#he calls him bryan. So much in this. absolutely surreal

[jasonzucker]

this poor child caught in the middle of the zucker-rust intricate chirping rituals

[oddygaul]

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off, and also just Scott Pilgrim

-footage from Rebuild of Scott Pilgrim

I watched Scott Pilgrim Takes Off, then realized it had been nearly 15 years since I actually read the comics, so then I re-read all of those. I wish I had just done it in the right order to begin with, because doing it this way really scrambled my thoughts about both works. In my defense, how was I to know Takes Off is actually a sequel? What am I supposed to do, read things?

I was pleased to find that the original Scott Pilgrim honestly holds up pretty well. Takes Off is clearly such a reflective work that I was expecting to find the original story a lot more problematic than I had in high school, but… for the most part, it really knows what it’s doing. Yeah, a lot of the characters are shitbirds, but they’re meant to be shitbirds. The entire point of the book is showing us flawed people who intermittently make shitty decisions, and giving them a chance to grow, reflect, and treat the people around them better.

So generally, I still really liked Scott Pilgrim. All the goofy-ass character art and the surreal, unexplained quasi-fantasy Canada bits that made it tick back then still work. This time around, I really appreciated the writing and dialogue for not only its bevy of solid jokes, but for how fucking weird it is. In the past decade or so, I think a lot of ‘quirky’ humor has homogenized somewhat into a particular tone. Call it Whedonization or globalization or internet brain or whatever you want, but it can sometimes feel like anything aiming to be comedic hits a lot of the same beats.

The Scott Pilgrim comics, however, are a weird time capsule and their own vibe entirely. These fuckers just talk like aliens sometimes. They say random stuff, but it’s not *holds up spork* random, it’s “shit sorry I was kind of half listening but I think the thing I’m about to say is relevant” random. It’s less big swings to try and land a punchline, and more of two people letting loose a stream of consciousness at each other, lending a sense of constant confusion to the proceedings. It’s absolute nonsense sometimes, and I was way into it.

This ties into a slight shift in my read on Scott as a character, too. I always just saw him as a huge asshole - and that led to my biggest issue with the movie, which was that Cera plays him way too meek and doesn’t suck nearly enough. Reading the comics again, though, while Scott absolutely does suck, he’s just so fucking head empty that I warmed up to him a bit more. He’s still an asshole that doesn’t take responsibility for how his actions affect others, absolutely, but also god damn he’s so dumb that it softens the blow sometimes.

There were some little details about characters I’d forgotten that I really love - like the fact that Scott is actually a really good cook, but does it purely through intuition without knowing what anything’s called.

Art-wise, I liked it a lot more than I remembered, too; it definitely starts out a bit rough, but there’s a lot of charm to the characters and their weird gremlin mouths. I also laughed at some of the manga inspiration I didn’t pick up on before; everyone’s got big anime eyes, sure, but the grey screentone Clip Studio pattern fills? The hiring of assistants to do polished background work as the author gets into the later volumes? Ahh, classic.

Takes Off was a lot of fun, too. I gather that a lot of the internet fandom is upset it wasn’t a straight retelling of the original story with killer animation, but man, you gotta let creators create what speaks to them. Bryan Lee O’Malley started Scott Pilgrim twenty years ago. He’s been both married and divorced since then. Surely he’s gone through as much growth and change as we all would in such a timespan - how could you expect someone to just re-tread the exact same ground on such a personal story?

I find it interesting how prevalent this trend has become in the past decade or so - a creator or creative team returning to an old work - seemingly out of necessity, as the IP has become such a juggernaut that it’ll happen with or without them - and refusing to just tell the story again by the numbers. Anno’s Rebuild of Evangelion is the closest spiritually to this, but even recent ‘remakes’/reboots like Final Fantasy VII and God of War 2018 have followed the same path - creators ruminating on the strengths and weaknesses of older work from a more distant lens to create something new. They all seem to have arrived at this methodology independently, too (O’Malley said he only watched the Rebuilds once Takes Off was written and well underway); it’s not about chasing the trend of an altered remake, it seems to just be a natural desire to reckon with the past this way.

Because of this, one of the reasons I really wish I watched the show after re-reading the comics is to have a better sense of the evolution, and the change in tone and message. Due to watching Takes Off while having only a hazy recollection of the original, I made a lot of assumptions about how the original work must have portrayed things, to explain what Takes Off’s themes were a rejection of: that by giving Ramona more agency, she’s less of a damsel in distress/prize to be won, and isn’t defined by her body count… when in fact, neither of those are really the case to begin with. Ramona has plenty of agency in Scott Pilgrim, she fights as much as Scott does, and really is only defined by her body count as narrative framework, not judged in-universe by the other characters* **.

*I think some of these misconceptions may have come from having rewatched the movie more recently than I read the comics, as the movie (if I remember correctly, which this entire blog has established I likely don’t) does tend to treat Ramona as more of an passive object. Her subservience to Gideon in the real world (rather than in her subspace mind prison) comes to mind.

**Also, you could argue that the framework of the story itself being ‘guy fight’s girl’s evil exes in order to earn the right to date her’ is inherently placing importance on Ramona’s body count and someone’s romantic eligibility/desirability being defined by that but like… man that just is clearly not the vibe imo

If anything, I think the real lack that the show was trying to make up for wasn’t Ramona’s lack of agency, exactly, but a lack of screentime. Takes Off simply spends more time inside Ramona’s head, letting us see things from her perspective, and understanding the reasons for why she is the way she is and why she does the things she does. In some volumes of the book, she’s aloof almost to the point of feeling like a trope; it’s clear (especially later on) that there’s a reason for the way she acts, but the story just doesn’t necessarily communicate it very well. In the show, with Scott sidelined, we get to spend a lot of time with Ramona, understanding her thoughts and feelings, which is certainly a welcome change.

Anyway, intentions of the changes aside, I wouldn’t trade Takes Off for a straight remake in a thousand years; the sense of utter surprise I felt while watching the story take a hard left turn was exhilarating***. Plus, if the reason you love a series is the characters you’ve developed a bond with, what could be better than canonized fan fiction written by the original creator, showing your favorite characters interacting in new and novel ways? How could one not be excited to see Gideon and Lucas bro out and watch anime together? How could one not be thrilled to see Wallace Wells enact further chaos upon the whole province? More than righting storytelling wrongs, Takes Off is making space to tell more stories and round out everyone’s favorite supporting characters in a franchise that, due to the inherent density of its plot and setup, simply hasn’t had the real estate to develop all of them and let them breathe.

***Having just played through NieR recently, I almost felt like the show had scanned me, detected I had gotten Scott Pilgrim Ending A before, and was throwing some NG+ bonus content at me lmao

As far as the production goes, I was impressed overall, but thought it did suffer from some awkward timing and pacing issues. It’s stiff competition when your inevitable point of comparison is an Edgar Wright movie - even other live-action movies can seem stiff and slow compared to his frenetic pacing and constant cuts - but it still felt remarkably low energy at times, especially in the back half. Now, this is a problem you see a lot in anime dubs; English and Japanese are two very different languages, with different cadences and construction. Since a cast is typically required to dub over already existing animation, the translated dialogue often ends up being elongated and unnatural when it should be a quick back and forth, or hurried where it should have a little more breathing room. Given, though, that Takes Off was not only recorded in English before Japanese, but actually recorded before animation then animated to the dialogue (exceedingly uncommon), I was surprised the show still had this issue.

Regardless, the boarding in the first 4 episodes or so manages to be bombastic enough that this isn’t a problem; there’s a lot of wild camera angles and perspective shifts that keep things dynamic even when the dialogue itself isn’t moving too quickly. The animation highlight for me personally was the fight in the video store between Ramona and Roxy; great idea, incredible execution.

While Science Saru is the main production studio, I was intrigued to spy a bunch of other studios listed in the credits - WIT, Shaft, Ufotable, Trigger - but upon some further research it looks like they were just doing inbetween work.

Also the music includes slapped - I was jamming hard to Kidnapped by Neptune and Konya wa Hurricane, and then that United States of Whatever drop? unreal.

[dalekofchaos]

Undertaker’s Streak never should have been broken

Nearly 7 years later and I still think it was dumb to end the streak. I even think it was dumber to let that steroided freak of a part timer be the one to do it. It did not help or elevate anyone. It ended one of the few things I had to watch on Wrestlemania every year. 

The Streak was special, sacred, a spectacle and important. 

It was stupid. Brock Lesnar did not need it. He’s Brock fucking Lesnar, the Beast Incarnate. There was absolutely NOTHING he needed to build up. All he needed was to look good trying to end The Streak.

Someone like CM Punk or Bray Wyatt, yes I agree they would’ve been better, but considering how both men were treated by WWE, do you think it would’ve done anything for them when it’s all said and done?

You killed the golden goose. You killed the one reason why old school fans like me actually fucking gave a fucking damn year after year after shitty storyline after shitty storyline. I was done with WWE after the Benoit murders due to how they cultivated an environment that allowed Benoit to lose his fucking mind. But I had one bright spot. The Undertaker and his Streak. And you killed it for Brock?

I don’t care if it was Vince or Taker’s call. Letting Lesnar to be the one to do it was fucking stupid. Where in the  hell did anyone involved with this stupid decision think this was a remotely good idea? You would have thought that if going into it you knew that this special thing was going to come to an end, this special thing that so many wrestling fans like myself and so many more held near and dear and sacred to their hearts, you would go out of your way to make this feel like something truly transcended, something truly iconic, something that truly would stand the test of time. But instead what you decide to do was drop The Streak after TWO DECADES of fucking investment to a guy who's a part-timer that advertises a sandwich shop on his short pants and his matches. Bad build up in a bad match and a bad decision as it happened. It's one, it's two and it's three! It was surreal not only because the streak was over and the realization the truth smacked us across the face like a ton of bricks, but it's over like after two decades and THIS is how it ends after over two decades after so many memorable moments and so many memorable matches and so many times where you feel it was this close ti veubg vrijeb abd then somehow someway it wasn't. This is how it's decided that it's gonna end? This is gonna be the nightcap to over two decades of fucking legend? Over two decades of awesome? Over two decades of accomplishment? Over two decades of something that will never ever be touched again by anything in the WWE or professional wrestling as a whole? This unfullfilling, unsatisfying completely idiotic piece of shit is what we got instead and to me the truth of the matter is it will always feel like it was a great big slap in the fucking face. It's like after all this time, Vince laughed and was like "eh, fuck you fans, who needs you, this is how we're gonna do it" and this is dumb on so many different levels. Of all people, Taker decided he wanted to drop his streak to Brock fucking Lesnar...why? Let's evaluate this for a second. This is the same Brock less near the heading into Wrestlemania XXX was 1-2 and from a logic standpoint this sure as shit doesn't make any sense at Wrestlemania. Need I remind everybody that this is the same Brock Lesnar that just one year earlier couldn't beat Triple H at Wrestlemania 29. The SAME Triple H, OH THAT BY THE WAY The Undertaker beaten him in back to back years at Wrestlemania!Including what was a glorified two-on-one handicap match the end of an era Hell In A Cell Match where Shawn Michaels was a special guest referee and not to mention he beat him in 2001 at Wrestlemania 17. So Brock Lesnar, a guy with a career losing record at Wrestlemania, the guy that couldn't beat Triple H, another part-time wrestler at Wrestlemania 29, is now able to beat The Undertaker who was 21-0 at Wrestlemania and had beaten Triple H THREE TIMES at the biggest even of the year...THREE FUCKING TIMES! And Lesnar couldn't do it once.... 7 years fucking later and it didn't do shit for Lesnar or shit for WWE in general. Need I remind you WWE gave it to someone who left the WWE high and motherfucking dry after Wrestlemania 20. Do we all forget how much time and energy and investment the WWE put behind Brock Lesnar in his first two years on the main roster in the WWE for all the people who still defend this bullshit decision, these are all the same idiots who pissed and moaned about Cena and Roman. DING DONG DUMB DICKS. Do you not realize if Brock Lesnar didn't leave the company high and dry after Wrestlemania 20, they wouldn't have had to sit there and build up John Cena and later Roman Reigns to the point where they had to play it safe with them so they wouldn't be big enough to leave?? At least Cena stayed until he felt his time was over. Roman is awesome and his status is well deserved. Brock did not deserve it. It was dumb 7 years ago and it's still incredibly dumb and stupid. Of all the people in the Streak who could've beaten it, you're telling me Brock Lesnar is greater than CM Punk, Batista, HHH or Shawn Michaels. I would've accepted John Cena or Roman Reigns and it actually would've fucking meant something. Brock was never around much, he's made it pretty fucking clear he doesn't care about WWE, the fans or wrestling in general, all he cares about is fucking money. You wasted two decades of build up for this part-timer and waste of fucking money and again, it was not worth it and incredibly stupid. You could've given it to CM Punk and he would've stayed. You could've had HHH win at at the end of an era match and it still would've meant something. At least with HHH being involved in the day to day operations of the WWE, imagine how much more it would mean if HHH had actually been the one to end the Strak at Wrestlemania 28 end of an era match and then he turns around and loses to Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania 30 But no, you gave it to someone who didn't give a flying shit about the fans or professional wrestling. 7 years later and this decision was still fucking dumb. You can say whatever you want about Cena and trust me I was not a fan and I would've been just as mad 7 years ago if he was the one to end the streak because of what it represented to me as a wrestling fan, at least I would've known that he would have respected it, he would have appreciated it, he would have understood it and you actually would have gotten more long-term return on that very very long-term inveestment that you made as the WWE into that Undertaker character into the freaking streak! And what did it end up doing? Really at the end of the day what was the point of this? I mean if you really think about it, here's some things that have just really stand out to me. The fact that it was The Undertaker's call doesn't make it the right call. 7 years later I don't believe it was the right decision. Even those people that we respect the most sometimes make the dumbest decisions possible. This was dumb, it's just one of these things, well it was a great, shocking and surprising moment in Wrestlemania, well I bet it fucking was and the reason nobody saw it coming was because of a bad build up, a bad match in a dumb booking decision. It was a bad post-match reaction to it. It created a terrible Wrestlemania moment and some very detrimental dire bad consequences to the night to think about it. Instead of talking about Daniel Bryan's victory, they would be talking about Undertakjer's streak being broken and the shock and awe. Shock and surprise is not always good. You could take a shit or yank out your privates in the ring and I promise you tons of fans in that arena would be thinking what the fuck just happened? That's pretty much what happened. Who did this benefit? NO ONE! Did the fans want this? NO ONE FUCKING WANTED IT! Did it benefit the WWE? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT! The decision to end the streak was incredibily selfish. This was something a lot of fans were incredibily emotionally invested in. This was the only thing that kept me interested in WWE and Vince just had to ruin it. Vince just had to go with his old "eat shit and like the taste of it mentality" and shove this fucking part timer down our fucking throats for the next 6 fucking years. Choosing to end The Streak was selfish, incredibily selfish and incredibily stupid. I don't care if Undertaker wanted it to be over, The Streak still mattered. Why not preserve your legacy with the streak intact? Let's look at your career after the streak. Bad matches and you still come back every year. Taker was very loyal to Vince and the WWE, so why the fuck would you choose to let the asshole who left WWE 10 years ago when they clearly needed a star for the tremendous honor of breaking your legendary undefeated streak? You could've chosen a young guy who needed and deserved the honor to enhance his career. If The Undertaker doesn't care about his Streak, Legacy or career, then why should we? Why the fuck should I? 20 years and it was for nothing. Taker might be at peace with it, but I never will be. 7 Years and I am still pissed. It was incredibily selfish for Taker, Vince and the WWE to sit there and decide at Wrestlemania 30 to end it when it should have been all about Daniel Bryan and it should have been all about him overcoming the odds and obstacles. It ultimately became about The Undertaker  and his Streak ending. I will always believe the decision was a dumb one and I will never accept it.

Undertaker never should have lost. As Arn Anderson said “He should still be sitting here unbeaten. It's as special as anything has ever been, it's more special than anybody that won a world title. It's one of those things that comes along every so often and the character fits the angle. Leaving him undefeated would've been perfect. Let him walk away, let him retire, let him get put in the hall of fame all in one year and let that record, whether it would be 30-0, that's something monumental.”

And yes, I do believe Undertaker should have been undefeated with 30-0 and retire with the Streak in tact. After defeating Brock, these are potential Streak victims I could foresee

Wrestlemania 31:Sting(JUST THINK ABOUT IT. Undertaker returns after Wrestlemania XXX, no Bray Wyatt and we’re on the road to Wrestlemania, before he could even make his announcement. All of a sudden everything goes black. And we hear this  “When a man's heart is full of deceit... It burns up, dies... And a dark shadow falls over his soul... From the ashes of a once great man, has risen a curse...A wrong that must be righted... We look to the skies for a vindicator, someone to strike fear into the black hearts of the same man who created him... The battle between good, and evil has begun... Against an army of shadows, lies a dark warrior...The prevailer of good... With a voice of silence... And a mission of justice... This is Sting.” Sting’s classic Crow theme plays and as he makes his entrance to the ring. The stare off happens. Sting aims his bat at Taker and challenges him to Wrestlemania. Undertaker’s eyes goes white and gives him the throat cross. Sting vs Undertaker at Wrestlemania 31. Sting makes his debut in a way he should have appeared in WWE challenging The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. The Pheonom vs The Icon. WWE’s legend vs WCW’s legend. Perfect.)

Wrestlemania 32:Braun Strowman

Wrestlemania 33:Roman Reigns

Wrestlemania 34:Kurt Angle(Ronda would be facing Stephanie in a singles match instead, so we get the match we should have gotten at Wrestlemania 22)

Wrestlemania 35:Elias

Wrestlemania 36:AJ Styles

Wrestlemania 37:Aleister Black

Wrestlemania 38:The Fiend

The night prior, Undertaker is inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame. At Wrestlemania, Undertaker beats The Fiend and becomes 30-0. The night after he announces his retirement and a tribute show for The Undertaker goes off. The perfect send off for The Undertaker.

[carriagelamp]

This was a month of some amazing reads for me. Seriously, there’s a solid four novels all competing for my favourite book of the month, and many other fun reads besides. Depending what you like I would highly recommend most of these.

Another Kind of Cowboy

This was a really fun, queer YA novel. It’s about two very different teenagers: meticulous, anxious Alex from a dysfunctional family whose entire life revolves around riding... even if it's only the more "manly" Western-style riding his father approves of; and rich, naïve, self-centred Cleo who never cared much about riding but who has been shipped off to a equestrian boarding school in an attempt by her absentee parents to get her back on the straight and narrow. These two meet when Cleo, after she embarrasses herself at a show, is sent to new trainers — the same trainers who take on Alex when he decides to secretly stop riding Western and start learning English-style dressage instead.

The Barren Grounds

If you liked The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe but want something less white, Christian, and monarchy-centred then this is the book for you, it very much felt like an Indigenous Narnia story. Morgan and Eli are two Indigenous children who were forced away from their communities and into the foster care system. Morgan, who has been in it most of her life, feel disconnected and angry at everyone and everything, but finds herself obliged to care about her new foster brother who is in his first foster home and still shaken by the loss of his family. While the two are trying to connect, they are shocked to discover a way into a icy, snow-covered land populated with animals that walk and talk like humans… and which are slowly dying out because of the endless winter they’ve been cursed with.

Because of Winn-Dixie

This is a children’s classic that I have just never gotten around to reading before. I finally picked it up and read it in a single day. It was really cute! The story of how a stray dog, Winn-Dixie, gets people to look past their differences and prejudices, and brings a community together. Very warm and fuzzy.

Hex Wives

A graphic novel I’d seen mentioned in queer circles before and finally got around to reading. I had mixed feelings about it… the story itself was pretty neat, and the art was decent (better than the front cover suggests), but there’s that edgy american-style comic vibes to it that I’m a little tired of. Still, a worthwhile read if you want something that mixes bubbly hollow suburbia horror with witchcraft and brutal scheming.

It’s about a coven of witches who are constant reborn and eventually regain their memories and powers from their past lives. Fearing their power, they are hunted across time by men who would have them destroyed. Realizing that there’s no way to permanently eliminate them as long as they’re reborn after death, the men concoct a new plan to limit their power… to find them before they remember their past lives and shackle them into the life of a suburban housewife.

Marsupilami: Quilzemhoal

...Disappointing. I’ve always had a soft spot for Marsupilami and I finally read the first book a few months back. It was pretty fun and cute, but definitely a little racist. But it was old and I decided to pick up one of the newer books in the series to see if the creators improved on that front. It wouldn't be the first graphic novel series where the authors grow and adapt their work to fit more modern views. Well, somehow got more racist. I couldn’t actually finish this one. So yeah, I guess this is not a series I’ll be continuing, no matter what nostalgia I still have for it.

MASH

The novel that inspired TV series M*A*S*H! I’ll be honest, I didn’t really expect to like this given that I’d mostly heard that it was nowhere near as good as the show, but it was genuinely hilarious. Different for sure, but really enjoyable if you like a very dry sort of humour.

This novel is about three doctors — Hawkeye Pierce, Trapper John Mcintyre, and Duke Forrester — who have been drafted into the Korean War assigned to the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, a MASH unit near the front. To quote the foreword “A few flipped their lids, but most of them just raised hell, in a variety of ways and degrees”. The novel is essentially a collection of vignettes about the pranks, gags, and schemes Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke and the rest of the 4077 get up to while trying to stay sane amid blood, death, and horror.

The One and Only Bob

A very cute read. It wasn’t as good as the first book (The One and Only Ivan) but given that Ivan was an absolute masterpiece I guess that would be asking a bit much. The One and Only Bob is still a really fun, heartfelt novel, this time focusing in on Ivan’s canine best friend, Bob, who kept him company while he was living in his small enclosure at the mall. Bob is still best friends with Ivan even now that Ivan is living happily in a zoo with other gorillas, but now Bob is also learning to love and trust humans again after his traumatic childhood, and trying to figure out what it actually means to be a dog.

The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde

Another classic I had just never read, so I listened to this one on audiobook. I won’t describe the story because I think just about everyone knows the basic premise. It was fine! Not as boring as Frankenstein, not as interesting as Dracula. Definitely not scary, but it posed mildly interesting questions about human nature, and the language was smooth and pleasant to hear read aloud. I don’t regret reading it, but I also wouldn't recommend people go out racing for it either.

Shaun the Sheep: Blast to the Past

I shamelessly adore these Tales From Mossy Bottom Farm chapter books. They adapt Shaun the Sheep so well. Characterization is good, the art is charming, and the stories are all funny and quirky. It’s like candy reading. In this one, Shaun and the Flock accidentally invent a time machine rather than a go kart and find themselves back in the past, trying to help the much younger and less experienced Farmer manage the farm to keep it from failing and altering the future as they know it.

Snotgirl v3

If you haven’t read this graphic novel series but like having your brain broken, then you absolutely should try it. It’s by Bryan Lee O’Malley, creator of Scott Pilgrim, and it tackles similar themes as his others works: coming-of-age but rather than a child or teenaged coming-of-age story, O’Malley writes about young adults in the twenties and early thirties needing to figure out how to get a hold of their chaotic, dysfunctional lives while dealing with outlandish problems.

Snotgirl is about Lottie, a fashion blogger/influencer who comes to realize that while her online presence is polished her real life is a mess, and that her cynicism and pretension has left her with shallow relationships. And that it’s her responsibility to fix it. The strange and beautiful Caroline and her mysterious brothers don’t make things easier, since accidents and murders seem to follow her… but without anyone actually seeming to die. Lottie needs to navigate her friends, her ex’s, her own self-image, and a strange surrealism that surrounds her newest friend and romantic interest

...And honestly shit only keeps getting weirder. I really thought it’d give me some answers in book three, but nope. So for genuine fucking weirdness and fantastic character development, give this a try.

The Time Travelling Caveman

Another anthology of short stories written for children that Terry Pratchett wrote during his writing career. They’re all weird and quirky, but I wouldn’t call them best examples of his work — probably unsurprising since they’re mostly from pretty early in his career. Still, I think I enjoyed other anthology collections of his over this one. Kinda mediocre for Pratchett.

Wishtree

An absolutely beautiful story, unsurprising since it’s from Applegate, but this one was really stunning even by her standards. This story is told from the POV of Red, an old oak tree who has been living in this neighbourhood and watching it grow for a very long time, providing homes for the local animals, shade for the residence, and playing the important role of neighbourhood “wish tree”. Optimistic and friendly, Red has seen exactly how wonderful people can be… but is about to see how bad they can be as well. When a new immigrant family moves into the neighbourhood not everyone is welcoming, and Red gets stuck in the middle of it.

[spaceorphan18]

Changed For the Better 10 [Klaine Advent 10]

Rating: S for Shenanigans Word Count: 1839 Summary: AU - Kurt’s a struggling actor living in New York, and is currently working on a Made-for-TV movie starring Cooper Anderson.

A/N: Written for Klaine Advent Day 10:Judgment

Thanks @snarkyhag for taking a look at this <3

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9]

//

Changed for the Better - Part 10/24: You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Rehearsal for Kurt’s scene had ended about an hour ago.  He stood, leaning against the back wall watching the current scene on stage unfold - for maybe the tenth time.  Why he had decided to stay at the theater, clearly against his better judgment, was beyond him.  But he remained, captivated by what was happening on stage.

There were only two people up there.  Blaine was playing his character Bryan - suave and charming, being a little minx, looking for his prey.  The prey, Devon, was played by Sam Evans of all people.  Kurt got it.  He did.  Devon was sweet, kind, and a bit oblivious at times.  This character wasn’t much different than who Sam was in real life, or even the character he had in the Christmas movie he had done with Kurt.  Devon is completely unaware of Bryan’s interest - until Bryan let him know, blatantly in this scene.

Kurt’s own character wasn’t so bad.  Jack was shy, closed off, and secretly in love with his best friend.  It would remain an unrequited love - and for his own song he could channel his own version of Eponine from Les Mis.  It wasn’t much of an acting challenge.  

Funny, he missed the film set a little.  There was no Cooper pointing in his face, telling him to be gayer.  There was no fake snow, or strange Brittany logic.  There was no director like Artie, telling him that he needs grasp onto his inner fruit, pining for the day his berry is picked.  

Artie was currently stopping the scene in its tracks.  “Sam, you can’t play completely innocent in this scene.  I need a little more - oomph from you.  He’s the cat, you’re the mouse, but you know you’re the mouse which makes you really the cat.”  

“So, I’m a cat?”  Sam said, looking perplexed and slightly uncomfortable being mostly under Blaine on the couch.  “Is this the point where he’s going to kiss me?”

Blaine reddened, a little.  “Sam, that’s the point of the scene.  I thought you said--I thought you were okay with that.”  Blaine stood up and took a step back.  

“No, it’s fine,” Sam said, even with the discomfort.  “It’s just - so early in the play.”

“Oh, maybe there should be more tension,” Artie said, excitedly.  “Yes, maybe it’s an almost kiss - that way it’ll throw the audience.  You’re brilliant, Sam!”

Kurt rolled his eyes.  He liked Sam, but brilliant he was not.  Kurt had half a mind to go up there and show them how the scene was really supposed to be played.  How to be the flirt and the tease that the character was obviously written to be.  Play with Blaine’s, no Bryan’s tie a little, come in close and pull away last second, then take control when they got to the couch.  He’d pull Blaine, er, Bryan on top of him and draw him tauntingly close until giving in at the last second to plant the world’s most passionate kiss on him.  Then maybe test the waters, slip his tongue into Blaine’s mouth and...

Shit.  Was it getting really hot in there?  He really should go home.  

Kurt went down to his dressing room to collect his things.  While he was down there, he noticed he had a few messages - one from Rachel wanting to know if he’d do dinner with her, one from Elliott claiming he had found a piece of pottery Kurt might like, and one from his manager - the manager who hadn’t spoken to him since the wrap up of the TV-movie, telling him that they was going to be a little bit of press for it.  The last one was odd - press? For a TV-movie? And besides, it was only August.  The movie couldn’t be coming out so soon, right?  

He couldn’t tell if any of it was good or bad, so he gave his manager a quick call.  His manager didn’t have much info for him, other than a place and time to do said press, but at least they had an air date, too.  Two weeks from now.  The network was doing an end of the summer Christmas bash.  Which… made absolutely no sense.  If they had good ratings, maybe they’d actually run the movie at Christmas time, too.  

When the phone call was squared away, Kurt headed out for the evening.  But instead of just leaving, Kurt took the long way around, taking one last peek inside the actual theater.  To Kurt’s surprise, Blaine was on stage, alone, pacing.  There was no Artie, no Sam, no assortment of random assistants.  Just Blaine, lost in his own thoughts.  Curious, Kurt slipped in, and down the aisle, mostly unnoticed.  

“What are you doing?” Kurt asked when he reached the stage.  

“Oh,” he had startled Blaine out of his concentration.  “Just going over some blocking.  Artie and Sam stopped to get some dinner, but I’m not really hungry, so I thought I’d just go over this one again.  Make sure I can get the beats right.  I keep missing my marks.”  

“Need some help?”

Blaine thought it over a moment, hesitant at first, but then held out his hand to help Kurt on stage.  “Sure.”  

The stage was already set up to be a lounge at the boarding school, all wood paneling and leather furniture, in rich, warm colors, and even a chandelier hanging from the ceiling.   He had been up there plenty of times already, but still he had to give the set designers some real credit.  Kurt couldn’t imagine going to school at a place like this - it was almost.. .magical.

Blaine, meanwhile, was going over the steps of the scene, maneuvering around the small table and chairs, past the fireplace, and around one of the two couches.  Kurt remained quiet as he watched how easily Blaine glided, almost as if dancing, around the room.  

“The problem I’m having is that I feel like I’m coming on too strong,” Blaine said, as he came back to where Kurt was standing. He moved in close, grinned that charming grin of his, winked, then backed away - back into serious thought.    “I feel like it’s almost - predatory.”

“Well, it doesn’t help that Sam plays it as if he doesn’t know what’s going on,” Kurt skipped past him, pretending he was unaware of Blaine’s presence. “From what I got from the script, Devon knows exactly what’s going on.”  Then Kurt backed up again, right into Blaine’s chest, and batted his eyes.  

“Well, to a point,” Blaine said with a laugh.  He moved around the couch so it was between them, sitting backwards on his knees, facing Kurt, but still with a barrier between them.   “He’s aware and being purposely obtuse because he isn’t sure how far he wants to get into it with Bryan.  Bryan’s, well, known around school.”  

“Right, but there’s something there,” Kurt said.  He moved over the back of the couch to play with Blaine’s bowtie.  “Something that’s peaked Devon’s interest.  Like he’s playing with fire, and he shouldn’t, but his instincts are telling him to go for it.”  

“Yeah, but sometimes following your gut instinct doesn’t always prove the best choice,” Blaine said.  He moved off the couch, and over to the fireplace, pretending to take interest in the little figurines setting on the mantel.  

Kurt followed, and brushed up against Blaine’s shoulder, pretending he was interested in the figurines, too.  “Well, the script would say otherwise.”

Blaine backed away, and headed to the piano in the corner. Kurt followed, sitting on the bench as Blaine leaned against the side. “The script diverged from real life.”

“Oh?”

“So, this is probably weird to even talk about…”  Blaine plunked a few notes on the high end, as the mood shifted from playful to more serious.

“What is it?”

“Devon is actually me,” Blaine admitted.  “Or, at least based on me.  Trent used my middle name and everything.  And this whole thing is a little surreal.”  

“Really?”

“Yeah.”  Blaine moved away again, this time to lean up against the back of the couch.  “And Bryan’s actually based on my first... well, boyfriend would have been too much of a commitment for him.  Let’s say the first guy I seriously fooled around with.  He was always up to no good, and knew exactly what he was doing.  I was kind of dumb and naive.  This play is just helping me see that.”  

“We can’t all be held accountable for all of our past mistakes, can we?”

“No - but not all of us are forced to relive them, either,” Blaine gave a frown.  “At least I can make Bryan less smarmy.”

“So - if you don’t mind me asking, were any other characters from your real life?” Kurt got up, and moved to lean against the couch as well, though leaving a bit of space between them.

“Did you have one in mind?” Blaine said, shooting him a knowing look.

“Who was Jack?”

“Trent.”

“Trent!?”

“Yeah, he was in love with me for years,” Blaine said.  “Never said anything, though, and we all moved on.  He’s dating a pretty nice guy now.  I wonder what would have happened if he had.”

“A chance in the script, I suppose.”  Kurt began to inch closer.  

“Actually, Bryan and Devon ending up together was one of June’s edits,” Blaine said, looking out into space, not noticing Kurt slowly moving along the back of the couch towards him.  “It was originally supposed to be Jack and Devon, while Bryan learned a few well needed life lessons.  Shame it had to change.”

“Why’s that?” Kurt asked, his voice nearly a whisper as he pushed in against him.  Blaine was warm and soft, and Kurt felt so comfortable against him.  He had to feel it, too, right?  This wasn’t just a game being played out on stage - that there was a real spark between the two of them.  A connection.  Kurt wasn’t sure he had ever felt so comfortable with someone so easily.

Blaine turned his head, his golden eyes wide.  Kurt couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and he wondered if Blaine’s heart was racing as well.  It wouldn’t take much to close what little gap was between them.   “I like Sam a lot, but I would have much rather have had you as a scene partner.”

Kiss him - Kurt’s head screamed.  KISS HIM!

“Blaine?” Artie had arrived back in the theater.  The two of them broke away from each other, the moment gone.  “Kurt, what are you still doing here?”  

“Nothing,” Kurt said, feigning innocence.  

“Just going through the scene,” Blaine said.  

“We need to get back to work,” Artie said.  “Kurt’ you’re not in this one, off the stage.”  

Kurt stole a moment to whisper into Blaine’s ear.  “I think we should practice again sometime.”

Blaine’s face reddened slightly.  Kurt, a smirk on his lips, couldn’t help but take the moment to tug on Blaine’s bowtie again, leaving Blaine confused as he left the stage.   

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly(/Monthly) Update #44: Well That Was Fast (7/23/17)

How goes, friends. Three weeks ago, I wrote what I thought would be my last weekly update for at least several months. “They’re going on hiatus,” they said, “You won’t have enough content for months.” they said. But they didn’t count on one thing: Joshua. William. Dun.

...And, actually, a few other things. The last three weeks have given us more than enough content to give all two of you who have missed my combination of rambling and dorkery your fix. Again, I write this thinking it will be the last time I’ll write anything for several months, but who’s to say?

This Week’s TØPics:  

Sleepers and Closing the Eye

Josh at the APMAs/WTF is DEMA?

Goldfinger Album Release

We Know That Our Band Did Well in 2016... But How Well?

Major News and Announcements:

There’s been a fair bit of shenaniganry since the boys put a cap on the Blurryface Era. First, as expected, Mark dropped the final Sleepers vid. Peeps cried. Mark got some great shots. Josh got a boo-boo playing in the ocean at Hangout. Artopia notably wasn’t featured, which was a little disappointing, but it was still a great vid. The Sleepers series ended with a nifty animation of an eye closing, and we were all like, “Yeah, that makes sense, it’s called Sleepers, Tyler talks about sleep all the time, nothing new to see here.”

Then, a week later, Tyler (or somebody on the team, but let’s be real, it was Tyler) decided to destroy us.

Over the course of one day, all of TØP’s social media accounts changed their images every hour or so, in a series of pics that featured a red-filtered POV shot of a concert audience. Each image progressively shrunk in the manner of a closing eye, and each featured a different lyric related to sleep or saying goodbye mirrored across the crowd. Interestingly, the o’s in the final message were not crossed out, and instead the e’s have received horizontal slashes, perhaps indicating that the next era will feature the last part of the |-/ logo in its typography. Some people/publications freaked out, speculating it was a countdown to a new single or album, but it was pretty obvious that it was just one more nail in the coffin for the era, especially by the time it reached the above image. They’re done. They’re on hiatus. They’re not releasing music anytime soon. They’re just going to become a bunch of hermits.

...At least, until two weeks later, when Josh singlehandedly revived the fandom just as they had entered into their hiatus coma. Josh was invited to perform at the Alternative Press Music Awards, held this year in Cleveland instead of Columbus, but still not far from home at all (Tyler was likely on vacation and couldn’t attend, though the image of him staying at home with Jenna and his leaf blower rather than go to what I would argue is easily the worst awards ceremony in the music industry is really amusing). 

We’ll get to the performance in just a bit, but we first gotta address the fact that they won an award for Most Dedicated Fanbase. Josh (dressed in camo pants, a band t-shirt, and a baseball cap and yet still looking more professional than almost anyone else at the show), gave all the credit to the fans as expected, but also got in a couple of good jokes about how he is actually the most dedicated Twenty One Pilots fan. The most noticeable part of the speech, however, came at the beginning, when Josh explained Tyler’s absence by saying he was “cutting ties with DEMA [sic?]”.

As expected with the Clique, fan speculation immediately ran wild, and while the immediate reaction seemed to be that he was referencing some security agency that wasn’t properly doing its job, things quickly got out of hand when that son-of-a-gun Blurryface hopped back on his Twitter after months of silence (even through all of Tour de Columbus) to like a fan theory speculating that it was an esoteric reference to the eye-shaped Towers of Silence, old Zoroastrian structures (notably shaped kinda like eyes) on which the dead were left to be eaten by birds. That is awesome, intriguing, infuriating, and worrying at the same time. What’s going on in your head, Ty Jo? Are you just trolling? Are you outsourcing fans to give you cool ideas? What gives? Does any of this even count as news? Who cares, we’re all just flying through space on a speck, live a little.

One last bit of news: the new Goldfinger album The Knife, which features drumming from Jishwa on the song “Orthodontist Girl”, was released Saturday. It’s not really my jam, but if you’re into that sort of thing or just want to support Josh, it’s on Spotify/wherever else music is streamed or sold.

Performances, Interviews, and Other Shenanigans:

Anywho, Josh joined forces with two other amazing drummers (Adrian Young of No Doubt/DREAMCAR and Frank Zummo from Sum-41) to perform a drum medley of various pop and alternative hits. Despite (or perhaps because of) his much shorter time on the scene, Josh noticeably attracted much more noise from the teens in attendance. The performance featured everything from marching snares, audience members holding drums, exploding golf balls, pretty spotty audio mixing/camera work, Josh busting out a backflip, a pretty sick remix of “Ride”, and Josh playing “All Star” on the trumpet. It was pretty surreal.

Other than that, not much to report. Tyler has gone almost completely dark since the end of TDC, and even Josh hasn't been up to anything besides the APMAs and some occasional drum promotions. But there's still more to cover, if you can believe...

Chart Performance:

It's back! My old recurring segment's been kept mostly on the back-burner ever since "Heathens" left the Hot 100, but Billboard and the RIAA gave us a little more sales info about our band that I felt warranted coverage. First, some of the RIAA certifications for the band have been updated. “Message Man” has gone gold (500,000 approximate sold units), while “Holding On To You” and “House of Gold” have both gone platinum (one million). The big singles- in ascending order, “Ride”, “Heathens”, and “Stressed Out”- are now 4x, 5x, and 6x Platinum respectively. Nutty. Absolutely bonkers.

Next, after presumably six months of number crunching, those calculators over at Billboard released their list of the Top Money Makers of 2016. It's a pretty interesting read for any music fan, as the list includes a breakdown of the different revenue streams for each of its fifty featured artists, from how big a percentage of sales they receive in royalties to how massive their touring was in the given year. Our boys made the list for the first time ever, debuting at a whopping #13 and an estimated total of $21.1 (wtf) million. For context: that means that Tyler and Josh together made more money from their music in America in 2016 than Garth Brooks, Carrie Underwood, Future, Metallica, Maroon 5, and Elton John. 

However, like all Billboard rankings, this list contains tons of major caveats and weird arbitrary rules that makes it almost useless for actually assessing success. It doesn’t count sales in other regions, which is crazy for today’s global market and would totally reorder the list (for one, tons of the American country artists on this list would get booted out due to their negligible international sales and touring). It also doesn't cover other hugely significant revenue streams like merchandising, sponsorships, and other jobs like TV host or producer, which would likely put Twenty One Pilots quite a bit behind many of these guys for which the music is almost a secondary thing. Additionally, all of those artists have been making this kind of money much longer than our boys, and after taxes and other costs, most of that change probably isn't going directly into their bank accounts. Still, it's pretty safe to say that both Tyler and Josh are technically millionaires at this point, and it’s hard not to feel an immense sense of pride in the scale of their accomplishments. Now, I just genuinely hope they put those blessings to good use for charitable works.

A few more points from this list: The band was the top earner in 2016 in terms of publishing royalties due to their involvement with a major motion pictures soundtrack and the incredible radio support for three of their singles the whole year round. Additionally, they were the #3 most streamed artist/group of the year, just behind Drake and Kanye. They were also the biggest money-makers of any "new" group that had never previously been in this echelon of popular influence. For further context, the twelve artists that had better sales/touring years were, in ascending order, Rihanna, Billy Joel, Kenny Chesney, Kanye West, Luke Bryan, Justin Bieber, Coldplay, Adele, Drake, Bruce Springsteen, Guns and Roses, and Beyoncé- obviously, the boys are in very, very esteemed company. Finally, and perhaps surprisingly for those fans who consider Twenty One Pilots first-and-foremost a live band who are always playing shows, they were one of very few artists who did not make the majority of their money off of touring in 2016. This is not because they weren't touring their tushes off, but rather because a) they really did have an amazing sales year and b) despite what scalped ticket prices might tell you, the boys really did try to sell those tickets for much lower than what many fans were willing to pay for them. Most of the artists on this list were selling tickets up front at over $100 a pop; TØP was doing half that, and they were still up with the big boys. I'm a proud pop.

That's all for this week, folks. Not sure when I'll be back to chat again. Until then, and as always, power to the local dreamer.

[calamity-bean]

Atsula & Nunyunnini: But People Are Greater

For the most part, I’ve been thoroughly enjoying the series of American Gods. I try to resist comparing it too strictly to the novel; adaptations are their own creatures, after all, and I sincerely believe in letting them stretch their wings. I often enjoy when they do so. However, I have to say that episode 1.05′s Coming to America prologue — the story of Atsula and Nunyunnini — is the first sequence in the show to deeply disappoint me. Deeply bother me, in fact, not only because it bears little resemblance to the novel, but because the ways in which Atsula’s story was changed have muddled the message of the anecdote and seriously undermined the power of Atsula and her death.

Specifically, the show:

1. Omitted or reversed pretty much every identifying characteristic of Atsula, her people, and their culture — and, in doing so...

2. Undermined its own message about people being greater than gods by failing to present any real conflict between the two.

This is necessarily going to involve comparison to the novel, so I’m putting this under a cut for anyone who wants to experience the novel in their own time. 

1. Gods, humans, and humanity

For reference, here is a transcript of Mr. Ibis’s narration from the show:

It had been a hard journey east across the land bridge from Siberia. Freezing and dark, and it had taken a bitter toll. After the custom of her people, Atsula spoke her baby’s name, Aputi, for the final time. Her daughter would never see the new land to which they traveled. They did not travel alone. Their god came with them: Nunyunnini.

But when they reached the new lands, the promised food was nowhere to be found. Atsula communed with Nunyunnini, for the barriers were thinner then between people and their gods. And Nunyunnini spoke. And he showed her what to do, as he had once shown her grandmother, and her grandmother’s grandmother.

Nunyunnini loved His people, as they loved Him. And so it pained Him to tell her that escape from the cold embrace of starvation would come at a terrible price.

The gods are great. But people are greater. For it is in their hearts that gods are born, and to their hearts that they return. Gods live and gods die. And soon enough, Nunyunnini was entirely forgotten.

On the surface, show and novel seem to have the same broad strokes. A holy woman named Atsula is travelling with her people — and their mammoth-skull god, Nunyunnini — across Beringia from their Siberian homeland circa 14,000 BCE; Atsula is sacrificed, and Nunyunnini is eventually forgotten. Indeed, the bolded lines are nearly verbatim from the novel (although the context is very different). 

But does Atsula of the show bear any resemblance to Atsula of the novel? I’m not just talking about her iconic withered arm; what I mean is, does show-Atsula have any personality at all? Any actual characteristics? Does she feel like a character who actually exists within a society? No; she’s nothing more than a name, a profession, and a dead child. She speaks no lines, expresses no opinions, has no interactions with any other human beings except to speak her daughter’s name. Nor do any of her people have lines or opinions or personalities or interactions or even names. Indeed, they scarcely even have faces, because the show (or Mr. Ibis, to play along with the narrative device’s conceit) has chosen to render them all as exaggerated blue-gray CGI creatures in fantastical costumes who look vaguely but definitely not really human.

I have to admit that I don’t understand why this sequence was done in CGI. I’m a fan of Bryan Fuller’s work and tend to trust him, so I’m sure the showrunners had their reasons. I just don’t know what they are, and would personally have preferred that this sequence were done with real people, considering that the importance of people is ... kind of the sequence’s whole point.

And what people we see in the novel! Maybe this is just wistfulness related to my personal tastes rather than an actual fault in the show’s storytelling, but I love this story’s worldbuilding in the novel and wish we could have gotten some of it in the show.  We could have had Kalanu, the scout who "was a woman who dressed and walked as a man” (even going so far as to take a wife). We could have had Atsula preparing an entheogenic potion from mushrooms and her own piss; we could have had that strange and surreal and dreamlike debate between her and Kalanu and Gugwei and Yanu, where they each in turn don the guise of Nunyunnini and speak in his voice, arguing literally with themselves. These are characters. They have a culture. They have traditions and a social structure, and they argue and disagree and debate, with each other and even with their god. 

In six pages, Gaiman makes these people and their culture feel fully human. The show, for some reason, deliberately dehumanizes them by stripping them of their individual names and personalities, their religious traditions, and even their literal human bodies. 

I understand that adaptations have to make choices about what to include and that the show may simply have not had the time or the budget to develop Kalanu, Gugwei, etc., the way the book does. I get that. It makes me a little sad, but I can absolutely understand the show omitting them.

But if there is ONE THING, one single personality trait among the entire tribe that is critical to this anecdote, and thus one thing that I am baffled the show chose not only to omit but to reverse, it is Atsula’s defining quality:

She lacks faith.

2. “And there is no telling how long she might have continued in this blasphemy...” 

Oh, look at nice, devout show Atsula. Look at her pressing on bravely in the face of personal tragedy. Look at her asking her god for guidance and piously accepting it, like her grandmothers before her. Look at how willingly she sacrifices herself, and how sad Nunyunnini is that it has to be this way, that he has to kill one of his people whom he loves.

...Yeah, I don’t know who this Atsula is? But she’s not the Atsula I remember:

Atsula spat on the mud of the floor, and said, “No.” She could feel the god staring at her. “No,” she said. “You are a bad god to tell us this. We will die. We will all die, and then who will be left to carry you from high place to high place, to raise your tent, to oil your great tusks with fat?”

Because the Atsula I remember is a repeat-offending blasphemer, a doubting, heretical holy woman who defies her god from the outset because she cares about — and trusts — her people more than she trusts Nunyunnini, and because she knows that he needs them more than they need him.

And for calling him out on all that?

“Atsula has no faith,” said Nunyunnini in Atsula’s voice. “Atsula shall die before the rest of you enter the new land, but the rest of you shall live. Trust me: there is a land to the east that is manless. This land shall be your land and the land of your children and your children’s children, for seven generations, and seven sevens. But for Atsula’s faithlessness, you would have kept it forever.”

Note that there is nothing here framing Atsula’s death as necessary for her people’s survival. Nunyunnini frames her death not as a sacrifice but as a consequence of her faithlessness. Whether it’s an organic cause & effect sort of thing or an outright punishment by him upon her is unclear, but either way, the doom extends to her people as well, damning them to eventually fade. Certainly there is nothing to suggest that the idea of Atsula dying “pained” Nunyunnini in any way.

But what’s truly remarkable is how Atsula reacts to news of her death.

If the point of this story were that Atsula was wrong to lack faith, I would expect some sort of contrition from her; I would expect her to eventually come around and profess her devotion from him, or else to be proved weak or foolish in some fashion and Nunyunnini proved strong and wise. (He’s not. He is, as we know, ultimately proved out of date.) But Atsula never apologizes. She never praises Nunyunnini again. (Every time Kalanu, Gugwei, and Yanu do, Atsula is conspicuously silent.) And far from being weak, she — NOT Nunyunnini — is the one who chooses to frame her death as “the sacrifice that takes you into the new lands,” with absolutely no mention that this sacrifice is IN ANY WAY intended for her god.

It is a sacrifice for and to her people. For Atsula’s great blasphemy and great insight is that her people — indeed, humanity in general — are both more powerful than Nunyunnini and more WORTHY. And for her insight and her sacrifice, she is elevated to the status of an oracle among her people, who keep her head as a sacred object in the very same cave as Nunyunnini’s head. Thus it is NOT the blessing of a god that sees the tribe safely into the new land, but the action of a mortal who has empowered herself in spite of that god. And by empowering herself, she ultimately becomes something like a god to her people after her death.

Which is a powerful illustration of the second blasphemy Atsula speaks:

“That is the doom that Nunyunnini warned us of,” said Gugwei the old. “Surely he is a wise god and a mighty one.”

“He is the best of all gods,” said Kalanu. “In our new land we shall raise him up on high, and we shall polish his tusks and skull with fish oil and animal fat, and we shall tell our children, and our children’s children and our seventh children’s children, that Nunyunnini is the mightiest of all gods, and shall never be forgotten.”

“Gods are great,” said Atsula, slowly, as if she were imparting a great secret. “But the heart is greater. For it is from our hearts they come, and to our hearts they shall return...”

And there is no telling how long she might have continued in this blasphemy, had it not been interrupted in a manner that brooked no argument.

It’s amazing to me that the show was able to quote Atsula nearly verbatim and yet so thoroughly alter the context that the meaning becomes so muddled and confused. Her statement is not meant to be some kind of poignant truth delivered as a devout priestess sacrifices herself to a loving and sadly doomed god. It’s heresey, and that’s important, because the point of Atsula and Nunyunnini’s story is not only that gods can die but that they are fucking terrified of the very humans upon whom they depend for existence. We are greater than gods, and the gods absolutely do not want us to know.

Reviews I’ve read of this episode seem to feel that the point of this sequence — the reason for it’s inclusion in the overall narrative — can be boiled down to that final line: that Nunyunnini is forgotten. Belief sustains gods, and gods who are forgotten fade. If that is indeed the only point here, then sure: the show succeeds in communicating it. It’s no great revelation, considering that it’s central to the premise of American Gods and has already been made clear, but yeah, the point gets across.

But the show’s take on this sequence does nothing to communicate the complexity of the human-god relationship: the power dynamics, the affirmation of humanity over deity, the fear and hostility between worshipped and worshipper. It uses the right quote, but because it fails to present Atsula and her people as actual humans, it fails to include her defiance, and thus it offers no illustration of conflict between gods and mortals and thus no context for WHY their greatness is being compared at all. Nor does it even hint at the irony inherent in the fact that Nunyunnini essentially damns himself in the same breath that he damns Atsula and her people — for if they fade from power, naturally so does he. The show-only invention of her daughter, who dies at the very beginning, only further muddies the waters by giving the impression that Atsula already has sacrificed a life to this journey, really — not a sacrifice that she gave willingly, perhaps, but that she accepted and persevered from. Else, what is the point of Aputi at all?

Forgive me my rambling. I know this is all very rough and raw, and I hope it makes any kind of sense. I just can’t help but be staggered by the richness of theme and worldbuilding contained within these six little pages in the book ... and by how thoroughly the show flattened it all and flipped it on its head. The way the show presents it, it seems an affirmation of Wednesday’s line later in the episode: “We [the Old Gods] gave back. We gave them meaning.”

...Mm. To an extent, yeah. But when it comes right down to it, people give gods meaning, not the other way around, and while people can survive without gods, the reverse does not hold true. And I can’t help but feel that the show missed an opportunity here not only to feature an interesting culture but also to help communicate that the conflict in this story is more complicated than simply Old Gods versus New.

[the-fandom-newsletter]

Fandom Newsletter #8

Today is Friday, January 25, and it’s 2019! Welcome back to our first 2019 Fandom Newsletter, a provider for all things fandom!

Writers: Blackpurrl, Fyne, YoursTruly, and Atlas

Editors: Fyne and YoursTruly

“You don't have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom. And I still believe that that’s something worth fighting for.” -Castiel, Supernatural

Let's get started!

First up we have Fyne with the Supernatural, Sherlock, and Mythology fandoms!

Sherlock: Does Sherlock look up to/respect his older brother? Throughout the entire BBC show we see Sherlock being annoyed by Mycroft and at some points, Sherlock can be seen belittling Mycroft. But while the boys have a relationship that is rocky at times, I have reason to believe that Sherlock actually looks up to his older brother. In Sherlock's mind palace, when Mycroft is giving advice to further a case in some way, he is always higher up than Sherlock. Plus, Sherlock is always looking up at him. Is it possible that this is symbolism? Yes. Is it probable that this is just a cool coincidence? Also yes. Just thought I'd put it out there, folks. You decide.

Supernatural: Dean Winchester never saw his mother burning on the ceiling. I know, bold statement. But let me elaborate. When his mother's death was happening, Dean was a child in his room. When John ran in and told Dean to take Sam and run, I don't believe Dean ever even looked up and saw his mother on the ceiling. True, John probably explained to him later on how his mother died, but the image was mostly left to his little imagination. Fast forward some years later and Jessica is burning on the ceiling as well. Dean rushes into Sam's room to find Jessica, and he looks up with a face of absolute horror. This is the first time he's able to see what he had only imagined happening to his mother, and now it's actually happening before him. Something he had thought about his entire life, finally right in front of his eyes. And to be honest, it's probably even worse than he ever imagined. Hence the look of horror.

Mythology: This week's legend originated in Greek mythology and who we're talking about is Medea. Medea was a princess of Colchis, and she was known to be skilled in magic and sorcery. In the legend, she fell in love with Jason (son of Aeson and the boy who assembled Greece's bravest heroes to sail in the Argo in search of the fleece) and helped him (against the will of her father: Aeëtes) obtain the Golden Fleece (The Golden Fleece was the fleece of the gold-haired winged ram. The fleece in this legend is a symbol of authority and kingship). When Jason left Colchis, Medea ran off with him and even lived as his wife for years. Medea ended up bearing two of Jason's children during their marriage. But later on in the legend, Jason wished to marry Creusa (daughter of King Creon of Corinth). When Medea found out, she sent Creusa an enchanted wedding gown that burned the poor girl to death. Medea then completed her revenge on Jason by killing her own two children. (In some versions of the legend, the angered citizens of Corinth stoned the children to death instead of Medea). Afterward, Medea fled to Athens, where she later married King Aegeus.

Next, we have YoursTruly with the YouTube, Horror, Tim Burton, Hannibal, Movies, and Marvel fandoms.

YouTube: Fallout between James Charles and NikkieTutorials! Both makeup artists on YouTube uploaded a video of the same title with the same idea. No big deal, YouTubers follow trends all the time, right? Wrong. James Charles posted this video just a few days after Nikkie and didn’t credit her for starting the trend. He then tried to claim that he started the trend and Nikkie just so happened to have the same idea, despite him uploading AFTER her. We sure do love a good sister scandal!

Horror: The horror movie Escape Room is gaining major popularity online. The movie is set to be released next year, but they have started an online competition to see who can solve their puzzle. Anyone who is crafty enough to solve it is entered in a cash giveaway. Each day they change the puzzle. Can you solve the puzzle? Test your skill here, if you dare.

Tim Burton: Burtonists are all awaiting the release of Dumbo. Many fans can’t wait to see how Burton will put his dark twist on this Disney classic.

Hannibal: Fannibals are getting even more excited with continued talk of a season 4. Showrunner Bryan Fuller has begun talking about seriously giving the fans a fourth season following Alana and Margot. Will we get the season? Guess we’ll have to wait and find out.

Movies: Mary Poppins Returns starring Emily Blunt and Lin-Manuel Miranda is a massive success! Fans of the original say that the movie perfectly continues the story of Mary Poppins and brings back the same characters and charm as before.

Marvel: Fans are starting to get their conspiracy theories about Avengers: Endgame circulating. Seemingly every fan has an opinion on who will die for good, who’s coming back, and how they will defeat Thanos. What are your thoughts? We’d love to hear what you have to say on the topic! Also, the backlash from fans after the newest movie from Marvel Into The Spiderverse mixed up Spider-Woman and Spider-Gwen! The movie introduces a character which is very clearly Spider-Gwen (identical costume) as Spider-Woman. These two characters are completely different, both in personality and very obviously in costume and appearance.

Then we have Blackpurrl with the Harry Potter fandom.

Harry Potter: If you’re big into Harry Potter I’m sure you already know this, but recently we’ve been told that Harry’s scar isn’t just a lightning bolt. It’s also the hand motion used when the spell Avada Kedavra is cast. 

And finally, we have Atlas with the Gaming, TV, Musicals, Celebrities, and Voltron fandoms.

Gaming: A Fisherman's Tale is a VR game where you break reality. Read more about it here.

TV: After spending an estimated $12-13 billion in 2018, reports estimate that Netflix will probably spend up to $15 billion in cash in 2019. The popular streaming platform continues to collect and create new content every month in addition to reinforcing its abundance of original programming – and there appears to be no slowing down for Netflix. Imagine how much they will spend in 2020.

Musicals: Lin-Manuel Miranda recently raps at a fan for filming his musical Hamilton. Anyone who has ever seen a show of any kind is probably familiar with the phrase, "The use of recording equipment is strictly prohibited," and knows that the punishment for breaking this rule is a risk of being tossed out of the performance. You would think that Lin-Manuel wouldn’t take to kindly to being recorded on stage, and you would be right. But the way he did it is absolutely legendary. In character, Lin-Manuel self-edit live on stage, as he changed the words to one of the show's songs to call out the lady. He sang: "Lady filming in the fourth row, please stop it." The line was originally: "The problem is I got a lot of brains but no polish.” What an icon. 

Celebrities: Demi Lovato posted a snap to her instagram in which she is wearing a one-piece bathing suit. She is a queen demolishing the thought that the only way for women to look sexy is by wearing a bikini. Demi has been known to fight against sexist stereotypes before, and we’re glad that she’s still up and kicking these assumptions and knocking them down. Thank you, Demi!

Voltron: The showrunner of Voltron made a post confirming the show was celebrating its final day behind the scenes. Joaquim Dos Santos, one of the show’s executive producers, shared the bittersweet announcement alongside a touching message. Excuse us while we dab our tears. “This is it...our last day at Dreamworks on Voltron. It’s pretty surreal. We started this ride in June 2014 and we just had our final watchdown on the final episode of Season 8. I just wanted to take a moment to say that is has been an absolute honor and privilege to work alongside such a talented and dedicated cast and crew, both at Dreamworks and Studio MIR, who came together (like Voltron) to make something truly special. To the amazingly passionate VLD fandom, we couldn’t have made this journey without you. Your passion, creativity and love is infectious and has helped us up in tough times and creative low points.” What a way to close such an amazing time in our lives. 

Now let's move on to our news segments, where Fyne talks about positive news, news about mental health, and news about the LGBT community, plus Blackpurrl talks about World News.

Positive News: 2019 is just around the corner, and 2018 is soon to be left in the dust. While this is a fairly good thing because of 2018 having some pretty horrid things go down during it, not all was bad. Here is a list of some good things that happened in 2018.

LGBT: India’s supreme court has gotten rid of a ban on gay sex that has been around for centuries. Gay sex became a criminal offence again in India in the year 2013. The law, named Section 337, was brought back into the limelight. But recently, the nation’s supreme court voted to throw the law out the window in September. There is a new ruling that consensual gay sex (among consenting adults in private) is no longer a crime. Yay for gay people in India!

Mental Health: Our veterans are people who sometimes have to suffer in silence. I mean, it can be hard to get people who feel a pressure to be what they believe to be strong to open up. But there's something that could be a way to help us access these vulnerable people and it's called fishing therapy. Psychologists say that fishing can be an effective way to help with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and reduce symptoms. It was discovered that: “It could be helpful for veterans by chance, after chatting about how going fishing cleared their heads while they were having a pint.” It has been shown that overnight fishing trips have reduced PTSD symptoms by at least 30% in patients! For some, it was even the first time the patients left the house in years. Progress! An article by Metro even interviewed a veteran who has suffered with PTSD for the past 20 years of his life. This man went on one of the trips. He said: “Fishing is so helpful because it is a break to completely turn your brain off. It is the quietness of it with no distractions. When I came back for the first week, I slept properly every night and I struggle to do that.” (Iraq and Northern Ireland veteran: Stewart Bayford, 48)

World News: On MLK Day, Trump reminded black voters of what they lost with his election. Read about this here.

And now for our weekly tidbits where Blackpurrl gives a test and a trivia fact and Fyne asks a question to our followers.

Weekly Test: Animals!

1. How many mammals lay eggs? A. One B. Five C. All of them D. Two

2. True/False? Bees can only sting once, but wasps can sting many times.

3. Which animal is a mammal? A. Fisher B. Lionfish C. Basilisk D. Toad

4.  Which of these fish is a shark? A. Parrotfish B. Lionfish C. Dogfish D. Catfish

5.  Which one of these animals is a bird? A. Fisher B. King fisher C. Marten D. Beagle 

Weekly Trivia Fact: Did you know that beavers are among the few animals that mate for life? Once beavers find a partner, they stay together for as long as they live. Talk about TIl death do us part!

Weekly Question: If you didn't have to sleep, what would you use the extra time for? Let us know.

And for our last segment, the personality quiz.

Which of the 7 dwarves is you?

Question #1 - When a stranger attempts a conversation with you, which of the following can describe how you act?

A. You try to be polite, but strangers make you nervous.

B. You acknowledge the person, but you really don't like to talk to strangers.

C. You tell them to go away because you're busy.

D. You tell them that it's nice to meet them and invite them to join you in watching some TV.

E. You greet them warmly and crack a few jokes to break the ice.

Question #2 - Do you think you're an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist?

A. Definitely a realist. That glass is just a glass.

B. Probably an optimist, but that can change.

C. Pessimist. That glass isn't just half empty, but its also filled with poison.

D. Realist. Why put so much thought into it?

E. Optimist. That glass is half full and also contains rainbows and sunshine.

Question #3 - Favorite color?

A. Red

B. Purple

C. Black

D. Blue

E. Yellow

Question #4 - Your crushes all have one thing in common. What is this thing?

A. They're all intelligent.

B. They're all shy.

C. What is a crush?

D. They're laid back.

E. They're funny.

Question #5 - Pick a Snow White character.

A. The Huntsman

B. The Magic Mirror

C. The Evil Queen

D. Snow White

E. The Prince

Question #6 - Pick a Snow White song.

A. Heigh-Ho

B. Someday My Prince Will Come

C. Whistle While You Work

D. I'm Wishing

E. With a Smile and a Song

Question #7 - Which of the following would you like to do after a long day of work?

A. Read a book.

B. Make something. Anything.

C. Shoot some darts.

D. Sleep/Watch TV.

E. Sing/Dance

Results:

Mostly A's - You are Doc! You're the leader of nearly every group you are put into, even if you're not very good at it. You're very wise and like to think carefully about problems when they arise. People look to you for advice and guidance, but it can take a while for you to give them a good answer to their questions because you're quite a nervous person.

Mostly B's - You are Bashful! You are very, very shy, but people love you for who you are. You tend to blush easily, and your hands are almost always fiddling with something. While you're not big on talking, you do really enjoy listening. You like stories and poems, and you are big on music. When you want to get someone's attention, you tend to just stare at them, and when they notice you, you probably unknowingly flutter your eyelashes.

Mostly C's - You are Grumpy! No matter what anyone says, you're always complaining. You see the glass not only as half empty, but thrown across the room and shattered. You never seem to agree with anyone, but if any of your friends need you to help them out, you're the first person to their rescue.

Mostly D's - You are Sleepy! You tend to be fairly lazy, and when you have nothing else to do you're probably in bed or on the couch. You enjoy the simple things in life and you're not afraid to indulge in some relaxing activities. You're probably the type of person who is always tired and yawning, but your friends enjoy spending time with you when they need some calm. 

Mostly E's - You are Happy! No matter what life throws at you, you're always laughing and trying to find the sunny outlook. You see the glass as half full, and you even see your favorite drink inside the glass. You get along with everyone, but people can get angry at you because you can never seem to take anything seriously.

That's all for today! Goodbye all for this year, and we’ll see you soon! Happy 2019 with another Fandom Newsletter!

Signing off,

Atlas, Fyne, Blackpurrl, and YoursTruly

Test Answers: Animals!

1. D 2. True 3. A 4. C 5. B

[cheerstocrazy]

Wahh

I’ve been feeling so sad lately bc I’m about to start my period, and last week I was nostalgic as hell for past memories. I’ve only been listening to Don’t Take the Money (unplugged version), Good Guy, and 89 (Bon Iver). It sucks to feel this way. Anyway, I think last week’s nostalgia was triggered by watching The Beauty Inside with Mary and Matthew. The date was just so sweet and intimate, and ugh I just wanted something like that in real life. So I thought back to my date right before I left to NYC, and how nice it was to be with someone so down-to-earth and upfront about his intentions. Someone who understood what I was going through and could recite my feelings back to me. I felt so seen (in the best way). I can’t believe he told me, “Why’d you agree to meet me before leaving? You’re at your most vulnerable right now? So anything is fair game, right?” I was still trying to process all my emotions that week so for him to realize I was at my most vulnerable made me feel transparent and like someone actually understood my current emotions. I was so taken aback that he was able to read me. Now that I’m home and don’t have much going on -- I think back to that night. It was a perfect date/night/finale before leaving. He was just such a good guy, I wish we could’ve stayed friends afterward, but I don’t blame him for not maintaining contact. I mean no one can really put their life on hold and wait for something that’s not even a guarantee. I just felt like the rest of the world ceased to exist that night and time stopped momentarily just for us. We didn’t skip a beat and he was just so curious and he spoke 3 languages (!!!!!!!) and was legitimately woke (!!!!) I remember us sitting at the taco place all by ourselves in the corner with our kind of strange seating arrangement. Eating messily and just chatting about random things like 2 people who had known each other a while. I think me leaving made us more uninhibited and allowed for us to really enjoy the 1 night we had. I wish it didn’t have to end, I really enjoyed how kind he was and sociable. Just an all around really great human. Any girl would be lucky to have him as a friend, let alone a boyfriend. I’m sure all his invitations and effusiveness were said out of hopefulness that this would continue when I got back. I wish what he said was true. He was so well-spoken and deliberate, which I really appreciate in a human, and it’s so rare to find that in a 20 something year old - especially a software engineer!! Ugh, I’m going to cry. Anyway, that was one of my favorite nights of this year, I’ll never forget it. It was the best date I’ve ever been on, and it came at a very strange time in my life. After the Snap guy and the Dr., I just realized that good guys who understand and vibe with me will be incredibly hard to come by.  My favorite moments of 2017: 1. Date with the Israeli guy before leaving to NY 2. (Best/Worst) Nice at Hair in the Dog where I threw up my intestines - the entire day. From eating Japanese food, walking through Brooklyn, finding that wicked cool bar with awesome views. Eating that bomb burger at the South American inspired place with arepas. Waiting in the Sbux to kill time and for a respite. Walking around Brooklyn lost trying to find a club. Going back to the weird bar in LES and being pestered by the Asians. Getting free drinks, ducking to escape them. Eventually running in the rain to Hair of the Dog. Stumbling upon Andrew (hot guy) who just took us into the group and bought us drinks. Dancing with Orr’s friend then him, the hand job (lol). Being piss drunk, then not knowing what happened the rest of the night.  3. Salt Flat weekend with the Brazilians. Will be one of my favorite weekends of life. They were the sweetest and funniest guys ever, I cannot believe I found them. I remember seeing them at the bus station in Potosi and thinking omg, one of them is kinna fat and if he lost some weight, he’d be skinnier. I saw they were eating hot dogs and a bag of chips. Just laughed to realize they were my roommates.  4. The jam sessions and dinner in Cusco.  5. Coachella weekend: Bon Iver, Justice, Porteon, Jai Wolf. Having Julian take care of my the entire set and just swaying with me and keeping me afloat. That was absolute euphoria and a nightmare for me.  *Bon Iver ft Francis - Friends (MY FAVORITE CONCERT MOMENT EVER!) 6. The bar by PP’s apt with the fucking disgusting couple making out for 3 hours. Camaraderie is everyone in the bar clapping, snapchatting, heckling that couple.  7. San Pedro de Atacama - absolutely everything in that desert took my breath away 8. FWB Dr. those 2 weeks were pretty fun to have someone on speed dial to hang out with 9. The marathon 15 hour workday with Kathy and Daniel when we were delirious and literally just putting binders together for 5 hours.  10. Going out with the Chileans to Ex-Fabrica, the taking photos snafu lmao 11. Hanging out with Tiare on my last night in Chile. That was so fun to get day drunk and just eat and walk around.  12. WATCHING THE KILLERS FROM THE ROOFTOP IN AUSTIN!!!!! ZOMG WTF!!! 13. Gorillaz set!!! at ACL 14. I think I ran a 7+ miler this year.... 15. The Huaraz hike, sinking into the mud, standing around each night to joke around with people.  16. The entire day at Machu Picchu which WAS TOTALLY SURREAL AND MEETING THAT GROUP OF PERUVIANS!! AND THE SHORT LIL MAN WHO LOVED ME.  17. Barranco!!!! I love that neighborhood so much!!  18. Going off-roading in Sedona with the random Canadian couple we met.  19. My cute as hell South African roommate!! Eek I loved him so much 20. Hiking Montana de Siete Colores 21. Staying with the cutest Peruvian family in Ica. MY HEART, I LOVED THEM. 

Best songs of the year: 1. Francis and the Lights - May I Have This Dance?  2. Rhys - Swallow Your Pride 3. Frank Ocean - Good Guy/White Ferrari 4. Bleachers - Don’t Take the Money 5. Banks - Crowded Places  6. Mura Masa - What’s It Gonna B? 7. Haim - You Never Knew 8. Lorde - Supercut/The Louvre 9. Odesza - Corners of the Earth 10. Jai Wolf - Starlight 11. Kehlani - Do U Dirty Saddest Moments of the Year: 1. August 2nd - getting the call from Eastridge to notify me that I’d been let go 2. March - Seeing Sal, getting anxious that entire weekend, having no appetite, just the lack of control I had over my body. Dealing with his texting. Getting my car towed. 3. My mother not talking to me for 8 months. That took a toll 4. Dealing with insurance for months on end to resolve nothing.  5. In Banos, Ecuador to have my parents sabotage me for the first time and tell me to come home. 6. Cusco, when my mother wouldn’t take a photo of my vaccinations to which I sobbed on the floor. 7. The endless professional shitting -- all the you’re going to get hired/promoted blah blah. Nope 8. June 13th - when Bryan told me he was leaving the company. My heart sunk.  Honorable Mentions:  1. Colombian straggler 2. Date with the tall ass weirdo who made me not date for 6 months afterwards lol 3. HEAVING AND PUFFING AND DYING AT LAGUNA 69 OMG KILL ME  This was such a hard year for me mentally, physically, emotionally. I’m looking back and even though I did have lots of good moments (due to my South America trip), it was mostly a year that tested me. I just felt like I got walked all over and was taken advantage of. I felt so small most of the year at work and like my value wasn’t realized. It was a lot of feeling hopeful only to get crushed immediately, which I guess is what life is. It was so taxing for me to be at work and just not progress professionally and getting lead on. I didn’t deserve that at all. My best couple of months came from me being laid off, so I guess there’s that silver lining? Boys wise, this year didnt’ work out too well, lots of ghosts coming back into my life and another unsuccessful year of dating. My mother and I didn’t speak to each other for most of the year, which was ridiculous. There was a really big life event this year, and I definitely needed her to be there for me, and she wasn’t. That’s a year we’ll never get back, and I can’t really talk about it without crying. She’s talking to me again, but you don’t get to shut me out of your life for 8 months with no valid reason to talk to me again like nothing happened. This isn’t how it works. I don’t think our relationship will be able to come back after that, especially post election. It was just a really hard time for me, and it would’ve been nice to have a maternal figure for venting. I guess that’s when your friends come in. I remember being in the jacuzzi talking to Tam, and she told me about what my mom said and how she felt while I was away and like her heart sunk. And I was like what about me??? I don’t even know why she’s upset. I just teared up, I couldn’t take it anymore. Especially after my trip, and coming back to reality. I just wanted to disappear for most of this year because I felt so insiginificant, and that’s why I ran off to South America. I wanted anonymity but under my call, not someone else making me feel invisible. All I wanted this year was to be seen and heard, and that rarely happened. This was such a hard year for me, I still can’t get over how difficult it’s been. At least I sleep a lot not and am not stressed out. I need to move.  2018 goal: MOVE OUT OF CALIFORNIA!!! 

[mikesgotsquareeyes]

Tom Bryans. Thoughts on a life departed.

It has been just over a month since I lost my dad. In that time I have been gradually working my way through every one of, what could be described as, “the mourning emotions” from Total Grief through to Despair before falling deep down into Rage and then finally drifting into Melancholy. That initial sharp, piercing, sorrow has subsided and now I’m left with a pensive, introspective sadness you seem to only feel when remembering the life of someone departed.

The illness that took so much from Dad including and ultimately his life likewise stole it all from us as well. However there are things that even a despicable disease like the one Dad had could not steal. The first thing, however obvious it is to say, is the years and years of memories that we made as both a family and personally over Dad’s life. I remember the family trips we would take where Dad would have a few too many “strong” continental beers and exclaim incoherent sentences like… “Drink up quickly, I don’t want another beer so make it last” Statements like that could easily be dismissed as the pissed-up ramblings of a drunken madman but for me when Dad would blurt them out they had a sozzled poetry like that of a lager-drenched Philip Larkin or Spike Milligan.

Similarly I will always remember those personal little moments that Dad and I would spend together predominantly when we were playing music. These moments, I recall, were filled with both joy and utter frustration in equal measures. As Dad had his very own very distinct sense of rhythm. When he would play the violin or sing, he would perform with the same theatricality regardless of where he was, whether in our front room or at an event in front of 200 people. He would fly through certain sections of songs making them bounce and soar, yet at other times he would hang on notes for what would seem like an age until every last ounce of sentiment had been drawn out of it. It was wonderful to watch but an absolute nightmare to try to play along with. When playing alongside him, my performance would often be reduced to the musical equivalent of a man either arriving too early or too late for a bus. Nonetheless when playing next to him, I always had the best seat in the house.

However in many regards, Dad is still here. He’s still within me. I’ve got his stupid sense of humour. His insatiable thirst for shite jokes. It’s now up to me to decide when the conversation has become too highfalutin, and thus drag the brow lower with a bizarre joke without a punchline. Similarly, for all his irreverence, Dad was an incredibly sentimental man. An attribute that has remained in me also. He would often well up at a piece of music or something on T.V, which when I was younger would make me think: “How can that make you cry Dad? You big girl” However now I find myself doing the exact same thing all the time. To the hilarity of those around me. Most recently I welled up watching an episode of Derren Brown’s TV magic show Trick of The Mind. I know, what the hell? Cheers for that Dad.                                    

Ultimately I believe his sentimentality came from his beautiful appreciation for everything. My mum has told me stories about when they worked at the bank together. It there where they initially met and ultimately fell in love. Mum has told me even though he was the guy in charge, everybody loved him because he genuinely cared about the people he worked with. He was encouraging and saw potential in everyone in the office. He prided himself on having never sacked anyone. He believed in making people better. He hated the TV show The Apprentice, as he would say “That is not how you do business!”

Likewise he would see the innate value of things; forgotten or broken objects, from the minute to the massive. It was his love of things that made it impossible to throw anything away in our house. He would take things and fix them or re-purpose them. His shed was packed full of, what we used to call, “loads of old shite” but to be fair to him, the guy used it. “They’ll come in handy one day”

I remember once he spent a whole Sunday afternoon building me and my brother Nick a skateboard ramp out of a broken coffee table he had been keeping at the bottom of the garden. He put so much care and effort into building this elaborate, ridiculous-looking ramp, which made it all the more upsetting when it lasted 10 minutes before collapsing under the weight of our almost kick-flips. I think we stayed outside in the street hiding that broken coffee table all evening as to not hurt our old man’s feelings.

I do have one caveat to that last paragraph and it is the following story. Like I said, Dad would not throw things away. But we had this sofa. A relic from the Seventies. One of the most garish things I’ve ever seen. Seriously it was like something out of the Super Prize Showcase from an old Family Fortunes episode. You can imagine Les Dennis in a canary yellow lounge suit straddling it legs akimbo. Basically what I’m getting at is, it was a shit sofa. We had it for years, until it had essentially lost all comfort and was more coffee stain than design. 

Eventually, years after it should have been condemned forever, Dad finally replaced it. Which meant that we had to dismantle it…and I got to dismantle it with him. So one sunny afternoon, we took the sofa into the garden. Dad braced me beforehand that it was to be a strict, regimental, and systematic operation. He spread all his tools out on the garden lawn and explained to me the intricate process he had planned. Within five minutes, we were just kicking the shit out of that sofa. And we continued to wreak havoc on that poor three-seater all afternoon. He was always a very gentle composed man but that afternoon he kicked the arms of that sofa like a pissed gorilla in DFS. We massacred those seats till sundown. It was a day an 11 year old boy would dream about. It had everything. Outdoors, sunshine, mindless destruction, but most of all I got to spend all afternoon hanging out with my dad.

Ultimately this grief that I feel will never totally leave and lastly what I have realised is that Grief is a powerful emotion, which should be harnessed and used as fuel to power me to go live the life that my dad always wished for me, and to make him proud. He was a sensitive soul with the surreal jokes, who never threw anything away, who was an accomplished musician whom played to his own time, a failed carpenter but an expert at sofa demolition. But ultimately he was my friend and he was my dad.

[malcolmteller-blog]

[HORROR] When You Watch TV

“You can watch some TV while I’m at work!” Anna called out. Bryan was sitting on the couch, clad in bed clothes. Anna, in the room, was getting dressed - still buzzing from the sensual workout with him the night before - and then, off to work.

How did Bryan feel? She was amazing. Funny, brilliant, loving, passionate - everything any man would want. When he approached her at the soup kitchen volunteer session, months ago, he never expected something to come of it. But she gave him a chance. The rest was history. Perfect chemistry. By now, he loved her.

Half an hour later, he kissed her goodbye and locked the door behind her. Then it was back to the couch, and the TV.

Switching it on, he casually channel surfed, trying to find something to watch. Landing on a business news programme, he leaned in. Being a stockbroker, and always striving to be financially secure - for himself and his future family - this was his kind of material. For the next while, he watched. Then something happened. The TV blinked out. Frowning, he switched it back on. This time, it turned on to… something strange. Shifting colours, shapes. Confused, he continued watching. Finally, the shapes and colours settled into something. Something horrifying.

The blood and body parts and knives, and then the twisting and morphing human shapes, absolutely impossible, on the screen was yet all too real. This he knew, somehow. His heart beating fast, and the wrongness of this all too close, he tried to turn it off. But he couldn’t move. Stuck, he watched the surreal and vicious drama unfold on screen.

As he watched, the images on the screen intensified in scope and grotesqueness and sheer abominable wrongness. He felt his mind go numb inside of him. This is good, he thought. How could he think that? What was happening? He finally realized that the TV was speaking to him. Seeing the feasting, and so much more, he knew - somehow - that the TV was reaching out to him. Did it want him?

Hours later, tears ran down his face. He couldn’t scream. What the fuck did the TV want with him? Why wouldn’t it let him go!? The images were moving fast now - a rapid collage of monstrosities that he wasn’t even aware could be imagined, let alone witnessed. Finally, it appeared. It smiled, and then, Bryan was able to scream.

Anna entered an empty house late. Strolling into the living room, she smiled when she it was empty. Looking over at her TV, a warm smile on her face, she crept over to it and lovingly stroked the screen.

“Was he good, sweetie? Did you enjoy it?” Her voice was a soothing coo. She leaned forward, and gently kissed her true love, and then - smile still on her face - strolled into the room to change.