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If Patches does not appear in Elden Ring in some way, shape, or form, we riot.

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RDR2 RANT (does in fact contain spoilers)

Now don’t you dare think I didn’t enjoy this game because you bet your ass I did. The scenery was ducking fantastic, the world, the characters, the way it really made me appreciate romanticized, cartoonish depictions of the early days of a “civil” America. And therefore I have a lot of thoughts about it that I’d like to air out.

The boring chapters. We gotta talk about he boring chapters. So first off, Guarma, Guarma is hell on earth. The thought of washing up on a beach somewhere, on the brink of death after having lost all your money and the only chance to get away should be an interesting thing to explore, but it’s not.

Firstly I wanna point out what I saw as good within this chapter and that is the fact that there is nowhere to run. Dutch is always talking about Tahiti, mangoes and dancing girls, but in the end there is no way he can “fight his own nature”. Wherever he is, wherever he goes, he can’t stop what he’s doing. He can’t seem to think that maybe this is as good as it’s gonna get. So even when In a new country, a new place, he can’t escape the slimy bastard he is deep down. And in this chapter you also see him not being able to keep up the facade. Ive said it before and I’ll say it again, Dutch is the best antagonist there is.

NOW. What’s bad about it. ITS SO REPETITIVE AND BORING. I think at some point Rdr2 started following just one single formula. You meet up with a character for A) a rescue of another character B) “To make some noise” C) Get introduced to another character you’ll forget about in a bit.

Now I may be a little unfair because how else will you really drive a narrative forward? LIKE YOU DID IN THE FIRST PART OF THE GAME. You were shown the world you’d come to know, you deepened your bond with characters that had been with you from the beginning. At a certain point I didn’t really know the gang was falling apart that badly because there was so much focus on other shit all the time. Maybe I’m not good at reading between the lines idk.

Now secondly, the chapter with Eagle Flies, Rains Fall and their boys. I will defend this chapter until the end because it 1) Illustrates an important part of American history. 2) shows how Dutch realized how easily the Native Americans could bend to his will. Dutch is someone who lives outside the law, someone who disagrees with it, someone with an idea of America should be, a great speaker with charisma for days and someone who is used to standing up to the masses. He’s the one desperate people go to and he knows it.

BUT, they should have had it play a consistent part in the story. Have these characters be introduced a little earlier, had some side missions with them and then had them be a bigger focus. I cared for Rains Fall, especially when I met him in the epilogue just a broken man. It hurt to see this wise grandpa figure fade away.

And as were on the topic of fading away, let’s talk about all the members deaths! In the beginning of the story I really liked Sean, he was so fun, witty, a bit annoying, but so lovable. He was just a kid, someone who wanted to be in on the action. Kind of an asshole, but he’s Irish so it’s okay. And when he died you bet your ass my heart dropped. The set up is absolutely perfect.

You’re walking through town, it’s quiet, too quiet, the cutscene starts after Arthur mutters “this doesn’t feel right” and Sean, in all his wit, plans a comeback, but BAM his head is gone all the sudden. Micah reacts with no emotion, just a gunshot back illustrating his coldness and how he’s so used to this. “Look at him of course he’s dead!” Arthur yells. You as the player is now experiencing the same shock Arthur is. It’s a total connection between player and character. That’s at least how I saw it as a Sean Stan.

LENNNEEEEEEEEY. Lennys death was... something. I hated how it happened right after Hosea. I wasn’t over it and you’re just gonna kill of Lenney, MY Yennel?! Don’t think so. It was so quick, and so glossed over. No one really mentions it. Like Sean, he was just a kid and he was robbed of his life so early.

Molly and Grimshaws deaths didn’t hurt, but they felt almost sickening. How can someone shoot a founding member of the gang just like that? Grimshaw was one of the first, she was the backbone of the entire operation. She was the moment and in one gunshot and no opposition she’s just gone. As well as Molly, but she broke the rules right? NO SHE DIDNT! IT WAS MICAH! MICAH WAS THE RAT! And he just watched her get killed with to emotion whatsoever. Fuck Micah.

Arthur’s death. I just felt guilty. He was going to die either way, but I was the reason he died by a gunshot to the head, cold, bloody on the side of a cliff. I’ve seen the alternative ending and it’s apparently exactly what he’d want. I wish I’d given him that, but shooting strangers and robbing us too much fun. Sucks to be you, Arthur.

The epilogue. It’s fine. That’s it.

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MY UNNECESSARILY LONG SK8 THE INFINITY REVIEW

I think I finished the show about a month ago so it’s not all that fresh in my mind but I’ve been thinking about it a lot so yeah here you go.

First of all, this show really forces you to accept the truth that attempted homicide and skating go hand in hand. If you wanna clap your opponents face in with your board then you’re within your rights to do so and it’s a beautiful mess. Especially when you take into account that the “good guys” don’t resort to such techniques, but still end up kicking the shit out of Dio on Wheels™ (fun fact: they share the same voice actor)

I’d also like to say I did in fact watch this on one of those free websites and “Melissa, five miles away” kept hitting on me and it made me feel uncomfortable. But it’s honestly quite charming to have to avoid the pop up ads and scour the internet for the show every time a new episode drops.

ON TO THE ACTUAL STUFF. This show was fun. It made me wanna start skateboarding although it’s obvious its not realistic at all and there’s no underground skateboarding tournaments happening in abandoned construction sites... right?

The characters are all fun. I hated Joe up until recently and I can’t tell you why. I think it’s a combination of there always being abs in my face and the green hair. But I’ve come to love him after the English dub dropped and he just comes off more as a lovable dumbass. The constant quarreling with that pink haired bitch was lovable. I thought it was gonna be an enemies to lovers kinda thing, but I wasn’t disappointed with how their arc ended.

LANGA, LANGA MY BOY. The best part of this show. The Canadian, the myth, the legend. There’s something awfully endearing about his story. Loosing his dad and with that his passion for snowboarding, then finding a new mentor, Reki, and in that a best friend that awakens that passion within him again. And there’s something symbolic about it being snowboarding to skateboarding that I can’t explain.

A*am. *menacing music plays* Let’s talk about A*am. This bitch. I hated him so much up until the last episode. As I’ve said before, Dio on Wheels, if you removed everything that’s good and cool about Dio. His god damn outfits, his dramatic entrances, his backstory, his stupid fucking moves. I had to physically stop myself from cringing every time he came on screen with his horny shenanigans. But with the last episode and also the ending credits I changed my mind.

Yes, the entity of A*am is purely an act put on by a broken man, but it’s still him. In the ending credits where you see the bitch jump out of a helicopter with a bouquet of roses for Langa it just shows that this is who he is and it’s fucking chaotic. I didn’t see the need for his backstory because quite frankly, I don’t give a shit. What would have been ten times more fun is if he was just a normal business man going about his life, but at night decides to put on this horny, gothic facade and just fuck with people. A villain that’s just like “it ain’t that serious”, but then again how can you justify the attempted murder of Cherry and the actual murder of... someone. Wait wtf was that. Didn’t A*am kill someone??? Did we just gloss over that fact??? Now that’s a bigger plot hole than those weird ass mud creatures in Cali or wherever that was supposed to be. Imma need a spin off explaining that cuz wtf, my guy.

Anyways. There’s a cute detail someone pointed out on Tik Tok and it’s that A*amd eyes were pink as a child, signifying purity and something sweet, but red as an adult, meaning wrath and passion. But then when that guy... uh, I don’t remember his name. Childhood friend of his returns and “becomes his dog” (don’t ask me, I don’t know wtf that was supposed to mean) and when Langa beats him and A*am suddenly regains his passion for skating his eyes then pink again. So. That’s a cute detail.

Miya. Miya is an example of child exploitation and a gifted kid that later becomes a burn out because of evil adults that decide to profit off of a child’s talents and in turn exposes them to the realities of both celebrity and capitalism too early leaving them sad, alone and grown past their age.

I love this shows focus on personal relationships. Langa and his dad, Langa and his mom, Langa and Reki, Langa and the gang. Can you tell I really like Langa? Anyways so!

I can’t be the only one who thought this shit was gonna turn into a romance. Because of one scene where Langa is sitting with his mom (which btw, total milf, total sweetheart, she’s the best, please make her the MC in a potential second season) and he talks about how he broke a promise. Langas mom asks him if this is someone he likes and he gets awkward and says yes Langas mom thinks he’s talking about a girl he likes and says he needs to express his emotions “if he really cares about her” or something. And then it gets all awkward and Langa says “her?” As to imply he likes a guy, meaning Reki. So I took this as wow, he likes Reki, how sweet, skating and romance woo.

But no, that’s not what happened. So, idk if that’s just me wanting every show I watch turn into a romance or if that’s a case of queerbaiting, but honestly, I don’t care. Their relationship is adorable. The entire main cast has a found family moment and I ducking love it. Stan Langa for clear skin and I’ll go eat now.

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Now I believe aot is close to perfect except all the over-explaining that anime tends to do, HOWEVER, the hair logic is unforgivable.

This is how Hanji usually wears their hair right? Looks like they have very long hair from the look of that big ass ponytail, BUT

This is actually their hair down and it’s short! They have about the same length of hair that I have and I can assure you my hair doesn’t fit into that big of a ponytail.

Now my next critique in hair goes to Annie. It’s shown that she has quite short hair in the earlier seasons from that one scene of her waking up in the military police place. I can’t find an exact photo of it and I don’t wanna go back and mess up my brothers queue so I’ll illustrate it with her titan form

Like that’s about the length she has. As we’ve seen before some people’s titans forms get their hair too. Like with Reiner, Frida and here; Annie. So again, she has the same length I have, but I can assure you my hair doesn’t fit into this kind of bun.

And if we talk about the fact that titan forms get your hair we need to talk about erens titan.

This is eren with his basic ass hairstyle, luckily he diversified in later seasons, thank god.

An then his titan form which has hella hair.

Now idk if I’m just missing something but yeah. In the case of berototlodotodoolroodolt and rod it seems their titans arent meant to have hair. Berororoorrltlsltld (and later armin) because his titan has no skin and Rod because it’s literally just a blob. And then ofc the monke man but it’s supposed to be a monke so. Yeah. Enjoy my critique. Ps: I have not seen season 4

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I KEEP THINKING THE DARK GRAY MARKER IS THE BLACK MARKER

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I swear on Mitksi that I won’t duck up my close to perfect sleeping schedule

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I just want to remind everyone that my birthday is 14th of July in case idk you ever wanna buy me a gift

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Pakunoda my beloved and yes I’m aware I wrote my name wrong

Also idk how to do hands or guns ok thank🖤🤍🖤

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my god im so lonely so i open the window to hear sounds of people  venus planet of love was destroyed by global warming did its people want to much too and i dont want your pity i just want somebody near me guess im a coward i just want to feel alright and i know no one can save me i just need someone to kiss give me one good honest kiss and ill be alright nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody

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why i should have been a frog

number one

no responsability except staying alive, ive stayed alive for almost 17 years as a human which means ive avoided traffic accidents, murder, choking on mechanical pencils and disease. i think that has earned me the title of survival expert. staying alive as a frog would be no trouble.

number two

sit on leaves all day and look at the lake. there is no much beauty in nature that i cant enjoy because i am constantly clouded by my human instinct of fear, worry or making sure im useful in the capitalistic hell hole our ancestors left us with. if i was a barely sentient being that sat around and looked at the day pass and measured my content with life off of my lack of foes id be much happier.

number three

i hear flies are pretty tasty.

number four

id be green and cute. im neither green nor cute atm so it would be a massive step up.

number five

lesbians would love me.

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mitski my beloved 

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SHUT UP ALREADY

Can we stop with the god damn cringe culture or whatver its called. im so mad that were actively trying to stop ourselves from liking or enjoying things cuz its cringe, if i wanna play episode and pay real money to see my character get laid or watch aot pov: levi falls in love with you then im gonna do that and i dont wanna feel bad about it. so fucking mad that we postpone pleasure because of what other people think its so annoying. and its so installed in  us too, i have bad thoughts about others cuz they act “cringe” or whatever and i shouldnt, but its so automatic at this point. point is: dont postpone pleasure, dont make fun of other for being their harmless selves and dont hate yourself for liking awkward shit. k bye.

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Edited by me because I’m awesome

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I’m not a furry

but

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How the hell do you create suspense in a story. I mean you have to start off with a promise to the reader right? If you’re reading a romance story you go in with the promise that, yes, you will see these two very attractive characters fornicate.

I presume a good title or a good starting page begins like that. An introduction to what the author will put on the table for you to see develop. But then you also need to break the expectation while still having them engaged.

So the twist can’t be too much, it must build respectively on the original concept. Like you can’t start off with romance and then go all Lovecraft on their ass.

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