#he does grow fond of her yes but hes never going to engage with her the way vermeil does.

[badscientist]

clive enjoys the following: harassing vermeil especially if it entails inflicting pain, books, smoking & other addictive substances, food and very intense stimuli, whether that be physical pleasures or pain.

[worldseer]

An intro to Muriel:

Questions taken from this post. And this is to better engage people to ask about Muriel and my fic (which I am still writing).

The basics: Muriel is a half-elf warlock with an urchin background.

-Is your Tav Baldurian? If yes, did they grow up in Baldur’s Gate? If no, where are they from?

No. Muriel was born and raised in a town outside of Baldur's Gate. They don't remember the name of it. However, many inhabitants of the town are retired adventurers or working simple lives. It's well known for farming and animal goods.

-Does your Tav have any siblings? Are they close?

Muriel is an only child.

-Who was your Tav raised by?

Their parents initially. Then their patron somewhat took charge in teaching Muriel about the world. He wasn't that good at it.

-Is your Tav close with whoever raised them?

Muriel is close to their patron. Their parents? Not so much.

-Is your Tav religious? Were they raised that way?

Not explicitly religious, however due to obvious reasons, Muriel believes in the existence of gods, devils, and other greater powers. However, Muriel is not set on a particular path or belief system based in religion.

-When did your Tav learn their abilities/skills?

Much of time spent learning skills like sleight of hand, stealth, and such was during their time as an urchin on the streets. Stealth was the easiest to pick up. Muriel didn't properly learn social skills til much, much later.

-Did your Tav travel a lot pre-tadpole?

Yes, Muriel did travel a lot pre-tadpole. Often, they smuggled themselves into carriages of goods, or into the hulls of boats. They moved from town to town to outrun rumors.

-Does your Tav have any pets?

Not formally. But Muriel typically has an easy time getting along with animals, viewing them in similar vein to people and never one to push contact.

-What did they do for work/to get by?

Stealing. When you're an urchin with little formal education, you did what you could. Muriel made a statement in only stealing from vendors and merchants who could afford a loss. Or if they were an ass. They did have a minor job once as "pest control" for a tavern, but they were skimped out on payment, so Muriel never felt compelled to look for another job again.

-Was your Tav in a relationship? How did it end?

Muriel (pre-tadpole and events of BG3) had never experienced or been in a relationship. Mega virgin. It wasn't like Muriel didn't desire such a relationship, but with a reputation as a half-elf, an urchin, AND a warlock with a fiend patron- it didn't exactly attract many.

-Did your Tav know or know of any of the other characters?

Muriel swears they've seen Astarion before, but doesn't think much of it. They've seen many faces in the course of their life. But the hair, the eyes- it reminds them of a figure they saw luring a drunken tavern patron into an alleyway. Muriel also heard about some sort of drama with a Duke's son, but they were never fond of gossip.

-Is your Tav a guild member?

No. Unless there was a random guild meant for urchins. Then possibly.

-Was your Tav well known by others or did they stick to the shadows?

Take a wild guess (stuck to the shadows).

-Does your Tav have any childhood friends?

Muriel vaguely remembers faces, kind and young faces that laughed and pretended to be knights, kings, and fearsome beasts. But Muriel can't get the details right, and certainly doesn't remember names.

-Do they have any sentimental items?

A small handmade plush of a wolf. When Muriel was young, Muriel had grown obsessed with the animal (ironic since her family raised sheep). And so, they were gifted the plush for their birthday. They still have it. It's well loved, stitched together, and has a patch now to ensure it remains intact. Muriel doesn't go anywhere without the plush, it means the world to them.

-What’s your Tav’s favorite childhood memory?

One of the family sheep gave birth, and when Muriel was allowed, they helped their father in feeding and looking after the lamb. The lamb grew immensely attached to Muriel, growing up alongside them. Muriel fondly remembers napping with the lamb and it's mother in the barn, small body pressed against warm, soft wool.

-What’s your Tav’s worst childhood memory? (CW: cannibalism)

One terrible winter, a famine had set in to the city Muriel was staying in at the time. There was no produce to steal, and no shop would certainly let Muriel in. Eventually, in an alley, Muriel found a corpse. It took coaxing from their patron to even eat.

-What did they want to be when they were younger?

Comforted.

-Any memories that stick out to you/your Tav about their life pre-tadpole?

Muriel remembers every time someone slighted them. But they remember everyone who was kind to them even more so.

-Did they know any nobility?

Not unless you counted the elite that would scoff and spit at them in the streets.

-What kind of education did your Tav have?

Little to no formal education. By all means of logic, Muriel should not know much Elvish but apparently their mother was thorough in teaching them a majority of it. The rest was self taught, or learned operantly.

-Does your Tav have any children?

Depends on the romance route I have in mind lol.

-Share any hcs/anything you want to say about your Tav’s backstory

Y'all ain't ready to read all of it. . .

[honorhearted]

Benjamin laughed. "Right. The women were falling at my feet with my stuttery, earth-shattering 'hellos.' If they'd waited around long enough, I could've seduced them with my just as smoldering 'goodbyes.'"

Penelope's lips formed into a pout. “I'm not trying to kill you, no. That would make for an awfully sad wedding, don't you think?”

With her hands interlocked behind his neck, Benjamin turned his head and pressed a kiss to her inner wrist, chuckling against her skin. "I only have one heart, and it's about ready to give out, Pen. All these ideas of yours are putting me into quite the state..."

She beamed up at him, appearing quite pleased with herself. "I dare say it might not be terribly long before we have our own bundle of joy. Especially if you keep looking at me like that."

Benjamin's heart fluttered and he flushed with pleasure at such a thought, grinning boyishly as her finger tapped against his nose. "Then my diabolical plan is working," he teased. "Naturally, I wish to enjoy marriage to you for as long as I'm able, but I can't deny I've been wanting to be a father for a very, very long time..." Trailing off, his eyes became wet and he lowered to kiss her hand, masking his eyes. "Some nights, I wondered if I'd ever even get to be one, seeing how I could've easily been snuffed out in battle. I thank God with my every breath that he granted me life -- that he gave me you --and all the promise that lies ahead."

Despite the emotion presently gripping him by the throat, Benjamin attempted levity as her hands held his face, and with a bashful smirk, his shoulders lifted at Penelope's observation. "I'm not a bad influence, per se -- I just know how to work around certain bumps in the road, which...yes...I suppose does make me a bit of a bad influence."

The idea of Gregory being disappointed in an early dismissal made Benjamin hum in amusement, rolling his eyes. "Alas, a young boy's education will almost never outshine his fondness for the outdoors, so I'm afraid you're right. He might even throw a party, should he grow tired of all my arithmetic and Virgil set up for this week."

Penelope's eyes grew wide with faux innocence as she laid out her plans, and feigning equal innocence, Benjamin agreed, "And surely, it wouldn't be untoward, if I, as a gentleman, decided to be said escort. We're technically not supposed to be alone now that we're engaged, but it isn't as though I intend to maul you in the streets." He leaned in close with a self-satisfied smirk. "Not yet, anyway."

That was when Penelope finally chose to sit up. She was flushed and bare within the firelight, and trying to keep his gaze in respectful places, Benjamin unsteadily straightened alongside her. Her following words, however, were nearly enough to upend him.

"Miss Featherington," he said, choking back stunned laughter. He had no idea her mind could've possibly conjured copulation on top of desks or tables, or even his poor, unsuspecting front door.

“And that's not even mentioning my bedchamber at home," Penelope reminded him. "So, so many places... we very well might need an eternity to cover them all.”

Mouth opening and closing, Benjamin tried his best to formulate a proper response as a burst of stark, untamed heat pooled low in his stomach. "Ah...although that is wholly unwise to sneak into your bedchambers, we might have to spare my poor furniture all the pending abuse," he agreed. "If you could believe it, the first time is always the worst...so if that was as bad as it's going to get, you may have to cuff my hands so that I'll keep them to myself."

“Hm, maybe you're right. I fear wouldn’t have had the courage to even speak to you if that were the case. Though, I barely had the courage to do so now. Nevertheless, I stand by my claims that your seduction skills are utterly unmatched.”

You are trying to kill me, aren't you? Pen shook her head, a deviously playful smile gracing her features. “I'm not trying to kill you, no. That would make for an awfully sad wedding, don't you think?” Murder wasn't on her list of to-dos as much as perfecting her own skills in seduction, a skillset she hoped to master in time.

“Yes, I certainly understand why such a thing is discouraged now. How dreadfully ignorant I have been.” Beaming, she nods, accepting defeat with a smile. "I dare say it might not be terribly long before we have our own bundle of joy," Raising her hand, she gently tapped his nose with her finger. "Especially if you keep looking at me like that."

In truth, it depends: do you want to be untoward?

“My word, who’s the bad influence now? Tsk, tsk.” She playfully scrunched her nose, the apples of cheeks glowing red. Her mind and body were utterly torn between staying proper until the wedding and simply acting on any desires as they arose. She wouldn't chase the feeling, she decided. She would try her best not to provoke any feelings of passion, but she had no intention to squash them if they appeared naturally. Even so, a part of her was filled with girlish joy at the idea of returning to the library together, hand in hand, as man and wife. Just a simple outing together, enjoying one another's company without a care in the world. A petty sliver of her even hoped to run into Bartholomew and Weathersby, so that she might turn up her nose at them, to snub them for all their ill-intended jests at the pair's expense.

“What time does your lesson finish? I'm sure Gregory would have no qualms with cutting the session short. Even if he has a wonderful teacher." She hummed as she thought. Her mother would most likely be spending the day planning various parts of the upcoming wedding, parts that Pen herself couldn't have imagined being important. The color of the garlands on the balcony or the type of floral arrangement by the terrace doors hardly seemed important enough to plan, let alone mull over incessantly. But her Mama was enjoying herself and Pen couldn't bear to take it from her. After all, she didn't care how big or fanciful the wedding was, as long as she was lawfully wed to Ben at the end of it.

Depending on how invested Portia and Varley were in preparations, Penelope could very easily slip away unnoticed before dinnertime rolled around. "I could, mayhaps, find some time in my awfully busy schedule to take a little stroll around the block at that time. Surely, it isn’t untoward if we just happen to cross paths, by mere coincidence. And it certainly couldn't be untoward if I needed an escort home after said stroll.”

As she mused aloud, Pen shifted to sit upright. She could very well allow herself to lounge in his arms for the rest of eternity, but time would continue to move with or without them. If she waited too long, it would be increasingly harder to sneak back into her bedroom unnoticed, even with Rae and John's help. Peeling herself away from Ben was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do and it was visible by how long her palms and then her fingers lingered on his skin, desperate not to break contact entirely.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing." She continued, tittering at his words. "What a pleasant disappearance from society it would be..." Pen let out a dramatic, dream sigh before slipping back into her teasing tone. "Though, to be fair, there are quite a number of surfaces we haven’t graced with our love yet. The bed, for instance. Or the table... Or the desk... Or…” She grinned and turned to scan the room, ultimately deciding on a careless gesture towards the door. “Over there. Or there. And that's not even mentioning my bedchamber at home. So, so many places... we very well might need an eternity to cover them all.”

[jaedreaminn]

Cupcakes

Summary

You were just on your way to deliver cupcakes to the Royal Family, you didn't plan on getting engaged to their youngest son.

Not like you were complaining though.

Parings: Jaemin x fem!reader

Theme: Royalty Au, fluff, humour, angst (but if you blink you miss it)

Characters: Jaemin, Jeno, Mark, Chenle, Jisung, Haechan, Yuta, Taeyong, OC «mentioned» Hendery.

Word Count: 4.5k

You happily skipped down the muddy road as you made your way to the palace.

It’s been a while since you’ve gone to there, considering how you frequented there as a child.

Now however, you were on your way to deliver a last minute batch of cupcakes the palace had ordered for- well some event that was none of your business.

Normally, palaces had their own chefs who were very skilled so it wasn’t a common occurrence that the small bakery in the lower part of town got a palace order. But the Royal Family had come to love the cupcakes your brother made after trying it once and well the rest was history.

“I’m here to deliver 50 cupcakes for the Royal Family” You grinned and the guard eyed your worn out frock and scuffled sandals with a frown.

“The Royal Highnesses have their own pastry chef” He sneered and you frowned, hand reaching to your satchel to pull out the scroll with the Royal seal on it.

“Look, I’m not lying” you said showing the guard the scroll with the order but instead of apologising and letting you in he snatched the scroll and growled at you, “It’s illegal to impersonate the Royal Seal you know”

“But I-“

“Move along little girl I don’t have time for your foolishness” he said shoving the scroll back into your arms and shoving you away. Tears threatened to prickle the sides of your eyes but you didn’t let them fall but instead held your head up high like your brother had taught you too and stepped forward.

“I do not want to fail this simple task the Royal family gave me because of some imbecile guard, you either let me in or find someone who will” you said, trying your best to glare at the man in front of you.

“How dare you” he said grabbing hold of your arm as he raised his other hand, ready to hit you. You shut your eyes bracing yourself for the impact but a voice stopped the guard.

“What is the meaning of this?” A voice that you recognised all too well said venomously. You opened your eyes, eyes darting to where the sound came from only to be met with stern cold eyes.

“Y-your Highnesses” The guard immediately let go you your arm and bowed. You frowned rubbing your arm as you glared at the guard.

“This peasant was trying to impersonate the Royal Seal” he spoke and you scoffed.

“That couldn’t have been true, I remember personally writing and sending that scroll” The raven head spoke with narrowed eyes as you smirked.

“I-I I didn’t, I didn’t know your Highness” The guard stuttered and you had to try your best not to snicker.

“You are relieved from you duty..” the boy spoke eyeing the tall guard, “For good” he then added ignoring the pleading man who was being dragged away and making his way towards you.

“Princess” He bowed and you smiled bowing back.

“Hello Nana” you grinned at the boy who gave you a small smile back.

“I still don’t understand why you insist on living as a baker girl, you’re worth more than cheap frocks and scuffed up boots” Jaemin said with a frown.

“I tell you this every time you ask me Jaemin, after my parents died I had to freedom to do whatever I wanted but I’d still remain royalty. I thought I might as well live like a commoner until it lasts and I get married off” you said with a small humourless laugh.

Jaemins eyes softened, as he took hold of your cart and started to walk past the gates into the palace.

“You know my parents would never just marry you off” he said and you smiled knowingly. You knew his parents wouldn’t but the council men didn’t seem to be fond of the idea.

“I know” you said in a whisper, smiling reassuringly at the boy.

“Especially to someone you don’t want to be with” he added and you smiled, a sad smile.

“I want to be with you but that’s never going to happen” you said bitterly remembering how badly the court took the news of a blossoming romance between you and Jaemin.

Jaemins family ruled the neighbouring kingdom that had captured your country but still let your family and parents rule it, but when they died so suddenly when you were just a little girl it was but obvious that the Na’s were taking charge of your nation.

The Na’s were very sweet and very nurturing and caring of you. You were still treated like Royalty but alas you weren’t their child and some people in the high court made an issue out if it.

And so when you asked them if you could go live with your first cousin the baker (whom you considered your brother because before he left the palace the two of you basically grew up together) they didn’t object but they weren’t thrilled.

That however didn’t stop the romance blossoming between you and the Na’s youngest son. And his parents couldn’t have been more supportive but there was this stinky old man in the high court that always caused trouble and it was because of his convincingly evil words that you two couldn’t be together.

Well you couldn’t get married without it sparking trouble in the high court, that didn’t mean you two couldn’t be together while it lasted.

“Yes it’s going to happen! We’re going to be together” Jaemin said stopping abruptly and you frowned. You really didn’t like fake hope.

“Jaem..”

“Princess!” You heard a voice exclaim and both of you turned your heads in the direction of the voice. You smiled upon seeing who it was.

“Lord Lee” you smiled, a teasing glint in your eye and Jeno groaned.

“It’s annoying every time” he complained about the title, coming to stand next to you. He eyes travelled towards the carriage and immediately lit up.

“Are those..?” Jeno asked and you nodded with a smile, “Help yourself” you said and Jeno immediately darted towards the carriage ready to grab a cupcake when Jaemin swatted his hand with a pout.

“Get your own”

“It was you who said what’s mine is yours so now move” Jeno said shoving Jaemin aside and you chuckled.

“I knew I smelt cupcakes!” You heard another voice and grinned when you saw who it was.

“Sir Mark” you said with a grin and Mark blushed. “Not you too, it still sounds so foreign”

“How did this blushing mess of a boy even become a knight” Chenle said popping up from no where and you smiled at the boy, pointing at the cart. His eyes immediately lit up as he went to help himself to a cupcake.

“Taeyong hyung really out does himself” Jeno said moaning as he took a bite of the sweet treat.

“Yes and you boys forcing me to increase his already heavy workload does nothing to help him” Jaemin said glaring at the others while munching on a cupcake himself.

“Ahh Taeyong has a lot of help” you smiled and Chenle looks at you pointedly.

“Not me silly our neighbours” you say and you hear Jaemin huff.

“Jisung is an absolute darling but Donghyuck gosh I really don’t like him! Why couldn’t I have been your neighbour rather than that baboonic imbecile.” Jaemin complained and you chuckled.

“Oh c’mon he didn’t know you were Royalty!” You exclaimed, defending your favourite neighbour, who could agreeably be quite boisterous.

“He still shouldn’t treat someone the way he did me” Jaemin said with a petulant pout.

“Well you were dressed in commoners clothes, glaring at him for no reason while using such big words” you said, glaring at the boy in return.

“The young Prince’s jealousy knows no bounds” Chenle snickered, covering his mouth with his hand in a sorry attempt to hide it.

“You people just aren’t used to small town life” you argued and Mark nodded.

“It surely was an experience… Small town life and Lee Donghyuck” Mark said dreadfully and everyone laughed remembering the story Mark had told all of you about how Donghyuck had dragged him around town when Jaemin brought Mark along to distract the boy.

“But his brother is an absolute saint!” Jaemin exclaimed and you smiled, in those short, rare visits Jaemin made to town in disguise, he had come to grow very fond of Jisung and you couldn’t even blame him, the kid was very lovable.

“I don’t know from what you people tell me he sounds like he has poop hands” Chenle said with a shrug and you smiled, the young Lord wasn’t all that off.

“He does! That’s why Taeyong doesn’t let him anywhere near his kitchen, just send him to run some errands here and there” you say and Chenle smiles.

“Jeno that’s your fifth cupcake you’re going to get a bellyache” Mark says glaring at the boy who was quietly munching on cupcakes this whole time.

“Jeno hyung” Chenle said rolling his eyes, helping Mark drag Jeno away from the cupcake cart as they waved goodbye to you.

“These are the moments I live for” you said to Jaemin, as you smiled and waved goodbye. Jaemin stood there looking at you wave, smiling because you were.

“I know you like to live in the moment and not think about the future. But I promise you, you are in my future” Jaemin says, eyes shining with determination as he holds onto your hand giving it a squeeze. And for just this moment you let yourself harbour unrealistic hope.

But Na Jaemin has always proven to be a man of his word. “Where’s mother and Father?” He asks his brother Yuta once he steps inside the throne room.

“If I’d known I wouldn’t be sitting around waiting for them would I?” His older brother, the next King, chuckled.

Jaemin sighed with a nod, missing the way Yuta was grinning at him.

“I’m taking you met y/n again?” Yuta asked with a raised eyebrow and Jaemin solemnly nodded walking towards his brother.

“I want to be with her, but everyone seems to be against that idea” Jaemin sighed and Yuta smiled patting his brothers head.

“Old man Kim has always been a pain in our parents ass and he’s soon going to be a pain in mine. Be he can’t pass snide remarks and rile up to court if he is wrong.” Yuta said with a , hinting at something and Jaemin looked at him confused.

“I’m saying as a prince, and as the Royal Family’s second born you are made to memorize the most basic rules that glare at you in the face in that book but there are always more rules and… exceptions” Yuta said with a playful smirk and Jaemins eyes widened, smiling with mischief.

Of course! The Archives have all the rule and exceptions to the rules!

Jaemin bolted out of the room and rushed to the parlour. “Jeno! Jeno where are you? Jeno!” He yelled in search of his friend and partner in crime.

“He’s not hear young prince” Chenle said shutting his book and glaring at the noise maker. “He’s training”

“Whyyy” Jaemin whined dramatically falling onto the soft sofa and Chenle cocked a brow. “To protect you in the future?”

“Chenle! “Jaemin then sprang up clapping his hands and smiling at the boy with a very plotting grin. Hesitantly Chenle said “..Yes?”

“Come help me!” Jaemin pleaded and Chenle was about to refuse but found himself just letting Jaemin drag him to the archives, not having the heart to deny the Prince who requested his assistance with such bright and hopeful eyes, a contrast to his normal demeanour.

And that’s how both the boys found themselves in the Royal archives, sitting on one circular messy table with books and scrolls stacked or left open scattered around the table, reading through all the lesser known rules and exceptions.

“We’re never going to find anything” Jaemin groaned throwing his head back in frustration, flipping through his eight book.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that” Chenle said smiling, and handing the book he was reading to Jaemin. As Jaemins eyes darted over the page that was open an evil smirk started taking over his features.

“Will this work?” Chenle asked with hopeful eyes and Jaemin nodded and then started looking around the table for something.

“What are you looking for?” Chenle asked, eyeing the boy curiously.

“A scroll that I read earlier, about a study” Jaemin said making the messy table messier in his search for the scroll.

Chenle rolled his eyes, resting back onto the chair, drained from all the non-fantasy reading he had to do today. As he slumped back onto his chair, something on the floor caught his eyes.

“Jaemin” he said catching the older boys attention and pointing at the piece of paper on the floor.

Upon picking up the paper the young Prince’s eyes lit up, “You’ve been my saviour twice today!” Jaemin exclaimed happily with a low laugh as he glanced at the contents of the scroll.

“Anything that makes you happy” The younger boy whispered to himself as he watched the prince make notes.

On Monday morning Jaemin walked into the council meeting with a pride, head held up high.

“Council” He said bowing to everyone in the room as everyone bowed back.

“I wish to marry princess Y/n” Jaemin spoke confidentially.

“Young lad we have already told you this kingdom does not benefit from a union between you and the princess at all! In fact it will look bad marrying a prisoner” old man Kim said glaring at Jaemin who glared back.

“It’s your Highness to you council man Kim” Jaemin glared at the man who sat on his seat looking taken back while his parents and brother tried hard not to snicker. “And how dare you call the princess who is protected and cared for by the Royal Family a prisoner?” Jaemin said still glaring at the man who immediately looked frightened and only got more scared once he saw the glaring faces of the King and Queen.

“B-but she still isn’t beneficial to the kingdom your highness” Old man Kim stuttered.

“The law says the King is expected to marry someone of high status and power, who’s company brings the kingdom peace and good relationships.” Jaemin says reciting what he was taught and old man Kim seems to straighten up proud that he was right.

“However the law says expected, not obliged. If the King isn’t obliged nor am I. In fact ages ago King Cheoljong had and experiment conducted where he gave two commoners jobs in the high court to look after a small portion of land. One was allowed to do what he wanted to and marry whomever he wished to while the other was restricted by unreasonable laws and had to marry whoever the King thought was good for that small piece of land, a wealthy women if I must. The happier man with the happy stable marriage showed better fruits and the other man simply disappointed the King” Jaemin finished his little story with a smile sent to the council who was listening intently.

“Ever since then it was encouraged that the Royal Family’s happiness came before any bonds and treaties. But Council man Kim seems to be completely against my happiness for his own gain” Jaemin said glaring at the man and a few gasps were heard throughout the court.

“On what basis are you making such an accusation your highness? I only look out for you and the kingdom”

“Or is that what you want us to think? I hired private investigator Huang Guanheng and he seems to think differently” Jaemin smirks and Council man Kim straightens his posture, trying his best to look cool and composed.

“Is it or is it not true that you have a niece, Lady Jo Hwajin, daughter of Duke and Duchess Jo, whom you have promised a spot in this country among the Royals?” Jaemin asked and council man Kim was about to answer when he cut him off, “Remember lying to any member of the Royal Family is treason”,

Old man Kim seems to contemplate his answer before bowing his head in shame, “Yes your highness”

“And is it or is it not true that you were planning on forcing me to marry her” Jaemin asked with a raised eyebrow and council man Kim’s eyes widened.

“I-I would-“

“Be careful of what you say council man Kim” Jaemin said pulling out an envelope from his coat, holding it between his middle and pointer finger, “I haven’t come here making accusations unprepared”

“Yes your highness” old man Kim says bowing his head, avoiding eye contact. Jaemin smirked at that, he didn’t need to know the envelop was empty.

“Now a marriage like that doesn’t ensure peace or good relationship, but marrying y/n will just give our already trusting people more reason to trust and support our rule, she after all was their beloved King and Queens first born.” Jaemin said and his parents smiled at him.

“But your highness, my niece will ensure good relations with the Kingdom and Princess y/n hasn’t been talked about in ages. People might not even remember her” Old man Kim interrupted and Jaemin glared at him.

“You live comfortably in the high court Council Man Kim, I on the other hand have spent numerous days disguised as a commoner getting to know our people, are you suggesting you know more about them than I do?”

Old man Kim’s eyes widened comically as he stuttered out a response, “N-no you’re H-highness”

“Good” Jaemin said still glaring at the man and then turned to his parents.

“Since that matter is settled, Mother, Father and all council members, I wish to marry princess y/n” Jaemin says, eyes shinning with victory when his parents give him an approving nod when no one in the council objected.

“This order is ridiculously large” You grunt pushing the cart from behind.

“You can just sit this one out y/n” Taeyong says smiling at you with worry as you struggled with the cart. You nodded you head, grabbing onto the cart, eyes shining with determination as you were ready to march to the palace.

“Need help?” Haechan asked, with a smiling Jisung by his side.

“No it’s okay” you said and Taeyong frowned. “Yes we’d love the extra hands”

“Yay road trip!” Jisung exclaimed happily before you could protest.

“Yes!’ Haechan exclaimed, excitedly jumping towards you taking the cart from you hands as he started moving ahead before Taeyong could even tell him where you were going.

“Should we just let him realise he’s alone or should we stop and follow him?” Jisung asked in a whisper, leaning towards you and Taeyong and you chuckled while Taeyong glared at the youngest, chasing after and call Haechan.

“Huh I guess not” Jisung shrugged as the two of you followed the two men with the carts.

“Oh yes! I was told to expect you..just not so many of you” The guard at the door said, questioningly eyeing Jisung and Haechan when you reached the palace gates.

“About time!” Mark who was dressed casually said running towards you as you glared at the boy.

“Is he mad? I know for a fact that there isn’t any occasion in the palace why would he order so many cupcakes” you complained and Jisung and Haechan looked at you with wide eyes.

“Y/n we really love you and don’t want to see you beheaded so please don’t talk smack about the crown” Jisung whisper yelled and you and Mark chuckled.

“It’s her birth right to talk smack about the prince because if not y/n then who else” Jeno approached you, his eye smile on full display. And a quite Chenle followed him. It wasn’t like Chenle to be quite but you knew he was just eyeing the two new faces.

“Oh well y/n it was nice knowing you” Haechan said wiping a fake tear and Chenle smiled. You had a feeling they would get along just fine

“But there is a very special occasion” Chenle said with a sly smirk and you frowned. But before you could ask any questions the group had already started moving into the palace.

“Taeyong!” Yuta yelled approaching your small crowd after you made your way into the castle and Haechan and Jisung immediately bowed.

“Yuta it’s been forever” Taeyong said going to hug the other male.

“It really has” Yuta said smiling and then looked at Haechan and Jisung, “You may rise” he said with a chuckle as the two hesitantly rose.

“Any friend of y/n and Taeyong is a friend of mine so you can drop the formalities when we’re in private.” Yuta said and you cringed looking at the wide eyed confused boys, what if they caught onto who you were.

“Y/n! Love of my life! Princess!” You heard another voice yell and you sighed when you caught a glimpse of Haechans and Jisungs face, yeah they’re definitely cathcing on and you definitely had a lot of explaining to do.

“Jaemin?” Haechan yelled shocked and you honestly expected the prince to glare at the boy but he simply smiled back.

“How did you leave out the fact that Jaemin’s Royalty!” Jisung whisper yelled immediately bowing and dragging Haechan down with him. You sighed.

“Oh please you didn’t bow down to me back then when you jumped on my back and it’s definitely not needed now” Jaemin said rolling his eyes as he made his way to you pulling you into a hug.

“Y/n! How could you let me jump on Jae- The crowned princes back” Jisung yelled at you absolutely mortified.

“You yell at Y/n just fine without crying and worrying about how she’s a princess” Chenle adds in just to boggle up the younger more and it seems to work as Jisung pales.

“She’s a what!” Haechan exclaims as you glare at Chenle who laughed.

“Honestly Haechan your volume hasn’t changed a bit” Mark says rubbing his ears.

“Why don’t you tell the princess why we’re celebrating” Jeno said nudging Jaemin shoulder.

“Well I’m getting engaged!” Jaemin starts excitedly holding onto your hands and you feel you heart break, forcing on a smile. At least he seems to be happy about it so the person he’s getting engaged to must be really lovely.

“Well it isn’t confirmed because she’s yet to say yes to me” Jaemin said scratching his head and the action would honestly seem comical to you if not for the fact that you could hear your heart shatter.

“Actually I haven’t even asked her” He says and you put on a very forced smile. You were sure you looked constipated.

“I hope she says yes then” you said giving his hands a soft squeeze. “You think she will?” He askes and you nod slowly. Why would she say no to such an amazing, talented and beautiful young man.

“Oh I’ve got one more question for you” Jaemin said and you raised your eyebrows, smile almost turning into a cringe. Why was he doing this to you.

You were expecting him to ask you things like how to propose, or where to propose or maybe what type of ring should he buy.

You weren’t expecting him to get down on one knee, smiling at you, “Marry me y/n” he says holding a ring in his hands, you didn’t see him pull it out from his pocket or see anyone pass the ring to him. You didn’t even see the box anywhere.

You stood there shocked for a few seconds not answering him and his grin faltered ever so slightly.

“Y/n this is the part where you answer him” Taeyong said snapping you of your state of shock as you nodded and broke into a smile as Jaemin slid the ring onto your finger, laughing away the happy tears that made its way to his eyes.

“What- but how? The council? And you parents?” You struggled with words as Jaemin pulled you against his chest and laughed a hearty laugh.

“All taken care of he whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your head in his shoulder squeezing him in your arms.

“Ohhh I’m going to miss you” Taeyong said watching the two of you with a small smile.

“You’re telling me, our former crowned princess has been living next door this entire while and her peculiar friend that we bullied was the current crowned prince, and that now the prince and princess are going to get married and I just witnessed their engagement” Jisung said as he continued to freak out.

“Don’t forget the part where you completely forget to greet two of the most important Lords in the Kingdom and a very prestigious knight” Chenle adds and you were afraid Jisung might combust on the spot.

“Eh y/n loves us so we’ll live don’t listen to the rude boy with power” Haechan said patting Jisungs back in hopes of comfort the younger but ends up hitting the boy just a little too hard.

“Chenle’s going to have one heck of a time with Jisung around.” Jeno chuckled and Mark nodded.

“That means peace for me” Mark says but pales when Donghyuck chimes in, “I wouldn’t be to sure about that”

“Wait if Mark is a knight, Jaemin a prince and Y/n a princess what does that make you hyung?” Jisung, who had calmed down asked Taeyong.

“A baker” Taeyong replied grinning and Yuta scoffed.

“He’s Duke Lee, last heir of the Royal Lee’s of the north” Yuta said and Donghyucks jaw dropped open.

“Who?” Jisung asked and Mark chuckled.

“He’s Y/n first cousin and the only child of Princess Lee, our former kings second born.” Haechan said, still in awe.

“How have we not yet been beheaded” Jisung says palling for the nth time that day, how the boy was still conscious was a mystery.

“Give him some time to adjust and he’ll be just as bratty as before” Donghyuck chuckled, patting the boys back.

“Let him spend the day with Chenle and he’ll be fine” you said with a smile, arms still wrapped around Jaemins waist, head against his chest.

You could feel the low rumble in his chest as he chuckled when Chenle smiled his infamous spawn of Satan smile and when Jisung looked even more terrified, forgetting that he has a brother that could rival that smile.

Mark on the other hand seemed to pale at the view of said smile by said brother and Jeno laughed, ready to encourage whatever Donghyuck was plotting.

Yuta was celebrating with Taeyong at the side after the older had secretly agreed to coming back to the palace, on the condition that he has full control over the kitchen.

And you smiled, in your princes, well fiancé’s warm arms, knowing that everything was right with the world.

Happy Jaemin Day💖

Hope you enjoyed reading this~

Now I don't know if I got the labels or hierarchy correct with all the Royal labeling but hopefully I've come close?

But it doesn't matter cus this is in an alternative universe where whatever the author says happens and where the author is never wrong :D

I didn't want to include some big ass speech for the proposal because clearly they've talked about wanting to get married before and it would just be meaningless to have an entire speech.

Idk why I didn't include Renjun considering the rest of dream is there, I just didn't know how to write him in ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway it would be greatly appreciated if you told me what you think of this fic

Jae out✌️

[bumblingbabooshka]

Utterly enamored with the concept of Tuvok and Samantha Wildman being parent-friends. Samantha Wildman is like my favorite minor trek character, love envisioning her and Tuvok one of my fave major trek characters engaging in social activities together, some would even say...."hanging out," (Samantha would say that). Mourning their spouses back home, cutting apple slices.... also enchanted by the phrase: It's just Samantha Wildman and her extremely fast-growing rubber dino child against the world

yeeeessss....I'd like to write a fic about it one day. Picturing Tuvok, Samantha and Neelix in the mess hall after hours and its dimly lit - dark except for the very low, distant light of the kitchen itself and the space beyond the viewscreen. The twinkling lights. And they're talking softly about their families, about home and what they love(d) about it. And there's the hum of a replicator, soothing and steady. And Samantha apologizes (teary-eyed) and Neelix asks why, what's wrong? and she says she feels silly feeling so sad about something she never had. She only had one person, really. She didn't...lose a...family, really. Neelix says that every loss is a loss, every person weighs heavy on the mind. Even two people can be a family. Tuvok says nothing, he doesn't see the need. Neelix says he wants to hear more about her husband - that he's sure Naomi wants to hear about him too! (Naomi is only a baby, she blinks at him). They start talking about specific people, Neelix and Samantha now - Tuvok does not feel the need, it's too personal. Naomi begins to fuss and Samantha sighs. "She always does this when she gets tired, she never goes to sleep." She says with an exhausted fondness. She and Neelix attempt to soothe her, then Tuvok reaches out and quietly offers to hold her. Samantha lets him and he stands, walking slowly up and down the length of the mess hall and singing softly in Vulcan. It sounds like a lullaby but it doesn't repeat and it's long, verses upon verses. And even when Naomi sleeps Tuvok doesn't let go of her, sitting down and watching the rise and fall of her little chest. And Neelix goes "pst! Tuvok!" and he looks, seeing that Samantha has fallen asleep in her chair. Neelix asks if Tuvok will be alright by himself (they decide against waking Samantha as she came to the mess hall due to her being unable to sleep) and Tuvok says yes, get some sleep Mr.Neelix. So Neelix goes and Tuvok stays awake the entire night watching Naomi and Samantha. Whenever Naomi wakes up he takes care of her, soothing her back to sleep without waking her mother. Samantha is embarrassed the next morning but Tuvok says to think nothing of it. I like the thought of them growing closer as time goes on and Tuvok finally feeling comfortable talking about his family with her. In my mind, talking about those close to you is considered an intimate thing...personal information is one thing but personal information about ANOTHER person who you CARE for is very guarded.

[serpentine-illusion]

I was asked to elaborate so I shall elaborate. (This like, applies to the at this point multiverse of delusional plot lines me and @plague-brat have going on which involve their OC Johanna [you've heard of her she's our famous redhead] but also my little plotlines around copia, Cirrus, aether etc. AND I will elaborate further regarding those three and this situation whenever I make my part 2 of that one delusional post I have made about them and yes I WILL REPEAT Myself probably)

ANYWAY ( please mind this is DEPRESSING AF)

-how tf did we get here? Oh the clergy is very very sick of their plans getting cut short.

-primo is probably the only one who actually was kind of into the whole cult thing or whatever but as we all know primo is clinically insane and very hard to control in all aspects

-secondo simply does not give a shit. If he doesn't want to do smth he will simply not do it. And he doesn't want to do a lot of things. Secondo lowkey cuts his own term short by just being purposefully horrible at being Papa, he cannot be fucked and it makes Sister and the rest of the clergy so so mad.

-terzo simply flew too close to the sun and got lost in the sauce. He develops such a big head at some point and gets way too caught up in the showmanship and attention he gets as Papa. He has an #attitude that especially Sister is not very fond of and is an absolute nightmare to deal with when he gets in a mood

-Copia is difficult!!! He's sort of easy to manipulate and lacks the arrogance and self importance of the others but is also bratty and takes direction horribly (50% unintentionally, 50% weaponized incompetence)

-Copia is also the world's most unfortunate nepo baby. He's the clergys only option and his relation to Sister and nihil put the expectations impossibly high. He's so obviously not cut out to have this much responsibility and absolute crumbles under the pressure almost immediately but he is too scared of disappointing that he would never admit it.

-and everyone is so mad and angry at him, although they knew this would absolutely happen. Sister especially is absolutely sick of it, she hyped copia up in her brain to an insane degree and she's not really up for another disappointment, ESPECIALLY not if it's her own son

-over the course of the Cardinal era everything grows out of control. Copia is under a lot of pressure, he's very emotional. He is a such an emotional and deeply insecure person and it's just totally bursting out of him at this point. He's a mess, he talks back, he cries, he regrets and he expresses how much he despises himself and this entire circus.

-Sister herself reaches a breaking point to where the vision doesn't line up with reality and she absolutely cannot take it. ( I feel like Sister has her own issues when it comes to self worth, I feel like she def feels like she has to overcorrect and prove herself to especially show to Nihil just how bad he fumbled, so HER son out of all of them being the one that completely crashes out under the pressure makes her crash out a little as well.)

-so the only logical solution to shut him up quickly is, you guessed it 🪄lobotomy🪄

-pair this with the facial surgery this is some sort of twisted overhaul, hopefully a factory reset, whoever copia was before this would hopefully be lost and be replaced with Papa IV

-(note: this initially did start because we got rly obsessed with how different his body language and demeanor is between Cardinal and Papa IV)

-and honestly in Sisters eyes it works? Copia is still going through it, probably even worse than before, but at least he's quiet about it, cause his brain is honestly so fucking foggy and all over the place he couldn't even try to find the words to express how he is feeling

-hes like, way less engaged, spaces out all the time, paperwork takes 3 times as long as it used to, Cirrus and Aether do a lot of it behind closed doors, because it takes copia ages, rereading the same passages over and over and over and just not being able to lock in on it at all

-his fuse is crazy short after this, his mood is unpredictable, moodswings left and right

-hes still so incredibly soft at his core but he feels his old self slipping away further and further every day. Just remembering things HE enjoys, his favourite colour, movies he likes, memories he made, it's all slowly fading into a pile of nothingness. So deeply buried and he never has the energy to go digging for anything.

Copia after he becomes papa

(Yes copia gets lobotomized before he becomes Papa, @plague-brat and me love angst )

[angelmavmurdock]

Our Little Secret: Part Eight - A.R.

LAST OF THE SERIES

Word count: Summary: 5 years later...

-

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF MURDER AND SEXUAL ASSAULT (basically everything Arvin and the preacher did in the movie is touched on).

-

5 years later

"Well, y/n, your application is outstanding. We'd love for you to work here." The headteacher spoke to me from across his desk.

"Really? Wow! Thank you so much!" I beamed.

"The new school term starts in August and the kids really need a well-taught, professional, young teacher who can help them grow as children. I think you're perfect for the job."

"Thank you so much, that means a lot. I can't wait to start."

Teaching. Teaching year 1. It was my dream to work with kids and now finally after 4 years of college I could do it.

I've been living in Cincinnati since I left high school 5 years ago. I needed to get out of that town as soon as I could. Everywhere I went it would remind me of Lenora...and Arvin.

I kept in touch with Emma, though. We still chatted at least a few times a month on the phone and she told me every time how much she missed Lenora and how much she missed Arvin. Though it was easier with Lenora because she knew what had happened to her - well, not fully - but she knew that she was gone. With Arvin, she didn't know why he was gone, what he was doing or had done and if he was still even alive. I didn't tell her about what Arvin told me on our last night. I promised him I wouldn't.

But every time I called her it was like I was being set back on my journey of grief and getting over him. I was with a lovely guy called William and we've been together since my last year of college. He didn't know about Lenora or Arvin or the Russell's.

But he did come with me to my father's funeral a few months ago.

Daddy had gotten worse and worse since being in New Coal Creek. We thought he was going to get better once we got him into hospital but it didn't make a difference. And when I moved to Cincinnati, I hardly ever saw him and Ma and I's row got in between Daddy and I's relationship.

So I went to his funeral feeling like the worst daughter on the planet. And I felt as if I was losing everyone I had ever truly loved.

Will was lovely and he worked in the same position Daddy used to work at. We had a house together and we lived there comfortably. It's much like how I grew up living. A big house with no one to fill it with. We didn't even have a dog or a cat because of his allergies. We were engaged to be married and he had bought me a very expensive and big diamond ring which was nice but I had no interest in.

Of course, I accepted. But as soon as he asked me the million dollar question, the first person that popped into my head was Arvin. And then Lenora. And then Daddy.

Wedding planning was very stressful when you don't have many friends or family around to help.

And after my meeting with the headteacher I was heading into town to find my wedding dress.

I was dreading it.

Ma was coming down to help and we'd meet at the place.

I thanked the headteacher and walked out excitedly, ready to start my teaching career. I got in my car and I drove into town. The closer I got, the worse I felt. I didn't want to get a wedding dress and I didn't want to get it with Ma either.

I parked outside of the dress shop and reluctantly got out. The shop was extravagant and elegant. I dreaded going inside. But my feet took me in as my brain lusted for home.

"y/n!" Ma exclaimed, shuffling up to me, already carrying dresses in her arms.

"Ma, hi." She nearly winded me as she embraced me.

I lightly put my hands around her but she tore away quickly.

"This place is just wonderful! I've already found a few you'd look great in!"

"Ma, I'd love if I was the one who would get to pick out my own weddin' dress." I raised a brow.

She sighed, "Fine. Yes, of course. Go into the changin' rooms and I'll follow."

I rolled my eyes and walked to one of the rooms where a consultant with a pearly white smile greeted me.

"Miss y/l/n, lovely to meet you. I'm Angela and I'll be helpin' you today! Are these the dresses you'd like to try?" She chirped, referring to the dresses in my mothers arms.

I sighed, "Yes."

"Great! Come on in."

-

I stood on the podium in front of the wall-length mirror with the fourth wedding dress on. It was a column dress that fell straight down with only a slight cinch at the waist. It had long sleeves and a high neck and lace covered the bodice. It was not my style.

"You look beautiful!" Ma complimented.

"I don't like it, Ma." I shook my head, twisting and turning to look at it.

"It's your fourth dress and you haven't liked any of them."

"They're just...not my style." I sighed.

Ma rolled her eyes and stood next to me, "It's not about your style. It's about looking gorgeous on your wedding day."

I furrowed my brows, "It's my wedding dress and it's my wedding. I want to love my dress."

"Well you are not the one paying for it." She brushed over my hips.

I felt rage bubble inside of me.

"Fine. We'll take this one then." I stated with a scoff and returned to the changing room in a huff.

-

"Okay, your fitting will be next month and that's when you'll get your dress home, alright?"

"Thank you." I smiled weakly at the consultant.

"You're welcome. Have a nice day!"

We waved goodbye and began walking out the shop. I placed my white gloves on and adjusted the white hat ornamented with a flower on my curled hair. I smoothed out my white and pale blue polka-dotted dress and adjusted the sky blue belt around my waist. Ma opened the door for me and I thanked her before leaving and hearing the click of my heels on the ground.

"y/n, I won't keep you long, but...you're a woman now. You're 23, you're getting married, you live away from home, you're getting a job. You're a woman. But just because you are older, does not mean I stop being your mother. I will always be your mother whether you like it or not and you have to treat me as such." Ma said, folding her arms over her red, floral tea dress.

I took a deep breath and looked at her.

"You took away my freedom when I was a teenager and because of that, I lost time with - not only Lenora - but Arvin, too. I don't know where he is now. No one does."

Just as I was about to talk about our last night I remembered she still didn't know I snuck out.

"I lost my best friend and the love of my life in the space of weeks and you kept me locked away until there was no one left. I'll never forgive you for that." I said, my head held high.

Ma took a few seconds to process the information and then nodded.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I had no idea. I love you, y/n. I will always love you, alright?" She held my shoulders.

I swallowed and nodded, not looking at her.

"Congratulations on your new job, honey. I'll see you soon." She leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek then turned and walked away.

I took a few deep breaths as I watched her, guilt and anger washing away gradually. Part of me didn't want to go home. I wanted to escape for a while. I didn't want to have to go back and sit alone in a huge house I didn't like and I didn't want to wait up for a phone call from Will. I wanted to be by myself. I needed to. I looked around and at my car before deciding I'd go into town for a while.

I left the car and stuffed the keys further into my handbag. I clicked down the pavement until I reached the main road of shops, leading to a lake and a park where families would walk and eat ice-cream.

It was summer, so the sun was out in full, the trees swaying in the warm breeze and the sound of a few buskers playing accompanied by the noise of town people roaming around filled the warm air.

I smiled and said good mornin' to people as I walked by, waving at a few kids and cooing at some babies. I'd never really spent much time in town. I was always working or at the house with Will. It felt good to be out and alone. I wandered around, looking in some shop windows and wishing for the dresses but deciding against it.

It wasn't until I passed a shop and briefly glanced in it that I actually stopped to look closely. I took a double take and stood in front of the window, looking up at the displayed mannequin. It was a white blouse paired with a white tennis skirt and blue ribbon tied around the neck. A fond grin grew on my face. It reminded me of high school. Though I never wore mine on my neck, I still wanted it. I never wore ribbons in my hair anymore.

I couldn't help myself but go in. I entered the seemingly quiet shop and found the nearest shop consultant.

"Hi! I love that ribbon you have on show, is it for sale?" I asked with a smile.

The woman looked almost confused, "It's a ribbon...it's for decoration?"

"Oh...well, I'd still love to buy it. Name a price." I smiled again.

She looked at me dumbfounded for a moment but then shook it off and walked to the mannequin. She untied the silk and walked back over with it, placing it into my hands.

"It's free." She smiled.

"Thank you so much. I love it." I grinned.

"Have a nice day, now."

"I will." I beamed, walking out the store.

I felt giddy with nostalgia and excitement as I pulled my hair back under my hat and tied it with the ribbon, giving it a delicate bow. I checked it in my compact mirror and smiled with joy. I felt closer to myself.

I continued walking down the road and then to the lake. I stood and leaned against the railing, watching the elegant swans float by, their white feathers contrasting beautifully against the dark blue of the water. I watched them for a while, probably for about 10 minutes before I felt a light tug on my dress.

I got a fright and looked down where a young girl was standing next to me. I immediately smiled with relief and stood back.

"Hello," I waved.

"You're very beautiful, ma'am." She complimented in a strong southern accent.

"Why thank you, Mrs." I grinned.

"Would you like some bread to feed the swans?" She offered, holding up a chunk of bread.

"I would love some. Thank you." I graciously accepted the bread, holding it in my gloved hands.

The girls' mother called her back. She looked up at me and waved.

"Bye!" She said, before running off to her mum.

I smiled and laughed a little before turning back to the swans. I broke a piece of bread off and threw it in the water. I threw some more pieces in and watched as they all swam to the food, fighting over who got what.

Once I was out of bread, I sighed, leaning against the railing by my forearms. I took in my surroundings. I looked to my left where children were playing with each other as parents stood or sat on benches, resting. A few elderly couples walked by, hand in hand, arm in arm, chatting about everything and nothing.

A girl on a pink bike caught my eye. She was gorgeous and sat atop the seat with joy and pride as she rode by. My eyes followed her as she rode behind me and kept going.

But my eyes shifted focus when she rode by someone.

Someone who looked eerily familiar.

He had brown, woven, checkered trousers on and a white dress shirt with sleeves that were rolled up to his elbows. Brown suspenders hung over his shoulders and a white vest peeked out from the unbuttoned shirt.

But the dark eyes with the brown, slicked back hair and the cigarette in his mouth gave him away.

He was already looking at me, however. Like he had been for hours. I turned slightly, feeling my heart beat rise as he threw his cigarette on the ground.

It can't be him. It's just a lookalike. It's because I've been thinking about him today. It's not him. He's not here.

He walked closer to me but stopped about 2 metres away, hands in pockets with his chest rising and falling as rapidly as mine.

I could feel my chest heave against my dress as I stared at him, trying to decipher if that was truly him or if I was just dreaming.

"y/n?" He finally said, unsure of whether I was who he thought I was.

"A-Arvin?" I whispered.

A smile began to grow on his face and I knew it was him. It was him. Arvin.

I dropped my handbag and ran towards him, throwing my arms around his neck a our bodies collided, nearly setting us back.

His arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me up, making my legs pop up. He still smelled the same and he still felt the same. He felt like home.

"I can't believe you're here." I whispered, feeling a tear fall down my face.

He placed me back on my feet and I looked at him, cupping his face with my hands. He held them, stroking my thumbs with a smile.

"Why are you here?" He asked softly.

"I-I live here. I have since...since high school." I gulped.

He raised his brows, "I've been here for four years, y/n."

My mouth dropped open, "What?!"

He grinned, his hands squeezing mine, "We've both been livin' here for four years but not ran into each other."

I stuttered, "Wh-what? How is that- oh my gosh." I laughed, bringing my hands away from his face.

"I can't believe you're here, Arvin." I gulped, my chin quivering slightly.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again." I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from crying in public.

"Hey, shh." He brought me into him, cradling my head against his chest.

"We're here. I'm here." He said softly.

-

We decided to walk around the park to catch up which seemed both amazing but alien at the same time. We were still us but we had changed so much.

"Still wearin' ribbons I see." He grinned.

I laughed, "Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not. I always loved them." He smiled.

I blushed and looked to the ground.

"So, why Cincinnati?" Arvin asked.

I sighed, "I couldn't live there anymore after school." I gulped.

"It was just too hard. And I got accepted into college here so I decided to move."

"You'll be finished school now, right?" Arvin queried.

"Yeah. I just finished and I actually just got a job today, so." I smiled.

"That's amazin'. I'm happy for you." He grinned.

"Thank you..."

We walked in silence for a little longer than I would have hoped. But he broke it again.

"Why're you in town today, then? Considering I spend every day here and I've never seen you leads me to believe you don't come here often." He chuckled.

I nodded, "Yeah, I never get the chance too. But I was uh...I was actually in town for a dress fitting." I coughed, looking down at the floor.

"Goin' somewhere nice?" He asked.

I scoffed a laugh and looked up at him, "My wedding."

He stared at me in surprise, eyes wide and mouth open, soaking in the information.

"Y-you're engaged?" He croaked.

I nodded, removing my left glove to show the sturdy ring that sat on my finger.

"W-wow. I mean...he must be rich if you got a ring like that." He swallowed, looking down at his shoes.

"I mean...yeah, I guess." I shrugged awkwardly, putting the glove back on.

"How long have you been-"

"Uh, since last year. We met in college. He was doin' finance and Daddy actually put in a good word for him and he got his old job."

"He got your daddy's old job?" Arvin repeated.

"Yeah...yeah once uh...once he passed, they needed someone to fill his shoes so." I gulped.

Arvin stopped, "Your Dad passed? When?"

I chewed the inside of my lip, "Earlier this year."

"y/n, I am so, so sorry." He placed a hand on my arm.

"No, don't be silly. It's fine. He just never got well after he took a turn in Coal Creek." I said, beginning to walk again.

"I remember how sick he was..."

My chest fluttered. It was as if our past was an alternate universe. Like we never really lived it. It was just a different version of ourselves that did. Because now, we were here and it didn't feel the same. Not completely.

"So...should I ask how you ended up here?" I asked cautiously.

He tilted his head from side to side as if trying to figure an answer out himself.

"I don't think you'd like the details." He stated, reaching into his pocket for another cigarette.

"Did you..." I stopped, looking around us before lowering my voice.

"Did you do what you implied you would?" I asked, looking into his seemingly innocent eyes.

He inhaled some smoke and then exhaled, turning away for my sake.

"I did what I implied." He stated simply.

My stomach turned. I kept chewing my lip with nervousness, looking into his eyes. He didn't seem like a killer. He wasn't a bad person. I knew him. I knew who he was. And a murderer was not in his description.

I wanted to know about it. About him. I needed to know. So, impulsively - a word I hadn't used since our last night in Coal Creek - I invited him back with me.

"Would you come home with me? I live 15 minutes out of town and I'd really like to talk but I don't think a public park is appropriate." I said in a hushed tone.

He thought about it before nodding, "Sure."

-

The drive to my house was a little awkward. The radio played at a low hum while we sat in near silence, only the sound of the wind and other cars passing by filling the air.

"Used to be me drivin' you everywhere." Arvin commented with a chuckle.

I smiled, "Oh, how the tables have turned."

He laughed and so did I, then we resumed our mutual silence.

When we got to Will and I's estate, I drove through the gates of the house to the driveway where at the top, a large house sat - much like the one in Coal Creek.

"Our drivin' might've changed but this certainly hasn't." Arvin sighed, almost as if he was disappointed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked with a raised brow.

He shrugged, "Feels all too familiar, that's all." He said before getting out the car.

I screwed my face up at his comment but decided to let it slide. I got out of the car and locked it before following Arvin who seemed as if he knew the place, up the steps of the porch.

"Is your fiancé home?" He asked the ground, hands in pockets.

I shook my head, "He's out of town for a weekend with work."

I stuck the key into the lock of the wide, white front door and opened it. I walked inside then held it open for Arvin.

He walked in and looked around, taking in his new surroundings.

The hallway was wide and white, only paintings filling the wall space and a large staircase to the left winded up to the next floor.

"Wow...I mean, you've done well for yourself." Arvin scoffed a laugh.

"Thank you." I smiled weakly, taking my hat from my head.

He looked up at the high ceilings, appreciating the chandelier that hung above the doorway.

"Come on through. Do you want tea? Coffee?" I offered, walking down the hallway and into the open kitchen/living room area while taking my gloves off.

He walked in behind me, looking around the new room he was in before following me into the kitchen.

"How about a scotch?" He asked with a smirk.

I smiled, "That'd be appropriate, I think."

I got the crystal decanter and two glasses from the tray that sat atop the kitchen table. I poured us two glasses and then handed Arvin one. I brought the decanter with us as we migrated to the couch.

I slipped my heels off before sitting down, my dress puffing and fanning out over my lap. Arvin sat opposite me, his ankle resting on his knee comfortably.

"So..." I started.

"So." He repeated.

"I think I might have more questions about you than you do about me." I smiled weakly.

He nodded, "Probably right."

I took a deep breath before asking any questions.

"Who got Lenora pregnant?" I asked.

I thought that would be a good starting point. It was what started everything.

"Reverend Teagardin. The new preacher that came to town." Arvin answered.

My eyes widened, "What?!"

"He took Lenora - and other girls - into the woods," Arvin began to explain.

He stared at the crystal in his hands and the liquid floating inside of it. He didn't once look up at me.

"He'd make them pray before they got started and he'd take advantage of them."

"Didn't he have-"

"A wife? Yeah. But he was abusin' her at home, too." He gulped.

"Oh my god. That's horrible." I sighed, my stomach feeling uneasy.

He finally looked up at me and I could feel his curiosity burn into me.

"Do you...do you still talk to Grandma?" He asked, his voice slightly shaky.

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah. I talked to her last week."

A slight smile grew on his face with relief, "How is she?"

"She's okay. She always talks about you and Lenora. Mostly you now, though. I mean, I never told her a thing about our last night and she still doesn't know about Lenora's pregnancy. She knows just as much as when you left."

He licked his teeth and nodded, "Thanks for keepin' in touch."

"Of course. I said I would, didn't I?" I grinned.

He nodded with a smile.

"So how about you? Livin' here in this big house with a big-shot fiance. Must be nice." He quirked his brow, taking a sip of his drink.

He was trying to pry something out of me, I could feel it.

"It's good. He takes care of me and we're happy." I stated.

"It's not boring?"

"No." I lied.

He tilted his head, "I can tell when you're lyin', y/n."

I scoffed, "You haven't seen me in five years and you think you can just come back here and tell me you know me so well? Don't start with that bullshit, Arvin."

He furrowed his brows, "Are you mad at me? What did I do?"

I rolled my eyes, "You don't know me, Arvin. So don't act like you do."

I sat my glass down and swiftly stood up from the couch. He did the same.

"I might not have seen you in years but I think I know you better than anyone on this planet. Am I right?" He asked, watching as I paced up and down in front of him.

I scoffed and shook my head.

"You're tellin' me that this guy- this guy - knows you better than I do?" Arvin lifted a picture of Will and I up to demonstrate.

"Yes. He does."

"Bullshit." He spat.

"You don't get to say shit like that Arvin. You know why?" I challenged, standing close to him with my hands on my hips.

"Why?" He retorted.

"Because you left! You left to murder someone! You'd have rather been a killer livin' with guilt for the rest of your life than to be with me." I shouted.

I didn't notice how close we were until he laughed and I could feel his familiar breath on my face.

"I had to do it. That preacher was no good. And neither was that cops sister and her dirt-bag husband." He snapped.

I blinked at him in confusion.

"Wh-what do you mean the cops sister and her husband?" I asked in a soft tone.

He looked away from me and gulped.

I gasped and held my hands over my mouth, "Did- did you-"

He grabbed and held my hands, "They were gonna kill me, y/n. They would take hitchhikers and murder them to take pictures with their dead bodies. I wasn't about to be the next one."

I widened my eyes, "They did what?!"

"And then I got caught out by the cop...his sister was the wife. He followed me to Knockemstiff and tried to shoot me with a shot gun. I had to, y/n. He was gonna kill me I-"

I could see the tears and the panic in his eyes. I just reached my hands up and wrapped them around his shoulders, bringing him into my arms. His face went into my neck and I could feel tears drip onto my skin. I threaded my fingers through his hair.

"I'm a bad person, y/n. I killed four people..." He sniffed.

"Arvin, look at me." I tugged him from my neck and cupped his cheeks.

"You are not a bad person. You were just caught up in some twisted shit and you had no other way. You are a good person, Arvin." I said sincerely, feeling tears spring into my own eyes.

"I lost you because of it, though I just- I can't-" He cried.

"I know." I sniffled, feeling a tear drip down my face.

I looked at him; teary, eyes swollen and red, complexion pale. I didn't know what else to do.

"You're a good person, Arvin." I said again, leaning up on my tip-toes to kiss his cheek.

He hummed at my touch and I kissed his other cheek, "You did nothin' wrong."

I went back to his right cheek and kissed it again like I needed to feel his skin on my lips once more.

Just as I went to kiss his other cheek, he leaned forward and caught my lips with his instead.

I gasped, pulling away from his body and looking at him, touching my fingers over my lips.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. You're an engaged woman and I-"

I launched forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and crashing my lips to his. It took a second to make sure it was real. But as his hands slid effortlessly onto my waist, I knew.

"You're the love of my life, Arvin. You always have been and always will be." I whispered, pulling away briefly.

He stared into my eyes but didn't say a word. But I knew what he was thinking. He kissed me again, our lips moved over each other's with fervour and passion, the excitement and thrill of tasting each other again for the first time in years. In too long. He felt and tasted the same but more mature and wiser.

He pushed me back by my waist until my back hit the wall. I let out a moan of surprise and pleasure. He smirked against my lips before devouring me again. His tongue slipped easily into my mouth and I hummed, fully tasting him. My fingers ran through and tugged at his hair, and his hands ran up and down my sides and my back.

His touch felt nostalgic but euphoric and in the heat of the moment, everything was perfect.

"Your lips taste amazing," He said breathlessly between sloppy kisses.

"So do yours." I replied.

He wrapped his hands around my back and skilfully unzipped my dress. It fell to the floor in a pool around my ankles. I brought my hands to his shoulders as our kiss got heavier, teasing his suspenders before sliding them off his arms. I began unbuttoning his shirt in a hurried fashion as his lips started trailing down my jaw to my neck. I was finally able to push the fabric from his shoulders and then pulling his vest over his head.

And as his hands came down to my thighs to lift me up and around his torso, and as he carried me up and into my bedroom; I knew that he was it. He was the person I was destined to be with. He was the love of my life.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

5 years later

(Play ‘That Old Feeling’ by Doris Day now)

I placed the needle carefully onto the record and turned it up.

I walked through the house and got to the porch where I looked out and saw Arvin and Jack playing catch. I stood with a grin as my husband and 4 year old played enthusiastically - the old baseball still intact and very much in use.

I crouched down and placed the 2 year old who rested on my hip, onto the ground. She wobbled slightly but quickly got up and running. She made her way to the stairs which I quickly intervened and grabbed her hand to help her down onto the soil.

"Go get Daddy, Charlotte. Go!" I laughed, pointing to Arvin.

She squealed happily and ran towards her Dad, arms flailing clumsily as she sprinted. Arvin stopped the game of catch briefly as he saw his daughter coming towards him.

"Hey princess!" He grinned, crouching to his knees and grabbing his daughter.

He lifted her up and sat her on his knee, handing her the ball.

"Throw the ball to Jack, Charlotte!" Arvin prompted, pointing to the blonde haired boy who stood confidently.

She babbled a few words and then threw the ball onto the ground. At least she attempted. I whooped and clapped as I walked over.

"Good job, baby!" I praised in a baby voice.

Arvin stood up, letting Charlotte run around with her brother for a while, the dog joining them, enthusiastically bounding around them.

"Hey, handsome." I grinned as I reached Arvin.

"Hey, beautiful." He smiled.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me, tongue briefly slipping into my mouth. I hummed in surprise and pulled away.

"Careful, Arvin or you'll be makin' another one of those tonight." I giggled.

We stood side by side, an arm wrapped around each other's back as we watched Jack attempt to play catch with his sister.

"Why don't we make another one, then?" Arvin suggested.

I looked at him with raised brows, "If you want to push one out of your ass, then by all means let's do it."

He chuckled, "I'm serious, y/n."

I turned to face him and he wrapped his arms around my waist while I played with the bottom of his hair.

"Another baby girl or boy? With a dog?" I laughed.

"Yeah...I mean it's crazy but it's our crazy." He smirked.

"Hmm, depends how nice you treat me tonight." I bit my lip.

He held back a shit-eating grin, "Oh...you're so gettin' knocked up tonight."

I gasped, smacking his chest with a laugh.

"I love you." He smiled.

"I love you, too."

"Forever?" He quipped.

"And ever." I smiled.

And we meant it.

-

A/N: oh my god. that's the mini-series done! i loved writing for Arvin it was fun with the southern dialogue and the 60s time period! i hope you all enjoyed reading as much as i enjoyed writing. If you'd like to request any one shots, head over to my instagram @tomholland1510 to request!

ALSO!! bonus points to anyone who understands the easter eggs in the kids' names! do they seem familiar? ;)

-

{Tags: @notandordinaryprincess96 @imagine-yourself-happy​}

[causeiwanttoandican]

Harry, Meghan and me: my truth as a royal reporter

I've covered elections and extremism, but nothing compares to the vitriol I've received since I started writing about the Sussexes

By Camilla Tominey, Associate Editor27 March 2021 • 6:00am

It is probably worth mentioning from the outset that I never, ever, planned to become a royal reporter. I mean, who does? It’s one of those ridiculous jobs most people fall into completely by accident.

I certainly wasn’t coveting the position when I first found out how bonkers the beat could be after covering Charles and Camilla’s wedding in 2005. Desperate for ‘a line’ on what went on at the reception, journalists were reduced to flagging down passing cars in Windsor High Street and interrogating the likes of Stephen Fry about whether they’d had the salmon or the chicken.

Watergate, this wasn’t.

Yet when my former editor called me into his office shortly afterwards and offered me the royal job ‘because you’re called Camilla and you dress nicely’, who was I to refuse?

Having planned to get married myself that summer, and start a family soon afterwards, I looked to the likes of Jennie Bond and Penny Junor and figured it would be a good patch for a working mother as well as being one I could grow old with. Unlike show business, when celebrities are ‘in’ one minute and ‘out’ the next, the royals would stay the same, making it easier to build – and keep – contacts.

So if you’d told me that 16 years later, I would find myself at the centre of a media storm over a royal interview with Oprah Winfrey, I’d have probably laughed in your face. First of all, only royals like Fergie do interviews with Oprah. And since when did journalists become the story?

Yet as I have experienced since the arrival of Meghan Markle on the royal scene in 2016 – a move that roughly coincided with Twitter doubling its 140-character limitation to 280 – royal reporters like me now find themselves in the line of fire like never before.

We are used to the likes of Kate Adie coming under attack in the Middle East, but now it is the correspondents who write up events like Trooping the Colour and the Royal Windsor Horse Show having to take cover from the keyboard warriors supposedly defending the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s ‘truth’.

Accusations of racism have long been levelled against anyone who has dared to write less than undiluted praise of Harry and Meghan. But even I have been taken aback by the vitriol on social media in the wake of the couple’s televised two-hour talk-a-thon, in which they branded both the Royal family and the British press racist while complaining about their ‘almost unsurvivable’ multimillionaire lives at the hands of the evil monarchy. And all while the rest of the UK were losing their loved ones and livelihoods in a global pandemic.

Having covered Brexit, general elections and stories about Islamic extremism, I’ve grown used to being sprayed with viral vomit on a fairly regular basis, but when you’ve got complete strangers trolling your best friend’s Instagram feed by association? That’s Britney Spears levels of toxic.

Having a hind thicker than a rhino’s, it wasn’t the repeated references to my being ‘a total c—’ that particularly bothered me, nor even the suggestion that I should have my three children put up for adoption. At one point someone even said it would be a good idea for me to drink myself to death like my mother, about whose chronic alcoholism I have written extensively.

No, what really got me was the appalling spelling and grammar. I mean, if you’re going to hurl insults, at least have the decency to get my name right.

Yet in order to understand just how it has come to pass that so-called #SussexSquaders think nothing of branding all royal correspondents ‘white supremacists’ regardless of who they write for, or sending hate mail to our email addresses, offices – and in some cases, even our homes – it’s worth briefly going to back to when I first broke the story that Prince Harry was dating an American actor in the Sunday Express on 31 October 2016. Headlined: ‘Royal world exclusive: Harry’s secret romance with TV star’, the splash revealed how the popular prince was ‘secretly dating a stunning US actress, model and human rights campaigner’.

Despite my now apparently being on a par with the Ku Klux Klan for failing to acknowledge Meghan as the next messiah, it was actually not until the fifteenth paragraph of that original article that the ‘confident and intelligent’ Northwestern University graduate was described as ‘the daughter of an African-American mother and a father of Dutch and Irish descent’.

Call me superficial, but I was genuinely far more interested in the fact that Harry ‘I-come-with-baggage’ Wales was dating a former ‘briefcase girl’ from the US version of Deal or No Deal than the colour of her skin. A ginger prince punching well above his weight? This was the stuff of tabloid dreams. Little did I know then that covering the trials and tribulations of these two lovebirds would turn into such a nightmare.

The online hostility began bubbling up about eight days after that first story, when Harry’s then communications secretary Jason Knauf issued an ‘unprecedented’ statement accusing the media of ‘crossing a line’.

‘His girlfriend, Meghan Markle, has been subject to a wave of abuse and harassment’, it read, referencing a ‘smear on the front page of a national newspaper; the racial undertones of comment pieces; and the outright sexism and racism of social media trolls and web article comments’. Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, had apparently been besieged by photographers, while bribes had been offered to Meghan’s ex-boyfriend along with ‘the bombardment of nearly every friend, coworker, and loved one in her life’.

Suffice to say, I did feel a bit guilty. Although I hadn’t written anything remotely racist or sexist, I had started the ball rolling for headlines like the MailOnline’s ‘(Almost) straight outta Compton’ (referencing a song by hip-hop group NWA about gang violence and Meghan’s upbringing in the nearby LA district of Crenshaw), along with her ‘exotic’ DNA (which I subsequently called out, including on This Morning in the wake of ‘Megxit’ in January last year).

Omid Scobie, co-author of Finding Freedom, a highly favourable account of the Sussexes’ departure from the Royal family, written with their cooperation last summer, would later insist that the couple knew the story of their relationship was coming out and were well prepared for it.

I can tell you categorically that they weren’t, since I did not even put a call into Kensington Palace before we went to press for fear of it being leaked. (I did later discuss this with Harry, when I covered his trip to the Caribbean in November 2016, and to be fair he was pretty philosophical, agreeing it would have come out sooner or later. But that was before the former Army Captain decided to well and truly shoot the messenger, latterly telling journalists covering the newly-weds’ tax-payer-funded October 2018 tour of Australia and the south Pacific: ‘Thanks for coming, even though you weren’t invited.’)

The royal press pack is the group of dedicated writers who cover all the official engagements and tours on a rota system, in exchange for not bothering the royals as they go about their private business. It was a shame this ragtag bunch, of which I am an associate member, was never personally introduced to Meghan when the couple got engaged in November 2017.

I still have fond memories of a then Kate Middleton, upon her engagement to Prince William in November 2010, showing me her huge sapphire and diamond ring following a press conference at St James’s Palace with the words, ‘It was William’s mother’s so it is very special.’

I replied that she might want to consider buying ‘one of those expanding accordion style file holders’ to organise all her wedding paperwork. (Reader, I had given birth to my second child less than four months earlier and was still lactating.)

Not meeting Meghan did not stop royal commentators like me writing reams about her being ‘a breath of fresh air’ and telling practically every TV show I appeared on that she was the ‘best thing to have happened to the Royal Family in years’.

As the world followed the joyous news of the Windsors’ resident strip billiards star having finally found ‘the one’, the couple enjoyed overwhelmingly positive press culminating in their fairy-tale wedding in May 2018, which we headlined ‘So in love’ above a picture of the bride and groom kissing. I tweeted the wedding front page, along with the original story breaking the news of their relationship with the words, ‘Job done’. Yet, as Meghan would later point out in a glossy Santa Barbara garden, that was by far the end of the story.

According to the Duchess’s testimony before a global audience of millions, the seeds for their royal departure were actually sown by an article I wrote in November 2018 suggesting she made Kate cry during a bridesmaid’s dress fitting for Princess Charlotte.

Claiming the ‘reverse happened’, the former Suits star railed, ‘A few days before the wedding she was upset about something, pertaining to, yes, the issue was correct, about flower-girl dresses, and it made me cry, and it really hurt my feelings.’

She then went on to criticise the palace for failing to correct the story – suggesting that royal aides had hung her out to dry to protect the Duchess of Cambridge.

All of which left me in a bit of a sticky situation. As I told Phillip Schofield on This Morning the following day, ‘I don’t write things I don’t believe to be true and that haven’t been really well sourced.’

Having seemingly been completely bowled over by Meghan’s version of events, Schofe then went for the jugular: ‘I have to say, though, that’s all addressed in that interview, isn’t it, because she [Meghan] couldn’t understand why nobody stood up for her?’

Yet someone had stood up for her, on that very same This Morning sofa: me.

As I told Phil and Holly on 14 January 2019, as more reports of ‘Duchess Difficult’ started to emerge, ‘I think she [Meghan] is doing really well, she looks amazing, she speaks well. She has played a blinder.’

So you’ll forgive me if I can’t quite understand why Meghan didn’t feel the need to correct this supposedly glaring error once she had her own dedicated head of communications from March 2019 – or indeed when she ‘collaborated’ with Scobie, who concluded in his bestselling hagiography that ‘no one cried’?

Moreover, how did the Duchess know a postnatal Kate wasn’t ‘left in tears’? And if she doesn’t know, what hope has the average troll observing events through the prism of their own deep-rooted insecurities?

It appears the actual truth ceases to matter once sides have been taken in the unedifying Team Meghan versus Team Kate battle that has divided the internet.

Make no mistake, there are abject morons at both extremes spewing the sort of bile that, ironically, makes most of the media coverage of Harry and Meghan look like a 1970s edition of Jackie magazine.

It perhaps didn’t help my case that the day before the interview was aired in the US, I had written a lengthy piece carefully weighing up the evidence behind allegations of ‘outrageous bullying’ that had been levelled against Meghan during what proved to be a miserable 20 months in the Royal family for all concerned.

The messages – to my Twitter feed, my email, my website and official Facebook page – ranged from the threatening, to the typical tropes about media ‘scum’ and the downright bizarre. Some accused me of being in cahoots with Carole Middleton, with whom I have never interacted, unless you count a last-minute Party Pieces purchase in a desperate moment of poor parental planning.

Another frequent barb was questioning why the press wasn’t writing about that ‘pedo’ [sic] Prince Andrew instead – seemingly oblivious to the fact that no one would know about the Duke of York’s links to Jeffrey Epstein if it wasn’t for the acres of coverage devoted to the story by us royal hacks over recent years.

It didn’t matter that I had repeatedly torn the Queen’s second, and, some say, favourite son to pieces for everything from his propensity to take his golf clubs on foreign tours to that disastrous Newsnight interview.

Contrary to the ‘invisible contract’ Harry claims the palace has with the press, royal coverage works roughly like this: good royal deeds = good publicity. Bad royal deeds = bad publicity. We effectively act as a critical friend, working on behalf of a public that rightly expects the royals to take the work – but not themselves – seriously.

So when a royal couple preaches about climate change before taking four private jets in 11 days, it is par for the course for a royal scribe to point out the inconsistency of that message. None of it is ever personal, as evidenced by the fact that practically every member of the monarchy has come in for flak over the years.

If Oprah wasn’t willing to point out the discrepancies in Harry and Meghan’s testimony, surely it is beholden on royal reporters to question how the Duchess had managed to undertake four foreign holidays in the six months after her wedding, in addition to official tours to Italy, Canada, and Amsterdam, as well as embarking on a lengthy honeymoon, if she had ‘turned over’ her passport?

While no one would wish to undermine the extent of her mental health problems, could it really be true that she only left the house twice in four months when she managed to cram in 73 days’ worth of engagements, according to the Court Circular, in the 17 months between her wedding and the couple’s departure to Canada?

And what of the ‘racist’ headlines flashed up during the interview purporting to be from the British press, when more than a third were actually taken from independent blogs and the foreign media? The UK media abides by the Independent Press Standards Organisation’s Code of Conduct ‘to avoid prejudicial or pejorative reference to an individual’s race’, as well as by rigorous defamation laws. And rightly so – the British press doesn’t always get it right. But social media is the Wild West by comparison, publishing vile slurs on a daily basis with impunity.

Some therefore find it strange that such a litigious couple would claim to have been ‘silenced’ when they have made so many complaints, including resorting to legal action, over stories they claim not to have even read. There is something similarly contradictory about a couple accusing the tabloids of lacking self-reflection while refusing to take any blame at all – for anything.

In any normal world, informed writing on such matters would be classed as fair comment, but not, seemingly, on Twitter where those completely lacking any objectivity whatsoever are only too willing to virtue signal and manoeuvre.

As the trolling reached fever pitch in the aftermath of the interview, veteran royal reporter Robert Jobson of the Evening Standard called me. ‘Don’t respond to these freaks,’ he advised. ‘It’s getting nasty out there. Watch your back!’

Yet despite my general sense of bewilderment at the menacing Megbots, I can’t say it didn’t appal me to discover a close friend had received online abuse, purely by dint of being my mate. After discussing the lengths the troll must have gone to to track her down, she asked me, ‘Do you ever worry someone might do something awful to you?’ Er, not until now, no.

Of course it’s upsetting, even for a cynical old-timer like me. Worse still are people who actually know me casting aspersions on my profession on social media. Often these are the same charlatans who would think nothing of sidling up to me for the latest gossip on the Royal family, while publicly pretending that reading any such coverage is completely beneath them.

Most pernicious of all though – not least after Piers Morgan’s departure from Good Morning Britain following a complaint to ITV and Ofcom from the Duchess – is the corrosive effect this whole hullabaloo is having on freedom of speech. When you’ve got a former actor effectively editing a British breakfast show from an £11 million Montecito mansion, what next?

I cannot help but think we are in danger of setting race relations back 30 years if people are seriously suggesting that any criticism of Meghan is racially motivated. It’s the hypocrisy that gets me. When Priti Patel was accused of bullying, the very same people who willingly hung the Home Secretary out to dry are now the ones defending Meghan against such claims, saying they have been levelled at her simply because she is ‘a strong woman of colour’.

Of course journalists should take responsibility for everything they report and be held to account for it – but Harry and Meghan do not have a monopoly on the truth simply because the close friend and neighbour who interviewed them in return for £7 million from CBS took what they said as gospel.

If she isn’t willing to probe the disparity between Meghan saying someone questioned the colour of Archie’s skin when she was pregnant, and Harry suggesting it happened before they were even married, then someone must. There’s a name for such scrutiny. It’s called journalism.

The public reserves the right to make up its own mind – with the help of the watchful eye of a free and fair press. But that press can never be free or fair if journalists do not feel they can report without fear or favour. I’m lucky that a lot of the criticism I face is more than balanced out by hugely supportive members of the public and online community who either agree – or respect the right to disagree. Along with the hate mail, I have had many thoughtful and eloquent missives, including those that good naturedly challenge what I have written in the paper or said on TV, which have genuinely given me pause for thought.

I am more than happy to enter into constructive discourse with these correspondents, who are frankly sometimes the only people who keep me on Twitter. I mean, let’s face it, I wouldn’t be anywhere near the bloody thing if this wasn’t my day job.

With the National Union of Journalists this month declaring that harassment and abuse had ‘become normalised’ within the industry, never have members of Britain’s press needed more courage. As Winston Churchill famously said, ‘You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.’

Who would have thought that the preservation of the fundamental freedoms that we hold so dear should partially rest on the shoulders of those who follow around a 94-year-old woman and her family for a living?

If I’d known then what I know now, would I still have written the bridesmaid’s dress story?

Yes – doubtlessly reflecting sisterly sobs all round. But after two decades in this business, I am clear-eyed enough to know this for certain: whatever I had written, it would still have ended in tears.

[lostandsearching]

Her Loss

Pairings: Maria Hill/Fem!Reader, Natasha Romanoff/Fem!Reader, Wanda Maximoff/Fem!Reader

Summary: Y/N is forever searching for her, the half of her soul that will free her form the pain in her heart. But what does she do when the roads fork into different paths and into different arms. How does she differentiate from true love and fleeting lust? Can she find the arms of her destined or will she simply doom herself and let them slip through her fingers.

Warnings: WandaVision elements used, swearing (maybe?)

Word Count: 2600+

A/N: Here’s chapter 3 and we’re following our favourite little witchy! Just a shout out to @theperfectlovestory​ for being so patient and reading through my chapters. If you ain’t read her work, you’re missing out! As always, reblogs and feedback are welcome. Enjoy :)

Chapter One | Chapter Two

Tossing and turning, she shifts around in bed uncomfortably. Having been able to sleep the night before, exhaustion catching up to her, she is faced with another restless night. Her sleeping has improved over the months. The nights she cried to sleep was no longer a regular occurrence but she still had her difficulties.

The bed was always too unfamiliarly empty no matter how much time had passed. There was no weight by her side causing a dip in the mattress, no strong arms wrapped around her waist encasing her protectively and no cool body to nestle herself against. Her empty bed serves as just another reminder of everything she’s lost. The fates had been cruel to her, delivering her time and time again into loving arms only to rip them away from her far too soon.

Having accepted that sleep will not welcome her tonight, she looked towards the wall clock on her right. ‘It’s only four but I guess I can enjoy the quiet and watch the sunrise for a little while’ muttering to herself. She clambers out of bed throwing on a large dark blue jumper, his jumper, and a pair of jeans careful not to make any noise and stir the children next door.

She loves Clint’s children dearly and wholeheartedly. They accepted her, a stranger, as family without hesitation or fear of her abilities. Little Nate went so far as running to her with the widest grin on his face to proudly proclaim that he’s also named after her brother. This only brought happy tears to her eyes as she engulfed him in a hug. Yes, she loved them dearly and she couldn’t be more grateful to the retired archer and Laura for opening their home to her but sometimes it was too much.

The happy shrieks of laughing children reverberating off the walls, the gentle and loving touches between Laura and Clint, the pure love and pride in Clint’s eyes as he took in his family at the dinner table would sometimes be unbearable for Wanda. This was supposed to be the life she had with him. A home, he had secretly bought for them, in a place called Westview with two children at least. They would have dinner together as a family, watch their children grow up like no time has passed at all, even go trick-or-treating wearing silly family costumes. Her life would have been filled with love, laughter and warm embraces but he was gone, taking her dreams along with him.

Wanda quickly threw on her slippers and crept as quietly as possible out of the farmhouse, trying to avoid rousing the slumber of the ever attentive Hawkeye. He may need hearing aids but Wanda would bet anything that he wore them to bed to avoid being taken by surprise. One misstep on a creaky floorboard would have him rushing out with bow and arrow in hand, ready to protect his family from any intruder, only for her to flounder a lame excuse at her sneaking around at an ungodly hour.

Lady luck was on her side it would seem and she escaped the confines of the home without incident. She is instantly greeted by a cool and gentle breeze caressing her skin. She sits on the steps of the home looking up at the clear night sky as the sun teeters on the horizon, teasing the darkness with a warm glow. She lets her mind wander back to over a year ago, to the events that unfolded after her return from the now dubbed Blip.

//

One moment she had Vision’s lifeless body cradled against her as she sobs, only to be suddenly greeted by a strange man calling her to arms, Vision’s body nowhere to be found.

“The fate of the world needs you to come with me now if we are to have any hope in defeating Thanos” and with that he opened a portal and passed through, Wanda nipping at his heels.

She thrust herself into the chaotic battlefield, remnants of the destroyed compound strewn about, with only one goal in mind. He took the love of her life, he took her life and he’s taken her home. Thanos has taken everything from her and now she’ll make him pay.

She flew in engaging Thanos, bombarding him with all the rage coursing through her veins. Angry, red wisps encase the tyrant threatening to rip him apart but as she was within a hair’s breadth away from finding her revenge, hell fire reigned from the skies knocking her off her feet. The battle for the gauntlet waged on being passed from Avenger to Avenger in hopes of getting it to some rickety van in the distance.

When all hope seemed to be lost, the gauntlet fixed around Thanos’s hand once again with an arrogant line about inevitability escaping his lips, their one and only chance arrived.

“Stark! Now!” a sound shouts commandingly before a woman encompassed in light crashes into the purple titan throwing him back. In the few moments after the order, Tony flew into action and disabled the gauntlet remotely allowing it to fall from Thanos’s hand and to wrap itself around the ready fist of Captain Marvel.

“Yeah, I don’t think so” she retorts with a head tilt and a cocky grin painted on her face. ‘Snap’ the battlefield is once again being covered in ash but it is Thanos’s army that is falling to dust with himself crumbling soon after. Being exposed to gamma radiation in space for years and receiving power from the space stone made her more resilient to the after effects of using the infinity stones. Painful as it was, she would recover.

Wanda on the other hand wasn’t sure she would recover herself. Not only had she lost Vision and her home, in what felt like a matter of fleeting moments, she lost the chance at avenging him by her own hands. ‘He’s gone, this will have to be good enough’ she finally relents to herself.

It was only after the battle had ended, when Bruce and Captain Marvel, she later learned, had been tended to that she found out the true price of  her, and the half the universe’s return. Natasha Romanoff had given her life in exchange for the soul stone, she gave her life so the world could be set right.

The icy cold Black Widow had held her at arms-length after Wanda had entered the older woman’s mind at Ultron’s behest. At the battle of Sokovia Wanda tried to remedy her mistake and prove herself but lost her first home and the life of her brother, Pietro, instead. Clint quickly took it upon himself to care for the young witch and urged Natasha to give Wanda a chance. He believed she already paid a heavy price for her mistake, she doesn’t need to be punished anymore.

With many gruelling training sessions under the watchful eye of the Black Widow, a tentative bond slowly grew, one of mentorship and then eventually friendship. Natasha grew to care for Wanda like a younger sister, although she would never out rightly admit of her fondness to the other Avengers. Wanda learnt to appreciate that the harshness delivered in Natasha’s training had served to keep Wanda alive, to give her the tools to protect herself from their dangerous job.

She had lost another loved one, Natasha on a planet and in a time she couldn’t reach, she needed to get one of them back. She approached the only man she knew that would have the unending finances to find Vision’s body. Although she still doesn’t trust Tony Stark, his hubris being the reason for her parents’ death and then his pride being the reason she was locked away in the Raft like an animal, she believed that his intentions were only ever good, even if his methods were questionable at best. He swore on his daughter’s life, much to the surprise of Wanda only having learnt of Morgan, that he would find Vision for her. She will try to trust him once more.

The compound needed to be rebuilt and Stark needed to build another time machine so that the stones could be returned to their original time, cutting off the branches, at least that’s what was explained to her.

//

It took no time at all, considering Stark’s wealth and that the world was also eternally grateful for the return of their loved ones, for the Avengers compound to be rebuilt. Surprisingly, especially to Stark, she continued to stay at the cabin whilst the new time machine was being built. She couldn’t possibly go back to the compound with both her love and her sister being gone.

“Please bring her back, I can’t lose anyone else. I don’t know what I’d do” she pleads with her arms around the super soldier. She pulls back from their embrace, tears threatening to fall.

“I’ll bring her back Wanda, whatever it takes” Steve promises with finality and with a gentle squeeze of her hand, he steps into the portal.

Wanda stood there with bated breath, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around herself. She squeezes herself tightly as if holding back a terrible force and its impending explosion from within, should Steve fail. It isn’t until Bruce speaks that she tempts fate by opening her eyes, fixed on the platform once more.

“5…4…3…2…1. Ha! It worked!” he yelps, fisting the air with joy.

Wanda couldn’t believe the sight in front of her, Steve kept his word. Forest green eyes land on hazel green ones. She wasn’t too sure what happened, one moment she was standing and the next moment, she was crumpled on the floor sobbing. She finally let the tears free fall, allowing the anguish, loss and small reprieve to wash over her. ‘She came back, someone came back’ a mantra repeating itself in her mind begging to be believed.

With all the agility and grace attributed to the Widow, Natasha leapt out of Steve’s arms to engulf the younger woman in hers. As is always in the Avengers’ lives, the joy of a win is forever marred with sorrow at the cost of gaining it.

The compound having already been built, Wanda finally returned with Natasha by her side. The Avengers home was no longer filled with mirth as it once was, trauma, loss and exhaustion hangs heavy in the air. Clint had chosen to stay at the compound temporarily, with his family, to spend time with Wanda and Natasha. Tony and Rhodey chose to retire, Captain Marvel had long since returned to space but promised to visit when she was in the galaxy, Thor chose to leave the Avengers to join The Guardians in space and Vision was gone.

It was a week after Natasha’s return, a week at the compound that Wanda finally got the call she so desperately needed.

“Hey witchy, how are you liking the new digs?” Tony jokes. Wanda couldn’t help but roll her eyes as anger began bubbling beneath the surface.

“I am not in the mood for your jokes Stark” her thick Sokovian accent slipping past the cracks of her control.

Tony lets out a heavy sigh before responding. “OK kid, this isn’t a social call. I promised I’d find him but I don’t think you’re gonna like what I’m about to tell you” he tries carefully.

Her eyes are consumed with whirls of red while her hand holds the phone in a vice-like grip. “Where is he Stark?” she says through gritted teeth.

“I tried to get his body released to me this morning, but they refused. I could spend every dime I have and liquidate all my assets, they still won’t let him go claiming that he is government property since he signed the Accords.” frustration clear in his voice.

“I will get the best lawyers on the case but it will take time be…”

“Where” she interrupts with a bite in her tone.

“S.W.O.R.D”

//

After the events of meeting Hayward and seeing what he had done to Vision, Wanda knew she had two choices. She opted for the latter. She called Natasha as soon as she left S.W.O.R.D’s offices making her way back to her car.

“Wanda, what’s going on? You ran…” Before she could finish her questioning, she is interrupted by Wanda’s broken voice.

“S.W.O.R.D have Vision’s body and they wouldn’t let me take him home to bury him. They’re tearing him apart like an OBJECT! He gave his LIFE and they won’t even let what’s left of him find PEACE!” her anger is replaced by breaking sobs wracking through her body, ending her ability to speak any further.

“Come home now. Clint and I will fix it” She commands calmly and confidently.

Just as Wanda was the female assassin’s younger sister, she was also the archer’s daughter. No-one messes with the two deadly assassins’ family and escapes unscathed.

True to the Widow name, Natasha seduced and hacked her way into S.W.O.R.D’s data server and extracted details on questionable S.W.O.R.D activities including Hayward’s isolated server with files and data on his less than legal proclivities.

Clint, being true to his ethos, was crawling through S.W.O.R.D ventilation shafts, planting well placed audio and visual recording devices, courtesy of Stark himself.

With all the pieces at hand, Natasha only needed the perfect person for the execution. Her love for Wanda saw her doing the unimaginable for the first time. She asked for help.

“Maria, I need you to do something for me. I need you to get Vision’s body from S.W.O.R.D. Clint and I have all the data you’ll need to make it happen” her steady voice not betraying the pounding in her heart.

“Why would I get on S.W.O.R.D’S radar exactly?” Maria responds emotionlessly. She would have done it without question of course, but she can’t let Natasha know that. After all, she has a reputation to maintain.

“Because I will owe you a favour” Natasha retorts through clenched teeth. A pregnant pause fills the air before Maria responds.

“Send me everything you have and give me 48 hours” without another word, Maria ends the call and Natasha releases a breath she wasn’t aware she was holding.

Maria, always a woman of her word, saw to it that 48 hours later Vision’s body was being returned to Wanda at the compound under S.H.I.E.L.D escort. Wanda may not have given her lover the death that he asked of her nor the vengeance that he was owed, but she could give him the burial that he deserved and the farewell she needed.

All the Avengers, including Rhodey, Tony and Thor, returned one last time to pay their respects, to honour their fallen ally and friend. Wanda laid to rest the love of her life and yet another piece of her heart.

//

“You know, you still aren’t as quiet as Nat” he teases taking a seat on the step beside her. “Penny for your thoughts?” he gently prods.

“Thinking about him” Wanda whispers, still unable to say Vision’s name since the funeral. “Thinking about what you, Nat and even Tony have done for me since”

He turns to look at the young woman and sees not only pain in her eyes, but a steady determination that wasn’t there before. He keeps quiet, allowing her to gather her thoughts without interruption.

“I think…no, I know I’m ready to go home Clint” she says with growing confidence. She finally turns to face the archer. She sees time, suffering and loss etched on his aging face but those are all muted by the brightness in his blue-grey eyes full of love and pride.

Wanda has survived the loss of her parents, her brother, her first home and her lover. She’s tired of surviving and she is finally ready to go home to start living.

“I’ll tell Nat so she can get a jet ready and prepared for you” and with that, they spend the last few moments together, sitting in silence and basking in the warm glow of the sunrise full of hope and gentle promises. 

Chapter Four

[jincherie]

say so | knj & ksj [m]

! —  COMMISSION  — !

❥ — pairing: namjoon x reader x seokjin ❥ — genre: poly, 1950s au/rockabilly au, smut, childhood f2l, angst, fluff, musician!namjin, burlesque!mc ❥ — words: 24.5k+ ❥ — rating: 18+ ❥ — warnings: light angst, pining, smut !!!; oral (all kinds), anal, fingering, squirting, multiple orgasms, edging, light switch!joon, light switch!oc, harder dom!jin, double pentration, cockwarming, reverse cowgirl etc.... if I forgot sometihng I will add it later but for now this is it fellas. ❥ — notes: oh my god I am FINALLY ejecting this fic from my brain !!! part of the reason this took so long was, of course, the current circamstances across the world mixed in with a few personal factors, but also because I haven’t written a ‘historical’ fic before and I wanted to make sure I got it right ! of course, that somehow ended with me going way over word count so i am so sorry for that, but i truly hope you like it! I haven’t gone over it yet but i will do that later, i just wanted to post and get this fic out of my asshole

Returning to your hometown for a week is something you’ve managed to avoid for three years, but when you can finally put it off no longer you find upon arrival the very thing you were scared of encountering. When the two famous childhood friends you haven’t spoken to in years have returned at the same time as you, you can’t quite tell whether you’re going to be able to make it out in one piece or emerge with a heart more wounded than before.

Especially since it turns out the feelings you thought you were over never quite went away.

— masterlist |  posted; 17.08.2020

You didn’t really expect to find yourself back here so soon, but here you are— everything in your room is in exactly the same state as it was three years ago.

The covers on your bed, the magazine cuttings, faded posters and hand-painted canvases that mark the phases of your youth hung on your wall—even the light-toned floral wallpaper and the little knickknacks atop your dresser are the same. It makes something like nostalgia rise within you, a reminiscent haze filtering through your thoughts. It has been too long since you’ve been back here, and the guilt that always lingers in the back of your mind now pushes its way to the forefront. You feel bad, not having been back to your childhood home in so long, despite the reasons you had for moving away.

You haven’t been here all that long, but as soon as you finished talking with your parents downstairs your feet had carried you here, more out of habit that anything. Absentmindedly, you brush your hand over the oak of your dresser, curious when your fingertip comes back without a single speck of dust. Your mother must have come through often to clean. The realisation both warms your heart and compounds the guilt you feel, making you frown.  In an effort to distract yourself, you turn your gaze back to the rest of your old room, catching sight of a few photographs plastered above your study desk. You know what they contain, and still you can’t seem to help yourself as you draw closer and peer at them anew. They’re just as familiar to your eyes as you expected.

Of course, in this house you’d be lucky to find a photograph of you that didn’t also have these two in it. 

Your eyes skip over the older ones with yellowing glaze and curled corners to focus on the most recent-looking image, drinking in the two boys you’d spent the entirety of your childhood and teen years with. Easily your best friends, until… well, until three  years ago. A fond smile fights its way to your lips; you remember when this was taken. Your mother had lined the three of you up for a photo in the yard but at the very last second they’d pushed you into the pool. Both boys stand tall in the image, but you’d recognise the taller one with the goofy grin anywhere, even if his face wasn’t already plastered across newspapers and featuring on the television every other evening. Namjoon is just as boyish in the image as you recall, and next to him where they stand laughing over the pool is Seokjin, appearance every bit as neat and clean as you’ve glimpsed in recent years when he has featured in a magazine or program that is particularly popular with the youth. It was always a bit weird to you, a little hard to process, that the two boys you’ve known since the three of you were in diapers are now pretty much, well… celebrities. Something bubbles in your chest, the pressure of a sigh but the weight of something you’re not quite ready to name yet. Distantly, in the back of your mind, a tiny part of you whispers that it tastes a little like regret, and sounds a little like yearning.

Growing up, the two of them had discovered an affinity for music, and you for the arts. You suppose that small difference is what eventually led to the distance that grew between you, before you left— if not for the fact that they found the limelight so naturally and built popularity quicker than anticipated after their individual musical debuts. It really didn’t take them all that long to begin steadily growing their fanbase within the youth of your town, their songs played more and more often on local stations. Before long people even a few cities over caught wind of them, but you didn’t get to see it. By the point they had spread their wings that far, you were already gone.

You wrinkle your nose, not liking this sudden trip down a particular lane in your memory that you’ve been avidly avoiding the past three years. Taking a step back from the desk that the photographs hang above, you desperately search for something else to capture your attention. Fortunately for you, a voice sounds behind you before you can flounder too long.

“Wow, I can’t believe you actually came. How long has it been, forty years?”

You jump slightly, the familiarity of the voice and sheer amount of attitude in the words allowing you to recognise it instantly. You spin, eyes quickly locking onto the familiar head of straight blonde hair and cherubic features that belong to your sister. You’ve kept in touch with her via letter and the occasional call, but other than that this is the first time you’ve seen her in years. She’s a little bit taller than you remember, and she’s filled out a little more now that she’s no longer a gangly teen. You are surprised though to note the absence of the usual distressed denim that she favoured throughout the years. Instead she’s in a neat pair of capris that rise to the dip of her waist, where she has tucked in a bright red blouse beneath a belt. Out of habit, you look down to her feet and catch a glimpse of red canvas shoes that instantly make you want to laugh; your mother never could get her into a pair of heels, even if she managed to get her out of the dungarees that she used to love so much.  Lisa smiles cheekily beneath your scrutiny, opening her arms wide. With a laugh, you throw your own around her, pulling her into a tight hug. 

“You’re so dramatic,” you retort, rolling your eyes even though she can’t see it. “Of course I would come to celebrate my own sister’s engagement. I had to see it with my own eyes to believe it.”

“Why does everyone say the same thing when I talk about it?” Lisa groans, pulling back with a familiar pout that seems to have survived her transition into young adulthood. She slips her arm through your own,  giving your bicep a smack as she leads you from the room. “It’s not that hard to believe that I’m getting married! Also— what on earth have you been up to all these years? Have you been attending classes? You’re in such good shape, oh my goodness—”

Unwittingly, your cheeks flush; you probably shouldn’t tell her the real reason for your current physique lest she blab with champagne-loosened lips about it to the rest of your family at her party. Sober Lisa is the only one that knows how to keep a secret, as you’ve found out through a number of shamefully scrawled confessions in the letters she would send you. A number of things you’d confided in her over the years have since been aired like dirty laundry to some of her friends, much to your mutual regret.

“Uh, yeah. Something like that,” you say dismissively, quickly returning to the previous topic as the two of you descend the stairs. “And it’s probably because of all those things you said when you were younger, like how you’d rather live in a mud hut on a deserted island than ever marry a smelly boy riddled with cooties—”

“Ah, yes,” Lisa sighs, the sound more fond and less ashamed than you were expecting. “Those were the days— I was such a badass little ankle-biter. What has become of me? I must be the one riddled with cooties at this point.”

“Probably,” you muse, catching sight of your mother behind the kitchen counter and shooting her a smile as you move past. Lisa is lucky she hadn’t spoken too loudly or else she’d be getting a light smack for her language. It never seemed to stop her when she was younger though, so you doubt it would have an effect now either.

“A skirt at the knee, y/n?” Your mother lets out a dramatic, scandalous gasp upon seeing you. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“These are the clothes that you greeted me in?” You give her a pained look; apparently you need readjusting to her oddball sense of humour. She’s always been a little out of place in the straight-laced, conservative society that marks this day and age; your father too, except he was just a bit more sneaky about it. Actually, now that you think about it, Namjoon and Seokjin’s parents were always a little more on the liberal side too… What an odd coincidence that the three families ended up in a row at the end of the same cul-de-sac.

You’re not deigned with a response, your mother smacking her hands onto the apron she has tied over her baby blue skirt and turning to the oven. You think you hear her muttering about ‘time’ and ‘darn apple pies always taking too long to cook’ and can’t help the way your mouth waters in response. Gods, is it bad if one of the things you missed the most while away is the apple pies your mother makes?

You turn to Lisa, about to ask her whether the apple pie is something you’re going to be able to steal a piece of, only to find that she’s disappeared into thin air. Fantastic. You’re not staying here while you’re back in town, so you’re unsure whether you’re going to be able to cash in on dinner or whether your mother will hold it over your head a little first. You wander over to the  edge of the kitchen, sticking your head into the living room to peer around; you’re curious as to just how much has changed in the time that you’ve been gone. Not as much as you might have hoped, to your chagrin.

“You still have that ugly old thing,” you observe, unable to help the way that your nose wrinkles in response to the sight of the monstrosity still wearing holes into the carpet of the living room.

“My love,” you mother says, giving you an (affectionate) sharp smack on the shoulder as she slips past you, shooting you a bright grin when the thickness of her skirt knocks you slightly. Apparently she’s finished in the kitchen for now; you glance back to see a bowl of nuts joining the bowl of fruit that had been on the counter earlier. “I’d sooner perish than give up your grandmother’s armchair. Besides…. I do so adore how it never fails to draw your ire.”

“I do hate that thing,” your father utters suddenly from the kitchen behind you, his hand reaching for the bowl of fruit; he has his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, so you figure he must have retired to his study to read after greeting you earlier. He moves just as fast as you remember— your mother didn’t even have a chance to stop him before he was gone as quick as he came, hands full of whatever fruit he couldn’t fit in his mouth. 

“You—!” 

The sound of your father’s laughter tumbles off the walls, and you can’t help the smile that tugs your lips. You did miss this; the liveliness, the feeling of home. 

“y/n, dear, darling, light of my life…”

You turn to your mother, already knowing what is coming next from her tone. One thing you definitely didn’t miss—

“I forgot when I went past earlier, but could you go and fetch some cream from Barb’s? You know, that little store on the corner, down the road from the diner you always used to—”

You’re already turning towards the front of the house, heading for where you’d left your purse with a fond roll of your eyes. “I know where Barb’s is, Ma! I only went away to study, I didn’t lose my memories!”

Your mother’s cheeky laugh is what bids you farewell as you duck out the door and start on your way.

X – x – x

You’d forgotten just how tempting the treats in Barb’s are.

When you exit the small corner store around an hour or so later (it was hardly any distance to walk, but of course Mrs. Park was keen to hold you hostage long enough to squeeze every single detail out of you she could about your time away) it’s with an overflowing paper bag in your arms that holds more than just the cream your mother sent your for. One look at the apple Danish pastries and cinnamon-sprinkled goodies behind the glass of her counter and you’d been unable to help yourself. Your mother did always say that your sweet tooth would be your undoing. 

Walking through the streets that you grew up becoming so familiar with breeds a certain kind of yearning that swells in your chest and borders on painful. This, you suspect, is because most— if not all— of your memories of this place are intrinsically linked with those of the two men who used to take up such a big part of your life; and that therefore then left such a big hole when they were gone. 

It’s hard not to fall into them, the memories. The candy store where the three of you would scrounge up as many coins as you could and pile them all together to get the best sweets on the shelves; the library where you spent as much time goofing off and getting scolded as you did studying in your senior years; even the drive-in cinema, where you used to take your parents cars for the evening and sit on the hood while poking fun at the latest flick to grace the screen. Being back here is making you face something that you have somehow skilfully managed to avoid up until now—

You miss them, Seokjin and Namjoon. You miss your best friends.

This is something that is hammered home further when you reach the point in your journey home where you pass the place featured most in your memories. Dana’s Dinery, probably the only thing more constant in your life than those two boys and your own family. The pink and red hues of its name and the exposed bulbs decorating the signage are something you remember clear as day, and just the sight of it alone has your mouth watering for the burgers and other fried goods they loved to serve there. The kind of food you know is terrible for you, but that you also just can’t get enough of nonetheless. You’ve spent so many nights there that at some point every single member of staff there knew you by name. Of course, since the three of you were barely seen apart at that time, they knew Seokjin and Namjoon, too. 

You’re tempted to duck in and say hello, and before you can even give it much thought your feet are already angling you in that direction, short heels scuffing against the pavement. Through the window you can see the familiar shiny red booth seats and the similarly upholstered stools that line the counter; behind it is a woman with wild, dark curls thrown back in a bun, a pencil behind her ear. Ah, so Mrs. Cara still works there. A petal of affection unfurls in your chest at the sight of her, but drops to the ground in the next second as your gaze slides to the side and halts on two figures currently seated at the counter.

No way. No way.

You freeze, eyes wide as you stand rooted to the spot for just a moment. You know that logically, they can’t be here, but the profiles you can just barely glimpse from this distance are so eerily familiar to that of Namjoon and Seokjin that you think your heart skips perhaps one too many beats. For some reason, your stomach roils with the urge to flee; you just got around to admitting that you miss them, and yet the second you think you might be seeing them, you want to run away? Honestly, it doesn’t make sense—wouldn’t make sense to anyone else privy to the thoughts currently whipping through your mind. 

But you’re a master at stewing in your own thoughts and feelings, familiar with dissecting them until you understand them to the best of your ability at the time. So you know why you promptly turn on your heel and begin hastily back on your way home, abandoning any plans to go inside the diner. You know why, but you’re not quite ready to dwell on it yet, so you push it to the backburner and do your very best not to think about it the whole walk back.

X – x – x

You’re ashamed.

A huff escapes you, your eyes boring into the ceiling, unfocused. After delivering the cream to your mother (and promptly having the extra sweets confiscated until after dinner, lest you snack away your appetite—you guess that answers your question about whether you’re staying for supper) you decided to retire up here for now. You’d thought that your room might feel a little alien to you after all this time away, but when you’d dragged yourself in and shucked your shoes off at the door, it had welcomed you back with an air of nostalgia and open arms. You’re sprawled across your bed now, arms behind your head as you stare at the ceiling. When you were younger, maybe fourteen, you had decorated it with little stars and planets that you’d painted. Well, it wasn’t just you—some of the more crudely decorated renditions towards the wall are courtesy of Seokjin and Namjoon. You wouldn’t say they’re bad at art, just that they have… well, a distinct style that is very them.

Wait, you’re getting distracted—back to the matter at hand: you’re ashamed. 

At this point in your life, if someone had asked you why that particular emotion might be plaguing you right now, then in all honesty you would have a vast array of reasons to give them. But the answer as to why you’re ashamed right now, lies in the two people you could have sworn you glimpsed earlier. 

Now that there is a little temporal distance between you and that particular moment, you can use logic to assure yourself that there’s no way you actually just saw Namjoon and Seokjin at the diner that you all used to haunt in your youth. But in the moment, when you thought you’d seen them, you fell into a bit of a panic. This, you have determined, is because you are ashamed. It’s a little harder to determine why you’re ashamed in relation to them, but what you’ve managed to discern so far is that you feel to blame for the way things went, at least partially. Or, perhaps its that you fear they blame you for the way things went. In reality, from what you remember, they first began to grow apart from each other, and then they began to grow apart from you. That, of course, isn’t something you can blame yourself for. But, what you can blame yourself for – and here is what you think may be the root of your shame – is that you were the one to up and leave suddenly. You were the one to disappear without even a goodbye, almost. You could have kept in touch if you tried, but you’d basically disappeared off the face of the earth.

You wonder if they blame you, or if they might even resent you because of that.

Well, if they even remember you, that is. They’re pretty much in the big leagues now, you remind yourself. They’re making it mainstream and they’re hot on the heels of the most renowned names in the business. 

You’re not very good at comforting yourself. Not that you really attempted it this time, but usually whenever you do you just end up stewing in your thoughts a little. You don’t even realise you’re glaring at the ceiling in the midst of sorting through your mental mess until a knock at the door jerks you out of it. You turn towards it just as it opens and a head pops inside, a gleam you instantly decide you don’t like shining in Lisa’s eyes.

“Come downstairs,” she says cryptically, beginning to ease back out. She only chimes once more when she’s out of view. “If you don’t, I’ll eat all those pastries you brought back! Keep that in mind!”

What on earth… you’re left absolutely confused for a moment, before her last words sink in and you throw yourself from your bed with haste, not even bothering to put your shoes back on before you dart out of the room. The trip downstairs is treacherous in stockings, but you don’t have time to lose. You’re sister isn’t one to bluff, and you don’t want her anywhere near those pastries!

“Don’t you touch those!” you call in warning as you slide across the hardwood floor in the hall and fly down the stairs. “Lisa, I mean it! If you lay a single finger on those pastries you’ll lose it!”

There’s laughter in the direction of the kitchen, and you’re angled to follow the sound when your eyes catch sight of movement to the side and you freeze on the spot. 

“y/n!” your mother cries, clearly ecstatic that you’ve come down to join her. She’s standing in the hall that leads the front door, talking to some people you can’t yet see. “Look who’s here! My, I haven’t seen these two in almost as long as I hadn’t seen you!”

Something like dread, mixed with an odd spike of anticipation, begins to trickle into your abdomen. All too suddenly you remember exactly who you thought you saw earlier, and realise she can only be talking about two people in particular. 

Nervously, you smooth down your skirt and blouse, shooting your mother a look that you hope isn’t too panicked. She is, of course, oblivious, and simply grabs you by the arm to drag you around the corner. 

“I haven’t seen the three of you together in so long! I missed your handsome faces around here, too. Perhaps the height as well— now there’s no one in the house that can reach the top shelf in the pantry.”

Your mother is babbling, but you can’t bring yourself to mind when it saves you from having to speak yourself. As you’d feared, there are two very familiar people standing before you, hovering on your doorstep with almost nervous energy.

“It has been a while,” a soft tone with the luxurious depth of velvet— Seokjin smiles so charmingly at your mother that you think your heart really might have stopped for a second. When his dark eyes turn to you, there is something swirling in their depths that is in such contrast to the winning smile on his lips that you almost feel your knees shake. “y/n, it’s a lovely surprise to catch you here— we didn’t know you were in town as well.”

“Oh, and what brings you two boys back here?” Your mother asks, all too excited to hear exactly what has been going on in their lives since she saw them last. Thankfully, she saves you from having to answer straight away. “Are you back for long?”

“Just a week,” Namjoon answers, bashful smile juxtaposing the beaten leather of the jacket over his shoulders and the low, rough melody of his voice. Oh dear— “We’re actually here celebrating something with a close friend of ours; we were invited to a… party of sorts, you could say.”

You think you might be safe, that he might not say anything to you just yet, when he turns to you and his eyes flick along your form. He smiles again, this time with his dimples making an appearance. 

“It really has been too long, y/n. I’m glad we managed to run into you.”

You know it’s not a dig at you, but you feel your cheeks flush with shame nonetheless.

“Don’t tell me the three of you haven’t seen each other since she left,” your mother gasps, sending you a look that tells you she is going to be wringing information out of you later.

There’s a slight lull in the conversation that tells you it’s your time to chime in. Before you can, though, Seokjin speaks— still with a smile, despite the slight bite of his words. 

“Ah, yeah,” he says, shaking his head. He leans back slightly, switching his weight to the other leg and crossing his arms over his chest— you try not to look at the way it makes his chest and shoulders strain against the material of his button-up. “We wanted to write, or call, but we didn’t know where she was staying to send it. Made it a little hard to keep in touch.”

Your heart squeezes; that was a dig, that was definitely a dig. And you deserved it, but damn you didn’t realise it would hurt that much. And he hadn’t even said anything direct!

“Oh, well this is perfect then!” Your mother smacks you on the back, a little rougher than necessary, making you cough. “y/n is here for the week, why don’t you all catch up? Lisa’s engagement party is on Saturday so any day other than that should be fine— oh, you two should come, by the way! And invite your mothers too; it’s been too long since we’ve all sat down for tea.”

“That would be wonderful,” Namjoon agrees amicably, nodding his head to your mother. “I’m sure they’d love to take you up on that invite— I did get an earful about how lonely she was when I got home earlier.”

You have to fight a smile at that— Namjoon’s mother does have a penchant for the dramatics. You turn your gaze to the side to find Seokjin’s own already boring holes into you— it takes all your willpower not to jump. When he sees he has your attention, he smiles once more.

“We’d love to catch up,” he says, eyes still holding you captive. “How about dinner tomorrow, at Dana’s? I miss the burgers there.”

You catch Namjoon nodding from the corner of your eye, agreeing with the idea, and swallow your nerves down to flash a smile back. “Of course, that sounds fantastic.”

The two men nod, satisfied for now, and Namjoon pipes up once more as they take a step back.

“Well, we should probably get back— if we’re late for supper today we mightn’t be alive for dinner tomorrow,” he jokes, earning a laugh from your mother. His eyes flick to you, unreadable but holding such heat you almost gasp, “We’ll meet you there at seven tomorrow, y/n. I’m lookin’ forward to it.”

“See you, boys!” Your mother waves farewell, jabbing you with her elbow until you join her. “Hurry home!”

They nod with a laugh, and you watch them retreat to their respective homes on either side of yours until your mother closes the door and cuts off your view, turning to you with a look that could mean a number of things. She’s distracted from unleashing a verbal flood on you in the next moment, however, when she catches sight of your feet.

“y/n!” she gasps, tone scolding. “Go put your shoes on! Walking around without them— this isn’t how I raised you, my goodness. You’re going to wear holes in your stockings! Go go go!”

Startled by the way she raises her arm in promise, you yelp and scamper away, back towards the stairs. “Okay, I’m going!”

You’re about halfway up the stairs, petticoat and skirt swishing violently from how fast you scaled them, when she calls after you.

“And don’t think you’re off the hook, missy! You and I are having a long, in-depth chat after dinner!”

You can only resign yourself to your fate.

x - x - x

“I’m in trouble, Mina. Oh, I’m in trouble.”

“It can’t be anything more than the trouble you’re going to be in for wearing holes into the hotel room carpet— stop that! You’re making me anxious!”

You halt mid-pace, sending your friend a pained look. She’s sprawled across the second bed in your hotel room, reading some magazine that touts the latest in makeup and jewellery from some of the more big-name brands.

“Please, just this once, let me be the one having a Diva moment,” you say, almost begging— to your own distaste. You just need someone to vent to, but she’s not exactly being helpful.

“What is this about?” she asks, closing her magazine to pin you with a borderline-grumpy look. “What has your knickers in such a— oh, I love those shorts! Are those new?”

“Uh, yeah. I bought them the other week,” you answer, looking down at the light blue shorts you’d slipped into for comfort’s sake this morning. They’re so comfortable, in fact, that you regret that you’re unable to wear them in public. You quickly shake your head when you realise you’re getting off-topic. “Hey— I told you what this is about! Did you listen to a single thing I said since I got back last night? Do I mean nothing to you?”

“You’re so dramatic,” Mina utters under her breath. “Yes, I was listening! I was just checking we were talking about the same thing!"

The look you give her is dubious at best, "Okay, then what am I talking about?"

"Those two hot cats you grew up with," Mina says, waving her manicured hand dismissively. "What about them is giving you such grief?"

"I ran into them yesterday," you say, eyes unfocused as you fall back into your thoughts once more. "They want to meet for dinner, to catch up."

"Oh, well that's fine," Mina says. "You don't have feelings for them anymore, so it should be alright, yeah?"

You bite your lip, wincing and giving her a look that could only be described as a mixture between sheepish and remorseful.

"Oh, y/n," She sounds a lot like your mother with the tone she's taken now, "Don't tell me..."

"I thought I was over it!" you say, wailing almost, as you throw your arms into the air. "They were already so distant before I left, you know? And it's been so long that I thought the feelings went away."

You huff, one hand on your hip and the other splayed over your face. "But then I saw them yesterday, and I think I nearly had a heart failure. I don't think... that those feelings went away."

When you manage to glimpse her way, Mina is wincing, teeth visible. She reaches up to scratch her hairline, almost dislodging one of the curlers she has wound in her hair. "Well, it's just one dinner... When is it? I'm sure you have plenty of time to get rid of those feelings before you--"

"It's tonight," you say with a certain level of resignation, walking over to your own bed and finally throwing yourself onto it in defeat.

"Tonight?!" Mina positively squawks, scrambling into a sitting position in her disbelief. "Uh, y/n, I do hope you haven't forgotten, but we have a show almost every night Saturday--"

"I know," you bemoan, staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore the odd marks there-- you don't have the brain space to wonder how they even got up there in the first place. "The dinner will be finished in time, I'm not worried about that. I'm just... worried about what will happen during, you know? It's kind of stupid but... what if they hate me now? I didn't even tell them when I left, didn't give them an address to write me or a number to call..."

"Yeah, that was kind of a rude move," Mina says bluntly, "But I don't think they would invite you to dinner to catch up if they hated you, y'know? They were your best friends, they probably missed the hell out of you."

You ponder her words, unable to pick them apart with logic. "Maybe," you mutter, picking at a loose thread on your blouse."... I did miss them."

"See?" Mina says knowingly, giving you a look before falling back on the bed and reaching for the chunky romance novel that she has perched on the headboard above the bed.. "And who knows— you're a hot catch, they might end up returning those feelings and you might come out of this a lucky woman! Well, probably a bit sore in certain places, but lucky nonetheless—”

"MINA!"

The pillow you threw smacks her square in the face, but does nothing to muffle the cackle she lets out after. God, she's not the first choice to come to for advice, but to her credit you do feel a bit better now.

x- x - x

Seven o’clock that evening finds you hovering nervously outside the doors to Dana's Dinery, hand outstretched to take the handle but unable to follow through completely with the movement. For the moment, you're stuck in your thoughts, and your thoughts are stuck on the same thing that had plagued them earlier in the day.

What's going to happen when you walk in there? When you're seated at the table with them and in the process of catching up? You shouldn't be as fearful of it as you are, but you can't help it. The evolution your feelings for them undertook a few years ago aside, they were still very much your best friends. Their opinion of you... well it sucks, but it still matters to you.

Didn’t stop you from doing what you did though, did it?

Huffing and deciding to ignore the nasty little voice that is attempting to make an already stressful night even worse, you force your limbs into action and simply resign to bite the bullet. If they are upset with you, then being late to dinner certainly won’t help things. 

“y/n! Over here!”

With how quickly they spot you, mere seconds after passing through the doorway, a part of you wonders if they saw you hovering outside like a coward. Shame flushes across your neck and ears at the thought, but you do your best to remain at least outwardly unaffected.

Over in the booth at the very end of the diner, nestled against the window and the wall, the two men who have been haunting your thoughts for more than a day sit. You recognise the booth— it’s your Corner, you always sat there with them, to the point where if the staff saw anyone else sit there when they knew you were coming, they’d politely usher them to a new seat. It makes something shift inside you to see them there again. You don’t feel like you’re in school again, but something else feels akin to that time…

It’s probably the butterflies.

Namjoon is grinning at you widely, waving his arm; he’s ditched the leather from yesterday and is now donning a fitted black button-up that brings a nice contrast against the sun-kissed hue of his skin, though his hair is still swept into its style somewhat half-heartedly. Seokjin next to him is in a tan knit turtleneck sweater, glasses perched on his nose and hair attended to much more neatly than the man next to him. Both men are looking at you as you approach, but their stares (especially Seokjin’s) are a little too intense for you to handle, and you end up looking away as you take a seat across from them. 

The booth is less squeaky than you remember, but somehow just as plush. You place your purse and cardigan onto the red leather next to you, clasping your hands together and offering a tentative smile. The soft rock tumbling from speakers around the diner isn’t going to fill the lull in conversation for very long. “Hey, sorry to have kept you waiting…”

Seokjin raises a brow, and you know in that moment that they did indeed see you hovering outside the diner. You don’t have time to process the embarrassment that follows that realisation, though, before Namjoon begins speaking with a warm smile. 

“Don’t worry, you didn’t,” he informs you, eyes glimmering like he’s just happy to have you here. It makes something painful throb in your chest. “And loosen up, would you? You’re sitting like you’re at a job interview.”

To your embarrassment, a brief internal examination of your posture tells you that he is right. Sheepishly, you allow the tension to drain from your body, leaning forward onto the table slightly. “Sorry,” you mumble, offering a smile. “Guess I’m just a bit wound up from being home. I forgot how chaotic it is here…”

To your surprise, Seokijn snorts; your fears that he was truly upset with you are dispelled somewhat as a lopsided grin tugs his plush lips, eyes meeting yours levelly.  “Tell me about it. My mother had my aunt and the cousins over when I got home. I haven’t felt as exhausted as I did after that night in, well, years.”

You don’t notice the smile Namjoon shoots to the man beside him when he first speaks, but you do notice when he lets out a laugh and beams so brightly that his eyes almost close and something you completely forgot about makes an appearance. His dimples have always been a weak spot of yours, and you’re slightly horrified to find that glimpsing them now has led to a skipped beat in your chest and a flutter in your stomach. 

It’s not looking very good for the state of your old feelings right now…

“You never unwind properly,” Namjoon says, somewhat chastising despite his playful tone. He doesn’t pursue it further, though. Instead, he turns to you with a soft smile. “So, y/n, how was college? If you have replaced us as best friends, I will never forgive you.”

You can’t help the laugh that tumbles from your throat at both his words and his face, Seokjin chuckling to himself in the corner. Still smiling, you tell him that no, you haven’t replaced them, and sort through the events of your first year for something they’d like to hear. 

Just like that, and definitely much easier and less stilted than you feared it would be, the three of you seem to sink back into something like the old dynamic you used to share, conversation beginning to flow and laughter beginning to tumble. There are some small differences, of course. Namjoon, who used to be much more clumsy and prone to blushing in his fluster, now seems to have come into his own and his presence commands your attention whenever he speaks or gestures, each movement sure and with confidence. While Seokjin used to be the more blatant joker between the three of you, now he seems to sit back a bit, observing conversation contentedly until he sees the perfect opportunity to chime in and elicit a few laughs. 

And then, there’s you.

Well, you suppose you haven’t changed all that much. When Ms. Cara comes around to take your order (amongst gushing about how grown up and handsome and beautiful the three of you look), you still order the same thing from the menu, go about eating it the same way (fries before burger, being sure to leave some so you can slip them under the bun), and feel the same butterflies running amok in your stomach as you did years ago. You know that you’ve changed a lot, an almost scary amount, but sitting here in this diner with the two men who used to be your best friends, you’re only realising just how much of you is the same.  

“I still don’t know how you can eat that,” Namjoon says, pausing in scarfing his own dessert down to judge you for yours. “You always used to get it— aren’t you sick of it?”

“Hey!” Seokjin intercepts, pointing his spoon at Namjoon. “The Fun Sized Sundae with the Triple Sauce Special is a respectable choice of dessert, and I won’t have you shaming it when you’re just sitting there with pudding and custard!”

You chuckle at Seokjin’s avid defence of your choice— the two of you were the only ones with a big enough sweet tooth to be able to combat the sugary monster that is your choice of dessert. He hadn’t braved it tonight, though, opting instead for apple pie.

“I actually haven’t had it since I was last here,” you say, without even thinking. Another spoonful is already on its way to your mouth as you continue, “It’s one of the things I missed most after I—”

You cut yourself off, realising your blunder too late. The looks in their eyes tell you they know what you were about to say. After I left. Ah, how could you forget? You’ve been here over an hour and this is the first time it’s crossed your mind since you entered. You left— you. Not them, but you.

Your appetite suddenly begins to fade, and you place your spoon down as gently as you can. It still tinks against the bowl, but does little to break the tension beginning to seep into the air.

You clear your throat, growing a little antsy in your seat. Even as you ask, you’re unable to meet their eyes, “Ah, what time is it? We— I got a little carried away…”

The question had mostly been to dispel some of the awkwardness, but Namjoon’s response had you shooting up ramrod straight. “It’s five-to-nine.”

“Oh, shoot,” you don’t even think about the words escaping your mouth, just that way more time had passed than you thought and if you stay any longer then you’re going to be bordering dangerously close on being late for your other very important commitment tonight. “I— I have to go. I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise how late it was.”

You hurry to gather your cardigan and purse, starting to shimmy out of the booth, when Seokjin speaks up, “Is everything alright? Where are you off to in such a rush? If you need, we can walk you—”

“No!” you burst, regret swallowing you moments later when you see how taken aback the two men are at your sudden rise in tone. “No, sorry, it’s okay. I just, um… I just have to pick up something, for Lisa’s party.”

“At nine o’clock at night?” Jin verifies, brows drawing down.

“Uh, yeah,” you say, voice small as you manage to finally get out of the booth and stand somewhat sheepishly at the end. “I’m so sorry, it was so lovely meeting you two again and catching up. I’ll, um… I’ll see you, at Lisa’s party.”

You barely allow them enough time to bid their own farewells before you’re turning on your heel and hightailing it out of there before one of them comes to their senses and offers to walk you again. 

You definitely do not need one of your old best friends walking you to the entrance of a club.

A fifteen minute cab ride is what you choose instead, and it isn’t long before you’re slipping into the building from the back entrance and dashing through the halls.

“FINALLY,” Mina erupts dramatically when she catches sight of you bursting into the dressing room, brows raising so high they almost meet her bangs. “I almost thought you were going to stand us up, Miss Luna.” 

Your eyes sweep over her form, alarm filling you at the fact she’s already mostly dressed, from her netted stockings to the many fluffy and feathery layers that she’ll be discarding on the stage tonight. She’s currently sitting at the dresser, putting the final touches on her makeup with small detail brushes.

“That lip colour is too orange,” you inform her, hastily rushing over to the chest that you know contains your outfit for tonight. Mina halts in her motions, staring at herself in the mirror for a long moment before she tilts her head back and lets out a loud, torturous groan.

“I knew it! Momo, you lied to me! I asked you if this colour was too orange or warm and you said—”

You shake your head, slinging the clothes you retrieved over your arm and making your way over to the screen in the corner to get changed. You feel a little bad for the girl currently on the receiving end of Mina’s whines, but on the other hand you’re now free to rush about and catch up to the rest of your co-performers. 

Within the next ten minutes you’re dressed and ready to go, dropping into a seat next to Mina and reaching to begin powdering your face.

From the tingle of excitement beginning to thrum in the air, you can only assume it won’t be long now before the show begins.

x   x   x   x 

Burlesque. It’s something that you know from experience, something you’d sadly gained before you grew more skilled at hiding your profession from the judging eyes of others, has some quite divided views and opinions. Despite how open-minded and liberal as your parents are, you know even they would struggle to come to terms with the fact that their beloved daughter had moved away for college and somehow come to perform in burlesque theatres on the side. 

You don’t even have a clear explanation as to how or why you’d ended up down this path, just that you had. Contrary to what a majority of the population would likely hope, you aren’t ashamed, and you don’t regret it. This is something you love, and you think part of the reason you had been so drawn to it in the first place was the promise of power nestled within a certain kind of anonymity.

Your act, after all, is a masquerade performed beneath the security of an intricate lace and silk colombina disguise.

When you’d first left, you’d felt… well, there wasn’t any other way to put it but rejected, and abandoned. You might have been the one that left, and it’s something you regret now, but at the time it was Namjoon and Jin who had grown distant from both each other and you. Coupled with their increasing popularity and the way their lives seemed to be picking up speed in the direction they’d always dreamed of, it made you realise that their world was getting a little too big for you, and in the scheme of their lives you no longer held a starring role.

So you’d packed up and moved away, and in the midst of your aimless moping in another city, you’d stumbled upon this… and from the first taste of empowerment it gave you in the wake of all you had been feeling, you quickly decided you weren’t going to be letting it go anytime soon. 

And now here you are; an act with such high regard and admiration that you had been called to perform it in other cities. It was a stroke of fortune that one of the stops was your own hometown, at the same time as your sister’s engagement party no less. You had wondered at the time what the catch had to be, and now, of course, you know.

It’s that in an instance of divinely aligned misfortune, the two people you’d planned to avoid indefinitely happened to be here as well.

It’s been a few days since the night you spent catching up with them, and there is enough distance between then and now for you to have calmed significantly when thinking about it. It had been kind of weird, sneaking away from the diner to come perform that night. Even though years have passed, you’re still so used to telling them everything whenever you see them, that holding something back feels foreign, and oddly enough… you feel a little guilty. The first excuse that comes to your mind in your defence is that  ‘they wouldn’t understand anyway’. You know that is baseless, though. Both of them have become popular and risen to fame not just because of their natural musical talent, but for the topics that their music so brazenly broaches.

The truth is that you know they wouldn’t judge you for anything you do, and you’re not quite sure why you’re so resistant to them knowing. The human mind is a mystery, and yours is no exception.

A slow, smooth saxophone melody brushes your ears, a lower note capturing your attention and bringing you back to the present moment. Amongst the faint tendrils of smoke that reach you from the seating area, an itch rises at your brow and you fight to contain it, not wanting to rub off the thin arch you’d drawn on so carefully earlier. It was always like this; you always got itchy before performing, for reasons unknown to you. One of your friends had theorised that it was due to nerves, or something similar. It drove your manager mad, because you’d ripped your costume pantyhose a few times while scratching your thighs in the past.

Mina’s act precedes yours, usually, and tonight isn’t any different. She’s good, and you can’t help but marvel as you watch her. Her movements are fluid, full of a certain zest and allure that mix into a single heady cocktail that has the crowd enraptured as she allows her skirts to drop ever so slowly with each smooth swing and sashay of her hips. When the ruffled fabric hits the floor there are hoots and whistles from the crowd, and Mina’s beaming face peeks over her shoulder to deliver a wink. The room eats it up.

It’s a special performance, tonight.

Due to confidentiality, none of the performers had been told exactly who was attending tonight, just that they were Very Important People, and they were to be shown the best performance they would ever see in their lives. It was an ambitious set of instructions, but you know that both yourself and the other girls in the show are some of the best in the business, so you aren’t too worried about meeting expectations. You plan to exceed them. 

You always put effort into your appearance, but tonight you admit that you did try the tiniest bit harder than usual. Your hair is pulled back from your face, twisted and pinned into curls at the top of your head; the rest of it you simply allowed to hang to its natural length and shape, though you took care to make sure it was soft and silky enough to gleam beneath the stage lights. At Mina’s insistence, you’d allowed her to pin a few small glittery ornaments amongst the curls, and as you peek out and see just how full the room is, you find yourself thanking her mentally. It’s the little details that really pull together a performance and hammer home the effect it has on the audience, and it looks like a full house tonight that you’re going to wow. Though, none of the faces seem to jump out at you so far— you still don’t know who tonights VIPs are. 

Even though tonight is meant to be a big, important night — as it had been emphasised to you so many times — you still find your thoughts wondering back to a certain two men and the reappearance of the feelings you’d once harboured for them. You’re conflicted, as anyone might expect of someone in your situation, but you can’t say you’re very fond of the feeling. Hence, despite your best efforts, your thoughts just keep coming back to your current predicament. Lisa’s party is tomorrow, and you know from yesterday’s visit to your home that your mother had already extended an enthusiastic invitation to both families on either side of the fence. So you know that there is absolutely no way that those two aren’t going to be there, since even if they hadn’t already expressed their intention of attending, their mother’s would drag them over by the ear.

You’re not sure why you’re still worrying about this. You already met and caught up with them! And it went well… or at least it did, until the topic of your abrupt disappearance from their lives was brought up. 

Perhaps that is why you’re so conflicted still. That is an issue that has yet to be resolved.

When you tune back in to the moment and catch your manager sending you a whithering look, you shake your head and decide to try and ground yourself so that you’re not off with the fairies by the time your cue to perform rolls around. You bring your gaze back to the stage, finding that in the time you spent in your own head, Mina had managed to strip down to just her shelf brassiere and the panties and baby blue garter belt with straps that stretched over her shapely thighs and attached to the top of her stockings.

You get lost in the moment, watching as the spotlight follows her across the stage and illuminates each small gesture she makes that draws the audience further and further under her spell. Her hair is perfectly curled and with each flick of her head and bat of her lashes, the strands slide over her shoulder and bounce against her back. As she reaches for her final garment to discard, it isn’t long before the light fades in tandem with the last note of her song, and the audience gets only the barest glimpse of Mina’s almost bare form before the stage is blanketed in darkness. Cheers and applause break the beat of silence that follows, and then Mina is hurriedly rushing past you, beaming with pride and holding most of her discarded skirts bunched up to her chest. Soon, the applause fades out, the hollers nonexistent, and the stage is cleared.

Now, it’s your turn to wrap the audience around your finger. 

Taking a deep breath and revelling in the light fluttering of your stomach that never seems to fade no matter how many shows you perform, you listen for the first few strumming notes of the song that accompanies your routine. When the low, bass riff of guitar finally brushes the air, you make your way slowly onto the stage and let yourself fall into the familiarity of the show.

It’s kind of ironic, you can’t help but think to yourself. Considering the events of this week, the song you’d chosen to tailor your routine to is kind of funny. For the first few years of their careers, you’d seen Namjoon and Seokjin simply go their separate ways. You thought that would be it, that your friendship had broken up for good, but to your complete and utter surprise, at the beginning of this year there had been a new record to grace the radio and enrapture young fans across the country. An unexpected collaboration between two of the biggest figureheads of the rock and rebellion movement that had started to sweep through the youth. 

When you had first heard the song, you’d done a double-take. It wasn’t anything like the rapid, upbeat rock that came to be synonymous with Seokjin’s name, or the heavier, laidback tune that usually accompanied Namjoon’s records. The beat that lay beneath the lyrics was sultry, deep and dark and made your heart skip a beat and your stomach dip. However when the lyrics registered in your mind, you’d had to fight the urge to cry. They weren’t strictly sad, per se, but to you… they had spoken a little deeper. It felt paranoid to think it, but a part of you had to wonder at how… targeted… the song had seemed to be—

Was it made... for you?

You wouldn’t be caught dead admitting it aloud to anyone or even yourself, but you liked to think so. It helped, when you found yourself missing them and yearning for the way things had been. It soothed the traitorous aching of a heart that didn’t seem to remember that the choice to leave hadn’t been theirs, but rather yours.

In the version that accompanies your performance, there are no vocals. Even so, the beat is easily recognisable and as it begins to play, an excited murmur sweeps through the crowd. Something about it is a little odd, but currently your back is turned to the audience, so you don’t get to investigate the feeling. Instead, you let each note that enters the air and brushes against your skin to soak into your being, closing your eyes for the barest second to centre yourself before you feel the heat of the lights begin to grace your skin, and you start to slowly swing your hips.

It is only instruments that brush your ears now, but you can hear the opening lines of the song so clearly in your head you can’t help but mouth them in time.

We're part of the moonlight, Ain't a fantasy...

Can't breathe in the sunlight, Gotta hide your heart...

Following the rise and fall of the beat, you turn your head over your shoulder to deliver a sly smile and a wink, moving your hips all the while— a round of catcalls and surprised murmurs results. You are the only one of the performers to wear a mask after all, so you’re not surprised by the response. Turning back around, your ease yourself into the familiar motions of your routine and let the song and atmosphere carry you away.

At any other time, you would probably find it funny how second nature stripping yourself of your clothes has become. The silky gown that drapes over your shoulders and ends in faux fur ruffles that trail across the floor is the first to go, revealing the entirety of your stocking-clad legs through a sheer petticoat, and the corset and cushioned bandeau that hides a sheer, cheekily embroidered bralette beneath. The audience eats the reveal right up and at the enthusiastic response, your chest swells with pride. You’re smiling, but with a flick of your wrist you snap open a fan and use it to cover the bottom half of your face, leaving only your eyes to peer out at the crowd from behind the mask. You’d discovered early on that a little bit of mystery keeps them intrigued a little longer.

You don’t pay much mind to the audience as individuals; more often than not, when you perform they become a faceless blur. But as your routine goes on and your body follows each sultry move to the beat, one item of clothing discarded after the other, you find yourself paying a little more attention than you usually would. 

It’s as the top part of your corset meets the floor and your sheer bralette is exposed that your eyes sweep over a certain portion of the room, and you realise very suddenly and abruptly who the guests of honour are tonight.

And you cannot believe the atrocity of your luck.

Two familiar faces return your gaze from the centre-back portion of the room, in one of the deluxe booths. It’s a wonder you can recognise them through the haze of smoke created by cigars and cigarettes, but you think that you’d be hard-pressed not to, at this point. Seokjin and Namjoon sit back comfortably in the booth with two unfamiliar men on either side of them, their eyes lit with a certain kind of intrigue and focused solely on you. For a heartbeat, your chest feels so tight you can’t take in a breath, stomach fluttering. Just barely, you manage to maintain your face and stop yourself from stumbling in your routine. The beginning of panic begins to bubble beneath your lungs, but in a split-second it is stopped in its tracks as something seems to snap inside you and you come to a realisation.

You’re wearing a mask. They don’t know it’s you.

It strikes you again, the way they eyes are trained on your every move, and it knocks you breathless once more, though for a different reason this time. Exhilaration begins to course through you— you feel powerful. When you were with them the other day, the weight of the knowledge of your wrongs and your guilt held you on unequal ground. But now, here in the heady allure and smoky seduction in this room, you have them in the palm of your hands and the dynamic is switched, if only for a moment. 

With barely a moment having lapsed since your initial realisation, you slip right back into the next move in your dance, each shift of a limb accompanied with just that little bit more oomph than before. This is their song, the song you suspect they wrote for you, and since you don’t think you will ever be able to forget it, or them, you will make sure they won’t forget this.

One fluid movement leads to the next, the beat picking up ever so slightly as you bend, legs straight and behind pointed at the crowd, before easing your way back up and unclasping the hooks that keep your corset together. When it falls, you turn and bend once more, this time facing the audience so that they see it when you push your breasts together and wriggle your shoulders, a cheeky wink accompanying the resulting jiggle of your chest. 

More hoots and hollers, as expected of an audience that seems to completely consist of men tonight, and you’re pleased to see that the two guests of the hour aren’t completely unaffected either. Namjoon is leaning forward slightly, gaze intense, and Seokjin’s eyes have narrowed in focus as they follow you across the stage. 

Following each note in the song, you strut across the stage, and when there is a pause before it picks up once more, you drop to your knees and reach forward to the floor, arching your back with your behind to the audience again. Using the strength you’ve built in your thighs over the years, you slide one leg up and turn yourself around, using the momentum to slip into an abridged version of the splits. While in this position you bend backwards, one arm reaching back to unravel the ribbon that keeps your flimsy bralette up. When you feel it come loose, you bring your hands to each piece and make a faux-shocked expression, ever so slowly peeling the sheer fabric down and revelling in the way the room is watching with bated breath. 

Your breasts bounce as you yank the bralette all the way down, the tassels that were hidden beneath and keep the barest remainder of your dignity intact jiggling with the movement. Using the cheers that result as a distraction of sorts, you deftly remove the bralette with one hand and discard it slyly on the floor, bringing yourself out of the splits but moving to another position on your knees, sliding your legs apart. There are a few soft gasps and sharp inhales that echo from the front of the crowd, and you can tell from the way their eyes are focused on the inside of your thighs that they’ve glimpsed the pretty picture inked into your skin there. You don’t leave their gazes to wonder too long though, reaching up to pinch the dangling ornaments of your tassels and using them to lift your breasts. You ignore the low, pleasurable tingle that shoots through you at the sensation of tugging on your nipples, fighting to keep your legs open, and release the tassels from your grip. Your breasts bounce generously once more, cheers sounding across the room at the sight. You deliver a wink, before bringing yourself off of the floor in a fluid movement, hearing the final notes of the song beginning to play and a low, sexy saxophone drawl emerging to intertwine with the rest.

The end of your routine passes in a blur, your mind slipping into a haze as you simply move, barely aware of the way you dance and sashay across the stage. A feathery boa situated strategically to the side becomes incorporated in your final moves, allowing the audience peeks at what they can’t have and drawing them further and further in until the music hits a crescendo and with it, you fall into your final pose.

The last thing you see, as the lights begin to dim and the crowd erupts into applause, is the way Seokjin and Namjoon’s eyes are boring holes into you, transfixed on the place where your hip meets the inside of your thigh and the intricate depiction of a crescent moon and a rose that are inked into the skin there.

 x    x    x

 “...sweetheart? Is there a reason why you haven’t gone outside yet? Everyone is by the pool with those wonderful finger foods your Aunt brought with her!”

You startle at the sound of your mother’s voice, almost dropping the grape that had been en route to your mouth as you stared into nothing, rooted in place in the middle of the kitchen. The day of your sister’s engagement party has come, faster than you were able to prepare for, and now that you’re no longer on the stage staring down your two ex-best friends from behind a mask, you’ve lost a lot of your gall. In fact, it could even be argued that your spine had slipped right out of your body the second you stepped off the stage that night. It’s the early afternoon, and Namjoon and Seokjin have been here for about… perhaps half an hour. You don’t claim to be perfect, but the way you’ve been skulking about and hiding in the kitchen is pathetic even to you. 

It’s just… how do you face them after that? They’ve technically seen you almost completely in the nude! If your grandmother ever caught wind of the fact that a man had seen you without clothes then she’d marry you off immediately— not to mention if she ever found out Seokjin and Namjoon, of all men, had seen you like that, she would have an absolute field day!

It was bordering on disheartening, but at this point, even after all this time, you’re pretty sure most of your family loves those two more than they love you.

“I, um… just wanted some grapes?” you blink, offering a sheepish smile that you hope your mother doesn’t find suspicious. That is quickly shot down when you see her brow raise and her bright cherry lips quirk to the side, eyes flicking to the empty glass by the grapes that reeks of gin. What can you say, you thought downing a glass would help you cope, but you’d been wrong. 

“Uhuh…” Your mother says, folding her arms and leaning her hip against the bench; the fullness of her skirt swishes behind her in an echo of the movement. “Well, now that you’ve eaten half of the vine, maybe go outside? Mrs Kim has been asking where you are, I think she missed you almost as much as we did.”

Your brows furrow, “Wait, which Mrs K—”

“Off you go, sweetheart!” 

You don’t even get to finish whatever you were saying because your mother moves into the kitchen solely to chase you out of it. You drag your feet as she herds you out— or at least, you do before she reaches for the kitchen towel by the oven and starts twisting it.

“I’m going!” you promptly flee after grabbing a handful of grapes to-go, holding up a proverbial white flag. Your mother is a little too good at turning mundane household items into a weapon. Now she’s put the fear of god back in you, you find yourself thinking that it’s no wonder your father has always been so well-behaved compared to the stories some of your friends would tell you about their own parents.

It’s a beautiful day, really. It’s part of the reason you were annoyed at yourself for hiding inside, even if it was only for about half an hour. The sun is out, the sky is clear, and while the sunlight warms your skin there is a cool breeze every so often that keeps you from overheating. Some of your younger cousins are in the pool, and have probably been there since around ten minutes after they arrived an hour or so ago. You’d barely gotten a hug in greeting before they were off, the backyard pool held a little more favourably in their eyes for the moment than their own flesh and blood.

They’re cute, though, so you decide that perhaps just this once you will let them get away with it. You’re going to rain down a storm of kisses on them before they leave, though. No one ignores you for an inanimate object and gets away with it!

As you exit the house and step beneath the sun, the skin of your arms and lower legs warming instantly, you just barely manage to dodge as one of your cousins comes bolting past you, followed barely a second later by his mother, your aunt, who is hotter on his heels than you might have anticipated for a woman her age.

“Jackson! You better get back here with those patties, boy, or you’re gonna regret it!”

You know you shouldn’t laugh, because it will encourage the bad behaviour, but the sight is so funny you just can’t help the way you burst into giggles, shaking your head and turning in the direction of the large gazebo that is rooted by the pool and is currently sheltering most of the guests from the sun. A quick scan also reveals that the lady of the hour, your sister, is over there too. Your eyes narrow when they catch sight of the champagne glass in her hand; hopefully she’s forgotten any and all things you’ve told her in confidence recently, or else they’re about to become public knowledge.

“Ah, y/n, just a moment!” 

You pause in your steps, turning just in time to catch in your arms the plate of small pastries your mother shoves into your hold. 

“Wh—” you don’t get to question her, as she simply flashes you a bright grin and nods her head to the table. “Take these over there, will you? And make sure Jin and Joon get some, I made their favourite!”

And then she is off, shooting back into the house and leaving you on the grass. At the delicious smell that wafts up to your nose, you send a cursory look down at the plate and hum in recognition,ignoring the way your mouth salivates. Ah, these are their favourites. This plate probably won’t last very long when you bring it over there. 

You’re on your way once more, now with the plate of sweets in tow, and the closer to the gazebo you grow you catch the sound of the radio, on one of the channels most popular with the youth and playing one of Lisa’s favourite songs. She’s dancing, dragging her friend Rose with her, giggling like a madwoman as she does so. It brings a smile to your face without you even realising. 

“Oh, y/n! There you are! Where have you been? We thought you might have gotten lost!”

Your attention is drawn to the side of the gazebo closest to the pool, where a few people are lounging in the chairs there, beers and glasses with clear, bubbling contents that you can only assume is gin and tonic on the table and in hand. The older woman who called you over with such a teasing tone is Mrs Kim— well, one of them. Both the Kims are here, and you realise belatedly that of course, their sons are too. It was Seokjin’s mother that noticed you, and as you make your way over you see Namjoon’s mother next to her, and the two men in question in the lounging chairs opposite. They seem to light up at your arrival, and you try not to think about the way their reaction makes your stomach flutter. You aren’t here for them, you’re here for their mothers! 

“Sorry,” you apologise, leaning and placing the plate down on the small table in the middle of the seats. Straightening, you dust your hands against the patterned skirt you have buttoned over your matching swimsuit. “I did get a bit lost, there’s so many kids here right now I thought I might have turned up in the wrong house.”

Both women erupt into laughter at your words, and you take the opportunity to smile at Jin and Namjoon, offering a timid wave. They return it, before following your finger as it points to the plate and they realise you’ve brought them their favourite baked goods.

“Cinnamon scrolls!” Namjoon croons, material of his navy button-up creasing as he hastily leans forward to swipe one off the plate. “And they’re shaped like little fish, like she always used to do! I can’t believe your mother made them today.”

“Of course,” you say, snorting lightly. “She’d do anything for her two favourite sons. She made it because they’re your favourites.”

The two of them beam in pride at that, before proceeding to consume the plate of sweets.

“Ah, and she sent you too, sweet y/n! Our favourite daughter! And even more stunning than I remember, right Soo-ah?”

Seokjin’s mother, Jia, hastily reclaims the conversation and succeeds in making you flush pink at her words. Jisoo, Namjoon’s mother, instantly nods, her short curls bouncing with the action, and shoots you a devious grin. 

“It’s been so long since we saw you last, y/n. You didn’t get a husband while you were away, right? We still want you as our daughter-in-law, you know.”

This time it’s not only you that feels the embarrassment heat your cheeks— to your side, both men choke on the mouthful of scroll they’d been in the process of devouring, Seokjin’s face going bright red as he brings his fist to hit his chest and attempts to dislodge the pastry. Amongst his own struggling, Namjoon reaches to smack his friend on the back, clearing his own throat.

“Ah, no…” you say, awkward and smoothing your skirt to distract yourself; it feels like the eyes of the entire party are on you, despite the fact you know better. “I’ve just been focusing on school…”

“Oh, tell me, dear, do you still do those wonderful paintings? I still have that one you gifted me for my birthday before you left.”

Namjoon follows up on his mother’s question, shooting you a smile that somehow is a combination of both bashful and proud. It makes a dimple pop in his cheek. “She still has it displayed above the dining table, actually. She nearly killed me when I almost knocked it by accident a few days ago.”

Jisoo doesn’t even bat a lash, smiling at you brightly— though a bit drunkenly, if the almost-finished glass in her hand is anything to go by. You’re surprised— you know from all the dinner parties your three families held over the years that despite their petite stature and classy, ladylike countenance,  both Kim women can outdrink their husbands and your father. You wonder just how much they must have had already to have such silly grins on their faces.

“I do!” You answer, feeling your chest warm in affection. It was silly to have ever doubted it, but it made you feel somewhat eased to know that you haven’t lost your place in their lives despite your departure. “But, actually, while away I actually took up sculpting. I’ve been doing that a bit more…”

“Oh, are you talking about your works, sweetheart? Ah Jisoo, Jia— they’re absolutely wonderful! I have photos that she brought, here let me go get them—”

You feel heat flush to the tips of your ears, greeting the arrival of your mother with an embarrassed look. “Alright, let’s not bash ears about it—”

“Oh!” Jia and Jisoo perk up at your mother's exclamation, and you shrink into your seat as you watch her reach into one of the hidden pockets in her skirt and pull out a handful of small photos that you’d printed to show her. Your hubris seems to have come to nip you in the bottom. “I forgot I popped them in my pocket to show you earlier! Here, see— isn’t she just so talented? My baby girl must have been the absolute queen of her department.”

All three parents are oblivious to the way you’re shrinking into your seat in mortification, but Seokjin and Namjoon are anything but. They’re grinning at you, relishing in your discomfort much like they used to. 

“Hey, y/n, could you get us another drink? I’d go get it, but your mother actually told me earlier I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen until she’s finished with the pastries…”

You shoot him a grateful look, shooting to your feet and slipping out of the little seating area. “Yup, doing that! Getting drinks! Be right back, don’t wait up!”

Though you doubt any of the adults heard you, they didn’t wait anyway. In fact, in the time it took you to head into the kitchen and bring back three drinks on a tray, your mother has since downed her glass and has started on another topic of conversation. Thankfully, the victim is no longer you. 

“Oh, Namjoon, where are your peepers?!” Your mother gasps suddenly as you return, pointing at the man beside you. There’s the barest slur accenting her words, and you resign yourself here and now to a night of loose-lipped blabbering from both your sister and your mother. “I’m not goin’ crazy am I? You used to run into things all the time when you were a kid ‘cause you were blind as a bat!”

Namjoon winces, but Seokjin bursts into laughter. Glad for the conversational shift, you take one of the last remaining chairs and settle down, your own drink now in hand. Namjoon reaches for the refill you had brought him, using the opportunity to hide his face, and only when Jin has settled down does he manage to wipe his eyes and claim his own glass.

“I’m tryin’ out something new,” Namjoon answers after a hearty gulp, clearing his throat. He reaches to scratch the back of his neck bashfully. “Lenses, I think they’re called. They’re convenient, especially when I’m performing, but they’re expensive and so dang fragile I’m gonna need to take out insurance on them or somethin’.”

“Isn’t this your last set?” Seokjin queries knowingly, laughing as Namjoon grimaces. “Don’t worry, he’ll be back in the peepers you know and love by the end of the week. If he doesn’t break them, he loses them.”

You half expect Namjoon to be irked but he just sighs with a small smile, apparently having made peace by now with the clumsiness and two left feet that have haunted him since childhood.

Your mother decides to tease Namjoon a little more, before she changes the topic and starts gushing about their career, and how she can hardly go a day or two without hearing one of their songs on the radio. All three women are beaming with pride, and though slightly bashful about it you can see Namjoon and Seokjin’s chests swell slightly. 

Lisa, the star of today’s show, happens to walk by right when your mother is interrogating them about where they’ve chosen to settle down for the meantime, and eagerly joins the conversation.

“Ah, cool cats like you must be absolutely rolling in dough by now! How many mansions do you have already?” Lisa laughs, looking for a free seat and simply sitting on you when she doesn’t find one. She’s quite a bit heavier than you remember, and you feel your breath wheeze out of you at her abrupt drop onto your legs. 

“Unfortunately, none,” Namjoon laughs, gesturing to his mother, “Though, the pressure is on. I think ‘Ma wants a nice place to retire before my career is over.”

Jisoo takes a sip to hide her sheepish grin, crossing one leg over the other and smoothing her skirt afterwards. Seokjin lets out a soft chuckle before he turns to your mother and answers the question she’d asked earlier.

“We have a sweet pad back in the fat city, actually. We both were leanin’ to the same penthouse with the best view but in the end decided to compromise and split it.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” you mother exclaims, eyes alight. The last time she’d looked this excited was when you told her you were staying for the whole week. “It’s so good to hear that the two of you stuck together even though you’re such big news now!”

Guilt. You bring your glass to your mouth and take a large gulp in an effort to drown it, the tart fizz of gin and tonic barely disguising the familiar curl of guilt in your gut.  Perhaps if you ignore it, it will go away. 

“Oh, speaking of— that latest record the two of you released together, it really does razz my berries like nothin’ else!” Lisa gushes, throwing a hand out to wriggle her fingers for emphasis. “It’s real hip and different from all your other tracks. Trust you two to be settin’ trends!”

Starting to get slightly tipsy now from the generous downing of your drink, you can’t help how you chime in with little thought,  “Oh, I really do love that one. It’s perfect to dance to.”

“A dance?” Lisa queries, turning to pin you with a confused look over her shoulder. You realise your slip up in that moment, when you glance to the side and see both men looking at you with unreadable expressions.  “It’s a bit slow for a dance, I think.”

“You can dance to anything,” Namjoon swoops in and unknowingly saves you, shrugging nonchalantly. The expression that was present on his face earlier is gone now, but it takes a split second longer to fade from Seokjin’s features.

Sinking into your chair as much as you can with Lisa’s weight pinning your legs down, you bring the glass to your mouth once more. 

Slip-up aside, you can only hope it won’t be as difficult to get through this party as you thought. 

 x - x - x

The day has progressed nicely and as daylight begin to bleed into night, your father emerged to help man the barbecue and dinner was served —  it was a somewhat rowdy affair, given how much alcohol the party had consumed up until that point. After eating their fill, most of your relatives and small cousins went home — they have a strict bedtime to uphold, after all. You made good on your promise to smother the little ones in kisses as they left, and it was with pink cheeks and bright grins that they bid you farewell. 

It’s getting well into the night at this point, and only a few guests are left. Lisa is inside with a cluster of her friends and her fiance, your mother and the Kims are underneath the gazebo with their husbands— this has left you by the pool with Namjoon and Seokjin. They’d gotten a little bold earlier and when you’d teased them about something, you’d had an unceremonious reunion with the pool. It was startlingly similar to what occured right before your mother took that photo hanging in your room, and made an odd mixture of affection, nostalgia, and something a little bit bittersweet settle in your abdomen. 

Just as it had the other time you’d met with the two, any tension and awkwardness had quickly melted away as the evening progressed. A few drinks in your systems and anything and everything is now water under the bridge. All too easily the three of you had fallen back into the same comfortable, playful air that you’d always known—

That you’d missed so much.

You’re lounging now in one of the rubber duck-shaped floaties your mother bought recently (she’d made you blow it up, gushing all the while about what a bargain she’d gotten on it and the companion swan floatie). Your head is more than pleasantly fuzzy, and you decide as you finish this glass that perhaps you’re done drinking for the night. You kick your legs lazily, feeling the heavy material of your skirt swish in the water as you propel yourself around the pool. Normally, the skirt is meant to come off before you take a dip. However given the nature of your entry into the pool, you hadn’t exactly had an opportunity to discard it. 

“No, no— I remember it cleary— clearly.” Seokjin waves his hand, finger pointing at Namjoon— the man in question is cackling in the deep end, falling off the swan floatie that he was attempting to climb onto. Both men are at the point in the night where they are beginning to slur their words, and to be fair you’re not much different. You’d lost count of how many times either of them have slipped up in their words.  “It wasn’t me who fell and broke y/n’s coffee table. From what I remember, it was your buttocks that hit it.”

“But you pushed me!” Any attempts on Namjoon’s behalf to hide his grin and even pretend to be angry prove to be fruitless. He has the same dumb dimpled grin on his face that you remember from your teen years. “It was uncalled for, assault!”

“You!” Seokjin’s mouth drops open, his legs kicking in the pool in his outrage. Namjoon’s eyes almost disappear as he cackles, throwing his head back. It melds into the sounds of the festivities over by the gazebo, where the radio and Lisa’s own gleeful laughter echo into the night. “y/n can confirm, it was Joon, right?!”

You put your arms behind your head, pretending to lounge back on the floatie despite how tentative your position is on the slippery rubber. “I don’t recall, suddenly I can’t think.”

“Yah!”

Your jubilant laughter means that you don’t see it when Seokjin slips completely into the pool, diving beneath the water to where you’re lounging and coming up beneath you. A scream rips from your throat as you're flipped from the floatie, tumbling backwards and into the water with a hefty splash to boot.

When you come back up, gasping breaths above the surface turning into laughter, it takes a moment for realisation to reach you through the sluggish fog in your brain that your skirt has detached. Still laughing, you catch sight of it and reach for it where it’s floating across the pool, recognising the sound of the two males guffawing behind you. When you slip on the bottom of he pool for a moment and get water up your nose, you decide that perhaps it’s time for you to call it a night soon.

“Woah, bubs, are you okay?”

When you slip again, a strong arm catches around your waist like an iron bar, holding you to the surface. Blinking the water out of your lashes, you turn to see the owner; the breath is startled out of you as your gaze meet the dark depths of Seokjin’s own. His hair is still dripping, an inky wayward mess atop his head, and the t-shirt he’d donned as he first entered the pool so long ago is clinging to each line and plane of his body. 

For a moment, yearning and a feeling all too familiar takes up the space of your lungs, and you find that you can’t breathe. 

“I think… I think it’s time to call it a night,” you manage to say, a new kind of lightheadedness emerging to addle your thoughts. You turn, breaking the hold Seokjin’s gaze has on you to seek out the edge of the pool. You feel his eyes bore holes into you for a moment longer, before two hands come to grip your waist and he moves you through the water to the rim of the pool. 

“Probably for the best,” Seokjin says, grip tightening in a split-second of warning before he heaves you up and onto the brick that lines the poolside. Off-kilter and unexpecting of the movement as you were, you have to balance yourself with your legs, which almost end up smacking Seokjin in the side. Through your inebriation, you don’t realise the way your thighs have parted in the process, the detached skirt in your hand doing little to cover you where it is laying sopping wet on the brick.  

“You’re being almost as clumsy as—” You’re also so busy trying to quell the fluttering in your stomach and find your bearings you also don’t notice the way Seokjin’s eyes move unwittingly down your form, falling to your thigh at eye-level. “...Namjoon.”

You blink, eyes finally focusing but heartbeat still thrumming in your ears.

“I don’t know if I will ever be that clumsy,” you manage to say, as comprehensible as possible. Seokjin’s hands leave your waist as you stumble to your feet, wringing out your skirt before attempting to button the drenched garment back up above your hips. 

“Hey!”

At Namjoon’s outcry, you grin and bring your hand up in a wave. 

“I’ll see you guys later,” you drunkenly promise, completely forgetting that in a few days, you’ll be out of this town and out of their lives once more. “Goodnight, you two.”

They return the sentiment, and you grab a towel from one of the poolside chairs, wrapping it around yourself and making your way back in. You miss the way that their eyes follow you as you leave their sight and reenter the warmth and light of your home.

x - x - x - x

The night has drawn to a close, and the two men have long since climbed from the pool and dried off with the fluffy towels your mother so generously laid out for them before she got too tispy. A sharp look from their own mothers reminded them earlier that there are still plates to clear and things to tidy, so despite being guests they do their best amongst the alcohol-induced fog clouding their minds to help clean up the aftermath of Lisa’s engagement party. 

As they do so, the same thing is true for both of them: there is a lot on their minds.

Seokjin had to turn to Namjoon earlier to confirm what he’d seen, and when he saw the man in question already looking at him with wide eyes, he knew he hadn’t just drunkenly imagined it. They both saw it, the glimpse of a strikingly familiar picture peeking from the inside of your thigh. They’d seen that very same tattoo in the very same place just a few nights ago, only last time the owner had remained a masked mystery. Now, they’d glimpsed the same image on the body of their childhood friend, the girl they’d both fallen in love with and subsequently drifted apart over only years ago because they were young and jealous and stupid. But, things are different now; they’re now only two of those things, and after they made up over a year ago their friendship is stronger than ever, in… more ways than one.

But despite how much has changed over the years, there is still one thing that has remained constant; and that is their feelings for you.

Truthfully, after not seeing you for so long, they had started to think perhaps they were finally getting over you. Impossible as it had seemed, considering how smitten they were. A cold realisation washed over them the second they saw you again, though, that those feelings hadn’t disappeared like they had suspected, but simply remained dormant. Seeing you at the diner and finally getting to catch up after being apart so long, missing you so much, had pretty much cemented that. When they’d returned to their hotel room after, they didn’t need to say a word and only shared a look to know they had both come to the same conclusion.

They were both irrevocably, pathetically, undoubtedly still in love with you, even after all these years. 

Then had come the show.

It was the reason they’d returned to this town, technically. An important friend of theirs had invited them both to celebrate the success of their latest record and talk about future opportunities; the location happened to be a club currently hosting a highly regarded burlesque set. They’d felt the second the final masked performer had come on stage that there was something odd, something special about her. She had used their song, on her thigh had been a tattoo that tickled something in the back of their minds, and there was something in the way she moved that had been so jarringly familiar, but neither had been able to pin where they had seen her before.

Until tonight, that is.

It hadn’t been an intentional reveal on your part, but there on your thigh had been the exact same tattoo they’d glimpsed in the club, and they’d known the second they saw it that it wasn’t a common design. At first, on the night, Seokjin thought that it might have struck them because it was drawn similarly to how you always used to doodle moons on all of your schoolbooks, and now it all made sense. 

The only thing left to consider is, what do they do now that they know?

“Oh, my boys— my precious, helpful, lovely boys!”

The two men turn in tandem, easily catching sight of your mother as she stumbles her way over to them. They were in the process of moving some of the plates to the kitchen before they heard her drunken cooing, and Seokjin finds himself thanking the heavens they’d put them down quickly because in the next second your mother is throwing her arms around them and they’re being yanked down to her height from the sheer strength of her grip.

“I missed you two, we all missed you two,” she blubbers, hugging them close like she’s worried they might slip away into the night the second she loosens her hold. A second shy of suffocating them, she finally releases her grip, and they straighten with warm faces. Namjoon knows without even having to check that he’s got a real goofy grin on his mug right now. 

“We missed you too,” Seokjin says, and he means it. Your family and Namjoon’s family are both pretty much his own at this point, and he’d found himself missing every single member while he was away. Each time he returned home, he was sure to visit the other two houses at the end of the cul-de-sac, though the times he’d been able to actually make his way back to his home town were unfortunately few and far between. The same is the case for Namjoon, as he knows, except likely a bit worse since he knows Namjoon has always been a real Mummy’s boy.

“But I doubt it was as much as we missed you!” Your mother argues, and it makes both men smile. The next few words to escape her mouth knock the expression straight off their faces, though.  “y/n especially. Oh, I remember she was so heartbroken when you three started growing apart. I think part of the reason she left was to get away from it. The way she used to talk about you boys…” Her gaze slips to the side, eyes slightly hazy in recollection. “I thought for sure that she was going to end up marrying one of you.”

They don’t even get a good second to unpack that, before the haze leaves your mother’s eyes and she is giggling, leaning forward with a cheeky glint in her eyes that they know for sure they’ve seen in your own. She brings her hand up to shield her mouth as she whispers in a voice that is not at all as quiet as she likely thinks it is, “It’s a bit improper, but I think she used to like both of you.”

Namjoon chokes on his own spit, and Seokjin’s mouth falls slack. “What?”

Your mother merely giggles, leaning back and spinning on her heel. “Thank you so much for your help, boys, but you ought to be on your way! Your mothers are about to head home and neither of them are walking in a very straight line.”

She halts, turning over her shoulder to shoot them a wide grin. “I’m glad you two came. Thank you.”

And then she is gone, and a blanket of silence falls over the kitchen. Seokjin and Namjoon turn their heads, locking gazes. 

Well, at least now they know what to do.

x — x — x

 You swear there is something odd in the air of the club this evening. 

It’s something subtle, and none of the other girls seem to have noticed it; they continue as always, tittering away in the dressing rooms and giggling amongst themselves when one of them makes a joke that probably shouldn’t be repeated outside the room. It’s the last night you will be performing here, and also the last night you will be staying. You were planning on making a quick visit home tomorrow morning to say farewell to your parents and congratulate your sister once more, before being on your way. You hadn’t decided yet whether you were going to go out of your way to track down Seokjin and Namjoon to say goodbye to them as well, but the idea of it… well, it sets your belly alight with nerves. You have no idea what you would say, and you know — you know— in your gut that doing it would revive the elephant in the room that you’ve all been ignoring up until now. 

But if you don’t, then you’ll be doing the exact same thing you did last time, and this time around you don’t know if you’ll get their forgiveness, let alone deserve it. 

By this point in the evening, you’ve already slipped into your costume and powdered your face. Since you wear a mask while on stage, you don’t really need to apply any heavy makeup around your brows and eyes; you usually settle for accentuating them naturally. 

Mina has disappeared since you last saw her, which is odd since she usually lingers to talk your ear off about any handsome faces she might spy in the crowd as the room beyond the stage begins to fill. You’d started to look for her earlier, seeking a distraction from the depressing inner monologue you have running, but hadn’t managed to find her. This means that for the past half hour or so you’ve been left to your own devices, fiddling with different parts of your dress and costume like a child twiddling their thumbs in the principal’s office. Part of that time, you spend trying to ignore the events of last night and any feelings that may have resurfaced as a result of your return to this town. For the rest of it, you attempt to think about what you’re going to do tomorrow when the rapidly-approaching hour comes when you have to leave again. God, where on earth did Mina get off to? You’re going insane here.

Oddly enough, it’s her that finds you a few minutes before the show is set to start. By this point, it’s a wonder you haven’t torn your hair out of it’s meticulous styling.

“Where did you pop off to?” you ask her before she even has a chance to say hello. She raises her brows, laughing at your rapid questioning. 

“Big boss wanted me for something,” she supplies, cocking her hip and resting a hand there. “Actually, I was asked to pass on a message to you.”

The confusion must be evident on your face, because Mina is quick to wave her hand. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad— though it is a bit odd. He just asked me to tell you to meet him in one of the private rooms in the VVIP section. I think it was the very last one…?”

That is odd, considering she’d apparently just come from meeting him. Private shows aren’t something you do, so you can’t think of a reason why the big boss would ask you to meet him there. 

“Huh, ok. So soon before the show…?” you ask, just to be sure. You don’t have your mask on you right now, so you need to calculate how long it’s going to take you to return and get it. Mina shrugs, nodding. 

“I suppose so. Don’t worry,” she smiles, something indecipherable yet oddly devious entering her gaze. “You won’t be there long enough to mess anything up. The show will go on, Miss Luna.”

You could almost swear there is something hidden in her words, but don’t have the time or the thought to dwell on it. Instead you return her smile and turn to be on your way; the VVIP rooms are on the other side of the establishment, and you don’t want to keep the big boss waiting. You’d only met him once, the owner of this club, and he didn’t strike you as anything in particular. The only thing you’d thought to note is that he smoked perhaps a few too many cigars, because his office was almost always filled with curling, coiling smoke that leaked into the hall  each time you moved past. But he was quite mild-mannered and polite as far as men in this business go, so you’re not particularly concerned for your wellbeing as you make your way to meet him.

It takes a little longer than anticipated, since you ran into one of your co-performers and they cornered you for help with their outfit, but finally you’re arriving in the second-floor wing that houses the VVIP rooms. Instantly, it’s evident where you are. The carpet is a little more plush, the wallpaper a little more maintained, and the hall decorated a little nicer than the rest of the place. Spotting the room on the end, you make your way down there and knock on the door thrice before grasping the handle and easing it open.

“Mr. Leigh? What did you want to t—”

The rest of your sentence dies in your throat before it even has a chance to reach the tip of your tongue, feet freezing mid-step as your eyes fall upon the occupants of the room. For once, you don’t have any sort of instinct that kicks in to save you; you simply stand and stare with wide eyes.

“Took you long enough, bubs.” Seokjin straightens from where he had been leaning back against the plush crimson leather of the circular lounge. “We were beginning to think you weren’t going to show.”

A myriad of thoughts suddenly flood the blank space in your brain, all in contention with each other. Oh no, they’ve seen you— no, you have a mask, they don’t know who you are— no, you don’t have your mask—

Dressed in your performing attire and standing before Seokjin and Namjoon, in one of the VVIP rooms in the club where they attended your show, you aren’t a faceless dancer. You’re y/n, and it feels like they can see every single bit of you there is to see.

You don’t even know where to begin.

“I…” You attempt to say something, anything, but your tongue has suddenly turned to lead in a pact with your stomach, sinking down and refusing to dance for your words.

It takes you a moment to realise as you watch them straighten, but neither of them look surprised. It leads you to believe that somehow they figured it out on their own, though you have no idea how. You don’t really have the presence of mind to ask them right now, either. In fact, it could even be argued that you’re almost panicking.

“We have a lot to talk about,” Namjoon speaks up, offering you a smile that holds neither judgement nor disdain. “We wanted to catch you before you inevitably skipped town without saying goodbye.”

That stung, just as much as the guilt that struck you for the truth of his words. You’d been contemplating it, leaning towards it even, but suddenly you feel you have to defend yourself. 

“I hadn’t decided that yet,” you say quietly. You let the door fall shut behind you, silently acquiescing to the unspoken demand weighing heavy in the air.

“Don’t lie.”

Your eyes shoot even wider, if possible, at the sound of Seokjin of all people snapping at you. His tone was sharp, and you half expect him to look furious, but when your eyes flick to his face it gives nothing away. When he continues in the next second, though, you see it in the depths of his eyes. Hurt.

“We used to tell each other everything, back then.” It could have been a trick of your mind, but you swear you heard his voice break slightly. “I don’t want that to change. So no lies tonight, y/n. We’re going to talk as adults, openly and honestly.”

For reasons beyond you, something about the promise woven through his tone makes you nervous. A tremor fights to shudder its way down your spine; for a moment, you feel akin to a small, cornered forest animal, even though they are the ones sitting against a wall and you are in the open. You don’t know what to say. 

Namjoon steps in, saving you from fumbling for a response as he always seems to do. “You don’t have to stand there, ready to bolt, you know. You can come sit down.”

You shake your head, suddenly recalling your commitments outside this room and feeling relief flood you at the realisation that you have an excuse to remove yourself from this situation you’d tried so hard to avoid. “I can’t. I have to go p—”

“We already talked it over with your boss, he was happy to take you out of the performance tonight. It’s okay, the others know too.”

You deflate, looking at Namjoon with a sinking feeling in your stomach. He doesn’t hold your attention all that long, though, before the sound of Seokjin’s voice brings your gaze to him once more.

“Why did you leave? Without even saying goodbye, or telling us where you went?” You feel rooted to the spot, pinned first by the weight of Seokjin’s gaze and then his words as they slam into you, unfiltered. 

“Hyung.” You think you hear Namjoon murmur softly, giving the man next to him a pointed look. Seokjin is unphased, looking at you expectantly, “Be honest.”

It’s just as panic begins to seep into the bottom of your lungs that anger sparks and sets it alight, transmuting it to something red and hot in your chest. 

“You want me to be honest?” you ask, heat beginning to colour your voice and sharpen the tip of your tongue. “I left because of you— both of you. I don’t know if something happened between you or if I just wasn’t enough, or you felt I was holding you back, but you drew away and you left me. You both left me before I ever left you.”

You see it the second your words enter the air like a whip, the hurt and guilt slipping across their features. Anger bubbles in your throat, stings your eyes, and urges you to let loose everything else rising to the tip of your tongue, “I left because I couldn’t handle the pain of my two best friends slowly easing themselves from my life, like— like I was old news. Like I no longer had a place in that shiny, brand new world they’d stepped into.”

More rushes to escape, feelings kept bottled up tight for three years suddenly flooding forth with the force of a tidal wave, but you bite it down, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath that rattles through your chest. When you’re sure you have a firmer grasp on your emotions, you allow yourself to speak once more. “If an apology is what you want, then I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. I’m sorry for my part in hurting you. But you… the two of you hurt me, too. You meant the world to me and when you pulled away you made me feel like nothing.”

Your eyes remain closed, teeth sinking into your bottom lip as you will yourself not to cry; silence sinks over the room, only broken as your ears adjust to the thin buzz of electricity thrumming through the walls. One moment, another-- you try and focus on breathing in, and breathing out.

“Something did happen between us, you know. We fought over you.”

Your head snaps up, eyes locking onto Namjoon. He stands, dusting his legs as he straightens and adjusts his jacket. Slowly, like he’s worried he will spook you, he begins to step closer. “I’m sorry, y/n. We never meant to hurt you, and didn’t realise the way our immaturity was hurting you, too. You took up such a big part of our lives, and after you left it was painfully empty… when we saw you again this week, it was the first time we’d felt whole in years.”

Stunned, you’re rooted to the spot and can only watch as he comes close enough to touch, hands reaching for your own; faintly, you register the sound of Seokjin getting up from the couch as well. When he reaches your side, you risk a glance to his face and are surprised by the soft, remorseful expression resting upon his handsome features. 

“I’m sorry, bubs, for hurting you.” He lifts a hand, the warmth of his palm cupping your cheek. “You are irreplaceable to us, and we will always want you as a part of our lives. No one meant as much to us as you did then, and no one means as much to us as you do now. The two of you are my world, and I know the same goes for Joon.”

There’s something different hiding in the depths of his tone that makes your heart patter faster against the confines of your chest, something in the way they share a look so full of something warm that your own cheeks heat in response. Both of them… with each other, too? 

 “Why are you saying this?” Now, you meant to tack on. Why is he saying this now?

Namjoon’s eyes are warm as they meet your own. “Because we should have said it three years ago. Plus… we got a tip from an anonymous source that our feelings aren’t as unrequited as we once thought.” 

You don’t even need to wonder who it was that could have exposed such a thing; your mother had been mysteriously avoidant of your gaze this morning, almost knocking a few things off the bench in the extent of her effort to evade meeting your eyes.

“If nothing else, please just tell us before you go,” Seokjin implores, voice a low murmur. “Whether it was true then, or....”

You have a feeling you know what he was going to say: or even now. You’d known it the second you glimpsed them back in this town that those feelings you’d harboured for years and years weren’t ever going away. Even seeing them a handful of times has made your heart ache with the revival of your love and the magnitude at which it had bloomed once more in the tender soil of your being. The words rush to the tip of your tongue, but even now when the two objects of your affection have all but confessed to you, fear barrs them from leaving your mouth. Because it’s not appropriate, a voice murmurs it’s familiar tune, It’s so unlikely— what if you are just reading too much into it and are mistaken?

Honesty, Seokjin had requested. You take a deep breath before admitting the words that will seal your fate, for better or for worse.

“I did love you, then,” you say, catching it as they both seem to tense. “I should have known better than to think those feelings would just go away.”

It takes a moment, but soon both men are erupting into bright grins. In his glee, Namjoon folds you into his arms, smacking a soft kiss to your forehead, your cheek, and finally your lips— the suddenness of the action brings a gasp to your lips, but you’re definitely not going to complain. Especially not when the way his mouth moves against yours lights something bright deep within you. 

You don’t get to enjoy the sensations for longer than a moment before Seokjin’s voice is parting the air, a completely different tone underlying his words than what you expect from seeing his stupid grin earlier.

“Ah-ah-ah, don’t think you’re off the hook just yet, little miss. “ You meet his gaze over Namjoon’s shoulder and a shudder shoots down your spine at the look in his eyes. “We have a lot of lost time to make up for, wouldn’t you say?” 

x - x 

Barely ten minutes and a private car ride filled with scandalous touches and even more scandalous noises later, you’re being pressed against the wall in the bedroom of the penthouse suite in the most expensive hotel your town has to offer. Namjoon’s mouth is on yours with a kiss so impassioned that it pulls the air from your lungs and the strength from your knees; you don’t even realise that the lights hadn’t already been on when you entered and it was Jin responsible for illuminating your path into the suite.

A part of you expects some internal resistance — it had been three years since you’d last seen them, before this week — but instead you’re simply overwhelmed with how right it feels. Soft, fluttery warmth like sun rays on a winter’s morning fills you up to the brim, the feeling so foreign you’re worried your heart might actually burst. 

Namjoon’s hands come to your hips, pressing them to the wall before sliding up to the dip of your waist. He isn’t overly bold in the way he moves his mouth against yours, but it makes a whine build in your chest nonetheless. A part of you disagrees with it, and when you recall that you’re still here dressed in the costume that usually gives you the power over men, you push back and turn the two of you around. 

When his own back meets the wall, the softest gasp escapes Namjoon’s mouth and you swallow it down, your hands coming to cup his jaw. You take the lead in the kiss and he doesn’t put up a fight, grip tightening on your sides as he holds you closer. 

“Ah-ah, bubs.”

An unwitting squeak escapes you as two large hands find purchase on your waist and you’re pulled apart from the man panting against the wall. You blink and before you know it Seokjin has you falling onto something so plush and soft you know immediately it’s a bed. Your eyes are quick to find Seokjin’s, and the raven-haired male shoots you a stern look that is only contradicted by the heady mixture of affection and lust in his gaze.

“You don’t get to call the shots tonight,” he informs you simply, striding closer to where you’re laying on the bed and tugging on the string that holds your silken gown together. It’s designed to come undone, and so it’s no surprise that at the lightest pull the silk is sliding off your body, revealing the outfit you’d paraded on the stage before them barely a few nights ago. Faintly, you register the bed dipping behind you, but your attention is otherwise occupied when Seokjin reaches for the bedside table and retrieves something long and black. 

“Her wrists?” Namjoon asks, unknowingly answering the question you had forming in your head. Seokjin nods, tossing the tie  to him. Your gown is slipped from your shoulders completely, sheer petticoat ruffling as you’re scooted backwards until you feel the firmness of Namjoon’s chest against your back and Seokjin is sliding between your legs, in the midst of unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Do you know what you did to us when we saw you that night?” Seokjin asks, voice smooth as honey. It’s a struggle to remain focused on his words when Namjoon brings your hands together in front of you where you’re propped against him, beginning to bind them a little too expertly with the tie Seokjin had passed him. Your heart beats a little faster, thighs trembling as heady anticipation whirls within you. “What you do to us?”

“Just seeing you was already dangerous enough,” Namjoon murmurs, husky tone brushing the shell of your ear. “But you danced to our song, the song we wrote for you. It’s like you knew what it would do to us…”

It makes something swell in your chest, the confirmation that they had written that song for you. You catch something fond flick through Seokjin’s gaze before he tuts, shaking his head. He pushes your now-tied hands up and over your head, back until you feel the side of your thumbs grazing the back of Namjoon’s neck. Lips brush your neck, eliciting a shiver that Seokjin eagerly drinks in. Long, deft fingers work to undo the top part of your corset, the cushioned bandeau, and slip it from your form. You can visibly see it as his eyes darken, drinking in the sheer bralette barely supporting your breasts. You also know the second he glimpses the tassels pressed beneath, because his teeth sink into his lip and he takes in a sharp breath. 

Namjoon’s wandering hands come to trace the underside of your chest, breath catching in your throat when he takes their weight into his hold and kneads. Warmth shoots to your core, the hints of pleasure curling your toes. You feel breathless as they work in easy tandem, Seokjin slipping your petticoat over your legs and Namjoon removing your bralette. You shiver once your chest is bare, not from the cold but from the intensity and the weight of their gazes as you feel them fall upon you. 

“Leave her corset,” Seokjin instructs, flicking one of your tassels and eliciting a yelp. He settles back further between your legs, wrapping his arms around your thighs; his gazes falls upon the tattoo on the inside of your leg and the corner of his lips curls up. 

The plush of his lips presses against the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, the sensation tingling along your nerves. He doesn’t comment on the picture, but when his mouth touches where it is inked into your skin you feel your heart skip a beat nonetheless. 

Your mind is pulled from the sensation of fingers slipping beneath the edge of your panties when Namjoon’s fingers play with the tassels attached to your nipples, tugging and pulling and eliciting all sorts of heady sensations that make your thighs shake. “Joon,” you breathe, something else resting on the tip of your tongue only to be replaced with a whine when Namjoon pulls a little harder, soft open-mouthed kisses pressed to the sensitive column of your neck.

It’s like all of your nerves are alight at once, each touch and brush of their skin against yours heightened and making your heart race and your breath come a little quicker. Seokijn quickly slips your panties off, but leaves the pantyhose and garter belt. His eyes drag a trail of heat up your body, halting where Namjoon has begun to suck marks onto your neck like an artist decorating a canvas. For a moment he is mesmerised, and you can’t help the words that slip from your lips.

“You like what you see?” You ask, curving your back ever so slightly to emphasise your position. Seokjin pins you with an unreadable look, jaw ticking for a moment. 

“Very much so,” he answers, pulling away from you for a moment. He reaches behind him, retrieving something you hadn’t even noticed before now, and when you realise what it is he has in his hand you feel your stomach simultaneously drop and flip in excitement. His eyes meet yours for a moment, an unspoken question whether what he is about to do is okay, and had it been anyone else you know you would have refused, but you trust him. You trust them. You offer him a small nod and you receive the smallest smile in return before he is bringing the camera up to his eye and lining up his shot. 

Flash. Click. The camera isn’t as bulky as you’re used to, and you figure it must be one of the newer models you are far too poor to afford. One picture seems to be enough for him for now, but you know as he places it well to the side that it won’t be the only appearance it makes tonight. 

“Just in case you decide to fly the coop on us again,” he says, a sly look on his face. You scoff, knowing that he’s joking, and hold up your hands, still bound. 

“Like this? Not likely.”

He chuckles, and you feel Namjoon’s chest rumble with a soft laugh against your back as well. The lighthearted moment is over as quick as it arrives as Seokjin settles back between your legs and hardly waits for you to orient yourself before dipping his head down and delivering a broad swipe of his tongue up your slit.

“F— Jin!” you yelp at the sudden shock of pleasure, wriggling in Namjoon’s arms slightly; he nips at your skin in light reprimand, and Seokjin lifts his head only for a moment to scold you with a cheeky gleam in his eyes.

“Careful now, bubs,” he cautions, delivering a small kitten lick to your clit between utterances. “We might have the penthouse but there are still people below us.”

Surprisingly— or perhaps unsurprisingly, when taking the rest of your life and profession into account — the idea of being heard has the opposite effect on you than one might expect. You bite your lip, tipping your head back as Namjoon’s fingers begin to play with you once more and Seokjin begins to bury his face between your legs in earnest. 

It gives you a bit of whiplash, when you think about it; you don’t think you ever would have expected to end up here, in this situation. Crushes or no crushes, you hadn’t even expected to see them again let alone become the meat in a famous musician sandwich. 

It’s almost shameful how quickly the heat and pressure builds within you, Namjoon managing to tug the tassels off completely to roll your flushed buds between his fingers. The noises that sound from Seokjin’s ministrations between your legs are so downright lewd you can feel your face flush with heat, your thighs trembling either side of his head. You attempt to keep your own moans and whines in until Seokjin delivers a smack to your thigh and sends you a warning look. 

Just when you think you might be about to reach your peak, Seokjin stops, pulling back and licking your cream from his lips. The look you send him must be devastated, because he looks absolutely smug. 

“Now, this isn’t just about you,” Seokjin says, carding a hand through his hair before he finishes undoing his shirt and slips it from his form. Your breath catches at the sight of his sculpted torso, and the ink that decorates it in pretty splotches of imagery. You feel so ridiculously naughty, finding the tattoos on him as attractive as you do, and you’re aware of the irony but you just can’t help it. Seokjin could manage to make a potato sack look good. “Hasn’t Joonie been good? Been making you feel so good, with nothing in return? I think we should pay him back.”

It’s all the warning you get before you’re flipped over, braced on your elbows and knees. There is rustling before something plush is slipped beneath you, and Seokjin lowers you down between Namjoon’s legs with the pillow propping your hips up for him to continue where he left off.

Dazed from the sudden shift and beginning to lose yourself to the feeling as Seokjin returns his mouth to your soaked centre, you tilt to meet Namjoon’s dark gaze and offer him a brief smile. You can’t deny, the angle you’re viewing him from is nice, especially as he wrangles his shirt off and you catch glimpses of firm abs and chest. Namjoon, too, has decorated his skin, and it’s somewhat ridiculous how viscerally you’re reacting to it but you really think you might be about to drool. 

The pleasure quickly beginning to build in you once more from Seokjin’s plush lips and agile tongue leaves you no room for pleasantries, “Can I suck you off, Joonie?”

You hear his breath catch before he tips his head back and lets out a soft groan. “Do you even have to ask?”

His response only fuels your eagerness, mouth beginning to feel empty when your face is so close to his crotch you can feel the heat of his body. Considering the state of your hands, Namjoon makes quick work of his belt and slacks for you, shimmying them down with his briefs just enough to let his member spring free, almost completely hard at this point. 

“Holy shoot, Joon,” you curse, eyes wide with a mixture of shock and lust. God, you don’t think you’ve ever wanted anyone as much as you want these two men.  Namjoon shoots you a cheeky, if somewhat dazed, smile that makes his dimples pop out.

“It’s not just me you have to worry about.”

Well that’s a condemning statement if you ever did hear one, considering how you’re hoping this night will go. One of the more open and liberal girls that worked the show with you had once said “god gave me two holes for a reason, girls!” and right now you find you couldn’t agree more. 

You’re sick of your mouth being empty, you decide, and so you forego further foreplay and simply reach for his cock, taking the length into your hands and promptly enveloping his tip in the heat of your mouth.

“Fuck!” Namjoon swears loudly, thighs tensing against your shoulders. The yelp that escapes you as Seokjin smacks your ass melts into a moan that elicits a throaty noise from Namjoon, as well. 

You press and drag your tongue along the underside of his length, gradually working your mouth lower and lower until your nose is brushing the dark patch of curls across his pubic bone, a surprisingly pleasant mixture of musk melding with his cologne and brushing your senses . Even without the pleasure flooding your nerves from Seokjin’s tongue and the way he latches his lips around your clit, the deep, throaty noises tumbling from Namjoon’s mouth are reward enough. Since your hands are bound, your mouth has to do most of the work; when you sink down enough that his tip bumps the back of your throat, you do your best to fight your gag reflex from kicking in fully. 

Namjoon swears once more, just barely stopping himself before it gets too reminiscent of a sailor’s vocabulary. The sensation of your throat constricting around the head of his member makes his hips twitch and buck up ever so slightly, his hands winding into the hair at the nape of your neck. Struggling to keep on task through the haze in your mind, you do your best to build up a rhythm that has Namjoon’s abdomen trembling from the effort of keeping his hips still.

In tandem, the two of you seem to be rapidly approaching your highs— unfortunately for you, that same attention to detail that makes Jin’s ministrations so mind-numbingly good is what alerts him to that fact. Right when you feel yourself tense up in the prelude to your orgasm, Seokjin rips his mouth away, the bed shifting behind you. “Not yet, bubs.”

You can’t help the whine that sounds from your throat, the vibrations making Namjoon jerk.

“Fuck, I’m—”

Flash. Click. 

Another whine, different in tone this time, escapes you at the knowledge that Seokjin has added another filthy memory to his collection. 

“Joonie, you better not cum until I say so. y/n, off.”

Namjoons nails scratch lightly against your scalp, almost making your eyes roll back as he whines lowly in protest. You know you should listen and do as Seokjin says, but you can’t help but push a little, taking your sweet time as you pull your mouth slowly from Namjoon’s length, sucking all the while. The noises that tumble from Namjoon’s mouth as a result are incriminating enough, and even though you knew Seokjin wasn’t going to let it slide it still comes as a surprise when there is a sharp, painful smack against the globe of your ass. It’s hard enough and loud enough that your back arches slightly, mouth leaving Namjoon with a pop so you’re free to cry out. 

“Jin!”

Seokjin’s hand is cool against the smarting flesh of your behind as he rubs soothingly over it, raising an eyebrow as you meet his gaze over your shoulder. “I told you off, bubs. Let’s not make me repeat myself.”

Somewhat petulant despite the giddy butterflies in the pit of your stomach, you allow him to grab you by the hips and yank you back with a pout, breathless with anticipation when you feel his fingers drag over the dips and curves of your body as though mapping them out. He makes you sit up, your back against his chest as he explores your front, drinking in each gasp and whine as he pinches and tugs your nipples and rolls them between the pads of his fingers. Down, down, down he goes— when his finger drags along your slit and slips over your swollen clit you cry out, unable to help the unwitting buck of your hips. 

“After all the effort I went to to clean you up, you’ve gone and made a mess again,” Seokjin murmurs, pillowy lips brushing the edge of your ear. You quiver in his hold as he rolls a lazy circle around your bud, thighs threatening to close around his hand. You’re suddenly aware of how empty you feel, surprised that you’ve almost orgasmed twice without even being penetrated. 

You try and cant your hips up, not above whining and begging at this point— if he denies you your high one more time you just might go insane. “Please, Jin, please—”

Namjoon, who had taken a moment to recover after almost blowing his load earlier, shifts forward on the bed to join the two of you. His lips find your neck, your jaw, until they finally meet your lips once more and he swallows your sinful noises down. 

“What, you want more? You want my fingers? Look at you. You want to be filled so badly you’re willing to rock against anything with a pulse...”

Heat flushes up your neck to your cheeks, Namjoon’s kiss muffling your whine; you hadn’t thought you would be one to fancy this sort of thing, but if the wetness gushing forth at his words is anything to go by then apparently you do. 

Namjoon parts from your lips, waiting until your eyes focus on him so that he can hold your gaze. “Baby girl,” he murmurs, voice rough. His hand slips down to join Seokjin’s, finger dipping ever so slightly into your slit. The true meaning of his question isn’t lost on you.  “Who do you want?”

You feel almost unhinged with how much raw, restless desire is coursing through you right now— you couldn’t have stopped your answer even if you’d wanted to. “Both… both of you…”

There is a moment of silence following your response, but you don’t have time to wonder whether you said the wrong thing. In the next second Seokjin is swearing lowly under his breath, pressing his lips to your throat to hide his groan.

“Joonie, bedside table. You’ll have to prepare her.”

You’ve never seen Namjoon move as fast as he did the second Seokjin spoke, flying from the bed; he’s back within seconds after retrieving something from the drawers to the side, placing them on the covers. A small rectangular tin and a slim bottle. 

When he sits, waiting eagerly with his cock still flushed and hard and bobbing from the movement, Seokjin turns you around in an abridged version of the way you were before. Taking note of the uncomfortable angle of your arms, he undoes the tie, but doesn’t discard it after slipping it from the reddened skin of your wrists.

With your ass now pointed in Namjoon’s direction, it isn’t long before his hands find purchase and your most intimate area is revealed to him.

“Fuck,” he swears, “You’re so wet, baby. We might not even need the extra help, hyung.”

“Use it just in case,” Seokjin instructs, before turning his attention to you. “Now, if you want to cum later I think you should earn it now, hm?”

Your hands were already moving towards his belt and fly before he’d started talking, but his words renew your vigour. When you free Seokjin’s crotch from the confines of his slacks and briefs, you quickly understand just what Namjoon meant earlier. Namjoon has length, but Seokjin is thick. You wrap your hands around him and can’t help but marvel at his size— you’re a little ashamed of how excited it makes you.

“Ah!” Your plans to engulf Seokjin’s cock in the heat of your mouth are interrupted by a sensation at your rear. You wiggle slightly, unable to help it. “That’s cold!”

Namjoon places a featherlight kiss to your cheek, thick, slippery finger beginning to ease into your hole now that it is sufficiently lubricated. Suddenly aware that your attention is in the wrong place, you do your best to hurry back to what you were doing before you earn yourself another smack. 

“Perfect, bubs.” The groan that rumbles from Seokjin’s throat in praise is so raspy and low that it makes a shiver roll down your spine. As teasingly as you dare, you’re suckling around the flushed head of his cock, feeling it twitch and throb in your hands in response. It’s already a tight fit in your mouth, you can feel your thighs quaking in anticipation as you imagine what it would feel like filling you up. The thought takes you by surprise.

Since when did you start thinking like such a wanton whore?!

Well, you suppose, there is no time like the present. 

Seokjin’s hand threads through your hair, his hips rocking ever so slightly; you watch the way the muscles in his abdomen undulate at the movement and fight to keep your saliva in your mouth as you begin to bob your head down his length. Considering his girth, it’s hard to keep your teeth tucked behind your lips, but you somehow manage; when the time comes that he reaches your throat you’re in a better condition than you were earlier for it, but it’s still a bit of a shock to the system.

“Oh my god,” Seokjin’s thighs quake for the slightest second against you. “Fuck. No wonder Joonie almost blew his load. Look at you. You do this often, huh? Look how well you swallow my cock…”

You moan around him, his words and the oddly pleasant sensation of Namjoon working his fingers in and out of your asshole melding into a pool of heat in your abdomen.  Your eyes flutter closed as you try to focus on making Seokjin feel good, and you’re only distracted by a muted flash behind your eyelids.

Click.

Another shot saved. You take Seokjin further into your mouth, trying to go as far back as you can without gagging. He doesn’t seem to mind the way your throat constricts around his length though, if the noises escaping his plush lips where they part are anything to go by. Namjoon gradually adds one finger after another, making sure you’re accustomed to the stretch at least a little before the next joins. By the time he has squeezed in three fingers and scissored them a few times, you find yourself shaking a bit from the sensations. It’s odd, different to what you’re used to, but oh even with the light burn that accompanies each finger it still feels so good. 

You’re so focused on the sensations that you don’t even realise the attention you’ve been giving Seokjin has strayed, lips sucking a little harder and your hand stroking a little tighter. The salty taste of precum coats your tongue and you have half a mind to be ashamed of the way it makes you long for more. It proves to be a little too much for Seokjin at once, though. His hand tightens in your hair, pulling you gently off of him as he struggles to catch his breath.

“Not yet, bubs,” he says, voice rough. His eyes are like magnetic pools as they draw you into their depths, their hold only broken when Namjoon slips a final finger in and you shut your eyes on instinct, mouth dropping open at the sensation. 

“Are you ready, baby?” 

Namjoon’s voice makes your stomach flip, his free hand smoothing over the curve of your ass. You find yourself nodding before you even have the thought to do so, and with that Namjoon shifts on the bed behind you. Seokjin helps you move backwards, your eyes trained on his length somewhat longingly. There is the sound of something tearing softly behind you and you find yourself thankful that they took the initiative and you don’t have to ask them about protection.

You’re moved so that you’re straddling Namjoon’s hips with your back to him, still facing Seokjin. The two of them have since discarded their slacks and briefs  and are now presenting themselves in all their naked glory. Namjoon mutters a tender warning, informing you it might burn a bit, and you’ve heard of that but aren’t about to turn tail when you also know it’s going to feel so good after. You feel his tip press against your ass, alarmingly bigger than his fingers, and Seokjin helps ease you down slowly, inch by inch, with a firm grasp on your hips. 

True to the warning you’d received, it does burn; Namjoon had made sure there was more than enough lubrication for an easy glide, though, and by the time he has seated himself fully in you, you’re making noises you don’t think you ever have before. The line between heady pleasure and light pain is so blurred that you’re worried you might have fried your nerves at some point tonight. 

“Oh—” you take in a shuddering breath, shifting your hips ever so slightly and moaning in tandem with the man beneath you. “Joon…”

“Ride him,” Seokjin instructs, hands leaving your hips to reach for his camera once more. “Let’s make him feel good, hm?”

Who are you to say no? 

You pride yourself on having a lot of strength in your limbs, thighs especially, but still they tremble as you roll your hips up until just the tip of Namjoon’s cock remains in you, and then ease back onto him again. It takes a second before you realise the low moan you hear is coming from you, mind so addled with pleasure at this point you almost feel like you’re floating. Bracing yourself on your thighs, you do your best to set a rhythm and maintain it, ignoring the fatigue of your muscles and focusing on how good it feels and the noises tumbling from the man beneath you. 

When there is a sly touch against your swollen clit, you cry out loudly— Namjoon almost shouts at the way you clench around him, his hands flying to your hips to hold you in place for a moment. You look to Seokjin with wide eyes, panting slightly.

“Didn’t you wanna cum so badly, earlier?” he queries, fingers slipping down to slide through the slick mess around your entrance. You moan as he easily sinks two fingers in, pumping lightly. “Don’t stop, fuck yourself on my fingers, bubs.”

It feels so good you think you might tear up; obediently, you resume the pace you set earlier, now riding both Namjoon’s length and Seokjin’s digits. Each time you sink down he curls them, and you don’t know how much longer you can keep this out before your legs become too akin to  jelly to support you.

The answer is: not much longer. Seokjin quickly grows tired of it when your movements slow, thighs trembling from the effort. With a hand to your stomach he pushes you back, shifting your legs so they’re folded with your feet flat against the covers. You scramble for purchase, Namjoon quickly supporting you from behind. 

Seokjin tuts, muttering playfully about having to do everything himself, and it’s all the warning you get before he adds another digit and begins to finger your sopping entrance so hard and good that for a moment your vision goes white.

“S-Seokjin!” you drop your head back, nails sinking into the bedding as he begins to curl his fingers into that delicious spot inside of you with each pump. You had been slowly but steadily climbing back up to the precipice of your orgasm earlier, but now you’re heading there at breakneck speed. Before you know it the coil of pressure is snapping inside you and you’re shaking, pleasure numbing your limbs and making you whine.

By the time your high fades and you tune back in to the moment, you quickly become aware of two things— one, that you’ve somehow managed to coat Seokjin’s whole arm in your fluids, and two, that Namjoon has gone so tense and still beneath you that you think you might have almost killed him.

“Good girl,” Seokjin praises, sucking your cream off the tip of his fingers before wiping the remaining excess on your thigh so he can reach for his own rubber. “Do you need me to wait another moment?”

Assessing your current state, you find yourself shaking your head. You might have thought you would be too sensitive to continue, but Namjoon is still fully seated in your ass and now your pussy feels too empty for you to bear. Seokjin is only too happy to fill that void. 

Nestled between your legs, when he lines his cock up at your entrance and begins to slide in, you all but lose the ability to think. You clench unintentionally from the sensation of being filled so completely, making both men groan and Seokjin halt in his movements. He waits until you relax again before continuing his motion. 

When both men are fully sheathed inside you, you think this really might be what bliss is. Soft, panting whines and moans tumble freely from your throat as Seokjin pushes your thighs to your chest and begins to set a mind-numbing pace. It’s borderline brutal, the way he slams into you and splits you open so hard and good; each time his hips hit home you feel your whole body jostle.

“You can move, Joonie,” Seokjin somehow manages to articulate, sweat beginning to bead across his forehead and dampen the strands falling over it. You don’t know how he can talk, because you know if you tried at this moment you’d likely end up biting off your tongue. 

You feel Namjoon shake his head, hair brushing the space between your shoulder blades. “‘m close,” he mumbles in explanation, a short moan following his words. “Wanna cum together.”

It’s such a sweet desire in the midst of such a lewd situation that you almost get whiplash between the swelling of your heart and the pleasurable ache filling your insides. You feel that he will get his wish soon, because despite your recent high you’re already well on your way to reaching it again— Seokjin’s hips have begun to stutter, too, and you know he isn’t far behind. 

It all reaches its peak when Seokjin slips his hand down, following the angle of your hip bone to your core and rolling your bud with his thumb. It proves to be too much for you, because in the next moment you’re letting out a loud train of expletives and clenching tightly around them as pleasure floods your system once more, mind absolutely blank. The tightness of your heat around them is their undoing and barely a moment after you reach your high they follow suit, the sounds tumbling from them borderline sinful against your ears. 

It takes a bit longer for you to come back to earth, this time. By the time you do, Namjoon is winding his arms around your waist and rolling to the side, taking you and Seokjin with him. You let out a noise of surprise that curls into a laugh, hands gripping his arms as you hit the bed; both men are still inside you, and while you secretly wish it could stay that way for a bit longer, you know you should probably clean up. 

“No,” Namjoon says before you even go to move, a pout in his tone as he buries his face in the back of your neck. Seokjin nestles closer, pressing his lips to the hollow of your throat. “Stay, just a bit longer.”

That’s a dangerous request, especially considering the way your eyelids are beginning to feel heavy after the events of the night. For them, too, you can hear the way their breathing has already begun to even out. You couldn’t be mad if you tried, though, because just being here in their arms feels so right that you don’t ever want to feel anything else. 

“I guess we can nap…” you say, sounding tired enough that it elicits a chuckle from Seokjin. You let your eyes close, nestling your cheek against the top of Seokjin’s head and enjoying the light scent of his shampoo and cologne. You let out one last warning before you let yourself fall into the abyss, though. Just so they know who’s boss.

“If I see those photos anywhere near my house, Seokjin, it won’t just be me getting disowned.”

The laughter that tumbles forth in response just adds to the warmth flooding your being, and you let yourself relax, contented and truly happy for the first time in three years. 

[dibs4ever]

What I never knew I wanted

Barbara Gordon wasn’t like other girls

Many people would agree to that without question

Barbara Gordon never thought about being a mom or wife. She never dreamed or urned for that like most females do.

Instead of carrying around baby dolls and playing house as a young child she was carrying around a plastic badge and wearing a costumed police uniform pretending to be a cop everywhere she went.

Her dad would say “Sweetie don’t you want Santa to bring you a baby doll?” To which she would respond with “No daddy, I want a police scanner.”

He had sighed but Santa did indeed bring her desired gift

Then she became Batgirl. The vigilant life was definitely not one that favored family life

Dinah had informed her that due to injures and excessive stress on her body over the years getting pregnant could be impossible

Most women would be devastated

She just shrugged and said “Oh well.” It wasn’t that she hated children she just wasn’t particularly fond of them.

Dick though he loved kids, when Dinah told him the same thing he didn’t say anything....but she knew he was a little sad. As teenagers whenever they saved kids he was the one who’d cheer them up by doing tricks or telling them a joke or something along those lines. But he just like her accepted his likely fate

That’s why it was so odd for her to be where she was now

Laying on the couch of the house she lived in with Dick.

He bought it soon after he came back. Saying his son deserved to grow up in a home.

So here she was lying back on the couch, her knees bent up, her 8-month-old son rested between them.

She never imagined she could love someone so much but she did. She loved her son more than words could describe

When she thought Dick was dead, he was the one who got her through it

When everything in the world seemed evil after her patrol as Batgirl she’d come home to his beautiful smiling face. Nathan Wayne Grayson was the light of her world.....along with another Grayson male that she was particularly fond of. Barbara was surprised how quickly she adapted to motherhood

She wasn’t even going to keep him. Being a single mom when you weren’t even sure if you wanted to be a mom, to begin with. It didn’t seem logical to keep the baby. But one look at those baby blues and dark locks of hair and there was no way she was giving up her little piece of Dick Grayson. It was in that moment as she lay in the medical bed after a 9 hour delivery- nonmedicated by the way. That she realized the only person she’d ever want a child by was Dick Grayson.

When Dick came back “from the dead” he insisted that they raise their son in a home together even if they weren’t together. She figured he was right. They owed it to both their son and themselves not to miss out on his life.

The whole friends living together and raising the baby they made, platonically lasted a whole 6 months before they jumped from being just friends to being engaged...which didn’t surprise anyone.

She glanced down at the engagement ring Dick had placed on her hand 2 months ago and smiled. It was simple. Sure he could’ve gotten her something much larger and extravagant but he knew her. He knew she didn’t like flashy. It was his mother’s ring. Barbara thought there wasn’t a more beautiful ring he could have given her. She was pulled out of her thoughts by a high-pitched squeal followed by little feet kicking her quickly against her abdomen.

She smiled at him, “I know you’re still here Nate. Mommy was just thinking about everything that lead up to you. Yeah, do you know how special you are? Do you know how loved you are” she cooed

Nathan let out a squeal his little feet kicking faster in excitement, his blue eyes shinning

The door dinged indicating someone was entering the house “Who could that be?”

Nathan tilted his head

“Could it be...Daddy?” She said poking his belly, earning a gummy grin

The said person entered the living room “There are my two favorite people” Dick chimed. He shrugged off his BCPD coat as he entered the room

Barbara shifted sitting up and the couch and Dick took a seat in the space beside her

Nathan started kicking his feet excitedly letting out all sorts of noises to implement his joy in seeing his dad.

Dick kissed Barbara’s temple before she passed him the baby.

A wide smile decorated Dick’s face, Barbara sat back and admired the two together “Hey there Chavo, did you and mommy have a good day?” He asked

Barbara nodded “Yes, say when mommy had a break from work we went and had lunch with Grandpa Gordon at the police station.”

“Is that so?” Dick moved the baby to his lap

Barbara nodded a smile on her lips “Remember that one front desk lady who’s been there forever?”

Dick nodded “The one who always scolded us for being too loud as kids?”

Barbara smiled nodding her head “Anyways, she was holding Nate, who was getting fussy cause he was hungry. She kept insisting to feed him even after I explained he doesn’t take a bottle from very many people. So I eventually gave in and ....Nate spit up all over her.”

Dick chuckled

“I told her he only will take a bottle from three people otherwise he’s exclusive.” Barbara shrugged

Dick lifted his son up so he was facing him “That's right, say ‘In this house, we love mommy’s boobs Huh?” Dick cooed causing a giggle from the baby. “Oh those cute nose freckles I need to kiss them all” he pulled the baby to him and started kissing all along Nathan’s nose. The baby to let out a big belly laugh.

Barbara couldn’t help but giggle too

Dick set Nathan down on the ground. The two parents watched their 8 months old slowly walk further away towards some toys on the ground

“Can’t believe our 8-month-old has been walking independently for 2 weeks now.” Dick smiled “I mean 7 and a half months is kinda advanced isn’t it?” He questioned

Barbara nodded” According to what I read it is” she shrugged “Then again he does have the balance and agility of Grayson blood”

Dick leaned over kissing Barbara’s shoulder “And the smarts of a Gordon.” He tilted his head placing a soft kiss on her neck, giving it a slight suck before moving his head to whisper in her ear “Maybe later Daddy can kiss all of mommy’s freckles?” He buried his head in her neck

Barbara hummed reaching up and threading her fingers through his hair “Are you trying to seduce me, Mr.Grayson?”

He smirked, picking his head up “Only if it’s working Mrs.Grayson.” He winked

Barbara let out a laugh “Not for another 2 months” she reminded

A wide smile grew across his face “I can’t wait”

She brought her other hand to the back of his head so she could pull him into a long kiss. “Me neither”

[imarvelatthesight]

Spar

A/N: I’m trying to branch out to more Marvel characters :) let me know if I should start adding a fic summary

Summary: Reader fights Thor on Saakar.

Pairing: Thor Odinson x Avenger!Reader

Pronouns Used: Gender Neutral (They/Them)

Recommended Song: Tia Tamera by Doja Cat ft. Rico Nasty

Word Count: 1,578

Warnings: fighting, one mention of blood, reader has super strength and partial magical abilities, mention of alcohol, swearing, it’s kinda sad in places

   The day you had been brought to Sakaar had been possibly the worst day of your life. And that was truly saying something. Being in a relationship with a god-- never mind the fact that he was also an Avenger-- was a trick in itself. Trying to have a good relationship with his adopted brother? Well, that’s how you ended up in this mess. Get caught snooping around his room once and suddenly you’re on a different planet.

Your clothes were uncomfortably tight and the decorative paint on your face had you dying to itch it. Every week for the past two years you’d suffered this same treatment. Though, the fact that you had survived your rounds in the pit meant you were treated more well-off than others. A nice room, any alcoholic drink you could wish for (but because you were from Earth, more than a couple of sips would have you off your ass in moments). Even with all of your so-called luxuries, you felt empty. Why had no one come to rescue you? Did the Avengers even notice you were gone?

The door opening in front of you interrupted your thoughts. There was no time to think about anything else other than trying to survive. The roar of the crowd above you had your ears nearly ringing. “My champion!” You heard The Grandmaster announce. You burst out into the area, the crowd seemingly getting even louder. Before you had time to revel in the applause, one of the few advantages of your predicament, your eyes settled on your opponent. “Oh shit.”

“Yes!” The god of thunder boomed, excitement covering his face. Silence befell the crowd. Your features softened for a moment, happy to see your lover. You knew, however, you would not be able to express it. If you showed any fondness for each other it would surely compromise your life. “They’re my lover!” He threw his hand in the air, swinging his weapon up with it. “This is great, Y/N! I’ve been looking for you- Loki’s alive. Loki!” 

Your eyes snapped up to the god of mischief. You scowled. You could faintly see him gulp and mouth something. “Thor.” You turned back to him, leaning forward slightly. “If we don’t fight, they’ll kill us both.” 

“Nonsense, come with me and we’ll go-” Thor’s words were cut off by you grabbing him and flinging him away from you. His body slid through the dirt, a pained groan leaving him. The stands erupted with joy at the battle beginning. Thor jumped to his feet, brushing himself off. “Love, this is embarrassing! I told them we’re lovers!”

His words made you hesitate. You didn’t want to hurt Thor. But you couldn’t risk both of you dying. Someone would figure something out. Hopefully. You raised your hand and Thor’s weapon flew out of his grip, finding it’s home in your palm. The mace was in your hand for a fraction of a second before you flung it back at your partner.  Your eyes clamped shut, not wishing to see if it struck him. After a few seconds you opened them and watched as Thor caught the mace and swung it back in your direction. Quickly, you raised your hands in an attempt to catch it again, but the tip of the mace nicked your cheek. You dropped the weapon, your thumb sliding over the wound to collect the blood from it. 

Your feet carried your body with agility as you leapt through the air. Thor threw a swift punch to your abdomen, throwing your frame into the wall where it dented from the force you landed with. Fuck, that hurt. A collective gasp filled the arena. 

The sound of quick footprints coming closer caused you to groan and assume a pleading position with your hand outstretched in front of your face. “Y/N, sweetheart?” You lifted your head, watching as Thor crouched to your level and extended a hand to you. “It’s alright. I won’t hurt you anymore. No one will.” The god of thunder cooed. Timidly, you reached out to him. “There you go, c’mere darling.” He smiled and pulled you into a hug, practically purring.

You melted into the contact. You were home. Anywhere with Thor was home. But part of you couldn’t resist looking up to where The Grandmaster sat. A frown soured his expression, Loki bouncing his leg at the opposite end of the couch. “Shit.” You whispered, though your Asgardian boyfriend didn’t notice as he placed a tender kiss to your forehead. The crowd was growing restless. Reluctantly, you pulled out of his hold. You grabbed his biceps, mentally admiring the way the muscle rippled under your touch, and lifted him in the air--using both your strength and your magic to assist-- before slamming him into the ground again. 

Your fists found purchase on his face, tears filling your eyes and a scream tearing through your throat. To the crowd, it was a war cry. To you, a plea of mercy to whatever higher being was listening, and a shriek of forgiveness from Thor. The god laid there, your punches landing blow after blow on his cheeks. Within moments, his body and eyes flowed with electricity, and he returned your action, the lightning launching your body into the air and backwards, where your head made contact with the loose dirt. 

Both astonishment and horror ebbed through you at the sight of Thor, covered in lightning, walking in your direction with purpose. You thought to do the same move you’d tried previously and leap at him. Only this time, he copied your movement and delivered an uppercut to your jaw. The sonic boom that erupted from Thor’s fist had your ears feel as if they were bleeding. Luckily, you’d managed to gather your bearings and land in a three-point stance. As Thor paced toward you, blue flashes decorating his muscles and dancing from his fingertips, he suddenly began to convulse and fell on his side. “Thor!” You cried, falling on your knees beside him. 

Your gaze shot to the large window again. The Grandmaster slid his finger back on a device and Thor stopped twitching. Of course. He couldn’t afford to lose. You stroked your lovers face. His hand covered yours. “My love, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t want to hurt you.”

He chuckled. “It was quite a fight you put up. I’m sure Tony would have liked to see.” 

“We’ll tell him when we get back to earth.” You muttered. As Thor went to speak again, he started shaking again, the veins on his face darkening. Mere seconds later, an electric jolt shot through you and your consciousness slipped away.

When you awoke, it was with panic. You recognized the room as the one you’d been forced to stay in for so long now. You groaned and attempted to roll over, being stopped by the weight of another person. Your breath hitched and you tried to move away, only for an arm to be wrapped around you and pulling you closer, a deep sigh escaping the person.

“My love.” Thor rasped out as you flipped over to face him. He playfully rubbed his beard against your jaw. His contentedness left as his hand gently grasped your face, his thumb moving over the scratch on your face. “Oh, Y/N. I wish this had never happened. I’m sorry it has taken me so long to find you.”

You turned your head and placed a kiss on his palm. “A few years is quite a long time.” You agreed.

“Years? You’ve only been gone for a week, dove.” He cocked an eyebrow at you. “Though according to Loki, time does move quite differently here.”

You rolled your eyes. “Ugh, Loki. That fool is the reason I’m here in the first place.” You snuggled into Thor’s chest and he pulled his arms tighter around you like you would disappear. “I want to go home, Thor. I want to listen to Steve complain, and I want to watch TV with Wanda, and I want out of these stupid devices-” You barely noticed the sobs leaving you as you tugged on the technology implanted on your neck.

Thor took your face in his hands. “We will get out of here, sweetheart. I will be sure of it. And Loki will right his wrongs, I swear it.” He kissed you softly. You nodded, silently acknowledging his words. “I love you, Y/N L/N.” Another kiss. “The light of my life.” Another. 

You held back a laugh in favor of burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Stop, you big sap. I love you, Thor Odinson.” You suddenly pulled away with wide eyes. Thor only smiled in confusion. “Valkyrie! She and I get along quite well, she’ll help us. I know it!”

Footsteps from down the hall had Thor scrambling out of the bed, standing politely with his hands folded. You rushed to the door, where Valkyrie nodded in you greeting. “Y/N. It was quite shocking to learn that you are romantically engaged with our lord of thunder here.” She motioned with her hand.

“It’s god of thunder, actually-”

“We must get to training, Y/N. You two can kiss it up later.” She looped her arm through yours. You cast a look over your shoulder at Thor, who gave you an enthusiastic thumbs up. 

“So, Val, I must discuss a proposition with you...”

“Does it involve drink?”

“It can.”

“I’m listening.”

[koumine]

Simeon x Lucifer feels are coming back around 🤍💖🖤 [LUMDS snippets] [OM!]

summary: snippet A - Simeon-and-Lucifer, a complementary pair, back in the Celestial Realm. // snippet B - Rekindling their friendship, not long after Simeon arrives in the Devildom.

tags: queerplatonic Simeon x Lucifer, fluff and a tiny bit of angst.

Notes: full fic (light up my darkest skies) coming ~someday~ and will be rated E. Other preview snippets from this fic can be found in my [masterlist]!

[rated G below] [WIP ZONE]

It goes like this: Already close friends, they grow even closer, start "living in each other's pockets", a human world phrase that Lilith picks up and teasingly bestows upon them. Lucifer's never sure who, but someone starts calling them Simeon-and-Lucifer, as though it's all one name, as though the two of them are one entity, and it spreads until all of the seraphs and quite a few of the lesser angels and even Michael himself are calling them that in lighthearted jest. "I think it's cute," Simeon says when Lucifer complains to him about it.

Lucifer sighs and shakes his head. "Of course you do." "Why don't you?" Simeon asks curiously, putting his hand over Lucifer's where it's tucked into Simeon's elbow. Lucifer thinks about it. "It's…" A pair of angels comes by on the garden path, so Simeon smiles and greets them, like he always does. "Simeon-and-Lucifer, greetings!" they say. "Hello, Edith-and-Anais!" Simeon says back, gently teasing, making the other two laugh. "Out for an evening constitutional? Oh, by the way --" he stops on the path, forcing Lucifer to stop with him. "Anais, how fares your sister?" "Much better, thank you, Simeon," Anais says warmly. "After you came to speak with her last week, she took your advice to heart and is feeling better and better with every day that passes." "That's wonderful!" Simeon says, radiant in his sincerity. "And Edith, you may need to remind me to finish that book -- I confess I keep getting distracted by other texts lately." "You mean you've been distracted by that new human world play that's been making the rounds," Edith teases, and Simeon laughs a little, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully. "I'll certainly remind you to finish that book, though," she says easily, "as I'd quite like to hear your opinion on it. However, hold onto it as long as you like." "Much appreciated, Edith," Simeon says warmly. "Have a good evening, you two." And he turns away to keep going down the path, towing Lucifer willingly along, like it's just that easy to engage and then disengage from a conversation, like the boundaries of it are just that obvious. Lucifer just nods at the other angels as they pass; they nod back, perfectly cordial but not warm. He really doesn't know how Simeon does it. "You were saying, Lucifer?" Simeon asks, a moment later. This is why Lucifer can never quite manage to be upset at Simeon interrupting their conversation to briefly socialize with others. He always, always picks back up where they left off, never losing the thread of their conversation. Sometimes the pause is even helpful, giving Lucifer time to think something over. "You and I are very different angels," Lucifer says, finally. "You're radiant and charming and charismatic. You know everyone --" "Not everyone," Simeon protests. "-- and everyone is always so pleased to speak with you." Lucifer shakes his head again. "We're very different, and yet they call us Simeon-and-Lucifer as though we're one and the same." "Hmm." Simeon looks at him thoughtfully. "You're right, we are quite different, though not in the ways that you imply," he says. "For you are also radiant, and charming, and you are thoughtful and industrious." "I see you don't think I'm charismatic," Lucifer notes dryly. "I wouldn't lie to you like that, Lucifer," Simeon says, holding a straight face for all of a second and a half before he laughs at his own joke, and Lucifer chuckles too in spite of himself. "In all seriousness, though," Simeon says, still smiling merrily, "everyone I know would love to converse with you as well. They just find you intimidating." Lucifer frowns. "I'm not intimidating." Simeon points his finger right in Lucifer's face. Lucifer blinks and tries to lean back out of range, but Simeon follows him with that accusatory finger until he can poke Lucifer right in the forehead. "Hey!" "That," Simeon says. "That frown right there, that's exactly why angels think you're intimidating." Lucifer starts to frown again, feels it happening, tries to stop it and smooth out his brow again, but it doesn't really work. Simeon laughs at him. "Oh, heavens, I wish you could see how ridiculous you look right now," he says, chortling. Lucifer gives up and scowls at him, which instantly feels more natural. Simeon smiles back, and Lucifer suddenly realizes that it's always been this way: him frowning, in frustration or consternation or just thoughtfulness, and Simeon smiling back.

"Okay, listen to me now, Lucy," Simeon says. "Simeon," Lucifer hisses, looking around the walled garden. Fortunately, there's no one around to overhear that ridiculous nickname. "Listen," Simeon insists, putting his hand on Lucifer's shoulder. "You and I are very different, Lucy, and that's why I love you. You're quiet and focused and proud, and I'm --" "A social butterfly, and easily distracted, and also proud," Lucifer puts in, to make Simeon roll his eyes. "-- so we complement each other," Simeon finishes. "Simeon-and-Lucifer. It's not that they think we're one and the same. No. We're two halves of a pair. Complementary." "Complementary," Lucifer repeats, thoughtfully. He keeps thinking about it, even after they walk on. Complementary, half of a whole, with Simeon being the matching other part. It sounds right. "Hey," he says, when they arrive at the bridge with the best evening view over the lake. Simeon turns and leans back against the railing while Lucifer rests his forearms on it beside him. "What is it?" Simeon asks, concern creasing his brow a little. It's Lucifer's turn to smile back at him. "I love you too, Sim." And the radiance of Simeon's beaming smile nearly blinds him.

---

It goes like this: “Can we be friends again?” Simeon asks bluntly, one day after a lecture on Rowa-period Devildom law. Lucifer has always appreciated directness; becoming a demon clearly hasn’t changed that. Lucifer pauses in the middle of holding the door for him. They’re the last two people in the classroom. “I -- yes,” Lucifer replies, blinking in surprise, then frowning. And that -- finally, that’s a look that Simeon knows how to read. “Did you think I wouldn’t want to?” Simeon asks, eyebrows going up. Lucifer pushes the door closed. He gives Simeon a long look. “Yes,” he says frankly. “We didn’t exactly part on good terms, if you recall.” Simeon laughs nervously, putting a hand to the side of his neck. In truth, he had almost forgotten, in a way. In the intervening eons, he had made a habit of boxing up the memory of that final altercation and hiding it away, to dwell on the fond memories instead. To wield them like shining shields against the intrusive thoughts that always tried to insist it’s your fault and you should have chosen differently and you’ve lost him forever. “I -- I recall,” he says weakly. Lucifer just keeps looking at him. So Simeon takes a deep breath, calls up his courage, and starts talking. He tells Lucifer everything, every thought of regret or sorrow or longing that he’s had since that last conversation in the Celestial Realm. He tells Lucifer everything he’s wanted to say to him in all those empty eons of being apart, everything he’s wanted to say to him in all these aching days of being near. He says I’m sorry (I don’t regret the part I played, but I’m sorry anyway). He says I missed you (I love you, I missed you). And then he says nothing when Lucifer raises a hand to stop him, his other hand over his mouth and his cheeks tingeing pink and his eyes bright and wet with something that could be joy or sorrow or both. And then Lucifer embraces him, and he says nothing at all because his breath is caught in his throat and his temple is pressed against Lucifer’s jaw and his nose is touching the high collar of Lucifer’s uniform shirt, and Lucifer is saying, “I missed you, too.”

enjoying my writing? read more -> [AO3] [masterlist]

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Not just a soft princess  - Azula x female reader imagine: Part Four

You are torn between your growing feelings for Azula and the fact you can’t forget all the harm she’s done in the past but if one place can help you think it’s the Ember Islands.

Part one here

Part two here

Part three here

Part five here

Part six here

Your POV

You arrived on the island early in the morning after travelling all night and you mind has been occupied by Azula the whole way. You’d liked a handful of girls before but none of them ever made you feel as excited and happy as Azula and that kiss....but you also couldn’t stop that surging guilt that followed every fond thought of Azula you had. She was the reason you were here and not in your city. You’d heard your people were fine but you couldn’t be sure. For all you knew Azula had laid waste to your city and spared the dai li and you just because you appealed to her. You didn’t believe that at all but every time she looked at you the thought flickered into the back of your mind and you were struggling to see anything else.

To make matters worse Azula was evidently still experiencing the bliss you had yesterday and was being coy and attentive to you. As the island came into view she appeared at your elbow smiling “it has only just occurred to me that all your clothes we brought are useless, here you cannot wear green as we are supposed to blend in”. “Ow...what will we do?”. Azula shrugged “I’ve sent a messenger hawk back to the palace asking them to send some clothes and I sent one ahead asking for some to be purchased for you until they arrive. All red of course” Azula smiled and looked at you waiting for a reaction. You knew she expected some playful banter like before but you just weren’t feeling it today. “Thanks” you nodded and you saw Azula hesitate, her smile fell away and you felt the familiar conflict rise. “I mean it, thank you” you smiled squeezing her hand before stepping away to go sit next to Ty lee. You saw the confused and almost hurt look on Azula’s face and had to look away...of all the times to be sent on a holiday together why did it have to be now?

As the day went on your resolve to stay away from Azula slipped further and further away. On the beach you watched amused as Azula complained about everything and noticed how adorable she looked when angry. Ty lee and Mai had abandoned the two of you so you were alone together and it was hard not to become swept up in your feelings. A guy had offered to help you lay out your towel and when you dismissed him abruptly Azula’s lazy smile made you feel weak. So you were already slipping and then Azula decided to show off her athletic side. You’d never played volleyball before so Azula said you could just watch. So you did just that and found yourself enjoying the show nicely. Azula was obliterating the competition and your jaw actually hung open as she kicked the ball so hard it caught fire before ripping through the net and sending the other team flying. You watched her, the net around her still smouldering and had to look away, you could’ve sworn she was doing it on purpose. You smiled admiring how happy she looked before that thought flickered in your mind again and you looked down with a heavy sigh.

Azula’s POV

Azula felt the thrill of her victory as she glowered over the other team informing them of their shame in case they didn’t already know. She was feeling good and confident. Something had been off with you all day but she’s noticed you watching her in the game so she knew your attraction to her was still there. However when she glanced back at you after the game was over she saw you weren’t even watching. You were tracing the sand a large worried frown on your face. Azula’s smile fell away as she watched you. What was upsetting you? Had her father done something? Zuko? You glanced up and as soon as you met Azula’s eye you looked away. So it was her Azula realised. She was the reason you were upset. Azula had no idea what she’d done and suddenly felt a surge of anger. How dare you be mad at her! After all she’d done to save your life, what could you possibly have against her? But as Azula’s heart continued to hammer she realised she wasn’t angry, not really, she was upset. She felt worried you didn’t like her anymore, embarrassed at the idea that like everyone else you’d realised she wasn’t good enough but overshadowing all of that was just a sinking sad feeling. She’d been ecstatic when you made the first move and actually went out of your way to show her you liked her. She’d felt excited and just joyously happy and then...then it all went away and Azula couldn’t figure out why. She didn’t know how she’d messed this up too but she knew it was her fault. It always was. 

Your POV

After the show on the beach you got invited to a party. You didn’t want to go but Ty lee insisted you had to and so you obediently agreed. You and Azula had by chance got stuck sharing a room and the tension in the air as you got ready was painful. Azula had evidently caught onto your caution and she had been off with you and everyone ever since. You hated thinking about how just a few hours ago she’d been blissfully happy and now she just looked blank. Her face was a mask and you couldn’t tell if she was holding back anger or sadness. Either one was bad but you hoped it was anger, the thought you’d made her sad...that hurt. 

You and Azula finished getting ready first and if sharing a room in tense silence wasn’t bad enough she caught you waiting by the door to leave. Azula came around the corner and you jumped as she spotted you. It would’ve been awkward for Azula to retreat and so instead she leant against the wall but kept her distance from you. “I guess we’re the first ones ready” you commented and Azula nodded “looks like it”. She tried to act unbothered and cold but you could tell it was an act, the fact she seemed unable to look you in the eye proved that. Unable to keep this up any longer you sighed “Azula I need to talk to you”. Azula immediately straightened and looked around to make sure nobody was around “no not here”. “But it’s important!” you tried but she shook her head “no y/n!”. You sighed and went to argue when the others appeared. “There you two are! You both said you didn’t want to go and you’re the first one’s ready! I bet you’re secretly excited aren’t you?” Ty lee asked and Azula rolled her eyes “I can assure you I am not” and she stormed past you out the front door. 

As soon as you got to the party Azula headed as far away from you as she could and you watched her with a sad look. “Has something happen with you two?” Mai asked and you quickly shook away your expression and smiled “no of course not, Ty lee want to get a drink with me?”. “Okay!” Ty lee agreed and you rushed off with her hoping the peppy acrobat would take your mind off Azula. 

Your plan failed. Ty lee was soon side-tracked by a swarm of men and you struggled not to show your contempt for them. They gradually worked you out from your spot next to Ty lee and you just accepted it, watching the party alone or more accurately watching Azula. The party wasn’t so big she could totally avoid you and so you’d gotten glimpses of her all night. Watching Azula pretend to be a normal teenager was oddly endearing. You watched her glare at anyone who passed her while also staring longingly at the happy teenagers. Her posture and expression got worse as time went on and you worked out she was having just as bad a time as you. You were contemplating going over to her when a man knocked into her. Azula had him twisted painfully against the wall, arm behind him in a tight lock, seconds later “you made me spill my drink you clumsy oaf!” she yelled. “Sorry” the boy babbled and she rolled her eyes in disgust before letting him go. The boy rushed away and Azula sighed “idiot”. Azula saw you smiling and her own eyes softened too. You thought she was going to smile too but she just ripped her eyes away from you and walked away. 

She went to the drinks to grab some napkins to clean the mess that boy had made. You saw her sigh as only one napkin was left and she angrily attempted to use the single one to mop herself up. You saw some on a nearby table and grabbed them going over. “Here” you offered. Azula glanced at them before looking away “i’m fine”. You sighed “Azula just take them...”. “I said i’m fine” Azula snapped and you ran a hand through your hair. “I know you’re angry at me but please can we just talk? Can you give my 5 minutes to just explain?”. “Fine” Azula said suddenly making you jump “but not here” and she took off for the front door rapidly. You rushed after her and followed her as she made her way outside. She found a place far enough away from the house and then spun on you “talk”.  Her tone was sharp and her body language intimidating but you weren’t scared or worried, just sad. "So you’ve probably noticed I’ve been off since we got here”. “That’s an understatement” Azula snapped “you practically flinch whenever i’m near you, you smile at me one moment and then can’t bare to even meet my eye the next” Azula spat “yes you’ve been off”. You sighed “I know I’ve been cold and I’m sorry I didn’t mean to....let me just start from the beginning”. 

"So after i kissed you, i was ecstatic because i really like you" you started and Azula looked away her cheeks slightly pink "but then i started thinking...what my nation would think. Was I betraying them by liking you? You’re kind and nice to me but are you like that to everyone else? I started worrying I didn’t really know you and that I was being naive...I mean you took over my country and i was running around the palace with you" you sighed "and i know you only did that for your father but does that make it better?". Azula paused "well it was a war y/n casualties are a given". "Yes but we never started or engaged in the war, our crime was existing". "You don’t think Long Feng knew?” Azula asked. "He knew but he didn’t do anything to provoke an attack! All we did was take in refugees, we got attacked for no other reason, i’m technically your prisoner and i’m here admiring how you play volleyball" you sighed "it’s just a lot to process and so that’s why I’ve been so distant, I’m just trying to work out what I should be feeling and what I owe my people". Azula was quiet for some time before speaking "i don’t regret any of the thing i’ve done, to your home or you, i would do them again and i think if you were in my shoes you would too but i do regret that they hurt you” Azula said carefully "i’d hoped to have minimised that for you but i see i haven’t...I am sorry for that and that you’re upset. I like you too and even though i just said all that about what i’ve done to your home i do wish i didn’t have to do it...that it didn’t have to happen like that but the fact is it did happen. I don’t know what this means or where it leaves us but that’s my honest opinion". You looked at Azula unsure what to say. She was trying but was it enough when by her own admission she’d do it again? You sighed "i think i just need some space i like you but i’m not sure i should, so i need to think about that". Azula didn’t react she just nodded her head and left. Her reaction was a lot better than what you’d expected so why did you feel so guilty? You thought after you’d explained yourself to her you’d feel better but if anything it just made you feel more miserable.

You didn’t see Azula the rest of the party and figured she was avoiding you. When Mai grabbed you and told you see wanted to leave you were only too happy to oblige, but Ty lee suggested you go down to the beach and so you ended up doing that instead. When you spotted Azula and Zuko there both you and Mai tensed but you still walked to the campfire seeing no way to avoid this without being obvious. Maybe it wouldn’t be so awkward?

Of course it was. 

The atmosphere was already tense due to Zuko and Mai’s break up and you and Azula just added to that. Mai and Zuko were glaring at each other while you and Azula stared anywhere but at each other. The atmosphere was so tense you weren’t surprised arguments soon broke out. Ty lee had been chattering awkwardly and Zuko got annoyed and snapped her. You listened to what he was saying to her and eventually your anger peaked. “Circus freak” Zuko spat at her and you glared. “Don’t call her that” you said annoyed. Ty lee looked so hurt by his words it made you furious “don’t lash out at her just because you’re feeling trapped”. “Trapped” Zuko asked “that’s rich coming from you...prisoner” Zuko glared and you raised your eyebrows surprised. You went to argue back when someone else intervened. “Don’t talk to her that way” Azula said suddenly and Zuko looked at her out of the corner of his eyes “why? because she’s your special play thing?”. “Because she’s a princess and deserves respect”. “Like you’ve ever shown anyone respect, you’re just saying that because you have a thing for her, don’t you?”. “Zuko...” Mai tried to warn him but Zuko shook his head “no we’ve all seen how she looks at y/n, for her to try and pretend she’s being nice to her for any other reason is ridiculous. Like Azula is anything but selfish and cruel! Why do you think our own mother feared you?”. “I don’t care about what your mother thought of me so that is irrelevant but so what if i like y/n?” Azula asked standing up and Zuko paused “what?”. “You said I have a thing for y/n and you’re right. I like y/n, i give her special treatment because she’s important to me so yes i’m selfish but can you say you don’t do the same? You put mom on a pedestal when she wasn’t a good mother, you strop behind father’s back but would never dare say anything to his face and you mope around Mai like a child with his favourite toy nobody else can touch, you’re not so noble big brother so I suggest you stop acting like it”. Azula and Zuko glowered at one another inches away from each other and you exchanged a look with Mai and Ty lee. “Zuko” Mai said and you stood up too “Azula...”. Zuko looked at Mai but Azula didn’t stop glaring at Zuko until Mai had pulled him out of her sight. Mai led Zuko away from the campfire but Azula didn’t move, she just stood there glaring at the ocean.  You and Ty lee looked at one another and you could tell Ty lee was wondering what you wanted her to do. You nodded for her to follow Zuko and Mai and she did leaving you all alone. 

Apart from Azula.

You turned back to her and watched as she stared out at the sea, almost refusing to turn back around. You knew she was aware you were there but still she stared off at the horizon clearly just ignoring your presence. You waited a while to see if she’d speak first or tell you to go away but when she didn’t you sighed and started to speak. “Azula I...” you started but she cut you off. "What do you want y/n?” she asked and you could hear the tired tone of her voice, the mask she’d been wearing all day was breaking. “I just wanted to thank you for what you said to Zuko...”. “I didn’t say all that to make you change your mind". "I know" you said "but still you stood up for me when you didn’t have to...thank you". Azula shrugged "he shouldn’t talk to you that way ever...nobody should". Azula turned around but she still wouldn’t look at you, she crossed her arms tightly and stared at the ground. "Azula i...i should've said something when he said those things to you, i should’ve stood up for you". Azula shrugged "i’m good at defending myself". "I know but you shouldn’t always have to!". Hearing what her relationship with her mother was like made you realise just how self reliant Azula was, her mother feared her and her father used her, did either of them just care or love her? Had anyone ever just cared for her? Azula glanced at you and she winced when she saw your expression "don’t look at me like that". "Like what?". "Like you feel bad for me just because of what Zuko said! I am fine y/n, i’ve always been fine don’t you dare pity me". "I don’t pity you". "Yes you do i can see it in your eyes". "I don’t" you said loudly "i just care about you a lot". "Yeah but you hate me more I got all that from your speech back at the party". "I don’t hate you i’m not sure i ever could" you said softly "I do hate and fear the fire nation and worry about my place there and my country and my citizens...but none of that overshadows how much i like you Azula" you stepped closer. "I like you a lot" you said simply and Azula rolled her eyes "we already did all of this you like me but you have your duty blah blah". "Forget all that" you said sharply and Azula looked at you "what?". "I’m sick of prioritising what other people think...putting what they’d expect of me before what I want! Can't i just be selfish? Can’t i have what i want?".  Azula paused "and what you want is me?". You nodded your head "yes fire nation and all". You weren’t sure what it was that made you come to this realisation but as you said it, it felt right. “I know the situation i’m in...some people might think it’s weird or that it’s wrong of me to like you but I don’t care” you shrugged “you’re the only person in this whole nation who I smile when I see, who helped protect me and makes me happy, who I get excited just thinking about” you smiled “so i’d like to carry on what we started if you would?”. You stared at Azula and time seemed to endlessly drone on as you waited for her to do or say anything but after an eternity she smiled. “You should know i don’t give out many second chances" Azula smirked taking your hand. “Really? Well I guess i’m pretty lucky then”. Azula nodded her head “you definitely are but not just for me forgiving you”. “Why then?” you asked and Azula smiled “this” and crashed her lips against yours.  

***

You laid in the sand staring up at the sky as the waves leapt at your feet. It was cold but Azula gave off heat so you were comfortable. Azula was laying against your chest and you held her gently. Neither of you had left this exact spot despite the time that had passed and you couldn’t imagine disentangling yourselves for anything. Everything about this was just perfect. Azula evidently thought so too. "When we go back to the fire nation we’ll find the time for more occasions like this" Azula told you. You looked down at her "we will?". "Of course" Azula replied looking up at you "i’ll just tell them it is extra sparring lessons...it won’t be far from the truth". You smiled "that’s true" and Azula grinned before glancing at your lips again. She leant in and you prepared yourself for how amazing it would feel when cold water splashed over you. You and Azula both jumped up in shock as a wave washed over you. "The damn tides!" Azula cried and you laughed "come on let’s go!". You took Azula’s hand and rushed for the path leading to the house. You both ran up to the house freezing cold and as soon as you were inside rushed to the fire. Azula fuelled it more and you both crouched before it laughing. Azula stopped laughing and just sat back and admired you. You blushed when you realised what she was doing and stood up "shall we go to our room?". Azula nodded taking your hand "i thought you’d never ask".

----

[retrievablememories]

the honeymooners | taemin (m)

title: the honeymooners pairing: taemin x reader genre: smut, angst, fluff request: “Taemin and his new bride get into a fight at the hotel they’re staying at in China because she saw her ex and was all touchy(not purposely) and he was jealous that other men looked at her despite she being HIS wife so he reminds her who she married after they get back to their hotel room and he shows her how much he loves her body & soul as they make love and after he apologizes for being so angry,tells her he loves her so much+is blessed to her hubby and can’t wait to have kids with her. ❤️” word count: 4.1k warnings: oral (female receiving), exhibitionism, unprotected sex (don’t try at home 🤪), creampie

For your honeymoon, you and Taemin decided to spend a few weeks in Shanghai. Everything was planned out ahead of time to make sure you’d have the best time possible — from the hotel you were staying in to the things you were going to see around the city.

Things had been going well for the first few days — just as well as you hoped and wished they would, and you honestly couldn’t imagine asking for anything more perfect. Well, that is, up until one particular night at the hotel where you were staying at.

You and Taemin had decided to eat dinner there that night instead of going somewhere else within the city, being a little worn out from all the sightseeing and activities and not wanting to make another long trip back and forth, so you headed to the hotel’s dining room.

Partly, though, you also suspected that Taemin didn’t want to spend anymore time out in the city because he was a little incensed about all the stares you were getting. Wherever you went that day, there were at least one or two men looking your way, perhaps a little more closely than they should’ve been. It hadn’t been an unusual thing to get stares since you arrived in Shanghai—you were a foreigner in a new land—but today, it was more intense.

Taemin had enough sense not to blame it on you or what you were wearing, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still going to be angry with the men who were looking at you. He’d held your hand a little tighter, pulled you around the waist more closely, leaned in more than necessary to hear your words whenever you spoke to him. He wanted people to know you were taken—though it was already obvious and didn’t seem to deter the glances either way.

You’d tried to laugh the lingering looks off, but Taemin didn’t find it as nearly as amusing as you did. Still, you continue to hope that you can steer his mind away from this subject once you get to the dining room and start on your meal.

“Everything is so fancy here,” you say after you’ve taken your seats at a table. “I’m glad we chose this hotel. You don’t get to see this kind of luxury everyday.’

“I’m glad, too.” Taemin scans his eyes across the room, taking in its elegance and beauty in a way that he hadn’t got to do when you’d first arrived in the city. Already, he feels a little more calm after getting away from the prying gazes of so many people out on the streets.

However, something out of the ordinary soon catches his attention. “Isn’t that…?” Taemin pauses and cocks an eyebrow when he sees a familiar face across the room—one he’d rather not recognize. Your ex-boyfriend.

“Who?” you ask, but your question is immediately answered when you also see the man standing across the other side of the room. “Jesus, is that Joseph?”

“He works as a waiter here? Of all hotels in the world?” Taemin says, instantly looking a bit disgruntled. If he’d somehow known that, he honestly never would’ve booked this place, but it’s far too late to do anything about that. Maybe that’s an extreme way to try to avoid your spouse’s ex, but Taemin didn’t want to have anything to do with the man and wasn’t interested in starting now.

You and Taemin were friends long before you began a relationship and got married, and this particular ex was one Taemin was never quite fond of. Back when you and Joseph were still together, he always liked to make a show of having you on his arm and engaging in PDA at every possible opportunity. You, thinking it was a funny and cute way of showing affection, didn’t have much to say about it at first, but it annoyed Taemin to no end. 

It seemed to Taemin that Joseph did everything he could to show you off as a trophy. Not because he genuinely felt anything for you, but because he simply liked being able to say you were his. He even liked the attention and envy that came from other women who’d wished they were his instead, even if it ended up with you being embroiled in drama.

Maybe that was just Taemin being petty back when he didn’t even realize he loved you, but he still swears there were a hundred other reasons besides those to dislike the man. Besides, he felt more justified in his theory when, after breaking up with Joseph, you told Taemin you felt your relationship was just too surface-level, no matter how hard you tried to get closer to him.

“It really is a small world,” you say, though Taemin sees more irony than humor in it. 

As if the luck couldn’t get any better, Joseph ends up being the waiter assigned to your table for the night. Taemin has to suppress the urge to roll his eyes at Joseph’s recognition of you two, complete with the overdone gasping and the shocked eyes about to pop out of his head. If there’s one thing he’ll do, he’ll put on a show.

“Wow, Y/N! It’s been a long time, I would’ve never thought I’d see you here of all places! Funny how fate works, huh?” Joseph reaches out to shake your hand, and Taemin’s eyes squint at the sight of his hand in yours.

“Aha, yeah, it’s really ironic, isn’t it?” Your smile is kind enough, but you still feel a bit awkward about the whole situation.

Joseph turns his attention to Taemin, who is sitting with a half-smile, half-grimace on his face. “Congratulations on your marriage, by the way! I’m really glad Y/N found someone who’ll take care of her.”

“Uh, thank you.” It wouldn’t have been you anyway, Taemin thinks to himself, and smirks a little.

“How ironic that her future husband was her best friend all along...you know, I still remember when you used to wear that bowl cut.” Joseph laughs good-naturedly, probably thinking he’s just making a light joke, but Taemin isn’t quite so entertained by it.

“Ah, yes! Remember when you couldn’t grow a beard?” Both men laugh, though Joseph’s chuckle is a little bit more strained at that unwelcome memory. You laugh too, but only to try to keep the mood light and avoid making the situation even weirder than it already is.

“Um well, I’m gonna see what’s available if you guys aren’t done reminiscing on old times just yet...” you say, hastily flipping through the menu for something that looks good. Joseph takes your drink orders and goes off to prepare them, leaving the two of you to silently breathe a sigh of relief at his departure.

Taemin peeks at you from over the top of his menu, shaking his head slightly. He glances to the side as he does so, as if he expects the other man to still be watching your table. “This is going to be a long night.”

“It’ll only be that way if you already believe it is,” you counter. “Everything is fine. Just enjoy the meal, and we’ll be back up to the room soon enough.”

Unfortunately, you don’t yet have the ability to predict the future, so the night ends up being more uncomfortable than you anticipated it would. You maintain a polite manner with Joseph whenever he comes over to serve you two, but he does little things that seem to edge the line of “platonic,” like touching your hand or your shoulder a little too frequently. 

Taemin bites his tongue only because he doesn’t want to start an argument with the man and make you upset on your honeymoon, but he’s also irritated with seeing him touching you almost like you’d never broken up. Like he did when he used to parade you around as if you were a state fair prize.

As always, Joseph is there when Taemin has paid the bill and you’re both ready to leave, and Taemin grits his teeth when he gives you a parting hug as you stand up from the table. In Taemin’s perspective, his eyes linger too long on your form in your evening gown, and his hands take too long to separate from where they’re holding your arms. “Don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever feel like catching up, okay?”

You nod, feeling a little embarrassed because you know Taemin is fuming beside you, but you don’t want to be rude and cause a scene. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Joseph turns to Taemin and shakes his hand. “Nice to see you after so long, buddy. Take good care of her; you’ve gotten really lucky.”

Taemin squeezes his palm a little harder than what’s socially appropriate. If the other man notices this, he doesn’t acknowledge it. Taemin’s smile is fake and obviously doesn’t reach his eyes, but he forces one anyway.

You and Taemin leave the dining area arm-in-arm, though you feel he’s a little stiff beside you. You aren’t even sure what to say, still reeling from the situation yourself, though you do know you feel both guilty and irritated. “Look...I know that didn’t go very well. But please try to relax, Taemin. Honeymoons aren’t for being angry with each other.”

“You’re right. They aren’t. And yet...” Taemin’s tone is dry. “How can he be so bold? Hugging a married woman like that. He’s always been unbearable.”

“He was just...happy to see us! I don’t think he meant it as something deeper than that.”

“He was happy to see you,” Taemin argues. “He just wanted to get on my nerves. Do you really think it was normal for him to be touching you all night like that?”

You shake your head and sigh. “No, but what could I do? Throw a fit in the dining room and get kicked out? See, this is why I said you need to relax. Everything doesn’t need some overblown response.”

Taemin doesn’t heed your words, though; the ball is rolling now and you know it probably won’t stop. “Would you feel happy if it were the other way around?” he continues as you get on the elevator to go back to your floor. “I’m the one who’s married to you, yet I’m feeling like some kind of third wheel to all these men.”

“Okay, I get it. I wouldn’t be happy either, but none of this was my intention, Taemin.”

“I never said it was,” he sighs, and you get the sense that he’s frustrated you aren’t quite getting what he’s trying to convey. He doesn’t volunteer any more words after this, and you aren’t in the mood to try to pry further.

You’re both quiet for the rest of the ride up to your floor, with you having no clue what to say to rectify the mess and Taemin being too busy trying to sort out his own emotions.

When you get to the room, you decide to head for the shower alone—a contrast to the other times when you could barely peel Taemin off you this past week—and get ready for bed. You didn’t expect to be dealing with conflict during your honeymoon, but you guess it’s a first introduction to what married life will be like. You toss your shoes somewhere off to the side, sighing to yourself.

“Wait,” Taemin says as he sees you making a beeline for the bathroom. You glance back to him, though you keep half your body turned the other way, thinking he will try to continue arguing his point about why he’s upset. “I want to show you something.”

You hesitate for a moment, wondering what he could possibly be talking about. “Show me what?

Taemin steps closer, diminishing the space between you, and despite yourself, you're curious to see what he’s up to. You soon find out just what his plans are when he kisses you. You hesitate for a moment when you feel his lips on yours, but you eventually respond to the gesture.

Taemin’s hand goes to one strap of your dress and tugs it so it falls down your shoulder. You part from him for a moment to glance at the fallen strap. “Now you want to do this? After getting all worked up earlier?” you ask, raising your eyebrows at his action.

“I can get angry about it if I want; you’re my wife,” Taemin retorts, tugging you even closer to him by the fallen strap of your dress. You’d almost laugh at his statement in any other situation; you’re a little reminded of his normal childish antics he likes to indulge in, but he looks perfectly serious here.

“And you think I don’t know that?” you reply, looking at him with eyes that are both searching for some kind of resolution and burning with irritation.

“Of course you know it. You’ve known it everyday since I slipped the ring on your finger, since we began our honeymoon, and you’ll continue to know it for as long as we both live.” Taemin speaks in a voice that isn’t quite demanding but still firm enough to make his point crystal clear; like he’s trying to make you understand while still handling you with kindness. “You’re everything to me, and I want to be sure you understand that I love you more than any other man could.”

Though you wish you had some clever response, you don’t quite know how to reply to that, because it’s true. He’s yet to fail in reminding you of all those things, but you also know he feels like he must prove himself right now. So you simply nod and bring your hand to his neck so you can kiss him again, feeling his soft lips under yours.

As the kiss deepens, you use your free hand to slip the other strap off so you can begin sliding your dress off, but Taemin parts from you and stops your movements instead.

“Get on the bed,” he says, “on all fours.”

You do so, wondering what move Taemin will make next. He pushes your dress up a bit so he can pull your underwear off, dragging the fabric off your body slowly. You don’t know where he throws your underwear to, but he climbs up on the bed behind you after he does.

You wait in anticipation to see what he’ll do, feeling his hands ghost over your hips and ass; then there’s the drag of your dress up over your hips and to your lower back, baring you to him.

“This is all mine,” he says quietly, and you feel his breaths on your skin. You tremble at being able to sense his presence behind you but being unsure where exactly he is, and then you gasp at feeling his tongue pushing at your entrance. Taemin holds you still against his probing tongue as you moan and whimper softly, trying to keep your voice to yourself for a reason you’re not entirely sure of. Maybe because you’re still a tiny bit upset and don’t yet want him to know how good he’s making you feel.

Taemin sets out to change that easily, though. He lets go of one of your hips to add his fingers in, sliding them against your soft inner flesh and feeling you get wetter from the action. His tongue slides further down to your clit and caresses the little nub, circling it and curling around it delicately. It makes the back of your neck warm, along with the rest of your body; the heat spreads through you as if you’re catching fire internally. You dig your knees more firmly into the mattress and grip the sheets tightly, trying to keep yourself steady as Taemin works on you.

You eventually have to lower yourself to the bed a little more so you can keep yourself stable. Taemin takes advantage of the slight change in position to push his fingers into you at a different angle, drawing more weakened sounds from you.

You’re disappointed when he pulls his mouth away, though he only does it to speak. “You taste so good and look so pretty like this…all spread open for me.” When returns to eating you out, he does it with greater determination this time, succeeding in pushing you headfirst into your first orgasm of the night.

“Oh God, Taemin…” you gasp as your climax floods through you, overtaking you like an ocean wave or a strong gust of wind. He doesn’t stop there and keeps pushing you up that peak of pleasure until you’re stumbling straight into another orgasm, his fingers manipulating your body and his mouth refusing to let go.

You finally sink to the mattress when he lets you go and gives you a reprieve. And even in your muddled state, you notice how he slips his hand under your stomach, helping you lower yourself to the bed, his palm warm and firm against you.

Taemin strips your dress the rest of the way off as you shake from the aftershocks of your orgasms, and he lifts your hips up some so he can do so, as you’re a bit too boneless to cooperate at the moment. He removes his suit jacket after that and unbuttons his shirt, and that is when you finally get enough strength back to turn over and watch from him your spot on the bed.

“Look at you,” you murmur, “Do you really think I’d ever look for anyone but you?”

Taemin smirks, slipping his shirt to the floor. He unbuttons his slacks, but he doesn’t take them off just yet; instead he pulls your ankles to bring you to the edge of the bed, making you yelp in the process.

“Hmm. Doesn’t it feel good to be recognized by someone who loves you?” he responds, grasping your arms and raising you forward so he can scoop you up. You secure your legs around his waist so you can hold on, and he doesn’t seem to mind that you’re getting his pants wet by doing so. You think he might take you against the wall, but he carries you over to a chair and table within the suite’s sitting room, located beside one of the large windows. He sets you down on the table, though you’re a bit reluctant to separate from him at first.

“Recognized…” you repeat, and then realize his words might’ve had a double meaning. You watch with questioning eyes as he pulls one of the curtains back, revealing the city’s nightscape to you. “Have you lost it?” Your suite is high up enough that no one from the ground level or the buildings below will easily be able to see you, but you still feel a thrill of fear and excitement rush up your spine.

Taemin turns back to you, and his smile is mischievous. “Not at all,” he says, and pushes both his pants and underwear off without a second thought. “If you don’t want to, we can easily put the curtain back in place.” He moves as if he’s going to do just that, but you reach out to stop him.

“Uh, wait, you don’t have to…”

Taemin comes back over to you and holds your face in his hands, and his wedding ring is slightly cool against your cheek. He whispers, “How does it feel to know we’re exposed like this? No one can see us, but we can see everything below...we belong only to each other.” His member pushes against your thigh, smearing precum against your skin. He’s hot and hard against you, his cock poking ever closer against your inner thigh and teasing your lower lips but not entering yet.

“It’s…” You glance at the faint reflection of your figures in the window as he hovers over you, situating his arms so they’re braced on either side of your body. You swallow harshly, trying to find the words to describe it. “It’s...weirdly erotic.”

Taemin takes your chin between his fingertips, guiding you to look at him. “So you like being watched? Did it excite you to have so many people looking at you today? Your ex?” Taemin’s tip pushes more firmly at your entrance and slips in, making you gasp and grip the edge of the table.

You shake your head as sweat beads up on your skin. “I only want you, Taemin.” You lean back on the table to look up at him with your most sincere eyes. He groans at the sight of you looking so pliant and submissive for him.

Taemin grips your hips as he pushes the rest of the way in, and he’s gentler than you’d expect given his earlier anger. Still, his thrusts are slow but deep as he pulls your hips into his, and you tremble and sigh as he glides against your walls so smoothly. It’s like he’s marking himself inside you so you’ll never be able to get rid of him.

Your eyes drift over to the window again, eyeing the many smaller buildings beneath you and observing the shadow-like reflections of your bodies merging together. Maybe he was right, to some degree. You do like the feeling of being seen-but-not-seen like this, completely wrapped up in each other even though your activities aren’t totally private.

Taemin slides his tongue into your mouth and spreads your legs wider as if he can burrow himself within the tight grip of your body forever. You’re willing to find out if he can. Your desire is spurred on by the idea of your husband filling every space inside you and causing you both to blend into one whole being.

His hands touch you all over, flitting across your skin like butterflies. His eyes, though, settle squarely on your face, holding your gaze inside his own. Although you’ve seen his sharp expressions when he performs on stage countless times, now his stare is characterized by a certain tenderness and a soft gleam, which threatens to bleed over into you and color you with its pure affection. 

Seeing this look, you fully understand that there’s no hiding how much he loves you, no matter how mad or jealous he gets...which you already know well, but it’s always nice to have the confirmation.

Taemin comes before you do this time, filling your womb with the warmth of his release, and as lascivious as it is, it also makes you feel strangely comforted. You know he belongs to you, and you him. He gives you a tender kiss as if in apology—for coming first or for being mad, you aren’t sure—and his hand drops between your bodies to rub against your clit. Soon, you are coming too, wetting his softening length and moaning at how your body sucks him and his cum in deeper.

You are amused by his sudden change in mood after he’s satisfied and the agitation has completely left his body. He’s suddenly shy about having the curtain open and pulls it back hastily, reaching his hand backwards clumsily because he doesn’t want to pull out of you just yet. 

“Was that spur of the moment?” You giggle, looking at his pinkened face. You hold his cheeks like he did to you earlier, feeling the round lines of them shift in your palms as he grins.

“I’m sorry for acting like that earlier.” Taemin shifts his face in your hands so he can kiss your thumb.

“Oh, really?” You give him a skeptical look, but he chuckles and shakes his head.

“I’m serious.” He pauses and then says, “I love you so much. I don’t like it when we get upset with each other…the only thing I want to argue about is what color we’ll paint our future nursery, or what baby names we like best. We shouldn’t argue over things that don’t matter in the end.”

“Ah, you’re so sentimental.” But you only say this to take the edge off, not wanting to shed tears right now. Still, you wrap your legs tighter around him, overwhelmed by his declaration and feeling like your heart could burst from the excitement and love you feel at the idea of doing those things with him. “Tae...if only you knew how lucky I feel.”

Taemin grabs you by the backs of your thighs and picks you up again, and you know you’re probably making a mess of the floor with his cum dripping out of you, but you can’t be bothered with it now. His smile is nearly blinding. “Hmm, well, let’s go to the shower and you can start from the beginning…”

[scullydubois]

that terror that keeps me brave: a sex education fic

hi, hello, now that I am riding high off the excitement of season three, i am finally gonna start publishing the sex education fic that I began writing in uhh...february! it primarily follows jean, maureen, and jakob as they deal with the ramifications of the season two finale. again, i started this months ago so it is not influenced by season three, and you can read it without watching that. it will focus on jean's pregnancy and maureen exploring her sexuality in the wake of her separation.

chapter one is under the cut! 1.5k, rated T. read it on ao3 here.

I:

Jean taps her pen absentmindedly against her soft leather notebook, misery on the faces of the couple in front of her. It’s a classic story: the once-adoring wife who has seen the dream crumble in front of her and her unshaven husband. Jean’s eyes train on him as he squirms in his seat.

“So, to clarify, you experienced a nocturnal emission from a dream about your co-worker, and then when Cecelia asked what the dream was about, you told her the truth.”

The man nods. Jean shifts her focus to the woman.

“And now, Cecelia, you are mad at him because you believe that he cheated on you.”

“Yes,” the wife squeaks. “He got off on another woman! Am I supposed to be okay with that?”

Jean pulls her lips into a poorly drawn line. “But you don’t have any other evidence of his cheating, correct? You’re using this dream as the sole reason for your accusation?”

“The dream is the cheating, there doesn’t need to be nothing more.”

Jean glances at the woman over her glasses. “Let’s ask Brian, shall we?” She crosses her legs, turning her attention warmly toward the poor man. “Have you ever engaged in sexual intercourse or anything of the sort with this woman while you were awake?”

“No.” He shakes his head violently. “Never.”

“Would you ever do so?”

“No...Addison--that’s her name--is fine-looking, but I’m married and I love my wife. I would never do such a thing.”

Jean has seen her fair share of men who are bullshitting. Brian is not one. She closes her notebook. “See, Cecelia? You are the one he wants. Nocturnal emissions are involuntary physical responses to subconscious stimuli. Addison is Brian’s co-worker, which means he probably sees her quite often. This makes it more likely for her to turn up in his dreams. It’s neither an affront to you, nor a compliment to her.”

Cecelia pouts. “I just don’t feel right about it.”

Jean rests her glasses on the crown of her head. “This could easily have been you who had the dream about your co-worker, and what then? How would you feel if Brian were accusing you of something you couldn’t control?”

“I never have those nasty dreams,” Cecelia counters, scoffing. “Not even about my own husband.”

Jean can’t help but fight back a smirk. “Well, Cecelia, that may be an issue for another session.”

“Like hell it will be! I’m giving you money to tell me it’s okay for my husband to make love to another woman! What do I look like, a fool?”

Jean folds her hands over her lap. Nothing she hasn’t heard before.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Cecelia, but I’m glad you and Brian could come in and have this conversation today.” She exchanges a sympathetic look with Brian. “My ears are always open.”

“Thank you, Jean,” the man says, ushering his wife out of the office. “We’ll see you next time.”

And Jean’s sure they will, because they’ve had this exact session about five separate times. The only thing that ever changes is what woman features in Brian’s dream. Once, it was even Jean! Now that was a session. You’d think, by now, that Brian would just tell Cecelia that every dream is about her. The honest men are always the ones who can afford a little dishonesty.

This is what’s on Jean’s mind when she jaunts into the foyer and finds the most honest man she knows standing there like he’s waiting to be checked in. Grease streaks his clothes; he’s stopped by in between jobs.

“Jakob!” Her voice is taut and uncompromising.

“Jean!” His is cordial and languid. “That nice couple let me in, I hope it won’t be a problem.”

Jean shifts her weight onto one heel, stretching her free leg. “I have another session in a few minutes. You should go.”

“Such strict avoidance of an ex-partner is not healthy, you know. I’m sure they taught you that in therapy school.”

“And continuing to show up at your ex-partner’s home after they have indicated they do not wish to see you is called stalking.” Jean strides into the kitchen. His clunky footsteps follow her. “I didn’t need to go to ‘therapy school’ to learn that.”

“We didn’t have those kinds of laws in Sweden until very recently. It was viewed as an expression of fondness when I was growing up.”

“That’s a view universal to men around the world,” Jean retorts. “They can’t all be right.”

“I was let in here, remember?” Jakob points out. “I don’t believe that makes it possible to prosecute me for any crimes.”

“Well, if I see you grab a kitchen knife, I’m going to assume the worst.”

“If I touch a kitchen knife, you may arrest me.”

“Wonderful.” Jean starts the coffee pot and pulls her beloved honeycomb mug from the cabinet. Despite herself, she grabs another one and offers it to Jakob. “Coffee?”

“No thank you. I had my smoothie this morning.”

“Ah.” She should’ve known. She stands on her tip-toes to slide the rejected mug back on the shelf. When she turns around, her visitor is gone. This isn’t of particular concern to her, though it is rather strange.

She sets her mug beneath the coffee pot and lets it run. As the steamy liquid spews out, she surveys her kitchen. Following the trend of the day, curiosity gets the best of her. “Jakob?” she calls.

A familiar head pops out of the pantry. “You have not used your pan shelf.”

Jean takes her coffee and shuffles over. “No, I have not,” she confirms, mimicking his charmingly formal way of speaking.

“Is it not adequate?”

“I told you, I don’t need it.” She turns on her heel, gliding toward the table. “Now, can you get out of my pantry?”

With an amused smile on his face, Jakob slips out and shuts the door.

“How was the session?”

Jean casts a downward glance at him. “I’m not supposed to share--”

“My mistake.” Jakob sits down and settles his hands on the table, the epitome of patience. Jean feels a nagging tug in her stomach, and she can’t discern one potential cause from the other.

She sighs. Jakob’s eyes have always struck her as those belonging to a guard dog who’s sworn to protect. Their inability to deceive is a great comfort, and so different from most of the men she has known.

She presses the mug to her lips, drinking in the miracle roast that she has been meaning to cut back on. 200 milligrams per day, that’s the recommended maximum intake for expecting mothers. She’s keeping herself right at that.

It is hard to steel herself against Jakob when he looks at her with such genuine eyes, especially knowing that she can’t offer him the same.

She swallows her sip, sets the mug against the table. “Do you feel that a husband who’s having wet dreams about another woman is cheating?” She eyes Jakob like he’s one of her clients, someone she must pick apart.

Jakob eyes her in kind, deducing that this is not a trick, but an honest question. “Yes,” he responds in his frank tone. “That would be an emotional betrayal at least.”

Jean leans back in her chair. “Why do you say that?” She may as well have her notebook and pen in hand.

“Because he’s emotionally attached enough to this person to have those sorts of dreams.” It sounds completely sensible, Jean thinks, when he says it. And it makes her sound like a bitch for what she has to say, but a situation where she must leave her emotions out of the equation is exactly what she needs when it comes to him.

“Dreams occur in our subconscious, unbeknownst to our waking selves. We cannot plan them. And the physical response is involuntary. Nocturnal emissions happen without our intervention. He is neither choosing the subject of his dreams, nor is he choosing his sexual response to them. Therefore, no cheating is taking place.”

“So cheating is a choice then,” Jakob muses. The weight of this statement hangs between them. He searches Jean’s face for signs of apprehension.

She stiffens in her chair but holds firm. “Yes. It is.” She understands the implications of admitting this, and she hopes he does too. She has done him wrong, and the worst they can do is let it keep happening. Even this choice, though, does him wrong, and for that Jean is sorry.

The doorbell rings, no doubt the next sexual conundrum she must untangle. She slides her chair back, grabs her mug, and gives Jakob a look that’s almost apologetic.

He returns the look, his eyes both fire and ice. “Another pair whose relationship you will save.”

Jean breaks eye contact when she realizes he’s being serious, for that’s simply too sweet a thing for him to say. She walks him to the door, and it strikes her as all too familiar.

“Thank you for your help,” he utters when she opens the door to her clients. She sees what he’s doing and plays along.

“You’re welcome. See you next week.”

“Yes,” he says, fixated on her. “See you next week.”