#having the opportunity to get one. she still doesn't.

[throatgoat4u]

breakfast

word count: 10k

summary: matt moves to la and ghosts you, breaking your heart, but when the opportunity arises, you decide to get your revenge

warnings: emotional abuse, psychological manipulation, gaslighting, toxic relationships, exploitation of vulnerability, heavy emotional distress

a/n: guys this might be a long read...... also this is for @bernardsbendystraws song writing challenge thingy. i'm actually shocked i was able to even write this cause like i'm lazy and procrastinate a lot and the fact that the challenge had a deadline too?!?! i'm amazed. i worked pretty hard on this one and i think this just might be one of my favorite things i've written. ps and by the way, i will be calling the reader cherry in this so that's what people will call her and what she introduces herself as! also one last detail, this doesn't happen in the span of like a few weeks or like 1-2 months, this story takes place in the span of like almost a year. so yeah... enjoy!

toodles sluts :)

matthew bernard sturniolo.

god, you couldn’t stand the man. but looking at him now, his life a complete mess, there was nothing sweeter. and the best part? it was all because of you.

four years ago, the two of you were in high school. you and matt had this sort of relationship where you did practically everything like a couple—going on dates, giving gifts, whispering sweet nothings to each other, cuddling, kissing, the pda, fucking—but you were never actually official. matt didn’t do labels until he was sure. and you, like the naive girl you were, went right along with it, telling him you’d wait until he was ready.

he had promised you the world, swore up and down that you were the only one who truly understood him. it’s you and me against the world, baby. one day, i’m gonna marry you, you know that? but they were all lies. lies, lies, lies. the only thing that high school failure was good at was lying—and making it sound so convincing. and you? you had been dumb enough to believe every word.

when you two graduated, he left for la to pursue youtube with his brothers, and naturally, he fed you more lies. baby, i’ll come visit you every few months. we’ll call and text every single day, i swear. i’d never leave you, you know that, right? i love you.

it still astonished you how easily those words had slipped from his lips, how effortlessly he could say them without meaning a damn thing. but the saddest part? you ate it all up like a starving man who hadn’t eaten in years. you believed every single word because—why wouldn’t you? he was the love of your life.

for a while after the move, you and matt stayed in touch, talking almost every second. ten-hour calls, facetime marathons, endless text messages—the works. but slowly, you noticed the shift. he started withdrawing, calling less, ending conversations quicker, taking longer to reply—or not replying at all. when he did, it was just to blow you off. i’m busy. shit, sorry, next time. and you bought it. of course you did. he had just moved to la, and being an influencer wasn’t easy. you gave him the benefit of the doubt.  that was—until he just stopped. he never replied. all calls and texts went unanswered. he had ghosted you.

you were left utterly broken. he had promised you so, so much. you two were supposed to spend the rest of your lives together. you were supposed to be endgame.

but the wallowing didn’t last long.

one day, you opened instagram to find a post—matt shamelessly making out with some girl at a party. a flood of emotions hit you all at once. sadness, confusion, hurt, betrayal. but most of all—anger.

how could you have been so blind? you gave him everything. your time, your trust, your heart. and he threw it all away like it was nothing.

you weren’t going to let it slide.

so you started planning.

now, four years later, you executed it perfectly. it wasn’t easy—oh no, it was tedious. every step had to work seamlessly for the next to fall into place. one wrong move and the entire plan would collapse.

and what plan exactly?

well, in theory, it was a very simple nine-phase plan. you didn’t even mean for the tenth phase to happen, but it did.

phase one: move to la

this was easy. you had finished college with a degree in fashion marketing, and job offers from la weren’t exactly uncommon. all you had to do was pick the highest-paying, most reputable one, and you were on your way.

you settled into the city faster than you expected. the air was thick with ambition, the streets buzzing with influencers and socialites desperate to be seen. it was a world fueled by image, where clout mattered more than character. and if you played your cards right, it was a world where you could thrive.

phase one: complete

phase two: befriend an influencer (preferably one with connections to matt, preferably tara yummy)

why tara yummy? simple. she threw some of the biggest parties in la, meaning tons of other influencers—some of whom could have connections to matt—would be there.

befriending tara? well, that was a process. you had to admit, you stooped to some pretty unethical and borderline pathetic measures to make it happen. and all for what? revenge on a boy. pathetic.

still, you stalked her obsessively, tracking where she would be and when. you knew her schedule for every day of the week—surprising, right? like, tara yummy having an actual schedule? technically, no. but she did go to the same coffee shop every day at exactly 12:43 p.m.

why 12:43? who the fuck cares? as long as you could follow her to her next location, you were fine with whatever time she picked for her little coffee rendezvous.

saturday, february 15, 12:42 p.m.

you were parked outside the coffee shop, drumming your fingers against the steering wheel, the hum of the engine filling the silence. your eyes flickered to the time on your phone.

what if she decided to go somewhere else today? what if something came up? had you picked the wrong day?

then, at exactly 12:44, you spotted her—rushing inside, her oversized sunglasses perched on her nose, phone in one hand, car keys in the other.

you let out a breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding, watching as she ordered her iced oat milk shaken espresso with one pump white mocha, one pump caramel, light cinnamon powder, and vanilla sweet cream cold foam. (don’t ask.)

when she finally got her coffee and walked out, you turned on your car, keeping an eye on her as she made her way back to hers. now, all that was left was to follow her—hopefully to somewhere public where "accidentally" running into her wouldn’t be suspicious.

you waited a few moments before pulling out behind her, keeping a safe distance—close enough to track her, but not close enough to look like you were tailing her.

she drove for about ten minutes before pulling into target’s parking lot.

your eyes lit up almost instantly. perfect.

you parked a few spots away on the opposite side, ensuring a clear view of her. watching carefully, you waited until she stepped out of her car and started toward the entrance before making your move.

inside, you immediately noticed—no basket.

an idea formed in your head.

you trailed behind her, watching as she browsed the aisles, picking up items—a blanket, a book, some makeup, shampoo, conditioner—until her hands were completely full. she stumbled a bit, dropping things occasionally.

this was it. your chance.

you turned down an aisle, walking toward her while she unknowingly walked in your direction. just as you neared her, you looked down at your phone—pretending not to see her—before crashing right into her.

her things tumbled to the floor, and you let your phone slip from your hands for added effect.

"oh my god! i-i’m so sorry, are you okay?" you asked, putting on the best fake concerned voice you could.

she looked up at you and smiled. "yeah, no, i’m okay. how about you?"

"i-i’m fine, don’t worry about me. i’m so, so sorry again. i should’ve been paying attention."

"hey, no, don’t be sorry. it wasn’t really your fault. hell, it wasn’t really either of our faults," she said, laughing as she bent down to pick up her stuff. but you beat her to it.

"no, here, let me get that for you," you said, gathering her things. as you handed them back, you put on a puzzled expression. "wait, you don’t have a basket?"

she shook her head, and you tsked softly before placing each item into yours.

"what are you—" she began, but you cut her off.

"no, it’s okay. i didn’t really have anything in my basket anyway. it’d probably be more useful to you," you said, handing it to her.

she smiled, taking it from you. "stop, thank you so much, you’re so sweet."

"no, stop. it’s really nothing, i don’t mind," you replied, playing it off casually. then, after a brief pause, you added, "oh, and by the way, you’re like… really, really pretty."

"o.m.g. shut up. like, actually. you’re too sweet," she giggled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"no, i’m dead serious. you’re gorgeous."

"well, you too. like, oh god, you look like one of those really hot girls i see who just seem so unapproachable and intimidating," she mused, eyeing you up and down.

"why, thank you," you replied with the kindest smile you could muster. "sorry if this interaction is kinda awkward… i’m new to la and sort of looking to make friends." you lowered your voice a little, trying to sound just the right amount of shy.

her eyes widened, and her mouth parted slightly. "well, consider me your first friend. i’m tara."

"…cherry," you responded.

"nice to meet you, cherry. c’mon. you’ll be walking with me now," she smiled, grabbing your hand and dragging you along.

phase two: complete.

phase three: get invited to a tara event

over the next few weeks, you spent most of your time with tara, considering she was your only friend.

you went shopping together, got your nails done, hit the gym, had spa days, and she even showed you all the best clubs and bars in la. the two of you really hit it off, and it kinda made you feel bad that you were using her. kinda.

wednesday, march 5, 2:54 pm

you and tara were sitting on her bed, planning out her next big party. but this party wasn’t just any party—it was for you. she wanted to throw an event so you could branch out and meet new people because, being a loner in la? yeah, no, you weren’t going to let that happen. especially not with your plan in motion. if you stayed invisible, everything would be ruined. matt would win, and you'd lose once again.

"so, um… tara… how big is this party going to be, exactly?" you asked, carefully faking a nervous tone as you sat cross-legged on her bed, your fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. you needed to convince her you were an introvert. playing that part would help you blend into the background and make it easier to focus on your real goal.

tara barely looked up from her phone, scrolling through pinterest, tapping on various pins as she pulled ideas for the event. “well, i’m inviting the usual crowd, so it won’t be too big,” she replied casually. “just enough to get the party vibes right.”

"right..." you sighed, casting a quick glance at the laptop screen, pretending to chew your lip nervously. your act was flawless, but the truth was, you weren’t anxious about being around people—you were just anxious about matt. you knew him all too well, and if he didn’t show up, everything would fall apart. matt was a big homebody, after all. if he didn’t come, you’d have a much harder time achieving your goal.

you needed to know exactly who matt would hang around at the party, and that meant focusing on his closest friends. it was a given that he'd stick close to his girlfriend, macy, but you had to make sure you pinpointed the others—the ones who would be your best shot at making things happen.

the two of you spent the rest of the day bouncing ideas around for the party. tara wanted to host it at her place, and you both decided on a theme—black, white, and a rich, dark red. it was bold, dramatic—something that would definitely make a statement.

tara had already invited a ton of people. for her, it was just another night to throw a party, another chance to be around her usual influencer crowd. but for you, this was more than just a party. this was the perfect opportunity to get closer to matt's friends and, eventually, get closer to matt himself—so you could finally tear him down.

“so, who all did you invite?” you asked, trying to sound casual, but your mind was already mentally listing off everyone who might be there.

tara smirked, eyes flicking up from her phone as she responded, “oh, you know, the usual bunch. larray, quen, carrington, jake, johnnie… some of the other la influencers. then, of course, there’s the triplets—matt, chris, and nick.”

you nodded along, your expression neutral, though internally, you were bracing yourself. you already knew the triplets, of course. but this party wasn’t about them. it was about the other people who would be there.

“that’s a lot of people,” you said, trying to keep your voice light, but your mind was already working overtime. “what’s the vibe like with everyone? how do they all mix?”

tara shrugged nonchalantly as she tapped away at her phone, her attention already shifting back to the planning. “honestly, they’re all chill. some can be a little extra—like, really extra—but nothing you can’t handle. you’ll fit right in. just make sure you make an entrance, you know?”

you gave her a knowing smile, nodding along, though your mind was elsewhere. you weren’t here to fit in. you were here to observe, to learn who matt’s closest friends were, to subtly insert yourself into their world. and then, you’d take him down. piece by piece, without him even realizing it.

this party was just the beginning.

phase three: complete

phase four: figure out just who’s in matt’s inner circle

you looked in the mirror as you fixed your hair, making sure everything was just right. the tight black dress hugged your hips in all the right places, the slit riding high enough to leave barely anything to the imagination. your hair was perfectly blown out, sleek and cascading down your back like silk. but still, something was missing.

your eyes landed on the red lipstick sitting on the vanity. you grabbed it, uncapping it with a flick of your wrist before carefully applying it to your lips. the deep, sultry shade coated them perfectly, adding just the right amount of boldness to complete the look.

perfect.

you pressed your lips together, ensuring the color was flawless. now, you were ready.

tara walked into the room, and her jaw practically hit the floor. her eyes widened as she took you in, her gaze trailing from your perfectly blown-out hair to the curve-hugging black dress and the deep red lipstick that added just the right amount of danger.

“oh my god.” her voice was barely above a whisper before it quickly turned into an excited squeal. “cherry, you look stunning! you might’ve just been my lesbian awakening because what the fuck?!?” she said, walking toward you with wide eyes.

you giggled, rolling your eyes as you turned slightly to check yourself in the mirror one last time. “oh, shut up,” you mumbled, but the slight flush on your cheeks betrayed you.

“no, no, i’m being dead serious.” she placed her hands on her hips, giving you an exaggerated once-over. “like, i cannot believe you’ve been hiding this version of you. you look gorgeous.”

“thanks, t,” you murmured softly, your lips tugging into a small, satisfied smile. but before you could revel in the compliment for too long, tara’s expression shifted.

“but,” she said, her tone a little more serious now, “i actually came up here to tell you a lot of people are here now. i know you’re not the party type, but… it’s your party. you need to come down.”

you almost laughed out loud at that. not the party type? oh, if only she knew. at least you’d done a good enough job convincing her that you were shy and reserved. it was all part of the plan.

“yeah, yeah, i know,” you mumbled, tugging your dress down ever so slightly, playing up the nervous act just a bit longer. “can… can you come with me? and maybe… stay with me? i don’t really want to be alone with so many people around.” your voice was soft, almost timid, as if the idea of walking into a crowded room made you anxious.

tara’s features softened instantly, her eyes filling with warmth as she gave you a reassuring smile. “of course i’ll stay with you,” she said, reaching out to squeeze your hand gently. “i won’t leave you alone for a single moment tonight, ‘kay?”

you nodded, offering her a small, grateful smile as you took a deep breath.

perfect.

you followed tara as she began to walk out of the room, her arm loosely linked with yours as the two of you made your way downstairs. the muffled bass of the music grew louder with each step, the sounds of laughter and conversation drifting through the hallway.

as you reached the bottom of the stairs, you scanned the room quickly, your mind already working.

the party was in full swing. influencers, tiktokers, and la’s finest were scattered everywhere, drinks in hand and smiles plastered on their faces.

but you weren’t interested in any of them.

your eyes swept the crowd, zeroing in on the people who mattered most. matt’s friends.

they weren’t hard to spot. matt—whenever he did decide to show up at events like these—always stuck close to the people he felt most comfortable with. usually, that meant nick, chris, and a couple of his closest friends. and tonight was no different.

one person caught your eye almost immediately. larray.

he was laughing, completely immersed in whatever conversation he was having. matt had never looked happier in a group of people and it was sort of like a stab to your heart but you quickly shook the feeling off, refocusing on the small group that surrounded matt. nick, chris, larray… and macy.

macy. matt’s new girlfriend.

the girl who had everything you ever wanted.

she was perched right beside him, her hand casually resting on his arm like it belonged there. she looked so comfortable, so secure in her place next to him. it made your stomach turn.

but not with sadness.

with determination.

there they were—laughing, chatting, blissfully unaware that they were about to become pawns in your little game.

but timing was everything.

you weren’t about to make your move too soon. not when there was so much at stake. so, for now, you waited.

you stuck close to tara, mingling with other guests and keeping up appearances. you laughed at jokes, smiled at compliments, and made small talk with influencers you barely cared about. to anyone watching, you looked like you were just another girl trying to blend into la’s social scene.

but your focus never strayed too far.

your eyes flicked back to matt’s group every chance you got, tracking their every move without being obvious.

nick and chris were in their usual spots, close to matt but engaged in their own conversations. larray was his usual vibrant self, effortlessly making everyone around him laugh. and macy… well, she was glued to matt’s side, just as expected.

you kept waiting, biding your time as the night dragged on.

and then, finally, it happened.

matt, nick, and chris stepped away, heading toward the backyard—probably to get some air or escape the chaos for a moment.

perfect.

your heart pounded in your chest as you took a deep breath, steadying yourself.

“tara,” you murmured softly, leaning closer so only she could hear, “i’m gonna go grab another drink. be right back.”

“want me to come with?” she asked, her eyes flickering toward the crowded bar area.

“nah,” you smiled, shaking your head. “i’ll be fine.”

she nodded, giving you an encouraging smile before turning back to her conversation.

and with that, you made your move.

your eyes locked onto larray, who was still standing near the bar, chatting and laughing with a few other people.

game on.

you made your way to the bar, grabbing some random drink that had been left unattended, and started to move toward larray. you made sure to stumble a bit, really selling the whole oops, i’m tipsy act. when you were close enough, you “tripped,” falling forward and spilling your drink all over him.

“shit. my bad. i didn’t mean to do that. i’m so sorry. are you alright?” you asked frantically, eyes darting around for anything to help. you spotted a napkin nearby and quickly handed it to him.

“yeah, i’m okay. chill, girl, damn!” he said, laughing it off as he wiped the drink off his shirt, giving you a playful side-eye.

“gosh, i’m sorry. i might be a little more drunk than i thought. i usually don’t trip over my feet like this,” you mumbled, shifting nervously.

“bitch, it’s okay. i promise, it’s not that deep. my clothes will dry.”

“yeah, i know. but i still feel bad.”

“well, don’t.” he waved you off, flashing you that bright, easy smile. “anyways, i’ve never seen you ‘round. you new here or what?”

“uh, yeah. i moved to la about a month ago for my job.”

he hummed, grabbing his drink off the table and taking a sip. “what do you do?”

“i actually work in fashion marketing.”

his eyes widened instantly, his interest clearly piqued. “wait, so like… do you get all the tea on the brands? tell me everything.”

you giggled softly, shaking your head. “sadly, not yet. i just started. but, trust me, you’ll be the first to know when they let me in on all the juicy shit.”

“you better.” he gave you a pointed look, but his grin was playful.

“cross my heart.” you smirked, making a little x over your chest.

“mm, i like you already.” he gave you a wink before glancing around the room. “but, babe, why are you stuck talking to me when there’s a whole party happening?”

“honestly?” you shrugged, flashing him a sheepish smile. “you’re the most interesting person here.”

“aww, stop it, i’m blushing.” he fanned himself dramatically, making you laugh.

“seriously, though,” he leaned in a little closer, lowering his voice, “stick with me tonight, and i’ll make sure you have fun.”

perfect.

throughout the entire night, you stayed glued to larray’s side. he was the perfect guide to la’s influencer scene, introducing you to a lot of people—some of whom you already recognized from social media. but your focus wasn’t on them.

no, your interest was piqued when he introduced you to madison and quen.

it quickly became clear to you that they were probably the closest people to matt—along with larray.

you watched closely, noting the way they spoke about him, the way they laughed at inside jokes that only came from years of friendship. it was subtle, but the familiarity was there.

these were the people who mattered.

and they were exactly who you needed to get close to next.

you slipped seamlessly into conversation with them, playing up the charm and matching their energy effortlessly. it was easy, really—madison was sweet and warm, and quen? well, she was sharp, funny, and didn’t seem to take shit from anyone.

by the end of the night, you weren’t just some random girl who just moved to la. no, you were now on their radar.

the party came to a wrap and as you exchanged goodbyes and promises to hang out soon, you couldn’t help but smirk to yourself.

they had no idea what was coming.

phase four: complete.

phase five: get close to macy

you realized at the party that it wouldn’t have been a good idea to try and talk to macy because she didn’t leave matt’s side once, and matt would’ve immediately recognized you if he had seen you, which would’ve completely jeopardized the plan.

see, the thing is, macy is a model, and your agency just so happened to be looking for some new faces. after the party, you made sure to keep macy in the back of your mind because you knew it was only a matter of time before you’d be working with her in person. it wasn’t long before you got the chance—both of you were assigned to the same photoshoot for a big brand that the agency was promoting.

the first time you saw her in person, she was a lot quieter than you expected. maybe it was because she was surrounded by other models and people she worked with, but she didn’t seem nearly as outgoing as she came off on social media. you had no intention of just jumping in to get to know her right away, but you did make sure to get in a few casual hellos and comments about how excited you were to be working with her.

the shoot itself was long, and there were a lot of down moments while the crew set up shots or adjusted lighting, which gave you plenty of time to talk. you started by talking about the job itself—what it was like working with the agency, the constant hustle, and how draining it all could be. at first, macy wasn’t very open, giving you short answers, but you could tell she was warming up.

after a few hours of talking about everything from the industry to personal stuff, you noticed she seemed a little more relaxed around you. when the crew took a break, you casually offered to grab coffee with her, making sure it didn’t seem like you were trying too hard. macy agreed, and the two of you grabbed a quick coffee from a nearby shop.

over the next few weeks, you found more opportunities to work together, whether it was at another photoshoot or event. each time, you made sure to keep the conversation going, offering small, relatable advice about the industry and connecting on more personal levels. she started confiding in you more—about the pressure to maintain a certain image, the loneliness that came with constantly being on the go, and how hard it was to find genuine friends in a world full of fake ones.

you didn’t push her. you just listened, offering support when needed and being someone she could trust. eventually, she started to reach out to you first, asking for your opinion on various things, and you could tell she was beginning to see you as a friend, not just another coworker.

the real turning point came when the agency booked you both for a big event. during the event, things were relaxed enough that you had a chance to talk one-on-one. this was when you dropped the suggestion—about how your agency had been looking for fresh faces for future campaigns and how they were always interested in bringing in new talent. it was subtle, but effective. macy took the bait, and the next time you talked, she mentioned she’d been thinking about it and was considering taking the next step.

the seed had been planted. you’d gotten closer to her, built the trust, and now you had her in the perfect position. it wasn’t long before macy was fully onboard with the agency's next big campaign, and just like that, your plan was moving forward.

things were falling into place—slowly, but surely.

phase five: complete.

phase six: start spreading the rumors

now that you were getting closer to macy, madison, and quen, it was time to move to phase six of the plan: spreading rumors. subtle, harmless ones at first, ones that wouldn’t immediately seem like an attack, but that would eventually create tension in matt’s friend group. you knew matt’s friends well enough to know that they would start questioning his actions if the right things were said at the right time.

you decided to start with larray. after all, he was the easiest to get to. you’d spent a good amount of time with him, and he was an open book—always down to gossip and willing to listen. it didn’t take much for you to casually bring up the fact that you’d heard a little something about matt during one of your late-night conversations.

“so, like, i don’t know if i’m the only one who’s noticed, but…” you’d start, lowering your voice, like you were sharing some kind of secret. larray, always keen on gossip, would immediately lean in.

“what? spill it,” he’d say, raising an eyebrow.

you’d shake your head, pretending to hesitate. “it’s probably nothing, but i’ve been hearing stuff about matt… like, he’s been kinda distant lately. i don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but i heard he was kinda flaky at the last couple of events. like, not showing up or leaving early.”

larray’s expression would shift slightly, as though he was mulling it over, but he wouldn’t say much at first. you could tell he was processing the information. the next time he was hanging out with matt and the crew, he’d likely file that tidbit away in the back of his mind.

from there, you’d move on to madison. she was always more perceptive, more cautious about things, but you were good at working your way into people’s trust. one day, as you sat together, sipping your drinks, you’d casually bring up something you’d overheard.

“you know, i’ve noticed matt’s been kinda off lately. like, i don’t know if it’s just me, but he seems different. like, more withdrawn? you know, i’ve been hearing that he’s been talking behind people’s backs about his friends.”

madison would pause, taking a sip from her own drink, but her eyes would narrow just a little. “seriously? that doesn’t sound like him,” she’d say. “who’s he been talking about?”

“i mean, i don’t know if it’s about any one person specifically, but i’ve heard him say stuff about the larray before. not, like, bad stuff, but, like, you know, a little judgmental. he’s always got something to say when he’s not around, which is kinda weird, right?”

madison would probably just shrug it off at first, but you'd know that this type of gossip would linger in the back of her mind, especially when she started noticing the little things that seemed off in matt’s behavior.

last but not least, you’d work on quen. she was sharp, observant, and you knew that getting her to trust you enough to believe what you were saying would be a challenge. but you were up for it. your approach would be a little more direct with her.

one afternoon, you’d be hanging out, and you’d make sure to mention something that would start getting her wheels turning.

“i don’t know if you’ve noticed, but matt’s been acting really off lately. like, he’s not as, i don’t know, present? when he’s around the group, it’s like he’s just not… engaged. he’s distant. i heard him say some weird stuff about how he feels like he’s outgrown a lot of the people around him.”

quen would furrow her brows, not immediately responding. “outgrown? huh. that’s… odd. i mean, he’s always been the one trying to keep everyone together.”

“right? and now he’s just, like, pulling away. it’s strange. especially with how close he used to be with everyone.” you’d pause and look at her, as if genuinely concerned, adding, “maybe i’m reading too much into it, but it’s not just me noticing.”

quen would likely stay quiet for a moment, processing it, but deep down, she’d start to think about it. the next time she was with matt, she'd start paying more attention to the way he interacted with the group. the little things would start to show.

with each of them—larray, madison, and quen—you carefully planted just enough doubt to make them start second-guessing matt’s intentions, his loyalty, and his true feelings toward his friends. nothing too drastic at first, just small seeds of uncertainty. but soon enough, the tension would begin to rise. they’d start noticing what they hadn’t before.

and once they did, it would only be a matter of time before matt’s world began to shift.

you let the information sit with them for a while before starting to up the stakes—making the rumors a bit more… compromising.

“girl, don’t even get me started. i heard matt’s been real weird lately,” you say casually, swirling the straw in your drink as you sit next to larray. it’s subtle, but you know exactly what you’re doing.

“uh-uh, hold up.” larray’s eyes widen as he sets his drink down, giving you that signature side-eye. “what do you mean weird? like… weird weird or just matt-being-a-man weird? ‘cause you know these men don’t know how to act.”

you let out a small, dramatic sigh, playing it off like you don’t want to say too much. “i mean… i don’t know, it’s probably nothing. just heard he’s been kinda distant with macy lately. you didn’t notice?”

“not you trying to soft launch tea and then leaving me hanging,” larray gasps, placing a hand on his chest. “spill, bitch. don’t play with me like that.”

“nooo, it’s not that serious!” you laugh, shaking your head. “just… i saw him the other day and he barely acknowledged her. like, he was all up on his phone the whole time. it was just… weird.”

“not him treating macy like she’s on do not disturb,” larray snorts, rolling his eyes dramatically. “ugh, men are so exhausting. they can’t even pretend to care when they’re in public. disgusting.”

you shrug, acting nonchalant, but you know his perception of matt was changing.

onto madison

one night, when you and madison were grabbing drinks after work, you casually brought up matt’s name again, this time in a more pointed way.

“you know, i think i’ve been seeing something with matt,” you’d say, your voice almost too casual, too innocent. “well, not me personally, but macy has been telling me all these things about how matt’s being all secretive with her and stuff. like recently, that’s been our whole topic of conversation while we’re at work. she tells me he’s on his phone more often and how he’s always so dismissive of her questions when she asks him why he’s been distant lately. i don’t know ‘bout you, but it sounds like to me that he might be seeing someone on the sid

madison frowned, clearly uncomfortable. “seriously? that doesn’t sound like him at all.”

you’d nod, looking concerned. “yeah, i don’t know, but it’s been bugging me. i mean, macy doesn’t deserve that. and maybe he isn’t cheating. but why is he still being weird towards her.”

“yeah no, that’s really fucked up.” madison says, feeling a little sad for macy

“i know i shouldn’t be telling macy’s business like that but it was gnawing at me. and what’s worse is that macy doesn’t even consider that he could possibly be cheating on her. like i don’t know. i just- do you promise not to tell anyone?” you ask, trying your best to sound like you’ve been overcome with guilt.

madison nods, giving you a soft smile. “baby, of course i won’t tell anyone. secrets safe with me. in the end, these could all be rumors and a shit ton of overthinking so i wouldn’t really jump to conclusions but i’d definitely keep it in the back of my mind.”

you nod, returning the smile. “thanks. you’re a really good friend.”

“anytime”

you’d pulled off larray and madison, now all you had left for this round of rumors was quen.

after one evening, when you and quen were hanging out after work, you casually said, “have you noticed something with matt?”

quen raised an eyebrow. “what do you mean?”

“i don’t know, it’s just… i’ve noticed that matt is just… different. but like only with one person.”

her eyebrows furrowed in curiosity as she tilted her head slightly. “who?”

“macy.” you said carefully, like her name was some sort of taboo subject. “it’s weird. he’s like a whole different person when she’s not around. like i feel like he’s more of himself when he’s away from her. when she comes around though, he gets all agitated and annoyed. i might be reading into shit but like… i don’t know.”

quen scoffed, but there was a slight hesitation in her voice. “that sounds like some weird shit, honestly.”

“yeah, i mean, it’s not like macy hasn’t caught on either,” you’d say. “she has! but she’s kinda brushing it off, choosing to ignore it. i just feel like she’s making excuses for him. god i just- i feel bad.”

“well who wouldn’t? like no one should treat their girlfriend like she’s trapping them.”

“yeah no, it’s bad. could you like… not mention this to her. she just- she gets all defensive and mad and she’ll probably realize i told you and i’m not trying to be messy i just needed to get this off my chest and stuff.”

“girl i gotchu. don’t worry.”

“thanks.” you mumble.

now it was time for the even bigger ones. the rumors that would really leave them questioning matt.

you sat beside larray, pretending to scroll through your phone as if what you were about to say was nothing. casual. just another piece of gossip in la.

“okay, so tell me why macy was saying matt’s been so busy with filming and working yesterday’s problem lately,” you murmured, keeping your tone light but just loud enough for larray to catch it.

larray raised an eyebrow, already intrigued. “mmm, okay… and?”

you sighed dramatically, like you didn’t want to be messy but just had to spill. “and… quen told me she saw him at a bar the other night.” you paused for effect, giving larray a pointed look. “like… not the filimg. not working on his project. a bar.”

larray’s eyes widened, lips parting slightly. “bitch, what?!” he blinked, processing the information before shaking his head. “oh no. not this man lying through his motherfucking teeth and playing her in her face.”

“right?” you scoffed, biting your lip to hide the satisfied smirk threatening to form. “i mean, maybe there’s a good explanation, but… doesn’t it seem kinda weird?”

larray leaned back, crossing his arms, and gave you a look. “girl, ain’t no way. if my man told me he was working but was out getting going to bars n shit? he’d be single faster than he could even say single.”

“i knowwww,” you drawled, shaking your head, “but macy doesn’t suspect a thing.”

larray sucked his teeth, already mentally adding this to his list of things to bring up later. “ugh, these men. always something. i swear.”

you nodded, pretending to be concerned, but deep down, you knew this was exactly what you needed.

a few days after your conversation with larray, you decided that you’d get madison again. you and madison found yourselves grabbing drinks again, just like before. but this time? you came prepared even more.

“so… remember what i told you about matt last time?” you started, swirling your straw around in your drink, eyes carefully avoiding madison’s as if you were hesitant to even bring it up.

madison’s expression shifted, her brows furrowing slightly. “yeah… what about it?”

you bit your lip, leaning in a little closer like you were about to spill something big. “okay, so… i wasn’t gonna say anything ‘cause i didn’t wanna let macy’s business out into the open again, but… i’ve got more shit on that situation.”

madison’s eyes widened slightly. “girl, what happened?”

you sighed, feigning reluctance, but you wanted this. “so, macy mentioned something again the other day. she said matt’s been going out more—late nights, no explanation, just saying it’s ‘work stuff.’ but like… get this. when she asked him about it, he got defensive. like, super weird.”

madison’s frown deepened, concern flickering across her face. “defensive? over what though?”

“exactly!” you leaned back, arms crossed as if you were just as confused. “like, why get all worked up if you’ve got nothing to hide? and… i don’t know, macy mentioned she checked his location once and he wasn’t even where he said he’d be. she brushed it off, but…” you trailed off, letting the weight of your words hang between you.

madison’s lips pressed into a thin line. “no… that’s shady as hell. if he’s lying about where he’s at?” she shook her head. “girl, that’s not a good sign.”

“right?” you gave her a look that said you get it. “i mean, maybe it’s nothing… but macy’s too trusting. she doesn’t wanna believe he’d do anything like that. but…” you paused, lowering your voice slightly, “what if he is?”

madison’s jaw tightened, her protective instincts clearly kicking in. “ugh, poor macy. i hate that she’s going through this.”

you nodded, your expression perfectly laced with fake concern. “same. that’s why i told you… i didn’t wanna keep it bottled up. but, you know, i just… i feel bad keeping it all to myself.”

“no, no,” madison said softly, shaking her head. “i’m glad you told me. i’ll… i’ll keep an eye on things.”

after that night, things started falling into place exactly how you wanted.  

a week or so later, you and quen were hanging out again, this time lounging at her apartment after a long day. casual vibes, just the two of you unwinding, but your mind? it was working overtime.  

you waited until the conversation lulled, until the timing felt just right before you spoke up, your tone light but laced with just enough concern to hook her.  

“so… remember what i told you about matt and macy the other day?” you said, fiddling absentmindedly with your phone like it wasn’t that big of a deal.  

quen glanced over, her interest piqued immediately. “uh, yeah. why? what’s up?”  

you sighed, leaning back against the couch like this was weighing heavy on you. “ugh… i wasn’t gonna say anything else, but i’ve been noticing it *a lot* more now. like, girl… it’s bad.”  

quen’s brows furrowed, her attention fully locked in now. “how bad are we talking?”  

“like… okay, so macy told me that matt’s been avoiding spending too much time with her lately,” you started, keeping your voice low and almost hesitant, like you were scared of even saying it. “she says he’s been making excuses. work, friends, whatever. but get this…” you paused for dramatic effect, watching quen lean in a little closer. “the other day? she said they were supposed to hang out, but matt bailed last minute, saying he had something with the boys. but… quen…” you bit your lip, looking conflicted.  

“what?” quen pressed, her eyes narrowing slightly.  

“one of my friends saw him that night. and he wasn’t with nick or chris,” you said, lowering your voice. “he was *with another girl.*”  

quen’s jaw dropped, her expression flipping from curiosity to full-blown disbelief. “*bitch, what?!*”  

“i know,” you murmured, shaking your head like you hated even saying it. “i didn’t believe it at first either. but then i heard it from *two* people. like… what the fuck is going on?”  

quen sat up straighter, her lips pursed in frustration. “nah, that’s wild. and macy doesn’t know?”  

“nope,” you said softly, shaking your head. “and i don’t know if i should be the one to tell her. i mean, she’s already brushing off so much. she’d probably just think i’m stirring shit.”  

quen’s face hardened, her protective side flaring up. “that’s some *bullshit.* she deserves to know if matt’s acting shady like that.”  

“i know,” you sighed, looking down, feigning conflict. “but… i don’t wanna be the one to ruin things, you know? i just… i don’t know what to do.”  

quen shook her head, clearly irritated now. “girl, don’t worry. i’ll keep an eye on him. if he’s up to something shady, we’ll know.”  

you gave her a small, grateful smile, nodding. “thanks, quen. i just… i needed to tell someone. this whole thing’s been eating at me.”  

“don’t worry,” quen said firmly, her tone serious. “if that boy’s up to something, he won’t be able to hide it for long.”  

and just like that, the wheels were turning. quen was on high alert now, watching matt like a hawk. you didn’t even have to do anything more—she’d handle the rest.  

phase six: complete

phase seven: introduce macy to the matt treatment

phase seven was the hardest part.

everything up until now had been about laying the groundwork, planting little doubts in everyone’s minds. but this? this was about making macy feel something that wasn’t even real.

the thing is, matt was a great boyfriend. he wasn’t distant, he wasn’t sneaky, and he wasn’t out here treating macy the way he treated you. and that was the problem.

because if macy never felt the way you felt—if she never experienced the gut-wrenching, soul-crushing matt treatment—then she’d never leave him.

and that? that wasn’t part of the plan.

so, you had to get creative.

step one: distance. but not from matt—from macy’s side of things.

it started small.

“girl, why don’t you ever come out with us anymore?” quen had asked her one night after work, and you made sure you were just within earshot.

macy had laughed it off. “ugh, i know. matt and i have just been spending so much time together lately.”

“damn, glued to his hip, huh?” quen had joked, but the seed had been planted.

and you? you watered it.

“you know,” you said softly the next day, when it was just you and macy grabbing coffee, “it’s great that you and matt are so close, but… don’t you miss having time for yourself sometimes?”

macy frowned a little but shrugged. “not really. i like being with him.”

“of course,” you smiled, keeping your tone light. “but… i don’t know. sometimes too much time together can make things feel… suffocating, y’know? like, matt’s great, but maybe a little space wouldn’t hurt?”

she didn’t agree. not yet. but that’s the thing about seeds—they take time to grow.

step two: fake tension.

if matt wasn’t going to create the tension, you’d have to do it for him.

“ugh,” macy groaned one afternoon while scrolling through her phone. “matt’s been so stressed with everything lately.”

you leaned in, feigning concern. “what’s wrong?”

“just the usual… filming, editing, meetings… he’s been overwhelmed.”

you nodded, playing your part perfectly. “yeah… that’s a lot. has he been… different with you because of it?”

macy’s face scrunched up a bit, her mind already working through a scenario that didn’t exist.

“different how?”

“i don’t know,” you shrugged, keeping it vague on purpose. “sometimes guys get quiet when they’re stressed. pull away a little. they don’t even realize they’re doing it half the time.”

she didn’t say anything after that. but her silence? that was exactly what you wanted.

step three: paranoia.

this was where things got tricky. you had to be subtle, careful not to overplay your hand.

“hey, have you noticed matt texting more lately?” you asked casually one evening, like it was just a passing thought.

macy blinked, looking up from her drink. “huh?”

“oh, nothing,” you waved it off with a smile. “i just… i don’t know. when we were out the other night, i noticed he was on his phone a lot. but it’s probably nothing.”

but it was never nothing.

because now? macy’s mind was already spiraling.

and it worked.

little by little, macy started to feel the things you had felt.

the distance.

the doubt.

the sinking feeling in her gut that something wasn’t quite right, even though matt was still being the same perfect boyfriend he had always been.

but to macy? it wouldn’t feel that way anymore.

because now?

everything felt off.

phase seven: complete.

phase eight: start encouraging macy to break up with matt

phase eight was all about patience.

you knew macy wasn’t ready to let go just yet. she was still holding on, hoping things would get better with matt—even after all the doubts you’d planted.

but that was fine.

because this wasn’t a sprint. it was a marathon.

so you kept playing your part.

you spent more time with her, slowly becoming her confidant.

hangout one: thursday, july 17th, 12:14 pm

another brunch.

macy looked exhausted, her smile just a little less bright than usual.

“you okay?” you asked, keeping your tone light but concerned.

she gave a small shrug, stirring her coffee absentmindedly. “yeah… just tired, i guess.”

you let it go. didn’t push. just offered a soft smile and changed the subject to something easy.

hangout two: wednesday, july 30th, 11:37 pm

a late-night target run.

the conversation was effortless, jumping from one topic to another.

“ugh, i swear, i’m gonna end up living off frozen pizza and sour candy,” you joked, tossing a bag into the cart.

macy laughed, but her response was softer, almost distracted. “at least you know what you like.”

it was nothing. just a passing comment.

hangout three: friday, august 22nd, 10:43 pm

movie night at her place.

you both sat curled up on the couch, the glow of the tv flickering across the room.

“thanks for coming over,” macy murmured, almost too quietly to catch.

“of course,” you said softly, not making a big deal of it.

she didn’t say anything else.

but the way her shoulders relaxed just a little more as the night went on?

that wasn’t nothing.

but none of it stood out.

no lingering looks. no obvious smiles. no heavy silences.

just… a quiet comfort.

she started replying to your texts a little faster.

her invitations to hang out came a little more frequently.

and maybe—maybe—she seemed a little more at ease when it was just the two of you.

but it was subtle.

so subtle that even you didn’t catch it.

because phase eight wasn’t about that.

phase eight was about planting doubt.

and that?

that was working perfectly.

phase eight: complete

phase nine: watch as matt’s life falls apart completely

and this all brings us back to now.

matthew bernard sturniolo.

god, you couldn’t stand the man. but looking at him now—his life a complete mess—there was nothing sweeter. and the best part?

it was all because of you.

his friends had all turned their backs on him. larray, madison, quen—they didn’t look at him the same anymore. the doubt you’d planted in their minds had festered, grown, and twisted everything they once believed about matt.

larray? couldn’t trust matt after the whole “bar incident.” he’d barely speak to him now. anytime matt tried to reach out, larray would leave him on read or reply with some dry-ass response that made it painfully obvious he wasn’t interested. and when he did talk to him?

“girl, i’m busy. find someone else to lie to.”

madison? she kept her distance. she hadn’t confronted matt directly, but you could tell she was piecing everything together. the seeds of doubt you’d planted had bloomed beautifully, and now she didn’t even look at matt the same.

quen? she was the most direct.

“nah, matt,” she had said the last time he tried talking to her. “i don’t fuck with that weird shit. you’re different.”

and then there was macy.

sweet, sweet macy.

she had been the hardest to break. her love for matt was deep—genuine. it took time to unravel that.

but you did it.

every rumor. every carefully crafted conversation. every doubt you whispered in her ear.

it all led to this moment.

she had finally broken up with him.

you weren’t there to see it, but you could imagine how it went down. the tears in her eyes, her voice breaking as she confronted him.

“i just… i can’t do this anymore, matt.”

and matt?

probably standing there, dumbfounded, begging her to believe that none of it was true.

but it was too late.

you had made sure of that.

now, matt was left standing in the wreckage of his own life.

his friends? gone. his relationship? over. his reputation? in shambles.

and he had no idea who was pulling the strings.

you stood on the sidelines, watching it all crumble, a satisfied smirk tugging at your lips.

all that heartbreak? all that pain?

now, it was his turn to feel it.

and the best part?

he never even saw it coming.

but it wasn’t enough.

watching matt’s life fall apart had been… satisfying. no doubt. but it still didn’t give you the closure you needed. not yet.

because he still didn’t know.

and what fun would it be if he never found out?

no, matt needed to see you—face to face. he needed to look you in the eyes and realize who was behind it all. he needed to feel the weight of everything crashing down around him and know that it was your doing.

you needed that moment.

and as fate would have it, that moment was just around the corner.

macy had left something at matt’s place. she didn’t want to go back for it herself—too painful, too fresh—so, naturally, she asked you to grab it for her.

at first, you weren’t sure if it was a good idea. walking back into his space? after everything? but then, you realized…

this was your chance.

you’d have matt all to yourself. no macy. no friends. just you and him.

so, here you were. standing outside his apartment, heart pounding, pulse racing.

you knocked.

once.

twice.

the door swung open faster than you expected, and there he was.

matthew bernard sturniolo.

and he looked like shit.

dark circles under his eyes, hair a mess, his expression was… tired. broken.

“cherry?” his voice was barely above a whisper, pure disbelief written all over his face.

you felt a sick sort of satisfaction bloom in your chest.

“matthew. it’s been a while. how’ve you been lately?” you asked, an almost sadistic smirk tugging at your lips.

he blinked, eyes wide, like he was seeing a ghost. “i-i… wha-what are you doing here?” his voice was barely above a whisper, shaky and unsure.

you tilted your head, feigning innocence. “you really haven’t figured that out yet?” your hand rested on your hip, your tone dripping with impatience. all this hard work, months of planning, and the boy didn’t even have a damn clue. how rude.

but what was even more insulting? the way this idiot had the nerve to shake his head. “n-no.”

wow.

“ugh, you’re as stupid as ever,” you scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief. “it was me, goddamn it. i did it. i’m the reason your sad, pathetic life is crumbling to pieces.”

the color drained from his face, eyes widening—not with confusion this time, but pure, unfiltered terror.

“why… why would you do something like that?” he asked, his voice barely holding together.

you rolled your eyes, a bitter laugh slipping out. “god, are you stupid?” your tone dripped with disdain. “you really don’t remember?”

his silence was answer enough.

“jesus christ, matt,” you muttered, crossing your arms. “four years. four fucking years, and you can’t even remember the shit you put me through?”

his lips parted, but no words came out.

“let me refresh your memory then.” you stepped closer, just enough to watch the panic build behind his eyes. “remember high school? how we did everything like a couple but you never wanted to put a label on it? all that ‘i’m not ready for a relationship yet’ bullshit? and me? i was so fucking stupid, i waited. i waited for you.”

matt’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t speak.

“but it didn’t stop there, did it?” you went on, voice dripping with venom. “no, you kept feeding me lies. you’re the only one who gets me, baby. one day, i’m gonna marry you, you know that?” you scoffed, eyes narrowing. “and like an idiot, i believed it. i believed you.”

his breathing was heavier now, chest rising and falling a little too quickly.

“then you left,” you hissed, your tone colder now. “moved to la. promised we’d make it work, that we’d talk every day, visit whenever we could.” you let out a bitter laugh. “but those calls? they got shorter. the texts? less frequent. until, eventually…” you paused, your gaze hardening as you locked eyes with him.

“you ghosted me.”

his face paled even more, if that was even possible.

“left me wondering what the fuck i did wrong. wondering why i wasn’t enough for you,” your voice cracked, but you swallowed the emotion down, refusing to let him see you break. “and just when i finally started to accept that maybe you weren’t coming back…” you tilted your head, a cruel smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

“i saw the pictures.”

matt’s breath caught in his throat.

“you. at that party. all over her.” the venom in your voice was impossible to miss. “while i was sitting at home, waiting for a text you were never going to send.”

matt opened his mouth, but you didn’t give him the chance.

“and that’s when i realized,” you said, leaning in just enough for your words to cut deeper. “i was never going to be enough for you. but that’s okay. because now?”

you smiled sweetly, though your eyes were anything but kind.

“you’re the one who’s left with nothing.”

you stood there, staring at him for a few seconds, letting the weight of your words sink in. you could see the way he was struggling to process it, the panic mixed with guilt. but it wasn’t your problem anymore. you had done what you came for, and that was all that mattered.

you let out a deep breath, shaking your head in disbelief.

“god, matt,” you muttered, the contempt thick in your voice. “you really are the worst.”

you turned your back on him, hearing him call your name weakly, but you didn’t stop.

"you're nothing but a liar and a coward," you threw over your shoulder. "so enjoy the mess you made. you deserve every bit of it."

without looking back, you walked towards your car, your heart pounding, but not from anger—no, from a strange kind of satisfaction. for the first time in years, it felt like everything was finally in place. like all the puzzle pieces had clicked together, and you had everything you needed.

you slid into the driver's seat, slamming the door shut. you could still hear him shouting your name, but it didn’t matter anymore. his voice was nothing now.

you put the car in drive, the engine rumbling to life, and slowly pulled away from the curb.

as you made your way home, your mind wandered back to macy.

phase ten

you couldn’t help but smile, the anticipation building. it had been a slow burn, but now, things had shifted in ways you hadn’t even expected. what started as a plan to destroy matt had turned into something much more unexpected. you had gotten under his skin—and now, macy’s too.

the thought of macy, her soft lips against yours, the way she started leaning into you more and more, her touch lingering a little longer than it should’ve—none of it had been planned. but here you were, with a beautiful, broken mess of a boyfriend’s ex, and she was yours now.

you smiled to yourself as you sped down the road, your thoughts consuming you.

phase ten: ravish your new girlfriend's body completely.

and just like that, the plan was over. the game had changed. you didn’t need revenge anymore—you had her.

dividers: @bernardsbendystraws

© throatgoat4u

[moonlitcelestial]

Chapter 16

Beyond the Lens - Logbook Videographer!Reader x OT8 Ateez

W/C 11,450

🎥 Series Masterlist 🎥

☽ Masterlist ☾ 

Inspiration Pictures

Pinterest Board Masterlist

Previous Chapter (Chapter 15)

Disclaimer: This story is purely a work of fiction. It is not meant to assume or mock anything about Ateez, Atiny, or anything relating to what I do not know about being a videographer.

Contains she/her pronouns.

The logo in the center is mine. Please do not reuse or copy.

I strongly recommend looking at the inspiration pictures and the Pinterest boards (which will be updating as the story goes on).

General Warnings: slow burn, cussing, conflict, angst, fluff, and obliviousness. 

CHAPTER WARNINGS - Angst and alcohol

The most anticipated chapter has arrived! I am going to be honest with you and tell you right now that this is my favorite chapter so far, that may change in the future, but still. I recommend looking at the reference pictures for ideas of the layout and vibes of the house, and for the team and their spouses. Let me know what you think! <3 Moonie

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★

Hongjoong took quick steps to come stand in front of you, almost pushing you back from being too close to the ledge. Once he had herded you away from he clifface by a few steps he seemed to backtrack as he started rambling. “I understand it is a huge question, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. Seeing you with the boys at your house has solidified how well you fit into our dynamic.” his hands twitched at his sides like he was trying to keep himself from reaching out to you. His posture had straightened just slightly as he continued, “We would love to have the chance to date you. I know it is unconventional but we are unconventional people, and I get the feeling that you are too. If you do decide that you would like to accept our offer we will take it at your pace. I have made that very clear to everyone.” 

“Why me?” Your head hadn’t risen from looking at the ground. Your heartbeat was echoing throughout your body, your breathing was starting to stutter as you tried to hold back your tears. Your insecurities were slowly turning into frustration, frustration at yourself and frustration at the people who made you this way.

Shouldn’t you be happy that one of the most sought after men was asking you to join him and his boyfriends? 

Shouldn’t you be jumping at the opportunity?

All you could think about was the flaws you saw in yourself; comparing yourself to everyone else. “Why would you pick someone like me who has so many years of emotional baggage that are buried so deep that it would take years upon years of healing and acceptance to get past it. You would be so much better off without me and the baggage I carry, someone who can freely show their emotions and not box them away to try to forget about them because of their past.” You looked up at him freely letting the tears fall. His face fell as he looked at you, he took one step forward and you took one back. 

“Why would you choose the outcast of every friend group, the black sheep of their family, the one who never fits in with anyone no matter where I am. I am just a plain person–” You motioned to yourself with both hands, “–and you all are well, you; famous and absolutely beloved you– You would be better with someone who would fit into your lifestyle.” you moved your hands to gesture at him. He was frozen, his mouth just barely parted as if he wanted to say something but you were quicker.

“Why would you want to be with someone who is so inexperienced in a relationship that I didn't even know Seonghwa called me darling a few days ago? You would be better with someone with more experience than an almost 27 year old who hasn't had an actual relationship ever.” You ran a shaky hand through your hair, taking another step back from him and lowering your head again. 

“Why would you choose me and not some other beautiful idol, one that doesn't have stretch marks and scars all over her body. Someone that is confident in their own skin.” You started pulling at your clothes, you unzipped the leather jacket that began to feel suffocating. The shirt you were once very comfortable in now felt like it was shrinking. You ran your hands through your hair tugging at the roots as you sank to your knees on the rocks. You felt the twinge of pain in your left knee where the rocks were digging into the skin where the nerves were fucked up. You didn't care. 

You looked up to Hongjoong and watched as the tears started falling down his face. “Why would you choose someone who scares people away, someone who is and always has been the disappointment.  You would be so much better off with someone who isn't covered in tattoos and looked down upon because of them.” You looked back down to the ground and your arms wrapped around your middle. Your breath became more erratic, your lungs holding hands with your heart as they leapt around in your chest. You couldn't feel anything but the roiling thoughts in your head. Everything was numb.

“There are so many better people out in the world that would be over the moon at this opportunity so why are you wasting it on me? The one who always loves too much and then they fall out of–” 

“—Because we fucking love you,” his voice cracked. “Stop talking about yourself like that. Just stop and fucking listen to what I have to say.” Your head whipped up to look at him from the rocks that were interesting just a moment ago; he hardly ever cussed or raised his voice. You felt your bottom lip tremble and your heartbeat was crescendoing in your ears. You could barely keep eye contact through the tears that were spilling like raindrops down your face from the storm in your head. How could this be real? This had to be some fucked up dream. You wrapped your arms tighter around yourself as you looked down. You couldn't stand to look at the man that was looking at you with so much love when you had barely any for yourself. 

Would they actually stay?

Would you fuck up their dynamic coming into the relationship that has been going on for years? 

Would they fall out of love with you? 

Hongjoong interrupted your spiraling thoughts by stepping forward, kneeling in front of you, and grabbing your chin forcing you to look up at him. It wasn’t forceful like every other time someone did this to you, it was gentle, almost like you were porcelain and he was trying not to break you. The way he held you didn’t even make you flinch like it would have any other time. You hadn't even realized the tears had started falling quicker until he wiped them gently with his other hand. “Let's get one thing straight. You ARE NOT a waste.” He paused, taking a deep breath like he was trying to collect his thoughts and not lash out at you for letting your mind destroy you. You could see the fire burning in his dark eyes. Taking a stuttering breath you attempted to calm yourself. 

“You are one of the most extraordinary people I have met, people in the past may have told you different but they are dead fucking wrong. You might have been burned in the past, but I assure you that we are absolutely serious about this. You feel like the missing piece we never knew we needed. We are pursuing you. You are the person that we want to have with us from now on. You. Not anyone else. You. We want you through the light and the dark. We want you through everything. Do you understand me?” 

“Yes,” you whispered. He moved his grip on your chin to cup your cheek. You felt the walls you had built around your heart begin to crumble. The storm in your head had started to dissipate, you could feel your body grounding itself with his touch. He was being so gentle, you leaned into it and closed your eyes. This was a feeling you could get used to. 

“Good, now that we are on the same page, will you let us pursue you?” You met his eyes and saw the raw vulnerability. He was holding his heart out to you on a silver platter; you had the opportunity to take it and protect it or smash it to pieces. 

“I have been noticing how all of you act with me and not the other members of my team. I took a deep dive into my feelings on the drive to that wretched hotel and discovered how I truly felt about all of you, and have continued to realize the extent of those feelings as the days have passed. That I love you too, but I am so fucking scared of being with all of you and then you leaving like everyone else has. That would absolutely destroy me.” 

“We don't plan on leaving you, not in a million years.” He scooted closer to you, slow enough that if you wanted to you could move away. You didn’t.

“I am and always have been open to anything; but–” You paused, wringing your hands together. “Even with your affirmations of not leaving I am still absolutely terrified; every other time someone promised they would stay they didn’t.” Taking a shuttering deep breath you continued your rambling.

“I don't know If I am prepared for this–” You trailed off and fully took him in and watched as his expression shifted. The tears that were spilling down his face had ceased but you could see the dried tear tracks. A fresh set of tears started threatening to spill down your face at his expression. It was reserved but you could see the sadness lingering in his features. His beautiful dark eyes were dimmed, the shine they once held moved to the tears lingering in his eyes; they took it all. 

He moved the hand that was cupping your face to take your hand. “Just one chance, that's all we are asking for. We just need one chance to show you how wrong they are, just one to show you how loved you are– Please– please let us show you the love you deserve.” He squeezed your hand tightly. Grounding himself and you into this moment.

You took a deep breath in and out looking down slightly, You let out a small sigh and for the first time in a long, long time listened to your heart over your mind. “I think–” The walls finally crumbled. You steeled yourself preparing to walk into the unknown with them. “I think I would like to join you.”

You raised your head back up and looked at him. You could see the relief flicker across his face, it morphed into a sweet smile as he let out a breath he must have been holding. He pulled you into a bone crushing hug. You let out a watery laugh and clung to him. You stayed there enjoying the comfort of each other for a few minutes. He pulled away gently and looked at you. He was smiling so wide at you. He glanced from your eyes down to your lips and back up again. “Can I kiss you?”

You nodded to him as he got up from his kneeling position and offered his hand to you. You gently took it and stood on wobbly legs. He stepped closer and moved his hands to rest on your hips, he rested his forehead against yours before capturing your lips in a kiss. Your eyes fluttered closed as you leaned into the kiss. His lips were plush against yours and tasted faintly of strawberries and salt from his tears earlier. You brought your hands around him to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. You smiled into the kiss as he sighed through his nose. He tightened his arms around your waist pulling you impossibly closer. Tilting his head he slightly deepened the kiss and you could feel how he poured all of his emotions into it. The love, the relief, the excitement. You both pulled away to breathe shortly after the kiss began. You opened your eyes to look at him and he was already watching you. He pulled you into another hug and rested his head in the juncture between your shoulder and neck. 

“We won't let you down, I promise. You will be the most loved person in the world.” He murmured into the skin he was nuzzled against. You continued to play with his hair and he leaned further into you if that was even possible. The two of you had no space between your bodies, you could feel his slightly erratic heartbeat against your own. His breathing was caressing the side of your neck as he rested there. His arms were wrapped tightly around your back leaving no room for you to move. You could feel the heat creeping up to your face at the closeness. Your phone started buzzing in your jacket pocket, you pulled your head and one arm away from holding him and pulled it out.

“It's Aurora, she is probably wondering where we are.” You cleared your throat to make sure it didn't sound like you had just been harshly crying and then answered the phone. He pouted at you and you stuck your tongue out at him. He did the same to you before putting his head back into the juncture of your neck just resting there. You felt him squeeze you and you let out a small huff.

“Hey, what's up?” you combed your fingers through Hongjoong’s hair, he melted further into you again. 

“Hey it has been almost an hour, are you guys on your way back?” You could barely hear her from all of the noise coming through the phone; they must be having a rager over there. Hongjoong huffed a laugh at how loud everything was in the background. 

“Yeah, we were just sitting at the overlook talking, we are heading back now.” Hongjoong started moving his hands up and down your back, it was soothing. 

“Okay, see you soon Boo, I love you, be safe.” 

“I always am, I love you too, see you soon”

“We need to head back Joongie,” you said, sticking your phone back in your jacket pocket. 

“I don't want to,” he whined, pulling away from you and crossing his arms. The leather creaked and you laughed at him. He is already trying to use aegyo on you, if he got any cuter you might have to squish his cheeks. 

“Come on Joongie, I have seven other boyfriends waiting to see me.” You could only imagine the chaos that was going to unfold when you got back. 

“Say it again.” His eyes were on you and it made you just a little nervous the way he was staring into your soul. 

“I have seven other boyfriends waiting to see me.” You watched the smile on his face grow. He was almost jittery with what you could only assume was excitement and a little bit of adrenaline.  

“I cannot tell you how happy that makes me,” he said, pulling you into another quick hug. He pulled away and gave you a chaste kiss on your cheek before turning around and grabbing his helmet. He handed it to you tilting his head to the side. You shook your head with a smile at his silent demand. You gently put it over his head and snapped the chinstrap into place. You grabbed your helmet off the ground and dusted it off before handing Hongjoong your glasses. He held them for you, cleaning the lenses of the tear stains with the fabric of his shirt peeking out the bottom of the leather jacket. You raised the visor and held out your hand for the glasses. He gave them to you and you slipped them on and slapped your visor down. You looked at him and grabbed the sides of his hemet and pressed your helmet to his for a helmet kiss. He let his hands rest over yours as you both looked at each other through the dark visors. 

“Let's go see our boyfriends.” You stepped away from him and threw your leg over Ink. He settled in behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. He pulled you closer as you started the engine. He may have left a little space earlier but now he was as close as he could be. You gave him little warning as you took off back the way you came. The small jolt made him squeeze you tighter and laugh. 

“I wish this didn't have to end, I could do this all day every day.” 

“Looks like we might have to get you a motorcycle, Joongie.” You responded while leaning into a turn. Because he was practically molded to your back he leaned perfectly with you; he was a quick study.  

“We might just have to do that, then you could have someone to race," he said thoughtfully as you both straightened back up. 

You made your way back the way you came and once you got to your gate you pushed the button to open it up. As you made it through the trees you smiled at the cars that were parked along your driveway. This is what you loved, being able to come home and see that you had people choosing to spend time with you. 

You pulled into the garage and helped Hongjoong get his helmet off after you took yours off. This was the calm before the storm. You knew once they found out you had accepted their invitation that your life would completely change for the better. You studied Hongjoong as he took off the leather jacket you lent him. He turned around to look at you and smiled once he caught you already looking at him. 

“Can you pinch me so I know I’m not dreaming?” He approached you, reached out and lightly pinched you. The pain was only there for a moment, but it was just enough; this was real. You let out a laugh and flung your arms around him. He reciprocated the hug and you couldn’t contain your joy. After a couple of minutes you let him go and grabbed his hand interlacing his fingers with yours. 

“Hey, Joongie,” his eyes snapped up to yours from looking at your intertwined hands. “I love you too.” With a strength that you assumed he pulled out of his cute ass he tugged you to him and planted a kiss on your lips that sent heat over your neck and to your face. You melted into the kiss but as soon as it started it ended. Giggling like a schoolgirl you started dragging him into your house, eager to see the rest of your boyfriends; no matter the state they were in. 

You started to feel the nerves creep up the back of your neck. You squashed them in an instant, this was your choice, these were your boys, they loved you like you loved them. Hongjoong squeezed your hand before letting go so you both could hold onto the handrail to go down the stairs. You heard the crazy singing and saw the flashing lights before you even made it down the first three steps. As the both of you made your way down everyone’s eyes snapped to you. Aurora was behind the bar mixing what looked like some kind of cocktail. Moving over to go to your team you took a seat next to Meadow at the center of the bar. You could feel the grin threatening to split your face. She was smiling back at you and so were the rest of them. You looked at them with a quizzical look, you were interrupted before you could even ask what was going on.

“Y/n-niee!! We missed you!!” You turned just in time to barely catch Yeosang who had thrown himself at you. He nearly toppled you over into the bar. Hongjoong, the life saver, had steadied you. You didn’t even realize that he followed you over. 

“Sangie, be careful," he lightly scolded. Yeosang had looked at him like he just kicked his puppy. He was either tipsy or drunk, his face was just barely red but you could feel the heat radiating from him. You giggled and smoothed out Yeosang's soft brown hair. He was standing between your legs and just leaning on you with his head on your chest and arms wrapped around your waist. Shortly after he had enough of his slouched position he moved over to Hongjoong and rested himself on his back with his arms over Hongjoong’s shoulders; almost like a back hug. You smiled softly at him, he didn’t even know that you were his partner yet and he was acting like this. 

“Hey, want a drink you two?” You heard Aurora from behind the bar. You turned to look at her red face, she was at least tipsy. 

“Yes please, you know what I like, and something sweet for him.” You nodded your head toward Hongjoong. He looked at you with his head tilted. “I have seen you with bitter alcohol. I would rather not have you hissing and spitting at it in my house.” All of the people surrounding you started laughing at your comment, even Yeosang let out a small snicker. Hongjoong smiled at you and grabbed your hand under the bar. You smoothed your thumb over the back of his hand.

“Maybe a strawberry daiquiri?” She asked. You nodded at her and turned to sit actually facing the bar. She grabbed the small pitcher you set in the fridge earlier, poured it out into a tall glass, and slid it over the counter to him. He gently took it and took a sip. Humming at the taste of the sweet drink. 

“So, what happened while we were gone? I see that most of them are at least some form of tipsy or drunk.” Rowan snickered as you finished your statement. 

“We watched Aurora and Meadow kick their asses at Mario Kart. Then there was a game of foosball that ended up in them taking shots each time one one scored. That’s where Mingi and Wooyoung got their drunkenness from. Yunho and Jongho swept the floor with them.” 

“Seonghwa and Yeosang both decided that it would be a great idea to play a tipsy round of ping pong. Wooyoung had somehow got them to take shots when they missed, which only got worse as they went on. We also got it on video just for the two of you.” Aurora said with a giant smile as she rounded the bar to go sit back next to Meadow. 

“Yunho and Asher played a few rounds of Air hockey, Asher won one and Yunho won two.” Forrest added from the opposite corner, smirking at Asher who was slightly pouting between his husband and Hongjoong.

“You didn't have to mention that in front of the champion of all of these games.” He leans toward Hongjoong and whispers, "I think she comes down here just to practice strategy sometimes.” He straightened and smiled at you while you were flipping him off 

“Oh also, San and Jongho found your whisky collection. San is completely red faced and absolutely hilarious. I knew my flush got bad but I think he might have me beat. Jongho is scary with how well he holds his liquor,” Asher said. You turned your head to look around the space and immediately spotted the men in question. San had a small almost empty glass of whiskey and a large smile on his face watching Jongho, who seemed to be sober, singing. It got to a part that he knew and he immediately started loudly singing using his glass as a microphone. Wooyoung was hanging on San’s shoulder and laughing his ass off at the show. Yunho was dancing animatedly next to Jongho and Mingi was drunken headbanging. Seonghwa was a little red as well, he approached your group at the bar and smiled sweetly at you and HongSang. He rested his arms over your shoulders much like Yeosang was doing with Hongjoong. You leaned back into his embrace and decided to be a little bold to see his reaction. 

You kissed the inside of his forearm lightly as Aurora slid a mudslide toward you. She watched with wide eyes at your motion. Before you grabbed the glass you held out your pinky to her. It had become a staple to hold out your pinky to promise that you would talk soon if now wasn't the right time. She linked her pinky around yours with a large smile, she already knew judging by the look on her face but knowing her she would be begging for the details later. 

You looked up to Seonghwa who was looking at you with wide eyes. His brain must have been lagging out. With the hand that Aurora just released you grabbed one of his hands and intertwined your fingers with his. His hands were slightly clammy but they were soft and delicate. You brought his hand up to your lips and kissed the back of it before releasing it and grabbing your mudslide. Hongjoong squeezed the hand you held under the table you squeezed back and took a sip of your drink. 

“Noonaa! Come play a game with us!!” You turned to look at Wooyoung, he was standing there staring at you. You tilted your head at him and pointed to yourself. He nodded, almost knocking himself into Mingi who was standing directly to his side. You patted Seonghwa’s arms to signal you were going to get up. He unwrapped his arms from around you and stepped away. You got up and smiled at everyone. 

“What are we playing Woo? I hope you know I am not all that great at games.” You heard your team and their spouses burst into laughter behind you. You glared at them over your shoulder silently willing them to play along, just for the hell of it. You turned back to the men who were looking at you curiously. 

“I wanna play air hockey with Y/n-nie” San slightly slurred. You looked over at him and raised your eyebrow. He was wearing a grin and leaning heavily on Yunho. 

“You gotta be able to stand by yourself to play Sannie,” he immediately separated himself from Yunho with a wobble which almost made him knock into Wooyoung who in turn knocked into Mingi in an attempt to avoid San. You burst into giggles and the others at the bar laughed wholeheartedly at the men standing in front of the TV. Once you recovered from your laughing fit you saw all of them pouting at you. 

“Aww you poor babies,” you cooed at them making your way over. Your smile was teasing as you pinched San and Wooyoung’s cheeks. They tried to swat you away but missed. “Come on Sannie, let's play a round.” He immediately lit up and started making his way over to the air hockey table, thankfully it was the closest one otherwise he would have ran into something on the way. You turned it on and slid one of the pushers his way. He surprised you by actually catching it. 

“First one to eight?” He nodded at you and was trying so hard to lock in. You took pity on him and decided to play a little nicer than you usually did. Most of the time against the team and their spouses, no matter how drunk or sober, you tried your damndest to kick their asses. You let him score some against you and then you got a couple to make it seem like you weren’t throwing the match. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Forrest and Rowan go to the foosball table with Willow and Aurora. You smirked at the thought of trying that with the boys, maybe next time. Once San got to seven you really decided to kick it up. You came up from behind and got up to seven from your measly two. You made a show of trying to block the puck but in the end you ‘slipped’ and he won. The boys surrounding him cheered and you felt someone wrap themselves around you. You turned your head and looked at Yeosang, he was a cute clingy drunk. 

“Noona!” You looked away from Yeosang and to Wooyoung. “Can we play Mario Kart?” He was standing there staring at you with the cutest puppy dog eyes that could rival Yunho’s. You nodded at him and he immediately ran and jumped onto the couch. 

“The only thing is that we will need to rotate so everyone can play, even the team and their spouses if they choose to do so.” You walked over to the couch with Yeosang trailing shortly behind you, you settled him on the couch in front of where Mocha was and took a seat on the plush rug in front of him. Everyone flocked to the sitting area in front of the large tv. Jongho and Hongjoong took a seat flanking Yeosang, Seonghwa made himself comfortable on the ground next to you in front of Hongjoong. Yunho and Mingi sat on the other side of Hongjoong and San sat next to you. Wooyoung was sitting in the corner of the couch right next to Yunho. Aurora and Meadow made their way over, Aurora took a seat next to Wooyoung and Meadow plopped down on the floor next to Mingi; her bias. You snuck a glance at her and you could see the tips of her ears turn pink. Willow sat next to Aurora and Rowan made himself comfortable in front of her and hung his arms on her knees. Forrest and Asher sat themselves on the rug with Asher next to San and Forrest on his other side. You looked over your chosen family with a smile, this is where your heart is. A weight landed on the top of your head and you assumed Yeosang put his chin on you, shortly after his arms wrapped around your shoulders in the same pose he did with Hongjoong earlier. 

Rowan, who was the closest to the entertainment center, grabbed the joycons and handed them out, Wooyoung was the first one to grab one and you followed. Forrest moved across the floor and grabbed the one matching yours and Aurora grabbed the last one. The first game turned into the second and the second turned into the fifth which turned into the eighth. You all were tipsy and or drunk and having so much fun. It had eventually almost turned into a screaming match when Wooyoung hit Mingi with one too many blue shells. Watching those two bicker would never get old. Once everyone had at least one round of playing you heard Jongho speak up from slightly behind you. 

“Pool?” You turned to look up at him and you could see the slight red tinge on his face, he definitely was holding his liquor better than everyone else. He had a small glass in his hand and was swirling it as he looked down at you. 

“Okay, you are totally on, give me a second and I'll head over.” You got up from beside San and Seonghwa who were slightly leaning on you. They both made a noise of protest as you got up to head to the bar. Aurora was already behind it as she was getting a drink of water for Meadow. 

“Jongho and I are playing pool,” You didn’t even have to finish what you were going to say as she already brought out the tray and poured several shots. She knew exactly what you were doing and she grinned at you proudly. Once she was finished you grabbed it and your mudslide and walked over toward the pool table. Setting the tray on the air hockey table you smiled sweetly at the rest of the boys who had circled up around the small area. 

“Alright, there are rules in my house, especially if you play pool with me. Every time one of the opposing persons object balls gets sunk you take a shot.” The boys had immediately started to jest like school children. Some of them were patting Jongho on the back and some of them looked worriedly at you. You gave a wink to Hongjoong who had come to lean against the air hockey table. Your team had taken a few of the bar stools and brought them over for the ones who wanted to sit. 

“Who breaks?” You walked over to the shelves under the stairs to grab your cue stick. The boy's eyes widened as you pulled out the hidden compartment on one of the bookshelves. You grabbed your black and white onyx cue stick and shut the compartment.

“Ladies first,” he said with a sweep of his hand toward the perfectly arranged object balls. You stepped up to the table and took the cue ball he offered you. You set it down and lined up your shot before putting your cue stick down and balancing on the bridge. You took the shot and the object balls scattered, you just so happened to knock in the solid bright red ball, your lucky number; three. All of the boys gasped and looked between you and the pocket you just made the ball into. You smiled and bowed mockingly as Jongho made his way over to the soju shots. He grabbed one and downed it. 

You smirked at him and moved around the table toward the next ball you could possibly make in. You spotted the opportunity with the solid dark red ball. It was situated close enough to the pocket that you could just tip it in if you rebounded the yellow ball against it. You leaned over the side of the table and looked to line up the shot. You pulled back the cue stick and let the cue ball fly. It worked just as you hoped it would, but it did put you in a bad position. The cue ball was surrounded by striped object balls. You watched as Jongho took another shot. His face was getting a little more of a red tint to it. You moved around the table and positioned yourself to make sure your shot would leave him with terrible positions. Balancing out again you knocked into his stripes and the two of them scattered to opposite sides of the table while the cue ball spun out into the middle. He was watching you carefully and you shrugged at him with an innocent smile. 

You made your way to Hongjoong and Yeosang and reached behind them to grab your mudslide. Hongjoong slipped his arm around your waist and Yeosang rested his head on your shoulder. The three of you watched as Jongho figured out his best plan of attack. You took a sip of your drink and watched as He managed to knock in one of his stripes. Hongjoong reached over to the tray of shots and grabbed one. He set it against your lips and you tipped your head back taking in the bitter liquid. You smiled bashfully at him as he set it back down like nothing had just happened. Someone was smacking someone else behind you and figured it was Aurora doing the smacking to either Meadow, Willow or both. You watched as Jongho conferred with Yunho who was sipping on his drink on one of the bar stools, he was almost as tall as Jongho even while sitting. Yunho nodded at Jongho as he moved to the opposite end and lined up his shot. You could see what he was doing, it was going to be a tricky shot because he was leaning over most of the table and because it required precision strength. Wooyoung landed a light smack to his ass in encouragement. Jongho looked over his shoulder with a glare as San had enough common sense to drag Woo away from Jongho. You snickered and took another sip of your drink to cover your laughter. He realigned his shot and let his strength propel him to make the shot across the pool table. Alas, his strength was too much this time. The ball he was aiming for had ricocheted off the corners and ended up in the opposite corner he was aiming for. 

You handed Hongjoong your drink, stepped up to the table again and looked over the remaining balls. You had five remaining not counting the eight ball; he had six. You lined up your shots and watched as the blue one went into the pocket, it may not have been the one you were going for but you would take it.  You watched as Hongjoong handed him another shot. Jongho probably was getting tired of you at this point. 

You looked around and mentally took a tally of which shot would be best for you right now. You moved to the opposite corner and leaned over the table to shoot the cue ball across the table like Jongho had. You hit it lightly and it moved a little slow. You watched with bated breath as it approached the yellow ball. You hoped that your hit wasn't too forceful to knock both of them in. They clinked together and you let out a loud noise of accomplishment as the yellow ball fell in but not the cue ball. Hongjoong and your team applauded you and the rest of the boys stood there staring at you in shock. This time you approached the shots and grabbed one. You bowed and presented it to Jongho over your head, just to possibly piss him off. You felt him take it from you, you looked up at him through your lashes. He was definitely feeling it a little more. His eyes were almost dazed as he looked at you. You stood up to your full height and patted him on the head before walking back to the table. 

You decided to give him a chance to catch up. You knocked the cue ball into one of his striped ones that was right next to your solid. He stepped up to the table and seemed to be internally debating his next shot. You grabbed your drink from Hongjoong and took another large drink, it was getting a little melty. You felt the boys resume their previous spots, Hongjoong pressed a kiss to your temple, his lips were slightly cold. You caught a faint whiff of something that smelled strangely like your mudslide. Looking down at the drink it seemed like it was marginally lower than you would think it was. You looked back to him and he was smiling at you already. You raised your eyebrows at him and his grin got bigger. 

“It's really good, can you blame me?” He whispered to you. 

“No, I can't blame you,” you chuckled. “I could show you how to make one sometime soon if you want, I know Sangie would love it.” He picked up his head from your shoulder at the mention of his nickname and smiled tiredly at you. 

“Hi, Sweets, are you getting tired?” You brushed your fingers through his hair and he leaned into you. He nodded against your hand and returned his head to your shoulder. You waved San over and had Yeosang lean on him instead because you knew you would be moving again. Jongho had made his dark red striped ball in. You turned to grab a shot and winked at him before downing it. You had a fairly decent alcohol tolerance so you were just barely at the edge of between tipsy and drunk, you also had a lot less than the others surrounding you. You watched as he lined up another shot and let the cue ball fly to the opposite corner but instead of knocking his in, which was right next to one of yours, he knocked your purple solid in. You laughed at the irony, his purple betrayed him. Most of the boys behind him groaned at the shot. He let out a sigh and made his way over to the tray, at least he was abiding by the rules. You smiled sickly sweet at him and he rolled his eyes at you, you could just barely see the smile hidden behind the glass as he downed the shot. 

You sat your drink down and stepped away from Hongjoong. You turned to look at Yeosang and San who were wrapped around each other watching you with half closed eyes. Turning toward the table you assessed your chances of winning this right now. Jongho’s shot had put you in a pretty good position; maybe it was time to put on a show. You lined up your first shot; the green ball went into the pocket without a hitch. You celebrated and watched Jongho take another shot. 

“You may as well finish the last couple, she has you in the corner Jongho.” He turned to look at Rowan who spoke up from behind Willow. You smirked at him, he knew all too well how easy it was to lose to you. If you remembered correctly, out of all the games you played against him he maybe won a total of ten times out of the almost fifty you played. 

“Nobody puts baby in the corner.” you heard San mutter under his breath. You laughed loudly and so did Aurora and Willow. Dirty Dancing was one of Willow’s favorite movies, she could almost recite it word for word at this point. It was your go to movie for wine drunk girls nights. Once you recovered you turned back to the table and looked at the two remaining object balls you needed to knock in to win. All that was left was the orange ball and the black ball. 

Turning to Hongjoong you sent him a wink and lined up the shot behind your back. The orange ball just so happened to be close to one of the pockets and all by its lonesome. You checked yourself before shooting the shot. You didn't even have to turn around to know you made it. The boys behind you erupted into flabbergasted chatter. Hongjoong smirked at you, giving you a slight nod. You looked at Jongho who had his jaw almost hanging down to the floor. Making your way over to the tray you grabbed a shot and handed it to him. 

“Drink up, Aegiya” (baby) He looked up at you wide eyed and you watched the gears start turning in his brain as he processed the nickname, it was one that most of the boys used on him; and now by extension you. He gently took the drink from you and downed it keeping eye contact with you. His face was just about as red as San’s at this point. You smiled at him and walked back to the pool table. Looking at the black ball you knew this one was going to be more of a challenge. It was close to one of the pockets but it was almost completely surrounded by Jongho’s stripes. You debated a minute before you decided to pull out your bag of tricks. You handed Hongjoong your cue stick and walked over to the wall, everyone was watching you with curiosity as you plucked one of the shorter ones that had a different tip on it.

Forrest let out a dark chuckle, he knew what you were up to. Most of your team followed him. You leaned on the table angeling it so you could be straight on with the black ball. Most of your weight was leaned on your front hand and front foot. You tilted the cue stick at a forty-five degree angle and aimed for the top half of the ball. 

“Far corner pocket,” you called out. 

“There's no way,” you heard Mingi mutter under his breath to Yunho who was nodding. You snickered before taking a deep breath and smacking into the top half of the cue ball. You watched as it hopped over Jongho’s object balls and hit the eight ball. Holding your breath you watched the cue ball ricochet away from the black ball. Everyone started basically screaming as the eight ball went in. You laughed at Jongho’s shocked expression. Your team and their partners were laughing their asses off at the eight men. A pair of arms wrapped themselves around you, turning your head and you looked up at Seonghwa. He was grinning like a madman. 

“Thank you for defending my honor,” he murmured to you. Another round of laughter came from you and Hongjoong. You patted his arm and looked at Jongho who was still staring at the pool table. 

“Don't forget your celebratory shot little bear,” you teased. He looked at you and exaggeratedly rolled his eyes. He grabbed a shot from the tray and downed it. You smiled at him tilting your head. 

“Remind me to never play pool against her,” you heard Yunho mutter. Mingi laughed and wrapped himself around Yunho.

“Alright, after that riveting pool match I think it is time that we head home," Aurora sounded from where your team had situated themselves. Her and Meadow were standing together and you could tell that Meadow was tired. You nodded at the two of them. 

“I would give you a hug but currently someone is taking all of them.” You looked at the shoulder Seonghwa was leaning on. He had a lazy smile on his face and shrugged. The couple chuckled at you and waved. 

“Let me know when you get home, that goes for all of you.” You looked pointedly in Forrest’s direction. He held his hands up mocking surrender. 

“You forget one time and suddenly the world is ending” he muttered.

“You could have been on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere out here almost an hour away from your place, I don't want to hear it,” you argued back. Forrest looked to Asher who was nodding along with your words with a cheshire grin. He rolled his eyes at the two of you and started walking toward the stairs with a small pout on his face. You waved to Asher and Forrest as they disappeared up the stairs. 

“Thank you for hosting us N/n (nickname) we had a lot of fun.” You looked at Rowan, ever the gentleman. 

“It was my pleasure, we need to start doing this more often again, I missed it.” 

“Agreed,” Willow and Rowan said in unison. They both looked at eachother and burst into a fit of giggles. They were so cute together. 

“Drive safe, I'll see you both soon.” They both nodded and headed upstairs. You heard the door close and you turned to the eight men remaining. They all looked like the alcohol was taking its sleepy effect. 

“Okay boys, let's get you all situated.” You looked to Hongjoong for help. He nodded at you and smiled, he gently helped separate Seonghwa from you. You watched as he took gentle care of him and started leading him toward the stairs. Most of the boys followed them and you were the last one up the stairs. You shut off the lights and smiled at the memories you created tonight. Some of the boys had stumbled to their bags and grabbed them. You watched with amusement as they tried to figure out which one was which. 

“You can take your pick of rooms upstairs," you said as you walked around the house to turn off some of the other lights. Making sure all of them made it upstairs you followed shortly after. As you got up the stairs you saw Mingi and Yunho taking over the forest green room, Wooyoung and San in the plum room and you turned to see Yeosang and Jongho in the maroon room. You smiled to yourself at how well you knew them; your boyfriends. Once you were satisfied everyone was settled you made your way to your room to see Seonghwa and Hongjoong sitting on your bed petting the giants. You smiled at the sight. 

“Hi loves,” you said as you entered the room. Both of them looked at you with wide eyes and smiles. Hongjoong got up and approached you with a sweet smile.

“I still can't believe you're ours.” He tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear. Seonghwa made a weird noise between a squeak and a choke. Both of you looked at him with concern. Hearing that seemed to sober him up a bit.

“You're ours?” He asked quietly looking up at you. You nodded with a large smile. He got up on wobbly legs and hugged the both of you. Hongjoong laughed as he was squished against the two of you. “I'm so happy you accepted, yeobo” (Darling). You could feel your smile get wider. 

“Me too, my star” he pulled himself away from the two of you and planted a hesitant kiss on your cheek. 

“I would like to kiss you, but I want to wait until I am sober," he muttered. You lightly laughed at him while grabbing his hand. 

“I would love that, and I agree that needs to happen when you are sober, then you can have all the kisses.” he made a small celebratory motion and Hongjoong let out a snort at the elder man. 

“Come on, let's get to bed,” Hongjoong gently put his hand on Seonghwa’s back. You nodded and let go of Hwa’s hand, stepping away and going to your closet to change so they could have a little privacy. You grabbed your moon child shirt and matching shorts. Taking off Seonghwa’s overshirt you gently set it on your vanity. You got situated and knocked on the door to make sure it was safe for you to come out. You giggled at the little bit of irony in what you were doing.

You heard Hongjoong respond that you were safe to come out. Stepping out you saw both of your boyfriends on the bed facing each other. You got into the bed behind Hongjoong who was now in the middle. The giants moved around and settled themselves up close to the three of you. Hongjoong had turned around to face you and you watched as Seonghwa hugged him from behind. Hongjoong reached out to you and laid his hand on your cheek. You closed your eyes as he started running his thumb back and forth on your cheekbone. You felt a small peck to your lips and you smiled at him as he pulled away. 

“Goodnight Nae Sarang” (My Love) he muttered

“Goodnight Songbird, I love you. I am happy to be yours and I can't wait to tell the rest of the boys.”

“We love you too, I can't wait either.” He responded with a quiet voice and small smile, his eyes were half closed already. You took off your glasses and set them on the shelf you had next to your bed. Crawling into the bed you cuddled up closer to him and you felt his arm wrap around your waist as he tucked you under his chin. Seonghwa’s hand came to rest just above Hongjoong’s. You listened to their breath even out and let their rhythm lull you into sleep. 

★☆☽ Timeskip ☾☆★

PIano music haunted your dreams. You watched as your Granny played the piano in front of hundreds of people. Her face had long since begun to fade from your memory, but you knew it was her. Every stroke, every note echoed across the large theater. People were watching with still silence as she played. It was her last show before she retired. When she finished the last note of one of the first songs she wrote everyone rose. It was a standing ovation, your grandpa, mother, and aunt were all standing beside you applauding loudly. Many people threw roses onto the stage. 

You suddenly startled awake, you could feel the tears running down your face, again with the crying today; for fucks sake. Hongjoong and Seonghwa were spooned together and you were still tucked under Hongjoong’s chin. Not wanting to risk waking them up you lightly took both of their hands off of you and scooted off the bed as best you could. Toothless had positioned himself across your back but got up as soon as you started moving. You got up and looked down at the boys on your bed. You wished they could have met your Granny. 

You grabbed your glasses and made your way downstairs to grab yourself a glass of cool water. Something rubbed against your calf and you looked down to see Toothless. He was rubbing himself across you and circling to anything he could reach. You stuck your hand out and he headbutted it and rubbed his entire body against you. He had always known when you were troubled, and generally the other two were not too far behind. You looked up from petting Toothless as soon as you heard a half meow. Beans had always been chatty even when she didn't quite have her morning voice yet. Mocha was silently following her. They both approached you and Toothless rubbed himself against Mocha, much like they used to do when they were little. You smiled at them and wished your Granny could have met them too. She would have absolutely loved them, your poor Papa was allergic to dogs so they opted for cats instead. You grew up around cats at their house, it was a bonus that your father couldn't come over. She would have loved how big and affectionate they were. 

After giving some love to all three of them you set your glass in the sink. Instead of returning to bed you opted to go downstairs. Making your way to the stairs the giants almost toppled you over as they rushed to beat you down. You turned on the lights and went to the right into the second dining room. While walking to your destination you paused to look at the beautiful white plates that had silver designs; your Granny’s fine china. Yet another thing that she left you after her death. You made your way to the door in the back corner. Taking a deep breath you pushed open the door and flicked on the light. The layer of dust was scattered around as you walked into the room you had not been in for almost a year. 

You took in the wood paneled room, it hadn’t changed. Turning to the side you looked at the large deep green couch. Beans had gotten up on it and was sitting there staring at you. Turning back to look at the majority of the room,  it was littered with pictures of your family; every one of them was of your mother’s side. You looked at how happy you were all those years ago. Under the facade you knew you were going through some of the hardest moments of your life; but they had always been your light in the darkness. Your Granny and you were the star of most of the pictures littered about, she had been your favorite person. 

Walking farther into the room you grabbed the picture that sat on top of the piano on the left. It was a selfie of you and her at her last performance. The both of you were wearing formal dresses and grinning like madmen. She was the reason you are who you are today, her sarcasm and quick witted replies had always stuck with you. Her teasing nature was something that annoyed most people but you absolutely loved it. She loved to play pranks on your Papa and was delighted when you first showed her some on tiktok. The memory of this day came to the forefront of your mind. 

“I would like to dedicate this final show to my family. Tommy, you have been the best support and husband I could have asked for. Thank you for listening to me drill these songs nonstop for the last sixty years, I love you.” She was smiling at your Papa. You turned to your right to look at him and you could see the love in his eyes as he gazed up at her. She turned slightly to address your mom and aunt who were on the other side of you.

“Cadence and Melody, thank you for watching your old mom perform and giving me a reason to keep doing this, you both inspired me to continue doing what I love and for that I am eternally grateful, I love you both–  Y/n,” she turned to look at you. You watched as her grin faltered and tears started to well in her beautiful light blue eyes. 

“My muse, I love you so much. Thank you for allowing me to teach you, thank you for taking an interest in one of the most precious things to me. I know you don't want to follow in my footsteps but I hope you keep playing as you move on to your next adventure. You are the reason I wrote this final song.” 

You could still hear the faint melody of the sweet song she played for you. It was the first and only time it debuted. Before you could stop yourself you set the picture down gently and stepped in front of one of the two pianos. Her piano. The one you got when you got here was parallel to you, but you had a soft spot for this one. You had so many memories attached to this particular piano. She taught you everything she knew with this piano. You flourished your hands behind you at nothing and sat at the bench. Pulling away the key cover you dusted off the ivory keys the best you could.

You sat there with your hands on the keys without pressing any of them down. The memories came rolling back. She agreed the first time you asked her to teach you; she was over the moon that her only grandchild was taking an interest in her passion. You remembered sitting next to her while she showed you your first notes over fifteen years ago. The laughter you both shared and the applause as you finished a song in front of your family. You remembered the silly parts of sitting on this bench too. She had always flourished either her dress or air if there was nothing there before she sat down. It was a habit you picked up from her and you hadn't let go of it since. That was the childhood you deserved, not the shitty one you were forced into by your wretched father. 

You flexed your fingers to test to see if it was in tune, the first note rang and it was just slightly out. It would be good enough for playing. You took a deep breath and steadied yourself. You began the first notes of the first movement of Moonlight Sonata. Your Granny loved this song. You let the melancholy sounding music take over. Closing your eyes you played it by muscle memory, it was the first song she taught you. You felt the tears well up in your eyes and before you could stop them they were rolling down your face like raindrops on a window. You let out a shuddering breath and continued playing, your eyes never opened and the tears never ceased. 

In the quiet of the night was always when you liked to play. You didn't have to worry about people judging you or the noise of everything that was awake during the day. It was just peaceful in the dark corners of the night. You continued for a few minutes before you heard a shuffle by the door. Assuming it was the giants you kept playing. You heard footsteps approaching you on the carpet, opening your eyes, you turned around and you saw Seonghwa. His eyes were squinted at you and at the intrusion of the lights. His hair was a mess from where he had previously been laying on one of your pillows.

“You play beautifully. I didn't even know you played.” He shuffled over to you and sat close to you on the small seat you had next to the bench so someone could watch you play. He reached out and wiped away some of the tears on your face. You leaned into his touch as he cupped your cheek gently. “What’s wrong, my moon?” You closed your eyes at the nickname, you felt the tears start to fall again just slightly quicker this time. The thought flickered across your mind that she sent him to you, that she sent them all to you. 

“I haven't played in over a year–” you rasped. “–I haven't played since my Granny died. The first time I played since she passed was earlier today when Jongho was doing his conductor part– and the only reason I did was to get Aurora to stop bugging me about playing– she didn't even know I haven't played since she died..” 

He pulled you off of the piano seat and into his lap, you put your head on his chest and continued to cry. “I miss her so much Hwa–” you clutched his clothing”–I miss her so, so much. I wish she was here to see how far I have come, how much I have improved and learned. I wish she could have met you and the rest of the boys. I wish she could have met my best friends, the only ones I had outside of her. Every single one of you would have loved her. I miss her Hwa– I miss her so bad…” 

He clutched you tighter to his chest as you wept. He started to comb his fingers through your hair as he looked around the room. The first thing he saw was a picture of you and what he assumed to be your Granny on the piano. The next one he saw was of a piano with three sets of hands on it, two sets were from adults, the other set was from a child. His gaze caught on the picture in the center of the collage on the wall closest to the piano, that must have been them, the couple in the center of the photo were looking at each other with such love. He returned to look at the one on the top of the piano, it must have meant a lot if it was the only one there. “Is that her?” he asked you quietly. You picked up your head from his chest and followed his gaze.

“Yeah, it's the last picture I have of us together before I left for Korea when I was twenty. It was also her final show, she dedicated a song she wrote to me that night.” you looked back to him and he was looking at you with such care. You smiled at him with a watery smile, he returned the gesture before wiping the tears off your cheeks again. 

“If she is anything like you, I know I would have loved her.”

Your smile got wider, “She was a mischief maker a lot like Wooyo–” You wiped some more tears from your eyes, “–she absolutely loved poking fun at people.” you let out a watery chuckle. “In fact, one of my favorite memories was when I was little and we scared the absolute shit out of my mother by hiding around the house when she came to pick me up to go home. We hid and evaded my mother for almost twenty minutes. Just as she was about to give up, both of us jumped out at her. I had never heard her scream so loudly and jump so high. All of us burst into uncontrollable laughter after and my mom let me stay the night that night, just for the hell of it. The three of us ended up having a sleepover and eating tons of snacks and falling asleep on a couch very similar to the one in the corner.” you watched as he gazed at the large couch settled in the corner of the room directly to the right of the door. 

“She sounds wonderful.” you nodded at him and leaned to rest your head on his shoulder. 

“She really was.” you trailed off. The two of you sat there in silence for a couple of minutes just basking in eachother’s warmth. You turned and looked back at the piano. Scooting to get out of Seonghwa’s hold you moved to the bench and stretched out to the keys to begin playing again. This time you played one of your favorites; Clair de Lune. Once you fell into the familiar rhythm you let your muscle memory take over again. You didn't miss a beat of the hauntingly beautiful melody while you looked over to Seonghwa. He was resting his elbow on his crossed legs and his chin was in his hand. He was watching your hands as they danced across the keys. You smiled at how entranced he was before turning back to focus on the song. The melody flowed throughout the room and echoed slightly off the wooden paneled walls. You could feel the vibrations through your fingers and you let them calm you. You noticed your heartbeat wasn't in your throat like it had been earlier today. Your hands felt more sure of themselves as they glided across the keys. The grief, while never gone, had made itself smaller. You swayed with the music and let the final chords ring throughout the room before letting the petals go. 

Senghwa immediately swept you up and off of the bench. You laughed at the sudden attack but stilled as you realized he was looking down at you. His eyes were swimming with adoration, he was so close you could see the variations of color in his dark eyes. You let your eyes flicker to take in the rest of his bare face this close. His skin was so smooth and his smile was perfect. His lips were a light shade of red like he had been worrying them through his teeth. You looked back to his eyes and watched the realization of the situation you were in settle into his mind. 

He leaned in slowly and pressed his plump lips against yours. You were initially stiff but immediately relaxed into his gentle hold as your eyes fluttered closed. As soon as you started kissing him back he pulled you as close to him as you could get. You brought your arms up and placed your hands on his cheeks letting your thumbs run across them. His hands smoothed over your back and you felt a shiver roll through you at the light touch of his skin where your top rode up just slightly. His hands were warm as he moved the shirt upward just a little, it was an intimate gesture; a gentle caress. His thumbs started rubbing softly at the base of your spine. You let your hands travel over his cheeks and settle at the back of his neck where you played with the long strands of his hair. He pulled away from you and your eyes fluttered open. He let out a small content sigh, his eyes didn't open as he leaned his forehead against yours. 

You rested there for what only felt like seconds before a yawn escaped you. He opened his eyes and looked into yours. You both were smiling at eachother. Before you could do anything else a yawn escaped him too. You chuckled at him and pulled him to you in a quick hug. He rested himself against you briefly before you separated from him. He let out a small whine and pouted at you. You tilted your head at him with a small smile

“Come on my star, let's go back to bed.” You grabbed his hand and interlaced your fingers with his before making your way out of the room. The giants followed shortly behind as you turned off the light. The two of you quietly made your way up the stairs and went to your room. Hongjoong was cuddled up in the center of the bed in a large cocoon of blankets. Both of you let out huffs of laughter and took your respective spots on the bed. Before you laid on the bed you took your glasses off and set them on the shelf again. Hongjoong’s body subconsciously reacted to Seonghwa joining him; he had just barely scooted closer to the taller man’s form. Seonghwa gently grabbed him and pulled him forward to his chest to tuck him under his chin. Once he was settled you scooted in behind Hongjoong. You felt Seonghwa’s hand lightly searching for something. You grabbed his hand and he immediately settled. Cuddling farther into the back of Hongjoong’s neck you fell asleep.

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★

Next Chapter (Chapter 17 Coming Soon)

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[theoneandonlylobster]

That's true. I do think it could be worked out though. For one thing, Ozai's loss of bending could be a pretty big blow to his own "divine right." So both men are going to be on shaky ground for her initially. Of course, Ozai has the advantage that she's predisposed to follow him due to their history, but no doubt he's heard about the breakdown, and if there's one thing Ozai abhors, it's "weakness." So he might not even want her. Which leaves her with Zuko by default, who also probably doesn't even want her, but who is dating Mai and who has Ty Lee on his security team, and I don't think the comics depict the way they would respond to her post-war accurately at all. They would still be fairly loyal to her. They were more pissed off at her having overstepped the proper boundaries of their friendship (no killing each other) but years and years of friendship and love and loyalty do not disintegrate in an instant. So, if anything, the catalyst for Zuko to have said complex growth would probably come from the other two Dangerous Ladies, particularly Mai, who I'm sure would get fed up with his dumb ass pretty quickly if he didn't.

Especially if Ursa waltzed in out of nowhere to support her ex-husband and he took the opportunity for what it was (she's certainly not a disgraceful weakling, after all, she slew his father) because now the Fire sibs are going to have to come together against not one but both parents.

I would love to have a story where Ursa, as a good Fire Imperialist, is so ideologically opposed to Firelord Zuko’s regime that she becomes the antagonist despite her connection to him.

[elusivemusings]

Caleb and Older! M/C HCs

What if MC was the older between the two ? How would that affect the dynamic ?

This is all over the place but hope people enjoy ? I also haven't read of his Myths, so forgive me if there's odd details.

Fem!MC x Caleb

Childhood : Squabbles and Assert for Dominance?

It was a thorn in Caleb's side since childhood: He wanted to be the bigger, older protective brother after meeting MC but came to find out that she was actually older than him.

I feel like even as young as he was, he had the deep desire to be the stronger protector. He may have not realized what the emotions are or why, but they were there.

He was startled hearing this small girl quietly ask him to call her "big sister" (jiejie/noona/oneechan).

He thought she was joking until Grandma confirmed it.

It didn't stop him from trying though. And MC would always butt heads with him on it.

"I'm the older one, let me do it!" "Nuh-uh, you're still a shrimp, so I should do it!"

MC was smaller and shorter for a little bit but as they both grew, they probably were the same height and build for a little bit, which made their spats even more dumb honestly.

"You can't use the excuse I'm smaller now! We are the same height!" "Nuh-uh and plus....you're a girl, girls shouldn't do this!" "CALEB YOURE SO STUPID."

Caleb is indeed really stupid because he can't use words and this would result in them fighting involving fists too. The house did not know peace.

They still care and love one another obviously.

Despite the squabbles they're connected at the hip, almost doing everything together. Natural is the definition of the interactions.

MC probably took the role of older sibling very seriously though and fretted over Caleb when he came back home in scratches and fights.

MC would have a med kit ready to help treat things and would gently scold him for dumb behavior while treating him.

He would honestly probably realize his crush on MC at one of these points because he's just embarrassed to be seen like a wimp and doesn't like being treated like a younger brother by her.

But he doesn't complain because even though he wouldn't admit it openly, he likes the physical contact with MC.

He'll suck up being treated like the younger brother a little bit just because he likes her touching his face gently, putting a bandaid on his arm, and holding his hand guiding him around.

Yes, even as a kid he knew.

He would go to MC several times in the middle of the night with the notion he had a nightmare and didn't want to sleep alone.

So MC would let him share the bed. She would quickly drift to sleep while hugging him, but he would be wide awake listening to her breathing and holding her tightly.

During those moments he would come up with a new dream:He would do everything he can to become bigger, better, and stronger and make MC see him differently.

Teenage Years: Growth Spurts, Comedy and Fantasies

Caleb is absolutely delighted when he realizes he's outgrowing MC height wise.

She's exasperated as he takes every opportunity to straighten his back to just make himself a little bit taller next to MC.

She thinks he's doing it to intentionally get a rise out of her, which, he is but also he's realizing he can start on working on his secret dream.

This is how the Pipsqueak nickname probably started LOL.

She still insists on being treated with respect but he ignores it conveniently.

MC is tragically baby faced and would not grow as rapidly or as tall as Caleb, tragically, and to her own internal exasperation.

The pain in her soul and the pride in his when they go to the store and assume HE'S the older brother.

"Now remember, little miss, eat your vegetables and you'll grow as tall as your older brother there." "......thank you."

MC would probably make him squat down so she could ruffle his hair.

She tries very hard to compensate and would start becoming more fiercely independent and self reliant as a result. (Which would lead to the habits of MC we know as an adult).

She would find her own way to learn to be a better older sibling and learn to stand more on her own, not going to Caleb's side as much.

While Caleb would be silently disappointed by less time with each other, he would take the opportunity to become a more proper "man" at least in his weird mind. (getting better at cooking, being more physically active to build a stronger physique, etc.)

She would think he's rubbing in how much better he is at everything when in reality he's trying to show her how dependable and reliable he is.

It's a bit of a one side prickly relationship as MC misinterprets the hell out of everything Caleb is trying to prove LOL.

Caleb's emotions are going into overdrive at this point: the protective obsessive instinct is going insane, the more he outgrows MC and he notices their difference in build, the more he realizes he just wants to protect her and shield her from the world.

He throws all notion of family out of the window but he keeps up the pretense to not rock the boat and not scare away MC.

Every physical contact, interaction, affection would burn this man's skin though. He is STARVED but is hiding it.

He would play the younger sibling card to see how far he could go though. It is comically terrible.

"MC-, I need help getting to bed." "Caleb, you are like pure muscle, not even sick, and a whole whopping 6', HOW WOULD I GET YOU TO BED." "Oh no, gravity is pushing me down." "CALEB YOUR EVOL IS GRAVITY MANIPULATION, YOURE SO FULL OF IT"

During more quiet moments, Caleb probably would lean into MC literally. Like, if they were on the couch, he would lean his head onto her shoulder no matter how gangly and awkward it is for him.

MC would gently pat his head and he would stay forever if he could.

Of course, MC is starting to grow herself and is blossoming into a lovely young woman. And it just intensifies Caleb's emotions and realizations of his feelings for MC.

Other girls? What's that, Caleb can't see any other girl but MC, who occupies his mind a little more than just a little bit.

HYPOTHETICALLY the type that if he has a date, and MC called, he'd drop everything to go see/help MC.

(Bold of y'all to assume he got a date to begin with. Why go on a date when he could be at home and have dinner with his precious MC?)

This boy was peak delulu and honestly fantasized domestic situations seeing MC standing in the kitchen trying to learn to cook or helping Grandma cleanup.

All while he's still trying play house and the appropriate role that was crafted while pushing the boundaries honestly.

Hormones are a nightmare. Innocuous touches and contact makes him go insane. One time MC leaned over him to grab something and he could just feel his body heat up for the rest of the day.

Adult Years : Fragile Reckoning

Caleb is forced to reckon with the fact they're adults and he can't keep pretending they're kids or go back to the good old days y'know ?

Lord knows he's clinging onto it though. It's the only really nice thing in his life honestly. :(

He's literally so exhausted in his quest to build the perfect life for him and MC and he still is trying so hard to be seen as reliable and strong.

It's really this time MC finally can step in and show him the reality of things.

"Caleb. Enough. We are going home."

"Home.......it's not ready yet. There's still so much that needs to be done."

"CALEB. WE ARE GOING H O M E. We have lost so much time as it is. Are you seriously going to keep missing out on life and time with one another for your stupid idealistic bullshit ???? ......We can't go home.....but we can make a new one, as long as we are alive and together, there is always home for the both of us."

And it's really now he kind of looks at the situation, he looks at MC not as someone he needs to protect but someone he can really finally just lean on.

Somewhere along the way his innocent wish morphed into something more insidious in nature, the more desperate he was to cling to the one good thing in his life after everything he subjected himself to for the sake of his ideal.

In that moment, he flashbacks to all their childhood memories, from first seeing her, bickering, fighting and laughing with her. He remembers fondly their childhood innocence and laughter, the crinkle of her eyes, the excitement in them, the fond and reassuring gestures she gave him, how she called his name when she gently would pat his head, how she held him in the small moments he finally admitted he was scared.

And then he finally sees her. The woman he loved for all these years, her eyes a bit worn, with dark circles, a bit aged but full of life and concern for him just the same as they were children.

And he just......collapses. He's overcome with so many emotions. He just wants to go home. He wants to be held and comforted by the person he loves the most. He's the one who really wants and needs the quiet home away from everything again.

Life sure became more complicated as they became adults. It started so sincere but by the time he realized he took off more than he could chew, it was too late for him.

MC knew she was gambling with a fragile man's mental state and practically melts and sighs in relief when he finally decides to let down his barrier and trust her.

She holds him tightly, silently reassuring the man she was real and there. She buries her face into his shoulder as he grips her tightly, silent sobs overcoming him.

They don't know what's in store for them, but they at least remember they have their home again.

[roi-des-aulnes]

OK, a little disorganised rant below but I had to get it out of my system :

I hated season 4. We had to suffer a whole year of messy plot lines, the characters pulled in too many directions and still doing fuck all because they keep having the same sentimental (and sometimes, frankly corny) conversation over and over again. And the side characters were disappointing. I saw the positive reactions to the Butcher, Noel and Oscar, and I understand. It was refreshing to have other human beings that were going to be more fleshed out than #Dead Body n°3 or # Mad Old Woman n°273849. But that didn't really happen in the end. The butcher felt like a caricature of a villain in a CW tv show, and don't get me started on his "redemption". The finale episodes were just. Bad. I was audibly sighing with annoyance during the big fight between John and Yellow which was way too cliché. The big Larson machine thing went nowhere, and I feel like the Kayne scene was just a lazy solution for getting rid of all the loose ends all at once because HG felt stuck at that point and didn't know how to end the arc.

Anyway. All of this just to say, I felt like season 5 was a good opportunity to shake things up by changing the setting, giving Jarthur completely new challenges, maybe it would let them explore that new aspect of their relationship they talked about in the first episode, idk. Instead we got a John recap episode, whatever the fuck Malam was, the useless Horig disease, the Agatha Christie medieval plot ... when Everard introduced Alia, Antoine and Vale, i remember thinking "why are we losing time on this, they'll most likely be dead and discarded soon".

What's worse is that it's getting more and more difficult to remember that John is more than a disembodied voice narrating whatever is happening. Occasionally he says "yes Arthur !" or "careful Arthur" but that's about it. OK then. I thought he wanted to stop feeling like a voice trapped in another man's body. Didn't they discuss it at length before ?

Oh and I don't care about Lillith. I've tried, but maybe it would have been easier to make her more interesting if her and Scratch were different characters? Idk. They beat Scratch once they can do it again + Arthur Just Doesn't Die so why should we care ? As far as I can see she's not a threat, just a nuisance.

And I'm not even gonna talk about the Faroe thing but that's yet another one of my main problems with this podcast lately. Basically, throughout the show I went from "aww no poor him he has a dead daughter :(" to "oh of course he's still grieving" and eventually to "OK can he maybe let her die for real actually ? Instead of waving her dead body around every time Arthur is inconvenienced so he can cry about it?"

What's maddening to me is that there is still potential. The sound design is great, I loved the eerie music in the forest episode. And I can see that HG has ideas, or pieces of ideas at least. There are characters that you want to get invested into. But I feel that the main character is getting less and less compatible with them, and so most of those ideas end up botched and lesser versions of what could have been.

[casuallyanidiot]

Idk why but I’d probably b more of a “morally gray” reader when it comes to dealing with Danny

If my parents treated me as they did in the story I’d cut ties completely with no remorse lookin back. I’d tell Danny to cut off support to them completely and let them rot

It’d b interesting in general if in a AU reader knew that Danny wanted her and let him have her while feigning the innocent act. Maybe in the AU reader was indeed the one who was alright with the baby trapping as it’d secure her ticket out of poverty. Just a morally gray character all around

Morally Gray!Reader would probably have started to plan her exit from her family's farm for a while. I mean, their parents are pretty neglectful and borderline cruel most of the time. Plus Danny's been stalking her for quite some time in the original story, and I think that if the reader wanted to take advantage of that, then Danny would definitely encourage it, but he'd probably try to twist things into his favor.

I said in a previous ask that part of why Danny loves the reader so much is because he fantasized about taking her away from a life of poverty, and I think he'd be really delighted to actually have her play into that. That's still to say, he'd try and twist the situation so that he still had the power. He's obsessed with making sure that the reader doesn't leave him, hence the baby trapping. I think even if she agreed, he'd still try to scheme to have the upper hand on her. After all, if they got out of an impossible situation once, who's to say they wouldn't try to get away from him.

I think if Morally Gray!Reader was actually going to use Danny as an opportunity to get off the farm, she would've agreed to marry him while they were in the barn. Like maybe she explained that she hates her family and doesn't want to see them, or maybe she even lies and says she feels similar to Daniel. Either way, Morally Gray!Reader would strike a deal with the golden boy. She'd marry him, and he'd get her the hell out of there.

I think he'd still end up baby trapping her for good measure, but she'd be fine as long as she'd have nothing to do with her awful family or the community who rejected her at every turn. Again, Danny would probably be delighted with this.

I think actually this would probably be the best relationship that they could be in. Morally Gray!Reader and the Yandere farmboy who constantly manipulate, lie, isolate and try to get the upper hand on each other so they can both get what they want. In comparison to the original reader, that'd actually be a bit healthier lmao

[pushing500]

As if we would go anywhere without our loyal android. Alistair is coming, and... I think he's probably happy about it in his own way. Perhaps seeing the majesty of the first Archonexus structure will be the catalyst for his awakening? Who knows?

That does leave us with one last choice to make. I think this one is the one I'm most unsure about the result of. I had a pretty good idea where the other three were going, but this one could be the wild card. Let's find out!

For the very last time, here are our options...

Why should we bring Tokori?

- He has an expertise in first aid, which will likely be an essential skill in setting up a new colony

- If his medical skill doesn't work, he can also raise the dead (nine more times, at least. Then he's out of fingers to sacrifice.)

- He's got a detoxifier lung and a detoxifier kidney, which could both be useful for dealing with pollution in our new colony

- We only just met him, so it will be a good opportunity to get to know him more

- He's a delight to draw and still has both his natural eyes so I can have fun drawing them

Why should we leave Tokori behind?

- We only just met him, so we wouldn't miss him as much as some of the others

- Mechi and Kwahu are both accomplished doctors, so we don't really need a third one

- It would feel really bad to leave Lansa all on his own at Sparks

- He would be sad if we didn't get plumbing and a bathtub set up ASAP

- Addiction to coffee in more than one person may be difficult to keep in check while we set up a new colony

- Seeing the same face drawn over and over again will surely become tedious eventually, right?

Why should we bring Lansa?

- He's still getting used to being alive and needs someone responsible to keep an eye on him

- He's got untapped psycaster potential that we still need to explore

- He is the only Jones boy NOT addicted to coffee so we don't have to facilitate that in a new colony

- He's a delight to draw

Why should we leave Lansa behind?

- He's grumpy and rude and dislikes most of the other colonists already

- He hasn't been alive in this colony for very long so we won't miss him as much as some of the others

- It would feel really bad to leave Tokori all on his own at Sparks

- His bionic eyes are less fun to draw than they could be

- Seeing the same face drawn over and over again will surely become tedious eventually, right?

Why should we bring Melissa?

- Having a colonist with unnatural healing abilities akin to reusable healer mech serums is op as hell and also very cool

- Even if she didn’t have creepjoiner healing powers, she has fun cancer powers

- Every new colony benefits from a creepy blind grandma

- Mechi and Kwahu owe her for saving them from duplication sickness

- She’s a delight to draw

Why should we leave Melissa behind?

- Everyone hates her more than usual because she’s super ugly

- She’s blind

- Apparently the creepjoiner unnatural healing has the potential for nasty side effects

- We haven’t had any creepjoiner negative side effects from her yet, but she’s been at an outpost which might have paused the countdown for it to show up

- She’s polyamorous, which means she’ll constantly be sad that she’s not in a relationship

Why should we bring XiaoLiang?

- He’s always been there for Mechi and co., it seems appropriate for him to follow them and continue to help out

- He’s very cool

- He’s got an expertise in sharpshooting which is bound to be useful

- We might run into his grandpa Paul again and it’d be nice if they met

- He's 100% got a crush on the Jones boys and that'd be funny to watch

- He’s a delight to draw

Why should we leave XiaoLiang behind?

- Perhaps it’s time for XiaoLiang to go back to being a wandering Man in Black

- He’s an undergrounder, which means he’ll get upset if we make him go out to hunt or otherwise put his shooting expertise to good use

- He’s polyamorous, which means he’ll constantly be sad that he’s not in a relationship

- He's 100% got a crush on the Jones boys and they would be extremely annoyed having to deal with it

- His grandpa Paul might show up to Sparks again, and it’d be nice if they met

Why should we bring Flapjack?

- He’s a little bit good at every skill which is very useful for starting a new colony

- He is kind, which means he’ll get along with everyone no matter how disfigured they are by flesh whips or cut-out eyes

- My brother says he has a "cool beard" and you "can't beat that"

- Looks a bit like Jesus

- He’s a delight to draw

Why should we leave Flapjack behind?

- Not a particularly interesting colonist so far

- He’s just sort of got NPC energy

- Looks a bit like Jesus

- Good at lots of skills but not great at any

Why should we bring Jut?

- He’s a good boy and I love him

- Incredible melee ability which is useful for defending a new colony

- Can explode people with his mind

- We already know his creepjoiner downside (it's the "disturbing" trait) so we don't need to worry about anything more serious popping up in the future

- Sanguophage powers might be useful

- Speaks French

- He’s a delight to draw

Why should we leave Jut behind?

- He’d need to steal other people's hemogen from time to time

- He’s "disturbing" and makes the others uncomfortable sometimes

- He’s blind

- He’s French

Godspeed everyone. Put your best vote forward.

First | Next | Previous

[crescent-moon-deity]

Good morning again Moonie!

Yhe others are still sleeping so I thought I’d come ask you smth

What exactly did you do? I noticed your arms are all burnt and I’m inclined to assume that it was because of the eradication ritual

And you mentioned taking over the legacy and stuff when I was ready and I’m just a little confused

Is it ok if you explain everything to me please 🥺 I’ll pay you a blade of grass

-🐚

It's not morning just because you woke up.

Your inclination would be correct. The burns are a result of the magic I used to exterminate your mother. The details really don't matter. All you need to know is your siblings live, but everything that was your mother is gone. They are their own people much like you are. It's will be like your mother never existed.

Moon sighed and crossed her arms.

Like most of what I say, you probably won't like it. It's complex.

Me offering you your mother's legacy was apart of the nightmare illusion. One of her greatest fears, her "mistake" becoming her legacy.

Let me make it clear, you have the potential to surpass your mother. I would rather you make your own legacy rather than continue hers. That choice is yours though. One day you'll be in a position that you have to make that decision. When you're ready, maybe even when you aren't, life will make you choose to take up her legacy or make your own.

It will not be your siblings, it will not be your mother again, it will not be the cults. It will be you.

Life isn't always fair, and no matter how much I give you the opportunity to be your own person, you will always still be her creation. Right now, you still exist in her shadow. That will follow you. How you choose to go from here is your choice.

Your mother doesn't exist anymore. Nothing that was her is a thing anymore. There I nothing in this world or the next that can bring her back. Her magic exists in the same way rain gets recycled into the ocean again. It was hers, but it's neutral magic now.

If you choose to harness what was her power, it's not her. It's no different than picking up a rock. An object to be used. The mental tax of knowing it was hers will remain, even if she doesn't, even if it's not technically hers any longer.

I don't think you're ready for that turmoil yet. Maybe one day, but not right now.

[mike-wheeler-defender-boi]

I'm gonna go on a "little" rant because I'm insane and have been given the opportunity. I, in no way, am trying to insult your perspective on character dynamics, I'm just really passionate about this.

Dustin would not have seen it coming. He still hasn't realized Robin is a lesbian as of season 4. Once he learns either of them (probably Mike) are gay, then he'll notice, but not before. He's smart, but he lacks a gaydar.

Jonathan, at least from my perspective, holds no ill will towards Mike. Yes, he's frustrated, but that's because Mike is an annoying (\aff) teenager with repressed trauma and emotions. His main issues with Mike have to do with the toxicness and instability in his relationship with El and it's affect on the trio as a whole. Once that is gone and Mike works out some of his fucking issue, which he is gonna have to do before getting into a relationship with Will, Jonathan will stop having the urge to shake Mike like a ragdoll. Keep in mind, he's know this kid since Mike and Will were 6 and he was 9 ish (or smth like that). Even Nancy canonically hung out with the Party way back when, of course ultra big brother Jonathan is going to care for his little brother's best fucking friend who only started being a jerk after the tunnels and El's return.

Hopper. I know the "stop dating my kids, Wheeler" is a big thing in the fandom, but it's just not in character for either of them. Hopper's only issue with Mike had to do with the unhealthy relationship between that twink and his daughter. Sure, Mike's a snarky asshole (\aff) but Hopper is also the only person who properly comforted him at all in the show. (Karen is almost there, but because she doesn't know why Mike is having issues, she's under qualified to properly help despite her efforts.) Mike has a violent breakdown infront of Hopper where he is overwhelmed with emotions he was never taught to process, starts yelling and punching, before sobbing as Hopper hugs his saying that everything is okay. And, in season 4, their reunion isn't one of people with bad blood. Despite all their arguing, they visibly had missed each other. Hopper would see Mike and Will dating, and he'd be brought back to that 13 year old boy who said that meeting this other 13 year old boy was the best thing he'd ever done. This kid who went against police orders to find his best friend. This kid who has put himself in harms way god knows how many times for the people he loves. The kid who was at his house everyday and, even if terribly codependant and unhealthy in the long run, had helped his daughter feel a bit less alone. The kid who had been the first to house his daughter and has an enormous heart that's been blocked off as much as one can due to past hurt. Mike is Hopper's son, one way (emotional bond) or another (marriage). Or both, both is good.

Idk, just my thoughts ig.

ST Characters Byler opinions

Eleven: doesn't understand gay. she likes boys too, why is Will so flustered? honestly she thinks they're cute.

Max: god, FINALLY they're done pining!

Dustin: yeah. he saw this coming a mile away. when they came out as a couple he's like 'wait you weren't before this?!!?!?'

Lucas: a little flustered. I mean, it is his two best friends dating, and with all the craziness he thought Mike was with Eleven, but ultimately supports.

Robin: ALLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also she's made ship art of them

Erica: thinks it's a big step down from Eleven. telekinesis > gay nerd. (she supports lgbtq tho)

Jonathan: so super proud of his lil bro! mike, on the other hand, should suffer and

Nancy: teases Mike relentlessly and shuts up when Mike starts talking about Robin

Steve: as long as they're home by nine

Hopper: really wishes Wheeler would stop dating his children

[creaturefeaster]

Is Elliot trans?? I saw on a post that it said "pre transition elliot" and that got me curious to whether it was about gender or some magical thing I missed knowing

Technically both heehee.

Yeah he's a trans dude. Him being trans doesn't have anything to do with magic, but the way he physically chose to transition was via magic :3

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

I said I wasn't going to get started on the topic of Aveline ruining Carver's chances with the guard but I lied okay, it's Carver Hawke defense hours.

Here's the thing; it doesn't matter if you believe Carver was or wasn't fit for the guard. That's a different debate that I'll get to. What matters is Aveline's in no position to tell the guard not to accept his application. Why does she think that's her right to judge whether or not he's fit?

Carver should've had the chance to prove himself one way or another. If it turns out he's not a good fit, then let him fail. Let him learn from it.

"Oh but failure could mean lost lives-"

Aveline doesn't get to talk shit about failure and the people. Plenty have died on her watch yet she still believes she's a good guard and Guard-Captain.

"maybe Aveline's protecting him, Carver could die while on patrol-"

Carver could die working in the Bone Pit, or serving as a templar, or when he's running around with Hawke. Carver could trip and fall down a set of stairs and die. In fact, he can die in the Deep Roads, somewhere he wouldn't have to go if the Hawke's weren't desperate.

Either Carver fails as a guard, or more likely, he succeeds and proves himself worthy of it.

But let's be real, Carver probably kept getting rejected due to being a Fereldan with a past of smuggling/mercenary work and Aveline only reaffirmed the decision, either because they asked her what she thought or she stuck her nose in unprompted.

But what irritates me is that she admits to telling them not to accept his application, and then has the balls to call Carver too proud to take up a trade or find another line of work.

Carver tells her, "And who would take on a Fereldan apprentice? Maybe in another year I could work my way up to pissboy." He has a good point here. Aside from the guard, the only other place Carver could work and use his skillset is with the Templars. Or go back to mercenary/smuggling work.

And Aveline doesn't even have a real answer for him. No suggestions, no encouragement, nothing. Just "Fine, let's crawl down some holes. Good bloody luck for your sake."

Also, if you do the Mark of the Assassin DLC in Act 1-

Aveline: You should see if any of the noblemen are looking for new men-at-arms. Carver: Are you trying to get rid of me? Aveline: It's a role with some autonomy. A good fit with your training and... tendencies. Carver: After serving King Cailan? You want me to suffer some poncy git who needs two servants to wipe his own ass? I'll find my own way, thanks. Aveline: I wish you would.

You wish he would?? Aveline, he was trying to find his way into the guard, a position he'd make a good fit for, and you helped deny him of it because YOU didn't think he would be good enough, I just-

If I haven't made it clear yet, I firmly believe that Carver would've made a great guard. He wants to help people, to be a protector. He's loyal, and despite what Aveline claims, he can follow orders and take his duty seriously. We see him do incredibly well with the Grey Wardens, after all. If he were a guard, he wouldn't have to go down into the Deep Roads with Hawke, and I think he would've been okay with that! He's so hurt and bitter when you leave him behind because that effectively tells him, "I don't need you." Carver's spent the whole first act telling you he wants to go on the expedition aka that he wants to be needed.

But if he were a guard, he would be needed elsewhere. He'd be in training as a recruit. He'd look after Leandra while you go. He wouldn't be backed into a corner with no income and only the templars left as his chance at forging his own path and providing for his family.

He doesn't get that opportunity, though.

By the way, if he becomes a warden, you can get this banter:

Aveline: I'm glad you found a place with the Wardens. Carver: Well, it's not the city guard, but it'll do. Aveline: Carver... it wasn't the place for you. Carver: No, it's all right. It is. It cost a lot, but I get it. I really was a bit of a tit those days, wasn't I? Aveline: Well...

This banter makes me want to scream.

Aveline's just... she's so insistent that she's right. She's someone who will double down rather than entertain the idea that she's wrong and it's not just with Carver and the guard, it's with everything. The "my beef with Aveline" list gets longer and longer every time I replay da2, I swear.

Say what you will about Carver, whether you think he would've been a good fit or if Aveline's right and it wasn't for him, he was denied a chance and it cost him so much in the end. He either dies, or he joins the templars where he deals with Chantry's bullshit trying to brainwash him with "mages aren't people" and "magic is a cancer in this world", or he's infected with the blight and becomes a Grey Warden, forced to serve the rest of his life fighting darkspawn, tormented by voices and nightmares.

I will never not be bitter about this.

[welcometogrouchland]

Noticing that TV and film will often have a character either have had an abortion in the past that isn't showcased on screen (and just used as part of the character's ~fucked up and twisted backstory~) OR contemplate getting an abortion in the present day but not to through with it. Just once I want to see someone delete that fetus within the events of the plot and not be like. Extremely majorly punished for it and/or be in the wrong

[wonder-worker]

"It is too easy to dismiss [Leonor of Navarre] as an overambitious schemer who would do anything to obtain a crown, shedding the blood of her own siblings and her subjects in order to attain the throne. However, a deeper investigation of her long lieutenancy and ephemeral reign shows a woman who fought tenaciously to preserve her place but also worked tirelessly to administer a realm which was crippled by internal conflict and the center of the political schemes of France, Aragon, and Castile. She tried to broker peace, fight off those who opposed her, repair the wounds caused by conflict, protect the sovereignty of the realm, and keep the wheels of governance turning. Leonor was not always successful in achieving all of these aims but given the background of conflict and the lack of cooperation she received from all of her family members, bar her loyal husband, it is a huge achievement that she survived to wear the crown at all. Many writers have argued that Leonor deserved the troubled lieutenancy, personal tragedies, an ephemeral reign, and a blackened reputation, basing their assumption that she committed a crime that cannot be [conclusively] proven. However, a more fitting description of her would be that of a resolute ruler who successfully overcame a multitude of challenges in order to survive in a difficult political landscape and gain a hard-fought throne.”

— Elena Woodacre, "Leonor of Navarre: The Price of Ambition", Queenship, Gender and Reputation in the Medieval and Early Modern West, 1060-1600 (Edited by Zita Eva Rohr and Lisa Benz)

[sinnettini]

god give me the strength 🫠🫠🫠

[goldentigerfestival]

Yuri's dialogue (JP) is so fascinating to study, like... the repetitive use of certain words/phrases that others use sparingly but he uses constantly. the way it feels like his vocabulary is more expansive than what he uses, but he defaults to a "comfort" level of speech. the way it mixes in with his sort of "street talk" words and the sheer level of informality. the way his "street talk" phrasing is contrasted by the tone of his voice (on that note, people I know who also know JP are also very endeared by these aspects of him so I KNOW IT'S NOT JUST ME!!!).

'cause the thing is, he uses phrases that yeah, other people do use, but he uses a handful over and over and over (contrast to other characters' sparing use of repetition). it's actually... really refreshing? it sounds more relatable and less "video game/anime/JRPG/RPG" writing or something, idk. like closer to how a real person would speak.

I do my best in my translations not to make things sound too stiff across the board, but Yuri makes it so easy. it's why I'm so interested in translating all his lines in Vesperia, like... the actual, original tone for him with his original wording because it's smth Eng only players don't get to experience ('cause even if you listen with JP audio, if you don't know the language, ofc you're gonna miss out on context. it's nobody's fault for not knowing, just... they unfortunately miss out). the thing is, there are a lot of times when the lines in and of themselves are not contextually incorrect in the English ver (usually the situation for smaller scenes, because they altered the text outright for more important stuff which was the stuff that originally set me off, but there were also plenty of cases of just vocal tone shifting with the correct context that still gave off the wrong impression), but Yuri's tone is shifted away from the original in Eng even though it's completely and perfectly translatable.

I am by no means about to translate the entire game because let's face it, I really don't care that much for Vesperia on the whole. I'm kinda stuck with it because Yuri's there lo and behold I actually am WAY more engaged in his stories in Rays, Link and Asteria because it's an amazing character put into circumstances where he actually gets to shine and feels more alive, which Vesperia did not provide nearly as well with its very disjointed story. also, Tales gachas have banger stories that are arguably better than the mainline games, and they regularly make Yuri a very central character to the gachas. Crestoria was also about to do it until they pulled the plug on that game and I'm pretty confident something interesting has been lost to the world. also I just generally don't have the energy or motivation to do that, so... I'll only be focusing on Yuri's lines, especially because his stuff is where the bulk of the messing around was. he's just insanely fun to translate for and I love burying myself head first into his speech.

will I actually finish this project? dunno. will I get around to posting it? whatever I get done (so all of it if I complete it), and if I decide to call it quits then I'll post what I have at the time I decide that. will it take a long time? probably, but I can always mention stuff along the way...

[omarwolaeth]

Hearing some thoughts on Rin's lines about Clear Wing.

I don't disagree that it feels off-putting or wrong (whichever you prefer to describe it as), but I imagine her reasoning doesn't necessarily boil down to seeing herself as above Yuugo (though it's very possible it partially is; they both lived in a dog eat dog world - the City - and they're commons to boot - so they're fighting one another to duel Jack up until she's kidnapped, even if Yuugo says they were going to do it together), as much as it boils down to her being the responsible one.

Yuugo really isn't, so it might possibly be that, given how dependable of a monster Clear Wing (and Crystal Wing) are, Rin thinks her burn deck is a better fit for such a monster than Yuugo's luck based deck. The answer to this is obviously no as soon as anything to do with Zarc or Ray comes into the picture (Clear Wing and Yuugo are both cut from the same quarter of the Supreme King Dragon, even if it was by En Winds.)

Or, Rin is probably jealous she doesn't have effect negation in her monsters, and is bullying Yuugo about it because she's seemingly never really dealt with her frustrations in any other way (because Yuugo's always there.) Or maybe because Clear Wing is a unique card and Rin wants a copy too.

Alternatively, this is somehow the same thing as Yuuri's sadistic streak; a hold over from their Original self, and Ray decided Clear Wing should've been one of her monsters. As if Zarc would lose one of his dragons without a fight, though.

(Additional note I think is important but couldn't figure out where to put it in; Rin's defeat line in the overworld implies to me that Yuugo expects her to win her matches, like it shouldn't be hard for her. Yuugo's never gotten angry at her even if she's gotten angry at him multiple times and she's probably afraid of what he'd think - either this hasn't happened and she's worried all his frustrations with her would ungracefully tumble out, only putting up with her because she wins and can get food on their table even if we know that wouldn't happen - he loves her so much he'll ramble about her to anyone given half a chance, or it has happened before and Rin doesn't want to experience that sort of thing again, as though it would embarrass her.) (So her self esteem is either rock bottom when it comes to losing. or she's got too much pride to admit any of her losses to the one person who adores her)