#he does not consider his life worth the risk of trying to save him

[ravenw1ngs]

The moment you reflect on Tubbo’s behavior these past weeks, especially the days following the funeral, it becomes so easy to see why he argued with Phil that Forever may need to be killed this time.

Because if the roles were reversed, and it was Tubbo who was corrupted, he would rather die than live knowing he killed or hurt the kids—especially his own—even if he wasn’t the one in control.

If the roles were reversed, he would consider it kindness if they killed him.

[kittsch]

ranking cod boys' intimacy style from gentle to rough feat: 141 + los vaqueros + others reader: afab, implied different readers for each cw: explicit smut, kink, fluff, pretty tame imo but lmk if you'd like something tagged NSFW BELOW CUT * MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

1.) the gentlest, surprisingly, is ghost. make no mistake, he'll absolutely fuck the daylights out of you if you ask him to -- would enjoy it, too. but as simon riley... honestly, this man is touch-starved and nearing forty. he is tired, baby. coming home from deployment, first thing simon does is shower (knows you hate the smell of war on him), then take a fat nap with you. if you're in the middle of something, no you're not. he'll literally scoop you up and fireman-carry you to the couch or bed, whichever is closest. simon loves holding you, wants to be touching you all. the. time. his favorite way to nap is wrapped around you like a fitted sheet; skin on skin, nose in your hair as he breathes in the scent of your shampoo. loves it even more when, later, he gets to wake you with soft, open-mouthed kisses on your neck; the flat of his palm sliding down the gentle swell of your tummy, cuping you through your sleep shorts. simon likes you best like this. how you just... melt into him, still sleep-sodden and docile. it's one of the few things that feels right in his life. chemically, cosmically, karmically (somehow--simon doesn't think he'll ever feel like he earned this. you. that he'll ever really deserve to be yours). he takes his time; fucks you slow with his fingers, savoring your muted whimpers as he grinds into your clit with the heel of his hand. to simon, watching you come apart in the firm circle of his arms is kin to a fresco on a ceiling; a sliver of the divine, and he, a sinner, doomed to watch heaven from afar. but by some small miracle, you offer him salvation. when you cum, it's with his name on your lips, so round and lush with love, and fuck--if that isn't the thing to save him, then nothing will.

2.) second is rudy. sweet, sweet boy. he sees you barefoot in a sundress one time. one. that's all it takes to precipitously shift the trajectory of his life to one where he wifes you up and makes you a mother, in that order. you're the first person he's ever envisioned having children with -- the only one he thinks knows will be worth risking everything for. and once that mental picture settles in his mind, it’s all he can think of. it becomes his sole mission to get you under him and fill you with him til it takes. rudy is a missionary guy through and through--wants to see that pretty face, cariño so he can watch your cheeks and chest flush when you're about to cum. and the cute way your lashes flutter ("como alles de pollila, mi amor. fuck--") as he bottoms out in your sweet pussy, stretching you so good. and you're always so good for him -- wrapping your legs around his waist and tilting your hips to take him deeper, deeper. but god help you when he succeeds in knocking you up, you���re never getting a moment alone. consider rudy glued to your side for the foreseeable future. can’t seem to keep his goddamn hands to himself, either. doesn't matter that you’re uncomfortable and prickly and prone to random bouts of inconsolable crying at the worst moments. he takes it all in stride. his love is steady, solid. once, you blurt out something to the effect of i'm never going to be attractive again, my body is gonna be ruined by the end of this. and rudy (after a beat) laughs. pulls you forward til your face is buried in his chest, cradles you there when you try to squirm away. tells you he's literally so attracted to you right now he feels like he should be on some sort of list. he's watching you build a new human being inside your body. you're fucking powerful. he can't imagine anything sexier.

3.) next up is könig. from jump, he adores you; the way you smolder at the edges, the unwavering bite of your tone. kleine katze, such pretty claws you have... and he's perfectly content to settle for admiring you from afar; but where others shy from him instinctually, finding his size and perpetual quiet off-putting, you don't. seem to gravitate towards him because of it. you touch him with a gentleness that should feel foreign, but actually feels like home. this man is fucking gone for you. loves you in a way that irreparably and fundamentally changes him. may or may not have cum more than once to the thought of you: hips bucking desperately into the clench of his own fist. but he knows precisely nichts about romance, even less about flirting. has no idea you've been trying to get his attention for months. ultimately, you have to make the first move. and you do--crawling into his lap one night in a grimy off-grid safehouse after a mission went the wrong kind of sideways. when you draw up the mask he goes rigid, tense; but he almost lost you today. (thought for one endless, horrific moment that he had.) so he lets you pull back the mask--lets you see his face. and when you finally kiss him, it pulls a kind of sound out of him the likes of which he's never made before. a desperate, animal keen that claws at the walls of his chest. and könig's a gentle giant, but he is giant. you're both too hasty the first time; too desperate for closeness to prep properly, so it hurts when he bullies his cock inside you. he's significantly bigger than any of your previous partners -- twice as thick and several inches longer -- and by all rights shouldn't fucking fit inside you, but you're both tenacious enough to make it work. könig is certain salvation resides in the gummy clutch of your cunt when you take him to the hilt; shuddering as you cum around him from nothing but the way his cock stuffs you full and the pressure of his calloused thumb on your clit. it's so unbelievably hot, he cums on the spot; not needing friction or movement when he has you clenching down on him like that, scheiße. after, he takes care of you--holds you close to his chest til your breath evens out and you slip into the dreamless, black pool of sleeping.

4.) alejandro, my love. truly a man of passion. it's a long process seducing you, and he enjoys every minute of it. loves finding new ways to get you to blush almost as much as he enjoys fucking you til you're blubbering and cock-stupid. almost. he likes the idea of having a family with you, but is less pernicious about it than rudy. he knows how he feels about you; is confident it'll happen someday. that said, this man's breeding kink knows no bounds. the mating press was built for him; the perfect mix of intimacy and intensity, where he can look you in the eye as he ruts you so deep you can feel him in your fucking throat. also the most likely to suggest expanding your sexual horizons. frankly, alejandro is bisexual as fuck. loves the idea of you getting railed by another man (perhaps rudy, winkwonk) while he watches; loves the idea of you taking the both of them at once even more, but it's always about you. your comfort and pleasure is paramount, and he'll go to unfathomable lengths to make sure your needs are met. happy wife, happy life, he says, hauling you into a deep kiss when you point out that you're not technically married, yet.

5.) alex is the perfect equilibrium of rough and gentle. initially respects you as a colleague, maybe a friendly acquaintance. internally, he finds your competence and no bullshit attitude deeply attractive, but he's a consummate professional; would never put you into a position where you'd feel unsafe (outside of the obvious dangerous shit you already do). and then--he sees you shoot a gun. the way your body slides liquid-smooth into weaver, the easy roll back into isosceles in the recoil... it gets him so fucking hard so fucking quick. he has to physically remove himself from the range and rub one out in a bathroom stall, images of those firm hands pumping his weeping cock pulling him over the edge. images that don't fade, to his chagrin, even after the initial arousal is dealt with. every time he sees you, it just... pops back up, so to speak. he keeps it locked down as best he can, but fails pretty comprehensively at doing so. alex finally breaks after catching one too many recruits staring after you when you walk away (fuckin' animals--only he's allowed to do that). he seeks you out when you're both off the clock and ends up fucking you on top of one of the washing machines in the base's communal laundry room. the epitome of soft dom, comes pre-programmed with an obligatory daddy kink that you absolutely abuse to get your way. takes you out to nice restaurants seemingly for the express purpose of fucking you in the fancy-schmanzy bathroom. honest-to-god almost passes out when you choke on his cock for the first time; begs like his life is on the line for you to do it again, please, please--oh, fuck baby, yes. that experience reveals two truths to him: one, that he might be a switch, and two, that he might just have to marry you.

6.) now, keegan is a pretty tough nut to crack. it's hard to read him initially, even without the mask--but once you pick up on his tells, he's an open book. and that book wants you upended on the couch within seconds of you both entering the room. initially its just sex; a shared need to vent some frustration and stress. keegan is very private, mostly due to social discomfort and introverted tendencies. in the early days of your relationship, it manifests as him keeping you at a distance. for the first few months, he only ever kisses you when he's balls deep, and leaves after a five-minute come down. you rectify this through sheer persistence and charm. it's clear to you (far sooner than it is to him) that he's weakest to you when you give him big, sweet doe eyes and ask real pretty. this little trick works particularly well when you're riding him slow over the course of an hour, grinding down each time he bottoms out, til he's shuddering and begging you to please go faster--ah. f-fuckin' hell, kid, you're so tight, so good, fuck. when he cums, it's with a crackling whine of your name that pulls the knot of heat in your belly, sending you over after him. then, exhausted and fucked out, he falls asleep with you in his arms. he's still there the next morning when you wake, expression open and lax as he watches you wake. it's the first time you see keegan without reservations, when you realize he's got a gentleness to him--a kind of poet's sensitivity meant for libraries, museum archives, and the kinder side of nature. all overwritten by force to survive, to complete his mission. once you've seen the cracks in his mask, there's no going back for either of you. very quickly, your relationship shifts from distant and transactional to deeply personal; a tenderness blooming in the same garden as the newfound dedication to one another. keegan doesn't say I love you for a long time, but you know he does--you feel it in the way his dark eyes find you in a crowd, always seeking your familiar shape. you feel it in the way he presses your bodies flush from tip to tail while he's fucking you, when being inside of you isn't close enough. you feel it when he, for the very first time, asks you quietly if you'll stay the night with him, because he sleeps easier when you're there. so you stay--the night, and all those that follow.

7.) oh, gaz. such a mischievous little shit. your friend from your training days, you two scrap like puppies over anything and everything. banter is the cornerstone of your relationship, one-upping being a close second. you delight and infuriate one another in equal measure, bickering amongst yourselves til one of you takes a swing at the other. price has reprimanded you both multiple times for horsing around, but you're never in any real danger--you work too well together. there's a kind of shared consciousness between you; a base-level understanding, two wolves hunting in tandem. still, ghost refuses to let either of you sit together on the heli; not since that one time your game of grabass devolved into full-on grappling on the tarmac. ultimately, one of your little tiffs goes too far; ends with you both laid out on a training mat, groaning into each other's mouth as you grind your hips together through your clothes. you both pretend it didn't happen for maybe a week--then it happens again. and again. and again. being 'together' is never something you actually discuss with kyle. it just... happens. much to the chagrin of your lt and captain, the bickering actually increases when you two get together; becomes more like foreplay you can get away with doing in front of your superiors. and if this man isn't an absolute goddamn menace when it comes to exhibitionism. when he wants you, doesn't matter if you're in the middle of a meeting. fuck it--it's happening, and it's happening now. very playful in and out of the bedroom, likes teasing you in every sense of the word. he edges you so long sometimes you nearly kick him in the head when he finally lets you cum. there's my girl--oh shi--ah, haah, good fuckin' girl. he's largely aloof when it comes to his emotions--not the best at verbalizing how he's feeling or what he needs. so instead, he shows you. he shows up every. single. time. kyle's your friend before he's your lover; your partner in (war) crime(s). he's always got your six, you've always got his, and what is love if not someone who'd die (and live) for you?

8.) soap proudly describes himself as a pleasure dom, which is mostly true. but he's got serious switch potential. which you know for a fact because fuckin' hell, does that boy whimper somethin' pretty when you throat him juuuuust right. he's such a 'tits' man, it's crazy. loves to hold you close, feel your breasts smashed against his chest while he drives deep into the tight clutch of your cunt. but most of all, soap loves being on his knees for you. this man definitely moans while he eats you out, tonguing your pussy like it's a mouth. he feels big in every sense of the word--in sex, in love, in anger. and make no mistake, he loves you deeply. you two have some serious yelling matches, storm about slamming doors til the neighbors threaten to call the feds, but it's just your way. you're both headstrong and stupid; arguments are bound to happen, and any unresolved hurt feelings get a solid patch-job from the frankly earth shattering makeup sex that follows. like rudy, soap wants a big family with you, and he knew early. actually doesn't tell you just how early til years down the line. how after your first official date, he called his ma and asked if she'd send his nan's ring, please? because he's pretty sure he just met his future wife. said ring which glitters on your hand now, as you reach over and flick his forehead teasingly. tell him he can stop trying to romance you, you're already married. and could he grab more diapers on his way home from work?

9.) as are all things with graves, your sexual relationship is about power. he's an asshole in the worst way--condescending, smug, underhanded, sneaky in his sexism so you always look like some hysterical woman when you retaliate. the kicker? it turns you on as much as it pisses you off. he's happy to string you along, work you into a lather just to leave you high and dry. lord help you once he gets a taste of you--bending you over his desk and cramming you full of his cock with precisely zero prep. he kisses you, loves you, fucks you like he hates you. because he kind of does--he just wants you more. graves loves it when you cry, wipes your tears with his thumb before forcing it into your mouth. coos when you offer your neck up to him--yeah? want my hands on ya that bad, sugar? gonna be a good girl for me, hm? fuck yeah you are--and proceeds to make you cum so hard you black out. your 'relationship' (which it is; ring on your finger a year in, a little one on your hip not long after) is intense. toxic. would be just downright miserable if it wasn't so fucking hot. you cling to each other with gouging force; a livid-blue kind of love, painful and permanent. he carries a picture of you in his wallet: a small polaroid of you in your wedding dress, ashing a cigarette with one hand while the other flips the cameraman (him) the bird.

10.) and the roughest of them all: price wants more than to love or fuck you -- he wants to possess you. he's so tightly controlled everywhere else in his life (has to be for his work), doesn't seem the type to lose his head over a bird. but when he meets you, something shifts. you're soft. impossibly good. flippant and stubborn as a mule, sure -- you drive him up the fuckin' wall with your headstrong antics. (so goddamn petulant. so sure you're fuckin' right.) but war and death hasn't stained your world, left your indomitable spirit unsullied and intact. which, unfortunately, means you haven't gotten a thorough education on the importance of discipline. price wants to consume your disobedience; crack your rose-tinted glasses under his heel, roll the ambrosia of you in his cupped tongue. he'll do more than make you fall in line -- he'll make you want to do it. it's really just a matter of time before he acts on it. when he does, it's decisive. unsubtle. he crowds you up against the door of your flat on a sticky summer night, brandy on your breath. sinks a hand into your hair, holds you steady as he brings your mouths together with bruising intensity. he fucks you before he ever makes love to you; sinks his teeth into the velvet of your shoulder as he crushes you flat to the tabletop using just his bodyweight. snarls low when you keen wordlessly, overwhelmed and empty-headed at the deep burn-sting of his cock stretching your pretty little cunt, the lewd slap of his thighs against your ass. he batters you til you're not sure what's sweat and what's tears; til your skin bears a mural to his cacoethes, all blue and purple like a deep west sunrise. til there's not a person alive who won't be able to see you're his. always have been, always will, right dove? go on--tell him. tell him who this pussy belongs to.

written by kittsch, do not repost. not to be used for bots nor AI of any kind.

[miss-musings]

"You Weren't Loyal To Me": How Crosshair's Brothers Absolutely Failed Him in "The Bad Batch" Season 1

I know I'm not the first person to make these arguments, but after recently rewatching "The Bad Batch" Season 1, I feel compelled to play Devil's Advocate and assert that Crosshair's brothers absolutely failed him in Season 1.

Now, don't mistake me. I don't believe Crosshair was 100% in the right. Once he regained his free will -- whether he actually removed his inhibitor chip, or whether his injury on Bracca deactivated it or lessened its impacts -- he definitely should've left the Empire the first chance he had.

I imagine he was trying to make the best of a bad situation, but I don't see why he would stay with an organization hijacked his mind and ordered him to kill his family, civilians and other people who were trying to do the right thing.

But, I don't think his brothers -- I'm excluding Omega because she's a child and was following everyone else's lead -- are 100% in the right either.

I believe Crosshair's brothers basically abandoned him.

CROSSHAIR'S GREAT INSECURITY?

Now, I understand that they didn't initially plan to abandon Crosshair. But, once they knew he was being mind-controlled and especially once they knew how to undo its effects, they never even considered going back for him.

We never see them debate trying to save Crosshair. They don't discuss whether it's feasible, whether it's worth the risk, how they would even attempt it, etc.

I think this was a much-needed moment that we never get to see. In fact, as others have pointed out, we don't really get much discussion about Crosshair at all.

He's their brother. He's been by their side from infancy through their time as cadets through dozens of missions. Why aren't they more upset about him turning against them? Or being mind-controlled by the Empire?

They seem so blasé about it. Like it's more of an inconvenience than a tragedy, especially by 1.12 "Rescue on Ryloth." Like "Ope, Crosshair's here. I bet he's gonna try to kill us again."

As I'll discuss more later, Hunter gets captured on Daro, and Omega loses her frickin' mind. Even Echo, Wrecker and Tech seemed distressed too, even if the show didn't focus on their reactions as much.

But, Crosshair's mind and body get hijacked by the Empire, and nobody seems to give a shit.

No wonder why Crosshair felt so betrayed and said everything he does in 1.15 and 1.16. It probably confirmed something he always felt, or always feared:

That he was the odd man out in his squad -- the last to be included and the first to be excluded.

That they never cared about him as much as he cared about them.

Based on experiences in my own life, with friends and coworkers, I do wonder if Crosshair was always insecure about his standing within the group. This makes sense given that he's likely the youngest of the four original brothers, and that as a sniper, he isn't always in the middle of the action like they are. His personality doesn't really help either, but his brothers seem to be able to navigate it just fine in their "The Clone Wars" Season 7 arc.

Maybe this is partly why he seemed OK with Echo joining the squad at the end of TCW arc: because he felt like Echo would become the new 'odd man' considering that he didn't grow up with the Bad Batch and wouldn't know Crosshair's brothers like he does.

It's been a while since I watched TCW Season 7, so maybe I'm wrong.

But, I definitely think this is partly why he resents Omega so much in Season 1:

The Bad Batch -- mainly Hunter -- decided to risk their lives and their freedom to go back to Kamino for Omega. She might've been their "little sister," but they'd known her all of one day and Hunter still decided it was worth going back for her.

Yet they never went back for him.

Hell, as far as we the audience know, they never even considered it.

I'm not saying it would have been easy or risk-free. They also now have Omega in their care, and trying to extract Crosshair from Imperial custody while all parties involved would be trying to kill or capture them isn't an easy undertaking.

But, as I'll talk about more later, these guys do rescue and extraction missions all the time. They put their lives on the line for complete strangers several times in Season 1 to save them from Imperial custody, slavery, etc.

And I'm not saying they were wrong to do those things. It was objectively good that the Bad Batch saved the people they did.

But, I can absolutely understand why Crosshair would be infuriated that his brothers take on all these missions to help complete strangers but never bother to help him...

ANALYZING THE BATCH'S DECISIONS BASED ON THE SEASON 1 TIMELINE

I understand that, before he confronts them in the hangar in 1.01 "Aftermath," that they were planning to go back for him. And that they were forced to leave him behind because he was literally gunning for them. And -- as far as his brothers knew -- he was doing it of his own free will.

However, in 1.02 "Cut and Run," Omega tells them about the inhibitor chips, implying that that's how Crosshair is being controlled.

Then in 1.03 "The Replacements," we see that Tech is building a device to locate their inhibitor chips, and Omega tries to tell the Batch and specifically emphasizes to Hunter that Crosshair has no control over his actions. Hunter admits that he's angry at himself for leaving Crosshair behind, and Omega reassures him that they'll get him back someday.

So, it seems like -- at least in Omega's eyes -- the Batch was planning to save Crosshair at some point. And, Hunter at minimum feels guilty for leaving Crosshair on Kamino, even though they didn't really have much of a choice at the time.

However, the Batch gets sidetracked in 1.04 and 1.05. First, they need supplies; then bounty hunters are after Omega; then they need intel on who's after her and why.

Then, by the events of 1.07 "Battle Scars," we see that they've fallen into a routine of doing jobs for Cid. It's safe to assume they've done -- or at least attempted -- a dozen jobs for her at this point, based on Wrecker and Omega's 20 orders of Mantell Mix.

And then Rex shows up and tells them point-blank that the clones can't fight the inhibitor chip's effects, re-emphasizing Omega's earlier point that Crosshair had no control over his actions.

The Batch then experiences this firsthand with Wrecker, whose chip activates before they can extract it. We see that, even with Wrecker fighting the chip's effects with all his might, he endangers his brothers and was *this* close to killing Omega, before Rex stunned him.

Now, we have confirmation based on both Rex and Wrecker's experiences that removing an active chip restores a clone's free will.

Thus, by the end of 1.07 "Battle Scars," the Batch definitively knows:

Crosshair is being controlled by an inhibitor chip and is being forced to do the Empire's bidding;

How to remove an inhibitor chip; and

That removing a clone's active inhibitor chip will restore his free will

And yet, despite all this knowledge, the only effort they make to save Crosshair is to tell him about the inhibitor chip.

They don't attempt or even discuss possibly stunning him on the artillery deck and taking him with them.

But, admittedly, this isn't the best time to attempt a rescue, as they're outnumbered and essentially trapped aboard the Jedi Cruiser. And then Omega gets captured by Cad Bane and Hunter gets shot, and the others are desperately trying to get off Bracca before Crosshair & co. shoot them down. Fine. Getting off Bracca safely and then trying to find Omega should be their priority.

But, once they recover Omega on Bora Vio, and their lives aren't in immediate danger anymore... this would've been the perfect time to at least debate going back for Crosshair.

Again, they have all the information needed at this point.

As for how they find him, well, I'm sure they could get the information somehow. Or they could just cause a stir somewhere so he'd show up to arrest them again, like he did on Bracca.

But, no, they just continue doing jobs for Cid in 1.10-1.13. They don't bring him up at all until they see him on Ryloth in 1.12 "Rescue on Ryloth," and again, the tone is like, "Well, Crosshair is here. That's annoying."

If not being able to locate him was the only reason they didn't try to save him after 1.08/1.09, that argument doesn't apply to 1.12 "Rescue on Ryloth." He's there. They know he's there. They're already there doing an extraction job anyway... why don't they just grab him too???

Yes, there would be additional risks, but YOUR BROTHER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY THE EMPIRE AND FORCED TO DO ITS BIDDING, AND YOU DON'T SEEM TO GIVE A SHIT!!!

Which brings us nicely to:

THE DOUBLE STANDARD

Throughout Season 1, but especially in the latter half, we see The Batch putting themselves in harm's way for complete strangers, or at most, friends-of-friends.

They rescue Muchi the Rancor and other people from enslavers; they extract the former Separatist Senator from Raxus; they extract the Syndullas from Ryloth; they break Gregor out of the Imperial base on Daro.

In the latter three cases, the Batch went to Imperial-occupied planets and an Imperial base, despite all the risks involved. And, especially when they saved Gregor, they had very little information going in and basically just winged the entire thing.

It just feels like, when you look at all these cases, any argument the Batch could make for not saving Crosshair just falls apart.

"We didn't know where he was." He was on Ryloth -- grab him then.

"We didn't have enough information." You didn't on Daro, and you still snuck into a heavily fortified Imperial base to rescue Gregor.

"Everyone there would've been trying to kill us." You literally extract/rescue people from Imperial forces for a living...

"It would've endangered Omega." Well, buddy, have I got a story for you...

You see, when Hunter falls on Daro and gets captured, the Batch still comes to his rescue despite knowing it's a trap AND THEY BRING OMEGA WITH THEM!!!

Every excuse they could've made for not saving Crosshair sooner is gone. The Batch will literally run into a trap for Hunter, and they constantly throw themselves into danger to save Omega, but they never do the same for Crosshair.

It really feels like such a double standard.

They seem to care about everyone BUT him.

Plus, sadly, there's one more parallel I can draw. One more instance where the Bad Batch put themselves in harm's way to save a fellow clone who was being mind-controlled by their enemies in an attempt to kill them...

Echo.

Yes, remember all the way back in TCW Season 7, when we find out that Echo is the one behind the algorithm that's giving the Separatists an advantage in all these battles?

Even though Rex thought Echo was dead, the minute he suspects Echo's still alive, he goes after him. He even punches Crosshair over it, after Crosshair bullies Rex for leaving Echo for dead at the Citadel.

One of the "regs" went back for his brother despite knowing he was being mind-controlled by the enemy and forced to attack them.

Rex, Anakin and the Bad Batch save Echo from a terrible fate. They extract him from the Separatists, restore his free will and essentially give him his life back.

Yet, when the exact same thing happens to one of their own, the Batch don't even consider going back for Crosshair the way Rex went back for Echo -- hell, the way they went in for Echo too, even though they didn't know him!!

SOME CONSIDERATIONS

I will give the Batch this: once Crosshair confronts them on Kamino and Hunter stuns him, Hunter decides not to leave Crosshair behind this time. And that was even after Crosshair refused to say when he had his chip removed. So, for all they know, he might've been acting of his own free will when he tried to kill them on Bracca.

While taking Crosshair with them at the end of 1.15 was a step in the right direction, I don't think it was enough to make up for everything they failed to do.

And, while he doesn't specify exactly what, Hunter later admits to Crosshair in 3.05 "The Return" that he has regrets too. And considering the context and the timeframe they're talking about, it's possible Hunter regrets not going back for Crosshair sooner/at all, among other mistakes he's made. (Story for another time.)

I'll also give some consideration to Wrecker, who was the only one of the brothers who said he actively missed Crosshair in 1.03 "The Replacements." Tech mentions Crosshair very flippantly a few times, and Echo doesn't really mention him at all.

(EDIT: Looking back now, Echo *not* talking about Crosshair is such a weird choice. Shouldn’t he of all people know what it’s like to be mind-controlled? To be weaponized by your enemy and forced to kill your loved ones?)

(ANOTHER EDIT: I was rewatching 1.14 “War-Mantle” today and this line stood out to me:

Echo: If there’s a chance that trooper is being held against his will, we have to try to get him out.

I realize that being imprisoned is different than being mind-controlled and actively hunting down you down, but it’s still weird that Echo of all people doesn’t seem to give a flying eff about Crosshair’s situation while practically begging Hunter to rescue a clone they’ve never met.🧐)

Obviously, we'll never know for certain, but I do wonder how Crosshair would've reacted if his brothers had rescued him and removed his chip at some point. Would he have stayed with them? Would he have wanted to rejoin the Empire voluntarily?

Considering he (supposedly) had his chip removed and still stayed with the Empire willingly in-universe, it's possible he might've wanted to do the same thing in an AU where his brothers rescued him.

He definitely despised that they were fugitives and "scavenging like rats," while he had authority, respect and purpose as a soldier of the Empire.

But, I think a large component -- although not the only one -- of why he stays with the Empire is that he felt like his brothers abandoned him. He brings this up several times in 1.15 and 1.16, and the way he does indicates this is a major sore spot for him.

We see in 1.01 "Aftermath" that the chip enhancement procedure is painful. He scrunches his face, flexes his hand and squirms around in the chamber. Plus, the machine itself looks similar to the Mind Flayer from other "Star Wars" properties.

Crosshair was literally being tortured by the Empire. Maybe he doesn't recall that once the procedure's done, but we see him getting his chip enhanced in both 1.01 and 1.03, and it's possible it was enhanced even more times off-screen.

I cannot stress this enough: the Empire basically took Crosshair prisoner, tortured him and hijacked his free will.

And his brothers essentially did nothing to save him.

It would be one thing if his brothers were civilians like you and me, and didn't know the first thing about how to infiltrate an Imperial compound or how to navigate a firefight despite being outnumbered.

But, that doesn't apply to The Bad Batch. That's literally their bread-and-butter.

And Crosshair -- especially once he seems to regain his free will between the Bracca and Ryloth arcs -- watched his brothers risk their lives to save complete strangers while doing nothing for him.

I would've been livid too.

Not to sound like Tech, but while I don't agree with Crosshair's decision, I can understand why he decided to stay on Kamino rather than go with them at the end of 1.16. His brothers offered him no real comfort and no real apology, and I think he desperately wanted to hear that, especially from Hunter.

I know after everything that's happened -- especially Crosshair refusing to say when he had his chip removed -- that it would've been hard to admit their mistakes. But, Crosshair wanted to hear something beyond: "You can come with us if you want. And if you don't, we don't have to be enemies."

The closest thing to comfort any of them offer is Omega affirming that, despite everything, she still cared about him. This seems to be the only thing that really effects him, that causes him to doubt his decision, that causes him to show any kind of emotion beyond anger.

I legitimately believe that if someone had talked to Crosshair one-on-one for like five minutes, and really showed how much they still cared about him and always did, that he would've rejoined them.

Granted, it's really hard to tell.

Crosshair has, as Tech said, always been severe and unyielding. Plus, he really suffers from this "in for a penny, in for a pound" kind of mindset, which is partly why he stays with the Empire for so long even after regaining his free will.

But the fact that all his brothers leave him on Kamino again so effortlessly, so easily is just tragic. No final goodbye. No hug. No nothing.

For all any of them know, this could be the last time they ever see each other. (And, for Tech and Crosshair, it was.)

I know it wouldn't have been easy after everything that's happened, but for crying out loud, I just wanted them to try.

And I imagine Crosshair did too.

IN CONCLUSION

Honestly, I think the TBB writers and producers purposely never gave us a scene of The Batch debating whether to go after Crosshair, or a scene of them outlining to us the audience why it wasn't possible even though they wanted to.

I think the creative team wanted us to sympathize with Crosshair when he says "You weren't loyal to me," while also arguably giving our protagonists a weakness to overcome later.

This really seems like the case if we look at Season 2.

Once the Batch finds out Crosshair's being detained by the Empire's Advanced Science Division in 2.14 "Tipping Point," they immediately start discussing whether and why they should try to save him, even after everything that happened between them in S1.

On top of that, this time they actually decide to do whatever it takes to get him back, despite limited intel and the imminent danger behind such an undertaking.

I think the Batch genuinely learned from their mistakes in Season 1 and, as Hunter maybe alludes to in 3.05 "The Return," regretted not going back for Crosshair sooner/at all after the Empire started controlling him.

I'll admit: I think when I first watched Season 1, I was basically in the Batch's corner. Crosshair was gunning for them at every opportunity, and Omega's well-being quickly became their priority (understandably so).

But, after rewatching Season 1 -- especially now that the show is over and we see how everyone's arcs play out -- it really hits me just how much Crosshair's brothers failed him in Season 1.

Again, I'm not saying Crosshair didn't make mistakes too. He definitely did.

But Crosshair's brothers failed him first.

AN ADDENDUM

(EDIT/UPDATE:) Since writing the above, I've stumbled across a few other posts of people making the counterargument, saying they believe Hunter was in the right and don't appreciate the hate he gets for not going back for Crosshair.

People are more than welcome to make that argument. I think that kind of debate just shows how nuanced this show and its characters are, because you can make valid arguments for both sides.

And to clarify, I don't hate Hunter (and the others) for not going back for Crosshair in S1. As Hunter says later in 3.05: "Nobody really understood what was happening back then." It was a chaotic time -- for the galaxy and their family.

In the span of one episode, the Jedi are exterminated; the war ends; the Republic is reorganized into the Empire; the clones' future role in the galaxy is questioned; and when CF99 refuse to kill civilians, they're declared traitors and arrested.

And to top it all off, Crosshair is acting strange AND they find out they have a little sister who's in danger.

So, when Crosshair seemingly betrays them, and they barely escape with their lives, it's understandable that the Batch's first move is just to get their bearings and figure out their next steps.

And, of course, all the dominoes fall from there.

So, while I definitely don't hate him and I understand why they don't go back for Crosshair initially, I am disappointed in Hunter.

If the writers wanted me to be on his side and understand that it was basically impossible to go back for Crosshair, then I needed a scene showing/telling me why they can't. Or I at least needed a scene proving that they care about him, because based on what we actually got in Season 1, I tend to fall on Crosshair's side when he argues his brothers didn't care about him the way they clearly care about Hunter when he's captured.

You can certainly make arguments that, because Crosshair's their brother and he knows all their strategies, strengths, weaknesses, etc., that he's even more dangerous than all the other Imperials they might face. Yes, definitely. I argue that's all the more reason to try to save him.

Yes, there would be risks. But, if you succeed, not only do you lose a very dangerous enemy -- one who knows you inside and out -- but you would (hopefully) regain a teammate.

Imagine you're in Hunter's shoes and your sibling -- or if you don't have one, a really good friend who feels like a sibling -- gets taken captive and mind-controlled by an evil organization. Wouldn't you try your damnedest to get them out? Or at the very least, wouldn't you be sad about their situation?

Rewatching 1.03 "The Replacements," there's an interesting scene that's probably the closest we get to a real discussion about Crosshair -- how they feel about him, whether they miss him, whether he really betrayed them or was being influenced by the chip.

@laughhardrunfastbekindsblog did a great analysis of each character's reaction, which I recommend you read at some point.

I want to take a quick look at it too, starting with the brothers looking at Omega with Crosshair's weapon kit like she just knocked over Grandma's urn or something.

It feels like, for the first time, they're starting to let themselves process what really happened. This is their first real chance to mourn losing their brother.

Tech wonders whether Crosshair's actions were influenced by his inhibitor chip, and Omega basically confirms that theory. Wrecker is excited by the possibility that Crosshair didn't willingly betray them, but Hunter very quickly shuts the conversation down, saying they have other problems to tackle first.

While he's not technically wrong, Hunter pulls out the "raincheck card” too frequently in Season 1. And subsequently, a lot of the topics that come up in conversations keep simmering in the background while the Batch does other things until they're FORCED to confront them.

This scene is the perfect example of that. The Batch didn't mention Crosshair except in passing in 1.02, and it's only when Omega finds his weapon kit that they are FORCED to talk about him. (EDIT: Check out the 3:45 mark of this video on 2.09 “The Crossing” for more examples.)

I get the sense that Hunter's reaction in this scene, plus all the distractions that come up later, is why the others never really bring up Crosshair again, except in passing. It's a sore subject for Hunter, and they all tend to take their cues from him, especially this early in the show. Plus, they're probably still processing their own feelings, so they might not be ready to bring up the topic.

One last thing from 1.03 I want to note is that, later in the episode, Hunter is telling Omega about his and his brothers' enhanced abilities, and he automatically excludes Crosshair from the list.

It really feels like Hunter -- and the rest of the squad by extension -- labeled Crosshair as a lost cause very early on. That it was a given that he was their enemy now and there was no real chance of getting him back (unless he came to his senses on his own like Howzer and other clones later do).

This might be why they're so shocked when he reveals he removed his chip, because they were hoping that once he "woke up" that he would come back to them. Wrecker even says as much to Crosshair in 1.16: "We still would've taken ya."

Ultimately, I think the characters had differing perspectives on who had the responsibility in the situation.

It seems Hunter and the others took a very passive approach. They told Crosshair about the chip when they had the chance, hoped he would "wake up" on his own, and would've accepted him back if he had.

But, Crosshair feels they should've taken a more active approach. He's hurt that they never came back for him, whether to save him or to join him.

(EDIT #2: I realize that by 1.15, at least, Crosshair seems to be arguing that they should’ve come back to join him in the Empire. He might be making that argument, but I’m saying his brothers had a responsibility to try to save him, and in that regard, I believe they failed.)

This is essentially the exchange Hunter and Crosshair have in 1.15:

Crosshair: They don't leave their own behind, most of the time. Hunter: You tried to kill us. We didn't have a choice. Crosshair: Hmm. And I did?

And, as I said before, based on everything we saw in Season 1, I tend to side with Crosshair.

Hunter made mistakes -- never talking about Crosshair and shutting down the others when they did was a big one. He never addressed the elephant in the room until he HAD to, and by then it was basically too late. And, of course, it seems the others took their cues from him.

As the leader, it was his job to -- at some point when they weren't in immediate danger -- introduce the topic and ask the others for their thoughts about Crosshair, especially once they knew how powerful the chip's influence was and once they knew how to remove it.

But, he didn't.

If the writers wanted me to side with Hunter when he says "We didn't have a choice" -- especially given the double standard I discussed earlier -- I don't think they gave me good enough reason to.

However, I think that's ultimately why the writers did what they did.

Both Hunter and Crosshair made enough mistakes in Season 1 that you can argue all day about which one of them failed the other more, which makes the show and characters all the stronger for it. Because neither one is 100% in the right or 100% in the wrong.

I just wanted to play Devil's Advocate, and try to explain why Crosshair felt like he did, and why I believe he was (at least partly) justified.

So, feel free to continue debating it, but I at least believe that Crosshair's brothers failed him first.

[kikyoupdates]

For Tomorrow's Sake ⭑˚💫⭑ 𝑢𝑛𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑜𝑟

various!jjk x f!reader

reverse harem, isekai, jujutsu kaisen x fem!reader, slowburn

You never believed reincarnation was possible, least of all in the fictional world of Jujutsu Kaisen. However, from the moment you meet Gojo Satoru, it’s impossible to deny. Whether it’s a miracle or some kind of curse, you find yourself growing up alongside the strongest jujutsu sorcerer. Unfortunately, you know what the future holds in store. You know exactly what kind of tragedies await. Perhaps that’s why you were brought into this world. If it means saving people from a gruesome fate, you’ll gladly suffer in their place. You’ll do whatever it takes.All for the sake of a better tomorrow.

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Satoru can’t believe what he’s hearing. Out of nowhere, you’ve got a Binding Vow? And not just any kind of vow, but one where your life literally hangs in the balance?

For obvious reasons, he doesn’t take the news well. 

“What’s wrong with you?!” he exclaims. “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard! Why would you ever risk your life like that in exchange for more power? I already promised to protect you! It doesn’t make any sense!” 

“But it’s worth it,” you simply reply. “I wasn’t strong to begin with. I probably would only have been able to exorcize weak curses anyway. Most people are strong enough to do that as well. This way, if someone ever happens to get hurt, I can at least do something to help. I won’t be useless anymore. I thought long and hard about this, and I realized it was the best option.” 

“The best option…?” Satoru blinks in disbelief. “How could this ever be the best option? You said that if you hurt anyone, you’ll die instantly!” 

“Only if I hurt them with my cursed energy.” You square your hands upon your hips and proudly puff out your chest. “Binding Vows have loopholes that you can exploit. You just have to be careful with the phrasing. I’m not allowed to hurt anyone with my own cursed energy, but I never said I couldn’t hurt people with cursed tools, for example. And even talismans. I plan on training so that I can use weapons properly. See? Isn’t it the perfect plan?” 

He supposes that’s true. You did specify that you would only die if your own cursed energy happened to harm someone else. Technically speaking, there’s no rule that you can’t fight through other means. 

Even so, he’s terrified. Because this could easily go very, very wrong.

“In your Binding Vow, you said that if you were ever to hurt someone else with your cursed energy, you would die, instantly,” Satoru weakly grits out. 

“That’s right,” you nod. 

“And you say you don’t plan on using your cursed energy at all, but you plan to fight with weapons instead. The only time you’ll use cursed energy is to convert it into positive energy meant for healing. Which obviously doesn’t inflict harm on anyone, so you’re safe.” 

“Yep!” 

Satoru’s expression darkens. 

“So, then… what’s considered harming someone? What kind of injury do you need to inflict on someone in order for you to have broken your vow? Does it have to be intentional? What if you’re just trying to defend against an attack, by strengthening your body with cursed energy, and the moment an enemy makes contact with you, you die? Inflicting ‘harm’ on someone might just be using some kind of cursed technique against an enemy, if you ever develop one of your own. Or even just restricting their movements with cursed energy. Anything can be considered harm. The target doesn’t necessarily need to be bleeding or injured. If your Binding Vow is as serious as I think it is… if you let your guard down for a single moment during a fight, your life could end. In the blink of an eye.” 

This vow you made is absolutely insane. He could very well be overthinking things, but regardless of how slim the odds are, if you slip up, even for a fraction of a second, there’s a good chance you’ll die.

The thought of losing you makes him sick to his stomach. 

“I get what you’re saying, and I agree,” you nod. “I don’t know what exactly could be considered ‘harm’, according to my vow, which is why I’ve decided I’m better off not using cursed energy at all. Or, the bare minimum, at least. I’ll only use it to defend the most important parts of my body, like my heart or brain. Otherwise, I won’t risk it. I’ll take whatever damage is dealt and just heal myself back to normal afterwards. I’m going to train to suppress my cursed energy as much as possible, and only use it for healing.” 

Satoru buries his face in the palms of his hands. “Ugh. I don’t feel so good. Seriously, what’s wrong with you, [Name]? You’re insane. I just… I don’t understand why you would do this. I’m the strongest. I’m always going to be by your side. So, why?” 

“Because I want to protect everyone. Including you.” 

Satoru flinches a bit, and he slowly pries his hands off his face, freeing up his eyes so that he can look at you again. As always, you’re smiling. Despite the horrifying vow you’ve just made, somehow, you’re smiling brighter than ever. 

“I’m the last person that would need to be protected,” Satoru frowns. “You should already know that. I’ll be the one to protect you, not the other way around.” 

“I know. It’s incredibly unlikely that you’ll ever need my help. But on the off-chance that it ever happens… at least I’ll be ready.” 

It doesn’t make any sense. Satoru adores you, but he’ll never understand what goes on in that head of yours. There’s no reason for you to go to such lengths. There’s no reason for you to risk your wellbeing for anyone else. The knowledge that you’re going to be perpetually in danger from now on fills him with dread, but ultimately, it doesn’t change what he set out to do. 

He will protect you, no matter what. 

And even though he obviously doesn’t know it yet, you will do the same for him. 

“You may be smart when it comes to school, but I guess I was right all along about you being dumb,” Satoru huffs childishly. “Only super dumb dumbos would make a dumb vow like that. [Name], you doofus. Now I’m going to have to clean up your mess.” 

“I didn’t make a mess. Oh—unless you’re referring to how I accidentally stained my kimono with blood. Do you think the clan members will get mad at me?” 

Satoru lets out a heavy sigh as he shakes his head. Sure enough, you’re dumb. But it’s okay. It doesn’t change how he feels. 

He will cherish you for the rest of his life. 

“A Binding Vow?” 

“Supposedly. It sounds hard to believe, but she’s awakened the ability to convert cursed energy into positive energy.” 

“What kind of vow would permit such a thing?” 

“Well, if I’m to believe what I’ve heard, she apparently staked her life on it. She will die the moment she uses her cursed energy in order to inflict harm onto someone else. Master Satoru has been in a terrible mood ever since he found out.” 

Yet again, you’ve become the talk around town. Or rather, the talk around the estate, you suppose. The details don’t really matter. Point is, you find yourself as the center of attention once more, but it seems as though things are finally changing for the better. 

When everyone discovered how smart you are, they started thinking a bit more highly of you. Still, even then, you were still held mostly in contempt, because you’re a weakling. You’re permitted to stay by Satoru’s side, but only because he demands it. If not for his orders, they would have kicked you out ages ago. Actually, they would never have let you come live here in the first place. 

However, now, your value has just increased exponentially. Being academically gifted doesn’t mean much for a jujutsu sorcerer. It’s certainly better than being an idiot, but ultimately, it doesn’t make you any less weak. 

You may still be weak in a lot of different ways, but for the first time in your life, you have a rare, valuable ability, coveted by all. 

Reverse cursed technique. 

Not many are capable of such a feat. Even among the current Gojo Clan members, there’s nobody that can heal injuries. Healers aren’t commonplace in the world of Jujutsu Kaisen, and their rarity makes them that much more valuable. If everyone had the ability to heal, exorcizing powerful cursed spirits would be significantly easier. It would also increase the survival rate of jujutsu sorcerers as a whole. 

Up until now, everyone apart from Satoru has treated you like dirt. Everyone has scorned you, tossed you aside, or ridiculed you for your weakness. But it seems as though finally, the tables are turning. 

Finally, you have some actual worth. 

People look at you differently now. You’re no longer an afterthought, or a throwaway. Of course, you’ll never be able to compare to Gojo Satoru, but still. You have a purpose now, and everyone is forced to acknowledge it. 

“I’m not sure how you came up with such a Binding Vow, or how it even worked, but at least you’ll be able to make yourself useful now,” one of the clan members remarks. 

Satoru wraps his arms around you as he glares up at them. “[Name] was just fine before. She didn’t have to do any of this. She doesn’t need to be useful. She’s my friend. That’s already more than enough.” 

“Yes, of course,” they reply insincerely. “What I meant is that it’s good for her. She always said she wanted to help people. Using reverse cursed technique is one of the surest ways to do that. She wouldn’t have had much fighting prowess in the first place, so this is a fitting alternative. Isn’t that right, [Name]? You want to prove yourself as a jujutsu sorcerer too, don’t you?” 

Their tone is still somewhat condescending, but you don’t really care. It’s a step up, in any case. Besides, you’ll show them. You’ll prove them all wrong. 

When all those tragedies are set to occur… you will be the one to change fate.  

“I want to get stronger,” you nod. “I’ve already decided what I want to do. I need to train with cursed tools, so that I can at least hold my own against curses. If I’m too weak, I’ll just die instantly—even without the conditions of my Binding Vow. And then I won’t be able to save anyone. So, I need to at least be strong enough to keep myself alive. It’s the bare minimum.” 

“We can help train you, but you will be relying exclusively on cursed tools, without the use of your own cursed energy. We are all sorcerers, first and foremost. Nobody here depends wholeheartedly on cursed tools. It’d be an embarrassment.” 

They’re basically saying that there’s no one here who would be as strong with weapons as, say, Maki, because she can only use cursed tools. She has no cursed energy of her own to draw from. The Gojo Clan has many elite sorcerers, who’ve mostly devoted themselves to raising and training Satoru, but none of them are weapon specialists. You suppose it’s a pride thing. Relying on cursed tools is mostly for novices who still haven’t learned to control their own cursed energy. 

Well, whatever. You’ll just have to make do with what you have. 

“I need to get used to cursed tools, and I also need to learn to suppress my cursed energy,” you say. 

The clan member arches a brow. “Why? Your cursed energy is scarce enough as it is.” 

“Um, so that I don’t die. Just to be extra safe. The conditions of my vow are that I’m not allowed to hurt anyone with my cursed energy, and I’m not sure exactly what falls into that category. I think it’d be better to avoid releasing cursed energy. As much as possible.” 

“Hm. Sorcerers don’t leak as much cursed energy as non-sorcerers do. You’re worried that by some chance, you’ll accidentally hurt someone, as weak as you are? I don’t think it’s likely. Not to mention that you seem terrible at controlling your cursed energy in the first place, but… fine. You may as well try. If your goal is simply to suppress your cursed energy, rather than manipulate it and use a technique, it should be feasible. Even for you.” 

“Train her properly,” Satoru insists, squeezing you close. “I don’t care how unlikely it is that she’ll hurt someone by mistake. It could even be a 0.0001 percent chance. You have to train her to make sure it doesn’t happen. If you don’t do a good job… I swear you’ll regret it.” 

He’s not even seven years old yet, but something about the way his pale blue eyes widen, coupled with the darkness that flickers through them, is enough to make the clan member unintentionally step back. 

“O-Of course,” they hastily nod. “I’ll train her thoroughly. Everyone will offer up their help. She can learn from whoever she thinks is best, whenever she wants.” 

Satoru smiles, seemingly pleased. You never thought that elite sorcerers would bother investing their time in you, of all people, but life is funny that way. 

Your training begins. Not so much with cursed tools, because none of the clan members are especially proficient with them, but every day, you make strides towards learning how to suppress your cursed energy. Suppression is a form of control, and since you have minimal talent, it goes without saying that it isn’t easy for you. 

Even so, you make an effort. You decided a long time ago that you will never, ever give up. 

All for the sake of a better tomorrow. 

“How’s it going?” Satoru asks, plopping down next to you. You’ve just finished your training for the day, and so has he. 

“I think… a bit better,” you mumble hesitantly. “I’m not very good at controlling my cursed energy, but suppressing it seems to be working more than when I was trying to use it myself to crush cans and stuff. It’s going to take time, though. Until I actually get the hang of it. But I already knew it would be a long process, so it’s okay.” 

“Hm. I see. Well, don’t give up. This is about making sure you stay safe, after all.” Satoru shifts closer, then glances down at the plate beside you. “Oh, you’re eating dango? Awesome. Who’d you get to make this for you?” 

He reaches over to pick up one of the dango skewers, and without thinking twice, he happily pops it into his mouth.

Only to spit it out while screaming bloody murder. 

“Ew!” Satoru exclaims. He splutters onto the ground, frantically wiping at his tongue. There are small tears forming in his eyes. “This is so… what even… what the hell is this?” 

“Dango covered in oyster sauce and tabasco,” you calmly reply, and you even pick up a skewer of your own and munch on it with a bright expression. “Pretty good, right? I made it myself.” 

“Something’s seriously wrong with you,” Satoru groans. He clamps a hand over his mouth, face turning green. “Ugh. I’m gonna throw up…” 

“Satoru, I’m starting to think that you might be a picky eater.” 

“I’m not! You just eat all kinds of disgusting things!” 

You shrug, clearly unconvinced. You may very well have some misshapen taste buds or something. Not that you really care. 

“...oh. Is that bird okay?” 

You set your dango down and point off into the distance. There’s a bird lying on the ground, and you didn’t notice it at first, but it’s not walking around or even moving much. One of its wings occasionally twitches as it lies on its side. 

“I think it’s hurt,” Satoru replies. “Maybe it crashed into something while it was flying and fell down.”

That’s all you need to hear. You rush over towards the bird in a hurry, with Satoru following closely behind you. It is hurt, the poor thing. It must be feeling incredibly overwhelmed and afraid. 

“It’s going to be alright,” you mumble, gently cradling the bird in your hands. It starts twitching even more, clearly distressed by what it perceives to be a sudden threat, but soon, its discomfort fades away. 

You furrow your brows, focusing hard, as you heal the bird’s wing back to normal. The bird doesn’t react at first. It looks surprised, somewhat. Surprised by the fact that the pain disappeared. 

It finally realizes that everything’s okay, and without wasting another second, it takes off, flying high into the skies above. 

“I did it,” you say, slightly breathless. Not because of exhaustion, but sheer awe. “I… finally helped. I know it's not a person, but it’s still a living being. I can really help people. I can take away their pain.” 

“Not even I know how to use reverse cursed technique,” Satoru nods. He leans closer to you and rests his head against your shoulder. “To be honest, I’m still upset about your Binding Vow. It’s risky, and it scares me. I wish you’d never made it in the first place. But… I guess this suits you. Healing others. It’s kind, like you. It just makes sense.” 

You’re not quite sure how to respond, so you just lean your head against his own, unable to contain your smile. 

“Satoru, look! Watch me catch all these snowflakes in my mouth.” 

You tilt your head backwards, up towards the sky, as you proceed to stick out your tongue in a rather unflattering fashion. Even though you can’t see yourself right now, you figure that you probably look pretty ridiculous, but you don’t care. To be honest, it’s nice being a kid again. It’s nice acting all innocent and carefree—for as long as you can. 

Satoru frowns. “What’s the point of doing that?” 

“I’unno. Ish jus fun.” 

“Don’t talk with your mouth hanging open like that. You’re making a really funny face. If anyone else was here, I bet they’d be laughing at you.” 

You close your mouth, relishing the feeling of more cold snowflakes melting against your tongue. “If it’s funny, you can laugh. I don’t mind.” 

“I’m not going to laugh because I don’t want you to feel embarrassed.” 

“Really? But you make fun of me all the time.” 

“True. I guess I’m making an effort to hold back right now.” Satoru pauses for a few moments, only for a crooked grin to spread out across his lips. “Anyways, since I didn’t laugh at you, that means you’re not allowed to laugh at me, either.” 

Just like you did earlier, he angles his head towards the sky and opens his mouth, allowing countless snowflakes to fall onto his tongue. You watch, with a bright smile, as he bristles at the novel sensation, and within seconds, he’s laughing uncontrollably. 

“Whoa! This feels weird,” he laughs, and even though it’s not the first time you’ve heard the sound of his laughter, it makes you happier than you can put into words. 

“Satoru, you told me not to laugh, but you’re the one who can’t seem to stop,” you muse. 

“I just didn’t know what to expect. Look! I’m watching way more snowflakes than you did. It figures I’d be better, though. I’m always the best.” 

He wipes a hand across his mouth and grins proudly. He sure likes to brag. Well, not that you didn’t already know that, but still. 

“You’re not always the best,” you feel compelled to point out. “I’m still smarter than you. Well, when it comes to academic stuff, at least. You still like to call me dumb, for whatever reason.” 

“Because you have no common sense.” 

“Yes, I do.” 

“What kind of person in their right mind dips grilled squid into peanut butter?”

“Someone ahead of their time, obviously. It’s called being avant-garde, Satoru. But I bet you’ve never even heard of that term before. That’s why I’m the smarter one.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.”

Satoru laughs again as he pulls you into his arms and hugs you with all the might his little body has to offer. Without the use of cursed energy, of course. Otherwise he would’ve flattened you in no time. 

It’s a nice, snowy day. You’ve always liked winter. It can get cold and uncomfortable, to be fair, but you just like the aesthetic of it. It’s so pretty seeing everything covered in snow, a shade of white so pale that it’s practically translucent. You like the way rays of sun dance across its surface, and sometimes, you swear it sparkles. 

As far as you’re concerned, today is a normal day. Well, as normal as any day possibly can be, when you’re living with Gojo Satoru. These kinds of silly, mundane moments have become commonplace. You don’t even question any of it anymore. On paper, it sounds absurd that you’re catching snowflakes on your tongue next to the strongest jujutsu sorcerer, and yet, this is reality. 

“Come on,” Satoru says. He finally breaks away from the hug, but only to offer you his small, seemingly fragile hand. 

Naturally, you accept it without a second thought. 

You walk with him, hand-in-hand, on the way back to the Gojo estate. However, what you fail to realize is that today isn’t a normal day. Something is set to occur, and with it, your life is about to get even more interesting. 

All of a sudden, Satoru is turning his head to look backwards. You don’t realize what caught his attention. Maybe a stray cat, or something? That’d be surprising. It’s pretty cold, so most animals are definitely in hiding right now. 

What you find, however, is most certainly not a stray cat. 

Fushiguro Toji is standing behind you. 

He looks surprised that you and Satoru have even taken note of him. Of course he is. After all, according to him, this was the only instance in his life when someone took note of him, without him purposefully revealing his presence. So, today must be the day he stopped by to get a look at Satoru for himself. And you’re here to witness it in the flesh. 

“That guy’s clearly spying on us,” Satoru says, narrowing his eyes. “I don’t know who he is, but I hope he’s not stupid enough to try anything.” 

You don’t respond. Actually, at this point in time, Toji must still be part of the Zen’in Clan. He hasn’t taken his wife’s last name yet. Not that it really matters. His sudden appearance has sparked something inside of you, and all of a sudden, ideas fill your mind. 

Toji. A force to be reckoned with, despite not possessing a single drop of cursed energy. He’s unbelievably powerful. The only reason he died in canon is because he went up against none other than Gojo Satoru, and even then, it was awfully close. If he’d lived, there would be no shortage of powerful foes he could defeat. 

Due to his resentment for the world of jujutsu, he will eventually leave the Zen’in Clan and become an assassin. The so-called Sorcerer Killer. 

And one day, he will become the reason for two characters’ demise. Amanai Riko and Geto Suguru, respectively. 

Toji is Riko’s killer. Not only will he assassinate her, but in doing so, he will set Suguru on a path of resentment. Suguru’s hatred for non-sorcerers was triggered by Riko’s death, and further perpetuated by other tragedies, such as the death of Haibara Yu. 

But what if none of that were to happen?  

What if… there’s a way to stop Toji from becoming a murderer?

“[Name]?” Satoru blinks, but before he can even process what’s happening, you’ve already let go of his hand and started running towards Toji. “Hey, wait! Stop it! What are you doing?”

It may very well be hopeless. You know that. You intend to save as many people as possible, but you also shouldn’t bite off more than you can chew. Toji isn’t the type of person who would readily change. Not only that, but he’s dangerous. He could probably flick you with his finger and you’d split in half. 

Nevertheless, you’re going to give it a shot. 

“I said, stop!” Satoru cries out. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you back, but you’ve already gotten quite close to Toji, who’s staring down at you with a look of mild bewilderment. 

Satoru looks ready to pick a fight, going so far as to bare his teeth as he meets Toji’s dark, piercing gaze. He keeps his arms wrapped around you, protectively, ready to strike at any given moment. It’s a good thing he’s here, because it makes you feel a lot safer. Especially with what you’re about to do.

“Mister,” you begin, peering up at Toji with big, innocent eyes. “You don’t have any cursed energy. Not even a little. But… you seem strong. Really strong.” 

Toji blinks. He’s not the kind of person who’s easily caught off guard, and yet, he has to admit that he wasn’t expecting something like this. 

It’s faint, but you notice a smile pulling at his lips. 

“Really?” he muses. “You’re right. I don’t have any cursed energy. So, why do you think I’m strong? I’ve only ever been told the exact opposite, all my life.” 

“Um, I don’t know. I don’t really know how to explain it, to be honest. I just feel like… I can tell. I can tell you’re super-duper strong.” 

“[Name], stop it,” Satoru urges. He keeps tugging on you, and he refuses to take his eyes off Toji, even for a moment. “Let’s just go. I don’t know what this old fart’s deal is, but he needs to mind his own business.” 

You’re about to make a gamble, and the odds are most certainly not in your favor. 

Still, you’ve already decided that no matter the situation, no matter how seemingly insurmountable the obstacles are, you have to at least try. 

And so, you shall. 

“You look strong,” you repeat, facing Toji with a bright, determined gaze. “I’m not strong. I’ve been weak all my life. So, I want to change that. I’m willing to do whatever it takes.” 

It probably won’t make much of a difference, but even so, you smile. 

“...will you help me become strong, like you?” 

More chapters are available on Quotev and Ao3!

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[wuucchoo]

Jujutsu kaisen: the good and the bad

Hello!!! I'm out here making essays about jujutsu kaisen once again! And this is most likely the last one I'll make on it :3

((This is a (almost) 4k word rant, read at your own risk >:3))

So, the manga ended - and as far as I can tell, people’s opinions on it are pretty much divided. I personally found it extremely unsatisfying for many reasons, but I'll start with the ‘good’ things first.

THE GOOD

Jjk is a story that's a battle of ideals as much as it is a battle of techniques and fists. And, based on my understanding, the ending that gege chose to go for is the one where no one was actually proven right or wrong. Everyone's ideals and way of life remained the same from the beginning of the story to the end. 

Yuji, who's ideal is to save people as much as he can, was able to do that to the very end. Yes, there were hiccups - like the moment where Megumi had to remind him what his ideal was when he almost gave up after the Shibuya incident, but he got back on track right after he heard what Megumi had to say. And so he remained the person he was from the start by helping Megumi and also trying to help sukuna too. His character is pretty straightforward so it's very easy to understand it.

Sukuna, whose way of life and ideal is to live for himself in whatever way he wanted to, did just that to the very end. He refused yuji's offer because he'd rather die than live on someone else's terms. And in the afterlife he only considered trying a different path if there's a next life where his options would possibly be different than what he had in the life he knew. A possibility of a different life, a different path - yet still on his own terms, like he always did. He didn't regret the way of life he chose, he lived the only way he knew how based on the options presented to him in that life. And if there is a next life, he wouldn't mind trying out another path depending on what his supposed next life would have in store for him - as long as he does it on his own terms, and not living through what someone else's version of happiness was. He remained steadfast with his belief and ideal until the very end.

And megumi! I have a lot to say about him so brace yourself to anyone who might read this :3

At first, I thought (after that ending) that his character was all about him wanting to live and letting other people into his life once again and all that shit idk. But now, after cashew (from twitter!) explained their interpretation of the ending I see it in a different way (but slightly the same still).

Megumi’s character from the beginning to end has always been about loving selflessly in a selfish world. As a young child, he had viewed himself as nothing but a commodity, a bargaining chip his father left behind - and his value was in the technique he was born with because that's how every adult in his life has treated him. Gojo went to find him because of his technique, the school accepted and helped him out financially because of his technique, the Zenin wanted him because of his technique - just, every adult who could have made a difference in his life failed him because whether they did it on purpose or not, all of them made it seem like Megumi’s value is only ever in his CT.

Yes, Toji was happy when he found out that Megumi kept the Fushiguro surname because of the implication that he was never sold into the Zenin - but that hardly made an impact on Megumi’s perception of his worth because he never knew who Toji even was. To the very end, Megumi’s father was ‘the dude who sold him to the Zenin as a bargaining chip’ for him ((which i hate btw, but we’re talking about ‘the good’ right now so that rant can wait :3c)). And so, as a kid who was made into thinking that he’s just a commodity - he poured all the love in his heart to the one person who loved him just because its him, which was his sister. And in so doing, he became a person who puts someone else’s happiness above his own at all times. 

Gojo tried to get that out of Megumi by telling him to ‘be greedy/selfish’, and he did try to do that during ‘origin of obedience’ where he acquired a domain - not because he wants to save someone else, but because he wants to defeat the finger bearer in front of him. And that was just the one time, moving forward - everything he did has been for someone else again. He almost slipped into the deep end when he almost killed Remi just because he can that one time, but Tsumiki (or the idea of her) stopped him. This made me think that if Tsumiki doesnt exist Megumi would have been so powerful ((and yet evil too at the same time, something to think about i guess))

In a world that rewards selfishness he chooses to be selfless and keep other people's happiness above his own - because to him seeing the people he cares about happy is what peak happiness looks like. So when sukuna tried to manipulate and shame him for everything that happened while he was possessed - he didn't entertain it, instead he decided to do the thing that got him into this mess all over again - to live for other people once again. Living for the sake of Tsumiki’s happiness, trying to save her in every way possible as much as he could, was not a stupid mistake - that's why he will go and do it again. Despite all the pain and suffering it caused him, he will try to live and love again (I'm talking love in its broad definition btw) - because loving Tsumiki wasnt a mistake he should learn from, but a memory he will cherish. 

From the very beginning, Megumi’s ideal was to save people unequally because he's not a hero, and he never tried to be - the best way he can think of living his life is to pick and choose who to save because he can't realistically save everyone. And so, this - as well as the first thing I mentioned - was his truth and he stuck to it to the end. And he did have a moment when he gave up on that, after sukuna succesfully wore down his soul through all this careful planning and risks he took from the moment he got interested in megumi. Possessing him in ch 212 (at his most vulnerable and confused moment), performing a bath ritual to drag his soul even further than it already was, killing Tsumiki so Megumi loses any semblance of hold he might have had even after doing the bath ritual, and then using his likeness to fight sorcerers. Yet despite being the one with the most reason to curse sukuna in death, he decided, not just to live his truth, but tsumiki’s as well - by choosing to think about the people he cares about instead of cursing those who wronged him.

In the end, everyone lived and died by their own truth and ideals, and no one was proven right or wrong. ((gojo, yuta and many other characters too had their ideals challenged but never proven right or wrong - but i dont wanna talk about too many characters or this would go on for days))

Looking at it this way, the ending was 'good' in its own right (and as a concept) - but the road that led up to it, and the execution for most of the scenes left a lot to be desired.

THE BAD

While I do see what gege seems to be trying to say with his story, that doesn't mean I agree with it nor do I believe that such an ending was 'earned' when the build up that led to it was lacking in so many ways.

I agree that the world isn't black and white, and no one has the answer on what the right way to live life truly was - but the villains in his story went beyond being ‘bad’, they were clear and pure evil. And yet we see zero comeuppance - both kenjaku and sukuna didn't get the karma they deserve. Because, as it seems, with all the Buddhism values and themes gege borrowed - in the world of jjk karma isn't real, or at least not for the villains. ((And nope, what naoya and the zenin went through wasn't karma - what they experienced was vengeance, imo, more than it was karma.)) That's why Megumi felt like such an incomplete character, because to complete him the way he deserves would be to answer that karma is real.

Despite all the evil things both sukuna and kenjaku did - we instead see them both rewarded (REPEATEDLY)  for being evil. 

First, kenjaku.

Most people would probably agree that kenjaku is the main villain in the story, despite how the second half of the culling game turned into mostly about sukuna - it was kenjaku's master plan that started all of this. And kenjaku was evil. Pure and unapologetic evil. The things he did to choso's mother alone, warrants him an end worse than death. He lived his long life doing nothing but make other people suffer, all for the sake of curiosity and wanting to be entertained.

And yet the ending we all saw him get was a happy one - dying with a smile on his face because finally after years of living he was finally entertained - and it all happened because he decided to play with people's lives and start a death game.

He was rewarded for being evil.

Playing with the lives of other people was not presented to be as bad as it should be when the villain who committed these crimes didn't even get their comeuppance and was instead rewarded. Just to put into perspective, kenjaku REPEATEDLY forced someone to be impregnated so he can use the cursed children for his experiment. And that is just a tiny drop in the pool of heinous stuff he did. He is beyond evil.

While his way of life and ideal was not proven correct; it wasnt proven as wrong either. Because he didnt get even an ounce of the suffering he induced onto others, instead he was rewarded with a satisfying death. Putting into perspective everything kenjaku did, its pretty insane that he got to have a death where he could have a smile on his face and be satisfied. Gege went out of his way to create an op character (with an op technique that barely got an explanation) out of nowhere with takaba just so kenjaku can have fun. This is what i mean by evil gets rewarded in gege’s story. ((i mean just look at what happened with mei mei vs what happened with nanami. Gege rewards bad people, a lot of the time. And i guess in nanami’s case it can be argued that its coz to gege, death itself is a reward, but i digress.))

And then there’s sukuna.

Where do I even begin…

Maybe at the beginning, to make things easier.

Remember what Sukuna said the first time he reincarnated? He was looking for the 'women and children' celebrating how 'it would be a massacre' - this statement from him suggests that he, not only fights people who challenges him ((like what was implied with his dialogue with Kashimo)) but he was also actively seeking out people leagues weaker than him just for fun or as sports. Which was why the minuscule lore drop we got about him by the end felt really jarring to read - especially when it came from Mahito's mouth. A character who (as far as we knew in the story) barely even knows himself, let alone Sukuna. And yet, for the sake of making things just speed up and over with, we are just supposed to believe that he knows enough about Sukuna to say that his reason for being the way he was was because of 'revenge to the world' 😭. Where did Mahito learn that? When did he learn that? We don't know, so we just gotta accept and sit through Gege's 'tell not show' way of telling a story.

Sukuna is evil, and just like Kenjaku he was not apologetic about it nor does he regret it. Every path in his life he chose was that of the evil route - there was no grey area, there was no question on whether his way of life was good or not. It was evil, plain and simple.

And yet the story Gege wrote kept rewarding him for being evil.

And it seems as if all the innocent people he killed (for no reason!) doesnt matter.

Despite how bullshit it was - he was able to steal an innocent kid's body using a binding vow that should have had him killed (or worse) and yet it did nothing to him. He was rewarded for being greedy. He then had the time of his life fighting gojo, I don't count the jumping that happened later on as him having the time of his life coz it seems to be just a major annoyance to him. And then later on died with the option to walk a different path in the next life. In itself, it sounds great - but looking at the destruction he caused... Where's the karma? 

There's none, because gege doesnt seem to think he deserves it. 

I really really disagree with this message ngl. Coz the characters in gege's manga holds more sympathy to the perpetrators than the victims themselves - and I just can't agree with it  ((coz wdym gojo tried his best 'to reach sukuna'? That shit came out of nowhere.. Like,, why was he more concerned if sukuna had a good time? This wouldnt feel so jarring and out of place if Gege took the time to flesh out the characters more. if he gave us a moment of Gojo sympathizing with sukuna before the fight, before the culling game, before Shibuya. Meaningful character interactions between Gojo and Sukuna, a convincing one, that would make it make sense that Gojo's goal when he was fighting Sukuna was to, apparently, 'reach him' and 'make him understand'. The ending we got doesnt feel 'earned' because this whole time gege never gave us anything about Sukuna's character aside from 'he's very strong and he kills people' until the last two pages of the manga.))

For gege to go with this theme and messaging, he ended up disregard Megumi's character completely and reducing him into this character who had zero feelings on the matter that directly affected him. Yes, he was apologetic and all that - but... That's it? And while i do understand (i think) what it was Gege was trying to go for with Megumi's character, the execution of it just felt so half baked and lackluster - making Megumi's character feel incomplete despite the amazing build up Gege made for his character.

((A similar thing was done to yuji's character for the sake of the 'messaging' gege aimed for, but i will get to that later.))

Sukuna's statement of 'there are consequences to being greedy' never came to bite him in the ass, despite how much it should've considering all he has done- because everything he does gets rewarded. It's like, being that evil is good coz he keeps on getting what he wanted. And like a dumbass I kept on waiting for karma to get him and it never did. Coz karma isn't real in gege's world. ((and no, him being defeated is not karma because the only thing it did is lead him towards the path of redemption - like, the victims dont matter and what matters more is the psyche of the perpetrator. I dont know if i described it properly, but eh.))

Sukuna bets his life with a binding vow? He gets rewarded with the body he wanted with zero consequences - doesn't matter that gege had to go through a MASSIVE plot hole just to get there. Because in no universe was the thing he did to Megumi (and to hana) not considered ‘harm’, but it all got shoved under the carpet because gege doesnt know what to do with that. Gege needed that binding vow to not punish Sukuna, so despite the established rules he wrote in his own story that warrants that binding vow penalty to trigger - it just didnt... because??? If it was coz 'yuji didnt include himself in the people that cant be harmed', as Sukuna guessed, then i guess yuji didnt include Megumi and Hana in it too? But doesnt that neglect the point of yuji's character as being 'kind'? 212 was a massive plothole and i think thats really where the writing began to get... bizarre.

Sukuna kills yorozu/tsumiki just to drag Megumi further into the abyss? He gets rewarded with a weapon that (surprise, surprise) saved him from higuruma's CT. A CT that before that moment, he doesn't even know about. Good thing killing tsumiki's body rewarded him with a weapon, amirite?

Sukuna never fails to show his hatred for Yuji and would always try and make him suffer whenever he gets the chance? He gets rewarded by Yuji suddenly giving him an option to live again even though the entire story Yuji had always said he would kill sukuna. And i understand its coz yuji was able to know sukuna has a soul ((coz gege gave him the power of the mc punch)) and was able to conclude that he’s still human despite the HEINOUS crimes he committed, and megumi having been possessed by sukuna the longest was able to see that sukuna was desperate to live too - so i do see where gege was going with it. It just feels like the build up towards that conclusion wasn't earned, because even though it can be understood it just wasnt SHOWN to us. All thats being done is TELL and never SHOW.

Everything sukuna does gets rewarded and it just doesn't sit right with me. Its like saying the war criminals are just lashing out coz the world wronged them, that they deserve sympathy too. Okay, and what about the people they wronged, tho? Sukuna deserves sympathy for the world that wronged him, sure, but it doesnt absolve him of the crimes he committed - he deserves karma just as much as he deserves sympathy. And yet we see him walking away from everything he did with a smile on his face, zero regrets, zero repercussions and the possibility of living a better life in his next. ???

the ending

((Im sorry in advanced if youre a yuji fan coz im gonna say something you might not like 😢))

Imagine your sister got killed by someone and then your classmate comes in and says they forgive your sister’s murderer and wants to give them a chance at a better life? That this classmate of yours would be willing to turn his back on everyone else just so this criminal who killed your sister (and so many others in cold blood) can live? That even if no one else is willing to, he would give solace to this murderer - just so this murderer gets his second chance? What would that feel, you think? Thats a pretty weird scenario you might say, but thats exactly what Gege made yuji say and do by the end there.

Gege tried to portray 'kindness' with that speech yuji did, but ((imo!)) he ended up making yuji's character sound insensitive and cruel not just towards sukuna but mostly towards his victims and to all the people that died trying to stop him.

In itself, maybe in Gege's head - it sounds like a "good" thing to say - but when you look at the chapters that happened before that, its not something yuji nor sukuna earned because yuji was not sukuna's only victim and he wasnt the only one who defeated sukuna for him to decide and say all that. Knowing the things we know about the story that led up to that moment, gege just made yuji sound selfish and cruel - by having zero regards to everyone else's sacrifice and suffering. Which is a very weird thing for gege to do because before that moment, yuji was talking about the people who died - and then disregards that in the next chapter just so gege can write those lines.

Yuji's character is far, FAR, from selfish and cruel, and yet that speech gege made him say to the dying sukuna unfortunately made him sound like that.

This would all land better IF we saw yuji SEE sukuna go through the life he had during the heian era - like maybe what he went through was enough of a reason for someone like yuji ((who was supposed to be kind)) to suddenly offer all that, knowing damn well the amount of people who would possibly be hurt by that decision.

Im really not digging gege's exploration of good and evil - coz he almost always rewards evil and make good people suffer (with zero payoff, mind you). This 'trying to understand the villain coz he's human too' route just fell flat because we were never given the chance to understand sukuna except in the last 2 pages where he was given vague lore drops - and a statement from mahito who, before that moment, doesnt even know anything about sukuna except that he's strong. How and why the world 'wronged' him, we'll just never know, coz instead of showing us, gege kept on just 'telling' instead. But i guess for the sake of just ending the story we all just gotta accept that mahito, of all things, somehow knew of sukuna's reasons. lmao?

And the reason why i keep referring to the lines as 'Gege made this character say this and that' is because by the end, and even in some chapters before that, the characters lost their identity and are instead talking through a script gege made them say. Yes, a story is essentially that - but a good story is where characters feel alive and are speaking through their own soul which the last 5 chapters of jjk lacked tremendously. The characters felt like they were locked in a fixed role gege chose for them, and then they were given scripts to say, and then they were all rushed to say those lines because of tight deadline, and they have to say those lines just so the story would end. I know i dont make sense... but it probably would make sense to anyone who have read a good story where characters actually feel alive and not just there as the author's mouthpiece.

I know this is gege's first series, and its bound to have some flaws - drawing and writing a story weekly requires immense skill and discipline, i respect his craft a lot. Its why the disappointment i felt was great, because the story in the first half had such a good thing going and so i placed such a high expectation on it. Still, for his first series, its not bad... I probably wont be looking forward to his next series though, i find im not the biggest fan of this writing style that leaves a lot of things unresolved and just lets the readers write their own headcanons to fill the void.

((if anyone read up here, uhhhh hey there! thank you for reading my (almost) 4k word rant lmao, i actually have more to say but ee.. there's too many. This is my last rant on jjk (probably) feel free to fight me on this, one thing i wont back down on is the plot hole in 212 - that was a stinky plot hole and we just went past that like, damn..))

bye for now!

[affogato-analysis]

Tea as a representation of power imbalance in Arcane

Spoilers from Arcane season 2! we’re talking worldbuilding and Piltover/Zaun politics under the cut. (concrete spoilers from arc 1, not necessarily much from the rest of the season)

One thing we can’t take from Arcane, no matter what grievances we may have with the resolution of the political situation in the 2nd season of Arcane, is the worldbuilding of oppression (by which i mean the representation of political, economical and cultural oppression of Piltover on Zaun).

There are many examples of that throughout the show but i just want to point out the use of tea as a signifier of wealth.

When Ekko and Heimerdinger sneak into Jayce’s lab and the Akademia, they do so because the firelights’ tree is sick. Not much at this point of the show, the branches or the trunk are not affected as far as we know, it merely lost a few weird looking leaves.

And it is very much cause for concern when the only tree of the Undercity, the source of the only clean air of Zaun, is sick! It’s concerning enough that one of Piltover’s most wanted — Ekko — and the recently fired former councilor and professor take the risk of sneaking up into Piltover and the Akademia (in the middle of an upcoming war situation and in the wake of Caitlyn’s ascension to power).

(worth noting that Cait’s assault, using the Grey that has been choking Zaun for years already, parallels that narrative: Ekko and Heimerdinger try to save the fresh air of the firelights, Caitlyn suffocates them into toxic gas. Where Ekko’s tree and the community around are a bastion of life and resistance against Piltover’s oppression, Caitlyn and her enforcers are brutally attacking the zaunite population and perpetuating violence against the Undercity.)

(yeah you get two pictures because this entire scene is insane art-wise)

So! After Ekko climbs out of Zaun into Piltover, still injured and with a dying tree on his mind, how does Jayce welcome them (after some confusion)? He offers them tea. Essentially dried leaves bath water.

Tea isn’t a precious resource either, considering the rate they drink it at and how easily he proposes some to Ekko, while Ekko so obviously’s never had any.

So.

Ekko risks his life to save the leaves of his tree and Jayce welcomes him with an abundance of dead leaves, of plucked and dried and killed leaves.

Do you see it? The way one’s vital and urgent need isn’t even a preoccupation to someone else? Ekko needs that tree to breathe, Jayce doesn't even consider that one might not have clean air. Even if that person is his own neighbor.

And it’s a fairly good representation of Jayce’s approach to privilege: he just doesn’t realize. He’s not evil, he doesn’t mean to hurt anyone, but he is so far gone he doesn’t see, he doesn’t know what Zaun is like. He doesn’t understand because he never cared to look into it because he’s never been made to.

Jayce is the Man of Progress, at the heart of Piltover. He’s blind to Zaun’s suffering not because he means harm but because he doesn’t see, because he doesn’t pay attention.

(There are other ways in the show where Arcane uses nature as a signifier of wealth and power, i’ll probably write on it)

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

life's not fair, but it could be (not old enough ch. 7)

pairing: leon kennedy x reader

cw: masturbation, idk? surprises?

summary: a mysterious stranger arrives with advice, you receive some life-changing news, and then your love returns, but will he accept you back, after all that's happened?

word count: 6.2k

ao3 link

At this point phone sex would be a gift from god. You were doing things the old fashioned way, which took longer. You were lazy and broke, so you decided not to take a trip to the mall and buy a vibrator. You could’ve bought one online, but it’d take forever to come - ha! Just like you. It wasn't really that funny anymore, though. It was actually quite frustrating. You were beginning to reconsider an errand to Spencers, or an equivalent, but the awkwardness one feels in the sex toy section of those stores is unparalleled. You really have no allies in the sex toy section, do you? It’s full of gross grown men who stare at your ass and giggly teenagers.

Leon didn’t have anything fun in his house. You looked. You were hoping you could find a dildo buried in a dresser or a playboy under the bed. Not that you really felt like getting off to a playboy magazine, but some reading material would help you pass the time until your boyfriend came back from his heroic quest across the world. 

There was a cucumber in the fridge, but that would require a new level of desperation and courage that was surely not worth it, considering the shame and the possibility of infection. God, what if you ended up on that show “Sex Sent Me to the ER” for getting a cucumber stuck up your - 

Wait. What was Leon’s computer password? Leon had two laptops in his house - one in the bedroom and one in his office. You were not to touch the one in his office under any circumstances because you didn’t have “top secret clearance and the government would send an army of men to kill you in your sleep if you so much as pressed one key” or something like that. But, Leon never said anything about the computer in his bedroom. You’d bet your savings on the fact that this bedroom computer was 100% certainly for porn. A laptop is portable, so why have two for work? What else is a computer for? Facebook? Instagram? YouTube? No, Leon is 41 years old. It is for porn. 

There were only two questions: How to get in? And what’s inside?

You took out a pen and paper to write out possible password combinations, so you could pick the ones you deemed optimal, not wanting to risk locking yourself out of the computer by guessing everything your mind could conjure up. 

What do people have as their passwords? Mother’s maiden name? Childhood pets? Birthday? Girlfriend’s name? 

“Hell yeah!” you said to the empty room when you guessed correctly on the first try. It was your first name. No numbers or symbols. Dumbass. 

There wasn’t anything saved locally, so you had to go to the internet and hope that he hadn’t deleted his search history. Yeah, you could just search up whatever you wanted to watch, but what’s the fun in that? You typed “P” into the search bar and the first thing that came up was Pornhub. Is Leon really that horny? Ew, gotta check the desk chair for jizz stains. Nothing you hadn’t tasted before.

You looked at his recent searches when you clicked on the site.

Amateur, lesbian, creampie. Pretty basic, nothing to do with stepmoms or women getting stuck in washing machines. How do they even get in there in the first place? What does sex have to do with getting them out? Your mind trailed off for a moment contemplating porn premises - maybe this was why you couldn’t get off...

Oh. There was something interesting. One word: Daddy. 

If only you could look at the time he’d searched it up. Was it after you’d called him that? Or had Leon always wanted to be your daddy? You clicked on some stuff with 'daddy' in the title, and tried to get into it, but it wasn’t Leon. That man in the video isn’t daddy, not to you. It wasn’t enough to get you off, not even close. 

Back to square one. You decided to search through your photo gallery. Leon’s face - hot. Leon sleeping shirtless - a little creepy, but hot. Leon straight out of the shower - really hot. Looking at Leon with a towel hanging around his waist was enough for your fingers to find their way back to your clit.

Leon wasn’t hairy per se, but he did have a nice happy trail leading from his belly button down to what you really wanted. The towel was riding low on his hips and you could see it, could almost see further. 

Finally getting a little excited, you continued to sift through your Leon catalog. The next picture had a perfect shot of that five o’clock shadow, the one that tickled your thighs when his face was between them. His lips, so soft against your skin, his nose that would press against your clit anytime he tongue-fucked you. 

Jackpot, A video. Of Leon. You were eternally grateful to past-you who took tons of pictures and videos, but especially this one. It was Leon, getting ready in the morning, so ridiculously mundane, but his raspy, deep morning voice. 

“Mornin’, Baby. What are you doing?” he asked. 

Touching myself halfway across the world from you, daddy.

This was way better than porn. Leon’s laugh once he realized you were filming. Hot. Leon slipping on a t-shirt, showing off his perfect physique... and the happy trail again. Hotter . Leon buckling his belt - unbuckling would be better, but clinking sound had long ago linked itself to the moment before you’d have him. Have him in your mouth, have him on top of you, have you on top of him. In bed, in the car, in the bar bathroom. Have him inside you however he wanted.   

You remembered his thumbs playing with your nipples, hands running down your sides, gripping your hips, pushing you down, so he could thrust up into you harder. If only your hands were Leon’s hands. Leon’s big hands. Leon’s big dick. Leon. Leon. Leon. Oh Leon . 

It’s a shame he wasn’t there to hear you moan out his name. 

Fucking finally. All you had to do was look at a video of the man. Yeah, you were fucked. No, you weren’t fucked, but you’d like to be. 

That night, you were up late, bored out of your mind. And lonely, very lonely. This was retribution for cheating on Leon. In a fit of every single emotion known to mankind, you betrayed the man you loved.

You made your bed, now go lie in it, you thought.

You were sitting on the couch, trying to balance the line between self-pity and self-loathing, while biding your time by watching rom-com after rom-com. The Holiday, When Harry Met Sally, Jerry Maguire. All of 'em.

The doorbell rang. The little unmistakable jingle bounced off the high ceilings and echoed through the room. Did you order strippers in your drunken stupor the night before? Was a serial killer dumb enough to ring your doorbell? Who the fuck was on Leon’s doorstep at midnight?

You got up and looked through the peephole before opening the door. On the front porch stood a woman -  a short black bob, maybe 5’7”, looked to be in her 30s, a bit overdressed for the occasion, but most of all, drop-dead gorgeous. Doesn't matter how straight you thought you were, you weren't not going to let her in. 

“Um, hi,” you said, cracking the door open, enough to lean your head out, but hopefully not enough for her to see your pajamas. 

“Hello,” she said, “Can I come in?”

“Are you looking for Leon? Because he’s not home.”

“I know he’s in Moscow. I’m looking for you.”

Was the government coming to kill you for breaking into Leon’s computer? Did the government monitor his porn too?

“Are you Hunnigan?”

She was the only person you could think of who would know Leon's location.

“My name is Ada.”

Ada . Leon’s infatuation began to make sense. 

“Okay,” you said and let her in, god knows why. Maybe you could pry more information out of her, but based on what Chris had told you, you weren’t optimistic. 

“You can sit down if you want,” you offered, trying to be a good hostess.

“Thanks,” Ada said and sat down on the living room chair. 

“Can I get you anything to drink?”

“I’m okay. Thanks.”

You downed a glass of water because your mouth had dried up completely in the last five or so minutes. As not to keep your guest waiting, you returned to the living room. You looked around at the cluttered room, blankets strewn around, an empty bowl of popcorn, the TV still on. 

“Sorry. I would’ve cleaned up if I knew you were coming over.”

“It’s not a problem,” she said, “Is this 10 Things I Hate About You?” 

“Yeah,” you said, pausing the TV, “have you seen it?”

“I have. I don’t usually like rom-coms, but I like this one.”

This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, you thought to yourself. You already had two things in common: you liked to watch the same movies and fuck the same man. 

You sat down on the couch, facing Ada. “If you don’t mind me asking, Why are you here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“Leon.”

Alright. No beating around the bush with this woman.

“You love him, right?” she asked. 

“Yeah, I do. A lot.”

You felt uneasy. It sounded like the beginning of a ransom note. “You love him, right? Wire me 10 million dollars by the end of the day if you want to see him again”. You were completely off-base in your suspicions, however. 

“That’s good. He deserves someone who loves him.”

“You’re right. He does. He deserves someone way better than me.”

She waited in silence for you to continue. She seemed oddly unbothered by your guilty demeanor, but was clearly unsatisfied with your vagueness.

“I cheated,” you said quietly, unable to meet her prying gaze. 

“Okay. Not a great look for you. Does he know?”

“No, but I’m gonna tell him. I know it’ll break his heart, but I can’t lie to him,” you divulged way more to her than you’d intended to, but she was a good listener, “I wish I could take it back. I hate myself for doing it.”

“We all feel that way sometimes, but what’s done is done.”

Her nonchalance was getting to you. Is this how she felt about what she did with Leon?

“Can I ask you something?”

She didn’t respond, just waited for you to speak again.

“Did Leon tell you we were together?”

“He didn’t, but I did suspect there was someone. The signs were there - bobby pins on the bathroom counter, a thong in his laundry basket, you know, things a man wouldn’t have without a woman.”

“Why did you do it?” you asked the question that’d been bouncing around your mind since you’d let her in the house. 

Did you really want the answer? Yeah, no matter how much it might hurt, it was worth knowing.

“Why did he do it? Why did you do it?” she said.

You agreed with Chris’ assesment - mysterious. Mysterious had an undeniable allure, but it did not answer your questions, only posed more. Despite your frustration, you ended up answering her.

“I don’t know. I guess I just wasn’t thinking. I was pissed at him for sleeping with you and I was lonely.”

Talking to Ada felt similar to going to therapy, but if your therapist was the oracle at Delphi with her cryptic sort of guidance.

“I see,” she said, looking you up and down with her x-ray-like eyes. Ada, to your surprise, gave you her explanation in return, “He gives me a sort of love that I don’t deserve, and that I can’t get from anyone else, and he’s stuck in the past. He thinks of me as a person that doesn’t exist anymore. We like the people we pretend to be.”

“Do you think he’s stuck on you?”

“In some way, maybe, in the way that we all get stuck in the past, all too stubborn to change, but I still think that given the choice, he’d pick you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I spoke to him, recently, in Moscow. He talked about you.”

Un-fucking-fair that she got to see him. What if they-?

“Did you guys do anything?”

“No. I proposed the idea to him, and he said no. He said he’s in love.”

“And I broke his heart. I'm the worst person ever.”

You wanted to cry, bang your head against the wall, crumple up and die. 

“You’re not. You’re not, I’m not, Leon’s not. There are people in labs across the world creating viruses to wipe out millions. And they sleep well at night.”

“So, because other people suck worse, I should be okay with what I did?”

“No, but you’re young and naive. You make mistakes. I met Leon when he was around your age. He made worse mistakes because he was lusting after some woman,” Ada spoke of the past with a unique glint in her eye. Not quite nostalgia, but close.

You listened intently. She sure was interesting, that was for sure. 

“You got all wet over a second meathead of a man and cheated, but at least no one died,” she said matter-of-factly.

“I’m gonna break his heart. That’s like, practically killing him.” 

“You’re so dense. Perfect match for Leon.”

Ouch. 

“You care, Leon cares, and for some reason, I care enough to come here and try to play love-guru. You can work this out. You can give him a type of love that I cannot, and with all he’s been through, he deserves it.”

If Ada turned out to be just an apparition of your conscience, the angel and the devil on your shoulders, you wouldn’t be surprised. You’d despised her since the moment you found the condom in the trash can, despite the fact that you’d never met. It was easier to put it onto her than Leon. A faceless, nameless threat to your relationship. 

“I feel bad for hating you,” you apologized to her - not that she knew about your feelings in the first place. It just felt like the right thing to do. 

“Don’t. You have a right to be angry.”

“Do you wanna stay over?” You asked pathetically, still looking for friends wherever you could find them.

“Even more like Leon than I thought,” she said, and this time it didn’t seem like a jab. Her face said she found you a bit charming. “I can’t. I have somewhere I have to be,” she let you down easy.

“Well, I hope to see you again soon.”

She hesitated, but said, “Likewise.”

You hugged her before she left, which clearly took her by surprise. She was rigid in your arms, but seemingly tried to loosen up a bit, and gave you a friendly pat on the back.

At the door, she turned back and said, “Have you had your period recently?”

“Uh, no, why?”

“Take a test.”

You knew what kind of test she was talking about, but what in the fucking world? You didn’t have time to ask, though because she was already gone, practically disappearing into thin air. 

Leon had now been gone for around four weeks at this point. Still lonely, still guilty, but starting to feel a little nauseous in a way that couldn’t be accounted for by any of those feelings you had. 

You assumed Ada was just taking a shot in the dark with her whole ‘take a test’ thing, but maybe she was onto something. 

Your period wasn’t always on time, sure, but there was a normal range and it was obvious to you, even without tracking the days, that it had been too long since your last one. You really should’ve been more diligent about taking your birth control pills. “You’re young, you make mistakes.” Maybe this was what Ada meant.

You bought a pregnancy test. You spent five minutes waiting for the results to appear, sitting on the toilet while the plastic stick was next to you on the bathroom counter. You could easily glance over, but you didn’t dare look until you knew the five minutes were up. 

You took a deep breath, crossed your fingers, and picked up the test. 

Two lines. Clear as day. Couldn’t be a hallucination. At best, it could be a false positive. Luckily, you had purchased a three-pack, so a few hours later you took another one. 

Two lines. 

For good measure - though you were pretty sure two false positives would be so rare is was almost impossible - you took the third. 

Two lines.  

Good things do not come in threes. Three pairs of two little lines and one pregnant woman, alone in her bathroom. Good things do not come in any number. Good things do not happen to you. 

You had to tell Leon. But you’d have to get through Hunnigan first. You’d have to get to Hunnigan first. 

It was difficult to get her contact info, but you were persistent. Reluctantly, you called Claire, Jill, even Chris. None of them had any way to contact her. Claire however, gave you Sherry’s number. The little girl turned DSO agent he’d mentioned.

Sherry, god bless her, had Hunnigan's number and was nice enough to give it to you. You made the call and picked up on the first ring. 

“Hello?” Hunnigan's voice was more pleasant than you expected. Based on the fact that Leon was always so stressed when he picked up her calls, you'd expected her to be rude or aggressive.

“Hi, you don’t know me, but I’m Leon’s girlfriend”. You sounded like a high schooler when you said it like that. 

“Okay,” she said in a neutral tone, waiting for more information. 

“I need to speak with him.”

“I’m sorry, but that would go against all protocol.”

“It’s really important.”

“I understand that, but his life is on the line, and I cannot let him get distracted.”

“Please, just trust me, it’s so important. You have no idea.”

“What do you need to tell him? Maybe I can relay the message.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Oh.”

Yeah, ‘oh’ is right.

There was a pause before you asked for the second time, “Can I talk to him?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do that. It would give him extra things to worry about, and he’s already incredibly overworked and stressed right now. Distraction can be the direct cause of death. I cannot have him get distracted by anything. It’s for his own safety, and I hope you can understand that.”

You wanted to tell her to fuck off or to force her to patch you through, but instead you just hung up. Great. You’re pregnant and alone. 

There were countless unanswered questions, making you feel queasier than you did before. 

How can I tell my parents? How can I tell anyone? Who do I even have to tell? What should I do? Give birth in 8 months or get an abortion? What would Leon want? What if Leon doesn’t even want me back?

The one you typed into the search bar was: How do I get rid of morning sickness? You spent the following few hours curled up on the bathroom floor. No, this was your retribution. 

As much as you felt like you should keep it to yourself for a while, you ended up having lunch with Jill. You figured it would be better to not speak to Chris, and on the off chance that you couldn’t keep your big mouth shut, you were wary about speaking to Claire for the time being. That whole situation was one you needed to talk out with Leon before anyone else. Jill seemed like a safer option. Plus, she gave off such a mature, pragmatic vibe that made you feel like she’d be the type of person you’d want to call for advice. To be honest, she reminded you a lot of Leon. Maybe if you could tap into her thinking, you could tap into Leon’s on some level. 

Jill offered to buy you lunch - a friend and a meal was a win-win. You convinced her to go to a diner with you, not letting her in on your little secret until later. You were already getting cravings - milkshakes, pickles, you name it. 

At some point during your meal, you couldn’t keep hold of the secret any longer, it was eating you up inside. 

“I’m pregnant,” you blurted out.

Jill spit out her soda. 

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry.” 

Dammit! You had the worst track record with making friends. 

“It’s okay,” she said, wiping herself off with a napkin. 

She stared at you for a moment once she’d finished dabbing the spill out of her clothes. 

“Wait, you’re serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit. That’s…”

“Not great, yeah, I know.”

“It sucks that you have to go through that alone. I shouldn’t even ask because it’s none of my business, but have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“It’s a scary decision, but I’m here for you no matter what you choose, and I’m sure Leon would feel the same.”

“You think?”

“Positive. He’s a good guy underneath all of the bullshit. Plus, he’s crazy about you.”

“I just wish I could tell him.”

“I know. I wish there was a way I could help you there, but I can’t. I have no way of reaching him. Did you end up getting in touch with Hunnigan? Is that why you asked for her number?”

“Yeah, I did, and Claire gave me Sherry’s number who gave me Hunnigan’s.”

“I assume Hunnigan said you couldn’t talk to Leon.”

“Yep.”

“That fucking sucks. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, but I’m glad I have people here who are good to me, like you, for example.”

You realized that may have sounded a little bit cheesy, but what the heck, you thought, you were a pregnant woman, dealing with hormonal changes, it was okay to get sappy. 

“Yeah, you have me. And Claire, and Chris, and I guess you know Sherry now, too.”

It was definitely not time to tell Jill about the situation with Chris. One bombshell was enough for one lunch outing. 

You ended up talking to Claire as well, managing to keep the Chris situation out of the conversation. 

“Hey, how are you doing?” Claire greeted you with a hug. 

“I’m okay.”

You weren’t feeling super well, so you’d invited her over to your place - well, Leon’s place - rather than asking her to go out with you. 

“You sure? You’re looking a little pale. Do you think you could be coming down with something?”

“No, no, I’m fine. I mean, I’m - I’m pregnant.”

“Congratulations?”

You shook your head.

“I’m sorry?”

You gave her a little hand gesture to indicate that her answer was “close enough" to whatever reaction the situation should've warranted. Honestly, there wasn't a perfect reaction to that kind of news.

“Now you know why I’ve been sticking around the house.”

“Morning sickness?”

“Yeah. It sucks.”

“Sure does. Not that I’ve ever experienced it, but I’ve seen it in action and it takes a strong woman to be able to handle it.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m very strong when I’m sobbing into a toilet bowl.”

“Have you gotten in touch with Leon? I know I gave you Sherry’s number…”

“I did talk to Sherry, and she gave me Hunnigan’s info, but Hunnigan wouldn’t let me talk to Leon.”

“Did you tell her you’re pregnant?”

“Yeah.”

“And she still wouldn’t let you talk to him?”

“Nope.”

“I would rarely ever say this about another woman because I think it’s pretty sexist, but what a bitch! I can’t believe she’d do that to you.”

“I definitely thought that at first, but I know she’s just trying to protect him. Who knows how he’d take the news.”

“I’m sure he’d just wanna be there for you.” She put an arm around your shoulder. 

“I hope so. I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do in this situation.”

“There isn’t a ‘supposed to’. You do what’s right for you, and you only. Don’t worry about what anyone else might think because I’ll be there for you, and so will Leon, and everyone else.”

“You sure?”

“100%”

“Have you made an appointment yet?”

“For?”

“With an Obgyn. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to go to one. No matter what you choose.”

“I guess I have to make one, then.”

“I could go with you, if you’d like.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. I know it’s not the same as Leon, but you shouldn’t have to go alone.”

And she did accompany you. The nurse asked if you two were partners and you explained that she was just a friend. The nurse seemed hesitant to let ‘just a friend’ come with you into the ultrasound room, but when she saw Claire holding your shaky hand, she let go of whatever was holding her back from allowing Claire to accompany you. 

The gel they put on your stomach is cold. The thing that looks like a grocery store scanner that they use to look into your uterus feels weird. They press harder into your skin with that one than you’d think. Claire holding your hand kept you from swatting the woman’s hand away. 

The three of you studied the monitor, though the nurse was the only one who could really tell what was going on.

“I can see an embryo in there.”

You sighed, letting reality sink in.

“I can see that you’re nervous. I won’t pry into your situation, but just know that there are many options available and no one is here to judge you for whatever you choose.” 

“Thanks,” you said simply. 

She was nice, but it didn’t make the choice any easier. It was tiring to hear everyone say ‘we support you’ and ‘we won’t judge you’, when all you wanted was for someone to tell you what to do. Ideally, you wanted Leon's input. You'd still have to make your own choice, but it'd be nice to hear his thoughts, considering he got you knocked up in the first place, and you definitely couldn't afford to take care of a baby on your own. 

You saw the doctor briefly and told her you’d think over your decision, but when she was about to leave the room, you remembered the dream you’d had the night before. You held a newborn baby in your arms while Leon doted on you both. Real life was never as perfect as it was in your dreams, but you could see a real future like that with him. 

“What if I want to keep the baby?” you asked when the doctor returned.

“That’s one of the multiple valid choices. If you decide that, I would suggest you book another prenatal appointment about a month or so out from now.”

“Where can I do that?”

“I can give you a slip to take to the front desk and they can get you set up.”

You and Claire were alone for a moment while you redressed. 

“So, you’ve made your decision?” she asked. 

“Yeah, I think so. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do you think Leon would want me to choose this?”

“I can’t speak for Leon, but I’m sure he would want you to do what you think is best.”

The diplomatic answer.

“But if it were up to him, would he want to be a father?”

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t think it was in his plans, at least, not for some time. You know, he’s been through some shit, and his job is hardcore. He’d be a good dad, though.”

“You think?”

“Oh yeah. If only you could’ve met him when Sherry was a kid. He was so good with her, sometimes in a way that I couldn’t be. I mean, I like to think I was a good mother figure for her, but he was a really good father figure. So, if I had to guess, I'd say that in any other life, Leon would’ve been a father already. If Raccoon City never happened, I think he’d be a dad.”

“Well, what about in this life?”

“It seems like he’s already on his way to fatherhood, and he doesn’t even know it.”

It was late in your first trimester when you got a call, a good call, the call you’d been waiting for. 

“Hey, baby, I’m coming home,” Leon said, so blissfully ignorant of the situation that it stung.

Still, you were overjoyed to hear his voice. 

“Yay! You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you,” you said.

“I actually do. I’ve been missing you for the same amount of time.”

Oh yeah. That’s true. Brain fog. 

You weren’t going to tell him over the phone. He’d have a heart attack. The hours waiting for him felt longer than all the weeks he’d been away combined. 

When he got home, Leon settled on the couch with his feet up while you paced the room. He had a glass of whiskey - something you thought he’d given up, but you weren’t going to judge him for it. He was clearly exhausted and honestly, it might be better if he mellowed out a little before you gave him the news. 

“Baby, what’s up?”

“I gotta tell you something. Actually, multiple things. Don’t freak out.”

Not yet at least . 

“Okay… You wanna sit next to me while you tell me?”

You sat down next to him, still restless. 

“Do you want the bad news or the�� surprising news first?”

“Good news?”

You shook your head. “Let me just get the bad news off my chest because it’s making me sick not telling you.”

The other news is making me feel sick too, but for a slightly different reason. 

“Okay…” Leon’s inquiring eyes seemed onto what you were about to say.

“I cheated on you and I’m really really really sorry.”

You broke down immediately, and his instinct to protect you took over any anger he felt. He held you in his arms and rubbed your back.

“Breathe, baby.”

“I’m so sorry, Leon. I love you, and I ruined everything. I fucked it all up because I was lonely and pissed off at you for what you did with Ada.”

“I understand,” he said with a sigh. He wasn’t happy, that was for sure, but he continued to soothe you with his steady, reassuring hands. 

Once you’d stopped crying, Leon said, “Who was it?” He was firm, but not angry 

“Chris,” you said, already on the verge of tears again, “I’m so so so sorry.”

Your words came out all in one breath, all laced with anxiety. Your whole world was about to crumble in front of you.

“Stop saying you’re sorry! It’s not helping either of us. I understand that you’re sorry.”

He’d never been harsh with you before. It was unsettling. The waterworks returned.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have used that tone with you. Even if I’m upset, that was wrong of me to snap at you.” Leon pressed you to his chest while he apologized and you could feel his heartbeat. Fast, and yet he was so focused on calming you. 

“How exactly did this come about?” He asked. 

“I was really lonely and so I texted Claire, but I was too shy to tell her that I wanted to hang out so I asked her if she knew how to change your AC, and she said no, but she could send Chris and I just accepted because I couldn’t tell her the truth about the AC…”

To your surprise, Leon was laughing.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because that’s hilarious. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still upset about you cheating, but it just sounds like a dumb porn plot. You can’t figure out the stupid air conditioner so you have to call the maintenance man to come fuck you about it.”

After he got his giggling out, he sighed and said, “I doubt the rest is funny, but I still think I should know what happened.”

“It just happened.”

“What happened?”

“We made out and he…” You made a motion indicating ‘fingering’. 

“And then?” He sounded impatient, probably thinking you were holding back something. 

Well, you were, but not about the cheating. 

“And then nothing. Haven’t spoken to him since.”

“You fucked up, that’s for sure.”

“But please don’t get mad at him. He was the one who stopped me when I offered to ‘return the favor’. He told me not to tell you because he felt really bad and didn’t want to ruin our relationship. He wants you to be happy.”

“That doesn’t make him better than you.”

“I know.”

“You said you were pissed at me? That’s why you did it?”

“I missed you and was pissed at the whole world, but mostly because I asked Chris about who you slept with and I basically forced him to tell me, and he told me about Ada. Just hearing about your relationship with her and thinking about her in your bed and how you just expected me to never find out.”

You couldn’t hide the lingering bitterness when you thought about him intentionally hiding her from you. 

“I know. It was wrong of me to do that, and I’m sorry. There’s no relationship, though, just so you know. Me and Ada, we've never been in a relationship.”

“But you love her.”

“I do not love her.”

“But you did.”

“Maybe, but things change. I might’ve loved her 20 years ago, but that doesn’t matter anymore. What matters now is us, and working our shit out.”

He still wants to work things out? Well, that’ll be short-lived. Might as well bite the bullet and spill.

“Can I tell you the other thing?”

“There’s more?” Leon gulped down the last of what was in his glass and poured himself the equivalent of a shot which he also downed before gesturing for you to continue. 

“So, the more shocking thing that I mentioned.”

“I don’t know what else could shock me more, but go ahead.”

“I’m pregnant.”

He was silent, looking at your stomach as if he didn’t believe you. You didn’t have a bump yet, but that was to be expected at this point in the pregnancy. 

“Do you wanna see the ultrasound?” you asked, feeling shy about it since you couldn't decipher his reaction. 

“You got an ultrasound?”

“Yeah, I’ve been to two appointments.”

“Alone?”

“No, Claire went with me.”

You got up and pulled the pictures of your purse.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he mumbled into his empty glass.

“Here,” you said, thrusting them at Leon. 

This was make or break. Your nerves made you feel sick to your stomach. Or maybe that was the morning sickness. 

“Wow,” he marveled at the pictures, “Where is it?”

“Here,” you pointed to the tiny embryo in the fuzzy black and white image.

“That’s in there?” he asked, pointing at your belly.

“Yep.”

“It’s not about me, but you have to make that choice pretty soon, don’t you?”

You couldn’t tell what he wanted from his tone, but you’d already made your choice. You were going to stick to your guns on this one. Yeah, you’d fucked up a lot recently, but this felt right. Unexpected, nerve-wracking, but somehow right. 

“I’ve been planning on keeping the baby... becoming a mom.”

“Okay. Then, I’ll be a dad.”

“Really? It’s that simple?”

“I think so.”

“But I fucked everything up and you have this weird job and we’re not married and -”

He cut you off with a kiss. “We’ll figure it out,” he said.

“You don’t hate me?”

“I never hated you.”

“Really? Even after everything?”

“Do you hate me? Even after everything I did?”

“No.”

“Then I think you understand.”

“Do you hate Chris?”

“No,” he sighed and paused, “but I’m going to have a talk with him. Does he know about the baby?”

“I haven’t told him.”

“Who knows? Other than Claire.”

“Jill and Hunnigan.”

“Hunnigan knows?”

“Yeah, I asked her to patch me through to you, so I could tell you, but she said no.”

“She said no?” Leon looked like he was about to snap again, you could see him tense up. 

“She was just looking out for you, didn’t want to let you get distracted and get yourself accidentally killed.”

“No, fuck that! I’m done with the DSO dictating everything about my life. They took away any plans for a normal life, a normal job, having normal friendships, every vacation I’ve ever tried to have, but now they’re fucking with my family? No. That’s it. I quit.”

Family? Family, you were going to be a family. Those pregnancy hormones were close to making you tear up.

“You said you can’t quit.”

“I’m going to.”

“What if they kill you?”

“They won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“I’d kill them first. They shouldn’t have trained me in combat if they wanted me to be a target.”

“You’re willing to put your life on the line?”

“I put my life on the line for way less for the last 3 months. For my kid? Hell yeah, I’ll put my life on the line.”

“Your kid,” you echoed, rubbing your tummy.

“Yeah, our kid, our little baby.”

Leon was smiling, really smiling. Okay, maybe good things do happen to you.

[absolutesilly]

Tgcf fandom likes to talk about morals and such. We have folks who are the obvious clear good guys like xie lian and feng xin. And then we have hua cheng who is completely neutral. And then we get the morally grey like he Xuan and shi Wudu. And then we have mu Qing…. Which he’s not obliviously good like the other two xianle. But he’s never done an act that’s morally despicable… and he’s not like hua cheng either. What do you think of this topic? And what do you conclude on Mu Qing morality? lol sorry if this sounds like an exam question ☠️☠️☠️

hello there! :) i really appreciate the question!!

to start, i just wanna say that the tgcf fandom’s obsession with morals has always kinda driven me crazy, to be honest! in my opinion, flattening a whole bunch of very complicated characters into clear cut “good guys” and “bad guys” tends to feed into circular arguments about whose fave is the most morally pure and “right”—which isn’t very productive. having said that, though, mu qing’s specific morality really interests me, so let’s chat about it!

to me, mu qing is one of the most realistic characters in the novel, morality wise. he’s pragmatic and driven by self-preservation—which makes sense considering that he was born into extreme poverty with a sickly mother and an executed criminal for a father. he has to succeed and provide for himself and his mother, or they will starve. this is the reality he was born into! underlying all of his choices is the need to survive, at any cost.

but more than just being driven by self-preservation, he’s self-interested. mu qing is ambitious! he wants more for himself!! he isn’t satisfied just being someone’s servant, he wants to stand on his own as xie lian’s equal!!! (this is the crux of why they couldn’t actually be friends until the end of the novel… but that’s an essay for another day lmao)

anyway! mu qing protects himself first because he doesn’t trust anyone else to do it for him. he knows his worth and he leaves when he feels he isn’t being valued.

however, being self-interested does not mean that mu qing is selfish—though he’s often accused of it, both in-universe and out. i think many of the “selfish” accusations (from fans at least) come from the contrast between him and the rest of the xianle quartet, who are all nuts for self-sacrifice. feng xin is still struggling to break himself out of the “devoted bodyguard” mindset, 800 years after xie lian kicked him to the curb. hua cheng has LITERALLY died for his beloved, multiple times. and xie lian, of course, is Mr. Self-Sacrifice himself!

so naturally, a character like mu qing—who places a clear and high value on his own life—stands out a lot compared to them!

but it’s this very self-interest that makes his actions at the end of the novel SO powerful and so telling for who he is as a character. mu qing, THE self-preservation and self-interest guy, risks his life multiple times to save the people he cares about. he takes on a cursed shackle rather than betraying xie lian! he stays and tries to help everyone even though he fully believes that they all hate him and want him dead! he almost DIES just to buy xie lian a few more minutes of escape time! these are all acts of genuine love and selflessness.

of course, mu qing’s big self-sacrifice moments at the end aren’t the only time he does good!! he helps a lot throughout the novel—or at least attempts to help. many of his altruistic actions are either misconstrued by people’s assumptions about him/his own poor communication, or they blow up in his face. but he is very often trying to help!!

i think that’s the crux of mu qing for me: he’s trying. in spite of his cynicism, he KEEPS trying to be a good person! even though basically no one believes in him.

he’s not perfect. he’s mean and unpleasant (i say this with deep affection) and sometimes his pragmatism hurts the people he loves most. case in point: the 33 gods incident on the auspicious land. (though i could also write ANOTHER essay on how this was a complicated and unwinnable situation for both him and xl to be in, and ultimately i think his choice was sad but completely understandable… but i digress. essay for another time.)

anyway! if you’ve gotten this far! my overall verdict is: mu qing is complicated. he’s an imperfect person trying to be good, and i think that’s why i find him so interesting. he makes good choices and bad choices, as we all do!

i think a great many fans would do well to be a little more charitable in their assessment of him. when push comes to shove, many of us are more mu qing than we are xie lian. and there’s nothing wrong with that! ;)

[kevindayscrown]

So I just read that kevin used Jean in order to flee from the nest, and he also knew that by doing so, Riko would get enraged and take it out on Jean, but it was his only chance. Maybe Kevin thought he could help Jean after he got out of the nest. Maybe he thought jean could endure the pain that Riko would inflict on him and find a way to help Jean after that. Maybe he asked Wymack to help jean since wymack knows everything about the nest.

Idk i refuse to believe that kevin did nothing for jean after that incident and if he didn't i'm sure he spent all those days thinking about jean i'm sure he felt guilty every single day of his life

And i'm almost sure that kevin tried to coax jean into leaving the nest. But jean thinks he belongs to the ravens. He coudn't save someone who didn't want to be saved. Kevin also said “I knew you wouldn’t come with me.” So I'm sure he tried to persuade him but jean just wouldn't budge.

nora made him this selfish asshole she hates him i swear lol

i need kevin's POV i'm sure he did try to rescue jean but he failed

Sorry for any grammatical mistakes i'm not a native

I think there is a lot more nuisance that goes behind this. I don't think with what was implied in TSC that Nora made him a selfish asshole.

Let's work with only what we know from Jean's POV; that night, Kevin asked Jean to distract Riko, knowing that Jean would say yes. Kevin told Jean nothing else; he didn't try to convince him to come with him. Does that make Kevin an asshole? Maybe. But also Kevin was indeed well aware that Jean would have said no, and Im pretty sure he didn't try to change his mind. We don't know what was going on inside his head, but it's also safe to assume that Kevin had one goal that night, and that was to just get out of there. Is that selfish? Maybe, if you look at it on a surface level and only if you look at it through the perspective of Jean (though I don't think that if you ask Jean now, in canon, that he'd consider Kevin selfish).

But the thing is that, as right as Jean is in being angry at Kevin for leaving him, Kevin also had every right to escape that night.

I don't think it makes him selfish. Kevin knew that if he stayed in the Nest, he'd either die or left to wither away as nothing more than remnants of a legacy (which for Kevin, it might as well mean he is dead regardless). Kevin made a very difficult choice, and it was difficult not only because he had to leave Jean behind but also because he had to abandon everything he knew. He chose to leave Riko’s side despite having been brainwashed to think that he is meant to be his second, his pet. Unfortunately for the Moriyamas, conditioning Kevin to care about exy and his game so much meant that, at the threat of losing what he thinks is his only worth, he became defiant enough to run away.

Also, we need to keep in mind that something happened between Jean and Kevin before the incident with Kevin's hand; they weren't as close as they once had been. And another thing we need to keep in mind is that Kevin didn't even know everything that was being done to Jean (which I find hard to accept but that's per canon right now).

We also need to keep in mind that you can't save someone from drowning without the risk of taking yourself down too. In the long run, Kevin making it out first meant that he could help Jean later, as it eventually happened. It was the only logical solution. Trying to convince Jean wouldn't have worked, and the Moriyamas wouldn't have been as 'lenient' about losing two investments instead of one.

But yes, Kevin does admit to feeling 'bottomless guilty.' Kevin isn't just some asshole who only cares about himself, despite the circumstances. Even as things are implied in canon, I think Kevin leaving is implied more as "a tragic circumstance that couldn't be helped, the fault for which befalls on the abusers who forced their hands" rather than "Kevin is an asshole who left Jean".

The two don't even argue about it as viscerally as people had expected; deep down, despite the resentment about the fact, Jean probably understands. He doesn't blame Kevin for leaving (at least not at Kevin's face), but he does blame him for sending him to distract Riko. And he is right to do that. Even if Kevin had been desperate and afraid, even if he has all the reasons in the world to have done that, Jean has every right to be mad.

Situations can be nuanced like that, and it's fine. If anything, it makes things more interesting to explore and more complicated.

Though I do agree that a Kevin POV of that would be great to have.

[pinkrasberryfish]

I knew Elriel was endgame the moment Azriel volunteered to save Elain from Hybern.

Because arguably, if anyone other than Feyre was going to join the mission to save her, it should have been Rhysand. Elain is his literal sister-in-law, a person extremely special to his mate, and someone he should consider family.

But who goes charging off into the night on a suicide mission?

Azriel.

On orders from Rhysand?

Nope.

Because Elain and him were already a couple?

Nope.

She literally walked away from camp to go find her fiancé. Azriel was just a friend… someone new she had met in the faerie world. They arguably had very few moments together at all, and Azriel is out there risking his life for her.

And is that just something he does?

Not really. Our man’s didn’t give two craps when the Valkyrie’s got sucked into the Rite.

But in ACOWAR, Azriel would have rather died trying to save her than let her go.

And they weren’t even a couple yet!!!

This man has done more for Elain than anyone else who is *cough cough* wondering if she is even WORTH fighting for, and that is why he is most definitely pissed off about who “deserves” to be with Elain. Because he’s right: if anyone deserves a chance to win her heart, it’s HIM. He actually cares about her and has proven it, over and over again.

And their book is gonna be so fucking good because of this foundation.

[marvelqueenhere]

Merthur being idiots in love aka self sacrificial

Being attacked and left in the middle of a forest to die is not how Merlin imagined his birthday would be spent. However, when he sees Arthur being in that critical condition, there's not much else to consider but to fix the problem. How can he ensure Arthur is safe? He is breathing so faintly, barely concious with so much blood loss.

Merlin isn't doing much better himself but that's not the point. He knows he doesn't have enough strength to use magic at this stage. But if he used up all his energy, his magic and life force, there's a chance he can save Arthur. He'll take his chances, thank you very much. As for hiding his magic, he couldn't care less at this point. Yes Arthur will be angry, almost feral when he realises and recognises Merlin for the monster he is. But he certainly would rather spend all his energy to transport Arthur to Camelot. After that, it's not like he'll survive anyway. Maybe that betrayal would help Arthur in his grief. (yes, he'll see that Merlin's loss is not worth spending much time over). He knows what he has to do now. He looks at Arthur one last time. Sees him a bit wide eyed and exhausted, trying to roll towards him. He smiles at him one last time. It always has been for you, Arthur, he thinks. My magic, my loyalty, me. It was my absolute honor, serving you, Sire.

Arthur is trying really hard to hold on to his consciousness. He really is, especially after Merlin smiled at him. That idiot! He knows that face. It's his 'I will do whatever it takes because it is the right thing to do face'. He sees his stubborn set of jaw, his shoulders rolled back, as his eyes turn golden..What?! Everything seems to click in slow motion for him. Merlin, despite bleeding and injured as bad as he is, looks positively radiant. He has magic! Right now, covered in blood, oozing out golden light from his body, it seems more apt to say he is magic, rather than he has it. However, he hasn't much time to think of it. Merlin's focus and his determination alarms him. There's definitely something insanely stupidly self sacrificial about it. He can feel his panic rise. In his fear, he instinctually rolls over with all his energy as does the one thing he can think of : hold onto Merlin. Whatever is happening, he knows in his heart he can face it if Merlin is with him, by his side, where he always wishes him to be.

3 days later

He sends for Merlin. He needs to make sure how to keep him safe. He can't think of what would happen if news of Merlin's magic gets out. He arranges the funds to send him away, speaks to someone he knows so he can work. He also makes it that it's halfway between Camelot and his hometown.

Merlin enters. Worn out, dark circles and pale skin. It pains him physically to see him this way. At least he has a trusted horse to take him where he needs to be, with enough money that he can sustain himself comfortably even if he doesn't work at all the coming couple of years.

Merlin's shoulders have a resigned droop, his eyes a sign of quiet peaceful resignation. Arthur wants Merlin to sit comfortably, have a healthy plate and then discuss his plans. Alas he can't afford such a luxury when every minute is an added risk. He had waited for Merlin to recover just enough and it was already 3 days too many.

Merlin walks slowly but surely. However what he does next makes Arthur startle a step back. Merlin comes close enough to him, makes very very brief eye contact, enough to give him a small smile and then kneels! He has his hands behind his back and head bowed enough to almost touch Arthur's ankles.

"Sire, I accept the consequences of what I am. It was my absolute honor to serve you. If you will let me can I ask of you one last wish before I meet my end?"

Arthur has no idea how to respond. What is Merlin talking about? What end ? Sure it might be his last time in Camelot, but Arthur knows and can feel Merlin means something more than that. He's trying very hard not to acknowledge what Merlin is thinking. Merlin takes his shock as hesitation. His face twists before it clears with renewed perseverance. "Please Sire. Gaius has nothing to do with what I am. He's old enough to be spared seeing me burn. If you'll only grant my request to make this a private affair, I'll be infinitely grateful for it"

With horror, Arthur moves with the intention of pulling Merlin up. But he only bows further to touch his forehead to Arthur's feet.

Arthur CANNOT take this anymore. Merlin really thought this of him? after all this time? and came to him like an animal to be slaughtered? His blood boils. He always knew anger is his worst enemy.

To be continued...

[lillie98]

I headcannon Mike Wheeler as autistic (because we share the exact same strain) and I have a theory regarding Season 5. Many autistic people, including myself, have a warped sense of inherent danger. We will throw ourselves into dangerous situations not fully understanding the risks involved. It’s a dangerous situation, sure, but not so dangerous we should avoid it. Mike also has this problem, what with him diving head-first into every fight. He wants desperately to be a hero, to prove his worth and might as a person—to be remembered. If that means doing something stupid like getting himself killed, then that’s what it takes. It’s heartbreaking, but that’s the world he lives in. Hopper, Eleven, Will, they’ve all sacrificed their lives in some capacity to save the world, now it’s his turn.

Eddie touched on this concept with his “Don’t try to be heroes, not today. There is no shame in running,” but Mike doesn’t see it that way. In his mind, those who run are cowards, afraid to face their fears and fight for what they believe in. Has Mike been a bit cowardly these past two seasons by avoiding his feelings for Will? Yes, absolutely. But that’s his arc. Mike has to understand his actions, why he’s hiding, and the serious danger everyone is in. He has to face the music. Where does this lack of inherent danger come in? Glad you asked.

We all know Mike wants to be a hero. He wants to go down in history as someone good, someone who put others before themselves and saves the world. The Brave Knight, The Paladin. Paladins swear an oath of bravery and loyalty, vowing to avenge any threat that dares harm their allegiance (Byler anyone?). Something will threaten to harm/kill Will in Season 5, and Mike will have none of it. They’re not doing this again. Thus, Mike will throw himself in front of Vecna/Demogorgon/Brenner, etc. to protect Will, not fully comprehending the danger of the situation. He’ll be a hero. Unfortunately, this risky act will most likely cost him his life (temporarily). He doesn’t have to die. He’s the heart.

Lucas says, in the Season 4 hospital, that Max’s heart stopped for over a minute, but it miraculously started again. She is alive. El’s love for her conquered death itself. If we go on the “Will Has Powers” theory, then his love for Mike will conquer death and revive him. Mike only needs to be presumed dead, to be out long enough for Will and El to feel the effects of his death and consider joining Vecna. Because without their HEART, they’d fall apart. Both of them.

Back to what Eddie said, there really is no shame in running. Will doesn’t need Mike to do some egregious, knightly act of sacrifice to prove his love for him. His love is already enough. Will loves Mike for EXACTLY WHO HE IS. He always has, and THAT is the real heart of this story. Mike is not a hero because of what he does, but because of who he is. The way he loves, the way he stands up for what he believes in, the way he treasures his friends and protects them. The way he makes Will feel safe just by being there. That’s what Will fell in love with, not some fantastical DnD character that never actually existed.

Like Mike said in Season 2, “this isn’t DnD, this is real life.” DnD characters are fun, and it’s exciting to dream about slaying dragons or exploding orcs with your Magic Missiles, but that’s not real. It’s a game and it will end. Hit Points don’t magically restore you after a Long Rest and Healing Potions don’t deal 2d4+2 Healing. Actions have consequences and danger is real, even if your brain tells you it’s not. Paladins, Clerics, Bards, Rangers, they’re not real people. But Mike Wheeler is (in this context) and Mike Wheeler is enough. He is so enough. It’s time he wakes up and realizes he doesn’t have to be the Hero, slay the dragon, and make everything better, because it was NEVER HIS FAULT. Bad things happen and, sometimes, we can’t fix them. All we can do is stand beside our partner, hold their hand, and fight along with them—to remind them they are never alone. That, in and of itself, is truly heroic.

[illuminatedjoy]

Ace!Culprit Theory

I'm writing this on Thursday the 19th and I'd like to get it out before episode 14 arrives and shifts the case more. During my recent rewatch of chapter 2, I started to think Ace is the culprit, and the two newest episodes have further convinced me and helped me understand how it happened.

First, touching on the murder attempt in the gym. Back when Chapter 2 part 1 came out, I considered the possibility that Nico didn't try to kill Ace, and he actually attempted suicide. The trial shot that theory down fast when Nico confessed they did in fact attempt to kill Ace.

Or, did it? I think what happened was that Ace tried to hang himself, but the fan collapsed, drawing Nico to the gym. They would have been feeding the fish around that time. Nico saw him unconscious and unguarded, and tried to finish him off by cutting his throat with the wire. This was an attack of opportunity for Nico. Whether they truly meant to follow through on their initial threat or not, they were willing to go through with it when Ace was right in front of them.

Now, there are two pieces of evidence I need to address here, the turpentine and the wire. If Rose didn't notice Nico stealing the turpentine, she just as easily might have not noticed Ace steal it, so that's easy. Ace could have dosed himself with turpentine to pass out during the attempt and avoid pain. But the wire...

I previously thought, as many people did, that Hu gave Nico the wire and encouraged them to kill Ace. She would have either helped them win the trial or betrayed them and allowed Nico to be executed. However, I don't think this is consistent with Hu's actions in the trial.

I'm not saying she can't be a culprit later on, but I don't think she's lying about how she feels here. Therefore, trying to kill everyone to save Nico makes no sense, and throwing Nico under the bus makes no sense because of how she usually treats them. I also don't think Nico would have known about the mechanics of hanging if Hu wasn't helping them.

So, how'd the wire get to the gym? The same way the rope got to the playground: the culprit took it out of storage. We now know that Hu has struggled with suicidal tendencies most of her life. Speaking as someone who struggles with the same thing, I do not like to keep things in my home I could easily kill myself with if I can help it. It's not worth the risk. I think Hu put her wire in storage for her own peace of mind, perhaps after learning that Arei got rid of her rope. Ace took it for his suicide attempt because he thought it would be sturdier than the rope.

One more thing about Ace attempting suicide is this line. It's what originally made me think it was likely, but I kind of let it slide after Nico admitted to attempted murder.

So, I definitely think Ace has the most solid murder motive out of anyone in the cast. He's already given up on surviving the killing game. He's convinced everyone is out to get him, and he's shut out anyone who might offer him assistance like Levi or Eden. Furthermore, he has no alibi, either at night or in the morning. If he did attempt to hang himself, he likely does know enough about hanging to pull off Arei's murder. (Perhaps his one friend died by hanging? Hmm.) As for the evidence, something people bring up a lot is the grippy tape that disappeared from the gym. This is often used to point at Eden. But, why not Ace, too?

Ace left the gym intent on murder. He may have grabbed anything he thought might be useful. He also might have already had the tape on his person anyway, if he used it in his suicide attempt at all. Eden was thrown out of the gym without warning. I think it's simply much more likely that Ace had it then she had the presence of mind to grab it while everything was going on.

I don't really see any evidence that contradicts Ace!Culprit. There are a few things I don't know how to explain, like the starched up ball of clothes, but a different culprit doesn't explain that any better.

I think this is the most interesting outcome for the story. I'm curious to see how Levi takes it. I think Hu is going to be devastated when she realized her actions contributed to a suicide attempt and eventually a murder. Nico is likely to face some backlash too. If they had helped Ace instead of trying to kill him, it might have changed things.

And it punches a big hole in Teruko's belief that trusting no one is the safest way to survive. Because Ace trusted no one, and it drove him to desperation and murder.

[parkersgeorg]

Forgive me if this should have been a dm, but may I request that essay about Gohan and Vegeta’s relationship?

Ohohoho well SINCE YOU'RE ASKING.

Consider Vegeta. He has always prided himself on being, even as a child, stronger than all adult Saiyans, and that without training under anyone. He was a prodigy! He was unrivalled! And then he meets Gohan who 1) is probably even younger than Vegeta was when he was declared the best 2) never had any training whatsoever either AND wasn't even born and raised in a warrior culture. When do they first meet? Oh, that would be when Gohan absolutely trounces Vegeta's ass at the tender age of four years old (or five years old according to some Western translations, or three years old according to Toriyama's original concept), eliciting in Vegeta the same response Gohan gets from just about anyone: disbelief. For all that Vegeta has become the archetype of the shonen rival who always comes second, we tend to forget that he did beat Goku the first time they met -- and he beat him by a lot. He was torturing him to death when Gohan and Krillin and Yajirobé intervened, and without them Goku would be fucking dead (again).

Vegeta has thus been rattled not just by Goku but also by Gohan, who displayed enormous amounts of raw power at a ridiculously young age. And for all of Vegeta's posturing and pride, he noticed. After he allies himself with Krillin and Gohan on Namek, he shouts at Frieza that they're worthy allies because they're constantly becoming stronger, "especially the young one [who has] powers he can't even dream of". Gohan looks noticeably struck by this comment -- in the middle of the chaos of Namek where everyone is five times his height and a million times his power, Vegeta's acknowledgment would in a weird way probably mean a lot to him, especially since The Prince Of All Saiyans wouldn't say that kind of thing lightly. Gohan remains terrified of Vegeta's immense power and ruthless violence; but he takes Vegeta's profession of alliance seriously and doesn't hesitate to dive into danger to drag Vegeta out of the way, a move which completely baffles and infuriates Vegeta -- it was probably the first time anyone ever saved his life in combat. Of course he shouts at Gohan for what he can only perceive as a humiliation. And yet later, against Frieza, Vegeta does exactly the same thing for him, for no clear reason other that he considers Gohan an ally worth preserving.

So from the beginning, despite Vegeta's pride on one hand and Gohan's fear on the other, there's a warriorlike respect between them, and they're changing each other. Vegeta loathes Goku and dreads Frieza, and despises just about anyone else he fights... but not Gohan. That doesn't mean he's nice to him; when Gohan adorably tries to thank him for his help post-Namek arc, Vegeta batting his hand away is basically the continuation of his confused anger at Gohan trying to save his life. He cannot see that extended hand as anything other than an insult to his strength. But with that move, Gohan is literally the only fighter who tries to... befriend Vegeta. All the other Z-fighters keep well away and Goku sort of lost interest the moment he heard of someone stronger. But Gohan takes the time to thank him and acknowledge that Vegeta went out of his (admittedly very narrow) way to help them. I like to think that his wounded surprise when Vegeta rejects him would quietly shock Vegeta in turn -- shit, that kid really was trying to make friends. So his mental Gohan file would boil down to 1) Incredibly strong and worthy ally 2) Too sweet for his own good.

During the Cell arc, Vegeta's posturing endangers everyone. Once again, Gohan's amazing untapped strength comes out in full force, and once again he risks his life to save Vegeta's. But instead of blowing up at him this time, Vegeta apologizes (which shocks everyone who hears it). Is it the only time we see Vegeta apologize onscreen? I think it is. And he calls himself dead weight! Calls himself a burden on Gohan! Even in the deepest depths of his self-hatred, he would have never said something like that to Goku. No one but Gohan could have ever elicited that from him; no one but Gohan was both strong enough to actually protect Vegeta, and sweet enough that not even Vegeta could resent him for it.

So the little seed of respect planted during the Namek arc has been quietly growing during the Cell arc, and we see hints of it during the Buu arc too -- when Gohan is presumed dead, Vegeta is straight-up distressed, basically saying that Gohan didn't deserve it, getting hit by the guilt of what he's done. Gohan was the only Z-fighter to acknowledge Vegeta's humanity, and in return Gohan is the only Z-fighter whose humanity Vegeta acknowledges.

And then Buu is defeated, Vegeta concludes his character arc, and has his last interaction with Gohan in DBZ: they meet before the final tournament and Vegeta coldly tells Gohan he clearly hasn't been training. And Gohan seems intimidated and embarrassed. It's clear that for all of Vegeta's repeated fuck-ups, Gohan has never stopped respecting him: in his mind, Vegeta is still that pillar of strength that almost annihilated them all that first time on Earth, and saved their asses multiple times on Namek when Goku was nowhere to be found. The fact that Gohan is so vulnerable to Vegeta's judgment harks back to that moment on Namek when Vegeta casually acknowledged how awesome Gohan's power could become. Gohan remembers that -- and now, having abandoned his training, he clearly feels that he's disappointed Vegeta.That he didn't live up to his hopes. And Vegeta, in turn, clearly tells him he expected better -- that he did have hopes of Gohan, and that Gohan is fully capable of (and therefore responsible for) upholding Saiyan pride.

This is when we leave canon and depart for the mad fevered realms of my brain. The Namek Chief and Old Kai both saw deep untapped potential in Gohan but could only attempt to bring it up to the surface through magic. Gohan is basically, repeatedly confirmed as the strongest DBZ character ever... if he could only manage to actually unlock that strength. But it's locked up tight.

I wonder if anyone could HELP WITH THAT.

Being drafted in a terrible war at an absurdly young age? Vegeta knows how that feels. Being hindered in your ability to get stronger because of psychological issues stemming from trauma and self-doubt? Vegeta also knows how that feels. Feeling like you can never unlock your abilities when you need them? Vegeta also knows how that feels! He can even relate to being disgusted with fighting -- he swore to renounce fighting after Goku's second death and essentially kept his word right up until Goku came back. Most importantly, Vegeta would be uniquely suited to recognize how both Piccolo and Goku's training approaches fucked up Gohan. Piccolo didn't reassure him enough, turning the fight into this terrifying non-negotiable obligation. Goku reassured him too much, basically taking the fight aspect entirely out of Gohan's training -- to the point that Gohan experienced the actual fighting as a betrayal when the time came to face Cell, and terrified himself when his Saiyan ferocity came out unbidden and uncontrollable.

As the only person alive to remember Saiyan culture, Vegeta could see that what Gohan's been missing is the sheer joy Saiyans are supposed to experience when fighting. And post-Buu arc, Vegeta has grown enough to acknowledge he can care for other people. He would allow himself to actually use everything he knows to further someone else's development. His skills as a prodigy, his understanding of Saiyan nature, his own exploration of trauma, his respect for Gohan and his faith in that famed potential -- all that could come out to play big time. He could help Gohan; he would help Gohan. And thus finally return the friendship Gohan dared to extend to him all those years ago. And when I think of how Gohan would react to that, I CRY.

[ineffablegoblin]

Good Omens Season 2 | Aziraphale's Actions on the Gameboard

This has definitely been discussed in great detail, but it keeps playing in my mind every night, so I'd like to add to the discourse.

@inhonoredglory did a great job at characterizing Aziraphale, showing the Job connection, and connecting his decisions to Michael Sheen's emotive and powerful beliefs. It has put into words a lot of the feelings and thoughts I'd been having since I first saw the show (and I have been watching it every night on repeat like its a song). The different theories about Metatron, the book of life, and coffee are interesting and great coping mechanisms to manage that intense final scene, and who knows what Neil will reveal in Season 3, but they don't consider the bigger picture outside of Aziraphale and Crowley.

Good Omens is fundamentally about the ineffable game of life that God plays. It is unknowable and unpredictable. Season 2 is supposed to be a bridge between two very intense life-shattering events. Season 1, and the novel, focus on preventing the end of the world. Season 3 (unwritten novel 2) must be equally big, if not bigger. There has to be more to it than just a relationship at stake.

We can't simply forget the Heaven and Hell still WANT the end of the world. They still want a big war. They are willing to go to extreme lengths to do so, and they're exceptionally eager to bury their 'institutional problems'. Metatron himself says that he needs an angel to lead 'the second coming'. He definitely is being some sort of manipulative, but the trap of heaven is also an opportunity to make a real difference.

When we look at Aziraphale in Episode 6's ending, he is very clearly reluctant and torn. He shows as much in his facial expressions, his tone, his mannerisms, and even his words. He mimics the conflicted hand movements and behaviors that he uses when lying as he addresses Crowley. He is very capable of trying to hide things from everyone he deems dangerous or at risk. He does this with Crowley (when he discovers who the antichrist is) and with God (when She asks about his sword). He also says that he does not want to go back to heaven when he speaks to Metatron about the offer. He says, pained, 'I think I-" before agreeing that he does not need anything and leaving with Metatron. He is in tears at the decision he has to make. He takes an emotional look at his bookshop and the windows and all the memories he has made of himself and his books and his drinks and his Crowley.

He very clearly KNOWS that "the something big and horrible" is coming. His decision is him choosing Crowley and his bookshop and earth because 'nothing lasts forever' and it won't last at all if he does not do something about it. Minutes before this he was under threat of being completely erased from the Book Of Life by the Archangels. Who's to say they won't erase him if he runs away with Crowley? Give him coffee (agreeing to Metatron's offer) or give him death (the destruction of earth and everything he loves and Crowley and himself).

It is true that Aziraphale would NEVER willingly give up his books and precious words. He would never abandon Crowley. It is emphasized until the end of the show. But if his books and his stories and diaries are about to be lost in some big horrible event, shouldn't he try to save it? Is his bookshop not worth giving up momentary comfort for? Is his life with Crowley not worth that sacrifice?

It's all part of the game. I think Aziraphale understands that to beat the game, he has to play it by the rules and beat it from the inside. He thinks in a fairly black-and-white way (or light-grey and dark-grey way) and he clearly knows Crowley will not agree with him. His "I need you" is as powerful as Crowley's kiss.

Think about it. If he just abandons the game, he loses by default. He has no control over what the other players do. We like having representatives in policy making when we vote, right? We have legal LGBTQ+ rights in some countries because someone went into the room of decision makers and fought for it. He knows has to be in that room to make a difference, or else he risks losing everything. And it's not as if he and Crowley haven't been separated before.

I mean, let's say you have a partner you love and you both run a business you love and have friends you love, but it's illegal to be gay, and you're both very gay. Your partner says you both should just run away and move to a cottage and live and be gay together in peace somewhere remote because the government would arrest you or your neighbors might stone you if they found out. But you know that no matter where you go, they might always find you and kill you both. You like the business and friends and little apartment in the city that you share. Now, say you suddenly get an offer from a colleague, who you may or may not trust, to be involved in the law-making, and you know the bill on Gay Rights is being re-written and evaluated. As much as I personally prefer living in quiet cottage, I could very well see myself choosing to take that seat and try to make a change. It would let me keep everything I love. It would keep me and my partner safe. It would let me keep other people like me safe (ineffable bureaucracy). It would be the right thing to do; the good thing.

He and Crowley must both know that they love each other. They have loved each other in their own way forever, and have spent years apart and been just as strong at their next meeting. Aziraphale had heart eyes from the moment they met in heaven. They play a very intentional game of rescue and meet-up. Aziraphale is very capable of taking care of himself, and Crowley does not need to rush to his aid when he senses something is wrong, but they both do that whole dance anyway because it's their version of showing their love with the human expressions that they have comfortably tempted themselves to enjoy (food, alcohol, collections, plants, books, cars, etc.). But they can literally have forever together. Aziraphale believes that they can survive this separation, especially if it means saving earth and their relationship in the long-run. His face says that it was a hard decision to make. Why would they want to save the humans in the bookshop, and save Job's children, and save Elspeth, and then suddenly not care about all the people on earth? Aziraphale has gone along with death and loss when it was part of the rules given by god in the past, but he did not like it. He cares about the rules. Playing the game by the rules can let him make a change in a very controlled and safe way.

Aziraphale is complex and not perfect. He is a person with strengths and weaknesses. He may be influenced by trauma or manipulation or something else, but people often make big decisions for multiple reasons. Aziraphale picked his character and is rolling the dice. He has to play this game by the rules. Neil is (hopefully but also not hopefully) setting up the board for something far bigger than Season 1 and I am so excited (but not) to know what it is.

[hephaestuscrew]

In Ep4 'Cataracts and Hurricanoes', when Minkowski goes out into the solar storm to save Eiffel, Hilbert's reactions really emphasise the risk that she is taking.

HILBERT: Commander, I… cannot recommend this course of action. Risk of continued electromagnetic anomalies is still very high. This rescue mission places your life in unacceptable risk. For the greater good of the crew I must - MINKOWSKI: For the greater good of the crew I am going to pretend that this line of thinking was never even insinuated, Doctor. ~ HERA: Attention: radiological alert. Attention: radiological alert. Stellar flare imminent. EIFFEL: Uhhh… HILBERT: Commander, permission to speak freely? MINKOWSKI: Permission denied, Doctor. ~ On first listen, or without thinking about it too deeply, it's easy to dismiss Hilbert's opposition to Minkowski's plan as just showing that he doesn't care very much about Eiffel's life. Which is true in terms of Hilbert's perspective on the inherent value of Eiffel's life. But it's not true in terms of his perspective on the value of keeping Eiffel alive as a Decima test subject.

In 'What's Up, Doc?', threatening Eiffel is the only place Minkowski can point her gun that would make Hilbert talk. And yet when Eiffel's life is in danger in 'Cataracts and Hurricanoes', Hilbert actively tries to prevent Minkowski from going out into the storm to save him.

It's not that Hilbert has particular concern for Minkowski's life inherently either, as we see during his Christmas mutiny. When he tells Minkowski not to go out into that storm, it will be because he's weighed up the risks.

He believes that if Minkowski goes out into that storm, her and Eiffel will both probably die. And he's decided that the risk of being the only human left on the Hephaestus is not worth the possibility of saving his current Decima test subject. In arguing against Minkowski trying to save Eiffel, Hilbert is acting on his belief that the likely best case scenario here is one similar to what happened with Fisher: the first test subject lost, time to move onto the next one. That's a better outcome for him than having no humans available to experiment on, even though losing Eiffel would be a major blow to his experimental progress.

So when Minkowski goes out into that storm, she's doing something that a supposed genius thinks will almost certainly result in her death. (And I think Minkowski does see Hilbert as a genius at least at this point, although an eccentric one.) She takes that risk for Eiffel, someone who doesn't even really like. Much as I love Minkowski and Eiffel's relationship, I don't think her decision is personal here. I think she would have done the same for Hilbert, or anyone who she considered a part of her crew. That's the kind of person she is.

But it's still a significant moment in their relationship. If Minkowski would do this for anyone she considered part of her crew, this moment still shows that she considers Eiffel to be a part of her crew (which means that he's someone whose safety she feels responsible for, someone who she will take major risks to save). I think that's a surprise to Eiffel at least, if not to Minkowski as well.