#havent thought abt it in a while but it is still like in my top five things abt the program that Got Me

[jrueships]

Jabari, Alpey wants cuddles to celebrate their hard win.

HELDMSKNZ THIS IS NOT AN OPTION, IT IS A DEMAND

YEA, JABA!! YOU HEARD THE MAN!! IT'S CUDDLE TIME <3 !!!

[arolesbianism]

I wanna take a crack at making some fake screenshot graphics for my Sif Odile duo loopers au but I do not feel confident enough in my ability to mimic isat's art style and I also have a crippling fear of drawing backgrounds

[cosmicrhetoric]

hera's little bit of wolf 359 episode 30 "mayday"..........................

[opal-owl-flight]

We've...won. What comes after, but to live?

Grandfest is giving me so many feels both as a player AND for my sploon plots. Holy shit. Im so, so happy that I was here to experience it. I missed out the last two fests. But not this one!!!

This fest made me have actual fun playing the game again. I was spending most of it vibing even in the middle of matches (but still doing my part dont get me wrong) -- even when I lose I dont get upset!! Bc the vibes were just that immaculate!!

Heres to more!! I may be team present, but I cant wait to see whats next!!!

Anyway. That aside. I cant stop thinking abt how 3 feels about all of it.

They easily win most fights, but a 333x in those top ranking matches is a FEAT, even for them!!!

Theyre there on the stage, getting their commemorative pics with their old team.

Just like old times.

And the crowd's going wild around them. The lights, the sound, the music in their hearts.

The smiles of 4 and 8 in the crowd, catching their attention. Octavio and Cuttlefish standing side by side near them. Octarian, Inkadian and Splatlandian crowds, all in harmony with the current song. A victory in many fronts -- theyre assured even that the salmonids they have contact with are thankful for their help in stealing most of the eggs back.

Theyre glowing, they feel warmth, unlike any other theyve felt before. Its as if its burning whatever melancholy that usually hangs around them.

Theyre smiling. Even in front of everyone they cant help but smile and laugh and cheer over such a hard-won victory on all fronts.

And yknow whats killing me?

Theyre thinking...theyre thinking with confidence, with strength behind the thought. A thought they havent thought of for a long, long time.

I want to see more of this! I want to live long enough to see this grow!

I want to BE here!

I want to live!!!

------------

*Lil design note: winners of 100x and 333x fights get a commemorative tattoo after the victory. Its up to the player if they want it to be permanent or not. 3 chooses to keep it permanent, so theyll be reminded of this day.

This day where they had a taste again of their life before it was taken away from them. This day where they were allowed to live, to rest, to just have fun.

Its to remind them that even deep in the trenches of their duty, they had a day like this. And they will have more of it, as long as they hang on.

**They still...regress at times, when they feel the weight heavy on their shoulders. But theyre not completely hopeless. They usually just need to be sat down and be given tenderness for a while. Be assured and reminded that theyre not the monster they believe themself to be.

[markiemelon]

hii! i just found out about your blog! i wanted to request something but i also wanted to compliment your work! you have the writing style that pulls me in so that i really read the story word for word (most of the time i just skim through the entire fic to just get to the ending lol) so thank you for existing and writing these stories. they feel like a big hug! keep up the good work, i will definetly read your work in the future and catch up on your other work that i havent gotten to yet!

as for my request haha, i was wondering if you could write for jeno? im a sucker for soft jeno, but i cant really find anything that isnt wayyy too cringey. tbh soft jeno is very rare i feel like *sobs*

~

like, jeno is a really cold boyfriend who doesnt really show his affection, and even when he does, he doesnt admit it. for example, when he prepares a gift for you, he puts it in a place where a lot of people can access, so that you dont know that its him. haha and then when you ask him abt it, he pretends he has no idea what ur talking abt.

the only time that jeno is soft and cuddly is when ur abt to sleep or when hes sleepy.

can u js write abt jeno being exceptionally cuddly one day in bed, and the reader is really surprised?

also maybe jeno confesses abt sweet things hes done for reader in the past?

if ur not interested, please ignore! i know i wrote a lot haha, sorry.

bye!

@dungiewungie you are the sweetest. im so flattered. thank you for reading my stories!!!! thank youuu!!! so much!!!!! ♡ ♡ ♡

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pillows

——————————————(.◜◡◝)——————————————

☆ genre. flufffff + no warnings

☆ pairings. jeno x gn!reader

{11:55 pm ~ ♡}

you and jeno didn’t live together, but somehow he always found a way back to your place. he loved staying with you. he loved the way that the pillows smelled of your shampoo and how your perfume lingered on the silky sheets…

side by side, you and jeno lied in your bed, heads sunken into your pillows.

“yn, why do you have so many pillows? we can barely fit on this bed.”

he was right, you did have way too many pillows, but you liked piling them up and burring yourself to feel cozy.

he tried to throw some off to the side of the bed but you wouldn’t let him. “noo. i need all of them.”

jeno rolled his eyes and pretended to act annoyed. he shuffled around a bit to get comfortable despite drowning in the fluffiness around him. the two of you lied in silence for a moment.

“talk to me.” he said.

“talk to you?” you answered.

“yeah. it helps me sleep.” his voice was quiet.

your lips stretched past your teeth as you thought of all the things you could talk to jeno about. you figured now would be the perfect time to confront him about something since he couldn’t really go anywhere...

“remember that time you got jealous when my secret admirer sent me flowers?”

“yeah… “ he said shyly. “also..i gave you those flowers.” he confessed, a bit hesitantly. “that was before we started dating so i was kind of embarrassed.” jeno rubbed the nape of his neck.

he avoided looking at you; he was just too flustered to.

hearing that made your cheeks light up. “jenooooooo!” you wanted to give him the biggest hug, but you knew he hated your cuteness aggression. so you just told him how adorable he was, and went back to drifting off to sleep…

“yn. come here.”

your head perked up as you gladly placed yourself the closest you could to jeno while still lying side-by-side.

“no” he said, “here.”

jeno put his arm around your back, and pulled your head to rest on top of his chest. “i meant here.”

you didn’t say anything, you just giggled to yourself as you thought about how funny it was that out of all the pillows you had to choose from, he was the softest one.

thank you thank youuu for requesting! i haven’t had much time to write so I’m sorry this took soooo long. i really hope you like it ♡

-🍉

[girlboybug]

California Gurls

"warm, wet n’ wild, there must be something in the water."

or the one where joel hasn't been to california in god knows how long, but, one thing's for certain. he loves, california girls.

what’s playing 🎧 : california gurls by katy perry

pairing : joel miller x cali!girl reader

word count : 2k

CONTENT WARNINGS : SMUTTY HEADCANON LIST, age gap, public sex, light themes of exhibitionism, heavy petting, bikini fetish, is that a thing? it is now. unprotected sex, breeding kink, creampies, oral f!receiving, blowjobs, doggy style, riding, multiple orgasms, dacryphilia, switch coded joel and reader, joel still leans towards top/dom, edging, forced orgasms, drunk/high sex

TRIGGER WARNINGS : umm i honestly can't think of any besides sex under the influence of both alcohol and weed but neither joel and reader are sober so its all around consensual as always :) if i missed anything plz lmk!

a/n : hi baes, im sorry that ive been slacking on uploading, ive been a bit burnt out, and i recently just got a job! so i fear my uploading may become more scarce but i will try my best to not let it get too bad.

ive had this au in mind for awhile n thought a headcanon list would b perfect hehe and i might make it a full fic in the future. i have a very special fic im almost done with and then a few more requests, thank u to those patient ppl who requested it, i promise i havent forgotten abt u!!! anyways sorry this is so long kjjdsjhdjsj plz enjoy and if there is anyway i can make my writing more inclusive pleaaase let me know!

joel didn't even want to be in california, but it was on the way to where him and ellie needed to go, and it was supposed to be just them two passing through, nothing less, nothing more.

but then, and of course there's always a but, on the journey both joel and ellie stumble upon a beach.

a beach with you.

culture shock for joel, like immediately. it's almost like the virus never spread to california, specifically their beaches. girls girls girls, all clad in the skimpiest bikinis and swimwear he's seen in years - or ever actually.

ellie convinces him to stay, just for a little while, and of course, he obliges, begrudgingly. the begrudging feeling and furrow in his brows slowly melts away when he's left to unwind in the warm sand, wandering eyes traveling across the beach's very underdressed inhabitants.

he lets ellie play in the water, he's more than content enjoying the view surrounding him in the sand.

you’re quick to notice the newcomers, instantly excited upon meeting new people

you make it real difficult for joel to maintain eye contact while he talks to you, he feels like he needs to physically hold his eyes in place so they don't drift down to the way your tits spill out your bikini top

he can smell the salty water, the semi sweet and unforgettable scent of sunscreen and a hint of coconut on you, and it's honestly mind numbing

and when ellie begs to stay in california for a bit longer than they planned, he surprises both himself and ellie when he jumps to say yes.

NSFW UNDER THE CUT

ੈ✩‧₊˚

you make joel never wanna leave california. when it's dark out, with the beach left empty and void of half naked and sunburnt people, it becomes a space for just you and joel.

he loves fucking you right on the sand, loves setting up your bright pink beach towel across the sandy floors just to push your face down onto it, smushing your cheek until your pretty lips pucker and sob his name when he bullies the fat head of his cock into your fluttering hole.

it was so easy getting joel to crack and fuck you, it didn't take much convincing, if anything, it took more convincing on his part to not bend you over upon immediate introductions. but when he finally lets himself have you, it's all he ever wants to do

it was a massive shock that he could keep up with your stamina, he's like what, 56? and you're a 20 something year old full of life and energy and yet he was giving you a run for your money, almost making you tap out when he forces a third orgasm of the night out of you

he loves to drag his tongue across your skin, loves to sink his teeth into the junction of your neck and shoulder when he fucks you from the back, he loves tasting the remnants of the ocean that lingers on your skin

loves to sneak off with you behind the lifeguard tower, and he loves hearing you plead with him to give you some attention.

he loves to make you beg for it. he loves pushing those tiny bikini bottoms that cover not enough, just to lap and lap and lap, at your soaked cunt.

loves to eat it til you cry, he doesn't stop until you have to push him off. he loves it when he gets to flip you on your tummy, he pulls your hips up and buries his face in your pussy, licking you up until your legs shake and can barely keep you upright, but it's okay, he's always there to keep you in place.

you enjoy feeding his ego when you tell him he's the best you've ever had, which isn't a lie

but the way he forces your knees near your ears when you whine about how his cock is the best, and the way he plunges in so deep you can feel him kiss your cervix, makes you feel like you'd say anything else he wanted to hear to get him to keep fucking you like that

sometimes he just can't keep his hands off you, so he'll pull you away to the secluded part of the beach, and make you ride him

oh you love riding him. you like feeling the slight shift in dominance that occurs when you get on top. you love pushing his chest down, letting his back connect to the sand, tons of little grains getting lost in his hair when you keep him down like that, fucking him the way you like, using his fat cock like your personal toy. 

you don’t care about how sensitive he is, you make him take your tight cunt, he's the one that wanted this, so it's only fair he finishes what he started after all.

it's your turn to only get more turned on when you see his pretty brown eyes line with tears when you're fucking him through his second orgasm back to back.

you're insatiable when you're like this, drunk on his cock, and drunk on the power trip of being in control. you’re unable to stop your hips from rocking down onto his, guiding his fingers to your needy clit.

you lower yourself down to his chest, kissing his freckled shoulders, teeth grazing over his collarbones when he's whimpering in your hair, feeling too much everywhere but he doesn't tell you to stop, he takes everything you give him

loves pulling you into his chest when you've ticked him off, he keeps your back to his front, he spreads your legs and keeps them open with his ankle hooking around your's.

his strong bicep, that you love, keeps you in a loose chokehold, his free hand teasing your soaked cunt, bringing you to the edge of release just to rip it away from you. he loves kissing your sunkissed skin, feeling the warmth from being in the sun all day while he whispers for you to, shut the fuck up and behave.

his fingers circle around your clit, switching between that and burying his thick digits in your aching hole, scoffing when you sigh and whimper in relief when he pushes his middle finger in

doesn't let you finish despite your pleas and cries

he's so mean when he's mad at you. :(

he takes your bikini bottoms, pocketing them away and tossing you his flannel if you're gonna complain that much about being bare even though you're practically naked 99% of the time.

you immediately go home, throw his flannel over a pillow and hump it, trying your best to focus on the scent that wafts from his flannel, and lingers on your skin, pretending the friction you felt was from his fingers

you love getting back at joel, like when you're sitting at the tiki bar, and he's trying his best to converse with your friends

you'll snake yourself in his arms, hopping onto his lap while he sits in the barstool, accidentally letting your wet bikini bottoms soak his drying swim trunks

you also unintentionally squirm around in his lap, 'not realizing' you're grinding your ass right on his hardening cock, looking up at him in faux concern when he starts stuttering and stammering mid-convo

he grips your hips, his fingers digging into your warm skin, silently warning you

you don't heed his warnings, naturally, and instead hop off his lap, announcing to the group that you've decided to go for another session in the water, leaving him to awkwardly swivel his barstool away as to not flash his aching erection beneath his swim trunks to all your friends.

of course joel always gets the last word, he's pulling you away from the water, tugging you along with him by the rocks near the shore the furthest from everyone

little girl is gonna learn today, he mutters to himself, and you have to hide your squeals of excitement, knowing he's gonna fuck you stupid

and that he does, he makes you work for your orgasm, and that’s only if he feels nice enough in the moment 

he has you on your knees in front of him while he leans his back against the sturdy surface of a large rock, his hand resting behind your head while he grunts for you to take every inch of him down your throat 

s’what girls like you are good for, i’nt that right baby? 

your cunt flutters at his words, he always makes you tingly from just speaking 

when he’s about to cum he can never decide which is better, seeing your pretty face covered in his seed or watching you swallow it down without a single flinch 

before you, joel hadn’t done anything like this in like, 20+ years, so when you think you’re done, you’re not. 

his cock stays hard sometimes, and he’s more than willing to use you over and over until he’s satisfied, not that you complain, you’re always so pliable and compliant for him. 

he sits you up, pulls you into his lap and makes you put it in, loves watching his fat cock disappear into your greedy cunt, sucking him in and wrapping around him like a tight glove. 

holds your hips down and keeps you in place while he fucks up in to you, tugs your bikini top down and sucks on your chest, tongue messily dragging all along your salty skin, teasing your sensitive nipples with his teeth 

sometimes he’ll play nice, he’ll rub your sweet little clit, cooing and kissing at your neck and cheek when you collapse in his chest, rutting on his cock while he fucks you through your all consuming orgasm. 

buries his face in your neck to breathe in your scent when he’s close, whispers to you if you’ll let him cum inside, and you always say yes 

grunts a few utterances of your name when he cums in you, he slowly fucks his cum inside you, the wet sound from your grinding bodies turns him on more than he can even describe, addicted to how it feels and how it sounds 

loves to slowly pull out, and watch his cum leak from your hole, loves knowing he’s the first and only one, who gets to do that to you. 

and when he’s at your small place, with ellie being at a girl her age’s place for the night, he unwinds in your bed with you, passing a blunt back and forth

you give him sips from whatever fruity alcoholic drink you’ve concocted that night, giggling mid kiss when you taste the mixture of a mango pineapple drink and weed on his tongue 

and he always gets the munchies on nights like this, but not for food

loves devouring your pussy when he’s high, he’ll make his way on top of you, eyes ablaze, mouth parted with low breaths, eyeing you down like you’re his prey 

you try to tease him by closing your legs, but that’s fine, he can work with that

he grabs your ankles, taking them in one big hand, pulling you down towards him before he lifts your legs up by your ankles, smirking to himself when he pushes your panties to the side and dives in tongue first 

he can eat you out for hours, he’s just so hungry, and he can’t get enough of you

and when you’re shaking, trembling, struggling to breathe, he loves watching the violent jerk your body makes when he pushes his cock inside your messy and soaked hole, loves holding you down while you shake beneath him from your burning orgasms you just had back to back 

fucks you nice and slow, wants you to feel every single inch, and every single vein inside of you, wants you to know who’s fucking you this good

and when he can’t hold off on leaving california any longer, he tries to convince you to come with him. and in the time that the pair has stayed in california, ellie has grown to like you, and naturally joins him in his pleas, begging you to come along with them. 

and as much as you want to go along with them, you can't get yourself to leave. california’s your home, and it could be their’s too, you try to tell them, but you both know where the other belongs. 

when he leaves, he kisses you hard enough that you pray it bruises into your lips for the rest of your life. 

you make him promise to try and come by at least every summer, and with a wide smile, he says he can do that. 

[antiv3nom]

Bedman (Romeo)

omg havent had an excuse to talk abt bedman in a hot minute thank u anon...

favorite thing about them:

i love the tragedy of his story arc... that feels like a weird thing to say but its the first thing that came to mind! just. look. the road to hell paved with good intentions bit taken to the extreme really works here!!! the idea that he remembered the name of every person he ever killed because he was under the impression he could bring them all back, only to have the rug pulled from under him? hurts me! in the best way!!!

other than that i do enjoy his design, both romeo himself and the bed :] i wanna give my bedman cosplay another try sometime for sure, it didnt work out for various reasons but i have most of the components and would enjoy cosplaying him fr in the future

least favorite thing about them:

i think i dont really dislike anything about the way bedman is written in the source material strongly enough to point it out here? i think my main gripe is the way the fandom treats him to either extreme, like theres "bedman did nothing wrong ever" people and "bedman is horrific" people and i wish both camps would chill out and recognize hes like. a complex character? but i do think most people do this already which i can appreciate

favorite line:

im a little obsessed w his win line against may in xrd

"I do not understand humans who are motivated by love. A person is born, lives for a number of years, and interacts with up to eight billion people. What proof is there of something they can't even define?"

bc like. buddy. you dont even realize it. YOURE driven by love. all this shit wasnt just for yourself but it was for delilah too!!! fuck!!! you dont even see it as love you see it as necessary because shes that important to you!!! and dont even get me STARTED on the bed in strive and how its still running because of his last minute code additions which almost act as the last part of his will to protect delilah. GAHHHH

brOTP:

BEDMAN AND AXL INTERACTIONS. PLEASE. PLEASE. their dynamic is so interesting as characters with such fascinating ways of interacting with the world...gah. GAH. and no one fucking talks about it!!!

OTP:

sinbed. must i wlabo.

ok but i will, im not as into them as i was like a year ago but i still do really enjoy their dynamic. sin being such a beacon of hope and being so willing to see people as good contrasted with a post-xrd living bedman (bc all my sinbed stuff exists within au but im having fun out here so sue me) seeing himself as inherently evil due to his actions despite his intentions and believing no one would ever care for him? it hits for me

nOTP:

i dont know of anything off the top of my head that ive seen for him??? nothing prevalent at least.

actually on second thought i think ive seen like one instance of bedman and ram in a romantic sense, and that im not a fan of but i guess i could see the appeal, just not my thing

random headcanon:

this motherfucker would have gotten heated in some internet forums or wiki talk pages, DEDICATED to accuracy out here and he WILL fight you about it

unpopular opinion:

not entirely certain i have one? i think the "bedman while flawed is not actually a terrible person and was doing his best given his extremely fucked up circumstances" is a pretty cool take by this point for most people

i think the only thing i have is that my interpretation of bedman has always been as like a young adult rather than a kid but like i dont really have a concrete opinion on that and i totally understand people who do see him as a kid like its entirely understandable to do so

song i associate with them:

other than his character themes, its GOTTA be dramaturgy by eve, which just. it gives the vibes. read the english lyrics it will make sense i prommy

favorite image of them:

THE EEPER...

OTHER than this one its more an animation but his 6p in xrd is so silly i love it so bad...and for a more serious option his instant kill is really cool

[sukunafuka]

1: you were my first ever ask so i love you extra extra— still remember how giddy i got when i read it. i’ve had an unfinished draft for puppy!nanami and then one for a pt 2 of puppy!satoru too for a while..but i never felt like it was as good as the first one i wrote so i havent posted it.. still thinking on it but im so glad you liked it bby<3

2: yaaa i will continue writing on wattpad as well, it’s just easier for me to post quick one shots on tumblr rather than taking the time to plan out every chapter and where it’s headed for the ones in the future with watty and ao3. but i promise i’ll get back to it as soon as im able.. i actually worked on part of a new chapter for each of my fics on wattpad recently so maybe soon!! <3

3: pretty sure you submitted this when i first first started posting a few months ago and lemme just say— it made me giggle and kick my feet. how sweet are you<33 im so grateful you enjoy my work and you motivated me to continue writing fr.<3

4: honestly, puppy!satoru will always be my top favs ive ever written. might be tmi but i def wanked it to that more than a few times 💀 so happy you found as much enjoyment in it as i did lmaoo thank you sm<3

5: so i’m pretty sure you’re talking about my part 1 yuji pussy eating fic and by now the part 2 is already up and i’m working on part 3. thank you sm- i really appreciate the praise fr it keeps me writing <33

6: i thinkkkk you’re talking about the first one i posted being puppy!satoru and i’m assuming by post another one like that you mean a part 2? but feel free to lmk if not, i have 2 unfinished drafts for puppy!satoru and puppy!nanami but they haven’t met my expectations since the first one was so delicious. but hopefully i can get out a part 2 soon bc that first one is still one of my favs ive ever written. makes me so happy to know it’s one of ur favs too<33

7: ANNONNNN when i tell you best friends dad toji was one of the reasons i even started writing in the first place…. i wanna make more about him and write him better so thats DEFINITELY gonna be a long fic that’ll come out eventually. i thought no one rly was into that one so it means a lot that you are. i am so hornee for best friends dad toji lol. i have a soft spot for that one so thank you so much for enjoying it<33

8: TEHEH you read all my fics at that point?! *crying shitting throwing up* i’m so happy to know that you love my writing. ur comment made me jump up and down like an idiot when i first read it and again rn lol <33

9: puppy!satoru shall come eventually since i have a few unfinished drafts for him and puppy!nanami but not sure when.. keep an eye out bc the way i write is rly odd and sporadic so who knows when lol. the ‘pleek’ killed me btw lmaoo. so glad you enjoyed it<3

10: more puppy!satoru shall come eventually xx if i can finish the draft i have for it.. and the puppy!nanami one too. you’re so sweet saying i wrote it well im abt to kiss you on your salivating mouth lol. thank you for reaching out to tell me you enjoyed it<3

11: so like what if i told you im about to pounce on you for saying that. i literally squealed like an idiot when i first read that and again rn. when i first started posting i was nervous but ur ask is one reason i felt more comfy. thank you so much for enjoying my work<3

12: lmaoo suka meaning bitch in polish is so fitting. i’m def sukuna’s bitch and his sucker foreva lol. crazy bc i initially was super into gojo when i first read and watched jjk (who isn’t) but my luv for sukuna snuck up on me. anyways ily thank you for telling me that— so cute<33

[mugiwara--ya]

heyyy hi a little life/med update !!

ive been super super busy these past couple weeks w a ton of socialization etc and ngl i think i burned myself out lol last night after we got back home from a con (and the bar stop after it) i had a massive shutdown that lasted hours and im still reeling from it, but ANYWAYS!! med update med update wooo

so! on top of the lifesaving bupropion ive been taking all year & the eszopiclone for sleep i finally !! got put on something for my ocd, lets give it up for fluoxetine to join my beautiful, beautiful cocktail, mwah 💖💝💗💕💞💓

i know it supposedly takes a few weeks to fully Work but im already feeling a MASSIVE difference right off the bat, like yesterday i was at the mall and i ✨ touched the escalator's handrail ✨ i was literally so excited i kept looking at my hand going yoooooo im DOING it im making it HAPPEN like even my friends congratulated me on it kdsfjhakjg it felt silly but massive at the same time lol and of course i still immediately disinfected my hands but the important thing is that I Did It

and idk its like!!! i knew it was BAD like especially these past few months its been just. VIOLENTLY out of control but god the absolute relief ive been feeling is making me feel like i was still grossly underestimating it, it had completely taken over my life. right now its like, i encounter any random trigger and i brace myself for the anxiety spiral to come and then it DOESN'T and its so ??? like i still have The Thought but then i just go "ok" and dismiss it like an annoying notification and thats IT, while the last time i was on therapy i literally described my ocd as having hundreds of those cymbal-banging monkey toys of different sizes just sitting there in my brain Waiting and every single time i got triggered one of them would start losing its absolute shit - for example if im at the supermarket, on top of the everything about existing as an autistic person at the supermarket, thered be like a dozen of them constantly going ALERT ALERT CONTAMINATION CONTAMINATION EEK EEK DANGER DANGER BANG BANG BANG- and now the monkeys r GONE. get turned into mostly-dismissable phone notifs, idiots !!!!!!!!!

the only monkey im willingly keeping!!!!! is the low poly 3d model of monkey d. luffy constantly rotating in my brain <3 kfngskjdfs

also like i still do like, say, my cleaning rituals when i get back home, but idk i just. i feel Normal about it?? like calmly wiping my phone bc phones r Gross and not bc i literally see a green film of Germs And Various Pathogens enveloping it lol. anddd i havent been attacked by violent intrusive thoughts in a minute !! lets see if it stays that way. im generally super sensitive to medications too so im on low doses of everything and i wanna keep it like that lol so heres to hoping it keeps goin like this so i dont have to up my dose 8)

uhh thats about it ! having a bit of Personal Issues tm at the moment tho but im so relieved abt my ocd i kinda have the bandwidth to deal with them lol. i prolly jus need some sleep quiet and to not be perceived by anyone for a solid week.

in other lighter and unrelated news my queue is completely empty rn so it'll be just a liiiittle quiet around here for a bit but ! yeah. also i just watched the latest op anime episode and urhgrhghrghrgh it was so good hhh <3333 so yah if you read this whole thing i am giving you a little kiss on the forehead, mwah, hope you have a great week !!

[illumiiiz]

heyy!! could you tell me about your killjoy selfship?? :D

HI!! <3 omg hi akfhabsakdn my whole body just perked up like a dog’s does when you say “walk” or “treat”

yes absolutely thank you so much for asking!!! truly I was never actually expecting someone to ask me abt that so I apologize for the late response; I had to organize my thoughts in a way that would actually make sense to other people lol. and I don’t know a ton of killjoy lore anyway so this may or may not make sense but!! oh well!!

soooo this is my killjoysona :DD I have yet to actually draw and color her properly but she’s basically me with cooler hair (she dyes it any time she can find new colors), better style, a dirt bike, and a ray gun. and a cooler boyfriend. her name’s Carbon Cavity. like I said she’s me but awesomer <3

here’s a sketch I did just for you + a picrew I made a while back (that’s as close as I could get w it lol but I really need to properly draw her soon,, aah)

anyways,, so the self ship part comes in when she’s dirt biking around and comes upon an old abandoned department store or something and is like, oh hey. I’ll just pop in there and raid some shit real quick. little did she know the Fab Four got there first and already figured out the building was all locked up so ghoul rigged up a bomb to blow the doors open and uh. had already taken cover for it to go off and it went off when she was like 50ft from the door 😀 so the four came back out and lo! a body on the ground! so they’re freaking the fuck out and she gets back up like wtf just happened?? and the four are like OH GOD ARE YOU OKAY and ofc she can’t hear a thing but her ears ringing bc a fucking bomb went off in her face basically so she ends up hanging around w them in the store til her ears stop ringing quite so much.

so she’s deaf in one ear from that lmao.

but anyhow she ends up following the four back to the diner cuz she’s just been going around crashing wherever anyway, might as well right? 🤷‍♀️ but turns out she’s cool and they’re cool and they all like each other so much she ended up never leaving hehe,, aaaand she liked fun ghoul the best <33 even tho she still brings up him blowing up a bomb practically in her face <333 (“I DIDNT FUCKING KNOW YOU WERE THERE!!”)

like she flirts by being mean (affectionately ofc) so originally she would just keep bringing up the bomb incident to ghoul to make fun of him kinda,, like she’d volunteer for first watch one night and he’s like no carbon you had it last night, I’ll take it this time it’s fine. and she’s all like “mmmm sorry bub I can’t hear ya that well… had this close encounter with some guy’s bomb going off, see? so I’m deaf in one ear now” and he’s just like 😑 … fuck you carbon. and she just giggles but she lets him take the watch anyway. but yeah so they mess with each other a lot and somewhere along the way they started doing it more for each other’s attention and less to be funny. AND on top of that she’s really affectionate (hugs the guys regularly, has sat in jet’s lap once in the trans am and in kobra’s once on a dare, and has fallen asleep on each of the four at least once), AND has to lean really close to them to hear them better sometimes bc yk. hearing problems. and they’re both kinda stupid so party, jet, and kobra literally figured out the other two liked each other soooooo long before the two even realized it lol.

anyways it all comes to fruition one night when they’re changing watches, carbon taking over from ghoul BUT ITS LIKE RLLY AWKWARD YK BC THEY’VE BOTH FIGURED OUT THEIR FEELINGS BY NOW BUT HAVENT FIGURED OUT THE OTHER PERSON’S,, LFHSKDJFJSK— so carbon heads out to wherever ghoul’s stationed and it’s like. she says hi and he says hey, and she kind of just expected him to hug her goodnight and go after that but he doesn’t so she sits with him in silence for a good while, sorta just waiting for him to go in to bed and also just trying to enjoy this rare alone time w him without overthinking it too much. eventually he scoots a little closer to her and puts his arm around her. she lays her head on his shoulder. still neither of them say anything for another ten minutes or so.

until finally she says, “ghoul?” it comes out quieter than she expected it to.

“hm.”

“you should go in and get some sleep, I’ll be fine out here.”

“mm, yeah… I guess you’re right.” and he nods a little but doesn’t take his arm away; she hasn’t lifted her head from his shoulder either.

another minute of silence. “you cold?”

she looks up at him. “sorry?”

he leans closer and repeats the question. she shakes her head ever so slightly and tries to ignore the way her heart skipped when he leaned down. “oh. no, I’m fine.” they haven’t broken eye contact since he first asked.

“you sure?” he says it quietly on purpose this time. when she inevitably inclined her head to have him say again, he leans in and kisses her cheek instead. (!!!!)

she pulls back slightly to look at him for barely a second, then leans in and kisses him proper !! aaaaaa -

eventually ghoul does go in and sleep :’) but not before a few more kisses and a very sweet confession discussion <3

and in the morning when they all get up, carbon hugs party, kobra, and jet good morning and she gets to ghoul and he kisses her instead <33 to which party goes FUCKING FINALLY YOU GUYS.. and kobra and jet exchange bets across the table,, alrjwkdjd

AAAND I’m gonna stop there bc I really need to go to bed but I really really wanted to answer this first akdhaksjak </3 thank you sm again for asking!!! this was so fun to ramble about :’D I could go on abt this forever probably so if you wanna hear more just lmk!! there are many antics in my brain I would loveee to talk abt sometime hehe

[mbabol]

HOWWOW KNIGHT 3?

ok. ao. ive unlocked most of the map now. and i think im getting into endgame territory. based on the storyline and the op items im getting now.

uh. so i killed that first dreamer. so im just going to stick to the path and keep killing dreamers even though its making me really sad :( i just got to the top of watchers spire and. this one rlly hurt. at least spiders were scary. watchers is in the top of my fav city and theres a little telescope where u can see where she looked thru. and then you see her lying peacefully on the bed which is what freaked me out last time too. and to make matters worse they stuck one of the little scared guys up there to make you really feel like a monster bc its a reminder that some of them dont even want to fight you why are you fighting them? i think i was always destined to be the villain of this story

AND ON THAT NOTE. CONFIRMATION ON ALL THE LITTLE HINTS ABT HOW YOURE NOT EXACTLY THE GOOD GUY HERE. OR AT LEAST YOURE CAUSING A LOT OF PAIN IN THE MEANTIME. UH. DREAM NAIL. SO I GOT A CHARM THAT CHARGES DREAM NAIL FASTER. im like huh. what the hell is that for. all the things i use the dreamnail on are stationary? but im like oh of course! i need it to charge faster if i can use it on normal mobs. so i excitedly equip the charm to go see what cool tech this dream nail does on mobs.

the tech is psychological horror. i can now read everyones thoughts. hooray. so far ive had two results for mobs: 1) horrible pain 2) horrified confusion and immobility. cause. turns out. the coreopsis point. was actually. going to get answered. theyre. the orange eyes and aggressiveness is partially Planned. theyre all asleep. the sleep wasnt just the dreamers. its all the citizens of hollownest. to contain the infection they wove some sort of spell that put all infected in a pseudo slumber that repels anyone from trying to come in. theyre unwitting defenders of outsiders who may venture too deep and unknowingly spread the disease. either intentionally or by accident, theyre the perfect defense. agonized and aggressive because of it they lash out to anyone and keep curious wanderers away.

this was at least part of the sacrifice. i havent dream nailed everyone yet but i know thwts part of it. my next step is to dream nail the unnerving beast in the dusty underground area. the area with the pale king. who is the pale king? i donated at least. there were inscriptions that described a sacrifice. what sacrifice? there were corpses everywhere of bugs wearing robes id never seen before. what did they do? who is the white knight corpse that i cant stir with the dream nail? whats behind the door? they were instrumental to containing the plague. what did they do?

ALSO I BEGAN TO SUSPECT THE ORANGE DUST WASNT JUST INFECTION RUNNING WILD BC THE FIGHT I GOT STUCK ON IN THE SPIRE WAS SUSPICIOUS. THE ROLLY DEFENDERS? THEY WERE BEING SPECIFICALLY REANIMATED BY THE CLOUD OF ORANGE DUST ABOVE TO DEFEND THE DREAMER. THAT WAS SUSPICIOUS. THEY WERE BEING CONTROLLED, POSSESSED. THATS NOT JUST ILLNESS. THATS CONSCIOUSNESS AT PLAY

im feeling so guilty discovering the dream nail :((( even the littlest mobs have thoughts like "hungry....scared.....dark safe..." AND IT MAKES ME SAAAAAAAAD IM SORRYYYYYYY

ALL THE GHOSTIES WHO TRIED TO TELL ME FIGHTING AND GLORY ISNT WORTH IT WERE RIGHTTTTT

oh yeah i unlocked the spirit tomb or whatever a while ago. dope. theres just a bunch of random characters who tell u cool stuff abt themselves and someeeeee world building. dope

im also so op its so funny how i can still die. ive had to upgrade nail twice and i have a zillion masks. im also on the hunt to collect all the charms. i believe. i can do it

UH ALSO WHAT ARE THE SEALS FOR...? am i just supposed to sell these?? i thought i could use them for something eventually

er also idk where im supposed to get the skill i need to get into fog cavern. is it in the sewers ? i cant find it

UGH DREAM NAILING EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE SO SAD. RHE LITTLE MOSS GUYS IN GREENPATH WERE FUCKING DEFENDING THE PATH OF UNN. IM LOSING IT. IM THE BAD GUY

OH MY GOD ALSO I ACCIDENTALLY KILLED TWO GHOSTIES I THOUGHT I COHLD TALK TO THEM MORE WITH DREAM NAIL BUT THEY JUST TURNED INTO FUCKING ESSENCE???????

I FELT SOOOO BAAAAAAD I WANTED TO QUIT THE GAMEEEEE MY LITTLE GRAVEYARD BUDDY IM SO SORRY I DIDNT KNOW

ive unlocked some crazy zones also. why the hell was there a zone where i came from beginning of the game. howling wilds was it? howling cliffs? whatever. hey also im suspicious of all the unmapped areas that are high up. am i gonna get a skill to fucking fly straight up. why is the entirety of above dirttown unmapped. whats going on up there.

also i know theres something thats gonna explain what shades are but i wont lie thats not even on my radar rn im not gonna be able to guess it on my own theyre keeping it pretty well under wraps. i know im strange and i know im not the only one. the dreamers that first time kept talking abt how i "returned" and what i "wanted". so. yeah.

also my shade soul is literally an entry in the beastiary. so.

I FORGOR I UNLOCKED NEW MOVES. I NEVER REMEMBER TO USE THEM

i have fucking spin attack. i havent tried it once

uh also i made it to the roof of the world...? there was a pale ore there. snagged rhat

ive got some predictions abt whats gonna happen next. not wven predictions just potential guesses. 1) theres branching endings and im on badroute bc i killed dreamers OH YEAH WHY DID I SUCK THEM UP TOO? EW? WHY DID I EAT THEM. this is a sad ending ill just be sad and rhen immediately boot up for the good ending 2) im not yet on bad ending its not Great that i killed dreamers but it was all a fakeout to say sike ! u needed to break the stasis rhe kingdom was in bc this wasnt a sustainable solution. so the real decision comes later <- WISHFUL THINKING 3) this is the bad ending but also is there gonna be a twist where ghost and the soul are at odds ? no way right. thats too easy. maybe it is tho. hwy am i still gonna try to recapture the infection in myself that sucks 4) who the hell is the final boss. like i know ill fight the vessel but am i gonna have to fight my soul? the king? rhe queen? like what is up with that.

the random tidbits im learning abt npcs with dreamnail are ruining me. did u know map lady used to be a nail warrior like me. i do now. whimper. and shop fly has three kids. whimper

[commanderquinn]

Good Space Chapter 3: Hey Gringo

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

—

master list / ao3 chapter link

—

warnings: ayyy!! none this time!! unless you wanna count Highly Disrespectful Thoughts ❤️ tho!!! the flashbacks are shuri, heads up for anyone who is a big baby (like me) and still crying over WF. also (shocker) bucko angst/panic attacks

song: it KALEO time!! istg there are golden oldies and hippie classics on this intended playlist, we just havent gotten to them yet. this choice is mega self-indulgent on my end ngl, buuuuut thats the whole fic in general lbr (side note: every time i write Angy Ava, i want you to imagine the vocal intensity of jefferson airplane’s lead singer, grace slick)

the timing of this chapter could NOT have been better with the probably-russian hackers knocking out ao3 that long. i mean it dude, im pretty sure the universe had a good chuckle over this one bc i sure as shit had to sit here and go “youre pullin my leg bud”

also now feels like a good time to mention, for absolutely no reason in particular (definitely not bc of Bucky being a Huge Simp this chapter), that i hc bucky as a dom with service top leanings. i just didnt wanna give the impression that reader is dom for this and accidentally get anyones hopes up with no payoff. i try to avoid that as much as i can bc god knows i drop Big Honkers on y’all every damn chapter, id hate for you to get all the way to the end of this and not get your cookie, y’know? (i am, ofc, down to write mega sub bucky for smut-shot requests)

also remember when i mentioned giving ava a HANDFUL of physical details for writing fuel? 🌝 (ur gonna think im funny rlly soon, dw)

anyways if you dont have adhd, good luck and god speed with the idiots thinkin abt each other in this chapter ❤️ im so sorry in advance 🥺😔

—

Febuary 17th, 2015

"Good morning, Sh—"

"Have you left your worthless husband yet?" Shuri impatiently taps a finger against her elbow, where her arms are crossed over her chest. 

She watches Ava sigh on the other end of the vidcall. The woman looks too tired. She needs rest. Shuri wants to stab Alec all over again. She's going to make a new, self-lacing, possibly electrified dagger just for the occasion. "I know you're just trying to—"

"We can come to get you. I will send T'Challa. You must promise me that you will have him get me something from Washington." Shuri raises a stern finger, pointing it directly at the camera. "Do not let him pick it out himself—"

"Shuri, honey, I love you with all my heart, but please—"

"I want you to pick it. The furniture in your office is ridiculous; I want something like that."

A smile far too small pulls at the corners of Ava's lips. Her smile used to move freely, and it will do so again if Shuri has any say in the matter. Which she does. "Well, thank you, I work very hard to keep it ridiculous. Now—"

"It will make me think of you whenever you are not around to make fun of my brother with me. My mother will get the lawyers you need to start your divorce—"

"I—sweetheart, please, it's been a very long night—"

"It is the afternoon where you are. You have not even had breakfast, have you? Of course not. You are busy doing the work while Alec—"

"Shuri!" Ava puts a hand over her eyes and takes an unsteady breath in. "I'm sorry. This is—it's been a long night. I didn't mean to yell at you—"

"You need to start yelling much more, Ava. Aim it at your worthless husband while you tell him you are leaving," Shuri argues, entirely fed up with how the doctor allows the spineless dickhead to make her miserable. "T'challa will remove him for you while you stay here with us."

Alec—she refuses to call him Ryder; the man does not deserve to have taken the doctor's name—leans into the camera view, his expression bored. Dismissive. Shuri wants to smash his wrinkling, greasy face in with her fist. "While I appreciate the offer, your majesty, my wife and I can handle our private life alone."

Shuri glares back at him, one of her eyebrows hiked as far up as she can comfortably get it. "Do you really think being aware of your presence on this call will deter me from reminding my friend that you are a demon?" She looks pointedly at Ava, who's still covering her eyes. "He is a demon. A pasty, rude demon."

"Alec is going to shut the fuck up now, I promise." The fingers over Ava's eyes pull in until she's pinching the bridge of her nose tightly. She looks as if she's fighting off a migraine. She probably is. And it is Alec's fault. "That way, we can get this over with, and I can finally get some sleep—"

"Which you need and are not getting enough of." The words slip out before Shuri can stop them. 

Ava's shoulders deflate slightly. Her hand drops, and she attempts another smile that doesn't reach her eyes, making Shuri feel a pang of guilt. "No, I'm not. But I will, just as soon as we finish the basic adaptation matrix. I promise."

Ava always encourages her to speak her mind, no matter what. Sometimes it gets her into trouble. She is not looking to berate her favorite Canadian; she loves leaving the vidcomm between their labs on. The open connection is a comforting window into the outside, one that lets Shrui indulge in any question or raving that passes through her mind. 

Alec is a poison in her friend's life, and Shuri will not back down from reminding her of that. But mother and Nakia have sat with her over this, explaining that sometimes, an abused heart will cling to what hurts it. They have to be supportive while Ava works through this. She's getting there. Just not nearly fast enough for Shuri's patience.

Father has been reminding them all that Alec is a risk, given what he knows. Trusting Ava means trusting her for the duration, and they can't go back now. If she says she is handling the issue of separating the man from her work, they have to allow her room to do that. But T'Challa has been ordered to keep close, or at the very least, ready to go.

As much as she despises Alec, Shuri does not wish to see Ava hurt in this. Not any more than necessary. She is also not interested in trying to control her friend the way her mother sometimes tries to control her. It is infuriating. 

So, taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, she lets some of the fight leave her. For the sake of Ava, not the pasty demon. "I have the latest build ready for transfer." 

"You're sure you've secured the connection on your end?" Alec has the audacity to question, even outside of the frame. "I'm not interested in spending my week chasing traces of this—"

"Do I look as if I will hesitate to strike you, colonizer?!"

—

"I'm just saying, Humpty Dumpty."

"Fuck off," Bucky wheezes at the billionaire, compressing the towel he grabbed from his new medkit against his ribs. Why he expected to make it through his first mission back without having to crack it open, he's not entirely sure now that he's sitting in the hindsight. Getting shot today was, if he's honest with himself, entirely predictable. It's his luck, after all. 

"We let you out of the house again for five minutes, and you've already broken yourself." Tony shakes his head as he tsk's, making Bucky roll his eyes lazily. "What's Ryder going to think? If you keep this up, you'll give the woman a complex about draining your mojo."

"She's going to think I throw myself in front of armor-piercing rounds for idiots that don't notice when they're being shot at." The mention of Ava brings the doctor's smiling face to the forefront of his mind. Bucky leans back against the Quinjet's co-pilot seat, letting his eyes fall closed. 

He could take care of this latest injury himself. That's what he usually does. Thanks to the serum, all he has to do is keep the wound clean for a few hours while his body stitches itself back together. Nothing's broken, and he'd be in much more pain if anything were punctured. Hell, he'd probably be dead already. The fix for this is so easy it'll practically handle itself.

"You always get so cranky after you've played the hero." He hears Tony kick his feet up on the Quinjet's main controls. "Take a breather. Maybe a bow or two. Believe it or not, it's possible to accept a compliment now and then."

"Grandstand more often, got it."

Ava's probably going to hear about today's incident now that Bucky thinks about it. If anything, Steve's going to make sure of it. He doubts she'd guilt him for not being comfortable with an optional trip to medical. They've been having more conversations about boundaries and comfort, and she's been unwaveringly supportive of him moving at his own pace. 

"You don't have to grandstand, you gigantic baby," Natasha chides from between the chairs. Her hand smacks against his shoulder, making Bucky grunt softly. "A whole new world is going to open up for you when you relearn to accept praise."

Tony snorts, long and loud. "Has he reached that stage of modern education yet?"

"I reached that stage of education before you were born, Stark." Bucky's not territorial over his reputation anymore; those days are long since passed. The grand majority of his mojo got left in the 40s. He's just tired of Tony's shit. That's all it is.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Ava might feel bad that he didn't come to her for something like this. He doesn't... want that. He doesn't want her thinking that he doesn't welcome her help or that he doesn't trust it. He... he does. He doesn't just appreciate having the option; he enjoys it. The new routine is a breeze, and his neck feels better than it ever has. At least that he can remember.

"I'm confused," Tony mumbles around a mouthful of snacks. The man never stops eating. "Are we talking about your no-no years, or did you and Rogers hit up underground bars before Germany?"

"I know all his secrets from the vanilla days; they never went to any of the fun ones," Natasha confirms. It's not like Bucky was going to take the verbal bait anyways. Steve still falls for it regularly. 

"I like how you don't deny having the rest of the answer; I feel like it tells me all I can tolerate about the icicles when it comes to this. That's my favorite part about you, Romanoff. You know when I don't need to know, you know?"

His dumbass friends might as well be background noise with Bucky's mind this firmly in the memory of Ava's office. She's been so good to him, especially over this last week while she pushed through all the red tape for him. He'd been expecting it to take an eternity of hounding Steve all by his lonesome, but she got him back in the field in under two weeks. His best friend had actually been kind of pissy about it behind closed doors. For Bucky, it was like getting sprinkles on top of his cake. 

He's been thinking about getting flowers delivered to her lab for the trouble. It feels like too much whenever his thumb hovers over the confirmation button. He's reached the part of staring at the order details four times.

"I'm pretty sure your country doesn't appreciate it as much as you do. They tend to fight cold wars over it."

"Well, yeah, but our country—you see what I did there? That was a pretty funny communism joke. And it works as a reminder for both of us that you're actually an American citizen these days; isn't that wild? Back to the point here, our country fights wars over stuff we do ourselves all the time, so that doesn't feel like a fair reason to dismiss our friendship."

The doctor's forcing him to expand his music library. Her taste there is as scattered as her taste in movies, but she's got some leading themes he's been able to pin down. The 60s and 70s are huge for her, expectedly, and she's got a lot of nostalgia over the 90s. Paige keeps her versed in all things pop, folk, and country, according to her. 

"If I start referring to the US as my country, you people will expect me to do things like register to vote. Or put up wallpaper."

"I don't think anyone's expecting you to be legally allowed to do that. The voting thing, not the wallpaper. In most states. For multiple reasons. Although, the wallpaper might be a good call."

Ava invited him to their absurdly large archive of playlists during his second session. The ones Paige curates are nothing but insanity. Not one of them makes a lick of sense. Bucky decided that he should have expected that, given her Energizer Bunny reputation. Ava's are less scattered; more organized. Soothing for his mind to digest. He's been using them as workout music ever since. And driving music. And general background noise. 

"I don't think I'd know where to start buying wallpaper. Do you even want me putting that shit on your expensive building?"

"Not really, but the idea of walking in on you rolling paste on the living room walls is worth anything it could take to fix them later."

God, she's funny, too. He could listen to the woman's awful, soul-crushing puns and subsequent cackling for hours. He'll never say that to her face, not for as long as he lives, but they've made him feel lighter every morning that he's gone to let her work him over. He's already stolen two of them to torture Sam with. Another thing he's not going to tell her.

"Maybe I should start smaller. Bruce keeps suggesting a car that has legal registration."

"Heeey, that could work. You'll be signing up for mailing lists and bitching about state tax in no time. You know what?" He hears Tony snap his fingers. "We should get you a houseplant. Work you up to having a fish or something."

Alright. Maybe he'll go to Ava. He doesn't want her to think he's trying to blow off her expertise again. Or that he's avoiding her. He's not; he really does like hanging out in her office. Even if it's technically a medical appointment. He's a lot more eager to visit her than his therapists, that's for sure.

"I am not paying taxes," Natasha scoffs. "If you think I'm tying a legal address to my name, you're out of your fucking mind. Moreso than usual."

"You don't think you'd enjoy having a cave to lurk in?"

"What makes you think I don't have one already?"

"I'm talking about a real house, not a safe house."

This injury isn't related to his cybernetics. It's his ribs, well below any of his implants. He's not entirely out of the loop when it comes to what doctors have to do to get their licenses. She no doubt had to pull a lot of hard hours during her residency. Maybe she doesn't want to patch up the tower's notorious grouch every time he takes a hit. But he doubts she'd ever be impolite enough to refuse him walking in.

"I have my space here: bathroom, laundry room, small kitchen. If I haven't bothered decorating that, what makes you think I'll want to do it for an entire house?"

"Aww, come on. Look at Ryder! She's having all kinds of fun making her place as obnoxious as possible. That could be you after a few online shopping sprees."

Bucky's eyes open slowly, his brows drawing in when the second verbal mention of Ava pulls parts of his attention back to the conversation. 

Fuck, not going to medical still leaves the option of her taking offense. Okay. Alright. So, he'll split the difference and go to emergency intake. He's pretty sure she's listed as his surgical contact in the tower now—he can't stomach looking at his own medical file, not even the written records. Any injury this big will get flagged for trauma support, and she'll be notified. Then it's up to her what she wants to do. That feels like a good compromise.

"She's doing that to reclaim it from Alec; that's different. I don't have the same motivation. For me, it's just going to be extra work.

"Who's Alec?" Bucky asks without thinking. If the universe doesn't hate him today, Natasha's just going to assume he's being his usual kind of paranoid.

"She hasn't mentioned him?" Tony sounds surprised. "Alec's her ex-husband."

Ex-husband? She was married? And she's not anymore, meaning she might be—

He shuts down that train of thought immediately. 

Reclaiming the space of her house implies they lived in it long enough to form some heavy memories. She hasn't mentioned having a kid, and she strikes him as the type to bring up something like that pretty fast. So it was just the two of them, most likely.

"People usually don't like talking about the egocentric sack of shit they used to coexist with," Natasha points out. Of course, she already knows about the doctor's history. It's her.

"Bad divorce?" he prods, trying not to sound overly invested in the answer. These assholes will take it as an invitation.

"Oh, the worst," Tony confirms. "Shithead tried fighting her on it tooth and nail. She had to borrow my legal team just to get the guy to fuck off and leave her alone. He even kept her surname after the divorce; can you believe that?"

An uneasy feeling starts to rise in his gut, making Bucky look over at him. Then up at Natasha. "What kind of won't leave her alone are we talking about?"

"Down, fido, my lawyers took care of it. There's no need to start tailing him. Aside from being a self-absorbed asshole that insists they'll," Tony's voice turns scornful as his fingers form air quotes, "work things out with time, he's toothless." 

"She's got concealed carry permits she earned properly if that makes you feel better," Natasha offers up. The thought does help ease the tension building in him. 

He won't read Ava's file, no matter how bad the buzzing gets. But he might check in with JARVIS about her home security. He's noticed her name on the system logs. She, or at least her house, is linked to SHIELD's network despite her general distrust of the organization. He understands the opposing priorities completely.

He caved and read Wyatt's file two nights ago. The buzzing had been building since Ava mentioned him wanting an autograph, and it finally got to be too much. Nothing's lurking there aside from an impressive list of historians from all the fuck over Georgia and Alabama. The kid's got more family than some towns have population. 

Bucky leans forward with a muted groan to change the autopilot's intended LZ of the Avenger's balcony to the entrance hanger for medical. If he's going to grit his teeth through the antiseptic over a couple small holes, he's damn sure not going to haul his ass through half the tower while his ribs leak. His patience has limits, and that's pretty fucking far over the starting line. 

Tony looks over at him with a deep, suspicious frown. Bucky frowns at him right back with the same level of scrutiny. He can feel Natasha staring a hole into the side of his head, even if he can't catch her in his peripherals. He hates both of them with a passion at the moment. He knows what's about to happen—

"Did you just… prioritize your own health," Tony questions like he's baffled by the very idea. His whole upper body turns in the seat as he looks up at Natasha excitedly. "Oh my god. He's doing it. All by himself." He raises a hand to his chest and looks back at Bucky. "They grow up so fast."

It's good that the autopilot is on. If it weren't, Bucky would be tempted to crash them out of spite, mostly because he's sure he'd survive it. "Very funny."

"All it took was a hippie that gives him candy," Natash adds, her voice dripping with smugness. "Who knew."

"Both of you can fuck off." Bucky doesn't like how close she just got to his primary motivation on the first try. Old habits die hard, et cetera. And he hates that he can't tell if she was trying to guess. If he's lucky, which he isn't, she was just making fun of him.

Natasha knows about his visits to the florist's website; he's fucking convinced of it now. He doesn't know how, and he can't outright call her on it. If he does, he could fuck up and make himself right. There is nothing worse than having the Black Widow as metaphorical family. Not even Steve's hovering.

She and Tony harass him for the remainder of the flight. It's not long, mercifully, and he's starting to regret not grabbing something for the doctor. They were in Montreal, of all places, so it would have been fitting. He figures she'll understand once he shows her his side. The train of thought makes him wonder what part of Canada she's originally from. She hasn't brought it up.

His foot is already bouncing by the time he reaches the elevator. He's still got the surgical towel shoved tightly against his ribs. He hopes she gets there fast if she ends up taking the call. The last thing he wants to do right now is sit around in the burn of antiseptic and bleach while he fights off the urge to bolt. 

This is good, Bucky reminds himself as he takes his first few steps into medical. He's sat through plenty of trips to emergency intake. He can handle walking into his first optional one. It's a non-issue. Completely.

When JARVIS informs him that his file and general vital scan have been submitted for intake, the buzzing gets so intense that he almost leaves. The pace of his sergeant walk, as Sam likes to designate it, slows to a crawl. Then he thinks about a doctor with concealed carry permits. One that lets her house be monitored by a government organization she's actively pushing herself to trust. All in an effort to contribute something good to the world. The buzzing eases, and he picks up his pace, headed for the solo observation room JARVIS listed for him.

There's no moment of standing involuntarily from nerves this time. He doesn't have to force himself to sit back down and wait, even though the room smells wrong. His skin is crawling, and he wants nothing more than to put a throwing knife in his hand like a goddamn security blanket. But he doesn't panic. He doesn't try leaving.

Baby steps.

When the door opens, it's devastating. There's no diminutive hippie with UFO-sized glasses smiling at him on the other side of it. It's a guy in a plain white lab coat without artistic stitching, one that Bucky's never met before in his life. He's already squinting down at a tablet, meaning this will be his doctor for the duration.

This was the worst plan he could have possibly conceived. The universe is humbling him for thinking he could get away with something like this without some kind of suffering. He just wanted to make up for being dismissive of her help initially. Now he gets to sit through this. How fucking grand.

"Barnes?" The doctor that's not Bucky's doctor looks up, his heart rate elevating by a few notches. He's putting in a lot of effort to look confident. It's not exactly working. "I'm Dr. Erickson. I'm guessing you're here for the bullet wounds JARVIS detected?"

"Yup." Bucky's not about to volunteer for small talk at the moment. It's a miracle he hasn't jumped off the biobed yet. "Where's Ryder?"

"Your primary is in a staff meeting at the moment." Erickson puts his tablet down on the supply cabinet's main counter. He's already starting to gather what he needs, leaving Bucky to figure out real quick if he's actually willing to do this. "Don't worry; I'll get you sewn up and on your way in no time."

He doesn't want it getting back to Ava that he bailed the moment she couldn't show up. He doesn't want to leave her with the impression that he's only going to take on medical care if it's her; that's not anywhere near fair. The woman is a brain surgeon, not his private physician. He can grow the fuck up and accept help from people that haven't gone through his gauntlet of verification.

"Great," he pushes out, lifting the side of his undershirt to offer an unobstructed view.

It's not great; it's fucking horrendous. The first touch of the new doctor makes the overly physical memory of the buzzing build so high, he can feel it in his teeth. They're not actually rattling in his jaw the way they did back then, he knows that, but it doesn't matter because his body is screaming at him that it's happening.

The first stitch going through his skin makes him want to put his fingers through the doctor's eye sockets. His mind goes over all the ways he can violently put at least ten feet between them without having to get up. Looking back, it's probably good he didn't reach for the throwing knives. He's not unhinged enough to stab someone unprovoked; he's better than that. But they'd have been distracting to his impulse control, that's for sure.

Dr. Handsy is pulling the first suture in tight when the door to the observation room opens again. Bucky doesn't look up, his eyes locked on a random point on the far wall while he focuses on his breathing. He only looks over when a billowing, maroon pant leg enters his peripheral.

Thanks to a bunch of dead Nazi scientists that used to hide out in the mountains of Russia, Bucky Barnes has a trigger in his brain that is entirely out of his control. One that, when activated by his own interest, lets him process his surroundings in a sliver of the time that it should for a human mind. It is exceptionally helpful in the field. 

Watching Ava Ryder walk in, wearing a suede jumpsuit that mercilessly frames her curves, proves to him that having it in the 30s would have gotten him shot by someone's father. Definitely before he left Brooklyn. Or before he got chased out by several fathers banding together with baseball bats. In the time it takes her hand to come off the door handle and make its way to her hip, his mind goes on one hell of a fucking journey.

He already had more than a vague idea of the shape of her before now; he can't help it. Comes with the territory of doing threat assessment for a living. God knows his eyes have slipped down to her chest on a shameful amount of occasions. Her tits are being held up and pushed together fucking beautifully at the moment. Typically, that would hold all of his attention.

But this is the first unobstructed view of her that he's gotten, thanks to the lab coat being nowhere in sight, and good fucking god. Holy fucking shit. Godfuckingdamn.

She's half turned from him at this angle, so he's only getting a side view. That's more than enough to show off an obscenely rounded ass and the cushy thighs it rests on that are going to haunt his fucking dreams. It's bigger than his hands by a margin that's outright glorious. The mental image of his fingers digging into it, of how it would make her skin dip under the pressure, makes his blood race.

He can't spot the outline of any underwear at first. Then her hand makes contact with the jumpsuit, and his eyes pick up on it. Right there, above the top of her finger, pulled up high over her hipbone. There's a thin band leaving an impression in the fabric. An extraordinarily thin band. There is nothing else in sight.

Pulled between Ava's legs, right at this very moment in time, is a strip of fabric that Bucky's tongue would fit against perfectly. Right under that is a taste he's been catching himself wondering about for two weeks now. One good, long drag of his nose. That's all it would take to push in whatever she's picked out for the day and soak it with that taste. He could get it back out from between her lips with his tongue, pull it to the side with his teeth to give himself room to feast—

Bucky tries to shift his weight as nonchalantly as possible while his brain slows back down. The comeback from tactical analysis is always jarring, with this one being especially so. 

He's the worst kind of bastard. An awful, selfish, perverted sonofabitch. There's not shit he can do to change that. How unfortunate.

"David," Ava greets, the name coming out as tense as the closed smile plastered on her face. "You can put that down."

The other doctor doesn't look up from the work his hands are doing. "That you, Ava? I heard you were—"

"Now."

Bucky's back straightens up as David looks at her nervously, taken aback. Bucky doesn't blame him; he didn't know her voice could get that forceful.

David sort of laughs, which feels like the worst possible choice to Bucky. But, hey, not his call. "What, do you want me to just—"

"I want your hands off my patient right now. I'm not asking." She watches with unwavering intensity as the other doctor lets the needle and thread drop from his hands. She visibly bristles at the patronizing expression on David's face, her head tilting aggressively. Bucky kind of wants to watch her hit him. "I'll be back in less than a minute, sergeant. I need a word outside with Dr. Erikson."

"Take your time," Bucky assures, the tension bleeding out of him already. His ribs are leaking, and there's a piece of doctor floss looped through his skin that he's going to have to cut out of himself tomorrow morning. The immoral evaluation of her outfit that his head threw at him is going to eat him alive. Forever. Especially when he's trying to fall asleep for the foreseeable future. 

All things considered, though, he feels fan-fucking-tastic.

David still looks somewhat shell-shocked, and there's real insult starting to creep into his posture, but the guy doesn't argue. He follows Ava back out of the room, not bothering with a goodbye in Bucky's direction. When the door closes behind them, his super hearing picks up on Ava reaming David about prioritizing patients before ego. She goes into detail about the deep shit he'll be in with her if he keeps ignoring her written orders, long before it ever gets him fired. She tacks on why her anger should scare him a hell of a lot more than the idea of that. Then she instructs him to keep his damn hands off her patients and get back to the intake desk. 

The protective streak makes Bucky's chest feel warm, a half-smile pulling at his lips. She's a handful, alright. One he'd give anything to be brave enough to send flowers to.

Ava is calm, cool, and collected when she leans back in through the doorframe, hanging off it with a soft smile. "Hiya, stranger. I hear you picked a fight in my motherland today."

"I hear it has an arms dealer problem. I wanted to see if I could help." He gestures down at the needle swinging from his ribs without looking at it. "Not all Canadians are as welcoming as you, turns out."

"Eh?" she fires back, hamming up the accent. "Wellll, I'm not about to let a few cranky arms dealers tarnish our reputation. What do you say you push that bandage against your new bragging rights, and we head for my office?"

Licking his bottom lip nervously, he tries to give her a confident smile. "You were busy with something."

"Not too busy for my favorite popsicle." One eyebrow raises sternly. "You are not allowed to tell Steve I'm playing favorites." God, she's cute when she tries to deflect. It's never worked. At least not on him.

"That's—" Shit, where to even find the fucking words for her. "You don't have to do this. Go out of your way like this. I don't mind getting patched up by random medics. Comes with the job."

Her smile turns impish. "That's cool and all, but I mind when people ignore basic ethics just to have a story about stitching up an Avenger. If you need to tell yourself I'm using you as fuel for a workplace pissing contest, go for it. Whatever gets you off that biobed." She leans back, leaving the door open wide behind her. "Come on; I can't stand the way they organize these damn shelves. I wouldn't patch you up in here even if you did pay me. Next time, head for my office first."

Bucky does as she ordered, pushing the surgical towel she packed for him against his side, not minding the sting in the least. He swallows down the point that, by every definition there is, he's not an Avenger. "I'll follow you, doc."

—

"Alright," Wyatt plops his hands down on the glass of the holo, his expression determined. His tight curls bounce with the motion, making their resident gumdrop look adorable, even through the discomfort. "Let's get to dissectin' this cacophony. All in one go, preferably, so I don't feel like yackin' up my lunch two days runnin'."

Ava's head tilts sympathetically. "Oh, honey, tell me you didn't—"

His hand comes up, with his index finger pointed to the ceiling. "Nope. But I got close a couple'a times thinkin' about this." He mutters several things under his breath about creepy Nazi bastards while he pulls up the raw data from Bucky's implants. "All the more reason to get it the hell over with."

"A whole day of digging through coded war crimes," Hannah deadpans quietly, raising a steaming mug to her lips. "I'm glad we get the fun assignments."

"You'd ditch us if we didn't," Ava jokes. She scrolls through the sergeant's file absentmindedly on her tablet, reviewing the vitals added just a few hours ago. He actually came to medical. For something as minor as a field injury. Of his own volition.

"Mmm. I don't know. It's pretty fun watching a brain move like Jell-O. You might have been able to convince me to stick around just for that."

SHIELD's primary system makes a blaring noise of disagreement as Wyatt loads the main file structure. He frowns, looking over at Ava with concern. "Its askin' for administrative override."

"Heeey, that's that thing Tony says I'm not supposed to abuse. That's probably not a good sign." Ava pushes her glasses further up the bridge of her nose and leans over to get a look at the error. "JAR, I'd like some reassurance we're not about to trigger an ancient LoJack if you wouldn't mind advising here."

"There are safeguards in place for importing code with an unknown source," JARVIS reports in. The warning on the screen is dismissed, presumably by him, and a new window comes up. A log of the programming in Bucky's cybernetics going through digital quarantine loads rapidly, with line after line being highlighted in red and labeled HYDRA Suspected. "I will process them for you. One moment."

"We have to clean the Nazi code before we can beat it to death," Hannah mumbles against the rim of her mug. "I think I kind of like that."

"Please, Hannie, I'm hangin' on by the skin'a my teeth here." Scrubbing his hands over his face, Wyatt groans exhaustedly. He drags them down slowly, giving Hannah a pleading look over the tops of his fingers. "You know I'm always here for supportin' you—"

"I'm aware." The ex-marine's clipped tone makes Ava snort and look back down at her tablet. They both know stopping him now isn't going to cut off the word vomit.

Wyatt's hands thunk back down onto the glass. "I'm so proud'a ya, y'know that—" And there's the thickening of the accent.

"I know."

Ava's eyes skim over the list of everything detected in Bucky's wound, locking on the word leather in particular. Today was her first look at his work gear—she's got a feeling he doesn't call it a uniform—in person. It was hard to keep professional in front of six and a half feet of Hi, how are ya? wrapped up in that much heavy black. The sounds that his vest made when he dropped it on the coffee table— Jesus. He's got to be packing enough in there to arm a small country. 

"All's I'm sayin' is that if I have to hear about murder right now, I might actually upchu—"

"Please don't."

Ava's too scared to ask what's in the sergeant's pants for a multitude of reasons. Professionalism is lower on the list than it probably should be. It's a shame, too. He's downright hilarious when he lets himself talk. There's not a doubt in her mind that he'd come up with something unbearably good—and unwaveringly dry—in response to the loaded question.

"A'right then. We're in agreement. No bad thoughts today. We go in like—like excavators, right? With our helmets and our 'lil pickaxes, and we get what we need so we can—" The way he cuts himself off makes Ava look back up in concern. She finds the most horrified expression on Wyatt's face. "That—ah shit, that didn't come out all that right. That was mean, wannit? Insensitive. I'm not tryin' to belittle what the sergeant's been through."

"You weren't belittling anything," Ava assures, reaching out to rub his arm. "I think he'd be the first one to race you to a fossil joke about this."

"You'll tell 'im I'm takin' this serious, won't ya—"

A small chuckle escapes before she can stop it. "Wyatt, sweetheart, it's not like he heard you—"

"You take your pills today, Combs?" Hannah's calm question makes the gumdrop freeze in place. She blows on her coffee, taking a small sip. "If you say you don't remember, I'm going to—"

Wyatt snaps his fingers, his expression shifting to relief. "I didn't, and I remember why, too." He rolls his chair back with a sudden push, aiming for his desk. He reaches out before the chair finishes the trip to grab his patch-covered messenger bag. "One'a the cats got int'a my coat closet; dumbass got stuck on a shelf for reasons I'm still not real clear on." He pops open his medication bottle, tossing a pill into his mouth with a level of dexterity that makes her jealous. "The hollerin' was s'damn loud, I thought the landlord was gonna come knockin'."

"Which one was it?" Ava asks. "Not the new kitten?"

"No, no—Juno's been'a dream. It was Galileo again. I love that furry little bastard, but sometimes he can drive me nutty ." He pauses to take a swig from another glossy vacation mug. Today's is advertising a campground Ava's never heard of that's the best in the Rockies, according to the swirling font. "I got new pictures of Juno if you want 'em, though."

"Yes, please," Ava confirms happily. Holding the teacup-sized ball of fur made her whole month when he last brought Juno in. Hannah ended up hogging most of the cuddle time, but the sound of little meows filling the day had been enough to make up for it.

Wyatt pulls his phone from his back pocket and brings it around to hook up to the holo. The system dings with the sound of a successful transfer after a moment. He loads a collection of new photos, zeroing in on one of Juno clawing her way up a window curtain—

The power to the lab shuts off with a loud, electric click. Everything plunges into darkness with the privacy setting on the glass walls keeping the sun out. It comes back on before Ava can react, the building's primary system switching to the emergency power grid. She and Wyatt lock eyes in panic.

"Oooh man, boss, did I just—"

"I'm sure you didn't," Ava comforts, trying to push down her own panic. It helps that she's heard Tony rambling about the work he's put into making this place indestructible. "JAR?" 

There's no response from the AI. She trades another nervous glace with Wyatt.

"I know it was probably the Nazi shit, but I'm hoping it was the cats," Hannah says, sounding sincere. "I feel like that'll make a much better story."

"Oh my god, did I break JAR?" Wyatt looks between them frantically. "How often does he back up his servers? Did I kill'a piece'a JAR?!"

"I have not been murdered," the AI confirms after nearly a minute of being gone. "The safeguards reported a false positive regarding the programming of Sergeant Barnes' cybernetics. It has been handled."

Ava gives the hologram wall of code a warry look. "Handled by you?" There's a suspicion building in her gut around his phrasing, one that she's not planning on letting out of her teeth. 

"Mr. Stark has a protocol in place that cuts off my servers in the event of any irregular activity. Given the nature of the programming's origin, the system is designed to er on the side of caution."

"That's a really fancy way of dancing around the point, JAR." She's trying to stay civil about this. It's not an easy venture, and she's pretty sure it's not translating at all. Even she can hear the frustration in her voice. "How about we cut the shit, and you tell me what the false positive was."

"There are automated routines running for Sergeant Barnes' implants. They are not harmful; I've taken the liberty of checking them personally now that they've been cleared through quarantine. I am creating a stable update to forward to—"

"How long have they not been harmful, JARVIS?"

Hannah sits up from her relaxed position at the avoidance of their favorite nickname for the AI. Wyatt's brows pull in nervously, his eyes never leaving Ava. They both know exactly what she's digging at.

There's a long hesitation from JARVIS. Short by normal social standards but an eternity for a sentience with quantum processors. "There is not currently a risk posed within the Sergeant's—"

Ava's out of her chair and halfway to the door before he even finishes the omission. Fueled by some of the most intense rage she's ever felt in her life, she marches out on swift feet. She's going to kill him. She's going to string him up—maybe hang him off the side of the tower.

America's fucking Sweetheart, her ass. America's Doomed Liar is a lot more like it.

"Where is he," Ava nearly growls, still stalking down the halls, leaving the medical wing in a hurry. "JARVIS, I know you're still listening; you tell me where that puffed-up, hypocritical—oooh , you tell me where Rogers is right the fuck now. And then you tell me where Stark is—"

"Dr. Ryder, I know you're not inclined to believe this at the moment, but I assure you—"

"You're right; I'm not inclined to do that at all." She takes a deep breath as she passes through the front entrance, slowing herself to a stop. With genuine effort, she pushes down her anger. "I don't want to keep yelling at you. I don't like doing it in the first place. If you don't want to tell me where they are, I'll find them myself."

Ava heads for the elevator to do just that. She's not expecting a response as she pounds the side of her fist against the button for the Datacrux's floor. It's likely to be her best bet to find any of them. There's not a chance in hell that she's letting her team dedicate any more time to this until she gets some fucking explanations.

Halfway along the ride up, the light around the button goes dim. A flash of anger rises in her until she sees the one for the executive level illuminate. 

"Mr. Stark is not currently in the tower, but you will find Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes debriefing in the Situation Room," JARVIS informs her over the elevator's intercom, making the SHEILD agents around her pretend not to look over. She's tempted to ask them if it's the outfit.

"Thank you, JAR," she offers as an olive branch. Regardless of what's truly going on here, she doubts the AI is all that comfortable with the subject.

"You're welcome, Ava."

She's only been to this part of the tower once before. Tony dragged her up to the Avenger's balcony for a party after her divorce was first finalized. That's about the extent of her experience with this section. It's not hard to find her way with everything denoted like it is in the rest of the building.

The palm of her hand smacks against the door marked Situation Room, and she shoves it open aggressively. Both super soldiers, the Falcon, Black Widow, and a scattered group of SHIELD agents stare back at her in surprise. It doesn't slow her down any.

Ava points an irate finger at Steve in the uneasy silence of the room. "Unless New York just caught fire, you and I are about to have a very blunt conversation, captain."

"Hiya, doc." Bucky, unsurprisingly, is the only one in the room smiling at her while she glares daggers at Captain America. He's still in his not-uniform. There's still blood on it. The charm he's throwing her way reminds her that they won't want an audience. 

"I'm going to ask the rest of you to leave," she continues, but her eyes stay on the sergeant as her finger lowers. "I don't think you'll want to be here for this, Bucky."

"What makes you think I don't wanna watch you beat up my best friend?" He leans back in his chair, his hands coming up to rest on his stomach as his smile deepens.

"Can I stay?" Sam asks, his voice eager. It's a damn shame this is how she gets to meet him. She doubts the Falcon has any clue about unethical research.

"Come on," Natasha insists with a serene nod in Ava's direction, grabbing Sam's shirt to drag him up from his chair. "You heard her."

"I—hey!" Steve looks so insulted as he watches his friends and various coworkers abandon him with zero hesitation. "You're just gonna—I don't even know what I did!"

"Neither do I, but I am very ready to hear about it," Bucky assures Ava, not an increasingly distressed Steve.

Ava taps her foot impatiently as the room clears out, leaving her alone with the super soldiers. She ignores the nerves radiating off of one of them and focuses on the one that looks delighted. "I'm serious. This is about your case. Specifically, the work HYDRA was trying to finish."

The mirth leaves Bucky almost entirely. His posture doesn't adjust from its reclined position. "Alright. Tell me what's got you livid about it."

"Steve here made me a promise that was broken in my lab a few minutes ago."

Steve's eyebrows pull in with confusion. "Which promise? Wait—a few minutes ago—Is this about that blackout? Ava, catch me up here; what the hell is—"

"You swore to me that the intention of HYDRA—at least where Bucky's case is concerned—was to make an army of super soldiers, nothing more." She's letting him process this one step at a time. It'll make yelling at him for lying a lot easier. That, and she's honestly worried the technophobe doesn't understand the gravity of the situation.

"I—" Steve hesitates, and she watches the switch to tactical assessment come over him. It's startling to see it directed at her from a face that isn't Bucky's. "As far as I know, that was the intention."

"Yeah? You're sure about that? You're sure you're not omitting something pretty fucking important to my job, Steven?"

"JARVIS, what was the blackout?" Bucky questions at half the volume he started at when she first came in.

Ava points at the sergeant insistently. "See? I'm guessing he doesn't even know, but he's sure as hell already on the right track."

"There was an incident regarding the coding found in your implants, Sergeant Barnes. It has been handled. I have prepared an update to their systems whenever you're ready to undergo a transfer."

"As your doctor, I'm ordering it. We can go back to my office after I'm finished ripping your friend a new asshole for lying to my face." Her eyebrows lower at Bucky in indignation. She's doing this for him, but that doesn't mean she's going to let him off the hook if he knew. "We should probably figure out if I need to do the same to you before we get there."

"Hey, hang on now." Steve raises one hand, likely to try to calm her, but changes his mind and puts it back under the table. She's guessing someone's finally clued in the out-of-time man about that practice making women want to throw something. At his head. "We might not always be able to talk about classified information—something you agreed to, I might add—but I've never lied about HYDRA's intent as far as I comprehend it. I've been very careful to hold up that end of our deal."

"Let me tell you how I know, for a fact, that someone involved in this case is doing a piss-poor job of lying to me about it. Since you haven't quite figured out modern tech, I'm going to try to keep it simple." Ava points a far less aggressive, more instructing finger at Bucky's arm. "In order for that hunk of metal to work, it needs to be programmed. The hardware needs software that can tell it how to read brain signals. A few decades ago, some Nazis sat in a room and wrote a bunch of code for that software. That's what was supposed to be in Bucky's implants. That's all that was supposed to be in Bucky's implants."

"Wait—what the hell else is in them?" The flicker of fear that creeps into Bucky's expression breaks her heart. There's not a doubt in her mind that he could sell her on any lie he wants to with his mind set on it. That's the point of infiltrators like him. 

But Ava's willing to bet everything she's got in this world that the fear in him at the moment is genuine. He doesn't know. And it makes her feel awful.

"Given the size of your implants, I'm guessing not much," she tries to reassure. "We can always purge whatever is there later. However, if the code were as simple as 'read this signal, do this thing,' it wouldn't have been flagged as untouchable by Tony's security measures. The ones put in specifically to prevent JARVIS from being corrupted." She crosses her arms over her chest in exasperation, her eyes moving to one of the small security cameras on the ceiling. "Would you like to explain to the captain what kind of code it would take to accomplish that, JARVIS?"

There's another human-length moment of hesitation from the AI in response. "It would take adapting code."

"The part he's holding back—definitely because he's under orders not to break SHIELD protocol—is that something has to be driving the adaptation. There is such a thing as self-adapting code; that would absolutely explain it. If we weren't talking about something made in the 40s when HYDRA needed entire warehouses just to house a few terabytes of data." She glances over at Bucky. "While I'm sure the agents you scare the piss out of would disagree, your head isn't actually big enough to hold that much."

"You flirtin' with me to stop the panic or to apologize for not being Canadian for a minute?"

Ava blinks in surprise, the slightest hint of heat coming up the sides of her neck. That—she hadn't been—well. Steve's head turns to him, his eyebrows raising in mild shock.

Bucky clears his throat, then tries for a quiet chuckle, his eyes floating between her and the table. "Sorry—it's this damn room. Puts me in sergeant mode, makes me—let's get back to yelling at Steve."

"Thanks, asshole, I appreciate—"

"What makes you think I won't yell at you just because I'm Canadian?" Ava counters, finally recovering. "You trying to stereotype me, Barnes?"

The relief that comes off of Bucky is palpable. "I'd go for the hippie thing first if I was trying to do that."

"Didn't you sleep through the McCarthy era?"

"HYDRA gave me the long and short of it between naps."

Her hand flies up to her face to block a loud snort. Damn him, this is serious. But she's not about to begrudge him the gallows humor. She lowers it again while he smirks at her. "Do you mind? I'm trying to make an angry but valid point here."

"About a bunch of code that my head isn't big enough for," he continues for her dryly, one hand coming off his stomach to gesture up at it.

Ava sighs, the amusement from getting sidetracked by the Brooklyn heartstopper fading fast. "Not big enough by the standards of the 40s. By today's standards?" Her head tilts to the side sadly, readying herself to watch that fear in him get more substantial. "You tell me, Buck. Did the Nazis work in the mindset of single projects, or did they work in the mindset of generations that would lead a global empire?"

The words are the last piece to complete the puzzle in Bucky's mind; Ava can see it happen in his eyes. The expression of horror it yanks out of him will haunt her for the rest of her days. "Zola." 

It's said in a whisper, and Ava's not even sure what the word is. 

It takes Steve longer to reach whatever conclusion Buckys come to, and he looks resistant to the idea at first. "No, that's... no—Buck, you've been to what's left. You know what it took—"

"That's the point she's making, stupid. Look at how small everything's gotten." He stops, and Ava doesn't miss the sight of a hard swallow. "It makes sense. Think about it. It makes sense. They took care of the car until they could find an engine that fit. I was the prototype. Or—was going to be, at least."

The comparison—the one he's using on himself—is revolting. Accurate, but astoundingly revolting. She pushes past it, leaning down to tap a condescending nail on the table. "Hi, there. Still here. Still looking for some answers. What the hell is Zola?"

With Steve watching him like a hawk, Bucky breathes a long, tired sigh. "Not what. Who." 

"I can fill her in," Steve offers to him quickly. "You don't have to do this."

"Oh, I'm not doing shit. She's going to do it all." Bucky locks eyes with Ava, his expression passive. Having the Winter Soldier himself that focused in on her makes her breath catch involuntarily. "How's your Russian, doc?"

"I don't speak a word of it. Do I need to for this?"

"No, I'm sure you've got plenty of ways to translate anything you feel like reading. You should look up doveryai, no proveryai while you're at it." He leans forward, resting his arms on the table. His eyes never once move away from hers. "JARVIS, transfer a copy of my archive access to Dr. Ryder. Full permissions. And the next time she asks you a hard question, you don't have to bullshit her. Tell her to call me."

—

April 6th, 2015

"I want you to bring me with you next time."

"No."

"Is that a no because you do not agree or because you are afraid of mother?"

"Both."

Shuri frowns at the security feed, ignoring the quiet laughter she can hear coming from Nakia on the other end. "Coward."

The camera mounted on T'Challa's dashboard shakes as he turns it back to his face, his expression annoyed. "Say that to my—"

"Coward."

T'Challa rolls his eyes and turns the camera back around as Nakia laughs harder. He will be mopey now, for sure. "I am not taking you to stare at a soldier's office with us."

"Why not?"

"To start with, I refuse to be trapped in a car with you for that amount of time."

"You should be so lucky! Now, what is the real reason."

"What part of royal family do you not—"

"You get to go to these things."

"And when you leave your lab long enough to learn to use the spears of your foremothers, that privilege can extend to you."

"Okoye is always ready to teach you, Shuri," Nakia offers up diplomatically. 

"I do not need a spear to sit in a car annoying my brother," Shuri argues. They always do this to her. She is tired of it.

"You do not need to sit in a car annoying your bother at all." The moping has already started. She can hear it in T'Challa's voice.

"Fine. I will go to Ava's house and stay there while—"

"No."

Shuri slams her hands down on her desk, making the various instruments on it rattle precariously. "She is my family, too!"

There's silence on the other end in the wake of her anger. Then the camera turns again, this time by Nakia's hand. She doesn't stop the spin until it's pointed to show her and T'Challa. He does not look as annoyed anymore. He looks guilty.

Nakia gives her a sympathetic smile. "No one is trying to take that from you. We are only trying to keep you safe. We do not know how far Alec is willing to take things."

"And I am not willing to present the man with more temptations of power," T'Challa adds, the guilt on his face shifting to resignation. "It is not simply because I am afraid of our mother. I agree with her. And with our father. Alec Harlow is a man that is losing everything. That is a powerful motivator, Shuri."

"I am not afraid of that spineless demon," Shuri insists angrily. "I could handle him myself, thank you very much."

"Half the school children in Wakanda could," Nakia mocks under her breath.

She gets a stern look from T'Challa before he focuses it on Shuri. "It is not his strength we are concerned with. It is the allies he can call upon at any time. Men with strength and resources that we do not wish to deal with."

Some of the fight leaves her. Not much, but it does ebb. Her brother might be an idiot, but he is right about this. Ava would not be this afraid for no reason. She has been trying to disguise it when Nakia brings her for visits, which is how Shuri knows it is serious.

"I hate that man, brother." The word is far too inadequate. The contempt she holds for the worm who put fear in the heart of her favorite mad scientist feels immeasurable.

"As do I. As do we all." T'Challa smiles at her finally, his face softening. "I promise to bring you to hit him if he is ever arrested. That is when I will deem it safe enough."

"How many times?" she chases after quickly. "Can I bring a weapon?"

"You can bring exactly one weapon. Can you guess what it is?" The smile turns sarcastic as he reaches out and turns the camera back around to face Alec's office window. 

"I do not need a spear to break that man."

"No, you need it so I can stop being lectured by Okoye for enabling your avoidance of tradition."

"That will not help. She wishes for me to sit through her lessons. I would just bring the spear to hit him over the head with."

Nakia laughs, the sound light and soothing. "I am surprised you did not go straight for the idea of skewering him."

Tilting her head down at her desk, Shuri hesitates. She picks up the ridiculous coffee mug Ava got her, spinning it around in her hands with somber movements. 

Ava's last visit had been especially hard to stomach. The woman had looked so... empty as she talked about the start of the divorce. There had been no vengeful joy in her as she told Shuri's father she understood the gravity of the situation. No hard-won victory in her posture. There had only been grief and shame.

Shuri sighs, turning away from the screen to head for her lab's kitchen. She is going to fill the mug with one of the teas that Ava brings her. It will be a nice change from the energy drinks she has been binging. "No. I... I do not wish the man dead. I only wish to see him locked away somewhere he can never smile again."

—author end notes—

there’s one sentence in this chapter that is 14 words long (including contractions) that is the entire foundation of their incoming dom/sub and oh my g o d when i tell you that shit was cathartic to write 😫🤌 some day when this is finished, im gonna write a whole goddamn dissertation on that one sentence and all the narrative shit that tied into it in this fic so help me (YOURE ALLOWED TO GUESS BTW)

anyways, everyone is alive in wakanda bc i said so. and nakia and t’challa are really stupid uber mega important to ava’s backstory

i feel like we’ve all, as a species, Been Through Enough. you can talk my ear off abt anything, but dont talk to me abt the opening of wakanda forever i will Literally Die, i havent cried that hard over the first watch of a movie in so fucking long and i dont think im strong enough for a second. all i ever need for binging is winter soldier and black panther anyhow (FATWS is still growing on me and i only like it so far bc im a sambucky shipper. and a stucky shipper. and a 3 musketeer shipper. and a—i like making buckaroo be in love a lot. lets just. leave it at that). we can stop with the big owies thanks. let me escape to the fictional world where everyone is alive and Nothing Hurts, t h a n k s.

well. okay. some things are gonna hurt in this. probably really super bad too and youre gonna be really really mad at me when it hits. but like. theyre set up for comfort pay off so does it even really count??? i didnt think so, ty for agreeing 😌

ily 💖 tyty for reading 💞 and tyty in advance for yelling at me when i eventually hurt u ❤️🥰 i will understand, its okay, u are entitled to the emotional compensation on that one

[puppet2611]

//from 4.24.23

daniel said to write more in here and im in a5 brainrot hell so

THIS PART OF A5 WAS ACTUALLY TAKEN FROM AN EARILER CONCEPT OF LF...

ok so its nothing too specific or special - just that the characters zodiacs have a special part in their stories ig 💥💥

well it only rlly applies to micheal and adam ngl

micheals a goat and adams a monkey 💥💥 (im talking abt chinese/birth year zodiacs)

this doesnt go into anything too deep, goat just means sacrifice and monkey is just a reference to a monkeys paw

micheal is really the only thing the family ever had to sacrifice and it fits in with him being catholic soo why not!! adams just a horrible bad luck attractor btw. ollies luck is sm better when hes not around

oh yeah abt oliver i decided hes gonna either b transfem or bigender 👍👍 he/she prns r fine & he goes by oliver, ollie or oliver :]

might as well continue and finish it idk

olivers also bi-romantic & asexual :3

adam and micheal r both cissies/lhj... adams deadass just gay and micheal is panromantic asexual ^_^ only reason adams not ace is for my sillu dilly rps with mfs on chai/hj

I WISH I HAD SONGS TO ASSIGN THEM BUT I RLLY DINT HAVE ANYTHING RN... i guess olivias sweet tooth by cavetown but thats like it lmfao

THIS IS SO WRONG NOW... NEW MICHEAL CONCEPT (replying to micheals old concept design)

2nd img is after death/ in the afterlife !! dont mind the text

SHITPOST ART OF HIM FROM A MAGMA WITH BUGZ BTW 😭😭 its too goofy not to show

stupid gay/j

OH YEAH I HAVE TO ADD CONTEXT TO THIS BUT UHMM I WAS RPING AS ADAM WITH A RANDOM CHARACTER FROM A FANDOM IM IN AND THEY GOT TOO FRUITY. THIS POPPED IN MY MIND WHILE I WAS OUT SHOPPING W/ MY DAD 😦 the canon charaer on first img. im cringe and a oc x canon shipper

this was set after micheals death kind of in a au where adam doesnt get depression and fixates on him for years on end 💀 but anyways itd kinda be funny if it wasnt // if they had an open relationship but when micheal finds out hes just like. "you fucked the mf bishop of the basilica?? how am i gonna show up to church each week w/o him staring at me funny now." 😭😭

anyways that eas just a random thought

i was thinking that red would be yhe overall main color for the story :3c adam already wears red usually, red is practically going to be micheals main color in art concepts i have and oliver just looks good in it lol

oh i forgot to mention earlier

i havent done the math for what year oliver wouldve been born in but im thinking his zodiac would be a dog.. theres nothing big behind it either, its just that hes kinda lost w/o adam or micheal and would probably run back to them no matter what - slight reference to the song like a dog ^^ - but its also kinda based on the fact habit said he gave off doberman vibes lol

unless yall rlly wanna judge them based off their birth month zodiacs i dont think ill give them actual birthdays 💀 but micheals birthday is april 5, just because its kind of a main part to yhe story.. (ihy server stfu abt zodiacs for one second challenge fr. i got called slurs bcz im a leo)

mentioning this again!!

i have basic ideas on how to draw scenes attached to the lyrics now :)

"see how his feet miss the ground" - plain red background against two feet just kinda dangling from the top. the lyrics are right below the shadow

"and he falls inside a hole he dug for me" - i really didnt know what to for this even after hours of thinking since micheal never planned to kill adam or anything alike so i just opted to have adam standing there in shock again, against a plain red background. theres might be a little of that on his hands too :]

"the kind of irony youd read in bible stories" - shillouette of micheal sitting up jn his grave. the backgrounds still red. hes holding a white book with yellow text on it ^_^ you might be able to infer what the book is from the lyrics imo (replying to another msg. too long to include )

i might make a bunch more oc x canon (8:11) interactions soon too :33 or crossover stuff

like ryker meeting both emilio and oliver (mc meeting lol) or emilio meeting micheal since micheal wanted to be a priest but last minute settled for being a jeweler 😞

i deadass kinda want micheal to meet my friends oc felix but i have not the slightest idea how that would work

ooo micheal and aster meeting would be cool too ( old jewelery making mfs/silly )

Anyways that's all I've got for now!! i might come back jn a bit or some other time ^^

[woozi]

yza beloved 🥰🥰🤍

first of all, did you listen to jinyoung's title track?? how do you feel about it? <3 the whole concept pictures, teasers felt so unreal 😭 i couldn't believe it's finally happening. i'm so happy <3 he came out with such a vibe-y, dancey song i love it! and ofc the rest 4 emotional songs ❤️‍🩹😭 served c*nt in concept pictures and emotional lyrics in the album lmaoo, while we're on this topic how have you been liking the albums def released recently 🥺? i saw jaebeom is also releasing something soon but haven't gotten time to check the details hfjdjd

black eye literally went on top of my 'on repeat' playlist after just two kr three days and it's still there!! hdjdjdkd i love it so much, the composition, lyrics and mostly vernon's voice 😭🔥 this kind of genre fits him so well <3 i want him to release an album already 😔. i said this before too ( to so many people 😭💀) when 2 minus 1 came out, that he gives a mix of 5sos - green day vibes, i love it so much 😋

also the band live performance was so goood HDSKJSKSKSBD HE LOOKS SO FINE IN MV AS WELL AS BAND LIVE VIDEO AND ALSO FULL AGREE WITH YOU THEY SHOULD'VE USED THE BLACK TANK TOP FIT MORE 😭😭😭😭 I CAN'T HDDJDJ (never thought i'd get biaswrecked by him at all 😭) the way they created the band live video was great! but i wish they used the green screen a little less 😭 just personal preference. also so so excited about booseoksoon comeback <3 january is a gift which keeps giving ( i say this without even knowing what date bss single is dropping 💀) hdksks love that

love to know that you got to have some time for yourself, hope work load - deadlines aren't too much <3 ( if there are any more ), hope your real break comes soon!!

also, have you started any series or drama? i'm currently watching doom at your service, a year late but im finally here dhdjdj it's been great so far! i really love the character seo inguk has played 😭🤍 ( the pace in some episodes is a little slow to my liking </3 but it's bearable because of the cute couple, not really liking the sub plot 😭, can you tell i solely started it because of seo inguk?- ) anyway yes the drama is good 🤍😭

thank YOU for hanging out, i always have fun 🥺🤍 sending best days wishes as always, love you yza <333 rest well in between of work!

MA CHERIE <3333333333333333

im gonna get stoned for this but i havent been keeping up with the sevens lately and am now just a svtpoppie 😭 BUT IVE SEEN ALL OF THE PHOTOS <333 its exactly what i'd expect from him tbh 😋 ALSO JB'S IS SO FJKDFJKJDFKJFDKJKFDJKFD that's so him tbh,, but also so slay of him it's v unique <3 ALSO FORGOT TO TELL U FDKJFDJKDFKJFDJ i accidentally came across ponytail on spotify 😭😭 it was on shuffle and i didnt even know it was yugyeom i was just like,, what THE FUCK THIS IS SO GOOD (and the vocals havent even kicked in yet) and when i checked it was him 😭

ALSO URE SOOOOOO VALID <3 it fits him so well and i'm glad thats the route he chose to take for his solo tbh <3 early 2000s vernon i lov u

AND IK???????????? honestly i love how raw the band ver sounds i even prefer it more than the official one fdkjdfjdf but that also has its own charm and i understand why they produced it that way <3 ALSO AGREED LMFAOOOOOOOOO 😭😭 i got the concept they were going for but it was a little distracting to me (a lil funny even) ALSO CB THIS DAY HAS COME WE ALL NEED TO BE DOLLYS <#333333333333 the thing abt the svteenies is that they just have SOOO much to offer im a lil overwhelmed at times but im also so glad i cant wait for bss and ITS 😋

AND IM ON BREAK FR <3333333 classes for the next (and my final omg??) semester start 2nd week of february hehehe BUT WBU WHAT HAVE U BEEN UP TO <33

nooo i've actually been looking for things to watch but all my sister has been recommending me western series (sitcoms) but those r not really my vibe fdjkfdjkdf so i'll def be checking the drama u mentioned out ehehhe 😋

I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO OUR LIL HANGOUTS 🥺🥺 lov u even more wishing u only have sexy days ahead <33 MWAHH

[lesbianwilby]

obligatory 📕📕📕📕📕📕📕 in response (the superior book emoji in my opinion)

in entirely unrelated news i just made ramen with bacon (sounds very american ik)

in my defense i wanted pork broth but all i have is chicken bullion so i soaked cooked bacon into my broth w/ the chicken bullion while cooking, honestly this fucks super hard

also didn't have zuccini so i fried cucumber instead, also fucks hard

i DID have homemade chilli oil tho so i added that too. and mushrooms

i just like talking abt ramen ok, there's a fried egg on top

kk im done share fic ideas please and thank you

god that ramen sounds SO good holy shit..... esp the egg mmmmm eggs r one of my favorite foods i eat them a lot LMAO

okok au time i did already tell u ur hearing ab my pokemon au!! so i kinda have all the gym leaders planned out n everything but what im going to focus on in this is the elite four + champion which is!! boatem :D ill be completely honest i dont have anything down for impulse or pearl YET other than their team types (impulse has an electric type team n pearl has a rock type team) but the other three have a bit of stuff

also!!! every pokemon has a link to an image of them :3 including the ones u almost certainly already know LMAO

grian: he's the ghost type elite four member!! i think this is probs a bit unexpected but 🫶 i tried messing w other types (specifically dragon n flying) n couldn't rly make a team that i felt fully fit him yk?? ill be completely honest im very biased towards ghost types so thats probs part of why i chose this for him LMAO

- dusknoir (my pmd bias has struck. this will not be the last time)

- mismagius

- gengar (look at me and tell me grian wouldn't have a gengar i DARE u)

- sableye (its the pmd bias again)

- dragapult

- altaria (fun fact!! im saving a spot on my emerald team for a swablu to name after him :3 i have a grovyle named after scar n a ralts named after mumbo so far)

• he also has a natu he named professor beak!! the natu is a gift from mumbo :3

• he runs a flying type sanctuary!! he takes in any injured flying type pokemon (usually wild but sometimes pokemon released by their owners, usually ones that were harmed by careless trainers + abandoned by other pokemon but sometimes other cases happen) n he cares for them in a sorta rehab program

• reason 4 ghost: he weirdly attracts them?? nobody's sure why but he never fights any of them off n actually welcomes them.. he regularly has a group of sinisteas and a polteageist following him <- i could totally come up w a reason as to why he attracts them n i have some ideas

• while he did go out + catch his team they r all still very closely bonded to him (except altaria who was from the sanctuary, it was released by a trainer n was already pretty powerful n it bonded to him thru care n basically like forced itself onto his team LMAO)

• professor beak does not fight but he does go w grian everywhere. its rare to see grian w/o any ghost types ANYWHERE but u NEVER see him w/o professor beak

mumbo: he's the psychic type CHAMPION! yeah mumbos the champion 😎 originally i considered having there be no champion bc i couldn't choose but then i was like "wait a sec .mumbo was ceo (until he wasnt) he should probs be the champion" hes also the only one to have a team w every pokemon being the type o chose for them so far!! i love psychic types theyre my favorite ralts is my second favorite pokemon + fav gen 3 pokemon (my fav gen) which is why i have one named after him :3 i chose psychic for him partly cuz bias partly bc i thought it was funy to have mumbo of all people to be a psychic type trainer

- espeon

- lunatone (was planning to have pearl have one on her team so this might not be set in place?? or maybe they both have one idk)

- musharna

- gothitelle

- meowstic (havent chosen what gender his is n probs never will 🫶)

- gardevoir (RAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this totally could read as pmd bias but its not i just adore this line sm every time i play rse i have to have one on my team idc how long it takes me esp since the spawn rates r kinda low)

• so .he originally didn't want to be a trainer LMAO

• the only pokemon he had for YEARS was an eevee n he never planned to get more

• obviously that didn't stay that way ^_^ one night he got kinda cornered by .idk some fucking pokemon n his eevee tried to help but hes literally never fought a battle w it before so it didn't go too well n waoh omg guess what saves him!!!!! a ralts!!!!! yes this is like .cheesy or wtevr no i dont care its my pokemon au i can do what i want

• after this mumbo is like "o shit mayb i should train my pokemon" n he catches the ralts n trains both it n his eevee up n along the way catches the other pokemon on his team (mostly in similar situations to the ralts .psychic type pokemon r attracted to his swagless charm <33)

• n eventually the eevee evolves into espeon!! wow omg who couldve seen that coming

• anyways yea he became a psychic type trainer completely on accident n kinda became champion just for fun 😭 n when he beat the og elite four in whatever region they're in n the champion he just kinda left n like a few days later he gets a call n it goes like "hello?" "hey yo mumbo ur the champion rn .u got a battle to fight some guy wants to fight u" "HUH?"

• somehow nobody told him that beating the champion made u the champion ?also the guy who wanted to fight him was grian 🫶

scar: grass type elite four member!! yea kinda predictable but it FITS ok

- roserade

- abomasnow

- whimsicott

- sawsbuck (its form changes w the seasons so this is the summer form!!)

- mawile (realizing now theres a lot of gen 3 within these teams wow i wonder what games i played growing up Clueless)

- alcremie

• scar my beloved in this au .hes actually the leader of the evil team LMAO

• fun fact !he has a different team for that (lmk if u wana see it i have it planned too) n a different outfit n shit n hes like "oh surely nobody knows its me Clueless" everyone knows its him

• him + his team doesn't do enough bad shit for anyone to kick him off the elite four or do anything ab it or anything LMAO

• cubs the other leader in case u were wondering

• i dont think his team needs an explanation

• HOWEVER like grian he also has a pokemon that he goes everywhere with but never battles w!!! his is a skitty named jellie :3 bc ofc i had to fit her in (n ofc .to nobody's surprise out of any cat pokemon there is i chose a gen 3 one)

these r all the details i have completely planned?? i def have other things down in my head i just haven't typed it all up yet 😓

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol