#he can be naive at times sure but thats because hes THREE YEARS OLD.

[frenchonionsoop]

fandom dont turn character who has any even mildly feminine appearance into a shy, soft, sweet archetype challenge (impossible)

[s4ijoh]

the theory of love. matsukawa issei

MATSUKAWA ISSEI X GN! READER

GENRE: soulmate au; (implicit) college au; fluff; crack-ish?

WORD COUNT: 2.2k+

WARNINGS: (minor mention of) nudity

in which you have a beauty mark in each eyelid…

what an odd place to kiss someone for the first time.

you wonder. all different types of sweet yet awkward scenarios on how this meeting with your soulmate would play out begin to surface — more precisely, on how this first kiss with them would play out. out of all places...

why would they kiss your eyelids?

these are certainly not the answers you should be looking to answer during class, you reckon, yet, betrayed by your own inner voice who, against your own will decides to take the reins of your mind, you find yourself drifting away from reality and diving deep into your own head, swimming in thoughts of soulbound lovers and silly first kisses.

a giggle threatens to slip past your lips yet it dies in your throat before it has the chance to escape. it is hard to know when to stop the train of thought before it derails and, as always, the same old question comes back to haunt you.

what is taking them so long?

the question could be worse, you reckon, much worse. when you were just a child, barely old enough to understand the theory regarding love and soulmates, you remember hearing these frightening stories about people who were deemed loveless. they were bound to spend their entire lifetime wandering the face of earth in an infinite yet fruitless quest to find their other half. how cruel, you mused, for the universe to deprive someone of love.

you also recall, at the age of twelve, now old enough to decipher those were not just some bedtime tales, feeling terrified upon the realization that you could be one of the so called loveless ones. were you? although it’s not exactly one of your most treasured memories, it is still fairly vivid in the back of your head — your eyes urgently roaming every inch of skin on your body in a desperate attempt to dismiss that possibility, only for the answer to be mockingly hidden out of your sight.

for the longest time, your pitiful self dwelled on the reality that you weren’t worthy of love only for your faith to be restored when recently, whilst doing your make up, you found the two tiniest, barely perceptible dots laying on each of your eyelids, the symbol of hope itself adorning your skin — the evidence that you were not alone in this world and that some deity from above had blessed you with someone to share your love with.

although in retrospect, the scenario turned out to be a lot more optimistic than what you had first expected and for that you should be thrilled, with each passing day, the hollow in your chest grows darker as you have spent the last six years yearning for the day you’ll cross paths with your soulmate.

your heart longs for its missing piece and unfortunately there is no map to lead you to it.

what if you only meet them by the time you’re too old, too tired to have any love left to give?

it certainly gets lonely when you’re left dealing with the hole on your heart meanwhile everyone around you seems to have found their other half by now. just today, yet another girl in your friend group found her perfect match — or so she thinks, its easy to mistake some random boy for your soulmate when your beauty mark is located on your cheek.

at least you can rely on the fact that the placement of your beauty marks doesn’t leave much room for mistake, thats a given. maybe you weren’t that unfortunate, after all.

“movie night at my place tonight?” you tilt your head up to be met with issei’s figure towering over you. as you slowly bounce back to reality, you shift your eyes to the clock ticking on the wall. you figure you were too lost in thought to hear the lecturer call it a wrap.

“makki’s out of town so you can crash in his bed”

you met issei and takahiro at the beginning of this semester and it turned out that there was more to the two quiet laid back dudes who always sat in the back of the class than what first meets the eye. the chronic bored expressions they wear on their faces at all times are quite deceptive for they are anything but tedious and just happen to be quite easygoing and match your level of sarcasm. the three of you clicked almost instantly. movie nights on friday were a regular but a sleepover? now, that's a first.

(mainly because, besides the two beds on their shared room who were almost a size too small to fit their gigantic limbs, the next best surface on their apartment to sleep on would be the floor itself.)

“just admit that you’re afraid to sleep alone in your room, issei” you begin to gather your things but not without taking a peek at him through the corner of your eye to check the look of amusement growing on his face.

issei keeps his collected demeanor, crossing his arms over his chest in defiance while smiling down at you in a relaxed manner “if you start snoring the same way you always do halfway into a movie, it might actually be scarier to sleep in the same room with you”

you scoff at his merciless comeback although unamused. you knew better than to expect him to give in to your teasing remarks without a fight

“it’s always the guys who can’t even afford a couch who think they’re funny, huh?”

to be fair, you were aware they had just moved in together at the beginning of this semester and the house decor was still a work in progress.

he lets out a lighthearted laugh at your comeback, accepting his defeat and you follow suit, smiling brightly and softening your features “you’re lucky we don’t have one or else you’d be sleeping there tonight”

issei pats your head softly before he adjusts the strap of the backpack hanging off his shoulder and begins to walk away, turning on his heel when he is a few steps away from you, remembering he has to let you know the details for tonight.

when he turns his back on you and disappears into the distance a smile creeps its way into your lips almost instinctively. (what a lost cause. look at you so oblivious to how your heartbeat seems to echo a little louder inside your ribcage or how your heart rate seems to increase it’s tempo whenever you are around issei. you're not a naive little child anymore; you should’ve understood the theory of how love works by now.)

some days on campus are busier than others and you have learned it's easier to daydream your way through boring lectures and classes for time seems to go by faster yet there is no better way to unwind than to spend a friday night on the comfort of issei’s and makki’s tiny cozy apartment watching lame cartoon movies in the tiny screen of a computer. it’s part of your routine now and you find it's also easier to go through an intense week of work when you have these weekly movie sessions with them (him) to look forward to.

issei walks through the door and into the room, grabbing a blanket out of makki’s bed before taking a seat next to you on his bed so you can share the bowl of sweet and salty popcorn he just popped in the microwave. you notice his feet peeking from under the blanket at the end of the bed whereas he's busy searching for a movie to watch on the computer that’s sitting on his lap — you make a mental note to gift him a bigger blanket on christmas since it is just around the corner.

you manage to convince issei to watch the grinch “to get into the christmas spirit” however, as soon as he presses play, your thoughts start drifting away. it has recently come to your knowledge that issei, just like you, still hasn’t found his soulmate — although he seems to be handling the situation a lot more smoothly than you. ever since the day you became aware of it, there’s this question that has been persistently lingering in the back of your head yet you have been hesitating to ask. you are unsure whether it is too early in your friendship to put your nose into more intimate affairs but then you remember it’s just issei, the worst he could do would be to mock you for your nosiness.

“issei,” he hums in acknowledgment while munching on the small pile of popcorn on the palm of his hand with his eyes still glued to the screen. “where is your beauty mark?”

the inquisitive look on your face morphs into one of confusion when he takes a glance at you with mischief gleaming in his eyes. why is he smirking? he pauses the movie, tilting his head back to shove the handful of popcorn into his mouth and placing the computer on the mattress before he stands up, your frown only intensifying upon the sight of him undoing his belt.

“issei!” you exclaim through a fit of laughter at the realization that he just pulled his pants down to reveal his bare ass to your once expectant eyes, your expression contorting to one of terror as you screw your eyes wide shut at his inadequate (yet all too familiar) antics. and here you stood thinking you had predicted what the worst case scenario could possibly be.

the wicked chuckle that erupts from his chest echoes through the dark room and you can hear him fastening his belt back on signaling it is safe for you to stop hiding behind your hands (not before you sneak a peek through your fingers though, just to make sure.)

“my soulmate will have to kiss my ass so I know they’re the real deal” the bed dips as he slumps, in a slouchy manner, on the mattress next to you, taking a glance to notice your eyes widening when he hears the gasp of disbelief that escapes your lips following his words.

“its a joke. you would’ve known that if you had looked” he chuckles still talking in that nonchalant tone of his whilst putting the movie back on.

“yeah. i figured, asshole.” you try to play it cool, brushing off the sound of your heart palpitating furiously against your chest.

half way into the movie and a bowl of sweet and salty popcorn later, your head starts to feel heavy on issei’s shoulder. he glances down at you only for his suspicions to be proven right — you have fallen asleep; just like he knew you would. he takes notice of the way you scrunch up your face, wrinkles starting to form in the corner of your eyes as you force them shut. the brightness of the screen is probably bothering you.

whilst issei wouldn’t trade his sweet bed for the world, given your tired state (and clearly out of courtesy), he can’t find it in him to disturb you so he decides to let you crash in his bed, he will take makki’s for the night.

“‘m going to turn this off” he closes the computer shut while whispering the words in a weary voice as drowsiness has creeped it’s way into his system as well.

“mhm, night” you yawn weakly while lifting your head from his shoulder with your eyes still closed as you manage to give him a clumsy goodnight kiss that lands on his ear before you move to a lying position and pull the blankets over your body, falling into a quiet slumber almost instantly.

his eyes widen in surprise.

did you just kiss him?

during the span of your friendship, neither of you have been the affectionate type sticking to a few sporadic hugs, which were rare nonetheless, yet he is not opposed to this new display of affection. he figures you must get clingier when you’re tired and it might have slipped out of impulse. now that he notices, this is the first time he remembers you kissing him and there is this foreign feeling flaring in the pit of his stomach at the possibility you might kiss him again. he lifts his weight out of bed and suddenly he’s paralized staring at the empty wall ahead of him. wait...

did you just kiss him… on his ear?

the world stops. his feet, although hesitant, are moving on their own as he feels a sudden magnetic pull to you and finds himself gravitating towards your sleeping figure lying on his bed. he crouches down next to you, silently admiring your features with mellow eyes and although his heart is a bit unsteady in his chest, he is overtaken with an inexplicable sense of tranquility. his heart can rest now, you finally found him.

that night you could’ve sworn you felt his lips lingering on your eyelids.

[a/n]: ayooo, just to let you all know that i finally made a google docs where you can sign up for my general taglist (even tho i post like once every two months but its wtvrrrrr, its wtvrr)

the amount of times i started writing this fic and deleted everything just to start all over again because i hated every single word of it… I WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING NICE FOR MATTSUN !!1!!!😡 but ngl it was kinda worth the time because im sorta proud of it!

this is the v v v first time im writing for him, hopefully the characterization isnt off… n hopefully you enjoy!!!! ;)))

[milk-addicc]

I really liked that post you made about how Capcom feels about Narumitsu. And I'm wondering how do you think they feel about Narumayo? Personally to me it feels like they throw more hints at Narumitsu since with the other one if Takami wanted it to be canon he would of done it at the end of T&T. I also think the team could of made it more obvious in SoJ with Maya's big return but I never really saw the hints but I know I'm biased lol.

oh i’m glad you like my rambles haha;;

ahh... that ship, 

well first, about the whole Takumi “wanting narumitsu to be canon” thing, its not exactly making them canon but have more fanservice leaning heavy towards narumitsu (which was declined by the director(?) who claimed, i sorta agree with, that the game did well even without the narumitsu hinting since in the first game they didn’t have that intention and it was pure coincidence that their relationship was just THAT deep and meaningful which is incredible lmao, Takumi and co managed to slip his warning and still put at least some of the hints in TT tho hhh-). so even then, i doubt the crew actually want the endgame to come so soon hh.

okay, back on topic. what i think about naru//mayo? yea, i’m not keen on that ship personally at all, actually i despise it. like, they first met in the office, in front of their dead loved one, Mia. Maya was 17, Phoenix was 24. you have Maya, who’s supposedly still in HIGH SCHOOL and Phoenix, who has GRADUATED COLLEGE, has a JOB, and most likely has PAID HIS OWN BILLS. from that point alone, it should already feel weird. 

Maya’s an adolescence, a teenager, she just lost her sister and barely grew up, in a way she’s still innocent, notice how she tend to ask random questions and or say things that she thinks makes sense or amusing, she tends to be naive too. its kinda like.. a child.

and Phoenix on the other hand, is a grown man. heck even Maya says he’s an “old fart”, they’re legit aware of their own age gap in game and outright say it. if anything, they both act like self-aware best friends/brother-sister than romantically. even Maya said it herself, she wants to be a good big sister for Pearl and Nick.

now how about we ignore this obvious fact just for a little while and try to see it from only their interactions in-franchise. heres the kicker, you may not see it in game since they only lightly nudges about this ship (usually with Pearl, and was dismissed by Maya right after.), but in some of AA spin off mangas (and from what i heard, one of the stage shows), for some reason, this ship has their own hints despite being completely aware that Maya is a teenager.

but its okay now don’t hold your breaths, 

their “hints” are more of a one-off ish thing, most of the time a gag and not taken seriously, and unlike other ship per say narumitsu, where it actually affects their lives and changed it forever IN-GAME. “i care about Maya and understands her” and “i became an attorney because of you, Edgeworth and i don’t have any regrets” are both literally incomparable, especially given Phoenix and Edgeworth’s history together in-game canon.

anyway, here’s some common arguments i’ve encountered about this particular ship :

“but Phoenix cares about Maya a lot! he literally went through a trial against a hitman and run through a burning bridge for her!”

“Phoenix blushed and goes red when Pearl says he’s Maya’s special someone and he stutters!”

“Well my parents had a huge age gap!"

“well, Maya is 18 in AA2″

“considering Maya is a christmas cake now, Nick better tap that” 

“she’s an adult in AA6 tho”

now lets dissect each of these,

yes, Phoenix cares about Maya a lot he literally did cross a burning bridge for her but people seem to forget that this is the same man who turned his life around, abandon his dreams, study law for four years, and became an attorney to meet one man and willing to defend a girl who looks like his psychotic ex that nearly poisoned him in court. he literally would believe in his clients’s innocence no matter what, he’s by nature would sacrifice anything and even his life for someone. so its normal that he cares about Maya, but is it romantic? i doubt it, he cares about her safety and well being but does it have to be a romantic hint? no, of course not, he’s just very selfless for the people he cares about and Maya has no one to help her but Nick when she’s in trouble, he’s one of few adults she can trust and will help her out.

oh so blushing and stuttering due to embarrassment means having feelings now? and about the stuttering, he literally stutters around Edgeworth a lot lol. i’m starting to feel like people ships naru//mayo not because of their depth but because Pearl said so. Pearl finds them should be together and keep shoving the audience with Nick being “Mystic Maya’s special someone”, well if thats the case, they also explained why this happened, in-game. Pearl grew up very sheltered and among unhealthy marriages she just assumes a girl and a boy together means they’re dating and being “special someones”. she most likely just wants her cousin to be in a happy relationship unlike her parents where her father left both her and her mother but didn’t know any better because she was eight years old.

https://youtu.be/FGAqQkMEKNs?start=674&end=776

now about the parent thing and taking it personal, well my parents too had a huge age-gap of 7 years. but how come is it okay? its because they met when my mum was already a career woman at 26. she’s already an adult when my dad met her. what does this mean? it means my parents were both adults when they’re together, this is why i still like GumMaggey despite their age gap so wide, they first met when Maggey has already had a career, supposedly in her 20′s, she’s a young adult, she can buy alcohol by herself, already knows whats right and wrong and has live life independently, not a still hormonal teenager who depends on one adult figure. did your parents date when your mum is in highschool while your dad is like in his mid 20′s? sorry to hear that.

as for the last three arguments, i don’t even want to touch any of them with a five-foot pole. are you listening to yourself? do you not feel like you’re a creep typing that?

let me give you a benefit of the doubt. yes she’s older and legally an adult, but are you really discrediting the fact they met when Maya was still in highschool? they met and became friends when she’s 17 and he’s 24. sure they barely met during disbarment era, but should that change anything? why should it? how should it? like this?

“Oh this is Maya, i haven’t met her in years but boy she sure has grown up can’t wait to date her since she’s legal now.”

because thats what that argument sounds like, YIKES. 

you know? if they met under a different circumstance and Maya was like 19, i’d let it go. but they didn’t, they met because of a horrible loss, Maya, still in training, 17 lost her big sister and Phoenix, a rookie, at 24 lost his mentor. 

in conclusion, i don’t like naru//mayo at all

pairing them feels like pairing Edgeworth with Kay or Phoenix with Ema, just because they partnered in investigations, make playful jabs at each other, and saved each others’s lives before, people just think they like each other romantically despite their age-gap in first meetings (not to mention Kay sees Edgeworth as somewhat of a father figure, and she’s nearly 18 while Edgeworth is the same age as Phoenix). especially with how Maya, being a zoomer, calls Phoenix an “old fart” and just makes jokes about how so out-of-touch Phoenix is with the modern entertainment.

from observations, i have a huge hunch that almost all of them pair these two because :

1. Maya’s a girl protagonist so its a male protagonist x female protagonist type of deal and despise narumitsu because “yaoi”

2. AA6 she’s an adult so she’s legal which is damn creepy on its own, or last

3. because of Pearl shipping them in game despite being an eight year old and was so sheltered she thought a man and a woman being next to each other means they’re special someones.

either way, i only see them as best friends, sibling-like relationship with self awareness here and there since they tease the audience a lot with their gag “hints” in spin-off mangas and game. 

not only that, it kinda showcase how all male/female bond don’t have to be romantic, they can be just friends or familial and still hang together. another plus for the franchise right after encouraging moving on from ex partners. *glancing at Phoenix//Iris*

and as to the people who pairs this for some odd reasons, sometimes i just want to ask these questions,

“how would you feel if you’re in Phoenix’s shoes? met your mentor’s little sister at age 17 while you’re 24, would you feel romantically interested in this high schooler?” because i don’t, to me anyone 3 years younger than me is like a baby, how would Phoenix feel when Maya’s 7 years younger?

“also... why even? narumitsu and other less questionable pairings are RIGHT THERE in the open!”

but oh well people can like and pair whatever hhh, 

and there you have it, my even longer rambling hahaha sorry;;

Edit : To add the final nail to the coffin, Phoenix outright has said that Maya’s like his kid, like a niece.

Edit 2 : remember that this is simply my personal take, you can somewhat use this to make yourself feel better about your pair nor simply just to hate on the ship itself but do not use this to dictate actual people what to ship and not to ship. 

please don’t be destructive towards others.

[myuntoldstory]

saeran after end after thought

it took me a ducking month and some change because i had to farm hourglasses. when i started playing i kept getting the bad ends and i got so frustrated i didn’t touch the app for two weeks. i had to consult a guide to finally reach the end.

i wanted to play this because i needed to see where jihyun ended up and... well... we all know what happened there. anyway...

i have many thoughts and feelings about this ae. i don’t know if i can ever properly organise them, but i’ll put it in bullet points for now. this is my personal feelings, not any kind of fact. i have nothing against nearly anything and anyone (character or real) involved in this game. i’ll always love and appreciate them for being in this game, for creating this game, for giving us something to love for the past four or five years.

these thoughts are rather unfiltered. this is me coming out hours after finishing the ae. i might change my mind after letting it marinate for a while and after reading up some more about it.

it’s all under the cut. it’s long and rambling. there’s no need to read this, really; the ae is a month old after all, but i just needed to get this out. also, it’s salty as hell. literally saltier than the dead sea. it will dehydrate you... best to not bother with this.

also spoilers.

1. during the first playthrough the game mechanics were wonderful, novel, and immersive. but years later and for the sake of an ae? unnecessary. it’s too long. it’s too much work. i did my due when i played the game during ray’s route. why do i also have to work for something that should have been my reward? why do i still have to worry about hearts, choices, and game branches? why do i have to go through multiple endings? it’s an after end. it’s after the ending.

of course i love new content, i love more content, but not like this. and i know i sound super entitled. if i was impatient i should have justt read the wiki, but i wanted the experience, but not this specific experience. lucky it’s the pandemic and i have more time on my hands, but in normal circumstances my life is very different from what it was in 2016. i can’t be waiting for chats and making plans around it to get to the after ending. honestly i expected something like the secret ends or even similar to the style of jihyun’s ae... but no. apparently, chertiz thinks it’s fun to make us spend three and a half days to reach an AFTER END.

2. saeran choi needs love... but, in my opinion, not ours. not mc’s. the love he needs is his brother’s. the person he needs most is saeyoung choi. he’s suffered so much, endured many things no person should ever endure. of course he deserves romantic love, but i feel like he needed to recover first. that’s why after all this im firmly in the very bare, maybe even empty camp of preferring secret end saeran choi over ray route saeran choi.

3. never in my life has a game made me exhausted about the act of forgiveness. i feel a little sick. it’s terrible to say that, i know, but i am just so emotionally exhausted. there is this heavy feeling in my chest that makes me want to cry because i feel like i somehow destroyed a part of myself?

first it’s the saviour in jihyun’s ae. it’s still her in this ae. but in addition to that there’s also the prime minister? when does it stop? at this point we might as well forgive the twins’ mother too. she imprisoned her own sons to benefit from their father; beat the shit out of and starved saeran to the point that he wanted to die, but there must be a reason behind it, right? like all the villains in this game her choices are not her own; they are the product of their circumstances and we have to understand that.

i just... i understand what cheritz is trying to convey here. and granted saeyoung is not as forgiving, but this isn’t his story. it felt like the forgiveness was nearing some extreme by the end of it. i don’t think there’s anything wrong if you’e unable to forgive. if the only way for you to move forward is to not do so i feel that’s valid. as long as you’re not hurting anyone and that you’re not hurting yourself, you do whatever you need to recover. forgiving is not the only way, the noble way. not everyone’s backstory you have to understand and take into consideration in order to move on. even if they realise what they did was wrong, it’s okay not to forgive. sometimes that’s what we need to take care of ourselves.

im rambling on this point, but im going through this currently. it’s not as extreme as the choi twins or the rfa, but all my life i’ve been forgiving and understanding and it chipped away at me. even at my expense i forgave everything and it landed me in a place im struggling to get out of. i needed justice and this ae didn’t give me a bit of that... at least not in the way i needed.

4. cheritz said this is the grand finale, but... it didn’t feel like it? again this is me being entitled, but i expected something more. something bigger. something poignant because after this mystic messenger is over. i expected some kind of epilogues in the form of story modes. of course i appreciate everything the company has done, especially the efforts of the writers, artists, voice actors, and everyone, but... it’s so rushed? it such a short farewell that instead of getting catharsis and satisfaction i felt... drained. and i feel sad that it’s all over because im not ready to say goodbye and that goodbye is far too short for me.

i don’t know im just sad it’s all over.

also, the conclusion they come to is the dissolution of the rfa once everyone found their happy ending. i... this is a group that has been through some shit and that doesn’t make them closer somehow? the rfa app lies neglected and abandoned as everyone moves on with their lives? that is so... lonely? at least for me.

i mean, of course, not all endings have to be necessarily happy in the “everyone gets together once a week for dinners” kind, but i just... i dont know i expected them to be closer somehow. maybe they are. maybe outside the app they’re all closer, but... i don’t know. i feel sad they’re abandoning the app.

5. and then there’s kim jihyun.

and im... i dont know anymore. if you know me, follow me, or have read any of my fics you know im a jihyun fan. i love that man and YES i know his sins. we all do.

as i played the ae i started to hope that he’d die in the end instead of suffering through this egregious character assassination. yes, i literally preferred that he died and that i go through that pain instead of suffering whatever this is. obviously i dont want him to die, but this is like killing him anyway. they killed the essence of him, who he is as a person. hell, they probably killed him already and just installed a stranger in the ae because that v is not our v. all throughout the game he’s been kind and compassionate and selfless. his whole thing is about protecting the rfa, the mc, saving the saviour, and sacrificing himself for them. this is the idiot who gives you his hearts when you’re being actively nice to his abuser and saeran in his route. his ultimate happy ending involves everyone being happy, reunited, and given the proper mental care. he went away for two years, putting a much needed pause in your budding relationship, not only to recover from his trauma, but also to rescue saeran and help him recover too.

yes, v enabled the saviour even before another story. he lied. he put everyone in danger. he’s reckless and he keeps secrets way more than what’s natural. but he will never let any of them come to harm. my memory is fuzzy but im sure he never lets the rfa get in danger. he was devastated when yoosung got injured. he also tried to rescue seven and mc in the secret ends thats why he got shot. this guy always looks out for everyone. 

in what world is he okay with drugging the twins? making deals with the villains? the idea of trapping the twins in the saviour’s delusional, twisted family life? he’s not the type to be okay just standing there when his best friend’s life is falling apart or for even causing it. when zen, jaehee, and yoosung get backed into the corner he wouldn’t have been just idle. but in this ae all he does is play stacking chairs, buy strawberry yoghurt, and echo the saviour’s words like a puppet. he asks only mc to save herself and like... jesus christ he never gets a break. he doesn’t even get the same gesture of forgiveness everyone and their father gets. he goes through a trial and jail, which is fair enough, but he’s also a victim of abuse and suffering and despair and mental illness. but somehow because it’s v it’s okay that this is all he gets. somehow he doesn’t deserve any compassionate resolution.

literally the only time he’s happy is his route and after end and even then that happiness is not his own. even then there were concessions to be made before he could get it.

seriously. it seems like cheritz hates him. they think little to nothing of him. if that’s the case why even make content for him? he’s not even meant to be romanceable in the original stories. they could’ve just ignored the petitions and left him as a side character. i mean, i dont know if i prefer that honestly, i do appreciate the content we got, but as his fan it hurts to see all this half-hearted decisions. and to see all this hate still pouring out for him, now magnified because of this ae.

this is like a tiring odyssey, starting way back when he got shot and killed all because he loved someone. he loved the wrong person and it’s the wrong kind of love and he committed his crimes because of it. he had a hand in making the rfa and mc suffer, but still all he did was love. and i know that sounds blind and naive and ignorant and im sorry for not picking up the nuances of his relationship with the saviour, but that’s all i saw. i saw a guy loving the wrong person and it made him make all the wrong choices leading to a bad life.

gah. i am drained people. i am drained, and frustrated, and tired.

[fizzingwizard]

Digimon Adventure: Ep 19!

Wow! That certainly was an Episode!! It was pretty fun from start to finish, though nothing mind-blowing, but it was definitely the ending that made me gasp. Not wholly unexpected to an old turnip like me, but promising lots of fun (and angst!).

Picture of the week: MIKO, THE TRUE STAR OF THE SERIES!!

no for serious are the writers reading my reviews? they keep giving me what I want. within reason I guess. They seem to have an extremely limited budget as usual x’D

but Miko is still adorbs

ok I’m really looking forward to recapping this one so let’s get to it!

So last week I thought the kids sans Taichi and Yamato were abducted by Devimon, but apparently that either isn’t the case, or it was, but then Devimon decided it’s best just to dump the kids back on Earth and hold on to their partners. Because that’s the current situation. While concerning that the kids are separated from their partners, it’s probably best this way, since Devimon appears to be sending Gesomon(?) and Parrotmon(?)

to the human world, if I remember right. It’s hard to remember what happened in the first fifteen seconds kay So when the kids find their partners it will probably be in the human world and they can fight back.

Meanwhile Taichi and Yamato are alone and very Confuse

Taichi tries frantically to contact Koushirou. The others too... but especially Koushirou.

Finally he gets him!! He’s so happy!! My Taishiro heart flutters!

But I was fully expecting it to be a trap. When I saw this still here, my first thought was “Devimon’s forcing him to tell Taichi a lie by threatening him with a gun!!”

of course thats not whats happening. Koushirou is relatively fine and there are no guns (yet). What’s happened is the other kids have been sent back to the human world for reals this time!

This show is not even bothering to hide its Taiyama angle.

They spend the entire episode giving each other Significant Looks like this. The entire episode.

Now where’s Jou through all of this, you ask?

He went to talk to the police. He’s shocked they don’t believe his story about monster attacks and the world ending (well, at least Tokyo ending). I freaking love how taaaaall Jou is. Though it makes Koushirou look like a bean x’D

Jou = beansprout / Koushirou = bean

Koushirou has a much easier time dealing with the news that the police don’t believe them. He’s a denizen of the Internet. He knows how people’s minds work. And he has tons of chat logs to prove it.

People are chatting and spreading gossip and disbelief and complaints, but my favorite is the comment that just says “It’s a flood of fake news” xP

The home team runs into Mama Yagami! Who Sora literally calls Mama Yagami! x’D I mean I know that’s how kids generally refer to their friends’ parents but I still lol’d.

So un... Jou is almost as tall as Mama Yagami. LMAO. I’m gonna assume she’s short. Jou might indeed be quite tall for his age but Sora and Mimi are pretty close to Mama Yagami’s height too. I guess we haven’t seen Taichi standing next to his mom yet! With his hair he’s probably taller than her.

So Mama Yagami is HILARIOUS and I’m so glad that’s a continuing thing in the reboot! She was already that way in 99 Adventure, but we’re just seeing a lot of it now - like every time she’s around. (And we didn’t see it in Tri so I missed that.) Basically she seems like a basketcase. Not a totally irresponsible one, more like just... generally the carefree go with the flow type. Which is not bad. She just also seems a bit, uh, ditzy?? I think Taichi probably grew to be so serious by necessity. Dad’s busy with work and someone’s gotta make sure mom doesn’t leave the house without her keys!

The way Sora just stares at Hikari like “explain??” after Mama Yagami thrusts Miko at her and runs off to get her car with a big smile as if they hadn’t all nearly died recently... bahahaha.

also I love how she doesn’t even bother asking her son’s good friend if she knows where he is after not seeing or hearing from him for three full days

^The face of a boy shouldering the weight of nuclear family life and all its batshitness

Taichi and Yamato determine their priority is find the Holy Digimon. I wish they were a little more concerned with what happened to their friends’ partners, but I guess this is the only goal with solid clues. Anyway before they can do anything they are attacked by Bulbmon Looks like subtitlers went with Valvemon which also works, who looks like a Lego monster creation by an eight year old (and probably is).

He has the Domo face. Grrraaah

Domo is NHK mascot by the way. bahahaha

Next these guys come swarming out of Valvemon. (And if we didn’t already get it, apparently Digimon can construct other Digimon as we’ve seen before.) Nothing is quite as freaky as gas masks. They are commanded by Minotaurmon/Mintaromon whatever.

They too have the aim of Stormtroopers though so our heroes will be fine...

... probably...

... then Leomon finally shows up!! Yay! He looks good! All beefy and scarred and sounding exactly like Zaraki Kenpachi. Uhh. Is it the same VA?? Nothing comes up in the Google search so maybe not but it sure sounds like him. (Minotaurmon and Ogremon also sound like Leomon... while it’s normal for VAs in kids shows to voice multiple characters esp minor ones, it literally sounds like Zaraki Kenpachi is the voice of all the characters in this episode besides the main ones. And Mama Yagami of course because that would be weird.)

Leomon may look cool, but his ride... and his friends... uh, less cool x’D I want to strangle that ostrich thing with its own scarf somehow it inspires violent emotion in me

In the smallest, most shocked voice, Yamato says, “Leomon...?” It’s honestly kind of adorable. He’s clearly remembering what Neemon said about Leomon leading the resistance way back when.

Leomon helps them escape. Taichi very considerately and cutely helps Agumon aboard the fashion disaster ostrich emu thing.

Yamato also considerately helps his partner but rather less cutely xD

Leomon takes them to his hideout and gives them your standard fare of weird-looking Digi fruit. He then proceeds to tell them about Devimon and that he is trying to infiltrate Valvemon yadda yadda.

Taichi is freaking ADORABLE, immediately concerned that by saving their asses, Leomon’s battle plans have been ruined. Leomon waves that aside though. Yamato is equally adorabibble when he asks after Neemon and gets told that they made it to Leomon safely.

Leomon plans to try to get into Valvemon again because he knows Devimon’s put something related to the holy Digimon in there. Taichi is determined to join in. He doesn’t have much of an argument as it why they should be allowed when they just got their butts kicked so easily, but he has a trick up his sleeve: the Burning Eyes of Fiery Passion.

Not to be outdone, Yamato shoots off his Icy Eyes of Cold Determination.

Faced with this twin assault, Leomon has to give in. Ahh, I remember last week when we saw the trailer for this ep and I naively thought Leomon would train them like Piximon did in 99 Adventure. Nope. They’ve just met and they’re already spy buddies.

Okay, okay, yeah Leomon does seem to have some knowledge of the “Chosen Children” and that’s his real motivation. Still.

They break into Valvemon and we get the excellent invention of Agumon riding on Garurumon. I assume because of Garurumon’s advantageous speed. That seems to be recurring thing in this show.

Idk I just capped this because he’s so darn cute

I don’t know why I capped this one though.

They enter some sort of central space where Leomon tells them something relevant to the holy Digimon is being kept. (Lol I already forgot the details of what he said.) There are two protectors, Minotaurmon and Bullmon. Leomon tells the kids to take Bullmon while he faces down Minotaurmon. These guys might have been somewhat intimidating if we hadn’t already got Perfect level evolutions mastered, not to mention the occasional Jogress :P Sooo I didn’t feel too worried.

... uh, never mind x’D Taichi what are you doing

Yamato saves his idiot butt and almost gets in a bind himself. Once again I’m just wondering why they are sticking at Adult level. Whatever. They win of course

Leomon uses his Fist of the Beast King to maim Minotaurmon. His brilliant one-liner? “I have more than one first.”

Bully: *punches you*

You: ow

Bully: *smirk* I have more than one fist.

You: That’s funny, I only have one, but it’s made of titanium *You punch the bully straight through the stratosphere* Quality over quantity!!!!

*cough*

Our heroes approach the secret compartment supposedly holding something to do with the holy Digimon... Yamato gets a look inside and gets the black shadow of true terror over his eyes

becaue floating inside like some kind of Weapon X experiment is... Takeru!!!

Hold on while I put in my ear plugs. Okay, ready, screech all you want now.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

So... okay. First of all, baby Takeru is sooooooo cute <3 I had two predictions about what happened to Takeru last week. Either he ended up in the digital world and was now on his own, or he got abducted by Devimon. I thought the former was more likely, but in hindsight, it should have been obvious that it was the second. This show misses a lot of points where I feel like they could have developed some relationships or thrown in some drama, but it never passes up a chance for Yamato angst.

So yeah, this is pretty much gonna destroy Yamato xD Not only is the baby brother he wanted to protect no longer at home where he can easily protect him, he’s now in the digital world and in the enemy’s clutches.

I BETTER SEE REALLY TRAUMATIZED YAMATO NEXT WEEK. Of course, I expect him to be cool-headed enough to try to save Takeru, but I will be very disappoint if this goes off with no break downs at all. Takeru is always Yamato’s number one priority!

Super exciteddddd

So I give this ep 7.5/10. The .5 is pretty much for ending with a killer cliffhanger. My one real complaint about this ep is how highly plot-based everything is - we finally got the team all together only to split them up, and on top of that, once split up, we don’t even get all that many character moments between Taichi and Yamato. As I said, they give each other lots of Signifcant Looks, but man cannot live on bread alone. However this is par for the course for this show and I know I should stop mentioning it every week because I doubt it’s changing. We will get the big shockers when we get them and not a moment before.

I just want Yamato to cry in front of Taichi and make him all uncomfortable x’D That’s what made 99 Adventure so great bahahaha

Some cool bits from next week’s trailer:

Surprise surprise, Angemon is the holy Digimon! Or one of, anyway. And he is indeed trapped. This makes the “Angemon is Devimon” theory less likely. Let’s not forget that our heroes’ Digimon partners were evidently a band of powerful warriors in the past, but they’ve forgotten much of it. I won’t be surprised if the result of that war played a part in Angemon’s abduction.

Next week they’ll have to fight to save Takeru from being drained, I guess.

And then!! Digi egg! Excite. Also I only just noticed that his hate says TK!!!

Takeruuu <3 My first fav when I was 10. Though my heart has belonged to Taichi for many long years, I still have a special spot in it for Takeru only <3 Even if he does dress like a celery stick

[paintmelikeoneofyourfrenchpoodle]

((Alright, so this is probably way overdo.

Why the heck Jade gets so weird about sex sometimes:

Alright, so this is going to be a little ridiculously long, but if you want to know? I’m putting it under the cut. Also, TW: there is a brief mention of abuse. Not of her, but its relevant. I’ll also put another warning when that part is about to come up. 

Okay so, I’m going to start of with some context. So for anyone who might not know, this Jade is pretty old. I started rping her as her back in… I think late December of 2015 or early January of 2016? Either way, it was a few months before Homestuck actually ended. At this point obviously we had no idea how it was going to end, or what was going to happen to the characters at that point. Heck, if I remember correctly GIGAPAUSE, or whatever it was called, was still going on.

Anyway, didn’t know they were going basically jump start civilization and jump into the future, that’s for sure. So, not knowing how things were going to turn out for Jadey girl here, I basically made some educated guesses based on what we knew at the time, and mixed in my own ideas and head-canons to create the timeline this Jade now exists in. This included the loss of the meteor lab, building a new civilization from the ground up (and actually sticking around to help build it), and having everyone live in a fairly small, tight knit community. Mind you, some minor things have changed to reflect the retcon John did, but mostly I’ve kept things fairly the same.

So what does this mean for Jade or have anything to do with her sexuality? We’ll get to that, but I’m going to prelude things by saying it isn’t just sex she gets worked up about. It’s relationships and intimacy in general, and there isn’t really one set reason why. There is a gosh darn list.

1) She doesn’t have the best social skills. Growing up on an island with the only human contact being through the internet isn’t exactly the best way to nurture healthy emotional development. To top it all off, she spent those 3 years on the ship basically alone thinking she killed John and Davesprite. She isn’t a complete social ignoramus obviously, but she has her awkward moments and she KNOWS it. Which, can give her some major social anxiety in general. And as far as relationships, even friendships go, she is constantly worried she is going to screw things up. She also just wasn’t used to people in general for a good while. 

Mind you, it’s almost been 10 years since the end of the game now from her perspective so she has improved drastically, but there are still some hangups that she has. For example, she doesn’t handle crowds well considering she was so used to being alone. Can Town is full mostly people she is familiar with and the population is only 1,000ish, so she is mostly in her comfort zone still even during busier occasions. However, notice Jake and her chose to move outside of town when they got the chance? There you go. 

2) She isn’t used to physical touch. Which… is really sad considering how much she actually loves it. Again, this is something that has improved over the years, but she still doesn’t like being messed with by people she doesn’t know.

3) She honestly thinks that in the end she will end up alone. Jade, hasn’t exactly had the best luck with romance. Remember, her timeline is fairly small, and pretty much everyone she might be compatible with already paired up with someone else. To top it off, she had (and still kind of has) a massive crush on her timeline’s Dave, and built up a lot of false hope that something might eventually happen between the two of them thanks to John telling her about Davesprite and Davepeta kissing her that one time. Yeah, that didn’t happen. He ended up getting with Karkat finally when they were around 22, and while she is happy for them and supports them in any way she can, it kind of broke her heart. 

She also hasn’t had the best luck with people she’s been interested in online/from other timelines either. Usually, by the time she realizes she might be interested in someone they end vanishing, dating someone else, or they actually… end up being kinda awful people she shouldn’t have liked in the first place. (*cough*Venom*cough*) Also, she has a habit of dwelling on the whole “space players are destined to be alone” thing from time to time. Over the years she has genuinely started to think that she just isn't cut out for being anyones partner romantic/sexual/otherwise, and that people aren’t ever going to be interested in her for whatever reason. She’s built up this shell around herself, this illusion that she has come to terms with things, so that when that eventuality happens, she’ll maybe not be hurt so badly. So when someone shatters that illusion? She panics and gets flustered, and remember… she is related to these guys:

(Mind you Jake had plenty of reason to act like that, but it was the only one I could find with a quick google search.)

But yeah, I think big reactions kind of runs in her family.

4) She’s inexperienced. Three times as of this point. Yep. Thats it. That’s all she has done. Ever. Don’t get her wrong, she has really enjoyed it and really gets into things once she was able to get over the jitters. Plus, she was the one that asked for it each time. But she doesn’t like not knowing what she is doing, and it wigs her out because she doesn’t want to mess things up. Also fun fact, she’s never been on a non pale date before. Just throwing that in there.

5) The whole being part dog thing. As much as she loves being part canine, she actually can be real self conscious about it at times. Also, she *hates* how people will sometimes look at her as a fetish, and gets worried that if someone is interested in her its because she is a dog girl, and not because of who she is. She does enjoy indulging in her dog side (girl likes being pet), but she wants to make sure someone to see her as herself first and foremost. Being part dog should just be a bonus.

6) She’s a bit of a hopeless romantic. She wants to actually have a connection with people, and honestly is that so wrong? One night stands, flings, or casual whatevers aren’t completely out of the question, but at least give her a chance to be friends with you first geez. 7) She’s scared of being hurt. This is kind of caused by a combination of things up top, but she genuinely is afraid of the idea of being fucked and dumped. She’s got enough emotional issues as is, and does not need that on her conscious as well. Getting intimate with her in any way can take a lot of trust depending on the person. Additionally… 

*Okay, so here is the part I warned about up top.* She has had far too many friends who have been taken advantage of and abused. There have been several people that she has been close to over the years that have been seriously messed up by their partners. Jade’s smart and she knows it, but she also knows she can be really naive about certain things as well. It’s kind of the cherry on top of all her paranoia.

Okay bad part over

So yeah! This is ridiculously long, but there you go. I feel like it is important to note that Jade does really enjoy being with someone intimately and/or sexually given the chance. It just can take some work getting her out of her shell. It’s something she knows she needs to work on, and would like to. However, she hasn’t really ever had many opportunities to.

Also, her behaviors really only apply to herself for the most part. She might get a little embarrassed by other people talking about their own stuff from time to time, but she actually can get a real kick out of it sometimes as well. Has been known to have lengthy conversations with people about their own preferences, sexual interests, habits, ect. She will even tease other people about it! It’s when it gets flipped back on her somehow that she starts getting worked up. Heck, she is normally fine with people getting her flustered because she *knows* a lot of her own behavior is ridiculous, and that when people pick at her it is usually harmless friend banter.  She also usually knows when people are being truly malicious towards her and WILL defend herself. Don’t think she is a pushover just because she looks like she is an easy target. This girl has some bite alongside that bark.

Anyway, there is probably some more I could add to this but again it is stupid long at this point. I hope this isn’t too confusing and explains a few things.

[risrielthron]

Who We Were

This took a good long while because there was a retcon in November of 2015 that kinda forced Risri into hiatus. When I brought her back for the paper in 2016, some details changed but still this was an eye-opening exercise of how I’ve grown as both an RPer and a writer. Anything that does not have brackets is the same.

Take a trip down memory lane, pull up the oldest ‘about’ post you can find for your character, and annotate what has changed and what has stayed the same in {Curly brackets}. 

(I borrowed this from @alyssa-ward​​ because what a cool exercise)

Originally posted October 4, 2015

Character’s full name: Risri Elthron Reason or meaning of name:  combination of Mother's best friend's name (still alive) and her mother's sister who died - Rislana (best friend) and Kiari (sister). The Elthron family have mostly played a back seat in the history of the Kaldorei. {Both of these origins have kind of changed. Risri’s name became a place that her parents named her after, something that was important to her father’s family in an RP with her aunt. The last name Elthron was chosen by Risri during her exile her original family name is Kal’serrar.} Character’s nickname:  Ris Reason for nickname: just a short form of Risri

Physical appearance

Age: 403 {she has aged 1 rl year each year since 2015 she is currently 408 years old} How old does he/she appear: to a human about 20ish {I actually think now she probably seems a little older to people) Weight: We don't ask ladies this! Though she looks healthy and toned. {I figure she’s whatever the average weight is for female elves} Height: Average for a Kaldorei {This has changed a bit. I have her just a tad shorter than Dragaur in human form so she’s 6’2” which apparently is short for an elf} Body build: She's not a body builder but her activities keep her in shape. Shape of face: Typical Kaldorei {She did not have a face claim at the time nor did she have art.  Her face looks like this art the most.}

Eye color: White {I list it as silver now} Glasses or contacts: none Skin tone: light purplish Distinguishing marks: Claw tattoo (gained during her Druid initiation ceremony) Hair color: Purple Type of hair: Long Hairstyle: up in a ponytail or straight down her back {when I first made Risri I had her in the pigtail hair style. I quickly didnt like how it looks and changed it to the long style she sports now. It has not changed since} Voice: typically soft {I imagine her voice and accent a bit like Gal Gadot’s natural voice} Overall attractiveness: again not really caught up in her appearance so someone may need to tell her and even then she will more than likely blush and stammer a thank you. {This has changed so so much from when I first created her.  She knows she is lovely and she will probably think you want something from her if you flatter her appearance.} Physical disabilities: none Usual fashion of dress: For events: dresses...she has discovered she likes pretty pretty dresses.  For class: simple black pants and a simple shirt  {So this too has changed from when I first created her.  She aims for comfort and style. She most often will be found in one of these} Favorite outfit: Dresses, she found a lovely gold and white dress that has become her favorite {I dont even know what dress this was but Im sure it was something from my early days on wra-I would say her favorite outfit is probably one of the ones above} Jewelry or accessories: She wears a button on a string around her neck. She fondles it every so often. {The button on a string has actually moved to her bag, she now sports a ruby necklace from Dragaur, her bracelet with several charms on it, and always has her camera}

Personality

Alignment: Good {I think I would classify Risri now as more neutral these days} Good personality traits: Loves animals, children, books, meeting new people (even though she can be shy, she enjoys it), giving, loyal  {This is all true except for the shyness, I don’t actually rp Risri as shy. She may be standoffish but thats cause IRL I am shy but Risri most definitely has no fear of talking to people} Bad personality traits: shyness can sometimes stop her from joining in, when she is caught up in research she may ignore others not to be hurtful she just gets caught up  {I think this one goes with the other, as for bad traits today, I usually say she can be stuck in her ways at times and can be over protective} Mood character is most often in: happy {I would say this is still true but she’s had her share of pain} Sense of humor:  silly things make her laugh {Not so much silly things but she definitely has a more snarky is funny sense of humor} Character’s greatest joy in life: running in the forest as a cat {Taking pictures and being a druid are equal} Character’s greatest fear: the death of her mother {This has actually come out in RP as a fear of mind control.  She would fear the death of her mother but mind control tops it.} Why?  Her mother and her are very close (unusual for Kaldorei, as they grow up communally typically), travelling with her mother in her formative years they relied upon each other What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Ris would be devastated if something happened to her mother  {I think the death of Latilda, and then when she thought Dragaur was dead, and subsequently the death of Suzi in the office are three of the most profound things that made Risri change some. Her fel contamination would come a close fourth Currently, if something was to really happen to Dragaur, Sky, or Selise it would mess up Risri for a while} Character is most at ease when: Researching {Funnily enough this might still be true, but I would say taking pictures is probably more} Most ill at ease when: at war {This is true, but as she found out both at Darkshore and recently when there are forsaken involved she has no hesitation in killing.} Enraged when: witnessing senseless destruction of sacred places or artifacts {I completely forgot that I chose that, but I would say it has not changed. She also does not stand for people she cares about being hurt, this one is tricky though and I often have to tame it down because of interactions with others.} Depressed or sad when:  she is a pretty positive individual, depression and sadness are fleeting if they happen at all. {This has matured over time. She gets very introspective at times and definitely will seek alone time when she is sad.} Priorities: Learn about as many cultures as she can, current focus is Treants. {So long ago… Her priorities currently are her studio, Dragaur, and helping the Kaldorei still homeless.} Life philosophy: Learn, Learn, Learn then share it all!  {This was definitely written back in my Stormwind University days. Her philosophy “Be kind. It’s worthwhile to make an effort to learn about other people and figure out what you might have in common with them.”} Character’s soft spot: her Sprite Darter "Flutter" {Also a certain worgen} Is this soft spot obvious to others? Sometimes {while I dont play it up too much she is very attached to Flutter. As for the worgen, yes when they are together it is clear she has a soft spot for the gruff one} Greatest strength: Passion for learning {This is probably still true but I would say she also is a pretty good photographer and a loyal friend.} Greatest vulnerability or weakness:  Naivety of how the world really works even though she has travelled the two main continents extensively she has been sheltered by her mother. {This was one of the things I retconned out of her when I brought her back for the paper. Risri may be unknowing of some human interactions but she is far from naive in most cases.} Biggest regret: That one time at band camp...seriously she is young so right now she doesn't have one but this may play into her development and story later. {HUGE change here... in fleshing her out in RP the biggest regret is and always will be the incident that forced her out of the Sentinels but not the results because it let her become a druid so its a double edged regret} Minor regret: she forgot to tell her mom about the time she ...oh that might not be appropriate for here {Again a change that came about from RP, that she threatened Dragaur with turning him in. She would never do that and she said it in a moment of frustration with him during a fight. It hurt them both too much.} Biggest accomplishment: coming soon  {Running the paper. Opening her studio. either} Minor accomplishment: joining the University! {so many things, her writings, some of her photographs, saving people at Teldrassil, helping the Kaldorei in Stormwind.} Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: she was almost not able to become a druid...story for another time {This also changed with the retcon, but I would say the time she spent before coming to Stormwind would be something she would not want others to know about and will probably not talk about to anyone.} Why?  She loves being a druid so not being one… {I have thoughts about what she was doing but its not fleshed out. Maybe someday and I can revisit this.} Character’s darkest secret: She is a pretty open book. Maybe later she will have a "dark" secret.  {So this dark secret is the fact that she killed 10 Sentinels. That also came with the revamp.} Does anyone else know?  {Several people.}

Goals

Drives and motivations: Curiosity unusual for a Kaldorei and need to have answers to questions  { I would say this is somewhat still there and aided her when she was a reporter, but her drives and motivations are deeper now and the result of RP. She wants to make amends and sees her work with the Kaldorei refugees as part of that.} Immediate goals: Make friends with the treant she met at the Grove of Ancients {Keep her business running, aid the Kaldorei} Long term goals: Become an expert in as many cultures as she can {Live} How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Locate writings and interviewing others, spending time with treants ((her contact will be sending her around Azeroth and Draenor to meet with others)) {So her plan for her immediate goals are tied together. She takes a good portion of her profits from the studio and the two books she’s published to fund her relief efforts} How other characters will be affected: may be pestered for any little detail they have about treants  {Most of the people she interacts with in RP would not be impacted.}

Past

Hometown: Darnassus  {God I was such a noob.  Feralas is her home.} Type of childhood: travelled both continents with her mother {so noob. She spent her youth in Feralas, Ashenvale, and Darkshore.} Pets: Sprite Darter named Flutter and a curious little white kitten {I retconned the kitten. Its only Flutter} First memory: Leaves above her (could be why she is fascinated with the treants...) {I think I’ll leave this one.} Most important childhood memory: Her and her mother on a ship talking into the night {This can stay too} Why?  The closeness she felt to her mother {Because of this reason}

Present

Current location: Elwynn Forest, Jazimina Amberstill's "Ranch" {Stormwind City, either Dragaur’s apartment or her studio} Currently living with: Jazimina Amberstill and Ritti {Dragaur} Pets: Sprite Darter "Flutter" Religion: Follower of Elune {no change, add wild gods} Occupation: Researcher {Photographer} Finances: moderate {no change though she has more wealth than she lets on}

Family

Mother:  Kahrysta Elthron  {Oh wow I totally changed her mother’s name.. Its Alistra Kal’serrar } Relationship with her: good {excellent} Father: Brezlin Elthron Relationship with him: vague memories, he died when she was still a child Siblings: none Relationship with them: Spouse: none Relationship with him/her: Children: none {though she briefly adopted Ritti before they found the gnome’s family} Relationship with them: Other important family members: Mother's best friend Rislana is like an aunt  {her aunt Tara, cousins, and another aunt I dont have a name for.}

Favorites

Color: Green and Purple {blues could be added} Least favorite color: Orange {sorry Drag, but I dont think its true anymore} Music: any Food: Chocolate Cookies {See answer here} Literature: Any Form of entertainment: stories {plays, dances could be added} Expressions: "Indeed!" {Its not often I get to use it but I do like it} Mode of transportation: Winterspring Frostsaber, given to her by her mother when she hit adulthood (about 50 years ago) or flight form  {Flight form.  The frostsaber went away in the retcon} Most prized possession: her journal {Camera}

Habits

Hobbies: Dabbles in alchemy {more than dabbles now} Plays a musical instrument? No Plays a sport: no How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading a book, any book {taking pictures} Spending habits: thrifty {for herself this is probably true, for others she can be extravagant} Smokes: no  Drinks: not normally  {no change, but she will drink} Other drugs: no What does he/she do too much of? Read  {Take pictures} What does he/she do too little of?  Socialize just for fun {This is probably more true now since giving up the paper} Extremely skilled at:  Keeping a team alive when faced with challenges when exploring  {Photography, writing could be added} Extremely unskilled at:  a lot of things but she does hate cooking {LIES...I retconned this. She loves to cook. I don’t know...but I am sure there is something. It would probably be something she doesn’t do and has no desire to do.} Nervous tics: not sure someone may need to point that out to her  {She plays with the bracelet on her wrist when she’s nervous. } Usual body posture: relaxed and happy Mannerisms: polite {extremely so} Peculiarities: …  {hmm, I am sure there are some that have manifested over the five years I’ve been RPing her. Perhaps how she will always address a human as their full name unless she has been asked not to and will still use Ms. Mrs. Miss. Mr. with that name unless she feels close to you.}

Traits

Optimist or pessimist: Optimist Introvert or extrovert: Introvert until she gets to know you then she might not be quiet {I would say shes more mixed now.} Daredevil or cautious?: A little of both Logical or emotional: Emotional  {probably more mixed now though she can be emotional she just normally doesn’t let it show unless she is very comfortable with you} Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat: somewhere in between, depends on how wrapped up she is in her research but she does have a habit of cleaning up if there is a mess  { I would say she is very neat. Sky drives her crazy.} Prefers working or relaxing:  working {definitely would say this is still true} Confident or unsure of himself/herself: unsure internally, others probably see her as confident  {a little of this still lingers but unless you are close to her you wont see it} Animal lover: indeed

Self-Perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: an introvert who is more bookish than social  {This is still kinda true.} One word the character would use to describe self: shy  {Quiet} One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: A passionate learner and studier of peoples, loves animals, enjoys outdoors, and exploring is exciting.  {A memory keeper, lover of animals and the outdoors, her passion for photography as a way to preserve memories is high.} What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? her passion for learning  {her compassion for others} What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? her shyness ((its all in her head too, she really can be quite un-shy when meeting new races or investigating something though in social entertainment type situations she is at a loss)) {so retconned, she would say her possessiveness when it comes to the people she cares about.} What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? She is unaware of her appearance most of the time  {She likes her hair.} What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? She hates her feet...not really  {I’ll keep this if only cause I dont know} How does the character think others perceive him/her: She sometimes thinks too much about this and sometimes it doesn't bother her at all  {She is very conscious of being a Kaldorei business woman in a human society. She strives to show that her people are trustworthy and kind.} What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: her shyness  {Since I retconned the shyness...I don’t know...Risri believes she can be a better person but its something that you work on each day.} 

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: opportunity to learn  {She is still curious about others and likes people watching. She thinks most people are good at heart.} Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others: hmm, I think this will depend upon the relationship and situation  {Oh most definitely, this was honed during her time as a reporter where she hid a lot of her thoughts about things.} Person character most hates: no one (yet)  {Elyza Morrowbranch} Best friend(s): her mother / Jazi  {Sky Stoneseat} Love interest(s): none (yet)  {Dragaur} Person character goes to for advice: her mother / Dean Crowelley  { Dragaur, Sky, Selise} Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Ritti  {Dragaur, Sky } Person character feels shy or awkward around: cute boys...oh ok anyone in an entertainment social situation, when she is meeting others for what she calls "research" she emulates her mother's ambassador ways as much as possible  {So such a noob.  She really doesn’t except older Kaldorei...she worries what they know of her past.} Person character openly admires: her mother and Rislana Silverwind  {Who is Rislana Silverwind omg I totally forgot this was a thing. Will have to think of someone else as Rislana is a Draenei now.  As for who she admires?  Her mother, Selise, Sky, Eilithe, Feyawen, Anegorn, and a few others.} Person character secretly admires: Dean Crowelley {I don’t think there is anyone she secretly admires, if she likes you, you know.} Most important person in character’s life before story starts: her mother  After story starts:  Ritti, Jazi, and the university faculty  {Dragaur, Sky, Selise}

If you made it here thanks for looking at the changes of Risri over the course of the last five years.  Its been a long, strange, crazy trip but I wouldn’t change much about it. If you want to do this, I encourage you to! And tag me cause I wanna read!

[littlewheat]

People really don’t like the Leviathan season of Supernatural? It might be one of the top seasons for me tbh. I thought this back in 2014 when I watched it at 17 for the first time and after rewatching the show all over again at 24... I still really like season 7 and I feel like everyone gives it such a bad rep. Like sure- I guess it veers less into biblical armageddon or classic ghost-hunting but... its full throttle monster heisting and I love that shit.

Plus! You get ghost!bobby, insane!Sam and we meet Frank and Charlie and Garth. Sure they’re wacky characters... but they are a really fun ensemble to add in with the main characters since said main characters have became a little...inhuman.

I mean... they’ve both died and been to hell at this point. They’ve both derailed human history in various ways. Like sure... I think Season 3 might be its strongest season. If I were to go in order ( after being obsessed in HS and then rewatching now at S7E20) I’d order my favorite seasons as follows: 3 ( I love the countdown to hell hounds killing Dean. The OC moments as both contemplate the afterlife for an entire season. The bittersweet bits are so good probably because - at this point- Sam and Dean are still human. I say that because, yes, they remain human. But they certainly lose their humanity in every passing season. So season 3? Hits harder with pending death than season 5 because they’re so much more naive. They ( Dean ) make decisions based on their own existence. Not the existence of humanity. That all changes when Castiel comes around and he’s top favorite character with Dean but his presence really... changes everything - also I feel the need to note that 16 year old Cas started watching SPN - and I could be wrong- but I’m pretty sure I watched it enetirely because Castiel intrigued me and I thought Dean was cute. Both are still true and I watch the show specifically for them still and maybe it shows but whatever. I love them. Also! 16 year old Cas didn’t know she was bisexual/ace and didn’t know why she was so conforted by a seemingly vaguely ace!Castiel and Deans OBVIOUS bisexuality or how in love Castiel is with Dean... ( Also my name is Cas guys, sorry for any confusion) )

Then its Season 4 because Castiel and Biblical seals and angels and demons and Dean has massive angst as the Righteous man, etc. its another very fun countdown to releasing Satan and Cas popping into Dean’s dreams? The secrets between the brothers gets old real quick especially in any season after this one. If ever I’m okay with it? Its this season. But back to my note about their humanity- its this season where Sam loses his. Dean loses it in season 5, maybe. But Sam loses it first and its what prompts Dean to be so damn closed off and invulnerable. But for this season? For this season he falls in love with Castiel- an angel. He has ti deak with the trauma of Hell. He is so lost and confused and I guess I relate to that. The way he grasps onto what he can. Does his best. But can still be so easily crushed by the reality that he’s not enough despite him knowing that. Its when he starts taking the world on his shoulders in heavier doses. Probably because they actually have to now. Because the two brothers are the big chess pieces to end the world.

Season 2 ( glorious season) - I love love LOVE this season. The biggest issue for our boys? Killing the damn yellow eyed demon and why does Sam have demon blood? Whats the chosen one situation? Etc.etc. So fun! The first episode has the out of body experience with Dean and I am obsessed with it. Their dad finally dies (RIP its very sad but was super necessary methinks) and the grand finale of Dean selling his soul/ the brothers opening the gate to hell in the first place? *chefs kiss* cuz its that exact finale that makes season 3 just so damn good. The contemplation of good and evil. The value of a human soul. The way Dean doesnt even consider it a sacrifice because he thought he was supposed to be dead and entire season ago anyways and he makes a stupid decision but a necessary one! He fulfills his big brother duties! And in season three you almost see him relieved for the first time his entire life! And in season 4 he’s so vulnerable “what makes me so special that angels brought me back?” And thats why I - who would have normally put season 5 next... will not. Because I will never forgive Dean for being a coward and running away. I know he redeems himself almost instantly. He rocks up to Michael and Lucifer and gets beat about it. But I think thats how Dean loses his humanity ( in the most human way possible) is hy running away from respnsibilty ( ugh and for the first fucking time in his life, too. Like goddammit.)Season 7, Season 5, I fucking hate season 6 and if I ever see Grandpa Samuel ever again I will do what I did during my rewatch and skip all his lines. I just hate him and he never needed a big role. Or any role. Ever.

[esepoimipullula]

So, there’s this reply to that “do you ever read you friend’s writing and you wonder why they even put up with you” post, about how that’s an unhealthy attitude that will only hurt both you and your friend, even if you pass it off as a joke. About how you should try to better your writing because you love writing and it gives you joy and improving makes you feel proud, not because you keep comparing yourselves to others or because you’ve been told you can’t be too confident in your achievements and now think hating everything you create is the way to improve when it’s really just a way to both destroy your self-esteem and make creating unnecessarily difficult. And the thing is, I agree with it. The wording feels a bit harsh to me, but I’m kind of an oversensitive softie, and I suppose people do need a good kick in the pants once in a while. And I really do agree.

I think love is fundamental, and if you don’t love writing or what you write, you should either stop or take a good, long pause to figure out if you can love it, again or at all. I write because I love it. Or at least, I feel something close to love for it. I don’t really think about it. Sometimes a sentence, a description or a line of dialogue or a simile or anything else, pops into my mind out of the blue and I’m like either, “Oh, what is that? Who or what is it about? Where do is it lead me?” or “Yes, that’s it, hold that until a less ungodly hour/a moment when I’m free to try and do something with it or at the very least write it down.” Sometimes I’m watching or reading or doing something and my brain says, “Yeah, but you know what would be cool? If this thing happened to these characters!”, and the thing that should totally happen to the characters may or may not be related in any way to the thing I’m watching or reading or doing. And sometimes I have a sudden craving for a certain story or character or scene, or a want that has built up through years, but of course I know I won’t find any piece of fiction that fits my tastes exactly and precisely and because I don’t know any writers who happen to be mindreaders and I’m not about to become the kind of prompter who feeds the plot almost line by line to the unlucky writer their asking for a story, so in the end I go, “You know what? This is actually a very good idea and it’s a shame no one has written it yet so I’ll just do it myself!” And sometimes I feel frustrated or unsatisfied or irritated or even just a little too frantic and in too deep to actually feel any love or joy or anything else while I’m writing rather than when I take a step back to reread and edit what I’ve written, but I wouldn’t trade all those other “sometimes” I’ve just mentioned for anything in the world. And honestly, I wouldn’t do it even with these less pleasant “sometimes,” as much as I like to complain or joke or jokingly complain about them. Because they are all part of what makes me me and the idea of ever giving them up, even for some relative peace of mind, feels as absurd and unnecessary as the idea of consciously trying to change my tastes in food or music or fiction or jokes or pets --- I can only guess at where some things come from, so how would I even go about upturning or taking away things that feel almost more like instinct than anything else? And why would I ever wish to? And I don’t think I’ve never been in romantic love, I’m not even sure if I know how that’s really supposed to feel like or work out, but this is kind of love I know. The kind of love I feel for my family and my friends, who all have annoying, stupid habits because that’s what people do and I’m sure they find my habits annoying and stupid, too, and that’s fine, and the kind of love I feel for our cat, who yells at me when he’s hungry and scratches me when we play and bullies the neighbour’s overly friendly, peace-loving dog and does a lot other things that made me fear and wonder, “Oh, god, what if the novelty of having a cute little cat all for ourselves wears off after a while and we don’t want him anymore and we become one of those families that take in a pet and change its whole life only to immediately give it back and give it trust issues in the process because they’re not actually fit to have a pet” before we’d actually gotten him but now they’re just part of him and you’ll have to fistfight each and every one of us in a parking lot if you try and take him away from us. That’s the kind of love I have for writing, and even if it’s not always joy, and sometimes it’s annyoing or irritating or no more pleasant than merely, simply breathing, what does the unpleasantness or the lack of enthusiasm really matter? Nothing, or at least, very little. It’s my love, I can only guess where it really comes from, it’s always with me and I can’t imagine it ever going away, and you can fight me in the aforementioned parking lot.

And I think it’s this love that allows me to... not quite be carefree about my writing, but something a bit like that. What do comments and reviews and kudos matter, if my love expresses itself through fandoms most people don’t even think can be considered as fandoms or themes nobody but me thinks or cares about? Sure, validation and compliments and people genuinely enjoying what I create make me feel great and may even warm my heart, depending on how much thought and effort I put into a particular work or how long I’ve wished to be able to find other people interested in a certain fandom, but they’re not my reason for writing or even something I really need -- I’ll keep doing my thing whether I get a hundred kudos and fifty comments or only three views. I did use to compare myself unfavorably to other writers and despair over all the ways I found myself inferior and lacking, but then I realized... what good is wishing I could be as good as someone else, or even someone else altogether, if my writing is part of me, stems from who I am? What influence on me could another writer’s success and the methods and techniques used to reach that success even have? I should strive to satify myself while doing what I want, to become as good as I can be according to my standards and through the methods and techniques that work for me. I can take what I like and analyse it and try to make it mine and incorporate it in my style and my ideas, there’s nothing wrong with that and it’s a good way to broaden my horizons and challenge myself and improve my work and love writing even more, but in the end, I can’t be anyone but myself --- and I may have lots of flaws, but in the end, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with that. Actually, there is some joy, and even pride, in that. And so, I reread my old works and see them with new, more charitable eyes, remembering the fun and the satisfaction and the need to write precisely that specific thing, pushing aside the old doubts that gave me nothing but endless nitpicking and rewriting and saying, “You know? Maybe my use of em dashes wasn’t actually as overbearing and cringy as I thought, maybe I should start using them a bit more freely again.” I reread my new works and tell myself, “Fuck it, of course I enjoy this and I am actually a bit proud of it, I wrote it for myself, according to my own tastes and following my own inspiration and putting as much effort and care into it as I thought it needed!”

I still have doubts and fears like everyone else, but they’re more along the lines of, “I know I can write better than this, so why am I not doing it right now? What is the problem here?!” or “I love and care and believe so much in this idea and I want to be good enough to do it justice and make sure it’ll make me feel perfectly satisifed and proud with the final result”, than “Everybody is doing the thing I feel is my thing better than me” or “I’ll never be this other writer I admire.” My writing blocks are usually more about getting stuck in the middle of a work while struggling to find the right words to put the exact feelings and actions I have in my mind on the page precisely as I’ve imagined them (”No, thats not it! There’s something missing and I can’t go on until I find out what it is! The words here don’t sound right!”), or struggling to find the Right Words to start a new project at all because I still have to work on internalizing that perfectionism is the enemy and a first draft is meant to be changed and corrected and maybe even kind of suck even if rationally I understand both concepts, or having Something Big in mind but knowing I usually just follow the flow of my ideas until it dries up and feeling my best works really come from truly getting lost into it and then worrying about how difficult Building An Actual Plot Like A Rational Person will be, or having scenes or even whole stories feels just so complete in my head that laboring to get them out of it feels like doing the same exact work twice for nothing (which isn’t true, but tell it to my brain), or just... not being able to start or go on or even end even if I have everything from ideas to motivation ro the right, relaxed but willing and driven state of mind, for some reason. Or, like, utterly dumb stuff like, “This paragraph will only make me feel good if I manage to get the lines to align in this specific way without changing the meaning or ruining the tone and atmosphere, so I will now modify it four or five times until I get it right even if I know this doesn’t make any sense.”

Except... there’s this friend. Her writing is the kind that uses a scant amount of sharp, essential words to tell whole worlds made of unsaid things, so soft they make you feel like you’re inside a dream or so harsh they're like a punch in the gut but always so clever and full that you always feel you’re always missing somthing, you just aren’t smart enough to figure it out. I have to make a conscious effort not to compare them to my works, because then mine feel overwrought and overdramatic, childish and naive.

And I know, believe me I know, that despite how much of yourself ends up in your writing, despite how much your writing can be a part of yourself, skill as a writer is not synonymous with worth as a person. You can be a good and/or succesful writer and be a complete shithead, and thinks like kindness and open-mindedness will always be fundamentally more important than the ability to string words together in a pleasing manner. But she’s kind (perhaps kinder than I deserve, because I know sometimes I can be a real dick), and open-minded, and sweet in her own way, and brave, and confident, and so smart and cultured, and sharp, and funny, and interesting, and she seems to understand people a lot better than I do. And even when we’re just chatting, I’m not always sure I understand every layer to everything she says, I’m not sure I can keep up with her wit and her mind. The confidence I feel while writing evaporates and I feel slow and shallow and boring and dumb and wonder why she puts up with me, how she hasn’t realised she could be talking to her people more like her yet.

The worst thing is, it’s not even her doing anything to make me feel like this and I know it too well. I don’t even think she knows, and I hope she never finds out. She’s not just kind to me, but affectionate and supportive, and in a honest and genuine way, and I know it’s irrational and stupid to think I might have tricked her into behaving like that with me, or that she’s not being sincere, or that she just doesn’t care enough to  take a good look at me and find out what my brain thinks is the truth. I know it would be hurtful and ungrateful to tell her. 

I also know she’s not perfect, because no one is. She has her flaws, too, and sometimes she says things that make me roll my eyes or sigh in frustration. There are some things I know more about than her, too. And we don’t even live near each other so I’ve never even met her in person, so I know if that happened at one point, I’d probably find out a bunch of annoying things about her.

But when she compliments my writing, sometimes my brain either shortcircuits for a moment or starts coming up with all kinds of bullshit like, “She’s just saying that because you’re friends and she’s a very supportive person. You’re pretty much the only one writing for this ship, so this is more like when you’re desperate enough to run fics in Russian and Chinese through Google Translate and you still leave kudos even though half of it came out as gibberish. It’s like when you read something you know is actually not well-written or well-plotted at all just for a certain specific character or trope in it, she’s just the type who doesn’t believe in guilty pleasures. She’s using a very happy and pleased tone but that doesn’t mean anything on the internet, almost everything here is hyperbole anyway so her actual reaction must have been a lot more lukewarm.” And when she writes to me or says she enjoys talking to me, sometimes my brain will go, “That’s great and I appreciate it! ... but seriously, why.”

*sigh* I guess that’s another thing I’ll have to try and work on this year. Being more open about what I feel -- at least on a sideblog read by only *checks* fourteen people, none of whom are the friend in question or any friends we have in common or any of my regular internet friends at all -- instead of keeping everything bottled up inside at all times is another one, apparently. Let’s see if it’ll really make me feel lighter.

[viibechck]

( elliot fletcher, trans male, he/him, fe3h ) * &. i know it must be scary for you, caspar von bergliez, after surviving the takeover. to turn into someone like casper beckham, a twenty-three year-old waiter at castle town diner & janitor at jungle gym’s, right here in castle town. just remember that you are as ingenuous as you are impulsive, and to be wary, be safe, be true to who you are : neutral through and through. ( hywia ) 

               hewwo,,,, it’s hywia,,,, and due to PERSONAL REASONS i have gone completely off the fucking rails n holy shit i’m so excited bc i KNOW im gonna have so many fun w/ my lil violent ghost gremlin over here. STRAP ON IN bc this boy is a WILD RIDE and i am,,, 90% sure if i say i’m gonna keep this short it’s not gonna be so !! no promises !! / war tw under the cut!

BEFORE THE SNAP. /   C A S P A R  V O N  B E R G L I E Z 

So. Caspar. Fun kid.

CASPAR is one of the Black Eagles at Garreg Mach Monastery’s Officers Academy ; he’s the second son of a noble , but unlike the others which were destined to gain inheritance or the like , Caspar . . . wasn’t the firstborn , and he didn’t have a Crest , so he really had nothing going for him in terms of status aside from “hey I’m part of this family.” His father was the Adrestian Empire’s Minister of Military Affairs , and with a war hero father and an older brother with quite the rep , he had a lot to prove himself for.

So !! That’s why he ended up in the Officers Academy to begin with ; he decided that he’d make his own name for himself and prove his own worth , so he’d became a great warrior of his own volition at the academy rather than piggyback off of his noble background.

Character wise ?? He’s a fun one.

Caspar is the EPITOME of ‘chaotic stupid’ but he’s also got a huge heart - he’s very hotheaded , impulsive , and he does a lot of things without thinking. His heart is way bigger than his body , and he actually cares a lot about people and isn’t afraid to show it. His strong sense of justice is always something he prattles on about , AS MUCH AS . . . to often feel guilty about things he really shouldn’t , or aren’t his fault.

But sometimes u gotta point out to him he’s doin’ somethin’ wrong because . . . he’s not gonna know.

He’s very gullible n a lot of things tend to fly over his head and that’s why I kind of use the term ingenuous to describe him - bc he’s very innocent in a naive sense and often doesn’t get a lot of things somebody more streetwise would get. He’s quick to judge but also takes things at face value and can’t really read between the lines that well. BUT you find that’s a huge part of his charm , bc Caspar likes looking for the best in people , but also will beat your ass if immediately he sees you’re up to no good.

And this is why he’s so impulsive again - acts without thinking because he acts a lot on emotion , such as in his support with Byleth when he immediately moves to get some thieves away from hurting a group of kids . . . but years later , those same thieves attack soldiers under his command , and a lot of them don’t make it. He doesn’t really know the possible ramifications of his actions , but that doesn’t mean the outcomes are all bad. But he feels guilty seeing the damage he caused because he KNOWS that isn’t what he wanted.

But he’s an extremely caring & honest person and extremely trustworthy - like Caspar doesn’t know how to stab anyone in the back. He doesn’t know how to lie. He’s a good boy n he does his best and yeah he’s a little thick-headed bt that’s okay !! It’s okay to have a heart bigger than your brain n’ Caspar’s got a LOT of heart to fill the entire army !!

also uh he’s like. rly loud lmao he’s chaotic n loud n we love that for him

AFTER THE SNAP. /  C A S P E R  B E C K H A M

CASPER BECKHAM .... so. fun,

SO SORTA LIKE PRE-SNAP , he came from a wealthy upbringing but due to be the non-favored child , didn’t get the inheritance aka his dad’s clothing company.

so what does cas do in response ?? WELL , he pretty much has his entire family breathing down his neck to work in the company still as some kind of lower position. but he’s not really content with that and wants to move onto something he made himself.

and what does he do ??

he . . . becomes a streamer ??

his family does NOT approve that he chooses to use internet stardom as his career - but he gets really popular and that’s how he can support himself when they eventually kick him out.

so he gains that internet fame as a popular gaming streamer named “SHORT KING” and he’ll pretty much do... anything on camera he wants or his followers find funny.

and that’s it tbh.

in ct ?? he really is v neutral to the change versus fodlan but he’s also... skeptic to trust things bc the war is still heavy on his mind and he lost a lot of people he knew to it.

he’s kind of acting like everything is fine bt,,, is it really ?? lmao.

BT YEAH THATS IT I,,,, love my kid a lot n im rly excited 2 write him !! im so sorry if this isnt coherent i am having a Time

[amazable01]

And The Puppets Danced- Chapter 2

A03 Link Here

Notes: Here it is! The long-awaited return of And the Puppets Danced! 2019 starts a new chapter in my life, so it’s only fitting you all get a new chapter, as well!

If you need to catch up, the link to A03 has every chapter, and all chapters, of course are posted on my writing blog @anamazableauthor. Enjoy!

I walk into the library, humming as I practice the motions of the waltz that Patton and I have always known, methodically remembering the steps. “One two three, one two three, pivot, one two three, spin two three, one two three, dip.”

Each step is precise and neat, fluid movements pulling me into the artist’s world of expression. Clean and messy. Taking both emotions and logic to complete the dance.

It’s no wonder Patton and I are such a good partnership.

I bump into a bookcase, and blush, silently glad no one else is with me, as of the moment. I reach to steady the shelf, before going to tidy the books.

Since my creation, I’ve always found something alluring about libraries. The calm silence helps me think, helps me to process things I would not be able to, otherwise. The smell of old books, candle smoke, and ink is the most satisfying scent I’ve enjoyed thus far in my life.

I look at a book, with runic titles across the front. I brush my hand across the faded leather, removing a layer of dust from the cover. The runes translation has been lost to time, but the pictures are as clear as day.

The first page shows a picture of gods, monsters, and humans in the middle of the two. Swirls of gold and silver paint laces the pages with shimmer. “So this is the Creation. I’ve heard about it in legends, but it’s never specified what happened.” I say, flipping to the next page.

A benevolent looking figure stands in front of bowing humans, a golden eye illuminating on his face. “That must be m'lord coming to save the humans.” I realize. “He must’ve had them be under him so he could lead them to safety and prosperity.”

The next page shows the green and health of the land turning to purple and brown. The colors of death and disease. I wonder what happened…

The last pages are torn out, and probably removed from time. I close and re-shelve the book, becoming resolute to ignoring the gnawing thoughts surrounding it. What DOES it mean…?

I walk further into the library, scanning my eyes over the colors and bindings of the tombs that exist in my world of knowledge.

What books lie outside these walls, I wonder.

“A good question, Logan.”

I jolt, turning to see our creator behind me. I blush, noticing I said that out loud. “My apologies, m’lord.”

He waves the apology off. “No need to apologize. I made you to be curious about the world. Patton is kind, passionate, reliable. A person who works well with people. He likes to learn, but not in the traditional sense. He’d rather experience something than read about it. He has a literal heart of gold, but the head on his shoulders is quite naive and less intelligent in the typical sense.

“You, on the other hand, have a sensible mind. I created you to be clever, resourceful, and intelligent. Patton’s perfect opposite, and his missing piece. You two eternally complete one another, in the most artistic way. You were made to be one.” He sighs. “Unfortunately, you were the last perfect one. I had the spell stolen when the rebellion ran from the castle. They thought the spell holder would control you, but it was the spell caster. However…” He looks away. “There was another. A third puppet, a beautiful companion. It was stolen from me, before it could be completed.” He growls. “All that work, for naught!”

I flinch a bit. “I’m… I’m so sorry… That’s horrible.”

He smiles, turning to me. “It’s no issue, because I have you, now.” He smiles. “You and Patton can retrieve it for me, to complete my last puppet after so many years.”

I nod. I feel something deep inside of me crumbling, spiralling deeper and deeper into a pit of black.

“What is it, my little crow?” He asks. “Why do you fear?”

Fear. A feeling of dread commonly associated to a specific thing or event.

Yes. I am afraid.

“I… do not know…” I respond. “I do not know, because I do not understand what I am feeling. What this fear is for. Why I am afraid. Who I am afraid for. I cannot put a label on it. I cannot understand it, and I am afraid.”

He nods. “The fear of the unknown. That is perfectly understandable. You’re not used to this feeling. The freedom of choice, of expression. And I’m sure you don’t understand this pain, either. The pain of living. Of choosing.” He sighs. “It is what I had most feared about you leaving. If this would hurt you. If this would destroy you. Which is why I am giving you this.”

He pulls two necklaces out of his pocket.

One was a handcrafted golden chain with a heart half pendant. Pearls had been insetted to form a beautiful rune script, and the side has a latch to connect to something else. Patton’s name is engraved on the back, and the gold shimmers in the light like Patton’s brilliant hair.

The other is a black metal chain, with a pendant showing half of an open book. Sapphires shimmer, another rune on the metaphorical page. My name is engraved in a neat font on the back, and another larch is on the opposite side as Patton’s.

“Thank you.” I state. “But what are these?”

He smiles. “Protection charms. Latch them together, and you have a powerful shield. Apart they are beautiful trinkets designed to look perfect on you.”

I blink, slipping mine on. I rub it softy. “It’s astounding. Breathtaking, even. I don’t know if this is quite deserved.”

He waves it off. “Do not fret. It’s a token, my crow. Now, I’ll leave you be.” He leaves the room, and me to myself.

“Huh.” I say softly, holding Patton’s trinket. For now, I think I’ll keep it safe.

Taglist:

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[barbtongued-blog]

hey everybody, i’m ciel! i’m trans ( my pronouns are bun/buns ), i’m twenty-two, and i reside in est. i’m so excited to bring my mess taryn into a got roleplay and to be writing with you all! if you want to plot with taryn then def don’t hesitate to like this, ask for my discord, or dm me. i def want a lot of plots and drama ‘cause i’m always thirsty, let’s be real. below the cut you’ll be able to see some more information about taryn’s character and personality!

( bruna marquezine, she / her ) — high greetings to lady taryn of house brune of dyre den, the dame of daggers. the twenty-three year old is known for being zealous but has the tendency to be undiplomatic too. ( a clean blade being unsheathed, flowers blooming in the heat of summer, a string of pearls snapping. ) [ ciel, 22, est, bun / buns. ]

b a s i c s

⭐ full name: taryn brune ⭐ age: twenty-three ⭐ date of birth: march 29th ⭐ zodiac: aries sun, capricorn moon, aquarius rising ⭐ place of birth: dyre den ⭐ gender: cis female ⭐ orientation: bisexual ⭐ status: lady of house brune, eldest daughter

b a c k g r o u n d

gonna do my best to summarize her the best i can cause i’m bad at intros oof

taryn is the eldest child of the ruling lord and lady of dyre den. they are a lesser noble family based in the crownlands and are the main branch of the brune family

the brune family were well off enough, definitely not the poorest of the lesser families but most likely not the richest either? or the most powerful

this can be discussed with players depending on whether or not other family members are picked up, but i imagine family dynamics are something like this: 

ruling lord brune is a gambler, gambling away what fortune they do have in recent years. this doesn’t mean they’re broke as of yet, but they’re on the way and hes desperate for money. he wants his daughters married off as soon as possible

ruling lady brune is incredibly pious and faithful, raising the girls up in the religion of the seven. she very much tries to keep her children in line, but none of the girls listen to her. she is a cousin of the tullys. both parents don’t really crave anything above their station, they would just like to maintain the life they already have

last but not least, the three daughters are like this in descending order: power, knowledge, love. taryn is focused on making something more of herself and ascending in westeros, but doesn’t have the patience for the games a lot of coutiers play. the second daughter is more focused on gaining knowledge and is seen more as a bookworm which their father probably hates as much as he hates taryn trying to gain power. i see them both very much as “knowledge is power” vs “power is power”, but i don’t think the second daughter is as driven as taryn is to gain it. the third and youngest daughter is focused on love, but in a....fun way? as in shes in love with someone new every week, always trying to sneak off w/ them etc. shes probably the fathers favorite because shes v good at manipulating him and appearing sweet ( shes this way to everyone but her sisters who can see through her act ). even still shes a bit naive as her sisters are always protecting her and even babying her to a degree even if they act like they don’t

all three sisters love each other and protect each other even if they don’t always get along ( as siblings do ). they’re constantly getting into trouble together and driving their parents insane. their mother def is always going on about how they’re both cursed with ingrates LMAO

again, this doesn’t have to be the way it is if someones interested in applying, i just imagine it this way? feel free to hmu if you are interested in applying and we can talk it out

p e r s o n a l i t y

as stated before, taryn is definitely the most driven amongst her family and is power hungry. shes not satisfied with her life in dyre den and has always kinda been blood thirsty. i don’t necessarily think shes reckless, but shes not going to stab you in the back: she’ll stab you in the front with everyone watching, which i think would unnerve many people in kings landing

the only people shes close with are her sisters i think. no one else can stand how blunt she seems to be which is a character flaw, but not at the same time? she repels yet attracts at the same time because when she wants to dial up the charm she definitely can

as a child she dreamed of being a warrior, but she takes issue with people ordering her around so, even ignoring the fact that shes a cis girl, didn’t pan out well. i know for sure the guards around dyre den love her though and taught her how to use a dagger as a child

which is why shes called the dame of daggers: for her mouth and her collection. a play on words

her father is doing his best to marry off all of his daughters as soon as possible and to whomever has the right amount of money, but taryn’s v dominant and her father is v much not so shes kinda trying to arrange the best marriage for herself even tho her father doesn’t really care about power and knows thats not a viable option for someone whos in a lower ranking noble family

for all her bluntness and daring get her in trouble, i don’t think shes always tactless either. like shes not gonna walk up and tell the queen her dress looks ugly even if thats the way she really feels. she’ll probably find a way to deflect and change the conversation so she doesn’t have to lie

shes v much so a bulldozer which i think literally everyone in her family has an issue with. she has a really hard time listening to others and their needs because she always thinks she knows best and she can’t be wrong. she’ll never apologize even when she knows she did something bad

 i wouldn’t call her morally grey all the time, but shes v much an anti-hero looking out for herself and her sisters

i think thats p much it on her tho?? if you have any questions or are interested in plotting, you can always hmu!

didn’t proofread or format cause i live on the edge oof

[cfvenefica]

it’s me again with monster #2. forgive me . triggers will apply here probably !

sebastian stan + cismale + he/him.┊ ❛ ━ hey, is it just me or do you hear god’s gonna cut you down by johnny cash playing in the distance ? oh, thats just pestilence, a true neutral member of the league of villains. i suspect they might be nikolas black, a thirty seven year old mercenary with the ability of disease manipulation. according to my sources, he can be calm, but also merciless which is probably why they remind everyone of the sound of the piano playing in another room and expensive bourbon so much. anyway, a supervillain or not, crystalline city is keeping a close eye on them!

⇛ BACKGROUND !!

nikolas black was born harbringer of death . born in the cold outskirts of russia in the family home , his mother passed away in childbirth , leaving his father furious , drunk and pointing the blame towards a young thoughtfully innocent niko .

what nobody knew , of course , was that everything niko touched --- disease would follow . his own father suffered from a horrific tumor on the lung that spread throughout the body but there had previously been zero signs of cancer in the family .

constantly being around the young boy was slowly killing the already irate drunk of a father and with that anger his own sickness seemed to flourish and niko was naive to the idea that he was making his own father sick with his hatred .

years pass and as does his father , the disease irreversible and it delivered an incredibly slow , painful death for the man leaving niko an orphan at only fourteen years old .

with that , he grew up in a small russian orphanage run by nuns who would often tease him for his constant ability to be healthy . that is ----- until one day one of the younger children at the orphanage grew sick , a close near sibling like figure to niko and he mourned ---- assuming she would die just as his father did .  he didn’t realize that it was ultimately his fault that the young girl caught remnants of an age old plague , something not seen in the country for one hundred years or more .

the little girl passed and the nuns prayed to god , realizing the uprise in sickness that spread through their orphanage , how some of the children would survive , but many of them wouldn’t . all but the lonesome boy nikolas black , who was as healthy as ever . they began to believe they held in their quarters the soul of one of the four horsemen , pestilence .

their hearts too pure to simply kick the boy to the curb , they locked niko in a quarantine room and simply prayed that the other three wouldn’t be coming for them as well . once he was eighteen however , they couldn’t keep him in isolation , and the now somewhat twisted nikolas black was released to the world .

that was when he’d heard about a city called crystalline , where many others like him lived and thrived . he’d never quite intended on becoming the villain of this story , but society ostracized him far too many times for him to be forgiving .

onto his work as a mercenary , he works for a company called equinox who will often give him targets to make seemingly innocent deaths occur at his hand . beyond that though , he is a soldier for them working with a team of people that do not have powers --- though they are often switched out often to avoid their own sickness .

⇛ PERSONALITY !!

nikolas black comes from not only an abusive home life , but an abusive orphanage as well , because of this he often comes off as aloof , carefree in the feelings of others and at times cruel .

paranoid by default , he has an addictive personality which has gotten him involved in many things , including drugs and other dangerous habits .

he prefers to keep his distance from others , as people discover that he not only causes disease but can take them away as well ---- he would rather not become one of those walking preachers ‘healing the ill ‘ . especially considering there is one trick . not only does he feel the pain of the disease he absorbs , but he cannot heal a sickness or ailment that he placed upon someone and that disease will only strengthen the longer they are near him .

he is very controlled , emotionally as he’s found it’s the only way to be around people without hurting them , or spreading a sickness at this point in his life he can make physical contact with someone without gloves if need be and not hurt them ... hopefully .

the truth is , however , niko spent so much time cut off from not only society but emotions as well that it doesn’t bother any longer when others get sick from being around him .

i’m going to reiterate this , nikolas black is cruel by nature , if he infects someone he has no problems sitting there and watching to make sure the job is done .

⇛ APPEARANCE !!

he stands at about 6′1 , often seen wearing proper fitted suits and leather gloves .

has a warm , welcoming smile , which is a dangerous thing to have when someone is a walking disease .

OOF he is covered in scar tissue honestly , all the way down his back and his arms from not only his father but the overzealous nuns who truly believed he was one of the four horsemen .

⇛ WANTED CONNECTIONS !!

i’m so bad at coming up with connections ?? but give me the opposites attract , friends , lovers whichever . unlikely friendships are my jam.

give me the ULTIMATE brotp please , niko needs someone he can trust hands down , someone he can talk to . it’s no secret that he is evil as hell , but on the outside he gives off a very neutral vibe ( right before he slaughters your insides with disease anyway )

lovers etc fwb who knows , i sure don’t .

people from his past , maybe ?

idk let’s brainstorm.

[feng-xins]

A Life So Wondrous

Pairing : Fujibayashi Genya/MC

Genre : Gen 

A/N : Requested by anon! Hope you enjoy <3 Genya is such a dreamboat but he’s a dreamboat with feeeelings, yknow? 

_________

At six years old, Genya's path ahead is straight and true.

Train. Fight. Win.

Follow orders. Complete the mission. Report back.

Get stronger. Get better. Head the Fujibayashi Village in his father's place

 "That sounds boring," she wrinkles her nose when he tells her as much, and Saku frowns at her from his perch on a tree branch, kicking his legs out so they dangle beneath him.

  "It's better than grinding those stinky herbs all day like you do," Saku sticks out his tongue at her, and Tobimaru shrieks in what almost sounds like agreement. 

 She flushes, the clovers in her hands crushed as she curls her fingers into tight, angry fists. "You're stinky. You and your ugly cat," 

   Sakuya's whole frame tightens, his cheeks slashes an angry, bright red "Tobimaru is a -,"

 "Oi," Genya interjects, before this dissolves into either tears or fists. They stare at each other a moment longer, then deflate almost simultaneously. Honestly, sometimes he's not sure which two out of the three of them are siblings.

 "When I'm clan head," he says, just because he can "I'll make you two get married,"

  The ensuing chaos is enough to drain the air of any residue tension, and in the breaths between bouts of laughter Genya thinks that maybe being clan head wouldn't be so bad, if he could spend all of his days just like this one

.........

At twelve, Genya's path brings him to the looming gates of Iga Village. It's their first mission outside of Iga territory, both his and Saku's. He supposed this day would come sooner or later, but now that its here -

 He casts a glance out at the forest beyond the gates, feels something he cant quite name tingle up his spine and settle in his chest, like a first breath above water.

"You know your mission," his father tells the two of them sternly, and Genya drags his gaze away from beyond the gates "Your mission leader's orders are absolute. I will have no complaints about disobedience, or incompetence,"

 "Yes, Father," he and Saku echo. His father looks them up and down one last time, and if Genya were slightly more naive he would almost, almost bring himself to believe Father was going to tell his sons to stay safe, to come back to the village alive.

 "Do not fail me,"   

  Almost

.....................

 At fourteen, Genya's path is hard-packed and well trodden. This is the shinobi way. This is what he was meant to do. This is why he was born.

 Isn't it?

 He gets up. Trains. Fights. Wins. 

  Why isn't that enough? When did it stop being enough?

  Mission briefings fade into white noise. Why do they still have briefings, anyway? Everyone knows the rules - don't get attached, don't get comfortable, don't get caught. Why not just send them on their way and be done with it?

He used to eye his father's seat with stars in his eyes. Now -

Does he even know what the stars look like outside of the village? 

Why does that bother him? Who cares about the damn stars?

.......

 At seventeen, Genya's path opens up before him, so wide and open and inviting and possible that it nearly scares him. 

 He graduates top of his class, and almost wishes he hadn't if only because it meant Sakuya came in second. He listens to his brother beat himself up about being two points behind for all of ten minutes before the elation breaks through and he claps Sakuya on the back, grinning so widely he feels the sweet ache in his cheeks. 

 "Gen?," Saku tilts his head, quizzical.

 "Forget the scores, Saku. Just- just forget about it for a second okay? Just - ," a laugh bubbles out of him then, freedom and elation spilling out into a joyful whoop that catches on the wind " We're free. Free, Saku!. We can go anywhere we want. Take our own missions, do whatever we like. Come on, lets do it. You and me, lets go to - I don't know -Ueda. Kai! Let's take a mission together. Somewhere far away, where the village won't bother to check up on us. We could do it, me and -,"

  "Gen, what are you talking about?,"

There is ice in Sakuya's eyes, cold frosting over sapphire so fast and hard that Genya feels suddenly like he's looking into the eyes of a stranger.

  "Our place is here. We graduated to serve the village. We did all of it, everything, to serve the village," pain flashes across Sakuya's face, the same way it did the morning Genya found him outside the gates of Iga at dawn, blood speckling his clothes and dirt beneath his fingernails. "It can't be for nothing now. All of that - it had to be for the village,"

  "Right," A completed mission at the expense of broken wings. That was the trade their father had made, sending Sakuya for that first mission "Of course. Sorry. I just - sorry,"   

  "Your place is here. With father, and me, and the village,"

 "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Saku," 

 He takes the first mission that will get him out of the village, a three week long stint protecting some little lordling travelling to Ueda. Sakuya doesn't answer any of his letters, returning them all through Tobimaru with the seal still intact. He's just in the middle of writing another one when he hears the soft clack of geta-sandalled feet behind him, turning slightly to find the young lord he's guarding eyeing him quizzically.

 "Who are you?," 

  "Me?," he gives a half-hearted salute, not even bothering with pleasantries. Lordling or not, they're probably the same age, and Genya couldn't be assed to bow and scrape for some puffed-up daimyo's son "I'm your ninja,"

 The boy frowns slightly, eyebrows knitting "No you're not. I've never seen you before now,"

 "If you could see me, why would I be your ninja?,"

 The boy contemplates this for a minute, then nods, once "My name is Masamune,”

 "Hey there, Masamune," Genya drawls "You ever play hanafuda before?,"

   ............   

 At twenty-one, Genya's path is blocked by a ghost from a past he left behind a long, long time ago.

 "It's you," he blurts out, then immediately kicks himself when two heads turn to look right at him.

 She hasn't changed a bit, same short cropped hair, same steely expression, except this time there is no warm recognition behind those brown eyes. His own eyes trail to the person at her side, and his heart jumps into his throat at the sight of Hattori Hanzo.

 He doesn't like the look of this situation. Not that he cares one way or another what she does with her life, but Hanzo's smile is entirely too suspiciously angelic. That he does care about, especially if the recent rumours about the Mitsuba village turn out to be true.

 He manages to wrangle Hanzo into leaving her alone, hangs back just long enough to whisper -

 "If you run into problems, come to Oshu," 

 He doesn't know whether to be relieved or exasperared that she actually took him up on the offer, all the trouble that she is.

............... 

   At twenty-two, she thinks there is something about Genya that shines, something glinting and stubborn and willfully, willfully bright beneath the layers of shadows that he cloaks himself with.

   "Stay," he says, arms winding lazily around her torso and pulling her back flush against him. She doesn't understand how he does it - her breath is still ragged from the kind of sounds he managed to coax out of her just minutes before, but Genya is already toeing the line between sleep and wakefulness, chest rising and falling in a steady, even rhythm "Just until dawn,"

    "Thats what you say every night, and then we wake up at noon and miss breakfast - " she squirms in protest, or pretends to at least. It wouldn't do for his ego to get any larger. "- then you say we'll sleep until lunch but we oversleep, and then you say dinner and -"

 "You're tired," Genya points out, his nose nudging right below her ear "I'm tired,"

 "You're always tired,"

 "Stay," he asks again, the request laid bare between them. Sometimes her heart jumps at the word, at how easy it falls from his lips. For how long? she wants to ask. How long do we get to pretend? She wonders if he knows the answer, if he would tell her, if she would want to hear it.

Stay she does.  

______

tagging : @pseudofaux @rubyleeray @nightingaledarling @fooljshgirl @heavenzfiend @yukimura-suggests

do let me know if you want on or off the tag list, or if I’ve forgotten to tag you in anything ^^

[amoralto]

Hi, I don't know if you remember but a few months ago i sent you an ask about john's preception of paul's supposed indifference in the media in the early 70s, and i was wondering if your still planning to respond? I mean if not thats totally cool, i just would be really interested if you have even incomplete fragments that you haven't posted (cause you posted a few in the past, i think?) Anyway, i really love what youre doing with this blog, have a great day!

Oh, I remember very well, my dear long-suffering anon, and at this appallingly ponderous rate I’ll probably have a response written up to my own fathomless standards within the next two years or so. 😞😓😩😖 I’m so very sorry; I’ve said so before, but it befits me to say it again. My overall productivity where @amoralto​ is concerned has ground to a halt this past couple of weeks for colourless personal reasons of depression and malaise, so I’m feeling awful about that as well. More fragments I can provide, though - they’re mostly just Thoughts From Several Years Ago, me looking up old notes I made when I was working on this response to your ask, but I hope it provides at least a modicum of entertainment:

I don’t prescribe to the idea of attributing someone’s entire personality to a specific, singular event, but the childhood experience of finding himself in the position of effectively having to choose, symbolically, between the love (and affection, guidance, trust, loyalty, presence) of his father and his mother, would have significantly impacted his ideological makeup and ingrained within young John Lennon a predisposition to see love as a zero-sum game where going with one means abandoning the other forever, and having it both ways is an impossible lie, because you’ve never had it both ways, and in fact, you will see to it personally that you won’t have it both ways, because you’d rather fuck it up yourself than let them fuck it up for you, because they will always leave you anyway. So I’d imagine that as a young John Lennon growing up in schism, comparing your household to others’ and painfully aware of what you don’t have that they do and vice versa and all else, you’d both justify the notion and rebel violently against it. Fulfill your own prophecies. Hence the impulsive, headlong infatuations with gurus, and the incensed, guillotined fallout afterwards. Hence the inveterate need for a parental figure, alternately resenting their authority and desiring their attention and coddling.Why these systemic issues with love, family, and abandonment seemed to pronounced themselves so profoundly in relation to Paul in particular is probably for all those indefinable symbiotic reasons that have been waxed lyrical about. Just as it was a magical buoy for their partnership in its naive and romantic beginning, this indefinable and ineffable quality to their relationship was also an obscure leaden weight to their partnership in its latter-day disillusionment. It’s not so much the fact of its ambiguity itself that was an issue, but that it was conditional, and neither was consciously aware of it until, well, the conditions arose. I mean, this isn’t at all meant to be a summative Where Did Our Love Go? précis, but just in terms of their communication with each other as emotionally hedging Northern lads, their relationship, from John’s perspective, seemed to depend on an implicit awareness and understanding of each other, on the reading of each other’s minds, on recognising each other’s unspoken thoughts and desires and enacting upon them, which he eventually realised was unrealistic and unsustainable (even if he never necessarily stopped longing for it). But they couldn’t have grown as a partnership without expecting and accepting each other to grow as individuals apart from each other, and they couldn’t have gone on continuing to looking to each other and expecting to see their own reflection without depleting themselves.But, uh, rather than go into histrionic ramblings about ego and identity and projection and fear, I think what I mean is: knowing what you don’t want isn’t the same as knowing what you do, and in such immovable contention there was only going to be disappointment and despair. Not knowing what you want but expecting the other to know and give it to you, and not get it? Hurt, rage, betrayal, you never loved me if you did you would have known I was in pain you moon-eyed fucking Engelbert Humperdinck I bet you knew and you just got off on seeing me suffer.

On that note, a candid illustration of John’s Paranoid Troll Logic, circa mid-1966 to early-1967, i.e. the “I was going through murder and I knew Paul wasn’t” period:

1. You’re happy and working and I’m sad and idle.

2. How can you be happy and working when I’m sad and idle?

3. If you really cared about me being sad and idle you couldn’t possibly be happy and working.

4. Maybe I’m sad and idle because you don’t really care about me.

5. Maybe you’re happy and working because I’m sad and idle.

Or two: 

1. I’m miserable, and if we’re as close as I think we are, you should be able to tell.

2. If you’re not able to tell, it must mean we’re not as close as I thought we were, which makes me even more miserable.

3. Maybe the reason why I’m miserable is because we’re not as close as I believe we were, and I can’t tell how close you believe we are.

4. I can’t ask you about it, of course, because I shouldn’t have to, and it’s your fault anyway, you should be the one asking me first, it’s not like you’re the one who’s miserable.

 5. … Maybe you’re making me miserable. On purpose.

Or three:

John: Sometimes I don’t even want to be in this fucking band anymore. I can’t stand being Beatle John, it’s going to suffocate me, but in the situation we’re in I don’t even know who else I can be. We’re in this together, Paul. You understand. We need to break away from all this.

Paul: Hey, I’ve got an idea! Let’s make a record where we all pretend we’re in a made-up band! Then we won’t have to be in this band, not really, because we’ll be other people playing other people’s music! It’ll be liberating!

John: … Remember when we just canceled all our engagements and went to Paris?

Paul: Sure I do. You know what, you should come out to London with me some time, it’s an amazing scene! All the music and plays and films and happenings… John: Hey, why spoil it when you’re already having so much fun without me around? What’s so good about all that, anyway? Pretentious tossers, the whole lot of them. Not that I care. Paul: They’re not so bad. Have you written any new songs? John: I haven’t written anything in weeks. Bothered.Paul: Well, bother yourself, then! And get something done by Friday. We have an album to make, you know. I’ve already written about four new songs - nothing much, just some melodies I whipped up in between this and that, but we can work with them.

John: You’ve just come here to gloat, haven’t you.Paul: Are you having trouble writing? I can help you out! What are partners for? Not today, though, today I’ve got a gallery to set up and two articles for the International Times to write and then dinner with Groovy Bob and a lot of artsy mingling to do with my new queer friends you’re so intimidated by for some reason. Want to come along? John: No, because I’m in pain and you don’t care and I hate you for not loving me enough. Run along, I’ve got my own lysergic work to get to. This ego of mine’s not going to destroy itself, you know. Paul: Alright, alright, I’ll leave you to it. See you on Friday!John: … Please don’t leave me.

And some waffle on Paul’s manner of Dealing With Things By Not Acknowledging Them (which, when aligned with John’s Desperate Need For Verbal And Explicit Acknowledgment, would hurtle them both towards a terrible ending):

As an affect of his stubbornly persistent optimism, to put it glibly, one could see how Paul’s need and inclination to focus on the enactive and positive side of things would also preclude an avoidance of anything he thinks he can’t achieve, help, or deal with, because direct confrontation of the problem would entail the risk of him losing control in that situation, which would render him vulnerable, or worse, being seen to be vulnerable. The avoidance thus manifests as both a defense and a coping mechanism for uncomfortable situations or unsavoury trains of thought - remember, this is someone who isn’t inclined toward navel-gazing, who doesn’t at all like to examine his own thoughts or emotions,  because it would hang him up. He has to deal with them in some way, though, so what can he do? Diffuse (project onto someone else), deflect (be hostile and passive-aggressive), or dive behind a piano, essentially. So if Paul’s way of handling things (during the Beatles years at least) was to avoid the Negative, redirect attentions and efforts to something Positive and hopefully in the process overwhelm the Negative entirely by all that is Positive, then you can see how the avoidance played out in, say, the case of Brian’s death (Let’s all travel far far away from this smog both figuratively and literally and make a new film about us going on a mad bus trip and make a new album to go along with it and be together all the time as a band again because we can totally manage ourselves and this will prove it and everything will be fine!), or the latter-day disintegration of the band (Let’s plough through the sessions because things have to get good before they get better and it’ll be a good album because we’re us and at the end of it we’ll all be proud of ourselves because it’ll prove we can still do it and maybe just maybe we’ll stay together and make more good albums and everything will be fine!). He couldn’t ignore the plaguing tensions at hand, and knew he couldn’t address it directly without inviting confrontation or contributing to the existing tensions, but he knew what he could do, practically - make music, and involve others with making music. As long he was actively doing something, then he was actively moving himself and everyone elseforward, and if they kept moving forward for long enough the problem would recede into the distance until it ceased to be a problem entirely. And so he did, until they were far along enough to move onto the next phase, or until they couldn’t possibly be moved anymore. 

[groundramon]

Statement

I didnt want to write this but I’m too fucking tired to respond to anymore people who go into my ask box. I’ve already gotten 4. Leave me alone. Also I apologize for not censoring @ ‘s.  Obviously, do not send hate to anyone.  Because I, unlike Peri, do not endorse that.  Your white knighting will not hurt Peri and it will not help me - it will just help Peri feel more justified.  So seriously, to any of my friends/mutuals/followers reading this - do not.

DISCLAIMER: I knew peri back when he still used they/them pronouns. If I ever accidentally refer to him with those pronouns, please don’t hone in on that, but please DO tell me about my mistake so I can go and fix that. This is not an excuse, its still wrong of me to do and i apologize if I accidentally do it anywhere in this post - it is an explanation and an invitation to hold me accountable without using it to destroy the whole point of my post.

DISCLAIMER #2: there is a lot of nuances to our relationship that I will never be able to describe in text. Such as the fact that as little kids, Peri and our other friends were the ones who “corrupted” my sense of humor (not in a problematic way, I was just a really naive little kid). We always made jokes about me being the least mature out of the group despite being the oldest.

DISCLAIMER #3: Yes, I made mistakes. No, I did not put out a callout about Peri “just to start shit”.  I have apologized for my mistakes and learned better, and would be happy to write another apology genuinely outlining what I did wrong if Peri didn’t lie about me at every given opportunity.

I never put a callout on Peri until now.  Maybe once when this first happened, i told people to unfollow him...I genuinely cant remember.  I know I added him to my carrd as DNI, but he did it first, and I did it in response to that.  And I removed it long ago.  He also mocked me for calling him my abuser after one of his friends block evaded me to tell me to fuck off, and I found out said friend did that because Peri had been calling me “a danger to minors”, a racist (Peri is white and kept making Hetalia jokes up to a few months before we stopped being friends even though literally I never did) and a lesbophobe (ok peri is a lesbian), and more important, accusing me of stalking.  His definition of stalking was to check his twitter profile obsessively.  I know he did this to me, because he mentioned one of my discourse threads about SPOP and misrepresented my argument (he said I called Catra abusive - I called Catradora toxic and clarified that Catra is not an abuser).  I’m not here to debate the definition of stalking, but heres the thing - at that point, it had been...I think 3 months after we broke off?  And I hadnt checked his twitter since a week after we broke up.  Literally.  I’m sure I have no way of proving that now, OVER A YEAR LATER, but it’s true. I have proof about the hetalia joke.  It was literally just a joke about my piccrews looking like America.  But considering years ago, Peri (and our shared abuser who I dont plan on discussing very much publicly for obvious reasons) were the ones who got me into Hetalia, it hits a very sore spot with me to call me a racist right alongside our shared abuser who would go by japanese names for the ~aesthetic~.  And thats the thing throughout all of this - did I do wrong by Peri? Absolutely, and I’m not going to remember everything flawlessly either. I’m not a flawless person and we were friends for like 7 years.  But Peri is acting like he’s never done anything wrong in his life.

He also has a pattern of doing this - he accused me and his ex-friend Rainy (me and Rainy are friends) of making fun of our abuser’s art constantly and probably now making fun of Peri’s art constantly (we did make fun of the abuser’s art, but tbh it was gallows humor, and still not something I’m proud of.  I have literally never made fun of Peri’s art.  In fact, it makes me feel awful that I have a pit in my stomach whenever I see it, because I always enjoyed Peri’s unique art style up until the day we split.)  He’s hurt so, SO many other people too.  I can think of 13 just off the top of my head.  The person who block evaded me to yell at me about something I literally never did?  Literally went through the same shit me and Rainy did.  Most of these people are not going to like me, and yet I could probably ask for their testimony and it would match my experience very closely, except the key difference being Peri gave up on them already.

Peri talked about me THREE TIMES in the last week (I believe - I didnt check dates and i literally found peri’s account accidentally while going through chicken smoothie. yes, it was my choice to scroll down and look for my name, but i was like, the second post on his tumblr and i was just trying to see if the posts were recent or old bc i thought he was inactive on here.

Here are all of the posts in case he deletes them - sorry I dont have timestamps, he went private so I cant get evidence, obviously.

Admittedly, the last one is pretty understandable, I feel the same way going through my old shit and seeing Peri’s posts/art/etc. But two times after that? But no I’m the one for starting shit, even though I can disprove both of this posts.

For that first post:

1. I didn’t debate shit, I asked a question because I saw a bi woman bring up a good point about why bi women shouldn’t be allowed to use butch/femme.  Admittedly, asking your closest (not only! just closest) lesbian friend about all lesbian issues is kind of a dick move, but I was just trying to figure out how to argue against that point so I could support my lesbian friends.  Now I realize that it’s wrong of me to bother getting involved on either side and I should just support my lesbian friends and their voices instead of getting directly involved.  Yes, I was wrong, but i did not argue with a lesbian about whether or not butch/femme can be used by nonlesbians, I was ASKING A QUESTION.

2. I was trying to be a supportive friend. He was crushing on Rainy - who was identifying as a gay (trans) man at the time by the way, but I only ever see Peri use this as evidence for me being lesbophobic, not homophobic and transphobic.  Gee I wonder why?  Oh right, it’s because Peri hates Rainy and doesn’t care.  Anyways, yes, it was wrong of me.  At the time I didn’t understand a lot about comphet so I was just trying to be supportive.  I do think I expressed relief when Peri said he and Rainy had broken up and realized their feelings were platonic, as i was confused about the whole situation.  I was trying not to gatekeep Peri from his own damn community, because I’m not going to tell him his feelings are invalid when I’m not a lesbian.  You cant get mad at me for policing lesbian labels, and then not policing lesbian labels enough- what??  I don’t think I did anything wrong per say in this situation because I was telling white lies to be a good friend but I do know better now and try to emphasize that “and if you find out its comphet and you’re still a lesbian then thats totally valid!!!” and in fact I even think I did that at the time??

Both of these instances (I believe) are buried on an old server that I no longer have access to.  It’s possible they still exist.  But I didn’t think this thing with Peri would last well over a year later so I didn’t bother documenting any of it.  If peri has the screenshots, I would love to see it.  This is not sarcasm, I genuinely want to be informed what I did wrong.  I have a lot of great friends now and I would hate to hurt them by repeating mistakes I don’t even remember making.  I can’t learn if I’m not informed.  Once again, this is not sarcasm, irony, or passive aggressive.  This is genuine.  All I ever asked from Peri was to talk to me.

These are the last messages we exchanged before Peri’s goodbye message.  This is what our relationship was like.  And do NOT fucking tell me “Peri is clearly uncomfortable” - I’m autistic, Peri is neurodivergent, I do NOT read into subtext.  I have an anxiety disorder and will literally never be able to function if I read into everything as passive aggressive.  My autism does not excuse abusive behavior - but if you do not tell me about this behavior, which Peri never did, I can never get better.  I do not read that “im fine” as a silent plead for me to leave him alone when he literally was always talking about how annoyed he was by people overanalyzing his responses, seeing hostility where there was none, and he specifically said not to read into short replies as anything personal.  He said he had compassion fatigue.  Which is why I left him be until I had no choice.

The last vent I mentioned said “Shitty friends, shitty friends” on his private twitter.  I was worried it was about me and Rainy, because I figured if it wasnt, he would’ve told us who it was about.  And he never did.  So I’m pretty sure it was about us.  After disappearing for the day and making me and Rainy worried that he was suicidal, he sent us this goodbye message in our mutual server (which the only reason i have this is because i sent it to another friend because i didnt know how to feel and needed guidance)

This goodbye letter, despite seeming nice on the surface, blamed the trauma that me and Rainy faced as well as our particular interests for Peri leaving us.  One of my boundaries in our friendship was to tell me if anything was wrong so I could improve it and be a better person, and Peri broke that trust.  He was absolutely a shitty friend in that regard.  But just this goodbye letter I would’ve bought despite being disappointed...if he hadn’t called us shitty before.

By the way, at the time, the only thing I could think this would be about was not trusting Peri’s gut about some randos.  Rainy and I wanted to give those people a fair shot, and Peri accused us of not trusting him because of it.  You do not get to dictate who your friends do and dont hang out with, and you dont get to guilt trip them for hanging out with someone who has literally done nothing to you except act a little bit too much like our shared abuser Moony, wtf?

Peri also accused me of saying he and Moony were the same, when I did no such thing.  Rainy did!  And I immediately chastized Rainy for it, clarifying that I thought they were two different beasts entirely.

I forgot what I was talking about uhhh.  Oh yeah!

I’m not the one still talking about you over a year later.  I’ve moved on.  Remove me from your DNFI.  I didn’t remove you from mine because I realized I was the abuser and you were the victim - I removed you because I’m fucking done with this situation.  I only brought it up with your friend because you LITERALLY BLAMED MY INTERESTS AT THE TIME IN YOUR FAKE-ASS APOLOGY.  And what were me and Rainy talking about a bunch at the time?  Digimon!!  Aka the person who I talked to’s special interest!  I told them I would fuck off if they asked and I encouraged them to talk to you about it and have a genuine conversation.  Because I, unlike you, am a good person who lets people come to their own conclusions.

Also, you were 2 weeks away from being 16, and I was a few months into being 18.  Here are some of our conversations about becoming QPPs!

Should I have entered a QPR with my 7+ year friend who literally shaped me into who I am today when they were almost 16 and I was already several months into being 18?  Probably not!  But adulthood isn’t just some switch that goes off, and I was a dumbass.  Peri’s current GF is apparently being accused of being a predator, or something, according to one of Peri’s other posts?  I dont know whats happening because im not! a fucking! stalker! but Peri of all people should know what it’s like to have a small age gap blown into something bigger than it is.  Peri and I’s relationship didn’t change a whole lot after becoming QPPs - we were still close friends.  But after literally growing up with Peri, I didn’t realize that I needed to enact healthy boundaries with someone so young when they were the one who used to “troll” me when we were kids (AKA pretend to be mad at me or pretend to be someone else and then say “haha just kidding!” just to cause problems).

Peri has clearly built me up to be some kind of villain in his head.  And that’s fine, I really don’t care.  I go months without thinking of Peri, and he’s just a bad memory whenever I do think of him - well until I found out he’s calling me a pedophile and accusing me of making callouts that I never did and generally has been a pot calling the white marble countertop grey for the past year or so.  But I dont care.  I DONT CARE.

But if you want me to stop warning people about you, its simple.  Stop spreading lies about me.  Take my name out of your public vocabulary.  Take me and Rainy off your DNFI.  I do not think about you, I do not talk to people about you very often, most of my current friends didn’t know the things you did until today because I had no reason to tell them.

For anyone uninitiated - all you need to know is that this person’s tumblr title is “an aphobic [reclaimable slur]” and so by admission they like to harass other minorities for fun.  Seriously, you don’t have to be an ace inclusionist or even believe aphobia is real to just be a nice person, what the fuck?  This post in particular is extremely telling.

Also they retweeted a post from someone with the username “panphobe” so.

Just a few notes.  Hope the asexual who stans a literal stated aphobe gets tired of licking that boot soon.  And Peri too.  Your obsession with me is more unhealthy to you than it is to me.  Just...drop it.  I will only add to this if more accusations are thrown my way.   I am done with you.  You have a repeated behavior of this shit, and I want to add more things but they’re heresay from other people so I don’t feel comfortable adding them.  But yeah.  Stop hurting people.  Stop bullying people and being angry and aggressive for fun.  You’re not as cute as you think you are.  There’s a reason this shit keeps happening to you.  Get better soon.

As for me, I think I’ll spend the next three months going back to forgetting you exist.  I liked it there.  But you can keep thinking I’m stalking you if you’d like.  I have all the proof and evidence I need that you’re a fucking liar right here.  And most of your tweets accusing me of shit are deleted too.  Now leave me the fuck alone.

PS, even if aroaces arent oppressed, sending them hate messages based on something they cant control is really shitty :) its not like we’re still a minority group or anything!  I’m also literally trans, so you’re proving the fact that the bad exclusionists always target other LGBTs who happen to be aspec for their harassment :) but keep it going keep it going, every spiteful message sent to me specifically because im aspec and part of the LGBT community just fuels my agenda.