#<333 thank you for all your support over the past few years

[ryxiez]

Rekindled Flame.ೃ࿐

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

genera ➛ angst -> fluff

paring ➛ idol!keeho x reader

word count ➛ 2.1k

warnings ➛ drinking {y/n is of age}, misunderstandings, both y/n and keeho are very mature, talk of both high school and college, possible smut in part 2.

A/N: i wanna write more for p1h especially after seeing their amazing concert! pls leave suggestions <333

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

It has been 10 years since you last saw his face. For 10 whole years, you have been left wondering if you could have been anything more.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. You've seen his face on your FYP from time to time while scrolling through your favorite social media apps. Its like your phone loved to torture you.

However, you couldn't bear to stare for longer than a minute. You couldn't let those feelings you once shared come back.

Keeho left you. He left you with nothing more than a letter in the mail.

Dear Y/N,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’ve been struggling to find the right words, but I know it’s time to be honest about what’s been weighing on my heart.

You’ve been my rock, my confidante, and my best friend. The time we’ve spent together has been nothing short of incredible, filled with memories that I will cherish forever. But as much as it pains me to say this, I have to be truthful about the future.

You know a bit about how much I’ve always dreamed of pursuing a job in the music industry, and now that opportunity has finally come. Moving to Korea is a chance to follow my dreams, connect with my past, and grow in ways I’ve always hoped for. It’s an opportunity I can’t pass up, but it’s also one that takes me far away from you.

This decision hasn’t been easy. I’ve spent countless nights thinking about us and what this move means for our relationship. The distance, the time apart—it’s something I’m not sure we can overcome without causing each other more pain and heartache. We both deserve to be happy and to fully embrace our futures, even if that means being apart.

You have been such a significant part of my life, and I will always be grateful for the love and support you’ve given me. I hope you understand that this decision is not about us lacking love or commitment, but about me needing to take this step for myself.

I believe that both of us deserve the chance to pursue our dreams and live our lives to the fullest. I hope that, in time, you can see this as a new beginning for both of us rather than an end.

I wish you all the happiness and success in the world. You are an amazing person, and I know you will go on to do incredible things. Thank you for everything you’ve brought into my life and for the memories we’ve made together.

Please take care of yourself, and remember that you will always have a special place in my heart.

With all my love,

Stephen

The words were still burned in your memory; you read the letter for weeks on end. You tried to contact him in every way possible, but your messages never seemed to be delivered, let alone even read.

That was until you realized you spent your entire summer before college sulking over a man who left you on a whim, the same man who you thought was going to be your high school sweetheart for the rest of eternity. You knew you shouldn't have let your hopes for the relationship develop as far as they did.

From then on, you decided to grow up and leave men—more like boys—in the past. You focused on your studies, climbed higher and higher in your line of work, and created a stable life for yourself and, of course, your pets.

However, it all seemed to feel like it was all crumbling down when you got a message from a very old group chat after you sat down to watch your favorite show.

"Class of ----, 10 year reunion!"

Of course, the thought of him was the first to come to mind.

Oh, how you wish you had outgrown the teenage heartbreak. It seems only a few things ever change.

There were plenty of random numbers in the chat, but in the back of your mind, you hoped that one of them might be his.

Days passed, and time drew closer to the large reunion. The world had seemed to slow down as your mind was clouded with too many conflicting emotions to even count.

You didn't know what to wear. You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do because, god forbid, Keeho actually showed up to this event. For all you knew, he was still in Korea, living out his idol dreams. It left a bitter taste in your mouth.

As the night on the fated day rolled around, you made your way to the bar your former classmates rented out for the night. Let's just say you guys raised a lot of money back then.

Your dress was black and fitted. It had off the shoulder straps with a slit on the right side showing off your admirable figure (you all are beautiful <3).

Squeals filled the large open area as you walked through the door. Old faces surrounded you as you all shared laughs and smiles together.

On the other hand, you noticed your own eyes straying from those of your old friends. You were searching for somebody.

A small sigh left your lips when you didn't see his face. Was it disappointment? Was it relief? You didn't even know yourself. What you did know was that you needed some drinks while catching up with the girls.

The night went on; it was almost, if not past midnight. You shared laughs, smiles, and even tears while listening to everyone and their stories. Oh, how you would love it if your life were ever that interesting.

That's when you heard someone behind you.

"Y/N?" it said.

You froze in place.

You recognized the voice. Maybe it was just your imagination. Maybe if you ignore it, it will go away.

So you continued to listen to the girls talk, but you soon realized they all stopped to stare at whatever was behind you.

"Y/N, please."

You stood straight up, gathering your belongings while getting ready to walk right out the door. You weren't ready for this. Not yet. But how many more years did you need?

A firm hand grabbed your arm and stopped you from walking any further. You froze yet again, and the hand slowly turned you around.

You were now face-to-face with nobody other than the man himself, Keeho.

His hair was a deep black, just as you always remembered it. His outfit was all black, coincidentally matching your own. A pair of glasses rested on his nose, complimenting his features nicely. But his eyes? They looked concerned.

You could've sworn you noticed a little blush appear on his face after he noticed you checking him out up and down.

You felt like melting into a puddle on the floor right then and there, but not because of the butterflies in your stomach, but because of embarrassment.

"Please, let's just talk." He pleaded yet again.

You were not having any of it. You could feel the anger bubble up inside of you, but you did not want to do anything you would regret, at least not yet. The alcohol in your body may make you think differently later.

"Talk about what, Keeho?" You made sure the venom leaked from your teeth when you spoke his name.

He flinched. "About us, Y/N. I've missed you so much."

"There is no US," you spat before thinking, "We haven't been together for 10 years, and this is how you say hello?"

Keeho's eyes widened. "Wha-what do you mean?" he stuttered in disbelief.

You couldn't help but laugh. There is no way this man is standing here acting like the victim in this situation.

"Why are you laughing?!" He cried out despritley. Everyone in the whole bar was easily staring at you both now.

You're not a monster. You could see the hurt and betrayal in his eyes. You knew something wasn't right, and you knew you needed to listen to him talk.

"Okay, I'm sorry," you said in a hushed voice, trying to calm the man down in front of you with a deep breath of your own. "Let's talk, but not here; come on." You grabbed his sleeve, pulling him out of the bar.

You didn't bear your farewells. That was the least important thing on your mind in this moment. You were focused on getting the truth. What exactly did Keeho mean?

Rain came down suddenly as a flash of light flew through the sky.

'Just great,' you thought.

"Y/N..." Keeho whispered from behind.

You stopped tugging on this jacket to turn around. Unexpectedly, you were met with sad and pleading eyes. Ones that threatened to spill with tears as the rain rolled down his face—his goddamn pretty face.

"Kee..' the nickname slid off your tongue just like it did many years ago. 'I promise to listen, and I'm sorry I was irrational. Let's get back to my place and we can talk, okay?"

All he could do was nod before taking your hand in his and taking you to his car. He knew you were too tipsy to drive safely yourself, but you couldn't help the faint blush that appeared on your face at the contact.

The car ride was silent. His eyes seemed lazzer focused on the road while you couldn't help but steal glances his way every other second.

You mumbled a few directions to your house. Your head was pounding, whether from the few drinks or the fact that so much had happened all at once.

The last thing you expected was to be in Keeho's car while he drove you back to your place. But wasn't this what you wished for deep down?

The breaks slightly screeched to a stop as he pulled into your driveway.

"Wait," he said before jumping out of the car to open the door for you.

He grabbed your hand as he helped you out of the low car.

"Still a gentleman, I see."

He chuckled a little. but his mind still seemed to be elsewhere.

As you unlocked the door and let both of you in, he immediately led you to the couch. Sitting you down, Keeho then ventured to go find you a glass of water.

Handing you the cup, he spoke, "Y/N, where have you been?" He paused. You were taken aback. "I've tried contacting you a countless number of times, and all I've gotten was radio silence. I didn't even expect you to still be in our old town."

You took his words in, and they hit you hard. However, you knew you had to be mature about the situation and talk out whatever misunderstanding you had.

"Keeho, I haven't heard a thing from you since the day you randomly up and left." You spoke after taking a sip from the glass of water. You tried to gather your thoughts to the best of your ability.

"I know it was sudden, and I still regret leaving so quickly. I just don't understand how you've heard nothing from me this whole time." He paused to think. "I've tried to call, text, and even write letters; I swear Y/N. I just don't understa-" He cut himself off.

You could tell something clicked inside his mind once his hands clutched together and his eyes became glossy.

"What is it, Kee? I don't understand this whole thing either." You said softly as you reached out to hold his tense hands.

"I-I don't know for certain... I think my company is behind all of this. It explains why they had me get a brand new phone and phone number. They also asked a lot about my romantic life and your basic information. Oh my god, I bet they probably blocked your number in my phone before I even got it." He looked up from his spot on the floor as he was taking everything in himself, his eyes making contact with yours. "I am so sorry, Y/N. I-I never meant for any of this to happen I-"

"It's okay." You cut him off.

You couldn't believe what you were saying. How could this be okay? This man has left you basically broken and helpless for a decade, and in less than an hour you already forgave him.

On the other hand, you could tell he was hurting the same as you.

"No, no," He felt conflicted, "I have to make it up to you. I've missed you so much, and I hope you've missed me too. Please let me show you how much I still love you."

≫ ──── ≪•◦ to be continued ◦•≫ ──── ≪

[justanamesstuff]

Chapter 5

Seasons

Matty Healy x f!reader A/N: And one day she uploaded the fifth chapter! I'm very happy to bring you guys this new chapter I had fun writing and editing...it's full of emotions but so am I. I also want to thank you all for patience and understanding while I'm going through this difficult time of my life, i really dont know where i will be without your unconditional love and support!! Please let me know what you think and what you expect for this tangled story <333 love you lots! Warnings: ANGST, anxiety, so many feelings...fluff, cuteness, surprises, typos. Word count: 8.2 K

MASTERLIST TAGLIST

< Chapter 4

Few weeks later, LA

Matty felt the mild temperature on the air caressing his cheeks as he opened the door of his rented car at the airport. Denise and some of her friends were supposed to step out of the big doors in only minutes. Trying to be a good son, he offered himself without being asked. One because he wanted to see his mother and, two, because staying at home with Hann’s eyes following around all the time was driving the frontman insane. They had been going through a weird phase after the talk involving Matty’s feelings and problems. They were good but, at the same time, they weren’t. Just as Matty with Y/N. Why that kept happening to him? No clear answer.

While he waited, Matty walked around the rented car, his hood up and trying to wake up massaging his face harder than intended. He was trying to keep his mind at ease. He couldn’t think about his issues. Quickly, Matty’s hands reached quickly for his pack of cigarettes. 

Matty deliberated a hundred of times if asking his mom about the situation would help, even though it was complicated. He would put her in a sketchy situation, and he was against it. At the same time, he knew very well –deep down– his mother would see through his eyes with her x-ray vision and say exactly what he had to do but was avoiding. 

Matty didn’t feel ready.

He had to decide. To accept what was really going on with his feelings, say those out loud and risk a lot in the middle. Or keep the same behaviour, not only the one he maintained for the past months, for the past years. Either way, he’d continue  hurting himself.

Lies -no matter how suited they could be- at the end are lies anyway. Denying feelings you have, don’t make them disappear…you only sweep them under the carpet and wait for them to explode in your face sooner or later.

The process of accepting is painful most of the time, but isn’t more painful to believe something that is not? Isn’t it worse to maintain a relationship that deep down you knew you don’t want?

Matty was protecting his heart. He was getting himself ready for the next part…for the inevitable. 

After a couple of more minutes, the singer spotted his mother looking for him. At the same moment, his phone rang.

“’Ello?” he answered, throwing away the butt of his smoked cigarette. 

“Hi Matty, where are you?” his mother asked. He gave her the directions, as he waved his free arm in the air. The whole group approached him. “Hi, love!” Denise greeted him, embracing him on a hug.

“Hi, mom.” Matty muttered, feeling the warmth of her arms. He didn’t realize how much he had needed that hug. “How was the flight?” the singer asked politely while greeting his mother’s friends.

“It was good.” one of them responded.

“Where are the others?” Denise asked.

“At the house, I volunteered to pick you up.”

“Aw, my son.” Denise took his face between her hands. 

Matty laughed feeling the tight squeeze. “Mom, stop!” he moved away, feeling like he was a teenager all over again.

“Oh, shush!!” she protested making the rest laugh.

Shortly after, Matty and the group of women got on the car. He started driving, chatting a little with Denise’s friends and her mom. He made jokes, trying to be the nicest he could be.

“So, how’s the record going?” Denise inquired.

Matty didn’t give her much information, “Good, good.”

“You look tired.” she noticed.

“I am.”

“Are you sleeping well?”

“Mom!” Matty whined, stopping at a red light. 

“What? I want to know if my son is alright.” 

“I’m sleeping just right, okay?”

Denise scoffed. “What that even means?” her accent thickened warming Matty’s heart thinking about home. 

“Oh god, I was missing you but…now I don’t know-” Matty teased her. He felt the urge to divert the attention.

“Excuse me, boy? First, I know you missed me- “

Matty smiled wide, “I did.”

“-and secondly, you can’t get fussy. I’m angry with you.” she folded her arms, emphasizing her sayings which was answered with a frown from Matty.

“What are you on about now?” Matty asked her.

“And you dare to ask!”

“Denise…” Matty warned her.

“Y/n? Ireland?“ Matty’s mother started counting, Matty’s face dropping. “Does that ring any bells?” 

Matty scratched the back of his head. “No? I mean- Yes, she’s working over there.”

“Not that! I know that!” Denise shouted. “Well, I’ve already known that.”

Denise’s son turned for a split of a second, staring at her puzzled. “What else then?”

“She’s dating someone! Don’t fake like you don’t know…” she continued rambling, but Matty’s ears closed. His mind was foggy while he imagined Y/n and a boy with no face doing a ton of shit he couldn’t do with her. 

“Like actually dating?” Matty’s voice came out strangled. He didn’t dare to look at her mother.

Denise hide her mouth behind her right hand, gasping, “Oh, you don’t know! She’s going to kill me!”

“Mom…”

“Do you remember Tom?” she exhaled.

“Tom?”

“Tom Blyth.”

“Yes, I do. I saw him at an even, I reckon? Not sure.” Matty’s mind desperately trying to remember how this Tom looked like. 

“Well, they… I don’t know how much I can tell you. I shouldn’t say a thing.” Denise explained, worried. Y/n never told her not to tell, but still.

“Don’t worry, I knew she was dating someone.” Matty lied. Y/n told him about a boy she fancied, not this. Why didn’t she? They talked a week prior, why hide this?

“Oh, okay. I’m really happy for her.” Denise felt a wave of relief washing over her.

“Yeah, me too.” Matty said through gritted teeth.

“It’s lovely she’s dating someone! He sounds like a good lad.” Denise continued ranting, unaware of Matty’s emotions.

“Yes, it is.” Matty couldn’t say more. His heart was aching. 

“Anyway, how’s Nadia?” his mother changed the topic.

“Ah?” Matty snapped out of his daydreaming. “Oh, Nadia- She- Yeah, she is alright. I guess, she’s in Italy right now.” Matty responded. Hoping his mother didn’t ask more. Luckily she didn’t.

Matty drove the group of women to the hotel they were going to stay at. He promised to come back later for dinner, and then he continued his driving.

His mind was nowhere to be found. His heart was hurt. Matty’s body was on pilot mode, he only wanted to arrive at the house and sleep. Just forget the news.

This Tom and Y/n? This new dude and his best friend? He couldn’t picture it. He didn’t want to. Why Y/n never said his name?

Matty was sure that the last conversation they had had was a fully sincerely one. He knew they didn’t talk about many important parts but…why she didn’t tell him?

…………………………………………

Hours later

Matty woke up suddenly. He sat on his bed, trying to calm his breathing. His heart beating so fast, he could perfectly sense it and hear it in his ears. 

After dropping her mother at the hotel, he came back home to sleep for a couple of hours before leaving to set. His life was hectic right now. His mind was troubled. And now his body was showing it more than before. He had to decide sooner than later. This thing was going to drive him insane.

His mother told him a lot of information he hadn’t considered. In fact, he forgot about this guy Y/n talked about. Matty was so focused on his relationship with her. On his relationship with his girlfriend. With maintaining both alive and going. But in the end: one, he wasn’t fulfilling the task, and secondly, he was only focusing on him.

The guy, well, Tom…never was in the equation for him. He kept Y/n in a place, in his head, where she was single and no seeking for a relationship right now. Did she tell him that or he believed it? She did tell him about this guy she had a crush on…but Matty knew that Y/n never took the lead. Probably Tom made a move. 

Matty ripped the blankets from his body, irritated.

He had to be happy for Y/n. He wanted to be happy. Matty couldn’t. He was more than screwed, he realized. The singer couldn’t say it out loud, not even to himself only. But he knew why this bothered him so much.

For a while he sat on his bed, running his hands –desperately– through his curls, trying to find the answer to his sorrows. 

Nothing helpful came to mind, but his breathing settled a little. His mind kept running. 

And then he remembered his dream.

He could picture it so vividly. It wasn’t fully a dream. It was more a memory with Y/n.

The dream took place months after they became friends. That time the rest of the gang wasn’t there, just Y/n and Matty. They had this kind of tradition, like a movie night but different. Instead of films they watched series. Sitcoms in particular. One of them picked two numbers, one for the episode and another for the season.

This time they were watching the office. They loved it. And Y/n particularly loved Pam and Jim’s relationship. Every time they appeared on the screen doing something remotely cute she screamed or remarked it for Matty in case he missed it.

He couldn’t care less about the episode. He was focused on her. How beautiful she got cheering for some random characters. Matty tried to look at her without her noticing. Y/n made him feel so many things back then. 

“Omg, he’s going to propose. Matthew!!” Y/n screamed turning to look at him, and then again to the screen.

“He’s not.”

“He totally is!”

“You already know what happens!” Matty accused her, chuckling. 

“Shh, I want to pretend that I don’t know.” the singer remembered how she snuggled closer to him. “Let…” she pointed a finger on his chest. “me…” again. “be, Healy.” Y/n looked up at his brown eyes, so close and yet so far. Matty’s heart was going to explode on his chest. He stayed there, just looking at Y/n. “Stop.” she looked away after a few minutes without a real reply from him. 

“I’m not doing anything, darling.” he smiled.

“You are.”

“What am I doing?”

“Looking at me.”Y/n said, drawing patterns on his clothed chest around his heart where his tattoo was imprinted. The girl wasn’t aware of the power she had upon him.

“Well, yeah, I’m not blind.” Matty was so surprised about how well he was faking being unbothered. “What’s wrong?”

“You are looking me like that night…” he made a puzzled face. “The night we met.” Y/n clarified. 

“Ohh.” he cooed.

“So- yeah- stop.”

“What if I don’t want to?” he asked cheekily. Matty touched the redness of her cheeks gaining her attention again.

“Dunno.”

“You’re beau-” Matty couldn’t help to start saying. Y/n moved her head forward hiding her face on his shoulder.

“Shh. Don’t. Let’s continue watching.” she made herself comfortable on his left side. Using his shoulder as a pillow this time. Matty couldn’t complain. He was happy there, with her, even when the words got stacked on his throat.

Y/n was everything he wanted back then. Why did he stop trying? Yes, they were friends. That was the most important part of this mess. Although he hated himself for not trying enough, for not waiting enough, for being an idiot, to realize late all of this when she was apparently starting a relationship with someone else, and he was in a former one already.

Nadia. He kind of used Nadia. He loved her, but not in that way…or not any more as the beginning. Matty couldn’t keep with that. He was going to hurt her so much..if he wasn’t already. Why he convinced himself he was ready for a formal relationship with someone else when in fact he wanted her? 

 If he broke the relationship, both of them would get hurt. Nadia doesn’t deserve that, in fact, she deserved better than a half love. It was the best, in the way that he had to let her have a better opportunity.

Matty ran his hands through his hair anxiously for a million time. He needed to know about this Y/n and Tom thing. He had to be sure if it was a real thing. Not because it would help. It would hurt in fact, even though he had the urged to know. He couldn’t ask Y/n though. Matty was sure that George knew something. He had to ask him.

Matty walked the short distance from his room to the studio downstairs where he knew George would be. 

He opened the door without announcing his presence. 

“Everything okay, mate?” George said in a calm tone without turning, his eyes still on the board in font of his eyes. 

“Do you know Y/n is with a Tom?” Matty didn’t wait a second. 

His best friend’s body stiffened visibly. “Tom? What Tom?” G tried playing dumb, although Matty saw right through him.

“George, I’m not in the mood for this. I know you know. So fuckin’ start talking.” he stated.

“Mat-“ 

The singer cut him short, “Don’t use that stupid tone with me.” Matty pointed his finger even though George couldn’t see him. He sat down on the couch behind G set up. “Please, I need to know.” Matty almost begged. “Can you tell me what you know?”

“Mate, you know I can’t tell you- “ George turned around on his chair. 

“So, she’s…mom’s right- Fuck!” Matty said more for himself, resting his entire body on the couch. 

“What’s going on? Why is making you so anxious?” G asked, with a patience he only had for Matty.

“I- I’m not in a good place right now…everything is- I don’t even know what to say.” Matty chuckled dryly.

“What do you mean?”

“George.“ he hissed.

“C’mon…say it.”

“I’m not ready to talk about this. I can’t- “

“This has something to do about the same feelings you had a while back?”

“Yes.”

“I know.”

George let the silence linger for a second, feeling like a pause between topics. 

“And Nadia?” the drummer asked.

“I don’t know.” Matty closed his eyes, cringing.

“Matty- “ G said in a worried tone.

“I know, okay? I’m going to talk to her…”

“Okay, it’s not going to be nice- “

“Believe me, I know.”

“I think it’s the best.”

“Yes.”

“And… Matty?”

“Yeah?”

George got serious after stating clearly, “You can’t say this to Y/n.“

“I know that too.” Matty responded defeated, hitting his forehead with the palm of his hands rhythmically.

“Mate- “

“I have things to figure it out, but I’m okay.” Matty lied to G and to himself.

G knew he was far from that state, but he wasn’t to push Matty more during that moment. “Okay…” 

“I’ve to go now.” Matty exited the room as fast as he came in.

G moved his face from side to side, praying silently that none of his best friend got hurt after all. 

………………………………………………

A week later

End of March

“What else could go wrong in this story?” Hann thought on the flight from LA to New York. He had no idea what he somehow manifested to happen after that without even knowing.

The first few days were fine, but when the fifth came everything changed. Hann and Matty didn’t talk much, they were still in this particular position since they had the talk. Hann decided to leave Matty alone for a while, but keeping his eyes close in case something happened. 

Strangely, Hann was left alone in the posh studio while the rest of the guys, the producer, and people he couldn’t retain their names even five minutes after meeting went out to get food. It would be easier ordering from an app or something even though all of them needed a break. 

The line connecting the front desk with the private area they had been working in rang startling Adam out of the zone. He left his guitar to the side, running to answer the thing.

The guitarist cleared his throat before asking, “Yeah?”

“Hello, I have a woman here that says he knows you.” the woman’s voice was tinted with suspiciousness. 

“Name?” 

Adam waited for longer than expected, listening quietly while the woman at the front desk asked the other person waiting.

“Nadia Parton.” she finally gave Adam a name.

‘Shit, what was she doing there?’

The receptionist did a strange sound urging Adam to inform her what he wanted to do with Nadia.  “Do you know her?” Hann rolled his eyes at the question and her urgency when she took longer than him asking Nadia only her name.

“Yes, I do. Let her pass, please.” he was short and polite, although he didn't give her much information. 

Adam hang up begging for a moment of peace that didn’t arrive.

…………………………………………….

Matty entered the room first, agitated as well since he played a bet with George that we would get up there before them and proceed to run upstairs. The run didn’t take his breath as much as witnessing Nadia talking calmly with Hann. 

Nadia was there.

To say that Matty didn’t expect her was to highlight the obvious. Matty had been trying to push the conversation as far as he could, and she was there, three meters away from him. He believed he had more time. The universe works differently.

“Hi, baby.” she approached him excited. “Surprise!” Nadia said while hugging him. Matty didn’t know what to do really. He hugged her back and looked at his best friend. Adam moved his shoulder as a sign he knew nothing about this, he even didn’t dear to ask the girl in the half hour they shared.

“I wasn’t expecting you…” the words fell from his mouth.

Nadia took a step back still with her arms around his neck. “That was my intention. I wanted to surprise you, as you did for our anniversary.” she said sweetly. Matty felt a little bit more miserable with each word she dropped. 

“Oh, right. I forgot some special occasion?” he inquired, lost.

She gifted him a big smile. “No, silly! I was missing you so much.” Nadia said, leaving a peak on his lips. A move that made Hann much more uncomfortable, sitting there just watching the scene as in a film. The studio’s phone rang once more, and he hadn’t been happier to hear that sound in his life. 

Adam spoke with the secretary once more informing him that Jack was in his way up.  

After he hung up, Adam tried to gain his friend’s attention at the same time he heard the guys approaching the studio. 

“Matty.“ he said between his bandmate’s name and a cough, getting the attention of the couple, not only Matty’s.

The frontman looked at him for a second time in only minutes, “What?” his face expressionless. 

“Jack is coming, and I think I hear the guys in the kitchen. ” Matty looked at him as if a second hand were growing beside the one holding the phone.

“Alright?”

Adam didn’t dare to look at Nadia. It wasn't rare that friends or family stay during the record sessions, but he was aware that Matty didn’t want her there right at that moment. Hann was trying to gain time and Matty wasn’t taking the hint.

Something must’ve clicked inside the singer’s brain because he continued saying, “Ah- Yes…I mean, top secret.” Matty moved far from Nadia’s embrace one because they were blocking the door and two because he was feeling guilty receiving so much caring he couldn't reciprocate. “Nad, would you give us a time alone? We won’t be long…just Jack checking some stuff about this-”

“Yes, yes…I knew I’ll have to when I planned the surprise.” she said, walking towards him. Matty couldn’t help feeling cornered, although he let her kiss him shortly before heading out of the studio.

When she was out of sight, and they were sure she wasn’t listening, Matty dared to ask, “Did you-?”

“Tell her something? Hell, no!” Hann said.

“Alright, alright…good.” Matty said, under his breath, passing around.

Neither of them continued the conversations. Adam looked how Matty walking in circles before turning around with his eye full of certainty. 

“What?”

“I- “ Matty mumbled the words making it impossible for Adam to hear.

“Come again?”

Matty stood in the middle of the studio, opening his chest, “I’m going to break up with her.” Matty admitted and Adam doubt it.

“Right now?”

The singer chew on his upper lip, “It wasn’t in my plans she was going to- “

“Yeah, I can tell.” Hann said sarcastically.

“This is not funny!” Matty looked at him with a stern look.

“Yes, sorry. And then…?”

“I can’t focus on that now. I have to work”

“Yes, you have to.” neither of them knew if he was speaking about work or something else.

Adam grabbed the collar of his forgotten guitar, leaving his friend with his own thoughts. 

……………………………………………….

Few hours later

Nadia wasn’t an idiot. She knew from a long time up to that moment the fact that Matty was dealing with something. She was confused though. Matty kept sending her way a lot of mixed signals. One day, she was everything to him, he followed her around, being the attended boyfriend or travelling for their anniversary, even though the next day, he was cold and doesn’t seem happy to see her in NY.

She continued dismissing it, thinking it was part of being with a rock star, or ‘Matty is Matty’, or ‘the album is stressing him’; everything instead of thinking he didn’t want her any more. 

The woman was deeply in love with him, Nadia was sure of that. She was head over heels for him. But, was he? ‘Yes’. Why would he be with her if he wasn’t? Matty wasn’t that type of guy, and Matty had shown her that he loved her. Still, something was wrong. Nadia didn’t want to think about it. She was happy with him. Matty was everything she sought in a man. She could deal with this bad moment of their relationship because it would past…or she wanted to think.

After they wrapped for the day, Matty and the rest of the group returned to the hotel. Matty was drained, very tired, so he decided to wait for the next day to talk with Nadia. That’s why she stayed with him in his hotel room, and he was in peace with his thoughts for just a moment.

“Finally, alone.” she said, smiling at him.

“Yeah. I’m going to take a shower.” he said, going to his suitcase.

“Can I join you?” Nadia said cheekily.

“Nad, I’m not in the mood.” he responded, searching for his clothes.

“Oh, okay…” she said feeling slightly embarrassed. “I’m going to call room service, what do you want to eat?”

“I’m not hungry.” Matty replied without looking at her, meanwhile he stood up walking slowly towards the bathroom.

Nadia left the phone on the side table, turning her body to face her boyfriend. Before Matty closed the door behind him, she exclaimed, “Fine, what’s going on?” 

“What?” he didn’t turn around.

“Matty.“

The singer quickly got defensive, “I’m not hungry that’s all.”

“I’m not talking about the food and you know that.” she kept glancing at him. She could tell he was nervous, his back muscles were tight.

“I don’t- “

Nadia left the comfort of the mattress, standing in the middle of the room. “I know you, tell me what is going on.” with a courage she didn’t feel, Nadia approached him, placing a hand on his back and sensing Matty got stiff felt like a dagger ripping her heart.

“I’m knackered, okay? Can we not do this right now? “

“I’m tired of this, Matty. I need you to speak to me if you are going through something. We’re a couple!” she let her hand dropped to her side.

“I- “

Nadia felt desperate. “Please, tell me!”

“Okay.” he turned around. “Please, take a seat.” she obeyed, returning to her previous position.

“I wasn’t expecting you to show up- “ he started to say.

She couldn’t stay silent, her anxiety making her interrupt his rambling, “That’s everything? Me surprising you?”

“Please, let me finish.” Matty scrubbed his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t expect you to show up in fuckin’ New York, at the studio. I was waiting to fly back home and talk with you properly.” Matty continued, starting to gain power on his words. “I know my behaviour during the last months weren’t the best- In fact, they were the worst. I’m being a horrible boyfriend, and you don’t deserve this. Don’t- “ Matty stopped Nadia with a signal of his hand when she moved and before a single word fell from her lips. “Please, let me finish. I wasn’t expecting you, but when you showed I decided the best would be talking tomorrow when I’ll be more awake than now. I guess this can’t wait any longer. I know this is going to hurt you, and me too. You’ll hate me for this- “

“You’re scaring me, Matty.” Nadia said worriedly.

“I- I’m struggling a lot with myself. And I don’t think you should…you have to deal with it too.”

Nadia’s eyes stung with tears.“What are you suggesting?” 

“I think we should break up.” ‘I said it, I finally did it’, Matty thought.

“What?” she asked surprised. “If it’s because I didn’t tell you or any of the guys that I was thinking on coming- I’m so sorry.” Nadia tried explaining quickly.

“That’s not why.”

“Then what? You don’t love me?”

“I- I do love you.”

“Then?” she moved on the bed anxiously.

“I love you, but there are things I can’t tell you that I’m dealing with…and you don’t deserve this.”

“There’s someone else?” Nadia hatred herself for asking that. She sounded so cliché.

“It’s not- It’s not exactly about that- “ he said sitting on the bed, reaching for her hand.

“Then what?” she asked again, looking down.

“I can’t- “

“Don’t you trust me?” she inquired, this time crying. She wanted to seem strong, she couldn’t.

“I do. I do. This is- I can’t even think about it without going insane.” he admitted.

They stay for a moment in complete silence. Both of them were hurt. Nadia’s heart was shattered in hundreds of pieces. Matty suffered watching her in that state. Fully knowing that he caused it.

“I’m so sorry.” Matty said verily out loud.

Nadia chocked on a sob, saying, “I love you, Matty.”

“I love you too, Nad.” he reached for her cheek, while she continued crying. “Please, don’t hate me. I mean, I understand if you want to punch me or kick me in the nuts.” she chuckled. “Please know that I’m doing this because you deserve so much better.”

“I don’t know.”

“I know it. It seems like the most horrible excuse, but I mean it. You’re an incredible person, women, and you deserve someone that loves you and treat you better than I do.” Matty admitted.

“I want you…”

“I know- “ Matty sadly said.

After a while Nadia tried to dry the tears that never stopped falling. She told Matty, “I better go.” 

“You can stay till tomorrow.” He offered.

“I preferred not to.” she took out her hand from Matty’s grip. 

“I’m so sorry.” Matty apologized again, staring at her form while she moved around the bed grabbing her stuff.

“I’m too. I wish you the best, Matty.” 

“I don’t deserve it.”

Nadia titled her head, staring for a last time into his soft brown eyes, “You do. I hate you right now, and I don’t want to see you for a while.” she stated, meanwhile Matty answered with a nod. “Don’t reach for me when you are sad, well, you stop doing that a couple of months ago. I don’t understand why this happened but above all, I love you and I know you’re a good guy. You gave me a lot of beautiful moments to remember, you’re a kind soul. I know I don’t deserve this, although you have to know that I stay because you're worth the wait…and if you tell me there is a little part of you that wants me to wait I’ll probably wait. I know you don’t have that part.” she said when Matty opened his mouth to speak. “It hurts so..so much, because I know, I’m sure, that in your own way you love me, you said it too. Sadly, not as much I love you. Because I love you fully. When I love I do it that way.” Nadia stopped and dried her tears once more. “For all we shared and how much I cherish you…I wish you the best. Goodbye, Matty.” she finally said, turning around, graving her suitcase and then left the room.

When the click of the door made a loud noise in the silent room, Matty started to cry. He hurt one of the most important people in his life. Nadia was gone. Matty knew it was the best, and he also knew it was going to hurt. Not that much. He couldn’t complain though.

She didn’t shout, Nadia didn’t even raise her voice. Which, made it more difficult to deal with. Sometimes, it is easier to hate the other and shout. Not the best, or healthiest, just easier. That time was the opposite

Why does he keep hurting the people that love him deeply?

………………………………………………..

The next morning Hann found an obviously tired Matty. The guitarist wasn’t sure if he wanted to ask or not. Something clearly happened, the singer’s face showed it.

They had a free day, luckily for everybody. A couple of days ago, they decided to be the typical tourist and walk around town. Matty wasn’t in the mood for that even though it might help.

Adam knocked on Matty’s door two hours before the activity started. The frontman took his time to prepare even though he ended up showing with a simple shirt and jeans combo. Hann was expecting to encounter Nadia, but she was nowhere to be found. That gave him the first hint. He also remembers what Matty told him the day before. He wasn’t expecting his friend to be so quick about it. Although, he couldn’t assume anything. Adam didn’t want to. He was going to wait for Matty to come around and speak about it.

They stayed in silence for a good amount of time. Matty plopped himself on the bed and rest his head on his hands after opening the room’s door for his friend.

“Nadia left.” he informed Adam when the eyes of the guitarist scanned the room.

“When?”

“Last night.”

“Mhm.” Hann only dared to express. 

“We- I broke up with her.” Matty looked at his best friend, waiting for a reaction.

Adam showed nothing, “Okay.” 

“It was the correct thing…right?” he hesitated.

“I’m not going to tell you what it’s or what it isn’t right, Matty.” Adam clarified. 

“Damn it!” Matty projected himself out of the bed.

“Take it easy, mate.” the guitarist said with a calm Matty envied. 

“How? I mean, HOW? She hates me now. I’m an asshole!”

“Okay, no. Yes, you did pretty fuck up things…although you can’t beat yourself up like at. Everybody makes mistakes, you’re trying to solve them. Focus on that. It’s not nice, because you realize big things, feelings and I understand you’re hurt- “

“I can’t make myself the victim. I know.”

“No, you can’t. Although this is not a Disney film, there’s not a good guy and a bad one.”

“Yes, you’re right.” Matty let a big breath out. “What I do now? I broke up with Nadia, and Y/n is…” the singer started to tell him, and then stop.

“Y/n what?”

“Nothin’.” Matty muttered.

“Oh, no. You’re going to tell me.” the frontman was satisfied with Adam’s nervousness. 

“Don’t you know?” Matty inquired. 

“About what?”

“Y/n is in a relationship.” just saying the words hurt as if someone was ripping his heart out of his body.

“Oh, shit. Did she tell you?”

“No, mom did.”

“Your mother told you?!” 

“And then George quite of confirmed it.”

“Fuckin’ hell.”

“Yeah, exactly. I hate my life right now.”

“Don’t..”

“Let me be miserable for a minute, okay?”

“No.”

“Please.” Matty begged without caring.

“No.”

“Hann!”

“You said it…you’re not the victim. Suck it up, mate!”

Matty scoffed, “Very kind of you.”

“I’m trying to help!”

“Well, you’re not helping…at all.” Matty snapped at him. And quickly regretted it. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” the frontman took a sit on the bed once more and Adam copied him. 

“I understand.”

“Why didn’t she tell me? Or you? Instead, she told George and mom…”

“I don’t know.” Hann lied. He perfectly knew why. He wasn’t even hurt. Hann knew the reasons why Y/n tend to skip talking to him about this stuff. He couldn’t tell Matty though, it wasn’t his thing to tell.

“Should I call her?”

“What? Are you insane?” Adam exclaimed.

“Fine. Yeah, I’m not going to…” Matty hesitated even when the urge to do it was big.

“Please promise me you’ll not.” Hann begged, massaging the bridge of his nose.

“I promise.” No matter how hard it will be, Matty had to stop hurting the people he loved. The first one was Y/n. Somehow, he hurt her. He doesn’t understand why quite well, but he knew it. He can ask her about how was she doing and all of that, although if she didn’t want to tell him about Tom…he had to stay out of that.

Matty had to focus on work again and work only. When he returned home in a month or so he could think what to do. For the time being, he had to fix himself and stay out of more problems.

————————————————————————————–

On the other side of the ocean

Spring was one of her favourite seasons. Y/n loved all of it. From the flowers starting to blossom to the mild temperatures and all in the middle it was a lovely season. Or maybe this year she was looking at it with other eyes.

The woman was happy beyond the imagination. Finally, after many months she was in fact and without a doubt happy. She longed for that moment and now she had it. The positivity she irradiated was amazing. Y/n was giving so much, and the universe responded or herself in a state of pure happiness wanted to believe that.

Y/n was euphoric for all the work she had done in the previously few months with herself, how much she grew. She took a step aside from the horrible place where she was, Y/n took a place aside from being the cliché girl in love with her best friend. But it wasn’t all her merit, she had a big helper. She had a handsome helper: Tom.

Y/n never felt what she felt with Tom.

Tom was everything she ever dreamed of: he was always attentive with her, but not overwhelming her, he understood her reserves and didn’t complain; they talked about everything and nothing, every conversation was perfect. Sometimes, they fought about their strong beliefs, but they also end up kissing and hugging. Y/n was happy with Tom.

She didn’t tell Tom about Matty. Y/n didn’t see why. She wasn’t thinking about that as well. Tom and her talked by text and she was okay with that. After all, he was her friend, and she promised not to disappear. She still had affection for him of course.

Anyway, Y/n was living in a dream. Work was going well, she was kind of sad because they had only one week left of filming, and then she would be back home. This time with Tom. They talked about it fully, feeling extremely happy that both of them were in the same page about continuing dating. Tom lived closer to the centre of London, and she was only 20 minutes away by car from there. They could make it work out.

Since they were in the last week of shooting, Y/n had a lot of work in hand. They had to leave everything perfectly done, and she had pressure about helping Lily accomplish all of what was expected from her.

“Please, could you leave those papers and hung out with me?” Lily begged, sitting in her trailer’s couch.

“You know I really want that, but I can’t.” Y/n continue going through the schedule.

“Agh!” Lily scoffed. “You’re not fun any more.”

Y/n rolled her eyes at her, “We see each other every day! Don’t overreact.”

“That’s exactly why…we have only a handful of days to be together and then- “

“And then, we’ll see each other as well.” Y/n turned around, looking at her.

“You’ll be so busy with your prince charming!”

“Omg, don’t call him that!”

“Being all happy and loving each other.” Lily continued with her rant, making weird sounds that tried to emulate kissing.

“You’re impossible.” Y/n returned to her papers.

“Talking about Romeo!” Lily exclaimed. Y/n didn’t understand until she heard a voice.

“Were you talking about me? I’m flattered.” Tom looked at Y/n, approaching her and the woman couldn’t help noticing her stomach sprung to life with excitement. 

“She was talking about you.” Lily pointed like a little girl.

“Oh, really?” Tom crocked an eyebrow while placing his arms around Y/n.

“Yes, about how she’s going to ignore me- like right now- and be all lovely jolly with you.” 

“I don’t want to brag but- I’m pretty cool so- “ Tom joked. Leaving a kiss at the back of Y/n’s head.

“Oh, you shut up!” Lily said standing up. “I’m going to leave you two to it…” and then she left without waiting for an answer.

“Lily!” Y/n exclaimed, shaking her head disappointed but laughing before turning to face Tom. “Hi”

“Hi.”  Tom looked down at her eyes. His height always amused her, Y/n felt secured with him being so tall, she didn’t know exactly with, but she did.

“Did you need something?” she inquired, placing her hands on his chest.

“Yes.”

“Oh, what?”

“You.”

“Cheesy, way too cheesy, Tom.” she laughed.

“It’s the truth.” he replied, kneeling down to meet her lips. 

…………………………………………………

Sad day, last day

The last day of shooting and the day before that one with the big wrap party, Y/n felt really emotional. This production gave her more than she could ever ask for: a lot of experience and work, of course, but also friendships and a lovely boy. She was more than grateful with it.

Y/n was leaving that day with Tom and Lily. He brought his stuff a couple of days before so when they had to leave, they went straight from the Airbnb that Lily and Y/n shared towards the airport. It was more practical and that let Tom and Y/n spend nights together.

Y/n woke pretty early sensing the warmth that Tom’s body spread. Her head was in his chest, and his arms were around her form. She let a sigh out in pure bliss. Tom moved a little, waking up as well.

“Morning.” he said in a raspy voice.

“Morning.” she smiled, propping herself up staring down at him. “How did you sleep?”

“Like a baby. After that intense activity- “

“Tom! Stop that!” she whined.

“Okay, okay. Now you’re shy but last night- “

“Omg, shh!” she shushed him, trying to leave his side.

“No, come back here.” he begged.

“Such a baby.” she teased.

“Thanks.” he answered laughing after she was only centimetres away from his face. “I need my morning kiss, y’know.”

“Oh, really? I don’t know.” she played dumb.

“Please? I’ll stop saying how hot last night was.” he chuckled.

“Exactly, no. You lost your opportunity.” she tried to stand up, but quickly Tom pulled her into the mattress.

“Why so shy so suddenly, darling?” Tom asked. The nickname made her think about Matty, making her instantly felt bad. Now she was fully aware they were coming home. “Hey.” he tried to get her attention when Y/n’s sight fell elsewhere, lost. “If it’s so bad to kiss me and think about us having- “

“Stop!” she placed her hands on his mouth, laughing at the same time. “I just- I don’t want to get back home.”

“Why?”

Her hands found his curls quickly, “I’m not going to see you every day.”

“And then I’m clingy?” he inquired, leaning down to caress her throat with his nose, taking her in.

“Oh, forget it!”

“No. I’m sad about that too, believe me. But, we don’t live that far from each other.”

“I know, but…”

“Stop with the but’s. I want my kiss.” he said, reaching her face to finally kissed her.

Tom’s kisses were like no other ones in her life. Y/n didn’t kiss many boys but she was sure none of them kissed like him. He made her feel inexplicable feelings. He was tender and kind, but hot and torrid at the same time. Tom treated her as if Y/n was made of porcelain, with so much love and caring. She was getting addicted to him.

Tom was like her favourite season. Tom felt like spring. 

………………………..

After the three of them left for the airport, Tom acknowledged quickly how clingy Y/n was being. In fact, he was making most of it because she was rarely like that around other people. Neither of them was. He kept her close. Hugging her or taking her hand. Subtle forms of ‘I’m here, we’re okay’. Y/n was glad he noticed. It amazed her how well he understood her when they had only known each other for nearly 10 months. He was going to miss him, no matter if he was close, and they already had plans to meet in London.

Y/n was trying to avoid overthinking her behaviour. She succeeded until they took the plane home, and Tom fell asleep. 

For a while, she admired his face and features. She didn’t want to appear creepy, so she turned her sight to the clouds. The sky was almost black. She could still picture the lights of the city, of Ireland. Then, the sea came into her view. Y/n always felt a big connection with the water no matter how much she loved the earth, the land. There was something so deep and meaningful about water that amazed her. Maybe, it was the fact that you can reflect yourself on water. At that moment she couldn’t picture her figure from so afar even though the colour and the depends on the Irish Sea made her look inside herself.

The inner talk was something she avoided a little since her relationship with Tom started. On the other hand, you can’t stop yourself from thinking. You have to, if you don’t talk with yourself how would you know what you want and what you have to do to get better?

Y/n felt that she failed to herself in that part. Yes, she wanted to be happy. She was happy. But she repeated something she acknowledges a way back. She avoided Matty. Well, she didn’t, they talked even though she avoided her feelings or not feelings for him. She avoided thinking about which position she was in about him. And that was a little bit wrong. Not because she was happy with Tom she could keep avoiding her problems, avoid Matty. 

Y/n wanted to solve her situation. She wanted to get back to her friendship with Matty as it was. Without knowing, she drifted more apart after she repeated that to herself.

She didn’t tell her best friend about the amazing relationship she was in now. Of course, Y/n had her reasons. Although, if she wanted to get back to be just friends…didn’t friend tell each other things like this? Matty told her about him and Nadia back then.

She wanted to tell him, but after two months or so Y/n wanted to do it in person. Matty was in New York at the moment, which made that quite difficult. Maybe when he returned. She knew he would get angry, that’s why she wanted to somehow explain it to him. She would have to lie a little bit longer…for the last time. 

Y/n had to admit to herself, she missed him. She missed the whole gang. She missed her English family. That was why she was also happy to be back. Not everything was awful.

Y/n came back to real life once the plane started the descended and Tom woke up. She tried to enjoy those last minutes. Yeah, she knew she was kind of overreacting, but she couldn’t avoid it. As well as oceans, she was restless…to many feelings. As well as oceans, she was going to settle. The calm was here. Or that was what she liked to think.

………………………………….

Two weeks after

Two more weeks went by during which Matty was still unhappy and troubled. That time not only due to Y/n and his feelings, this time because of the coronavirus. They had to return home. Sadly, the cases were rasing in so little time, that the government was closing down everything again.

For the album, Matty wasn’t preoccupied because with the rumours of this happening they managed to do most of the works left, and they wrapped a day before the announcement. And they could always continue from home. 

Staying in New York was an option, although they had been gone for a long while. George was missing his girlfriend, Adam his child, Ross his family and Matty the comfort of home. They preferred to return home. Back in England, the situation wasn’t bad but also not good. The government was considering closing everything again, they didn’t have news about it.

A part of Matty wasn’t sure if he wanted to get back. Part of him wanted, he missed his family, his shared house with the boys, and everything. Another part, didn’t want to get back though. Too many things to deal with. Being out of the country, wherever work took him, he was available to stay far from his normal problems, or he had that illusion. 

Anyway, coming home was exhausting. More during the corona time. Having to use the face mask and all the protocols. He wasn’t complaining, he supports taking care of the rest and his wealth. It just adds a lot on his shoulders and made him more tired.

Once he returned, Matty spent a lot of time inside his room playing games or writing, he even went on a walk with Denise for a short time. 

He knew Y/n was also back home, and she sometimes met up with George and the rest. Although, he wasn’t ready to see her. They still talk by message, they avoid the topic. Even when Y/n knew very well he was at home, she mentioned nothing. She didn’t want to push him, and at the same time, she was spending time in London for a good amount of time with Tom.

So, yeah, Matty wasn’t ready for what life, the universe or God had under her/his sleeve this time.

……………………………….

Sunny Sunday

A week prior to the dinner, Denise started begging and bugging him to get all together. She said, ‘let’s share a nice meal at this place closer to you guys now that we’re allowed before everything closes again, Matty!’ and no matter how much he tried she won. The boys were excited to see new faces after weeks of only seeing each other working to get the record ready to publish.

Matty and Hann arrived at the restaurant first but they waited at the car park for the rest to arrive. They did minutes after.

“Hi, boys!” Denise said, very happily.

“Hi, mom.” Matty was the first greeting her.

“Hello.”

“Why so happy?” George inquired.

“Can’t I be happy for seein’ you handsome boys?” she asked, innocently.

“Mom…” Matty knew better.

“Okay, okay. I have a surprise for you all!”

Ross got all excited like a little kid during Christmas, “What?” 

“Patience, dear. We have to wait a little longer before it arrives. Well, it’s not a thing, is a person.” Denise’s smile was wide. 

“I’m not following.” Adam interrupted.

Louis interfered,  “Me neither. But, you get used to it.” and the rest chuckled.

“Wait and see. She is arriving!”

“Oh, she?” George inquired.

“Yes, she. Not whatever you’re thinking- I don’t want to- “

“Mom, could you just tell us!” Matty was growing anxious.

“Oh, she is here!!” Denise cheered so loud.

The whole family looked at how a very familiar car parked beside theirs. Shortly after, Y/n came out smiling nervously at them.

“Hi, guys.” she greeted the group.

Matty’s heart stopped beating right there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @hollybrislen @sinarainbows @eaglestar31 @sugarkane1001 @brittluvs1975

Chapter 7 >

[kitcatttt]

Hello and welcome to my blog! My name is Kitcat or Ayah!

Pronouns: She/He, don’t mind They or It

Sexuality: Panromantic, Asexual but not sex repulsed. No NSFW please.

Birthday: June 12

My Carrd!

Open ask game!

Fandoms!

Jsab/TPC

Project Arrhythmia

Splatoon

Undertale/Deltarune

Project Muse

Mario & Luigi games

FNAF

Risk of Rain 2 (Milo I hate you /j)

Persona (just 5 currently, I have 3 and 4 I gotta play them)

Before you interact

I need tone tags. I’m bad at picking up sarcasm irl, and there’s like, no way to tell if someone is being sarcastic over text.

Please tell me if I do make you uncomfortable. I’d like to know so I can stop doing so.

Continuing from the above, PLEASE ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES WHEN WE FIRST START INTERACTING. I’ve had too many instances where I’ve accidentally made someone uncomfortable because I didn’t know their boundaries. I feel guilt easily and it lasts for a long time, I basically never get over it. So it would be nice to not have to feel said guilt at all.

I do occasionally make dirty jokes, and I jokingly say smash to a lot of things, specifically characters. Tell me if this makes you uncomfortable and I won’t do it around you.

I am trying to teach myself how to draw! I had been scared away from drawing for a few years, but I’m finally trying again. They might not be that good as of now. Please don’t make fun of me.

Please do not say my characters are “literally you” unless we are mutuals, and even then please ask for permission first. It does not sit right with me.

Self diagnosed AuDHD. Please don’t attack me for this. I’m only self diagnosing because my parents aren’t supportive of me getting evaluated and not only me, but several friends, peers, and adults in my life suspect I’m AuDHD, or at least autistic. Maybe I’ll get the diagnosis one day :(

DNI

Racist, homophobic, transphobic, or any other discriminatory people.

NSFW blogs and darkship/proship/profic people. So many terms jfc so I’ll just say this. If you support any kind of pedophilia, irl, fictional, whatever, get the fuck off my blog.

Cintagonisupset and his supporters. (Update on this one! I’m fine with his supporters as long as y’all aren’t here to start shit :])

People that just want to stir up drama.

DNI’s don’t really do anything but if you fit the above criteria and you got blocked don’t be surprised, I mean, I warned you :)

Please don’t mention around me (Ships)

TPC Cube x anyone other than Lythorus (Tied to a certain someone, but I’m kinda ok with it as long as it isn’t forced? Idk what would count as forced but Cube x Marcle feels hella forced- and just TPC versions of him. I ship HOPE Cubiris.)

Pyrare x anyone (canonically Aromantic)

Circubit x any female character/oc (canonically gay)

Blixer x Wave (don’t know much about the ship, but there’s apparently something wrong with it???? Idfk-)

Circumuscle x Cirtunda (Cirtunda adopts Circumuscle in my au, plus I don’t even think they’re close in age anymore. If you find past posts of me shipping them, it was BEFORE S2 Ep 1 of TPC came out, in which my au changed)

Marcle x Squadril, Marcle x Purpex, Squadril x Purpex (Purpex adopted Marcle and Squadril in my au)

Quintagon x Cubic (Literally just DNI. Why is this a ship.)

Friends list!

@comet--storm - <333

@thatonepurpleshape -Silly ass goober, one of the first friends I made on this hellsite

@mfbees - Dumbass irl I dragged into the JSAB fandom /aff

@trash-jsab - Moderates my discord server, is da server parent :]

@anonymously-night - Also moderates my discord server, helps keep everything in check (THANK YOU 🙏🙏🙏)

@mugzymiik - cheese boy /j I’m fucking eating all your aus

@ebony-silly-zone - Hit it off with them when they first joined and now I blab to them about my aus :3

(if any of my mutuals wanna be added just ask :3 I know damn well I’ve forgotten some people)

Other blogs!

@jsab-pa - Art blog! (Run in character by Sen, one of my sonas)

@corrupted-chaoss, @corrupted-chaoss-fic An askblog and fic blog for my JSAB au, Corrupted Chaos

@lil-robo-idiot - Rp blog for my TPC oc, Penl

@coho-chat - Rp and ask blog for my ocs for the Bossfight album Caps On, Hats Off

@tpc-rp-blog - General rp blog so I’m not reblogging to my main

@sins-n-sinners - Ask blog co-run by Milo and Ebony

@uprises-on-your-grave - Askblog for Uprising, and band based on a Teminite album by the same name

Important links (to be updated)

Drama post. Don’t read if you don’t wanna get into it.

Addressing important allegations. More drama.

TPC headcanons

Sexual content and my ocs.

Pyrare and shipping.

My HOPE au vs my TPC au

Pink Heroes infodump!

My tags! (New as of this post)

#kit is on her shit again - rambling tag

#oh shit kit got a pencil - art posts

#why do you tolerate me :] - friend tag :3

#fuck me dude - vent tag, drama tag

#yay blood! :D - gore tag, art or writing

#kit focus on English class - fic tag and lore tag

#kit forgot how to draw - gacha tag

#kit go to sleep - anything I post in between 12am -6am my time (EST)

#kitty cat yaps - ask tag

#😭❓❓❓ - random thoughts

My aus + their abbreviations

Magenta Decedance - My TPC au - MD

Wilted Roses - TPC au, name subject to change to an actual one because it just has the name for the Cintasphere fic currently. Once name changes I will update the description - WR

Mistakes Were Made - An au focused on Circumcannon, where he snapped and killed his family - MWM

School Love Chaos - A college au focused on Cintagon and Circumsphere, Cintagon being the yandere - SLC

Iris Insanity - An au where Iris cracked under the pressure and corrupted - II

Adler’s Experiments - An experiment au focused on my Flowers Of Antimony, Addicus or Adler, who is experimenting on shapes with the corruption - AE

The Contract - An au where Zinnia, Dub’s successor, made a deal with Rot (the tree), and everything went to shit - TC

Lovebug - Penl, a pink hero like Cyanide, got a virus! And now the corruption makes you a yandere???? - LB

Triple Star Shoppe - Cintagon, Purpex, and Pirene (oc) started a business together! Cinta is a dollmaker, Purp is a chef, and Pi is a blacksmith. Something feels… off, though. - TSS

Sins and Sinners - An au focusing on the 7 Deadly Sins’ kids, who took over after they died. (Co owned by Milo and Ebony) - SnS

House of Horror - Come on in! We don’t bite :) - HoH

Not Of The Machine - One of my ocs, Penl, is the only human in a world full of robots. Thus he’s forced to stop the corruption since he’s immune (it’s a virus!) - NOTM

Crystalline Hivemind - An infection au with Amethyst :] - CH

Robotic Necromancy - The Chipzels died, but had their souls trapped in animatronics! What do you mean this is a FNAF au? - RN

False God - The Tree killed Circumsphere out of hatred for Cintagon, so he decided to rebel - FG

Hope - My version of the scrapped Hope series by Brittney Robinson - Hope

Corrupted Chaos - My main jsab au - CC

Purity. - A tree cult was started after the corruption event in CC, and its just as bad. - Purity

Neutralized Nemesis - Another jsab au, where all of the bosses are dating a hero (includes the beta heroes) - NN

Failed Opposition - A bad end jsab au - FO

My ships (and the au’s they’re in)

Pentellow x Iris (both poly) - All except Hope

Cube x Lythorus - All

Cintagon x Circumsphere - All, one sided in SLC

Rincle x Circumuscle - All

Polyhedron x Cirtunda - All

Pentellow x Ajaceare (also poly) - All

Quintagon x Ajaceare - Not in any due to age differences

Dub x Barracuda - All

Iris x Circubit (Poly once more) - All

Hexagram x Circumsphere (exes) - All except Hope, dominant ship in SLC

Cube x Iris - Hope

Cubical x Iris (exes) - All, not together

Cubical x Circubit (also exes) - All, not together

That’s it (for now)! Hope you enjoy your time on my blog!

Dividers made by @trash-jsab

[watchingovergvff]

Family Firsts- Danny Wagner

Summary: Meeting Danny’s family was nerve wracking. Thankfully he’s there to save the day when you need it most.

Genre: Established Relationship. Fluff.

Word Count: 500

Warnings: None.

A/N: I love to hear feedback, so don’t hesitate to do so. Thank you for all the love and support<333

——————————————————————————

“Are you sure I look okay? It’s not too much?” you question as Danny grabs his coat.

“Baby, you look fantastic. How many more times do I need to tell you that, before you believe me?” he says. “I just want to make a good impression. This is the second time I’ve met your parents, not to mention all of your extended family. I want them to like me,” you whine, nerves thumping under your skin.

He pulls you close, rubbing soothing circles into your hips. “First of all, my parents adore you. Josie won’t stop bugging me about bringing you over more. Plus, it doesn’t matter what my family thinks of you, I happen to like you too much to get rid of you now,” he exclaims, a grin threatening to break out over your tight-lipped face. You lightly smack his chest, pushing him away from you with a laugh. Silently, you double check yourself in the mirror, pushing your worries to the side.

“Okay, we better go now before I chicken out and play dead,” you gripe as you trot through the front door. Danny chuckles at your dramatics, very used to them now.

……..

Upon arrival, you anxiously climb out of Danny’s car, reaching for his hand, hoping it would stabilize you a bit. The both of you stand outside of his car for a few short moments, trying to prepare yourselves. Danny cups your hands, bringing them up to his lips, gently peppering kisses onto them.

“You ready?” he asks.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” you mumble under your breath.

Walking up to the doorstep, you and Danny share small smiles towards one another, hoping to relieve some tension. Danny’s parents met the both of you at the door, with big welcoming smiles, begging the both of you to come in. The both of you are pulled into tight hugs by both parents. Danny’s mom telling you how happy she was that you came. His father insisting that he take all of your bags for you.

Both you and Danny make your way into further into the house, greeting everyone you come across with a polite hello and smile. Walking into the kitchen, you spot Josie from a mile away, shimmying through the group of people to get to her. She wraps you into a tight hug. “Just so were clear, the booze is that way. You’ll need it, I promise,” she laughs out. Laughing along with her, Danny goes to grab the both of you something to drink.

A few minutes later, dinner was set and ready for everyone attending. Danny quickly offers to fix a plate for the both of you, as long as you find you both a good seat. Claiming two spots across from Josie and her mother, you begin to catch up with the both of them. Shortly after the conversation is moved to another part of the table, Danny comes back with plates filled with food. You quietly thank him as he sits down.

After listening to Danny’s parents tell past Thanksgiving tales, a question is thrown your way.

“So, Danny, how long have you and y/n been together? How did the two of you met?” they ask. You shift in your seat a little, adjusting to all the attention on the both of you.

“We’ve been together for about three years now, quite a long time for someone to put up with me,” he says with a wide grin. Everyone shifts their gazes onto you. “If I’m being honest we didn’t really meet in the most romantic way. I had gone out with a few friends to a local bar, to celebrate my birthday, and it just so happened that their band was playing there that night. My friends had made me wear one of those silly birthday crowns and sashes. I had had a few drinks and my friends decided to make their way onto the dance floor, but I wanted to stay back and just watch the band play. The band finally took a break and went up to the bar to order some drinks, when a certain curly headed drummer walked past me, giving me a gentle smile. He asked if he could sit down with me and we just talked about anything and everything until their break was up. He griped about not wanting to leave me, but happily went back after I told him I wanted to hear the play some more. It was my birthday after all, how could he say no to that. I ended up staying until after their set was over, and he came back to sit with me. We talked until the bar made us leave, because they were closing. Of course, Danny the gentlemen, walked me to my car, and asked if he could take me out on a proper date. I teased him a bit, but eventually gave in. That was that, here we are three years later,” you said.

Everyone coed at the two of you, grinning at the both of you. Danny rubbed at your knee softly, happy that you felt comfortable enough to tell that story to his family.

Once dinner was over, the both of you began to say your goodbyes, exhausted and full to the brim with food.

Starting your drive home, you look over at Danny, eyes full of love.

“Do you think they liked me?” you asked.

“Are you kidding me, every last one of them couldn’t stop talking about how much they loved you. You have nothing to worry about, my love,” he says.

“I do think my grandparents wanted to have a stroke when they heard we met in a bar though,” he says with wide eyes. The both of you busting out in laughter. “Thank you for coming, babe. It really meant a lot to me,” he says, gazing into your eyes.

“You’re my family now Danny, I’d do anything for you. Even if it means getting grilled by your family. I’d do it again and again for you if I had to. Plus, it wasn’t so bad, your mom knows how to make a mean dirty Shirley, what more could I ask for,” you exclaim, grinning at him.

“You’re so ridiculous. I love you so much you weirdo,” he sighs in content.

“I love you too weirdo,” you say, pulling him into a kiss.

…..

Hope you enjoyed!!!

[lollytea]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Mar tagged me in this. Thank you Mar <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

358,837

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Owls....for now and the foreseeable future. Other things in the past but....owls. Owls and nothing else.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

There's Sunshine in Your Smile

Atlas and the Avid Reader

A Little Change

An Exercise in Understanding

Girl Talk

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I don't, I'm sorry!! When I first started posting on ao3, I answered every comment I got, but as more came in, I realized I was running out of ways to respond and it felt like I was just copy and pasting "thank you so much omg!!!" again and again and it felt awkward and disingenuous. (I meant it tho!! I did!!)

Also I never have any idea how to respond to long essay type comments that were picking the fic apart and highlighting everything they like about it. I ADORE those comments!!! They make me happier than anything else on earth but HOW can I respond to them?? A one liner thanks feels cheap and meaningless, but a long ramble about my own stuff feels arrogant.

So I just stopped replying to comments altogether. But listen please listen!!! I do read them!!! I read every single one of them and I love and appreciate them with all my heart!!! Thank you so so SO much to anybody who's ever left a comment on anything I've written!!!

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really write angsty endings. I guess atlas and pages both ended on a bit of a bittersweet note? Maybe.

That one ducktales fic Fearless left off on a kinda angsty cliffhanger, only because I never finished it. So it's technically an ending

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Man I dunno most of them are kinda open ended (or unfinished) I suppose A Little Change ended on a sickeningly sweet note. Like disgustingly sweet (because I was 19 and stupid and had no concept of subtlety) Penniless Promises ended with a marriage proposal.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No the only hate comment I've ever gotten is this one

It kinda annoys me. I consider your first hate comment to be a special milestone in your fanfic writing history. I've been waiting years for this. And then I FINALLY get it but I have no fucking idea what it means.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I've written bits and pieces over the years but I don't post any of it. I think the last "smut" I posted was weird werewolf knotting shit in like 2017

What kind? Fuckin uhhhhh. It's always very fluffy. Usually there's nothing weird going on. Sometimes there's monsters involved but the monsters are usually massive sweethearts who just want love.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. A few times. And it's always fucking wattpad. At one point, somebody put my fic through Google translate and reposted it in Spanish. I would have been completely unaware if somebody hadn't messaged me about it.

The process of getting them to take it down was a fucking circus. Their ability to use Google translate suddenly vanished the moment I contacted them.

I reported it and had to go back and forth with Wattpad support because the fic was IN SPANISH, so they just kinda glanced at it and were like "This is not the same thing that you wrote. These are different words. Spanish words." I was losing my MIND!!!!!!

They took it down eventually. Anyway...sorry I went on a tangent, I just think this is a funny story. Moral of the story is there are probably several stolen fics on wattpad and run through translators, and we have no idea. There might be more of mine on there but honestly I do not have the energy to be monitoring the stupid site. I hate wattpad so much its unreal.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

As we have just learned from the above story, yes :D!!

But also yeah, some people asked permission to translate my stuff and post it with credit. Sunshine has been translated into Spanish and Ukrainian!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No I can barely manage to write them myself

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Undocumented Events of March 23rd. I might update it at some point in the next five years. But I had so many chapters planned that it will probably never reach the ending at the pace I'm going with it. But I love the jungle book husbands. I get back to them at some point in time

16. What are your writing strengths?

Word disease is the worst fucking thing ever but it CAN be a good thing in some circumstances. A huge meaty chunk of a fic. Something to dig into. Having a lot to say can lead to a lot to write. And the more you write, the more likely you'll get some quality stuff in there.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I repeat. Word disease is the worst fucking thing ever. And when it's coupled with a complexity addiction, UGGH!!! It's a blight on my life. I can't just write a simple straightforward fic, without getting carried away and the ideas just get bigger and bigger. Suddenly I'm implementing more elaborate concepts, scenes that need to be handled delicately. Everything takes absolutely all of my brainpower because I'm a neurotic overthinker who can never just RELAX and write something fun. And I WANT all of it. I want to execute all the plans that exist in my head but then I get overwhelmed by how big and complicated everything has gotten and I get burned out. Which is why things so rarely get done.

I'm a perfectionist. A horrible terrible one. I struggle to write ANYTHING without carefully constructing every individual line of it. Which makes progress so slow and tedious. I get scared to even START fics because I'm afraid I'll make myself feel awful again if they don't turn out good.

My grammar is very imperfect but I'm working on that.

I can be very unnecessarily wordy and take forever to get to the point. I've reread my own stuff and even I have difficulty following it because the sentences just have so many bells and whistles for no good reason. I completely forget a huge chunk of vocab and don't realize they are simpler way to phrase things.

My attempts at executing believable emotional scenes often fall kinda flat. Writing drama is hard but I'm amazed by some people's capability to master it so I'm chipping away at it, hoping to get better.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't really have any thoughts at all about them. Literally none.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I'd like to say it was Trolls but it was actually Hetalia when I was like 14. But I do everything within my power to distance myself from Hetalia, so I like to say it doesn't count. But....need to be honest.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Currently, at this point that I am at, the ones I used to be the most proud of now feel like they were a waste of time. I'm sure that will change again in a few months. How I feel about my own stuff is never consistent. The way that this question is phrased implies a forever favourite. Something I loved then, I love now and will love in future, and that is just never the case.

But also I don't wanna be an Eeyore about it, so I'll say a trance, a dance, a romance perchance?

I really do love my fairy Willow. She's so special to me :D!!

Tagging: after writing this whole post, I now feel very weird tagging people specifically and being like "HEY YOU! Look at this post I made <33" This is like a don't look at me post. BUT I do have lots of writer mutuals. And writer followers. If you're one of them and you see this....you!!!! Tag youre it!!!!

[bobemajses]

my family is from three known places: targu neamt, schedrin and a place called taboschnik (?) somewhere in belarus that i can’t find when i look it up anywhere. id be very interested if you could find anything out about targu neamt or especially taboschnik!

my paternal zayda worked in a labor camp during the war but came home when he could, on sundays. it was on one of those rare days home that he married my bubbe. they fled from targu meant to a displaced persons camp in germany in 1947, fleeing the russians (either present or encroaching?) in the middle of the night. there’s a note on the back of an old photo, that they wrote to my eldest aunt (who was an infant at the time): ‘this picture was taken a few days before leaving romania for a long, hard and unknown trip. decision to leave: july 16 at 2pm. departure: july 17 2am. baggage: none, except our sweet daughter’. my zeida and bubbe made it to the camp, and he sold cigarettes illegally to make money. then they came to canada, and had three more children.

i don’t know much about my mom’s maternal family, from schedrin and taboschnik. they (my maternal great grandparents) likely came over in the 1920’s. the family myth is they met on the boat to america, where they would go on and settle down in chicago after encountering each other again years later. we do know that one of my grandma’s parents was VERY religious, though. that probably comes from the fact that schedrin was founded by the third chabad rebbe. it always had a strong lubavitcher presence.

i want to say i really love your account. it breathes so much life into our past, and makes my heart warm. i hope this ask isn’t too long, im on mobile so it’s hard to see. much love <3

Much love to you also <333 And thank you for your support!

I searched Taboshnik and Tabashnik in Russian and found the village Tabachniki (Tabačniki) in Belarus, 8km of the town Jeziaryšča in the Vitebsk region. I am not sure if this is really your village and I couldn't find anything about the Jews from there. The Vitebsk region in general was full of them.

But I can tell you surely something about Targu Neamt. Jews were a constant presence in the town’s life until the end of World War II. Following WWII (which did not affect them to a large extent) and the installation of the communist regime, most of them decided to leave, thereby leaving behind a wonderful heritage that is slowly disappearing.

Jews were first mentioned in Targu Neamt in a document from 1660s, and the oldest tombstones in the Jewish cemetery are dated 1677 and 1689. Under the Ottomans, Jews in Târgu Neamț were organized into an isnaf (guild) led by a staroste.

The first blood libel allegation in all of Romania occurred in Targu Neamt in 1710: Jews were accused of killing a Christian child and using his blood for ritual Passover use. Consequently, 5 Jews were killed and another 22 arrested, “denounced” by a monk and two Jewish converts. After an appeal to the prince of Moldavia, the case was investigated, its falsity demonstrated, and the arrested Jews freed.

In 1821 Greek rebells, in a violent uprising against the Turkish rule (Zavera), crossed Moldavia, set fire to the town, and murdered half the Jewish population. In 1899 the Jewish population reached 3,671 (42% of the total). After Jews achieved emancipation in 1919, they participated in municipal life, electing two members to the municipal council in 1930 through the Union of Romanian Jews. In July 1942, the Romanian forest engineer Gheorghe Cojoc arranged with authorities for Jews from the town to work in forests near Targu Neamt, saving them from deportation to Transnistria.

In 1947, some 2,900 Jews lived in Targu Neamt. Their numbers then diminished due to communist persecution and emigration, mainly to Israel. Until 1985 there were nine synagogues still standing in the town, but then eight of them were torn down in the urban renewal that transformed Targu Neamt into a carbon copy of almost every other town nearby. In 1992, just 34 Jews lived there; and in 2004 there were 30, with one beautiful functioning synagogue.

[siarven]

Hello everyone!

I managed to finish the fourth version of my main WIP about a week ago and would love to see what other people think! <3 So below there’s an intro, and a mini excerpt from the start of the story can be found under the cut <3

DREAM’S SHADOW|

Book 1 in a series; Version 4.1

LENGTH | 132,166 words (according to scrivener)

GENRE | dark fantasy set in another world, hopepunk, creepy/horror elements, small scope that will transition into epic fantasy later on in the series

POV | first & third person limited, present tense

THEMES & TROPES | hopepunk, sibling dynamics, dysfunctional family, power of kindness & love, platonic love, queer characters, queer-embracing worldbuilding, mental & physical trauma, light & dark, secrets, tragedy, lies, betrayal, loss of innocence, holding on & letting go, cute creatures, (in)humanity, trees, religion & belief, growing up, monsters, dreams, nightmares.

CONTENT WARNINGS | angst, depression, anxiety, manipulation, terrible self-esteem/no self-worth/self-hatred, suicidal ideation, nyctophobia, panic attacks, nightmares, surreality/unreality, spiralling thoughts, body horror (esp eye related), scopophobia, blood, injury, violence, torture, character death (but it’s not what you think,,,)

SYNOPSIS |

When Ava and her parents arrive at the hospital, they find her older brother Ben in a deeply unnatural coma—and nobody can tell them what happened. Despite the magical abilities of the Asim Healers, there seems to be no way to save him. But then, why do they still keep him alive? As Ava slowly learns the magnitude of how terrible Ben’s situation (and impossible his future) truly are, she finds herself embroiled in a larger conflict, ready to hook its claws into her as well. And the one person she cares about most—who always had her back—is gone. So despite everything, there’s only really one choice. Find out how to save him and try anyways.

CHARACTERS |

AVA, 10. She/her/they/them. The Smol Angery Bean.  Animal (dragon :3) person, doesn’t get along with people most of the time. Basically got raised by Ben and thinks he can do no wrong.

BEN, 18. He/him. The Responsible One. Good in school, takes care of his dysfunctional family, keeps everything from falling apart. Everyone thinks he’s perfect. Is selfless to a fault. It’s a problem. No self-esteem.

ELINOR, 16. She/her. The Wayward Daughter. Got taken by the Asim as a child because of her inherent magic potential.

... and a few side characters <3

SCHEDULE ETC. |

I don’t really have a schedule during which you’d have to read anything because I’m going to be working on other stuff for the next few months (and let’s face it, we’re all busy anyways). My current time frame is “within the next 4 months would be nice” :)

I’d give you the story in ~15k chunks so it’s not all at once, I can see what you think while you’re reading it, and it doesn’t become too much (and ofc you can stop at any time if you don’t end up vibing <3).

I have a list of questions or you can just tell me what you think as you read, I am not at the point of line edits, this is more "does everything make sense” and pacing-related. <3

If you’re interested, please shoot me a message/ an ask/ email me at xsiarven@gmail.com <33

I’ll also love you forever if you reblogged this post so it can reach more people <3

(Taglist & short excerpt below the cut)

EXCERPT |

He knows he is dreaming because he always does—and he can feel that she shouldn’t be part of this dream even before he sees her.

“Who are you?”

She’s sitting cross-legged on the ground, head tilted in a slightly unnerving fashion. A lazy smile lifts the corners of her mouth, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“Yes, indeed… a good question. But what you should be asking yourself instead is this: why am I here?” She smiles. Her face is soft and round. Her eyes reflect the sky.

He does not dare look away, even as he swallows. “Then… why are you here?”

“Why, that is a good question!” She laughs. He shivers.

“I am here because it’s beginning, Dreamling. And you are the pivot. The chink.”

His heart-rate picks up at that. Her eyes are sharper now, and there’s something vicious in the way she’s staring at him, in the way her lips curl around that smile.

He turns away and hates himself for it. From the corner of his eye he can see her smile widening. The fear burns like ice in his veins.

It’s getting dark, the sky turning purple and pink and gold even though there’s no sun. A thousand small lights drift sleepily through the air, some close, some further away.

Somehow they make him sad.

“What does that mean?“ he asks, heart in his throat.

She doesn’t reply. Her smile turns cruel.

He shivers.

“Why?” he asks. “I don’t—I don’t...” He trails off when he meets her gaze. Her eyes seem larger than before.

He’s never been looked at like that.

“You don’t get a choice,” she tells him, all traces of playfulness gone from her voice.

“Your kind never does.”

DREAM’S SHADOW TAG LIST | (ask to be added/removed)

@wilde-writing | @thereisnothingwrongwithbeingmad | @authordai | @madmoonink  | @lynnafred | @prismalicht | @sincerestaffect | @romenna | @zekethegm | @hypnocutiegypsy | @random-stuff-thrown-into-a-pot | @els-writes | @randooooooooooom | @asttralhell | @followthatgoose | @kittensartswriting | @purpleshadows1989 | @raiswanson | @ettawritesnstudies | @writingwordsanddrawingpictures | @albatris | @semblanche​

[sleepytortellini]

100 followers! i seriously cannot believe that i've hit another milestone so fast! this is the best early birthday gift i could ask for and such a motivational boost! thank you so much everyone :,) i cherish all of you, no matter if you've been here for a few days or since the beginning! i hope that i can continue to create lovely creations for all of you to see for many more years! once again, i'd like to thank the people who helped me reach this milestone, because i have so much appreciation for all of you <3

@gojosattoru ana!!! my loveliest big-sister-role-model figure!!! thank you for your endless love and support, whether it's our little conversations here and there or your sweetest reblogs! you're such a happy ray of sunshine in my life and i love you so much!! sending all of my love to you darling <333

@tanchirou akiiii :)) you're so sweet and all of our conversations are so lovely!! seeing all of your creations pop up into my feed are genuinely so lovely and i hope that the school year has been treating you well darling!!

@fairystails sunaina :( i love you more than you know and every time i talk to, i find myself smiling so big <333 you're such an amazing person, and despite you leaving tumblr very soon, please know that these past few months of being friends have been so so wonderful!! ily so so so much and keep in touch please!!!

@itadorii-yuuji lisetteeee!!! hope that you're doing well and that the weather over there is great (it's been pretty cloudy/rainy over here lolol) talking to you is such a nice part of my day and ily so much!

@katsukes ian darling!!! i hope that school has been treating you well with you being so busy (because you're ever so smart!! if it's not going well, i'm throwing all of my luck and love at you bby!) ily lots and hope that you're doing well!!

@reddriot zebraaa!!! we haven't been in touch a lot recently! i hope that school is going wonderfully for you and that you're well!! thank you for these past few months, they've been so much fun darling!

@natsutakashi mamie namie!!! seeing your tweets is such a mood booster by how random everything is and ily for it <333 you're such an inspiration to me and all your creations look so amazing (like how ;-;) hope that studying is going well for you!!!!! ily sm!!!

@ocarinnas cahhh!!! how are you? talking with you about 4nemo and genshin is so much fun, and i hope we can play together sometime!!

@fangrui hanyi, your creations are ever so gorgeous and you're even sweeter! thank you for being so nice and i hope you're well!

@keikuns @kishou @missmakaalbarns hânnn!! i hope that you get diluc soon! talking with you guys about genshin is lots and lots of fun!! and senka, i'm so glad that you're done with studying!! hope that life treats you well wherever you go <3 nikki!! thank you for getting me into soul eater and doubling my anilist from stuff i'm going to watch! (i can't promise i'll watch any of it soon, but i will most definitely keep you updated on that)

@koshoe jasmineee!!! screaming with you about genshin is the best and you're so fun to talk to!! love you!

@braunreiner anaaa i can't tell you how glad i am that my words cheer you up! that makes me so very happy as well! keep up the amazing work and i hope you're having an awesome day!!

@deathberi eriii <333 i hope that you're doing well and work is going well!! you're always a pleasure to chat with and ily!!!

@misakarose tayyy!! thank you for introducing me to starset, their music is awesome! and also for making so much gorgeous gojo content! all of it is amazing! sending hugs to you!

@zuura @aslaanjade my two friends anto!!! i love you both so much! your creations never fail to impress and you are both so lovely to talk to! i hope that you guys are doing great!

i'm running out of time, so sorry if i can't write a lot! but i have mountains of appreciation for all of you and ily so much everyone!

many more thank yous to everyone, especially those of you who i met on the amc discord! it's such a privilege to be surrounded by so many talented people <333 @allbluesanji @osamusmiya @mcki @hokusu @baskrvilles @yooasobi @naoamaya @kyaa-a @anyaaforger @man4jiro @luffys @stormbreaker

[shurisneakers]

harmless (x)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, anxiety, smidge of angst, mentions of violence

Word count: 7.8k (i went overboard. clearly.)

A/N: as well all know, i am a humanities student writing science geeks. if any of this sounds unrealistic or nonsensical, it’s because it is and i am honestly too exhausted to research data privacy and AI so here’s my take on how STEM should work i.e. the power of friendship  <3 major shoutout to @iamlittlesparkler for the idea for this chapter!

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part  || Series Masterlist

“As you know, we have a busy week ahead of us.” 

Coffees line the conference room table, pens click against the stacks of paper that settle in front of various agents and the smell of deodorant mixed with post-training sweat lingers at the back of the room like a disgusting witch concoction. 

“The annual parade is coming up and since there are a few security threats, SHIELD has been asked to step in. Therefore, all of you will be working security this week, possibly even at the parade.” Murmurs broke out in the room the minute this was said; mostly from first year field agents who were way too excited to have earpieces and fingerless gloves. 

Bucky, on the other hand, doesn’t think much of it. They’ve dealt with threats before, most were declared empty the minute it got out that SHIELD or the Avengers were involved. It’s the 12th one that year. 

“That’s only if we don’t catch it first,” Steve continued. “Our first priority is precaution. The tech and analytics teams are working on it. However, if you see anything suspicious, bring it up with Director Fury. He’s going to be around to make sure we’re not overlooking anything. Do you have any questions?”

More whispers erupted at the mention of Fury’s name. Wait till they realise he lives up to his name when they accidentally manage to set him off just by existing incorrectly.

Bucky smirks at the thought.

“You can leave then.” Steve straightens up as chairs shuffle against the carpeted floor, over twenty people leaving the room.

“And remember, if you see an eagle today, be sure to stand there and thank it on behalf of Steve for its service. Freedom! Liberty! And whatever else,” Tony calls out from the corner of the room, earning a sigh from the captain. Others only snicker as they close the door behind them.

“Thanks.” Steve stares at him stone faced, bemused at the symbolism that had been bestowed upon him.

“Gotta keep the patriotism high.” The only ones that remain are the official team. Bucky thinks that he should have left with the other agents but apparently, it was rude and not a good show of team spirit.

“How serious is this threat anyway?” Clint has his head face down on the table, hand holding his to-go coffee cup so it doesn’t fall over. 

“We’re not sure.” Steve finally takes a seat on the chair in front of him. “It’s the biggest event we’ve had this year, wouldn’t put it past them.”

“If it’s those Welsh kids again, I’m gonna punch a hole through their house this time,” Clint warns, voice muffled through the furniture. 

“It’s not them, we checked.” Nat had her leg up on the armrest of Clint’s chair. “Tech team’s been working overtime to figure it out.”

“You have anything that could help?” Sam sends a nod towards Tony.

“I got a few things but it’d take a while to put it together.” 

“Didn’t you learn quantum physics in a night?” Wanda’s picking apart a cookie into pieces, chewing slowly.

“Thermodynamic astrophysics,” he corrects her. “Quantum science took lesser.”

Bucky scoffs slightly at the brag, eyes still trained on the table in front of him. Maybe if he made no noise, they would forget he’s here.

“Yeah, so this should be a piece’a cake.”  

“If your cake was somehow made out of a highly specified tracker that somehow doesn’t violate the data privacy of the entire world while analysing millions of terabytes worth of information, then yeah. A piece of it.”

“What he means to say-” Bruce interjects, “-is that we’re trying. It’s just taking longer than usual.”

“Well, the parade’s this Sunday. Think it’ll be done by then?”

“Hey FRIDAY,” Tony crosses his arm over his chest. “How many hours have I slept this week?”

“Three and a half, boss.”

“How much more will I be getting?”

“From previous experience, about six.”

“Yeah, we can get it done.” Tony looks back at Steve. 

“Ask someone on the tech team to help you out.” Everyone was well aware of Tony’s bad coping mechanisms and how futile it was to get him to change his mind about it, but they still tried.

“They’re too busy.” Bruce pressed his lips into a straight line. 

Bucky tunes out at this point. If he could help, he would have reluctantly chimed in by now, but he couldn’t. 

“So what now?” Sam rips Clint’s doughnut into two, keeping one half for himself while leaving the other to the latter who still hadn’t lifted his head up from the table.

“I actually asked Fury if I could call in an external to come help,” Tony pipes up. 

“And he agreed?” Nat raised an eyebrow.

“After he realised I wasn’t going to leave his office until he said yes.” He pulled out his phone, rapidly typing out a message before hitting send. “It didn’t take too long.”

“Do we know this person?” Steve asks a little suspiciously.

“Well-” Bruce sneaks a glance at the broody man on the chair, “-kinda.”

Everyone can tell Bucky isn’t paying attention by the way he’s glaring holes into the plant. He doesn’t mean to, it just so happens that it looks like he wants to kill it. Nobody tends to bother him during meetings, knowing well and fully that he did not care.

“You’re about to.” Tony jumps up, making his way to the door to pull it open.

Bucky perks up. An open door means they can leave, right? He can go watch The Bachelor? He’s not sure what everyone was talking about, but if the meeting was over he could go ask Wanda who was always kind enough to help.

“Our newest recruit,” the billionaire announces, quickly adding the next part, “on a trial basis.” 

Bucky looks at the door.

His jaw drops open.

“No,” he says loudly, posture immediately stiff as a plank. 

“Hello to you too, Barnes.” You roll your eyes before sending a small wave to everyone else. “Hey everyone.”

“What are you doing here?” He looks like he’s seething. 

“Don’t tell me you forgot about our date.” You cross your arms over your chest in defiance. “You told me 3 o’clock, you player.”

“What is she doing here?” He whips to Steve for an answer.

“Hey Y/N,” Sam greets with a smile on his face before Steve can reply.

“Sam Wilson, good to see you again.” You grin.

“Right back at ya, sugar.” 

Wanda looks amused, Clint finally lifts his head off the table at the mention of your name while Nat takes her feet off his armrest, and Steve’s body relaxes when he realises what’s going on. 

“Okay.” Tony claps his hand. Bucky shoots daggers at him. “As you all know, this is Y/N. She’s going to working with us this week.”

“This is ridi- how did you even find out about her?”

“Aside from the fact that she’s all you talk about?” Clint snorts. Bucky shifts his glare to him. It was bullshit and an exaggeration and Clint was going to get a shoe up his ass very soon.

Your grin only grows bigger.

“We saw one of the repulsors she made some time ago,” Bruce answers his question like the sane person that he is. “Tony’s had her in mind for a while.”

“Repulsors? How on ear-” Bucky connects two and two together before turning to Sam. “You. You got her this job.”

“Sam’s my best wingman.” You send him a small heart made from your hands. Whether the pun was intentional or not, no one would know.

“Don’t look at me, I had nothing to do with this idea.” Sam raised his hands to brush off the blame.

“You’re a villain,” he points out loudly.

“I’m a saint.” You raise your hand to your heart in mock offence. “I have done nothing wrong in my life, ever.”

“Listen, Robocop,” Tony interrupts your conversation, bringing the attention back to him, “I cleared it with Fury. He’s the boss here.”

“Fury doesn’t know-”

“What don’t I know?” The atmosphere of the room changes the minute he saunters in. 

With an eyepatch on his face, gaze sharp and a long black coat, Nick Fury puts Bucky’s dark outfits to shame. Not like he was competing. 

Bucky doesn’t continue his sentence. Nick’s imposing presence loomed at the doorway, putting a stop to the ridiculous arguments that were beginning to boil. Instead, he looks at you, only to find your attention trained on the man of the hour.

“Nicholas,” you half cheer from where you had shifted to in the middle of all the commotion. 

Nicholas?

Nicholas?

No one had ever called him Nicholas. 

“Y/L/N,” Nick addresses in return. “Been a while.”

“You haven’t come to the lair in months, Nick.” You pout at him. “I even sent you an invite.”

Bucky furrows his eyebrows. Since when are you on such good terms with Fury? Since when was anyone on good terms with Fury?

“It must have gotten lost in the mail,” he fires back, “Or maybe it’s because I just happen to be the busiest man in the damn country. Take your pick.”

You roll your eyes, muttering something under your breath, but the good natured smile on your face shows that you didn’t take any of his passive- or straight up- aggressiveness to heart. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I was interrupting your little tea time.” He looks around the rest of the room with an edge in his voice. “Don’t you all have work to do?”

“We do,” Tony interrupts, holding up his hand before pointing to Bruce and you. “Everyone else just sorta sits around and looks pretty.”

“I’m gonna go talk to the organisers, see what spots are most vulnerable.” Steve stands up. “You coming?”

“Yep,” Sam responds, flicking Clint’s shoulder to drag him along. “Come on, man. When was the last time you took a shower?”

“I’ll go see what the kids are up to in training. They’re probably flying off the handle right now.” Natasha brushes off crumbs from her lap. “Barnes, you in?”

Bucky silently shakes his head, eyes focused on you as you introduce yourself to every Avenger who walks out of the room, sharing a small fist bump with Sam.

“I’ll do it,” Wanda volunteers instead, finally leaving behind only the Science Bros, you and Bucky in the room with Fury. 

“I’ll give you a tour of the lab.” Tony beckons and you nod, following him. “New eyepatch, Fury? Prada, I assume?”

“Stark,” Nick says curtly. 

Bucky stares after you, arms still folded across his chest.

“Any problem, Sergeant?” 

Other than the fact that his arch nemesis was now working with his friends, no, not really. But that did seem like a pretty big one.

“No,” Bucky mumbles instead, getting up from his place finally.

Apparently, no one else was worried about the possibly lethal combination of you and Stark, even with Banner there to dilute it. 

Fine.

Guess he just has to observe you the whole week.

Well, half a week. It was Wednesday. 

He observes inconspicuously over the rim of his coffee cup. He has a newspaper spread in front of him at Bruce’s table. 

It’s not suspicious. He’s been there multiple times to sit in silence with the scientist who occasionally tinkers with something while engaging Bucky in tidbits of conversation. He finds it calming, refreshing even

Today he has an agenda. Everyone knows about it too. 

“You know he’s staring at you, right?” Bruce looks up briefly from the giant blueprint laid in front of the group. 

Tony had been dragged away to get a proper meal into him after he stayed up for 36 hours straight with caffeine keeping his system running. 

“He has a tendency to do that.” You’re looking over the plan the three of you had come up with the day before. There were certain changes to be made in terms of efficiency. “Turns out if you annoy him, he stares harder.”

“We’ve heard about the inventions. Inators, he calls them?”

“Yeah,” you point out something on the sheet, drawing a circle around it to come back to later, “only good things I hope?”

“He doesn’t really talk much.” Bruce writes down a small comment against your arrow mark. “But if he hated them, he’d have a lot to say. So I’d take it as a compliment.”

“Would it annoy him if I did?”

“Probably.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment, then. Pass me the ruler?” You draw a line connecting two pieces. 

Bucky’s ability to lip read is excellent but he refuses to do it, for privacy purposes. He knew that SHIELD had pulled some strings and had another teacher substituting for your classes the whole week since your other option was to come only after school hours. Anything else about this plan was murky.

“You gonna sit there all day?” Tony looks over his shoulder, following his line of sight.

“I’ve done it before.” He continues to look over the newspaper at you with your finger extended at something on the blueprint as you explained something to Bruce.

“You look like- how do I say this nicely.” He wasn’t going to. “A fuckin’ stalker.”

“I’m supposed to stop her from doing anything evil.”

“Sure.” Tony snorts. “That’s what this is. Should I get you a fedora and sunglasses while we’re at it?”

Of course Stark wouldn’t care; he brought you into this project. It was pretty much impossible to get him to agree with Bucky.

Bucky just narrows his eyes and continues his observation. 

The menu of the cafeteria keeps changing. They like to keep things interesting.

Every time they do, Bucky spends too long staring at the menu, trying to figure out what exactly is familiar enough to order. Vietnamese week had him eating pho the entire duration it stayed.

“You plannin’ on eating anytime this century, sarge?” He recognises your voice immediately. 

He knows what time your break is and he knows that you generally eat lunch in the cafeteria with the science team. Generally, the three of you pour over solutions and debate points all through the meal, and he spends the time getting acquainted with his new, lowkey Instagram account. 

He blocks the Bucky Barnes hashtag the minute he gets an account again. God save his eyes from people asking him to break their back like a glow-stick. However, one afternoon of accidentally watching three cat videos has led to his entire explore page being taken over by them and he’s been trying for three days to get it to stop. 

“Just trying to-” he tilts his head. “-understand what I’m reading.”

“Not a big fan of Greek food?” You join him in looking at the menu. 

“Never really had the chance to try.” Tony and Bruce don’t seem to be in the room, probably pushing aside their meal to work on it as they’ve often done.

“Ah.” You already had your order in mind but you wait there. 

Two minutes later he’s still staring at the menu. He can feel your presence next to him, unmoving. It unnerves him.

“Why are you still standing here?” He cranes his neck to look at you.

“I’m just seeing how long it takes for you to order.” You shrug. “So far it’s been five minutes and forty six seconds. Forty eight now.”

“Go away.” The concept of someone standing beside him, waiting for him to do something reminded him far too much of him trying to bag his stuff at the grocery counter rapidly while other customers waited to pay. 

“Six minutes and thirty seconds. This is just sad now.”

“Your face is sad.” It was pathetic that he had now resorted to this.

It earned a laugh from you. 

As entertaining as it was to be able to get on his nerves by just standing silently next to him, you finally ask, “Do you want a recommendation?” 

He eyes you wearily. “You gonna give me food poisoning?” 

“Not today, no.” You shake your head slightly. “Maybe tomorrow.”

He stares a little longer. You remain unshaken in your offer.

“Fine.” He sighs, stepping aside. 

You tell him that since it’s his first time, you’d get him something basic. He thought it made sense. 

He argued with you when you ended up paying for the both of you, only shutting up when you told him he’s holding up the line and that he could pay you back later. It doesn’t stop his incessant mumble complaining. 

He ends up with gyros at his table and you sitting opposite him with your meal. He asks where the Science Bros are. You tell him it’s Science Hoes now, as christened by Tony, and that they’re in the lab.

“So?” You look at him eagerly.

“What?”

“How is it?” you urge, nodding at him.

He takes a cautious bite, really taking his time with it to annoy your impatient ass. 

“Well?” You raise your eyebrow at him.

“It’s-” he pauses, looking down at his food. “-good.”

“Aha.” You lean back victoriously. “Knew it.”

He likes it. He also knows that this is probably going to be the only thing he orders for the next week unless you had planned otherwise. 

“You’re not eating?” He gestures to your untouched tray.

“Taking it up to the lab. Got a few things to work on and we’re already behind.” You gather up your stuff and get up.

“Uh-” he pauses from practically inhaling the entire thing. He was already halfway done with it. “-thanks.”

“No problem. You wink at him. “Try figuring out what’s wrong with it.” 

You turn on your heel to leave, taking your order with you. He can see your shoulders bobbing with silent laughter. 

He stares down at his plate, swallowing slowly. 

He pokes at it with a fork, lifting up the leftovers to check if there’s anything underneath. Nothing. 

He checks to see if his limbs are still intact or his face was a different colour. Nope.

His stomach twists in worry about what’s going to happen. He still has a bit left but he pushes the tray aside.

The rest of the day he spends supervising you has you occasionally catching his eye, only to laugh. It only freaks him out more.

It takes eight hours of waiting and self induced tests later to realise there was nothing wrong with it. You were just playing with him.

He’s surprised to find you in the rec room when he strolls in with Sam, given that you haven’t taken a break all day.

You don’t share the same surprise... almost like you expected him.

“How long have you been waiting for me?” he immediately asks.

"I wasn’t here for you.” You raise an eyebrow at him. “Heard that Wilson was makin’ an appearance here soon so I stopped by to get a good look at him."

"Take a picture, it'll last longer.” Sam laughs, inserting a dollar into the machine and punching in the code for what he wanted.

"Gladly. Strike a pose, would you?" You grin, raising your phone.

“Maybe when I’m not covered in sweat.” Sam counter offers and you accept with a thumbs up.

“You going to the parade, Sam?” You toy with the can in your hands.

“I’ll be working security, so probably.”

“Sarge?” You take a swig of your drink.

“Huh?” He snaps back into the conversation, putting a stop to the mental list of reasons he was making of why you could be here at the same time as him. He knew your schedule, it wouldn’t be very hard for you to figure out his.

“You coming to the parade on Sunday?” you ask again.

“I guess.”

You wince.

“What?” he asks instantly, curiosity making him a lot sloppier than usual.

“It’s just- you wear so much black.” You gesture to his current getup to prove your point. ”I feel like all the bright colours would vaporise you if you looked at them.”

He doesn’t look amused.

“You know, like Prince Philip.”

“I think I’ll be fine.” He gives you a sarcastic smile.

“You comin’ Buck?” Sam laughs, unwrapping the bar he bought from the machine.

“You go ahead, I’ll catch up,” Bucky says offhandedly, still glaring at you innocently drinking your soda.

Sam chews absentmindedly on his protein bar as he walks out, amused at the situation Bucky pulled himself into.

“What’d you do?” Bucky asks, studying your body language.

“I bought a soda.” You lift the can to prove your point. “And now I’m drinking it.”

“Why are you waiting for me?”

“I thought I’d return the favour,” you point out. “I’m supervising you.”

“Don’t.” He walks to the vending machine, pulling out his wallet for some loose change. There was a Snickers bar he had been craving since morning that he bought every alternate day. Small joys.

“Why? I have the time.” You take a sip, setting it down with a clang.

“You’re only here for this week.” Bucky counted the coins he had. He’d use a dollar but he was trying to get rid of the jingling in his pocket that made him sound like a fucking clown when he walked.

“Actually,” you begin innocuously, “Tony offered me a full-time position.”

Bucky’s movements stop, hunched over the money in his palm.

“What?”

“Yeah.” You nod seriously. “A full nine-to-five as a researcher here.”

“And you’re taking it.” He shakes himself out of the minor shock to assess the damage.

“I don’t know. I got a lot of things to consider.” The chair scrapes against the tiled floor as you stand up. “But maybe you should get used to seeing me a lot more around here.”

He punches in the code for his Snickers. The row whirs forward slowly.

“See you at the lab.” He hears you discard the empty can in the trash before exiting.

He waits patiently for his bar to drop while his mind internally screams about the consequences of having you work here. You wouldn’t be evil anymore. Unless you were here to steal secrets from the Tower. On the pro side, his weekend would be free again. On the con side, his weekend would be free again.

His bar stops right at the edge of the row. He waits for it to fall over. It doesn’t.

He shakes the machine, suppressing the primal urge to beat the shit out of it when the damn bar refuses to fall.

He punches in a few random buttons hoping that at least it would give his money back.

The little monitor instead flashes a new message across the screen.

‘Have a good day, sarge <3’

Motherfucker.

Captain America looks less daunting up close, you realise. But he is still a very large man with very large shoulders. You know at least four people who would like to scale him like a tree, not that you’d ever tell him.

“Hey, Y/N.” He sends you a small smile when you walk into the room for a mid-week update. A clipboard in your hand, report attached and a few stationery items in case some points needed to be noted done, you look professional and ready.

“Afternoon, Captain.” Tony saves a seat for you and Bruce beside him since you’re on the same project. You almost miss the fact that Bucky isn’t in the room.

He walks in a few minutes late; tall, dark and brooding, immediately bringing the excitement in the room down by 40% by just existing. 

Bucky surveys the room before catching your eye. He picks up his chair with ease and drags it over to where you are, sitting right beside you, ignoring the small cry of protest from an agent whose view he now obstructed. Everyone else just silently shifted over.

“Clingy much?” you whisper at him, eyes still trained on Steve who had waited till everyone was seated to continue.

“I’m supposed t’be keeping an eye on you,” he rebuffs in a hush.

“Well, you’re late. What if I went rogue, huh?”

“Therapy ran overtime,” he mumbles.

“Oh.” You blink. “How was it?”

“Same old.”

“You good?”

He refrains from answering when Steve starts addressing the room but yes, he was fine. He sends you a nod to confirm. 

“This is just a usual checking in. We’ve received all your reports, but just to keep everyone on the same page-”

Bucky logs out mentally. He knows what his job is, he’ll probably lead a division of the security team or join the mission to neutralise the threat in case they find it first. Either way, he’ll figure it out without having to listen to an intern nervously stammer their way through their team’s report. 

On the other hand, you’re not listening either. You were until you saw Bucky’s eyes glaze over while glowering at the window, assuming that he had stopped paying attention when his gaze doesn’t shift.

You should be listening. You’re new here and you should know what’s going on because any bits of detail are crucial to the working of your system. 

Instead, you rip out a sticky note and discreetly place it on the back of Bucky’s metal arm. He doesn’t notice.

You bite your lip to stop yourself from smiling. More post-its from your pile of stationery make their way onto the vibranium, shades of pink, purple, green and yellow decorating his arm like a bulletin board. 

You’re about to contemplate sticking one on his shoulder blade when he whips around to look at you. You freeze, hand in the air with a sticky note. He looks down at his arm, a scoff escaping him in disbelief. 

“Are you serious?” He twists his arm to check the extent of how far you’ve gone. “What are you, six?”

“How’d it take you so long to notice?” You watch as he tugs them off one by one, counting to see how many you had managed to get on there.

“It’s impossible not to zone out in these shitty meetings,” he mumbles, pulling off the last one, crumpling all of them into a ball to throw at you. You skilfully avoid them. 

“Don’t you feel pressure or heat or anything here?” You poke at his metal arm.

“No.” He clenches and releases the fist. “It can block bullets though.”

You snort. “Bet that’s a popular line in bed.”

He rolls his eyes. “I mean, it helps that I can’t feel anything. Sometimes,” he adds the last part as an afterthought. 

“Like when you’re blocking bullets.”

“Especially then.” He nods. 

“Would you ever want to?” you ask casually. “Like if you got the choice, would you prefer having feeling in that arm?”

“I don’t know.” He’s thought about it, but it doesn’t seem feasible in his line of work. He’d like it, though, to feel sand slipping through his fingers and the comforter under his palm. “Maybe when I’m retired.”

“Aren’t you well past that age?”

“Shut up.” He rolls his eyes. “And pay attention. You’re next.”

“So you are listening.” True to his word, Steve asks about what’s going on with your team. “Traitor.” 

Tony shoots off about how you only had to test it out on a small batch first to see if you could acquire the targeted data without compromising anything else. You chime in about a few specifics, and Bruce more or less just confirms what you both are saying, only stopping to let them know that you’d be finished in a day or two.

Steve nods, moving on to the next committee.

“Did I get a good grade?” you whisper when you lean back again.

“B minus at best.” 

“Fuck you, dude. I was great,” you protested. “It’s definitely worth a gold sticker.”

Someone shushes you sharply. You apologise quietly, whacking Bucky’s metal arm when you see a dumb smirk on his face. 

He narrows his eyes at you. 

You try sticking another post-it on him.

You’re only here for a week. That’s what he’s been told. Over six times, actually, after which he’s been told to go away the next time he asked.

No one’s brought up the job offer so he asks Tony if it was true and all he gets is a dismissive ‘yeah, whatever’. Besides, you haven’t told him if you accepted or denied it yet so isn’t sure if this entire thing is set in stone, per se.

So then why do you have a giant box of your belongings that you’re lugging around the lab, looking to set down?

And why does Tony allow you a table right in the centre of the lab for everyone to see as soon as they walk in?

There are a gazillion trinkets, picture frames and obnoxiously bright stationery that stands out against the dull minimalism of the lab.

“Every single one of these is a fire hazard,” he reports, standing over your desk.

You give him a side glance before reaching over to the side of your desk, pulling up a fire extinguisher and setting it on the table in front of him. “I came prepared, bitch boy.”

He doesn’t dignify that with a response. He chooses to look at what exactly you’ve brought with you because it’s a lot.

There are small cards with ‘thank you!’ sprawled on them in uneven lettering, bits and pieces of paper with small cartoons on them, little clay models and other miniature trophies with ‘you’re the best!’ under it.

“Your students gave you these?” He can’t remember the last time he gave his teacher anything other than a headache.

“Sometimes they learn or communicate better when they have something to keep their hands busy.” There’s a certain fondness in your voice that he isn’t used to hearing. “I end up with a lot of doodles and craft.”

“’s nice of them.” He can tell that this means a lot to you. He hasn’t seen it before.

He thinks the little decorations are adorable and maybe he’d keep another fire extinguisher on hand, just in case. 

Until you start pulling out a set of framed photos and his smile drops.

Several collages of Bucky in flower crowns, him with terribly edited backgrounds of beaches and mountains, a photo of him laughing with ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ next to it in an italicised font.

“What the fuck,” he states, grabbing one of them.

You stifle a laugh, pulling out several more to place along your table.

“Where did you fucking get these?” He starts pulling them off the table one by one.

“I don’t think you know how much the internet is obsessed with you.” You set an especially large one of him in a Hello Kitty bowtie right in the centre. He doesn’t miss the star shaped frame you chose for this.

“What is wrong with you?” He swipes that up immediately, looking for a place to discard, possibly burn these pictures. “Why do you even have these?”

“It’s imperative that people know we’re friends.” You bite your lip, bringing out the last thing to annoy him.

“What is that?” A teddy bear with a blue jacket and a grey felt arm stared into his soul.

“A Bucky bear.” Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh. “Limited edition.”

He snatches it along with the fifteen other picture frames, thinly veiled distress and mostly disgust on his face.

“I hate you.”

“But I love you.” You lift the small heart shaped locket you hung on one of the pictures of your class.

You use both your hands to click it open for him, watching his face morph into one of disbelief.

Bucky my beloved, it read on the right with a small picture of him on the left looking intensely disgruntled. He doesn’t bother asking where you found that specific picture of him outside a Burger King at 3am.

He doesn’t even make an effort to take it away this time. He knows that you’ll simply bring up more and more until you drove him crazy.

“You still have to see the Avengers calendar.” You reach for the inside. “I changed all the pictures to you, it looks great-”

He turns around and leaves before you get a chance to flip open the pages.

He wanders around, looking for the best disposal area he can find. He knows there’s a giant fireplace in the common room in the Tower, and for that, he’d have to go up a couple of floors.

He steps into the elevator, chin pressing down on the several picture frames in his hands to prevent them from falling over.

No one sees him carrying a couple of fan edited pictures and merchandise of him. Which was good.

Unfortunately, the doors ding open on the next floor and his best friend steps on with possibly the worst timing ever.

“Buck?” Steve sounds confused. He should be, considering the sight.

Bucky shimmies slightly to get a better grip on his belongings. “Steven.”

Steve glances at what he’s holding.

“Is this,” Steve pauses, trying to frame his words correctly to sound as supportive as possible, “a therapy thing?”

“No.”

Steve waits for a further explanation.

“It’s Y/N’s,” he elucidates. Steve’s eyebrows furrow.

“Why are there so many pictures of you?” He looks at the content in his hands a little closer. “And a bear.”

“She’s evil. And I hate her.”

“Alright.” It doesn’t answer his question but his friend looks irked enough.

The elevator dings to the common room floor.

Bucky turns on his heel to head toward the place to set all the pictures on fire. He saves the picture frames to give back to you though, he’s sure those cost money. But he makes sure every last square inch of the picture with several hearts around his portrait burns to ash.

Bucky knows that by the time Saturday afternoon rolls around, the three of you would have been working for thirty hours straight, scrambling to get the last minute details done.

You’re still at it but he can tell through the adrenaline of the upcoming deadline that you’re exhausted. 

Now he’s grouchy but he’s not an asshole. He’s already done two coffee runs for the team and brought you food when you didn’t show up for lunch. He mumbles something and dismisses it when you call out a ‘thank you’ his way. He considers it a debt repaid for the gyros.

He’s still keeping an eye on you but along with an emergency box of doughnuts for any sugar rushes that may be needed and bottles of water that he occasionally leaves at the corner of the table for you three to subconsciously keep yourself hydrated. 

“Are you sure we checked it?”

“Yes.” Bruce nods.

“Double checked it?”

“Yes.”

“Triple checked it.”

“Yes.” 

You look satisfied enough to move on to the next item. “Pass me the welding torch for a second.”

Bucky has a book in front of him that he hasn’t moved beyond the second page of. He’s more interested in seeing who collapses from burnout first. He has the infirmary on speed dial. 

After another hour or so Tony holds up a silver tablet, roughly the same size as a smartphone, examining it from all sides.

“That’s it,” he states. “The final product.”

You exhale lightly.

“We should name it.” You have your hands on your hips, looking down at it in wonder. Maybe the zero hours of sleep was finally kicking in because you couldn’t believe you were finally done. 

“You got any suggestions?” Tony asks. 

To be frank, no, you didn’t.

“No.”

“Okay, we’ll do that later.” Tony sets it down, not sounding too disappointed. “F.R.I.D.A.Y, tell the team to get down here, please.”

“Yes, boss.”

Bucky jumps off his chair to join you in the lab, leaving the book behind. 

It only takes a few moments for the others to join. Fury and Steve walk in together, already engaged in conversation.

“Greetings.” You clap your hands together. “We did it. We think.”

“We think?” Nick raises an eyebrow.

“We know,” Bruce clarifies quickly, stepping in. “We’re positive it works. We tested it out.”

Tony pulls up the holograph of F.R.I.D.AY’s system, sliding the tablet to the middle of the table.

“Is it secured under FRIDAY’s core?”

“Locked and loaded.” Tony hits the table lightly to signify that it was safe.

“I think we’re ready,” Bruce confirms.

“We better be, or else half the country is suddenly going to lose their internet connection,” you say under your breath.

“What?” Bucky’s eyebrows knit together.

“Nothing,” you beamed, “Okay F.R.I.D.A.Y., run sequence, global parameter.”

“Running sequence,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. parrots. 

There was no going back now. 

From what Bucky can see, Tony looks fairly confident but you have your bottom lip caged between your teeth, chewing on it nervously. 

There are several hundreds of photographs popping up and disappearing within a minute. Everything looks like it’s going according to plan.

The giant holograph of the AI dims. Your face drops when F.R.I.D.A.Y. seems to sputter to a halt. 

No one breathes.

In the midst of the tension, Clint mutters if they should play some background music. It’s followed by a swift ‘ow’ when Natasha flicks him in the shoulder.

You could hear a pin drop.

It suddenly picks back up again, running faster than the last time and the sigh everyone collectively heaves is almost comical.

It runs for a few seconds more before a list of names suddenly pop up accompanied by a series of photographs and geo locations.

“Sequence complete. Six names detected, zero encroachment on public or private databases,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. broadcasted. “Location determined to be Holland. Exact coordinates are computed into the quinjet.”

You let out a small cheer, looping your arm around Bruce, squeezing him in a half hug. He has a smile on his face, dropping his head as he laughs slightly. 

“How dangerous are they?” Tony, however, continues to ask.

“A few prior convictions and a series of similar threats. Danger level determined to be at approximately five out of ten.” 

“That’s not bad,” Steve commented. “Looks like we don’t need the full team there.”

“Romanoff, Barton, Wilson, Rogers can go ahead and take care of that,” Nick finally spoke up. “Everyone else is working security tomorrow, just in case anyone else decides that terrorism is on their fuckin’ to-do list for the day.”

“Buck, assemble a team and go over strategy for tomorrow,” Steve adds on. “Everyone else go suit up, wheels up in thirty minutes.” 

“Fuckin’ Holland,” Sam scoffs, shaking his head. “Of all the places.” 

“What do you have against Holland?” Nat asks as they leave together.

“Just don’t like ‘em.” Their voices grow faint the further they get.

“Hey.” A small greeting from behind you has you turning around.

Wanda stands in front of you and you have to ignore the fact that the most powerful being on Earth is talking to you. 

“Hey,” you say back.

“I just wanted to say congratulations. You did a great job.” Bits and pieces of her accent poked out. She didn’t seem like she was putting in the effort to cover it up as opposed to the press interviews you had heard a few years ago. 

“Thank you.” You smile. “T’was a team effort.”

“Well, we owe you one anyway,” Steve joins the conversation, leaving aside Tony who was still talking to Bruce.

“I wish I was humble enough to turn it down but I’m not.” You laugh. “It’s nice to have an arsenal of superheroes at my disposal.”

Steve looks like he’s going to respond but his attention is drawn towards F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s announcement that the quinjet was ready to go. He shoots you an apologetic look but you sign for him to go on, you’d meet with him later.

You watch as he claps Tony on the back, telling him to go get some sleep and something with more nutritional value than a pizza pocket in him, nodding at Bruce before taking leave. 

“Y/L/N,” Nick stands beside you, looking ahead at the conversations being had as Steve tugs Clint along with him.

“Nicky,” you tease.

“I know at least seven underground prisons I can put you in if anyone hears you calling me that,” he says stoically. 

“We all know you won’t get rid of me.” You shake your head. “Who’s gonna send you a Christmas card then, huh?”

He simply shakes his head, jutting his hand out and offering a handshake. “Not sure anyone here could handle another day of a highly caffeinated, sleep-deprived Stark.”

“Just say ‘thanks’, Nick, geez.” You roll your eyes. 

Bucky watches the entire interaction unfurl; only the body language, not employing the lip-reading ability. 

“You’re welcome.” You let go of his hand, a devilish look on your face. “You know what I want in return.”

Nick gives you a long, hard stare that could probably melt through Steve’s shield before turning around to leave. 

But Bucky doesn’t miss the subtle high-five he gives you while walking out, unbeknownst to anyone else, bringing the biggest grin to your face.

He makes it a point to ask you what the fuck kind of leverage you have over the man for him to play favourites with you. 

You finally collapse at your desk, letting out a loud exhale. You clench your eyes shut, your body finally melting into your chair. You look exhausted.

He’s not sure how to help. You don’t seem like you have the energy to tell him.

Bucky leaves a doughnut and water bottle on the table in front of you before shuffling out of the room quietly. 

He’s certain that he’s spent far too long in Bruce’s lab this week. He liked the man as much as the next guy, but he probably wouldn’t come down there for the foreseeable future. 

You’re at your assigned desk, reading light illuminating the space. Thankfully you’ve cleared up most of your stuff from the table, leaving no more liabilities to fall over in case he walked into the desk. 

“So you’re done for the week.” His voice surprises you. You were scrolling through your phone, slightly hunched over.

“It appears so.” You put your phone down, swivelling the chair to look at him. 

“How’d it go?” He leans against your table, making sure he isn’t using his full weight.

“Well, I slept for fifteen hours straight, so...” you leave him to connect the dots. He’s done the same several times.

“You’re probably gonna need more,” he says, mostly from his own experience, “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Actually-” you reach beside your table and lug your gigantic box of belongings onto the table with a loud thud, “-you won’t.”

He looks at the box that was nearly overflowing with its contents, the majority of the space being taken up by empty picture frames. “I thought you said Tony offered you a job.” 

“He did,” you confirm. “I didn’t accept.”

“Why?” He watches you shift through a few things, adjusting it so that it wouldn’t fall over.

“This whole thing- it’s cool and all, but it’s not what I want to do.” You shrug. “I like teaching. I miss my class.”

He gaze lands on one of the thank you notes sticking out from the corner of the box. “Ah.”

“Back to school from tomorrow.”

“And evil on the weekends?” he prods, dropping a pen into the heap of stationery. 

“Obviously.” You give him a lopsided smile. “Where else am I gonna use all this brilliance?”

You point to your head. He lets out a small exhale in the form of a laugh.

“Speaking of-” You look like you just remembered something.  

You rummage through your backpack and pull out a small container, handing it to him.

“What’s this?” He turns it over, looking for any hidden clues. “Are you proposing again, because I’ve said no-”

“I’m not proposing,” you interrupt, “yet.”

He gives you a deadpan look.

“Open it,” you urge, and he complies.

Two small squares sit side-by-side. They’re slick black, barely bigger than the face of a dice.

“You put one of them here-” You tap on his bicep “-and the other here.” You tap his shoulder, a few inches below his clavicle.

“What does it do?” He thinks it’s like Nat’s little taser things, a nifty little tool that he could use on missions.

“It, uh-” you hesitate “-it allows you to feel sensation in your metal arm. Heat, pressure, texture.”

His breath hitches in his throat. He doesn’t mean for it to happen, it just does.

“You said that sometimes you’re glad you couldn’t because of the bullets and stuff. They’re detachable, so just take them off when you go on missions and wherever it is you Spandex ambassadors go.” You scoff slightly. 

He can’t remember the last time he felt something soft with that arm or used it for something that wasn’t directly related to his job.  

“I’m not messing with what the Wakandans gave you. It’s the most advanced piece of tech out there.” You shrug. “But if you ever want to feel it when someone attaches sticky notes to your arm, this could work. Just thought it’d be nice to have an option.”

He can’t decipher what he’s feeling right now. He looks up at you, only to catch you eyeing him cautiously, assessing his reaction. When you notice he’s looking at you, a nervous smile makes its way onto your face. 

His stomach does a flip. 

“Thank you,” he says quietly. 

“Don’t mention it.” You sound a little relieved, picking up the box that he’s pretty sure weighed a ton what with all his memorabilia in it. “See you next week.”

He doesn’t know how to explain what it means to him. 

Instead, he shoves his hands into his pockets. “What are you doing later?”

“Nothing.” You pause. “Why?”

“Are you gonna watch the parade?” 

“Yeah, probably.” You shift your weight to your other leg to compensate for the box.

“Want some company?”

“Aren’t you heading a security division?” You have to consciously hide the bewilderment from your voice. 

“Yeah. The place I’m stationed just so happens to have a good look into the street,” he explains, toying with the bracelet on his wrist. “Can’t really promise that I’ll be paying attention to it or that I’d even be there the whole time but for the most part...” he trails off. 

“Uh-” You force yourself to shove aside your surprise at his determination, “yeah, sure. That’d be cool.”

He nods. “Okay. See you there.” 

“See you,” you murmur as you walk to the elevator. 

He opens the tiny container to look at the small chips. They’re still there, silently like they don’t change his world just by existing. 

Gosh.

Next part

[bowieandqueen11]

Hello Lovely!!!

1. CONGRATS !! you absolutely deserve every single one of your followers and everything that you have. your writing is amazing and every time i see you come up on my feed, it makes my day brighter and better. you are so amazing <3

2. I'm not sure if I made it but if so a matthew murdock drabble would be fantastic. If not, I just hope you have an amazing day and week <333

Little Talks / Matt Murdock Drabble

Lyric: So hold my hand, I’ll walk with you my dear.

Eeeeee thank you so so much that's so kind of you I'm legit tearing up right now :') I'm so thankful for all you guys and all your support!! <3

(I do not own Daredevil or its characters, all rights go to creators. Song credit goes to Of Monsters and Men. Gif credit goes to @marvelsdefenders.)

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°

Screaming. All you could hear was screaming.

In total, it took you less than fifteen seconds to unlock the door, dump your grocery bags on the floor and run over to your boyfriend who was currently curled up against the wall. A few oranges rolled past your feet as you crouched down beside him, but you just kicked them out of the way and past the counter.

‘Hey, hey! Matthew, it’s alright, it’s alright. It’s me- it’s just me.’

Yet the shouting doesn’t stop. Instead, his eyes seem to grow even wider, flitting around the room in growing fear as he feels someone gently touch the top of his bicep. He flinches, readying himself to flex his arms out and take a hit at whoever had broken in, until he finally recognises your slender fingers run over his fists. Unfurling them, he takes a shuddering breath as you raise them to your cheeks and allow him to run his stout, trembling fingers over your cheeks.

His fingers are so gentle, so so gentle against your nose, your chin, the curve of your nose, it nearly breaks your heart as he starts crying. When he finally reaches up to chart the sides of your forehead, you can hear his breathing start to even out. If there was one thing Matthew Murdock knew by heart after all these years - if there was one thing etched into every crevice of his mind, every tearing hole in his soul, it was the expanse of your face.

'I-I can't hear anything, Y/n', his hoarse voice shakes out. He's so quiet you can barely him, but you grip onto his forearms anyway in a feeble attempt to reassure him. 'I can't hear anything.'

Trying to calm his nerves in any way you can, you reach up with your thumb and tenderly try to wipe away some of the blood dripping out of his nostril and down onto his gasping lips. He grabs onto your waist, fingers digging in so tightly to your flesh that you’re sure that they’ll leave bruises tomorrow, but you don’t mind. 

‘Here, here it’s okay, I’ve got you’, you whisper anyway, sure that he can understand as you reach down and unlatch himself from you. Cradling his hands in yours, he nods in your direction, although he’s still nervously twitching his head from side to side. Intertwining your fingers, you feel him fall against your stomach until he’s nearly leaning his full weight against you. Muscled shoulders rest against your own, his head falling down into your neck. He’s squished his face in so far you’re sure he can’t breath, but still he wraps himself around you.

Carding your fingers through his short strands, you hear him begin to sob warm tears into your side as you curl your hand against the nape of his neck.

‘It’s okay Matt, I’ve got you - for once, let me look after you.’

[goldenhypen]

it’s this blog’s one year anniversary 🥹🫶🏻

happy one year y’all !! ah, wow, so many things have happened over this past year ,,, it honestly feels like i’ve been on here forever with you guys as almost another family to come to at the end of the day to listen to all my rambling about my love for jake haha (i’m half kidding) but, you guys, i’m rlly, rlly thankful for y’all. you’ve shown me sm love over this past year, more than i could’ve ever imagined. this blog has been growing crazy fast, and in just one year, with close to around 115 works (how ???) we’ve already hit 3.23k followers (hOW ??!?) !! that’s absolutely insane and incredible and i just wanna give a huge shout out and this is my shout out- to you all for making this such a fun experience and for reading and enjoying and showing love to my works, but also me as a person. i’m so grateful, and i will make an effort to work even harder in the future to repay you guys <3

ah, i’ve met so many incredible ppl along the way as well, and i wanna take this time to thank some of them, however, bc there’s just so many amazing ppl i’ve met, and you all are so special to me and have made my time on here so enjoyable, i unfortunately can’t name them all, but to just a few who have made my time on here particularly special…

[ @heeracha ] — rey <3 omg have we been through a lot ,,, i honestly can’t exactly remember how it was that we became moots (ew the term ‘moots’ sounds weird using it with you since we’re sm closer than just ‘moots’ but anyway). i think we ended up liking a bunch of each other’s works and interacting that way ,, and wow i wouldn’t have ever imagined that the talented enha/skz writer i found on the internet one day would become someone i would talk to every single day and that i’d gain a best online friend out of it <3 ,, you’ve read through paragraphs of me talking about jake, and encouraged my simping, all the way to encouraging me in real life situations, and have comforted me when i felt discouraged. it’s amazing how we can go on talking for—it’s almost been a year now, and we still talk every day. so yeah ,, thank you ,, i can’t imagine my life without you, and you’ve changed it for the better <3 ,,,, and ,, i’m sorry for not giving you your hee pics yesterday. i’ll give them to you after this though ig 🙄😔 ,,,, hehe i love you rey 🫶🏻

[ @ethereal-engene ] — ash <3 words cannot describe just how thankful i am for you. we have sm fun simping over not just jakehoon and the rest of enha but also our svt boys <33 and i don’t get to do that with moots on here v offen and so hehe i’m v grateful <3 but aside from just being friends who fangirl over boys tgt, you have also always been there for me and looked out for me and have been so understanding and supportive of me, and i always have sm fun talking to you, and you never fail to put a big, fat smile on my face. like you said, you’re basically like an older sister to me <33 you’ve become someone v special to me here, ash, and i hope we stay friends for a v long time <3 i’m so grateful for you, ash, and i have sm love in my heart for you. thank you for everything <333

[ @tyunni ] — may <3 ahhh may omg i’m trying to think of how i even met you and how we first interacted but for some reason, no matter how much i try to think, i srsly can’t remember ??? sksjs maybe you can help jog my memory 😭 but anyways, thank you for all the fun and amazing memories. we’ve shared so many deep conversations that i have never had with anyone else on here before, and even though we haven’t been friends for a year yet, i feel like we’ve known each other for sm longer (and i mean that in all the best ways). you’re my fav riki simp that i can always go to and share delulus with <//3 and just ,, you’ve put so many smiles on my face over this past year with all the things we talk about, and i’ve also never had anyone reblog works with as encouraging messages as you have, and now i take that with me and do the same to others so that hopefully i can put just as wide of a smile on their faces as you have mine. i’ve learned sm from you, but this is just one of the many <3 anyway, i can go on and on about just how grateful i am for you, but hopefully this gives a little bit of an idea <3 love you sm, may <3

[ @sultrybaby ] — kel <3 oh how less joyful my time on here would be without you :’) you’re such a fun and thoughtful person, and i’m truly grateful that i’ve had you with me on this journey. i legit can’t even picture this place without you. idk if you know just how caring and encouraging and understanding you are to not only me but also to lots of other on here. we’ve shared so many deep convos with one another, and i’m grateful that you’ve always been here for me when i need it. you’ve put countless smiles on my face, and you’re someone i think of every day, and i adore you and only wish the best for you. you’re such a supportive friend that i can relate to on so many levels, and i just wanna thank you for all the invaluable memories we’ve created. love you sm, kel <333

[ @kpophubb ] — my lovely mia <3 my angel !! mia you are the sweetest, most thoughtful and caring person on this site :( truly, i wanna thank you for everything :( thank you for being there for me and supporting me and encouraging me and for showing me so much love throughout my time on here. i think you were my first moot who was a fellow jakey stan, and it’s been so fun fangirling tgt. mia, you’re one of the most thoughtful ppl i’ve met on this site, and i aspire to be like you in that way. i’m so grateful for you, and i hope we can be friends for a vv long time 🥺 i’ve watched you grow and overcome sm, and i’m so proud of you, mia, for everything <3 stay happy, love bc you deserve nothing but the best. i love you 🥹🫶🏻

[ @sungbeam ] — beam, my twin <3 omg i wish we became friends sooner 😭 like ik you interacted with me first but ugh the fact that i knew of your existence for a while before then, and i should’ve just reached out 😭 it’s the introvert em coming out 😬😭 but omg when i found out that we share sooo much in common, i obviously immediately felt so connected to you already, and it was so cool. i’m so happy we have sm to connect on and that we can go to each other to fangirl about so many things and just talk about all the things we share in common but also the things we differentiate on so that we can learn from each other too :) also ,, kinda random but i’m also rlly glad i found your blog bc i rlly, rlly enjoy reading your works bc they’re some of the most well-written works i’ve read on here, and i honestly aspire to write like you lol ,, but ahem anyways :D thanks, beam, for all the fun memories so far ,, i can’t wait for what the future holds and to make even more memories tgt <3 i love you <3

[ @ljeyes / @enhasfever ] — ari <3 i don’t want this to make you feel pressured to return anytime soon, but it would feel wrong leaving you out of this post since you’ve made such a huge impact on my life here on this blog. you were my first ever moot on here, and i remember reading your works and just being stunned by your style and talent ,,, still to this day, almost whenever i read any fics on here, i think of you and still just wonder how anyone could be so talented. like i still look up to you sm. you’re like an older sister to me and a role model, and i’ve learned sm from you. you’ve provided me with so many fun memories, and ahhh omg i miss you sm :(((( come back 🥺 jk i already told you i don’t want this to pressure you, but ah i rlly, rlly miss you, ari :( i hope you’re doing well :( thank you for being one of my best friends on here :( i love you so much, and truly, thank you for everything you’ve done for me <333

these got so long, i got so carried away ahaha as i write this it’s now already 2:30 am- oops lol i wasn’t even planning on writing individual messages for all y’all but it felt wrong not including them, so ,, yeah. in other words though, if the messages were too long ,, i love you guys and it’s rlly hard to put into just one paragraph how grateful i am for you 🥹🫶🏻

but anyways, this and sm more has happened within just one year of me being here ,, it makes me wonder what else awaits in the future and what new things i’ll experience and who else i’ll meet this upcoming year <3

anyway, i’m still at it, and y’all have helped me stay motivated and to keep on writing, and so thank you for all your support and kind words. i see and read every single one of them <3 you all have helped me grow confidence and challenged me to write a lot this past year, but it’s been rlly good <3

sending you each the fattest virtual hug rn <33 thank you for one fantastic year, you guys <3 it makes me infinitely more excited for the next <3

[justanamesstuff]

The intimacy of being understood

Epilogue

Matty Healy x f!reader

A/N: Okay, wasn't planning on posting today or any day soon...here we are though haha. This is the end guys :(( and its also a good bye for a while...I'll still be here to chill and chat but not writing, I'm already missing it a lot. Thanks again and again and FOREVER for all the support you all always give me, means the absolute world to me <333 Happy reading!

Warnings: just FLUFF AND LOVE (i think we all need a bit of that haha), typos.

Word count: 1.4 K

Blog Masterlist Series Masterlist

Epilogue 

The summer breeze messed with Y/n’s locks, even though that didn’t disturb her slumber. Matty ran a hand softly through the strands of hair falling on his lap. His sight admired the lake in front of them and the sun reaching every corner of the park except the place they chose for a break during that summer day. 

Matty stared at the broken light –getting through the leaves of the tree above them– playing on his girlfriend’s face. His factions softened when his eyes traced every part of her beautiful face. She had fallen asleep shortly after they arrived, and he started reading out loud for her. When she proposed the idea, Matty protested saying how cheesy it was, although she only had to flutter her eyelashes and he started clearing his throat before pronouncing the first word of the book Y/n selected. 

The singer's calloused hands touched slightly her forehead, drawing lines along the skin, then her nose, to finish caressing the apple of her cheeks. ‘I’m a lucky bastard’, Matty thought.

After a few minutes, Y/n protested, still partially asleep, “Mmm.” she mumbled, but Matty didn’t stop.

Y/n blinked her eyes open, looking up at her boyfriend’s face, meeting his eyes. She groaned due to tiredness overtaking her senses. The quick action made Matty laugh.

“Hey, sleepy.” he whispered, feeling another breeze of air surrounding them.

Matty’s girlfriend let herself enjoy his touch, still on her face. “I’m sorry.” Y/n apologized. “Your voice and the weather are just too good.”

“Happy to help, my love.” he smiled down at her, even when her eyes were still closed. 

Y/n felt her stomach move a little, and her hand instantly went to rest over her growing belly. She loved Matty with all her heart. Those simple moments of peace together were everything Y/n wanted to cherish for the rest of their lives. The intimacy they built during the past year and a half was their biggest treasure until she arrived.

When she moved looking for a better position since her back started hurting, Matty helped her. Y/n ended up sitting on his lap, with her back meeting his front. Matty’s hands met on Y/n front, caressing the skin under her blouse. 

“How much did I sleep?” Y/n ask, resting her head on his shoulder. 

Matty answered right away, “Probably half an hour.” 

“How long until you noticed?”

“Five minutes.” he chuckled. 

“Matty!”

“Don’t look at me. You looked too peaceful to wake you up, baby. Besides, you haven’t slept that well in days.”

He was the sweetest man walking the earth. Y/n took his free hand, lifting it until her lips left multiple kisses on the back of it. 

“She’s being a little troublemaker already.” Matty teased.

“Mhm.”

“You’re never this tired when i fuc-”

“Matty!” Y/n protested, turning as best as she could, looking at his face. “Do I have to remind you how did I get…?

“Yes, please. I want a step by step manual of everything we did-”

Y/n frowned, saying, “Shut up.”

“I love you.” Matty replied, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, making her heart melt. 

The singer’s girlfriend let herself lean forward, encountering him in a sweet kiss. 

After a few minutes and multiple kisses, Y/n pushed back, “I need to drop by the shop.” Matty frowned listening to her say that. “New delivery.” she clarified.

“You can do it tomorrow. I’ll help you.”

“I’ve already told Kate to help me.”

“Cheater.”

“You can help too.” she reassured him.

“I can see how this is going to be. Me doing all the hard work and you two ogling over me.”

“Excuse me?” 

“I have a nice butt.” Matty shrugged his shoulders.

“...now.” Y/n added.

The singer groaned loudly, “I forbid Kate to show you those pictures.”

“Love, she doesn’t hear us, and besides I have a phone.” 

“Oh, do you have a Pinterest board for me?” he giggled his eyebrows. ‘He can be so annoying sometimes’, she thought. 

“I don’t like you.” Y/n breathed out.

Surprising Matty and herself, Y/n stood up rather quickly with little problems due to her current state. She whipped her hands on the back of her jeans, looking down at Matty. He reached up, touching her belly again. The man was obsessed with it.

“How’s it called?” Matty continued messing with her. 

“Asshole.” Y/n whispered, making him laugh.

The singer moved his other hand into the air, making a weird voice, “Matty, my perfect boyfriend.”

“Bye!” the woman simply said, starting to walk away.

“Baby!”

*****

Matty was at the top of the stairs, a few books resting on his arm between his chest and his bicep. Meanwhile, Y/n stood at the bottom of the stairs, being unable to do the job that was needed. Her hands rested on the small part of her back, she was very sore. The sight above her was a nice reassurance, though.

“You lucky girl.” 

Kate’s voice came from behind her head. Her best friend took place beside her, her eyes glutted to Matty’s body, exactly how Y/n had been doing moments before.

“Shush.” she said after a quick glance. 

Matty stretched far from the stairs, putting the last book on the shelf. “And…done!” 

The singer looked down, expecting to see only Y/n there. He got a little stunned when two pairs of eyes were staring at him and not exactly his work. But his mood quickly changed to a smugly one. 

“Liking the view, guys?” he asked.

“Yep.” Kate admitted with zero shame on her tone. 

Matty snorted, “Didn’t you have a girlfriend?”

“Didn’t you have one?”

“Mhm, she lets her crazy friend look at my ass.”

“I own it.” Y/n stated.

“You do.”

Kate looked between them, “You two are gross.” 

“And yet you stare at my ass.” Matty said coming down.

“I can appreciate art when I see it.”

It was Y/n’s time to protest, “Kate!”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcomed.” Matty thanked Y/n’s friend, standing closer to his girlfriend, reaching for her belly once more. 

“Am I bothering you guys? Should I leave?” Y/n joked.

Kate rolled her eyes. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on you, Y/n.” 

“Funny ha-ha.”

“I should leave, though.” 

Kate explained to them, grabbing her back, that it was at the other side of the shop, although she returned. Y/n watched her kneeled down, whispering silly things to her belly, ending with a sweet kiss. 

“Vick is waiting for me.” Kate continued the conversation as if nothing happened in between.

Matty whistled, gaining a stern look from her. 

“He’s lucky to have nice buttocks.” Kate said directly to her friend. “Bye.”

After the door closed, Matty went directly to the big couch, plopping down with a big huff. He opened his arms wide, searching for Y/n’s eyes. She was already staring at him. 

“Baby…” he started. She knew that tone. 

“No, I still have work.” Y/n started turning around, but not two steps before he pushed her towards the couch. 

Mayhem who was on the other couch, tired by the intense heat, opened and closed his eyes, annoyed with his owners. Y/n extended her hand, touching his fur, avoiding Matty’s eyes above her. 

“You deserve a break.” she could feel him lingering on top of her. 

“Maybe but-”

Matty shut her up with a series of sweet kisses that ended –of course– on her belly. He kneeled down in front of her and their doggy.

“To think this is where it all started…” he spoke, a bit lost inside his own head. Y/n detached her eyes and hand from Mayhem’s form, leaving the sweet dog to rest. 

“The bookshop?” their hands met shortly after asking him. 

“Yes.”

“Thanks to your crazy fans, too.”

Matty chuckled, “They love you.”

“I bet they want my place.”

“The bookshop?”

“To be underneath you.” Y/n teased. 

“Ah!” Matty exclaimed, going to sit beside her. “You like that, don’t ya?”

“Why are you talking so much?” 

“What should I do?”

“Kiss me, Matty.”

“Since you asked nicely…” Matty smiled at Y/n, grabbing her face and pulling his face closer.

Meanwhile the future parents shared a sweet moment after an evening of hard work, all the surrounding universes inside the bookshop continued witnessing –like they did since the first day– their love that continued growing strong. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @indierockgirrl @x-a-black-winged-dove-x @iregretbeingherewheniwas10 @hswannaknow @thefrontofmymind

[freakygirlie]

Hi. Itk here. Believe me, don't, doesn't matter. Thought I'd drop (after you summoned ha) by given the chaos and try to enlighten the ones who choose to believe me, as much as I'm capable of.

The first thing I wanna say is: stop trying to figure out their relationship. You most likely never will. Fans are stuck on both extremes, when the actuality of it is far more in the middle (perhaps even up or down and all around ha). It's complex and strange and not at all "normal" (as normal as they could be, anyways).

It's not as simple as "oh they're just a closeted couple who engage in bearding and have kids and behind closed doors they're just a regular, old married couple and a big, happy rainbow family".

Doesn't sound like itk info, believe me, I get that but observing the fandom I'd say it almost is because most fans simply hang on extreme simplistic ideas of what their relationship is.

Second thing I'd like to say and unfortunately seems like it's not at all obvious but: do not believe anything they share publicly. Not saying they're lying compulsively, but they are public figures and they have a lot at stake to just casually drop the actual truth of any given situation.

Just don't. The same salt you have regarding itks, have towards them. It'd do you some good...Believe me. Unless you are involved in the entertainment or political life, you cannot even begin to fathom what it's really like, the level of manipulation, falsehood and well, overall deviation of it. It's quite disturbing tbh. So just always take whatever's said and shown with a good amount of salt. With public people hardly anything is accidental or casual.

I think the most prominent question now is...Why? Why would they do something like that? Regardless if you have the ingenuity to believe the little scene they made or not...Still, the question lingers.

With my level of "in the knowness" I cannot for sure say the real reason, yet from the pieces I've collected so far, seems to be a multiple gain scheme. It was a high risk, they were well aware, and it paid out in the way they were expecting, minus small bumps here and there. But overall it seemed to have worked in their favor. How in the hell, one would ask?

Believe me, I used my best sneaky capabilities to find out exactly why but they were smart enough to keep this one locked tight, minus a few loose lips. And from those all I've heard was that "whatever the purpose was, it worked out".

As weird as it may sound to the innocent mind, it's actually not at all, given that even leaked nudes are not at all leaked or accidental, and those tend to (at least in the past) get immense amount of backlash. It's not the first time famous folks fake a fight, surely won't be the last.

A lot goes into public image, it's not black and white as "well but it looked bad on Jensen", "it looked bad on the prequel", etc. You'd be surprised as how little this truly matters given the level of manipulation they are able to pull on the public. And well, even with them...It happens all the time. Both made mistakes far worse than just "not telling my bestie about my new project" and fans would eventually let that go and put them back on the pedestal.

So just remember, always: not in the industry? then don't judge anything because you simply do not understand how it works.

Another piece of itk information I can give besides "this was planned and it worked" is: they are fine. From what I've heard they are not fighting over it or going through anything more dramatic than what they usually have been going through ever since they met haha.

So just sit back and chill out. Breathe, read fanfiction and remember that we will never truly get answers, because even what comes out of their mouths are most of the time carefully thought out and directed to have a specific meaning and effect (why do you think Jared mumbles and rambles so much?).

Another interesting piece of itk: you know how they always say they never fight? Even though that sounds insanely hard to believe even if they were just friends because who knows someone for that long and is constantly together and never fights? Unlikely, right? Yes, as obvious as that was. But unfortunately a lot of you seem to believe that, given the level of shock you had for this little twitter feud (as fake as it was). Yeah. They fight. A lot.

They fight as much as individuals in their situation would. Like I said, not at all what most people absentmindedly seem to think it is. They go through a lot. Way more than anyone who isn't in a similar situation would understand. It's messy, although they try their best to make it simpler in the ways they can.

On top of being in a very complex situation, they both have strong personalities and one of them is quite hard to "pin down". So altercations happen a lot, but they know how to deal, and they are exceptionally good at making sure that doesn't interfere in their work (oh well, at least not any work that doesn't benefit from intense emotional exchanges, anyways 😉...chemistry isn't something random, you know? haha).

I find it quite...interesting (to put it nicely) that a lot of hats easily believe they are a couple that lies constantly about almost every aspect of their lives, yet, they cannot believe they would fake a social media narrative. It makes no sense whatsoever.

It'd do you all good to be a little less tendentious and look at them as, you know...Humans? They are not what they seem to be, just as you guys also take in different versions of yourselves in different situations, they do too. And don't be so hopelessly naive to actually believe they see fans as "hashtag family". This is their work. And as grateful as they are for supporters, they certainly do not consider them family. To the point of never lying and trusting you with their life.

I'm sure they love their fans, but come on, saying they would never lie because that's mean to fans is just beyond naive. They've been doing it all along and oh, another interesting info? They don't think they're doing anything wrong.

Yeah, sounds weird, you'd think they'd feel guilty. But again, unless you were media trained, you'd never get it.

From years now if there's one consistent info I've gotten was this: they don't feel obligated to tell you anything. They believe they are doing "what they are supposed to do, the right thing for everyone involved".

So. Yeah. And hell, they are right about not being obligated to say anything about anything, I guess.

Well, I hope that was helpful or at least entertaining. It's hard to share info without accidentally making it obvious who I am for the lurkers (sure you guys were well aware that they lurk around the fandom). But it's safe because as long as I don't provide evidence, I'm fine. Just walking a thin line between sharing and not sharing something too specific that would be easy fir them to know who has that info and although they can't do anything against itks, they can manage to cut us off somehow and I enjoy having access lol, so that'd be a bummer.

Anyways, take itks and J2 themselves with a ton of salt haha! You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!

itk anon everything you said was <333 and i agree with like almost all of it. very nice analysis and ask thank you ! i don't always believe everything j2 put out but the whole stunt being a false narrative just seems wrong so idk what to make of it. regardless i myself can sometimes get carried away in my star-struck love of j2. and i am a tinhat so well :) and now they look to be really good and taking a break from here was well worth it <3

''You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!'' i love u so much hope u have a great day !

[watchingovergvff]

Its Always Been You- Sam Kiszka

Summary: It’s been months since you’ve seen your best friend. Spending New Years together was tradition. So, why does everything feel like it’s changing?

Genre: Best Friends to Lovers. Fluff.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Alcohol Consumption.

A/N: I love to hear feedback, so don’t hesitate to do so. Thank you for all the love and support<333

——————————————————————————

Four Months.

It’s only been four months since you’ve seen the boys, but it feels like it’s been years.

Due to their crazy tour schedule and your seemingly never-ending work days, the five of you haven’t been able to see each other. You would get the occasional call or text, but that’s as good as it got.

But that would all change tonight.

The boys finally got a break for Christmas and had been home with family for the past few days. Of course, not being able to sit still for very long, they all decide to throw a New Year’s Eve party, which they graciously invited you to.

Thrilled was an understatement.

You missed both Jake and Josh worrying over you like mother hen, or telling you all about their latest adventures. You missed staying up all night with Danny, talking about anything and everything until the sun hung high in the sky. And Sam…

Well things with Sam where a bit more complicated. See, Danny and Sam happen to be your best friends, always have been. The three of you were attached at the hip for god knows how long. While you missed them both deeply while they were away on tour, you missed Sam a bit differently.

You couldn’t exactly put your finger on when you fell in love with Sam, but it’s been a very long time, to say the least. Of course, you have never shared this information with him before, in fear you would ruin everything you’ve built with him. You had come to terms with hiding your feelings at all costs.

Which leads us back to the present, you were anxious as fuck.

Were you excited? Yes. But, that didn’t stop the pounding of your heart as you quickly got ready.

Smoothing out your dress in the mirror, you look at yourself. The red long-sleeve dress had been the right choice for tonight’s events. After sliding on your shoes, you get a text from Jake that he is outside waiting for you.

Scurrying around your apartment, making sure you have everything. Finally, you trot out the front door in search of his car.

Climbing into the back seat, you grin at Jake and his girlfriend. They both complement your attire for the night, claiming the red suited you best.

“We missed you, Kid. It feels like it’s been years since we have gotten together. Danny and Sam have been itching to see you since we stepped foot into town” Jake says. You agree full heartedly, already giddy about seeing them all.

The ride is short, but full of laughter due to Jake recalling stories from tour. Once the three of you rounded the corner to Sam’s house, your forgotten anxiety seems to find its way back to you, pounding its way to your chest.

Jake and his girlfriend walk ahead of you, while you attempt to catch your breath. Eventually, you follow behind them, all the way up to the front door. The door swings wide open, with Danny standing in the doorway. He greets Jake and his girlfriend, not expecting you behind them. The minute he spots you, he scoops you up into his arms, squeezing you tight. “Bug, holy shit! You’re here. I missed you so much” Danny says, after reluctantly setting you down. You nudge his side, “I missed you too, Dan. It’s been way to long. Now be a good friend and show me where I can get a good drink” you smile at him. He chuckles at you, looping your arms together and leads you in the direction of the kitchen.

“You know, I’m not the only one who missed you. Sammy boy did his fair share of pinning for you as well” he says teasingly.

Okay. To be fair, you didn’t mean to tell Danny about your small Sam predicament. The both of you had a movie night at his house, that turned into drunken confessions at three a.m. He managed to coax the truth out of you and now he won’t let you forget it.

You roll your eyes at Danny and begin to reply, but instead you get pulled in the other direction. Josh bear hugs you and mumbles under his breath about how much he missed you, and couldn’t wait to show you some of the music they had been working on. Rubbing at his back, you gently pull away. You tell him to go drink some water. He grumbles at you, telling you to find him later for a dance and then he stumbles off.

You make it into the kitchen, spotting the makeshift bar on the counter. After successfully making something that doesn’t taste horrible, you stand observing the room, that is until you hear an all too familiar laugh. Butterflies find themselves fluttering inside your stomach. Whipping your head around just to spot Sam chatting it up with some guy you’ve never met before. You decided to find him later, not wanting to interrupt.

You find yourself on Sam’s back porch, gazing at the night sky all alone. Leaning up against the railing of the porch, you hear the backdoor open and close. Figuring it was probably Danny, you don’t make a move to turn and see for yourself. Suddenly, you feel fingers wiggling at your sides. You squirm around in their hold, wanting to see who the culprit was.

Of course, it was him.

Sam.

He had the stupidest grin spread wide across his face. Sam pulled you close, hugging you tightly.

He missed you, you missed him, nothing needed to be said. The embrace was evident enough.

The both of you slip from each other’s grip but remain side by side. The two of you begin sharing stories of anything and everything that happened while the two of you were apart. After gasping and laughing at each other’s stories for what felt like hours, the two of you fell into a comfortable silence, gazing at everything, but each other.

“Bug, I…” Sam calls out to you.

The backdoor busts open and Jake comes staggering out. He starts screeching at you in his iconic British accent, demanding to have one dance with you. Never being able to say no to any of them you reluctantly agree.

Glancing back at Sam, you ask if he is tagging along, but he somberly declines, clearly wanting a moment alone. You nod, but begin to worry you may have caused his saddened mood.

The night carries on with the silliest of antics.

Jake spins you round and round. Josh keeps your cup full. Danny cheers along, encouraging Jake’s ridiculous behavior. All the while, Sam sits in the corner, wishing it was him you were dancing with.

It’s about thirty minutes till midnight, and you’ve managed to pull Jake off of you for the time being. Once again you find yourself on the back porch, alone, but not for long. Sam finds his way back outside eventually.

He sits a bit of distance away from you and lights a cigarette. The both of you are tense and silent, a completely different atmosphere since the first time on the porch. Eventually, you get sick of the silence cornering the both of you.

“Sam, did I do something wrong, you’ve been avoiding me all night since the first time we came out here. You can talk to me, whatever it is” you glance over at him, only to find that he was already looking at you.

He stands and closes the space between the two of you. Reaching his hand over, he pushes a stray hair behind your ear. He gazes at you saying, “I don’t think I can, Bug”.

The two of you stare longingly at each other for what feels like a life time.

You sigh, not wanting to push him on the matter. “You don’t have to but know you can tell me anything, no matter what” you say.

You start to make your way back inside, but before you can even make it two steps away, Sam is tugging you back into him.

“It’s just… I haven’t seen you in months, despite my attempts to push you to the back of my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Every single second of everyday, my mind was full of only you. It always has been and it kills me to watch you from afar. I’ve been so anxious all week because I knew you were coming tonight. And when I caught a glimpse of you tonight, in that pretty dress, all I could think about was how much I would regret not telling you how I actually feel. You haunt my mind day and night, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. It’s always been you, always. I love you, Bug”.

You stare at Sam in disbelief. Bring your hands up to his face, cupping his jaw. “I don’t know what to say, I….” you whisper.

“You don’t have to say anything, I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t tell you” Sam shoots out.

“No Sam, I...”

“I understand if you only see me as a friend, I just wanted-

“Sam!” you holler at him.

He snaps his mouth shut looking down at you.

“Are you kidding me” you chuckle out. “Sam, I’ve been in love with you since we met, dumbass. It’s always been you Sammy, always”.

The New Year’s Eve countdown begins.

10, 9…

You both grin at each other, realizing just how infatuated you are with one another.

6, 5...

“Bug, can I kiss you?” he asks.

2, 1…

“Please do” you whisper, tugging his face down to meet yours.

Cheers are heard all across the house, making toasts to the new year. The both of you stay in your little bubble, not wanting to interrupt it quite yet.

Reluctantly, the both of you pull away from one another. Sam pulls you tight into his chest, whispering melodic words and promises of love.

The outside world long gone, being responsible can wait another day.

The both of you gaze into the sky, watching fireworks, utterly in love with one another.

———

A/N: Part Two???!!!! Hope you enjoyed

[boom-bakugou]

‘Wherever You Are’ - Shoto Todoroki/Eijiro Kirishima

A/N: This piece is for my @bnhabookclub bingo card! I’m crossing out “Be Quiet” and ‘Heated Argument’. I would also like to thank @honeytama @shoutogepi and @dragonhrte for beta reading <333

Pairings: Pro Hero!Todoroki x F!Reader / Pro Hero!Kirishima x F!Reader

Warnings: 18+, smut, mutual masturbation, minor temperature play, minor angst!

Summary: Todoroki already broke your heart when he said he was leaving for 6 months, but Kirishima can glue your broken heart back together before he returns...right?

Word Count: 5.2k

masterlist

“6 months.”

The words stung more than they should’ve. Half a year of not being able to see his face, hold his hand, sleep together in the same bed.

“Does it have to be so long? Do you really have to go?”

God your mind ran at a hundred miles a minute. Searching his face for any semblance of wanting to rethink the offer about heroing in America. But the sympathetic glance in his eyes was enough to tell you what his words could not.

Of course you were proud of him, of course you were. It wasn’t a minor thing in his career and not many heroes would be selected for such an astounding opportunity. Top heroes in Japan touring around America to show their quirks and how different cultures portrayed their heroes. A bit flamboyant for Todoroki but you presumed he was only following as Deku and Ground Zero were also picked for the once-in-a-lifetime gig.

“I’ll be back before you know it baby, I promise.”

So you took that promise to heart.

-

In the following months leading to his departure, there was a heavy air between the two of you that wouldn’t be mentioned. As if you both knew the inevitable was coming. How would you two manage a relationship from thousands of miles away? You had read every article on the internet, even bought books and followed tags that allowed you to know how to keep the fire burning between the two of you.

Shoto was typically quiet, he always was. But as he began packing his bags for the long tour, he was deathly silent. The guilt of leaving you by yourself in your shared home burning him up inside. He knew he had to say something to you about this whole ordeal, but how could he? He was taking this life changing decision and ruining what you two had perfectly here. But you two could survive right? Or was that the right decision overall? Was prolonging you two the right decision?

It all came down to the day he had to leave. Helping him pack the last of his necessities into his very packed suitcases which had been neatly placed upon your shared bed.

“I completely forgot to ask, how’re you getting to the airport?”

“Bakugou and Midoriya are dropping me off.”

Oh. You had hoped you could get those final moments of couples bliss before he left, but you couldn’t not indulge in having the two young heroes watch in jealousy of you and your boyfriend.

“Can I come? See you off before you leave?”

Your tone was so bittersweet. Not really wanting to see him leave into the airport gates.

“Of course you can.” Todoroki zipped up his final case before pressing a chaste kiss upon your forehead, lingering for a moment to then head to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for you both.

The familiar ring of Todoroki’s phone signified that Bakugou and Midoriya were outside. Bakugou had convinced Kirishima to drive them to the airport (which he did not appreciate as it was far too early for him) and he was the one to head up to help Todoroki with his cases.

“I’ll get that for you Y/N, no worries.” His toothy grin glimmered to you as he picked up the heavy case with ease. It must be fun being a pro-hero.

The ride to the airport was sweet, despite being squashed in the back with Bakugou and Todoroki. It was mostly filled with inside jokes between the four boys and Bakugou screaming for the aux cord because ‘Shitty hair’s music is shitty’. You’d miss the small moments like these.

After checking the three men and their bags to the plane, Todoroki and you parted from the group to have a few last moments together before it would only be facetimes and snapchat stories in seeing each other’s lives.

“Y/N you know this will be difficult right?”

“I know, but I’ve planned everything out! We’re gonna be fine.”

“I’m going to be so busy though, I’ll barely have time for calls and I’ll be so tired at the end of my day and-“

“That’s why when we do call, it’ll be so much more special! We have date nights planned and-“

“Y/N, look I just don’t think I want to push this.”

You could have almost spat your coffee out at his interruption. He wasn’t even looking at you, springing this up on you in your last moments before not seeing him for 6 whole months.

“Wh-what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that… I don’t know, maybe you should see other people. I just don’t think- with how busy I am-it willon’t work.”

You hadn’t even realised you were crying. Your glare towards him basically begging for him to look you in the eyes. Coward.

“So you won’t even try?”

“I just don’t see the point-“

“The point in us?” The daggers in your voice finally made him look up at you, the snivelling mess he had made you into. He had gotten your hopes up that it would work, that you’d still be there for him and support him. “Have fun on your tour Todoroki.”

You left your coffee half drunk, not even wanting the takeaway cup with his name on it. It wasn’t worth your time.

“Hey Kirishima could I have the keys to your car? I just wanna sit down for a bit.” Your eyes were practically glued to the floor, as a means to not show him that you were seconds from fully breaking down.

“Sure, but, aren’t you gonna say goodbye to Sho?” He reluctantly pulled his keys out from his sweatpants pocket, dangling them in front of you in hopes that he could see your expression.

“He just did.” You try your best not to snatch them from him but your attempt fails. You just wanted to be out of there. Even pushing past Bakugou and Midoriya to exit the building and sit alone with your thoughts.

Selfish bastard. If he’d been thinking about this for so long why not just break up with you when he first told you? Why wait so fucking long for him to just break your heart when you did so much to salvage anything if things got bad? You hit your hand on the steering wheel so hard that the horn beeps and you sob more from the fright. You must’ve looked insane.

Kirishima arrived back at his car about 10 minutes later. Sliding out from the driver’s position to the passenger seat silently, you had at least cleaned yourself up a bit in the thought of knowing that he would soon be back.

“So, he told me.” Kirishima breaks the silence. Hands gripping the wheel with a nervous intent. Knowing it’s a very touchy subject.

“Yeah?”

“It’s gonna be fine y’know? At least he’s not like in your face or anything or you can’t awkwardly bump into him in the street.” His attempts to pick up the mood fall on deaf ears.

“He didn’t have to drag me along for the ride though.” Your tears slide down your face and pool on your neck, not even having the strength within you to wipe them away.

“Well we’re all here for you no matter what Y/N-“

“Can I go to yours for a bit? I know it’s early I just… don’t want to go back to the flat just yet.”

“Course you can.”

-

Staying at Kirishima’s became a regular thing. Not really being able to confine yourself to the four walls of the apartment you used to share with Shoto.

He’d let you sleep in his spare room, his gym equipment keeping you company in the night. It was a fine arrangement. Kirishima was always so nice to you when you were with Todoroki, and since your abrupt breakup; you had an inkling that Kirishima wasn’t on the best of terms with him anymore.

The barren walls and blankets kept you safe from old memories, but your mind followed through with the nightmares.

Your body shook from the antagonising scowl upon Todoroki’s face, it was terrifying but mostly upsetting. You couldn’t help but sob yourself awake. Your pillow a wet mess and your throat dry from screaming.

“Y/N?”

Kirishima stood in your doorway, the light from the hallway pooling around him and the sympathetic gaze in his tired eyes.

“Nightmares?”

You nodded, sitting yourself up in bed and wiping the wet from your cheeks. Kirishima sat on the edge of your bed, rubbing your leg comfortingly over the duvet.

“Do you need anything?” The tired croak in his voice broke your heart further. You felt like such a burden.

“No I’m okay; thank you.” With a small smile, Kirishima got up to go back to bed before you intervened. “Wait- will you stay with me?”

There’s a small glimmer of confusion that passes over Kirishima’s face, but in the end he accepts. You’d known each other for many years and had many sleepovers in each other's dorms that this was nothing new.

Taking off his dressing gown, Kirishima was dressed in a slightly ripped top of his own ‘Red Riot’ merch and loose-fitting boxers. It took you a few moments to drink him in, this really was the most intimate you’d ever seen him.

And that’s how it went for 5 months, just you and Kirishima periodically sleeping in each other's beds to just be with each other. Nothing explicit or sexual, just sometimes touching feet or waking up near enough in each other’s arms.

Until 2 weeks before Deku, Bakugou and Todoroki were meant to come home.

Whether it was the heat of the night or just an off day from not having been intimate for so long you couldn’t help but just need someone to touch you so badly. Thankfully Kirishima was in his room so you at least had some alone time to run your fingers against your slick folds, fingers sopping wet from just how aroused you actually were.

It was infuriating about how you could barely get yourself off, and stifling your moans with a weak lip bite was getting you absolutely nowhere. You knew how thin Kirishima’s walls could be from that night he brought a girl home once. You barely got a lick of sleep just from the noise… or from the slight twinge of jealousy.

Because it had become such a norm to you both, you hadn’t even noticed Kirishima enter your room with your eyelids pressed shut trying to picture any sort of scenario to get the edge off. So when you felt him tugging at your covers; your whole body turned to ice.

“Kiri wait-“

But it was far too late. He had no choice but to see the bottom half of you completely naked and drenched in your own slick.

“Oh fuck Y/N- I-I’m so sorry look I’ll go I should’ve knocked- fuck I’m sorry.” Even in the darkness of your room you could clearly see the blush on his face as if it was illuminative. You also couldn’t peel your eyes away from the rising tent in his sweatpants. You could’ve licked your lips at the sight.

“It’s alright- I’m sorry I didn’t notice you sooner.” You tried your best to catch your breath, with no real success as your tone was so ragged. You covered yourself up and place your hands on top of your covers; allowing for some form of minor stimulation to yourself without Kirishima noticing.

“D-Do you want me to help?” He sounded so innocent but the way he licked his lips sent chills to your spine. Could you really sleep with your best friend?

“I-I don’t know, but- you obviously need some help yourself.” You do your best to joke about the awkward situation, something that was rather natural for your friendship. Kirishima couldn’t help but slyly place his hands over his crotch despite you already noticing the dark grey patch of pre-cum staining the fabric.

“Well… we could just… masturbate together?” The thought hung in the air for a brief moment as it washed over the both of you, Kirishima gulping as the silence lasted longer than expected.

“Okay…” Your tone was hesitant but he could tell by how dilated your pupils were that this would probably be something neither of the two of you would mention in the morning. He’d be okay with that… maybe. Maybe not.

Sliding to his usual side of the bed, he leaned against the headboard and you sat yourself up a bit further. Pulling the covers to the side so everything was fully out in the open again. You could hear Kirishima hiss between his teeth at the sight of you even more drenched at the thought of you two doing this together. You watched with the same anticipation as him as he pulled his sweatpants down to let his cock spring free. The sight of it so red and flush couldn’t stop your hand from sliding back down to your heat.

Seeing the two of you like this was enough to get you both off, the room was filled with an air of silence but it wasn’t heavy. No, it was littered with the soft moans of you and your best friend.

Your eyes traced each other’s bodies as if you needed to discover every inch of each other with just your eyes. You’d seen Kirishima without his shirt many timesa time but you could practically beg for it just to see the way his muscles move as he pumped his cock. Kirishima gave you the same attentive look as he studied the way your fingers slid in and out of yourself.

After a few minutes of pleasure filled and moan ridden ecstasy; your hand began to cramp and the frustration of still not being able to get yourself off had tears streaming down your face.

“Fuck Kiri-“ You whined, hearing his name come out of your mouth was a sinful kiss to his ears. He wanted to hear it all the time.

“Yeah, me too princess.” He sounded so low it was basically a grunt of a sentence. “Do you want me to-?”

“Please.” He didn’t have to wait, you lifted away your tired hand from yourself and he slid along the bed to run his fingers up your slit. Just the feeling of another person touching you so intimately was enough to release the tension from your sore head, the scream released from your throat could’ve made him come undone right then and there.

“Just like that baby?” Kirishima’s calloused fingers danced delicately along your folds, squeezing ever so gently at your clit making your back arch. Your hand drifted along his midriff until it found the way to the bottom of his cock. He hissed at the feeling of your hand around him and his fingers stuttered against your core.

“Please, mmmf… need you in me.” You managed to choke out. Kirishima didn’t need another sign as he plunged two fingers into your wet self. He set his hand just above your head, leaning down on you as you fisted his member at the same rate he thrusted his fingers in and out of you.

You both silently knew that it’d be too weird if you two actually had sex. You were just helping each other in a time of need.

Kirishima pressed his knuckles down on the spongy part of your insides, making your hand falter aagainst him before finding your way to pick up your pace again.

“Fuck fuck, Y/N- I’m so fucking close.” Kirishima forced the words out of his mouth as he watched you writhe in pleasure underneath him.

“Me too Kiri oh fuck-“ You could feel the coil tightening within you ready to burst and you felt him twitch beneath your hand.

“Fucking hell fuck Y/N I lo-.” The sound of him moaning as he came into your hand and parts of your stomach drowned out his sentence and the way he curled his fingers while inside of you was enough to also tip you over the edge, grabbing his shoulder with your free hand for a reason to ground you to reality.

Catching your breath, Kirishima slid away from above you. The reality of the situation almost settling in for the two of you. He lifted the waistband of his sweatpants up before pressing a chaste kiss on your head. He wished he would have lingered longer.

“I’ll get something to help you clean up.” He returned with two hot flannels, rubbing wherever his come had landed on you and using the other to wipe any sweat or where your slick had coated your thighs.

“Thank you Kirishima.” Your throat croaked from the pleasure of it all, Kirishima couldn’t help but give a short chuckle as he crawled into bed with you after throwing the flannels in the washing machine.

“I should be thanking you too.”

With that you both fell asleep, a little closer to each other than usual. But, what was he going to say before he got interrupted? You didn’t have time to think of that now.

-

Within two weeks, you and Kirishima had become a lot closer after your little ‘sexual altercation’. Your social media was flooded with photos of you and him going out to eat and going to the movies together and just dumb stuff you’d do at his apartment. So after 6 months of living on and off together; you two decided that you’d officially become roommates. Not a couple just… roommates.

“You gonna need any help or anything?” Kirishima smiled as you opened the door to your old apartment you used to share with Todoroki. Thankfully for the last time.

“Just go to work silly. I'm just grabbing the last of my stuff. It's nothing big, just clothes and ornaments.” You waver him off with a shake of your hand. “You gotta head to work and finish that paperwork.”

That earned a groan from him.

“I’d rather be manly and helpful to you.” He leaned his arm against the doorframe as you unlocked the door.

“Yeah? Well you can go and be manly and helpful to the public, I’ll see you later Kiri.” You smirk, he rolls his eyes. You parted with a small hug and you began to get started to clean up the final things in your old apartment with Todoroki.

It looked almost barren now, you didn’t realise how much of you was in this house and not him. He was always reserved, unlike Kirishima. Even though it was never a fully agreed upon thing that you were living with Kiri as you’d come back to this old house for most of the week- it didn’t feel like home. But it did with Kirishima.

You placed old bedcovers and old clothes into a cardboard box, humming to yourself at the glee of not being alone in the birdcage of your ex. You didn’t even hear the keys go in the door. It wasn’t until you were exiting your old shared bedroom with the box in hand did you notice him. You couldn’t help but drop the box as there was Todoroki, unchanged from the day he left you at that airport cafe.

“Y/N?”

“I was just leaving.”

“Leaving where? Where’ve all your things gone?” He couldn’t not help but notice your decorum missing, it brought life into the modern studio apartment.

“I don’t live here anymore Todoroki. I’m just getting my things and going home.” You attempt to save yourself the embarrassment of already dropping the box by spitting back with venom.

The look of confusion on the bicoloured man’s face was evident. You had no time to play his games.

“I live with Kirishima, I’m getting the last of my things. I didn’t even realise you’d be home today.” You sigh. Though, maybe you subconsciously did. Maybe you knew that he’d be home today and that’s why you decided today was the day you’d get the rest of your things.

“I thought you were getting a bit close.” Todoroki grumbled under his breath, but he knew you heard him. “Always on dates together, always at his house.”

The loud ‘hah’ you let out of your mouth was a jutter in the conversation, Todoroki was obviously taken aback.

“What’s it even to you? Why should you give a shit about my life when you just up and disappeared for 6 months on your own volition huh?” You spat despite your whole body shaking, you couldn’t have missed him right? “You left me alone even when I supported you, did all that shit to make sure we’d stay in contact and now you have the nerve to be jealous?”

His eyes scanned your face before watching you intently, crossing the space between you to finally stand in front of you. You could smell his cologne, citrus and sharp. You’d forgotten how much you missed that smell.

“I didn’t know how much I’d missed you Y/N.” You could feel his breath fan your face catching your own ever so slightly. “I missed you so fucking much baby.”

“Todoroki-“

“Come on baby tell me you didn’t miss me too.” His voice was so soft and sweet to your ears, you couldn’t even stop him from leaning in so close to your face.

“I-“ But before you could speak his lips had encapsulated yours, the box in your hands losing grip.

God had you missed his lips upon yours, you sunk into the kiss as if you had never slept and he was the comfiest bed on earth. He pushed the box from your hands and it landed to the floor with a large thud, taking you by surprise. Yet despite you breaking the kiss from the surprise he swooped you back to having his lips against yours once again.

Kicking the cardboard from the separation of the two of you, Todoroki pulled you close. Taking you in his arms and furthering the kiss. He’d gotten more toned in the months that he’d been gone, your hands dancing over his muscles which were taught against his jumper.

“I should’ve never fucking left you baby girl.” He moaned against your lips, hand to the back of your neck as he drank you in. “Never. I missed you so fucking much.”

Sliding his hands from your neck to your lower back until he reached your thighs, Todoroki pulled you up and you gripped onto his waist as if it was clockwork. How could you have ever thought about anyone else but him? Todoroki walked with ease with you around him to your old bedroom, and when he lay you on your bed it didn’t feel so small anymore.

Buzz Buzz

“Fuck- Shoto my phone,” You whined as Todoroki left nipping kisses down your neck, you shifted beneath him to grab your phone from your back pocket to only see Kirishima’s name flash before you. You could feel Shoto’s heterochromic gaze as the photo of you and Kirishima lit up the screen.

“Answer it-“ Todoroki’s voice was a commanding growl and by the way he squeezed your breasts roughly you couldn’t help but coincide. “Answer it, but be quiet.”

With a gulp you shakily clicked to answer the call and put it on speaker as Todoroki began to slide down your jeans.

“Hey Y/N! Look I know this is out of the blue and I’m at work but- I can’t just stop thinking about us and you know… what we did.” Kirishima’s voice rang through the phone and you feel that Todoroki’s eyes could have pierced through you right then and there.

“But I just think you know with everything we’ve been through together- god this is so not manly asking over the phone but… do you wanna go on a date sometime? I’ll take you out somewhere nice and proper.”

Todoroki rolled his hips into your clothed core after taking off your jeans and a moan threatened to erupt from your throat. Sliding your underwear down his fingers pressed against your wetness and slid down before he bent his head down licking a strip against your sensitive clit. He knew your body like the back of his hand- you missed his gentle touch.

“And I know it might be weird because of Todoroki but he broke up with you so it’s understandable right?” Todoroki’s grip on your thigh became tighter as he lapped your pussy you thought that if you bit your lip any harder it would surely bleed. “I talked with Bakugou about it and he didn’t exactly give the best advice but… I like you… a lot Y/N.”

You couldn’t help but let out a whimpering moan as Todoroki slipped his tongue inside of you and moved in and out of you slowly, relishing the small moans you made.

“Y/N? Are you there? You okay?”

Todoroki’s hand left your thigh and he sat up, allowing for his bulge to once again grind against your core. You gasp at the friction of his jeans against your sensitive clit.

“Y/N? Hello? Please tell me you’re alright?”

With a swift grab of your phone and a hand pressed to your lips; Todoroki began to basically growl back at Kirishima.

“She’s busy.”

Making a scene of pressing the end call button, Todoroki through your phone to the carpeted floor where it thankfully didn’t smash.

“Shoto!”

“So you’ve been messing about with Kirishima, baby?” You whimper at his words as he harshly presses his bulge against you. “Also, didn’t I tell you to be quiet?”

He grasps your chin with his forefinger and his thumb, placing a gentle kiss against your lips before bringing his other hand and slapping your ass hard. You wail at the contact which only gives Todoroki a glimmer of excitement in his eyes.

“It was only once Shoto I promise-“

“Shh shh shh, your filthy mouth needs to be quiet baby girl.” Todoroki leans up from you and begins to unbuckle his belt painfully slowly. His hand gestures afterwards as if telling you to finish disrobing yourself by yourself. “I should’ve never left you, no one else gets to know that this pretty little pussy is mine and mine alone. Got that princess?”

He brings his belt to slap against your thigh when you don’t give him a reply immediately, to which you soon nod your head.

“Let me hear your words baby girl.” His hands slide down to his boxers, jerking himself off as if to tease you as you couldn’t fully picture how he was fisting his cock right now.

“I’m yours Shoto, nobody else’s. Only ever yours.” You’re a whimpering mess and you try to cling to him desperately. He lets out a low chuckle before pulling his boxers fully down and letting his cock spring free.

Todoroki settles himself in between your legs, savouring a taste of your slick before angling his body back up so you were face to face, leaving wet kisses down your neck but biting at all the sweet spots he knew too well.

“Gonna mark you so that everybody knows that you belong to me.” His voice whispered against your skin, the tip of his member prodding against your folds; sliding up and down against you for some friction.

Shoto made his way back up from your nipples to your mouth before pressing his lips against you hungrily. He settled his hips neatly against yours and you instinctively wrapped your thighs around him as he pushed inside of you. Moaning into the kiss with each thrust until he completely bottomed out inside of you. You felt so full and right, you were Todoroki’s.

“God princess I forgot how much you felt like you were made for me.” Todoroki grunts as he begins to set a pace for himself, entangling his hands in your hair and tugging slightly so he has free reign over your neck for every bite and mark he saw fit. “Isn’t that right baby?”

“Yes- fuck me Shoto I’m all yours.” You dig your nails into his back, hard enough to leave marks tomorrow. Shoto starts pistoning his hips into you and you both can’t help but groan at the friction of your two bodies melding together.

Shoto slides his hand up your body until he reached the small of your back, arching you at a deeper angle into him as he fucked you directly into the bed. The sound it made only added to the erotic symphony of your bedroom combined with your moans and the wet skin slapping together. You fist your hands into the sheets in fear of clawing Todoroki’s back any more and you swore you could’ve torn the covers.

“Does that feel good princess? Am I the only one who knows how to make you feel as good as this?” Todoroki’s laugh is almost sinister as he brings his right hand to your clit, making it drop in temperature just to see you squirm.

“You make me feel so fucking good Shoto- so full I only want you- I only need you. Fuck I’m gonna-“

“You gonna come for me princess? Gonna come all around my cock? Good girl, come on come for me.” He whispered into your neck, feeling you tighten around him. Your back arched even further as you came undone around him, pushing himself even further into you to feel you convulse against his cock.

“Shit Y/N!” He groans, absolutely exasperated as he comes inside of you. Letting hot spurts of come dribble out from your pussy. His hands slide from your sides and into your hands as intertwines your fingers together. Shoto catches his breath, his bicoloured hair stuck to his forehead with sweat as he leans into your chest- the two of your synchronising your breathing together.

“Did you miss that my baby? Miss me taking care of you like that?” Todoroki showers your fluttering body with kisses as he pulls himself out of you. Your heart raced but also the pang of guilt was there from the phone call from Kirishima.

“I missed you Sho.”

Todoroki took care of your heavily bruised body, apologising for the bruises upon your waist where he gripped you too tightly and covering you up tightly into your old bedsheets to lay together just like the old days.

However Kirishima was just glad he had a lock on his office door. He gripped his phone tightly in his hands after hearing your orgasm brought him to his own. The pretty profanities that fell out your mouth drove him insane. He’d have to seriously clean himself up after jacking off to your explicit moans from over the phone. Did Todoroki mean to hang up? He didn’t care right now, he just cared about good he could still make you feel.

He was going to make you his. Todoroki or not.

[espresso-lessdepresso]

(im sending this anonymously bc im kind of shy lmao and srry in advanced for the long message)

Hi !!! So I just came here to say that I am utterly appreciative of your and this blogs existence. Usually I get pretty picky with the writing blogs I follow and the ones I actually enjoy, and if im not wrong you were one of the firsts fanfic blogs that I followed in many years (4 years to be exact lol). And that is because you are absolutely amazing at it, you’re so incredible that I get excited when I get a notification from you. I know it’s hard to write, and that it’s easy to get a writers block out of nowhere yet every work you’ve done has been such a sweet fic that I adore. At first I thought it was bc you wrote for jschlatt that I liked the stories but then I realized it was your writing, the set ups and nice atmosphere you create. I’m in college and it’s a wild ride, so when I read your college fic with him that was the moment I knew I loved your content because of the things I mentioned earlier. For me your writing is a warm hug that makes me feel safe and happy. I just hope that your know your stories are so good beyond the characters. Keep it up because I will support you now and in the future, I just feel like you got something that none other fic writer has, and I mean it. I hope you have such a wonderful year, ily, stay safe and sending you all the good vibes <333

I woke up and read this message in the morning and I had to stop halfway because it was so sweet and kind and it made me happily tear up while I was brushing my teeth.

You have no idea how much your words have impacted my day. I’m truly beyond happy that you’ve found my silly writing as enjoyable as you’ve said they are, go to the extent of writing me this heartfelt message.

I’m a bit baffled to hear that this is one of the few blogs that you’ve decided to follow after so long but nonetheless, I hope that my writing remains to be enjoyable for you and your picky taste. 

Writing happens to be one of the few hobbies that I can confidentially say I’ve stuck to since middle school and have tried my best to improve on. The messages and comments you say, long or short, comprehendible or not, I always go back to read them whenever I find it difficult to write. Writer's block is something that stands like a tall brick wall in front of me but because of lovely readers like you, I am able to break past and continue writing stories and improve with how I can paint a picture with words. 

As a college student myself, I can sympathize with you on how off-tack college takes you and the struggle and burdens that come with it. 

When I write, I’m often emotionally high/or juiced and writing is a means of grounding myself. I feel glad that you find a similar sense of comfort and happiness – I try my best to convey those emotions in my writing. 

‘your writing is a warm hug’ projectile tears coming out of my eye holes this is the most touching thing anyone has ever said about my writing I THANK YOU SO MUCH.

This is the first time I’ve received such a letter and I will be saving this for the longest time! It feels like I’m actually a writer. Again, your kind words have me over the fucking moon and beyond happy. I hope YOU also have a wonderful year, I luv YOU, and YOU stay safe and I am sending YOU the good vibes as well!