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oldmenwholiveinmyheadrentfree · 2 years ago

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If Chariton Zakharov had a kid (Spoilers)

Buckle up Because I wrote a lot about her. Also sorry for being a bit awkward. I am not used to sharing my hcs and thoughts outside of friends.

Introducing Nastya Charitonovna Fallington.

I was researching Russian names and found that middle names in Russian culture tend to be after the father’s name with -ovna or -evna at the end of it. So I tried to make it slightly accurate. I named her Nastya after the 1964 film of the popular fairytale Morosko. I took a Russian culture class in college for a elective (I was promised I didn’t have to buy a textbook.... so that was a fucking lie.) I got to watch movies as part of my assignments and this film was my one of my favorites. This was in 2019... for context.

I later found out Nastya is derivative of Anastasia which means resurrection.

So in this timeline with her in it. I was in a relationship with Charlton and we had a fling. This tied into a previous post about my self insert and him.

He died before both he and I knew I was pregnant. I came clean to Sechenov expecting to be thrown out and sent back to America. But he assured me he will do no such thing.

"You have a brilliant mind and you have done brilliant work. I will help sponsor the child. Charliton was my closest friend. It's the least I can do for him in his memory."

So 9 months later. Little Nastya was born. We have a very nice apartment in the complex paid for by Sechenov. And I have a wonderful job in the labs doing biology that pays handsomely.

Sechenov became a rather interesting uncle to Nastya. Sending books and random gifts. Sometimes attending her ballet recitals. But every science fair she's in he always shows up. Not at all surprised when Nastya wins 1st prize each time.

"She's just like her father. Intelligent and precise in every way."

He sends her to private schools and makes sure her education is the best. But I assure her she can do whatever makes her happy in life.

She loves reading the tale of Morosko over and over again. She just likes the story. She can speak fluent English and Russian. I taught her English at a young age. She teaches herself other languages for fun sometimes.

She's like her father but yet different. She loves science and I raised her to be naturally curious. But she follows the rules of science. I remind her that science is about finding the truth about the world around you. And always be open to learning something new about what you thought you knew.

I make ball jointed dolls with clothes for her. Specifically I make them black or mixed race just like her in addition to buying other dolls. I make or buy dolls of other races as well. I make sure she embraces inclusivity. Her room is large filled with books and dolls. She has a little nook she holes herself in all day and reads.

She is very independent for her age because she loves making her own choices. So sometimes she purposely turns off my alarm and cooks breakfast for us. Especially on late nights when I bring work home. Crockpot dinners are a frequent occurrence. Nastya sometimes grows tired of stews. She has a taste for American cuisine such as burgers and fries. She had them a few times.

She has two stuffed bears that she carries. One for inside one for out. I sewed them for her. Not only are they her comfort toys. They hold her stim items. (She has ADHD.) And important anything including snacks and both a picture of her father. One is a standard photo of him. In the inside bear. The outside bear has one of him and me taken at a conference. They also have straps so she can carry them on her back.

At school she is adored by her teachers for being intelligent and quiet. She doesn't go out of her way to interact with others. She’s just reserved, polite, and very stubborn. She wants to do what she wants to do and likes routine. Anyone who breaks it will... Depending on how much they annoyed her will be dealt with. With me and Sechenov being the only exception.

Like if offered to play mid read. She will politely decline and just carry on. Bullies... Well... They tend to get shocked. The bear has a taser inside. Or she will swing it and use it like a mallet. It has many heavy objects inside. Our house has no robots inside.

When she asked me why, I just shook my head. "I don't like not being in full control."

She just opted to build her own. She has a few simple robots to bring her things or make her life easier. Like one will fly and become her reading light at night.

It can be hard to get her to sleep sometimes. She says she doesn't like to dream. She dreams of her father and she desperately wants to know him. She wonders if he would've loved her. She is jealous of kids being dropped off by their daddies. She has a male doll that she ripped out the hair of and gave him glasses made of wire. She put him and a doll to represent me and her and put it in a toy car. She then 'drives' it to her library. To simulate being driven to school. She likes to be read to and sung to sleep.

I sing in English or Russian for her. Sometimes if she had a bad day she'll sleep on her own and sometimes cry herself to sleep. I feel guilty and sometimes bring her to my bed or couch to sleep with me as I work or sleep. We overslept and she missed her alarm to wake up. I just held her from school that day to have a mental health day. I brought her homework to the school and brought back new homework for her. She built a robot to wake her up if she's not in her room the same day. She doesn't like missing school.

I make her go outside sometimes. She needs to exercise. I try to make her play with the neighborhood kids. She just wanders off into the small pack of woods and reads on a tree. She climbs trees and does 'field research'. She puts frogs into her overall pockets. And tries to take them home. I make her put them back outside if I catch her.

Once she managed to sneak on in and put it in a jar. She watched it jump and worked on a robot based on the legs. Sechenov came by to check on her and we entered her room without knocking. She grunts and Sechenov sees her sketches. He was so impressed.

For the events of Atomic Heart in game.

For the summer we took a vacation to St. Petersburg. She was hyperfixated on poetry and history of Russia in the 1800s. So I obliged her and took her there.

This happened when the robots attacked so thankfully we were kept ignorant until we came back to see the carnage. If this was a dlc we would be having me sitting her down and boarding up a place for her to be safe and sound. And I go out with my own glove and weapons to find Sechenov to bring order. I was gone for two days and she hasn't heard from the radio I gave her. So she goes out to start her own little adventure. She's a badass little girl. She made her own weapon and snuck into a doctor's office. She stabbed herself with polymer and allowed herself to use the powers of her own glove she made. Heavily inspired by the cartoons (the tutorials of the glove powers) she watched. Sorry for the length... but this is what I have for now. I may write more at some point.

#atomic heart spoilers #atomic heart #dmitry sechenov #atomic heart oc #nastya #char les #chariton zakharov

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maggatron · 1 year ago

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Get to Know Me

Name: Maggie // Маги

Age: As of writing this, I'm 24 years old.

City that you live in: Burgas, Bulgaria // Бургас, България

Hobbies: Game devving in Unreal Engine 5, 3D modeling, writing, reading.

What are your passions? Game devving in Unreal Engine, 3D modeling.

What do you search for in a significant other? Not actively searching. I'm spoken for, ladies ;3

Have you ever collected anything? What was it? When I was younger, I used to collect Hot Topic pins. Like the kind that you hook onto hats and jackets.

List 5 things off of your bucket list. - Visit Japan - Cosplay as my DnD character - Visit the Eyes of God (Prohodna Cave // Пещера "Проходна") in Karlukovo, Bulgaria - Help my fiancé make a DnD character for himself, so I can write stories of mine and his going on sweet quests and stuff - Meet Markiplier and/or Jacksepticeye someday.

What was the last thing you learned? Just earlier today, I learned how to properly export a Metahuman (3D model of a human) from Unreal Engine into Blender. I'm gonna make some fun stuff >w>

How many relationships have you been in? That's classified.

Favorite food Yellow apples // Жълти ябълки

Favorite drink Peach juice // Сок от праскова

Are you optimistic or pessimistic? I like to think of myself as optimistic, but considering how much I know I complain without really even meaning to, my fiancé would prolly say I'm leaning more toward being a pessimist.

What is the most expensive thing you own? I think my computer, the total sum of all the parts I've used to upgrade it over time.

What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own? My fidget cubes. They help with my ADHD when my mind gets to be too much.

How many times a day on average do you check your phone? Not as often as I should.

Text or call? I... don't actually own a phone with an active sim card, so I'm kinda stuck texting for now. But I prefer calling.

Opinion on long distance? Not sure what there is to say tbh. I mean, my family in America, I miss them a lot. But I'm glad I can still (video)call them on Facebook. Time difference is a constant struggle tho ^^'

Favorite song? Currently, it's 'Hey, Mario' by Patent Pending. It's in my playlist on Tumblr blog, if you're curious what it sounds like. It's a good song.

Celebrity crush/crushes? Garrett Hedlund, Cara Delevingne, Sebastian Stan.

Favorite flower? Lily. I've always loved lilies. People always assume that my favorite flower must be the magnolia blossom (because my name), but nope.

What is the best gift you could receive right now? A new phone with a working sim card.

Any guilty pleasures? Mac and Cheese. Hear me out... Ever since I was younger, mac and cheese was always my comfort food. I'm talkin' homemade cheese sauce with the cartoon-level stretch. The way my fiancé makes it, the cheese is so stringy and gooey, I just mmmmmm

How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month? Prolly way too many, but my fiancé is literally the best thing to ever happen to me, so I mean it every time.

Where did you last go other than your room/home? I went to a little town called Vetren with my fiancé. We visited some family, had some pizza, stayed overnight, had a good time. It was fun. I'll miss them.

How many green shirts do you own? I think just one, and it's my long-sleeved sweatshirt/pullover that I mostly wear in the fall when it starts getting cold.

Do you like anime? Hell yes! I love anime! One Piece, Dragonball, Naruto, Boku no Hero, Black Clover, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Bakemonogatari, hell yeah!

What do you invest the most time in? Blender modeling on my computer. Shamefully, sometimes when I have my headphones on, I tend to lose myself in my work. I lose track of time really easily that way ^^'

Where are you most productive? On my computer.

Do you believe world peace will ever exist? I know it's possible, but it's entirely dependent on every human being on the planet agreeing and respecting each other.

Do you have any allergies? Mostly just seasonal allergies.

Do you consider yourself mature? I think I am, but I know sometimes I get overexcited about things, which makes me seem a little childish.

How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr? Dude, years ago, back in old yore of 2013~ish, I spent WAY too much time on Tumblr. I had a blog where I wrote/read fanfics on, but I think that particular blog has since been lost to time.

What do you think your soulmate is doing right now? I know what he's doing right now. He's at work in the city right now.

Do you have a job? No, but I wish I did.

How many all-nighters have you pulled before? No comment >w>

Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website? Reddit was my favorite website before the whole blow-up about the API. Now, all my feeds are dead/broken and Reddit as a whole feels... wounded. That's one of my reasons for returning to Tumblr, actually.

When was the last time you looked at the news? I choose not to keep track of the news. It tends to be pretty depressing, so...

If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say? Get over yourselves and love/respect each other equally.

What is your favorite animal? It used to be penguins. Now, it's frogs.

What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get? Lately, I've been getting to sleep at about 3am. I usually sleep for 7ish hours, which seems to be enough for me.

In the winter- beanies or gloves? Beanies.

Would you rather have wings or a fish tail? Wings.

If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it? Yes, I would erase my birth mom, for reasons I won't divulge here now...

How many digits of pi can you recite? 3.141759....? I think?

Describe yourself in one word. Emotional.

Describe your last victory. Does Fortnite count? ^^'

Have you ever broken a bone before? Nope.

Coffee or tea? Tea.

How many hours have you spend on tumblr today? Too many, already. It took me way too long just to get the code for my music player figured out xD

#get to know me #maggatron

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stevetonyweekly · 3 years ago

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SteveTony Weekly - March 6

Happy Sunday!! Here’s what I’ve been reading this week. As always, leave your fic authors some love if you read and enjoy their stories!

**Indicates my recent favs

~*~

Cozy by KandiSheek

Tony seems to have a propensity to hug Steve whenever he's sleep-deprived. Which would be all well and good, if Steve had any idea why Tony chose him of all people to be his personal teddybear.

2020 by joannakth

Tony’s half in Steve’s lap, half on the chair. Steve is warm beneath him and presses an even warmer kiss to the bottom of his jaw and asks “Ready for 2020?”

Thor and Clint are counting down aloud and Natasha is tapping her foot along to the beat of their counting.

“Yeah,” Tony says simply, pressing his lips to Steve’s as the ball hits the ground and all sound is reduced to the cheers from the screen and Thor bellowing “Happy New Year, Midguard!”

And Tony really is.

This is the one where Tony and Steve have one blissfully happy, drama free year.

**** Straight on till Morning by Sineala

Tony Stark resigned his commission in Starfleet five years ago, after a disastrous away mission, and he swore he'd never go back. He just wants to be left alone to build warp engines in peace. But the universe has more in store for him than that, as he discovers when Admiral Fury comes to him with an offer he could never have expected and cannot possibly refuse: first officer and chief engineer aboard the all-new USS Avenger, a starship of Tony's own design. What's more, the Avenger's captain is Steve Rogers, hero of the Earth-Romulan War. Believed dead for over a century, Steve is miraculously alive... and very, very attractive.

But nothing is ever easy for Tony. As he wrestles with his secret desire for his new captain and his not-so-dormant fears, another mission starts to go wrong, and Tony becomes aware that Steve has secrets of his own -- and the truth could change everything.

I Always Turn To You by KandiSheek

The Avengers are all hanging out drunk in the common room when Clint suggests playing fuck, marry, kill. Everyone chooses Steve to marry and while it is flattering Steve doesn't really care until Tony says he'd marry Bruce instead. He's not sure why that irks him so much.

Cat's Out of the Bag by FestiveFerret

This was just supposed to be a once-in-a-while cat sitting gig to get Tony back on his feet. It wasn't supposed to be weeks on end at an amazing apartment, it wasn't supposed to be mysterious locked rooms, it wasn't supposed to be masked men in the middle of the night.

And it definitely wasn't supposed to be falling head over heels in love.

lonely rivers flow to the sea (Topographies Remix) by ishipallthings

Tony wonders what Steve meant by this. If he meant sleeping with and waking up to someone beside him, anyone, or if he meant being in bed with Tony specifically, waking up to Tony in the morning. This isn’t enough to be a thing, or at least it shouldn’t be. Just two people falling into bed on occasion when Tony’s in New York and Steve’s free for the night, a different way of working out the tension between them that had existed from the very first glance.

Tony’s always been good at tracking patterns.

Feathers by RiaRose

Tony wakes up with wings and regardless of what Thor says about it being a gift, it's freaking him out. But sometimes, the most unusual gifts have a deeper meaning and the potential to finally be with the one person he never thought he could have.

Wing!fic with smut- the best kind.

seeing the world through your eyes by itsallAvengers

Sometimes Tony does things that Steve doesn't really understand. Turns out, there's a reason for that. But it's not really one that Steve is all too aware of, what with him being from the forties and all. Back then, they would've called it laziness.

Now, apparently, it's ADHD.

Steve's still got a lot to learn about the future. And his boyfriend. But never say Captain America isn't up for the challenge.

Code Name; Love by justanotherrollingstony (adoctoraday)

The first time Steve sees the man who is going to be his personal security detail, he nearly swallows his tongue. Tony Stark is handsome, capable, and good with a gun.

Steve doesn't stand a chance.

The Loneliest Number by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)

When Steve Rogers was born, he had dozens of soul marks scattered across his skin.

Tony Stark has only ever had one soul mark.

People are born with all the soul marks of the people that might one day be their soulmate. Steve has watched as all of his fade away. Tony has only ever had one.

take my breath away by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)

Steve can feel his whole body curling in on itself, can feel the way everything is caving in around him, and as he drifts off to unconsciousness, Steve's last thought isn't the kind of joy he'd expected to experience upon discovering his soulmate.

Instead, his last thought is how does Tony even breathe like this?

the street finds its own uses by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)

When Tony's syncmate implant (and no, Rhodey, it's not a soulmate implant, no matter what pop culture calls it) starts emitting signals five years after it was implanted, Tony thinks he can ignore it. He's wrong.

If the Water's Still Flowing by Sineala

When a flight test of Tony's new Iron Man suit model sends him plunging into the depths of the Atlantic, rescue comes from the most unlikely of sources. Tony had thought mermaids were fictional, but this man is very, very real. And Tony certainly never expected the merman to be handsome... and the attraction to be mutual.

**** Champagne Problems by iam93percentstardust

Because I dropped your hand while dancing

Left you out there standing

Crestfallen on the landing

Champagne problems

“You look happier,” Steve tells him, and Tony thinks that he must be a better liar than any of them ever gave him credit for because he’s not. He’s miserable, and the penthouse is empty, and his bed is emptier still, and none of that matters because Tony did that to himself. He’s the one who turned Steve down; he has no right to be miserable.

A Very Fluffy Apocalypse by tsukinofaerii

It started small, with one little incident that was only one of the first steps in what would be the total collapse of the human race, and only the Avengers able to stop it. It started... with a kitten.

**** The Price We Pay by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)

Sometimes Steve forgets about the weight around his neck.

Everybody lives AU that plays with how the boys might keep on tiptoeing around each other for years before falling into bed together. Because canon's stupid.

Drift by fundamentalBlue

He remembers the first taste of acrid air, the stink of welding and burnt plastics serenading his deepest cravings for this way of life. The floors clicked underneath his military-issued boots, the world swirling around him as people bobbed right and left, bent on their missions. It was an indifference Tony was gasping and begging for, a life away from being the son of a very rich man with very far reach. Here, he was just Tony.

And this life was his for the taking.

Until he met Steve, and then the idea of security, guarantees, came tumbling down.

Soul Bomb by copperbadge

Suddenly everyone in Manhattan has someone else's voice in their head. Tony got Steve's, for his sins.

The Heavens Tumble, Darling, and I'm— by ChibiSquirt

For most of Steve’s life, he’d been certain he was going to meet his soulmate by pissing him off. (Almost certainly a him, although the occasion of the WACs did cause Steve’s heart to stutter for more reasons than just the look of a girl in uniform.) He was sure that the conversation would go something like—

“Something something (probably something sassy), Mr. Soulmate.”

“Captain,” Capt. Soulmate would correct him.

Because that was all it said: Just “CAPTAIN”, all caps, no punctuation, in dark block letters that looked simultaneously angry and precise. So he could probably be forgiven for assuming that it was a correction for a misapplied form of address; after all, it couldn’t be someone addressing him as Captain, could it?

Aha.

Ahahahaha.

Life was very funny.

Visible At last by AvocadoLove

Based in a world where everyone has a soulmate's name written on their arm -- but not visible to the world until they touch.

(Steve/Tony)

Hiraeth by sabrecmc

"Do you believe the universe fights for souls to be together?" Tony asked, trying to keep his voice steady and tell himself the answer wasn't everything.

Fanart by superfizz in Chapter 3

Like Sunlight by sara_holmes

Steve is used to the way it feels by now; a strange but gentle tugging connection under his sternum, warm tingles in his skin whenever they touch. That is, until Tony gets himself kidnapped. Then it kinda feels more like someone is trying to wrench his heart out through his ribcage.

**** Falling Into You by sabrecmc

Tony and Steve end up as fuck buddies after the events of The Winter Soldier until Steve calls it off. When Loki's spell wipes all of Steve's memories since the last time Loki was in town, Tony decides it will be so much easier to just not tell Steve they had something of a relationship. Spoiler: It isn't.

Or, how Steve fell in love with Tony and forgot about it, and how Tony fell in love with Steve and realized it.

Walking Wounded by Captain_Panda

A good man went to war. Captain Rogers came out.

**** Love Beyond Reason by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)

Tony's had his red thread his whole life. As an infant, he used to wave his left hand around, staring at it as though trying to figure something out. As a toddler, he crawled north every time anyone put him down. As a child, he stared and stared at the thread on his finger and wondered if it meant there was someone out there that might love him the way his father never did.

By the time Tony's twelve, he knows that's a pipe dream. No one gives a damn about him. No one ever will.

A red thread of fate fic that somehow turned into a cross-country roadtrip fic too.

True North by drifloon

“Von Doom wants war, and this - “ another faded photo glides over the wooden tabletop, of a man with a crooked grin, cold blue eyes and oil smudged on his cheek “- is the alchemist who’s going to win us that war.”

Steve Rogers nods. “Where do I find him, sir?”

Sent to the edges of their country, Steve Rogers stays with the mysterious alchemist Anthony Stark and his helper, Pepper Potts, for thirty days and thirty nights to learn Stark's secrets - but things are not as they seem, and Steve finds himself questioning his loyalties, both new and old.

The Lost Art of Correspondence by Winterstar

The shit storm Tony found himself in – well-he had no one to blame but himself. Hacking into MIT's grading system as an undergrad to avoid the useless course work in English got him into this mess. As a graduate student he should not have to worry about taking an English class to fulfill an undergrad requirement. But that was exactly what happened. English 13B: The Lost Art of Correspondence. It was literally a pen pal class where he was assigned to a Service member and had to write lonely hearts letters to some lunk head deployed to who knew where. He could get through it. All he had to do was convince the lunk head to go along with his plan. Fill out a spreadsheet, write the paper, no letters needed. But Lunk head refused. Lunk head wanted the lonely hearts letters. It didn’t matter that Lunk head might be the Greek god Adonis come to life, Tony didn’t have the time. Trying to navigate grad school, his parents, Tony did not need a Greek god Lunk head in his life, nor did he want to write lonely hearts letters to anyone – least of all some earnest do good soldier.

By the end, though, Tony did just that. Write lonely hearts letters to his Adonis lunk head – soon to be Captain - Steve Rogers.

#stevetony #stevetony weekly #stevetony fic #stony fic #fic rec #fic rec list #stony #superhusbands fic #superhusbands #steve roger #tony star #iron man #captain america

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mosswillow · 4 years ago

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Focus - Dark!Bucky Barnes x ADHD!Reader

Warnings! Dark! 18+ content, vaginal fingering, noncon/dubcon, smut, kidnapping, oral (female receiving)

Summary: You never should have taken the job cleaning for Stark industries. The Avengers might be heroes on the outside but something sinister lies just beneath the surface.

A/N: this is part of the Synonyms series. You can read any of them as stand alones but I encourage reading them in order if you want to read all of them. This one specifically ties them all together (but you can still read it alone and it should make sense)

This is one of those where it doesn’t feel done but I’m done writing it. I think I just hyped it up in my head too much so after actually writing it I’m like, eh it’s not as good as I thought it would be.

Word count: 3.4k

If you could just focus, everything in your life would be better.

Your inattention follows you around like a shadow. It stands behind you, silently ruining your life while you try in vain to just focus. Just don’t forget. Just stop losing things. Just pay attention. Teachers in school would tell you to stop daydreaming, that if you just listened you could do so much better. Growing up, Your parents treated you like you would never amount to anything. They would push your siblings to do well in school but when it came to you they were silent, unwilling to spend energy on a kid who couldn’t even make it through a family dinner without getting distracted. Everyone around you would laugh at your “quirky” personality. You know that for other people you’re funny, always getting yourself into trouble and making silly mistakes. You don’t think it’s funny though and you never did. As a kid you would frequently cry yourself to sleep. You found ways to hide your stupidity so that just maybe others might overlook your shadow. You’ve tried so hard to act normal, to make check lists and routines but it never works and you always find yourself once again brought to tears after your inevitable failure.

This is why you took the job at Stark Tower all those years ago. You knew you wouldn’t excel at school and so you took the first job you could find, cleaning for Stark Industries. It’s something you’re actually good at and the only routine in your life you’ve been able to consistently follow. It makes you move around constantly and there’s always some different puzzle to solve. You love the feeling of finally getting out a tough stain from the carpet or finding the perfect tool to finally get to a hard to reach spot.

Now, after years of hard work and an extensive background check you’ve been promoted to cleaning the Avengers floor. You have a generous salary now, health insurance, your own place with no roommates. Some people may judge what you do but you don’t care anymore. It’s honest work and you love it.

---

You walk into stark tower, showing security your badge before heading to the elevator and riding it up to the Avengers floor. You’ve had this job for a few weeks now but you still feel nervous every day. If you’re honest you’re scared of them, the Avengers, They feel unhinged. It’s nothing they do or say. It’s the general vibe you get when you’re around them, like they’re filled to the brim with unbridled anger that hides underneath a cracking exterior. Any moment they might break completely and whatever trauma they’ve all been through will spill out and consume anyone who dares stand close to them.

You start your day in one of the many bathrooms, scrubbing every surface before taking your cleaning supplies and working your way through the floor. Every day is much of the same, you spend all day cleaning the massive Avengers living area, trying your best to stay out of their lives.

You turn a corner and see Captain America with someone, a new recruit you’ve seen around but haven't met. He has her against the wall, pushing his finger into her pussy. You stand stunned for a second.

“If I don’t take action now I might lose you and I can’t lose you.” Captain America says.

You turn and jump back behind the corner, sliding your back down the wall. You can make out some of their conversation and it sounds dramatic. She’s crying and begging him to walk away. You close your eyes and tell yourself to stay out of it. It’s not your place and if you tried to step in you could lose your job.

You hear footsteps walking towards you. Captain America stops and flashes a smile while you stand up.

“We appreciate privacy here, you understand the consequences if you tell anyone about anything about our personal lives?”

You do know, they had you sign an agreement that said they’d take everything away from you if you talked about their personal lives in any way to anyone. If you value your livelihood you won’t speak a word about it to anyone.

“I’m sorry sir, I saw you there and didn’t want to interrupt. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but, Is… is she ok?”

He crosses his arms and looks you up and down.

“Everything is consensual if that’s what you’re asking, we enjoy a little roleplay sometimes.”

you‘re not totally convinced, something inside you tells you that he’s lying to you. He looks at you so intently and you know, despite his hero status, that he wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of you permanently if he had to. you nod your head and give a smile.

“I’m sorry if I insinuated anything sir.”

He checks his watch before quickly walking away. You exhale and pick up your cleaning supplies. As you walk past her room you stop for a second, deciding if you should knock. You back away, not wanting to interfere more than you already have.

“You’re new here.” a voice says as you reach the living room.

“Yes, I just started a few weeks ago.” you reply.

“I’m Bucky.” he walks over to you, looking you up and down.

“I have a lot of work to finish.” you back up a few steps and hold your cleaning tote in front of you. Bucky stuffs his hands in his pockets and smiles.

“I won’t keep you.”

---

Six months later

---

You walk into Tony’s suite and lean down to plug in your vacuum. A pop of red catches your eye and you pull a thong out from under the nightstand. You turn it over in your hands, deciding what to do with it. A hand comes behind you and takes it from you. You look up to see Tony Stark in front of you, stuffing the thong in his pocket.

“Mr. stark.” you gasp.

“From a one night stand.”

“Of course sir, do you want me to wash and return it to your... friend?”

“No.” Tony says quickly. “That will be all in here today.”

“I haven't vacuumed yet, do you want me to come back later?”

“No, just leave.”

You unplug the vacuum and roll it out the door, turning just briefly to close it behind you. As the door closes you see Tony pull the underwear out of his pocket and bring it to his nose.

You try your best over the next week to keep your mind focused on work. Everything starts to get back to normal.

One evening you hear a thud and someone yell out in pain. You run over to see Tony in the hallway standing threateningly over a woman.

“Is everything ok? You ask.

“We’re fine, you can leave for the night.” Tony says, waving you away. You make eye contact with the woman, looking back and forth between her and Tony. She nods and gives you a small, unconvincing smile. You turn around and walk away, wanting nothing more than to get home and take a long shower. Maybe you can forget about what you just saw.

On your way out you run straight into a wall of muscle.

“Hey, what’s the rush sweetheart.” Bucky catches you, holding onto your shoulders.

“I, uh, I’m sorry sir. Nothing, I’m just anxious to get home I guess.”

“Call me Bucky.”

“Bucky.” you say, moving away from him and towards the door.

“Hey, are you ok?” He takes a step towards you, cocking his head and furrowing his brow.

“Yes sir… Bucky.”

“Hey, you can tell me.”

“No, I can’t.” you look into his eyes, silently communicating the reason for your silence.

Bucky runs his hand through his hair and looks down.

“Your socks match.” he looks up and smiles.

“I’m sorry?” you look at your feet.

“You usually wear mismatched ones, it’s cute.”

You know he meant it to be a fun observation, maybe even a weird complement, but it feels pointed. You always lose your socks, it’s just one of the many small things that you should be able to do better but just can’t. You can’t even keep your life together enough to consistently find matching socks. You give a fake smile, used to laughing at yourself when these things are pointed out.

“Oh, yeah.” you laugh.

Bucky takes an almost imperceptible step towards you and you in turn take a very obvious one backwards.

“I’ll see you tomorrow sir.” you say.

“Bucky.”

“Bucky.” you give a tight smile before walking away.

---

Two weeks later

---

Natasha hands you a book.

“Can you wrap this please?”

“Yes ma'am, whose name should I put?”

“Say to my little bookworm, Love Nat.”

You wrap the present lovingly, putting extra care into it. You’ve seen them together, Nat and her girlfriend. Tony and Steve’s wives mostly keep to themselves but Natashas girlfriend is always nice to you, acknowledging you and thanking you when she sees you working. She owns a bookstore that you’ve visited a few times and always remembers you when you walk in.

“I think you forgot a piece of tape.” Bucky whispers in your ear making you jump. He’s started doing this, becoming more comfortable around you, touching you in small ways and getting just a little closer than what’s appropriate. You grab another piece of tape and secure a bit of paper.

“Thank you.” you say as you tie a bow around the gift and write the note. You pause with your pencil trying to remember what Natasha told you to write. You should have written it down when she told you it. You curse under your breath, wishing you had paid better attention when you were given instructions. You remember it was something easy but not exactly what she wanted.

“I have to get this back to Ms. Romanoff.” you push past Bucky.

“Did I do something to make you upset?”

You stop and look at him.

“No sir”

“Bucky”

“I just prefer to remain professional while at work,” you look down.

“What about outside of work?”

“I would rather keep that life separate. I’m sorry, I just really like this job and don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize it.”

Bucky clenches his jaw and you half expect him to grab you and push you against the wall like you’ve seen the captain and Tony do to their girlfriends and then wives. You flinch when he takes a step towards you. He reaches out, brushing the back of his hand over your cheek.

“I’m not like the others,” he whispers.

You’re not sure what to say, you just nod and watch as he steps back and walks away.

---

One month later

---

You’re doing dishes, scrubbing hard against burnt on food that was never soaked or even rinsed. One of them had a date the night before, making a complicated meal.

“How long until you get your girl?” Thor says to Sam as they walk into the kitchen.

“Tony’s working on it, probably a few weeks before I can take her home.”

They each grab oranges and head into the next room. their voices get quieter for a few minutes then louder again as they walk back to throw away their orange peels.

“I’m envious, I often fantasize about finding mine, If only I knew where she was.” Thor says.

“You have no idea where she could be?”

“I must confess, friend, I don’t even know what planet she’s on. She’s a slippery little lady.”

You stop washing dishes for a second, mind trying to dissect what you’re overhearing.

“You ok?” Bucky sets a plate next to the sink.

“Yes sir.” you reply, taking the plate and washing it.

You turn off the sink and turn around, seeing multiple dishes you forgot about. You pick them up and bring them to the sink, restarting the cleaning process.

“I think you should take a vacation.”

You look at him and raise your eyebrows.

“You’re a hard worker, and fast too.”

You nod in agreement.

“You’re… unusual to watch though.”

You set the last clean dish in the drying rack and turn your back to Bucky, taking a step away. You put your hand in your pocket to pull out your phone which holds your to do list but it’s not there. You look to your right and left and then turn back toward Bucky. He holds your phone out to you and you grab it and open your list.

“This is the third time today you’ve misplaced your phone.”

“I appreciate your concern, you’re very observant.” you bite your tongue before you say something aggressively inappropriate to your boss.

“Hey, I don’t want to hurt your feelings. You’re very smart and capable, I just noticed it’s been worse lately and think you should take a break.”

You take a deep breath.

“I’m taking next week off.” you say, grabbing a broom and walking out of the kitchen.

“Good.” Bucky yells after you.

---

Three months later.

---

Your phone rings, waking you up from a deep sleep.

“Hello,” you say sleepily.

“Hey, can you come in ASAP?” Tony says from the other end.

You jump out of bed.

“Of course, I’ll be there soon.”

You quickly get dressed and run out of the apartment. You gasp and drop your bag as soon as the elevator door opens. There’s a huge mess covering the entire living room and kitchen. There’s broken glass and furniture everywhere as well as a hole in the wall. It looks as though there was a fight and you wonder what happened. You get to work right away.

Thankfully a few of the Avengers wives come and help you clean up. Natashas wife evidently is back from a long honeymoon and you’re happy to see her. You smile at her and she frowns back at you.

“Are you ok?”

She looks away. “Just tired.”

You watch her give a tiny flinch as Natasha calls her name from the next room. Something is very wrong.

“You got this cleaned up fast.” Bucky says, taking a dustpan away from you and dumping the contents into the trash.

“I had help.” you say, looking over to where Natasha and her wife stand across the room.

You look back at Bucky and give a sweet smile.

“I was wondering if I could leave a little early on friday. There’s a birthday party for my grandmother.”

“I think you’ve earned leaving a little early after today, you’re welcome to get ready for your party here too. You can use the guest room.”

“Thank you sir.”

“Bucky.”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

“Thank you Bucky.”

---

You put on your dress and a full face of makeup, admiring yourself in the mirror before heading out. Bucky stands outside of the guest room door, obviously waiting for you.

“You clean up nice.”

“Thank you.”

Bucky clicks his tongue as he stares at you.

“Did I ever tell you that you remind me of someone I used to know?”

You back away.

“No, you didn’t.”

“I miss her.”

You try your best to take even breaths. The way he looks at you makes you deeply uncomfortable. You feel naked despite your dress being on the conservative side. You make the mistake of looking straight at his crotch, seeing a very visible bulge. You gulp and shift uncomfortably on your feet.

“Have a good time at your party.” Bucky says.

“I will.” you say politely before basically running to the elevator. You get in and realize you forgot your phone. You walk back to the guest room where Bucky waits, holding your phone out for you. You grab it and turn around but bucky catches your arm.

“Focus, do you have everything you need.”

You shift your eyes away and realize you forgot your wallet and keys too.

Bucky grabs your things out of his pocket and hands them to you.

“Thank you.” you breathe.

Bucky hums and lets you go.

“Be safe,” he yells as you walk back to the elevator, this time taking it down and leaving the tower.

---

Three months later

---

You’re going to quit today. As good as the money is it’s not worth the fear and stress of working there. Not only have you become more and more concerned about the wives of the Avengers but you just can’t take Bucky anymore. You’re scared of him. The way he looks at you makes you feel as though he could decide at any minute to lock you in a room and tear your clothes off. You feel constant stress at work and have developed a tremor. No amount of money is worth this work environment. The lease at your apartment is about to end and you’ll move back with your parents until you find a new job.

You enter the avengers floor and hear yelling.

“Fuck!”

“I thought we were kidnapping women?”

“You weren’t supposed to just snatch one. Now there’s a whole mess to clean up.”

“Thor just took his.”

“He has a point.”

“Thor had that whole betrothal thing.”

“Touche.”

You make eye contact with a scared woman who is sitting on the couch with her hands tied in front of her. She mouths run and you do, running out of the tower and home. You start frantically packing a bag, throwing your phone away since you’re sure they can track it.

“There’s nowhere to hide baby.”

You scream as Bucky pulls you away from your suitcase and throws you on your bed.

“Here’s what’s going to happen.” he touches your face, smoothing his finger over your lip.

“We’re married now, Tony already set it up. I’m going to take you on a honeymoon on an island until I can trust you.”

It clicks in your head, the honeymoons. They always come back so quiet and introverted.

“What did they do to those poor girls?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Tears start forming in your eyes.

“I won’t tell anyone, just let me go.”

“This is the only way.”

Bucky’s hand travels down your body, grabbing your waistband and pulling your pants off. He puts his hand in between your legs and you squirm away, clenching your legs tight.

“Please baby, I don't want to hurt you but I will if i have to. Now open up”

You shake your head, tears now spilling down your cheeks. He slaps you hard and you clutch your throbbing face, crying out and pushing your body against the headboard. You slowly and shakilly open your legs for him, closing your eyes as he dips a metal finger in your pussy.

“I’m not like the others.”

He thrusts his finger in and out.

“They took those women out of greed. They feel like they deserve love after everything they’ve given up... we’ve given up.”

He reaches his other hand up, still fucking you gently with a metal finger, and grabs your chin, shaking your head gently until you look at him.

“I just want you to be safe and happy.”

Bucky pulls his finger out. He grabs his cock, stroking it as he looks at your naked lower half. You try to close your legs but he grabs them, pulling them open. He kisses your mound gently and you arch your back involuntarily, pushing your pussy into his face. He grabs your legs and holds you against his mouth, suddenly sucking and licking until you’re coming undone. The pleasure washes over you and you relax for a second before your mind is brought back to reality. Your legs shake as He pulls back and smiles at you, climbing over you and pushing his impressive dick in. He kisses you as he thrusts into you, grabbing your shoulders and squeezing them as he comes.

“I’m going to be good for you, this will be good.” he whispers, holding you as you cry in his arms.

---

You’re forgetful. You don’t focus, don’t pay attention. It was right in front of your face and you still missed it. You always miss it. You’ve always been someone who gets themselves into trouble, always making silly mistakes and having to pay for them.

Your shadow did it again, silently destroyed everything around you while you ignorantly looked the wrong way. If you could just pay attention.

If you could just focus.

But you can’t.

#dark!bucky barnes #dark!mcu #dark!bucky x reader #dark!bucky

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quillsink · 3 years ago

Text

AIGHT WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THE BLORBOS FROM MY MIND!! part 1/???

Okay so if you’ve followed me for a bit you’ve probably heard about my OCs. I have a Lot of them but the main three whom I love with all my heart are James, Alan and Chris!! Putting this under cut because it is Long as hell. Please send me asks about them I love them so fucking much

Okay so James, Alan and Chris are a trio of friends! I created them in January 2021. James is the most developed character and my personal fav (don’t tell alan and chris shhhh) he was the first one to be created! Alan, his best friend, followed and then Chris.

The trio are a group of low ranked soldiers in the Revolutionary War, all of the trio in their early twenties with Alan being the oldest at 25 and a half and James the youngest at 21/22/23 (haven’t decided his age yet rip).

All three have very different personalities although they all look like your average dude and they all bond over a bunch of shit especially mental illness and being queer (totally not projecting here. nope not at all)

Anyways enough rambling time to introduce them!!

In this post I’ll be talking about James, I’ll talk about Alan and Chris in other posts!

James Evans

JAMES, MY CHILD MT SWEET BABY BOY I WANT TO CRADLE THIS FULLY GROWN MAN AND KISS HIM ON THE FOREHEAD AND TUCK HIM INTO BED, HE IS MY BOY, MY SWEET CHILD, MY LVIE MY DARLING ANGLE CHILD I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR THIS MAN THAY I MADE UP

Okay now time to actually introduce him to yall!

James is your average mentally ill white boy, you can find millions of them in high school classrooms across America. He was born to a poor family and his parents were okayish but he basically fucked off and did his own thing like jon clark and then proceeded to be traumatised because I can’t let my OCs have nice things!

James is cis, he uses he/him, is the sort of guy who’s like “i do not understand what trans people are in the slightest but if anyone misgenders you i will push them into a river,” and yeah he’s pretty cool!! He’s gay and I basically coped with my internalised homophobia by projecting it onto him so yeah that fucked him up Badly.

I basically like invented him because I needed a gay character for a fic and then realised I accidentally gave him like, character traits, and now here I am over a year later still obsessed with this white guy I made up

Anyways him being gay is pretty central to his character, it reallt contributed to the alienation he faced growing up and this whole sense of being different from everyone else, it also made him more withdrawn but it also made him stronger and helped him learn how to endure the unendurable and being gay led to him making some reallt strong connections with some of his closest friends.

He has depression and anxiety and is some form of neurodivergent, probably adhd but he has no clue what is going on Up There except that he is Different and it fucked him up as a kid. He was bullied and teased a lot so he became reallt withdrawn and quite. He wasn’t like teacher’s pet gifted kid but he was decently smart and got through til tenth grade, then had to work to support his family.

Now, when he’s like 20ish, ✨ le amrev ✨ starts and this mf signs up to be a soldier because like idk why not. That’s his entire motto brosties hes literally just some guy. He wakes up and he does things and he’s gay and then he goes to sleep. That’s it that’s his life and that’s very sexy of him actually

Anyways he signs up for the army and so does our bestie Alan. Alan and James are very very different but they end up becoming besties and James being the gay idiot (affectionate) that he is ends up falling head over heals for this depressed mf and spends his days being gay for Alan! They’re very close friends and I haven’t decided when they met yet, childhood or teens or army but ah well

Anyways onto James’s personality! He is my sweet baby boy and I love him very much in case I have not made that clear! Anyways he is Anxious. A lot. All the time. And he’s a major people pleaser as well and he often puts others before himself to his detriment at times until alan is like motherfucker take care of yourself

James is also one of the victims of something I like to call the great depresso and he’s had it since he was like twelve but he’s just like vibing at this point. Like yeah I hate my life and I want to (redacted) sometimes but idk life’s pretty neat. Depression is shitty for him and he can be pessimistic at times

but at the end of the day he is an optimist and he always finds hope in *everything* to the point where alan is like brostie if you don’t stop being happy then you’ll cute mt depression and the one steady thing in my life will be gone and james is like well what about me and they have an awkward gay moment

ALAN AND JAMES’ DYNAMIC THO >>>>> i love them sm it’s unreal i will literally just think about them. like just have thoughts about them. like literally.

I’ll talk abt that later after I introduce Alan’s character!

OKAY NOW. AN IMPORTANT PART. JAMES AND LAURENS!!

James and John are like, besties and I love their dynamic so fuxking much. I would kill to see the two of them interact like i fucking love them so much you don’t even understand.

Anyways James and my interpretation of John are very very similar. Both very withdrawn very quiet very repressed desperate for affection sensitive affected really badly by homophobia internal and external dont trust very easily. They bond instantly and there is something there and they don’t really know what it is bevause it’s like they’ve never met anyone else so similar to them before. They’re like brothers.

The two of them have a quiet understanding. They can wander the woods for hours and say barely a few words but they understand, one heart can speak to another if they are designed to fit together. They met and they....clicked. It took time for both of them to learn to trust the other and realise the other wouldn’t betray them and report them for being gay but soon they’re the closest of friends. And then John fucking dies

Also like the dynamic between James and John is entirely platonic btw they don’t have any romantic feelings for each other, they’re like soulmates but platonic

Also I cannot understate how much I love James and John silently wandering the woods together. The woods are very very important for James and Alan and to John too and James and John find a shared peace in this. They just wander the woods for hours on end John lying down with his eyes closed head resting on a log James staring up at the canopy watching the sunlight filter through asking John why God invented sunlight John saying because he needed a place to put love.

Wait that was oddly poetic

Anyways James james james. James my sweet beloved boy. James james james anxious smiles hugging his best friend coming to terms with being gay nervously approaching people he thinks are cool laying in grass fields wooden cabins soft breezes James. James mt angel darling child. I would die for this man. *shakes you by the shoulders* DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM

#oh my god that was so fucking long #aryan talks #james evans #james alan and chris #james and alan #james and john #my ocs

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the-ghost-king · 4 years ago

Note

for the anon describe yourself date (but not date 4 u lol) thing

whats up, I am utterly obsessed with nico di angelo and the percy jackson serieses, I take too many AP classes, I probably have adhd, I like to read and write and I like drawing (but I'm not very good at it) I like dad jokes and I'm very much a dog person. I like History and I want to go into academia or psychology one day.

(Lmao, yeah "the dating not quite date thing" might be a good name for whatever this is exactly I'm doing here~ I appreciate your submission)

I've been obsessed with Nico di Angelo for years now so I get it... My obsession originally started because I was trans and just didn't know it and was therefore living precariously through Nico in some ways, but my love for him has kind of stuck over the years so I understand that. I'm glad we can share and obsession over the Percy Jackson series, gives us something to talk about when daily life falls flat!

I used to take lots of AP classes but my school doesn't offer so many anymore, and also the one I was supposed to take this year was essentially a freshman college pre-med class but I would have had to do in person to take the class and that wasn't an option (my entire family is high risk)... Me being barred from that class was the first time I've legitimately ever felt anger, before that point I'd always had anger and annoyance confused... I've taken a few AP history and science classes, and I'm currently in an AP lit class and will be next year, so I can understand the struggles of AP classes and I applaud you and hope you pass!

(I've passed all of my AP classes so far but I haven't earned the college points from any of them because I used to be a gifted kid but now I'm just depressed and happy with a B)

I wish I still read but often times I find myself getting stuck in spirals of having lots of things I bought and want to read only to reread something again and not finish it fully. As for writing although I haven't done anything creative in some 10 months I'm currently working on 2 different one shots and I'm very proud of that fact!

As for drawing, art takes time and it's not an easy process. I find myself often annoyed at not quite meeting the same levels of other people before I remember my digital art looks worse than my traditional and that most of the people I'm comparing myself to are 20-30 year old artists and I feel a little better; just look at some old art and see how far you've come, it definitely helps you feel better lol. Also! Although you shouldn't trace anything you're going to use for something, I do absolutely recommend tracing images when learning it helps teach coordination and stuff~

I'm overall generally an animal person, and although I kind of want to be a doctor or an author, I wish owning a farm made more money because I would love to be able to live on a farm and car for livestock. Dogs are super cool just like every animal, I like cats but I'm allergic :/

History, academia, and Psych are all really cool ngl. Although I've never wanted a history degree I absolutely understand why someone would, museums are tons of fun and I love learning weird information about the past... I'm personally a fan of 1800-1900's women's fashion, and WW2 European society (social norms, fashion, daily life, etc)- so yep! I also like Ancient Greece, 1000-1700s Europe, Ancient Japan, and pre-settlement America (Vineland, Cherokee and Iroquois, and Latin American first nations people). I would also love to talk for hours about psychology not going to lie, I've only been diagnosed with GAD but it's likely I have depression and adhd as well (some other side effects as well but that's not relevant right now)

Anyhow Anon, apologies for my rambling but I would take you out on a date or two as well, I could see us being close friends even if the relationship didn't quite work out! Thank you for the ask!

#dating not dating ask game #Anon

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a-s-levynn · 4 years ago

Text

2020 Year In Review

@bored-already thank you so much for tagging me! I saw you posting this and i didn’t get the note for the tag and i was just hoping you’ll tag me too in this because it looked fun! So thank you so much!

Disclaimer: i barely consumed any new media this year so most of these are rewatches/rereads. I’ll put an ‘R’ behind it if it is a re-anything.

putting it under read more, because it’s long

5 favorite movies I watched in 2020:

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1988) R

The Old Guard

We Need to Talk About Kevin R

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) R

Enola Holmes

5 favorite TV shows I watched in 2020:

Kindred: The Embraced

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and following (1984–1994) R (I love Jeremy Brett so much and he forever will be my Holmes)

Wizards: Tales of Arcadia (also the Trollhunters and 3Below rewatch)

Preacher R

Prodigal Son R

5 favorite songs of 2020 (not in any particular order):

Death By Rock And Roll - The Pretty Reckless

Silver Dimes - Thousand Watt Stare R

Wait and Bleed - Slipknot R

Stabbing in the Dark or The Nature of the Beast - Ice Nine Kills R (kinda hard to choose)

Far From Home - Sam Tinnesz R

5 top albums of 2020:

Negative Balance - Christian Martucci R

Hydrograd - Stone Sour R

Indestructible - Disturbed R

The Silver Scream - Ice Nine Kills R

Graveyard Shift - Motionless in White R

5 top books of 2020: I haven’t read much this year, mostly listened to audiobooks but as a librarian-on-paper i declare them books read because they are books and i got through them

America 51 by Corey Taylor (audiobook) R

The Rose and the Thorn by Michael J Sullivan (actually read) R (and the other Riyria books listened to as audiobooks)

With My Eyes Wide Open by Brian ‘Head’ Welch (audiobook) R

A Study in Scarlet by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (audiobook) R

Dracula, the Un Dead by Dacre Stoker (actually read, not finished yet but already loving it)

how did you spend your birthday in 2020?

The new expansion of the game i play came out on the exact day so i was online, playing with my friends and i barely got like 3 happy bdays and zero gifts so noone really aknowledged it. It was damn near perfect that way.

most memorable day in 2020:

Februar 4. by far. I finally got to see Slipknot live.

most memorable meal in 2020:

Aaahh... i don’t know? Nothing pops into mind at the moment?

new hobbies in 2020:

Starting to learn to write with my left hand again counts as a hobby? I definitely don’t do it as often as to be a regular thing but i do it semi constantly. But i haven’t started anything new. I really didn’t had much time by my own doing.. or more like failings.

5 good things from 2020:

Seeing Slipknot live (sorry i’ve got to put it here as well because reasons)

Starting to post ToA Wizards screenshots and meeting a lot of wonderful people because of it! I love you guys!

Joining the Riyria discord and being welcomed by the author himself, asking how i found his books. Like wth? He is so incredibly nice and genuinly curious about the fans and all. He is really nice and chill. I already considered him one of my favourite authors but like.. i think he actually is my favourite author.

My friend being and absolute angel and lending me a spare digital drawing pad for indefinite time so i can draw crappy things again

My vampire obsession slowly creeping back into the back of my mind and i’m so hapy about it

big lessons learnt in 2020:

I’m disturbingly unaffected in the long run for being almost completely alone for half a year, social distancing and keeping the corona-related curfew and other rules

My ADHD is definitely worse when my flatmate isn’t here to keep me in line

I’m still procrastinating way too recklessly and it should bite me in the arse soon enough

I’m way too much more of an asshole than i’d actually like to be so i really should work on that more than i already do

The past years i became more and more impatient and i have to work on that too

what you’re looking forward to in 2021:

Finally getting rid of universitiy for the rest of my life

Maybe being able to go to theatres again

Maybe being able to go to concerts again

ToA Rise of the Titans

Finally going home for a bit after half a year (in addition: maybe..maybe being able to meet my brother again later this year)

Tagging: aaaah i don’t know if anyone would want to do it? Maybe @isawhisperer , @nikibogwater and @littlerainsworld ? But no obligations as per usual of course! Or if any of you want to do this, feel free to @me because if i’d know you want to do it, i’d tag you!

#long post #tagging game #tag game

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combat-wombatus · 4 years ago

Note

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p

#coco answers #nonnie <3

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kainumbernine009 · 4 years ago

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I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.

I’m... really not okay.

And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.

I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).

I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is “right.”

Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.

But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.

And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.

And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.

I lost everything.

I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.

It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.

I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.

I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.

And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!

And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.

I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.

I ALWAYS try to do better.

In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.

The problem with some of y��all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.

I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.

So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.

So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.

So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.

I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.

I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.

So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.

So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.

Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.

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lil-demi-boy · 4 years ago

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I am absolutely lost in the sauce for Ryan, and my friend helped me plot out backstory for him and my asdfmovie insert Dan and it’s,,,, so soft n sweet,,,,,,,,,

It’s long, so I’ll put it under a cut

The two of them met as kids; they went to school together and were often paired up bc nobody else wanted to hang out with them. Both of them have ADHD but while Ryan talked too much about trains, Dan didn't talk at all, which creeped out the other kids

So Dan and Ryan became partners for every group project and Dan would just smile and nod and happily listen to Ryan infodump about trains all day

For a school gift exchange thingy at the end of their first year as friends, Dan crafted a little train engine modeled after Ryan's favorite train going off of only the info Ryan's told him over the year. While Ryan talked, he noticed that Dan scribbled all over the borders of his notes and projects, so he got Dan a cute little pencil pouch with a bunch of pencils in it

When they traded gifts, Ryan got a little extra one. After being silent since they met, Dan actually out loud said "thank you"

A while later, Ryan actually gets to spend the night at Dan's house, and his parents are just like "what?? The fuck?????" Bc they've never heard Dan talk so much. Granted he's not speaking paragraphs, but he's answering and saying "yes" and "no" instead of just nodding or shaking his hand

Then one time Dan gets to go over to Ryan’s house and he shows him all his trains, giving trivia on the types and where he got them and such, and Dan, remembering everything that Ryan has said, is able to actually say a few facts

Like Ryan's like "this is the bullet train!" And Dan's like "that's the one from Japan, right?" And Ryan's like "yeah!!!!"

Later on, they're in college and have been dating for a while, and since Dan's in a photography phase, they go on a trip around America to see all kinds of trains, and Dan gets good pics of the trains + a selfie of both of them with it if they can

On the search for the last train they need a picture of, it takes forever to find, but when they do, Ryan waits til they're about to take a selfie with the train to enact a special plan

Dan gets the camera set up and they get it taken, but when he checks it to make sure it came out right, he notices Ryan's holding something in the picture. He turns and sees Ryan getting on one knee with a box in his hand

For their actual wedding bands, Dan tracked down Ryan's favorite train engine and was able to get a good chunk of metal off of it, and he took it to a dude who melted it down and turned them into rings for both of them

Now when they need to stim, they fiddle with their rings!

In conclusion, I Love He

#idrk how to tag this?#my art #my writing #asdfmovie #i like trains #self ship #self shipping #self insert ship #self insert shipping #night train [ryan]

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tipsycad147 · 4 years ago

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Of Rest + Worth: Skullcap Plant Profile

September 30, 2020 / Alexis J. Cunningfolk

The two nervines - those plants that help bring the nervous system into balance - that I use the most are Milky Oat (Avena Sativa) and Skullcap (Scutellaria lateriflora). Nervines are an essential part of my practice both in my home and in my wider community. In traditional western herbalism they are some of the most accessible and first learned plants that we encounter as students because caring for our nervous system and its vast network of experience and function is foundational to a body as whole and holy philosophy of practice.

Skullcap is always a close friend of mine and a beloved teacher, but I have found myself turning towards them with greater frequency in the past few years and especially since we all began grappling with our most recent global pandemic. They are a generous teacher and are a powerful ally in some of our most modern maladies, so I hope that the following profile on their healing gifts be a source of inspiration to you.

Skullcap

(Scutellaria lateriflora)

Folk Names : Mad dog weed, madweed, Quaker’s hat or bonnet, blue pimpernel, helmet flower Planet : Moon, Saturn, Mercury, Neptune, Pluto Element : Water, Air Moon Phase : Dark Moon, Full Moon Zodiac Signs : Gemini, Virgo Parts used : Leaf and flower Habitat : Native to North America and Eurasia. Growing conditions : Full sun with plenty of space and not overly rich soil. Collection : Summer, before flowering. Flavour : Bitter Temperature : Cold Moisture : Dry Tissue State : Tense/Restriction, Hot/Excitation Constituents : B vitamins, calcium, potassium, flavonoids, tannin, scutellonin, stearic acid, linoleic acid, oleic acid.

Actions : Anodyne, antibacterial, antispasmodic, astringent, anxiolytic, bitter, brain tonic, cardiotonic, diuretic, febrifuge, vasodilator, hypotensive, nervine, sedative, spinal cord tonic.

Main uses : A powerful and deeply loved nervine within traditional western herbalism, Skullcap restores strength to an overwhelmed nervous system and accompanying symptoms of muscle spasms and nerve pain all while cultivating calm. For nervousness, fear, and a sense of being overwhelmed, Skullcap stimulates the brain to produce more endorphins in the system due to the presence of scutellarin in the plant which becomes scutellarein in the body. The herb is one of my favorite brain tonics as it not only helps us to develop our pathways of mental clarity, but acts deeply on the nervous system to bring about a sense of wellness and peace. In the USA we live in a culture that glorifies overwork (more on that in a minute) and being productive so Skullcap, with its message of balance and developing awareness between what we're thinking and what we're feeling, is an herb that I turn to often in my practice.

Skullcap is an excellent ally for those who suffer from insomnia, especially when there is difficulty shutting off the busy chatter of a restless mind - Skullcap helps promote healthy sleep patterns. Herbalist Thomas Bartram notes that Skullcap is a wonderful nervine "for workaholics compelled to work long hours with resulting mental exhaustion" and I can attest to this again and again not only for myself but for many folks that I work with. (1) The wisdom of Skullcap is that as a teacher they help us to reassess what pressures are appropriate and inappropriate in our work life, helping us to return not only to a state of mental peace but dignity in work as well.

(Am I suggesting that Skullcap is an anti-capitalist ally? Yes, yes I am.)

The herb can be used for a variety of nervous conditions and imbalances stemming from hyperactivity including ADHD, anxiety, hypertension, nervous exhaustion, hysteria, neuralgia, premenstrual tension, and the effects of withdrawal from caffeine. In general, Skullcap is a gentle ally for supporting folks grappling with addiction withdrawal as well as withdrawal symptoms from tranquilizers and antidepressants. In my experience Skullcap is also an excellent ally to turn to for social media, gaming, and the new forms of online addiction that have emerged in our modern culture. The herb can also be used in general recovery from colds and influenza as well as prolonged periods of stress.

I use it for cases of fear, including nightmares, and the herb has a balancing effect on energy and emotions, helping both pass unhindered and appropriately through the body. Indicators for Skullcap include the collapse of the ability to hide nervous tension - folks are just not able to keep from the world their fears and anxieties which only makes them more fearful and anxious. Skullcap folk have a particular gift for embodying their thoughts, dreams, and possibilities but that means they can get caught up in the abstract and struggle with being in their bodies. Daily small doses of the herb over many months can be a helpful reset and support a return to embodiment.

Skullcap can also be used in recovery from too much sun exposure, for indigestion with the presence of gas such as in the case of a nervous stomach, for headaches and dizziness, for fevers and colds. Irritability is a big indicator for the use of Skullcap as the plant helps us to release the build-up of frustration. There are not many traditional topical uses for Skullcap that I've come across but I do add the herb to anxiety and stress alleviating bath blends.

Magickal uses : Skullcap is an herb of oaths and binding contracts from business agreements to romantic unions. The herb is worn by lovers to ensure fidelity. Just as the herb is used to calm nervous conditions in the body, Skullcap can be used in rituals and spells for promoting peace and calm. During trancework, journeying, and astral projection, Skullcap helps keep the spirit secured to the body so that it is able to find its way back after the journey. The herb can also be used to help people ground in any situation, but especially post-meditation or after waking up from an intense dream or nightmare. Skullcap has an affinity for the Autumn Equinox, helping us transition from the bright half of the year to the dark half.

The Skullcap Personality : The Skullcap personality is easy to spot – they are intense, their muscles tense, and they are prone to overthinking. Often, their brow is furrowed, even when they are young children, intensely occupied in thought and their inner worlds. Energetic and quick, they can appear restless or overactive, which they sometimes are, but for Skullcap folk they are purposefully busy and often happily, if very quickly, engaged with whatever project or imaginative game they are pursuing. These are kids who enjoy problem solving in their play - whether puzzles or saving the galaxy from certain doom - but if they do tend towards more nervous energy and fears even if they appear brave and confident in their play and relationships. Skullcap folks can have a hard time feeling present in their bodies and can experience moments of disorientation whether dizzy spells or struggling to find their physical edges. They have to be very careful about frequent burnout and making sure that they take regular time off from their intense periods of thinking and doing The great gift of Skullcap folk is that they have an incredible capacity to remain focused on the theoretical, impossible, and seemingly unattainable, bringing all into the range of accessibility for themselves and their community. Skullcap helps them to access the balance necessary to help save the galaxy and also get enough rest.

Contraindications : Contraindicated during pregnancy. Dosage : 3 – 10 drops up to 3 times daily of a 1:5 alcohol extract. 1 teaspoon of herb per cup of water. Small doses are quite effective and recommended with Skullcap.

Recipe : My Favorite Tea for Easy Evenings + Self-Care

(1) Thomas Bartram, Bartram's Encyclopedia of Herbal Medicine (London: Constable & Robinson Ltd, 1998), 394.

I’ve written about Skullcap a lot so it was about time that I shared a full profile on them. They are featured on my list of herbs and essences for empaths and highly sensitive folks and are definitely one of my favorite eclipse season herbs.

If you’re looking for more plant profiles, come this way. May your the path with the plants be a verdant, wild, and illuminating one full of viriditas.

http://www.wortsandcunning.com/blog/skullcap-plant-profile

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dailyaudiobible · 4 years ago

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11/02/2020 DAB Transcript

Ezekiel 3:16-6:14, Hebrews 4:1-16, Psalms 104:24-35, Proverbs 26:27

Today is the 2nd day of November welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it's wonderful to be here with you today as it is every day. It's my oasis just like it might be your oasis coming in around the Global Campfire and letting all the other stuff go. And when is there never not other stuff to focus or obsess on or be brought down by. But just to come in here and know that I'm not alone in here, that we are in here together and then God's word is gonna speak and wash into our hearts and lives. That…yeah…that's my oasis too. And, so I’m so grateful that we can be in this together as we take the next step forward. So, let's do that. We’re reading from the Evangelical Heritage Version this week. We began the book of Ezekiel, another book of major prophecy. And again, the major prophets aren’t major because they're more important. The major prophets are…well…they’re called the major prophets because of the volume of material in these books. And then when finish the major prophets we’ll move into the minor prophets, which it doesn't mean they’re like the minor leagues of prophets just hoping one day the be called up to the big game. It's just…they’re shorter, more direct, or focused. And, so, we will get there when we get there, but we are here at the beginning of a new month and the beginning of the week or at least the beginning of the workweek. And, so, let's dive in. Ezekiel chapter 3 verse 16 through 6 verse 14.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the book of Hebrews today we encountered a very, very, very famous passage of Scripture. “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword. It penetrates even to the point of dividing soul and spirit, joint and marrow, being able to judge the ideas and thoughts of the heart.” This is a scripture so famous that we may have committed to memory, but have you…have you ever thought about what kind of instrument we are talking about when we are talking about how deep the Scriptures can penetrate? I mean, so like many of you have medical backgrounds, many of you have psychology backgrounds. Like what scalpel, what tool, what can go that deep? And even if we said we could go that deep, maybe not with a scalpel because how would we even find where soul and spirit divide? But if we could approach that in some way, in some kind of psychological capacity, like how long would it take to get there, to the essence, to the core of the true self? This is the claim that the author of Hebrews is making about the word of God. And we just talked about like, where do soul and spirit meet? Where would that be? How do you even find that place? Well…if the soul, as many believe is the seed of consciousness, like the awareness that you are you. And if it encompasses our emotional nature and our moral convictions. And if the spirit is…is what makes us alive, if it is the source of life, it is God within animating life itself then we’re talking about...I think we’re talking about as deep as you can talk about. Like this is at the level of consciousness. This is at the level of our instincts. This is at the level of…of love and feeling and emotion and conviction. This is where we make choices. This is where we decide what our bodies are going to do and then our bodies go and do those things that we've decided that they're going to do, whether they’re good things or bad things. According to Hebrews this is how deep the word of God can penetrate. So, it just…it cuts through all the crap that we invent to cope and it cuts through all of the façade of personality that we create to have some sort of place in this world and to cope and move around. And it goes below, beneath, under all of the wounding of our lives, all of the things that have pulled us into isolation. It gets under or behind all of that to a place that's true and speaks there. It speaks truth there. That's why we’re showing up here every day. I mean that's why we come around this Global Campfire because the word of God speaks deep things into our deepest truest self and over time, that changes things. We might call this transformation. We might call this sanctification, if we want to be all theological. But what's happening is that we’re being changed. Our identity is coming into alignment with the nature of our Father as we have been adopted into His family as His sons and daughters. And according to Hebrews, the Scriptures guide that process. What a joy.

Prayer:

Father what a…what a relief. Thank You for this gift. Thank You for giving this to us. Thank You for every day bringing Your word into our lives in a way that we need coming at us from every angle. And we’ve spent a year in Your word, and You have come at us from every angle, encouraging and rebuking us in ways that we simply can't hide because You’re touching every aspect of our lives. And, so, we are grateful for that and we are deeply committed to finishing this year well as we move forward into all that You have yet to speak to us. We’re hearing loud and clear. It's been a disruptive year and it's been very, very difficult on many levels but such a reset on so many fundamental levels in so many primary ways. You have done the hard work of inviting us into starting over in a lot of ways, and we are thankful for that and we look forward to all that You have yet to speak, not only in the days and weeks ahead of this year, but for the rest of our lives. So, we are thankful for Your word and we are thankful that it is something that can get to the core beyond our own deception of even ourselves, it can get the core. And, so, we commit ourselves to continuing the relationship that we have with the Scriptures, allowing it to speak to us each day. Come Holy Spirit we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

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And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, it’s the little red button at the top, you can't miss it or there are numbers that you can call. If you're in the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to dial. If you are in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 is the number to dial. And if you are in Australia or that part of the world 61-3-8820-5459 is the number to call.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello DAB family this is Michael from Fort Worth Texas. I just wanted to call in today basically to encourage and be thankful. And I’m thankful for Brian Hardin and this whole DAB family community all the people behind the scenes that work hard to put this on and I am thankful for all those people and China for her…her effort on the Chronological side and all the people that do the different languages and all that stuff going on. This whole app is an awesome thing and I’m just thankful for that. And I would encourage anybody who doesn’t contribute to challenge themselves to give monthly to the DAB to keep the servers spinning, to keep the updates coming and keep this great ministry viable from now on, from today to the future for…for everybody and for anybody new that would come on board. Also just wanted to say thank you for all the faithful prayer warriors who call in diligently daily and all the new ones we got now are very awesome and appreciate all you guys your encouragement your words of wisdom that you share with us your songs love all that stuff and just thankful for all you guys. Stay safe. Love you all. Again, Michael from Texas. Stay safe. Love you.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family. First of all, I want to say thank you very much. This is Jane Roos from Nebraska. I…I want to say that when Brian says, “don’t shoulder your problems alone”, believe him. This is a praise report. From the moment that you speak out your prayer request to the moment that you realize that God is holding you and this fellowship is praying for you, it is phenomenal what God is doing because I have experienced an amazing, amazing transformation in so many ways. And, so, let me just say thank you. I can’t even go into everything that has happened in detail and I won’t. First of all, let me say you are all loved. How does my daddy love me? With all his heart no matter what I do forever and always. I borrowed that from a pastor. I have been experiencing ADHD in a big way. My conscious mind always processes…only processes 40 bits per second but my subconscious processes 40 million bits per second. It’s scary. My mouth won’t say what my head wants…my head needs to say. I just want you all to know that you are loved.

Hi family I’m calling in today to pray for Brian from Austria, his first time calling today on October 29th he called in for prayers and support. Brian I’m so thankful that you called in and you shared your heart with us about your wife being unfaithful. And you are so right. You can’t do this alone. Many of us have been where you are in some form of betrayal in our marriage one way or another and I just want to encourage you. I want you to know I’m going to be praying for you and your wife for a long time. As many of us have experienced healing in our marriages, we know that it’s possible for you. So, Father, Holy Spirit we just lift up Brian and his wife to You. We thank You that we all come to the foot of the cross, needing forgiveness restoration healing, places in our lives that have been broken. And sometimes that causes us to not be faithful in areas of our lives or our marriage. So, Father I thank You for complete healing for Brian and his wife. I thank You for restoration, healing, intimacy. I thank You that You would encourage Brian to pursue his wife as they were first dating and coming together that You would pour out Your love and Your love is there. I know…I know it’s already there…

Hello DABbers. Just reaching out to say hello and follow up with another thanks. I’m just thankful for all of you, thankful that Kingdom Seeker Daniel has a great idea for the month of November and that’s for everyone just to call in thanks. I mean I could go on and on and it’s just crazy but, you know, we have so much to be thankful for every day no matter what’s going on, like just whose we are, God, all that He’s done. We could just go on and on about all He’s done. And then, all that He’s doing and then all that He will do. It’s just…to focus our mind on those things and just praise Him, I want to do that. I love living that way, but I want to do that with all of you. So, it’s just an encouragement and to let you know that I’m thankful for you every day. I don’t call in to say it but I am. So, thank You Jesus. Thank You, Lord for all that You are and all that You give. You just give so much. We are so blessed and may we just focus on that every day, but especially next month maybe inspire us Holy Spirit to just do that together. That would be really cool. Love You all. Bye.

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