#he does what i do where he distracts himself heavily to avoid dealing with emotions because wtf gang | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

imasimpforshanks · 4 years ago

Note

hi! i love your stuff so very much!!

can i request the angst alphabet with zoro?

thank uuuuu ❤️

Angst Alphabet - Roronoa Zoro

a/n: hiya!!! thank y’all so much!!<3 hope you enjoy this 😌

A-Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)

He may not blame himself entirely if you were to die in an accident. But Zoro would think himself weak. How could he possibly become the words greatest swordsman if he can’t even protect his s/o.

B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)

Before breaking up with you Zoro would start to distance himself a little to try and make it easier on the both of you for when he does break up with you. Other than that, he is likely to just come right out and say exactly what he wants to say. He’s brutally honest and straightforward so he won’t try to sugar coat anything or beat around the bush.

C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)

Zoro does this horrible thing where he likes to overwork himself to the point of exhaustion. No matter how many times you tell him to stop and express your concerns for his health, he just doesn’t listen. It hurts seeing the man you love more than anything exhausting himself.

D-Death (how would they react to your death?)

Speaking of overworking, after your death he works himself harder than he ever has before. Day in, day out he’s training. He trains every possible minute to distract himself from your death and make himself stronger to ensure he never loses a loved one ever again.

E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)

Being openly vulnerable is something Zoro doesn’t like to do. He really only shows his vulnerable side with his s/o and even then, it took him a really long time to do it.

F-Fight (do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.)

Very rarely do your fights get serious. Your fights are often just light-hearted teases and jokes towards one another. Where its always followed by laughter or eye rolls.

If your fight was to get serious, it would result in a lot of yelling at one another and with Zoros blunt personality, a lot of hurtful words (which he ALWAYS apologizes for in the end).

G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)

The events of Sabaody weigh heavily on Zoro’s mind. He was the first one to get sent away by Kuma, so feels as though he failed not only his captain, but the whole crew as well. He wasn’t there to protect them, to help them. Instead, he was a complete failure. And, because of his weakness his captain had to fight and suffer alone.

H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)

During a break-up Zoro does what he would in any other situation: workout. He keeps himself occupied by working out, and actually he drinks a little bit more than usual too. It could even get to the point where the rest of the crew feels as though they need to step in.

I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?).

He turns dark. Basically, a demon in human form. Moves you from wherever you are so that you’re out of the way of more danger AND THEN HE TIES HIS BANDANA ROUND HIS HEAD BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS SERIOUS.

J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)

Its ridiculously obvious when this swordsman is jealous. He gets super grumpy and tries to intimidate the other person. He’ll stand right behind you and honestly, that’s intimidating enough on its own. But, if the other person doesn’t get the hint he’ll place his hand, ever so casually, on his swords.

K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)

Ever since joining the Straw Hats, Zoro doesn’t kill others (its not something Luffy wants his nakama to do, so Zoro doesn’t do it). However, that mindset goes straight out the window depending on who he’s taking revenge for (i.e if it’s for his s/o).

Most of the time Zoro just leaves them wishing they were dead. (this seems to be a common thing amongst One Piece characters).

L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)

I would actually say losing some of his pride. Zoro is a poud man, who refuses to lower his head to anyone. However, after receiving the message from Luffy to train and meet up again in two years, Zoro knew he had to lower his and beg Mihawk for his guidance. It was definitely a hit on his pride, but, honestly… He doesn’t regret that one bit – anything for his captain.

M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?).

During one of the few big fights you guys have had things got really heated and the fight ended up getting so off topic. Insults and mean words were being thrown out left and right. Zoro got so caught up in it all that he said something that targeted one of your deepest insecurities. He knew he had screwed up so badly when you walked away without even saying anything.

N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?).

He doesn’t often get nightmares, but when he does they tend to be about Sabaody and when the crew got separated from one another (or really any other incident where he was unable to help properly). After he wakes up, he gets straight out of bed and starts working out – determined to make sure nothing like that ever happens again.

O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)

Zoro doesn’t get mad at you for much, mainly if you pay any attention to that shitty cook, like seriously, he doesn’t understand why you have to give Sanji any attention when Zoro is literally your boyfriend….

P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)

Even though you never found out exactly what happened on Thriller Bark (its something Zoro refuses to tell even you), it made you realize that you need to step up and not rely on Zoro so much because although he may act like it, he’s not actually indestructible.

Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?).

(SORRY I FEEL LIKE I’M BEING VERY REPETITIVE HERE AH BUT YEAH…) He never allows himself to heal from an injury properly. He always starts training immediately despite Chopper’s best attempts to stop him.

R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around)).

If you were to reject his confession, he’d probably try to justify it to himself by saying “yeah actually it’s probably better this way. I don’t need anymore distractions in life.” But, he would definitely be a little down in the dumps about it. He made himself vulnerable for this and it didn’t work the way he wanted.

S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)

Zoro has many scars. The scar over his left eye was a result of his two years of training with Mihawk, though no one knows the exact cause of it – only that it appeared during those two years. Zoro also has a scar on his chest from his very first encounter with Mihawk. He may also have scars on his ankles from the time he tried to chop of his own legs on Little Garden (I can’t recall if these are actually scars or if they healed completely).

T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?).

This answer is short and sweet: No. Never. Not even in his wildest of dreams. Loyalty is basically Zoro’s entire character. He would never violate your trust. If he did… well Zoro, wouldn’t be Zoro anymore. (only thing he’s done that comes close is keep you from finding out what really happened to him on Thriller Bark).

U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)

Honestly, he is probably one of the few who are able to cope with missing you the longest. He still wants to see you of course – your presence is reassuring, so he definitely prefers when you are around – but he can handle not seeing you for a while by focusing on the task at hand and just remembering that this separation isn’t permanent.

V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?).

Similar to what I’ve said before, he says some really harsh things. He has always been blunt and straightforward, but when he’s lashing out at you he tends to make things a little more personal.

W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?).

Zoro hates losing. Not because he’s competitive or anything but because losing makes him feel weak. Whenever he loses he feels so far away from his goal. To make up for this he works out. He trains and trains and trains until he can no longer move. He will keep going until he never loses another fight.

X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)

Obviously, he shows his hate of Sanji very frequently. The two pirates are constantly arguing and at one anothers throat.

But another thing he hates is people getting in the way of his dream. He agreed to join Luffy so long as he didn’t get in the way of his dream – and if luffy were to get in the way Zoro made him promise to commit seppuku (although whether or not I think Zoro would actually make him do that anymore is a different thing that I could go on about for a while so imma stop there…).

Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)

Zoro wants to be the world’s greatest/strongest swordsman. It’s not currently a title he can have, however, day-by-day he is getting just that much closer.

Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)

I don’t think a lot is said or done by Zoro in your final moments. He probably whispers a few thank you’s and I’m sorry��s. He won’t mourn properly until he’s completely alone.

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece headcanons #roronoa zoro #one piece imagines #angst alphabet #one piece alphabet

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t4tlawlight · 4 years ago

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Occam's razor is the principle that, of two explanations that account for all the facts, the simpler one is more likely to be correct.

this post is going to cover traits specific to the manga and the television drama, since those are the best adaptations to showcase L’s autism. THIS POST is required reading before you read anything i’m about to type, because it explains what kind of character niche L falls into--an unintentionally autistic coded character. i’ll talk more about that at the end.

i’m going to talk about manga L first, since he’s the original version after all. i’m going to go in order of physical traits, to behavioral, to his character writing. also, tumblr eats posts that have outside links, so i’m going to have my non-tumblr sources in a separate post, here.

anyways, more under the cut!

MANGA/ANIME:

sitting with his legs up and spine bent / sitting on the floor

this is such a big one and its extremely common in ppl with autism. sitting in chairs normally is uncomfortable to outright painful w many ppl with these disorders, myself included. L sitting like that (which, to recall, is a blatant homage to sherlock holmes, another character that is so blatantly autistic coded you can find absolutely ridiculous amounts of writing on the topic) and being like "I HAVE TO SIT LIKE THIS TO THINK PROPERLY" is so autistic. like sitting in a certain way to give you specific sensory stimulus/avoid distracting discomfort and pain is a thing. i found this post (1) written by an autistic person on the topic of sitting in chairs being uncomfortable, and it says as much:

“I suspect that seating discomfort is common in autism (though by no means limited to autistic people). Many of us, particularly as children, benefit greatly from chairs designed to be non-stationary: rocking chairs, “fidget” chairs, and so forth. These can improve focus, compensate for proprioceptive hypo-sensitivity, and alleviate restlessness. In short, many “attention issues” can be fixed simply by providing a little motion for the person sitting. Small change, huge results. That's what accommodations do at their best. They make (often minor) adjustments that have profound impacts.”

so when L says that sitting the way he does, for a specific sensory experience, improves his ability to think, it’s perfectly in line with this idea. Also it’s a good pressure stim.

standing with a slouch / shifting his weight around

to begin: yes! it’s very common for autistic people to stand or walk oddly for a number of different reasons, from physical comorbidity to other issues such as dyspraxia (see: movie L). From an article by YAI (2), an I/DD (intellectual and/or developmental disabilities) community program:

“Kyphosis (a curved spine), collapsed chest, dropped shoulders and even scoliosis are observed in many of our patients. These myriad of postural issues may result from reduced strength, decreased biomechanical stability, or from a sensory impairment, such as apraxia.

Depending on the scene, L has mild to severe kyphosis which is very common in autistic individuals. Other things mentioned in that article if you want to click on it is instability in standing, where you sort of shift your weight around a lot between your feet or rest all of your weight on one foot, which L is literally doing the first time we see all of him.

speaking with a monotone voice.

i obviously can’t show a picture for this one and it honestly depends on the voice actor you find for L, but in the anime in particular L has a very flat tone. a lot of this is bc he has a dry sense of humor but. just know that it’s very common for autistic people to have a flat affect (or go the other way into being too loud/emotive).

his eating habits.

a lot (a LOT) of autistic ppl myself included can only eat certain kinds of food for texture and flavor reasons. HOWEVER there’s a term in the autism community called “samefoods” which is really well put by tumblr users candidlyautistic and autism-asks:

“Samefoods or samefooding is a community word to describe the autistic trait of eating the same food over, and over and over . . . It is part sensory, part routine driven in most cases. A lot of times we samefood because we need that particular mouthfeel / texture / taste, and a lot of times even after that need passes, it turns into a need for routine until you actively dislike that food again.”

“Samefooding on the other hand is closer to a special interest. When I have a samefood (chocolate ice cream, currently), I really, really want that food. I could eat that food endlessly and not get tired of it. I will get upset if I’m not able to have the food in a day. For me, it usually is kind of routine based as well. For instance, with my current samefood, I have some in the evenings and it’s become part of how I wind down from my day.”

we don’t know exactly why L specifically desires sweet food or if he considers it part of his routine, but what we do know is that he really wants to eat sweet food and avoids eating anything other than sweet food, so it could either be that he’s a picky eater and can’t handle savory or he’s samefooding on sweets!

wearing the same clothes

L wears the same clothes every single day. It’s also worth noting that what he does wear is baggy, too-big clothing, the kind that wouldn’t be tight and uncomfortable. once again, sensory issues are a huge thing for autistic individuals. one of my favorite aspects is that in no adaptation does he wear socks. even L wears shoes, he wears them like slippers, not putting them on all the way. people comment that he seems like he’s poor, but we know for a fact that he’s very rich and that wearing these clothes is a personal choice he made.

not caring for himself/outsourcing his self-care

i don’t think one day is exactly canon, rather it’s an exaggeration of what might actually happen--i.e. L doesn’t have a huge closet full of the same outfit, but he does have several versions of the same outfit on rotation; L doesn’t use a human washing machine, but Watari might help him/encourage him to bathe regularly. One Day is a parody comic, but it was made by the creators for a reason and that reason is that L pretty obviously relies on a caretaker (Watari) for his personal needs. Watari, in the manga proper, cooks and cleans and does most things for L. we’ll come back to this topic when we get to the drama though.

doing stimming behaviors

if you don’t know what stimming is, it refers to self-stimulating behaviors, usually involving repetitive movements or sounds. everyone stims to some extent, but in autism it tends to be more obvious, go on for longer, and sometimes be more disruptive to others. it’s often used to help deal with sensory overload, or used to express feelings--think of an autistic person being happy and flapping their hands in the air.

there are a LOT of instances of L displaying stimming behavior, from stacking his food or things on his desk, to spinning in his chair, to biting his fingers/using them to press on his lips, to wriggling and tapping his toes. here are some specific instances:

there are a lot more. i’ll talk about more when we get to dramaverse, but if you rewatch/reread death note it’s definitely worth noting whenever L does something like this!

detective work as a special interest

ok, first and foremost i want to establish what a special interest is. Tumblr user cartoon has my favorite explanation of what a special interest is that i’ve seen to date:

“To have a deep, intense, passionate and incredibly focused / narrowed interest in a certain area of study, subject, topic or thing - to the exclusion of other interests. This interest is something that exists for the long-term, most often lasting for multiple months, years, or even you’re entire life “

L says that he only does detective work because it’s a hobby, and he finds it entertaining. We’ve also seen that he’s been at it for quite some time--if you take side content (the wammy’s house comic, LABB) seriously, then he’s been at it since childhood, with unwavering interest. it definitely comes across to me as L having a special interest in detective work, rather than it just being a normal hobby or a job for him, especially since he says it isn’t out of any moral obligation.

germaphobia

Germaphobia is very common for individuals with autism. a lot of the time it’s actually sensory issues associated with “dirty” things, and a lot of the time it’s because features of OCD are heavily comorbid with autism, including contamination OCD and such fears. regardless of the reason, though, L’s aversion to touching Bad Things is a very autistic behavior, and so is his resulting quirk that he tends to hold things in a very odd manner!

muted emotional expression

this is getting more into L’s character, but L tends to feel and express emotions in a very muted way. not to say he doesn’t have them, but for instance in the example above, L doesn’t have a solid grasp on what exactly he’s feeling. he thinks he might be acting irrationally and overemotionally because he logically should be afraid, but he isn’t sure, and none of these emotions present themselves visibly.

i’ve also seen it said that Ukita’s death is another good example of his muted response to emotion--he tells Aizawa to stay rational and his voice doesn’t waver as he tells him as much, but he holds himself tightly. for someone with poor emotional competence, these physical signs of distress can be hard to read in oneself, but Aizawa (a man who is extremely in-tune with his emotions) can tell immediately.

high logic, low empathy

L is also a character who, like many autistic people, lacks a certain degree of empathy. it’s not that he doesn’t have any, but it’s limited enough--and he values logic over it enough--that he’s willing to make extreme decisions and take a “ends justify the means” approach (such as using people as bait.) in the example above, L takes a moment to work through what it must actually feel like, which rings as very autistic.

bluntness/not caring about social convention

there are so many examples of this i honestly could list them all day, but L is a character who is very to-the-point and doesn’t care about mincing his words. he can be outright rude to the people around him, especially if he considers them not worth basic courtesy. see: Matsuda.

DRAMAVERSE

if you all knew me you should have known this section is inevitable. i’m not going to talk about every single adaptation because i do not have the time and the only other adaptation that is meaningful in that regard is the movieverse (i am fairly certain that movie L is dyspraxic) but on account of the fact that i don’t care about them i won’t subject you all to them here.

anyway, drama L shows much the same traits as animanga L above (they are, after all, technically the same character) but he displays them in different ways.

he has a much more advanced degree of germaphobia, with Watari saying he’s sensitive to outside air and spraying everyone who enters his space with disinfectant, but not making them wash their hands or anything like that, so we can kind of tell that his issues are more rooted, again, in a fear of germs rather than any actual medical issue. he wants to feel as though he is clean, not necessarily actually be clean. this is very common in contamination OCD, which has a high comorbidity with autism. (my girlfriend has a very good headcanon post about drama L and OCD that isn’t so much analysis than just plain fun, but it’s worth a read!)

he stims, but he has a different array of stims than animanga L--he chews on his jelly pouch bottles,

he tosses it between his hands,

he kicks his feet,

and he bounces in his chair.

he still sits in an unconventional manner. he still samefoods, this time even more exclusively--he only eats Lucky Charge jelly pouches and nutritional bars. Watari onscreen puts his shirts on for him, as well as cooking, cleaning, and mending his clothes for him.

however, there are a few traits that are drama-exclusive that i think really add to an analysis of his autism!

social scripting

social scripting and echolalic scripting are both commonly described as “scripting,” but are very different! echolalic scripting is like echolalia, but echolalic scripting is the recitation of longer passages of dialogue from things the individual has heard before. but social scripting is when you memorize common conversations so you can rattle it off without worrying too much! this can be very handy, such as exchanging basic pleasantries or ordering food, but it can also backfire if someone responds in a way your script’s not set up for. you can find more information on the difference in this video (3).

now, this relates to L in that there are two separate scenes where L says the same thing, rather inappropriately:

L: When I consider Kira’s personality, could it be that the strong-willed daughter is Kira? Or could that sweet-looking son of yours surprise us by proving to be him? You never know what humans are hiding beneath the surface... Soichiro: Enough. L: Sorry. It was just a joke.

-- Episode 2

L: Light-kun. Oh, I’m sorry... If I called you “Yagami-san,” it would be the same as what I call your father. Light: That’s okay. Call me whatever you want. L: Then what about Kira? (silence) L: It's a joke.

-- Episode 4

one could say that L just has a terrible sense of humor--and, of course, having a poor grasp of humor is common with autistic individuals--but the fact that he says nearly the same thing as a defense twice makes me feel as though he has it rehearsed as a defense when people react poorly to things he’s said, which happens often.

mirroring and echolalia

echolalia was briefly covered in the previous example, but for those unaware, via wikipedia (4):

Echolalia is the unsolicited repetition of vocalizations made by another person (when repeated by the same person, it is called palilalia). In its profound form it is automatic and effortless.

mirroring, on the other hand, is explained as such, also via wikipedia (5):

Mirroring is the behavior in which one person unconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations, particularly in the company of close friends or family. The concept often affects other individuals' notions about the individual that is exhibiting mirroring behaviors, which can lead to the individual building rapport with others.

both of these are very common in autism, and they’re exemplified while L’s character is established watching his favorite TV show, Owarai Paradise. On one occasion, he’s watching the show and this dialogue happens:

Hiroshi: Despite never telling her how I felt, I still got dumped. I am Hiroshi. Watari: Who was this one again? L: He is Hiroshi. Hiroshi: I am Hiroshi. I am Hiroshi.

-- Episode 2

it’s important to note that in Japanese, “He is Hiroshi” and “I am Hiroshi” are said, at least in this instance, exactly the same, so L is echoing precisely what he’s heard.

On another occasion, L is again watching the show with a glass of wine (seemingly acquired simply to imitate the characters onscreen, as he never drinks it) and when the characters onscreen toast their glasses, L does the same, mirroring them.

CONCLUSION

I linked a post at the very beginning of this analysis talking about how characters are unintentionally autistic coded, and it’s important to understand how this unintentional coding is different from a headcanon--i didn’t make up these traits. they aren’t something that only exist in my head that i ascribe to L for fun.

i made this analysis both because i wanted to share L’s autistic coding in one cohesive place, because plenty of people have made lists before, but none that i could find that included so many examples with images and explanations--and i also made it because of the old ryuzaki persona “theory.”

for those unaware, the ryuzaki persona headcanon suggests that L faked all of these traits in order to make people uncomfortable, to put them off-guard and better mask his identity. i’ve seen posts about people claiming that nobody could actually behave in these ways, that L would surely be unhappy and uncomfortable sitting like that, or eating like that, or engaging in any of these behaviors. I’ve seen some people outright say that L isn’t autistic, but his persona is--that is, he’s pretending to be autistic.

i named this essay “occam’s razor” because, to me, L being autistic is the simplest answer to account for all of these traits. claiming that an autistic coded character is faking it is ableist and it just doesn’t make sense with anything else we know about his character.

but if you want to know more about that, i recommend reading eyecicles’ first!L tag. it’s debunked it in more ways than i ever could.

anyways, in conclusion

#death note #death note drama #death note analysis #L lawliet

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likeshipsonthesea · 4 years ago

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I dare you to post their get together from chowder's perspective because you're an amazing and magical writer and I'd love to read it at any level of editing

well u did dare me :P inspired heavily by this post

the thing is, chowder really, really loves his new friends.

nursey is so cool and funny and nice and he knows all this poetry that sounds so cool and he always saves chowder a piece of pie when he isn’t there and bitty’s on a baking binge, and he helps chowder write Important Emails and doesn’t even complain when chowder asks him about the exclamation point in the third paragraph for the fourth time

and dex is really smart and has a dry sense of humor and he cares so much about people even when he pretends he doesn’t, he does his laundry when chowder does and lets chowder match all the socks while he folds both of their clothes with like retail level precision and he’s great to sit and work on coding with and never gets upset when chowder interrupts him to ask him why a certain part isn’t working right and he helps bitty make him soup and pastries when he gets sick right before finals week their frog fall semester

and they’re both swawesome at hockey, they do their very best to keep the dirty puck away from his net, and they are such swawesome people and literally the only thing he doesn’t like about his new friends is how adamant they are about not liking each other

he tries, at first, to correct their complaining when they come to him. “the guy refuses to listen to anyone who isn’t himself,” nursey groans, muffled, because his face is pressed against chowder’s pillow, and chowder very kindly explains that dex is a bit stubborn sometimes but he always listens to chowder, even when he has a differing opinion, and when dex wraps himself in chowder’s duvet like a burrito and grumbles out, “he acts like he’s chill all the fucking time just to fuck with me,” chowder says that nursey acts like he’s chill even when dex isn’t there and also, why do you think he’s acting?? i think he’s just that chill

but as time goes on he realizes that neither of them believe him because they haven’t seen it for themselves and, look, he could try and orchestrate some plot where they secretly see one another being good people and miraculously change their opinion about each other and they all become a happy trio of friendos with no animosity at all, but chowder is also an ncaa athlete, a stem major, and someone who likes to party a fair amount. he’s got no time for that kind of bullshit.

and so they go through spring term and things aren’t greeattt all the time and sometimes nursey and dex get into screaming matches on the quad and chowder just has to pretend like he doesn’t know them, but most of the time it’s good, it’s fine, and he really does love his friends.

then they lose the frozen four, something happens that neither of them will tell him about, and the fuckers go and gang up on him

it seems, after all the times chowder told them about how they’re both funny and good at hockey and passionate about school and all the other things they have in common, they decide instead to bond over their mutual love of chirping their very best friend in the whole wide world.

to be honest, he’s just glad they’re getting along.

and they still show up at his room all hours of the night and day to burrow into his bed and complain about each other, but at least now chowder lives in the haus and he can eat pie as he pretends to listen to them.

and maybe he starts noticing how some of the complaints aren’t necessarily the kind of thing you’d expect, like “how are his eyes so fucking green, it’s impossible to win an argument when he’s staring at you” or “have you seen how many freckles he has after summer break?? he’s like one giant freckle, it’s unfairly distracting” and despite not really paying attention, he starts to notice when the tone of complaining changes from i hate this guy to i hate how pretty this guy is

he never brings it up. once again, he does not have time to try and get his two best friends together on top of all his other responsibilities, but he notes it down anyway. for being-a-good-friend-purposes. like when ransom sets nursey up with a girl on the volleyball team, chowder spends the whole night watching monty python movies with dex on the couch, and kindly ignores the relief in dex’s shoulders when nursey shows up to breakfast the next day and relays that the date was a bust. and when they’re doing workouts at the gym, chowder very deftly navigates nursey away from the weights when dex is using them to spare him from turning into a mumbling mess at the sight of dex’s arms

and maybe he notices when they start becoming more self aware and the complaining-about-appearance becomes complaining-about-good-things, like nursey saying, in the middle of a rant, “you know he’s fixed betsy like fifteen times in the past two weeks? how the fuck can you fix an oven fifteen different ways? that’s insane” or when dex pauses his recount of nursey’s ridiculous chill behavior to mention, “he’s been editing ransom’s thesis because he knows how much ransom stresses over grammar and he’s like, really good at it”

and it’s probably at this point that chowder breaks the bro code and tells farmer all about his dumb friends and their dumb mutual infatuation, because lbr here the boy cannot handle all this pining on his own. “they’re in love with each other but they think it’s hate”

“i know, i know” farmer soothes, running her fingers through his hair

“why are boys so dumb” chowder laments

farmer, who is currently wearing her best bra and pantie set under her clothes, sighs deeply. “i don’t know,” she says, equally forlorn.

then, well, then the dib flip happens and nursey and dex are literally shoved together and either one or both of them -- chowder has an inkling that it’s dex, but he’s not sure -- seems to freak out and neither of them comes to his room to complain for the rest of the term.

and then chowder has the greatest summer of his life, his former captain wins the stanley cup, and bitty and jack get to kiss on center ice, and chowder gets to attend a training camp with the falcs and jack and he’s on the ice with twenty stanley cup champions and chowder doesn’t come down from this high until he shows up at the haus and finds out that something has gone horribly wrong.

despite the frequent texts, calls, and facetimes, dex and nursey didn’t seem to have as great summers as they’d made it appear. they don’t really tell him directly -- that’s another thing they have in common, never talking about their emotions plainly -- but from what chowder can glean from what they do tell him, is that dex’s family seemed to take jack and bitty’s coming out as evidence towards dex’s queerness and they were dealing with it... less than great, and nursey’s parents had a fight and had since been jettisoning around the world for “work” in an attempt to avoid one another and, as a result, nursey

the living together thing goes.. not swawesome. chowder is obviously disappointed that he no longer has his two best friends just a bathroom away, but after dex moves into the basement, both nursey and dex start coming back to his room for complain sessions again and it’s -- chowder wants to say it’s a good sign.

it starts out mostly complaint complaining, the familiar stuff from their frog year, but slowly but surely as the year goes on the old “his fucking hair” and “he literally helped a little old lady carry her groceries to her car” come back into play and chowder lets go of some stress he hadn’t realized he’d been holding

“they’re going to make me go gray before i’ve even hit 25,” chowder says, another night when he’s complaining to farmer, and farmer says, “you’d look sexy as a silver fox,” and, well. the rest of the night is spent very much not complaining

senior year, they’ve got an ncaa championship under their belt and dex is the captain. he stops coming to chowder’s dorm, probably out of some sense of loyalty to his team that chowder finds both ridiculous and sweet. nursey seems to have no qualms complaining about his captain, on the other hand, but soon even the thin veneer of complaining he’d covered all his pining with has washed away.

“he’s so good with the baby frogs,” and “never tell this to another living soul, but his cherry pie is even better than bitty’s,” and, one memorable night, “do you think i’m in love with dex?”

it’s after sunset, the world dark outside chowder’s window but he’s not exactly sure of the time, and nursey’s lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and he looks -- chill. he doesn’t always look chill anymore -- looking back, chowder can admit that maybe the ever-present chill from their frog year had been more a show than anything else -- so this chill means something important, chowder thinks.

chowder thinks, smiling a little, that nursey is finally ready.

“of fucking course i think you’re in love with dex,” chowder bursts out with the frustration that’s a by-product of having patience for three and a half fucking years. “you’ve come into my room at all hours of the day since we were freshmen to complain about how pretty his freckles are, you’ve been in love with the dude for years, and i’ve had to sit here and deal with all of it.”

nursey’s staring at him with a slightly open mouthed, wide-eyed expression.

chowder gathers his poise and then says, very calmly, “yes.”

nursey nods, once or twice slowly and then picking up speed. “wow. okay.”

“i’ve been holding that in for a while.”

“i could tell.”

“hmm.”

a stupid, hopeful, optimistic part of chowder thought that would be the end of it. nursey realized he’s in love with dex, he’d tell dex, and they’d be all stupid and gross and finally chowder would get them back for years of fines.

but nothing seems to change. nursey still comes in and ostensibly complains while pining and dex still doesn’t, instead apparently baking away his frustration (and it’s not like chowder’s going to complain about that) and really, chowder should’ve known these two idiots would need more than a few sentences to get over their combined stupidity

it comes to a head a week before graduation. never let it be said that chowder’s friends are anything less than Dramatic Fuckers

he’s helping dex pack away everything he won’t need in the next few days so when he and nursey leave for new york after graduation there won’t be much to do. he finds a random green beanie in a drawer with dex’s workout clothes and says, “hey, where should i put this?” and dex gets the most ridiculous sappy look on his face.

he hasn’t technically been chowder’s captain since the season ended with a back to back ncaa championship a month ago, and it’s not like dex has any authority over him after how many times he bugged chowder about nursey’s nose, so it’s without hesitation and with purely dex’s best interests at heart that chowder says, “you know you’re in love with him, right?”

dex surprises him then by saying, “yeah.”

a vein in chowder’s neck nearly pops. “then why the fuck have i been listening to nursey pine about your eyelashes for months.”

dex’s eyes widen and, when he gets over the surprise elation whatever, he stumbles over some stupid explanation that captains shouldn’t date their players and it wasn’t the right time and all this other absolute crap, and so chowder does the most meddling he’s ever allowed himself to do and tells dex that he will finish the packing as long as he goes and finds nursey right this fucking second

when nursey and dex tell the story to him and farmer later -- dex blushing and nursey embellishing with his arm curled around dex’s shoulders, pulling him close -- chowder will laugh and tease them and play his part as their very best friend in the whole wide world.

but that night, when he’s gross and sweaty from packing up dex’s entire fucking room and he can’t even sleep in his own goddamned bed because his friends are being exceptionally loud just one bathroom away, he shows up on farmer’s doorstep and says, with all the sincerity in the world, “i hate my friends”

#nurseydex #dexnursey #check please #The Frogs #chowder #chris chow #dex #william poindexter #derek nurse #nursey #my writing #sort of fic #ficlet #ramble fic #i tried to balance it between being a nurseydex fic #and being from c's perspective #idk i'm not usually good at that lol #but i am adamant that they all love each other so much okay #bffs for life!!!

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bthump · 4 years ago

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What do you think about the point in the story we are at now? Would you say you like the direction Miura is going in or not? What are the things you dislike about Berserk as it is now?

lol this is hard to answer because it’s so heavily dependent on what happens next. I think we’re at a point where everything could start coming together in a way that really appeals to me or where everything could just fall apart and I’ll have to accept that this is no longer a story I’m particularly interested in.

Though I am slightly leaning towards the former right now, whether that’s based on real evidence or mostly blind optimism I’m not entirely sure lol.

Basically I think it’ll depend on a) whether Moonlight Boy becomes a major motivational plot point or turns out to be more of a red herring or brief inciting factor in the shift to a new arc, and b) whether Guts and the rpg group overcome the imminent challenge they’ll face thanks to their personal growth and friendship or whether it’ll fuck them up.

But the reasons I’m feeling tentatively optimistic right now are:

all the foreshadowing re Guts losing himself to the armour and wreaking some havok, which has to happen at some point lbr

fetus as the focal point of Casca’s traumatic memories and symbolizing her thorn-covered heart, which to me screams sacrifice material, which would be the only thing that could make it time sharing Griffith’s body interesting to me (ie what happens to Griffith if it’s sacrificed?)

I’m gonna link this post because I’m still mostly feeling the basics of this theory, ie Skull Knight and Elfhelm in cahoots plotting to use the behelit to entrap the godhand, at Guts and Casca’s expense. Plus another possible way for Moonlight Boy to come to nothing is if it’s a manipulation of Danann’s.

I think Guts is purposefully being written as emotionally distanced from the rpg group, which is a good sign for the power of friendship not saving him yet, and there are also aspects of Guts+rpg group that parallel Griffith+Hawks in the golden age (eg Farnese’s feelings for Guts being paralleled to Casca’s feelings for Griffith, Guts gaining followers who compare him to fire, etc) which also gives me hope that tragedy will strike.

Miura’s little bait and switch wrt Guts and Casca’s relationship that honestly felt like gentle mockery of people who wanted them to immediately get together lol. Yk Casca getting sent out in a pretty dress to meet Guts complete with romantic double page spread and having a breakdown, then changing into pants and cutting her hair and saying how much better it is, and not being able to look at Guts now.

Also more recently, Guts at a loss now that he’s brought Casca’s sanity back and it didn’t actually solve any of his issues. “The hell do I do now?” “You have reached the end of your journey. It is not always a happy thing.” I’ve been worried for a while that Guts’ complex issues have been dropped and we’re meant to see him taking Casca to Elfhelm as him genuinely growing past them, and that one moment was such a huge relief when I read it lol. It really suggests to me that this sidequest was always about Guts trying to find a distraction to avoid dealing with his actual issues (fear/trauma, insecurity, love/hate feelings for Griffith, regret, etc), and those are going to make a return sooner rather than later.

Miura implying in interviews that we’re not all that close to the end, so there’ll probably be at least one more arc after Elfhelm, which gives me more hope that this whole rpg arc will lead to some amount of narrative-shaking tragedy and we’ll get some interesting stuff after.

this parallel with the climax of the Millenium Falcon arc and my firm belief that it has to come full circle.

other stuff like complex apostle characters, the lost chapter worldbuilding, schierke suggesting that her elemental guardians are holy see angels alongside implications that holy see angels are the godhand. Basically my hopes for worldbuilding that doesn’t boil down to good spirit world vs evil spirit world.

all the little suggestions that NGriff isn’t as emotionless as he’d like to be that have nothing to do with a demon fetus giving a shit about its parents

So I guess my answer is that I do like the direction I hope Miura’s going in, but there’s also enough counter evidence that I may be wrong about that direction.

So some of the things I dislike about Berserk now are:

Moonlight Boy and the Fear that he will derail everything and the plot will soon revolve around, idk, Guts and Casca trying to free their kid’s soul bringing them closer together or some awful shit like that.

Moonlight Boy and the Fear that Miura is actually going to ignore the absolutely incredible foundation he wrote in the Golden Age to support the hints of Griffith’s current capacity for emotion in favour of pinning it all on a magic baby.

I have some lowkey fears that Guts “bleeding” for Casca is gonna be a thing, largely based on me recently re-reading the scene where Farnese gets upset about everything Guts has done for her while bathing her. Like yk, maybe Casca will remember Guts saving her and warm up to him... tho in all honesty I can’t actually think of an example of Guts being the one to save her post-Eclipse lmao, he fucks it up every time. Maybe when he first put on the armour and killed an apostle in front of her or w/e, yk. Some shit like that. Like I can come up with 50 counter arguments but those only work if you accept the basic premise that Berserk will be good, yk?

The fear that we are meant to understand that Guts has overcome most of his flaws throughout the Millenium Falcon/Fantasia arcs and will get a big moment to demonstrate that and overcome the armour or save Casca or whatever.

And less speculatively and more generally, like many people I’m not a fan of the current art style, I think the larger cast on Guts’ side is causing some poor writing and not helping the pacing issues (and tbh I think Berserk is paced fairly well up until the boat stuff), I don’t like the lighter more comedic tone right now bc I got into Berserk for the grimdark vibe and tragedy and characters succumbing to their fatal flaws and making huge mistakes and I miss that a lot. I’m not saying Berserk can’t be light and funny and campy but I prefer that Black Swordsman or Conviction Arc style where it’s offset by a lot of fucked up shit, or Golden Age style where there’s an underlying sense of dread bc we already know shit’s going to go wrong, yk? If shit does get dark soon I might end up being a lot less critical of the current tone on re-read tbf.

So basically to sum up:

hopes: tragedy, character flaws that haven’t been dealt with yet coming home to roost, Moonlight Boy becomes a non-issue.

fears: power of friendship staves off tragedy, slower gtsca romance, moonbaby affects plot and emotions, guts’ flaws get brushed under the rug instead of fucking him over

I can argue that the former makes a lot more sense than the latter, but I’ve been burned a lot in my life and I know a lot of fans would argue the latter makes more sense than the former so yk, everyone has their biases including me and idk how blinded I am by those biases lol.

Anyway ty for asking!

#Anonymous #a #ask #theme: speculation #theme: critique #arc: f #theme: opinion

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dayables · 4 years ago

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4 and Shin? That's a dark one, but you write him well so I'd trust you with it. If you want something lighter instead, 17 for Shin!

Thank you for asking this! As you can see, I got into a very deep ramble about his life pre-death game and it doesn’t really tie in but I’ve kept it there :) The last few parapraghs are the actual answers ahaha. Play some sad music in those paragrapths because I nearly cried with halloween music in the background. 4) What they would do if they had one month to live. If Shin had one month left to live? We see it in the game kind of. Or at least kind of. Obviously imitating your ‘scary friend’ most likely abuser to try and turn everyone against your biggest threat isn’t going to work in real life.

What the game and his 0.0% score does tell us (or heavily shove in our direction so we infer it) is that Shin is petrified of certain death to the point of desperation.

I do believe/headcanon that he is a very logical person. Almost everything he does is backed up by logic in the death game except for his last moments because screw logic that’s never worked before. (The opposite of Keiji who’s likely very emotional until his potential last moments but this isn’t about him). So the question is, when did Shin’s last moments begin for him? As the player, it’s when it’s that final choice between him and Kanna. To Shin this is likely a very different response. His last moments start the very second he gets told he’s doomed to die. Almost all of Shin’s choices in the game are emotional. Trusting Sara or at least earning her trust is the logical choice here. Making yourself her enemy because you are scared is the emotional one. He just lies to himself on the basis that she’s untrustworthy. Which, you can trick yourself into believing is logical. It triggers a kind of flight or fight response in all our characters when they realise they can die here. All the cast barr Shin choose to fight and try and escape. Shin chooses the flight option here. Nothing he does actually prevents his death in the end. He just runs away from the inevitable doom.

I am once again inferring by comparing him to rest of the cast the death is a deep rooted trauma (and I definitely have thoughts on why). While the concept of death is one that scares everyone, no one seems to revel in it the way Shin does. He is living an incredibly safe life. A free lance programmer (by the sounds of it) which earns an average of £60 an hour. He has a side job at a convenience store (that wasn’t a lie). He doesn’t leave his apartment much meaning he doesn’t have much of a social life. Shin is in a position in life where it’ll be near impossible to hurt him. Obviously he isn’t earning 60 quid an hour, but he has the potential too. Once he’s set up and successful, he’ll be able to die old. Alone, maybe not happy, but old. For a guy likely in his early to mid twenties, things are bound to change but only as much as he lets them. From one person who will happily spend all their life in their own company to another, Shin isn’t going to change that. Not when he’s too scared to let someone past arms width and will avoid doing so. By the time he gets his game together and his skinny self to therapy it’ll likely be too late to make the same connections he has the chance too at his current age. It’s not emotional because even the most introverted of introverts desires a life all alone. It’s a logical one for the fears and life he has. I don’t think that means he isn’t happy. It just thinks there’s a potential that he could have been happier.

For Midori to have gotten as close as he was and no one to pull up the red flags his friends either didn’t care or didn’t exist. Most likely the latter seeing as he is very much in the process of mourning three years after his friends death. He likely wasn’t close enough to his parents to feel he could go to them over something as silly as Midori’s death. In the aftermath, Shin will be confused and muddled. In some ways, he’ll be elevated because he is free, he can move on. In other ways he’ll be lost, devastated and empty. Shin will also have a semblance of independence back. He doesn’t think he shows enough gratitude to his parents for materialistic items. Midori’s abuse was likely emotional or verbal. It probably consisted of vague threats, put downs, anger, power dynamics and a shrug at Shin’s emotions. I’m in no way a professional but after years of this Shin is going to think his emotions are something he should be able to handle himself, something he might not be able to do if he started to repress them in his teens. Shin likely has a warped sense of independence. Instead of being free from others control, he’ll likely think it means he can’t get help and must deal with everything alone.

Being told that his death is round the corner strips two things that he values most away from him. He now has zero control over his life and worse, it ends with him dyeing. Shin would grasp for straws to have that independence back and therefore escape his own death. If he couldn’t get his independence back then he’ll try and avoid the end outcome.

His last month would be a goose chase to avoid death. There’d be a list of everything he has to do. Fuck his jobs, fuck debt he needs to get to the hospital. Get checked up! Make sure he’s well. He’d do it everyday. Does he have enough medicine? Wet wipes, stock up on healthy food, hand sanitizer? Does he have enough hand sanitizer? Make sure his room is squeaky clean, don’t let anyone in, don’t answer the phone. Bolt the windows and live off ramen and debt for the rest of the month. Beanie on, beanie off, what is he going to die from? Has he prevented any possible cause? He’s forgotten to call his parents. That’s fine because he shouldn’t be dyeing anyway. It’s logical. It’s all logical. This is not his fear of death speaking through everything he is doing is logical! Now he just needs to figure out what’s causing this all? How did that person know? Then on the last day. He’d just give up. He’d finally pick up that phone and call his parents. He’d thank them and explain. He’d apologize for the debt because he’s swimming in it then he’d hang up. Shin would then proceed to cry in bed all day and trying to sleep so he just doesn’t wake up. Then, while it’s a tragedy, I think he’d accept it. I don’t think he ever really thought he had a chance but his emotions drove him round and round in circles. Maybe he would regret his whole life and look back on it all. In a none death game scenario Shin seems like a brooder. He doesn’t have Kanna to live for so he has no reason to push forward. I think in the end he’d reach the conclusion his life was pretty pointless. Just as he’d slip from consciousness I imagine he’d think of Midori. Nearly everything we know about Shin seems to revolves about Midori . We, the player, never know him before the guy entered his life. That guy has a big impacts in his life and in a world where that was the only person to leave such a big mark? I think he’d go back to Midori. Especially with nothing to distract him from his mourning.

It’s quite sad really. He lets his fear control him too much. Midori controls him too much and they’re both aware of that fact. But in the short, Shin would try and avoid his death. Hell he’ll likely die of exhaustion or caffeine overdose

His ending in the main game, I think that’s the best way Shin could have gone at that age. Dying for Kanna and letting go of his cynicism.

Ending this off with 17 because I need that jokeness now, after all that.

17) What would they sing at Karaoke?

Everyone expects Shin to like bang out with some Beyonce or something. Maybe one of those silly little disney parodies. Everyone would make a joke about what he should sing because he’s indecisive as hell.

Keiji Kai and all of those mature adults suggest Single Ladies, Mr. Brightside, Fireworks, Wannabe because classic Karoke songs you actually have to be able to sing when Shin 100% can’t? Count them in!

Midori would suggest something embarrassing he knew wouldn’t even be funny to watch. Just painful.

Gin, Sara, Reko and Alice are snickering behind their hands as they suggest Poor Unfourtunate Souls, How Bad Can I Be (Alice ended up doing that one), The oogie boogie song and the price Ali reprise.

When he refuses Sara refuses to let him get away with not being painted as some corny villian and dedicates her singing of Cruella De Vil to him.

Then Kanna taps on his shoulder and tells him what to sing and A: It’s Kanna’s suggestion B: It’s not and a bonus C if he’s drunk: He gets to whack a certain police officer and teacher with a hockey stick.

And my inner theatre Kid shines through as he I say Shin sings Revolting Children and can’t get his letters write, drunk or sober.

‘R e v o t l i n !’ instead of ‘ R E V O L T I N G’

‘S P L L!’ instead of ‘ S P E L’

‘TOO LATE FOR YOU?’ Instead of ‘ 2-L-8-4-U ‘

I kid you not I have knows this song for years and I still struggle. You can not do that spelling rhythm first time.

Also the lines. The lines! We will become a screaming hoard.//Take out your hockey sticks and use it as a sword.// Never again will we be ignored.//We'll find out where the chalk is stored// And draw rude pictures on the board.

It’s such a childish song but it’s so hard. He struggles and struggles and one day he will get it because it’s so simple and why can’t he do it roght! Also, it suits him. Sue me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6PXm34OBP8

#well this is sad #Press F for Shin #I swear i started rambling #IDK man he gives me hermit vibes #Also like karoke #thanks for the ask!#I told myself this'd be a quick write up because the answer is so simple #This is why Im failing English.#I go in rambles like this #Stan Kanna and what she does for Shin #yttd #meta #shin tsukimi #Sou Hiyori

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scribbles97 · 4 years ago

Text

Left Behind - Chapter 41

PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3

Chapter 37 / Chapter 38 / Chapter 39 / Chapter 40

Read on Ao3

And now for the aftermath...

“It tried to kill you John!” Ridley snapped, her arm flinging out towards the projection of the AI that was still inhabiting Thunderbird Five.

Lucy could only lean back in the office chair and sigh. The conversation hadn’t gone the way she had planned, though in reflection she knew she should have expected as much. John might have been the quietest of her sons, but it didn’t make him any less stubborn.

He had his decision made about the intelligence- Eos he insisted -and none of them were going to change it.

“She,” John rolled his eyes, “Didn’t understand. Now that she does--”

“I can help protect John from any future threats to Thunderbird Five. I have already found multiple ways to provide better facilities for emergency oxygen and pressurisation that are flawed in your current system.”

Lucy didn’t like to think just how much access she had to things up there.

It was literally his life in her hands.

“Yeah,” Scott muttered, “And next time he upsets you, you can just turn off the oxygen.”

“I wish no harm to your brother.”

It was a drastic change from what she had been saying a day earlier.

“And what about the rest of us?” Ridley growled.

“Rids,” John frowned, “She doesn’t. She’s a child and she’s learning at an incredible rate.”

Lucy remembered her own thought from the previous day, the image in her head of a young child with hands pressed over her ears, shouting out in protest. The apologies that had followed once John had arrived home on the island had only backed up the image, a young girl pleading for forgiveness.

“What I did to John was born of emotions that I previously did not understand.” Eos added, “Fear should not be acted upon in the way that I did, and for that I am truly sorry.”

John shook his head, turning to face her, knowing it was his mother that held the final decision, “Give her a chance to gain our trust Mom. She is on our side.”

“We have enough on right now.” Scott glared at his younger brother, arms folded where he was leaning against the wall between Lucy’s desk and John, “Gaat’s come out of hiding, we’re still trying to unscramble--” His eyes caught hers as he cut off, shaking his head with a sigh, “There’s too much going on John.”

If Lucy hadn’t already been worried enough about Gaat being back in the picture as well as petrified at the thought of one of her boys being at the mercy of a rogue AI, Scott’s comment only served to add to her concern.

As far as she had known there wasn’t anything in need of unscrambling.

“What?” She prompted Scott, “What needs unscrambling?”

He was too quick to shake his head again, eyes staying locked on John, avoiding her, “Nothing, don’t worry about it Mom.”

Using her desk as a support, she pushed herself up, wincing as her weight shifted into her bad leg, “Scott.”

He was reluctant, tried to focus on anything else other than her. His eyes jumped from John, to the hologram of Eos, to Ridley, and then to the floor.

“Cat’s out of the bag,” John murmured with a shrug, “You’ve gotta tell her now Scott.”

“There are no cats in the office.” Eos responded, her lights flashing orange, “I do not understand.”

Ridley snorted, shaking her head as she turned to the door, “I’m not listening to this.”

The glance John spared her was one Lucy knew well, one she had worn enough times when teaching young boys about life.

“Eos, research idioms.”

Across the room, Scott sighed heavily, “Brains received a deteriorated message a few weeks ago. We have no idea of the source, and no idea how to improve the quality.”

Except, she knew what he wasn’t saying, she knew why they wouldn’t have told her, she knew exactly what it could have meant.

“John?” Eos chirped again, “Why do humans use these sorts of sayings?”

“Because sometimes it’s easier than saying what we actually mean.” Lucy found herself answering, only catching herself as she refocused on the room.

“You should acknowledge someone when they have given you an answer, Eos.” John prompted after a moment's pause.

“Oh, in that case, thank you… John I am unsure how to address your mother?”

John grimaced as he raised his eyebrows at her, silently asking what she would prefer.

“Mrs Tracy will be fine thank you Eos.”

Her focus was back on Scott, her hand waving off the AI in dismissal, “And you kept this from me?”

Scott shrugged, breaking his eyes from her as he looked to John for back up, “You’d just woken up, we didn’t want you to-”

“I could decode the message.” Eos interrupted.

“Eos,” John sighed, “It’s rude to interrupt when someone is talking.”

“Oh, I apologise Scott.”

Lucy’s attention was captured. Eos wanted to help them. She thought she could make a breakthrough where the smartest person she knew had failed.

“Do you think you could Eos?” She questioned, “Descramble the message, I mean?”

Lights flashed green, “I would certainly like to attempt so. May I ask if it relates to the programme I have discovered on Thunderbird Five searching for messages in deep space? As I have already rewritten this software to improve its functionality and improve the speed in which messages are received.”

Lucy blinked, only one question coming to mind, she didn’t know anyone that had been able to improve on the code John had produced, “How?”

John overrode her with a frown, “Eos, what did I tell you about all changes being run past me first?”

“Exactly that.” Eos replied, her lights green.

“Rhetorical question, Eos.” Lucy offered, trying to hide her smirk.

“Oh, thank you Mrs Tracy.”

“Why did you not check this with me first?” John clarified.

Lights flashed blue, her tone the same sort of apologetic as it had been before, “This was before we had that conversation.”

The AI had obviously made quick work of going through the satellite’s software, reminding Lucy of just how dangerous she could be.

“Scott?” John prompted, “Will you send it to her?”

“Yes,” Lucy answered for the eldest, knowing that they had to seize the chance, “He will.”

She could see the tension in Scott’s shoulders as he pulled his phone from his pocket, his mouth set in a firm line. There would perhaps be an argument later about it all, further discussions about the place of the AI in the family.

If she was willing to help them, she could hardly see a reason to reject her.

“This message is incredibly degraded,” Eos told them, “It may be past repair.”

John straightened, “Just try your best Eos.”

Scott looked to his mother, arms splayed wide, “So we’re just going to trust her now?”

“Trust has to be built and earned,” She shook her head, eyes darting to the hologram, “I’m willing to give her a chance though.”

She could see he wasn’t impressed, eyes dark and stormy as he glared up to the projection. In time she didn’t doubt he would come around, if Eos could prove herself, show that she could learn and wasn’t the same AI she had been the previous day, then there was no reason to destroy her.

“Thank you,” John murmured, eyes wide as he watched her, “I promise Mom, she’s good really, she just needs to learn.”

Scott huffed, shaking her head in response.

“Eos, what do you say?” The younger brother prompted.

“I am willing to learn.” The AI responded, “I have already learned much in the last twenty four hours, more than any simple human possibly could.”

Lucy couldn’t deny that she could tell the intelligence was born of John’s code. Too many of her words sounded too much like a young boy that had once gotten himself sent home from school for saying something unintentionally offensive.

“Eos, say thank you.” John rolled his eyes, “When people say they’re going to give you a chance, you thank them.”

“Thank you, Mrs Tracy.” She responded, lights flashing a bright green, “One day I will better understand your human customs.”

“I will warn you,” Lucy started, “Any wrong move and you’re out Eos. Don’t make me regret giving you this chance.”

“I will not, Mrs Tracy. However, the message Scott received is too degraded for even me to repair. John? May I use Thunderbird Five to continue to scan for any further messages being sent to us?”

Us, Lucy scoffed in her head, catching the look in Scott’s eye at the word.

“Yes, Eos.” John nodded, “If you need anything though will you please wait. I need to talk to Ridley without being disturbed.”

Blue lights flashed, “Ridley does not trust me.”

The sorrow in her voice was too familiar to Lucy, too close to a young red head that had come home from school not understanding why none of his peers liked him. It was hardly a surprise that the same boy turned man, had such a soft spot for the code baby he had seemingly created.

“She’ll come around,” John assured, the same way Lucy knew she had once, “Perhaps just steer clear of her for a while.”

Maternal instincts coming back to the fore, Lucy looked to the hologram, “If you need anything whilst John is busy, you may come to me Eos.”

A bright yellow lit up the hologram, “Oh! Thank you Mrs Tracy.”

A knock on the door and Hugh stepped in, nodding his head to Lucy with a tight smile, “Sally’s starting to worry that you need a break Luce.”

She had to roll her eyes at him as John took the opportunity to slip out of the door. It had only been a couple of hours since she had gotten up, maybe her leg was starting to ache a little but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t deal with.

Glancing across to Scott, she leant back in the chair, “Will you look into going over to the mainland kid? I really should get started on some physio, shouldn’t I?”

It was enough to distract him from the worry that had no doubt been niggling in regard to John and Eos. She could see it on his face, the way his eyebrows raised slightly from the frown he had been sporting. His eyes brightened and his shoulders straightened.

“Yeah, I suppose if nothing comes up we could go next week? Gives us a chance to keep an eye on…” He trailed off as his eyes drifted back to Eos’ hologram, he may have disliked the AI but Lucy had brought him up to be polite at least.

“I’ll watch it for you.” Hugh cut in, “And if we get stuck, I believe we have a new budding astronaut, do we not?”

It was Lucy’s turn to glare, Alan was her other big issue of the day, the youngest having been given a taste of what he wanted and unsurprisingly more eager than ever to be involved with the rescues.

She kept telling herself that it had been the only option in the moment.

Part of her felt like an idiot.

The door clicked closed and Eos disappeared as Hugh perched on the corner of her desk, his arms folded as he raised an eyebrow at her, “You okay?”

She wasn’t sure.

So much was happening at once.

John. Eos. Scott. Jeff. Alan.

Lee.

Where the heck was Lee?

Except none of it was meant to be her problem, everyone else was insisting on taking it all out of her hands.

She didn’t want it all to be out of her hands. She trusted her family, but where was her role in it? Since she had woken up there had been one thing after another that should have been hers to deal with.

Yet when she had, she felt like she had screwed up royally.

Why the hell had she let Alan on Thunderbird Three?

Looking back to Hugh, she shrugged, her mouth working, trying to find words. No sound came though, no words to be heard in the shade of the office as she swallowed against the new and sudden lump in her throat.

“Oh Luce,” Hugh sighed as his arms wrapped around her, “It’s okay. I promise, it’s all gonna be okay.”

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds 2015 #thunderbirds fanfic #scribbles writes #Left Behind #left behind part 1 #left behind part 2 #left behind part 3 #left behind part 4 #Lucille Tracy #John Tracy #Scott Tracy #Ridley O'Bannon #Hugh Creighton-Ward

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wintcry · 4 years ago

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WHAT: leonard snart believes his boyfriend died and invited the rest of the flash rogues to star city for a memorial service for their fallen comrade. WHO: lisa snart, mentions of evan mculloch ( @evan-mcculloch ), mentions of the flash rogue gallery, and a brief mention of barry allen ( @scxrletspeedster ). WHEN: december 10th, 2020. WORD COUNT: 1,505. TRIGGERS: death, grief brief mention of physical abuse, brief mention of alcoholism, and a lot of mentions of alcohol in general.

Leonard wanted to get the gang back together again ever since his release a few months ago but never wanted it to be for this reason. There might not be a body to bury but that doesn’t mean that they can’t have a memorial service for Mirror Master. The room is full of Rogues, dressed in their uniforms as a sign of respect whether they’re in the game still or not. Snart has a beer in hand — something he brought plenty of to go around since this was going to be a long evening. He spent over twenty thousand dollars on liquor for this. It might seem unnecessary to most but that’s the kind of man Evan was — always splurging when they all got together. Whenever one of their own is lost they come together to celebrate their comrade’s life. It left a bitter taste in most of their mouths losing another Mirror Master. Nobody is taking it quite as hard as Snart though.

Everyone has had a few drinks by now, everyone taking turns standing up to tell their favorite story about Evan. They reflected on how they all met him, remembering the cautious feeling that most of them were about someone taking Scudder’s place but also how quickly the boy won them over. It was obvious that his knowledge surpassed that of his predecessor so Evan became an important member of their team. Overall the stories reflected their time together . . . then for a moment Leonard smiles as someone mentions a time when Evan tossed Digger into his mirror world for talking too much and gave himself some quiet. They all became a family fighting Flash. They were a dysfunctional one but their bond together became tight-knit and extended beyond just putting on the colorful outfits. It was about more than thievery and gaining wealth. Sometimes they even got together just to drink and play card games. None of it will ever be the same now that they lost a member of their group.

His chest aches, never shown this much emotion before but this is for Evan. He loved that boy and Leonard will have to try learning how to live with the fact those three words never got to be said to him. He knew they had an unspoken thing going on but Evan deserved to hear it at least once . . . even if the words weren’t said back . . . at least then he would have died knowing. Leonard grumbles a little in his chair, tossing back the remaining whiskey in his glass as he slams the glass down on the table. He splurged to rent out this space too. He didn’t want them to gather in a funeral home . . . didn’t feel right when there wasn’t a body. Snart heavily sighs and looks around to where the drinks were setup. He already had three but a fourth will be needed if standing up in front of everyone was going to happen.

His sister looks at him with a concerned look, aware of how hard this must be for him. Surely everyone was aware that something was going on between them but nobody ever commented on it except for Trickster. “I’m fine, sis. You don’t need to stare at me like a hawk.” He moves to stand up while everyones minding and distracted. She places a hand on his forearm, blonde hair falling out of her face while looking up at her brother. “You’re not fine. I know you, Lenny. I think you should pace yourself.” There’s always a concern about Leonard becoming more like their father and heading down a road of alcoholism instead of dealing with how he felt. He tore his arm away gently, needing to get his hand on another drink. “It’s what McCulloch would have wanted . . . see us all so shit-faced that we don’t remember our names. I’m giving him one last party.” He takes a deep breath and Lisa understands what it was like to go through grief after losing someone close to you. She nods and lets him go.

Leonard appreciates the concern but knows what needs to be done. He makes his way over to pick up another bottle of beer off the table this time instead of more whiskey. Everyone seems to be having a good time and laughter can be heard. Evan being remembered like this in such a positive light from their friends is enough to make him have a glimmer of happiness in the midst of his anguish.

The bottle is lifted to his lips, taking a swig of the beer while stepping to the front of the room. It was time to do this — unable to be avoided after a few hours into this gathering. Eyes shift as the leader pulls his hood off his head, a ridiculous jacket but it got the point across. He left the glasses at home though, not planning on using his gun tonight. It wasn’t what this is about. He takes a deep breath. “Well, we have Flash to thank for letting us put this together.” His hand raises the beer up in the air, the one time they’ll ever toast the scarlet speedster. There’s some hollering at that statement as expected. His lips shift into a grin for only a moment before it fades back into more of a grimace. Theres more chatter around the room but it doesn’t take long for Leonard to gain control of the room again. “Settle down. I’m not done yet.” He gives everyone a look and everyone behaves. Axel leaning over the table eager to hear what the older man is going to say.

It feels like an invasion of privacy to allow himself be this open. “Where do I start talking about Evan McCulloch? He was the best of us.” He swirls the beer around in the bottle while he talked, maintaining eye contact with all the other criminals in the room. They all came a long way for this night. Some stories deserved to stay between them . . . even if his boy was gone that’s something he wouldn’t betray. “I never knew what it felt like to love. I told myself that my focus should all go toward this job. I’ve been at this for a long time. I have my sister and all of you. I thought that’s all I needed until Evan came into our lives. What a surprise, wasn’t he?” He chuckles a little and takes a sip of the alcohol, maybe too much and tries not to look at that pained look on Lisa’s face. “Seven years together and I never told him. I have to live with that regret. Nobody else is allowed to use the Mirror Master mantle again, I’m going to make sure of that. He was passionate about his craft and there isn’t a soul alive that would be able to live up to his work.” Leonard meant it and anyone who dared take it on would find themselves on the other end of his cold gun.

Leonard is selfish and doesn’t want to talk about the private moments he shared with Evan. Those late nights spent wrapped up in each other after one of their passion filled sessions. It was only for him. He inhales sharply. “I’m going to miss him. I’m not sure how to keep going but I think that Evan would want us to. He would want to see us getting drunk and tripping over each other. We should give him that, yeah? He can look down on us in amusement while we can barely walk home. I love him and hope that we meet again in the next life.” He raises his drink one last time. “To Mirror Master.” Everyone cheers and raises their own drinks in response.

Leonard finishes off his and stumbles off to the bathroom. He doesn’t want to look at anyone else right now. He throws the glass bottle at the wall and just screams. He doesn’t know how anyone does this . . . nobody ever warned him how falling in love would hurt so much.

His sister slips into the bathroom, not caring about the sign on the door. She approaches him and wraps her arms around him. Leonard grew up not being allowed to as their father saw it as weakness. They would have gotten hit for shedding one tear but Lisa is softly telling that it’s okay . . . that he can let it out. Leonard wraps his arms around his little sister and just sobs. He wouldn’t have let his guard down around anyone else. They stay there for a while even after the tears stop flowing. He wasn’t ready to head back out to the party yet and that was okay. The Snart siblings sit on the floor against one of the walls together, not needing to say anything because they both know.

#ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴅᴇᴀᴅ? ᴛᴏᴏ ʙᴀᴅ. [ MUSE ]#ᴍᴀʀᴋ ᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋᴇsᴛ sʜᴀᴅᴇ ᴏғ ʀᴇᴅ. [ EVAN MCCULLOCH ]#child abuse tw #alcoholism tw #death tw #grief tw #i finally did it!

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willowknee · 5 years ago

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Changes- George Imagine

Title: Changes People: George X reader, ImAllexx Word count: 1790 Warnings: Swearing Songs to listen to: N/A Prompt/request: “I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me” A/N: This is the second Angst one-shot for George, one with a happier ending than the last

Being best friends with Alex and George definitely came with its perks, for one, you were never lonely and you never had to worry about being judged for the stuff you watch or the games you like to play, you always had someone to go out for meals with, and you had your own personal councillors who only charged in snacks. On the other hand, it definitely had its disadvantages too, for example, the fact that you were desperately in love with one of them.

One George Andrew.

For the most part, you were fine, you got on like you would any other time, and if you ever got shy, you would always find a way to play it off and pretend that you were acting shy when he made certain comments or jokes. But there were times where your Grammy worthy acting fails you, and that’s when you became jealous.

You would say you were close to George, really close, you confided in him about your past and all your worries and he confided in you too. That’s why it came as such a shock when out of nowhere George got a girlfriend. Just to clarify, it wasn’t you. You were taken aback, it seemed so out of nowhere, he had never mentioned talking to anybody or even having any interest in anyone.

You were hurt, to say the least, were you more invested in this friendship than he was? You hated being jealous, it was the one thing you hated the most about yourself, how easily you became jealous and how harsh you became, you hated it and you tried to avoid it as much as possible, to the point you refused to develop feelings for people in fear of getting hurt, but with George, it happened so fast and so hard there was literally no way you could have stopped it. You fell head over heels for him and for once, you didn’t mind.

When you looked at George you feel your breath literally catch in your throat and when he smiles at you, you can’t help but smile back, even if you had been sobbing your eyes out mere seconds before. The playful banter between you both is something you will always cherish, the times at 4 am when you were both still awake sat at the kitchen counter eating Alex’s cereal straight out of the box even after being told off multiple times by Alex himself for doing so, fights over what you would be playing, FIFA (George’s choice) or the new Modern Warfare (your choice).

Every moment with George felt like a treasured memory, but after he started dating his girlfriend he became cold, distant, once instant replies now took days to come through, and even then they were short and somewhat evasive. He no longer had time to meet up and spend time, even if you were at Alex’s and George’s apartment, he was either out or in his room with her doing god knows what.

When George first introduced you and Alex to her, you felt yourself distancing mentally, something you had done since a young age to help deal with stress, a coping mechanism as such, it was weird, really, you could handle stress. Art GCSE coursework? Fine, understaffed at work? No problem, but when it comes to emotional stress that’s where you seriously struggle.

She seemed… nice. You weren’t exactly sure what to make of her, she seemed to love Alex, was joking around with him freely but when it came to you, she seemed to have a problem. You weren’t sure if it was your brain just making up the evil glares and dirty side-looks but you knew you felt off about her, she clearly didn’t like you. You knew that would cause a problem, how could you and George continue to be friends if his girlfriend had a problem with you?

And you were right, of course. It did put a massive strain on your friendship with George, which ended up in a massive fight.

“We’ve been best friends for so fucking long, George! You’re seriously going to throw that away because of your new girlfriend who has a problem with me- for no apparent reason?!” You scream, finally catching him alone in his front room, his girlfriend nowhere to be seen and Alex had just popped to the shops.

“She is my girlfriend, for fuck’s sake, Y/N, grow up! I’m not a kid! I like this girl and I want to make this work, I’m not throwing anything away!” He shouts back, feeling just as frustrated.

“You fucking are! You’re so distant now, we don’t get to spend time together, it’s all about her, I get that you want to be with her, it’s a new relationship and it’s exciting- I get that! But you’re pushing me away, isolating me and it’s not fair,” You tried to get him to understand, but he ended up letting out a cry of rage, scaring you.

You hated confrontation and yet here you were, fighting. You were fighting for the attention of someone you couldn’t have. He clearly liked this girl if he was going as far as cutting you out of his life, you were being spiteful and you knew it, you hated that you were jealous when you had no right to be, George wasn’t yours, he was hers, it’s not you that he’s fighting for, it’s her. You knew that, but you still couldn’t help the tears that pricked your eyes as you watch the man you love, stand in front of you, slowly back away, as if he was disgusted at what he saw.

“Maybe if you fucked off and spent time with people other than me and Alex you could get yourself a relationship and you’ll be able to put yourself in my shoes,”

His words were like a slap to the face. If you thought him getting a girlfriend hurt, watching him turn into somebody you knew he wasn’t hurt twice as much.

“Maybe if you spent time with anyone other than your girlfriend you’ll realise you’re not you anymore, you’re not the loving, caring George we all know, you’re a dick.” You whisper the last part before walking towards the front door of their flat, needed to get out of there as soon as possible.

It felt suffocating, your breathing was out of sync and you couldn’t see as the tears stream down your face, why does it feel like you had broken up when George wasn’t even yours to begin with? You barely register walking past Alex who had heard everything and you didn’t hear him as he shouted after you, desperate cries for you to come back.

Alex turned to George who had come to the hallway to watch you walk away from him, he shook his head at the younger.

“Why don’t you just tell her the truth, mate? You’re both hurting yourselves for no reason.” Alex sighs, shutting the door, texting Gee asking for her to check up on you.

“I can’t… wait, what do you mean both of us?” George asks, whipping his head to face Alex.

“What do you think I mean, you idiot? How can you be so goddamn oblivious to her feelings for you? She fuckin loves you mate, has for a long time,”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t for me to say, but as good as she thinks her acting is, it was bloody obvious George, she loves the fuck out of you and you just fucked her off for some random ass girl whom you’ve never spoken about,”

George shakes his head, visibly at war with himself before he grabs his keys and races off, shouting a goodbye and thank you to Alex who just shakes his head in response, hoping that you two stopped being so childish and just accept the truth.

Half an hour later he finds himself outside your door. He gently knocks on the door, before knocking with a bit more force just in case you didn’t hear. You open the door and glare, still not over the hurtful things he had said, maybe it was true, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“Hi,” George says, quietly.

“Hey,” You reply, your words blunt and your tone flat.

“Uh, can I come in?”

You contemplate it but ultimately decided that if you were to argue, it would be best to do it inside than in the hallway where anybody could listen in. You step aside and open the door wide enough for him to walk in. He kicks off his shoes and puts them on the shoe rack, you didn’t like people wearing shoes in your house, especially on the light coloured carpet.

“Why are you here, George?” you ask, returning to your spot on the sofa, buried under your blankets.

“I’m here to apologise, I let things get out of hand, I turned into somebody I know I’m not and it only resulted in me hurting you, that’s not what I wanted,”

“What did you want then? It doesn’t make sense, George,”

He sighs heavily. “I wanted to forget you,”

Ouch. Talk about adding insult to injury.

“You’re not doing a very good job stood here then are you?” You snarl, wondering what was the point of him driving twenty minutes to your house just to say more hurtful things.

“No- look, Y/N. I wanted to forget you, things were changing and I panicked and thought the only way I could get some stability was to push you away and get a girlfriend, a distraction,”

“What the fuck, George? If you had a problem with me you should have just straight up told me to fuck off, not toy with me and drag someone else into this!” You yell.

“For fucks sakes! You don’t get it, do you? I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me! I’m in love with my best friend and that never normally works out well, does it?”

You stare at George as if he had magically grew a second head. Did he just say what you think he said?

“You what?”

“Just forget about-”

He never got to finish his sentence, you leap from your position on the sofa and run to him, barely giving him time to catch you in the process, you place your lips to his own in a very unceremonious manner, the kiss was rough and abrupt but it was perfect for you both, it was your first kiss and the first step into new territory which is both scary and exhilarating.

“I love you too, dummy,”

#angst imagine #george #promted

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writingpuddle · 5 years ago

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Could you share your hc of the foxes reacting to soft(er) affection(as they get) andreil??? Ps I owe u my life ty.

hello friend! to absolutely nobodys surprise this took like half a year to write, but i hope you enjoy!! it ended up being a lot more about andreil dealing with pda than the foxes reacting to it, but its soft as hell so who cares. ao3

—

The hallway was filled with the smell of pizza and the sound of chattering voices. Neil slipped through the door into the girls’ room, which was abuzz with conversation. It was only the original Foxes tonight, but there were still enough of them to make the small room feel crowded.

He ducked Matt’s offered drink and spotted Andrew sitting at the end of the couch, watching Nicky’s animated re-enactment of one of the final plays of tonight’s game with a blank look on his face.

Neil skirted the coffee table and perched on the armrest above Andrew. His eyes flicked up to meet Neil’s in greeting, then returned to Nicky. Neil repressed a small smile. Despite Andrew’s bored expression, the very fact that he was watching Nicky at all was evidence of his attention.

“In summary, I am a mad genius,” Nicky said. “We are so gonna win championships this year. I can feel it.”

“If the freshmen don’t ruin everything,” Kevin said from Nicky’s other side. He shot Neil a quick glance. “If we can’t play Neil and Jack at the same time, we’re at a major disadvantage.”

“I’m dealing with it,” Neil said, a little peevishly.

“No more Exy talk,” Andrew said. “The game is over.”

“Kev-iiin,” Nicky whined, prodding at him, “why do you have to ruin everything? Did you even see my tackle?”

“One good play does not make a season,” Kevin said.

“It’s movie night,” Neil said. “We’ll do a recap at practice tomorrow.”

Kevin looked like he was about to argue, but he stopped himself with a quick glance at Andrew. Neil couldn’t see what Andrew had done, but he felt faintly grateful anyway.

The lights flickered on and off several times. “Attention everyone,” Allison said. “We held a vote, and we’re watching Legally Blonde.”

“You were the only person that voted for that,” Dan said dryly.

“We did technically hold a vote though,” Matt said. “She lost, but she didn’t lie.”

“Legally Blonde is a classic,” Allison said, sticking her nose up. “You’re going to appreciate it, or else.”

There were a few mutters, but nobody really had major objections. Movie night had started as a post-game decompress, but it had quickly been established as tradition once everyone realized it was the only night of the week that they got to avoid the freshmen completely. Exactly which movie they watched was an afterthought.

Unlike many of Allison’s choices, this one seemed to strike something, because within a couple minutes even Kevin was snarking at the TV in Elle’s defence, while Nicky fruitlessly begged for everyone to please shut up so I can hear the movie.

Neil watched with some distraction. He’d still not really gotten into pop culture, despite Nicky and Allison’s efforts. He figured he’d just been out of the loop too long to care about getting back in it. But the movie was kind of entertaining. He admired Elle’s devotion to studying law, even if her ex-boyfriend seemed like a loser.

He propped an elbow on the back of the couch. Andrew’s eyes flicked up towards him before returning to the movie.

Neil dug his phone out of his pocket and tapped out a short message.

How accurate is the legalese

He heard the buzz of Andrew’s phone a second after it sent. For a long moment, it looked like Andrew would ignore the message, but as the scene slipped into another emotional confrontation with the ex-boyfriend, Andrew’s attention drifted from the TV screen to the phone in his pocket.

A response buzzed into Neil’s hand. Okay

From Andrew, that was as resounding an endorsement as Neil could’ve asked for.

Neil glanced down at Andrew, feeling warm and sort of fuzzy. The team was getting riled up by the movie and were paying him no mind. His body was heavy and sore from the game, but with actual striker subs playing this year, it was nothing compared to the post-game aches last year. Andrew’s head rested against the back of the couch a couple inches from his elbow, and Neil’s eyes drifted from the TV to the tufted strands of Andrew’s un-styled hair.

He tapped out another message, feeling a little lazy and a little bold. Touch your hair, yes or no?

A frisson of energy went through him when he pressed send. He tried to keep his eyes on the TV, posture casual, but he couldn’t help glancing down when Andrew flipped his phone open.

He paused minutely. It wouldn’t have been obvious if Neil hadn’t been watching; Andrew’s natural state was stillness. Neil bit the inside of his cheek as Andrew contemplated the message for a long moment, face hidden.

Finally, he typed out a slow response. It buzzed through to Neil’s phone. Now?

Neil gnawed on his cheek, debating the merits of a longer explanation. In the end, he just replied: Yeah

He closed his phone and focussed on the movie. Below him, Andrew opened his phone and read the message.

Neil figured he would need to think on it for a moment, so he was startled when his phone buzzed barely a second later.

Yes

Neil folded his phone away, his chest a little tight. He couldn’t remember what the movie was about anymore. Andrews’s eyes darted up to him again, almost wary, as he rearranged his lean against the couch to give him better access to Andrew.

Andrew exhaled heavily through his nose when Neil’s fingers slid into the fluffy mess of his post-game hair. He watched for a sign that he could stop, but Andrew just readjusted his shoulders slightly, head faced forward. Neil combed his fingers through Andrew’s hair, twisting the longer bits around his fingers. It was startlingly soft. Neil’s own hair was fried and twiggy from years of hair dye.

His gaze roved down the side of Andrew’s face. His eyes were half-lidded and hidden in shadows. Neil bit the inside of his cheek and returned his gaze to the TV, idly brushing his fingers through Andrew’s hair and marveling when Andrew leaned into his fingers like a cat seeking pressure.

A soft noise rustled across the room and Andrew stiffened, his shoulders tensing. Neil froze, his eyes shooting across the room.

Matt had one hand over his mouth, eyes wide with regret. His other hand was on Dan’s wrist, directing her attention across the couch. To Andrew and Neil.

Matt met Neil’s gaze and Neil gave a sharp shake to his head to stop him from saying anything.

It was too late. Allison had caught the movement. In seconds a half dozen sets of eyes were swinging over to where Neil’s hand was still buried in Andrew’s hair.

Neil retracted his hand a beat too late. “What?” Nicky said, twisting around in his spot next to Andrew. “What are you all looking at?”

Neil opened his mouth to tell everyone to stop gawking, but Andrew was already moving, pushing himself to his feet. Neil jumped up and followed him out the door, ignoring Matt’s apologetic protest. “Andrew,” he said, as the door swung shut behind them.

Andrew strode down the hallway to the stairwell, his movements jagged and tense. “Andrew,” Neil said. “Stop, look at me—”

He grabbed Andrew’s hand to slow him down and Andrew lurched to a halt, spinning around to face Neil. His face was pale in the naked fluorescent light, his eyes wide and flickering. Neil would’ve thought he was angry at how Neil had grabbed him if it wasn’t for the fact that Andrew’s fingernails were digging into his hand so tight that they were going to leave bruises.

“Hey,” Neil said. “Look at me.”

“Shut up,” Andrew growled. His grip on Neil’s hand didn’t relent. Neil took a slow breath, meeting Andrew’s gaze evenly.

They stared each other down in the stairwell. Andrew stood a couple steps above him, their hands linked in the open space between them. The buzz of the overhead lights droned in Neil’s ears.

Slowly, Andrew’s shoulders dropped, the muscle in his jaw smoothing out. Neil carefully shifted his hand, interlacing their fingers. Andrew squeezed, like he was reassuring himself that Neil was real.

Andrew turned back up the stairs again, this time without the frenetic pace. Neil let himself get drawn along by their linked hands, watching the lines of Andrew’s back.

Andrew shouldered his way out onto the roof, but he didn’t go straight to the edge like Neil expected. The door slammed shut behind them with a gust of wind and Andrew shook out his pack of cigarettes one-handed, propping one between his lips before tilting the pack towards Neil.

Neil shook his head. This close to Andrew, he didn’t need his own cigarette. Andrew folded the pack into his pocket without a word and dug out his lighter.

Smoke swirled and caught around them. Neil rubbed his thumb across Andrew’s knuckles, scanning the horizon. The sky was purple and bruised with storm clouds. Humidity hung in the air in thick curtains.

Neil’s phone vibrated. Andrew flicked his eyes towards him, but Neil didn’t make a move to grab it.

They stood shoulder to shoulder for a long moment as Andrew burned through his cigarette. Neil suppressed a shiver. His t-shirt wasn’t meant to guard him against the evening chill.

His phone buzzed again.

“Are you going to check that?” Andrew said.

Neil shot him an assessing look before scrounging his phone out of his pocket.

“Matt wants to know if we’re okay,” he said, looking up to study Andrew’s profile. “Are we?”

Andrew ashed his cigarette, a tiny wrinkle forming between his eyebrows. He didn’t say anything.

“Was it me touching your hair?” Neil asked. “Or was it that they saw?”

“I don’t care what they think,” Andrew bit out.

Neil read between the lines. “But it bothered you.”

“Nothing bothers me.”

“Am I still nothing?”

“No.”

Neil blinked. Andrew wasn’t looking at him, but the set of his jaw was tight. “Oh,” Neil murmured, looking away, a fizzing, bubbling feeling rising in his stomach. He wrestled it down before it could show on his face.

“It shouldn’t matter,” Andrew said.

Neil didn’t know if he meant what had just happened in the dorms, or this. He didn’t try to specify. “We don’t always get to decide what matters.”

“Don’t pretend at wisdom,” Andrew said. “I know you.”

“You do,” Neil said, resting his shoulder against Andrew’s. Andrew leaned back, just slightly, his broad arm radiating heat. “Are we okay?”

The wind gusted again, sending goosebumps rising up the back of his neck. “Yes,” Andrew said, after a few seconds.

Neil squeezed his hand, typing out a message clumsily with his left. Fine. Just needed space. Don’t wait up

Matt’s response came through instantaneously. Let me know if you need anything.

Neil closed his phone and shoved it into his back pocket. “Do you want to go back in?”

A longer pause. “Not today.”

Not today. But maybe tomorrow. Neil didn’t say it aloud; he didn’t need to.

“I’m going to head back inside,” he said. “I’ll text you when it’s done.”

Andrew nodded, a bare tilt of the head. Neil raised their linked hands and brushed a kiss across his knuckles. Andrew flexed his fingers when Neil released them, closing his hand and tucking it into his jacket pocket.

Neil lingered a second longer to make sure Andrew was really okay before slipping back into the stairwell. It was only a few scant degrees warmer, so he descended back to the Foxes floor quickly. The door to the girls’ room was still unlocked.

He pushed it open and had about half a second to edge into the room before Allison paused the movie and all eyes turned on him.

“Hey,” Matt said. “Are you–”

“I’m fine,” Neil said.

Allison rolled her eyes. “Right, we’ve never heard that one before.”

Neil shot her a glare. Aaron beat him to the punch, though. “Where’s Andrew?” he said, scowling at Neil.

“He needed a break,” Neil said, and nodded his head towards the TV. “You can keep watching.”

“Should we wait for him?” Renee asked.

Neil shook his head. At Renee’s prodding, Allison huffed and pressed play. Neil dropped into the spot on the couch Andrew had vacated. Nicky shot him an inquiring look, but Neil shook his head to dissuade questions.

The movie played onwards, not that Neil paid much attention.

Above, on the roof, Andrew watched the storm roll towards Palmetto, washing away the dust of a dry autumn. His hand in his pocket still burned with the imprint of Neil’s palm.

He rubbed his thumb over his fingernails and tossed the butt of his cigarette away. The wind mussed his hair, blowing away the ghosts of Neil’s fingers.

His hair was too intimate, he decided. That had been a mistake.

Hands, though. He could manage that.

Next time.

The first raindrops hit the roof and he pulled his jacket around himself, waiting for the storm to break.

#thanks anon #soft andreil #ish #aftg #fanfic #andrew minyard #neil josten #PDA

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hxseok-honee · 6 years ago

Text

i found | part 15

a/n: aye get ready for maximum flUFF IN THIS BOI - let me know what you think!

previous | next

__________________________________

“Are you kidding me right now?” Yoongi glances up from his dinner, brought to him by his favorite house elf, to look into Y/n’s eyes. She’s standing with one hand on her hip, observing his slightly beaten state with what he detects as disappointment swimming in her eyes. He rolls his own, turning fully in his spot to greet her.

“It’s not even that bad, stop looking at me like that time I accidentally transfigured your hair into yarn.” She can’t help the breathy laugh that escapes her, mad that he managed to bring this reaction out of her even in this situation. She takes a seat next to him and, ignoring all his protests, starts poking at his injuries to make sure none of them are serious. Annoyed by his attempts to evade her, she reaches out and smacks his arm, resulting in a groan of pain from a mouth full of food.

“What the fuck was that for?” Locating the potential bruise where her hand had made contact, Y/n tugs at his sweater until he aggressively agrees to remove it.

“It’s for being annoying and not letting me see where you’re hurt- can you help me out a little here? I’m trying to make sure I don’t need to drag you to the hospital wing.” He sighs, abandoning his dinner entirely to turn in his seat so she could pull at his shirt. He watches with a smirk as she focuses on unbuttoning it, not even realizing what she’s doing.

“Having fun?” It’s only now that she pauses in her attempts to be his doctor, finally understanding the situation she’s placed herself in. He holds in a laugh as he watches her turn incredibly red but regrets it immediately because as soon as she sees the look on his face, she’s reaching out to clamp down on his ear and tug it as hard as she can. He lets out a strangled yell, prompting the same house elf who brought him his dinner to appear in front of them. When she sees the situation before her, the tiny elf yelps once and disappears again, clearly as flustered as they are by the sight. Y/n releases Yoongi’s ear and leans away from him, leaving him to button his shirt again with a slight smile on his face.

“You’re so much more frustrating now that you actually talk to me.” Yoongi lets out a genuine laugh at her comment, causing her to turn her head and stare at him in the same wonder she always feels when he so much as smiles at her. Amusement still lingering on his features as he finishes buttoning his shirt, he glances up at her and catches her gaze. They hold it for just a second, the tiniest of moments, but Yoongi finds himself struggling to breathe even after she’s looked down at her lap. Pushing his relatively full plate toward her, he points at it with his chin.

“Have some. I’m not really that hungry, and you like those mashed potatoes more than I do, anyway.” She smirks down at it, choosing not to say anything about the fact that he’s taken note of what she eats. Lifting her head to peer at the side of his face and finding herself frowning at the cuts she sees on his skin, she pushes the plate away and meets his eyes steadily.

“Only if you promise to stop fighting.” He frowns back at her before averting his gaze, leaning his elbows on the table as he studies the designs on the wood.

“I don’t think I can agree to that. I don’t even start half of them, and I’m not just gonna let some arrogant kid beat my ass. Anyway-” He lifts his eyes again to meet hers. “-why do you care so much? I’m obviously fine, Y/n. A couple scratches and some bruises aren’t enough to do real damage.” She tilts her head to examine him closely, not even looking away when he starts to fidget under her gaze.

“I don’t like seeing my friends get hurt.” He sighs at her, shaking his head slightly as he keeps his eyes on anything that isn’t her.

“It’s not me you have to worry about. You should save all those concerns for your other friends. They’re not gonna be happy when they find out about me.” Swallowing hard when he hears her noise of surprise, he waits for her to respond as he keeps his eyes on the table.

“What do you mean? Where did that come from?” He shrugs awkwardly, like a disgruntled child, as he grabs his fork and starts pushing food around on his plate.

“It’s just something I’ve been thinking about for a few days… that they’re not going to treat you well after they find out about this.” He doesn’t even have to look to know she’s frowning.

“This?”

“Us.” He says it quickly, so quickly that she almost doesn’t catch it and even starts to ask him to repeat himself when it registers in her mind. Blinking a few times as she turns slowly to look at him, she’s not surprised that he’s not meeting her eyes again, but she’s a little shocked to see his knee bouncing anxiously and his ears turning a bit red. She tries to keep the smile off her face, but it seems to be happening without her permission. Clearing her throat once and taking note of the way his knee pauses at the sound before continuing its anxious bouncing, she addresses him as if things weren’t just a little uncertain between them.

“Well, they’ll probably be mad, that’s for sure, but… I mean, it’s not a crime to be friends with someone! Even the big bad Slytherin Prince.” She says the last part with a chuckle, hoping he’ll join in, but all he does is turn to examine her closely. Y/n coughs awkwardly, even going as far as taking the fork out of his hand and shoveling some of the mashed potatoes into her mouth as she wonders why it’s suddenly gotten so weird. Finding that he hasn’t looked away, she frowns at him slightly. “What is it this time? Was the Slytherin Prince joke in bad taste or something?”

“Don’t you realize that’s actually who I am, Y/n?” Taking her widened eyes and confused expression as permission for him to clarify, he continues speaking after a long sigh.

“All those rumors and ideas that everyone has about me? A lot of them are obviously bullshit, but the image is fairly accurate, Y/n. I’m the person that everyone avoids in the corridor. I’m the guy that every other guy in this place has tried to fight at some point to deal with their fragile masculinity- I put people in the hospital wing every week for fuck’s sake! And, what? You want to take care of me when I show up with a little cut on my face? You want to stick up for me to your friends when they find out about me? Why? Why would you put that kind of pressure on a group of friends that’s been together since first year- what could I possibly offer you that makes you willing to deal with all the trouble I’m going to bring you? I just-” Yoongi cuts himself off with a noise of frustration, running a hand through his hair as he finishes quietly. “-I just don’t get it. I don’t get you.”

Y/n watches him as he rambles, finally seeing everything he thinks of his position in her life. She sees the frustration in his eyes, the way he starts to breathe heavily and gesture to himself almost manically the longer he talks about himself, the longer he tries to convince her that he’s a bad person. She sees it all, and she hates it.

“That’s bullshit.” She meets his eyes fiercely when his head whips around at her words. She stares into his eyes, unyielding, as he processes what she’s just said to him. She can see that he’s shocked by the fact that she just negated everything he’s said to her, but he doesn’t bother questioning her because his questions are all there, in his eyes.

“That’s bullshit, Yoongi. I can’t tell if that’s what you actually believe about yourself or if it’s just what you’re trying to convince me of, but I’m not fooled. That’s not who you are, it’s just who you want people to think you are. I don’t know why you do it, I really don’t, but it’s not you. That guy who walks around ruling the castle with cold eyes and an unforgiving fist is not Min Yoongi. That’s just who you have to be to survive. But you don’t have to be that guy with me, so stop fucking pushing me away like you’re worried that one day I’m going to decide you’re no good for me. I’m not going anywhere.” With an annoyed sigh, she picks up his fork and keeps eating the food he’s clearly forgotten about, letting him know she’s done talking. She’s prepared to give him another speech just in case he argues with her again, but when she looks up at him, he’s staring into her eyes like he’s seeing her for the first time.

It takes all of Yoongi’s strength not to show all the emotions he’s beginning to feel. He stares at her for a few minutes after she’s finished her rant, taking her in as she steals his food and then meets his eyes almost in challenge. When he realizes he’s looked for too long, he clears his throat and looks down at his lap. He’s not entirely sure how he feels. Is he upset that she’s called him out so honestly, or is he just shocked that she’s been this aware of him the whole time? Either way, he has nothing else to say besides-

“Okay.” He hears her little hum of confusion, and she comes into his line of sight as she’s leaning in to hear him better.

“What’s that?” He lifts his head slightly to meet her eyes, blinking several times when he sees how close she’s actually gotten. The whisper that leaves him is not exactly what he intended to say, but he can’t help that he’s a bit distracted in the moment by her proximity.

“I said okay. I won’t push you away anymore. I promise.” They stay that way for a few moments, not even realizing that they’re both just sitting there staring at each other until there’s a loud popping sound right next to them, followed by the sweet house elf’s kind voice.

“Would Mister Min and Miss Y/l/n like anything else to eat or drink?” She says all this while scooping up the empty plate on the table, not noticing that she might have interrupted a personal moment. Y/n leans back, giving herself some room to breathe and try to cool her face while Yoongi tugs at his collar awkwardly.

“U-uh no, Cimny, thank you, we’re all good.” After bowing deeply to Yoongi, she disappears with another loud popping sound, leaving him alone again with Y/n, who looks mildly confused.

“Cimny?” Yoongi takes a glance at Y/n before smiling shyly.

“She’s my family’s house elf.” Y/n lets out a noise of surprise, something Yoongi’s learned over the past few weeks is very standard of her as she tends to be shocked by a lot of the things he tells her.

“Really? Why’s she here then?” He smiles even more shyly than before, realizing he’ll have to tell her quite a bit more than he anticipated tonight.

“Uhm, my father asked the headmaster to, for lack of a better word, hire her for the duration of my time here so she could kind of look out for me. First year was a rough time for me…” Y/n stares at the side of his head for a minute, trying to grasp what he’s telling her, and it clicks in that moment that the entire Slytherin Prince reputation only came about in their third year. Yoongi takes another look at her and sees the recognition in her eyes. He nods slowly, confirming her thought process.

“A lot of people picked on me first year- all Slytherins actually. I guess they didn’t like that I wasn’t big on fitting in and liked to keep to myself. A few of them made a habit of pushing me around and taking my glasses- you remember those big ass glasses I used to have? Those thick ones that made me all bug-eyed? I don’t know if you even knew who I was back then…” Y/n smiles fondly, vaguely remembering the one class she’d had with the Slytherins first year. There, in the corner of her memories, sits a quiet kid with large, round frames practically half the size of his head.

“I remember. I liked those glasses.” Yoongi scoffs loudly, reaching over to push her gently as he shudders at his own memory.

“Whatever, asshole. Anyway, those same kids used to take my glasses during meals so that I couldn’t see for shit, and then they would slip stuff into my food to make me sick. Cruel bastards, I tell you.” He sees the frown the etches itself onto her features, and he can’t help the way he reaches over to pinch her cheek. “Don’t give me that look, it’s not like it’s happening now.” Y/n pulls away, rubbing her face as she responds.

“I know, but it’s still frustrating that you were going through that alone. I had no idea…” Yoongi chuckles softly, staring into the distance almost darkly.

“That’s the thing about snakes. They protect their own. There was no way anyone would find out about any inside torture because everyone covers for each other. But I guess after the third round of food poisoning and one too many nights in the hospital wing, my father picked up on the fact that something was weird, so he sent Cimny to look after me. I guess she watches my plates for me from here in the kitchens every time I eat.” The entire time Yoongi’s speaking, he’s looking down at his hands or scratching at some of the chipped wood in the table, so when he finally looks up at Y/n, he’s pleasantly surprised to find her listening attentively, watching him curiously as he speaks. He expects her to just accept his story and move on to something else, but it seems she’s much more invested in storytime than he was aware.

“So then what happened?”

“What?” She smiles softly, repeating herself.

“What happened after Cimny got here?” Yoongi stumbles for a response, not really sure why this is so interesting for her.

“Uh… nothing? I was fine after that? I think she just always took out all the stuff they would put into my food before I could eat it. I also think she still watches my plates to this day, which I feel kinda bad about since it’s not really necessary anymore. So I come visit her pretty regularly. Ask her how she’s doing and whatnot…” Yoongi sees her smile widen, and it causes him to furrow his eyebrows. “What?”

“You come visit Cimny? That’s so cute.” He rolls his eyes at her, tempted to push her over again, but he lets her have her fun.

“Sue me for being worried that she gets lonely down here- oh, shut up!” She’s laughing softly now, the image of the evil, scary Yoongi coming to make sure his house elf has a friend striking a bit odd to her.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just love it so much, it’s adorable. Who knew you were hiding all these soft tendencies under that hard shell?” He shakes his head at her, secretly happy that she’s having so much fun but refusing to ever show it. He just listens to her laughter, enjoying the sweet sound more than he cares to admit. He’s so busy listening to her laugh that he almost misses her question.

“So how did you become all this then? How’d you go from the bullied, bug-eyed kid with the guardian elf to king of the castle even as a second year?” Yoongi smirks at her, unable to restrain himself.

“It’s ‘prince’, thank you very much- Hey!” He’s rubbing the spot on his leg that she’d decided to unceremoniously pinch in response to his snarky comment, wondering where she’d been hiding all this aggression the past few weeks. “For your information, I didn’t become Prince overnight. I had a lot of help, and I got my ass beat second year more times than I can count. It wasn’t until third year that I started to fill out and could hold my own against the older kids.”

He knows Y/n’s going to let out her little hum of surprise again so he mimics it in time with her, giving her a smug look when she hears him. She grabs at him again but doesn’t get the chance to do anything before he’s catching her hands in his own, bringing her wrists together and holding them with one hand. He pulls her closer so he can sit comfortably, and they end up rather close, their shoulders pressed together as Yoongi holds her leg with his other hand to stop her from attacking him again with her other limbs. He continues his story like this as if they don’t look ridiculous, and Y/n sits through it as quietly as she can, trying to force herself to focus on his words instead of the warmth of his hand on her leg.

“So yeah, anyway, it was about halfway through first year when some seventh year Slytherins took mercy on me and decided to take me under their wings. They’re the closest I’ve ever come to friends- I mean, except you I guess-” Y/n bites her lip to hide the smile threatening to peek out as he stumbles for the right words, nodding along like nothing’s happening. “-and then they taught me how to duel, some pretty advanced hexes and stuff like that. They basically took care of me for the rest of the year, and then they just wished me luck and left. To be honest, I owe them a lot.” Y/n listens diligently, caught between being upset that an eleven-year-old kid had to learn all of those things just to survive at school and being amazed that he had managed to take those impromptu lessons and fight his way to the top.

“So that’s your origin story, huh?” Yoongi glances down at her, laughing quietly.

“If you wanna call it that, I guess.”

“Thank you for telling me all of that… You didn’t have to, you know. But I’m glad you did.” He stares down at her, feeling awkward at her sudden gratitude, but he knows she’s like this a lot so he figures he’ll get used to it eventually. And anyway, he doesn’t really remember a time he had ever talked this much to another person- except for the first night in the astronomy tower, but even then she was pulling answers out of him like it was the most painful thing either of them had ever been through. He realizes now that he actually spoke a lot tonight by his own choice. He’s not really sure what to make of it.

Whatever, she said she wanted me to stop pushing her away. It makes sense.

Glancing at her again and realizing she’s been waiting for an answer, he clears his throat and lets go of her wrists, giving her a chance to scoot away from him if she wanted. He notes that she doesn’t move as far as she had been before, keeping her right leg in contact with his left and letting their shoulders brush every so often. He tries not to smile when he notices, covering his mouth with his hand and leaning his elbow on the table.

“It’s fine. It’s not like it’s some super big secret or anything… but you’ll have to tell me your ‘origin story’ one day soon, too. I don’t like all these unequal sharing sessions we got going on.” She laughs loudly, throwing her head back slightly at how entertaining it is to hear him complain.

“I don’t think I have an origin story, but okay. One day I’ll tell you all about my relatively boring life here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry-” She pulls her phone out of her pocket, gasping when she sees how late it is. “-But not tonight because it’s almost 1 am! Let’s go, I have a quiz in Care of Magical Creatures tomorrow.” She wraps a hand around his wrist and pulls him off the bench, dragging him across the room toward the door and laughing at his protests and complaints that she should have told him earlier that she had a quiz so he could watch the time for her.

When they’re standing outside the kitchens, she turns to face him, keeping her hold on his wrist as she jerks her head in the direction of her common room.

“Well, obviously I have to go this way, so I’ll say bye here…” Yoongi nods lamely at her, wondering why he doesn’t have it in him to just say goodbye and leave. They stand there for a few moments, looking around as they wait for the other to speak first. Finally, Yoongi starts to move the wrist that’s still caught in her grasp, twisting it until he can comfortably grip her arm and pull her toward him. It takes forever, and it’s so painfully awkward that Yoongi regrets his decision before he can even do anything, but eventually he manages to bring her close enough that he can let go of her and wrap both of his arms around her shoulders. He tries not to stiffen when he feels her own arms encase his waist, relaxing fully only once they’ve been standing there for a few moments and he knows she’s fine with his weird hug.

Another moment passes and he’s patting her back in an awkward attempt to end the hug, but she gets the cue and lets him go with a soft chuckle.

“We’ll work on that… Good night, Yoongi.” He nods and smiles almost warmly at her, waving as he backs away in the opposite direction.

“Good night...” Yoongi waits until she’s through the entrance to her common room before turning away and heading in the direction of the dungeons. He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t see the 6th year Gryffindor standing around the corner, out of the way and trying to process what the hell he had just seen. Pulling out his phone and re-reading the messages from Namjoon asking him to see if he could find their badger friend who had disappeared without telling them where, Jungkook sighs and recalls the scene he had witnessed not even 5 minutes prior- the way Y/n had pulled Yoongi out of the kitchens with a bright smile on her face, the weird moment they’d had as Yoongi brought her into his arms like they were friends-

Is that it? Is that who she’s been spending her time with? Min Yoongi??

#bts texts #bts au #bts smau #bts social media au #bts hogwarts au #min yoongi #yoongi x reader #yoongi texts

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imagine-loki · 5 years ago

Text

Mad Predictions

TITLE: Mad Predictions

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 8

AUTHOR: inspired-snowflace

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: “A freedom restrained the sun shall invoke, The gift from the plea a mother spoke, Purpose shall be bestowed upon your life, In form of one you should have called wife, A lover presumed dead shall be back, Now shall you truly pay for your attack.”

Ever since the fortune teller had spilt these words, Loki’s life was thrown into a hurricane. He dared to hope that after the attack on New York and the following arrest, things would get better, but these words seemed to point in an opposite direction.

Things would never remain the same, for better or worse.

RATING: Everyone

NOTES/WARNINGS: Description of war. This includes something that isn’t part of the MCU Canon. Also, a short ellaboration on your powers- when you turn your wrist counter-clockwise, it tortures your subject (The slower, the more pain) and turning it clockwise kills them easily and consumes way less power. Updates earlier on my tumblr!!

RECAP : Loki regrets his past actions but doesn’t confess the reason he did them. Time passes on.

~a month later~

The attack started the first thing in the morning.

The city of Sokovia was once again threatened by extra-terrestrial beings. They were similar to the Chitauri, but they were obviously smarter and stronger than their brethren who had attacked New York. Apparently, they wanted vengeance for their previous defeat and so they decided that the best place to attack would be Sokovia, which had already suffered one attack in the past and had not recovered from it entirely. For the first time, the tide was in favour of the Avengers.

Wanda put all her emotions in her fight since her brother, Pietro had died saving the city and she would do all in her power to protect it.

Unbeknownst to you all, even Loki worked overtime since he wanted his own sweet revenge on the Chitauri for making him a mere puppet in the hands of Thanos.

You stood in the place since the past hour, turning any nasty Chitauri that dared to come close to you to dust. But of course, they had a ace up their sleeve.

You first heard it over the comms, Hawkeye muttered, “Guys! How are you even dealing with these things? They don’t seem to die!!”

“Dear Hawk, looks like your eyesight has worsened. For each of these stupid things that die, there are two!” Black Widow said in the comms.

“Guys, for the past hour I have been trying to kill them, frying, roasting, boiling, deep frying, nothing seems to work on them.” Tony sounded exhausted through the comms. “I have been avoiding them by flying. Cap’s Orders- first evacuate citizens and then find a way to kill them.”

“Even lightning doesn’t work!” Thor sounded irritated through the comms.

“And from my and Hawk’s side, you can definitely eliminate arrows and bullets.”

You were completely confused. Two for each that die? What was going on?

Then Steve’s voice crackled through, “Team, focus on civilians first. We will deal with these creatures, later. Ok?”

“Umm.. Guys, could you please elaborate on the issue of ‘kill one get two free’?” You asked.

“Y/N, since you haven’t noticed…. THESE IDIOTIC CREATURES DO NOT DIE, NOT REALLY, THEY JUST SPRING BACK ALONG WITH A SECOND BODY AND KEEP COMING!” Tony screamed. “Does anybody have any ideas to kill them?” He added.

You looked at all the dust around you. Not a single one had resurrected. What were these guys talking about? Then you saw it. Hawkeye jumped over buildings with a small crew of Chitauri running behind him. When one of them came too close, Hawk shot him. But the monster would fall for a second and then suddenly awaken back as two. It was that moment that you realised that the perfect recipe to a dead Chitauri was shredding it to perfection.

“Have any of you guys tried turning them to dust?” You questioned over the comms.

“Well breaking news, Y/N!! You can’t exactly turn these things to dust with an arrow!!” Clint said, exhaustion and frustration imminent in his voice.

“Well, Congratulations Clint, for your birthday you get some Chitauri dust!!” You exclaimed while quickly twisting your wrist clockwise at Barton’s tail.

They immediately disintegrated into piles of Chitauri dust. Clint looked behind him in shock only to see no followers. However, killing so many together took its toll on you. You started huffing like you had just run a marathon. Meanwhile a grateful Clint jumped down a two floored building and landed gracefully.

He headed towards you and said, “Well, Chitauri dust makes a decent birthday gift.”

“Cap, your recipe is to turn them to dust.” Clint said in the comms.

“Well, I don’t think that except Y/N, there are many of us who can do that. Y/N, Charge to you. Over.”

“Fine. Cap, Nat, Thor and Clint; I want you to help the civilians. Loki and Wanda, my fellow magicians, just hold these guys out or if you can turn then to dust, do that! Tony head over to my location, I would like an aerial position to murder these creatures. Do not kill these creatures yourself unless there in an absolute necessary.”

“On it!” Wanda confirmed.

Clint quickly headed to the direction where he could hear screams.

“Ummm.. Y/N, I would gladly head over but I have a tail of like 40, very, very, angry looking Chitauri.” Tony said.

“Head over to my location and give me a window and a clear shot. I shall deal with them.”

“Fine Y/N, behind you!!” Tony screamed. You turned to see Tony soaring skywards and the Chitauri following him. You made quick work using both your wrist and soon it was raining dust a few feet ahead of you.

The effort caused you lots. You were literally on the ground trying to catch your breath. Tony came back down and lifted you from behind.

“Nice work there, kid!!”

“Tony, to Wanda and Loki’s position.” You panted.

You arrived quickly at Wanda’s location. Wanda had managed to turn many to dust herself, so had very few Chitauri in front of her. But you saw the deep gash on her left leg and figured she could use some help. Tony flew you closer so that you could get a better shot. You turned your left wrist and the dumb things turned to ash. Wanda turned and smiled at your pair.

“Loki is dealing with too many, I can sense it. He is at the centre of the city. Y/N, here is my energy.” Wanda said while red wisps floated towards you, providing you with a new boost. As a contrast, Wanda fell to the ground with all her energy drained.

Feeling newly energized with whole of Wanda’s energy, Tony flew you to Loki’s location. You had prepared yourself to be extremely professional on field, so Loki and your past didn’t matter on the battlefield.

But the moment he came into your view, you were shocked. Loki was fighting hundreds, if not a thousand, all alone! He froze some, trapped some in magical loops, cast illusions of himself running away to distract a few Chitauri. Behind him, Steve, Nat and Hawkeye guided the civilians to safety. By the sheer number of civilians present, you assumed that they were being held hostage. Steve would occasionally join Loki, to knock some out. Not strong enough to kill them, but enough to keep them down for a few moments. You intended on using your powers, but there were so many! Killing a mere 40 had caused the wind to knock off your lungs, but handling more than a hundred all by yourself!! Even with Wanda’s energy, you would die before you even erased half of them from existence. A sudden surge of panic hit you when you remembered that you were the only one capable of defeating them, the others could only assist you. This victory was riding on what you did.

“I can’t do this!! There are too many!!” You cried out from sheer panic gripping your veins.

“Y/N, you can do this. I have complete faith in you.” Steve said with firmness. This reassured you a bit.

You turned your wrist in the direction of a few Chitauri which were about to attack Loki. Your breath become more laboured almost immediately. It was ironic how an action as small as turning your wrist caused you to lose so much energy.

“Tony, set me down there; that will give me good height.” You said pointing to a crashed car behind Loki.

Tony flew you over while you decimated a few Chitauri that were heading towards the civilians. He set you down nimbly on a car, ensuring that you had enough energy to stand.

“Fly over to Wanda! Get her to the evac ships!” You told Tony.

“Kid, you sure?” Tony’s voice seemed uncertain.

“Yeah! The Chitauri might attack her!” and to prove your point a few Chitauri disintegrated on the turn of your hand. You started panting heavily, but there was no way the war was over yet. Hundreds of Chitauri still surrounded you, while Loki did his best to hold them off. Tony flew with a start, leaving black marks on the bonnet of the car you stood on.

Suddenly, a voice whispered something in your mind. While training with Wanda, you had learned that the thing you called your ‘gut instinct’ was actually the soul stone talking to you. You had got used to the soul stone warning you in your mind, but this didn’t seem like a warning. It seemed more like an idea.

“Uhhh… Guys? I have an idea…. Not sure of it, really…” You said uncertainly, this was definitely crazy.

“Is it crazy?” Tony asked over the comms.

“Would it kill all the Chitauri?” Steve enquired.

“Yes! Yes to both!” You exclaimed. “Not sure whether I have the energy though…” You muttered under your breath.

“Then go with it!” Steve and Tony exclaimed in unison.

You were sure that no one heard your second sentence. But a string of green energy flew into your body from Loki’s direction, leaving you energized, then surprised.

“It is all I can manage. I will require the rest to hold them off. You can do this, Y/N.” Loki said loudly while looking dead ahead, as if he wasn’t talking to you.

The Asgardian God did provide you with a lot of strength. Atleast now you will be able to save the avengers, even if you yourself die. “Thank you.” You said as gratitude flooded your voice.

On the comms you said, “I would need cover!”

“On it!” Steve replied almost immediately. You let the soul stone take over you. You started chanting a spell with your hands slightly raised at your side, palms as if you were holding two beach balls.

You saw Steve jump to your protection and knocking a few Chitauri out, even killing some in the process. On his left, Loki did as earlier, freezing the Chitauri, trapping some in magic and even lulling some to sleep.

You muttered ancient words that made no sense to you. However, You knew that they were your only chance. Suddenly, a group of about 50 Chitauri stopped completely and turned back as if they were being controlled by a remote. Was this the soul stone’s idea?

You traced the line of direction in which they were walking. Oh shit!! They were heading straight towards the civilians!! You wanted to use your energy, but you knew you couldn’t waste any. Steve also came to the same conclusion and started heading towards the small battalion.

“Y/N, you have lost cover!! Some are following the common men!!” Steve shouted over the comms.

At that exact moment, as if the Chitauri knew your vulnerability, he shot a weapon, which looked very much like an arrow, only sharper and extra-terrestrial, straight at your heart. You looked with shock at Loki, who was too busy re-freezing soldiers who had gotten free and were trying to attack him.

So this is how you would die.

#Loki #Lover #Angst #God of Mischief #Others #Submitted fic #submission #mad predictions #chapter 8 #inspired-snowflace

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the-coldest-goodbye · 6 years ago

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Halfdan (Vikings) - SFW Alphabet Headcanons

Halfdan x fem!reader

A/N: Some people seemed to like soft!Halfdan in my headcanons about him with a plus size reader, so I decided to try my hand at some more fluffy headcanons I have! Occasionally it ventures into slightly dirty territory, but not too often.

As per usual, apologies for the length. No brevity here.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He’s not used to showing affection, so he’s a little clumsy and awkward about it. He had never been in a serious, long-term relationship with anyone before you, so he’s still trying to learn the ropes of all of it. He’s surprisingly sweet and affectionate for someone with a reputation as being a ruthless killer. PDA would make him bashful and he’d be less likely to initiate it than you. Even little things like you wanting to hold hands with him or kissing him in front of people would make him blush. He likes it, but he just isn’t used to the attention and feels very shy being on the receiving end of any sort of affection, especially so publicly. Part of the reason why he’s a little averse to PDA is because he’s worried he’s doing it “wrong” and doesn’t want to look foolish in front of other people or embarrass you with his inexperience. He much prefers to give you physical affection when you’re alone together.

Halfdan would largely show his affection for you through making sure you’re taken care of. With him around, he always makes sure there’s food on the table, furs on the bed, and a fire in the hearth. You got a leak in your roof? He’s there to fix it. Is your hut a little drafty? He’s there to find the source of it and fix that right up. He always offers you the last of his food and walks you home at night. More than anything else, he always looks at you with love in his eyes. It’s plain to see that he’s completely smitten with you.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Your friendship with Halfdan would start with him making some snarky under-the-breath remark at a village gathering while someone else was speaking. It wasn’t directed to anyone in particular, but you heard and it made you smirk. You’d whisper something equally snarky about the person speaking back at him, which would make him quietly chuckle. After this, he would always try to sit next to you during any meeting or gathering so that you two could have a sarcastic running commentary throughout the event. Suddenly, he was always around, and that’s it. He decided he likes you, and now you’re stuck with him. He’s your friend and he ain’t going nowhere.

Halfdan has a tendency to be the Bad Influence Friend™. His idea of a good night would be something along the lines of getting absolutely wasted and stealing a cow from a stranger’s farm for the hell of it. In midst of the havoc, he would still be watching out for you, though. He likes a bit of chaos, but would never want to genuinely endanger you.

He has the reputation of being this dark, scary man, so you were surprised when you realized just how mild-mannered he tended to be in most daily situations. He would more or less become The Dad Friend™ to you. Loyal as hell. Your protector. Would make sure you’re safe and that you’re taken care of. The kind of guy who would hear that you wanted a new dining table in the near future, and then would turn up at your hut later that day with all of the materials to assemble a new table for you. “Oh, it’s no trouble at all. I just had it lying around,” he’d claim. (Liar. He got it especially for you.)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Halfdan would initially be a little reluctant to cuddle, thinking that you wouldn’t actually feel comfortable snuggled up with a big brute like him. He would be awkward and stiff until he realized just how comfortable you’d get as you snuggled into his body. Once he saw that you were enjoying it, he would let himself relax and enjoy it as well. This level of physical affection isn’t something he’s used to, so it takes some time for him to come to terms with the fact that he’s allowed to savor it. (Honestly, he has internalized a lot of the judgments that came along with his reputation for being a bloodthirsty warrior. A large part of him feels “wrong” when he wants to bask in the softer, gentler things in life, so he has to unlearn that.)

After getting over that initial reluctance, he would have to admit to himself just how much he actually liked cuddling. It made him feel comfortable and loved, and it let him feel some softness and affection that he very rarely ever experienced throughout his life. Plus, he loved knowing that you were safe and in his arms.

He tended to be the big spoon or the one cradling you, though sometimes you could catch him wanting to be cradled in your arms. He liked having you be the little spoon with your ass pressed against his crotch (dirty fucker), but his favorite was when you would cuddle into him with your face in the crook of his neck. He liked being able to feel your breath on him.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Halfdan never really imagined himself settling down since his life had mostly been dedicated to fighting wars for his brother and he never imagined himself doing anything besides being a warrior, but that all changed when he met you. Once he begins to imagine a future with you, he knows that he wanted to settle down, or at least slow things down a bit. He would like to travel with you to distant lands, but not for raiding or for wars — just to explore, learn new things, meet new people, experience new cultures. Maybe in between your travels, it would be nice to be settled somewhere stable in Norway, in a little house on a small plot of land. He has to laugh if he thinks about it too much. He never imagined that he would be thinking about domesticity, but here he is.

In terms of cooking and cleaning, he’s pretty awful. He’s spent most of his life living out of a tent or on a ship. The times he was settled somewhere for a stretch of time, there were generally thralls to do all that stuff for him.

With cooking, he can cook to survive (hunt, clean and prepare a carcass, and cook it over a fire). When it comes to “actual” meals, like those that you’d eat in a Great Hall, he’s pretty clueless. If he settled down with you, he’d be eager and willing to learn how to cook nice dishes, wanting to surprise you with a nice meal every now and then. His main dishes, particularly meat-based ones, would turn out pretty well once he got a grasp of things like herbs and spices. His attempts at making side dishes, though, would be horrifying — sweet and well-intentioned, but utterly disastrous nonetheless. Please don’t give this man raw potatoes. He just can never seem to fully cook them. Oh gods, they’re so crunchy.

When it came to cleaning, he wouldn’t be very mindful about cleaning up after himself, but he’d take the lead on household maintenance projects and repairs.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Halfdan is so committed to you, so if he ever broke up with you, it would only be after a lot of thinking and self-reflection. It would be torturous for him to do it. He wouldn’t throw in the rag very easily either. It would have to be something major for him to call it quits. He would probably try to work through things first with you before ending things, only seeing a breakup as a last resort.

If he ever did break up with you, he would start pulling away from you. You would notice him becoming more distant and quieter than usual. His level of distraction and lack of focus was a clear sign that whatever was on his mind was weighing very heavily on him. After you gently ask him what’s wrong, he would quietly reveal that he thinks it would be best for the two of you to end things.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Throughout his life, Halfdan had never been a relationship/commitment kind of guy, but that was because he had never met anyone that he wanted to commit to romantically. He had always been a loyal brother and a loyal friend, though, so he doesn’t take commitment lightly. Once he meets you and knows that you’re the one, he’d be ready to commit whenever, in any respect that you wanted. If you wanted an exclusive committed relationship, sweet! Want to get married? Hell yeah!

He would probably let you take the lead on that, though, not wanting to scare you off with seeming too eager to tie you down. He’d try to figure out where you were in the relationship based on little comments you’d make, but he had a hard time dealing with this coy, beating-around-the-bush thing, so he’d just wait for the both of you to be a little tipsy before having a classic “Soooo, what are we? What’s the plan here? Where do you see us in the future?” conversation with you.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

You don’t have a life like Halfdan’s, spending so many of your days on the battlefield slaughtering others and being attacked yourself, and come out unscathed. He does have the capability to be quite vicious (as his reputation obviously had to come from somewhere), but he tries so hard to be gentle and soft with you, his love. He’s afraid of scaring you off, so he puts a lot of effort into being tender and gentle with you. It’s not an easy process and not something he change immediately, but he tries very hard to get in touch with his emotions and learn how to process them in healthy, constructive ways. However, sometimes he’ll still find it hard to process some things. At these times, he’ll try to isolate himself a bit to avoid blowing up on you on accident. It takes some time and a lot of work, but he does make progress.

He can occasionally be a bit clumsy and crude with his words, and sometimes it’s a struggle for him to fully get in touch with how he’s actually feeling, but he’s also surprisingly more soft-spoken and emotionally gentle than you would have expected from a man with his reputation. Though he always claims that he’s bad with women, he’s actually pretty intuitive and good at sensing how you’re feeling.

Halfdan is surprisingly physically gentle with you for such a notoriously vicious warrior. He looks hard and intimidating, but his touch is typically soft and timid. It seems like he’s afraid of breaking you, so you have to encourage him to not be so timid and remind him that you’re not made of glass.

(I know this is supposed to be SFW, but a quick note that the only times Halfdan tends to get rough with you is during jealous, angry, or stressed sex, but it’s never too over-the-top.)

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He’s a bit shy with hugs at first because he’s not used to them, but he quickly comes to realize just how much he adores them. There’s nothing he loves more than the feeling of you in his arms. He’s also come to enjoy the feeling of hugging you from behind in public, his arms wrapped around your waist, letting everyone know that the two of you are together. He especially loves craning his head around a bit to give you a kiss on the cheek from this angle because it makes you blush and smile.

His hugs are tight, as if he’s afraid of letting you go. He never wants them to end because nothing is better or more comforting than knowing that you’re in his arms and that nothing else matters at that moment.

One of his biggest fantasies when he’s gone on raids without you, the one that really makes him even more determined to survive and come home, is the thought of the ship pulling back up to the shore with you waiting for him on the dock, with you running up to greet him, jumping into his arms as he wraps his arms tightly around you, never wanting to let you go again.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He says it first and he says it pretty fast, much faster than you would have expected or would have said it yourself. He had never told anyone he loved them (in a romantic sense) before because he had never felt that level of connection with anyone, so he just knew that things were different with you. If what he felt with you wasn’t love, then what was? As a viking, his life would often be at risk. He never knew for sure if he would be coming home or not after a raid or battle. He met you soon before he was leaving for a raid; and for the first time in his life, he feared the prospect of him not coming back. He told you he loved you before he left because he didn’t want to die without having said it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He gets jealous pretty easily. If another man tried to flirt with you, he would get angry and would scare the dude off. Halfdan is a bit insecure because he never thought that he would find love. Now that he has it, he’s afraid of losing it.

Honestly, his biggest fear is that his brother will take you away from him. Halfdan has spent his entire life doing whatever Harald wanted, and Harald would make damn sure that he would get himself whatever he wanted. For the first time in his life, Halfdan had something all of his own: his relationship with you. Over his dead body would Harald take that away from him.

When Halfdan is jealous, he becomes sullen, tense, and brooding. You could always calm him down by whispering sweet nothings to him and gentle caresses, reassuring him that he’s got nothing to be jealous of.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses start off as shy and timid, but become harder and more passionate as you continue. His really passionate kisses, when his tongue plunders your mouth and plays with your tongue, leave you so filled with lust and wanting more. He also leaves hickies all over your body. The feeling of your flesh against his lips drives him wild.

He loves it when you kiss him anywhere, but he especially has a thing for you kissing the scars that litter his body. He thinks they are ugly reminders of the violent life he’s lived, and seeing them met with such love and tenderness from you makes them a little less ugly in his eyes.

Honestly, part of the reason why he loves seeing your whole body covered in love bites is because of the contrast to his scars. His body shows records of violence and pain. Your body shows records of love and passion. He wouldn’t want you to have it any other way.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He’s awkward and pretty terrified around children. He doesn’t know how to interact with them and is afraid that he’ll scare them with the way he looks or somehow break them. (Kids scare him more than he scares them, though.)

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He typically wakes up early and leaves before you’re up for the day. Before he leaves, he’ll give you a kiss and tell you that he loves you.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He’s a night owl. He’s usually up late, often drinking and swapping tales in Harald’s tent with others from their raiding group or army. You obviously were always more than welcome to join him, and you usually did because it was a fun time. However, he would also love nights in with you. Regardless of if you’re cuddling and having discussions, playing games together, or making love, it was always lovely to be alone with you.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Halfdan’s reserved and not the most confident in himself. His brother Harald has always been in charge, and Halfdan has spent a lot of his life going along with his brother’s plans. This resulted in Halfdan feeling like he didn’t really have anything of worth to say. He wouldn’t talk very much until he realized that you genuinely wanted to hear his thoughts and opinions and until he realized that you weren’t going to judge him for them. It would be a slow process for you to coax intimate details of his life out of him, bit by bit; but the more comfortable Halfdan feels around you, the more he would reveal.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s not easily irritated by little things. He can be quite sarcastic and a bit of a shit-stirrer himself for the sake of a laugh, so little things roll off his back easily. It takes much larger things to make him angry, but his actual unbridled rage is a terrifying sight, one that he tries not to let you see.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers pretty much anything related directly to you or your relationship with him. For example, he’ll remember your favorite flower, the dress you saw in the market that you said you always wanted, what type of wood you wanted a new chair to be made out of, your favorite shade of your favorite color, whether or not you liked the crusty ends of a loaf of bread, the place where you had your first kiss, how you liked your hair to be braided, etc. You’re his first love, and it’s all so special and new to him. He wants to savor every bit of it.

However, he won’t remember every detail of every single thing you told him ever. For example, if you told him a story about your mother’s cousin’s daughter’s husband’s brother... yeah, no, he’s not going to remember any of that shit.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Definitely your first kiss. It was after a supper in the Great Hall. The ale had been flowing, and you both were tipsy and in high spirits. He was walking you home, and you stopped him midway to point out how beautiful the moon and stars looked that night. In a rare moment of flirtatiousness (probably with the aid of the ale), he said, “Not as beautiful as you.” A huge, goofy grin came over your face, and you pulled him in for a kiss. His performance probably wasn’t his shining moment. It was probably a little too shy and uncertain, caught off guard, but he still saw fireworks when your lips met. As you pulled away, his face moved a little forward to chase your lips, reluctant to have them leave his. Both of you had goofy grins now. You grasped his hand and pulled him forward to continue the walk back. He had spent so long wanting you, and he was thrilled by the realization that you wanted him too.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Halfdan’s basically your bodyguard. He would make sure no one messes with you, and he would threaten anyone who harassed you. It was a time when his reputation really came in handy because no one wanted to fuck with Halfdan the Black. Oftentimes, a flash of his knife and a growled threat was enough to get anyone to leave you alone, but he would be willing to step things up if the situation was severe enough to warrant it.

He also gave you a sense of security in other ways, like walking you home and making sure you were taken care of.

Halfdan didn’t really need you to protect him, especially not physically, and he didn’t expect you to. Sometimes when other men would give him shit, be it drunken banter or an actual argument of some sort, you would stick up for Halfdan, destroying the other guy with a scathing remark. Halfdan didn’t expect it or need it, but, gods, it turned him on seeing you make an effort to protect him.

Something that also meant a lot to him would be when you would stand up against Harald so that Halfdan had the opportunity to share his own thoughts on a subject or political/battle strategy. Halfdan had spent most of his life letting Harald get away with imposing his own opinions over Halfdan’s, so you showing that you valued his opinions enough to suggest that Harald actually listen to them for a change would mean the world to him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He tries. Oh my god, he tries so hard... but things always seem to go wrong in one way or another whenever he tries to plan something. His heart is in the right place and it is so endearing to see him try to be romantic and to make grand gestures about his love, but things tend to go comically awry. (If he tried to bake you a cake, it would be under-cooked and soupy in the middle. If he tried to set up a little boat for a romantic trip on the water with him, the boat would sink before you even got in it. If he tried to fill your room with your favorite flower, they would end up being infested with bugs and now your room was filled with bugs.) This really upsets him because he wants nothing more than for you to be impressed with his efforts, but it feels like the gods themselves are laughing at him and making a joke out of it all.

You wouldn’t be disappointed, though. Regardless of how things went down, you would be so impressed and touched by his effort. You would always try to let him know how genuinely happy you were and how thankful you were to have someone as thoughtful and sweet as him.

Actually, your favorite thing was how he would always put so much effort into taking care of you without even realizing how much it meant to you. He seemed to naturally go out of his way to make sure you were taken care of, like making sure you had enough food or repairing the broken things around your house without you even asking him. It wasn’t something his did as a grand gesture and he didn’t even consider it to be him going out of his way, but it moved you so much to see him care so deeply about you. You would always point this out to him and let him know that you didn’t need need him to try so hard with being overly romantic. He was already enough, just in how well he takes care of you in everyday life.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Messy-ass bastard walks with his muddy-ass boots all over the clean floor. He gets water all over the place while taking a bath and doesn’t clean it up. Can he, like, maybe stop testing out the sharpness of his swords by seeing how badly the blades fuck up the furniture? The stealing-livestock-while-drunk thing was funny the first few times but it’s getting a little old and now the neighbors know who’s doing it and they’re mad, and also what the fuck are y’all supposed to do with all of these animals? You want to go to bed, but his drunk-ass buddies are still in the house and won’t stop singing.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He had never been too concerned for most of his life, but he would feel a little self-conscious and worried about his appearance once he was with you. He’d worry. Do you think the scars that litter his body are ugly? Do you think his hair is stupid? Do his face tattoos turn you off? Does he look too intimidating? Do you wish he looked a little softer, a little handsomer? (No, you don’t. You have to reassure him that you love him exactly the way he is.)

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

As weak as it made him feel to admit it, yes, he would feel incomplete without you. He spent most of his life accepting that he would probably never find love. Now that he has it, he can’t imagine the pain of having you ripped away from him. You’ve introduced so much color and life into his world, and you have helped him start to see things from a different perspective. The thought of going back to how things were before you were around hurt too much to think about.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon.)

Halfdan can’t flirt to save his life, especially not with strangers. There’s something so awkward and unnatural about it to him. He feels a little more comfortable saying flirty or dirty things once you two are officially together, but he has no game when it comes to trying to woo someone he barely knows. Harald would try to give Halfdan tips and suggestions on things to say or do since Harald is smoother in comparison, but Halfdan just can’t get the hang of it. He’d much rather just become friends with someone and let it develop naturally into something more.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He would hate beating around the bush and not directly addressing things. He doesn’t like things to be vague or ambiguous when it came to your relationship or how you were feeling about each other. It would give him a lot of anxiety, and he would just have to address things head-on.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Halfdan is a light sleeper and also doesn’t seem to need that much sleep. He’s one of those people who never seems to sleep but also somehow never seems exhausted. How does he do it? Who knows.

#Halfdan the Black #Halfdan #Vikings #Halfdan x reader #Halfdan the Black x reader #historyvikings #vikingshistory #Halfdan the Black headcanons #Halfdan headcanons

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shirtlesssammy · 6 years ago

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14x11: Damaged Goods

Then:

So Death kind of throws a wrench in Dean’s whole need for free will thing.

Now:

Ooh, Nick has resurfaced and is torturing demons into finding Abraxas, the demon that killed his family. Or, well he’s looking for the hunter that captured Abraxas. She’s in Hibbing, Minnesota.

Dean, meanwhile, is packing up and heading out to spend some quality time with his car and his Mom.

(I mean, that’s what he thought here, right?)

Sam is busy doing research, but willingly agrees to come along before Dean stops him and says he’s going alone. Then Dean hugs Sam, and while it’s sweet and heartbreaking and everyone seems to really love this moment, I was cringing at how awkward the hug was. Sam is 100% suspicious of his brother, so I believe he also found it awkward. [Natasha: SO awkward]

Sam calls Mary to talk about Dean. She’s more of a “Go ahead, touch the cornballer” kind of mom and isn’t as concerned about Dean’s state of mind. She respects his privacy. Sam lets that slide because his investigation into what Dean took with him reveals some missing books, and despite the lack of call numbers, Sam Winchester has the entire Men of Letters collection cataloged and classified.

On his road trip, Dean stops to check in with Donna. They’re enjoying their mutual love of burgers. Boy, Dean and Donna sure do have a lot in common. They always seem to love the same type of food. Wow. Despite Dean’s many attempts at avoiding the elephant at the picnic table, Donna finally brings up Michael. She hopes that he’ll open up, but Dean only gives her the old Winchester “I’ll make it through” shutdown.

Dean makes it to Donna’s cabin, only to hear gunshots. He’s on instant alert. Lol, it’s just dear ol’ mom shooting pumpkins for target practice.

That’s one way to get rid of the fall bumper crop (in December…). When Mary suggests Sam join them, Dean snaps that he doesn’t want Sam there. Hmm. Dean’s hangry, guys! He’s also a lying liar who lies, telling Mary that he just had a long drive and no food. He asks her to make his favorite meal when he was a small child, “Winchester Surprise.” And we’re gifted with another piece to Dean’s life puzzle. Greasy food is comfort food not because it’s all he’s known, but because it’s something he remembers from his too short of a childhood. Mary agrees and heads out to get groceries --and pie.

Dean heads to Donna’s workshop to begin the project that really brought him to Hibbing. Before he can begin, he’s gotta take a looky-loo at all the pin-ups of half-naked dark haired men. In no way shape or form is the show that JUST showed us how similar Dean and Donna are about food implying that Dean and Donna are similar in other ways too. Also, in no way shape or form is the show highlighting Dean locking something away deep inside himself by having Michael rage inside his head directly after he stared at all the posters of half-naked dark haired men. Dean finds the 8-track player and selects some tunes. And as @prairiedust posts out in this great post, in no way is this show trying to tell us something through Dean’s musical choices.

We’re then gifted with a montage of Dean using power tools while sparks fly around one of the pictures of a dark haired shirtless man. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For Subtextual Science:

This all truly distracted me from thinking about what Dean is actually building in the workshop.

Mary gets help from Joe, the grocery store attendant. He’s kind of surprised by her food purchases since she only ever buys pumpkins, whisky, and crossword puzzles. EEsh, is everything ok, Mary? [Natasha: Definitely not. My theory is that Bobby took off right away and Mary’s just been holed up alone with her thoughts and pumpkin guts.]

Later, Joe is putting carts away when Nick pulls up in a completely normal, non-scary, or suspicious van and asks where he can find Mary Winchester. Joe acts like he doesn’t know her (Joe, I’m sorry I doubted your trustworthiness two minutes ago.) And Nick, why the hell would a random citizen of Hibbing know who Mary is? Lucky for us, he does know her and alerts the police with a call.

Later that night, Nick is trolling the back roads of Hibbing when Donna passes him, and pulls him over. He’s driving around in a stolen creeper van.

She cuffs him and runs his fingerprints. AND THEN TURNS HER BACK ON HIM. DONNA NO. He manages to slip his cuffs and they tussle. Nick tasers Donna.

Mary returns after dark to find Dean just leaving the workshop. She asks what he’s been up to, but he’s elusive and changes the subject. Dean wants to help Mary make dinner. He then LIES again by saying he’s a terrible cook. Wut? I know, I get it. It’s how Dean tries to connect to people. Mary is not dumb though and is really suspicious about Dean. While Dean is finishing up cooking the meal, she talks with Sam. Despite Mary’s protests, Sam’s on his way to Hibbing.

Dean and Mary get to eating the dish of grease with extra cheese. Dean tells us what he thinks is a super funny story from his childhood, but it’s really just a very sad reminder for Mary that Dean had a shit childhood and John was a shit parent. And I’m over here weeping because Dean hangs onto these memories as a good thing because they’re all he has.

Later when Dean’s asleep, Mary heads into the barn and discovers books of lore and a folded sheet of paper (ostensibly ripped from Dean’s death book). “No no no no no,” Mary says. URG, that can’t be good. When she rushes back to the house, Nick intercepts Mary.

Dean wakes to his ringing phone. It’s Donna! She’s calling to warn him about Nick, who knocked her out, escaped, and is heading back to Mary’s place. Dean rushes outside, only to find Sam there instead. Hey, Sammy!

Nick holds Mary prisoner in his creeper van and Mary, bless her, looks utterly comfortable in that predicament. PLEASE, she’s dealt with much bigger fish. Nick delivers a rambling villain’s address, to which Mary just shakes her head.

Nick asks her about a demon hunt a while back where she faced Abraxas (who murdered Nick’s family). Mary’s exasperated with Nick’s theatrics, because he could have just asked her about the demon like a normal person. Mary tells him that Abraxas is dead, but Nick calls her out on a lie. So Mary confesses - Abraxas was too strong so she locked him in an Enochian puzzle box. She directs Nick to a self-storage facility nearby. I LOVE that Mary has her own hunter’s lockup. (Perhaps several, even? Oooo. That seems like a Mary thing to do.)

She opens the door (Dean’s birthday is part of the combination - HELP ME I AM SUFFERING EMOTIONS. It ends with “67.”).

Once inside, Mary carefully steps over her shotgun booby trap line. Alas, Nick notices it as well and dismantles it. Nick! Come on, man. She could reuse that trap.

Nick bashes the lock off a cage and starts opening lockers. He finds:

A head in a jar

A creepy doll/mannequin

A puzzle box

Nick demands that Mary open the box so he can interrogate Abraxas. Mary shows him her anti-possession tattoo. “You didn’t think this through, did you?” Mary asks, sounding every inch the irritated master hunter whose time is being wasted.

Meanwhile, Donna, Dean, and Sam race to find Mary.

Dean lays into Sam about Nick, but Sam defends his actions. Sam could have ended up being Lucifer’s vessel for years so he was treating Nick with due consideration and empathy. Dean tells Sam that he needs to learn when to cut loose the hopeless cases (a.k.a. Dean).

Back at Mary’s lockup, Nick’s kidnapped the security guard, intent on releasing Abraxas into the guard. Mary tries to get the drop on Nick, but she’s still trussed up and Nick kicks her into the fence. Nick tries to unlock the box but finds it impenetrable...to his intellect.

A power drill goes right through, though. Abraxas zooms out and possesses the guard.

Nick demands to know why Abraxas killed his family. Abraxas promises to tell him, provided that Nick kills Mary. Nick decides to go for the deal when Sam wings Nick’s ear with a well-aimed gunshot. Dean, Sam, and Donna head into the lockup. It looks like their defeat of Nick is a lock until Nick scratches away part of the devil’s trap and frees Abraxas. Once free, Abraxas tells Nick that his family was killed so he could be a potential vessel for Lucifer - but that there isn’t anything inherently special about him. Suck on that, Nick.

Nick kills Abraxas after his villain monologue and starts to turn the blade on the others in the lockup.

Fortunately, Donna’s there to shoot Nick in the leg. Mary knocks him out. DREAM TEAM <3

Later, Donna prepares to take Nick away to jail.

Sam confronts him and apologizes for not being able to help Nick. “It’s not about you. You couldn’t fix me because I didn’t want to be fixed.” Sam’s regrets aren’t about Nick, though. They’re about all the people Nick hurt. Let’s all take a moment to reflect on Nick’s cold-ass murder of the innocent security guard, whom he kidnapped within the past hour.

“You can burn,” Sam tells Nick. HARD AGREE.

Meanwhile, Mary has her own confrontation with Dean about what he’s building in her shed. “We are gonna talk about that,” Mary tells him - and he had better bring Sam into the loop.

Cut to the next morning. Dean explains the box he’s been building to Sam.

This is the first time we get a good look at it, and DEAR LORD it’s a coffin. It’s a Ma’lak box, Dean explains. It’s a heavily warded container strong enough to hold even an archangel. Sam’s shocked to learn that Dean wants to be buried alive. So I am! BUT WAIT, KIDS, THERE’S MORE. Dean intends to pay “a little hush money” to a boat captain and get hauled out to the Pacific and dropped there to suffer forever under the waves. Dean tells Sam in no uncertain terms that he’s losing his hold on Michael. They’re working under a countdown clock. Dean acknowledges that Sam, Cas, and Jack have tried to save him - “And I love you for trying.” Dean tells Sam about his visit from Billie, during which she gave him the instructions for his once-impossible prison. In his determination, the box is the only option - it’s FATE. Ugh, a Winchester - DEAN Winchester - believing in fate. It hurts.

“So you came out here to see Donna - to see Mom on some sick, secret farewell tour? You were gonna leave and you weren’t even gonna tell me?” Sam’s pissed, and who can blame him? Ouch. OUCH.

Dean tells Sam that he couldn’t tell him about the box because Sam’s the only person who could talk him out of his plan. “Alright,” Sam says softly, finally.

And...scene.

Just Shove These Emotional Quotes into an Impenetrable Box:

We don’t hug-- We do but only when it’s literally the end of the world.

Just wondering if you’ve run out of ways to ask me how I’m doing so as to avoid me repayin’ the favor.

Delicious heart attack on a plate, and I would like mine with extra cheese.

You catch a lotta fish with that Arkansas toothpick you got there on the passenger seat?

First name eat, last name me.

Everyone keeps asking how I am… And how I am is I don’t wanna talk about it.

Since when do we cut people loose?

Since when do we believe in fate?

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #spn 14x11 #damaged goods #dean winchester #sam winchester #mary winchester #donna hanscum #nick #supernatural season 14

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bthump · 6 years ago

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frame-to-frame replied to your post “frame-to-frame replied to your post “chaoticunneutral replied to...”

That’s fair, this prob does partly come down to semantics – i.e. his being purposefully v. unconsciously unaware. B/c I agree in those terms that Griffith is purposefully unaware of his guilt, but I’m resistant to Griffith being unconsciously unaware generally, which this can easily be conflated with – that he’s so emotionally stunted he can’t recognize his feelings for what they are. A valid take ofc, just I think not my cup of tea? Though I’m open to being convinced lol. This is such a subtle point to debate lol, but I still think both can be at play wrt his feelings for Guts – purposeful unawareness alongside an acknowledgement (on some level) of his attraction to him. Griffith is all about emotional repression, we know that, he needs it to keep his dream alive. I just don’t think this is incompatible with him also pining for Guts I think it comes down to how in control of his feelings he thinks he is. What sells me on this reading is “How long ago did someone I was supposed to have in hand instead gain such a strong hold on me?” b/c that brings control right into the way he thinks about his attraction to Guts. He can still acknowledge his attraction & even try to seduce Guts while also writing those feelings off as a crush/lust (which he can tell himself he’s in control of) Where the purposeful unawareness comes into play is wrt the true significance of these feelings: that they pose a threat to his dream. B/c however you read Griffith’s awareness, the “do I need a reason” scene is significant in that he has no coping mechanism to explain his actions. He clearly goes the route of purposeful unawareness afterward, but ofc it didn’t have to go that way if they hadn’t been interrupted I’m not sure I understand why the ch12 friend speech interferes w this, I think your meta still works with this reading, so you’ll have to elaborate pls! B/c to me it seems that either way he’s trying to diminish the depth of his feelings for Guts in response to a perceived rejection from him – and he can still know that what he’s saying is BS in his heart of hearts. Sry for length

Yeah I’d say it’s definitely more of a purposeful unawareness. While I think he is emotionally stunted in some ways, he’s not at all ignorant or lacking in emotional intelligence. LIke he’s actually really (uncannily at times, eg Foss) good at picking up on other people’s feelings, he’s empathetic (eg his interactions with Casca after saving her from the nobleman), he’s very socially aware and competent, etc.

But imo where his own feelings are concerned he has a giant blind spot. And tbh I do think that he is kind of incapable of recognizing a lot of his own feelings, not so much because of naivety but because he’s too used to avoidance and not used to confronting them directly. Like, it’s a willful blind spot, like we’re saying, it’s an ingrained negative coping mechanism. Maybe it started when people started dying at his orders, or maybe earlier, but yk, imo he deals with negative or inconvenient feelings by not dealing with them, by denying them entirely, and because of that he just has very little experience actually trying to understand his own feelings. But yeah like, I don’t think that’s exactly undeniable canon or anything lol, it’s more of a headcanon, and fair enough if it’s not your thing.

Hmm and while I definitely lean heavily on his emotional repression to be fair I def don’t think he’s incapable of examining his own feelings without lying to himself. We’ve seen moments of vulnerable emotional sincerity, eg “maybe it was my dream that killed this boy,” “am I dirty?” “do you think I’m cruel?”

I guess that to me those moments feel fleeting and quickly replaced by the denial and the mask, while I could see others reading those moments and seeing them as glimpses of Griffith’s more typical inner thoughts, which he just hides from others, rather than from himself. But yeah to me it always comes back to that monologue in the river - I just can’t read it as Griffith knowingly lying to Casca, imo it feels like pure bullshitting himself through a near breakdown, and it feels like a very powerful encapsulation of Griffith’s character as a whole. His moments of emotional self awareness don’t last because they’re painful, so they get buried.

But when it comes to Griffith’s feelings for Guts, ia that his denial method of dealing with his feelings isn’t necessarily incompatible with him still pining for Guts. Like guilt is a very different feeling from love, so it makes sense that he’d bury guilt but yk maybe not love. And I agree that self control is a big factor for Griffith, so yeah I could definitely see that if he feels like he’s got a handle on his feelings he wouldn’t need to avoid them/deny them.

And also because thematically Griffith’s feelings for Guts do lead to greater emotional self awareness in contrast to how he buries most of his feelings in pursuit of his dream, it makes sense on that level too that he’d be more aware of his feelings for Guts.

But I like Griffith being an unselfaware idiot who doesn’t even know he’s in love until he’s in a torture chamber lol. I love pining, but I also love the idea of Griffith lying to himself about Guts too, telling himself Guts is just a tool to help him win a war, that Guts will in all likelihood die for him so he has to does see him as just a soldier, etc. And steadfastly refusing to think about his feelings when he can’t cover them with a lie.

Idk I get that it could seem like, awkwardly naive and weird, but the way I imagine it is more like... bear with me because I’m about to get self indulgent and just talk about my Griffith headcanons lol, but basically I don’t picture Griffith sitting down and dwelling on his feelings if he can help it. It’s not like he saved Guts’ life the first or second time and thought “oh why did I do that? weird, idk, he’s a good soldier I guess, that must be it.” The way I see it it’s more like he just puts it out of his mind and doesn’t think about it. He socializes, he reads every book in his study, he learns to be the best at the sword as a teenager, he leads and fights and thinks of tactics, etc etc. Guts spends a lot of his time navelgazing about his feelings, but I don’t think Griffith does

He can think about intellectual things, like his goals and fate and his life philosophy but to me those all feel like smokescreens obscuring the emotional truths behind them. And when he gets too close to thinking about those emotional truths, he would have a million ways to distract himself, like by now I figure he’s just pretty pro at derailing his train of thought onto safer territory.

But yeah like the “do I need a reason” scene could’ve easily lead to a moment of emotional honesty and awareness if they hadn’t been interrupted imo. I mean it already was, it just didn’t get a chance to get very far. And afterwards I could definitely see Griffith contemplating his feelings for Guts honestly, giving thought to the way he cares about him and what it means, because he doesn’t automatically avoid those particular emotions. Maybe he already knows he’s attracted to him, or maybe he doesn’t bc of internalized homophobia, but the realization of love is burgeoning. Or I could see him already knowing and accepting how he feels and wishing Guts would catch up and finally understand that he’s not just another soldier to him. Or I could see him turning his thoughts towards seducing Charlotte, buying more books, investigating the attempted assassination, and deciding to ask Guts for help because he trusts him innately, without ever stopping to properly think about what saving Guts from Zodd meant. (And I default to the last one but I like all three.)

Lastly wrt the Promrose speech I just meant more generally that it’s a direct contradiction in the story that requires the reader to put some thought into Griffith’s character to reconcile it. Griffith prioritizes Guts above his dream, 5 chapters later Griffith says he has no friends. (It also contradicts the river monologue nicely, “for no other’s sake, for him, himself alone... a dream” vs “but if for their sakes, for the sake of the dead, if there’s something I can do, that thing is to win.)

And imo that basically just means that the Promrose speech has to be bullshit because it’s contradicted by actions and words in a much more emotionally revealing moment, but it’s up to the reader to decide if it’s bullshit Griffith has convinced himself is true, or if he’s just lying to Charlotte. Not that it contradicts anything we’re discussing.

#frame-to-frame #replies #character: griffith #headcanons #convo #a #b #lol @ you apologizing for length when I respond with this whole thing #character thoughts #theme: repression #ship: griffguts

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