#he better have his goofy ass running animation in part 3 or else.

[rocketbirdie]

mister highwind is on the move!

[artemisunicorn]

Naruto Shippuden Openings Ranked

Aight y'all, I said I would do this months ago, so here we are.

Just like my last ranking post, I have no real reasons as to why I like this OP over that one. They're just poor reasons and explanations that I'll probably change my mind about after posting.

But yeah, this is gonna be a long post, so let's get to it.

Also just a disclaimer- I had a very difficult time ranking the openings, especially at the bottom. Just note that I like and enjoy every OP except one.

Actual ranking is below the cut because yay I can use my laptop to make posts now :D

Number 20 - Tsuki no Ookisa - OP 14

I always thought this was called “Size of the Moon” or something like that

This OP

Oh boy

I used to just hate this one with a passion

And I still do!

Okay not literally, but it’s still my least favorite

I see what they were going for

Red, black and white vibes

It’s….okay?

And the song

Yeeesh

It just doesn’t make me feel anything but the huge urge to skip it

I’m so sorry if you really like this OP but goodness I really don’t like it

It’s one of the only ones I don’t like vs don’t mind

I will say

The end though?

Where its showing the freeze frames of everyone

That looks great

Itachi at the beginning looks great

It definitely has its moments, but just not enough to make me really enjoy it

Number 19 - Hotaru no Hikari - OP 5

Or as I like to call it

SHA LA LA-

I already know y'all but to come for me on this one I'm sorry

This opening is,,,okay…

Now that I’ve seen all of them, I kinda have this bias of “I know what the next opening is and that’s a whole BANGER” so I kinda sleep on this one

But its not bad

I always love the Naruto and Sasuke parallel shots

Just not up there for me

Number 18 - Guren - OP 15

Another OP I lowkey just disregard after watching all of them because we all know what follows this one

But it’s not bad at all

I love the split screens

And then it all comes together

Kakashi and Obito’s split screen looks amazing

Actually, all of their shots look amazing

The song goes well with the visuals

I love the colors they used

Seeing Madara is always a treat

The shot of the hokage is good

But uhhh

Yeah that’s about all I got

Number 17 - Newsong - OP 10

Don't kill me plez

A lot of people don’t like this OP

I can see where they’re coming from

But it's goofy and wacky, and honestly not so bad

It ain’t nowhere near top tier, but I can enjoy it more times than not

The part where they’re running and do a lil jump

That took me out when I first saw it

The animation is supposed to accompany the wacky feel, and I feel that the animators had a lot of fun with this one

Overall, I don’t dislike this OP like most

I actually like it

But admittedly, it’s not strong

It’s very cute tho

It makes me smile

That team jutsu though

What the hell

I don’t know how I feel bout that

Also B falling

That was a nice addition

Also also Sasuke refused to be a part of this wacky ass OP which I love

Number 16 - Niwaka Ame ni mo Makezu - OP 13

This OP is fine

It doesn’t really do anything for me until the 5 Kage are shown fighting Madara

Which looks great by the way

But also gives me storm 3 war flashbacks

It’s pretty overall

Like all the parts with Naruto look really good

The individual shots of the 5 Kage and Sasuke are meh

I don’t really care for that part

Overall, ehhh

Number 15 - Moshimo - OP 12

I’m not gonna lie

I totally forgot about this OP

It’s fine

Nothing really excites me

I do like 2 parts though

Where Ay tries to punch Minato and he gets out of the way to fist bump baby B

And when Naruto is in the middle and it zooms out to show Kushina and Minato behind him

The song is good

Overall, okay opening

I was torn over whether to put this one above or below OP 13, but I decided above because I like the ending part more

Number 14 - Toumei Datta Sekai - OP 7

Another OP I really slept on

A lot of people really adore this one but I just don't see it??

It takes a second to kick off

It really only gets started for real when we see Pain and the trio’s flashbacks

After that, it’s pretty good

The music picks up, the visuals start getting quite interesting

And that Pain v Naruto moment where they just stare at each other and it shows both faces

Looks amazing

And of course, Kakashi brings some spice into the mix

It’s always a great time when we can see him in action

Makes me wish we got the girls v Konan though

But yeah, the shot with Naruto falling in

From then on, it's incredible

Number 13 - LINE - OP 18

From here on, these OPs are just the ones I love

This OP is a major breather

The song is very slow and nice

Visually, I love the choice in focusing on one thing at a time

Once character at a time

It looks very nice

The little destiny shard flying around

And I love how there’s variants in who interacts with the shard at the very end

My favorite is Itachi because he gives the shard to us and I’m not crying you are

It’s really pretty too

Not much to say here

I just really like it

It’s not top tier, but it’s a great OP nonetheless

Number 12 - Closer - OP 4

THAT SHOT AT THE BEGINNING

Where everyone is looking back

I absolutely love it

I absolutely must know if the budget was actually blown on Hidan spinning his scythe

The shot looks great though

Another vibe kinda opening

The ending is so cute with Naruto jumping in the air

they did that to cover the gaping hole in our hearts

ASUMA WHY

Also I completely forgot there was a second version until I saw it while pulling up the link

First version is better

Number 11 - Lovers - OP 9

That beginning part with the camera cutting and focusing on the three

Yeah that right there is great

And the explosion behind Killer B

Love that shit

They really went all out for the aesthetic kinda look

And it really pays off because the OP looks very very good

The song is pretty good too

But I probably wouldn’t listen to it outside of what’s in the OP

Every shot with Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura on the divide is really good

Number 10 - Blood Circulator - OP 19

Ah the top 10

Another song that is hype asf

I honestly prefer the third version with Naruto and Sasuke

But even still, this OP is pretty great

It’s a lot better visually in the second version because there’s not a lot of lingering shots

I love the shots of Minato, Kushina, Jiraiya, Orochimaru, Itachi and Iruka

But I also love that the whole first version is summed up in no time in the second and we move onto better shots

But the third version is the best visually

With the fights and flashbacks

And the ending with Sasuke staring and Naruto crying and then they fight

That rasengan is great

But even still, all versions look pretty good

I really don’t have that much to say about this one

I enjoy it quite a lot

Number 9 - Hero’s Come Back!! - OP 1

Everybody and they mama be dancing to this I swear

It’s a bop and a half

Honestly what a great way to start the series

I’m bopping every time it comes on

And that shot of Gaara holding out his hand before he don’t feel so good

My heart

I mean, what else can I say about this one

It’s just great

3..2..1 MAKE SOME NOISE

Number 8 - Totsugeki Rock - OP 11

First things first

THE SONG????

IT’S A WHOLE BOP

EVERY TIME I HEAR IT

I GET SO HYPE

Naruto’s face at the beginning caught me off guard the first time I saw it

Visually, this OP isn’t bad at all

I actually really enjoy this OP a lot

It makes me dance and headbang lmao

I would say the song carries this one, but nah

The visuals really go well with the song

I really don’t have much to say about this one

It really is just so fun and hype

And I really love it

Number 7 - Kaze - OP 17

This OP is very pretty

It’s another one I slept on

It’s animated so well

All of the freeze frames we see are stunning

And it’s animated very well

Also long Kakashi segments always get extra points from me

And this one is gorgeous so even more points

I love the kinda traditional style they were aiming for with the textures

The cuts to the hand signs are good too

Also in sync with the music which y’all know I love

The aesthetics in general are just so lovely

NIGHT GUY YESSSS

HE LOOK AMAZING IN THIS STYLE

This OP has some of the best visuals in all of the OPs

I can’t even express how beautiful it looks

And seeing Minato and Rin slowly fade by as Obito falls and Kaguya is revealed

So good

The song goes well with the visuals too

The song in general slaps

Overall, very good

Number 6 - Distance - OP 2

YOU ARE MY FRIEND

Okay SUE ME, I’M A BITCH FOR DISTANCE OKAY

I just love this mcfuckin opening so much

It caught my attention when I first started watching Shippuden

And it’s very pleasing to look at

Also that “Thank you my friend”

Hits me every time

And overall it’s a vibe kinda opening

The walking scenes are the best

Not a lot going on on the eyes, but it still looks really good

Honestly, it’s probably my favorite OP, but it’s not the best OP

And I’m a sucker for the emotions

And this OP brings it hard

It’s definitely ranked higher than most would put it, but I can only put it so low

I love this OP so much

Number 5 - Karano Kokoro - OP 20

Holy fuck

This OP

Damn near brings me to tears every time

This OP was,,,,well,,the end

This was the conclusion of the story

And my goodness y’all

It still hits me in the feels

The visuals with this one carry it on home

It hits hard seeing everyone growing up

Let’s talk about the visuals shall we

Starting right from the beginning

Shikamaru just sitting as the music comes in

By the way, the music fits so well with everything

But yeah, seeing him just look up with this soft music just warming your heart

And then it cuts to the shogi board so we know exactly what he’s thinking about

Then to Sasuke

Sasuke

With everything that’s happened with him, just seeing him be able to just breathe

It’s everything y’all

And then we get to see Naruto’s stone face up there with the rest of the hokage and then to this lovely vibe

Naruto and Sasuke doing the hand sign that saved the world

"Tell me the story of your life"

That shit right there

They knew what they were doing when they chose this song y'all

InoShikaCho eating some barbeque

Kiba being loved to death by Akamaru and Hinata smiling

Do y’all see why this just makes me so happy yet?

Free Kakashi points

The shot of Naruto as hokage

That part got me good when I first saw it

And even a little now

Lee, TenTen, and Temari showing that they’ve still got it

The zoom in on InoShikaCho to Ino saving Sai

THE WHOLE EVOLUTION OF NARUTO AND SASUKE

THE HIGH FIVE

THE P I C T U R E

HOW ARE Y’ALL NOT CRYING

The story has finally come full circle

And there's finally peace

It’s just overwhelming happiness

I really love this OP so much

Number 4 - Blue Bird - OP 3

HABATAITARA MODORANAI TO ITTE

Blue Bird slaps

Visually, it’s absolutely incredible

Like that one part

Y’all know that part I’m talking about

Where Sasuke and Naruto do that parallel switch

*chefs kiss*

It’s just so good

AND THAT’S ONLY ONE PART

THE WHOLE THING IS JUST SO PERFECT

AND IT REALLY GOES SO WELL WITH THE SONG

Y’all better know by now how much I love the visuals synced with the music

And this song delivers on that

I know I have so much to say about this one, but I’m not gonna remember to say it until after I post

I prefer the second version (even though it’s just the same animation from Closer)

MEZASHITA NO WA

AOI AOI ANO SORA

Number 3 - Diver - OP 8

Let me get this out of the way

I LOVE Diver

It’s another OP that just always got my attention from the get go

They really calmed down with the visuals on this one

Instead opting to have the very pleasing gentle visuals that match so well with the song

And then he gets blasted out of the water and it gets SO GOOD UGH

All the hidden gems you don’t recognize until you rewatch it after seeing everything come together

I love that

And then Sasuke coming in to get all up in Naruto’s personal space just to fuckin chidori the shit out of him

It’s quite sad

But then his friends just lift him up

My heart

Then he wastes no time just rushing in to save Sasuke in the same 30 seconds as when Sasuke attacked him

It really shows his character

But also it was a whole direct reference to how Sasuke was looking over him back when he first left in the rain

That’s the subtle little hidden gems I love to see

Also the music just slaps so hard???

Like hello??

Who told y’all to make something so good????

And did I mention that I just love the visuals??

Number 2 - Sign - OP 6

EVERYBODY SHUT UP THIS IS MY SHIT

I REALIZE THE SCREAMING PAIN

HEARING LOUD IN MY BRAIN

BUT I’M GOING STRAIGHT AHEAD WITH THE SCAR

*drums going ham and guitar absolute shredding*

CAN YOU HEAR ME

CAN YOU HEAR ME

CAN YOU HEAR ME

SO AM IIIIIIIIIII

Okay now that that’s out of the way,,

THIS SONG FUCKING GOES HARD Y’ALL

IT’S SO HYPE

I am ashamed to admit that I used to sleep on this OP

Wait….

Both Sign and Silhouette have people turning to look at the camera-

And they’re both so good…

Dare I say…

Is this a….SIGN

I’ll leave now..

The opening part with Jiraiya and Naruto and then Sasuke and Itachi

My heart y’all please

AND THEN THE CHORUS

AND THE VISUALS

Y’ALLLL

ALL THE SHIT WAS GOING DOWN IN THIS ARC

AND THE VISUALS STILL GET ME HYPED TO THIS DAY

EVERY MOMENT IS JUST GREAT

There really isn’t a single second where I wanna look away

I can’t gush about this OP enough y’all

It’s so damn good

Also y’all know I gotta mention the hair whip

I’ve never felt pain like I did for Jiraiya and Itachi

It still hurts

But the OP

It’s just amazing

It still gives me goosebumps

UGH OKAY OKAY I’M DONE GUSHING

OR ELSE I’LL GO ON FOREVER

OKAY ONE MORE THING

But as I’m rewatching all of the OPs for this, I just fell all the way in love with the show again because of this OP

Number 1 - Silhouette - OP 16

Speaking of silhouette

We all been knew

From the get go, it’s just a blast

The song and visuals are a match made in heaven

Oh, and don’t think I won’t be gushing about them individually

Firstly

The song

KANA-BOON need to chill bruh

This song is SO GOOD

A BANGER

A BOP

WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT

THEY WENT TOO HARD ON THIS SONG

I DON’T UNDERSTAND

AND THE LOOK OF THE OP???

STARTING WITH EVERYONE TURNING TO THE CAMERA ONLY FOR OBITO TO SHATTER IT WITH HIS LOOK

TO THE WHOLE SERIES RECAP UP TO THAT MOMENT

IT’S AMAZING

I CAN’T EVEN PUT IT INTO WORDS Y’ALL

The colors pop

It’s so pleasing to the eye

All of the transitions and smooth animations

Like Obito and Madara aging up (and down)

The quick flash of baby Kakashi and baby Obito before we even see Madara’s aging transitions

Y’all know I love the camera focus/glitch effect and it’s used a lot here

Naruto’s aging up while running

The switch between the static look to the smooth look

And the pencil drawn kinda look

They really went so hard on this OP

MADARA’S BREAKDANCE MOVES AND FLIPS?!?!??!

Everyone getting the cloak

That shot of Rin spinning in time with the music

ALL OF THE FAST CUTS OF WHAT’S TO COME AS THE GUITAR FINISHES UP THE SONG

Everything is always synced perfectly with the music and it really just makes it so much better

Especially because the song is so fast paced

To match up the visuals with individual words and not just full measures or half measures

Like just one example

Obito walking and him aging up

All synced with the music

Y’all

I can go on about this opening FOREVER

It’s a true masterpiece

Right, well that's my ranking. Took many hours but I'm pretty happy with it for now.

My ranking will be completely new by tomorrow morning

But yeah please hit me up if you disagree/agree with the ranking. I love discussing these kinds of things with people!

This is starting to sound like a youtube outro

Also unfortunately no gifs to make the post pretty this time ;-; I'm having technical difficulties.

[popculturebuffet]

Donald Duck Birthday Special!: 12 Donald Shorts!

Happy Birthday to my faviorite duck! As you can probably guess from my previous Ducktales reviews Donald Duck is my faviorite of the classic disney gang. As an angry but well meaning, sometimes lazy sometimes hardoworing and always out of his depth guy really spoke to me for obvious reasons and my love of him made me check out life and times and well you know the rest.  But weirdly, until last month i’d hardly seen any of his theatrical shorts. I grew up as a “Tom and Jerry” and “Looney Tunes” kid, and with Disney never playing them on disney channel for whatever reason (even with the ones they really CAN’T play there’s dozens they sure as hell can), I just never had any real intrest. But then Louie’s Eleven happened , I was starved for Donsy content and thus rewatched Mr.Duck Steps out, and most of her filmography, skipping the ones where she’s the miserable wife from every sitcom... more on that later, and with one exception. So I wanted to review them.. but quickly reailzed that with 6 minutes for most shorts there’s not a ton to dig into, so I decided after finding out his birthday was next month to take a handful and pile them in here, review them and see what makes my boy so great, what dosen’t, and look at the good the bad and the holy shit did he just point a shot gun at that poor defensless animal of Donald Fauntleroy Duck. We get this party started under the cut. 

For funsies since, unlike most things I cover, every episode has a gif on here i’m going to use the gif keyboard to look up an image for the cartoon.. and if not well.. whatever’s there will have to do. 

1. The Wise Little Hen (1934) A charming little short that I rewatched today to get on the docket, and i’m glad I did. The plot is very simple: A Hen and her 8 chicks are planting, then harvesting corn. For each task they ask Peter Pig, Local dick and the Rusty Spokes of 1934, and Donald Duck, our boy looking very diffrent, for help. Peter just says who me then runs off while Donald fakes a bellyache. Both get their compuance when the Hen and her 8 chicks make a ton of goodies from the corn and decide to eat it all themselves, while donald and peter give themselves an ass kicking. 

I genuinely wish this is how life worked: Your bad, take advantage of people and your reward is not taking their beinfits and snickering but having to kick each other in the tuckuss on loop.. you know instead of the Peter Pigs of the world blaming people for getting maced in the face by stormtroopers. Sigh.  That aside it’s just a fun, charming short with great animation, and a great look for Donald. I do genuinely love his first look, even if it’d later be eased down to perfection. And there’s plenty of fun gags and great music. Overal a solid A short.  

2. Moving Day (1936) As you can see from the GIF this one isn’t strictly donald, we’re still one away from a starring role. After annoying the shit out of Mickey in the classic’s “The Orphans Benefit” and “The Band Concert” , Donald soon became his regular sidekick alongside Goofy. Both would quickly breakout and this short is apparent why as Mickey is a side character in his own labeled short.  The setup is somehow, after 84 years, STILL relevant to modern day. Basically Mickey and Donald are tennants who haven’t for whatever reason, paid their rent and are 6 months behind. And sure they could just be obnoxious squatters doing it onlyf or their art who shriek like banshees the moment their asked to actually pay rent, but thankfully this isn’t RENT, or else I would’ve jumped out of a window by now. No given this is the depression, their likely trying to hold onto their house and meager posessions for as long as they can while work is incredibly scarce... not like.. now.. ha .. ha. ha.... I may take the window up on it’s offer after all.  Anyways, our valiant heroes decide to try and cram everything they can into their friend Goofy’s milk truck while Pete’s busy putting up signs to advertise him trying to sell their shit to make up his back rent. WHich translates to a bit of mickey doing that and most of the short being spent with donald fighting a rug and Goofy being outsmarted by a piano. Both are utterly hilarious and prove why these two became far more popular, and overall the short’s a damn good timea nd our heroes win by still getting a pile of possesions out while their antics destroy the rest so pete gets nothing! Horay! They can sleep at goofy’s place! Now moving on from crushing reality, it’s animal cruelty! 

3. Don Donald (1937) I wasn’t kidding. Yeahhh this was donald’s first full, not attached to Pluto for some reason or an adorable chicken family or his mousy overlord short. Don Donald. Donald’s in mexico, for some reason and wooing a lady, in this case Daisy prototype, Donna Duck as seen in the header image. I like her, they have a diffrent dynamic, both being kind of tempramental and flirty instead of that being just ONE of donald and daisy’s dynamics. Others being muttually supportive and adorable (Ducktales and Quack Pack) or daisy being the wife from according to jim, or last man standing, or my wife and kids, or king of queens, or the george lopez show, or everybody loves raymond, or ... you know what i’m depressed enough from the last two shorts you get it. But you know without Donald being an obnoxious asshole who views every guy his daughter dates like a horny degernate who just wants to get in there and overreacts to everything involving them and makes me pray for death but death wont come.... I may not like classic daisy very much. Moving on.  That being said as you can tell from the donkey abuse donald.. ihs a fucking asshole in this one.. and not the loveable asshole he is in the band concert mind you I mean he’s less brent sienna and more tucker carleson. He laughs at his girlfriends misforutunes and hit shis burro and then tries to trade it in for a car.. which he does. He gets his commupance and all but yeah.. it’s deeply uncomfortable to watch him abuse this animal for half the runtime. Trading it in is one thing, but he’s still an utter dick to it.A short that COULD’VE been fun that instead is just uncomfortable, even given the time it takes place in. 

4. Donald’s Ostrich (1937) Donald works at a distant train station taking care of various cargo that comes in and ends up having to care for an adorable ostrich named hortense. Hyjinks, especially once she swallows Donald’s Radio, insue. This short.. is a MASSIVE step up from don donald. INstead of uncomfortable animal abuse donald just gets frustrated with an ostrich and battered round a bit, and tries to cure her hiccups. My faviorite bit is when hortense arrive, and stands up with a box on her,a nd donald goes under her gives a greatly delivered by Clarence Nash “what’s going on around here” before hortense sits on him. Really funny. And yes Hortsense is a regular ostrich. And yes that paradox has been around this long. But this one’s way funnier, way more charming and really damn adorable and dosen’t remind me of the crushing horrors of real life so yeah. A+. There’s only one short I like as much and it’s coming up. 

5. Modern Inventions (1937) Another one from his first year and another classic. Basically donald deals with various inventions in a “house of the future” type attractions, gets ruffled by them and the robot butler seen above steals his hat with a dry brtiish “your hat sir” while donald adorably pulls one out of thin air in increasingly creative ways. Again plotwise these shorts are simple but by now they figured out what made donald work: getting frustrated sure but with him being a relatable every man and sometimes trickster as seen here with the hats and him pulling that old coin on a string trick. 

He also dresses up like a baby at one point and i’ts weird but oddly funny... but yeah donald is in peak form here and this one is another clear A+, if for the running robot gag alone as donald keeps puttingon new hats and the robot has a truly spectacular design.

 6. Donald’s Better Self (1938)

Now for a weird one.. not the most surreal thing on our list, despite you know a devil version of donald popping out of his mailbox, but it’s damn close because you know, Donald as Satan popping out of his mailbox.  In short Donald is cast as a school aged child.... you know what’s coming. 

And you may say “Well jake they were just experimenting and his age was vauge at first” and to that I say, with no joke Huey Dewey and Louie debuted THIS SAME YEAR. Even given how adaptable older cartoon characters are, and they are it’s part of the charm, and tha’ts fine.. this is a bit over the line. Oh and it gets weirder as donald has the standard cartoon angel and devil arguging over his actions things.. only here the Angel and Devil are donald sized, and again fighting over the soul of a chid in the body of a 30 year old man, literally in some cases, ending with said devil encouraging donald to smoke before he and the angel get into a fistfight. While not an especially GOOD short, you have to admit.. it’s unique.. batshit but unique and worth at least one watch. 

7. Donald’s Penguin (1938)

The second in our trilogy within a series of “Donald gets a pet” shorts, this one start’s out fine, Donald gets an adorable penguin named Tootsie from “Colonel bird” and does cute things like immitate it’s walk or what not while Tootsie is a grumpus. Fun stuff. Then tootsie apparenlty eats Donald’s fish, and donald spanks the poor bird. Now this pissed off some people on Letterboxd but me, while it’s slightly distressing, it was 1938: while spanking was NEVER a great thing, it was acceptable back then and as far as Donald knew Toottsie knew not to eat the fish, Donald had told him no adorably, and did it anyway. So donald goes to get an apology trout, which he just.. has for some reason out of the ice box and uh.. things take a turn from “it was accpetable at the time” to “HOLY SHIT”...  Tootsie decides fuck it and eats the fish and uh... Donald.. how do I put this calmly.. ahemahem okay... DONALD GRABS A FUCKING SHOT GUN AND CHASES HIM AROUND, THEN ONLY BACKS OUT AT THE LAST SECOND, A SHORT FIRES, AND HE MOURNS WHAT HE THINKS IS HIS DEAD PENGUIN. We then get a cute shot at the end but holy shit.While Elmer fudd is one thing since he’s A) the bad guy and B) is indeed trying to kill a wild animal he has a lisence for instead of his fucking pet whose a protected species if those existed back then, this is just... like the donkey abuse, deeply uncomfortable. It’s one thing to spank a pet, even up to the 90′s that was acceptale and still is in some circles, but it’s another to try and murder it over a slight infraction. Just.. jesus christ. I want Tootsie back too, this was objectivley terrifying. Let’s move on. 

8. Mr Duck Steps Out (1940)

Ahhhh yes the short about dancing that brought me to the dance. This one is, without a shred of second guessing, which for my anxious self is a miracle, my faviorite both of this batch and in general.  The short is about Donald trying to go on a date with Daisy at her house, and his nephews inviting themselves along and trying to ruin there uncle’s every attempt at getting romantic with wacky hyjinks. That’s.. basically the plot.. as you can tell these things are very light on plot but here that’s all you need.  A few things to note. 1) The boys are VERY much in their early characterization, i.e., their all assholes instead of “All huey 2k17 but dialed down a notch” or “karmic tricksters working against their uncle’s ego”, though they’d ocassionally dip into this in the 80′s ducktales depending on the episode, especially if webby was around, and shove their face into it and inhale deeply like me with the hidden mountain of cocaine hidden under my basement.   The second is that Daisy has a duck voice, much like Donna did for this short and only this one. It’s not too distracting given she barely speaks, though she has more than enough body language to make up for it, it’s just.. odd.. especailly since it means Clarence Nash, donald’s voice actor, is voicing EVERYONE in the short and doing a terrific job of it.  Even weirder is Disney would later redub a shortned version for Disney Channel in the 2010′s that had their modern voice actors (Donald Aselmo, Tress Macneil and Russi Taylor, god rest her soul) re-dub it and it just feels all kinds of wrong despite the three being excellent va’s. I dunno the cleaner modern audio just feels wonky coming out of the old 40′s short.  But despite it’s oddities the short really has fun, from the iconic little dance donald does at the start...

Serioulsy I freaking love that dance and his outfit. To the little laughs donald gives when telling daisy “HA, I brought my nephews ha” like a 40′s tommy wiseau, to him roaring in a lion skin to the ending which is just pure adorable and nice because Donald actually GETS to win, especially because half of all donald shorts or comics where he’s sympathetic end up with Donald miserable and beaten up and me like this. 

Instead Daisy kisses him all over and over again, until the night goes dancing. 

Overal a fun, fast paced short about Donald trying to get laid and the gold standard of Donald Duck shorts. Two more things before I move on. This was co-written by disney comics legend Carl Barks, and it shows, and i’d be remiss if Id idn’t mention this bit of Daisy, after playfully shoving donald away when he coyly asks for a kiss, giving him a come hither signal with her butt.. which is somehow hot. Don’t ask me how.

And with that mental image we move on. What do we got next?

9. The Spirit of 43 (1943)

Ah yes propaganda! and the first one I couldn’t find a gif for. I watched this one because it’s another Barks one, he worked on several of these and was also the one who suggested not having HDL be assholes all the time as he felt, rightly, it’d get old after a while, and because it has protypes for scrooge and gladstone, and is thus one of the only shorts Scrooge is in and the only classic one... And like Donald’s Better Self it’s fucking weird. It’s all propganda no joke as ONCE AGAIN, yes AGAIN, two figures battle for Donald’s soul, this time a scottish man encouraging him to save and donate and a sleezy huckster encouraging him to spend for himself.. even though spending in bars and what not helps the economy and gives the bartender money to stay open during such trying times, but whatever. Also the huckster aka proto gladstone turns into hitler.. yes really.. and Donald then punches him through a swastika captain america style because donald duck is hardcore. Trust me this is somehow NOT a cocaine induced fever dream I had. Not a great one but like Donald’s Better Self worth at least one watch, in this case in additiont o the insantiy for the historical value of seeing two prototypes for Carl Barks most iconic characters. 

10. Sleepy Time Donald (1947)

As you can tell this one’s way more wholesome and way less of a drug trip. Donald goes sleepwalking and Daisy, realizing it, plays along so he dosen’t wake up and goes thorugh the motions of one of their dates. Very simple, ending with Donald thinking he’s the sleepwalker before she conks him out, and very adorable as while Donald isn’t concious, and has a boot on his head, we see what a standard date for them is like when Daisy is being written well as they strut around the park, he proposes, it’s all really damn cute and if you like these two together, you’ll really enjoy this one. Not much else to say other than it’s really precious and really funny and creative. Kinda hard to follow up Donald duck punching out hitler. 

11. Daddy Donald (1948)

Another quick one and the end of the “donald gets an animal” trilogy. First off, while I only got one gif from this short, I DID get this lovely image under “Daddy Donald” in Tumblr’s gif search thing

Awwwww. Anyways, Donald adopts a kangaroo like it was a baby, it’s kind of weird, not as weird as the above. He and Joey slowly bond, while he gets directions on what to do from the lady at the adoption place over the phone and hyjinks insue. Kind of cute but not quite reaching the heights of “Donald’s ostrich or the first hal fof “Donald’s Penguin” and not being quite as surreal as Double LIfe or Donald Punches Hitler.. which is what Spirit of 43 should’ve been named. I mean at least “De Fuherer’s Face” had a memorable name. But yeah not one of hte more notable ones and I mostly included it to round out the trilogy. Speaking of trilogy’s to close out this celebration of Donald, one of the last shorts and the last one featuring Daisy, and the inspriation fo rher Ducktales outfit. Donald’s Diary. 

12. Donald’s Diary (1954) Well.. this is basically one half of a good short ending in a lot of misogny. I could end it there but there is a lot to this short. It basically has donald, weridly in a clearly voiced narration talking about his courtship with Daisy as she first tries to get his attention and he’s oblivious.

Then she uses a rope trap and we get this iconic image which is concentrated awwwww. 

Then they date, Daisy’s implied to have dated a bunch of guys which was a bad thing in the 50′s but is perfectly resonable in 2020, and he meets her brothers, basically huey dewey and louie standins and her.. parents. Yes apparnetly donald’s parents have to be implicitly dead by present day, but Daisy’s can be alive. Weird ain’t it? It’s pretty adorable, has some great gags and we even get him proposing and them marrying!  And then the shoe drops.. yeah the rest of the short is how she expects him to GASP work all day , fair enough but then GASP do all the chores.. which is bad but the short implies it’s because he’s the man and she’s the woman and she should do housework. It’s actually bad because marriage is an equal partnership and while asking him to do a chore or too after working all day is fine just fine, asking him to do EVERYTHING while you do nothing is abusive and terrible and i’ve seen it actually happen in my friend’s previous marriage. So yeah this message can fuck off. And I knokw standards of the time, penguins having shotguns pointed at them etc but there’s not having aged well but being able to ignore it and there’s this.  And then she procedes to spousally abuse him and work him to the bone, and then he wakes up, and assuming ALL marraige sare like this dosen’t end up proposing leaving the poor girl wondering what the fuck she did to upset him. Real fucking cute guys. Seriously just.. part of the reason this part bothers me so much is MANY people think this is what marriage is like, like a fucking terrible sitcom. Life isn ot like home improvment or according to jim, or my wife and kids or king of queens or family guy, or you get my point again and yes I reused some their that bad.. even now we get stuff like man with a plan. It annoys me because 70+ years later and while it’s getting better this same lazy comedy still happens! and much like king of queens wasted the late great jerry stiller, this short wastes great animation and a great first half to tell a terrible story. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth and is a bleh note to end on. Watch the first half because it’s adorable, end it at the wedding.  IN conclusion Donald’s shorts are a mixed bag but as you could tell some are truly spectacular and some are worth the spectacle and all have terrific animation and effort put in, evne when they didn’t deserve it and as such I couldn’t think of a better way to honor donald’s birthday than with these animators hard, well worth it efforts. Even when it wasn’t great, it was still somewhat fun. So happy birthday old friend and here’s to many more. Later Days.

[yo-namine]

Last KH3 playthrough post! Endgame spoilers are below the cut.

Just a warning: This post is REALLY long and contains, um… opinions.

I’m glad the final battle trailer scenes happen right off the bat. I had no idea what would come next, and it made the experience that much more interesting.

Why do none of these keyslingers know how to block? First Aqua tries to shield Ven with her own body, then Sora does the same for Kairi. Just hit square, guys.

ZETTAFLARE DONALD ILU SO MUCH

The way Riku and Aqua stepped up to Sora’s side made me think they were going to be party members in another demon tide battle, but nope. Boo.

I’m surprised that Aqua just… let the demon tide take her? What the hell?

Sora loses Kairi, Donald, and Goofy and just… crumbles. He completely gives up and says it’s all over. Riku almost starts to try to soothe him, but instead, he gets up, tells Sora that he knows that’s bullshit, and then faces off against the demon tide (which was polite enough to wait for Sora and Riku to finish their conversation before attacking, by the way). It’s like a moment of tough love, and it’s actually what I was expecting Roxas to do back when I assumed he would be the one to show up in the Graveyard and pull Sora back on his feet. I wasn’t expecting a bunch of reassurances like “no, you’re not worthless, we can still do this, everything will be okay” but rather, “Get up, we’re not finished here.”

So Riku confronts the heartless and Sora just… watches in horror as they take him, too. And he doesn’t even fight back when they turn and come for him. And then the screen cuts to black and shows the final line of the prophecy, and… That was a really effective way to end that scene. Damn.

Yeah, I don’t know how to play chess, but I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to just conjure extra pieces from thin air, Eraqus. That was a nice line from him, though, about light from the past. Like, “The light doesn’t need time travel bullshit to kick your ass because HEARTS.”

Sora fucking died. Sora actually, literally fucking died. He goes to the Final World because he died. Holy shit.

The Final World is beautiful, and the music is lovely, too. The first thing I did after getting control again was take some selfies of dead Sora, ngl.

Sora’s been to the Final World before in his sleep, and Chirithy just let him pass through lmao.

Who is the first star that Sora talks to here? At first I thought it was Xion, but she says a “somebody” sent her to the Final World, so… Strelitzia? Ava? Skuld? lol I like that Sora just sits down next to her like this conversation’s the most normal thing ever. He’s dead and talking to another dead person, and he just rolls with it. I love this kid.

Some of the optional star conversations really got to me. One of them says that their friends replaced them after they died (“That was my seat. That was my place at the table.”). There’s also one that was apparently a child looking for their father, and that one actually made me tear up.

I’m not sure who the one who talked about being “identical” was. I think a third talks about their mentor, and perhaps that was a past keyblade apprentice? Another says that people teased them and a friend about being an item, and they pulled away from the relationship, and the other person never closed the distance. All of their little stories are just… sad. Jesus.

Naminé has a star! I missed her star on my first playthrough, but I replayed this part just for her scene. I wish I’d gotten it the first time, though. She clarifies that Kairi’s the one keeping Sora tethered to the world of the living. And god, Naminé’s words are so sad. She truly doesn’t think anyone really misses her or that she matters at all. But Sora says that he and the others (including “someone else special,” who I think may’ve been Xion?) miss her and want her back. AND she mentions her conversation with Terra from the orchestra! Holy shit, WHY was this conversation optional? That was important story stuff that explained why Lingering Will shows up when we rehash the fight in the Graveyard. Naminé came through for everyone in a pretty major way, and if you don’t talk to her star (which is VERY easy to miss), you’d never know it. Though… I guess that’s kind of fitting in a meta way. Naminé helping people from behind the scenes and not expecting any credit, I mean. Still, I wish I hadn’t missed this on my first playthrough. Anyway, Naminé’s “Let’s just say I’ve got your back?” was really cute. And then Sora thanks her and gets all flustered. “That’s not the official thank-you!”

I’m… still not clear on what exactly the power of waking is or how it differs from restoring someone’s heart the old-fashioned way (i.e. taking a Keblade of Heart to the chest), but okay.

JIMINY SURVIVED ALL OF THAT JFSKLFFJL

I liked going through the different worlds to save all of Sora’s friends. It was a nice callback to KH1, when you visit different worlds in End of the World, and when you get to Realm of Chaos and have to rescue Donald and Goofy from Ansem SoD’s heartless… ship… thing. It was really annoying fighting the same boss over and over again, though. It wasn’t difficult (save for one instance where the lich spammed aeroga and pinned me against the ceiling. I only survived because it triggered rage form.), and I get that it was just a series of symbolic battles, but I dunno, maybe just giving him less HP for me to have to mow down would’ve made it less tedious.

So the power of waking is “traversing hearts to reach worlds.” So I guess that’s what Sora was doing while falling through the different Stations of Awakening and then arriving in different worlds.

“There’s no saving you.” Fuck, okay, after finishing the game, this line in the sleeping San Fransokyo hits a lot harder. You think Kid Xehanort knows that Team Nort is planning to snatch Kairi and use Sora’s desire to save her to ultimately destroy him? Because if so… ugh.

Sora and Kairi’s little spin when they reunite is so cute.

“I feel strong with you, Kairi.” Awww but also UGHHHHHHHH because I know what’s coming. And then Sora has flashbacks to Eugene and Anna sacrificing themselves for someone they love, and I’m not 100% sure why. Is it just foreshadowing his sacrifice for Kairi? Is he afraid that her rescuing him will cost her her own life? Whatever it is, Kairi seems to read Sora’s mind and says that he’s safe with her. And again, that’s really sweet, and I like that her PoH powers are FINALLY being explored in some way, but fuck, knowing how this all ends makes watching this scene so painful the second time around.

I was so confused when Sora was revived and we started replaying that confrontation scene in the Graveyard. The first time I played it, I was very seriously considering skipping the cutscene and reloading my save because I thought I’d gone the wrong way or something, but then Lingering Will showed up and the scene changed. Phew. I guess we went in a little time loop there. But wait, if everyone’s aware that Sora revived them, then they must remember how they were taken in the first place, right? If that’s the case, why the hell did Ven run up to Terra a second time? Why didn’t anyone stop him? Why did Aqua have to look “Terra” in the eye a second time to know it wasn’t him? Am I to assume that if Naminé hadn’t summoned Lingering Will, these dingdongs would’ve all lost their hearts AGAIN?

I’m so over demon tide boss fights, but damn if that battle theme doesn’t kick ass.

EPHEMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT, OF ALL THE THINGS I NEVER SAW COMING. He helps Sora use the keyblades of all the fallen wielders from the first war to fight off the heartless, and you use the names of all those KHUX users who won that KH3 contest as attacks. Oh my gosh, what a sweet tribute. I like thinking that Larkey’s keyblade helped, too. <3

Oh god, when KH1 Riku showed up and Forze Del Male started playing, my entire life flashed before my eyes. I DID NOT want a rehash of that fight. I was relieved that I didn’t have to, but I was also just a little disappointed because that Xehanort shadow that emerges from him looked like a cool potential boss. I feel like there are actually a lot of scenes that happened in the Graveyard that would’ve worked better as actual battles or gameplay, tbh.

Also, that Forze De Male remix was hot as hell.

R.I.P. to all of fandom’s “Yen Sid is useless” jokes. What a way to go.

“You’re a whole pint by yourself, Sora.” I LOVE THIS DUCK SO MUCH.

I like that the maze tries to force you to choose between helping Riku or Mickey first like it’s some tragic moral dilemma. Like oh gee, let me think: Best written character in the series, or corporate icon Ricky Rat? That said, I actually did go to Mickey first just because I couldn’t get past the moving wall puzzle lmao. I wish this area had had a few more puzzles, though. I felt like I breezed through it way too fast.

Riku is really nerfed as a party member. He was CONSTANTLY KO’d in my fight against the Norts. Like damn dude, even Kairi stayed conscious through her battle (all 5 seconds of it, but still).

Repliku tears himself away from his own vessel and leaves it. For Naminé. Fuck, I didn’t expect that at all. What a great scene, and what a better ending for a character whose story I thought ended in CoM. I loved that.

Didn’t love that Riku and Sora just left Naminé’s vessel facedown in the dirt, though. Like… at least prop it against the wall or something guys, geez.

I like that you get a sort of farewell scene between the heroes and all the main villains of the series. It may’ve been a little fanservicey, but oh well. I’m not so hot on it from a story standpoint. Like I know we’re doing the anime thing where “I defeated you in battle, now we’re cool” but it still felt… odd. But at least it’s not as obnoxious as what comes up later with Master Xehanort.

I liked Larxene’s take on this especially, how she’d rather be destroyed than be a Nort. Why she joined up in the first place is still a mystery… And her answering Sora the way she did implies that the Norts aren’t just possessed mind slaves. They do have agency, though I guess that was clear from Even and Demyx turning against them, now that I remember it.

Building on the agency thing, I liked Vanitas’s scene with Ven. Ven wanted so badly for Vanitas to come to the light, but… It really wasn’t what Vanitas wanted for himself. “We decide who we are.” “I did decide who I am.” It’s tragic, but I like that it showed that not everyone was getting a happy ending from this game, and that there are some people you just can’t save.

COME GUARDIAN WAS TERRA’S HEARTLESS AFTER ALL. FUCK YES. I love that theory and I’m so happy it turned out to be correct!!!!! 

And then we finally get a Wayfinder reunion!!!!!! 

“What final words do you have for your superior?” Okay, I know this game is rated E10, but I half expected Axel to just look up and say “Fuck you.”

Xemnas and Axel’s conversation was so meta. Axel bragging about how popular he was, Xemnas calling Axel’s keyblade a joke. Like… Damn, they really paid attention to fandom over the years, didn’t they? I just wish they’d paid this much attention to all the fans who wanted a good storyline for Kairi. Anywho, Xemnas destroys Axel’s keyblade, so we lose two Lights from this scene. I’m kind of grateful that happened, actually. Having Axel lose his spot made it a little easier to accept Kairi losing hers. But only a little. Kairi getting kidnapped AGAIN was still stupid and contrived.

Unlike the other Norts, Xion’s apparently not acting on her own free will when the fight starts. Sora telling her “You can stop now” seemed to break something within her. And then Xemnas turns to attack her, and Sora’s heart reaches out to someone, and then BOOM. Roxas shows up to sass Xemnas and save the day!!! 

I barely did anything in that Isa fight, lmao. I tried to land a few hits on him, but then I realized Roxas could handle him just fine alone, so I just hung back with Xion and cast cure here and there.

I’m disappointed that there’s almost no interaction between Roxas and Sora beyond a couple of nods, tbh. It’s kind of a weak payoff after all the fuss Sora made about wanting to save Roxas at the start of the game. That was what Sora decided to fight for “with all his heart,” and then once Roxas is back, we just keep blazing ahead with the story without a moment to appreciate the fact that he accomplished his goal (or rather, someone else accomplished it for him).

Aww, Xion looked so left out when she stood of to the side and started crying. It was almost like she was hesitant to join Axel and Roxas after she came so close to almost killing both of them. She didn’t even reach for the other two when Axel pulled them into a group hug, she just kept her hands clasped tight together and sort of curled in on herself. Aw, honey. Anyway, I’m glad these three will get to be together again.

I half expected Riku to snap “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?” when Sora tells him that Kairi’s been kidnapped.

I liked both Xemnas and Ansem SoD’s sendoffs. Kid Xehanort doesn’t give a shit that he lost, though, he just fucks off back to the past knowing damn well what’s about to happen. And to that, I again say ugh.

And then we get… that scene. What the fuck did Xehanort mean by “You need motivation.”? Motherfucker, we are already out here in the Keyblade Graveyard having this showdown. Kingdom Hearts is looming above us. Sora just got done killing all ninety-seven billion Xehanorts. This fight is happening no matter what you do. This doesn’t make any fucking sense. Having Xehanort kill off Kairi was stupid and unnecessary and pointless and lazy and truly horrible, horrible writing. And see, I can’t even give Nomura the benefit of the doubt here because he actually had Xehanort call Kairi Sora’s “motivation.” That was it. That was the only reason Xehanort killed her. Not because she was a keyblade wielder who was in the way of his goal, not because she was a Princess of Heart whose power could pose a threat. Not because of anything Kairi did or who she was as a person, but because she was a THING that was important to Sora. Fuck that. Fuck that entire scene, fuck everything about it, fuck everyone who gave that writing decision the green light. Fuck it. And knowing how this game ends (with Sora apparently sacrificing himself to save Kairi), Kairi now has more motivation than EVER to fight to get him back, but you know Nomura won’t give a shit when it comes time to write scenarios for KH4. He’s just gonna throw Kairi back on the islands and have Riku be the hero. Riku will find Sora, they’ll have adventures together and apart, they’ll continue to grow as characters, and then they’ll go home to where Kairi’s just sitting pretty, waiting to be the perfect reward for everything Sora’s accomplished. So there you go, that’s Kingdom Hearts IV. I just saved you $50 in the future (not adjusted for inflation).

Just. Jesus Christ, of all the idiotic tone-deaf bullshit… To have so much self-awareness while writing Naminé’s dialogue in the Final World and Axel’s scene with Xemnas in the Graveyard and then NONE OF THAT WHATSOEVER when it came to writing Kairi’s final scenes… That’s unreal. It’s almost unbelievable, but I really shouldn’t be surprised. Nomura’s pulled this shit before, so oop @ me for actually expecting better from him. Lesson fucking learned.

Anyway, after we get past all that stupid sexist bullshit that I actively hated, Sora gets ready to leave for the next area. I like that Donald and Goofy literally pick him up off the ground and help him stand, and that they go with him afterward. I just love the Trinity Trio in this game so much. They feel so much like a family now, and since I’m clearly never ever ever ever getting any decent Destiny Trio development, that’s a nice comfort. The other keyslingers stay behind to keep Kingdom Hearts shut, and Xion tells Sora that she can sense that Kairi will be okay, which… Yeah, alright. I just saw Xehanort slash into her back and shatter her into thousands of pieces, but no, I’m sure she’s fine. flskjdf Okay, sorry, I get what that scene with Xion was trying to do, but it just doesn’t make any sense? Xion is Sora’s replica, not Kairi’s. I could buy that she can sense Sora’s heart, but she has no real connection to Kairi’s at all, so how would she know that Kairi’s okay? Maybe she was just saying that as a way to comfort Sora, like a “she’ll always be in your heart” kind of thing, but even that feels off. Like that’s the kind of thing you say to someone a couple weeks after the funeral, not right there at the crime scene. Oh well. I guess it was sweet that she at least wanted him to hear that.

Then we get to Scala ad Caelum, which was kind of a letdown, really. I was hoping to get to explore the city, but you really just have one large area that’s ultimately just a battlefield. The boss battles weren’t much of a challenge at all, and you don’t even have to defeat them all, which was disappointing, but eh. The only tense moment was when Xehanort triggered Sora’s rage form in the final battle, but Donald and Goofy kept me healed up enough that it wasn’t much of a problem.

Xehanort uses the “one sky, one destiny” line from Kairi’s letter. Like it’s not enough that he killed her, he’s gotta plagiarize her, too. Dick.

Donald and Goofy help Sora ward off Xehanort’s final attack! Like they literally, physically help him push back against it! I love these half-pints. <3

Eraqus! He asks Terra to look after his other apprentices for him, aw.

Xehanort gives Sora the X-blade, and there’s no “sorry I killed your friend” or anything. He just goes on to be at peace with Eraqus. Seriously? This dude abuses Ven, hijacks Terra’s body, throws Aqua into the Realm of Darkness, murders Kairi, and he still gets to pass on peacefully into the next life with his bff? Come the fuck on.

Hearing “Always On My Mind” again was nice. That was always one of my favorite tracks from KH1.

Okay, after rewatching the ending cinematic, it makes a lot more sense to me. Riku suggests that they all go back to Yen Sid’s place to figure out how to save Kairi (which… why are we all acting like this is something that can just be undone? She wasn’t taken into darkness by the heartless like before; Xehanort struck her down. We didn’t see her heart leave her body or anything, she just shattered. To me, that looks like an E10-rated game’s version of death.), but Sora knows what he has to do. It wasn’t until the second time through this ending that I realized he was already planning on waking her heart at the expense of his own life. Knowing that, it’s a little odd that Riku just lets him go with a roundabout way of saying “I believe in you.” Kairi’s supposedly Riku’s friend, too, isn’t she? And he knows how to wake sleeping hearts, too, so why couldn’t he go with Sora to find her? 

I loved seeing the Wayfinder Trio laying flowers at Eraqus’s memorial. I also like that keyblades are apparently used specifically for this when the wielder has passed on. That’s a nice bit of world building. And Chirithy is reunited with Ven after all (who apparently remembers them)! Aww. I still don’t know how the hell Ven exists in this timeline, but still. Aw.

I love Xion’s new outfit, and that she and her boys got to go back to Twilight Town together. I’m not so hot on Isa being there, though, and I’m really put off by how chummy he and Roxas seem. I know these scenes are taking place after a little time has passed, so maybe there was some tension between them at first that we just don’t see because it’s not particularly relevant, but still… Anyway, a shadow passes over them for a moment, and I think it must’ve been the gummi ship arriving to pick them up and take them to a party on Destiny Islands. Nice.

When I got to the scene of Naminé waking up in Radiant Garden… I actually started sobbing. Like that’s embarrassing to admit, but that scene hit me so hard. Just watching her open her eyes, and then seeing Dilan and Aeleus lead her out to the courtyard where the ship lands. Seeing her smile when Riku holds out his hand to her… I started crying while typing this up just remembering it, haha. I loved that moment so, so much. I’m so happy she gets to be her own person, that Ansem helped restore her to finally give her a life of her own after everything he put her through. I love that Riku’s the person to welcome her onto the ship, that he’s doing this for the Replica who gave up the vessel for her, but also because she’s been his friend, too (albeit largely off-screen). And the final shot of her laying her hand so gently in his... Holy god, what a finale shot. That scene ALONE was worth the thirteen year wait for me. I am truly stunned that that was part of the ending, that Naminé—of all characters—was the final person they built up to. That was just so much more than I had ever hoped for for her.

And then the actual final scene. You have all the main characters playing on the beach. Xion and Naminé are finding seashells; Riku, Roxas, and Terra are running around doing… something; the Twilight Town kids and Goofy and Donald are making sand castles; Lea, Ven, and Isa are playing frisbee. And then everyone stops to look at Sora and Kairi on the paopu tree. Sora vanishes, and you see Kairi start to slowly curl in on herself as the scene fades to black. And… upon rewatch, I actually like this ending? I was confused the first time I watched it because I didn’t have Kid Xehanort’s words in San Fransokyo fresh on my mind at the time, but when I went back and watched all the scenes together, I understood that Sora woke up her heart, and him “abusing” that power took its toll. I’m alright with us actually not seeing him do this (or at least, I’m not bothered by that by itself. I’m really bothered that it happened like that after Kairi got fridged the way she did, but on its own, it’s fine.). I’m upset that Sora’s gone, but truthfully, I was sort of expecting it. And like I said in my tirade about Kairi’s writing a few bullet points up, you know he’ll be back. It’s just really upsetting to know that Kairi now has to live with the guilt over the fact that he gave up his life for her, and that—as far as she knows—she’ll never see him again. And you just know that Nomura will absolutely, positively not let her do anything about it come KH4, to which I can only say, again: UGH.

I don’t care about Braig being Luxu, bye.

I think I’m still too raw from the emotional highs (and lows) of this game to really analyze everything as clearly as I’d like. There’s still stuff I want to talk about, but I’ll save that for another time. I can’t deny how much I enjoyed everything that happened before Kairi got fridged, but man, that one point really sours a lot of this game for me.

But yeah, that’s all for now.

[cupofsorrows]

HOWARD LOVECRAFT 4: CRAFT HARD WITH A VENGEANCE

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Time to continue this cursed journey, blighted not by eldritch forces but by sub-quality filmmaking. As you’ll recall (or not), LL Cool Craft and those other two dudes were on their way to beat themselves up a necromancer. Let’s see how well they’re doing:

PRETTY GOOD, IT DOESN’T SEEM.

Except wait, they actually do pretty well, because as we’ve already established knocking a shoggoth out through blunt force is both possible and fairly easy to do, and also because Dr. Armitage has the athleticism of a young Super Mario.

seen here bestowing an orb of discord on the enemy. yes i went back to the zenyatta joke.

Of course, they eventually get captured, and now it’s time for King Abby to reveal his evil plan...

“nah dude I already saw that movie, I know Thanos loses in the end.”

Suffice it to say that basically Abdul wants to “open the Gate of Dreams” because daily life has become soul-crushingly dull.

Like, I get it dude, I’ve worked retail too, but you don’t see me trying to destroy the universe. Anyways, the final journal is hidden behind a magic gateway that apparently only Howard can pass through:

All I can say is it’s a good thing this is an alternate re-imagining of Lovecraft’s life, and not the real version where he was heinously racist basically all the time.

Yes, Howard’s Dad, the animation’s terrible, but it’s looked like that all movie - I don’t understand why you’re just now reacting.

By now it’s time for the tables to turn yet again, through a series of actions I didn’t care enough to cap, and it looks like everyone’s about to escape...

BUT WAIT!

Nooooo Dr. Armitage! You were.......a character in this movie!

All four of them (they got Spot’s astral form in the crystal ball) escape through the portal, but Armitage is wounded in that special animation way where there’s no blood or even clothing damage but you have to hold your side and wince and you can’t walk for some reason. Is he going to make it?

Sorry, kid, but it looks like it’s his time to...return to the university? Um, OK. Oh, but first he can restore Spot to his bargain-bin aladdin-genie form.

Farewell, Doctor. This whole scene was very nearly pointless.

It’s all good, though, because the Three Amigos have a new destination!

This gives Paw Lovecraft plenty of time to ramble about how he came to write the journals (notice throughout how they can’t be arsed to give half of the things in this movie proper shadows but they do make sure to take the extra effort with the beads of sweat on his forehead):

Cool story bro, but I’m still a little unclear about NO NO WAIT I DIDN’T SAY FLASHBACK Aaah dammit, there he goes.

...

You could have given a thousand Lovecraft scholars an entire year to try to guess what might be in this movie and I don’t think a single one would have come up with “awkward Death Note homage”. My hat is off to you, movie. Bra-vo.

(i guess there’s a possibility it’s coincidental, but that’s even funnier because then that means two different people independently had the idea to animate somebody writing in a notebook but make it look as intense as possible, and they both came up with the exact same solution)

Now we’re finally introduced to Doctor West (voiced by Christopher Plummer), the mysterious colleague of Lovecraft Senior whom we’ve AAUUGH

my man I am so, so sorry.

...er, anyway, seems the two of them were working together when they made their big breakthrough. Here we see them as Lovecraft the Elder prepares to journey to either an alien planet or a particularly wild orgy.

...Adding “Stargate” to the list of things I wasn’t expecting this movie to rip off...

And now, at last, we learn why “Undersea Kingdom” was in this movie’s title.

I dunno, dude, it’s a kingdom and it’s undersea. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

Just then, however, Flashback Howard’s Dad is treated to a terrifying sight!

bigchungus.png

“Nice notebook, nerd! Yyyyyyoink!”

...And that’s the state of things now. That’s why DadCraft went nuts and that’s where the last journal is. He timed his flashback well, for they’ve just arrived at their destination:

Yeah, they probably shunned it because some crazy, Edgar Allan Poe-looking fucker was always up there running around and babbling in a nonsense language! I’d shun that place, too!

Underneath the hill is a secret base where Dad suits up to return to the Undersea Kingdom™ - Howard doesn’t need one, on account of the ‘turning into a fish’ thing.

see?

OK credit where credit is due, the actor playing this guy is really making an effort, and I actually sort of chuckled at this bit. His delivery is usually pretty goofy, but I think that’s the way to go here, and even if most of his lines are clunkers because, well, most of the script is clunky, there’s still an undeniable sort of heart behind it. Imdb says the actor’s name is Tyler Nicol, who doesn’t seem to have been in much, and probably can’t stand on the level of the big-name talents in this movie (though I def wouldn’t say they’re all at their best here), but I think he deserves some recognition for trying.

Tangent over, here comes the big fish dude again.

I think we can all guess what his name is...

...Munkus Q. Charliebears! ...Oh, yeah, or Dagon. That would’ve been my second guess.

But it’s OK, he’s on our side! In his minute or so of screen time Dagon manages to deliver probably the most useful exposition in the whole damn film, explaining that he took the journal to keep it safe and that he put up the magic gate that only plucky boy heroes can pass through, as well as laying out some background for Nyarlathotep and his motivation for being involved in this. It turns out that Nyarrblbarbagarbl wants to activate Cthulhu in accordance to the wishes of their mutual father, Azathoth. Now everybody’s hanging out in Dagon’s crib to get at the journal, so our pal Hovercraft had better get moving to get it before the bad guys do. This falls on him, because it was his dad who fucked everything up in the first place and now he’s too cuckoo to fix it himself.

You sure it’s that and not...you know. The racism?

Alright, so everybody up to speed? Everyone understand everything? No? Well too damn bad.

Disappointingly, “Y’ha” is not pronounced “Yeeha”.

(PRONUNCIATION GUIDE THUS FAR:

Tekeli-li - Tekah-leelee

Cthulhu - Kuh-too-loo (probably the way you’ve heard it elsewhere)

Shoggoth - Shuh-GOTH

Nyarlahotep - Nee-ar-LA-ho-tep

Innsmouth - The ‘mouth’ is pronounced that way (i.e. the orifice you eat with) instead of ‘muth’ which I had always assumed

R’lyeh - Ruh-LAY (this is the one I’m most calling bullshit on)

Howard - JEFF-ree

As the goodguys approach, the badguys sense their arrival:

“ ‘WhAt sHaLl i dO, blehhhhh I’m a Dumbass’ That’s what you sound like.”

LMAO YASSS DRAG HIS ASS

Then Howard et al show up on the scene, and it’s time for the Big Bad to make his debut.

OK I like this, I think it’s actually sort of eerie, but it’s too little too late at this point. Also, isn’t Azathoth supposed to be sort of mindless? Or have I gotten him confused with some other ineffable outer being?

I feel like I should say something about the sudden art shift, but I’m approaching the end of my patience and I just want this all to be over already.

Surprise, Mom is still a hostage! Her skin has definitely looked better, too.

LOOK OUT, WALLACE N. GROMIT IS OFF THE SHITS

You know what else he looks like to me? A cartoon mailman. Remove the mask and the hood, add the little mailman hat...do you see it?

Did I mention the trials? No? OK: there are trials.

The fate of the world before him, his family behind him, his meat enormous, Hocus Pocus Lovecraft can do nothing but move forward.

2 B CONTINUED

RIGHT NOW

[firebunnylover]

Hannah Watches LoSH - Brain Drain

Brain Drain

I’m so sorry this took so long to finish. A lot of IRL issues been going on. I had to address those before putting full attention on reviews. July sucked.

This episode was another one I livestreamed. Twice. With no regrets. And the featured guests for the stream are @fade-steppin, @peskyshortcake, @cyclone-rachel and @legionworldproject

So the opening to this episode is Superman and Lightning Lad talking to Saturn Girl and Timber Wolf about Brainy acting weird in the last few days, staying inside his room/lab.

Gee, maybe it’s got something to do with the subtext from the last episode?

When Saturn Girl is telling them they shouldn’t have to assume something weird is going on, Brainy comes out of his room.

Why did he do that?!

Superman finally acts on his concern and goes to knock on Brainy’s door, although Brainy tells him to go away.

Yeah, I’m sorry but I need to assume he’s upset about the chemistry between Superman and Lightning Lad last episode.

Superman tells Computo to override the door’s lock, and the group finally sees what Brainy has been working on. A containment chamber. For Brainy.

Superman tells Brainy to explain what’s going on, and Brainy finally does so. Stating that Coluans undergo an alignment every 2 solar cycles that share their intellegence, but that B5’s process will be different because he’s no longer part of the Coluan Hive Mind. And will be unpredictable for 10 hours.

Okay so we finally learn more about Colu. And we finally know what the hologram Coluans from Fear Factory meant by “One with us again”. They were talking about the Hive Mind. Oof.

When questioned about why he didn’t tell anyone, Brainy admits it’s his first time separated for this process, and that it will be embarrassing.

Aww, my self-concious nerd.

Saturn Girl reassures him that he doesn’t have to go through this event alone, which makes him smile.

My baby~

Just as the Alignment is about to begin, Brainy gives final instructions to the others not to let him out.

At first, nothing much seems to happen. But after a few hours, it happens.

I love these parts so much. Brainy is so expressive.

When the Alignment finishes though, Brainy is still acting different from his usual self.

Superman suggests it might be normal, and then the containment unit starts to act up.

Okay, I keep replaying this part, but I'm not entirely sure if that’s what he actually says. Forgive me.

Superman goes to save Brainy from the unit before it blows from a power overload.

Platonic friendship in the background ~

The best animation.

Later, we see that Superman has Brainy wrapped in metal as he’s still incredibly active. Saturn Girl tells the group that his neuron pathways are degrading, and if it continues he will permanently shut down.

Computo tells the group that Brainy needs Zuunium radiation to reverse the alignment’s effect on him. While Brainy says he likes Timber Wolf’s pants.

Oh Brainy.

Computo then states that Zunium is only found in one place, which Timber Wolf instantly recognizes, calling it Zuun.

Brainy then has a particular reaction that at first, just seems like him being a nutcase, but makes more sense afterwards.

No one seems to pay Brainy any mind to his comments though.

Because Timber Wolf admits that he grew up on Zuun, and is then chosen to lead the mission.

I would like to know more about the transmatter gate. Why doesn't the legion have one in the HQ? Are they expensive? It would be convenient.

At the Gate Station (idk what else to call it), we see a Jabba-the-Hut inspired character runs the place and laughs at the Legion’s request at using the gate. When he relinquishes, he gives Saturn Girl a broom, calling the needed gate, Gate 11, “Old Chompy”.

Mm.

Never change B5.

Starting up the gate is nerve wracking for both Superman and Saturn Girl as it immediately sparks.

But we see Timber Wolf show a softer side to him.

Okay, this is the first time he makes a joke on the show. He’s come so far… my puppy…

Timber Wolf goes through first, followed by Superman, who is reported to be a little gate sick. When it’s Brainy’s turn, he objects as Lightning Lad carries him to the portal.

Wow. Great care skills.

However, the machine sparks. A lot.

He’s so mortified.

It turns out that not only did Brainy loose his body, but Superman has lost his powers.

After we see Superman in a suit similar to the one Timber Wolf is wearing, Brainy starts rambling again.

When Timber Wolf tells Superman that it’s not too late to go back, Superman insists on staying. Just before being handed a device to monitor to check B5’s status, and B5’s head.

Back at the gate station, Saturn Girl tells the manager that the body went missing.

RUDE.

As soon as Saturn Girl and Lightning Lad get told which gate to take to where B5’s body has been running rampant, we cut back to Zuun.

This is the major indication that Brainy is trying to tell them important stuff, but is saying it in a way that is hard to interpret.

The group encounters miners, who are not to friendly, and then we learn that Zuun’s atmosphere is toxic, and that inhaling it leads to mutations. The miners attack them, and Brainy’s head is essentially taken hostage.

While Timber Wolf is busy fighting the miners all hardcore style, Superman is stuck in a game of monkey in the middle, with Brainy as the object being tossed back and forth.

Why does Brainy say “My nose ring”? He doesn’t have one.

Rather than being saved by Superman, he’s saved by Timber Wolf, who tells Superman to run, instructing him to head to the elevator.

And we see that Superman just forgot what the ring was originally for, and has to be reminded. Wow.

As soon as he takes off, Timber Wolf gets tackled by some more miners, and tosses Brainy’s had to Superman.

Superman is butterfingers.

He stops running for a moment to look back at Timber Wolf, who is still fighting, and Timber Wolf has to tell him to keep moving.

Ok this led to some of the best comments during the streams.

Then we finally see where Brainy’s body went to. Diaphus 3. Again, winging it with spelling. But I think there’s a better description for the place.

Steven Universe’s Homeworld.

Brainy’s body proceeds to terrorize the poor Guidebot 2.9 and running into the towers, destroying the place, as Saturn Girl and Lightning Lad step through. And Saturn Girl comments that he just HAD to end up in that particular place.

Back on Zuun, Superman manages to reach the elevator, and Timber Wolf manages to shake off the miners that were clinging to him…

And then Brainy does this.

NOT HELPING.

And regarding this particular moment during the stream…

PESKY GET UR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.

But regardless of what just happened, Timber Wolf just jumps down after the elevator, like a bad ass.

I love you my puppy.

However, three miners hop down after him. One guy is kicked off the top of the elevator – he lives (I think), and Timber Wolf makes one of the other guy’s mask crack open – his mask was the one that was notably the most intact of the miners we see.

The third miner however manages to grab him, and holds him up in the air.

OH NO.

We then cut from the tense scene back to Homeworld – I mean, Diaphus 3, where the poor tour guide is screaming for security. While B5′s body is continuing to destroy the place.

Wow. For once Lightning Lad cane make a good point about something. That isn’t his brother’s bad personality.

The moment is cut short buy Lightning Lad trying to short circuit Brainy. At first, it seems to work. But then this happens.

OUCH.

Sass.

Saturn Girl tries talking to Brainy, and at first it seems to work, but then Brainy runs off after the tourbot.

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

Saying it was worth at least a try, she then asks Lightning Lad if he has any other brilliant ideas.

Wait. Lightning Lad had an original GOOD idea? What did that punch DO to him?

Cutting away from a touching scene, Superman is still inside the elevator while the fight is still going on above him.

Thankfully, our beloved Puppy pops into the elevator, all in one piece.

But then we get some bad news, that without Superman’s powers, the Zuunium vault is not an option they can use for Brainy.

Oh Brainy.

And then we learn that there’s only one active mine left wher they can get the Zuunium, which is the core.

Now, before I proceed, you guys remember how much I kept ranting about the bad use of darkness and details together in the episode Fear Factory?

Well, I need to go at it again.

BECAUSE OF THE GOSHDARN CORE’S DARK SCENES.

Now there are other parts of the core’s settings that are much better drawn/painted, so this possibly bothers me much more this time because they could have followed the better design all the way through for this place. But they didn’t.

I won’t pick out particular shots to complain about, but just know that it pained me physically when making these gifs.

Not long after entering, they have to hide from a robot. It leaves without detecting them, but we get a funny line out of Brainy at least.

Superman asks what that was, to which Timber Wolf tells him it was a mining robot, aka mine-bot, which is the only thing that can survive in the core. And notes they are irritable.

And then they stumble in a huge group of them.

Give the mine-bot credits for strength and skills.

As they try to pull Superman apart, Timber Wolf manages to save him while carrying Brainy – again. But when he dodges one of the robots…

Ow. Poor B5.

Superman gets cornered into what I assume is an abandoned station that was meant for people, but finds something that makes him smile.

Timber Wolf is getting overpowered by the robots, and we see more goofy brainy.

WAIT. YOU HAD EXTENTIONS AND YOU DIDN'T USE THEM EARLIER?!

The problems with us watchers being adults.

When Timber Wolf is pinned down, he is saved by Superman, in what is clearly a reference to Aliens.

Nice.

I love how Timber Wolf says that.

As the two search for him, they stumble upon what at first seems like another mine-bot. But it ain’t.

My feelings too.

And another comment from Pesky.

*sigh*

Don’t change… is what I would insist on, but the monitors indicate Brainy is reaching a critical status.

Returning to Homeworld, where Brainy continues his terror, Saturn Girl and Lightning Lad go through with his plan. Which is to lure Brainy to the gate with a hologram of Guidebot 2.9.

Lightning Lad, you are a constant source of bad ideas. Just look at the last episode.

Really, what did that punch do to him.

But B5 still did a lot of damage.... a lot.

Returning to Brainy’s head, the mine-bots are ganging up on them, and tearing the claw-suit Superman is using.

When Superman urgently tells Brainy that if they don’t get him to the zuunium cave, they will lose him, we get one of the best replies ever.

Superman proceeds to pick up Brainy with the claw machine while Timber Wolf keeps the mine-bots busy. Brainy however interprets Superman as a “big scary space lobster” who is trying to eat him, and pleads him to leave his brains. Even though Superman tells him to hold still, Brainy manages to destroy one claw, although is picked up by the second one.

Superman slides down into the mine, although the claw suit gets rekted. As he and Brainy go further down, Brainy starts shutting down and the suit Superman is wearing seems to be damaged by the radiation.

But that really got me in this scene is what Brainy is saying.

Oof. This stabs me in the feels.

But despite that he’s obviously being affected by the radiation, Superman picks up Brainy’s head, which fell from the robot body, and carries him to the Zuunium, even though he falls flat onto his back from several feet above while climbing down.

Superman does pass out, but does wake up when he hears Brainy calling his name.

Wow. Not gonna take that in any shippy-kinda-way…

Timber Wolf has successfully rekted all the mine-bots. What a good puppy.

Upon returning, Saturn Girl runs to Superman and asks if he’s alright, to which he replies that he thinks so. Interestingly enough, he seems to immediately bounce back as he quickly takes off the suit.

And now we have to assume that just one part of him getting exposed is enough for the effects to be reversed.

Pesky, stop.

The scene then returns to HQ, where B5 is one piece again. Literally.

Important questions.

Brainy thanks Superman for what he did, and Superman says there’s a way for him to make it up to him, to which Brainy promptly replies “Anything.”

Superman asks him to help him figure out why he lost his powers, to which Brainy immediately replies because his powers only work under a yellow sun’s light.

Now, recall what he had been rambling about earlier. Red ants. Too much red in the sun. HE WAS TRYING TO TELL SUPERMAN THAT WHILE IN CRAZY BOT MODE.

Putting that clever trick of the writers aside, Superman is shocked that Brainy knew and asks if he thinks he should be telling him stuff like that. To which Brainy says no, since there is stuff Superman needs to learn in his own time.

So final thoughts on the episode overall and characters

Plot wise, I think this is meant to be mostly a comedy episode, but the few moments that are more dramatic are deep.

So, first thing I want to discuss is Brainy and how clever the writers were with hiding accurate information on Superman’s weaknesses/backstory with his outburst. Very good. This went over my head when I first saw it. Heck, I didn't even realize the red ants part until someone brought it up a while back.

And another thing that I feel is worth mentioning is the exact order of the production episodes and what it implies. So, this episode originally came out before Lightning Storm, when the production is in reverse. In Lightning Storm, Brainy shows up briefly, but doesn’t contribute much. But with this episode, we can assume a reason why.

He was busy getting ready for the Alignment. It makes perfect sense! Lightning Lad says he had been in his lab for days, and while that can easily have been blamed on upcoming auditions and roaming kids who want to audition, it makes more sense that Brainy would have been working on the containment unit.

Although I still want to believe some of the sulky behavior was from the chemistry between Lightning Lad and Superman in the last episode.

I can’t believe this show got away with so much.

As for his personality during the Alignment, we see him go off the walls. Which we all enjoyed thoroughly. Unlike in his usual logic mode, he doesn’t hesitate to blurt out important stuff about Superman. But he does so in a way that people won’t understand easily. As for his weirder comments, hard to tell if that was revealing more of his interests, or if he was just blurting out random things.

Regarding his expressions/animations during these parts, I really wished we got more stuff like this in other episodes.

And as for his serious mode, we see more of his insecurities. He doesn’t want to be embarrassed by his behavior, hence why he went to such lengths to hide what was going on.

With his whole secret hiding habits, we can under stand why with Superman’s case. No one wants the world to come to an end in this show due to time continuum getting botched up. But we see it goes beyond just Superman’s life. And if the other’s didn’t intervene, he would have died.

As for the Alignment and Colu itself, both remind me of what I said about Coluan culture in Fear Factory. Lack of individuality. There is a Hive Mind, that all Coluans are naturally linked to. Intellegences is uploaded and shared with other Coluans. That… indicates a good lack of privacy. We don’t know the extent of how much data is shared. But good chances are it’s a lot.

Brainy is a private person. That much we know. No wonder he cut himself off from the Hive Mind.

Second topic to get into is Timber Wolf.

He has grown so much from when we saw him in Phantoms. From the  team’s reclusive lone wolf (get it?), who took everything seriously, to a more social being who is a bad ass leader that makes jokes and saves his teammates, repetitively.

With no complaints.

Like, every time. And tells Superman he can go back when he lost his powers.

He was… almost…

Dad-like…

Well, I guess we’ll put this in the evidence locker that Timber Wolf would make the best dad.

So, rather than spending his whole life on Raal, he spent some time on Zuun as well, possibly more because he states he grew up there.

Zuun is not a good state. It’s like, a type of Post- Apocalypse bad. Toxic air that mutates anything that breathes it? Definitely not a good sign. I’m putting my money down there was some kind of industrial/chemical disaster that ruined everything for anything organic, hence why mine-bots were so numerous. But there are still people who are stuck living there. And there are a lot of buildings standing, in good condition. Plus we don’t find out if the air can actually kill people or not. 

Well, I doubt the show would have been allowed to say it outright due to censorship. But implications would have been nice.

And remember that Timber Wolf seems to lack knowledge on certain (trivial in 31st century) stuff? Seeing the state of Zuun, it’s not hard to imagine a lack of sufficient educational sources.

So Zuun is not the ideal place to live, even if it’s inhabital in some degree.

We don’t learn much about the people who still live there. Which to me is a disappointment. We could have learned more on Timber Wolf’s background before he was transformed.

Ironically, Raal is in a way the opposite. It’s biologically safe to live there. If you just look at that aspect and had to pick between that place and Zuun, you would go there in a heartbeat.

Unless you knew someone was performing illegal experiments on the wild life and his children.

Moving on.

Saturn Girl is once again the Team Mom, and we see more chemistry between her and Lightning Lad in this episode. We also see that she will attempt to talk to people first before taking more aggressive action. And we see more of that wonderful sass of hers. But not much happens with her in terms of development.

Nothing much to report on Lightning Lad… except he had an original GOOD idea. And if there’s anything we can go off from the last episode, original ideas of his own are NEVER good.

And finally down to who I really want to talk to. Superman.

This is the second time he loses his powers, although this time, there is initially no explanation. But he still insists on helping Brainy out. He is that person who will go out of his way to help others.

Even though he’s constantly the damsel in distress. Not that I’m complaining.

We also see how much he has adjusted to his powers, given that it doesn’t even occur to him to use the flight ring when the suit is too heavy to really run in.

Recall that in the first episode, he’s learning how to fly, and is shaky with it. It reminds us that he needed someplace to safely explore his powers, and that Smallville wasn’t that place.

But then there’s the part towards the end when he learns Brainy is hiding secrets from him.

Recall what Drax told him in in Phantoms, that Brainy is hiding more things than Superman is aware of. Superman doesn’t seem to take this to heart then. But now… he will. He should realize Drax was telling the truth with that. 

This is definetly going to effect their relationship.

… But sadly, this aspect is hardly played in the show as much as I would have seen it go. As Rachel did mention in the chat image at the end.

The first time I watched this episode, I legitimately thought we were going to get some serious plot line, revealing Brainy’s lineage to the original Brainiac. And build way more on the Colu culture. But the writers went in a different direction. A very different direction, that was still good, but I still wish they could have delved in deeper.

Well, that’s all from me for now. Assuming I don’t get any surprise shifts from work, I hope to get the next review in two weeks at most.

[jodiwalker]

These Are the Best Things Happening on ‘Game of Thrones’ Right Now, Part II

Hey y'all, something bad is coming on Game of Thrones, so just real quick, let's remember the good times in episodes 3 and 4, when teenage assassins were reuniniting with their teenage ruler sisters and teenage psychic brothers. When Littlefinger was getting ragged on so hard. When Jon and Davos had nothing better to do than chalk up the cave walls of Dragonstone with little bitty zombie drawings to prove a point and flirt with Missandei, respectively.

There were Catspaw Dagger references for the most careful of watchers, Jon saying "I'm not a Stark" as a Targaryen dragon flies overhead for the mildly observant viewer, and there's Jon and Dany touching each other's wrists in caves for everyone else who's just like, I don't understand what's happening here, I've never understood what's happening here, I don't care what's happening here, but I will be here until it's all over and Dany has married her nephew, SO HELP ME R'HLLOR.

So, once again, this is not a recap, not a review, just a simple, definitive, and all-encompassing list of The Best Things Happening on Game of Thrones right now (which is to say last week and the week before):

Almost Everyone Playing the Game of Thrones Is a Baby-Child

It suddenly became clear in episode 3 that while the lead characters in Game of Thrones don't seem particularly young when they are commanding their armies and large, magic animals—when they come face to face in a throne room, they suddenly seem like two particularly formidable and hormonal teenagers facing off at a Model United Nations simulation. Except, y'know, one of them recently died and was resurrected by a thousand year old sexy priestess, and the other has a bunch of giant toddler dragons and, like, ended slavery, I think.

I'm, of course, speaking of Dany and Jon, the two most popular rulers at Westeros High. Now, since Kit Harrington and Emelia Clarke are each 30, you wouldn’t think they would seem that young…but they're also both, like, 5'1 if they're an inch, so when they first came face-to-face in episode 3, they more often resembled a couple of adorable Shiba Unus tussling over a Kong ball and sniffing each other's butts, instead of two rulers arguing over getting to save the world in the specific way they want to.

In that sense, their first meeting was a particularly precious reminder of how young they still are. Yes, all the GoT kids were aged up three or four years from the books at the start of the series, but Dany and Jon are still only 22 or 23 as they fight to save the world from heretofore unknown evils—and by that, I of course mean Queen Cersei making ever woman get her goofy pageboy haircut. 

When Missandei announces Dany like one of Blair Waldorf's be-headbanded lackeys, Game of Thrones briefly turned into a Disney Channel Original movie, bringing along all the clashing dynamics of darkness and precociousness a DCOM denotes. You can practically hear Missy saying, "You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn, President of the Student Council, rightful member of the A/B Honor Roll, rightful owner of a used Ford Prius she got as a reward for said A/B Honor Roll, Haver of an Afterschool Volunteer Internship at a Veterinary Office, Breaker of Bullies, the Sister of a College Sophomore Who Lets Her Wear His Old Fraternity Formal Shirts So People Think She's Cool, Voted Most Likely to Play with Fire and Like It a Little Too Much, and the Survivor of a Particularly Bad Case of Strep Throat Last Year.

You scared yet Jon Snow, you creepy-loner-who-doesn't-know-he's-hot-and-smokes-cigarettes-behind-the-school-but-secretly-makes-all-As-and-has-a-heart-of-gold-Patrick-Verona-lookin'-ass, you?

If Dany hasn't stood up on the Iron Throne and tearfully choked her way through a rendition of the "10 Things I Hate About Jon Snow" by the end of all this, I will be shocked. Because, as we will discuss later, Dany doesn't hate King Jon (King Snow? No, that doesn't sound right, does it Davos)…not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

The Stark Children Are Happy…Well, As Happy As a Live Stark Child Can Be

Of course that's not even mentioning the actual children roaming around Winterfell with severe PTSD and a recently developed case of the huggies. Sansa's running the Stark show at Winterfell while Jon is away at Dragostone giving up all his weapons and doing arts and crafts in the underground caves, and in her time as a prisoner of various evil families, she seems to have picked up quite a knack for organizing grain supplies and commanding that leather be added to armor because the dipshits apparently haven't heard that WINTER HAS COME.

I thought Sansa would be cool for like an episode or two and then go back to being dreadful, but her recent transition from Little Sister to Big Sister inside the walls of Winterfell seems to be suiting her well. When Meera finally brings Brann back home and after dragging his 6'4 ass all over the North, she gets exactly zero sibling hugs because her brother died protecting Brann—justice (and a warm shower) for Meera—but the newly minted Three Eyed Raven gets a sweet embrace from big sister Sansa. 

He returns the love by informing Sansa that now he can see everything that's ever happened in the world, including the worst night of her life when she was forced to marry Ramsay and he raped her.

Hey Brann, I know it's not your fault that Jaime Lannister pushed you out of a window, and your dad got beheaded, and Theon fake-torched you, all setting you on a fan-least-favorite path toward becoming the Three Eyed Raven but—you totally suck! Someone else can tell Jon he's a Targaryen if it means you having to be all weird to your sisters now that you're finally, gloriously, wonderfully reunited. In this extended high school analogy I've been drawing, Brann is the kid who took one philosophy class at the community college for extra credit and thinks he knows everything now. You don't know shit, Brann!

Okay, fine, Brann knows some shit, and is obviously intended for some higher purpose in this game of thrones or he surely wouldn't have been—quite literally—dragged through all seven seasons. I just wish that purpose was being a nice supportive brother to his super-survivor sisters, which brings us to…

ARYA IS BACK AT WINTERFELL AND SHE SPARRED WITH BRIENNE AND MAYBE THEY CAN GO LADY-ARMOR SHOPPING TOGETHER NOW, WHAT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD?!

As it turns out, the already disparate Stark children have become even more contrasted with time and (grueling, awful, traumatic, painful, oftentimes unbelievable) circumstances. Sansa, who was a pretty girl who wanted to marry a prince, is now the Wardeness of Westeros' largest region with a keen political mind and a dude who would fucking love to marry her that she's constantly mocking. Arya was a tomboy who had a real good time at her afterschool swordsmanship lessons, and has since grown into a stone-cold assassin who cuts people's faces off and magic-pastes them onto her own face, then feeds those recipient of the face-cutting to his own family, and then also kills that entire family. Brann has turned from a boy who liked to ride horses into Westeros' creepy Miss Cleo, and also, he no longer goes by Brann, and also, is a pretty constant dick to the women in his life.

That all kind of made me love their reunions even more though. Arya saying, "Do I have to call you Lady Stark?" as her first greeting to Sansa was incredible. Sansa replying, "Yes," very much in the way of Old Sansa, but then turning around and hugging Arya and bonding with her about how much pain they've lived through and how everything they used to know is dead except for each other was even better. And Sansa telling Arya that "Brann has visions," in the same tone of voice you might warn a guest that your little brother has recently gotten really into making his own chainmail was EVEN BETTER.  There was also Jon all the way over at Dragonstone being all "She's startin' to let on" when Tyrion says that Sansa is smarter than she lets on—love those two, sure hope Littlefinger doesn't turn them against each other and shatter my heart into a million pieces!

But simply the best was watching those three rough and tumble Starks wheel and walk their way back from the Weirwood tree and into their home at Winterfell, down a couple family members, not really sure of who they've become, and probably on the brink of being murdered by ice zombies, sure…but they're also together—three lone wolves restored to a pack—and, for now, they're alive.

Of course, it is hard to ignore all that side eye Sansa was giving Arya as she sorted that out that Lil' Sis super-duper was not kidding about having a murder list. But Sansa isn't on said murder list, and hey, she also once fed a dude to his (canine) children, so maybe this girl gets it. Maybe everything will be fine and once Jon and Dany save the world, they can all go in on a family beach house together and parasail on dragons. Speaking of…

THAS-A-MUTHAFUGGIN-LOOT-TRAAAAAAAIN

I've always thought of Weiss and Benioff as kind of cool young dudes who were surprisingly hot and surprisingly married to Amanda Peet (which I would want to brag about in Emmy speeches too, no shade). But for some reason, recently, they've started to seem more and more to me like kind of clueless dads who, were we ever to see their legs in the after-show interviews, would be wearing pristine New Balances with loosely fitted light-wash jeans.

I don't know if it's because I recently fell into a deep dark YouTube black hole where I watched clips of a panel where Sophie Tuner and Maisie Williams interviewed B&W and just keep making fun of them for being old (of note, Sophie Turner is really funny). Or if it's because they're quite literally getting older and making this show where they have to spend three million dollars to light 20 real people on fire in order to make it look like 1,000 fake people are being lit on fire has probably aged them an extra decade.

But mostly I think it's because now that they're out from under the shadow of GRRM they can stop pretending they're dead inside and let their TV pathos flags fly, and that alone makes them seem a lot less hard than they used to. Them talking about how Dany and Jon it's so obvious Jon and Dany have developed feelings for each in the cave scene was just adorable. Guys! They've had like, two conversations, and neither one has made a single inappropriate "bend the knee" joke which they obviously would if they were two real life 19-year olds falling in luv in a cave.

All this is to say that, I am so thankful to them for bringing GoT to my television, but truly, only two dumb dads could have taken this insane, explosive, dragon-fueled battle and called it…"The Loot Train Attack." Or as I prefer to call it: the mutha fuckin' LOOOOOT TRAAAAAAIN!!!

There is nothing that I can personally write that would make the battle where Dany brought dragons to a sword fight at the counsel of Jon any better than it already was, so I'll be brief: It is in episode 4 of season 7, at the end of the Loot Train—LOOT TRAAAAAAAIN!—battle, as Jaime charges Daenerys with a giant spear, that it became clear just how impossibly complex this web of character has become. It used to be impossible to root for anyone because they were all either evil or definitely going to die in the next episode exactly because they weren't evil. No more.

I had no idea who I would choose to live and die between Jaime and Dany. And that is perhaps unique to me because in this game of thrones, everyone can choose their own winner and we can all be simultaneously right and wrong. Just as the people of Westeros are born into certain houses, we all have our allegiances. But the time is coming for us to also make important choices, because things can only be happy reunions and convenient river dives and spare Sand Snake killings and flirty-cave-fun-times for so long. Sides will be chosen, alliances will be made, and main characters will start getting their heads chopped off again. Weiss and Bennioff might be out dads, but if TV has taught me anything—and it has taught me literally everything—it's that tough love is the most rewarding form of parenting.

And also that women always keep their bra on during sex—except for right here on H-B-O!

[ciathyzareposts]

My 10 Most Controversial Opinions

            Counting down to my ten-year anniversary in February 2020, I offer this quick retrospective on my 10 most controversial opinions. I base this on the number of comments I’ve received arguing back at me when I’ve made certain statements, as well as what people have said about me on other web sites.

I was originally going to title this article “10 Reasons to Despise Me,” but I feel like we have enough invective slung back and forth about fairly trivial issues. Indeed, if you find yourself “despising” me for any of these opinions, I would suggest that you’re taking the entire subject too seriously.

          10. I think there’s a “right” way and a “wrong” way to play even single-player games.

         In my entry on “Cheats & Liars,” I used an analogy with crossword puzzles. The “point” of a crossword puzzle is not to fill in the blocks with letters; it’s to use your knowledge, intuition, and puzzle-solving skills to interpret the clues and derive the only possible answer. Thus, you are doing crossword puzzles wrong if you use a crossword puzzle dictionary or some other source to help you finish the puzzle. An unfinished puzzle is preferable to a puzzle that you finish by cheating, because at that point you’ve sacrificed the ability to ever finish it properly.            

No one disputes that people should follow the rules when it comes to competitive sports. I can’t ride a bicycle along the route of the Boston Marathon and expect the same recognition–or any recognition at all–when I have the fastest time. Nor is there any other aspect of life where we say that it’s okay to break the rules if no one else is watching. A practitioner of a religion, an alcoholic in recovery, or someone on a diet does not get to argue “but I was alone!” when he (respectively) neglected his morning prayers, drank himself under the table, or ate an entire cheesecake. 

         Playing single-player RPGs may be a solitary activity, but that doesn’t mean there are no rules. Sure, breaking them doesn’t harm anyone but you, but then neither does breaking your diet. That doesn’t mean it isn’t at least a little shameful when you do it.

         9. I wouldn’t mind if modern RPGs still made us take notes and make maps.

             The other night, I was playing GreedFall with Irene. Some NPC was giving instructions to a character about a potion, and she said something like “note the ingredients carefully.” Irene immediately reached for a piece of paper and a pen, and I laughed. I don’t care what the NPC said, I knew there was no way the game was going to make a player depend on an external note to properly finish the quest. I was right, of course.

But I wouldn’t have minded if the game had required us to write down the ingredients. I would have welcomed it. I miss the days of gaming with a notepad and graph paper by my side. Quest markers have ruined modern RPGs. Even “hardcore” modes generally don’t turn them off.           

Playing Might and Magic involved a lot of real work.

            8. I don’t like music playing during my games.

That’s not the same thing as saying “I don’t like game music.” I very often admire the compositions; I just don’t want them playing during the actual game. I think this is largely because I’m very music-oriented generally, and I see listening to music as an active experience. I only want it playing when my primary task is listening to music. To me, “background” music is like having someone constantly talking at you while you’re trying to focus on something else.

So I play my games with the music off. Sorry. I know–I miss so much.           7. I don’t like games about rape.

You wouldn’t think that one would be so controversial, but on at least one site it makes me a laughingstock.             6. I don’t like Japanese graphics.

I don’t know if it’s because I was born too early or because I never owned a Nintendo, but for whatever reason I missed out on the era where Japanese animation and tropes became normalized among American youth. I look at the result and I’m baffled. (There was a time when I would have said “disgusted,” so perhaps I’ve made a little progress.) Part of the issue is the artwork itself, perhaps more of it has to do with what the artist chooses to depict–and what players are apparently okay with. If I’m going to play a racing game, I want to race racecars, not goofy little go-karts piloted by mustachioed plumbers. If I’m going to pit monsters against each other in gladiatorial matches, I want them to look like monsters, not characters from the Island of Misfit Toys. And if I’m going to play an action-adventure, I want to play a classic hero, not an effete little elf with bare legs and a pointy hat.

I have a lot of readers that want me to play Chrono Trigger. I’ve watched videos of it. It looks like a bunch of children running around. If I was a fan of the game, I would not be clamoring for my review.

5. I think computer RPGs are superior to console RPGs.

The primary issue is the nature of the input. A controller naturally limits the possibilities of a game. You cannot offer the complexity of NetHack‘s or even Ultima‘s interface with a controller (at least, not without annoying nested menus), nor can you move, look, and click with the same precision as a keyboard and a mouse. Entire styles of gameplay, such as Ultima IV‘s keyword-based dialogue, or text-based inputs for adventure games, or even most point-and-click adventure games, become impossible on the console. Nowadays, because successful games must be offered on both computer and console platforms, these limitations functionally inhibit even computer RPGs.

Then again, I do occasionally like playing a game on the couch, with my wife, next to the fireplace. If a keyboard is better than a console controller, a console controller is better than any attempt I’ve ever seen to make a keyboard, mouse, and PC setup work from a comfortable position with a television. So there are situations in which the console is better than the computer. I just prefer action games in those situations.

              Even I admit: time for a console RPG.

           4. I don’t care about voiced dialogue–in fact, I wish it would go away.

I’m convinced that voiced dialogue, more than any other factor, is keeping modern games from greatness. The necessity of getting an actor into a studio to voice every possible line of dialogue is what prevents developers from creating more quest dependencies, creating alternate endings, fixing bugs, and including a lot more NPCs in games that feel very sparse without them. It also keeps the character’s chosen name from ever appearing meaningfully in the game.

The Infinity Engine games had the perfect balance. Key dialogues were recorded with voice actors, but most of the time the text was unvoiced. It shouldn’t have progressed beyond that.

3. I don’t mind about re-use of engines.

I mostly want new content, not an entirely new gameplay experience. I grant you that a few series have taken it too far–the Gold Box comes to mind–but in general I think developers should be getting a lot more use out of interfaces and mechanics already developed. It never bothered me for a second that Might and Magic VIII had basically the same interface as Might and Magic VI. I doubt any fan agrees that the “upgrade” in Might and Magic IX did the series any favors. I think it’s basically insane that developers only issue two or three expansions for titles like Fallout 4 or Dragon Age. I would pay as much as the original game for a new story set in the exact same world using the exact same locations. Surely, I can’t be the only one.

2. I don’t hate Bethesda–or, at least, I don’t hate them for the same reason you do.

I love nonlinear, open world games, and there’s no one that’s shown they can do them as well as Bethesda. I don’t mind if some of their other features are a little rough around the edges. Many, many years ago, in the midst of the most addictive period I spent with the game, I opined that Skyrim was “perhaps the best CRPG I have ever played.” That got quite a reaction from my own commenters and commenters on other sites.               

I later had reason to regret the statement; I was basically high when I wrote it. It was the equivalent of telling some guy you practically just met, “you’re my best friend, and I love you, man” when it’s 3:00 AM in a bar and you’ve both been drinking gimlets all night. But having qualified the original statement somewhat, I have to admit that it’s still one of the best CRPGs I’ve ever played. If that upsets you, I’m sorry. It gives me what I’m looking for.

That said, I do hate Bethesda a little. Not because of what they produce, but because of what they don’t. Skyrim sold over 3 million copies in its first two days. It won “game of the year” from practically every magazine and site that offers that award. It ultimately made over a billion dollars. What the hell kind of management decision delays the next game in the series for over ten years?! I’ve rarely seen a company that financially irresponsible with its intellectual property. George Lucas before he sold Star Wars to Disney comes to mind, but even he allowed a generous Expanded Universe.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have my chibi hangup and I could be a fan of Pokémon or Zelda instead. Lovers of those franchises must lose track of all the main series games, expansions, off-shoots, and remakes. You know who knows how to run a brand? Marvel Studios. In a decade, they issued 23 films and 11 television shows, plus associated web series, comic books, and novels, and still none of its fans are complaining of “oversaturation.” Bethesda needs to sell to Disney, hire Brandon Sanderson, or otherwise do what it takes to get their heads out of their asses and start producing.

1. I not only think Fallout 4 is better than Fallout: New Vegas, I think it’s much better.

I say this believing that New Vegas is already an excellent game. But I listen to its fans describe how much better it is than Fallout 4 and I don’t know what they’re talking about. How can they argue that it has more factions, when 4 has essentially the same number? How can the argue about role-playing choices when all your choices in New Vegas collapse into the same battle at the same location? Do they honestly think that Boone and Cass and Gannon are more memorable than Nick and Cait and Deacon?

         One of the 10 best NPCs ever.

          Every time I get into an argument about this issue with someone, I offer basically the same list of why I think 4 is a better game:

             No ridiculously low level cap–no level cap at all, in fact

The ability to keep playing after the end of the main quest, with bonus content depending on what factions you went with 

A much larger, more open world with more locations to find; the game really rewards unfettered exploration

Boston is a huge, dense city rather than Vegas’s three buildings

The Settlement/building/settlement defense system

A perks system that actually encourages different character builds

Better item crafting

Much cooler power armor (with jetpacks!)

No invisible walls

An excellent “survival” mode; I can’t imagine playing without it

Flying around in vertibirds

Along with the jetpacks and vertibirds, just a more “vertical” game in general; there’s a lot to find on building tops and elevated highways

Behemoths and mirelurk queens

A gun that shoots actual cannonballs

The ability to call artillery salvos on enemy fortifications

Can blow off enemies’ individual body parts, allowing for more interesting combat tactics overall

               Against this, I accept the arguments that the dialogue system isn’t very good and that whoever nerfed the deathclaws ought to be fired. Beyond that, Fallout 4‘s superiority is so obvious to me that I feel like I must be living in another universe when I get into a discussion with most fans of the series.

So there we are: my 10 most controversial opinions. Everyone will probably be enraged at something. Even if you don’t agree with me, I hope you admire my honesty and the risk I’m taking with my Patreon account. 

Coming up: Ten years of upsetting people with more controversial opinions, starting with fans of the Arkania series.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/my-10-most-controversial-opinions/

[popculturebuffet]

Bloomtrospective Part 1: The Academia Waltz or Birth of an American Stinker

Once upon a time in Austin, Texas, University of Texas student Berkely Breathed, a smartass with a mustache to this very day and a loveable goofus of the highest order, was recently out of a job, thrown out on his ass by the Austin-American Statesman for one of his cartoons pissing people off. It would not be the last time one of his cartoons pissed people off, nor the end of his cartooning career, though it would probably be the last job he was outright fired from.. maybe he might of delivered pizza's, stripped or fought grown men and/or walruses for money.. I don't know what he did in his spare time.

And not long after, he found a new , regular cartooning gig in the daily texan, UT's newspaper and since college papers give far less fucks about people yelling at them than national newspapers, which gave way TOO much of a fuck about people yelling at them over comic strips, Berkely had his first regular gig. and it was this gig that lead to thousands of comic strips, 3 more series later on, plushies, an animated special, a failed pitch at dreamworks, t-shirts, bill watterson getting pissy with him, pearl clutching from concerned elderly people, letters from harper lee and lenoard nemoy, and a small album made by fans. And it all started with a small time semi-doonesbury knockoff starting an obnoxious fratboy.

Welcome one and all, to Bloomtrospective, my retrospective covering all 14 years of bloom county, and every year of it's prequel and sequels. For those not aware bloom county is a comic strip that was started by Brethed in december 1980 and went on to run till mid 89, becoming one of the most influnetal and funniest comic strips of all time, often getting into political and celebrity satire and weird shenanigans. I"m, as you can probably tell by this insane undertaking, a massive fan and more than happy to dive into all 28, yes 28, years worth of content it's creator , Mr. Brethed, put out. And before you ask, yes virginia, that is his real name. But before I can get into bloom county proper, as you can probably guess i'm tackling his college strip, the Academia Waltz.

The reason is simple: I want to track his full evolution as an artist and professinal smartass, and a lot of what would become bloom county is in the primordial ooze of this strip. That's not metaphorical either: around 41 gags, give or take one or two that are similar but not identical, were recycled for Bloom County , with a paticular gag getting recycled three times, a gag i'll get to next time as it's the very first Bloom County strip and frankly deserves a paragraph all it's own. That being said, the strips were hilarious and worth a recycle and frankly not a lot of people probably saw this strip first run, so recyling his best stuff for a wider audience is just good practice. It was done before him with Doonesbury's Gary Tredeau before him and Pearls Before Swine's Stephan Pastis after him recyling their college and web strips for syndication.

And this is far from the only way Waltz follows in Doonesbury's footsteps. For those unaware of the strip, Doonesbury is a political strip started in 1969 that's STILL GOING, albeit sunday's only since the early 2010's, and was one of the most popular and well loved strips in the world at the time Waltz came out. Brethed has out and out admitted that he curbed from the strip for Waltz and early BLoom County and implied, likely sarcastically but given Tredeau is a smartass himselff I can't be entirely sure, that Tredeau sent him obsecntiy filled letters in response. And for the record the two are now on good terms and likely were by mid-bloom county, and it's just as likely the letters were in good fun.  Both series do have a main charcter, though in doonesbury's case one of many, with sunglasses and a surly conservative attitude, and several of waltz side cast resemble doonesbury characters. And Brethed wasn't blind to this, eventually poking fun at himself late into Waltz' run.

But now with that Elephant firmly out of the room, we can move onto the strip itself which starts... with a bunch of formless one off strips about random people before solidly getting into a main cast, as i'll be going character by character here. Though for starters i'll be focusing on two: Steve and Kitzi

Our main schmuck is Steve Dallas, one of the main reasons i'm covering the strip as, along with Opus, the penguin whose the main character of Berke's works as a whole and who we'll get to in an enstalment or two, is one of the few characters Brethed uses in every single strip after this and the only one to have a lead roll in all four.

Steve is an obnoxious, racist, sexist, immature, attempted cheating, asshole of a fratboy. He was based on a friend of Berke's who hasn't come out of the woodwork to beat him senseless yet. The character was intended to be a saterzation of fratboys and toxic masculinity, but sadly as happens often several fratboys saw him as a figure to be looked up to and missed the joke to Brethed's annoyance. And he works well as that and decently as a unsymapthetic protagnist, but I do also see easily why he ended up not being the main character of BLoom County itself and more one of an ensemble with Opus and Milo taking center stage: he's an asshole. It's funner watching his misadventures with someone besides his girlfriend who should've left him LONG ago and who he threatens to molest at one point...

A gag that clearly hasn't agred great, though I concede that put in context of the time it's okay and compared to some shenanigans in 70's and 80's frat comedy, it's tame by comparison. But while not terrible here Steve works at his best with a strong personality to play off of, like most of the bloom county cast, especially as a double act with Opus at times later on. Here while there is a good bit or two with his girlfriend and soriority girl Kitz, like the condom gag used up top. 

There just.. isn't that much to her till the last leg of the strip. For most of it she's just a flat character who wnats more from the relationship and refuses to sleep with Steve for most of the strip because he's Steve. She DOES sleep with her professor, in an arc that is absolutley dreadful by today's standards, as she is very clearly drunk when both she calls him and comes over, and not only doe she sleep with him. But well....

Yup, this has happened before.. and look i'm not saying dark jokes can't be played for laughs, again the above molest gag really isn't that terrible in the context of the time, mostly because steve gets caught and presumibly roughed up immeditly. Here? A teacher takes advantage of his student, has done so with them before, and will again and it's portrayed as cheating rather than Kitzi you know, being raped. It's not great is what i'm saying, though I don't hold present day Brethead acountable for it and I doubt he's all that proud of it. He didn't exactly use this arc to represent the strip any time waltz was reprinted before he let it be fully reperinted and wasn't proud of the strip as a whole, it's just a strip that dosen't hold up well int he Me Too era and the character himself can go have sex with a rake.

Moving on from that nightmare, Kitzi DOES get an arc towards the end where she does change a bit, deciding, out of nowhere really, to change her look up and her major.

This verison does in fact sleep with steve, Ugh, but is also a slightly better foil for him and would later be the basis for a character we'll get to next time, Bobbi Harlow, who'd be a more fully realized verison, but still hasn't changed that much: she's a feminist sure but her role with steve is still the smart woman to the dumb traditional male, a dynamic that's been done to death by now, and even taking it in the context of the time just isn't that funny. She's mostly a cardboard cutout of a woman used to serve as Steve's foil and Bobbi after her would be a bit more fleshed out character wise. But we'll get to her next time.

Now onto another charcter, one who'd be fully imigrated, if breifly to Bloom County.

This is rabies, a dog. He'd be abandoned partway into the next strip because as Berke himself put it, there was no shortage of cartoon dogs, and his personality would largely become that of Milo and the forest animals. However for this strip.. he's great, consiently funny, well drawn and the most entertaining part. Some of the best bits with steve are playing off this old boy and here are some of his highlights.

Not much else to say really, he' a funny, dry sacracstic character and to me feels kinda like the blueprint for the vast majority of berke's characters to come.

Next up is Saigon John, though he’d be called Cutter John in Bloom County. He's one of the only two characters to be important to any of the following strips along with Steve. In Both strips he's a ladies man and vietnam vet, though here he's more of an out and out hippie. He's still remarkably fleshed out for this strip and even gets a full origin story at one point, that while starting goofy with Cutter having turned his rifle into a bong the final two strips are pogniant, and while having a good joke in there... still treat his being paralized in a warzone with the weight it deserves.

A standout in this run and a sign that berke does have a knack for emotinal beats as well as damn good comedy. He was also steve's roomie for a while... nothing really to go into there, just something I felt needed mentioning.

Finally, out of the major characters, we have Val, kitzi's roomate who ironically is never seen with her as frankly Kitzi is basically built to orbit around steve. I do like Val a lot though, an average looking young woman looking for love.. but as seen above usually just ends up trying to surivive an evening with some jerkhole. She's a sympatheic enough character and while she does show up for the finale, she dosen't really get an ending. Get used to that as Berke has a habit of dropping characters abrubtly. Speaking of which it's now time for a character lightning round. Outside of our main 5 here the strip had a  TON of characters that didn't really do much and whose names I struggle to remember. There's Halfoat a crossdressing football player whose a mixed bag.

Their hard to read as it's hard to tell if their transsgender or just wear women's clothing and this being a 20 something berkely brethead a time when those sorta things were given about as much thought as the producers of Cats gave the idea of making the characters not look like a crime against .. well everything really. But at least the people with an issue against them are treated as morons and Halfoat is portrayed as confident and accepted by most of the team except for the douche above. 

Fairing a little better is Threser, another football character before they dropped that gag entirely as it was basically Doonesbury's football strips but with no idea what to actually do with them besides ocasinally throw in an LBGTQ person in there and have the rest of the team be idiots about it. But Thresher is self assurred and enjoyable.

Next we have dancer, a combination of Zonker and Mark Slackmeyer from doonesbury who.. really dosen't have mcuh in the way of personality. He has an accent and that is. The british australian mismash of an accent would come up again in bloom county with LImekiller, a doonesbury ripoff for another day, but otherwise he's basically nothing.

Finally we have the WEIRDEST edition to this cast, Trooper, who appeared for 4 or 3 strips. A very transparent Zonker Harris from Doonesbury knockoff, with the odd as hell twist of "he's an alien". While BLom County would later have aliens and other weirdness from time to time, it worked because it was a hightned version of the real world, something that would be used ocasionally in waltz, but not enough yet at this point to make this any less what the hell. Just a weird footnote. But as you can tell most of these characters are also rans. THere was also a facultiy member warring against medicority, Louis berke's first POC character seen above, some guy who showed up for a while but had no reanl name or personality, Val's mother, Steve's sister and a few one shots but the strip ran through characters pretty quickly. However that does give me the lisecne to bring in the dropped character count!

Dropped Character Count: 9

9 already and with val and Kitzi both being dropped, though kitzi would be resued in a WEIRD way later on in bloom county. that already brings us up to Dropped Character Count: 11

And we've only just begun folks.But to wrap this up, the strip DID have a proper finale: with Berke’s graduation imminent, he quickly wrapped up the story with Steve casually proposing and despite the understandable issues her mother had witht he wedding, steve and kitzi were wed and the strip came to a close. Not a bad ending all things considered and as the next few strips would show, Berke had a way with endings.. for the most part.

Overall though Waltz, despite an awkward start is a decent strip.. dated sure, it was made several decades ago, but not all that bad and enjoyable enough if your a fan of Bloom County, though it's also easy enough to read once out of curosity and then never again, but i'm glad I went through it again for the Cutter John flashback and Rabies alone, and i'm equally as glad it is out there for the curious party to see where BLoom County began.

Naturally you can tell the story dosen't end here... next time Berke goes national and gets syndicated by the Washington Post as he tries to find his footing as a comic stripper and we take our first trip down to Bloom County and meet a wide variety of colorful characters.. that by year two will mostly be gone. Until next time, courage.