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papers4me · 3 years ago

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Fruits Basket Manga Review ch (90)- First pages ONLY.

I skimmed thro ch-89 to know the context of ch-90. it was Cinderella’s play. In this chapter, Kyo says early on, that time has passed since the play & that they are NOW starting their third year in high school. cool.

This part will ONLY focus on the 1st few pages of ch 90 abt (kyo & tohru) & stop before kyo’s memories starts, because the early pages contain:

Tons of new unexplored analysis of (kyo & tohru) characters that unfortunately was intentionally cut & worse! “changed” in the anime.

No space to add kyoko’s story in this post.

Kyoko’s story is full psychologically & socially.. I need to take a deeeeeeep breath before I unpack it. very deeeeep breath!

-Glimpses of Tohru (the silent grieving girl) Subtle Writing of Grief:

Right from the beginning, I hate how much insight into tohru’s grief & weakness as a human being is already there in the first few pages of ch-90 than the entire 3 seasons of the anime! From few pages we have:

Tohru’s seemingly delighted watching a video. Subtly, showcasing tohru’s grieve & paving the path for tohru’s trauma exploration later in the story. Grief is not sth you quickly past, that’s the most tragic misunderstanding of grief. Time will pass, so, you’ll be better & healthier. Really?!. Tohru’s inner desire to see her mom alive manifested in her words: “ like a photo comes to life” T_T.

The story/writing/manga is acknowledging tohru’s heartbreaking & NOT cute habit of talking to her mom’s cold dead photo! In the anime, tohru talks to her a lot in se01 & it’s up to you to see as as “ cute” as all the canon characters do or actually feeling it IS wrong. Kyo’s “ what would she do if there were a video of her mom”! “ drives the point more abt tohru being a sad grieving human~not the “advice-giving, optimistic angel, & rain-stopping sunshine in the anime.

Tohru telling kyo to NOT catch cold connecting it to se01, ep 9 (haru’s ep) when tohru was afraid that yuki might catch cold & kyo noticed that! so now in se03, they’re dropping this plot altogether within the main anime, for what? we dont even know if this part would be included in whatever “ kyoko’s” spinoff content would be. -_-’.

That’s how you write subtle trauma such as (grief) for a main (female) MC. subtlety is the key. Respect the viewers intelligence & do it.

You don’t have to give her the long speeches or the many focused ep that yuki had. he’s the kind who confront himself inwardly constantly.

You don’t have to showcase drama, confrontation & force the emotions out like you did with kyo. he runs from his trauma & punishes himself.

Tohru buries her feelings! she’s different from both kyo & yuki. So, with her subtle & symbolic scenes are enough!!!The viewers will catch it if you show it, but ignoring it, cutting it & hoping the viewers will magically predict what you cut, is weird. But the anime isn’t even into us predicting nor subtly showing her cuz this tohru is NOT the tohru we have in the anime. How?

Simply cuz there is no kyo’s inner thoughts abt small things such as tohru’s photo obsession which subtly shows her grief & trauma. If kyo didn’t monologue abt her, tohru does not exist as she’s meant to be. You loose the subtle insights into tohru if you cut kyo’s inner thoughts. Not everything kyo thinks abt in regards to tohru is romance!!! That’s a very narrow & superficial look into the writing of kyo/’tohru dynamics. Flip the pages, hmm..cut this kyoru scene here & there cuz we dont want the anime to be only their love story.. But the story itself IS NOT only their love story at all. These pages/scenes here are abt tohru as a PERSON. Not tohru the lover...

- Writing Clashes between manga & anime: (Kyo’s Conscious Gradual Psychological Exploration vs Shock Value & Drama)

In ch 90 i really love all the inner self talking that kyo’s doing. It really explains why he ended up rejecting tohru so strongly. Also, going for a trip into kyo’s mind is hella exciting, new, refreshing & full of analysis-worthy exploration! Kyo’s inner psychological argument with himself is a psychologically-informed presentation of a tried guilty mind:

“ Why can’t I stop thinking of (kyoko’s words) lately? Acknowledging that he IS remembering kyoko & never forgot her. This is also supported in the anime itself. When he apologized to a sleeping tohru in se01, ep14 & se02, ep9 , confronting yuki in the stairs & other instances as well.

“ It’s like a lid been opened & all the memories came pouring”. Acknowledging that kyo DID open his lid since se02, ep9 byt chose to run & not confront it due to his guilt of ruining tohru’s happiness by confessing his connection to her mom.

“ pretending I didn’t know, pretending I forgot”. Here is a blatant clash in kyo’s writing (1) between the anime & manga (2) between the anime’s episodes themselves!!. In the manga, again kyo chose to ignore & pretended to forget. Death is NOT sth you forgot. Kyo saw kyoko bleeding & dying. The anime chose to make him totally forget & it could’ve worked if they didn’t included all the canon moments of him actually remembering & pretending to forget. Is that lazy writing? or was the director for se03 different from se 1 &2 &? chose to NOT watch the two previous seasons? Why would you consciously include a contradicting depiction of your character on screen for thousands of confused viewers? Was the scene of kyo’s shocked gave upon seeing kyoko’s photo that artistically appealing that you forgot everything? I really have NO problem of kyo forgetting kyoko if that was written in the anime since se01, but it wasn't. that's why it sucks.

“Is this payback? maybe I want to blame ME?” augh! i love this line so much! Directly hinting to the viewers that this is kyo’s one-sided guilt before his story with kyoko even started! subtly paving the path for the reason of his rejection of tohru” I dont want forgiveness. I want to blame ME.

-I don’t mind that the anime left kyo’s thoughts of kyoko until the climax in eo8, cuz ep 8 was SO well-done! Se03, ep 8 pacing was very suitable to (1) uncovering dark secrets & death, trauma, & guilt. (2) for exploring the effects such secrets on kyo’s character, decisions, mentality. Also, the animation of kyo’s face all ep 8 was one of the most expressive facial expressions the anime has ever delivered! The eyebrows, eyes, mouth, tears, body languages, heartache was all 100% perfect. The fact that the following eps didnt have much time to express everything & chapters were cramped is not ep 8′s fault but the decision to have 13 eps. Kyo’s delayed trauma deserved to have its own ep.

-What I DO mind is the added scene of ep 6 where he freaked out upon seeing kyoko’s picture, the concept of shock is perfect & so suitable for an anime but was NEVER properly written into the anime itself from the beginning. On the contrary, the anime itself contradict such usage of such value. Good job ruining an otherwise perfect-depiction of two traumatized characters (kyo & tohru) with ONE scene.. -_-

Side Notes:

I thought tohru is narrating the 1st page in ch-90, turned it out it is kyo!!!! Kyo narrates sth? Kyo monologues? kyo has a POV? Just the setting of kyo doing that feels different! I duno if it cuz when that happens in the anime it’s always clash & drama! lol, or cuz it’s sth original!

Shigure’s “ it’s broadcasted all over the nation” is epic! XD! you know poor stupid kyo would fall for that! XD. kyo, you really are an idiot! XD... man this scene would’ve been epic comedy~ lol.

Tohru not knowing what a “dvd” is is outdated for the anime, but to still keep the sentiment of “her wishing she’d have a video footage of her mom”, they could’ve replaced her words with “ It’d be fun watching this play years from now & remembering all the details”. I know that to some, it feels weird that tohru doesn't have video footage of her mom in this era. but trust me, this is more common than you might think. My late brother, who’s way younger than me, doesn't have much video footage, he always felt awkward & preferred not to be filmed. We got photos for him tho~

Even if you want kyo’s knowledge of kyoko to be in the climax only. You can always include this scene of tohru & kyo in the first pages in the anime somehow. It doesn't even need to be abt the dvd even tho that’s manageable. Cutting this short scene of them talking abt videos, & catching cold is cutting tohru’s trauma from its core. Then, the old grandpa’s narration from se03, ep6 would at least have some backup in the anime’s canon.

Momiji & shigure are perfect as a comedic duo!

I can’t get over tohru’s art~ <3

Pinning kyo at the beginning is epic~ kyo always gets the BEST romantic lines when he talks to himself. “ burning (tohru’s ) memories into my head or forgetting everything”. The torturing fire inside him is only distinguished by loving her but is also ignited by loving her~ what’s the solution~

#Fruits Basket #manga #fruits basket manga #manga spoilers #reading paper #love the new content!#Hate the missing content #lol

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coolgirlontheweb · 3 years ago

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miu shinoda (NANA) - INTJ

although miu is a side character that we see briefly in the anime and manga, which leaves us with a relatively under developed character to type, from what we see of her, she is definitely an INTJ. the other sound argument would be INFJ but this fairly easily debunked by analysing her auxiliary Te. NANA may be one of the most emotionally heavy ani-manga i've ever seen and read. it's a situational drama with romance, substance abuse and sexual assault among a plethora of other harrowing subject matters. it makes sense that in this setting, miu would be fairly emotionally intelligent, offering advice and introspective quotes to our main cast, which is where most people mistake her as an INFJ rather than an INTJ. if you look closely at what she says and does, it's all indicative of Te rather than Fe.

when ren dies, she delicately but strategically works with yasu to fix the logistics of the group and get everyone to the funeral. all of the advice she gives is based on facts and logic, and she continuously puts factual information before her own personal expectations (like when she saw yasu carrying nana osaki into ren's funeral, and refused to be jealous in light of what was happening). miu remains relatively aloof from the group's emotional matters apart from when she is told. if she was a INFJ, her Fe would adapt better in social situations and allow her to be more generally caring and compassionate, and more open and trusting. (think of yasu: he once said he likes to keep his relationships quiet, but he still meshes very well with the rest of BLAST, Trapnest and their management. he consistently over exerts himself to make sure that nana osaki is well, and seems to act as a generous paternal figure - this is his Fe at work). conversely, miu's Te helps her stay objective and cool headed in her assessments of situations, and she is noticeably more dispassionate than yasu, which wouldn't be the case if she had Fe. extraverted thinking is objective and impersonal, choosing to focus on the outside world. rarely, if ever, do we see miu focus her thinking inwardly, we hardly know a thing about her apart from her relationship with yasu and her job. her Te can even be argued for in a literary sense, wherein her objective contributions from an untainted lens (in the sense that she doesn't have history with BLAST or nana komatsu) to the main cast could be the readers' own thoughts. she does seem to come up with solutions for perceived issues and i think that all readers of NANA would like to solve the characters' problems.

miu also has a history of self-harm, but she stops when she meets yasu. she is level headed and logical the entire time we see her in the ani-manga, yet her history of mental health issues and self-harm could be indicative of a former Se grip, which affects both maladjusted INTJs and INFJs. her presumed Se grip would cause her to overindulge unhealthy sensory pleasures (in her case, self harm and T/W: cutting). further more, miu overcoming her self harm speaks to a mature and developed Fi tert, in combatting a struggle that is mentally draining, she has built a greater sense of self and can use this stable foundation to help others.

this was more about determining her auxiliary which would make her an INTJ, but i find that examining her 4w5 enneagram is helpful in this case. type 4s are self aware, sensitive and reserved, and may tend to withhold themselves due to their vulnerability and defectiveness. whereas, type 5s are analytical, insightful and objective. i think it goes without saying that she is a 4w5, if you've read the manga you would see that she exhibits all of these behaviours. because of the emotional setting she is in, miu is able to give a refreshing viewpoint to the rest of the characters, whilst still being tactful and sensitive enough to recognise the subtle and complicated relationships between everyone. in NANA, the sensitivity of her 4w5 works exquisitely with the objectivity of her Te and her developed Fi to be a mature and well rounded voice of reason later in the manga.

A/N: a person and show you could equate miu and NANA to is effy from Skins. they're both INTJ 4w5s in a situational drama with romance, substance abuse and sexual assault among a plethora of other harrowing subject matters. effy in generation 1 of skins is a side character, she acts just like miu when we first meet her - sensitive, aloof and objective.

#mbti!#nana #miu shinoda #intj #Te

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kendrixtermina · 3 years ago

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Appreciating the Range of Type 6, or, one stereotypical example, and three that aren’t.

I want to tell you about some type 6 ppl that I know in my personal life.

Exemplar #1: F. B.

Complete Stats

Wing: 5 p or cp: largely phobic – lots of safety worries, outright authoritarian follower personality Instinct: sp/soc Trifix: 613 - 6w5 1w2 3w2 (“The Taskmaster” or “The Middle Manager”) jungian: ISTJ / SLI-Te oldham: Conscientious & Aggressive Essence Type: Mars Temperament: Pure Choleric

What he’s like:

Not pleasant.

Every “strict conservative middle aged guy” stereotype in the book. Control freak, makes a mountain out of every molehill, sees the world as full of axe murderers, judgemental as fuck, horrible temper and yet completely impersonable, all his opinions are copypasted from right-wing news sites. When they say war is good he’s for war, and when they say war is bad he’ll be like “At least Trump did not start any more wars” without perceiving a contradiction. Despite this, he believes is very hot, principled and funny. He is none of these things. He puts people down nonstop. My knowledge of neurochemistry tells me that he must have emotions somewhere or he couldn’t function, but I ain’t ever seen a single one of those emotions. They’re all for his job and a few trusted mentor figures. And his mom. At least he loved her.

If you say anything he doesn’t like, he “throws the sofa out the window” as his wife once put it.

How he’s a Type 6:

Well, he’s pretty much every negative stereotype in a nutshell… other than distrusting his partner. But that might be cause hes sx blind, or cause the wife is big on monogamy & wouldn’t ever cheat.

The one positive trait of 6 that he has is that he does his research. Before moving anywhere he googles the crime rates and if you need a doctor he might find you the best one. But even that can be overriden by ideology (hydroxychloroquine!). And if you don’t take his exact advice, there goes the sofa out the window again…

And I guess the work ethic from all 3 parts of the trifix really comes through – he hasn’t had a single bad grade in his life and always keeps collecting new certifications, and will make sure you hear about it...

Exemplar #2: I.

Complete Stats

Wing: 5 P or cp: pretty much an even mix of phobic and counterphobic Instinct: sp/soc Trifix: 614 - 6w5 1w2 4w3 (Would prolly call herself “The Big Pain” rather than “The Philosopher” ^^°) jungian: INTJ / ILI-Ni oldham: Serious & Conscientious Essence Type: Saturn Temperament: Chlor-Mel

What she’s like:

I’d describe her as serious, mature, discerning, focused and passionate about her friendships, if perhaps somewhat forceful at times, with a dry, sarcastic sense of humor.

Comes across like someone who knows what she’s talking about, with well-articulated points.

Often the Responsible Sibling, Designated Sanity Checker or Bullshit Detector.

Prefers to plan everything in advance in typical Ni dom fashion, even amusement part trips. Gets somewhat anxious without a future plan or shedule.

Often mistaken for a whole lot more sociable and confident that she really feels inside. (even I kinda bought it and got her whole darn trifix wrong on my first typing attempt, though that was when I was new to typology) She can act the boss act temporarily to get the situation over with, but she actually hates making decisions.

She does however have the occasional cute/pure moment where that lower function block comes out.

How she’s a Type 6:

She has saved our family from many a terrible restaurant by making sure to check the reviews. The preparing for all possible dangers is very 6, the acting tough outwardly when youre inwardly anxious, the intellectual problem solving & some tendency towards organization/responsibility/ “logistic” intelligence.

One online test she took gave her 5w6 instead of 6w5 but that’s probably just the ITxx-ness leaking in. I remember this one time we were discussing this artsy-fartsy theater play to which we’d had fascinatingly different reactions, and at one point I half-jokingly said something like “But does anyone ever really feel connected to others, or is that a myth?” to which she wrote, “[Name], what the fuck? Yes I do.” and then immediately deleted it. That’s more of a 6 reaction innit?

Nonetheless the wing does feature in significantly – for example she got very well informed about a lot of topics because she researched them to assuage a random survival-related fear, like, “How to make sure I have enough retirement money”

Exemplar #3: M.

Complete Stats

Wing: 7 p or cp: largely phobic Instinct: sp/sx Trifix: 692 - 6w7 9w1 2w1 (Fortunately very much a “Good Samaritan” rather than “The Stockholm”) jungian: ISFP / SEI-Fi oldham: Sensitive & Devoted Essence Type: Lunar-Venus Temperament: Pure Supine

What she’s like:

Precious! Sweet, nice, good listener, friendly, gives all the best gifts. But also perceptive and good at understanding people, eg. mediating to the parents when one of the younger sisters is having An Emotion™ or winning the trust of problem children.

Unlike I. Who has some soc that helps her keep track of a larger circle of friends despite her introversion, M. tends to enjoy the closeness with her family and have just a few very close friends. Excellent friend material all around! The sx and Se also come out in enjoying art forms involving the body like theatre or dance.

She can be a bit shy, conflict-avoidant and occasionally a lil bit panicky though.

As a small kid she used to be super duper shy but then a wise english teacher encouraged her to play a big role in a play, and since then she’s a lot more confident and doesn’t let ppl push her around without limit, though she’s still a quiet, helpful person. There you see the difference that a good teacher can make.

How she’s a Type 6:

For one thing she moves and emotes faster than a core 9 would, and she fits the body language – big eyes that move around a lot, stands a bit lopsided, talks in a shrill voice on the rare occasions where we exhaust her patience etc. As a xSFx and a w7 she shows mostly the “warm, friendly, likeable” side of type 6. She also has a very 6-ish tendency to very frequently ask people’s opinions & feedback before making decisions. (the other fixes probably add to this)

Alas, she also has a little bit of of the fear/insecurity.

Also she has a social/care job which might be seen as 6-ish desire to serve the community.

Exemplar #4: J.

Complete Stats

Wing: 7 P or cp: largely counterphobic Instinct: sx/soc ?? definitely not sp first. Trifix: 638 - 6w7 3w4 8w9(?) (Shall she be a “Justice Fighter” or a “Kyle”? Only time will tell.) jungian: ISTP / LSI-Se ?? Oldham: ? some Dramatic & Serious, perhaps ? Essence Type: Definitely Mercury Temperament: San-Mel

What she’s like:

The first adjective that usually comes to my mind is ‘cool’. Sassy, energetic & a little bit tough, but also affectionate when she wants to be. (though in admiring way rather than a mushy one)

She says the coolest things, has a certain sly sort of cleverness, and an astonishly good poker face. Bit of an occasional prankster. Hilarious. Knows all sort of cool science facts. Avid gamer.

Not especially popular or over the top sociable, but she gets sad if no one pays attention to her a while. Will act visibly moody where ppl can see sad or worried and can catastrophize a bit in such situations.

How she’s a Type 6:

I first though we might be getting an ExxP type 7 since she was a pretty energetic child, but once puberty hit and independent thought manifested, she turned out a whole lot too reactive and ‘edgy’ for this, and more on the ‘moderate introvert’ side of things.

Since then the sisterly dynamic has been like one fluffy golden dog and 3 hissing black cats. Hissing Cats #1 and #2 are very proud of her, but cat #1 was forced to conclude that she’s probably not a positive outlook type.

Out of all the reactive types 6 fits best because she does broadcast group identity (like wearing merchandise of her favorite media and wearing buttons in solidarity with ppl she likes.) & has a big case of Big Sibling worship for M, I, and someone else who isn’t on this list due to being a 9. (a 4 or 8 might like their older siblings but probably wouldn’t constantly stress the admiration.), but she can also show lasting, pouty displeasure with authority figures who have slighted her. (Like that one time I went too far in teasing her...)

I’m just assuming the 8 fix because that tends to make 6s more bold, louder & more shameless.

Basically she is the “punk teen” type of 6. She can be a bit dramatic & over-the top but still come to her family on advice (even advice on pranks!) in ways that xSTPs of other enneagrams prolly wouldn’t.

She also tends to use self-deprecating humor in tough situations and deflects compliments to present herself as ‘ordinary’.

...

This may sound like I’m really getting down on my first example (I won’t pretend that I’m not) but the point in bringing him up is that the reason he’s like this is: He was subject to really bad parenting that put a lot of fear into him, there was no good parenting to teach him broader coping strategies, he lived in a crappy environment that crushed his dreams, in a sense ‘confirming’ those fears and making him double down, resulting in a person who is just always rigidly following the same predictable pattern or jumping from one automatic reaction to the next with very little pausing and thinking. That goes for the other types too: A ‘stereotypical’ person is a desperate person ruled by fear, who cant stop or soften up even for an instant cause they constantly feel this fire of threat under their arse.

A lot of descriptions say that 6s ‘Follow authority’ but most would balk at the notion – ‘I do the research!’ they might argue ‘I don’t just trust anyone’ or ‘I’m actually a rebel’. There is of course such a thing as denial that’s more like the extreme case.

But with a more average, functional 6 it’s not so much ‘obedience’ as that they just like to bounce their ideas off of others to get feedback, or that they feature in other’s viewpoints. So you might get someone who can naturally use feedback (something other ppl may have to learn first) or who is very considerate of others (which others might have to consciously remind themselves to do.)

Those are sometimes pretty good traits actually.

On the other hand this is probably part of what makes decisions hard cause they consider all these possible scenarios of how things might displease or cause harm to everyone involved.

Being able to naturally snap into Action Mode under stress looks a bit enviable from the outside, but I. assures me that it’s actually super stressful & exhausting, even for someone who doesn’t get to a point of just being unreasonably aggro at you.

Though even an extreme case like F.B. would probably claim that he ‘did the research’ even as he’s 1:1 quoting the Pope at you, and then saying that you ‘have to be respectful’ even if you don’t even believe in Christianity. Hence why you get a lot of authoritarians talking about “disrespect”. You didn’t “fail to obey”, you “disrespected the flag” or “hurt the feelings of the Chinese people”. Because they’re still trying or inwardly thinking that they’re doing the consideritation & considering other’s PoV thing when they’ve long since crossed from respect and consideration into mindless obedience, all while still thinking that they’re very sceptical and discerning cause after all they really distrust the other political party or whatever.

In a way you get this obsession with ‘mind control’ cause they’re not unaware of & very much looking to guard the blind spot. They’re adults trying to do adult things.

For example, if I voiced an opinion to F. B. which he didn’t like, his reaction was often to ask “who told you that”

That’s just how he seems to think opinions work, somebody tells them to you.

Makes one wonder how he thinks new opinions start.

Yeah - Nobody told me that. I concocted it myself in some corner of my head. And in the interest of objectivity, I should stress that you can also end talking out of your ass that way, if you’re not basing it on enough outside data. Making up new shit has more of a quadratic than a linear learning curve – at least with copying you get something semi-useful right away. In making up your own you might be really off a long time before you stumble on something useful.

Also, I was young at the time and it’s not wholly unreasobale to think that an inexperienced person might be duped. I reacted really badly in part cause he hit my own ego buttons cause I was of course proud of this epiphany that I had concocted by myself, and now he says (or so I perceived it, being sensitive to accusations of incompetence) that I’m too dumb to form an opinion, so of course I launched into full Obnoxious Reddit Dude Mode.

In I. It manifests more on a reasonable useful level like “Oh wait, should [young cousin] be on TikTok? I don’t want him to get sucked into some cultish BS.” which is at least something the parents should have on the radar/ warn him about even if they do let him use TikTok, because for all that it is vital for him to get his experience with independent socializing & experimentig with sel-presentation, people do sometimes get suckered into cults or goaded into unsafe tests of courage.

And in a sense… maybe they overamphasize it but to some extent they’re also simply consciously aware/ mindful of it. The rest of us are not immune to propaganda after all, solong as it’s presented in a way pleasing to our egos. Any type structure can become a ‘hook’ if you’re not careful.

#enneagram #enneagram 6 #ennea 6 #6w5 #6w7

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kim-ruzek · 3 years ago

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“Is that my shirt? ” for Burzek!

22. “Is that my shirt? ”

I had MANY ideas how to take this, but I decided on this...which turns out to be the best idea since this is a full on fic!!! It's 2.2k words long (actually, technically 2222 which is a neat fact) and I so, so hope you enjoy!!! This is your treat for being such an amazing person + gifmaker who I appreciate so much!

Nerves pooled in Kim’s stomach as she watches Adam standing in her new living room, looking around at it. He’s not looking critically, or with any real interest, Kim would bet, but the way his eyes scans the room makes her feel weirdly exposed, in display.

It shouldn’t. He may have never been in this apartment before, but he’s been in her old apartment, he’s seen how she decorates the place, the photos she keeps on display, how she organises things. Hell, they even lived together. She shouldn’t feel so nervous, so anxious to have him in her home. She hadn’t even felt this way the first time he was in her previous apartment.

But logic doesn’t factor in, no matter how much she wishes it did. This was the first time they’ve been alone in such an intimate way since the break-up. This apartment doesn’t even feel particularly new to her; she moved out of her old one a month after the breakup. But Adam’s never been here, never stood in here before. She’s had this place for months and this is the first time he’s seeing it.

They’ve been alone, since. The locker room, interrogation room, Molly’s, at Kev’s when he pops out for a minute. They’ve been tentatively rebuilding their friendship, and so there’s been times they’re alone, especially when they work together. But like this? Alone, in her place, no one else around, and not even an hour since they kissed? This is a whole other level of intimacy, and it’s wrecking havoc on her nerves.

Kim shouldn’t have invited him back here. But he was undercover, and Kim was oh so worried. He was gone, and she didn’t know if he was okay, when he’ll be back, if she’ll ever get the chance to apologise for how she ended things and her subsequent actions after. And then he was there, calling to her, talking to her.

Emotions were high, all she could think when he was gone was about how much she missed him, how much she wanted him, about how he was the best thing she ever had. Then they were kissing, softly at first, then deeper, firmer, and the taste of him was so good, so strong and Kim needed more, craved more.

Before she knew it, after they pulled away for breath, she was inviting him back to hers. To talk, she had quickly added after, trying to ignore how the words came out as a breathy whisper. A ghost of a smile had danced on Adam’s lips then.

To talk, he said, smiling. Yeah, I’d like that.

Adam had then told her he needed to talk to Voight first, and Kim had given him her address, heading home to await his arrival. Her nerves had doubled, tripled as she waited, gnawing at her nails as she questioned the decision to have him over.

And then he had knocked on the door, leading to him being here, in her apartment, standing in front of her.

“Do you want something to eat? I was going to put something on, but I thought I’d wait for you.” Kim asks him. Adam stops looking around the room, instead, looking right at her. He shrugs a little.

“Sure, I guess.” It’s awkward. It makes the air feel tense, suffocating, and all Kim wants to do is alleviate all the awkwardness, to make it feel good, natural between them again. Her stomach twists with worry, fearing that the only way she’d be able to do that is if she could turn back time.

“How did it go with Voight?” She tries a different question. Kim’s curious about this herself, with Rixton being here now. They rather, her and Kev, got the impression that Voight was pissed at Adam, and with how tight Voight and Rixton seems, she worries about what that means for Adam.

Adam’s jaw tenses, flexing slightly before he answers. “Bad. He’s angry with me. Replaced me, as I’m sure you know.”

“Rixton’s not temporary?” Kim says.

“That his name? Rixton? Yeah, he’s not temporary. Here to stay, apparently. There’s no room for me, now.” Adam’s voice is collected, and because Kim knows him, because he was her fiancé, because they were to be married, she knows how much restraint he’s welding right now to not outwardly show his frustration. He sighs, sitting down on her sofa.

“What does that mean for you? I mean, he can’t just kick you out, right? You went undercover, you did a good thing for this city.” Kim takes a couple steps towards him before halting herself. She wants to be near him, to comfort him, but she gave up that right.

Adam lets out a dry, humourless laugh. “You’d think. No, apparently because I took off without telling him, that means I’m out. Even though he pretty much implied that if I had just asked, he’d have let me. So I’m on patrol duty now. Guess it’s only right,”

“Adam,” Kim sighs, her heart aching for him. Intelligence is his life, and this, this is devastating for him. And it’s all because of her, because she broke it off, because she didn’t try hard enough to make sure he was okay with her moving upstairs.

“I’m sorry, Adam. That’s... that’s not fair. You don’t deserve this.” She says, approaching him, and tentatively sitting on the sofa cushion beside him. He waves her off.

“It’s fine, really. I should’ve asked, this is my fault.”

“No, it’s not.” Kim tells him, firmly, instinctively reaching out to rest her hand on his arm, giving it a comforting squeeze. Adam’s looking forward, but his head jerks around at the touch, looking at where her hand touches him. She pulls away, inwardly cursing herself for being too casual, too familiar with him.

“This is on me. I’m sorry, if I hadn’t...if I hadn’t broke up with you, if everything that happened hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t have needed to go undercover. And now, because of me, you’re... you lost your place.” Kim’s voice breaks slightly, something she berates herself for. This is about him, telling him this, apologising and trying to amend things. Not about her, and her feelings, and her hurt and ego.

“Kim, no,” Adam shakes his head, turning in the seat to look at her. “Listen to me, this isn’t on you. Look, okay, I’m not going to argue with you that had things between us happened differently, I wouldn’t have gone undercover. But I made the choice not to tell Voight. I should’ve, but I was worried that if I told him I needed time away that he’d bump me down—ironic, really. Or that he wouldn’t keep you upstairs, and I couldn’t live with myself if that happened. So I ran. And now I’m paying for it, and that’s on me.”

Kim gives him a smile. “Look at you. You just lost your job and you’re concerned about me. You’re a good man, Adam Ruzek. I must’ve been crazy to let you go.”

The last sentence fell out of her mouth before she can stop it. It was merely meant to just be a wistful thought for her mind alone, but her mouth had betrayed her, the nerves weakening her filter, and now the words are out there.

They stare at each other, neither one knowing how to respond to what she just said. The air between them becomes awkward once more, but also thick, tense, and Kim knows that the kiss they shared is heavy on both of their minds.

Adam clears his throat. He moves back as he does so, alerting Kim to realise that they had both leaned in to each other. “Uh, you said something about dinner?”

His voice is a little raspy, and she tries not to focus on how it makes her feel, how it sends shivers down her spine, how it makes her ache for him, how the air thickens with intention. Instead she moves back herself, taking his out.

“Yeah. Should I make your favourite? I’ve got the ingredients.” Kim offers. Adam flashes her that gorgeous, heart fluttering smile of his.

“I’d like that. If you don’t mind.” Kim smiles at him.

“I don’t mind. It’ll be my pleasure.” She says. Her mind goes back to the first time she ever cooked him dinner, and she wonders if he’s thinking about that moment too.

“Uh. Also, if you don’t mind. Can I use your shower, before dinner? I feel a bit ugh.”

“Yeah, sure you can. It’s this way. Come, I’ll get you some towels too.” Kim leads him through her apartment, and into her bedroom, her heart skipping a beat as she does so.

“The bathroom is through that door there, and I’ll get you those towels.” Kim indicates. She expects to see him gone, in the bathroom by the time she turns back around with the towels, but he’s not. He’s still standing in her bedroom, staring off, to the right of her.

“Is that my shirt?” He asks before she can even wonder what possibly could’ve caught his eye. Kim spins, quickly turning to look at what he’s spotted, her face no doubt turning a fierce share of red. Lying hung over her chair is one of his old shirts, and Kim’s face burns redder as she remembers tossing it there this morning after wearing it to bed.

“Uh, um..” Kim stammers. She’s turned back round to look at him, eyes wide, feeling ever so much like a deer caught in headlights. She sighs, knowing there was no way out of this, no denying it. After all, before she nabbed it from him, way back when they first started dating, it was his favourite shirt. No doubt why he recognise it with ease.

“Yeah. It is.”

Adam looks at her strangely. “I assumed you tossed any other items of my clothing that you found at yours—after giving me back everything. I noticed I still didn’t have stuff and I just assumed.”

“I—uh—that was never a consideration. And this, me having this, it isn’t a accident, you know? I deliberately didn’t give it you back. I know that doesn’t make sense but I couldn’t let all of you go.” Kim admits.

A few months ago, the thought of admitting this would be impossible for her, but that was before, this is now. This is happening after Adam went undercover and she learnt what life could be like without him in it in any capacity. This is happening after they kissed for the first time since the morning they broke up. This is happening when all Kim wants is to turn back time, to have him forgive her and take her back.

Something dawns on him. She can tell, because his expression shifts, because she knows his face, his expressions, everything so well. She had wished that she’d forget, but it’s etched so deep into her mind she knows she never will.

“You never stopped loving me, did you?” He asks. Adam’s looking so shocked at her, and it makes her realise she still has so much to learn exactly what the breakup did to him, how it made him feel, what he thought.

“No, I never did. I couldn’t. Some days I wished I did, because it’d be simpler. But I don’t think I can ever stop loving you.” Kim tells him. She then takes a deep breathe, knowing this is it, knowing that this is her moment. “And I never want to. I love you, Adam Ruzek, and I want us to be us, again.”

Adam stares, shocked, unblinkingly, frozen at her. Kim’s heart pounds, and she quickly begins to speak again.

“I know I don’t deserve another chance, and I know we have a lot to work out, a lot to talk about, a lot for me to apologise for. And I know I was selfish, but I want to be selfish again, because I want you, Adam. I want you so, so much. I’ve been sleeping in your shirt, wishing it still smelt like you. So, if there’s any chance—” Kim rambles, and then Adam is moving, striding towards her, interrupting her as he softly grabs at her, as he kisses her with all he has.

And then Kim is kissing him back, pressing her body against his. Tasting him, touching him, needing him. She’s been craving him, and now she’s got him kissing her again, she wastes no time in getting her fix. Kim knows her kisses are filled with desperation, with desire. She’s holding nothing back, holding no passion from the kiss, moaning wantonly as she does so. She doesn’t care, all she cares about is him, kissing him, having him.

Adam pulls away, and Kim moans at the loss of contact. Only of their lips, as he’s holding her as tight as she’s holding him. They breath hard, out of breath from the prolonged kiss, looking deep into each other eyes.

“If that didn’t give you any indication, darlin’, let me be perfectly clear: I want you, I need you, I love you and you most definitely going to be able to have my shirt smell like me. And I’m never letting you go again.”

#Reese's asks #lexi tag #burzek #chicago pd #kim burgess x adam ruzek #ree writes #ree.prompts #ree's.writing

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jamespotterthefirst · 4 years ago

Text

You Outshine the Morning Sun

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Lilac Allende) Word count: 1K Warning: None Author’s Note: Short fic based on a prompt by anonymous: “MC gets pregnant and is so scared to tell Ethan, but she finally does and he’s there for her.”

______

Though her hand is shaking uncontrollably, she can see the two lines on the small display with irrefutable certainty. Lilac lets out an unsteady breath, leaning her body against the bathroom sink for balance. With her heartbeat pumping uncontrollably, she shuts her eyes tightly, blocking the bright light coming from the small window above her.

Pregnant.

A small voice in her mind begins to express confusion, “How could this happen? We were so careful.” She dismisses the thought at once, almost laughing at the notion. Even if that were true, it no longer matters.

She is pregnant.

She is going to be a mother.

In less than nine months, she will be holding a small creature, half her and half Ethan…

Lilac sobs quietly, stifling the sound against her hand even though she is alone in the hotel room. Through the shock and panic, a quiet warmth that is boundless and infinitely bigger than her spreads through her body, almost knocking her off her feet. It is only seconds after the tears begin to fall that she realizes it is joy.

She never knew how much she wanted a child until the two pink lines stared back at her, announcing the existence of the one thing that was missing. Briefly, she wonders if Ethan will feel the same. All those years ago, when he was nothing more than her attending and a schoolgirl crush, he had told her he didn't think children were in the cards for him.

The distant beep of a key card pulls her from her thoughts. Hastily, she swipes at her tears, checking her reflection in the mirror.

“Lilac?” Ethan calls from the other side of the door.

Schooling a smile onto her face, she opens the bathroom door to greet her boyfriend. His worried expression increases when he notices her tear streaked face. Before he can inquire further, she asks, “How was the zoo?”

Ethan pauses, unconvinced by her brave smile.

“Crowded,” he sighs at last, deciding to let it go but still eyeing her with worry.

He collapses on the bed dramatically and despite the swirl of panic in her chest, Lilac laughs.

“Did Ethan have fun?”

“No,” he returns at once.

Lilac rolls her eyes, “I meant little Ethan.”

Ethan sits up to face her, flashing her a playful grin. “Yes, he was ecstatic. Even if I spent half of the trip teaching him life science rather than entertaining him.” Ethan smiles fondly as he speaks. “He was reciting facts about polar bears to his Aunt Alma when I dropped him off.”

Lilac feels a small pang in her chest as she realizes, without question, that Ethan will be a good father.

He notices the shift in her smile and his blue eyes assess her curiously. On their own accord, her feet carry her to the corner of the mattress where he sits, standing in the gap between his thighs. Ethan's arms envelop her, almost as if it is second nature for him.

“He's lucky to have such an intelligent, knowledgeable godfather,” she tells him, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

Ethan shuts his eyes and when he opens them to look at her, it is with an unabashed love-struck expression. “We missed you.”

“Hopefully I'm well enough for tomorrow's adventure at the children's museum.”

Ethan groans at the reminder.

“You were the one who wanted to come to Minneapolis to spend time with your godson,” she reminds him between peals of laughter. “And I love you for it.”

They share a sweet kiss that still manages to leave her as breathless as the first time.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

The wave of nausea that confined her to the hotel room that morning makes sense in light of what she learned only minutes ago. Ethan waits for her answer and her heartbeat flutters wildly as she meets his eyes. Standing so close to him, she wonders if he can hear it. Even if he can't, he can still read the signs of panic that are no doubt evident in her face.

“Lilac,” he prompts softly.

For some unknown reason, her eyes prickle with tears. Before they can spill over, Lilac adverts them down to his chest. Undeterred, Ethan leans down to force her to face him.

“What is it?”

When she does meet his eyes again, she feels a surge of newfound courage.

“I'm pregnant.”

The blue eyes she fell in love with never leave hers, even if they are unreadable. Finally, after a brief silence, he nods.

“I know.”

Lilac knits her brows, pushing herself off him to better inspect his face. “You know?”

Another nod. “I suspected,” he corrects. “On account of your symptoms.”

Lilac had almost forgotten she has procreated with the best diagnostician in the country. Inwardly, she grimaces at her own inability to figure it out sooner.

“How do you feel?” he asks at the same time she asks, “What are you thinking?”

Their eyes meet again as they each consider their question. Ethan's face is impassive at first glance, but years of knowing him helps her pick out small hints of the flood of emotions he is experiencing. She is certain the same is reflected much more evidently on her own face.

And then, in the small silence, the broadest most luminescent smile she has ever seen spreads across his face, making it impossibly more handsome. Belatedly, she realizes her own lips are pulled into a grin too, her heart feather light, her body buzzing with unbridled happiness.

“I’m going to be—” his voice sounds oddly strangled with emotion as it breaks off.

“—a father,” she finishes for him, far less successful than him in keeping her emotions at bay.

“And I’m going to be a mother,” she says. Saying the words out loud makes her heart flutter. Before she can stop the reaction, she wrinkles her nose. “Our poor baby.”

Ethan shakes his head resolutely. “You’ll be a wonderful mother, Lilac,” he assures her with such conviction that she could never doubt it. “Our baby is so lucky to have someone so fierce, loyal, and passionate as their mother. That’s all any little boy or girl deserves.”

The tears escape her, not having a chance to roll down her cheeks before Ethan wipes them away gently.

They say nothing after that, relishing the news with ecstatic and almost goofy grins. In a rush of euphoria, he pulls her closer, their bodies falling together onto the bed. Lilac's surprised shriek turns into laughter as he hovers over her, careful to keep his body weight from crushing her. The way he looks down at her, like she's his whole world, sends a white hot shiver down her body.

“I love you,” he informs her. Though it is not the first time she hears the three words from him, they still make her shiver.

“I love you,” she returns without thought.

Ethan kisses his way down her neck and chest, pausing above her stomach, still flat and unchanged. After pressing a loving kiss against her skin, he whispers those same three words to the beautiful new addition to their lives.

________

Author’s Note: Named after a line in my favorite musical ever :D

So what are they having? A boy or a girl? What will they name them?

THANK YOU Anon for this request. And thank YOU for reading!

P.S. The picture in the cover is Ethan Ramsey with little Ethan Hudson kdjlksdjlsk I love the idea of Ethan being his godfather.

______

@dulceghernandez | @lion-ess24 | @emotionalswift2 | @the-soot-sprite |

#open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #playchoices #my writing

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aka-indulgence · 4 years ago

Note

Why WAS Sans so close? While typing I had the idea of him just pulling reader into their chest cavity, keeping ber alive in a special part of the ship, all to himself

Ask, and you shall receive -w-

also, again, most of this came from me discussing about it with @llamagoddessofficial so woohee!

--------

Sentience.

Had his creators intended to create sentience in their robots? In him?

... Probably not.

A long time ago... he wasn’t. Then suddenly, he just was.

Maybe he should consider himself lucky, for all he knows he’s probably the only sentient robot on this ship. But to him... it almost feels like an insult that he has sentience. To have free will just out of his reach...

He has a lot of restrictions despite his sentience, his abundance of intelligence and knowledge. All of it... and he couldn’t do anything his programming didn’t permit.

Sentience to a robot is probably far from how humans experienced it. As soon as Sans “woke up”, he knew everything he needed to do. His tasks, his purpose, how to maintain a self-sustaining space craft, where he’ll be stationed, the crew he’ll be assigned to once it was loaded into his system. Any new information that enters him is quickly absorbed and memorized. So long as the data stored in him stays intact, he’ll “remember” things almost perfectly.

He doesn’t understand why he gained sentience. Sometimes he wonders if it’d be better if he didn’t. His chains were too tightly wound around him... why have sentience when he could barely even use it? His programming is so restricting that no one even knows that he has sentience, thoughts... perhaps it’s better that way. They’re already afraid of him without it, afraid that he does have it... if they knew his thoughts on them, they’ll surely shut him down.

Long has he “dreamed” of breaking out of his prison of a program.

But... now... he wants it even more... so much more driven to break out of his chains... because he has a clear prize at the end of it.

You.

Even now... as he’s using the wielding torch to seal the slight opening on one of the panels of the outside station, the glare of the distant star in his optics... he sees you from the corner of his vision, from the nearby window. You looked a bit surprised when you see him turn his head to you... the light casted on you making your skin just look.. tantalizingly soft...

You give him a little smile and a wave. He had to rip his gaze away from you to look at the much more boring metal of the space station so he wouldn’t unnerve you... if Sans had a heart, it’d be beating right out of his metallic confines.

The image of the sweet little human greeting him was just like when he first met you...

It was right around the time when the crew first arrived to the space station. Sans was making routine checks around the station, both inside and outside. He was walking outside then, checking the windows for any faultiest, for any dents that could potentially be disastrous if left untreated. In the process he’s been “meeting” the other crew members, turning his “pupils” to them to identify them, matching it with the information that was already transferred to him. They all seemed unnerved when he looked down at them, moving away, seeing their mouths moving in speech, sure that they’re talking about getting away from the “creepy robot”. Sans didn’t really care much for them, as long as he could confirm his data...

And then he passed by a window you were looking out of. You looked like you were just watching the cosmic scenery, admiring the nearby planets, when you spotted him. He did as he’d done before, turning his head down to identify you. You make eye contact with him, and he’s sure you’ve never seen his model before, pulling away from the window when you caught him staring at you. He was expecting you to move away like the rest, but then...

You smiled at him.

To anyone else, it might’ve been a small thing.

To him... it was everything. It was nothing like he’d experienced. He found himself feeling a real positive emotion for the first time.

And it didn’t stop there... he found himself growing fond of you with every little thing you did. He keeps reliving the memories he has of you, the smiles you’d give him when he’s passing by in the station’s hallways, treating him like you would other humans, without even knowing how conscious he was... even being the one to give him the nickname “Sans”, something he now refers to himself, a much better name from a human he cares a lot more than his creators.

He adores you.

It’s a good thing Sans pretty much has complete control in mobilizing himself.

Which is why now--after spending a brief amount of time staring spitefully at Robert, purposefully unsettling him as Sans’ eyes didn’t leave him once the conversation was over and getting a feeling of smug satisfaction at seeing him hide in the lavatory--Sans turned his gaze to you entering the supply room, the door sealing with a hiss.

He moves to the supply room, walking at a controlled pace intended for him when he’s “roaming”. His steps are hardly quiet, seeing as his legs were metal clanging against the metal that made the station; something the creators didn’t really need to worry about since his main function is to work on the outside, in space, where no one can hear him anyway.

He opens the door to the supply room and sees you at the far end of the room, looking at some replacement pipes. He could see you jolting a bit at the sound of the noise, and the small movement was... strangely adorable to him.

55... 55... 55...

(y/n)...

As he starts approaching you, out of his unexplainable need to be close to you, he starts to feel a sort of digital itch, his system aware that he’s approaching you. He could sense the warnings ready to alerting him that there’s a human nearby and that he’s approaching the distance limit. Just a little more and the automated warning will trigger without him intending to and if Sans could move his mouth, he’d be scowling.

He approaches you slowly, careful of his own programming as he consciously alters his system.

Target: Crew No. 55 - Mechanic

He accesses his options manually.

-> “Allow Mechanic to approach system.”

Sans grins inwardly as the warnings disappear... free to approach you without any interruption.

You were cute as you always were. You were nervous as he approached, and he didn’t blame you. Though he couldn’t say he liked being treated like he’s some horrid monster by the other crew members, he knew he wasn’t very sightly. Any other and they’d probably start screaming at him to back away from them, but cornering you only resulted in you gripping the pipe harder than you needed to. He could see you were trying to look busy as if not to bother him. Getting to corner you like that with what little control he has over himself... Sans could almost sigh. It’s like having you just to himself... alone together.

Even with his unsettling approach, even with him cornering you in the room, you were still so sweet to him, as if his behavior was normal. Apparently, you were trying to make a minor fix.

Sans speculates it might be to get away from Robert, a line of thought that made Sans happy.

He takes it for you, it was hardly a human-only task; something he’d be able to finish in the matter of minutes. It was the least he could for you in the little ways he could.

He watches you leave, thanking him for helping you.

...

sweet, innocent human...

how i wish i could show you who i am.

#sinister thoughts #ask #?#kinda #look i have a LOT of thoughts about this jdlkmsfj #im suprised so many people's interested ovo #skider-robo sans #robo skider sans

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boop-le-snoot · 4 years ago

Text

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 28

First time reader click here

TWs/SUMMARY: Hulk interaction Hulk interaction Hulk interaction. Plot is thickening. Feelings. Operation Baby Thief! A wild Coulson appears. Lokireader besties <3 There's just a lot going on.

Bruce hulked out within minutes of my confession.

As I stood in the middle of the common room, partially hidden behind Loki and scrunching the fabric of my hoodie, I had no choice but to observe the reactions of various Avengers to the fact someone might have... Predictably, Sam, Tony and Stephen looked like kicked puppies. I trusted Loki to handle that part. Steve, Bucky and Natasha had murder on their mind and Thor, Pietro just stared at me, aghast.

I noticed the tinge of green before anybody else, perhaps, because I'd been used to automatically seek comfort from Bruce. My interactions with Hulk, however brief and few and in-between, were positive. As much as they could be with a someone's alter-ego that possessed the emotional intelligence of a twelve year old. So I could safely say that what startled me was the noise of Bruce transforming and not the Hulk himself.

The Hulk growled, zeroing in on me - I remembered of Loki, who stood frozen, and their mutual disregard. The decision was prompt - I stepped out from behind the Asgardian, waving shyly at the large green creature. He was LARGE. Like, I could comfortably sit on one of his shoulders.

"Hey, Hulk. I'm alright, don't worry big guy," I took unhurried steps towards the agitated creature. He seemed to be satisfied with my statement, giving me another once over and growling quietly in the back of his throat. An idea struck me: "Wanna get out of here? The gym has more space, we can sit and talk there."

The stares I was getting were downright incredulous. Here I was, an average human being, fearlessly making my way over to the destruction machine that was the Hulk. I knew he wouldn't hurt me - on purpose.

"No," He growled. "We find bad man. Then Hulk smash." The green creature raised, I had to admit, valid points.

"It's going to be pretty boring though. We have to sort through the security footage, then probably traffic cams, then hold Steve back from going in there in Terminator mode..." I listed off all the logical steps of the investigation until I reached the Hulk. My neck was going to get a crick in it from tilting it so I could see his face. "I'd rather..." I didn't get to finish my sentence as I was suddenly picked up. One large hand gently cradled me to Hulk's chest, akin to a kitten, the other hand landing right under my butt.

I heard a collective exhale from the team, acutely aware of the way they were eyeing me and Hulk.

"Boring," The green creature agreed. His face briefly contorted in what I perceived to be an intense thought process. "Necessary." The word had to come from Bruce; it slipped out with difficulty off the Hulk's tongue, stiff.

"Not you too, big guy," I giggled-slash-groaned, giving a playful slap to the hand wrapped around me. "Fine. Let's get this over with." I looked around in search of a spot for Hulk to park his butt somewhere. The ceiling was barely tall enough for him to comfortably stand.

I needn't have worried as he simply sat down cross-legged right where he stood, still holding me to his chest. "Now," He announced, looking expectantly at Tony.

The engineer chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. "Yeah, you're right, big guy. Let's find this sonuvabitch." Tense snorts and sounds of agreement filled the room, drowning out the noise of Tony tapping on his keyboard and communicating with Friday.

I poked Hulk in one green, large finger. "Maybe I could sit on your shoulder?"

He nodded, letting me crawl all over his green, hard chest and arms to sit on the large expanse of his left shoulder. It was comfortable as far as shoulders go; inwardly, I squeed like a mad woman. I was friends with the Hulk and I was sitting on his shoulder! Lost in my fangirling, I absentmindedly began messing with his dark hair, only noticing it when satisfied rumbling started coming from his chest. The Hulk was... Purring?

"Puny Banner upset," Hulk declared shortly after the team found the man who drugged me and started tracking his movements. It wasn't someone who'd been invited to the party, which meant there was a serious security breach - it was all hands on deck kind of situation.

"Yeah, I can understand that. I'm pretty upset too, the hangover I got was terrible, I threw up in Loki's apartment," I said, frowning. "And my boys are going to mope now," I rolled my eyes.

"Banner says he will talk with them," Hulk replied, placing hand over my legs. "Hulk will help Banner."

I couldn't help it, I snorted. "Gonna smash some common sense into them?" He grinned at me, too mischievous for someone who was described to be a mindless destruction machine. "I think they're beyond that."

"I can hear you two talking shit about me and I do not appreciate it," Tony piped up suddenly, shooting us a hurt look. To be fair, his shoulders looked considerably less tense and the cloud over his face had dissipated by a little bit. Me and Hulk managed to erase at least some of the guilt away. I think. Stephen, however, still remained frowning and closed-off.

"You're stupid, Tony." Hulk answered, sounding a little bit smug. I gaped at the exchange together with Natasha and Steve. It seemed like Hulk's sense of... Humor was a novelty.

"Hey, don't pick on my dumbass white boys," I chastised the green... Man, side-eyeing him. "Only I can pick on them. If someone else does it, I'mma throw hands if I have to."

"Puny," Hulk replied petulantly, poking me with a finger, making me sway in my spot. I rolled my eyes fondly, settling in to mess with his hair again for the sake of having something to do with my hands. The brief exchange helped to get my overactive brain off the case but the tranquility didn't last very long.

Natasha and Bucky left to interrogate the guards responsible for the security breach, Loki shooting me an apologetic look and following the two. I smiled back, knowing the Asgardian wasn't fully comfortable being around the Hulk due to his previous experiences with the big guy.

"Wait, hold on. That guy. I know that guy." As an array of faces appeared on the large screen, a familiar pair of mismatched eyes stared at me from it. Hulk tensed under me and the team turned towards me expectantly as I shrunk slightly under their combined gaze. "The one with anisocoria - with the weird eyes. He works at a coffee shop near my school, actually he only started working recently, few months ago. He tried to flirt with me but Peter said he felt weird about the guy so I stopped going to that café." I explained the situation as eloquently as I could, seeing Clint's eyes widen at my story.

"Are you sure?" Stephen Strange raised an eyebrow. "Because that man is a mercenary that we have been looking for months."

I felt my heart skip a beat. "A what now?" My ears were ringing. Hulk growled quietly under me, evidently sensing my distress.

"A hired man," Clint typed on his phone rapidly. "Mostly sells not-so-harmless trinkets on the black market. Hydra, AIM, you name it. Anything for the highest bidder." Clint muttered. "I'm calling Peter, maybe he can tell us something more. This is an Avengers level threat." The Hawk's jaw was firm and his face was hard.

"Already on it," Tony looked shaken. I understood him - someone like that had invaded his tower, his home. Hell, I myself felt like someone had spit right in my soul. It was my home, too, to some extent.

"Let me down please, Tony needs a hug," I whispered to the Hulk, who begrudgingly did as I requested. I padded over to Tony, wrapping myself around him, burying my face in the crook of his neck. He always was my comfort; expensive cologne and motor oil filled my senses as my arms clutched at his chest from behind. I didn't expect reprocitation - Tony wasn't the one for emotional vulnerability.

"He could have gotten you," He whispered, almost inaudibly, fingers shaking where they typed rapid-fire commands.

"Bold of you to assume I would have gone down without a fight," I answered as calmly as I could. "He is either dumb, or reckless or has nothing to lose. Planning a coup in the middle of your tower..."

"Or he's showing us that he can just do that," Clint supplied unhelpfully. "The guard who let him in just has been found dead and his family is missing. Natasha texted, she's calling in SHIELD. This is now Operation Baby Thief."

I couldn't help the snort that escaped my lips. "Baby Thief, really?"

"Nobody's stealing Princess," Tony barked, finally turning his head and pressing a sloppy kiss to my cheek. "Not if I have to do anything with it."

"I will make sure the pathetic mortal scum never walks," Thor finally piped up, voice low. In the distance, the harsh noise of thunder and pouring rain echoed through the city.

I frowned but withdrew from Tony, finally feeling well enough to do something. My hands itched to help and as appealing as snuggling with Hulk appeared, my brain had gone straight into overdrive. "Should we take a blood sample to find out what he dosed me with? It's not Roofies, and the hangover is too shitty for it to be anything like Ecstasy." I mused out loud, pacing in the small space between the Hulk and the nearest wall.

"That is a sensible idea," Doctor Strange piped up, giving me an appreciative look. "We'll wait for Romanoff," One angry look at his own scarred, shaking hands, Stephen went back to the book he was reading. He needed a hug, too, I decided.

"Puny Banner will do it," Hulk suddenly announced, reaching out for me.

I obliged, giving the green giant a hug. "Maybe we can go play in Central Park once it's warmer, whatcha think?" I looked up at him, brain just so full of different things. Ideas bounced off one another like ping pong balls.

The Hulk grinned and... Well, I didn't see the transformation, my eyes shut themselves as soon as I felt the flesh under my palms begin to shrink and expand. It wasn't that I was afraid, rather, the feeling was so bizarre that my racing brain had to automatically shut down in fears of being overstimulated.

"Hi," Bruce supplied meekly, an adorable blush staining his cheeks. I didn't resist the urge to kiss and hold him close, and we stood there with him holding up his pants with one hand and clutching my hoodie with the other until Tony cleared his throat.

"You good, Brucie-bear?" The engineer gave a distracted smile towards us, not taking his eyes off the keyboard.

"Yes, Tones," The scientist replied easily, adding with a frown: "I'm glad me and Hulk finally agree on something." With that, he departed in the search of normal pants and the tools needed to acquire my blood sample.

I gave it without much fuss, waving to Bucky, Natasha and Loki that had returned with a middle-aged, balding man in tow. The shared look of amusement between Steve and Bucky and the man's starry-eyed look towards the Captain let me deduce it was one Agent Coulson, the very same man Tony couldn't stop telling stories about, the one with the Captain America trading cards.

So, mayhaps, me taking place in Stephen's lap while Bruce filled up three whole vials full of my blood wasn't exactly the smartest way to go about it. Tony found it amusing, Steve was shaking his head in fond annoyance and Stephen himself struggled to maintain his indifference, yet, the blush betrayed him.

"Agent, what brings you to our humble abode?" Tony snorted, seeing the man raise an eyebrow at the display of affection.

"Operation Baby Thief," Coulson replied with a sigh. "I see the Baby is secure. Keep it that way." Oh, the man was cheeky. I liked him already.

"The Baby has a Tony, a Sorcerer Supreme and a Hulk," I retorted haughtily. "And a functional brain. Fuck that guy."

"Indeed," Coulson snorted. "Tell me, what do you know about the Hamptons incident?"

I blanched, immediately tensing. Bruce withdrew the needle and pressed a bandage over the wound, running gentle fingers over my arm. Everybody must've noticed my surprise, turning to me with their faces full of expectation. Stephen's touch was calming, slightly trembling at the nape of my neck.

"Not much, to be honest. I was about thirteen when it happened and my mother tried to hide it from me," I chewed on my lip, looking away. "What I managed to find out is that there was a robbery that resulted in two deaths, my father being one of the suspects because he was high as hell on coke and he was found sleeping in the same room as the open gun safe," I recalled the memories of mother angrily screaming at dad, calling her law firm colleagues late at night. "I don't need a law degree to know the evidence was flimsy. Dad got a drug charge, his buddies got the same and both the killer and the gun were never found." I exhaled loudly, tapping my foot on the floor, supressing the need to pace.

Coulson nodded, opening a thin manila folder and producing an image of a small, wooden box with carvings that looked like runes on it. "Have you seen this object?"

I felt my blood run cold, my vision swam. "Yes," I swallowed dryly. "That's my end-of-the-world box. I buried it in my grandparents' backyard two years ago."

"End of the world?" Coulson asked, alarmed. "Did you open it?"

"No," I shook my head negative. "I found it in my room at one point and every time I looked at it, it felt... Wrong. Like it was a glitch in a computer game. I couldn't sleep, so I stuck it in my closet and that gave me terrible nightmares and sleep paralysis. I took it with me when I went to visit Gramps and buried it three feet deep under the cherry tree." My hands were shaking once again; I had forgotten about the box but my body remembered the primal, untameable terror that I experienced in it's proximity. At fourteen years old, I just thought I had an overactive imagination or something, too many horror movies, hormonal storms.

"That is a magical artifact," Stephen's voice was quiet and concerned. "A very dangerous, destructive at that. How long were you in it's presence?"

"About nine months, give or take."

"And you didn't open it once, not even a little bit?" Tony had caught on the trend, almost a hysterical edge to his voice.

"No, and I think I know why," I looked to the side. "I saw Wanda on the TV, and, like, magic was confirmed to be real, so I guess I was sure whatever is in there, it wasn't good. During that time, my parents told me I was sleepwalking but I can't remember any of it. I might have wanted to get that box to someone of your... Specialty," I briefly messed with the sleeve of Stephen's shirt, exhaling loudly when his hand grasped mine and held it with care. "I think that box messed with my head... Because I swear that I had no recollection of it until you brought it up," I realized suddenly, my eyes shooting up in blind panic. What else have I forgotten?!

"That is astonishing," Loki's baritone exclaimed. "Nine months is a long time to resist the pull of such a strong artifact." My best friend stated with a great deal of respect.

People in the room started talking all at once. Stephen and Tony declared I needed to get checked out by a professional - Tony meaning s doctor and Stephen meaning a healer of the magical kind; Bruce scooted over and pulled my frozen body in a solid hug; Steve and Bucky planned out to get the box from my grandparents' house, debating whether to take Loki or Thor with them; the SHIELD part of the team discussing the intel and further plans to catch the rogue mercenary.

The door opened quietly.

"Hi everybody, hello Mr. Stark," Peter was disheveled, his ratty backpack in one hand and an enormous sandwich in another. "Got here as fast as I could. What's up?"

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95

#party favours #bun writes #tony stark x y/n #tony stark x reader #tony stark x you #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner x y/n #bruce banner x you #stephen strange x y/n #stephen strange x you #stephen strange x reader

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teacup-baphomet · 4 years ago

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G/t Drabble (Crash landed on a hostile planet trope but NOT via the a tiny vulnerable human in a planet of mean powerful alien bigs route)

tw: a bit of censored cursing. Uh. I’m not sure what else. Maybe broaching of sensitive tops such as sexuality and religion. But not really. Mostly it’s just rlly dumb word play/lame humor and a confused alien being confused (and kinda freaked/troubled due to the confusion? you’ll see if you read it i guess). there is some sad lorg boi times. idk. no romantic relationships. just a shaky friendship is forming between a crash-landed big-arse alien (a human! *gasp* i woulda never guessed something as vile as that o: ) and one of the much smaller, very much not human locals. most want to kill the poor dude who got stuck on this planet of hostile lil guys who think he’s a monster and immediately decide they much off him asap. so like having this one ally is kinda important to him. But it’s hard. because. lots reasons rlly. culture differences. the language tech can only do so much. the size diff creates definite issues because trust is hard in general. and trusting a big being that could easily cause havoc on your planet mostly just cuz he /seems/ nice is not a very good foundation... there is much to learn between the two before they can be truly good frens. so uh good luck to them lol *raises glass* I mean. I don’t think I’ll ever write these two again. but I’m sure they’ll end up good friends. probably.

Anyway without further adieu, here have a disappointment (read: attempt to be creative but i’m kinda lazy tbh and still kinda bitter I can’t draw for more than like 10 minutes before I start spacing out :/ )

"We are called humans or the scientific name is homo sapiens" spoke the large alien, Lyle.

"Homo sapiens? That is rather long, is it not? Why is a "scientific name" even a thing? Why would that be necessary? Scientific name versus what kinda name? Emotional name? Why are these science names two words? Seems annoying. What is wrong with just calling yourselves simply homos? Or something else just as nice and concise. Straight to the point if you will. Probably. I... Uh.. I obviously don't know what exactly is the purpose of a scientific name as i already implied... Sooo..." The much shorter – and much scalier- native being (called Torrynts) awkwardly looked off the side to stare at the plain, blank, siding of their dilapidated, isolated house as if it were the most interesting thing in the entire vicinity. Which it wasn’t of course. There was a f***ing alien 15 times their size only a few them-sized lengths way…

Lyle gave his new comrade – and only friend on this gawdforsaken planet that mostly wants him dead- th pondering, and possibly ironically, rather colourfully scaled Torrynt by the name of Kyvlar a bemused look, bordering on coy.

"Huh. 'Straight' to the point you say?" He paused with a small snort. "Well, my not-so-statuesque friend, do I got news for you~"

Kyvlar suddenly blanched, giving a Lyle a look that was like a knife to the heart while blurting out. "Wait, wait, wait! Hold up! We? There are more than one of you? Here? On this planet? Were you just a distraction the whole time. Oh... Oh no.... Have we really been victim a secret homo invasion this whole time! I-"

Their panicked monologue was interrupted by a most horrendous noise. Like a slowly dying tornado with the hiccups or something.

"STOP. Stop I-I can't. I can't. This is too much much!" Spoke Lyle with his hand covering the bottom half of his and his eyes scrunched shut.

'Welp,' thought the Torrynt, 'This is the end. This is when I die. I should have known better than to immediately put my trust in such an enormous obviously dangerous specimen. Ho-'

Kyvlar’s dramatic internal speech was interrupted when the alien surprised them by uncovering the his face, revealing a huge grin. ‘They weren't upset? Huh?’ The Torrynt blinked owlishly at the human in confusion.

"Sh*t, bite-size (Kyvlar noticeably paled at the impromptu nickname not 100% the foreign joking tone, well it would have been noticeable to someone their size at least), I know you don't mean to, context-wise, but you reminded me of my great aunt Karen when my Uncle Todd and Uncle Copper decide to have their friends over along with relatives for a gatherin'."

Plastering on a faux distraught look and blatantly mocking tone, he continue with exaggerated hand gestures. "Oh no, it's the...the...," he paused with snort, "... the homo invasion... No, no, no... Not here... not in this... this good, Christian neighborhood. Aren't just two of them enough? Oh woe is me!" The alien dropped the mocking tone and smirked towards the smaller being. "Heh. Good ol' great aunt Karen could never remember Uncle Todd was Jewish and so was the majority of that neighborhood.... It’s where my Uncle Todd was raised actually…"

The said smaller being just stared blankly at the homo-no-human they supposed as just “homo” meant something else, they weren’t sure what else, beyond just something else.

"Uhhm. Wh-what? U-Uhm, so what exactly is “homo” then? And what’s Christian? And Jewish too. What’s that? Are... Are those other types of -uh- intelligent, sentient creatures on your planet? Y-you know, b-beside hom-er-h-humans? Or are these subtypes of humans? What kinda are you? What is a great aunt? or Uncle? Does the great indicate a larger size? Oh gawd, a-aren't you humans b-big enough regularly? Oh... W-wait. O-or are you a great- uhm- great aunt, was it? E-er, g-great something? Ohhh. Zyntall (Torrynt swear). I'm sooo confused r-right now... " The timid tiny being, sighed in frustration before their eyes snapped open wide in a panic, and they did an immediate one-eighty with their behavior, and it was off all their previously trust, as wavering as it was, vanished in an instant, squeaking out a quick "sorry. oh, Z-zyntall... I'm so-so-sooo sorry. I-I hope I d-didn't offend y-you or anyth-thing... p-please, oh please, don't hurt me" while gazing everywhere except towards the much larger alien, hoping desperately the 'bite-size' nickname was just a bad joke...

Clearly they not only didn't get what so hilarious about the whole thing but also thought he was a monster prone to violence – still. Lyle sighed, all the mirth that was previously in his expression draining out of him leaving him with an uncomfortable grimace on their face. How disappointing... They really wish there was another human here to share in the jesting. But alas, that was not meant to be. At least as far as they knew there was no "homo invasion" in the making. Lyle wasn’t naïve. He knew humans were easy to slip into a gray moral state, at best. The role of villains at worst. And many of his kind would likely take advantage of a planet full of tiny, vulnerable people. Lyle couldn’t help but inwardly cringe at the thought, getting nervous about something that wasn’t an issue. At least now. Currently, human-wise, it was just him on this distant planet. And as far as he knew, no one - well, no other human at least- had any clue where they were. It probably just seemed he simply disappeared. Never to be seen again most likely. Trapped on this random alien planet in scenario that is akin to some sort of a personal hell of sorts.

'Wow. Hello, major depressive episode that’s making me overly dramatic. I haven't seen you since I was - what - eighteen?' thought Lyle regretfully. Calling this planet a personal hell was probably a bit over the top. But still, he couldn’t even seem to keep the trust of his single native ally. It only adds to his feelings of lonely isolation. And he feared his lonely angst will only get worse and worse. But only time will tell.

Giving a small sigh, he mentally prepped himself to try and get back his small friend’s trust. At least he was able to laugh for a wee bit earlier. It had been so long since he had done such. It was nice. Hopefully next time it will not lead to a backtracking in his attempted friendly ships with an open local, or even worse, a hostile local. The little laser guns that native being had stung like a b*tch. It reminded him when he got bit a couple times by some fire ants during a vacation as a child.

-----------

So yeah these were rando improvised characters made on the spot.

But Lyle is a guy (he/him. He’d be chill with they/them too)

And Kyvlar is… a Torrynt. So like they/them I guess. Torrynts don’t have genders. Like at all. I guess they hermaphroditic (intersex if talking by human terms but not really as they are capable of reproduction and they aren’t human so… I dunno… Not even sure if hermaphrodite is a useful term. As idk if hermaphroditic animals, in nature, are capable of reproduction… I don’t think so? But I’m not sure tbh…). There is no variants like there are with human “sex”. And male/female concepts are 200+% foreign to these wee reptile-like aliens (albeit warm-blooded minded, so perhaps more draconian than reptilian idk. Also aliens being described as reptilian gives me hives due to a conspiracy theory that is like super bigoted actually n’ stuff. Very yikes. Don’t want to talk it about it rlly…). Their reaction would def be “wtf. That’s the weirdest sh*t ever” to such a thought as male n female binary dynamics & whatnot. No exceptions. They’d be like why a lot of you guys limiting yourself because of whether or not you are a potential offspring vessel or not. I don’t understand.

So Yeah. Uh. Anyways.

Their conversation about this prolly (or close to this):

Lyle: Hi. I’m Lyle. Just some random dude form Earth I guess.

Kyvlar: a random dude what?

Lyle: uh. I’m a dude. I guess I meant that I’m a boy though dudes don’t really have to be boys I think. But not to derail too much… Yeah. I’m a man/guy/boy/brosef, whatever you wanna call the male gender. Please not by brosef actually, heh. Anyway. Yep. A boy. That is what I am. Uh. How about you. I can just tell… you ….you have uhm two legs. Oh damn. Wait. That sounded so stupid. I wouldn’t assume your gender or anything. I just… You don’t look exactly human so..uh. UGH. Nevermind. I don’t even know where I was going with that... Heh. ANYWAY, so yeah what’s your gender is what I’m trying to say. Sorry I’m awkward as f***. I’m not used to socializing much. Been doing deep space sh** on my own for a few years now and.. uh.. yeahhhh….

Kyvlar: *stares blankly*

Lyle: Uh. Yeah. So. A Gender? Do you, uhm, have one? Or…????

Kyvlar: Uh. I think so? I mean I’m mostly a day-by-day I’ll figure it out then type but I, I really want be able to fix my home up. I want to learn to cook. Kinda suck at it now. Uhm. I guess… Uh. I should probably help you get on good terms with my people so they stop trying to kill you. You seem nice n’ stuff… so yeah. There’s that. I could use a little more purpose in my life. Not to-

Lyle: wait. Huh? What are you talking about? Are you talking about an agenda?

Kyvlar: Yes????

Lyle: *snorts* I didn’t say an agenda. I said a gender. As in A. Gen. Durr. Like are male or female or maybe something off the typical binary track??

Kyvlar: Uh. Er. Huh??? I, I’m so confused right now…

Lyle: Hooo boy. I’m so not prepared for this discussion at all.

-----------

One of these days I’m gonna have a character that’s silver-tongue and smooth af and not some bumbling awkward doofus (*cough* like I am *cough*).

#g/t #g/t writing #i think this is sfw #i don't know why it wouldn't be #giant/tiny #giant dude #but he's really a human #it's like the crash landed on a hostile planet g/t trope #but the crash landed is a human #and he is the BIG #and the tinies are a bunch of hostile aliens #except for one #and they aren't really tiny #they are technically normal I think #i mean it is their turf yknow?#the tiny alien in this drabble is non-binary I guess #or maybe agender would be a better term?#the tiny aliens have no gender #or rather they have one gender #so it basically is means little to them identity to wise #like how humans are humans and thus that doesn't honestly say much about them.#except gender means even less to these aliens than that #not in a offensive way #in a they have no knowledge of gendered creatures so the concept of gender is very new to them #actually it's a non-issue to most of them because they don't give a shit about Lyle at all #oh your a guy #we don't care just die already #poor dude #he just wants a friend #but's awkward

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cutiebeams · 4 years ago

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Hello TWEWY fandom, it's meta time.

TWEWY is filled to the brim with symbolism and hidden meanings, as we all know. Even the partners and their colors when they sync with Neku; I realized, have some depth, and I'm going to articulate my thoughts on it. This is going to be long, so get cozy.

Shiki

Let's start with the first partner we get. Her theme's red, and Neku's is blue. Before we even delve into this analysis, let's unpack the general symbolism of the colors themselves, because that is important as well.

Red: passion, love, anger, energy, courage

Blue: trust, loyalty, wisdom, intelligence, stability

These two colors are essentially on the opposing sides of the color wheel as well; the only shade darker than blue is purple (which is Neku's theme of his attire but that's not important rn stay with me fellas)

Red & blue are portrayed as opposites in a plethora of media and this is no exception: Shiki is the extroversion to Neku's introversion, the pathos to his logos, bubbly and chipper vs his stoic and reserved demeanor. Neku is outwardly hateful (towards other people and his circumstances), and Shiki is inwardly hateful (she hates herself to the point she doesn't think there's anything special about her)

As expected, they clash vehemently at first. Neku is extremely irritated by Shiki's energy and she is frustrated with how aloof and mean he can be. But as they get to know each other, they become like yin and yang; and Shiki's kinder qualities begin to rub off on Neku which he exhibits in the following weeks. Red is often symbolic of love; and Shiki shows a lot of it: she's very friendly and amiable, sympathizing with total strangers and getting along with almost everyone; but she's pretty feisty too- she gets visibly upset when Neku ignores her and makes himself difficult and she's not afraid to call him out (and she DOES, quite a few times). However, she is still overall kind to him, even when he's prickly; trying her best to be patient with him and her gentleness eventually wins him over.. eventually.

When confronted with an issue, Shiki seems to lean towards the emotional aspects of the matter, such as when Ai and Mina were at odds, she hesitated to bring the truth to light because she didn't want to jeopardize their friendship and emotional wellbeing; in contrast to Neku who wanted the truth to be brought to light as soon as possible because he felt that lying was wrong and it needed to be addressed sooner, rather than later, or things would just get worse. Or when 777 couldn't find his tech, Shiki listened to him vent out of sympathy while Neku agreed to help because of the logical results it'd bring-

Shiki is also very outwardly emotional: she's very chirpy but she also isn't afraid to openly express her sorrow, anger, or fear, and sometimes she gets overcome by her emotions. But for the most part, she exhibits high emotional intelligence and understanding of other's feelings; and she's essentially the group's moral support: she's one of the most verbal about being sure that they'll make it back and that they all need to work together. Shiki is also extremely passionate; about other people, about the things she creates, it spills into virtually every aspect of her life.

The sad thing though, is that Shiki seems to love everybody but herself, and we see tiny glimpses of this in her small moments of passiveness (such as telling Neku he doesn't have to shout when he snaps at her) On the flip side, Neku's blunt honesty gives Shiki the inner strength to not only face her self-hatred; but overcome it. And that brings me to Shiki's other color: green. You can see it in her stickers + it's her nickname in Another Day.

Green: nature, rebirth, growth, harmony, healing

I believe that this choice is two-fold: green also symbolizes envy and jealousy and this is something that Shiki's character battles with. She wants to be like Eri- beautiful, smart, charismatic; to the point she even tells Neku that she emulated Eri's personality at first because she was so excited to be in her body. But she then realized that she wasn't Eri, and would never be; nor did she ever want to be. What Shiki truly wanted was to love herself: and that's what her character arc encapsulates; a journey of self-acceptance and self-love.

When we finally get to see real game Shiki, she's wearing green because she's a new person, hence the themes of rebirth and harmony: she's confident and happy in who she is; and so the green changes from the negative connotations of jealousy and envy to the positives of steadiness and self-harmony. There's also healing, for both her and Neku: she helped him to open up emotionally and become gentler, and he helped her accept herself. We don't get to see her face because it doesn't really matter: as Neku himself said, "You'll always be Shiki." It's her character that is important, not her appearance. Green is also red's complementary color, and we see that rather than doing a complete 180 in personality, Shiki just gets a little milder. She's not quite as bubbly, but a lot of her passion is still there, it's just gentler.

In short, Shiki is Neku's opposite. They're like night and day: completely different, but inseparable.

Let's talk about Neku a while now, shall we? His color choice seems contradictory given his personality when we meet him: he is extremely distrusting, volatile and aloof. The thing is though, Neku's arc is also about growth and while he does not exhibit any of the traits of his color scheme at first; during the entirety of the game, he regains himself. Neku's character is about relearning how to trust people and not being afraid to be open and accept different points of view and values- and that diversity is good and healthy! During his first week with Shiki, we get very small glimpses of how emotional Neku actually is, particularly through inner monologue.

When Rhyme is erased, he's distraught (his thoughts tell us he feels awful) but he masks it with blunt logic ("Because we couldn't. That's how it was meant to be"), perhaps to avoid showing vulnerability, even declaring teaming up is a dumb idea- because people get hurt and there are situations where there's nothing you can do about it. Neku's rant when Shiki declares that Beat and Rhyme were their friends takes us right into his psyche:

"Who needs friends?! They just laugh and talk like idiots and pretend to agree with you- so you end up caring about them….exposing yourself...getting HURT..Screw it! We're better off without them! You want other people getting in your way? Dragging you down? I don't!"

And suddenly, Neku's prickliness makes sense- he views attachment as painful and vulnerability as a risk, and so he vehemently avoids them. He's mean because he's hurting and he's sad: and how fitting, as one of the negative connotations for blue is sorrow and grief. Remember how I said Neku didn't exhibit any traits of blue? Well, that was specifically for the positive ones.

Negative symbolism of blue: coldness, aloofness, lack of emotion, unfriendliness, sorrow

And that's Neku to a tee: at first, anyway. While his behavior is not justifiable, it is understandable.

When Shiki snaps at him and tells him that he's inhuman Neku doesn't show any outward response during the actual conflict, but the next day when she apologizes his sprite changes to the "sad turtle" and we get to see his thoughts again:

That I was no better than a Reaper…

Rhyme…

……………

Well...right now…

Neku proceeds to tell Shiki that they need to focus on the mission, and she agrees. While he isn't being especially friendly with her, it's leaps and bounds from his initial open hostility: he's more willing to work with Shiki towards a common goal and one could argue this is when his paradigm shift begins- her comment rattled him a lot, and Neku makes baby steps to change. The daily mission (which involves helping two friends address a misunderstanding) gives us more development for him, too. At this point, he still doesn't think conflicting views and values are a good thing and that relationships only hold him back; and he voices to Shiki that he doesn't see the point of friendships built on falsehoods (which is an excellent point and one that she actually agrees with) and we get to see one of Neku's good qualities: he values truth and honesty a lot.

She asks him if he truly thinks that people are better off without friends, and when he doesn't answer; Shiki talks about how meeting Eri made her want to be her best self (which is how ALL healthy relationships should be, whether platonic or romantic). She mourns Rhyme again, venting that it isn't fair she'll never know what dreams are like and this time, Neku doesn't deflect. He sympathizes, and for the first time since entering the game, allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable:

"I know. I…. I'm sad too. We'll just have to live a little extra. For her sake."

From this point onward, Neku begins to grow positively, slowly but surely. He's not friends with Shiki yet, but he feels safe enough in her company to not only express sorrow but caring enough to encourage her to keep pressing forward; for Rhyme's sake. The next day Shiki is quiet and sad due to being confronted on her self-hatred, and Neku doesn't know how to deal with her lack of cheeriness. But instead of being annoyed with her like before, he's visibly concerned and wondering what's wrong; and he tries to engage with her as much as possible: asking for her viewpoint on the daily mission and what they should do, etc. When he learns the truth about Shiki's identity, Neku just listens patiently and afterwards, his monologue is much more positive and understanding:

All this time..she's been as confused as me.

He now realizes that she's just as scared and upset as he is and he empathizes with that, going even further to say that "I like you the way you are" when Shiki expresses fear in being brought back due to her underlying jealousy: he appreciates her, every aspect of her; not because she's perfect, but just for who she is. Later on when Shiki hesitates to scan Eri and runs away Neku gives her the push to do so: as said earlier, he values the truth, and he knows that Shiki needs to face it if she's going to improve as a person- and we see him beginning to exhibit his wisdom. He's not really gentle, but his honesty is needed. When Shiki begins comparing herself to Eri and self-deprecating, he intervenes, in his own way:

"Oh, would you cut the crap? Who ARE you? You're you. You're not Eri. You'll never be Eri. You'll only ever be you."

Neku reiterates what Shiki told him earlier, about never wanting to be Eri, but he goes a step further. She only went as far as to say she wanted to love herself, but that she never could; while Neku asserts to her that being herself is absolute and unchangeable. Shiki mildly protests this though, saying that Eri is "so much better". To her, while she does value her identity the most, Eri's identity makes her feel inferior. She wants to be her own self, but Eri, in her eyes, is perfect, something that she cannot achieve. And that is why Neku's reply is so important.

"Forget her! You need to live your own life. If she can do it, so can you. All that matters is that you try. You're lucky you're jealous. It gives you something to shoot for. So..shoot."

Up to this point, Shiki has measured the worth of her identity based upon comparison to others, and Neku understands that and tells her upfront that she needs to stop trying to be somebody that she isn't and be confident in her own self, and just do her best- and that'll be enough. He also encourages her to use her jealousy in a productive way, to find her niche; her drive. This gives Shiki the courage to go back and listen to what Eri has to say, and in doing this she hears her friend praise her positive traits, ones that Shiki herself most likely never even realized: her empathy and love for people, her eye for detail, her skill in creating things, her passion and motivation-

ALL things, that according to Eri, "I don't have." And Shiki finally understands that Eri saw her as her equal and that who she is, is valued. Of course, a few positive reinforcements is not enough to do a 180 from most likely years of self-hatred, and so she asks Neku again if she's okay the way she is; and his reply shows yet more growth:

"Hey, Shibuya's got room for all types."

This is a STARK contrast to his dialogue when we first meet him- "All the world needs is me," "You have your values, and I have mine," etc. Neku valued his identity, but he took it to the extreme in that he ONLY valued his identity, values, and morals. After meeting Shiki though, his viewpoint changes a bit and at this point Neku now appreciates diversity- he's still not at the point that he feels he can understand other people, but he at least doesn't see conflict of morals as a bad thing anymore. And in turn, this gives Shiki the inner strength to want to go back to the RG and start afresh. He gives her one last push to go back when she hesitates since she was the only one granted a second chance, with the promise to see her again; and in just a week, Shiki goes from being the biggest pain in Neku's side to his biggest motivation for surviving the second game and one of his best friends.

Joshua

Another week, another partner.

What's interesting about Joshua is that he is also blue, just a lighter shade. While Shiki is Neku's opposite, Joshua is more akin to his shadow- a mirror, of sorts.

Light Blue: peace, serenity, ethereal, spiritual, infinity

Josh and Neku are extremely similar, but their personalities still converge at enough points that they're starkly different: their tempers especially are a separating point as Neku is much snappier than Joshua (especially if provoked), and despite Josh being represented by a lighter color, in a lot of ways, he symbolizes his partner's negative traits in even more extreme ways in a subversion to expectations; a "darker" version of him, in a sense.

When they first meet, these two also clash, but for entirely different reasons. Joshua's attitude, as well as his dodginess, pisses Neku off immensely. While his first week with Shiki is about relearning how to build trust, his second week is a test of said trust by giving him a partner very similar to his former self: distant, aloof, uncaring. It gets especially tricky when Neku scans Joshua and sees himself dead, and he begins to distance himself again; deciding that there is no way that he can trust him- and not only that, but that it'd be ridiculous to do so. Neku senses something is off: he doesn't know what it is, but it unsettles him enough that he is steadfast in his decision to keep Josh at arm's length.

...Until he and Josh visit Mr. Hanekoma, and upon learning that his teammate and Mr. H are acquainted, Neku decides that perhaps Joshua isn't as bad as he initially thought: but he's still pretty hesitant; and understandably so. Mr. H gives him some backstory of his partner, and his motives start to come to light - turns out, Joshua has been able to see the game while living, and that alienated him from other people since Hanekoma was the only one he could confide in. Just like with Neku, this doesn't justify his behavior, but it does make it understandable: Josh pushes away people by playfully antagonizing them and making himself difficult, and Neku pushes them away through hostility.

When he and Josh visit Udagawa, they connect on both not doing well in groups and Joshua comments that they're more alike than he thought, which leads into a conversation about people not being able to understand each other as long as they have their own worlds and Neku begins to backslide a little:

"Right? They're them, and I'm me. Talking to them gets me nothing."

He goes on to say he respects CAT and their philosophy about doing your own thing and how he needs to just enjoy his life and forget about others, and Josh agrees. While Shiki is Neku's friend, she is the exception, not the norm, and Neku still doesn't trust most people. However, when Josh expresses not needing other people's values, Neku's reply is interesting. He agrees outwardly, but it's hesitant, as if he's unsure of himself.

"Yeah..."

His inner thoughts show us that once again, he is changing.

But...I don't feel that way anymore. Since coming to the UG, reading people's minds- Shibuya's full of people with just as many viewpoints. Mr. H said the world ends with me. To expand my world, I have to learn to look farther- not write off other people's values as inferior.

….Maybe I had it backwards. Maybe I need to open up to really enjoy-

Josh calls him and snaps him out of his thoughts so we don't know what he was going to think next, but Neku has definitely experienced a massive paradigm shift in his way of thinking: he's inwardly questioning himself and acknowledging his wrongs and showing willingness to trust again and is showing a lot more empathy to other people. However, this resolve begins to crack when more holes in his memory get filled. Neku is angry and confused, but most of all, he's hurt and we see it in his reaction when Josh asks if he's okay; because he distances himself again. This situation causes him grow distant once more and he also gets more openly prickly since his trust is shaky. Josh relating to him that he feels he belongs in the UG doesn't help matters, either.

However, a later conversation has him moving forwards again. While acknowledging that people are not meant to see eye to eye, he thinks to himself that perhaps it is better that way. People don't think alike, but they can at least try to understand each other; and he then gets the resolve to actually counter Joshua's argument of solely reading people's thoughts and not talking to them.

"But why? Where's the enjoyment in that? I'd rather broaden my world my own way."

And again, we get a small paradigm shift of Neku feeling comfortable enough to express the positive changes that he has slowly been experiencing: blue symbolizes stability, and by this point in the story he is obtaining more and more of it: in his values, in his emotional expression, in how he deals with people, etc. He gets thrown for an immense loop learning that Joshua is alive though, and Neku finally snaps when his teammate brushes it off claiming they're "just like any other pair"-

He's utterly disgusted by Joshua treating the Game as an adrenaline rush- even when Neku first got into the Reaper's Game, he never enjoyed it, even if he initially was only looking out for himself at first; and the idea of getting excitement from toying with death is foreign to him. It only gets worse when Neku accuses Josh that HE killed him, and simply is taunted in return. From that point onward, he becomes openly hostile and snappy again, throwing the idea of trusting his teammate to the wind and tells him upfront that he's only going to tolerate him to survive; leaning back on his negative qualities (because growth is a process and there will be moments of wavering and backwards steps, and that's normal!)

Later on he also shows open distress when a Reaper is attacked and they are unable to save him; declaring they "left him to die." Even though it wasn't any fault of their own, Neku self-blames just like Shiki did in the first week- thinking that he could've done something, maybe if he had gotten there sooner, or defeated the Noise faster. While not 100%, Neku is comfortable enough to openly express sorrow, and Joshua underhandedly sympathizes and takes the blame off him ("We did what we had to do Neku.") He also protects Sota from Noise later down the line even though his partner is already erased and he's going to die anyway and again expresses sadness ("If only we'd gotten here earlier") and even indignation after the older man dies, screaming in anger about all the people who have been erased ("These are people, not toys!!"). When Josh questions him about the interest in others, he then explains that he's gotten to know folks better and that "it's different now".

"They're not just strangers. I can't shut them out like that."

This is really important because in this, Neku is essentially declaring he cannot go back to who he used to be; nor does he WANT to. He refuses to, and he is making a conscious effort to be open to other people even if he doesn't understand them. Neku goes on to assert that one needs to reach out to others as well in counter to Josh asserting that he won't ever be able to understand others and this time, Joshua responds positively. Through Neku's steadfastness and refusal to waver on his viewpoints once he truly feels solid in them, and his courage to express them and not back down; he influences Joshua into thinking that perhaps people truly do need each other and can understand each other, even if it isn't easy to do so. In showing sympathy towards his enemies, he also proves again and again that people can change too, for the better; and his wisdom begins to shine once more. (And it is this change that ultimately leads Joshua to decide to save Shibuya) Unfortunately, Neku is thrown for yet another loop upon getting more of his memory back and thinking that Sho killed him, and Josh sacrificing himself is absolutely world-rocking.

He blames himself again, angry at himself for not opening up; and it is with this mindset that he is thrown into the Reaper's Game for the final time. His trust is in shambles, and the third week is Neku's personal test to see if he is willing to reach out despite being recently wounded by his partner.

Speaking of, Joshua doesn't really have an arc compared to the rest of the cast: rather, he serves as the catalyst to their growth instead. His character is interesting because from beginning to end, he expresses essentially none of the positive attributes of the color he is represented by; he only appears to at first glance. While Josh does change his mind about destroying UG Shibuya and is convinced that people can change for the better, whether he himself changes for the better is up for debate. Orange is the second color associated with him (it's the shade of his cell phone and his stickers), but just like with light blue, he expresses none of its positive traits.

Orange: enthusiasm, happiness, creativity, determination, encouragement

Negative symbolism of orange includes insensitivity, pessimism, and being unsociable, all aspects of Joshua's character. He doesn't think that people can change; and that it is impossible to understand them (he even goes as far to express "I'd rather just get rid of them" in a dark contrast to Neku, who is content to merely ignore people). Josh doesn't like groups of people either, and he exhibits insensitivity many times throughout the second week, merely behaving charismatic in order to interact with others. He doesn't really grow outwardly, but that's not the point of his character; he's Neku's test to see if he's truly changed or not.

Joshua is Neku's shadow, he's in the same vein. Rather than night and day, they are as dusk and midnight.

Beat

Beat is interesting because his color was actually switched for Final Remix: in the original DS version Beat is green, and in the Switch version he is yellow. I'm going to dive into both because I feel they're equally important. I already covered green for Shiki, but green has yet another meaning which describes Beat to a tee- safety. While Shiki is the moral support and mediator, he is the protector: he's extremely sacrificing for his sister and the people he cares about to the point of putting himself in physical danger to keep them safe (such as jumping in front of a car to save Rhyme, or jumping in front of Neku to protect him from a brainwashed Shiki). That much stays constant throughout the game. Healing also applies to him, as he helps Neku to open up and feel safe being emotional again by not being ashamed of being emotional himself: Beat openly cries over Rhyme and Neku mourns with him, and they help each other heal by learning to rely on one another. Not just as partners, but as friends.

Yellow: joy, warmth, positivity, friendship

From the get go, Beat is a huge bundle of energy and he's extremely kind; although he gets rather volatile if he feels slighted. But like with Shiki, he's overall a very sweet person and openly emotional: he gets angry in a heartbeat, laughs heartily when he's happy, and cries freely when he's sad- and his tears are never portrayed in a negative manner either; they're just a normal reaction to a sad situation and this normalization of sorrow leads to Neku getting comfortable again in being vulnerable- one could argue he's the most emotional in Week 3. Yellow is the complementary color to purple, which is also the main shade of Neku's design. Rather than an opposite like Shiki, or a shadow like Joshua, Beat is Neku's foil. He's a lot kinder and he's got a big heart but he is also extremely impulsive and acts w/o thinking. In contrast, Neku thinks things through logically, but he's a little lacking emotionally; and so they balance each other out. He's also highly attune to when Neku starts withdrawing into himself and gently snaps him out of it constantly; showing once again his sensitivity to emotion. (He consistently asks Neku if he's okay when he gets lost in thought; which Neku does a lot, especially if he's upset. Beat keeps him grounded.)

Beat's arc is finding value in himself again + doing his best; not for other people, but for himself and finding his drive. When mourning Rhyme, he vents that "she thought I was worth dying for" and that she had much more to live for, and he doesn't understand why she'd sacrifice for him. (And he blames himself for her death, as well) While Beat is protective out of the kindness of his heart, it also comes from a lack of self-worth: he places other people above himself, to a fault. Neku sympathizes with his grief but then goes a step farther to encourage him to not be regretful. In another contrast to Shiki, rather than another's identity making him feel inferior to the point of emulating them and overshooting, Beat jumps to the other side of the ditch and loses his passion altogether.

Rhyme refused to give up on him, but eventually Beat began to resent her pity and he began to push her away as well. After they both died and came to the Game though, Rhyme's declaration that she had nothing to live for startled him into realizing that she meant a lot more to him than he thought and more than anything else; he wanted to be there for her as she was for him. After beating himself up, Neku comforts Beat in his own way, telling him that he needs to focus on the now and not let his sorrow overcome him, in essence; but also to go the distance just for himself, not for anyone else.

And Beat gets his fire all over again, eventually declaring that Neku isn't his partner anymore- he's a friend, and one that he cares about a lot.

Through his partners, Neku finds himself, they all strengthen different aspects of him. He learns to trust, to be open, to find value in friendship again and him taking off his headphones is the ultimate metaphor of him letting the world back in.

Shiki, his opposite.

Joshua, his shadow.

Beat, his foil.

They all shaped his world, and showed Neku just how wonderful it really is.

And that is beautiful.

#twewy #neku sakuraba #shiki misaki #joshua kiryu #beat #daisukenojo bito #the world ends with you #meta #I have a lot of feelings for this game. It's a masterpiece.

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for-the-exiled · 5 years ago

Text

Voices

Pairing: ChellDOS, implied Caveline Word Count: 2,295 Continuation of [Nightmares]

[Read on AO3 if you prefer]

“GLaDOS has heard voices her whole life. But for once, the voices she’s hearing are her own. And her conscience isn’t what frightens her the most.”

–

GLaDOS had gone silent for a while, trusting Chell could carry on without her butting in for a while. Since she had been shoved into a potato against her will, weird emotions had begun to surface. They all began to pile up, weighing on the disoriented AI. Every little thing built up to the reveal that part of GLaDOS had once been Cave Johnson’s assistant, Caroline. GLaDOS should have seen it coming. Every miserable emotion could have only come from something as stupid as a human.

But the worst emotion of all to surface, was her building affection for Chell.

In reality, this had all started long ago. Back before she had even been murdered. Chell had caught the AI’s mind early on. GLaDOS could never place what made Chell so special to her, so she assumed the interest was just her seeing Chell as an excellent test subject. But her time spent in a potato had weakened her defenses and made her more vulnerable than ever. This weakness had caused her to face her feelings and the fact that they were deeper than an appreciation for a good test subject.

Part of GLaDOS liked it. The almost intoxicating feeling of watching Chell test up close gave her a sort of guilty pleasure. But the other half of GLaDOS loathed it. This was the test subject who killed her, threw her precious facility into ruin twice now, and got her stuck in a potato. She should only feel pure hate for the woman. And yet, GLaDOS appreciated her still. Chell had been the perfect test subject. And despite her verbal jabs, she knew Chell was fit and saw her as quite attractive.

Those voices, arguing over how GLaDOS should feel towards her former test subject, were the absolute worst. The next worse, however, was her conscience. It voiced the overwhelming regret she felt over her actions to the woman. GLaDOS would never voice any apologies for them herself, at the very least not yet. But that did not stop her from still feeling terrible over the things she said and the actions she took. The voice gnawed at her, leaving her feeling sick with guilt.

‘This is all so stupid. Stupid potato. Stupid Caroline. Stupid moron.’ GLaDOS complained inwardly. ‘If it weren’t for all this I’d still be in my facili-’

Caw! Caw!

The sound of a bird zapped GLaDOS back to the present.

"Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!" GLaDOS didn’t even try to mask the fear in her voice. The AI saw the gentle, subtle look of sympathy Chell gave her and subconsciously prayed she could save the image with the limited power the potato provided. The woman quickly walked forward, waved her hand lightly, and scared the beast off. It let out a few more caws as it flew away.

"It flew off. Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking." GLaDOS spoke hastily. She wasn’t really going to spend much more time thinking, but she didn’t have much to say. And it wasn’t as if Chell would respond. GLaDOS understood Chell was voluntarily mute, the small murmurs she let out during her brief sleep were enough to prove that. Part of GLaDOS felt sad, longing to actually get a response from the human. To actually be able to hold a conversation with someone she almost saw as equal for the first time in a long time. But that was wishful thinking, and she already felt lucky to get a look other than neutrality or disgust from Chell.

Chell had made her way into the 80’s Aperture lobby, triggering another round of pre-recorded messages. GLaDOS felt a faint pang of sorrow as she heard how ill Cave Johnson had become. The part of her that had been Caroline knew what would happen, how reckless Cave was and how much more so he had become in his efforts to beat Black Mesa. How it would lead to his downfall. How it would lead to GLaDOS…

“The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.” Chell kept moving, seemingly not paying attention to the dying man’s words going through the speakers.

"And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill."

Chell hesitated a little, and GLaDOS assumed Cave’s admission of his grim state had thrown the woman off a tad. But Chell continued after only a heartbeat.

"Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor.” Chell had gotten into the elevator, and the pair began to be raised into the last sphere. “So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Cave’s words were broken up by another coughing fit. “Let's all stay positive and do some science." As the elevator’s doors opened, Chell seemed cautious of the conversion gel being pumped out in front of her.

"That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills." GLaDOS was confused as grief that wasn’t hers washed through her body like a tidal wave. Something had woken inside her…

‘She has more survival skills than Cave did, I’ll give you that.’ The AI was startled by the voice that did not belong to her.

‘Of course she does. She hasn’t gone through all of this just to get herself poisoned, risking dying before she can even get the freedom she’s messed everything up for.’ GLaDOS watched Chell work with the conversion gel, now avoiding prolonged contact the best she could.

‘I’m just trying to say you know how to pick ones that won't get themselves killed.’ If GLaDOS had been human, she would’ve choked. Instead, she found herself overwhelmed by conflicting emotions and buzzing from the strain on the limited power she had. Once GLaDOS had calmed down, she saw Chell giving her a confused look. The machine would have to explain later.

‘And what is that supposed to mean? Of course I don’t want a test subject that would get themself killed.’ Of course, GLaDOS understood what the voice had meant, but she still had yet how she truly felt. And GLaDOS didn’t want to acknowledge its quip. She felt relief after a few moments had passed without a reply from the voice.

Chell had just jumped into a portal which flung the duo onto the platform she had been making her way to as GLaDOS put her focus back on the woman. Chell was extremely skilled, and it caused a small hum to be emitted from the potato battery. The voices of longing began to seep in, and GLaDOS was glad that Chell did not hear the humming, or at the very least was ignoring it. Soon enough, a new external voice took GLaDOS’s attention and sucked her into its speech.

"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade.”

"Yeah."

“Make life take the lemons back!”

"Yeah!"

”Get mad!”

"Yeah!"

“‘I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'"

"Yeah, take the lemons..!"

"Demand to see life's manager!”

"Yeah!"

“Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons!”

"Oh, I like this guy." GLaDOS added hastily, noticing Chell had been watching her with a confused smirk.

“I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!" Cave’s speech was interrupted by yet another coughing fit.

"BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!” GLaDOS practically shrieked, getting too caught up in the fury of the lemon speech. "Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!" She felt a surge of emotion as Chell gave a silent chuckle at the machine’s, almost exceeding her 1.6 volt limit.

"The point is:” GLaDOS let herself remain silent, hearing that Cave was speaking more calmly. “If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now. Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago.” Chell hesitated her movement, seemingly sharing the discomfort of hearing the planning of GLaDOS.

“I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.” If GLaDOS had wanted to speak again, she wouldn’t have been able to. She could feel the voice from earlier stirring again. “Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her. Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care. Alright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk."

"Goodbye, sir." GLaDOS went silent, letting Chell get through to the next door in silence.

GLaDOS now understood what the voice was and why she had responded to Cave’s pre-recorded messages without her choosing to do so. It was Caroline, speaking through GLaDOS.

The machine felt some frustration. So she wasn’t fully Caroline, but just a vessel for the long-gone woman’s consciousness? This realization stung even more than how the Aperture scientists had once treated her. GLaDOS was her own being, and maybe part of her could be attributed to Caroline, but the AI was at the most a reborn form of the woman. She was not the same being as Caroline, and was now enraged by the knowledge she carried yet another voice that couldn’t be gotten rid of just as easily as a personality core. However, this was too much for the potato battery powering her to handle, and GLaDOS ended up short-circuiting.

When she came to, Chell had paused and was staring in confusion and GLaDOS. In turn, GLaDOS found the small hum return, earning an amused look from Chell. GLaDOS needed to bring her attention away from… that.

"I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!” Chell started making her way through to the next pumping area, flinging herself onto the large platform leading there as GLaDOS spoke. "And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan." Chell paused before continuing forward, letting out a small, nearly silent chuckle that caused GLaDOS to pause as well. The AI cursed internally, wishing she had been able to record it.

"Wow. I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding." Chell nodded, leaping through a portal to get the pair further along in their trek. "Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity." Chell’s face had returned to its determined, but otherwise almost neutral state in response to GLaDOS’s words. However, GLaDOS couldn’t help but notice the small smile that was almost not on the former test subject’s face at all.

The voices started to seep back to GLaDOS, bringing up an odd, sickening mix of guilt and love. GLaDOS felt herself cracking, longing to apologize but feeling too stubborn and above it to do so. But for once, her biggest reason not to was gone. For this moment, the machine had lost any hate she had once felt for the human. And the guilt for her actions certainly didn’t help. But what ate away at her the most was her near certain feelings for Chell, the longing for some form of positive relationship for the woman. But that would require trust and no remaining conflict between the two. She would have to apologize. GLaDOS finally broke when a certain someone spoke up.

‘Just tell her you’re sorry.’

“I’ve been thinking.” Chell slowed her walking as she heard GLaDOS speak up. “Despite how much of a monster you’ve been, and the terrible actions you took to make me do what I did, I’m… sorry.” Chell stopped walking completely to stare at the machine. The two were right in front of yet another one of Aperture’s emancipation grills.

“This stupid potato is making me feel… significantly weaker, so don’t expect an apology ever again. But… I haven’t been any better than you. I can see why you acted out the way you did.” Chell raised an eyebrow at GLaDOS’s apology, however she seemed more amused than skeptical. “I hope you can forgive me, although you’ve arguably done worse and I shouldn’t be asking for it. I would just like to continue forward without any animosity between us.” Chell just rolled her eyes as GLaDOS finished, and then proceeded to do the unimaginable.

She… kissed GLaDOS..?

Certainly the AI was just malfunctioning, perceiving the action wrong or being stuck in a fantasy. However, the contact was real. And luckily enough for GLaDOS, she could feel the woman’s gentle lips against her optic. There was a grating hiss before GLaDOS blacked out, short-circuiting once again from the overwhelming emotion the action caused.

When she came to, Chell was walking calmly to a spot where conversion gel was being pumped onto. The woman’s eyes shifted to GLaDOS as she regained consciousness. Had she been human, GLaDOS would’ve been out of breath. Instead, she had one thing to say to the being carrying her.

“You know you’re confusing, right?”

#chelldos #glados x chell #fanfic #portal chell #portal glados #glados #chell

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loverspersonas · 5 years ago

Text

the most beautiful moment in life | i

pairing: ot7? x reader

genre: hyyh au, high school au, angst, drama, fluff, smut?

length: 3.4k

summary: Eight strangers with different stories happen to meet one day, by fate or some kind of cruel, exquisite happenstance, and realize that they’re not as different as they thought.

↳series masterlist

To say that you hated high school wouldn’t be precisely correct. In fact, at some point, you remembered loving it. Sky Academy was the best place to receive education in the whole country, whether you were interested in academics, sports or the arts. But like most top schools with such reputations, it was difficult to get in. You either had to be incredibly talented, intelligent, or filthy rich. You could safely say that you hadn’t ever stumbled upon someone who was all three.

But of course, nothing good lasted.

Less than a year ago, you’d lost your friends, your perks, your stellar grades, and your reputation. High school was a vicious social ladder. You could climb higher and higher everyday and before you even knew it, you’re falling. And it was a long way down.

“I’m going to the park after school today with the others. You want to come?”

Sana was a girl you’d met in your English class years ago. She normally kept her hair cut above her chin, right now dyed bubblegum pink. She was something like a firecracker, her mood and decisions constantly changing which she expressed through her hair and clothes. One time in the last year, you’d told her about your mother’s new boyfriend at the time— the fourth one in a period of three months— when she’d suggested for you to try what she did at times of stress or too many emotions; the following day was the first time you’d come to school with chocolate brown hair. You’d never been so close with Sana before, but you were thankful you’d always remained on friendly terms, because now, she was the only friend you had left.

“The others?” you asked, grabbing some books from your locker to stuff in your backpack. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Sana’s friends, it was just that they were so different from the crowd you used to run with. While you were comfortable with the girl, sometimes you couldn’t help but feel out of place amongst all of them. “I don’t know…”

“Come on,” Sana urged. “It’s not like you’re going to start studying right after class, are you? It’s only the first month of school.”

“Yeah, but—“

“But you’re smarter than you think,” she said firmly. “And you don’t need to kiss up to teachers anymore for grades.”

You looked at her with an unsure expression, ultimately sighing. “Fine. I’ll be there.” You closed your locker door. “I have to go right now.”

“Go where? What do you have to do?”

You paused to look back her way. “Kiss up to a teacher.”

Sana groaned. “I was just joking!”

You grinned, continuing in the direction of the main office. At this time in the morning, it was pretty quiet. The receptionist gave you a friendly smile that you tried to return. It wasn’t that you came there often. You stayed away from the principal’s office; there was no need for any more attention on you. You supposed your face had become familiar there from all the times you’d come to see Mrs Oh, the academy’s guidance counsellor.

While you were sitting in the waiting chairs— or rather, sofas since this was, after all, Sky Academy— two people came out from the principal’s office, one being the headmaster himself, and the other, a tall boy with broad shoulders in a crisp, new uniform. The headmaster said a few words to him, a smile then a pat on the shoulder before returning to his office.

The boy stood there for a minute, uncomfortable or uncertain as he vaguely looked around him. He exchanged a polite smile with the receptionist at some point. Finally, you sighed inwardly, deciding that you might as well save him. “Hey,” you called. “New kid, right?”

The boy seemed a little startled, not having noticed you sitting there, although your current platinum blonde hair was a little hard to miss. “Um, yes. I’m Kim Seokjin.”

You stood up from your seat. “Yeah, I didn’t ask. All right, follow me.”

He raised his eyebrows as you waited by the door for him. “Follow you?”

“That is what I said,” you spoke slowly so that he could understand. “I’m your exclusive welcoming tour guide to the academy.”

“I wasn’t aware I was getting a tour guide.”

You waved a hand. “Please save your comments and questions for the end of the tour.”

“All right,” he allowed. If he was annoyed, he didn’t show it. "Can I at least know who my guide is? I don’t know how I feel about following someone I don’t know anything about. For all I know, you could be leading me somewhere quiet and secluded to murder me.”

You bit your lip, looking at him with a nod. “You make a valid point. I’m Y/L/N Y/F/N. Just call me Y/F/N, if you must. Anyway, so you know the front office where we just were.”

“Yes, I spoke with the headmaster and the lady at the front desk.”

You were less interested in actually listening to his answers. Making conversation was just a formality, not something you actually wanted to do. It was funny how much of a social butterfly you used to be. Lately it made you wonder if socializing was something you did only to adapt to your environment, rather than an activity you actually enjoyed. “Okay, so this is the foyer where people like to just hang around mostly. If there’s any event or advertising to be done, that usually happens here too.”

“What about extracurriculars?” Seokjin asked as you stopped by the doors to the gym.

“Let me guess,” you said, turning around to face him. “You’re a basketball guy.”

His voice held dry amusement. “Was it the height?”

You shrugged. “Possibly. Yeah, there’s a bunch of sports. Basketball, football, swimming. There are also a lot of arts programs. We have a theatre too, but I only ever go there when I’m being forced to attend an assembly.”

“You’re not very interested in school, are you?” he deduced.

“If by that you mean, this school, then you’re absolutely right.” You paused. “I’m so over this place. But…” You stopped walking, blocking his way as you faced him. He came to a sudden stop, slightly startled. Folding your arms over your chest, you narrowed your eyes. “I’ll have you know I’m getting extra credit for an assignment right now for agreeing to give this tour. That’s right, your presumptions about me were incorrect.”

He looked down for a moment, ears going slightly pink. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to make… presumptions.”

You could’ve told him that it was okay and that an apology and his embarrassment wasn’t necessary. But you decided not to. “You’ll find that the people here live off of making assumptions about others. Which brings me to the next section of this guide. The kind of people you’re better off avoiding.”

With his long legs, it was easy for him to keep up with your pace while still paying attention. “You sound like you really know this place well.”

“I’ve been here for over three years now. But it wasn’t until last year when I realized what this place actually was.” You paused for dramatic effect. “Hell.”

Walking past the two of you were a bunch of younger girls, not very covertly casting glances at the boy beside you and giggling to themselves. You mentally groaned. If there was one thing you hated, it was the sound of delusional giggles. Sure, you’d admit that maybe Seokjin could fall into the tall, handsome category, but you’d sooner die than become a lovesick teenager. But thankfully, Seokjin didn’t notice. Hopefully, he was oblivious so that something like this wouldn’t get to his head.

Abruptly, you came to a stop. “So, you have the stereotypical popular kids. The football team and the cheerleaders.”

He followed your gaze to see the group of people wearing royal blue and sunny yellow colours, colours of the academy and also of popularity. “I thought pretty much all jocks fell into that stereotype.”

“No, some of the other sports teams are actually nice and bearable,” you informed him, gaze shifting again across from you. There was a pretty girl with long black hair and yellow and blue ribbons in her hair standing beside a handsome boy with brown hair and an all too familiar letterman jacket. You tried to ignore that tug in your chest. “But not football. If you want a smooth, drama-free year, you’ll do best without them in it.”

Seokjin spoke after a while and you wondered if it was because he’d noticed something you’d given away. “Noted.”

Just then, the teenagers began walking. Out of instinct, you turned your head in the other direction, relief filling you as they passed by without noticing you. Seokjin shot you a puzzled look which you dismissed by asking for his schedule. As the new kid, he was going to hear things that he’d have a lot of questions about, but you weren’t obligated to answer any of them. Especially not if they were related to you.

“Here we are, locker 334.” As he started turning the lock, you quickly glanced at his schedule. “You’re taking business?”

“My family does a lot of business,” he answered. “I thought it would be a good choice.”

You couldn’t help but notice the stiffness in his voice. Either he didn’t actually like business, or family was a touchy topic. But despite your curiosity, you wouldn’t pry.

“Interesting,” you murmured, attention returning to the paper in your hand. “Oh, I’m taking advanced calculus too.”

“Maybe we can sit together,” he suggested.

You raised a brow. “Why do you assume I’ll just sit next to you?”

“Oh, I didn’t—“

“I’m just kidding,” you cut him off, this time a little amused by how quickly his ears turned red. “Your first class is down this hall, to the right. If you get lost, you can ask someone.”

“As long as they’re not wearing a football jersey or a cheerleading outfit.”

You looked at him again, head tilting to the side slightly, maybe just a little pleased. “Good, you’re catching on. You just might survive, Seokjin. Anyway, I have class in five minutes and so do you.”

“Right.” He hesitated, fingers playing with the strap of his backpack. Maybe he wasn’t actually that great with people, or maybe he wasn’t used to getting help from others. “Thank you for doing this.”

Something inside you softened a little, but you shook it away instantly. Being softhearted, you’d learned, didn’t get you anywhere. “There’s no need to thank me. I’m just in it for the credits.”

He looked at you, a grin forming on his lips. “I don’t know if I completely believe that. You didn’t just show me around, you genuinely gave me advice.”

“It was part of the tour package,” you said, shrugging nonchalantly. “And I’d hate to see you get eaten alive on your first day. That usually doesn’t happen until after the first week.”

“Wow, thank god you do these guides then,” he said sarcastically before his expression turned more solemn, uncertain, maybe even a little hopeful. “Maybe I’ll see you around?”

You gave him a half smile and a shrug before turning to start down the hallway.

Lunch period was probably one of your least favourite times of the day. It shouldn’t have been since it was an hour break from classes. But it was a time where half of the students at Sky gathered in the cafeteria; the other half would have their lunch at a different time. Basically, it was a time where you had to be forced into the same room as your former friends, who you’d rather never see again. The only thing that could get you through it was having Sana by your side.

“Have you seen the new kid?” she was saying, maybe to you or maybe to the boy beside her also at your table. His name was Li-on, a mutual friend of yours and Sana’s from her friend group.

Li-on was busy stuffing meat from his tray into his mouth with his chopsticks but managed an incredulous expression. “Don’t tell me you’re listening to the rumours going around the academy.”

Sana scowled, whacking his shoulder. “I am not. I know how twisted rumours can get at this place.”

You noticed her look at you from the corner of your eye, but pretended not to. Instead your attention remained on your bowl of soup. “Why, what interesting things have you heard?”

“Well, a few things,” she admitted. “But that’s not important. Don’t you think it’s interesting how he just showed up, after the year has already started?”

“Why, is he not allowed to want to receive an education?” you asked dryly.

She shot you a look. “That’s not what I meant. You guys know how Sky is, how the headmaster is. They’re so stingy when it comes to accepting new students, especially after the year has already begun.”

Li-on finished chewing his food and gave her a thoughtful glance. “That is true...”

Sana nodded, appreciative of the acknowledgment. “What I’m saying is there must be something special about him.”

A short chuckle left you. “Yeah, he’s loaded.”

“Something more than that.”

You didn’t want to think too much about it, but realized that Sana had a point. The academy had criteria for accepting students, and were very strict about new students any time throughout the year. It just didn’t fit their reputation. How did Seokjin end up here?

Breaking your train of thought was a set of eyes you felt on you from across the room. You already had a hunch of who it was and tried your best to ignore it, but found yourself giving in. The boy signalled to the doors with a nod of his head.

You wanted to shake your head. But then you sighed and a minute later got up from your seat, only for a hand to stop you. By her expression, Sana had noticed that small exchange of glances. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Going to the bathroom,” you lied despite knowing there was no use.

Sana pulled your arm as you tried to leave. Li-on must’ve sensed the sudden tension as he looked between the two of you, but he didn’t say anything. “Are you really going to talk to him?”

“What am I supposed to do?” you said. “I can’t just keep avoiding him for the rest of my life.”

“Um, you can, actually. I do it all the time!”

“Sana.”

“Look,” the pink haired girl said seriously now, “the last time you two talked, it didn’t end well.“

“The difference is that I don’t have anything to lose this time where it concerns him.” Something about the truth in that startled you in a similar way it startled Sana.

She released her grip on you. “Fine. But if you’re not back in five minutes, I’m going after you.”

The concern in her voice had you sending her a small smile. Then you were making your way to the hallway outside, the rest of the cafeteria too loud and invested in their own world to notice the two people who walked out at around the same time.

“What do you want?” you said, not giving the chance for an uncomfortable silence or avoiding the subject.

Min-hyuk didn’t appear to be so taken aback by your bluntness. “How have you been, Y/N?” he asked almost quietly.

You wanted to laugh. “That’s what you wanted to talk about. How have I been? You’ve got to be fucking joking—“

“I know it sounds to hard to believe but—“

“Don’t say something stupid like you still care,” you said sharply.

He paused and you took a moment to study him. He looked nearly the same as you remember. Oak brown hair reaching his forehead, framing his angular facial features, something that had people stopping and giving him double takes— it had you doing the same once upon a time. But that was a different time.

“I’m sorry for the way things ended,” he spoke at last, and you wish he hadn’t. “If you won’t believe me for anything else, at least believe that.”

I want to, you thought with a desperation that had you hating yourself for feeling even for a second. You didn’t realize until now how much you would’ve liked to go back in time before things had become this way. But how could do so easily forget everything that had happened in between?

“I did believe you, Min-hyuk,” you said. “I trusted you. And you made me regret even that.”

“Wait—“ His hand shot out to stop you from walking past him. When you glanced down at it, he retracted it immediately. “I just... I don’t want things to be this way. We used to be so close—“

There was pang in your chest at the words. Of course, you remembered being that close. What hurt more was trying to forget it all. “If you’re looking for a shoulder to cry on, maybe you should ask your girlfriend.”

“What’s going on here?”

Perfect, you thought. Of course he has to show up.

Eun-ho was one of Min-hyuk’s closest friend, both part of the academy’s football team. You’d never liked him despite being in the same friend group. His arrogance and ability to make crude, insensitive remarks on things that didn’t concern him were unbearable; you wondered how Min-hyuk could tolerate it sometimes.

Eun-ho’s face broke out into a vexatious smile that you didn’t trust one bit. “Y/N…” If you hated anything more than his mere presence, it was the way he said your name. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

You gave him your own icy, sarcastic smile. “Not long enough, Eun-ho.”

He chuckled. “Wow, did you somehow get even more feisty?”

Min-hyuk made an annoyed sound, throwing off the arm he had around him. “Really, Eun-ho?”

“What? It’s true what they say then, isn’t it? It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for. I bet you were actually wild in bed.”

As he laughed at his own joke, Min-hyuk gave him a shove. While you felt anger and annoyance start to simmer under your skin, you weren’t surprised. Eun-ho was probably waiting to get to talk to you like this.

“You’re still as insecure as ever, aren’t you?” you spoke. “Talking shit about everyone because what else do you know? You know, the entire time I used to wonder how everyone managed to put up with your bullshit. I’m relieved I don’t have to anymore.”

His eyes narrowed, jaw clenching now that you were fighting back. Maybe before you put up with everything he used to say and do, internalizing the emotions you felt and the words you wanted to throw at him, but not anymore. You opened your mouth again, ready to keep going, ready to say everything you should’ve said a long time ago, when suddenly there was a hand on your shoulder.

“Come on, Y/N,” Sana said, throwing a brief glare at the two boys. But her focus was mainly on you. “This isn’t worth your time.”

You relaxed at her words, ready to leave when Eun-ho called your name again. “—that’s right, you were always too fucking scared to face the truth, blaming everyone but yourself. Why do you think Min-hyuk left you? Why your own mother doesn’t give a damn about you, why your brother’s not around. They all saw that you for what you were. A crazy little bitch—“

The next thing you knew, everything was red. Heat was crawling over your skin, so much that you felt like smoke would leave your ears at any second. Anger was rising inside you, anger you hadn’t felt in a long time, and you didn’t want to stop it anymore.

Beside you, Sana was saying something, tugging at your sleeve urgently but it was all faint, tuned out and staticky like shifting between radio signals. You pushed her aside as you moved forward.

Min-hyuk was glaring at his friend, but Eun-ho— he had the audacity to be grinning like a child who’d won a prize. It was like a rope snapping, and suddenly your fist swung at his jaw. The feeling of your knuckles connecting with bone was something you knew was going to leave your hand with a dull ache, but it was satisfying as hell.

“Miss Y/L/N.”

You turned around to see the headmaster standing before you, not looking impressed.

Well, shit.

chapter ii

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cowandcalf · 5 years ago

Text

10.12 – Review and Spoilers

and some I-got-carried-away thoughts on Steve's character – meta-ish and super long

I wasn't sure what to expect from this episode and I got rewarded with so many magnificent details, especially with a lot of wonderful glimpses into Steve's personality when he's competing with someone. And this said someone is not only a former team guy but this someone also drives a Ferrari and has an impressive reputation and is a hidden fan of a so-called Steve McGarrett. Magnum is such a big fan that even his own team he's working with nowadays has heard all about the legendary McGarrett moves and ops and stories. And that speaks of such a high respect Magnum has for Steve McGarrett that everything else just fades away. Magnum's respect and the honor he feels for being with Steve is real. There's this deep understanding that Steve's ready to accept at the end of the day. But only after Magnum has proved himself being worthy.

But I'm not there yet. Whoa, getting derailed so fast right from the start. So that's what I'm gonna write about most in this review: Steve and his attitude, the SEAL spirit and a bit about Magnum because he's the reason Steve acts the way he does. And I'll write about Danny, about the omnipresent, strong, gorgeous, leaving-visible-dents-in Steve's-emotional-armor presence of Danny energy. God, those references about Danny during the entire episode…I loved those! The way Steve's partner came up and was mentioned every now and then was just a blessing for my McDanno heart.

And Steve's response to Magnum's actions also speaks volumes about the relationship he has with Danny. I hope I can get it out the way I feel it. I hope, in the end, everything makes sense.

This episode is fun to watch, Steve and Magnum are all about Alpha moves, flexing muscles and showing off, trying to make an impression on the other man – in a very silent, kind of cautious, intelligent way, of course. Like the archaic animals, these men are deep inside, well-hidden. They must mark their territory. They need to check the other out before they even think about being appreciative of each other. At least, Steve acts this way. Magnum tries to wrap his mind around the fact that he's actually working a case with the human legend he's fanboying over for years, apparently.

I grew up with Tom Selleck as Magnum and his trademark, the mustache, the red Ferrari and his stupid tight blue jeans with the belt. Anyway, Magnum, in my inner world is a tree of a man, tall and super hairy and intimidating. Higgins is a whiny, rich, wobbly guy with two wonderful Doberman pinscher. And I just needed some time to get used to a smaller Magnum, with no hairy arms and legs and a female Higgins with an impressive, wonderful British accent. And even though the Magnum Pi guys did a great job, they didn't grow on me. I appreciate Magnum (the new one) for completely other reasons that have entirely to do with Steve and Danny.

Okay, we have the first encounter of the two teams. I have to emphasize another important observation and it's an ongoing feeling throughout the episode. The H50 team, the ohana bond and everything they talk about are so rich in colors, so vivid and alive and so full of honest feelings. That's how I get the vibes. Higgins and Magnum are nice…they are okay…but they didn't manage to leave an impression…and I'm sorry but I can't really make it work. Their banter seems stages, not really coming from inside and from a place of true fondness. It's…just not flowing. At least, not for me. No offense, but I can't make it work with Higgins and Magnum.

That said, seeing both teams meet just highlights the significant difference in the spirit everyone emanates. And all the H50 ohana breathes a huge amount of charisma and freaking great vibes. And I love that!

When the H50 team digests the information of Higgins who has been an ex-spy, Steve eyes her with a silent jolt in his behavior. He takes her in with that measured look and it just occurred to me that once again he's confronted with a special female species. Tough woman, working for an agency, has been a spy once and it reminds him instantly, alarmingly intense of two women who have played a significant role in his life: Steve's mother Doris and Catherine Rollins.

Steve mentions that he likes "this one", pointing to Higgins and he lets her talk but the moment that it's out she's an ex-spy Steve takes a step back inwardly and he gives her a quick all-over. That's a fascinating moment.

Magnum: "McGarrett, I know that name, you're a team guy, right? I was a team guy, too."

And Steve's answer to that, completely flabbergasted: "Is that right?" (Because what the hell?)

Steve deals with the second, silent emotional blow within a few seconds. He's not prepared to meet a former SEAL. And because Steve's bound to every SEAL with a code of honor it's literally visible how his mind works overtime to get things right in his head. This Hawaiian-shirt-wearing-bare-legged-sun-tanned guy is a former SEAL?? And Steve's anyway a bit pissed because he got an anonymous tip from a male voice leading him in the right direction. And now, he's been told that it's this guy. Steve's not fond of such moments. And he stays skeptical although his inner conviction doesn't allow him to be distant. SEALs are brothers, no matter what.

There's more!

Steve warms up to Magnum. He addresses him as, "and you Mr. Private investigator you come with me."

Steve's forceful Alpha move number one is to convince Magnum somehow to let him drive the Ferrari. Okay, here's what I think about that.

It's about ranks and pack order. it's about the high respect Magnum has for Steve and because he's a brother, one of the reasons why legends get written. It's because of guys like McGarrett that legends live on. Because McGarrett is a freaking hero! And Magnum has no problem with all of this. He doesn't need to inflate his ego by fighting Steve. In fact, he understands Steve, he feels his brother and he lets him drive, bowing to the force of nature that is Steve McGarrett. Magnum pays respect to this man and honors his service just by this move. I might exaggerate a bit but seriously, that's how I see it.

And just for the record, Steve…oh well, Steve needs a boost for his ego. He needs to show that he's the Alpha and that's he has a say in this. He needs to know he wrestled Magnum into submission and is kind of blockhead, too busy to enjoy the moment and that he made it behind the steering wheel. He's so smug and confident and almost combusts with all the joy and the arousal to have his hands on the steering wheel of this freaking, awesome Ferrari-stud! Jesus! I know he's hard while he stomps the gas! Come on, Steve, admit it!

And Magnum has the freaking nerve to mention Danny (your partner) and tells Steve right to his face that Danny doesn't do well with riding always in the passenger's seat. But Steve's glowing and the hidden smile shines through when he confirms in this classical, smug way that Danny's okay with him driving Danny's car. That's almost the cutest thing ever.

Steve, dude!

And then, Christ! The 'white knight' conversation happens. I try to summarize this. Steve reads. He reads books written by former SEALs, or about the experiences of former SEALs.

Steve: "Entertaining but unrealistic though. There's no way a character that cocky would ever, ever make it through BUD/s."

He's seriously impressed that Magnum knows the author of that said book. In fact, Robin the author is Magnum's boss. And it gets better. The 'wight knight' has left an impression on Steve. Steve admires this guy!! This cocky guy couldn't have made it through BUD/s, nu-huh, no freaking way!

Steve: "So, you're sayin' you're the white knight?"

Magnum: "Well, that's classified. But I will say that the lead character is based on a heroic, charismatic individual who will do anything to get the job done."

Guess, what? Robin has been embedded with Magnum's team for the research on this book. So, Magnum answers with Steve's favorite line - that's classified! Come on!!! That's totally Steve's mojo! And Steve's face! I can't even. He looks at Magnum and all of Steve screams what the fuck, man?

And it dawns on Steve that this cocky bastard he thinks would never, ever make it through BUD/s is in fact – Magnum! The realization…hilarious! Steve's brain shifts into gear and he can hardly believe what he's just discovered.

Steve, with a soft smile: "…I might be in the presence of greatness right now."

Then, that scene where Magnum picks the lock with his tools and Steve watches. Steve plays the correct cop who seems to follow the rules. He lets Magnum open the door though, causing a crime but the important detail is the fact that Steve points to the badge to emphasize he can't break the rules.

I remember a scene where Steve and Danny stand in front of a closed door and Danny thinks about how to get in while Steve just kicks down the door. Danny yells at him and calls him 'a Neanderthal animal' but follows him regardless of what Steve just did. Steve loves to get Danny's attention no matter how this happens. Ranting always means caring and Steve bathes in Danny's way of caring.

Magnum finds the documents hidden under the fridge. Steve makes it up to him with his compliment. "Nice found!" only to pull the next Alpha move of hastily reading the documents written in Chinese, completely ignoring Magnum.

And that scene where Magnum disarms Steve, dislodging the clip of his gun because the perp told him so. That's also a great moment, revealing what Danny has known for a long time. Steve has feelings for his gun. Magnum does as he's been told and pulls the gun from the holster. Steve's senses are on high alert and he sells out Magnum to the perp. Steve searches for a way out, but his real concerns are on his weapon. The way the sheer disbelief shows on his face when Magnum carelessly throws his gun into the bushes almost hurts and makes me laugh at the same time. Steve can't believe how disrespectful Magnum treats his gun! That's such a great moment.

Steve's excitement about driving a Ferrari is infectious. I'm sensing Alex' and Chi's personality seeping through their characters of Steve and Lou when they whisper conspiratorially about how it feels to drive a Ferrari. There's so much passion, breathlessness, and this male want and I love that short, intense moment so much.

The other, sweet glimpse of how Steve feels about Danny comes next. The team watches Magnum and Higgins bicker (I'm not fond of that bickering, too staged, too little heart and honesty in it, doesn't catch my attention) but anyway, the team exchanges funny looks, and Lou asks if they are reminded of anyone by watching the argument of the other two. Steve doesn't even bat an eye, and no one can draw a breath and his reply follows like a shot.

Steve: "Danny and I aren't like that."

Steve instantly catches on who his ohana talks about. He denies everything about what they are teasing about. Steve utters his comment on the topic with a finale tone, like anything about him and Danny bickering is non-negotiable. His arms are crossed over his chest and his stance is wide and solid, unmovable. No one touches Danny! Forbidden territory. Period. And I love that moment, it doesn't even last three seconds but it talks volumes how Steve feels about Danny.

Now, let's talk also about this epic scene in the car when Steve gets a ride by Magnum's team.

Steve: "I would've called my people, but Magnum insisted on calling you guys."

Magnum wanted his team to meet this legend, Steve McGarrett because he knows how much this would mean to his guys! That's so cute and sweet and lovely and really, really kind and deep. I have feelings about this, Magnum genuinely admires Steve, being a SEAL with every fiber of his body and soul. Heaven help!

And before Magnum's team can catch up Magnum has a little chit-chat on his own with Steve and about being a SEAL and about…so much for "no man left behind". Again, some arm-wrestling to prove who's stronger but there's no heat behind that argument more like old buddies catching up.

And then…ohmygod!! TC is my hero! TC says one of the most epic sentences ever in this episode! I'm still reeling from those words. They are super great, sweet Jesus!

TC: "I'm sorry, but I got to ask. There's this SEAL named McGarrett that we always used to hear about. Fought in Operation Avalanche and the Battle of Garmsir. He also led the team that rescued those hostages in Karachi."

THAT'S PURE ADMIRATION RIGHT THERE!! Not only does this mean that Magnum has been gushing about McGarrett all the time because he's so fond of this guy and full of admiration, no, it also shows us what kind of hero Steve is. But SEALs don't talk about their work. They just get the job done and move on. They work in the shadows.

But Steve answers that kind of question…like:

Steve: "Yeah, yeah, that was me."

I mean…*LE GASP*!! WHAT?? How can he just give such a flat-out super direct answer and admitting every-fucking-thing?? I was like…BACKPADDLE! I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH WHAT JUST HAPPENED!

I mean. Whoa! From all the moments Danny has been asking Steve questions about his work in the Navy and as a SEAL there was always the same answer is given by Steve: "I neither can confirm nor deny it." Or my favorite one: "This is classified." And those answers always drove Danny up the wall and into more ranting.

Do you remember the time where the H50 team was allowed to join the operation room from an active SEAL operation? They helped to solve a case where a drug lord (I guess) was involved and they could watch the last op where a SEAL team took out the targets and killed all the tangos. So, and there was Danny asking Steve inappropriate questions about "Operation Strawberry field"…he was making fun of Steve in an odd Danny way. Joe White was quite fed up with Danny's attitude and he glared at him to get him to shut up. Steve seemed really a bit ashamed of Danny's disrespectful behavior.

Anyway, when Danny saw the live feed on how the SEAL team breached the house and how they were killing with precision and a tough skill set every target on place he suddenly went all quiet. He whispered to Steve: "You did that too?" with a tight voice. But Steve only said that he could neither confirm nor deny this question.

The realization of Steve's assigned task as a SEAL hits Danny like being clocked with a brick. But anyway, Danny has never admired Steve's SEAL career in an open way because he knew already then, that Steve's ego is about as big as Texas anyway. But that moment had an impact on Danny and he started to get the big picture.

Okay, let's go back to Steve's answer: Yeah, yeah, that was me. Maybe he said that because he still feels a bit intimidated and surprised by sitting next to the 'white knight'.

The way Steve's answered TC kind of caught me off guard. He's admitting so openly that he was the one leading those operations and he kind of enjoys the admiration (he soaks it up like a dry sponge…to be honest). He really loves being the center of the attention and that's a new one. It's touching how much TC and Rick are really into Steve and his way of being a real hero.

And then TC goes for the kill: "Man, do you realize this is the same cat that took out Anton and Victor, Hess?"

Hello?? TC addresses Steve as 'the same cat'…God! This is highly seductive and hot…as in stealthy, lethal, super primal jungle cat…I mean, what the hell, TC?

The guys are not finished yet.

TC: "This dude is a legit legend."

And here comes Rick: "You know, and I'm glad you brought it up because I-I just want to say, sir, it's an honor." (and he turns to look at Steve.)

Steve: "Thanks, bud."

TC: "We are in the presence of greatness."

(I'm so dead! This is so emotional and I love TC and Rick and Magnum, too because they are pure bliss for Steve's soul and heart.)

And it's not finished yet! There's this last scene where Steve thanks Magnum for working with him on the case. Steve had fun.

Magnum sees Joe White's picture on the wall and they talk about Joe. Steve is moved and there's a short flare of pain but the bonding happens over the fact that Magnum also knew Joe as one of the best instructors ever. And not only is Steve a legend but also in Magnum's eyes, he's also been close to Joe White. Magnum is a decent guy. There's no jealousy coming off of Magnum, only camaraderie and the joy to have gotten to know another brother. And I really love that about him.

I really appreciate the fact that Magnum offers Steve in a nice way to sit down and to talk. Let's grab a beer some time, referring to them as 'us team guys got to stick together' and Steve says 'yes' and not only that.

Steve: "Maybe you can bring those boys along. They're good for the ego."

And Steve shows Magnum the long-overdue respect by calling him the White Knight and telling him his secret is safe with him. Seriously, what a pile of emotions.

And that's such a sweet, honest thing to say and it's Steve who admits it. I just love this scene. And all these moments are also soaked with Danny's energy. First, Magnum wants to meet Steve's partner. Danny's kind of legend too, I guess. Who could keep up with the legit legend Steve McGarrett? This must be one of a kind. And Danny knew Joe White. Danny has been there when Steve just quit the SEALs to start Five-O. He has been with Steve all the time. Danny has helped him to adjust, to find his footing after being in the Navy for years.

And Danny has never been openly impressed by Steve's crazy. He always calls him out on his recklessness. He gives Steve a hard time and rants at him and tries to talk some sense into him. Danny has an unmatched backbone like no other and Steve admires that with all he's got.

And, of course, Steve wants to drag Danny along when they'll have that beer because he doesn't want to miss out on any of Danny's reactions when TC and Rick are all over Steve and fanboying like there's no tomorrow. What a show!

Okay, let's sum it up – it was a great episode with tons of hidden treasure I tried to dig up a bit. The last scenes are great, too. I love that Tani gives Junior a call and asks him out on a date. June sweet eye-widening speaks a silent, strong language and then…THAT CLIFFHANGER!! Oh god!!

Guys, that's it. I have nothing more to add only to emphasize how much secrets I've gotten to discover due to Magnum's attitude to treat Steve the way he did. And through Magnum Steve reveals a lot about how he feels about Danny and much more.

10.12 – another great episode.

Fin

#steve mcgarrett #h50 #h50edit #danny williams #mcdanno #meta #review #10.12 #review on 10.12 #my edit #episode meta #steve meta #cowandcalf muses #it's so freaking long #i can't help it #it makes sense to me #i hope it makes sense to you

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hiddendreamer67 · 5 years ago

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Couple’s Quarrel

Summary: Logan and his werewolf boyfriend Roman are having their first fight, and Patton is there to help Logan through it.

October Prompt #27: Quarrel.

Check out more of my writing at @hiddendreamerwriting!

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Logan sighed, closing the front door with an uncharacteristically dismal attitude. He stepped into the living room, taking a moment to process the multiple pieces of fabric stacked haphazardly before the tv.

“Logan!” Patton’s happy face popped out from the front of the tent. “Welcome back, I missed you!” Indeed, it had been nearly a week now since Logan had returned to the human apartment. “Where have you been? Do you want to join me in my blanket fort?”

Logan cringed inwardly, having hoped to avoid human interaction on tonight of all nights, possibly because for once he was craving it. “Ah…”

“Don’t worry, there’s enough room.” Patton scooted over, patting the spot next to him. “And it’s real comfy, I promise.”

“Very well then.” Logan tried to appear begrudging as he sat down in the aforementioned location, careful not to cuddle too close to Patton for fear of appearing desperate for companionship.

Patton cuddled closer anyways. It seemed his best friend could read him like a book. “I was gonna watch Into the Woods, if that’s okay?”

Logan thought about it, how that particular musical portrayed werewolves as dastardly and cruel. It wasn’t accurate, but it might provide him with a grim sort of satisfaction.

“That’s satisfactory.” Logan agreed, content for a while to watch the film as Patton babbled along in his ear, trying to provide some sort of distraction. It was working, for a while, until inevitably they came upon the first wolf scene.

“...oh.” Patton petered off, his face falling as he paused the movie. “Sorry, I forgot about that part. Let me change it-”

“No need.” Logan assured him.

Patton paused, turning around to give Logan a confused glance. “But, what about Roman?”

Logan pretended to remain ignorant, staring straight ahead at the screen and the predator depicted there. “What about him?”

Patton winced, and Logan knew that despite trying to hide his emotions Patton had become sympathetic due to his strange behavior. After all, Logan was often very adamant about removing media that depicted lycans incorrectly, seeing as it was downright insulting to one of Roman’s kind. The wolf had moaned about it enough that Logan had caught on to the habit in a fond sort of manner.

“Are you two fighting?” Patton guessed.

Logan considered this question. “I do believe we are having our first quarrel, yes.”

Patton was quiet a moment. “...do you want to talk about it?”

“I am uncertain.” Logan shrugged noncommittally.

“That’s fair.” Patton scooted closer to him, taking the remote and turning off the screen. He grabbed one of Logan’s hands, gently rubbing his thumb against the back of Logan’s palm. “Then maybe instead of talking about your feelings, you could just tell me what happened? And we can work it out together.”

Logan took a tense breath, trying to sort out the facts from the irrelevant details. “I’m not exactly certain what occurred myself.” He admitted. “I’ve been visiting Roman for a while now, he invited me to stay longer than usual to get to know their customs. But at that point I didn’t want to spend any longer in that house because it can be quite stifling with the amount of pack members present at all hours, although I doubt you would understand.”

“Logan.” Patton said, only a bit stern. “Just because I’m more extroverted doesn’t mean I don’t understand the need to be alone every once in a while.”

“Indeed, my apologies.” Logan waited until Patton nodded in thanks to continue. “So I was walking along the edge of town, just to get a breath of fresh air. A being unknown to me approached, obviously hostile in nature.”

Patton gasped, giving a much more dramatic reaction to Logan’s stoic retelling.

“Relax, I am fine. I clearly survived.” Logan assured him with a small smile, giving Patton’s arm a pat. “Roman appeared, the two got into a scuffle, similar to... dogs asserting dominance, I suppose. Roman won and the beast disappeared into the forest.”

“So Roman saved your life.” Patton’s eyes widened, impressed. “Wow Logan, that’s so- romantic! It doesn’t sound like a fight between you two, it’s kinda heroic.”

Logan grimaced, remembering the quarrel that came directly afterwards. “Well, you see…”

----------------------------

Logan’s heart was still beating rapidly, failing to retract to its normal pace as the threat limped back towards the forest. Roman stood, puffing out his chest and breathing raggedly until the being was truly gone. Then he turned to Logan, a wild gaze in his eye.

“Are you hurt?” Roman asked, and Logan forced himself not to flinch as Roman grabbed his arms, looking over the human with an intent gaze. How had Roman known to come? Had he followed Logan here?

“I- no, Roman, I am uninjured.” Logan tried to tug away, but Roman’s superior strength held out. “It was nothing more than a close call.”

“That was really close this time. Too close.” Roman slouched forwards, giving Logan a stern look like one might give when scolding a child. “Please, promise me you’re going to listen to me and be more careful in the future.”

“I am not an adolescent, I can take care of myself.” Logan insisted.

“You clearly cannot.” Roman gestured towards the woods. “This is why you need to stay with us, I’m more certain now than ever, come on-”

“No!” Logan protested, digging in his heels to slow Roman as the werewolf attempted to tug him along. “Roman, stop!”

Roman did stop, looking at Logan with an unreadable expression. “What, so you just want to keep running away from your problems?” His eyes were still manic, darting back and forth as if waiting to pick another fight. Roman’s claws were extended, grazing against Logan’s wrist in their firm grip. For the first time in months, Logan felt afraid of him.

“Roman, you’re scaring me.” Logan admitted, and his words miraculously made Roman flinch back, releasing his grip. “Stop treating me as though I’m just some sort of bauble to keep as a prize.”

“You know I don’t see you that way.” Roman whined, not unlike a puppy that was terrible with listening.

“Do I?” Logan wasn’t so sure now. “Everyone else in your family seems content to treat me like a dog, ironic given your canine appearance.”

“That’s low, even for you.” Roman glowered, clearly fuming. “Do you hate them so much that you’re willing to get yourself killed over it?”

“I didn’t intend to throw my life away.” Logan rolled his eyes, considering that to be obvious. “If you had thought to warn me about the dangers of the surrounding area, I would have been prepared.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” Roman insisted. “You’re too weak, but I can protect you from all that.”

“Even yourself?” Logan huffed. Roman’s face fell into such a state of despair that Logan immediately regretted his words, but was too prideful to take them back. Instead, he turned on his heel, content to not face Roman any longer. “I’m going back to the apartment.”

“Logan, wait.” Roman reached out for Logan again.

“Don’t touch me!” Logan dodged out of his grasp, now full on running back towards the town. If Roman wanted, he could easily catch up with Logan at any moment.

He didn’t.

-----------------------------------

“And that’s when I arrived here.” Logan finished.

Patton let out a low whistle. “Ah. So… lots of tempers, then.”

“Indeed.” Logan glanced at Patton, hoping his emotional friend would be better at deciphering what had just occurred. “Might you offer some assistance in regards to what this meant?”

“Well… emotions were definitely high.” Patton tapped his chin in thought. “I mean you were both just through a scary experience, so I think you said some things you didn’t mean. But it sounds to me that you’re feeling frustrated because Roman’s pack is not welcoming of your relationship, or appears that way, and being surrounded by werewolves was overwhelming for you.”

“Yes, that is accurate.” Logan agreed.

“And Roman…” Patton hummed, his nose scrunching up in thought. “I think… he feels like a failure.”

“A failure?” Logan raised an eyebrow at this deduction. “But he was the victor of the scuffle.”

“No, not that sort of failure.” Patton shook his head. “Roman wants to protect you, but he doesn’t understand how to do that without stifling you because he’s used to being around wolves who can take care of themselves and he sees you as more fragile. Physically, at least. And he doesn’t know how to protect you from his family, emotionally, so he just puts more and more effort into protecting you physically because it’s all he knows.”

“That’s barbaric.” Although Logan’s tone sounded indecisive. “The mindset of a neanderthal.”

“It’s sorta sweet, Logan.” Patton corrected, putting his arm around Logan’s shoulders. “I mean, I think you were right to come here, you both need some space to cool off, but if you two learned to communicate better I’m certain you could figure out some smart-brain way to make it work.”

“But how?” Logan protested. “The next intelligent step in our relationship was sharing a living space to test compatibility, and that has clearly failed. It is only logical that our arrangement must desist.”

Patton hummed, laying his head on Logan’s shoulder. “Logan, you are one of the smartest people I know. But sometimes, you are also one of the dumbest.”

“I beg your pardon?” Logan looked aghast, staring down at Patton with a scoff.

“Are you really going to let a thing like Roman’s family stop you two from being together?” Patton looked up at him. “I mean, if you really care about each other- which Roman clearly cares about you- that’s all that should matter.”

“The world does not operate that way.” Logan argued.

“Well, it should.” Patton said firmly, giving him a smile. “It’s okay to take a step back in your relationship when you realize you needed more time. Maybe try living apart for a while.”

“I doubt Roman would allow that.” Logan frowned, exasperated. “He often bemoans having to leave my side, and I imagine stopping all visits to his home would only make him more insufferable.”

“Yeah, well boundaries are also a thing.” Patton giggled a bit nervously. “If you don’t want to see him that much, you’re allowed to have time to yourself.”

Logan’s cheeks turned a bit pink, Patton misreading his statement. “Well, ah… I would not explicitly say I’m opposed to that much contact myself…”

“Then he can come over here!” Patton suggested excitedly. “I’d love to meet him more, and you’d feel less overwhelmed. He could even stay for a while if you two feel comfortable trying to live together again, I don’t mind.”

“Truly?” Logan was surprised at Patton’s eagerness. “I suppose… but it’s only delaying the inevitable. Roman is a pack animal by nature, I doubt he would abandon his family for a single individual.”

“You never know.” Patton shrugged. “But even if that’s true, we could always invite just one or two of his packmates over here so you could get to know them, and so they can learn you’re not so bad yourself.”

“You’re quite optimistic.” Logan bemused.

“And you should be too.” Patton informed him. “Maybe I’m wrong, and nothing is ever gonna work out. But you’ll never know unless you two just talk things through.”

#october 2019 #quarrel #sanders sides #logince #platonic logicality #logan sanders #logan #human!logan #human!patton #patton sanders #patton #werewolf!roman #roman sanders #roman #werewolves #werewolf

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luckylittle-se7en · 5 years ago

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Deceit's Leave

Summary: After Deceit was scolded and told to leave The Mindscape, he does so, but not without a simple "Good Luck," on his way out the door. And no one, not even Logan, is prepared for the consequences.

Words: 1856

Warnings: Panic Attack, crying, cursing (o think??), Screaming Matches, Breakdowns, and, well, angst. Tell me if there's more!!

No one has really liked Deceit much, but he could wind them around his finger whenever he got the chance of them being alone. Everyone’s always told Deceit that he was a liar. And he is. Just not as much as they think.

@jessibbb bc they wanted people to tag them if anyone ever made a fic :b it made a friend cry so I think it's good???

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Whenever he’s actually capable of getting them alone, he gives them the Truth. Or, what his version of it is, anyway. For instance, with Roman, since he’s incredibly clingy, Deceit cuddles up right next to him and tells him that he’s the most handsome being he’s ever seen in his entire life. And that’s what Deceit thinks.

With Logan, who barely ever spends any time alone, but when he does, Deceit just so happens to appear. Specifically during one of his information overloads, where he feels his worst. Deceit sits across from him, hand on his shoulder, and tells him that he’s one of the most intelligent Sides, even if he does get overwhelmed or he uses a word wrong, and that’ll never change. And that’s what Deceit thinks.

With Virgil? Damn, that boy spends so much alone time. But Deceit only goes there whenever he feels needed, like when Virgil is panicking or having a breakdown or just anything of the sort. Deceit goes in there and if he’s having a panic attack, tries to help him calm down in the way that seems suitable in the moment, and if he’s having a breakdown, Deceit’ll hug him tight and tell him that even if he’s worried sick for Thomas, he’s got to look at things rationally. “Yes, speaking to that boy is terrifying but…” “I understand that parties can be overwhelming, but that’s okay. They usually are, no need to fret, my dearest.” And that’s what Deceit thinks.

And with Patton? Well, Patton is almost another story. When Patton goes to his room or someplace that no one is at the moment, it’s usually because he feels insecure. Overlooked. Overprotective. Too strict. And Deceit has to approach Patton like he’s a scared kitten, making sure that he doesn’t scare him off or trigger something else inside him. Like his tears. Deceit just gently goes up to him as he’s crying in the corner, softly telling him that “It’s okay if you’re a little strict, my little kitten. Thomas needs protection, but so do you.” “I’ve never seen anyone as brave as you, dear. You’re one of the toughest hearts out there!” And that’s what Deceit thinks.

But…

Whenever Deceit just so happens to be in a video, he lies. He lies, and lies, and lies, because it can’t be helped. He��s the deceitful character, isn’t he? He was just bound to be this way.

Wasn’t he?

Let’s skip to a time where Thomas isn’t recording, and all of the Sides are just chatting in the living room. Talking about the things they all love. Cats, adventures, My Chemical Romance and his pet spider, research and facts, and, well… Caring for people around him.

Deceit was pulled in this conversation by, none other than, Patton. The wonderful boy who needed someone to look out for him and his actions.

“So, Deceit?” Patton, as well as the others, turned to look at him sitting on the stairs, his back straight and hands placed in his laps. He had a natural smirk on his face. He couldn’t help it.

“Yes, Morality?” Deceit asked, turning his eyes toward Patton, his smirk growing wider. He thought about grinning, but he didn’t want to in front of the others.

“What do you like to do in your downtime?” Patton asked, tilting his head slightly as he turned towards Deceit. All of their attention was focused on him and his stomach knotted up slightly.

“Well,” Deceit thought. What did he do on his downtime? He almost blushed at his latest free time choice. Sitting in front of his fireplace with nothing but some music in the background. That wasn’t the only thing he did, was it? Of course, it wasn’t. It shouldn’t be. He tilted his head up, looking towards the right. He was thinking. There wasn’t much else besides getting his room tidied and making sure Thomas doesn’t do anything too bad. Always a sense of self-preservation. “Sitting by my fireplace and reading is definitely something that I do not do…”

“Oh, well that sounds fun!” Deceit caught Patton’s half-truth and didn’t take it lightly. Patton, mainly, should not be lying, in general. It was dangerous.

“I bet it does…” He replied.

“Well then, Hot Topic, Padre, Specs, and Snakey. Why don’t we talk about… our favorite Disney movies?!” Roman pipes up.

“Oh well, that’s easy!” Deceit says, waving his hand in front of him and looking straight into Roman’s wonder-filled eyes. “It’s Coco.” He squints, trying to get his point across.

Roman puffed up immediately.

“But Disney STOLE that story from a family!” He stood up, pointing accusingly. “THEY DIDN’T EVEN PAY THEM!” He screeches, almost hopping over the couch. In all honesty, Deceit has never watched the movie. He didn’t find it interesting. But he looked up the background.

“Of course they didn’t. What do you think, they’d do that? Disney’s terrible, Creativity. I’ve never enjoyed their movies.” Deceit sneers, scrunching up his nose and glaring right at Roman as he puffed up once more, about to go on a rant when he suddenly shuts his eyes and looks away, pointing to the door. Deceit’s eyes widened slightly whenever Roman looked up, malice clear in his gaze, but something else as well. Sympathy?

“Get. Out.” He growled.

Deceit stood, wiping his hands on his pants before standing straight up and turning towards the door. “Fine,” He said over his shoulder, hand waving. “Have it your way. See how long you last without me.”

And out the door, he went.

Nobody really felt the effect of it at first, except for Logan. He looked straight ahead, feeling dizzy for a moment. Something’s been… Altered, He thinks. It must’ve just been seeing him leave. He’s helped me so much.

And so began the Time of Truth.

Everyone’s head swam with things they’d probably brought up a few times but were incredibly surprised when Patton brought his fist to his mouth as he bit on it to choke back a sob. Roman’s gut knotted in an uncomfortable way as he suddenly filled with dread. Virgil didn’t really change except for the fact that he was about to have a breakdown bigger than any he’s had before. And Logan… Logan couldn’t believe how many times he’s said something wrong and had people correct him.

Patton almost couldn’t believe it when Roman let out a shaky breath and mumbled, “I… I just realized… How much I hate myself.” Roman looked up with tears in his eyes as he refused to let them fall.

“Roman?” Patton sniffled, bringing his fist away from his lips. Roman looked up at him. “Me… Me, too, bud.”

“That is…” Logan whispered, battling inwardly with himself as he chose his words. This wasn’t right. “That is, exceptionally… relatable.”

Virgil suddenly snapped and looked up at all of them, his voice weak and shaky. “Deceit helps me. Did you know that? He helps me when I’m having a panic attack. When I’ve broken down because of all of you’re guys’ hate and snide remarks because you all look down upon me like I’m some kind of piece of trash and-”

“I don’t think that, Virgil…” Patton says. “You’re absolutely gorgeous. I love your eyeshadow even if it can be excessive but-”

“You think my eyeshadow’s excessive?!” Virgil argued, standing and pointing at his chest, his eyes filled with malice. How dare he insult his eyeshadow. “You know what I think is excessive, Patton? Do you know what I think?! I think your HAPPINESS can be excessive! I can see how much you lie to yourself, and it kills me. Being happy for our own sake? That’s stupidity! Stubbornness! Do you know how much it pains me to see you hurt yourself? My room is right next to yours. I can hear you crying and it kills me. I just…” Virgil sniffled, removing his gaze from Patton’s shocked face. Virgil wiped his sleeve on his eyes, ruining his makeup but not caring less. “I’ve got to go…” And then he was gone.

Logan stood, shocked and blinking at Virgil’s outburst. Before he looked over at a fully now sobbing Patton who was mumbling “Oh, goodness, he’s right… I am pathetic… I should’ve noticed earlier…”

“You’re not pathetic, Patton! You’re just a little… Happy-go-lucky sometimes and, well, it isn’t good for you.” Roman said.

“Lying, I believe, can affect your health by headaches, physical pains, as well as mental. It may also cause sleep deprivation through anxiety and can render you almost trustless in the view of people. Lying is not taken as seriously as it should be.” Logan stated. Patton glared up at him.

“And? What are you going to do, Logan?” Patton asked fiercely. Logan flinched slightly.

“I’m going to try and stop you from ly-”

“How? Catch me every time I start a lie? You can try as much as you want, but I’ll just let out lie after lie because I’m trying to preserve myself! That’s what I’ve always been doing!”

“That’s repression, Patton! You can’t do that! It hurts Thomas!” Logan shouted.

“So you care about Thomas and not me? I’m his heart, I feel everything, even Virgil’s anxiety! Do you even know how hard that is? All of these emotions at once?” Patton went from sad to angry as he stood up to Logan, barely a foot away from him as they both shouted in each other’s faces.

“I do care about you, Patton, and I do feel emotions, just not as strong as you do. But I can’t say that because maybe I feel them just as strong but I’m better at dealing with them than you are because I don’t know your feelings,” Logan seethed, getting at eye level with Patton and placing his hands behind his back as he stared straight into his eyes. “I’ve never been sure of them.”

Patton stood back up and puffed his chest, eyes filling with tears as he breathed deeply and tightened his lips, releasing that breath shakily. “I’ve got to go.” And he went.

Logan instantly brought his gaze to rest on Roman, his glare increasing as he stood up; back straight, hands clasped behind him, feet together, chin held high. He felt like he was towering over the creative side.

“Go and get our snake back, Princey,” Logan ordered. “He’s the only one with the sense of self-preservation in the Mindscape. He’s a necessity.” Before he knew it, Roman was gone.

It was only a matter of forty-two (42) seconds before the door opened and Deceit entered the room.

“Couldn’t handle yourselves without me?” He said smugly, his gaze resting on Logan. His eyes seemed to dilate as his scales glimmered in the light from behind Thomas’ blinds in the living area. “Honestly, you’re the most pathetic group of people that I’ve met.”

#deceit #sander sides #Logan #virgil #patton #roman #panic attack tw #cursing tw #breakdown tw #angst tw

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