#he does it with both jet and ruby (I think) and Liam in crown of candy

[worstversionofme]

Every time Lou Wilson says “I put my hand on the back of their neck” I know my heart is about to get rocked with some great fatherly advice

[thevalleyisjolly]

Been thinking about Lapin and Cumulous (pretty much all the time, let’s be honest), and I think it’s really interesting how both of them, in their own ways, stand at a relational distance from the rest of the party, which has really interesting in-game as well as meta implications. 

Because when A Crown of Candy starts, we have the House Rocks set - Amethar, Ruby, Jet, and slightly further away, Liam (by blood) and Theo (by allegiance and love).  Lapin stands apart as someone whom we know from the beginning has a different allegiance, or at least, follows the orders of another entity.  Which is kind of what we, as an audience, need at that point, because established relationships can be a little hard to break into!  In-game, the characters have these deep bonds with each other, whether by family ties or by loyalty, and while those are fun to watch and speculate on the nature of, it isn’t always the easiest to connect with right at the beginning.  Lapin, apart from being a fascinating character of his own, stands at a similar distance like the audience.  Just as he gradually comes to cast his lot in with the Rocks family and become invested in their well-being, it mirrors our (the audience’s) own journey with coming to know the characters and becoming invested in their story.

(Sometimes I wonder if that isn’t part of Lapin’s meta appeal, that narrative-wise, he doesn’t need to become invested in the party, doesn’t need to care about them.  He’s here because his patron wants him to be here, but there’s nothing that says he must become emotionally involved with them.  And yet, and yet!  One of his last acts in the world -and arguably his most meaningful- is to choose to care about these people, to give up his life for them, and I’m still not over how his last insight, his last roll, realizing that the Bulb cares for no one, contrasts so beautifully with his death - this sly, aloof chancellor with a barbed tongue dies because he chooses to care for someone.  What a powerful ‘found family’ vibe indeed)

(In the same way your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't.)

Cumulous also stands apart from the rest of the party in a lot of ways.  Like Liam, he’s a relation of the Rocks, but in an even more distant way, and he makes it explicitly clear to Amethar early on that the Rocks are not his number one priority - Candia’s magic is.  By the time Cumulous comes in, we the audience have become very invested in the story of the Rocks family, and we’ve formed our own bonds with the characters.  So it feels a little strange to have a PC who deliberately aligns himself outside those relationships that we’ve come to love! 

But I think that at that point in the story, that’s kind of what we need.   I would argue that more so than almost every other PC, Cumulous situates the events around the Rocks family as part of a larger context, a larger world.  Jet, Ruby and Liam were still young and relatively sheltered, there was a lot about history and the world that they weren’t familiar with until they needed to be.  Even Amethar and Theo, who lived through that history, had a limited exposure to the wider reach of the Bulbian Church.  Within Castle Candy, the Church is something boring and stuffy and alright, you’re not supposed to do magic, you have to call it alchemy, but it’s more of an unpleasant and inconvenient institution than anything else. 

Except then we learn that there’s more to the Church’s suppression of magic than just disapproval of witchcraft.  We learn about how it’s a way of controlling people, and we also learn about how important magic is in Candia especially, how it’s a part of the land and the people, and all of a sudden, the Bulbian crusade against Candia takes on a far darker turn.  Because crusades don’t just spring up out of nowhere, they’re built on years of ideology and fanaticism, and that has been what the suppression of magic, the rumours about Candia’s reputation for “alchemy,” the Ramsian doctrine, has all been about.  What Cumulous brings into sharp relief is that fighting the Church is not just about personal revenge or who should be the rightful emperor, it’s about the Church’s decades-long plan to essentially commit genocide (as well as its decades of oppression and outright abuse, which it apparently had a free reign in).

(Jet, dear Jet, understood this first and fast.  She got that it wasn’t just about her personal feelings, that the problem was in the institution of the Church itself, and she was the first one to devote time to researching what they actually said, what the Ramsian doctrine was, what their plan was, and I’m endlessly fascinated by the possibility of a season where Jet lives and we potentially get a closer look at this world element and see how the party interacts with and dismantles it beyond just killing the Pontifex)

I do think that as dark as A Crown of Candy got sometimes, there’s a far darker undercurrent that sometimes gets overlooked because we are so compelled by the narrative of the Rocks family.  I also don’t think it’s any coincidence that the two PCs with the most pragmatic approach to combat and killing were Cumulous and Saccharina (there’s a difference between being efficient at killing and being willing to kill - all the PCs were pretty efficient at killing and being war guys, but only Cumulous and Saccharina really had the hardness and the instinct to kill).  Because the two of them are the ones who have most directly seen the effects of Bulbian ideology and prejudice!  For the rest of the party, the Church became an immediate enemy after the events at the cathedral.  For Cumulous and Saccharina, the Church has been the enemy -and a powerful, ruthless one- for years.  I remember a lot of jokes when the season was airing about Cumulous doing war crimes (and criticisms about whether or not Saccharina was guilty of war crimes...the double standard wasn’t great) but it makes perfect sense that they would be the ones with a harder line against the Church and a harder approach to the war.  They’ve been in it far longer than the rest of the party.

Anyways, it’s important that Cumulous does stand apart from the rest of the party because he does stand as that wider perspective beyond the intimate revenge and the complicated inter-party relationships.  And it really is something that requires that degree of separation, because Saccharina is another character who also reveals the wider context of the world, but a lot of that is often overlooked because of the compelling nature of her relationships with her family.  Even her horrifying childhood is viewed more often as a reason why she should be sympathized with (which she absolutely should), and we overlook the disturbing implications about how a foreign Church was able to inflict this level of abuse with essentially free reign.  So we need that strange, distant cousin swooping over our shoulders, reminding us every so often that hey, the story is about the Rocks but the Rocks also live in a wider society.  Yes there’s a nasty carrot with a mace that we all really want dead, but the carrot itself is a symptom of something larger.

(Also, something something meta here about Cumulous himself choosing to care about the world, choosing to care about magic and Candia and chickens hiding in a linen cupboard, choosing to be a monk first and a distant cousin of the Rocks second, choosing to remain at that distance because there’s bigger things happening in the world than just one family, even his own family, and it’s worth sacrificing everything for)

TL;DR, Lapin and Cumulous both stand at a distance from the rest of the party, and the meta implications of this are really interesting for how we the audience interact with the narrative and the characters as a whole. 

[supercantaloupe]

@dimension20alphabet prompt fill #7: Grief

title: It’s Gonna be Good - campaign: a Crown of Candy - 2145 words - set post-canon

20th Highbright, Y.o.B. 1216: Ruby and Saccharina go on a journey together.

Saccharina never predicted that ruling a country would involve so many meetings. Really, she signed up for this gig for only a few things: to connect with a real family, to rebuild Candia’s connections to magic, and to fuck up the church. But she imagined there’d be a lot more adventure to it, traversing the lands with herself and her allies, taking down evil with Winterscoop in her hand and Cinnamon at her side.

I mean, she does still do that stuff. Just not as often as she imagined. Honestly, she can go weeks without leaving the grounds of Castle Candy these days, and the most recent times she did were on brief jaunts to Castle Manylicks to meet with Duke Jawbreaker, or to make a public appearance in Dulcington for the new year’s festival. But it’s the middle of summer now and she hasn’t left in ages, and being cooped up in this hot, stuffy old castle every day makes her long for the cold winds of the sugar mountains and the open milk sea. 

But no, she has meetings to attend. Saccharina realizes she’s queen, and could probably do whatever she damn well pleases if she really wanted, but so much is expected of her now. She doesn’t want to fuck it all up again. The least she could do is have a good excuse first.

Luckily enough, an excuse presents itself soon enough. It’s the 18th of Highbright, and while the queen is reviewing records of the summer’s cotton candy harvests and collected taxes from the West Cake, a Tartguard officer announces that her advisor wishes to have an audience with her Majesty. Bored, Saccharina waves a hand to allow them in, immediately perking up when the door opens.

“Ruby!” Saccharina greets, standing from the table and grinning. 

Ruby bows, but only slightly, enough to respect her queen but not so much as to disrespect her sister. She smiles, but there’s something on her mind reflected on her face. “Hi, Saccharina.”

“Spirits, I’m glad you’re here,” Saccharina exhales, collapsing back into her chair. The scrolls and parchments on the table laid out before her shuffle in the breeze. She gestures in exasperation. “I could use a break from all this. What’s up?”

Ruby holds up a pair of scrolls and walks over. “Correspondence from Pops,” she says, setting one down on the table and rolling it over to Saccharina. “He says hi. Doing well in Comida.”

Saccharina chuckles and opens the scroll, briefly skimming it. “Does he have any idea what he’s doing?”

“None at all. At least he has Mum with him.”

“Sounds about right.” Saccharina sets the scroll down again and smiles back up to Ruby. “Something else on your mind?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Ruby confirms. She rests her fist on the table and flexes her fingers a little. Saccharina thinks she seems nervous, at least preoccupied. “I was wondering if I could get some royal permission to ditch my duties for a day.”

“Is that it?” Saccharina laughs again. Ruby frowns slightly. Saccharina leans back in her chair and gestures broadly with one arm. “Take a day off, go for it! The council can spare you for a day.” A little smile returns to Ruby’s lips, and she seems to relax a little. “What for? Planning something?”

“Just a quick trip upriver,” Ruby says. “I have someone to visit, it should only take a day.”

“Sounds nice. Any occasion in mind, or just need to get away from the castle for a breather?”

“For our saint’s day,” Ruby explains simply. She looks pensive.

“Ah,” Saccharina says, nodding. Both girls knew that neither was remotely Bulbian anymore, yet Saccharina understood that old traditions tend to linger. And she wouldn’t blame anyone for such an excuse to have a single day of levity. “Y’know, I like the concept of saints’ days, but I feel like it doesn’t really apply anymore, y’know?” Saccharina muses aloud. 

“Maybe you can call them something else,” Ruby suggests.

“Yeah,” Saccharina agrees, tapping her lips with a finger in thought. “Like...birth-day. I feel like that’s more neutral and descriptive anyway, what do you think?” Ruby shrugs a little in response, but she’s not frowning anymore. “Anyway. What I wouldn’t give to get out of this castle for a day too,” Saccharina continues. She raises an eyebrow. “I don’t suppose you’d mind having company?”

Ruby considers this. “I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to tag along,” she says.

Saccharina smiles brightly. “Like a little family bonding trip,” she muses, then stands. “What day did you wanna head out? I’ll let Theo and Gooey know we’ll be going, and organize a party--”

“I’d rather we go alone,” Ruby interrupts, frowning again. Her fingers tense around her scroll. “Theo and Liam can come I suppose, if they want, but I’d rather it just be us if that’s alright.”

“Oh,” Saccharina stops and looks at her. “Yeah, that’s fine. No problem. When do you wanna go?”

“The 20th. At dawn.”

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll be ready.”

Two days later, the sisters head out. They pack lightly, only their weapons and the plainclothes on their back. (It was only a day trip, and nobody expected anything to go wrong, but neither sister liked to be caught unprepared.) They ride on dragonback in the early morning light; initially, Ruby thinks Cinnamon is far too conspicuous, but Saccharina convinces her that traveling early in the morning and late at night will reduce the chances of anyone seeing them, and that it doesn’t really matter anyway, because if anyone decides to give them shit for any reason they’ll have two sorcerers and a motherfucking dragon to deal with. And by flight, it’s a very short trip, only an hour or two upriver. The weather today is clear and sunny and warm, a perfect Highbright day, it’s gonna be good, they’ll see.

Saccharina guides Cinnamon while Ruby guides Saccharina. Other than the occasional direction, however, Ruby is very quiet. Saccharina’s traveled with her sister before, even after the crusade blew over and Castle Candy was successfully taken back. They’ve gone on a few trips together -- into Dulcington, into Ceresia and Vegetania and the Dairy Islands, to Comida to visit the Concordant Emperor and pay their respects/say hi to Pops. And true, they’ve never travelled just the two of them alone before, but regardless, Ruby strikes Saccharina this morning as...off. Quiet. They can usually make some conversation on the journey together, but Ruby says nothing, except to occasionally answer navigational questions. Saccharina tries a couple of times to prompt a conversation but gets nowhere, and eventually elects to ride in silence until Ruby points down at a hill on the ground and says, “There, that’s it.” 

Saccharina nods and guides Cinnamon down to a landing beside the Cola River, rushing gently and churning up thick heads of foam where the soda flows over hidden chocolate rocks below. Saccharina pauses to look around as Ruby begins to climb the hill once they’ve dismounted the dragon. Ruby hadn’t told Saccharina where they were going specifically, and Saccharina hadn’t thought to care until now; she was just grateful for the fresh air and change of scenery. But whatever Saccharina had expected, it wasn’t quite...this. This was the middle of nowhere. 

She crests the hill after Ruby to get a better look around. There are farmers’ fields stretching out for a while, with trellises set in neat rows for the jellybean vines to grow along. The grass on the hill is pink and soft and long, swaying in the cool morning breeze. It’s a quaint and pretty, if utterly unremarkable sight to behold. Saccharina turns and opens her mouth to say something to Ruby. She doesn’t get that far, though, as she notices her sister standing atop the hill, under the shade of a stately tree. The wind rustles its purple-and-blue leaves. Ruby is silent and stares down at the base of its trunk.

When Saccharina had first met the Rocks family, some part of her knew, logically, that there was an absence among their number. Some part of her knew intrinsically that there should have been someone else. And Saccharina has known, for nearly a year of working and fighting and growing alongside Ruby, that there should be another Rocks sister. It doesn’t really sink in until now, though, not until she quietly moves to stand beside Ruby and sees the unmarked stone set at the base of the tree.

“Oh,” she says. It’s all she can say.

Ruby takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. She nods.

“Hey, Jet,” Ruby says finally, after a long silence. She sits down in the grass, cross-legged, casual. Saccharina stays standing, and gives her a respectful distance. “Happy saints’ day,” Ruby continues, smiling a little and looking down at her lap. She fidgets with a scroll in her lap. “Got a letter from Mum and Pops the other day,” she relays, looking back at the stone and the tree stump. “They’re doing really well in Comida. Well, Pops doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing…” She laughs a little. Saccharina watches the morning sunlight catch and glint in the tears on her cheek. “Did you ever find out he’s Emperor now? Like, officially. I don’t think we got to tell you yet…”

As Ruby continues to explain the past few months to her sister, Saccharina watches, and thinks. She knows that Jet is gone. Jet is gone, for real. The Bulb cares for no one. The Hungry One cares for no one. The Sugarplum Fairy is dead and gone. Jet is gone, and Lazuli is gone, and Lapin is gone, and they are all gone. Wherever gone is, it is not here anymore. And moreover, Saccharina knows that Ruby knows this. Ruby knows that the Sugarplum Fairy is gone. Ruby knows that Lapin is gone. Ruby knows that Citrina and Sapphria and Rococoa and Lazuli are gone, and Ruby knows that Jet is gone. And Saccharina knows that Ruby knows that she is talking to thin air. 

Saccharina begins to realize that none of that matters, not a single fucking word of it. 

“...and hey, you never had to be queen anyway,” Ruby continues, laughing again. “Things really did work out in the end.” Ruby bites her lip, lets that hang in the air. Syrup tears water the grass over Jet’s grave. 

After a very long moment, Saccharina puts her hand on Ruby’s shoulder and squeezes it. Her skin is soft, and cold, but in a not-unkind way. Ruby swallows the lump in her throat and sniffs, looking up at her half-sister’s face. She hiccups and smiles a little again, looking back to the stone. “Right, Jet, there’s someone you should meet.’’ Ruby looks back up at Saccharina and she can’t sort through everything she sees in those misty eyes.

Saccharina takes a deep breath and sinks down to sit cross-legged beside Ruby. “Hey, Jet,” she begins, speaking to the stone. She’s not sure what to say, or how to say it. Ruby takes her hand. Saccharina clears her throat and tries again. “I’ve, uh, heard a lot about you. Mostly good things, don’t worry…” She hears Ruby chuckle slightly at her side, and feels like she’s doing something right. “Bet you, uh, bet you didn’t know you had an older sis, right? I, uh…” 

She sighs. This is hard. She never expected it to be easy. She didn’t know what she expected, honestly, but it wasn’t this. What the fuck is she supposed to say? Sorry I took your throne, even though it was meant for me and you didn’t want it anyway? Sorry I always wanted a sister and then took yours? Sorry you died before I ever got to find out if you’d love me or despise me? “...I really wish I could’ve met you...before,” Saccharina finally says. 

She looks away, swallows the lump in her throat, stands, turns away. This is hard. She’s lost plenty of people before. Too many. It feels morbid to concede that this should be easier, she should be more used to this, but for whatever reason, she isn’t. She’s talking to thin air, to the absent ghost of a girl she never knew. Maybe this time is different, or maybe she’s out of practice, or whatever fucking else it could be, but it’s not easy, it’s not good, it’s hard, it’s unbelievably hard, it’s--

Saccharina feels Ruby grab her hand again and give it a squeeze. She looks back and finds her sister standing again, looking up at her face. Wordlessly, she brings Saccharina into a tight hug, and buries her face in Saccharina’s cloak. 

“I think she would have liked you,” Ruby says, muffled, but clear enough. 

Saccharina bows her head and holds her tight. “I hope so.”

[anjanettexcordonia]

Chapter 11: The Crash

Book: The Royal Romance A/U

Catch Up Here: The Spare Masterlist

Rating: Mature (18+); Character Death(s); language

Pairings: Liam x MC; Leo x Madeleine 

Word count: 1615 (+/-)

A/N: Please excuse any grammatical errors. I am sorry ahead of time. 

I apologize for the wait. This chapter has been completed for a little bit, just haven't had time to post. 

Disclaimer: Some characters & some scenes belong to Pixelberry. 

Tags: If you would like to be added or removed please let me know. 

PermaTags: @yourmajesty09​​​ @gkittylove99​​​ @kingliam2019​​​

Series Tags: @mom2000aggie​​​ @indiacater​​​ @sfb123​​​ @hopefulmoonobject​​​ @cordonianroyalty​​​ @texaskitten30​​​

Two weeks had gone by since Cami and Liam had called it quits. Two weeks since Drake had dropped the baby bomb that shifted Liam’s entire world. Two weeks since Cami had shut him out. Cami had cut off all contact other than information concerning their new addition. Liam had yet to speak with her about it. She sent him the confirmation via email of her pregnancy. She had made it clear the only contact between her and Liam would be about her medical care. Liam had sent flowers, chocolates and food. You name it, he tried it. Liam was coming to terms with his mistakes with Cami, but he was still at a loss at how to fix them.

King and Queen Madeleine would be heading off for their one year anniversary trip in Australia soon leaving Liam as interim monarch for three weeks. He wouldn’t be able to leave the country much less the palace. He had hoped the time away from each other would ease some of the tension between Cami and himself. 

“So no word yet?” Leo sat in his study with Liam on the other side of his desk. “Not yet. Her first prenatal visit is coming up soon. I’m hoping to be there when you come back.” Liam responded staring down at his phone in his hand. “Have you told Father and Regina yet?” “No, I doubt it’ll go over very well that I have a lovechild on the way.” Leo rolled his eyes at Liam. “They’ll be fine. Pissed but fine. It’ll just add more pressure to me producing an heir.” Leo scoffed. “Ever the selfless king.” Liam chuckled. “Better you than me.” Leo mumbled as he reached for the bottle of scotch on the desk, “Madeleine is the country's Queen and a freak in the sheets, but mother.. fuck that. She would be a terrible mother.” “Give her a chance. She might surprise you.” Liam smiled at the crassness of his older brother. Bastien knocked on the king's study door. “Your majesties,” he bowed, “the jet is ready.” 

“Safe travels brother.” Liam clapped Leo on the back. And headed out the study door to his quarters. Liam spotted Madeleine down the hall speaking with one of her ladies in waiting, Kiara. “Maddie!” Liam yelled out. Madeleine snapped her head in Liam’s direction. Immediate irritation ser in at his nickname for the Queen. “Prince Liam, and in the presence of others please call me Your Majesty.” “Uh, Your Majesty, May I escort you on your way to His Majesty?” “I’d be honored.” Madeleine spoke in her most regal voice. The two made their way to the palace garages where Leo and Bastien were waiting to take them to their private jet. “I actually wanted to speak to you about something.” Liam spoke softly. “Go ahead Liam.” Madeleine nodded. “I have some news I should break to Constantine and Regina, before the press get wind of it preferably.” “Press? What are we talking about here?” Madeleine stopped in her tracks. “Maddie, you have.. how can I put this..?” Liam paused, “you have a way with words when it comes to my father and Regina.” “What’s the news?” Madeleine raised a perfectly shaped blonde eyebrow. Her ruby red lips were pursed tight, “will this hurt mine and Leo’s reign?” Liam could see the fear in her eyes at his question. “No, I don’t think so. Camilla is pregnant.” Madeleine gasped. She took a deep breath before speaking. “What the fuck Liam? Do you know what this will do to Leo & I? The pressure now produce a fucking heir. We do not want children. We had planned to name your heir eventually.” Madeleine paced back and forth, she abruptly stopped and locked eyes with Liam, “Does Leo know about this?” “He does.” Liam diverted his eyes to the floor, his hands twisted and fidgeted together. “Of course he does. You are going to make this right Liam. Do not say a fucking word to anyone until our return. Who else knows?”

Madeleine snapped. “Drake and Maxwell.” Liam whispered. “Fucking Maxwell, you better make damn sure this doesn’t get out. The King is waiting.” Madeleine marched off.

Liam felt like a scolded puppy as he made his way back towards his quarters. The conversation with Madeleine did not go as he had planned. He had hoped she would understand and help him break the news to his father. Madeleine was right. He needed to make it right. If not for himself or for Cami, for his child. He had hurt her so many times, unintentionally but nevertheless he had hurt her. As she had hurt him. He missed her. He could still feel her touch on his skin, the smell of her coconut shampoo in her hair. God, I miss her. He sat down on the sofa in the living room and fired up his laptop planning to write Cami another email apologizing. Maybe she will respond this time. He popped the cork off his bottle of scotch and poured himself a generous amount.

“Sir, sir..” Liam was awoken from his sleep. He looked around not registering where he was. He was still on the sofa. He passed out on his computer without realizing it. “Come with me now.” The king's guard said. “What?” Liam asked confused. “I need you to come with me now.” Liam stood up and followed the guard into the hallway. There were more than usual guardsmen in the hallways. “What’s going on Tony?” Liam asked, still a little drunk from the scotch. “My orders were to get you to the bunker. That’s all I know.” “Where’s the King father and Queen mother?” “Safe house in Applewood,” the guard responded. 

Liam followed the guard to the bunker deep beneath the palace. The bunker was built in the height of the fighting in Europe during World War II to protect the a Royal family from Nazi occupation. The walls were steel reinforced concrete. It was built to withstand any terrorist attack. In fact the United States built a replica bunker following the war. Liam made it to the War Room as the Cordonian generals called it. He was the Spare so this type of thing wasn’t a familiar concept. He looked around taking in the busy guards tapping away at their screens. More guards talking into ear pieces. “The dove has landed.” The dove. Liam hated the guardsmen nickname for him. Leo was the eagle but he was the dove. 

“Sir we need you to take a seat.” Liam sat down. Olivia came rushing into the room. “Liam, what’s going on?” “I don’t know. No one has told me anything.” Liam walked around the room, confused by the commotion. The last time he had been here was during the terrorist attempt on his family's lives a few years ago. ”Sir, we need to brief you. If you’ll follow me.” Liam nodded his head. The guard led them to a small room, it almost looked like an interrogation room. Liam took a seat across from the guardsmen, Olivia took a seat next to him. The guard flicked on the large TV in the room. Liam looked up at the screen taking in the sight before him. A massive explosion replayed on the TV. “That’s not.. that’s not..” Liam couldn’t speak the words. “Sir, I’m sorry to inform you, King Leonardo and Queen Madeleine’s plane has gone down. It exploded as it made it’s ascent into the air. I’m sorry, Your Majesty, for your loss. And for the country's loss.” The guard bowed his head. Liam couldn’t breath. He felt like he had been sucker punched in the gut. Leo couldn’t be dead. Who would run the country? And then a crushing weight fell on him. The weight of the crown. Olivia gripped his hand trying to hold back her own tears. “This is a great loss to our nation.” Olivia calmly spoke. She watched the shift in Liam as he absorbed the devastating news. Liam went from a father to be dealing with his own insecurities to a king and a leader of a nation within hours. Only two hours ago was he sitting in his brother’s study and now he was gone forever. “What caused the explosion?” Olivia asked the guardsmen. She could see Liam was in a state of shock and in no way capable of asking any questions. “We aren’t sure yet, your grace. It’s under investigation. We will need you both to stay here until we know the cause.” Olivia nodded. “Was it a terrorist attack?” Liam interjected. “No one has come forward claiming responsibility. We will know more tomorrow once the wreckage is able to be investigated more thoroughly.” The guardsmen spoke. Liam lowered himself into the chair. I need you Leo. How am I going to do this without you? Father and now King. 

Five thousand miles away, Cami sat on her sofa sipping warm tea watching television when an alert came across the TV.

Cami dropped her tea cup to the floor. She jumped to grab her phone and scrolled to Liam’s name. Come on come on.. answer.. Voicemail. God damn it Liam. Answer your phone.

“The Cordonian Royal jet exploded during takeoff this evening at Cordonian Royal Airport. Casualties are unknown at this time.”

She dialed another number. “Drake?” “Wellington… you need to get here quickly.” “Where’s Liam? He’s not answering me..” Drake could hear the panic in his voice. “Camilla, listen to me. Leo and Maddie are dead. Maybe Bastien too. We don’t know. Liam’s not doing good. Is there any way you can get here?” “I’m on my way.” 

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 1

There Is Strength in Sweetness 

Much like the years, the seasons of D20 start coming and they don’t stop coming. Fantasy High: Sophomore Year is barely in the record books and we’re already jumping into our new season--the Game of Thrones/Candyland mashup: A Crown of Candy!

If y’all have been with me since Sophomore Year then you know that I did very in depth recaps of every episode with a very specific format but I’m gonna try something new for this season.

The format might change a little between episodes as I figure out what works best so bear with me but the plan is to do more highlights and opinions than a blow by blow. But, like, we’ll see what happens.

So, anyway, saddle up your Meep and let’s visit Candia--one of the six kingdoms of the land of Calorum (aka: a fridge. We see you Brennan, it’s a fridge). Twenty years ago, the Ravening Wars wreaked havoc but they’re currently in a time of peace which (mostly) everybody is psyched about.

Meet the Family

This is not a new observation but, while most seasons of Fantasy High focus on found family, this season is all about family-family, specifically, the royal family of Candia and their associates. 

We’re first introduced to Murph’s character--Sir Theobald Gumbar (Level 3 Eldritch Knight)--who is the a huge, golden-armored, gummy bear, leader of the Tartguard, protector of the royal family, and the logical endpoint of Murph’s lawful good predilections. Sir Theo is, of course, on time with bells on for the big Saint’s Day/Coming of Age birthday party for the twin princesses of House Rocks. Unfortunately, he’s clearly never seen The Little Mermaid because when the heralds announce the princesses, they don’t show up. Frustrated, he goes to try and find them.

The first place he checks is with Zac’s character, Chancellor Lapin Cadbury (Level 3 Celestial Warlock). He is (in no particular order) the royal tutor, a chocolate bunny, an official of the main state sanctioned church of Calorum (the Bulbian Church), and a pompous ass. Oh, one more thing? He and Theobald can’t stand each other. There is nothing funnier than two very proper grown men who hate each other's guts. Sir Theo shows up to his classroom where the princesses are having a lesson--or at least they’re supposed to be. Further inspection shows that they’ve just left two straw dummies in their place. Classic.

So, we pan out to the city to meet my favorite characters so far (I absolutely play favorites but I also disclose when I’m doing it so I think I’m in the clear) the twin princesses/chaos gremlins--Jet and Ruby Rocks (both level 1 Rogues) played by Emily and Siobhan. Theo may not have seen The Little Mermaid but the twins have def seen Aladdin, because their number one pastime seems to be escaping the palace to roam the city--hilariously illustrated when they chuck a gem into a peasant's bag and his reaction is a super nonplussed, “Guess the princesses escaped again.” They’re got the Disney Princess-itis really bad because both of them feel stifled by palace life and want more--specifically, Jet wants to be a warrior and resents having been born in peacetime (especially since she’s slightly older and in line for the throne) and Ruby wants to run off and join the circus as an acrobat. They are total twin BFFs to the point that their Thieves Cant has been reskinned to Twinspeak which is a detail I love so much (and that will become unspeakably tragic if something happens to one of them Brennan). 

Jet gets a letter from her secret crush Thad, an Avocado from Fructera (these are the sentences I am being forced to write this season folks) and schemes with Ruby about how they can get to Comida (the capital city) to meet him--possibly by sweet talking Theobald which is easy because he’s so thirsty for respect. Sure enough, Theobald and Lapin soon find them, following their path of destruction and the princesses are brought back to the castle.

Back at the castle, we’re introduced to Lou’s character--King Amethar Rocks (Level 3 Storm Herald Barbarian)--who is having a somber moment, surrounded by the statues of his four older sisters who died in the Ravening Wars, leading his reluctant taking of the throne. He’s interrupted by Lord Calroy (his right hand guy and a full ass talking slice of cake because Brennan is trying to break me this season but I refuse to give him the satisfaction) who lets him know that his daughters have escaped and his delighted reaction immediately lets us know which side of the family they take after.

Finally (at least wrt PCs), we meet Ally’s character--Liam Wilhelmina of House Jawbreaker (Level 2 Ranger) who is a political prisoner/ward of House Rocks and a soft, outdoorsy, mountain kid who is perpetually followed around by his pet pig--Peppermint Preston whose death will absolutely force to me to Google “Best Denny’s Parking Lots for Fistfights.” He misses his dad but not his dick brothers because Ally isn’t allowed to have a fully happy family in any season. Liam is from the disgraced House Jawbreaker and his brothers seem to expect him to try and off the King while he’s in their orbit. While he’s in the woods, looking for seeds (as one does) he finds and accidentally breaks an important looking teacup, which we’ll get back to.

The other important character we meet this episode is an NPC--Queen Caramelinda, mother of the princesses, wife of Amethar, and keeper of 100% of the impulse control of House Rocks. She’s the main disciplinarian to Jet and Ruby, the clear decision-maker in the kingdom, and the only literate one out of her and her husband. She also seems to be the only character that respects Lapin’s authority. 

An Inciting Incident

So, with all our characters assembled, all that’s left is the plot hook which Caramelinda provides in the form of a personal letter from Emperor Gustavo--the head honcho of the entire realm and his old friend--to Amethar. He’s not doing well health-wise and he needs to name an heir that’s not related to him at a big tourney that he’s personally inviting Amethar to. Amethar is a little slow on the uptake but Caramelinda eventually connects to dots for him that it seems very likely that Gustavo is going to name him emperor.

Amethar is not vibing with that information at all but Caramelinda basically holds him by the ear until he reluctantly agrees to go--though he insists that Ruby and Jet also come along to keep him company. Caramelinda only agrees on the condition that Lapin goes with. She also invites Liam (who is caught off guard but game) and Sir Theo is basically going by default. Caramelinda is staying home to hold down the fort but the talking slice of cake is going because Brennan hates me and doesn’t want me to be happy. 

The traveling party is chosen, the twins have been gifted with sick, inherited weapons from their aunts: Flickorice--the Twizzing Blade (Jet) and Sourscratch--the Puckering Bow (Ruby). It’s almost time to be off, but there’s still one last thing to get to before we leave the twins’ party. 

Lapin, feeling the pull of something broken (told you we’d get back to it) subtly makes his way outside, but is followed by Jet and Liam. Now, if you remember, I said earlier that Lapin is an official of the Bulbian church. Which is why it’s so surprising for Jet and Liam to see him talking to the Sugarplum Fairy, a deity of the Sweetening Path--a non-sanctioned more animistic religion that really only has sway in Candia. He fixes the teacup and then she appears, telling him that he’ll need to be wary once he leaves her sphere of influence and that boldness will be required in the days to come. Lapin, who seems to be having this conversation very begrudgingly, asks if she’s asking him to do anything in an official capacity and she smiles and says that she’s not asking for her third wish(!). Then what does she want? She wants him to know that there is great risk in what he is doing, but not acting is the greater risk. The coming challenges will be great, but he must protect the royal family or all is lost. She wouldn't have used her second wish to bring him to them if that weren’t the case. They hustle back and spill this to Ruby, obvs.

Anyway, onward! The next day, the caravan is set up and--with a warning about a sugar free chocolate warlock (ominous, as sugar free chocolate always is) they’re on their way to meet their escort out of Candia. Ruby decides to do her acrobat thing and is hanging out on top of the carriage instead of inside it as she and Jet “subtly” (read:not at all) bring up the Sugarplum Fairy to Lapin to see if he cracks.

Suddenly, the caravan stops. There’s a tree felled in the path, which really only means one thing in this kind of story. 

Ambush.

Ruby, outside of the carriage and unprotected, takes 16 points of damage and is fully down with a failed death save due to some unknown effect. The carriage is riddled with arrows. 

Everyone rolls for initiative and that takes us into a new (sure to be recurring) segment I’m calling:

Things I’m Concerned About

I’m concerned about Jet and Ruby (and not just because I’ve been worried about Ruby for a while due to things the cast has said and because she fully *died* this episode). They have their genres so wrong. They think they’re Disney movie protagonists but they’re in Game of Thrones and they don’t know it. Being Wrong Genre Savvy is a BAD position to find yourself in. Carriage surfing shenanigans don’t fly in a world that wants you dead.

OK, Carameinda. I’m inclined to be pro-Caramelinda. Like, she’s the hardass but she needs to be because Amethar isn’t helping run the kingdom. If this was a different story, she wouldn’t give me any pause but I read Macbeth and feel some light Lady Macbeth vibes. Gonna be keeping an eye on her.  

Calroy and Sir Toby (didn’t mention him, he’s a slightly lower ranked Gummi Bear guard and friends with Theo). In a story like this, I’m looking for the possible betrayals before I get blindsided and the only people who can really betray you are people who are supposedly loyal to you. Calroy had a little aside with Amethar about how he shouldn’t be the Emperor if he doesn’t want to be--which isn’t wrong but is also something someone angling to keep him off the throne for other reasons would say--and Sir Toby decided to stay behind to help hold down the fort--again, either an innocuous decision, or angling to be left alone and to his own devices. 

Whatever is going on with the Sugarplum Fairy and Lapin? Do not care for that one bit. I understand that a Warlock pact is mechanically very similar to a Paladin oath and a Celestial Warlock pact is even moreso but guess what? Still don’t trust it. I know Ruby’s Arcana check said that she’s generally a chill spirit but I still don’t trust it. And getting Wishes from your follower? Weird and suspicious. What’s your game, lady?

Emperor Gustavo apparently has a daughter who is barred by law from taking the throne when he dies. That sounds like a very strong motive for *something* at some point down the line. 

I’m a little concerned Jet is being catfished by this Avocado. First of all, not a sentence I thought I’d ever write. Second of all, I’m probably just being paranoid. But that feels like a great way to get a princess alone for kidnapping or shanking or something. 

Update: Brennan did an AMA and, regarding the previous bullet point he said, and I quote, “You are right to be concerned!” so now I’m concerned about that too! Fun!

I’m concerned about the mechanics of how a slice of cake person works. Slice implies a full cake. Where is the rest of the cake Brennan? Where is it? And, like, Brennan said on the post-show stream that we’re making the “what do they eat?” question weirder than it actually is because we’re made of some of the stuff we eat but hey Brennan? If I could pick a flesh toned and textured apple off a tree? That would be weird, OK? And I’m sorry for everyone else who had to picture that but it had to be said since Brennan is insisting on walking us down this garden path.

I’m concerned about whatever the hell is happening with Liam. Disgraced dad, mom is a shaman of the local fringe religion (Sweetening Path, like Lapin), and his brothers want him to shank the king or something? No way this ends in smiles for everyone. 

Brennan said Pyramid of Food so I’m concerned about fruit rollup mummies. 

OK but more than anything, I’m concerned about the death rules of this game. Death in D&D is cheap but, in a campaign like this, it can’t be. I’m not super well versed in GoT but it’s my understanding that resurrection in that series is possible but rare. Brennan said he specifically didn’t let Ally stock certain healing spells and that’s very telling about how things are gonna be handled. I guess we’ll see in the upcoming battle episode how that works but my general thought is, I hope everyone made interesting backup characters.  

Five More Things

So, my thoughts on the new characters. I love Ruby and Jet with my entire heart. Watching Emily and Siobhan roleplay sisters and enable each other and hype each other up is so fun--or it would be if I wasn’t low key bracing to lose one of them sooner rather than later. Zac playing against type and Murph playing to type are both fantastic. I want nothing more than for Theobald and Lapin to continue sniping at each other. I hope that’s the first PvP fight of D20. Amethar is a lot of fun but clearly in over his head and I’m interested to see where he’s pushed. Liam is literally just vibing. Hope he doesn’t have to commit regicide!     

God, the House Rocks PCs are such a disaster family. I love it. The moment when Calroy comes in and is like, “The princesses have escaped,” and Amethar breaks into a grin and is like, “Dude, that’s so dope!” I was like OH, so it’s *all* of them, huh. But, honestly, this should have been on the “Things I’m Concerned About” list because come on. They’ve not all gonna make it. And then we’re gonna have to watch the remaining family members react to that? Oh no. 

Love Ruby’s bow. I have a player in my game who also has a magic bow that produces energy arrows because, truly, who has the time to deal with the logistics of how many arrows you had left after last fight? Magic arrows. Boom, done. Next. 

Getting bagged on by your Patron for not having a spell when she’s the one who gives you your spells is so funny. Also, Mending isn’t a Warlock spell which makes it even funnier. 

**I’ve given myself a 3k word limit on all of these to try to put some boundaries on myself but, Lol, prize to the first who guesses closest to the first episode I break that rule.**

[9r7g5h]

I have come to the conclusion that none of this happened. Liam properly hid his magic, Amethar was crowned Emperor and quickly set up a council to run the country, and everyone's alive and dandy. Caramellinda was called to come join her husband, and she's able to get over her mistrust of the outside world to join up with Primbalina to become an awesome duo ruling the country, with Amethar as their front and hype man.

Jet and Ruby stay in the capital with their parents for a bit longer, during which Jet and Anabelle begin a whirlwind romance. It doesnt start that way, it starts as just hero worship from Jet and Anabelle agreeing to train her, but they spend more time together and become closer and closer until one day Anabelle pins Jet against the wall with her sword, and one second they're trading barbs about how the other fought, and the next they're making out in the otherwise empty room. They make no promises, come to no agreements, and dont even talk about things for a long while, only having fantastic make out sessions after each training.

Ruby spends her time secretly learning magic from Theo and Lapin and even Liam, soaking up everything she can. When her sister goes off for her "training sessions" (which she totally knows is just code for making out with Anabelle. She's slightly jealous, because she did technically see Anabelle first, but overall she's just glad her sister is happy), she wanders around the capital with the Tart Guard in tow, looking for something to keep herself entertained. She eventually finds a performance troupe, and finds herself falling into her own kind of love. Both with the physics defying stunts the performers are doing, and with a young fructarian, a non-binary peach. The two of them become close friends, the romance that will blossom between them on the slower side, especially because of their differences in status. But Ruby is second in line, and she's happy with taking her time, just excited to see their smile and feel the warmth of their hand in her own.

Liam is always so confused about what he's supposed to be doing on the council, and half the time he just accidently offends people. It doesnt help that he gets another letter from his brothers, claiming that he's fully turned against the family by joining their enemies. But he like Amethar and Jet and Ruby more then his father and brothers, so he just shrugs and waits for someone to tell him what to do. And after a long talk with Caramellinda, they figure out the perfect position for him - Master of the Harvest. Usually a position that goes towards one of the more plant based people, its agreed upon that his knowledge of seeds, of all types, greatly surpasses those of many others, especially for his young age. So he's given a group of guards who understand the magic of druidcraft (which Brennan did say was allowed) and sent off on missions to inspect the crops from each region, returning frequently with reports and his bag full of seeds to show off to his favorite cousins. He has a brief engagement with Primsey, but she's too in love with her lost beu, and he's honest with the fact that he doesnt want to have sex and so wont be able to give her kids. She fully accepts that, and they still stay great, amazing friends. He's always welcomed in her home in the Dairy Islands. Eventually, while it's just him and Preston and his guards for a long while, he does find a kindred spirit in a meat person, a Turkey druid who also doesnt want romance or sex but would love to be held and loves seeds. They strike up a very quick friendship, and soon become the closest either will ever be to a couple. Best friends, traveling the world to look at seeds, holding hands cause they're both aro ace and dont care if people think they're gay.

Lapin manages to keep his secrets from the world at large, though his companions all know the truth, eventually. He works in secret to undermine the Bulb, and allow other religions to sneak their way into being acceptable again. It takes a long time, but eventually he succeeds, in a fashion. The Bulb is still seen as the supreme god, but the Sugarplum Fairy and the Carnivorous Creatures and all the others we dont know about are more seen messengers of the Bulb. Holy in their own right, fighting against The Hungry One in their own right, made of and from the Bulb, if not the Bulb themselves. The true believers of these other religions just roll their eyes and nod, but hey - its progress, and the magic granted by these other beings slowly beings to sink back in and return to Calorum. Lapin is able to eventually relax into his true passion - arguing with that dumb brute of a body guard and teach the future children.

Speaking of the brute, Theo continues to enjoy his job. He loves being a guard, loves training other guards, and when they're still at the capital, he loves training Ruby and Jet. When they're gone, he throws himself into training everyone else, and honestly enjoys himself. He is a war guy, though he's fully adapted to peace, and is just happy to see how the word continues to prosper. When he's not working, he fight with Lapin, drinks and plays games with Amethar, and goes on long walks with Sprinkle. He's an old man, gets to be Lapin's age, though their advanced ages doent stop either of them from constantly going at each other, and just enjoys his life in the capital. He sometimes regrets not having his own family, but the remembers that he does, they're just named the Rocks.

Going back to where we left off the Rocks, rules of Candia, soon enough ways must be parted. Liam's gotten used to saying goodbye to Ruby and Jet, so when its decided that Jet must return home and take up the mantal of Queen, its not hard for him. It is for everyone else, though. Theo is torn about letting this little spitfire go home alone, and Lapin is sure she needs at least another decade of schooling before she'll be ready. Caramelinda is of the same mind, and would go back to continue ruling instead if she wasnt so integral to ruling the rest of the world. Amethar is sure Jet will do fine, she's great, but this is his little girl. He's had to leave a few times, yes, but she's never had to leave him. It's hard.

And Ruby. The two talk for a long, long time, but eventually decide to part ways. Just for now, of course, nonetheless, they have different paths to walk. Ruby is starting a life here in the capital, with their parents and her peach datemate, and it really seems like the circus thing is going to stick. And in court, the few times she's sat in on a meeting, she's been able to provide the common point of view, which has been severely lacking. She likes being helpful, in a non-stressful kind of way. And so, even though she knows Jet needs to go take her place as Queen of Candia, she wants to stay.

And Jet is hurt, because she's the only one in the family who has to leave, and she at least thought Ruby would come with her. But, instead of trying to force her, or find a way to stay, Jet, instead, hits the books. She begins searching through everything she can, putting off her return one more week ("I guess Cal has a decent hold on things for the moment," Emperor Amethar agreed when she told him her plans) to find what she needed. And what she needed was a long distance messaging spell, that Lapin helped to modify. A tether between the two, one they could open at any time, to allow them to speak to each other whenever they wanted. A twin messager, if you would, that allowed them to always be with each other.

That done, Jet said her goodbyes to her family, and went to say her lost goodbye to the woman who has stolen her heart. Only to find her gone, Captain Anabelle Cheddar's ship having set sail in the middle of the night. She kept a straight face, though the moment she was on the road, alone besides the Tart Guarda and the Imperial Soliders her dad had sent with her, Jet opened the channel with Ruby and cried.

It was a rough week of traveling. Not because of any danger, no, it was smooth on that front. But because for the first time in her life, she was going to be alone. It was easier, having Ruby to still talk to, to pass along messages to their parents and friends, but still, it hurt to not have an actual hug when her heart was breaking.

It hurt so bad, she didnt notice the strange ship at port when they passed through their one town that accessed the ocean, only a day's meep ride away from the castle. She didnt notice the strange visitors who joined the crowds there to welcome her home – she was so focused on keeping an excited face.

She only noticed when she entered the throne room, calling for Cal, the only adult figure currently in her life who could give her a hug and promise everything was going to be ok.

Only then did she notice Captain Anabelle Cheddar, playing with a knife as she sat on her throne, ignoring the guards who were trying to scold her. Anabelle, who looked up as Jet entered, and greeted her with a giant smile, welcoming and excited to see her. Anabelle who stood, walked over, and pulled her into a long, deep kiss.

Both of them would soon come to reconsider their positions on marriage, if they could marry the woman next to them. Lapin would get to work, poking and prodding the church to make it allowed, and with Amethar blessing this union, they made it work.

And Amethar? Being Emperor was hard, though less so with support. He learned how to show Caramelinda that he appreciated her, learned how to be a better husband and kind, learned what his actual duties were to the people under his command. Something he should have done a long time ago, but just hadn’t had the will to do so. But now everything was in his court, literally, and he had to do what was right.

And he fell back in love with Caramelinda, all over again. They had been in love before, back when he was fifth in line, before the war. But then time and distance had parted them for so long, and he had fallen for another, a young woman from the Dairy Islands. They had met, married, had their wedding night before war had once again parted them. He finally sat down with Jack, and got the full story – a bit over a year later, the young dairy woman had married a young farmer, they had had children of their own, and a decade ago she had passed from some cheese illness Amethar couldn’t even pretend to understand. He was sad, but was glad that she had had a good life, since he had loved her, in the way that death and violence and needing someone to be there grew a kind of love.

But that was done now. Not gone, but like a closed book, and with that closure, the part of Amethar that had been resisting the life he now had felt a little bit more settled. He still hated every bit of being king, still played hooky with Cal when he visited from being Candia’s advisor or Theo whenever he could, but he tried. He showed Caramelinda how much he appreciated her, and actually finally learned how to read, and figured out names and stations so he could help make the world a better place, and it was worth it.

It was worth it to fall back in love with Caramelinda, to actually feel the flips in his stomach that she used to give him, back before when he was young and before war had broken something inside of him. It was worth it to see that smile of hers, and know that she was feeling it too, the love they had both wanted and struggled for for the last twenty years. It was worth it to kiss his wife and actually be happy.

And damn it, if Gustav’s last prank was to make him responsible for the entire world, then at least he was by the side of the best of wives and best of women, Caramelinda of the house of Rocks.

And it was worth it, in the end. It was worth it to help Lapin out whenever he could, slowly reshaping the church so it better fit the world they were making. It was worth it to watch Theo train the next generation of guards into a fighting force that almost surpassed himself, guards loyal and loving and just as kind and as great a friend as Theo was himself.  It was worth it to see Liam grow into a confident young man, sure of himself, instrumental in helping to ensure the continent was properly fed. It was worth it to watch Ruby become a master performer and spy, passing on the commoner’s thoughts of him and his empire so adjustments could be made, so the masses could be protected and cared for and satisfied without fear. In fact, many sought out Ruby, knowing she had the Emperor’s ear, and could pass on what they were scared to say to his face, for even though he was a good, kind ruler, a fear of rulers still existed. It was worth it to see Queen Jet and Queen Consort Anabelle rule his old home with kindness and love, their union having strengthened the Candian alliance with the Dairy Islands.

It was worth it, as age crept in, to sit there, holding hands with the love of his life, watching as a chocolate milk girl wrestled with a cobbler boy, all while two little cheesecake children slept in their laps. It was worth it to lean over and kiss Caramelinda’s cheek, to see the love pouring from her as they watched over their grandchildren, knowing that soon their friends and the rest of their family would be in one room again, and that none of them would ever have to be war people. It was worth it to know that, because of their efforts, all they would know was peace, and if the most these children ever became was a ruler, or a performer, or a knight, or a warlock, or a seed guy, all because of their efforts?

It was enough.

Except for poor Thad who, as far as they knew, was still in the alley.

[adaine]

i feel like while Cara would HATE Liam for assuming the throne, she would back him. After all, whether or not Amethar is alive, he was never a good king not even close. And while i do believe Jet and Ruby would see him as a traitor, they do believe him to be family. They run, and they run and they find Cumulous, who of which at this point has contacted (Theo/Lapin/Cara/Or liam himself) And Together they meet the witch queen. Jet and her would clash, and it would cause a lot of trouble(1/???)

After jet and Saccharina clash, it becomes widely known that magic will never go away, especially in Candia. The Pontifex is clearly still getting a direct line of information from Cal. However, Chibotta still has not acted upon much other than getting dirt on other senators. Lapin is deeply suspicious of Cal and of course has intercepted several letters and memos between the big bads. Cara has been appointed an adviser privately by Liam on recommendation from Lapin.(2/??)

Cara being advisor to the traitor boy king, things go a little smoother. Then Theo cannot handle the shell he has become at castle candy, it doesn’t feel right to not be with Jet in Ruby during this time and goes off to join them, deeply disappointing Cara, and with soft goodbyes to Lapin. Cumulous continues to be the only form of communication between the witch queen and the boy, unbeknownst to anyone but him and lapin. However, with the political climate after the info Chibotta has found(3/??)

The senators successfully eliminated, Chibotta is now in power and in cahoots with the pontifex, as well as Cal. Cal has orchestrated a large amount of lords and ladies to claim that liam is in cahoots with the witch queen(which he’s not exactly, they need to plan her ascent to the throne perfectly, no one needs to die) and claims him a heretic once more. that’s when lapin intercepts at the right moment. No word gets to the pontifex. They successfully get Saccharina as queen in candia (4/5)

Saccharina is queen, 100% backed by the Dairy Islands, the spinning star, and possibly a large amount of Fruictara and the Meat Lands, including all of candia. They go against the church and the senators of Cersia and all of Vegetaina against them. This is where Liam can be his own War Guy, years of war once more before Candia and it’s allies(along with magic!) have won. Jet opens her magic kindergarten open. Ruby is in the order of the spinning star studying. And Liam is in the kings guard(5/5) 

how does it feel to literally have the biggest brain in the world omg. like literally im in awe ajfkdljk. let’s go part by part.

1. 100% agree that caramelinda would back him eventually! at first she feels that he’s betrayed both her current family and her past one (because by betraying magic he’s betraying everything lazuli died for). BUT caramelinda has always liked liam as was fairly obvious from their convo in the first and understands that he’s just a kid. so she’s bitter but she supports him because she’s a mother and she may not be his mother but she did help raise him and knows that he’s probably struggling and needs her guidance. jet and ruby would definitely come around too for the reason you said: they’re family, but even that wouldn’t be easy. also side note tragic we can never see jet and saccharina interact if ONLY

2. i think the church knows from the beginning that the only way to root out magic in candia is the crusade, even without cal’s info, which they’re getting a lot of. still, with a “dumb child” as their king they feel like they have control over it all and can exist kind of in that open secret place that they have with the meatlands because there isn’t a threat of the magic taking a higher place like there was when the king of candia was going to be emperor. as usually, the backstabbers are all out for themselves which is actually something that sets liam apart from them. they do what they do for power and he made this move for candia. lapin is a fairly wise guy, which is part of the reason he’s able to pick up on calroy’s deception. the other reason is that he’s also very charismatic and knows a deceiver when he sees one. after all, he’s been deceiving everyone for most of his life. what he lacks is the intelligence that caramelinda has, nor her head for politics. these are things liam needs in an advisor, so he persuades her to assist him, even though it isn’t easy for her. being his advisor goes a long way to mend their relationship and they begin to understand each other

3. theo leaving with jet and ruby is like a big deal. his allegiance is technically pledged to the crown so he has no place with the bastards. it’s hard to leave liam and caramelinda and lapin but the twins need him and, in a way, defying his oath to help them is a way to find himself and to embrace what truly motivates him again. meanwhile, they keep their circle tight because right now it’s the only thing they can do as they figure things out and prepare for the future

4. the real traitors do what they do. the pontifex, ciabatta, and calroy certainly don’t trust each other but they all share a craving for power and dethroning a child is the best way to expand it, especially now that a witch queen is emerging up in the mountains. sometimes being patient and waiting for the right moment doesn’t work out and the moment finds you, as liam soon finds out as lapin intercepts the letter. it’s their final moment to act and they do so, putting saccharina on the throne that she deserves.

5. saccharina is the best ruler candia has ever had, without a question. she listens to her people, is open with her politics, and is willing to fight for what she believes in. there is a war and there are some losses but, in the end, the people of candia are rejoicing. saccharina implements a true democracy because she believes in the ability of the people to choose their own future. liam gets to be a war guy but comes to realize, as he grows, that he doesn’t have to just be a war guy. he can be a seed guy too. he loves nature and he loves the small things in life but he’s willing to take a stand when he needs to. no matter where they end up in the end, they’re with family and, honestly, that’s what really matters, isn’t it?

[lovemychoices]

Before There Was You-2B

TRR X ROE

Song inspiration: Lauv- I like me better

Three years ago while travelling in Europe, Eve Sommers was involved in a car accident. She woke up from her coma two weeks later with no memory of what happened to her in the past seven months. Three years later and still no recollection about what happened to her before the accident. But all of that is about to change. Will she finally know the truth? Will there be consequences?

*THIS SERIES PRACTICALLY THROWS CANON OUT THE WINDOW* YEET!YEET!

Characters except my OCs belong to Pixelberry, I am just borrowing them

Word count : 2500

Chapter Summary: Eve takes Liam to her secret spot. Liam tells her the truth about who he really is.

Series chapter # 1 2A

A/N : This is my first fiction series so it will definitely not be 100% perfect. In other words be kind :). Feedback and comments are welcomed, also hit that reblog button if you like what you read. Sorry for any grammatical errors! 🤭

Warning : I’m rating this PG18 cause there will probably be PG18 stuff that’s going to happen in future chapters. So if you read this series you acknowledge that you are 18 and above.

BTWY Tag list: @thecordoniandiaries @leelee10898 @ao719 @annekebbphotography @desiree-0816 @rainbowsinthestorm @emceesynonymroll @the-soot-sprite @carabeth @cora-nova @charliejane-blog @dcbbw @hopefulmoonobject @cmestrella @jlpplays1 @pixieferry

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The next day after a quick breakfast the guys waited outside their hotel for Eve to come to fetch them. A familiar motorcycle parks in front of them. They watched as she and took off her helmet, suddenly everything began to move in slow motion, the way her hair swayed as she shakes her head letting her hair fall back into place. “Good morning gentlemen, I hope you’re ready to have the some fun today.” She grins.

Drake cocks an eyebrow. “Not to state the obvious but I don’t think we’ll all fit on that.” He pointed to the jet black two wheeler.

Eve chuckles. ”The bike isn’t for you, your ride is over there.” she answers and points to the back of the motorbike where a black convertible jeep is parked. Ruby gives a honk and a slow wave from the driver's seat. A sigh of relief escapes Tariq, it wasn’t the ride he’d expected but it was still better than riding one of those monstrous two wheelers.

“I call shotgun!” Maxwell shouts excitedly and ran ahead while the others followed behind him towards the jeep.

Eve grabs hold of Liam's right arm. “Not you Mr, you’re riding with me.” she grins and pulls him towards her motorcycle. She pulls out a second helmet and offers it to him. “Here you go.”

Liam chewed his bottom lip. As a prince, growing up he was never allowed to ride on a motorcycle. They were too dangerous as his father put it, not that it stopped his older brother but Liam was always the obedient one.

“Don’t worry Liam it will be fine, do you trust me?” She smiles softly.

Fck it. He thought and takes the helmet from her outstretched hand. He puts on the helmet before climbing onto the back of her bike. Eve couldn’t help but grin as he settles in behind her, she puts on her helmet and began to turn the throttle. “Hold on.” She says to him over her shoulder. “This is going to be one hell of a ride.”

Liam held on to Eves waist as she maneuvered through the bustling New York traffic, cutting corners here and there. As they are about to approach one of the traffic light started flickering giving a warning signal that it was about to turn red, he could feel the bike starting to pick up speed. She’s not serious is she? The thinks. They were about 150 meters away from traffic light there was no way they were going to make it.

“Hold on!” She shouted as she turns the throttle and changes gears. The speed meter went from 80 to 120 in just mere seconds. Liam closed his eyes as she zooms straight ahead. They manage to pass the traffic light just in time before it turns red.

He opens his eyes and look over his shoulder. “That was insane! I can’t believe we actually made it!” Liam yelled over her shoulder but Eve merely grins. It didn’t take long before they were out from the city. An hour of riding later Eve began to slow down and eventually stopped at a nearby tree. Liam hops off the motorbike and Eve followed after, they both took off their helmets.

“THAT.WAS.AMAZING!” He howls, feeling the rush of adrenaline through his veins. “It was crazy but also amazing!”

“I’m glad you enjoyed the ride, maybe next time you’ll be the one in the front and I’ll be the one at the back holding onto you.” She grins and gave a playful wink.

Liam takes in the surroundings, furrowing his brows. “Hey, are you sure we’re in the right place? This seems a little quiet and deserted for a beach party.”

“Oh no we’re in the right place, the beach party is further up ahead, I thought we’d take a little detour so I can show you my secret spot.”

Liam quirked an eyebrow. “Secret spot? Now I’m intrigued.”

“It’s a little walk up from here but I promise you the scenery will be worth it.” She grins and holds his hand. “Now common, we don’t want to waste anytime.”

She takes him to a cliff to show him a secret cove. “Don’t worry about the rocks just follow my lead.” She assures him. To reach it they had to climb down a rope which terrified him but she managed to coax him down. Liam had never met a woman like her with such agility and determination. They combed the beach for seashell that had washed up on the shore, then climbed onto a small cliff and sat there. Liam closes his eyes slowly inhaling and exhaling while focusing on the sound of the waves. He finally opens his eyes and turns to look at Eve who smiles fondly at him. “Was it worth it?” She asks.

“Everything and more.” He grins.

“Well then there’s only one more thing left to do.”

She grins and slowly gets up on her feet. She starts taking off her clothes one by one.

Liam eyes go wide open but quickly averts them the other way. “Wha- what are you doing?” Liam stutters.

“What does it look like I’m doing, I’m going in for a swim silly.” Eve chuckles. “I hope you brought the proper attire.” She finally manages to take all of her clothes off till there is nothing left but her black bikini. Liam could help but take a peak, mouth hung slightly then swallows hard as he takes in the site of her curves. Without any warning she stood in front at the edge of the rock and dives straight into the clear blue water only to surface a few seconds later. “What are you waiting for? The water is perfectly warm, come on Liam jump right in.”

Liam looks down from where he has standing , his knees were wobbling like jelly and he swallowed hard. He had to be at least 2 storeys high.

“I promise you it’s perfectly fine, you’ve trusted me this far haven’t you? Think of it as a leap of faith.”

What could go wrong? He thinks and starts taking off his clothes. “Just a warning, I didn’t think we’d go swimming so I did not bring the proper attire.”

Eve chuckles “don’t worry, I'm sure they’ll dry up quickly while we ride on the motorcycle.”

Liam takes a deep breath standing on the edge, he lifted both his arms in the air taking on a diving position and dived into the water with a splash. He resurfaced a few seconds later only to find Eve missing. “Eve?” He turns around to search for her. “Over here!” She startles him from behind and as he turns a wave of water cascades over his head. “Hey! That was a cheap shot!” He grins and returns a splash of wave back at Eve. They continue to splash each other till finally Liam surrenders. “Okay.. okay.. I yield! I yield!

Eve chuckles, her eyes wandered towards the rocks near the shore and mischievous grin forms on her face. “Do you want to swim to shore?” She asks. “C’mon— I’ll race you.” She immediately takes off in an elegant but powerful freestyle stroke. Liam shakes his head with a smile and swam after her. He’s body was fit and strong but he still needed the effort to keep up with her. They reach the rocks by the beach with Eve a few strokes ahead of Liam.

“Looks like I won.” Eve grins then narrows her eyes at Liam. “You didn’t let me win on purpose did you?” Liam chuckles. “No. you are fast swimmer, it was a fair face.” “Well as the winner I demand a prize.” She commanded lifting her chin up. “Oh, and prize did you have in mind?” Liam cocks an eyebrow. “How about a kiss from a handsome stranger?” She said biting her lower lip while batting her eyes flirtatiously.

Liam gives a soft smile he felt himself lean towards her closer and closer, his hands cup her face. Her skin was so soft underneath his fingers. Eve returned the smile, closing her eyes then lifting her lip to him. He moves that final fraction of an inch and then he was kissing her. Her mouth felt warm and soft as he slowly deepened the kiss. Breathing hard he pulled back to look at her, her emerald eyes glimmered as she looks back into his ocean blue ones. “Is something wrong?” She asks concerned. Liam lets go of her face, looking away. He knew this was the moment that he had to tell her the truth about him, about who he really was. “We need to talk.” He murmurs. They both sat on an outcropping rock just at the water level. Liam rubbed the back of his neck before letting out a sigh. “I haven’t been 100% honest with you, the truth is—.”

Oh god please don’t tell me he’s got a girlfriend or even worst married!

“The truth is I am not just some normal European guy, I’m—.” He pauses and turns to look her in the eye. “I’m the crown prince of a small country called Cordonia.”

Eve’s eyes go wide open, she was slightly taken aback by his confession. He’s joking right? This must be some kind of prank a crown prince and I’m only hearing about this now? She looks around her surroundings trying to see if there was a hidden camera crew somewhere or something.

“Eve?”

Eve lets out a nervous chuckle. “I’m sorry I’m just processing what you just said. So let me get this straight you’re a Crown Prince? You’re joking right?”

Liam’s lips formed a thin as he looks at her. His expression was serious he didn’t even flinch.

“Oh my god you’re really serious? So. Wow. a prince huh? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Liam heaves a sigh. “Well Maxwell wanted to celebrate his 25th birthday in New York with just as guys. To convince my father to let me go without bringing along a huge security detail, we promised to keep a low profile and I wasn’t allowed to mention to anyone that I was a prince. Because if anyone knew then—.”

“The paparazzi would start swarming in and you wont get to the whole normal guys just want to have fun experience. Not to mention the danger you’d be in without the whole security detail thing.”

“Exactly. Also people tend to act differently around me when they know what I am. When we met yesterday morning and you didn’t have the slightest clue who I was it actually felt nice. I like you Eve, which is why I couldn’t lie to you.”

“Liam.” She smile softly and held his hand giving is a squeeze. “I like you for who you are being a prince won’t change that. And there’s something I need to tell you about me as well.”

Liam stares curiously at her. “You’re not married are you?”

“What? No of course not.” She chuckles. “So a few years ago I was involved in a car accident and I woke up 2 weeks later with completely no memory of what happened the past seven month. I mean the last thing I could remember was getting a letter into med school, the rest after that was a total blank.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a part of your life just missing. Have you tried getting them back?”

“I did. I’ve tried hypnotherapy and whatever therapy you can think of but nothing worked. At times I could see patches of the memories they would even appear in my dreams sometimes but none of it ever makes any sense. In fact I don’t think any of them are memories at all, maybe they’re just things my mind fabricated. Trying to force myself to remember everything made my life miserable. So a year I realize I could either keep trying to live in the past and be miserable or move forward and actually enjoy life wherever it takes me.” Eve gives a faint smile. “I hope this doesn’t freak you out or anything, I mean usually when I bring up the whole amnesia thing on dates they would look at me all weird or freaked out.”

“Are you saying this was a date?” Liam grins.

“Only if you want it to be?” Eve answers. Liam moves closer, cupping her cheeks and leans in to kiss her deeply. He pulls apart but his hands still linger on her. “Honestly I’ve never met anyone like you Eve Sommers and there is nothing you could ever say Eve that would freak me out.”

Could this man be anymore perfect? she thought. Is it so bad that I feel like I want to kiss him again? A lite breeze blew towards them which made Eve shiver a bit. “Eve are you okay?” Liam asks. “I’m alright. It’s just getting a little chilly maybe we should head to the beach party, we’ve been gone for an hour and your friends would probably be worried.”

“You’re ur probably right.” He smiles ruefully and stands on top of the rock. “Shall we?” He asks offering his hand. Eve smiles and takes it they both climbed back up the small cliff to get their clothes and get change then proceed to head back to the beach party to join their friends.

***

“Woohoo! This party is AWESOME!” Maxwell cheers as he shows off his moves at the beach party. “Drake watch me do the running man!”

“No one wants to see you do the running man Maxwell.” Drake sneers while trying to avoid getting pushed around by the sea of people dancing to the music played by the DJ.

While Drake and Maxwell were in the crowd dancing, the rest of the group decided to take a break and have a seat by the brightly lit fire, drinking their beers while watching the sun as it set.

“Maxwell has been dancing for hours, how has he not run out of energy yet?” Ruby asks in amusement.

Liam chuckles. “That’s Maxwell for you, his motto is the party stops when he stops.”

Drake eventually gave up and joined them leaving Maxwell behind, he takes a bottle of beer from the ice chillers and took a seat on the folds up chairs next to Ruby. “I don’t know about you guys, but all that dancing made me feel hungry.”

“Oh, I brought something to eat.” Ruby beams reaching in for the basket next to her. She takes out packets of s’mores and a few barbecue sticks then passes it around to the rest of the group and they began to cook the s’mores in the fire pit.

“This is the life.” Drake grins as he leans back on the beach chair taking a bite of his perfectly burnt smore. “No fancy balls, no decorum this and decorum that. Just good music, good beer, some s’mores, good friends and Tariq.” He grins. Tariq merely rolls his eyes at Drakes comment. “Too bad we’re going back to Cordonia tomorrow.”

“You’re going back Cordornia tomorrow?” Eves asks. She knew that Liam would have to go back eventually, she just didn’t think it would be as soon as tomorrow. For a moment the groups is silent Drake and Ruby looks back and forth with each other.

“Hey Drake, maybe we should go check up on Maxwell.” She suggested giving him a signalling look. “Uh yeah.” He replies clearing his throat while subtlety nudging Tariq with his elbow. Tariq looks at both of them curiously, Drake narrows his eyes at him while Ruby tilts her head towards Liam and Eves’ direction. He finally gets the message and excuses himself as well.

“So you're going back to Cordonia tomorrow? I mean I knew you would go back eventually, I just didn’t think it would be so soon as tomorrow.”

“Yes, we leave first thing in the morning.” Liam heaves a sigh. “Believe me I wished I could stay a little longer, but I promised my father I’d be back in Cordonia by tomorrow.”

“It’s alright, I understand.” She gives a rueful smile. “Besides it’s not like this goodbye forever, you have my number we’ll stay in touch. Maybe someday when you’re free I might come visit you.”

“I’d like that.” He smiles. “I look forward to getting to know more of you, Eve Sommers.” “I look forward to getting to know you too, Liam Rys.”

​

[anjanettexcordonia]

The Spare One Shot: You & Me

Book: The Royal Romance A/U

Catch Up Here The Spare Masterlist

Rating: Mature (18+)

Pairings: Leo x Madeline 

Word count: 1,186 (+/-)

A/N: This is a one shot prequel to Chapter 11: The Crash. It’s just some insight into Leo and Madeleine with a slight twist.  

Please excuse any grammatical errors. 

Disclaimer: Some characters & some scenes belong to Pixelberry. 

Tags: If you would like to be added or removed please let me know. 

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Series Tags: @mom2000aggie​​ @indiacater​​ @sfb123​​ @hopefulmoonobject​​ @cordonianroyalty​​ @texaskitten30​​

“Kangaroos, Maddie..” Madeleine looked down into her husband's deep blue eyes. She couldn’t help but fall in love with him all over again every time she looked into his deep pools of cobalt with flecks of silver that sparkled everytime he smiled. King Leonardo and Queen Madeleine were in the King’s study discussing their upcoming anniversary trip to Australia. Madeleine adamantly protested two months ago when the King suggested The Down Under. The thought of crocodiles and venomous snakes rubbed her the wrong way. Leo eventually convinced her, he always got his way. Leo leaned back in his large office chair with Madeleine on his lap. “And snorkeling with stingrays!” Leo couldn’t hold back the excitement in his voice. “I draw the line at sting rays, My King.” Madeleine’s smooth yet feminine voice as she flipped through their itinerary with Leo looking over her shoulder. “Liam recommended it, why not?” Leo questioned with any eyebrow raised. “I am not swimming with stingrays..” Madeleine murmured. “I bet I can convince you, My Queen.” Leo kissed the exposed skin of Madeleine’s neck, a deep muffled groan rumbled resonated in Leo’s throat. 

A sharp rap tapped at Leo's study door. “WHAT?” Leo yelled at the door in carnal frustration. “Duty calls my dear.” Madeleine whispered. “We will finish this on the plane, Maddie.” Leo winked. Leo’s study door flew open and Liam walked in. “What d’ya want, brother?” Liam headed straight for the bar cart and poured himself a finger of a scotch. “So no word yet,?” Leo eyes his brother across his desk. 

“Ms. Wilson, have our bags brought down to the car.” Madeleine commanded her assistant as they marched from Leo’s study. The petite brunette was nearly running to keep up with Madeleine’s quick pace. “Have Lady Kiara meet me in my study.” “Yes your majesty.” Madeleine’s assistant quietly spoke before dropping into a curtsy and scurrying away. Madeleine being the intimidating and commanding personality, sometimes made it hard for her to express herself. Most people were afraid of her, others were too inundated by her presence, they stayed silent. All except Leo. He brought a side of Madeleine no one else knew or saw. They were happy. 

Madeleine slid into her office shutting the door. She palmed her desk and leaned forward letting out a deep breath. Madeleine had been trained her entire life to be Queen. Her and Leo were betrothed as what was custom at the time. They were an anomaly, an unlikely pair. They fell in love regardless of the arrangement sent forth by their parents before them. Sometimes the burden was too much. The weight of the crown suffocated her. 

“Your Majesty?” Kiara called through the door. Madeleine sauntered to the door unlocking it to let Lady Kiara in. “What’s wrong?” Kiara immediately noticed the exhausted look in Madeleine’s eyes. Kiara was the closest and only friend to the Queen. “Sit down Kiara,” Madeleine somberly spoke, “I have something to tell you.. And it’s not easy.” Kiara sat on the sofa without a word or question. “What I am prepared to tell you does not leave this room.” Madeleine turned away from desk to face Kiara. “Leo and I, we want to abdicate. Leo never wanted the crown. He only ascended for me.” Madeleine said matter of face. Kiara’s eyes grew wide as if her eyes would pop out of their sockets at any moment. “Madeleine.. what? I don’t understand.” Kiara mumbled. “I was trained for this. It was never my choice. Now, I’m making my own choice. I choose Leo. The pressure to produce an heir is too much.” Madeleine continued, “we have chosen not to have children and abdicate.” Kiara sat listening to Madeleine’s words. “What about Liam?” Kiara asked. “We haven’t told him yet. Leo wants to wait until we return from Australia. There’s a reason I am telling you this Kiara.” Madeleine locked eyes with Kiara. “Liam will have to have a social season since he doesn’t have a Queen. I originally chose the heir to the Greek throne, but that didn’t work out given their history. Liam will need stability after our abdication. It will rock the monarchy.” Madeleine explained as Kiara listened in shock. “What about Queen Mother and King Father? What will they have to say about this?” Kiara questioned. “They won’t be happy, but that’s why I’m leaving nothing to chance for Liam’s ascension. He will need a Queen. Will you accept the crown, Kiara, if it comes to that?” Kiara felt the floor drop from underneath her at Madeleine’s question. “You don’t have to answer now. Take the time while we’re away to think it over.” Madeleine could read the nervous expression on Kiara’s face. 

“It’s nearly time to leave.” Madeleine walked to the door and opened it for Kiara. Kiara rose to her feet barely able to keep her composure. The thoughts of fear and confusion racing through her mind. Kiara and Madeleine made their way out of the door. “Kiara, please keep this to yourself. I know it’s a shock.” Kiara nodded. 

“Maddie.”

Kiara and Madeleine both spotted Liam headed towards them. Madeleine let out an annoyed sigh at his nickname for her. 

“Prince Liam, and in the presence of others please call me Your Majesty.” “Uh, Your Majesty, May I escort you on your way to His Majesty?” “I’d be honored.” 

Leo tapped his foot waiting for his wife on the tarmac. She was always prompt and on time. ALWAYS. He was the one that was always late. He had a special surprise for her, and he was growing more and more impatient as the seconds ticked by. Finally after twenty minutes of waiting, Madeleine’s SUV pulled onto the tarmac. Leo ran over to open the door for Madeleine himself before Bastein made it out of the driver's seat. “Madeleine my darling.” He kissed her ruby red lips. “What are you up to Leo?” Madeleine raised a perfectly arched blonde eyebrow. “Did you talk to Kiara?” He asked. “I did, but then I spoke to Liam. Did you know he got the American pregnant?” “I did, but they aren’t going to work out. Liam is too confused. He will still need a Queen. He’s a bumbling idiot right now.” Leo explained to Madeleine. “Kiara or no Kiara, it’s still me and you babe.” Leo picked Madeleine up with her arms cradling her knees and her arms around his neck and carried her into their private jet. 

“I have a surprise for you, wifey.” Leo smirked. Leo had sprinkled rose petals all over the cabin of the jet. He had a chilled bottle of champagne and a gorgeous dinner ready for them. He had dismissed the staff so it was just the two of them. “Leo this is beautiful! Do we even need to go to Australia? We can stay right here forever.” Madeleine gushed to her husband. “I love you so much, Madeleine.” 

“Your majesties, we need you both to have a seat and buckle your seat belts for lift off.” The pilot came over the intercom. 

“I love you too Leo.”

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 5  Lapin’s Big Day

Aftermath

Right before the stream for this episode started, I saw the title and I thought, “Lapin’s Big Day? After last episode, how could it get any bigger?”

…

So, anyway, as you remember, while Lapin was mic dropping over at the jail, with Theo and Cruller, the rest of the candy crew were en route to their quarters and everyone is feeling the gravity of the situation. Jet is trying to stand in the prime position to protect anyone who might need protection. Ruby (who has given one of the watersteel daggers she took--and which were apparently never confiscated from her--to Jet) is vigilantly looking for escape routes as they walk and she’s so anxious that Yak flies up and starts helping her scout. 

As Jet talks about the changes she wants to make once she’s “king” (including considering installing Ruby as queen--platonically--which Ruby feels sends too Lannister a message) the more magically inclined members of the party (Ruby and Liam) feel a swell of magic. Liam feels like the earth around them is speaking and Ruby feels a welling up of Candian magic. Not only that, she sees a ghostly glimpse of both Lazuli and Rococco (who is smiling at Jet), but she thinks she might be seeing things and doesn’t tell Jet.

Liam asks Amethar if he’s in trouble and wonders again if he should just take off. Amethar says that they’ll protect him and, if he has to run, they’ll find him. 

When they reach their quarters, they’re met by Amethar’s cheese friends who are clearly upset by the assassination attempt and offer their protection. Amethar says they can handle themselves and they should worry about Primsy. Once inside the room, the kids start full Home Alone-ing it full of booby traps and Amethar sends for Cruller, Lapin, and Theo. 

And, speaking of, they, along with Grissini and a garrison of imperial soldiers are on their way to arrest Alfredi. Grissini is clearly nervous and asks Lapin to tag-team the arrest with him so it will have the weight of the church. Cruller thinks it will look bad if there are too many Candians involved in this arrest so, when the Tartguard shows up looking for them, he decides to leave Alfredi to them. Before he goes, Lapin suggests he look into boats for a possible speedy exit in the near future. Lucky for them (presumably, though I guess we’ll see) the people most likely to have spare boats are their friends, the Dairy Islanders.

Everybody else enters the Great Food Pyramid where Alfredi is talking to Senator Ciabatta in the presence of a bunch of Ceresian military (the actual Ceresian military, not Imperials like Grissini). Grissini goes into business mode and starts the formal arrest and Alfredi isn’t pressed about it until Lapin jumps in and asserts his authority as Primogen at which point she is suddenly outraged. Lapin publicly asserts that she made the daggers (gasps from the crowd) which she denies. Ciabatta for his part steps aside and lets the arrest happen. Alfredi tries to run but Grissini’s men tackle her and perp walk her out.     

Ciabatta is being awfully chill about this whole thing and he kinda seems like he’s waiting for everyone to leave so he can talk to Lapin. Theo goes to make sure Alfredi gets properly jailed. Once they’re gone, Ciabatta says that Lapin was very bold to come in and arrest Alfredi basically on her home turf, a compliment Lapin demurs. Ciabatta suggests taking a walk and Lapin agrees. Before they leave, Ciabatta looks at some of the other senators who were also with them but on a Nat 1, gleans no info. Ciabatta says that it’s a little odd that with all the might of Ceresia, no one thinks they’re a big enough target to take down with back to back assassination attempts. He does not seem to have a high opinion of Alfredi and offers Lapin a chance to come with him on a sneak mission (along with anyone Lapin wants to bring) to figure out what’s what on Alfredi. Lapin agrees and gives him a card with Illusory Script so that whatever messenger he sends will hand it back to him as a calling card and he can verify it’s legit.

He tries to get a read on Ciabatta to see what this guy is about and on a 19 Insight and a 24 History, he knows that he clawed his way from the bottom of the social pecking order to become a senator 4 years ago. He’s a great fighter, a war hero, and he “rules”.

At the jail, Theo makes sure Alfredi is secured (she’s gagged in addition to being bound so she can’t cast spells) and then heads back to the Candian quarters.

Rewards and Recon 

Once everyone is back together, Amethar sends Lady Donetta to entertain the Swirlies so he only has the people he truly trusts in the room. They lock the door, Ruby magics up some music to mask their conversation, and then Amethar declares that, as of now, secretly but officially, they are at war with whoever is trying to kill him. The kids all offer themselves up as spies/protection but Amethar is not about them risking themselves like that. 

As they discuss that, a Tartguard shows up and announces that the winners of the unfinished tournament are being honored, meaning Theo (who unhorsed--unmeeped?--Plumbline) and Liam (who was leading the archery competition) have been summoned to the emperor to receive their boons. Liam’s is just a cabinet appointment basically but Theo’s requires thought because he gets to nominate a candidate for emperor. They consider nominating Plumbeline as a good faith gesture but Amethar thinks it will probably be bad for politics to have an unbroken line of succession. Ruby think about Annabelle but they all agree it’s a bad idea (and she’s cool enough as is). Theo suggests Caramelinda but Jet, knowing her mom and her isolationist tendencies, thinks it’s a bad idea. Theo’s name is thrown in but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea and Liam suggests his traitor dad which Cruller full, like, soda out of his nose laughs at. Cruller also suggests nominating Amethar himself as a safe option, even though he’s already a lock, because there are some legal/procedural protections he gets that way. 

Lapin tells everyone about the meeting with Ciabatta and Ruby and Jet volunteer to go with him (when Ciabatta sends for him) and Amethar goes with Theo/Liam to the emperor while Cruller holds down the fort. Liam casts Pass Without Trace on everyone for some extra sneaking mojo.  

The winners and Amethar make their way to see the emperor and run into Annabelle, the other champion, on the way. Plumbeline is there too and she apologizes to Theo who accepts it gracefully. Liam fully puts his foot in his mouth and asks Annabelle why she didn’t want to marry and she just goes off on him and his lack of tact, finishing with some Charm School 101 and the advice that he should, when he meets someone, give a simple compliment not related to appearance or anything personal and then bail from the conversation. Advice that he immediately uses in the next scene when he meets the emperor and says, “I really like your infrastructure,” and I cannot explain to you how good that setup/payoff was, you just have to watch it.

Annabelle says that there are two things she really wants (one for herself and one for her country) then asks that the emperor request that the Pontifex release Stilton Cordeau (the suspicious little cheese dude Primsy was flirting with) from his Bulbian vows (including celibacy)--he entered the clergy young and then his older brothers died at sea--so he can marry Primsy. The Candians gathered are flipping out internally but can’t really say anything without causing a huge scene and probably an international incident (AGAIN). Theo’s turn is next and he has a lot of angst about who he's gonna nominate to be emp--lol no I’m kidding. Murph pulls out a pre-made scroll irl, unrolls it, and rattles off all of Amethar’s titles, nominating him, obviously.

Official business taken care of, everyone but Amethar and Plumbeline leave. Once outside, Liam expresses surprise to Annabelle that Primsy has a love interest (I half expected Annabelle to accuse him of TMI again) and Annabelle says they’ve kind of been seeing each other since they were young but it was complicated what with her having other official suitors and him being promised to the church. Theo thinks this is a way for the Bulbian church to get into politics more directly by putting one of their guys in power but Annabelle thinks they’re pretty in it already. When asked by Theo, Annabelle says she doesn’t really care about Cordeau but she’s OK with him if he makes Primsy happy. When asked by Theo if she cares about Primsy (Charisma Check, disadvantage--rolls a 2) she gets really upset and basically tells him to F off and leaves.

Back in the room, Uvano tells Amethar point blank, get ready buddy. It’s you. Amethar asks if he can appoint Plumeline to his council and she seems very happy about that. Uvano tells his daughter to get the official papers to declare it but Plumbeline says the Pontifex is holding on to them for some reason. He says to get them, even if she has to disturb her.         

Speaking of, Onionpatch (the Primogen from Greenhold) shows up at the Candian Quarters to fetch Lapin on behalf of the Pontifex. That’s basically a summons from God so he has to go, even though he has that meeting with Ciabatta. He trusts Ruby and Jet to go in his stead and leaves with him. 

Ruby and Jet have a little chat about how they’re always treated like children (though it’s probably partially their fault) and Cruller is like girls, we let you in on the war council today and you’re going on a spy mission in like ten minutes. We respect you.  

A Tartguard shows up with Lapin’s note (Zac, with a successful roll, retcons that he in the moment made it so that his friends could read his secret message/watermark too) now with added info, the symbol of a bakery. They sneak over to the bakery (Ruby the rogue getting a crazy 36) and they spot Ciabatta dressed in peasant clothes (as they also are). They sneak to an abandoned but gated palazzo (big, fancy, Italian-y house) outside the Great Food Pyramid and break in. As they enter, an assassin tries to get the drop on them but Ciabatta ices him immediately and takes the guard as proof that this is Alfredi’s secret house. There’s a lot of Bulbian imagery but Ruby can tell that they’re mismatched and BS, like painting random hieroglyphs on a set piece for flavor.   

Ciabatta opens a door at the top of a set of stairs and they find themselves in an alchemical lab that’s just full of interesting stuff:

Ruby finds pure water and Jet finds mold both super deadly weapons. These are like tools for bioterrorism. They talk about how to get rid of it and Ciabatta says they’ll leave an anonymous tip to someone who can safely handle it. 

Ciabatta finds eye-droppers and, upon using them, his eyes glow like Alfredi’s do, exposing her as a fraud of a miracle worker (I wonder if she has artificer stats).  

Jet finds the schematics for making the water daggers and Ruby can tell that it’s instructions on how to make milk silk in a weird mix of Lacra and Fructerano (both languages she speaks--she must have paid SOME attention in school, or hung out with a bunch of multilingual circus peeps I guess) that would be common in the Yogurt Shoals. The recipe for milk silk is the same as how to make water steel, you just sub some ingredients. Also, Yogurt Shoals is the home of House Bleu! Home of Stilton--the heir--who is now, suddenly, able to marry. Emily feels very vindicated with her pasta/cheese connection from earlier.

Ciabatta finds a bunch of papers and starts burning them or taking them with him. He says that Alfredi was an expert on blackmail collecting (s/t very common in Ceresia) and the room is full of blackmail. He takes the Ceresian blackmail and implies that he’s gonna use it to clean house back home so Cersia can be honest again. 

Jet looks for Candian blackmail and finds none, though she finds notes from the Pontifex about the Profidian Heresy and the Ramsian Doctrine--two terms she doesn’t recognize. 

Anyway, they sneak back out, Ciabatta stone cold carves up the assassin's body for the birds (which begs the question of what the birds are made of but we still have a lot to get through so let’s just keep moving right along) and they part ways. 

Lapin’s Big Day (Part 2)

Lapin is brought to the Pontifex who is, in a word, livid. She asks Lapin where the power of the church comes from and his answer of, “The Bulb and those it shines on,” does not make her any happier. She full SLAPS him and starts ripping him apart for publicly arresting Alfredi--making fools of them and weakening their position with the public--instead of letting the church handle it privately. Lapin says, since Alfredi and Kerradin are in the church, he doesn’t have a lot of faith that the church, as it stands, can handle their own business which was NOT the right thing to say.

The Pontifex gives him an ultimatum: Are you a Candian or a Bulbian official first? Lapin, doing as he’s always done, lies and swears to the church. The Pontifex says that this situation can still be salvaged. Alfredi will be tried privately and hanged publicly (gonna be a real fig leaf of a trial it seems) and then there’s the matter of Candia which is not in good standing with the church. There’s still that little matter of the magic on the Sucrosi Road. Lapin is quick to defend Ruby but it isn’t Ruby she’s targeting. It’s the much easier scapegoat: Liam, the traitor’s son who publicly did magic earlier the same day. She tells Lapin that he will arrest Liam immediately who will be put on trial for witchcraft, a crime with the penalty of death. Obviously torn (to us anyway) Lapin agrees to do it with an, “As you see fit.” He walks out with a group of knights to get the job done.

Back at base, Ruby and Jet fill in everyone on what happened and ask about the two religious terms they saw in the letter from the Pontifex. Nobody knows but there would be records of this stuff in a cathedral somewhere--it’s a big city. Based on what Amethar knows about Pangranos (which he says swings between an ineffective democracy and a destructive imperitorship) it seems like he’s going to try and install himself as imperator--Cersian senators are notoriously corrupt we learned in an earlier episode. They discuss whether the church is trying to get Stilton on the throne for the aforementioned reasons which leads to the news that Amethar was named emperor coming up and everyone is really happy for him.

And then there’s a knock at the door. 

They open up and it’s Lapin with a whole mess of soldiers. The head soldier cedes to Lapin and lets him formally charge Liam of witchcraft on behalf of the church. Amethar (and Jet) are like absolutely not and stand in front of Liam to protect him. Theo Messages Lapin like, “Bro, what is happening? Please tell me this is some kind of plan,” and, Lapin, who knows that he can at least assure Liam a real trial with actual due process and that he won’t get disappeared in the night, thinks this is the lesser of all evils. So instead of fighting, Theo asks if she can give up his weapons and stay with Liam in jail overnight. The request is granted. Liam, in a delayed reaction, flips out (valid) and the princesses promise that they’re gonna be A+ witnesses for him. He asks if he can bring Preston to jail and I thought they would have a problem with that seeing as familiars are a thing but nope. The pig is all good.

Before he’s marched out, Amethar brings Liam close. Liam, so deer in headlights, whispers, “Don’t let them kill me.” Amethar responds that he would die before he let them kill him.    

Liam (with Theo keeping watch) spends the night in a jail cell and wakes up to the sound of bells. The emperor is dead. And, guess what? The papers were never signed. 

The Rocks family goes to the Emperor's chambers where Plumbeline is crying. Amethar comforts her. Jet says that she only took a short rest so she could look up those two religious terms from the letter. She found a book with the info but if she reads it now, she’ll miss Liam’s trial so she takes it with her. Amethar offers Plumbeline an out from going to the church but she wipes her tears and insists on going.     

Liam is brought out. The Pontifex speaks and says the trial is being slightly postponed to deal with the emperor's death. She days the paperwork wasn’t finished but a successor was reportedly named. Amethar kinda prompts Plumbeline who stands and says that she was there when the Emperor named as his successor...Ciabatta. 

Ruby instantly calls her a liar and Amethar stands up and makes his claim (not happy to have to speak against Plumbeline but also not happy with whatever BS she’s pulling). Ciabatta, btw, is not present for this. 

With two competing claims, the Pontifex brings out the Book of Leaves--a Bublian artifact formerly belonging to Amethar’s sister, St. Citrina--which basically has Lasso of Truth powers. Lapin does a check to make sure it’s the real book and not tampered with in any way and on a Nat 20, knows that it’s the real deal *and* that he can glean info about the true nature of the Bulb from it with some more time. While this is going down, Jet is reading and she learns that the Profidian Heresy is an old belief of the church that the Hungry One is as powerful as the Bulb and they eventually decided that couldn’t be true and it was discarded as an official belief. 

Back to the action. The Pontifex asks Plumbeline if her dad really named Ciabatta emperor and she is compelled to tell the truth. No, he didn’t. Amethar comes in for his easy lay-up but, as he walks up, in a little side room, he sees that Manta Ray Jack is chained up and he’s had the crap beat out of him. And the Pontifex has a different question for him: Who is your lawful wedded wife?   

Amethar hems and haws but eventually is forced to admit that he legally married a woman from the Dairy Islands when he was younger and it was technically never annulled because of the war making things complicated.

The Pontifex, who is playing 4-D lightning chess, says that because he never actually divorced his previous wife, his marriage to Caramelinda was never valid which means that Ruby and Jet as bastards and he’s an adulterer in the eyes of the church, grounds for excommunication which she performs at once. Excommunication means no ability to hold land or title which means the crown of Candia moves to the next in line which happens to be Joren Jawbreaker (Liam’s dad--Ruby and Jet can’t inherit bc they’re bastards and Caramelinda has no claim since the marriage wasn’t official) who is in open rebellion with the rest of Calorum. Which means that all of Candia is now in open rebellion with the rest of Calorum. Which means everyone in the room can now be arrested as enemies of the state! 

You *know* everybody’s rolling for initiative, and I’m trying to not hold my breath because it’s gonna be a LONG wait until next Wednesday.       

Things I’m Concerned About

I almost feel like I should have a Things I’m Not Concerned About list this week to save time. What a roller coaster of absolutely insanity. And it’s only episode 5 people. It’s episode 5! You know that chart we all learned in school about rising action, climax, falling action? We’re still way on the bottom of the rising action part! There’s still so much buildup left but where is there left to go? This is like the end of act two of another story! What is happening!? 

Annabelle said she had one request for her and one for her country. Then she asked for something for Primsy which sounds like the country one but I’m not convinced it is. Like, it certainly could be but the phrasing of that and lack of clarification has me wary. 

I’m concerned Jet only got a short rest going into this battle. She got hurt at least some during the fight and I know she doesn’t need to regain spell slots but, like, a million NPCs are gonna be at this fight. This is not the one to come in nerfed. Like, I trust Emily to make judgement calls and Jet probably doesn’t have that much HP so a short rest might have done it but mmm, don’t love this. (Upon rewatch, she did get another short rest during the “who do we nominate” scene so maybe it’s fine but still...). 

I really don’t see a scenario where everyone leaves this fight alive/OK. You know that Smash Bros screen where it’s like, “Everyone’s Here!” That’s what this is like. Like, can you imagine trying to escape the White House surrounded by secret service? Gah, I really feel like I’m gonna be writing a eulogy for a piece of candy this time next week. And, for everybody else, this isn’t a fight you win. This is a fight you escape. I really hope Calroy made good on getting that boat.

Gah, there are so many potentially shady NPCs to talk about. It’s not gonna dig too deep into any of them but just a quick look on where my head’s at:

Ciabatta: Is he corrupt? And it just within his country (and thus, not really the concern of the Candians), or did he put up Plumbeline to nom him? Where was he? Was he not at the trial because it was none of his business or did he not want to be there when things went crazy. What docs did he burn? Just the blackmail on him? What has he done?

Plumbeline: Who put her up to putting up Ciabatta? What does she have to gain from doing that (or lose from not doing it)? It was enough to give up a seat on the council and contravene her father’s dying wish. Did Ciabatta have blackmail on her? Did the church make her do it to have an excuse to question Amethar (maybe when she went to get the papers signed)? What did Ruby miss on her 7 Insight check right before they went to the trial?

Annabelle: Did she really make Stilton a viable heir just for Primsy’s sake or does she have ulterior motives? And are those motives personal or fully in league with some kind of conspiracy--possibly the cheese one in particular.

Pontifex B: OK, so obviously the church is shady. We got that. But what is their angle here? Is it as simple as Candia is doing the magic they don’t like, let’s remove them? And which parts of this (or, more likely, *these*--there’s got to be multiple things in play here) is she actually puppet mastering? I’m sure some of it is just the church being shady just because it is. 

Stilton: I simply do not vibe with anything about him.

Just to put a fine point on it, if I--me irl--was attacked by people back to back, I would assume the attacks were related, but Amethar is a BIG target. It’s very likely multiple sets of people are independently gunning for him and multiple gunners always makes a mystery harder to solve.

Lord and Lady Swirlie are always around but being sidelined. Brennan keeps mentioning them and Amethar keeps stiff-arming them. I don’t know if they keep coming up because they’re secretly relevant or if Brennan is just a good DM (second is true regardless) but hmm. Related but not really a concern per se, I would like to know what Lady Donetta is like. She’s rarely around because she’s usually keeping the Swirlies busy. 

OK, so Lapin. Yikes. He was in a bad position to start with but now, I don’t even know where he stands. He’s a Candian, but just the day before he said he was a Primogen first, right? So, hypothetically, he should be able to escape this and stand with the Pontifex. After all, he’s a miracle worker for all she knows (unless she *actually* knows). You would give your official who was specifically chosen by your god the chance to do the “right thing” right? Would that be a wise choice to make? I could see him doing that so he can be their man on the inside. Lapin doesn’t die but Zac has to use his backup because Lapin is MIA. But if he sides with the Candians, he’s fully persona non grata with the church and he’s already on pretty thin ice. Also, if the worst happens as I suspect and one of the Rocks’ family falls, what position does that put him in with his patron? Yeesh, I would *not* want to be Zac next fight.

Just to also highlight this, very possible that even if we have no deaths, someone gets captured, stuck in a dungeon, and put out of commission for a long stretch of eps. I don’t think the church wants them dead necessarily. Except for Liam who they for sure want dead.

I don’t know how fast news travels in Calorum but Caramelinda is in for a SHOCK. Also, I wonder what was meant by, “What the world took from her”? (Caramelinda’s reason for not really caring about the rest of the world when they’re discussing whether she should be nom’d). Like, is it just general war stuff or something specific? Oh and, in case it wasn’t mentioned before, she’s originally from House Meringue, and that’s her house again now that her marriage is legally invalid. 

I think it was said that Gustavo was a little more lucid this time then when they talked. Then the Pontifex gets the papers and he just dies? Could just be a coincidence, but poison has been established in this story already at least twice and Liam even thought to check for poison (though he wasn’t able to) so I’m keeping an eye out. 

OK, this episode was A Lot so, this week, I’m adding a section to shout out the funniest parts of this episode and it’s called:

Sunny Side Up

Theo barking at the Tartguard, “DO A SADDER DANCE” had me DYING.

As did Murph going through the motions of the nomination conversation like he didn’t have a scroll ready to go that he’d made in advance.

When they Home Alone their room, Ally says, “I have a bunch of micromachines and they’re peppermint.”

When Brennan/Ciabatta was going through pronouns and Jet was like, “Or a spaghetti person,” and Ciabatta was like, “Tbh, that will prob be the case regardless.” Also, the very Brennan double peace signs at the end.

When they’re like, “We should make Preston King,” and Calroy is like, “Emperor,” like that’s the only wrong part of that.

Five A Lot More Things

Lol at Brennan going through the mechanics of the trial like there was ever gonna be a trial. 

Grissini, man. He’s at the fight and while I would not blame him for following orders I would love for him to be exactly who I hope he is and if not fully defect, maybe throw the Candians a sneaky Help action. I know hope only exists to be destroyed in shows like this but I want what I want, OK?

What an exquisitely DM’d episode. Giving the players an agonizing political minefield of a decision in disguise as a reward is brilliant. The jump between the spy stuff and the church stuff and then the whole lead up to the arrest? Like, I knew Liam was gonna take the fall for Ruby from last episode and that was still a gut punch. And then making it seem like Liam’s head was on the chopping block and then BOOM, nope. It’s actually everybody? The uno post by @aydaspastlives is both the funniest D20 post this week and the best description on the insanity that we saw. Most fun I’ve ever had being womped. Well done Brennan.

I realized this episode when I accidentally typed Pete instead of Liam because of the Peppermint alliteration that Pete had a peppermint tooth from like episode 2 onward of TUC. Connections! 

If you follow me for non D&D stuff know I’m very into Six the musical and I can’t hear the word excommunicated with doing it in my head like in Don’t Lose Ur Head which was jarring, as I’m sure you can imagine. 

We were all bracing for bastards but the bastards were with us all along! Very wild. I wonder if/how that reveal would have gone down if Amethar had died. And I really wonder if there is still another child. The Pontifex didn’t mention, but that could be a good pawn for later, both for her or for Brennan. Or someone’s second character, who knows? Also, I very much want to know more about this milk maid and how literal that description is. 

Edit: I can’t believe I forgot to mention this before but the delicious monkey paw-ness of Ruby and Jet continually talking about how they don’t want to be royal and then suddenly being branded bastards in front of everyone? Amazing. Also the little, “Call me that one more time,” from Ruby. So good.

I wonder if the protections Amethar got by Theo naming him do him any good in this situation.  

What does bread bleed, Brennan? Please? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me consider this? Also, why would Ciabatta just stick his hand in water like that? My guy, there are better ways to check the deadly poison other than directly handling it. 

Brennan really likes naming important religious concepts, huh? No shade, I genuinely think it’s great. 

I don’t know why I heard, “bacon steel” and I was like, “Plausible,” and then I heard “fruit iron” and I was like, “Absolutely not.”

Oh and just a quick note: Ruby and Jet double leveled last fight so I think they’re all caught up with everyone else now (but Liam might still be one level behind).

One More Thing!

This has absolutely nothing to do with Crown of Candy but I am still, as always, on my BS re: the Abernants and y’all should check out this amazing animatic by @crayfishcoffee. It is, hands down, my favorite piece of D20 fan art, absolutely period. I could literally go off for another thousand words but I’m being indulgent as is so I’ll shut up now. Go watch it! 

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 11 In the Mountains of Sweetness

Requiem 

The Rocks family is on the run but they’re also in mourning. As they sail up the Cola River, they stop to do repairs to the ship and pay their respects to Jet at a bright pink hill under a tree--her final resting place.

The remaining kids are in opposite worlds emotionally speaking--Liam is fully sobbing (which we find out later is largely him still being messed up over Preston) while Ruby is hollow and bitter. Amethar (after almost murdering a Jellybean farmer with poor timing who wanders onto the scene) eulogizes about how much Jet taught all of them (including that “to defeat monsters you must become one” which mmm don’t love where his head is at; also, Brennan says he seems to almost have this new sobriety which I think, mechanically, is him having taken a level of Battlemaster Fighter). 

Cara, also a wreck as you’d expect, wonders if Jet died thinking she didn’t love her and wishes Jet would have just listened to her--something that Ruby takes as blaming Jet for her own death, causing her to stalk off. Cara is too in her grief to really react but Theo goes after her. As he does, Cumulous notices that, for a split second, Ruby’s shadow seemed to be out of sync with her actions. But only for a second. 

When Theo catches up to her, Ruby gets really upset and says that she blames her parents, Lazuli, and herself for Jet’s death. Theo says that Jet wouldn’t have blamed her and that she died in battle, like she wanted. Even still, Ruby doesn’t know how she’s going to go on without her. Theo says that he takes comfort in Lazuli’s research and the thought that Jet might not be truly gone. She could be around and protecting them right now. “She was always protecting us,” Ruby says before mind-hopping into Yak and flying above the ship so she doesn’t have to deal with her emotions for the moment.

Once she’s gone, Theo breaks down for a second and then summons Sprinkle...to dismiss him. He tells Sprinkle he’s done a great job but he needs to go back where he came from and have Jet send a new familiar as a sign. Sprinkle tearfully leaves and, almost immediately (which is not how the spell traditionally works btw) a Black Licorice viper shows up which Theo names Princess and which bites him for no reason. Feels right.

Back at the grave-site, Cara starts to walk away but Amethar catches her and leads her back to the ship. They run into Theo and when she sees him with his new familiar, she goes off on him: Oh Jet is watching over us? Who was watching over her? And don’t think I don’t know about your crush on Lazuli. I have one daughter left. You think you can do a better job at protecting her? That kind of thing. She goes to board the ship but Amethar stays behind saying he’ll be with her in a minute, something that made *me* feel like I was about to get chewed out by Amethar’s wife.

Liam remembers that Cal--the traitor--saved Jack and Brie and decides to (as he is wont to do) ask about it in the clumsiest way possible. Jack says that they didn’t meet up with Cal on purpose or anything--they just happened to stumble across him and, now that he thinks about it, it was weirdly easy the way Cal got them through enemy lines and stuff. He seems pretty on the level so Liam does his Ranger thing to check for danger while they’re docked.

Back with Theo and Amethar, Theo says he’s fine so Amethar catches up with Cara and says that she can’t turn on Theo like that. They don’t have a lot of allies left. On a dirty 20 Persuasion check, we are spared the marital spat of a lifetime and instead she just presses herself against him and he brings her into a hug.

Sweet Life on Deck*

*I knew I’d get to use it eventually!

The next day, as they set sail, Cara apologizes to Theo for taking her grief out on him and he’s very gracious about it--also assuring her that he doesn’t hate her for winning Lazuli’s affections as she suggested nor does he have a crush on her--he just strongly believes in her ideals.

Cumulous finds Ruby to have a chat with her about his favorite topic (well second fave after magical items)--death. Ruby says that, with Jet dead, all she cares about is revenge and that she’s dead inside. Cumulous, who clearly doesn’t have Inspiring Speech on his character sheet (or, if he does, learned from Kristen), rambles about death for a bit before saying that though they’ll all die eventually, she doesn’t have to die yet and gives Ruby his necklace from Lazuli. She pockets it and walks away.   

Liam, with his Ranger senses, knows they’re being followed but also knows that they have the jump on them so they shouldn’t have a problem staying ahead. Jack and Amethar have a heart to heart wherein Jack blames himself for spilling the beans about Ghee and Amethar says it’s not his fault. They reaffirm that they’re in it together for the long haul. 

In the night, Liam has an intense dream involving familiar snarling, heat, smoke, chocolate, and cinnamon. Ruby wakes up in the middle of the night with Lazuli’s necklace glowing a little bit. The glow fades and then she notices, like Cumulous did, that her shadow is a little off--but it quickly corrects itself. All messed up, she goes onto the deck and finds that she can suddenly see perfectly in the dark. And, on a Nat 20 Perception check, she sees that the eye of the Lazuli necklace is a little creased, like it has smile lines. It glows brightly and casts her shadow on the wall--except it’s not the shadow she should have. It looks like her except the hair--the hair is in a long braid. Ruby presses her forehead against the forehead of the shadow and finds that it’s warm. And, as she does so, she fully breaks down for the first time since Jet’s death and the shadow does so alongside her. (Mechanically speaking, Ruby took a level of Shadow Sorcerer).

In the morning they dock, having gotten as far up the river as the ship can take them. It’s a long trip to the mountains and Muffinfield--Cal’s territory--is in their path. They have the option to go through the town fully, take the more off the beaten path route, or a little of both but either way it’s gonna take at least a full week (and up to three if they fully avoid the town). They decide to take the hybrid route which takes them into Muffinfield to begin with. It’s a rich province and very Bulbian. Tons of Imperial guards, tons of churches, and, in fact, they see a church putting on one of those puppet show/morality plays. Amethar makes the, mmm, unwise decision to check it out and sees that it’s a play about the Rocks family, depicting him as a horny lout, Cara as an airheaded bimbo, and the twins as feral bastards. Ruby sets the puppets on fire and Amethar hustles her away before she can do something more rash.

After that, they get to the woods--staying for a night with a lady so old and out of touch that she doesn’t even know that Amethar’s dad isn’t king anymore. Theo thanks Liam for saving Jet’s body and they bond over how much rage they have over, like, everything that's happened.

The Gang Gets Scooped

When they get back on the road (with some not so hot stealth checks), they see a little gingerbread guy in a Peter Pan cap who’s trying to pull his friend out from under a rock. Theo, knight to his core, rushes to help but Liam, who’s on the warpath, decides to shoot him. An insane course of action but he’s not wrong because a net captures both Theo and the gingerbread man and this turns out to be an ambush. The “friend” was a doll and the Gingerbread man (Swifty is his name) pulls a lollipop shiv on Theo because of course. When Theo says he’s not pro-Bulb, Swifty calls for Gooey--the chief marauder who is this buff warrior woman with half her face melted (like melted chocolate) like she was badly burned. She and this chocolate viking dude (Jon Bon) discuss whether they should take the group to the queen, which they decide to do, shackling everyone (though Liam and Ruby successfully conceal their thieves' tools in their hands for a later escape). At the mention of the queen, the assembled marauders start chanting “Long live the queen”--harkening back to the mountain gratifi from two episodes ago. They take them to their secret hideout in the mountains while Swifty runs ahead to let them know they’re coming. 

All their captors are Candian but they’re all deformed in some way and/or have old Sucrosi tattoos and Sweetening Path stuff, ears of Ceresians/Vegetanians on necklaces (EARS BRENNAN?), and defiled Bulbian relics. They’re from all over but they seem like they’ve been living this life for years.

The hideout is kinda built into the cliff side and it has this big rock outside like the standing stones the SPF has (menhir is the technical term).  It’s also covered in a layer of snow and very cold. Magical light is glowing as they pass through the entrance. Cumulous can feel very powerful magic at work. There’s a ton of ceremony and fanfare and chanting in advance of the queen’s arrival--these people seem to really love their queen, and so do we because out comes Queen Saccharina Frostwhip aka, Emily’s new character (aka Rina because I’m not typing that every time)! 

She is this extremely cool (in both senses of the word) ice-cream sorcerer with a magic staff (Winterscoop) and two swords and is majorly serving sweet but frosty-cool energy. Liam and Ruby spring everyone from their chains and Rina aggressively sweetly says that she would have freed them soon enough. She calls herself the legal ruler of Candia and when Cara questions that she says that she has another last name: Ghee. Amethar, is like, “Oh shit,” but she says that she’s not here to force a relationship on him, she just thinks they can all be useful to each other, especially since she’s the legal heir as the child of his legal marriage and someone not in open rebellion with the Concord. Theo is like, “That all checks out.” He asks Amethar if this is actually his kid and he sees in Rina Ghee’s eyes and his own swagger. Yeah, that’s his kid. In turn, she recognizes Cumulous as a monk of the Order of the Spinning Star. She, like half the party it feels--is a huge Lazuli stan, can feel her magic on him, and believes in her mission. She says she’s seen Lazuli in her dreams when she was little and Cumulous in her sees someone who can, in a lot of ways, take up Lazuli’s mantle and start rebuilding Candian magic rather than just doing triage like the monks have been. He bows to her. Ruby is not having any of this though and says that Rina isn’t her sister or her queen.

Theo asks Princess if they should trust her--she’s saying all the right things but he’s wary--and gets a bite which tells him nothing.

Ice Feast

Rina, upon being told special guests were coming, had a feast prepared which is described as Robin Hood-y. Amethar is like, “This is cool but the Bulbian church is literally trying to kill us so maybe we focus on that?” Rina says that that works for her. All Amethar has to do is recognize her as his daughter and heir and everything will be square--if the church wants to go after them at that point, they’ll have to break their own rules. Ruby, who’s still being obstinate says that it won’t work because she’s clearly a heretic with an allegiance to the Sweetening Path but Rina says and Jack confirms that as long as you kiss the ring in public, no one really cares what you do on your home turf. 

Ruby accuses her of not knowing what she’s talking about because she’s been hidden away her whole life and Rina shoots back (still smiling) that she’s actually been traveling the world, building her followers from scratch which she had to do because she came from nothing. Amethar (who’s in the, I would have to imagine, pretty novel position of watching his daughters fight) breaks it up. Cara--who fully hates that not only is this happening, it’s also their best shot--takes Ruby with her to have their meal somewhere else and Ruby, who has found someone to hate more than her mom, willingly goes. 

Rina has a sidebar with Amethar where she apologizes for popping up randomly and upsetting his entire family. She always wanted to meet them and she’s sorry that these are the circumstances. Amethar says that it’s not her fault--they’ve just been through a hell of a lot lately and they’re kind of emotionally spent but she’s actually a huge asset to them politically right now and he’s sure that once things are calm, things will be different on the relationship front. 

Ruby can’t believe Cara is taking all of this lying down and Cara (who is full John Mulaney, “This might as well happen,”) says she can’t remember the last time she had a handle on her life which is news to Ruby who thought she *was* the handle. Cara hits her with the unfortunate truth that no one--least of all kings and queens--knows what they’re doing or can really control it. All she can control is what she’s doing next which is having a bath. Ruby decides to, instead, cast Invisibility and look around for anything suspicious. 

After seeing a bunch of stolen loot, weapons, and Candian artifacts it seems like Rina’s trying to preserve, she eventually finds Rina in her quarters. On a 25 Perception to Ruby’s 24 Stealth, Rina clocks her and whispers, “I’m not here to take your family, little sister. I look forward to the day that we are friends.” Ruby, channeling Adaine in a big way, flips invisible double middle fingers. 

Cumulous is in another room, just fanboy happy-crying over all of Rina’s magic stuff in some of the funniest scenes Zac has ever done which is saying a lot. I cannot overstate how funny Zac crying over an imaginary ring pop is.  

Theo also finds Rina and asks about her visions of Lazuli. She says it happened when she was very young and her powers were just manifesting. She was in a place where magic wasn’t supported and the connection was all but beaten out of her. But she can also sense Lazuli’s presence in Theo. Ruby, still invisible, pipes up that she sees Lazuli too so she’s not special and Rina shoots back that she can also see Ruby while invisible, which is pretty special. This dissolves into a little sibling spat which Rina says she enjoys because she’s never had a sister to fight with before. The comment sets off Ruby again who says she already had a sister and she’s dead and she can’t replace her. She runs off.

Theo and Rina speak a little more and she reveals that she doesn’t really care about the throne. She just cares about bringing back magic and destroying the church (which means she’ll fit right in with the rest of the fam--not really wanting the throne and plotting against the church. The family business). 

After the feast, Gooey brings out the war maps (moving the Jawbreaker flag away from Castle Manylicks and deeper into the mountain and putting an ice cream cone flag deep into the mountains) and a bunch of magic tomes which Rina starts reading. Ruby notices that a lot of the tomes are written in Lazuli’s hand, she had a way to tap into the SPF’s runes, and that she wrote some kind of warning about the SPF--Lazuli did not trust or revere the SPF. Liam sees a book with the same ice cream symbol as the flag on the map and it’s a book of lost beast lore--including an ancient spirit described on pages scented like cinnamon and seemingly bound in some way (and also amongst a lot of SPF talk): Dracoria Azucar (or, Sugar Dragon). 

Anyway, Rina says that the SPF has done a lot to suppress Lazuli’s research (she’s not sure if she thinks it’s too dangerous or if she’s hoarding it or what) including taking all of her coolest relics and findings and hiding them in a frozen temple--the Ice Cream Temple. She wants to loot that temple. (Note: She also mentions that Kerradin visited her orphanage when she was little which...Bad). She’s sent raid parties who haven’t come back but they weren’t super powerful--she has a lot of angry, rescued orphans in her service. The gang more or less agrees to her plan--even Ruby reluctantly, but Ruby hears the SPF on the wind, “Things that are wrong may yet be made right. There is more than one true magician in Candia, Princess and I await your coming and will be delighted for your wish to come true.” 

A Change of Plans  

In the morning, they decide Cara will stay with Jack and the marauders while they (and some of Jack’s men) go on their mission. When Jack offhandedly says that Ghee was lovely, Rina says they had very different experiences with her. Ominous!  

Theo asks what’s going on with the Jawbreaker situation and she says that they’re in kind of a pissing contest--he won’t recognize her claim to the throne. Gooey pulls Rina aside and informs her (for the first time it seems) that Jawbreaker has left the Castle because people in the area were being tortured by Ceresian soldiers (wasn’t specified but I’m guessing Imperials) to draw him out and now he’s pinned down in the mountains. Rina (along w/ Gooey and Swifty) consider that if they help Jawbreaker, he’ll be more likely to acknowledge her claim to the throne. But, if they don’t and they let him die, Liam will be heir and he’s already on Team Rina. In the end, she decides to tell the group and they are keen on rescuing Jawbreaker--even though Liam is concerned because he knows his dad will never give up the throne. 

Everyone seems pretty gung ho about this except for Ruby who is like, “Hello we’re super outnumbered.” Cara has a solution to that however. She’s been up all night reading Lazuli’s books and she thinks she can bamf them past enemy lines if they can get to the nearby Spinning Star monastery. She can get them back too but because there’s not a teleportation circle where they’re going, she has to basically do the magical equivalent of holding her breath or remembering a really long series of numbers while they get in and get out. They won’t have much time.

They go to the monastery (where Rina’s anti-monarchical sentiments wins her another new fan in another monk named Snicker-Snack because sure) and Cumulous kills a chicken for that sweet temp HP. Cara says, “Lazuli, please help me get this right,” before performing her magic and sending them all to a dark, locked, musty building. They can hear Ceresian soldiers shouting outside--and that’s where we end our episode! 

Note: You can find the art for the new characters this episode on the D20 tumblr here! Once again, Samir is coming for some of y’all specifically with some of these designs.

Things I’m Concerned About

I’m gonna separate my thoughts on Rina across these two sections because my thoughts are hard in separate directions. I *love* Rina but I have to be honest with myself and say that if she was an NPC, I fully wouldn’t trust her. She comes in at the exact right time saying all the right things and coming with a major plot solution. She says she doesn’t care about the throne and she only wants to destroy the church (something that would make sense considering the backstory hints the dropped) and we haven’t had PvP before but like...if there was a season to do it...listen, I want her to just be this cool orphan who sincerely wants justice and a relationship with her dad and sister if that’s on the table but I’m just keeping my eye on her. (Also, when Gooey pulled her aside to have that troop movement convo I feared it was going to go in a much more suspicious direction.)

There’s a part that I kinda glossed over where Brennan says Manta Ray Jack looked at Rina “bashfully” and Rina took it as, “He’s gonna ask me out,” and rebuffed his advances. I feel like that’s not what that was about. That doesn’t mean it’s anything actively bad--maybe him remembering her mom?--but idk, I don’t like feeling like I’m missing something.

Oh, and speaking of her mom? Rina saying he had a different experience of her mom than she did combined with Rina saying her connection to Lazuli was “all but beaten out of her” plus the out of game knowledge that something related to child neglect happens in a few eps that’s so bad that Brennan hurt himself...It paints a Bad picture.

Once again, I am Concerned about everything going on with the SPF. What did she mean there’s more than one magician? Was she referring to Ruby? Does she want Ruby to PvP Rina? She better not. 

Little concerned about Annabelle’s side mission to find Ghee. I was before but now I am even more. 

Five A Few More Things

I want to believe that Jet is both partially inhabiting Princess and doing the Shadow Sorc thing with Ruby. The Pontifex works hard but Jet Rocks works harder. 

OK, let’s talk about what I call The Inherent Tragedy of Saccharina Frostwhip (*such* a good name, btw). If Ruby and Jet had met Rina *together* (either during peace times or having rolled a high enough Insight check to clock her as an ally during the present events) they would have loved her completely immediately. She’s got Cool Big Sister written all over her: cool design, martial prowess and magic, anti-monarchy and anti-Bulbian Church BUT willing to take the throne in their stead. They would have LOVED her. BUT, Rina wasn’t an NPC. She was Emily’s backup character. Which means that, because of the way our world bisects the world of Candia, there is never a world where Jet is alive while Rina comes into play. That’s tragic, man. That’s the worst. And when I say that’s the worst, I mean the best. This makes for such delicious story. You guys know I’m a full sucker for sister stuff. Which we were already getting but this is *complicated* sister stuff which we all know is better. Like, if this is where we’re starting emotionally, do you know good it’s gonna hit if Ruby eventually comes around on her? Siobhan and Emily are catering to me specifically this season.

Also, that reveal? Within like five minutes, my theory that “the Queen” in question was Amethar’s first kid was confirmed, my circa episode 3 prediction that a twin would die and come back as Amethar’s first kid was confirmed, AND my prediction from last episode that the SPF was telling a technical truth about Ruby finding her sister was confirmed. (Literal) sweet vindication! Can I do lotto numbers? No. But plot points for a Candy/GoT mashup? I’m your gal. 

Lol at someone mentioning Ghee as Amethar’s wife with Cara standing right there and Amethar fully WWE bodyslaming that dude with tag-teams for the entire family.

People are saying it seems like Rina is a Storm Sorcerer which would be cool seeing as Amethar is a Storm Herald Barbarian. Family parallels even without really knowing each other.  

Cara--who better survive this or I will Riot--needs like a 6 month spa trip after this is over. What she is dealing with right now is untenable and she is handling it much better than I would be honestly. (But also her, “lol, my life is in shambles,” to Liam’s inappropriate question that didn’t even really register to her at that point was another comedy highlight of the ep. Icon, even in mourning.) 

Lazuli might as well be a PC for how important she is to this campaign. 

Ooooh, Sugar Dragon for Liam? Brennan has outdone himself. (Unless Liam is gonna have to fight the Sugar Dragon which I am also super down for. As I was just discussing, there are never enough dragons in D&D for a game that’s half named after them).

Shout out to this post for making me short circuit for a full second. Ow. 

It’s a little funny that Brennan laid the groundwork for Emily’s background character in the middle of the episode he knew was gonna end with him trying to kill them. Like, OK, your future is secure, now time to destroy your present!

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 17 For Candia (Part 2)--Mini Recap

Hey guys. It’s been a bit, huh?

I haven’t been on Tumblr a bunch lately because I’ve been busy as hell irl for a lot of reasons, but I also hate to leave a thing undone, especially when it’s so close to being done. So I decided to provide at least some level of closure for anyone who might have stumbled across these with no access to the ep and really wants to know how the story ends.

Maybe I’ll do a proper recap at some point but, for now, let’s wrap things up.

This episode is basically a series of Boss Fights standing in for the more significant but less interesting final battle going on in which the Rocks Family face off against all the Important NPCs.

Amethar and Joren together waste Grissini, Amethar saying that he might have been good to Jet, but he’s fighting for the wrong side. (Joren goes down but it’s never really resolved whether he survives or not. I feel like he probably did considering Liam’s epilogue.)

Ally gets their obligatory Nat 20 to intimidate Keradin for the rest of the fight by greatly shaking his faith in the Bulb before icing him. Then he sees the Pontifex watching the fight from the wall of the keep and makes a beeline. 

Amethar, likewise, sees Cal running across the castle wall and breaks from his unit to go after him.

Ciabatta shows up and I am reminded in the absolute DOPEST way that Ruby never used her watersteel dagger. “In sweetness there is strength, bitch.” Ciabatta is toast. 

White flags start to go up. 

Liam catches up to the Pontifex, does the insane amounts of damage that’s just like par for the course for him at this point, and drops her, taking St. Citrina’s Book. 

Cal tries to make for a secret tunnel to escape but Cumulus blocks his path. Amethar blocks him off from the other side. “What’s the last part of my title? Say it.” Cal, being forced to kneel by Cumulus, acknowledges his “Unfallen” title (throwing a man w/ the title “the Unfallen” off a roof and not checking to see if he’s dead is the very height or hubris. That’s some, “Not even God can sink this ship” levels of asking for it) and then attacks. Amethar gets 4 attacks back and his last is a Nat 20, activating Payment Day’s special ability: On a Nat 20 against someone who has killed a member of Amethar’s family? That person instantly dies. Boom. Fight is over just like that. Piece of cake. 

With all the Big Bads dead, the fight is more or less over other than logistics. Or at least it would be if Brennan didn’t have some mind games up his sleeves. As the fight is winding down, Ruby and Rina lock eyes and they both know they have a moment to turn the tide in their favor in their little cold war by attacking the other and striking first. Out of game, Brennan makes Siobhan and Emily decide secretly on slips of paper whether they each want to attack or show compassion. It’s a classic prisoner’s dilemma setup. If they both play nice, it’s golden. If they both attack, it’s even. If you play nice and get betrayed, you’re screwed. 

But like...it’s D20. It’s the Game of Thrones season of D20 but it’s still D20. 

They choose compassion, both of them. 

“Saccharina, you’re an astonishing leader, but I can’t be your subject. But please, I would like to be your sister,” Ruby says, and Siobhan keeps her perfect track record of taking me out in every finale. 

Rina has her guys stand down (to Swifty’s dismay). Ruby tells a skeptical Cara to stand down and choose family (which she does, snapped out of her paranoia by Ruby’s brave move).

Brennan’s attempt at PvP thwarted, Amethar swears on the Book of Leaves that he was named Emperor and Primsy--who is here in too for some reason--recognizes the claim. That leaves the recently (forcibly) vacated throne of Castle Candy to Rina. Which is great for her because Liam remembers the wish seed and uses it to just quadruple Candia in size, the absolute madman. 

We get epilogues! Liam becomes Master Gardener (and also casually says that he brought back the Pontifex and Kerradin to jail them which is wild because that’s not a spell that exists in this world--Ally just brute forced it in in the last second in a line so poetic that Brennan was just forced to let it happen). Cumulus takes a break from snapping chicken’s necks. Theo gets laid. Rina and Ruby do the sister thing and Ruby joins the circus for a while. Cinnamon becomes a vegetarian which mellows out his constant hunger. And Amethar enjoys time with his newly expanded family. For the first time in a while, things are looking sweet. 

A Few Notes

I’m going to fight the editor who had me worried about the “family is exposed” clip all season for the exact wrong reason. But also, gold star. Well played.  

Lol at Brennan not even getting his PvP in the GOT season w/ a prisoner’s dilemma. Like, give it up dude. Watch next season start in media res during a fight to the death to force everyones’ hands. 

On the same topic, very funny that the previous episode it was like, “Loyalties tested! Lines drawn!” and then this episode Theo was like, “Come on guys you shoulda just talked to me. I would never betray you.” It’s like he just wanted to have a dramatic moment. 

MVP this ep is Ruby with the watersteel dagger imo. Like everyone had their moment. And Amethar w/ that Nat 20 was dope but you were kind of waiting for that all season. But I totally forgot Ruby had that dagger. I, like, verbally cheered when she pulled it out. 

I haven’t watched the last AP or the behind the scenes special so I don’t know that much about unseen characters besides what I’ve glimpsed on Twitter/Tumblr but Amand Maillard looks very dope. 

I wish we’d gotten to know more about Citrina. Like I get that if you dump these players in a world, they’re gonna wanna take down The Man and often The Man is The Church and the Pontifex *did* need to go but sometimes people are just Good and I dug her (Citrina’s) vibe in the flashback we got.

I can’t believe Siobhan got me with the “Be my sister/Let me be your sister” stuff in back to back seasons. You’d think I would have developed some resistance in the intervening months. Nope! Weak as ever baybee!  

One Final Thing

One of the reasons I’ve been so busy lately is I’ve been working on my podcast*, Absolutely No Adventures, which is dropping in a tiny bit over a month. The trailer drops on Sunday so if you wanna check that out when it’s out, you can follow the show’s Twitter (@noadventurespod)! I’ll also link it here as my pinned post once it’s up. I hope some of y’all check it out! 

*ONE of my podcasts but one announcement at a time.

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 10 Blood and Bread

Come Together

Welcome back and I hope you took advantage of the opportunity to catch your breath because the Rocks family is granted no such reprieve. Fresh off the heels of Jet’s tragic murder by Ciabatta and Calroy answering the question of whether a cake can coup, we pick back up with Theo who’s foiled his imprisonment by making use of the skills Lazuli taught him and magically busting down the door. Then, he makes use of his other knight skills and absolutely eviscerates the shocked guards outside. 

He runs for the King’s quarters and, obviously, doesn’t find Amethar as he’s in a smoking crater outside, but he does run into Caramelinda who he immediately informs of the situation as best he can. Cara is confused, even as guards (Cal’s men) show up and start firing on them. She tries to get them to stop on her royal authority but Theo hears a lot more soldiers coming on a Nat 20 Insight and is like, “We need to go.” Cara does her own Insight check and has the good sense to follow him.

They run and Theo takes her into a little secret door in one of the hallways. Just in time too, because Cal walks by all camp-y kids movie villain, clearly telegraphing his intention to kill Cara, and tries drawing her out by saying some bait-y stuff about Amethar but Theo says they should ignore it and they escape down a spiral staircase instead of confronting Cal.  

Meanwhile, Ruby (still Invisible) runs across the bridge, feels Jet pass, and keeps running, all the way to the standing stones of the Sugar Plum Fairy. 

“Bring her back,” she demands, tearfully. “I know you can bring her back. What is the point of having magic if I can’t bring her back. Please.”

The SPF appears and gently says that the nature of the world is such that she can’t bring Jet back. However, it may be possible to bring them to Jet. Go north to the Stone Candy Mountain, she says. That’s where she is and where her sister is waiting.  

Ruby then sneaks her way back to the castle, and sees Kerradin on his way there with about 30 knights. On double Nat 20s, when she gets to the castle, she clocks her dad immediately. Cumulous (who was also in the general area Ruby just came from and can now see where she is based on the glow of her magic, though he doesn’t know it’s her) also sees Amethar. Ruby, horrified at the thought of losing both her sister and father within about five minutes, runs to him.

Liam, still in the lingerie shop, hears Ciabatta wonder where the “witch boy” (Liam himself) went and also gives away some plot info for free: Alfredi has been hanged and she was apparently the only person skilled enough to make watersteel daggers. They’re fresh out. They leave and Liam pops out of the Rope Trick. He checks the glowing chest and sees that all that’s in there is a glowing rock--ambush bait. He then wraps Jet’s body in tasteful lingerie (sure), puts it in a cabinet for later retrieval, and takes her sword and locket for Ruby before stealthing away to find the others. 

Amethar, fallen but not Fallen, unsteadily picks himself up, just in time to see the magic glow of his invisible daughter’s footsteps approaching him. “Pops, it’s me,” she says, voice wavering. “I think Jet is dead.”  Amethar gives her a huge dad hug as she channels some of his barbarian energy, vowing to kill whoever did this, and their children, and drown their lands. The very stealthy Liam and Cumulous also show up for this--Liam joining the hug and Cumulous just announcing his presence awkwardly when his name is mentioned. 

Liam lets them know where Jet’s body is and also gives Jet’s things to Ruby. Ruby takes the sword but haltingly insists that Liam keep the locket--it won’t work alone, and besides, Jet would want him to have it. 

Cara and Theo pop out of the secret tunnel and the kids instantly Perception/Insight check her (no doubt feeling burned after Cal’s betrayal). Ruby, on a 23, gets nothing sinister--it’s just her extremely freaked out mom. With that reassurance, she reveals that Jet is dead and Liam chimes in that it was Ciabatta and his men. Liam accusatorily mentions the letter that got them ambushed and Cara claims to not only not know about the letter, but to not know the lingerie lady at all.

Ruby lets everyone know that Kerradin is on his way and Cara says that most of the Castle Candy soldiers have been sent to Castle Many Licks on Cal’s orders. It’s mainly just Cal’s men in the castle--the castle that is currently being redecorated with House Cruller banners. Translation: They’re F’d. 

Amethar remembers that Manta Ray Jack is still in the harbor and--after talking Liam out of going rogue and tracking Kerradin--the group decides getting to him and making a break for it is the best bet. They pick a path that will go past the lingerie shop so they can pick up Jet’s body on the way.

They see torches being lit and hear dogs--clearly a search party coming for them--so Ruby uses Prestidigitation to scent the path with anise so the dogs will be confused (which Brennan rewards with disadvantage on tracking checks). Ruby and Amethar are both mortally wounded, but they decide that getting away ASAP is a better option than waiting to tend to their wounds. They roll initiative and head off.

The Sweet Escape

This is another unusual combat episode from Crown of Candy. There’s not so much brawling as there is running and trying to avoid fighting. I don’t think a play by play will be very interesting, so I’ll just give a quick rundown of the highlights. 

The mechanics of this is it’s basically a series of group stealth checks until they get to where they’re going. Ruby still has 25 mins left on her invisibility and Brennan lets her cast Mage Hand with a 1st level spell slot to keep Theo’s armor from clinking and giving him disadvantage for seven rounds. 

They fail their first round of checks and are spotted by hot-hounds (hot dog hounds, of course). Cumulous tells the group to keep going and he stays behind to handle it. He kills the dogs (yay?) but alerts other guards in doing so. Liam, with his crossbow, headshots the guard about to make trouble for Cumulous and then Cumulous steals his chariot. 

Ruby, cantrip master, uses her Mage Hand (feeling a kiss on her cheek as she does) to hold a lantern and send it in a different direction, creating more confusion for the people tracking them.

Cumulous, on a Nat 20 Animal Handling check, fully on purpose (and after taking a bunch of damage from being fired on by ballista) drives the chariot off a cliff.

We’ll get back to that.

Liam, four rounds in, remembers that, oh yeah, he *does* have Pass Without Trace which gives +10 to all stealth checks--a little late but a game changer nonetheless. As he casts it, Cumulous feels the call of something like the Hungry One but not the Hungry One and Liam feels that same weird magical feeling he did running from the Cathedral in Comida.

Cumulous, as he rockets off the cliff (killing the horses in a very Hardwon Surefoot move), uses Fluffwind (his staff) to cast Gaseous Form--dropping his speed to a snail’s pace but saving his candy bacon.

The rest of the group does stealth checks until they make it to Dulcington. Ruby sets a tent on fire with her lantern as a distraction and all of them have to cross a river (the bridge is occupied by guards). Ruby gets a Nat 1 and falls in but Liam gets a Nat 20 and helps her across.

Unfortunately, the initial splash into the river alerted guards and they’re run up on by Ceresian soldiers. But, really, it’s more of a minor annoyance. Between Peppermint Batman critting, Ruby doing some sniping (losing her Invisibility in the process), Theo desperate to not see another Rocks dead on his watch, and Amethar in a full dad-rage, these guys are dead before they even have a chance to attack.

Cumulous drops Gaseous Form and anime sprints back to the gang. 

Amethar and Liam grab Jet’s body and then run for the harbor with the others. Theo Messages Jack to get the ship ready because they’re gonna be there in a minute and they need to go NOW.

Enemy archers fire on them but they ignore it and just keep running. When they show up, Jack is confused but they’re like, “Sail now, questions later.”

Brennan says there’s no way they’re gonna get the ship going before soldiers catch up with them but he obviously didn’t count on Amethar going into a rage and just pushing the boat himself, snapping the mooring keeping it docked. As soldiers ride up on them, Ruby uses Mage Hand to help with the few remaining ropes and Theo casts Knock to undo the reins on one of the horses, sending the mounted soldier flying. 

They narrowly escape up the river, and that’s where we end our episode. 

Thing I’m Concerned About

This is something I mentioned as an aside in the last recap and it seems that it’s become relevant so I’ll be more explicit now. When the tear-away lingerie came up in episode one, it seemed like it was news to Cara (and I’m sure Brennan too because it was obv off the cuff). But last episode, the letter they got seemed to indicate that she was in cahoots with that person. But then in this episode, after a pretty high Insight check that indicated she was on the level, she said he didn’t know about any lingerie lady. Which seems to indicate setup, right? Which would make sense there was nothing at the shop and assassins waiting (assassins who seemed unsurprised to see the kids and not her for what it’s worth). But the way they got the letter, with Cara leaving the room, it seems like she would have seen it. So was that even really her? Is there a bad guy walking around with Disguise Self? If so, Bad! Also Bad! if she actually does turn out to be bad and it was like a DC 30 Insight check to find out, “Surprise! Your mom has been secretly evil this whole time!” Cara calls Ciabatta Imperator before she gets that info and idk if that’s Brennan misspeaking or A Clue and it *better* be the first because I don’t have the energy for *another* betrayal right now. It does seem like exactly the kind of thing you’d use in story to bait the twins if you knew them though, right? Like anyone who even sorta knew them (but especially someone who really knew them like Cal--was he there for that lingerie conversation in episode 1?) would know that was surefire twin-bait. 

Don’t love that the SPF is, with different faces and different tactics, corralling everyone to the Mountains. I don’t know what her game is but I Do Not Trust fae. Also, maybe I’m being paranoid but when the SPF said, “Your sister is waiting,” I def had a burst of...your sister as in Jet or your sister as in this bastard child who we know nothing about? Wouldn’t that be such a dirty trick? To skirt fae lying rules (idk if they exist in this world) by talking about Jet a bunch and then saying, “Your sister is waiting,” about a totally different (half) sister?

So who all is working together? Cal last week said he was working with Alfredi and Ciabatta was also working with Alfredi. Plus, Kerradin was there (which, sidenote, WILD. Did Alfredi just take all the heat or something?). But I can't imagine everyone’s goals are fully synced. Ciabatta seems to mostly care for his own power. The Pontifex wants the Ramsian Doctrine fulfilled presumably which puts her at cross-purposes to Cal. What’s everyone’s game here. Is any of this stuff just happening independently of the others and Amethar just has hella enemies/has just lost Concord protection?

All this “like the Hungry One but not the Hungry One” stuff has me suspicious. People have mentioned to me that the noises that Brennan makes when he brings that up are kinda snorty and pig-like which raises two possibilities. It could be the vengeful spirit of Preston--which would go with the ice motif since he’s a peppermint pig and we all know peppermint is the cold magic of candy. It could also be related to the Great Boar of the Meatlands. I can see a pig spirit showing favor to an angry kid who took good care of his best pig friend who then tragically died, even with the cross-food barrier. Idk, we’ll see how this goes.

Ruby, my girl, please don’t do anything rash in your grief. You’re 1000% valid but please stay as levelheaded as you can. 

Five More Things

Lol at Ally very confidently saying they don’t have Pass Without a Trace even after being reminded of it and then three turns later being like wait nevermind. 

Killshot Thompson at it again with those precision voice breaks at all the most heart-crushing times. I would have loved to have seen Emily’s reactions from video village during the scene with Amethar. And then the, “I can’t lose another. Please,” to Liam? Ugh. My heart.

Ally’s “WHY?” when Manta Ray Jack started ringing that bell was beautiful.

“Another secret black woman,” might be the funniest thing Lou has ever said. And he’s said a lot of funny things. He originated, “Somebody call Wizards of the Coast.”

A second set of double Nat 20s from Siobhan! She also did it in Fantasy High Sophomore Year when freeing Fig from mind control. The only other person I think who’s done it is Lou as Fabian during the arcade battle in FH S1. You can’t really tell because of the way I glossed over the nitty gritty of this ep, but the Nat 20s were really out of control this session. It’s just that, as the cast said in Adventuring Party, Nat 20s don’t get you spectacular things this season. They just mean you get to not die that turn.

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 7  Escape From the Bulb Creeps

Journey to the Past

We are fresh on the heels of the deaths of both Lapin and Peppermint Preston (Reeces in Pieces) but there’s no time to mourn because the remaining 5 PCs (Zac is absent all episode) are all fugitives of both church and state. With everyone stunned and out of sorts, Jet takes the lead and begins running towards the alleyway she banished Thad to several episodes ago on a goof turned escape plan. And none of the adults have a better plan so they follow her without argument or question. Ruby sends Yak up to help scout and, as they’re running, each of the group have flashbacks to simpler times:

Ruby: Ruby sees herself practicing acrobatics on the castle walls having just seen the Swirler Sisters perform. Her mom makes her come down and scolds her for not taking her princess duties seriously. Royal life is hard enough without her making it harder with her flights of fancy and she should be training to be ready for it.

Amethar: Amethar sees himself at the Stone Candy Mountain mid-war with his four sisters who have just got the news that he married Katherine Ghee--his dairy wife we learned about 2 eps ago. His oldest sister--General Rococoa--is livid about the shortsightedness and political implications of him marrying a commoner. St. Citrina, the third sister, comforts Amethar and says that if he really loves her, the marriage should stand. The youngest sister, Princess Sapphria, is chill about the whole thing and thinks (1) it won’t matter since he’s so far down in the line of succession and (2) he should have a good time if he wants to. Something ~crazy~ would have to happen for Amethar to ever get the throne so it would be *stupid* to waste time worrying about. (Thousand yard stare.) Lazuli shows up and is very fuzzy on where in the timeline they are--showing her background as a divination wizard--before congratulating Amethar on his marriage. Rococoa wants the marriage annulled and Citrina says that, for that to happen, Amethar and Katherine would need to be in the same place with the priest who performed the ceremony--Father Belford. They can take care of it after the war if Amethar wants. In the meantime, they tell their dad *nothing*.

Liam: It’s Liam’s 14th b-day and he’s still living with his dad (Joren Jawbreaker) and his mom (Spearia Mentha--a cool Vegetanian hippie woman) and his 35 other moms and dads (polygamy is big in the Sweetening Path apparently). His dad shows up and has trouble remembering his name but does present him Preston as a pet which he’s pretty stoked about. Afterwards, he meets up with his mom who says that his entire extended family talked about his going to Castle Candy as a ward/political prisoner and have decided that he can, but that he should be careful. The outside world isn’t as accepting of other spirits and ideas. Back in the present, Liam feels something dark inside him grow with the loss of Preston. Ice creeps up on his crossbow and his magic changes (mechanically speaking, he has gone from a Beastmaster to a Gloomstalker Ranger).

Theo: It’s Theo’s first day on the job as Lazuli’s ward and, after getting some business done (including a short conversation with a cotton candy monk who seemed suspiciously fleshed out to just be a random NPC) she turns to him and asks his opinion on non-sanctioned magic. Theo (who insists on addressing her by all of her titles) says that magic has never been his thing. He doesn’t have the mind for it. Lazuli takes issue with that assertion and Theo is forced to consider that he might be limiting himself for no reason. Lazuli says that she’s realizing that magic is a lot bigger and unknowable than conventional wisdom suggests and then Theo runs off to fetch her more parchment.    

Jet: Jet is 14 and practicing fencing with Calroy. He gets the point with a fencing dagger (which is apparently a thing, confirmed by my one friend who fences) before they ease into a conversation about politics. Calroy asks her if she sees herself challenging convention and we all know Who Jet Is As a Person so her answer (big yes) isn’t surprising. What’s slightly more surprising is that Calroy candidly agrees with her that change is good and needed. A lot of people would love change but most of them aren’t situated in such a way that they have the power to bring about any. Calroy says he looks forward to her reign and they continue sparring. 

Back to Reality 

In the present, church bells toll behind them and Ruby feels a piece of paper fly out from her pocket--it’s the “For Candia” note from Lapin. She grabs it with her Mage Hand and just feels like the worst person on the planet for being mean to Lapin all these years and then watching him give his life for them. He presented as boring and lame but he was a good man. 

They all reach the delirious Thad (he’s been in this alley since episode 3) who Jet flirts with to try and get his carriage but Liam circumvents that by getting a Nat 20 to fully knock the dude out. The servants with him flip out but Jet threatens them into running away and, before they can get very far, Ruby casts Sleep on them which drops them. Then, she casts Disguise Self and Prestidigitation so she looks and smells like Thad (we’re also blessed by Siobhan’s ridiculous French accent) and goes out to Thad’s carriage with Jet on her arm, lying to the servants there that Jet has been knocked up and they have to have a shotgun wedding. Her deception check succeeds and the footman declares, “To the cathedral!” NO. Beach wedding! It’s a beach wedding! They all pile into the back of the carriage--Ruby up front since she’s pretending to be Thad--and head out.

While they ride, Liam unsuccessfully tries to cry quietly and Theo eulogizes Lapin and says that what happened to him was no one’s fault. Jet asks Amethar if he had a death wish back in the Cathedral and Amethar, not in so many words, admits that he did. Yak comes back down from scouting and relays that the Glucian Road (the way back to Candia that they came) is about to be absolutely crawling with imperial soldiers. And cutting through Fructerra to the north (the shortest route) is also bad because that’s Plumbeline’s territory and she’s already proven herself untrustworthy. That leaves the “safest” options Brightgarden (basically the Vatican City of this world so not really a place they wanna be right now) and towards the Harbor. 

Everyone takes another minute to have a full breakdown--especially Liam who is coming to terms with the fact that he’s gonna have to be a war guy now--and Brennan rolls death saves for Thad (he lives) before they get back to business. If they want to go to the Great Stone Candy Mountain (Where Joren Jawbreaker is), going by sea is faster. Ruby points out that they’ll have to go into the territory of Cordeau (aka, Lord Bleu--the suspicious cheese dude Primsy is lowkey courting) if they go by sea but Theo points out that they’re F’d no matter where they go so they lock in the plan. 

A Fun Boat Ride

Once they get to the docks, Brennan points out that none of them have sailing proficiency (Emily: I have tarot cards) so if they just grab a ship with no crew, they’re for sure gonna die. They’d previously asked Calroy to ready a ship for them but they have no idea if that happened and they don’t have a way to ask him. The only ship they recognize in the harbor is The Colby--Annabelle’s ship. And, what do you know? She’s on the ship at that very moment, officiating a wedding for Primsy and Lord Bleu. The dude works fast.      

Theo sees that they’re casting off soon and also that Morris Brie is walking around all agitated and worried--looking for Manta Ray Jack they guess. Liam casts Pass Without Trace and Amethar gets a Nat 20 to open one of the cargo crates they’re going to load onto the ship so they can hide inside (leaving Yak and Sprinkle outside to be their eyes). While they’re in there, they hear Primsy and Bleu talking and learn that he’s gonna be following behind in his own ship (since he’s captain) and they’ll meet back in Lacramor. We also learn later that his ship is called the Dairy Heir because Brennan was put on this earth to test me.

Ruby hears that Morris Brie is still walking around all worried and decides to Message him in Lacra. “Manta Ray is Captured. The House of Rocks has Fallen. All is Lost. Help.” She calls herself a friend and, on a 20 Persuasion, Brie thinks she’s a spirit. She tells him where Jack is and calls him a good man when he agrees to check.

Brennan rolls for an unspecified thing in front of the board--saying they need an 11 or higher and want a 15--and gets a 12. 

The ship is held for a while, long enough that they’re loaded into the cargo hold, and Brennan narrates everything that happens from the eyes of Yak and Sprinkle (bending the rules a bit so everyone gets the benefit of knowing how Ruby’s clutch move played out):

Annabelle is agitated, waiting for Brie and Manta Ray so they can ship off. A messenger comes to her with the information that the Emperor is dead, Candia is at war with the Concord, and Amethar has been excommunicated. Primsy, who is technically in charge, reacts exactly how any sane 16 y/o would--she has absolutely no idea what to do. Another messenger shows up with a bloody letter (and, sidenote, I need Brennan to stop cursing us with detailed info on how various food people bleed. It’s extremely unsettling) from Brie which she reads and before deciding to ship off immediately. 

The Candians decide to stay hidden for an hour which is good because 30 mins later, the ship is stopped and boarded by imperials (lead by Grissini). They check the barrels but not the crates because no one would be able to open them. Well, no one except Amethar on a Nat 20. They’re not found and the imperials leave.

After the hour is up, Ruby can see through Yak that there aren’t any ships except for the dairy ones escorting Primsy back home and there are only about 12 people on the Colby. There’s a long discussion about the best strategy--Should they go up or call someone down? Should they talk to Primsy or Annabelle? Should Jet volunteer as a hostage?--before Ruby makes an executive decision and decides to Message Primsy.

“Primsy, I invoke the friendship of House Rocks and House Lacra.”

On a 20 persuasion check, Primsy, like Brie, thinks she’s a fairy or a spirit, which she is childishly excited about. Ruby says that if she comes to the hold, she’ll show her a secret and Primsy, who has apparently never seen a horror movie before in her life, comes right down. To her credit, she does ask if she can bring Annabelle, but Ruby says no. But that doesn’t deter her. Once she’s down there, Theo, who also has the Message cantrip, says, “Don’t scream, no matter what you see,” which is absolutely the worst thing he could have said and, on a 3 Persuasion--plus Amethar bursting out of the crate to try to show her she’s among friends, Primsy has the correct reaction which is to scream bloody murder, calling down basically everyone, including Annabelle.

Everyone throws down their weapons (Jet just stows hers in her back pockets) and Liam tries to hide but gets a Nat 1. Annabelle is, of course, furious that they’d stow away while fugitives, endangering them all but Ruby is able to slightly charm her (non-magically) and she reveals that the letter she received before says that Brie rescued Manta Ray and they’re hiding in Comida. Ruby is relieved her plan worked and, when Annabelle scoffs at her for taking credit for the work of the spirits, hits her with a Message to prove her abilities. Annabelle seems taken aback that, even while wanted fugitives of basically the entire world, Ruby would take any of her precious time to help Manta Ray. “[He’s] a good man,” Ruby responds, as if the decision took no thought at all. Primsy comforts Liam as he breaks down over the loss of Lapin and Preston again.

Brennan has everyone do a group persuasion check where only one of them cracks a 15. Annabelle and Co. are really in a terrible position here. These are their allies but they’re also being hunted right now and the Dairy Islands really cannot afford to be at war with the Concord. Helping them would be tantamount to a declaration of war. “Please don’t make us make you,” Ruby says. Annabelle scoffs that even if they kill her, either her crew would kill them or they’d kill the crew then die at sea. Ruby apologizes for the empty threat and says she’s just scared. 

Annabelle decides that they can’t help them but they also don’t have to fight them. They’ll take them to Lacramor as prisoners and then assemble a council to figure out what to do with them. In the meantime, they’ll be clothed and fed and brought to a room without chains. The Candians, who don’t really have a ton of options here, agree. 

Sacre Bleu

Soon after they’re situated (they get a short rest here), Primsy invites them to the Captain’s Quarters (which she shares with Annabelle) for tea. She doesn’t allow herself to say anything that would jeopardize her country’s position, but she seems very much on their side and confident this will be sorted out once they land and the council discusses it. She’s also excited for them to meet Lord Bleu, which they’re...less enthused about.

Ruby tries to get it into her head that she’s a strong, independent woman who doesn’t have to just do whatever he says--or even what Annabelle says--but it seems that Bleu has gotten to her first because Primsy says that he tells her that too and that he’s right about everything. Theo asks if he has any enemies in his house and she says no, confused about why he would ask. Jet decides to fully let the cat out of the bag and says that someone from Bleu’s house attacked them. Primsy, with shockingly little genre savviness, says that there have been a lot of deaths in Bleu’s family to get him to the place in the line of succession that he is and that they did get a letter from Plumbeline saying that Amethar would probably be named successor but if not him then it would probably be her. And if anything happens to her, guess who’s suddenly in charge? None other than Lord Consort Cheddar, aka Bleu. Theo tries to tell Primsy to watch her back but, on a 2 Charisma check, he just pisses off yet another House Cheddar lady and Primsy leaves for the Crow’s Nest to catch a glimpse of her new husband on his ship. On a Nat 20, Jet stealths behind her to protect her.

Liam goes to find Annabelle to try and convince her to drop them off at the Candy Mountain instead of Lacramor. He starts well with a compliment (“Your haircut looks fresh”) before trying to pimp out his harem of parents in exchange for the ride and rolling a 4 Persuasion. Liam submits to the slap he knows is coming--but it misses due to Ruby’s Hex giving her disadvantage and making her take her Nat 1 instead of her Nat 20. As she stumbles forward, she notices something in the distance and walks off to check on it, Liam following behind her. 

Brennan has Murph make three mystery luck checks in the box of doom because he is the enemy and Murph rolls a 7, 16, and a 14. For Murph, pretty good!

They’re just about at the Yogurt Shoals (Bleu territory, you’ll remember) and they notice that all the other ships except for the two house Bleu ones have veered off in another direction. 

It starts to rain milk (Brennan seems to indicate that’s what the 7 roll was) and Annabelle yells at Primsy to come down from the crow’s nest. Primsy notices that the other ships are gone right as arrows start to fire from the Bleu ships to hers. Jet, at once, shields Primsy from the barrage. 

Annabelle tries to get them out of there in a hurry but finds the sails are damaged and the House Bleu ships sidle up along the Colby and pull a Ben-Hur, tearing up the sides of the ship until it begins to sink. Everyone roll initiative!

Also, it’s Zac’s Birthday. 

Happy Birthday Zac.    

Medal of Honor

Gotta give out our first double medal of honor this episode, fittingly, to the twins who were on fire this whole episode. 

At the top of the episode when no one else knew what to do, Jet took the reins and picked a plan and everyone else was swayed by her force of will and didn’t even ask any questions. And then later, when Theo fumbled his diplomacy, she again acted on impulse and put herself in the perfect position to protect Primsy.

And then Ruby--in the talkback, they said they were talking about “Ruby’s Big Day” which was great because so was I in my head. Taking her magic--the very thing that put her in so much danger--and turning it to their greatest asset with the clutch disguise and then using the hell out of the Message Cantrip? Lapin has been dead for less than a day and she’ll already taken the position of party Face.

Very Galaxy Brained moves from our girls this ep.

Sunny Side Up

The immediacy of the “Do you think she’s gonna get off?” response from Ally was like they’d been waiting their entire life to make that specific joke. 

Also on the topic of Ally just literally saying anything, watching everyone break as Liam described the game “Stairs” was an experience. And Brennan having to react to that as a parent and acknowledge it was full abuse gave me shades of Kristen talking about all the cult literature in her family’s house that Brennan was hearing about for the first time in that moment. 

The whole sequence in the alley with Thad was such a perfect moment of catharsis after the heaviness of everything else. That, “Point with my hand or?” Siobhan’s French accent. Liam hitting a Nat 20 to knock Thad TF out. Everyone coming up with plans on the spot on top of each other and the big, “NO!” after Brennan’s, “To the cathedral!” The rubberband needed to snap back to comedy for a bit after last week and all those flashbacks and they did it perfectly here.

Jet already having a “Bastard Jet” tattoo and Murph improvising that she made him do it with a cantrip.  

“Advantage for boldness and disadvantage for madness.”

Things I’m Concerned About

Short list this week because the answer is basically “everything”.

Brennan. Brennan, if anything happens to Primsy...I know that this is all pre-recorded and whatever happened already happened but if Primsy is hurt in any way...Brennan…

Very interesting that the Pontifex OK’d the wedding of Primsy and Bleu basically immediately while all manner of insanity was going on but couldn’t find the time to get the emperor paperwork filled out. And by interesting I mean she’s a snake. 

A big ocean battle after only a short rest? With no healer? Don’t care for that one bit. 

I would not want to be Katherine Ghee right now. Idk what she’s doing but if she’s alive and well, I have to assume her life is about to be filled with BS.

Liam’s rage (which he talked to Amethar about) seems like the kind of thing that becomes a problem either for poor decision making reasons or literal communing with evil spirits reasons. So I’m for sure monitoring that situation, just in case.  

Understandably, the gang wasn’t able to go for their allies this episode, but that puts them in a BAD position to put it mildly. If Calroy did ready that ship, it’s possible that at least some of the rest of the Candians will be able to get out once they hear the news. Fingers crossed for those guys but it would be a fittingly brutal story move if all the fun, tutorial level NPCs just get executed now that we’ve left the starting area (which already was pretty brutal to be sure). 

Five More Things

It took me saying the episode title out loud while writing this recap to understand that it was a Bloodkeep reference. I was like, what a weird thing to call an ep. It doesn’t fit the titling conventions for this show at all.

Loved getting to see Amethar with all his sisters, even with the ouchiness of knowing how that all panned out. I especially liked Citrina as a foil for the Pontifex. If the Bulb is nothing but raw power divorced from morality then it’s nice to see someone who has a connection to that power using it in the name of love.

Theo continuing to use everyone's titles even after all that happened is so true to character. Also: “Call me Bastard Jet.”/”As you wish, your highness.”

Zac’s character didn’t show up this ep so I’m very curious when it’s gonna happen. It could happen in the battle ep--some rando helping you mid life or death battle would give very wary people a reason to trust a stranger--but it seems more plausible it would happen next story ep. I wonder if that cotton candy monk mentioned is gonna be his next character. I wonder if it’s gonna be a candy person at all. 

Listening to Ruby and Theo talk about how mean they were to Lapin and how guilty they felt about it was A Lot. Like, we only had him for 6 episodes but they have an entire lifetime of history with the dude and Murph and Siobhan really made that hit home in their tiny moments. It was A Lot.

Also! This has nothing to do with Crown of Candy and it’s circulated a bunch already, deservedly so, but I wanna shout out this hilarious Fantasy High animatic by @morikorii. Super happy we’re starting to get kickass animatics for D20 stuff from crazy talented artists.