#having opinions and existing in a way that makes the defaults uncomfortable

[ceo-of-stealing-ur-fucking-teeth]

If you take away my civil rights I’m just gonna stop being civil

[ylvalev]

Sorta related, I've been trying to work out why the arguments about "the throne should not exist!" are leaving a bit of a bad taste in my mouth and I think you may have sparked a train of thought towards figuring some of that out.

I think that, in some ways, the "throne" the way people seem to be talking about it already doesn't exist? Like, the gods aren't actually doing much ruling with respect to Exandria and, as far as I can tell, that was true even before the Divergence. Pre-Divergence was the Age of Arcanum, the height of mortal power and irreverence towards the Divine. Aeor was, by my memory, implied to have been anit-god even before the Calamity and we know that Avalir was extremely vocal about its disdain for the gods and in response the gods were just like "alright then, you do you, we'll be over here" and just stayed in their lane with the people who did want to be involved with them while doing their jobs, taking care of their domains and helping out their followers. Nobody who doesn't want to engage with them has to, then or now.

As far as I can tell, the gods when they had free reign were less monarchs ruling over Exandria, crushing all dissent against them, and more infrastructure workers making sure the proverbial trains ran on time and the lights stayed on. And post-Divergence, the Primes are still doing those jobs, they're just teleworking now.

Which is to say, to circle back around, Ludinus' plan isn't destroying a throne, it's decimating the base infrastructure of reality without any sort of idea about what happens next.

Here's my problem with Ludinus's whole thing

So Ludinus's whole thing is that the gods shouldn't be in charge of everything, because they have too much power and they're petty and not better than humans, or whatever, right? But here's the issue: they're actually doing a pretty good job.

The world doesn't suck that bad. When people aren't activley trying to fuck up the gods, they actually do their jobs really well. Magic functions like it should, people get healed, sometimes they even come back to life. I know it's not all perfect, there are zealots and assholes, but that's not a reason to overthrow the entire pantheon. The system's working.

And even if it wasn't, even if the system Ludinus is trying to destroy was broken, he doesn't have a plan to replace it. His ultimate goal, as far as we know, will create the power vacuum to end all power vacuums. He's going to destroy Exandria on the vauge hope that whatever system pops up is better than the one they already have? Somehow? Don't let that 23 Int fool you; he's dumb as shit.

[zzencat]

How To Energetically Get The Most Out Of Your School/Work Life - ⏳

Since we’re getting into the groove of things…let’s gaur!!!! For entertainment purposes.

From left to right. Breathe and choose the one(s) you can't keep your eyes off of.

TO ENHANCE ACCURACY BEFORE CHOOSING: Clear your mind. Time is now patient and still. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill your chest up to the fullest, feel the soft air brush up against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out.

Pile 1 | boomer mentality?

• change your ways. Bad habits, weak ways of thinking- sure, it’s uncomfortable. Growth is uncomfortable. Success is uncomfortable (I’m pretty sure someone super famous said that once maybe someone should remind me- 🤔) . You’ll find that if you look at things from a new perspective, a new angle, it’ll be beneficial for you in the long run. Just like looking at stress in a good way- there are studies on it that show that if you look at stress in a more positive way and use it to your advantage, you could really stretch out your life and live longer than those who were pessimistic about it (lol fun fact for you)

if you let go of the old, your luck will change. embrace these new changes, beliefs, environments, and people.

don’t keep your time and resources to yourself. allow for self reflection and transformations to happen!

big focus: don’t let history repeat itself. it’s time for a change! let go and let in.

—————————

Pile 2 | feeling stuck or stagnant

• pile 2, you tend to overthink everything. You let your mind run its course. That ain’t good news. It prevents you from reaching new heights- prevents you from even starting on something, just because of fear or even roots of perfectionism. There’s a huge lack of motivation, confidence, and trust in yourself- so much that even when I was pulling your cards they were hesitant to come out. it feels like russian roulette but it’s firing on its own. some people here might tend to overreact/throw a tantrum as well or be immature in situations that need sensibility (in this case, ya gotta take this time to mature.)

• I feel this group has trouble with balance in general. Nothing wrong with that on occasion but if that’s your default setting and you’re stuck in your mind all day, wondering about this and that—just a crazy clash of thoughts and ideas—ruminating and running around in a vicious cycle full of mental bullshit then it’s gonna stop you. It’s gonna stop you from growth, from achieving things, from getting started, from living life normally. That’s the bare minimum, isn’t it? All we gotta do is breathe and when life makes it hard, the brain works harder. The mind is truly the most dangerous thing and you have to embrace it, marinate in it, and pick at it. find out where the balance is between intuition, logic, and emotion.

you might feel restricted and the need to break free, but what you also need is a breather to calm down and assess yourself before making decisions. rmr, deep breaths.

•Do your own research, form your own opinions, figure out who you are, how you operate, and what you want in life. That’s how you begin to build character. That’s how you can move forward, even if it’s little by little. (A more stable foundation comes outta that too.)

big focus: practice self control. when they say “lead with your head,” they really mean the control center of logic, intuition, and emotion…but who’s doing more of the controlling here, you or your mind?

——————————

Pile 3 | “how could I miss that?”

• What you need to focus on is slowing down. it’s easy to miss things when we’re busy or taking on a lot of responsibilities. give yourself some love and care—tend to those inner callings. It’s good for your mental health as well. Remember: mental becomes physical.

• put yourself first for once. Connect with yourself and loved ones- go on one of them self dates- Yessir those exist 😳

• pile 3, you are easily the most efficient and speedy group- cards were legit being shuffled like they were being handled like a pro- but you know the con of that? You miss all the moments you could’ve had with friends, lovers, family. Yourself. You get to miss all the details because things are going too fast pow pow pow one after the other until it piles up and then you end up beating yourself up for small and simple mistakes…calm down and adjust yourself. You will be okay.

• I’m telling you fam- TAKE BREAKS. Give yourself moments to relax and rejuvenate before you push yourself!! You put too much pressure on yourself as it is

• connect with your inner feminine energy when you have the time—you gotta MAKE that time for yourself

• don’t be so neglectful in your relationships btw! Romantic, platonic, familial, wtv- learn how to manage your time so that you can separate work and assignments with social relations. Keep that communication up!! This includes your inner and outer voice. Reflect and acknowledge how you feel.

big focus: be more open minded to making new connections! spend more time with others. you’ll find emotional happiness and fulfillment in it :)

————————————

Ending Teddy note:

Hello hollywood people 😎 it has been a long minute! thank you for taking the time to read through this—YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Always remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t! I’ll cya fam ciao :)

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Kinda sick of the racism from nonblacks (i say nonblacks because it ain't just the whites tho it's mainly them!) in the spiderverse fandom because why does black ppl centering themselves in fiction (you know cuz we never can have ANYTHING) bother them so much??

"Hobie would choose a white girl over you" "why does miles have to be with someone black" "why does he always have to have a black reader" like Ummmm DO Y'ALL NOT HEAR HOW DUMB AND IGNORANT YOU SOUND?

We gotta gatekeep the black characters in this fandom until ppl know how to act right and stop getting besides themselves

PREACH!!!!!! CAUSE LIKE -- People out here are really disturbed that they *checks notes* were reminded black people exist? black people being found specifically attractive in a way whiteness is CONSTANTLY.

Anti-Blackness, Hobie, & The Black!Reader -

[A SHORT rant about people who have an issue with Black!Readers]

I ALWAYS find it where when people beef with Black people who want to date other Black people.

Because it's 100% racism.

If you think that a Black person dating only Black people is wrong - Anti-blackness is probably the root.

Just kidding it is the root its literally the only solution and explanation hehehe

Because as a trans person - when someone says they're T4T, everyone is fine with that.

Cis people can understand that they will never understand the trans experience, and that trans people may be attracted and want relationships with people who can understand on a personal level.

But when a Black Person say they're 'Black4Black' suddenly that's wrong?? We can't do that??

It's like non-whites cannot grasp that anti-black racism is a very VERY specific experience that we deal with all our lives and we may want partners that can not only support us but relate too. Partners we don't have to explain race shit too.

No- blackness is an experience that HAS to be available to them. Black people's experiences, minds and bodies HAVE to be available for there consumption or we're in the wrong.

We are either there to be consumed (like Hobie is) or ignored (like the Black!Reader is).

All my life I've seen the default OC and default reader be a white person. Readers that don't speak AAVE, that show no attempt at culture outside the 'normal' heteronormative American family.

And suddenly we try to change that for ourselves and that's not cool.

Also - people who say that about Hobie are just outright uneducated.

Hobie is from 1978.

Racial Discrimination in the UK was outlawed in 1965. Regardless of whether you think he's 16 or 19 - Hobie Brown grew up under racial segregation from ages 3-6.

He grew up seeing it - experiencing racism. Living with and being raised by and surrounded by a community of older black people who lived under segregation.

And even after the bill - Racist attitudes would still be surrounding him realistically speaking.

HE'S NOT FROM NOW.

Acting like Hobie has no opinions on that, or experiences, or coping mechanisms or TRAUMA from that - is fucked up.

That's black trauma LOOK AT IT.

So YEAH, A guy who grew up under segregation and a police state would have trauma from it.

But they (racists) wanna sidestep that.

They'll talk all day about Hobie's police related trauma - but not the race thing......okay. Okay, no it's fine. I'm fine.

The idea that Hobie might have unsavory experiences with race makes them uncomfortable. The idea that Hobie would seek out Black Spaces to GET AWAY from white people - makes them foam at the mouth.

Not all white people are racist - but a white person can never understand anti-black racism from a personal view the way Hobie or I or you do.

That's just a fact.

But the idea that there's a special outlet we alone understand about Hobie, and connect with him through, they dislike that.

Anti-Blackness. It's everywhere.

YOINK!! I'M TAKING HOBIE BACK TO THE ANCESTORS. LETS GO.

[finligz]

Alright, time for my opinion on Solarballs ships

I’d like to start by saying that no matter what fandom I join I tend to only support the official or canon ships. The reasons for that are:

1. I’m not a fan of romantic stuff as a whole, even makes me terribly uncomfortable sometimes

2. I just can’t imagine relationships in my head, so I need something to guide me like a text or better some type of imagery which is usually non-existent or poorly executed when unofficial. So the canon ships are easier for me to understand by default

3. I’m too into friendship or family dynamics, when I see characters who aren’t a couple I already imagine them in those types of settings, so the ships with them don’t make sense to me anymore

But even with all that I can say that I’m not really against most of the ships. Some of them even seem cute and a few of them I even ship myself, tho it’s rare

So today in this post I wanna state my unwanted opinion about the most popular ships in the Solarballs fandom.

Let’s start with the +- canon ones

1. Astrodude x his wife

Literally one the cutest married couples on media that I’ve ever seen. They just support each other all the time no matter what, and you can see how they care about each other. And even when so far away they still keep in touch and love each other

2. Ganymede x Europa

No matter how badly they behave in the story and how awful some of their decisions were, they still seem like they’re made for each other. They seem more like a “long-term relationship” couple to me and I like it a lot, the way they’re not as lovey-dovey and actually accept each other the way they are is very refreshing tbh. I like how Europa doesn’t try to make Ganymede change his beliefs just for the sake of her own and vice-versa, just reminding him sometimes that they’re together ahahah

3. Pluto x Charon

Alright, this one is my favourite in the whole show. They are VERY cute and I like how Charon tries to cheer up Pluto and support him when he feels awful. And even when they don’t understand each other, they stay nice and open minded usually (except when Pluto is ranting about himself and planets). They’re like a couple that grew together and it’s awesome

4. Titan x Titania

I don’t know how I feel about this. They just seem quite too different. And too awkward. Titania probably liked how confident Titan seemed and now has a crush on him in the show, but Titan just doesn’t strike me as a person ready to be in a relationship. He’s too invested in the whole system’s politics rn. I can picture him awkwardly frendzoning anyone who’s gonna confess to him. Maybe in the future this might work in a way like: “we accomplished everything we fought for and now can be together”. Also I think Titan would be too demanding for Titania to feel comfortable, she needs someone more gentle

Now moving on to most popular unofficial ships

Here besides my opinion on the ship I’ll also tell how I personally see interactions between these characters

5. Jupiter x Saturn

This actually seems very nice and cute in a way. Like a married couple maybe? At least when they bicker in the show they kinda give off that vibe. They could work as a couple. Saturn is very sensitive and protective and Jupiter needs support and seems like a patient guy, so they match well!

Personally I picture them more like old friends that rarely gather together anymore but are still close and supportive

6. Callisto x Triton

Maybe that could work? Both of them seem like adults with strong opinions on life and stuff. They might have something in common, but they are too different in my opinion still. Triton strives for freedom and lack of responsibility, while Callisto wants someone to lead her so she won’t have to be responsible. And even if some might say that Callisto changed in the show, I really don’t think so. Also I don’t think they’ll do great with long-distance relationships. For both of them it will be too much unnecessary work to maintain such relationships

I think that Triton sees Callisto as his first friend and that’s why he cares so much. It just doesn’t seem like he knows what to do and how to act. Callisto could also think of Triton as a friend, although maybe just a good acquaintance for now

7. Mars x Earth

It could work? I mean they are best friends and Mars clearly cares about Earth a lot, so he tries to not be too judgemental or put too much pressure on him. Earth also cares about Mars. I’ll just remind you how he made the whole tournament just so Mars will get back to him. So yeah, this seems like a bromance ship in a way, which means it works fine. Friends to lovers shift could happen in this case, although I don’t think they’ll be all lovey-dovey like many people portray them

I see them as best friends just as in the show

8. Earth x Venus

This doesn’t work imo. Venus is too aggressive and communicates poorly. By that I mean that Venus in the show doesn’t seem like a person with a lot of social skills or even experience. The fact that he didn’t know how to play asteroid dodgeball until the tournament tells us about how he didn’t communicate with Earth and Mars a lot. He doesn’t seem like the guy to understand romantic love. Earth on the other hand doesn’t care about Venus much and is too dominant. Even if he confessed to Venus and Venus agrees (not exactly knowing if he actually liked Earth), they would get irritated with each other as they’re both too stubborn and closed off.

I see them as acquaintances at the moment with a lot of actual friendship potential

9. Uranus x Earth

Just no. Even if you’re going to reason that by telling how it’s “canon in mythology”, it doesn’t have anything to do with the actual show. Even if they seem cute enough together, like a shy x confident dynamic and even knowing how similar their current problems are (too afraid to say something wrong/be themselves), it’s just too out of their comfort zones. Uranus is an introvert, maybe even with a sprinkle of sociophobia and he’ll feel very awkward in any relationship. He’ll say some stuff he doesn’t mean and will feel terrible about himself afterwards. Earth in those situations would probably want to push it and sometimes could embarrass Uranus even more. Also I’ll remind you that Earth and Uranus barely know each other. Long distance relationships also would be hard as Earth can’t leave the Goldilocks zone and Uranus probably wouldn’t want to go through 3 other planets’ orbits just to visit Earth.

I don’t see them interacting much.

10. Luna x Titan

This could work. Seems like a pretty serious ship with them both being very thoughtful and pragmatic. Maybe sometimes flirty, but not much. They share some of their opinions. Luna is also very, VERY patient and supportive and Titan needs that as he tries to reach his goals. However, I think right now they have other stuff to worry about. But in the future? I think it will work nicely.

I personally see them as friends

11. Mercury x Sun

Too toxic. It has the vibes of Boss x helpless employee which I’m very uncomfortable with. I don’t think that Sun could seriously love one of his planets romantically and Mercury wouldn’t want to date someone who literally hurts him all the time and demands constant attention. Just no. I don’t understand nor do I want to understand this one.

I see them only as friends. Maybe a bit one-sided with Mercury questioning this friendship

Alright, I think I covered the majority of the popular ships.

Again I’d like you to know that I don’t hold anything against you if you ship anything listed above, cause it wholly depends on people’s tastes.

If you want me to answer any of your questions there’s a button for them in my profile. See ya!

[patrocles]

❤️‍🔥 give us ur most unpopular opinion on hotd/asoiaf ships

well idk how unpopular this is and hopefully i can explain myself as concise as possible but i feel like the culture of shipping has genuinely eradicated so much critical thinking and analysis of how hotd and specific characters are talked about.

now i’m not saying that any individual ship is bad or shipping in general is (bc obviously that would make me a hypocrite). even if there’s ones i personally dont care for, i genuinely don’t care about their existence or people enjoying them.

my problem stems from how much personal identity is attributed to ships. this isnt necessarily unique to asoiaf/hotd but still extremely pervasive. what this looks like is people who get so invested in a ship that the mere existence of another feels like a personal insult. and instead of just accepting that other people have different tastes and preferences, their uncomfortable feelings puts them on the defense.

sometimes you cant even post about the thing you like without getting radioed and being insulted on a personal level bc your enjoyment of a ship directly contrasts with the way they enjoy a different ship. one person talks about the dynamic between alicent and criston and within minutes you can expect accusations of homophobia and being pro incel. one person says they’re interested in seeing what kind of character sara snow is, you’ll quickly see them accused of being an anti black racist. if you post about rhaenicent, you can soon expect accusations of shipping rhaenyra with her abuser. see what i mean?

i think people need to just unclench for a second

that all being said, i think the whole “i need it to cope” when talking about extremely taboo topics within shipping needs to be fucking eradicated. i’m all for advocating for people to curate their online experiences— if i don’t like a thing, i will do what i must to make sure i dont see the thing. however i think the promoters of things like p*dophilia in ships to a very extreme degree who like to default to a position of “well its all fictional its not serious!!” and even going so far as to mock people who dont like seeing pedo porn for being prudes make you look like an absolute asshole.

and to be very clear, i’m not saying that any specific theme or topic of dynamic is illegal and you cannot explore them. but shipping an adult with a child and writing explicit porn about it makes 🫵🏽 you the bearer of responsibility to make sure the people you dont want to see your content dont— that means utilizing tagging systems and more than just “dead dove” in bio cus that’s not a catch all term. and the whole “to cope” thing absolutely holds no weight when you’re going out of your way to trigger other people who may also be victims of the thing ur posting about. with HOTD especially, what i’ve seen a lot of is not even just a lack of grace or carelessness in a fandom space but a deliberate act of trying to be as extreme as possible to be edgy and to pwn the antis~

it’s really not other people’s responsibility to accept taboo ships/themes— that isn’t to say that you cannot engage with that thing, no one will stop you— but you also cant be shocked when people are uncomfortable if not wholly disgusted with explicit depictions of a character as played by a minor with an adult. like that’s just going to happen especially when you’re posting it on a public platform for everyone to see and it’s all just for your personal kinks

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

as a comic reader who has read/loved/ecstatically commented on at least one of your fics, i have to say i was surprised to find out you didn’t read batfam comics because i wouldn’t have ever guessed.

i think it’s entirely possible for someone to get a good handle on the essence of characters without them engaging with the source material- what it boils down to is what part of the fandom they get into.

because let’s be real, there isn’t anyone who is having their views of these characters be formed purely by canon, even if they never engage with fanfic. they’re informed by canon, how their personal experiences cause them to interpret canon, other people’s analysis of canon, even fan-made content like memes. comics-only fans disagree with each other about characterization all the time. it’s not like we’re all a united front. and simply reading a comic run won’t necessarily by default align you with the most popular interpretation of a character.

also, let’s not pretend that the sheer volume of comics content is the only barrier to entry. comics aren’t free to read, unless you pirate them, which one could be ethically conflicted about/uncomfortable with. sure dc infinite is “only” $7.99 a month, but not everyone can afford that and that doesn’t even include access to all comics- the more complete (but still not complete) collection is behind a $119.99 paywall. plus, it’s not even available in every region around the world. in short, it is a privilege to be able to read comics. we shouldn’t expect people to be capable of financial investment to be fans, when there’s so many free ways of stumbling across these characters and getting interested.

imo, the best move is to be kind and not assume ill intent. and past that, if you come across someone who you just fundamentally disagree with…scroll. or block. unless they’re asking for your opinion, they probably don’t want it. being fandom police is exhausting, spend your energy enjoying the characters how you like them instead of trying to force other to enjoy them the way you want them too.

which isn’t to say never engage in discourse/discussion, but like try and figure out if it’s worth engaging. the earth is round. flat earthers exist. they don’t make the earth flat.

anyways!! sorry this got kind of long and ramble-y! i’ve been enjoying the discussion, in addition to appreciating how respectfully and tactfully you’ve navigated it :)

Thanks! I'm certainly trying, at least. I think people who get all hot under the collar are allowed to feel however they want about it, but I do think 1) like you said, they're being less than honest about their own lenses, 2) are missing out on so much, and 3) are allowed to feel however they want within the confines of their own head or even their own blog, but once they step onto mine, they lose that right.

[limitlessscion]

‎ "—I had fun"

Tracking #LimitlessScion

Independent Satoru Gojo ∞ Jujutsu Kaisen Mutuals-only ∞ Duplicates and OC friendly ∞ Minors DNI Written by Cherry (They/Them/Any ∞ 30+ ∞ EST) Manga current + spoilers

By default canon-compliant in broad strokes, but portrayal + interpretation heavily influenced by headcanons and verse-specific interactions. An emphasis is placed on the agony of loneliness and being human in a world that denies your humanity.

Nav: about ∞ verses ∞ mun ∞ headcanons ∞ prompts

1 ∞ I have absolutely no tolerance for drama, I will not engage in or comment. My lack of engagement is not an indication of any opinion on the matter. Contact me privately if you need to hash out any issues.

2 ∞ I do best with ample plotting and discussion, my Discord is available to any mutuals upon request for such a purpose.

Mutual daydreaming about potential scenarios and relationship details until ideas for threads and interactions click into existence is the bread and butter of writing with me, and I thrive the most when I have many unique discussion points to feed off of when writing.

I am still happy to jump straight into interactions without plotting though!

3 ∞ Please do not make assumptions about my portrayal based off of fanon! There are many unique aspects about my Satoru that are very important to me and can diverge pretty heavily from popular interpretations. Please don't hesitate to ask me if you are ever unsure, I am always happy to explain, and in return I will always work with your own unique portrayal as well.

4 ∞ I think that the fact there can be so many different ways to interpret a character when everyone has the same starting material is a beautiful thing to be celebrated. I am happy to write with multiples of the same muse and each will be treated with the respect of being their own unique character.

I am also more than happy to follow other Satoru blogs if you are comfortable with it, and I do want to interact when given the chance.

5 ∞ Shipping: Your muses are allowed to have crushes on him, but please approach me with the assumption that he will likely never reciprocate in the right way. I love the idea of exploring flings or short-lived relationships that don't work out, but long term romance-like relationships are rare and only works if a lot of chemistry occurs naturally through interactions. I write Satoru as aro/ace and I do take the aromantic part of his identity seriously; it will affect how he approaches things.

I love all kinds of platonic dynamics, from friends, to antagonists and familial. All interactions regardless of the type of dynamic are in separate verses unless plotted otherwise

6 ∞ Dead Dove: do not eat. Many mature themes make potential and frequent appearances on this blog, due to the nature of the source material and just my preference in writing: I have a great love of writing violence and uncomfortable characterizations. I generally won't bother tagging the likes of violence and gore in prose, though I will tag any explicit visuals and things I have been asked to tag with "_ cw"

I won't be writing any explicit sexual content, but suggestive content including up to a fade to black might occur

7 ∞ My primary goal here is to have fun, and to make sure that my writing partner is also having fun. I'm really not picky on the length, formatting, grammar or whatever from my partner as long as effort is being put in and we're having a good time. I write as much as I feel like, I reply to things I have muse for, and I won't necessarily answer prompts I can't think of a reply to. I expect my partners to have the same freedom without any pressure to inform me.

I am happy as needed to drop threads, redo concepts, write short scenarios that only lasts a round or two; anything goes in the name of enjoying ourselves shamelessly.

Art Credit: all graphics used on blog are either official content or used with explicit permission

[Mobile banner] by mercuryartes

[revui]

Hi!

I saw your contribution to the "unpopular opinions on whump" and can I just say that I agree so much omg?? Like the whumpee default always being by default male and white (I guess you could add light-skinned Asian) is something that I noticed too.

The irony is, I actually avoid reading the so-called femwhump, because it makes me a bit uncomfortable. Sex-based oppression, especially in the Middle East, medical misognyny and AFAB people making up the majority of victims/survivors of trafficking, class oppression and domestic violence is a harsh reality that femwhump reminds me of. I am also a bit uncomfortable with featuring a dark-skinned character in certain types of whump too, for OBVIOUS reasons - because it is still a lived reality.

But sometimes you just want to imagine your (not /always/ light-skinned) WLW or NB4A OTP or BroTP caring for each other when one has a fever, or talks about a traumatic childhood event or deep s**cidal ideation, or just falls off their bike, like a wholesome whump lite, so the white cismale default is a bit tiring

YES! also to my followers who have no idea i'm part of the whump community because i never post about it ever, hi welcome i like pain, this post got long so it's under a cut now

i totally get why people are more willing to default to "white man" whump when it comes to the more graphic and violent stuff because they fear either coming across as bigoted (especially if they're a less experienced writer) or they just personally don't want to think about racial violence & violence toward women; i won't fault the second reason and the first reason is just a matter of gaining experience until you feel like you can handle it without any implications.

so that's all basically fine in my book. but then like... when i'm scrolling and i see a generic character-A-character-B type sickfic prompt (and i love sickfic), there's no reason for the post to use he/him for the generic whumpee, and people really need to watch out for when they describe something in a manner that only works for light-skinned people; my default character in generic prompts happens to be an afro-asian dude whose skin straight up Can't do a lot of things in prompts the way they're described. i don't care what kind of whump other people write, but when a prompt blog fails to account for what i feel should be a pretty well-known fact (dark skinned people exist), it's immersion breaking and disappointing.

that theoretical blogger can write whatever they want when it comes to their own fiction, but maybe don't say "prompt" if it's not broadly applicable. i can't demand that prompt blogs account for the breadth of human creativity and make it so nothing in the prompt could contradict anyone's character design, that would be impossible. i just think people should be more mindful of what they write, especially since everyone here knows different skin colors exist.

hrngh long rant. tl;dr i get why violent whump would shy away from anyone but "white man" but all other forms of whump have no good reason to be as white dude-centric, and prompt blogs need to be more conscious of how they write their generic prompts

[septembersghost]

I know this seems minor but I’m so proud of myself for banning myself from fauxmoi in the last few months. I saw their reaction to Taylor going out with friends pre-Matty and knew it was heading a bad way. And even when they liked Taylor the way they easily dehumanized other people just really made me feel uncomfortable. It’s done wonders just staying on tumblr and not giving in to reading negative opinions that aren’t even made in good faith. It’s just better for my mental health to look at the quilting subreddit instead

I saw their reaction to Taylor going out with friends - that was what sparked the beginning of this, before the news about m*tty, and it's so strange how that "proved" her selfish evilness to them. i don't love staged pap walks either, i wish that culture was different and that nobody felt like they had to participate in it, we know that back in the day they took a toll on taylor's well-being, but the reaction to that was way out of proportion.

fauxmoi was unfamiliar to me until all this happened, i knew it existed but didn't frequent it (and again, not judging anyone who does! i read the news/teatime thread on popheads, that can turn into gossipy snark too, there are just some boundaries to me between what's okay and what isn't), same for popculturechat, and there's always a built-in sort of cynicism in gossip spheres, i get that, but i found myself overwhelmed and quite taken aback by how vitriolic they really are and how easily they fall into bashing people. taylor is quite reviled there, but she's FAR from the only one (also sad/interesting how they perpetuate a lot of those things they claim to hate the media for doing to women...?). i fell into the trap of reading it while everyone was upset and discussing what was going on, and it stressed me far more, looking at it now i realize how much worse it was making me feel and how it was upping my anxiety. like i've said before, i don't think gossip is "bad" by default, humans are curious (and nosy lol), and we're interested in artists and public figures, and we like being informed and sharing stories. everyone gossips with their friends. the point is boundaries. once it crosses into dehumanizing people or violations of privacy and their lives, that's when it's troubling, and a lot of the threads there get into that territory of bullying and crossing lines and unvarnished hate. idk.

(swifties are guilty of this behavior too, especially when they start attacking people for perceived actions against her, including her exes. it's not good.)

i'm glad you found a better balance and are taking care of your mental health! it's not minor, you can be proud of yourself for that!!! working on that myself, the last couple of months have been rough. i think it's looking brighter here on tumblr, though!

[armandjolras]

random opinions on queen charlotte: a bridgerton story (long)

I thought it was ok! I loved the characters and relationships, but not so much the writing and pacing and some storylines.

what I liked:

The younger actors were amazing, they captured the mannerisms and characterisations of the older versions really well

The costumes were beautiful, I think the show’s costume style works much better for 18th century clothes than early 19th century, because they have more structure which makes the modern fabrics look less cheap

probably because I’m not a romance girlie I much preferred the relationships and characters in this to the main show. i don’t love the romance formula and this show didn’t follow it

I loved Brimsley/Reynolds, so great to see gay rep and I especially love the trope of dutiful gay valets. Each of them had such a nice relationship with their royal despite having to maintain distance

really sensitive portrayal of mental illness was lovely to see

what I didn’t like:

The dialogue had this annoying style where the characters kept repeating what the other person just said (I assume this is a Shonda quirk but I haven’t seen anything else she wrote).

The episode 4 flashback was way too repetitive which bogged down the emotions. Also the start and end of the flashback made it unclear whether Reynolds was just remembering or whether he was telling Charlotte things that happened

the 1817 plotline was honestly so bad lol it felt incredibly contrived. No way the queen would ask violet for advice marrying her children off when arranged marriage is the default for royals. I assume Penelope was in the country with her family so how is she reporting on every specific thing the queen does. Violet’s ONLY arc was being horny which is admittedly very funny. And Lady Danbury was just hovering around. And then the conflict about Lord Ledger…

… which i disliked as a plotline. Showing a middle aged white man, who is married to a racist white woman and disagrees but never calls out her racism, sneak off to have sex on the side with a young Black woman feels icky to me. Like some sort of racist cheating fetish

Instead of Agatha/ledger, they should have developed Agatha’s relationship with Charlotte. They’re good friends in 1817 so I would like to see how that happened, maybe Charlotte telling her about George’s illness and Agatha supporting her. It felt like they didn’t know what to do with Agatha in the second half. At the very least, develop her relationship with Charlotte’s brother so it feels higher stakes when she chooses singledom over marriage

the scene where Agatha cries to Augusta was so weird that i thought maybe she was fake crying for manipulation. And then the racist white lady teaches her how to be strong? Ooookay

i have such issues with young violet’s character. She’s supposed to be nearly out, but she acts like she’s about ten, and her existence messes up the timeline — Violet would have been a baby when this show took place. I assume her only purpose was to show she’s not racist and for her to notice her father’s relationship with Agatha. Why not make her a five year old? It fits the way she acts, and then she would have a hazy memory of meeting Agatha as a child and put the pieces together

I can’t believe there’s a whole plot of these two girl best friends talking about how horny they are and yet they don’t help each other out with that 🙄 /j

This may be controversial but I was kind of uncomfortable with the portrayal of Lord Danbury 💀 The styling (old-age makeup that was so matte it looked painted on, and unkempt appearance) and characterisation (pompous and jolly and stupid) reminded me a lot of racist caricatures. I don’t know what the intention here was but it was a miss imo (I found two other people saying this on Reddit so it’s not just me)

[gibbearish]

just took your uquiz lol! about being trans! what do you think it could mean if I wanted to be a guy but didn’t really mind being who i am? it’s not even any guy, it’s like specific guys (like actors,. I don’t know). Sometimes people say they’d rather be an ugly guy than a good looking woman, and I couldn’t relate less. Part of the reason I’m so scared about this (and it’s a big part) is that I’m just so terrified of being ugly. I’m finally conventionally attractive after years of trying to be, and now I’m scared I won’t be anymore. I’m wondering if maybe the first time i thought i was trans i went about it the wrong way (i was obsessed w masculinity, cut my hair, things like that). And is it even worth it doing anything about it if I’m not dysphoric? I’m also very scared about the finding someone to love me and also losing all my friends and family thing (100% will happen). This whole maybe not ever finding a guy to love me thing is really bothering me, too. You can ignore this I’m just venting a lot. Sorry.

hey friend! i think it could help out a lot if you looked into the idea of gender euphoria. the quick description essentially is the opposite of dysphoria, where rather than "being x makes me feel bad," its "being x makes me feel good". there's been a lot of discourse about this over the years and you will still find people out there who will be shitty, but as someone with dysphoria, i have always fallen firmly on the "you do not need dysphoria to be trans" side of things. i believe that if it makes you happy to be a specific way, you shouldnt have to hate being the way you are to be allowed to pursue that. i dont have to turn down a cheesecake just because i don't hate poundcake, suffering is not a requirement to get to the things that make you happy.

i will also say, to me it does sound like a lot of this struggle is based around your ideals irt attractiveness, and while that is very human, it sounds like you also know that your relationship with that is somewhat unhealthy? like, yes, people by and large want others to think they look nice, but that shouldnt come between you loving the body you're in. there are billions of people with billions of opinions and you will never be able to satisfy all of them, and if you try then all those opinions pulling in different directions will draw and quarter you lol. so to me it sounds a bit like itll be hard for you to really unravel your thoughts irt your gender until you're able to work through those hangups around attractiveness? or even that these may be something youll have to unravel in tandem

something that might help start that is next time youre feeling unattractive, rather than pulling away from that feeling or changing something about your look or wallowing in it, take some time to sit with it as a friend. ask it what's so scary about being unattractive. is it societal pressure telling you Girls Have To Be Pretty? is it your parents picking apart your appearance often? is it your friends treating you poorly because of your looks? figure out what it is that has created the unattractive=bad association in your mind, find who has been punishing you (literally or metaphorically) for looking "bad", and ask if you actually did anything wrong that deserves punishment by simply existing on your default settings, or if perhaps it wasnt actually about you at all, and was just about those peoples insecurities. when you pay attention, you start to notice that 99% of the time, attacks against others are defensiveness, they are insecure about something and something you did or said reminded them of it, so now they feel uncomfortable and want it to stop, and the way you do that is either investigate why, or take it out on someone else. and investigating why feels bad and takes a lot of time, so, yknow. path of least resistance, most people will lash out. and that does suck, but in my experience, realizing that made it a thousand times easier to not worry abt other ppls opinions' anywhere near as much. the way that i look is the way that /i/ like, not how society does, because im the one that has to live with me 24/7. society can deal with the horrific terrible burden of seeing me getting gas looking like a 1 occasionally, bc like literally how does that effect them yknow? theyre not harmed in any way by me existing and not looking how they want me to, and it would be weird for them to expect that of me because I Didnt Know They Existed Before Now so how could i possibly dress for them? and why would i?

(that can help w insecurities too ime is like. imagine someone else saying those things to you, would you think theyre an asshole and tell them to fuck off? if yes, you have permission to tell your brain the same thing)

as far as finding someone to love you, i definitely feel that fear but 1000% you have nothing to worry about. the adult queer scene is bursting to the seams with people who will want whatever it is that youre bringing to the table like a man lost in the desert for fifty years being offered a crisp mcdonalds sprite. "but what about-" yes that too. like, enough that they had to make a word specifically for cis people who Really Really Want To Date Trans People A Creepy Amount to distinguish between them and respectful ppl. i promise your dating pool is not small, you're just still in school and/or a small town and dont have access to them yet. give it time, you have decades ahead of you

as far as family and friends, honestly, yeah, you might lose them, im not gonna sugar coat that. and that sucks . so much. and i can tell you theres more people out there to befriend and that you can build a new family but id bet thatd hit about as well as it hits for me. bc truth is that yeah, you can make a new family, but that just isn't the same. there will still be a little hole in your heart reserved for the accepting and loving family and friends you deserved. and i cant really offer any advice on making that go away if thats how it turns out bc its still there for me.

but i also gotta say? the hole is a lot easier to deal with than the knife that put it there. theres still a painful spot but at least im not still actively being hurt More by them. so like im trying very hard not to just say "fuck em who needs em" here bc i know its not that easy and for a lot of people that isn't the right answer anyways, but yknow. thats what i did and im doing better, and at the end of the day i can really only speak from my own experience. either way, just know that there are in fact people out there who will accept and love you regardless of who you are or how you look, and in fact will encourage you to do things that make you look "worse" by society's standards if it makes you happy.

anyways. i hope that wasnt too depresso there, i think ill finish this off by addressing "is it even worth doing anything about it if im not dysphoric?": imo, yes, absolutely. there are parts of me that i wasnt dysphoric about before starting t that now make me ridiculously happy. i never knew i wanted chest hair and yet now i sometimes just sit here staring at it like "!!!!!!". you deserve a body that makes you happy. not a body that makes the people around you happy, not a body you can tolerate, a body that makes YOU happy. you could probably tolerate living in a featureless square apartment with all the bare essentials and 0 decorations if it was cheap, but would it make you happy? personally, i think you deserve to put up posters even if the world thinks theyd look dumb.

[attempted-influencer]

I feel like the larger I’d get as a creator on the internet the more likely it’ll be someone will try to come after me because I’m openly queer and mentally ill so I wanted to state a bunch of my controversial opinions in one post so they can look it up and attack me for them, just to save them the Google searches

- if you make a million dollars a year, or own property, you can afford to redistribute your wealth to people who need it and if you choose not to you are greedy. “Eat the rich” needs to include all of the rich or it does nothing

- I am an anarcho socialist, but if aspects of capitalism such as money still exist I believe we should instate UBI globally, as well as housing assistance programs to ensure anybody who wants to live independently can, as well as prioritizing the houseless. Healthcare, public transit, housing, food, internet, and phone services should be considered necessities and made free for everyone.

- the influence the church has in Canada needs to be cut down, we need to dismantle the catholic school board and funnel any and all of its funding into public schools, convert existing institutions into public schools as well. Ontario and Quebec are the only provinces that still proudly wear blood on their hands and lift up the churches teachings and it’s about time we dismantle that

- furry content is good, depicting animal characters being horny or having sex doesn’t make you into beastiality any more than wanting to fuck monsters does

- while I love cars we need to actively take the time to improve the infrastructure of our cities to better facilitate on foot traffic and make things more accessible for people who utilize mobility aids

- “bisexual lesbian” or any other titles related to those terms aren’t destroying the lgbt community and I think everybody who’s big mad about that should reassess their priorities

- lgbt slurs can have been used against you and they can make an individual feel uncomfortable and we should be cautious about our global use of them but ultimately calling ourselves queer fags is empowering, just yknow, check with someone on an individual basis

- having weird fetishes doesn’t make you an abuser automatically by default. Participating in those fetishes doesn’t make you an abusive person. Gross folks exist in every aspect and especially make themselves known in kink spaces but like, being into shit like bdsm or feederism doesn’t make you a bad person by themselves and if it’s performed with consent and both parties enjoy it and want to do it who cares dude

- I kinda hate how the default response when sexual assault allegations are thrown around is to find holes in the victims story and trying to discredit them rather than believe when a victim speaks. Constant demands and cries for proof from a crime that often leaves little in the way of evidence is exhausting to deal with. We saw it with the very public heard and depp cases, I saw it years ago when everyone attacked Zoe Quinn. Believe victims god Damn it, even if in your eyes they’re not “perfect people” they’re still suffering

- correct pronouns don’t vanish after bad crimes, I saw this with Ezra miller and the sonichu creator where people insisted on using the wrong pronouns for them because they “didn’t count” and anyone seen correcting others was suddenly defending their crimes. Pronouns aren’t conditional based on whether you like someone or not, and if that’s how you treat criminals then how do you treat trans and nonbinary folks who you don’t like?

That’s all I can think of as points for right now, I’m sure this stuff makes someone angry, and if I start to get haters they can cherry pick this and attack me with it ✌️

[undead-moth]

“Being obese fucking sucks.”

This is your opinion. Not every fat person agrees, and your opinion doesn’t trump theirs.

“My folds constantly brush against each other and drive me crazy, I stink more than the average person, I get out of breath easily, my joints hurt while I’m on my early fucking 20s, etc etc”

I see a lot of fat people use “but but but being fat is uncomfortable!” as an excuse for their fat hatred, and to me, it has always indicated a certain level of privilege. If you believe that existing in a body is by default meant to always be comfortable, and use the fact that fatness is uncomfortable as indication something is wrong with fatness, you’re likely able-bodied for one, and not chronically ill or in chronic pain either. If fatness is your only discomfort, you’re privileged. If it’s not your only discomfort, it’s telling that fatness is the discomfort you single out to justify hatred.

Secondly, you stinking more than the average person isn’t because of your weight. Being fat doesn’t make you smell. Nevermind that there are thin people who struggle with personal odor too. My mom knew a thin woman who struggled to even make friends because she smelled, and no matter how much she showered or applied deodorant or wore perfume, she couldn’t fix it. She’d been to fucking doctors about it.

Lots of thin people get out of breath easily. Plenty of fat people do not. If you want to avoid getting out of breath easily, you can improve your stamina and cardiovascular health even without losing weight, and weight loss on its own won’t guarantee improvement either.

Again, lots of thin people’s joints hurt, and lots of fat people’s joints don’t. With exercise and possibly physical therapy, you can improve your joint health and pain, even without weight loss, and weight loss on its own won’t guarantee improvement.

You are blaming things on your weight that you can’t even be sure are caused by your weight, nor can you be sure would be solved by weight loss. Especially discomfort - as someone who was once thin, I guarantee that comes with its own discomfort. Feeling cold all the time, bruising easily, and taking falls or bumps harder and experiencing worse pain because of it are just some of the ways it’s uncomfortable.

“It’s like accepting having cancer, accepting being an addict.”

You comparing fatness to cancer is disgusting.

Addicts who accept their addiction and aren’t actively trying to quit should also be accepted, and some of them, whether you believe it or not, are making the best choice for themselves. Others might not be, but that is their choice. It’s their body.

And by the way, even if, for argument’s sake, fatness was really and truly on par with fucking cancer, do you see people ridiculing cancer patients? Are cancer patients despised? Is it societally acceptable to mock, insult, and berate cancer patients? No. How is it in your mind that fatness is acceptable to hate because it’s like cancer, when cancer patients aren’t hated?

“Like why would anyone WANT to be like this?”

Your inability to understand that not everyone wants the same thing is not other fat people’s problem. You don’t need to understand why there are fat people who want to be fat to accept that. It doesn’t even affect you. Why do you care? Does another fat person choosing to stay fat somehow prevent you from losing weight? Does a fat person who likes being fat somehow prevent you from hating being fat?

“Why do you want people to have no hope for a better future, no hope to finally feel at home in their body? Stop trying to get people to give up. We deserve to improve our lives.”

Who says all fat people’s hope hinges on weight loss? Who says there aren’t fat people who already feel at home in their body? Who says that we’re all trying to lose weight? Who says weight loss would improve every fat person’s life? Speak for yourself.

My hope for my future hinges on fat acceptance. My body already is my home. I can’t give up what I’m not currently doing. Nevermind that “giving up” diet culture and self-hatred for my fatness is the single greatest thing I have ever done in my life. My single greatest regret in life is choosing to diet for the first time when I was seventeen. I wish daily I could go back and stop myself from losing weight the first time. Weight loss changed my life for the worse more than once, and in more than one way.

All this to say, most fat people who have “given up” diet culture, who aren’t trying to lose weight, who are advocating for fat acceptance, once used to be you. Most of them have gone on a long long journey toward self-acceptance.

I used to be you. I know exactly how you feel and where you’re coming from.

So you don’t need to say this fucking garbage to us. We have fought hard to get away from it all and all you’re trying to do is destroy our peace because you can’t find yours. Keep your fat misery to yourself. Come back when you’re ready to give fat joy a shot.

Please stop lying to people, being obese fucking sucks.

My folds constantly brush against each other and drive me crazy, I stink more than the average person, I get out of breath easily, my joints hurt while I’m in my early fucking 20s, etc etc….

Fat acceptance shouldn’t be a thing, people shouldn’t accept being fat. It’s like accepting having cancer, accepting being an addict. Like why would someone WANT to be like this? I’m not saying it’s easy to lose weight, but it is damned possible! Why do you want people to have no hope for a better future, no hope to finally feel at home in their body? Stop trying to get people to give up. We deserve to improve our lives.

Sincerely, an actually morbidly obese person.

respectfully, I really do wish for all fat people to improve their lives, and we can do that without losing weight, by building community and supporting each other, and dismantling the systems that oppress us. because for the vast majority of people, no, weight loss is not possible. it just causes more harm. It hurts my heart that you view being fat as the same as cancer and view my work as “giving up,” but that’s simply not true. I sincerely hope you can find your way to fat liberation and learn that there are ways to take care of your body, mind, & soul that don’t involve starving and shrinking.

[writingwithcolor]

I have a surgeon character in a 25th century sci-fi setting (Star Trek), working on a spaceship, who is Cuban. She was born in Cuba and lived there until she was 7, then moved to California, and may or may not have moved back to Cuba before she became an adult.

Right now, she could be ""any other"" ethnicity/nationality, but she's supposed to be Cuban.

There's 400 years of fictional history (now - 2400s) that no one has come up with, and since history to some extent impacts culture, I feel like I'm at a loss. I found a specific city that has a yearly parade that's a big thing, but beyond that I don't have much.

She's also autistic, and most autistic characters are kids, white men, and sometimes white women. She doesn't fit the typical Hispanic/Latino stereotypes, but that "defaults" her to white in the common perception.

I hope this ask makes sense, thanks!

Original Cuban character in Star Trek fanfiction, Futurist Country

We don’t have active Cuban mods right now, so we are going to pass this along to Cuban and Cuban-diaspora followers, especially Cuban-American. Please respond in the notes.

How to write a country in the future

The good news is that you are writing science fiction, which is inherently speculative fiction -- so you get to speculate! Read some history and get some ideas. 

Cuban/Cuban diaspora followers --

What are some things that would both make you happy or annoy you if a sci-fi writer had it happen in Cuban history over the next 400 years? 

If someone didn’t really make up any future history and just had a character in space who grew up in Cuba without going into detail about what it was like, would that be all right with you or bug you?

(OP, hopefully you’ll get a multiplicity of answers because no group is a monolith.) History does impact culture -- for example, back in the early 2000’s my college roommate has suggested that Jean-Luc Picard (who is French) speaks with a British accent because England colonized France in the future -- but if the focus of your fanfiction is something else especially if it’s in space, personally I don’t think you have to make up an entire future history just to make her Cuban. Disclaimer that I am just one opinion and naturally I defer to Cuban/Cuban diaspora followers here.

Choice of backstory

Some information that you might find useful -- according to the 2010 census, around 1.26 million Cuban Americans live in Florida compared with 98,000 in California. That’s almost thirteen times as many. However, you can still write what you described, because 1. Those 98 thousand people exist and matter too and 2. Even if they didn’t, I understand that Starfleet Academy and other important Star Trek things are in California, so there’s always a way to write things that aren’t the most common combination in real life. (Anyone from anywhere has to go where Starfleet is; I understand that.) The lived experiences might be different for Cubans in California vs Florida because of the size of the community, so make sure you're specifically researching what it's like to be part of the Cuban disapora in California.

In other words: why California? Is it because of Starfleet? That’s fine. Is it because Cuban is a form of Latin and California has a large Latin population? That’s still okay, just be aware that the Cuban diaspora population isn’t what it is in Florida.

Defaulting to white because of not fitting stereotype

“She doesn't fit the typical Hispanic/Latino stereotypes, but that "defaults" her to white in the common perception.“

I am uncomfortable with this line. So you’re saying other characters perceive her as white because she doesn’t fit present-day, 21st century stereotypes of what it means to be a Latina? I’d change this detail if this were my story. Also this is Star Trek; far away in space they don’t seem to treat individual human ethnicities as crucial as the fact that we’re from Earth anyway. Why would they just not take her at face value as an Earth person who says she’s Latina?

If you are using Trek fanfic as a way to write out your own experiences of being hurtfully defaulted to white by others, by the way, that is obviously fine.

--Shira

Edit: There’s great answers in response to this post. Please check them out!

[nothorses]

Perhaps you are the wrong person to ask but irespect your opinion as a fellow trans masc. I struggle a lot with my feelings about women, womanhood and feminism, i feel very afraid and resentful when I relate to women. I dont let it get in my way and i dont voice it, and I avoid places where it will be very woman based, but I dont like feeling like this. I think its because relating to women feels wrong as a man/enby/not a woman because transphobes shame us for any similarities to women, but i also hate it when people deny any similarity of experience or insist we're a danger to women inherently. I worry this kind of shame and fear will make misogynistic and well, it would be directed at myself as well because of dysphoria and the connection I feel to women bc of its where I came from. I dont think it will but if you've dealt with this how do you handle it? I hope this doesnt seem like im asking for therapy, I'm considering going to a gender therapist about it anyway, i would just really appreciate more transmasc perspectives bc ik its unlikely ill have a transmasc therapist.

You're definitely not alone there! I think most transmascs go through this.

What's helped me, personally, is to reframe my understanding of manhood a little bit.

Cis men generally don't relate to womanhood the way we do, sure; but they're also not the only men that exist, and their version of manhood is not the only version that's valid and real. If we are to believe that trans men are just as much men as cis men are, that means that our version of manhood is just as much real as theirs is.

Which means that if our version of manhood includes (or can include) relating to womanhood, having experienced misogyny as the intended target- and usually internalizing it, having experienced womanhood often in the same way, or a very similar way, to how cis women do, etc... that's still a valid version of manhood. And it makes us no less men than anything else.

It's also important to remember that these experiences aren't always that binary; there are cis men who will relate to womanhood more than some trans men do, and not all trans men will relate to these experiences at all. The point here is that gender, and even gender-based experiences, aren't as binary and separate as they're made out to be; men often experience or relate to things women do, and that's fine, and normal, and doesn't pose any kind of challenge to our manhood.

I've found that reframing also helps with the fear of becoming misogynistic: I know that I can relate to women, and talk about my experiences with womanhood, and that it makes me no less a man than I would be otherwise. I know that when I do feel weird and uncomfortable with proximity to womanhood, it's because of dysphoria, not any kind of hatred of women. And I know that manhood is not inherently misogynistic, and being a man will not turn me into a misogynist by default.

It's normal to still have worries about this stuff, and maybe those reassurances won't help you as much as they've helped me to internalize; but sometimes having the logic to talk yourself through can help a little bit.