#having my first appointment to start T tomorrow!

[mycobacteria]

to any of you folks who are on testosterone (particularly testogel), what are some things you wish you'd known when you started taking it? what sorts of questions did you ask/ want to ask your doctor about it?

[ruvviks]

you ever get so upset you just wanna fucking THROW UPPPP

[kittyscupcakeandbunny]

CRAZY OVER YOU x MIN YOONGI

[HYBRID AU]

PART ONE

Love at first bite

Side Characters: Namjoon/doctor, Seokjin/doctor, Taehyung/Hybrid Tiger.

Warnings: Smut, mentions of blood, sharp objects, rut, beast behavior, medical experiments, meds.

Genre: Fantasy, hybrids au, smut.

SUMMARY》 Yoongi is a black mamba hybrid one of rarest species of hybrids, who’s about to be put down due to his lack of interest in living. But everything changes after the new medical assistance (y/n) takes a liking to him. Meeting after meeting he realise his feelings for her are not the only thing growing.

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My feet hurt. I’ve been running back and forth around the clinic way past my working hours already.

To be honest I think the assistants work more than the doctors, I should have gone home by now. My shift ended four hours ago. Yet i couldn’t go home.

Lately the clinic has been very busy, hybrids were coming in and out of the clinic to get treatment and the fact that so many rescued hybrids from the outside were coming, made the ones we had already been taking care of at the clinic agitated. With their higher level of hearing and smelling it was impossible to completely hide the different cents.

The world we live in is not the same anymore, we exists between hybrids. And I work in a clinic that takes care of them.

The biggest hybrid clinic in our city, is was more then just a clinic for hybrid species. It was a hospital, lab where scientific studies and research took place, and a clinic for treatments.

It was late at night when things seemed to have cooled down. I decided to drink some coffee at the cafeteria on the first floor.

Sitting down in one of the tables I put my hot coffee over it, taking the files of my patients for tomorrow morning in hand reading their appointments and preparing for it.

- yn! - I look up to see Hoseok, one of the assistants that worked on the especial cases.

- hey hobi - i greet him, he sits down in front of me looking more exausted than ever. - oh you look awful…

- don’t even tell me about it - he said - guess who was my patient today?

- no idea… - I tell him, taking a sip from my coffee.

- the snake hybrid - he said, I almost gagged in my coffee.

- no way! What is like? - i asked, the most special hybrid in our clinic was the rarest one. The black mamba hybrid.

- an asshole? - he said, I chuckled at him - no seriously, he’s so difficult to treat like he doesn’t eat because he doesn’t like the food, always complain about the people around him… and today, he bit my colleague be cause he didn’t like that way he smelled.

- he bit him? - i asked, completely amused.

- yes, he’s in the hospital by now - at his words I looked up at him worried.

- so… - before I said anything my phone start to ring. I sight tiredly - gotta go.

He only nodded understanding as I got up from my seat to leave.

- hey… - I say as I take the call. I threw the plastic cup of coffee in the trash can as I leave the cafeteria.

- boss is looking for you - he tells me. It was one of my coworkers.

- I’ll go then, thanks.

I turned off the call making my way to the elevators in the hallway. By boss he meant Seokjin, it was a nickname we all agreed on since he’s the director of the clinic. As I walked towards the elevators i kept wondering why he asked for me at this hour, Jin was usually so busy I could bearly talk to him not did I ever seen him having lunch break or any break at all. He always made sure the hybrids were well treated at the clinic and worked really hard for it.

From afar i notice Namjoon standing there in front of the elevator doors waiting for it, he was looking through some papers on his hand too focused to even notice my presence beside him.

- hey - i greet him.

- hey… - he reply, not looking my way. He had a hard expression on his features.

Once the door opened in front of us we both get in the elevator, me fallowing right after him. I press the bottom to the third floor.

- what is this? - I ask him intrigued, as he seemed completely focused on the paper to notice his surroundings.

- my new patient - he sighed now looking at me - he’s one of the rare hybrids we have and it looks like he’s going to get put down.

- what? Why? - I was genuinely surprised, rare hybrids were so special in the clinic one of them being put down could only meant one thing - is he sick?

- no - he said getting out of the elevator once the door opened at our desire floor, i fallow him - just an asshole.

- oh? - i was genuinely confused, but didn’t push him to tell me - You going to Jin’s office?

- yes - he said, lookin stressed - he called me to discuss this patient, what about you?

- He called for me but, I don’t know yet - i reply, we walked the long corridor till were finally standing in front of Seokjins office.

After nocking on the door and receiving a low “come in” from Seokjin we both made our way inside his office. Namjoon opened the door for me to get in first then he fallowed me behind, shutting the door. Jin sat on his desk, hands on his face as he covered his eyes in despair looking more tired than ever, a look i never thought I would see on his face.

- Jin you look… - he didn’t let me finish.

- I know - he sighted, now looking at us both in front of him.

- why did you called us? - Namjoon asked.

- I need your help with this rare hybrid case - He said.

Jin started walking around his desk to sit down.

- my father passed to me the responsibility of taking care of the… euthanasia of him.

- but why? - i asked.

- well… it’s been years and he never once put it in the effort to live - he said taking a few papers and giving it to me and Namjoon, the hybrid records - he’s not eating anymore, doesn’t get any heats, makes no effort on mating and doesn’t let anyone help with his shedding .

- Shedding? - i asked, so he means… the rare snake hybrid.

- yes. He’s now in your hands - Jin said, looking at me and Namjoon.

- you want us to do exactly what? - Namjoon asked - from the looks of it, doesn’t seem like we can do anything about it.

- you both will be working on this case with me, the big boss - he made a sing pointing up, signaling the higher ups, his father - found a female rare snake hybrid and he wants them to reproduce before euthanizing him.

I felt sick.

- are you kidding me?! - i said, stunted - you’re just going to… - I couldn’t even say it - after all theses years?

- I know that’s why i want you guys to work on it, - a long sigh left his lips - i only trust you both with this.

- maybe we can help him out and not put him down? - I tell him.

- believe me y/n - Jin looked at me deep in the eyes - we tried but…. Sometimes is better this way, is hard on him too.

I looked down at the papers in my hands.

Min Yoongi - snake hybrid.

Code: RED. Dangerous species. Specie: Black mamba.

Date of birth: Unknown. Male.

Current status: to be put down. Date: three months from now.

Resume: This patient needs to be prepared for a mating season as he had never had one, to ensure the precision and higher chances of reproduction of the rare hybrid species. The black mamba hybrid is to be taken care of from now to the time of mating, every side effect must be related to the one in charge of the case. To ensure assurance that this case will be dealt with assertiveness.

I felt sick.

….

I couldn’t help but think about it for the rest of the day. The fact that they would just give up on him after all these years of testing and keeping him lock up in here that he simply didn’t want to make any effort to live anymore, and how the clinic was just going to put him down not giving a single care about him for real.

They are going to end him right after they get him to reproduce, just to ensure they still have a rare hybrid of his specie. Another one to end just like him.

Looking down at the food in front of me I felt sick in my stomach at that. How could they?

- you look deep in thought - Namjoon said over me, he sat down in front of me after putting his tray of food on the table.

- sorry i just can’t stop thinking…

- about the hybrid? - he said - look I know you and I’m sure that’s why Jin chose you to assist me with this case but, let’s just make sure he at least leave in peace okay?

- okay..

No.

I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. You don’t know me Namjoon, I’ll make sure that hybrid lives.

No matter what it takes.

- we’ll meet him later right? - i ask him, he looks at me over his lashes as he holds his phone looking at it.

- yeah, after lunch - he takes off his glasses - are you ready to see the snake hybrid for the first time?

- yeah - I wonder what he looks like, most hybrids have some feature that help identifying what kind of hybrid they are. Does the snake hybrid has scales all over him? - he shouldn’t look too scary right?

Namjoon only giggle at my question, a knowing smile growing on his lips and my mind quickly realizing it.

- Kim Namjoon! You’ve meet him already! - i stated.

- of course I did, he had an appointment at six in the morning. - he said, a sight leaving his lips - What an ass.

- why so early? - knowing Namjoon hates waking up too early, he must felt stressed. Especially having to take care of a hybrid that demands so much more care.

- His sleep circle is different… - he started - and since we are trying to get him to feel the beginning of a heat so he can mate, his room was changed to acommodate him.

- oh… - realization hits me - so it will give the illusion of his heat beginning?

- yes, we also changing the room temperature to make it happen as naturally as possible - he said - the hotter the better.

- no way… - i said - I’ll have to work in hell too?

- trust me.. it doesn’t need hot temperatures to make it hell. - Namjoon looked at me - he’s good at that on his own.

- is he that bad? - he couldn’t be… right?

- I’ll let you see it for yourself - was all Namjoon said.

After lunch Namjoon passed me the instructions of our appointment with the snake hybrid, since he wasn’t eating he had to take vitamins straight into the blood.

To be honest i felt sad at that. You don’t eat when you don’t have an appetite, is he that bad in condition to not even eat? They’ve been neglecting him for so long and now are trying to force him to mate.

More and more i questioned if what i was doing was right.

I walk beside Namjoon towards the elevators, special hybrids stay on the sixth floor so that’s where we’re headed. They need to be separated from the other hybrids as their instincts are a lot more higher and demand more care, you can’t put cat hybrid in the same place you have a wolf hybrid. So we divided the floor for special species, wild hybrids in a floor and domestic hybrids in one. Of course there’s the special cases divided by codes, the snake hybrid was a code red which meant he was dangerous. Code reds are usually the hardest one to work with because they can and will hurt their doctors and especially other hybrids. Some don’t really mind the doctor but, other hybrids. Like a lion who sees a deer. They will always see them as a pray. So we have to keep them separate.

I look in front of me over the silver tray with the meds and vitamins he must take everyday, today Jin won’t be joining us he only will when much more serious procedures are to be taking action.

Namjoon is the one with the code to the hybrid door, each hybrid had their own room to accommodate all their individual needs. The snake room wasn’t different.

As soon as the door is open a heat of hot air hits me, the room is a bit dark but the lights get brighter as we enter, Namjoon walks towards the hybrid who lays on a big bed in the center of the room. Almost looking like a nest with all the covers and pillows around it.

I make my way to the table beside the door to prepare the meds and vitamins.

- good afternoon Yoongi - Namjoon says to the hybrid - time for your meds and vitamins.

- i don’t need it…. - a deep male voice says, the hairs in the back of my neck shivering at the sound of him - who’s is that?

He meant me. My heart skipped a beat at getting his attention. He is the first special hybrid I’ve ever meet. One of the most dangerous one too.

- that’s my assistant - Namjoon tells him, he’s talking about me - everything ready y/n?

- yes Joon… - i turn to him taking the silver tray with me.

Stopping in my tracks as I take in the figure of the hybrid. He didn’t look like anything i imagined, he didn’t have weird snake eyes and not was his skin full of scales like the reptile. He looked almost human… if it wasn’t for the almost unnoticeable scales on his neck that fallowed up to his ears so delicately, as he moved his head to the side eyes locked over my figure the scales shined a bit. A color of white pearl and soft grey.

He wore something different from what I was used to see on the other hybrids, while the others wore a type of pijama white clothing he whore silk shining bottom up shirt and pants.

Realizing i wasn’t moving and just staring rudely at the hybrid I quickly made my way to Namjoon to give him the meds. My checks burning.

- no - the hybrid said looking at Namjoon with a bored expression - i don’t like the way you smell… i won’t take anything from you.

- you still need to take your vitamins - Namjoon insisted taking one of the syringe from the tray.

- i said I don’t need it - the hybrid growls, coming closer.

- your condition tells me otherwise - Namjoon said to him, both looking at each other. The temperature seemed to rise even more as they looked almost like provoking each other. A silent fight.

The hyrbrid eyes found mine staring at his, he looked at me up and down no expression on his face. Than turned to Namjoon.

- she can do it - he said, a bored expression coming back to his features.

- she’s not in charge of that - Namjoon said, a stern lock on face - I’m the one who is, so get over it.

I looked at him chocked. He seemed angry. Namjoon who usually is calm and careful with his patients was now the complete opposite, he stood his ground and faced the hybrid as if trying to prove he was the Alfa.

And for the first time I was angry at him, not only this was a delicate case. The hybrid could attack if he felt threatened. That could only worsen the situation for the hybrid.

- I can do it Joon - i tell him quietly turning to him lifting the silver tray for him to take it. I gave him a nod of assurance. He looked at me than the hybrid.

- are you sure about it y/n? - he asked me, worry over his face now.

- of course i can - i assure him - I do it all the time.

His eyes locked with mine as he talked. I heard Namjoon sighed as he turned to me taking the silver tray from my hands.

Giving him a small smile I took the vitamins syringe, the hybrid stood in front of me opening his white shirt one bottom after the other eyes locked with mine to catch my reaction, I tried not give any reactions and keep my gaze eye level but it was impossible when he stood right there exposing his beautiful skin for me.

He wasn’t covered in scales as many would’ve imagine but definitely had a few on his ribs that fallowed down to his v line, just like before they shined a bit over the light a white pearl with silver. I gulped down eyes looking back into his as he stood in front of me reveling his left arm for me to aply the syringe. His eyes never once left mine, he had eyes so dark I couldn’t tell if there was any color in them black light the night sky.

I held his arm to insert the syringe into his skin, he didn’t move at all. During the whole processe he didn’t broke the eye contact. Cleaning the small bit of blood that came after taking the syringe off his skin. Namjoon gave me the next one, i apply it into his skin once again. After the last one, I cleaned and put a small piece of medical tape over it so it doesn’t bleed.

- I’m done… - i say, standing next to Namjoon. He gave me the tray and I took it to the table beside the door.

The hybrid began to bottom up his shirt. Namjoon look it up the papers for the hybrid next appointment as I took the small white cup with he’s meds walking back to the hybrid I held the cup up for him to take. He took the cup from my hand brushing his fingers over mine, his hand looking much bigger than mine, I kept my focus on that too nervous to look up into his dark eyes again. I held the water up for him, which he took it again brushing his fingers over mine. He drank it my eyes fallowing up at his neck starring at the scales over his skin. They looked so delicate almost like a painting over his skin, closer you could see that little silver that shined over the light. Not realizing he came closer until I felt his breath hitting over my face, making me look at him immediately. Dark eyes staring into mine with boredom, he tilted his head to the side coming closer inspecting my face.

- you’re not afraid? - he whispered, only for me to hear. My breath got stuck on my throat.

- should I be?… - I whispered back, swallowing hard. He looked down at me than back into my eyes, tilting his head to the other side black orbs staring deep into mine i fallow his move tilting my head to the same side. Complete hypnotized by him.

- any changes in your shedding? - Namjoon asked the hybrid, while writing something down on the paper. - it should have started already.

At hi voice I came back to reality, turning quickly with the two cups. Taking them to the table beside the door to despose of them int he trash can.

Making my way back to stand beside Namjoon once I was done, my eyes going back to the hybrid standing in front of us.

He had the same expression as before, unbothered.

- same as always - he answered tiredly, going back to his bed.

I saw the way his plain answer made Namjoon clench his jaw. He wasn’t making any effort to cooperate with Namjoon, I notice he was difficult but not an asshole. It was painful to watch them interact, Namjoon clearly didn’t like the way the hybrid acted but, I have dealt with a few difficult hybrids before this was only a way to protect themselves after going through so much.

This behavior seemed to be common with Wild species, I’ve seen it before with a lion hybrid I took care of before.

Sometimes you just have to be persistent, and careful.

- I heard it could be painful if not taken care of, is everything alright with it? - i asked this time, which made both males look at me.

The hybrid looked at me not saying anything for a while. Than he smirked and walked towards me making Namjoon stand closer to me protectively. He looked at Namjoon smile slowly falling forming into a bored expression again, showing how the presence of the other male affected him.

- I don’t want any of your help with it - he said, eyes locked into mine - last time…

- you almost killed one of our doctors - Namjoon interrupted the hybrid, one arm closing around me to put me back.

Almost…

- he shouldn’t have touched me - the hybrid said eyes burning over Namjoon, anger on his face.

Hands closing into fists, he walked closer to us standing in front of Namjoon. He was ready to attack if needed, if something is not done it could end very badly Namjoon doesn’t notice but with this behavior he is provoking the hybrid to act instinctively.

It is clear that the heat season has started for him and in mating season hybrids tend to get more competitive and sensitive, a male showing up to his space staring dominance wouldn’t do any good.

- you both stop - i said releasing myself from Namjoon standing between them both, turning to the hybrid I said - please, Yoongi let me treat you okay?

He didn’t like when people crossed his boundaries i get that, sometimes it could be very overwhelming. But knowing what they are going to do to him because of that behavior, i just couldn’t help but get in between them. It was something we could work out and maybe if i succeed they won’t put him down anymore.

- it is important that you go through your shedding the easiest way possible - i tell him - so I’ll be in charge of it okay? How is that?

He looked at me for a while, slightly turning his head to the side. Pundering the idea in his head. For some reason he looked me up and down before looking at Namjoon behind me, a small smile making its way to his lips.

- only if is you - was all he said before going back to his bed.

A sight of relief leaving my lips, even though I cloud feel the stare of Namjoon a glare over my back.

…

To say Namjoon didn’t like that idea was an understatement. He hate it.

Insisting it was a bad idea to proceed with hybrid treatment by myself, that could be dangerous not only that but the fact that the hybrid had poison on his teeth just like a snake would. It wasn’t lethal but enough to cause discomfort, and it was what had happened the last time they tried to help with his shedding.

But that didn’t changed my mind. Not after I actually meet him, it seemed to me he didn’t want any one close that felt threatening to him. He wasn’t just any kind of hybrid, not a dog that loves attention and touch but a snake one. Snakes always acted out when feeling threatened. Attacking was their only defense.

So it made sense to me that he would be reluctant to let anyone get too close, especially after heaving so many tests on him without his consent. He’s been so mistreated and now they want to put him down.

It angers me.

I decided to chose an hour where i knew Namjoon would be busy in a meeting to do that. No long after we had left the hybrid room he began to lecture me on how dangerous Yoongi could be, that i shouldn’t act like that when he was the one in charge of this case. It slipped his mouth that the clinic simply started to give him vitamins when he stopped eating so he wouldn’t die.

It came to me how neglected he’s been this whole time. After that i decided to secretly go to the hybrid and feed him, which was where i was headed now.

I made sure no one was around once i stopped in front of the hybrid door. Using the number code I saw Namjoon used before to open the lock on it. It made a sound before opening.

The hot air hitting my face as I entered, they had turned higher this time it was hotter than before. The lights slowly began to light up as I walked in, the door closing behind me automatically.

At that the hybrid came up from his bed looking confused at me. Of course. I shouldn’t be there.

- hey - i greet him. He doesn’t say anything.

I walk up to him, stoping in front of the nest looking bed. A sing of his heat starting. That was a good sign. He held himself up with his arms looking my up from the bed.

- why are you here? - his voice was low and heavy.

- I just… - I trailed off as he fully lifted his body form his laying position, now sitting on his bed. Shirt open and sliding off his shoulders, not showing much but enough to see his scales.

He looked me over his lashes checks a bit red and sweat falling over the side of his face.

- i brought you something… - a sight left his lips - are you okay?

- yeah… what did you brought me? - his curious dark eyes following my body as I came closer.

- it’s tangerines - i say, showing him the two fruits i held in my hands.

- what’s a tangerine? - he asked eyeing them closer.

- you don’t know? - i gasped. Sitting beside him i slowly began to open one in a half giving it to him, he smelled before looking at me not knowing what to do.

- I never seen one… smells nice - he said.

- you eat it - i tell him, taking one and holding in front of his lips. He didn’t move at all, only looked at me.

For a moment I thought I had crossed his bounderies, for a moment I thought I was just being stupid. But then it came to me, he hasn’t eaten in years. He don’t even know what a tangerine is.

Maybe he didn’t even felt hunger anymore. Maybe he’ll throw the stupid fruit at me.

My checks were getting warmer as I felt nervous but, slowly he smelled the fruit in my hand taking a careful bite of it. Still looking at me, the juicy fruit spilling a bit in my fingers.

I watched him expectedly, wondering if he will like it or hated. He swallowed and looked at the fruit in my hand.

- that’s good… - he said. I sight of relief left my lips.

- you want more? - i asked him, he nodded slowly making me smile.

He didn’t move a single finger to eat though, I had to feed him the two tangerines the whole time. It didn’t bother me though, I felt so happy seeing him eat something other then taking those vitamins.

It means so much in the process of a hybrids treatment that they are feeding themselves, i couldn’t hold my happiness as I watched him.

Once he eat all of them he looked at me then at my hands, dark eyes shining under the light.

- sorry it was all I got - I tell him. - I’ll bring you more if you want.

- you will? - his eyes shining bright as he looked at me. I nodded at him.

- can i ask you… why you don’t eat? - i said, he doesn’t look at me turning to look at the floor.

- I don’t… feel like it… - he simply said.

He looked so sad now. No appetite wasn’t good. When in the absence of sickness it could only mean he was very depressed. They wanted to put him down because he was depressed.

I wouldn’t let them.

- You don’t seem to mind me around you… - I comment.

- you smell good. - he said, turning to look at me - and delicious, like tangerines.

I chuckled at his comparison. He watched me attentively, a different light on his dark eyes now.

- okay… I try my best to take care of you - i tell him. For a moment he only stares at me.

Red checks and bit of sweat on his chest, he turned his head to the side still raring at me. I fixed my glasses feeling a bit intimidated by his deep stare.

- You… - before he could end his sentence the door opened.

Namjoon entered the room looking at us confused, his eyes falling over my presence there. I shouldn’t be here. It’s what I read in his eyes.

- yn? - he asked, confusion clearly on his voice as he walked closer to where I was with the hybrid.

- Oh hey I was just… - i tried to make up an excuse but he cut me mid sentence.

- Leaving, right? - he interrupted. I swallowed nervous. He was never hard on me, hearing him be like that wasn’t nice.

- Yeah… - i murmured, taking the fruit peels with me as I got up from the hybrids bed.

- No… - Yoongi held my wrist stopping me, turned to look at him but he stared at Namjoon.

- You have an appointment with me now, it doesn’t include y/n so let her go… - for some reason Namjoons way of putting what he was doing there made me nervous.

I know he would never hurt a hybrid, but yoongi was very reluctant to any one else being too close to him. Namjoons display of dominance could make him defensive and things might not go well.

- maybe I could help - i tried to sound calm.

- y/n, your here to assist me not take over the procedures - Namjoon tells me, his words sending a sharp sting in my heart.

I couldn’t find words to reply his. Too embarrassed by his words to me in front of the hybrid, i bit into my lower lip. Not looking at them.

- Let her go yoongi - Namjoon said walking towards us.

At his words I realized Yoongi was now standing behind me, hand still around my wrist. His slow breathing hitting my shoulder. I lifted my gaze to Namjoon who now seemed a bit worried. But the hybrids closeness to me wants what made me uncomfortable.

- Yoongi… - Namjoon warned.

- Joon don’t - I tell him holding my hand up for him not to get closer - can you wait a bit?

He looked at me reluctant before nodding, still not taking his eyes off the hybrid. I turned to Yoongi slowly, a small smile on my lips as I stared into his deep dark orbs, to make sure he knew I was fine.

- Are you okay? - he asked me, I looked at him surprised. - he hurt you with his words.

I couldn’t hide my surprise at his words, he could tell from just that?

- It’s okay… I don’t care about his words - I whispered o him, giving him a small smile.

I tried to take my wrist from his hold but he didn’t let go, not to hard to hurt me. I could tell he was being careful not to use his full strength on me.

- Will you came back? - he asked, eyes looked into mine.

- Of course. - i tell him.

With that he let go of my wrist.

I turned to Namjoon taking his arm to leave the hybrid room. He reluctantly fallowed me towards the door of the room. Once we were both outside I kept my hold on his arm taking him with me around the corridor towards the elevators.

- where you taking me? - he asked, as if nothing had happened earlier.

- To Seokjin, we need to have a talk - i tell him, anger boiled over me.

- We? - he pushed his arm out of my grip - You’re being the irresponsible one not me!

- I’m!? - I stopped in the middle of the corridor, turning to him anger building up through my body.

- Yes! - he stated, closer to me - Do I need to remind you of your position here?

- Do I need to remind you of your stupid ego standing between the safety of a hybrid and your pride?! - i yell at him.

At that he went quiet.

- were talking with Seokjin now. - i state - I won’t let you make this whole processe more difficult than it has to be just because of your pride.

I held his arm again, taking him with me to the elevators. He didn’t say anything else anymore, I could tell he was angry but so was I.

The whole time he was only stating dominance over Yoongi, I was tired of them all thinking that could just hurt the hybrid even more now just because she was going to be put down.

I wouldn’t let them.

The walk to Seokjins office was quiet except for the tense energy around us, once I stood in front of his door I don’t bother to nock. Entering with anger burning under my skin.

Seokjin gave me a curious look, as he was folding some paper on his desk.

- sorry Jin - i say. He looked at me and Namjoon a questioned look on his face. - we need to talk about Yoongi.

- oh, right - he says - what is it?

- She’s being… - Namjoon started, but I interrupted him.

- Yoongi has been showing clear signs of discomfort with male doctors - at that Namjoon scoffed, I looked at him angry turning my gaze to Jin as I continued - he say he will do the appointments as long as I’m the one closer to him.

- I see.. - Jin thinks for a moment before continuing - what’s the problem?

- Namjoon is not letting me - i tell him, arms crossed over my chest.

-She just went into his room without any one knowing and… - Namjoon began.

- And gave him food - i say, looking at him. We both shared a look of hatred before Jin interrupted.

- What? - Jin asked.

- He eat… - I tell him.

- He… he eat food? - they both looked at me surprise.

- Yes, I’m sure I can help a lot more with this case if you let me take charge of the procedures that involves more… closeness to him, he’s been through a lot and seemed more calm around me.

- I see… - Jin pondered the idea first - then as long as you’re not alone for safety reasons, I don’t see a problem with you taking charge of his appointments.

- But she’s.. - Namjoon says, but is cut by Jin.

- Namjoon, y/n has been taking care of hybrids for years she knows what she’s doing, please I need you both working on this together - Jin says, sounding tired.

Namjoon only nods.

- any updates about him? - jin asked.

- i can tell that his heat i starting - I say - his behavior at least shows me that.

- okay… we’ll than we are almost there - Jin says - keep that good work and please, do this together.

- thanks jin - i tell him, he gives me a nod and i make my way to leave the office.

Namjoon stayed behind. I didn’t payed much mind to it. Quickly making my way out of there walking to the elevators, I had a lot of work to do other than Yoongi case.

More patients that needed treatment just as badly, not the he wasn’t just as special to me.

…..

It was late at night again.

I wasn’t planning to staying late again but, a hybrid was just checked in after being attacked by a another wild hybrid. The same case has happened before, that is way wild hybrids where never up for adoption. Yet some people always manage to get them, usually never for good reasons.

The poor hybrid this time was a bunny one, I was surprised when I first saw him. Usually bunny hybrids where the smallest species to exist but, this one was big. Not too tall but very muscular and strong.

When he was checked in he was still in defense mode, attacking every one and very scared. They had to apply a sedative on him to finally be able to put him on his room.

You could guess my reaction after I was told the story and short after that, Hoseok told me I was the one in charge of his case.

My shift ended hours ago and yet here I was cleaning cuts on the face of a bunny hybrid who seemed to know nothing about shutting up.

- such a pretty doctor I have.. - he said, a smile on his lips as he looked at me.

- Jungkook stop talking I’m trying to apply the med on your lip… - i tell him for the fifth time already, he only chuckled.

I sight taking a clean cotton with med to clean the cut over his eyebrow, he was sitting over his bed as I stood between his legs to clean his bruises.

He shouldn’t be awake. He was sedated before but, no long after he was wide awake and talking none stop, he commented on my but and how lucky he was to be treated by me.

I only sighted. That was knew. Usually my patients where too scared to be treated at first. So I just brushed off his comments.

Jungkook was abandoned when younger by his last owner, he then grow up in an underground fighting club where clandestine fights were held. He told me he was the best one there, a lot of people bet on him at the fights until he got in trouble with this one wolf hybrid.

- how did you end up here again? - I asked him.

- I was… - his checks went red and he looked down - to be honest I’m still.. ah, I was in heat…

- oh.. - I looked at him, still no understanding. He was shy, ears dropping beside his head.

- I was trading to mate but… so was the wolf… - he said.

- but you’re…

- she wasn’t like me… - he tells me, realizing what he meant I felt a warm wave up my checks.

Different species trying to mate, that was the first time I heard that, the underground has a lot going on than.

- well… it could happen - I say, making sure I cleaned every bruise on his face - here in the clinic we help our hybrids with all their needs, so don’t worry.

- oh.. will you treat me than doctor? - he asked, amused.

- yes, you’re my patient - i tell him, taking his file to prescribe him his medication and future exams.

- humm… - he only murmured - doctor are you in heat?

His question gets me by surprise and I look at him, mouth opening and closing. Just what was going on now? Did he perhaps hit his head too?

At my expression he chuckled one arm closing around my waist as he pulled me closer to him, I gasped feeling his nose against my neck. Not knowing what to do I held my hand up in the air, too afraid to even touch him. The smallest reaction could start something I wasn’t intending to.

- I can smell in you… - he says over my ear, my checks burning hot - hum, ready to be filled…

At his words i tried to push him, hands over his chest only to find his eyes staring deep into mine his checks where red and pupils full. It hit me. He was still on his heat.

That explains his behavior the whole time. How could I not notice earlier?

- you’re still in heat - i state. He only chuckled.

- am i? - he came closer to kiss me but i immediately pushed him down the bed - oh, I like that… doctor you’re making me fall for you…

I ignore his nonsense as I made my way to grab a sedative, bunnies were the hardest ones to deal with when on their heat, first I would have to put him to sleep before giving him the medicine to lessen his heat. At least till we are done with his treatment. Then we would put him to mate the right way.

Coming back to him I stared at him think where I would apply it, he didn’t stop moving. I stood between his legs holding the sedative behind my back.

- Jungkook… - i tried to get his attention, he looked at me immediately- I need to do something for me okay?

- yes pretty doctor- he tried to get up but I quickly held his chest down, he smiled at me. He looked as if he were on drugs, high on his heat.

It could only mean things were getting worse, he wasn’t on full rut but was getting there. It would be impossible to treat him if he’s on rut.

- don’t move okay? - i tell him, his hand held mine over his chest as he nodded.

Without him noticing i insert the syringe into his thigh, he’s so into his heat to even notice the pain.

I count ten seconds in my head before releasing my hold over his chest, he doesn’t try to get up.

- oh I’m sleepy… - he says, hand falling from mine as he closes his eyes slowly going into deep sleep.

A sight of relief leaves my lips once he falls asleep. I prepare some medicine to calm his heat, I wasn’t a fan of suppressants but in this case is needed. Just until we are done treating him. Than I’m sure he will be put into mating process so he can have a safe and healthy heat.

After I’m done giving him his medicine, I write it down his next appointment and a new prescription.

Leaving the room I sight, my right hand massaging my neck. I look over my phone to see the time realizing it was way past eleven. Walking down the corridor to the elevators, my ringtone woke me up from daydreaming about my comfort bed.

- yes - o took the call.

- hey y/n - it was Jin - did you check on the special hybrid?

- wasn’t Joon going? - I said, confused at his words. He told me he would.

- no he head an emergency at home and had to leave - Jin explained, I sight.

- oh, i will than - i tell him.

- you seem tired y/n do you want me to go instead? - he offers.

- no is fine… - i tell him - he die a know you yet, it could make things difficult.

- okay - Jin says - call me if anything happens.

- I will, thank you.

I turn off the call, getting in the elevator. I push the bottom to the floor of the special hybrids where. My eyes feeling a bit heavier, I tried to push it away. Just one last check up and I can go home.

The elevators doors opened at the floor, the sound waking me up from my tiredness. I quickly made my way through the long corridor with doors to Yoongis room.

Pressing the code on the lock beside the door, it opens making a sound. The hot wave of air hitting my body as usual once i made my way in, the lights slowly turning back on.

Once they’re on I made my way to his bed, panicked at not seeing him there or any sing of him at all.

- Yoongi? - i call out his name, locking around the room but still no sight of him.

My heart begins to beat faster, as my mind runs different scenarios of what might have happened. Worry filling my body as I throw the papers i gel in my hand on the floor, taking my cellphone to call Jin as I turn to leave the room.

Still with eyes locked on my phone i don’t notice the lights slowly turning off, nothing takes my attention from the cellphone until arms close over my wrist turning my around.

My phone falling on the ground as he pushed me against the wall, both hands holding my wrists over the wall above my head.

- Yoongi?! - I stared into his dark orbs, relief filling me up. - I thought something happened to you…

He didn’t said anything. A hard look over his features, I couldn’t decipher what it meant. He held me tighter coming closer to my face.

- why do you smell like trash? - he spat.

- what? - I was so lost.

I knew I worked late but, is not like didn’t look out for myself. Working at the clinic I had to make sure I was always clean. I couldn’t understand what he meant.

- you stink of male rut… - he spat at me, hissing at the end. Eyebrows furred into an angry expression.

I should’ve thought about that before coming here stray after treating a hybrid on heat, shit. Knowing how Yoongi was sensitive about others males I should’ve at least put on some perfume.

- it’s not like that… - i tried to lessen his anger but it only seemed to make it worse.

- I don’t care… - he pushed himself away from me - don’t ever come back here smelling like that again…

- I won’t - i tell him, still not moving I watched as he walks back to his bed. - im sorry, I didn’t have time to… wash this off.

He doesn’t say anything, sitting on ver his bed he looks at me from afar.

- tomorrow will start your shedding treatment… - i tell him, still not moving from my spot.

At the smell of another male it was better did I kept my distance so it wouldn’t be too overwhelming for him who had a much higher sense.

- i just came to check on you, to make sure…

- come here - he interrupted, he voice sounded heavy almost a growl.

I would be lying if a said I wasn’t afraid, my phone was lost somewhere in this room and I had no way of calling for help if something happened. Although I knew he wouldn’t do something to hurt me i couldn’t be sure, the situation was a lot different now.

I could say something but, his instincts would say another complete different than mine.

Still I made my way towards him. Stopping a few steps away from him.

- closer… - he sighted. Dark eyes looking me up and down.

I gulped down, making my way closer to him. Stopping in front of him.

He looked up at me boxers getting up from the bed, close enough to kill me if he wanted to.

- was it a patient of yours? - he asked, voice low and raspy. He meant the smell.

- yes… - i manage to whisper, I felt so small in front of him. Like a pray.

- you’ll see him again? - he asked, taking a step closer. No distance between us. His breath hitting my face.

- yes… - i tell him, my eyes finally looking up at his.

He only nodded understanding.

- I don’t like this smell on you - i says, making me gulp down as i looking into his eyes. - but i understand…

He pushes me against him it happens so fast, once I notice he is pressing me down on his bed. Both his legs on each side of my hips, he held my arms up against the nest of covers and sheets.

Keeping them up he slides his hands down my arms over my sides, one finger playing with the bottoms of my shirt.

- you look healthy… - he murmurs eyeing me up and down.

- what…

He didn’t let me finish. Opening my shirt he went down over my chest, I gasped in surprise. Turning my face to the side, I expected anything except what he did.

I slowly opened my eyes at the feeling of his hot breath over my neck, my own breath got stuck in my throat the moment I felt the wetness of his tongue sliding over my chest up my neck.

- what are you doing? - I asked, my voice was only a whisper.

- taking that disgusting smell off you - he said over my neck.

- oh…

- but you’ll see him again… - he said, I turned to look at him.

- I have to, his my patient - i explained.

- than this won’t do… - he whispered more to himself, one hand holding my chin up he slowly turned my face to the side.

With my neck on full display for him he came closer, this time whispering over my ear.

- have you ever been bitten by a snake?

At his question my mind rushed with realization, my heart beating faster as his lips brushed over my skin. I tried to move my legs but he only used his body weight to held me down, my hands over his shoulders trying to push him away were quickly held up over my head with his left hand.

He chuckled at my useless try’s to get away from him.

A gasp leaving my lips immediately at the feeling of his sharp teeth carving my skin, tears filling my eyes at the painful sensation of his teeth inserting his venom on me. His hands slowly leaving his hold over me, i couldn’t move.

Once he took his teeth out of my skin, I groaned in pain. Feeling the warm liquid fall down my neck, he licked over the bite. Hand holding my chin to look at him.

- don’t worry… it will feel good soon - I looked up at him, his voice was a whisper in the dark.

My mind felt dizzy, vision getting blurry the heat of the room wasn’t helpful. My whole busy was burning, I tried to push him away but as soon as my hands came in touch with the silk over his skin my entire body responded, a wave of electicity coming up from the tips of my fingers to my whole body.

- Yoongi…

My eyes began to get heavier and heavier, hands falling beside me as I fell asleep.

Not before I felt his warm finger trace my jaw softly, his voice so far away I couldn’t make out what he said before I fall completely asleep.

Am i dying?

Next?

Notes: YES FINALLY!! Hehe I’m sorry for any grammatical typos! ☺️💖

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[mytheoristavenue]

Being the Secretary for T, T, & T Hero Agency

You had only been working at the combined agency of Tsukuyomi, Tentacole, and Tail-Man for nearly a month at this point and being one of their only employees apart from themselves, you definitely had your work cut out for you.

All three of them had their quirks, but thankfully, you were beginning to figure them out. For example, they all liked to have coffee when the got into the office, and expected you to have it ready when they arrived.

Tail-Man took his coffee blonde with extra hazelnut creamer. Tentacole took his mostly plain, with milk and a bit of sugar. And lastly, Tsukuyomi took his entirely black, and in large quantities.

-----

"Good Morning, Miss (L/N)," Tail-Man would greet, always coming through the door first. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm good, sir, thank you!" you'd respond with a kind smile. "Your coffee is read on your desk and there's muffins in the break room." You'd nod as he thanked you. "Oh, and I set your mail on your desk beside your mug! You've got some fan mail to answer, and you have a meeting with the owner of a local junior league dojo at ten. They'd like you to visit their class later this week!"

"Thanks for the heads up," he'd grin waving sheepishly, headin'g to his office "Go ahead and send 'em in when they get here."

"Yes, sir!"

Nearly every single day, when Tail-Man would leave you to go to his office, Tentacole would stride in, quiet, but typically in a rather cheerful mood.

"Good morning, sir," You'd smile, watching him wave back.

"Any appointments today?" he'd ask, stopping by your desk on his way in.

"None for you today, but you all have a meeting tomorrow morning with the Hero's Association." You'd answer, handing him a stack of envelopes. "Here's your mail for today. You're starting to gain popularity, it seems. Lots of fanmail today."

He'd always simply wave off your flattery, quickly changing the subject. "Coffee?" He'd ask sheepishly.

"On your desk, muffins in the break room."

He'd give you a warm, yet concealed smile. "You're the best,"

"I know."

At that time, Tsukuyomi would enter, moody and dramatic as always. He didn't tend to stop in to talk with you, normally nodding in passing but today was different for some reason. He walked right up to you, looking down on your sternly.

"Cancel my appointments, hold my calls." He commanded firmly. "Please." It was almost as if the last bit was obligatory, something he'd forgotten he had to say.

You simply nodded. "Done, everything's on your desk, muffins in the breakroom." You said with a calm smile, knowing he liked interactions short and sweet. "Have a good day, sir."

The way you addressed him made his feathers puff up and he eyed you as a hawk would a mouse. "See me later, my office."

His tone was demanding and made you worry you might be in trouble. For what, you weren't sure. The other two heroes seemed to adore you as their secretary, surely Tsukuyomi couldn't make the decision to fire you alone...

Could he?

[minniesmutt]

☾ ━━━━━━ 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐭 𝟑

☾ ━━━ PAIRING: SEUNGMIN X READER ☾ ━━━ CONTENT: MENTION OF NIGHTMARES, THERAPY MENTIONS, TRAUMA MENTIONS, FOOD MENTIONS, MENTION OF LOVE-BOMBING, MENTION KIDNAPPING, TEASING, ABORTION MENTION, PROTECTED SEX, ORAL (F. REC), FINGERING, SCAR MENTIONS, DIRTY TALK, EXHIBITIONISM (?) ☾ ━━━ WC: 4.1K ☾ ━━━ PART ONE PART TWO ☾ ━━━ 18+ work!! minors and ageless/blank blogs DNI! you will be blocked, put an indicator on your blog somewhere that you are 18+ before interacting with this work/blog

     Y/n hated the nightmares. She hated that her mind kept replaying what happened with her psycho ex or making it worse. Making up scenarios of what would've happened if she hadn’t sent the text message. 

     She’d awake after another nightmare. Chest filled with anxiety as she tried remembering where she was. Home. Home with Chan and Changbin down the hall. Her rooms before hers. If anything were to happen, they would hear it first. 

     She laid back and took some deep breaths. Recollecting herself and her thoughts. She turned in bed, holding her blankets close to her. Attempting to try and sleep again but nothing. Staring into the dark seemed to make it worse. 

     Y/n grabbed her phone from the bedside table and dialed the only person who could understand what she was going through. 

     “Hey,” Seungmin’s voice came through the speaker 

     “Hey,” Y/n replied 

     “Have another nightmare?”

     Since they both had talked about the situation, they’d been helping each other. Late-night calls when neither of them could sleep were common. Just two friends that were trying to heal together. No matter how weird that word sounds when it comes to Seungmin. 

     “Yeah. Why are you awake?”

     “Can’t sleep either.”

     Y/n hummed, “How was your appointment today?”

     “Alright. My ribs are pretty much healed now which is great. The doctor still wants me to wait a few weeks before I do anything strenuous or return to work.”

     “Have you talked to your old job?”

     “Yeah. Unfortunately, they’re fully staffed but there’s another office hiring that’s actually a little closer so I need to just reinterview there. They let the manager know my situation but it’s basically mine.”

     “That’s good. I’m happy for you.”

     “Thanks. I’m just getting a little stir-crazy at Minho’s now.”

     “Mm. I feel the same. One of the guys is always here so I’m not alone which is nice but they’re starting to suffocate me.”

     “You’re like their little sister. They’re just worried. But I can get where it gets annoying. Do you work tomorrow?”

     “No. Off for the next two days. Just have therapy in the morning.”

     “What time?”

     “Ten.”

     “Do you wanna go get brunch after? I can pick you up and take you too.” 

     “I’d like that,” Y/n smiled, even though he couldn’t see her.

     “You’re smiling, aren’t you.”

     “No, I’m not.”

     “You forget we were dating for three years.”

     “I didn’t forget.”

     “So you know I know when you’re smiling or what to do when you’re sad and need cheering up.”

     “You’re too observant sometimes.” 

     “Sometimes not enough.”

     “Stop it.”

     “What?”

     “Blaming yourself.”

     “Sorry. I was thinking about it earlier again.”

     “I don’t blame you, Min. You know that, right?”

     “Yeah. Just kind of blame myself a bit still…”

     “I know how you feel…”

     “Can I be honest with you?”

     “Of course.”

     “When he first had me locked up, I kept hoping you would reach out to me. Get worried about me not responding. Then the security footage started. And it broke my heart but I still hoped that you would still choose me…”

     “Min…”

     “Sorry. I didn’t mean to unload that…”

     “You know, when I met him, I was trying to forget about our break up. I wasn’t looking for a new relationship but he was so convincing and I know now he was just love-bombing me the whole time. I was heartbroken after our breakup because I only ever saw you as who I would spend the rest of my life with.”

     “What would you say if I asked for another chance?”

     “It’s always yes, Min.”

     “I’ll keep that in mind”

     The two talked until they somehow both ended up falling asleep. She woke up a few hours later with the call still running. Both got a bit of peace for once in their dreams. 

     Seungmin told her he’d pick her up for her appointment and left the call to get ready. Y/n let her roommates know Seungmin was picking her up and the two were going to brunch after. Chan and Changbin both smiled and said nothing Letting her get ready for her day.

     Seungmin was at the door not long after she finished getting ready. She let the two know she was leaving. Seungmin was standing out the door and smiled at her. She swore she saw him rethinking leaning in to kiss her like he used to greet her.

     “Ready?” He asked her.

     “Yeah.”

     The two walked back to the car and Seungmin opened the door for her before he walked to the other side and got in the car. She gave him directions to her therapist’s office while they discussed their plans for after. Walking up together once they got in. 

     “I’ll wait for you in the waiting room, okay?” Seungmin said once she was called into the office

     “Okay,” Y/n nodded. 

     Y/n walked back into the office, sat down, and started her session. Telling her therapist about the nightmares. Talking through them and mentioning Seungmin. 

     “Seungmin is your ex, correct?”

     “Yeah. He got kidnapped by Jeongin.”

     “So both of you have gone through the same trauma in a sense?”

     “Yeah. We’ve both talked to each other about what we went through separately.”

     “Sometimes it does help to talk with someone who has gone through something similar.”

     The session only lasted another fifteen minutes before Y/n walked out of the office. Seungmin was sitting in the waiting room waiting for her, just like he said. 

     “Ready?” He asked as she walked over to him.

     “Yeah,” Y/n smiled 

     Seungmin stood and led her back to the car. Getting her in the car before him then driving off to a small restaurant. It wasn’t too busy at the moment and they quickly got seated. 

     Y/n really did miss Seungmin. In the quiet moments when she wasn’t being suffocated by Jeongin, she’d think about him. She was grateful Jeongin kept him alive. Even if it was painful for Seungmin. 

     “What are you looking at?” Seungmin asked 

     “Sorry,” Y/n said and looked down at her menu. 

     “What is it?” Seungmin asked again. 

     “It’s nothing. Just…”

     “Just what?”

     “I’m glad he kept you alive,” Y/n said, looking up at him again 

     “I hate you sometimes,” Seungmin groaned 

     “Sorry….”

     “No. Not for that,” Seungmin quickly said. Reaching over the table to her and grabbing the menu from her hands, “I… I hate that you still get me flustered. And I know I’m bad at expressing my emotions and I don’t want to overwhelm you by saying what I actually want to say.”

    “Didn’t you ask me for a second chance last night?” Y/n smiled, knowing what he was trying to say.

     “I was sleep deprived,” Seungmin glared at her

     “Whatever you say.”

     Y/n smiled at him and kissed his knuckles before dropping his hands. The waiter came over a few minutes later and took their order. Leaving them alone after. 

     “You make it hard to kiss you right now,” Seungmin said as soon as the waiter was gone 

     “I haven’t done anything!” Y/n defended herself, her face getting warmer

     Seungmin just smiled and reached across the table for her hands again. Raising them to his lips and kissing each of her knuckles. Taking a little longer on her left ring finger before setting her hands back on the table. Y/n looked at him as he smiled.

     He teased her a little more throughout their brunch. Making her flustered just for her to fluster him back. Even their walk back to the car and the drive back to hers was a game for them. Up until he walked her up to the door.

     “Thank you for today, by the way,” Y/n said as she turned to him

     “Anytime,” Seungmin smiled

     Y/n didn’t make any move to leave. Neither did Seungmin. 

     “Can I kiss you?” 

     “I’ll be a little mad if you don’t.”

     Seungmin leaned in and pecked her lips. Quick but enough for them. 

     “I’m glad we’re alive,” Seungmin said 

     “Me too.”

     “You know you two can have this conversation in Y/n’s room.” Changbin’s voice came from the video doorbell 

     Y/n unlocked the front door and opened it, “Seo Changbin!”

     “I’m just saying!” He called from the living room

     Y/n stormed in and grabbed a throw pillow. Attacking her friend with it as Seungmin followed her in, shutting the door behind him as he watched. Eventually, Changbin got the pillow away from her and got her off him. 

     “Finally beat Changbin,” Seungmin laughed 

     “You two are on thin ice,” Changbin warned 

     The two laughed before going up to Y/n’s room. “Looks different,” Seungmin said 

     “I got rid of all my old stuff. Decided to just start fresh. Couldn’t stomach the thought of looking at everything again after what happened,” Y/n replied as she hung up her bag

     “I don’t blame you,” Seungmin said, taking a seat in her desk chair. “Should we talk about us?”

     “I think we should just forget the last two years,” Y/n joked 

     “Seems like a good idea,” Seungmin replied as she sat on her bed. He scooted the chair over to her. “How about we take it slow? Slowly get back to where we were while we’re still healing a bit?”

     “I like that idea.”

     “Okay.” Seungmin leaned in and kissed her lips again.

     Normalcy. That’s what Seungmin was to her. Her little bit of normalcy in the middle of the chaos around her. Even though they agreed to go slow, a little over a month later they were back to where they were before. Sitting on the couch at Minho’s having a movie night while he was out with Jisung. Seungmin had his arm wrapped around her as she fed him popcorn. A rom-com Netflix recommended playing on the TV. 

     “Getting tired?” Seungmin asked, noticing her movements slowing down a bit

     “No,” Y/n lied. She’d had a presentation over Zoom before coming over and she spent the night before making sure it was perfect.

     “Liar,” Seungmin chuckled as he took the popcorn bowl from her and turned off the TV. “Come on.”

     Seungmin helped her up off the couch and got her to his room. Y/n followed behind him groggily. He pulled back the covers for her and helped her into the bed.

     “Sleep with me?” Y/n asked as he went to pull them up over her body

     “You sure?”

     Y/n nodded, “Let me lock up the house real quick and text Minho.” Seungmin kissed the top of her head and walked out of the room. 

     He came back a few moments later with both their phones— she assumed he was texting Minho on his about the house being locked up when he came in for the night. He set both their phones on the nightstand, and then Seungmin climbed into bed with her. Covering them both with the blankets and loosely laying his arm over her waist.

     Y/n turned in his arms and put her face in his chest. “I knew you were tired.” he laughed

     “Mm.” Y/n huffed as he kissed her head again.

     “I love you.”

     “I love you too.” Y/n drifted off into sleep and it was probably the best sleep she’d gotten in a while. For once, no nightmares haunted her. She felt safe again.

     She woke up the next morning still in Seungmin’s arms. He was still fast asleep so she got to take the chance to admire her boyfriend up close for once. She remembered when he was released from the hospital he had the worst dark circles and multiple bruises on his face. They’d all healed and the dark circles were slowly going away.

     “Why are you staring?” Seungmin’s voice said

     Y/n smiled as he opened his eyes to her, “Because I can.”

     “Mhm,” Seungmin groaned as he leaned in and kissed her lips, “Stop it.”

     “No,” Y/n said

     “Brat,” Seungmin smiled before leaning back to lips. Kissing her again as his hand lay on the middle of her back. Y/n moaned into his mouth before both of their phones started ringing. Seungmin pulled away and sat up, grabbing her phone and answering the call, seeing it was from her lawyer, and looked at his, seeing the same.

     “Good morning Ms. L/n.” Y/n heard from the other end     “Good morning,” Y/n replied

     “I’m sorry if I woke you, but would you mind hopping on a conference call with Mr. Kim and his lawyer?” 

     “No, I’m actually with Mr. Kim right now.”

     “Oh, perfect! How about we end this call and you listen in on his phone?”

     “That works perfectly.”

     Y/n hung up the call and Seungmin placed his phone on speaker.

     “We’ll keep this short so you two can finally put this behind us and move on with your lives.”  Seungmin’s lawyer said

     “Mr. Yang has taken the plea deal.”     “He did?!” Y/n said

     “Yes. In pleading guilty to two counts of kidnapping, one of aggravated assault, and sexual assault, he is serving life in prison without the possibility of parole. He will not be getting out of prison.”

     “Thank you. That means a lot to us.” Seungmin said as he hugged his girlfriend from the side.

     “Of course. And the judge has granted you both restraining orders against him so he is legally not allowed to contact either of you.”

     Y/n thanked the team of lawyers over and over again before Seungmin ended the call and turned to her. Kissing her again as she cupped his cheeks. “He’s out of our lives.” Y/n cried

     “He’s locked up now,” Seungmin smiled and whipped her tears.

     Y/n giggled as he kissed her nose before he got out of bed. Y/n watched him walk over to his closet and grab something, sitting back next to her.

     “To a new beginning, I guess,” Seungmin said, handing her a black velvet box.

     Y/n looked at him as she hesitantly took it. Seungmin smiled as she opened it and caught sight of the engagement ring. “Min.”

     “I say we forget those two years now and just pick up where we left off now,” Seungmin smiled wide as he took the ring out of its box.

     “Yes,” Y/n smiled 

     Seungmin grabbed her hand and slipped the ring onto her finger. Y/n squealed and tackled him in a hug onto his back. The sound prompted a knock on the door from Minho and Jisung.

     “You guys okay?” Minho asked as he opened the door.

     “Couldn’t be better.” Seungmin smiled 

     “He took the plea deal. He’s behind bars for the rest of his life,” Y/n explained

     “Thank god. I don’t know what I would do if you guys had to sit in a courtroom with him.” Jisung sighed in relief

     “Yeah. I don’t want to see a courtroom until wedding day.” Seungmin said

     “Wedding?!” Jisung yelled

     “Look!” Y/n smiled, showing the two the engagement ring.

     “Have fun celebrating,” Minho said as he shut the door.

     Y/n smiled at her fiancé and pressed her lips to his again. Pecking kisses all over his face as he laughed at her. “Hey,” Seungmin chuckled before her lips were on his again

     “I love you,” Y/n mumbled against his lips

     “I love you too,” Seungmin mumbled back and wrapped his arms around her.

     Seungmin rolled her onto her back so he was on top of her, pulling back to look at his fiancée, “You okay?” He asked

     “Why wouldn’t I be?”

     “We haven’t done anything since we both got out and I know you had the abortion. I know it all took an emotional toll on you.”

     “And having you by my side helped me heal,” Y/n reassured him. “I know you’re not him either. I trust you, Min.”

     “Let me check if I even have condoms.” Seungmin got off her and checked his bedside drawers.

     Y/n got up and sat on the edge of the bed just as he found a box and set it on the nightstand. “Feeling lucky?” Y/n teased

     “When have you ever known me not to prepare for something?”

     “Do you want me to answer that?” Y/n teased as he laid her back, his turn to smother her with kisses. 

     “Those two years don’t exist, remember?” he reminded her 

     Seungmin pressed his lips to hers. Grabbing her hands and lacing their fingers together. Laying them against the mattress and pressing his body to hers. Y/n smiled as her lips moved in sync with his. 

     Seungmin moved one hand to hold her side as she hooked her legs around his hips. Pulling his hips closer to her, feeling his half-hard dick against her. 

     “Tell me to stop if you get uncomfortable,” Seungmin breathed as his lips moved down to her neck

     “You’re too good for me,” Y/n giggled

     “I’m perfect for you.” 

     Y/n blushed as he moved his hands up her shirt. Warm skin holding her sides and not going up anymore, not sure if he should as he lightly kissed her neck. Y/n grabbed the back of his shirt as his lips ghosted a certain spot on her neck.

     “There’s my favorite spot,” Seungmin mumbled as he rolled his hips against her.

     “Min,” Y/n moaned

     “I’m right here. Never going anywhere again.” He told her

     “Need you, Min, please,” Y/n moaned

     “Tell me what you want pretty.”

     “Mouth.”

     “Where do you want my mouth, love?”

     “Eat me out, please.”

     Seungmin pulled away from her and stood up. He pulled down her pajama pants, checking over her reaction as he did before he kneeled between her legs. The fabric on the floor next to him. Y/n sat up a bit on her elbows, looking down at him as he put her legs over his shoulders. He placed a kiss over her clothed clit as he looked up at her. Y/n smiled at him as his fingers curled over the waistband of the fabric and pulled it away. Adding it to the starting pile on the ground of clothes. Y/n grabbed a pillow from the bed and placed it behind her back for support as his lips wrapped around her clit.

     Y/n laced her fingers through his hair as he lightly sucked on the bud. A moan left her lips as he wrapped his arms around her thighs. Holding them tightly around his head as he switched between sucking on the clit and licking with his tongue. Eyes locked onto her, watching her reactions. 

     Watching her head roll back from the pleasure as she gripped his hair. Y/n moaned as he pressed a kiss to her clit, tongue moving through her folds. Head knocked forward to watch him as his tongue dipped into her. 

     “Min,” Y/n moaned as he moved his hand down. Lips wrapped around her clit again as a finger slid into her. 

     Y/n laid back against the mattress as she tightened her grip on his head. Seungmin smiled as he worked on her clit. Finger slowly moving in and out of her. “More. Please min!” Y/n begged 

     “My baby needs another finger in her?” Seungmin teased 

     “Yes. Please,” Y/n moaned 

     Seungmin gently slipped a second finger into her. Fingers stretched her out as he sucked a little harder on her clit. Hips jolted against him as he pushed his face closer. Moaning into her— he missed being here.

     Her moans were unfortunately muffled to him with her thigh pressing against his ears. But he would gladly live with that to be where he is now. His fingers spreading her open as she gripped his hair. Barley hearing her warning that she was close or his name falling from her lips like a mantra.

     He felt her high coat his fingers as Y/n arched off the bed. Seungmin switched his fingers for his tongue. Cleaning her up with his tongue as he wrapped his arms around her legs. Smothering himself into her while she rode out her high. Only pulling away when he felt her push him away from the sensitivity.

     “Alright still?” He asked, kissing the inside of her thighs before standing up.

     “Yeah,” Y/n breathed as he pecked her lips then cheeks

     “We don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to.”

     “Do you want to keep going?” Y/n asked, snaking her hands under his shirt

     “I do but just want to make sure you’re okay.” 

     “Seungmin, if you’re dick isn’t in me soon I’m going to combust.”

     Seungmin laughed at her and pulled his shirt off over his head. Both of them stripping away the last bit of their clothing. Y/n noticed the healed scars littering his skin as he turned and grabbed a condom. She caught his attention when she ran her hands over the scars.

     “You look sexy with the scars,” Y/n said as she looked up at him

     “I wasn’t sexy before?” Seungmin asked as he tore open the foil and rolled the rubber onto his length

     “You were. The scars just add a little more to it,” Y/n smiled as he leaned down.

     “Glad you think so,” Seungmin smiled, lining his tip up with her entrance. Slowly, he pushed inside her. Y/n wrapped her legs around his hips. Seungmin grabbed her hands and kissed her engagement rings. Slowly sinking into her as he kissed down her arm to distract her. Ending up over her again and pressing his lips to hers. Y/n wrapped her arms around him, smiling into the kiss as he pulled his hips back. Gently rocking into her.

     “Fuck, I missed this,” Seungmin groaned

     “Good thing we’ve got forever now,” Y/n moaned, lacing her fingers through his dark hair.

     “Not letting go of you ever again.”

     Gradually, Seungmin picked up his pace. Mostly when she would beg him to go faster. Her walls slightly pulsing around him from her previous orgasm. His lips trailed down from her lips to her chest. Kissing the top of her breasts as his hips gently knocked into hers.

     Her limbs tightened around him as his tip hit a specific spot inside her. A gasp leaving her and Seungmin knew. She felt his smiled against her skin as he brought a hand between their bodies. Thumb rolling along her clit as a loud moan escaped her. He angled his hips to hit that spot again and again. Y/n tried covering her moans, suddenly remember there were two other people in the house.

     “Let them hear baby. Not like they don’t already know,” Seungmin teased, “Let our friends know only I get to fuck you like this for the rest of our lives.”

     “‘M close,” Y/n moaned

     “Just needed a little dirty talk to get you there? Huh?” Seungmin asked

     “Please Minnie.”

     “Missed teasing you. Always riled up to quickly when I did. Obviously you still do too.” Seungmin nipped at her skin as her legs shook around him as her walls got tighter around him, “Gonna cum for me baby?”

     “Yes!” Y/n cried just before her orgasm came crashing down.

     Seungmin kept his pace as she rode out her high. Waiting for her limps to loosen arond him and her body go limp against the bed just a bit before he came in the condom. Slowing his thrusts till he was full inside her and let the rubber fill while he came down.

     Both of them taking a minute to catch their breaths again. Seungmin wrapped his arms around her waist and laid his head in her neck for a moment. “I love you. So much.” Seungmin mumbled

     “I love you too,” Y/n kissed the side of his head as she held him close.

     “Bath?” Seungmin asked

     “Yes please,” Y/n agreed

     Seungmin stood straight and pulled out of her. He took of the rubber and made she it didn’t break before tying it off and tossing it. He gave her a t-shirt as he threw on a pair of boxers before bringing her to the bathroom. He ran them a bath and let her do her little thing while he grabbed more clothes for them. Y/n took care of the bath till he came back in and took over. Pulling her in with him once it was ready. Seungmin wrapped his arms around her as the  warm water surrounded them.

     “I know I just proposed but, what do you think about moving in together?” Seungmin asked

     “I think that’s a great idea,” Y/n smiled and kissed his arms

     “Start looking after a nap?” He asked

     “You read my mind.”

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© 2024 MINNIESMUTT. DO NOT COPY, REPUBLISH OR TRANSLATE MY WORK ANYWHERE

[the---hermit]

26|09|2024

Today I started working on a geography chapter that I know is going to be the end of me. There's so much information, no maps, and I have no idea how I will undertand and memorize that for my exam. Definitely not the easiest way to start studying for this exam. I really hope the next chapters will be more history focused, so that with more context and informations I can actually learn this stuff. I will start writing down notes for this chapter tomorrow since only reading and underling took most of my morning. Aside from my academic reading I started A House With Good Bones by T. Kingfisher, because apparently I am obsessed with this author. I also did some planning to figure out the best days to meet up with a couple of friends, and I think I managed to find a good plan in order to enjoy myself but not get too drained. The thing is that since I have been all over the place emotionally in the past while, speding time with others becomes very draining even when I am enjoying myself. Hopefully I will manage to spend quality time with friends without losing all my energies.

productivity list:

read first thing in the morning

read and highlighted a chapter of my history of Sabaudian sates book

set up my bullet journal for next month

got a dentist appointment to get a check up by another dentist so then hipefully I can get rid of the wisdom tooth that has been botherming me for ages

duolingo

worked on my crochet project

📖: A House With Good Bones by T. Kingfisher

[genderqueerpositivity]

I'm planning to vote early tomorrow, after my doctor's appointment. If the lines are still ridiculous, maybe it will be Wednesday. Apparently people starting lining up two hours before polls opened this morning when it was still 45° outside and the lines are long and...I'm not doing that.

Tomorrow I'm going to ask to switch my testosterone from topical to injections. I'm hoping with switching that my T levels will be more consistent. Plus it will be a big benefit for my ADHD ass to not have to remember to apply the cream everyday.

At first I wanted the ability to go day by day...thinking maybe that I would reach a point where I want to stop HRT. That was about 4 years ago and I'm a lot more confident now in knowing that I want to continue testosterone long term.

I'm still back and forth on whether weekly or biweekly shots would be better. I'm also nervous about having to actually do my own shots. I'm hoping I can.

[buckychristwrites]

When the Rain Gathers | Chapter One | j.t

↳  Pairing: Jamie Tartt x f!reader

↳ Word Count: 3.8k

↳  Summary: Pain hits like a downpour, but when a heartbreak from your past is what greets you at your new job at Nelson Road Stadium, it's more like a catastrophic tsunami.

↳  Warnings: Enemies to lovers, Discussion of parental abuse, fluff and angst.

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Main Blog

“This is stunning.”

Your folded hands tightened.

Rebecca Welton looked between your resume to Sharon Fieldstone, who was sitting beside her. They were both beaming as you continued to sit nervously. Although, that was to be expected with you. They could’ve told you that you were sent by God himself and you would still be rifled with anxiety. 

“And how exactly did you get a recommendation from Ted Lasso?” She asked in awe while reading the letter from the man himself. You shifted in your seat.

“I did some work with the Wichita State Shockers after I finished my degree,” You explained. “During Ted’s time there, of course. He was the one who sent this job my way, actually. Said I’d fit in nicely.” She read the letter over and over again, a fond look on her face. 

“Any person who Ted trusts is someone I trust.” Was she getting choked up? You tried to ignore that in an effort to not embarrass her. Sharon nodded.

“I think you’re the perfect match to work with me,” The psychologist said definitively. “Now that we have the women’s team as well as the men’s, I can’t do it all on my own.” Rebecca nodded in agreement. 

“You’ll take over the care for the men’s team while Sharon helps the women’s team adjust.”

You allowed yourself to take a glance around Rebecca’s office, appreciating the simplicity. The weight on your chest seemed to lift, now that you knew the job was basically yours. All morning you had been stressing over this interview. Even going as far as to sit in the car park for a whole 45 minutes beforehand so you wouldn’t be late. 

“When do you think you could start?” It was clear that Rebecca was trying oh so hard to not sound eager, while also failing miserably at it. Funnily enough, you were doing the same. Your first answer would be that very minute, but you reeled yourself back. 

“As soon as possible.” 

You didn’t think it was feasible for them to look more elated, but you were proven wrong at that moment, as their faces seemed to radiate joy. Rebecca clapped her hands together before rising from her seat. 

“Wonderful,” She said. “I hope tomorrow will work for you, then?”

It stunned you briefly, how quick the start date was coming. You had assumed it wouldn’t be for another week. But you were more relieved than distressed by the speed this was all going. Since the move just a week prior, you were desperate for income. 

“Perfect,” You said as you also rose from your seat. Sharon swiftly followed, the three of you exchanging such pleased looks. It was overwhelming how well this interview went. It wasn’t really an interview, though. The impression you had been given when the conversation started was that you’d had the job the moment you walked in the door. Though, funnily enough, they had been trying very hard to not let you in on that.

“Shall I give you a tour of the club?” Rebecca suggested. You nodded excitedly.

“That would be wonderful.”

Sharon began to inch towards the door. 

“I have some appointments to get to, I’m afraid,” She said as she glanced at her watch. “But I’ll be ready for you in the morning to help you with getting acclimated.” She gave you a warm smile, which you couldn’t help but return. “I’m so glad to have you.” 

“Wonderful to meet you, Dr. Fieldstone,” You said, raising a hand in goodbye. “I’ll see you in the morning!” She gave one last look of what appeared to be relief before turning and leaving Rebecca’s office. You turned towards your new boss, the anxiety creeping in again. 

You glanced out the window at the team, who were currently training on the pitch. The drills they were running looked intense, more intense than anything you had ever seen before. Which, considering you had seen and had even been involved in a great many football trainings, you were more qualified than most to say that. 

Subtle rain droplets hit the window, catching your attention for too long before you refocused on the players.

A flash of one player as he spun around his teammates with the ball gave you deja vu, and you had to turn away before it began to fester in your head.

“Shall we?” Rebecca asked, gesturing towards the door. You nodded, following her out into the hallway and down the stairs. 

The club was a lot larger than the outside suggested. Rebecca showed you the press room, conference room, all of the bathrooms, and where Sharon’s office was located, though the door was shut at the time. Pictures 

“How was the flight… home?” She asked in a more questioning tone than anticipated. “This is home for you, yes? Your accent is certainly… unique.” You pressed your lips together. This was quite a popular question from both the English and the Americans alike. 

“Yes and no,” You explained. “I’m actually from Manchester. But I moved to the United States for school about…” You did the maths in your head. “About six years ago, I guess.” Saying it out loud felt so strange. Some days, it felt like just yesterday that you had gotten on the plane that swept you away from England. Others, it felt like a lifetime ago. Which, with the changes that had occurred in your life, it might as well have been. 

“The Americans got to you then,” She teased, tapping her hand against your arm as if you had known her forever. 

“That’s exactly what my mum says when she hears me speak anymore,” You admitted sheepishly. Remembering her original question, you turned to face her. “My flight was a nightmare, by the way.” She looked at you in shock. “Yeah, my daughter had an ear infection the day of, naturally. So when we took off and the pressure built in her ears, she just cried and cried for a solid hour until she fell asleep.” 

“You have a daughter,” Rebecca said, poking her bottom lip out just slightly. Subconsciously, you pulled out your phone. 

“Yes. Ivy,” You told her before lifting your phone screen to show off your brunette baby. “She just turned two at the end of May.” 

Rebecca took your phone to gaze at the toddler. At first, you thought it was because she was in silent agreement that the child was the cutest thing to ever cross the Earth. But then you saw the crinkle form between her eyebrows as she brought the phone closer to her face.

“She-” Her head tilted to the side, her lips pressed tightly together. “She looks so much like-”

“Rebecca, hi!”

The both of you turned to find a small blonde woman bouncing towards you. She was wearing a neon purple top, with black skinny jeans and heels higher than your ankles could handle. As Rebecca’s face changed from confusion to delight, you slipped your phone from her hand and back into your pocket. 

“And to what do I owe the pleasure, Keely?” She asked, turning her hands towards you. “I’m sure you know, this is the new sports psychologist that we’ve hired to help Sharon.” Reaching a hand out, you introduced yourself to Keeley. In lieu of a handshake, she pulled you in for a hug.

“Keeley Jones, at your service!” Her hug made you feel warm. It had been a while since you’d had one so loving, and from a stranger at that. It was surprisingly nice. When she released you, she went to give the same to Rebecca. “I came to see Roy. The boys’re coming in from training now, if you’d like to go down and introduce her to the team?” As Rebecca pulled away, she looked at you with excitement in her face.

“Would you like to meet the team?”

You could practically feel the rise in your blood pressure, the anxiety pouring out of your ears. But you knew if you didn’t meet them today, you’d have to tomorrow, and your first day would go much easier if the most stressful part happened sooner rather than later.

“Of course!” 

With wide smiles and rosie cheeks, Rebecca and Keeley whirled around and led you down the hallway, arms linked together. Watching them was incredibly lovely, and made you yearn for a friendship like that.

“Before you interrupted, Keeley,” Rebecca said playfully, earning a glare from her long haired friend. “She was just showing me a picture of her lovely daughter.” Keeley’s head whipped in your direction. 

“You have a daughter? How old is she?” She asked eagerly. You grabbed at your phone again.

“She’s two,” You said proudly as you showed her the same picture you showed Rebecca. Her face went from joyful to dazed, her grabbing at your phone and looking down at it. 

“Do you have any other pictures?” She asked with a less hearty smile this time. The ease in your chest began to falter. Trying hard not to feel offended, you opened your albums and pulled up another photo. In this one, it was a better look of Ivy’s face, and not her just making goofy looks for the camera, like your lock screen photo showed. Grabbing the phone back, Keeley and Rebecca examined it as they continued to walk. They were so distracted that you were surprised they didn’t hit a wall when they rounded a corner.

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Rebecca asked Keeley in a low voice.

“That she looks exactly like-”

You had seen the impending collision that was about to occur, like it was written in the stars, but you were too late in your efforts to warn them, for both Rebecca and Keeley ran into the door of the changing room that had just been opened by one of the coaches. 

“Oh fuck,” A small man with gray hair and a kind looking face muttered as the women hit the floor. Your phone was quick to skid across the floor. The man scrambled to help Rebecca to her feet, as you did the same for Keeley. 

“I’m so sorry, so so sorry, Keeley, R-Rebecca,” The man stammered, shaking his head. “I didn’t see you there.” Rebecca brushed herself off, straightening her skirt.

“Not a problem, Nate,” She said, although her face was still rather filled with embarrassment.

“Quite alright, Coach,” Keeley said, her bubbly tone not faltering for a second. Once you were sure the two of them were fine, you walked over and grabbed your phone. When you turned to face them again, your phone safely replaced in your pocket, you found his anxious eyes on you.

“This is Nate Shelley,” Rebecca said once she composed herself. “He is part of the coaching staff for the men’s league.” As you reached a hand out towards him, she introduced you to him. He looked at your hand in confusion before taking it.

Someone struggles with trusting people, you noted to yourself when your hand dropped from his. 

Nate reopened the door to the changing room and kept his head down as Rebecca, Keeley, and yourself respectively made your way inside. When the door shut from behind, you noticed that Nate had not entered the changing room along with you. 

“Is everyone decent?” Keeley asked with a hand disjointedly over her eyes. Everyone turned their attention towards her, amused smiles on their faces. From what you could tell, everyone was, in fact, decent. When Keeley dropped her hand down once more, she let out a pout. “C’mon lads, just one time!” They all laughed in a way that suggested this was a running joke, but they all somehow still found it funny each time. Rebecca took a few steps forward to give herself centre stage. Your heart clenched.

“I’d like to introduce you all to the new sports psychologist as Sharon transitions over to the women’s league.” She gestured towards you. “She will be taking over all of your care.”

As she told them your name, you watched the range of emotions that flooded all of their faces. 

“Sharon won’t be working with us anymore?”

“This is a betrayal!” 

“Why do the women get our Sharon and we have to have someone new? Send her to them for fuck’s sake!” 

Any excitement that you had left evaporated as you listened to their complaints and shouts. While you never expected the transition to be easy, you didn’t expect it to be completely rejected, either.

“Aye!” A bearded ginger with a baseball cap shouted over the noise.

“Gentlemen!” Rebecca yelled, her voice a mix of anger and surprise. “This is not how we welcome someone to our family, is it?” 

Some of them grumbled a response, while most of them just stared down at their shoes. A couple of them were eyeing you curiously. You folded your hands patiently in front of your abdomen. Rebecca sighed heavily.

“Where the fuck is Kent?” She asked the bearded coach, voice exasperated. “He should be controlling his team.”

“Running drills with Jamie,” He said simply. You felt a wave crash in your chest as he turned to face you. “Coach Beard, by the way.” He stuck his hand out towards you, and it took you a beat too long to compose yourself enough to take it.

“Nice to meet you,” You said, voice unsure. A nervous glance was tossed towards the distraught players again before you turned to him once more. “Did you say… Did you say Jamie?” His eyebrows knitted together, as if you had just asked him if he was able to poop on command. 

“As in Jamie-”

The door to the pitch burst open, handle knocking against the wall. In came a tall figure with dark hair and even darker and thicker eyebrows. He paused just beyond the threshold, his eyes scanning the room. You studied him instinctively. The way the room stopped just upon his entrance told you that he was an important figurehead.

“It’s about time,” Rebecca scolded, hands planted on her hips. “Where have you been?”

“Sorry,” The man said, holding his hands up in a gesture of innocence, before directing his thumb behind him. “This one wanted to run a couple more drills.”

The one he was referring to entered at that moment, as if on cue. As if it were rehearsed. 

Your heart stopped functioning altogether.

He was a new man entirely, with long hair that parted like curtains off his forehead and locks coloured a light brown, almost dark blonde. His jawline was more chiselled than you remembered it, arms and abdomen more defined as his shirt hugged his muscles dearly. Taking a glance around at the commotion, it took him a moment to meet your eyes. But the moment he did, his skin blanched. 

You’d know those eyes anywhere. The greenish-blues you had looked into a thousand times in your life. Soft, gentle, almost innocent in appearance. It felt like they were the only thing about him that hadn’t changed completely.

It’s him. Jamie Tartt.

Your Jamie.

Fuck, you thought to yourself.

Fuck, Jamie thought to himself.

It’s you.

His you.

It felt like he was repeatedly getting hit by a train. Over and over and over again. One right after the other.

His mind suddenly forgot how to think. For the first time in his entire life, it was completely silent. All he could focus on was your face. How different you looked and yet somehow you were exactly the same. The hair he had run his fingers through time and time again was longer than he could recall. Your face had somehow matured in the three years it had been since he had seen you.

Fuck, has it already been three years? He found himself thinking. Because even after all this time, it felt like a victory that he had gone ten days without thinking of you. Now, it seemed, those streaks would be long over.

Rebecca took you around the room to give every player an individual introduction. Though you tried to pay attention, Jamie continued to catch you looking over at him, as he couldn’t stop looking at you. He found your expression unreadable. Since when could he not read your mind by just looking at your face?

Oh yeah, since he didn’t really know you anymore.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Roy said in a low voice. Jamie hadn’t realised that his friend had even leaned in, the sound of his voice causing him to jump.

“The fuck you mean?” 

“You look like a fuckin’ deer in headlights.”

He didn’t have a proper response, so he said nothing. The feeling of Roy’s eyes burning holes in the side of his head were nothing compared to the discomfort he felt from just entering the changing room. The air around him began to suffocate him. You were the only presence he could feel. It had always been like that, when it came down to you, but not like this. Never like this.

“This is Roy Kent, the head manager of the club,” Rebecca continued on with the introductions. Roy grunted in your direction, but a daggered glare from the owner forced him to raise a hand for a shake. You were stiff as a board as you took it.

“And last, but certainly not least, we have Jamie Tartt here.”

And then you were in front of him, wide eyes boring into his face. A whiff of your perfume hit his nostrils. The same perfume you had been wearing since he had gifted you that same bottle for your seventeenth birthday. Now it was a lethal gas, asphyxiating him. Hands shaking at his sides, he stuffed them in the front pocket of his jacket. From his periphery, he could see Rebecca just as angry at him for not going to shake your hand or properly greet you, but unlike Roy, he stood his ground.

After a moment, you cleared your throat.

“Actually,” You said with a shaky breath that Jamie did not miss. “We’ve met before.” 

His lungs ceased to function as his entire body ran cold. 

“We went to school together.” 

It was such a simplification of it all. Twenty three years of knowing someone condensed into five simple words. It felt like a million swords flying through his body.

“How nice!” Rebecca said, her voice high. “Isn’t it lovely to be greeted by a familiar face?” She looked between the two of you expectantly.

You stared at him, your expression neutral.

“Yeah,” You said ominously. “Familiar.” 

That was when he saw it. The fire behind your eyes. Oh, how many times he had seen that anger, but rarely towards him. When the two of you began to really fight, it was almost entirely over the phone, which meant he didn’t have to see it. Which was exactly how he wanted it. Having to see those eyes with so much hatred in them would’ve made him quickly fold. Just like he wanted to right at this moment.

Rebecca pulled you away, saying something about seeing your new office. Jamie’s heart went cold when the warmth of your stare left him. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from your receding back, and even when you disappeared behind the door, his gaze was still glued to that direction, as if you would reappear any second.

“Jamie, please tell me you hit that,” Jan Maas said as he also continued to stare at the door you disappeared through.

“Fuck off, Jan Maas,” He grumbled as he turned to walk towards the boot room. The room began to spin around him, his steps becoming clumsier.

The air in the boot room was fresh despite the reeking boots and unlaundered kits. It was untouched by your scent, which was what he needed. Jamie fell into the shelves, his hands supporting him from hitting the floor.

“Will, mate,” He said through shallow breaths. “I need ya to leave. Please. Go out there and make sure no one comes in, yeah?” Though he wasn’t looking at the kit man, he saw the movement out of the corner of his eyes.

“Y-yes, of course.” 

The second the door closed was the same second that Jamie lost control of his breathing. They became quick and rapid as his knuckles whitened against the wooden shelves. His head slowly grew light, his fingers tingly. 

It had been a while since he’d had one this bad. His mind went from being completely empty to running at a speed he couldn’t possibly comprehend. The room was silent, and yet so incomprehensibly loud. He squeezed his eyes shut. Nausea flooded his stomach and sent chills up his spine.

A voice filled his head.

Breath, my love. You need to breathe.

He inhaled in as best as he could, for as long as he could. As he held his breath, he counted to four in his head. Just as you had taught him. 

Fuck.

The thought of you made him once again lose his composure, and then the panic began once again. 

“FUCK.”

He began to throw boots off the shelves in frustration.

The guilt was filling his lungs, drowning him. Every single emotion he had felt over the years was coming back in full force, hitting him all at once. He didn’t know how to control it, so instead he let it out. The victims being the boots that Will had kept so clean and tidy.

Ground yourself. What can you see? What can you feel?

He forced another deep breath.

“The bench,” He mumbled to himself, looking down at the metal bench he was standing over. “Shelves…b-boots… kits… the wall…” He put a shaky hand on the shelf. “I can feel.. the wood…” Pulling away, he put it to his chest. “Me heart beat… and me shirt.” Then, he sat down, burying his face in his hands. “Me face.”

He could breathe again. 

Even when you were ripping his mind to shreds, you were also somehow putting him back together again.

The door slowly creaked open, but Jamie didn’t move a centimetre. Quiet footsteps made their way over to him.

“What happened?” Sam’s voice asked. Though he pulled his hands away from his face, he didn’t look up at his friend, instead opting to stare at his socked feet. There was another pair next to them, the hairy legs letting him know that Roy was also in the room.

“It’s a long story,” Jamie said, wiping his eyes. He didn’t realise that he had been crying until that moment. “But it starts and ends with one thing.” Bringing a hand away from his face, he stabbed his index finger against his chest. “Me being a proper fuck up.”

~

TAGS

@oncasette, @shiptheship, @ajkdjdnkekemfxj, @breepboopbap, @sssatorus, @jelleeyfish, @puckyou-forpuckssake, @ricciardhoe3, @buckybarnex, @loveslide, @hopefulromances, @sokkigarden, @optimisticsandwichgladiator, @hanybunch

[harrysmimi]

CEOrry Pt. 3

Synopsis: One where things get messy but Patience is a virtue

Series Masterlist | More of my work

YN was nervous.

Very nervous to talk to Harry. He haven't got to see her because of her finals, apart from checking up on her through calls and texts. But her convocation is tomorrow and she's got a doctor's appointment for the 12th week.

She's started to show up pretty prominently now, especially to herself.

He's going to be excited, that's bound to be. He's also going to ask if he can feel the baby, though there's a doubt there's anything to feel and that inevitable that he won't ask that. YN's been feeling very uncomfortable in her body lately. Especially when she's gained a little weight. Healthy weight. But on the video call the other day her step mother was the first and very excited to point that out. That caused her father to ask her questions but nothing made him suspicious about anything.

But YN's also gotten obsessed her little baby bump. She should get used to this because she'll have to leave the little one growing in her womb. Which is not something she's really looking forward to. Her friends have been bugging her wanting to touch her belly, which she doesn't really have a problem with but she also doesn't want to be touched. Especially when she's been insecure about her body lately.

It's not the first time. But she's learnt a way to over come it and be confident in who she is and how she is.

Anyway she got into her knock off branded Adidas sweats, an old T-shirt and her dad's jerkin she stole years ago before she was on her way down stairs.

To her surprise, Harry came to pick her alone today. No Jeremy.

"Hey!" Harry beamed watching her get in the passenger seat.

"Hi." She smiled back as she buckled up her seat belt.

"How are you doing? Been long since I saw you." He pulled out of the parking spot, headed to the way of maternity clinic for her scheduled check up.

"I've been good." She shared, "morning sickness here and there, but I'm doing good."

"Why didn't you tell me, YN?" He scolded, lowkey.

"Is there anything you can do about morning sickness?"

"We would have figured something out." He looked pissed now, sort of, "or I could have called Dr. Wilson to see if there is something we can do."

"It's fine, Harry, I'll ask her about it today." She sighed in defeat.

YN have been feeling way too emotional lately. She cried last night because there was no milk for her tea at midnight. Poor Josh had to make a run to the grocery store last minute. Now she usually doesn't cry but she can't help it lately. And she felt bad for even letting her friend go out in middle of the night to get her some milk.

She sat there in silence the whole ride to the clinic, waiting for their turn. Just lost in her own thoughts.

What is she even doing?

Her dad is going to be upset with her, even though she's sure he'll come around and make peace with it. But disappoint someone who's always been so kind and loving and patient with her, her whole entire life?

It is going to be inevitable to hide from him. As her cousin is getting married just two and half months after she's due for delivery. And she has to be there because she's really close the cousin who's getting married. It js hard being around her relatives as it is, and her changed appearance is going to cause a lot of questions.

The truth is going to raise a lot of eyebrows towards her character. No one will understand why she's done what she's done. Nor does she expects anyone to. It's just that she doesn't know if she'll be able to handle all of this.

And surely her step mother is going to be using this against her. She has to tell her father before he hears it from someone else.

It was going to be just like when she started therapy at the age of thirteen. People in her family thought she was going mental. She really had to pull out of it because the bickering and gossiping was getting too much.

And it wasn't like therapy was working for her either way.

Loss of her own mother and her dad marrying again withing two years, shocked her. But she's made peace with it all now. Or has she really?

"YN?" Harry gentle touch on her shoulder brought her back to earth.

"Yes?" She gasped, "is it my turn?"

"No it's not. Not yet." Harry looked st her concerned, "YN, hey love, is everything okay?"

She realised she was crying again, "yeah, everything is fine." She assured him, laughing softly to make the vibe lighter around her. "I'm getting very emotional lately."

"That's okay." He rested his hand on her back, "you can talk to me if anything is bothering you, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded. "I just can't help it. I'm sorry!"

"Hey, come here." He cooed as he pulled her into a warm hug, "it's okay, you can cry. You sure there's nothing bothering you?"

"Mhmm." She lied.

"Okay. We have to wait ten minute, just a little heads up for you." He whispered to her. And she swore she felt a feathery kiss being placed on her hair!

"I'm going to ruin your white shirt, my mascara is not waterproof." She sniffled pulling away politely from him.

The bare minimum is gonna get her in deep trouble here!

He just nodded and sat there. Soon enough ut was her turn. Everything was fine, the baby is growing perfectly, YN's healthy too. No complications as well. Well, her tiny bump was no longer secret to Harry. He didn't say anything though.

And they got new pictures!

"Hey, are you mad?" She asked when they reached his car in the car park.

"No, I'm happy that the baby and you are healthy." He looked at her confusedly and concerned. "Let's go to my place, yeah? We can talk it over lunch. Just not here."

"Yeah."

......................................................................

His place looked slightly different.

YN's been to his house just a couple of times. Very humble looking for a millionaire. Just a four bedroom, three story house in a quiet and gated community.

She was very nervous to go to his house the first time when he asked her to meet him there for their agreement. She was also very intimidated by him the first time.

He stood almost a feet taller than her, bulky with his piercing green eyes and serious look. He is always wearing suits, which added to the intimidating vibes. YN found out he's got dimples just about few weeks ago!

Turns out he's a real softie in reality.

YN was very nervous obviously. She looked tired and shaken up. Desparate for help.

Now that he thinks behind he was too harsh on her. Like way too harsh. Interviewing her like he's going to hire her to hold all of his secrets to the grave. Part of him wanted to know all about her because the surrogacy thing doesn't allow him to read much about the personal choices she makes which may affect his future child.

Now, YN had partial idea of what she was getting herself into. She was stood in front of a giant front door to a fucking mansion. Shiny and expensive looking door handle. Two expensive looking pots with actual live plants in them on either side of the door.

She missed the huge dog by the gate which had two security guards dresses in all black who checked her stuff before she was allowed past the gates. She could see the flecks of what was the back yard from the side of his mansion.

Not realising she was stood there for more that several minutes as the door was opened even before she could get s chance to ring the door bell. There he stood, dresses in a baby blue shirt with a white sheer button down underneath it, a black Gucci belt held the pants to on his upper hips, a gold buckle on it. His shirt was partially open with a display of silver cross necklace he wore, and flecks of his chest hair. He stood about a foot or half taller than her there. Piercing green eyes and lucious eye lashes. Straight a prominent nose with lips of the softest shade of pink she has ever seen.

She shook off her thoughts knowing there is 98% chance he's married, wanting kids with his wife or husband or spouse.

"Hi, please come in." He stepped aside so she can get in.

YN clutched onto handles of her bag hung over her shoulders tightly as she walked in. She was expecting the partner to show up any time. She was more nervous for that. Harry asked her to take a seat as he walked in the kitchen asking if she would like anything to drink.

"Just water please." She shared. It didn't take him long to come back out with a glass of cold water and a mug of black coffee for himself. It was almost six in the evening and he was having a coffee.

YN was already sat, carefully on the expensive looking leather sofa clutching onto her bag for her dear life. She's never been this nervo before. Not even for her job interviews. She worked as a teacher at a pre-school for now and worked a second job on weekends and even on week days if she got time. She even saw a green and black files lying on the coffee table with a fancy looking pen.

"So you're really sure you want to do this, Ms. YLN?" He asked.

"Please, call me YN." She said nervously, "and ummm, aren't we going to wait for your partner..." She dragged out the word trying to figure out right words, "... spouse?"

"We won't have to, because I don't have one." He set his coffee mug down. "These are the agreements you can take this and read it please. And we'll work from there."

"That's it?" She was shocked. "You called me all the way here for this?" And now she's confused, because she already agreed to the online agreement she signed on the surrogacy site.

"You might wanna read that, Ms. YLN." He pointed out.

"Yeah, yes, I, I am gonna read it. Obviously." She still couldn't stop stuttering. "I thought you had me over because you wanted to ask few things, that's what your manager told me." She was very scared in that moment.

"Yes, but I figured it wouldn't be necessary." He shared.

YN opened the file to have a read at the agreement which didn't look that long. But it hit her.

"Wait, you clearly don't have a wife or a girlfriend or a partner or whatever!" She couldn't fathom what she was getting herself into, "this baby would be mine as well, unless you have an egg donor. Please tell me you have that sorted?"

"No, I don't." He admitted way too casually for her liking.

That didn't sit right with her. That baby would be hers as well then. She wouldn't want to give up her baby, and in future go on to pretend as if she doesn't have her first born somewhere in the world with her own kids she gets to keep.

Her mind was racing a hundred thoughts per minute as she read the agreement. The clauses had her feel more anxious. She has to quit her fucking job?!

He wad ready to agree on whatever amount she wanted in return!

There is no questions to be asked from the recieving party, where as she is obligated to answers every question. Especially questions related to her health and medical problems or history. It was for the safety of the child.

She can't see the baby after they're born.

"I'm sorry, I, I can't do this." She closed the file and placed it back on the table in from of her. "I can't give up my child like that. I thought you just needed someone to carry your baby for you and your partner. And, and I can't even ask questions?"  She was also on verge of crying. "I, I hope you understand."

"You'll get anything you ask for." He shrugged as if he was making a fucking business deal, "can sign you a cheque for a hundred thousand pounds now and we'll sort out the rest later."

"What? No!" She exclaimed, "you-- can I ask why you want a baby when you're clearly single?"

"You can't." He's very blunt with his answers. "No questions. Just let me know by the end of this week."

"You don't have to wait for the end of the week, I won't be doing this." She stood firm to her decision, "hope you find someone who's ready to work on your conditions, but I can't."

Harry was disappointed but he can't be really. She doesn't agree with it. He can't force her. And YN just left that day.

Just for her to call his manager back up ten days later, in desparation of agreeing but she wasn't going to quit either of her jobs. And that was final. To which he clearly agreed as he had no more patience in him.

And here they are.

His beige sofa and ottomans were switched to yellow sofa and a burgundy and blue side sofa chair thingies. A natural wood stock coffee table with a glass top was set in middle, on a Moroccan rug underneath. Apart from that everything was same.

"You got new sofa?" She asked.

"Yeah." He closed the door behind him after following her inside, "my god daughter, Ruby was over the other day and she spilt her blue paint all over me sofa. It looked like someone murdered a Smurf there." YN laughed at that.

"You want to take a seat whilst I go heat up the food?" He suggested, walking over to the dining area he pulled a chair for her.

"Yeah." She nodded. Placing her bag on the sofa she made her was to the dining area. "You can cook too?"

"No. No, no I can't." He chuckled sheepishly there, "Lizzie, my housekeeper and chef looks after this all."

"You have a personal chef?" YN couldn't believe what he said which shouldn't be surprising in the first place. He hummed to answer her. "Wow you're rich!"

"Well, I like to think that way." He shrugged.

"Some of us have to make our meals and sometimes that doesn't happen too. I'm so jealous of you!" YN groaned, "I want to be mega rich too someday."

"What do you mean that doesn't happen sometimes?" He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her.

"What?" She looked at him nervously. She shouldn't have said that.

Her friends have been there for her recently. At least one of them is to make sure she's had all her meals. Even if that meant cooking for her (she's getting spoilt). YN haven't had to skip a meal because of anything since she found out she's pregnant. But before she could explain all of this, he snapped.

"I told you to move in with me!" He exclaimed, "at least you can have something to eat on time for fucks sake." His voice raised. YN was taken back because she's never heard him this loud.

"Harry, I can't just move in with you." She said, "I'd end up fucking homeless, I have no family here."

"So you think I'm going to kick you out after the baby is born as if I'm some kind of heartless monster?" He scoffed in disbelief, "you think that low of me, YN?"

"I, I never said that." She choked on her breathe trying not to cry, "I'm done. I can't cry in front of you again." She barged out to the living room and grabbed her her bag ready to leave. She lost her patience because he raised his voice again.

"Run away like you always do." He yelled from the other side of the room, "you're so scared of confrontations and talking, aren't you?"

"Learnt from you." She slipped on her shoes.

"YN you step one foot out." He warned her.

"Yeah? Watch me!"

"YN, stop!" He rushed to stop her from leaving, he grabbed onto her hand taking in a deep breath to calm himself down. "Hey, look I'm sorry. I, I shouldn't have raised my voice at you. Let's talk okay?"

"I am not scared of confrontations or talking, okay?" She laid it out clear in front of him, "you jump to conclusions without even listening to the person in front of you."

"Hey I'm really sorry." He whispered, "I wouldn't-- that won't happen again."

"No, stop." She whispered slipping her hand out of his. "Don't talk to me."

"I, I won't. Just please don't leave, okay?" He suggested, "we can just sit here and talk whenever you feel alright."

He heated up the food his chef made and left in the fridge. He usually eats the same thing for dinner so there was enough for the both of them. Eating in silence was really not something he enjoys but it's a better option than to leave things unsaid.

He noticed she barely ate anything, so he ordered something she eats usually. The handful of time they've had meals together and she gets the same thing.

"I don't want you to baby sit me, Harry. I'm not going to share a word!" She warned him. "This is so stupid. It's not like I'd die after skipping one meal. I made a freaking joke!"

"I'm not baby sitting you." He shrugged simply.

"You're making me eat forcefully, you're not letting me go back home alone. That's baby sitting."

"I'm looking out for you YN because I'm your friend, if that's what you call baby sitting then fine." He picked up his empty dishes and walked back into the kitchen, he frustratingly started cleaning the counter top, "I'd rather baby sit you than you passing out on an empty stomach. You know how bad being pregnant takes a toll on your whole body?" She sat there with her head down, still playing with her food and fork.

Of course he's going to look out for his baby.

"I've seen my friends and cousins go through this YN. Whilst I might have not everything but I know." He walked back to her. "I want you to be healthy as well. I want you to know that I don't back off my friendships. I shouldn't doubt you for looking after yourself, I apologise for that."

"Hmm." She sniffled. "And I'm crying again!"

"It's okay." He assured her, "it's alright."

"I, I, I need to tell my dad." She sobbed, "he can't know from anyone else."

"You can tell him." Harry wrapped his arms around her, "it's okay."

"I don't know. He's going to be so disappointed!" Her breath shuddered as she was crying so much.

"I'm sure he's not going to, YN." Harry rubbed her back gently, "you just need to explain it to him."

"You think so?"

"Mhmm." He nodded.

"I want to go home now, please."

"Yeah, I'm gonna take you home." He placed a kiss on her head before he was off to get his keys, "come on."

......................................................................

YN contemplated till it was too late for her to video call her dad. So she cried herself to sleep.

The next thing she heard was someone calling for her name softly, feeling a warm hand running up and down on her arm.

Wait... Is she dreaming?

Realising that made her wake up gasping.

"Hey, hey, you're okay." The familiar deep and raspy voice got her back to earth. It is Harry.

"Oh my god!" She sighed. "Please open the window. Please!"

"Yeah." He got up quickly and opened her windows to let the fresh air in and just as quickly got back to sit on the edge of her bed. "I didn't mean to scare you. Kayla let me in, wanted to come in and check on you."

"The baby is fine Harry." She sighed falling back in bed, pulling up her blanket to her chin as she tried to fall back asleep.

"YN, you still think I don't care about you?" He sounded so defeated, "you matter more, YN, okay? I've come in to check on you because you seemed so upset and anxious yesterday. Please, I need you to understand I'm not doing this just because I only care about my baby. You're my friend now!"

"Right." She nodded, "I want to sleep more still please, I'm very tired."

"Don't you have a convocation to go to?"

"It's today?" She asked, "oh my god, it's today!" And she realised it herself. "What the fuck, what the fuck!" She got out of bed in panic.

"Hey, be careful." He warned her.

"Get off my bed, I need to fix it!" She scolded him.

"Let me do it." He stopped her. "You go get ready. You've got barely three hours."

"No, it's fine let me—"

"I said go get ready, YN." He grabbed onto her arms to steady her, gently. "I'm going to be your escort for tonight."

"I don't an escort."

"Trust me you will, when Kayla and Julia are busy with their dates." With that he left her room.

"Harry, I don't need an escort!"

"I know." He called from the living room, "now chop-chop darling. You're going to be a Doctor of Philosophy today."

......................................................................

YN got ready as fast as she could. She couldn't waste much time.

Being pregnant is already getting to her head, she could barely imagine how she'd be when she's much further in. She was locked into her bathroom getting ready.

Her bedroom door doesn't lock up as the previous boy who lived there had it broken, some drunk college students were hooking up in his bedroom. Josh was super mad for that giy to even throw a party whilst the other three of the roommates were gone out of town.

Least to say, YN never got it fixed nor did their landlord. He's a dick!

Just as she was about slip on her dress, she glanced at herself in the mirror. She hates looking in mirror but she saw the little bump.

Well, she's practically naked, stood in her mismatched knickers and bra. Usually she's feel sexy, without even looking at the mirror. Mirrors are just self-districting weapons.

But she felt different there. Her body was growing another life inside of her. It was part hers. She shouldn't and she couldn't help but her resting her hand on her bulging belly.

Wait... She can't let this happen again. This time it's going to be worse, she'll have to give up the baby. They will live and she won't ever get to see them again.

Taking in a long breath she quickly put on her dress and fixed her already styled hair. She's not going to let this ruin her special day. She was out of her bathroom and room immediately gathering all her stuff like when you don't think you need a basket or a trolly at the store.

"You want me to help you?" Harry rushed to gather her jacket and her bag she uses everyday. "What have you got in here?"

"I am perfectly capable of taking my own stuff." She rolled her eyes and walked to kitchen to fix herself a sandwich real quick.

"We're going to get breakfast on the way love, don't worry about it. Now come on." Harry ushered her out.

......................................................................

Least to say, Harry was happy seeing YN all bubbly and happy today. She was giggling with her friends, and he didn't quite felt like an outsider. Especially with Julia and Kayla shooting daggers at him with their eyes.

"Hello, Dr. YN YLN, nice to finally meet you. I'm Harry Styles." Harry introduced himself formally.

"Likewise, Mr. Styles." YN shook his hand but ended up in fit of giggles and went in to hug him tightly. "Oh my god, I can't believe this!"

"I know." He wrapped his own arms around hers, "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you!" She squealed, "thanks for saying that!"

"Of course, darling." He pulled away to look at her beaming at him. He knew she was about to tell him something but someone called for photos. But at the end she came to him asking him to take her pictures on his iPhone.

Later he found out YN and her friends were skipping on partying lile crazy tonight, they had to go and start working their butts off for Kayla and Josh's wedding. YN being the maid of honour and Julia being the only brides maid, they both had many responsibilities.

Now Harry wanted to talk to about some things. He also wanted to ask her if she's feeling any better about this situation she's in. He could clearly see how much her father matters to her. And most importantly she still seemed mad at him this morning.

The party was getting intense and if he was being honest he missed going out to parties. Corporate parties loose all their glory after a certain period. But he was also enjoying seeing YN so happy, seeing how her friends were taking care of her despite being a bit tipsy at this point.

Well, the girls were drunk their arse off when he first found YN at one of his clubs with her friends, they wouldn't let go of her. He craved that kind of friendship!

But the place was becoming more crowded, though he didn't wanted to take YN away from the fun he kept an eye on her side. He saw YN carefully making her way towards him to where he was sat by the bar.

"Hey." He beamed at her. A glass of red wine in his hand which looks like it's untouched. That was his trick so no one asks to buy him a drink or try to flirt.

"Hey, can you please take me back to my place?" She asked, "I would stay but I'm very tired and I want to sleep."

"Let's go then, yeah?" He kept his glass on the counter and stood up buttoning his blazer, lead her to the back door.

"How do you know this way?" YN was confused.

"I just know." He shrugged. "You want to get anything before we drive to yours?"

"No, I'm good." She nodded.

Harry turned off music in his car as he saw her falling asleep there.

He had a nice day with her. But he was still not able to get out the feeling he has been feeling from yesterday. She haven't said a word about it to him, maybe she forgot?

He reached her flat way too quickly for his liking. He parked his car on the side of the road, contemplating if he should wake her up. She looks so peaceful whilst sleeping.

"Hey, YN?" He called for her softly which was enough to wake her up luckily, "we're here at your place."

"Oh, I'm sorry I fell asleep." She shook her head to wake herself up properly, "thank you for driving me back."

"Of course, darling." He smiled, "do you want me to help you with that?" But he still got out quickly and got her graduation gown, cap and her bag for her from the back seat. "Come on, I'll walk you upstairs."

"Sure." She shrugged.

Honestly, she was too tired to even walk herself up the stairs alone with that much stuff in her hands. She could use the help he was offering.

......................................................................

"YN, can I have a minute with you before I go? Please?" Harry requested as he set down YN's stuff in her room.

"Mhmm." She nodded and sat down on her bed to take off her shoes. She had swelling in her feet even this early in the pregnancy.

"I want to talk about yesterday." He crouched on the floor in front of her to help her taking off her shoes, "I didn't mean to make you upset YN, I promise. I, I, I guess I've been so bad with protecting people my relationships in my life. I, I don't, I don't want anything to happen to the little one, or you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you've become a good friend of mine. And I know food can be a bit of a sensitive subject for some, I'm sorry if I hurt you in anyway like that. I didn't mean to take the joke in a wrong way."

"Why would you say it like that?" She was confused. "I mean the relationships thing, or am I still not allowed to ask you questions?"

"Let's just say I'm too scared to let people in my life." He smiled sheepishly as he looked up at her through his lashes, "even though I manage to annoy you-- unintentionally!-- I'm sorry for that."

"It's just my hormones going all haywire. I'm very patient, I promise." She smiled at him, "and I get it now, so you don't have to apologise. In fact I am sorry, I overreacted yet again, and you have to put up with my shit."

"Yes, I have to apologise, but you don't." He said with a firm tone as he set her shoes aside. "Whilst I can't know what you're going through, the least I can do is try to understand. I just hope I'm good enough of the little one."

"You'll be an amazing dad to this kid, Harry, I'm sure of that." She assured him as if she can look into future and she sees him and this kid living the happiest life imaginable.

"I'm going to hang onto that." He nodded, he can have that hope with him.

He knows, he shouldn't be doubting himself now even though he's been ready for this for years. He isn't doubting about anything, but he's just nervous, that's all it is. He has everything he could, read every parenting book under the sun, talked his friends who are parents and even his own mother; who always told him that she can never be fully ready to be a parent. No matter how many books his reads or how many TedTalks videos he'd binged.

He's heard that some people don't feel that instant connection with their new born, he's afraid of all the what ifs? which comes along with it.

"Do you want to feel your baby, Harry?" She asked.

"You, you sure you'll, you'll be comfortable with it?" He was a little surprised to say the least.

"Yes, I am." She nodded.

Harry hesitantly placed his hand on her baby bump. He gasped, even though he couldn't feel the baby yet, he'd yearned for this moment for years. It hit him that the baby wasn't moving until he realised his thumb was rubbing circles on YN's stomach.

"Can, can you feel them move?" He panicked.

"Not yet, I read that babies start moving for about sixteen to eighteen weeks." She explained, "there's nothing to worry about."

"Okay." He sighed in relief, "I can't believe this." It was pretty evident he's happy that his eyes were tearing up quite a bit, tip of his nose turned a light shade of pink.

"Well it's happening." She tried not to laugh at his adorable reaction, "I'm so happy for you, Harry, and thank you for helping me."

"Don't have to mention that, darling," he gave her squinty eyed smile to keep his tears from escaping. "Thank you for letting me... you know, feel the baby bump."

"Your welcome." YN chuckled.

"Did that come out wrong?"

"No, you're very cute that's all." She shut her eyes for a moment as realisation set in.

"You think I'm cute?" He smirked cheekily.

"I meant to say annoying." She straightened her posture, failing to make the situation less awkward for herself.

"Hmmm, sure." Harry chuckled. Dimples denting deep in his cheeks as little crinkles become more prominent at the corners of his gorgeous eyes, his bunny teeth showing. He smiled truly from within in front of her. Maybe it was the first time. "You need me to get you anything before I leave?"

"Yeah, can you get me a bottle of water from kitchen, please?" She asked sheepishly.

"Sure." He stood up from his place on the floor.

He padded his way down to the kitchen and grabbed a reusable bottle of water for her from the fridge, it had her name on it, and many other reusable bottles with her and her friends' name on it. He closed the fridge door, just as he was about to leave he saw a picture of YN stuck on the door with a rose magnet. Along with three more pictures, but this one intrigued him more.

It was a picture taken with a disposable camera, a man who looked to be YN's dad. She looked to be about twelve to thirteen years old in her school uniform and her hair tied in two braids with red ribbons, a little six year old boy who looked exactly like her sat in her lap in his own school uniform, everyone smiling wide for the picture. Her dad was wearing the same jerkin she's got with her.

He wondered where her mum was.

He made his way back to her room after all, keeping his thoughts and questions to himself to not unintentionally make her upset with his curiosity. He placed the water bottle on the night stand.

"Oh my god!" He got scared when he felt something rubbing against his leg, it was a ginger cat. "You scared me." He scolded the cat as if she's going to give a fuck about what he says.

The feline jumped up on YN's bed and curled up into a ball, paws tucked under her chest as she fell fast asleep.

"You have a cat?" He asked once he saw YN come out of her bathroom in her PJs.

"Oh no she's not mine." YN smiled, "she's Noodle by the way, Kayla's fur baby. She likes to stay with me."

"I've never seen her." He was so fascinated by the cat.

"She's a senior cat, she's likes to stay in Kayla's room. Noodle is a smart cat, she knows when I'm getting ready I'll be heading out so she's in her mother's room." YN explained. "She probably came in here noticing that I'm here. I don't go anywhere much so we became good friends."

"I never knew I had a competition!" He chuckled.

"Unlike you, she doesn't piss me off. Especially when I'm all hormonal." She scoffed jokingly, rolling her eyes.2

"Did you just rolled your eyes at me?" He looked genuinely surprised and mildly offended.

And she did it again!

"Did you eat my chocolate cake or something, took you long enough to get a bottle of water?" She asked sitting down on her bed.

"There was a chocolate cake?" He acted as if he was going to go devour it in that moment.

"Don't you dare!" She warned him earning a few laughs.

"Your picture caught my eye. On the fridge." He shared.

"Mhmm." She nodded taking a sip from her water. He took a seat next to her when she said nothing else, being careful of the cat of course!

"Do you mind me asking what are you doing tomorrow?" He asked, hesitant and mildly scared.

"I have to teach a crowd of teenagers tomorrow, like everyday." She shrugged.

"No, I meant after." He corrected himself quickly, "I should have worded that right."

"After I'll be going out with Kayla for her wedding dress shopping, and after that... I have nothing to do, why?"

"Do you maybe want to come over to mine?" He tried to be subtle, "I, I, I'll have my god daughter over as her parents will be going out. She, uhhhh, she can be handful some times."

"You baby sit too?" She was intrigued, but she's also pulling his leg.

"I'm her god father so I have some responsibilities." He shrugged, "but I could use some help."

"Hmm, sure." She nodded.

"Okay, I'll ask Lizzie to make something for you too for dinner." He tried his best to hide his excitement there. "I think I should leave now."

"I'll walk you to the door." She offered.

"You don't have to, I'll see myself out."

"I have to feed the cat and lock the door. Those bastards aren't coming home tonight, I know that." YN explained as she followed him out, almost bumped into him when he stopped dead in his tracks.

"You'll be alone all night?" He turned around.

"I'll be fine."

"YN, I can't--" he sighed, "I don't want to leave you alone this time."

"I'll be fine. I promise." She assured him.

He didn't wanted to force her but he also didn't wanted to leave her alone. After what happened that night, he doesn't want to leave her alone. It is going to bug him all night now.

He bid his byes with her for the night, before he was headed back to his place.

It was nearly two in the morning and he couldn't sleep. Even after drinking two cups of sleep tea. He almost picked up his phone to call and check in on her but soon realised she must have falled asleep. He doesn't want to disturb her.

She'll call him if she needs anything. She did last time.

......................................................................

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[bomberqueen17]

quick turnaround

The first chicken processing day is this coming tuesday. so we got back into town around 7pm last night, and I immediately put a load of laundry in.

This is mostly me wittering about chores and medical stuff, so, cut for boring, LOL.

it's cold and rainy here so I hung last night's laundry up on drying racks in the guest room, so mostly it is dry this morning-- delicates, so they didn't need to dry in the sun really-- and now this morning i've put in a second load and it's already on drying racks and some is on the line, it's not raining but it's cloudy so it'll dry slow, but like, trousers and t-shirts do better on the line than on racks. Yes I do own a dryer-- a gas dryer actually-- but it beats the fuck out of my clothes and I don't like to use it if I can in any way avoid it. (Mostly I use it to tumble towels and dress shirts for fifteen minutes, and then I hang them out once they're steaming and hot, and they dry without wrinkles that way. Yes I'm on the OCD spectrum, yes it mostly manifests about laundry. Hilariously, my farm BIL is also on the OCD spectrum, farther along it toward where it's actually a problem [mine is SO mild I don't claim it as a disorder at all, i just have things i Care About for Reasons], and has done tons of work on himself and tries to mask it, but once I understood that about him I understood that most of our lil workplace quarrels were our compulsions clashing, so I started making more concerted efforts to decide when to bow to his compulsions and when to advocate for mine, which in many cases are informed by superior knowledge as I've worked in food service more than him. I bow to him more on cleaning now because he does have prior janitorial experience. Unless I can prove he's wrong, LOL.)

I went off Ritalin mostly while on vacation-- I took it the morning I went fabric shopping because I thought it might help me actually make decisions, and that went well so maybe it worked. But that means I have extra pills, so I'm going to try to today take a morning and midday dose, while I have So Much To Do to prepare for the coming couple of weeks, and see if that plus the structure of this massive to-do list help me get anywhere. I just feel like if I can have this data before my next $300 3-minute psych consult I'll make more progress. Ritalin is better than Adderall (less brutal comedown, less getting "stuck")-- I *think*, but it's hard to tell. Vyvanse was also very hard to evaluate, is the problem, because that one I never did have any spare pills so I could never try an effective dose.

I do get it, i do get not giving me high doses when I'm so unsupervised, but-- for all of the medications, the first couple of days were weird and I had trouble hydrating and I was jittery and stuff, but it went away so quickly, I would have been fine with "take half dose two days, then ramp up to effective dose and see how it works" type directions, instead of "take what we know absolutely will be too little for you for two weeks and then come back and try to guess whether it helped", which has just meant I don't really have much data to on on here.

But. I've spent almost forty years needing this kind of medication and not able to access it at all, so I'm reminding myself that this is very rapid progress really.

So I figure I'll do a double dose today, a single tomorrow while I'm driving (maybe I will take that sole dose at midday, since driving is easy and boring but then I have work I need to get done all afternoon), and then I'll try either single or double dosing for the week of farm work until I can get my next appointment, depending how many pills I have. I want to be consistent but lol. It's not in my nature and it's not in my circumstances, so it can be a goal.

I also should write down what I realized about my sciatic nerve. I was joking that my knee caught a haunting in New Orleans somehow. Because it went from being a classic sciatic nerve pain situation-- starting in hip, through back of leg, ending at back of knee-- and wound up just being this horrible pinching pain right inside my knee, like not in the joint but somehow manifesting in a dimension extending from the back of my patella into Hell somehow-- and it was keeping me awake both when trying to nap during the day and also at night when trying to sleep. So I gave up on sleeping and sat on the couch to bitch about it in the complaints channel on the Discord where I'm mostly at home (it was a witcher server and over the last two or three years has mutated into just this ragtag group of us bitching about unrelated things and occasionally dumping fanworks on each other, sometimes about unrelated media)--

but here I'm gonna let you in on a secret, which is that complaining works sometimes. What? Yes. So in order to elicit maximal sympathy from my pocket friends by describing the problem really well (they're very good pocket friends, and many of them know things so describing stuff well sometimes means they have good advice, but even if not, I take satisfaction in communicating well, so I at least feel better about having done that), I really started paying attention to the pain, and I realized that what was happening was that it was sort of slowly throbbing on a cycle. I always knew where it was, but then it would get painful enough that I felt I had to move and change position, and it would stay at that level of pain for three or four seconds, and then taper off until I only just was aware of it, and then it would repeat-- and it was on a thirteen-to-fifteen-second cycle, and this is the crucial thing, it was unaffected by movement. I had been tossing and turning because what would happen was that it hurt badly enough that I felt I had to move it, and I would move and the pain would ease, and I would try to settle into a position, and then the pain would come back, and my half-asleep exhausted self thought that it was something I was doing. So it meant I was constantly moving, which meant I could not sleep. I had finally gotten out of bed and was alternating stretching and pacing, which seemed to be helping but then it was coming back, and the pacing sure as fuck wasn't helping me sleep, and I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong, until finally I stood still and timed it, and then moved and timed it, and realized it was the same.

Realizing that it was happening regardless of movement made me able to hold still while it hurt most acutely, and then sure enough it faded away. And once I knew that moving wouldn't help, I could ride out the urge to move. And once I wasn't constantly trying to find a comfortable position, I could rest. And once I was resting, I could fall asleep. Because this is the annoying thing-- the pain wasn't that bad, even. It's not the agony it has been in the past. I could move through it, easily. It was just too much to hold still through, until I realized that was what I needed to be doing.

So anyway-- traveling home it was mostly fine, it does not like standing in lines, and mostly i sat as much as possible, which isn't good for me long-term but i know over the next couple of weeks i will be doing a shitton of walking and standing so. we'll figure out tactics then.

so along with the ritalin i will be working out my ideal regimens of ibuprofen, aleve, and weed, LOL. Routine! I can make a routine. I can hinge my routine off other people's, which is what works well for me at the farm, and i can see if i can master the art of the amphetamines and maybe get some of my shit done.

Unfortunately all I want to do this week is sew, I watched all of the tourists and locals in NOLA and looked at what they were wearing and now know exactly what I want to make.

and i don't have time to do any of it. but. if i think about it and make concrete plans, i already own much of the fabric and most of the patterns i need. so i can do this. But I'll post separately about the Fashion Lewks I want to do, LOL.

I won't see my physical therapist again until like maybe early June. I counted it out and I've been doing physical therapy for about sixteen weeks at this point. My sister graduated from her physical therapy program and is out on her own now, having hugely improved. I can tell the bad hip is much improved but not healed-- sitting on the plane yesterday someone walked by and bumped my knee and it absolutely did make the cartilage flap go "pop" so that's not healed, but it hurt a lot less than that sort of thing used to. At the last appointment I had, the PT said I should just keep doing the exercises as my circumstances allow, and if they're too easy just increase reps etc., and we'd re-evaluate when I finally saw her again, because obviously I've had all these underlying cascading problems that can only be slowly solved by getting slowly stronger, so who knows.

I don't have concrete goals for that but I would really just. Like to be not-disabled, mostly. Every person has limits, every person is going to have to sit down sometimes, every person is going to have to think hard and make choices about what they do with their bodies-- it's just part of getting into your mid-forties, really-- so I can't just set my goal as being able to do whatever whenever. But I would like to be able to walk for longer distances, I would like to be able to wait in a line without paying for it for days, I would like to just generally be in better shape. So I guess I'll try to work toward that.

idk. and sometime in july my doctor wants me to re-test my fasting blood glucose because the only thing she cares about of my health is that i'm fat and she thinks putting me on metformin will make me not-fat. you'd think she'd have had some interest in diagnosing the pain that was making me unable to exercise but that was not on her radar i guess.

anyway. that's what i'm going to do to get me to june. it's all farm time for the rest of the month and i'm going to do physical therapy and take meth. we'll see how that goes.

[peaches2217]

Updates! Updates updates updates~

TW: mention of needles and injection

Confession: I said I would wait until my appointment next week to start taking T… but I’ve already taken my first shot. Mom if you’re reading this please hear me out: I sought out advice, and the advice was that it’ll be easier to regulate my conditions medically if I’m treated as I am, as someone taking T, rather than regulating it pre-T and then risk T throwing everything off-balance and putting me back at Square One.

So: ya boygirl’s officially started testosterone! 🥳🎉

I spent a solid hour trying to hype myself up, because while I don’t have a fear of needles, I still don’t particularly like them. I was of course given options, but right away I was like “Yeah, I can take the shot, no problem!” It’s not a problem until you’re staring at the needles that came with your prescriptions and realize Oh, I have to stick one of those into my own fucking leg.

But to my shock, it was… surprisingly easy? I had a harder time just getting the medicine into the vial. The infographics I was given all said to stab it in fast, but while obsessively Googling how to minimize the pain, several people suggested inserting it slowly. So I tried that, and I… didn’t feel it. Little pinch, then nothing. Tiny bit of leakage, so I put some pressure on it then slapped a bandaid over it. And that was it. Got a bit sore at the injection site that night, it was still tender to the touch the next day, and today I have to press down with a fair amount of pressure to feel that same soreness at all.

I got a huge burst of energy for the first few hours then crashed HARD, like I had a full-fledged cold. Thankfully I found a subreddit for early-stage T users, and they verified that it’s totally normal! You’re so excited about the big changes coming your way, and your doctor’s so intent on ensuring you know how to do it safely, that neither of you think to discuss what happens immediately following the injections. And the answer just so happens to be “You may or may not feel like you’ve been hit by a truck the first few times.” 😅😂

Today is Day 2 in Full, Day 3 Overall. The first effects started showing up today: random bouts of weakness, stronger-than-normal hunger, occasional weird feelings in my throat, some other stuff y’all don’t wanna know about so I won’t overshare — so I’m bringing a nice big stash of peanut butter crackers and cough drops to work tomorrow. I intend to not only survive, but thrive through this second puberty!

My body feels a bit strange and when I’m tired, I’m TIRED (right now, for example, I can’t find the energy to get off the couch), yet I’m really happy. This is happening. 🥹

[all-the-things-2020]

Late Night Talking - Chapter Eight

Summary: Em had a rough day at work. Dieter makes her feel better.

Rating: PG-13 (nothing graphic, Em is still shy about writing explicit details about her relationship, lol)

Word Count: 4800+

Tag list: @rhoorl @avastrasposts @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @gwendibleywrites

Dieter insisted on driving himself home after the accident. He called me when he got there, complaining about what a pain in the ass the drive had been. The butt jokes continued throughout the week, accompanied by a few photos of the stitches to prove that he was healing up. 

“Dieter, I have enough pictures of your ass,” I told him on Thursday. “Besides, I’m going to see it in person tomorrow night.”

”You can never have enough pictures of my ass,” he replied. “Which, by the way, is looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.”

Friday morning I put my overnight bag into the trunk of my car. I was going to drive straight from work to Dieter’s place, since I would be back tracking if I went home first. Fridays are always long, but that one felt like an eternity. We were busy, but the beginning of school rush was starting to die down and I had pockets of downtime when my mind was able to wander. And it wandered toward Dieter.

Traffic was horrendous, of course, but I managed to get to Dieter’s house after only a two hour drive. He greeted me at the door wearing a pair of baggy pajama pants and an old Pac Sun t shirt. He was barefoot.

”Nice look,” I said as he wrapped me in his arms.

”I’m an invalid,” he said. “These are my sick clothes.”

”You’ve been to four meetings and a doctor’s appointment this week. You aren’t an invalid.”

He pouted. “But my butt hurts, baby.”

I tried to keep a straight face but it was impossible. Pouting Dieter always makes me laugh. 

We spent a quiet weekend, watching movies and making out on the couch. Dieter couldn’t go in the pool because of the stitches, which made him a bit grumpy, but otherwise it was the romantic weekend we’d attempted to have the previous week.

”I’m out of town all next week,” he said Sunday morning as we lazed in bed.

”Yeah, I know.” I laid my head on his broad chest and he stroked my hair. 

“Won’t be back in L.A. until Saturday night, so I guess we won’t see each other next weekend.” His hand played with my earlobe.

”It’s okay,” I said. “We’ll FaceTime.”

”Not the same,” he said, nibbling on my neck.

I sighed. “No, it’s not, but we’ll see each other the weekend after. You’re driving out, right?”

”If I can,” he said. “No, yeah, definitely. I’ve got a bunch of meetings and shit for the press tour that week but I will make sure I get out there on Friday. Play the entitlement card. ‘I’m Dieter Fucking Bravo. I make my own rules.’”

”Just don’t piss off anybody important,” I said. “I understand if your work messes with our plans. Work has to come first unless it’s an emergency. That’s what my parents always said.”

”Fuck that,” Dieter said vehemently. “People come first. Relationships come first. Work … work is important, but it’s not everything.”

”Okay,” I said carefully. I’d touched a nerve and didn’t want to probe it too much right then. “But I do understand that you have to do stuff for work. So do I.”

He mumbled something I didn’t catch and then distracted me by sliding one hand between my legs while he kissed my collarbone and I stopped thinking rationally for a while.

**************************************************************

[Text message conversation between Dieter and his publicist]

CARMEN: So, I need to know something.

DIETER: What?

C: There’s a weird rumor floating around and I need the truth.

D: Shit, now what?

C: I’ve heard two versions. One is you were injured “in bed” and needed stitches in your backside. The other is you had a fight with your girlfriend, broke some glass and she pushed you onto it, also requiring stitches.

D: Fuck. I did get hurt at Em’s but it wasn’t in bed and we didn’t have a fight. I fell off the fucking bed trying to reach the smoke alarm to change the battery and I broke a lamp. I landed on it and cut my ass cheek. That doctor promised he wouldn’t say anything to anybody.

C: I don’t think it was the doc. This isn’t coming from the public gossip sites; it’s word of mouth rumors in the industry.

D: Probably someone at my agent’s office. I was telling him the story because I had to reschedule a meeting so I could go get the stitches out. So what do we have to do?

C: Nothing. If either rumor breaks containment, we put out a statement clearing things up. Tell what really happened. If not, we ignore it.

D: Does Em know?

C: I haven’t said anything to her. Figured that’s your job.

***************************************************************

“People are saying what?” I was driving home from work when Dieter called and almost swerved off the road.

”One version is you were pegging me and ripped my butthole,” he said. “The other is we had a big fight, I broke some glass, then you pushed me down on it.”

”But … who would believe any of that?”

”Dumbass people,” he said with a sigh. “The shitheads at the gossip websites who would say anything for clicks. Look, I know this is ridiculous, but Carmen has it under control. If anything makes the mainstream, she’ll issue a statement.”

”Holy shit, what if my aunt hears any of this?” My mother’s sister was one of those stick-up-her-bum church lady types, mostly because she’d converted in her early twenties. Converts were the worst. I loved her dearly, but we did not see eye to eye on most aspects of my personal life. She’d already made it very clear to me that she thought I was sinning by engaging in premarital sex.

”It won’t get that far,” Dieter said. “I’ll tell Carmen to get out ahead of it. Get a statement out to the gossip rags. Let them know we’ll sue if they say anything that contradicts it.”

I was almost home. “Deet, how the hell do you live like this?”

”Everyone has rumors told about them,” he said. “I’ll bet your co-workers talk shit about you.”

I had to admit he was probably right. It wasn’t just students who were stuck in the high school paradigm. Any time you trapped a group of people in one place for hours and hours each day, they did what humans had been doing for millennia: they talked. The rumor mill was alive and well on campus, although as adults we were more circumspect than the kids were. 

“I still don’t like it,” I said, pulling up in front of my condo. 

”Nobody likes it, babe,” he said. “It’s one of the prices you pay for fame. And big paychecks.” He sighed. “I need to get back on set. I’ll see you next weekend.”

”See you then,” I said. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying “I love you.” It was a little bit silly, but I had vowed that I wouldn’t say it until Dieter did. I didn’t want to make a fool of myself.

******************************************************************

It had been a shitty day. We’d gotten a delivery of over two hundred boxes of math textbooks. Each box held six books and we needed to get them all unpacked, stamped, barcoded and out to students ASAP. The books had been ordered on time and should have arrived in the summer when there had actually been time to process them, but the publisher had screwed up on the first print run and they ended up backordered. I’d been unpacking boxes and stacking books on carts all day and my back was killing me. This work was usually done by volunteers and kids needing community service hours for graduation, but with the kids all in class, it fell to me and the textbook clerk, along with a couple of helpers loaned to us from the front office. All I wanted to do when I got home was take a hot shower, pop a handful of ibuprofen and crash on the couch with my shiatsu massager.

Things weren’t going to be easy until we got the job done, but at least I didn’t have to drive to Hollywood that weekend; it was Dieter’s turn to drive out to my place. I kept telling myself, You just have to make it through two more days.

As I pulled into the driveway, I noticed two things. First of all, Dieter’s bright red Audi was parked in front of my condo. Second of all, Dieter himself was sitting on my front step, reading a book and drinking what looked like a tall glass of my neighbor Mrs. Gutiérrez’s iced tea.

I climbed out of the car. “What are you doing here?”

“My meeting tomorrow got cancelled and I’m free for the rest of the week, so I thought I’d come out early, since I didn’t get to see you last weekend,” he said, setting down his book and glass. He stood up to hug me but I cringed when he did. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, we had a billion books to unpack today and my back is killing me,” I told him. “You should have called me before you drove all this way. I’m not going to be very good company.”

“I wanted to surprise you,” he said. “Of course, I was halfway here when I realized I was going to get here way before you got home.” He scratched at the back of his ball cap. “Your neighbor was worried about me. She brought me some iced tea so I wouldn’t get too hot.” 

I looked next door and saw Mrs. Gutiérrez peeking out her front window. I waved at her and she gave me a thumbs up. “I need to get you a key,” I said without thinking. Even though we spent the weekend at each other’s homes, we hadn’t exchanged keys yet. It was the next step in our relationship and here I’d jumped into it without discussing it with him.

He smiled. “That would be nice,” he said softly. “We can get a copy of my keys for you while we’re at it.”

I felt my face flush. We’d been dating for almost three months at that point, and I knew he was in it for the long haul, but I still felt a little giddy every time we took a step toward more intimacy, more permanency. And those three little words still loomed unsaid.

“Let’s get inside,” I said. I fumbled with my keys and dropped them. As soon as I started to bend down to pick them up, I knew I’d made a mistake. “Ugh,” I groaned. “Can … can you get those for me?”

He reached down and swept the keys up, his free hand going immediately to my back. He rubbed it as he put the key in the lock. “You really did a number on your back, didn’t you, babe?,” he said, frowning. 

“Yeah,” I admitted. He took my bag from me and ushered me carefully into the house. “Look, all I want to do is eat something, take a mega dose of ibuprofen, and collapse on the couch with my back massager. You don’t have to stay. It’s not like I’m going to be much fun.”

He looked at me as if I was an idiot. “First of all, I’m not driving all the way back to Hollywood just to turn around and drive back the day after tomorrow,” he said. He pushed me gently down onto the couch and sat beside me. “Second of all, I’m not leaving you alone if you’re in pain. And third of all, I’m here to see you, not have fun.”

I raised my eyebrow and he immediately shook his head. “That didn’t come out quite right, but you know what I mean,” he said, sliding his arm around my shoulder and playing with my hair. “Let me take care of you, okay?” He pressed a kiss against my cheek and I relented, laying my head on his shoulder. 

“Okay, but there’s not much you can do except keep me company,” I said.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he said. “I know about back pain, believe me.”

After making me promise not to move a muscle, he left me on the couch to flip through the channels looking for something to watch (I didn’t have all the streaming services he did, just basic cable, which drove him nuts) while he heated up some leftover pasta I had in my fridge. We ate on the couch, watching reruns of “M*A*S*H”. 

When we were finished, I tried to help him take the dirty plates into the kitchen but my back had stiffened up enough that I only got about two inches off the couch before I froze. “Oh, oh, ouch, ouch,” I whimpered. Dieter pushed me gently back down.

“I got it,” he said, kissing me on the forehead. He took the dishes into the kitchen and detoured to the bathroom to fetch the bottle of ibuprofen. “I didn’t know it came in such big bottles,” he said when he came back. 

“Costco,” I said. “And if you were a woman, you’d buy the industrial size bottle, too.” I opened the top, shook out four pills and popped them in my mouth. “I live on this  stuff one week a month.”

“Okay, time to get you in the shower,” Dieter said. “Some hot water will loosen those muscles a bit.”

He helped me stand up and I headed — slowly — toward the bathroom. “Let me know if you need any help, okay?,” he said.

“I’m fine,” I said, brushing him off. “I’ve been taking showers for years.” 

I closed the door on him, and turned on the water to give it a chance to heat up before I got in. The moment I stepped into the shower and the hot water hit my back, I let out a little moan. Standing up hurt but the hot water felt incredibly good. I stood with my back to the showerhead, letting the water hit my lower back. I slowly bent forward, gently stretching the muscles as the heat loosened them up a bit.

I’d been in there for about fifteen minutes when there was a knock on the bathroom door. “How’re you doing in there?”

“I’m fine,” I called out. “Just enjoying the hot water.” The door opened and Dieter stepped in. “What are you doing?” My instinct was to cover myself but all I had handy was a washcloth, which wasn’t going to do much good.

“Oh, please,” he scoffed. “I just wanted to ask if you have any massage oils.”

“Um, no,” I said. We had the shower curtain between us, but it was fairly sheer and it felt very awkward, especially since Dieter was making no effort to avert his eyes.

“Hmm, okay, I’ll see what you have in the kitchen,” he said, turned around and left. I stayed in the shower a few more minutes, then turned the water off, got out, and wrapped myself in a towel.

The door opened again and Dieter whisked me into the bedroom. The bed was turned down and the new lamp on the nightstand was on its lowest setting. Relaxing music was playing on the speaker on my dresser. “Um, sweetie,” I said, “I told you I wasn’t up for much.”

He shook his head. “I know,” he said. “I’m going to give you a massage.” He gestured toward the bed. “Take off that towel and lay face down with your head on the pillows.”

“You just want to look at my ass,” I joked as I followed his directions.

He smacked me lightly on the butt.  “Behave yourself,” he said, climbing onto the bed behind me. He straddled my legs and started lightly prodding my back. “Where does it hurt? Here? Here?” Once he had a good idea of the extent of the affected area, he got up. “Okay, all I could find was olive oil, so if you smell like a salad when we’re done, I’m sorry.” I heard him pour some oil out and rub his hands together to warm it up. 

The bed dipped under his weight again as he resumed his position. His broad hands began to stroke up and down my lower back, his thumbs digging in now and then to work out the tension in the muscles. The oil let his hands glide over my skin and it felt absolutely delicious. “Oh, yeah,” I groaned. “That feels amazing.”

He chuckled. “I like to hear that,” he said. I felt his weight shift as he leaned forward to kiss my shoulder. Then he sat back and continued working on my sore muscles. Soon I was melting into the mattress and I barely noticed when Dieter climbed off the bed, pressing one last kiss to my shoulder. “Get some sleep, babe,” he said softly.

The next thing I knew, my alarm was going off the next morning. Dieter grunted beside me. “What the hell?”

I slapped the alarm clock to stop the annoying beep. “Go back to sleep,” I told him. “I need to get ready for work.” I started to crawl out of bed but he pulled me back. 

“Call in sick,” he said. “Stay with me.”

“I can’t,” I said, although I was very tempted. My back felt a lot better but it was still a bit stiff. “We have a shit ton of work to do and if I don’t go in, they won’t get a sub to cover for me.” I kissed his forehead and went into the bathroom to start getting ready for work.

Dieter was sound asleep by the time I came out, and I got dressed to the sound of his quiet snores. Before I left, I scribbled a note, which I left on the kitchen table beside my house keys.

“Thanks again for last night. I feel so much better! Leaving my keys so you can go out if you need to, lol. See you when I get home. XOXOXO”

I locked the door from the inside, pulled it shut and headed off for another long day at work.

**********************************

Work was better than the day before, partly because we’d finished most of the heavy lifting already, but mostly because I knew Dieter would be waiting for me at home when I got done. My co-workers made a few comments about what a good mood I seemed to be in, but I didn’t take the bait. It was enough to know he’d be there when I came home; I didn’t need to brag about it.

It felt weird to knock on my own front door when I got home. Dieter opened it a tiny crack. “What’s the password?,” he said, squinting warily at me. 

“Open the damn door,” I said.

“Correct,” he said, opening the door and letting me in. He led me to the couch, where there was a glass of wine waiting for me. As I sat down, he slipped my shoes off and pulled my feet into his lap, massaging them gently. 

“Oh, my,” I said. “What did I do to deserve this treatment?” 

He shrugged. “I just thought you’d probably had a rough day at work again, and I enjoyed taking care of you yesterday.” He dropped my feet and pulled me in for a kiss. “Besides, it was kind of nice playing house husband today.” He winked at me and got up from the couch.

“I changed the sheets on the bed, ran a few errands, and I’m actually cooking dinner,” he said. He came back with a set of keys in his hand. “Here are your house keys back,” he said, dangling them in front of me, “and I added a set to my place.” He dropped the keys into my hand. Two brand new keys were next to my slightly worn ones. I fingered them gently.

“I got copies of yours for me,” he said. “Hope you don’t mind, but you did say I needed them …”

“No, no, thank you,” I said. So it was official. We had full access to each other's homes. I felt a weird fluttery feeling in my stomach and I grabbed his hand, pulling in in to press a kiss to his palm. 

He dropped back onto the couch beside me, humming happily. He caressed my face before leaning in for a lingering kiss. “As much as I enjoy this,” he said when he came up for air, “I need to check on dinner.” He stood up and headed for the kitchen. I picked up my wine glass and followed him. This I had to see.

He was opening the oven to check on whatever was inside, and I caught a glimpse of a plastic tray. “Aha!” I said. “You bought that.”

“Well, yeah,” he said. “I said I was cooking dinner, not that I made dinner. There’s a semantic difference.” He poured himself a glass of wine and took a drink. “Now get out of the way, because I need to cut up some veggies for the salad.” He pulled several bags out of the fridge and plopped them on the counter. “Do you have a cutting board?”

I pointed at one of the lower cupboards and then stepped back, leaning against the end of the counter to watch. He found the cutting board, selected a knife from the wooden block on the counter and started to work. “Stop watching me,” he said after a few minutes. “I keep waiting for you to tell me what I’m doing wrong.”

“You’re not doing anything wrong,” I said. “I just enjoy seeing this domestic side of you.” He made a face and flipped me off. I shrugged. “You’re the one who said you liked playing house husband.”

He laughed. “Okay, I deserved that,” he admitted. “Now go sit down and wait for me to call you to the table.” He pointed at me with the knife.

I retired to the living room to finish my wine and flip through my mail (which Dieter had helpfully brought in and placed on the coffee table). Nothing of real interest except a 20% off coupon for Kohl’s and a catalog from Daedelus Books. I sat those aside and tossed the rest in my “stuff to be shredded” basket, which was starting to get a bit full. I made a mental note to work on that soon.

I settled back to thumb through the catalog as I sipped my wine and before I knew it, Dieter was in the doorway. “Dinner’s ready, honey!,” he said. He was wearing a stupid frilly apron I kept in a drawer; my aunt had given it to me one year for Christmas and I’d kept it to wear on the rare occasions when I baked.

“You look ridiculous,” I said, giggling. 

He spun around. “You like it? I found it in the drawer when I was looking for a pot holder to get the lasagna out of the oven with.” 

“It’s you,” I said. “But please, take it off, or I won’t be able to eat for laughing.”

He grumbled something about slaving away over a hot stove all day and not getting any respect as he untied the apron, balled it up and tossed it back into the kitchen. Then he pulled my chair out for me and we sat down to eat. Veggie lasagna; a huge salad full of cucumbers, radishes, grape tomatoes, and feta cheese; and a crusty loaf of Italian bread with herbed olive oil for dipping.

“This … this is amazing,” I said, looking around at the food, the wine, the fact that he’d actually gone through my mismatched cutlery drawer and made sure our knives and forks were all the same pattern.

He shrugged. “Like I said, I had fun today.” He pointed at me with his fork. “Just don’t expect this all the time, okay?”

After dinner, he put away the leftovers. “See, I planned ahead,” he told me. “This way we have dinner for tomorrow night all squared away.” He tapped his finger against the side of his head. When he came back out, he had a big bowl of mixed berries and a can of whipped cream.

“Is that dessert or do you have something weird planned for the bedroom?” I teased. 

“Both, if you’re lucky,” he said. He sat the bowl down, took the cap off the whipped cream and squirted a dollop on his finger, then dabbed it on the tip of my nose. He sat the can down in front of me and went back into the kitchen. He came back with two slices of pound cake on saucers. “And you thought I was being kinky,” he said, shaking his head. Then he leaned down and licked the melting whipped cream off my nose.

*****************************

The next morning, Dieter barely stirred when the alarm went off. I slipped out of bed, got dressed and headed off to work, leaving him another note on the table.

“Can’t wait to see what you have planned for tonight. XOXOXO”

Work dragged on and on, as Fridays were wont to do, and of course I got a last minute phone call that kept me a few minutes past quitting time. Finally, I was free for the weekend and hurried home, only to find Dieter’s car gone. Instantly, my heart sank and I chided myself. If he’d had to leave, he would have texted or called me and I had no messages. He must have run to the store or something and just wasn’t back yet.

I went inside, flipped through the mail and poured myself a glass of wine. As I was leaving the kitchen, I heard a key in the lock and the door opened. “Hi, honey, I’m home!” Dieter called out in a cheesy sitcom voice.

“That was supposed to be my line,” I said. 

He had a bag in his hand, which he dropped on the coffee table. “I had to drive further than I thought I would,” he said. He opened the bag and pulled out a bottle. “Actual massage oil,” he said. “So you won’t smell like a salad this time.”

“This time?”

He grinned. “You wanted to know what I had planned for tonight,” he said. “I thought you might like a full body massage.”

“Only if I can return the favor,” I said, taking the bottle from him. “Mmm, lavender and sweet almond oil. That sounds amazing.” I opened the cap and took a sniff. I felt myself relax instantly.

“I’ll give you a massage tonight and you can give me one tomorrow,” he said. “But only if I get a ‘happy ending’.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“You are disgusting,” I said. “But don’t worry, you will.” I handed the bottle back to him. “You’ve taken such good care of me, I’m going to spend the weekend taking care of you.” I took his face in my hands and kissed him greedily. I’d been waiting for this moment all day. 

“I’m glad you said that,” Dieter said when we came up for air. “Because I have an idea …”

***************************************************************

I was nervous. Dieter’s idea has sounded good but now that it was time for me to roll over onto my back I wasn’t so sure. Things had started out as a normal massage, just like the night before, but now it was time for the “happy ending” he’d envisioned. The rules were simple: the one being massaged had to simply lie back and enjoy; the one doing the massaging was only able to use their hands (and mouth) to pleasure the other. This meant that I would be completely exposed to Dieter’s view, something that I had mostly avoided so far.

I wasn’t exactly ashamed of my body, but I was self conscious about it. I was an average middle aged woman. Things sagged and bulged after decades of dealing with gravity, I knew that. But Dieter worked in Hollywood. He was surrounded by perfect bodies all the time. 

“Can we turn off the lights?” I suggested when Dieter prodded me to flip over.

”Of course not,” he said. “I have to see what I’m doing.” He flopped down next to me. “I want to see what I’m doing,” he added quietly. He brushed a lock of hair away from my face. “I think you’re beautiful.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re just saying that because you’re horny.”

”First of all, even if I am horny, I’m not getting any tonight because of the rules of the game,” he said. “So let me enjoy what I can. And second of all, looking at you is enjoyable. Thinking about you is enjoyable. Touching you is enjoyable.” He smiled a crooked smile. “Watching you cry out my name is enjoyable. And third of all …” He kissed me deeply. When I was discombobulated enough, he flipped me over onto my back. “That’s better,” he said. Then he proceeded to play the game exceedingly well.

So well that we both won. Three times.

[sourskywalker]

Mrs Darth Vader - Part 6; Rings and the engagement announcement

Relationship: Darth Vader x Fem!Reader

Series Summary: Newly appointed Emperor Vader, has been hassled about getting married and producing an heir. Whilst having a meeting with Admiral Piett he meets his second in command's daughter, Y/n.

Series Warnings: Age difference, forced marriage, eating disorders, postpartum depression, suicide attempt, toxic relationship, smut, angst, pregnancy, darth vader is not only a massive creep but also an asshole, referenced suicide

Chapter Warning: N/A

Chapter Summary: Y/n and Vader publicly announce their engagement

Word Count: 1.5k

(GIF in no way correlates with the readers skin tone)

It was about 7:30 in the evening when Vader asked for your presence in his apartments.

“As you are aware” He starts, hands clasped in front of himself as he speaks “That tomorrow we will be officially announcing our engagement. And, since we never got around to picking out an engagement ring for you, I decided to have one designed” He gestures towards the jeweller who steps forward, holding a velvet crushed box in his hands. Vader gently pries the lid off and places it onto the table beside him

“Oh my!” You exclaim, rushing to get a closer look at the ring “It’s gorgeous” You breathe “May I put it on?”

“Of course, it is yours to wear anyway” Vader replies, but the look in your eyes and your outstretched hand makes him realise what you meant “Ah” He pulls the ring out with his thumb and forefinger and slowly slips it onto your finger “Fits perfectly” His blank mask stares towards you and you half hope that he’s smiling at you

“If I may” The Jeweller stands to the side of you and Vader, the box once in his hands now placed beside the lid on the table “The band is 24 carat gold and that beautiful gem right there” He points to the beautiful ombre stone right at the centre of the ring “Is an alexandrite…A-and of course we have 10 carat diamonds around the alexandrite” You nod along to what the Jeweller was saying, though your focus was mainly towards the beautiful ring that had been placed on by your soon to be husband

“Thank you so much, Vader” Your smile broadens as you look up towards him “You truly have an eye for making beautiful things”

“Only for you, my love” Your cheeks heated up at the new, but not unwelcome nickname “My first wife never got to wear an engagement ring or wedding ring” He says, and you quickly feel your smile drop to a neutral expression

Here we go again with the first wife shtick. You will yourself not to roll your eyes at the mention of the deceased wife of your fiancé. It was just getting ridiculous at this point.

“This is something I never got to experience with her, but now I have the chance to try again, with you” You didn’t know how to feel about the comment, instead opting to nod in response

“It’s getting late” You finally say “So I should probably get some rest”

“Of course…Good night, my love” Vader’s gloved hand clutched onto your smaller one and brings it up to his mouthguard, letting it hover there for a moment before letting go, his hands moving to clasp behind his back

~~~~

Standing on the outskirts of the gardens, you chewed on the bottom of your lip as you nervously eyed workers adjusting the Cam Droids. Although it was a silk white dress, you could still feel the fabric of silk sticking to the sweat patches that had accumulated under your armpits, though the cape of light pinks and yellows most definitely didn’t help in cooling you down. You quickly turned to face the glass door when you heard them creak open, Vader’s gold-lined cape with a regal red that you only just noticed colouring the inside, billowed dramatically behind him as he walks towards you “Good morning” He tips his mask towards you and you follow his movements, instead dipping into a low curtsey “I see you are wearing the dress I brought you... Do you like it?”

“Very much, Vader.” A nervous smile spreads across your face and you feel the warm trickle of sweat dripping down your forehead

“No need to be worried, my love” He says, pulling a handkerchief from the hands of one of his servants and gently dabbing it across your face, being careful so as not to smudge your lightly applied makeup “You’ll do fine” His words of comfort eased you ever so slightly. Though, only moments later did the uneasiness arise once again, when one of the butlers scurried forwards to inform Vader that the photographers would be coming in momentarily “My love?” His hand tangles itself with yours and he gently tugs you towards the fountain right in the centre of the garden

And sure enough, the photographers all barreled through the doors and took their places, cameras at the ready whilst Vader took his place behind you, his hand clasping your shoulder as you gently leaned against his chestplate, an innocent smile gracing your lips as you looked directly into the camera

“Miss!” The photographers called “Show us the ring” You obliged happily, extending your hand out to show off the beautiful ring which adorned your finger, Vader's hand stretched forwards as well his hand dipping under yours to hold your hand

“Where did the Emperor propose?” One asked excitedly

You looked up to Vader before responding with; “In the palace gardens, it was all quite beautiful”

“And how did you two get acquainted with each other?” Another asked

Vader opted to take over the question, answering cooly; “Her father works for me, I met her when I went to visit their home a few months ago, it was love at first sight for me, though I’m not sure what she thought at first”

The cameras continued to go off as you and Vader stood in silence, occasionally answering a reporter's question. Though, soon enough, the reporters were shooed away by the guards, except for a young reporter working for the Empire Broadcasting Corporation.

“Good morning, your majesty and Miss Piett” The reporter bowed respectfully before returning to their full height

“Please, let's have a seat” Vader gestured towards the garden table and chairs just a few feet away from the fountain “I’m sure a few butlers will come out with some tea and other treats”

Your grip on Vader’s hand tightened as you followed him and the reporter towards the chairs. A wave of confusion crashed against you, your brows furrowing when you realised the happiness you felt whilst standing in front of the cameras had disappeared so suddenly “...Iett, Miss Piett, are you alright?” The reporter asked, extending a serviette towards you

“Huh? Oh yes I’m perfectly fine, what was it you asked me?” You shook your head gently, offering the reporter an encouraging smile

“I was asking how you’ve been dealing with everything since your engagement?”

“Oh- I see..Well, to be honest, I’ve just been taking it one step at a time. Granted, there have been tough times, but he-” You place a hand on Vader's arm and give it a gentle squeeze “Has made it all worth it”

“And uhm, may we see the ring once more?” They ask

“Of course!” You grin, stretching your arm forward to give them a proper look “The gem right there in the middle is alexandrite and there are diamonds surrounding it” You explain, recalling what the jeweller told you just a few hours prior

“Do you both have an idea of when the ceremony will be held?” The reporter asked, jotting down a few notes onto their notepad

“The date hasn’t properly set but we were thinking perhaps sometime in the spring” You nodded along, you had to force your smile

Since when did you even discuss when the wedding would be…? And why so soon?

“And, your majesty, if you don’t mind me asking, where do you plan to have the honeymoon?”

“My fiancée and I haven’t discussed it yet, but the one place that comes to mind is Varykino on Naboo that has a beautiful villa out on the lake...The view is almost as beautiful as the one sitting next to me” You feel your cheeks warm up at the compliment “What do you think, my love?”

“I think it sounds like a lovely idea” Your gaze landing on his for a few moments before returning back to face the camera

The interview continued for another few minutes, before the reporter bid their farewell, quickly packing up their equipment and leaving in a haste through the same clear glass doors that Vader came through over an hour ago. The hand that had been holding onto Vader's arm dropped back to its side as he stood up and left without another word. You shrugged your shoulders before standing up and wordlessly walking back inside

~~~~

A sigh of relief escaped your lips as you eased your back against the small cracked porcelain bathtub- well, compared to the bathtub from your old home, this was much smaller. The small wisps of hair that had fallen from your hastily tied up-do had stuck to the tub, your head leaning against the rim as you once again- for the upteenth time that day- raised your hand and admired the engagement ring that had been placed onto your finger a little less than twenty-four hours ago. The moonlight hit the diamonds and alexandrite just right, making it practically glow. A small smile formed on your lips as you dipped your head under the water.

END OF CHAPTER

[radioactiveswampmonsters]

So I started HRT

I can't believe that's a sentence I get to type?? Going on T always felt like a crazy distant thing to me that I would never get or would be in the distant future (but the distant future was like always still further off forever, there was no getting closer to when the future would be).

Anyway, for my own sake, I think I wanna do like.. a little diary thing? Just something to look back on in the future, see all the progress and everything.

So this really started last Monday. I had a dream that I was going to Planned Parenthood to start HRT, but I got turned away cause they weren't doing that anymore. They gave me places that still were, but I felt embarrassed and discouraged and I didn't take it, and when I woke up, I was... a lot more upset about all that than I think I reasonably should have been. I've had dreams before of like medically transitioning, or like going to appointments and stuff like that so idk why this was different, but it was I guess! Different enough that that, plus I guess a combination of it was already a busy day and I was mad at work, I very spur of the moment just made an appointment to go that Thursday. And finally do it.

Zab was the first person I told like immediately after I booked it and got the confirmation that it was booked, cause of course I had to and their reaction was wonderful, they're my rock honestly through so many things and I'm grateful for them always.

Laz, I told that night and their reaction was also just... I don't think I'll ever forget it, I love them very much and that moment is something I think I'm gonna hold in my heart forever.

I can't stop thinking of Zab telling me repeatedly that they're proud of me, and Laz repeatedly saying finally!!

I love my friends so much.

I think part of what makes this so surreal and strange is like... this was so easy? Like there was no special occasion anything with it, this is just. It's Thursday. It's just a normal Thursday! Like it's not now, February 8th is huge now, but like wow what the fuck. Like I waited til my birthday last year to get my ears pierced cause that was like An Occasion, and something special to do, but this like... it's not revolving around anything! I could just go on my phone and make an appointment with planned parenthood immediately and i did!! It's just another Thursday!! idk something something making special or beauty in the mundane idk I have an appointment thursday that's gonna change my life and it's just another thursday

I keep having butterflies in my stomach throughout the week. Like I'll being going about my day, then I remember, or I get an appointment reminder (by the time it got to thursday there were three and it made me smile so big every time), and I get butterflies and it feels all so surreal again. I think part of me expects that I'll get there and it won't be real? Or they'll maybe turn me away?? I know they won't but I dunno. I've also always been like this though, I've moved so much, and everything is normal and business and usual and then I move and it's still fine and I'm going through the motions then it's not til like I'm THERE that it's like oh fuck I live somewhere else entirely else now. I moved three years ago, and still there's times when I go into my apartment and i'm hit with like a moment of Awareness i guess and I'm suddenly like holy shit I live here. I'm fully responsible for myself and this place, this is My Home. I don't live with my parents anymore, this is me. I make Decisions. So y'know. It's fine

I got asked to take an extra shift at work, thursday is normally the start of my weekend, and I said no I have a doctor's appointment (and that was so fun to say for once and remember hehehe this is happening and it's TOMORROW) and anyway I eventually relented to taking a morning shift - I stressed so many times i had to be out by 11. I know eventually I'll have to tell them what's going on cause like the changes will be Perceived, but also for now I'm enjoying the little secret inside joke with myself

IT'S THURSDAY. IT'S TODAY. It's also an ungodly time, 5 fucking am, it was a mistake to take an extra morning shift. Money good, but I am so very tired and evil. At least it was quiet/normal amounts of busy. And I got out before the lunch rush so I'll take it. There's still so much day ahead of me, it's only 11 am, i have 3 hours til my appointment and I'm Being Very Normal. I also have new glasses now that I think make look kinda like a cartoon character, but it's fun

I'm the most colorfully dressed person here at the planned parenthood. I planned my outfit out so much cause it's like the whole meme of wearing a suit to whatever, except it's my favorite rainbow overalls and I feel like I;m a bit a parody of myself, but also like... idk man it feels right. It's also warm enough I can finally wear flip flops so wins all around

my nurse tech had meow wolf pins on her lanyard which was awesome, im taking this as another sign - one was even the one i had from going to the real unreal opening. they had to stick me twice to draw my blood cause my left arm wouldn't cooperate, but needles i guess just dont bother me as much as they used to which is something im actually really grateful for! idk when that changed or how or why, but im glad i can at least get stuck without having like a full panic or meltdown anymore! ^^^ that's gonna be real helpful, being chill about needles, since I have A REAL PRESCRIPTION NOW HOLY FUCK

i was giving zab updates the whole time and they asked me when my injection appointment was (again i love zab so much, they've been cheering me on this whole time, like that's not a SHOCK, but still oh my god idk what i did to deserve them), and I said i dont think i have one?? my appointment was actually pretty fast and easy - it was a lot of disclaimers and new patient info stuff, but yeah like they just gave me my prescription and a guide on how to inject yourself and said yeah you can go as soon as you pick it up, go at it! and zab described that was ah they're just letting you rawdog that and i thought that was really funny lmao

something about seeing an actual doctor note that says ON PAPER (or app, but whatever it's all doctor's notes) that i have dysphoria is weirdly huge for me?? i dunno why that warmed me, but that had me feeling a way like this isn't just me, this is Real also screaming singing the trans lyrics in mama from mcr after your first hrt appointment is a fun experience 10/10 recommend lol

MY PRESCRIPTION IS READY!!! the place said it wouldn't be til friday after 4, BUT NO! IT'S A WHOLE FOUR HOURS EARLY I HAVE TESTOSTERONE!!!!!!

Fae also now knows cause we were supposed to do our taxes together (like tradition) and I was already late to our video call cause I was picking up MY PRESCRIPTIOOOOON and i didn't wanna keep them waiting anymore so i said fuck it you wanna know a secret? im on t, im doing my t shot now. let's go brother, you and me. (their reaction was also wonderful, i love them very much) the t shot itself was actually fine??? zab had said it wasn't too bad actually, but i was still kinda anxious and worried, but they were right it didn't actually even hurt. i did fuck it up a little tho lmaoooo (jumping to the end, some of it?? came out of it when i pulled the needle out?? so oops on that) but the biggest fuck up was i got the fucking 22 gauge fucking needle stuck on the syringe when i was drawing it into the syringe 🙃🙃i freaked out cause i couldn't get it off, fae was trying to help by looking up what to do, and anyway that's how i also came out that i started hrt to all my local in town friends cause i said hey i fucked up can someone who is strong get it off for me or at least lend me some pliers???? (the good news was a bit after that i did also get it off myself, and the smaller needle came off easy too so it's FINE i think i know what i did wrong, but oh my god this was a roller coaster for baby's first shot oh my GOD)

APPARENTLY I ALSO ACCIDENTALLY CAME OUT TO ZEYDA TOO CAUSE I FORGOT ZEYDA WAS ALSO IN GRIMM'S CHAT FUCK ME it;s...... fine.... i had plans to do it personally over call, zeyda is very cool and kind, but i feel kinda bad now

it is saturday and i feel like i've been hit with a truck. that ?? was a great night of sleep, like i don't sleep well in general, but i slept super great last night, but OH MAN.... do i feel soooo fucking tired and foggy headed. like i feel floaty...? but also weirdly like i have energy in my joints. my joints are jelly and i could walk, but im also so sleepy and cant focus or think like at all? i tried playing some sims, but even that i couldn't do for super long, i am mush

i told my parents about this as well, and that's maybe been the only disappointment so far. their reaction wasn't BAD, but idk i guess i was expecting more? it's fine, my mom and i talked after so like it's genuinely not a problem, but yeah i dunno. just wanted more initial excitement from them too i guess. i had dinner with friends, food helped a little with the whole no energy thing oops of course, but in general it was just nice seeing them

i just keep feeling so heavy and tired. and like i have a headache? but it doesn't like, hurt, it's just like. pressure. like i have a head and i sure can feel it. i know this is normal, im not worried, but it sure is here! im not upset about it tho, it's like oh wow it's tired forever cause im hormones now!!! wow!!! ahhhhh!!!!

it's monday and i feel like i have brain again lol im still tired, but i feel a bit more leveled at least, somewhat more normal. Something I've noticed is my knee isn't having as many problems??? like i can stand and walk and im having less pain in it which is pretty cool

i told the rest of my friends now, and im glad for it, i dont wanna keep dancing around this, i like sharing and wanna yell about all of this! especially with them, i love them all so dearly after i told everyone (after break for waystation, shout out to waystation my beloved) diego told me to watch out for gundams. he basically said boys be shopping and gundams are a siren call for all men so beware. I feel like I'm on cloud 9

tuesday! four days after my first shot. something i've noticed is, at least so far, i've been less angry? work, particularly when it gets busy like it always does, i used to always be quick to getting so annoyed and mad cause i was just so overwhelmed with how busy it was. and like monday, it actually wasn't as busy a day. today it was normal levels of work and everything, and like sure i was still getting annoyed, especially cause like always i just take more calls than others and i KNOW i do, but like... it didn't feel as strong? i was still getting annoyed, but not getting so heated. it felt duller, less heavy than usual. idk if that's just a symptom of having no energy in general or the t itself, but i hope this stays. not being so angry at work everyday would be really nice. i like feeling like i don't have to maybe prepare for having yet another breakdown at work and also some of the annoyance was on me - i started listening to the night circus audiobook today and shock and awe i got annoyed that work was interrupting my book when i was at work - but i mean, even when i was just sitting there, not listening to my book, getting back to back calls... like i handled it a lot better than i usually do. i know it's too early to tell, but seriously can't stress enough how much i hope this is a real actual change, just t leveling out my emotions and mood too please

[starkissedblade]

💸💸💸💸💸

this is me just talking abt money and random stuff veeerrryy boring but i bought a pair of shoes a couple months ago for $200 and i have only wore them once i just stare at them and think about my bad spending decisions and i know i will start wearing them soon because they’re the only platform shoes i have but they’re also the most expensive shoes ive ever worn & i just die a little inside i need to get over it tho but i also thought of getting new walking shoes since ive had these ones for 5 yrs now (tbh i think the 200$ shoes r the only ones ive bought 4 myself new like all my shoes which is like only my everyday walking shoes, a pair of docs from hs, & a pair of flip flops i dont have many shoes & all were bought for me by someone else like yrs ago) and my feet r starting to get sore wearing them everyday but i think i might just buy new soles instead like these shoes still have traction.. cuz i need to buy a hair dryer and diffuser cup thing soon because im tired of air drying my hair and i want to make my wavy/slightly curly hair look presentable on the regular and not just occasionally and i need to spend money on that instead!!! but also will i do that??? i just put it off lmao it will probably be months before i actually buy something for that why does everything cost moneyyyy i feel like every day im making bad money decisions but i haven’t been That bad like 9/10 i use the stuff that i buy all the way. im physically stopping myself rn from dropping 40 something on this thing that a lot of ppl say really actually helps their cystic acne which ive had constant problems w. but i cant just do that. its 40!!!! instead i need to buy travel liquid containers that are smaller than 3 oz online cuz they usually only have big ones at walmart and i don’t need them to be That big i never do anything beyond a carry on because checked baggage is Expensive and it stresses me out on top of the expensiveness Anyway u can only have like a sandwich baggy sized thing w liquids in a carry on which is sooo annoying 😒 anyway there’s like $100 worth of stuff this yr that ive got that ive actually Really regretted like at the end of the day the new shoes r worth it for me because i’ll wear them until they break. i get so stressed over not using more than a third of the alcohol based mouthwash i got in feb because it burnt my mouth too much i get stressed over the cerave gentle cleanser i got but then it’s not what i need liked i needed the salacylic acid one instead so now that one just stares at me in its largely unused glory like i worry tooooo much but it’s also kind of good worrying because it keeps me in check cuz it makes me quadruple check if i really need something… but i do usually keep my impulse spending to the thrift which is usually a good thing. i bought a cool hat a couple days ago for a couple bucks but my head is too big :(( i need to look for a place that’ll give it away for free im done w giving stuff to goodwill or other places i just want ppl to be able to get clothes w out paying for it i hope that theres something like that around here. anyway i need to buy a really small point pen tomorrow to do this art thing for Father’s Day cuz my smallest point pen went dry yrs ago and this is the first time im picking up doing something like this in yrs like it’s for Father’s Day tho so i feel like it’s justified. and then i’ll need to get T in the next month 🚬 which has been 140 recently cuz i my state doesn’t cover it in insurance. at least insurance covers blood draws and my doctor doesn’t charge for messaging online abt stuff, so. and at least medicaid in my state covers some dental because ihave that appointment next month. and then ill be paying close to $200 for a flight ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh at least its not more than that ig. at least cheap allegiant flights r a thing . im so lucky in so many ways financially because of my mom step dad being so nice to me basically buying a car 4 me at 18 and letting me live w them rent free etc like idk how i got here i am still not used to it really i feel like its gonna be

pulled out from underneath me soon or something

[fioreofthemarch]

Finding Her - Chapter 2

Link makes notes, takes photos and keeps time on his quest across Hyrule, in the hopes of finding Zelda and staying sane until does.     [ Previous | Next | First | AO3 ]

Log date 18:00. 5th month 17th day 104AC Location: Unknown, please upload SkyView data. Weather: Mild. Clouds clearing.

Can’t stop flexing my sword hand. Another thing gone — this time the Master Sword. There was a shining light, just outside the Temple of Time, and it seemed like the Sword wanted to go. So I let it go.

Still feel stripped bare without it, without them both. Am I a guy with a magic hand attached or a magic hand with a guy hanging off of it?

On solid ground now at least. Cooking up herbed chicken and mushroom stew in these village ruins I found. With some wheat, could have made pie, then maybe some honey apples, and roasted tree nuts—

Getting distracted. Just glad to be home. Zelda’s voice called out from that research camp that Dr. Purah set up. Lookout something? Heading over at first light tomorrow. Sleep, search, eat, repeat.

A photograph from below of Great Sky Island, hovering high in the distance.

Caption: Please don’t fall

---

Log date: 05:00. 5th month, 20th day 104AC Location: Lookout Landing Emergency Shelter Weather: Cool. Sunny weather forecast.

Where to start. Didn’t even have time to do one of these yesterday or the day before. Got back to this bed and passed out. It’s still early, someone is snoring in the bed just over from this one. (Atmus? He mumbles about his son in his sleep). Got time to write before sun up.

In summary: No one here has seen Zelda. Except, some of us did. At the Castle. Hylia help us — the Castle. It’s not looking good. Zelda’s gonna be so mad, she spent ages planning the refurbishments for it.

But she was there. Just for a second. Near the First Gatehouse. Went there with Hoz — good guy, loud voice. Zelda was standing on those floating rocks up above and then she just… I don’t know. The way the stars go out just before sun up, twinkling and shining and then, nothing.

Didn’t she see us? (see me…?)

Anyway. We came back here, rested, rice balls for dinner, and the next morning they … launched me into the sky. Can’t sum it up any other way. (Dr. Purah scares me a little) But, got my paraglider back. Now a new generation of Sheikah SkyView Towers peppers the landscape, waiting to send a skydiving-certified Hylian high into the air.

Hero of Hyrule? Legendary Swordsman? Appointed Knight? Yeah, along with every other job you might need.

Shouldn’t complain. It was fun. Josha asked me to check out one of the nearby Chasms with Robbie today. More fun? We’ll see.

Photograph taken of Central Hyrule from high in the air, a floating Zonai archipelago visible in the foreground.

Caption: Contact Link of Hateno Village for all your land survey needs

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Log date: 14:00. 5th month, 20th day 104AC Location: !! ERROR ERROR ERROR !! Weather: !! ERROR ERROR ERROR !!

A blurry, hastily taken photograph of a large statue located in the Depths underneath Hyrule, a gloom aerocuda advancing on the camera

Caption (applied via voice commands): no don’t open the camera i just need to get out of no no stop why does this thing even have voice commands open the map just open the damn

---

Log date: 20:00 5th month, 21st day 104AC Location: Lookout Landing, Research Lab Weather: Mild. Rain clearing

Zelda — did you know about the Depths? Because if not, you’re never gonna believe what’s down there. The caverns below the castle were just the start.

They’re calling all this the Upheaval. Seems about right. Everything has changed; a blizzard in Hebra, gloom over Eldin, mud in Lanayru and who knows what in Gerudo. Monsters and Yiga and Chasms all over the place.

There are so many people here at Lookout Landing ready to fight and do their part. Now it’s my turn.

Do you remember what you said, after we defeated Ganon? Went something like — the old Hyrule may be lost, but it’s the people of today that will rebuild, and I look forward to meeting them all.

Well they’re here, Zelda. So where are you? We need you. I…

Anyway. Starting with Hebra. See you there?

A photograph of a soft brown mare, saddled and ready for travel. Link is sitting in the saddle, smiling at the camera. The immediate next photo is a self-portrait taken by a Hylian Guard, Scorpis, the camera too-close to his face as he tries to snap a picture of himself and Link, who is waving to the camera from his horse.

Caption: Setting off. Hope to be back soon.