#he does his best with what he’s got and the way his mentally ill brain sees things

[seaweedstarshine]

RIP Krakoa 🌹 I can’t lie I’ve been kinda behind since midway through Fall of X I’m gonna catch up before my first SDCC this summer but I hear Vulcan didn’t see much action anyway. Anyway my hand slipped and I found myself looking into the eyes of my canonically psychotic son the best Summers brother who’s never done anything wrong in his entire life, (he’s done lotsa wrong things but I love him more for it)

[thehereticdiaries]

Into the Wonderland: Chapter Six

Summary: You go with Yunho and San to give your statement to the police. Seonghwa has a chat with Hongjoong about his odd behavior. You and the pack alpha have an emotional discussion.

Warnings: Cops, talking about mental illnesses, idk man

A/N: Finally, the last bit of plot before y/n gets railed six ways to Sunday. Fr, I have the next four chapters planned entirely as smut.

Series Masterlist

You didn’t wake up until almost noon the next day, although Seonghwa expected you to sleep longer. The pounding throb in your head dulled down to a faint ache overnight. Slowly, you opened your eyes to scan the room. You hardly remembered getting back to the dorms last night and were a little surprised to see the whole pack lounging in a massive nest in the living room.

“Hey, look who’s awake.” Yeosang was the first to notice you. Seonghwa immediately swooped in, gingerly brushing your hair out of your face.

“How’re you feeling?” The eldest omega asked, forehead creasing in concern.

“Not horrible, all things considered. My head’s a little achy and I’m still tired, somehow,” you noted while rubbing your eye with your knuckle.

“That’s not surprising. You went through a lot,” Jongho noted without looking up from his laptop. 

“And unfortunately, you’re not gonna be able to rest much today,” Seonghwa sighed. “The police called earlier this morning. They need you to go to the station to give your statement.”

“She doesn’t need to do that today,” Hongjoong argued. You hadn’t even noticed him with how silent he’d been. Your back rested against his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around your waist.

“Yes, she does. The officer on the phone said that they need to do it as soon as possible, while it’s still fresh in her mind,” Seonghwa reasoned somewhat uselessly. You felt Hongjoong tense behind you.

“Seonghwa–”

“It’s okay,” you interrupted the pack alpha. There was a strange feeling of animosity between the two and it was making you nervous. “Honestly, I’d rather get it done and over with.”

“Good, San and Yunho can take you after you get dressed.” Seonghwa shot an icy glare at Hongjoong, who you could only assume was about to protest. “We need to call the doctor. As the pack alpha and the eldest, we need to make sure we fully understand your care instructions.”

“Fine,” Hongjoong agreed through gritted teeth. Yeosang and Wooyoung led you to the omega’s room to help you get ready, despite your protests that you could do it yourself. The rest of the pack sat in a thick silence, unsure of how to address the tension brewing between the two eldest members. After a few minutes, you emerged with Wooyoung doing his best to talk slowly so your concussed brain could keep up.

“You need to eat before you go,” Seonghwa fretted from his spot in the nest. 

“I was actually gonna get her something from Driftwood Cafe,” San said while kneeling down to slip your shoes on your feet. You perked up, thinking about the cafe’s raspberry and white chocolate croissants. 

“Okay, but no caffeine.”

“Yes, mom. I’ll text you when we’re done.” Yunho corralled you and San out the door. Once it closed behind the three of you, Seonghwa pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

“We need to talk,” the omega stated, looking pointedly at Hongjoong. The remaining pack members warily stared at the pair as they disappeared into their room. 

“Alright. Spill it.” Seonghwa crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“Spill what?” Hongjoong borderline growled.

“Seriously?” The elder scoffed with a roll of his eyes. “You’ve been pissed at me and cold to everyone besides Y/N since we got back from the hospital. Hell, you’ve barely even let her out of your arms.”

“I’ve been pissed at you for longer than that,” Hongjoong started. He struggled to keep his temper under control. A vein pulsed in his neck with the effort. “There wouldn’t have been a hospital visit if you had fucking listened to me!”

“That’s what this is about?! You’re mad at me because I decided to trust Y/N?”

“I’m mad because I knew something was wrong and you kept me from checking on her.” Hongjoong paced the room, fists curling at his sides. 

“Oh, I kept you from checking on her?” Seonghwa asked sarcastically. “Get a hold of yourself. What if you stormed into a restricted area of the building and there wasn’t an issue?”

“Maybe I’d be embarrassed, but she wouldn’t have been injured.”

“You didn’t know what was going on! You were going off paranoia, how could you possibly–”

“I should have been there for her!” Hongjoong shouted. The others could probably hear him from the living room, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “I should have protected her! Seonghwa, I let my omega get hurt. I am furious with myself because I fucking failed as her alpha!”

“Hongjoong…” Seonghwa’s face and voice softened at his admission.

“God, I never should have left her alone with that bastard still on campus, especially with her heat so close.” His thoughts spiraled into a loop of regret and self-deprecation. He gripped his hair at the roots, knuckles turning white but too angry to feel the pain.

“Hongjoong.” Seonghwa stopped the alpha’s pacing with a hand on his shoulder. Wild eyes met a calm and steady gaze while the omega’s earthy scent of cashmere washed over the room. 

“You need to listen to me when I say this.” Seonghwa gently removed Hongjoong’s hands from his hair, his thumbs running along his knuckles. “You didn’t let her get hurt.”

“Seong–”

“No, let me finish. This was not your fault. Marcus is the only one to blame,” Seonghwa clenched his jaw and looked down. “There’s no way you could have known this would happen.”

“So why am I feeling so guilty?” 

“I’m not totally sure. I can only assume it’s from your instincts,” Seonghwa shrugged. It wasn’t the answer Hongjoong wanted to hear. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.”

“Hongjoong, you haven’t failed as an alpha. Our pack would be lost without you.” Seonghwa insisted, squeezing the younger man’s hands. “I was trying to ignore it, but I’ve been feeling guilty, too.”

“If I’m not at fault then neither are you.”

“I know. But I also know that you have the strongest and most accurate instincts out of everyone in the pack. I shouldn’t have brushed off your concerns,” Seonghwa quietly confessed.

“I don’t want to scare her.”

“What?”

“During her heat. I don’t want my claim to scare her.” Hongjoong removed his hands from Seonghwa’s in favor of crossing his arms. The omega put a hand on his hip, brows furrowed with sympathy.

“I understand, but don’t make assumptions for her. Just sit down and be honest with her.” Hongjoong sighed, exhaustion weighing on his shoulders. “Now, we really do need to call the doctor.”

You happily munched on your croissant as you walked toward the subway. San and Yunho followed closely behind you, sipping on their iced Americanos. You wanted to argue because you loved the cafe’s brown sugar lattes, but they weren’t having it. So you settled for a matcha latte, which still gave you a little caffeine boost, but was much better than espresso. It didn’t take long to get to the police station.

“Hi, I need to give my statement for an incident from last night,” you greeted the officer at the front desk. She was less-than-enthusiastic about the interruption to her reading.

“Name?”

“Y/N L/N.” The officer sighed and turned to her computer. You fiddled with the lid of your to-go cup, her attitude making you nervous. Yunho noticed, obviously, and was about to move closer to the desk when San tapped his arm. He looked at the beta, who just shook his head. 

“Alright, I’ll go grab Yang.” The desk officer walked away without waiting for a response. Yunho rolled his eyes.

“Well, she seems delightful,” he grumbled while lacing his fingers through yours. A few minutes of awkwardly standing by the front desk passed by before the officer returned with an older man on her heels.

“Ms. L/N, I’m officer Yang Ju-won. If you’ll follow me, we can talk in the conference room.” He led you to a small, bare room at the back of the station. The only furniture was a round table in the center and a water cooler in the corner. A resounding smack on the door kept it from shutting after you. Officer Yang jumped, startled by the sound and Yunho’s glare.

“We’re staying with her,” the alpha stated, voice dropping an octave. 

“Guests aren’t really allowed–”

“She’s been through enough,” he interrupted the officer. “She’s not doing this without us.” 

“Only if you want us to, of course,” San added quickly, eyes flicking down to you before returning to the officer. 

“Uhm… If it’s alright, I’d like for them to stay, officer,” you asked shyly. Yang sighed and gestured for them to enter. There were only three chairs as the room was mainly used for one-on-one interviews. The extra chair was typically for a lawyer or translator. Yunho pulled you to sit on his lap, giving San the extra chair.

“Alright, let’s get started.” Yang flipped to a clean page in his notebook before going through an exhaustive list of questions. A conversation that probably could have been done in ten minutes stretched to 45. Your head pounded by the end of it.

“That’s everything I need,” Yang concluded, much to your relief. He handed you a business card. “This has my contact information if you need anything while we investigate further.” 

“Officer…” You paused, staring at the card while you figured out how to word your question. “Do you… do you know why he did it?”

“I really shouldn’t tell you this, but,” he sighed. He closed his notebook and leaned back in his chair before turning back to you. His forehead creased with sympathy. “You remind me of my daughter. She went through something similar.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you mumbled. Yang shook his head, waving away your apology.

“The ‘not knowing’ made things harder for her. I’d like to spare you that feeling, if I can.” Yunho and San shared a look behind you. “We’ve gotten access to Mr. William’s medical records. He has been diagnosed with erotomania and was being treated in the US by a specialist.”

“Erotomania?” San asked with a tilt of his head.

“I don’t fully understand it, but from what I read it’s a rare mental health condition. People with this condition have a delusional belief that another person is deeply in love with them,” he explained while tapping his chin with a finger. 

“Okay, so what does that mean for Y/N?” Yunho further questioned, eyebrows furrowed.

“Mr. Williams believes that Ms. L/N is in love with him. Something as small as a friendly smile or a brief moment of eye contact can be a trigger. He was supposed to continue seeing a psychiatrist while participating in the exchange program, but he started skipping sessions a few weeks ago.”

“So this happened because I just… existed?” Your heart ached in your chest. Yunho tightened his arms around your waist.

“Ms. L/N, please don’t blame yourself. His condition pushed him to violence, not you,” Yang urged earnestly. “I’m telling you this to explain his actions, not to excuse them. Others with this condition live perfectly normal lives with proper treatment. He chose to ignore that.”

“Thank you, officer,” Yunho said while standing, gently placing you on your feet and keeping a hand on your hip. “But we should go. She needs rest.”

“I understand. I’ll be in touch,” officer Yang assured the three of you while he led you up to the front desk.You deeply inhaled the fresh air, relieved to be outside after being in the stuffy, overwhelming police station for so long. Yunho kept you tucked close to his side as you headed home.

At Seonghwa’s request, Yeosang steered you to his and Hongjoong's room the moment you stepped through the door. He gently pushed you into the room with a quiet ‘good luck’ before shutting the door behind you. Seonghwa and Hongjoong sat on the latter’s bed. 

“Hey, how did it go?” Your elder omega smiled at your baffled expression. “Come sit.” 

“It went well.” You squeezed between the two, resting your head on the alpha’s shoulder. “Long and boring, and now my head hurts, but I’m glad it’s done with.”

“Good. We talked to our primary care doctor while you were gone. Since she’s never seen you, there wasn’t much she could tell us,” Seonghwa explained while you rested your eyes. 

“Oh.”

“But luckily, she said you should be fine during your heat as long as Hongjoong is gentle.” He shot the younger man a pointed look. “And you use a donut pillow.”

“Why do I need a special pillow?” You furrowed your eyebrows with a small pout. 

“The staples are on the back of your head. It’ll keep pressure off them while you heal. I actually sent Wooyoung to get you one so you could use it right away.”

“Does that mean I can take a nap now?” You looked up at him through your lashes. He brushed a thumb over your cheek, smiling sympathetically. 

“Soon, sweetheart, I promise. But you and Hongjoong need to talk first.” Seonghwa stood with an encouraging pat to your thigh before leaving you and the pack alpha alone.

“Is everything okay?” You sat up so you could give him your full attention. 

“Kind of?” He paused to sigh as he gathered his thoughts. The silence made you anxious. 

“Whatever it is, you can tell me. I won’t be upset.” Hongjoong stared at your sleepy, worried face. A knot of guilt twisted his stomach. You squeaked in surprise when he suddenly pulled you onto his lap, gripping the back of your shirt so hard his knuckles turned white. 

“I’m so sorry.” You couldn’t see his face, but you felt tears drop onto your shoulder. You wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Hongjoong, what-?”

“I knew something was wrong. I never should have left you alone while he was still on campus. I failed as your alpha and I am so fucking sorry,” he ranted into the fabric of your shirt. You gently removed him from your neck, forcing eye contact while cupping his face in your hands.

“I don’t blame you for any of this.” You shook your head when he opened his mouth to protest. “I don’t. You may think you failed, but the way I see it, you did exactly what you were supposed to do.”

“How?”

“You stopped him,” you stated simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You got to me in time.” He bit his bottom lip, still not fully forgiving himself.

“Do you… do you still want me there for your heat?”

“What? Of course I do,” you assured the worried alpha. “Why would you think I wouldn’t?”

“I don’t want to scare you.” His hands relaxed, dropping down to your hips while you raised your eyebrows. “This is twice now that he tried to force a claim. I don’t want my claim to remind you of him.”

“Oh,” you sighed and slumped into his chest, letting him take the brunt of your weight as you closed your eyes again. “Hongjoong, I still want it. I’d actually feel safer with it. He won’t be able to make another attempt once I have my alpha's- my mate’s- claim on me.”

“You’re absolutely sure? I’m already going to have to hold myself back, I won’t be able to stop myself from claiming you once we start.”

“Hongjoong,” you trailed off nervously. You tensed up, sitting back to stare at him with wide, fearful eyes. “Are you trying to say that you don’t want to? You don’t want to claim me anymore?” Logically, you knew why he was asking. But your emotions have been going haywire since last night, and your inner omega panicked at the unintentional implications of his words.

“No, nonono, of course I want to.” His hands ran up and down your sides. Despite the comforting gesture, your chest heaved with suppressed whimpers. “Fuck, I’m sorry. Omega, please, I’m not rejecting you.” Hongjoong tucked your head into his neck, pressing your nose to his gland so his scent could soothe you.

“Um,” you started once your breathing settled down. “If you’re worried about going too far, maybe one of the others could be there just in case?” He hummed as he considered the idea.

“That could work. I’ll talk to Jongho to see if he’d be comfortable with it.”

“Jongho?”

“Yeah. He may be the youngest, but he’s physically stronger than me. He’s one of the few pack members that could hold me back,” Hongjoong explained while trailing his fingers over your spine. “I also think he’s the only one that won’t be affected by the smell of your heat.”

“Really?” You mumbled, fighting to stay awake against your alpha’s scent and the fuzziness radiating from your injury.

“He has incredible self-control, and he doesn’t seem interested in sex.” Hongjoong peeked down at you at your noncommittal noise of agreement. “Alright, I get it. Nap time for my sweet little omega. Get some sleep, love. I’ll take care of the rest.”

Permanent Taglist: @furfoxsake22 @babygirlskz98 @miniverse-zen @holly-here @corgilover20 @eastjonowhere @bookswillfindyouaway

Series Taglist: @popcatx0 @m00njinnie @awkward-fucking-thing @fr34k4c1dr41n @nchhuhi @pixie0627 @bby-boo4u @queen-thiccness

Blogs in purple couldn't be tagged

[waywardducks]

I have a love/hate relationship with Batman and I need to talk about it.

I’m obsessed with the Robins and anyone that hurts them is on my shitlist, and this includes Bruce. He's a horrible father, he’s abusive, he's got some misconstrued morals, he's just an asshole altogether and he acts like a moody teenager more than a middle-aged man.

But he's such a fantastic character. He has done some fucked up shit, but he's also lived through some fucked up shit, and no, I don't just mean his parents. Despite losing his parents, he was still raised in a house built on love, and Alfred raised him the same, but differently. He didn't come from a bad home. Yet he still turned out the way he did. And that's fascinating to me!

I attended a Batman panel at a convention back in September and it has honestly stuck with me. The panel was on Batman’s traumas and how they affected him and shaped him. It was run by a group of licensed trauma-specific therapists and psychologists and the insight they had on it was amazing.

One of the speakers said that in the loss of his family, Bruce is trying to surround himself with a new family, all young boys who look similar to himself. I believe that one of them said he wasn't trying to make a family in the sense that he was the dad, but that it was just family. Like brothers maybe. They said that it wasn't even something he was doing consciously, it just started happening naturally for him. Because the boys remind him of himself. Batman is still a scared little boy in an alleyway, watching as the bad guy gets away and his parents bleed out on the floor at his feet. He trains them because he wants them to be strong, stronger than he is.

Something else that they said that really stuck with me was that the best way for Batman to heal is to not be Batman anymore, that Batman is so ingrained in Bruce that trying to get rid of Batman would do more harm than good and that the only option to lead to any healing for him was to help him shape Batman into something different. Slowly, help him use Batman to overcome his traumas instead of create new ones. But not to get rid of Batman.

I think of Batman Beyond. Bruce is so controlling still over Batman. He's old, lonely. There's no one left but Terry. This is what Batman did to him and he chose it. Its shocking.

Batman is a huge crybaby, a self-sabotaging man who does what he thinks is right, even if it's not always right. He's mentally ill, no one mentally healthy is that paranoid. He pushes his traumas onto his kids, he can't handle having to be emotional, because that means feeling and grieving the pain, and that's too much for him. (see: how he acted after Todd’s death) he’s stubborn, he can't take no for an answer half the time. He thinks everyone and everything is out to get him. He has lost himself in a persona to try and hide from his feelings. He hates himself for his parent's death and feels like he wasn't strong enough. He can't handle the idea that someone might love him because he hates himself so much that he ruins his relationships. Dick is such a good match for him because Dick is so loyal and will stay through all of his little freakouts. I think Dick realized that Bruce only means well at some point and that's why he forgave him.

I hate him. He's so stupid. I love how his brain works. He's such a piece of shit.

[evilminji]

Saw it mentioned, have to wonder >.>

Just? HOW Ecto-Contaminated ARE the Fentons? Maddie and Jack?

We as a Phandom rather rightfully give them flak for their neglectfulness and single minded pursuits... but SHOULD we be?

Or has that ship long since sailed?

Even before the portal, they were working with countless samples. Were EXPOSED to the prototype, alongside Vlad. Not directly. Not full, standing in front of it, exposed.

But?

Isn't radiation still radiation? They were IN the room. Less then about a yard or two away. And on top of that they NEVER stopped researching.

How much Ectoplasm particulates have the breathed in? Absorbed through skin contact? EATEN?

Those weenies? The ones that came alive? Have they eaten those INCREDIBLY TAINTED meats? What about subtly tainted things? Things that got Ectoplasm on them, but didn't meet the threshold for reanimation?

What about cups? It's a viscose substance. Does a dishwasher REALLY clean those cups of every trace?

How... how many YEARS of build up, have accumulated in their systems?

Jack Fenton kool-aid man's his way though WALLS. His wife moves faster and with greater agility then a woman her age should rightfully be ABLE too. They lift weapons, with ease, that normal humans would buckle under.

Their son survived the impossible.

Was that house a petri-dish of ecto-contaminations? Who checked in on them. Who would even NOTICE if the local "crack-pots" were slowly... slipping. Grins getting too wide. Eyes too bright. Minds too strange. Becoming... Obsessive.

Who would notice if they started to lose track of time. Of meals. Of their daughter. Then their son. Lost to the BEAUTY of RESEARCH. Of SCIENCE. Ghosts.

They would shake themselves out of it. Again and again. Where is their daughter? Their kids? Weren't they about to make lunch? Why is it dawn? Why are the kids sleeping on the floor? They would frown and promise themselves they'd do better. They're parents now!

They love their children.

More then ANYTHING. Their kiddos are the best thing to ever happen to them. They love them so, SO much. So why? Why are they having such a hard time remembering? Focusing? Why do they keep getting distracted?

Consider another father. Box Ghost.

Which is more important to him? Lunch Box or Boxes?

What a cruel, unspeakable thing to ask. You'd be kicked out of any haunt you dare voiced it in. The core of his soul and the greatest thing he's ever made, his bestest baby girl. He would tear himself apart, trying to chose.

The father in him would not hesitate, his daughter, every time. But the GHOST in him? Boxes, with out question. Like a glitching, error filled, feedback loop. One but the other, but the one, but the other! Until something gave or it killed him.

Or until the question no longer applies.

Do you think Jazz realized her parents... weren't well? She wouldn't realize WHAT was wrong for over a decade. But? Watching them fight themselves, fight each OTHER, confused and distressed...

Which is more important? Their Kids or Their Research?

Human enough to fight their Obsessions, but Limnal enough it causes severe distress. Their kids, they insist. Their KIDS! They argue! Research, Research, Research. Hisses something they can't control, wrapped around their brains and nerves and SOULS.

A compulsion they can't fight.

And Jazz watches it eat up their family and lives. She doesn't understand. She hates it. She goes to the library and on the computer and all she can find to compare it too, is "mental illnesses". It's tearing her family apart. Making her parents break promise after promise, even when they TRY. Making EVERYBODY cry.

She wants to fix it. When things get broken in their house, they FIX them. She can too. She tries for YEARS.

But are the Fentons broken? Or are they just... no longer quite human. Is the tragedy not that they got "sick" so much that they were left alone with innocent children who were NOT?

A ghost can not help, being what it is. And what is a Limnal? If not a very, VERY Ghostly Human? Box Ghost is an excellent father to Box Lunch. But would he be an equally good father to a human toddler? Would ANY Ghost?

They would TRY. Would love them and read parenting books. May even successful raise them. But it would not have been wise. Nor without great struggle. We can all admit that. There is far more to raising someone then just loving them.

And never mistake it, the Dr's. Fenton love their children. Would burn heaven and earth for them. March the gates of hell and kick open the doors to heaven. Even file their taxes. Make small talk.

But should they have been TRUSTED with children? Should ANY severally Limnal? I argue... not without a mitigating force. A nanny, a caretaker, Grandma. Uncle Peter, who's getting back on his feet, might have spider powers, who's to say. SOMEBODY.

Because let's be real. If Jazz had not been as likely Limnally inhanced as she was? Unusually mature and nimble? That situation was a powder keg. She kept them from dying from injury or starvation. Kept Danny from her parents dangerous research and devices.

If EITHER of them had died?

Well... ask yourself this: What would happen to Box Ghost, if a Box killed his daughter?

@hdgnj @nerdpoe @stealingyourbones

[scho17]

@hibiscusseaart

Ren Nohara

Ren and Kks doodles + me yapping ab this AU bc the brain rot has me in a chokehold

close ups so yall dont have to zoom in

I JUST REALIZED THIS WOULD MEAN THAT NARUTO IS TECHNICALLY ALSO THE HATAKE CLAN HEIR URAGHHHH

I NEED TO DRAW HIM WITH ALL THE NINKEN SO SO BADDDDDD

KAKASHI SHARING CLAN LORE BC HE HAS PACK TO CARRY ON HIS CLANS HISTORY AND TRADITIONS BC IT ISN'T JUST HIM ANYMORE SAVE ME SAVE ME

Hatake 'the line ends with me' Kakashi BUT NOT ANYMORE BABY HELL YEAH!! having a spouse and child will do that to you

Now does he really gaf ab tradition? Honestly, probably not but the idea of him not being alone in terms of family/clan is what he deserves (along with a lot of therapy).

HE MAY STILL BE MENTALLY ILL BUT NOT AS BADLY AS THE FIRST TIME AROUND 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Also, the consequences of Naruto having two parents who are both some of the most elite shinobi in Konoha is probably one of the best 'fuck off' deterrents he could have in terms of curbing harassment over his being the nine-tails container.

ALSO ALSO, "I'm gonna be Hokage!" oh and he's wearing those little blue goggles and carrying around the weight of a dead boy's dream without really knowing just how heavy that burden is but still carrying it all the same in the way only optimistic children can. Oh bitch I'm throwing up everywhere. Like yes he's going to bring peace to the shinobi world but he is also giving both his dad's the worst type of heart ache. Seeing doubles because he's so much like Obito but blonde and four times as stubborn.

kkrn trying so hard not to see ghosts in their kid but he's literally a mash up of Minato, Kushina, and Obito. Minato's kindness, Kushina's vitality, and Obito's pure will to be good.

Not saying that ghosts are all they see cause it's very much not. Naruto is still Naruto but sometimes there's that outline of an old memory that just doesn't fade. A little like deja vu I guess. Kakashi and Ren are so glad it's peacetime because even the thought of dandelion blonde beneath a too-big boulder makes breathing that much harder.

I imagine he gets trained an insane amount because both Kakashi and Ren want him to be able to defend himself. Even while it's peacetime, they're shinobi, there's always a risk. So long as Naruto is on active duty he'll always be in danger. With both of his guardians growing up/serving in the third war when they were barely older than Naruto it's practically a given.

Not that I think Naruto would complain about being able to learn jutsu/shinobi skills. He'd probably be stoked about it until he has to spend like four hours straight throwing shuriken and reading survival guides about edible plants. He complains about it. Loudly. mb lil bro half of ninja training is literally just ingraining reflexes and learning the land.

mmm academy-era Naruto going to the memorial stone and ranting about his day to it in the way he's seen both Ren and Kakashi do in the past. That's so cute and sad like "and then Shikamaru slept the whole time but it was supposed to be a GROUP project! Can you believe that!" and Obito is in the bushes nodding his head along like the good uncle he is. (He literally tried to murder Naruto when he was less than an hour old.)

Naruto just talks and talks and talks. About everything and nothing and its probably like the least depressing one-sided conversation Obito has ever heard in front of his grave (looking at you Kakashi, Ren).

I imagine that Naruto kind've treats the stone/Obito's memory fondly. Both Ren and Kakashi talk about him in warm tones and with growing up hearing stories of him it's hard not to feel like he knows him. He's not there, obviously, but if Naruto closes his eyes and imagines that scowling boy in his parent's team photo while he talks it almost feels real. (Honey, you've got a big storm coming.)

To their family, Obito is forever thirteen. He's passionate and has a short fuse. He loves sweets and has eyes and hair darker than the night, he's a sucker for a sob story and helps old ladies with their groceries. Naruto finds it hard not to see a friend in a ghost he's never met.

AA and then post Uchiha Massacre, Naruto just stares at the stone and wonders that if Obito were still here would he be gone too? Man I need to see what's going on in Obito's head during that.

On an unrelated note i wonder where the fuck Jiraiya is in all this. Bro is just out and about doing fuck all as two fourteen year olds take care of his godson and he's running from responsibility😭 i bet he sends guilt money. Ren literally doesn't give a single shit because even if Jiraiya did try for custody he would literally be getting his hands chopped off. No way in hell is Ren letting a pervert like that raise a kid that's a recipe for disaster. The money is nice but Ren could not give less of a fuck ab that mans guilt. Like "oh, you feel bad for not owning up to your God Father title that Minato, my late sensei, entrusted to you? Good."

I need to see Ren and Genma + Anko and Kurenai friendship. They would be a horrible terrible no good amazing friend group. Terrifying when together. Four horsemen of the apocalypse when they have an idea and put their mind to it.

Anyway, what are our opinions on ANBU Ren and Ren meeting 'Sukea' bc that all i've been able to think ab today. Okay, I'm done yapping thanks for listening.

[creepy-friday]

Ok ok

Hear me out

👀

Imagine if the Proxies were in any type of relationship with Y/N, and Y/N isn't a proxy or maid or anything.

And Y/N got pregnant 💀

Brownie points if the baby is a girl-.

Notes: the reader is in an established relationship with them,and kept the pregnancy a secret until the only option was for the baby to be born

Warnings: pregnancy mentions,yandere tendencies in Brian's part,mental illness in Toby's and misogyny in Tim's

Special thanks to @spookyravioli for the inspiration♡

"Oh.Oh." Toby's first reaction is shock and slowly the feeling of dread would start to overcome him

He never imagined himself as a lover,let alone the tought of becoming a parent.Toughts of his own father started to beat him up,and insecurity spread trough him like a disease

He needs A LOT of reassurance in order for him to not break down.During the pregnancy he would be very supportive partner and would try to keep you as happy as possible

He bought a shit ton of books,from parenthood guide books to kids ones that he would often read to calm down

When the daughter was born,multiple thoughts entered his brain."I'm a father now." sounds both bittersweet and scary to him

This was the time when he started to take medicine for his outbursts,not only for him,but for both yourself and the baby's sake

As much as he wanted to not traumatize his daughter,he couldn't help but make her be constantly on edge

She wasn't afraid of him,but rather wary,slowly understanding that her father wasn't always in the right place

Despite his early efforts,I can see as the daughter grows up she would start to resent him from all the things that he hides away from her to the way he seems off putting

Because Toby's workplace is a demanding one,I can see him completely giving up on meds and having angry withdrawals because of it

That's why it will be up to the daughter to either sugarcoat the way her father is or to step up and overgrow him

Surprisingly,Masky's first tought isn't to go buy milk.Instead,he takes his time to reason with you and to list all the complication the baby will come with

He tries to be a good lover to you,he really doesn't want the of risk losing you because of his shitty moods,that's why he genuinely tries to not stress you out during the pregnancy

Tim will take care of anything you need,even if he would mutter something under his breath,all he does is for you.In his mind,if he loses you he will lose himself as well,that's why he's so eager to please you

After getting into a verbal fight with half of the hospital personnel,he almost lost his mind when he heard that he was having a daughter

He grew up distant for a while,and was passive aggressive while taking care of the baby,as if her whole existence's worth is based off her gender

After he became warmer to you he became colder to the daughter as time flew by and she grew older

"It's because you're a girl" ; "This isn't a girl's job" ; "Are you really going to wear that?Unfit for a girl"

I can see the daughter growing up to break down her father's stereotypes,but at the same time battling with his inner demons

She might have addiction problems and become obsessive over subjects she can have control over

If the mother doesn't do anything about it,I can see the daughter having a history with battling the same type of mental illness her father had

Brian knew all along about your pregnancy,and secretly enjoyed the tought of something or someone to keep both of you forever together

After all,the baby is the living proof of your love,that's what he believes

He made sure you're kept safe and get the best health care from other women doctors/nurses,he doesn't trust male personnel

Brian was an implicated parent,altough he heavily wanted as little communication as possible from you and the outside world

From the time the daughter became a toddler,he started to grow those sick ideas into her little head about how ugly society is

As time flew by,he already convinced her that all men are beasts,and that the only safe resort she has are her parents

He not only made both yourself and your daughter paranoid,but made sure that the others would avoid interacting with both of you by saying things like "oh,my wife became mentally ill because of pregnancy complications..please do not stress her out"

If the daughter grows suspicious about her father's occupation,she would keep it a secret from her panicked mother and would try to figure it out herself,all while trying not to give Brian any clue about it

Brian genuinely thinks he made a safe space for his family,and without the reader's reasoning I can see both the reader and her daughter having a limited life inside the cabin and the forest

[blingblong55]

✨Hello✨ I would like some Headcannons of 141 + könig with a gen z reader who's on the older side (like, 20-25) at first they were besties with soap, but then they became good friends with everyone. They are one of the very few people who can bother the shit out of ghost and live to tell the tale. All of 141 and könig have had their nails painted/makeup done by reader, and once a week AT LEAST, reader and the 141 + könig have a ✨ s p a d a y ✨ face mask, manicures, pedicures, you name it and the reader, 141 + könig have probably done it. Reader is also ver affectionate. Their name can be whatever you want it to be. Have a good day/night, eat, drink water, and don't overwork yourself or I'll find you and hit you with a steel frying pan. Love ya 😁

I love the way you show your love for me!!

Material Girl- 141+König

Not a proper hc...I think (idk my brain isn't braining rn)

Gn!reader! Smut at the end so warning!!

It's been forever since you arrived at base. 141, mainly Ghost nicknamed you rooks, short for rookie, also short like you. "Sergeant rooks, get over here." "rooks you sure 'bout this?" "Hey rooks, wanna hang out" god did it exhaust you, but it was all banter. Nothing more.

Soap soon after you had arrived at base became your best friend, only friend in the eye of others. He knew almost everything of the tiny rookie that had become his friend. Price didn't get it at first. How someone so smart as you had befriended his Scott soldier. But soon after seeing you and him explode different things around base he understood, "not about the level of knowledge but by how dumb they both are." It took 5 months for them all to be open to you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"ghost...ghost...heeeeyyyyy ghooossstttt" you whispered yelled (does that make sense? hope it does)

"yes rooks?" His voice hinting at his frustration.

You jumped from behind and made him jump. "Just wanting to see if you were still alive" "3 laps around base, go"

----

And after much fight, he got used to you. Always making extra coffee for the days he knew you'd be around the most. He felt like a teacher with you and soap around. "If you do that, don't ya think it'll explode" then he saw your wheels turn. "that'll be awesome!"

----

"fuck off Janet. im not goin to your fucking baby shower?"

"Who the fucks is that sergeant?"

Man did you annoy him with quotes from tiktok, but he loved how every time you would laugh at literal dark jokes, others would consider a sigh of a mental illness. "Die bitch...dieeee!!" You said as he killed a spider. He soon chased you with it. And as always you cried a little.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

When the team found you stressed after a mission, they asked soap what a day off in your life looked like. "They better thank us for this." Price sighed as he, ghost and König prepared the common room to seem like a comfy living space.

"Ghost, you're next..what color would you like?" you looked up at him, annoyance leaked from his eyes. "Black..all black" You look around your kit, "I have glittery black? will that work?" your curious eyes starring at his, "fine" he responded. Gaz took pictures and sent them to the group chat, the same one he left because of your stupid daily memes.

"This is worse than torture."

"Do you or do you not feel bonita?" you smiled as you carefully painted his nails. He hesitated, "I feel bonita" . "Wonderful because you look Bonita!" you squealed, your hands cheerfully in the air.

Then it was König's turn, "nails or makeup mister?" you kindly asked. "pick makeup, their skin care routine after the removal makes your skin so smooth." gaz said as he caressed his own face. "Makeup, but just do my eyes please, ja?" You understood why his request was so odd, but you complied. Once you did his eyes: "gosh you look prettier than me, König!" he blushed at your comment. "Lift your mask, and I'll do your lips, want to see how pretty this shade will look on my pretty boy." you made way as he lifted his mask, "Pretty, pretty lips" his smile giving him away.

"Price?" "m'fine with the nails, thanks"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It was a Wednesday night, that you and the team designated for spa days. You bought them those soft hair bands with different shapes and colors. Ghost and König agreed on wearing surgical masks just for this activity. All of the tough soldiers reclined on sofas as you went around and applied face masks and cucumber for aesthetics. ----

Soap enjoyed how your hands would massage his hair. It was something you had mentioned, when he applied black war paint on his hair and you gasped. "If you want hair masks just ask Johnny! don't gotta kill me with this!" you exclaimed on the field.

----

They all had robes on, you even ordered those foot massager machines for them. And when you were done with their masks, you would lay on the floor with pillows around. You read, and sprayed the room with different aromas. Sometimes when you felt hippie enough you would walk around with incense.

----

It was the only time you went around taking pictures, they soon found out because you accidentally airdropped one to Gaz, who made it his profile on the group chat.

----

"it smells horrible" ghost would say, "shh im cleansing you honey" your calm voice making him more scared, what if you accidentally lit him on fire, something that soap had done to gaz when he too felt like a hippie.

"thank you hase (bunny)" König would always keep you close when this whole thing was happening, his excuse was that your body heat was comfortable to him, in reality, he just needed an excuse to have you near.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It was a routine that you had created with them. For Ghost and König, you always spent the nights with either of them, you would stay up and wait until they needed you. Hugs from these two were the best. Soldiers stared and they would give them 'the' look. (you comment on this..I kill what you love)

"König it's time for hugs!" you jumped and he catched you, your head on his chest, "You are kind mein König," you used that only when he needed to be brought back after a tough mission.

----

Soap and you had physical touch as love language, so showing him your affection was easy. You'd give his hands a squeeze or rubbed his shoulders and this man would just stand there, taking all the affection you could give. Sometimes it was him who would hug you so tight, you thought you might pass out.

"too much love" you would remind him. "m'sorry, felt like giving it all today" he would chuckle.

----

Price was different, this man needed affection when having smoke competitions.

"learned this one on tiktok," you inhaled and perfect circle flew around. "S'good, getting better." He would stare in amusement as the circle of smoke disappeared. But at times he did need a hug. So when the day needed a little snuggle, he would approach you. "Feeling a little cold today, you?" and you would just hug him tight. "Do you feel my love?" you smiled as your face was deep in his man boobs (man am I a whore for man boobs..so squishy and shit)

----

Gaz needed affection in fun ways. So every morning you would send him memes, or tease him about something. "S'not funny." "My uncle broke his neck tap-dancing once." and back to giggles it was. At times since you and him were somewhat the same age, you'd send tiktoks to one another.

"Gaz can you serve" He would pose and you'd laugh, "no like serve your country" and he'd salute. "Fucks sake was that." ghost would whisper to Price. "Maybe if we don't move, they won't notice us."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

(please tell me this is what you meant when you said "done it" cuz if not,,,them im putting myself on blast here)

NSWF(kinda) MINORS DNI!!!

MANHANDLED im telling you!!!

These man were starving for some sex. So when the opportunity rose, you as a decent person, homie hopped. (I would too, so no shame here)

It first started with Ghost, then König. Then the two men with you(yes..threesome bc we only live once). Soap would probably find the three of you fucking. It would be on accident though. He was walking around base when he heard you scream, and when he opened the door you were in between the two big men.

After a week of witnessing the naked horrors of his superior and friends he would talk to you. "I was tempted." you confessed. "Mind doing me next?" he bluntly said. "I mean, would you be up for it?" "Now? or later?" he looked at you, soon later it was you and him and the same room he had caught you in.

Then like a good father and son, price and gaz shared you. And I mean SHARED. You didn't hesitate, mainly because you had a thing for gaz since the beginning, but price was more of a fantasy that turned real.

It took a little bit of convincing, and a lot of drinking and smoking (green plant activities ) to be in the presence on them all.

Gang bang? anyone? Anyways, it was a sworn secret that was called a one time thing. But after the 3rd time of the one time thing it was just a team building exercise for sure. (monthly so you would be able to walk properly)However after every mission Ghost and König would fuck the anger off of their system. Price understood why you wouldn't be able to make it to some training days, those were also the days he had fun with "excuse or not you better pay your debt"

tags: @g4y-gr3ml1n

REQUEST ARE OPEN!!

A/N: please tell me you understood why the title is that?

[plusvanity]

hii! any thoughts on varg and marie's marriage? 🤔

Lots of thoughts actually.

First of all, let's determine a few simple constructs: Varg is a pathological narcissist and Marie is a victim.

I've heard a lot of people saying that Varg is a psychopath or a sociopath which is simply not true because no psychopath (factor 1 or factor 2) is able to maintain a long lasting relationship/ be in a commitment. This is a fact. Anyone who is willing to open a real book instead of watching trash videos of so-called 'psychopaths in love' will see what the reality of this condition is. End of story.

On the other side, narcissists are capable of commitment. (This is another controversy on its own). In fact, you'd be surprise to know how many narcissists are thriving in a happy marriage because they found their 'perfect person'.

What Varg did in prison was grooming a vulnerable, easily-impressed young woman (underage at that time) into believing that he is the one for her and vice-versa.

He brainwashed her, made her believe in a fantasy that is 'just the two of them against the world' (the shared fantasy), made sure that she will remain loyal and highly dependent on him. This type of abuse is very subtle and very easily to miss or to be confused with 'signs of love' because it doesn't use aggression. She honestly believes that he is the best that she could get and she loves him deeply. I have no doubt about that. She adores him like a husband, a god and a child at the same time (I will dwell into this soon)

When the shared fantasy is established, the non-narcissistic partner will start mirroring the narcissist's behavior and manners. As they mirror one another (to maintain their pseudo-rightness about the world and their own fantasy) they become 'one entity', one voice.

The narcissist swallows their partner's personality entirely, their free will, everything. And he does is in such way that their partner is unable to see the change. It's malicious. Now, I don't think that he does this intentionally, most narcissists are completely unaware of how they manipulate people because it's such an automatic mechanism (that started back in their early childhood) that they don't even think they do something wrong in the first place. They are mentally ill people, NPD is what their brain developed in order to cope with trauma. This is not a justification, this is an explanation.

As I stated, it's very obvious that Marie experiences a very deep kind of love for Varg, but does Varg love her back the same way?

Hard to tell without no solid indicators.

So, if we take Sternberg's theory of love, we can try to figure out what kind of love he might feel.

We know that he is committed, so, by elimination we've got: Fatuous Love, Empty Love, Companionate Love, and the most desirable Consummate Love.

What I'm making is just an assumption, but I'm inclined to believe that initially, he gave her Fatuous Love. Fatuous Love has commitment + passion (erotic component) but lacks intimacy. I'm inclined to this one because of how many kids they made and because narcissists are very very fearful of intimacy. But as the time progresses, it may be possible that his attraction to her moved towards Consummate Love where intimacy is of course present.

Are narcissists capable of reaching Consummate Love? Yes. Is it very likely to happen in a lifetime? No.

In fact, it's extremely rare because what a narcissist is by definition is against this type of love. But once in a million, it happens. Everything is about compatibility and the willingness to let your guard down in front of one person that you know they won't betray you.

Narcissist men have a very black and white thinking (they split) so, when it comes to their romantic partner, they segregate people in two categories: 'Madonna' and 'Whores'.

There's one single Madonna and the rest of the women are Whores. Varg's wife is sacred, above everyone because he made her the ultimate object of his adoration. He 'reprogrammed' her, if you may, to be his dream. While every other females that he comes across online are called degenerated, broken, etc.

He sees Marie like he sees his mother (if you're familiar with the psychoanalysis theory and the concept of the Dead Mother). What narcissists do regardless if they are men or female, they search to reenact their dynamic with their mother and to relive their childhood through their partner. This is of course what Varg does.

Some narcissists go so far that they compete with their own children for their 'mother's love'. I'm not saying that he does that, but it wouldn't be that far-fetched.

Lastly, broken people generate broken children, and this is a fact.

To sum up, he is an absent father figure since he wastes all of his time on the Internet, lives in a bubble with his wife completely disconnected from reality (they cannot face reality), they are both giants hypocrites, enablers (for one another), and they both seek endless amounts of attention for their little to no achievements. She is part of his image, his 'brand', and they both want to portray the image of a perfect, happily ever after family (it's not).

For those still wondering the most obvious aspect, Varg is miserable inside as every narcissist is no matter how much he tries to demonstrate that he is living his best life, which is pathetic and almost pitiful if he wasn't one of the worst humans that walked on earth.

I can tell so much more about Varg as an individual from what he shows, but as always, I keep the best parts for myself only.

Lucky you, it's not often I educate people for free. 🫶🫶

[ochrearia]

Ochre's Certified List of Yourself Headcanons (Brainrot)

I luv this guy. I love him I love he OAUGH here's the shit banging around in my brain about him because it will just start leaking out of my ears if I don't Talk About Him

-First and foremost this guy is still a BF and no matter how mysterious and cut off he wants to act that will not change. He's still a dumbass, acting mainly on wisdom from going through traumatic experiences. He's just got a lot of walls up and cans of worms to get through if he's gonna get anywhere back to being how like a BF normally is

-"Fallen" angel. His wings WERE ripped out (by himself) and it's about as painful and traumatic as you think. So yeah he has a nasty trauma response about the scarred nubs on his back where his wings used to be. Doesn't really like people touching his upper back for that reason. Doesn't want to talk about being an angel either. Lying by omission

-Despite believing he's "Fallen" when he's technically not, very confused and a bit panicked over the fact he still has his Guardian Angel instincts. Those instincts being getting insanely possessive over whoever he's supposed to be guarding.

-He's attached to his other selves. Herself knew his instincts were still there and 'tricked' him into attaching to them all because she didn't want him to do anything irrational. And, yknow, because she believes that he deserves to be loved

-Currently trying to fight the instinct possessiveness and absolutely fucking failing to the amusement of everyone around him. He's no stranger to being clingy but now it's gone ballistic

-Because he's technically still an angel, angels tend to always run cold. So he's cold all the time even if he turns the heat up in his apartment. Weighted blanket helps somewhat. What really helps is other people's body heat, Herself being a demon meant she always ran hot and he misses that so much. Misses her just in general.

-Also because of Herself being so warm all the time it became a way for her to quickly placate him for any reason. He likes being warm. Misses his girlfriend but the sentiment is still the same. Let him be warm and he's melting

-He's aware Herself's spirit is in his microphone and you can realistically argue she's not fully "dead" but he still feels responsible for her death. Still feels like he deserved getting his wings torn off. How she died I haven't decided on but he blames himself for everything. He always takes the blame onto himself even if it doesn't make any sense to do so

-He's depressed. Like let's make this entirely clear he very much is. Traumatized and struggling to want to even stay alive, and I know what that's like because of my own experiences. Scary how sometimes you can act like everything is fine and normal but still be so ill mentally. Able to smile and laugh and get a moment or two of actually enjoying life but still being so sad (At least he's getting to have more of those moments or two with the other hims around, compared to being alone.)

-He seeks out other versions of himself to help them instead. He doesn't believe he deserves to be helped and even though he's so tired of feeling so terrible he can't get past that hurdle. So the next best thing is helping himself, but like, not HIM himself. Distracts him from the hell that is his life, and he finds out quickly he enjoys doing this

-Later along the line YS has a realization that the idea of seeking out other selves to help them might've been an underlying failsafe of his species. There was no real reason for him to do it. Geez, why does he still have all of these Guardian Angel instincts if he's supposed to be a "Fallen" angel?

-YS has RSD on steroids. He hates the second guessing he always has to do when it comes to his residual magic, because do the others actually care or is it just his magic influencing their minds to MAKE them care? False reasoning. He doesn't want to be liked for invalid reasons. He wants to be cared about because he deserves it, and a lot of the time he really doesn't think he even does. But he wants to be cared about like anyone else would. Rejection/Jokes about invalid reasons for being liked makes him upset

-I tend to skirt around it a lot but his world's Pico is just, not around. YS doesn't know if he's dead or alive, and he doubts that he'd want to reach out to him if he was. They were best friends and at a point YS did, love him, like that, but it never got anywhere. Doesn't think it was a reciprocated feeling anyways (Oh, but it might have been...) but it's far too late now anyway. Maybe he misses him

-Okay now onto the sillier things

-BOY HE SURE DOES GIVE REALLY GOOD HUGS DOESN'T HE. Maybe it is a little bit of the magic but never underestimate the addictive power of a hug from a man who hugs like he's never been given affection before and needs it desperately

-YS has every disease and by disease I mean he is touch starved and emotionally constipated and wants affection so bad but doesn't know how to ask for it. BFs are loverboys why would he be any different

-He tries to act all mysterious and shit and pretend like he's this legendary force of nature and that he knows everything. Nuh uh

-Also. Here we go again with Ochre sees a character that is a hardass or tough, decides that they need to be horrendously ticklish to balance that shit out. It's funny I swear it is. Tries to hide it but keeps getting found out and it's so over for him. I doubt they would let him know peace (Biff definitely hasn't)

-Related, let this man laugh more. Please. His laugh would definitely be rough with disuse and airy, like he doesn't remember how to laugh to begin with and that's illegal he needs to learn again... Prone to snorts because I said my other BFs would also snort if they laugh too hard and SIMILARITIES

-Love/Hate relationship with his ability to shapeshift. He will genuinely just lose control of it entirely if he gets too upset, or too flustered/embarrassed. And by lose control I mean he shrinks. Small man. Stupid idiot. The other BFs need to make a list of how to get him embarrassed because they find tiny YS hilarious

-He calls the other BFs "little" but if he's shrunk and any of them start calling him "little" he's dying. Absolutely ruined. Small YS is just the other BFs' stuffed aminal they can hug to their chest and he does jackshit to fight it

-He secretly really likes music box/lullaby songs. Like a tranquilizer dart to his brain. The other BFs find this out and oooooh, it's so easy for them to get him to fall asleep now

-Horrendous soda addict. Dude probably has empty cans he keeps forgetting to clean up just around his room. Insists he's gonna clean them or do something with them someday and just doesn't and no one can convince him to break this habit

-Hides his smile with a hand a lot of the time. If it's not a smirk or an amused tease of a smile, then it's too genuine and embarrassing for him to let people see in his head.

-It's actually really easy for the other BFs to make him wildly happy and he would rather die than admit that out loud but they can Tell. He's bad at hiding the glee from his face

-He really is a Silly Billy if he gets past all his trauma. He's a BF after all. He can be fun if he feels like he deserves to have fun. Getting hard for him to not be mischievous around the other BFs

-Hey did I say this guy is touch starved to hell? Chronic cuddler. He was already kind of cuddly with Herself before she died and it was cute how clingy he was. Still is. Just scared to let people see it.... Doesn't stop him from being one regardless

-Said he likes music box/lullaby type songs because it calms him down, singing/humming a song in that same vein is his go-to for when he doesn't know what to say and he wants to help someone feel better

-Oh please, please if you are a BF and he reached out to you, please call him your big brother, oh he loves that it makes him so happy and he deserves to be happy please call him that and mean it

-Sleep talker. Well more like sleep mumbler but same thing. He doesn't sleep all that well because of his depression and sometimes he's more-so "almost asleep" than actually asleep and he mumbles about random shit

-Loves the sound of wind. Also loves the feeling of wind, reminds him of pre-wingless times and as much as it's cold it's still a comfort. Reminds him to take a deep breath and slow down, go brainless, just live

-Wanna know an easy way to make YS get happy tears? Look him seriously in the eye and tell him you're proud of him. Can't handle it in a /vpos way

-YS loves astronomically hard. He just does. In any context or type of love he loves HARD. He will get wrapped around anyone's finger and let it happen

-Particularly fond of pineapple for some reason. He hasn't taken very good care of himself after Herself died and it's visible with how thin he is. The other BFs try to get him to eat more. He's asked what he likes and the only thing they got out of him was pineapple. Okay fruity ass

-Has a custom made hoodie given to him as a gift from the RGBFverse BFs. He's practically always wearing it now, it's soft and helps with how cold he always is and it's a gift. Means that his brothers love him. He wants to keep that sentiment with him, keeps him going (He will never say that out loud)

-Scared of lightning. Most BFs kind of seem to be scared of thunder, or both at the same time, YS is specifically scared of lightning. Doesn't care about the thunder after. Before his wings were gone, he once got lost in a lightning storm. Almost got struck, and because there was so much lightning it was hard for him to see where he was even flying, being constantly blinded by the flashes. So yeah, he does NOT like it.

-Still gets periods of phantom pain in the points of his wing scars. Pisses him off because why is there pain there's literally nothing there anymore. Always refuses to ask for comfort when this happens because he's stupid, stubborn, and doesn't want his brothers knowing about it

-Swears he doesn't need Cyber's gift of the Warmies plushie. Has been caught several times squeezing that thing to death after having put it in the microwave. Doesn't even care about the lavender scent he just wants the Warm

-Oh what's that? Bash is older than him, so realistically Bash should be the Big Brother here? Absolutely not YS will INSIST Bash is a little brother because he does not trust himself to not crumble to pieces if there was someone in an eldest position above him that would take care of him. Bash still does anyways

-Immune to getting sick. Not immune to experiencing hell on earth migraines. So he usually ends up helping take care of the morons when they get sick since he wouldn't catch what they have. And then he slinks off pitifully into a corner with the lights off when a migraine hits.

I might add more if I think of more and I definitely will but I'm stopping Here because I will never get free from this post if I keep going rn LOVE HIM

[ohanny]

stabby murder husbands kentakim au!

does this make much sense? no. is it going to be long? yes. am i sometimes very happy about what my mentally ill lil brain cooks up while i sleep? very much so.

tony chen is a rotten super villain in every universe but in this one kenta was his assassin until he finally had enough, turned on his master during the bloodiest night known in these circles, john wick style, and then disappeared off the face of the earth. was tony running the high table? how deep does the lore go? who knows. i was asleep. my brain did not have the capacity to figure it all out.

flash forward some years. kenta is living a normal life. he has a boring office job. he’s reconnected with babe, his estranged brother who ran away from home at the first sight of sketchy activities and was spared from all of tony’s bullshit. unfortunately for kenta, babe - happily married and pregnant - is channelling all his extra hormones and boredom into a mission to socialize his hermit crab of an older brother.

which is how kenta ends up eating dinner in babe and charlie’s warehouse loft of doom, sitting opposite of kim - a regular customer at the couple’s garage and a casual friend. it’s an awkward affair because a) kim can't stop staring b) babe keeps shooting these looks at kenta all “see, i brought you a hot ginger, do something with it” and c) kenta would much rather be at home. unsurprisingly, when kim offers him a ride home at the end of the evening, kenta says no.

this turns out to be a bad call because on his way home, kenta gets jumped. it happens sometimes - after all, he was tony’s weapon for over a decade and made a lot of enemies, no one can escape their past without occasionally being haunted by it. except this time when he limps out of the alleyway, clutching a minor stab wound on his side, there is a car idling by the pavement.

it's kim, rolling down the window and telling kenta to get his ass in. against his better judgment kenta does.

kim speeds off the scene of the crime with the kind of ease and confidence kenta has only ever seen from babe. it quickly becomes apparent that he knows way more about kenta than he should because he starts asking about cameras and when kenta just stares blankly - bleeding all over the nice upholstery - kim laughs and says “don’t worry, even if you got a bit rusty and missed one, i know a guy. or two. since they live with me you'll meet them soon anyway.”

and fuck, kenta should have just trusted his instincts instead of chalking kim making him nervous up to having someone so pretty pay any level of attention to him. he finally finds his voice (and lowkey also his knife) and demands to know who the hell kim is or if he's even called that. “oh i am,” kim answers gleefully, “and you could say i’m a… freelancer.” which, great. just amazing. kenta is being kidnapped by some amateur bounty hunter and his day officially couldn't get any worse.

… but it does. because once they reach their destination, the second he's ushered into an apartment he's greeted by an obnoxiously loud scream of “holy shit, he actually did it!” followed by a slightly less obnoxiously loud “our kimmy here is a big fan!” and then “oh fuck he’s bleeding all over the place, get the med kit dumbass!” and kenta realizes he wasn't kidnapped by some amateur bounty hunter. he was kidnapped by a fucking fan boy. on the bright side they do seem to be capable of basic wound care so there's that.

(yes, the trio is living their best mercenary vigilante life. kenta’s purge of tony happened right as kim was getting into the game and he went full “holy fucking shit, this man took down tony fucking chen and got away with it?” and basically became obsessed with the legendary lore of john wick kenta. so imagine how pumped he was when babe of all people introduced him to his ultimate murder crush goals)

kim: obviously you'll need to stay the night since you're so injured. You can have my room. i’ll just sleep with north and sonic.

kenta: …

sonic: you have a problem with three men sleeping together?

kenta: … no?

north: great! but if you hypothetically did you could ask kim to share with you instead because trust me, he's like super interes -

kim: shut up or i’ll evict you.

north: pls, whose day job is paying the bills here since you only take on charity cases?

kim: my name is on the lease! and i'm being a good person!

sonic: honey, you kill people.

this is where i got with my dream sequence but other things that just make sense in this verse:

the first person kim ever killed was winner. he was a toxic college hook up who kim dumped after few gos but who wouldn't take no for an answer. kim could have dealt with him being a dick on campus but then he started harassing kim’s dorm mates, north and sonic and kim just… snapped.

it all came to head on an alley behind a trashy gay bar. winner tried to grab sonic and kim honestly just meant to beat the shit out of him but went too far. when they read the news the next day it's weird. none of them regret it. they’re happy about it. and when no one knocks on their door to ask any questions, they realize how easy it actually is to get rid of a bad person.

the second person kim kills is a campus dirtbag who likes slipping shit into girls’ drinks and taking them home. they plan it all together but kim goes out alone and after… he's a mess. winner was a crime of passion in the heat of the moment but this is something different. he's all keyed up. he can't settle down and paces around their living room. a man is dead and he thinks he got off clean but only time will tell. he's nervous and elated and half-hard and full of adrenaline and it's sonic who nudges north and goes “look at the poor thing, we should take care of him.”

the night ends with kim’s head on sonic’s lap, sonic’s fingers in his hair, telling him he did well and he's so good when he cries as he's getting fucked into the mattress by north. kim wakes up sandwiched between them, in a mess of limbs. he has a very brief freak out about what the happened - the sex, not the murder - but north shushes him, telling him it’s not a big deal. “we love you, hyungie” sonic shrugs and pecks his cheek. “you two get some more rest and i’ll bring breakfast, okay?” and that's that.

needless to say kenta is in for a culture shock with the northsonickim arrangement. like he's taking a shower with kim and things are getting good when sonic barges into the bathroom, yanks the shower curtain back and goes on a rant of “kim, you gotta tell north to do the laundry because it was his turn but he forgot and now my favorite pants still have cum stains on them!” and kenta is like “um, excuse us?” but kim just rolls his eyes and proceeds to yell for north and then has an entire damn conversation with his dick out while kenta just stands there all 🧍‍♂️. (after he's done chewing north out for the laundry, he turns to sonic like “and you! we talked about this! kenta is new, we don't want to spook him!”)

the whole murder thing will be another conflict. kenta is happily retired. he killed because that's what he was raised to do and he didn't have any other options until he did. kim though? kim kills because he wants to. kim kills because he believes certain people deserve to die.

kim: i have a date with a wife beater at 2am. wanna come?

kenta: stop calling them dates. and you shouldn't be so… flippant about it.

kim, smirking while pulling on his leather gloves: don't tell me you never enjoyed it.

while kenta’s kills were always obvious hits, done using knives and guns, kim likes to deliver justice personally. he warms up using his hands and finishes the job with whatever blunt object he can pick up.

one time kenta’s boring office job takes him out of town for business and kim is climbing the walls. he calls kenta all “please quit and just become a hit man again, the pay is better and you'd be home when i need you” and kenta sighs because yes, his job is boring but he's trying his best to be normal and he has a morning meeting. so he tells kim to go occupy himself with north and sonic

kim: wait.. What?

kenta: don't you guys have sex with each other all the time?

kim: we did, BEFORE i met you

kenta: … huh. well. go fuck or get fucked or whatever before you start hunting pedestrians for stress relief.

kim: is this a trap?

kenta: no? i would never mess with whatever the three of you have.

Kim barging into north and sonic’s room, growling at them to take their clothes off and sonic’s first reaction is “oh shit, they broke up” but then kim’s like “dick first, rings second, i’m going to wife that man so hard he won't know what hit him” and everyone cheers and no one feels bad about having a pre-engagement celebration threesome not involving one of the grooms.

also, pete? did he step up after tony’s death? does he run a business like the continental? is way his weird attic wife that fucked himself over in the business and now can't step a foot outside the hotel without getting his brains blown out the less fun way? in any case he would have an eye on both kenta (because their whole… brotherhood) and kim (because kim is a wild card and truly independent and neither follows nor knows the code).

[acefantasyy]

Thoughts on Vash seeking out physical touch pls?

Like his eyes trailing over your waist as he imagines how you’d feel in his hands, the weight of you perhaps comforting.. or how your breath would feel against his skin, how warm you’d be, etc

✦- Vash x gn. reader

✦cw. none that I can think of, just some touch starved content

✦note. I'm so mentally ill over him, I love him to bits an piece the thoughts are endless with this I swear!! 98 vash was in my mind when I wrote this but it could be perceived as 23 vash as well. Thank you for the request chris!! I had lots of fun writing it

✦word count- 1k

••

•There is without a doubt that he is so unbelievably touch starved, he’s been around for such a long time and has been on the run which obviously has left little to no room for him to become close to someone on a level close to romanticity. Well at least that was the case until he met you, a kind soul that didn’t think he was all the rotten things that were being spoken about him and wasn’t afraid to voice it when those harsh words got into the blonde’s head. That had been months ago now since his first meeting with you and when worse came to turn you set out beside him on his travels to the next towns he walked towards despite his multiple attempts to get you to not travel with him.

•And with those travels sometimes came cheap shared inn rooms and shared beds after the two of you continuously fought over who got the bed but disagreeing when the other said they would take the floor and use their sleeping bag. Those nights left the blonde wide awake from the proximity of both your bodies, but mainly the gentle breath’s he felt hit him while you slept and the way your hand would reach out to take hold of his own in the midst of slumber and gently stroke his knuckles with your thumb. Days after that those moments replay endlessly in his mind wondering what it could possibly feel like to hold you in his grasp while the two of you slept peacefully in another rickety hotel bed. He’d aimlessly wondered if you had ever shared his same thoughts too after a long tiring trip across the blazing desert to the next closest town, the constant light brush of your hand against his keeping the endearing thoughts running rampant in his frazzled brain.

•Vash’s thoughts are soon answered though when late one night when the two of you were in separate rooms for safety reason after a particularly dangerous situation involving a group of very angry gunman that tried to use you as leverage to get him to give himself up, your tired form slinking into his room in the dead of night and gently nudging him awake, asking if it was okay if you stayed with him instead of being alone. There’s an instant yes from him before he moves over and holds the dusty comforter up for you to crawl in beside him, your arms instantly wrapping around his middle in a bone crushing hug while you buried your face into his shirt leaving the blonde to keep his hands in the air not knowing what to do with them until you quietly tell him to hold you, which he gladly does, an arm wrapping around you in a gently embrace while the other slowly brushed through the back of your hair in attempt to calm you down the best he could.

•There’s no questions asked after that night from either of you and no more fighting over the bed, you now wordlessly wrapping his arms around you when the two of you laid down at night to sleep. During the nights spent under the stars your usual two sleeping bags are now joined together as one giant one to keep the cold out so you two would stay warmer but in all honesty you both had it in your minds that the real reason was because you didn’t want to sleep without the other. Vash admittingly tells you that he really enjoys being able to hold you close when the two of you sleep because it brings him a strong sense of comfort that he hasn’t really felt before and that he knows that you’d be safe in his arms while you slept the night away. 

•At some point down the road the two of you eventually become an item after a very very long talk late one night about what being in a relationship with vash would be like to him, how it was much different from what the two of you had going on before and what it could possibly lead to in the future. And from that Vash finally tells you the truth about him and the reason why he was on the run and had such a high bounty, it leaves you a little stunned but nonetheless you tell him that it doesn’t change at all how you feel about him and you reassure him for however long it takes, you having him lay on you while you give him heartfelt affirmations all the while you run your fingers through his blonde hair and leave kisses along the crown of his head. He ends up drifting asleep to the sound of your heartbeat that night, the rhythmic thumps sounding like a ever so sweet lullaby to his ears. 

•During the blonde’s darkest moments when everything seems to have gone worse for turn, the nights where he would spend long hours in the bathroom so as not to bother you, they are now spent in your arms on a rickety inn bed. When he voices to you that he feels as if nothing around him is real and that he doesn’t deserve the kindness that he’s received, you're there to ground him in the best way that you can, carefully pressing your weight onto him as you lay on his chest and tell him that everything is in fact real and that he deserves every bit of kindness that is given to him. You let him soak your night shirt in tears that he’s had to keep hidden for so long, and when sobs begin to wrack his body that he can no longer keep silent you press soft kisses to the apples of his cheeks and wipe away his tears with your thumbs. The press of your lips brings him a sense of calm, the plush warm softness making him sigh as his eyelashes flutter to a close.

✦tags. -

[verdemoun]

Do any of the gang members find out that they have any disorders/mental illnesses/etc. once they get timewarped and if so what are their reactions? Ranging from “oh, I though that was normal” to “NUH UH!”

timewarp was founded on the gang realising they have ptsd and kieran's autism being more obvious and worse in timewarp. but in detail

kieran is autistic

sean might have adhd but he doesn't actually have hyperactivity as a symptom. plot twist he just has that erratic trauma avoiding energy. it is a lot more masking severe c-ptsd and imposter syndrome that is his behind his exaggerated happy personality. see reform school lore

arthur is one of the few diagnosed he definitely had an acquired brain injury which while a physical injury manifests with mostly neurological symptoms. sometimes he gets confused or irritated for seemingly no reason, and this has been a thing since long before timewarp. the gang move on from joking about how dumb he is he does have an intellectual disability as part of his ABI. his response was very "oh I thought that was normal" and "bah i ain't need help".

the gang have subconsciously been aware of this long before they had the medical knowledge to understand it and are all pretty used to quickly explaining things or reminding arthur of stuff he forgets. lowkey consider this canon ever notice how the gang talk to arthur sometimes not entirely condescending but explaining things on his level eg sean being the one to point out the grays will definitely recognise him and he should hide in the wagon, grimshaw almost playfully reminding a grown man to wash because he straight up forgets, gentle reminders of what they're doing through heists even beyond game mechanics a lot of heist cut scenes are super repetitive like charles very much breaking down we're blowing a hole in the bank. take the spool and connect it to the detonator. the detonator is over there. it just feels like they know arthur isn't always entirely there and are v supportive. arthur is so curious and asks so many questions and the gang just roll with it and answer most of the time it feels so kind and positive.

arthur also definitely has adhd. hyper-fixates on new interesting thing for a month and then completely forgets everything he ever learned about it

almost the entire gang acknowledge they have ptsd/c-ptsd and varying levels of trauma as a response their lives/childhoods/relationships with parents/being a VDL. acknowledging it doesn't mean they do anything to move towards recovery because they are still mostly men raised with 19th century values who hang shit on each other for flinching at loud noises or being 'is someone shooting at us' alert

lenny and isaac as the most aware begging their friends/family to take their mental health seriously and are constantly met with 'lmao no' 'that's?? normal?? what do you mean' and 'NUH'. lenny cries 'please this is re-traumatising you are actively upsetting yourselves' while the gang go 'boo grow a pair' despite experiencing varying levels of anxiety attack in response to triggers.

john will only bring up 'hey stop making wolf jokes about me it is Actually a Trigger' to stop the gang bullying him. very genuine trigger and phobia of wolves and wolf-like dogs but still doesn't take it seriously himself

bill has recognized anger management issues and is in therapy. alcoholism is a definite concern. he's also just got a lot of internalised homophobia and complex feelings about the gang and his own childhood to unpack and learn how to articulate and express his feelings in a healthier way. only one of the adult gang who is actively trying to improve his mental health through therapy go king

the d in dsm-5 stands for dutch and he is thriving in in-patient care. not even the doctors know entirely what to diagnose him because he seems to have symptoms of everything but is responding best to medications traditionally used to support bi-polar

special acknowledgement to karen who is very very depressed but is a thriving with anti-depressants because trying to get the gang to go to actual psychologists and therapy is Hell. her and sean send each zoloft memes constantly

[fayedartmouth]

Can I just say that im super excited that you are writing fics that focuses on mental trauma? I mean please dont get me wrong all of your fics have characters depth but it’s mostly filled with physical hurt/comfort and i still love them all, they changed my brain chemistry forever.

But I really got excited when you shared your thoughts on the best of the bad deal book 3 and your long fix it and when i saw there’s more focus on the characters mental aspects/trauma i lost it lmao

I already saw how you handle that aspect in the last chapter of surrender and it was perfect and I really can’t wait for more :)

I am incapable of being brief, so I'll put this under a cut to be nice to people who don't like to hear me ramble.

I love physical whump in ways I can't explain but there's something special about the emotional stuff. Especially with JJ. I honestly think that's the worst part of the way the show killed him off. The show took him to such dark places in S4 and let him get as low as he could get -- literally suicidal -- and then we're supposed to feel like he had a magic moment where he saved Sarah and he was suddenly okay again. Which -- no, no way. JJ rallied because his friends needed him and JJ has always been willing to be what his friends needed when they needed him. It's the only way he understands his own worth -- by what he gives others.

The show lets him die with that mentality, that his worth is only determined by his utility, and it never let him deal with his abandonment issues or any of the other traumas he'd dealt with. I sincerely believe his downfall in S4 was set up for his redemption -- so to have him die at the end was just devastating.

In the fix-it I have planned, JJ dealing with his trauma is a core element of it because I don't think, after all he's been through/done, that there's some quick fix. It's going to be a long slog because it has to be. It's messy and complicated with a lot of ups and down.

(In the first fic, he does hit rock bottom and becomes essentially the worst version of himself. In the second fic, he has to confront his demons and finally overcome them -- and it is a process. There will be a very depressed and withdrawn JJ who becomes increasingly more depressed the more he tries to act like everything is fine. He's a total mess, and blames himself for everything, the events of S4 only making him feel less worthy of his friends than ever. He goes to some dark places before he comes out on the other side. But again, the ending is happy and hopeful and sets up, lol, a third fic. There's also a long journey for Kie and her mental health, which is also a complete mess.)

I wrote Best of a Bad Deal before S4 came out, but the idea is a lot the same. JJ has PTSD from his illness -- but from so much else, too. He's finally willing to put in the work to deal with both and end up a happier, and healthier person on the other side. In Best of a Bad Deal Book Three, he 100% ends up in therapy and it's very, very good for him. He will literally get everything he ever wanted, lol.

Which is all to say, I will always write physical whump and it's what I love. But for JJ, the emotional healing is what he needs most and I hate that we were denied some acknowledgement of that before he died. It's not even that they killed him. They killed him so flippantly and acted like he got everything he ever wanted. I 100% believe that final speech was for Kie's sake only --because yeah, that's what JJ would do. He would look out for her first and foremost, because JJ cares about his friends more than he has ever cared about himself.

[positivelybeastly]

I've got another question for you--how did you feel about Young Hank's "magic arc" during All-New? I've got thoughts and such, but I know this will spur a good detailed response, so!

As you intimated, I do indeed have thoughts, though I caution that my knowledge of this particular phase of Hank's stories I know maybe least well? The 90s and the mid 2010s are my biggest weak spots for Hank knowledge because of my distaste for storytelling trends in the former, and the general just. Disarray of most Marvel books in the latter.

That being said, I did read the books because I was interested in seeing how they handled it.

In a nutshell? Untapped potential. This was most acute in X-Men: Blue, which was simultaneously the best written of the three time displaced books, but which also seemed most interested in focusing on Scott and Jean at the expense of Hank, Bobby, and Warren. The epitome of this was the culmination of the demonic temptation arc.

The fact that it's all brought back to Hank's ultimate desire to want to be there for his friends, to support them, to be there for them in ways he doesn't feel like he currently is able to, is a big plus to me, at least.

That has, at its heart, always been my read on Hank's character - that if he moves on his moral compass, that if he does something rash and ill-considered and dumb, then it's out of a place of misguided good intention, and never malice. That's the heart of my issues with X-Force's characterisation of him as evil, it fundamentally misunderstands that a good majority of his 'bad' decisions are done based on compassion, and it can't bear to even pretend he was ever good or compassionate.

Even his decision to break time in All-New vol. 1 was born out of a want for Scott to be his friend again, out of moral cowardice, out of an inability to hurt and kill a man he once loved as much as his own family. Yes, it was filtered through a dozen brain aneurysms, but that is why he did it, ultimately.

It's also maybe why he's always gotten on with Scott, and then why their 'break up' was so acrimonious. Scott's willingness to do anything to keep mutantkind alive is mirrored by Hank's willingness to do anything to make sure his friends stay alive, but (at least until X-Force), Scott's willingness manifested as morally abhorrent but tactically sound decisions, while Hank's willingness manifested as morally 'better' (no-one got killed) but intellectually stupid decisions that ended up tying things into knots and making them more complicated in the long run.

It's just that, you know, none of this ever really got codified in the books, so it looked like Hank was doing dumb shit to be petty, because Bendis doesn't care about Hank's emotional state.

But anyway.

Hank must be set apart, and appreciated, and loved, or he is nothing. He can't stand to be ignored, or considered useless. That's just the way he's wired. He'll do anything to remain necessary. So far, so good. That's a good read on him. This is the miracle child effect that's dogged Hank's mentality since he was born.

This is really good set-up!

And then it completely bottles it.

I was so excited, man. I thought, okay, so since Warren and Bobby are barely interacting with Hank, and Jean and Scott have their weird love triangle going on with Jimmy Hudson (fuck off), adding Bloodstorm to the team means that she must be a foil for Hank, right? This issue, which introduces her and gives us a view into her mind and makes it clear that she thinks so very highly of Hank, sets up a friendship, maybe even something more, right?

Wrong.

Oh.

Bloodstorm and Hank barely interact again, and Bloodstorm just becomes another accessory to the Scott-Jean-Jimmy triangle, turning it into a weird 'I-don't-give-a-fuck-what-geometric-shape-this-is-'situation. I was so disappointed, man. Instead, Hank is given an almost entirely off-panel relationship with Gazing Nightshade.

And his relationship with his older self?

This is about it for their meaningful interactions, if you don't include him being a bitch to older Hank in Uncanny #600 and Hickman's New Avengers. Considering Hank has changed the most, and was, for the majority of the time the displaced O5 were present, the character who remained alive and whole and who had the most story potential to mine (Warren was memory wiped, Jean was already dead, Scott would go on to die, and Bobby was whatever), the fact that these two barely interact just made me not really care about younger Hank, especially because of two simple facts.

One, young Hank has always been the worst and least interesting version of the character (well, until Percy's Beast came along) because he's just big guy who talks eloquently, and that's fine for a 60s comic, but all of his really unique aspects only came out when he turned furry.

So, you're starting with the least interesting version of the character, which . . . is fine, you can always improve on that. But I don't really feel like they did, because it felt like there was a lack of interest in really moving Hank forward. Both Hanks were stuck in a rut at this time, so, you know, I guess they match, woo. But it just kinda sucked to see so many issues where young Hank was around, and he'd just. Not really do anything that couldn't have been done by another character. He never interacted with any characters that older Hank had special relationships with like young Scott or Jean did, and he wasn't forming new relationships that I could be excited about, either.

Two, younger Hank gets angry at older Hank, right? For bringing them here, wrecking the timestream, all of that? He makes disparaging remarks about turning into a blue homunculus?

Not one single writer every had older Hank turn around and point out that the man who turned them into a blue furry beast was WAY closer in appearance, emotional temperament, and history to young Hank.

Yes, older Hank may be the guy who did it, twenty years or so ago, but younger Hank was the guy who is GOING to do it, because of the tendencies that his magic arc showcased, because of the pride, because of the ego, and his older self, who HAS that context, who KNOWS what he's like, who is AWARE of his personality flaws, NEVER blames him for that! Never takes him to task for the moral grandstanding!

Because here's the thing - yes, Hank CAN be proud, and he can have an ego, but the WORST of it died when he mutated himself, because he fucked up his entire life in the course of one night and he was never able to fix it, just recover from it! He learned!

Young Hank hasn't learned that lesson yet! And despite older Hank being there, and knowing that already, they NEVER talk about it! It's just brushed over! Absolutely goddamn maddening.

Young Hank re-learned a lesson that older Hank knew, and we didn't even get the parts where older Hank even tries to impart that knowledge, because we've got to spend time on bamfs and crossovers to the Ultimate Universe and Kid Apocalypse and the future Brotherhood and a minivan that's bigger on the inside and oh my god what are we even here for, guys? Why are we ignoring this character's obvious main foil, his older self???

. . . Anyway.

It was interesting see Hank turn to something other than science to keep him going, because he knows this is something that's within him, that science is something this version has gravitated towards and excelled in, but he knows that's not always a multiversal constant.

Science is a part of him, but it is not him. Science is just a mechanism by which he understands why, by which he understands because. Hank McCoy wants to understand why something happens, he wants to understand the because, and how he gets there is changeable. So the magic arc should really have been a fulfilment of the promise of these pages from Endangered Species.

But I don't really feel like it really went anywhere. I don't feel like anything new was revealed about Hank through his flirtation with magic. He'll do anything for his friends, even make desperate, dumb decisions; he'll transform himself in the pursuit of knowledge; he'll fix what he broke, and people will take him back with a slap on the wrist and then they'll go back to mostly ignoring him. (It was very significant to me that young Hank's demonic corruption happened without anyone noticing, because Hank is a king of seeming fine while his life is falling apart, and some things really do never change.)

All of these character traits had already been established by previous storylines, but better, tbh.

It was repetitious, just like older Hank's repeating arc going on at that same time of making a massive science mistake, feeling guilty and vowing not to do it again, only to be reset the next time they wanted to do a big crossover event with a big science mistake to fit. I can only stand to see the same things repeated without any attempt to break the cycle or progress past it so many times. This is partly why feline Hank's story has always felt so impactful to me, because it always felt like it was moving forward and he was changing and growing. He learned. At least, it felt like he did.

I don't really think anyone was learning anything in All-New vol. 1 and 2 or X-Men: Blue. I felt like I was just killing time, reading a mostly Scott and Jean centric book that Hank occasionally guest starred in.

As for what came after Extermination - the fact that no-one picked up on the fact that older Hank should have known magic once the memories merged is kind of confirmation to me that no-one at Marvel had any real interest in exploring this side of Hank, so I couldn't and can't quite get excited about it.

It would've been at least neat to see evil Beast break out the magic when he got cornered, but like everything else, Percy ignored that, too. If new Hank has these memories, it has yet to be established on panel, and he seems to be more of the traditional Hank wheelhouse, just progressing in a different way, as detailed in the Infinity Comics releasing atm.

If I had been reading at the time (I stopped around 2015, before Hank got into magic), I probably would've been more invested in the idea of Hank learning magic, but as it is, I came back to it a year or two ago while I was waiting for X-Force to finish, and knowing that it all ended with 'and then the time displaced arc didn't matter to anyone but Scott and Bobby' just meant I looked at all of this like, this is a lot of set-up for plots that never happened and never really went anywhere. Shame. There really was potential here.

I kept staring at Hank, waiting for him to do something, to have a romance, to be tested again and succeed or fail, to show he's learned his lesson or not, to bond with Bloodstorm over temptation, to talk with his older self about what he's learned, but instead, he would have one issue of focus, and then fade into the background while everything else took precedence. I just got bored and started flicking through.

I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on it, though. Maybe there's a issue I missed or didn't pay attention to that will 'unlock' this arc for me and make it all crystallise in a way. I'd love to be wrong.

[cosmicjoke]

Is Yashiro’s sexuality innate or his another coping mechanism with trauma, as if the trauma was too early (before he knew what affection was) and too severe that his brain restructures itself to survive? If he had never been raped, would he be heterosexual?

That's kind of an impossible question to answer, I think.

Yashiro's trauma runs incredibly deep, and the abuse he suffered as a child undoubtedly warped his understanding of his own, sexual proclivities. I think there's no question that Yashiro's perception of himself as a masochist is a result of the abuse he endured, and doesn't actually reflect on his genuine sexual desires. I don't think Yashiro is a masochist at all, or a sadist, but he convinced himself he was both of those things as a means of coping with his trauma. If he could frame it in his mind that he caused the abuse in some way, and wanted the abuse, then he wouldn't have to face up to his victimization. If he could convince himself he chose to be abused, he wouldn't have to deal with how powerless he's been his entire life. That's why, when we first meet Yashiro, he's so promiscuous, why he sleeps around and seeks out men who will mistreat him, because in his mind, each time that happens, it reaffirms this self-image he's built up of himself as being the instigator of that abuse, and so then, he can believe he's not actually a victim.

But of course, Yashiro is a victim. He's always been a victim. First of his stepfather, and then, later, of the men who willingly took advantage of him and his mental illness. Yashiro's sexual encounters, even as he gave his verbal consent, have always been, at best, dubious, because a man suffering from the types of mental issues Yashiro is suffering from isn't really capable of consenting, imo.

I'm not even entirely convinced that Yashiro likes sex at all, from men or women. He doesn't like rough sex, despite convincing himself for years that he does, (I think one of the most powerful moments showing us this is the first time Inami rapes him, and Inami blithely comments to Doumeki about how Yashiro "passed out" when it got too rough, and how he isn't a true masochist), and while he responds to gentle sex, it simultaneously makes him feel physically ill, and that's all bound up, I think, in the fact that his stepfather, while sexually abusing him, would tell him he was really a woman. I think Yashiro is so repulsed by gentle treatment during sex because it reminds him of what his stepfather said, and in turn, reminds him of what his stepfather did. It brings the memories of that abuse to the forefront of Yashiro's mind, and it makes him sick when that happens. And I think Yashiro's deep fear in acknowledging that his body responds to gentle sex, and his inability to admit he wants and enjoys it, is because he thinks to do so would be to affirm his stepfathers words. Yashiro believes that women want gentle sex, and that its the proper way to treat women while having sex with them. Therefor, acknowledging his own body's response to gentle sex is, in a way, an acceptance of his stepfather's claims, that he's really a woman, and that in turn is an acknowledgment of the power his stepfather had, and continues to have, over him. It's an affirmation of Yashiro's own lack of agency and of his victimhood. A reminder of how he's never been allowed to choose or be anything for himself.

So the reason Yashiro throws himself into abusive sexual encounters with men, and the reason he convinced himself for so long that that was what he wanted, is because if he could believe that, then it would fly directly in the face of what his stepfather claimed, and prove his stepfather wrong. Yashiro could claim unequivocally to be a man because he liked to be treated roughly and cruelly by other men. It was a way for Yashiro to release himself from his stepfathers hold over him, and, again, a way to deny his victimhood.

What I think Yashiro really wants is to be treated kindly. I think he's turned on by kind treatment. But that doesn't necessarily involve actual sex, as in, sexual intercourse. He wants to be held and touched with soft and gentle hands. He wants to be kissed passionately. He wants to lay his head in Doumeki's lap and feel Doumeki run his hands through his hair. The sexual intercourse element of that still makes Yashiro feel unwell and induces a sense of panic in him. Maybe he can condition himself not to feel that way during sex. But maybe he can't. And if he can't, then the healthiest option for Yashiro would probably be not to have sex at all.

The question of Yashiro's sexuality in relation to his abuse maybe doesn't matter so much, then. Yashiro might very well be asexual. And maybe the abuse Yashiro suffered made him that way, and maybe it didn't. But I think, more than anything, Yashiro just wants somebody who's kind to him, somebody who treats him like an actual human being, and the only person who's ever treated him that way is Doumeki, and Doumeki just happens to be a man.

[shipofthesis]

Curiosity got the better of me and I watched James Somerton's Revolutionary Girl Utena analysis video. I ended up transcribing some of it to better follow some of what's said, so putting some of those snippets here. Placing these specifically because it paints a real bleak picture of how this man views abuse survivors. (For a more thorough debunking/clarifying commentary on the vid, this post's pretty good!)

14:16 Looking at real-world parallels, a given individual can endure much less debilitating physical and psychological trauma and be ruled as unfit by the state to make their own decisions. There are a number of other hints and instances in the plot, that strongly indicate that Anthy's willpower is so eroded that she has no sense of self-preservation whatsoever and is emotionally stunted to the point where she needs people to make decisions for her because she does not know how to think for herself. Something that Utena has been trying to get her to realize about herself this whole time.

Citing conservatorships as a supporting argument is wild. Ah yes, in real life mentally ill/disabled people can lose their rights!

39:30 People generally feel good when they are reassured of their Self existing in the world. When you are told that your self is to be a victim over time, your brain can cross those wires. Suddenly victimhood feels good, because you get that positive reassurance dopamine hit.

Very strange way to frame this. Wires cross, dopamine hits... how about actually talking about psychology and coping mechanisms?

51:42 That yes [Utena] somehow did manage to use the power of revolution and she used it in an impossible, selfless way. She liberated her best friend from a toxic power dynamic she had with her family. And for those who know, getting someone to abandon a toxic family environment, even if it is emotionally and psychologically damaging, is next to impossible. Many people who try to separate a friend from a toxic family end up having to abandon their friendship to protect their own mental health. Through a not-so-allegorical reading, we can say Utena did the same. That ultimately in spite of her bravado and nobility, she had to throw in the towel.

This is at the end of the video and is presumably a personal anecdote/observation by Mr. Somerton. When I got to this part his reductive view of Anthy made a lot more sense, it almost feels like he's trying to absolve himself.