#he could be a dick but every now and then. pure comedy from that kid

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

why is the mrs stubel post going around again Who found it

[yoonpobs]

who's the boss | jhs

pairing: jung hoseok x oc

genre: fluff, slight enemies to lovers, boss!hobi, pa!oc

warnings: like one moment of suggestive content, confessing but no real confessions, jimin is your annoying best friend

words: 4, 663

summary: valentine's day with your stupid (hot) boss

“You look miserable.”

Jimin snickers when he walks past your slouched body across your desk, ensuring that you saw the mocking look he gives you when you glare at him.

“Please tell our boss that.” You mutter under your breath, attempting to avoid the mountains of work that sat in front of you.

“You’re his assistant—you out of all people should know that he’s a force to be reckoned with.” Jimin points out, slamming a new pile of folders on your desk.

You gape at him, observing the unforgiving amount of work that now occupies both your desk and time; and Jimin only offers you a half-hearted shrug before patting you on the shoulder.

“Mr Jung wants it by tonight,” Jimin lets you know as he begins to walk off.

The deadline has you snapping your head rapidly to his retreating figure as you quickly stand up to call for him.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” You exasperate, “Jimin—there’s no way I can get this done by tonight let alone this week!”

Jimin doesn’t even turn around when he shrugs, as if to tell you that it was your problem to deal with.

You growl, helplessly staring at the work that scatters your desk before your eyes narrow to the office next to yours, doors shut tight.

Before you can think twice, blinded by pure anger, you storm towards the secluded room; ignoring the stares from your co-workers, and a few sighs that you can tell is coming from Jungkook knowing that you were going to piss your boss off yet again.

You don’t knock, long past that level of formality with your boss as you slam the door open, eyes narrowed intimidatingly at the unsuspecting victim of your rage, who just looks up from his laptop with a raised brow.

“____, are you already done with—”

“Jung Hoseok.” You hiss, interrupting him as you shut the door behind you, rolling up your sleeves as if that would intimidate the man; fully aware that he towered over you, even in heels.

He slowly brings his laptop to a semi-closed position and leans back into his seat, arms carefully folded across his chest in a way that makes him look intimidating yet commanding.

It was a pity that your boss was such a douche because he was truly one of the most beautiful men that you’ve had the pleasure (or displeasure) of meeting in your entire life. Hoseok had the charm of a man that held himself with confidence and assurance, knowing that he was likely the hotshot of every room he walked into.

However, that also meant that he had a justifiable inflated ego that you were on the receiving end off, purely because you were hired as his personal assistant and not some other poor soul.

“That is my name, yes.”

You stomp towards his desk and slam your hands down onto the expensive wood, making sure your eyes are locked onto his stoic expression.

Momentarily, you see his eyes glance down to your chest where a decent amount of cleavage is likely being displayed to your boss, but it goes as quickly as it comes when he returns his gaze onto your blazing one.

“Are you fucking crazy?” You snap.

He blinks at you, hands clutched together as he leans forward on his elbows, face getting impossibly closer to your own that you have half the mind to put some distance between the two of you to preserve the beating of your heart.

“Is that any way to speak to your boss?” He cocks his head to a side, a teasing smirk dawning on his face.

“Cut the shit,” You hiss, “In what goddamn universe did you think it was justifiable for you to give me a month’s worth of work and expect it to be done by tonight?!”

He sighs, leaning back into his chair and man spreads in a way that you usually would hate, but of course, Hoseok made it look undeniably hot, and inviting.

“Didn’t I hire you because of your work ethic?”

You scoff in disbelief, arms folding across your chest.

“This is not about work ethic, and you know it. You have some secret vendetta against me and I see through your shit.” You accuse.

“Do I, Ms ____?” He says in a voice so low that it makes you stutter in your response.

“You tell me, Mr Jung.” You retort.

He observes your expression for a moment, taking in the way that you were breathing heavily and how your cheeks were a little flushed from your rant. Hoseok smirks at you because even though you were a lot to deal with, and had a tongue sharper than anyone he’s known, you were adorable.

Just like a kitten that was waiting to be tamed.

“Very well then,” He claps his hands together and opens his laptop again.

You raise an eyebrow, waiting for his next set of words. You recognise the slight gleam in your eyes and that causes an unsettling feeling to develop in your stomach.

“Work overtime.” He says simply as if it was the most obvious solution.

You gape at him, baffled at his blunt suggestion.

“What? That’s your solution? To work overtime?” You snap.

“I don’t see a better option knocking at our door’s here.” He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

You grit your jaw and feel your eye twitch at his indifference, and you think about risking getting reported to HR, or even getting fired just so you could reach over and strangle the hell out of your insufferable boss.

“Give me an extension.” You all but demand.

“No.”

You’re about to leave with your dues until he answers you, and you snap your head to look at him incredulously.

“What do you mean no?” You hiss.

“It’s exactly what it means, Ms ____. I want the documents sorted through and filed by tonight. Even I’m working overtime and I’m the boss.” He smirks, eyes still not straying away from his laptop.

“Hoseok you don’t understand. I can’t.” His name slips out involuntarily, and you almost miss the way a smile teases his lips when you opt for his actual name than the nicknames you’ve resorted to.

“Oh? Did you have plans tonight?” He pries, eyes twinkling with mischief.

He knew. He knew what today was and gave you a shit ton of work.

You clench your jaw and give him a curt nod.

“Yes. I do.”

He hums under his breath, glancing down to type something onto his laptop before shutting it completely.

“Well—cancel them. You have plans with me now.” He says.

You choke on your spit at his calm declaration as you splutter to find a response.

“I can’t just cancel a date—!”

You snap your mouth shut when his eyebrows shoot to his hairline in a mischievous manner as if seeing you flustered was his favourite sight to behold.

“As your boss, I think I call the shots here, don’t I?” He pushes himself off his chair to walk towards you, height and presence imposing on your retreating figure.

“You’re such a fucking asshole.” You spit when he engulfs your space with his presence.

The navy grey suit he chose to wear today flattered his physique wonderfully, showcasing his lean and long limbs as well as his built. It didn’t help that he styled his hair with it parted by the side, his forehead on full display—as if to mark his territory as the most intimidating (and handsome) person at the office.

“Call me what you wish,” He shrugs, a smirk on his face, “We’ll have a lot of fun tonight, won’t we?”

You’d be lying if you didn’t have butterflies in your stomach.

.

“Mina—tell the blind date you set me up on that I can’t make it tonight,” You sigh, phone between your shoulder and your ear as you type away at your computer.

You hear Mina whine on the other end about how she thought the guy she set you up with was a perfect match for you. Truthfully, you didn’t even want to go on the date in the first place; but Mina said that you needed to get over the hots you felt for your boss even if he was the most infuriating person in every room he’s in.

“You’re not lying to get out of this, right? Do you really need to work overtime?” She whines.

You sigh.

“Do you remember who I work for? Of course I need to work overtime.” You mutter.

“How am I going to tell Jae?” She complains, and you briefly hear a thud on her end; probably signalling the fact that she flopped onto a surface in despair.

You snort and narrow your eyes to get a better view of the details on your spreadsheet, ensuring all facts and figures were aligned before saving it and proceeding to the next set of work you needed to finish.

“You’ll find a way,” You tell her, “I need to go. I have ten more documents to sort through and they’re all due tonight.”

Mina blows a virtual kiss for you and bids you goodbye, saying to kick your boss in the ass for her.

The moment you hang up, you see Jimin and Jungkook walk pass your desk with their bags over their shoulders, stopping by you to offer a sympathetic smile.

“Have fun working overtime ____,” Jungkook says, and it’s sincere enough to make you give him a half-hearted smile.

“Work on sucking your boss’ dick too.” Jimin snickers, mimicking the action inside of his cheek as you glare at him, chuckling a piece of crumpled paper in his direction.

“Jungkook—tell Taehyung I said hi,” You smile sweetly at him, then narrowing your eyes into slits at Jimin, “Jimin, I hope you puke out all the chocolates you’re going to binge on tonight.”

He gasps, hands resting on his chest in mock offence as he waves you goodbye, heading out as you return the gesture with your longest finger.

There the last bit of your co-workers that left the office, and now it was just you—and Hoseok—but he was cooped up in his office, for whatever reason it may be.

You sigh, cracking your knuckles forward as you attempt to race through all the documents that needed to be sorted through as fast as you can so you could go home and binge-watch all the romantic comedies in your watchlist.

The quote time flies sits prettily on the tip of your tongue when you glance at the clock on your table to tell you that it was half an hour till midnight, meaning that you slaved away to work for an additional 6 hours.

You huff, at least thankful that you were finally done.

Even with Hoseok’s words saying that he’d work overtime as well, you were sure he was just in his office relaxing while you did his hefty work. The thought makes you frown as you clean up your workspace, ensuring that it’s in a pristine condition before you head back.

“_____?”

Hoseok’s voice peeks out from his office and you stop your ministrations to turn your head to look at him, a few stray strands of hair falling by the side of your face as you do so.

Hoseok can’t help but appreciate how relaxed you look, a juxtaposition from the usual prim and proper persona you took on during work. Your hair was tied in a messy bun, and a few buttons of your blouse were undone to give yourself some room to breathe.

“Yes?” You raise an eyebrow, beginning to get irritated with the way his eyes unabashedly observe you.

You have the words on your tongue already, preparing to cuss him out with your mouth and your fist if he gave you any more work to do.

“Have you eaten yet?” He asks.

You raise an eyebrow, watching his figure lean against the frame of the door.

“No, I haven’t. I was too busy finishing up the documents for you, remember?” You bite, can’t be helping the snark that your tongue releases.

A small twinge of a grin appears on his face as he cocks his head to his office, gesturing you to enter.

“I have some food. Do, join me.” He asks.

You blink at him, hands still clutching the last bit of your belongings as you mull over his proposition. While you and Hoseok worked close and hand in hand in business operations, you managed to have professional boundaries with him (which didn’t include the fact you cussed him out every five minutes). So, for him, the poster image of uptight and professionalism; with the occasional blunder, to invite you for a small meal outside of business?

You try to ignore the way your heart beats a little faster.

“Ah … it’s fine—I’ll probably heat some leftovers up—” You shake your head to deny.

But as you were caught up in a daze, Hoseok had seemed to have made his way to your desk, body positioned in a way that locks you in so that you had no other way to escape.

“Nonsense.” He tuts, grinning at you with his award-winning smile and you find it very hard to find him distasteful when he has the ability to reduce you to mush.

You notice that he mirrors your appearance in the sense that he looks far more casual than he usually does during work hours. He’s abandoned his blazer, and all he’s left in is his dress-shirt that does absolutely nothing in hiding his figure and slacks that just accentuates his waist even more. The fact that he also has his sleeves rolled up makes you more flustered than you’d like.

“It’s late—” You try to make an excuse, but he’s tugging you by your wrist to follow him and you have no objection on your tongue when you’re in his office.

Somehow, you've been in the room a million times, the second person that spends the most time in here besides Hoseok himself, yet tonight feels different.

The context of sharing a small meal with him seems almost illegal as if you were committing a crime.

“When did you even order this?” You mutter, when you realise his desk was already cleaned of all work-related stuff and only left with the brown packaged bags of food.

“Of course you didn’t notice,” He teases, gesturing for you to take a seat on the chair next to him.

You roll your eyes, bowing your head slightly to thank him when he passes you a sandwich, and you’re pleasantly surprised to know that it was your favourite order from a place you frequented during your lunch breaks.

“How did you—?”

“I’m not that much of an asshole to not know your likes and dislikes ____.” He jokes.

You purse your lips, flustered because while you and Hoseok bantered back and forth, and you were definitely tougher on your own boss than you were to your colleagues, you knew deep down it was an act of self-preservation to convince your own heart that keeping him away was safer for you.

“I didn't mean it like that …” You mumble, munching on your food.

Your eyes are too focused on the sandwich that you miss the fond expression Hoseok gives you, opting to just observe small bites that you were taking.

Eventually, you do notice that Hoseok isn’t eating but paying full attention to you, chin resting on his palm as he blatantly stares at you. When your eyes look up to meet his own, you flush and look away immediately, ears burning red under the dim light as you attempt to cover it up with a cough.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

He shrugs.

“I had my dinner hours ago. This is for you.” He gestures to the food, “You know I despise these things. They’re so pretentious.”

You gape at him with an open mouth.

“Then why are you still—” It seems like Hoseok is dead-set on not allowing you to finish most of your sentences tonight when he responds before you can finish.

“I was waiting for you.” The confession knocks the wind out of your chest as you look at him with wide eyes, heart beating faster when he nonchalantly admits that he was cooped up in his office—waiting for you?

“You didn’t have to do that Hoseok …” You mumble, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear bashfully—a habit you only do when you’re embarrassed.

He snorts.

“A thank you would be nice, sweets.” He leans forward, face inches closer to yours as you yelp and leans back into your chair.

The term of endearment doesn’t fall deaf on your ears as you blush even harder. You want to curse at yourself because you’re much stronger than this, you’ve trained for years to not let your feelings show in front of Hoseok because well … he was the CEO and you were his personal assistant.

While there was no strict ban on dating your boss, you had ethics and principles of your own that somehow convinced you that it would’ve been messy. And messy it would be because you worked with him on every single project, communicated information to him and basically was his confidant—purely transactional—so you wouldn’t risk your career just to be with him.

Especially when you didn’t know if he felt the same way.

Even when he looks at you like that.

“I’m waiting …” He sing-songs, grinning at you.

You roll your eyes, looking away when you mumble:

“Thank you.”

He seems satisfied as he leans back into his chair, gesturing you to finish your meal.

The sandwich was delicious, as always, but once you took the last bite you were starting to wonder if Hoseok had really just waited hours, and now to just have you eat in front of him.

“Thank you for the meal, Hoseok.” You say politely.

He eyes you for a second, until his eyes glance to the side of your head—then back at you.

“It’s five minutes before midnight.” He points out.

You raise an eyebrow at him.

“… okay?”

“So … aren’t you going to wish me?” He pries.

The cue falls over your head, until you see and feel Hoseok, cage you in your chair.

You let out an eep at the sudden proximity, flushed at the way Hoseok grins at you all suave-like.

“Wish you?” You squeak, “W-What do you mean?”

He sighs, resting his palms on the side of your chair, looking at you with a fond expression that you were sure your eyes were deceiving you with.

“I dunno. Isn’t today a special day?” He teases, and he revels in the fact that you’re turning into a tomato under his scrutiny.

“I-Is it? I didn’t—I didn’t know that …” You gulp.

Hoseok takes the leap of faith and reaches out to pat your head, as you freeze under the touch.

“There were flyaways.” He smirks.

You feel like dying because of how close he is to you, and you know that he won’t let you go unless you say the words he’s tried to pull out from you. So, you swallow your pride, and honestly, gather all the courage you have in you to wish him.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Hoseok.” You mumble, eyes avoiding his.

He doesn’t do anything for a split second, and you feel like a fool. You’re about to push him away until he moves—shuffling between his drawers to pull out—

“Flowers?” You cock your head to the side when he hands them over to you.

They were a beautiful arrangement, meticulously curated with the hands of someone that wanted perfection. It was very like Hoseok, but also included all of your favourite flowers and colours that you can’t help but imagine how cohesive the two of you would be.

You try to shake out of your delusions because you’re still processing the fact that Hoseok had handed you a bouquet of the most beautiful flowers you’ve ever seen and received.

“Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, _____.” He smiles, and it lacks the usual mirth that he carries when he’s out to poke at you. This time, his smile is kind, warm—and longing.

“W-What is this for …?” You admire the arrangement, and it feels heavy in your palms. A testament to the effort put in, as well as how expensive it must’ve been.

“For being a great personal assistant,” He says.

It’s like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on you when he says those words. You blink up at him, then you scowl—shoving him away from you as you abandon the flowers on the table. Your heart was so hopeful as if you had managed to understand what was going on in Hoseok’s heart—but he reminded you of who you were and the world between the two of you shattered.

“Hey—hey. Where are you going?” Hoseok seems panicked but you don’t pick up on much as you hastily try to leave.

“Home, Hoseok.” You say curtly.

He’s faster than you when he grabs your elbow to spin you around to face him.

“Do you not like it?” He furrows his eyebrows.

You glare at him, and all the irritation in you returns when he genuinely looks clueless.

“No, Hoseok. I fucking love it.” You try to pull away, but he’s stronger than you.

“Then what’s the problem?” He huffs.

You narrow your eyes at him and even though he both makes you want to rip your hair out and makes your heart feel funny—he genuinely looks confused.

“You!” You yell, shoving at his chest as he just looks at you quizzically.

“You’re my problem Jung Hoseok,” You point a firm finger into his chest, “You’re always making me do your work for you and teasing me until I want to rip your hair out—then you do this … whatever this is, with the flowers and the stares you’re giving me and you—and you expect me to be okay?”

He blinks at you.

“You’re so confusing Hoseok! Like God—first, you look at me with those eyes of yours and expect my heart not to flutter? Is that it? Do you just like embarrassing me like this? You stupid son of a motherfucking bitch—!”

He really needed to shut you up, and granted, it wasn’t the best way to do it. But there was something oddly endearing about the way you were yelling his ear off that he needed to just close the distance.

Hoseok grabs you by the waist with a firm hand on your cheek when he leans down to kiss you.

The kiss is explosive, both in pent up frustrations and longing all at once and you’re both confused and relieved when you feel the plush of his lips against your own. You forget what you were saying when he holds you like this—close.

Hoseok looked like a magnificent kisser—you theorised—and your hypothesis was proven with the way he’s gentle yet assertive with the way his body moulds against your own.

You whine when he pulls away, your hands clutching at the front of his dress shirt. Only when you see his flushed cheeks, and swollen lips do you remember what was happening.

“_____—”

You punch him in the stomach.

Hard.

He grunts, doubling over as you glare at him.

“Are you insane?” You shriek.

He wheezes, clutching at his abdomen.

“You could’ve just told me you didn’t like me!” He snaps, shooting you a venomous glare.

Your mouth falls open as you give him one of your own venomous stares.

“Are you stupid?” You throw your hands into the air, “Why the fuck did you do that?”

“I was trying to be romantic!” He grits out.

You huff, and you soften for a moment to see him still holding onto his stomach.

You quietly reach out to him, holding him by the elbow like you did something wrong (punching him in the stomach) and look up at him with apologetic eyes.

“Does it really hurt?” You meekly ask.

"No. I'm on the floor because it's comfortable," He deadpans.

You pout as you flush a pretty shade of red.

He’s about to retort when he sees how guilty you look, then he sighs; reaching an arm around your shoulder to bring you into an embrace against his chest.

“It’d hurt a lot more if you were rejecting me.”

You scoff, leaning your cheek against his chest when you feel the movement of his chest with his deep breaths.

“Why couldn’t you ask me out like a normal person?” You complain.

He rolls his eyes.

“You’re not a conventional person to ask out.”

You narrow your eyes at him, and he wants to kiss you again because you’re the cutest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on.

So he does.

This time, you’re not as shocked, but it’s still as pleasant as when he first kissed you. You lean into his embrace, taking the initiative to run your hands across his shoulders and into his hair.

“We could’ve been doing this way longer if you weren’t such an annoying brat.” He mumbles against your lips.

The moment is broken when he returns to his normal self, but your heart still remains.

“Me? Annoying? You know what’s annoying—the fact that I spent six hours on Valentine’s Day sorting through your stupid documents because you wanted to hold me, hostage, here—”

Hoseok purses his lips as you progress through your rant, but in all honesty, you looked like a little rabbit that was frustrated than anything else, and all he feels in endearment.

He lets you have your moment, though—because he likes you like this—honest, unforgiving and so irrevocably yourself.

“—like, romantic? Please, Hoseok—you have zero romantic bones in your body and I’m pretty sure you’re 100% annoying than human—”

He pouts when you resort to insulting him, and he reaches for your cheeks to squeeze them in his palms so you’d stop.

“Okay enough of that, my feelings are hurt.” He pouts, “But … I’ll let you off the hook cause you’re so cute.”

You glare at him, cheeks still squished together like a chipmunk.

“I hathe eberything avout you.” You say through a muffled breath.

He sighs.

He releases your cheeks and begins packing up the trash, and you’re confused at the way his touch suddenly disappears and disappointed because you weren’t close to him anymore.

“Hobi?” You meekly call out, and he swears his heart stutters at the nickname.

“Can you stop being cute for one second and let me clean up?” He groans, shoving the stray paper bags away into the dustbin below his desk.

You blush even harder, keening under the praise.

You twiddle with your thumbs, awkwardly hovering by his desk as you watch him. You’d try to help, but there was something so utterly domestic and … homey about the way that Hoseok tuts you off when you reach out to pick something up.

Once he’s satisfied (because as annoying as he was, you applauded him for his neatness), he throws his blazer over his shoulder effortlessly, and shuts all the lights off, saying nothing more besides walking to the door.

You eye him curiously, wondering why he hasn’t uttered a single word yet, but as you’re about to open your mouth, he turns around to look at you over his shoulder with a raised brow.

“Are you coming?”

You tilt your head to the side.

“W-Where?”

“With me,” He shrugs his shoulders, leaning against the wooden frame of his door as you feel your heartbeat grow faster at how effortlessly good he looks under the dim light.

“I think I owe you a belated Valentine’s Day celebration, no?”

Oh.

[raeandwhatnot]

Distant- Charlie Gillespie Imagine

Summary: Charlie has been distant and you finally let out your thoughts.

Warnings: Angst.. a lot of it, but it has a nice ending!

Request: yes (x) no () “This wouldn’t even be a problem, if you wouldn’t make one out of it.” “How does that make it okay?”

Words: 2.3k

A/N: I would like to clarify that I don’t think Charlie ever do this; this is purely fiction! Just like any other imagine! Also, you wanna request an imagine, imbox me! check out the prompt list of you need inspiration!

“I’m going to be at Owen’s tonight,” Charlie announced as he was packing his backpack for the day. I look up at him in disbelief. We have been married for almost a year, and for these past three months, I have woken up almost every day to him not by my side. I understand that he is busy with work and filming. I understand that he needs a guy’s night sometimes. But he is about to leave for a whole day and not even bother coming home.

“Why?” I ask.

Charlie let’s out a frustrated sigh, “I just want a guy’s night.” I scoff and look back at my morning coffee. “What?” he asks, hearing my reaction to what he said.

“Charlie, you’ve had a guy’s night almost every day this week! Will you at least be home for dinner?” I question.

He stops packing his bag to look at me. “No, (Y/N). I’m going to his right after work. You know this,” he says, placing a hand on his hip.

I could feel the anger growing inside me that has been slowing building over these past few months. “Fine,” I state, finishing my coffee and place the mug into the sink.

I hear Charlie walk closer to me, “Okay, what’s wrong?”

I keep my back towards him because I couldn’t even think of looking him in the face right now. “Nothing,” I mumble. “Have a good day.”

I start walking towards our room before Charlie grabs my arm to make me stop. “No! Something is wrong! What is it?” he asks, raising his voice a little.

Tears started to brew in my eyes slightly. I tug my arm out of his grasp and look at him, “Why don’t you take a guess, Charlie?! Why could I be so upset?!”

“I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking, (Y/N)!” he says, analyzing my face. He then looks straight into my eyes as a tear dropped on my cheek. He furrows his eyebrows and places his hand on my cheek to wipe the tear away. “You’re crying!”

I take his hand off of my face as more tears started to fall. “Please, come home tonight,” I whisper.

“Babe, I just said I was going to Owen’s,” Charlie whispers as well, reaching to wipe more of my tears.

Before he could reach my face, I back away. “And that’s the problem!” I shout. The anger that has been swelling up in me is finally coming out, and I didn’t know how to control it or let it out in a calmly manner. “Charlie, you are never home anymore! I have been eating alone for a while now, and I have been going to bed alone because you are at Owen’s! ”

Charlie shakes his head, “Babe, you know I work these long hours. Sometimes I need guy time! We’ve talked about this! This wouldn’t even be a problem, if you wouldn’t make one out of it.”

“Are you kidding me?!” I shout. “I understand all of that, but what about having time together?! We haven’t had dinner together in two and a half months! And how does that make it okay?! How does that make it okay to leave your wife alone all the time?! Do you understand how lonely I am feeling?”

I stare at Charlie, finishing my statement of emotions. He had a shocked expression on his face as if he didn’t know that he has been doing this. Tears were now forming in his eyes.

“I am.. so sorry, (Y/N). I had no idea,” Charlie whispers, stepping closer only for me to take another step back.

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it this time, Charlie. You have been leaving your wife alone for three months, and you didn’t even notice. Does this marriage even matter to you anymore?” I cry. There was a moment of silence as both of us had tears running down our faces. Charlie’s mouth kept opening and closing, not knowing what to say. “Whatever, I am going to Jeremy and Carolynn’s. Have fun at work,” I mumble.

I walk quickly to the door, slipping on my shoes and grab my keys. I heard Charlie protesting for me to stop and to come back, but I couldn’t look at him anymore. I was so upset and angry to continue speaking to him. I get in my car and drive away to our friend’s house.

***

I pull into the driveway of Jeremy and Carolynn’s house, sobbing uncontrollably. I texted Carolynn that I was on my way and that I wanted to hang out for the day. I slowly climbed out of the car and walked to their front door to ring the doorbell. I few seconds later, Care opens the door. Once she noticed my tear stained, red cheeks, she pulls me into a hug. “Oh my goodness, what happened?!” she questions, rubbing my back.

I pull away from the hug to wipe away the tears with my sleeve. “Charlie and I had a fight. I finally told him how lonely I was because he’s never home,” I whimper, more tears threatening to fall. “He didn’t even notice, Care,” I cry out.

“Oh, sweetie,” Carolynn whispers, pulling me back into a hug. I sobbed quietly in her shoulder. I suddenly hear footsteps coming from inside the house. I look up from Carolynn’s shoulder to see Jeremy standing behind her. I pull away from the hug to wave at Jeremy. He doesn’t say anything, but instead he too pulls me into a hug.

“Everything will be okay. Charlie will come to his senses,” Jeremy whispers in my ear. I nod my head and pull away from his grasp. Jeremy steps to the side to let me into their house. “I am on my way to set. I will see you later. I love you,” he says, giving Carolynn a kiss on the cheek. Care says her goodbyes and closes the door. I plop myself on the couch and grab a blanket nearby to let it cover my legs.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Care asks, sitting down next to me on the couch.

I let out a heavy sigh, “Yeah, I just need to vent.”

“I’m all ears, (Y/N/N),” Care says.

I tell her everything that happened just an hour ago. I tell her that Charlie was going to be at Owen’s again for the 5th night in a row, leaving me alone again. I tell her how frustrated I have been with him that he hasn’t even payed the slightest attention to me. I tell her that I have cried myself to sleep because I miss his arms around me at night sometimes. I tell her everything.

“Do I sound selfish for all of this?” I ask quietly. I had finally stopped crying. My eyes were burning from how much crying I have done.

“(Y/N), you are not selfish at all!” Carolynn says. “Charlie married you for a reason, and he isn’t keeping the promises he made to you. He is 100% in the wrong, and he needs to make up for it!”

I shake my head, “I’m not going to work for it if he’s not going to. I’m tired of trying to keep making this work. Maybe this whole marriage thing was a mistake.” I look at my left hand, fiddling with my ring.

“No, (Y/N)!” Carolynn protests. “It’s only been almost a year! You guys can get through this and fix it! Please, don’t give up!”

“Why? Why should I not give up?” I frustratingly ask.

“Because you both love each other so much. I know this is awful and frustrating, but you guys need to communicate so you can fix this,” Carolynn advises.

“Well, he has a funny way of showing that he loves me, recently,” I mumble.

There was a pause in the conversation to let everything sink in. I think Carolynn knew that she shouldn’t push it too much. “Let’s have a spa day. Let’s do facemasks, paint our nails, and watch comedy movies to make this day better,” Care says, standing up with a big smile on her face.

I look up to see her bright face. I slightly smile at her positivity. “That sounds wonderful,” I say. Care claps her hands and runs to get the spa stuff.

***

Hours pass and Carolynn and I’s spa day had come to an end. My stomach was growling to let me know that I needed food. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” Carolynn asks.

I shake my head, “It’s okay, Care. I have leftovers waiting for me at my house.” Care cocks her head to the side, not believing that it was okay to go back home. “I’ll be fine. I promise. I am a little nervous to go home, but it’s okay. I need to go home eventually.”

Carolynn gives me a sympathy smile. “Okay, if you say so. Text me when you get home,” she says, pulling me into one last hug before I go.

I wave goodbye before climbing into my car. I let out a heavy sigh, starting the engine to drive back home. I don’t put on any music like I normally do. I drive in silence. About a half an hour later, I arrived back home. I saw that Charlie’s car wasn’t in the driveway which didn’t surprise me, but my heart still dropped at the sight of it not being there. I get out of the car and go to the front door to unlock it. I stop my tracks as I could hear music coming from inside. I listen closely, but I couldn’t make out the song. I slightly twist the door knob to see it was unlocked. I slowly open the door and peak inside. The song started to be clearer as I open the door, and I realized that it was Charlie and I’s song. It was Everything She Does is Magic covered by Sleeping at Last.

As I open the door fully, I saw Charlie standing in the kitchen. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was cooking something on the stove, and it smelled delicious. Charlie turns around to see me frozen at the front door. “Hey, you’re home!” he exclaims, a smile forming on his face. I slowly put my keys on the key holder and take off my shoes, still staring at Charlie.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“I am cooking dinner for my wife,” Charlie says, turning back to the stove.

I tilt my head to the side, confused, “But.. but I thought you were going to Owen’s tonight?”

Charlie covers the pot and walks over to me. “I told him that I need to spend time with my wife tonight,” he says, taking my hands into his. I could feel my heart pounding. He squeezes my hands before he continues to speak. “I have been a total dick towards you, and I don’t think I could apologize enough to earn your forgiveness. I totally understand that. I shouldn’t have been leaving you alone so many times, and I can’t believe that I let myself do that to you. I can’t believe I didn’t realize how lonely you were. I shouldn’t earn your forgiveness, but I can’t imagine you not in my life. This marriage does matter to me! I’m truly, deeply, immensely, sorry, (Y/N).”

This time, Charlie’s eyes were brewing with tears as he was talking. I could see the guilt painted on his face. I could tell how sincerely sorry he was. As I was analyzing his face, I could tell that he was wanting me to say something. However, I am speechless, so I pulled Charlie into a big hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he wraps his arms around my waist. I rub his head as he slightly sobs in my neck. I pull away, keeping my hands wrapped around his neck.

“I don’t think I can describe how hurt I have been feeling these past few months. I felt like you didn’t want to be with me anymore, so you avoided me by not coming home or coming home super late. I know you film late at times, but there wouldn’t be a text if you would come late because of filming or hanging out with Owen or Jeremy. We need to communicate better, and I would appreciate it if you would at least spend time with me,” I rant.

Charlie let’s go of my waist and places his hands on my face. “Of course, (Y/N). I should have been doing that anyway. I used to spend time with you and let you know when I was coming home. I don’t know if it’s because how stressed I have been with filming that I got out of routine, but I shouldn’t have stopped. I’m so, so, so sorry. I will work on it; we can fix this,” he says, placing his forehead onto mine.

I then take my hands and place them on his cheeks as well, wiping away his tears. “Thank you,” I whisper. I bend his head down to kiss him on the forehead. Charlie pulls me into another tight hug, rubbing my back. I pull away and grab Charlie’s hands. “Wait, where is your car?”

“Oh, it’s at our neighbors across from us. I wanted to surprise you by being here tonight, and I didn’t want you to know I was here. Which probably wasn’t the best choice, but I wanted to make you dinner to slightly make up for my absence. There is a lot of making up I need to do,” Charlie explains.

“I won’t deny that,” I joke, but at the same time am serious. “Is dinner ready?” I question.

Charlie chuckles, “Yes! Let’s eat!” He keeps holding my hand and tugs me to the kitchen. He grabs two plates and starts dishing up our meal. I grab cubs to fill them with ice and water. We sit down at our designated spots at the table and have dinner together. This was the first dinner we have had in weeks, and I couldn’t have been happier to be sitting here with my husband.

[thepaperpanda]

The Tarry Gift || Higgs Monaghan x Reader (yet Sam makes a short guest apperance too!)

Summary: it had to be a simple delivery after a longer time of being indisposed. Little did you know that the client was Higgs Monaghan himself

Warnings: none     

Words: 2728

Authors: Cass & Bear

A/N: This is a comedy fic. We wrote it accidentally while just playing around with writing a thing for Higgs Monaghan character but it came out so laughably that we decided to share it with you! ENJOY!

You hoped for a lot as for the first delivery since a long time but instead, you’d gotten pizza delivery. A fucking pizza.

You took the box and headed to the destination.

When the terminal beeped, Higgs narrowed his eyes. Quickly a realization came - it could be nothing but pizza! 

Oh, how much he hoped to finally meet Sam in his bunker! 

How much he craved to see Sam's face when he will realise that Peter Englert was no one else but Higgs himself!

Before putting his hood on, he checked his makeup and smiled at his reflection in a mirror. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the meanest of them all?," He smirked widely to his reflection so the whiteness of his teeth glistened back in a light of lamp and Higgs chuckled.

He checked his outfit for the very last time and walked to open the door.

"Oh, Sam Bridges! Guess you're happy to..... Who the fuck are you?"

"Who the fuck are you?," You asked with a frown, still holding pizza box in your hands.

The last thing you needed now was being insulted by an aspiring beauty guru. "I have your pizza, mr Englert."

"Where's Sam Bridges?," He asked, measuring your features from the bottom to the top.

You shrugged. "He left before I did. Even if he is my friend I don't really know where he is. Why do you ask?"

"Nevermind. Oh, where are my manners? Please, come in, come in," he gestured at you to get inside the bunker.

"Uhm…," You felt confused, most of the time you interacted with holograms and no one ever invited you inside. "Uhm, I don't know if I should."

"Oh, don't bullshit me!," He simply grabbed your forearm and pulled you inside. When he did, the door closed automatically.

Now you felt scared as fuck and the locked door made you scared even more. "Uhm... Your pizza,” you passed the box to the man in the hood.

With his hood still on, Higgs grabbed the pizza box from you and humming happily he went further along the narrow corridor. "Oh, c'mon! Don't stand like an idiot. Get in!"

You swallowed heavily and nodded, following him. You didn't like it but you had no other option.

The corridor led to a huge chamber.

The walls were covered with handwriting, maps and pictures of no one else but Sam Bridges.

Almost in the middle of the room there was a couch and a table. Under the table there were empty pizza boxes.

Man flopped on the couch and opened the box he was holding in hands. He grabbed a slice of pizza and took a bite. He hummed. "Delicious. Make yourself at home. Want some?," He asked, offering you pizza. "Salami and ham."

You looked around and felt the shivers moving up your spine. This didn't look good and you wanted to run. "No, thanks… I don't like salami or pizza itself."

He shrugged. "Whatever you say, honeypot," he replied and ate his slice of pizza only to grab another

"Don't call me that. I don't even know you. Why am I here even?!," You growled angrily while rubbing your elbow.

"The name's Higgs, the particle of God that permeates all existence. You brought pizza and you are the friend of Sam Bridges who is my greatest enemy of all time. So technically, you're kidnapped," Higgs claimed.

You blinked, processing what he just said. "Excuse me...? You kidding, right? I wanna go out. Let me out."

"Take a seat and have some pizza. Rest. Make yourself at home. You're not going anywhere."

"I don't like pizza!," You growled. "I want to go home! I have other stuff to do."

"Shhh, shhh, shhh, stop talking, I can't gather my thoughts when you're yapping like a puppy," Higgs finished his pizza and laid on the couch.

"LET ME OUT YOU, PSYCHO!," You yelled and stomped a few times.

He didn't listen. After a long moment he got up and walked to the desk where a laptop was placed. He took it with him and sat back on the couch.

You frowned and moved closer to close the laptop with your palm. "Let me you! Do you understand English?"

"Can you stop yapping, pretty please?," He pulled the hood off his head and furrowed his brows.

"Can you stop being a dick and let me out?!," You growled. "Sam won't just come because I am gone."

"Oh, he'll. I'm mailing him, don't worry, he's going to come for you," Higgs replied. "If I was a dickhead, you'd be tied up and I'd put a rag into your mouth to shut you up. I didn't do anything. I even offered you pizza! Ah, people are so ungrateful these days."

"Says the guy that kidnapped an innocent woman. You want me to be grateful for keeping me here?," You asked in disbelief, crossing arms over your chest.

"Oh-ho, I heard the storm has come! It's better here I think, you're dry and not exposed to BTs. Or... Are you truly safe here?," He smirked wryly and snapped his fingers.

Without a blink of an eye the floor turned into tar and a creature formed out of it. It was a lion BT with a golden snout. It roared at you.

"Holy Beach!," You whimpered and sat on the couch right next to him, pulling knees right under your chin. "Take it away! I am sorry! I will be good!"

The lion tilted its head and shook its mane, roaring and yawning. Next, the creature licked its paw and sat right in front of you.

"Don't worry, it won't hurt you unless I order so," Higgs informed as he was writing the email.

You only nodded your head, too scared to even move or breathe.

"If you need a hug, you can just tell me," Higgs chuckled. "I'm a great cuddler."

Lion hit your knee with its paw, roaring.

"I would never touch you, ever. I am scared of this thing," you explained, pointing at the lion and whimpering loudly when it hit your knee.

"Don't you see? He demands being petted," Higgs glared at you. "Go on. Pet him. Like this," he reached out and stroked the mane made of tar.

You nodded and slowly tried to pet the lion how Higgs instructed you.

It resulted in a loud purring that was followed by a tail wiggling, sending some tar on the walls. Soon, the lion laid down, his belly exposed.

You looked at Higgs. "Really? I thought BTs are more scary," you said and bent down to scratch the lion's belly.

Lion's paw started shaking as you hit the very right spot. The puring became louder. 

Higgs raised his brow while looking at you. "Ah, right. They are scary, indeed. Just don't try this with others outside because they'll kill ya," he reminded. "Ah! Done! Now we only gotta wait for Sam to come and rescue you from the oppression!"

"You think I am that stupid to pet every BT I see?," You asked with a frown. "I don't think he will come but I at least can pet the lion..."

Lion grabbed your arm with both front paws and pulled you to him more so you fell off the couch. 

Higgs chuckled. "I forgot to tell you that he is too demanding sometimes."

"I can see! I will need a shower… Ah, I just took one before I left the facility," You sighed sadly, petting the lion.

Lion opened the snout and trailed its tarry tongue across your face.

You only whimpered and sighed defeatedly.

Soon, the terminal beeped again.

"Your saviour has come apparently!," Higgs informed you excitedly and rubbed his hands together getting off the couch.

He walked to the main door of his bunker and put hood back on. He touched the touchpad on the wall and the door opened. "Ah, Sam Bridges! We can finally meet in person!"

Sam put the case he was holding in his hand down on the stone floor and cocked his brow. "Higgs. We do know each other."

"Yes! But technically you came here to meet Peter Englert. So?," He sent Sam  a wide grin.

Sam let out a sigh. "Higgs. I know you're Peter Englert. Now, can I get Y/N back?"

"Yes, please! I'd like to go home, even if I like the lion!," You yelled from the floor while you were still petting the creature. Too bad you couldn't keep it.

Sam narrowed his brows. "Excuse me, is she inside? How? What for?"

"I'll share a secret with you," Higgs put hands to Sam's shoulders and leaned forward to trace the tip of his tongue along Sam's cheek. "I let her in and she enjoyed our common time."

"Get off, man!," Sam pushed Higgs off and wiped his cheek with the top of his gloved palm. "Y/N! Move on!"

You rubbed the lion's snout. "I started to like you. I need to go now, you cute, little thing. Maybe we'll meet again and you won't eat me then!," You said to the creature and got up to quickly run to Sam. "Hi," you give him a smile as soon as you step out of Higgs' bunker.

Sam measured your figure from the bottom to the top with shock written on his face. "Were you fighting BTs? Did he do something to you?," Sam asked, pointing right on Higgs who instantly shook his head for no, raising his hands up.

“He locked me in his safe room and was rude to me but at least he let me pet his BT lion. It's messy as hell but I really loved it," you explained with excitation, looking at Higgs. "Too bad I can't have one."

Higgs sent you a grin and snapped his fingers once again. Within the blink of an eye once again a little puddle of tar appeared at the entrance and a little BT lion cub stepped out of it, meowing loudly.

"Omg, hi, little one!" You laughed and picked the creature gently up. "You are mine now."

"Hola, hola!," Sam raised his tone. "You're not going to take a BT with you. Put it back, now, I am not joking, Y/N. You won't get the BT from this deluded guy."

Higgs crossed arms over his chest. "Let her. This BT belongs to her now, you would have to chop the cord off."

"Exactly. It's mine," you looked at him with an innocent smile, hugging the cub.

The BT lion cub reached its tiny paw towards Sam, but the man immediately took a step back. "This is sick, ridiculous. What are you thinking, Y/N? That we'll get back to Bridges with that BT hidden in your backpack? And you," Sam pointed at Higgs. He was so done with Monaghan's actions and shady plans. "You better get the fuck out of my sigh, I'm so done and believe me - I would kill you but I know it won't affect you in any goddamn way."

Higgs chuckled. "It's good to be a repatriate after all, huh? Y/N, you can keep the BT," he winked at you.

"What's the fucking point of kidnapping her though," Sam pointed at you, "When you simply let her go? What the fuck is going on!"

You pet the cub and shrugged. "He was really disappointed when I came with pizza. So if I understood it correctly, he didn't plan to hurt me and only wanted to get your attention."

You moved a little closer to Sam. "Trust me, he must be a big fan of yours. His walls are decorated with your pictures," you whispered.

Sam cringed at the simple thought of his photos being attached to Higgs' walls. 

"I planned on killing you," Higgs claimed openly. "But she came instead of you, and she brought a good pizza. So I rethought my idea and today I won't kill anyone. What a lovely day, isn't it?!"

Higgs approached you and Sam and wrapped his slender arms around you two. "What a lovely day for the encounter!"

You cringed at the hug, knowing that Sam must have felt really uncomfortable with this.

Letting out an awkward laugh you patted Higgs' shoulder. "Yes, yes... It's nice but please, can you let us go?"

Monaghan measured your features with his steel blue eyes. "It's a shame such a beautiful woman is wasting her youth on being a porter though," he touched your cheek with a gloved hand and then leaned down and forward to get on the level of your head. "But due to the fact you were rather a good hostage, I'll let ya go," after these words he licked your cheek. "You taste so good."

Sam cringed harder at the sight and simply yanked you out of Higgs' grasp. "I have enough of you, I mean it," Sam told Monaghan who only chuckled. "What's so funny, Higgs? Maybe it's time to get a life, something?"

Higgs rubbed his bearded chin before replying. "You see, Sam, haunting you and turning your life in a fucking mess became one of the most beloved and fascinating hobbies of mine lately," Higgs concluded with a happy tone. "You're so much fun, aren't you? Especially when you're making all those grimaces of yours when I cause the tar being all over you," Higgs summed up.

Sam closed his eyes for a brief moment, trying to cool himself down. "Amelie created a goddamn psychotic monster," he summed up, his hands clenched in fists.

"Sam, let's go, okay? You two can fight some other time. If he lets us go, let's use it," you said, petting the little lion in your arms and starting to walk away. "Thank you for the lion!"

"The pleasure is mine and mine only, Y/N, it's a pleasure to meet you though. Remember, the name's Higgs!"

Sam dragged you down the hill, right to his car. "Are you insane?"

"Hey! He kidnapped me, did you forget? Okay, maybe more like inviting me inside and locked the door but I felt kidnapped!," You stated. "And since when do you touch anyone?!"

"Since you pissed me off with the childish behaviour of yours, Y/N, he could have killed you."

"Like you see he did not! Overall he was even nice to me. He gave me a little lion!"

Sam let go of your hand. "Don't get fooled by his sweet face," Sam raised his finger up, shaking it in front of your eyes. "He might look cute and behave cute but it's his deluded facade. He's a fucking delusional psychopath who gifted you with the fucking BT. It's nothing normal in this."

"But look. It's my BT now, it won't hurt me or anyone. It will be okay," you said and nodded. "I know but look, he didn't hurt me and I am fine."

"So maybe get back to his bunker and you two can live a happy life, how about that?," Sam growled. "Get in. Time to get back to Bridges as you spent more than half a day with the main terrorist of America."

"I was kidnapped! It's not like I could just leave. You also took your sweet time to get there," you let out a sigh and got in, rolling your eyes.

"I was working and getting throughout BTs territory to get your ass saved, Y/N, so don't bullshit me about me being delayed," he instructed as he took a seat at the wheel.

"Okay, sorry.”

"Ah, and put this fucking thing to the trunk, I don't need the upholstery to be covered in tar," added Sam while pointing at BT lion cub that was on your lap.

"It's connected to me. If the cub is going to the trunk then I go there as well," you answered, petting BT head.

"For fuck's sake. If your sweet tar cub will leave a single tar spot inside, I'll cut the cord, understood?," Sam growled

You rolled your eyes and looked away.

"And please, next time refrain from delivering pizza."

"Not my fault that this is what I get to do. You know that it's not my choice," you sighed looking out of the window.

Sam only nodded in silence. "So at least try to verify to whom you are delivering."

[thattimdrakeguy]

Who’s Damian when he’s actually Damian?

People really freaking exaggerate how much of a maniac Damian is in his early years (besides his origin, obviously).

Like his origin to Batman and Robin is a giant stretch to be completely honest. Decapitating people, to helping people in a matter of months is a really big battle against the suspension of disbelief. Which is honestly my biggest problem with early Damian beyond the other writers completely messing with him to the point that it makes him come off like a crap character.

But beyond being extra violent with criminals, stubborn, and obviously bitter: He honestly isn’t that bad? He gets along with Dick well enough, except when they have a genuine moment caused by Damian’s glorification of himself and his parents. Though they really write Dick and Damian wrongly nowadays.

It’s really exaggerated how much of a maniac he was though.

Has lessons to learn obviously, and isn’t well-adjusted. But I enjoy it.

I really like the dynamic Damian has with Dick and Alfred when it came to how it was supposed to be. He’s a mature, young adult at the age of 10, and they treat him so, but yet he’s still a kid that needs to learn so they find a balance in it. As in they still mostly treat him as the young adult he is at heart, but still acknowledge that he has a lot to learn.

Dick treats Damian with respect as much as he can, and isn’t over affectionate like they act like nowadays. Like they basically to an extent gave Dick and Damian Tim and Dick’s relationship--when Dick and Damian had their own unique and interesting dynamic that suited them much more.

He’s more of a dad knowing he has to find the best way to teach his kid a lesson rather than all the nicknames and hugs and stuff they act like they are now.

I’m not saying Dick was abusive to Damian or anything, cause he probably isn’t smacking him all that hard. But they greatly changed their dynamic for something already done and a lot less interesting.

And people always sort of implied this thing were Damian cared a lot about Robin, but in context Damian didn’t really care. It was more about something different than that.

He wasn’t about Robin.

It was all about his dad and living up to his legacy. He has this super idealized version of Bruce in his head (even though he seemed to really dislike him initially in his origin, but Damian was super inconsistent even by the same writers) that he wants to live up to. And later on it was about his father son relationship with Dick. Damian’s parental figures are what causes his inner conflict.

Like Damian’s adult personality I also just find kind of endearing? Like I don’t like the current Damian at all. At freaking all, because it isn’t him. The Damian they act like is just--more of a normal kid in spirit I guess(?). Damian being a miniature adult and people respecting that is so much better than implying him being different is a problem by making him more normal. I enjoy the respect they have for him here with how he is. He’s just being himself and they aren’t pushing him like it’s a problem with him as a person. It’s about his morals not how he’s different. They respect that he’s different from other people his age. Which is oddly a warm dynamic to me that I appreciate. The current stuff trying to act like he’s more normal--completely misses the point of who he is as a character and personality, or even what the point of his lessons were.

As the way it was meant to be, they don’t treat him in a way that he would clearly find incredibly patronizing.

Which is super refreshing after so many writers decided to ignore the uniqueness of Damian to instead make him a lot more--typical and cheap fan service-y.

I also wanna say. I don’t think the comic is good by any means. Characters are out of character sometimes. Dick tries to resurrect Batman when he was against Tim trying it. Which they mention--but, like, it comes across like they only mention it because they’re aware they’re making a big contradiction, and it’s barely even handled. They make Jason have some strange complex about being Dick and dying his hair, even retconning his white streak being dyed in to being a gray streak from the Lazarus pit. They also imply Dick wants to date Kate Kane--which is...ew.

Also Dick constantly saying “Tim Drake” instead of just Tim, like they’d confuse him for some other Tim, as if he’s already partially forgotten comes off totally wrong. I can’t imagine it was the intention but it’s sort of icky how they completely changed their dynamic just for the sake of a change.

But as far as Damian’s character goes. It just makes it a lot sadder what they ended up doing with him. When he was a lot more interesting the way they had him. Instead of making him constantly regress, and at the same time use him for fan service by having things he wouldn’t do, and even turning him into a freaking joke. Just continuing with what made him unique would’ve been a lot better.

When they went for an odd gag it actually was because of them using his character instead of the joke being “Haha Damian is doing something he wouldn’t ever do” which is horrible character work, and super lazy comedy. When doing a joke that uses the character is far better at representing the character, and even builds characterk.

And another thing I much more appreciate is how they actually have Damian caring about his dad dying.

One of the biggest pains of Red Robin to me was the scene where Tim became Red Robin. One, cause Tim would never hit a kid. Two, Dick wouldn’t just suddenly think Tim is his equal and cast aside Tim when he knows how much Robin meant to Tim. Three, because Damian came off as a generic snotty kid who didn’t even care his dad died.

Damian doesn’t make jokes here. It’s his thing that’s he’s very serious. He’s very mature and adult-like for his age, that’s his endearing quality. He’s very serious and intense when it comes to his dad--like how it would actually be.

They portray Bruce as Damian’s main weakness. There’s no weird contradictions here about rather Damian is egotistical or insecure. He’s very prideful in himself and who he came from, but when it comes to his dad he becomes worried, because of how highly he thinks of him.

The portrayal of Talia (that I didn’t really feel like screenshotting) is of course infamously horrible, and out of character for her. But tis the reason why I’m not an actual fan of this serious or Grant Morrison in-general, or even this era.

Like it’s a plotpoint she does something to Damian’s spine to make it so she can control him--it’s super freaking dumb even for a comic. At least in this modern age.

Just how soulful and mature Damian is, is always why that’s what I say I like in him when ever I talk about him when I like him (which is whenever his writing doesn’t really annoy me at that time, or some other thing). Because it’s like--what he’s meant to be like. They ruined him afterwards to me personally. Trying to make something he’s not just like Tim except in their own unique ways given they’re different characters.

And personally, I don’t even think Damian’s character arc is that well done. It sounds great, but reading it, it honestly isn’t that amazing. He just kind of accepts to be better, and, like, he has a few moments here and there of learning, but it’s not actually a lot. It’s very overhyped. It’s genuinely done super lazy, like I think a lot of the writing in this series is lazy, but while there’s a few great moments--it’s just moments, and it’s hard for me to really get into it when it’s just moments.

To me this comic is very overrated, but like--as a showing of what Damian’s meant to be, given this is written by his creator. It makes things really disappointing for me more so, even though current comics already had me depressed with Tim, and even already Damian to an extent, but this just really sets it in.

I’m still someone who has the complicated opinion of I like Damian as a character in a way but I don’t really. Because he still doesn’t really have any stories I like--I pretty much just liked how he was in the beginning because of how interesting he was even if his stories never used it well--and continued to not like him because I feel like pretty much every other writer no matter what the fandom says bastardized him.

So most of my opinions still remain besides a different perspective on how Damian actually was in the beginning, but still. Like I still don’t think he’s a good character purely because of his later writers, and his character arcs general laziness when it comes to how it actually is on the page. But it’s just what he could be I guess. Which is how a lot of people are about him I suppose.

It really gets me how he has the same similar problems as Tim. Had a very obvious set character, random changes that people treat as character development even though when you look deeper it’s a lot more shallow cause it doesn’t freaking add up, they can’t even freaking draw them right anymore, and everyone has a weird inconsistent idea on what they’re even like because of all the bad writing.

It’s a headache.

[sabraeal]

Rarely Pure & Never Simple, Chapter 7

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Obiyukiweek 2020, Day 4: Free Day

The air still smells like freesia and vanilla as Shirayuki returns from her shower, scrubbed clean and with the thinnest pajamas she can muster. Even now the heat’s starting to settle on her skin, turning her post-shower dew into regular summer sweat, and oh, she needs to get that fan oscillating stat, before she stews in her own juices like some Shirayuki-flavored pulled pork.

She settles on the bed, flapping out a hand to turn it on and--

Ugh, it’s just...pushing hot air around, at this point. Maybe if she’s sweats through another set of pajamas tonight, she’ll be able to convince Nanna she needs an AC unit in her window.

(Her room-- back when it was her mother’s-- had a unit, but after an unfortunate incident that involved her father, a thwarted clandestine encounter, and a hole in the garage roof, the replacement instead went into the kitchen, where it’s lived every summer until it malfunctioned and froze to the sill. Grandad’s replaced it since, but still-- it’s never returned to her window. Of all the sins of her mother Shirayuki’s had to answer for, this one is hands down the worst.

“Really?” Obi laughs, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the hem of his shirt. She sees the barest hint of abdominals and suddenly, the orientation packet isn’t half as engaging as it was before. “Not the whole...’grandparents convinced their first great grandchild will pop out before graduation’ thing?”

“To be fair,” she manages, breath thin as the worn fabric drops back over her current distraction. “The point was pretty much moot until, um...”

Oh, that-- that grin is trouble. “Until you climbed on top of me and made me come hard enough to go blind?”

He really, really doesn’t need to say it like-- like that. “S-something like that.”)

She’s ready to just call it a day at this point-- and nearly does. Rolling up onto her side, she reaches for the cord to her lamp--

Buzz. Buzz.

Shirayuki blinks. That’s...that’s her phone.

She’s tempted to ignore it-- she does not need Kihal speculating about what her and Obi could get up to in the woods “all unsupervised” tomorrow, and Obi should still--

 9:12, her phone reads. His shift at the club is over, and by now he’s probably--

Home. Texting her. 

Shirayuki nearly drops her phone straight down the crack between her bed and nightstand, and oh jeez, it would be nice if she could just...calm down for once. Be cool.

It buzzes again. She yelps, trying to flick the screen on with a wild shake. She can save being cool for another day. One where she’s seen him more than once in two weeks.

hey, the text reads, nestled in its innocuous gray bubble, we should talk

Shirayuki experiences something that could medically be called an event. Is he upset? Has she done something--?

not a bad talk, he clarifies, just miss you

She rolls onto her back with a smile, thumbs poking at the screen to say, i miss you t--

mebbe a sexy talk tho ;3 i *rlly* miss u

:|

is that for the sexy or the bad grammar

Both.

She catches the call on the first ring, barely having time for a breath before Obi drawls, “You weren’t complaining about sexy things two weeks ago.”

With all the dignity of a mathlete champion, Shirayuki replies, “Hnn?”

(”Eek!” She yanks the controller up, to the side, anywhere that might help move her character away from giant beetle on the screen. “How do I--? Where do I--?”

Obi’s chest makes a hollow thunk when she rams into it. He coughs; it takes her a full, frantic second to realize it’s to cover a laugh.

“You know,” he murmurs, plucking the controller out of her hands, “joycons don’t have motion sensors.”

“I don’t know,” she returns primly, folding her legs back down over the edge of the bed. “And also you told me this game was easy.”

“Rune Factory is easy.” His mouth twitches. “Half the game is farming.”

“And the other half is fighting...whatever those things are.” She waves at the screen, scowling at the RETRY? stamped across it. “Which is hard.”

“It’s not,” He leans back, setting the controller on his nightstand. “You could even say...”

His arm hooks around her waist, dragging her on top of him. “...It’s as easy as I am.”

Her breath rasps out of her, and oh god, she can feel his dick pressing up against her thigh, so hard already. “You’re not making me feel very accomplished.”

“Well,” his fingernails scrape up the back of her legs, “we can fix that.”)

“You were very enthusiastic,” he remarks casually, “from what I remember.”

“Mm, well.” Two could play at this game...maybe. “It was two weeks ago.”

She may not be able to see him, but she can feel his grimace through the wire. Or well, the air? Wifi? Shirayuki wasn’t really up on how phones worked past the Edison era. It’s not like they ask how cell phones work on the SATs.

“Sorry,” he sighs, pillow audibly whumping over the receiver. “I know I warned you, but I really thought we’d have had more time to talk.”

“It’s okay.” She squirms against her sheets, fighting a shrug he can’t see. “I...I missed you, but I know how much the hours mean to you.”

“I missed you too.” His voice is so soft, so vulnerable, so unlike the boy who made her miss auditions a year ago. “I’m glad we’ll see each other tomorrow.”

“Me too,” she breathes, and oh, it doesn’t seem soon enough. Not when she wants to wrap her arms around him, lay her head on his chest and just listen to him breathe. “You could--”

Come over. Her teeth snap down on the offer. Sure, it’d be nothing for him to hop up to the garage roof, for her to leave the window open--

But that’s how she got here, and nope, no. Not happening.

“--come pick me up tomorrow?” she squeaks out instead, cheeks burning. There’s no way he won’t know she meant something else, that she was avoiding--

“What? Don’t want to be smooshed in the backseat of Big Guy’s swagger wagon?” She can hear the smirk on his lips. “I thought you were looking forward to it.”

“I don’t think Mitsuhide would appreciate you calling his minivan that,” she informs him primly, not a laugh in sight. It’s a feat only achieved by the judicious application of her teeth to her cheeks. “And I was! I mean, I am. It’s just...”

“Big Guy gives priority seating based on height?”

Well, that’s definitely part of it. With all five of them, she’s always left in the back seat, alone, and Obi--

“Gotta say, looking forward to all that leg room,” he drawls, “and getting an airbag all to myself. You think he’ll let me at the aux cable?”

“Never.”

“Aww.” Shirayuki knows he’s pouting; a full-on, little kid lip wibble. “You’re my girlfriend, you’re supposed to be on my side.”

“You know what you did.” A two hour meme mix on the way to Laxdo. “Besides, I just thought it would be better if we, um, had some time to ourselves. Before.”

“Oh?” he hums, so curious, and-- oh, it doesn’t usually take him this long to pick up on when she’s trying to, um, tell him something. “I figured you wouldn’t mind since we’d have all day-- oh.” There it is. “You mean alone.”

“W-well, it’s been two weeks,” she hedges nervously. “And I’m not saying I couldn’t, um, behave--”

“Yeah, I’ll pick you up.” The words come out fast, pinched. Maybe she’s being too pushy; Obi likes to tease, but that doesn’t mean he’s always in the mood to-- “I’m definitely not going to be able to keep my hands to myself.”

“O-oh.” Well. That’s hitting different tonight. Maybe because it’s already over ninety, and her temp is climbing with it. Or maybe because she’s only wrapped up in the thinnest, most barely-there clothes she has; the kind he could rip like tissue paper--

Or maybe because it’s been two weeks, and despite going eighteen years without needing any sexual contact, she’s as tragically hard up as a teen comedy protagonist.

“I didn’t know you were...in a bind.” His voice drops to a rumble, and ah, that is not helping the situation. Her thighs slip against each other, trying to dull the ache. “You know I’m always happen to lend a hand when you need it, kid.”

“It not that bad,” she murmurs, but it’s starting to get there the longer he talks. The more she thinks about him showing up tomorrow, just them alone in her house-- “And you didn’t have time to come over.”

“I don’t need to come over.” He’s laughing, but there’s something in it that’s more, that’s almost a purr. “Come on, kid, I gave you those earphones for a reason. Hands free.”

“O-oh.” She’s all too aware of them now, clipped over her ears. Her hand’s only holding the screen out of habit. Hands free.

“I mean, if you’re really hard up,” he hums, “we could do something about it now. Take the edge off.”

She-- she shouldn’t. “Obi! You don’t really mean...?”

“Absolutely. I’d really like to--” his voice cracks,and oh, oh-- “it’s been so long since I made you come, babe.”

(”Well, that’s the last vote for Dreamiest Hair,” Shirayuki sighs, her flyaways dancing at the edge of her vision. “What’s the next category?”

Kihal glances down and grins. “Sexiest Voice.”

She gapes. “Is Mrs Gazalt really going to let us give out an award for that?”

“Mrs Gazalt takes her position of club supervisor very seriously,” Kihal informs her, “and by that I mean, she sits in the corner playing Words with Friends and just lets us do what we want, as long as it isn’t dangerous. Or illegal.”

“Still.” Her mouth pulls tight, a grim line across her face. If the rest of the club could see her now, her Cutest Smile win would be revoked. “That seems, I don’t know...”

“Like it wouldn’t be a contest? I know.” Kihal shrugs. “But that’s what the freshmen picked. I guess they’re just really hoping Obi will growl through his whole acceptance speech.”

“No, I-- wait, Obi?” Her mouth is dry suddenly. She crosses her legs beneath the table. “Why would--? Obi?”

Kihal rolls her eyes. “Oh come on, you’ve heard him over the headset. He’s got that whole like, gravel thing going on. And when he gets heated with someone, like that time with Raj, hoo--” she fans herself-- “I know you have a thing for Zen, but like, I still don’t know how you didn’t jump him.”

Her cheeks burn, painfully. “I-I don’t-- that’s not--”

“Come on, Shirayuki,” she clucks, rolling her eyes. “You have ears. That couldn’t have done nothing for you.”

At the time she’d been so mortified that Raj had not only followed her to the place that was supposed to be her escape, but that he’d brought up what happened, like it didn’t even bother him--

Well, sex had been the last thing on her mind. At least the actual, arousing kind. But now, now--

Listen, I’m sure you have a lot to say but I really can’t-- his voice breaks, and the phantom pressure of his fingers weighs on her lips-- I was supposed to have your back, and I fucked up. I know it doesn’t make up for what happen but I-- his breath rasps from his throat, so raw that hers hurts in sympathy-- I’m sorry.

--she gets it.

“Right, um--” it’s hard to think with her face so hot-- “we should still count the votes anyway.”)

(He wins in a landslide. His acceptance speech at the drama banquet is so suggestive that he ends up with half a dozen panties shoved into his pockets. They tumble out of his jacket when he leans over the console to kiss her, right over the stick shift and onto her lap.

What am I gonna do with a bunch of ladies underwear? he’d murmured against her lips, fingers toying at the strap of her gown, earning her own personal vote. You need any, kid?)

“O-okay.”

“Wha-what?” She winces at the loud bang over the speakers, followed by a softer, more distant “Fuck.”

“Ah, is everything--?”

“Fine,” Obi assures her, sounding like maybe some of his limbs are out of order. “Just...dropped my phone. I didn’t...are you sure?”

Her fingers clench in her sheets. “Yes. I just...don’t really know how to start.”

“Well.” His voice drops playfully low. “Are you in the position?”

“Is the position laying down?” she asks, nervous. “Because I’m laying down.”

He tries to smother it, but she would know his laugh anywhere. “Yeah, great. Good. You’re ready?”

Shirayuki squirms against her pillow, legs rubbing together so hard they should chirp, like some sort of horny cricket. “I guess...”

Obi doesn’t hide his laugh now, just lets it rumble out from his chest in a way that is...not helping. Or maybe it is, considering the whole...situation. “You guess?”

“I just--” am terrified-- “don’t understand.”

He grunts, and by the sound of rustling in her ears, gets comfortable. “What’s holding you up?”

Everything. “It’s better if we just wait isn’t it? I mean to do this, um...”

In person. With someone who knows how to touch her, instead of her fumbling around and showing just how bad at all this sexy stuff she can be.

“This involves sexy talking, doesn’t it?” If distress is a destination, then she’s already laid out a lawn chair and ordered a drink from the cabana. She’s hopeless when her speeches are planned and PG, let alone when she’s trying to improv and it’s about-- about-- “Do I have to talk about penises?”

He makes an ungodly noise. “Kid.”

“I just don’t think I have the experience to talk about them with any sort of authority,” she presses on, brain undaunted by how ridiculous she sounds. “Especially if I’m also supposed to be doing...other things. It’s really--”

“Shirayuki--” he says her name so soft, so fond, and she knows, she knows-- “you should learn how to do it yourself, too.”

--that he’s seen right through her.

“I don’t see why,” she mumbles stubbornly, fidgeting with the hem of her shorts. “You’re going to Lyrias too. Your room is in the building next door, and it’s connected to mine! I don’t really think I need to learn how to-- to--” she whines, the words sticking in her throat-- “this!”

“Kid.” He heaves a sigh, and even though she’s dying from the mortification of Being Known, it sends shivers right through her. “Just because you’re subscribed to Sexy Culinary School Weekly with Obi doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know how to cook on your own.”

“You magazine needs to work on its name.”

“Yeah, let me just go workshop it with Princess Prettymane and Calico Dog.”

“It’s duchess.”

“You know that doesn’t make it better, right?” he deadpans. “Princess Prettymane at least has alliteration. Also,” his voice lilts, playful, “you’re trying to change the subject. Which is cute, and really makes me want to kiss you until you worry that we’re going to ruin another pair of tights, but--”

“I’m not wearing tights right now.”

His jaw snaps shut.

“See,” he manages after a long moment, hoarse, “that is a very distracting thing to say.”

The gravel in his voice scrapes at an itch she didn’t know she had, heat painting a searing line down her spine. She’s already slick from sweat, but this adds another texture to it, one that’s growing more insistent by the second.

“And very confusing.” She doesn’t know what it says that even his complaints are doing it for her. “Since a few seconds ago, you weren’t sure if you could talk sexy, and now you’re telling me all sorts of things.”

“I was just...informing you. Of the situation.” Her nails pluck nervously at her waistband. “It’s summer, so, um, no tights.”

“Oh right,” he breathes, wry, “just setting the scene.”

“You know,” she tries again, too shrill, “I’m really fine with how you do it. I don’t really think-- I mean, is it really necessary that I have to--?”

“Kid, you’re the one that said okay,” he reminds her. “You don’t have to do anything. It’s just better for you if you know what you like. That way if you...”

His breath rasps from his throat. “...You should know what you like, separate from, ah, someone else.”

It’s a nice wrapping job he’s done on this baggage, but even with only a year under her belt, she knows what the tag on this one says. “I’m not going to go to college and suddenly not want you anymore, Obi.”

“I know that,” he says, but he doesn’t, not really. Obi doesn’t really talk much about before, about all the girls he’s snuck into his room or met at a party or whatever, but he thinks that all this, this whole wanting to put Tab A into Slot B thing, is the default. That you meet someone and maybe you talk a little and then bingo-bango-bongo, you know if you want to get on a horizontal surface with them.

He doesn’t get that this, for her, isn’t her normal. If Zen hadn’t been kind to her that first day, if he hadn’t helped Kihal with her Brecker problem, if the rumors surrounding them hadn’t whipped up to a fevered pitch so even she couldn’t ignore them-- well, Shirayuki wouldn’t have even been thinking about romance.

So the fact that she can look at him and feel like she’s walked into the country club’s sauna with her school clothes on-- that different. That’s special. That’s not going to just happen with someone she meets in an 8AM lecture.

If only she were as good with word things as her English grades suggested she should be, she’d be to tell him that.

“This isn’t about...” Obi lets out a disgruntled huff. “Listen, I know I definitely had some inspired ideas about what you would like from...before--”

(She’s still panting as she comes down, tremors zipping up and down her spine, “How did you...?”

Obi smiles, a wide Cheshire Cat grin. Fitting, since she definitely feels like she’s been dragged down the rabbit hole. “How did I what, kid?”

“Know to do that. With my hips,” She smooths her palms over where he’d grabbed them. They ache; it wouldn’t surprise her if she had hand-shaped bruises slapped across them tomorrow.

“Oh, I thought you’d like that.” Obi curls into her side, too pleased. He’s hard against her hip, but-- she likes it. “When I caught you coming off that ladder, you made that little hiccuppy noise, so I figured...pretty sensitive right?”

She stares.

He blinks. “What, did I say something--?”

“Obi” she manages, “that was four months ago.”)

“But if you knew what you liked...” She doesn’t need to see him to know there’s a feral smile stretching across his face. “I could do much better.”

Oh, that sounds...nice. She shifts, and she-- she leaks, thick slick coating the tops of her thighs.

“Besides, if we’re going to bring toys into the equation,” he continues, as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb in the middle of the conversation, “you should know what makes you feel good without any electronic intervention, if you know what I mean.”

Ah, she-- she definitely does.

“Toys?” she squeaks. “I don’t-- I don’t remember any, um, toy talk.”

Obi hums, amused. “Well, I did promise you a good graduation gift.”

“You--you already gave me one!” Her hand skips up to run over the smooth plastic. “I’m using it right now!”

“Mm.” He’s too pleased with himself, like he’s caught her scent on the air from all the way across town. “But you won’t need them much at school. So...”

“I won’t need t-that at school either!” She’s glad she’s got these headphones; her cheeks would be making her phone’s screen go haywire. “I’ll have you, and I’m very, um, happy with your performance. I don’t think we need to add, um, props.”

“As chuffed as I am to have you appreciating my prowess, kid--” oh he’s going to be unlivable after this, she can just tell-- “that’s all the more reason to have something in the wings to mix it up. Especially since we’re waiting t-to--” he stumbles, voice dropping to a murmur-- “I mean, since we both want to, um...”

He’s so tortured trying to talk about it without actually talking about it that she takes pity on him. “Since I’m afraid of penises, but we both like to touch each other.”

“I mean, since we’re waiting to have sex,” he manages, pained. “Or at least, the kind that involves dicks and, ah, going places.”

She’s been around him too long, because without even missing a beat, she claps back, “Oh, I didn’t realize yours was having its own hero journey.”

“It has certainly felt a Call to Adventure,” he mumbles, “and a Woman as a Temptress.”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, a Meeting with the Goddess,” he amends, quick enough that she grins. “And once again, you’re trying to distract me. Though I thought it would more like ‘clothes I am missing’ instead of ‘Campell’s seventeen stages thesis.’“

“I’m sticking to what I know,” she tells him primly. “But I suppose I could tell you that, um, I’m not wearing a bra?”

He grunts, gutted. “Ohh, you are really just trying to make this difficult.” He adds, a little waspish, “All this trouble better be working for you, because it’s definitely working for me.”

“Oh, are you--” she swallows, hoping he can’t hear it-- “did you really want to try that?”

“Ah, I mean...” His breath comes sharp, short. “Yeah. If you would like to.”

Her breath catches. “I haven’t really, um...”

Done this. Ever. It would be so easy to say it, but it’s just-- belaboring the point. He knows. He just...thinks she’s a much better student than she is. At least about things like this.

“Listen, I haven’t...” He hesitates, and she realizes-- he’s embarrassed. “This isn’t something I’ve done with anyone before. You know I’m not really anyone’s...long term option.”

Grandad always says that she shoots from the cuff-- a nice way of saying doesn’t think before talking-- but she doesn’t regret it, not one bit, when she blurts out, “You’re mine.”

Obi’s breath rasps into the speaker. “Y-yeah. I know.” With a swallow, he adds, “And I know you think I have a lot of experience, but there’s a lot out there to try, and I haven’t even brushed the surface of it, you know? And I just thought, knowing you, knowing how curious you are...”

She blinks. “You mean...you’ve never been with someone long enough to, um, explore?”

“Ah, plenty of people would pick up Sexy Culinary Weekly up off the rack, but um--” he huffs out a laugh, soft and self-deprecating-- “you’d be the first to pick up a subscription.”

Shirayuki doesn’t like to pry, but for a good long moment, she considers asking for a list with some names. Just to talk, of course.

She takes a deep breath instead, trying to focus. “So you want to-- to explore with me?”

“If you want to,” he’s quick to say. “I know all of this is...new. I just thought since we won’t be doing a, ah, traditional progression here--”

“Traditional?”

He sighs. “You know, the uh, porn formula. Fingering, hand job, blow job, eating--”

“OKAY,” she yelps, clapping a hand to her face. “I get it!”

“Right, well, there’s a lot between what we’re doing and PIV.” She nearly giggles at how he says it, piv, like it’s a word and not an acronym. It's almost...cute. Like an adorable monster she could get a plushie of, instead of something that involved penises and could make her pregnant.

“And since we’re not doing any of that soon,” he continues, “we could, ah...take the scenic route. And maybe that would be a little less intimidating for you, since we’d both be new at...whatever we’re doing, instead of feeling like you had to catch up.”

Her heart flutters, and the warmth in her gut spreads up to her chest. “I think you’re mixing metaphors.”

“Sorry, I can’t think of cooking puns for everything,” he deadpans. “Think of it as not having to rush to read back issues, I guess.”

She hums. “I think you’re asking me to help with recipe development.”

“Well, if we’re going to embark on culinary adventures together--” he presses, voice bubbling like he’s trying to keep down a laugh. Several, if she’s anything to go by-- “then you should be comfortable with what your body likes before we add any...additional ingredients. You have to learn to do it the right way before we do it the easy way.”

“Oh,” she breathes. Obi was definitely starting to have a point about doing all this now. “Like New Math.”

“Wow, kid,” he deadpans, “really getting right down to the dirty talk.”

She flushes. Good thing he can’t see her. “I-I thought that was your job.”

He laughs, a rumble she feels right down to her bones. “You’re right. What are you wearing?”

She coughs. “Really?”

“I’m trying to set the scene,” he informs her, far too innocent. “This is a delicate shared fantasy we’re making. Wouldn’t want you to get thrown out of it because I mention panties and you’re wearing boyshorts.”

“I’m not wearing underwear,” she blurts out. “Wearing it overnight increasing the chance of yeast infections.”

Ah, there it is: the regret. It would be nice if she could just...not be like this. If she could just think through what she says when she’s nervous, instead of talking about diseased vaginas with her boyfriend while he’s trying to...make love at her, or whatever.

Now she has to contend with this endless silence, wishing that her mortification would at least dampen her desire even a little. Heaven knows they wouldn’t doing any recipe development tonight, after that. “O-obi?”

“Sorry, I just--” his throat makes a hollow thunk that echoes over the line-- “I got distracted.”

She blinks. “By what?”

“Thinking about how much I want to be there,” he admits, “and what I’d do to you if I was.”

“O-oh.” Maybe some culinary adventure wasn’t...so off the table as she thought. “A-and what would that be?”

A strangled groan tears between them. “I want to eat you out so bad.”

That-- that was not what she’d thought he’d say. “Really?”

“Yeah.” His sigh is strained. “You make such good noises.”

“You like it?” Her thighs clench, and oh, she wishes she knew what to do about it. “I figured it would taste...weird.”

Not that she’s ever tried. But she’s tasted blood (too coppery, bad texture), and well, boogers (too salty; thanks, childhood), and she can’t imagine that can taste much better.

“No,” he hums. “You taste just right. Are you touching yourself yet?”

There’s no way to explain she’s just been rating bodily fluids on a scale of most to least appetizing, so she settles with, “N-no.”

Now that he’s mentioned it, now that he’s reminded her that her body isn’t just some inconvenient appendage for her brain, Shirayuki can’t forget that it’s there. And she certainly can’t ignore the heat between her legs, or the way her skin feels as sensitive as flash paper, ready to burn up at a moment’s notice.

“You should do that,” he tells her, just short of a command, and ah, yeah, that’s sounding like a better and better idea every second. “What are you wearing?”

She’s out of cutesy stalling tactics. Or at least, she can’t think of any, not when her vagina seems to have a pulse of its own. “A tank top. And pajama shorts.”

“Sounds cute,” he breathes. “Put your hand down them.”

He doesn’t have to ask twice. Pubic hair crinkles under the tips of her fingers, scratchy against her palm. It’s wet too, tangling when she tries to slide further down so she just..doesn’t. “What now?”

“What do you usually do?”

He’s panting just the barest bit, and the sound of him already so undone is what spurs her to admit, “I, um, usually don’t do anything.”

“But you’ve tried before.” She should have never told him that. “What did you do then?”

“I, um--” she licks her lips, nervous-- “put my fingers inside?”

“Right away?” He laughs, and it’s fond, gentle. “No wonder you’ve never gotten much of anywhere. How about you just cup yourself now.”

She does. Little hairs wrap themselves around her fingers, coming loose, and oh, those always refuse to wash off later, clinging to her with the same tenacity as glitter. It’s comforting to feel weight there, at least, even if it clearly isn’t Obi’s. Still, it’s...vaguely unpleasant.

“I don’t feel much,” she reports, trying not to let her frustration leak through. Maybe she just isn’t cut out for masturbation.

“You wouldn’t,” he confirms, “you need to part your lips first.”

She nearly does, until she thinks better of it. “What does that have to do with--?”

“Not your mouth.” He’s barely covering a laugh. “Your other lips.”

“O-oh.” Of course. That makes...more sense.

Her fingers splay, parting her flesh, and ahh, there is...a lot more of her than she remembers. She’s read about lips blooming like flowers before-- mostly in the books Nanna likes to read-- but nothing had ever...blossomed down there for her before. But it’s definitely all petals and sepals now, if things like that were made out of flesh. She saw something like that once, on one of those Syfy shows her grans liked to watch when she was a kid--

She jolts as something slaps her hard, right on the breast, and oh, she’s-- she’s forgotten she’s still holding the phone. Or at least, she was. Now her hand is boneless, empty, and her screen has belly-flopped right onto her boob.

“Oh, um, wait.” She fumbles with it, one-handed, trying to find some place to put it. “I need to--I need to put down my phone.”

He hums, bemused. “Two hands would help.”

Shirayuki’s definitely struggling with one, that’s for sure. Her bedside table is too far for her headphones to reach without tugging; the bed itself is just asking for her to squirm her way to an End Call. She’s stuck discovering all this with one hand plastered in between her thighs, dipping between her vulva in a way that can only be termed distracting.

By the time she settles it on her pillow, far enough away to avoid any mishap via cheek smooshing, she’s practically panting. Maybe she needs to take up a sport at Lyrias; Mathletes clearly isn’t cutting it.

“Okay,” she sighs, dropping back onto her bed. “Now I’m ready. I am parting my...myself. What’s next?”

“Are you wet?”

Well, if she wasn’t before, she certainly is now. “I, um, think so?”

“All right.” His bed groans, like he’s shifting on it, and oh, how she wishes she knew what he looked like now. “Just start sliding your fingers around. You know where your clit is, right?”

“Yes,” she manages, squirming as she rubs at her folds. “I’ve seen a diagram before.”

He laughs, a low rumbling chuckle that sends a shiver down her spine, and yeah, she can take a real good guess at where her clit might be. “Don’t touch it.”

Her fingers still. “Why not?”

“You’re sensitive,” he tells her, so casual. “You get squirmy when I touch it directly. I mean, feel free to try...maybe you’re a lighter touch than I am. You could like it.”

She’s about to balk-- if it doesn’t feel good when he does it, she’s not going to do any better-- when his voice drops and he adds, “Tell me if you do.”

Well, let it not be said that Shirayuki doesn’t believe in science. Which is the reason she’s doing this. Hypothesis testing. Not because her boyfriend asked in a ridiculously sexy way.

With a steeling breath, she swipes her clit with the pad of her finger and-- y i k e s.

She grits her teeth, nerves still jangling. “Um, yeah, that didn’t feel great.”

“Too bad.”

With a sigh, she stretches her neck, hoping to get that raised-hackles feel out of it and-- oh.

Rum Tum stares down at her with his glassy black eyes, mouth stitched into its permanent smile. That’s really...not helping.

“Um.” Duchess Prettymane is next to him, head tilted in question. Calico Dog is definitely just...judging her. “Give me one second.”

With her free hand, she turns each of her stuffies around, placing them in a line on her window sill. They don’t need to see any of this.

“Okay.” She settles back into her pillows. “So I definitely don’t touch that. I just...touch around it?”

“Yeah,” he huffs out, amused. “But no rubbing! Long strokes, just barely brushing it, both fingers, one on either side.” She can hear his grin when he adds, “You like to be teased.”

She wants to protest that; she nearly does, but--

Her fingers skid over her folds, tracing just around the lip of her slit, stopping just shy of her clit, and-- mm, all right, he, ah, definitely has a point. This feels much better.

Still, she’s so used to Obi’s touch; he lingers in all the right places, calluses catching on her clit in a way that makes her writhe. Her own fingers are too tiny and her movements too awkward. She’s too wet too; as much as it’s definitely helping with the, um, sensations she’s feeling, controlling her fingers makes her feel like a contestants on one of those Japanese game shows. Just when she thinks she’s gotten it, when she’s starting to build to something interesting if not good--

“How is it?”

She nearly nicks herself with a nail. “Better when you do it.”

“Ah, I see,” he hums. “A pillow princess--”

Shirayuki has absolutely no idea what that means, but she knows she’s being teased. “No--!”

A thunk stops her mid-thought. Her hand snaps away from her shorts. “Did you hear that?”

“Kid--”

She eyes the door warily. “Do you think it’s Nanna?”

Obi smothers a chuckle. “I’m pretty sure that was just your phone.”

“No, I put it behind my--” she looks down, and oh yes, there it is, right on the floor.

“Oh,” she breathes, mortified. “Oh. Right. Just, um, give me a minute.”

It’s a tricky proposition trying to fish it off the floor. For one, her bed is high and her arms are short-- oh, she was so committed to the whole fairy bower aesthetic of lofting her bed when she was twelve, but now it’s really inconvenient-- and for another, one hand is contaminated with, um, juices, and though she doesn’t want to smear any of that all over her phone--

Well, wiping it on the sheets is a bad decision. Nanna’s nose is sharp, and if there’s one conversation she doesn’t want to happen, it’s why does you bed smell like sex, Shirayuki? She’s done well not getting grounded so far, despite the number of times Obi’s been caught shirtless in her room, but she knows better than to try to test her grandmother’s patience on it.

Shirayuki drops to her belly, elbow digging into the mattress to ground her. Her finger are just long enough to brush the screen--

“Hey kid,” Obi sighs, “do you actually want to do this?”

She yelps. Only a quickly placed hand keeps her from meeting her carpet face first. She does have her phone though. “What?”

“I thought that this was going to be fun and sexy, but now...” He grunts, uneasy. “It seems like I might forcing you, and that’s really not what I wanted to happen. If you don’t want--”

“NO! I mean,” she manages, throwing herself back on her bed, “you have a point. Even though I prefer you touching me by lot--”

Obi hums, too smug.

“--we can’t always make the time to, um, do that.” It’s be nice if the bed could just swallow her whole right now, put her out of her misery, but-- she wants this. She wants him, and part of that is having terrible conversations that make her feel like a five alarm fire in a fireworks factory. “And if we’re having trouble just a few houses away, I’m sure we’ll find a way to have it when you’re only a few doors down too. Which is fine, it’s not like I have to, um...”

He makes a noise, intrigued, and oh, she really hates how badly she does want to keep this boyfriend. If only she liked him less, then she wouldn’t have to talk about any of this at all.

“I just mean, sometimes I think about you when we can’t be together--”

“Sometimes?”

“You know what I mean,” she snips, annoyed. “Sometimes I think about you in a specific way and I get a little, um, stuck. And that can be frustrating. So it’s probably better that I learn this now, than--

“Wait.” He’s breathless, unfocused. “Are you telling me you’ve been all...stuck lately?”

“N-no!” That is really not what she wants to be talking about right now. “I mean, a-a little? Kind of.”

She can hear the rush of his breath through his nose, his long thoughtful pause--

“Do you need some inspiration?” He’s eager, voice tight and nearly winded. “Purely above the waist, of course.”

It occurs to her that he means pictures; pictures of the adult variety. The yes leaps to her lips, but oh, what if Nanna saw it, and--

“Here, one sec.”

He’s not joking; barely a second later her phone buzzes, snapchat informing her that Obi has a new photo. She frowns, flicking open the app, and -- oh. Yes. That was. Definitely not there a few moments ago.

He’s naked from the waist up, lounging in a pair of gym shorts, his legs spread wide where he sits, and-- “Are you, um...?”

“Hot?” he growls playfully. “For you, yeah.”

“Hard,” she blurts out, since she never misses an opportunity to make a fool of herself. It would be nice if her curiosity could take a vacation for a day or two. Give her skin a break.

“Oh. Um. Yeah,” he grunts. “I mean, I’m trying to get you off, and I’m think about touching you. Sort of...a natural response.”

“But you aren’t touching yourself?”

“We hadn’t really talked about that,” he murmurs shyly. “This is supposed to be about you. I didn’t want to get distracted.”

“Ah...” That place between her legs throbs. She snakes a hand under her waistband, and oh, they’ve barely lost any ground at all. “You should.”

“W-what?”

“Touch yourself,” she tells him, running her fingers over her folds. “I think it would help.”

“Oh.” She might as well have hit him for the way that bursts out of him. “I didn’t--”

“I can give you inspiration too.” She whips off her tank before she can think better of it, struggling when she realizes, no, one hand will definitely not be enough to get the job done--

And then it’s nothing to take a picture, or to send it. A few taps and he’s choking, “Did-- did you mean to send this to me?”

It’s then that it strikes her: she just sent a naked picture to her boyfriend. Well, a half naked picture, but for what he could see she might as well have done the whole thing.

“Oh, is that-- is that okay?” She drags her safe hand over her face, sweat clinging to her palm. “I should have checked--”

“Yes!” he pants, half wild. “Yes, this is okay, Very, very okay. I just...you really want me to use this? For, uh, jacking off?”

“Could you?”

“Haah,” he breathes. “Yes. God, your breasts are so good, babe. And your face...”

“Then yes.” She licks her lips, nervous. “Please.”

“I don’t really need the help,” he warns, “I’m a real pro at this.”

“I want you to.” She doesn’t know how she says it without even a stutter. The thought of him touching himself like that, knowing that he’s thinking of her, just her-- “I want you to touch your-- you--”

“Really, kid, you don’t have to--”

“Cock.”

Just saying it shakes her up like a soda can, ready to burst, and she almost wishes she could take it back, that she could unsay half this conversation-- until he groans; the frantic slide of clothes loud from his end of the phone.

“What do you-- what should I--?”

He sounds so lost, his words hardly above a whine, and that’s the only reason she’s able to say, “I want you to, um, stroke it?”

“Yeah, I am-- I am already there, babe,” he assures her, voice throaty and strained. “You’re touching yourself too, right? You’re wet?”

“Y-yeah.” She slides her hand under the band, and ah, she hadn’t know it was possible to be wetter, that her thighs could be slick nearly to the edge of her shorts, but here she is. “I like hearing you. I-I mean...after graduation, when we went to the field, I--” she licks her lips, mouth so dry-- “I really wanted to hear you come again.”

“Jesus. Fuck.” His mattress creaks, distressed. “That was-- that was two months ago. You could have just--” he hisses, so sensitive-- “god, I would have come for you anytime.”

“Could you?” It comes out coyer than she expects, far too confident to sound like her, and she nearly apologizes, until he-- he--

He whimpers.

“If I asked really nice,” she hums, fingers skating along her folds, clit pulsing with how much she wants this, wants him. “Could you come for me again?”

He groans, pained. “Y-yeah. I could definitely arrange something.”

“Now?”

“Shit. Fuck.” He moans, but it trails off into a laugh. “Definitely won’t take long if you keep this up.”

“Good,” she sighs, pace quickening, her fingers daring to loop ever closer to the crux of her problem. “I want to hear you. It’s been so long...”

She hesitates. Obi is always the one to tease, and her the one that squirms away, the one that needs to be cajoled back into the scene, but now--

Well, the shoe is on the other foot isn’t it. “It’s been so long,” she says again, only this time she lets her voice go breathy, lets it linger on the cusp of whine. “Don’t make me wait, Obi...”

He doesn’t.

“Fuck,” is the only word he manages before he’s groaning, whimpering, making every sexy sound he can at once as he comes hard.

“Haah,” he moans, breath heaving. “That was-- that was definitely not how I expected this call to go.”

Shirayuki stills her fingers, mouth slanting into a smirk. She’d always wondered how Obi could watch her orgasm and not want to do it himself, not need to do it when she’s dying every time, but-- now she gets it. She may not have come, but there’s something supremely satisfying in watching-- no, listening to him fall apart instead.

“Oh?” She still sounds coy. Like Obi does every time she goes half-blind from the force of her own climax.

“You didn’t come, did you?” He’s put out, and she can tell his eyebrows are drawn, that his jaw is set. “I could--”

“No, no, don’t worry about me,” she assures him. “I’m fine. Besides, we have to get up tomorrow.”

“Ah, fuck, right. Senior Day.” He sighs. “All right, fine. But next time--”

“Next time,” she agrees. “Though I really enjoyed this time too.”

He makes a noise that sounds like dying. “Yeah, well, that’s great, but I’m not the one who needs to learn how to get off like a champ. But whatever,” he sighs, “we have all the time in the world for you to get it.”

Her chest warms, and she smiles against her pillow. “Right. I’ll see you tomorrow? Bright an early?”

He groans. “Yeah, yeah. Bright and early. Good night, kid.”

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: Ghosted!

Halloween Havoc returns! Lori is haunted by a ghost and brings in LIncoln and Clyde ot fix things.. only to find out he’s actually the beloved school mascot and must enlist Lucy and her crew of goths to help her. The bar from the overlook hotel, 1900′s disco, and Boris, the best loud house character i’d never heard of all insue. All hail boris, and prepare for full review with spoilers. under the cut. 

We’re back! I’m sorry this is a week late. This is both due to having a LOT going on.. as well as my own fault for pushign this review back to do a review of the first episode of Starkid’s “Nightmare Time”.. only to have to push BOTH back after I was unable to finish this weeks’ Ducktales on Monday because I ended up having to get off it so my mom, who works from home, can use it, and because AT&T is an utter nightmare we’re thankfully leaving, so if nothing else that will hopefully never be an issue again. 

TLDR: I kept putting this one off, didn’t realize this week’s episode was in fact on this week, and now I have to get 5 reviews done in the span of three days: I have this episode, this week’s loud house, the amphibia halloween special, and reviews of Ducktales “The Duck Knight Returns” and the first darkwing duck episode “Darkly Dawns the Duck”. 

I kid, this blog will end as I too hope to end.. taking rusty and Zach with me. But i got myself into this mess and i’m getting myself out of it. I will get these done even if it kills me.. my ghost can then take care of the two fictional children. ON with the review!

We open at Fairway University. 

I had to. Lori is practicing for the big tournament coming up.. which normally would have me super excited as tournaments are my shit... but we’re not talking two people beating the shit out of each other, wether it be for the sport of it, because their master told them to, because one of htem is a demon who will end the world, or because their loved ones will be murdered if they don’t beat people up as a team for demons, nor people playing card games for their grandpa’s soul, or a grudge caused by an abusive childhood that leads to a battle over gods inside trading cards, or because the school decided why not, or because you need to both keep your godlike dragon that’s also in a card and your friends safe, or.. you get the idea. I love Anime tournaments in what anime I have watched. Me watching or reading of those is like coke to me... a golf tournament however?

Yeah i’m not big into non-wrestling sports in general, let alone one where hte main action is a ball went really far. I mean it IS impressive a golfer can do that and accuratley no less, that’s some Hawkeye level stuff, it’s just not for me. I do HIGHLY enjoy mini golf, and mini golf episodes as both simpsons and gravity falls episodes on that are a good time. I mean any episode that gets flanders to say this is worth at least one watch. 

And thanks to fond memories of my grandpa using them to get around his carnival, yes my grandpa owned a carnival and yes it was great and yes he was a great man and I miss him every day, and carting me around in them. If it were street legal i’d have one. And finally I LOVE happy gilmore. While Adam Sandler took a turn, and hopefully Hubie Halloween is a sign that long national nightmare is over, that film still holds up and is still REALLY damn funny. And by this point your probably wondering what the hell my point is.  Well the hell my point is is that in light of me liking golf related things for weird reason despite praying for death but death won’t come at the thought of watching actual golf, I love fairway university. I love the fact that a golf based college is credible, I love the fact it goes so far in it’s theme that the text books are all golf related, the dorms are all weirdly golf themed, and students apparently can get an arnold palmer at any time of night. I also assume the dorms have on demand streaming for happy gilmore and caddyshack, and a genisis with a copy of lee carvillo’s putting challenge.  Back on the actual episode at long last, Lori is putting in some driving practice and facetiming bobby. The reason the tournament is so important is that she needs to beat the evil elf Malketh at golf or else Suryr will end all life... I may of been reading walt simsons’s thor lately but admit it you would watch that. No it’s more mundane than a fire giant trying to commit universal genocide: Being the only freshman on the team, as in that good, if she dosen’t do well, she might loose her scholarship. Granted I DOUBT they’d take it away after one game, but it’s understandable why she fears loosing it: She can’t afford college any other way. Her parents finances are spread among 11 kids who all live comofrtably and while every loud would gladly give things up so she could go to college still.. Lori wouldn’t accept it. She’d be grateful.. but she wouldn’t have her family be miserable for her sake, even if it’s her dream. This is her one shot for the career she wants and loosing this would destroy her. Even if she’d still have Bobby.  But Bobby is pulled away because his customers are annoyed.. and by customers I mean just Vito.. the rest seem fine despite the line, who complalins his spumoni is melting... because apparently he can’t just have bobby get him a fresh one as Bobby would be happy to do because he’s made of pure joy and it was nice seeing him. Though I do hope to see him in college himself next season. It is WEIRD having the casagrandes season 1 paired with a season of the loud house taking place months later.. and having the halloween episode for season 2 show up months ahead of season 2 itself. 

But soon Lori has bigger problems than Bobby having to go or crushing loss... after consulting the school gopher, because the dean apparently really loves caddyshack as ANY dean of a golfiing school should. I forgot to mention it above but I freaking love that movie too. Good stuff. Back on point, Lori soon gets stalked by a g-g-g-host! And nope this ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco, this ain’t no fooling around.. nor is it a scooby doo esque scheme. This is an actual ghost. Represented by a ball of light but .. yup they went there. And look I get the show breaks from reality a lot: Luann acts like the silver age joker once a year and gets away with it, Lisa gets up to dexter’s lab esque shenanigans on an episodic basis, and Girl Jordan isn’t part of the group despite clearly sharing their intrests and being intrested in both lincoln and stella.  There are stretches in reality.. but mostly for humor or because it’d make a good plot. Most of the plots are grounded in reality: From Luna’s entire romance arc, with her insecurities and her and sam’s worries about each other, to Luaan’s nervousness about her first kiss, to Lincoln and friends having to learn that sometimes a girl dosen’t want to date you just because their nice to you, to Lynn learning not to be a dick and hten forgetting it overnight because this show hates me, the show grounds wacky shenanigans in relatable slice of life stuff. It’s what makes it and it’s sister show work so well. Grounding the exagerated comedy with likeable relatable characters. IT’s what works.  Why I bring this up is this and family bonding show a possible trend of the show getting into more bizzare stuff. A ghost here, a secret agent there.. it means the loud world can get as insane as it wants and the reason I bring it up is simple: Is that a GOOD thing. And my opinon, it CAN be if used right. With Family Bonding the fact there are Secret Agents is just.. casually mentioned. Like yup james bond esque spies exist and have weather dominators and an 11 year old just stopped them. It’s just.. treated like a normal thing when it’s not. Here.. a ghost showing up.. is treated like someone suddenly finding out ghosts are fucking real. Lori slowly comes unraveled a bit as the first few minutes go: She deals with seeing a ghost glow on the range, having the ghost drop books on her in the library, and having it serve her an arnold palmer.. in what genuinely looks like the bar from the overlook hotel from the shining. 

I get it’s a deliberate shout out, especially since it’s bartender is a ghost. But it just raises so many questions: Was it a concidence or did whoever put this bar in really love the shining? Did he want teenagers to murder their wives and children? Did he? Is this building haunted and not just by the genearl ghost that haunts everything? Did they take this from the overlook since it didn’t burn down in the movie? Does this mean shining and loud house are the same universe and by the same token so is community and the casagrandes? WHy is a tea with lemonade called an arnold palmer? But yeah after breaking down in her room Lori can’t take being stalked by a ghost and does what 80% of people in a paranomal activity film take too long to do and calls a ghost hunter. Specifically clyde! And to my shock this is apparently the first time the two have interacted since season 2! And it shows.. their on perfectly fine terms, to the point she has his number and they can talk like humans. I like it.. it’s subtle. Again wouldv’e appricated the episode where he got over here being more finte, but still, this is better than him either passing out in his own master roshi esque blood or trying to get her to leave bobby because bobby is a saint. The worst he’s done is break up with someone because her brother made his sister cry, when none of that makes any sense but he’s dumn and noble enough i’ll allow it, and telling sergio never to come back, which his show framed as a bad thing but really I would two after two minutes with him. 

She called Clyde because he’s the brains behind the outfit... but Clyde has her on speaker. Wah wah wah. Their watching ARRRGH! The ghost adventuers style show that showed up in an episode I never saw but read about. Wah wah wah indeed, but it was apparenlty made up. Why their still into it I dunno, but apparently argh ghost blasters ARE ACTUAL LASER GUNS. This show has gone enitrely off the rails and i’m fine with that. As long as it’s funny. But seriously who gives out actual proton packs I ask you your just asking for some kid to blast himself in the face. But yeah Clincoln McCloud is on the case. And while i’m still annoyed they didn’t bring at least two more friends to play ghostbusters, presumibly stella because she’s the compitent one and Zach because he could NOT belivie in something for a change and tha’td be funny. I know i’m beating a dead horse but it dosen’t HAVE to be all or nothing with their friend groups. You do know that right writers?

I mean I get only using them here as opposed to family bonding, but still, if you can use LIam outside of his episodes you can use the rest of them.. and I don’t even like Zach but he’d be in his element here. It’s not complicated but it is frustrating.  Anyways the boys and Lynn Sr arrive with Lynn Sr making a scene.. which embarasses Lori but i’m on his side here. His oldest went to college. She left the nest. It’s a lot. Plus she apparently hasn’t visted home yet so he misses his baby. Just accept it. She also asked the boys to be subtle about their ghost hunting which does not work at all. Lori you knew who you were asking for this. It’s like asking Sterling Archer NOT to be sarcastic, loud and slightly hammered. It’s part of the process.  Natrually hyjinks insue as our heroes chase the ghost with the most... on this campus.. and end up shaming him into leaving. Yes really. Clyde even says that’s what usually works on him. Oh Clyde.. if that were true you would’ve stopped trying to break up two people clearly in love with each other for your own benift, you twit.  So problem solved right, ghost busted, no more stalking and no lori turning into a monster and ushering in 80 sequels with no real resolution right? 

Yeah I mean this is a half hour special. Everyone at Fairway starts playing off, and it turns out because they realized the ghost was missing. Yes.. everyone knew the ghost was real. Thankfully given this is a halloween episode fairway isn’t some kind of rosemary’s baby, midsommar, herditary, paranomal activity , god a lot of movies use this death cult scenario. That we’re aware of Lori may just not be the target. The team captain takes Lori aside to explain things: They normally don’t tell freshman this until after their first game because the plot says so, but Fairway has a ghost. And again what makes this work is the guy does realize people might not belivie this and while normal for the students of fairway, it’s not normal for everyone and they might not belivie in it.  But no turns out the ghost is beloved 1900′s era Caddy, Shanks Bogey, who in the moment that cemented him as a legend singelhandidly helped Fairway to a big comeback in their first tournament ever, and was given a permanent positoin after graduation. Because they train caddy’s here too which makes sense. And now his ghost lives there too and still helps to this day. OR did anyway. Now why he coudln’t of told her this or why they don’t check to make sure one of the students dosen’t bring ghost hunters around or an exorcist or ash williams?

This episode already runs on nonsense i’m just going with it. Point is LOri’s hair’s falling out, more apparenlty, from the stress as she retreats into her hoodie.. Clyde gave her one to protect her because ARRRRGH! is really freaking shameless apparently. While LIncoln dosen’t know how to put a ghost back luckily Lucy has the mortuariy club over and LIncoln sends them over. Also Lori dosen’t want dad driving them, but Lincoln was on speaker which.. yeah Clyde I might get, the only person he’d probably want privacy with is his girlfriend, he and Lincoln have the exact same running crew but lincoln has 10 other people int he house who may eevesdrop.  But hell yeah, it’s my first Lucy episode on the blog and my first with her club period. For Lucy she IS one of the sisters I like I just haven’t checked out her episodes since season 2,a nd that’s my fault and something I intend to correct. She’s adorably, hilarious in her creepiness, and endearing in how she feels ignored at itmes.. because she is. They also ALL can apparently do her suddenly sneak up on people batman schtick as they all pop up on lincoln when he mentions a ghost. But yeah I love she has her own adams family esque group of goths, and that one of them is a Haiku from an earlier episode. While he and clyde hitting it off went nowhere it IS nice for the show to actually bring back an earlier character they entirely forgot about. It’s very rare for them. 

But yeah I already like these guys, arriving in coffisn and accidently sending my new faviorite borris flying.. a boy who talks like dracula, looks like an orlock and talks in the third person, though he ends up completing a cheer pyramid, because as an intentional joke or not, fairway , a school for a sport built on quite conversation... has a cheers squad. But hey we get boris talking about his hollow bones and cheering out of it so we’re good. 

But now the goth gang can get down to business. They try the obvious first a séance which.. yeah if bill and ted and beetlejuice have taught me anything, Seance’s can only end in friendly ghost murder. Granted unlike Otho I think Lucy knows what she’s doing, I just don’t want Shanks to die. This dosen’t quite work as while there is some bubbles it’s just Froggy 2 who apparently goes here when he’s not with adelaide. Good for him, getting some higher book learning. That’s rare for frogs. Though the faces on the Club are priceless as they are adorable. 

Plan B is to set out Shank’s faviorite food, Ferminted Bean Meal.. which yes is both to set up a fart joke and may or may not exist. He also liked pigs in a blanket, which is a good gag. Lori asks why theyd idn’t go with that I say they simply did because these are professional Goths, and they will always go for the weirdest option possible. It’s who you signed on for lori. You could’ve just called the fentons at the start of this but no, no crossover for us. And yes it’d be butch heartman free but as far as I’m concerned he can go fuck himself for, most among a LARGE pile of him being a jackass, promoting faith healing seminars that among serious illnesses.. include autisim, aka equating what I have to things like alhimers and cancer. No joke there just screw him, don’t screw danny phantom it’s great, moving on.  They intend for shanks to eat it but Lori’s teamates do instead as does the one club member who has weird hair that really unernves me. I get it’s supposed to be spider like but still, the rest of the club is really well designed, including him minus the hair. Why this why. They all get stomach poisoning and blame Lori for it despite, you know, eating strange food left in the middle of campus which is never a good idea, as it’s either someone’s elses or possibly spiked. What did you think was going to happen? Lucy’s last ditch effort is partying like it’s 1900. We do get the club and lori in top hats and canes with presumibly pocket’s full of miracles. So that’s neat. But it fails thanks to the cheerleaders coming in, boris very much included. Lori is desparing,.. until it turns out the disco ball which broke offers a mirror to the other side.. and thus where shanks is.. at the graveyard just off campus. Haiku finds this school creepy and wants to go there. Me too little sister, me too. 

Lori opts to go alone.. while this shit terrifies her, understandably, it was her mess and she needs to clean it up.. even though him not explaning himself to her or anyone else did this I don’t know if he can talk so fair enough. He can however caddy obviously as Lori gives him a heartfelt apology, and then plays a round, with him helping.. though apparently returning her ball also opens a doorway to hell. Go figure. Great gag though especially lori’s casual “that was disturbing”. He dosen’t give a sign he’s coming back though. Then we cut to the game.. with no real sign lori told anyone anything.. was.. was a chunk cut out of this episode or did they just run out of time? I dunno it’s jarring but the game is down to her, and Lori ends up in a sandtrap with the sun in her eyes. But luckily shanks returns! He llfts an umbrella for her. Again I think it’s less that he’s inconsiderate and more that he’s mute.. or maybe he’s just a jackass I dunno. We don’t know enough about him. Point is Lori wins, her scholarship is secure and her family is cheering her on.. well okay her family in terms of lincoln, clyde, because he counts dammit, and her parents the rest of the girls minus lucy are absent because they needed room for her club. Whose in the sun somehow. Lori wins, Boris does an exorcist head spin, and Lucy feels he’s lost to them. I mean.. he has to go home.. unless he dosen’t have one... which is probable. Man now I want a fairway spinoff even more.. I mean just give lori and bobby an off campus place, have leni and her two friends move in, maybe throw in carol and have boris living in a hole in the backyard and we’re good. Please nick, greenlight this. I will write it for you just give me the go ahead. 

Final Thoughts:

This one was okay. As I said the reality breaks are fine if their used for good reaosn, but I felt the episode put Lori though a bit much. She hasn’t been unsympathetic in so long, and she has a genuine heartwrenching reason to want to do well and is terrified of shanks. It’s not her fault no one told her. I mean that should be in the brochure “We have a ghost but he’s a casper ghost and not a gozer ghost so your good”. I mean the fact Jack Fenton HASN’T come blaring down the campus is only because he already did that and is banned from campus. that and he drove through the comisary.. like through both walls. The Fenton Van is thick.  Point is lori goes through a lot of pain and humilation for no reason. It also feels like a two parter put into one half hour: The first half has a problem that’s seemingly solved only to have a cliffhanger with Lucy coming in as the solution. That being said I aboslutely love the mortuariy club. Why they can’t repalce spider head with rocky I don’t know, but otherwise I love em. Especailly boris who i’m fine with him staying at fairway as long as I get that spinoff> The Clyde and LIncoln antics are just “ha ha their mech dosen’t work”.. when they still have rayguns as part of the merch, though I do appricate that them running out of power is set up: Their guns discharge as a running gag so it’s no suprise their out by the time our heroes need them. And Clyde’s line about shame and guilt “Just like me!” was gold. This dosen’t really have the missed opprtunity smell of family bonding or strife of the party, it did fine enough and the scene of lori and shanks playing golf was really sweet.  It really is just okay: Not AMAZING, but not terrible. I’ve seen much worse already this season, but the creative halloweeny premise, fun with the goth gang, and general weirdness of fairway make it a hole in two. Not a slam dunk but still fun. Just because an episode is mostly okay dosen’t make it bad.  If you liked this review follow for more, as I have weekly coverage of ducktales and loud house and ocasionally the casagrandes and later today should have, space and time permitting, reviews of the new loud house, the new amphibia, and later this weekend some darkwing duck. Until then stay safe, stay spooky and happy halloween. Play us out white stripes!

[artificialqueens]

Come on Baby, the Laugh Is on Me (Biadore) - Tanawrites

A/N - hey all! First time writing for this pairing so feel free to leave any constructive criticism, I honestly would love to hear any feedback as I’m my own beta at the moment. Using Bianca (she/her) and Adore (she/her) just because they’re in drag for the most part but am a firm believer of switching to he/him when they’re out of drag.

SUMMARY - AU in which both queens had never entered RPDR and met through doing the same gigs instead. Young, new drag queen on the scene Adore Delano can’t help butting heads with Bianca Del Rio, a self-proclaimed old seasoned queen who just doesn’t have the patience for her. Somewhat based on the comedy challenge in season 6 where Adore bombs (if Bianca had stepped in and helped her recover).

-

“Bianca!”

Only a well-trained hand stopped Bianca from jolting and smearing her otherwise perfect line or worse, stabbing herself in the eye in response to the sudden yell. Her hand drew away, eyeliner dangling midair and her eyebrow raised as much as she dared before her set.

“I have another twenty five minutes to get ready and you know an old hag like me needs every second of it.”

“The new girl, she’s dying out there.”

“And? Welcome to drag, queen.”

“C’mon, Bianca. She needs help and they’re all your regulars out there. Just go out, say Adore is a good friend of yours and everything will be fine.”

“Lying to the people. How original. Like the men in wigs weren’t enough, now we have to pretend to all be ‘sisters’ as well.”

A heavy sigh and a few more strokes under her eye, Bianca stood up and shooed past the show-runner. She pushed through a few layers of curtains, ignoring how closely the organiser was following behind her, practically jabbing her in the back with his clipboard to hurry up.  She’d like to see him walk faster in heels with his dick taped between his ass cheeks.

To put it bluntly, as she often did, Bianca didn’t really like Adore. She didn’t like the little to no effort in appearance, the blasé attitude, the different approach that these younger queens were taking to drag with. Where she came from, drag was hard work and you only succeeded at it if you were willing to put the time in. Not just stumbling in hungover from the night before and hoping things would work out.

She didn’t feel responsible to help the younger drag queen either. It had been a long time since she’d been booed off a stage or people didn’t laugh for her jokes. That didn’t mean it had never happened though and that was a big part in learning for Bianca. Builds character to not always be adored, she thought to herself.

Since the younger queen had started popping up at most of Bianca’s usual gigs, she hadn’t heard of Adore flatlining though so she knew something about tonight must be different. The audience usually ate up listening to Adore curse, dance around the stage in whatever baggy yet revealing outfit Adore liked to pass off as “grunge” and her usual skit about pizza, party, being a chola from Azusa.

Nothing seemed unusual about the way Danny had rushed into the dressing room ten minutes before he was supposed to start and hurried about transitioning into Adore. Then again, Bianca wasn’t paying that much attention to him to pick up on anything that was wrong. That wasn’t personal though, just how Roy always got ready. Quietly and methodically as he painted his face into Bianca.

Pressing one hand gently to her hair, Bianca took another second to check her appearance in the small mirror on the wall before she was taking the microphone that was pushed rather unceremoniously towards her and stepping out onto the stage as well.

“Well, well, well. Who the hell do we have here?” She rasped into the microphone confidently, truly letting Roy take the backseat as Bianca commanded her usual spot as centre of attention, moving to where Adore looked visibly uncomfortable.

That’s your first mistake, Bianca noted, showing any kind of weakness allowed the few hecklers Bianca could still hear from the back of the club feel like they had an opening. She couldn’t help but feel a twinge of something close to compassion for the young queen as she spoke directly to the hecklers, telling them to shut up or at least fine tune their insults to be entertaining. These bastards could be rough sometimes and hell, she was just a kid once as well.

It only grew when Adore went to make her way off the stage, her expression clearly distraught. And who wouldn’t after having the next drag queen come on stage early but Bianca wouldn’t accept that and quickly intercepted. She slung one arm around Adore’s waist - uncinched waist, she noticed with a hint of amusement at how much confidence this young queen seemed to have and sent a quick reassuring wink that was purely for Adore before turning back to the crowd.  

“I see you’ve all met my friend Adore Delano but have any of you heard her sing?”

-

After Adore’s and her own set’s time was up, she found herself still cackling at something Adore had said in their goodbye as they made their way backstage.

She didn’t know how they had gotten through the rest of Adore’s set as well as the entirety of her own as a duo but it had felt natural to keep going with the rhythm they’d eventually found together. Once Bianca had prompted Adore to sing, it was like the curse had broken immediately and the audience were back to practically worshipping the air Adore was breathing. She didn’t blame them either - Adore was mesmerising to watch perform.

Honestly she was surprised Adore hadn’t thought of it herself - Bianca wasn’t afraid to admit that Adore could truly sing. In fact, it was the only compliment she’d ever given Adore. After the first night she’d watched her on stage, she couldn’t help but applaud with the rest of the queens as they de-dragged at the end of the night when Adore walked in. The kid certainly had a set of lungs on her so Bianca couldn’t work out why that wasn’t a go-to for her when she couldn’t win over the crowd.

Bianca was more surprised how well their humour bounced off each other though. It was all too easy to poke fun at the younger queen because she’d been thinking most of it for months now. She felt herself softening as Adore served the banter right back to her though, not expecting such a sharp tongue. She was impressed. As much as she was known for being old and bitter, she was fair as well and would give credit where credit was due.

“I can’t believe that just happened.” Adore looked back at Bianca, clearly still feeling the adrenaline of a well received show. It was cute, Bianca had to admit to herself as she followed closely behind Adore.

“What part? Where you somehow forgot your whole script or the fact that you’re actually funny? Because I can’t believe it either,” Bianca quipped back but the smile she said with it said she was more amused than anything.

Apparently it hadn’t phased Adore either way though because she was still grinning from ear-to-ear as she slumped into the chair right beside Bianca’s in the dressing room.

“No seriously dude, that was awesome. Like I was totally drowning up there but we were so good.”

Bianca couldn’t help a small eye roll as she sat in her own chair, already bending to release her feet from the tight constraint of her heels.

“Some nights the crowd just aren’t picking up what you’re serving to them so I’m glad I could help, queen. You were great after you got out of your head.”

Then before she knew what was happening, she felt long arms curling around her shoulders and a barely combed wig against her cheek.

“Really, thank you for coming out there with me. And letting me totally hijack your set too. It was cool of you, so not like what we all say about you.”

Bianca laughed at that, reaching around to rub Adore’s shoulder a few times before they pulled away. “Don’t mention it. Seriously, don’t. Everyone will be up my ass to come perform with them if you start squealing.”

Adore looked like she had more to say but Bianca watched her expression change a few times, almost like she was reconsidering what to say each time. Bianca didn’t give herself a moment to consider her own thoughts, not wanting to read too much into them, before she was leaning forward to catch Adore’s gaze in the mirror.

“How about we do this, we get the fuck out of drag and I’ll take you to this bar down the street a bit. The first drink is on me.”

It seemed like it took a second for the offer to sink in for Adore and Bianca could understand, she hadn’t exactly been accommodating or particularly warm at all. So she was relieved when a smile, sweeter than she’d seen on stage or even towards any other queens when they were having a kiki after a show, broke across Adore’s face and she nodded.

“Okay, we’ll do it. Get a move on then, Delano. This clown make-up comes off a hell of a lot quicker than it goes on.”

[falafel14]

El Camino Review: “Dude, you’re my hero and shit.”

 Where to start? (Bitch). 

Okay so I loved that Mike was the one who gave Jesse the idea to start over in Alaska. Jesse’s determination to follow a path that Mike recommended for him felt like he was desperate to honor one of his very last memories of Mike, which felt like a very Jesse thing to do. Then there was Mike’s line about how Jesse can never put things right. It’s the one thing he’ll never do. And when Mike said that I couldn’t decide whether he was establishing that Jesse’s redemption was impossible or just calling his redemption an impossibility so that Jesse could subvert expectations. In my heart, I wanted the latter. But I got the former. So was I disappointed? Actually...no. We’ve lived with the��Choose-your-own-Jesse-Pinkman-ending thing for the last six years. I fan-ficced my own Jesse resolution and that gave me closure. Now I feel like I’m getting to see Vince Gilligan’s own personal Jesse resolution that he needed to give himself closure. And Vince’s choices are very different to mine, but understandably so. Vince is the one who personally made all those creative choices to put Jesse through the worst kinds of Hell (not me, I didn’t do that shit...). So after years of torturing this character so excessively I can understand why Vince needed to deliver his most abused creation to a place of peace and safety (Alaska apparently).     

And if I couldn’t get a redemption story for Jesse...well, at least I got one for Skinny Pete! Damn. Skinny has always been my favorite of Jesse’s friend circle and this film solidified why. Like Jesse, Skinny’s another smart compassionate guy who could have amounted to so much more if he hadn’t fallen into the drug world. The moment when he called Jesse his hero brought me to tears. I mean Skinny never saw the worst of Jesse’s crimes, but this line suggested to me that regardless of what Jesse had done, Skinny always saw Jesse as an impressive, admirable and decent person. And that was fucking lovely. It was heartwarming to see characters like Old Joe prepared to help Jesse out purely because they remembered him as being a good kid. But Skinny’s the one who risked his own freedom (”I’m on probation, yo!”) to give Jesse a chance to escape. So here’s hoping that your mad piano skills are discovered in prison, Skinny Pete! Oh and Badger’s lines about Skinny’s driving had me howling - “You couldn’t drive Miss Daisy!”, “You couldn’t drive Thelma and Louise off a that cliff!” Vince, if you want to write a straight up comedy next, then I’m here for it.      

Skinny Pete aside, I’d say my favorite parts of El Camino were the flashbacks. I mean...who knew we were going to get so much fucking Todd? And you know from my fanfic that I wanted the full horror of Jesse’s time as Todd’s prisoner/pet explored and...yes, it was every bit as horrific as I had expected. And yes, I feel terrible for laughing so often at Todd’s cheerful oblivious psychopathy. I wasn’t laughing all the time though. Who knew that the most heartbreaking line of all Breaking Bad canon was going to turn out to be... “Pepperoni”? Let’s just get it out of the way and say Aaron was devastating once again as Jesse Pinkman and is surely set to win a fourth Emmy for this role. And if Aaron’s going to be in the lead category this time, could we get a supporting actor nod for Plemons? Because DEAR GOD, he was blood-chillingly brilliant as Todd.

Then we have these two fuckers back together again. I knew they’d have to bring Bryan back in some way and Jesus, if you’d asked me to pick any missing Walt and Jesse moment from canon that I’d like to have seen...I swear my first choice would’ve been the journey home from 4 Days Out. This was the last time Walt still had his humanity, the last time we had juvenile “Yeah bitch!” Jesse and the last time before their relationship was so horribly poisoned by betrayal. Just before the mess of Combo’s murder, then Jesse’s heroin spiral, then Walt letting Jane die that they never came back from. It was just so wonderful to go back to a time when you could see these two genuinely cared for each other, even while being the most hilariously dysfunctional odd couple (”I totally graduated high school, dick!”) I never thought I’d get to see Bryan and Aaron acting together as Walt and Jesse again, especially this version of Walt and Jesse. It was a gift. This scene alone made the whole of El Camino worthwhile. 

Which is not to say the rest of the BrBa movie is anything shabby. While it is a getaway story rather than a redemption story, it still had me on the edge of my seat. Man, I love that Vince is such a merciless writer. Like, normally in a movie when your antihero character is in a room hiding from police, the writer will give you a moment of tension then allow the character to slip away. But Vince is all nope! The worst is going to happen. Jesse is going to get caught and worse still those guys aren’t even real cops but men who were complicit in his kidnapping ordeal. Man! And I love how Jesse gets a moment of being a badass when he judged that the Kandy Welding guy wasn’t going to shoot him, but then we get him being a dumb dipshit thinking he could call the bluff of the Disappearer guy. And yet it all felt consistent because Vince’s writing and Aaron’s performance have always balanced Jesse’s smart and stupid moments so well. And while I personally didn’t want Jesse to commit further crimes and get more blood on his hands in his bid for freedom, I can’t begrudge Vince going all the way in making Breaking Bad a contemporary Western complete with its own gunslinger quick draw scene. That was awesome (”Dude, you’re on fire...”)

Did I love everything about El Camino? No. Like Felina was for Walt, Jesse’s resolution did feel a little overly neat. I didn’t really want the Vacuum repair guy to be the solution since Saul had stressed that Jesse would only have one shot with him. The guy then giving him a second chance but being persnickety over the exact money felt like a contrivance. Also, I didn’t like Jesse screwing over his parents again. I know that Jesse’s folks could be dicks, but still. Lastly, the letter to Brock. It was pure fan service, I know. But if the moral of this story is - ‘Jesse doesn’t get to make things right’ - then he shouldn’t get to write a letter to Brock either. Because what could Jesse possibly say that would make things better for Brock now? I have to say, that beat didn’t feel earned for me. 

Finally though, I will say I liked the choice to end on the Jesse/Jane scene. As with the Walt flashback, this comes just before the end of S2 and the last hope Jesse had of a happy ending. Because I don’t really feel like Jesse’s new life in Alaska will be happy from now on. I feel like Jesse will always be lonely, scarred, self-loathing, guilt-ridden and haunted. He’ll never escape who he has been. But the message of Jane’s last line seemed to be simply telling Jesse to be his own master from now on, which I suppose is a good mindset for a guy whose biggest downfall was being too easily led. Did Jesse redeem himself for his crimes? No. Could he have ever redeemed himself for his crimes? Probably not. Do I think Jesse should go on suffering? Nah...leave him be. 

[bangstanfics]

A Second Chance at Love

MASTERLIST (Graphics Coming Soon)

We like to believe that love conquers all, but that isn’t always the outcome. In these cases - time, money, power, wealth, influence, social status, etc. seem to out-power love. In the case of true love, however, these individuals always find a way back to each other. This is their story.

[Reincarnated!AU series]

Each story is prefaced with a short prequel, to give you a glimpse into the characters first lives and what ultimately went wrong in their relationship.

Namjoon ✩ Pieces of You

↳ Author!Namjoon, Assistant!Reader, Employer x Employee!AU      ↦ fluff, angst, smut  ✩  ↦ word count:

You are the personal assistant to the famous Kim Namjoon, a world renown author, unofficial philosopher, and part time professor at the local university. He’s that one guy that’s everyones type, including yours. But he’s your boss, so you’re not suppose to have feelings for him, especially since he has a girlfriend.

    ➥ Prequel: No, WAY

        ↳ Vacation!AU, SummerFling!AU               ↦ fluff, smut, angst  ✩  ↦ word count:

Paradise. It’s the only place you wanted to escape to during the summer, to get away from the hectic city life you were raised in. After months of researching and planning, you finally get away to a secluded island where you can enjoy as much time with yourself as you want. At least... that was the plan. What you didn't expect was to have a hot summer romance with a fellow traveler. But there’s something off about him this stranger that you can’t quite put your finger on... 

Seokjin ✩ Kitchen Wars

↳ enemies to lovers!au, SousChef!Jin, SousChef!Reader      ↦ fluff, comedy  ✩  ↦ word count:

There’s a new sous chef in town and his name is Kim Seokjin. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but you hated the guy. The way his plush lips would turn into a smile in front of everyone, before curling into a smirk in your direction. Or the way he would offer you backhanded compliments at your food. Perhaps, the biggest reason why you hate this man is because despite all your mess ups and imperfections, he always found a way to make your chest feel tight with the way he spoke thoughtful advice and encouraged you to get back up and try again. 

    ➥ Prequel: Recipe for Disaster

        ↳ Chef!AU, Enemies to Almost Lovers!AU               ↦ fluff, comedy, slight angst  ✩  ↦ word count:

You and Seokjin were mortal frenemies. First meeting in culinary school were a heated rivalry was born, and now two sous chefs working in harmony at the same restaurant. The rivalry was shrunk to playful banter, until the head chef announced his retirement within the following months, forcing his two sous chefs to practically compete against one another in oder to earn the title of the next head chef. You and Jin both agreed to have a friendly completion, but when your drive to reach your dream got in the way, the only thing left on the menu is a recipe for disaster.  

Yoongi ✩ Cuffing Season

↳ enemies to lovers!au, mafia!au, producer!yoongi, officer!reader      ↦ fluff, angst, smut     ↦ word count:

As rewarding as your job was, it came with A LOT of stress. After all, putting criminals behind bars was as dangerous as it sounds. Especially when your unit was focused on taking down the biggest mafia group in town, Bangtan. After months of dead ends, you finally get a tip that you think will finally take Bangtan down. All that’s left is to infiltrate their group, collect enough evidence, and then arrest the members. Simple, except... did your chief mention that the one going undercover is you?

     ➥ Prequel: The One That Got Away

         ↳ Mafia!AU, Friends to Almost Lovers!AU                ↦ angst, fluff, mostly angst  ✩  ↦ word count:

It’s not like he wanted to push you away. No, he was doing it for your own safety. With his line of work, Yoongi knew eventually you would get caught in the line of fire. The pushing was never intentional, but he never realized how far he had pushed you away until you were falling in the arms of someone else. 

Hoseok ✩ Shadows of the Earth

↳ Angel!Hoseok, FallenAngel to Human!Reader, Frenemies to lovers!AU      ↦ fluff, comedy, angst  ✩  ↦ word count:

It doesn’t matter how pure or righteous your soul is. After being down there for so long, any beautiful soul is bound to become tainted. However, a new system has been established to allow people like you a chance at redemption. Your soul will be reincarnated into a human body and you must live a moral life in order to reclaim your position up there. It wasn’t a bad deal, after all you were wholly good at point in your existence, right? Being human proves to be not as difficult as most make it seem to be. The most challenging part however, and what your advisor failed to tell you, was that you would be assigned an angel to keep an eye on you and make sure you stay on the right path. Of all the angels you could have been assigned, you just had to get Jung Hoseok, the dick of an angel that got you stuck in Hell in the first place. 

    ➥ Prequel: Light of the Sky

        ↳ Angel! AU, Best Friends! AU               ↦ fluff, comedy, slight angst  ✩  ↦ word count:

You are an angel, literally. Living your mortal life dedicated to helping others earned you a spot up there. Of course, even as an angel some thing never change, such as your mischievous and playful personality. You always manage to rile up the straight-laced head angel, Hoseok. You thought it was all in good fun until one day you accidentally take your prank a little too far. 

Jimin ✩ Calls of the Heart

↳ Future!AU, Dystopian Society!AU      ↦ fluff, angst, smut  ✩  ↦ word count:

In the future, civilization doesn’t have flying cars or robotic servants, instead we have advanced technology to the point where we can determine who your true love is. Your ideal match, perfect in every way - including the health of your future children. The system is flawless, we’ve convinced society. You thought so too. There was no way you wouldn’t be paired with your best friend, Park Jimin. 

     ➥ Prequel: Be Mine

          ↳ Unrequited Love! AU, Best Friends! AU                ↦ angst, more angst, ends with angst  ✩  ↦ word count:

You had been in love with Park Jimin for as long as you could remember. And so one day you said, fuck it, and decided to confess. You wrote him a poem, eloquently expressing how much he meant to you and the nonexistent boundaries of your love. You thought it was perfect, until he read it and thought it was from her. His long time crush, and the third friend in your close knit group. The next punch to the gut came when she took credit for the poem and the two began to start dating. How could you break up such a happy and lovely couple? And so you took a back seat to their whirl wind romance, watching their love story play out, until the very end. 

Taehyung ✩ Baby Fever

↳ College!AU, Student!Reader, SingleFather!Tae, GradStudent!Tae      ↦ fluff, comedy, smut  ✩  ↦ word count:

You love kids, which is the ultimate reason why you were on the road to becoming a pediatrician. Your road, however was paved with sleepless nights and periods of ineffective study sessions thanks to the nonstop crying of your neighbor’s baby. Finally fed up with your inability to retain information, you barge next door to confront the family, only to find a sleep-deprived, single father who has no clue on how to take care of a baby. And so your adventure as a full time student and part time parent teacher begins!

     ➥ Prequel: The Best Medicine

          ↳ 1900′s!AU, Nurse!Reader, Father!Taehyung, Friends to Lovers!AU                ↦ angst, fluff  ✩  ↦ word count:

The year is 1918 and an outbreak of the Spanish Flu has caused an epidemic throughout the nation. Doctors and nurses alike rush to aid the ill and heal the sick. Being a nurse during this time was a stressful job, but rewarding as you helped saved countless lives, including the child of a single father. 

Jungkook ✩ Chasing Stars 

↳ College!AU, Student!Reader, Fratboy!Jungkook      ↦ fluff, smut, angst  ✩  ↦ word count:

All you wanted in life was to inconspicuously help people and make a difference in the world. You had big dreams and were prepared to spend every aching moment of your existence to pursue that dream. Your meticulously planned out life is in for a rude awakening when resident frat boy Jeon Jungkook can’t seem to stay away from you. 

     ➥ Prequel: Ode to Safe Travels

          ↳ Historical!AU, Knight!Jungkook, Princess!Reader                ↦ angst, nothing but angst  ✩  ↦ word count: 4.8k

It was a forbidden romance that was bound to end up in tragedy. You both knew that, and yet that didn’t stop you from falling hopelessly in love with your metaphorical and literal knight in shining armor, Jeon Jungkook. This fairy tale, however, does not end with happily ever after because soon, your secret affair was discovered. Fearing the worse for your freedom, Jungkook takes the blame and is faced with the ultimate punishment - death.

[hell-heron]

Romeo and Juliet - Globe production 2009

So, as I think every Shakespeare person on this site, I've spent the past few days rewatching my favorite parts of this over and over again, but only now I've decided to talk about it a lot more in depth and watch all of it. So, did I like it? Yeah, I have to say I expected to like it more because the clips I had been able to watch a while ago were mostly featuring Ellie Kendrick's Juliet's solo scenes which are imho the highlight of the production.

The only comment on this I read from someone whose opinion I trust mentioned there is a lack of chemistry between the titular characters and thst the romance comes off as kind of too childish and silly. Now, it's probably because my opinion of the ideal chemistry is quite less sexually charged than most people, but I only partly agree with this. For example, the lark scene was definitely underwhelming (tho I liked the little preamble where Romeo stares, obviously scared, out of the window and Juliet reaches him as the chorus sings) and the courtship sonnet just average, but the balcony was exceptionally good, Zeffirelli levels even, a perfect balance of flirty humor, passion, tenderness and enthusiasm, also helped by the fact both actors decided this was the moment to be a bit more natural in their acting and drop the... Comedical conceit? I'm gonna elaborate a bit more on this later, but anyway it was very good. There is definitely some tonal issue with the romance, but imho it's more due to the overall inability of almost anyone in this cast to play in a tragedy than romantic chemistry: these kids would have played Beatrice and Benedick just fine.

It's very clear that the director's intent in this was to highlight this play's overlooked comedic influence and, while I appreciate it... Eh it's a bit of a mixed bag. I like highlighting the humor and snark that is already present, especially the two lovers', I kinda enjoy the comedic servant character, some scenes were done in a really nice and original way, but unfortunately it also means everything after the duel falls really emotionally flat. The deaths in particular were hard to watch. I also think Tybalt was underused in this sense and was way too serious (sooo sad because the actor is really pretty and seems good tho he was given fuck all to do) while Paris should have been less comedic, given that the fact this doesn't cut the sexual-harrassment-in-church-scene (THANK GOD) makes him REALLY sleazy and a legitimate threat for Juliet. Though I love the scene where the Capulet's have to basically passively aggressively kick him out of the house.

Another noteworthy point is that the script cuts almost nothing, a few scenes are shortened but all are present. Personally I find this great as I am a big fan of a lot of scenes that are often unappreciated and cut - the aforementioned conversation between Paris and Juliet, the scene were Juliet complains about the nurse being late, a few Bencutio-inclined scenes etc. However they really could have used to skip a few purely comedic scenes involving the servants, and the prologues, seriously? The prologues in the year of our lord 2009?

There's also a little added bickering between Lord and Lady C about whether to have the wedding on Thursday or Wednesday to make fun of Shakespeare fucking up the timeline, which is obviously awkward and unnecessarily but lord do I respect the principle.

The costumes are good, imho, a bit plain/stiff in some cases. In particular I'd like to know what possessed them to have gray as Juliet's main color. But for the rest they look nice, especially Lady C's, Nurse's and the young men. I also appreciate that Juliet wears blue and Romeo red for the wedding, it's really pretty and symbolic, and that there's a difference made clear between everyday clothes and the nice ones for the party or the wedding for Romeo too. I also love his ball headdress of twigs and feathers, very cute and fairylike.

Now - the characterization. As I mentioned I was extremely pleasantly surprised by Ellie Kendrick's Juliet. She's the first actress that I think captures Juliet's snark and feeling of like... Overwhelming urgency and intensity. When she says on the balcony that she's incapable of being as coy and poised and careful with her feelings as other girls, it's believable, when she complains about old people being slow and acting like they're already dead compared to her warm youthful blood and passion, it's... A bit mean as teenage girls will be, but believable. One thing I love about Juliet how Shakespeare wrote is that she has a lot of these little character touches that set her apart from a Stock Romantic Maiden and she really makes it shine more than any other actress. My issue is that her portrayal changes very little through the play: in some cases it works well even in heavier scenes (for example the conversation with Paris and then with Friar Lawrence has such fervor and bitterness to it, I love her little snarky huff when FL doubts she will have the courage to go through with her plans) in other it really doesn't. The poison speech is really, really jarring, I know her speeding up like crazy is meant to convey anxiety but she doesn't really make it come across imho, and she shows almost no emotion in her death. Points added for the Gallop apace fiery footed steeds speech tho, it's really charming and mischievous ad I loved it. She also does surprisingly well with the reaction to Romeo's banishment despite not being usually good with sad scenes

Now, Romeo... Romeo seemed really mediocre to me from the clips and then he grew on me, but he's quite strange. In most of his scenes he seems... Uhm, too dramatic? Too conscious of the fact he's acting? Which I don't know if it's meant to be reflective of Romeo's personality or simply the actor's style. I could appreciate it as a characterization choice if he started acting more naturally after meeting Juliet and dropping his Unrequited Love Angst (which he does for a while), but then for some reason he goes back to it, to the point where the duel with Paris and his death is the worst offender. So it's really unclear what he's doing. His best scenes are definitely the balcony, the conversation with Friar Lawrence (such genuine affection and complicity! This production does GREAT at establishing the kids' relationships with their surrogate parents, I wish it was more common) and his conversation with the nurse, which coincidentally are those where he acts more natural. In these scenes, he comes off as really sweet, enthusiastic and outgoing but a bit awkward. Real quality facial expressions. Again, feels believable when Mercutio says "now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo!". I have a ridiculous soft spot for the moment where he tries to make the "Young Romeo will be older when you find him than he was when you sought him out" joke and it falls completely flat and Nurse just stares at him weirdly.

Overall I appreciate the intent of the actors to give the lovers more of an individual personality than usual, but they take it too far and don't drop it at the appropriate moment

Now, for the secondary cast. Nurse is great, one of the best in the cast for ability to play both comedy and tragedy I think, I liked Lady C's characterization, more bumbling/distressed/trying and failing to parent emotionally inept mom than the usual Slutty Wine Mom which is starting to honestly bore me, Friar Lawrence is really cute and I love they gave him his speech about flowers. The prince is completely forgettable, Lord C a bit too bumbling to be intimidating imho, the Montague nonexistent. I already talked about my issues with Paris

Passing to the boys people actually care about here:

- Tybalt unfortunately doesn't offer much to like. He's very serious and poised and mhh just lacks feral energy. His scene with Lord Capulet is good but the fights are nothing special. He gets slapped by Lord C also :/

- Benvolio is cute! He gets a bit more frat-boyish characterization which is nice after all these tiring nerdy cinnamon roll too pure for this world portrayals, and he's very distinctive from Romeo. I think there's also great Bencutio chemistry here, they had some great scenes in the one after the ball where they look for Romeo together and the "more than prince of cats scenes". The first in particular, featuring the drunk boys trying and failing to make rhymes to conjure Romeo, is one of the better accomplished comedic scenes. Unfortunately there's not as much mileage to take from the "Thou art as hot in thy mood as any Jack in Italy" conversation, he doesn't get mad about it :/. For the rest I like his part in the opening fight and his anger at Romeo in the post-duel scene. Also he's green-coded which is nice

- Mercutio... Agh. So there's a similar problem here as with the lovers, acts great in more light toned, underrated scenes but the main ones are somewhat underwhelming. All the Montacrew conversations are delightful, he's very expressive in his gestures. The aforementioned Bencutio scenes are great and so is the one with the nurse, tho I wish he didn't kiss her, it's not really necessary to resort to sexual harassment to show him as an annoying dick. However there are some points where he comes off WAY more bitter than necessary at Romeo's romantic exploits and ??? People are aware you don't HAVE TO code him as in unrequited love with Romeo if you don't intend to do anything with it, are they? (tho they do have a very cute scene where they lie on the ground together and snuggle as they banter) However, the queen Mab speech and the duel, which are the most important, fall very flat. He can't make up his mind on whether the queen Mab speech is a breakdown or just a ramble to show off his wit, and the Montague boys definitely react like it's the latter. He shows some very nice anger in the "I talk of dreams" bit tho. Overall it's weird and seems boring, too long

I need to have a full paragraph to talk about the duel because it's imho one of the most botched scenes. It's overpowered by the drums, confusing and chaotic not in a good way. Tybalt doesn't seem very interested in fighting Mercutio, nor the other way around, Tybalt seems actually almost uneasy and like he accepted because he was embarrassed to refuse. However this doesn't reflect in the actual fight, which is very violent where this would make me expect a Zeffirelli-like, playful and dramatic duel that goes tragically wrong. Mercutio's death is fairly cold, save for the plague o'er both your houses line which is always awesome, and maybe i influenced by the musical but there's a strong lack of reaction and affection from the Montague boys, they don't touch or hug or even like... Cry or anything. I do like Romeo and Tybalt's duel, in particularly the fact it's mainly a fistfight, to emphasize how much rawer and realer it is than the first one - tho again, because the first one is more violent than warranted the contrast loses a little in strength. There's also no emotion or reaction whatsoever from Tybalt at any point which is a little weird given how this started.

Romeo's reaction is also not great. He's mainly angry, although understandably, doesn't seem to feel guilty or sad at all about either Tybalt or Mercutio. He also repeatedly punches Tybalt's corpse, which... This coupled with the fact they keep him killing Paris, but not the scene where he talks to Tybalt's corpse in the crypt is a little weird. I know some people like to play Romeo's arc as a descent into darkness with him losing his principles and natural gentleness as he's pushed off the deep end, and I'm not necessarily opposed to it, but I don't think anyone involved in this has the capability to handle that well, so it just seems strange and out of character.

He does break down a little in the following scene with Friar Lawrence, but still he doesn't seen particularly mad about anything but his banishment. I do love how he emphasize his feeling of betrayal from his One Trusted Adult tho.

So, overall I really like this. Great cast, some wonderful ideas, very vivid and fun to see. I just wish they could have balanced tragedy and comedy better because literally all the issues come from there

[writhingcreature]

The Entertainment's Here by AJR for Klaus Hargreeves.

So I've never heard this song, and I LOVE IT! Gonna take this lyrics by lyrics so bear with me as I hella jump around.

"But, oh my oh my God the entertainment's here. Everything is suddenly amazing here. Sit back man, relax man."

Okay so when I first heard this line, I thought he was talking about himself which is a good take so let me explore that first.

Klaus hates being serious. He deals with everythng by laughing and preteding there isn't a problem and getting drunk or high or both to block out the trauma and the weight or his power. He's the fun and the lightheartedness in a famly determined to be serious and lame. He probab;y was that kid that everyone got annoyed with constantly, like the whole "Beep beeo Richie" thing where they'd constantly tell him to shut up and roll their eyes. No one takes him seriously... which can actually be really hard to deal with. As time passed, it got harder and harder to stay happy so he began drowning himself in temporary fixes because he honestly believes that his whole family hates him and wouldn't even notice if he disappeared (which... kind of happened) and he's just the comedy relief. That's it.

Second take: the song obviously uses "the entertainment" as the drugs and alcohol, in the context of Klaus Hargreeves. To get a break from thinking and stressing and to finally let loose a little and relax and have a slightly better time, he ignores everything else and falls into the consuming, destructive familiarity of ignorance and dehabilitation, because if he's uncapable of doing anything, no one will ask him to take part in all the hardship and chaos and bad days.

Both hurt oh no my baby

"I used to be distracted by my favorite song. I loved it very much, I made the song my alarm. And now I kind of hate hearing it every morn' - Don't wake up anymore. I don't wanna be bored."

First of all, please imagine with me little Klaus boogying and everyone can't help but smile even after they get annoyed and the song is banned from the house. Even when he's just humming it or replaying it in his head, he's adorale and goofy and it's so refreshing, considering their usual life. Adorable and precious I love it.

But then like Reginald is a fucking dick and goes off on Klauss because he's stressed and what better way to get rid of stress than to burn it by abusing the kids put in his care am I right? (No I'm not right I just needed to clarify: I'm being sarcastic). And suddenly the song is totally ruined and everytime Klaus hears it it gives hi anxiety, even after his dad dies. He doesn't hum anymore, or play songs he likes out loud. He only wears headphones, whih is why he VIBES SO HARD int he first episode, but also why he does it alone. It's nice to be able to dance again, but he also deeply fears being annoying while doing so. Cue: solo dancing, even though he's used to places like clubs where everyone jams together.

"I used to be distracted rolling 'round in the dirt, but recently I'm thinking 'bout my purpose on Earth. But I don't wanna think about my purpose no more, because it may come up short. Man, I hate being bored. I've been thinking, that too much thinking can start me sinking down."

Oh my god Reginald having to round up Klaus and constantly going off about how he's dirtied his clothes. HC that he and Ben used to do a lot of exploring and adventuring and goofing around before Ben's accident, and it was like that scene from those old movies where the old caretaker would go off about how the young girl played with the boys and got her dress dirty and THAT'S NOT HOW LADIES ACT POLYANNA except Klaus is trying desperately not to laugh.

After Ben passed, Klaus didn't go exploring anymore. Reginald was relieved to see that his lothes were always clean and pressed- dirt and wrinkle free. After Ben died, Klaus spends his time instead wondering if he'll be there for all his siblings' deaths. What his own death will be like. What will happen to Ben if he ever died. What the purpose of his power is if all he does with it is try to turn it off. Imagine him trying to get rid of Ben, and the pain it puts them both through as he screams and cries and begs Ben to disappear but neither boy can get rid of the other, because for some reason they're tied together now.

"You don't even gotta use your brain from here. Just sit back man, relax man."

Oh so um after Dave dies... Klaus spends an unhalthy amount of time thinking about what life would have been like if they'd managed to survive the war and live their lives together, or if Klaus could have somehow figured out a way to bring Dave back safetly to Klaus' time.

He wonders what their house would have been like. What kids they might have adopted, or pets they would have had. What it would have been like to wake up next to Dave in bed as the sun came through the window and Dave's hair is all messy and soft and his arms are curled around Klaus and his face is kind of squished but in this really adorable way. He thinks about maiing meals together, or kissing each other goodbye quickly as they head off to their respective jobs. He thinks about telling Dave about his power and them learning how Klaus can cope with it in a healthy way. He thinks about those times he woke up from nightmares, and wondered what it would have been like to have Dave be there to comfort him. To have Dave to talk to. He wonders if Dave would go exploring with him again like Ben used to. He wonders what the others would have thought about Dave. He wonders how Dave would have gotten along with his family, and Klaus with Dave's. He wonders how much easier the battle of life would have been with someone to fight it by his side...

And then he has to stop thinking because it's just too much.

"I used to be distracted by my burgers and shakes. I'm running out of things that I can do with my day 'cause I can only eat so many times in a day til I'm bored again, and I'm stuck in my brain. You wonder what they did before inventing the phone. Yeah, how could anybody face the quiet alone?"

Okay so you know that diner Five goes to when he first comes back? The one where he fights the dudes and it's to Instnbul and it's like the coolest fucking thing ever? I super HC that they used to go to it together when they were kids. Grace would take them, and it was like a clip from that 80's movie, where people would gawk because oh my god it's the Hargreeves but also no one would interrupt them for the most part because they looked so happy. Sometimes they'd take the food home and have a little party in the kitchen to avoid fans completely, and that's the only time the Hargreeves house was ever full of laughter. Reginald would be gone or too busy to waste time rangling in kids, and it was pure fun and happiness and teasin and joking around.

Then Five disappeared.

Then Ben died.

There wasn't much laughter after that.

"I'd rather be in Vegas than my very own home. Yeah, my cash will be gone, but my mind will be blown"

This is... very straight forward. Yeah imma stop there oof very bad feelings. Fuck Reginald Hargreeves those kids deserves so much better jesus christ

[brokehorrorfan]

Blu-ray Review: Night of the Creeps

When a boutique label announces a new Blu-ray edition of a cult film that has already received the high-definition treatment with a great transfer and a variety of special features, said label must go above and beyond to entice fans to double dip. Scream Factory did just that for the Night of the Creeps Collector's Edition Blu-ray, producing several new extras to accompany the existing ones, along with two cuts of the film.

Night of the Creeps kicks off with a prologue set in 1959 aboard a spacecraft, where aliens - or, more accurately, little people in foam rubber alien suits - shoot a mysterious canister into space. Playing up the 1950s sci-fi tropes, the film briefly turns black and white as the canister lands on Earth. Johnny (Ken Heron) and Pam (Alice Cadogan) cut their necking at Lover's Lane short to explore the crash site, where they discover parasitic slugs that pop into a host's mouth, turning them into lumbering zombies. Oh, and an escaped mental patient is on the loose too.

The film cuts back to color for pledge week of 1986, where we meet geeky college kid Chris (Jason Lively, European Vacation) and his goofball best friend, J.C. (Steve Marshall). In a fairly progressive move, J.C. is physically handicapped without it being a plot point, although it helps for him to live vicariously through Chris. The friends pledge for the coolest fraternity on campus in an effort to impress a pretty girl, Cynthia (Jill Whitlow, Porky's). Unfortunately for them, Cynthia is dating Brad (Allan Kayser, Mama's Family), a stereotypical frat bro. To prove their commitment, the Bradster challenges Chris and J.C. to steal a corpse. The smitten Chris convinces J.C. to help him break into the local medical facility, where they thaw out Johnny, who has been cryogenically frozen since the incident three decades earlier. The small town is soon infested with space slugs.

Genre legend Tom Atkins (Halloween III: Season of the Witch) co-stars as Ray Cameron, who was a rookie cop that responded to the scene back in the '50s. Now he's a detective on the case, and he achieves Bruce Campbell levels of acerbic humor. From his "Thrill me" catchphrase to lines like "What is this: a homicide or a bad B-movie?" every word out of his mouth is pure gold. It's no wonder that Atkins cites it as his favorite movie that he's been in; quite impressive given his resume and the caliber of talent with which he has worked.

Beyond Atkins' scenery chewing, the rest of the cast seems to be having just as much fun. The chemistry between Lively, Marshall, and Whitlow is palpable, with all three perfectly assuming their archetypal roles. It's amusing to see Kayser removed from his sitcom persona to play a mega-douche. Several other genre favorites and character actors are in the cast: Suzanne Snyder (Killer Klowns from Outer Space) has a small role as a sorority girl; Dick Miller (Gremlins) pops up as a police officer; David Paymer (Drag Me to Hell) plays an ill-fated scientist; and filmmaker Shane Black (Iron Man 3, The Predator) has an uncredited role as a cop extra.

Much of the credit for Night of the Creeps' success goes to first-time writer-director Fred Dekker (The Monster Squad), who embraces the picture's B-movie roots with his tongue planted firmly in cheek. Dekker names many of the characters after famous horror directors of the era (Carpenter, Hooper, Romero, Cronenberg, Landis, Raimi, etc.); a tired, amateurish trope now, but it was a fun tip of the hat back in '86. Dekker is in on the joke, as the pastiche of genre cliches are deconstructed in loving homages to the greats that came before it, and he elevates it with ample heart.

The practical effects - ranging from decomposing bodies to heads that split apart - were headed by David B. Miller (A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Terminator), with Robert Kurtzman and Howard Berger of KNB EFX Group (Scream, From Dusk Till Dawn) working under him, and Ted Rae (Game of Thrones, Beetlejuice) handling the animatronics and visual effects. (All four of them appear as frat zombies too.) The film features cinematography by Robert C. New (Prom Night, Lionheart) and an ominous synthesize score by Barry De Vorzon (The Warriors, The Exorcist III). Steve Miner (Halloween H20, Friday the 13th Parts 2 and 3) served as second unit director.

Night of the Creeps originally hit Blu-ray from Sony back in 2009, when studios still invested in their library titles. Scream Factory's new Collector's Edition features the same sharp transfer, but the two-disc set includes both the theatrical and director's cuts of the film. They're identical with the exception of the final coda, but it's nice to have the option rather than merely including the alternate ending as a deleted scene. Scream Factory also offered a now-sold-out deluxe edition with an action figure of Atkins' character produced by NECA and an exclusive slipcover with new art. The standard retail version has its own slip with the poster artwork. Both versions include reversible cover art.

Let's start with the new extras: Lively, Kayser, Heron, Snyder, and fellow actor Vic Polizos, plus editor Michael N. Knue each sit down for individual interviews. The cast members are all fun as they look back on the production fondly (although Kayser's audio quality is distractingly poor; it sounds like they had to use the on-camera microphone rather than a boom or lavalier), while Knue adds a particularly interesting perspective. There's also a new installment of Horror's Hallowed Grounds, in which host Sean Clark is joined by Dekker and Lively for a walk down memory lane at the shooting locations as they appear today.

Beyond that, all of extras from the previous edition are ported over, including two audio commentaries on the director's cut. The first, featuring Dekker and moderator Michael Felsher of Red Shirt Pictures, is loaded with information but comes across as casual. The second, a high-energy track with Lively, Marshall, Whitlow, and Aktins, clearly illustrates the camaraderie among the cast; Atkins can barely get a word in edgewise among the chatty actors, who seem to gleefully regress to their younger selves.

A five-part retrospective covers the making of the film with many of those who were involved, from inception to cast to special effects to post-production to its legacy. The documentary totals just about an hour; my only gripe is that it doesn't have a "play all" option. A career-spanning, 20-minute interview with Atkins finds the veteran actor discussing Creeps along with such fan favorites as The Fog, Escape from New York, Creepshow, Halloween III, and Lethal Weapon. Finally, deleted scenes and the theatrical trailer are included.

Night of the Creeps holds up as a fun horror-comedy with a youthful spirit; the likes of which could only be borne by the '80s. Beneath the campy veneer lay a healthy dose of atmosphere and impressive special effects. Perhaps most importantly, Dekker - who, at only 26, was not far removed from the main characters - was able to inject a John Hughes-esque sincerity and authenticity to the story. The plethora of special features, both new and old, make Scream Factory's Collector’s Edition Blu-ray worth the upgrade.

Night of the Creeps is available now on Collector’s Edition Blu-ray via Scream Factory.

[soundsandnoises]

Slam Dunk Festival 2019: SOUTH, Hatfield Park (26/05/2019)

I was extremely anxious about this one. I was usually going to the one in Midlands, knew the site inside out. Knew how to get to the festival, where to stay, etc. Made it easier to focus on music. This year I worried about so many things, like if I bought right ticket to right Hatfield (can't count the amount of times I actually checked maps, infos and trains, still wasn't enough). I'm not a fan of big train stations and King's Cross ain't a small nor easy for first, second and third timers. It can be quite overwhelming, but what's the fun in it when it's simple, right? Then there was a question of – what gate leads to festival site. Or where to buy a coffee - that one was left unanswered, Sunday morning and relatively small train station (for a change) didn't help.

And then there was... waiting. Before the main gate opens, before the actual festival site opens... Longest three hours full of wondering, while people gathered in a constant flow in space between wristband exchange and gates, green grass was replaced by black blur of people.

But, but... As soon as it opened and I could start realizing my plan: get to the chosen stage, see the first artist, enjoy. I could relax. And that was the leit motiv of this day (maybe except the part where I felt like thirst in Sprite commercial during Busted intense and punk as fuck set when I was fighting for survival, but to be fair, even then I felt so alive and... happy).

I was in for a treat after all and it started perfectly with William Ryan Key opening on Marshall Stage. I would love to hear his material, but I understand his choice to play Yellowcard's songs. Fans surely appreciated the acoustic nostalgia floating through surprisingly sunny morning/midday. There was a bit of a technical hiccup at the beginning, but other than that things ran smoothly.

Milk Teeth took over on the adjacent Dickies Stage. Faster. Louder. Wake up Slam Dunk. Sunny day or not a mix of moody grunge and raw punk energy should do that to you. Make the crowd sit down just to make them ask “Why the fuck are we sitting down?!” seconds later. It's a rock show! But clearly Milk Teeth captivated the audience enough to pull pranks like this.

Hot Milk didn't have easy on The Club Key Stage, 'cause people started to gather for Busted and tent was packed, yet their Left side was in for a fun gig and soon enough young rockers won hearts over with their 'non compromise, everyone's invited attitude'. They were all in, mixing pop, punk and lacing it with electronic samples – nothing better to make you bounce, dance and have a good time.

Quite right warm up for Busted on the Right side of the The Key Club Stage. The tension, the anticipation was hanging thick and heavy over people's heads. The excitement exploded with joyous scream when boys appeared onstage. Boy, I didn't expect the madness. My body wasn't mine for most of the gig, pushed and shoved in random directions as the crowd waved under the tide of moshing, crowdsurfing and bouncing quite randomly. But it was strangely beautiful, the mad joy of people screaming out the lyrics. This was absolutely fabulous surprise act (clearly the cat was out of the bag on Saturday when it turned out that mysterious Y3K was in fact Busted). Slam Dunk did slam.

Then I've had a bit of a change of the scenery with As It Is on the main stage (Monster Energy Stage). I understand the appeal, 'cause it was truly engaging performance. Powerful speeches, truly humble spirit and very positive attitude (they even turned smashing an acoustic guitar into a good deed; after the hardcore version of the song, instead of acoustic one as they teased before guitar was obliterated, Patty [Walters, singer] explained that they'd donate the pieces for a charitable cause). Oh, and show worth a slot at the main stage – emotional, catchy, monumental at times, intimate.

Waterparks brought the green (backdrop, Awsten's hair, security outerwear) and crazy (emanating from both band and extremely devoted fans). Crazy in the best kind of way, the one you lose yourself in the music, the one that makes you happy, the one that courses through every inch of your body. Add funny banters and Awsten's cheeky charisma. The response from green clothed fans was overwhelming to say the least. Strong unison singing every word, mad screams and constant wave of crowdsurfers. What a show.

Simple Plan took over the refreshing and pop rock vibe taking the crowd to the beach and sunny holidays with their beach balls flying over the crowd and summer hits' tunes. Canadian rockers made people jump, yell shamelessly 'dick', sing along. Nostalgic mood mixed with excited screams, they wouldn't be themselves if they didn't joke around (basically rock and comedy show in a price of one). Their youthful approach was and is always something that moves mountains and brings fans to them.

Neck Deep didn't waste a second to establish their rule over the Monster Energy Stage after Simple Plan. Faster, louder, reach to the punk rock roots, start that mosh pit, oh but hold that thought here's Natalia Imbruglia's 'Torn' cover for you, let's feel like it's 90s again and if you don't know it, you lived under a rock. But basically keep the energy flowing, keep it up, keep in coming.

But rock music has so many names, so Hellogoodbye (back in Marshall Stage) was a interesting change of gear, leaning towards indie, electropop and all the weird and beautiful things between them. Oh, how I danced, danced like no one was watching, my face with stupidly wide grin from the sparkling, positive energy I was coated in. Audience was advised to drink pure distilled water, distilled from potatoes (wink, wink). Basically it was a party. Or maybe the party? Well, I was glad I stumbled upon it and stayed.

Touché Amore on Dickies Stage tore the air with growl which seemed to be an appropriate reaction for heavy rain that came down. But their music must have had some magic in it, 'cause soon clouds separated and sun started lurking through them. Or maybe they just had the sunshine with them all this time and brought some from L.A.. Heavy was the music, hardcore stage presence and singer's presence, front barrier seemed to be more appropriate place to scream words than small stage that frankly couldn't contain their energy.

I wasn't even close and I could hear Lights' powerful voice echoing through The Club Key Stage. Tiny figure with flame coloured hair was ruling the stage, voice clear, loud and soulful. Her music taking the best bits from rock, pop and electronic genres was a catchy blend to dance. Her vocals are phenomenal.

One of the band's I was really looking forward to see was Plain White T's (yes, yes, they played 'Hey There Delilah', 'course the did) and I loved every minute of their show [on Marshall Stage]. Indie pop/ indie rock with bits of samples was exactly what I needed, it was my kind of show no matter the time of the day. I could enjoy the music and not worry about being hit by half empty cup with beer (although it was funny to hear the story of crowd starting the biggest moshpit to 'Hey There Delilah', 'cause the band was on stage before Metallica, to be honest it's no the first time when I hear or experience the audience going absolutely bananas to the slowest song, so the story is even funnier), move to the beat. New staff had these nice, not too much electronic touch and was pulsing with energy. But of course the older goodies hit people's hearts harder.

I've managed to catch half of the set of IDKHow on The Key Club Stage Left I'm glad I did, 'cause boys sassiness must be legendary by now. The cheek, the charisma, the silliness acted out with serious faces, the instant bond with adoring crowd makes it all so special. Rhythm section and samples, bit of 80s synth tone, bit of 90s pop and sharp lyrics make their show something to talk about. Just like the acoustic set they played on the top of The Fearless Arms (bar), I'd assume sometime around their time in signing tent and because why not. Got to enjoy that one from the distance, the kind of surprise you could compare to sugar rush every kid gets when eating a candy floss.

From sweet tunes I switched to heavy metal brought by Bullet for My Valentine. Jägermeister Stage's tent was coming off the seams with gathered crowd, when it seemed it was loaded to its ends more people were getting in and immersing in roaring guitars and drums going faster and faster. Crowd gathered there was in for a wild ride.

NOFX headlining on Punk in Drublic Stage and bringing whole bunch of punk rock bands that they’re on tour with) were the living proof that punk's not dead and it's not going anywhere. Talking about snots, cum, walking on the thin line and reigniting the punk rock spirit with each song they were hosting a celebration, party mood was lit up. Punk and ska and a setting sun.

Big surprise, very good surprise was All Time Low's show to me (Monster Energy Stage). There were these jokes, on the borderline of pervert (oh, I've heard so many stories them boys were so inappropriate, but to be fair they never said they were playing songs for children), but the vibe - oh it was magnificent. It was great pop punk, pop rock show and people were literally invited, so it became a dance off onstage. The band was grateful for their fans, entertaining, connecting with their fans and gave fantastic show. Also, brand new song had its debut at Slam Dunk's stage – 'Getaway Green'. What a night.

[bobowhooo]

Sugarboys 2

Genre : Comedy/ Smutty/ Playboys baek and chan ruinin yo panties

Summary : Say goodbye to your daughter she’s with me now.  Let’s just say the ladies are squirrels and we’re the finest nuts they would ever find.

Two shot (Bang bang)

                     “Call me daddy!”

                 “Fuck yes, wait, what?”

My eyebrows scrunched up in confusion when she screamed out her random request, as i pounded harder into her. There’s no god damn way i’m calling her daddy. But then again it might get me an extra thousand. I’ll have to think about that one. 

“Baekhyun! Focus!”

I snapped out of my thoughts when the feisty lady gripped on my ass cheeks harder to drill me deeper inside her entrance. All this extra aggressive activity might scar me one day. I would have taken control by now if she didn’t ask me to let her do it tonight. Note to self, never agree to that again, 

Shit i can feel myself getting softer. 

“Fuck harder, you piece of shit!”

Sweat beaded on my forehead as i tried to block out her words and give her the orgasm she’s been bitching about since i stepped foot in this condo. 

“You like that!? You like when i degrade you little bitch!?”

Okay. This is not my thing. If i don’t end this now i’m going to go completely flaccid in her pussy. Which is sounding better than continuing, at this point.

“Yes daddy.” I said softly when i leaned into her ear. We! *clap* Will! *clap* Never! *clap* Speak! *clap* Of! *clap* This! *clap* Again! *clap* Okay?

She made a loud whimper sound at my words. Her pussy tightening around my half hard condom clad dick. “D-daddy, i-i think im going to cum.” I spoke to her in a sweet and shy voice as i pretended to stutter out of pleasure. Im not even close. But she doesn’t need to know all that.

She moaned loudly and squeezed the shit out my ass. “Cum with me, baby!” An animal like yell rushed out of her mouth and barged into my ears when she came. That’s my cue. I gripped the sheets and pushed inside of her, whining as i put on a show. 

I faked out of breath as she rubbed my cheek in admiration. “You’re such a good boy.” I giggled at her, flashing a cute smile. Mostly because i don’t know how to respond to that. “Seriously. i think im falling in love with you.”

Oh god. 

“Oh.” I said to her with a fading smile, as i pulled out of her and made sure she didn’t see the condom before i took it off. 

“I’m serious baekhyun. I can take care of you. I can make you happy. You won’t have to do what you do anymore. Just be with me and only me. I promise a perfect life for you and me. Maybe even a little baekhyun one day. Don’t you want that?”

I choked on nothing after hearing her suggestion of kids. She’s either really in her feelings after being called daddy or just sleepy. Me and her both knew what it was when we started this. I don’t see why she would even want to say something like that to me. I thought she would know me well enough by now. I guess it’s to be expected. This happens every once in awhile and i could say i wouldn’t be doing my “job” correctly if it didn’t. I guess i’ll just sweet talk her for now instead of being an asshole about it.

“Darling, you know in my heart i see us together.” I said as i grabbed her hand softly and rubbed my thumb over it. “But im not ready for a real relationship right now. You should know that. But, my heart truly belongs to you.”

She looked into my eyes desperately searching for shit that’s not there, and never will be there. I think we both know what’s coming next.

I picked up my phone when i saw her mouth fly open.

“Oh shit, i got to go. Bye darling. I promise i’ll call you later.”

Sike.

“Ahhhhh!” I screamed when i died against chanyeol in naruto. “You fucking cheated, asshole!” I said with an unintentional pout on my face. 

“How did i cheat?”

“I don’t know. That’s how good you are at cheating. Are you proud of yourself?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Why would i shut the fuck up? What did the fuck ever do to me?”

Chanyeol jabbed my arm and i laughed in his face while holding my arm. A tinge of pain remained in the spot but for some reason it made me laugh even more. 

“Anyways, I have an appointment, I can’t play anymore.” 

My shoulders dropped in disappointment. “Where the hell are you going?”

“Well, i’m going to an interview with one of my ladies.”

“Sounds boring. You should ditch it and hang out with me instead.”

“Uhmm, last time i checked, hanging out with you doesn’t pay the bills of this expensive ass condo, so, i’ll go with a no on that one.”

“Whatever.” I said with an even deeper pout. What a party pooper.

“Shouldn’t you be with that se-rin lady right now anyway?”

“Nah, i’m ignoring her calls and texts for right now.”

Chanyeol made a noise of understanding and walked away to his room. I huffed when the urge to follow him came up. It’s time like this, when he has shit to do other than hang out with me, i realize that i have no friends in my life other than him. No real friends at least. I have been with him 24/7 ever since middle school. Now that we’re getting older, and busier, us being apart from each other is happening a lot more often. The only thing is, i’m still not all the way used to it. I’m still myself when he’s not next to me. But i just feel stronger when he is. I guess i need to learn how to deal with that. 

I pushed the urge away and took the controller in my hands. Time to whoop some akatsuki ass.

My eyes are covered in black when my phone goes off randomly. 

I groaned realizing i fell asleep at some point in between ripping itachi a new one, and watching girls do butt lifting work outs. Gotta love fitness. I snatched my phone and answered reluctantly after not being able to adjust to the light of my phone and not seeing the numbers well. 

“H-hello?” I hesitated purely because of my voice being little hoarse from sleep and it surprised me a bit.

“Hey baekhyun! Are you free tomorrow night?” A loud clear voice barged into my ears and i looked at my phone as if it was my enemy. 

“Yeah, man. Who dis?”

“It’s miss yes! were you expecting someone else or something!?”

“N-no, i-”

“Ahah! I’m fucking with you!” Her laugh rang through my ears and i felt a groan coming on. ”Anyways, i want you to come to a party tomorrow. I actually told you about it already. Do you remember at all?”

“Yeah, i do.” 

I don’t.

“Well, make sure you’re on time. okay? And remember to tell chanyeol.”

“Uhmm, alright that’s doable.”

I won’t be on time.

“Okayy thennn, oh and it’s a tie occasion, so dress accordingly.”

“No! I hate those things you know that! H-hello?” I looked at my phone with scrunched eyebrows and confused eyes. Who hangs up on someone like that. Just for that, i’m probably not going to go anywhere near that party. 

Fuck that. 

“Bloody hell.” I said under my breath as i looked around the room of high class assholes. I definitely don’t want to be here right now but here i am. Chanyeol tapped my shoulder to show me that miss yes was waving at me during her business conversation with some random dude i don’t care about. I waved back as if i actually wanted to then took a sip of the expensive champagne filling my glass. 

“Dude, lighten up. We’ll be able to get out of here soon.”

“I want to leave now. Right now.” I said with a pout.

Chanyeol chuckled and tilted his head to look at me better. “Fine. We can disappear for an hour or so. What could it hurt?”

“I hope it does hurt something. Maybe someone will try and put more effort into making these things more fun.”

“True. Wanna get cheap beer?”

“I thought you would never ask!” I said while fake crying and gripping his suit jacket. 

“Stop, you might wrinkle it.”

I mimicked him childishly as we walked off towards an exit out of this shit hole. We’ve always been like this. Running away from everyone together. Getting drunk on cheap shit somewhere random and joking around.  For some reason it’s always much more fun when it’s just the two of us. I never questioned why. But i am thankful for it.

I placed my hand on the handle of the door while laughing at something chanyeol said and before i pulled, it swung into me, making me stumble backwards into chanyeol. 

A jet black haired girl walked in with an annoyed expression on pretty her face. Her perfect s line adorned with a tight velvet black dress and a few diamonds here and there. She ran a hand through her hair and huffed before walking off. Never even apologizing for her rude behavior. 

My kind of girl. 

“Sorry chanyeol, our plans have now been cancelled.” I spoke as i tapped his chest with the back of my hand. 

Chanyeol gripped onto my arm harshly before i could even make one step. “We’re not doing this tonight. That girls dad is really really important. This is literally his building if you haven’t noticed. Not to mention, He’s also super protective over her. It’s surprising to see her without body guards actually.” 

“Ooo, a challenge.”

“No, baekhyun no.” Chanyeol continued his protest against me as i struggled to get out of the mans strong hold on me. 

“Fuck yes.” I said back at him while gripping his his suit jacket for the second time tonight.

“Excuse me.” The girl from before interrupted reluctantly.

It’s destiny.

“Y-yes?” Chanyeol stuttered and let go of me to straighten himself up.

“Have you seen my father anywhere?”

“Uhmm, yes, actually, i think the last time i saw him he was talking about going to his office.” The big guy smiled and spoke politely to her.

“Yeah, i heard him say that too. I could take you there if you want. I know this place like the back of my hand.”

“No you don’t-” Chanyeol spoke before i made quick work of stepping on his foot with the heel of mine and twisting. 

The girl held her hand out and sighed. “Okay, just make this quick, and don’t talk too much.”

Oh, i like her a lot.

“So, Come here often?” I asked with a slick smile on my face. 

“Ehhmygahd, i thought you weren’t going to talk.”

“I lied.”

“I can see that.” She huffed and ran a hand through her hair again, just like before. It feels like a shot to the heart every time. Sending vibrations straight to my spine. 

She’s so beautiful. 

I want to destroy her. I want to make her never be able to forget about me. 

I want to live forever in that pretty head of hers forever. Is that bad?

“What’s your name?” i asked trying to hold myself from spilling all my thoughts.

“Mind your business.”

“I’m baekhyun.” I said as i looked over to the elevator numbers. I don’t have much time before we reach the top floor. 

There is only one way to get to a girl like her. And i have to work fast. Or else i’ll never be able to call myself a player again. 

I can’t lose this one. Not this one.

I looked her in the eyes before i stuck my hands into the pockets of my dress pants. “I guess i’ll call you what i want then.”

“I don’t think so.”

“oh, i think so babygirl. Because i do what i fucking want.”

She tilted one eyebrow and crossed her arms. “And just who the hell do you think you are?”

“Don’t worry about that, just come closer.”

She licked her lips before scoffing and looking away. Im not expecting words at this point. I can tell she’s waiting for my next line, or move.

Too bad i won’t make one until she does.

I unbuttoned my suit jacket and leaned onto the rail in the elevator. “I think you need a little attitude check, darling.”

“Oh? And who’s going to give it to me.”

I smirked at her and tilted my head. Her feet finally led her closer to my body and she stared into my eyes harder.

“Well?”

The game is over now. I already won. There’s no escaping me anymore.

I lifted my hand to place it softly under her chin and looked into her eyes as if i was staring at her soul. But i’m not. 

“You’re driving me crazy.” 

She bit her lip and put a dangerous claw over my jawline. 

“Kiss me.” She whispered into me.

My lips crashed into hers, not being able to hold it anymore. My hands ran down her sides and around her waist. She groaned into my mouth when i entered my tongue into hers. Her hands twisted into my styled hair, making it messy and i did the same to hers. I gripped any part of her my hands touched which made her get rougher with me. She tastes like champagne. And her smell reminds me of a hundred dollar bill that’s been sprayed with expensive perfume. I fucking love it. 

Before i could get any more into this moment the elevator bell rung in my ears as a notice that we’ve reached our destination. 

The girl backed away from me, looking dizzy in her eyes. A smile crossed her lips as she held onto my tie and twisted so that her back is facing me. We walked like that towards the hall that led to her fathers office. 

I had no idea what this floor looked like to be honest. This is all new to me. I’ve actually only been in this building once. 

But she doesn’t need to know all that. 

“Wait, My dads secretary isn’t here. Hm, she must she down stairs at the party.”

“Most likely, but where’s your dad?” I asked as i pointed at the big office with all the lights off.

The girl walked over to the place with a look of confusion. 

“Where the hell did he go?” 

I switched on the lights for her as she put her hands on her hips. Obviously giving up on her quest. 

I walked over to the desk in determination to put a smile back on her face. 

I’m sure her dad is somewhere around here. She doesn’t need to worry.

My ass filled the mans seat and i put a stern look on my face as if im a serious ceo man. 

“Well? Do you have my boring paper work, or did you come in my office to just stare at me?”

She laughed and shook her head. 

“Come on, play along love.”

“Ugh, okayyyy.” 

I winked at her before snapping back to my character. 

“No sir, i just came to stare at you.”

“Oh? And why is that?”

She swayed her hips sexily as she walked over to “my” desk. “Well, you see, i find you irresistibly sexy when you’re working. Sir.”

She was leaning over the desk as her finger lingered around her mouth. her lips still plump from my rough kisses in the elevator. 

Can i just devour her? 

I stood up and walked over to where she stood slightly bent over. “Bad girl.” I said before smacking her ass one good time. “Focusing on me when you should be focusing on your work.” And one more to make my words very clear.

“You’re right. i-i’m sorry.” She spoke through an aroused tone. 

I placed my hand next to hers on the desk and leaned in her ear, breathing softly. “No, you’re not.” I spoke to her with a calm tone in contrast to the rough way i pulled her hair as she hissed.

She quickly turned around before ripping my button up dress shirt open and revealing my body to her. She bit her lip and began to unbuckle my belt too.

“No more teasing.”

“No more teasing.” I repeated after her as i picked her up and put her onto the desk.

“JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!” A deep voice entered my ears and i sighed. 

I was so close. 

“Dad! It’s not what it looks like! He’s just showing me his tattoos!”

I snorted in laughter before turning around, showing off the boner that his daughter gave me in my boxer briefs  “No i wasn’t, but i was about to show her how to be a good girl for me. She’s been so bad lately. Sir.”

“I’M GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU!” 

“Shit! Run!” The girl jumped off the table before grabbing my hand and taking off which is very impressive because she’s in heels. 

We ran passed the furious man and his guards chased after us. I hit the button to the elevator harshly as she looked back and pouted when we reached the end of the hall. 

“I broke a nail.”

I deadpanned in reaction to her small complaint and then motioned to what’s in front of us. “Get your little ass in this elevator.”

Silence filled the air while i thought about the fact that i always get cockblocked whenever i try to fuck someone at one of these boring ass parties. Either karma loves fucking me over or no one wants me to have any real fun.

Maybe both. 

“My name is jina, by the way.”

“Pretty name.” I said with a slight smile.

She hit me on my exposed chest and crossed her arms. “I just thought you should know the name of the girl who’s life you fucking ruined. My dad is going to kill me because of you!”

“What? Don’t blame this on me. And trust me, i have a higher chance of getting strangled by your fathers bare hands than you do.”

“Yeah, yeah. You could at least thank me for saving your life.”

“I refuse your offer. Once again you can’t blame me for how sexy you look in that dress. Or how i could see part of your lace thong when you bent over your dads desk. I couldn’t help but take action” I said while undressing her with my eyes.

“Why don’t you come over here and take action again.”

Ding!

“On second thought. Let’s just keep running. I’m too young to die.” I said before i ran out of the elevator with no pants. I busted into the ball room looking for chanyeol with my eyes while jina latched onto my arm. 

“Baekhyun!?” Ms yes yelled from across the room when she saw me in the state im in. “What the fu-”

“There he is! Get that Little shit!” The body guards from before yelled when they came from no where. I’m guessing they took the stairs. How the hell are they not out of breath?

“Baekhyun, don’t just stand there! do something!” Jina screamed as she looked at the big men run towards us.

Fuck it.

I made a run for it, gripping the girls hand harshly. Chanyeol finally laid eyes on me and made a run for the exit too. 

“I told you not to mess with her!” He yelled at me as we ran.

“And you also told me to shut the fuck up, but did i listen? Of course not!” 

I never do.

“You’re quite the trouble maker aren’t you?” Jina asked as chanyeol unlocked the car.

“Me? Noooo. Now, what would give you that impression?”

AUTHORS NOTE : I am soooo sorryyyyy i got really busy and i had a bit of writers block T-T i really hope you guys accept this chapter of sugarboys as a way of me expression my appreciation for your patience and support. I hope you enjoyed this and if you did let me know :) 

Lots of loveee <3333 ~ laila

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Reviews: The Trickening!

Halloween Havoc continues! Louie’s greed and lack of concern for his brother’s feelings or well thought out schedule leads them to a real life haunted house with vampire clowns, dummies, a scary well lady and a gelatinous cube. Because there’s’es always room for gelatinous cube. Meanwhile Della wants to use Launchpad’s dangerous misconceptions about halloween to traumatize children for funzies and Donald had a problem with that for some reason. Also Scrooge is kind of an asshole on Halloween it turns out. No one is suprised. Ghosts, goblins, and full review with spoilers under the cut. 

Happy halloween month everybody! Halloween Havoc, aka my spate of halloween reviews continues as I roll into my first actual halloween episode review of the season! Yeah weird but so far we’ve covered demons getting exorcisims, little girls thinking they can raise the dead, and a horrifying plauge guided by the human incarnation of all that is evil, but not the actual holliday itself. Weird ain’t it? Well that changes with this so as always pitter patter. 

It’s HALLOWEEN here in duckberg, and the mansion kids are planning Trick or Treating. Natural given Huey’s OCD, he has everything planned out a and naturally the kids all have unique and adorable costumes. Huey is gizmoduck, though with a GK instead of  GD, a nice nod to “New Gizmokids on the BLock’ From the original series, an episode I haven’t seen but have heard of so theres that. It’s also because he likely wants to be Fenton’s kid sidekick which.. yeah please do that show. It’d be so fucking adorable. Plus Huey needs to be happy for once without having to go through a gauntlet of misery first. Let my boy be happy. +

Anyways Dewey’s is rather disapointing as it’s a “pirate on vacation” which while hilarious and very dewey, is kind of an anti-climax after months of speculation. Webby is some kind of ancient demon king as apparently in the duckverse the origins of halloween are based on appeasing various monsters, and this is so she can hide from them effectively. And Louie.. is Huey. Which means putting on Huey’s hat and a terribly insulting impression of him. 

Meanwhile Donald and Della are an angel and a devil, with, which I didn’t realize until a tumblr post, Della’s costume being the one one of the boys wore in the classic disney trick or treat short. So that’s a nice nod. Donald wants to nicely give out candy while Della wants to terrify the children. Both end up disapointed as Scrooge instead boots everyone from the house and locks the mansion gates, as he doesn’t like giving out handouts which.. yeah that tracks. 

As it turns out Scrooge also has his own plans.. which are gloriously ludicrous, sounding like something Glomgold would do: He’s going to go trick or treating himself, as when he was a boy, this was the one time of year a poor lad like him could get treats and he worked his tail off to do so and wants to prove he’s still got it. And as we see later SOMEHOW he still gets candy. It’s like if THIS was actually sucessful. 

I would genuinely not be suprised if Scrooge too hadn’t tried to get an oil well from an elementary school this way. As for leaving candy out he leaves out an empty take one bowl which is as clever as it is douchey. So in other words Scrooge in a nutshell. So with handing out treats and scares at the house a non-option, Della and Donald go to see what Launchpad’s doing since Beakly.. is.. I have no fucking idea. NO I really don’t, she shows up for the ending, but before that? If they mentioned where she was I clearly missed it because she’s just.. missing for most of the episode and given every other member of the main cast is accounted for this episode, it’s VERY noticable. Give her more to do dangit!

So yeah we get our two plots, which i’ll cover seperately, then cover the ending where they dovetail together. Kay? Kay. 

The Kid’s Plot centers around Huey and Louie.. specifically Louie wanting to go to a real life haunted house while Huey, as mentinoed has heavily established plans for their night. As for why Louie would go into danger, well as usual for when he does that theirs something in it for him: Rumor has it no kid has ever made it out with their candy.. thus leaving decades worth of candy just waiting to be nabbed and thus never having to trick or treat again. One big score for a payoff.. which didn’t make a lot of sense on first thought and my best guest is whatever preservative Gyro used for Oxy Chew, since it was still edible decades later, was probably spread to other candies since there’s no way in hell Scrooge would pass up a zillion dollar invention like that. Either way works.  Huey is outvoted as Dewey naturally wants the excitment and Webby wants to see if her demon costume works on actual demons. However things quicklky go wrong as they ecoounter a dewey dummy and a killer dummy, as well as a monster clown and a gelatonous cube, which yes. I may not play DnD but I love these things. 

The kids escape the house by accident while tryign to escape and Louie, still being a dick about things, finds out Huey DID know abotu the stash btu avoided it and Louie lays into Huey.. a bit much honestly, feeling he was agaisnt it purely because it wasn’t on schedule.. when you know, Louie could’ve asked to put it on schedule or actually given a damn about this, especially since Huey’s planned their trick or treats EVERY YEAR, so he’s had a full year to ask for this insane idea, or even the short time he’s known about it if shorter. Sure huey might of sputtered a bit, but Louie knows his other siblings, Webby and Dewey could convince him to loosen up and include the house. Louie’s just being kind fo a selfish dick here.. however i’ts not so overwhelming as to overpower the episode, as he has been before and while he should know better about risking his family’s lives after “Timephoon!” it is in character for him to protiize a big score like this over other people’s feelings and it’s not even the first time this season he’s done that. So fair enough. 

But we soon get the second best reveal of the episode: As the kids are backed into a corner by monsters.. they grumble theres no candy and it turns out the monsters.. ARE REAL.. but their traditional monsters like frankenstein, dracula, and the bride of frankenstein, just dressed up like this to scare kids. As it turns out the WHOLE THING is an elaborate yearly scooby doo hoax to get kids candy, with the brilliant twist it’s done by actual monsters> As the vampire points out they can’t exactly shop during the day.. or he can’t at least, so this is how they get candy for the year.. at tribute if you will. Also the Gelationous Cube gets a nice hat as you see above. It’s a REALLY clever twist and I absolutely love it. I DID NOT see it coming and even with some spoiler screenshots I thankfully did not have it spoiled for me. REALLY good stuff. 

As for why Huey’s been so obessed with his planning.. it’s actually really clever and really good character stuff: Huey simply got really into it because back when they were with donald this WAS their adventure for the year: the one time he let them cut loose and have fun, and he got a real kick out of it.. and Louie getting candy for life kind of destroys that. And that’s why Louie still works here.. because he instnatly realizes from this that was the problem and apologizes in his own way. It’s a nice bit of character from both: We’ve rarely had their pre-mansion lives factor in and it’s nice to see it for a change, and it’s nice to see Louie isn’t all dick, just like 20% dick. Unforutnately having no candy dosen’t appease the monsters who are pissed and descend on the kids.. until.. well for the until we have to back up a bit.  So onto the adult plot we go! Della and Donald go to Launchpad whose dressed in a jason mask and ash williams/jason coveralls, weilding a power sander and having barricaded his place. After he scares some children, a bit too much, and Della and Donald are reallyd amn confused, he explains.. and we get the best reveal of the episode.. which given the above is saying something but it’s clear like the “blath” gag in “Astro BOYD” and the non-anthro ducks gag last week, this is one of those things Frank has been keeping under his hat all series.  So as a boy Launchpad crashed his tryke into the mansion, ran into the monsters after reading off a candy wrapper.. and now assumes he unleashed a horde of monsters onto the world every halloween.. and tha’ts what he assumes the trick or treaters are. I just .. dont’ have a lto of words. This is pure comedy gold and easily the best gag of the episode and oen fo the best of the series. It’s clever, fresh, and really fits the character. Naturally Della wants to exploit this to terrify children ebcause she has underlying issues to adress while Donald tries to stop her. Thankfully before Della can get launchpad to scar children for life, Scrooge shows up and fights launchpad.. it’s part of why I also find scrooge’s dickery acceptable as launchpad beats the shit out of him.. it’s still an even fight, as not to suspend disbelief, but Scrooge still looses. I mean he gets out of being trapped in his candy bag easily because scrooge btu still, props to launchpad. So Launchpad decides to go face his fears and Donald and Della decide to stop him before he doesd a muder on a child.  Which leads to an AMAZING climax as Launchpad scooby doo chases the scared monsters around as they have no idea what the fuck’s going on and hte monsters end up really enjoying his scar eof htem and bowing to the master. It’s a good way to end it. After Della explains what’s going on, Louie and Huey decide to explain halloween to Launchpad by taking him to the once house he hasn’t been: the Manor. Scrogoe has finally opened it up, with a line of kids no less, the monsters bond with some kids in line. As for why.. as Webby sadly figures out Scrooge is charging admission, thakns to dewey who thought an all night candy store was a good idea which.. yeah it is. So everyone gets a happye ending and the monsters hang a photo of hte night up in the mansion. A really sweet ending, pun uintended but eh it’s welcome. 

Final Thoughts.  Easily one fo the series best. While the characters are a bit exagerated in places, i.e. della, launchpad , scrooge and louie, it works for the plot well enough and the jokes well enough to make it okay. My only real complaint is a lack of even a cameo from Lena and Violet, as it feels weird to not even have htem in the ending, much less trick or treating with their friends. It just feels odd and could’ve used a throaway line. I get WHY not , as Lena even pre-blue would’ve destoryed the tension with the monsters, but it still feeels really weird to not have them. But it’s a minor quibble in an otherwise REALLY funny and creative episode and a fun halloween treat to revist every year from now on. Really good work.  That does it for this week. For more halloween treats, follow this blog throughout october. So far i’ve done reviews of Demonicsim from Star Vs The Forces of Evil for Tomtober, Croaked, the Casagrandes day of the dead Special and the first of Marvel’s mini-series adapting Stephen’ King’s epic novel The Stand. And until next monday, or sooner if you decide to check any of that out, happy halloween!