#he doesn’t want Crowley destroyed he doesn’t want their love judged he doesn’t want humanity hurt

[tarredion]

I’m gonna put my thoughts in tags but here is the summary:

The coffee theory doesn’t make sense, azi has religious trauma and is being manipulated because the metatrons presence is intimidating a n d he knows more about what aziraphale actually wants to make happen (peaceful existence, running away is not the solution for either of them) which means aziraphale says and does things here that is both his own thoughts and heightened because of what the metatron claims he can make do (things which he obviously won’t be able to do, but still)

Crowley is also not good at communicating at all, or doing what he knows will work - he keeps asking azi to run away which he doesn’t wanna, he also waits outside even though he clearly should have gone in to get him again, which is what he wants, but he does Inaction instead of Action

Azi needs things explained to him or else he won’t break out of the toxic cycle, which Crowley failed to do (talk), and the metatron is just a physical presence of that

There’s a reason in s1 he still goes against the plan when the metatron is not physically there, and when the archangels aren’t around to discourage him, but here he not only lets the angels in but can’t really do his own thing

Also, it’ll all end with a garden. A garden is, in essence, an earthly thing. A thing of humanity. Azi is still too tethered to heaven to become fully human- to fully stay on earth where he has to be with crowley. He needs to go where he shall not be to realize how and how much he needs to not keep being tethered

I have so many more thoughts but these are some ideas

(Like rogue metatron and gods ineffable plan and the return of previous characters and why azi isn’t the right one to meet them)

OK.

One i thing keep obsessing over is how Azi without a second thought first declined the promotion. His instinct was to decline the offer until he was offered this.

This was what changed his mind. Reforming heaven was not even a point until he was talking to Crowley.

But what's bizarre about this is that if his reason for accepting the offer was Crowley rising why did he still go to heaven on his own.

Azi's decision has more depth than what we are seeing here I feel. Reforming heaven was not on his mind as a thing initially and Crowley refused to join him as well but he still went.

I just can't figure out his reasoning here at all. Any meta girlie's wanna have a go on this?

I could be just over thinking and Azi just didn't realize what the offer meant at first.

PSA : DO NOT MENTION THE COFFE THEORY. LET CHARACTERS BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS

[trailingoff]

Aziraphale’s religious trauma

I’m sure others have discussed this in a lot of depth, but I can’t help throwing my hat in the ring. Aziraphale has major religious trauma after spending his entire very long existence as a member of a cult. If you’ve never experienced what it’s like to be indoctrinated into a religion, then it might be very hard to understand why he behaves the way he does, so I’ll try to lay it out for you.

Anyone who was raised from early childhood to believe that an all-powerful being is watching them as though they’re in a panopticon (a jail where prisoners are watched by authorities at random moments) and will severely punish them and/or their loved ones if anyone steps out of line (or just on a whim or based on a bet with Satan) either has experienced religious trauma or has somehow avoided it, perhaps through repression or retreating into themselves and managing to ignore what the adults were telling them. Another way to avoid the trauma is to continue to believe that the cult is ‘good’ and that those outside it are ‘bad’ and should seek redemption, forgiveness and salvation.

Not only does Aziraphale have this trauma, but it’s also based on reality in the GO universe. I was able to live with mine by realising that there is no empirical evidence for religious beliefs, by studying philosophy, by having therapy, and by reflecting on it for years. The trauma can still be triggered in me, leading to panic that God might be watching and judging me, and that an afterlife might exist, but luckily I’m now able to move through the panic relatively quickly. Aziraphale can’t do any of this because the beliefs of his cult are all too real. There really is a massively powerful (hopefully not all-powerful, but he believes she is) being who watches and judges him and everyone else at random moments. She has either directly ordered her angels to slaughter babies and children or has stood by and watched them do it. She has severely punished someone Aziraphale cares about, Crowley, who from that moment has been in a situation where he continues to be tortured by his fellow demons with no intervention from God and who simultaneously risks being destroyed by demons, by angels, by humans wielding sacred weapons (e.g. holy water) or by his own hand.

And so Aziraphale suffers from both religious trauma and the trauma of living under a real authoritarian dictatorship. This dictatorship is seemingly unbeatable and eternal, and it possesses weapons more powerful than the biggest nuclear weapons, more powerful than the sun, really more powerful than anything we humans can imagine.

Thousands of years ago, Crowley was kicked out in an extremely painful way, and he suffers his own trauma from that. He clearly doesn’t want Aziraphale to go through all of that, yet he wants Aziraphale to join him on ‘their own side’. At the end of the previous season, I thought Aziraphale was all in. I was happy to leave it at that ... even though it isn’t a realistic depiction of someone dealing with the particular types of trauma that Aziraphale has experienced and continues to experience.

Aziraphale and Crowley are still in constant grave danger, and they’re still living in God’s panopticon. That can’t just be hand-waved away. As we’ve seen this season, at any moment their fragile peace can be disrupted by a situation that puts them in danger of being harmed to the extent of being wiped from existence. They can’t actually just go to Alpha Centauri and it will all be cool. (And what would they do there for eternity anyway ...?) But yeah there is no way to escape from God, nowhere in the universe that God isn’t capable of supervising -- that’s real, not something Aziraphale merely has faith in, as humans understand belief in God. Aziraphale isn’t the equivalent of a human priest or a theologian or a cult member: he is a supernatural being created by a much more powerful supernatural being.

Perhaps there are only two ways for Aziraphale to deal with his trauma: 1) He realises that God and the Heavenly Host can be defeated. 2) He realises that they can be permanently altered in a positive way. 

At the end of season two, Aziraphale seems to believe he is being given the opportunity to bring about option 2. We don’t know if he has a plan or a vision for this, but for the first time he thinks he has a chance. Perhaps best of all, he has the opportunity to protect Crowley -- permanently! Imagine how anxious Aziraphale must have been, for thousands of years, that Crowley would be destroyed. It could have happened at any time, near or far from Aziraphale. Crowley faces dangers on all sides and also does foolish (from Aziraphale’s perspective) things like good deeds under the influence of laudanum and a heist so he can handle holy water. Crowley breaks and bends rules in ways that could kill him: Aziraphale isn’t catastrophising. This isn’t the same as a religious loved one telling you that you’re going to hell for sinning. Crowley has already been tortured in hell, and he could be tortured there forever, or he could be turned into an oily black puddle, or removed from the book of life etc etc. 

What Aziraphale doesn’t understand yet is that Crowley can’t be an angel again and still be the Crowley that Aziraphale loves. He also doesn’t see Crowley as an equal. If they’re going to take on heaven and bring down God’s dictatorship, they are going to have to do it as Aziraphale and Crowley, working in partnership, wielding the immense power of their love.

[mst3kproject]

The Flame Barrier

I’ve got an awful lot of movies from 1958 on my resume, don’t I?  Why is that? Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. Apparently it was just a bumper year for cheap, crappy black-and-white films.  This one stars Kathleen Crowley from The Rebel Set and Rodd Redwing from The Mole People, in a movie written by George Worthing Yates, who also penned Earth vs the Spider.  Also featuring a blob from outer space, with motives even less clear than the one in The Space Children.

Over yet another stock-footage rocket launch, one of those deep-voiced 50’s narrators informs us that there’s a layer of Earth’s atmosphere called the Flame Barrier which destroys everything it touches. This particular rocket was no exception, and its crash-landing in the Mexican jungle may be related to the disappearance of explorer Howard Dalman, whose wife Carol has now come looking for him. She seeks out a pair of prospectors, Dave and Matt Hollister, to guide her to his last known location.  As they go deeper into the bush, they find they’re wandering into something unknown… something that can make men burst into flames!

This movie isn’t terrible.  It’s not great, but it’s not irredeemably awful.  It reminds me a lot of The Giant Gila Monster, in that there’s a story going on and it’s not a bad story per se, but it’s one that’s got nothing whatsoever to do with the title and premise that drew us to the film in the first place.  When the supposed main plot pops up again at the end, it makes for a sudden and jarring shift.

The Flame Barrier starts off all right.  We have the inevitable narrator to give us the backstory, and then it gets right on with meeting the characters.  They’re introduced one by one, telling us their personalities and goals: Carol is naïve and spoiled but she’s trying her best, Matt is a drunk fool but he’s got a good heart, and Dave is a gruff, cynical realist who loves his brother but is tired of his bullshit.  None of them are exactly nice people but you can see where they’re coming from, and they each get an arc.  Carol struggles with whether she really loved Howard, whom she barely knew, and the movie allows her to toughen up and learn how to survive in the wilderness. Dave spends much of the movie being a jerk to Carol but eventually realizes he judged her too harshly and apologizes.  Matt gets a chance to be a hero and takes it, believing that he owes it to Dave for never giving up on him.  The writing is frequently unsubtle but the actors are competent, and these little stories work just fine.

The movie that surrounds them, however, is often very sloppy.  The narrator tells us that the space probe from the opening crashed because ‘it unexpectedly lost its gravitational force’.  What?  What is that supposed to even mean?  The narrator also tells us it’s been six months since Howard disappeared, then mere minutes later Carol says it’s been four. There’s a bit where Carol is menaced by an iguana… the creature is never actually in the shot with her, so they couldn’t find anything scarier?  The stock wildlife footage on their trek through the soundstage sets of Central America includes hyenas.  I can hear Crow saying, “boy, are we in Afri… wait a minute…”  And, pet peeve, they describe a snake as poisonous instead of venomous.

This being a jungle movie, obviously there are ‘natives’.  I think most of these are actual Mexicans, although Wikipedia says Rodd Redwing may have been from India (if so, I like to think his entire career in Westerns was based on just walking into casting directors’ offices and announcing he was ‘an Indian’, and letting them draw their own conclusions).  Being as this is a movie from the fifties, the natives are there largely to provide a body count – white people aren’t allowed to die until the climax.  To its credit, The Flame Barrier mostly (though not entirely) avoids the trope where the natives have interpreted the mysterious happenings as supernatural, leading the white characters to scoff at the whole thing.  There is some of this, but Dave clearly knows these people well and respects their culture and their warnings.

Then there’s the love story.  Obviously this is a movie, so Carol’s gotta fall for one or other of these idiots, but neither of the Hollister brothers is a good choice. Matt is sweet to her but he’s also a useless drunk who only has a job because his brother puts up with him.  Dave spends eighty percent of the movie being an asshole and I have no idea what Carol sees in him.  At least the two men never fight over her.  I guess the love affair is important to the plot, because it spurs the party on to finish their search for the missing Howard Dalman despite the odds being stacked against them… but that basically boils down to Carol and Dave needing to be sure she’s a widow before they can bone.

After all this messing around in the jungle, with the run time half over we get to the plot, and the movie changes gears with an almost audible ka-chunk.  Now we’ve got this space blob sitting in a cave (how did it get in there when it’s still attached to the rocket?) doubling in size every two hours, which must be destroyed before it can consume the entire earth!  Suddenly we have a laboratory, because all the scientific equipment Howard brought with him is still in perfect condition despite having been sitting in the jungle for either four or six months.  Suddenly Dave the rugged survivalist is a scientist and mathematician.  It’s like they took the same actors and sets and started trying to make a totally different movie.

Honestly, I think this is more or less what happened. I think the multiplying space blob was the movie somebody originally wanted to make – it starts out as a tiny thing in a test tube, growing bigger and bigger until it consumes the whole building and will destroy the entire city if it isn’t stopped!  That sounds like a pretty fun 50’s sci-fi movie in itself. It also, however, sounds like an expensive 50’s sci-fi movie, needing miniatures destroyed and screaming extras and other stuff The Flame Barrier just didn’t have the money for. Hence the need to spend so much time wandering around in the jungle swapping tragic backstories before the characters are allowed to get to that point.

The unfortunate thing about this is that the movie doesn’t really have time to get into the nature of its alien.  In Spacemaster X-7, the Blood Rust was offscreen much of the time but we still had a good idea of what it was and of its capabilities, and the explanations we were given made a reasonable amount of sense.  In The Flame Barrier, we’ve got this blob that apparently lives in the rarified and super-hot outer atmosphere (the writers seem to have confused Earth’s atmosphere with the Sun’s corona), but can also survive on the ground… and its effects are all over the place. Sometimes when things get too close to it, they’re just electrocuted and disintegrated, as happens to the rocket’s original passenger, a very young chimpanzee.  Sometimes people get horribly burned and then burst into flames and are reduced to skeletons hours or days later, as keeps happening to the natives. And then there’s Howard, who somehow managed to get close enough to be swallowed up by the thing and his corpse is still completely intact inside it.

None of this makes any sense.  If the blob has that protective electrocution barrier that the humans must be so careful to avoid, how did Howard get close enough to be trapped in it?  How did the chimp get out to end up wandering around in the jungle?  What the heck is happening to the natives who get burned and then skeletonized and why doesn’t that ever happen to the chimp or any of the main characters?  And how do they manage to kill by electrocution a creature that uses lethal amounts of electricity without any harm to itself?  ‘It’s an alien – we don’t understand it’ can cover a multitude of sins in movie writing, but the blob’s random effects don’t even feel like they could potentially make sense.

The Flame Barrier reminds me of other MST3K movies, too. Prominent among them are It Conquered the World and The Crawling Hand, both of which ended on the same unintentionally depressing note: they suggest that the dangers of going into space are so great that humans will never be able to overcome them.  It Conquered the World tells us that there are eight more Venusians just waiting for their own turn to invade.  The Crawling Hand says that exposure to outer space causes mutations that will turn astronauts into mindless murderers.  The Flame Barrier posits that not only is space itself deadly, but is also full of deadly creatures, and the only way to avoid them is to stay on the ground.

This has always interested me because movies like this stand alongside things like the tales of Rocky Jones, Space Ranger!, in which humans have an exciting future among the stars. Stories set in space can be about either the exhilaration of discovery or the terror of the unknown, and this dichotomy seems to be as old as science fiction – Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is considered the first work of proper sci-fi, and it encompasses both.  Frankenstein tells us that if we let our fear over-rule our curiosity, we’ll miss out on something potentially wonderful.  Movies like The Flame Barrier, and even modern space monster flicks like Alien, seem to say the opposite, that we shouldn’t meddle with the unknown at all.

This movie was kind of a compromise on my part.  I’ve had a lot on my plate lately and I picked The Flame Barrier as a movie that was kinda stupid but wouldn’t be either a test of my endurance or particularly challenging to write about.  I’m hoping to have something a little juicier for you next time.

[ineffable-endearments]

Good Omens and the prolonged story of Leaving The Garden

Last week I had this weird episode where I felt like my third eye popped WIDE open and I suddenly started making all these loose associations that I believe are nevertheless relevant between Aziraphale’s entire story and his role in the Garden of Eden. I don’t know if other people will find it agreeable, but I became very fixated on it.

Aziraphale, Guardian of the Eastern Gate, formerly on Apple Tree Duty. Guardian of forbidden Knowledge, the Knowledge of good and evil. Comes to Earth and sets up a store full of Knowledge that he doesn’t actually want to sell with his desk on the East side.

Tries to protect the Serpent from his own questions. What if we made our own Side? It doesn’t matter, they’ll kill us for asking that. Tries to keep the Serpent away from his own damn fruit.

Discovers the location of the Antichrist. This, too, is a kind of Forbidden Knowledge; the Antichrist is the key to the war between good and evil, after all, and no angel is supposed to be able to find him. Aziraphale is on Apple Tree Duty again. Struggles with who should rightfully have this information. Should he give it to the Serpent, orchestrator of the Fall of Man and chaos agent who kickstarted everything Aziraphale loves? Or should it be reserved for Heaven, the ostensible “greater good”?

Maybe this dilemma brings up painful old questions. For example, did Crowley’s effective temptation of Eve make Aziraphale a fuckup, a failed angel? If he was put at his post to fail as part of the Great Plan and then he did, was it actually a failure? Would it have been better for the original Knowledge to remain in Heaven’s hands? Is it wrong to prefer life here on Earth, is it wrong to love Crowley, if it means accepting and embracing his own incompetence*, the Fall of Man, and all the horrible things that came thereafter (war, famine, pestilence, pollution, death, traffic)? Who is really responsible for all that? And even assuming humanity’s Fall is part of the Great Plan, what about giving them the sword? Was that part of the Plan, too, or is Aziraphale’s tenure on Earth a punishment for that incident? If that’s the case, then is his protective behavior toward Crowley also wrong?

Anyway, now that he knows where Adam is, Aziraphale once again has Forbidden Knowledge. Is he going to fail in his guardianship again?

Don’t get me wrong. The Serpent is already in the Garden. Part of preserving the Garden is preserving the Serpent. The guardianship part is whether Aziraphale actually allows that one fruit to be plucked from that one tree.

If Aziraphale puts the Knowledge he’s guarding in Heaven’s possession, they can be persuaded to destroy the boy (he thinks). They can cancel the war between Good and Evil. That would effectively maintain the status quo. There would be no leaving the garden.

In a certain way, it would almost, sort of, “cancel”(?) the Fall of the rebel angels, wouldn’t it? It’s far-fetched, but bear with me for a moment. The point of the Fall is this notion that Hell will be a place of disgusting godless castaways for a while and then there will be an eventual reckoning. If Heaven enforces the status quo, protecting the world and the Heaven/Hell duality, then Hell is what it is forever, but it loses the impending doom of possibly being exterminated by Heaven, and Heaven has to concede that Hell belongs in this world. Hell is no longer made of mere castaways; they are openly, if perhaps grudgingly, given a place in the universe. The Fallen angels don’t ascend, so it is not a “reversal” per se, but they get a measure of acceptance (not necessarily friendliness or camaraderie - just acceptance). There are implications of this when Aziraphale says, “We can Save everyone!”

If Aziraphale shares this newfound Knowledge with the Serpent...well. What happens then? They still have no plan. Neither of them wants to destroy the Antichrist, but if they did, they’d still be in trouble. They’d be kicked out of the garden on their own in a hostile universe, and this time there’s nobody to offer a flaming sword for their protection against the angry legions of Heaven and Hell. This is to say nothing of the fates of Adam and Eve’s descendants - their own descendants, in a godparenting sort of way - on Earth. There’d be no way to protect them.

Aziraphale is a guardian. He chooses what he thinks is going to be his best shot at preservation. Aziraphale offers Heaven what he believes is a chance to use their judgment (the forbidden fruit), a chance to avert the war, and they reject it; they want the same prescriptions and myths they’ve always had.

Aziraphale thinks, for a while, maybe there’s a compromise. Maybe the Serpent can earn Heaven’s favor again, or maybe he can escape to the stars completely. Maybe Heaven will battle Hell without destroying Earth. But the Serpent does not want Heaven’s favor, nor does he want to leave the garden without Aziraphale. And Heaven won’t make exceptions for humans. They love their dogma, the prescribed actions; their sense of meaning comes from following prophecies. The only judgment they will follow is judgment that will lead specifically to What Is Written playing out, and What Is Written is the world’s end in fire and flames.

So Aziraphale decides he’s going to have to make a moral judgment for them and try to avert Armageddon. In my opinion, this is one of the key moments when Aziraphale partakes of the forbidden fruit himself**. He makes a judgment even though he’s supposed to leave judgment to Heaven, just as (in some fairly common Biblical interpretations) when Adam and Eve learned the difference between good and evil, they essentially “fired” God because they learned to judge good and evil themselves. (Not trusting God’s judgment is existentially threatening to Her, as Her whole purpose is sort of to be the ultimate judge. Deciding to avert Armageddon, Aziraphale discovers, is existentially threatening to Heaven because it deprives Heaven of what it has always seen as its whole Purpose. I think God and Heaven can both get over it and find other Purposes just like everybody else who gets disappointed sometimes, but that’s for another discussion.)

So but. BUT. Here’s the REALLY GOOD PART.

After Armageddon is thwarted mostly by Adam’s love for his world and with spiritual inspiration from his godfathers, Crowley and Aziraphale find themselves alone in a hostile universe. They’re being chased by metaphorical lions, basically. And who saves them from this hostile world?

Each other, with Adam’s help.

See, Adam gave Aziraphale his corporation back. And Aziraphale kept trying to protect Crowley until the very end. When Crowley assumed it was time to give up on life, Aziraphale threw himself into pushing Crowley to keep trying. When Crowley suggested staying together for the night and for the foreseeable future, Aziraphale reminded him that Heaven was still a danger. And they shielded each other from their Sides - from the wrath of God and Satan alike - with their own bodies, Aziraphale even going so far as to tell Hell they’d better leave Crowley alone from now on.

I’ve heard “Crowley is the Forbidden Fruit” before and it knocks me out every single time. Aziraphale could be said to be the flaming sword who keeps himself and Crowley safe. And Adam Young has become the angel on the gate of Eden who gave it to them.

ASTERISKS:

*“Imagine how terrible it might have been if we’d been at all competent.” Perhaps there would be no Earth at all.

**I’d argue that because it’s a complicated story and involves multiple layers of disentanglement from dogma, Aziraphale in fact has a number of “forbidden fruit” moments. But this is the one that Heaven is most aware of. I like to think of Crowley’s handing over of the books in 1941 as the moment that Aziraphale can’t take back from himself, and the decision to swan-dive out of Heaven as the moment Aziraphale can’t take back from Heaven. It’s almost like...in 1941, Crowley plays the role of Eve, offering Aziraphale something he realizes he wants (Crowley himself) but fears that they’ll both be damned if he accepts. In 2018, he realizes that Heaven’s garden is nowhere he wants to stay, nor is it anywhere that he actually wants to inflict on Earth or Crowley, and so he finally eats the forbidden fruit.

[stromuprisahat]

@princessamericachavez​:

#this is exactly what I was thinking about yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!! #Jesus comes back and he’s so nice to Crowley and happy to see him #the angels are angry and appalled #but Jesus just remembers that Crowley was nice and kind to him and that he showed him the world and offered insistently to just help him #get out of the desert but he’d refused #and so they talk (Jesus doesn’t judge Crowley for falling because he’s here to redeem all creatures) #and all the while Aziraphale is watching from the sidelines looking both heartbroken and like he’s ready to throw hands #no but also Crowley talking to Jesus about being betrayed by a man he loved after a kiss and Jesus just nods like Been There #and in the meantime all the angels want to intervene because WHY IS OUR LORD TALKING TO HIM but they darent #bonus point if Aziraphale is the one that breaks them up like ‘he’s yes sorry mr jesus has to go end the world’ #in a veiled attempt to get Crowley to dislike Jesus because he knows Crowley wont want that lol

... and Jesus is just like: 

“A moment with my friend here. Look hon, these people here claim the world got so much worse in some two thousand years, they want to destroy it. Care to show me again what I died for?”

And Crowley’s just like sure, hop in! They drive off to Vegas, to start with “City of Sin”, where ‘Tony introduces Jesus [read Spanish] to some very nice friends with lose morals, but good hearts, then continue to several places all over the globe, where humanity shows its worst face, but even there A. J. manages to find surprisingly nice people just trying to survive or even help others.

Jesus isn’t impressed. This isn’t nearly as bad as what he heard about Soddom and Gommorah, smitten by his much less forgiving parent. Is that truly all?

Crowley admits he took it from one side of the scale only, the nests of evil with all their complexity. “Would you like to see the rest?” ... so they go on. Natural wonders, art and technology. The good, the holy-in-anything-but-name, the ordinary, the everyday, the boring...

Jesus ends up strolling in to meet the angels in all his zen hippie glory, joint between fingers, smile on his face:

“I don’t think the world needs more of my saving. You should all go back home. Or y’no what? Try on the mortal world, or the universe. That’s what I’m gonna do. I think I’ll keep a shop. Or maybe do some garderning? I still can’t quite wrap my head around how much water some regions have. We all should try to lead an ordinary life before passing judgement on humanity. It’s what ~I’m~ gonna do anyway.”

#need jesus to recognize crowley in season 3 #aziraphale orchestrates the second coming of christ and then has to watch the man himself flirt with his ex husband #friendship ended with ineffable husbands this is now a crowley x jesus blog

[applepiewinchesters]

Four Times Aziraphale Wanted to Kiss You, And the Time he Finally Did (Aziraphale x Angel!Reader)

 *REQUESTS ARE CLOSED*

Requested by: Anonymous

Warnings: Maybe Angst, Fluffiness although that’s not really a warning

 The first time Aziraphale wanted to kiss you was seeing you for the first time after the garden.

You were dressed in a long, flowing white dress and had come to stand beside him as you watched the animals being loaded into Noah’s ark. You were stunning, your hair in curls down your back, a popular style of the time. Just…stunning.

“Good to see you again, my dear,” Aziraphale said to you.

You smiled, “You as well, Aziraphale, I just wish it was during better circumstances” you told him.

Before Aziraphale could answer, you turned when you felt a tap on your shoulder, turning to see the demon, Crawley, standing beside you.

“Oh, hello again,” you said, giving the demon a polite nod.

Aziraphale silently cursed for the interruption, not that he wasn’t just slightly happy to see Crawley, he was a rather interesting companion.

“So, giving the mortals a flaming sword, how did that work out for you?” Crawley asked, looking over to Aziraphale.

“The Almighty has never actually mentioned it again,” Aziraphale spoke.

“Most likely a good thing,” you added, the demon and angel beside you both nodded.

“What’s all this about?” Crawley asked, motioning towards the large boat in front of you all, “Build a big boat and fill it with a traveling zoo? From what I hear, God’s a bit tetchy.”

“Wiping out the human race,” Aziraphale said, lowering his voice, “Big storm.”

“All of them?” Crawley asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Just the locals,” Aziraphale told him.

“I don’t believe the Almighty is upset with the Chinese,” you said, “Or the Native Americans. Or the Australians.”

“Yet,” Crawley said, shrugging.

“And God’s not actually going to wipe out all the locals,” Aziraphale spoke, “I mean, Noah, up there, his family, and his sons, their wives, they’re all going to be fine.”

“But they’re drowning everyone else?” Crawley asked, looking around, “Not the kids? You can’t kill kids.”

You and Aziraphale both just nodded, a bit uncomfortable at the realization. “Well, that’s more the kind of thing you’d expect my lot to do,” Crawley said.

“Yes, but when it’s done, the Almighty’s going to put up a new thing called a rainbow, as a promise not to drown everyone again,” said Aziraphale.

“How kind,” Crawley said sarcastically, you sort of agreed with him, you weren’t as…devoted to the ineffable plan as Aziraphale was.

“You can’t judge the Almighty Crawley,” Aziraphale argued, “God’s plans are…”

Crawley cut him off, “Are you going to say “ineffable?” he asked.

“Possibly,” Aziraphale said, making you giggle softly, the sound was music to his ears.

That was the first time Aziraphale wanted to kiss you.

*

The second time Aziraphale wanted to kiss you was when you met Shakespeare, you looked beautiful in your long, red velvet gown, your hair still long and flowing down your back, but Crawley, well, Crowley now, interrupted you once again.

Not to mention Shakespeare kept flirting with you for lack of a better word, reciting some of his new work to you as you giggled.

“Jealous?” Crowley asked, leaning over to Aziraphale, watching as you blushed at whatever Shakespeare was telling you.

“I-I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” Aziraphale said, turning his gaze away from you to Crowley.

Crowley raised an eyebrow, “I’m not stupid Aziraphale, I can see the way you look at her, just get on with it already, it’s been a few thousand years after all.”

Aziraphale shook his head, “I can’t, she’s too…her, and I’m too me,” he said.

“Would you like me to tell her then?” Crowley asked, smirking.

Aziraphale nearly felt his heart jump out of his chest as he quickly shook his head, “No, no, please,” he said, making the demon chuckle.

“I’m only joking,” Crowley spoke, “but I would definitely snatch her up before someone like Casanova over there does.”

Aziraphale sighed, “I’ll tell her, at the right time,” he said, although he himself had no idea when that would be.

*

The third time Aziraphale wanted to kiss you was in 1941 in London when you both thought you were going to be rather inconveniently discorporated by a couple of scumbag Nazis.

You were pretty bad ass that day, talking back to Nazis and all, he himself wasn’t exactly that brave.

Both of you were relieved when Crowley strolled in, well, more like interpretive danced into the room, given the consecrated ground and all.

“Crowley, what are you doing here?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“Coming to save you two! Can’t have you getting into trouble,” he spoke, still doing his little dance, it was rather comical.

“We were doing just fine Crowley,” Aziraphale spoke.

“Ah, Anthony J. Crowley, your fame precedes you,” one of the Nazi’s spoke.

“Anthony?” Aziraphale questioned, looking to Crowley.

“You don’t like it?” he asked.

“No, I didn’t say that, I’ll get used to it,” Aziraphale said.

“The famous Mr. Crowley,? That’s such a pity you must all die,” the Nazi woman spoke.

“What does the J stand for?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at the demon, who shrugged.

“It’s just a J really,” he said, looking off to the side, “Look at that! A whole font full of holy water, doesn’t even have any guards.”

“Enough babbling!” one Nazi yelled, “Kill them all.”

After Crowley rerouted that bomb and Aziraphale saved you all from being discorporated, you were covered in soot from the destroyed church rubble now surrounding you.

Aziraphale came over to you, taking a handkerchief out of his jacket, “Here you are my dear,” he told you, smiling.

You smiled back, “Oh, thank you,” you said, using the cloth to wipe the soot off your face, you handed it back after you were done.

“Missed a spot,” Aziraphale said, reaching out and wiping a bit of soot off your cheek, you could feel your face heat up when you looked down sheepishly.

Aziraphale wanted nothing more than to feel that heat against his lips, but he didn’t, not that time at least.

*

The fourth time Aziraphale wanted to kiss you was shortly after you started helping him at his bookshop. You spent hours organizing books with him, finding just the right spots for everything.

He’d accumulated quite a collection over the years, and while he had no trouble organizing things, he was also happy to have some help, especially when it came from you.

After a really long day you’d even go out and buy dinner and pastries to eat together at small table by the window. It was one of his favorite things that came with you helping in the shop.

Another was when you’d bring him tea when you noticed he has having a particularly hard time organizing or trying to interpret some old language no one knew anymore.  

You were incredibly kind, but truly brave when you needed to be, it was something he loved about you. Also, you were different than most angels, sometimes going against protocol for the greater good of those surrounding you, not just heaven.

Aziraphale especially loved watching how careful you were with the books, carefully placing each of them on a shelf, especially if they were very old.

You were the only one he’s found to appreciate books as much as he did, and as he watched you, he wondered what your reaction would be from just a small kiss of appreciation.

Aziraphale shook these thoughts from his mind though, still not the right time he’d decided.

*

The fifth time Aziraphale wanted, and did, finally, kiss you, was when he came back to the bookshop after switching places with Crowley to help the other survive their punishments for stopping the apocalypse. You’d been spared for some reason, probably since Gabriel only had some weird thing against Aziraphale.

But the look on your face when he walked through the doors of the bookshop was so full of happiness and love that he knew this had to be the right time.

You’d run up to him and hugged him tightly, burying your face into his shoulder, “I’m so glad you’re alright,” you mumbled into his jacket.

Aziraphale smiled, wrapping his own arms around you, holding you close, “I could never leave you behind, love,” he told you, making you blush as you pulled away slightly from the hug, his hands still resting on your waist.

“My dear,” he started, “forgive me if this is completely inappropriate but…”

You’d cut him off, smashing your lips against his. He was quite shocked to say the least, but soon melted into the kiss, pulling you closer to him. You tasted just as sweet as he’d imagined, and your lips were incredibly soft.

When you pulled away, you giggled at how red Aziraphale’s face had gotten, “I’d been waiting to do that for about six thousand years,” you admitted, “I could see you did too, and I figured it was now or never.”

Aziraphale smiled, leaning down to press another gentle kiss to your lips, “That is just what I was thinking,” he told you.

When you’d both told Crowley you were officially together about a week later, he nearly burst with relief, “Finally!” he shouted, “I don’t think I could take another six thousand years of the sexual tension.”

Aziraphale had choked at his tea at that comment, while you on the other hand just laughed.

A/N: This took me a few hours to write, I kept getting stuck haha, but I hope you loved it! Thank you so much for reading and all the love! Requests will be open again either later this week or next week! Love you all! ~ Sara :)

[fly-flower-fanfics]

Betrayed

Aziraphale x Angel (then Demon) Male Reader

Warnings: Angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You know they don't treat you right, Aziraphale," I said, pleading with the angel. "You know Crowley is actually trying to help. Neither of you wish to be where you are, and you can help it."

I stood in between Crowley and Aziraphale, my wings out to shield Crowley's view as I spoke in hushed tones to the angel. As an angel myself, I could see how badly they were treating Aziraphale, and it just broke my heart. I offered my hand out to Aziraphale.

"You need to listen to him. And if you don't truly give a damn about him, then listen to me. How long have we been friends, Aziraphale? Six thousand years and then some. I've always done everything in my power to keep you safe and happy. I've always tried to protect you. I know this is going against whatever God's plan is, but for one, don't you think She might be wrong?"

Aziraphale looked up at me, clearly distraught. I could practically see all the wheels turning in his head, and I could only hope that he was making the right choice. Aziraphale was always good about that and making the right choices, but sometimes if he believed it was too bad, he wouldn't do it. 

"You're on our side, Azira," I whispered.

"There is no 'our side.' There never was. It's over. It won't work," Aziraphale said, causing me to stand in utter silence. 

"Come on, Azira," I begged after regaining composure. "You know that this-this plan is what needs to be done. You know it's for the better. You made steps towards it with us. We even got in trouble countless times for interacting with Crowley, but I've always backed you up, and you've always done the same for me. He's important to you; I'm important to you. This would not only save humanity, but the two of you, too."

"I won't do it," Aziraphale insisted. "We're angels, and he's a demon. Our kinds aren't supposed to mix. We follow whatever the true Plan is because that's what God wants. Crowley is incapable of doing good, and I thought you were incapable of doing wrong. I didn't think you would be the one to betray me like this."

I felt my shoulders fall, like a million weights were just added onto them. Aziraphale wasn't going to help. He was just going to stand by and watch. And he thought I was the one in the wrong. Betrayal? Really? Is that what he saw this as? That's what it felt like to me; he was betraying us. 

I scoffed softly, shaking my head. "Well that's the thing about betrayal, isn't it? It never comes from your enemies." I closed my wings, letting them disappear into my back before turning. "Come on, Crowley. We've got work to do."

I walked past the demon without a second glance and never threw one over my shoulder at Aziraphale. If it's going to be that way, then it's going to be that way.

The car ride in Crowley's Bentley was silent. But for all I knew, Crowley could've been talking the whole damn time, and I wouldn't have heard a single word.

~~~~~~~

The amount of planning that went into everything drove me absolutely insane, and I didn't have Aziraphale to comfort me whatsoever. We lost touch after our last conversation, and hadn't spoken since. Thankfully, Crowley and I had been right. Everything had gone wrong, and we fixed it. Not that we were necessarily the best at it, but we had fixed it. 

And now it seemed like shit was going down again because God and Satan didn't seem so happy that we were now considered traitors. I had ended up falling. My pure white wings now turned black because of the help I have Crowley. Yet Hell didn't seem to want me either because they knew how Crowley acted. I didn't know what I was, and I wasn't really sure how to feel about it. Having Crowley by my side made it better though. We were on our own side still.

I was just sort of relaxing outside a bakery, eating a donut, when something in my chest felt...wrong. Very wrong. I grabbed my phone and called Crowley, hoping that it wasn't him.

When he picked up, I said, "Nevermind" and hung up immediately. That left one other person since only one other person make me feel like this.

Aziraphale. 

It had been decades since we last spoke, but I knew it was him. He was nearby, and he was in danger. Even though I was very much so hurt by the things he'd said and done, he was still my friend, and I'll be damned if I let anyone hurt him. 

Finding Aziraphale seemed to be like a game of Hot and Cold. The pain hurt more the closer I was to him, less the further away I was. Eventually, I stopped in front of a church and groaned. 

"Really? I know you're an angel, Azira, but here? Of all places? A church? You know I can't go here anymore," I whined, stomping my foot like a child. 

I flung open the door of the church and stomped in, hissing at the pain that was in every step I took. Fuck this consecrated ground. I found myself practically prancing down the main aisle. 

At the alter stood Aziraphale and a couple of men. All of them turned towards me after hearing my hissing.

"Oh — ouch — fuck. Consecrated ground," I explained, bouncing up towards the front. 

The confusion on everyone's face was blatantly clear, especially Aziraphale's. Clearly, I wasn’t supposed to be here, and judging by the look on the mens’ faces, I was interrupting something very important. Whatever Aziraphale was caught up in was nothing good whatsoever. 

“Who are you?” one of the men asked. 

I shifted on my feet once I stopped at the bottom of the alter. “None of your business.”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened when he heard my voice. I suppose he didn’t realize it was me — I looked different since the last time I’d seen him, considering I had also fallen since we last spoke. 

“I’m here for my friend,” I continued, folding my arms over my chest. “Hand him over, and we’ll be on our merry way.”

The other man smirked at me. “Oh? And what are you going to do about it?” He grabbed Aziraphale, spinning him around, pressing a gun to the side of his head.

I froze, stopping my shifting. The ground burned my feet, but it had nothing on the burning in my chest. “You just made a big mistake,” I growled. 

My vision turned into shades of greys, whites, and blacks, showing me that my eyes had turned black. I felt a dull ache on my forehead which told me my horns had grown out to show themselves. There was a slight pinch on my lower lip, telling me that my fangs had also grown out. I looked down at my hands, cracking my fingers. They were pith black with black streaks up my arms and disappearing beneath my clothing. My fingernails were black, pointed, and curved. 

My demon form.

It wasn’t as dramatic as I wished it was, but it was enough to terrify. 

“So you see, you’ve crossed a line. And with me? That’s a big mistake — a huge one. I consider myself to be real nice because hey, I do my own thing. But now? Oh, now you stepped over the line. My friend here — he means no harm — doesn’t understand really what’s going on around him. He’s a bit thick sometimes.”

I saw Aziraphale pout in response to my words, but it was true. He was a bit thick. I took a step closer, needing some kind of movement on my feet since they were burning so badly. 

“So give him back his bag,” I said, gesturing to the bag in the other man’s hand, “and we’ll be on our merry way. Because whatever is in that bag, oh, I can assure you that it isn’t worth your lives.” 

The two men exchanged looks. I couldn’t read them, but I was getting really sick of waiting because my feet were on fire — almost literally. I knew I only waited a couple seconds, but I was just done. The pain made me quite agitated very quickly. 

I snapped, causing the gun to disappear. I rushed up the stairs, grabbed Aziraphale, and covered the two of us with my wings. The walls rumbled, cracked, and began to fall violently. It was over in mere seconds, but the church has been completely destroyed.

I let Aziraphale move away from me as his eyes scanned the rubble around us. 

“Oh, dear me. The books. I ca-“

“All this for a bag of books?!” I nearly shrieked at him.

Aziraphale’s attention stayed on the rubble as he nodded. “Yes, very important books.” 

I tuned out his ramblings as I went over to a spot in the rubble, reached into it, yanked out the bag, and handed it to the angel which immediately shut him up.

“Call it a miracle of my own,” I said before turning and leaving the now toppled church behind. 

“Is it really you?” Aziraphale’s voice causes me to stop.

As I sighed, I felt myself returning back to normal. My head no longer ached, color returned to my vision, teeth shrunk, and the black in my veins and hands disappeared. “Yeah, Azira, it’s really me.”

“You-you’ve fallen.”

I turned to face him. There was still bitterness in my heart from way back then. “Yeah, so what. Go on, make fun of me. You were right; I was wrong.”

“The world was saved because of you,” he said softly. 

I shrugged and turned away. “Yeah, and what did it cost me? Everything. Everything but Crowley.” 

“But humanity was saved.”

“So? Who gives a fuck anymore? Cost me more than I bargained for,” I growled, stalking out of the rubble and onto the sidewalk. 

“Well, ah, I, um, ‘give a fuck.’”

I froze, but only because Aziraphale had never cursed before — not in front of me at least.

“You still have me,” he continued softly. 

I turned, raising an eyebrow at him. “Do I? Because if I recall, I’m a demon, and you’re an angel. ‘Our kinds don’t mix.’ Isn’t that what you said?”

Aziraphale’s cheeks turned a slight red. “I was upset.”

I sighed a little, rubbing a hand down my face. “Me too,” I whispered. “I never wanted to lose you, Aziraphale. Hell, I never wanted to fall. I never wanted any of this. I was in love with you.”

“W-was...?”

I laughed bitterly. “Was. Am. Whatever. Who even cares to define feelings?” I need to know if this is okay. Six thousand years. Are my feelings okay? Is it okay for me to feel this way? 

“I would because I would like to know if I, too, missed my chance to tell you I love you.”

“But I’m a demon,” I whispered.

I can’t remember a time I felt more broken than I did now. Aziraphale walked over to me, set his bag of books down, and pulled me into a hug.

“But your heart is still pure.”

I held him tightly as tears welled up in my eyes. “I’m scared, Azira. I’m so scared. I didn’t mean to fall. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I don’t fit. Azira, I don’t fit anywhere... I’m on my own side now, and it’s so lonely.”

He pulled back, rubbed his thumb over my cheek, and gave me a small smile. “I’m here for you. Just let me be there from now on, okay?”

“Okay,” I breathed out softly. “Okay, Azira, Okay.”

I never wanted to lose him again.

[lizardrosen]

Good Omens isn’t just a love story; it’s a story of love

An angel who loved his Lord enough to stay by her side and try to make things better, and a demon who fell because he loved Creation enough to ask questions, and then fell in love with humanity for its ingenuity and its plants and its alcohol and its constant capacity to choose good or evil but usually somewhere in between. And yes, the angel grows to love humanity as well, loves food and books and music and comfortable well-worn clothes and furniture.

It’s about parents who love their kids even when they don’t understand everything that’s going on, and even when there’s other parent figures or authority figures who couldn’t care less beyond how the child can be a tool. And there’s a range here too, people who put way more pressure on someone else than anyone deserves, but only from love and absolute faith in their abilities.

It’s a story about those who have been used as tools who learn to love themselves enough to walk away from someone they love but who causes them pain. This isn’t selfish at all and perhaps is the most radical love of anything. Because they’re helped along by people who care so deeply about them that they’ll dare them to ask the scary questions. And it can be scary to love someone who’s stuck like that, not because it’s a chore but because it could be so easy for them to get hurt or hurt someone else, but they *love* them, so they stay.

This story is about a dog and a boy who love each other, and a boy and his three friends who love each other, and how all of them love the world so much that their leader tries to destroy it all and the rest stop him from doing it. Yes, both of those come from love and love and love.

And there’s a woman who understands that the intimate relaxation her clients crave has far more to do with the intimacy of a conversation and a cup of tea than with the sex – but she doesn’t judge them for wanting that, either. She cares and loves so much that she’s receptive to spirits even when she’s just putting on a show.

Not that there isn’t plenty of hatred and cruelty, though. It’s about humanity and its reflections, after all, and there’s an Apocalypse on, don’t you know. So much love is in spite of the hate and misery that threatens to consume it; and plenty of unkindness is self-justified by love or its synonyms. And sometimes people are just mean: because they like to be or because it’s what they’re used to doing or because they’ve had a bad evening after some demon tied up all the phone lines in Central London. And that’s humanity too.

Don’t get me wrong, Good Omens is FOR SURE a love story between Crowley and Aziraphale over the millennia, but it’s also so much wonderfully more than that.

[smallnico]

Concerning Good Omens, it's so interesting to me that Crowley is the one most forward about his feelings while Aziraphale keeps them closer to his chest. It goes against trope expectations of their characters imo, since Aziraphale is the "nicer, lighter" one and those character types are usually more open about love. But in another way it makes sense since he probably sees it as giving in to selfish desires/temptation. It just makes their dynamic all the more interesting!

it really does! :> it also contributes to the themes of the book in adaptation by making the two different "types" of person, good and evil, a lot more complicated. it'd be easy to make the kind and loving and good one also very honest and open, especially considering another facet of az's character, that he tends to take other people at their word, but good omens goes the different direction of making aziraphale and crowley People rather than making them Fit -- with good or evil, or with any particular character archetype.

he could see it as giving into desire/temptation! but here's something else to consider, too: crowley and aziraphale both have their own ways of masking their own vulnerability. at the end of the day, both of them are more human because they're vulnerable, despite being immortal and incredibly powerful, and because that makes them more human than anything, they both need to take measures to hide it, particularly from their respective employers. because aziraphale is the sort of person to take people at their word, maybe it's just that he generally assumes others -- particularly other angels -- will believe him as well, when he insists that he doesn't like crowley, or insists that he's interested in stopping the apocalypse for more general "greater good" reasons, rather than showing off his weak spots. another specific example of this apart from crowley is when he talks to gabriel in the first episode, in the sushi restaurant: gabriel asks what he's doing and why, az replies not that he likes sushi or that he enjoys eating, but that sushi is, broadly speaking, good. when gabriel argues that he'd never "soil the celestial temple of (his) body with gross matter", az just doesn't respond, not to defend himself or defend what he's doing, even though in the acting he clearly understands he's being shamed and knows he's not going to do anything about it.

the fact that this is his chosen defense mechanism and he's still so bad at lying, i think, speaks more to the fear of being Discovered or Known rather than any sort of genuine belief in his own denial. he knows he loves crowley -- how could he not know? he admits it in subtle ways all the time -- he just doesn't want to be recognized as having vulnerability, or vices, in az's specific case.

crowley has the same kind of thing. i remember seeing an analytic post about his sunglasses (which i would track down and link but can't, cus mobile is awful) and how they're used as a personal and cinematic shorthand for him disguising his true feelings from prying eyes. crowley can get away with admitting his true feelings because he's better at hiding how vulnerable they make him apart from the feelings themselves. the only thing crowley really outwardly denies is the fact that he's a good person, because he's trying very hard to seem like a good demon, something he never wanted to be in the first place. unlike aziraphale, who By Definition as an angel has to be pure and righteous according to someone else's standards, crowley can get away with having vices because he's a demon, and he can get away with having virtues because he knows how to play it smart so his bosses don't find out and Destroy him.

good and evil are both polar extremities, between which sits humanity and vulnerability. if aziraphale openly admits to liking sushi, that's ammunition to judge him for not being angelic enough. if he openly admits to liking earth, it betrays his human vulnerability, his softness, and it's ammunition to judge him for not being angelic enough. if he openly admits to liking crowley, even without admitting that the two of them are in love, then he gets accused of conspiring with hell, the ultimate evil, cus there's no in-between for angels and demons.

it's easy to interpret az's denial as earnest because of the general vibe he gives off of being a soft and sunshiney classically Good person, and i enjoy that interpretation as much as the next person cus i think he's adorable, but it's like you said, it's not that straightforward. az may not be very good at hiding his feelings and vices to anyone who doesn't trust him at his word (crowley sees right through him nearly as soon as they meet, and so does a generous portion of the audience, cus of michael sheen's acting), but he does massively succeed at appearing pure and simple. like crowley, he's playing it smart. unlike crowley, his boss is literally always watching -- it's god, after all. crowley is allowed to play around his vulnerabilities and act apart from his infernal superiours, but aziraphale isn't allowed to slip at all. he's terrified when the other angels corner him because they've found out he's friends with a demon. the only real admission of personal vulnerability az makes which i can remember off the top of my head is when he says "i'm soft" -- the rest of the time he misdirects that stuff so it isn't about him, or so that it frames him as being in the right/not personally at fault/doing his best anyway. like the scene when he's going to be discorporated during the french revolution, where crowley confronts him for making the mistake of going for crepes during a revolution dressed like a dandy. az's responses during this scene communicate a few things:

1) when confronted with the dress code mistake, az argues that he "has standards" for dress which he isn't willing to relinquish

2) he carefully makes no comment on the fact that he loves crepes so much he's willing to follow them through the french revolution despite his dress standards, instead saying that paris is the only place to get good ones, which doesn't address the fact that he wanted crepes to begin with

3) he blames the executioner for making the mistake of discorporating him, and then blames crowley for the french revolution (before he learns it isn't his fault, after which he says nothing else on the matter)

4) he does absolutely nothing to dirty his hands to get out of the situation he's in. he's supposed to cut down on superfluous miracles, but he says not a word with regards to fashion sense or even the killing of his executioner because he's not the one responsible for either of those things -- crowley is. like he says (more or less) in the climax when they're trying to get into the airbase, "i'm supposed to be the good one, i can't do anything about this guy with a gun who's about to shoot us". he wants to do something, and is pleased when something is done, but if he's the one who does it, then he's the one that ends up judged for whatever it is he does if it happens to be the wrong thing. in the climax, worth noting is that he immediately worries he might've sent the soldier somewhere unpleasant.

i could go on and on about aziraphale and about good omens in general, really. i relate to him a lot, cus that mindset is more or less the root of so much of my anxiety: i'm not an angel, and i'm not claiming to be one, but i am pretty idealistically-minded, and afraid of being condemned by others for just doing my own thing, no matter how much that is synonymous with trying to do things i consider to be good. also like with aziraphale, i've loved humans and human variety too much to be so convinced of my own intrinsic moral/ideological superiority that i don't worry if what i'm doing is the correct thing to do. that's just how it be sometimes.

but back to az's denial of his true feelings on things. i can't be sure that he genuinely feels like his vices and his love for crowley are Bad Things that he needs to cover up, but i feel like given his circumstances and personality, the conflicted feelings of "i love this guy, love is good and it makes me feel good" and "this guy is a demon and he does bad things, ergo i can't be sure that loving him specifically is a good thing, so i'm going to pretend it's not happening because what if it is bad and i don't know it's bad and god makes it so i can't be an angel anymore and have to be a demon as well". really, he's just playing it safe and covering his weak spots in case heaven finds out he's not Good. he's an angel, which means he almost certainly doesn't trust his own judgement enough to self-determine, even though he has opinions galore. you can see it in his eyes and on his face that he believes certain things are right and certain things are wrong no matter whose side is doing it, he's just too afraid of the repercussions to admit it. i love my ethereal son

i'm talking more about the show in this post, but all this is a lot more obvious in his book characterization. lest this post become twice as long, i'll cut myself off here -- if you or anyone else wants to continue the discussion, feel free to! sorry this took so long to respond to.

[eilf]

Latest Episode

I see there's a lot of people who feel like me that, as a Samgirl, we might as well give up on the show because it is just getting endlessly worse. But I have a point, (update it's a rant, be warned) about Castiel telling Dean he's just the greatest and did 'more for Jack than anyone could have'.

Now, obviously this is just the perennial writer hard-on for Dean and their unwillingness to own up to the wrongness of some of the stuff that Dean does. Dean wanted to kill baby-Jack last season...so yeah SAM is the person who did most for Jack by protecting him (from Dean).

But here's the thing, because the writers have this moral vacuum that only applies to Dean's actions (instead of dealing with them like a normal drama) one of, if not the only, purpose for Castiel is to be the devil on Dean's shoulder. He tells Dean that what Dean did was ok BECAUSE it was what Dean did (or in some cases 'is doing'). He's long been Dean's apologist to the audience.

If it weren't for Castiel telling the audience that what Dean did is ok the audience might judge Dean BY NORMAL HUMAN STANDARDS. It's the core contradiction of that character.

He has always been a bad influence on Dean but doing it from a point of 'well, I'm an angel and angels are morally correct and incorrupt and so what I say is right is right.'. The fact that, on Supernatural, every single part of that sentence is untrue is ignored because it's Castiel. But Castiel is, and has been over the years worse than any of the angels. There is nothing at all cute or adorable about Castiel. Since season 4 he has been a bad guy. He isn't even the hero in his own story.

Because the audience loves Dean and doesn't expect him to have to account for himself Castiel is treated as a truth teller - it's circular and self-reinforcing.

Castiel rarely misses a chance to say the opposite to Sam. Sam gets his actions viewed through a magnifying glass - again by Castiel - and again, we say, what has Castiel EVER done right that his opinion on human actions has ANY weight.

Literally NOTHING.

His principle aaccomplishments? He was involved in rescuing Dean from hell once Dean had fulfilled the role the ANGELS wanted him for: break the first seal *sarcastic handclap* and he rescued PART of Sam (possibly deliberately) from hell and then used Sam's soul damage against him (nearly) destroying his mind *no fucking handclap of any sort for this, you dick*.

The bit after the cut is my prime example of the damage Dean lets Castiel do to his moral center because it's easier for Dean than dealing with your mistakes OR apologising.

If you don't want to read it it finishes with:

"(this is literally the most gruesome piece of dialogue in the entire history of Supernatural.

The writer of this revolting...words fail me... is now the SHOWRUNNER)

I'm still pissed about this scene and how the rest of this season played out 5 seasons later.

So....if you are wondering how Castiel could tell Dean that he's the only one who is the bestest person EVAR in a given situation despite all evidence to the contrary ...this is how."

The most obvious example of Castiel's devil-on-your-shoulder moments is following these events in season 9:

Sam has been tricked by Dean into being possessed by an angel, Sam has no agency in anything that follows, he will later be blamed (and the season will be viewed that way) for being 'ungrateful'.

The angel has used Sam to get stronger without really helping Sam.

Dean has used possessed Sam - as if he owns him (ironically the word for this is ALSO 'possession') - to cure other characters on-demand despite being told it was dangerous for Sam (let's be clear here, when Dean took away Sam's self-determination and gaslighted him it was Dean's absolute responsibility to make sure Sam came to no harm - he DID NOT do this.)

Dean considers letting Sam die (this is not the first, or only, time) rather than let the angel win. This is so wrong on every level:

DEAN Well, I don't give a damn who you are. You need to get out – now!

GADREEL And if I don't?

CROWLEY Then you and I will have a lovely little playdate.

GADREEL Even bound, I can rip this body apart. Tell them, Castiel.

DEAN You do, you die.

GADREEL You want this to end? Go ahead. Put a blade through your brother's heart. If it makes you feel better.

Dean then walked away while Crowley was ostensibly 'helping' Sam by sticking needles in his head. Sam was screaming, the very least Dean could have done was stay with him. He didn't last 10 seconds (and you can call this 'Dean caring too much' if you like but you have to know you are fooling yourself if you think that makes it ok.) Who knows if Crowley was taking advantage? Dean didn't, having trusted one angel who betrayed him he is now going to have a pep-talk from an angel who betrayed him and is leaving Sam with someone he KNOWS has abused Sam. But no he went off, stood with his back to Sam and Castiel makes him feel better about Sam being tortured, because that's what matters, right?:

CASTIEL Hey.

DEAN I can't watch that anymore.

CASTIEL I understand. It's not Sam, but... It's still Sam.

(no, Castiel it IS fucking SAM.

Sam could be peacefully at rest by now, Dean hauled him back into this shit.

He's personally responsible for Sam's body at this moment.

THAT is Sam's body over there being tortured, and, if the angel manages it, 'torn apart')

DEAN [voice cracking with emotion) Pretty much, yeah. How are you doing?

(oh gee, Dean didn't take you long to take Castiel's 'out' on this did it? And after it's all over you tell Sam you 'aren't going to apologise for it'. That's because Castiel told you it was ok what you did.)

CASTIEL [kind of surprised] You want to talk about me now?

(yeah, Castiel, we though he had more integrity too, you have been a great influence on him)

DEAN I want to talk about anything that's not a demon sticking needles into my brother's brain.

[DEAN looks out a window trying to control his emotions but we see tears pooling in his eyes] Yeah, humor me, man.

(It's always got to be about about DEAN doesn't it?)

To be clear (at this stage maybe I have been too clear) in this scene of Dean (Sam's brother), Castiel (an angel), Gadreel (an angel) and Crowley (the king of bloody HELL) the only one who had any integrity about Sam's health was Crowley.

CASTIEL You thought his life was at stake.

DEAN Yeah, I got played.

CASTIEL I thought I was saving Heaven. I got played, too.

DEAN [with a weak smile] So you're sayin' we're both a couple of dumbasses?

CASTIEL I prefer the word "trusting." Less dumb. Less ass.

(this is literally the most gruesome piece of dialogue in the entire history of Supernatural. The writer of this revolting...words fail me... is now the SHOWRUNNER)

This is what is happening while the above excuse for both Dean AND Castiel is being decided between them:

I'm still pissed about this scene and how the rest of this season played out 5 seasons later.

So....if you are wondering how Castiel could tell Dean that he's the only one who is the bestest person EVAR in a given situation despite all evidence to the contrary ...this is how.

[hekate1308]

How Not To Parent

Drowley AU based on my own post - Dean’s and Crowley’s daughter got into trouble at school. Enjoy!

“She gets that from you, you know.“

Dean Winchester, somewhat irritated, turned to his husband. “I’d like to know why. The last time I checked, we both raised her –“

“She’s your biological daughter” Crowley said smoothly, “So she gets it from you.”

“I never blamed any of Gavin’s faults on you” Dean argued.

And God knew their eldest had not exactly sailed the waters of puberty smoothly.

“That may be, but he also never got us invited to someone else’s home to “clear the air”” Crowley spat.

Dean shook his head. “I know you don’t like it, but if you only ever ate with people you like, you’d only ever eat at home.”

“I fail to see how that would be a problem.”

He sighed. “Crowley...”

“I simply see no merit in us “clearing” anything up. This was clearly a fight between Emma and that bully Walt, so –“

“Stop it” Dean interrupted him.

“Stop what?” he asked innocently.

“You’re proud of her for pummelling him to the ground, I can tell.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Tell me you aren’t.”

“I’m not.”

“Not even a little bit? I can tell when you’re fibbing, you know.”

“I can tell when you’re fibbing” Dean mocked him, then sighed again before conceding, “Of course you’re right. Emma stood up for what she believed in, but that still doesn’t mean that she had a right to hit him. We have to deal with this.”

“I could show her how to handle her enemies without –“

“Oh no” Dean raised his hands to stop him, “You’re not showing her your techniques. Not yet, at least.”

“Why?”

“Because I want her to be able to handle them, not completely destroy her enemies and take their livelihoods.”

Crowley smirked.

“Sometimes I really wonder why I married you.”

His smile fell.

“I didn’t mean that, and you know it.”

And he hadn’t. Sam had asked him countless times if he really wanted to go through with it before the wedding (he and Crowley weren’t exactly the best of friends even now) and Dean had stood by his man each time. He wasn’t about to stop doing that.

Crowley still looked a little sad though, so he stepped up to him. “Hey, I’m sorry, alright?” he began, reaching and trailing his tie with his right hand. “Make it up to you tonight?”

Crowley smiled. “I am counting on that, darling.”

Say one thing about him: As nasty as he could be to others, he was always easy to placate when it came to his loved ones.

“He was insulting Dottie Keenan, and she was this close to crying!” their fourteen-year-old exclaimed. “And there’s nothing worse than openly crying in school!” She hesitated. “Except maybe dying.”

“I am glad” Crowley drawled, “That you have your priorities in order”.

“Just as you taught me, Father.”

“I don’t think anyone’s priorities are in the right place at this very moment” Dean said firmly, knowing well that his husband’s greatest weakness was the tendency to go soft when either he or the kids tried their puppy dog eyes on him, and Emma was definitely using them now.

Little cheater.

“Emma, you can’t just walk around and punch bullies in the face. That’s just not how you do it.”

Crowley threw him a glance and Dean glared back; the last thing he needed was to him indeed starting to explain to Emma how to best ruin Walt’s life and look innocent.

Thankfully, he stayed silent.

“Actually I think...” Dean trailed off. He knew he should probably punish Emma, but how could he do that when she had been sticking up for another girl? There were so many bad people in the world, someone had to take them on.

He sighed. “Don’t do it again. And if anyone asks – especially Uncle Sam – you were dealt with most severely, young lady, do you hear?”

She grinned and skipped off to call Gavin, who was doing his first semester at Stanford. They’d probably end up laughing together over their dumb parents.

Dean wouldn’t have had them any other way.

“Look at this tacky window frames.”

“Crowley, not everyone has the money for designer ones” Dean reminded him.

Money had indeed been an issue between them in the beginning, and had more than once almost separated them. Dean had taken a while to realize that Crowley throwing expensive gifts at him was not meant to be condescending, but indeed him spoiling those he cared about at every opportunity.

“I am not talking about them being cheap, I am talking about them being tasteless.”

“Any chance you won’t be acting like this in front of Walt’s parents?”

“If they start badmouthing our daughter, no.”

Dean’s heart beat faster even as he knew that he probably shouldn’t encourage that line of thinking, but he would always be touched at Crowley’s devotion to his family. He took his hand and squeezed it. “Let’s do this.”

To say this was awkward would have been an understatement.

Mr. and Mrs. Irving lacked all understanding that their son’s behaviour might have had something to do with Emma’s attack.

“Our daughter” Dean tried again, “Has told us that Walt was... annoying a young lady she’s friends with, and she wouldn’t lie to us –“

“Are you sure there?” Mrs. Irving interrupted him. “Why wouldn’t she lie, since she was the offending party?”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“I do hope you have taken proper measures to ensure something like this won’t happen again” the woman dared to announced, “We’ve been thinking about making a complaint because the school didn’t act either.”

That was because everyone at school knew Wart Irving to be an unlikeable bully, but Dean had to word his answer differently.

“The school investigated the incident, and it is procedure in such cases that when it is found –“

“Pardon, but why would you know anything about the procedures involved in such matters?” Mr. Irving asked and studied him with a contemptuous expression on his face.

Really? Not only did they have to raise their son like this, but now they had to be elitists too? Dean was working his usual t-shirt and jeans get-up he put on once he came home for the evening, since he’d decided he might as well get this over with in the clothes he felt most comfortable in.

Crowley, of course, always wore a suit. Dean had only got him to wear something casual on a few memorable occasions.

“I’m a teacher myself” he said.

He was used to people reacting with surprise; apparently no one expected someone looking like him to want to educate kids.

By now, he’d stopped feeling resentful about it.

His husband, he remembered a little too late, had not. Crowley not only seemed to think that Dean was more than entitled to be treated with respect by each and every member of the human race, but also to consider any criticism of his husband as a criticism of himself.

“How could they possibly think” he’d fumed one day after dressing down a rather impertinent waiter, “That I would take anything but the best?”

But then, he’d always been a romantic at heart, even though he pretended not to be. Dean was rather sure his wedding ring hadn’t left his finger since he put it there.

And so, the inevitable happened.

“I do find it fascinating that you cannot manage to explain to your son that harassing others is a bad thing, but you do find the time to judge my husband for not being dressed the way you think teachers should be.”

“It’s not about his profession, it’s about self respect.”

And that, thankfully, was when Mrs. Irving did the right thing for the first time that evening and hastily said, “Dinner was ready.”

Dean guessed she saw murder in Crowley’s eyes and takes his hand as they are being led to the table. He throws him a glance that could be considered apologetic – if Dean didn’t know him that well. It will have to be enough.

Dinner was cooked well enough, he supposed, although it had nothing against his burgers (if he said so himself). Mr. and Mrs. Irving followed the age-old rule that nothing bad should be discussed at table, and he was glad to make some stilted small talk about the school he himself worked at, Gavin’s progress, and Crowley’s business.

As to Crowley himself, the stoic silence he maintained was probably for the best. He could take just about any indignity when it was directed towards himself – otherwise he’d hardly have managed to build up his own firm from ground up – but when it came to his family...

Afterwards, they were led back to the living room while both Irvings disappeared to get them drinks.

For about a minute, they sat next to each other on the couch, completely silent; then Dean couldn’t help it anymore.

He began to chuckle.

Crowley grinned. “I will say this, they are more perceptive than some of my erstwhile business partners.”

“You were pretty obvious. Did you have to look at him like you wanted to stab him?”

“I did.”

“Crowley –“

“I will try not to glare at them. Happy?”

It was an almost heroic act, so Dean acquiesced.

When they finally came back with glasses of red wine for each of them – Dean sighed internally because if there was one other thing that could raise Crowley’s hackles, it was serving him bad wine – he decided to try and broach the subject again.

“Look, I am sorry Emma punched Walt” he began carefully. “And we have explained to her that she should refrain from such techniques in the future when she wants to help someone. But I still feel that Walt’s behaviour needs to be addressed as well.”

“I don’t –“ Mr. Irving began, but stopped suddenly. Dean had no idea why until Crowley took his hand and he glanced at his husband to see him smile at the others – in that threatening, I-am-going-to-kill-you-for-this-later way he had during company meetings.

Quite frankly, he was glad they weren’t sitting at the table anymore so no knives where in reach.

Mr. Irving swallowed and Dean told himself that he had no right to find Crowley’s behaviour sexy in front of the parents of the child their daughter had hit.

“I know you don’t think so, Mr. Irving, but it might be a good idea to think about it again before we sue you.”

“Sue us? Why?”

“For starters, for the emotional damage done to our daughter –“

“She punched our son!”

“Oh yes” Crowley said, leaning forward, still that unsettling smile on his lips. “She did. But guess what. That doesn’t mean a thing when I am after someone. And I should warn you that my brother-in-law is one of the best lawyers in the State. Not only would I win, but I’d take most of your savings and this house, while we’re at it.”

He stood up, pulling Dean up as well. “I think that cleared everything up, then. Enjoy your evening.”

“That was a bit harsh” He said once they were on the street.

Crowley sighed. “Dean –“

“They were not that impolite –“

“That’s not it. That’s not it at all.”

“UI don’t understand.”

“Did you notice something about the house?”

“Can you be more specific –“ Dean was about to complain when he went through the rooms he had seen in his mind and realized. “Where are the family pictures? They have a kid.”

“Exactly.”

“But that doesn’t have to mean –“

“Dean, I have pictures from their ultrasounds to Gavin’s high school graduation on my office desk. I know what neglect can do to a young mind.”

Dean winced in sympathy as he remembered what Crowley had told him about his own childhood. “but we still don’t know –“

“I recognize a house without love. I’ve been living in the opposite for too long now.”

“You sap” he muttered.

“Your sap. And we better keep an eye on the situation, in case the kid needs help.”

“Fine” Dean mumbled, dragging him into a kiss, “But if we eventually have to get him out of there, you’re the one explaining to Emma why we did it.”

“It’s a deal, darling.”

[cardinaldaughter]

Can we also talk about the fact that Crowley is responsible for the need of Jesus’ birth and death?

In Christian theology, Jesus is the son of god who was born to die to save all mankind from sin. The very sin caused by Crowley. Crowley tempted Eve into the Original Sin which is WHY Jesus’ death was necessary. The original sin separates man from god. Jesus’ sacrifice bridges that gap. It’s Crowley’s fault, unintentionally, that Jesus had to suffer the way he did. And I think Crowley knew that. And I think that bothered him. It’s why he comes to the crucifixtion. It’s why he snaps at Aziraphale (“here to smirk?”). He’s mad that Jesus has to suffer. He’s mad that God is punishing her son. He’s mad that this man is being punished because of Crowley’s actions. He’s mad that the Great Plan is so full of cruelty and judgement and pain against the people that God breathed life into.

And I think that’s another reason why, as stated above, he probably spent 40 days and nights with Jesus. Talking, asking questions, and possibly, in addition to trying to make sense of the Great Plan, also trying to reconcile the part he played in this “bright young man’s” torture and death.

I imagine that when Crowley came to Jesus, rather than treat him like the serpent he was, Jesus did the very thing that (according to Aziraphale) got him killed. He was kind. He was kind to Crowley, the person responsible for his death being necessary. But Jesus doesn’t judge Crowley for that. He just accepts him. Loves him. Because that’s who Christ is. Love. If god is judgement, Christ is mercy. And I think that appealed to Crowley. I think Crowley- “unforgivable, that’s what I am” Crowley- needed that mercy. Maybe Jesus couldn’t forgive him outright because he is a demon. But he could show him mercy. And I think Crowley needed to experience that.

I also think it’s why, after the fact, he wants the Arrangement. Sure, it’s partly to see and mess with Aziraphale. But I also think that a part of him hates tempting people, because it reminds him of his First Temptation, and the life it ultimately destroyed.

I think it’s also one of several reasons why he’s so hellbent (pun intended) on saving humanity. Jesus died for these people. Crowley is going to make sure that his death wasn’t in vain. He’s going to make sure he extends that same mercy that was shown to him in the wilderness to the people that Jesus loved so much, he willingly died for them.

when aziraphale asked if crowley knew jesus, he said yes, and that he showed him the kingdoms of the world bc he was just a carpenter, but I think there’s more to that. look at his face

he’s so soft, and hurt, and expressive. he’s always had borderline insider information about the world and the plans — in his apartment, he yells up at god, that he thought the humans would be tested, but not to destruction—he probably knew what would happen to Jesus, that a guy like that wasn’t going to survive. even worse, that he was a part of a plan that he personally couldn’t stop. so he shows him how big and vast and beautiful the world is instead.

this is the final breaking point for him, the one that hardens him. the one that closes him off. when we see him again in rome, just eight years later, there’s a significant change in his temperament, his body language, his everything. to be honest, the first time we see a piece of That crowley, the one he left behind after the cruxifiction, was when he smiled at aziraphale in the ritz

[ineffable-endearments]

Self-Image and Roles

Aziraphale’s sense of self-worth was based on Heaven’s approval since the Beginning. The very first dialogue he has in the whole series is used to worry that he might have Done The Wrong Thing by giving away the flaming sword. It’s really interesting to note that the audience (Crowley, and most real people I know who’ve seen the show) is immensely charmed by this show of compassion, but Aziraphale is frightened by it. He couldn’t resist doing it because he didn’t want to see Adam and Eve get hurt, but now he’s just concerned that his pity for these naked, sad creatures might have been somehow wrong.

The next we see is of God asking where the Sword is. We joke about Aziraphale lying to an omniscient God and that is definitely hilarious, but if you want to take a more serious look at it, he is afraid to tell Her out loud. She certainly must know what’s happened. And I doubt he doesn’t realize that. I think it’s just that admitting it out loud would make it feel more...intentional, maybe? Like, more brazen. Trying to wiggle your way out of a situation with a superior with a vague lie is very different from looking them in the eye and saying “yeah, I did it”.

Noah’s Ark. Aziraphale is profoundly miserable to be there. This time Crowley’s here too, and he gives a voice to Aziraphale’s doubts. Aziraphale protests, telling him it’s all Ineffable, and you can tell his heart’s not in the denial. But he’s the picture of fear and anxiety here. He’s not interested in stepping away from Heaven, but he obviously doesn’t disagree with Crowley. I think he is caught up in the fact that he hates this but his own judgement has no value because you can’t judge the Almighty.

The Crucifixion. The only talk of Heaven is Aziraphale distancing himself from their “policy decisions”. He doesn’t agree with what’s happening at all, but he still operates under two assumptions beleaguered employees everywhere make about their employers: that Heaven knows best and that he’s powerless to do anything to change it. Otherwise, both Aziraphale and Crowley are about as miserable as we see them with regards to human business in this scene.

Rome. Aziraphale is alone, and approaches Crowley to ask if Crowley is still a demon. This is a bit offensive to Crowley, I think, who responds that there is no other option. But Aziraphale persists, bringing up the oysters, “well let me tempt you to - oh that’s your job, isn’t it?” He’s reinforcing their angel and demon roles while at the same time informing Crowley that if he’s asked for social time, he will definitely say “yes”. Probably sees himself as 1. an angel (inseparable from Heaven’s will) and 2. an idle pastime.

Arthurian England. Crowley first suggests not doing their work and just telling Heaven and Hell that it’s been done anyway. At first Aziraphale makes a show of looking like he cares about lying to Heaven, but as the scene goes on it becomes clear that what he really cares about is Heaven’s approval. Not only would he be lying, but he’d be found out. Probably sees himself as 1. an angel and 2. an excuse.

Shakespearean England. Crowley tempts Aziraphale into teaming up to deal with the blessings and the temptation in Edinburgh. Aziraphale’s one and only complaint here is that “if Hell finds out, they won’t just be angry - they’ll destroy you.” As with Adam and Eve, Aziraphale doesn’t want anything bad to happen to Crowley, but he thinks this softness means there’s something wrong with him.

Also, up until now, it appears that all of Crowley’s suggestions have been work-related, and Aziraphale ends up losing the coin toss. Aziraphale does convince Crowley to miracle Hamlet into a success, but he seems actually surprised by the favor. I think around now is when he’s realizing he might actually be a friend.

TL;DR Aziraphale’s own self-worth is based in Heaven’s opinion, but he genuinely enjoys “the enemy’s” company and is upset by the notion that something could happen to said “enemy.” Because of this, I think it is safe to say that Aziraphale arrives at the conclusion that his desires do not matter.

Paris. This event, which I think was a conscious test of the relationship, should be the first big proof to Aziraphale that he means more to Crowley than an easy way out of work. It can’t be said out loud, as Crowley reminds him, but Aziraphale is now 1. an angel and 2. a friend but also 3. a risk.

St. James’s Park, Victorian era. During this particular episode, Aziraphale denies that he and Crowley have anything in common, because Crowley is Fallen. He’s once again reaching to Heaven for his personal worth. When Crowley persists in asking for a favor (it’s the Holy Water), Aziraphale’s first instinct is to cite Crowley’s safety, stating he won’t give him a suicide pill, and then to cite Heaven, stating that he would be in trouble with them.

This is Aziraphale desperately, desperately trying to maintain a comfortable status quo. His own self-worth is tied up in Heaven, but he still cares about Crowley. These two things are entirely not compatible, because as has been established, Aziraphale’s opinions and feelings do not matter. From this perspective, if Crowley really thinks this whole thing is so dangerous, then it’s going to be better for both of them if they just separate. Crowley then outright tells Aziraphale he doesn’t matter. Aziraphale seems to believe him. Aziraphale is 1. an angel and 2. a risk.

London, 1941. The church bombing. Aziraphale starts out this interaction quite angry, then relaxes when it’s clear Crowley is here to help. Then Crowley does The Thing. The saving of the books. It’s a gesture of real caring - he knew Aziraphale would care about the books, and he knew Aziraphale would forget to save the books, and he chose to do the kind thing for someone who had yelled at him last time they talked. There is no plausible deniability here, not to Aziraphale or to anyone else. Everyone loves to speculate about this moment, given that Michael Sheen said it’s when he thinks Aziraphale fell in love, but among other things, I think that this is also the moment Aziraphale realizes Crowley’s connection to him is real, heartfelt, and not going away. Aziraphale is 1. an angel and 2. a friend and 3. a risk Crowley is choosing to assume.

Soho, 1967. Aziraphale finally capitulates and gives Crowley holy water, demonstrating that he, too, cares for Crowley, but is unable to leave his own Side the way that Crowley would be willing to leave Hell. Aziraphale is 1. an angel, 2. beloved by the enemy, 3. dangerous.

Jump to modern times. Birth of the Antichrist. They make a whole new agreement, shake on it and everything, to be “godfathers” (and yes, it seems like Aziraphale is enthusiastic about that role). He is actually afraid of Heaven, intimidated by their power, but still draws personal meaning from them; being an angel still matters. I think in some ways he’s holding out because he’s hoping Heaven holds the key to stopping Armageddon if all else fails (early on, he asks Crowley what they’ll do if their godfather plan fails, and Crowley doesn’t have an answer). Aziraphale does view himself as an important friend to Crowley, but I think he finds himself questioning his importance a bit as Crowley seems to be declining all his ideas for saving the world...

...Except then, Crowley COMPLETELY shocks Aziraphale by suggesting they should run away together. Aziraphale was obviously not expecting that, and took it as a betrayal of the Side they’d created for themselves by being godfathers (even though this is so painfully not even remotely what Crowley was trying to do).

The bandstand breakup parallels the 1862 breakup to an absurdly close degree - same park, Aziraphale approaching Crowley looking anxiously over his shoulder. If things aren’t going to work out anyway, if Crowley refuses to join Heaven and keeps rejecting Aziraphale’s plans to save the Earth, then his association with Aziraphale is nothing but a danger to himself. It’s the same thought process that took place in the same park in 1862, except for one key difference: Aziraphale implies that Crowley could be an angel again this time. He does retreat to “I’m a great deal holier than thou, that’s the whole point” but this is only after Crowley has vehemently refused any notion that he could ever align with Heaven again.

In this complicated case, Aziraphale is 1. a questioning angel, 2. a godfather to Earth, 3. beloved, and 4. a huge risk.

Because he STILL identifies with being an angel (more and more hesitantly every hour), Aziraphale’s opinion on all this does not matter. It was not allowed to matter thousands of years ago, it was not allowed to matter in 1862, it was not allowed to matter in 1967, and it is not allowed to matter now.

Until.

Aziraphale’s tenuous balance is finally overthrown when he discovers that Heaven does not care about protecting Earth and will stop at nothing to decimate its enemy, which necessarily includes the “enemy” who loves Aziraphale. There is literally no Higher Power to turn to. Aziraphale decides he really doesn’t care about being a good angel so much anymore, and prefers the godfather role, seeking out his fellow godparent right away. He is no longer bound by Heaven’s approval.

Through the millennia, time spent balancing life on Earth, Crowley gave Aziraphale his second meaning, the one after being an angel, the one he eventually chooses. And that second meaning came through the Earth, through their mutual love for this place that Heaven and Hell disdained - and their love for each other and the gifts that each gave the Earth as well.

[hekate1308]

Diplomacy

I know OCs aren’t most people’s cup of tea, but I fell in love with the water wraith in my season 12 AU, so when I had an idea how she could advance the story... Enjoy!

Summary: She has decided to give him a chance. She can always drown him if he doesn’t listen. 

At first she thought she’d wait. See what Dean, Cas and Sam say about it.

But water is mercurial, ever-changing, and so is she, who was born by the element.

So when Mel gets the news that one of the Men of Letters is doing another recruitment drive that will no doubt prove unsuccessful, she decides to act.

It takes a lot of power to travel from one body of water to another, but where there is a stream, she will always be replenished. She might need to rest for a while afterwards, but she’ll be fine.  

As soon as she finds herself in the small lake, she closes her eyes and allows herself to feel, to flow, to empty herself into the new waters.

Yes. There he is.

And there is Mel, or part of her essence at least, in a drop that’s running down the glass in front of him.

She’s learned all she needs to know about them from her friends.

This one’s called Mick. According to Sam, he isn’t as bad as the others.

She’ll see.

He doesn’t look happy. As she predicted, the hunter wants nothing to do with him.

She smiles.

Water has many forms.

He’ll learn to fear one today.        

Mick is... rather sure he left the car hereabouts. That’s right, surely?

The fog reminds him of home.

The only home he ever knew. Kendrick’s...

We can leave, Mick, we don’t have to –

No – no, Mick, please –

He shakes his head to get rid of the voice of his long-dead best friend.

What is the matter with him today?

He was feeling rather antsy the whole interview, as if something was watching him...

But they’d know if there was supernatural activity here, they always do –

Except they didn’t know about the alpha, or the vampire attack, or –

He shakes his head once more.

He’s feeling terribly confused at the moment.

God, he needs a cup of tea. A proper one, not one made in the microwave.

That’s when he hears it.

Water so often looks peaceful when it is not. Warm. Inviting.

Especially to those whose souls desperately yearn for salvation.

There is a darkness inside Mick Davies she can use.

She calls out to him as her forefathers used to do.

It’s in her nature.

To refrain from it has been her choice her whole life.

And even now, she doesn’t want to kill.

At least, not yet.

Desperately, he stumbles towards the call, the voice that promises he’ll find everything he needs.

Suddenly, there’s no more solid ground under his feet, water closes over his head, and he can’t breathe.

He looks nice enough, she supposes. Not like a homicidal maniac.

But then, Dean and Cas don’t look like the most adorable love doves in history either at first glance.

She’s frisked him, of course.

Holy water and a gun with silver bullets. Nothing that could hurt her.

She can keep the “air bubble” as Dean would probably call it with a wink up for a while. She’ll let him wake up on his own.

Eventually, his eyes flatter open.

Mel watches him getting his bearings with an amused smile. Humans. They’re so easily confused.

All the more reason the Winchesters are special.

“What – “ he tries to scramble away from her, but finds he can’t since there’s nothing for him to run to.

“Relax” she tells him. “Nothing will happen to you... right now.”

It doesn’t seem to reassure him, judging from the expression in his eyes, but he swallows and nods.

Well trained.

The Winchesters told her they were. To a certain grade.

“What are you?”

“Can’t you tell?” she laughs. “I thought you guys were supposed to be the experts.”

When he doesn’t answer, she opens her hand and lets a gentle stream trickle over her palm.

It feels good after several minutes in the air.

“You’re – you’re a water wraith” he breathes.

“So you do know.”

Somehow, he manages to stand up. Mel is impressed.

Sam was right. There is something there.

“Don’t reach for your gun. It wouldn’t work on me.”

Mel chuckles when she guesses his next thought.

“Holy water? Really? I think you are out of your element”.

“Just kill me” he spits in what she thinks is an attempt to be defiant, even though to her it’s mostly cute. Nothing like Dean and Cas when they want to look threatening. No one would dare cross their paths apart from –

Well, idiots.

“I don’t want to kill you.”

“Then why take me?”

“We need to talk”. After a pause she adds, “About the Winchesters.”

His eyes narrow.

“What about them?”

“I was hoping you’d be a bit more cooperative” she huffs. “This imbecile war you decided to wage upon them.”

“Imbecile? They killed one of ours!”

“Oh no” she mocks him, “not your... psycho.”

“Yes” she adds when he attempts to move farther away.

“I know all about Ketch”.

“Then you must understand – “

“Must I? That’s rich, coming from you. I’m just a monster, right? I’m something that needs to be exterminated, killed, wiped off the face of the earth. That’s how you think, isn’t it?”

And then she tells him something no human has ever heard before, not even her friends.

“We knew the English waters were empty, and we wept for them. We didn’t realize why. But we nature spirits? We are needed. We keep the streams clean, we look after the environment. Without us, there wouldn’t be the balance the earth needs to survive.”

Rage pounds through her. At the moment, she’d love nothing more than to drown him, make him feel what it is liked to be destroyed, but she can’t. She thinks of Dean, of Cas, of Sam, Crowley – she’s here to make an effort.

“But we would know – “

“Would you? Have you ever thought to ask?”

He looks away.

“I thought so. There are more things in heaven and earth than can be found in books and half-understood knowledge, Mick Davies.”

“How do you know – “

“Are you really so daft?”

She moves closer until he can’t step away anymore.

“I’ll tell you. The Winchester are my friends. I know what your group is up to. And I wanted to show you what you are up against. There are more friendly “monsters” than me. Many more. And many owe the Winchesters.”

“In that case, why don’t you just kill me? One Man of Letters you don’t have to worry about you.”

“Because unlike you I listen. And Sam assures me there is some worth in you. I’m not sure about that, but I do know there is something you are keeping deeply buried in your soul.”

“H- how?” he mumbles.

“There was a time when oceans and lakes were holy places to humans because they are gateways. How can I not?”

Finally, something like understanding dawns in his eyes.

“You will have to make a decision, Mick Davies. Be careful which side you choose.”

“Wait – “ he calls out just as she is about to bring him back to the water (surely he can swim to the surface) “I don’t even know your name!”

For the first time, she grants him a genuine smile.

“Mel.”

His beloved is still asleep.

So is Sam.

He’ll let them rest. They’ll all need their strength for the things that will come.

Meanwhile, Cas is making pancakes.

There are many who will never understand his choice to fall, but he made it that day, when Dean came to him, having left his family, choosing to come to him, only to him.

Whatever time they are given will mean more to him than the eternity he could have spent as an angel.

His phone rings.

It’s Mel.

He relaxes. It’s probably not an emergency, then. Mel calls at all hours.

In a way, he understands her better than Dean or Sam ever could.

He remembers what it’s like not to be human, but to adore them passionately.

“Mel”.

“Hey, Cas, there is news.”

“Good or bad?” he asks automatically.

Rituals have to be followed. The creatures they have befriended have decided to live a peaceful life; they owe them that much.

“Good!”

She sounds... excited.

“Sam said than one of them might be willing to... listen”.

He’s careful not to let her see that the comment worries him.

Mel is a wonderful friend, but she doesn’t feel like a human because she isn’t.

He remembers.

“So I talked to him.”

“You talked to Mick Davies?”

“Yes, and then I let him swim away. I think Sam’s right. We might make an ally there.”

That’s excellent news, really. They could use an inside man.

“I’d let him stew for a bit, though. He has to think.”

Thought has always been the enemy of conviction. How easy it all seemed at the beginning of the Apocalypse. But then, he didn’t know –

Warm arms wrap around him. He relaxes into his beloved’s hold.

“Morning, Cas” Dean whispers, kissing his neck.”

Mel laughs, happy, carefree, welcome like a spring in the dessert.

“If I know anything about you, it’s time to feed your fear-cèile. Give them my greetings, Cas.”

“I will.”

“Beannachd leat, Cas.“

“Mar sin leat, Mel.“

“Mel?“ Dean turns him around to kiss him properly after he hangs up.

“I’d ask “Is there news” but I can tell from your expression. What’s that gleam in your eyes for, angel?”

Later, he decides.

Right now, he’d rather kiss his hunter again.