#having enjoyed a plethora of other ships in the past i am still so amazed by the pull they had on me since day one.

[antari]

zosan... zosan is so good for my health. Two equally powerful guys in the middle of the sea. THEY ARE EQUALLY STRONG AND EQUALLY GOOD PEOPLE!!!!!! they're kind hearted and care for their crew's safety more than anything. THE WINGS OF THE FUTURE PIRATE KING.

And like... I like the enemies trope just as much as the next person but my god if their rivalry isn't a 100 times more wholesome than if they simply just Hated each other's guts and called it a day + sanji's fucked up past and over +1000ch worth of canon story fills the angsty quota more than enough, allowing creators to come up with the craziest yet in-character fan content you could ever imagine

[jandjsalmon]

2024 FRC - March🍀

This one is a scheduled posted because as we speak, I will be living it up on my vacation to Venice and Croatia - but I'll screenshot my word count first thing on April 01 - so that it'll be up to date. If you're following me on SM - I apologize in advance for the plethora of pictures I'll be inundating you with soon. 😉

In other non-vacationy news, as in past years, my daughter and her amazing basketball team defended their title as Provincial Champions and successfully won Back-To-Back Championships. If you were here last year, you'd remember that this was the first time in school history and so doing it again was even more momentous. I chose a close-up this year. Kinda bittersweet that she's played her last game - but really happy with how this season turned out. 🏀

Okay - back to the fanfiction. Things in the @fanfic-reading-challenge are progressing nicely. If you’re looking for a fun way to get out of your comfort zone, you should come check it out. and for those of you who are new here - over the last couple of years, I’ve not only been participating in the fic challenge (which is still open for new members jsyk and the Discord is pretty neat) but I've been tracking all the fic I've read and reported back here once a month with some stats and some recs, and a little bit of boring stuff about my life. That’s what this post is.

Below the cut are my March stats and some fun fic recs. I’ve been tackling the challenge tasks and am nearly done the ‘extreme’ mode. I'll crack 6 million words on the airplane back home on Friday. 😉

March 2024

As for my recs for you! Try these - you might enjoy them. The pairings are all over the place - but if it is something you've never read before, let one of them be your first foray into the ship.🖤🖤

I actually stumbled upon this fic accidentally to pass off a task for the challenge but Folie à Deux by @cypresssunns (E 1/1) - is a super delightful Knives Out fic and I'm SO glad I read something new!. The pairing is Marta/Ransom and it is a "Marriage of Convenience/Ransom remains a sociopath but Marta kinda likes him like that" kinda fic. It was delightful and if you're into co-dependency and couples where no one is really a good person - this is the fic for you!

Of course I never go a month without recommending at least one Wenvier fic - and Pomegranate. by @theravenandtheartist (T - 1/1) was fantastic. Wednesday in particular felt perfectly in character. Xavier is adorkable. And honestly, I just have a unhealthy love for Hades and Persephone - so while this is NOT an AU, the mythology does play into the story and I loved how it was done. Great read!

And seriously, COME ON. racing the yellow lights is a Hallie/Society Assassins AU (M - 1/1) and it's fantastic. I've read it about a bajillion times and it is ALWAYS delightful. Of course the great @smc-27 writes one of the best Harrys in the whole fandom so it's completely unsurprising that this fic has me in a chokehold. If you like The Society - and you like Hallie and fun AUs - don't forget to review! 💛

Anyway - I have lots of tasks yet to complete - so if you have a fic that you’d like to recommend - let me know! I'll see you when I get home! 🖤

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Marasmus

Marasmus only has a handful of fics left at Gossamer, but you can find more X-Files fics at AO3 (as finisterre). Some of my favorites of her stories I've recced here before, including one of the most clever fics you could read, Cellphone (here at AO3), and the lovely, London-set A Candle for Katherine (here at AO3, bonus commentary at LJ). Big thanks to Marasmus for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Mine, yes, older XF in general, no — some of that stuff is amazing. Though I wonder how well fandom operates now there is not a plethora of rec sites. I know of yours and one more Tumblr blog and that’s it.  I find it really difficult to find good stories in any fandom unless someone whose taste maps to mine recommends something.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I look back on it fondly, but it was one of the first things that really hammered it home to me that every grouping throughout life follows the pattern of school.

A lot of people are really talented and funny and kind. Then there are absolute ego-rampaging nightmares who act like lady bountiful in public but do cruel things in private, or chuck their toys out of the pram at the least provocation.

And like school, fandom brings together a disparate group of people who you’re friendly with, but once you leave, the ones you stay in touch with are your friends.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Thank God.

I watched the show pre-widespread internet and mostly when I had almost no money. I didn’t have regular internet access until the third season, and that was only at my incredibly conservative workplace. I didn’t get home internet access until midway through season six. You couldn’t download episodes easily, you couldn’t stream, you just had to wait until it aired overseas. I decided I didn’t care if I was spoiled and that worked for me. In fact for some particularly annoying episodes, I was glad.

I was a newsgroup and mailing list sort of person. Never really did message boards unless a newsgroup counts, though I had a Haven account.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Mostly, how talented people are. I know some are now professional writers, but so many people who didn’t do it as anything but a hobby were also amazing.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I always liked science fiction, oddness and urban legends, so it was kind of made for me. But it was the relationship between Mulder and Scully that kept me around, and after season six, it was the fandom that kept me around. I loved Scully in particular, cos let’s be honest, Mulder can be kind of a twerp at times.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I hung out on alt.tv.xfiles.analysis (a newsgroup), which was one of the smartest boards I’ve ever been on. The threads were full of well-read, erudite people. That led to a site which collated reviews of XF episodes. They mentioned alt.tv.xfiles.creative, and I got there the summer after Gethsemane, which was pretty optimal timing.

I’d take floppy disks into conservative workplace and quietly download the most gloriously filthy fanfic onto them for reading at home on my ancient second-hand Mac.

After that I joined Scullyfic, a mailing list, which was a lovely place to hang out for a while, and got stories through a couple of other mailing lists.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Like my relationship to ice hockey: glad that activity exists and that some people enjoy it, but not watching and not involved myself.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Reading, yes, and writing the odd bit of feedback, but any other fandom involvement didn’t really take. I’ve never found a bunch of people I liked as well as I liked some of the people in XF.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I am usually more interested in female characters than male ones (the Doctor, Mulder and Jack O’Neill notwithstanding), which is why I only read a bit of m/m slash. I usually develop a perverse dislike for any woobie the fandom loves.  

Some favourites are: Samantha Carter and Jack O’Neill, Granny Weatherwax, Furiosa, everyone from The Good Place, Donna Noble, Sarah Jane Smith, Martha Jones and Yasmin Khan, Maia from The Goblin Emperor, Cordelia Naismith and Miles Vorkosigan, General Leia Organa, Rey and Finn, and lately all of The Old Guard, even Booker...

I like nerds, pining, best friends discovering feelings for each other, second chances, redemption narratives, people being sneaky for good ends and stoics who stay stoic through all kinds of misery, only to crack and start crying when they get a happy ending.

Basically, you know Eleanor at the end of the Emma Thompson Sense and Sensibility? That.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

No. I had about four years there where I made up stories about Mulder and Scully on any commute where I’d forgotten a book, but that’s gone now. I watched two episodes of the revival, but it wasn’t for me.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I occasionally wander in and read a bit on AO3, but nothing that deals with anything past season seven. Not interested in William, not interested in domestic fiction, not even interested in post-col any more, which was 100% my crack during XF fandom days. I did read By the Dim and Flaring Lamps [Lilydale note: by @sunflowerseedsandscience] earlier this year. Love a bit of AU historical.

I read lots of different fandoms, though I am between intense enthusiasms at the moment, which always feels a bit odd.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Yes, but they’re all about 20 years old. Is there such a thing as fandom classics any more?  There used to be a litany of stories that ‘everyone should read’. I wonder how well they hold up now.

I think there are waves of writers who come into a fandom and then leave again: I think I was part of a second wave, with the first wave being Mustang Sally, RivkaT, Karen Rasch, Lydia Bower, Nascent etc.

Then there must’ve been a third wave for the revival (and mini-waves in between). I don’t know that group of writers, so I am probably leaving out people who are really good.

One of my favourite Scully voices is Five Years and One Night [Lilydale note: by Shalimar], because of the contrast between her inner monologue as written and how little she actually says.

I really like quieter, thoughtful authors like Michelle Kiefer, Cecily Sasserbaum, Scullysfan, Cofax, Anjou, Maria Nicole, Kipler.  Love everything Kel ever wrote.

At one point there were also about three authors called Rachel who were knockout. I like to think Rachel Howard is writing professionally because it’s a waste of talent if she’s not. Rachel Anton had a crazy gift for pacing and wrote a good Krycek.

I really liked Branwell’s strange AU novels, which riff off The Field Where I Died (a wretched episode but so much good writing came from it.) [Lilydale note: Condemned to Repeat It by Branwell is a really long story involving The Field Where I Died.]

Everyone who is reccing other people’s stuff here is also a good writer. (and their taste in recs is — mostly — excellent): http://www.thebasementoffice.com/museaxfnet/museans/TitlesAF.html

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I like The Flexible Concept of Tomorrow. I loved trying to work out the timelines. I like the one about airships and cross-dressing which only exists on my iPhone and in my imagination right now.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Only an AU, if ever. I am completely at sea with canon.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

In my head. Mostly AUs. Everyone has daemons! It’s an airship! They’re exploring space! It’s mediaeval Slovenia!

Most of my creativity is sucked away by work. Which is good I suppose, as writing fanfic never paid my Netflix subscription.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Reading long-form journalism and non-fiction books.  

What's the story behind your pen name?

Well, I changed mine. The first one was picked out of a magazine article about Branwell Bronte, and I liked the shape of the word. Then I got to feel uncomfortable with it because it was a real illness that made people suffer. The current one comes from the shipping forecast when I was a kid.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

No, and also absolutely not. Over my dead body. Over YOUR dead body.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I took my stories off Gossamer but I don’t remember why. They’re on AO3 now and there are probably stray copies on some archives out there.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I have made all of these mistakes. All of ‘em.

— On no account offer unsolicited concrit. In fact, do not provide concrit EVEN IF THE PERSON ASKS FOR IT, unless you know them reasonably well and it’s in private.

— Avoid the wank. If you have the perfect riposte to something awful, write it and file it to drafts for two days. If you still want to send it after that, godspeed.

— Write anything you want, and when you start keep going. You can edit later.

— Never put any story into the public sphere unless you’ve had a second pair of eyes on it, preferably the eyes of someone who is willing to say “are you SURE about that?”

Finally, just have fun. Being in the grip of love of story is a wonderful thing, and you never know how long it will last.

(Posted by Lilydale on September 29, 2020)

[p-and-p-admin]

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.  (sharing here Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello Ciule and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you for sitting down with us for a chat.

SS/HG readers might be familiar with your stories “Awkward” and “Headmaster’s Wife”. 

Okay, let’s jump right in. What's the story behind your pen name? Well, I sort of took one of my real names, swirled the letters around in the air with my imaginary wand, and I ended up with this. Can’t begin to imagine where I got the idea from... ;-) Later on, I realized that Ciule is actually a name in Romania. I had no idea, but there are people out there carrying this name for real. I guess I’m #sorrynotsorry?   Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most? To be quite frank: No one, really. This is more about the characters I like, than truly identifying with them. I can relate to parts of some of them, but not the whole package. Primarily, I write about Hermione, Voldemort and Severus, and the one common thread between those three is the search for knowledge. That’s a trait I can identify with, but I’m neither an evil bastard, a grumpy protector nor a fretting, intelligent activist. I am, however, a swot. If you had asked who I’d want to be, the answer is clear. I want to be Albus Dumbledore. Though I can’t agree with the things he did, I feel absolutely certain that he’s the one who has the most fun during the books. I want to have that twinkling fun in face of absolute chaos.   Do you have a favourite genre to read (not in fic, just in general)? Fantasy! Definitely fantasy. While growing up, I read ‘everything’ in every genre, and in my twenties, I decided I’d spend my time reading what I loved the most. So, fantasy it is. Do you have a favourite "classic" novel? You landed me in an existential crisis right there. I mean, there’s so many to choose from! ‘Wuthering Heights’, I think. It hurts so good. Or maybe ‘Rebecca’, at least, I loved that when I was younger. Or the fairly obscure ‘Lorna Doone.’ When I was a kid, I wanted to be a film director, shooting Lorna Doone into an epic film. Oh well, there might be a theme in this selection of books which reflects in my writing… At what age did you start writing? The creative process has gone on since forever. I’ve told myself thousands of stories in my head, but rarely written anything down. At the age of ten, I had a co-writing project with one of my friends. We created this secret room in her basement, and painstakingly wrote a ‘novel’. It was fun, though the writing ended as it became too cold down in the basement during winter. How did you get into writing fanfiction? In 2009, I became completely obsessed with a TV-show in the last episode. I was watching the entire series, casually enjoying the murder mystery, and in the last episode, the villain said: “I can do the math,” and I was literally gone. That obsession sparked writing my first fanfic stories. Those stories are still on FFnet, but they aren’t any good. *shrugs* What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works? Compromise. The world isn’t a perfect place, and will never be. You can, however, make it more to your liking. It may not be perfect, but if you play the cards you are dealt, you might improve something. In Robert Jordan’s “the Wheel of Time”-series, one of the characters goes through a test in a parallel universe of sorts, and she thinks: “The world was not what she wanted, not anywhere near it.” I loved that: trying your best to make things as you want them to be in the face of dangers and difficulties.   And then there’s time travel! I love messing with time, and there are so many great Time-travelling fics. Plus, I have to say I have a certain love for the villains...   What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter? Currently, I’m not writing for any other fandoms. I read Star Wars, GoT, POTO and LOTR, and in the past I read Smallville. Though it’s more of a type of ship for me, because I only read Reylo, SanSan, Erik/ Christine, Lex/Lana and ….drum roll… the extremely small and quite oddball ship of Eowyn/ Grìma Wormtongue. If you’ve never tried the last one, go search for the fantastic stories by auri_mynonys. If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon? One change: duh, that’s easy, isn’t it? Severus lives. Or, maybe Dumbledore acting more rational, not keeping so many secrets. Maybe telling McGonagall that Severus is on the Order’s side… (Interviewer is laughing - ”NOT so easy”) I do write Voldemort wins AUs, but I wouldn’t want canon Voldemort to win. I prefer him to be more sane than in canon. My absolute favourite piece of fanon has to be the Black library. I thought it was canon, but it’s not. This is a thing that really, really should exist in canon! Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet? I’m very much inspired by music, and sometimes I listen as I write, but not always. Some fics are heavily inspired by music, such as ‘Absence’ and the last epilogue to ‘The Manipulation of Time and Matter’. What are your favourite fanfictions of all time? Definitely ‘Two Steps from Hell,’ by the amazing Ssserpensssotia, but that’s a Volmione. This was such a wild ride, I felt like I was on the edge of my seat, holding my breath the entire time. Those twists and turns were so unpredictable and … Well, I’m in awe. The SS/HG fandom is so massive, there’s a plethora of great stories out there. The unfinished ‘Self-Slain Gods on Strange Altars’ is a wonderful story by scumblackentropy, and I love Slytherpoufs stories, especially the wip ‘Ghosts’, but also ‘Angels to Fly’. And then there’s the one that got away - it means, I can’t find it. In this story, Severus watches the thestrals, befriending one of them, I think, but they’re unpredictable and maybe even dangerous. He’s heartbroken, and knows how it all will go down, having bitterly accepted his role. It made me cry. And then there’s the works by Aurette, and lena1987, Subversa, Kittenshift… Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process? I need (strike that: want) to draft the entire story before I post, to have some idea on how it goes. That makes it easier to write, but if it’s a long story, I’m happy as long as I know the general direction. This year, I finished a story that was on an unintended hiatus for two years, and I think part of my problem on getting back into writing it up was a too vague idea for the ending.   What is your writing genre of choice? Uh. I don’t know? Basically, you could argue that I’m a porn writer, or at least it’s fuelled by sexual tension and angst. So, romance or drama, bordering on erotica might be correct. To be frank, I haven’t really thought about categories after I started posting on AO3. Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why? Hard to say. I might go with “the Manipulation of Time and Matter,” because I think it’s the best plot I’ve created. Besides, I managed to write Hermione having a relationship with both Severus and Voldemort in the same fic. My favourite “clean” SSHG would be the short story ‘Grimmauld’. Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it? In Grimmauld, the house became a character. That was unexpected, and not something I had planned from the beginning. So the lesson would be “don’t start posting until you know what’s going to happen.” Or else, this story might have turned out very much different. I had to throw in a little made-up lore on how you set blood wards on a house too to make it sentient. That proved to be a quite chilling piece of magic.   How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write? I love old houses. Exploring abandoned houses, going inside to see what remains of furniture, tapestries and everything is so exciting. (It can also be dangerous, but that’s another matter). Such houses makes me feel .. nostalgic, plus I get those nice little shivers down your spine that is a little like a horror story. So, I wanted to use Grimmauld as a setting to explore that in a fic, to really dig into the aching loneliness of a lost house. The story came very quickly to me, so I guess that helped me.   What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing? Big question there. Hmm, I think … it’s hard to say. I’m a reader, really, and I couldn’t easily pick apart any influences. Though I have to say that one of the things I enjoyed when reading ‘Two Steps From Hell’ was the attention to magic. I think it’s important to include spells, rituals and the use of magic in my fics, because that’s what sets it apart from a Muggle AU, for example. That’s an important part of the world-building.   Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction? My significant other knows. I didn’t tell him, but he found out for himself, probably by spying on me. When he told me, I almost couldn’t stop laughing, because he… erm, he said he had thought about reenacting a scene in my PWP ‘Twenty Points to Gryffindor’, where Severus shouts the title as he… well… you get the gist. If he had done that, I’d have had a heart attack. I would literally be dead. Instead, I laughed non stop for an hour.   How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"? Haha, so true. You spend all those hours in front of your laptop - and if I wasn't motivated by doing it for myself, I can’t even see how I’d force myself through all those hours. It’s fun, though. I do this because I love it.   How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media? Very important. I'm on the publishing sites (visible interaction is why I prefer AO3 instead of FFnet) and on Facebook, mainly. I love feedback (as all authors do), and when people form theories or make comments, I get an insight into my own writing. I know how it’s going to pan out, but the audience doesn’t, and how they perceive things might be different from how I think it is. At times, it influences how I go forward, mostly because I need to add things, to explain what’s going on. What is the best advice you've received about writing? Don’t post until you know the ending, and remember: the devil on your left shoulder will be at war with the angel on the right side. Listen to the angel telling you to wait a little longer, and not to the devil chanting: ‘Post, post, post!’ In the end, of course, you’ll give in to the devil, regretting it until you’re done. What do you do when you hit writer's block? Read. Read a lot. And read some more. Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing? Certainly. I’m a foodie. For example, everything that Voldemort eats is stuff I love. His food habits are primarily mine, and I love cooking.   Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser? It’s a short piece, maybe three or four chapters, with the title ‘Transference’. The point of departure from canon is during their time in the tent at DH. Hermione wakes up in a bed, in a room she doesn’t recognize, having no idea where she is, but she spots a large, moving picture on the drawer:  Feeling panic rising, she stared hard at the moving and smiling pictures, and her heart leapt into her throat, pulse hammering as she recognized herself in the largest picture. A slightly older Hermione, in a white wedding dress, kissing and laughing at someone who simply had to be a much younger Severus Snape. It had to be him: Long black hair, hooked nose, sallow skin - but then he looked so young, carefree and happy - expressions she had never seen on her dour Professor's face. Beside the picture, there were numerous cards, greetings and well-wishings for their wedding - the date an impossible 21 August 1982, and amongst the cards, the largest one stood out, the black ink showing an elegant handwriting: “Dear Hermione and Severus! Best wishes for your wedding, Lord Voldemort.” Any words of encouragement to other writers? Read and write, in that order. Don’t worry about trolls, because when you contribute something that you created, it makes you so much more than people spending their time just raining on anyone’s parade. You brought something new to the world, they’re just reacting to things. If someone accuses you of a self-insert, go ahead and lecture them on the intentional fallacy. I promise, you won’t regret looking it up. ;-)   And please, mind the normal physical limits when you’re writing smut. Unless you give the male a stamina potion or put him under the Imperius, it’s unlikely that his refractory period allows him to come five times in one hour. Realistic smut is so much more sexy, lol. Thanks again for speaking with us Ciule.

[desert-dyke]

Love Yourself Challenge

A challenge indeed! Jk, I think this challenge is really sweet and necessary for content creators and I’m honored to be tagged by @ljandersen

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc. ) and link them below  to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Good news is, I’ve been writing fic like a mofo starting late last year, so I have a plethora to choose from! (which doesn’t make my job easy, but hey I’m just excited to be included!) I put these in no particular order. Just five fics I really enjoyed working on and loved the end product I came up with.

1. Good Vibrations - “We Happy Few” (Reader/Victoria Byng) (NSFW) You forget to take your joy. Miss Byng makes sure you never forget again. 

This was my first stab at a reader fic ever. It’s not a type of fic I usually like to read, but I had a blast writing it and it opened up the potential for writing others like it in the future. I’m proud of it because I think while being erotic, I also followed the tone of the game fairly well.

2. I Was Lost Without You - “Mass Effect” (Shepard/Garrus) (NSFW) The night before the Normandy Crew is about to head into the Omega Relay. Garrus meets Shepard in her cabin for some long anticipated love making.--- This is the Love Scene we deserved, if only Bioware wasn't a coward This was the first fic I started writing when I decided to get back into writing fanfic. It rested in my drafts for a very long time, and I published a few others before I got around to finishing it. But by the end of it I am really proud of how it turned out. It’s very self indulgent with all the awkwardness of having sex with someone new for the first time, especially with a different species. Sweet feels and strong friendship. Weird alien biology. All the things that make Shakarian the desirable ship it is!

3. The Last Astronauts - “To Be Taught If Fortunate” (Ariadne/Elena) (Ariadne/Elena) (Elena/Jack) What could be their final mission comes to an end. Ariadne questions her decision. I wrote this nearly immediately after finishing reading the book. It is still the first and only fanfic written for this book, which I am somewhat proud of, though still hoping others will follow. This is probably the most selfish fic I’ve written. Not so much a fix it fic as it is I wanted more story after the book ended, so I wrote what I thought might happen.

4. Her Heart I Bathed in Poison - “Dishonored” (Billie Lurk/Delilah Copperspoon) (NSFW) Everything changed after the assassination of the Empress, particularly Daud. Now her mentor is fixated on the name "Delilah," Unsure if she will be his saving grace or a powerful enemy. Billie Lurk, his second in command, is tasked to discover who Delilah might be. The wonderful sleuth she is, Billie not only finds her, but gets to know her far more better than Daud intended her to.--This is essentially the Knife of Dunwall told from Billie's perspective, minus any redundant scenes. I just feel like there's a lot of story going on in the background that we never saw because the story followed Daud - particularly between Billie and Delilah This is the most ambitious fanfic I’ve written. I don’t often do multi-chapter works and this is an entire rewrite of the Knife of Dunwall (still a WIP too). I wrote it to answer the question on my mind of if Billie loved Daud so much, why did she betray him? And what were the underlying elements that lead to this betrayal? And I’m exceptionally proud of the answers I’ve come up with!

5. The Years Are Long But It’s Always Good to see a Familiar Face -” Dishonored” (Corvo Attano/Daud) (NSFW) The two times Corvo has encountered Daud (and both times ended in bed). A missing/extended/alternative scene following Corvo and Daud's duel in the Flooded District. And later, a fabricated scene, taking place fifteen years later, sometime before the start of Dishonored 2, where a lonely Corvo spots a familiar face in the bar. This was my first published fic, which is a milestone of it’s own. I wrote it because there is something really appealing to me about the ship of Corvo/Daud, yet I simultaneously full-heartedly believe it is not something that would be sustainable, and a healthy loving relationship. This is p much me reconciling my thoughts on the ship, and writing the knifecrow fic I longed to read.

I’m gonna tag @knivestothroats @gayngel6 (for ur art or cosplays) @tonal-modulator  @deepspaceobject (for ur arts) and anyone else who wants to try this! If you create something I implore you to give this prompt a try

[paladin-lynx]

Human SQUIPtober 2019, Day 10: Leaves

Human SQUIPtober 2019 Day 10: Leaves

Ships Involved: RiverWay (Two River SQUIP [River] x Broadway SQUIP [Ly])

Setting: AU where River and Ly somehow both became human after being SQUIPs for their respective Jeremys, and they now live together. They don’t quite understand how they can both exist, but it isn’t worth questioning it.

Trigger/Content Warnings: None

Author’s Notes: (I was almost on time with this one!) I’m back! Here’s a fluffier piece for this pair. Enjoy!

“Come on, Riv, you’re so slow! And you wonder why I call you an old man!”

River rolled his eyes, stuffing his hands into his pockets despite the fact that just a few years ago, he would’ve chided Jeremy for doing the same thing. Ly had convinced him that they should take advantage of the weather and take a stroll through the park. It was the middle of autumn, right at that perfect midway point between hot and cold where you needed a jacket, but nothing overly bulky or uncomfortable. River was wearing a light coat and scarf – the latter was more for the look than the practicality, sue him – while Ly ran ahead of him in a sweatshirt and beanie.

River absolutely loathed how adorable he looked.

Sometimes he found it unbelievable that they were, in a way, the same person, just different versions. People often mocked the theory of multiple universes where an entity could be one thing in one universe and the complete opposite in another. To be honest, River himself, with his constant overthinking and overanalyzing, would probably still be one of those people if it hadn’t been for the sudden appearance of the embodiment of the 3.0 Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor Patch at his doorstep, claiming to have been in the head of a completely different Jeremy Heere in a completely different Middleborough High.

“You specifically said you wanted to take a stroll, love,” River called after his companion, still keeping his leisurely pace. It was, in fact, a nice day and he was going to take the time to appreciate the fall scenery. This was one of his favorite times of year. Part of him wondered if it was because he’d been activated during this season, so it was one of the first things he got to experience through Jeremy’s eyes. The world was a ridiculous place, but it did have its nice aspects.

Ly finally slowed down so that River could catch up, turning to him with that stupid cheeky grin of his. “I can’t help getting excited. There’s so much to see and do out here, Riv. Stop being so dull.”

River blinked. That was right. This was Ly’s first autumn as a human, so of course he was going to be bouncing all over the place, just like he did with everything else he was experiencing for the first time as a human. River was half-convinced that the first time Ly had hooked up with someone – because of course he had done that, with his ‘cool party boy’ attitude – he’d probably finished early solely from how overwhelming all of the sensations were. River almost wanted to know so he could mock him for it, but at the same time, no thank you.

Even with the epiphany about Ly’s behavior, River still huffed. “You won’t be able to appreciate it if you’re just running past all of it.”

Ly sighed, readjusting his beanie. “I suppose you’re right. I’ll take it easy a bit.”

River couldn’t help a little smile, continuing along the path they were walking. “Come on, then.”

Ly walked beside him and gazed all around them. There was indeed a lot to take in. The trees had lost a lot of their leaves but weren’t completely bare yet. Brown, orange, and golden debris blazed against the green grass, and there was a slight nip in the breeze that whisked past that had River shrinking down into his coat for a brief moment, nuzzling his nose into his scarf. But just as quickly, the late afternoon sun melted away the chill.

It wasn’t as if Ly had been the only one with this idea. They weren’t alone at the park. There were plenty of people out. Families exploring the trails, people walking their dogs or letting them run free and frolic about, couples huddling together under the trees, and a plethora of others. River was pretty sure he spotted a group of teenagers decked out in costumes and armor rushing past at one point, weaving through the trees as they chased each other. He would bet they were LARPers. Judging by their outfits, from the glimpses he’d caught, it was some sort of fantasy adventure, like in Dungeons & Dragons.

Michael had once tried to get Jeremy to join one of his online D&D campaigns. Jeremy had refused because it was bad enough interacting with people he did know; he would be a mess with people he didn’t know and in a game that most of them had probably been playing for years that he had no idea about. Plus, that game involved math, and Jeremy despised math in all forms.

River furrowed his eyebrows at the thought, hurriedly shaking it away. He was here now. Jeremy and Michael were off living their best lives. Maybe Jeremy had joined the game after all. He’d like it. Christine would, too, at least the role-playing aspect.

River was having a difficult time pulling himself out of his own head, as he often did, but as always he was snapped back to reality by Ly’s voice: “Oh! Hello!”

He blinked and saw Ly kneeling down as a pair of dogs, tongues lolling from their mouths, bounded over to him. One was larger with curly golden fur while the other, which struggled a bit to keep up, was shorter and tubbier with darker brown fur, although River spotted some lighter markings on its belly. River guessed that the bigger one was a golden retriever and poodle mix – a goldendoodle, if he remembered currently – based on the wavy fur and the body shape. The smaller one took him a moment longer, unsure at first if it was a Boston terrier or a French bulldog, although he realized after a moment that it was too wide to be a Boston terrier.

Ly laughed as the goldendoodle eagerly lapped at his face and the bulldog jumped up to try and do the same. River watched from a safe few feet away, letting Ly have his moment, although after a moment the bulldog seemed to give up and decided to pick a new target, waddling over to River’s feet and giving him what almost looked like an open-mouthed smile.

River couldn’t help it as he chuckled and crouched down, offering the bulldog a few pats on the head, watching as it tried to lick his wrist. “Hello there, friend,” he greeted softly.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry!” River looked up to see a young woman, no older than twenty-five, jogging over to them with a bewildered look on her face. “They don’t normally run off like that, I guess they just got a bit too excited…” She leaned down to clip a leash to the goldendoodle’s collar, but Ly waved her away, grinning widely.

“It’s alright. We’re always happy to make a few new friends.” He peeked over at River. “Right, River?”

River, not wanting to be improper in front of a stranger, sighed softly, ruffling the bulldog’s ears as he gave the woman a polite smile. “It’s no trouble. I’m glad they stopped to see us instead of just booking it away from you.”

The woman laughed softly, and despite Ly’s insistence, she did clip the leashes onto the two dogs’ collars, just in case. “I know they would never hurt anyone, but you never know who might get scared, or annoyed.”

“Can I ask what their names are?” Ly questioned. River would never cease to be amazed at how quickly Ly could go from being a complete child to civil and well-mannered.

The woman smiled, pointing to the goldendoodle. “She’s Spaghetti”—she then pointed to the bulldog—“and he’s Meatball.”

Ly turned to River again, stars shimmering in his eyes as he grinned like an idiot. River wanted to tease him, but he felt his own heart melt at the woman’s words. He smiled softly down at Meatball, petting him again. “What cute names.”

“Thank you. I hate to pull them away from you, but I really do have to go…”

Ly leaned over to plant a little kiss on the top of Spaghetti’s head before getting to his feet. “Thank you for your time.”

She smiled and gave a little tug on the leashes, and the dogs trotted back over to her. They seemed well-trained, River thought to himself. He wondered what had caused them to just run away like they had. Were River and Ly that interesting? Or perhaps the two dogs had that strange sixth sense animals seemed to have and knew that something was off about them?

“Thank you for keeping them entertained.” The woman gave another smile and waved as she turned to lead the dogs away. “Have a nice day!”

“You too!” River and Ly called at the same time, exchanging a glance. Ly smirked and the moment was over, and River – as usual – turned away with a roll of his eyes. Soon enough, they were continuing on.

“Maybe we should get a pet,” Ly hummed.

River gave him a pointed look. “It’s enough work just looking after you.”

Ly laughed. “Oh, so I’m your pet now, am I?”

River blinked a few times before his cheeks warmed and he hid behind his scarf, looking away. “Why must you bring everything back to sex like a miscreant?”

“Everything comes from sex, dear River. In fact—”

“Do. Not. Finish that statement,” River practically growled.

Ly seemed to consider it for a moment before simply smiling and clasping his hands behind his back, walking ahead and humming under his breath. River sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose, before following.

They walked in rather comfortable silence for a little while. It seemed they were both finally taking the chance to actually take in the setting around them and just enjoy the splendor that the park had to offer. Maybe Spaghetti, Meatball, and that young woman’s friendly attitude had put them in a better temperament. Maybe they could actually have a peaceful rest of their day here.

“River, River, look!”

Or not.

River raised an eyebrow as Ly pointed to a bettered tended-to area of the park. The fallen leaves were in large, neat piles underneath their trees. “What?”

“What do you mean, what?” Ly huffed. “The leaves!”

“Yes, what about them?”

Ly groaned, rolling his eyes. River furrowed his eyebrows before he suddenly realized what Ly was planning. “Ly,” he warned.

Ly turned to him with a grin before sprinting away, toward the piles. River’s eyes widened as he chased after him. “Ly, someone probably spent all day raking th—!”

He winced, slowing to a stop as Ly dove straight into the pile, face-first. He was laughing as the leaves dipped under him, some flying up only to float back down on top of him. Of course, River had memories from Jeremy’s brain of the boy running around with Michael when they were littler – and maybe not so little, too – and jumping into the piles of freshly raked leaves, much to the chagrin of an exhausted Mr. Heere. Even so, even with the joy he knew the boys had felt from the silly antic, River sighed, grimacing slightly as he walked over closer to the pile. “Are you happy with yourself?”

“Very,” Ly sighed out, flipping to lay on his back in the leaf-pile, arms and legs splayed out as he closed his eyes. He looked about ready to go to sleep.

“Come on, Ly, do you have any idea what could be in those leaves? Dirt and bugs and debris and—”

River stopped when he saw Ly had opened an eye and was smirking at him. Once again, with how well they knew one another, River knew what he was planning. He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you goddamn dare.”

“Or what, Riv?” Ly purred, pushing himself up to sit.

River took a step back, but Ly was faster, grabbing onto River’s arms in a surprisingly strong grip and letting himself fall back into the pile. “Ly—!” River started, only to let out a horribly undignified shriek as he lost his balance and tumbled forward, falling into the leaves and also mostly on top of Ly.

With their combined weight, they only sank further into the pile and River found himself surrounded on all sides by leaves. It was warmer than he expected, and he could begin to understand how Ly had looked so comfortable before. However, he still pushed himself up so he was on his hands and knees over Ly instead of just collapsed on top of him. Ly had a grin on his face that could put the Cheshire cat to shame, and River once again found it hard to believe that this man had once formulated a half-decent plan to take over the human race. He scowled, praying that no one had seen – or heard – any of that. “Now are you happy with yourself?”

“Very,” Ly cackled out.

River sighed heavily, shaking his head, letting loose a few leaves that had gotten stuck there. “Unbelievable. Honestly, you’re supposed to be so much more advanced than me and yet here you are, acting like—”

Ly cut River off again, except this time, it was because he had leaned up to press his lips to River’s, kissing him gently. It did the trick and River shut up, eyes widening and cheeks flaming, and he couldn’t even move. He didn’t kiss back, but he didn’t pull away. He was just there, frozen like a machine that had short-circuited. Ly pulled away after only a few heartbeats, but it may as well have been hours in River’s mind. He simply stared, dumbfounded, at Ly under him, mouth slightly agape in shock.

Ly gave him a genuine smile, not one of his usual cocky smirks. “I just want you to have a bit of fun for once,” he murmured.

River blinked again, rather owlishly, before groaning and nuzzling into his scarf again as if to hide away. It seemed to have become more of a safety blanket than he’d intended. “I often question your idea of ‘fun,’” he muttered.

Ly chuckled, before abruptly falling quiet, eyes widening a bit. “Hold still,” he whispered, reaching up. River listened but his brow creased as Ly’s fingers brushed just slightly against his hair, and a moment later, Ly pulled his hand back. River’s breath caught as he saw the caterpillar, small and fuzzy, that was leisurely inching its way across Ly’s hand.

“How the hell did I not feel that there?” River breathed.

“Because my kiss was so great that you couldn’t focus on anything else?” Ly teased, chuckling.

River huffed. “Well, I was right about there being bugs.”

“Lighten up, River. We like making new friends, remember? Come on.”

Hesitantly, River moved to lay beside Ly in the pile, offering his hand when the caterpillar got to the edge of Ly’s. It didn’t even miss a beat as it crawled onto the new territory. River pulled his hand back to himself, smiling just a bit as he turned his hand this way and that, watching the caterpillar tirelessly climb about.

“Aw, he likes you,” Ly cooed, leaning his head against River’s shoulder.

River scoffed, but his eyes never left his new little companion. He was silent for a moment. “…Maybe I’ll reconsider about getting a pet.”

He tried to ignore the way his chest warmed as Ly laughed against him.

[mycarlydotcom]

Looking Back at iCarly

In...5...4...3...2...

Hello internet! This blog lives on, and so do I! My Nickelodeon heart still beats, and here I am in 2019, having recently finished re-watching iCarly…again. Admittedly, there is a part me still clinging to this fandom and I don’t think it will ever go away. So, I recently sat my grown ass adult-self down to re-watch the series, and I feel the desire to just talk about it.

Let’s preface everything with an acknowledgement to nostalgia and the impact it has on how we view things we enjoyed in the past. Nostalgia is typically viewed through rose colored lenses that disguise the truth about whatever it is we remember so fondly. I realize this, and fully acknowledge that nostalgia is probably the biggest reason for my enjoyment during this re-watch; but whether it was nostalgia or not, I have no shame in saying that I loved it. I loved every single second of it. Yeah it was a little cringey at first, (Honestly, that’s to be expected when looking back at shows like these with more mature eyes) but that feeling settled pretty fast, and it didn’t take long for me to fall right back in love with the show.

I love this show. I watched it frequently as a preteen into my teenage years (Around the ages of 11-15 I’d say). I watched until about Season 3 but I ended up falling off with it as I grew older; so I never saw anything from Season 4 onward during its initial run. Fast forward a few years later, and somewhere around 2013 an iCarly clip found its way into my YouTube suggestions. I don’t remember the specific clip, but it had something to do with Sam and Freddie (It may have been the elevator scene from iLove You). It caught my attention because I always remembered thinking that Sam and Freddie would end up together. Curiously enough, I clicked it, and that served as the impetus to make me watch the entire series. I watched it all, and I loved it. I loved it so much that I even made this blog dedicated to it, and other shows cut from the same cloth. I had my heart stolen by Sam and Freddie, and obsessed over the pairing like many others had done before me. I became so attached to the characters, and as corny as it sounds, I felt like they were my friends. I just loved it all. I was hooked, and the series known as iCarly ended up leaving a lasting impression on me. Going on that journey was such a blast; but like all good things, it eventually came to end. After a while I started using this blog less and less. I slowly stopped watching reruns of old Nickelodeon shows, and I eventually fell off completely. So now, we fast forward one more time and here we are in 2019, I have watched the series again, and it turns out that I still harbor that deep connection to it that I had before. The fandom still lives within me, and I’ve realized it will never go away. It is always going hold a place in heart.

Now that my long-winded introduction is over, let’s move on to talking about the show itself. Upon this most recent viewing of the series, I will say that in my humble opinion, the show peaks in Season 3. While I may love the series as a whole, I cannot deny that its glory days are definitely in its earlier years. During this re-watch, I noticed a subtle dip in the quality of show from Season 4 onward. It’s not like it falls off a cliff or anything, it was still very enjoyable, but it definitely felt like they were losing control. This trend continued in Season 5, and parlayed right into the final season as well. By the time you reach the end, it’s apparent they were desperate for ideas, or were just ready to move on. Again, it’s not awful, but it’s not firing on all cylinders like it was in the earlier seasons. There are a plethora of issues we could point to when discussing this, but I think the biggest culprit to the show’s decline in quality was the “ships.” That entire craze definitely had a negative impact on the series overall; even as a “Seddier,” I can admit that. I’ve actually previously, briefly discussed (Here) how I believe “shipping,” directly changed the original, intended story of Sam and Freddie; and I still believe that. The creative direction was undoubtedly influenced by the divide in the audience, and I don’t think that can be disputed. But regardless of the slight dip in quality, I will say that iCarly is still tremendous overall, and Seasons 4 through 6 still have their moments and some great episodes. Season 6 itself recovers wonderfully by the end, with the last five episodes of the series serving as a splendid return to form for the show.

iCarly was one of the most successful Nickelodeon shows for a reason…because it truly is great. In many ways it was a glimpse into the future when you think about the power of the internet and its ability to influence and create success nowadays. It capitalized on that ever growing popularity of the internet, and did so wonderfully. Who didn’t want to have their own version of the iCarly web show? Everyone did, it was the coolest concept. Couple that with the amazing cast they gathered to play the character’s we all came to love, and the show had a recipe for brilliance. 

Let’s actually talk about casting on this show because it is absolutely tremendous…

Miranda wonderfully transitioned from the devious little sister, Megan, on Drake & Josh, to the lovable protagonist known as Carly, and she was perfect for the role. Carly is portrayed as the best friend that anyone could ever ask for, and Miranda fills that role so believably well. You truly feel that she cares deeply for all of her friends, and honestly, I think that’s just an extension of Miranda herself. All you have to do is listen to any of her fellow cast member’s talk about her, and it’s not hard to understand why she played Carly so well.

Then there is Jennette; what else can I say about Jennette McCurdy that I haven’t already gushed about on this blog? I adore her to pieces, and her on screen counterpart known as Sam Puckett, I adore even more. I’ve heard Jennette be critical of the show and the role she played, especially as she’s gotten older and distanced herself from the Nickelodeon bubble, but I honestly think she doesn’t give herself enough credit for pulling off Sam the way she did. There is nobody else they could have cast to play that role better than her. There are many layers to Sam Puckett, and while the show tends to shy away from truly fleshing that out, we still get glimpses of it throughout the series. It’s the biggest reason why I love Sam so much, and Jennette excellently captures that contrast within the character. Sam is a tough as they come, and rarely displays compassion or vulnerability, but underneath her rough exterior is a wonderful person with a heart of gold. Much like that character, it often seems that there is a lot more than what’s displayed on the surface with Jennette as well, curiously enough. She herself, is somewhat of an enigma (which I plan on discussing one day as well). The character, and actor are very similar in that regard, and I think that’s why Sam was so great. For the purpose of comedy, Sam is a totally over-exaggerated character, and much more of a tomboy than Jennette is in real life, but beneath all the comedic hyperbole, there are some striking parallels between the character and the actor.

Of course, there is Nathan Kress, who played the role of Freddie, and did a splendid job capturing the loveable tech nerd Freddie was; especially in the earlier years. Nathan also deserves major props for continuing to pull the Freddie character off as time went on because let’s be honest, Nathan matured into quite the handsome young fella right in the midst of this show airing. It was funny juxtaposition to see him still have to portray Freddie, as Sam might say, a “nub,” when he very clearly wasn’t. So again, props to him because he still made it believable that Freddie was just a big dork who struggled with girls and whatnot despite his dapper, physical appearance.

Who doesn’t love Jerry Trainor? He comes across as the most fun person to be around, and I have to imagine that working with him is a total joy. All you have to do is watch the blooper episodes, iBloop and iBloop 2, and you can see just how much fun he makes the work environment for all of his fellow actors. He, as Spencer, is low key probably everyone’s favorite character. He was the perfect choice to portray Spencer, and while he does all the whacky humor and eccentric behavior perfectly, he also captures the moments where Spencer needs to be a responsible adult, arguably even better.

And last but not least, Noah Munck as Gibby. From starting as a reoccurring character with a strange quirk where he persistently took his shirt off , to transitioning into the main cast where announcing his own name in exaggerated fashion became a staple of the show, Noah took this peculiar character and brought him to life in the most entertaining way possible. To quote Gibby himself, Noah made the show, “a lot of fun,” and provided some of the best laughs in series.

I cannot say enough good things about iCarly. It is an all-timer as far as Nickelodeon shows are concerned, and those who were part of the fandom know just how special it was. I’ll forever hold it in my heart, and remember the joy it brought me whenever I “need a laugh, cheer, or random dance.”

And, we're clear...

[tallstars-rewrite]

Character Deconstruction: Jake

Let me just say first of all, I honestly really like Jake

Jake was such a pleasant relief from the plethora of angry, angsty, or dramatic characters the Warriors series is often filled with. He’s care-free (but not in a way that makes him stupid and flighty,) down-to-earth, and has a good sense of humor. The scene where Talltail is trapped in Jake’s house is just one of my favorite scenes in any Warriors book I've read in awhile. I didn’t have anything to complain about and I didn’t have to squint my eyes to enjoy it; it was just genuinely hilarious and cute.

It’s because I like Jake so much that I was actually really frustrated by what I saw in the rest of the story. Or more specifically, what I didn’t see. I am sure my perception of this book was colored by the fandom. Everyone hypes this book up so much, especially Talltail’s relationship with Jake. Whenever anyone thinks of this story, they immediately think of Jake as well; he was a crucial part of Talltail’s development after all… So why did they wait so damn long to introduce him?

 When the characters first started whispering about “visitors” from outside the clan, I thought “oh, this must be where Jake comes in, he was supposed to be adventurous right? He must be traveling around temporarily with some cool loners!” but nope, they had nothing to do with each other. So I thought maybe Talltail would meet him sniffing around their borders, since he took such an interest in the clans, but nothing of the sort happened. I was so confused and disappointed when I was nearly two-thirds of the way in, and he was still nowhere to be found! I know my disappointment is just the hype that I let get to me, but Jake is really important to Talltail’s arc, right? He’s supposed to be his absolute best friend, the only one Tall has had in a long time. Jake is apparently at least part of the reason Talltail backed out on killing Sparrow, which was the whole focus of the book! (or it was supposed to be anyway.) For someone so important to Talltail’s development, it’s weird that his screen time was so painfully short lived. Which brings me to my next point, as unpopular as it may be...

Talltail and Jake’s relationship just...wasn’t very well developed. I never got to a point where I felt super invested in it.

Now don’t get me wrong...I love the ship in fanworks, I've made some myself. The keyword here is fanworks.  I can’t help feeling like the fandom wants LGBT+ representation so badly (which is fair) that they latched onto this ship and made it into so much more than it actually was on paper. I don’t mind using headcanons to expand on fiction, but I have been mislead and then incredibly disappointed by actual canon too many times because of it.

Now I will admit, their relationship wasn’t bad as far as Warriors romantic relationships go. But that is not saying much at all, because 90% of Warriors relationships involves two characters who start off being really mean to each other, have no chemistry outside of that, and then one day (or perhaps after one swoops in and saves the other from peril) inexplicably go “wow you know they’re actually super hot, and also the new love of my life.” Being better than that is just not a high bar to reach. And that’s only if we treat this as an intentionally romantic relationship in the first place. Some of the main authors said they wanted it to be, but obviously their publishers would never allow them to be explicit with it. (That fact alone should have been a red flag to me that I probably wasn’t actually going to get the amazing lgbt romance everyone gushed about.)

I think i’m only being so harsh on this because I was so excited for it. Everyone praises this book to high heavens, so yeah, perhaps my expectations were unfairly high. But that’s also why it should have been so EASY to get me invested in these two, because I was really looking for reasons to be, I WANTED to be, I wanted this to be the book that was different. But as it kept going and as I kept waiting to get into it and kept waiting for them to have these scenes that would cement their incredibly deep bond that had such a big impact on Talltail’s life (romantic or platonic I would have taken either)...I never got it. That first scene they had together in Jake’s two-leg house I mentioned earlier was the best one. Other than that? What do they talk about? When do they really get to know each other? Talltail tells Jake about his father's death and wanting revenge, and Jake doesn’t ask for details. Talltail doesn’t tell him anything about his home, about his life or himself other than that, and he never really asks Jake anything about himself either. They never have any real interesting conversations. It was just constant traveling with Talltail being so focused on his quest that there wasn’t room for anything else. And as soon as they found the rogues, they parted ways almost immediately after.

You guys they only spent a week and a half together. Believe me, I went back and counted! I’ve read this book 3 times now in the past year, there were no time skips, they just walked around for a couple days, didn’t learn much about each other aside from Talltail’s revenge quest, and that was it. That’s just not enough time to earn such a strong relationship! When Jake first dropped the “you're my best friend and you always will be” line, it didn’t feel heartwarming to me, it just completely caught me off guard. Isn’t it a bit early to be saying something like that? No Jake, I’m sorry but you can’t say things like “I know you Talltail! I know you're not the type of cat to murder someone!! :(“ because you DON’T know him! You know NOTHING about him other than that he’s a clan cat and is on a murder-revenge mission. These lines just felt empty and undeserved to me.

It’s even harder for me to believe it because of how little we know about Jake himself. Talltail took to him so quickly despite him struggling to form close bonds with anyone else in his life. Why? Just because Jake was persistent? Who is Jake exactly? Why is he so interested in the forest cats to begin with? When Talltail tells him he’s on a revenge mission, why is he so excited to go run off with him? Talltail’s first impression of Jake when he confesses he wants revenge is to say “finally someone understands why I want to do this!” but does Jake really understand? Because as soon as they got there, he starts freaking out when Talltail says he’s gonna go kill Sparrow. Like...what did you think he was coming to do this whole time? Does Jake really know anything about death or strong family bonds with his kittypet background? Agh, I wish they’d taken the time to let them really talk to each other more!

I even wish Jake talked more about his two-leg and why he was so loyal to him. After all, his two-leg is the reason he has to leave his “best friend” forever. It would have been easier to understand the hard decision if we got more insight on what exactly Jake loved so much about the restrictive life of a kittypet in the first place. Why does that life suit him so much? He was doing really well out in the world.

In conclusion: needs more Jake! More Jake in general would be great.

I don’t think their interactions were bad, they were still the best part of the book...There’s just nowhere near enough. What we see is the beginning of what could be a great and interesting relationship. Not a full relationship. And to me, that was probably the saddest part of this book.

[mannotbrand]

I’m a Quitter

If you’ve been a friend (or acquaintance, or follower) of mine for like... 3 or more years, you’ve probably seen me embark on a creative endeavour that I’ve subsequently backed down from.

I consider myself a creative person (I mean, if nothing else, being a career wedding photographer would probably indicate that to most people). As a result, I’m always wanting to stretch the limits of what I do, and a lot of that involves trying new things that I’m feeling heated up about.

Something you should know about me (and it might be entirely too relevant to the prospect of starting a new blog) is I do go through these things I call cycles or waves. It’s a repeated process you can identify in many areas of my life that looks something like this:

Get really inspired by something

Become mildly obsessed with that thing and think about it day and night

Start scheming ways to make that thing a more practical part of my daily + creative life

Timidly set out to do that thing

Make a big announcement to the world, explaining “Here’s my new creative thing!”

Go steady for a little while doing the thing

Gradually lose steam, life happens, slow down on the project, realize people are less fired up about my new creative idea than I’d hoped

Hit road blocks that start to suck the fun out of it, making it more like work than passion

Eventually quietly put a pause on sharing anything with that creative project for a length of time

Get distracted by another creative project that seems worth pursuing

Give up on this creative project, (optional: delete all evidence of it online,) and start back at Step #1 with a new endeavour

It’s exhausting to do this over and over.

Truth be told, this might be my least favourite thing about myself.

See, these cycles or these waves feel a lot like something I can’t control. I can’t help but obsess over them because every new idea feels like the best one yet. Kind of like that person we all knew in high school who kept dating a new person every other week and claiming it was the best relationship of their life. Sometimes I feel like that person.

And that’s kind of lame. I’m a pretty committed person, I’d say. Paradoxically, I am not a person who does things halfway or fails to see something through to the end.

But when it comes to my creativity and trying out something I haven’t done before? (Or, trying out something I have done before in a new way?)

Well, I’m a quitter.

I have a small plethora of artistic endeavours I’ve (publicly) pursued only to slowly redact all evidence of it and reverting back to the thing I know the most.

I could name at least 3 from the past 6 years but I’m too embarrassed to write them down in case people actually remember them. 😂

Despite my cycles, I also recognize the value of time. It’s easy for me to identify “Hey, here are the list of reasons I shouldn’t keep doing this creative project” and decide to jump ship before I waste any more of my time.

A lot of it probably stems back to trying to figure out (creatively): Who am I?

That feels like a tough question to answer. And I squirm at just about every answer for a different reason.

Is all I am a wedding photographer? Am I only ever talented enough to make videos of weddings? Do I lack the talent to do anything outside of this? Am I smart enough if I ever wanted to pursue another option?

It’s a mess. But now on the other side of this blog (and on the other side of some of these endeavours), I think I see the light.

I’m a quitter. That much is true. But I’m starting to think that that is something I shouldn’t be ashamed of.

Life is short. It’ll be over soon. I’m already 27 and despite the very full and incredible life I’ve lived so far, there’s still so much I want to do yet.

Leanne (my wife) and I have been getting into the broadway show Hamilton after watching it on Disney+. The soundtrack is amazing (Lin-Manuel Miranda is ridiculously gifted and hard working) and we’ve been playing it a lot and learning lyrics to the songs.

The opening song has Alexander Hamilton singing the lyrics: “There’s a million things I haven’t done / But just you wait” and I resonate with that so much.

I’m making an effort to be a little less critical of myself and a little more willing to pursue creative ideas. I’m trying to find ways to maintain my dignity as I do them, but the principle remains the same.

Ultimately, people probably think a lot less about us in their free time than we think. The embarrassment of trying something and failing shouldn’t outweigh the courage to have tried at all.

Who knows it this blog--another creative endeavour, you could kind of argue--will live beyond a handful of articles. I am a quitter, after all, and if I don’t find the value in this project the farther I get into it, by all means, I’ll take a pass.

Until then, I hope there’s something for you in here. Enjoy a peak into my head.

[suntears1037]

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!!!ALL OF THIS!!

You were able to convey things a lot more articulated than I (I was just trying to get my post out as quick as possible tbh, because I wanted to get others thoughts because I am sick of the toxic discourse) and I too feel excitement for this series and am happy to know that others share this sentiment. The MCU and Loki has been such an important part of my life, as I have grown up seeing all of the movies in theatre’s since Iron Man when I was a kid. Loki (2021) also brings me a strong joy that I was ashamed of barring as well do to all the hate and discourse I have been seeing and I just couldn’t understand why????? Especially because I like to hold my overall THIS SHOW WAS HORRIBLE!!!!!! / THIS SHOW WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!! Opinions and thoughts until the last episode of the season had aired and I usually rewatch the entire series at least once through to make a meaningful conclusion. Its what I did with both WandaVision and The Falcon and The Winter Solider and I truly don’t believe that the sentiment is there with Loki (2021).

Wether it be the toxic fans, or just people not enjoying it because the series has decided to take chances. I may not know. What I do know is that I and most of y’all that have been supportive of this post in the comments will most likely continue to enjoy the show and take the new changes to this beloved character with open arms, and continue to have wonderful respectful discussions on this character and series as a whole as the series progresses. I plan on making a more in depth post on why people seem so torn over this series compared to WandaVision & The Falcon and The Winter Solider, Loki’s characterization compared to Infinity Saga Loki (which I know I briefly talked about in my original post) , and LGBTQAI + Representation and why Loki’s confirmed Bisexuality is important for the MCU wether or not he winds up with a woman or man and the Biphobia that exists in the MCU fandom when it comes to Bisexual Men and how the fandom only deems Bisexuality worthy when its Men being shipped with other men but not when its a male/female pairing.

I’d also like to point out that many of the new fans I have seen coming into the MCU Fandom on tumblr are mainly just interested in the celebrity discourse attached to whatever character they may be playing instead of being able to separate the two???? At least that is what I have been observing. And again as someone who has read a plethora of Marvel Comics and had been invested in the MCU since Iron Man (2008) those who have joined via only for the celebrity discourse just have put an overall damper on the community I have grown up with replaced with this hyper obsession with celebrities and blaming them on executive decisions that the actors/actresses have no control over. And even when they do (I’m referring to Tom Hiddleston being an executive producer on Loki, 2021) they still should not be receiving death threats, harassment, or bullying. Not only is the MCU now in its 4th Phase but its going in a new direction with the completion of the Infinity Saga, now if any, is the perfect time to take risks and chances with this universe that they have built and culminated for over the past decade while also going to keep the continuity of the past 3 phases and acknowledgment of the whole Saga. (See Ep.1)

I would love to know anyone’s thoughts on the last subject especially since I feel like it has gone unaddressed for a long time and I find it to be quite concerning.

Hey ummmmm, Loki (2021) Fandom can I leave my hot take for the Loki/Slyvie discourse? And overall Series discourse?

Am I the only one here that took the Slyvie/Loki moments in Ep.4 in not a romantic way but actually symbolism for self acceptance/love?????????

LIKE IS THIS JUST ME? CAUSE I REALLY DONT THINK WITH MOBIUS CONFRONTING LOKI ABOUT THE WEIRD RELATIONSHIP IS WRONG THAT MARVEL HAS OR EVEN HAD AN INTENTIONS OF LOKI/SLYVIE BEING A THING BY THE END.

I mean fuck, y’all, the episode title is called THE NEXUS EVENT, said event being when Loki and Slyvie ACCEPT who they are not as beings destined to LOSE, but as beings destined to SURVIVE while accepting their fates and approaching deaths on Lementis-1 right as the giant meteor crashes and they see and prepare for the oncoming impact. The scene briefly cuts to show Mobius and Hunter B-15 looking at the branched timeline slowly almost peacefully???? Approaching the red line?

And if anything I just find it poetic that Loki is started off as this troubled self loathing character but is now starting to accept himself. Especially after everything that he had gone through for Thor (2011) - Avengers (2012) he was filled with hurt, anger, malice, and animosity to most things, but since coming off the timeline and seeing his whole “destined” life literally play out before his eyes he was able to start on his journey, albeit messy and sloppy (see Ep. 3 discourse about Loki being to OOC) which in my opinion is completely in character for THIS Loki not INFINITY SAGA Loki. Which I believe is almost the nucleus for most of the discourse is that a lot of fans want it to be IS Loki (because thats all the fans have been given throughout the completion of the MCU) but its not, so some of the actions that this Loki has taken may be hypocritical to the actions that the IS Loki might have taken if he was taken into the TVA (if he didn’t get killed by Thanos) but we also have to remember Loki in the show has only had TWO MCU movie equivalents of his IS Arc, when in total he had ５total movies in the IS and there was major character development from Thor: The Dark World and Thor: Ragnorok for IS Loki’s character development and arc leading up to his sacrifice in Infinity War.

Loki in the series has a completely new character arc with the knowledge of his IS arc/future, but in my eyes is able to come to terms with his faults and self hatred faster with the help of Slyvie which is almost a reflection of himself. Especially in Ep. 3 when she was calling Loki out on all of his behaviors and questioning why he was the way he is. Leading up to Ep. 4.

ANYWAYS I KNOW THIS IS A TAKE ™️

But I just wanted to share some of my thoughts on the discourse on this site.

[her-culture]

Freshman Year: On Growing and Learning to "Adult"

“If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience...I will dispense this advice now…” —Baz Luhrmann

College (and I can’t stress this enough), will be difficult no matter where you go—and it will be more challenging than you expect. We all believe the age-old tale from our high schools that they were “so challenging that our students breezed through college,” but this is simply not the case. Don’t get me wrong, my high school put me far beyond my classmates in terms of actual academic work—like studying, general knowledge/depth of history, and writing skills—among other things. But what no high school can prepare you for: the abruptness of adulthood after you leave the nest. I’ve considered myself to be independent all my life, but the naivety that blinds us in youth leads us to believe that being independent in high school translates into real life. 

Although I’ve only spent a year away from home, I can assure you that even though you may feel independent, you aren’t—yet. It was a jarring transition, to say the least, but I don’t regret any of my decisions either. I traveled to the other side of the country, and there is no family to support me on the East Coast. This is not to be taken the wrong way; obviously, my family still supports me, but there is no way they can be hands-on from the other side of the country. That’s another thing, we don’t know how lucky we are to have parents who supported us in unspeakable ways in high school. Things like laundry, grocery and toiletry shopping, and the notorious cleaning of your bedroom (which is now your room, living space, kitchen, and office—so even more important for it to be tidy). It’s a very different kind of independence to have to be completely responsible for yourself and keeping your life in order. 

Freshman year, I made an innumerable amount of mistakes, but I have also learned a lot of priceless lessons. Personally, I think my experiences at school were probably noticeably different from my peers because I chose to attend NYU. More so than any other school, I would say that this experience has definitely prepared me for the adult world because of its lack of insulation; I am not on a campus enclosed by iron gates and separate from the rest of the world—I am in the hustle and bustle of a relentless, urban city, but that makes it even better. As the infamous Holly Golightly says, “I love New York, even though it isn’t mine, the way something has to be, a tree or a street or a house, something, anyway, that belongs to me because I belong to it.” I love the constant variety of life in New York; you never know what to expect, but you certainly won’t be disappointed. 

One important thing I learned was to trust my instincts more; usually, your first instinct about something is right. Moreover, it helps you to put your life in your own hands because at the end of the day, you’re the only one responsible. This applies to social issues as well as school, as that intuition has helped me with both. Another thing: you may not have had to meet with your teachers in high school, but meet with your professors, period. First of all, if you need help, they have always clarified questions I had about the lectures, labs, or other coursework. Secondly, they are way more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt in the future in regard to work that you perhaps turn in late, or if your grade is on the brink. Once you distinguish yourself from the masses of a 200-person lecture, which I guarantee not many people do, a plethora of opportunities may come. I have gotten research opportunities, sponsorship to conduct research, extensions, and more; nothing bad (for the most part) can happen from meeting with either your TA or your professor. 

Another thing I wish I had known was to be more outgoing because you never know who you’ll meet or who you’re likely to be friends with at the beginning. Maybe you become friends with the girl who sits next to you in lecture, or you strike a conversation in line at a dining hall, you never know. There were certain instances where I unintentionally isolated myself. For example, going everywhere with headphones on immediately makes you less approachable; I walk everywhere with my Beats on, and I even keep them on when I’m in school buildings. Something I would change is either taking them off altogether or at least having one side off when I’m in spaces with lots of people, especially at the beginning when everyone was getting adjusted. 

Then, there is setting up your room. As far as that goes, I’m so glad I set it up the way I did. I only brought my clothes when I went left home to go to school and bought the other appliances/containers when I arrived. I promise you nothing is worth spending an abundance of money to ship, and you will not need that shower caddy or those drawers until you get there. I made so many amazing memories my freshman year, but the most important thing to remember is to find your happy medium. You have to learn to manage when you’re not doing enough work and when you’re doing too much. You should still be your top priority, and when I say that, I mean not only future decisions but present decisions as well. If you’re tired, sleep! If you’re hungry, eat! Those seem like things that don’t need to be said, but trust me, it will resonate with you at some point in the year. If you’re not in good health, the quality of your work will certainly reflect it. Staying up all night to finish a paper will most definitely result in points off for silly mistakes that you could’ve caught if the sun wasn’t peeking over the buildings into your room. I can guarantee you it’s been better for me to go to bed instead of staying up all night to finish something; even though I’m terrible at getting up in the morning, I’ll get up if I have something important due. 

“Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubblegum.” —Baz Luhrmann

Although I knew what I intended to major in and have stuck with it thus far, most people don’t know what they’re going to study yet. I didn’t know for sure what I wanted to minor in when I started, but after taking a couple classes, I had a much better idea. The best thing you can do for yourself is to take a class just because you’re interested in it because you might discover something new about yourself. I definitely would consider myself a risk taker, but more of the calculating sort. College is a place to get out of your comfort zone and try new things. In retrospect, I wish I had taken this advice earlier. 

Taking risks has only offered me good things, and you also know yourself much better than you think you do if you take them as well. As I previously said, follow your gut, it will rarely fail you. Make smart choices about your classes, but the beginning is the best time to experiment. There’s no reason to worry about declaring a major or attending graduate school when you first arrive at college; I find myself doing this sometimes and still have to remind myself that there’s still time. 

Another important thing about the future: talk to your advisors. If you’re honest with them about opportunities you’re interested in taking (i.e. studying abroad, maybe an ambitious class, etc.) and problems you’re having, they can help you a lot more. I set up an appointment with my advisor about an issue I was having in a class and by the conclusion of my 20-minute meeting, I had devised a plan of action. The future shouldn’t be something to worry about as long as you’re being responsible about it.   

“Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.” —Baz Luhrmann

The quotes from Luhrmann’s “Everybody’s Free To Wear Sunscreen” are thanks to my mother; she used to play us the song, but the words resonate infinitely more now than they did as a little girl. Most importantly, “don’t be so hard on yourself,”—another thing my mother likes to tell me. I have learned so much and grown exponentially in the past year, and we have to give ourselves credit. We can still hold ourselves accountable for our actions, but if you feel yourself growing and prospering,pat yourself on the back. It’s so often conflated with not acknowledging mistakes and even excusing them, but there’s a difference. We’re only human, and we’re going to make mistakes sometimes, but if you take every “oops” as an opportunity for growth, that’s when you know you’re truly starting to understand what it means to “adult.” Also, I have so many unforgettable memories and people from my freshman year—so don’t forget to enjoy it! You only get to be a freshman once, so make sure you do all the freshman things and that you explore the city you go to school in. I can’t tell you how many of my friends have never been to The Met or Soho when we live in a global hub of art and culture. The world is such a beautiful place, and it helps ease the pressure to stop and smell the roses sometimes. Go for a walk, visit a museum, or watch the sun set. As someone wise once told me, “don’t wish your life away.” I don’t wish to be any older or younger than I am now: on the cusp of adulthood and consistently on the brink of achieving my dreams—small and big.

[zeddraws]

Brown People Have Feelings Too. The title is one I've contemplated for a few days. This is because I wasn't entirely sure how to pitch my views of the experiences of brown people. Yet, after a collection of experiences during my recent holiday to Croatia, I decided that the phrase from my title was necessary. As a brown person, and others with my complexion(feel free not to) they would agree that being brown isn't easy. Many of us are blessed to grow up in a cosmopolitan society where differences are celebrated with a plethora of skin tones, languages and cultures, let alone the modern movement twitter hashtags such as #UnfairAndLovely and #PraisinTheAsian and so on. However, I couldn't feel any of that pride once I went abroad. At first when I went to Athens, Greece earlier this year. I felt the stares of the locals the entire time I was there. Once were entered touristy areas we (I was accompanied by another brown person) felt more comfortable because we managed to see other people that looked like us. Thus making us more comfortable. It's a standard game we play, 'Spot the Brown Person'. Seems ridiculous I know but it happens! But what struck me the most was my recent experience on a tourist 3 island boat trip in Croatia on a pirate style boat (which was totally freakin' awesome and we took a gazillion selfies on it!). When we first boarded my mother instantly befriended a friendly Bulgarian man who agreed that he has noticed a different treatment to certain people. He told my mother about how he witnessed a Lebanese family being treated unkindly by a bus driver on a recent trip. By this point my family and I hadn't received any unkind treatment by any of the staff or locals, but we couldn't help but noticing receiving less smiles than other families. Later on in the trip was when we experienced unpleasant behaviour. On the trip we would return to the boat after each island. The second time we returned to the boat, our seats were moved to make way for the lunch buffet that was provided. We noticed a number of people had changed seats, and luckily we found some seats on the corner in the shade; ideal for my mother with sensitive skin and a problematic foot. Ten minutes after we sat down an older couple sat on the chair next to us, picking up makeup wipes that were left on one of the chairs. Now, for the life of me, I KNEW I wasn't being paranoid, I could just feel this woman's dirty looks. After a few huffs and dirty glances, the woman with attitude and her husband waddled off and left us be without saying a word. So I thought nothing of it.. THEN, what came next could only be described as a toddler tantrum from two parents, as a man with a strong American accent, came bustling towards us barking 'I can't believe this! I reserved this for my family! We reserved these 5 seats for us to sit together!' Now, my mum being the QUEEN that she is, she didn't move an inch. She very calmly stated 'There was nothing on these seats and our seats were moved, everyone has moved seats'. The man continued to bitch and moan 'what am I supposed to do? I have to swarm my family yknow!?' Now from where were sitting, we were bemused. This man was bitching, and I stick by my choice of 'bitching', at my family taking us 3 chairs when there were 4 chairs free and a spare chair behind the 4th right next to him. My sister even said 'there's a spare chair there' but was ignored. The wife came along and too started to complain openly to her husband 'where is my mask!? I need my mask! I left it and I need it' but never directly asked us. IF she had, she would've understood that there was no mask when we sat down and clearly it was loved by either the boat's staff or by their elder relatives that had sat there previously during dirty looks beforehand. I stood from my chair and said 'you can sit here I don't mind standing' and the husband said 'No no you don't have to stand' to which I thought to myself...'so why are you complaining? Why are you emphasising the issue if you don't want a solution?' So I sat and didn't budge. The son was the sweetest, roughly aged 7-9 who innocently said to his mum 'can't we just sit here' referring to the empty seats that were directly behind them. They begrudgingly listened. This trip to the final island of the those was the most uncomfortable 20-30 minutes of my life. We were made to feel so isolated and rejected when not too long ago we were enjoying ourselves and mixing with people from different countries. Nothing was overtly spoken to suggest it was a race issue, or wether it was sexism. But it was an argument that didn't need to happen. After the final island we climbed aboard the pirate ship, more cautious than previously so. We found seats away from the apparently 'claimed' corner and sat in the middle of the deck. We noticed a group of young men had sat in the corner and I knew exactly what my mother was going to say. 'Let's see if they receive the same treatment' to which we already knew the answer. When the rude people returned we heard their irritated voices sing 'not again!' as they witnessed the catastrophically unmentionable incident that their 'rightfully owned' seats had been taken. I'm telling you now, if my mum had popcorn in her hand it would've suited the look on her face. The big eyes emoji would've best suited the look on all my family's faces! The husband bitched, the wife bitched, and one gentleman moved to let them sit. However the rest didn't give a shit and it was glorious. They begrudgingly moved elsewhere, accepting the defeat hey deserved. And again the young boy with his pure innocence was the only one I felt sorry for, but he didn't complain once. The only thing I could hear was my mother's sarcastic 'oh dear' as they walked past, embarrassed of their failed conquest for those golden, sacred chairs. It was a small but satisfying victory. But looking back I couldn't help but be bothered by the experience. Why didn't I stand up to the husband's horrible attitude? Why did the men in the chairs receive less of an argument than we 3 brown women did? Why did my family receive less smiles from staff during the whole trip than other families? To be clear, the men who sat in the seats after us were all young, well built, white men. They also didn't receive nowhere near as much confrontation and complaint as my family did. So maybe the issue at hand is more to do with gender as opposed to race. But it was that incident that highlighted every interaction that happened afterwards. I noticed we got less 'service with a smile' as others. I noticed less staff wouldn't ask us questions about our day. Was it indifference or fear? These are experiences felt by my friends of colour too. Black friends stared at and even taken pictures of abroad without their permission. Sometimes the look of fear. Am I being ignorant because I've lived in London too long? Heck, even when I attended the University of Portsmouth I couldn't help but feel like the token brownie during my English Literature lectures. Is this something I should just accept? Has London spoilt me in terms of believing that diversity is accepted outside of the major cities? These questions plague me because I can't help but feel that asking them is redundant. Not everyone is equal in everyone's eyes. There is an underlying prejudice I can't help but feel the burn of when I'm looked at by certain people. I know this isn't as bad as being spat at called 'paki' (which did happen to me walking home after school aged 15), or having letters on fire pushed through your letterbox (this happened to my grandparents' close friends not far from where we grew up) but it still bothers me. What is the solution for this issue? I'd like to know. Am I supposed to not travel to certain places because of this? Is it safer to keep quiet and accept these incident rather than speak up? I'm not sure. It's a shame because on the outside I'm sure it seems like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. An insignificant blip in what was an amazing trip abroad for 7 days. But, when you notice these 'looks' all your life, and hear sometimes your closest loved ones whispering ignorant comments about your religion, culture or race, you can't help but build up a feeling of resentment inside. You can't help but feel marginalised by the society you want to be an active part in. I shouldn't have to say it but it's true. Brown people have feelings too.