#he does not consider his life worth the risk of trying to save him

[ravenw1ngs]

The moment you reflect on Tubbo’s behavior these past weeks, especially the days following the funeral, it becomes so easy to see why he argued with Phil that Forever may need to be killed this time.

Because if the roles were reversed, and it was Tubbo who was corrupted, he would rather die than live knowing he killed or hurt the kids—especially his own—even if he wasn’t the one in control.

If the roles were reversed, he would consider it kindness if they killed him.

[kittsch]

ranking cod boys' intimacy style from gentle to rough feat: 141 + los vaqueros + others reader: afab, implied different readers for each cw: explicit smut, kink, fluff, pretty tame imo but lmk if you'd like something tagged NSFW BELOW CUT * MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

1.) the gentlest, surprisingly, is ghost. make no mistake, he'll absolutely fuck the daylights out of you if you ask him to -- would enjoy it, too. but as simon riley... honestly, this man is touch-starved and nearing forty. he is tired, baby. coming home from deployment, first thing simon does is shower (knows you hate the smell of war on him), then take a fat nap with you. if you're in the middle of something, no you're not. he'll literally scoop you up and fireman-carry you to the couch or bed, whichever is closest. simon loves holding you, wants to be touching you all. the. time. his favorite way to nap is wrapped around you like a fitted sheet; skin on skin, nose in your hair as he breathes in the scent of your shampoo. loves it even more when, later, he gets to wake you with soft, open-mouthed kisses on your neck; the flat of his palm sliding down the gentle swell of your tummy, cuping you through your sleep shorts. simon likes you best like this. how you just... melt into him, still sleep-sodden and docile. it's one of the few things that feels right in his life. chemically, cosmically, karmically (somehow--simon doesn't think he'll ever feel like he earned this. you. that he'll ever really deserve to be yours). he takes his time; fucks you slow with his fingers, savoring your muted whimpers as he grinds into your clit with the heel of his hand. to simon, watching you come apart in the firm circle of his arms is kin to a fresco on a ceiling; a sliver of the divine, and he, a sinner, doomed to watch heaven from afar. but by some small miracle, you offer him salvation. when you cum, it's with his name on your lips, so round and lush with love, and fuck--if that isn't the thing to save him, then nothing will.

2.) second is rudy. sweet, sweet boy. he sees you barefoot in a sundress one time. one. that's all it takes to precipitously shift the trajectory of his life to one where he wifes you up and makes you a mother, in that order. you're the first person he's ever envisioned having children with -- the only one he thinks knows will be worth risking everything for. and once that mental picture settles in his mind, it’s all he can think of. it becomes his sole mission to get you under him and fill you with him til it takes. rudy is a missionary guy through and through--wants to see that pretty face, cariño so he can watch your cheeks and chest flush when you're about to cum. and the cute way your lashes flutter ("como alles de pollila, mi amor. fuck--") as he bottoms out in your sweet pussy, stretching you so good. and you're always so good for him -- wrapping your legs around his waist and tilting your hips to take him deeper, deeper. but god help you when he succeeds in knocking you up, you’re never getting a moment alone. consider rudy glued to your side for the foreseeable future. can’t seem to keep his goddamn hands to himself, either. doesn't matter that you’re uncomfortable and prickly and prone to random bouts of inconsolable crying at the worst moments. he takes it all in stride. his love is steady, solid. once, you blurt out something to the effect of i'm never going to be attractive again, my body is gonna be ruined by the end of this. and rudy (after a beat) laughs. pulls you forward til your face is buried in his chest, cradles you there when you try to squirm away. tells you he's literally so attracted to you right now he feels like he should be on some sort of list. he's watching you build a new human being inside your body. you're fucking powerful. he can't imagine anything sexier.

3.) next up is könig. from jump, he adores you; the way you smolder at the edges, the unwavering bite of your tone. kleine katze, such pretty claws you have... and he's perfectly content to settle for admiring you from afar; but where others shy from him instinctually, finding his size and perpetual quiet off-putting, you don't. seem to gravitate towards him because of it. you touch him with a gentleness that should feel foreign, but actually feels like home. this man is fucking gone for you. loves you in a way that irreparably and fundamentally changes him. may or may not have cum more than once to the thought of you: hips bucking desperately into the clench of his own fist. but he knows precisely nichts about romance, even less about flirting. has no idea you've been trying to get his attention for months. ultimately, you have to make the first move. and you do--crawling into his lap one night in a grimy off-grid safehouse after a mission went the wrong kind of sideways. when you draw up the mask he goes rigid, tense; but he almost lost you today. (thought for one endless, horrific moment that he had.) so he lets you pull back the mask--lets you see his face. and when you finally kiss him, it pulls a kind of sound out of him the likes of which he's never made before. a desperate, animal keen that claws at the walls of his chest. and könig's a gentle giant, but he is giant. you're both too hasty the first time; too desperate for closeness to prep properly, so it hurts when he bullies his cock inside you. he's significantly bigger than any of your previous partners -- twice as thick and several inches longer -- and by all rights shouldn't fucking fit inside you, but you're both tenacious enough to make it work. könig is certain salvation resides in the gummy clutch of your cunt when you take him to the hilt; shuddering as you cum around him from nothing but the way his cock stuffs you full and the pressure of his calloused thumb on your clit. it's so unbelievably hot, he cums on the spot; not needing friction or movement when he has you clenching down on him like that, scheiße. after, he takes care of you--holds you close to his chest til your breath evens out and you slip into the dreamless, black pool of sleeping.

4.) alejandro, my love. truly a man of passion. it's a long process seducing you, and he enjoys every minute of it. loves finding new ways to get you to blush almost as much as he enjoys fucking you til you're blubbering and cock-stupid. almost. he likes the idea of having a family with you, but is less pernicious about it than rudy. he knows how he feels about you; is confident it'll happen someday. that said, this man's breeding kink knows no bounds. the mating press was built for him; the perfect mix of intimacy and intensity, where he can look you in the eye as he ruts you so deep you can feel him in your fucking throat. also the most likely to suggest expanding your sexual horizons. frankly, alejandro is bisexual as fuck. loves the idea of you getting railed by another man (perhaps rudy, winkwonk) while he watches; loves the idea of you taking the both of them at once even more, but it's always about you. your comfort and pleasure is paramount, and he'll go to unfathomable lengths to make sure your needs are met. happy wife, happy life, he says, hauling you into a deep kiss when you point out that you're not technically married, yet.

5.) alex is the perfect equilibrium of rough and gentle. initially respects you as a colleague, maybe a friendly acquaintance. internally, he finds your competence and no bullshit attitude deeply attractive, but he's a consummate professional; would never put you into a position where you'd feel unsafe (outside of the obvious dangerous shit you already do). and then--he sees you shoot a gun. the way your body slides liquid-smooth into weaver, the easy roll back into isosceles in the recoil... it gets him so fucking hard so fucking quick. he has to physically remove himself from the range and rub one out in a bathroom stall, images of those firm hands pumping his weeping cock pulling him over the edge. images that don't fade, to his chagrin, even after the initial arousal is dealt with. every time he sees you, it just... pops back up, so to speak. he keeps it locked down as best he can, but fails pretty comprehensively at doing so. alex finally breaks after catching one too many recruits staring after you when you walk away (fuckin' animals--only he's allowed to do that). he seeks you out when you're both off the clock and ends up fucking you on top of one of the washing machines in the base's communal laundry room. the epitome of soft dom, comes pre-programmed with an obligatory daddy kink that you absolutely abuse to get your way. takes you out to nice restaurants seemingly for the express purpose of fucking you in the fancy-schmanzy bathroom. honest-to-god almost passes out when you choke on his cock for the first time; begs like his life is on the line for you to do it again, please, please--oh, fuck baby, yes. that experience reveals two truths to him: one, that he might be a switch, and two, that he might just have to marry you.

6.) now, keegan is a pretty tough nut to crack. it's hard to read him initially, even without the mask--but once you pick up on his tells, he's an open book. and that book wants you upended on the couch within seconds of you both entering the room. initially its just sex; a shared need to vent some frustration and stress. keegan is very private, mostly due to social discomfort and introverted tendencies. in the early days of your relationship, it manifests as him keeping you at a distance. for the first few months, he only ever kisses you when he's balls deep, and leaves after a five-minute come down. you rectify this through sheer persistence and charm. it's clear to you (far sooner than it is to him) that he's weakest to you when you give him big, sweet doe eyes and ask real pretty. this little trick works particularly well when you're riding him slow over the course of an hour, grinding down each time he bottoms out, til he's shuddering and begging you to please go faster--ah. f-fuckin' hell, kid, you're so tight, so good, fuck. when he cums, it's with a crackling whine of your name that pulls the knot of heat in your belly, sending you over after him. then, exhausted and fucked out, he falls asleep with you in his arms. he's still there the next morning when you wake, expression open and lax as he watches you wake. it's the first time you see keegan without reservations, when you realize he's got a gentleness to him--a kind of poet's sensitivity meant for libraries, museum archives, and the kinder side of nature. all overwritten by force to survive, to complete his mission. once you've seen the cracks in his mask, there's no going back for either of you. very quickly, your relationship shifts from distant and transactional to deeply personal; a tenderness blooming in the same garden as the newfound dedication to one another. keegan doesn't say I love you for a long time, but you know he does--you feel it in the way his dark eyes find you in a crowd, always seeking your familiar shape. you feel it in the way he presses your bodies flush from tip to tail while he's fucking you, when being inside of you isn't close enough. you feel it when he, for the very first time, asks you quietly if you'll stay the night with him, because he sleeps easier when you're there. so you stay--the night, and all those that follow.

7.) oh, gaz. such a mischievous little shit. your friend from your training days, you two scrap like puppies over anything and everything. banter is the cornerstone of your relationship, one-upping being a close second. you delight and infuriate one another in equal measure, bickering amongst yourselves til one of you takes a swing at the other. price has reprimanded you both multiple times for horsing around, but you're never in any real danger--you work too well together. there's a kind of shared consciousness between you; a base-level understanding, two wolves hunting in tandem. still, ghost refuses to let either of you sit together on the heli; not since that one time your game of grabass devolved into full-on grappling on the tarmac. ultimately, one of your little tiffs goes too far; ends with you both laid out on a training mat, groaning into each other's mouth as you grind your hips together through your clothes. you both pretend it didn't happen for maybe a week--then it happens again. and again. and again. being 'together' is never something you actually discuss with kyle. it just... happens. much to the chagrin of your lt and captain, the bickering actually increases when you two get together; becomes more like foreplay you can get away with doing in front of your superiors. and if this man isn't an absolute goddamn menace when it comes to exhibitionism. when he wants you, doesn't matter if you're in the middle of a meeting. fuck it--it's happening, and it's happening now. very playful in and out of the bedroom, likes teasing you in every sense of the word. he edges you so long sometimes you nearly kick him in the head when he finally lets you cum. there's my girl--oh shi--ah, haah, good fuckin' girl. he's largely aloof when it comes to his emotions--not the best at verbalizing how he's feeling or what he needs. so instead, he shows you. he shows up every. single. time. kyle's your friend before he's your lover; your partner in (war) crime(s). he's always got your six, you've always got his, and what is love if not someone who'd die (and live) for you?

8.) soap proudly describes himself as a pleasure dom, which is mostly true. but he's got serious switch potential. which you know for a fact because fuckin' hell, does that boy whimper somethin' pretty when you throat him juuuuust right. he's such a 'tits' man, it's crazy. loves to hold you close, feel your breasts smashed against his chest while he drives deep into the tight clutch of your cunt. but most of all, soap loves being on his knees for you. this man definitely moans while he eats you out, tonguing your pussy like it's a mouth. he feels big in every sense of the word--in sex, in love, in anger. and make no mistake, he loves you deeply. you two have some serious yelling matches, storm about slamming doors til the neighbors threaten to call the feds, but it's just your way. you're both headstrong and stupid; arguments are bound to happen, and any unresolved hurt feelings get a solid patch-job from the frankly earth shattering makeup sex that follows. like rudy, soap wants a big family with you, and he knew early. actually doesn't tell you just how early til years down the line. how after your first official date, he called his ma and asked if she'd send his nan's ring, please? because he's pretty sure he just met his future wife. said ring which glitters on your hand now, as you reach over and flick his forehead teasingly. tell him he can stop trying to romance you, you're already married. and could he grab more diapers on his way home from work?

9.) as are all things with graves, your sexual relationship is about power. he's an asshole in the worst way--condescending, smug, underhanded, sneaky in his sexism so you always look like some hysterical woman when you retaliate. the kicker? it turns you on as much as it pisses you off. he's happy to string you along, work you into a lather just to leave you high and dry. lord help you once he gets a taste of you--bending you over his desk and cramming you full of his cock with precisely zero prep. he kisses you, loves you, fucks you like he hates you. because he kind of does--he just wants you more. graves loves it when you cry, wipes your tears with his thumb before forcing it into your mouth. coos when you offer your neck up to him--yeah? want my hands on ya that bad, sugar? gonna be a good girl for me, hm? fuck yeah you are--and proceeds to make you cum so hard you black out. your 'relationship' (which it is; ring on your finger a year in, a little one on your hip not long after) is intense. toxic. would be just downright miserable if it wasn't so fucking hot. you cling to each other with gouging force; a livid-blue kind of love, painful and permanent. he carries a picture of you in his wallet: a small polaroid of you in your wedding dress, ashing a cigarette with one hand while the other flips the cameraman (him) the bird.

10.) and the roughest of them all: price wants more than to love or fuck you -- he wants to possess you. he's so tightly controlled everywhere else in his life (has to be for his work), doesn't seem the type to lose his head over a bird. but when he meets you, something shifts. you're soft. impossibly good. flippant and stubborn as a mule, sure -- you drive him up the fuckin' wall with your headstrong antics. (so goddamn petulant. so sure you're fuckin' right.) but war and death hasn't stained your world, left your indomitable spirit unsullied and intact. which, unfortunately, means you haven't gotten a thorough education on the importance of discipline. price wants to consume your disobedience; crack your rose-tinted glasses under his heel, roll the ambrosia of you in his cupped tongue. he'll do more than make you fall in line -- he'll make you want to do it. it's really just a matter of time before he acts on it. when he does, it's decisive. unsubtle. he crowds you up against the door of your flat on a sticky summer night, brandy on your breath. sinks a hand into your hair, holds you steady as he brings your mouths together with bruising intensity. he fucks you before he ever makes love to you; sinks his teeth into the velvet of your shoulder as he crushes you flat to the tabletop using just his bodyweight. snarls low when you keen wordlessly, overwhelmed and empty-headed at the deep burn-sting of his cock stretching your pretty little cunt, the lewd slap of his thighs against your ass. he batters you til you're not sure what's sweat and what's tears; til your skin bears a mural to his cacoethes, all blue and purple like a deep west sunrise. til there's not a person alive who won't be able to see you're his. always have been, always will, right dove? go on--tell him. tell him who this pussy belongs to.

written by kittsch, do not repost. not to be used for bots nor AI of any kind.

[miss-musings]

"You Weren't Loyal To Me": How Crosshair's Brothers Absolutely Failed Him in "The Bad Batch" Season 1

I know I'm not the first person to make these arguments, but after recently rewatching "The Bad Batch" Season 1, I feel compelled to play Devil's Advocate and assert that Crosshair's brothers absolutely failed him in Season 1.

Now, don't mistake me. I don't believe Crosshair was 100% in the right. Once he regained his free will -- whether he actually removed his inhibitor chip, or whether his injury on Bracca deactivated it or lessened its impacts -- he definitely should've left the Empire the first chance he had.

I imagine he was trying to make the best of a bad situation, but I don't see why he would stay with an organization hijacked his mind and ordered him to kill his family, civilians and other people who were trying to do the right thing.

But, I don't think his brothers -- I'm excluding Omega because she's a child and was following everyone else's lead -- are 100% in the right either.

I believe Crosshair's brothers basically abandoned him.

CROSSHAIR'S GREAT INSECURITY?

Now, I understand that they didn't initially plan to abandon Crosshair. But, once they knew he was being mind-controlled and especially once they knew how to undo its effects, they never even considered going back for him.

We never see them debate trying to save Crosshair. They don't discuss whether it's feasible, whether it's worth the risk, how they would even attempt it, etc.

I think this was a much-needed moment that we never get to see. In fact, as others have pointed out, we don't really get much discussion about Crosshair at all.

He's their brother. He's been by their side from infancy through their time as cadets through dozens of missions. Why aren't they more upset about him turning against them? Or being mind-controlled by the Empire?

They seem so blasé about it. Like it's more of an inconvenience than a tragedy, especially by 1.12 "Rescue on Ryloth." Like "Ope, Crosshair's here. I bet he's gonna try to kill us again."

As I'll discuss more later, Hunter gets captured on Daro, and Omega loses her frickin' mind. Even Echo, Wrecker and Tech seemed distressed too, even if the show didn't focus on their reactions as much.

But, Crosshair's mind and body get hijacked by the Empire, and nobody seems to give a shit.

No wonder why Crosshair felt so betrayed and said everything he does in 1.15 and 1.16. It probably confirmed something he always felt, or always feared:

That he was the odd man out in his squad -- the last to be included and the first to be excluded.

That they never cared about him as much as he cared about them.

Based on experiences in my own life, with friends and coworkers, I do wonder if Crosshair was always insecure about his standing within the group. This makes sense given that he's likely the youngest of the four original brothers, and that as a sniper, he isn't always in the middle of the action like they are. His personality doesn't really help either, but his brothers seem to be able to navigate it just fine in their "The Clone Wars" Season 7 arc.

Maybe this is partly why he seemed OK with Echo joining the squad at the end of TCW arc: because he felt like Echo would become the new 'odd man' considering that he didn't grow up with the Bad Batch and wouldn't know Crosshair's brothers like he does.

It's been a while since I watched TCW Season 7, so maybe I'm wrong.

But, I definitely think this is partly why he resents Omega so much in Season 1:

The Bad Batch -- mainly Hunter -- decided to risk their lives and their freedom to go back to Kamino for Omega. She might've been their "little sister," but they'd known her all of one day and Hunter still decided it was worth going back for her.

Yet they never went back for him.

Hell, as far as we the audience know, they never even considered it.

I'm not saying it would have been easy or risk-free. They also now have Omega in their care, and trying to extract Crosshair from Imperial custody while all parties involved would be trying to kill or capture them isn't an easy undertaking.

But, as I'll talk about more later, these guys do rescue and extraction missions all the time. They put their lives on the line for complete strangers several times in Season 1 to save them from Imperial custody, slavery, etc.

And I'm not saying they were wrong to do those things. It was objectively good that the Bad Batch saved the people they did.

But, I can absolutely understand why Crosshair would be infuriated that his brothers take on all these missions to help complete strangers but never bother to help him...

ANALYZING THE BATCH'S DECISIONS BASED ON THE SEASON 1 TIMELINE

I understand that, before he confronts them in the hangar in 1.01 "Aftermath," that they were planning to go back for him. And that they were forced to leave him behind because he was literally gunning for them. And -- as far as his brothers knew -- he was doing it of his own free will.

However, in 1.02 "Cut and Run," Omega tells them about the inhibitor chips, implying that that's how Crosshair is being controlled.

Then in 1.03 "The Replacements," we see that Tech is building a device to locate their inhibitor chips, and Omega tries to tell the Batch and specifically emphasizes to Hunter that Crosshair has no control over his actions. Hunter admits that he's angry at himself for leaving Crosshair behind, and Omega reassures him that they'll get him back someday.

So, it seems like -- at least in Omega's eyes -- the Batch was planning to save Crosshair at some point. And, Hunter at minimum feels guilty for leaving Crosshair on Kamino, even though they didn't really have much of a choice at the time.

However, the Batch gets sidetracked in 1.04 and 1.05. First, they need supplies; then bounty hunters are after Omega; then they need intel on who's after her and why.

Then, by the events of 1.07 "Battle Scars," we see that they've fallen into a routine of doing jobs for Cid. It's safe to assume they've done -- or at least attempted -- a dozen jobs for her at this point, based on Wrecker and Omega's 20 orders of Mantell Mix.

And then Rex shows up and tells them point-blank that the clones can't fight the inhibitor chip's effects, re-emphasizing Omega's earlier point that Crosshair had no control over his actions.

The Batch then experiences this firsthand with Wrecker, whose chip activates before they can extract it. We see that, even with Wrecker fighting the chip's effects with all his might, he endangers his brothers and was *this* close to killing Omega, before Rex stunned him.

Now, we have confirmation based on both Rex and Wrecker's experiences that removing an active chip restores a clone's free will.

Thus, by the end of 1.07 "Battle Scars," the Batch definitively knows:

Crosshair is being controlled by an inhibitor chip and is being forced to do the Empire's bidding;

How to remove an inhibitor chip; and

That removing a clone's active inhibitor chip will restore his free will

And yet, despite all this knowledge, the only effort they make to save Crosshair is to tell him about the inhibitor chip.

They don't attempt or even discuss possibly stunning him on the artillery deck and taking him with them.

But, admittedly, this isn't the best time to attempt a rescue, as they're outnumbered and essentially trapped aboard the Jedi Cruiser. And then Omega gets captured by Cad Bane and Hunter gets shot, and the others are desperately trying to get off Bracca before Crosshair & co. shoot them down. Fine. Getting off Bracca safely and then trying to find Omega should be their priority.

But, once they recover Omega on Bora Vio, and their lives aren't in immediate danger anymore... this would've been the perfect time to at least debate going back for Crosshair.

Again, they have all the information needed at this point.

As for how they find him, well, I'm sure they could get the information somehow. Or they could just cause a stir somewhere so he'd show up to arrest them again, like he did on Bracca.

But, no, they just continue doing jobs for Cid in 1.10-1.13. They don't bring him up at all until they see him on Ryloth in 1.12 "Rescue on Ryloth," and again, the tone is like, "Well, Crosshair is here. That's annoying."

If not being able to locate him was the only reason they didn't try to save him after 1.08/1.09, that argument doesn't apply to 1.12 "Rescue on Ryloth." He's there. They know he's there. They're already there doing an extraction job anyway... why don't they just grab him too???

Yes, there would be additional risks, but YOUR BROTHER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY THE EMPIRE AND FORCED TO DO ITS BIDDING, AND YOU DON'T SEEM TO GIVE A SHIT!!!

Which brings us nicely to:

THE DOUBLE STANDARD

Throughout Season 1, but especially in the latter half, we see The Batch putting themselves in harm's way for complete strangers, or at most, friends-of-friends.

They rescue Muchi the Rancor and other people from enslavers; they extract the former Separatist Senator from Raxus; they extract the Syndullas from Ryloth; they break Gregor out of the Imperial base on Daro.

In the latter three cases, the Batch went to Imperial-occupied planets and an Imperial base, despite all the risks involved. And, especially when they saved Gregor, they had very little information going in and basically just winged the entire thing.

It just feels like, when you look at all these cases, any argument the Batch could make for not saving Crosshair just falls apart.

"We didn't know where he was." He was on Ryloth -- grab him then.

"We didn't have enough information." You didn't on Daro, and you still snuck into a heavily fortified Imperial base to rescue Gregor.

"Everyone there would've been trying to kill us." You literally extract/rescue people from Imperial forces for a living...

"It would've endangered Omega." Well, buddy, have I got a story for you...

You see, when Hunter falls on Daro and gets captured, the Batch still comes to his rescue despite knowing it's a trap AND THEY BRING OMEGA WITH THEM!!!

Every excuse they could've made for not saving Crosshair sooner is gone. The Batch will literally run into a trap for Hunter, and they constantly throw themselves into danger to save Omega, but they never do the same for Crosshair.

It really feels like such a double standard.

They seem to care about everyone BUT him.

Plus, sadly, there's one more parallel I can draw. One more instance where the Bad Batch put themselves in harm's way to save a fellow clone who was being mind-controlled by their enemies in an attempt to kill them...

Echo.

Yes, remember all the way back in TCW Season 7, when we find out that Echo is the one behind the algorithm that's giving the Separatists an advantage in all these battles?

Even though Rex thought Echo was dead, the minute he suspects Echo's still alive, he goes after him. He even punches Crosshair over it, after Crosshair bullies Rex for leaving Echo for dead at the Citadel.

One of the "regs" went back for his brother despite knowing he was being mind-controlled by the enemy and forced to attack them.

Rex, Anakin and the Bad Batch save Echo from a terrible fate. They extract him from the Separatists, restore his free will and essentially give him his life back.

Yet, when the exact same thing happens to one of their own, the Batch don't even consider going back for Crosshair the way Rex went back for Echo -- hell, the way they went in for Echo too, even though they didn't know him!!

SOME CONSIDERATIONS

I will give the Batch this: once Crosshair confronts them on Kamino and Hunter stuns him, Hunter decides not to leave Crosshair behind this time. And that was even after Crosshair refused to say when he had his chip removed. So, for all they know, he might've been acting of his own free will when he tried to kill them on Bracca.

While taking Crosshair with them at the end of 1.15 was a step in the right direction, I don't think it was enough to make up for everything they failed to do.

And, while he doesn't specify exactly what, Hunter later admits to Crosshair in 3.05 "The Return" that he has regrets too. And considering the context and the timeframe they're talking about, it's possible Hunter regrets not going back for Crosshair sooner/at all, among other mistakes he's made. (Story for another time.)

I'll also give some consideration to Wrecker, who was the only one of the brothers who said he actively missed Crosshair in 1.03 "The Replacements." Tech mentions Crosshair very flippantly a few times, and Echo doesn't really mention him at all.

(EDIT: Looking back now, Echo *not* talking about Crosshair is such a weird choice. Shouldn’t he of all people know what it’s like to be mind-controlled? To be weaponized by your enemy and forced to kill your loved ones?)

(ANOTHER EDIT: I was rewatching 1.14 “War-Mantle” today and this line stood out to me:

Echo: If there’s a chance that trooper is being held against his will, we have to try to get him out.

I realize that being imprisoned is different than being mind-controlled and actively hunting down you down, but it’s still weird that Echo of all people doesn’t seem to give a flying eff about Crosshair’s situation while practically begging Hunter to rescue a clone they’ve never met.🧐)

Obviously, we'll never know for certain, but I do wonder how Crosshair would've reacted if his brothers had rescued him and removed his chip at some point. Would he have stayed with them? Would he have wanted to rejoin the Empire voluntarily?

Considering he (supposedly) had his chip removed and still stayed with the Empire willingly in-universe, it's possible he might've wanted to do the same thing in an AU where his brothers rescued him.

He definitely despised that they were fugitives and "scavenging like rats," while he had authority, respect and purpose as a soldier of the Empire.

But, I think a large component -- although not the only one -- of why he stays with the Empire is that he felt like his brothers abandoned him. He brings this up several times in 1.15 and 1.16, and the way he does indicates this is a major sore spot for him.

We see in 1.01 "Aftermath" that the chip enhancement procedure is painful. He scrunches his face, flexes his hand and squirms around in the chamber. Plus, the machine itself looks similar to the Mind Flayer from other "Star Wars" properties.

Crosshair was literally being tortured by the Empire. Maybe he doesn't recall that once the procedure's done, but we see him getting his chip enhanced in both 1.01 and 1.03, and it's possible it was enhanced even more times off-screen.

I cannot stress this enough: the Empire basically took Crosshair prisoner, tortured him and hijacked his free will.

And his brothers essentially did nothing to save him.

It would be one thing if his brothers were civilians like you and me, and didn't know the first thing about how to infiltrate an Imperial compound or how to navigate a firefight despite being outnumbered.

But, that doesn't apply to The Bad Batch. That's literally their bread-and-butter.

And Crosshair -- especially once he seems to regain his free will between the Bracca and Ryloth arcs -- watched his brothers risk their lives to save complete strangers while doing nothing for him.

I would've been livid too.

Not to sound like Tech, but while I don't agree with Crosshair's decision, I can understand why he decided to stay on Kamino rather than go with them at the end of 1.16. His brothers offered him no real comfort and no real apology, and I think he desperately wanted to hear that, especially from Hunter.

I know after everything that's happened -- especially Crosshair refusing to say when he had his chip removed -- that it would've been hard to admit their mistakes. But, Crosshair wanted to hear something beyond: "You can come with us if you want. And if you don't, we don't have to be enemies."

The closest thing to comfort any of them offer is Omega affirming that, despite everything, she still cared about him. This seems to be the only thing that really effects him, that causes him to doubt his decision, that causes him to show any kind of emotion beyond anger.

I legitimately believe that if someone had talked to Crosshair one-on-one for like five minutes, and really showed how much they still cared about him and always did, that he would've rejoined them.

Granted, it's really hard to tell.

Crosshair has, as Tech said, always been severe and unyielding. Plus, he really suffers from this "in for a penny, in for a pound" kind of mindset, which is partly why he stays with the Empire for so long even after regaining his free will.

But the fact that all his brothers leave him on Kamino again so effortlessly, so easily is just tragic. No final goodbye. No hug. No nothing.

For all any of them know, this could be the last time they ever see each other. (And, for Tech and Crosshair, it was.)

I know it wouldn't have been easy after everything that's happened, but for crying out loud, I just wanted them to try.

And I imagine Crosshair did too.

IN CONCLUSION

Honestly, I think the TBB writers and producers purposely never gave us a scene of The Batch debating whether to go after Crosshair, or a scene of them outlining to us the audience why it wasn't possible even though they wanted to.

I think the creative team wanted us to sympathize with Crosshair when he says "You weren't loyal to me," while also arguably giving our protagonists a weakness to overcome later.

This really seems like the case if we look at Season 2.

Once the Batch finds out Crosshair's being detained by the Empire's Advanced Science Division in 2.14 "Tipping Point," they immediately start discussing whether and why they should try to save him, even after everything that happened between them in S1.

On top of that, this time they actually decide to do whatever it takes to get him back, despite limited intel and the imminent danger behind such an undertaking.

I think the Batch genuinely learned from their mistakes in Season 1 and, as Hunter maybe alludes to in 3.05 "The Return," regretted not going back for Crosshair sooner/at all after the Empire started controlling him.

I'll admit: I think when I first watched Season 1, I was basically in the Batch's corner. Crosshair was gunning for them at every opportunity, and Omega's well-being quickly became their priority (understandably so).

But, after rewatching Season 1 -- especially now that the show is over and we see how everyone's arcs play out -- it really hits me just how much Crosshair's brothers failed him in Season 1.

Again, I'm not saying Crosshair didn't make mistakes too. He definitely did.

But Crosshair's brothers failed him first.

AN ADDENDUM

(EDIT/UPDATE:) Since writing the above, I've stumbled across a few other posts of people making the counterargument, saying they believe Hunter was in the right and don't appreciate the hate he gets for not going back for Crosshair.

People are more than welcome to make that argument. I think that kind of debate just shows how nuanced this show and its characters are, because you can make valid arguments for both sides.

And to clarify, I don't hate Hunter (and the others) for not going back for Crosshair in S1. As Hunter says later in 3.05: "Nobody really understood what was happening back then." It was a chaotic time -- for the galaxy and their family.

In the span of one episode, the Jedi are exterminated; the war ends; the Republic is reorganized into the Empire; the clones' future role in the galaxy is questioned; and when CF99 refuse to kill civilians, they're declared traitors and arrested.

And to top it all off, Crosshair is acting strange AND they find out they have a little sister who's in danger.

So, when Crosshair seemingly betrays them, and they barely escape with their lives, it's understandable that the Batch's first move is just to get their bearings and figure out their next steps.

And, of course, all the dominoes fall from there.

So, while I definitely don't hate him and I understand why they don't go back for Crosshair initially, I am disappointed in Hunter.

If the writers wanted me to be on his side and understand that it was basically impossible to go back for Crosshair, then I needed a scene showing/telling me why they can't. Or I at least needed a scene proving that they care about him, because based on what we actually got in Season 1, I tend to fall on Crosshair's side when he argues his brothers didn't care about him the way they clearly care about Hunter when he's captured.

You can certainly make arguments that, because Crosshair's their brother and he knows all their strategies, strengths, weaknesses, etc., that he's even more dangerous than all the other Imperials they might face. Yes, definitely. I argue that's all the more reason to try to save him.

Yes, there would be risks. But, if you succeed, not only do you lose a very dangerous enemy -- one who knows you inside and out -- but you would (hopefully) regain a teammate.

Imagine you're in Hunter's shoes and your sibling -- or if you don't have one, a really good friend who feels like a sibling -- gets taken captive and mind-controlled by an evil organization. Wouldn't you try your damnedest to get them out? Or at the very least, wouldn't you be sad about their situation?

Rewatching 1.03 "The Replacements," there's an interesting scene that's probably the closest we get to a real discussion about Crosshair -- how they feel about him, whether they miss him, whether he really betrayed them or was being influenced by the chip.

@laughhardrunfastbekindsblog did a great analysis of each character's reaction, which I recommend you read at some point.

I want to take a quick look at it too, starting with the brothers looking at Omega with Crosshair's weapon kit like she just knocked over Grandma's urn or something.

It feels like, for the first time, they're starting to let themselves process what really happened. This is their first real chance to mourn losing their brother.

Tech wonders whether Crosshair's actions were influenced by his inhibitor chip, and Omega basically confirms that theory. Wrecker is excited by the possibility that Crosshair didn't willingly betray them, but Hunter very quickly shuts the conversation down, saying they have other problems to tackle first.

While he's not technically wrong, Hunter pulls out the "raincheck card” too frequently in Season 1. And subsequently, a lot of the topics that come up in conversations keep simmering in the background while the Batch does other things until they're FORCED to confront them.

This scene is the perfect example of that. The Batch didn't mention Crosshair except in passing in 1.02, and it's only when Omega finds his weapon kit that they are FORCED to talk about him. (EDIT: Check out the 3:45 mark of this video on 2.09 “The Crossing” for more examples.)

I get the sense that Hunter's reaction in this scene, plus all the distractions that come up later, is why the others never really bring up Crosshair again, except in passing. It's a sore subject for Hunter, and they all tend to take their cues from him, especially this early in the show. Plus, they're probably still processing their own feelings, so they might not be ready to bring up the topic.

One last thing from 1.03 I want to note is that, later in the episode, Hunter is telling Omega about his and his brothers' enhanced abilities, and he automatically excludes Crosshair from the list.

It really feels like Hunter -- and the rest of the squad by extension -- labeled Crosshair as a lost cause very early on. That it was a given that he was their enemy now and there was no real chance of getting him back (unless he came to his senses on his own like Howzer and other clones later do).

This might be why they're so shocked when he reveals he removed his chip, because they were hoping that once he "woke up" that he would come back to them. Wrecker even says as much to Crosshair in 1.16: "We still would've taken ya."

Ultimately, I think the characters had differing perspectives on who had the responsibility in the situation.

It seems Hunter and the others took a very passive approach. They told Crosshair about the chip when they had the chance, hoped he would "wake up" on his own, and would've accepted him back if he had.

But, Crosshair feels they should've taken a more active approach. He's hurt that they never came back for him, whether to save him or to join him.

(EDIT #2: I realize that by 1.15, at least, Crosshair seems to be arguing that they should’ve come back to join him in the Empire. He might be making that argument, but I’m saying his brothers had a responsibility to try to save him, and in that regard, I believe they failed.)

This is essentially the exchange Hunter and Crosshair have in 1.15:

Crosshair: They don't leave their own behind, most of the time. Hunter: You tried to kill us. We didn't have a choice. Crosshair: Hmm. And I did?

And, as I said before, based on everything we saw in Season 1, I tend to side with Crosshair.

Hunter made mistakes -- never talking about Crosshair and shutting down the others when they did was a big one. He never addressed the elephant in the room until he HAD to, and by then it was basically too late. And, of course, it seems the others took their cues from him.

As the leader, it was his job to -- at some point when they weren't in immediate danger -- introduce the topic and ask the others for their thoughts about Crosshair, especially once they knew how powerful the chip's influence was and once they knew how to remove it.

But, he didn't.

If the writers wanted me to side with Hunter when he says "We didn't have a choice" -- especially given the double standard I discussed earlier -- I don't think they gave me good enough reason to.

However, I think that's ultimately why the writers did what they did.

Both Hunter and Crosshair made enough mistakes in Season 1 that you can argue all day about which one of them failed the other more, which makes the show and characters all the stronger for it. Because neither one is 100% in the right or 100% in the wrong.

I just wanted to play Devil's Advocate, and try to explain why Crosshair felt like he did, and why I believe he was (at least partly) justified.

So, feel free to continue debating it, but I at least believe that Crosshair's brothers failed him first.

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

life's not fair, but it could be (not old enough ch. 7)

pairing: leon kennedy x reader

cw: masturbation, idk? surprises?

summary: a mysterious stranger arrives with advice, you receive some life-changing news, and then your love returns, but will he accept you back, after all that's happened?

word count: 6.2k

ao3 link

At this point phone sex would be a gift from god. You were doing things the old fashioned way, which took longer. You were lazy and broke, so you decided not to take a trip to the mall and buy a vibrator. You could’ve bought one online, but it’d take forever to come - ha! Just like you. It wasn't really that funny anymore, though. It was actually quite frustrating. You were beginning to reconsider an errand to Spencers, or an equivalent, but the awkwardness one feels in the sex toy section of those stores is unparalleled. You really have no allies in the sex toy section, do you? It’s full of gross grown men who stare at your ass and giggly teenagers.

Leon didn’t have anything fun in his house. You looked. You were hoping you could find a dildo buried in a dresser or a playboy under the bed. Not that you really felt like getting off to a playboy magazine, but some reading material would help you pass the time until your boyfriend came back from his heroic quest across the world. 

There was a cucumber in the fridge, but that would require a new level of desperation and courage that was surely not worth it, considering the shame and the possibility of infection. God, what if you ended up on that show “Sex Sent Me to the ER” for getting a cucumber stuck up your - 

Wait. What was Leon’s computer password? Leon had two laptops in his house - one in the bedroom and one in his office. You were not to touch the one in his office under any circumstances because you didn’t have “top secret clearance and the government would send an army of men to kill you in your sleep if you so much as pressed one key” or something like that. But, Leon never said anything about the computer in his bedroom. You’d bet your savings on the fact that this bedroom computer was 100% certainly for porn. A laptop is portable, so why have two for work? What else is a computer for? Facebook? Instagram? YouTube? No, Leon is 41 years old. It is for porn. 

There were only two questions: How to get in? And what’s inside?

You took out a pen and paper to write out possible password combinations, so you could pick the ones you deemed optimal, not wanting to risk locking yourself out of the computer by guessing everything your mind could conjure up. 

What do people have as their passwords? Mother’s maiden name? Childhood pets? Birthday? Girlfriend’s name? 

“Hell yeah!” you said to the empty room when you guessed correctly on the first try. It was your first name. No numbers or symbols. Dumbass. 

There wasn’t anything saved locally, so you had to go to the internet and hope that he hadn’t deleted his search history. Yeah, you could just search up whatever you wanted to watch, but what’s the fun in that? You typed “P” into the search bar and the first thing that came up was Pornhub. Is Leon really that horny? Ew, gotta check the desk chair for jizz stains. Nothing you hadn’t tasted before.

You looked at his recent searches when you clicked on the site.

Amateur, lesbian, creampie. Pretty basic, nothing to do with stepmoms or women getting stuck in washing machines. How do they even get in there in the first place? What does sex have to do with getting them out? Your mind trailed off for a moment contemplating porn premises - maybe this was why you couldn’t get off...

Oh. There was something interesting. One word: Daddy. 

If only you could look at the time he’d searched it up. Was it after you’d called him that? Or had Leon always wanted to be your daddy? You clicked on some stuff with 'daddy' in the title, and tried to get into it, but it wasn’t Leon. That man in the video isn’t daddy, not to you. It wasn’t enough to get you off, not even close. 

Back to square one. You decided to search through your photo gallery. Leon’s face - hot. Leon sleeping shirtless - a little creepy, but hot. Leon straight out of the shower - really hot. Looking at Leon with a towel hanging around his waist was enough for your fingers to find their way back to your clit.

Leon wasn’t hairy per se, but he did have a nice happy trail leading from his belly button down to what you really wanted. The towel was riding low on his hips and you could see it, could almost see further. 

Finally getting a little excited, you continued to sift through your Leon catalog. The next picture had a perfect shot of that five o’clock shadow, the one that tickled your thighs when his face was between them. His lips, so soft against your skin, his nose that would press against your clit anytime he tongue-fucked you. 

Jackpot, A video. Of Leon. You were eternally grateful to past-you who took tons of pictures and videos, but especially this one. It was Leon, getting ready in the morning, so ridiculously mundane, but his raspy, deep morning voice. 

“Mornin’, Baby. What are you doing?” he asked. 

Touching myself halfway across the world from you, daddy.

This was way better than porn. Leon’s laugh once he realized you were filming. Hot. Leon slipping on a t-shirt, showing off his perfect physique... and the happy trail again. Hotter . Leon buckling his belt - unbuckling would be better, but clinking sound had long ago linked itself to the moment before you’d have him. Have him in your mouth, have him on top of you, have you on top of him. In bed, in the car, in the bar bathroom. Have him inside you however he wanted.   

You remembered his thumbs playing with your nipples, hands running down your sides, gripping your hips, pushing you down, so he could thrust up into you harder. If only your hands were Leon’s hands. Leon’s big hands. Leon’s big dick. Leon. Leon. Leon. Oh Leon . 

It’s a shame he wasn’t there to hear you moan out his name. 

Fucking finally. All you had to do was look at a video of the man. Yeah, you were fucked. No, you weren’t fucked, but you’d like to be. 

That night, you were up late, bored out of your mind. And lonely, very lonely. This was retribution for cheating on Leon. In a fit of every single emotion known to mankind, you betrayed the man you loved.

You made your bed, now go lie in it, you thought.

You were sitting on the couch, trying to balance the line between self-pity and self-loathing, while biding your time by watching rom-com after rom-com. The Holiday, When Harry Met Sally, Jerry Maguire. All of 'em.

The doorbell rang. The little unmistakable jingle bounced off the high ceilings and echoed through the room. Did you order strippers in your drunken stupor the night before? Was a serial killer dumb enough to ring your doorbell? Who the fuck was on Leon’s doorstep at midnight?

You got up and looked through the peephole before opening the door. On the front porch stood a woman -  a short black bob, maybe 5’7”, looked to be in her 30s, a bit overdressed for the occasion, but most of all, drop-dead gorgeous. Doesn't matter how straight you thought you were, you weren't not going to let her in. 

“Um, hi,” you said, cracking the door open, enough to lean your head out, but hopefully not enough for her to see your pajamas. 

“Hello,” she said, “Can I come in?”

“Are you looking for Leon? Because he’s not home.”

“I know he’s in Moscow. I’m looking for you.”

Was the government coming to kill you for breaking into Leon’s computer? Did the government monitor his porn too?

“Are you Hunnigan?”

She was the only person you could think of who would know Leon's location.

“My name is Ada.”

Ada . Leon’s infatuation began to make sense. 

“Okay,” you said and let her in, god knows why. Maybe you could pry more information out of her, but based on what Chris had told you, you weren’t optimistic. 

“You can sit down if you want,” you offered, trying to be a good hostess.

“Thanks,” Ada said and sat down on the living room chair. 

“Can I get you anything to drink?”

“I’m okay. Thanks.”

You downed a glass of water because your mouth had dried up completely in the last five or so minutes. As not to keep your guest waiting, you returned to the living room. You looked around at the cluttered room, blankets strewn around, an empty bowl of popcorn, the TV still on. 

“Sorry. I would’ve cleaned up if I knew you were coming over.”

“It’s not a problem,” she said, “Is this 10 Things I Hate About You?” 

“Yeah,” you said, pausing the TV, “have you seen it?”

“I have. I don’t usually like rom-coms, but I like this one.”

This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, you thought to yourself. You already had two things in common: you liked to watch the same movies and fuck the same man. 

You sat down on the couch, facing Ada. “If you don’t mind me asking, Why are you here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“Leon.”

Alright. No beating around the bush with this woman.

“You love him, right?” she asked. 

“Yeah, I do. A lot.”

You felt uneasy. It sounded like the beginning of a ransom note. “You love him, right? Wire me 10 million dollars by the end of the day if you want to see him again”. You were completely off-base in your suspicions, however. 

“That’s good. He deserves someone who loves him.”

“You’re right. He does. He deserves someone way better than me.”

She waited in silence for you to continue. She seemed oddly unbothered by your guilty demeanor, but was clearly unsatisfied with your vagueness.

“I cheated,” you said quietly, unable to meet her prying gaze. 

“Okay. Not a great look for you. Does he know?”

“No, but I’m gonna tell him. I know it’ll break his heart, but I can’t lie to him,” you divulged way more to her than you’d intended to, but she was a good listener, “I wish I could take it back. I hate myself for doing it.”

“We all feel that way sometimes, but what’s done is done.”

Her nonchalance was getting to you. Is this how she felt about what she did with Leon?

“Can I ask you something?”

She didn’t respond, just waited for you to speak again.

“Did Leon tell you we were together?”

“He didn’t, but I did suspect there was someone. The signs were there - bobby pins on the bathroom counter, a thong in his laundry basket, you know, things a man wouldn’t have without a woman.”

“Why did you do it?” you asked the question that’d been bouncing around your mind since you’d let her in the house. 

Did you really want the answer? Yeah, no matter how much it might hurt, it was worth knowing.

“Why did he do it? Why did you do it?” she said.

You agreed with Chris’ assesment - mysterious. Mysterious had an undeniable allure, but it did not answer your questions, only posed more. Despite your frustration, you ended up answering her.

“I don’t know. I guess I just wasn’t thinking. I was pissed at him for sleeping with you and I was lonely.”

Talking to Ada felt similar to going to therapy, but if your therapist was the oracle at Delphi with her cryptic sort of guidance.

“I see,” she said, looking you up and down with her x-ray-like eyes. Ada, to your surprise, gave you her explanation in return, “He gives me a sort of love that I don’t deserve, and that I can’t get from anyone else, and he’s stuck in the past. He thinks of me as a person that doesn’t exist anymore. We like the people we pretend to be.”

“Do you think he’s stuck on you?”

“In some way, maybe, in the way that we all get stuck in the past, all too stubborn to change, but I still think that given the choice, he’d pick you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I spoke to him, recently, in Moscow. He talked about you.”

Un-fucking-fair that she got to see him. What if they-?

“Did you guys do anything?”

“No. I proposed the idea to him, and he said no. He said he’s in love.”

“And I broke his heart. I'm the worst person ever.”

You wanted to cry, bang your head against the wall, crumple up and die. 

“You’re not. You’re not, I’m not, Leon’s not. There are people in labs across the world creating viruses to wipe out millions. And they sleep well at night.”

“So, because other people suck worse, I should be okay with what I did?”

“No, but you’re young and naive. You make mistakes. I met Leon when he was around your age. He made worse mistakes because he was lusting after some woman,” Ada spoke of the past with a unique glint in her eye. Not quite nostalgia, but close.

You listened intently. She sure was interesting, that was for sure. 

“You got all wet over a second meathead of a man and cheated, but at least no one died,” she said matter-of-factly.

“I’m gonna break his heart. That’s like, practically killing him.” 

“You’re so dense. Perfect match for Leon.”

Ouch. 

“You care, Leon cares, and for some reason, I care enough to come here and try to play love-guru. You can work this out. You can give him a type of love that I cannot, and with all he’s been through, he deserves it.”

If Ada turned out to be just an apparition of your conscience, the angel and the devil on your shoulders, you wouldn’t be surprised. You’d despised her since the moment you found the condom in the trash can, despite the fact that you’d never met. It was easier to put it onto her than Leon. A faceless, nameless threat to your relationship. 

“I feel bad for hating you,” you apologized to her - not that she knew about your feelings in the first place. It just felt like the right thing to do. 

“Don’t. You have a right to be angry.”

“Do you wanna stay over?” You asked pathetically, still looking for friends wherever you could find them.

“Even more like Leon than I thought,” she said, and this time it didn’t seem like a jab. Her face said she found you a bit charming. “I can’t. I have somewhere I have to be,” she let you down easy.

“Well, I hope to see you again soon.”

She hesitated, but said, “Likewise.”

You hugged her before she left, which clearly took her by surprise. She was rigid in your arms, but seemingly tried to loosen up a bit, and gave you a friendly pat on the back.

At the door, she turned back and said, “Have you had your period recently?”

“Uh, no, why?”

“Take a test.”

You knew what kind of test she was talking about, but what in the fucking world? You didn’t have time to ask, though because she was already gone, practically disappearing into thin air. 

Leon had now been gone for around four weeks at this point. Still lonely, still guilty, but starting to feel a little nauseous in a way that couldn’t be accounted for by any of those feelings you had. 

You assumed Ada was just taking a shot in the dark with her whole ‘take a test’ thing, but maybe she was onto something. 

Your period wasn’t always on time, sure, but there was a normal range and it was obvious to you, even without tracking the days, that it had been too long since your last one. You really should’ve been more diligent about taking your birth control pills. “You’re young, you make mistakes.” Maybe this was what Ada meant.

You bought a pregnancy test. You spent five minutes waiting for the results to appear, sitting on the toilet while the plastic stick was next to you on the bathroom counter. You could easily glance over, but you didn’t dare look until you knew the five minutes were up. 

You took a deep breath, crossed your fingers, and picked up the test. 

Two lines. Clear as day. Couldn’t be a hallucination. At best, it could be a false positive. Luckily, you had purchased a three-pack, so a few hours later you took another one. 

Two lines. 

For good measure - though you were pretty sure two false positives would be so rare is was almost impossible - you took the third. 

Two lines.  

Good things do not come in threes. Three pairs of two little lines and one pregnant woman, alone in her bathroom. Good things do not come in any number. Good things do not happen to you. 

You had to tell Leon. But you’d have to get through Hunnigan first. You’d have to get to Hunnigan first. 

It was difficult to get her contact info, but you were persistent. Reluctantly, you called Claire, Jill, even Chris. None of them had any way to contact her. Claire however, gave you Sherry’s number. The little girl turned DSO agent he’d mentioned.

Sherry, god bless her, had Hunnigan's number and was nice enough to give it to you. You made the call and picked up on the first ring. 

“Hello?” Hunnigan's voice was more pleasant than you expected. Based on the fact that Leon was always so stressed when he picked up her calls, you'd expected her to be rude or aggressive.

“Hi, you don’t know me, but I’m Leon’s girlfriend”. You sounded like a high schooler when you said it like that. 

“Okay,” she said in a neutral tone, waiting for more information. 

“I need to speak with him.”

“I’m sorry, but that would go against all protocol.”

“It’s really important.”

“I understand that, but his life is on the line, and I cannot let him get distracted.”

“Please, just trust me, it’s so important. You have no idea.”

“What do you need to tell him? Maybe I can relay the message.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Oh.”

Yeah, ‘oh’ is right.

There was a pause before you asked for the second time, “Can I talk to him?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do that. It would give him extra things to worry about, and he’s already incredibly overworked and stressed right now. Distraction can be the direct cause of death. I cannot have him get distracted by anything. It’s for his own safety, and I hope you can understand that.”

You wanted to tell her to fuck off or to force her to patch you through, but instead you just hung up. Great. You’re pregnant and alone. 

There were countless unanswered questions, making you feel queasier than you did before. 

How can I tell my parents? How can I tell anyone? Who do I even have to tell? What should I do? Give birth in 8 months or get an abortion? What would Leon want? What if Leon doesn’t even want me back?

The one you typed into the search bar was: How do I get rid of morning sickness? You spent the following few hours curled up on the bathroom floor. No, this was your retribution. 

As much as you felt like you should keep it to yourself for a while, you ended up having lunch with Jill. You figured it would be better to not speak to Chris, and on the off chance that you couldn’t keep your big mouth shut, you were wary about speaking to Claire for the time being. That whole situation was one you needed to talk out with Leon before anyone else. Jill seemed like a safer option. Plus, she gave off such a mature, pragmatic vibe that made you feel like she’d be the type of person you’d want to call for advice. To be honest, she reminded you a lot of Leon. Maybe if you could tap into her thinking, you could tap into Leon’s on some level. 

Jill offered to buy you lunch - a friend and a meal was a win-win. You convinced her to go to a diner with you, not letting her in on your little secret until later. You were already getting cravings - milkshakes, pickles, you name it. 

At some point during your meal, you couldn’t keep hold of the secret any longer, it was eating you up inside. 

“I’m pregnant,” you blurted out.

Jill spit out her soda. 

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry.” 

Dammit! You had the worst track record with making friends. 

“It’s okay,” she said, wiping herself off with a napkin. 

She stared at you for a moment once she’d finished dabbing the spill out of her clothes. 

“Wait, you’re serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit. That’s…”

“Not great, yeah, I know.”

“It sucks that you have to go through that alone. I shouldn’t even ask because it’s none of my business, but have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“It’s a scary decision, but I’m here for you no matter what you choose, and I’m sure Leon would feel the same.”

“You think?”

“Positive. He’s a good guy underneath all of the bullshit. Plus, he’s crazy about you.”

“I just wish I could tell him.”

“I know. I wish there was a way I could help you there, but I can’t. I have no way of reaching him. Did you end up getting in touch with Hunnigan? Is that why you asked for her number?”

“Yeah, I did, and Claire gave me Sherry’s number who gave me Hunnigan’s.”

“I assume Hunnigan said you couldn’t talk to Leon.”

“Yep.”

“That fucking sucks. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, but I’m glad I have people here who are good to me, like you, for example.”

You realized that may have sounded a little bit cheesy, but what the heck, you thought, you were a pregnant woman, dealing with hormonal changes, it was okay to get sappy. 

“Yeah, you have me. And Claire, and Chris, and I guess you know Sherry now, too.”

It was definitely not time to tell Jill about the situation with Chris. One bombshell was enough for one lunch outing. 

You ended up talking to Claire as well, managing to keep the Chris situation out of the conversation. 

“Hey, how are you doing?” Claire greeted you with a hug. 

“I’m okay.”

You weren’t feeling super well, so you’d invited her over to your place - well, Leon’s place - rather than asking her to go out with you. 

“You sure? You’re looking a little pale. Do you think you could be coming down with something?”

“No, no, I’m fine. I mean, I’m - I’m pregnant.”

“Congratulations?”

You shook your head.

“I’m sorry?”

You gave her a little hand gesture to indicate that her answer was “close enough" to whatever reaction the situation should've warranted. Honestly, there wasn't a perfect reaction to that kind of news.

“Now you know why I’ve been sticking around the house.”

“Morning sickness?”

“Yeah. It sucks.”

“Sure does. Not that I’ve ever experienced it, but I’ve seen it in action and it takes a strong woman to be able to handle it.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m very strong when I’m sobbing into a toilet bowl.”

“Have you gotten in touch with Leon? I know I gave you Sherry’s number…”

“I did talk to Sherry, and she gave me Hunnigan’s info, but Hunnigan wouldn’t let me talk to Leon.”

“Did you tell her you’re pregnant?”

“Yeah.”

“And she still wouldn’t let you talk to him?”

“Nope.”

“I would rarely ever say this about another woman because I think it’s pretty sexist, but what a bitch! I can’t believe she’d do that to you.”

“I definitely thought that at first, but I know she’s just trying to protect him. Who knows how he’d take the news.”

“I’m sure he’d just wanna be there for you.” She put an arm around your shoulder. 

“I hope so. I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do in this situation.”

“There isn’t a ‘supposed to’. You do what’s right for you, and you only. Don’t worry about what anyone else might think because I’ll be there for you, and so will Leon, and everyone else.”

“You sure?”

“100%”

“Have you made an appointment yet?”

“For?”

“With an Obgyn. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to go to one. No matter what you choose.”

“I guess I have to make one, then.”

“I could go with you, if you’d like.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. I know it’s not the same as Leon, but you shouldn’t have to go alone.”

And she did accompany you. The nurse asked if you two were partners and you explained that she was just a friend. The nurse seemed hesitant to let ‘just a friend’ come with you into the ultrasound room, but when she saw Claire holding your shaky hand, she let go of whatever was holding her back from allowing Claire to accompany you. 

The gel they put on your stomach is cold. The thing that looks like a grocery store scanner that they use to look into your uterus feels weird. They press harder into your skin with that one than you’d think. Claire holding your hand kept you from swatting the woman’s hand away. 

The three of you studied the monitor, though the nurse was the only one who could really tell what was going on.

“I can see an embryo in there.”

You sighed, letting reality sink in.

“I can see that you’re nervous. I won’t pry into your situation, but just know that there are many options available and no one is here to judge you for whatever you choose.” 

“Thanks,” you said simply. 

She was nice, but it didn’t make the choice any easier. It was tiring to hear everyone say ‘we support you’ and ‘we won’t judge you’, when all you wanted was for someone to tell you what to do. Ideally, you wanted Leon's input. You'd still have to make your own choice, but it'd be nice to hear his thoughts, considering he got you knocked up in the first place, and you definitely couldn't afford to take care of a baby on your own. 

You saw the doctor briefly and told her you’d think over your decision, but when she was about to leave the room, you remembered the dream you’d had the night before. You held a newborn baby in your arms while Leon doted on you both. Real life was never as perfect as it was in your dreams, but you could see a real future like that with him. 

“What if I want to keep the baby?” you asked when the doctor returned.

“That’s one of the multiple valid choices. If you decide that, I would suggest you book another prenatal appointment about a month or so out from now.”

“Where can I do that?”

“I can give you a slip to take to the front desk and they can get you set up.”

You and Claire were alone for a moment while you redressed. 

“So, you’ve made your decision?” she asked. 

“Yeah, I think so. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do you think Leon would want me to choose this?”

“I can’t speak for Leon, but I’m sure he would want you to do what you think is best.”

The diplomatic answer.

“But if it were up to him, would he want to be a father?”

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t think it was in his plans, at least, not for some time. You know, he’s been through some shit, and his job is hardcore. He’d be a good dad, though.”

“You think?”

“Oh yeah. If only you could’ve met him when Sherry was a kid. He was so good with her, sometimes in a way that I couldn’t be. I mean, I like to think I was a good mother figure for her, but he was a really good father figure. So, if I had to guess, I'd say that in any other life, Leon would’ve been a father already. If Raccoon City never happened, I think he’d be a dad.”

“Well, what about in this life?”

“It seems like he’s already on his way to fatherhood, and he doesn’t even know it.”

It was late in your first trimester when you got a call, a good call, the call you’d been waiting for. 

“Hey, baby, I’m coming home,” Leon said, so blissfully ignorant of the situation that it stung.

Still, you were overjoyed to hear his voice. 

“Yay! You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you,” you said.

“I actually do. I’ve been missing you for the same amount of time.”

Oh yeah. That’s true. Brain fog. 

You weren’t going to tell him over the phone. He’d have a heart attack. The hours waiting for him felt longer than all the weeks he’d been away combined. 

When he got home, Leon settled on the couch with his feet up while you paced the room. He had a glass of whiskey - something you thought he’d given up, but you weren’t going to judge him for it. He was clearly exhausted and honestly, it might be better if he mellowed out a little before you gave him the news. 

“Baby, what’s up?”

“I gotta tell you something. Actually, multiple things. Don’t freak out.”

Not yet at least . 

“Okay… You wanna sit next to me while you tell me?”

You sat down next to him, still restless. 

“Do you want the bad news or the… surprising news first?”

“Good news?”

You shook your head. “Let me just get the bad news off my chest because it’s making me sick not telling you.”

The other news is making me feel sick too, but for a slightly different reason. 

“Okay…” Leon’s inquiring eyes seemed onto what you were about to say.

“I cheated on you and I’m really really really sorry.”

You broke down immediately, and his instinct to protect you took over any anger he felt. He held you in his arms and rubbed your back.

“Breathe, baby.”

“I’m so sorry, Leon. I love you, and I ruined everything. I fucked it all up because I was lonely and pissed off at you for what you did with Ada.”

“I understand,” he said with a sigh. He wasn’t happy, that was for sure, but he continued to soothe you with his steady, reassuring hands. 

Once you’d stopped crying, Leon said, “Who was it?” He was firm, but not angry 

“Chris,” you said, already on the verge of tears again, “I’m so so so sorry.”

Your words came out all in one breath, all laced with anxiety. Your whole world was about to crumble in front of you.

“Stop saying you’re sorry! It’s not helping either of us. I understand that you’re sorry.”

He’d never been harsh with you before. It was unsettling. The waterworks returned.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have used that tone with you. Even if I’m upset, that was wrong of me to snap at you.” Leon pressed you to his chest while he apologized and you could feel his heartbeat. Fast, and yet he was so focused on calming you. 

“How exactly did this come about?” He asked. 

“I was really lonely and so I texted Claire, but I was too shy to tell her that I wanted to hang out so I asked her if she knew how to change your AC, and she said no, but she could send Chris and I just accepted because I couldn’t tell her the truth about the AC…”

To your surprise, Leon was laughing.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because that’s hilarious. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still upset about you cheating, but it just sounds like a dumb porn plot. You can’t figure out the stupid air conditioner so you have to call the maintenance man to come fuck you about it.”

After he got his giggling out, he sighed and said, “I doubt the rest is funny, but I still think I should know what happened.”

“It just happened.”

“What happened?”

“We made out and he…” You made a motion indicating ‘fingering’. 

“And then?” He sounded impatient, probably thinking you were holding back something. 

Well, you were, but not about the cheating. 

“And then nothing. Haven’t spoken to him since.”

“You fucked up, that’s for sure.”

“But please don’t get mad at him. He was the one who stopped me when I offered to ‘return the favor’. He told me not to tell you because he felt really bad and didn’t want to ruin our relationship. He wants you to be happy.”

“That doesn’t make him better than you.”

“I know.”

“You said you were pissed at me? That’s why you did it?”

“I missed you and was pissed at the whole world, but mostly because I asked Chris about who you slept with and I basically forced him to tell me, and he told me about Ada. Just hearing about your relationship with her and thinking about her in your bed and how you just expected me to never find out.”

You couldn’t hide the lingering bitterness when you thought about him intentionally hiding her from you. 

“I know. It was wrong of me to do that, and I’m sorry. There’s no relationship, though, just so you know. Me and Ada, we've never been in a relationship.”

“But you love her.”

“I do not love her.”

“But you did.”

“Maybe, but things change. I might’ve loved her 20 years ago, but that doesn’t matter anymore. What matters now is us, and working our shit out.”

He still wants to work things out? Well, that’ll be short-lived. Might as well bite the bullet and spill.

“Can I tell you the other thing?”

“There’s more?” Leon gulped down the last of what was in his glass and poured himself the equivalent of a shot which he also downed before gesturing for you to continue. 

“So, the more shocking thing that I mentioned.”

“I don’t know what else could shock me more, but go ahead.”

“I’m pregnant.”

He was silent, looking at your stomach as if he didn’t believe you. You didn’t have a bump yet, but that was to be expected at this point in the pregnancy. 

“Do you wanna see the ultrasound?” you asked, feeling shy about it since you couldn't decipher his reaction. 

“You got an ultrasound?”

“Yeah, I’ve been to two appointments.”

“Alone?”

“No, Claire went with me.”

You got up and pulled the pictures of your purse.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he mumbled into his empty glass.

“Here,” you said, thrusting them at Leon. 

This was make or break. Your nerves made you feel sick to your stomach. Or maybe that was the morning sickness. 

“Wow,” he marveled at the pictures, “Where is it?”

“Here,” you pointed to the tiny embryo in the fuzzy black and white image.

“That’s in there?” he asked, pointing at your belly.

“Yep.”

“It’s not about me, but you have to make that choice pretty soon, don’t you?”

You couldn’t tell what he wanted from his tone, but you’d already made your choice. You were going to stick to your guns on this one. Yeah, you’d fucked up a lot recently, but this felt right. Unexpected, nerve-wracking, but somehow right. 

“I’ve been planning on keeping the baby... becoming a mom.”

“Okay. Then, I’ll be a dad.”

“Really? It’s that simple?”

“I think so.”

“But I fucked everything up and you have this weird job and we’re not married and -”

He cut you off with a kiss. “We’ll figure it out,” he said.

“You don’t hate me?”

“I never hated you.”

“Really? Even after everything?”

“Do you hate me? Even after everything I did?”

“No.”

“Then I think you understand.”

“Do you hate Chris?”

“No,” he sighed and paused, “but I’m going to have a talk with him. Does he know about the baby?”

“I haven’t told him.”

“Who knows? Other than Claire.”

“Jill and Hunnigan.”

“Hunnigan knows?”

“Yeah, I asked her to patch me through to you, so I could tell you, but she said no.”

“She said no?” Leon looked like he was about to snap again, you could see him tense up. 

“She was just looking out for you, didn’t want to let you get distracted and get yourself accidentally killed.”

“No, fuck that! I’m done with the DSO dictating everything about my life. They took away any plans for a normal life, a normal job, having normal friendships, every vacation I’ve ever tried to have, but now they’re fucking with my family? No. That’s it. I quit.”

Family? Family, you were going to be a family. Those pregnancy hormones were close to making you tear up.

“You said you can’t quit.”

“I’m going to.”

“What if they kill you?”

“They won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“I’d kill them first. They shouldn’t have trained me in combat if they wanted me to be a target.”

“You’re willing to put your life on the line?”

“I put my life on the line for way less for the last 3 months. For my kid? Hell yeah, I’ll put my life on the line.”

“Your kid,” you echoed, rubbing your tummy.

“Yeah, our kid, our little baby.”

Leon was smiling, really smiling. Okay, maybe good things do happen to you.

[kevindayscrown]

So I just read that kevin used Jean in order to flee from the nest, and he also knew that by doing so, Riko would get enraged and take it out on Jean, but it was his only chance. Maybe Kevin thought he could help Jean after he got out of the nest. Maybe he thought jean could endure the pain that Riko would inflict on him and find a way to help Jean after that. Maybe he asked Wymack to help jean since wymack knows everything about the nest.

Idk i refuse to believe that kevin did nothing for jean after that incident and if he didn't i'm sure he spent all those days thinking about jean i'm sure he felt guilty every single day of his life

And i'm almost sure that kevin tried to coax jean into leaving the nest. But jean thinks he belongs to the ravens. He coudn't save someone who didn't want to be saved. Kevin also said “I knew you wouldn’t come with me.” So I'm sure he tried to persuade him but jean just wouldn't budge.

nora made him this selfish asshole she hates him i swear lol

i need kevin's POV i'm sure he did try to rescue jean but he failed

Sorry for any grammatical mistakes i'm not a native

I think there is a lot more nuisance that goes behind this. I don't think with what was implied in TSC that Nora made him a selfish asshole.

Let's work with only what we know from Jean's POV; that night, Kevin asked Jean to distract Riko, knowing that Jean would say yes. Kevin told Jean nothing else; he didn't try to convince him to come with him. Does that make Kevin an asshole? Maybe. But also Kevin was indeed well aware that Jean would have said no, and Im pretty sure he didn't try to change his mind. We don't know what was going on inside his head, but it's also safe to assume that Kevin had one goal that night, and that was to just get out of there. Is that selfish? Maybe, if you look at it on a surface level and only if you look at it through the perspective of Jean (though I don't think that if you ask Jean now, in canon, that he'd consider Kevin selfish).

But the thing is that, as right as Jean is in being angry at Kevin for leaving him, Kevin also had every right to escape that night.

I don't think it makes him selfish. Kevin knew that if he stayed in the Nest, he'd either die or left to wither away as nothing more than remnants of a legacy (which for Kevin, it might as well mean he is dead regardless). Kevin made a very difficult choice, and it was difficult not only because he had to leave Jean behind but also because he had to abandon everything he knew. He chose to leave Riko’s side despite having been brainwashed to think that he is meant to be his second, his pet. Unfortunately for the Moriyamas, conditioning Kevin to care about exy and his game so much meant that, at the threat of losing what he thinks is his only worth, he became defiant enough to run away.

Also, we need to keep in mind that something happened between Jean and Kevin before the incident with Kevin's hand; they weren't as close as they once had been. And another thing we need to keep in mind is that Kevin didn't even know everything that was being done to Jean (which I find hard to accept but that's per canon right now).

We also need to keep in mind that you can't save someone from drowning without the risk of taking yourself down too. In the long run, Kevin making it out first meant that he could help Jean later, as it eventually happened. It was the only logical solution. Trying to convince Jean wouldn't have worked, and the Moriyamas wouldn't have been as 'lenient' about losing two investments instead of one.

But yes, Kevin does admit to feeling 'bottomless guilty.' Kevin isn't just some asshole who only cares about himself, despite the circumstances. Even as things are implied in canon, I think Kevin leaving is implied more as "a tragic circumstance that couldn't be helped, the fault for which befalls on the abusers who forced their hands" rather than "Kevin is an asshole who left Jean".

The two don't even argue about it as viscerally as people had expected; deep down, despite the resentment about the fact, Jean probably understands. He doesn't blame Kevin for leaving (at least not at Kevin's face), but he does blame him for sending him to distract Riko. And he is right to do that. Even if Kevin had been desperate and afraid, even if he has all the reasons in the world to have done that, Jean has every right to be mad.

Situations can be nuanced like that, and it's fine. If anything, it makes things more interesting to explore and more complicated.

Though I do agree that a Kevin POV of that would be great to have.

[absolutesilly]

Tgcf fandom likes to talk about morals and such. We have folks who are the obvious clear good guys like xie lian and feng xin. And then we have hua cheng who is completely neutral. And then we get the morally grey like he Xuan and shi Wudu. And then we have mu Qing…. Which he’s not obliviously good like the other two xianle. But he’s never done an act that’s morally despicable… and he’s not like hua cheng either. What do you think of this topic? And what do you conclude on Mu Qing morality? lol sorry if this sounds like an exam question ☠️☠️☠️

hello there! :) i really appreciate the question!!

to start, i just wanna say that the tgcf fandom’s obsession with morals has always kinda driven me crazy, to be honest! in my opinion, flattening a whole bunch of very complicated characters into clear cut “good guys” and “bad guys” tends to feed into circular arguments about whose fave is the most morally pure and “right”—which isn’t very productive. having said that, though, mu qing’s specific morality really interests me, so let’s chat about it!

to me, mu qing is one of the most realistic characters in the novel, morality wise. he’s pragmatic and driven by self-preservation—which makes sense considering that he was born into extreme poverty with a sickly mother and an executed criminal for a father. he has to succeed and provide for himself and his mother, or they will starve. this is the reality he was born into! underlying all of his choices is the need to survive, at any cost.

but more than just being driven by self-preservation, he’s self-interested. mu qing is ambitious! he wants more for himself!! he isn’t satisfied just being someone’s servant, he wants to stand on his own as xie lian’s equal!!! (this is the crux of why they couldn’t actually be friends until the end of the novel… but that’s an essay for another day lmao)

anyway! mu qing protects himself first because he doesn’t trust anyone else to do it for him. he knows his worth and he leaves when he feels he isn’t being valued.

however, being self-interested does not mean that mu qing is selfish—though he’s often accused of it, both in-universe and out. i think many of the “selfish” accusations (from fans at least) come from the contrast between him and the rest of the xianle quartet, who are all nuts for self-sacrifice. feng xin is still struggling to break himself out of the “devoted bodyguard” mindset, 800 years after xie lian kicked him to the curb. hua cheng has LITERALLY died for his beloved, multiple times. and xie lian, of course, is Mr. Self-Sacrifice himself!

so naturally, a character like mu qing—who places a clear and high value on his own life—stands out a lot compared to them!

but it’s this very self-interest that makes his actions at the end of the novel SO powerful and so telling for who he is as a character. mu qing, THE self-preservation and self-interest guy, risks his life multiple times to save the people he cares about. he takes on a cursed shackle rather than betraying xie lian! he stays and tries to help everyone even though he fully believes that they all hate him and want him dead! he almost DIES just to buy xie lian a few more minutes of escape time! these are all acts of genuine love and selflessness.

of course, mu qing’s big self-sacrifice moments at the end aren’t the only time he does good!! he helps a lot throughout the novel—or at least attempts to help. many of his altruistic actions are either misconstrued by people’s assumptions about him/his own poor communication, or they blow up in his face. but he is very often trying to help!!

i think that’s the crux of mu qing for me: he’s trying. in spite of his cynicism, he KEEPS trying to be a good person! even though basically no one believes in him.

he’s not perfect. he’s mean and unpleasant (i say this with deep affection) and sometimes his pragmatism hurts the people he loves most. case in point: the 33 gods incident on the auspicious land. (though i could also write ANOTHER essay on how this was a complicated and unwinnable situation for both him and xl to be in, and ultimately i think his choice was sad but completely understandable… but i digress. essay for another time.)

anyway! if you’ve gotten this far! my overall verdict is: mu qing is complicated. he’s an imperfect person trying to be good, and i think that’s why i find him so interesting. he makes good choices and bad choices, as we all do!

i think a great many fans would do well to be a little more charitable in their assessment of him. when push comes to shove, many of us are more mu qing than we are xie lian. and there’s nothing wrong with that! ;)

[pinkrasberryfish]

I knew Elriel was endgame the moment Azriel volunteered to save Elain from Hybern.

Because arguably, if anyone other than Feyre was going to join the mission to save her, it should have been Rhysand. Elain is his literal sister-in-law, a person extremely special to his mate, and someone he should consider family.

But who goes charging off into the night on a suicide mission?

Azriel.

On orders from Rhysand?

Nope.

Because Elain and him were already a couple?

Nope.

She literally walked away from camp to go find her fiancé. Azriel was just a friend… someone new she had met in the faerie world. They arguably had very few moments together at all, and Azriel is out there risking his life for her.

And is that just something he does?

Not really. Our man’s didn’t give two craps when the Valkyrie’s got sucked into the Rite.

But in ACOWAR, Azriel would have rather died trying to save her than let her go.

And they weren’t even a couple yet!!!

This man has done more for Elain than anyone else who is *cough cough* wondering if she is even WORTH fighting for, and that is why he is most definitely pissed off about who “deserves” to be with Elain. Because he’s right: if anyone deserves a chance to win her heart, it’s HIM. He actually cares about her and has proven it, over and over again.

And their book is gonna be so fucking good because of this foundation.

[marvelqueenhere]

Merthur being idiots in love aka self sacrificial

Being attacked and left in the middle of a forest to die is not how Merlin imagined his birthday would be spent. However, when he sees Arthur being in that critical condition, there's not much else to consider but to fix the problem. How can he ensure Arthur is safe? He is breathing so faintly, barely concious with so much blood loss.

Merlin isn't doing much better himself but that's not the point. He knows he doesn't have enough strength to use magic at this stage. But if he used up all his energy, his magic and life force, there's a chance he can save Arthur. He'll take his chances, thank you very much. As for hiding his magic, he couldn't care less at this point. Yes Arthur will be angry, almost feral when he realises and recognises Merlin for the monster he is. But he certainly would rather spend all his energy to transport Arthur to Camelot. After that, it's not like he'll survive anyway. Maybe that betrayal would help Arthur in his grief. (yes, he'll see that Merlin's loss is not worth spending much time over). He knows what he has to do now. He looks at Arthur one last time. Sees him a bit wide eyed and exhausted, trying to roll towards him. He smiles at him one last time. It always has been for you, Arthur, he thinks. My magic, my loyalty, me. It was my absolute honor, serving you, Sire.

Arthur is trying really hard to hold on to his consciousness. He really is, especially after Merlin smiled at him. That idiot! He knows that face. It's his 'I will do whatever it takes because it is the right thing to do face'. He sees his stubborn set of jaw, his shoulders rolled back, as his eyes turn golden..What?! Everything seems to click in slow motion for him. Merlin, despite bleeding and injured as bad as he is, looks positively radiant. He has magic! Right now, covered in blood, oozing out golden light from his body, it seems more apt to say he is magic, rather than he has it. However, he hasn't much time to think of it. Merlin's focus and his determination alarms him. There's definitely something insanely stupidly self sacrificial about it. He can feel his panic rise. In his fear, he instinctually rolls over with all his energy as does the one thing he can think of : hold onto Merlin. Whatever is happening, he knows in his heart he can face it if Merlin is with him, by his side, where he always wishes him to be.

3 days later

He sends for Merlin. He needs to make sure how to keep him safe. He can't think of what would happen if news of Merlin's magic gets out. He arranges the funds to send him away, speaks to someone he knows so he can work. He also makes it that it's halfway between Camelot and his hometown.

Merlin enters. Worn out, dark circles and pale skin. It pains him physically to see him this way. At least he has a trusted horse to take him where he needs to be, with enough money that he can sustain himself comfortably even if he doesn't work at all the coming couple of years.

Merlin's shoulders have a resigned droop, his eyes a sign of quiet peaceful resignation. Arthur wants Merlin to sit comfortably, have a healthy plate and then discuss his plans. Alas he can't afford such a luxury when every minute is an added risk. He had waited for Merlin to recover just enough and it was already 3 days too many.

Merlin walks slowly but surely. However what he does next makes Arthur startle a step back. Merlin comes close enough to him, makes very very brief eye contact, enough to give him a small smile and then kneels! He has his hands behind his back and head bowed enough to almost touch Arthur's ankles.

"Sire, I accept the consequences of what I am. It was my absolute honor to serve you. If you will let me can I ask of you one last wish before I meet my end?"

Arthur has no idea how to respond. What is Merlin talking about? What end ? Sure it might be his last time in Camelot, but Arthur knows and can feel Merlin means something more than that. He's trying very hard not to acknowledge what Merlin is thinking. Merlin takes his shock as hesitation. His face twists before it clears with renewed perseverance. "Please Sire. Gaius has nothing to do with what I am. He's old enough to be spared seeing me burn. If you'll only grant my request to make this a private affair, I'll be infinitely grateful for it"

With horror, Arthur moves with the intention of pulling Merlin up. But he only bows further to touch his forehead to Arthur's feet.

Arthur CANNOT take this anymore. Merlin really thought this of him? after all this time? and came to him like an animal to be slaughtered? His blood boils. He always knew anger is his worst enemy.

To be continued...

[lillie98]

I headcannon Mike Wheeler as autistic (because we share the exact same strain) and I have a theory regarding Season 5. Many autistic people, including myself, have a warped sense of inherent danger. We will throw ourselves into dangerous situations not fully understanding the risks involved. It’s a dangerous situation, sure, but not so dangerous we should avoid it. Mike also has this problem, what with him diving head-first into every fight. He wants desperately to be a hero, to prove his worth and might as a person—to be remembered. If that means doing something stupid like getting himself killed, then that’s what it takes. It’s heartbreaking, but that’s the world he lives in. Hopper, Eleven, Will, they’ve all sacrificed their lives in some capacity to save the world, now it’s his turn.

Eddie touched on this concept with his “Don’t try to be heroes, not today. There is no shame in running,” but Mike doesn’t see it that way. In his mind, those who run are cowards, afraid to face their fears and fight for what they believe in. Has Mike been a bit cowardly these past two seasons by avoiding his feelings for Will? Yes, absolutely. But that’s his arc. Mike has to understand his actions, why he’s hiding, and the serious danger everyone is in. He has to face the music. Where does this lack of inherent danger come in? Glad you asked.

We all know Mike wants to be a hero. He wants to go down in history as someone good, someone who put others before themselves and saves the world. The Brave Knight, The Paladin. Paladins swear an oath of bravery and loyalty, vowing to avenge any threat that dares harm their allegiance (Byler anyone?). Something will threaten to harm/kill Will in Season 5, and Mike will have none of it. They’re not doing this again. Thus, Mike will throw himself in front of Vecna/Demogorgon/Brenner, etc. to protect Will, not fully comprehending the danger of the situation. He’ll be a hero. Unfortunately, this risky act will most likely cost him his life (temporarily). He doesn’t have to die. He’s the heart.

Lucas says, in the Season 4 hospital, that Max’s heart stopped for over a minute, but it miraculously started again. She is alive. El’s love for her conquered death itself. If we go on the “Will Has Powers” theory, then his love for Mike will conquer death and revive him. Mike only needs to be presumed dead, to be out long enough for Will and El to feel the effects of his death and consider joining Vecna. Because without their HEART, they’d fall apart. Both of them.

Back to what Eddie said, there really is no shame in running. Will doesn’t need Mike to do some egregious, knightly act of sacrifice to prove his love for him. His love is already enough. Will loves Mike for EXACTLY WHO HE IS. He always has, and THAT is the real heart of this story. Mike is not a hero because of what he does, but because of who he is. The way he loves, the way he stands up for what he believes in, the way he treasures his friends and protects them. The way he makes Will feel safe just by being there. That’s what Will fell in love with, not some fantastical DnD character that never actually existed.

Like Mike said in Season 2, “this isn’t DnD, this is real life.” DnD characters are fun, and it’s exciting to dream about slaying dragons or exploding orcs with your Magic Missiles, but that’s not real. It’s a game and it will end. Hit Points don’t magically restore you after a Long Rest and Healing Potions don’t deal 2d4+2 Healing. Actions have consequences and danger is real, even if your brain tells you it’s not. Paladins, Clerics, Bards, Rangers, their not real people. But Mike Wheeler is (in this context) and Mike Wheeler is enough. He is so enough. It’s time he wakes up and realizes he doesn’t have to be the Hero, slay the dragon, and make everything better, because it was NEVER HIS FAULT. Bad things happen and, sometimes, we can’t fix them. All we can do is stand beside our partner, hold their hand, and fight along with them—to remind them they are never alone. That, in and of itself, is truly heroic.

[illuminatedjoy]

Ace!Culprit Theory

I'm writing this on Thursday the 19th and I'd like to get it out before episode 14 arrives and shifts the case more. During my recent rewatch of chapter 2, I started to think Ace is the culprit, and the two newest episodes have further convinced me and helped me understand how it happened.

First, touching on the murder attempt in the gym. Back when Chapter 2 part 1 came out, I considered the possibility that Nico didn't try to kill Ace, and he actually attempted suicide. The trial shot that theory down fast when Nico confessed they did in fact attempt to kill Ace.

Or, did it? I think what happened was that Ace tried to hang himself, but the fan collapsed, drawing Nico to the gym. They would have been feeding the fish around that time. Nico saw him unconscious and unguarded, and tried to finish him off by cutting his throat with the wire. This was an attack of opportunity for Nico. Whether they truly meant to follow through on their initial threat or not, they were willing to go through with it when Ace was right in front of them.

Now, there are two pieces of evidence I need to address here, the turpentine and the wire. If Rose didn't notice Nico stealing the turpentine, she just as easily might have not noticed Ace steal it, so that's easy. Ace could have dosed himself with turpentine to pass out during the attempt and avoid pain. But the wire...

I previously thought, as many people did, that Hu gave Nico the wire and encouraged them to kill Ace. She would have either helped them win the trial or betrayed them and allowed Nico to be executed. However, I don't think this is consistent with Hu's actions in the trial.

I'm not saying she can't be a culprit later on, but I don't think she's lying about how she feels here. Therefore, trying to kill everyone to save Nico makes no sense, and throwing Nico under the bus makes no sense because of how she usually treats them. I also don't think Nico would have known about the mechanics of hanging if Hu wasn't helping them.

So, how'd the wire get to the gym? The same way the rope got to the playground: the culprit took it out of storage. We now know that Hu has struggled with suicidal tendencies most of her life. Speaking as someone who struggles with the same thing, I do not like to keep things in my home I could easily kill myself with if I can help it. It's not worth the risk. I think Hu put her wire in storage for her own peace of mind, perhaps after learning that Arei got rid of her rope. Ace took it for his suicide attempt because he thought it would be sturdier than the rope.

One more thing about Ace attempting suicide is this line. It's what originally made me think it was likely, but I kind of let it slide after Nico admitted to attempted murder.

So, I definitely think Ace has the most solid murder motive out of anyone in the cast. He's already given up on surviving the killing game. He's convinced everyone is out to get him, and he's shut out anyone who might offer him assistance like Levi or Eden. Furthermore, he has no alibi, either at night or in the morning. If he did attempt to hang himself, he likely does know enough about hanging to pull off Arei's murder. (Perhaps his one friend died by hanging? Hmm.) As for the evidence, something people bring up a lot is the grippy tape that disappeared from the gym. This is often used to point at Eden. But, why not Ace, too?

Ace left the gym intent on murder. He may have grabbed anything he thought might be useful. He also might have already had the tape on his person anyway, if he used it in his suicide attempt at all. Eden was thrown out of the gym without warning. I think it's simply much more likely that Ace had it then she had the presence of mind to grab it while everything was going on.

I don't really see any evidence that contradicts Ace!Culprit. There are a few things I don't know how to explain, like the starched up ball of clothes, but a different culprit doesn't explain that any better.

I think this is the most interesting outcome for the story. I'm curious to see how Levi takes it. I think Hu is going to be devastated when she realized her actions contributed to a suicide attempt and eventually a murder. Nico is likely to face some backlash too. If they had helped Ace instead of trying to kill him, it might have changed things.

And it punches a big hole in Teruko's belief that trusting no one is the safest way to survive. Because Ace trusted no one, and it drove him to desperation and murder.

[ineffablegoblin]

Good Omens Season 2 | Aziraphale's Actions on the Gameboard

This has definitely been discussed in great detail, but it keeps playing in my mind every night, so I'd like to add to the discourse.

@inhonoredglory did a great job at characterizing Aziraphale, showing the Job connection, and connecting his decisions to Michael Sheen's emotive and powerful beliefs. It has put into words a lot of the feelings and thoughts I'd been having since I first saw the show (and I have been watching it every night on repeat like its a song). The different theories about Metatron, the book of life, and coffee are interesting and great coping mechanisms to manage that intense final scene, and who knows what Neil will reveal in Season 3, but they don't consider the bigger picture outside of Aziraphale and Crowley.

Good Omens is fundamentally about the ineffable game of life that God plays. It is unknowable and unpredictable. Season 2 is supposed to be a bridge between two very intense life-shattering events. Season 1, and the novel, focus on preventing the end of the world. Season 3 (unwritten novel 2) must be equally big, if not bigger. There has to be more to it than just a relationship at stake.

We can't simply forget the Heaven and Hell still WANT the end of the world. They still want a big war. They are willing to go to extreme lengths to do so, and they're exceptionally eager to bury their 'institutional problems'. Metatron himself says that he needs an angel to lead 'the second coming'. He definitely is being some sort of manipulative, but the trap of heaven is also an opportunity to make a real difference.

When we look at Aziraphale in Episode 6's ending, he is very clearly reluctant and torn. He shows as much in his facial expressions, his tone, his mannerisms, and even his words. He mimics the conflicted hand movements and behaviors that he uses when lying as he addresses Crowley. He is very capable of trying to hide things from everyone he deems dangerous or at risk. He does this with Crowley (when he discovers who the antichrist is) and with God (when She asks about his sword). He also says that he does not want to go back to heaven when he speaks to Metatron about the offer. He says, pained, 'I think I-" before agreeing that he does not need anything and leaving with Metatron. He is in tears at the decision he has to make. He takes an emotional look at his bookshop and the windows and all the memories he has made of himself and his books and his drinks and his Crowley.

He very clearly KNOWS that "the something big and horrible" is coming. His decision is him choosing Crowley and his bookshop and earth because 'nothing lasts forever' and it won't last at all if he does not do something about it. Minutes before this he was under threat of being completely erased from the Book Of Life by the Archangels. Who's to say they won't erase him if he runs away with Crowley? Give him coffee (agreeing to Metatron's offer) or give him death (the destruction of earth and everything he loves and Crowley and himself).

It is true that Aziraphale would NEVER willingly give up his books and precious words. He would never abandon Crowley. It is emphasized until the end of the show. But if his books and his stories and diaries are about to be lost in some big horrible event, shouldn't he try to save it? Is his bookshop not worth giving up momentary comfort for? Is his life with Crowley not worth that sacrifice?

It's all part of the game. I think Aziraphale understands that to beat the game, he has to play it by the rules and beat it from the inside. He thinks in a fairly black-and-white way (or light-grey and dark-grey way) and he clearly knows Crowley will not agree with him. His "I need you" is as powerful as Crowley's kiss.

Think about it. If he just abandons the game, he loses by default. He has no control over what the other players do. We like having representatives in policy making when we vote, right? We have legal LGBTQ+ rights in some countries because someone went into the room of decision makers and fought for it. He knows has to be in that room to make a difference, or else he risks losing everything. And it's not as if he and Crowley haven't been separated before.

I mean, let's say you have a partner you love and you both run a business you love and have friends you love, but it's illegal to be gay, and you're both very gay. Your partner says you both should just run away and move to a cottage and live and be gay together in peace somewhere remote because the government would arrest you or your neighbors might stone you if they found out. But you know that no matter where you go, they might always find you and kill you both. You like the business and friends and little apartment in the city that you share. Now, say you suddenly get an offer from a colleague, who you may or may not trust, to be involved in the law-making, and you know the bill on Gay Rights is being re-written and evaluated. As much as I personally prefer living in quiet cottage, I could very well see myself choosing to take that seat and try to make a change. It would let me keep everything I love. It would keep me and my partner safe. It would let me keep other people like me safe (ineffable bureaucracy). It would be the right thing to do; the good thing.

He and Crowley must both know that they love each other. They have loved each other in their own way forever, and have spent years apart and been just as strong at their next meeting. Aziraphale had heart eyes from the moment they met in heaven. They play a very intentional game of rescue and meet-up. Aziraphale is very capable of taking care of himself, and Crowley does not need to rush to his aid when he senses something is wrong, but they both do that whole dance anyway because it's their version of showing their love with the human expressions that they have comfortably tempted themselves to enjoy (food, alcohol, collections, plants, books, cars, etc.). But they can literally have forever together. Aziraphale believes that they can survive this separation, especially if it means saving earth and their relationship in the long-run. His face says that it was a hard decision to make. Why would they want to save the humans in the bookshop, and save Job's children, and save Elspeth, and then suddenly not care about all the people on earth? Aziraphale has gone along with death and loss when it was part of the rules given by god in the past, but he did not like it. He cares about the rules. Playing the game by the rules can let him make a change in a very controlled and safe way.

Aziraphale is complex and not perfect. He is a person with strengths and weaknesses. He may be influenced by trauma or manipulation or something else, but people often make big decisions for multiple reasons. Aziraphale picked his character and is rolling the dice. He has to play this game by the rules. Neil is (hopefully but also not hopefully) setting up the board for something far bigger than Season 1 and I am so excited (but not) to know what it is.

[parkersgeorg]

Forgive me if this should have been a dm, but may I request that essay about Gohan and Vegeta’s relationship?

Ohohoho well SINCE YOU'RE ASKING.

Consider Vegeta. He has always prided himself on being, even as a child, stronger than all adult Saiyans, and that without training under anyone. He was a prodigy! He was unrivalled! And then he meets Gohan who 1) is probably even younger than Vegeta was when he was declared the best 2) never had any training whatsoever either AND wasn't even born and raised in a warrior culture. When do they first meet? Oh, that would be when Gohan absolutely trounces Vegeta's ass at the tender age of four years old (or five years old according to some Western translations, or three years old according to Toriyama's original concept), eliciting in Vegeta the same response Gohan gets from just about anyone: disbelief. For all that Vegeta has become the archetype of the shonen rival who always comes second, we tend to forget that he did beat Goku the first time they met -- and he beat him by a lot. He was torturing him to death when Gohan and Krillin and Yajirobé intervened, and without them Goku would be fucking dead (again).

Vegeta has thus been rattled not just by Goku but also by Gohan, who displayed enormous amounts of raw power at a ridiculously young age. And for all of Vegeta's posturing and pride, he noticed. After he allies himself with Krillin and Gohan on Namek, he shouts at Frieza that they're worthy allies because they're constantly becoming stronger, "especially the young one [who has] powers he can't even dream of". Gohan looks noticeably struck by this comment -- in the middle of the chaos of Namek where everyone is five times his height and a million times his power, Vegeta's acknowledgment would in a weird way probably mean a lot to him, especially since The Prince Of All Saiyans wouldn't say that kind of thing lightly. Gohan remains terrified of Vegeta's immense power and ruthless violence; but he takes Vegeta's profession of alliance seriously and doesn't hesitate to dive into danger to drag Vegeta out of the way, a move which completely baffles and infuriates Vegeta -- it was probably the first time anyone ever saved his life in combat. Of course he shouts at Gohan for what he can only perceive as a humiliation. And yet later, against Frieza, Vegeta does exactly the same thing for him, for no clear reason other that he considers Gohan an ally worth preserving.

So from the beginning, despite Vegeta's pride on one hand and Gohan's fear on the other, there's a warriorlike respect between them, and they're changing each other. Vegeta loathes Goku and dreads Frieza, and despises just about anyone else he fights... but not Gohan. That doesn't mean he's nice to him; when Gohan adorably tries to thank him for his help post-Namek arc, Vegeta batting his hand away is basically the continuation of his confused anger at Gohan trying to save his life. He cannot see that extended hand as anything other than an insult to his strength. But with that move, Gohan is literally the only fighter who tries to... befriend Vegeta. All the other Z-fighters keep well away and Goku sort of lost interest the moment he heard of someone stronger. But Gohan takes the time to thank him and acknowledge that Vegeta went out of his (admittedly very narrow) way to help them. I like to think that his wounded surprise when Vegeta rejects him would quietly shock Vegeta in turn -- shit, that kid really was trying to make friends. So his mental Gohan file would boil down to 1) Incredibly strong and worthy ally 2) Too sweet for his own good.

During the Cell arc, Vegeta's posturing endangers everyone. Once again, Gohan's amazing untapped strength comes out in full force, and once again he risks his life to save Vegeta's. But instead of blowing up at him this time, Vegeta apologizes (which shocks everyone who hears it). Is it the only time we see Vegeta apologize onscreen? I think it is. And he calls himself dead weight! Calls himself a burden on Gohan! Even in the deepest depths of his self-hatred, he would have never said something like that to Goku. No one but Gohan could have ever elicited that from him; no one but Gohan was both strong enough to actually protect Vegeta, and sweet enough that not even Vegeta could resent him for it.

So the little seed of respect planted during the Namek arc has been quietly growing during the Cell arc, and we see hints of it during the Buu arc too -- when Gohan is presumed dead, Vegeta is straight-up distressed, basically saying that Gohan didn't deserve it, getting hit by the guilt of what he's done. Gohan was the only Z-fighter to acknowledge Vegeta's humanity, and in return Gohan is the only Z-fighter whose humanity Vegeta acknowledges.

And then Buu is defeated, Vegeta concludes his character arc, and has his last interaction with Gohan in DBZ: they meet before the final tournament and Vegeta coldly tells Gohan he clearly hasn't been training. And Gohan seems intimidated and embarrassed. It's clear that for all of Vegeta's repeated fuck-ups, Gohan has never stopped respecting him: in his mind, Vegeta is still that pillar of strength that almost annihilated them all that first time on Earth, and saved their asses multiple times on Namek when Goku was nowhere to be found. The fact that Gohan is so vulnerable to Vegeta's judgment harks back to that moment on Namek when Vegeta casually acknowledged how awesome Gohan's power could become. Gohan remembers that -- and now, having abandoned his training, he clearly feels that he's disappointed Vegeta.That he didn't live up to his hopes. And Vegeta, in turn, clearly tells him he expected better -- that he did have hopes of Gohan, and that Gohan is fully capable of (and therefore responsible for) upholding Saiyan pride.

This is when we leave canon and depart for the mad fevered realms of my brain. The Namek Chief and Old Kai both saw deep untapped potential in Gohan but could only attempt to bring it up to the surface through magic. Gohan is basically, repeatedly confirmed as the strongest DBZ character ever... if he could only manage to actually unlock that strength. But it's locked up tight.

I wonder if anyone could HELP WITH THAT.

Being drafted in a terrible war at an absurdly young age? Vegeta knows how that feels. Being hindered in your ability to get stronger because of psychological issues stemming from trauma and self-doubt? Vegeta also knows how that feels. Feeling like you can never unlock your abilities when you need them? Vegeta also knows how that feels! He can even relate to being disgusted with fighting -- he swore to renounce fighting after Goku's second death and essentially kept his word right up until Goku came back. Most importantly, Vegeta would be uniquely suited to recognize how both Piccolo and Goku's training approaches fucked up Gohan. Piccolo didn't reassure him enough, turning the fight into this terrifying non-negotiable obligation. Goku reassured him too much, basically taking the fight aspect entirely out of Gohan's training -- to the point that Gohan experienced the actual fighting as a betrayal when the time came to face Cell, and terrified himself when his Saiyan ferocity came out unbidden and uncontrollable.

As the only person alive to remember Saiyan culture, Vegeta could see that what Gohan's been missing is the sheer joy Saiyans are supposed to experience when fighting. And post-Buu arc, Vegeta has grown enough to acknowledge he can care for other people. He would allow himself to actually use everything he knows to further someone else's development. His skills as a prodigy, his understanding of Saiyan nature, his own exploration of trauma, his respect for Gohan and his faith in that famed potential -- all that could come out to play big time. He could help Gohan; he would help Gohan. And thus finally return the friendship Gohan dared to extend to him all those years ago. And when I think of how Gohan would react to that, I CRY.

[hephaestuscrew]

In Ep4 'Cataracts and Hurricanoes', when Minkowski goes out into the solar storm to save Eiffel, Hilbert's reactions really emphasise the risk that she is taking.

HILBERT: Commander, I… cannot recommend this course of action. Risk of continued electromagnetic anomalies is still very high. This rescue mission places your life in unacceptable risk. For the greater good of the crew I must - MINKOWSKI: For the greater good of the crew I am going to pretend that this line of thinking was never even insinuated, Doctor. ~ HERA: Attention: radiological alert. Attention: radiological alert. Stellar flare imminent. EIFFEL: Uhhh… HILBERT: Commander, permission to speak freely? MINKOWSKI: Permission denied, Doctor. ~ On first listen, or without thinking about it too deeply, it's easy to dismiss Hilbert's opposition to Minkowski's plan as just showing that he doesn't care very much about Eiffel's life. Which is true in terms of Hilbert's perspective on the inherent value of Eiffel's life. But it's not true in terms of his perspective on the value of keeping Eiffel alive as a Decima test subject.

In 'What's Up, Doc?', threatening Eiffel is the only place Minkowski can point her gun that would make Hilbert talk. And yet when Eiffel's life is in danger in 'Cataracts and Hurricanoes', Hilbert actively tries to prevent Minkowski from going out into the storm to save him.

It's not that Hilbert has particular concern for Minkowski's life inherently either, as we see during his Christmas mutiny. When he tells Minkowski not to go out into that storm, it will be because he's weighed up the risks.

He believes that if Minkowski goes out into that storm, her and Eiffel will both probably die. And he's decided that the risk of being the only human left on the Hephaestus is not worth the possibility of saving his current Decima test subject. In arguing against Minkowski trying to save Eiffel, Hilbert is acting on his belief that the likely best case scenario here is one similar to what happened with Fisher: the first test subject lost, time to move onto the next one. That's a better outcome for him than having no humans available to experiment on, even though losing Eiffel would be a major blow to his experimental progress.

So when Minkowski goes out into that storm, she's doing something that a supposed genius thinks will almost certainly result in her death. (And I think Minkowski does see Hilbert as a genius at least at this point, although an eccentric one.) She takes that risk for Eiffel, someone who doesn't even really like. Much as I love Minkowski and Eiffel's relationship, I don't think her decision is personal here. I think she would have done the same for Hilbert, or anyone who she considered a part of her crew. That's the kind of person she is.

But it's still a significant moment in their relationship. If Minkowski would do this for anyone she considered part of her crew, this moment still shows that she considers Eiffel to be a part of her crew (which means that he's someone whose safety she feels responsible for, someone who she will take major risks to save). I think that's a surprise to Eiffel at least, if not to Minkowski as well.

[mischievous-marchie]

An anon requested BTAS/TNBA Dork Squad meeting their spouse from the future who saves them from a fatal accident. I was trying to fix the tags when Tumblr posted the edit as a reblog which I deleted. Only to find out it WAS the original post so. It's gone now. 🙃

This is my best attempt at redoing it. I was thinking of the BTAS version when I wrote it, but I think it could work for TNBA as well. I am so sorry for the inconvenience, Anon.

EDWARD NYGMA

His life flashes before his eyes. To think he would die so young.

Or not, as a mysterious(rather attractive) stranger comes to his recue at the last moment.

When you tell him that you're his spouse from the future, he's more than skeptical.

In fact, this man laughs in your face. "Pull the other one."

At your insistence, he decides he'll humor you. "Prove it," he challenges. "Tell me something about myself that no one else would know."

You actually give him a few examples.

His childhood stamp collection. The one that 'accidentally' got thrown out when his father 'mistook it' for trash.

The faint scar he has on his thigh. Result of a cat he once had digging its claws in too hard as it sprang off his lap.

The fact he talks in his sleep.

He didn't expect to get even one example out of you so... Consider him a believer.

We've seen how BTAS Eddie reacts when someone shows interest in him. He can't flirt worth a damn and now that he knows this is real, he's awkward and shy.

He already found you attractive, not to mention the fact you risked your life for him. Knowing that someday, you'd be his... He just knew you had to be special.

He does manage a quiet, "If you're what my future holds... I'm very lucky."

He insists that you don't give him any more details. He's afraid that knowing too much too soon would alter the future and doom your relationship.

When he finally meets your present self, he wastes no time in asking you out.

He's a flustered mess about it. Fortunately, you find his awkward demeanor endearing and accept.

As time passes and he gets to know you, he slowly becomes more confident in his approach. Soon enough, he's romancing you like a pro.

Just under a year of this culminates in him approaching you with a puzzle box. You solve it, discovering a diamond ring inside. "You always were a bright one," he compliments. "Will you marry me?"

You say yes.

He spares no expense to give you your dream wedding. Anything you ask for, he's on it.

Decorating will utilize each of your favorite colors. If you share his taste in colors, it will be a very green wedding.

If you thought his Riddler suit was fancy, wait'll you see what he's wearing to the wedding. Still green, of course.

He never does tell you about that fateful first encounter with your future self. Not until you've lived the experience.

Again, he doesn't want to risk altering the future. He's still afraid he might lose you as a result.

JONATHAN CRANE

He always knew he would go out like this. Well... Not exactly like this, but he expected it would be violent.

He's ready to accept his fate when a total stranger comes to his rescue. So... Who are you, exactly?

You explain, but he doesn't believe you. Not even for a moment.

If you try to prove it to him, he's not going to listen. Best to just cut your losses and go back to your own time. He'll come around on his own. Eventually.

You can bet future!Jon is retroactively apologizing to you for his brusqueness that day.

It's a few months later when Jonathan meets you again in the present day.

You're a new server at the diner he goes to for his evening coffee.

He recognizes you almost immediately, but... No. You're clearly younger. You can't possibly be the same person who saved his life that day. Can you?

Out of curiosity, he decides to approach you.

He's not going to broach the topic of that first meeting. He knows it would make him sound crazy(not that he's exactly sane).

He just wants to talk to you and confirm his suspicions. If you're appearance wasn't enough, your voice and mannerisms tell him all he needs to know.

He's not going to be weird about it. But seeing as he's a regular here anyway, he knows he'll be seeing you again.

He must have left a positive impact, because you recognize him from your first(his second) meeting. After a few visits, he quickly becomes a favorite customer of yours and you, his favorite server.

Oh. Oh no...

He's actually developing feelings for you.

Fuck it. There's no sense beating around the bush. He shoots his shot and asks you out. You accept.

It's a slow burn from there, but he develops a kind of bond with you that he's never experienced before.

It's a crisp, Autumn evening when he proposes.

The absolute madlad has trained a crow to bring him the ring on his signal. Yes, really.

Naturally, you agree to marry him.

The wedding is very... Goth. Probably held on Halloween and you're both dressed in black. The decorating is just as dark with some red for a splash of color and jack o'lanterns for lighting.

Wedding dirge.

He does tell you about the encounter with your future self. He doesn't know what effect it might have on the timeline, but he loves you and wants to be open with you. He's taken aback when you believe him without question though.

"You've never lied to me before, Jon," you say. "Of course I believe you."

JERVIS TETCH

It isn't fair. He'd lived a lonely, miserable life and now here he is facing a violent, miserable death.

That is, until his mysterious savior arrives.

He can't think of a time anyone had put themselves on the line for his sake. And yet here you are, as if from nowhere, in his direst moment. Curioser and curioser.

That said, he's still in shock, almost in tears. The near death experience has left him shaky.

When you explain to him that you're his spouse from the future though, the residual terror starts to fade.

Unlike Ed and Jon, he chooses to believe you right away. He's overjoyed!

The mere thought a future where he's happy and loved by someone like you fills him with a kind of hope he hasn't had in a long time.

He bombards you with questions, eager to know all about your life together.

You give him a few small details to sate his curiosity.

The majority, however, you stay quiet on. "Wouldn't want to spoil the surprise," you say with a coy smile and a wink.

The day he finally meets your present self, he approaches you right away. What reason does he have to be shy? You two are destined for each other!

He'll keep that little detail under his hat though, so to speak. You might not believe it as quickly as he had.

You find him... Odd, but his theatrical introduction entertains you. Charms you, even. So you decide 'why not?' and agree to go out with him.

He kisses your hand before he leaves. "Until then, my dear."

When date night arrives, this man woos you. We're talking a huge bouquet of roses, expensive chocolates, reciting poetry... All a bit much for a first date with a man you just met, but you find yourself enjoying the attention.

Before long, you're just as enamored with him as he is you. You guess this is what they call a whirlwind romance.

You're the eccentric couple. The type people stop and stare at on the street.

You don't care what any of them think though. You're happily and unapologetically in love.

The day he proposes is like something out of a fairytale.

He drops to his knee, declarations of love falling from his lips. At the end of it all, he produces the ring with a flourish and the most dramatic, "will you marry me?"

You agree.

"O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!" He's planning the wedding immediately.

Oh, how he wants to marry you right here and now! But, no. The big day must be perfect.

A Wonderland wedding. Wall to wall red and white roses and a long table with the most beautiful spread for the after-wedding feast.

The venue itself is gorgeous. 'But nothing, nothing,' Jervis thinks, could ever be magnificent enough to distract from the true jewel of this wedding. His betrothed.

He tells you about the day your future self saved his life. When he decides the time is right.

Imagine his relief when you believe him.

"It makes sense, actually," you tell him. Now you understand what made him approach you with such fervor so quickly.

[grimalkinmessor]

How do you feel about hanahaki AUs? either for lawlight or meronia.

I'm a complete SUCKER for almost any type of AU because I have constant "What If" brain, but Hanahaki is one that I adore in a very special way :3

I'm someone who very much enjoys one-sided attraction—REAL one-sided attraction, not misunderstandings and poor communication dolled up as it—so Hanahaki has a very special place in my heart 💕 I love the angst and heartbreak and grayed lines or morality it presents: if you know someone is in love with you and is dying because you don't love them back, does that make you responsible for their death? Are you morally obligated to try your hardest to fall in love with this person to save their life? Is the person who loves you morally obligated to keep it to themselves, so as to not burden you with the choice? Should they suffer in silence just so you can have peace of mind?

OH and the drama potential of removing the flowers removing memories?? I love that shit. Imagine going about your day and all of a sudden someone you're close to has no memory of you. Imagine becoming half of the person you were because you removed all your memories of someone you've grown up with since childhood.

Imagine going through all that just to fall in love with them again :) And getting Hanahaki again :)

Plus,,,,the flower symbolism?? Top tier shit on God. I love flower symbolism, I have a whole chart for it in my google docs like—if there's ever a flower in my fics or art there's meaning to it. I love the subtlety of it 💖

As for Hanahaki in relation to Lawlight and Meronia...I have several fics bookmarked, is all I'm gonna tell you. My preferred people to catch it are Near and Light :) Just because I see Light as a creature of eternal self-denial and Near as a creature of eternal quiet desperation.

Light would rip the roots out, again and again, without hesitation, only to find them growing back in the grooves of the ones that came before. He would never give into it and he would never be able to get rid of it completely. The fun part here is whether or not L would notice.

Near would nurse it quietly. He'd find it beautiful, proof of his own humanity, and he'd either attempt to persuade Mello to love him to the point that it drives them both mad or he'd die quietly without ever speaking a word of it to anyone. It's a fifty-fifty toss up with him. He wouldn't even consider getting rid of it an option.

BUT if I take the alternate route with Mello and L: I think Mello would go through the fifty stages of grief fairly rapidly. It's a huge toss up here whether he'd get it removed or not, because honestly Mello would agonize over it himself for a long time. Because on one hand; good. Get rid of the little shit, Mello doesn't want to have feelings for Near, and the option to control that heavy burden he carries around in him in relation to Near would look like an intoxicating sort of freedom to him. On the other hand; he grew up with Near. Near is a part of who Mello is at this point, a huge part. If he loses Near then he not only loses everything he's ever fought for, he loses why he even fought for it in the first place. Would the freedom from Near be worth the risk of not being himself anymore?

As for L...well, he's very much not a creature of self-denial. He's a creature of hedonism. Oh, he'd be pissed and sulky about it for a bit, but he compartmentalizes fairly quickly—he'd move on to one of two things. One, planning to end the Kira case before the Hanahaki kills him, and getting it removed afterward, but having to deal with it until he proves that Light is Kira. Or Two, making Light fall in love with him. Through any means necessary. He wouldn't get it removed before the case closed, however, because he'd see losing his memories of Light to be too much of a gamble in the end—in love or not, L is here to win. Again, by force if needed 💗

[rickgrimesdoingrickthings]

hc + cheating

Rick Headcanons about cheating

Cheating in general, in games and such, it really depends of the situation- he will judge someone weak minded and insecure if he catches them cheating- Rick is aware accepting defeat is part of being strong and he thinks that people who always try the easy ways in life tend to be weaker and less capable at most things, such as Spencer. Rick in general dislikes cheating and people who cheat lose points with him. Unless it's a playful situation or a silly game, then Rick will most likely join the fun and not give it too much thought. In the apocalyptic world, as the nice hypocrite Rick is, he is willing to cheat and lie to his enemies and other neutral people in order to protect his loved ones and het what he wants.

To his group, his loved ones, Rick probably will not cheat or lie. He's very honest and practical and likes to work wirh the concrete situations. It will annoy him so much if he knows the truth and can't say it, or feels like the situation isn't the best for him to say it (like in season 2 when he knows everyone becomes a walker when they die but wasn't sure yet so he refrained from telling the group to not cause more panic, and like when he arrives at Alexandria and tries so desperately to tell everyone they need to have security measures while everyone is living in a fantasy etc). Rick will also keep from telling what he knows to avoid conflict, but that's not lying or cheating per se. (Like when he knew Lori and Shane had an affair but decided to be quiet about it.).

In season 8 when he's crazy suicidal against Negan and the Saviors, Rick does lie and manipulate his friends, but only when the situation puts his own safety at stake, when he wanted to risk his own life and he didn't want others to try and stop or save him.

As for relationship cheating, romantic or friendship wise, that is the end of the world to Rick.

He's a very sensible loyal man and the bonds and relationships he forms with people are either distant casual and superficial or very deep and trustworthy- there isn't much in between that- Rick would pretty much risk his life and die for anyone he considers family. Even side characters such as Tara and Tyreese, Rick offered so much love and support once they became his family, risked his life for them and got so damn sad or mad whenever they risked their lives or died.

Since Rick is such an intense emotional and logical introvert, it takes so much for him to trust people and form bonds and open up and allow himself to be vulnerable in front of that person. He doesn't do small talk, he doesn't spend time in shallow superficial social moments- such things drain him. When he spends time with someone, when he shares love and helps someone, it's because he really means it, and if he got betrayed despite all that, it would mean so many bad things to him.

Being betrayed/cheated on makes him feel like all he did and represented for the person wasn't good enough, wasn't worth it, wasn't appreciated- since he feels so much for the people he loves, getting cheated on would make him feel unloved, as if the person had taken all those feelings and moments together and thrown away. He will feel like an idiot for trusting the person and might even regret it, closing himself even more and becoming distant. It's such an effort for him to get close to someone and bond- too much social situations stress him out, so when he bonds with someone, that bond is strong and deep- if the person breaks it behind his back, he will feel stabbed.

Rick might have a hard time understanding that relationships and feelings for others might not hit them as deep as they hit him- so to his point of view, when others cheat / betray him, it means they considered trash all the emotion, love and care Rick invested. It might be difficult for him to understand the other's point of view, the other's reasons for cheating or betraying, and it doesn't help Rick tends to avoid his emotional problems.

Just like his marriage with Lori, probably Rick was avoiding so many problems for so long that Lori started feeling really unhappy about their love life, basically begging for any reaction from Rick at all because he just kept postponing their problems. After Lori decided to sleep and have a relationship with Shane just after 2 months Rick was gone and still LIE and HIDE that from Rick- that was such a punch against his emotional heart.

The person choosing to NOT TRUST Rick, to not TELL HIM THE TRUTH (even though it's very ugly) hurts much more than the betrayal itself- because Rick is always supportive, he would always accept and support his loved ones even though they made mistakes- hiding the truth from Rick, to him, means the person is throwing all his support in the trash, neglecting all the times Rick stood on his loved ones side despite their mistakes. Rick was mostly hurt about Lori and Shane not telling him about what had happened than about them being together, Rick was mostly hurt about Lori hiding from him she was trying an abortion than actually trying it- because if Lori and Shane told him all those problems, why they happened and what they were going through, Rick would understand and support them as much as he was emotionally capable to, regardless of the pain, Rick wouldn't feel like the whole world was against him, Rick wouldn't feel like he's being fooled and betrayed by his loved ones every single day. Rick is capable of forgiving, even though he's hurting, he just hates it when people act like he's not supportive or reasonable, like he couldn't be relied on for emotional and moral support. He has the need to feel loved and supported too, when he makes decisions for the group and when he's hurt- the support shouldn't be one sided, he needs it and it doesn't help when he finds out he's being betrayed- and the people doing so keep hiding it from him. When I rewatched the series, specially season 1 and 2, it became clear to me how Rick is much smarter than he seems to be. He knows things, he just keeps quiet and observes.

Rick logically can understand that Lori and Shane thought he was dead, he can understand Lori felt scared and Shane offered shelter and safety- on the LOGICAL basis, Rick totally gets it. But on the EMOTIONAL basis it's near zero- Rick simply can't feel empathy for that- he can't emotionally swallow that- because he has so much trouble dealing with his own emotions and solving his sentimental problems- the emotion he has of revolt and hate and frustration will always be much bigger than any of the reasons of his betrayer. This is why Rick had so much hate and anger stored inside against Shane and decided to make his death personal, with a knife (confirmed by the producers of the series in interview on blu ray extras) and after it's done, Rick will use logic and morals to justify it, so he can accept it (and also convince others).

If he gets betrayed, he might forgive, he might approach the person again and rebuild the broken bonds, but he will never forget and it will take SO MUCH TIME for Rick to start expressing his love again, just like happened between him and Lori in the Prison arc. Even if Rick distances himself and acts cold, he will never stop loving the person, what makes it so hard for him emotionally.

Summary:

He's a logical, super smart, clever, sensible good, loyal emotional supportive man who will fight the world for those he loves. If he loves you, as friend or lover, he will most likely stay on your side even if you mess up bad, so it's just STUPID to betray and cheat on him. It's stupid, because he will find out, he will distance himself, it will be bad for you not having him close and it will be bad for him being emotionally damaged. So if you messed up, just tell him and apologize and at least he won't feel ultimately betrayed, hurt and unloved, he might even support you (he still will be on your side, even if he's mad) and bond again sooner. It will hurt but it will be better than keep on betraying him every day, lying while he's well aware of the truth, he's not stupid.

@wexarethewalkingxdead