#he doesn't coddle Astarion because Astarion doesn't need that

[brackenfrond]

Sometimes I do think about how things are going to go in my BG3/DA fic. Future things, but crucial things.

For example:

Carver wakes up to Astarion's fangs nearly at his neck and manages to push him off. Astarion doesn't stand in this scenario, he stays on the ground, eyes wide and scared as he stares up at Carver, attempting to babble off some excuse. Carver pinches the bridge of his nose.

'OK, for a second, imagine I'm really stupid.'

'Not that hard, considering.' The words come out instinctively, an echo of their usual banter.

'Astarion.' Carver's voice is harsh, harsher than he means it to be, and he's bigger than Astarion, stronger and he's angry.

Astarion flinches, arms coming up instinctively to protect his head, but it won't matter. Everyone hurts him, flays flesh from his bones, starves him, buries him alive. Hands over his head won't stop the pain if they want it.

And Carver freezes, piecing together things remarkably quickly.

Carver, who tries to be kind and considerate and is so very soft, suddenly wants to kill someone.

[daybrightsims]

Alright, they've lived in my brain too long; Time to air out my thoughts about the polyamory in BG3

To give a little context: I am currently ethically non-monogamous with my primary partner of almost 7 years. I am not a monolith of thought when it comes to polyamory/ENM/open relationships. These are my own personal thoughts and feelings. I've also completed the game with Astarion and Halsin romanced. Spoilers ahead, read at your own risk.

TL;DR - I don't share the current opinion of whether or not Astarion is okay with Tav pursuing Halsin and the discourse around his agency and choices in the relationship are bumming me out and frustrating me.

I am getting increasingly frustrated about the conversation about Astarion being polyamorous/okay with Tav being with Halsin in the game, primarily because I think a lot of the "think pieces" are coming from 1) monogamous people who have only ever been monogamous, 2) monogamous people who have been burned/cheated on/forced into polyamory by a partner (I feel for ya'll, that wasn't okay), 3) people who are very VERY protective of Astarion, and 4) people who are blatantly uncomfortable with polyamory. My goal is not to invalidate anyone's experiences, but to share an alternate perspective.

I do think that Astarion is not only okay, but happy with Tav dating Halsin. I glean this from how he responds to being poly with ANY OTHER companion. If you ask him to share with literally anyone else, he will say no and give his reason.

Gale: He doesn’t want to be in a love triangle (which with Gale, it would be).

Lae’zel: He’s uncomfortable and Lae’zel would kill him (also true).

Wyll: He knows Wyll is old fashioned and monogamous.

Karlach: He knows Karlach’s feelings for you are strong and he doesn’t want to stand in the way of that (he even says he’d be cool with an arrangement but knows Karlach will need all of your affection based on what she’s been through).

Shadowheart: He would be cool IF Shadowheart had more experience and ya’ll were together longer. But he knows Shadowheart is fragile in her current state.

Minthara: He REALLY doesn’t like this idea and will dump you immediately.

I did also see that ***SPOILER*** they updated or are updating some of the spawn Astarion language to have issues with your affair with Mizora should you pursue it, and it requires a persuasion/deception role to keep you two together.

Up to this point in your relationship with Astarion, he has become more comfortable voicing his opinions and concerns with you. He is learning to value his autonomy and his non-physical relationships. He will tell you when he doesn’t want to do something. In fact, he’ll break up with you over pushing his boundaries. He is fine with you pursuing the Drow twins and fine with you sleeping with Haarlep, even comforts you when Haarlep uses your form. So when he says he is okay with you pursuing Halsin, he means it. Yes, he voices his insecurity with you that you may be pursuing Halsin because you and he haven’t had sex in a while. But he acknowledges that Halsin has experience in this arrangement and doesn’t pose a threat to your relationship. Plus, if you kiss Halsin in front of him, he’ll say “don’t mind me, I’m just enjoying the show.”

To me, the idea that this is the ONE thing that Astarion doesn't have agency over in an arc of showing he can speak up for himself is you sleeping with Halsin is an idea that takes more agency from Astarion. He is a grown man. A 240 YEAR OLD man. That trauma he's endured does not mean he needs to be babied or coddled because he can't make his own choices. I think that's an unfair assumption to put on him that Halsin and Tav being together is the ONLY thing he can't enforce his boundaries on.

If he didn't want you to be with Halsin, he would say no like every other monogamous character in the game.

If you want a good example of someone saying yes just because they want to keep you, look at Karlach. You can tell she is HEARTBROKEN when you ask her, but she says “I don’t want to lose you”. That is not an enthusiastic participant in a polyamorous relationship. Astarion says “yeah, go for it! Just give me some reassurance”. Polyamory is not immune to insecurity. I've asked for reassurance in my own relationships and so has my primary partner. That’s not unenthusiastic. That’s realistic as shit. If you ask him about the relationship after you finish his questline, he doesn’t need reassurance because you’re having sex again. That’s also super realistic.

Am I sensitive to this as someone who practices ENM? Almost certainly. It's hard to see a lifestyle I live be villainized and claimed to be "forced" onto characters. I was actually really excited that I could pursue both Astarion and Halsin, and that Halsin places so much importance on consent and not misleading your partner. And it sucks SOO much to see one of my favorite characters be reduced to "oh, he's only doing it because he's afraid to lose Tav." It makes me almost feel bad for liking the interactions between them and enjoying to option. Do I think people mean to make me or other poly people feel bad? No.

But it does.

Headcanons are headcanons. I get it. People are absolutely allowed to interpret the poly aspect of BG3 how they want to. People are allowed to feel uncomfy with how it's portrayed and not pursue it. But it still bums a queer ENM Astarion and Halsin lover out.

Now excuse me whilst I live out my Astarion x Halsin x Tav polycule fantasies in the form of fanfiction.

[webshooterrr9]

Take Care

Act Two Astarion x gn!reader

just fluff and angst if you squint, no smut

Sigh. "You don't have to do this, darling. I'm not some sort of child in need of coddling."

Despite his standoffish tone, Astarion makes no attempt to move away as you tend to the cuts on his arm. It had been a long day of adventuring, and your party most unfortunately ran into a horde of goblins on your way back to camp for the knight. Being stronger after a recent feed, Astarion fought most of them - giving him the most injuries.

You're being far too gentle. He watches closely in the dim lantern light as you wet the rag for cleaning. A part of him wishes you'd just hurt him instead. He knows how to deal with pain. He doesn't know how to deal with this.

Whatever this is, his mind tells him it needs to stop. Stop before he starts to care. He doesn't want to care about you. If he does, you'll be another thing for Cazador to use against him when the time comes.

He can't have that.

"Oh, shut up." you wave a dismissive hand before resuming your cleaning, gently wiping away the dirt and grime from his wounds. You sat comfortably in his lap as you worked. Another form of intimacy he was unsure about.

"I've received worse and lived, love. I'll be alright without your babying."

He would never admit it, but Astarion almost... enjoyed the way you so carefully tended to him. But it felt wrong. Why would you do this? It wasn't like his life was on the line, the goblins only inflicted minor injuries.

"I know you have, I've seen the poem that... he carved into your back. You showed me, remember?"

Astarion winces at the memory, and you feel sort of bad for bringing it up. But he just rolls his eyes, covering up the discomfort with a scoff.

That wretched devil. That evil, evil man.

"We're still travel companions, so I want to help you. Regardless of how minor it is." you continue, speaking slowly as you bandage up the cuts.

"Because I'm incapable?" there's a bite to his voice, one that he didn't mean to be there. But he couldn't help it. This was so... odd. "I managed to take care of myself just fine before you came along."

You look up at him, almost with a glare at his accusation. "I never said you were incapable, 'Starion. But you have to let others help you once in a while."

Gods, he hated it. He hated how caring you were, how sweetly you spoke to him, even when he was rude. How fondly you pictured him in your mind, even when he had done nothing but manipulate you so far.

How could you he so naive? He was obviously using you. And yet, you seemed to care about him, which pissed him off more.

He doesn't deserve someone as tender as you. As kind and caring.

Astarions grits his teeth as he speaks. "I don't have to let you do anything. I don't deserve that."

Why did he say that? How stupid of him so seem so vulnerable around you. And why does he want to curl up against you and let it all out? Why does he want you to wrap him up in your arms and whisper into his hair and tell him everything is going to be okay?

What is wrong with him?

You wrap up his cut tightly, giving him a glare. "You're wrong." you replied, short and direct. Your stare made it clear that this wasn't up for debate.

"You deserve just as much as everyone else. If not more, given what you've been through."

Astarion glares right back. If there was one thing he could do, it was argue. "You know nothing about me. I barely even told you half of it."

You don't know why he has to be so stubborn about this. Maybe it's his nature. Or maybe he's just too much of a coward to admit that he's actually starting to develop feelings for you. Astarion doesn't know which.

"I'm objectively the worst person on this team. You should be helping the others. Lae'zel got all scratched up too, you know."

"They've got each other." you argue back, just as stubborn as the elf. "But you, you've closed yourself off from everyone. Shut them out."

"If I don't take care of you, no one will. The Hells know that you wouldn't take care of yourself, either. You're too self-loathing for that."

When the hell did you become so perceptive? How in the world did you come to that conclusion? He wasn't self hating, he was just telling the truth. He was awful, evil. He knew it to be true.

...

Shit. Maybe you were right.

"Fine. Maybe your words have some truth in them." he sighs, not daring to look you in the eyes as he admits it. "You're right. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Damn it. Now he wants to hug you. The feeling he's been trying to avoid the entire time is bubbling up, threatening to engulf him.

Does it make him weak to want to be coddled and comforted by you? Would it make him just as pathetic as he was under Cazador's thumb? Would allowing himself this pampering, this affection, be nothing more than something to regret?

"I'm always right." you scoff. "You'd have picked up on that by now if you weren't so aloof."

You slide off of his lap once you're done bandaging, giving him some space. But you don't leave his tent.

You stay there, sitting in front of him, as a silent show of solidarity. "I'm not going anywhere. No matter how much you try to push me away."

The urge to pull you close and never let you go is overwhelming him. Astarion's not sure if he can trust himself to resist it.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks quietly, lowering his head a bit shamefully. "Why are you so insistent on helping me? I'm not worth it."

"Because you are worth it. And I won't stop until you believe it."

"I will not allow you to fall into tragedy when you can be so much more than that. I've seen your potential - on the battlefield and in camp. I refuse to let you waste your life in solitude."

Astarion wants to believe you. Desperately.

The evidence is staring him right in the face: the way that you care for him, how he feels secure in your presence.

But if he believes you, he can't hide any longer. He can't seek shelter behind the walls he's carefully erected within himself. And he can't shield himself from the vulnerability of admitting that he needs you. So instead he just says:

"Shut up."

You sigh. No matter how much you try to break him down, he stays persistent. "Fine."

"I'll stop talking, but you'd be a fool if you think I'm leaving."

He scoffs. "So what, you're just going to sit there and watch me all night?"

"If that's all you'll allow me, yes."

Allow. Such a sacred, unheard word to him.

Astarion didn't even have a response to that. In the end, he didn't have enough energy to make a snarky counter. And before he can form a coherent sentence and protest, his body makes a decision for him.

The elf slumps forward and places his head in your lap, curling up in a way that resembles a kitten. A stray seeking shelter.

Despite his efforts of stubborness, he closes his eyes and lets his body go slack.

He wants this.

You're relieved. For a moment, you sit still, not wanting to scare him away with any sudden movements. He needed this peace, and you wouldn't dare take it from him.

Slowly, you start to rake your fingers through his curls. Slowly, gently. Like a mother comforting her child.

He needs it. More than ever.

When you begin to run your fingers through his hair, it's like all his defenses dissolve away. Astarion lets out a quiet hum of contentment and presses his head further into your warmth, making himself as comfortable as possible in this precious moment.

Time seems to slow down as you sit there. There's no need for words. After so long of being taken and abused by his master, Astarion finds himself oddly calm. Safe.

It's strange to feel this comfortable. Even now he should have to urge to try and escape your touch, but he's not feeling those impulses.

He takes a deep breath and relaxes into your touch. The tension and discomfort that seemed to define his existence is melting away. For the first time in centuries, he feels he's where he belongs.

As you continue to pet his hair, you hear a quiet whisper come from your companion.

"Thank you."

[avocado-writing]

sooo this is an angsty prompt but what if Cazador took the extra step to remove all the fangs from his spawns to make them that much more dependent on him to feed? After Astarion is tadpoled he has to use his knife to get as much blood as he can from animals, but he can't sneak a bite from people, so on bite night Tav might wake up to Astarion collapsing from hunger.

...if you can give this oneshot or snippet a happy or hopeful ending I would appreciate it because I made myself sad.

oh! heartbreaking. here is a little drabble, set on and after the first bite night:

he feasts upon you, and he knows that he is pathetic.

it is sickening. he is sickening. having to come and beg for your blood like a dog. oh, but worse than a mutt, isn't he? that scruffy creature which has made the camp its home can at least feed itself. he has to rely on your pity to keep his stomach full.

wretched. contemptible.

if you had not found him that night, on the dirt of the road after having been savaged by a boar he was trying to bring down, he would most certainly be dead. he thought that he could fell the beast, but he was far too weak; tusks at his soft flanks soon had him laid out on his back, gasping for a breath which he did not need to draw.

when you discovered him, following his feeble little cries, you gasped and gathered him into your arms, like a caregiver coddling a weak child. all he could do was mewl at you for blood. it was then you saw him for what he truly was: a meek and mutilated spawn, fangless and helpless. he remembers the soft stroke of your fingers as you pulled down his collar to see the bitemark that Cazador had left.

he'd never felt so loathsome as that night, hating himself for the excitement he felt when you opened your palm on your dagger in order to press it to his mouth, your blood strengthening him. he clutched you to him and sucked at you from the source, a sweet tang flowering on his tongue as he found himself again.

you hadn't laughed. you hadn't judged. instead, every night, you came to his tent and offered your body to him, in a way he never expected.

tonight he watches as you clean your blade, making sure it's free of dirt and grime, before carefully puncturing the soft plain of your skin. crimson begins to pool at the pinprick and you hold your arm out to him.

"all yours," you say with a sincere smile. he feels utterly lamentable as he scoots forward and latches on, desperately hungry. he has been ignoring the growing pit in his stomach for too long.

now it is time to feed.

you watch him as he goes, making sure he doesn't drain you too much, muttering lovely little words without even thinking about it. encouraging him to take what he needs from you.

he drinks down your kindness along with your blood.

he is pathetic, he thinks. but, as you reach out to swipe some hair from his face, he remembers that you don't seem to share that view.

aglist: @ghosti02art @sadandanxiouswtf @yeethaw13 @trappedinlimbo15 @infinitely-kate @dhampling @wereallbrokenangels @tilldeathdonugget @useless-contributions @beardedladyqueen @hopeful-n-sad

[hartleysbaldursgateblog]

I love Astarion because he's an imperfect victim, he's someone who believes being hurt justifies hurting others but most of all I love his spawn ending and hate all the ascended Astarion takes about how the spawn ending is taking him away from what he really wants and needs just frustrates me so much.

As a trauma survivor myself and someone who has been surrounded by people with unhealthy coping mechanisms for most of his life, I love the spawn ending because it is, to me, the crux of what it means to start to heal. Sometimes the process of healing hurts too, and it can hurt a lot. And Astarion's story puts you in a position as a player that I've seen a lot myself- where someone you care about and who has been deeply hurt is so fixated on a truly destructive thing because they are genuinely convinced it's what will help them. Saying "no" and talking down someone who is struggling that much is an immensely hard thing to do as someone who has been on both ends of that equation. To let Astarion ascend is to enable him, to tell him he's right to be afraid of the world and that power is what he needs to feel safe. And it can be so, so hard, because when you're in Tav's shoes, it's hard to deny a person who is in so much pain something they are so thoroughly convinced will make them safe. But Astarion only really sees things as people with power and people without, that's what all his time with Cazador had taught him.

I remember seeing a post saying spawn Astarion's ending is "coddling" and "babying" him but it's really the opposite. Ascension is enabling him, not standing up to him and letting him buy into his tunnel-vision fixation about the ritual. Keeping him a spawn is the harder choice and requires more work to convince him, but speaking as someone with some unhealthy coping mechanisms myself and my family members in the same spot, you can't coddle someone engaging in destructive behavior if you ever want them to improve. Astarion is genuinely convinced that the ritual is going to make him safe, and one of the hardest things in the world is trying to push against and deny the requests of someone who is suffering. But myself, if I wasn't talked down from certain things or pathways no matter what I thought I wanted, I wouldn't be here and who I am today. Spawn Astarion is the harder road to travel but it's what Astarion needs to heal. Key example being if you bring up Cazador when he ascends, he lashes out and tells you to never mention him. He has all the power he wants, but he is still afraid, it didn't solve anything for him and he's just going to keep chasing more. Whereas spawn Astarion is willing to talk about Cazador and what happened. Because sometimes as a person with trauma you really do get fixated on something ultimately unhealthy for you and you might not like that truth, but the best people in your lives will be the ones who stand up to that fixation because they care and pull you away from it.

Spawn Astarion's ending is such a beautiful tale of healing, and I adore how it doesn't omit any of the ugly parts, either... because when it comes to healing, there really are a lot of ugly parts.

This was brought on by seeing a lot of people complaining about Ascended Astarion's kisses in patch 6 and how Tav looks scared. I mean, yeah, that's what an abusive relationship looks like... that's what the ascended ending is. It's not supposed to be good. You made your bed, now sleep in it.

[pythoria]

Look. We all know Astarion doesn't enjoy the drow twins, but i've seen people make the point that the player couldn't have known beforehand, that Astarion gave enthusiastic consent and we shouldn't coddle him. To an extent, i agree. However, people need to realise that the option you have when he confesses to say "You should learn to enjoy sex again. With me." (slightly paraphrased) and the option you have to tell the drow twins "and i hope my partner will join us as well" are virtually the same thing. Both times the player makes the same point, that Astarion should get over himself and put out again. The only difference is that when he gives consent for the drow twins, it's after you've helped him defeat Cazador.

Now, the first time, at the confession, if you tell him to sleep with you he agrees (albeit less enthusiastically), but in the end breaks up with you and calls you selfish. With the twins, he agrees more enthusiastically, does not enjoy it, and does not talk to you about it afterwards. It's not far fetched to assume that after you've helped him kill Cazador, he feels indebted to you, because it's very hard to see relationships as anything other than transactional after 200 years, even if you love this person and they love you back. In-game there are only a few days max that pass between him refusing the drow twins and him agreeing vigorously, with Cazador dying inbetween. You can say he finally feels safe after he's dead, enough to try new things, but his partner should not be proposing foursomes twice in a week, after being told no once, and expect (and accept!) his yes without question. (especially after something as traumatic as him murdering his master - yes, it's cathartic, but it's also not easy emotionally, the way he sobs after it happens is proof enough)

What it boils down to is this: people don't want to feel bad for making Astarion do the drow scene, but for me, i had the same reaction to both dialogue options i mentioned the first time i saw them, which was a vague sense of disgust. Especially since the sentence "and i hope my partner will join us as well" gives Astarion even less agency imo than the confession dialogue. You're telling him you want him to do this, in front of other people, and you don't even ask if he wants it, just imply it would make you happy. At this point he will not break up with you the way he does after the confession goes awry, because you've done too much for him, but it is still extremely scummy for his partner to do this, and the parralels make it very clear that this is not something he actually wants.

[eff-plays]

On these notes, can I umm ... have Tavs who are like ... their own people. With personal issues and hangups and conflicts and preferences. I need Tavs who have spines, who don't just exist to be soft and gentle for Astarion's sake, who don't exist to be therapists for him. Like I get it, it's self-care for writers to some extent, but it just makes for such boring reading when a Tav is always 100% understanding and pliable for Astarion. When they're head over heels instantly and understand him perfectly with minimal explanations. When they can somehow tell, feel his pain through nothing but his eyes. After knowing him for days, hours, seconds.

Need Tavs who don't let him drink from them and/or tell him to only bite enemies because it's more pragmatic. Tavs who don't get off to his bites and in fact find them painful and inconvenient. Tavs who disagree with him to his face. Tavs who call him out when he's being a cunt.

"I didn't tell anyone you're a vampire because it's not my secret to tell" but why? He never asked to keep it a secret, and he attacked you. In your sleep. You owe him nothing, and he could pose an active danger to the others if you don't tell them? How do you know he doesn't? He's done nothing to earn your trust, yet you offer it anyway. And you're not written to be stupid, just that you innately know he's important/damaged somehow, so what gives?

It annoys me that the only time meta knowledge is used it's in his favor. Like Tav just knows he's good deep down somehow. Despite him being a huge cunt constantly. Like, he kills Tav if they fail to make him stop. Without remorse. He even jokes about it later when they have the audacity to be upset about it. But that's never even a fear some Tavs have. When it makes far more sense to be suspicious he'd do that than trusting him instantly.

And another thing like ... So many Tavs are just orbiting Astarion. Just straight up fail to make connections of friendships with anyone else. They'll also have some sad backstory of course, but only Astarion is somehow aware of it, he's the only one who has any insight into their inner turmoil while everyone else doesn't give a shit, I guess. Which is just. He gets to both have the benefit of the doubt and special insight and understanding of Tav. He gets to have all the cards.

Where's the mess. Where's the conflict. Where's the intrigue and fun of two actual individual people learning to overcome their differences and/or finding comfort in their similarities?

Idk I realize I'm barking up the wrong tree because this is generally the state of most fic and the romance genre in general but it's extra evident in the Astarion fandom where he's elevated to the status of the ultimate victim and ultimate sex god so any conflict is untenable because he's soo vunlerable and sensitive and all situations must have him coming out on top or else it'll be ... idk, problematic? Abusive? Traumatic to him? What's the reason?

It ends up just doing him a disservice? Part of what makes the romance so compelling-in game (at least the Spawn route) is that Tav challenges him and his assumptions. That they push back. But in fic these Tavs "push back" by just accepting his bullshit with a smile and waiting for him to realize he's being a bitch on his own, I guess. He's also rarely allowed to be silly or cringefail, which he canonically is, and he's so coddled that it makes it look like this grown-ass man can't handle anyone disagreeing with him or teasing him, so he's always paired up with the most weaksauce spineless soft quirky manic pixie dream Tav imaginable.

Like. It's always "Uwu how can I make him happy? Anything to make him happy!" What about you hon? What do you get out of this relationship, babygirl?

And tbh this is headcanon of course but I just don't think he'd respect a doormat Tav very much. He needs to be sprayed with water every now and then. For his own good.

Whatevs. I mean write whatever you want. But. Man. I just want more cool Tavs. And less stunted and flattened Astarion who can't take a joke or a goof or a gaff, who's always too cool to fail or be wrong.

And before someone says "this is why Durge is better!" I have no interest in Durge and do not read Durge fic sorry. Also that wound't even be true.

[tinytinybumblebee]

I feel like astarion is the type of regressor who you get new gear for, and he scoffs, saying he barely regresses at all and doesn’t appreciate being coddled—only to slink off somewhere private and use whatever new gear you got him, be it a paci, toy, blanket, what have you, to regress. And when you find him he doesn’t really have normal antagonistic astarion brain on so the second he sees his cg catch him on his earlier bluff he’s just all smiles and grabby hands as if he wasn’t the one who isolated himself :,)

Aaaa y e s!!!!🥺💖💖

Big Astarion huffs, saying how he's a grown vampire, he doesn't need them trying to infantilze him with such juvenile things!

But, his carer doesn't take it to heart because they knooow they'll find him later snuggling with his new dolly or with his new soother in his mouth, reaching out for them for cuddles xD♡♡

[fangsandfeels]

Jerra *to Astarion*: I'm not kind.

Also Jerra, when dealing with any of the bazillion traumatised kids throughout the game:

Astarion: *silently commits to collecting every dictionary they come across, ripping out the page with the definition of "kind" and compiling these pages into a huge book, so he could throw it at Jerra's head*

But the funny thing is: Jerra is serious. She doesn't consider herself a kind person. Kind people, she thinks, have life on their minds. They live. They think of giving to life and sharing. They wake up and go to sleep with the thoughts of what they will see the next day and what the next day will grant them.

Jerra thinks of death.

It's always in the back of her head, always there: a grim reminder of how the world actually works.

Kind people endear her and make her feel uneasy because she knows the fragility of their mirth: how quickly it all can be shattered, how one rotten person or one act of cruelty can wipe the smiles from their faces or suck out the joy of expecting tomorrow. She doesn't want that to happen to them; she doesn't resent them, but she knows that even though she is the one who would kill the said rotten person and put an end to their cruelty, she won't restore what's been broken. She will always be an extension of the tragedy that happened. And to be the one delivering vengeance means being merciless. An honorable opponent? A dignified end? The "if you kill me, you'll be no better than me" speech? Oh, she could care less of this drivel. She isn't here to be better than someone. She is here to give tyrants and tormentors back what they have generously given to others, not to give them a fancy duel or a lecture. If she is here, it means, it's too late for a lecture. She is here to be everything they were afraid of. I imagine, that she had walked out of the houses carrying someone's head even before Nere.

So, in truth, Jerra is a lot more cynical everyone gives her credit for, and she always anticipates the worst - she isn't just loud about it. Also, she is like this because it's part of her calling, not because she is happy to rain on everyone's parade, which is why she won't drag others into her place: she'd kick them out somewhere nicer because why, in the Hells, would they want to be here? Shoo.

And, she doesn't see a point in being harsh to a kid. Especially a lost and scared orphan whose mere existence is uncomfortably familiar. She won't coddle them or lie to them: she knows that children are smart and won't take kindly to sugarcoated half-truths, but they are also vulnerable and helpless, and it's not their fault. So, she is always honest with them but doesn't deny them the comfort they need - because why would she?

[omoghouls]

Don’t know how far you are in the story so no spoilers, but Astarion being really upset after dealing with some traumatic stuff and wetting on purpose because he wants to be comforted and coddled and doesn’t know how to ask for that.

YAAAAAAA OMFG (I'm technicallllly in Riverton but I restarted recently xD, but I do know about Astarion being the final spawn Caz needs to become the powerful Vampire ;0; )

He's always been one for the dramatics. But, this time, it's different. He's tired, and the worlds of troubles are stacked so heavily on his back that he just wants to decompress, be given that gentle love and care.

But he doesn't feel as if he deserves that type of love without being in some outwardly distress- so Astarion will wet himself. He hates the sensation of his pants clinging to his legs with cooling urine, but he feels the need to do this.

Ofc he gets the doting care he was seeking. Perhaps Tav or whoever kinda catches on that Astarion's wettings seem to coincide with traumatic things from his past coming back to him, maybe they talk to him about it, that he doesn't have to wet himself to get care ;w;

[primal-savagery]

29 and 30 from the couple’s questions!

Woo finally got a minute to answer while my internet was stable. 😭Thank you so much for the ask! 29. Where is their relationship lacking? What could they do to improve it?

I think even post-game communication is something they're still working on. Their relationship started as Astarion manipulating Vel after all. And Vel still has problems asking for things or showing vulnerability for a whole myriad of reasons. They're still far from being functional people, but Gods they are trying.

One problem I see arising is Astarion developing a slight case of selective hearing post-game when him and Vel are venturing out into the world for the first time, and he's contending with the limitations he has as a spawn. The purpose of their adventure is to find a way to help him walk in the sun again, albeit while taking the scenic route. And in my version of events Astarion is very much thankful that he never went through with the ritual, but in the beginning absolutely mourns the powers he had to pass up. Meanwhile, Vel is trying to remind him of his own strength and insist that he doesn't need the powers the ritual offered to keep her safe. Neither of them do, in fact! From the time they met the deal was that they'd watch each other's backs and keep each other safe, and so far that's all they've ever needed. However, Astarion stopped listening right around the moment where Vel said he was strong enough just as he was to protect her. And his mind took that from 0-100. There's a period of time where he is like yes! I am the big strong protector! I'll protect both of us and you'll never have to worry about anything ever again! I'm definitely not overcompensating cause I'm overwhelmed by my newfound freedom and dealing with a lot of insecurity right now! And Vel is trying to insist that that isn't quite what she had in mind, but he's already picking a fight with some guy across the tavern who gave her a weird look.

Vel would find this quite irritating.

She just isn't someone who likes to be coddled like that. She knows she's a perfectly capable person, and so is he. And I'm sure she would love to sit him down and explain that him jumping to her defense all the time has the potential to create far more problems than it solves. However, I believe she has a nasty habit of biting her tongue until she's already peeved enough to snap. A nasty habit from her previous relationship where her making any kind of argument was treated as a Category 5 Drow Woman Moment.

It's something that they'll work out over time, now that the world isn't ending and they have all the time in the world to figure out how to live with one another. Neither of them are perfect people by a longshot, and they're both coming out of difficult situations. However, I think they make sure to stay aware of that; especially for when they hit the inevitable bump in the road.

30. Where is their relationship the strongest?

As far as intimacy, I actually picture them to be quite compatible! Whether it be sexual or non-sexual. Mostly because I also imagine them both as people who value their own space. You've never seen two adults parallel play better than they do!

Sometimes they get into a new room at the nearest tavern after a long night of adventuring, and all they want to do is crawl under the covers and glue themselves together until the next evening. Sometimes after especially tiresome journeys they both need their own bed to face plant into and splay themselves out like starfish until they feel like moving again. Possibly for days at a time. One isn't especially distant while the other is exceptionally clingy. It's more of a case of them both loving to be physically intimate, but do just as well on opposite sides of a room in companionable silence. Especially since Vel fancies herself a geriatric woman who requires 8-12 hours of REM sleep a day; in spite of the fact that she is middle aged at best, and also a damn elf.

[novarex]

"Even I don't deserve this."

Oof, my heart.

And yah.... having an open and honest conversation with both Halsin AND Astarion prior to engaging in anything with Halsin is WILDLY different than having zero discussion with Astarion and just banging Mizora. Not even in the same ball park.

I think people get twisted up about Astarion because if you push him to have sex with you during his Act 2 confession, he gets angry that you pushed him when he didn't know how to say no and he breaks up with you. Now, I do think Larian needs to make it a little more clear that you are pushing him into something, but that isn't the point. The point is that people take that one incident and run with it, and apply it to everything else he says or does. It's like they think they know better than him and take away his choice.

The whole thing is that Astarion has had his choices stripped from him for over 200 years. Under Cazador, it was because he was a slave. But you can still rob him of his autonomy without being Cazador. You have to let him make and communicate CHOICES of his OWN. And part of that is him learning what he really wants, not just people pleasing, and how to navigate expressing himself.

You can't have autonomy and choice if you are not allowed to make your own mistakes. I don't think Astarion is adverse to making mistakes... he clearly knows he is going to. I think he is adverse to being pushed and manipulated... and if you refuse to respect his decisions, even if they turn out to be mistakes, you are doing him no favors.

Astarion is pretty clear after the Cazador fight thar he doesn't want to be coddled... he wants a partner to be there with him, through everything as partners.

so spawn astarion now has a proper reaction to the pc sleeping with mizora! (this dialogue is not active/probably not voiced yet so it wont trigger in the game until a future patch) but yessss finally. it was so awkward how it just cut away before and pretended the interaction didnt happen. i love astarion standing up for himself and chewing the player out for betraying his trust like that. king

[tinytinybumblebee]

Today on “I’m exhausted hearing awful takes on astarion” as a trauma survivor myself I think astarion struggles to show weakness in the sense of recovery… like now that he’s free of Cazador, he’s supposed to be strong, independent, always knowing what he’s doing and who he wants to be. And for the most part that’s true, he is all those things, but when ghosts of his past come back to haunt him he feels shame in being someone vulnerable again who needs care. He hides it and bottles it up for such a long time but…

Then Tav comes along, his partner but also cg, and when the dam finally breaks they’re right there reassuring him that he is competent and capable and independent, he’s fought for his freedom and won and no one can deny that. But sometimes he needs coddling and that’s okay, he can be both strong and in need of protecting and support, they aren’t mutually exclusive (because a lot of people treat them like they are and as a survivor myself I do value my independence and not being coddled, but put simply and people don’t think about this with Astarion I’ve noticed, sometimes you just need to crumble and need to be needy and that’s not a sign that you’re recovering wrong or relapsing or anything)

Tav assures him he can be weak and need things if that’s how he feels, that being in need once in a while doesn’t invalidate everything he went through. And maybe he needs to regress that night. And it’s gonna be ok while he does.

Tav sits down with him, assuring him he’s going to be big again soon, but for now he should relish being little and not feel ashamed at all for needing cuddles and bottles and diapers and pacis. He’s still allowed to need things even if he’s won over his abuser. And the baby bat can be happy and get lots of cuddles and treats knowing no one thinks less of him and his beloved Tav will be there for him—he’ll pay them back somehow later and find a way to support them when they need him, but for now no thoughts baby bat. Give him headpats and kisses. Wrap him up into a little baby bat burrito. Put him in comfy safe diaps and be there to change them, and put him in all kinds of pretty clothes (tbh he would look so cute in “classic” baby gear like bonnets or mittens/booties you can’t convince me otherwise)—the entire camp has a whole “spoil Astarion” day because he deserves it and shouldn’t have to always force himself to be strong.

(sorry for the ramble he is very precious and dear to me and i’ve seen so many bad takes on aspects of him that dishearten me as someone who relates to him jddhxndvnd sorrry)

Yes yes YES to this all nonny!!! You got the most galaxy mind for tiny Astarion aaaaaa this poor vampire wants to be the perfect example of a survivor who has made it through without a care past the revenge he wanted- he doesn't want to be seen as some weakling, he doesn't want to lean on others!!

But, in small steps, Astarion is able to let his walls become thinner, allowing Tav and those he trusts in when it comes to his regression aaa♡♡♡

[tinytinybumblebee]

bby astarion thought… he has a lot of oral fixations and will nurse on anything, the easiest of which is his thumb. But his cg, probably Tav, doesn’t want him doing that—thumbs are icky and dirty and he could cut himself on his fangs! But Astarion is usually too focused on his thumb by that point to even notice the much nicer pacifier they’re trying to replace it with. At this point he’s kinda aware that he’s not supposed to do it too, so he’ll do it intentionally all the time now when his cg isn’t looking… or sometimes where the chance to get caught is pretty high just to cause trouble. He mainly does it while being changed because he gets embarrassed and his cg is too busy focusing on his diaper to notice what he’s doing with his thumb—but they always end up catching him and going “Ah-ah, hey, what do I always say, mister?” while Astarion laughs in malicious baby

That is until he actually does cut himself on his fangs while doing it and Tav is trying so hard not to hit him with the “I told you so” because this was a 100% preventable injury but he’s just so sad and teary and upset how can they not feel sympathy for the poor thing??

!!!!! Yess aaaa oral fixation tony Astarion 🥺💖 lil guy needs something to occupy his mouth 24-7, it soothes him♡

To him, his thumb is natures soother, so why shouldn't he use it?? It's faaaar more convenient than some silly soother Tav is offering (but he will take it, especially when he's playing or getting cuddles and needs both his hands xD) Tav knows their little bat likes pushing limits but will always tut when they see Astarion starts to trace his thumb over his lower lip

Of course, Astarion's luck runs out when his fangs puncture hus thumb after accidentally chomping down. It's sooo hard to tell him "I told you so" so, instead they coddle the baby bat and gently being like "See my little star? This is why mama/dada doesn't want their baby to use his thumb, you poor thing. Come now, we'll get you all fixed up."💖

[tinytinybumblebee]

Imagine Astarion lowkey struggling with embarrassment over his regression and it manifests when he’s little too, as he insists he’s a big boy now—he doesn’t need diapers, he can have a sippy instead of a bottle, he doesn’t need a blankie or his paci, or to be held and coddled…

Needless to say that falls apart pretty quickly and his cg assures him that it’s okay to be a little baby, some little elves need bottles instead of sippies and diapers instead of pull-ups and that’s okay… he’s their loved baby bat either way and with that reminder he quickly gives up on forcing himself to be a “big boy” (which was probably equal parts pride but also not wanting to put too much pressure on his cg because he’s scared of losing them.

For our little star, he can be the littlest baby he’d like to. Dada/Mama will love him to the moon and back anyway!

Waaaaa y e s🥺💖💖💖💖

It's difficult for Astarion to let himself slip so young. He doesn't want to be a burden to his carer. But his carer is so reassuring to him that he isn't a burden, they love him for him, every aspect of him!!

He's their little bat. They love him and feel honoured being able to be a part of his regression ;w;