#he could be VICIOUS when it comes to literally anyone else but then when it comes to his baby he is melted chocolate between their cute palm | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

unhingedoveractivemuse · 23 days ago

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Title: He only needs to love once.

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Notes: Flufftober Day 18 Bewitched

Tags: Love Confession, Feelings Realizations, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Oblivious Evan “Buck” Buckley

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“You’ve been cursed young man.”

Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley turns to the old woman they had been called to help. Well, her client needed help, but it's her place so…

“Are you talking to me?” he asks to confirm because, while he's the last one left, why would he have been cursed?

“Yes. You lost a family member when you were young.”

“I did,” he says a bit skeptical. He might be open to the idea of the universe, jinxes, curses, full moons, the supernatural, etc., but it doesn't mean he won't be cautious about what is potentially a scam. Losing a family when you're young could happen to anyone.

But she continues, “A brother. To a vicious ailment of the blood.”

Buck’s eyes widen. He was about to write it off, but that is more specific. “How-”

“Buck! We got another call!” Bobby says through the comms, jolting Buck back into reality.

Right, he's at work.

“Come back later,” the woman tells him. “I don't believe you have plans.”

He swallows down a nervous lump in his throat. He doesn't. Tommy has work, Eddie has therapy and everyone else is going back to their family. “Okay.”

============================================

Once he's back at the lady's place, he is not okay. He's been a bundle of nerves and even paced around the station in his frazzled state.

Cursed? Him? Because of Daniel? What was it? Does it affect his family and friends? Can he take it off?

It's in this condition that he arrives on the doorsteps of an inconspicuous little storefront claiming psychic readings.

The door opens before he can think about opening it, revealing the woman from earlier. “Come in, Evan Buckley.”

Oh, yeah, this is real. This is very real.

“Tea?” she offers when they reach what Buck assumes is her meeting space.

“N-no thanks.”

She gives him a knowing smile. “Sit, Mr.Buckley. Or should I call you Evan? Buck?”

“Mr.Buckley is fine,” he says. That way, maybe he'll be more focused on what she has to say rather than freak out about this whole thing.

Not that he's not freaking out, especially when she goes to poor herself tea and remains silent.

“How do you know? About this curse?” he ends up blurting out when he couldn't take it any longer.

“Magic,” she says, putting down her cup daintily.

“Like…actual magic?”

“Yes. You are a believer, are you not? I can feel it on you.”

“I mean, it's one thing to believe it. It's a completely other thing to be involved in it. Or told you're cursed.” Then, after a beat, he asks, “It's not anything…bad is it? Will it affect the people around me?”

Red lips curve again. “No. Your loved ones will be safe.’

Buck breathes out a sigh of relief. “Then what is it? It's about my brother?”

“It was placed on you in exchange for a blessing for your brother's health. But a curse such as yours doesn’t result in a strong blessing. It never stood a chance against your brother's ailment.”

“Why?”

“It is considered a curse in many, many circles, but it is also a blessing given the right circumstances. A double-edged sword if you will but one edge is more likely to hit. Not strong enough for what your brother was going through. He needed something stronger, something that would have been much more detrimental to you. A life for a life.”

Oh. That…would have sucked for him. “And what's this curse?”

“You're cursed to love once and only once.”

He sucks in a breath. Love? Only once?

Oh, that makes sense. If you fall in love with someone who doesn't return your feelings, it would be a curse because you literally can't love anyone else. If you find someone who loves you-

“I don't see how it's a blessing.”

“When it's requited, the curse becomes a blessing, fortifying the relationship. It connects two people. There has not been a recorded case of the couple with this blessing falling apart.”

“Does it…usually stay a curse?”

“Unfortunately.”

He gulps. Major chances of unrequited love but unwavering love if requited?

He doesn't know what to think of it.

“Can it…can it be removed?”

“No,” she says again this time with a shake of her head. “It's an old curse placed on you when you were less than a year of age I suspect. It’s been on you for too long to be taken off. And that's without it active.”

“Active?!”

============================================================

The first thing he does when he finishes his conversation and steps back outside is call Maddie, asking if he could drop by her place, and, because he has the best sister ever, she tells him to come over.

“How did you know you’re in love with Chimney?” he asks several hours later after dinner and Jee-Yun is in bed. Chimney made himself scarce, holing up in the bedroom when he realized this conversation might have to be kept a secret.

She looks at him, slightly confused, before it smooths out into something Buck can't identify right now. “I think I just knew. But if I have to put words to it… I look forward to seeing him, going home to him, and even just simple calls or texts. I want to see him happy, to see him smile and laugh. He makes me feel seen and safe like nothing could go wrong. I can forget about everything that bothers me, all the horrible and annoying calls included, when I'm with him. I can let go and be free around him. I know I'd do anything for him. I'm devastated at the idea of losing him. And…I don't know Buck. It's all of that and knowing he feels the same in return, but also more. You just know, I think.”

He goes silent, playing her words in his head. Home. Seen and safe. Nothing can go wrong. Let go. Free. Do anything for him.

“What is this about Buck? Tommy?”

“No,” he says and he knows it's the truth. This active curse isn't about Tommy. If what Maddie says is true (and he's sure it is), it isn't because of Tommy that his curse is active.

“I’m cursed. Bewitched. Whatever you want to call it.”

“You're…what?”

“Cursed. This woman…she owns a shop that we went to today on a call, and she said I'm cursed.”

“And you believe her?”

“She didn't ask for anything Maddie. And everything she said without me saying anything is on point. Losing a brother to a blood ailment. My name which no one said in her vicinity. The fact that I would have been cursed when I was one at most.”

At that, Maddie's expression turns horrified, which Buck takes as her understanding the implication but not knowing of it occurring.

“Mom and Dad had me cursed to try and save Daniel,” he whispers. He honestly thought everything that his parents had done at the time had come to light, but nope. And this is arguably more terrible, and that's with Buck's curse not being entirely belligerent.

“Oh, Evan,” Maddie breathes, putting a hand on his arm, the name spilling out reminding Buck of the many, many years that his sister was there for him whenever he felt hurt or sad about their parents. Even now, the name from her lips brings him that unique sense of sisterly love and comfort that is all Maddie. “How long?”

“When I was one at most,” he repeats.

“No. I mean…how long do you have left?”

Buck startles, understanding crashing into him. “Oh no! Not like that!” he quickly reassures her. “It's not that kind of curse!”

Maddie heaves a great sigh of relief, dropping back onto the couch, and placing a hand on her chest. “Oh my God, Evan, you scared me! You couldn't have started with that?!”

“Sorry,” he tells her sheepishly. “But yeah. It's not going to kill me. Maybe my heart, but not anything else.”

Understanding dawns on her face. “That's why you asked about love. It's a love-related curse.”

“Yeah. I'm cursed to only love once - romantically - even if it's unrequited. And it's already active. As in, I'm in love with someone.”

“And you're not sure who?”

“I'm not sure who,” he confirms. “I mean, it's not Tommy because what you said doesn't apply but there's not a lot of people that it could be you know? It can't be Ali or Natalia. And if it's Abby or Taylor…”

“Buck, I think you need to think a little beyond that.”

“Beyond?”

She smiles at him in a way that lets him know she suspects something. “Yes. Beyond.”

===================================================

Buck's not sure about the whole ‘beyond’ thing that Maddie suggested. He's still not sure what she could mean about that and who she thinks he loves.

But what he did know was that he had to break up with Tommy because he couldn't lead the man on knowing he'd never love him, so he did that the next day, stopping by the older man's workplace where it all started.

Then, he drifts, trying his hardest to think about who got his curse to activate, and who he's in love with with.

It's futile though. The more he thinks about it, the more he comes up empty.

So he does the best thing he can think about.

He goes to Eddie's.

Buck has no intention of telling Eddie about the curse, of course, because Eddie has always been skeptical about anything supernatural or paranormal. He can, however, relax in Eddie's presence, which is exactly what he needs instead of fretting about having an unrequited love and being alone for the rest of his life.

“Want to watch Crime Scene Kitchen?” Eddie suggests after Buck just slumps into Eddie's couch without a single word.

He perks up immediately. “Is that even a question?”

And in the middle of yelling at the screen (because how in the world does anyone get lime zest from matcha?!?!?!), he thinks that maybe he doesn't have to fret about his future too much even if he never figures out who he loves or if it's unrequited. After all, he has his sister and the 118.

Most importantly, he has his best friend who will always have his back.

=========================================================

“Eds, please step away from the stove.”

Brown eyes blink up guilty at him, and Eddie's expression morphs into one like a child who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“I thought you were going to shower,’’ Eddie says like that's an acceptable excuse for him to be cooking.

“Well, I forgot to get some new clothes-”

“That explains why you're only in a towel.”

“-so I went to grab some and heard you taking out the eggs.”

Eddie stares at him. “You could not have heard that.”

“I absolutely did. Now shoo.”

“It's my kitchen!”

“I'm commandeering it now. Go shower first.”

They both need showers. They got a short one at the station last night before heading to Eddie's together (as they are wont to do these past few weeks), but it had nothing on a good, long shower. They completely crashed when they got back though, so this morning it is.

“You're the worst,” Eddie grumbles, putting down the spatula he's holding and ‘presenting’ the stove to Buck. “And at least put something on!”

“What? Can't handle it?”

Eddie rolls his eyes fondly. “You're a menace, Buckley.”

“You love me.”

“I don't know why I do.”

Then, Eddie goes to the hangar with the aprons, grabs the one that Buck likes to use, and stalks back, throwing it around Buck's neck.

“Better?” he asks when Eddie gets finished tying it on him.

“Much. Now, I want-”

“Over easy eggs with crispy edges and crispy bacon on medium toast. I've got you. And I'll have your coffee ready by the time you're out.”

Eddie gives him that soft look that he's coming to find is only reserved for him, a small smile on his face. “You know me so well.”

“How can I not?”

With another grin sent his way, Eddie leaves him to his cooking, heading for the showers. Buck takes another moment to consider getting something to wear besides a towel and apron before shrugging it off and starting his job. He practically got Eddie's endorsement to walk around and cook like this anyway.

Ten minutes or so later, though, he hears a curse coming from the bathroom and a thud that suggests something fell.

Or someone.

Buck abandons the bacon on the stove, sprinting the distance between the kitchen and the bathroom, and opening the door without preamble.

And sees Eddie on the floor, holding his head.

“Eds!” he yells, frantic, getting on his knees to check for injuries.

“I'm fine, Buck. Just a little fall.”

Buck ignores that, checking Eddie's head with an urgency that rivals no other.

“Buck,” Eddie says, grabbing his hand. “I've had enough bad falls to know this is isn't it.”

“Are you sure? Let's go to the hospital just in case. Because-”

“Evan.”

Buck pauses in his tirade, blinking at Eddie’s usage of his birth name.

“I'm fine,” Eddie reassures him, squeezing his hand.

“But…just in case?”

What if there's something they can't see? What if he fractured his skull or something?

He loves Eddie too much to lose him, much less to a bathroom!

He was only able to find the answer to the whole ‘Who do I love’ question last week, but he's sure he does!

He really, really loves Eddie. How he missed it when it was in front of him the whole time? He doesn't know. But he does know that, once he had the curse and Maddie's words in the back of his mind, he had to reevaluate all his feelings for the people in his life, including Eddie, and he could totally see what Maddie was talking about now even in the past few weeks alone.

Buck is always looking forward to seeing Eddie or getting a text or call from him. He loves going home with Eddie. He wants to see Eddie smile and laugh, a want that was only amplified during the dark times when Christopher wasn't talking to his dad but isn't going to go away even with Christopher's homecoming that's on the horizon. He feels seen with Eddie. He feels safe with Eddie. He can forget about everything and let go when he's with Eddie.

And honestly, what won't he do for Eddie? He will dig through mud for Eddie. He will risk getting shot for Eddie. As long as Eddie is happy, safe and healthy, there's nothing Buck won't do.

So this? This would have worried him before he realized his feelings, and it's only tenfold now.

“Buck,” Eddie says, fondly exasperated.

“Eddie,” he parries, giving his best friend the best pleading eyes he can manage. “I just don't want you to-”

Then Eddie kisses him.

Eddie. Kisses. Him.

“W-wha- You k-kissed me,” he manages to stutter out when Eddie pulls away and Buck's brain goes back online.

“Well, when you fret over me like that, it warrants it.” A look of concern flashes over Eddie's face. “That was okay though right? I just… recently, I've been getting signals from you so I thought-”

“Yes. Absolutely. I love you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

Curse or no curse, that is true.

“I can get behind that,” Eddie grins. “Because I love you too.”

Something in Buck’s chest unfurls, the fear of being left behind and alone not dissipating but lightening like he knows this is it, that this is what he was looking for.

It’s also probably the curse transitioning into a blessing, but he can’t bother to think about that now.

Now, he just kisses Eddie again. He’s aware enough that he hasn’t properly showered yet, though, so he keeps contact minimum except for the lips that meet again and again.

He wants to let his hands roam. But he needs to shower first. He needs t o finish br-

Oh fuck.

“The breakfast!” he yells, scrambling up from the bathroom floor. He can’t let their first breakfast as an item get ruined can he? What if that’s a dealbreaker?

Wait, what happens if the curse isn’t fully a blessing yet? Can it revert back if Eddie decides that he doesn’t want Buck who burns the breakfast?

”Who should be run out of the kitchen now?” Eddie calls after him, teasing.

Buck looks back to see Eddie getting up and-

Oh.

Eddie is naked. Very naked.

How did he miss that?

”Not me!” he answers, face heating, backing out of the bathroom before he can do something stupid like press Eddie against the wall and let the breakfast burn.

He does not want to be on the other end of a 9-1-1 call.

That reminds him. “Wait. We need to get you to the hospital!”

”Just get the breakfast, Buck!”

Buck does, and Eddie gets out of going to the hospital by distracting him around every corner after they eat. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t keep a close eye on his boyfriend though. Just in case.

And later, when they’ve had their first date and end up snuggling on the couch watching one of Eddie’s telenovelas, he wonders if the curse is important in the grand scheme of things. Sure, it made him realize the feelings he has for his partner, but he thinks he would have gotten there eventually.

And sure, it makes him confident that their love will never waver, but has it ever wavered?

Because no one else makes him feel this way. Eddie and Christopher. That’s what he’s always wanted to hold close.

He didn’t need to curse to force him to love once. He only would have loved once anyway. He only needs to love once.

And he will continue to love his one and only for the rest of his days.

#9 1 1 fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 fanfic #buddie #flufftober #flufftober2024 #911 fanfiction

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alittlebitofloveliness · 6 months ago

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can you please do prompt 2 and 4 with johnny cade?

Outsiders Prompt Fic #5- Why does it hurt so much?

Hi anon! I chose prompt 2 to write for this one. Enjoy!

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Johnny Cade is no stranger to pain.

When he was three mama had dropped him taking him out of the bath and he’d hit his head bad enough to give him a concussion. When he was six dad had broken his arm after he lost a little league game and cried about it. He’d survived more beatings than most kids could even dream of- even most east side kids. He’d been sworn at, screamed at, kicked, punched, slapped, and on one particularly memorable occasion when he was fourteen, walloped with a two by four when his old man had been laid off from his job at the lumberyard. He’d even been jumped, bad enough that that horrible white scar tore down his face would be a permanent fixture he was still trying to come to terms with. Over the years he’d come to learn how to grin and bear it. He took every beating in silence, because crying or begging or even screaming only ever made them worse. He’d laughed with broken ribs. Smiled through a puffy lip. Leaned against his friends even when it pressed against his bruises, until pain became first a constant and then an afterthought, simply another fact of his miserable life. You spend enough time in pain, he’d come to realize, then being in pain just becomes normal.

Which is why it’s strange that the stomach flu of all things seems to be able to bring him to his knees- literally. He’s currently puking in the Curtis’ bathroom, unsure if the vomiting or the agony radiating from his stomach is what’s forcing tears from his eyes.

God, his stomach hurts. He can’t remember anything ever hurting this much. Not even that time mama pressed his palm against the stove when he was eight and accidentally spilled the dinner she made.

“Easy Johnny, you’re alright,” Pony is here, the quiet, supportive pillar he’s always been that makes him Johnny’s best friend in the whole world. Though a part of him is embarrassed that anyone is here to witness this, a much larger part of him, the part that is tired, sick and in pain, is infinitely glad that Ponyboy is here. Pony won’t judge him, never has, never will. Pony will take care of him, the way he has for the past three days, and not make him feel like a baby. Everyone else, whenever they’re around, has hovered and coddled. Pony is just present, his worry quieter, his care soft with love but not pity.

Even Dallas had been weird about this, the whole Johnny being sick thing. He’d acted like a spooked horse when he first got sick and not reappeared after he first came by to check on him two days ago. Maybe if Johnny wasn’t feeling so lousy, he’d care more about that, try and puzzle out why. As it is, it’s all he can do to make sure he makes it to the toilet every time he needs to puke.

It’s a strange illness, one Johnny is quite sure he never wants to experience again. Crashing waves of nausea and pain for hours, followed by brief reprieves where he believes he’s started to turn a corner before the nausea returns full force. It’s a vicious cycle. Johnny hates it.

He’s so tired.

“It’s just the stomach flu,” he murmurs to Pony, slumping bonelessly against his friend’s side. The younger boy presses a glass of water into his hand, and Johnny lifts it to his lips, his hand shaking like a leaf, “why does it hurt so much?’

“That’s just the thing ain’t it Johnnycakes? I’m startin’ to think it isn’t just the stomach flu.”

Pony’s getting real worried now, Johnny can tell because his voice always gets a bit younger when he’s anxious and he starts immediately looking around for Darry. But Darry isn’t here right now, is at work for at least the next hour. Soda and Steve are both working close at the DX, Two-bit is nursing his own sick kid sister, and Dally is still wherever Dally is. If the chips turn down- and they will, because Johnny knows he must have been born under a bad star for all the times luck is never in his favour- Pony is all he’s got. The thought isn’t as daunting as perhaps it should be. Here he is, sick and not entirely conscious, and all he knows is he trusts Ponyboy Curtis with his life. For all Ponyboy is two years younger, for all he’s the baby of the gang, Johnny doesn’t know anyone he depends on as much as him.

“Probably not,” he admits. This isn’t right, he knows it, has known it since yesterday even. The stomach flu shouldn’t feel like there’s a hot iron stuck in his abdomen, shouldn’t make him half paralyzed with pain and unable to think properly. “Whatever it is, I think it might be bad.”

“Darry’ll be home in a hour,” Pony says decisively, and if Johnny wasn’t so sick he doesn’t think he’d be able to hide his grin at the fact that for all Pony complains about his eldest brother, he’s always the first person he goes to in a crisis, “I’ll give him a call, see if he can hurry along, and we’ll get him to take you to a clinic.”

“Don’t got insurance,” Johnny points out. If he went to the doctor, it wouldn’t matter if this illness didn’t kill him because his old man sure would, “can’t afford no hospital bills.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Ponyboy waves his concern off, “Darry got Dal to get you a fake insurance card. It’s a real good forgery, looks as good as my real one. Far as the state’s concerned, you’re me when you’re sick.

“I ain’t passin’ those hospital bills to you guys!”

“Well we ain’t takin’ no for an answer. If you need a hospital, you’ll go.”

Johnny can tell he means it. He also knows Darry and Soda will back him. All the Curtis boys are as stubborn as they come, and selfless to boot.

He sighs, too tired to argue.

“Alright.”

“I’ll go give Darry a call,” Pony says, squeezing his shoulder gently before he leaves.

Johnny counts the tiles on the bathroom floor as a fresh wave of agony rears it’s ugly head, causing sweat to bead on his brow and harsh breaths to force their way through his clenched teeth.

He’s only managed to count thirteen tiles by the time Ponyboy returns with a cool cloth and a relieved expression.

“Darry’ll be here in twenty minutes,” Pony tells him, pressing the cloth against his burning neck. He can’t help but sigh at the feeling. It does nothing to dull the pain but offer something else to focus on, but for Johnny that’s enough, “he was almost done anyway but his forman let him go early since it’s an emergency.”

He bites his lip, and Johnny can tell he’s trying very hard to decide whether he’s going to say whatever it is he’s thinking.

“Dar…darry says he thinks you might have appendicitis,” he says at last. Huh,Johnny thinks, that kind of makes sense. With his luck, it’s not surprising his own organs have decided to mutiny against him. “He says he was worried about it yesterday but now he’s pretty sure. You’ll definitely need the hospital.”

At this point, if a hospital can make the pain even lessen, it’ll be worth it.

“Thanks Pony,” he leans his head against his best friend’s shoulder, too tired and too sick to do anything else.

Pony rests his own head on Johnny’s, long hair tickling Johnny’s cheek, until Darry bursts in in all his superman glory and takes control of the situation the way he always does.

Johnny Cade is no stranger to pain, but with a friend like Ponyboy Curtis to help him through it he doesn’t really mind.

#the outsiders #johnny cade #ponyboy curtis #darry curtis #dallas winston #sodapop curtis #steve randle #two bit mathews #the outsiders prompts #lovelythoughts

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cricketandbooks · 6 months ago

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THE BRAINS — Dead Boy Detectives

Edwin Payne: uptight, know-it-all, stagnant, compassionate, determined, and bringer of justice for all those who felt they did not matter

THE BRAWN — Charles' Playlist THE HEART — Niko's Playlist THE EYES — Crystal's Playlist

This playlist follows Edwin Payne (Paine?) through his death and afterlife in chronological order. I hope you enjoy!

Annotations about the songs on the playlist under the cut:

Tracks 1-4: Hell

Track 1: Fear by Clint Mansell, Kronos Quartet

This track is my interpretation of Edwin's experience being sacrificed and sent to hell. Not much is known about Edwin's family and school life before this moment, so to me his story starts here. This instrumental piece builds an atmosphere of slow dread. It culminates into a jarring mess of instrumentals, causing both a feeling of fear and confusion that reflects the experiences of everyone involved in the sacrifice. In the movie that this song is created for, Requiem for a Dream, the characters use drugs to avoid facing reality and their feelings. In Edwin's case, he uses rationalization and dissociation from his reality and feelings to avoid facing them. They both come crashing in as he is sent to hell by the hands of someone who could have truly understood him.

Track 2: Body Terror Song by AJJ

It is my interpretation that Edwin, even before death, hated having a body. A body cannot be completely controlled, and often we are more at mercy to its whims that we can bear. For Edwin, a gay child in a deeply homophobic society, his body presented a lot of danger and anguish to him. He is often seen in the series fully covered, even wearing gloves to avoid being touched by anyone. It is his uniform and serves as a separation of his body from the world, but also from himself as he doesn't have to see or acknowledge it. He also does not mention any sensations that he misses from being alive unlike Charles. However, in hell, this discomfort takes on a whole new meaning.

"I'm so sorry that you have to have a body I'm so sorry that you have to have a body, oh yeah I'm very sorry that you have to have a body One that will hurt you, and be the subject of so much of your fear It will betray you, be used against you, then it'll fail on you my dear But before that, you'll be a doormat, for every vicious narcissist in the world Oh how they'll screw you, all up and over, then feed you silence for dessert"

In the series Edwin mentioned being passed through multiple demons. Each time I imagine them apologizing to him, knowing he wasn't meant to be there. Even in hell, he wasn't truly wanted. And yet, his body was still used to torture him as he was ripped apart and put back together again. While his body didn't get to fail on him via age, he was unable to protect himself from the wrath of his peers as he was never a strong person physically. It also "betrayed" him in that he is attracted to men, and was used against him as a means to scare him by Simon. At this time in the story, he didn't get a true apology from Simon, and his death wasn't investigated. Instead his life and memory was silenced. This fuels his determination to ensure that this never happens to any one else, as well as to dissociate from having a body completely.

Track 3: Anhedonia by Chelsea Wolf, Emma Ruth Rundle

As he is learning about hell and escaping from it, Edwin's resolve to not feeling anything sinks in. After being betrayed and then tossed around like a plaything by demons, his self esteem is slowly draining.

"I know it all comes back times three That human, that demon showed me How it ends when you treat your friends like foes So don't come looking for me I've got my walls up now Protect myself like a fortress And I'm on my own now"

Despite being a potential "friend" to Simon, he was treated like a foe, a vehicle for Simon to put his own insecurities and fears into. In this case, a demon literally showed him the consequences of being viewed this way. Now that he has been shown what could happen when he is vulnerable, he builds his walls to make sure that this never happens again.

"No, I can't sleep, baby And waking up is just a dream My sadness has lost its cause And I'm suffocating So don't come looking for me I've got no joy to lend Protect myself like a fortress Isolating, bridge withdrawing Isolated, I can't take it"

The only thing keeping him going is his strong sense of justice. He knows he doesn't belong where he is, but his feelings of sadness is weighing him down. Even knowing this, he can't shake the trauma of what happened to him, keeping him afraid of change and growth. He felt alone for so long, and this feeling may have been what lead him to come back to the school where his trauma originated. To be surrounded by people in a familiar place while still being able to prove to himself that he had built a fortress around himself that prevents vulnerability.

Track 4: Run Boy Run by Woodkid

While other character's are trapped in their rage or selfishness, Edwin is always running. This constant running makes it so he doesn't truly belong anywhere.

"Run boy run! This world is not made for you Run boy run! They're trying to catch you Run boy run! Running is a victory Run boy run! Beauty lays behind the hills"

This stanza represents his escape from hell, and in this case, running was a victory. It represented his sense of justice and resolve for better.

"Run boy run! This ride is a journey to Run boy run! The secret inside of you Run boy run! This race is a prophecy Run boy run! And disappear in the trees"

However, this running becomes an aspect of Edwin's character that holds him back, as he runs from his inner self and desires. He holds secrets and runs from them, failing to confront others and himself. Instead, he chooses to "disappear" into his work and his purpose. This race is a prophecy about his fatal flaw.

Track 5-9: Limbo

Track 5: First Light by Hozier

This song is my interpretation of Edwin's experience when he met Charles, its counterpart is In a Week by Hozier (Feat. Karen Crowly) on Charles' playlist. Freshly escaped from hell, looking for purpose and walled off from the world and himself, meeting Charles and being able to guide him towards a gentle death allows him to find a new purpose: solving mysteries and being the one to bring the closure that people need.

"One bright morning changes all things Soft and easy as your breathing, you wake Your eyes open, at first a thousand miles away But turning, shoot a silver bullet point-blank range And I can scarce believe what I'm believing in Could this be how every day begins?"

As Charles dies, soft and easy to Edwin reading, he wakes into his new existence and chooses to stay. Edwin thinks this moment is all that they will ever have, but Charles then chooses to stay with him. In disbelief, this begins to wake Edwin up from his anhedonia and despair.

"Like I lived my whole life Before the first light (Some bright morning comes) Like I lived my whole life Before the first light (Some bright morning comes)"

Ironically, as Charles dies, the sun is rising and ending the cold night. Death is described as going into the light, but in this case, Charles' death is the trigger that leads both of them away from the blue glow of death and towards a different kind of afterlife. Both of them died before they could truly live and be free of their traumas. But together, they may be able to overcome this injustice and become more than themselves.

Track 6: Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

The first song to appear on both Charles' and Edwin's playlist. To me this song represents the beginning years of the Dead Boy Detective agency. I will be analyzing this song through Edwin's eyes here. Fast Car is them tentatively believing that they could build something that matters while the shadows of the past seek to haunt them and rip them apart.

"You got a fast car I want a ticket to anywhere Maybe we make a deal Maybe together we can get somewhere Any place is better Starting from zero, got nothing to lose Maybe we'll make something Me, myself, I got nothing to prove"

Charles propositions Edwin, they both want to escape the situation they're in, and want to run from death. They started the agency from zero, and built their reputation over time.

"You got a fast car I got a plan to get us out of here I been working at the convenience store Managed to save just a little bit of money Won't have to drive too far Just 'cross the border and into the city You and I can both get jobs And finally see what it means to be living"

Edwin is the planner, the one who sorts the logistics and ensures that everything is in his place. I imagine he worked incredibly hard to be able to plan and set up the office and establish themselves as the boys begin to understand what they truly have together. He does this while constantly being under stress and on the run, a triumph of his mind.

"So I remember we were driving, driving in your car Speed so fast, I felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I-I, had a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone"

They lived their lives constantly busy and on the run, with the city of London surrounding them. Edwin feels comforted by Charles, instead of afraid, and finally allows himself to believe that he could matter. In this environment he is in control, and no one can hurt him.

"You got a fast car I got a job that pays all our bills You stay out drinking late at the bar See more of your friends than you do of your kids I'd always hoped for better Thought maybe together you and me would find it I got no plans, I ain't going nowhere So take your fast car and keep on driving"

However, there are cracks in their relationship, and things that they are not honest about to each other. Edwin is incredibly afraid of change and people leaving him. He is set on staying put, while Charles yearns for something more than what he has.

"You got a fast car Is it fast enough so you can fly away? You gotta make a decision Leave tonight or live and die this way"

Even with these continuing tensions, they both continue to make the decision to keep running and leave death together.

Track 7: Working Man by Rush

For the next several decades, Edwin defines himself via his work. The agency has a higher purpose yes, but it is also a vehicle for Edwin to run from his emotions about his past, and from his developing feelings for Charles. Charles's counterpart of this is Post Humorous by Gus Dapperton, detailing his own coping mechanisms during this time. Working Man's repetition of words and verses creates the feeling of monotony, as Edwin's fear of change and obsession with work keeps him trapped in a state of limbo.

"Well, I get up at seven, yeah And I go to work at nine I got no time for livin' Yes, I'm workin' all the time"

As stated above, Edwin is a workaholic. He is constantly redirecting conversations from that of people's feelings to the case at hand. This is particularly salient within "The Case of the Two Dead Dragons" episode, even stating at one point that the case caused way too many feelings, and they should refocus on work. He doesn't have the time for feelings is his rationalization for that fact that he isn't allowing himself to truly thrive, rather to merely survive his continued existence.

"It seems to me I could live my life A lot better than I think I am I guess that's why they call me The workin' man"

People push him to change, and in the first episode Charles is even trying to encourage him to learn self defense. But it wasn't until when the Cat King points out all that he is lacking that he for once is confronted with this fact and cannot deny his stagnation. At this point, he is willing to lose pleasure and joy in exchange for the comfort and safety of repetition and work.

Track 8: Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

The second song to appear on both Edwin and Charles' playlists. Charles and Edwin are each other's safety, best friend, and purpose. They are the only ones during this period that can understand the other's situation and motivation, and through this forged a bond that could last for eternity. However, there are issues threatening to rot their relationship from the inside out.

"I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand I felt the earth beneath my feet Sat by the river and it made me complete"

They both felt like they new each other like the back of their hands,even though it was revealed throughout the show that they did not. Even though their existence was monotonous, they made each other feel whole and complete. Their relationship grounded each other in their existence.

"Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on So, tell me when you're gonna let me in I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin"

Edwin yearns for things to remain simple, and as he is much older and wearier than Charles, he is looking for someone to rely on to never hurt him like others have in the past. Charles, on the other hand, is getting tired of their existence, and wants something new.

"This could be the end of everything So, why don't we go somewhere only we know? Somewhere only we know Somewhere only we know"

While these tensions in their relationship keep accumulating, it is certain that the boys both love each other and are willing to work out their issues once they finally are able to communicate them.

Tracks 9-13: Purgatory

Track 9: Everybody's Changing by Keane

Back to back Keane. However, this song represents the inevitable change in Edwin's existence, brought into fruition by Crystal joining the agency. He is deeply resistant and afraid of this change, and resentful at Charles for welcoming and encouraging it.

"You say you wander your own land But when I think about it, I don't see how you can You're aching, you're breaking And I can see the pain in your eyes Says everybody's changing and I don't know why"

Edwin cannot comprehend allowing risk into their lives, no matter how much either of them are stifled and hurting. He can't see beyond his own trauma in order to empathize with the reasons why Charles may want a change.

"So little time Try to understand that I'm Trying to make a move just to stay in the game I'm trying to stay awake and remember my name But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

Crystal burst into their lives with such force, and Edwin feels like he can't control his environment. In order to outrun death and outrun hell, he is constantly making plans and moves in order to just keep things as they are. He has been working so hard to maintain the status quo that leaving for a new place like Port Townsend with a stranger to save another living person terrifies him.

"You're gone from here, soon, you'll disappear Fading into beautiful light 'Cause everybody's changing and I don't feel right"

Edwin is deeply fearful that Charles and him will be separated, but he is also resentful that while Charles will be greeted with Death's beautiful blue light, he will be damned to hell again.

Track 10: Heather by Conan Grey

Edwin is jealous of Crystal and Charles' relationship, and while he is cognizant on some level that is due to romantic jealousy, he consciously rejects this truth.

"I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater You said it looked better on me than it did you Only if you knew how much I liked you But I watch your eyes as she Walks by What a sight for sore eyes Brighter than the blue sky She's got you mesmerized while I die"

Charles and Edwin have so many memories together, being best friends, but Edwin feels more than that. Witnessing Charles be mesmerized by Crystal cuts him to the core as Charles is willing to even risk Death and afterlife consequences by becoming entangled with the living. The change she brings is sore for both of them, as Edwin feels pain from it, while Charles desperately wanted her to stay.

"Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder But how could I hate her? She's such an angel But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she Walks by What a sight for sore eyes Brighter than the blue sky She's got you mesmerized while I die"

Edwin suppresses his feelings towards Charles as he watches him and Crystal, continuing to put his walls up. He acknowledges that she is incredibly valuable as a part of the agency, and also begins to care for her in her own right. However, that doesn't stop him from his "illogical" feelings that she should still leave.

Track 11: Why Can't I Fall in Love by Ann King

As Edwin continues to grow closer to Niko and Crystal, he begins to acknowledge his feelings towards men. However, he still can't process his feelings for Charles specifically.

"If you told me last year I never would have believed you London streets, no tears It’s been way too long Different season, same town Lost myself in the hand me downs"

Edwin is acknowledging that he is happier and better due to the changes of his life. His melancholia that he hasn't been acknowledging is beginning to shift, he is beginning to realize that he has been suffocating himself due to his routine in London.

"Didn’t think I’d make it out Oh, the air feels lighter now But I’m still on my own Why can’t I fall in love ‘Cause I try, but I never feel enough Knew I had to change To find my own way Maybe that’s the price I paid ‘Cause I try, but I never fall in love"

I imagine this song as him telling Niko his feelings about love. He once again acknowledges that he feels lighter and more joyous with his friends in his life, especially Niko. He knew that in coming from his traumatic past he had to build himself up and put himself back together, but potentially at the cost of bodily desire.

"Sun came back around The grass is greener now The storm left me stronger So let the rain fall down I lеarned to love clouds With my feet on the ground I don’t havе any regret I’m happy where I am at"

Being able to go on date with Monty via Niko's encouragement, he doesn't understand why even after opening himself up and taking this first huge step, he can't feel what he is meant to feel. He is becoming happier in other aspects of his life, not regretting letting Niko and Crystal in, but that isn't enough, and he still can't seem to fall in love.

Track 12: Jenny (Acoustic Cover) by Studio Killers

After his conversation with Monty, Edwin is finally able to acknowledge his true feelings. I chose the acoustic cover for this playlist as I feel it better matches Edwin's demeanor/vibe.

"I wanna ruin our friendship We should be lovers instead I don't know how to say this 'Cause you're really my dearest friend"

Edwin acknowledging his feelings for Charles sets himself up to lose a lot. Charles is his best friend and intertwined with his purpose for existing. Their bond means everything to him.

"Jenny, take my hand 'Cause we are more than friends I will follow you until the end Jenny, take my hand I cannot pretend Why I never like your new boyfriends"

Able to understand his reasons beyond fear of change that he disliked Crystal and Charles together, Edwin gains more insight into himself.

"I wanna ruin our friendship We should be lovers instead I don't know how to say this 'Cause you're really my dearest friend Oh, your love for them won't last long We should be lovers instead Oh, your love for them won't last long 'Cause you really are my dearest friend"

This song represents Edwin's potentially selfish desires to have Charles all to himself, but by being able to acknowledge these feelings, Edwin begins the process of dealing with them healthily.

Tracks 13-17: The Earthly Paradise

Track 13: Meltdown by Clint Mansell, Kronos Quartet

Ironically, Edwin's first step to release himself from purgatory and reach towards self actualization is to be sent back to hell. I once again chose a song from the Requiem for a Dream soundtrack. In this case, I chose it mostly because when I was younger, I heard this song and thought "this is what hell sounds like". The horrendous clanging, the discordant sounds. This song doesn't have a slow build up, Edwin is immediately thrust into his worst nightmare, the very thing that he has been running from this whole time. This song also has a frenetic energy that makes me feel like prey being hunted, with the climax being one's body being ripped apart. However, there are multiple times where the music reaches that terrible bang, indicating that Edwin must undergo this torture again and again.

Track 14: Re: Stacks by Bon Iver

Edwin is able to unpack all the change and new revelations about himself as his worst fears are realized. He learns a lot about himself surrounded by books, which are sometimes referred to as "stacks", but for once it wasn't the information that the books contained that helped him overcome his trauma. Rather, it was the connection—however brief— that he formed with Simon within them.

"This my excavation and to– –day is Kumran Everything that happens is from now on This is pouring rain, this is paralyzed"

Edwin has been forced to see parts of himself that he is deeply uncomfortable with. His feelings for Charles, the fact that his reasons for doing detective work aren't entirely pure. Now in hell, all of these bad memories, as well as the endless terror falls on him like pouring rain. However, he is unable to leave or do anything to escape this fate, being paralyzed. And for once, he cannot run.

"I've been twisting to the sun I needed to replace And the fountain in the front yard is rusted out All my love was down in a frozen ground"

Edwin has been fighting against the inevitable change that comes with being in the world and not in the afterlife, realizing he has been denying himself love and keeping himself "frozen". Through his new friendships, he realizes he needs to make some changes within himself too. Niko was instrumental in allowing him to acknowledge this.

"There's a black crow sitting across from me His wiry legs are crossed And he's dangling my keys, he even fakes a toss Whatever could it be that has brought me to this loss?"

However, growth isn't always linear, and things don't always work how you want them too. Monty betrayed him, dangling a potential new relationship and path for growth. Simon appears before him, dangling before him all his most ugly vindictive impulses, and Edwin cannot save him.

"This is not the sound of a new man Or crispy realization It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away Your love will be safe with me"

Despite all this, Edwin is able to acknowledge that he has been building walls for an incredibly long time. After meeting Simon he realizes he has also been in a hell of his own creation through his inflexibility, control, and fear. However, he is willing to let down his walls and let other people in, and to let life in as well. He is finally ready to tell Charles the truth. As such, all of Crystal's, Niko's, and Charles' love will truly be safe with him as he finally decides to face all the load that has been holding him back all these years.

Track 15: The Scientist by Coldplay

The first non-homophobic gay hell confession.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry You don't know how lovely you are I had to find you, tell you I need you Tell you I set you apart

Edwin positions himself below Charles at first during his confession, unable to go any further and staying even deeper in hell. This could be due to his believe that his feelings are "wrong", as he is apologetic about them. But, it is also incredible growth as he is willing to remain in his worst fears and not willing to run away in order to be honest and true to himself. He is able to say plainly for the first time that he loves Charles, finds him beautiful and that he holds him in his heart more deeply than he ever imagined he could.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions Oh, let's go back to the start Running in circles, coming up tails Heads on a science apart

Edwin acknowledges the secrets he's been keeping from Charles, holding themselves back from fully knowing each other. From the Cat King and onward, he is now willing to be completely honest. He also acknowledges that his fear of both his past and his future has been part of what kept them trapped in a circular path, unable to both grow and change.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures Pulling the puzzles apart Questions of science, science and progress Do not speak as loud as my heart But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me Oh and I rush to the start

Edwin used logic and work to keep himself from fully thriving, but now his feelings can't be ignored. He is able to admit to the person he cares about most that he wants to be loved, that he wants them to be together even though this is the most terrifying thing for him.

Nobody said it was easy Oh, it's such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was easy No one ever said it would be so hard I'm going back to the start

Now that he has spoken allowed his feelings and got his answer, Edwin is finally free to process his feelings and begin to move on to new love and new live, with his best friend by his side.

Track 16: That's What Friends Are For by Dionne Warwick, Elton John, Stevie Wonder, Gladys Knight

After all that he has been through, Edwin finally feels prepared to be fully himself, with his friends supporting him. He has finally stopped running from himself and is prepared to embrace his future and the change it will bring.

And I never thought I'd feel this way And as far as I'm concerned I'm glad I got the chance to say That I do believe I love you And if I should ever go away Well, then close your eyes and try To feel the way we do today And then if you can remember

In the beginning, Edwin went out of his way to be prickly and rude to both Niko and Crystal, as well as to the idea of Port Townsend itself. But now he is able to acknowledge his love for them and the happiness they bring him. They aren't his work colleagues, but beloved friends.

Well, you came and opened me And now there's so much more I see And so by the way I thank you Oh and then for the times when we're apart Well, then close your eyes and know These words are coming from my heart And then if you can remember

Niko and Crystal changed his life forever, and both in their own ways beginning to thaw him from the ice and dissociation that was keeping him miserable. Despite fighting against it so hard, he is grateful to them and the community that they have created together that allows him to be so happy and free.

Keep smilin', keep shinin' Knowing you can always count on me for sure That's what friends are for For good times and bad times I'll be on your side forever more That's what friends are for

Usually stoic and stiff, Edwin is able to allow himself the use of his body to express his emotions for the first time. He is an incredibly loyal person and now that he loves them, will stand by the group forever.

Track 17: The Foundations of Decay by My Chemical Romance

This song is found on all Charles, Crystal, and Edwin's playlists. This song discusses where the characters will go after Niko's death, and reflecting on what they've all learned so far.

See the man who stands upon the hill He dreams of all the battles won But fate had left its scars upon his face With all the damage they had done

All of the characters have been hurt and traumatized by their past, and sometimes it is not so easily healed. Their scars also kept them from truly connecting and communicating with each other. Niko was the one who united them all with her firm believe in love and hope, as well as her ability to listen to their deepest fears. For Edwin in particular, Niko's friendship was incredible important to him as her unconditional acceptance was so crucial in letting himself open up and face his feelings.

Let our bodies lay, mark our hearts with shame Let our blood in vain, you find God in pain Now, if your convictions were a passing phase May your ashes feed the river in the morning rays And as the vermin crawls, we lay in the foundations of decay

All of the characters were rotting in their own ways before they met each other. Charles was rotting in a silent rage, unable to truly confront his death and all that he lost, alongside how his parents continued on happy without him while causing him so much suffering. Niko was trapped in her room unable to connect with others in the world not just due to her sprites, but through her unhealed grief and fear. Crystal was suffocating in her selfishness and inability to love and be loved, as well as the abusive and neglectful relationships in her life. Edwin was rotting from his inability to accept change, letting the fear of his past control his life. His denial of himself and his desires lead him to be unable to grow and held him back from truly thriving in the existence he fought so hard for.

You must fix your heart And you must build an altar where it swells When the storm, it gains and the sky, it rains Let it flood, let it flood, let it wash away And as you stumble through your last crusade Will you welcome your extinction in the morning rays? And as the swarm it calls, we lay in the foundations

I believe the thesis of the Dead Boy Detectives, as well as this song, is the lyric "you must fix your heart". By allowing your old self to rot, you are able to confront your trauma and begin to heal and grow again. As the characters continue to confront their decay, they will hopefully continue to become more self actualized and healed.

#dead boy detectives #edwin paine #edwin payne #dbd #the dead boy detectives #charles rowland #niko sasaki #crystal palace #character playlist #if you like this one I hope you like the others too #I love them all so much #I wish I could put all the songs in but tumblr only allows for 10 audio files #so spotify is there #Spotify #crystal palace surname von hoverkraft

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igotanidea · 2 years ago

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The fear: Jason Todd x fem!reader part 2

part 1

"I don't understand. Why isn't it working on him?” regardless of Jason’s protest, the second he got Jimmy to safety Dick and Tim took him to the batcave to run some test and assess the damage. Surprisingly, seemingly the toxin did nothing.

“I don’t know” Tim muttered, torn between confusion and curiosity “but it’s disturbing. I believe Crane has been altering the formula and the effects are yet to come.”

“Maybe I’ve just become immune to Scarecrow’s tricks.” Jason was sitting on the nearby chair, arms crossed over his chest, right leg bend and rested on the left, utter annoyance on his face “Will you two just let me the fuck out of here?!” he hissed

“NO!” Dick and Tim said in unison, however, the motives of the answer were slightly different for each of them. While both of them were worried about Jason’s state of mind, Dick didn’t want him to be alone. The oldest Wayne knew exactly what memories could come back due to the fear gas and felt the urge to help Jay through it. On the other side, Tim didn’t want him to suffer if there was something he could do about it. He just needed more time to figure it all out.

“I hate you both. Truly, madly, deeply.” Jason huffed

“Oh, come on, Jaybird, we all know if you wanted to get out you would have already done that. And yet, you’re still here. No one’s keeping you captive.”

“Shut up, Grayson.”

“Nah, I don’t think I will.” Dick smiled

“Don’t you have anything better do to? Anyone else to save?”

“You’re my priority at the moment.” Suddenly the air in the cave got a bit more serious and tense.

“How long do you think this may take?” Jay asked quietly “I got job to do.”

“We’ll cover for you if…..”

“NO! Hell no, I told you to stay away from Crime Alley.”

“If you don’t want to be alone you could have just said so.”

“Shut up, Grayson!”

“Why is it always me who has to witness this?” Tim rolled his eyes, begging whatever bigger entity there was for mercy “Can you two just calm down?”

“NO!” apparently, the sides turned and now it was Dick and Jason yelling in unison at Tim

“I wasn’t really expecting any other answer.”

“I….” Jason exhaled deeply “how long?”

“If my analysis is right ….”

“….. and it’s always right…” Todd mocked

“.. it may take up to 10 hours.”

“Great. That is just freaking great. Anyone up for the board game while we wait?”

***

Now

Tim was right. After 10 hours it all started coming back. Slowly.

At first, it was only the knot in his stomach, origins unknown. Then, his head started spinning and his vision became blurry. Soon, Jay felt surrounded and suffocated by the green fog.

And then it was only worse. Dick and Tim were forced to watch their brother crouch in the corner of the room, his eyes wide in terror, fixed on one point in the space yet blind to everything that was happening as his brain was working against him.

The memories from Ethiopia. The sound of footsteps on the wooden floor. The vicious laugh of a maniac who was attacking a kid. The feeling on crowbar on every part of his body. The smell and metallic taste of blood. He was going to find him again. Joker was going to torture him and kill him again. The story was going to repeat itself. There was literally nowhere to hide. Poor Jason. He hid his face in hands, sobbing quietly, silent begging to just leave him alone.

“I… I don’t want to go back…..”

“Um, should we do something or…..?”

“What do you suggest we do, Tim? How do we help him without letting him know that we see him in this state? It’s still Jason. Any sign of vulnerability he’s shown may be the cause of another fight. And he’s terrified. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather avoid it.”

“We can’t just leave him like this.”

“Of course not. But we also cannot help him. There is however one person that can.”

“You surely don’t mean …..”

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

“She won’t like it.” Tim warned

“But she will come. She always answer when needed.” Dick took a few steps forward and squatted next to Jayson. “Jaylad? Hey, I need you to look at me. You’re gonna be fine, all right? I’m calling Y/N”

“What?” for a second Jayson’s sight became a bit more aware “Don’t you dare! I don’t need her here!“

“We both know that is not true.”

“I don’t want her here!”

“Jason….”

“Don’t you dare calling her! I can handle myself. There’s no need to. I don’t want her hurt and he’s coming to get me. I need to keep her safe. I have to keep her safe……” his whole body shook, since it couldn’t process the possibility of the girl getting captured by the Joker and tormented the same way he had been.

“He’s too far gone now.” Tim pointed out “I think we really have to call her for the rescue.”

“Told ya.” Dick was already dialing the number of his friend “Y/N?”

“Dick? Hey there, boy wonder. It’s been a while.”

“Really? It seems like you never left. We still got your framed picture on the display.”

“Oh, please, after a month? I never thought you to be sentimental, Grayson.”

“Only for you, Y/N….”

“Oh for crying out loud!” Tim hissed and took the phone from his brother “Y/N.”

“Tim? If you’re there than can only mean you have an emergency.”

“I need you to come. We need you to come. Please?”

“Of course. You know you can count on me. Is it Damian or…. Jay?”

“It’s Jason. If you don’t want to….”

“No.” she cut him off instantly, her voice a bit more concerned “What happened in the past stays in the past. I promised you something when I left and I intend to keep that promise. I’m on my way now. See you soon, bats.” The click on the other side indicated that she disconnected.

“Do you think this will work? I mean, given all the history…..”

“The plan’s in motion now. We better hope it works.”

to be continued

part 3

@shadow-pancake9

@lwtmonster91

@your-local-cryptid87

@princessbl0ss0m

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princeasimdiya12 · 7 months ago

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You know, I'm worried about the hypocrisy of people in relation to Arajin who hate him because he doesn't want to fight with anyone while there are other characters who are also annoying. zabu; he is a bully and only cares about his friends at first he was horrible to arajin and he only changed his behavior because of matakara. Marito; It's horrible the way he treats Matakara, mocking him, I'm happy he got a beating. arajin's mother also bothers me the way she talks to arajin's friends like ideal age for what? Unpopular opinion, if there was no Senya or Matakara in the anime, Arajin would suffer heavy bullying and would also be beaten a lot.

I think the reason fans hate on Arajin while liking/tolerating everyone else is for various reasons that don't come off as hypocritical.

For starters, Arajin is the MC in a shonen fight series. You'd expect for the MC to have some interest in the main theme of the series or at least make an effort to try and be involved in it. Like Izuku Midoriya training to be a hero, Denji working as a Devil Hunter while being part Devil, Laios Touden being an adventurer who enjoys eating monsters etc. But for Arajin to be a wimp who hates fighting and tries to chicken out every time? While it is subversive in terms of writing, it does leave a bad taste for fans who have their expectations when it comes to anime protagonists. It's not as enjoyable following a protagonist who isn't invested in the show's themes like the audience. It also doesn't help that his views about women are pretty gross, even for a teenage boy.

Secondly, given that Bucchigiri is a shonen fight anime, it's expected that most of the characters would have some background as a fighter, delinquent or street thug. You don't come into a fighting anime only for the main characters to do something else like being professional swimmers who value teamwork or mellow skaters who get along with everyone.

We expect Zabu to be a bully because that's how most delinquents in fiction are. They're supposed to be jerks who harass kids they see as weaker then them but it's only later on do we start to appreciate them when we see their positive traits that develop their character beyond their given stereotype. Much like with Zabu when we see how much he cares for Matakara and felt genuine remorse for his part in the Gang War Arc.

Marito being a vicious and bloodthirsty jerk works since he's supposed to be a gang leader who lives for a good fight. It fits the show's theme and how he revels in battle, something that contrasts the non-violent Arajin. And his mistreatment of Matakara is usually done as retaliation whenever puppy boy does something that would warrant Marito to fight back (standing between him and Kenichirou in Episode 4, the wrestling episode, him picking a fight against Marito and later beating up Jabishiri in Episode 10). If he picked on Matakara on a whim, then that would be uncalled for. But Marito usually uses a valid reason for why he fights.

As for Arajin's mom, I'm sorry if she bothers you for how she talks to the other banchos but I personally haven't seen her crossing any lines or moral boundaries. She greets them with warm enthusiasm but hadn't done anything that would come off as creepy or questionable. Though if there are specific/consistent examples that I missed, I'd appreciate it if you could tell me anon.

And that's possibly true about how Arajin would be in literal hell if he didn't have his old friend and Senya to help him.

#bucchigiri?!#bucchigiri #arajin tomoshibi #zabu kakeru #marito jin #yayako tomoshibi #anon

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deepperplexity · 11 months ago

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Prompt: 17. Bells Of Christmas [C5]

Pairing: Turpin x Fem!Wife!Reader

POV: Second, Reader & Third, Turpin

Setting: Turpin’s house

Continuation of: Prompt 4. Sharing, Prompt 6. Out Of Care, Prompt 13. Shimmering Icicles, Prompt 15. Cards And Coals

A/N: !IMPORTANT! Before anything else, I did warn that this story would turn darker and we have now arrived at that part but it has a very happy ending (this part and the fic in its entirety) - I promise you! The Dub Con tag applies to most of the fic but before that part starts you get the incline Y/n is already leaning in the direction Richard is going — she’s just inexperienced and hasn’t had a chance to explore that side of herself yet. Not gonna spoil anything but I did want to take a second to talk a bit about it here so there are no surprises and those who are wondering about that tag get a bit more of an explanation. It is Dub Con, nearly None Con if you look at it from Richard’s perspective in the beginning even if he takes Y/n quite literally at her word (last fic, saying she should have been a whore rather than his sweet wife), but it turns into full on consent and no real harm comes to anyone. Richard may be a dark and vicious man but no matter what Y/n is in his heart and he wouldn’t be able to handle truly hurting her and he listens to her body cues.

Now, with that out of the way, this was a frikkin journey to write, kay… I’ve not really gone dark like this with Turpin before and I must confess it was harder than I thought it would be - since I’m so partial for him being soft for his special someone, you know - even if he is a brutal character in cannon 🙈😂 I loved writing this though, fiction is such a free space and with all the warnings and tags and everything I know everyone has a chance to just not read if it’s triggering/upsetting/not to ones liking and that’s always a good thing (but I rather enjoyed exploring this side a bit more of our dear Judge) 🥰

So, this is a long frikkin note but I felt it necessary. Now, if you’re still here, know that this is NOT the final part of this fic, there will be at least one more - two if I can fit it in with the prompts but I’m not sure. But yeah, enjoy the smut darlings - I stayed up until 2am writing this while the rest of the house was asleep. Thank gosh mom took our daughter up for breakfast this morning so I could sleep in a little 😂😂😂

Tags/TW’s: SMUT! Dub Con, Derogatory Speech, Physical Harshness, Dominance/Ownership, Slight Restraining, Conflicting Emotions, Force Kink Blooming/Exploring, Full Love Confession, Desperation, Needy/Wanting, Slight Jealousy,

Abbr.: Y/N - Your Name

Word Count: 2.9k+

LINKTREE // AO3 // MASTERLIST

⩤• Turpin •⩥

He watched you run away, the sounds of your crying grabbing his heart and twisting it. Your words, the manner in which you spoke, had him drawing a blank. Never had he imagined such words to leave your mouth in such a callous tone. They were nonsensical as well, about whores and cards and one’s value — it made little sense to him. Had he not exclaimed you to be perfect just a few moments ago? Had he not treated you with tender care and consideration?

He glanced down toward the hearth, two of the cards you threw were gone — turned to ash — but one remained. Laying in wait on the carpet, out of reach for the glowing coal. He picked it up, recognizing the terrible penmanship instantly without ever having seen the name signed at the bottom. He knew it was Delilah, the pretty brunette he had played often with before you became his wife. Now, he hadn’t taken a whore in a long time, since a week before the wedding to be precise even if you had given him no chance at pleasure — partly due to him taking things so infernally slow, giving you the power to decide when.

He looked toward the door you had vanished through, why would you wish to be a whore when you are my wife? “I would not treat you as I have treated them, none should ever treat my wife as a mere whore.” His voice had turned cold and harsh, a dark sound of fury slipping between his lips from the mere thought of you being treated how he had treated those women bought by the hour. Sure, he had thought it to be simpler had you been one of the women he had bought by the hour several times — but none could compare to you in his mind.

Richard opened the card further, reading the words that had you so upset. The spelling made his mouth thin, the insecure swirls of the penmanship a slight to his eyes. Yet he read it through, for the first time ever. Christmas cards had begun arriving four or five years ago, always from the same three women — sisters — yet he had not once read anything but the names at the bottom before burning them.

Delilah spoke of caresses, loving touches, exhilarating words, and being on her knees for him for all time. “…even if a wife is under your care, I won’t speak a word of your caring love or any opportunity you give for me to be lavished upon by you again, my lord.” The words were confusing at first, none of them rang true given the treatment he actually lavished upon the three sisters with great variety between the three. They enjoy it… Had he read the previous card he might have known that, they had asked if he had received them and he had confirmed but never had the question regarding him reading them aroused.

The card got scrunched in his hand, fury blasted through his veins as he thought of how you must have perceived the words. He knew you had read them, yet he could not find it in himself to feel rage at that. No, no what he felt rage about was how you thought him to treat whores better than he ever treated you. Perhaps I ought to show my sweet wife what she has asked of me. Purity is no longer an obstacle… Yes, perhaps I fucking should. His mind turned dark, and his eagerness to be patient dwindled swiftly at the anger you had spat at him.

He stalked out of the room, the last card burning up in the hearth as he marched toward his office, set on collecting some coins to show you just how he had lavished them after they had earned it. His heart pounded, his anger a flame in his gut, the feel of slight and betrayal after having been so patiently tender with you was a sour taste in his dry mouth. He fought his own mind, to not do what he was planning, yet he pressed on, marching toward the bedroom with thudding steps while your sobbing reached him through the closed door.

⩤• You •⩥

Your shoulders shook with the sobs that raked through your tense body. You had become so angry, so hurtfully angry you’d said things you didn’t fully mean. Your husband’s treatment of you hurt though, it hurt so badly and no matter what you tried to tell yourself you couldn’t shake the incessant need to be close to him, to be held by him, to have him contradict the words you’d so angrily spat at him despite so recently having feared he’d leave you for the entirety of Christmas. “What’s wrong with me?” you whimpered while you curled up on the floor, your back hunched away from the side of the bed while you hugged your knees to your chest.

Your head spun with thoughts, all of him, and none of them helpful. You were trapped, deeply in love with a cruel man who pushed you away when you needed him to hold you close, who remained silent when you needed answers, who disregarded your lack of experience when you needed his care and attention. Yet still, you loved him, wanted him — even if you wished you didn’t. Will my life be this painful for all time to come?

The door opened swiftly, your eyes jerked up at the swooshing sound only to find the man himself standing in the doorway. Your tears wouldn’t stop, your ragged breathing loud in the otherwise silent room, yet your heart bloomed at his arrival. Had he come to find you? Comfort you? Talk it all out?

He stalked forward, each step an ominous thud that had your heart in a twist while the feral look of his eyes stirred something else entirely within you. His darkness called to something within you, perhaps that was why you had come to love him despite everything.

“Richard,” you whispered and his knuckles turned white from the force with which he held the doorknob. “I don’t know what—”

“You insult my patience with you,” he interrupted and your breath stuttered. His gaze was cold yet burning.

“W-what?”

“I have been patient, gentle with you, and you say you ought to have been a whore rather than my sweet wife.” His words were so cold, so seethingly dark. Your entire body stiffened as he stepped into the room and closed the door with a harsh push.

Your heart turned erratic, your knees shook and your thighs clenched as he tugged you closer — forcing your body against his while he straightened to tower over you in all his harsh, stoic glory. His grip on your arm was tight, but not too tight. The glare in his eyes was dark, but not too dark. The harshness of his features was terrifying, but not in a fully fear-inducing way. To any other, perhaps it was all those things. To you, however, it called to something sleeping within you. Something that warmed you under his deadly eyes, his ravaging features, his thin lips held in a mere line.

He bent down, grabbed your upper arm, and jerked you to your feet. You hissed and clamped your free hand atop his while your widened eyes met his narrowed ones. His face was so close you could feel his breath against your moist cheeks.

“You wish to be a whore, hmm?” he asked. “My little whore, not my sweet wife, is that it, love ?” he continued in a purr that should in no way be mistaken for a sweet sound despite the hum to it.

He chucked you backwards, releasing your arm as you fell on the bed behind you, your head falling over the other edge of it at the impact. He was on you before you could sit yourself up. Your heart leapt to your throat, your hands shot out to push him off but he didn’t budge. He kissed your neck and bit your earlobe, graced his teeth along your jaw while you tried to lean your head away.

You whimpered while your body churned, heated, softened in places it had no business softening when he treated you so callously, so domineeringly sinful.

“Answer,” he said. “Are you to be my little whore, wife of mine ?”

“N-no,” you stuttered while you tried to push at his hand, confused as to why your core was once again warming and pulsing when he was so cruel to you.

“Oh, I think you ought to learn a lesson. Words, they have consequences. You said you should be a whore, not my wife, so my whore you will be,” he snarled and clamped his hand harder around your upper arm. “I will teach you what my whores speak of when they talk of me lavishing upon them, of my caring caresses and words. You will see what a patient and gentle man I have been to you, Y/n. In due time.”

Your breaths turned shallow and swift, your chest too tight and your body in a twist of dread and need. You felt so lost, so hurt, so broken and ashamed — you wanted him to stop, to be kind, to care for you, and release his hold of you. At the same time, your trust in him, your love for him, made you feel inexplicably safe despite the threat he was in that moment. He’d never done anything to cause you to fear him before, quite the opposite.

“Richard-, Richard stop, please, stop,” you pleaded as he planted his legs between your thighs and pried your legs apart with ease, sending fear and an unsettling churning of need through you.

“Now now, little whore, play nice,” he admonished while grabbing your wrists with one hand and shoving the other under your back. He hoisted you up and twisted the both of you so you’d lay the right way on the bed in one swift move.

Your needy, betraying cunt pulsed as he spread your legs wider with force and a ripple of desperate yearning crawled through you as he roughly ripped your dress apart with only one hand, the other holding your wrists above your head. Tales of horrors from other women rang in your head, words of force and rape, of pain and unwillingness — screaming for help but nobody coming to end it — yet you didn’t feel that, exactly.

“Let’s see what this pretty cunt can take, hm?” he hummed but it was a dark sound of depravity. You shook and jerked beneath him, crying and sobbing yet a thrill shot through you. His eyes were harsh but goading, consuming and feral. Your insides clenched as you found yourself drowning in those stormy eyes of his, solely focused on you while you tensed beneath him as his hand literally grabbed your cunt, the palm of his hand folding over the mound and squeezing.

Richard’s hand tightened around your wrists, forcing a whine from you while your tears kept streaming. “Stop,” you whimpered meekly. “You said you’d stop.”

“Hush, little one,” he said and grabbed your thigh with his free hand. “You will enjoy being my little whore, as you wished for. I only give you what you want, love ,” he hissed as his fingers slid up toward your core. You kicked and thrashed but he was sturdy between your trembling legs.

“Such a greedy thing you are,” he said as his finger bent and he pushed it inside of you harshly. “Little whore,” he continued and your head was thrown back with a hiss at the sudden intrusion between your sore walls. You wanted to scream, and purr. What-, what’s wrong with me? You cried in your head as his finger began thrusting harshly, moving you up and down by the force of his hand.

“You are my little whore, are you not? Soaked and warm, pulsing around my finger like a greedy slut…”

“P-please,” you whimpered as you kicked your legs — why, you weren’t sure. It felt good what he did to you, warmth flooded your veins and burned your skin as he took what he wanted while holding you in place. He was all about you in that moment, his focus on you, his eyes and hands, his body touching yours, and every word dedicated to you. No matter how foul they were, how harsh and filthy. Why does my body-, I like this?

“You are going to be so fucking good to me,” he snarled as he leaned closer, the tip of his nose stroking along your exposed neck before he bit your earlobe again, sucking it with a tug before releasing. “I shall show you what you have asked of me, little whore of mine, my sweet wife,” he purred with a bite to his voice. “Oh, we like that, do we?” he asked with a hint of surprise in his voice as your walls clenched around his pumping finger and your legs squeezed around him involuntarily.

“N-no,” you whimpered but your breathy voice betrayed your pleasure. Was it his touch, the situation, or the fact he was so utterly focused on you that had you enthralled in painful, frightening pleasure? All of it perhaps.

You watched, enthralled, while he undid the lacing of his pants and tugged his shirt free only to shove it aside. Your throat cinched itself tight as his angry-looking cook, thick and veined, came into view. No, no I’m too sore! But you hadn’t a second to speak before he grabbed himself, lined up, and pushed himself inside you in one swift thrust.

“Oh, you are a little slut, love,” he whispered before kissing your cheek and straightening. The pressure on your wrists turned harsher while he ripped his hand free of your soaked cunt. You cried out and thrashed beneath him. His wet hand grabbed your jaw, squeezing tightly before glaring at you. You stopped moving, hooked by his fierce eyes and shocked by the smell of yourself.

“Be a good whore and take what I give,” he demanded before releasing you with a jerk of his hand, pushing your head into the mattress for a second while you gasped.

Yet, through it all, you couldn’t help but feel warmth from him. Yes, he was harsh but he didn’t deliberately fully hurt you. Yes, he used you as he wished yet he licked and kissed to soften it all. Yes, he ignored your words for him to stop but his actions and words were those following your body’s cues.

You cried out, a garbled scream at the searing pain of his un-lubed cock forcing itself all the way into you, his balls slapping against you as he bottomed out to the sound of your cry getting cut off as you ran out of air.

“Oh, such a — fuck — good cunt you have,” he moaned while doing his first full thrust and you blubbered an incoherent plea. “My sweet—” thrust “—wife—” thrust “ —of a—” thrust “—whore—” thrust “—for me ,” he snarled as he set a gruelling pace before you were fully adjusted to him. But your body quickly came to terms with his movements, the pain turned into a building pleasure and you felt such shame as he hissed filth in your ear and you found yourself moaning and whimpering beneath him while he took you as if you were nothing but a worthless hussy.

He looked down at you, the two of you a sordid mess of tears, sweat, and panted breaths. Your cheeks burned with shame, he’d pulled the word out of you as if it were your instinct. Your true want. The cards, the infernal cards with those infernal words, came to mind and you realised you had felt jealous. Had known the words they’d written were false in a sense, prettified so to speak, and you felt such shame for wanting him to ravage you — to take what he wanted from you, to be fully with you as the dark and depraved man you had known he was when you first met him.

“My filthy — haa — little slut,” he moaned.

“Richard, please— Ohh-, oh please, ” you whimpered while he pummelled you into the mattress, the entire bed rocking and your hands were released as he grabbed your shoulders before sliding them down to your breasts. He grabbed the dress, the thin material ripped as he tugged and your hands were trapped in the sleeves dragged halfway down.

“Such a pretty sight,” he hummed before he pinched your nipples. “I cannot use such a sweet wife as a whore,” he murmured while he kept thrusting into you, playing with your nipples until pleasure seemed to burn through them.

“Do…” you whispered, shocked at your own plea, and he stopped moving.

…To Be Continued…

Richard blinked, his finger stroked away the lingering tears from your burning cheeks and he kissed you. He kissed you passionately, lovingly, harshly. His cock jerked inside you and you whimpered while your fingers dug into the sheets below.

“I want you to want me,” you whispered. “I-, I need you to be fully with me,” you confessed. “I love you…”

“Love…”

“Please.”

“My slut of a wife shall have what she wishes for, as sure as the bells of Christmas chime every year, I shall always endeavour to be all you need as you are all I will ever need.”

“Richard,” you cried quietly as he kissed the tip of your nose before a devilish smile stretched his lips.

“I love you, sweet wife.”

LINKTREE // AO3 // MASTERLIST

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this darlings 👀🤭🙈 Gosh, I was really nervous pressing POST on this one as it's very different from my usual smut but I really had such a good time exploring this side of our dear judge. Feels a liiiiiittle odd that I wrote it while mom is here tbh but, like, everyone was asleep so I just lost myself in my writing - I hope you were able to lose yourself a little while reading too ❤ Now, as soon as I can, I'll dive in to write tomorrows fic - psst, it's the continuation of this one 😘

TAGLIST: @lizlil @snapefiction @darkthought15 @monstreviolet @flowerdementia @marvelschriss @once-upon-an-imagine @ravennight41 @caseydoodles98 @slytherinprincess03 @theconsultingdetectiveswife @grimmyhild @monster-energies @myobscureimaginarium @snowblossomreads @eternal-silvertongued-prince @cherryglossie @setsuna-meiou31 @helena211 @a-queen-and-her-throne @justsaturn0 @turvi @imwithyoutiltheendofthelinebucky @sunnylikesfrogs @mamawolfsmith16 @dianilaws @sassanoe @snapesrn @bernadette-peters12 @sammy-13 @smartowl999 @castleofthorns @serenanight87 @leah1243 @elizabeth-baelish @all-art-is-quite-useless @severuslovebot @yellowbadgermole @impulse-anchor @writewithmarites @yan-senna @writewithmarites @lokisbjchnl @ladykardasi @mamawolfsmith87 @snowblossomreads @ladykardasi @a-queen-and-her-throne @eternal-silvertongued-prince @lyrixsnape @imwithyoutiltheendofthelinebucky @daddythanatos

Q: Have you been here for any other Rickmas event or is this your first? 🥰

A: I feel stupid answering this but, since I created this event, I've been here from the very beginning 😂😂😂

Want to be tagged? 💚 You can tag yourself HERE! Or tell me and I’ll gladly tag you! 😍

[Dec:2023]

#rickmas2023 #rickmas #judge turpin #judge turpin fic #judge turpin x reader #alan rickman #rickmaniac

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florallylly · 4 months ago

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stobin lady whistledown au:

well-bred and highly attractive (as a marriage prospect but also like. whatever, you know) steve harrington. nosy wallflower debutante robin buckley.

OKAY NOTE: personally, i feel like lady whistledown has a distinct voice that could only be mirrored by a former or current debutante. so i feel that steve and robin could get both sides of the story, with steve chatting with the suitors and robin listening in on debutante gossip. HOWEVER, another option is (sigh i say despite it being my guilty pleasure) omegaverse... omega debutantes stobin fr....

in my head, i'm picturing everyone THINKING they have a polin relationship, but in reality they're lavender married and thriving with their shared society papers.

steve harrington, former rake suddenly uninterested in fooling around and disillusioned when it comes to the inane chatter of the ton. news gets out of his newfound restraint, and they collectively come to the conclusion that he's ready to marry. which means every ball/gala/gathering sees steve swarmed with debutantes dropping their fans in front of him and batting their eyelashes.

truly though, he's always been somewhat put off by marriage despite being a hardcore romantic. he loves being in love, but he's never been ready to commit to anything. maybe seeing his parents, locked into a loveless marriage, shattered his hopes of marriage. he's sort of resigned to marrying whoever they choose for him, but he's been stalling for as long as he can. this season however, they're determined to match him with a suitable debutante now that it seems like he's ready to shed his playboy image.

the buckleys and the harringtons have been neighbors and friends since childhood, and whenever steve wants to escape the attention, he always finds himself in a dark corner trading barbs with robin.

maybe lady whistledown is initially a robin-only venture, but steve catches her writing her vicious little thoughts down one day. he peeks over her shoulder and is like ? oh did xyz say hargrove was in love with her? funny she should say that considering he was just griping about how all the women of the ton are vapid cows. i doubt he's going to propose, especially since he's leaving to travel at the end of the season. or some shit like that. I CAN NOT THINK OF ANYTHING JUICY RN i just woke up spare me

steve is the one who connects them with a publisher and distributor, and their empire is established. in my heart, steve plays the role of a lovesick suitor and convinces his parents to let him marry robin because it's literally true love.

i think once they get married, they continue on publishing lady whistledown until all of their friends are off the marriage mart for two reasons: they do NOT care about anyone else, and lady whistledown has become a tool for protection when it comes to the marriage mart. alternatively, they stop once they get married bc now they have access to each other 24/7 and they're distracted with their happy little life together.

#steve harrington #robin buckley #platonic stobin #i think if u wanna think shipping #omegaverse where they don't get married would fit better #or even they just become “best friends” with another lavender married couple #do their friends find out #perhaps #feel like i could picture max finding out #literally the most slapped together concept but i woke up in a cold sweat thinking about it

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glass-bottomed-ego · 1 year ago

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Fic recs: five fics i’ve enjoyed recently (in no particular order)

(idea stolen from @alexturne 💜)

(these aren’t all that recent bc most of the ones I have enjoyed recently are the ones @alexturne mentioned in her post, so I’ll also just put some fics that I think deserve some praise 😊).

1. sometime in the future by @blacktrickle

In a world quite similar to this one, Miles Kane is an international supermodel an d Alex Turner is the rockstar who has broken his heart one too many times. Now, two years after their most vicious break up, Alex is asking for one more shot, but this time, Miles won’t make it easy.

(8/10 chaps, 109k)

This fic immediately comes to mind. I’m not even gonna bother playing it cool - I think about this fic a lot. Honestly one of the best milex fics I have ever read and it’s not even over yet (but I know I’ll love it just as much or probably even more by the time it ends anyway). It is so extremely well written it could literally be a novel. Blacktrickle never fails to impress me with each chapter - the way she links together different parts of the stories and the details of this world that she has created. I could literally go on about it forever, but I won’t. I have never recommended so many people a single fic and, like always, I will be checking my bookmarks on ao3 for an update every day until the end (and then I will be patiently waiting for anything else blacktrickle comes up with).

2. never get tired of dancing (with you) by salutdamour on ao3/ @depressedraisin on tumblr.

"The old squirrelcage is getting rusty, I fear. Images and words from the past I could recollect in a jiffy are fading out fast. I can't remember the name of that pub in Liverpool where my cousins and I played that Beatles cover before I went to New York. I can't remember what the sunshine in Hydra felt like on my skin, what the air on the island smelt like. I can't remember the last time I kissed Al.

Even if no one will set eyes upon these papers before long after me, Al and anyone else who has a part to play here are gone, it feels good to have left something to history. The story of Al's life is history and I might have contributed to capturing a small, if not insignificant part of it. If nothing else, I have something to flip through and reminisce on my deathbed. When I breathe my last breath, it is the enormous love I felt towards Alex that I would like to be the last thing I remember."

Miles Kane's Personal Journal, May 2016

OR: the story of rock legend Miles Kane and poet-singer Alex Turner, through Kane's eyes.

(3/5 chaps, 25k)

This fic is just so heart-wrenchingly beautiful. I teared up already within the first few paragraphs of the first chapter. The characterisations of both Miles and Alex are amazing, and their love is so special: so free but all-encompassing. Although I wasn’t alive at the time, I feel like the author encapsulated the zeitgeist of the 70s really well - the whole vibe and atmosphere of this fic just feels like Bowie was around haha. I don’t know whether this fic will be continued as it hasn’t been updated in a while, but I sure hope it will!

3. under these lights you look beautiful by @alexturne

Miles got completely lost in his voice. There was a faraway quality to it, like he belonged somewhere else entirely, but somehow had decided to grace them with his presence and Miles felt blessed to be near him if even for a short while. The subtle elegance hidden in his slender figure, the mannerisms of his fingers wrapped around the corners of his notebook. His words were spoken softly, quietly, but without any hesitation or faltering.

Alex is an elusive poet, who has a way with words and Miles is a bartender, who is completely mesmerized.

(14 chaps, 103k)

Oh, how I wish I could read this fic for the first time again. It is one of my favourite milex fics ever. The first time I read it, I barely put my phone down until I finished it, it is that good. The author is also one of my favs, so ofc this fic and all of her other fics are amazing. The autumn vibes are lovely, humbug alex is just exquisite, their romance is so so pure and innocent (until it isn’t lol), and the pacing of it is perfect. Never has a kiss on the cheek excited me so much before 🤣! I will be rereading this many times to come haha.

4. inhaler by @perfectly-clear-from-here

"I like it, your music, it's... what's the word, unadulterated, got a genuine feel to it, 's good."

Alex smiles back and runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it into his desired style. He looks like he's about to say something, but he holds himself back as Miles seems as though he's about to continue.

"You're good, on stage I mean," Miles takes another drag, sucking another sharp tug into his lung, "You look like you're... like you're somewhere else."

A smirk breaks across Alex's expression, his eyes move from Miles's, to the ground, then back to Miles's again.

"There's nowhere to hide up there y'know," he tugs at the front of his jacket, a deep blue Adidas windbreaker, further shielding himself from the crisp January air, his gaze settles a bit as he sighs, "So I just hide behind the noise."

A fast forming friendship between Alex and Miles takes a turn after a range of sleepless nights, shared cigarettes, loud music and a bar fight.

(3/20 chaps, 22k)

Man, oh, man. With merely 3 chapters this fic already has me in a chokehold. I just love the vibes of this fic so much and I am a sucker for a bit of slow burn friends to lovers. The pacing so far is perfect and the author has really encaptured how I imagine how quickly Miles and Alex bonded when they first met. The song references are so cleverly woven in, like Miles smoking organic cigarettes; I love each one so much. I just know that by the time this fic ends it will be one of my holy grails. I can’t wait for the next chapter!

5. Can’t Help Myself by @yellowloid

Busy with work as Miles has been, finding time to hang out with each other over the past few weeks has been difficult, if not impossible. It's come to a point that stressful meetings and incessant calls have gotten in the way of them spending time with each other, on multiple occasions and in more than one way.

When the nth Zoom meeting gets between him and his boyfriend, Alex finally decides he's had enough.

(16k)

I love every single one of yellowloid’s fics, and this is no exception. I mean… damn. This fic is so sexy, hot, and ends with milex just being hopelessly in love with each other - basically everything the author is an expert in writing. As I have said before, yellowloid is the queen of milex smut, although there are so many close contenders.

#milex fanfiction #there were so many others i wanted to mention agghh!!

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cealesti · 8 months ago

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"My beloathed"???????

I am a gothic romantic at heart, and whenever I see this term, I blue screen I find it so beautiful, ESPECIALLY if it is in a romance setting.

Gimme, gimme, gimme!

Wellll I don't know what you're expecting, but here's what I got:

Severus Snape is 24 years old. He’s the youngest Potions Master in recorded history, barely out of a three-year depression bender, and reluctantly starting to grapple with his grief. There are a lot of things he doesn’t know; a lot he’s still trying to figure out. But there is one thing that he’s sure of, certainty bone-deep and uncompromising: There is absolutely no world in which Sirius Black betrays James Potter.

The context here is: I am a little fascinated by the inevitable intimacy and familiarity that develops when you spend seven years in close quarters with someone you detest. And I think that Sirius and Snape -- both observant, spiteful, obsessed with ruining each other's lives -- would, much to their mutual consternation, know each other very well.

And one day I was thinking of how absurd it is, to me, that anyone who knew Sirius and James could ever think for a second that Sirius would have betrayed his best friend. Lupin, I understand -- he of the insecure and blatant self-projection -- but literally everyone else? Was Sirius particularly opaque or coy about his feelings? Was he simply that much of a wildcard, did the Black name carry that much weight?

Wasn't there anyone who could know him, and James, and SiriusandJames, well enough to realize that something is very wrong here? Someone observant, someone still stuck in the past, someone with a newly-found and vested interest in knowing the players that would, inevitably, come to play a part in little Harry Potter's future?

And then, like a good fanfic protagonist, I thought: oh.

Oh.

Severus is stubborn, Sirius is vicious, and neither is willing to rest until they make sure no harm will befall little Harry Potter. [or: a story about carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and also being in your twenties]

#eve.txt #fic: my beloathed #wip tag game #writing updates #my fics

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x-authorship-x · 2 years ago

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The chaos and destruction that Ino and Sasuke would bring if they went back with their older bodies makes me weirdly giddy

These two random (for the Konoha of the past) people appear put of nowhere and immediately start trying to tear open Danzō's throat? One of them uses Yamanaka techniques and the other one has Mangekyō+Rinnegan?? Amazing. I would eat that shit up so fast

Imagine them arriving a little before Shisui is supposed to die and they storm off towards the shrine and as soon as they see Danzō almost getting to Shisui a wave of Killing Intent just explodes out of both of them, each feeding the other's, even Danzō has trouble withstanding it

Meanwhile Shisui, confused, poisoned, completely thrown off by Danzō's attempted steal and these two random people coming to his rescue despite him not knowing who the fuck they are, just stares without knowing what to do

It sounds so fucking delicious

It's amazing, right?? You get it, Anon 😤✨🤝

Like, Ino is tall and fair and absolutely vicious with her attacks, she takes down without hesitation and she's bloody and scarred from the war. She is cold in her violence but, for those close to her heart, she will tear people to nothing and rip through the world. For her father, for her mother, for Shisui- she is a force of nature. Sakura might have learned how to augment her taijutsu from Tsunade but all of the Rookie Kunoichi had found a mentor in the Godaime; for Ino, it had been through aiding in brain surgeries, in political machinations, in working alongside Neji and Hinata to perfect new jutsu on the chakra system. Ino has an unmatched mastery of the human brain, both psychologically and physically, and she has grown so close to Sai... Well, the ROOT seal is old news to her, now. Fuinjutsu to influence the brain? A Yamanaka like Ino could very literally be Danzo's undoing.

Sasuke has, since the night of the Massacre, lived for his revenge. He didnt have a future to plan, a vision of the 'after', and his goal consumed him. To others, this would have horrified them, the level of disconnect and dehumanisation of self, the dangerous spiralling of his sanity and morality. But- Sasuke was an Uchiha. Only an Uchiha could fully understand why this wasn't a want but an irrepressible need. The Uchiha Clan was over, Sasuke's future had died with them, and all that was left was justice. When Itachi died, the finishing mark did not disappear but merely shifted; to Danzo, then Konoha, then Madara. And there were moments of clarity, lucidity, but no one ever truly understood how imperative Sasuke's actions were.

Until Ino learned the truth of Shisui's fate.

They had never seen eye to eye. As children, they had squabbled, competitive in class rankings and possessive of their brother figures and a clash of values and personalities and a dozen other mundane things. And then, after the massacre, Ino had been inconsolable but... She'd tried to reach out, callous in her own grief but with eyes that understood far better than anyone else had, and Sasuke had been so incensed by her audacity, her claim to a loss that wasn't hers and lashed out so badly that theyd been forbidden from sparring right up until graduation.

Now, now, they were a united front. A single, shared goal.

Danzo must die.

No one saw them coming, how could they have?

And that was entirely the point.

#I have THOUGHTS on what Ino could do to the brain #and she shouldve done genjutsu as a nod to Shisui #and the naruto misogyny that all the girls do healing? lets OWN IT AND FLIP IT #torship talks #Torship #anon #ask #shisui #ino #sasuke #hope au #au of an au

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masterofdemise · 1 year ago

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On the contrary to that post about the VC, I would like to learn more about Pluto Beyblade today I think 👍

You asking this question is like unleashing a beast. Here's the problem though. I can start literally anywhere. Shall I talk about what we know of canon and all the ideas me and my friends have come up with based on that information? Should I discuss the missed opportunities there were to have him interact with certain characters? How about the various story ideas or concepts that I have for him that also ties in with my other concepts for Beyblade (ex: Vermillion Vows and the Solar Swap AU).

I will not leave you hanging though anon. Pluto is quite an interesting character and I think he can be so interesting if you really read into how he progressively grows more deranged as the show goes on.

Pluto's voice (especially in the Japanese dub) and his overall body language becomes much more vicious as he becomes closer to succeeding, and also as he soon realizes, that victory can be stripped from him in mere minutes. When he battles Kenta, he becomes very desperate to win and goes on about how "King Hades' prophecy doesn't acknowledge [his] existence" and constantly brings up how he is the descendant of Hades (both as a flex, and when he loses in complete disbelieve).

In my head-canon at least, now you can call me delusional (but also he has literally nothing in terms of backstory so I can make things up and who is going to care LMFAO), but I think in his past, he has probably been told constantly about his lineage and whoever came before him, REALLY emphasized his importance and put a lot of pressure on him to succeed. His life is dedicated to the revival of Nemesis and the destruction of the world. When that goal slowly starts to fail, everything is crashing down. Hell, as soon as Zeus's Barrier succeeds, the whole place literally crashes on him.

I think the one thing that makes me feel extra sad about Pluto being trapped in the temple is that he could have escaped. He wasn't the one controlling Nemesis since that was Rago's job. Anytime after he lost to Kenta, he could have just left since he would have known full well that there was nothing Rago could do to stop Zeus' Barrier.

But then what?

Is he just supposed to go back to whatever he was doing before all of this Nemesis shenanigans? This whole Nemesis crisis is his fault. What can he even do, knowing he failed? He'd probably be arrested, maybe a death sentence even? Does he really want to spend the rest of his time rotting in a cell? What even is there to look forward to if he leaves the temple? The whole world not being fully destroyed would always be a reminder to him that he failed. Of course, that's good for everyone else, but for someone like him who doesn't know any other life? A stunt like this and no one would ever give him a chance again.

Oops I said too much again. See what I mean by the wall of text lol?

Thank you very much for asking though! I would love to go more into it but I probably would make this post WAY longer than it should be. If anyone is still somehow curious about my Pluto text walls, please feel free to DM me because I will gladly talk about him ^^'

#i did not intend for this post to get so long but i get very excited talking about him #i try very hard not to constantly ramble about him but i fail often lol #demise rambles

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entomycetic · 8 months ago

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Written tidbits for some weird dwarf OCs under the cut so as to not spam the feed; maybe someday they'll get actual drawings and ref sheets :,)

Engineer (Beetle)

- Makes every solution to every problem Far too complex. Much to R&D's displeasure, he doesn't carry turret packages on the job. Rather, he's created his own RC drones with their own set of close combat melee weapons. The drone is able to project a hologram of a dwarf around itself so as to warn teammates where the drone is in the dark; Engie uses a headset to control the drone, at the cost of losing mobility. Yes I want a melee class how could you tell. No I don't care how impractical it is - Doesn't know what to think of Hoxxes anymore, due to current events brought up below - Is gay for Scout. His absolutely bonkers takes amused him

Scout (Dragonfly)

- A conspiracy theorist to the max, avoided by anyone beyond his crew; slightly comparable to a constantly shaking yet vicious chihuahua. He swears to core and back that DRG is only setting themselves up for a major disaster on Hoxxes, that the disruption of local life and food chains is going to come back to bite them in the ass, quite literally. This guy harbors all my little headcanons and love for Hoxxes' biosphere -...And in this timeline, he turns out to be correct! He and Engie found out in a very unfun way, and barely made it back alive. - Is gay for Engie. Someone finally believed him

Gunner (Spider)

- Will vehemently claim he's the Normal One of the group, and in the same breath will furiously defend his Oops! All Ziplines loadout (BFG, zipline, zipline, zipline, pickaxe). Always some level of grumpy until he has alcohol in hand, acts as if he's team leader (and everyone lets him), teases Scout as a hobby, yet still manages to be the most optimistic of the bunch in even the most dire of situations. He insists that the main reason he stays on this team is because they won't let him take such an R&D unapproved loadout with any "reasonable" team. While true, the amount of shit the team had gone through together forged a bond not even he can deny. - While they had been through plenty else, Gunner had been with Engie and Scout when the Conspiracy Fuckening occurred, but was in a separate part of the cave. While he could hear and feel what the other two were experiencing from so far away, he finds it difficult to believe what he was told went down

Driller (Cricket)

- Until recently, this position was frequently rotated. The vibes of the team were incredibly hard to match, much to Mission Control's torment. - In short, not long after The Incident: Scout would come across a crater in a cave harboring a starving grunt eating at very wounded yet still alive grabber. His bug-sympathizing ass deletes the grunt and successfully convinces the team to help the grabber. By some miracle they sneak it back on board, patch it up, and once they're off duty, Engie cyborgs the hell out of it. ..Only after enough time passes of them getting it to Not immediately attack them with the promise of food. It was first given general limb prosthetics, then experimented on with brain chips, all the way to building the now artificially enlightened beast a dwarf shaped mech suit. It remembered how it was found, now gladly and violently working alongside its team. Mission Control has been gaslit to high hell into believing all the weird shit this thing does is normal dwarf behavior. - As its ability to communicate and understand advances, Scout hopes they can get some insight into the ecology of Hoxxes that goes unnoticed by dwarfkind. For now though, drill go bzzzz and gun go pewpew

#procrastinates and does this instead of chores #drg #deep rock galactic #literally making shit up as we go but aint that just the way #if u ask me questions abt them/headcanons i will send u 3 cakes of ur choosing and 100000 money #im still not totally sold on gunner....need to solidify his personality more in my brainhole #also. yes driller is my dwarfsona. dont look at me

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astarab1aze · 8 months ago

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They have been going in circles, perhaps in more than just one way, for a while now. Only right that moment, quite literally, around the room, suffering some leftover greetings and introductions, thankfully cut short for the most part by more and more pairs deciding to head to the dancefloor instead. True, Geralt was hardly willing to pay attention to anyone else regardless, but he could at least count on it being less obvious to her when there were others around, stealing hers. Oh, but how he enjoyed it. Each moment in which it felt like it was just the two of them. Whenever she'd touch, whenever she'd so much as look at him. Made it easy to ignore the almost physically painful conviction that it couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't last.

"May I have the next one?" It's a swift, but gentle motion that encloses her hand in his as he turned to face her, bowing, but not even then ready to take eyes off of hers, searching, still searching for something, and not willing to admit to himself whether or not he was able to find it. Despite all his doubt, smiling in a daring sort of way.

If she had to describe the party, she'd have had to have called it an altogether drab and needlessly busy affair - all the same people shaking hands and greeting each other as if they hadn't been working together for decades, even centuries for some, stealing her attention away from the man she'd happily brought along to--

Well, it might've just been another case of the why nots or i just couldn't help myself, and with all her coworkers coming up to grasp her hands and dote on her with little faux affections, she was left stifled and Geralt to stand there, perhaps awkwardly, perhaps anxiously in a place surrounded by all manners of people and things far stranger and equally, if not more so, vicious than he. By all accounts, he was on his own every time she was pulled away and beggared after; Not only was that rude, but no doubt he was uncomfortable. So it frustrated her, endlessly, until at last the many had tapered off and wandered away, whether to the dance floor so shrouded in intimate lighting and not nearly enough space, or to the strange, fun refreshments, or elsewhere.

The breathing room was much appreciated, but standing up so straight and smiling so insincerely had certainly soured her mood - So much so, she didn't hesitate to steal Geralt away, lending a piece of herself to him in a way only very few and far less deserving had managed before; Her undivided attention. Always and ever regarding him as they went along, quietly considerate of his space yet no less warm or doting, light sweeps of her fingers across his arm, a shared smile or two between sips of wine and bites of tarts, brushing knuckles, tacitly enjoying the dare of a palm settling over the bare small of her back, chatting among themselves about this and that, noticing the slightest wrinkle around his yellow eyes when he smiled or frowned-- In a way, it seemed only natural, now that she'd had her opportunity, and though a stinging sensation spread through even her coldest and emptiest of recesses, something loud enough to merit attending to begged desperately for her to let herself enjoy his company in full.

Reasons to justify as much came to mind, a rather telling bite of her lip when he'd turned away, and for a longer stretch than she'd cared to admit, she was silent.

He was charming, in the ways he'd so much as nibble on tarts and try desperately not to let his wine spill - always failing to catch a drop or two - how avoidant yet watchful his gaze in shadow and twilight, and maybe she was thinking too hard about it even still. She couldn't help herself, really, dazzled by his attention in the first place; Yes, his, quite. Taken in by relative quietude and gruffness that seemed to dissipate any time he'd look at her, by his bashful sort of mannerisms, how he looked in stately modernized garb. Such history in those eyes, such evidence of his fight shorn across his face, such pain in the grooved calluses of his hands, many years of life lived long before this moment, and she wondered - oh, how she wondered - what sort of life that was, where he'd come from, how he spent his days when he came to the end of a journey that should've been his last, who he'd loved before, who he'd loathed, what he'd killed, survived. Bits and pieces confessed here and there, little more; She tried, even now, not to greedily ask too much of him, no matter how dearly she wished to.

Lost in thought, lip curled around the rim of her wineglass, she realized it might be trouble to let someone like him get too close. Handsome as he was, careful and dilligent as he handled Asuka, she found herself tripping up around him already. Overthinking, flailing girlishly sans all the blushing - not that he'd have been able to see it anyway; Oh, thank gods for makeup--

A slow sip to finish off her wine, ever so careful not to smear glossy black, before setting aside the glass.

And, again, she was right back at square one - Oh, to hell with it. What was the harm? Besides, besides-

She wasn't prepared for him to turn to her and take her hand, her other reflexively fluttering to her chest as if she'd been frightened. The opposite was true, as he bowed - he'd only caught her by surprise; She hadn't been looking at or thinking of anything or anyone else, too engrossed in her reverie and the turn of cat-like eyes onto her own. He didn't look away from her a second time, smiling at her from under scruff and weathered brow. Did he not know what he did to her? It took her only too long to realize he'd asked her to dance.

"You want to dance with me?" she asked, a smile of her own pulling at the corners of her lips. Was it because the song playing now happened to be slow? Cheeky wolf, wasn't he? Charmed she was, even so. "Aren't you full of surprises... I didn't realize you could dance, Geralt."

And with all the courage she could muster, it was here she would tenderly take hold of his hand in turn and guide it back around her waist to settle once more on her lower back, bare skin and all. Marked shine to eyes both golden and violet, free hand tentatively resting on his chest; He was bold enough to ask, she could be bold enough to answer. She stepped closer, closing much remaining distance between them, quite happy to continue ignoring all else in favor of a man who could make her smile and it not feel forced. Answer enough...right?

"Of course I'll dance with you," she said, chuckling the while, saying it out loud - just in case. Yet all at once, she parted from him, retaking his hands in her own. Her smile widened - he seemed so surprised - but she'd only intended to guide him away from tables so lined with food and chatterboxes, clinking glasses and the awkward shuffling of her coworkers, toward a less populated alcove where wefts of ghostly chiffon and conjured spiritflame burned idly overhead. A cooler, paler light cast upon them now, but he was handsome even still and she couldn't bear to tear her eyes away, no matter the glow, no matter how wistfully girlish she'd been in pulling him aside in opt for quieter intimacy; She'd have liked to have heard more of his voice, a little louder, a little softer, but above the music and clamor all the same. "A dance it is, then, my dear, but you'll give me another after, won't you?"

And she looped her arms around his neck, closed the distance once more, and enjoyed the roughness of his hands, the warmth of his frame, and quiet rumble of his voice as the steady lilt in the air carried them this way and that. And she hoped, she hoped, for a little longer, a little more concrete - maybe it would be alright, were they to stay like this and see where it went.

#☿ || Asks.#✘ // Oh Be Still My Heart - I'm His Forever; Geralt.#gyofukuki #/ it gets the tag shhhh-#/ i might've gotten carried away--#/ i wasn't sure when exactly this would be #/ certainly early enough on i think---#/ enjoy vita losing her mind regardless #/ let geralt be fawned over----

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