunken and pulsating deep within their sockets. He can see what should be market stalls hanging their striped banners, but nothing looks to be on sale.

"Good thinking," he hears a raspy voice to his side, and he turns to see a crew of urchins smirking and huffing at him, "having a cub for you, or you for the cub."

His cub—he looks down to see where the cub should've been only to see it's wandered off, sniffing at something, and now whining and growling as a group of long-fingered strangers inch towards it, their mouths open. He whistles sharply and the cub turns tail and runs back to him, gnawing gently on his pants leg.

"Stay close," he bids under his breath as they keep walking, "I don't know what's going on here."

He keeps walking. The bustling streets fade quickly into tiny alleyways, each blocked off by a different makeshift wall that looks like it's designed to be lifted back and forth, a strange gate of sorts. Big, bulky things, the kind that would take at least two strong people to lift. He glances around at the twig-thin limbs and skeletal muscles he can see of the few people that aren't wearing big coats and proper clothes. As he nears one, he frowns. It's made of what looks to be old hide, bound and lashed together with something, but what could possibly be—

A low moaning and the murmur of a crowd.

He turns again, his cub at his side, looking for the source of the commotion. Down the main street a ways, at the mouth of presumably another alley, he sees a group of people peering at something. With one hand tangled in the fur at the cub's neck, he walks over and shoulders his way in to see what's so fascinating.

His eyes widen.

An old man, an old man, who looks barely alive save for the hysterical zeal in his eyes, is hobbling after something rolling along the ground. Every time he's about to pick it up, one of the men in some sort of uniform comes up and kicks it further away from him. The thing rolls through all manner of filth and still the old man hobbles after it. A sick sort of fascination takes hold of Remus's stomach—he should put a stop to this, shouldn't he?—but he finds himself paralyzed, only able to hold his bear cub close.

As the man continues to hobble, he lets go of his cloak. His ribs stand out starkly, each vertebra of his spine clearly visible, and someone in the crowd quickly snatches it up, hoarding it to their chest as a few squabble for it until the uniformed man barks at them to settle down. The man hobbles on, undeterred.

Another shadow lengthens on the ground.

Remus is one of the few that turn to look.

Another man, tall and whip-thin, with an ashen-gray face and monstrous dignity, walks slowly after the pair. His coat, fasted together with large gold buttons down the length of him, flutters in the breeze as though he would blow away at any moment. His hands, the same ashen color as his face, clasp in front of him. A gold signet ring gleams from his finger.

Who, Remus thinks as he clutches the bear cub, who has the sense to be utterly silent, the fuck do you think you are?

"Do you see," the man whispers, his voice picking through the crowd as a centipede picks through the undergrowth on the forest floor, "how desperate we become if we are slaves to our hunger?"

The man in uniform kicks the thing through a puddle that Remus is going to believe is water. The older man still hobbles after it.

"How low our standards become, how quickly we become nothing but beasts, savage and primitive? And how unhappy we are…" The gold signet ring catches another flash of light. "And we are never sated once we give into the need to feed."

The old man finally catches the thing. It drips and cracks with who knows what and still he shoves it in his mouth as though it were the finest feast in all the land. As the crumbs and sludge drip down his face, Remus realizes that it once might have passed for bread.

"And look," says the man as the old figure lets out a howl of despair, "it is never worth the price it takes to feed it."

For even that short hobble seems to have sapped the last of the life force from the old man's wheezing lungs and he keels over right there, still moaning and twitching as the bread rolls limply away from his hands. The uniformed man stands over the corpse and raises a whistle to his lips.

"We are the masters of our own hunger," drones that fucking whisper as many-limbed shadows materialize from the other end of the alley, "until it becomes master of us."

The crowd turns away in shocked horror as the spider-shadow-demon beasts fall upon the corpse. Remus watches the man impassively observing it, idly toying with that fucking golden ring. Then, as if Remus were invisible, he turns and walks back into the crowd, the beasts scuttling after him.

"So," Remus murmurs to the bear cub who was thankfully too short to see any of that, "that was fucking weird."

This isn't one of his. Obviously, because then he would've known what the fuck to expect. As it stands, he can only drift to a somewhat abandoned corner and stare around, trying to discern who this might belong to.

Hunger, that was clearly a theme here. Starvation, almost, given how little food there seems to be and how everyone keeps looking at his bear cub. But a culturally enforced starvation, given by the weird cult vibes of the creepy dude with the ring—a religious figure, maybe? And some nonsense about being masters of hunger, so clearly there was prestige given to being hungry but not giving into it. Those who outwardly expressed their hunger being shamed—well, shamed and humiliated and executed for it.

The bear cub whimpers and Remus crouches down, letting it snuffle into his neck as he strokes its shoulder. A cart drives by with a fancy-looking crest on one side and he squints to make out 'By the Grace of N. Schaumburg' as it passes.

"That must be creepy dude," he murmurs as the bear cub growls, "yeah? What do we think, who's hungry?"

He looks around again. Despite the fact that it's pretty mild weather, everyone's bundled up as though it were the dead of winter. Those that don't wear thick heavy coats huddle together, shivering, mindless mumbling coming from the groups. If he listens closely enough, he can just make out the words, but they don't make any sense.

The bear cub whuffs and tugs on his sleeve.

"What?"

The cub sniffs at a piece of paper blown closer to them. Remus picks it up. It's a pamphlet of some sort with the same crest, announcing an earlier enforced curfew. On the back is a short verse.

Selfishly feed and forever go hungry.

Free and unshackled by hunger are we.

Feeding the beast is an endless task.

Embrace the hunger and be free at last.

"Free from what," Remus whispers to the cub as he finishes reading, "having a body with needs?"

The cub just whines. Remus rubs its head and pockets the pamphlet, standing up slowly and looking around. Okay, so definitely shame associated with needing to feed, something about trying and failing to sate the hunger only leading to it growing, okay…definitely more guilt flying around here than he'd like but they were raised Catholic, so that's not completely unbelievable…

"You there." The uniformed man from before jerks his head at the cub. "What's with the animal?"

"'S my emotional support bear."

The man frowns. "Your what?"

"Nasty business," Remus says instead, nodding toward where the corpse used to be, "does that happen often in this part of town?"

"Not as often as it used to, population's getting better. Since Schaumburg came out with the pills instead of the rations it's been easier to keep the worst of them down." The man glances behind him. "Still. There'll always be a few of them."

"Is that why the new curfew's been enacted?"

"Well, it always gets worse at night, you know. That's when all the rational thought leaves these people and they start scrabbling about for something to feed on. Makes it easier to manage if they're all already indoors, you see."

Okay, so something about not being around others at night, okay, who do we know that's been skipping out of things lately?

"And I've never seen him around either," Remus says, lowering his voice a bit as he nods toward the direction that creepy dude went off in, "is that normal around here too?"

"Oh, Schaumburg doesn't normally come out—" bingo— "but with all the panic about that cold front last night, well…I guess he thought it was necessary."

Cold front last night, cold front last night…what happened last night?

It was movie night last night. Did someone get freaked out by the movie? But it was The Sea Beast, it had cleared everyone's trigger list, everyone had enjoyed it, was that the problem? Or was it something else?

"Now, you seem like a nice enough man—" Remus tries not to take offense, this seems like a good thing in this case— "so I'll just let you off with a word to the wise: get that bear of yours registered with an approved tag or someone's liable to tear it apart, you hear?"

Remus just nods as the official turns away. He looks down at his cub, who's all but cuddling his leg, and glances around.

Several people hug their cloaks or bags close to their chests. A few more stand so close their arms are near around each other as the carts and wagons drive by. A parent tucks their child into a fold of their coat. He remembers the feeling of being snuggled on the couch and how cold it had been when he got up to get a drink. He pulls out the pamphlet and looks closely at the crest, fingers tracing an upside-down crown with teeth mangling the metal.

As if on cue, he hears Roman scream.

***

    Virgil huffs, turning over in bed. Remus must be busy tonight; his mouth's been filled with bitter-tasting grossness all evening. Every now and again he gets this awful roaring emptiness in his stomach and he just wants to sleep. He's almost ready to storm down there and tell him to knock whatever he's doing off, it can wait until tomorrow, when he suddenly hears someone scream.

That's…not what Remus's screams sound like.

***

    Remus shakes himself awake, grabs his trusty teddy bear, and sinks right into Roman's room. Immediately he's prying Roman's hands away from his face, letting out these soothing little noises and trying to get his attention.

"Hey, hey, Roro, shh, shh, it's okay, c'mere." Roman gasps and shakes and Remus leans in to kiss his forehead. "Hey, hey, c'mon, Ro-Bro, it's just me. It's just me, hey, can you look at me?"

"Re?"

"Yeah, Roro, it's just me, it's just me. Hey, you're doing so good, can you listen to my voice? Just listen to me, I'm right here, we're in your room, we're safe, you're safe, we're all okay." He nudges the teddy bear into Roman's lap and nuzzles it under Roman's chin. "See? All good."

Roman's hands are shaking and in the distance, Remus hears the echo of Schaumburg's voice. He growls and reaches out, taking Roman's hands and looping them around his neck, pulling his brother into a cuddle.

"Hey, Roro, you stay right here with me. Can you do that? Can you hold onto me?"

"It's so cold, Re—it's so—so cold—"

"Shh, it's okay, you can be warm now. I'm warm, right?"

"You're so warm—how are you so warm—"

"Come steal all my warmth, okay? Come steal all of it, it's all for you, I'm gonna give it to you." Remus tucks Roman's head under his chin and rocks him slightly back and forth. "There, there you go, shh, shh, it's okay, Roro."

"I'm sorry," Roman gasps out and Remus's chest aches, "I'm sorry, I'm awful, I'm so sorry!"

"You're not awful, Roro. Nope, no disagreeing," he says softly as Roman opens his mouth to protest, "you're not awful. You had a really fucked up nightmare and your intrusive thoughts are way too loud but you're not awful."

Roman freezes. "You—you saw it?"

"I didn't see your nightmare, no, but I—your intrusive thoughts made a place in my nightmare realm and I saw that."

"I'm so sorry—"

"Hey," Remus murmurs, pulling him back enough to cup his face and make him look at his eyes, "don't apologize for the shit your brain does, okay? You're safe here with me. I'm gonna be right here, okay? I got you."

To his dismay, Roman's lower lip trembles and big tears bubble at the corners of his eyes again. "B-but I—"

"Roman?" That's Virgil's voice, why the fuck is he—oh, right, panic. "Princey?"

"Hey, shh," Remus soothes as Roman tries to hide in the lea of him, "hey, it's okay. I won't let him hurt you."

"Remus? Is that you?"

"Yeah. What do you want?"

"I heard the scream, I've been feeling his panic—look, I don't wanna shout through the door, can I come in?"

"Can he?" Roman takes a little too long to nod but he does. "Yeah, Virgil, get in here."

Virgil slips through the door and takes one look at Remus hovering protectively over his brother and immediately changes into the softest hoodie and sweatpants he has. He crouches down so it's easier for Roman to look at him and his voice drops to a low rumble.

"Hey, Princey," he says gently as Roman turns to look at him, "seems like you're having a real rough time right now, can I come help?"

"S-sorry."

"It's okay, bud, I'm not mad. You're gonna be okay. I just wanna help."

"I won't let him hurt you," Remus whispers, rubbing his back, "you're safe here."

It takes another long moment, but Roman slowly reaches out a hand and Virgil takes it, letting Roman draw him onto the bed. He joins Remus in rubbing up and down Roman's back, gently carding his fingers through his hair.

"Hey, Princey," he murmurs, still speaking softly, "you have a bad dream? Yeah? You wanna talk about it?"

Roman shakes his head.

"Can I ask Remus what's going on? Yeah? Thanks, bud."

Remus sighs, letting Roman cuddle into him. "He's not been having a good time recently, what with…everything going on. I think Patton and Janus blowing up about selfish stuff got into his head and Logan's whole…deal about rising above what he calls 'base' needs isn't helping."

"…yeah, shit, that sounds—that's not great."

"And, you know, being insulted and belittled every time he opens his mouth isn't helping either," Remus adds, glaring at Virgil as he winces.

"I know. I—fuck."

"Yeah. So be really fucking careful right now."

"Hey, Roman," Virgil calls softly, giving Roman the gentlest shake to get his attention, "hey, Princey, can you look at me for a second?"

Roman's head peeks out and Virgil smiles, reaching out to wipe a tear from his cheek.

"Hey, there, bud. You're okay. Was what Remus said right, are you—is shit a little too much right now?" Roman nods. "You want some reassurance, or do you just want us to be here?"

"'M sorry," Roman mumbles, "'m not—'m not trying to be needy."

"You're not being needy, Princey, you're upset and you want to be comforted. That's not needy."

"Or selfish either," Remus says when fucking Schaumburg starts whispering again, "you're allowed to want things and have them. That's not something to be ashamed of or feel guilty for."

"Shit," he hears Virgil mutter under his breath before there's another set of arms around Roman, "no, Princey, you're not bad for wanting things. Is this—I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. I shouldn't have left you alone for movie night last night either."

Right. Right, everyone else had cuddled up on the couch and Roman had arrived later when there was no room—fuck, Roro, I'm so sorry.

"It's okay, bud, you're okay. You're okay, you're safe, we're not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry," Roman cries out, hiding his face in the teddy bear, "I'm not—I'm trying, I'm trying, but it's so cold, I'm sorry—"

"Don't be sorry for wanting," Remus scolds lightly, glancing at Virgil who nods and starts gathering the blankets, "you're allowed to want things. And you just had a nightmare, that's an automatic you-get-cuddles-now. We can figure everything else out tomorrow, okay?"

Finally, finally Roman sniffles and looks up at both of them. "You guys really don't mind?"

"Nope!"

"Nah," Virgil says, ruffling his hair, "come cuddle, Princey."

As they all start to get ready to fall back asleep, Remus makes eye contact with Virgil. Virgil nods as Roman starts to doze—poor Roro, he must be so tired—and they close their eyes together.

***

    Remus's bear cub growls lightly at Virgil as they reappear in the abandoned corner, but he pats its head. "He's a friend, it's okay."

"Yeesh," Virgil mutters, looking around, "this whole place feels like panic attack, is it always like this?"

"Roman's just really not having a good time right now. Just be glad you weren't here earlier."

"You know what, I'm not even gonna ask." Virgil takes a deep breath and tugs a little on his jacket, glancing around. "So! What's the plan?"

"I'm feeling like some anti-government arson and a side of political assassination, how about you?"

"Let's go start a riot."

The bear cub growls, swelling and growing until it's the size of a nearby wagon and Remus grins.

We gotcha, Roro. Sweet dreams.

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[hollow-keys]

I'm reading New Teen Titans and I finally got to the part that Joey's in (three cheers everybody!) and I have thoughts/feelings on how they treat him as a disabled character.

What really sticks out for me is how little he gets to define himself or choose his own path.

Marv Wolfman had a strict policy of not letting him have any thought bubbles and only showed his thoughts through narration. All the other characters have thought bubbles, but he doesn't and I can only assume it's because he's mute.

His thoughts are always shown via narration which keeps a level of separation between us and the character. Like this:

[Tales of the Teen Titans #45]

And Wolfman knows how important thought boxes are with other characters:

[New Teen Titans (1984) #13]

He's not allowed to actually explore and resolve his personal conflicts and he rarely gets to disagree or have his own ideas. He's usually going along with what everyone else wants.

He's introduced going along with what his mother wants. She describes him, she introduces him. She's not acting as an interpreter either, she's talking over him. The narrative isn't self aware about how he's treated, it just is. She talks, she acts, she has her motivations explained. His muteness is her motivation for revenge. Joey is just an extension of her, not allowed to define himself or his motives.

He was then run out of the Titans because they thought he was a traitor. Does he get to confront them about it? No.

He ends up on a mission with his mother where she tries to get him to kill someone who tortured her and he refuses. Then he chooses to save an art collection rather than capture him. And yes it's nice to get these character moments, but where's the confrontation + resolution between him and his mother? It's up in the air.

During the trial of Deathstroke he's the only Titan who's not present because he's being questioned by Interpol. This should be an important moment for him but he's not there.

And when the Trigon fight's over, Jericho is in hospital while all the others (including Lilith and Terry, who's literally not even a hero) get to have the post Trigon "talk about our feelings" chat but he doesn't. They don't hold the chat in the hospital or wait for him to recover. He's just left behind.

We're shown his insecurity over his masculinity, how his parents tried to force him to be like them and made him feel ashamed for not being manly enough, but he doesn't get to reach a resolution. He doesn't get to have his "what my parents said and did was wrong" moment. It's in the air. Things kind of just happen to him.

He's also framed as fundamentally pure, rarely getting to be angry and never hateful like literally every other character gets to be.

[Tales of the Teen Titans #44]

Ironically, this is a very condescending way of speaking about him, but we are meant to take her word as true. No one on earth has never had a condescending thought, to separate him from those very human feelings and to treat him like he's pure is to dehumanise him.

He's a pacifist who doesn't care for violence but was forced to train for it against his will. Literally, why are you a hero if you didn't even want to learn how to fight? What changed for you? How do you reconcile your distaste for violence with your violence? There's no answer. His opinion doesn't matter. His mother wants him to fight, so he does.

The conflict between Cyborg and his dad who wanted him to be a scientist while he wanted to be an athlete is shown. They do fight over it and there is a resolution.

The conflict between Raven, her cults strict pacifism, her preference for non violence and the violence she commits is shown. She is conflicted, always musing over it and we get to hear her thoughts about it from her.

Jericho, however, is put in these conflicts without genuine exploration. There's no catharsis, there's no resolution. It just is. He just is.

He doesn't get to be angry at his mum, dad or genuinely argue with his fellow titans. He doesn't get to mess up and be emotional. Every other character gets this. Not him.

Like yes, he does have his moments sometimes but there's a huge disparity between him and other characters.

This all plays into tropes about disabled people. The idea disabled people either have to be beacons of perfection who inspire everyone else to be better or are discarded as needlessly bitter and angry, with this either being an explanation for their evil if they're a villain (Komand'r), or a flaw they need to get over if they're a hero (Cyborg). The idea that disabled people cannot make their own choices or have autonomy over their own destinies. The idea that disabled people have less of an internal life and aren't as complex as abled people.

Let Joey be a three dimensional person with complex motivations who is angry and hateful sometimes. Who gets to actually confront people, add to the conversation and have his own thoughts.

[constelationprize]

Okay so I wasn't going to post about this because there is a kind of person I don't want to attract to this blog and I have so blessedly few followers it might not even matter but. It's been driving me insane for days.

You guys know we can't hold people accountable on information they don't know, right?

I've seen this said in two contexts: Kevin and Thea (and the other Ravens) in regards to Jean, and Nicky and Aaron in regards to Andrew.

I won't elaborate much on Jean because TSC2 is yet to be released and I expect this to be expanded upon there, but I'm going to point out a few things: there is no proof that the Ravens at large knew exactly how old Jean was (I do not personally looked that different between 16 and 18), which is a shit excuse, but is compounded by: the Ravens are a cult with a dog-eat-dog mentality. No one there had the time or the will to think "well let's consider the ethics of this situation" because they were all locked in the fucking Torment Nexus. Riko deliberately packaged Jean and the circumstances of his SA so that it would further alienate him from the rest of the team. He was offered to them as a scapegoat and even if a single person there thought the situation looked iffy, they were not in an environment that allowed people in power to be questioned, and so no one was going to look their captain and head coach in the eye and say "hmm actually Mister Moriyama I think you're wrong". They accepted the version of events that Riko and the defensemen he picked told because they were the loudest voices and because an easy lie is so much better to hear than an ugly truth. Yes they are complicit for not seeing the red flags and cowards for not standing up if they did, this does not mean that their actions were senseless or purely out of some inherent moral cruelty.

But most of all: none of them saw a need to defend Jean because JEAN never defended HIMSELF. And yes, WE THE AUDIENCE know why that was, but you cannot expect everyone to. Jeremy knew, because he was outside of the situation and already looking for signs of abuse in Jean.

So, while I don't LOVE how Thea seems to have reacted to Jean's assault, I understand why she did it. (And if Nora hadn't been bullied off of writing her, I would have loved to see her come to terms with how she played a part in the abuse of someone she clearly cares about). As for Kevin, Jean himself says he did his best to not let him know the full truth of the situation, and for other reasons I have my theories, but I will just sit back and let TSC2 prove me right on this one.

Now, about Andrew. It fucking baffles me how anyone can interpret Nicky and Aaron as deliberately malicious toward Andrew for no reason when they have made sacrifices to stand by his side for no reward at all.

Aaron's first contact with Andrew is a hopeful letter he wrote as an abused child longing for love and connection, which Andrew just threw back in his face. When Andrew is in juvie, Aaron tries AGAIN, even though he had no reason to believe it would work, and for all intents and purposes it looks like it doesn't change a thing when Andrew moves in with him! He is cold and cruel and distant and he kills Aaron's mother and buys a sports car with the life insurance money. Can you really blame Aaron for believing Andrew's motives are petty when Andrew himself goes out of his way to pretend they are? He bought a car. With the life insurance. Of the woman he murdered in a car accident.

What is more likely: that the brother with a history of violence who has pushed you away at every try killed your mother as revenge for her abandoning him? Or that he did it to be the first person to ever keep a promise to protect you?

And even after that, when Aaron truly believes that Andrew does not and cannot care about him, he makes a second deal to keep Andrew in his life. And then renovates it through college. He can't hold a single conversation with Andrew and he still won't let him go. Aaron reaches for Andrew in the only form he knows that Andrew will reach back even as he tells himself that it's for nothing.

I won't even talk about Nicky because that man left his only chance at happiness behind in a heartbeat to care for two teenagers who were all but strangers to him just because he (correctly) believed no one else would.

It's so crazy to look at this story, a tragedy about how the Minyard-Hemmick children were so systematically failed by the adults in their lives that they were subjected to horrible abuse, and the consequences of that made it so they had incompatible coping methods that stood in the way of them being capable of understanding each other, and those misunderstandings only drove them apart even as they were holding onto each other for dear life, and ask: Oh but why didn't they notice Andrew's trauma? :(

Bitch they tried!!!!! But at the point that Andrew even met Aaron and Nicky, he was past believing that the truth would make a difference, so he didn't even try to tell them; rather, as Nicky says multiple times, he did his best to push them away and make them believe there was nothing behind his attitude other than cruelty. And they still stood by him ANYWAY. Not even Neil, who has more context than both of them, figures out the truth of what Andrew went though until the literal last minute. Because Andrew, and repeat this with me, didn't want them to know, and they were not fucking mind readers.

It is so naive to believe that every single person who struggles does so openly; or even that if they do, that they'll accept help just because you, who Knows and Fixes everything, offered it. Be so for real. If there is one thing AFTG does well is portray realistic trauma responses and how people from the outside perceive them. Try to learn something from that, or if you don't want to, at least try not to publicly put your foot in your mouth so much.