#he doesn’t just look like a mini version of his older self like most other characters

[sadiecoocoo]

Baby Jean was the most adorable of them all like look at how happy he is to be getting an omelette he named his omelette guys

[mxvladdy]

Barbatos- True Form

It’s here! Thx for your patience's I hope it’s worth it :<

Last but not least for this series is: Belphegor  

Of all the demons you’ve met, he unnerves you the most. Not because of his demeanor or temperament. No, no you genuinely like him and his company. There is just something about him that unnerves you sometimes. He is just so hard to place.

You see- how can I explain this. The brothers are easy to understand’ easy to neatly categorize and compartmentalize in your mind as friend or foe. For as ancient as they are you do share some common traits. Family lineage for one. Traceable origins. It’s familiar, it’s comforting.

Hells, even Diavolo has an origins, a genealogy one could trace. A family made of stone flesh and blue blood. (He’d be happy to tell you about it too- if you have a few eons to waste).

But Barbatos? Barbatos had just always been- here...there? From the context clues you’ve picked up from Lucifer and Diavolo he was older than even the great kings of the past. He even helped raise the crown price. He grew in experience and expanded his talents, but never aged. Did he have kin? A bloodline? Hell did he even bleed? His very existence raises the hackles of your self preservation skills. 

If he is older than the old kings is he old then the concept of time itself? Does the idea of time really exist to him at all? 

The odd fight or flight feelings he gives you lessen and disappear over time though. He knows he can be quite uncomfortable to the human psychic and evolutionary survival traits instilled in you after hundreds of thousands of years fighting to the top of the food chain. 

It took you a bit, but one day you finally warm up enough to ask him about- well him. How he works, and what is relation with the idea of time even is. It was shot in the dark question. He is a notoriously private demon. But for you he will open up a little. Besides it’s not like you could do anything with the information anyway. Just promise to never tell Solomon. 

The best he can explain time to a mortal is in an analogy. If time was an object it would best be described as a stream or creek to him. And all the little minnows and guppies trapped in it’s currents were the beings of the three realms. While they are bound by the waters he would be the one standing on the riverbank. 

Most of the time he is happy enough to walk alongside the flow. Other times he enjoys simply dipping his feet in and watch it all pass him by seeing what it all does without his intervention. 

Others he’ll slip in himself and gauge out new deviations and channels of his own. He loves to see what flourishes in his hand crafted areas without intervention.

He does confide in you however. Despite his age and maturity he can still slip up from time to time. He is not infallible after all. Barbatos’s corporeal existence depends heavily on his emotional state and mental fortitude. If he is not careful he has a tendency to just-get swept up. 

One moment he is having a delightful time with you over a fresh pot of tea and the next… You had a lovely funeral. Wait- hmmm no. Honestly, humans can be so gaudy sometimes. He was actually offended on your behalf. The flowers weren’t even freshly cut. 

Ah well. Once he is stable he’ll simply dam this stream and kill the flow before this travesty would happen. Now where was he? Ah yes, do you think this blend goes better with Madame Screams or a human bakery? 

Truthfully Barbatos doesn’t use his abilities all that often. It gets boring real quick. But sometimes he is tempted. Anything to do with you is a struggle to be exact. Most streams involving you he is happy to let slip by. All the ones of you falling for the brothers, or his highness, even the angel. There are even a few of you falling for Solomon. Those he doesn’t wise to see. 

But the streams where you fall for him? The itch to look is overwhelming. Just a peek, a small taste of your favor. What had he done to make you his? Did he have a chance in this timeline? He always loved a good mystery. So he’ll bide his time and wait. 

Now naturally there are some other rules to his existence. Being constantly hyper vigilant of himself can get exhausting and he needs to rest. He doesn’t sleep though, not by human standards anyway. You’ve walked in on him “resting” once or twice. He calls it a stasis period. To you he looks like he’s frozen. Stock still and just standing there in his room. His lanky form flickering in and out of focus. After images appear around him, hundreds of different hims there but not. 

It’s an absorption stage, or so he explains. All the input from the trillion parts of hims scattered about all sharing like a hive mind their encounters and experiences. This is the one time every version of him is in sync and very vulnerable. 

While he can convene with all his scattered parts of him in stasis he still cannot be in the same visible area as them. One of the two would have to yield to the other. The weaker one reabsorbed quite violently. It is a most unpleasant feeling. 

After exerting large amounts of energy and not resting it can take him a bit to recover, and it is very noticeable. He lags hard after such instances, literally. The first time you saw him snapping and rubberbanding around the castle gave you a few more grey hairs then was normal for your age. He’s normally smooth movements were now choppy and stiff. It would have been funny if you weren’t so worried for his well being. The only thing to stop him is Diavolo himself having to throw his weight and power around to get him to rest. He hates being reprimanded. 

Don’t get me wrong though. He loves serving the royal family. The years spent in the Devildom have been an utterly delightful vacation. The menial labor and tasks keeps his mind anchored in the present and mutes all the other voices of him to a manageable static. 

Now when it comes to his form quite frankly even he has forgotten what he originally looks like. He has been in this form for so long he might as well call it his original form. You ask to see it once, beyond curious. If you could see it that was. Was he like Dia? A formless form? A mass of contradicting layers stack one on one on top of each other?

He is hesitant to say the least. He consults with himself on this. Have any of the others come across this yet? If not he promises to look into it for you. He practices with Simone, knowing that aside from Solomon he knows the limits of a human. Once certain he comes to you delighted to share himself with you.

He is so smol small. His form fitting neatly in the palm of your hand. He is warm and pulses like with a faint heartbeat. You can’t really make heads or tails of what his defined form really is though. His tiny form is covered in a glowing haze flicks of distorted images and sounds invade your senses whenever you hold him. But one thing you can sense in some kind of bony nodules and slender legs. Thousands of them all skittering and tickling your flesh, like an obscenely long centipede.

Now that you know of this form he likes to pop up from time to time when he misses you. His favorite spot to appear is in the breast pocket of your uniform. It’s dark and quiet and close to your heart. While he can’t talk in this form, the physical closeness is enough for the both of you. 

Mini Fic

“Be honest with me. Which one of me is your favorite?” You flip over onto your pleasantly full stomach. His tea sandwiches and cakes make you feel sleepy. You stretch out with a grunt of happiness enjoying all the little touches that were distinctly Barbatos. The blanket protecting you from the early morning dew smelt of elderflower and juniper. The fleece material was a personal favorite, soft, warm, and perfect. Even the foods had all been your favorites. He had crafted this all with you in mind. Surely you were the favorite. If he would put this much effort into it.

The demon in question hums from his chair. A steaming cup of tea resting lightly on his bottom lip. A perplexing thought. Each one of you was a delight to his many senses, so similar, yet so different at the same time. Like a reflection in a broken mirror. Each one so stunning and vivacious in a way only a human could be. Yet so few even glanced his way. “Does a parent have a treasured child?” He quips back. 

Your peal of laughter warms him better than any tea. “Ha! You must be an only child then.” You snort. He matches your smile, pleased that you were pleased. 

“Perhaps-” He takes a sip cutting off that train of thought there. He didn’t need to sour a pleasant morning with such melancholy questions. Was he an only child? Surely he at least had a sire. If he had such kin would they have not met by now? He was on every plane of existence that he knew of. Had they missed each other? Slipping past each other like ships in the night.

More likely they would be more like two similar ends of a magnet being forcibly kept away by their molecular structure than merely missed chances. Incapable of existing in the same dimension at the same time.

Ignorant to his inner turmoil you flip back over to your back eyeing the snack tray he refilled. “How much longer now?” He checks his pocket watch then looks out at the carnage below them.

The Battle of Omosu was in full swing. The ancient warriors below oblivious to the strangely dressed human and otherworldly man sitting on top of a neighboring cliffside to observe the preordained outcome. “Any moment- now pay attention.” He chastises you but without any heat. Pocketing his watch he comes to sit beside you on the fleece blanket. You scoot closer, happy to have his naturally warmer body beside you. The heat of which fends off the cold sea breeze. “There, look.” He points to a growing patch of bubbles by one of the enemy ships. 

The water turns turbulent, oily green, and black bubbles foaming on top of the surface. “Wow.” It was all you could manage to whisper. 

Leviathan enters the fray now, called forth by his pact barer. The great serpent emerges like a ghost from the depths. Invisible to the other mortals you watch fascinated as his massive tail wraps around a boat crushing it as easily as if it were a stick. Another capsizes, getting pushed away by his massive shoulder. 

The sailors fall into the choppy water mouths open in silent screams. They would not survive after hitting the water. Levi’s legion waits below, ready to drag them deeper down. Their bodies will be added to the Devildom navy. Something dark and humanoid darts around the remaining boats. From what you remember from class Levi had called forth an umibozu from the nearby depth for this fight. Its bloated grey body jostles the boats knocking more sailors overboard whole. The two of them make fast work of the enemy ships. The human sailors pick off the rest.

“Quite impressive.” Barbatos remarks. “I can see why humans want to make deals all the time. But what a terrible cost, don't you think?” 

“What’s going to happen to the pact holder?” You ask. 

“Depends on whatever Levi feels like. Mostly his holders are trapped in the depths of his realms. Left to the devices of their victims. But each brother is different.” The air around you both grows thick with your sudden fear. You rub subconsciously where your pact mark rested, eyes blank. 

He places a firm hand on your thigh bringing your focus back to him. “Don’t worry. Like I said the choice is up to the demon that holds the pact. I doubt you would be advantageous to the royal navy.” You chuckle weakly, still rubbing at the growing chill climbing up your arm. “Will this be enough for your project?” He removes his hand begrudgingly away from your soft leg. “It is getting late.”

You nod glancing back down to the battle. It was already over-with the great sea beasts and demons in the water, Takeda’s forces didn’t stand a chance. You don’t wait to see Levi’s victory lap. “Yes, thank you for your help.” You accept his help in picking up your books and supplies. “I hope Kinz is happy with this.” You had been having a bit of trouble in your history class with Professor Kinz. Nothing major, you had assured him. But if it continued your ranking within the school would be at risk, and with it your scholarships. 

“Any time.” Barbatos moves an elegant hand to the center of your back escorting you away from the edge. A door slowly emerges from within the mist. He grabs the semi-translucent knob and opens it for you. “I know it will be more than satisfactory.” 

“Ye?” You adjust your pack’s shoulder strap bracing yourself for the weirdness of time travel. “Think you can give me next week's lotto numbers? I’m asking for a friend.” Your teasing pulls a deep rumble from him. It was all in good fun, but truth be told he came to find that not keeping one of his many eyes on you had the most enjoyable outcomes. You little human ramblings and witty comebacks being one of them. You at least weren’t afraid to joke around him. 

“Now, who said I did anything of the sort?” He chuckles. Keeping a firm grip on your forearm he ushers you through the threshold. You clung to him hating the sticky feeling of the space between time. It clung to your skin, thousands of webs grab and pull at your clothes knowing that you were not supposed to be outside of their control. You were envious of the fact that you couldn’t experience it the way Barabatos did. To him, this was nothing more than the feel of a cool shower. The pulls of time merely buffering off of him. Hardly a threat like it was to you. 

He sees you off at the gate to the house bowing deeply as you hop up the front stairs waving at him. You had to hurry lest you be late for dinner. Once you had disappeared through the door he melds into the timestream once more emerging in front of your classroom. A week had passed and your paper was due. He was excited to see what you had gotten and just didn’t feel like waiting this time. He could indulge from time to time. 

The bell rings and your class files out. They pay him no mind. The prince’s butler was nothing to gawk at. He counts heads. His frown deepens when you do not appear from the lecture hall. Kinz leaves the room last, her heels clacking obnoxiously on the marble. “Oh! Good afternoon Barbatos, are my services needed by the prince?” She smiles showing far too many teeth to be considered polite. Their mutual dislike of each other was a poorly kept secret. But she had a talent that Diavolo needed; for the moment. 

He matches her predatory smile. “I was here looking for our esteemed exchange student.” Her smile falters, her hackles raising for a moment before her face goes blank. 

“They didn’t show up today.” She flicks her tail dismissively. “You know how pathetic humans are.” She challenges him, locking eyes with him like the fool she was. 

“Hmm. I do not share this sentiment, but it is unusual to have them miss class.” All airs of pleasantly evaporate from him. The cold fury of his ire permeates the narrow hallway. Kinz flinches, breaking eye contact with him. Her weak attempt at dominance is gone. “A moment if you will-” His voice brittle and laced with malice. “I shall return for you later.” He bows shallowly and blinks out of existents leaving the woman quaking in the hall. 

________________________________________________________________

An insult, a complete violation of the rules set by Diavolo himself. If the celestial council caught wind of such a flagrant disregard for your mental well being- the program would be in jeopardy. Hiding your death had been hard enough. But a room full of demons acting out unsupervised? 

Barbatos struggles to control himself. He could feel his grasp on himself waver with each passing second. His very self unraveling at the seams. Your tears fuel his rage.

Kinz stands over you mocking your relentlessness in front of your peers since the brothers were not present in the class. You had been so excited to test your merit on your own, believing that after getting to know the student body you could handle it. Diavolo approved, figuring his name and the program's initiative was enough to protect you- at least on campus. In theory, it seemed like a good idea, you were well liked among the student body. But that same feeling didn’t bleed over to this particular teacher it seems. A grave error on the councils’ part. 

Barbatos watches along with the rest of the silent class as Kinz burns your paper at the front of the lecture hall, berating you for “showing off” and “abusing your statues for brownie points”. You leave halfway through the start of class. A trail of salty tears and ashes left behind in your wake. 

Such disgustingly uncouth behavior. To a guest of the prince no less. To you. 

He arrives inside Diavolo’s office in a blur, filling the empty air by his prince’s side. The younger demon used to the sudden comings and goings of his most trusted ally didn't even look up from his paperwork. “Something the matter? You are getting a little wispy around the edges.” Diavolo asks signing off on a form. 

Barbatos inhales deeply focusing on his present self. The unneeded action of breathing, the expanding and contracting of his chest cavity was soothing. Not necessary for him, but nice. Yet another odd quirk he had picked up during his time in the Devildom. “Kinz has been putting the program in jeopardy.” He grinds out once he finally locks himself back in. 

“Oh?” Diavolo dips his pen in its ink well. “That is quite unfortunate for her. Do you suggest a council meeting on the matter?” Barbatos bites his cheek. 

“I believe her offense far outweighs just a slap on the wrist. I believe her tenure should be revoked. This isn’t her first strike.” 

Diavolo chuckles resting back in his chair. He gives his full attention to his butler who was bustling around the room, tiding an already spotless room. “I haven’t seen you this bloodthirsty since those scribes in Alexandria poked at you.” 

“I gave them a fair warning. As I have with Kinz.” He bristles. Diavolo waves a hand, willing to listen. “Kinz has taken up public humiliation and verbal abuses since the brothers are not around to interject. You know how she is. This will only accelerate in time if not nipped now.” 

“Is that what you see?” 

“I don’t need to to know.” 

Diavolo sighs deeply, weighing the pros and cons of losing such an asset. He already knew his verdict, as did Barbatos. Even without his powers, they both knew either one of them would bend for you. “Fine.” He returns to his desk of papers. “I will let you do as you please. Just don’t tangle things up too much.” 

“Thank you, my lord.” 

In a way, it was a pity. Kinz is- well- was one of the Devildom’s more esteemed historians. Her place amongst the upper echelon had been a commendable feat. She certainly lasted longer than the archivist and scribes that had come before her. 

 Barbatos stares in disgust at his once stark white gloves. But better soil a pair of gloves or two then touch her wretched corpse with his bare hands. Ugh. Was that some viscera on his wingtips? The cruor of it turns purple as it oxidizes in the open air. Perhaps he had gone a bit overboard. Though to him, it was merited. She had been a pain in his ass for years. Plus the past thirty or so versions of her had put up a bit of a fight. Once even he had walked in on a reflection of him taking her down for some other transgressions. He rolls his shoulders as a phantom twitch shoots up his spin. Merging consciousness was unbearable. Yet, as he went about his duties “cleaning” he realized he would handle as many as needed to see you safe. Fascinating. 

At first, he had debated with himself on at least keeping a few versions of Kinz around. While he universally hated her, there were a few less volatile Kinz floating around. If only to steal her work for the prince and his goals. But even without her, her discoveries and advancements would be found by others. He had even found a diamond in the rough, a potential successor. Given time to grow and which paths they take they could benefit Diavolo greatly. Even more than her. A gamble he was happy to take. With that discovery, Kinz’s faith was sealed. She was set to be only a figment of a memory left in his mind. The rest of the universe will never remember her.

 ______________________________________________________________

You stare bewildered at the aged bronze plaque on the door. Something about it didn’t sit well with you. But damned if you could place it. It had something to do with the name. Des Moines...Moines? Who in the hells was that? You glance at your schedule like it was your first day of school instead of your 150th. 

Room 325- Demonic history: Professor Des Moines Riel.

This can’t be right. Where was Kinz? You grab at your head crying out at the sudden violent throbbing that erupted between your eyes. The queasiness it caused was beyond description. It was enough to send you to your knees. Indecipherable images layer themselves in your mind, folding and stacking on top of each other. The mounting pressure scares you and then-

Nothing.

Bliss and clarity. Like sucking in a breath of fresh air after a near death experience. What were you thinking about again? How did you end up on the floor? Shaking yourself from your stupor you stumble back to your feet. The school hallway was too stuffy for some reason. You needed to walk away, especially from this door. Just looking at it made your stomach clench. Yes, you needed some fresh air. That’s all. 

“Is something wrong?” Patent leather shoes appear beside you matching your hurried gate effortlessly. You shake your head, not trusting yourself to open your mouth lest you start feeling ill again. Barbatos stops you with a gentle hand on your waist. He scrutinizes you, teal eyes roving over every inch of you. Shucking a glove he places a warm palm on your forehead. “You are clammy.” 

“I’m fine.” You lie through your locked jaw. “Just got dizzy for a second.” He looks alarmed. “Don’t worry about it- probably just one of those mysteries of the school.” 

“I’m not worried about it, but you on the other hand.” He looks up from your flushed face to the hallway you had vacated in such a hurry. The history wing. Could you? Impossible. “Is there an issue inside the department?” Had he missed something? 

“What? Oh, no really! Everything is great! I think.” You lean into his hand now resting idly on your cheek. It felt so good compared to your cold skin. “I just- I could have sworn. Is Riel new?” You rub at the bridge of your nose. A knot was growing between your eyes now. “Where is Kin-Kinel? You draw a blank. A name was on the tip of your tongue. You glance up at Barbatos. His hand on your cheek becoming stiff. “What?”

“Nothing my dear.” He recovers smoothly. The hand on your cheek slides down to your shoulder. “Perhaps you should sit out of this class for today? You sound like you're overworking yourself. I’ll make a note of it to Diavolo and Lucifer so it won’t be counted against you.” 

“I- don’t think that’s wise,” You argue meekly. “I have a paper to work on for this class-”

Barbatos ignores your weak plea. Drawing you close to his side he steers you down to the lower floor. “Nonsense. Why don’t we spend some time together? I can help you with that paper later as a trade.”

Hmm. That wasn’t a bad idea. If any demon could get you out of class and help you make it up it would be him. Maybe a little break would be good for you. Though you can’t remember why you needed it in the first place. 

[sixofpomegranates]

Rain in California - Act 1 - California

🥀Mini Series “Rain in California” Act 1 - Part 1 - California🥀

✨My Main Masterlist✨ | 18+ | AO3 | Wattpad

🥀Soundtrack🥀 | ✨Aestethic Trailer✨ |  🥀Masterlist🥀 | Words: 9.4k

A/N: The music used in this story is not owned by me (obviously) & I used it in the same style that 'Rock of ages' and 'Mamma Mia' used songs. I gave them a different meaning and context. The meaning and context are NOT representing the one that the ORIGINAL ARTIST had.

TW: ANGST, mention of loss/death/addiction/sobriety/murder, suicidal thoughts/tendencies, depression, addiction, substance abuse, drugs, alcohol, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, stalking, death by overdose, mentions of OD, passive aggressiveness, arguing,

Songs in this Chapter: La di die – Nessa Berrett Going to Hell | My Medicine | Heaven Knows – The Pretty Reckless

“Spence?”

 Spencer looked up from his book.

Oh, so now he was allowed to talk with them about the case.

Since the briefing they hadn’t talked to him about anything. Spencer had to beg them, to let him work on this case.

He had really felt left out and why?

Because the stalking victim was a famous Rockstar with addiction issues. Spencer was hurt about his team not wanting him to be on the case because of this. Yes, he had struggled with addiction in the past, but he had been clean for over ten years now.

Was this unfair treatment…this distrust in his sobriety, ever going to stop?

It wasn’t like they had cared much about it when Emily had faked her death or when Maeve died, but this, for them, looked like a too high risk? Because there was a pretty girl involved?

He tried his best not to sound passive aggressive when responding.

 “Yeah, JJ?”, with success.

“I asked if everything´s okay.”

“Sure. Why should anything be wrong?”, the blonde shrugged a little, an apologetic look on her face.

“Well the case-“ “It´s just a stalking case. Nothing we haven’t already seen. I actually wonder why we even need to come. The stalker isn’t aggressive and hasn´t hurt anybody. Right now he´s just importunate. The police should be able to catch this unsub themselves.”, he had accidently let a little of his passive aggressiveness slip and Emily, who was sitting next to JJ, looked at him.

“The record label convinced the police to contact us. They seem worried about their artist.”

“From what I know…this girl can take care of herself.”, Luke snickered, earning himself a ‘Come on, really?’-look from Emily. “Sorry, but have you seen or listened to her music? She could probably beat Reid in a fist fight.”

“Just because she´s making rock music, doesn’t mean she´s tough. But we should talk a little about the case, Reid if you ever feel unco-“, he quickly interrupted her with a snappy tone.

“Why, because she´s an addict? I don’t care about that.”, Emily lifted her hands in a calming manner.

“Okay, jeez. Just the way you´re on edge, since the briefing, doesn’t look like you are okay.”, Spencer took a deep breath, trying to talk calmer this time, now almost pleading in tone.

“I-I know. But I´m clean since was twenty-six. I never touched anything again and I don’t feel the need to. I even regulate my alcohol intake, never drinking more than a beer, maybe two glasses of whiskey. Which means, that statistically all of you are at a higher risk, of becoming addicted, during this case, then I am. You guys need to trust me.”, the dark haired woman sighed and nodded.

“You´re right. I´m- We´re just worried. You´re our friend, Spencer.”, she handed him a file. “Just promise me you talk to one of us, if something changes.”

 He nodded opening the file. A picture of [y/n] looked at him. Dark heavy make-up, dark clothing and jet black hair with colorful streaks.

His younger self would´ve been as attracted as terrified of her.

He flipped through the pages. [y/n] [y/l/n]. Twenty-six years old. Stalker since approximately two years. Nothing extremely outstanding for a stalking case…which was kinda outstanding. No letters, no calls, no pictures, no break in, no threats…sometimes she would get random, expensive present delivered to her mansion, but that was it. Given that she was famous, this presents did not even have to be from a stalker.

 “Are we sure there´s even is a stalker?”, Spencer frowned at his own question, Emily shrugged as a response.

“According to the manager, Philip Schuyler, since the first time she played his concerns down, he gets these calls of a man asking for [y/n] and how she is doing. The label didn’t take it serious after he told them, but then the unsub stole the last finished album from [y/n]´s band ‘Shot Monarch’, before it could get released and distributed, also erasing every digitally existing copy. He then called the manager and send the owner of the record label a letter; typed on a computer, no fingerprints; stating that he wanted to be taken serious. Later [y/n] got the USB, containing all her songs, with a dozen white lilies, her favorite, back per mail with an apology letter; stating that she had done nothing wrong and didn’t need to worry, since he could never harm her or her carrier. That´s when the label pushed the police to contact us.”

“Because they are worried about the music…not the woman.”, JJ sighed, shaking her head.

“Well, that´s the industry. At least her manager is worried. Police states that he got himself a gun license after that and tries to be everywhere [y/n] is.”, Luke added.

“Something about that is off.”, Spencer whispered, rubbing his stubbles, before looking at JJ, Emily and Luke again. “There is nothing that indicates a stalker, but every time somebody doubts his existence, he does something noticeable. I know she is famous and that comes with the stigma of having crazed fans as stalkers, but most stalking in general is committed by someone known to the victim, such as an ex-partner or acquaintance. We should check that out.”, JJ nodded.

“It would also be smart if one of us stays by her site.”, Luke quickly raised his hand.

“I volunteer. I- Like- Really! If necessary I´ll sleep in the SUV.”, Emily raised an eyebrow.

“Can it be that you´re a fan? I heard you and Penelope freak out a little over the case earlier.”, a shy smirk appeared on his lips.

“‘Shot Monarch’ has really good music. Since my road trip a year ago, I love their stuff. Penelope actually tol-”, Spencer interrupted him determined.

“I´ll do it.”, Emily quickly shook her head.

“Reid, no.” “Why not?”, his voice got high, making him quickly cleared his throat. “Because-“ “Because she is taking drugs. Do you trust me that little, Emily?”, Spencer snapped at her and she leaned back into her seat. Sure the others from the team were older than him, but he was in his late thirties, and yet was treated like a child.

 “Fine. If you think you can handle it, do it. But stop being so sassy, I hate that.”, Emily looked at look in defeat. “Luke tell him what you know about [y/n] and the band.”, he nodded pulling out his phone.

“Okay so, [y/n] is the lead singer of ‘Shot Monarch’. She´s from a small town in Ohio and came to LA when she was eighteen, to become a singer after going viral. They are a band since five years, the name never really got explained by them, but it has something to do with the butterfly; at least that’s a fan theory I now from Penelope. Plus it makes sense, because [y/n] has a tattoo of one on the back of her hand.”, Luke flipped through some pictures of older man, reminding Spencer of bikers and insurance agents at the same time. Like middle-aged fathers that liked rock but still had a nine-to-five job.

“Hank, the guitarist, was a lawyer before and in a cover band with his high school friends Tom, the bassist, who worked for an insurance company, and Leroy, the drummer, who was history teacher and is also married to Hank. They met [y/n] at an open mic night and even though she´s twenty-six and they are in their late forties, early fifties, they got along so well, that they became a band. That´s ‘Going to Hell’ by the way. One of the more controversial songs.”, Luke pressed play on the video and already moved the lips to the lyrics.

  “Father did you miss me,

Been locked up a while.

I got caught for what I did but took it all in style.

Laid to rest all my confessions I gave way back when.

Now I'm versed in so much worse,

So I am back again, and he said

For the lives that I take, I'm going to hell!

For the love that I make, I'm going to hell!

Gettin' heavy with the devil, you can hear the wedding bells.”

  “The guitar you´re hearing is a classic Hank. That guy knows what he´s doing.”, Luke added, seemingly in his element, reminding Spencer a lot of Garcia when she was excited.

 Spencer nodded and watched the music video, the overall theme was dark and heavy. [y/n] voice was nice, a little smoky and strong, but everything just sounded so angry. Not really his style, although he preferred older, classical music in general over the ‘normal’ things ‘normal’ people liked. [y/n] wore tightfitting latex, while the men from her band mostly just wore black jeans and shirts, sometimes leather jackets. At one time, she was surrounded by snakes, only wearing white lingerie. She was really pretty, red lipstick making her look like a biting version of Snow White. Like a princess that would rather save herself, becoming the villain along the way, before letting someone else save her.

  “Father did you miss me,

Don't ask me where I've been.

You know I know, yes, I've been told I redefine a sin.

I don't know what's driving me to put this in my head.

Maybe I wish I could die, maybe I am dead!

And he said

For the lives that I fake, I'm going to hell!

For the vows that I break, I'm going to hell!

For the ways that I hurt, when I'm hiking up my skirt.

I am sitting on a throne while they're buried in the dirt.

For the man that I hate, I'm going to hell!

Gettin' heavy with the devil, you can hear the wedding bells.”

  The lyrics and symbolistic in the video mocked parts of the Christian belief system. Such as the bite Eve had taken from the apple, showing [y/n] taking a bite from the forbitten fruit. The last supper and the crucifixion were shown with a dark twist too. This could be a hint of rebellion, to cope with religious trauma, or simply be a way to cause controversy.

“Please forgive me father,

I didn't mean to bother you.

The devil's in me father.

He's inside of everything I do.

For the lives that I take, I'm going to hell!

For the laws that I break, I'm going to hell!

For the love that I hate, I'm going to hell!

For the lies that I make, I'm going to hell!

For the way I condescend and never lend a hand.

My arrogance is making this head buried in the sand.

For the souls I forsake, I'm going to hell!

Gettin' married to the devil, you can hear the wedding bells.”

As the video ended Luke took his phone and put it back into his pocket.

“Their earlier stuff had a little more emotion to it, was about heartbreak, suffering and made you feel. This is one of the more recent ones and you can hear that it´s now mostly just stuff like sex, drugs and anger. Most people think that´s because [y/n] writes all of their music and she´s…seen better days…”, Luke sighed, trying to make it sound as polite as possible.

“Because she started taking drugs?”, Spencer raised his eyebrows, but Luke shook his head. “Oh, no. She, according to many rumors and an interview with her father, has taken drugs since she was a teen. But at this point…she just simply seems to have given up, having chosen to not go deeper with her songs anymore. I mean, they still slap. They just don’t slap your heart anymore, you know?”

“Not so nice, when your father talks to the press about your addiction. Could her father be a suspect?”, JJ asked, making Luke shrug and shake his head at the same time.

“Most likely not. He said in that interview that he wishes her the best, but doesn’t want to speak to her again.”, Emily mouthed a silent ‘ouch’, the whole talk about the rockstars private life making Spencer think.

��Maybe that´s part why she´s taking drugs? Often people use them to cope with-“, Emily interrupted him, profiling [y/n] and her substance abuse, quickly.

“Reid. We´re not going there to fix her, just the stalking situation.”, he nodded, knowing that he had a savior complex, always trying to help and save everybody.

“Exes?”, Spencer asked and Luke shook his head.

“Just one is known, Dean Lennox, singer, now married with kids. He and [y/n] were together for two years and according to him it was toxic. Like, always fighting, jealousy, distrust, fear of being left but she still didn’t want him close at the same time, lying. After their last breakup, he told a gossip magazine, he just couldn’t watch her destroy herself anymore. She never commented on it.”, JJ looked at Spencer worried.

“She seems like a handful, are you sure you can handle her alone?”, he chuckled while nodding.

“I´ve been through worse. How hard can it be to watch a twenty-six year old? When she, like Luke said, really doesn’t want anyone close, I´ll just sit on her couch and let her do her thing.”

*****

After landing in Los Angeles and checking into their hotel, the team drove to police station. There already waited a massage for them with an address. It was from the manager, he wrote that he was terribly sorry, but they needed to come to the recording studio, since the band was on a tight schedule all morning. Luke had tried his best, but Spencer could see his excitement through his tough-guy-façade. He, JJ, Luke and Emily took one of the SUV´s and drove to the address.

 The building they entered was large and with great security. Expensive, white marble flooring in the entire entrance hall. They showed their batches to the lady at the front desk and the security, she called somebody and soon a short, pudgy man, dressed in a designer suit walked out of the elevator and up to them. He smiled at them friendly and shook everyone’s hand.

 “Ah, the agents. I am so glad that you´re here. Hi. Hello. I´m Philip Schuyler, the manager of ‘Shot Monarch’.”, Emily shook his hand and pointed at the team.

“Nice to meet you. I´m unit chief SSA Prentiss, those are SSA Jareau, Alvez and that´s Dr. Spencer Reid. He will take on the job as bodyguard for Miss [y/l/n].”, the man scratched his brown hair, avoiding the bald spot on top.

“Yes, uhm, please just call her [y/n]. She really dislikes being called Miss [y/l/n]. We also already have police and security around her house, so I don’t know how important a personal bodyguard is. I really want this case solved and it would be terrible if we would hinder your work.”, Spencer lifted a finger.

“Actually, it would be better if I´m able to stay close to [y/n]. Normal police and security could probably oversee minor details about the stalker, Mr. Schuyler.”, the man waved off.

“Please, Mr. Schuyler was my father. Philip is completely fine. Everybody calls me that.”, he started walking to the elevator and the agents followed him. “Right now the band´s having a little break. After that, we need to record one more song for the ‘live in the studio’-version of their new album, that just came out. Are you familiar with their music?”, they got into the elevator and Luke already nodded.

“Yeah. Really great. Big fan.”, Emily lifted her hand, silencing Luke.

“I´m sorry. If that´s a problem we can-“, Philip laughed, interrupting her.

“Oh, no, no. [y/n] will love that. She likes meeting fans and showing off her music.”

 They got out of the elevator, walked through the little hallway and entered the large double door in front of them. There was the recording studio. A lot of technical things, Spencer didn’t know much of, and a large glass wall in front of it, showing another room.

 The recording room was large, with a black leather couch and beanbags in it and nice, warm, wooden flooring. A drum set was placed on an vintage looking, red carpet and the overall lighting was warm and inviting as well. The door to the room was open and he could hear the three men, from the band, talking and laughing inside.

 “Guys, can you come out for a bit?”, Philip asked them and they looked up, walking up to them. “Okay, uhm, guys, those are the agents from the FBI. You know? The once coming because of [y/n]´s stalker.”, the largest man, a head taller than Spencer, smiled through his long grey beard that contrasted his bald head.

“Nice to meet you then, I´m Hank. That my husband Leroy,”, they shook hands with the dark skinned, skinny man, who in contrast to his husband was cleanshaven, with short black hair and glasses, “and that´s our friend Tom.”, the chubby, white, blond waved at them friendly.

“Why would like to talk with each of you individually, later at the police station, if that is possible.”, Emily said before introducing her team again, also mentioning Spencer´s duty as bodyguard. Leroy grimaced his face.

“Uh, [y/n] will hate that. The girl does not like being babysat.” “I´m not going to babysit her.”, Spencer answered, making Leroy chuckle. “That´s not how she will see it though.”, Hank sighed and put a hand on Spencer´s shoulder.

“Our girl is going through a lot right now. So it would be nice of you, to not take everything she´s saying personally, okay?”

“Personally?”

 Spencer raised his eyebrows. He desperately hoped [y/n] wouldn’t be a bitch the entire time, since he couldn’t promise to not give her a piece of his mind, if so.

“[y/n]´s a little belligerent…Easy to get triggered and then she blows up like a bomb.”, Tom said and JJ cocked her head. “Is the stalking getting at her?”, Leroy shook his head. “Not really. But her mother died a few months ago and since then…little rough patch. She´ll get better. We all hit rock bottom once.”

“Is she going to therapy?”, Emily asked straight forward, making Tom, the chubby one chuckle. “Not since she hit the last therapist a few years ago. We paid his medical expenses and he was nice enough to not sue her. But we are here to help her, once she´s ready to let us.” “Must be exhausting, for you.”, JJ said empathetic and all the men waved off.

“Because of the drugs? No, it´s not that bad. She´ll collect herself. I have seven kids. Four of them are going through puberty right now. Phil has a toddler and Leroy and Hank have three rescue dogs and a couple of snakes. We can handle her.”, Tom laughed and the rest of the men started too.

“And that little stalker…Imma just say, I´m gonna rip him a new one, should I ever get the chance of meeting him. Counts for all of us.”, Hank added with everyone nodding in agreement.

“[y/n]´s a really nice girl and she´s been through a lot. If you´re nice to her, chances are high she´ll warm up to you and you won´t have any problems.”, Tom said to Spencer making him nod.

“And if she doesn’t?”, the tall doctor didn’t get an answer and just witnessed the rockers share a look.

 Nice girl. Drug issues not so bad. Be nice and maybe she´s nice to you. For Spencer all of that sounded like he would have to walk around on eggshells, while she would blast through walls like a wrecking ball. The manager, Philip, checked his watch and looked around.

 “So, where´s [y/n]? One more song and we´re done. Would be great not to hold up the investigation for too long.”

“She went to the toilet thirty minutes ago. We just ate our sandwiches. She said she wasn’t hungry.”, Leroy answered and at the same moment [y/n] walked in.

 Spencer looked at her and for a moment forgot how to breathe. Short, high waisted, leather skirt, low cut, tank top and biker boots, all black, rounded off with fishnet stockings.  [y/n] looked like she had climbed out of a teenagers wet dream. The perfect, little goth-girlfriend. She stretched a little and Philip looked at her.

 “Bonjour, Philly.”, she said with a sassy undertone, while walking up to him and leaning on his shoulder. He was the same high as her, which wasn’t really tall, about 5,4, if Spencer had to guess.

“Hey, where were you?”, the pudgy man asked her.

“Took a nap in my car.”, she booped his nose and gave him a sheepish little smile. Spencer knew she was high. In fact the whole room knew it.

“You drove here?”, Tom asked shocked and [y/n] grinned sarcastically.

“I guess so, else somebody explain to me why my car´s here.”, Phillip patted her shoulder, looking worried as she took four pills out of an orange pillbox from her bag. He gave her a glass of water and she swallowed them. The men from her band looked at her concerned, making her give them a pearly white smile.

“Headache.”, she explained and they only nodded. Spencer couldn’t help but think, that she wasn’t having a headache and even if she had, it was probably a withdrawal symptom.

“You know that I don’t want you to drive when you´re…”, her manager looked at the agents and stopped talking, making her look at them as well.

“What? Why´d you stop talking? That the fun police?”, she started giggling at her own joke, making the band chuckle, since she clearly didn’t know how accurate she was with her joke.

“That´s the FBI, Princess.”, Hank told her and she made a fake shocked face and then laughed again.

“Officer- No wait, agents, right? I swear I did nothing wrong. Weed´s legal in Cali.”

 The team shared some looks and Spencer couldn’t help but roll his eyes. [y/n] was not just on weed. Most definitely not just on weed.

 “They are here because of your stalker.”, Philip explained and she shrugged almost disappointed.

“Oh, that guy. Well, then hello. Nice to meet you. I´m [y/n].”

 She shook hands with JJ and Emily as they introduced themselves. Luke couldn’t help but breathe in sharply, as he shook her hand and almost choked on his own spit as an aftereffect. She started patting his back with wide opened eyes.

 “Shit, you okay? Asthma?”, [y/n] reached into her black, designer handbag and gave him a bottle with clear liquid. Luke took a sip, quickly grimaced his face and began coughing harder.

“Vodka.”, he stated through his coughing. [y/n] quickly took the bottle from him and took a sip too, without flinching. She then started cracking up at her mistake.

“Whoops. Mixed up the bottles, the other´s probably in my car. Philly, can you bring him…?”, Philip nodded and gave Luke a fresh water bottle from the mini fridge.

 Wow. Vodka hidden in a water bottle. Spencer licked his lips, taking in the view of her bandmates looking at each other. ‘Not that bad’ looked different. ‘Not that bad’ would not have her sleeping in her car, midday, with a bottle of ‘water’ and coming back high as a kite. Luke, by now, had stopped coughing and [y/n] stepped away from him again.

 “You good?”, she asked him, watching him wipe away his tears.

“Y-Yeah. Sorry.”, the black haired girl waved him off.

“Nah, don’t worry. I had asthma till I was twelve.”, he shook his head.

“I- I- No asthma. Just a really big fan.”, she started laughing again and although the light was dimmed, Reid could clearly see Luke´s cheeks turning red.

“Oh, that´s cute. But ‘Take My Breath Away’ is by Berlin.”, that sentence actually made the whole room laugh except for Spencer, who didn’t understand the reference. “What´s your name?”

“Luke Alvez.”, she shook his hand again, this time he didn’t almost choke.

“Well, nice to meet you, Luke. What´s your favorite song of ours?”

“25, no doubt. Really amazing. Like a James Bond song.”, the bandmates chuckled.

“We said that too.”, Leroy snickered, patting Luke´s shoulder and [y/n] nodded.

“It´s also my favorite. Excited to hear one of the new songs?”, Luke nodded excited and she turned her head to Spencer. “We both don’t know each other yet. Hi, I´m [y/n] and you are?”

 She sounded quite collected. Clearly high, but able to think straight if necessary. [y/n] must´ve been doing this for a while now, seeming to have figured out, how much she could handle while working. Spencer had been at that point too once. You wanted to do your work and be good at it, but needed to be high, to make it through the day. So you just tried over a period of time, bit by bit, how much you were able to take before doing a shitty job. ‘Not that bad’ didn’t make you figuring out a system to be high all the time.

 “Dr. Spencer Reid.”, he shook her hand.

“Dr. Reid will be your bodyguard, [y/n].”, Philip explained and quickly earned an angry look, as she let go of Spencer´s hand instantly.

“What? I don’t need a bodyguard, we talked about this.”, she hissed at her manager, but then started laughing after looking Spencer up and down. “And then that guy?”, Philip nodded as she rolled her eyes at him. ‘Do not take it personally’, Spencer told himself.

“I am more than capable of protecting you.”, he stated as friendly as possible, making her giggle.

“From what? A difficult math question?”

 [y/n] mocking tone started to piss him off, but as Spencer felt Emily´s look on him, he played it cool. After all, he had to proof himself able to handle her.

 “Your stalker.”, he corrected her and she licked her lips, pulling out a pack of cigarettes, looking at Luke.

“Since you don’t have asthma, would you mind if I…?”, Luke shook his head and she smiled. “Nice.”, she looked back at Spencer, at his gun. “Philip has a gun too.” “But Philip isn’t an FBI agent.”, Hank told her, making her shake her head in protest, like a little child.

“That´s ridiculous. And all of that just because a stranger sends me stuff, people send me stuff all the time.”

“You should be more worried about this guy.”, Leroy said and Tom nodded in agreement. “Yeah, what if he´s dangerous?”

“What´s the worst that could happen, like honestly, Doctor?”, she cocked her head at Spencer, looking up at him with an almost flirty smile.

“He could kill you.”, he gave back objectively, making the rockers obviously worried. “Geez. You make that sound like it´s a bad thing.”, she snickered and looked over to Luke. “Luke, wanna hear some music?”, he nodded.

“It would be an honor.”, his sentence made her giggle as she walked past him.

“You´re really cute.”

 [y/n] walked into the recording room, Tom, Leroy and Hank following her. She put on her headphones and lit a cigarette, putting the package on the little table next to her mic. Philip closed the door and started pushing some buttons on the sound mixer in front of him. JJ whistled impressed.

 “You do the technical stuff too?”, he nodded, chuckling.

“Since the stalking started, I try having as little people near [y/n] as possible. Thought it might just be a little crush from a weirdo and when he doesn’t get to see her, he gets over it.” “We need a list of the people that worked here though.”, Emily told him and he nodded.

“Of course.”, then he pushed a button and started talking into his microphone. “You guys, ready? Last song. ‘My Medicine’, then we can go home.”

 They all approved of his words and started to playing. [y/n] relighting her cigarette and clearing her throat. Spencer couldn’t tell if that was her simply not caring or doing it for the feeling of the song. However, it seemed to fit the style.

“Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody mixed my medicine”

“I love this already.”, Luke whispered and JJ chuckled.

“You haven’t even heard anything yet.”, she snickered.

“Doesn’t matter, the feeling is there.”, he lifted his arms, showing her his goosebumps.

“Well you hurt where you sleep and you sleep where you lie

Now you're in deep and now you're gonna cry

Got a woman to your left

And a boy to your right

You start to sweat so

Hold me tight 'cause

Somebody mixed my medicine

I don't know what I'm on

Somebody mixed my medicine

Now baby it’s all gone

Somebody mixed my medicine

And somebody's in my head again

And somebody mixed my medicine again, again”

Spencer watched [y/n] starting to move to the rhythm, swaying her hips and tapping her left foot to the beat, then looked to Philip pressing some buttons.

 “She´s gonna be happy with that one.”, he whispered almost to himself and the next time Spencer looked at the band again, it almost felt like she was attentionally singing in his direction.

“Well I drink what you leak and I smoke what you sigh

See you cross the room with that look in your eye

Got a man to his left and a girl to his right

You start to sweat so

Hold me tight 'cause

Somebody mixed my medicine

I don't know what I'm on

Somebody mixed my medicine

Now baby it’s all gone

Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody's in my head again

And somebody mixed my medicine again, again”

She started moving her head in a way that made her long black hair fall in her face, framing her features almost delicately. While Spencer starred and earned some grins from [y/n], he could hear Luke whisper with Emily, who actually seemed to like the music too.

“There's a tiger in the room and a baby in the closet”

The room laughed and Spencer looked confused, having JJ tell him, that it was a movie reference. Sometime he felt like an alien, having such simple references fly over his head. Star Trek or Book references would´ve been easier for him…although he still didn’t know what that ‘Twilight’ book was Penelope and JJ talked about a couple of times. Or that other book all the women had talked about in their break….what was it called, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’? They had told him it was a romance novel, so he just assumed it was like ‘Pride and Prejudice’ by Jane Austen.

“Pour another drink mom I don't even want it

Then I turn around and think I see someone that looks like you”

Philip pressed some buttons again, [y/n] now harmonizing with herself.

“Well you hurt where you sleep and you sleep where you lie

Now you're in deep and now you're gonna cry

Got a woman to your left

And a boy to your right

You start to sweat so

Hold me tight 'cause

Somebody mixed my medicine

I don't know what I'm on

Somebody mixed my medicine

Now baby it’s all gone

Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody's in my head again again

And somebody mixed my medicine

Again, again, again

Again, again, again

Again, again, again”

The music started to slow down again, just like [y/n] movements, making Luke whisper words in awe.

“Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody mixed my medicine”

Philip and the team applauded as [y/n] took her headphones off and the men put their instruments away.

 “I´m happy with that.”, she said looking at Philip. “You, Philly?”

“Sounded great to me.”, he gave back, happy to answer.

“What about my new favorite fan. Luke?”, Luke quickly pushed Spencer aside to get to the microphone.

“Loved every second of it! Like- Amazing! Really!”, she giggled, throwing her head back and came through the door.

“What about my new guard dog?”, Spencer pointed at himself, not knowing if she was talking about him. “Of course you. So, what do you think, Doctor?”

“I- I don’t really know.”, she raised her eyebrows at his answer.

“Okay? Was it the drugs or just the music in general?”, he felt himself go pale. “Ah, okay. You´re prude, get it. I mean you already have that whole tutor-thing about you, so…Bach or Chopin?”

“Pardon?” “Which one? Or is it Mozart, or the deaf bitch, Beethoven?”, she grinned snarky.

 [y/n] had a mocking tone in her voice, making Spencer feel embarrassed and like he was in school again, when the other kids in high school were making fun of him for not being cool enough. But he was too old to be bullied by a little junkie, who thought she was better than him.

 “I´m surprised somebody like you would even know them.”, her smile vanished.

“Little bitch.”, she snapped at him, stepping closer as he cocked his eyebrows at her. Philip quickly walked between the two of them and smiled.

“So, what are we doing next? The albums done. Taken care of. [y/n] have you eaten something today? You wanna go out for dinner?”

“No, I haven’t and no, I don’t want to, when THAT is around.”, with ‘that’ she clearly meant Spencer.

“Now don’t be grumpy, Princess. You started it.”, Hank told her and she started to pout, shoulders relaxing.

“Wasn’t worth my time anyways.”, she murmured and Spencer felt himself getting proud. This was the first person, trying to bully him, he had stand a chance against.

“So, we´re gonna need you at the police station, if that´s okay?”, Emily asked Leroy, Hank and Tom, who nodded. “And Spencer, you should take [y/n] home and check out her house.” “Mansion.”, [y/n] corrected Emily. “I have a mansion. Worked too hard to have it being called a house.”, Emily only nodded, not letting herself get bothered by her words. Philip nodded, completely ignoring his clients snappiness too.

“I follow you in my car.”, he told Spencer. “[y/n] give Dr. Reid your keys, please.”, she shook her head indignant.

“No. That guy is not driving my car. I´ll drive.”, the whole band now started saying no.

“[y/n], you´re not driving.”, Tom ordered and Leroy nodded. “You´ll get an DUI so quick, it´s not even funny.”, Spencer lifted his hand, waiting for the key. “Oh, come on.”, she groaned, looking at her bandmates like her childish behavior would change their mind.

 A nice sound. An annoying person, not getting what they want. Almost as beautiful as her [y/e/c] eyes, that actually were rather bloodshot, when Spencer thought about it.

 “Should the police pull you over and see that you´re high, they´ll look through your car and I don’t think you want be taking in custody for drug possession, right?”, she handed him her keys and Spencer couldn’t help it and whispered “Thank you”, in the most mocking tone he was able to.

“Fucking cunt.”, she whispered back at him and he just chuckled.

“I´ve been called worse. So your little words don’t hurt me…sorry.”, she then grinned.

“Things like Spencer?”, [y/n] asked him, spitting his name like poison.

 Spencer took a deep breath and watched her go out the door, telling himself to not answer her.

 “Hey, kid.”, Spencer looked at Hank and he just lifted his thumb.

“You held yourself better than we thought you would.”, Leroy added, Emily looking at Spencer concerned.

“You sure you can handle her?”

 He nodded, walking out the door and to the elevator which doors [y/n] was holding open for him.

 “Hurry up, bitch boy! I wanna go home.”

 *****

 Of course the rich, spoiled brat drove an imported sportscar. When Spencer got in, he firstly had to push back the seat, not having enough room for his legs and then tried getting [y/n] to tell him where she lived.

 “Try google, smart ass.”, was her answer and he sighed.

 [y/n] then rolled down her window and grabbed a joint from her glove compartment. Spencer quickly leaned over and snatched it from her hand, making her whine as she tried getting it back.

 “You´re such a bitch. Give me-“, he interrupted her whining.

“No. First tell me you´re address.”, she sat back into her seat.

“Fine. I´ll lead you there.”, [y/n] said, making grabbing motions with her hand and he handed her the joint back. She lit it and smoked out of the window.

 Spencer knew he should have questioned why she gave up and let him win so easily. After ten minutes they weren’t at her mansion, they were at a McDonald´s.

 “You´re fucking kidding me, right?”, he snapped at her and she began to giggle.

“You´re kina hot when you´re angry.”, her flirty grin and the way she bit her lip made him furious, because it was hot.

“What is wrong with you?”, Spencer almost yelled and she leaned back and pointed somewhere. “I´m hungry. Drive-Through. Over there.”

“No.” “Come on. Don’t be a bitch, dog.”, she snickered, resting her feet on the dashboard.

 He looked at her, for a second thinking about simply getting out of the car and leaving, before he could hurt her. Maybe she was really too much for him to handle, the drugs were manageable, but it was her personality that drove him mad, yet he wasn’t someone to give up easily. Cars started to honk behind them.

 “You´re holding up the traffic. I just wanted something to eat.”, [y/n] said, now almost annoyed because she wasn’t getting what she wanted. Spencer took a deep breath.

“Okay.”, she looked at him confused.

“Okay?”, he nodded, pulling into the Drive-Through. He was above this. ‘Give her what she wants, so she´s at least quiet.’

“You win.”

 She started clapping and hugged him, smelling like marijuana and something he couldn’t quite make out. When they came up to the microphone box, [y/n] crawled over Spencer´s lap, forcing him to look and think respectfully. She ordering a bunch of stuff and then looked at him.

 “What do you want? I only have booze at home, so…”, he looked at her a little startled. Was she trying to be nice to him?

“You wanna buy me something?”, she nodded like this behavior was normal to her. “Sure.”

“Surprise me. I never eat fast food, I don’t know what´s good.”

 She nodded and then told the voice from the box to double her order. Sitting back into her seat, [y/n] took out a hundred dollar bill from her purse, handing it to Spencer. When they pulled up by the window, taking their things, the woman in the window nearly lost it when she saw the rockstar, starting to cry. [y/n] was really nice to her and asked her if she wanted to take a photo in the parking lot. Of course the woman said yes and after paying, where [y/n] had left almost fifty bucks as a tip, Spencer had to park and wait till they had made the photo and given an autograph.

 “Okay, now drive before it goes viral. I wanna eat that stuff before it gets cold.”, she told him, taking a sip of one of the milkshakes.

“That was nice.”, she shrugged and then told him her address, telling him she´d scream when they reached it.

 *****

 Lo and behold, no twenty minutes later they parked in front of [y/n] mansion, next to another, more run down car, belonging to Philip. The mansion would´ve made Rossi´s mansion cry. At least twice as big and the property was enormous. In contrast to [y/n], it was very light and minimalistic from the outside and the inside.

 “Most rooms are empty. Too big.”, she explained walking straight into the open living area, that had a large terrace with pool and a view over the Hollywood hills. She put the paper bags filled with food on the large kitchen island and sat on a barstool.

“You could sell it and buy a smaller one.”, [y/n] shrugged and took out a burger, starting to eat it.

“Philip says I´m gonna grow into it.”, she answered, mocking the tone of voice her manager had probably had.

 Spencer watched her type something on her phone and a minute later Philip came into the room.

 “Hey, where were you? I got worried.”, he asked them and [y/n] handed him a salad.

“It´s the one you always have.”, he smiled at her.

“Thank you. You´re so nice.”, she shrugged at his words, not really caring.

“Yours is in here too, dog.”, she now told spencer.

��Ah, yes. She was being bitchy again. Spencer had only waited for it to happen. He said nothing, but walked up to the white kitchen isle and took the bag she pointed at.

 “Milkshake, burger, fries. Fast food essentials.”, she stated, finishing her small cheeseburger and getting up to her fridge, taking out a beer. She held it to Spencer who declined and then to Philip who did the same. “Lame asses.”, she chuckled, opening it and standing at the counter, watching Spencer eat. “So you´re here for…?”

“Technically it would be the easiest for all of us, if I just stayed.”, she raised her brows.

“Staying like, in my house staying?”, he nodded and she shook her head. “No chance. I enjoy my solitude.”

“[y/n]. If it´s easier for the agent and better for you…”, she sighed, opening a drawer and taking out some pills, swallowing them with her beer. “Fucking hell. But don´t expect me to be considerate of you.”, the rockstar told him.

“Should you consume them with alcohol?”, Spencer asked, taking a bite of his burger and she shrugged.

“I´m going to sleep…you guys…do what you want, I don’t care…”

“Do you need me to do your laundry?”, Philip asked and [y/n] shrugged again, it seemed to be her favorite motion. As she walked down the hallways and Phillip yelled after her. “Don’t forget that you have a gig tonight, [y/n]!”

“THAT`S WHY I`M GOING TO SLEEP NOW, DUMB ASS! WAKE ME UP WHEN WE NEED TO GO!”, she yelled back, followed by the smashing of a door.

 “She´s a nice girl.”, Philip said in the middle of the silence, as Spencer took place on one of the barstools.

“Like a car crash.”, the man in his fifties chuckled.

“I know she´s difficult, but in here she´s good.”, he pointed at his heart. “She has suffered a lot of losses in her life.”

“Then, just as a random thought, you should get into therapy before she OD´s.”, Spencer answered sassy.

“I know what you mean. But as long as she doesn’t want help or overdoes it…she has a system.”, Spencer let his head fall back and groaned.

“You know about that fucking thing?” “You too?”, Philip asked back in surprise. “Profiler. Took me no longer than the nap in her car, to figure that out.”

 Yes, a small lie from Spencer, but it sounded better then: Oh yes, I was addicted to dilaudid once. I had a system too!

 “Tell me, how does that train wreck of a system work?”, Philip leaned back from his salad.

“Well, she takes her painkillers in the morning and smokes some cannabis to get out of bed. When we´re touring or she has to be at shootings, interviews or anything else that needs her to focus, she only smokes and takes the pills all day, alcohol in water bottles is a new one though.”, Spencer sighed and thought if he even wanted to know more.

“And when she´s alone or not busy?” “Then she does the harder stuff.” “Harder stuff like cocaine, LSD…?”, Philip nodded. “Nothing with needles though…she´s scared of them.”

“She will not always be, if she continues like that.” “I know. That´s why I do my best to keep her busy. She even has her own recording studio here, knows how to handle everything herself. I thought it might make her spend more time making music than getting high. I also go out with her a lot, to a point where my wife starts to get jealous.”, he laughed bittersweetly. “Have you ever been to Disney World, agent?”, Spencer shook his head. “I take [y/n] there once a week, because she likes it there. I spend more time with her there then with my own daughter.”, [y/n] was famous, no chance people wouldn’t notice her.

“Does she even get to do anything there?”

“Not often. She mostly meets her fans there, but she loves that a lot. She is really sweet to them too, they mean everything to her.”

 That was the first time Philip had said something that was true about [y/n]. She had, not once been mean to a fan. The complete opposite actually. She had been nice and thoughtful, going out of her way to make the woman at the Drive-Through happy and was nice to Luke.

 “I know she was a little mean to you today, but she also bought us food, seeing it as a matter of course. There are two sides to every person, like a coin.”, Like a coin, just that [y/n] sides flipped as quickly like one too. Philip sighed and got up from his barstool. “I´ll show you around a little, if you want to.”

 Spencer nodded, getting up, following the short man around the house.

 *****

 [y/n] had been right.

It was way too big and many of the rooms were empty. When Spencer asked Philip about the necessity of such a big mansion, he told him, that he had hoped to motivate [y/n] to have a family one day. But now the only rooms in use were her bedroom, one of the five guest bedrooms, which Spencer got to stay in, the open living area with kitchen and living room, the recording studio and a little library. The latter made Spencer a little jealous. In the middle of the room even stood a white piano with notes on it. [y/n] also had a lot of books, all dusty, because she never read anymore. He would´ve killed to have his own library…she probably didn’t even value what she had.

 When they returned into the living area, Philip gave Spencer some spare keys, beginning to clean up a little and putting the food in the fridge. [y/n] didn’t lie, when she said, she only had alcohol at home. JJ came over and brought Spencer his go bag, asking him how it was going. Of course he said he was doing great, but couldn’t help but rant to her about [y/n]´s behavior.

 “Well, she is an addict, Spence. You know how erratic some drugs can make you.”, he nodded.

“Yeah, but she really tries pushing me and then, one second to the other, she´s nice and polite. Have you talked to her bandmates?”, JJ laughed.

“Way too long. We had interviews with them and then Luke just couldn’t stop talking to them, he has also taken about a million pictures with them and facetimed Penelope so she could meet them too.”, Spencer chuckled.

“Sounds like they had a good time. Anything else happened? Found out something?”

“[y/n]´s mother was an addict and left the family when she was younger. When she found out her daughter was famous, she got back in touch with her, to borrow money. [y/n] didn’t care and even got her to live with her, in one of the guest bedrooms. She overdosed a few months ago, since then [y/n]´s addiction got worse.”, Spencer´s eyes got wide.

“She didn’t die in the guest bedroom though, right?”

 Just as JJ wanted to answer, [y/n] walked in. Philip walking behind her with a duffle bag.

 “She died in the bathroom and she didn’t overdose perse, she drowned after falling unconscious in the bathtub, while being high.”, she answered cold, seeming to have overheard their conversation. [y/n] grabbed a beer from the fridge and continued calmly while taking some colorful pills. “I found her. The bathroom that it happened in is always locked. Don´t worry.”, Philip fidgeted a little with his hands, looking for his keys.

“Uh-Uhm. Agents? We need to go. The concert…”

“You coming too?”, [y/n] asked, looking at JJ and she shrugged. “We could also invite the cute one…Luke. It´s about 20.000 people so two more won´t hurt…right Philly?”, Phillip nodded.

“You´re all invited. SSA Prentiss as well.”, he said and JJ smiled at them.

“Thank you. That´s very nice, but I´ll have to talk to them first.”, [y/n] shrugged at that and drank her beer.

“You have my number, just call when you know. We start half past eight.”, Philip then took the empty beer bottle from [y/n] and threw it away. “Show time.”

 *****

 Half an hour into the concert Luke had shown up, completely hyped.

 “What did I miss? We had some ex-staff members to talk to. Did they already play ‘Going to Hell’?”, Spencer nodded. “Argh, dammit. Doesn’t matter, that song´s amazing too.”

 During the whole concert Spencer watched [y/n]. The music wasn’t that bad, a little harsh, but it was mix of hard and alternative rock after all. At least that´s what Penelope said, when Luke started facetiming her. After the last costume change, Spencer pulled [y/n] aside. He asked her to not be so ‘touchy’ with her fans. Since she would kneel down and hold their hands. He tried telling her about the risks of having the unsub in the audience, but she only laughed.

 “I´ll be as touchy as I want, bitch.”, he started to frown.

“At least don’t stagedive. Luke says you always do that and the risk of the unsub use-“, she interrupted him, wanting to go on stage.

“Fuck off, dog.”, he held her arm, trying to reason with her.

“Can you ple-“, she tried pulling away, like an angry child.

“No.” “Stop being so fuck-“, [y/n] interrupted him again.

“Stop trying to fucking babysit me.”

“I just want to hel-“, she ripped her arm away. “Yeah, fuck you too.”, the rockstar answered, not letting him finish and walked back on stage.

 Philip walked up to Spencer, having seem the ordeal of him trying to talk to [y/n] and him now  driving the heel of his palm into his eyes. This girl gave him migraines.

 “What happened?”, Philip asked and Luke answered for Spencer.

“He told her not to stagedive.”, Philip laughed a little and shook his head.

“Oh yeah. Never tell her what to do. She hates that and then does it out of spite.”

“You don’t say?”, Spencer answered sarcastically.

 On stage [y/n] took her microphone, saying something to her bandmates and then smiling sweetly, while talking to her fans.

 “This next song is for my lovely new babysitter, who thinks he can tell me what to do.”, the crowd started booing and she laughed. “I know, I know. But it looks like he doesn’t know how things work around here…So I think we have to help him out a little.”

 The music started to play and Luke patted Spencer´s arm.

“She dedicates ‘Heaven Knows’ to you! Penny have you heard? She sings ‘Heaven Knows’ for Reid!”

“NO! SHUT UP!”, the blonde on the phone squeaked.

 He and Garcia started to freak out while Spencer watched [y/n] clapping her thigh and stomping to the beat.

“Jimmy's in the back with a pocket of high

If you listen close, you can hear him cry

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Sing it!”

She lifted the mic to her audience she started to sing for her.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below, way down below, way down below

“Judy's in the front seat picking up trash

Livin' on the dole, gotta make that cash

Won't be pretty, won't be sweet

She's just sittin' here on her feet singin'

Oh, Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Go!”

Again her fans obeyed her, Luke and Penelope freaking out next to Spencer. If it wouldn’t have been a moment, were he had to fear which move she had planned next to unnerve him, he might have even enjoyed this song and the involvement of her fans in it.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

“Sing, oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below”

She now looked at him for a moment, while her audience sang. Before, again, walking around the stage, touching her fans hands.

Oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

“I've had better days, man, I've seen better days

I've had better ways, man, I know better ways

One, two, three and four, the devil's knocking at your door

Caught in the eye of a dead man's lie

Show your life with your head held high

Now you're on your knees with a head on low

Big man tells you where to go

Tell them it's good, tell 'em ok

Don't do a goddamn thing they say”

Spencer was surprised how well her fans knew her lyrics. She would just have to point at them or lift her mic and they would instantly sing were she stopped. Not missing a beat.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

“I've seen better ways, and I know better ways

I've seen better days, man, I've got better days”

[y/n] now stood at the edge of the stage, back turned to her audience. She smiled directly at Spencer, fingers held like a gun to her head.

“Gina's in the back with a pocket of high

If you listen close you can hear the cryin'”

At the last word she mimicked shooting herself and let herself fall back into the crowd. Her fans got wild and continued her song, while Spencer certainly not in a long time, if ever, felt so much spite and frustration against a woman, other than Cat Adams.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

Singin' oh, Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Oh, Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

The crown placed [y/n] back on her stage, where she walked up to her bandmates again, waving at Spencer and Luke with the sweetest smile.

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

 *****

 After the concert and the encores she and the band got behind stage, where Spencer for the least thirty minutes had waited to give her a piece of his mind. As [y/n] giggled and walked up to him and Luke. He grabbed her arm, a little harsher than planned.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”, she blinked at his yelling, answering with her innocent eyes blinking and a mocking tone.

“What´s the prob, dog?”

“What´s- Do you really care so little for your own safety?”, Hank came up to them, having seen Spencer´s grip on the girls arm.

“Hey! What´s going on here? [y/n], are you okay?”, Spencer quickly let go of her.

“Yeah, the dog is just pissing himself because I stage dived.”, he quickly took a deep breath.

“I´m not pissing myself, [y/n], but I told you not to do it. What would you have done when your stalker would´ve been in the crowd and lost it? Nobody would´ve been able to get to you fast enough and help!”, Hank looked at her in disappointed shock.

“Is that true, [y/n]?”, the black haired girl ignored her friend and just continued arguing with Spencer.

“Well, maybe I don’t want anybody’s help!”, she hissed at Spencer.

“Then why are we even here?”, Spencer hissed back. “BECAUSE I BRING MONEY! Else the label would let me rot in a fucking corner! GOD! You are ruining my after-show-high. I hate you!”, [y/n] yelled and Spencer tried not to yell back, tried to be the bigger person, only hissing back at her.

“Oh, trust me. That feeling is mutual.”, she swallowed hard and then turned around, stomping away.

 *****

After half an hour waiting, Spencer got a call from Philip, telling him that [y/n] refused to see him again and would be sleeping at his house tonight. He told him, that he should just let himself into the mansion and eat what´s in the fridge. It wasn’t from use, to try talking to [y/n], when she was that angry. Tomorrow Philip would call him and bring her back into Spencer´s care.

Spencer did as told, Luke driving him to the mansion, telling him that it wasn’t his fault. He then got into the large, empty mansion and grabbed himself a well-deserved beer. Being alone in this big house was depressing. After his third beer he stopped, walking into his room.

He pulled his blue and gold sobriety token, he had gotten for being clean ten years, out of his bag. Thumb rubbing over the golden X in the middle of it. He actually had deserved a twelve year token by now, but since prison didn’t actively attended the meetings anymore, having grown past it. Yet, he still kept the tokens he had, close to him.

They reminded him of his achievement, reminded him to be proud at himself.

Spencer never wanted to fall back into the dark hole he was in, when he was addicted, and even when [y/n] would throw tantrum after childish tantrum, she wouldn’t cause him to relapse. He was stronger than this. Stronger than her.

To be continued...

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[fightabear]

so some time ago, someone asked me to do meta about a scene in Injustice and i wanted to revisit that scene with the scene from Year Zero in mind. and then i ended up getting deeply into injustice damian, his relationship with his two awful dads, and it’s kind of a mini character essay?

so! here’s a warning for: tyrannical totalitariam regimes, child abuse, abusive fathers, emotional manipulation, evil superman, character death & also random he-man. please note that this is entirely about injustice and its characters, which are not a reflection on their mainstream counterparts.

there’s tension between damian and bruce from the get-go in injustice, and we’re never really told why. if we take cues from the game (though that entire scene doesn’t make sense) then it’s because bruce didn’t save jason, which fits in with my reordered robin theory in which tim and jason were switched, and jason has only recently died.

now, we don’t know whether jason is running around as red hood right now or not. but i’m inclined to say he isn’t, as his injustice 2 ending makes a big deal of him becoming red hood. and damian is close with jason in injustice 2, close enough that jason listens when damian tells him that he’s a lot more than bruce thinks he is and drops the shitty batman costume. close enough that during the (extremely weird, extremely out of alignment with the comic) scene in injustice 2 where damian betrays bruce for clark, jason is the name damian throws at him with the most vehemence. regardless of the robin ordeer, bruce’s failure to save jason is seems to be an incredibly sore point between them.

so it’s interesting that bruce is already counting damian out before injustice even starts. he’s comparing damian to jason - someone who he apparently no longer considers part of his legacy. 

the kicker is: damian in injustice is actually probably the most morally centered version of himself. he shows open compassion and care for other people more often than he does in most of the mainstream runs. damian’s sense of right and wrong is solid, but what he wants is to break the cycle that gotham is trapped in. which from his perspective, is something bruce doesn’t seem to want to do.

injustice’s version of bruce is someone who truly believes that the ends justify the means - which means he’s apt to do some heinous things to people until they see his side of things. he seems to view people questioning as an act of betrayal, so instead of ever explaining himself he resorts to things like installing viruses in cyborg, kidnapping hawkgirl and replacing her, beating allies within an inch of their life - all of it is fine to him so long as they’re not dead. 

but it’s not fine to damian.  damian is constantly horrified at the lengths bruce will go to.

damian is afraid of his father. 

so, this is about a specific scene.  let’s get to that scene. its just important to note the difference between them, and emphasize that he’s not going with any intent to fight. if he was going to do that, he wouldn’t be doing this:

or respond like this:

or this:

he’s there to make amends, or at least try to. he still loves his father and he wants to be forgiven, and this is something that will carry on ten years later in injustice 2. damian made the choice to oppose bruce’s controlling nature but damian didn’t choose to abandon him and the bat family permanently. that choice was made for him. damian wants to come home. 

and he’s terrified of his father. i cannot stress that enough. bruce at this point has already shown that he knows how to hurt his closest friends if they oppose him.

damian is a highly trained fighter, but he’s also a  thirteen year old boy who knows he can’t overpower a man twice his size and weight.

and bruce?

bruce’s entire argument really hinges on ‘you, my thirteen year old son, didn’t take my side in this argument’. because, i have to put this in bold, the league was not executing the criminals they were removing from arkham. they were just transferring them to a more secure facility. something which is actually sorely needed, especially given what has just happened to metropolis. arkham isn’t fit to house them. and as far as damian sees it, bruce doesn’t like it because it’s removing an element of his control.

now, bruce isn’t wrong about how things will escalate. 

but damian’s not wrong about his motivation here.  i think there’s a conversation to be had about how bruce’s methods in trying to stop the regime actually drove it to further and further extremes. bruce never tries to talk to clark - or anyone, really. he just starts playing mind games to make them do what he wants.

it harkens back to the conversation bruce and dick have in the batplane. that bruce doesn’t talk to people, he doesn’t explain himself. he’s either right or you’re wrong and he won’t explain his stance. there is never room for debate. he’ll just stop talking and leave until you agree.  there is no option where he sits and listens to an open and honest dialogue, no scenario where he entertains that he might be in the wrong or maybe things aren’t black and white.

and that’s why injustice bruce is not a good guy. 

even on prime earth, damian had to bend over backwards to prove to bruce that he wasn’t a monster. it was damian who spent months digging through the sewers for martha’s pearls. damian who had to prove he was capable of loving titus. damian who constantly had to show that he was capable of empathy and thinking of others - bruce did none of the heavy lifting in that father-son relationship, he made damian climb the entire hill and still continues to put little effort into it.

and injustice bruce is even less empathetic and expressive than prime bruce.  

which is why you get a confrontation like this:

this goes beyond dick’s accident and ties back into what clark said about bruce not tending to his son’s who are grieving because they lost friends in metropolis.  damian’s fed up with never meeting bruce’s expectations. but more than that, he’s fed up with his feelings coming second to bruce’s. 

bruce has already made a judgement on who and what damian is. damian has the potential to be dangerous and requires work to fix, and so he’s not interested in getting to know him beyond that. he tells dick that he’s “worried about  damian being seduced by darkness” but never talks to damian himself with him about it.

but clark has looked at damian and and decided that damian is good. damian has problems, clark can admit that and does, but damian is good. like bruce himself.

and ultimately why when dick dies, clark is the one that reaches out to him because he sees damian for what he is: grieving child who just made a terrible mistake. it was an accident. damian didn’t mean for this to happen. meanwhile, bruce feels as though he was proven right. damian was dangerous and now his real son is dead. bruce will later admit, once he stops trying to manipulate damian, that damian was dead to him the moment dick died.

going back to year zero for a minute, they subtly show that damian is doing his best to be like bruce. baby damian idolizes his father. so i imagine a lot of bruce’s own feelings towards damian stem from self-hatred. from bruce seeing himself in his son and not liking the reflection it forces him to confront. injustice bruce projects a great deal of his own insecurities and shortcomings onto his youngest. damian is his worst what-if.

even though damian doesn’t deal with his grief the way bruce does. there are similarities, he puts his feelings into his fists and hits. just like bruce. but unlike bruce, and most likely because of dick, he does try to communicate. come injustice 2 he even talks about his feelings.

that doesn’t justify any of the violent outbursts. and he has a lot of them. he has significant issues with controlling his anger and struggles with lashing out, verbally and physically. it both worsens and improves as he gets older.

damian knows that he’s more than his grief, his loss, his anger. he’s also compassionate and capable of incredible feats of kindness. we see that in the flashback chapter in injustice 2. people aren’t pawns for damian, they aren’t a means to assuage his own guilt and validate himself as a good person. he wants to be good for those people.

damian’s relationship with heroism isn’t built on an intrinsic need for control or power, nor is it a means of validating his self worth.

people just need him. they’re suffering.  and he wants to be there for them.

but again, we’re not there yet.

so, alfred reaches out to touch damian. damian asks him repeatedly to let go. when alfred doesn’t, damian tries throwing him off, not realizing how much strength he now possesses.

damian  has a thing about being touched when he’s wound up tightly. it almost always ends with him lashing out at someone. which, tying back into why he felt comfortable coming back here, probably goes into his expectation that he’s going to get the lights knocked out of him. because again, damian did not go to the cave to fight or hurt anyone. the pill is entirely for his own defense.

from what we know of damian’s childhood in both prime and injustice, violence is the expected retaliation for misbehavior. toeing out of line is grounds for getting the shit beaten out of you, and while things should be different here....

from how bruce reacts he’s not wrong to expect it.  note that bruce dodesn’t run to alfred to see if he’s okay, he goes after damian for hurting him. it’s damian who runs to alfred after he’s thrown bruce away from him.  

( granted, yes, he threw bruce into the penny and it almost crushes alfred )

damian apologizes and he means it.  alfred’s first question is to ask for bruce.  

“”hawkgirl”” intervenes to try to end this fight before it can escalate further.

damian deduces that this isn’t hawkgirl and blows some stuff up.  bruce calls after him probably - not to have a serious heart to heart with him about what just happened, or what happened in arkham, but to try to manipulate him into taking bruce’s side or in the very least stop his ruse from being uncovered.

this is a theme moving forward. bruce will dangle forgiveness in front of damian, but only when it benefits him and can be used to control him. eventually he’ll stop and will use the guilt he knows damian feels to wound him.

and here’s the second theme it introduces: damian is scared shitless of his father. he’s not afraid of bruce’s violence, as after this he charges straight for him time and time again, but he is utterly terrified of the lengths bruce will go to get his way.

this is also where he takes dick’s suit. i think this was his way of telling bruce that he didn’t deserve to use dick’s memory the way he uses his parent’s death - as justification for what he does.  this comes up in injustice 2 later down the road, damian will bring up that bruce uses his pain to justify how he brutalizes the people around him. damian does the same thing -- but we also see damian grappling with his conscience about it. he wants to be better. he doesn’t want to be all his violence and loss.

back to the topic at hand, damian doesn’t do anything with dick’s suit. unlike bruce, damian doesn’t wear his grief and guilt in plain sight. he puts it in a box and doesn’t look at it, he covers the wounds with anger and as he gets older, develops a death wish and basically begins seeking a noble death in order to make up for what he’s done. it isn’t until dick passes the mantle to him in an attempt to steer him back on the right path that he even looks at it again.

damian isn’t the one that ended his relationship with bruce. bruce did. damian is very willing to reconcile if bruce genuinely wants it, but bruce doesn’t bother with damian outside of combat or when he needs something. damian actually keeps up visits with alfred, he gets him birthday presents, they meet up often and despite their opposing viewpoints, they get along just fine. damian even listens to what alfred says. he still loves his family.

damian himself is a mess. this line resonates because damian, too, is afraid. afraid of bruce, afraid of being what bruce thinks he is. there’s only so far he can bury it under the anger.

by the next issue of year one, after the confrontation at the manor, damian’s discarded any notion that bruce is a good person or justified in anything he does. everything he says on this page is true.

he’s not wrong. he’s more than bruce has even given him credit for being. injustice bruce sorts people into boxes impossible to climb out.  damian made his attempt at reconciliation and instead, found out that bruce has kidnapped and replaced one of his friends to spy on all the rest. in that split second when bruce came at at him, he saw the disgust and anger in his eyes. he’s seen how bruce sees him and wholeheartedly rejects it. 

he doesn’t want to be bruce. he will not be bruce.

batman was supposed to be better than the league. it was supposed to be a new way. instead he just found a new, different means to brutalize and control, and a new way someone justifies causing harm. and he doesn’t want it.

this isn’t to say that damian is a saint. he’s a very flawed, very broken person. he went from one abusive parental situation, to another, to another, and has the damage to show for it. he’s got bad habits from all of them, many of which he isn’t aware of or doesn’t think are a problem. 

but unlike his two dads, damian doesn’t close himself off to what he’s feeling completely, nor does he decide to rush towards external solutions for his pain. he’s, again, very aware that something is wrong. he doesn’t hold to his convictions the same way bruce or clark do, he questions.  he’s deeply unhappy with who he is and what he’s doing. 

but damian is seeking answers using a very limited toolset, and there’s a very limited pool of people he can ask that won’t give him a biased answer or try to manipulate him for their own means. one of the people he confides in does just that.

the other gives him the honest truth.

his relationship with selina is fraught and she’s often one of the very nastiest people towards him, but it’s because of that  he ends up opening up to her. she isn’t going to bullshit him and just say what he wants to hear.

and this is what makes damian different from them. both of them.

because he stops, because he questions, he’s still connected to reality. to his own humanity.

injustice’s bruce is a bruce that has quietly let his humanity die. he’s completely given over to the cold logic of batman and the idea that whatever he does to the people around him, no matter how morally dubious, is justified so long as it means protecting lives. he might not kill, but he really stops just short of that. he just doubles down on his beliefs and takes anyone who doesn’t agree with him as a traitor. he will go out of his way to rationalize how a largely guilty person is innocent (harleen) and how a largely innocent person is guilty (damian). and so he uses damian’s “betrayal” - ie, damian standing with clark instead of him - as justification for icing him out. that way he can ignore all the people who have reminded him time and time again that it was an accident.  

bruce also can’t stand that damian won’t do what he says. bruce will ignore damian unless it benefits him. bruce will go on to frequently weaponize how badly damian wants forgiveness against him. there are multiple instances where he says “just do as i say and i’ll forgive you, son.”

and then in the next breath, he’ll tell damian that he “can’t forgive the deaths”, all the while he has harleen as his new sidekick.   it’s fine that harleen helped with the scheme to blow up metropolis, killed jimmy olsen, and countless others. it’s not fine that damian did something he did all the time to dick - something dick himself shrugged off, because the expectation for this behavior was that dick would catch the baton - and it ended in tragedy.

because harleen listens to him and damian doesn’t. bruce cuts damian neatly out of his life and only really cares about him again when he’s a corpse.

damian, meanwhile, never stops trying to earn bruce’s forgiveness. in the canonical bad end (or well a comic offshoot of the canon ending) damian essentially dies begging bruce to forgive him, admitting that he always cared. he launches an absolutely insane rescue mission to save his father from clark’s torture and it costs him his life.

( but it’s worth mentioning - it takes damian showing bruce an image of kara for bruce to acknowledge him. )

even before this, damian was looking out for bruce in other ways. he was the reason selina got involved with the regime. because he offered her the chance to join and save bruce. damian’s anger towards bruce is less that he wants him dead, and more that bruce won’t stop unless he’s killed.

and damian is willing to kill him if bruce poses a threat to his ‘new’ family. he’s not going to watch bruce hurt the people he loves.

but his new father sucks just as much as his old one.

talia and bruce were more obviously abusive parents. they were controlling and sometimes asserted that control and obedience using physical violence and intimidation. in obvious ways you can point to and see abuse. 

damian doesn’t recognize clark is using him until he sees clark discard kara, who should be everything to clark and is someone important to damian. before that, he has inklings that they’ve gone too far, but clark has been such a paragon of good that when he tells damian not to worry about it, he doesn’t. he hides all his darkness behind that  smile and tells damian he’s good and worthy of people loving him, that they’re saving people and they won’t let another metropolis happen. clark talks to him and still (seems to) accept him even when they disagree.

damian misses clark’s equally as abusive tendencies because they hidden under the guise of a fatherly concern. 

clark is manipulating him into divulging more than he wants to. a boundary damian set is being broken without damian even realizing it.  damian’s uneasy. his body language goes from very easy and relaxed to overtly uncomfortable and almost submissive. it’s also very subtle but clark actually rises higher off the ground to intimidate and loom over him.

damian, who has only known bruce’s stormy silences in moments of disagreement, doesn’t recognize this for what it is.  clark doesn’t take the slight out on him. clark doesn’t stop talking to him because he dared to question.

instead, he loops an arm around damian and praises him, rewards him for being honest and makes it seem like this is an open dialogue and not an interrogation. which it is. i wouldn’t call it gaslighting, but i would call it lovebombing. damian doesn’t realize that there was anything off about the encounter, or if he does, he’ll tell himself he’s just being paranoid.

after all. this ended amicably, not with him standing alone wondering what he did wrong, or being thrown across the room. clark basically stops just shy of ruffling his hair and calling him sport. 

he was rewarded for honesty. and so any discomfort he felt was imagined.

 i think a thing that a lot of fans miss is that injustice’s damian is a forthright person. he doesn’t lie or deceive much, and later on it will bother him that he’s keeping secrets from kara for ‘the greater good’. he loathes that bruce does it and works hard to not fall into that trap. he wants to be honest. he’s glad when he’s rewarded for that honesty. 

because injustice’s damian doesn’t want to be batman. he wants to be superman. he wants to be good.

but injustice’s superman is not a good man. 

clark keep secrets, many terrible secrets, and often hurts people and justifies it to himself. he just hides it far better than bruce does.  clark is even more controlling and cruel, but he leans harder into his humanity and emotions to hide it. it’s easier to see bruce being cold and calculating and miss the way clark subtly uses what you want to get what he wants out of you. and you never really see it coming when he lashes out. he’ll apologize for it, of course, and if you’re not dead you’ll forgive him, because it’s clark. he didn’t mean it. right?

bruce manipulates overtly and grandly using intimidation, clark manipulates subtly using emotion. damian only recognizes one of these things when they happen.

so clark gives damian what he wants - a parent who loves him, someone he can talk to and even show a little vulnerability with - and then uses that against him. 

the worst thing -  the very worst thing - is that bruce and clark love damian. he knows this. both seem to genuinely consider him their son. and he knows this.

in injustice vs motu, bruce snaps fully into awareness just as diana snaps damian’s neck. he’s awake just in time to watch his son die.    and when clark is brought onto the scene, clark falls to his knees and mourns damian and laments his role in driving him to this.

but they weaponize this parent-child bond he wants against him and each other. frankly, neither of them were very interested in him for who he was. nor for helping him be better and master his anger. damian’s body isn’t even cold before bruce uses it against clark, failing to acknowledge his own part in damian’s all too early demise.

he’s another chess piece on their board. one clark can use to wound bruce. one bruce can use to wound clark.

the person damian is when away from both of their influence is a more complete damian. he’s the very best of both of them.

the damian here is still curt and sometimes rude, but he laughs and bonds with the people around him. he values people’s freedom and seems to strive for honesty and communication. meaning no one is in his war to reclaim the world doesn’t want to be, and he makes no move without everyone knowing.

when he recruits adam,  he tells them their story and what they’ve gone through and gives adam the choice to join them or stay in eternia.

anyway, all of this is to say that even all these years later, i continue to be so sad about injustice damian wayne. 

edit:

now, there’s actually one other thing i want to bring up because i totally forgot about it.

so. issue 8 of injustice 2.  

if we’re going with the idea of the reordered robin theory, which is what makes the most sense to me considering jason’s age and the friction between bruce and damian, this before jason dies. and if i’m wrong and the robins don’t have a different order, then this is before some enormous event that broke the slowly building trust.

there’s none of the undercurrent of hostility and distrust that shows up in year 0, which is immediately before year 1. we’re not given a timeframe for when this occurs, either, it’s just happier times.

but what’s really hard to ignore is that the dynamic between bruce and damian is completely different here. maybe tom taylor’s just settled more into writing the two of them, but i don’t think so. year zero comes after this. 

he even acknowledges damian’s anger earlier in the chapter. but it’s less of a condemnation of his character and more a concern that he might not be ready to be on his own. alfred is the one advocating for caution, asking if he’s ready, bruce is the one saying yes, he is.

it’s a complete reversal.

and his trust is rewarded with a night of damian abandoning the “”mission”” he was given (get home from the furthest point of gotham in three hours) to help everyone along the way. which was the real goal all along, it was a test to see if damian’s compassion would win out over his want to win. and it does. bruce is proud of him.

so... what happened between them? what caused that shift? 

i’m kind of worried we’re never going to know. like, i’m so glad that tom taylor is dc’s new golden boy and they’re just letting him build a million different aus. i buy every book he writes. 

but also i’m dying because IJ2 was clearly planned to go on a lot longer than it did and i have questions that i know netherrealm doesn’t care about answering.

[siarven]

Hello everyone!

I managed to finish the fourth version of my main WIP about a week ago and would love to see what other people think! <3 So below there’s an intro, and a mini excerpt from the start of the story can be found under the cut <3

DREAM’S SHADOW|

Book 1 in a series; Version 4.1

LENGTH | 132,166 words (according to scrivener)

GENRE | dark fantasy set in another world, hopepunk, creepy/horror elements, small scope that will transition into epic fantasy later on in the series

POV | first & third person limited, present tense

THEMES & TROPES | hopepunk, sibling dynamics, dysfunctional family, power of kindness & love, platonic love, queer characters, queer-embracing worldbuilding, mental & physical trauma, light & dark, secrets, tragedy, lies, betrayal, loss of innocence, holding on & letting go, cute creatures, (in)humanity, trees, religion & belief, growing up, monsters, dreams, nightmares.

CONTENT WARNINGS | angst, depression, anxiety, manipulation, terrible self-esteem/no self-worth/self-hatred, suicidal ideation, nyctophobia, panic attacks, nightmares, surreality/unreality, spiralling thoughts, body horror (esp eye related), scopophobia, blood, injury, violence, torture, character death (but it’s not what you think,,,)

SYNOPSIS |

When Ava and her parents arrive at the hospital, they find her older brother Ben in a deeply unnatural coma—and nobody can tell them what happened. Despite the magical abilities of the Asim Healers, there seems to be no way to save him. But then, why do they still keep him alive? As Ava slowly learns the magnitude of how terrible Ben’s situation (and impossible his future) truly are, she finds herself embroiled in a larger conflict, ready to hook its claws into her as well. And the one person she cares about most—who always had her back—is gone. So despite everything, there’s only really one choice. Find out how to save him and try anyways.

CHARACTERS |

AVA, 10. She/her/they/them. The Smol Angery Bean.  Animal (dragon :3) person, doesn’t get along with people most of the time. Basically got raised by Ben and thinks he can do no wrong.

BEN, 18. He/him. The Responsible One. Good in school, takes care of his dysfunctional family, keeps everything from falling apart. Everyone thinks he’s perfect. Is selfless to a fault. It’s a problem. No self-esteem.

ELINOR, 16. She/her. The Wayward Daughter. Got taken by the Asim as a child because of her inherent magic potential.

... and a few side characters <3

SCHEDULE ETC. |

I don’t really have a schedule during which you’d have to read anything because I’m going to be working on other stuff for the next few months (and let’s face it, we’re all busy anyways). My current time frame is “within the next 4 months would be nice” :)

I’d give you the story in ~15k chunks so it’s not all at once, I can see what you think while you’re reading it, and it doesn’t become too much (and ofc you can stop at any time if you don’t end up vibing <3).

I have a list of questions or you can just tell me what you think as you read, I am not at the point of line edits, this is more "does everything make sense” and pacing-related. <3

If you’re interested, please shoot me a message/ an ask/ email me at xsiarven@gmail.com <33

I’ll also love you forever if you reblogged this post so it can reach more people <3

(Taglist & short excerpt below the cut)

EXCERPT |

He knows he is dreaming because he always does—and he can feel that she shouldn’t be part of this dream even before he sees her.

“Who are you?”

She’s sitting cross-legged on the ground, head tilted in a slightly unnerving fashion. A lazy smile lifts the corners of her mouth, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“Yes, indeed… a good question. But what you should be asking yourself instead is this: why am I here?” She smiles. Her face is soft and round. Her eyes reflect the sky.

He does not dare look away, even as he swallows. “Then… why are you here?”

“Why, that is a good question!” She laughs. He shivers.

“I am here because it’s beginning, Dreamling. And you are the pivot. The chink.”

His heart-rate picks up at that. Her eyes are sharper now, and there’s something vicious in the way she’s staring at him, in the way her lips curl around that smile.

He turns away and hates himself for it. From the corner of his eye he can see her smile widening. The fear burns like ice in his veins.

It’s getting dark, the sky turning purple and pink and gold even though there’s no sun. A thousand small lights drift sleepily through the air, some close, some further away.

Somehow they make him sad.

“What does that mean?“ he asks, heart in his throat.

She doesn’t reply. Her smile turns cruel.

He shivers.

“Why?” he asks. “I don’t—I don’t...” He trails off when he meets her gaze. Her eyes seem larger than before.

He’s never been looked at like that.

“You don’t get a choice,” she tells him, all traces of playfulness gone from her voice.

“Your kind never does.”

DREAM’S SHADOW TAG LIST | (ask to be added/removed)

@wilde-writing | @thereisnothingwrongwithbeingmad | @authordai | @madmoonink  | @lynnafred | @prismalicht | @sincerestaffect | @romenna | @zekethegm | @hypnocutiegypsy | @random-stuff-thrown-into-a-pot | @els-writes | @randooooooooooom | @asttralhell | @followthatgoose | @kittensartswriting | @purpleshadows1989 | @raiswanson | @ettawritesnstudies | @writingwordsanddrawingpictures | @albatris | @semblanche​

[jmoriarty-221b]

Ok so, I LOVE Tim Drake and yes I am, in fact, OBSESSED with characters who deserve better than what they’re given and thus turn towards the found family trope or the BAMF! tag while looking for fics to read about them

And I love crossovers where like, multiple Tim Drakes appear in one universe and then the Tim Drake of that universe gets them home or something

And there’s also the gremlin part of me that loves the revenge type fics, where Tim Drake decides to do better for himself during his Red Robin run due to how he was 1. basically called crazy by his older brother who didn’t believe him even though he had evidence that Bruce was alive, 2. bullied and lethally attacked by Damian, who never really got reprimanded for trying to kill Tim??? 3. lost his credibility amongst the entire (or most) of the hero community due to Dick spreading around the news that he believed that Bruce wasn’t dead

Also, the fics of Tim being transported to the Young Justice universe and actually finding a family within that world’s Batfam and being loved and appreciated *chef’s kiss*

So I love those, and it just came to me that it would actually be very cool if there was a fic where Tim kinda just ??? gives up on his world??? Like yes, he goes through his Red Robin run and yes he saves Bruce, defeats Ra’s Al Ghul but after that the Bats in his world don’t really notice him anymore, and he has basically no credibility among the hero community because even though he was right and proved he was right to the Justice League they had already spread that rumor and he’s not particularly trusted even after proving he was right and not actually crazy??? So he knows that the multiverse exists, because superhero shenanigans have happened back in the day so he’s aware that there are multiple universes, and he’s miserable in this one and no one has any real need for him and maybe he reflects on how similar his situation is to when he was little and had no one there for him and how he always wished to have someone who supported him, and he gets this idea of like, what if he leaves??? There’s nothing here for him anymore, so what if he goes to another universe where he exists and tries to help his other self??? And he does, and he lands in a universe that’s a couple of years in the past of his current universe so he finds out that this Tim Drake is still a kid but he does know about the Bats’ identities but his focus lines up more with the villains??? Like, yeah he likes the Bats but the villains are much more interesting to watch so OG Tim is just like “hey, I remember this being a passing thought I had one day, why not help Tiny Tim?” So Big Tim decides “fuck it” and meets Tiny Tim and they make like an agreement of sorts because OG Tim wants his other self to never go through the pain he went through and Tiny Tim is very excited to have someone else with him to help him out and actually Listen to him and wow I always wanted a sibling “you’re my older brother now so I’m your problem” and it just escalates from there??? Not in a bad and dark way but more like, OG Tim is ready to be like “Fuck Batman” and Tiny Tim is just like “Villains are so dumb, I could do better” and they begin to actually descend into a benevolent villainy and outsmart the Bats at every turn while remaining anonymous and it drives the Bats nuts because there is a new player in Gotham and they have failed to stop them meanwhile OG Tim is kinda living his dream of becoming a supervillain a la Catwoman (like yes, he will put Black Mask in jail but that’s just so He can take over thank you very much) and Tiny Tim is living his best life because he is not Bored anymore and outsmarting the Bats is actually a very fun pastime to have while taking over the world on the side so

Just, fluffy older sibling Tim Drake taking care of a younger version of himself in a universe that actually doesn’t suck ass and becoming a funky supervillain because they could definitely do it better and if his new mini me was planning to head down that road anyway then he needs to make sure he has supervision

Like, yeah they’re villains but more on a chaotic neutral scale and they’re not morally corrupt or anything, they just think that they could definitely do better than some of the villains out there so they might as well try their hand at taking over the world efficiently

Just, I’m not a writer but I have these ideas just randomly coming together every once in a while when my brain cell hits the corner of my brain just right like a windows screensaver and I just want to put them out there just in case someone who can actually write gets inspiration from these ideas

I’m not asking for a fic but if someone does want to write a fic based on this then they are completely welcomed to do so and please know that I would love to read it

So that’s that on my late night thoughts

[okayto]

Mini-Review: Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions!

I’m so glad @littlestartopaz​ recommended this to me, because it was SO GOOD.

Yuta wants to start high school afresh: new school far from home, new classmates who don’t know he spent middle school acting out the fantasy of being the mysterious and magic “Dark Flame Master,” new him. But one of his classmates has delusions of her own, and after she accidentally discovers his embarrassing past, Yuta is unwillingly drawn into her life and a growing circle of friends with their own quirks.

The “chunibyo” of the title basically means “8th grade syndrome;” a phase in middle school where some kids inhabit and act out their own fantasy stories, positing themselves as dark magicians, magical girls, and other wielders of magical powers.

I had avoided this for a while, until it was specifically recommended to me, because honestly, it sounds embarrassing, right? It sounds like it’s gonna be an embarrassing manic pixie dream girl scenario. But what it actually contains is the story of how a mixed bag of students--some actively chunibyo, others not--become friends and develop very endearing close relationships, while arguing and frustrating each other because that’s what friends do.

Now, the idea of being the star of what’s essentially your own fantasy-action anime is embarrassing, but what’s notable is that the show doesn’t really hold the chunibyo characters up for mockery. Sure we might laugh at them, but hey--it’s funny to watch friends be silly together. And most viewers, just like some of the characters who have moved on from their chunibyo phases, probably easily understand the mix of soul-wrenching embarrassment and (mild?) fond sentiment that comes with remembering our middle school selves.

But let’s be real: the reactions the two former chunibyo students, Yuta and Shinka have to being reminded of middle school, are #RELATABLE

Rikka, our title chunibyo, in particular uses her fantasy in part to cope with grief, coming from an extended family that (without getting spoilery) didn’t help a young girl to deal with a very hard and life-changing time. Now that she’s in high school, her older sister blackmails Yuta (using an a voice recording of one of his chunibyo speeches) into helping deal with Rikka and things (like the cat she wants to adopt) that pop up.

One thing the show is very good at, though, is not making a single thing the reason behind a character’s chunibyo. One may have started their fantasy inspired by another person, or prompted by an event, but it’s also (while active) part of their personal narrative that influences how they spent their free time, how they see the world and keep blogs or diaries, etc.

But at the same time, they’re still teenagers, and their inner view of themselves...doesn’t always translate skills.

I said the show is primarily about friendship. A lot of that friendship is between Yuta and Rikka, but they accumulate a little group, mainly through Rikka’s attempt to start a magic club. Recruit 1: Kumin, a polite, quiet senpai with no chunibyo history or aspirations.

Kumin starts off seeming like a background character, but by the second season it’s clear she’s not just there for jokes about how she’ll take a nap anywhere. She’s perceptive, and genuinely enjoys watching the others act out their scenarios.

Compared to the other characters who are boisterous in their chunibyo activities (Rikka, Deko, Satone), or vociferously trying not to get drawn in to chunibyo activities (Yuta, Shinka), Kumin is happy to watch and offer encouragement, but she’s also willing to participate if a chunibyo scenario calls for a group.

Incidentally, the show does a really interesting thing where occasionally, we’ll be drawn “inside” the chunibyo world, seeing what Rikka/Deko/whoever see: a fantasy land, big magical weapons, anime-grade magical attacks. Occasionally we’ll also see what this “really” looks like--a couple people running around waving umbrellas at each other--but often we only get the fantasy version. It’s clear that Rikka and co. are legitimately on some level engaging in a shared imagination, and the times when a reluctant character (particularly Yuta or Shinka) willing steps in to the shared illusion are genuinely sweet.

Speaking of, Shinka (aka Morisummer) became one of my favorite characters. Like Yuta, she was chunibyo (”Morisummer the magician”); like Yuta, she chose a high school where she didn’t know anyone expressly so she could reinvent herself as a normal teen. And like Yuta, she’s getting dragged kicking and screaming into chunibyo again.

It would’ve been so easy to make her a bad character. She’s pretty, puts a lot of effort into being popular and likable at school, trying to keep up a good teen girl image, despite being fairly sarcastic at her core. And as loathe as she is to admit it, she likes her friends (even if she won’t admit they’re friends, even if half of them are actively chunibyo, even if she says she’s only hanging around so she can make sure all traces of chunibyo-Morisummer are erased from the internet).

Shinka gets drawn in to the group through Rikka’s apparently only pre-existing friend: Deko, a fellow chunibyo who follows Rikka (or “Eye of the Wicked Lord Shingan”) as her master, and is extremely devoted to the great magician Morisummer. So devoted, in fact, that she has several physical copies of Morisummer’s book containing all her wisdom...aka Shinka-Morisummer’s blog, which Shinka has tried to erase all trace of.

Needless to say, the two don’t seem to get along great.

Deko’s dedication to chunibyo and Morisummer irks Shinka; Shinka’s claim to be Morisummer irks Deko, who refuses to believe the great magician could ever be this sarcastic, mundane girl. Deko’s refusal irks Shinka, bringing out the sarcasm and bluntness Shinka tries to hide from the school at large.

Obviously, they actually become close friends, but heaven help you if you actually say so.

The entire series is an exploration of relationships, and Yuta’s developing closeness with Rikka (hey, we knew it was going to happen) is also sweet. He’s a genuinely likable boy, embarrassed by the vestiges of his former self he sees in Rikka, but often willing to meet her on her level, and both of them also learn/reaffirm the importance of doing things their way, and keeping both of them comfortable, rather than acting a certain way or performing specific acts just because their classmates think their relationship status mandates it.

Speaking of classmates--and I know this is getting long but I CAN’T HELP IT, I LIKED SO MANY ASPECTS OF THIS SERIES--the characters aren’t ridiculed at school. Sure, some people think they’re weird, but there’s no shunning, no arc involving teasing or bullies. Rikka’s often content as a loner, but when she attempts to join in a social circle, she’s welcomed. Shinka’s obsessed with reinventing herself and appearing normal and seems to think that otherwise she’ll be cast out, but multiple characters mention that others at the school notice how she behaves (oddly, on occasion) and there are no social repercussions. Truly nice for a show that has characters spending quite a lot of time in school.

Verdict

English dub? Yes, and it’s got strong performances. Rikka’s voice actor in particular does a fantastic job capturing the difference between chunibyo!Rikka’s confidence and command, and regular!Rikka’s, well, normal awkward teenageness. (Plus, I also found her lower-than animegirl-average voice enjoyable.) (Double plus, I honestly think her English voice is better than her original Japanese voice at showing the difference between her emotions and chunibyo/reality.) Deko’s VA is fantastic showing the enthusiasm of the 9th grader (and what enthusiasm, Deko is like the Energizer Bunny), and Shinka’s VA manages to show her alternating annoyance, cheerfully sweet ideal self, and organizized leader voices.

Visuals: Fine, and I really liked the chunibyo designs for each character’s chunibyo phase. The contrast between chunibyo-vision (giant magic weapons; mysterious lights, fantasy landscapes) and reality (an umbrella or soup ladle; a strip of lights taped to the floor; a local park) was really well done.

Worth watching? Yessss. It’s very manageable--two 12-episode seasons--and while each season contains its own arc (you could stop after the first one, but why), together they make an excellent story. Heck, I think the second season is equal to, if not better than, the first, because the friend group is well-established and even more fun to watch.

Where to watch (USA, as of October 2020): Netflix (dub, sub); Crunchyroll (sub), HIDIVE (sub & dub, plus OVAs and film)

Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!

[albatross-tech]

So I'm bored. Let's list every Au of my main 5 bois.

This is more for myself then anyone else.

Edwin:

Swap: History and Personality swapped with Nicolas. See previous posts.

Swap2.0: History and Personality flip flopped to a line with Carter. He is a shy artist bean that likes to keep to his small group of friends. Was bullied for his large glasses. Is Raised/Taken in by his gay Uncle Vex and Vex's husband Abaddon.

Eloise: Edwin but girl.

Regal!Edwin: Instead of raised by his adoptive human father, he is raised royal grandparents. He is much more serious, proper and reserved. Speaks in an old English accent.

Human!: Edwin but human and in a human world.

Evil!: Edwin but really Evil. Probably Raised by Loki. Very sadistic and manipulative. Not very caring and gets a kick out of suffering. He works with Reapers and manipulates humans to do his bidding. Gets into a lot of trouble.

Void!: Edwin but lonely and trapped in the void.

Nicolas:

Swap: History and personality swapped with Edwin. See a previous post.

Swap2.0: History and personality swapped with Takashi. His parents are alive but divorced. He was raised by his Mother. Although expected to take on her place in the Outer Library...he loves fashion. He has extensive knowledge on trends and new fashion. He makes his own clothes on the side and probably runs a cute blog and instagram where he poses in adorable pastel outfits he made along with his adoptive sister, Annabell.

Nicole: Nicolas but best girl.

Family!: Nicolas but his family is well and alive. He isn't a hunter but he wants to explore the universe to learn what's out there. Often this universe overlaps with the Regal!Edwin universe. He is a lot more calm and optimistic.

Evil!: Nicolas but he is a raging serial killer.

Human: Human Nicolas. Not a hunter and not a teacher. He is a genius but not that level of Genius.

Outer: Nicolas but raised with by Aunt in the Outer Library. Still doesn't like humans but he doesn't have as much murderous intent. Very adept in magic and is being trained to take his place among the council.

Takashi:

Swap: History and personality swapped with Carter. A burly and calm Oni that likes to draw manga. He has made a couple books. Born in Japan, after an accident His parents were Killed in a Crash. He was taken to be raised with an Aunt and Uncle when he was practically a newborn. During Middle school they went to America where he Met Nicky (Swap!Nicolas) who became his first friend in the new country.

Swap2.0: Personality and History swapped with Nicolas. His family was slaughtered by priests in Japan. Takashi was taken by the schooling system and put into protection in America. He ends up being an assistant Nurse in the school district because of his power. At night he hunts monster hunters. He is very adept in his BioKinesis. Even going as far as Necromancy. He is a very large and foreboding individual. Most fear this oni on sheer sight alone.

Tanbio: Takashi but Girl.

Evil: Takashi but he acts like an actual Oni. Cursing town and setting pestilence on a city for the hell of it. He is very chaotic and does this for entertainment.

Human: Takashi but Human. He is tall and buff. Probably wrestler. He gets along well with girls for his confidence. And isn't afraid to show his more sensitive side.

Foriegn: Takashi but he has never been out of Japan. Put him in any other setting and bumbles around like a doofus. Tripping on words and customs.

Carter:

Swap: History and Personality Swapped with Takashi. He is still a Chonky boy. His family is from Germany. His parents are alive but divorced and on good terms. His mother let him room with Nicky while going to an American academy, for the experience. He keeps in touch with them though along with his Adoptive sister, Suzie. Suzie is always willing to be a model for him when he makes clothing. This Carter is a body positive boi and very up beat. He thinks people can look good no matter what their size is, so he has a blog and Instagram where he shows off his creations for plus sized people.

Swap2.0: History and Personality swapped with Syris because It's a challenge. This Carter is thin and Malnourished. He has Amnesia, He has forgotten how to talk. He was kidnapped and held captive by Hunter due to his family's association with Monsters and demons. They have been trying to get him to talk but this Carter has been hit in the head a couple of times. If saved, he will become clingy to his savior.

Cathy: Carter but Thicc Girl.

Cyborg: In the human verse, Carter gets to be the special one. He is a cyborg among humans. His parents are government scientists. After an accident they worked hard to save their son from death...making him a Cyborg. His hides his Robotic parts with fake skin.

Hunter!: Carter in the Evil!Verse is a Hunter. He isn't friends with the others and could arguably be the only good one in the bunch. Was actually trained by a Reaper, Loki, to help control the evil population of monsters. He isn't overweight in this one but is mostly small but buff as hell. His parents were murdered by monsters. Kinda like a reverse Nicolas.

Monster!Carter: Carter is a monster among the others. Specifically he is a Fallen angel. He and his parents were kicked out of heaven for being a bit rebellious of the Rules. They were told they could come back if they help punish 200 criminals...but they're rebellious so they don't care. This Carter is still big but he had Black wings and a broken Halo on his head. He has some piercings as well. He becomes fast friends with demons because chubby little rebel in him. He is passive aggressive though.

Syris:

Swap2.0: History and Personality swaped with Edwin. This Syris is a lot more Social then Normal Syris. His parents only had him for cult reasons and wasn't treated well and only as a servant for his Eldritch father. Till his mother was chased out of town and the little monster was taken in by a Good!Loki. That Loki simply runs a line of burial services across the country. Caskets, Urns and other things. Anyway, this Syris likes to Wear Cyberpunk/Goth clothing in human form. He has his hair dyed brown with highlights of black. He loves to make techno remixes, music, synthwave and often Djs as Raves in his Teens. His best friend Edwin that he met in Middle school. They work on a lot of projects together. Syris often makes the music behind Edwin's Animations. Syris and Edwin often practiced Korean together in middle school. Nicolas in this universe is their other friend from France. He rooms with Syris in the Country side Villa they have. Syris has taken to helping Nicolas add to his style of clothing.

Sarah: Feminine Syris.

Human: Human Syris. Still a bit clingy by nature...he is in foster care and gets moved from home to home. So when he makes close friends he doesn't like leaving them.

Pure Evil: Syris is a borderline character in terms of Alignment. This one is pure Evil. He is very selfish and self absorbed. He runs a cult...based around himself where he brainwashes humans to worship him. He often has people sacrifice themselves to him...or their family for a favor.

Pure good: This Syris is a bean. He just wants to be loved. He isn't as pushy as normal Syris. He often tries his best to do good for others...even if people are afraid of his appearance. He is very protective of his friends and often goes into 'Papa bear's Mode.

Pet!: A mini version of Syris. He is a small chonky bean that likes being pet and held. He is about the height of a teddy bear. That is all.

Civil!: A civilized version of Syris without the problems that made Syris the way he is. He was raised like a normal kid. This Syris is not clingy. He enjoys attention but isn't going to actively go after someone. He is a gifted student in cosmic magic. He wants to work in NASA when he gets older. He enjoys cooking and writing. He particularly like to write fan fictions and horror novels. He can also be called School!Syris.

That's all for now. I'll probably put down more later. I mean I do have more... Like Animal and Mermaid versions but those are self explanatory.

[thegc4life]

(Part 2) And your younger self is less actually you, but more of the quirk manifesting itself to look like you, and if you get its approval, it means you were honest and learned something. And let go of the thought you kept buried deep inside. Could be angsty, could not be. (Lets face it, it mostly is.) Best part? Everyone's in the room together and the center of the quirk is what manifests 'you' as a hologram that might as well be the real thing, so they all get to watch! Fun times.

...I think your first ask might have been eaten, my dear, because I only have this part 2. But I think I’m getting the gist!

and Ouch. The gist hurts in all the right ways. 

So many of the 1-A kids would be amazing for this. Midoriya? Little baby Midoriya who just wants to be a hero and is pushed around and is quirkless and hurt? And they all get to see that as Midoriya comes to terms with it as best he can?! With a soft voice full of determination and telling his younger self that he will find the parts of himself that are most important and no, the most important part isn’t the quirk he got! It was the heart he kept! The drive to help others?! YES

Bakugo. BAKUGO. The Bakugo of now, with all the guilt, self-hatred, and GROWTH having to face down the him of the past that believed he was the best, would always BE the best, and deserved to stand at the top regradless of who he crushed to get there? Having to tell his younger self he isn’t what he thinks he is, but he COULD be. He COULD if he just tried. Having to come to terms, actual terms, with what went down with Midoriya. And Midoriya BEING there to see it. Yeeeeessss.

TODOROKI! I don’t even have to say anything, oh my god! This precious bean child talking to the younger, even more bean child, and all the soft smiles, words of wisdom, and HOPE that whole thing would inspire?! The strenght he would show?! The compassion?! I’m crying just thinking about it, AHHHHH!

For the pro’s, just imagining some of them. Best Jeanist I want just for giggles. Little jeanist and the more modernized version just... gossiping and hashing it out and older Jeanist sharing the latest fashion trends. XD

Rumi fighting younger Rumi, to the dismay of all affected by the quirk.

....Hawks makes me cry. You know how much I love baby feathers (I’m assuming you know how much I love baby feathers, and if you don’t let me tell you it is with ALL MY HEART AND SOUL) and now you offer not only the opportunity for Hawks to have to speak, deal, and come to terms with everything about his childhood but to have others WITNESS this?! What if- what if it’s not even Hawks that really gets that resolution where it needs to be for the quirk to end? Like they all try with their own mini’s and it takes a while for some, but for Hawks? They are there for HOURS and it doesn’t seem to be changing. So they each take a turn, and it doesn’t look like it’s working. Doesn’t LOOK like it’s working. Older Hawks is watching them all approach his younger self, the things they say and do, and the realizations he comes to. And then, at the end, he just places a hand on his younger self’s head and says ‘it turns out okay’ with a smile as he nods at all his friends (they are FRIENDS I will FIGHT FOR THIS) and that’s all he needs to say. T-T

Oh my god, can you imagine this with Endeavor? Holy crap would that be a ride and a half. And all the anger and hatred he’s always directed outward, then inward, now at his younger self and it just turns into the nastiest fricken fight. I don’t even know how to resolve that one besides Older Endeavor winning the fight and continuing to move towards the path of attempted redemption he is on now. If his family was watching? Oooooh my god, the amount of angst there. AHHHHHHH

This is such a good idea, Anon! Gosh dang! If you ever write anything for this I will be waiting here with grabby hands and wide, teary eyes. 

[lachlann-macnab]

BDRP 2020 QUESTIONNAIRE

Your Name: Jean

Characters: Lachlann “Launchpad” MacNab

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth. What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

Well, Launchpad is relatively new so he’s still pretty much the same as I envisioned him from the start-

-though I’ll admit that the idea of him having an enormous crush on Seamus/Scrooge was a surprise. I think it only took a couple of little chats with Sav and familiarizing myself with Seamus’ story for him to go “yes!! that’s the one I love!! let me at him!!”.

The funny thing is that it just kind of happened but also has a degree of canonicity to it; Granted, Ducktales ‘17 (the canon that got me into the Duckverse) didn’t delve a whole lot on the relationship those two have...but Ducktales ‘87 does and it’s fucking beautiful. 

But I didn’t know that! I was just familiar with the newest canon -exploring the relationship led me to the older canon and I absolutely love it! I love the way the older version of LP is equal parts silly and capable and I try my best to express that nice balance on my interpretation.

And I wouldn’t have found that sweet spot if it hadn’t been for Sav and Seamus!

Pick another character (or the same character if you only have one) and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year?

Oooh man, this is probably going to sound rude of me, but I want someone to call Launchpad out on his shit.

He is a happy-go-lucky man, he is positive, he does think the best of everyone right from the start, he is honest with that, but there’s also a degree of performativity to the way he interacts with people: he is a people pleaser and he’s also someone who avoids problems/confrotation when possible.

That leads to him having a hard time actually voicing what he thinks when things were serious. Launchpad will default to what he thinks is the most noble/the best option even if he actually hates it. He tries his best to be a reliable dude, but that pushes him to his limits every now and then -and he hates it, but will do it anyways.

I’d love for someone to notice that and point out his marthyr complex to him, or how hypocritical he can actually be when noone is looking. 

Jun did an amazing job at that, with the whole Moon Market incident and that is part of why I love his characterization and- I could rant about how Jun and LP are actually similar, yet different, but I won’t.

Someone please bitchslap my idiot son and tell him to be honest with his feelings, maybe get him to confront his feelings of inadequacy, maybe get him to actually face his problems instead of running away from them, kthanxs.

Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it.

I have three threads I absolutely love, each for different reasons:

*Cleanliness is next to... with Jun: Jun called my idiot son out on his ‘noble man’ act. Jun was not impressed with his efforts and pushed him to an actual mini-meltdown because Launchpad didn’t know what to do or say to try and make things better: Launchpad is so used to having his way around people that the moment someone was inmune to all his tricks he...lost it. Big time. And I loved it.

*Untitled with Eilonwy: Both of them clicked instantly and- oh, man, I can’t really express what I feel about it, but:

Launchpad feels an actual, honest, connection to Eilonwy in various ways: both of them are a little bit weird, both of them are learning, both of them were kind of kicked out their comfort zones, both of them love adventure, both of them are fearless (in different ways), but there’s also a curious father-daughter dynamic to them. Eilonwy lacked not only a father figure but also a general actual caring adult one and I guess that’s part of what draws her to LP, while LP is a naturally caring man who also, (betweem the two of us), loves feeling like a good-ish role model instead of the dude people tell you to avoid because he’s an idiot, he loves looking out for people, he loves being understood -and Eilonwy, surprisingly, understands him without even trying. 

They are so very sweet, they just clicked and both of them learn new things with the other: both about themselves and the world. And I love it.    

*Dressed to the nines with Seamus: a.k.a “the one in which Sav let me go absolutely fucking ham”: It began with a chat about the need of gratious fanservice involving Seamus wearing (and getting out of) a suit -but soon became something else thanks to the Halloween task.

We soon got the ball rolling and Black Annis happened in a stupidly organic way (her very modus operandi, I discovered kind of late during the creation, ties way too well with the thread’s title itself and I’ll never get over it), and the mix of terror and action just naturally pushed the rest of the plot into the catharsis Seamus needed after all the stuff he’s been through.

The thread gave us the opportunity to write some mindless comedy, some yearning, some tenderness, plenty of gore, blood, trauma, legit PTSD, then back to tenderness and silliness -while also mentioning and showing a good deal of the things that have made Seamus the man he currently is, with the pretty and the ugly of it.  

I just think it was an amazing character exploration for both Seamus and Lachlann, and I enjoyed every bit of it. I love Sav’s writing, I love Seamus’ characterization, I love how naturally it all evolved, I love how Sav can casually bring something up while plotting and the thing just clicks into place, I love how we just kind of understand where things are going or where we want them to go. Sav’s just amazing at brainstorming and general writing and I feel really, really lucky to have the chance to write with her.

I have no choice but to stan, really.

 And I could go on and on about how the thread pushed both Seamus and Lachlann towards some big character development, but I really don’t want to rant -so I’ll leave it like this.

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.

Gee, that’s a difficult one. I guess my strongest suit as of now would be Launchpad’s voice as a character -and I’m not only talking about dialogue.

I think everyone that has read any of my threads has noticed by now that the flow of the narration is an extension of how Launchpad himself feels and thinks: it’s chaotic and emotional, it can get self-conscious and snarky when he, himself, can’t, it brings some exposition while not breaking the simple, chaotic rythm of Launchpad per-se.

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.

This is way easier for me to pinpoint, hah! I definitely need to work on the length of my posts: I know seeing paragraphs upon paragraphs upon paragraphs can make people tired or make them feel intimidated to interact. 

I also need to work on organizing Launchpad’s chaotic thoughts. The narration does get long-winded and sometimes the progression from point A to point B is way too chaotic -so much so that actually erasing it all would make no impact on the overall narration. 

Pick one of your plots, or even just a character, and come up with a list of 3-5 “mentor texts” where you can look for inspiration or research, then write a short (2-4 sentences) why you picked those texts. 

Not texts per-se, but I think a good way to get a feel of Launchpad’s general vibe is to watch “Top Duck” from Ducktales ‘87 and/or “The Duck Knight Returns” and “Double-o-duck in: You only crash twice”; Those episodes do an amazing job in expressing his insecurities and passions.

Now, leaving the source material behind, I think a book he resonates with is “Oh, the Places You'll Go!” by Dr. Seuss -it’s fun, it’s simple and it has an overall heartwarming message: It kind of captures that sense of wonder, discovery and positivity Launchpad both has and wishes to offer other people. 

Another inspiration of sorts for Launchpad is Ferry’s “Parties are for losers” series: First of all, I’ll admit I’m a sucker for the Strugatsky brothers and СТАЛКЕР, so it’s no surprise I’m in love with Ferry’s interpretation of the story; I see a little bit of LP in KT’s story, but also in Yura’s and, surprisingly, in Olga’s. 

PAFL’s setting is different, yet similar, to the Soviet sci-fi original: it deals with some disenchantment, it’s far from idealistic, it’s rough, but it’s also full of wonder and adventure: there’s big risks, but there’s also a good deal of things that make things, if not better, a little bit less miserable for the characters -and sometimes that something that keeps them going is other’s presence. PAFL is, for me, the inspiration for adventures that aren’t always glamourous, simple, or happy, taken by characters that are far from perfect, that have the odds against them, that carry a whole lot of baggage and, yet, prevail.

And, finally, a last inspiration for Launchpad, my lovable idiot son, comes from probably the place one would expect the least: God of War (2018).

I’m also a sucker for God of War, sue me.  

I know it may seem bizare, but the message of the game just clicks with LP -and before you start wondering how in hell Kratos could possibly inspire Launchpad just let me tell you: he doesn’t. Because it’s not about Kratos I’m refering to when I talk about that story! I’m actually thinking of Mimir!

I love him so much.

Mimir’s role on the game is multifacetic: he brings exposition and ocasional comedic relief, sure, but I see him as the heart of the interactions between Kratos and Atreus (Kratos’ son, for those who may not know). Kratos is emotionally repressed and keeps to himself a lot while Atreus is a bundle of joy, energy, curiosity and someone that doesn’t think ‘because I say so’ is a valid answer to things; Kratos and Atreus clash during the first part of the game even when they love one another in their very particular ways.

In comes Mimir.

Mimir(’s head) joins the party and takes upon himself to act as a bridge between emotional distant father and young naive fearless son and...things start working for the three of them! Kratos starts understanding Atreus! Atreus slowly understands his father’s worries and needs! They begin the story as (almost) complete strangers but by the end they have an actual bond thanks to Mimir’s constant pushing and interventions: Mimir is soft with Atreus but bold with Kratos, the man knows when to joke and throw some riské comments for the chaos of it, but he’s also the first to offer words of comfort and understanding. 

The man becomes part of the family even when he isn’t related to them by blood, even going so far as to give a ‘no, take me instead!’ when presented with the opportunity by a pair of enemies, even when his whole story tells us that he thinks of the idea of dealing with those people (won’t say who, because spoilers) as worse than death -the man hates the mere idea of going back but doesn’t hesitate a second to offer himself as a sacrifice for his new family.

And, damn, that’s what I base my interpretation of Launchpad on. He’s not a part of the family per-se but he constantly acts as a bridge between the youngest and more idealistic parts of it and the jaded, older, tired one; He’s happy to be comedic relief but will also sit and give anyone a pep talk when absolutely necessary -he knows his limitations but keeps trying and offering his best for those he cares about. He tries to be the heart.

I’m emotional about a disembodied head, don’t touch me. Play God of War (2018), it’s fucking amazing.

And now, a wishlist!: 

I’m...actually up for everything and anything, really. I’d love some adventures, but I also love the more mundane interactions, I love the heavier topics but also the silly moments. 

I guess, as I said before, the one thing I’d really love is for someone to push Launchpad to be honest about his feelings. Also a plot about him either considering to or actually flying again -those, however, will happen in due time and I have no rush to make ‘em.

Why do you RP?

Short explanation?: I love writing and reading.

Longer explanation?: I love writing and reading, I love complex characterizations, I love exploring new ideas and seeing how little plot bunnies become full fledged plots and/or character explorations or bring some character development, I love how that creates a domino effect with the rest of the cast. I love to see things happen: I love watching from afar as other’s characters learn lessons, create and conect-

-also, I write and read all day, everyday: that’s my job. I do script revisionism and organizational comunication. During work hours I have to check the flow of words, tones, and overall intentions; I have to do my best to make sure someone’s idea fits the box, but RPing gives me the opportunity to take the box and toss it out of the window. RPing gives me the chance to write freely, to write silly, to be imperfect and not worry about going from A to B or dealing with a checklist or tones, intentions or other’s ideas. 

It’s just freeing. And that’s why I do (and love) it.

[deviant3lover]

OOOOOOOO! You writing for other charaters now? Cuz, here are some bois I'd like to see your take on! Pick and choose who you'd please: Zombieman, Child Emperor, Tatsumkai, Sonic, Flashy Flash, Mumen Rider, King and, (one I'd really like to see) Sweet Mask. Thanks, and happy early birthday!

Thank you~! And lmao, my birthday was like, a month ago now;; I swear my attention span is hella weak- I see a shiny thing and I 

Z I P 

Outta my work and go over to look at it for the next 3 days.

And anon… dear anon…

I will do ALL OF THEM.

MUMEN RIDER:

If I’m being honest? I honestly hated him when he was first introduced.

He cycled as fast as he could to confront the Paradisers, had a moment where he parked his bike, (a bit awkward, but I faintly enjoyed the sight) pulled off a show of confidence that implied that he knew the gravity of the situation and has a way of dealing with it effectively (the common subversive tactic: weak looking character has tremendous strength) and then got DECKED ON with one hit, showing that it was just shallow hot air he couldn’t back up.

And then he got credit for the work that Saitama did. (Albeit unintentionally.)

Not… the greatest first impression. I thought he was an overconfident guy who was playing hero, uncomprehending of the danger that he puts himself in for the sake of living in an idealised fantasy that since he’s the protagonist, since he’s the one with determination and a heart of gold, it’ll all work out. Him cycling towards the Sea King at full throttle, with him apparently not taking the hint from the Paradisers, drove that belief home to me even more.

(Wow, I sound like Garou here. :o…)

And then he launched into his spiel.

How he felt like he wasn’t good enough to take the promotion, how he knows, better than anyone, that he’s weak. That yes, he might not win- might even get killed for his fruitless efforts for it, but what matters is that he tries. Not because he feels like he can pull it off eventually, or that the monsters will submit to how ~brave~ he is, but because it’s just important to try in the face of overwhelming odds, if it means that others have a slightly better chance of surviving because of it. Willing to die just so others won’t, even when you’re dismissed as a weakling both in the present and after death.

And that made me doubt about what I thought of him.

It wasn’t until I saw him trying to convince TTM to leave Garou alone, trying to intervene when Garou attacked him, and getting his face smashed repeatedly into the concrete sidewalk for his efforts by the same man he tried to defend, that I was utterly convinced that Mumen was genuinely heroic.

This may be a little dark, but I have a feeling that Mumen’s sense of justice doesn’t entirely stem from his selfless nature, but also from feelings of worthlessness. That he goes above and beyond to be a hardworking hero because he feels he has no worth if he dares do otherwise. The Christmas extra chapter in the manga sort of sparked this belief for me. If Mumen’s sense of justice was purely selfless, he’d mention other options (e.g. Friends inviting him out, new bistro downtown, setting up a mini Christmas tree and treating himself to a nice present) and maybe consider injecting some time for himself for them, if not on Christmas day, then the day before or after. Instead, he says with a smile, that he’ll be patrolling the streets for danger with no allusion to his personal life. And that lingering suspicion still sticks to me to this day.

CHILD EMPEROR:

First impression? I didn’t think too much of him, because I didn’t have much reason to. Very little screen time in the early manga/anime didn’t get me to form much of an attachment or investment in his character.

But later on? I like him! A kid prodigy, but it’s made clear time and time again that he still has room to improve, and I’ve always been a big fan of personal growth and developing self-reflection/awareness in stories. The fact that he wasn’t a stuck-up brat who thought he knew everything, and (taking into account that he’s literally 10 years old) still had a great deal of growth ahead of him in terms of the technological and the personal…

Yeah. I’m definitely holding out my hope for seeing a side story dedicated to him.

If I had the luck to choose the idea for the plot, I would love to see what sparked his love for technology, his mishaps and successes and so-so’s when it came to developing his skills and his gadgets. I want to be able to see the people around him reacting with awe and confusion over this kid hurriedly drawing up complex diagrams on a chalkboard board for different ideas before they leave his mind, which gadgets he’s put the most work in, the most time on, and is proud of, and finally; if he had a snobby phase and is ashamed of it. Bonus points if he took a break from his work to read up on how to be more like a mature adult so that older people will take him more seriously outside of being an inventor.

SONIC:

I, uh… honestly don’t think too much of him? He never really stuck with me.

Conversely… I do, however, like the few times we get the spotlight shined on him. He’s a badass to watch, and I laughed and cringed when the infamous ‘accidental punch’ scene came up on my screen. Considering the fact that I watched the anime first before the manga, I wasn’t anticipating it at all.

Which makes me glad in this case! The animated scene feels way more impactful and memorable than the manga version. I felt the build up and the rapidly increasing dread rise in me as I saw Saitama’s fist slowly punch Sonic’s unmentionables. Animating the- ahem- impact of his punch done me in and seared that scene into my mind.

Hmm… I feel like Sonic’s a more rebellious version of Flash, whilst also having been influenced by him. The both of them enjoy taking care of themselves in more luxurious ways, with their glossy hair and refusal to be filthy or rough in any way (e.g. Flash taking good care of his hair in the shower, Sonic opting to cook the monster cells and serve them tastefully before eating them) but I feel like Sonic likes rebelling more outwardly towards how he’s been trained and conditioned as a ninja compared to Flash. He just gives off that vibe~

Expanding on that, I feel like he’s more self-reflective and subtle in his thoughts. Flash is sort of absorbed in his own business and narrow range of experiences (not that I’m blaming him: he’s a busy man) while Sonic is more rooted to reality, and is a little more mellowed out to show for it. In the audio CDs, he gains a new understanding of what Saitama is forced to go through and respects him more as a person than just a milestone to beat, and he overcomes his trauma of Saitama ‘punching him’ by accepting what happened and simply keeping the possibility of it happening again in mind; not to torture himself or blame himself for being ‘weak,’ but to acknowledge what he’s fearful of and accepting it, allowing him to move on.

FLASHY FLASH:

I was gunning hard for him to be a cold-blooded woman assassin who wants to look elegant and deadly at the same time. Femme fatale, minus the seduction.

I was a little disappointed when he turned out to be a guy, and more so when he riled up Metal Bat with his insults while telling them to cut it out (counter intuitive, but it wouldn’t have been so bad if I wanted to see that. But I didn’t want to see it so lmao-) so, apart from his cool character design, I was a little turned off in my investment in him.

I was hoping that they kept the name ‘Lightspeed Flash’ instead of Flashy Flash. Yes, I know that they’re pretty much the same in terms of meaning, but the former just sounds more dignified. Considering he’s a man who takes himself seriously in both his work and appearance, I feel like it’s more in character for him to suggest a hero name that sounds more impressive, but still shows that sort of silliness underneath when you look closely.

He gained back some of my respect for him when he directly told Tatsumaki off for stealing his kill and talking down on him. That takes mad guts and I was wondering which of the heroes are willing to risk a serious fight with her to prove that they’re not one to be trifled with.

(Metal Bat was a little different in that regard: at the time, I just saw him as another affectionate parody of the delinquent trope. Nice contrast to the rest of the older, calmer heroes, but a little generic.)

Flashy Flash… yeah. I feel like he’s willfully disconnected himself from the world both emotionally and socially. Not because he’s afraid, but because he thinks it’s useless. He’s already seen the worst of it thanks to his upbringing, so there’s no point in putting in effort to go out and explore just to discover what else is wrong with the world.

I also think that, like Tatsumaki, he feels more than competent on his own and believes doesn’t need any outside help or interference. Hence, anyone who doesn’t meet his personal standards immediately has their opinions and suggestions of him dismissed or not truly considered with respect. He thinks he knows what’s best, even when there’s opinions screaming that he’s not, because he doesn’t respect others that way.

KING:

OOF- Okay, I was actually pretty ambivalent about him.

I thought he was cool when he intimidated the Tongue monster into submission, then thought he was an egotistical, vain hero when confronted by the G4 monster, then thought he was a pitiful, cowardly man forced to flee out of necessity, and then thought he was an endearing puppy when he realized just who Saitama is to him.

And. Hm.

King is… a very genuine man. I like him. Like Mumen Rider, he’s willing to put himself on the line to protect others. What makes me a little conflicted is if he’s more, the same, or less heroic than Mumen.

More: He has absolutely nothing to defend himself with in terms of physical skills or strength. His luck is his only maxed out stat in the hero game he’s obliged to play, and he’d rather be left alone, but he still puts his life on the line to help others, even when he’s scared witless.

Less: He does have his awe inspiring, fear inducing reputation that can neutralise the monster threats more often than not, and is aware of this, using it to his advantage. So maybe he’s a little less courageous since he knows it will work in his favour more often than not.

My take on him…  King strikes me as a good man. In a normal, monsterless world, he won’t be the kind who’ll fearlessly charge into battle against terrorists, or pull off any awe inspiring feats by himself by passing life saving legislations; this man isn’t interested in grand scale heroics and would rather support those who are interested and are good at it.

No, King strikes me as a man who wants to keep to himself and offer his sincere help to those who manages to become good friends with this shy man. He may be quaking in his boots at imminent danger, but he’ll still try to stand up for what’s right when someone else is being taken advantage of, even if he’s not entirely sure of what he’s doing.

AMAI MASK:

(RECENT WEBCOMIC SPOILERS!!)

I never cared much for Amai until now.

I can’t imagine anything more devastating than working yourself down to the bone to protect and give people hope, to cultivate others into what it means to be a true hero, only to realize the people you worked so hard for was just as hideous as you used to be. This man worked so hard, and him protecting the people he cared about wasn’t enough to deter them from reacting with horror and disgust. It wasn’t even five minutes until the first of his ungrateful ‘fans’ tried stoning him.

Thank God Saitama intervened… the look on his face after he was called a cool guy was both ugly cute and heart wrenching. He may have been called dreamy or inspirational by the adoring masses, but being broken down to the very thing that you’ve been ashamed and fearful of your entire life, and still having someone who sees you as someone worthwhile must’ve meant the world to Amai. He’s a monster, yes, but he kept a vice grip on his morals and never let them go, even when his grip on them was weakening with every breath he took.

I also liked the way that ONE written his rise to fame. The build-up and anticipation surrounding how he looked behind the mask, Amai himself being bitter over the vanity of the public, learning to accept it, and gradually became obsessed with embodying the symbol of justice- this time, where everyone can see it. But it wasn’t on his own terms, no; instead of being seen as the ugly but virtuous man before, he has to present himself as a handsome idol, instead of being loved and revered for who he truly is; ugly and all. That it’s not a defect.

And I felt pity for him when I realized that’s what happened.

My opinion and takes (interpretations) of him? He’s interesting, to put it lightly.

If I think more on it, I feel like he’s losing himself to his delusions. It’s ironic: someone focusing on saving the hearts of others, yet all they can see is themselves.

True to the series, Amai reminds me of Genos. Of what Genos would’ve turned out to be if he was kept alone with no one he can truly connect with. No one who can remind him of the sweeter things in life that don’t matter. No one you have a personal, deep connection with to return home to.

Amai strikes me as a man who’s so focused on eliminating evil that he sees it everywhere, no matter how small or large it is, or if it even exists. If someone doesn’t live up to his standards or sees what he sees, he immediately has this sort of insurmountable, unseen distance from them that can’t be easily crossed.

In all honesty, I’m intrigued and worried for him. Part of my indulgent ideas for him is that he’s slowly starting to hallucinate and had started monsterize from the inside for a long, long while, and it’s only by the Association’s dependence on him and his adoring fans that keeps preserving the man that he used to be when he was purely heroic, but hideous. And even then, it’s not enough.

I feel like he’s painted himself in a corner where he feels it’s too late to try and get help for his condition, instead desperately searching for someone who can take his place. He knows how important a symbol is, and if he had the choice, would keep it up as long as he lives, but his passion for it isn’t enough to drive off what he’s becoming.

And he was right.

ZOMBIEMAN:

I may have done Zombieman already, but I also realise that I’ve missed out on some things that I wanted to include~

In contrast to Amai, Zombieman strikes me as the type of guy who’s a sort of ‘Frankenstein’s Monster’ character. Unlike the book character, Zombieman is in a society that accepts, reveres, and adores him for all he does despite his questionable history and to what degree he is ‘human.’ He doesn’t seem to believe that what he is makes up for who he is, and anyone who thinks otherwise will earn his ire; but again, like Frankenstein’s monster, he knows it’s a part of him, and that it’s still a source of discomfort for him. He needs to get that skeleton out of his closet for him to truly enjoy life.

TATSUMAKI:

Honestly, I didn’t notice too much of her character until much, much later in the manga. Prior to that, I admired her ability to take care of the worst threats by herself. Soloist heroes and protagonists were always a soft spot of mine: learning to handle the worst of what life had to throw at you and being good at it, but not necessarily good at taking care of your emotional and mental wellbeing, confiding in others about that, and showing that it’s okay to be vulnerable or lost or flawed, and endeavoring to fix that?

Yesss. Good trope. One of my favorites.

So, what finally caught my attention from her?

Her fight with Psykos.

I was sort of seething with the way Psykos was chilling smugly in her underground lair. Her plan was smart, but the way she was so self-assured and the way she thinks she’s above others; human and monster alike, sipping wine all the while?

That irritated me a lot.

So, to see Tatsumaki rip her from her cozy room and into the fray of the battle, coercing her into spilling intel by twisting her limbs and body each and every way to force it out, and striking fear into her heart with that sadistic, predatory smile of hers?

I loved it. Whoo!

As for takes… I’m not sure if I have any on her to be honest! At least, not one that isn’t already canon. She believes that you shouldn’t rely on others to become strong, or to save you, and has lived up to that idea by herself. She can back up her words and I admire that.

I do feel a little sorry for her, considering what she’s gone through. As much as I agree with her, sometimes she can take it too far.

I was a little irked by her showing little to no concern for shielding her team mates from getting crushed underneath the rubble of a building, with Darkshine stepping in to protect them, but I suppose she had a point; you have to take care of yourself on the battlefield.

Still; her total lack of concern left me a little perturbed.

This was curbed a bit by her refusing to uproot the association until she knew Tareo was safe; I feel like that added more character to her in the manga, as opposed to the webcomic.

In conclusion: All of these characters are good. UoU! Murata and One are great writers, and they made them feel fleshed out and distinct from each other in almost every way possible whilst keeping them believable. And I love them for it. :3

[bb-bambam]

Past Meets Future

Jinyoung has been staring at the pair in front of him for nearly five minutes straight now without saying a word, but he still can't tear his eyes away. He feels like he's looking at a carbon-copy of himself, except it actually is him, just aged up by eight years. It's absolutely bizarre and fascinating and he honestly has no idea what the proper reaction to something like this is, but Jaebeom seems to be similarly in awe of his own future self, so Jinyoung thinks what he's doing now is probably reasonable.

All things considered, future-Jinyoung isn't that different from him now, at least physically-speaking. His cheeks have rounded out a bit, his ears don't stick out as visibly, and his hair is fluffy and soft rather than styled up with gel, but other than that, Jinyoung can easily believe that eight years from now, he'll become the confident-looking man in front of him.

Future-Jaebeom is a completely different story. Jinyoung spends much longer staring at him, because if it weren't for the tell-tale twin moles on his eyelid, the distinct shape of his nose, and the crescent shape of his eyes when he smiles, he would think that his Jaebeom and this grown-up version of him are totally different people. With his long hair, half tied up with the rest loosely framing his face and settling around his shoulders, the piercings on his nose and cheek, the lack of tension in his shoulders, future-Jaebeom looks more comfortable with himself than Jinyoung has ever known Jaebeom to be. And his Jaebeom probably thinks the same, Jinyoung knows, because a quick glance tells him that the Jaebeom next to him can't stop gaping.

"Gosh, look at us," future-Jinyoung sighs, his eyes fond. "We were so young."

"You were so cute, Jinyoungie," future-Jaebeom says, looking delighted. Jinyoung is amazed by how easily future-Jaebeom shares future-Jinyoung's personal space. Future-Jinyoung's arm is draped along the back of future-Jaebeom's chair and there isn't a centimeter of space between them – they almost look like they're purposely leaning against each other. It's a stark contrast to the awkward gap between himself and the Jaebeom next to him, both of them careful not to touch each other and Jaebeom very stiff in his seat.

Future-Jinyoung's lips curl into a mischievous smile. "What, I'm not cute now, Jaebeommie?"

Jinyoung chokes a little at the blatant disregard for honorifics. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see that Jaebeom is similarly stunned. "Oops, sorry," future-Jinyoung says a moment later, not looking very sorry at all. "I meant Jaebeommie-hyung." Somehow, the flippant way he says it feels even more scandalous than when he had left the honorific off.

"Jinyoungie, please," future-Jaebeom says, smiling like future-Jinyoung hasn't just casually broken one of his strictest rules. Out of the corner of his eye, Jinyoung can see Jaebeom's jaw jutting out angrily at future-Jaebeom's lax attitude, though he doesn't try to say anything. "You're stressing our baby selves out."

"Are you really us?" Jaebeom finally blurts out, still looking peeved.

"We certainly are," future-Jinyoung says brightly. "Hard to believe, though, right?"

Jinyoung finds himself nodding mutely. It is hard to believe that he and Jaebeom will ever be even half as comfortable with each other as the men sitting across from them seem to be. "It just –" he tries to say, and then gives up, deciding to ask something else instead. "Just – how?"

Their future selves laugh a little at that. "Give it time," future-Jaebeom says warmly. He eyes at his younger self pointedly as he continues. "You especially have a lot of growing up to do. And there are a lot of things you've internalized that you need to let go of." Jaebeom looks a little panicked, and future-Jaebeom smiles. "Don't worry. You'll get there eventually. And you have someone who'll be there for you through all of it."

Jinyoung meets Jaebeom's eyes, and the look he finds there makes him feel like Jaebeom is seeing him for the first time. He startles when he feels future-Jinyoung reach out and pat his hand comfortingly. "That means you have to be patient with him, okay?" future-Jinyoung says. "It's going to take him a while, and he's going to make a lot of mistakes that might hurt you."

"What?" Jinyoung glances at Jaebeom again, who looks surprisingly stricken at that.

Their future selves exchange a fond look with each other that makes Jinyoung feel like he's intruding on something private. "When that happens, you have to tell him," future-Jaebeom says, looking intently at Jinyoung, who feels his face heat up slightly under the older Jaebeom's gaze. "Because he likely won't even know he hurt you in the first place." He offers them both a small smile. "If there's anything I know for sure, it's that Im Jaebeom would never intentionally hurt Park Jinyoung. But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen accidentally."

"I'll tell him," Jinyoung promises. If this is what he needs to do so his Jaebeom will learn how to relax and turn into this softer, more comfortable Jaebeom, then he can do that.

"Good," future-Jinyoung says, his eyes twinkling.

"Nyoungie," future-Jaebeom says after a few moments, and the affection in his voice as he says the nickname is devastating. Jinyoung can't even imagine his Jaebeom ever speaking to him like that. "We have to go."

"I guess we should go try to find a way back too," Jaebeom says, making eye contact with Jinyoung and clearly trying to appear calmer and more mature than usual. Jinyoung finds it incredibly endearing, his effort to impress – his future self? Future-Jinyoung? Jinyoung isn't quite sure who the display is for, but it doesn't matter. He offers Jaebeom a shy smile, and is surprised to see Jaebeom's cheeks turn a little pink.

The four of them get up, and Jinyoung is left walking by himself, a few steps behind Jaebeom. He wonders when walking side-by-side will start coming to them naturally, the way it clearly does for their future selves, wonders how any of the familiar intimacy will ever develop between them if they can't even do something as simple as walk next to each other.

Future-Jinyoung seems to notice his worrying – and it makes sense that he does, Jinyoung supposes, considering they're the same person – because he slows down to walk next to Jinyoung. "Don't worry too much, mini-me," future-Jinyoung says, his voice soft. "I used to wonder whether it was all worth it too. But one day, he's going to wake up and realize that out of everything in his life, you're what matters to him most. And by that point, he's already going to be the most important part of your life too." He smiles at Jinyoung reassuringly. "It'll take a bit of effort from both of you, but I promise, no matter how it feels right now, you two are going to be okay." With that, he squeezes Jinyoung's shoulder lightly before running off to latch onto future-Jaebeom's arm. Jinyoung, suddenly filled with determination, speeds up a little to fall into step with his Jaebeom too.

While their future selves start talking to each other animatedly, Jinyoung and Jaebeom walk in silence. It still seems almost impossible that the scene in front of them will become their reality, but, as Jinyoung observes the way future-Jaebeom's eyes shine as he looks at future-Jinyoung, he allows himself to hope that they can get there one day.

[bigskydreaming]

What are the best standalone dc comics you can recommend to someone who just knows the main few jla heroes, the existence of multiple robins, and only a few of their actual names? The less grimdark the better, I've already got Li'l Gotham, Kami Garcia's Raven, Superman's pal Jimmy Olsen in my list. Anything with Dick?

With the ironic exception of the 90′s Nightwing solo series, which I will never recommend as it contains all of my least favorite staples of his character lol, from cop Dick to ‘let’s systematically destroy his life because that builds character’ which uh, is NOT the point of angst or conflict IMO, lol.....

Ahem, anyway, except for the 90′s Nightwing solo series, I personally would recommend going back to the 90′s comics for fun stuff. First off, back then the titles were a lot less interconnected, it was a lot easier to read just one book and not inevitably need to rush over to another one to get any context for what was happening, and like....I think the 90′s (at least for DC) gets an undeserved rep. It was dark at times, definitely, but not the unending grimdark of some of the more recent years, and there was a definite focus on younger heroes - for instance, a lot of the names I bring up in my posts about the lineup I’d use for Jason’s Titans, those come straight out of the 90′s versions of those characters. Like The Ray, Damage, Anima, etc.

So the 90′s Young Justice book, Superboy, etc. The Flash, because Wally and Linda Park are a hugely underrated DC couple and were so great together, and the Rogues were at their best in the 90s, I think. The JSA title from back then was a TON of fun at times, with a lot of characters you’ll rarely see anywhere else, unfortunately, but definitely deserve all the love. 

And the 90′s Robin book! Maybe unexpected given my posts about Tim and his fandom these days, but a huge part of my issue there is that fanon Tim and Red Robin Tim are just....the ANTITHESIS of everything Tim was originally, and why I loved him. In the beginning, 90′s Tim was the Robin Who Shouldn’t Have Been. What I mean by that is he wasn’t this exceptional prodigy whose rise to heroism was inevitable - his discovery of Batman and Robin’s identity was as much a matter of luck and fanboyism than anything, certainly not Tim being this child-sized Batman who was every bit as competent as his older counterparts with none of the training. 

Tim was the Robin who made no sense, and that was the point - he didn’t have Dick’s lifetime of dedicated athletics or Jason’s street-smarts or self-preservation instincts (Jason died because he followed his understandable desire for family rather than his instincts, it was never because he was this reckless kid with no sense of danger, he KNEW how to protect himself and keep himself safe and alive...the tragedy of his death was it happened because he didn’t CARE in his desire to believe the best of Sheila and try and save her).

The point of Tim, originally, was he became the hero he was for one reason only - sheer stubborn determination to live up to the example of the Robins before him and be the partner he believed with all his heart that Batman needed. Tim, ironically given how he’s portrayed today and viewed by fans - was the everyman. 

Yeah, he was wealthy, but that wealth wasn’t portrayed like he was Bruce Wayne Jr., but rather just that he was a well-off kid who skateboarded and played video games and had the luxury of going off and doing what he wanted. It wasn’t emphasized the way it is now. And yeah he was something of a loner, but that was by choice - because he was this kid who was obsessed with his hobbies that by their very nature required secrecy. But he had friends, he was just selective about them, and his only hurtle to making friends later with his teammates was the secrecy demanded by Batman. And he was never this socially awkward, maladjusted loner who was a lonely outsider constantly looking in - Tim has probably had more casual girlfriends than any of his brothers, he was awkward but never exceptionally so, and his social issues or problems fitting in at times at school were always portrayed as like....teenage growing pains, rather than any kind of true outsider status.

Tim Drake, originally, was just your average kid who became a hero because he loved heroes and believed in them, and he saw a void that nobody else was filling, and said well if nobody else is going to do it, might as well be me. 

And he was the Robin who had everything set against him and no reason to expect he’d actually work out....because he wasn’t an innately exceptional athlete or genius, he HAD lived a relatively sheltered and privileged life (at that point, though they emphasized and upped the tragedy and neglect of his family circumstances more and more in later years)....but initially, the point was....he had no reason to have the skills or the drive of either of the two previous Robins....AND YET HE SUCCEEDED ANYWAY.

For one simple reason:

He was determined to. He refused to give up. He powered through despite all odds. THAT was the point of Tim Drake.

He was the underdog. That was why we rooted for him!

And that’s why the modern version and the fanon versions of him are so dissatisfying to me personally, because they’ve taken ALL of that away from him and made him into this entitled, inevitable HEIR to all the talents and instincts and toils of everyone who came before him. He doesn’t have to work for any of it, it all just comes naturally to him. From his first appearance in most stories, he’s already the equal of all of his predecessors, able to play cat and mouse with Bruce and Dick and Jason without any of them gleaning on to the fact that he knows more than them, and he’s like....the puppet master secretly helping them all from behind the scenes because they apparently need his help and were incompetent until he came along and that’s not Tim Drake to me and completely the opposite of why he was so great! Now in fanon he’s as wealthy as Bruce and as tragic as Jason and as athletic as Dick and as smart as Babs and I know I’m always saying the Batfamily is a family of Mary Sues and that’s their entire concept, but there’s this insistence on Tim being the MOST Mary Sue of them all and THAT’S his niche, like if he isn’t the most special or talented or smart then what’s even the point of him and its like......STUBBORN TEENAGE HERO IDEALIZATION! THAT’S THE POINT OF TIM!

Modern and fanon Tim Drake is this dark, brooding, cynical pragmatist, when 90′s Tim was the kid who was so hopeful and optimistic he brought a smile back to even Dick Grayson’s face when Dick Grayson had stopped smiling!

Ahem.

Anyway.

Yeah, 90s Robin is a good series. So is the original Batgirl series. I’m a sucker for Kyle Rayner of course, so I’d recommend his solo Green Lantern title, but even though his debut happened in Green Lantern vol 3 issue #50, I’d start around #60 to be honest, because the early issues are when women in refrigerators was coined with the utterly gratuitous murder of his girlfriend Alex deWitt, and its truly an albatross around that book’s neck that never needed to happen and IMO added absolutely NOTHING to his character or the title, so skip it and don’t do that mess the courtesy of even reading or acknowledging it. 

Hmm, what else....the Captain Marvel/Shazam stuff from back then was excellent of course, as was Wonder Woman and her supporting cast. The Titans were honestly not at their best in the 90s though there were some good minis here and there. 

After the 90s, my recs are sporadic - I’d read the Ryan Choi as Atom series, Jaime Reyes’ Blue Beetle books, the Jason Rusch Firestorm, etc. I really have very little modern or current DC recommendations as IMO the entire New 52 was an unnecessary miss and Rebirth has done very little to course correct, though I do think the early Rebirth Nightwing title was pretty good and had some fun stuff.

Anyone else got anymore/other recs for anon?

[ronninoir]

Can I Steal You for a Second? CH4

Summary: Adrien is forced to participate in a new dating show, but becomes more excited when Ladybug says she’ll participate as her civilian self. 

AKA: AU where Adrien doesn’t know Marinette, the superheroes are 22 and Gabriel is mean and ruthless but not Hawkmoth.

Read on AO3

Chapter 4

Adrien was in bed, nervously staring at his ceiling. Today was the day that 30 women would show up to the mansion. They would meet each other and be put in their Gabriel-brand dresses and then given time to do hair and make-up while at a warehouse downtown. Then, they would be moved and sent to meet him one by one in a limo and would participate in a cocktail party. Finally, he would have to cut the pool of girls down from 30 to 22. No matter which way Adrien looked at it, it was going to be a long day. 

But Ladybug will be there. That was the only thought that got him out of bed when the producer assigned to moving Adrien from place to place as the show went along (He considered her to be the TV version of Natalie, but he still hadn’t caught her name, so in his head he called her the Mini-Natalie) had begun calling at his door for him to get up. Today consisted of trying to memorize the names and pictures of the girls, hair and make-up, doing interviews about how he feels pre-meetings, and more hair and make-up before the girls began showing up at exactly nightfall. But, there was a ray of sunshine at the end of this tunnel, and it was covered in polka dots.

Adrien put on some acceptable clothes, brushed his teeth and his hair, and just barely remembered to grab Plagg from his pillow before he was rushed to a studio with a bagel in his mouth. They planned on taking videos of him doing natural things in his life, but they had set it all up in a studio so it would be just right. He felt anything but natural posing and walking around the fake sidewalk and scenery.

After he had finished with those, they moved him to a grey screen-covered area where Adrien was to do various poses with a long-stemmed rose. He felt even more awkward doing these shots than he had doing the “natural posing” earlier. They made him smile really bright and act like he was “in love.” Thankfully, all he had to do was think of Ladybug and finding out her identity and he then had the perfect look for these shots down.

They also made him work out with weights for about an hour while filming the whole thing. This wasn’t too terrible as his Father made him do similar things now that he was out of high school in order for him to keep his body shape. (If only he knew about his runs as Chat Noir, the gym workouts would be unnecessary) Though normally he did all of his workouts with a shirt on. Either that or a skin-tight leather suit. Then, and honestly the most embarrassing of all, they took a large number of shots of Adrien showering. Why, the world needed to see Adrien shirtless with water running through his hair and down his chest he literally had no idea. Thankfully he was allowed to wear swim trunks, so as to not be too exposed. But, his many years of modeling had taught Adrien never to argue with the director and he figured that applied in this situation as well.

Once the B-roll shots were taken, Adrien was whisked away for hair and make-up and another, more formal outfit for the interviews. They asked him too many questions and he just had to keep acting excited about everything that was going on. Some of the questions were just too personal or sounded funny, but Plagg was having a blast silently laughing at what Adrien was saying. Occasionally, Adrien would “stretch” and slap his pocket where Plagg was hiding. He was rewarded with a squeal and some silence for about 5 minutes before Plagg would start up again.

He was coached to be honest about some things, so when they asked about the first Rose Ceremony tonight and if he was nervous, he had no shame in saying absolutely. He cited possibly not being able to get a feel for every girl tonight as well as having to remember their names as the reason for his nervousness. Although those were true, he was mostly worried that his Lady would slip past his notice and be cut before he could figure out it was her. His only saving grace was that tomorrow was Sunday, so it wouldn’t take long for him to discover his mistake.

The questions never seemed to end, and when he asked why there were so many, the director explained that since they had to make a ton of promotional videos to get the word about the show out, as well as fill in stuff for the first episode, they had to have an abundance of material. That, at least, made sense to Adrien. He tried to play up to the camera as much as he could, but by the end he was over it.

It was almost time for dinner and then the start of the show when the director reached the final question, “In your honest opinion, Adrien, do you think this could work? Do you think you’ll be able to find love?”

Without any hesitation, Adrien’s smiled softened as he began to think about Ladybug. His response of, “I truly believe that I will meet my soulmate tonight,” earned him a handful of “awes” and sighs from the production staff. With the knowledge that he had at least given one camera-worthy response, he allowed himself to be dragged away from the set and into, yet another, stylist chair.

 ---------------------------------------------------- 

Marinette was feeling just as stressed as Adrien, but for a whole different reason. As soon as she arrived, she had an uneasy feeling. The limo driver had dropped her off at a warehouse building on the outskirts of town. It wasn’t a place she visited often as Ladybug, and so she was very unfamiliar with the area. Once inside, she was immediately ushered to a conference room where the girls were going to meet the people in charge of them and receive the concrete schedule for that day. When she asked about her luggage, a lady told her that it was going to be held by the workers in case she got cut tonight and needed to head straight home.

 “But don’t worry sweetheart, nothing’s going to happen to your things, but if you make it through tonight, you’ll be moved into the mansion quickly.” The lady gave Marinette a once over and then said, “And when you get sent home, we’ll take care of everything for you.” For some reason, Marinette wasn’t put at ease.

The conference room felt crowded with all thirty of the girls as well as a handful of producers. Marinette sat, looked around the room, and was whispering to Tikki underneath her breath. “I hope some of the girls who I met while we were getting interviewed and photographed made it. It’d be nice to see a familiar face. Or I should say, a familiar friendly face.” The annoying girl who made all of the other girls flock to her from the interview weekend, Lila, had been cast and Marinette was less than thrilled.

“I could scope out the room for you, Marinette!”

“No, I don’t want you to get lost in all of the chaos. I may let you do some exploring later. Thank you for offering, though.” Marinette gave Tikki a smile and reached her hand in to brush her finger against Tikki’s cheek. Tikki hugged her back and settled down in the purse. It took Tikki a couple of weeks, but eventually, she came around to the idea of Marinette participating. She even helped her stay calm when she was freaking out about packing and Alya hadn’t been called yet. Marinette was very grateful that she had Tikki throughout this process. She couldn’t imagine only having the other contestants to talk to all of the time and occasionally Adrien. Tikki’s going to help keep her sane.

An older man walked up to the front of the room and a hush quickly fell over the girls. There were a couple of other people around him, but he clearly was the one in charge, since everyone was looking at him, waiting for him to speak.

“Hello ladies. My name is Mike Fleiss, and I am the producer for the American version of The Bachelor. I’ve been asked to oversee this season to help push the show to be as successful as its counterpart over the seas.” He spoke French pretty well for an American, even if he did have an accent of sorts.

“I’m excited to see what this amazing and beautiful group of girls brings and I know that you all will jump start the Bachelor franchise very well. With that being said, we do have some “house rules” as you would call it, so let’s begin by going over those. Please pay attention, as you will be signing a piece of paper stating that you have gone over these rules with me.

The most important rule for you to remember is that you are not allowed to leave the mansion no matter what, unless you are on a date and are accompanied by Adrien or a producer. As long as you are in the show, you are our responsibility and we will not allow you to put yourself in harms way.”

One rule in and Marinette already knew she had to break it. She couldn’t not leave if an akuma attacked. And she had had promised Adrien that she would meet up with him every Sunday as Ladybug, and there was no way she was backing out of that. Thankfully, she could be sneaky and work around that one rule.

“There is also no use of phones or any other sort of technology that connects you to the outside world. There is no internet at this mansion and you are not allowed to have books of any kind except for the Bible unless preapproved by us.” Her sketch book was preapproved so she was good on that. “Please also note that music players are allowed but music can only be heard through earbuds for copyright reasons.

“Once inside the mansion, you are expected to do your own cooking, cleaning, and laundry. The mansion is already stocked with certain necessities, but if you ever need anything to cook with or you run out of something, let a producer know and we can make a trip to the store for you.” Considering Marinette did most of that for herself already, she wasn’t too worried. And maybe she could make friends by cooking some stuff for others too, so that could be fun.

 “Also, today and the day we shoot the last episode are the only days that the studio will do your hair and make-up. Every other day, you will be required to do it. Also, if you remember, when you were interviewed you were also measured and sized. That is because every outfit that you wear during the filming of this show is going to be a Gabriel piece. Gabriel Agreste has been very kind in allowing the show to do that and his people have picked out various outfits for you to choose from for tonight. Please note that if an outfit of yours goes missing when you are cut from the show, you will be fined and a police report will be filed.”

There were murmurs at that comment. The girl sitting closest to Marinette leaned over and whispered, “Wow that’s a lot for a missing dress,” Although Marinette understood why Gabriel was doing this, it still didn’t make it fun. What designer can make money if they give their clothes away, even if his outfits are ridiculously expensive.

“Now,” Mr. Fleiss’ voice brought all of the girls to silence again and he continued once he had all of their attention. “as you probably guessed, there are going to be cameras everywhere. If someone asks you for an interview, you do not decline. Everywhere you go, a camera goes. The only place they will not follow you into is the bathroom, but they will stand outside of the door and record sounds so be aware of that.” Mr. Fleiss paused as he seemed to make sure that everything had been covered.

 “That should be everything. If you have any questions, whether about the rules or the journey, please feel free to ask.” That moment was the first time that Marinette had seen him smile and with that smile, he gestured to the people stationed to the side of the rows of girls. “We have reached the fun part. If you would do the honors gentlemen,” the men started passing out bags to the girls closest to them and working their way around the room. “All of you are receiving a gift bag provided by our generous sponsors. Inside, you will find various hair products, different types of make-up, as well as some sunscreen and a lovely padded bikini gifted by Gabriel for you to use during the filming. And yes, before you ask, you can take the bikinis home with you.”

Excited chatter broke across the room as the girls got their bags and began pulling stuff out and looking through it. Marinette looked in hers and noticed a tube of waterproof mascara, a container of highlighter, a bottle of hair shining spray, a self-tanning lotion, the tube of sunscreen and her bikini, which was a bright red color. Red was a good color for her, for obvious reasons, and the padded bra part was nice as Marinette’s chest could use a little bit of help in that area.

 “That’s really nice of them!” Tikki whispered from Marinette’s purse.

 “I’m surprised they found so many sponsors for the show since it is so new here. This is some good, quality stuff here too. And now I can say I own a Gabriel original!” Marinette let out a tiny squeal.

 “I wouldn’t be too excited about that,” Tikki said with a laugh. “There’s not that much material here to make it too much of an original!”

 “Oh hush!” Marinette scolded, though her giggles made it seem less threatening than it was intended to be.

 Mr. Fleiss clapped and called the girls to attention. “Yes, yes, very exciting, but we have one more thing to discuss. The schedule for today. In about 20 minutes, you will be dismissed in groups of 5 to go and be worked on by our stylists. Once your hair and make-up is completed, you will be guided to your assigned dressing area, where your pre-picked dresses are waiting for you to choose from. A word of advice from someone who has worked on many seasons of this show: pick this dress wisely. If it’s too gaudy, Adrien won’t be interested. If it’s too plain, he won’t remember you.

 “And speaking of remembering, tonight you will have a chance to make a first impression. When you first get out of the limo, your look is what matters. When you walk up to Adrien though, you will be expected to have a minute conversation with him. Do something or say something to make him remember you. All of these need to be approved by Victoria,” He pointed to a lady with a clipboard who was standing by the door in the back. All of the girls were so still and quiet, you could have heard a pen drop.

 “He is not going to remember your name and want to keep you around if you don’t do something to catch his attention. You will have another chance to catch his attention during the cocktail party, so you can plan something a little more elaborate for then. During the cocktail party, however, it is your responsibility to find time with Adrien. Please keep everything you do appropriate and if you need anything not available in this building, let one of us know and we’ll make it happen for tonight.”

“The first group will be called in 15 minutes,” Victoria called out before walking out the door.  

 It took about a minute before the girls began chatting with everyone around them. They were all brainstorming on different ways they could make a good first impression. A girl a couple rows in front of her was explaining that she thought she could do a couple of backflips once out of the limo, she would just need to practice doing them in heels. Marinette thought that was a super cool idea and moved onto the next conversation. Everyone seemed to have an idea, no matter how out there it seemed.

 “Tikki, what do you think—”

 Before she could finish her sentence, the girl sitting directly next to Marinette, who was taller than Marinette by about 5 inches, had long blonde hair and a sweet smile, turned to her and caught her arm, preventing Marinette from conversing with Tikki.

 “Hi! It’s so nice to meet you! My name is Hanna and I’m from Camembert, France, you know like the cheese? My family are farmers and I am so excited to be here in the city. What’s your name? Where are you from? What do you think you’re going to do once you’re out of the limo?” She seemed to speak without taking a breath and Marinette mentally thanked Alya for her ability to understand what she had said.  

 “Umm, hi! My name is Marinette, I’m from Paris and I don’t know just yet.” She tried not to sound too distraught about not knowing what to do, but her nervous jitters were getting the best of her.

 Hanna began to ramble about all of the amazing things she’s seen of Paris and how excited she was to meet Adrien and nervous of making a good impression, and on and on. Marinette smiled at her speaking with such excitement about being able to drive past a real shopping mall. 

This girl, Hanna, seemed so innocent and cheerful and friendly and Marinette wondered how in the world she was going to fair in the competition. Especially with girls like Lila to manipulate her. In that moment, Marinette decided to befriend her and hopefully keep her out of harm’s way. Marinette stole a glance at Tikki, who gave her an approving nod and a smile.

 Hanna was currently stressing about what she was going to do tonight when Marinette interrupted her. “Hey, I’m sure everything is going to be okay! Let’s brainstorm ideas together. What do you enjoy doing? Anything we can use to make you pop?”

 Hanna talked for about 5 more minutes about all of the different things she could do, each idea worse than the last. Eventually, Marinette picked out that Hanna enjoyed singing karaoke with her family after dinner. When Marinette gently suggested that she bring a karaoke machine and sing a little to Adrien right out of the limo, Hanna jumped on the idea. She gathered Marinette in a bone-crushing hug and thanked her profusely. After letting go, she brought the idea up to Victoria, and was quickly scanning through a provided list of songs and deciding how romantic the song she sang needed to be when the first group was called.

 “Attention ladies. I need Alice, Celeste, Jeanne, Juliette, and Hanna for hair and make-up.”

 Hanna squealed and dropped her list on the ground out of excitement. Marinette quickly picked it up and passed it to her, accepting another hug from Hanna and promising to find her later today before the filming started.

 After she was off and Marinette was alone, she began brainstorming for herself. She had plenty of ideas of what she could do, each more insane than the last. At first, she thought of doing yo-yo tricks, or showing up in a red and black dress, or starting with some insane Ladybug-style tricks, but Tikki decided it was too obvious and that it wouldn’t be fair for the other girls if Adrien found out tonight, right off the bat. Thankfully Tikki had vetoed the idea, because she heard of another contestant who was doing that same thing. Apparently, it had gotten out that Adrien was a fan of Ladybug, so everyone from France (there were a couple of Swedish girls, one from Belgium, and of course, the Italian model, Lila) jumped at the opportunity to impress him using the super-heroine as a starting point.

 Soon, she was out of ideas and Marinette needed an idea that would make her stand out. She was trying not to be bitter about coming up with no ideas. She had an advantage over the others, and yet she couldn’t think of anything that would be good enough for her to do. What did she know that her Kitty loved that could blow him out of the water without fully giving away her identity?

 She was feeling helpless and stupid and annoyed when she overheard a conversation from some other contestants, one of whom was also having trouble coming up with something creative.

 “Just use your personality! If everyone else is doing something crazy as soon as they see him, be the one normal girl he talks to.”

 Marinette jerked her head up. Personality. She knew all about Adrien’s personality, or really, the personality he displayed as Chat. He claimed that Chat was his true personality, not the stuffy one his father made him have in his presence. Suddenly, she was so overcome with an idea, she was surprised it took her so long to think of it. It was brilliant and memorable and exactly something that her Kitty would love to hear tonight. A deep smile spread across her face as she ran to line up in front of Victoria, who was getting ready to call the next group. She wasn’t exactly going to be her normal, Ladybug self, but she was going to knock Adrien off of his feet.

 ----------------------------------------------------

Forty-five minutes later and Marinette’s group, the last one, was being called. She was rushed to a stylist chair where people began to swarm around her, grabbing her hair or moving her face in different directions. By the time they stepped away, Marinette almost didn’t recognize herself in the mirror. Her hair was loose and styled with soft curls with an intricate braid that hid her bangs. Her make-up was well-done and highlighted all of the important features.

She was then moved to a changing room that she shared with the other girls in her style group. Once she found the dress rack with her name on it, she began flipping through, looking for the perfect color and style dress. She finally found one that wouldn’t bring attention to her small chest but would make her curves stand out. And it was the exact color of her eyes, which would make them pop.

 Soon she was sitting at a table with all of the other girls, who looked just as beautiful as she did, and chattering with Hanna about tonight. Once all of Marinette’s group sat down, they were called to attention and given the piece of paper for them to sign stating that they had heard and agree to follow the rules of the House. They also had to put when they were expecting their next period, which startled Marinette. Thankfully, she wasn’t the only one, but she did as she was asked.

They were then given the opportunity to eat and after about 30 minutes, Victoria was calling the girls and putting them in the order that they would appear before Adrien. They would ride to the mansion in groups, then wait their turns as the limo brought each girl individually to see Adrien. The girls who had non-limo entrances (one girl was riding in on a horse) would be instructed when it would be their turn to walk (or ride) in. Otherwise, the limo drivers were in charge of the timing.

Marinette, who was stationed towards the middle, right behind Hanna and in front of a girl named Lucie, was excited and yet nervous. Tikki had to hide in her bra since no bags were allowed in the mansion the first day. Although it was kind of awkward for both of them, Marinette was happy to have Tikki so close, as it would be easier to talk to her as the night went along. And she had a feeling they would have lots to talk about.

 Soon the first set of girls were being put in their limo and driven to the mansion. In about an hour, Marinette would be face-to-face with the man of her dreams.

 ----------------------------------------------------

Adrien suddenly couldn’t breath and his hands were all sweaty as his limo was driven to the mansion where the girls he was going to date would be living. Mini-Natalie was in the car with him and was instructing him what would happen as they drove up.

“You will get out of the car and will be recorded. So please be aware of what you say and how you react. Chris will meet you and will chat with you about tonight, and then the first girl will appear. Chris will tell you when. Follow his lead, he knows what he is doing.”

Chris Harrison was the host for the American version and Adrien had met him a couple of times. He seemed like a nice guy, but it was weird that all this man did for a living was watch people date each other and make occasional comments. They had Alec, the normal reality show host for most of Paris’s entertainment, shadowing him, but they wanted the first season to have an experienced host so it was more of a smooth time filming. Adrien was just grateful to have someone who understood the show well enough to help guide him through this rollercoaster.

The limo pulled to a stop and Mini-Natalie, shooed him out. He stepped out and was greeted by really bright lights in front of this gorgeous mansion. It had to be at least 3 floors and had a jaw-dropping look to it. No wonder they picked this to be the location for the show.

 “Evening Adrien,” Chris greeted him at the place where the concrete turned from driveway to sidewalk. Adrien could see a camera filming him as he walked to shake Chris’ hand. “How are you feeling?”

 “I’m a little excited and nervous,” Adrien responded.

“That’s completely normal. Tonight’s going to be a lot. You’re going to meet a lot of girls. Do you believe you’ll be able to find the one through this journey?”

 “Honestly Chris I do. I’m excited to see what tonight brings and hopefully I can make a good first impression.”

 Chris laughed at that, “I believe that’s what the girls will be hoping too.” He stuck his hand out for another handshake and Adrien took it as Chris said, “Good luck tonight, the first limo is coming around the corner.”

“Thank you.” Adrien looked toward the end of the driveway and did indeed see a limo poking out.

The cameras were switched off and Mini-Natalie, who had exited the limo after the cameras had followed Adrien, began positioning him on the sidewalk. Once he was set and Mini-Natalie walked away to make sure he looked good in the cameras, Adrien took a moment to be excited. He was going to meet his lady tonight, even if he didn’t know which one she was going to be.

Once it had been decided that Adrien looked good, they motioned the first limo to approach the house. Plagg, who had been asleep in Adrien’s pocket, woke up from his nap, claiming that he didn’t want to miss anything that the girls did or said tonight. Adrien rolled his eyes at that.

“Well if you’re going to be awake then know, no comments, no matter what the girls say or do, you don’t get to say a word. We’ll have time for your commentary later,” At that, Plagg opened his mouth to protest, but was cut-off when the first limo came to a stop in front of the house and the door clicked open.

~~~

This chapter is soooo long, so sorry for the wait I was dealing with personal stuff do to the virus 

Let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list 

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[astraphobe]

[ LAWRENCE “LARS” MALKIN. 40. CISMALE. HE/HIM ] is here! They’ve lived in Silver Lake for [ 20 YEARS ] and are originally from [ OREGON ]. They are a [ MECHANIC ] and in their downtime love [ PLAYING HIS ELECTRIC GUITAR ] and [ WRITING MUSIC ]. They look a lot like [ CHRIS PRATT ] and live [ IN OASIS APTS ]. (ooc: otto, 19, he/him, cst)

hello !! i’m otto and this is my first muse here. he’s garbage but, like, good garbage ?? compost ?? idk. anyway. i hope you guys like your man-children middle aged and with two kids because if you expected anything else you’re gonna be dissapointed.

BASICS.

Name:  Lawrence Malkin. Nickname: Everyone calls him Lars, but his mom and dad used to call him Larry. He hated it. Gender: Cis-male. Sexuality: Gay (homosexual, homoromantic). Race: Caucasian. Age: 40 ( 01/10/1980 ). Zodiac: Capricorn. Hometown: Grants Pass, Oregon. Current residence: Oasis Apartments. Career: Mechanic.

Astra inclinant, sed non obligant !

this is the background bit. i didn’t want it to be long but it ended up being long, so if you don’t wanna read it you don’t have to. i did spend a lot of time on it, though. hopefully it isn’t shit. enjoy ( but only if you want ) !

world, meet lars. lars, meet world. he’s ... going through it right now. not a lot of things have gone right for him.

he’s the youngest of five in a strictly evangelical household. everything was about rules and if he didn’t abide by them, he’d be punished. he remembers getting hit with switches and belts and wires. he’d be locked in prayer closets and forced to confess his sinful thoughts. he recited every word of scripture, was slain in the spirit, proselytized to all of his friends, and he got nothing but fear and anger out of it --- it was all very ... carrie, but without the promises of superpowers.

when he started going to a secular public high school his entire viewpoint shifted. he made friends who snuck him into rated r movies to watch him squirm at things he’d never heard of before. he started smoking cigarettes, smoking grass, failing classes, and playing sinner’s music on his guitar. strict parents make sneaky kids, he used to be able to all of this in his church clothes.

after high school lars stopped talking to the rest of his family. he rented an apartment with his friends for a two year stint at community college ( he was an automotive specialist major ) and started a band with them in silver lake once he graduated. he never really wanted to talk about girls or stare at nudie magazines like the rest of them, no. he just wanted to make music. until he met margo and his life fell apart.

he only started to date her because it felt right and she promised to take care of him. no one else has ever made the effort to take care of him --- he’d been locked in closets and hit with willow tree branches for the duration of his adolescence. he just wanted comfort.

after he met her, she was the only thing on his mind outside of his band. it wasn’t love, though, even if that was what he thought it was. everything seemed perfect. it all seemed like a normal he could get used to. until she got pregnant and they weren’t ready. she was 24, he was 25, they were both fucked. this was the beginning of the end of them.

click ... click ... click ... boom ! shotgun wedding. as soon as he signed that paper he felt that straight man ball and chain around his ankle. he felt regret, he felt guilty, and, at first, an eighteen year weight stacked atop his shoulders. what more could he do other than ... grin and bear it.

he stopped talking to his friends, who were all busy having fun and playing music and doing everything he wanted to do and more. separating himself from the men he loved most, even if he didn’t want to say it, made him bitter. he stopped doing gigs to make more mechanic money. after the birth of his first daughter, yael, his life was boring and monotonous. five years down the line, margo threw out her birth control pills without letting him know. this was how his second kid, ruth, was brought into the world. it was also the straw that broke the camel's back.

the divorce was long and messy --- he’s glad his kids don’t really remember it too much. margo and lars ended up splitting custody with yael but because of the bullshit that came with ruth, she’s all his. he started meeting up with his friends for gigs again, rediscovering his passion for music. and also drugs. he’s reclaiming the youth he lost when he started dating margo, even though it’s a little weird. he’s happy but he’s not fulfilled, and his kids could see that, too.

the process ruined him financially, enough for the bank to foreclose his home only a few months after the split. he filed for bankruptcy, destroyed his credit score, and moved into a seedy two bedroom apartment ( which isn’t cheap in the city of angels ) that managed to be just a few blocks down from where one of his old friend lived. he came out while lars was married and he didn’t know until he saw the flag hanging in the window. he was curious about it, but we all know what that did to the cat.

lars doesn’t want to be gay, but everything he does makes him feel like he is. the way he talks, the way he sits, the way he cries while watching the notebook --- he knows these are all stereotypes now, but what would his younger self think ?? two kids, no money, AND he’s queer ?? he wants to push this all down, and he does, but he knows that it won’t do him any good either. he knows that everything will all implode, but that day isn’t today, and with any luck, it won’t be tomorrow. he’ll sit in his idea of normalcy until he can’t anymore.

Per angusta ad augusta !

bulletpoints and headcanons, baby !

lars loves his kids. like, a lot. when he was with margo he regretted them entirely but he doesn’t feel that way anymore. he wants what’s best for him, and he wants to give them everything his parents couldn’t give him. namely: love. he doesn’t want more kids, though. he’s saving up for a vasectomy.

he’s not a perfect parent, though. i wouldn’t even call him a great one because of how often he has to be away from them and how much he drinks his feelings. at least once a year he’ll go on a bender and he’ll have to pay a babysitter more than he can afford because of how long he’d be out for. now that his kids are old enough to pick up on these things, they’re becoming more and more concerned with his behavior. he can tell, it’s just another thing he’s trying to avoid bringing up. it’s just another thing that pushes him back to drink.

speaking of his kids. i love them. i love them just as much as i love lars. yael is fifteen and she’s a mini version of her father. when lars has the time, he teaches her to play the guitar on his old acoustic. she manages to make a’s and b’s and he could never be prouder, especially because he barely graduated high school himself. ruth, on the other hand, is an enigma and he doesn’t really understand her but he tries her best. she says a lot of things that ten year olds probably shouldn’t say, but he lets it slide because it’s funny. he’s had to raise her mostly by himself which has been a gigantic struggle for him, but it’s proving to be successful thus far. she really wants to be a teenager and she emulates teenagers to the best of her ability, but it’s what a ten year old thinks a teenager should act like, so it’s far from accurate. loves cleaning her room, though. it’s the most pristine part of their house and he has no clue why.

margo was jewish, so both of his kids are being raised jewish. he doesn’t really believe any of it himself, but his kids seem pretty happy. yael had a bat mitzvah and ruth is coming up on hers, but he has no idea how that’s going to work out because margo did 99% of the planning for yael and he doesn’t know how any of that shit works. ruth also decided that she wants to eat kosher now. she’s been like this for, like, a year and lars thought it would be a phase but at this point she’s in it for the long haul and there’s a pretty good chance she’s not going back on it.

when it comes to his sexuality ,,,, he has a lot of feelings. he acknowledges that being gay is a possibility but he’s definitely never thought enough about it to make a decision. at the same time, he’s hyper aware of anything that might make him seem gay so he dresses like a slightly grunge dad redneck and makes sure to never cross his legs when he sits down. despite all of this. he has had sex with men before. especially after margo. he fucked his gay friend, too. he doesn’t think they count because he was desperate. they count. don’t tell him.

he has five different guitars. the bulk of them sit in his closet, but he has names for all of them. they were his babies before his real babies. his first two were dr. jekyll and mr. hyde, an acoustic and an electric that took about six paychecks for him to finally buy. yael plays on dr. jekyll and he’s spent a lot of time thinking about how he wants to make it a family heirloom if she doesn’t smash it first. he got a white strat in college that he named angel because of how gorgeous she sounds. i'm gonna stop here because this bullet would be so fuckin long if i didn’t. i like guitars. he likes guitars. maybe i’m projecting. who knows ! not me.

it’s easy to assume that his band never really went anywhere. cause it didn’t. they play heavy, heavy, heavy rock and that’s incredibly out of the mainstream right now. their band, shit and sugar, did get a little bit of recognition in the local underground scene during the early 2000s. now they’re just older dudes that play in diy venues and bars sometimes. lars is pretty sure he’s been called a geezer a few times by teens yael’s age.

despite never really getting off of the ground in the music industry, he’s very good at what he does. there’s not a lot left for him to learn in terms of technique and his style of playing is very uniquely his. big inspirations for him include the likes of rivers cuomo, jimi hendrix, kirk hammett, and dimebag darrell.

all in all, he’s an extroverted ball of energy most of the time. he’s got a lot of ideas and he’s very goal oriented, even if he doesn’t end up achieving them. not the smartest tool in the shed, either. he’s childlike and playful in the best way possible. again, most of the time. this ends up biting him in the ass a lot. especially because of how impulsive he is.

Ars longa, vita brevis !

wanted connections ! i’m definitely going to put one or two up on the main but here are a few that i think would work nicely.

people he met through music ---- even though people don’t know about shit and sugar you’d definitely recognize him if your character frequents local bars and DIY venues in sketchy basements. from friends to enemies, i think this one has a lot of breathing room for ~ creativity ~ and all that.

neighbors ---- he’s a guitarist. it’s a loud hobby. he’s nice to everyone in the complex, but god, that’s gotta get annoying.

men he fucked that “don’t count” ---- some of these could’ve ended seamlessly. maybe they get beers now. maybe your character hates him. maybe your character pities him for being in so much denial about his own sexuality. maybe your character is trying to help him. this connection has, like, no limit and all of the plots can be different and unique i’m so excited for it. he’s a bottom, if anyone was curious.

unlikely pals ---- this character is probably the exact opposite of a fuckup. god knows why they even associate with lars. but they do, and they want the best for him. hey !! maybe lars can break them out of their shell a bit.

potential romance ??? owo ??? ---- i really want this to happen because i want lars to eventually come to terms with his sexuality. all he wants is mutual love and good sex. safety, stability, all that good stuff. shouldn’t come without hardship, though. if you have a good idea make sure to make it angsty because i live off of that shit.

someone he doesn’t like ---- i thought of this one because it’s incredibly hard for lars to not like someone. he finds amazing qualities in most people, but he’s prone to holding grudges. i want a character who he just can’t see any good in filling this connection. how fun would that be, right ??

a jewish friend that helps him out with his jewish kids ---- i’m the knowledgeable jewish friend in 99.9% of my friend groups. most people don’t have a knowledgeable jewish friend out of necessity, but he definitely needs one because he doesn’t know shit about some of the things his kids talk about. i swear, ruth mentioned how eggs are pareve and he short circuited please help this poor dude out.

ok that’s. that’s it. i’m done running my mouth on main, but if you wanna plot or just hear me run my mouth about dumb and unimportant shit hit me up here or on discord ( deus ex machina #2294 ) !!! i’m more active on discord because i don’t have this acc always up on my phone. i’m so excited to write with you all !!!!

[astrochiron]

the signs :: blond(e) // frank ocean

Aries- Solo (Reprise)

“After 20 years in, I'm so naïve I was under the impression

That everyone wrote they own verses

It's comin' back different and, yeah, that shit hurts me [...}

Was I working just way too hard?”

This is definitely a question any Aries has asked themselves before. They tend to work for work’s sake and often don't take the time to cherish in their accomplishments and, like Andre is referring to, they often don't pay attention to their peers when doing their own thing.

“So low that I am no rookie but feel like a kid

Lookin' at the other kids”

Aries, while independent and fiery, is still the first sign of the zodiac. The rookie, the novice, and kid can all be associated with his sign. Andre is equating himself to a beginner because he’s not certain if the music work works the way he thought it did when he first started.

Overall

The song represents the independence of Aries, even as simply as the name of the song being “Solo”. Andre’s personal offense to the way the rap game has changed exhibits an Aries’ stubbornness, not usually talked about; Aries aren't noted for their evolutions. The song also reflects on his hard work.

Taurus- Futura Free

“I'd say long as I could fuck three times a day

And not skip a meal, I'm good”

Must I explain? Why not: Tauruses love food, sex, and money; things that bring physical pleasure. Frank wants these daily and on a good schedule.

“I ain't on your schedule

I ain't on no schedule

I ain't had me a job since 2009

I ain't on no sales floor”

Taurus is known for doing things on their own time and with their own energy. Frank is asserting his financial independence as well as his freedom to do what the wants, when he wants, how he wants; and still make money: a Taurean dream.

Overall

Frank can now use his natural talent to financially support himself. Taurus rules our natural gifts as well as our finances and it just so happens that Frank’s former supports his latter. As for tone, he begins to cuss a lot about midway in the song, obviously venting his frustrations with people’s attitudes toward his success.

Gemini- Skyline To

“It begins to blur, we get older (Blur!)

Summer's not as long as it used to be

Everyday counts like crazy (Smoke, haze)”

Gemini is associated with youth and the flightiness of its ruling planet, Mercury. This verse captures that youth and the carefree spirit of a Gemini, as well as the changeable spirit of Mercury.

“This is joy, this is summer

Keep alive, stay alive”

This line captures the dichotomy of summer in Frank’s world; fun and deadly. While kids are off of school and the vibe is more laid back, the summer leads to spikes in deaths, especially in the urban Black community. Gemini can understand and embody both the dire and joyous sides to this topic, as well as most topics.

Overall

This song seems to be an exercise in steam of consciousness. It can be interpreted as the mental happenings during sex: observations about their surroundings, scatterbrained feelings and disconnected ideas. Frank is known for this but this song is heavy on wordplay, a Gemini's wet dream.

Cancer- Ivy

“When we both know that deep down

The feeling still deep down is good”

This represents the memory-based experience of a Cancer. They tend to experience their memories vividly and may live in them sometimes. Even if the relationship went bad, Frank still take solace in the feelings the memories give him.

“If I could see through walls, I could see you're faking

If you could see my thoughts, you would see our faces”

Cancers are very perceptive and, as such are able to see through he emotional barriers people place around themselves. Frank was saying if he cared to look through the other guy’s walls it’d be obvious that he was faking the love he felt. If the other guy cared to look behind his walls, he would have seen just how much he liked the other guy.

Overall

This is a very reflective, memory-oriented song. It’s bad reflection though, like things he should have done better in the relationship. All the Cancers I know love to stew in the memories of their past mistakes and brood. I believe Ivy is Frank’s song to stew to.

Leo- Godspeed

“I will always love you how I do”

Leos have very big hearts and the sign is even associated with the heart. Their love is powerful and maybe even eternal. It also demonstrates the individuality of a Leo’s expression. Frank will always love the subject, just in his own way. 

“I let go of my claim on you

It's a free world”

While Leos are often looked at as fun, joyous, and creative, it is often forgotten that they are one of the more possessive and intense signs. Frank once held a claim on this person, whether verbal or emotional, that he is now letting go.

Overall

Leos love to love. Leo rules the fifth house which includes falling in love and I think Godspeed demonstrates the most innocent (Leo) love; the unconditional variety. The song itself (see Genius) is Frank talking to himself as a child and Leo rules our own inner-child.

Virgo- Pink + White 

“Glory from above

Regard, my dear

It's all downhill from here”

This reflects the rather cynical view Virgos have. In his mind, the relationship has reached perfection, an important ideal for Virgos, and, as such, its only downhill from here.

“That's the way every day goes

Every time we've no control”

Another tenet for Virgos; constant and tenuous work. Virgos often may feel as if they are slaves to their sense of duty, playing the same routine daily.

Overall

Beyoncé provided backing vocals and Michael Jackson was mentioned; both of them prolific Virgo artists. The song also gives me “pure” vibes with Beyoncé’s vocals

Libra- Close to You

“I'll be honest, I wasn't devastated

But you could've held my hands through this, baby”

While Libra’s are associated with relationships, they truly just enjoy reciprocity and for someone to return their energy. For Frank, the break up didn't devastate him, as Libras are actually usually nonplussed. Frank probably did feel a little sad though, and was disappointed that the other person didn't seem to care at all.

“Just like mine, versions of these belong to you

After a while, they're keeping me close to you”

Much like Cancer, I find Libras sometimes let their memories of someone overtake the things that actually happened. Either way, their memories are all they have now and they are the only people who have them; very one-on-one and personal.

Overall

The song reflects on a relationship once it's over. It explores how the perceptions of the lover are brought up as subjective memories that you hold onto post-break up; Libras are big on perceptions. The whole song is a cover of a very love-oriented song “Close to You” by Stevie Wonder (A Taurus with a Libra Ascendant).

Scorpio- Nights

“Although you got beaucoup family

You don't even got nobody being honest with you

[...]

I don't trust 'em anyways

You can't break the law with them”

These lines suggest a deep level of mistrust, even amongst family and close friends. No on his being honest with the person in question and honesty (especially self-honesty) is a very important tenet for Scorpios.

“Did you call me from a séance?

You are from my past life

Hope you're doing well bruh”

Pluto rules Scorpio and both are associated with death. Though Frank is talking about someone being “dead to him”, it still evokes the same finality. Scorpios are very cut-and-dry when it comes to relationships, especially if someone has proven untrustworthy or non-loyal.

Overall

The vibe of the song reminded me of meeting a Scorpio. It starts off as a rap song with a wall up and with a point to make, but then turns into a vulnerable slow r&b track. This exhibits the evolution A Scorpio is known for.

Sagittarius- Solo

“We too loud in public, them police turned down the function

Now we outside and the timing's perfect

Forgot to tell you, gotta tell you how much I vibe with you

And we don't gotta be solo”

This whole mini-stanza makes me picture a Sagittarius and his potential love interest leaving a club at 3 am, likely high on some upper, and he’s spouting a whole bunch of romantic shit he doesn't mean and is talking loud and optimistically because he’s drunk. I clearly see this.

“It's hell on Earth and the city's on fire

Inhale, in hell there's heaven”

Though typically associated with Pisces, escapism is a scourge that plagues Sagittarius too. where Pisces may use drugs to mask pain and numb sensitivity, Sag uses drugs to escape reality when their optimistic views don't match the world around them. When you inhale, even in hell, you'll find heaven.

Overall

This song is big on loneliness just like “Solo (Reprise)”. In my opinion, Sag is the loneliest sign. Theres independent Aries and above-all Capricorn, but Sag is the lone thinker and the solo philosopher; their own ideas and problems keeping them company as the world shifts around them. Frank goes on a trip to his lover's city and is metaphorically and literally escaping being “solo” in number as well as "so low" in emotion.

Capricorn- Nikes

“These bitches want Nikes

They looking for a check

Tell 'em it ain’t likely”

Yes, Capricorns are money oriented, but that's not what I'm referring to here. Capricorn is the father of the zodiac ands s such, it places a certain level of responsibility on herself, allowing others to dot he same too. These people (likely groupies) are looking for Frank to buy them real Nikes and other lavish things but he isn't their father; it’s not looking likely. 

“We'll let you guys prophesy

We gon' see the future first”

The future is the most important thing to a Capricorn. Frank is saying that he’s gonna let the people around him hem and haw about the future while he is going to grab it by the horns and make his own. Caps really like control and really like being in the know so Frank would prefer to make the future instead of prophesying about how it may be.

Overall

This track concerns searching for fame and money without finding worth and meaning in it. The groupies, worries, and expectations are trying to bring you down. He also talks about how he is in control of his own music and destiny.

Aquarius- Self Control

“I came to visit, 'cause you see me like a UFO

That's like never, 'cause I made you use your self-control”

UFOs are definitely Aquarian territory. That aside, this line shows that the two of them were slowly falling apart. There seems to be a level of isolation in the relationship as well as a disconnection. Aquarians are quite literally living in their own world and, if you've not been granted access, you can't expect to form or nurture any connections. 

“Sometimes you'll miss it

And the sound will make you cry

And some nights you're dancing

With tears in your eyes”

This bridge reminds me of the emotional constraint that Aquarians place on themselves. Something as general as a familiar sound can make them cry because the wound of the relationship was never healed. Other times, you’re going to be fighting the sadness so hard, that even when you’re having fun, you can't get away from your actual feelings.

Overall

He wrote this song about a relationship where he and his partner were in different places in their lives. “It was mutual, it was just we couldn’t really relate. We weren’t really on the same wavelength," Frank said. Aquarians are rarely on the same wavelength as their peers and this is often the case of friction in their relationships.

Pisces- Seigfried

“Dreaming a thought that could dream about a thought That could think of the dreamer that thought That could think of dreaming and getting a glimmer of God I be dreaming of dreaming a thought That could dream about a thought That could think of dreaming a dream Where I cannot, where I cannot”

Let me know if I need to explain this at all because... wow.

“(In the dark)

I'd do anything for you

(In the dark)

I'd do anything for you”

This part of the song is repeated like a mantra and it exhibits the propensity of Pisces to give their all to those they care about. The “in the dark” line exemplifies the hidden and secret aspect of Pisces. When you have a Pisces in your corner, thy will literally do whatever for you and they’d prefer you give them no recognition. In fact, they may do little nice things fro you in secret, preferring to be a quiet benefactor.

Overall

This is another break-up song and Pisces is associated with the end of things. Additionally, nirvana (the state of hyper consciousness and spiritual connection with the Universe) is mentioned, which is Piscean. The whole vibe of the song Is dream like and, as mentioned above, many of the lyrics are associated with dreams, being asleep, and connections with God.

check your moon sign (for the song that makes you comfortable and puts you in your emotions), sun sign (the song that makes you happy and the one you ride around to) and venus sign (the one that speaks to your inner artist). the whole album is a no-skip™ for me. treat yo self.