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dokoni-mo · 4 years

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Forgotten Coffee || Darth Vader x Reader

(A/N: yes hi so I wrote this for my good, good friend jojo @obiwankenobiness ,, she came up with this prompt and i ABSOLUTELY had to write it. This is one hell of a big ol fluffy fluff, so be warned! however, it might do you some good after chapter 5 of BaT :’))) speaking of which, I have tagged all my normal people for Bat/FaT,, i hope that’s okay!! one last thing - this is set after the events of RotJ and before the epilouge of FaT. I will link my masterlist below if you don’t know what im talking about/need a refresher!! I hope you all enjoy, ESPECIALLY you, Jojo. Thank you so much for being so kind, and thank you even more for being such a dear friend. ily and I hope this can make you happy, and I hope even more that it’s everything you ever wanted <3 )

Link to Masterlist : [x]

WARNINGS: cursing, small amount of angst, TOOTH-ROTTING FLUFF, otherwise none!!

Key: (F/N) = first name

Word Count: ~3500

~~~

Making a house on your new home planet was the easy part. Making it a home was the challenging part.

It had been about half a year since the fall of the Empire. You and Vader had seemingly just gotten settled into this planet, learning about its climate, weather habits, vegetation and wildlife together along the way. It was quite the beautiful place, and the perfect place to hide.

The planet was far, far away from any known systems, and much further away from any trace of the Empire. The two of you picked the planet for this specific reason; to be away from everyone. However, this hadn’t stopped you from telling his children where the planet was, pinging them a signal once you were able to construct a communication device strong enough.

Was it sort of a risky move? Sure, it was. But you both agreed that his children deserved to know where the two of you were.

Just in case they run into trouble and need our help, was how you justified it.

Vader agreed with this, but disagreed at the same time.

Yes, he did think it was a good idea for Luke and Leia to know where their father is, but also didn’t want anyone to know of the planet. Vader was unnerved, to say the absolute least, that somehow someone would find your new home and destroy it, and him alongside. Or, even worse…

Destroy you.

He couldn’t bear the thought.

Even just picturing you harmed in any way…

It brought back old ghosts to Vader. Ones he didn’t wish to remember or visit him.

All he simply wished to do was live out the rest of his days in peace, here on this nowhere planet with you.

He, however, was finding this difficult to do. No matter how hard he tried, tried for you, his mind would slip back into a state of unbridled worry.

That afternoon was one of those times.

Constructing the house was proving to be much more difficult than you had originally thought. Coming from a village of people who made their own homes out of recycled materials, you had believed that constructing a house should be not much of a problem for you. Granted, laying out the foundations of said house really wasn’t. However, what went in the house was the challenging part.

You knew that he needed certain things to keep him alive and comfortable (his meditation pod and bacta tank), but you never believed that constructing these things would be so challenging. Yes, you were trying to juggle this feat alongside the repairs to his suit, but his accommodations were the far more stubborn and frustrating of the two tasks. With only having the rubble of a crashed Star Destroyer to work with, you had to bullshit your way around a lot of problems you occurred. You couldn’t, however, bullshit too much, because then you would start to jeopardize his health and comfort.

Those were two things you were not willing to gamble with.

With the setting sun creeping in through the windows of your house, you decided that enough was enough for one day. You had battled with the filter to his bacta tank for far too long, and your muscles and bones were complaining because of it. Hobbling your way into the half-furnished living room, you sat down upon the sofa with a long, deep sigh, relief washing over you as your legs got a much needed break.

A sheen of sweat on your forehead, you pulled off your fingerless gloves as quickly as possible, stretching and clamping them as you pulled your goggles off of your face, setting them beside you. With your hands now stretched, you focused on providing some relief to your legs, rubbing your hands up and down your thighs in an attempt to soothe your muscles.

Vader must have sensed that you had completed your work for the day, since he was quick to come in from the garden to see you. Looking up at his large, tall, black frame coming through the doorway, you smiled up at him, your cheeks pink from both the sight of your lover just barely fitting through the doorframe and your raised body temperature from your work. Closing the door behind him, Vader’s gaze went to your face.

“Are you finished for the evening, darling?” he asked you, the bass in his voice nearly making the windows shake.

You nodded your head, making circles with your shoulders to stretch them out, “Yeah, I am. Do you want anything for dinner? I’m not really hungry but I’ll make you whatever you want.”

“That is quite alright.” he said, “I do not seem to have much of an appetite tonight either.”

You ceased to stretch your shoulders at your words, the smile on your face forming into a concerned look as you gazed upon your lover.

This was the third meal in a row that he had refused. It wasn’t a matter of that he felt bad for you making him food, no. The two of you have had that discussion long ago. You were afraid this was a far more pressing matter, and you had a good idea of what it was.

“Love,” you said, your voice lowered to match your concern, “You haven’t eaten since dinner last night… you have to keep up your strength.”

He stared at you for a long moment before saying anything.

“I am aware, darling.”

“Then how about I make you some dinner, okay?” you asked, your tone still soft, “I’ll bring it to your pod like you like it.”

“No. That is not necessary. I do not wish to consume anything at the moment. I thank you for offering, however, dear.”

You let out a small sigh. You loved Vader with every atom in your body, but damn was he stubborn.

“Vee.” you said, your tone now firm, “You’re making me worried.”

He tilted his armored head to the side, the sound of his respirator in your ears, “How so?”

“You haven’t been eating much recently, love.” you explained, “And I’ve been noticing how much time you spend outside… Is there something you need to tell me, dear?”

He simply just stared at you again, taking in the sight of your worried face.

You didn’t deserve to feel such a way. You didn’t need the added stress of worrying about him.

He decided it would be best to tell you what was happening.

He hung his head slightly, “I… I have been troubled, darling.”

“Troubled?” you asked.

“Yes.”

You eyed him for a moment.

That was all he needed to tell you.

“Vee, listen to me, okay?” you said, “No one is going to find us here. The only two people in the entire galaxy that know where we are is Luke and Leia, and there’s no way in hell that they would rat us out. There is literally no reason why the Empire or anyone would come here looking for us. This planet is in the middle of nowhere. We will be okay, dear. I promise.”

He picked up his head to look at you again, making you offer him a small, warm smile in return.

You were so breathtakingly gorgeous to him.

Both inside and out.

He wanted to believe you. He really did.

And he did trust you. More than anyone he ever had, in fact.

But, still..

This feeling inside him, the fear he felt…

He couldn’t shake it. No matter how hard he tried.

Your words did soothe his nerves a certain amount, but still…

This issue would need time.

You both knew this, unconsciously.

He only could pray that you would accept this and stop your worrying.

He didn’t want you to stress.

He loved you far too much for that.

Walking his heavy, large boots over to you, he reached down to your face, giving your cheek a gentle brush with the back of his knuckles.

Your cheeks stained pink again as he spoke, “I appreciate your concern, dear. I believe I will retire for the night.”

Your lips parting, you weren’t expecting him to just go to bed so early and leave it at that. You wanted to protest, to get him to talk about it more, but you knew better than to press the subject.

It took you this long for him to open up to you even a little bit. You didn’t want all your work together to go to waste.

No. Instead, you gave him a little smile and a nod, “Okay, dear. Goodnight, I love you.”

“I love you too, (F/N).”

With that, he left the living room to your shared bedroom, the weight of his steps making the wooden floorboards beneath him creak and moan. You followed him with your gaze as you watched him leave, noticing how his cape fluttered in the wind behind him.

His cape…

It was quite old now, worn even. The end of it was in tatters, and significantly lighter in hue than the rest of the material.

It looked… sad.

Just like he had been, before you and him came to be a thing.

Your lips parting again, an idea shot through your mind as you processed the sight of his cape.

An idea to you, but he would call it more of a scheme.

A determined smile came upon your face.

You set yourself up for a long, long night, but you didn’t care.

You would do anything, stay up countless nights, if it meant he was at peace and happy.

Once he disappeared into your shared bedroom, you made for your fabric cabinet, setting your scheme into motion.

~~~\

The night had been a long one, that was nothing but a fact.

You had brewed seemingly endless amounts of caf to keep you awake, and your tongue was quite sick of the taste by the time morning had came. You didn’t even realize how long you had worked until you heard the birds chirping outside your window. Looking up from your completed project strewn across your dining table, your felt the bags underneath your eyes as you saw the sunlight creep inside your home as a welcome intruder.

Shit. It was almost time to wake him up.

Rising from your chair, you stretched and yawned as you made your way into the kitchen, stopping in front of the counter and pouring yourself another cup of caf. Bringing the mug to the table, you placed the cup upon it's surface before padding your feet across the hallway to your bedroom. Creaking the door open, you slowly tip-toed your way to his meditation pod, pressing your ear against the cool surface of the metal. Gently, you knocked on the metal, your voice matching as you spoke.

“Vee.” you said, your voice quiet from how tired you were, “It’s time to wake up.”

After a brief pause of silence, you heard the whirr of the pod placing his helmet and mask upon his head. Stepping back, you watched as the pod hissed open, another yawn escaping your lips. Stepping forward again, you reached into the metal container to your love, helping him out of it as you spoke again.

“Morning Vee.” you said as his boots made contact with the floor.

“Good Morning, darling.” he rumbled out, his voice deeper as it shaked off his slumber.

Smiling tiredly up to him, you asked him your usual morning question, “What do you want for breakfast?”

Looking down at you, Vader instantly noticed the dark circles under your eyes. A pang of concern shooting through him, he cupped your face in his large, gloved hands.

“Darling.” he said, “Are you alright?”

“Of course I am.” you said, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You look as if you did not get any rest last night. Did something keep you awake?”

You blinked at him slowly in confusion at first, your tired mind making you slow to process. Blinking again as you remembered what had kept you awake, a small smile painted your lips.

“Yeah.” you said, “Something did.”

He was definitely worried now, “What was it?”

“A surprise!”

He tilted his head at this. He certainly was not expecting that.

“A surprise?”

“Yeah!” you exclaimed, taking one of his hands into your own, “Come see!”

Pulling him out of the bedroom and over to the kitchen, you stopped him once he was in front of the dining table. Taking a few steps in front of him, you picked up his surprise from the table’s surface, holding it in your tired, groggy grasp as you presented it up to him with a dopey smile on your face.

He was shocked, but in quite a good way.

A cape?

“I made you a new cape!” you said proudly, showing him the front and back of the cloth.

The new cape was a medium-toned blue, large enough to fit across his broad shoulders, and long enough to just barely miss the ground as he stood. At the bottom of the cape was a thick strip of golden cloth, an intricate pattern woven into it, and the stitching was noticeably hand-done.

It was...

Perfect.

You smiled down at the fabric as you spoke, “I just thought that giving you a little change would do you some good. I know we just got your new hands to work, and we finally got some privacy here on this planet, so I thought I would also make this as a little celebration gift.”

You turned your gaze to him as you continued, a smile still on your tired face, “Also, your old one was really raggedy, so I made you this new one. You can tell me if you don’t like it, though. I won’t be offended. I know it’s kinda out of your style…”

Vader was speechless.

Vader was hardly ever speechless, but he simply could not comprehend the sight before him.

This girl, who he loved oh, so dearly with every fiber, every ounce of his being…

Made something so beautiful, so perfect…

For him.

She stayed up all hours of the night, slaving away at this cape…

For him.

How.

How did he get so damn lucky?

How did he deserve any of this?

This house? This cape?

You?

After everything he had done?

He was sure right then that he was the luckiest man in the galaxy.

Realizing that he still hadn’t said anything, Vader responded to you.

“My dear,” he said, his head tilted to the side, “I shall adorn anything you make with pride.”

Another dopey smile coming onto your exhausted face, a yawn came out of your throat, “Really? You like it?”

“Yes.”

You let out a tiny squeal of happiness, “I’m so glad! I’ll iron it after breakfast and help you put it on.”

Vader watched as you folded up his new cape and set it on the table, right next to the cup of caf you poured earlier. Picking up his gaze, he watched your much smaller frame begin to pad your feet into the kitchen.

“Speaking of breakfast,” you said over your shoulder, opening the cabinets to see what kinds of ingredients you had available, “What would you like?”

Vader said nothing, not moving one muscle as he stared at you.

He was… in awe.

How did you do it? He could visibly see the lack of sleep you had gotten, yet you still pressed on. You asked him what he wished to consume without a second thought, ignoring the fact that you were dead tired.

You were so beautiful. So strong.

He couldn’t fathom how he deserved you. How you stayed so strong despite how life had been so cruel to you.

He couldn’t begin to fathom how the universe could make such a perfect human being.

You…

You were the only one in so, so long that saw Vader not as a machine nor a weapon…

But a person. A living, breathing, person.

You did everything for him. You made him happy, you calmed his nerves, you soothed his anger, you listened to his rambles, you made him a house, you helped him to escape the clutches of the Empire....

You saved his life.

…

He loved you.

He loved you so, so much.

He would never be able to find the words to tell you just how much he did.

“Vee.” he heard you say, snapping him out of his awe-struck state, “You’re staring again. Did you hear me? What would you like for breakfast? I’ll make you anything you want.”

He didn’t want anything to consume that morning.

Nothing at all.

He only wanted you. To be close to you, to hold you tight and never let you go.

And he planned to do as such.

Stepping forward across the expanse of food flooring that separated the two of you, Vader watched as a confused expression glinted across your face. You asked him what he was doing, but he gave you no response. Instead, he leaned down closer to your height, wrapping his big, strong arms around your waist. Making sure that you were secure in his grasp, he hoisted you up, slinging you over one of his strong shoulders.

A deep pink blush spread over your cheeks, “V-Vee, what-”

Ignoring your confusion once more, Vader carried you back into your shared bedroom, making sure that you were comfortable yet secure in his grasp. Pushing open the door to the bedroom with his boot, Vader carried you over to the bed in the center of the room, making the blush on your cheeks deepen in hue.

Expecting to get thrown onto the bed’s surface, you were surprised when your love sat upon the bed, his weight making the wood and mattress below groan. Soon after sitting down, Vader moved you so that you were seated in his broad lap, your legs straddling his strong, large waist. Snaking up his arms under your own, Vader pulled you close to his huge chest, getting you as close to him as possible.

Your tired brain making you slower to process what was happening, Vader took it upon himself to help you along, resting his armored chin on your small shoulder.

“Hold me, darling.” he said, his deep voice much softer than normal.

Feeling your heart swell in your chest, you slowly wrapped your arms around his armored neck, nuzzling your face into his shoulder armor as you held him tightly.

Vader was much much larger than you, but it made him all the better to cuddle with. His lap was surprisingly soft, despite how muscular he was beneath all the leather, and his grasp around you was so, so soothing. Closing your eyes peacefully, you breathed in his scent as he rubbed one of his hands up and down your back. His gloved hand was quite large, and nearly engulfed your entire lower back.

He was so gentle with you. It soothed you to no end.

You felt yourself start to drift off to sleep, feeling so safe and secure in his arms. Before you could, however, you heard his deep voice speak to you. Since you were pressed to close to his chest, you could feel the rumble of his voice’s bass from within.

“I love you endlessly, darling.” he said, his voice still much softer than normal, “Are you aware of this?”

You were far too tried for words, so you simply nodded your head against his shoulder is response.

Vader let out a satisfied rumble. He could feel every single one of his nerves and fears melt away as he held you, soothing him to no end. Picking up his head from your shoulder, he pressed the triangle mouthpiece of his mask into your hair, making a small smile appear on your lips.

His version of a kiss, you took it.

He rubbed your back with his hand once more, speaking to you again, “Rest easy, darling. I shall continue to hold you until you awaken. Forget about your tasks and rest with me for the day. I shall keep you warm and protect you from all harm, for the rest of time. I love you, (F/N), my darling. You have made my life complete. I wish for nothing more than to be beside you for the rest of my days. You are my entire life, (F/N), my everything. I love you so, so much.”

A small smile still on your face, you held onto your love tight as you felt yourself drift off into sleep. As he promised, Vader held onto you for as long as you slept, nothing but thoughts of you in his mind.

It was a beautiful sight, but one that no other man should ever see. A reformed sith lord, holding onto the love of his life on the planet they had escaped to, in the house that she had built, far, far away from any prying eyes, from any harm.

Your forgotten cup of caf upon the table filled the air with it's scent.

That day, this house was no longer just a house.

But a home.

~~~

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#darth vader #darth vader x reader #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker #anakin x you #fanfiction #fanfic #star wars #star wars x reader #star wars x you #star wars fanfiction #star wars fanfic #usernobie

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fangirlovestuff · 4 years

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The Heart Wants What it Wants - Chris Evans x reader pt.3

a/n- Hey lovely people! hope you’re all doing great! I know i’ve said this is the last chapter, but I was thinking about making an epilouge of sorts from Chris’ perspective... anyone interested? if yes please tell me! italics are for thoughts/memories and bold italics is text messeges. Also you know the drill... summary is from pinterest. Hope you enjoy <3

part 2

Summary: You either say how you feel and fuck it up or say nothing and let it fuck you up instead.

Warnings: age gap, a little angst

It's been 10 months since the last time you saw him, at that bar. You tried to give up the habit of counting, but it was useless. You went on a couple dates, but it was a waste of time. You had almost resigned to your fate of being an old maid, married to your job.

Now, you were sitting in Scarlett's kitchen, munching on some chocolate chip cookies you'd just baked together. You never told Scarlett about Chris, about your… thing. How could you? You had no idea what would she say, how she would react. Would she tell you it's a good thing you weren't together? Would she tell you to move on? Or would she tell you something else, more positive? You didn’t know, and the thought was giving you a headache.

"Spill it," Scarlett said, sitting down next to you after she finished putting all the dishes in the sink. She picked up a cookie and took a bite, making an appreciative face. "You've been zoned out all day. What's going on?"

"Nothing," you finished your cookie and picked up another. You shrugged at Scarlett's inquisitive look.

"Alright, you leave me no choice." She got up, taking the plate of fresh cookies with her and backing away before you realized what she was doing. "No more cookies for you until you tell me what's wrong." She put the plate down on the counter and stood in front of it, her hands crossed on her chest.

"Noooo," you whined. You could just get up, but you were a little tired from hiding such a big portion of your thoughts from Scarlett. She was pretty much your mentor in everything else, what's the harm in telling her? It’s just one person who you trust and love.

"C'mon, keeping things in is never the answer," Scarlett urged you.

You had been distant all day. It was just one of these days you were deep in your head about love and life and whatnot. Scarlett deserved an explanation – it was one of the rare days you could spend together, given your often conflicting schedules. And honestly, you just wanted a hug, someone to comfort you and tell you it's all gonna be okay. You hoped Scarlett would do that and not something else, but you trusted her.

You sighed deeply. "I'm sorry for being distant," you started. "It's just… there's this guy. And well, he's wonderful really. I met him like two years ago." Scarlett was smart, so you needed to… compartmentalize, twist the facts a little. You wanted to share your own struggle with her, not Chris', especially because she knew him. "We hit it off, but it ended up not working out. And I just can't seem to leave him behind. I met him again some time ago, that's why I was distracted."

"Who was it? I don't remember you telling me about anyone special two years ago," Scarlett furrowed her brow.

"You don't know everything about me," you said in a mock-mysterious tone, smirking.

"So, what's stopping you from leaving him behind?"

"Well, I can't stop thinking about the what ifs. What if we would've been great together? What if he was the love of my life and I let him go?" you said, taking a sip of water.

"The love of your life are big words to describe someone. He must've had a pretty big-" she started smiling and you swatted her across the arm, nearly choking on your drink. If she knew who she was talking about, she DEFINITELY would've not said that.

"I was gonna say heart!" she sent you an innocent look and you gave her a "cut the bullshit" one. "Anyways," she continued, unbothered, "If you feel like that, why not just go back to him? Ask him for a second chance."

"It's not that easy," you smiled bitterly. "There was a pretty good reason why it didn't work."

She nodded her head at you, expecting you to elaborate. "Let's just say there were things we weren't willing to give up on for the sake of our relationship."

"Alright, go ahead, be mysterious," she smiled fondly. You knew that was her 'you're so young and innocent' smile, but you appreciated that she didn't voice the thought out loud and treated you overall seriously. "Look, maybe things changed. I still think you should ask him."

"Thanks," you got up and gave her a hug, reaching behind her for the plate of cookies and grabbing another one. She laughed when you released her to take a bite.

"What do you wanna watch?" she asked, bringing the plate with her as you both went to the living room, sitting down on the couch.

"Something really really sappy."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another night in the public eye, you thought bitterly as you eyed the roomful of strangers with fancy dresses and suits. Some of them actors and actresses, directors, creatives, and some of them there for media coverage. Ever since that night at the bar a year ago, you couldn't help but look at the industry with bitter criticism for taking your happiness away from you, in a sense.

You turned back to the conversation with a forced smile on your face.

"Oh no, I really don't think I'm gonna get it," Scarlett laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear gently. She was up for a 'best actress in a drama movie' tonight, and everyone but her was convinced she was going to win. Your eyes roamed around the room again, unable to stay interested in the polite small-talk. You took in the elegant décor of the room that was filling with familiar faces by the minute. Everyone was all smiles and polite interest; "oh, I heard you did that movie with…", "That's a beautiful dress!", "Who are you here with?" and similar questions were spoken abundantly throughout the room.

Your eyes stopped on the back of a suit jacket. At first you were just staring into space, not really focused on what you were seeing but rather listening to different conversations around you. But then the man wearing the suit moved a little, still talking to someone, but that shook you from your blank stare. You registered the black suit jacket filled up nicely with broad shoulders, moving your gaze to his neck and the back of his head, soft brown hair looking appealing to touch. He turned around, his profile now within your sight, and you felt your breath get caught in your throat. How didn't you recognize him?

You couldn’t resist – your gaze traveling over his features; his long lashes, bright eyes, flushed cheeks, beautiful lips, broad shoulders covered in a black tailored suit-jacket.

Shit, what am I doing? You averted your gaze quickly before he would notice you staring. He was talking to someone and he had a beautiful girl on his arm. Knowing Chris' track record, she could've easily been just a friend, but rationality has never been known to be a worthy adversary to jealousy. You took a sharp breath. The feeling panged through you, making your muscles clench, your body tensing up. You forcefully pushed him out of your mind, willing yourself to relax and be sensible. He's not yours, he never will be, whispered a thousand voices in your head. Shut up, you thought back.

You and Scarlett took your seats in one of the first rows. Chris was sitting somewhere behind you, and you could've sworn you felt his gaze travel across your neck, shoulders, back, but maybe that was just wishful thinking. Either way, his presence felt awfully prominent to you.

The night went by in a blur, award after award being handed out to people, some genuinely grateful and excited, some looking too smug for the occasion in your opinion. You tried to pay attention, but simply couldn't. Maybe you were tired, maybe the ceremony was just boring, but you just didn't have the willpower to stop your thoughts from wandering all over the place. Is Chris looking at me? Should I try to look back at him? Are we gonna talk tonight? What good would that do? Ok, focus on the ceremony… But maybe we still stand a chance? If we talk tonight, should I tell him I've changed my mind? That we should go for this no matter what? Maybe things changed, you remembered yours and Scarlett's conversation from a couple of months ago. No, that's just the boring ceremony talking, this industry is your life, you're gonna regret this. Or maybe you're not, maybe loving him will be better than anything else… Oh you've loved him this long and nothing's changed! Ugh, I mean being in a relationship! Maybe this time-

"And now, presenting the award for best actress in a drama movie…"

The conversation you were having with yourself in your head got cut off by the announcement for Scarlett's category. You abandoned your thoughts immediately, grabbing Scarlett's hand and squeezing it in encouragement. She smiled back at you, shaking her head. You raised her eyebrows at her, nodding playfully. You both giggled and she turned her head as the camera showing the nominees focused on her, waving a little.

"And this year's best actress in a drama movie is… Scarlett Johansson!" The crowd applauded and the camera focused on Scarlett once more, her face drawn into a huge shocked smile. She covers her mouth with her hands excitedly before hurriedly getting up, her dress swaying around her in elegant drips of fabric as she makes her way to receive her well-deserved award.

"Thank you!" Scarlett smiles from her place up on the stage, the award clutched tightly in her hands as she speaks into the microphone. "I honestly never believed I would win tonight, I had some amazing competition," she gestures at the other nominees and the crowd applauds once more. "I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who worked on this movie with me, you've made it such an incredible experience, and thank you to my family and my friends," you blew a kiss at her from your seat as the camera moved to show you, "for loving me and inspiring me. Have a wonderful night everyone!" she grinned once more and went behind the curtain to the side of the stage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night you were once again in an after party, but this time you dragged Scarlett along - "You won an award! You've gotta celebrate somehow!"

You were sitting in a relatively secluded table with Scarlett, drinking as people came to congratulate her on her win. She kept smiling at every single one of them, thanking them like they were the only ones who said it, and you really didn't know from where she has this amount of energy. If this would have been you instead of Scarlett, you probably would have snapped at some of them already. Hell, you were close to doing it anyway. Your as-of-late bitter attitude towards the film industry plus the fact you couldn't have a conversation alone with your friend for more than one minute before getting interrupted made you grumpy. You sulked as you took another sip of your drink.

In the sea of people coming to congratulate Scarlett, there was one you actually didn't mind seeing that much. Your head snapped up when you recognized his deep voice, "You deserve it, you really do," you tuned into the conversation.

"Thanks Chris," Scarlett smiled fondly at her former costar and he returned it. "This is-" she started to introduce you before she realized, "Oh wait, you've met before, right? At that party like five or six years ago?"

You didn't know if it was the light playing tricks on you but it seemed like Chris' cheeks flushed a little. "Yeah, I remember," he smiled and extended his hand, "great to re-meet you," he said as you shook his hand. "Yeah, you too," you smiled at him, thanking god you were both good actors and sober enough for this.

"God, you two looked so engrossed in conversation that I left earlier that night," Scarlett reminisced, "You looked like you'd take a while and I didn’t wanna spoil your fun," she chuckled.

"Yeah, it was a great conversation," he smiled politely.

Chris laughing at something you said, stroking his beard as he listened to you, talking about his family, talking about sports passionately. Chris' hands on your hips, yours against his chest, his mouth on your body, your tongues battling for dominance as you push his shirt up over his head. The memories of that night hit you like a truck. It took all your willpower to push them aside and send him a tight smile back.

"See you around," he nodded at the both of you and turned away. He started walking and you and Scarlett used the few seconds to talk between you. From the corner of your eye, you saw Chris turn back to sneak a look at you. You gulped as you were listening to Scarlett talking about whatever it was. Your heart fluttered in your chest because he turned back. You remembered the night at the bar, how he didn't turn back, how he left you feeling the worst you've felt in a long time. You didn't know if it was for the better or not, but Scarlett was right; something did change.

After a few minutes you excused yourself from the table and headed to the balcony for some fresh air. The party was at a fancy penthouse, so you allowed yourself to enjoy the privilege of the cool night air as you processed your thoughts. You gripped the railing with your hands as you thought it all over - you and Chris, the advice Scarlett gave you, that night at the bar. You felt like you were drowning; engulfed by silence but certainly not peaceful, trying to see the clear picture, your next move.

The silence was broken by the sound of footsteps behind you. You didn't move, thinking it was just someone who came out here to smoke and won't bother you. But they were getting closer, sand a pair of strong, familiar arms leaned on the railing next to you.

"Gonna throw me down?" you chuckled bitterly while you raised your eyes to meet his cool blue ones.

"Now why would I do that?" he smiled.

Flashes of sentences you said that day entered your mind, taking on a new meaning from his perspective - "I can't give up on my dream job, I should have given up on us… I don't want you, go away…"

"I don’t know, I figured the way things ended when we last saw each other you wouldn't be the biggest fan of me."

"It's okay. Not a wonderful apology but I'll take it."

You huffed, "I wasn't apologizing, just saying facts." You raised your eyebrow. "But I am really sorry," you sighed, "for everything."

"As I said, it's okay," he smiled.

You both remained quite for a while, standing next to each other looking at the lights below and the stars above, each lost in your own thoughts. After a few minutes you shivered slightly, the cold getting to you and making the exposed skin on your arms fill with goosebumps. You let out a shaky breath, wrapping your hands around yourself. Chris' gaze turned to you, hurriedly taking of his suit jacket and wrapping it around you.

"No, Chris it’s fine, really, you'll get cold without it," you tried to resist, but he wouldn't have it. His hands kept the jacket tight around you, and you could feel the warmth of his palms even through the material. The jacket was warm and smelled like Chris, but you knew it was nothing but a pale imitation.

Chris' look was stern. "Fine," you surrendered, adjusting the jacket around your shoulders.

"So, how've you been?" you asked after a couple of seconds.

"In general? Good I guess. In regards to you? Broody."

You let out a chuckle. "I appreciate the honesty. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't exactly been a ray of sunshine either."

"Damn. The universe really did a number on us didn't it?" Chris smiled sadly, looking up at the moon.

"You believe in the power of the universe? Like, the power it has over us?" You ignored half of his statement.

"Well, I think however you look at it the universe has some form of power over humanity. We're like a pebble in its shoe." He raised his eyebrows at you.

"That annoying, huh? I feel like you may be overestimating the human race here."

He let out a small laugh. "Yeah, maybe. But no matter if you're looking at it from a religious, superstitious or scientific standpoint, the universe is factually enormous, way bigger than us, therefore has more effect on, well, everything."

"Yeah, I get your point. I was asking more about the preordained and stuff," you remarked.

"I don't really know where I stand on in that matter," Chris answered. A small silence followed before you answered.

"Well, to offer my two cents on it – we get dealt certain cards, whether it be by chance, God, our star chart or the freaking, I don't know, Flying Spaghetti Monster," you both chuckled, "so there are things that are beyond our understanding and our control. But we have choices, plenty of them."

"Sometimes it doesn’t feel like that," Chris sighed.

"Not all the choices are good ones."

You both got lost in your thoughts once more, the silence settling between you. You thought about how you couldn't make him have that choice. What if it doesn't work out and you just lost a lot of support for nothing? What if he doesn’t want you anymore? Maybe that's what changed.

"I love that about us," Chris sarcastically broke the silence. You sent him a quizzical look and he continued. "How we can talk about the meaning of the universe before we'd talk about what's actually bothering us."

"Well, it is a very interesting conversation," you smiled sadly.

He sighed, his eyes closing, making his eyelashes flutter across his cheeks. "I can't stop thinking about it. Us." He looked up at you, making your breath hitch. "I just… whatever this is, it's gonna hunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t explore it the furthest I can."

"Curiosity killed the cat," you replied.

"But satisfaction brought it back," Chris quipped back. "Don't you feel the same way I do? Because if you don't, I'll leave it. We can never talk again if that's what you want. But I don't think you do."

"You don't know what I want," you replied softly, feeling the cracks in your heart pry open again.

"You’re right, I don't. But I know what I want. I want to take you out to dinner. I want to kiss you again, without feeling like I'm hurting you. I want to know you, no hesitation or forced boundaries. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. For years I've convinced myself it's wrong, that we would never work out. But it doesn't work out with anyone else either. If you'll have me, I don’t care what happens. I'm willing to take that risk. I'm willing to regret you for the rest of my life." His eyes bore into yours and your breath caught at the intensity of the moment, the raw emotion in his voice sending shivers down your spine.

"Chris, I…" you swallowed and licked your lips. "I couldn't stop thinking about you, about us, for a really long time now. And I don't think I would ever forgive myself if I continued to push you away." You stepped into his space, face moving up to meet his gaze. "I want this. Maybe even more than anything I've ever wanted. So screw them," you gestured to the roomful of people behind the balcony door, "because I'm tired of holding back."

"Then don't," Chris whispered softly. Your hands went up to cup his face as you brought your lips together. At first it was tentative, a touch of warm lips in the cold night air. Then his tongue was entering your mouth, kissing you like your mouth was air and he was a man drowning, the desperation evident in the way he was devouring you. He pulled you against him, his warmth enveloping you as one hand went to the small of your back and the other to cup the back of your head. You wrapped your hands around his neck, kissing him with passion only he could awaken. Your heart fluttered in your chest, you felt free.

You pulled away to breath, looking into his eyes. And it finally clicked; the answer you were looking for right there in front of you. Being in Chris' arms again felt like coming home. Your heart finally felt healed. How could you have thought you were able to let this man go? The pure truth ringed in your brain – I love him. And you couldn't say it yet, because it would sound ridiculous. But something in you knew. Instead you opted for something more casual.

"Let's get outta here," you said and pecked his lips.

"Oh no, we're doing this right." He reached into the inner pocket of his jacket, which was still on you, and took out his phone. "Here, gimmie your number," he murmured against your cheek and pulled away, extending his phone to you. You typed in your number, an amused smile on your face, and returned the phone to him.

"So?" you asked.

"So, we get back in, which by the way, it's a miracle no one has seen us yet."

You giggled at that, "Guess the universe is on our side after all?"

"Maybe," Chris smiled. "Anyway, we get back inside, and tomorrow I'm gonna call you and then take you on an actual date. How does that sound?"

"Sounds perfect," you grinned and pecked his cheek. "Here, take your jacket back," you handed it to him. He took it back and put it on, taking your hand and squeezing it once before going back inside. You stayed outside for a couple of seconds, making sure you look respectable before following him back inside.

Later that night you were already home, drying off your hair from your shower when you heard your phone buzz with a text. It was an unknown number.

"See you tomorrow, goodnight

-CE"

You smiled and saved his number before texting him goodnight back.

That night you fell asleep with a smile on your face. No matter what happens next, you'll have him by your side, and that's more than enough.

Taglist: @swatson06 @horny-nd-bored @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds @phoebe-21-99 @wintersoldierslut @iceebabies @wanessalopesueiros @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree @kaitcordx25 @bequeening @steve-barry-damon-logan @itscrazycherryblossomcollection @hollandxmarvel @darkwitchfromthesouth

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all-the-love-harold · 6 years

Text

The Daily Anna- Chapter 15

Chapter 14

Annagram #8

Masterpost

This is the final chapter (besides the epilouge)! Get your tissues ready because it will make you teary. @lovesmelikebrandnewstarlight has been the most amazing beta throughout this whole series and I honestly can’t thank her enough for everything, because without her, I probably would have given up after chapter 4 or 5, so thanks Hannah for everything xxx

Human life is fragile, it only takes the tiniest disruption to end it. In Anna’s case, her kidney failure became so bad that her own blood turned toxic and stopped her heart. By the time she made it to the hospital there was nothing that could be done to save her, her body failed her and at 3:23am on October 11th exactly six months after she met the love of her life, she died. Like most who pass away so young, she left a trail of broken hearts, but unlike most, her story left millions hanging in the balances. Before she passed, Anna hadn’t posted on her blog for a few days and her followers, who knew she was sick, were starting to worry, and Harry who was hurting more than anyone else was the one trusted with the task of delivering the news to the world, so through tears and gritted teeth he began to write.

Harry Here…..,

I don’t know how to start this, writing like this has never been my strong point, but Anna trusted me with this and it might just be the hardest thing that I’ll ever do.

This morning, at 3:23 am Anna passed away. Her last few hours were peaceful, and filled with all the love that she deserves.

Anna was a shining light in this world, a true angel that was taken too soon. My time with her was short, but I loved her with everything that I had and I will continue to love her until we meet again. Anna changed my life in so many ways, but it was her heart that made me fall for her. She was one of the most compassionate and kind people I have ever met, and I will never forget that.

This blog, and everyone of you, meant the world to Anna, and in a weird way I am honoured to be the one to be writing this post.

I’m lost for words right now, so I will leave you with the words Anna said to me just a few days ago.

“Life is short, don’t waste your time dwelling on the past”

I will spend the rest of my life taking this advice and I will forever hold Anna in my heart, as I hope you all will.

All the love, and my deepest sympathies, H. xx.

****

Anna’s unpacked suitcase sat in the corner of Harry’s childhood bedroom. Untouched for days, because Harry was too hurt to even think about looking at her things. After Anna died, they all packed up their cars and went straight back to cheshire so that the world could stop for a little while and they could wrap their heads around it all.

This morning, as he stood staring at the dull black suit he was supposed to dress himself in to go to her funeral he noticed a cloth bag that he’d never seen before. It was black and covered in red and yellow dots in the shape of the Aboriginal flag, so Harry guessed that she’d bought it before things went downhill in Australia. There was a tag hanging off the zipper that read “To those I love with all my heart.” He opened it to reveal 5 envelopes, the first with his name on it.

“Gemma” he shouted knowing that she was getting ready in the room next door. “Gemma come here”

He stood frozen staring into the bag until Gemma walked softly into the room. “What’s up H?, you’re not dressed yet”

He handed her the bag without saying a word. She looked inside and the same expression appeared on her face. Had Anna really left them letters and were they ready to read them?

“Where did you find this H?”

“Her bag, noticed it this morning, but it must have been there for days”

“Should we read them?” Gemma asked, pulling out the letter addressed to Anne and herself.

Harry turned his letter over in his hand, as of he was about to open it, but stopped himself.

“Maybe we should wait” he said “Until after”

Gemma took the letter from him and nodded “get dressed then, we need to leave soon”

She left the room with the letters in her hand and Harry stood there frozen again, his suit looking less and less appealing the more he thought about what that letter might say. He never really got to say goodbye to her, the last thing he’d heard her say was “I can think of a lot of great things that have happened to you Styles” and he cherished that entire conversation they had, but that letter could say so much more, and he needed to know. He threw the suit on haphazardly, forgetting about the tie, and burst out of his room in search of Gemma and the bag.

“I need to know” he said as soon as he found her standing in the bathroom doing her makeup “I need to know what she wrote”

“Let’s give them to everyone first H, then you can read it” She pressed her lips together after putting the final coat of lipstick on and turned around, picking up the bag that was next to her. Anne was waiting in the living room for them to be ready. She hated funerals. And She hated even more that this was a funeral for someone her son held so dearly.

“There’s letters” Harry said, as he stepped down the stairs.

“What?” Anne said, surprised by his sudden excitement

“Anna left letters for us” he said

Her jaw dropped and her face went pale. It wasn't that she didn’t want to read what Anna had to say, she just didn’t know if today was the day for it, or if she could handle it right before the funeral.

“Harry we need to go,” she said “the letters can wait”

And so they did. The funeral was everything you would imagine the funeral of twenty four year old woman with the whole world at her feet would be, desperately sad and horribly beautiful. It was in the same church that 10 years before Anna’s family laid Timmy to rest, which made the whole thing all the more devastating. The service was beautiful though, there wasn’t a dry eye the house when Gabby read her eulogy where she called Anna “her hero, her rock and her best friend”

Harry, Ronnie and John carried the coffin out and that’s when harry broke down. He didn’t care who was watching, he just said goodbye to the love of his life, and as they laid the coffin in the back of the hearse, Ronnie embraced Harry in a hug. A hug that lasted for what felt like a lifetime, filled with tears and sobs for the loss of their great love.

As for the letters, Harry handed them out at the wake and they all read them when they needed it most. Harry couldn’t wait, he slipped outside while everyone else was preoccupied and sat down under a tree with a glass of whiskey and opened it.

“Harry,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve had to leave you so soon, I never wanted that, I wanted everything with you, I’m sorry that we never got that life together.

I want you to know how happy you made me. Those last few months of my life were the happiest I’d ever had and that was all down to you. You showed me the world and everything that’s good and I can’t thank you enough for that.

But promise me this Harry Styles; love again. You showed me what love is, and my life ended with the love of my life by my side, but you have an entire life ahead of you, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy. So love again, let yourself feel the same way you did the first time you saw me and build a life with someone else, someone who will love you just as much as I do.

Life is cruel, and I wish I had more time to spend with you. I love you Styles. Don’t ever forget that.

Anna. xx.”

***

Anne and Gemma were the next to open their letter, they waited until Harry went back to London a few days after the funeral because they knew that while he was home he needed them to be strong and they weren’t sure they could be after reading it. It was addressed to the both of them and Gemma read it outloud as they sat in Anne’s living room, the golden autumn sun beaming through the window.

Anne and Gemma,

I want to thank both of you for making Harry the man that he is and I want to thank you for accepting me into your lives so easily. From the second I met both of you I felt warm and welcome and free to love Harry as I wanted to and I will always be grateful for that.

Take care of him, I know you already do, but his heart is soft and this will break him. I am so sorry to love and leave him so soon, I wish I had more time with him. With all of you really. But know that being a part of your lives for the last six months has made all of this easier. So thank you.

I’ll always be close by.

Anna. xx.

***

It took Debbie and John weeks to read their letter and it John who finally did broke the silence on the topic one morning as they sat eating breakfast.

“We should open that today” he said “It would be nice to know what my Anna had to say”

Debbie was numb, but she agreed, taking the envelope and opening it with her pointer. Tears filled her eyes as she read the first few lines out loud, but eventually her voice trailed off and she handed it to John once she was done but she couldn’t stay to watch him read it, she left the room, desperate sobs escaping her mouth as she walked away.

Mum and Dad.

I’m sorry you have to lose another child. I’m sorry to leave you, but I know you’ll be okay. I know how strong you both are. You kept our family together after Timmy died and I know you’ll do the same after this.

Mum, I have always been proud to be your daughter and I always dreamed of mothering my children the same way you mothered us. I’m sorry that I'll never give you grandchildren, but I hope that what I did in my short life was enough to make you as proud of me as I am of you. I want to thank you for being my biggest supporter, for doing everything you could to allow me to follow my dreams. And if it helps you find closure, before I died, I was happy and loved and that’s all I ever really dreamed of.

Dad, thank you for showing me what a good man looks like. Thank you for setting an example for the kind of love I deserve, and thank you for being the first man that I loved. You were always the person I trusted most when something went wrong, and I couldn’t tell you how many times I wished for one of your warm hugs when I first moved out. Make sure you give Gabby one of those now. She’ll need it more than anything.

There’s so much more I could say to both of you, but I think it’s best if I leave it at this. I love you. Thank you for being the best parents you could, thank you for loving me with everything that you have.

Anna. xx.

***

Gabby read her letter one day when she was feeling particularly lonely in her Uni Halls. The cooler weather had truly set in and she was wrapped in a blanket, staring out the window at the gloomy sky. It was a day when she felt like she had lost everything and Anna’s handwriting on the front of the envelope was a comfort to her, it made her feel a little closer to the sister she loved so dearly.

Gabby,

I don’t have the words to express how sorry I am for dying on you. You’ve been through too much already and my only hope is that you show the same strength and resilience that you did when Timmy left us.

I’ve always admired your strength, never have I ever seen you break, you showed the bravery that I should have shown you as your older sister.

I have one last piece of advice to offer you; love. Let yourself fall because I promise you when you find the right person, it will be the greatest thing you ever do. Don’t wait and watch your life pass you by, live everyday as it comes and don’t stop yourself from feeling. Your strength is one thing I always loved you for, but sometimes I think it is your greatest flaw.

I love you Gabby. We’ll meet again somewhere.

Anna. xx.

***

Ronnie was the last to open his letter. It was a whole year after Anna’s death that he finally gained the strength to know what she had to say to him. He’d clung so desperately to the Anna that he’d created in his head that he didn’t want anything to ruin that. But one October day in 2019, after he’d been on a date with a girl that he actually really liked, he opened the letter and felt as if he was talking to his best friend again.

“Ronnie,

My best friend, my rock, my hero. I can’t thank you enough for everything you ever did for me, you made me the woman I was.

Writing this in past tense seems strange but I think it might be easier for you to read it this way.

I’m sorry that things between us were rocky after Harry and I met, I know you were just protecting yourself. I never meant to hurt you, but meeting him was the best thing that happened to me and I had to go on that adventure. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t love you like you loved me.

I know it wouldn’t have been easy to put everything that happened with us behind you once Harry appeared, I don’t know that I would have been able to if I was you. So thank you for being the bigger person, and coming on the trip with us, I am honoured to have been able to spend the last few weeks of my life with my best friend on the trip that we always talked about taking.

I want you to know that you were always my favourite person, even after everything went to shit, you were the one I wanted to tell everything to and the one that I trusted the most.

I wish you every happiness that life will offer you Ronnie, take every chance that you get and the next time I see you, I want to hear all about your adventures. Let yourself love, Ron and life will bring you great things.

Anna. xx.

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