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for-the-exiled · 5 years ago

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Voices

Pairing: ChellDOS, implied Caveline Word Count: 2,295 Continuation of [Nightmares]

[Read on AO3 if you prefer]

“GLaDOS has heard voices her whole life. But for once, the voices she’s hearing are her own. And her conscience isn’t what frightens her the most.”

–

GLaDOS had gone silent for a while, trusting Chell could carry on without her butting in for a while. Since she had been shoved into a potato against her will, weird emotions had begun to surface. They all began to pile up, weighing on the disoriented AI. Every little thing built up to the reveal that part of GLaDOS had once been Cave Johnson’s assistant, Caroline. GLaDOS should have seen it coming. Every miserable emotion could have only come from something as stupid as a human.

But the worst emotion of all to surface, was her building affection for Chell.

In reality, this had all started long ago. Back before she had even been murdered. Chell had caught the AI’s mind early on. GLaDOS could never place what made Chell so special to her, so she assumed the interest was just her seeing Chell as an excellent test subject. But her time spent in a potato had weakened her defenses and made her more vulnerable than ever. This weakness had caused her to face her feelings and the fact that they were deeper than an appreciation for a good test subject.

Part of GLaDOS liked it. The almost intoxicating feeling of watching Chell test up close gave her a sort of guilty pleasure. But the other half of GLaDOS loathed it. This was the test subject who killed her, threw her precious facility into ruin twice now, and got her stuck in a potato. She should only feel pure hate for the woman. And yet, GLaDOS appreciated her still. Chell had been the perfect test subject. And despite her verbal jabs, she knew Chell was fit and saw her as quite attractive.

Those voices, arguing over how GLaDOS should feel towards her former test subject, were the absolute worst. The next worse, however, was her conscience. It voiced the overwhelming regret she felt over her actions to the woman. GLaDOS would never voice any apologies for them herself, at the very least not yet. But that did not stop her from still feeling terrible over the things she said and the actions she took. The voice gnawed at her, leaving her feeling sick with guilt.

‘This is all so stupid. Stupid potato. Stupid Caroline. Stupid moron.’ GLaDOS complained inwardly. ‘If it weren’t for all this I’d still be in my facili-’

Caw! Caw!

The sound of a bird zapped GLaDOS back to the present.

"Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!" GLaDOS didn’t even try to mask the fear in her voice. The AI saw the gentle, subtle look of sympathy Chell gave her and subconsciously prayed she could save the image with the limited power the potato provided. The woman quickly walked forward, waved her hand lightly, and scared the beast off. It let out a few more caws as it flew away.

"It flew off. Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking." GLaDOS spoke hastily. She wasn’t really going to spend much more time thinking, but she didn’t have much to say. And it wasn’t as if Chell would respond. GLaDOS understood Chell was voluntarily mute, the small murmurs she let out during her brief sleep were enough to prove that. Part of GLaDOS felt sad, longing to actually get a response from the human. To actually be able to hold a conversation with someone she almost saw as equal for the first time in a long time. But that was wishful thinking, and she already felt lucky to get a look other than neutrality or disgust from Chell.

Chell had made her way into the 80’s Aperture lobby, triggering another round of pre-recorded messages. GLaDOS felt a faint pang of sorrow as she heard how ill Cave Johnson had become. The part of her that had been Caroline knew what would happen, how reckless Cave was and how much more so he had become in his efforts to beat Black Mesa. How it would lead to his downfall. How it would lead to GLaDOS…

“The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.” Chell kept moving, seemingly not paying attention to the dying man’s words going through the speakers.

"And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill."

Chell hesitated a little, and GLaDOS assumed Cave’s admission of his grim state had thrown the woman off a tad. But Chell continued after only a heartbeat.

"Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor.” Chell had gotten into the elevator, and the pair began to be raised into the last sphere. “So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Cave’s words were broken up by another coughing fit. “Let's all stay positive and do some science." As the elevator’s doors opened, Chell seemed cautious of the conversion gel being pumped out in front of her.

"That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills." GLaDOS was confused as grief that wasn’t hers washed through her body like a tidal wave. Something had woken inside her…

‘She has more survival skills than Cave did, I’ll give you that.’ The AI was startled by the voice that did not belong to her.

‘Of course she does. She hasn’t gone through all of this just to get herself poisoned, risking dying before she can even get the freedom she’s messed everything up for.’ GLaDOS watched Chell work with the conversion gel, now avoiding prolonged contact the best she could.

‘I’m just trying to say you know how to pick ones that won't get themselves killed.’ If GLaDOS had been human, she would’ve choked. Instead, she found herself overwhelmed by conflicting emotions and buzzing from the strain on the limited power she had. Once GLaDOS had calmed down, she saw Chell giving her a confused look. The machine would have to explain later.

‘And what is that supposed to mean? Of course I don’t want a test subject that would get themself killed.’ Of course, GLaDOS understood what the voice had meant, but she still had yet how she truly felt. And GLaDOS didn’t want to acknowledge its quip. She felt relief after a few moments had passed without a reply from the voice.

Chell had just jumped into a portal which flung the duo onto the platform she had been making her way to as GLaDOS put her focus back on the woman. Chell was extremely skilled, and it caused a small hum to be emitted from the potato battery. The voices of longing began to seep in, and GLaDOS was glad that Chell did not hear the humming, or at the very least was ignoring it. Soon enough, a new external voice took GLaDOS’s attention and sucked her into its speech.

"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade.”

"Yeah."

“Make life take the lemons back!”

"Yeah!"

”Get mad!”

"Yeah!"

“‘I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'"

"Yeah, take the lemons..!"

"Demand to see life's manager!”

"Yeah!"

“Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons!”

"Oh, I like this guy." GLaDOS added hastily, noticing Chell had been watching her with a confused smirk.

“I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!" Cave’s speech was interrupted by yet another coughing fit.

"BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!” GLaDOS practically shrieked, getting too caught up in the fury of the lemon speech. "Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!" She felt a surge of emotion as Chell gave a silent chuckle at the machine’s, almost exceeding her 1.6 volt limit.

"The point is:” GLaDOS let herself remain silent, hearing that Cave was speaking more calmly. “If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now. Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago.” Chell hesitated her movement, seemingly sharing the discomfort of hearing the planning of GLaDOS.

“I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.” If GLaDOS had wanted to speak again, she wouldn’t have been able to. She could feel the voice from earlier stirring again. “Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her. Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care. Alright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk."

"Goodbye, sir." GLaDOS went silent, letting Chell get through to the next door in silence.

GLaDOS now understood what the voice was and why she had responded to Cave’s pre-recorded messages without her choosing to do so. It was Caroline, speaking through GLaDOS.

The machine felt some frustration. So she wasn’t fully Caroline, but just a vessel for the long-gone woman’s consciousness? This realization stung even more than how the Aperture scientists had once treated her. GLaDOS was her own being, and maybe part of her could be attributed to Caroline, but the AI was at the most a reborn form of the woman. She was not the same being as Caroline, and was now enraged by the knowledge she carried yet another voice that couldn’t be gotten rid of just as easily as a personality core. However, this was too much for the potato battery powering her to handle, and GLaDOS ended up short-circuiting.

When she came to, Chell had paused and was staring in confusion and GLaDOS. In turn, GLaDOS found the small hum return, earning an amused look from Chell. GLaDOS needed to bring her attention away from… that.

"I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!” Chell started making her way through to the next pumping area, flinging herself onto the large platform leading there as GLaDOS spoke. "And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan." Chell paused before continuing forward, letting out a small, nearly silent chuckle that caused GLaDOS to pause as well. The AI cursed internally, wishing she had been able to record it.

"Wow. I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding." Chell nodded, leaping through a portal to get the pair further along in their trek. "Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity." Chell’s face had returned to its determined, but otherwise almost neutral state in response to GLaDOS’s words. However, GLaDOS couldn’t help but notice the small smile that was almost not on the former test subject’s face at all.

The voices started to seep back to GLaDOS, bringing up an odd, sickening mix of guilt and love. GLaDOS felt herself cracking, longing to apologize but feeling too stubborn and above it to do so. But for once, her biggest reason not to was gone. For this moment, the machine had lost any hate she had once felt for the human. And the guilt for her actions certainly didn’t help. But what ate away at her the most was her near certain feelings for Chell, the longing for some form of positive relationship for the woman. But that would require trust and no remaining conflict between the two. She would have to apologize. GLaDOS finally broke when a certain someone spoke up.

‘Just tell her you’re sorry.’

“I’ve been thinking.” Chell slowed her walking as she heard GLaDOS speak up. “Despite how much of a monster you’ve been, and the terrible actions you took to make me do what I did, I’m… sorry.” Chell stopped walking completely to stare at the machine. The two were right in front of yet another one of Aperture’s emancipation grills.

“This stupid potato is making me feel… significantly weaker, so don’t expect an apology ever again. But… I haven’t been any better than you. I can see why you acted out the way you did.” Chell raised an eyebrow at GLaDOS’s apology, however she seemed more amused than skeptical. “I hope you can forgive me, although you’ve arguably done worse and I shouldn’t be asking for it. I would just like to continue forward without any animosity between us.” Chell just rolled her eyes as GLaDOS finished, and then proceeded to do the unimaginable.

She… kissed GLaDOS..?

Certainly the AI was just malfunctioning, perceiving the action wrong or being stuck in a fantasy. However, the contact was real. And luckily enough for GLaDOS, she could feel the woman’s gentle lips against her optic. There was a grating hiss before GLaDOS blacked out, short-circuiting once again from the overwhelming emotion the action caused.

When she came to, Chell was walking calmly to a spot where conversion gel was being pumped onto. The woman’s eyes shifted to GLaDOS as she regained consciousness. Had she been human, GLaDOS would’ve been out of breath. Instead, she had one thing to say to the being carrying her.

“You know you’re confusing, right?”

#chelldos #glados x chell #fanfic #portal chell #portal glados #glados #chell

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