#he didnt deserve neil

[tortured-poet-of-thursday]

breaking down thinking of Neil’s smile when he came out of the curtain, crown in hand, hoping his father was proud of him, and how fast it faded when seeing the stern expression on the man’s face.

[dayurno]

sometimes i’m sooooo blown away by the fact that kevin is so smart……. like yes he is the fox with the highest grades despite being also the fox with the tightest training schedule and yes he canonically gets called an obsessive genius and yes the extra content explicitly says he is both very smart and very willing to teach people. but really i am thinking about kevin playing reporters like fiddles, jean calling kevin too good of a liar to ever let anything slip, kevin going up to andrew post-game and wordlessly helping cover up the fact andrew is off his medicine by pretending andrew’s racquet had broken (and then proceeding to discreetly crush it in his hand when the foxes gather around andrew), kevin living a lifetime of walking on the edge of riko’s knife, kevin hiding french, hiding thea, kevin spotting potential from a mile away, kevin who even riko thought was brilliant and sharp-tongued. yeah……..!

[yourfavvgal]

i forget they’re still young in dps. like teenagers - 16, 17 years old. IT MAKES IT SO MUCH WORSE LIKE NONE OF THEM DESERVE THAT 🙏

[sophiejanefostersilver]

Not important and really random, but

He looks like he cried, or am i crazy?

[angry-kid-with-no-money]

the great war by taylor swift is so Andriel coded, send tweet

[salfishersimp2]

[alesbianperson]

football player!ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: At the football play you visited to support your best friend, something happens that you didn't expect.

warnings: smoking (weed); slightly implied loser Ellie at the end; swear words; girls kissing (what a surprise); my writing idk

authors note: so firstly I mean football as soccer and not american football, but its not important to the plot so it can be interpreted as either; secondly, sorry for being so inactive I actually needed fucking half a year just for this its actually embarressing, I'm really slow at writing I don't know why, but I'm trying to be more active. I also didnt proofread so sorry for grammar mistakes or something anyway I hope you enjoy this!!

ALSO BIG DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT SUPPORT NEIL DRUCKMANN AND THE FACT THAT HE SUPPORTS ISRAEL!! If you don't know whats going on in Palestine, please go educate yourself because its highly important.

Here are a few links, so nobody can say it's too complicated or annoying to search for information (besides its really fucking heartless, cruel and totally not human to say "I dont wanna put effort in researching" while people are literally suffering and dying because of a genocide):

General information/updates

Brands to boycott

How you can help Palestine

Palestine masterposts: 1 2

--☆--

This evening was the final football game of the season. Everyone was so excited, and your best friend played in the school team, so of course, you came to this game to support her. You already arrived a bit late because you took a nap and didn't hear the alarm, so you quickly searched for your friends who were already sat and luckily saved you a seat. When they saw you coming in, they waved you over to them.

"What took you so long? The game has already started!" One of them said before switching their attention back to the field. "Sorry, I overslept." You explained yourself sitting down on your seat. "You didn't miss much, just a foul from the other team. They're so annoying and clearly playing anything but fair." Another one of your friends said, rolling her eyes while offering you a bag of chips. You declined and began searching for your best friend between all the other players, running on the field. Not even five seconds later, you found her. With the ball in front of her, she ran towards the goal. You joined the cheers of everyone from your school, sure that this was going to be such a great goal until:

A girl from the other team came out of nowhere, running towards her, tackling her to the ground. You gasped. "That was another foul!" One of your friends exclaimed, standing up to better see what the referee would say. But instead of also looking at the referee, your gaze still hasn't left the girl, responsible for the foul.

She looked pleased with herself. What an asshole! You thought to yourself, but couldn't deny that the way her eyes sparkled in the light and her auburn hair moved in the wind was mesmerising. Too distracted by her features, you realised a bit late that she was eyeing you too. A smirk on her lips, she winked at you before walking off the field, your eyes still on her.

"Too bad that bitch just got a yellow card. She deserved more, right?" Your friends, already discussing the decision of the referee, were turning to you since you were the only one who didn't comment on it. Heat rushed into your cheeks as you realised you hadn't listened the whole time, busy gushing over that girl. "Yeah.. definitely more." Was all you said to not keep the attention on you.

"Guys," you added after a short pause, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. I'll be back."

"Sure."

"But hurry, they're already playing again."

You just slightly nodded before walking off to search for the bathrooms. To your luck, they weren't far away from your seats, so it didn't take too long to find them. As you closed the door behind you, a strong smell of weed filled your lungs. Holding a hand in front of your mouth, you coughed reflexively.

"Having trouble breathin', princess?"

You turned around to see the girl who fouled your best friend sitting on the sink, her legs slightly swinging forwards and back. She still wore her tricot but now had a grey, dirty, worn-out jacket over it. The half up half down bun she had was messed up, probably because of the constant running on the field, and between two of her fingers, she held an already half smoked joint.

Her smile rose as she noticed your gaze lingering on her again. "Y'want a photo? It'll last longer." She chuckled, finding this old ass joke very funny. You rolled your eyes at her words but couldn't help the smile, forming on your lips. "What are you doing here anyway, don't you have to play?" She blew out the smoke she held in her mouth before answering your question. "My coach replaced me. Said I needed a break before playing again." You just nodded because you didn't know how to keep the conversation going. For a few seconds, you both just looked at each other in silence. After taking another drag from the joint, she leaned forward, offering you to do the same.

"No, thanks. I don't smoke."

"Thought so." She chuckled. After a short pause, she added: "Not in a rude way, of course. Y'just don't look like you'd do drugs." Even though you knew it was childish and totally stupid, you now wanted to prove to her that you were indeed someone who could take drugs. So you took the joint out of her hand, carefully brought it to your lips, and inhaled.

You probably shouldn't have inhaled this deep because now you were coughing like someone poured tons of sand down your throat. It surely felt like it. When you calmed down a bit, you looked up again, handing the joint back to the girl on the sink, who was clearly amused. "What a brave girl." She said with a shit eating grin on her face. "Come here, I'll show you how it's done right."

She gestured between her spread legs. As you moved towards her, she leaned in, reducing the space between the two of you. "Open your mouth." She then proceeded to take a drag from the joint. As she moved closer, your breath hitched. Your eyes wandered from her gorgeous green ones down to her lips, and heat rose in your cheeks again. Without breaking eye contact, she blew the smoke she had in her mouth into yours. Reflexively, you closed it.

"Now hold it in."

And that's what you did. The smoke filled your lungs, this time a lot less painful than your first drag. After a few seconds, you exhaled slowly, a small smile of pride on your face.

Your faces were still very close, and silence fell upon the both of you again. The tension thickend. Her emerald green eyes stared directly into yours, abruptly blinking down to your lips. "Can I kiss you?" Your voice was nothing more than a whisper, fading into thin air. A smirk grew once again on her lips before nodding and then proceeding to lean in and closing the gap between the two of you.

Once her lips were on yours, she cupped your cheek, her fingertips brushing slightly over it. You felt like your heart was going to jump out of your chest. Her lips were so soft. You couldn't really describe the feeling, but it felt good. Like you were on cloud nine. You quickly synced with the rhythm she set, leaning forward so that her back met the wall behind her.

Your hands wandered behind her neck, beginning to tug on her hair slightly. A soft groan escaped her lips at the sudden impact, which sounded like music to your ears.

A smile formed on your lips once she broke the kiss to catch her breath. "What're you smiling at?" She looked at you irritated, which just caused you to chuckle.

"I don't know. You're.. pretty."

Silence followed after that.

"Pretty enough to get your number?"

Ellie wanted to bash her head against the wall at her cringe comment. She thought she'd definitely crossed the line now. But you just began laughing, quickly covering your mouth with your hand to muffle the sound.

"Sorry. Don't get me wrong I-", you interrupted yourself by holding up your finger to signal her to wait and began searching for your phone in your purse. Fuck. You thought as you realised you left it in your jacket with your friends and hurriedly searched around for something to write on. Ellie just watched you amused, catching on to your plan. She snatched a pepertowel out of the spender and offered it to you. You just gave her an awkward smile, fishing a half empty kajal out of your purse and scribbled your phone number on it.

As you handed it to her, she took it with the same smirk she had in the beginning. "As sad as it is, I think I have to go back on the field. My coach probably misses me by now." She added hesitantly while sliding off the sink and walking towards the door. "Cool meeting you, though." The click of the closing door was the last thing you heard before you were completely alone in the bathroom.

With the paper towel still in her hand, Ellie made her way over to the rest of her team, almost jumping with joy and thanking every mighty power for letting her survive the whole conversation without completely losing her mind or embarrassing herself. She'd definitely save your number as soon as she could. Actually contacting you was a whole other story.

[yourleftpinkytoe-blog]

Pinkytoe’s top ten Aftg hot takes

Read with caution I’m very passionate about my thoughts and did not hold back on my opinions. This is not an attack on people who think differently it is me putting my perspective out there.(with some harsh wording)

1: The rift in Andrew and Aaron’s relationship is just as much Aaron’s fault as it is Andrew’s.

A lot of the time I see people framing Aaron as Andrew’s victim which is a weird interpretation of their relationship to me. It’s not just Andrew controlling Aaron, it is also Aaron fundamentally not understanding that Andrew is a person who has thoughts and feelings. Aaron fundamentally doesn’t understand that Andrew is not doing everything in his power to hurt Aaron he’s just trying not to lose Aaron. So with that understanding Aaron goes out of his way to hurt Andrew like aaron thinks he’s doing to him. The whole dynamic is toxic but neither is exclusively the perpetrator or the victim. The deal is a double edged sword and when people pretend otherwise it feels like it’s doing a disservice to the reality of the situation.

2: Erasing Aaron’s homophobia is not the take that some people think it is.

I see a lot of people making claims that Aaron isn’t homophobic he just doesn’t like hearing about his family’s sex lives. But I feel like people are blinded by their love of his character to see that his homophobia is a character flaw of his. He was raised by Tilda. Tilda was raised with Luther. It would not surprise me if she saw extremely homophobic. Also it takes place in 2006/7 casual homophobia was so fucking rampant… obviously he’s gonna have some uncomfortable opinions on gay people. But being homophobic is not a permanent state of being he can and probably will grow from where he is in canon. Pretending his comments in canon arn’t what they are is taking a layer from his characterization.(plus a layer from the rift in Andrew and Aaron’s relationship is Aaron’s homophobia soooo)

3: Thea was not nearly as bad as some people make her out to be and the whole situation reeks of racism

Yall I said it once and I’ll say it again. THEA AND KEVIN DIDNT START DATING TILL KEVIN WAS A COLLAGE FRESHMAN AND SHE WAS A SINIOR. They were both consenting adults who were in the same shitty traumatizing situation. Stop saying she’s a pedo stop acting like her being mad that he practically cut her out of his life for a year is unjustified. there relationship doesn’t seem perfect but it is not how some people portray it. Stop ur being racist to the only canon black woman!

4: all the hate that the fandom has for Thea should be amplified and given to Roland.

Now let’s see… Roland was 23 when he and a 16 year old Andrew started hooking up. Now that’s some pedo shit. Not only that, but Roland was if fucking boss at the time. Andrew had to tie Roland down in order to make Roland not touch him. You know the teenager he’s hooking up with. I said it once and I’ll say it again, fuck that bitch he’s a shitty shitty person who deserves all the hate the fandom could give him.

5: Hating Riko and thinking he got what was coming for him in the end and understanding that he’s a victim in his own way are not mutually exclusive. I can hate that fucker and still feel bad for him.

I think I explained this in the description well enough

6: Neil’s demisexuality/demiromatisism is non-negotiable. That shit is an important part of his character and erasing it for the sake of shipping is weird as hell.

I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve seen people just take away Neil’s demi identity’s because they want to read about him fucking everyone except the one character he’s been show to have romantic/sexual feelings for. Like I’ve seen people so upset he didn’t end up with Kevin and I’m just like yeah… cause he’s not into Kevin. Makes sense to me. I see so much…

*insert quote about how Neil have and idol like admiration for Kevin and his exy skills*

“Omg Neil wants to fuck Kevin sooooo bad it’s canon*

Like honestly ship whatever but don’t try to change the canon to justify it. Have your fun stop being stupid.

7: While Nicky’s actions in the first book inexcusable, the rampant mischaracterization of him to make him worse than canon is not cool.

This isn’t as big of an issue to me but I see people portraying Nicky as like an actual sexual predator and not just a person who lacks understanding of personal boundaries. What he did to Neil is super fucked up and I’m not excusing him (or anything he did in the first book tbh) but changing him to make the situation more back and white than it is is odd to me.

8: on a similar topic you can not compare what Nicky did in Columbia to what Andrew did.

Andrew had a justified reason for what he did. He is protecting Kevin from the fucking mafia and this shady Kid shows up with a stalker binder and a shit ton of money all while looking like he came off the street. It’s suspicious as hell. Also I want to add that he is on mind and mood altering drugs. The situation is fucked and looking at it from Neil’s perspective it’s even more so cause we know he is not involved in a malicious way, but Andrew didn’t. He acted with every justification while Nicky did not, the only reason Nicky did what he did is cause he wanted to. Both are not good but you can’t compare the two.

9: While kevins alcoholism is not good, the way his fans frame it is grossly misrepresenting the situation.

In the books Kevin is not in a mental state to handle getting sober on top of everything else. His alcoholism is bad and everyone knows it but it is the only thing getting him through things without causing him to shut down. It’s not good but if it’s what he needs to get through this then that’s what he needs. When he’s not in the middle of a mob war he’ll be in a better position to handle himself without alcohol. He’s not a helpless bbg he’s a grown man just trying to get by and if it helps it helps.

10: I do not get the hype around Kevin.

This might be my most controversial take tbh…Like he’s a cool character. And I love him as much as the other foxes but I don’t understand the recent wave of him getting babygirlified. Is it the queen symbolism? Is it just cause he’s conventionally attractive? Is it cause that one scene in the kings men where he was cunty as fuck? No clue.

but yall have fun I may not get it but it is entertaining as shit

[cryptidkreates]

take a shot for every time people dont understand that neil was sacrificing himself and not just threat blind when he ignored the unknown number. youd get alchohol poisoning i swear

this boy knows something dangerous when he sees it, at this time he just simply didnt think he deserved to stay. he didnt think he deserved to be safe. more importantly he didnt wsnt to get the foxes involved to keep them safe

him not telling anyone was a form of self harm and i will not be convinced neil josten paranoid ass bitch didnt see this coming from 5 million miles away. he even said he knew from the get go the carrie incident wasnt riko and just accepted his fate

[rrcenic]

sorry for posting so much about the neil gaiman thing im very opinionated but heres my general take on neil gaiman (TW FOR S/A AND SU1C1D3!!!!)

good omens fandom please read this. yall need it

i wanna start with: believe victims. it might not be as bad as it was claimed to be bc the reporter was an anti bdsm terf who considers all bdsm 🍇 (including the bdsm w neil), but there was still clearly manipulation, weaponized power imbalance, and dubious consent. even if it wasnt s/a, it was fucked up. neil did some fucked up things

while we dont know if he actually s/ad those women, neil gaiman is clearly flawed

ive seen time and time again that his fans (specifically the good omens fandom) can get so viciously defensive of him that they refuse to see any flaws he has

as someone who was ruthlessly attacked because of neil, i hesitate to give him the benefit of the doub

when i had just turned 13, id just gotten on tumblr. i was thrilled that good omens season 2 was coming out. i was even more thrilled to see neil gaiman on tumblr. so i sent him an ask where i asked if crowley and aziraphale would kiss. i get why that was annoying. he probably got those asks all the time. but i worded it respectfully, and i was genuinely unaware that he was annoyed by this question

he responded to my ask with a multi paragraph callout post talking about how sick of this question he was. harsh, but not necessarily nefarious

the response wasnt the problem. it was that i got so many hate comments and death threats and people telling me i didnt deserve joy and i was ruining neils life and so many fucking anon "kys" asks that i had to quit tumblr. i tried to apologize to neil, i sent him countless apology asks where i begged him to ask people to stop cyber bullying me, but he never responded. it took years before i was able to communicate to him all the hate id received. his response was a basic "sorry for the miscommunication" and that he wished there was a way to convey tone on the internet (someone said "there is! tonetags!!" and he responded with "i dont like those"). the SAME COMMUNITY who told me to kms was suddenly saying "oh neil your such a saint" (THE TERM SAINT WAS USED MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!) and "this poor ignorant child"

i was a kid and i was bullied off the internet and neil didnt respond to my pleas for forgiveness for almost 2 years. i was also in the most unstable time of my life. i was EXTREMELY suicidal. people telling me to kms deeply affected me

plus he reblogs a ton of "vote blue no matter who" stuff. i dont agree w that statement but i think its okay for people to say if they actively support palestine. but neil gaiman doesnt post about palestine ever other than reblogging posts that say "sure maybe the stuff in palestine is bad but if you dont support biden 100% democracy will crumble!!!" also im pretty sure he never apologized for some older zionist posts

ive seen a lot of stuff where people are saying "hey shhh its okay i see good omens fans getting sad bc of the stuff with neil but its ok!! youre still a good person even if you ignore this issue!!" and like. huh??? i dont think ignoring it makes you evil but its certainly fucked up to not be critical of the media you consume. pretending nothings going on is immature. you all sound like jk rowling fans smh

his general attitude towards fans makes me uncomfortable. ive seen people bare their souls in his asks (all of them start with something along the lines of "oh sir mister gaiman sir i am nothing but a disgusting peon compared to you you saved my life id die for you!!!") and he gives rude cold responses. i mean of course he gets annoyed and of course he gets spam but no one is forcing him to respond to asks. he doesnt seem to care very much??? this doesnt make him a bad person ofcourse but it does give me the ick

summary: even if he didnt s/a those women his fans need to grow up. he is not a pure perfect person. he might not be evil but he makes some extremely damaging choices. hes not a saint and never has been. at the end of the day, hes a rich cishet white man

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

tsc thoughts while reading (beware of spoilers) starting with -

david wymack my fucking beloved

also i never rlly liked/cared for thea but her scene with jean and her nickname for him was cute

chapter 3 thoughts:

jeremy being in awe of neil and the foxes is giving me life

fanfics with alvarez in them gonna go crazy now that we actually have a first name for her (and don’t have to invent one)

oh they rich rich (in reference to jeremy’s family butler?!)

jerejean first interaction!!!!

chapter 4:

omg sunshine court mentioned

having the sudden realisation that i can never read fanfics that have jean’s perspective or anything about the how the ravens work, raven!neil/aftermath of the kings men in the same way again

my neighbours are having a party and while i’m loving the music and absolutely jealous i’m not there, it’s really distracting me from reading

ngl i rlly miss neil and andrew and the foxes please let me see my family soon

‘ what you hold onto is less important than the act of holding on itself’ nora sakavic shut the fuck up you philosophical genius i’m gonna cry this is so real to me

renee i love u

WIT WTF JEAN IS NINETEEN I DIDNT KNOW THAT OH MY GOD BABY HE JOINED THE RAVEN LINEUP AT SIXTEEN WTF

i’m drinking red wine while reading and i think that’s appropriate… also i’m listening to that jean moreau playlist someone made and it’s mega depressing https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5zlPt63Ap0AjJQ1Ff5OKrd?si=75oEzLE8SO-bfJwewM8Evw&pi=a-ge04jIlVTJGY

this is so funny to only me but i’ve been hyperfixating on one direction again and zayn just dropped new music so everytime i read about jean’s raven roomate zane i think of one direction and confused myself a bit about what fandom i’m reading rn

fuck riko u sick fucking fuck u put jean into a box with a singular hole for air and left him to die u fucking cunt

KEVIN ASKING JEAN TO PROMISE NOT TO KILL HIMSELF AFTER NORA WROTE COUNTLESS DRAFTS IN WHICH JEAN KILLED HIMSELF WHILE ON THE PHONE TO KEVIN AND THE ONLY TIME SHE DIDNT KILL JEAN OFF IS THE VERSION SHE PUBLISHED AND THE REASON WE GET TO HEAR HIS STORY TODAY IM SO BROKEN

jean’s ‘gift’ from the ravens with his broken magnets, blacked out postcards and angry letters is making me cry he deserves so much better

slowly realising that this book is gonna be super triggering lol whoops

a cool evening breeze 🥲

THAT CREEPY LITTLE GOALKEEPER IS MY FAVOURITE GUY OK

‘kevin saw nothingn but the court, but jean had stopped hoping for more than that years ago’ shut the fuckkkk uppppp i cant do this anymore kevin/jean relationship is so deeply important to me (i say this about everything)

chapter 5:

SECOND NEIL/ JEAN INTERACTION OF THE BOOK IM SO FUCKING EXCITED

‘of course it’d be you, you tedious malcontent’ ‘good morning to you too’ is so ‘morning sunshine’ ‘fuck you’ coded (neil and matt bromance confirmed)

the amount of mitski on this jean playlist is making me sick

FUCKING SCREAMING OMFG THIS IS THE JEAN/NEIL CONTENT I YEARN FOR

‘abominable cockroach’ aww jean u say the sweetest things 🥰❤️ neil loves u too babe

literally devouring every last scrap of information jean feeds us about neil - his slow, hungry, hateful smile and the madness in his eyes (neil baby i love u never change)

oh jean don’t diss aaron, do u know how many fanfics have been written about u two

tsc is confirmation that jean moreau will come into ur house and judge u based on the contents of ur fridge (and then throw out ur stash of lollies)

‘to have a real match as a palate cleanser’ jean is really trying to win my favour by borrowing neil’s sassiness huh (no wonder i love them so much together) ((and yes i know he’s BEEN sassy ok))

jean reaching for the tv screen as if he could save neil and describing andrew running for neil as if hell was on his heels is making me absolutely giddy idk whether to scream or cry i’m doing both and i’m giggling

I bet on losing dogs is so jean moreau coded omg

holy fuck nora, the moments after the raven/fox match when riko tries to kill neil is fucking amazingly written. reading from jean’s perspective as he watches the game on tv, the tension, the breathless anxiety and confusion of the scene is palpable i coukd fucking taste it, my chest is tight just reading it

JEAN SAYING ANDREW WILL BE COURT IS IMMACULATE

[writingpuddle]

just had to say, i loved your tags on that post about the upperclassmen and how they treat kevin/andrew/neil. fandom tends to work on this "they're all assholes" beliefs, and it's not necessarily untrue. but i think people tend to forget just how unlikeable kevin and andrew are from the upperclassmens perspective. i think people also forget the upperclassmen didn't just blindly love neil. for all his faults, like you said, he was pretty chill. he was much easier to get along with and it helped massively that unlike kevin/andrew he actually wanted to make a connection with the upperclassmen.

im glad my tags resonated with you! i have this half-cooked thesis that maybe one day i'll get around to fleshing out about the difference between individual responsibility and collective responsibility that i always think about when i see this conversation pop up--something about how yes, we as a society have a responsibility to people who have been harmed to try and help them recover, but that responsibility doesnt actually apply to every individual person. in this case, the idea that wymack founded the foxes (an institution) in order to help people move forward and build a future doesnt mean that every individual involved in the foxes has to invest all their energy in that same goal. in fact its pretty wild to expect every beneficiary of a service to simultaneously provide it to those around them.

the institution has to be be fair, has to provide help independent of some arbitrary category of 'deserving' but individuals...dont have to do that. every fox signed on to escape their own nightmare, not to help fix the other foxes. the upperclassmen have no responsibility to reach out to kevin and andrew when they have been so hostile in return. wymack has to, because he made a commitment to doing so. the upperclassmen didnt.

and as you said--the question of why the upperclassmen were nicer to neil is straightforwardly answered by he wasnt mean to them. he was sometimes unnecessarily blunt or rude (if we got what we deserved we wouldnt be foxes) but he was also the one who gave them awed compliments when he first started playing with them. he was the one who said we can win this. he was the one who shut kevin up when he started to be negative.

he was easy to like. part of that was intentional on his part--not that he was intentionally being likeable, but he was trying to portray himself to be less antagonistic than he really is. he tells us quite explicitly that he is portraying 'neil' to be meeker than his natural instincts, so he hangs out with the upperclassmen and is mostly at least neutral in terms of social hangouts and when it comes to exy he is extremely positive. and despite his occasional snaps at the upperclassmen, he actually rarely lashes out when its not deserved. his temper is reserved for riko and people who support him. kevin and andrew lash out at the upperclassmen in their own ways, and avoid them in many other circumstances, for reasons that are often obscure without neils insider knowledge. it isnt morally wrong to like someone who is easier to be around.

'why are they nicer to neil' because neil was nicer to them. thats how human interaction works. doesnt mean andrew and kevin didnt deserve help--but the person to provide that was the person who made a commitment to do it, not the people who just happened to be--effectively--their coworkers.

to sum up: everyone deserves human decency from everyone, but not everyone deserves friendship from everyone.

i guess--i dont want to get too antagonistic about this myself, because i actually doubt that many people have super simplistic views on this topic, theres just the occasional oversimplified post that gains a bit of traction. but i do think theres also a very fascinating tendency for people to try and make aftg into a neat didactic story about reaching out to people to understand them because neil reached out to andrew and it worked (and arguably saved both of them). but aftg isnt didactic. its not a prescription for how to behave. its made up. in real life, if i met andrew and it wasnt my job to help him, i would avoid him like the plague. sorry. i love him as a fictional character and i love him because i know his story but holy fuck i would not spend a minute in his company if i didnt have to.

friendship isnt social work. emotions arent activism. the upperclassmen didnt owe andrew and kevin their sympathy or their time just because they were traumatized. you cant control peoples emotional reactions to how they are treated. kevin and andrew treated them badly. neil largely didnt. thems, as they say, the breaks.

[ihni]

The hospital room is surprisingly cozy, for a hospital room. The walls aren't white, but a light green. There's a small plant in a pot on the windowsill, and a pile of newspapers on the table by the wall. One of them is open on the crossword page. It's only half done, a pencil lying on the page, forgotten, as if whoever tried to solve it gave up halfway through.

There's a chequered blanket on the bed, and an unmoving man lying under it. He's been there for a long time. The nurses don't mention the blanket, or the newspapers, or the plant. They know not to fight a dying man's family on the little things that might bring them comfort.

And the man in the bed is dying.

Neil Hargrove is dying.

He hasn't managed to eat at all for three days. Hasn't woken up for the last twenty-four hours. They've got him on a drip, but no one expects him to last much longer when he can't even drink. His mouth doesn't close anymore, and his jaw hangs open as if dislocated. His breath smells sour. Something rattles in his chest when he breathes, and his breaths are increasigly labored.

Billy sits in a chair by the bed, head in his hands, watching his father as he slowly withers away. Neil's hands are lying on top of the blanket, the skin of his hands like paper that has been out in the rain and then left to dry. The hands that have caused Billy so much pain now look like the fingers would snap if someone applied just the slightest bit of pressure. They look out of place, on the red and brown woollen fabric of the blanket. Soft, almost. Old. Alone.

Billy is sitting close. He could reach out, hold his father's hand as he dies.

He doesn't.

A knock on the doorframe and a rustle of someone moving behind him. Billy doesn't turn around.

"Hey," Steve says. "Have you been here all night?"

Billy doesn't answer. It's obvious that he has. He's still wearing the same clothes as he has been wearing forthe last two days, and he doesn't want to think of what his hair must look like by now. Besides, Steve would know if he'd left - they share a motel room while they're in town, after all.

A sigh, then, "Any change?"

He doesn't ask if Neil is doing better. Everyone knows how this is going to end, and it's not with Neil Hargrove's miraculous recovery.

"No," Billy says.

A coffee cup appears by his side, and he takes it, grateful. A hand lingers there, hovering as if the owner wants to touch but doesn't know if it would be welcome. Billy takes it (like he didnt take Neil's) and presses a kiss to the knuckles before giving it a squeeze and pressing it against his cheek. Steve gets the hint, and strokes his fingers over Billy's skin. His touch is comforting and gentle, like Neil's has never been.

Billy closes his eyes and allows himself a moment to feel the crushing weight of reality. Just a moment, before he opens his eyes again. Takes a sip of the coffee, and turns his attention back to the shell of his father, wasting away in the hospital bed.

"You sure you don't want to take a break, babe?" Steve asks. He's careful about it. Not demanding. They've already fought about this, several times. "Half an hour? Just to go back to the motel for a quick shower?"

Billy hears what Steve is trying hard not to say.

Steve doesn't think that Neil Hargrove deserves Billy being here. Thinks he deserves to die alone and forgotten in this hospital bed, after all the pain and suffering he put his family through. And it's not that Billy disagrees with him. He knows his dad is a piece of shit. But this is more than about what Neil deserves.

It's about Billy. And Neil is Billy's only living blood relative, and even though he has been a bastard for most of Billy's life, even though he has caused Billy so much pain and anguish ... he is still Billy's dad.

And he is dying.

And Billy needs to be there.

"I'm sure." He swallows, trying to force the sudden tears back. Fails. Attempts a smile that feels like a grimace. "Thanks."

Steve sees through him. Hugs him from behind, and doesn't say anything as Billy cries silent tears at his dying father's bedside. Billy is grateful for the silence. He knows what Steve wants to say, knows it all too well. Feels an echo of it in hos own heart, and knows the truth of it.

Neil Hargrove is a bad man. He doesn't deserve Billy's tears.

But Billy sheds them anyway.

He's crying, even though Neil hasn't even died yet, and he's not entirely sure what it is he's mourning for. He's pretty sure it's not the man himself.

Perhaps he's mourning his own ruined childhood. Perhaps, a father he never got to have. Or maybe the relationship they could have had, had Neil Hargrove been a better person.

He about about his past self, and his mother, and the father he wanted so desperately to love him. He cries about everything that happened between them, and everything they never had. He cries about the man behind him, who is leaning his head against Billy's back, with his arms around Billy's chest, holding him gently and making him feel so safe, so loved, so cared for.

As his father slowly dies in a hospital bed an arm's length away, Billy cries about it all.

His father is close, his powerless hands within reach where they're resting on the blanket. But Billy doesn't reach out for him. Doesn't reach out for the man who may have raised him, but never loved him.

Instead he lets himself be held by the man who does.

[yourfavvgal]

im not sure if anyone has mentioned this before (people probably have!!)

but when mr keating was saying ‘oh yeah everyone here will turn cold and die’ neil was obviously SUPER uncomfortable while hes talking about it

but when hes stood at his fathers desk, hes calm. his mind isnt telling him ���dont do this’. hes not overreacting or crying, hes comfortable with what hes doing

[that-1-nocturnal-creature]

I FUCKING LOVED THE SUNSHINE COURT

(Spoilers)

GOING FERAL???!

THE WAY JEAN AND NEIL ARE FOILS OF EACH OTHER????

JEAN IS SO FUCKING YOUNG

AHHHHHHHH HES SUCH AN ICON TOO

USC USC OMG OMG THE TROJANS???? HELLO?? CAT AND LAILA 🫶🫶 CODYYYY, XAIVIERRRRR, JEREMEYYYYY(also genuinely fuck Lucas and Grayson they can eat my entire ass and the shit that comes with it)

THE ANDREIL CRUMBS???? NEIL JOSTEN IS FUCKIGN AWESOME, I LOVE THAT SASSY LITTLE MAN??? BOTH HIM AND JEAN DESERVE EVERYTHINGGGG!!!! MORE KEVLORE!!

RENEE AND WYMACK AND ABBY??? “Buy some fucking clothes” WYMACK DID NOT NEED ANOTHER HOMELESS NEIL SITUATION!!!!!

I NEED MORE, NORA WTF??? DONT LEAVE ME HANGIMG LIKE THIS

JEAN BB U DIDNT DESERVE IT

I HAVE SO MANY FEELS!!! I CRIED???

Thanks for reading my incoherent rant of thoughts

[mockingbirdshymn]

rating camp camp pairings

because i ran out of ideas for posts and saw someone else do this a few years ago so swoop the idea is mine now

nerriston - 10000000/10

i love them. ok. i really do theyre super cool. it make sense like. they have a perfect dynamic. theyre cute. we have magician who has anxiety, cocky loud theatre kid who does not give a shit, and short dnd nerd who would beat your ass and probably carries in all the groceries at once. LIKE. its perfect. it literally is the best

im equally as loving of presner/harriston/nerrison but nerriston is my main otp

presnurf - fuck you/10

hacks gags dies

presmax - 1/10

personally i dont see this? and its not because they havent interacted, mostly because their personalities don't mesh well imo? not to say that opposites don't attract, thats the building ground for so many good ships, but with them its just. kind of just pure annoyance any time they interact. and unlike nerrison, it's not a continuing thing that makes it a rivalry and has layers to it (ex. background interactions, like at the lake lilac summer social), with max and preston its just general annoyance any time they bump into each other.

plus i hc preston to be 14 and max is canonically 10 and while my headcanons arent canon, that interpretation of mine makes it a very much no go for me

neil x harrison - 3/10

not for me, but i can 100% see it

again though, i hc harrison to be 14 and neil is canonically 11, so,,, another dealbreaker for my bc of this headcanon

nerikki - 3/10

definitely compatible, and if it werent for the fact i have a sturdy hc on cc campers' ages, i feel i could like it?

but 14yo x 10yo is a big nono for me

ered x nikki - 1/10

for me it feels like nikki has a crush on ered in the same way kids tend to have crushes and idolize people older than them. like how someone may like their friend's way older brother, even though hes like 6 years older, but it dies out once they mature and stop idolizing him.

ered is either 15 or 16 in my headcanons, and nikki is canonically 10, so,, nikki can have a crush on ered in the same way kids have crushes on celebrities, but for ered to act on that would be very very bad

ered x nerris - 6/10

can see it, not my favorite, but i can definitely enjoy content from it (like fanart or fics) if its not the main focus.

ered x dolph - 1/10

sir, dolph is like literally the youngest. ered is the oldest pls stop (ik the eggs benefits episode was what started a lot of ships but. but cmon)

honestly though i rlly like the idea of them as older sister younger brother type of dynamic, tho ive not seen many people hc that if any

space kid x dolph - 8/10

i like them as friends more but i can definitely see it and enjoy it!! either romantic or platonic, i really love their (imagined bc they never interact lmfao) dynamic, and theyd mesh together very well personality-wise. both are clueless (dolph because he doesnt pick up on things well/holds a very positive view on everything, and space kid because his brain is like a pinball machine), and both have no friends/are generally excluded from everyone else due to their differences.

makki - 9/10

at first didnt like it at all, i like it now though!! dont have much of a reason for this, just think it's cute. angsty boy and feral girl. max would be moping and nikki would bring him a cool rock and he would not understand why but keep it anyway

maxneil - 10/10

"mandatory gay pairing for every main characters" is what someone from a random youtube video from like 4 years ago would say

though i rlly like it. guy who doesnt care at all and guy who overexplains absolutely everything/cares too much. max would ask a retoric question and neil would go into a ramble. max annoying the absolute shit out of neil and neil just. loudly sighing

neil x nikki - 1/10

i headcanon them as stepsiblings after parents day!! before i used to like it, but the fact their parents boned and nikki discussed being siblings killed that for me

nurf x a cactus - 10/10

he deserves to be prickled

neil x tabii - 1/10

i dont like fics where they're together as adults if im honest. as much as i adore tabii, her borderline obsession with neil makes him uncomfortble and i dont think it'd really be healthy at all. hes made it clear he doesnt like her

max x sasha - 7/10

can def see it! two bitchy assholes, though i dont like the idea all too much. would need someone else in the relationship to balance it out, or else its just kind of two dicks doing back and forth

pikeman x sasha - 8/10

it would not be healthy but by fucking christ it would be hilarious

sasha would be the gold digger and pikeman wouldnt know how to speak to a woman and it would be great

nikki x sasha - 5 to 8/10

nikki was bullied by sasha a lot, also sasha is kind of a dick, but they could be cute if sasha got over herself and started to be actually decent. with care put into it, it would be cute in a storyline of "girl forced to be perfect her entire life and externalizes this onto others, learns to embrace her true self through realizing that girl who is messy and doesnt care about how she looks is happy"

or maybe i just really like mabel x pacifica. its one or the other

tabii x erin - 8/10

very cute!! i liked how they acted at the end of the lake lilac summer social, but they work more as best friends in my opinion? badass besties who would wingman each other and tell each other everything in sleepovers. but at the same time, i do love gay people.

erin x neil - 7/10

SIGH if only erin got more character development. it could have been very cute. mostly because erin deserved someone who liked her for something other than her loks, which shed been pressured to prioritize just all of the time. also neil and erin could bounce ideas off each other?? and once more, pathetic bf x badass gf

erin x snake - 2/10

there wasnt much between them outside of "omg hes cute" without much emotion put into it, yk? which is funny because i like snake x tabii which wasnt too different but whatever

snake x tabii - 8/10

TABII WAS A DICK TO HIM BUT OH MY GOD IT WOULD BE SO CUTE

forever crying about that. they would go so well together????? tabii deserves someone who thinks shes pretty i really like tabii and she and snake would be badasses together and i and i and i

pikeman x snake - 3/10

do not like it personally. mostly because pikeman's an asshole but yk

camper x counselor - wtf/10

daniel x david - 4/10

definitely not for me!! can be cute i guess, especially in aus where daniel isnt a cultist, but i dont think david would ever fall for a child murderer

david x gwen - 20/10

i love them. i love them so much. goes into my favorite trope of badass wife x too scared to ask for katchup at a ristraunt husband

david x jasper - 10/10

pre-jasper death only. post-jasper death and thats creepy because jasper is literally still a child

pre-jasper death and in aus where jasper lives, i will gobble that shit up like a starving turkey. i literally love it so much. like??? i cant explain why. plus ive read so many good fics with it that i am unable to hate it.

gwen x jen - 3/10

jen has appeared a total of one time for exactly 5 seconds. but in aus where shes given a character and isnt a murderer then i think it could work

daniel x jen - 5/10

never interacted (as if im one to talk with my nerriston bullshit) but cultist x cultist can be made interesting

cameron x priss - 9/10

could either be 1 of 2 things

your grandparents that keep fighting all of the time but love each other

two irresponsible grandparents that teach the child how to make an explosive

they seemed to have a sort of romantic connection and it wasnt all sexual attraction, and cameron's fear of comitment was the only thing really stopping them from enjoying a presumably happy and healthy marriage

platypus x food - 10/10

a match made in heaven