#he did mean that the villains in star wars were the military and he would have been on that side bc he was in the military irl

[ccliffjumperr]

It's definitely worth a watch/read one day when you feel like it! I do definitely get that though as well but hughes is definitely not a fascist and is one of the few actually fighting for a democratic system within the story.

Congrats to mr duck though, if he wins that poll it's also well deserved!

wait that's RIGHT it's a book too!!! i can read it!! shows are hard for me to get into but i like books/graphic novels/manga

[thetygre]

The thing of Kreia is that she's not 100% comparable to Senator Armstrong and Dagoth Ur on the 'Video Game Villains Who Kind of Had a Point' scale. All three characters follow the same basic pattern;

Villain: I have a problem with [thing]!

Player: Yeah! Screw [thing]!

Villain: That's why I'm going to kill millions of people!

Player: Yeahhhh wait- No, that's bad.

Villain: [Player Character], you were victimized by and survived [thing], and look how cool you are! You should join me!

And then the big final boss fight starts, you get the picture. It's that last part that doesn't quite add up. In Metal Gear, Raiden is a victim of the military industrial complex; he was a literal child soldier, and later would go on to be so wounded that he would have to be half machine to survive. In Morrowind, the Nerevar, regardless of what race or path you choose, starts as a prisoner of the Empire. But in Knights of the Old Republic 2, the Jedi Exile isn't really a victim of anything done by the Force.

Yes, the Exile is kicked out of the Jedi, but the Jedi are just a group of people, and their politics don't really affect the Exile's (or any anybody else's) connection to the Force. It was the Exile themselves who chose to disconnect from the Force as a means of escaping unimaginable psychic pain. That fact is even central to Kreia's ideation of the Exile; that they were strong enough to cut themselves off from the Force and go on living their life. Put simply, the Jedi Exile has no beef with the Force.

But Kreia wasn't just appealing to the Exile, the player character; she was trying to appeal to the player. Because when Kreia talks about the Force in KotOR 2, it's not just the Force, but the entire moral system of the Star Wars franchise. The whole game, even the parts that aren't about Jedi, is about questioning Star Wars. Why are we fighting so hard for the Republic? Does the galaxy even perceive a difference between Sith and Jedi? Isn't this just a constant cycle of war for a bunch of space wizards?

I think Kreia was speaking to the player on a meta-level. Even in 2005, when KotOR 2 came out, franchise fatigue was beginning to set in. To be fair, it seemed like a good time to get meta and start asking some introspective questions about Star Wars, especially within the Expanded Universe. This was the same year Revenge of the Sith came out; the story was done being told now.

Surely it couldn't go on forever, right? Surely this was the end? How long did Star Wars really have? I mean could you imagine dragging Star Wars out for decades? Telling the same stories about the same characters over and over again? A never-ending deluge of spin-offs? An endless stream of content, with no end in sight? It can't be done, right?

Right?

Right?

[deadcactuswalking]

Super Mario 3D Land: Pacifist Run

So, I really like Super Mario 3D Land. Nintendo’s 2011 effort to create a 3D platformer on the 3DS resulted in a breezy, pleasant game with the aesthetic of a messy toy box. It’s incredibly easy to pick up and for someone who barely plays video games, it’s comforting to have, I’ve 100%’d it twice, which is twice more than I think any other game I’ve played. I’m… not very good at video games. But you know what game I am good at? Super Mario 3D Land. What I never considered, however, is if I could beat the game completely harmlessly. You can’t, it’s not possible, the main point of the Mario game is that Mario jump on the turtle and win, but let’s see just how much you can avoid.

content warning: language, gore, constant talk about murder and/or manslaughter in reference to cartoon animals (I believe this is what the ESRB considers "cartoon mischief")

Ground Rules

Let’s make this clear. There is an obvious and evident villain of the game, Bowser, and he is a criminal. By all means, it is just and moral to defeat Bowser, who has a large civilian military that encroaches onto Mushroom Kingdom territory and several forts that contain prisoners held without reason – Toads – not to mention he kidnapped the Princess. It’s difficult to call one man versus an entire bestiary a ‘war’, but if police were to catch Bowser, I believe murder is reasonable force considering his strength, stature, weapons being built into his shell, and his impressive amount of people going to bat for him: he’s like an organized crime boss, so if Toadsworth was an officer back in the day, you’d best believe there would be a shoot-out. ACAB includes Toadsworth, by the way.

Speaking of organized crime, I think Boom Boom and Pom Pom would also legally be considered as members of the criminal gang in the way that other enemies cannot. Generally, despite being referred to as ‘enemies’, the characters across the game are more obstacles that hurt the player, but not always intentionally or even reasonably. Like, why should that stupid idiot mushroom bumping into you actually substantially harm you? It’s of completely unreasonable force to stomp on it until it dies. Even those who go out of their way to harm Mario can kind of be explained away. Hammer Bros and Rocky Wrenches use construction gear as weaponry, and assuming they are aware of the ability of Mario and Luigi to jump abnormally high and murder them via one jump, whilst a hammer or wrench will take two to three hits to kill the player, this is reasonable force. Piranha Plants and Chain Chomps bite you, but they’re stray animals. You don’t kill a stray dog for no reason other than it could potentially harm you, and Piranha Plants are, well, plants, with teeth. We don’t kill those, we research those. We will look at more specific exceptions as they appear.

Thirdly, I cannot use power-ups, really. If I gain a Fire or Boomerang Flower, which would be silly because it would be dangerous for me to use them, I can’t actually shoot any enemies, only blocks and coins – which aren’t off-limits because I don’t believe Bowser turned Toads into them, and even if he did, that’s their L, not mine. Get good. I can’t use the Super Star because it would essentially be like running around enflamed onto the streets, and I can’t use the Tanuki Suit. Because of woke. I can however use a Super Mushroom and grab 1Ups (not that I need them, I have like 300 lives) because eating mushrooms may be gross but not really unethical. I’m also not taking warp zones because that feels like cheating. This isn’t a full walkthrough though, I’ll only acknowledge the edge cases and times where I will have to commit an unlawful killing. In Super Mario 3D Land, of course. This is not my diary of real-life murders. I’d put that on WordPress. Let’s-a-go!

World 1

The first two levels, as you’d expect, go largely without issue. I’m playing on a 100% file just to make it easier and less time-consuming, and speaking of the player’s experience, we face the first enemy that you could consider malicious, however it’s clearly not to Mario… or Luigi, I’m playing as Luigi because it’s funnier, and will be describing the player’s character as Luigi from here on. Regardless, we have several Inky Piranha Plants in the level of World 1-2, and they spit ink at the screen which slightly obscures your view of the game. YOUR view, not Luigi. You could definitely say that spitting ink at a camera within the vicinity of spiked balls is dangerous, but for the cameraman, not necessarily the guy in front who is scared for his life on a bridge near spikes, and couldn’t care less about a bit of cave painting.

In World 1-3, most of the level is fine but we come across a tragedy: the forced end-of-level kill, or for the Irish, FEK. I debated whether there was a way to avoid this but it seems not: when you touch the flagpole to finish the level, the five Biddybuds in front of it – they’re little ladybugs – vanish and die simultaneously. I decided that using the Fire Flower to kill them would be even harsher and less ethical as it would be a more painful death and their friends and family would have to watch the moment before it happens to them too. So I’d rather they die peacefully walking around a flag than know those who love them are no longer around to mourn them. That was morbid, but we will swiftly move onto the ethics of castle levels.

Unlike other levels of the game, taking place in grasslands, deserts, caves, mountains, forests or… unclear liminal spaces in the sky wherein blocks and platforms inexplicably reside. These are public spaces, home to much wildlife as well as what can be assumed as permanent, sentient residents such as Toads or even Coin Coffers, which due to their understanding of money’s value, seem to have more human-esque emotional intelligence compared to the more animalistic Goombas or Koopas. However, Bowser’s castles are either forts or homes, and regardless of how you categorise them, those who reside in them are morally grey. For the purposes of this, whilst I obviously don’t agree with the “just following orders” doctrine, I do agree that those who reside in a household do not always reflect those who own the property. Even then, Fire Bars, Lava Bubbles and Thwomps are mostly indestructible scenery and potentially not even sentient. Dry Bones are already dead – you don’t go to a history museum and jump on the skeletons.

Now each castle before World 8 ends with a Tail Bowser, and just like the Fake Bowsers from the original NES games, these are other enemies in disguise, and not really Bowser. We know from Mario’s previous ventures that he is capable of defeating Bowser, but if we stick to the idea that this is one timeline for this one game, Luigi’s use of the switch here to defeat a replica of Bowser, which counts as an unlawful killing, proves that he could potentially defeat the real Bowser, and therefore grants damn near all of the enemies in the castle some level of immunity. By all means, this is either a military incursion or downright home invasion by Luigi – Draglets can breathe fire and Hammer Bros can throw their titular weapons because it is reasonable force to defend a property from a guy who can and will kill your boss. Or at least a version of him. You could even argue that from this point on, any enemy has full reason to kill Luigi because of his unjust actions in murdering a cosplaying Goomba. I’m not here to prove the innocence of any given enemy though, and you can easily avoid all of these enemies anyway, I’m here to discuss how Luigi could sidestep committing unlawful killings, so let’s go to World 2 to see what it has in store.

World 2

World 2-1 introduces Fire Piranha Plants which can shoot fireballs into other enemies – Luigi is not responsible for the cruelty of the animal kingdom. He is responsible for jumping on the flagpole and killing three innocent Piranha Plants in that level and three Paragoombas in the next. World 2-3 introduces the Propeller Hat, a suitable alternative for cannons, which I will discourage use of on the grounds of limiting carbon emissions, but if necessary, they aren’t going to directly lead to deaths, so it’s okay. Also, cutscenes force you to use them before entering an airship level, so they are actually unavoidable.

What will lead to deaths is World 2-4, as there are ‘Baddie Boxes’ – seriously, that’s what they’re called – that spawn Goombas infinitely, and will do so even if there is not a platform under them. Infinitely spawning enemies are likely inauthentic and artificial, created by Bowser – whose head is on these boxes – to harm Mario or Luigi. Killing a Goomba from a Baddie Box or, more accurately, letting one fall into the abyss, is not unlawful, as firstly, it produces a scientific abomination in the form of constantly reproduced Goombas, not an actually contributive member to that area’s biodiversity, and secondly, Luigi didn’t plant the box there, and new Goombas will continue to be reproduced regardless as if they are disposable, whilst if you kill a naturally spawning Goomba at the start of, say, 2-1 and go back, it’s still gone.

That same logic applies to the machinery in airships. I would say that Bowser is likely the manufacturer of these airships, or at least his private military or artillery company is, because his head’s on it. Real egomaniac, this guy. It’s like if Pablo Escobar sold action figures of himself. Boom Boom and Pom Pom are stationed in these airships but I would say they are intelligent and malicious enough to count as compliant to a much further degree. You fight them in a designated chamber with no beds or decoration, and in later airships, they’re coated in spikes or flames. They don’t live here. They hide here to kill you when you get there, and their airships are decked out with flamethrowers, Bullet Bills and Bob-Ombs, which I personally do not think are living. Motion-sensor bombs are motion-sensor bombs regardless of if they have legs or not, and Bullet Bills are just large bullets either shot aimlessly into the abyss or acting as a homing missile. This is artillery with googly eyes, not life. However, Rocky Wrenches are construction workers and whilst they are constructing a military vehicle, it’s very unlikely for them to be throwing wrenches as anything but a precaution. They can’t even see with those fly-ass shades on. As long as they’re throwing wrenches, you can’t kill them. That is an important distinction.

World 3

The cannon seems mandatory in World 3-1 but you can use the eco-friendly Propeller Hat to skip this and climb over the pyramid without killing anything. I think it’s okay to stand on Thwomps but try and avoid the smaller Thwomp creatures, the Wallops. Leave the kids out of it, man. There are also snake-like block creatures called Blokkabloks in this level; I didn’t even notice them on my run-through but I say they’re fair game. They’re man-made objects consisting of blocks, spikes and coins: you don’t have to kill them, but if you wish to, I believe the run still counts as pacifist. In fact, this entire world can be completed without any unlawful killing. You can swim with the fish in 3-2 and run with the bees in 3-4 with relative ease and whilst the tightrope-walking with Fuzzies in 3-4 and the mad rush to avoid killing Biddybuds across white chocolate and cookies, which I’m going to assume was farmed and produced as ethically as possible, are made a tad more difficult, it’s absolutely possible. Not even the airship gives you much trouble. This is immediately reversed in the next world.

World 4

World 4-1 is genuinely a bit difficult when tasked with avoiding killing any enemies, as there are Biddybuds bunched around everywhere, Piranha Plants on levers, etc. It’s a forest bundling with biodiversity, but just make sure to toe carefully. It’s all for nought at the end because there’s a classic FAK with five Para-Biddybuds (they’re the ladybugs from earlier, but with wings). I should note that if the enemies are out of frame when you touch the flagpole, it won’t kill them on screen and you should be fine, but this is rarely actually a relevant tip: they’re either completely unavoidable or you can’t manipulate the camera that way.

World 4-4 is our first Ghost House level, and considering it’s a Ghost… House, I can assume that either it’s a House with Ghosts in it or a House owned by Ghosts. Ghosts can’t sign mortgages because they are intangible, meaning that it’s likely just abandoned and the first option is correct, so Luigi is not committing a home invasion necessarily, he may just be trespassing. All the enemies in this level are already dead but also none of them are unavoidable or easily killable by normal means, so let’s just put a pin in that confusing logic. Other than 4-1, this world goes without a hitch in the pacifist run. A Boomerang Bro is in 4-5, I think it’s fair to see he simply wants to play catch, so you can’t kill him. You can kill the Rocky Wrench in the airship though, specifically the one that throws a Bob-Omb at you. He’s not unavoidable, but still, fuck that guy, he throws bombs. Kill him. It’s in your right to.

World 5

World 5-1 is a Goddamn bloodbath. The first half of the level takes place in a desert with stray Goombas, Boomerang Bros, Pokeys and Sandmaarghs all clearly just hanging out in the wild. However, you enter a door to a dungeon which consist of a rising underground platform – clearly not naturally occurring and similarly unnatural appearances from spiked balls. It could be very possible to avoid those spikes as well as not letting them hit the enemies that appear on the platform like the Boomerang Bros and Sandmaarghs, however the gauntlet is a relatively small platform that gets incredibly full, and the spikes hurt Luigi too, so he would be putting himself in harm’s way to direct the creatures outside of the spike ball’s paths, especially considering some of them are giant spike balls and all of the enemies here are not in a natural habitat but a gauntlet likely planted by Bowser. If anything, Bowser is liable for these deaths, of which there are four: in my run, one Boomerang Bro and three Sandmaarghs perished. I’m sure that could be shortened to two or even one Sandmaargh, but I feel like it is unavoidable to not see at least one enemy perish, and to top that off, we contribute to carbon emissions with the ending cannon. 5-2 is also a dungeon, but this one seems more like a cave or temple, meaning that it’s either at least somewhat natural or a private place of worship, so I don’t blame Bowser for any deaths there, I think it falls squarely on murderous Luigi. The Legend of Zelda tribute level goes smoothly without any killings anyway, but 5-4 does not.

5-4 has you in increasingly tight positions with Morty Moles taking up all available space and Monty Moles coming out of the ground from nowhere. Neither pose a real threat playing through the game normally but are incredibly tedious in a pacifist run considering the limited movement space. I’m sure if you get the rhythms of the Morty Moles completely correct, you can avoid any harm, but the average player is likely to step on the heads of three Morty Moles when jumping across the section populated by that mole posse. Thankfully, these take two hits to kill, so you can safely flatten them and it only counts as grievous bodily harm. Yippee! Additionally, if you really want to ensure no-one gets hurt but yourself, there’s the option to run through the moles and damage-boost to the other side, which isn’t to your benefit and doesn’t change how many enemies are killed but does mean you don’t stomp on anything. I personally think either method is valid for a pacifist run.

As for 5-5, there are Para-Biddybuds near the Flagpole but for once they can be taken out of frame and led to safety if you land on the ground and miss the top of the flagpole. The castle level is also a standard ordeal, as you’re forced to kill one Tail Bowser, which happens to be a Magikoopa this time around, but all other enemies are very avoidable.

World 6

World 6, much like World 3, is completely doable in a pacifist run, but there are some oddities and novelties I’d like to point out. World 6-2 is yet another dungeon of unclear ownership but given its pyramid theme and considerable similarities to 3-1, I can only assume this is preserved for historical reasons and not because anyone other than Blokkabloks and Pokeys reside there. Again, you can probably kill Blokkabloks here, but they’re avoidable enough. 6-3 is yet another Ghost House with several theme park-esque attractions and a library, but given the presence of (again, avoidable) ghost enemies, I doubt these are still running as functioning businesses and even if they were, they’re clearly not successful if all their customers are dead. 6-4 introduces Prongos, whose spiked helmets seem like genuinely unreasonable force, and they do attempt to lunge at Luigi, but when they fail to hit, they land hopelessly in the ground with their ass out, so I say they’re off limits too. Not even the airship level has anything unavoidable, though once again, feel free to kill the bastards who throw bombs, that seems reasonable to me. Also, if you weren’t convinced on Boom Boom and Pom Pom being malicious yet, this airship has Pom Pom throw boomerangs at you in a chamber engulfed in flames. She’s not playing around.

World 7

Fun fact: you can beat World 7-1 in four seconds by just jumping over the pool of water you’re supposed to travel through. It’s easier with the Tanooki Leaf, but as regular-degular Luigi, you can wall-jump off a cliff face and beat the level without even touching the water. This is actually useful in the pacifist run, as it means you don’t need to kill a Piranha Plant that blocks a pipe to the exit from the underwater area, and instead just need to walk far along enough that the Piranha Plant on another pipe near the flagpole is not on camera.

World 7 is probably my favourite world in the game, with some of the most unique level concepts and environments, genuinely tricky and precise platforming, and naturally, given its peculiar, gimmicky levels, most of which use some manmade obstacle course aesthetic, including 7-3’s mixing of it with an organic nighttime setting, this leads to some unique levels for this challenge. Apart from the skip I just mentioned which is some bizarre level of forgetting to playtest, there’s another dungeon of unclear ownership or origin, a tightrope walk that has some close moments with Biddybuds but is otherwise safe, and 7-4, a literal clock.

Probably my favourite level in the game due to its gorgeous and unique texturing as well as a fascinating three-act level structure that has some genuinely risky jumps, it also has a peculiar challenge for the pacifist run as it forces you to get hit by yet another Morty Mole. I tried to see if there was a way I could avoid the Morty Mole in the limited space you have, but the second one you’re forced to encounter involves you either jumping on him twice or damage-boosting through him due to the small container you’re both trapped within. Either way, the Morty Mole can live and there is a flagpole soon after so don’t worry about dying. This clock is also covered in Bob-Ombs which prove their need to be excluded from the run by the fact that some of the Bob-Ombs in this level can fly but still end up falling into pits and sitting there on platforms just allowing themselves to self-destruct. They’re either clearly manmade non-sentient machinery or just utterly stupid: literally or figuratively brainless.

7-5, another one of my favourite levels with its wooden platforms being sawn apart by razors, puts us in a unique dilemma because once again, we are indirectly the cause of deaths by allowing Goombas to remain on platforms we know are going to be sawn and fall into the abyss by the unavoidable sawblades which we can’t manipulate. However, it’s also out of sight, out of mind: when we jump on a flagpole, and the enemies are out of frame, they are still unloaded, and presumably die, we just can’t see them. The player acts as the cameraman as well as the person steering Mario or Luigi, so if the death is not caught on CCTV, there’s little evidence. In the same way that there’s no evidence that we killed the Biddybuds in World 5, as long as I’m fast enough, the player didn’t catch the Goombas falling to their deaths on camera, so as long the airship is no challenge, I’m counting this as an entire world win for the pacifist run… yeah, the airship’s bullshit too.

So firstly, there are Magikoopas all over the place, and I fully think they’re lawful to kill. Not only do they pretty much only ever appear in Ghost Houses, airships and castle levels across the series, but they’re clearly more in kahoots with Bowser and crew due to not just their prominence in these levels, but how Kamek, the leader of the Magikoopas, is one of Bowser’s most loyal minions who even raised him as a child and is incredibly close to Bowser’s own offspring. With that said, my logic is to largely ignore the wider canon and associate them more so with what they do in the level, and sadly, Magikoopas use pretty reasonable force, being magic, which does not exist in real life so has no real comparison, in stark contrast to the Rocky Wrench at the end of the level who once again throws bombs. The morally grey Magikoopas are avoidable, barely, but this guy isn’t, and whilst I’d usually consider him a lawful killing, he blocks the pipe to the boss battle, and is even accompanied by a wrench-throwing mole. Maybe, just maybe, they tag-team Luigi to prevent him from being tag-teamed by Boom Boom and Pom Pom in the boss chamber. Is this bomb thrown out of kindness? Is it reasonable force considering the Rocky Wrench is down in one hit? If we don’t stomp on him and instead throw his bomb back at him, is it fairer? Does the airship setting and increased amount of organised enemy layout constitute a battle of war? There were just too many questions. So I asked a Polish guy, and he said it was lawful. Fuck you, Rocky Wrench.

World 8

Finally, we are onto the last moments of our semi-peaceful adventure. We stand at the last frontier, and the levels do get tougher. There are some trickier jumps, enemies and obstacles are much more plentiful and in some cases, quite bound together in clusters. Just because the levels are more difficult in an average vanilla playthrough, however, does not necessarily constitute an increased difficulty in this challenge, and World 8 surprisingly enough goes by without much of a hitch outside of some now standard ethical questions like Rocky Wrenches which are completely avoidable in 8-3, the castle-dwelling Magikoopas and some spiked balls which you’ll have to be careful and fast to ensure they don’t hit unsuspecting Spinies in 8-1. There’s also a completely pointless cannon in that level as you can both jump to it with the Tanooki Leaf or just use a nearby pipe to get to the flagpole.

Like most worlds, there are some questionable potential home invasions in both the castle levels, the ghost house and 8-5, which is an unclear fortress obstacle course consisting mostly of voids of nothingness, but I question the need to debate the morality of Luigi actually entering these levels when you can easily avoid every enemy contained wherein. Also, there are massive fuck-off Banzai Bills in 8-5 so I can’t imagine this place existing for any other reason than to kill me. Notably, both castle levels – in this world, called ‘Bowser’ levels to differentiate them from more generic castle-themed levels – have the actual crime boss Bowser as the closer, meaning that neither level features an unlawful killing of some random disguised as the villain. Speaking of the villain, albeit tedious, due to that auto-scrolling bone-coaster section at the start and a lengthy Bowser fight I actually had to retry a few times because he kept killing his own Goombas, the final level is absolutely possible, albeit with some offscreen Goombas falling to their deaths in the later sections. He’s obviously liable for those though, considering they’re his employees and he’s destroying the workplace. Just saying. Not Luigi’s fault. Luigi did nothing wrong. Except for the innocents he murdered. Also my control stick started acting up due to how much I played so that’s another death added to your toll, you green-hatted murderer.

Death Tally

If you add morally grey and edge cases, arguably lawful killings, and murders for which there is no clear photographic evidence, the case looks a lot worse for our green fella. However, there are eight clear-cut cases wherein Luigi has been forced to kill to save the Princess, and considering the sheer amount of enemies in the game, that’s not too bad, with most of those being flagpole or switch deaths. If you’re wondering what the other two are, despite the preventable case of 5-1, I’m counting it as I don’t see deaths as avoidable, and I’m also counting the Rocky Wrench in 7-Airship since regardless of the weaponry at its disposal, I fail to see how the Rocky Wrenches are either objectively morally in the wrong nor intelligent and/or capable enough to fully know the gravity of their actions. I think that whilst they can be explained away, they are still not as black and white as say, Bowser or Boom Boom, and hence deserve to be in the objective final kill counter.

Of course, I’d love to see this in action by more technically-talented fans and players. I’m pretty good at the game casually, but I’m no speedrunner who knows all the glitches and tricks, I’m not a modder who knows the ins and outs of enemy behaviour, and I’m not even close to technical enough to try and do a tool-assisted run wherein I can do some frame-precise movements to dodge a Morty Mole or manipulate RNG to ensure the Sandmaarghs are spared. Additionally, I’m not even trying to tackle the special worlds. I have attempted to apply real-word logic to this silly game, and that’s not remotely possible in the bonus worlds which contain repeated, modified editions of prior levels, cosmic clones of Mario and Dry Bowser. It would be way too confusing. But if you got this far anyway, thanks for reading this dry ramble through the first eight worlds of a game I love and cherish, trying to harm as few of its obstacles as possible. I know I review music here, but this was a fun little challenge too.

Credits

I played this on my old 3DS hardware, not an emulator, and I do not possess a capture card because I’m broke so the images provided are from the Super Mario Wiki, not my playthrough. I also cross-referenced my knowledge of the game with their info because they cite their sources very clearly and I consider it one of the most professional fan encyclopedias: it is useful, impressive, organised, usable, constantly improving itself and most importantly, it’s not the SpongeBob one. The images used in this article, including the assets in my logo, are courtesy of Nintendo, but were uploaded by these strong Mario Wiki soldiers: Immewnity, Shokora, 3D Player 2010, 2257, Wildgoosespeeder, L151, PikaSamus, Bro Hammer, The Forgotten Beast, YamiHoshi.nl and user simply called “Mario” so perhaps even the man himself. The picture of the four-second time on 7-1 is from KingBoo97’s tied 2021 world record of the level, available on YouTube.

[zelsisi]

Y’all. I’m coming off of such a heavy dnd session. It literally made me start crying. And when I say the character’s head space is fucked up I fucking mean it

So Thyn. My Tiefling Swords Bard. Is back in an area controlled by his home. He didn’t think that his friends would betray him or that his former lover would start to go insane. But it did happen and it landed them in jail. One party member is pissed off at him and just fucking left the group (mainly cause of the player needing to drop which I can understand). He stopped talking for like the first part of session only really talking once they were like half way through.

Then they’re on this mission and he runs into his former lover again who did the whole Star Wars 7 “TRAITOR” line. He stayed behind with his boyfriend to keep them off of the rest of the group. His boyfriend takes care of occupying three others while Thyn fights his ex lover. Who happens to be the only childhood friend he saw as family to survive the military dictatorship up till this point. I made a FF14 reference of Thyn being like “A rematch eh? How’s the phrasing go again? The Victor shall write the tale and the vanquished become its villain.”

So they fight and Thyn makes the comment of “Are you proud of yourself Maleris?” Maleris asks if Thyn is proud of himself (which he’s really not) and says he’s not letting me run away again. Thyn remarks back of “Running away is no fun after all. But you might as well be proud of yourself cause I can sure as hell tell you no one else is” EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

And everyone in call was like “Ouch”. But they continue fighting and then Thyn gets the upper hand, disarms Maleris and himself, and pins Maleris to the ground and speaks. “I’ve lived with blood on my hands. I’ve lived with the haunting memories of the fallen. I know you have too. I’m used to the anguish it causes me. The nightmares, the sleepless nights.” His expression goes from dark to sad and regretful “I know this will add to it. I will not ask for your forgiveness because I damn well know I won’t get it. Hells! I wouldn’t forgive me and I won’t. Nor will I forgive you Maleris. But I chose this path and you chose yours.” He draws his sheathed dagger and Maleris weakly raises a hand saying something along the lines of “At least you’re stabbing me in the heart from the front” which causes Thyn to start crying “I regret that decision every day of my fucking life. I’m sorry. Even though I’m not going to get your forgiveness.” He raises the dagger up “Say hi to the others. If not that then I’ll see you in hell.” And he plunges the dagger down into Maleris’s heart and as the blood covers his hands and as Maleris fades he says “I didn’t recognize you when I came into harbor. As far as I know the person I cared for is gone.”

Thyn then stands, doesn’t wipe his hands of the blood, switches the dagger to his off hand and grabs his spear as he looks at the other three of his friends. Darkness in his eyes, face and body language as tears pour down his face. Two walk off the third says “We don’t recognize you either”. Thyn screws his eyes shut and more tears come as he bolts for the ship.

They’re on the ship and just as he’s about to go down below deck to disassociate in his room and consider his life choices Hawkins the BBEG comes up from below deck to be right in front of him.

And in his head Thyn thinks he’s a monster. And the fucked up thing is that he wishes he hadn’t faked his death cause then this wouldn’t have happened. And he did so to avoid actually dying cause of him being vocal about everything that the military dictatorship is doing and how it needs to change. So he basically wishes he was dead. But also doesn’t cause then he wouldn’t be here.

He wants to be free. Whether that’s through death or letting go is another matter all together

[buzzdixonwriter]

Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea “The Cyborg”

Among the many things that fascinated little Buzzy boy, submarines ranked high on the list.

So it’s no surprise that I eagerly glommed onto Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea, Irwin Allen’s first TV series.

I was aware of Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea from the comic book based on the original movie long before I saw the feature film.

Trust me, the comic book is a lot better.

Arguably the best of Allen’s four TV series (Lost In Space, The Time Tunnel, and Land Of The Giants fill out the list), Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea nonetheless was a woefully uneven show, vacillating between reasonably well executed straight forward adventure and Allen’s particular / peculiar blend of sci-fi goofiness.

Most of the first season episodes (shot in black and white) were cold war thrillers ala Tom Clancy, though a few loopy sci-fi stories slipped through.*

The remaining seasons were shot in color, rapidly moving deeper and deeper into science fiction territory.  Even as an 11 year old I rapidly grew disappointed with the series but did appreciate the better episodes they produced.

For me at that early age, their best episode ever was “The Cyborg,” written by William Read Woodfield & Allan Balter, directed by Leo Penn, co-starring Victor Buono as Prof. Tabor Ulrich. 

When the episode turned up on YouTube, I decided to rewatch it, curious if memory and nostalgia cast it in a rosy glow.

To my delight, no they didn’t.  “The Cyborg” stands up remarkably well.

Oh, it has a full measure of Allen TV flaws -- black limbo sets more suitable for an off-off-Broadway production as well as heavy reliance on stock footage and lots of it -- but Woodfield & Balter managed to use those in support of their story, not undermine it.  Granted, Buono is over the top as the villain (feh!  When did he ever turn in a performance that wasn’t over the top?), but he’s colorful and amusing as the megalomaniacal (but not mad; oh, no, he’s perfectly sane and rational) Prof. Ulrich, chewing the scant scenery and prop turkey legs with uproarious glee.

Best of all, he has a motive that more than one real world political or military leader has used to justify their crimes against humanity, and while his means are far-fetched, hey, the story is set in the far off future year of 1972 so maybe they would have working cyborgs by then.**

Ulrich’s scheme is to replace the Seaview’s Admiral Nelson (Richard Basehart) with a cyborg double who will mislead the super-sub’s crew into starting World War Three, which Ulrich plans to ride out in his bomb shelter with his cyborg retinue.

To accomplish this he lures Nelson to his lab in stock footage Switzerland where he downloads the admiral’s knowledge and personality into a cyborg double who then returns to the Seaview with a computer program that will trick the crew into thinking World War Three just broke out and they must launch their nuclear weapons.

There is a chilling scene where Captain Crane (David Hedison) and the faux Nelson talk via proto-Zoom to the admiral’s secretary back at the base, telling her to get to a bomb shelter, only for the audience to see the secretary is actually another cyborg double controlled by Ulrich.

Nelson, of course, finally figures out an ingenious way of warning his crew, the cyborg admiral is destroyed, and Ulrich and his lab blow up real good.  In order to achieve this, Nelson must persuade Ulrich’s assistant, Gundi (Brooke Bundy), to help him escape only to realize as the lab melts down that she, too, is a cyborg.

So let’s pause a moment and look at what Woodfield & Balter put on the table on October 17, 1965:

How do we determine what is / is not real, especially when it comes to us electronically?

Can we download knowledge from a human brain and store it electronically?

Can we create Artificial Intelligence that can pass for a real human being?

Can Artificial Intelligence develop a moral and ethical code all on its own?

These are topics of pressing interest today, but Woodfield & Balter articulated them fully almost 60 years ago.

And on an Irwin Allen TV show, to boot.

. . .

As much as I enjoyed “The Cyborg” there was something about it that gnawed at me, something I knew I’d seen elsewhere.

Not the cyborg double; that’s straight out of Fritz Lang’s Metropolis and has been used countless times since then in sci-fi movies / pulps / comic books.

No, there was another TV series with an episode where a villainous scientist replaces a ship’s commanding officer with a duplicate and the hero must figure out how to warn his crew about the imposter.

I’m talking “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” on Star Trek, written by Robert Bloch, directed by James Goldstone, broadcast almost a year to the day later on NBC-TV on Oct. 20, 1966.

This is not one of my favorite Star Trek episodes, despite Bloch having written it.  At first blush it seems close enough to “The Cyborg” for Bloch to have lifted the plot, but it also bears a strong resemblance to Shakespeare’s The Tempest right down to a Caliban-like creature (Ted Cassidy as Ruk) and a female android that serves as a combination Ariel / Miranda (Sherry Jackson as Andrea).

Which of course means it’s only a hop-skip-and-a-“Beam me down, Scotty” from Forbidden Planet, including a vast underground laboratory left by the original inhabitants of the planet.

“What Are Little Girls Made Of?” tries too hard and falls short as a result.

It strives to be Important and Say Important Things and present A Real Grown Up Drama but it lacks all the virtues that serve ”The Cyborg” so well.

Yeah, “The Cyborg” is a comic book story type of episode, but it’s a smart comic book story and the makers knew enough to embrace the absurdity and just plow ahead, letting the smart bits surprise and delight us.  Basehart and Hedison played their parts absolutely straight, but Buono displays such unparalleled exuberance as the misguided scientist that he generates enough audience goodwill to glide the story effortlessly along.

“The Cyborg” offers enough meat on its bones to support a feature length film, and it keeps things moving at a rapid pace without every losing sight of what the story is about.

And dammit, Woodfield & Balter simply wrote a much better script than Bloch did.  Nelson’s ingenious warning is to trigger hand twitches in his cyborg double that tap out a Morse code warning to Crane and the crew; Kirk’s solution is to think of anti-Vulcan racial slurs to imprint on his android double’s mind, alerting Spock by hurling insults at him.***

Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea wasn’t an exceptional TV show, but they did knock one out of the ballpark with “The Cyborg.”

  © Buzz Dixon

  *  Harlan Ellison wrote “The Price Of Doom” for Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea under his Cordwainer Bird pseudonym, breaking an ABC-TV executive’s hip in the process, but that’s another story for another day.

**  Technically Ulrich’s creations are androids, not cyborgs, as they are wholly constructed via artificial means while cyborgs are cybernetic organisms, living beings augmented by hi-tech add-ons and plug-ins.

*** On the other hand, “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” does offer William Shatner lurking in ambush to assault Ted Cassidy with a stalacmite dildo, so there’s that…

[wordgirlprompts]

Wordgirl returns to Lexicon, discovers her parents were both crimelords and also her powers are less being Lexiconian and more her parents wanting a weapon of mass destruction.

Okay, this actually would explain a lot on why an alien race all about language and words, would have superpowers like super strength, laser vision, super hearing etc. You'd think they would have a language-based power since based on all the villains' everybody kinda has a theme. I know Wordgirl has "A vocabulary larger than the average human" But that's just from her reading a ton of books.

- So Wordgirl goes back to Lexicon to finally meet her birth parents, she doesn't intend on staying but she at least owes them a visit now that she has the option. But as they soar through the stars Huggy seems on edge. Becky kinda jocks this up to anxiety on going back to his home ( I mean she's anxious too). But OH BOY, even though he really doesn't want to go back and have Becky find out about everything. She deserves to know the history she can't find in books, even if deep down he knows it won't end well. But he came prepared and he knows the kid will kick ass if she needs to.

- As they land and park in a cave on the outskirts, Becky was expecting a blossoming futuristic city or maybe at least a village or a town. But it was really just yellow and red desert. That would be the case if there wasn't a huge wall with towers and monkeys as guards, enwrapping some sort of huge base. It reminded her of a prison, but she gave this the benefit of the doubt, and maybe Lexicon was just a really alert gated community.

- Immediately, all the monkey guards recognized Captain Huggyface for he was a general that was long thought dead. He was a hero in many galactic ship wars, saved lives, yadda yadda you get the gist of how important Huggy was. (The title captain isn't for nothing). So just upon seeing him, they open the gates immediately for them and without question. But upon seeing Becky, everybody was intimidated and afraid. As if she was a ticking time bomb.

- Speaking of the Lexiconians, they look nothing like her. If anything they look more like Ms. Power, but everybody's skin was a scaly green, brown, or dirty yellow and had bright yellow lizard eyes. Everybody also wore identical yellow and red jumpsuits. You could differentiate them from height, body shape, head shape, etc. They were like lizard people basically, just without the tail and lizard-like qualities. The Lexiconians also spoke in a language that Becky has never heard before, yet can understand as if she was fluent. It was kinda like her talking to Huggy.

- "Hey Huggy... Are we on the right planet? Everybody doesn't look like me."

"Yeah we're on Lexicon, just don't worry about the stares and stay close to me no matter what. We're almost at your parent's place."

- Turns out Lexicon is a military planet known for its war crimes against multiple intergalactic governments, and her parents are the leaders/lords of the planet.

- Becky turns out was the second successful bioweapon of Lexicon and what was going to be a soldier from "birth" (Or creation). Basically using the vulnerable and squishy form of a human as a defense mechanism to get the enemy's guard down and then attack with their powers at full force. She not only had superpowers, but she could also understand every language effortlessly (Lexicon did pride themselves in their linguists y'know?)

- Her "parents" entrusted their famous general to train their little science experiment for them, not really wanting a connection with Becky and they were already training one (Who grew up to be Ms. Power). But Huggy has a soul and recognizes this is a living sentient little being. He decides to take her away to earth, his leaders thinking he's taking her away to one of their neighboring military planets. While he did destroy any tracking devices beforehand, he intentionally crashed the ship just in case there was a slight hint of a signal from here to Lexicon.

- Her parents act like Becky is their long-lost daughter but it's really all a facade so she would stay. They acted and talked like Ms. Power so similarly, that Becky almost had a trauma-induced panic attack.

- The star of Lexicon represents that they will burn anyone and anything, while also burning bright themselves.

- To say Becky and Huggy hauled ass as soon as she gave the word was an understatement. They barely escaped with an inch of their life.

- Becky was very depressed after the little family reunion she had, worried she'll grow up to be like Ms. Power. But Huggy reassures that even though her parents intended on creating a weapon, they messed up and created a person with great power instead. The reason why Huggy lied and took her away to a planet was so she can lead a happy life and he succeeded in that. While Becky is comforted by this and doesn't claim those people to be her parents, this event will lead to a lot more depressed and anxiety-induced episodes in her life. She doesn't turn evil but she just needs a lot more therapy than she already did.

- The only good that came out of it was that it made her passion to be a hero stronger, wanting to prove her birth-parents wrong and reclaiming the star symbol. (Also appreciating the Botsfords more than she already did)

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

"I have some problems with [Luke] as a character)" was mentioned in your Reylo response post. Very interested in what your thoughts are on Luke! 👀

Do you want me to get murdered?! Well, if I didn’t get lynched for calling Sirius Black a Stephen King villain I can surely do no worse here.

Let’s do this.

Caveat that, as usual, I am wearing a heretic hat and expect no one to agree with what I’m saying.

Luke Skywalker, much like Harry Potter, is not the character the authors and vast majority of the audience seem to think he is. Luke is seen as the true coming of the Jedi, the light side of the Force incarnate, and someone so innately good he was able to redeem his father, restore peace to the galaxy, and restore the Jedi Order.

I disagree with all of this.

I think this is what Luke thinks he did but the truth is far sadder and, well, in general worse.

First, let’s start off with Luke’s hero’s journey throughout the saga.

Luke starts your ordinary guy, he’s not bad by any means, but he’s not particularly good either. He lives in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, part of a relatively well off family, and set to inherit the world’s most boring business: moisture farming. He has dreams of going out, seeing the world, and becoming a great pilot.

Important to remember but what most people gloss over: Luke starts if not pro-empire then neutral towards it. Luke wants to attend flight school, given his desire for glory and adventure, he probably wants to join the empire’s military. He might not like Storm Troopers all that much but the fire of revolution doesn’t burn in his heart the way it does Leia’s.

Now, personally, I like this about Luke. It makes sense to me. Given where and how Luke grows up, given all he’s ever known, I think this makes perfect sense for his viewpoint. He might get hassled by stormtroopers now and then but the empire really doesn’t interfere with his life except in a) propaganda b) offering an escape from his dull existence. What would someone like Luke know about the Rebel Alliance?

The movie however... sort of goes out of its way not to acknowledge this, and this is where I start having problems with Luke. Luke gets Leia’s message about Obi-Wan Kenobi, sees the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life, and gets to embark on this amazing adventure. The story sort of takes it for granted that he then agrees with old hermit, Obi-Wan, that the empire is evil. This is helped because Luke does too.

In other words, Luke’s opinions are very shallow and lack any introspection. Finding himself in the company of Jedi, smugglers, and hot rebel princesses, Luke suddenly goes, “Ah, yeah, I hate the empire!” We never really see him change his mind by reflecting over what the Death Star means/the destruction of Alderaan, the death of his relatives, or his meeting with Darth Vader. Luke seems to be won over... Honestly, it feels like it’s because the Rebel Alliance let him fly a plane before the Empire did.

Then he blows up the Death Star, is a galactic hero/enemy number one of the empire, and he’s full on board resistance man and the next Jedi.

Which brings us to point number two, Luke legitimately thinks he’s a Jedi.

Obi-Wan gives him half a word of advice for maybe half of a day, watching Luke swing a sword around and get shot at by a robot. Yoda trains Luke in a swamp for, generously, maybe a week or so before Luke ditches him (against his advice even) to go save his friends. Luke has 0 training (beat out only by Rey, who wasn’t trained at all). More, he lives in a world where everything he knows of the Jedi is colored by Palpatine’s propaganda and old legends. The Jedi temples have been ransacked and presumably next to nothing of the Jedi culture remains, I can imagine Palpatine as being nothing but thorough in his elimination of the Jedi religion. The Jedi survived in Obi-Wan, Yoda, and in some sense Anakin Skywalker.

They do not survive in Luke. Luke puts on some quasi-Jedi robes, slashes his sword around a few times to save Leia from Jabba, and he says, “Now I am a Jedi!” Luke is that kid, LARPing, yelling “firebolt, firebolt, firebolt!” Only, that is, if the LARPing consisted of him representing a massacred culture thinking he’s it’s sole legitimate heir. So... Luke is playing Cowboy and Indians, and he’s the Indian.

In my opinion, Vader wasn’t so much redeemed as he always had a very high priority in finding his son and keeping him alive. The obvious way to do this would be to take Luke as an apprentice and, eventually, murder Palpatine. Well, that didn’t pan out, and eventually Anakin chooses murder-suicide to save his son’s life. It’s very touching, I’m not knocking the moment, but I do think a lot of that was Anakin vice the inherent goodness of Luke.

Anyways, Luke and pals save the day, they start a new republic and then they learn life is complicated. The new republic fails within decades, worse, it’s feeble and likely torn apart by civil war, strife, and constant infighting. It is utterly powerless, to the point where the First Order easily rises to replace the Empire and take over its vast resources (with Palpatine building a secret sith army on the side no less). That Leia rather than lead an army through the new republic in the sequels is leading her own private resistance army is very telling.

Fitting in with this, Luke starts a Jedi Academy. The prequels, and yes go ahead and slander them all you like but they’re better than many admit, taught us a few things but one of them is that it is hard to be a Jedi. To walk the path of a Jedi is to open yourself up to great temptation to use the dark side, and the dark side isn’t just some strange quirk or sense of duality, it is the equivalent of selling your soul. It is an unnatural action that leads to unnatural abilities. 

You get a bunch of Force Sensitive kids in a room: you better know what you’re doing.

Luke doesn’t. He collects a handful of the remaining Jedi artifacts that Palpatine somehow didn’t destroy, opens up his Jedi School (even teaching his nephew), and within maybe five years the place is burned to the ground, his students murdered by his nephew, and his nephew runs off to join a Sith Lord who appeared out of nowhere (Luke not realizing that this was just immortal cockroach Palpatine). 

Luke then becomes a grumpy old man who just can’t deal, sits on a rock drinking blue milk, and whines that for how shitty of a teach he was that Obi-Wan guy was worse for messing up with his father. Which, frankly, is very in character for Luke.

Luke has never really failed in his life, or at least, never had to recognize his own failure. So, when he does, he a) doesn’t realize what went wrong b) blames everyone but himself c) sits on a rock and waits to die.

So yeah, that’s Luke for you.

A whiney, shallow, stupid, somewhat narcissistic, hero. I... don’t dislike the concept of his character, played more straight I’d love his character, but I dislike that people talk about him like he’s the most noble creature to ever grace the planet and has this inherent understanding of a murdered people that the murdered people themselves never had. 

(All the Jedi were doing it wrong! Luke made the real Jedi Order! Is something I see a lot and... well... say what you will about their philosophies, but this kid who was not a part of that culture “doing it better”... That’s real problematic folks, real problematic.)

[toaarcan]

One ship exposes everything wrong with TRoS

Heaven help me, I’m back on my bullshit.

Alright, so, I enjoyed The Rise of Skywalker when I watched it. I actually watched it twice, once on my own when I rushed to see it as soon as possible in order to beat spoilers, and once with my family, in what was a semi-annual new year tradition for us during those four years that a Star Wars film released.

But that doesn’t mean it was good. I enjoyed Transformers: Dark of the Moon the first time I watched it, and that movie’s still a steaming pile of shit. I was admittedly fifteen when I saw DotM, but still. 

My point is that I’m fully capable of enjoying crappy films.

But there’s one thing, one thing about TRoS that exemplifies so many of the problems with TRoS as a whole, if not everything (And by that I mean with TRoS specifically, the woeful treatment of John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran is a Whole Trilogy Problem). And it’s a ship. Specifically this ship.

The Resistance Y-Wing. I hate this ship with the fiery passion of an exploding star, and to talk about why, we need to first go back to The Last Jedi and its conspicuous lack of Y-Wings.

One of the things that I disliked most about the Sequels before TRoS put all the other problems into stark light was the lack of new ships. Instead of new vehicles, we got shinier, sleeker versions of the ships from the original trilogy. And I disliked this because it’s the opposite of what the Prequels did.

Episodes I-III don’t feature more primitive versions of the X-Wing and TIE Fighter, but instead have similar vehicles that evoke the classics while still having an identity of their own.

The ARC-170 looks kinda like an X-Wing, but it’s bigger and has more weapons and crew, and you get why the well-funded Republic can afford things like this while the scrappy Rebels can’t.

The Eta-2 is a predecessor to the TIE Fighter, but it being employed exclusively by Jedi makes a lot of sense, of course a precognitive wizard with superhuman reflexes can do well in a light, unshielded ship, while in the hands of the Empire’s military they’re just expendable swarm fighters.

But then in the Sequels, rather than evolve the ships into new forms, they just made new incarnations of the X-Wing, TIE Fighter, A-Wing, TIE Interceptor, B-Wing, and of course the Y-Wing.

Well, except for one movie: The Last Jedi.

At the outset of the film, we’re introduced to this ship.

This is the MG-100 StarFortress, AKA “That ship all the Star Wars Youtubers hate”. It’s designed to be a much heavier and bulkier version of the B-Wing Starfighter, and is even made by the same people.

From questions about how the bombs “fall” toward the Dreadnought (The answer is magnets) to claims that they’re completely useless because most of the ones in the film died so easily, these things have been put through the wringer by the fandom, and honestly they don’t deserve it? What destroyed the StarFortresses in the film wasn’t their own weaknesses, but them being deployed in too tight a formation. It was a tactical fuckup, not a problem with the ship’s design.

And given that the whole point of the battle over D’Qar is that Poe makes a tactical fuckup to kickstart his development into the new leader of the Resistance as a whole, adding another layer makes sense to me.

But we live in a post-CinemaSins world of media consumption, where every plot-point that isn’t spelled out with a flowchart and an audio commentary by the writers is actually a plothole. 

We also live in an era where Star Wars fans pine for the days of the Legends canon where everything about new ships, species, and worlds was explained in background lore and books, and are angry that the new Canon is... doing exactly the same thing?

Seriously, how much exposition and lore dumping is actually present in any of the Star Wars films? Not a whole lot. And that applies to all three eras. 

So the StarFortress’ appearance in the film and the lack of Y-Wings led to a bevy of armchair writers demanding to know why the Resistance weren’t using Y-Wings and why they were using those “Resistance Bombers” that are just ‘terrible’.

Answer? Because the Y-Wings sucked shit.

Seriously, go back to the Original Trilogy and try to keep track of the Y-Wings, and see what they actually do, and you’ll find that what they do is “Explode, mostly.”

We’re first introduced to the Y-Wings in A New Hope, and they’re supposed to be the ones performing the Trench Run while the X-Wings cover them, and to their credit, they try.

And then they all get blown up by Vader and his wingmen before they can even take a shot at the exhaust port. Well, except that one that appears with the rebel ships flying away from the Death Star.

Where the fuck were you when the X-Wings were doing the attack run?

The Y-Wings got absolutely wrecked.

Ancillary media would go on to explain that the Y-Wings were beat-up old vehicles that were no longer fit for purpose, but the Rebels had to use them anyway because they had basically no money. They’d stripped down the ships and removed a bunch of their more costly features just to make them viable, and the results of that were pretty clear.

Of course, the Y-Wings were still present in the later films. They don’t do anything in The Empire Strikes Back, but they play a role in Return of the Jedi.

Naturally, that role is mostly “Get blown up while the other ships do the important stuff”.

Despite supposedly being a fighter-bomber that was designed to do significant damage to capital ships, does the Y-Wing play a role in the destruction of the Executor? Does it fuck. Destroying the Imperial flagship’s deflector shields and the subsequent suicidal ram attack on the bridge are tasks that are both performed by the goddamn A-Wings. Y’know, the light interceptors?

The Y-Wings get shown up at their own job by the ships that are there to protect them from TIE Fighters.

Ancillary media again explains why they’re still there. While the Rebels have a newer, better fighter-bomber in the B-Wing, the B-Wing is expensive as fuck and also really difficult to fly. 

A non-centreline cockpit that rotates will do that to a ship.

Still, the B-Wing was a better bomber than the Y-Wing ever was (And the StarFortress was better than them both at that role).

All this adds up to a simple fact: There were very good reasons why the Resistance weren’t using Y-Wings. And there were even reasonable reasons to choose the StarFortress compared to the B-Wing itself, given that the Resistance are still undermanned and under-funded, especially with the New Republic getting nuked midway through The Force Awakens. It being easier to fly and having more armaments would have made it a viable choice for the Resistance.

Buuuut oops, people didn’t like the StarFortress and we can’t make the Internet angry at us again! Better put the Y-Wings back in for Episode IX, and show them destroying a Xyston-class Destroyer, that’ll make them happy!

And sure, okay, giving the Resistance a fighter/bomber is probably a good idea. And they already have New X-Wings and New A-Wings, so where’s the harm in a New Y-Wing?

Alright, alright, sure. But why the fuck does it look like this?

If this is a new ship, why is it already stripped-down like the ones in the Original Trilogy? Why doesn’t it look like the actual brand-new Y-Wings we saw in The Clone Wars? 

Now that’s more like it. Still visibly a Y-Wing, but with more of an identity of its own. 

Seriously, “Literally the same ship but without its armour pulled off” has more of a unique identity than the crowd-pleasing New Y-Wing.

And that, in and of itself, is the essence of The Rise of Skywalker.

It’s blind, empty fanservice, rushing to include as much nostalgia-pandering as possible to try and get the fanbase back on-side after The Last Jedi didn’t do what the fanboys wanted it to do.

This is a whole near- three hour movie whose only message is “Yes, Youtubers making TFA critiques longer than an entire season of TCW, we hear you, we’ll make it for you, please love us!”

And, almost entirely predictably, it was shite.

It was riddled with plotholes and none of the scenes had any time to breathe because the movie was too desperately trying to rush itself to the next crowd-pleasing scene in a desperate attempt to wank off as many disgruntled fanboys as it possibly could.

Luke with his green saber! Jedi Leia! Chewie gets a medal! Lando! Luke raises his X-Wing out of the water! The main villain is a testicle in a bathrobe again! Snork origin! Original-flavour Star Destroyers! Rose doesn’t exist! Rey had a super-special secret magical bloodline the whole time and Luke and Leia totally knew even though Luke has literally no idea who she is in Episode VIII! Luke actually was just afraid of the bad guys in Episode VII, none of that self-imposed exile for his own mistakes nonsense! Y-Wings.

I mean fuck. Disagree with Luke’s portrayal in TLJ all you like, I certainly have my issues with it, but I lay those at the feet of JJ for making Luke’s absence into one of his fucking Mystery Boxes, and then deciding that, even though last time Luke sensed Leia and Han might be in danger, he abandoned his Jedi training, hopped in an X-Wing, and flew halfway across the galaxy to try and save them, he wouldn’t do shit when the First Order pointed a star-powered System-Killer 9000 at Leia, and Han got himself killed trying to redeem Kyle Ron. Like how in fuck was Rian supposed to explain Luke’s inaction in VII?

But regardless of the problems with that Luke portrayal, at least Mark Hamill gave it his all. Hell, it might be his best performance in the Star Wars franchise!

 In TRoS, he shows up in a bad wig, waves a middle finger at TLJ, and ascends to his final form as a Lightsaber Delivery Boy, because apparently all you need to kill a Sith who literally clawed his way back from death is two lightsabers. Haunting Kyle Ron? Nope. Providing guidance as a ghost? Not really.

And y’know what the kicker is? It didn’t fucking work. Lucasfilm and Disney fucking gutted this trilogy, sliced out the integrity, surgically removed the soul of Episode IX in a desperate effort to make the Internet’s most unpleasable fanbase happy, and it didn’t work. They still hate it! Now they just concoct hour-long videos about how much they would’ve preferred to have the Trevorrow script (Which is admittedly much better, albeit still with it’s far share of giant flaws), which was probably thrown out because it wasn’t fanservicey enough!

The Rise of Skywalker is an awful film. It’s a loose collection of nostalgia-baiting moments, roughly stapled together around the skeleton of a plot that was never properly developed. It’s a Frankenstein’s Monster of a movie, but, and I say this with full offense, the Victor Frankenstein in this tragic story isn’t Lucasfilm or Disney or Kathleen Kennedy or Rian Johnson, or even JJ Abrams. It’s you, Star Wars Fandom. It is your monster. 

[opbackgrounds]

Oooh can you do a post on the tenryubito?

So I feel like this is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I pity the Celestial Dragons. 

That isn’t to say that they aren’t all (mostly) abhorrently evil megalomaniacs with  an institutionally enforced god complex who treat the torture of human(oids) with the same blasé disregard as a kid pulling the wings off of a fly, but there’s a part of me that just finds them pathetic. The Celesital Dragons are a group of people who have the world as their silver platter, yet are so small-minded and infantile they literally trap themselves in a tiny bubbles because they’re too scared to breathe the same air as the so-called lesser races.

There was a time when I didn’t think much of the Celestial Dragons because I thought that Oda’s exaggerated storytelling had gone one step too far. They were too cartoonishly evil to be believable—nothing but a bunch of mustache-twirling villains too ridiculous to be taken seriously—and though I found Luffy punching one in the face very cathartic I wasn’t terribly invested in the World Nobility as a worldbuilding element. 

But if there’s something I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older, it’s that there is a depressingly-large number of cartoonishly evil people who through no merit of their own find themselves wielding enormous amounts of power, and the Celestial Dragons are more realistic than I ever thought possible. 

The Dragons are One Piece’s exploration of the idea that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Eight hundred years is a ridiculously long time to be in control of a single territory, let alone an organization as massive as the World Government. To put it in perspective a little, eight hundred years ago was when the Magna Carta was signed. Even real-world dynasties tend to have major fluctuations in power over the course of generations, but It seems that the World Government—and by extension the Celestial Dragons—have for eight centuries kept an iron hold over what they consider theirs. 

Which just happens to be everything. 

The actual origins of the CD tie into series lore and will probably play a big part in Robin learning about the True History, but I fall in the camp that believes that they originated on the moon because 1) they’re the Celestial Dragons 2) there’s gotta be some significance to Enel’s cover story, and 3) Oda clearly modeled their hairstyles and clothing off of the King and Queen of the Moon from the movie The Adventures of Baron Muchausen

Which, if true, makes them a foreign imperialistic force that used military might and a totalitarian regime that specializes in censorship and terror in order to turn the One Piece world into a giant colony while presenting itself as an egalitarian, unifying coalition where no single ruler is fit to sit on the Empty Throne. 

And to think, there are some people who don’t think One Piece is political.

What’s really fascinating is that most of the rank and file Celestial Dragons don’t seem to realize their own history. Their traditional enemy has become a bedtime story used to scare children, and they’re too preoccupied in their petty games and pleasures to even notice that they’re not really the most powerful people in the world. It’s like their freedom to commit atrocities is the world’s worst example of bread and circuses, because as long as their attention is held by the shiny new slave or fixated on bringing in another tribute then they can’t use their immense power to actually do anything, and for the most part they’re too stupid to realize they’re being used. 

Granted, I’m doing a lot of guesswork here, but we don’t really know where Im and his giant pointy crown fits into all this, or how aware the average Celestial Dragon is of his existence. Is he a world noble? Are the Elder Stars? I personally don’t think the latter are, but is it possible that there’s an even more secret and exclusive group within one of the most secretive and exclusive groups on the planet? And what in the world does the straw hat locked in a freezer have to do with any of it? Was that the treasure Doflamingo used to blackmail the Celestial Dragons into submission, and if so, who did he parlay with during his negotiations? Because I can’t see idiots like Saint Charlos or Mysogard before his character development giving two shits about any of it. Was it CP0, and if so, how much do they understand about the man who sits on the Empty Throne?

What I’m trying to say here, is that there’s a whole lot we don’t know. 

What isn’t guesswork is how little the Celestial Dragons understand about the real world, and this is where I go back to feeling sorry for them. Even the best-intentioned noble we’ve seen so far (Homing) has no idea of what it is to be “human”. 

This mansion is just...comfortable. It’s a downgrade. It’s how Homing thinks normal people live, and he thinks he can just plop his family out in the real world and live a quiet, normal life without blowback from a population that has suffered terribly at the Celestial Dragons hands. His ignorance and naivety, while well-intentioned, is staggering.

Because remember, slavery is technically illegal within the World Government.  Only criminals and people from nations not affiliated can be taken to auction. What initially seems like a kindness turns out to be sending pigs to the slaughter, because what nation wouldn’t react the way this one did once they found out the truth?

Because what the WG (and by extension the CD) have done is punish nations who don’t kowtow to their power in order to fulfill the demand for slaves. Even the bit about criminals is terrifying when this is a world where for some it’s a crime to even be born, to say nothing about the Celestial Dragon’s refusal to obey their own laws if it means they can get what they want, when they want it. 

The whole Homing situation puts a different spin on Doflamingo’s speech during the Marineford War. People who have only known peace can’t understand those who have only known war, and that lack of understanding is what ultimately led to his undoing. 

That’s not to say that the Celestial Dragons are incapable of change on an individual level. One Piece is, ultimately, a very optimistic series, so while I was initially surprised that Saint Mysogard returned during the Reverie chapters as a good guy, upon later reflection it made sense with the points Oda was trying to make during the Fishman Island arc—that if different groups can try to understand one another, they can get along. 

But it took an extraordinary event in almost being killed by his own former slaves and an extraordinary diplomat in Queen Otohime to change the mind of one (1) Celestial Dragon, and it doesn’t look like Saint Mysogard has been able to bring anyone else around to his point of view in the 10 years since he realized he was, in fact, human. And when feel like you’re due everything because you’re a god, why would you want to lower yourself to the position of a lessor being?

 The Celestial Dragons are trained from birth to think of other human(oid) beings as less than animals, where sadism and torture aren’t only encouraged, but celebrated. The system has corrupted to the point where there’s no incentive to change and no oversight to prevent the abuse of power, and with the ability to call the admirals on anyone who pisses them off the average person has no hope of fighting back. It’s difficult to guess how noble the progenitors of the current Celestial Dragons were, but judging by what we know of the Void Century we can guess not very. At the same time, it’s hard to imagine them starting out as the mustache-twirling villains as we see in the current day. The only difference between the Nefertitis and the other kings was one man’s choice to stay with his people. In an alternate universe Vivi could have been a Celestial Dragon.

Now there’s an AU idea.

At the end of the day, the Celestial Dragons play an important role within the One Piece universe, but they are not, by themselves, important to Luffy. He hates their guts and enjoys punching them in the face, but he’s a pirate, not a Revolutionary. The future for One Piece is delightfully opaque, and it’s hard for me to see how the Natural Enemy of God ends up tearing the system to the ground. Will the Straw Hats end up going to space? I don’t know, but there are a lot of people who think it’s at least a possibility.

I personally find them at their most interesting when they’re playing the part of the outside influencer. The Celestial Dragons have only been the direct opponents to the Straw Hats a handful of times, but they’ve played a direct role in the lives of so many other characters—both heroic and villainous—that without them the series could not exist as it currently does. 

And that’s the power of good worldbuilding. I don’t need Luffy to face off against Im to be satisfied with the series. In fact, he was brought in so late that I’ll be a little disappointed if he ends up as the final boss fight. I’m okay with the Revolutionary Army storming Mariejois off-screen, because while those are important players and major chess pieces, that’s never been where Luffy’s focus has been. He’s the man who’s going to become the Pirate King, and until the Celestial Dragons somehow get in the way of that dream he’s not going to bother with them. This lack of focus allows the inherent darkness of the Celestial Dragons not to overshadow the more lighthearted, whimsical aspects of the series. They explore certain themes that are important to One Piece, but the story doesn’t dwell in the mire, and I think it’s all the stronger for it. . 

[whumpbby]

I finished typing and now I feel I have to preface it with a: this is all a monologue about Jedi and Force and Lucas’ inability to show the good story he wants to tell - just a warning. This is in no way meant to contradict the other post with that quote floating around or argue against it - just my own rambling coming to a conclusion I keep struggling with when it comes to SW universe and the ways it makes no sense to me and how I feel deep in my bones that Lucas is a crap storyteller.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t know why, but for all the interesting concepts Lucas talks about, Anakin’s fall never sat well with me. In time I came to the conclusion I would respond better if the Jedi culture surrounding it wasn’t so contradictory to itself.

And if he wasn’t so heavily leaning on the concept of the ‘pure love’ that is unconditional and undemanding and ‘unselfish’. Tldr: that love does not exist outside of poetry and romance dramas and imagination. Like every other emotion humans feel, love is conditional.

Take the first trilogy - I got that. The Jedi were largely missing and there was not much lore-wise, but the vibe it gave was measured and peaceful and mindful, and all the things that stood against the Empire - that represented the Dark Side in a very concise way. It wasn’t too nuanced, so we could buy it in this very simple ‘princes kidnapped b ya dragon’ story. This is as good as Lucas gets.

But then the prequels happened and Jedi became this weird, extremely specific, but conflicting idea. They are not supposed to take sides in politics - except when they do. They are not supposed to kill - except when they do, with freaking relish. They are not supposed to love or hate or allow emotions dictate their ways - oh, except when they do. And they can have sex - just not sex with someone they want to settle down with (oh boy, is that a signifier of a story written by a guy or what?). All seems to be ‘except when they do, as long as it can be adequately justified to make them look good’.

And I do have an issue with the idea of ‘Anakin was too old to join, he was already attached to his mother’ which is, when you think about it, is insane. Learning to control your emotions and letting go of your wants, Buddhist way, fine.

Aiming to train children to not be attached to their parents? What? How young a child has to be for that attachment forms? How is a meditation and repeating mantras going to help a 5-year old who is missing their mom at the temple? How do you even expect to train a child out of missing their mom??? How is it NOT better to get an older child that can reason above the instinctual and hardwired need for their mother? 

But let’s say Anakin’s attachment to his mother was ‘selfish’ from the beginning - but, that’s the thing, was it? Was it really? They were slaves and she was his only family, okay, obviously that made his attachment stronger and more layered than, say, a normal middle-class Coruscanti kid who could love their mom without constant fear that any day they can be separated forever by someone who didn’t give a shit. In that sense, yes, Anakin was desperately attached to his mom and afraid of loosing her - there was fear in him. Right, I’m there with you, Yoda.

But the movies show us that the way Jedi seem to approach these hard subjects is by not approaching them at all - oh, well, we can’t take him in. He had a difficult childhood and there are issues attached, get him out of here.

In a galaxy full of races and issues and the Force being tied to any and all creatures in any and all circumstances - this was the hard line Jedi were drawing. In essence, either only accepting kids young enough to not remember their parents (and I see absolutely no issues whatsoever that could happen here, nope) or with childhoods perfect enough not to have any issues whatsoever. Anyone else? Adults that discovered Force when they were older? Kids like Anakin with hard childhoods? Creatures that were either culturally or chemically wired differently enough that the tight reins Jedi held over their emotions weren’t possible for them? Nope. Go away. You are a bad person in the making.

If you spend a moment contemplating, you will realise this is such a white privileged guy way to think about it. And if you stick your head into the microwave for a couple seconds, you can almost understand how Lucas thought this is something profound and mystical.

No that I think about it... I always thought Sith were freaking clowns - their philosophy makes no sense, their ‘rule of two’ is hilarious, everything about them is just so badly designed and thought out, and who would ever decide to join of that creepy cult of their own volition? It made no sense!

But, as an answer to the egalitarian and contradictory ways of the Jedi - Sith make all the sense to exist. And let’s forget about the Light and Dark (that I don’t believe exist above the ways of personal emotional expression that in time trains the Force around a person in certain ways - like a person can train their brain in and out of anxiety ofr example), but focusing strictly on philosophy - yeah, being a Sith makes sense when any other way is barred form someone by no fault of their own. And barred with an excuse they are a bad seed anyway. 

“You fear/hate/desire hence you can’t access the Force with us” = “Well fuck you, then, I will access the Force in my own way, using these exact emotions!”

Like, Sith are clowns, but Jedi suck in their own very special way and their fall was just waiting to happen.

I get a strange feeling that Lucas created Jedi as a class of a warrior monk in DnD and then scrambled to create their enemies out of the simplest contradictions. Light-dark. Love-Hate. Peace-Fear. Etc. But because Jedi were so simple - once they started to gain popularity and he had to expand their lore and layer on the philosophy, he hit a wall. Or rather, the bottom of the kiddy pool. Because a ‘warrior monk’ is not an a ‘good’ class, but he wanted them to be mostly warriors, but also a force of good in the galaxy, because Star Wars is the same simple story repeated again and again with a new set of characters (regardless of how much fake politics is thrown in to obscure that fact) so this whole universe is basically built on giving Jedi reasons to fight and kill, and adequately justifying them. And then the Dark Side had to catch up by being more ridiculously evil at every turn - accidentally unmasking the way Jedi philosophy falls apart under closer scrutiny.

So like, to make a full circle, the one thing the prequels did well was to show Anakin’s fall (and I am not gonna argue, it was effective and he is a villain of this story) but they also presented - I think against the creator’s intention - why it was pretty much inevitable. Not because Palpatine was there to whisper poison, or because Force itself strived for ‘balance’ (even though the latter is a hilarious idea I love to contemplate) - but because Jedi, as presented in the movies-media around them, as a philosophy and way of life is inherently contradictory and unsustainable from the point of being a, well, a breathing, thinking being.  The ‘selfish love’ argument would work so much better if it wasn’t presented with an example of a kid who was born a slave and the people who saw it as a strike against his character, and did very little to address the specific issues that could arise from that before it was too late. 

Would it fucking kill them to let go of their strict training routine and ensure that his specific emotional needs were met? That Shimi was, I don’t know, NOT A SLAVE. They seem to interfere into politics just fine when need arises - but not when it’s a sandy planet in the ass-end of the universe no one cares about. Then no, we can’t liberate one slave. That would be acting in self-interest - not in the interest of not allowing one of the strongest members of out order to fall into the ruin we have forseen form the beginning. 

It would work better is if Anakin’s ‘selfishness’ was presented as his inability to let Padme leave him for someone else/just leave him - not to be unwilling to let her die.  

Think about it for a moment - he wasn’t presented with the idea of Padme leaving him. With the idea of his mother not loving him anymore. He was firmly and, form his point of view, believably, presented with the idea of both of them DYING. Which actually happened to his mom, solidifying the fear in his mind.

Yes, he was not meant to go on a rampage and kill the ones who killed Shimi - but wasn’t he? The Jedi are not against killing. Only killing in self-interest I guess - when self-interest is not one’s life and their political affiliation or their ‘job’ at hand, that is. Revenge is a no-no, but a military retaliation is a yes-go. Can’t kill anyone who wronged me - but I can kill those who wronged a person who gives me orders. How does that work within a Jedi doctrine? 

How, in good conscience, can you present this scenario, George, and then try to spin it into this big philosophical bullcrap about unselfish love????  Jedi murdered people over political squabbles - but I guess that’s okay because they weren’t invested??? And that’s better?!?!? George! What the fuck! You are such a bloke my head hurts!

In case of Anakin, Jedi were essentially Elsa’s parents. I pretty much despise Elsa and the film she crawled out of, and I personally don’t like Anakin as a character either, so this is not stanning in any way, but their issues scream ‘I was raised by well-meaning idiots’ and shows the level of botched storytelling I just can’t reconcile.

Which, you know what? 

Luke, who spent years studying Jedi ways and taking them into himself? 

I can believe than this Luke would try to kill his nephew at the barest whiff of the Dark Premonition instead of helping him manage his motions in a somewhat healthy way - that seems to be exactly what a real Jedi would do, after all. 

[dovebuffy92]

https://fandomopolis.com/2021/04/10/the-falcon-and-the-winter-soldier-episode-4-the-whole-world-is-watching-review/

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Episode 4 ” The Whole World is Watching” Review

Sam Wilson (Falcon) has the opportunity to reason with Karli Morgenthau, but the rash new Captain America John Walker destroys any chance of a peaceful resolution.

Spoilers Below

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Episode Four, ” The Whole World is Watching,” directed by Kari Skogland, demonstrates why John is the wrong person to take over Steve Roger’s shield. Bucky and Sam buck heads with John. John wants to take down the Flag Smashers with brute force. In comparison, Bucky and Sam want “peace talks” with Karli. ” The Whole World is Watching” ends with the new Captain America revealing his true colors in the Latvian streets.

John is not the perfect U.S. Army soldier that everybody paints him as. After finding the one super-soldier vial that Zemo didn’t smash, the new Captain America has a drink with his best friend, Lemar Hoskins (Battlestar). John asks hypothetically if had the super soldier serum should inject himself with it. Lemar points out that his friend is a company man who proved himself worthy of the shield by risking his life in Afghanistan, earning three Silver Stars. He argues that all the super-soldier serum does is elevate what’s already in you, which is precisely what Dr. Abraham Eriskne told Steve in Captain America: First Avenger. Though, of course, the scientist did not pick Steve because he was the perfect soldier. Eriskne selected him because of his heart and his self-sacrificing nature. However, John’s problem is not that he is the ideal soldier, but rather that his ethic are compromised. John argues with Lemar that their horrible actions in Afghanistan did not deserve a single Silver Star. What did the two new superheroes do that makes John think he doesn’t deserve the serum? Lemar punches back, saying that they could have saved many more lives with super strength. The new Captain America doesn’t listen to his conscience. John injects himself with the super-soldier serum just in time to kill a Flag-Smasher named Nico in front of the world. The blood on the Captain America shield represents cracks in the military’s symbol of hope.

The way that John treats the Wakanda women warriors in “The Whole World is Watching” further demonstrates that he is not the right person to carry the shield. When Ayo and other Dora Milaje warriors burst into Zemo’s apartment to arrest the terrorist, the new Captain America misreads the situation. John sees the United States as superior to Africa and any other country. The new Captain America thinks that he can take on these women warriors because U.S. Army training makes an ideal fighting machine. He condescendingly tells Ayo that she doesn’t have jurisdiction. Sam laughs. He points out that John would do better fighting a super-soldier.  Dora Mila has jurisdiction wherever they go. John puts a hand on Ayo’s shoulder to try to appease her. Wrong move. Ayo and the other Dora Milaje easily beat up John and Lemar. One of the warriors even steals John’s shield, proving that being a man with a gun doesn’t mean your automatically the best fighter in the room. Instead of realizing that he should treat others as equals, John feels sorry for himself because he couldn’t defeat ordinary women.

Karli is a “grey” supervillain, something that is unique in the MCU. While other villains in the MCU have reasons for their immoral missions, there’s never been a character who’s relatable like Karli. She and her community have been displaced from their homes. They live in these shelters to make room for those who were gone despite how much they helped rebuild society. During the five years of the blip, erased borders meant everybody got what they needed, and anybody who wanted to reconstruct these cities was welcomed. Now the world leaders and corporations want everything to return to how it was before. The original borders made them wealthy and powerful, but that wasn’t the case for impoverished people like Karli.

Zemo’s warnings that super soldiers are dangerous is warranted. Both Karli and John are examples of the negative consequences of the serum. Back in the apartment, Zemo asks Sam if he ever considered taking the super-soldier serum. The Falcon quickly answers no. Zemo is impressed. He tells Sam that Karli and the other Flag-Smashers are beyond help now. They have become like “gods among men”. Super-soldiers can’t be allowed to exist because they see themselves to be superior beings. Sam says the terrorist sounds like a god himself and asks about Bucky, who’s a Super Soldier. While Zemo should not be allowed to go around killing people, he has a point that other than present-day Bucky and Steve, almost all other Super Soldiers act like gods. They mercilessly kill people who get in their way. During World War Two, The Red Skull tried to invade the whole world. Even Nazi Germany, which funded his organization Hydra. John kills a man with his shield in the middle street as an act of blind revenge. Nico didn’t even kill Lemar; Karli did. The Captain America shield represents protection, not violence. The blood on the shield mares that symbol of hope that Captain America used to represent. Last episode, Karli and the rest of the Flag-Smashers blew up a building with people inside. She believes that she can choose who lives or dies because her cause is just. The super-soldier serum enhances whatever is inside you, but that doesn’t mean it’s always good. For Steve, the serum made him just more courageous and compassionate. For men like John, it makes them more egoistical and bloodthirsty.

” The Whole World is Watching” reminds us to keep an eye on people with immense power, like police, since the badge doesn’t automatically make them decent.

[duhragonball]

Hellsing Liveblog, Ch.11-13

This is the “Balance of Power” arc.

One of the things that frustrated me about the Hellsing TV anime (as opposed to the Hellsing Ultimate version) was that the TV series aired while the manga was still running, and it seemed to struggle between following the source material or just diverging into all new stories.    I think if Gonzo had made up their minds one way or the other, it would have ended up a better show.   Instead, there were all these filler scenes of Seras training with human soldiers, which seemed like an utter waste of the character’s time.    Worse, this meant the human soldiers featured much more prominently than they ever did in the manga, where they all get killed off by Chapter 9 or something.   And if you know that’s coming, like I did, it makes the human soldiers that much more insufferable, because you know dorks like Farguson aren’t going to matter, but they get tons of screen time anyway.    Farguson is like every episode of Dragon Ball GT condensed into a single character.  

Here, in the original manga, it’s pretty clear that the soldiers never mattered, because the only time you ever see them is when Jan Valentines’ ghoul army slaughters them all.    They only existed so Integra would have something to be in charge of, but the only ones who actually matter here are herself, Alucard, Seras, and Walter.    In this chapter, Walter practically admits as much, when he states that there were 96 staff members, and now we’re down to ten: Walter, Integra, and eight jabrones who weren’t at the base that day.    Well, maybe those eight guys will show up later and do something important?   Bullshit they will, they never get mentioned again.   The Gonzoverse might have been able to break some new ground by focusing on those human characters more, but what they actually did was half-assed, and it looks all the more futile when you know how unimportant they are to the original work.   Walter just hires a band of mercenaries to backfill all the vacant positions, and I’ll give you three guesses what happens to those guys.

Concerning “Millennium”, their mysterious new enemy, no one has any idea what they are.    A bunch of people try to research it, because we didn’t have Google in 1999, or at least not Google as we now know it, so if you wanted to know something cryptic you just had to rummage through a card catalog in a library or whatever.    But Integra just makes the logical leap that “Millennium” is a reference to the “Thousand Year Reich” dreamed of by Nazi Germany.   This seems like a stretch, but I think Integra’s reasoning is that this is the only “Millennium” reference that could possibly be worth Hellsing’s attention.

Later, Integra meets the Wild Geese, the merc group Walter hired, and explains their assignment even referencing the Bram Stoker novel.    So I guess Dracula is a real book in the Hellsing world, but it must be at least partially based on a true story, right?   The Geese don’t buy any of this, so Integra introduces them to Seras to prove that vampires are real.

They all laugh at Seras until she starts flicking their leader, Pip Bernadotte, with her fingers.    Then Alucard shows up, and that seems to be enough to convince them.

After this, Integra gets a letter from the Iscariot Organization, inviting her to a meeting with Enrico Maxwell at the Imperial War Museum.    The whole thing introduces Bishop Maxwell very effectively.   He tries to play this off as a peaceful, diplomatic conference, but he makes Integra wait, and she’s still sore about Anderson’s violation of their treaty back in Chapter 5-6.   Maxwell takes all this in stride, then replies that he could care less about the deaths of even two billion Protestants, so the two guys Anderson killed mean nothing to him.    He’s only here because the Pope ordered him to do this, and he calls Integra a “Protestant sow” for good measure.  

At this, Alucard comes out to stand up for Integra’s honor, and then Maxwell responds by bringing out Anderson, except Anderson has a berzerker rage thing going, so it kind of ruins Maxwell’s posturing.    For all his contempt, he really was ordered to London to talk to Integra, so he’d probably get in trouble with the Pope if Anderson starts a big superhero battle in a museum.

In Cross Fire, the unpublished manga that was sort of a precursor to Hellsing, Maxwell looked a lot like Sir Integra does now, so when Kouta Hirano brought him back for this arc, he slicked his hair back and removed his glasses.   On the other hand, Integra doesn’t look much like the early Integra anymore either.    By now, Hirano seems to have settled on her design, straightening her hair out and making her face longer and thinner.   Anyway, Maxwell’s brinkmanship has backfired, and now even he can’t stop Anderson, so what can be done?

Luckily, Seras is here to provide a distraction, as she leads a tour group of elderly Japanese tourists through the gallery.    For some reason this kills Anderson’s fighting mood completely, so he leaves.    Alucard also leaves, because he hates being up during the day.    Walter gives Seras a hearty thumbs up for defusing this tense situation.    Good job, Seras.    You’re doing amazing, sweetie.

All right, so what’s so blamed important that the Pope would send Maxwell to London?    Well, he knows about Millennium’s attack on Hellsing’s base, and he has some juicy deets on them.   After making Integra say “please”, he explains that “Millennium” was a Nazi military unit responsible for transferring resources and personnel for Nazi Germany.    They relocated a ton of these resources and personnel to South America for safe keeping.    Integra’s not too impressed with that, since “Nazis fleeing to South America after the war” isn’t exactly a shocking revelation.  

The twist here, though, is that Millennium was smuggling Nazi stuff to South America during World War II. 

Also, the Vatican helped Millennium do this?   I never understood this part of the story, but I think it gets explained later.   I mean, it explains how Maxwell would have this lead to share with Hellsing, but it raises more questions than answers.

  Volume 2 ends with another chapter of Cross Fire, starring Heinkel Wolfe and Yumiko Takagi.    In the first story, they saved hostages from Islamic terrorists.    This one is them recovering stolen church money from radical communists, which I guess could have been a thing in 1998?    It’s basically the same story, though, as they send Yumiko to infiltrate the bad guys, then they slaughter everyone in sight.    Mostly, I want to focus on the part at the end, where Maxwell, the leader of Iscariot, justifies the use of extreme hyper-violence in the name of the Catholic Church.   You sort of get the sense that the Iscariot Organization in Cross Fire was a concept in search of a villain.   the idea of two girl-assassins dressed as a nun and a priest might have had some traction, but Hirano really seems to have had trouble coming up with worthy enemies for them to fight.    But Hellsing brings vampires into the mix, which suits the Iscariots quite nicely.

Back to “Balance of Power”, the third part features Seras training with the Wild Geese in the middle of the night.   For some reason, Seras expects them to shoot targets from over 4km away.   She can do it, but only thanks to the vampiric senses Alucard showed her how to use.    It’s like she doesn’t realize that this is an ability she only has because she’s a vampire or something.   

Indoors, Alucard and Walter discuss the whole Nazi angle.    Al isn’t terribly surprised, because he only knows three who have ever used undead warriors for combat.   

1) Hellsing

2) Himself

3) The Nazis.

He knows #3 is legit, because he and Walter destroyed a Nazi research facility during the war.    Supposedly that contained all their work on the undead, but now that we know Millennium was smuggling important stuff from Nazi Germany to South America, it only makes sense that they’re the ones who devised the Valentines’ ghoul attack.    The bigger point of this scene is to reinforce that Walter used to be a big wheel in Hellsing, teaming up with Alucard to have Golden Age WWII adventures.   And now, Hellsing will be sending Alucard and Seras to South America to investigate this new threat.   

Here, Walter asks the big question: Why make Seras a vampire?   I’ll have more to say about this later, but I dig this scene because it works as an exposition scene, but there’s more to it than that.   Alucard’s only apparent motivations are over-the-top violence and doing his master’s bidding.   Helping Seras doesn’t seem to fit either of those, so it does indeed feel out-of-character.   You’d expect someone to ask this question, and by now there’s really only two people left who know Alucard well: Walter and Integra.   So yeah, let’s have Walter ask the question.    But later on, it becomes clear that the point is not the question itself, but the fact that Walter is the one asking it.  

For what it’s worth, Alucard doesn’t seem to know, or maybe he just doesn’t want to spell it out.   He keeps saying that it was her “choice”, except he had to make his own choice that night.    He could have just let her die, regardless of any requests she might have made.   Al remarks on her tremendous resilience on that night, since she was surrounded by death and hopelessness, but didn’t resign to her fate.    That impresses him, so I guess we can say that he chose her because he found her to be such an impressive specimen, in spite of some of her goofier behavior.    As it currently stands, Seras can’t even travel across rivers or oceans, a weakness for lesser vampires, but not a problem for Alucard himself.    He seems to think that’ll all be resolved once she finally drinks blood, and he expects that it’ll just be a matter of time before she does.    Ominous!

As far as transporting Seras to South America, Alucard figures the easiest thing to do is nail her shut in her own coffin.   The Wild Geese know a smuggling operation that can fly them to Brazil without any messy customs.   That works out, since they also have to transport Alucard’s coffin, and all the guns.

Integra asks why Alucard is dressed like this, and he says he can’t wear his usual stuff because he’d be too obvious to their enemies.    Also, he doesn’t need to spend the whole trip in his coffin, because sunlight and traveling over water doesn’t bother him, I guess?    I don’t really get the water thing.    If Seras can’t travel over running water, what difference does it make if she’s in her coffin or not?    I can accept that Alucard, who’s basically a super-vampire, would be immune to the whole water thing, but it becomes a plot point later on, so... aw, forget it   

Integra gives Alucard only one order: Search and Destroy, which seems kind of vague when you think about it.   Anyway, she’ll be saying this about a hundred times before the story is over, so we may as well appreciate the original.

[dgcatanisiri]

I’ll stand by this and die on this hill.

Whatever merits The Last Jedi has - and before you start debating me, I’m not saying it doesn’t have them, just that this outweighs them - it fails as a part of the ongoing narrative. It may be a fine standalone film, but as movie two of the Sequel Trilogy, movie eight of the Skywalker Saga, it fails to connect itself to the rest of the story, existing more in isolation than in concert. Rian Johnson’s Star Wars is VERY different from JJ Abrams’ Star Wars, a clash that makes it all too clear that Rise of Skywalker - and the Sequel Trilogy in general - was doomed to fail from the moment it was decided NOT to maintain the same writer across it.

It shifts gears, taking moments that were played for drama in the previous film (or films) and playing them for laughs. 

It drops plot paths, with Rian Johnson explicitly saying that he didn’t use the Knights of Ren because they “didn’t fit” the story he was telling. Or the fact that, if the movie is taking place shortly after TFA, then where is ANY mention of Starkiller, the massive superweapon and installation that the Resistance just blew up?

It demotes Finn, the character who was the lead male of the last film, to a “comedic” c-plot that ends up going in a cul-de-sac, one that even the film’s defenders have said could have been cut and nothing be lost. And, in particular, this is noticeable because the plot of TFA moved BECAUSE of Finn - without Finn, Poe doesn’t escape, Rey doesn’t get off Jakku, the Resistance doesn’t go to Starkiller and destroy it. TFA hinged on Finn. TLJ treats him like a vestigial limb it can’t sever.

(No, really, based on what TFA establishes, FINN is the counterbalance to Kylo Ren - Kylo is a scion of a powerful line of Force users, Finn didn’t even have a NAME until TFA began, Kylo is the face of the First Order, Finn was a faceless stormtrooper, which is why the moment he first takes off his helmet means so much, Kylo was raised by heroes of the Republic and turned to the First Order, Finn was raised by the First Order and turns his back on it... The thematic parallels between them are ALL FUCKING OVER TFA! But TLJ wants him to go away, and there’s no chance for him to rebuild that plot momentum in Rise of Skywalker.)

Also on the level of connection to the previous film... Why the HELL is a coma patient stuffed in a storage closet, rather than the medbay with doctors monitoring him? And he’s then repeatedly tazed by Rose, which is again played for laughs. Finn’s injuries are played as a joke.

With Finn’s demotion, it elevates Kylo Ren, the villain, an explicit parallel to neo-natsees (because the Empire ALWAYS had its roots in natsee imagery, and the First Order is explicitly drawing on those, just like neo-natsees), into the lead male position. 

Rey ends up reduced to his prize - over the course of TFA, her interactions with him were, in order, him rendering her unconscious and kidnapping her, torturing her, killing her mentor (his own father), and grievously wounding Finn, the first person in her life who came back for her, which was part of her driving characterization in the previous film. Her motivations are reduced to proving to Luke that she won’t be like Kylo Ren, and then trying to get someone she has no motivation to genuinely care about to redeem himself.

That “redemption,” I say again, is being offered by her after, again, she was kidnapped and tortured by him, she watched him kill Han Solo, who she saw as a paternal figure herself, and he put Finn, someone she’d already come to care for and who was the first person in her life to come back for her, in a coma. What motivation is there for her to TRY to redeem him? And if you want to say “Force Bond,” then that means that something is forged between her and Kylo, without her consent, that makes her care for him, actively manipulating her mind, and this just... happens.

The whole “Rey’s parents” thing is also a problem because it is ignoring HER reaction - it’s all about subverting the audience’s expectations, without caring about how she as a character responds. She never needed her parents to be a Kenobi, a Jinn, a Skywalker, whoever. They didn’t need to be somebody to the audience, they just were people she needed. Even the idea that they were drunks... They were the drunks who gave birth to her, who left her behind, and she wanted just to know why. 

And why should anyone even believe that Kylo Ren would know that they’re just nobodies when it’s been like three days since they even met - none of his informants could have chased down any leads to the point of determining this in that time, if he even WAS looking for them. So by the same measure of “how does he know this?” is the question of “why should she believe him?”

It does not explain Luke’s change of character in near enough detail - this is a character who refused to kill DARTH VADER, his father, a man he barely knew, only really knowing him as the great boogeyman of the Empire, and yet I’m supposed to believe that he would actively attempt a premeditated murder of his own nephew, who he would have known all of said nephew’s life, for what he MIGHT do? There NEEDED more of points B and C to connect points A and D here.

Also on the subject of Luke, in the last movie, it was explicit - Luke had vanished and left a map behind. Why would you leave a map to a place you intend to run away to and be forgotten and die? 

This movie, indeed, SHRANK the galaxy far, far away to ludicrous levels - the Resistance is in the fringes of the New Republic, yet Canto Bight, a major casino resort hub of war profiteering, is a casual jump away? Also, if the Resistance fleet couldn’t jump there, how can a small ship like Finn and Rose’s do that? Doesn’t the fleet need every vehicle and every drop of fuel? Rey’s gone after Luke, to a planet forgotten by the rest of the galaxy, her training pretty clearly taking place over days, at least, if not more. And yet simultaneously, the ticking clock of the Resistance’s fuel running out happens, and she still manages to arrive in the midst of their escape? This timeline is a goddam mess.

Rian Johnson explicitly said that he wanted Holdo to be flirtatious with Poe. And told the costume designer NOT to dress her in the uniform befitting an admiral. Right there, you lose me on Holdo being in the right during the mutiny - we have an existential threat to the Resistance, and she’s dressed like she’s going for drinks with Senators and apparently supposed to be flirting with Poe. 

And I’m giving this its own bullet point - they actively changed the language of the film to try and frame her as more in the right. She was redubbed after the fact to have different dialogue and tone with Poe, while leaving his side of the conversation alone, seemingly to portray him more as a hotheaded maverick when what we’re seeing is him responding to the existential threat they are facing. I HAVE to address this, because they changed what the characters are reacting to after the fact to push a narrative of Poe being wrong, when he WAS acting in the Resistance’s best interests throughout.

Because his demotion is crap - the Original Trilogy showed the X-Wings and similar snubfighters having independent hyperdrive, there was no reason to keep the fleet there for the sake of recovering them based on the text of the film and the established technology of the setting. Leia could have jumped the fleet and let them rendezvous later. Keeping the fleet there? That was her blunder, not Poe’s. 

Meanwhile the dreadnaught? That was a MAJOR target - It had over 200,000 First Order troops. For a group on the fringe, LIKE THE FIRST ORDER WAS IN TFA, that’s a major loss of personnel and material. And that slow-moving target of the dreadnaught was the kind of target those bombers should have been designed for. And if they were really so valuable that they were all lost against the dreadnaught and it was a major blow to the Resistance, those bombers should have been scrapped for parts long before. So, based on what the First Order was originally established as in TFA, Poe did the right thing. His problem is that TLJ CHANGED what the First Order was.

And, again, with the existential threat of the First Order on their tails, Poe, one of the Resistance’s best pilots AND the guy who blew up Starkiller, should have been on the list of people who deserved to be in the know of the plan - if you’re worried about traitors (which Holdo never actually SAYS), he’s pretty clearly not working for them. So she’s holding over the fact that he lost people on a mission against him, which... I’m sorry, but what the fuck with that, EVERY fighter pilot mission we have seen in the films has led to losses.

And when he does find out the plan - the plan that he asks her, three times, in private, in public, and at gunpoint, to even just tell him EXISTS, not even the details of - he’s completely accepting of it. So the whole conflict exists because she doesn’t talk to anyone about it.

Because, before anyone brings up “she has no responsibility to tell an underling her ideas,” she may not, but there was a chance, right before the mutiny went through, for her to defuse the situation entirely, since, as we see, once he knows the plan, he’s willing to go along with it. And it’s not like Poe was acting alone - there were others in the mutiny, including Connix, who we’d seen in charge of the evacuation, which gives the impression she has at least some position of authority. And she wasn’t filled in on Holdo’s plan either. 

Holdo’s flaw is assuming that, because she is the named authority - explicitly the last link in the chain of command - that all the people under her command should just fall in line. But the Resistance was, like the First Order, reverted into the Rebellion for this movie - in TFA, it was not a military service but a volunteer militia of people who were acting in service specifically of one person, Leia Organa. Not Holdo. So when the whole damn organization formed to follow one person, and that one person is taken out of commission, it NEEDS someone willing to extend trust to take charge. Poe was doing that by wanting to hear her out. Holdo was failing to do that by not even bothering.

Yoda’s appearance is undeserved - this is the same Jedi who, if he’d had his way, would have refused Luke’s training in Empire Strikes Back because he was “too old,” even though that was always the plan, to train the Skywalker child, and, as shown by the prequels, was the embodiment of the Jedi Order’s hubris back in the days of the Old Republic. If anyone deserved to have that moment with Luke, it was Anakin, because Anakin was the embodiment of where the Jedi teachings and values had failed - when your prophesized “Chosen One” ends up being at odds with almost all your expectations of the “model” Jedi, the Force is probably trying to tell you something. But no, Yoda’s the fan favorite, so Yoda appears and undermines his own message of “failure, the greatest teacher is.” Yoda’s failures had as much to do with the fall of the Jedi as anyone else’s, and when he had the chance to learn from it, he was going to pass it up.

By the end of the film, both the Resistance and the First Order are devastated. Kylo Ren is Supreme Leader of a handful of vessels with no real power base, while the Resistance fits semi-comfortably in Han Solo’s old beat up weed van. Meanwhile the New Republic is still in shambles. No one WON. All they got from victory was survival. By this point, they’re BOTH defeated, so... Where even was the story going to GO from here?

Also... That focus on the child slaves on Canto Bight at the end? Yeah, fine enough moment on its own, but... We already HAD child slaves established in this trilogy. Because Finn was taken as a child and conscripted, along with all the other stormtroopers of the First Order. So why didn’t THAT get any attention? Indeed, his infiltration of the First Order is no more than show, existing for like five minutes, rather than... y’know, trying to set up a stormtrooper rebellion, something that, by virtue of his character, should have been a running theme through the trilogy. Yet, see again, “Finn is a vestigial limb the movie can’t cut off” - we know from the DVD, he had A LOT of scenes cut and rewritten, at his character’s expense, after, again, being the leading man of the previous movie.

If this film had been a standalone film, like Rogue One or Solo, one of the Star Wars Stories films, rather than a main series film, I’d say it was a good Star Wars movie. But... As part two of a trilogy, part eight of a saga, it fails to connect to the rest of the story, and that, more than anything, is why Rise of Skywalker was what it was. If you didn’t care for Rise of Skywalker, look at what TLJ left for it in terms of connective narrative tissue, and where the story could go from there.

It might be a good film, but it was NOT a good Star Wars film. And I’m judging it as one.

[alizrak]

Chaos Rising Review (Spoilers under the cut)

Non-spoiler review:

Star Wars: Thrawn Ascendancy (Book I: Chaos Rising) is a fascinating new book by Timothy Zahn that takes us on a journey between the “present” and flashbacks, looking at Thrawn’s early days starting with the Academy. It’s an examination of how these experiences slowly serve to build him up as the character we have come to know in the newer “Imperial Trilogy”, as seen in Thrawn 2017, Thrawn: Alliances, and Thrawn: Treason.  

“The peace of the Ascendancy, a beacon of calm and stability, is shattered after a daring attack on the Chiss capital that leaves no trace of the enemy. Baffled, the Ascendancy dispatches one of its brightest young military officers to root out the unseen assailants. A recruit born of no title, but adopted into the powerful family of the Mitth and given the name Thrawn.

With the might of the Expansionary Fleet at his back, and the aid of his comrade Admiral Ar'alani, answers begin to fall into place. But as Thrawn's first command probes deeper into the vast stretch of space his people call the Chaos, he realizes that the mission he has been given is not what it seems. And the threat to the Ascendancy is only just beginning.”

For me, this book has become a personal favorite on par with Thrawn (2017), and it does so by bringing an amazing cast of characters to life in the galaxy far, far away. Learning about them and how they interact with Thrawn and each other is the book’s greatest strength.  

The way the Chiss culture is explored here feels fresh and gives the Ascendancy a life of its own. There is a tug of war going on between the military and the civilian side of their society, something I was looking for beyond the conflict of the Empire and the Rebels/Republic. This also means the Ascendancy has a “complicated” relationship with Thrawn that adds to what we already know is his weakness… politics.

For newcomers, this is a great starting point. You’ll get to the core of who Thrawn is and why he behaves the way he does during the “Imperial Trilogy”. There’s still a very marked difference between this Thrawn and the Rebels version, which makes me appreciate the books even more. You’ll root for these characters and wish things turn out well for them because we know that getting swept up in Thrawn’s plans can be a very dangerous proposition.  

Thrawn’s genius still shines through during the battles and while we know he survives these encounters, there are consequences and repercussions for each of his victories and for the people around him. In any case, while you can obviously expect math and physics to play a big part during the battles, this might be the story with the most HEART of all the Thrawn books.  There are moments of joy, sadness, fear, confusion, and a fair amount of HOPE, things we don’t always get from a Thrawn-centric story. It affected me deeply and I read it again as soon as I finished. Hopefully, you’ll feel the same way. 

I'm so grateful to Zahn for writing this story and I can’t wait to see where it goes in books two and three. I highly recommend this book!

9/10 

SPOILER REVIEW:

From the very beginning, I was swept up in the emotions of the story, something I was not expecting. The memories of young Thrawn getting thrown into the politics of the Mitth and the struggles of being a Navigator from Thalias surprised me by how much my heart hurt for them. And yet, there’s always a hint of hope and that reminder that someone in the universe does care, bringing a smile to my face. 

Seeing a socially awkward Thrawn fumble his way through, even with his fellow Chiss, and trying to find his place in the world is a real treat. As someone who constantly checks herself about not rambling on about my interests, because I fear I’ll upset people or they’ll think I’m weird, it made me really identify with this younger version. 

For the characters, the one I loved maybe the most was Che'ri, the nine year old navigator assigned to the Springhawk, providing us the point of view of a sky-walker. It can be difficult to read sometimes, how these children are experiencing their situation and the people around them in a very distinct way. I really felt her anxiety, her loneliness, her fear, and her hope. Zahn did a wonderful job with her and those with “Third Sight” Force abilities.   

And speaking of Che’ri, we learn that she was the pilot who was with Thrawn during his adventure with Anakin Skywalker in Alliances! Experiencing that first encounter with the future Darth Vader, from Thrawn's and Che'ri's POV, was perfect and very sweet. I’m so glad that we get confirmation that Thrawn is actually very understanding and patient when it comes to kids. Indeed, he looks for ways to encourage them, to become the best version of themselves, as he’s helping anyone willing to learn. 

The other equally important character is former sky-walker and Che’ri’s caregiver, Thalias. I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical of Thalias at first when she’s introduced to us as an adult. I loved her first encounter with Thrawn as a child inone of the “memories” chapters, but I worried for her grown-up version. I was starting to fear Zahn was setting her up just to be a romantic interest for Thrawn, and while it didn’t happen in this book, I still see the potential for that later on, especially when her goal becomes supporting Thrawn. And while it was a rocky start for me, I did come to like and appreciate her, giving us perhaps the most “humane” face of the Chiss so far. She became a favorite for me. 

There was a bit about gender roles being a little too on the nose for me. It wasn't so much that it detracted from the story, but it was noticeable enough to make me raise an eyebrow once or twice. In any case, it was amazing to see how Thrawn is surrounded by capable women. The Empire Trilogy was a bit lacking with this, only having a few important females actually engaged with the main plot (Pryce, Faro, etc), but Chaos Rising was seriously an improvement. 

And for people waiting for Thrass or Formbi, we don't exactly get to see them. There's one single mention confirming Thrass died but no other comment about him being Thrawn's brother or what transpired in the Vagaari incident. Instead, Thrawn mentions he believes he had a navigator older sister when he was very young and she was taken away. My mind was blown. No name was given, but I'm sure she will come up in some of the next books. 

There is a callback to Outbound Flight, specifically Thrass and Thrawn’s iconic exchange about his wish to help people outside the Ascendancy. This time, Ar’alani is the one explaining they can’t do that, but she promises to support him if he gets high enough as an Aristrocra to change their policies from the inside. I think in general this sets an amazing precedent. You know me. I can't help but think about how this could influence future stories with Ezra and Thrawn. To see Thrawn's accomplishments and need to help others, even if he's forbidden to do so as well as how he risked his career again and again, going out of his way to stop these attacks, made me hopeful. I feel it resonates with what Ezra went through and reinforces in me the idea that the middle way he's looking for is them working together. 

Going back to the book, while I felt the main villain (Yiv, the Merciful) was quite scary... there was something missing to make him truly memorable to me. I still can't place my finger on it. I'll need to read the book again to make a better judgement about him. In this case, I was not reading the book because Yiv felt compelling, but more about how Thrawn and company were reacting to him. And speaking of villains, the book ends with the reveal of a new enemy... but just like with Yiv, I felt disconnected from him. We only got a few lines from that one, so I can't tell for sure what to expect from him, but it seems like another guy in a long list of warlords that Thrawn will defeat. Which makes me wonder if we will get any female rivals in the following book. 

In general, I loved the book. I loved the characters. I loved their struggles and how they get to solve these problems. Thrawn always has a card up his sleeve, but there will surely be repercussions for what he did at the end. We know not everyone is happy with him… but I can’t wait to find out what else he will do. In a way, this book would work as a stand-alone story if it wasn’t for that reveal at the end, so I believe anyone could grab it and have a great time. 

[365days365movies]

January 15, 2021: Casino Royale (2006) (Part 1)

So...we meet again, Bond. What’ve you been doing for the past few years?

...What. Not who, James, WHAT. Jeez.

Whatever. BrosBond had 3 movies after GoldenEye, and they were...not great, from what I’ve heard. Remember, I wasn’t as big of a fan of GoldenEye as many critics and fans were; so, I can’t imagine what I’d think of the latter three. Maybe one day, but not today!

Today, I’m focusing my sights on the revitalization of the brand. See, in 2002, Die Another Day came out, and that movie was apparently crazy. TOO crazy. So crazy, in fact, that audiences and critics accused it of losing the plot, and the production studio in charge (Eon Productions) had a yearning to change direction. And their inspiration came from...a surprising place.

See, Joel Schumacher’s campy, over-the-top Batman films were basically wiped out by Christopher Nolan’s 2005 reinvention of the character in Batman Begins. Which is, in my opinion, a highly underrated classic, Seriously. And in 2005, this film was absolutely a smash-hit. Batman was cool again, which a lot of people never thought would happen in film. Eon saw this, and thought...how can we apply that to Bond?

Out with Brosnan...in with Craig.

The first of the new, darker, reinvented Bond films is planned for release in 2006, starring Daniel Craig as the suave, sophisticated spy. And the director of the film was selected to be...Martin Campbell? From GoldenEye? The guy who kinda sorta started the modern over-the-top Bond? Really? I mean, OK. The writers this time are different...except for one. I didn’t talk about the writers last time because I don’t like putting people on blast if I don’t gotta. This time...maybe. We’ll see.

If this Casino Royale is basically Bond Begins, I’m definitely interested. Maybe this’ll revitalize that Bond-love from the Connery days. Let’s find out! We’re also gonna look at the Bond checklist again!

Gadgets: better have more cool gadgets than GoldenEye, I swear...

Bond Girl: GoldenEye’s Natalya wasn’t bad, to be honest; let’s see who his Inevitable Love Interest is this time.

Villain: Alec Trevelyan had so much potential. I need my dastardly villain, let’s do this. Oh, and let’s throw the henchman in here, too. Xenia Onatopp was...a lot...but she was a memorable henchman, at least.

Music: Of course. GoldenEye’s theme was good, and we’ll see how 2006 does.

OK, movie time. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

We start at an office building in Prague, where a man makes his way up to his office. Waiting there for him is, of course, James Bond (Daniel Craig). The man is Dryden, section chief at the British Embassy in Prague, whom M has accused of selling secrets, a big no-no. But Bond...isn’t a double-0 agent. Huh. You got me interested.

Apparently, agents get the two zeroes once they’ve killed two people on file. James hadn’t killed anyone...until recently. Which is when we get this.

OH SHIT

This is an absolutely BRUTAL fight. It’s not choreographed flashily, it’s not pretty...it’s rough. It’s intense. And it’s...oh my God, wow. Made me feel it. And what’s astonishing is that it’s SO short.

On learning this, Dryden tells him not to worry, the second one is...

...YOU GOT ME. I’M IN FOR THE FUCKIN’ RIDE

HOW??? How is it that in 3 minutes of screentime, I’m already more satisfied by Craig’s Bond than I was for the ENTIRETY of GoldenEye? That is masterfully done, right off the bat. WOW. We even get a smooth-as-silk segue into the classic bullet turret sequence, and that takes us right into the song and opening credits. And...wow.

Here’s the thing about Bond openings, as I mentioned last time: they were all directed by one guy up until GoldenEye, and were basically all silhouetted women with themes and scenes from the movie projected around them. The Brosnan movies followed suit, always having silhouetted women in one way or another. Die Another Day used CGI women and...a really bad Madonna song. It was...it is NOT GOOD, guys. Look it up, it’s the most 2002 thing I’ve ever heard.

But here’s the fin bit about Casino Royale. This is the first Bond movie opening with no women in it. Yeah. It’s the first one. And the song is Chris Cornell’s You Know My Name, and it’s good! Not sure it’s going in my soundtrack, though.

Finally, the opening credits sequence itself: it’s once again Daniel Kleinman doing it, and it’s actually inspired by the first James Bond book Casino Royale, which had already had a TV special and unofficial Bond movie made from it! The cover had a playing card motif, and the opening carries over that motif creatively. I really dig it, if I’m honest! Definitely a welcome break from the 44 years of Bond films preceding it.

Uganda! And we meet the villain of this film: Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen). And GODDAMN if that isn’t a Bond villain! He’s a banker, making a deal with a rebel leader, Steven Obanno (Isaach de Bankole), via their liason Mr. White (Jesper Christiensen). Setting up an attack by supplying Obanno with money, he sells his stocks of a company called Skyfleet, knowing that they’re about to fail.

Meanwhile, a ferret’s fighting an Asian species of cobra. In Madagascar. My zoology senses are EXPLODING, OH my God. So much wrong there. Anyway, there’s a bombmaker in the crowd watching the fight. He’s being tailed by Bond and another agent, Carter, who tips off the guy by being a bad spy. Bond chases him to a construction yard. What now, James?

Awesome. Why is this awesome when I said that the tank was dumb? Because at least it makes sense for a bulldozer to go haywire in a construction yard, just sayin’. Plus, this dude clearly isn’t the best, as he fires on construction workers and cops.

Eventually, this chase sequence brings us to the top of a crane, where this exchange happens.

I, uh...I love this movie already. That’s goddamn great.

The chase scene as a whole is also fantastic, as it continues off the bridge and into an abandoned building, then escalates into the streets, brings in law enforcement, and eventually ends with Bond at an embassy, facing down both the military and the bomb maker. He kills the guy, shoots some gas tanks, grabs the bomb, and then gets the hell out of there.

...Y’know what, that was fucking amazing, but he also almost certainly caused an international incident there. And I should be annoyed about that, but guess what! It makes sense! This is an inexperienced Bond, one who’s JUST been promoted to 00 status as 007, as the prologue explained. So, y’know what? I’m into it!

Cut to a yacht, like you do in a Martin Campbell Bond film. There, we have our villain, Le Chiffre, playing a card game. Also, he weeps blood. Yeah. HE WEEPS BLOOD.

OK, if that isn’t some Bond villain shit, I don’t know WHAT is. He’s also asthmatic, because I love it. I love it so much. He’s a mathematically-brilliant asthmatic that weeps blood. More, please. 

He’s also a person aware of what Bond did at the embassy, as it’s already become an international incident! Thank you for showing consequences, movie! Damn! I love it! This has two additional consequences. One, Le Chiffre notes that the code “Ellipsis” used by the bomber may be soon to expire, indicating a connection between the two. And the second consequence? M’s pissed.

M! DAME JUDI DENCH! One of my favorite things about GoldenEye was bringing in Judi Dench as M, and she made it through the reboot! And she’s still as entertaining as she was before, calling Bond out for his stupidity, and explaining that she misses the Cold War.

In her apartment, M does her normal exposition schtick, and her interactions with Bond are fantastic here. She’s understandably angry at him, and gives him what for, but she’s also clearly impressed that he FIGURED OUT WHERE SHE LIVES, as well as her REAL NAME. Shows her opinion of Bond and aspects of Bond’s character in a single, masterful stroke. 

Well. Goddamn. Done.

The Bahamas! Bond’s here to find Alex Dimitrios (Simon Abkarian), a Greek businessman who’s believed to have a connection with Le Chiffre himself. And, as James Bond is wont to do, he finds him at a party, playing cards. And here’s where the reinvention of Bond comes full circle.

See, Bond’s doing all the typical Bond things, yeah. But there are some differences present here, as well as some neat nuances. Bond isn’t wearing the suit, first of all. He actually hasn’t worn a suit the whole movie, which makes perfect sense for a spy. Suits aren’t exactly the least conspicuous thing in the world; bound to get you noticed if you don’t want to be.

And then, there’s the girl. This is Solange Dimitrios (Catherina Murino), the wife of Alex who was treated BADLY by him at the party. That gives her a reason to take Bond’s offer for a ride to his place, outside of just his raw animalistic charm that he seems to have in some of these movies. Look at that, already more chemistry than he had with Natalya in GoldenEye.

And yes, this results in her cheating on Alex. Is her cheating justified from a moral standpoint? No, of course it isn’t. And of course, this leads to the typical Bond-handsome-sex-GOOD sequence, but again, some nuance here! First of all, he doesn’t win her over with corny clever lines, like what we saw in GoldenEye multiple ties. Second, this is actually all an attempt to get some infomation from her about her husband. Bond might be enjoying it, but his womanizing here actually has a purpose. And that’s rare!

That’s further punctuated by the fact that he STRAIGHT UP LEAVES BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS. Yeah, she tells him that Alex just made his way to Miami, and he leaves! Dick move, yeah, but it makes sense! James isn’t here for pleasure, he’s here for work!

He follows Alex to a Bodies at Work exhibit (you know, the preserved and skinned cadavers put into poses that used to tour around the USA? I saw it in Times Square at the end of its popularity. A little ghoulish, maybe, but I think it’s pretty cool), where the two of them get in a very tense close-up knife fight in public.

Alex is dead, but not before passing off a package to someone else at the exhibition. Bond tails the guy to Miami International Airport, where the largest airplane in the world is set to be unveiled. Using the code sent to the bombers, Bond gets into the back, and goes to intercept the disguised bomber who’s set to blow up the SkyChonk (I mean it, that giant airplane is THICCC).

Time for another cool chase sequence! Some luggage is destroyed, along with a bus, the cops join in on the chase, an airplane is prevented from landing (making someone on that plane probably very upset), and Bond somehow manages to prevent the plane from blowing up. And it’s by the SKIN of his teeth, lemme tell you. Also, he blows up a dude with his own flashlight bomb.

Nice. Somehow, Bond isn’t arrested, and makes his way back to the Bahamas. And it looks like Solange isn’t the Bond girl after all. Because she was thought to be the information leak (which she was, to an extent), she was tortured to death. Whoof.

M’s in the Bahamas now, and the exposition continues. She’s done with Bond’s bullshit, and she plants a tracker under his skin. She explains that with the big boi plane destroyed, somebody stood a lot to gain financially from the stock crash to come. Except that the plane wasn’t destroyed, and that person lost $100 million by “betting the wrong way.”

That person, of course, was Le Chiffre, a manthematical genius and chess prodigy, who plays poker for fun, and plays the stock market with his clients’ money. Bond’s the best poker player in MI6 (a good addition that we already saw foreshadowed earlier! See what I mean?), and she’s sending him to a high stakes poker game that Le Chiffre’s looking to regain his money from. 

Bond FINALLY dons his suit, and gets on a train in Montenegro, where he meets...

Vesper Lynd (Eva Green). THERE’S our Bond girl! Although, there’s a reference to Miss Moneypenny in their introduction, which is interesting. But Vesper is an agent for the British Treasury, supplying the money for the buy-in for the tournament. And their conversation on the train...wow. Now THIS is chemistry, seriously.

Vesper’s a great character, and she gives Bond NO quarter. She reads his character, and calls him out very accurately. They also explain why both Bond and Vesper are good at poker: it’s all about reading people. I’m genuinely impressed by how this movie is put together, and how well-thought out Bond is as a character. And this is the dimension I love to see in a Bond girl as well!

GODDAMN, I am in love with this movie. More coming in Part 2!

[aion-rsa]

F9 Ending Is a Game Changer

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This article contains F9 spoilers.

Family. It’s the mantra by which Vin Diesel’s Dom Toretto has lived his life for nine movies, and it’s long been the handy slogan for the Fast and Furious franchise, too. But perhaps fittingly for an installment which sees director Justin Lin step back behind the camera, the theme of one’s chosen family has never been more pronounced.

What it means to be in Dom’s “mi familia” is central to F9. After all, this is the film where we learn Dom and his dear sister Mia (Jordana Brewster) have another sibling who they never speak of: John Cena’s morally ambiguous Jakob. As becomes clear over the course of the film, Brian might’ve been the brother Dom chose, but that was only after choosing to disown his actual little brother. But it’s kind of a funny story about the past: it can come roaring back at you like a Mustang flying beneath a military jet.

Hence when the F9 ending comes around, all those inner conflicts come bubbling to the surface. Indeed, the actual narrative stakes of the finale are almost an afterthought.

How Family Wins

The basic mechanics of the ending are fairly simple. Jakob and his oily business partner, poor little rich boy Otto (Thue Ersted Rasmussen), have successfully stolen access to Ares, a digital weapon operated from a satellite that gives its owners control over every operating system in the world. Or as Ludacris’ Tej points out, “Ares is the God War; if Jakob gets his hands on this, he’ll be the God of Damn Near Everything.” Once its upload is complete, Jakob and Otto will more or less be able to hold the whole world hostage.

The actual folks who save the day, then, are really Tej and Roman (Tyrese Gibson) who ride a rocket-powered Pontiac Fiero into space. By driving the car straight through the satellite, they prevent Otto from gaining control of the whole world’s digital space. But back on earth, he’s already cut Jakob out at this point, making a new deal with his brief prisoner Cipher (Charlize Theron). Which on a certain level you have to respect since she burned Otto harder than a thousand mean tweets with that “You’re Yoda” line.

By teaming with Cipher, the silver spoon prick sets Jakob up to die. Instead Dom’s little brother forms a new alliance with his long lost siblings, and together they bring down Otto’s truck and Cipher’s drone-controlled plane.

Why Dom Is Furious

More important than the plot mechanics of space travel and digital MacGuffins, however, is the relationship between Dom and Jakob. Established with total straight faced sincerity in the opening credits, Dom and Jakob’s backstory rewrites the very first The Fast and the Furious movie where we were told Dom went to prison for beating near to death the man responsible for his father’s racing crash. As we now discover through flashback, that was a lie that Dom only wishes was the truth. While the man who got wrenched might have helped cause their father to crash, Papa was set up to lose the race due to Jakob sabotaging the vehicle.

This is the dirty secret which caused Dom to banish Jakob from his sight after he got out of prison, and it is why Jakob remade himself into… well, John Cena. He wanted to be his own man and a greater alpha than his big brother could ever dream of becoming. Dom Toretto, the ultimate paterfamilias, pushed his actual flesh and blood away and has been attempting to replace him ever since.

It’s an interesting retcon which gives Toretto’s “Family” a little more depth and also sets Cena up to be a franchise mainstay, presumably replacing the unmentionable Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson), whose offscreen beef with certain co-stars makes a return unlikely. Because, of course, Jakob really didn’t try to kill his father; it was Dom’s misunderstanding because their Dad asked Jakob to help him throw the race. And through the compassionate influence of Mia, Jakob discovers he really still wants to be Dom’s little bro.

It’s a nice sentiment, although it plays an interesting contrast to another major subplot in F9. Much of the film is rightly about bringing justice to Han (Sung Kang), who died in Fast & Furious 6/Tokyo Drift (the timeline is complicated). Yet his murderer was forgiven and accepted as a member of the family in The Fate of the Furious.

The Han of It All

In F9 it’s revealed that Han faked his death to protect a young orphan named Elle (Anna Sawai) in Tokyo. Nonetheless, the man Dom thought killed another surrogate brother was invited to the family barbecue in the last movie. Jakob did not kill anyone in Dom’s new family… but he did try to hurt Elle, whose blood held the Ares access codes. He certainly kidnapped her and threatened an extended member of the family. It’s also unclear if Jakob played a role in shooting down the plane Mr. Nobody (Kurt Russell) was on before the movie started, but he did work with Cipher at the time—the woman who also killed the mother of Dom’s child.

We of course don’t know if Mr. Nobody is alive or dead, but he was a close enough associate to Dom’s kin that they wanted to investigate his disappearance and save him if they could. In other words, Jakob is only a few degrees removed from Jason Statham’s villainous Shaw who was so quickly forgiven. But then, I suppose that’s why we never learn Mr. Nobody’s fate; nor is Jakob quite yet at the stage of being at the family cookout. That can come later, as there are at least two more mainline Fast and Furious movies in the works.

In the meantime, the film closes on Dom once again at the grill. Trej and Roman have returned from space after spending weeks on the International Space Station. It’s left ambiguous how there was enough food or oxygen for their unplanned visit, and how this wasn’t a global incident. (Also would international governments see them as heroes for stopping a terrorist like Cipher? And if so, would that not be a front page story around the world?) Whatever, they’re back from orbit and are now chilling in East LA with Dom.

And as food is put on the table, everyone waits for the one person whose chair remains empty. While the movie has the good grace not to CGI Paul Walker’s face into another scene, the unseen driver running late to the dinner is of course Brian. At least in this universe, the reunion is whole.

… And if you stay for the post-credits Han may yet truly bury the hatchet with the family’s most controversial member: Jason Statham. But that’s another story for another time.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The post F9 Ending Is a Game Changer appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3xSTkrJ