#havent posted art in 6 days so you guys get something old

[legends-live-in-memories]

I Have Too Many Opinions. ep. 1

lmao. i got encouragement to post my opinions on fandom things and now i want to make a miniseries doing just that. so here i am. doing just that.

im putting it under the cut cuz this was 4 whole pages including the disclaimer. yes i put a disclaimer and i explain why.

Anyways, here is the first piece in what inevitably will become fandom info dump, this time on thomas astruc’s writing on miraculous ladybug. but only some of my opinions cuz we would be here all day otherwise.

So… a disclaimer before I begin… 

I do not hate Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir (yes i'm using their government name). I am quite a fan of the show actually despite its faults. I am also older than the intended audience but was obviously younger when the show first aired which is how my interest was piqued (the fact that its been 6 years and only 3 seasons says more about the show than me being a fan for that amount of time but also i never want to rush content creators cuz they're doing their best) and due to my age, there will be inherent bias in my approach of what i'm about to say as there is in EVERY opinion. The fact that it is an opinion should imply the presence of bias but most people tend to lack the critical thinking skills required to draw that conclusion ANYWAYS…

If I did hate the show I would not have this blog nor would I be even writing this because i tend to not give more than 2 seconds of thought to things i actively dislike (some of yall should give this a try) and i'm allowed to like things that are designed for an audience that i was originally a part of but grew out of. (I don't suddenly stop liking things because I'm older despite what many younger fans seem to believe about older audiences. I also don't need to be ‘allowed’ to do anything cuz i wasn't asking for permission anyways.)

This will not be character bashing, astruc bashing nor fandom bashing cuz, again, that would imply i hate any of those elements and if i did, i would not dedicate brainpower to them. Analyses and criticisms of media are fun and engaging and required if you wish to produce good enjoyable content. Now most of this should be already assumed and self-explanatory but people on the internet like to play morality roulette roll dice on purity culture and I rather have documentation that I am in fact not bullying fictional 14 year olds or a grown man. But alas, people get trigger happy whenever someone has less than 1000000% positive opinions on something they like and will throw out words they can't define (gaslight, baiting, toxic, problematic, gatekeep etc) in an attempt to defend their blind devotion, 

which is not needed, if you like something you never have to defend it, even if i don't like it. If you respond to anything I post saying you disagree with me, I will not argue with you. I won't debate back and forth and try to convince you that the things you like are wrong. Unless you are being absolutely tone deaf to what i'm saying, you wont get a negative reaction from me. So don't try to fish for a fight. Please. I got metaphorical hands for days and I'm mean, you don't want me hurting your feelings on the internet. Do yourself the favour. Difference of opinion is how we get diversification in media and is inherently a good thing. Now that that's out of the way, please don't ever let me have to say that again. I beg.

Now onto the fun stuff

I didn't know what I wanted as a first topic so my trusty internet friend @moonlitceleste suggested astruc’s writing… 

AND BOI do i got some opinions on ole tommy boi. Again I don't hate the dude. In fact, he has worked on a few shows that had defined my childhood, including but not limited to W.I.T.C.H. (all eps available on youtube for those interested, 2 seasons, general fun time all around).

So I don't think he’s scum of the earth but I do think his approach to writing mlb specifically has more misses than hits.

The first big miss is that he has no idea how to write 14 year old girls. At all. Almost every girl he has ever written feels like some terrible archetype built entirely for marketability and childish projection and pubescent self-insert (kind of). He has never been a 14 year old girl. I have. In fact when the show first aired, I WAS around the (assumed) age of the mlb characters. The behaviour he passes off as quirky or awkward or just the character’s genuine personality tend to perpetuate harmful stereotypes of teen girls found in the media and are never actually addressed as harmful. they just get swept under the rug. Marinette’s exuberant collage of teen heart throb model boi Adrien Agreste and her very painful almost fan worship she has of him (which flip flops like a paper sandal in the rain) being portrayed as a cute school girl crush uwu, Chloe being the y7 Regina George, Alya being the token best friend of colour with her ‘sassy’ personality (i want y'all to imagine me eyerolling so hard i bust a vessel in my eye), Kagami being the very damaging Perfect Asian Child stereotype. And before y'all get on your dusty soap box and defend going on about “BUT IT'S FOR CHILDREN”,,,, know this.

 i don’t give a solid fuck. 

Not one. 

Children arent stupid. Children are always going to remember the richy bitchy blonde who bullies the art kid, and the big kid, and the shy kid, and the non white kids, and was only nice to her equally rich white friend who she probably had a crush on or was only ever civil to her equally white lapdog. They're going to remember the half asian girl who was never allowed to actually be asian or the only black girl who existed solely as a soundboard for enabling bad habits or chastising the main character for the same habits she enables in the first place (boi aint THAT a topic for later). Like do i really need to explain that alya chastising marinette for taking max’s spot in gamer just to play with adrien rings absolutely hollow when she actively encourages her to sabotage the contest she’s in just so Kagami doesn't win?? Like I don't have to explain that right?? Again kids arent stupid and its quite something that Mari gets chastised for proving herself the best video game player regardless of her intentions just cuz it comes at the expense of max’s feelings/ego but is actively encouraged to sabotage not only kagami but herself by extension cuz kagami is ‘competition.’ Adrien is not a trophy to be won. And no I don't expect 14 yrs old to be perfect and to always make good decisions but these decisions are never addressed as being bad decisions. they get swept under the rug cuz those decisions were necessary for the ‘plot’ but astruc can barely keep characterization consistent and his characters suffer for it and it's the same children you preach are watching it that suffer as well. Cuz guess what? I KNOW 14 yr olds aren't like that cuz i've been there done that (this is the last time i'm saying that i promise) so I know astruc is just metaphorically throwing darts to figure out who says and does what without consideration for pre established personalities to drive the stalemate plot along. The same kids you say are watching this don't know that that's not how preteens work and will absorb and internalize those dynamics like baking soda and vinegar. Cata-fucking-strophically. 

And I haven't even gotten to the boys yet. Which honestly doesn't require much explanation anyways cuz they suffer the same fate as the girls. Tired archetypes with nothing to give them life. Nino falls into Adrien’s person of colour token best friend who dates the female lead’s person of colour token best friend so they can have cute double dates uwu. Except the plot goes nowhere and we have no inclination of romantic development beyond moments that only act to actively convince me to anti ship the lovesquare (i don't want to do that so i self indulge in fanon that actually cares about the characters and plot. may i interest you in True Sight on AO3?). Max is the residential nerd but it doesn't matter (cuz he and everyone are dumbed down for the sake of ‘plot’), kim is the sports jock (which interestingly subverts the asian comedic relief stereotype but only barely) and luka is cute older guy ™ that wears black nail polish and is in a band. The point of all this is to say there is no depth in the characters. It's especially blatantly obvious with the characters astruc doesn't like (chloe). Again, it being a show for kids is not an excuse to be absolved of putting effort into the characters you make.

This is one of the biggest misses astruc has. I haven't even gone into all the nuances of this particular miss. And i havent gone into how that works against him in the plot either. Mostly because the plot itself hasn't gone anywhere and partially because I wanted to go into the plot (or lack thereof) separately as its own miss. 

AND BOI is it a miss. 

SO home boy astruc wanted to reap the benefits of a serial show with ‘engaging’ plot without putting in any of the work to make a linear storyline and relying on the episodic format for, again, marketability. You can't have the best of both worlds, you are not Avatar: The Last Airbender. Which btw has a lot less episodes and a desired end goal that didn't involve top dollar. Legend of Korra did but that's not the point and it had its failings with that too. I challenge you, tell me how many episodes actually contribute towards a plot point or introduce new thematic elements to the show? Can you name them? I can and I'm going to include the plot points that moved the story in some direction if only temporarily. Yes only temporarily for some of these and i will explain later. (if you're in the server you already saw this list *wink*)

25/26. Origins- self explanatory, the beginning of the story, 

24. Volpina- introduction of the grimoire and Master Fu (kind of) and no, Lila is not a plot point,

28. The Collector- proper introduction of Master Fu,

37. Sapotis- introduction of Rena Rouge,

41. Syren- introduction of new aquatic power ups,

44. Anansi- introduction of Carapace,

47. Frozer- introduction of new ice power ups,

48/49. Style Queen- introduction of Queen Bee,

51/52. Heroes’ Day- introduction of Mayura and mass akumatization,

66. Startrain- introduction of Pegasus,

67. Kwami Buster- Marinette wears multiple miraculouses,

68. Feast- backstory as to how the miraculouses were lost,

69. Ikari Gozen- introduction of Ryuko,

70. Timetagger- introduction of Bunnyx,

71. Party Crasher- introduction of Roi Singe and Viperion,

73. Chat Blanc- alternate timeline that essentially means nothing but got a reaction out of fans anyways (myself included)

 77/78. Love Eater/Battle of Miraculous- Marinette becomes guardian and other heroes lose their miraculous,

New York Special- other heroes exist and there is an American miraculous box,

That's 21 episodes. 21 out of a heaping 78 plus 2 specials. Everything else was just your typical akuma of the day episode and everything that happened outside that had no lasting consequences on the plot thanks to the miraculous status quo. Was it entertaining to watch Lila stir the plot of the class dynamic? Hell yeah. Too bad it meant nothing by the end of the episode cuz we were struck with miraculous status quo. She literally doesn't appear again until Heroes Day. that is from episodes 25 all the way to 51, she means nothing and yet she is treated with the severity of a b-villain/rival thing. She means nothing by the end of Volpina if I'm being honest. She is only relevant for 20 mins of episode time she’s in then it's back to magic status quo that undoes any shift in dynamics and relationships. It's like Spongebob who can't get his driver’s license. The worst part is I actually like Lila and I wish the story treated her with the seriousness we as an audience are expected to treat her with. Despite being painfully inconsequential by the end of each of the 3?? 4?? episodes she’s in, it's entertaining to watch a character create drama just because. 

Too bad it means nothing.

Astruc is constantly building up suspense to something ‘important’ only for it to not deliver and fans are constantly having the rug pulled out from under us. Oblivio teased us with a reveal only that gets undone cuz memory akuma. Chat Blanc teased us with romantic development but that gets undone cuz time travel bullshit. Feast introduced more miraculous lore and the history of the guardians but that means nothing by the next episode or ever (i'm not including any reference to the season 4 trailer cuz i've been around the block a few times and im familiar with this lil dancy dance). Heroes Day teased us with a possible future team of heroes but that gets undone in Battle of Miraculous cuz ????? why?? (here's why; astruc was having a jolly ole time letting us know how irredeemable Chloe is at the expense of shooting his own stagnant plot in the foot. Again, discussion for later.)

Too bad anything that slightly swerves off course from the akuma of the day gets undone or ignored. Too bad nothing has any lasting consequence. I mean, if anything did, the episodes would have had a consistent order and release schedule so im not scrambling to watch the leaked ep in Portuguese or something while the french dub is two episodes behind while the english version hasnt even been dubbed. I really wonder how he plans to conclude the show when he’s so afraid to step out of the corner he painted himself in.

Again, not going into nuances. If you want you can ask for more specifics (i doubt anyone would) but this is really just a slightly detailed general overview of my opinions on astruc’s writing. 

I was going to include another miss in his approach to this show but imma save that for another time. 

How’s that for a ‘first’ post?

[pestopascal]

While I will absolutely agree that CB2077 isn’t the ONLY game doing all this bullshit, or that other AAA studios don’t deserve the flack CDPR is getting, I have to say that this is absolutely the perfect storm and I think people are FINALLY seeing the problems in modern AAA gaming. CB2077 might be fun to play, may have a good story, but it’s almost impossible to see because of the glaring issues. Which, honestly, is a good thing. I hope games change after this.

under here

AAA studios have been like this and this sort of release has been completely normalised on all accounts by both the businesses themselves and fans because of the inherent reliance on modders (bethesda at the forefront of this), as well as the pushback every time companies actually go ‘uh we need a lil more time’ (although... they just shouldnt announce potential release dates, im even of the camp they shouldnt even start releasing the game until like 6 months out from their official date because they fuck it up every time. borderlands 3 being the only game i know of being in “secret” development and then announcing itself in march for a september release. game itself aside, thats how companies should do it). easily i can remember a lot of 2011 release games which have had the exact same issues as cp77′s release, and then every other game in between since. very rarely do you actually have a game that isn’t a fucked up mess of a pile of pixels. and it is always the customisable character ones that are honestly, genuinely, ugly looking at release. but you can definitely say its been happening looooooong before 2011, with unrealistic expectations, word limits, 11 month time frames, offloading sequels to smaller companies so they can suffer if it fails, etc etc. the entire system has been like this for so long... they dont know any real different nowadays.

i mean look. tlou2 released under crunch conditions this year, and was rewarded. it was ALL over the social media feeds, it was quite the controversy because, surprise surprise, the company promised they wouldnt do it uwu and then. bam ! crunch conditions. literally around that time too, bioware employees came out with a statement saying ‘man we wish dai FAILED so that back in 2014 we couldve proven crunch was a wrong practice’. they say this as well after having to produce da2 in 14 months, which just suffered from fans and journalism for reusing environments, because it was produced in 14 months, and honestly? no one pointed that out back then, bioware themselves pointed it out again this year, 6 years after release, that that game was produced in 14 months. rdr2′s release was hounded by stories of crunch, and they all disappeared into the night because... it was heralded as the best game of all time. that was 2018, 2 years ago.

i think too is that some people get kind of ... morally and ethically concerned. which is understandable. can you consume something when you know it was made under conditions like crunch? and i think one of the most confronting things about it is that 9/10, not only has your favourite company engaged in crunch conditions, they almost actively choose to continue with them. and then that’s a whole other bag of issues blown up over there when it comes to what is able to be consumed what isn’t etc etc

i think also like a mix of marketing, promises and then the expectations of what the game will be like have really had cdpr earn the ire of fans which is just like... you don’t believe what these companies are saying. you never should, esp when it’s their ceo’s saying it who don’t work on the actual floor. bioware itself is the main culprit of doing this to the point they finally came around with all the da4 concept art and teasing to be like ‘ummm but actually dont get invested?’. remember all that qunari lady fanart that bioware management was like ... please dont get attached? yeah. yeah. like at what point as well is there going to be heavy level of apprehension to approach this? and i can’t really talk either, i cracked open the door for mass effect again. i know exactly what kind of shit bioware will pull, i know they are teasing it already on social media, but mass effect is my ride or die series. that’s why people keep opening the door on letting these companies get away with it. and you can’t fault fans entirely either because this is down to a science of how to get money. i mean, fuck, mass effect andromeda’s entire advertising campaign HINGED on the n7 logo. for the nostalgia value. and i see text posts in the same vein of both ‘guys, disney isnt gonna fuck you if you consume every remake for nostalgia value’ and ‘its understandable why people do it’.

so then you have to go ‘well are fans as just to blame’ and then that’s a whole other argument.

i think also like. i personally havent run into aaaannnyyyyyyy of the issues that you see posted online. which is ironic bc 1) i play on ps4 and 2) its an old dusty ps4. in fact a lot of ppl i have spoken to who have had issues have played on pc. does this mean the glitches dont exist? ofc not, the vids and screenshots are right there. but like... ive had a basically unhindered experience so far, and i get where ppl are coming from (i do, i promise) where theyve basically found the game unplayable. is there also a standard of what ppl consider unplayable because ive played most AAA games at launch when they basically rushed to slap the box label on the game and called it a day until they work on patches. when ppl consider unplayable is also just... different per person. some people have a slight blur on the screen when turning too fast even in an MMO and decide the game is horrible and unplayable. some people can have broken quests and npcs not loading and falling through maps and still be fine. there’s no agreed statement of what makes a game unplayable either, which is why you read threads on twitter and someone goes ‘yeah this npc t-posed so i quit in the first hour’ with a dozen replies. everyone has different levels of it.

it’s a mixed bag of issues. im not excusing cdpr, but the ppl who worked on the game are honestly likely not the ones who pushed for a release. you’ve gotta look at sony and microsoft and ceo’s with bonuses coming up and the investors and shareholders and people who sit behind computers and read numbers detailing interest and demand and supply and how every single time they had to delay this game, the loudest (but smallest) bunch of assholes on like reddit and in the twitter threads complained that it was delayed AGAIN even though back in what 2015? they said it’ll come out when it’s ready. and yeah there are times when game delays result in a mismatched half assed sort of story (kh3... p5... ffxv... dai...) and then there are times when, if they need to delay the game... they probably need to delay the game. sometimes delays are bad sometimes theyre good sometimes you are sitting there like whew if you only didn’t try to be like THIS TIME this is the release date.

the ONLY WAY this will stop happening is, quite frankly, unionising. and everyone is allergic to that whole concept so like... this is “the perfect storm” as you put it. but it’s also not. people have been so disappointed over the last 2 years alone for gaming companies, the final product, the attitudes from higher ups, that i think cdpr is receiving a good few years worth of anger. i think theyre also on the receiving end of misdirection from american fans who still don’t fucking get the company isn’t american, because that’s another bag of issues as well. like we’re holding at least 8 bags of groceries out of the back of the car now, and we don’t want to take another trip, because there are so many little bits of this entire situation to look at. there’s so much back and forth.

i think the worst, but most realistic thing is: games won’t change. how they will social media wise will. maybe. assuming bioware gets their heads out their asses but... they’re going to be a lot more careful. i mean, hell, sony offered refunds. that was just a publicity stint. they dont give a fuck if the game was bad. as i said before, if they did, they would make all companies fix trophy problems, starting from like 2010 or whenever the trophy system first came out. they just don’t wanna fall in alongside cdpr being thrown on its sword. but the companies are gonna learn from this, get smarter, still do the same shit to their employees, still pay off journalists, still do media blackouts, etc etc. and we’re gonna be here in another year’s time, with another game, having these same roundabout arguments, and cp77′s issues are gonna fade into just a wikipedia article.

[la5t-res0rt]

Wanted to ask about beetlelyds, sorry, I thought it was technically cannon? Like in the old comics after the show ended she grew up and married him. Sorry I’m an old school fan and have no idea why this whole thing is such a big deal. Wasn’t the actor like 20 too? I’m sorry if I sound very dumb. I’m not used to this new tumblr.

youre fine you are one hundred percent allowed to especially when you do it civilly as you have done here

first of all the biggest issue faced in the whole what is and is not canon debate is the fact that there are three (four if you count the limited comics run) publicized iterations of my media

i will go over each very briefly just kidding this is going to a long answer so i will spare the dashboard with a readmore

there is the movie which im sure you dont need me to explain the plot since youre an old school fan but basically the climax is that yes beetlejuice does go for the marriage angle in exchange for stopping the exorcism of adam and barbara and his motive for this is so that he can cause as much chaos as he wants on the mortal coil but his plan is thwarted when barbara rides a sandworm into the house which promptly eats beetlejuice sending him to bureaucratic death limbo

the end of the movie features the deetz and the maitlands happily living together with lydia havign a new appreciation for her situation and beetlejuice gets his head made real small which is very funny haha 

so no in the movie they are not canon editors note the actress who played lydia winona ryder was a teenager while filming the movie she turned 17 the year it released 

the next is the cartoon which i will admit has the most grounds for being considered canon but in the end the show is about a middle schooler and her best friend who is a ghost which in itself is a pretty iffy gray area sort of thing but for a childrens cartoon to work a friendship is better than the obvious enemy status they held in the movie

anyway in the cartoon they are potrayed to be very close friends with lydia being the person beetlejuice cares about the most and honestly if you were to watch it with no prior knowledge of the media and if you ignored their massive and obvious age difference than yeah you probably would read it as a romantic relationship 

however lydia is a middle schooler and that is simply immoral

there have been writers for the cartoon who have been credited to say that a relationship is what they were trying to invoke but for obvious reasons they couldnt exactly move forward with that angle with them establishing that lydia is a child in middle school and a fully grown adult man dating a child who is in middle school is immoral and also illegal in the united states and in canada 

this isnt a good argument for whether or not something is canon and i will tell you why with one simple name and that is luke weber

if you dont know who luke weber is he was a storyboard artist on the cartoon steven universe he is known for making a lot of self ship artwork of him and the character pearl

he worked on the show isnt his material canon no of course it isnt it wasnt put in the actual publication and also if memory serves he was eventually asked to leave the project after he drew art of the shows creator giving him permission to date pearl and calling them her otp and a lot of fans hated this because the most generally accepted interpretation of pearls character is that she is sapphic so a lot of people took issue however that again is just a widely perceived headcanon it is never stated what her actual sexuality is no one in that show is because it isnt a show about that its about wait im getting off topic sorry

what im saying is what can truly be considered canon is what you see on the screen and with the cartoon they are definitely the most friendly with each other and that is why so many people in the beetlebabe shipping community take so much stock in the cartoon because it is the easiest to read the relationship between the mas romantic although that is not what the show actually provides in black and white terms

interpretation does not equal canon and in this case no matter what anyone says the fact remains that in the cartoon itself they are friends good friends yes but friends all the same

it is definitely not a show about a grown man grooming an adult and if it were you definitely shouldn’t be stanning it the extreme because grooming a minor is wrong and it is apparently a problem in the fandom

anyway if the cartoon and the movie are both products of their time and there was more leniency on content bear in mind this was the same era as notorious animation powerhouse and known predator john k who was a showrunner on ren and stimpy and he maintained a relationship with a teenager which was an open secret that nobody really took issue with because in that time being a woman in the animation industry was tricky business and your career could be ended easily if you rejected advances luckily time has moved forward and the animation industry although still full of problems of a similar nature at least people are getting called out and punished for it

you can look more into that yourself its really upsetting though

as for comics i havent been able to find good scans of them and im not willing to purchase them but in my search i never found anything about the two of them ever being married in the cartoon again because she is a child i did find a cover where he appears to be getting married and hes asking lydia to get him out of it but im not sure where the comic actually goes all i know is she is standing off to the side shrugging and looking like she doesnt really care

anyway that brings us to the musical which is set in the modern day 

in the original libretto lydia is described as thirteen but since they got an actress who was older in the updated librettos she is listed as 15 and the story is pretty similar to the movie the young girl befriends ghosts and they try to scare her family out etc etc

the major difference between the film and the musical are that lydia and beetlejuice are more like friends like in the cartoon 

she summons him to help scare after the maitlands attempt doesnt really work so he shows up and they have fun terrorizing people together however she drops him for the opportunity to perhaps get her mom back but when no one will help she goes back to beetlejuice who tricks her into almost exorcising barbara

she agrees to marry him in order to stop the exorcism and he only wants to get married so he can be alive again and cause problems on the mortal coil like in the movie in the musical he states several times its a green card thing whihc obviously doesnt make it okay but still

anyway lydia tricks him and runs off into the underworld before the wedding can happen blah blah blah she goes back blah blah and she agrees to go through with the wedding to save her friends and family with a plan to make him go away for good

theres a very tongue and cheek song called creepy old guy which points out how wrong the whole thing is but everyone is going along with it in a very comedic matter and it includes the line 

i cant believe some cultures think this kind of things alright

basically saying yeah this is very very wrong anyway they do get married and beeltjeuice is alive for like 6 seconds before lydia stabs him to death with bad art and he dies thus nullifying the marriage because death do you part etc

so in the musical no at the end of the show they are not canon because he is dead their marriage is nullified and they go their separate ways

anyway sorry about that i just need to make it very clear that these three properties are all very distinct from each other and basically all three are indeed canon since they are publicized material and arguing the validity of which one is pointless editors note all actresses who played with the exception of dana steingold were minors for the majority of their runs as lydia with sophia ann caruso the originator of the role turning 18 during the run and dana being in her late twenties presley ryan however was a minor the whole time and still is one

tldr no they aren’t canon but to the credit of some people in this fandom their interpretation isnt too far of a stretch thanks to the era and some of the writers wishing to imply a relationship between an adult and a child

i also need to address how this is all a big deal and i suggest you take a peak through my discourse tag and check out @leedia‘s blog to see some of the more harmful things done by beetlebabe shippers

the beetlejuice fandom is home to many minors after the musical came out since musical fandom is vast and the ages of its members varies and normalizing pedophilia is harmful to them not to mention the people who have been effected by sexual harassment at the hands of adults

both sides have victims of csa but one side continues to perpetuate the cycle by showing time and time again that this behavior is normal and easily romanticized in the name of coping and literally anyone who has ever been to a good and credible therapist could tell you that posting cp even if it is simulated cp isnt a really good way to cope and you can get mad at me for saying that its totally fine but and im going to remove my character veil here for just a second as a csa survivor myself i think its harmful to not only myself but many others ok the veil is back down

tldr again there is a lot of bullying and harassment going on with both sides having their own issues but there is one side whos issues run a bit deeper in my humble opinion 

thank you for your question it allowed me to talk a lot you are welcome to discuss further with me in dms if you wish i honestly recommend giving the musical a listen because it is very fun and despite what some people say its very clever and if you get a chance to see a boot of it its visually stunning

one last note that i couldnt really fit in here but a large portion of the beetlebabes shipping community ignore the musical because it openly condemns the idea of beeltejuice and lydia having a relationship and a lot of the antis take issue with much of the writing and characterizations of the cartoon just a note that i think is important since were talking about canon

[redrabbitspod]

happiness?

first, i wanted to start by thanking dan for allowing me to post this. for a while, i wondered if i even should. but, a lot of you have been asking about me, my upbringing, and who the fuck i am. i think this is, in part, due to my team interview and rumor. i have to admit, not all of the rumors are wrong, but i wanted to come completely clean and after a long time of thinking and a big change in my life, i decided why the fuck not?  maybe, i told myself, it would help some of you. i hope it does. 

but, it is personal and it does mean a lot to me. if i’m being honest, it also makes me feel a bit vulnerable. however, after taking quite a few L’s for rrp, dan agreed, so here we are. 

where are we? here. the fuck does that mean? i don’t exactly know, but i’m going to fuckin wing it.

so, here goes. let’s start from the top. (art by me)*

QUICK OOC! THIS IS A CHAPTER! CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT SETH’S TIME IN MIAMI AND MORE OF WHAT HE TALKS ABOUT UNDER THE CUT 

*BloodyDamnit: it’s my art. but we like to think Seth is an artist :)

vvvvvvvvvvv

my name is seth gordon, i’m 31 years old and 1 of 7 sons. i’m smack in the middle and i severely suffered from middle child syndrome.

31 years ago, i was born in rural alabama to a white, military father and a black, hard-as-rocks mother. i had your typical, strict military upbringing. my dad was hard on us from the jump and refused to acknowledge the fact that at the time, he had 4 black sons (to have 3 more). i still don’t think he realizes that to this day, he raised 7 black men to hate themselves, but that’s not what this post is really about. i can write an entire critical essay on how much my fathers obliviousness to race and racism ruined my and my brothers psyches, but anyway. 

growing up in the deep south, meant we encountered racism every single day. a lot of it was severe and ultimately, barely acknowledged. to my dad, we were white (which was odd in itself because he was ostracized by everyone around him for marrying my mom) - to my mom, we were hers, but undeniably black. to her family, we were mixed. it was confusing in the household, to say the least. 

while we were accosted at school, bullied, and harassed, my dad had the usual macho-man response of ‘punch ‘em back’ and ‘none of my sons will get beat by some scrawny kids’. if you didn’t punch back, then you were a pussy. 

i, was a pussy. (for many things, but we’ll get there)

my mom, on the other hand, tried her best - bless her fuckin heart. when he wasn’t home, she’d do her best to remind us what we looked like, what we were, and that people wont ever treat us right. she wasn’t wrong, not there, not in that town. 

what was ironic about it all, was while she was trying to get us to understand that being black wasn’t wrong, that it was something to be aware of, yes, but also to be proud - being ‘queer’ was out of the question. 

to start, i was a sensitive kid. that alone was enough to have my older brothers mock me, call me names. when i cried, it got worse. i vividly remember my dad gripping my arm, shaking me, and getting in my face to ‘stop crying like a girl’. i was called queer, i was called fag, i was ostracised by my family - all for crying, all for being ‘sensitive’. i was 6? 7? i was young. a child. 

i learned early. 

as i got older, all the homophobia i’d encountered from my family assuming, made me hate myself for more than just being black, but being whatever i was, too. as i started realizing that boys looked just as good as girls, i became the worst version of myself possible and when my parents divorced, it only festered. 

middle child, remember that? when my dad left, my mom was the only income. she had 7 kids, 7 boys to take care of. my youngest brother was a toddler, my oldest a junior in high school. the older kids were tasked with taking care of the youngest and while my older brothers were working, succeeding in school, making sure the youngest succeeded too, i was left somewhere in between. i was a menace. i created problems in every single fuckin way i could. i wanted attention, i wanted love, i wanted someone to take care of me, too. but i was in middle school and deemed able to take care of myself, so i did. 

i continued to, even as my older brothers went off to college and pursued careers, and i was the last to take care of the kids. i put my mom through the ringer and i had no real prospects. i was getting into fights, smoking weed every day, getting involved with girls, partying, drinking. my second oldest brother pulled me over at the beginning of my senior year and told me that i needed to get out.

he thought it would help - to be away from family, away from my dad, away from the toxicity i’d grown to only know. for a long time, i thought he was stupid. so stupid to think that someone like me, someone with my temperament, my habits, my ability to seek out trouble in every fuckin way i could, should be trusted on my own at college. 

turns out, it was the best advice he could’ve ever given me. 

because i was accepted to psu on a hope and a fuckin prayer. 

i get more into my time at psu here*. it details my drug abuse, my addictions, my severe homophobia, and my path to accepting myself as a bi man. i don’t really feel comfortable explaining that all here, on this public page. but if you would like to read more, you can click the link.* 

anyway, all of that was thanks to wymack and surprisingly, minyard as well. they helped me realize that i could get better, i could be better, that i could overcome the thick fog id lost myself in. 

which brings me to here, today. 

the title of this post is happiness? i asked myself wtf happiness was for the majority of my life. after my undergrad, i questioned if i was happy, every single day. i still do, sometimes. 

you all know me as happy-go-lucky seth; the memester; the goofy guy that is in all actuality, older than the majority of tfn, but treated like the younger brother. maybe, some of you see me as immature. maybe, you think im lying about my age, or that i really am just a happy fuckin guy. 

i am happy, most of the time; so long as im distracted, working, partying, playing music, or helping my friends. but thats really all it is. i need to be busy, in order to forget how unhappy i find myself, sometimes. 

that is, until now. 

relationships are weird - hard to explain. but for me, finding someone i found complete comfort in became important, it became a blessing and i’m not even slightly religious. but that’s what this feels like. 

as many of you know, i’m in a relationship now and maybe im just honeymooning, but by fuck im happy. i havent been able to find solace in quiet for over a decade, full self-acceptance in a lifetime, until i truly met him.

none of you have to know his name, or who he is. but it was in meeting him, someone so like myself with similar struggles and experiences, that i was able to realize that i can love myself. that i have the ability to be proud of who i fucking am, and that i can drop the fucking facade of happiness and actually be happy. 

maybe it’s sappy. 

sounds like it. 

feels like it. 

it is. 

but it was in meeting him, that i learned to have real pride, with no lingering hate dancing around the back of my mind. it was in meeting him, that i learned to accept all aspects of myself and make sure everyone felt just as good as i do.

people like me have the ability to grow. they have the ability to overcome and learn from past mistakes. i was a horrible fucking person for the majority of my life. most of the people i knew wouldn’t even recognize who i am now. doesnt matter that i was a kid, or in college and overcoming grief and ingrained self-hate. i grew, i overcame. i found people that care about me, accept me for the man i am today.

i wish i met them sooner. i wish i’d listened to them sooner. maybe i could've avoided hurting people i hadn’t meant to hurt. 

maybe i could’ve avoided hurting myself, for this long. 

but im finally here and that feels good to say. i found happiness. 

im happy. 

- seth

ooc: * = links to the chapter, where seth goes more into detail with his college experiences, addiction, and past relationships. 

[b00bconnoisseur]

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good

[jihanlife]

Hey guys! This is Amiya and I’m leaving...

Hey guys! This is Amiya. I know this is very sudden, but Ive been thinking about this for a very long time now. I promise myself to post this once i reached 10k and it’s time...... I am officially closing “Jihanlife”. This includes mmeanielife, verkwanlife, and jicheollife...... 

I dont even know how to write this without getting emotional ahahahah. 

Being a part of this community is an eye opening experience. Unexceptionally. It gave me more than what ive asked for. All i wanted is a place to store jisoo and jeonghan photos. but then i met you guys and made alot amazing friends, supports, and love. OVERWHELMING LOVE. I was able to show my arts and edits and gain alot of skills through the process. Overtime the purpose of “jihanlife” had changed. It is now to spread the love and share out seventeen information to you guys. To make people learn more about seventeen and gather together as a fandom and i think my job is done here. I’ve complete my goals. Over this past 2 years, Im so glad to be able to make you guys happy. The best part of tumblr is that i can really connect with you guys like no other platform could. I love answer your question funny or serious. i love making shit post. i lovelovelove many thing about this place. it makes me feel warm and welcoming everyday. A year ago, i cant imagine leaving this place. “Jihanlife” mean so much to me............

Now to the hard part..... as to “why im leaving...” 

The closing of jihanlife (tumblr) does not mean the ending of my love toward seventeen. Don’t worry. I’m not leaving seventeen or this fandom any time soon. I’ve been in this fandom since before they debut. I’m WAY to invested in seventeen. It’s too late to turn back now ahahah. Perhaps I even love them more that ever and will always do. But there are some reasons why i decided to leave.... and im gonna keep it very real.

1. I cant keep up with my blog. I cant work like i did before. My normal routine is to upload EVERY SINGLE PHOTOS of jisoo and jeonghan onto this blog EVERYDAY. and I run this blog alone. Once i missed a day. Its hard for me to go back and reupload it. Sometime it can take up to 6-8 hours per day. And thats just too much. I know i dont have to upload every single photos out there but its just my thing you know. and it starts to become a burden to me. Almost like task i need to complete. It starts to feel like work instead of hobby. I somehow pressure myself into it and i started to “hate” this blog. Someday it left my heart heavy and i want to get it off....... 

2. Unpleasant personal experiences with fansites. Ive been in the fandom for sometime now. For 3-4 years. I know things and experience things that are fairly unpleasant. Something most people dont know about and i wish you will never know.. ever. Since then, i dont feel the same. It’s hard to explain you directly but it is what it is. I really do wish i havent experienced those negative stuff but it hit me hard and yep life is life. Shit happened once in a while and its okay. i get it. i get over it. moved on. But little bit little, I lose that motivation, I gave them those “maybes”. The will to run this blog as energetic as before, its slowly disappearing. i highly respect fansites. I was one before (and pls dont dig up my history lol its ancient). It takes alot of time, money, effort, and passion. Since this blog is highly involved with fansites. I gave them credibility of their works, respect their works and understand their tricky circumstances that most people wont understand, but unfortunately Ive never recieve any form for mutual respect and instead an “unpleasant” experiences. Dont get me wrong, there are alot of good fansites out there. Ones that respect you as a human being. But Im just never lucky to met/known ones. It sucks. (At the end, you do you. Me do Me. Im good. No hard feelings <3 )

3. It’s time. You know when you do so many cooking to the point that you can just tell by instinct that your chicken is cooked. No? me neither. I dont cook lol. All jokes a side, i really mean it. I just feel it is the best time to leave it like this and move on.

4. I’m Confused. There are alot happening in my life right now and im confused. So I need to make the decision and cut something out. A huge sacrifice. Jihanlife is my life and i love it so much. Ive worked on it so so hard 24/7 for the past 2 years but we need to make that decision to move on. Maybe I just need a break. Sorry for not being able to do this anymore.... Im so sorry.....

5. I ate too many gummies bear. I ate too many gummies bear. I ran out. I need to buy a new jar. so i cant blog. (lol)

Im not gonna deactivate this blog (yet). Im gonna leave it like that because damn i worked on it everyday for the past 2 years for nothing ahahahh . If you guys want to check out old photos of Jihan. You can still swim in the archive! 

After I posted this in my blog, ill be here for the next 48 hrs before permanently leaving. So i can answer and talk to you guys <3 

Even though im leaving tumblr but you still can find me screaming about seventeen, retweeting Jihan photos, doing this same shit on

Twitter: https://twitter.com/jihanlife

Follow my personal life! You can stalk me on youtube and IG. I just started a youtube channel! Yes im moving from tumblr to youtube now ahhahha. I have alot planned ahead and it would be nice to have my friend here go along on a journey with me! <33 im not quite sure with the content yet but im trying! So Join the Journey to the wildness of random shit LOL! So stay tune!!! 

Youtube: Amy Choo

IG: gam.choo

It has been an amazing and precious experience. Truly. I hope you guys will keep continue loving seventeen and support them and yeah i hope you guys will do amazing.... as always. I will always be there for you even if im not in here anymore. Thank you for being so kind and caring to me. Thankyou for cheering me up when im down. Thankyou for adoring my work. Thankyou for being positive. Thank you for making this place a special place <3

This has been Amiya. Thank you for having me. Be kind, stay humble, believe unicorn and eat alot of cotton candy. I love you all.

Continue to spread the love.

Jihanlife (amiya)

[luisneer]

selected tweets 2016-17

These are tweets from my first @luisneer twitter account. Recently I made a new twitter account with the same username, after having deleted my account and having been without twitter for several months. These tweets are from August 2016 to March 2017, which was most of my first year of college at Shepherd University, in Shepherdstown, West Virginia. I don't go to Shepherd anymore; I transferred to West Virginia University, in Morgantown, WV, after my second semester. My tweets from late March 2017 to [July or August] 2017, when I deleted my twitter, were not archived. 

I'm creating this blog post so the world will have access to some of my tweets from the deleted @luisneer, in case they have any merit as literature. I'm still not sure if I will continue to use twitter in 2018/the future. Usually when I use twitter I feel like I'm actually wanting to be doing something else, but I don't know what; or wanting to be using "another app" that doesn't exist. Twitter generally seems bad for me. Questions about my tweets August 2016-March 2017 can be directed at luisneer@gmail.com. Thank you

    2016

   morgantown has ~48 vape shops

 **morgantown has ~480 vape shops

 siri has werner herzog-like inflections

 considering changing outfits when i take several walks in one day (so nobody thinks im a serial killer, stalker, spy, alien)

 think i remember ~5% of things i said today

 imagined vague connection btwn 'vitamin d' and 'reptar'

 felt distinctly that i was a monkey or chimpanzee while crouching in the corner of my dorm room eating peanuts out of a jar

 just thought (as a request to my mom) 'fax me my skateboard...'

 looked at toilet in bathroom stall with expression of 'utter terror' for what felt like ~15 seconds while it flushed

 listening to bright eyes with headphones at house show

 feel that the toothpaste i use is advancing decay of my teeth

 feel 100% certain that i could train myself to use telepathy to operate my phone during classes

 enjoying the sensation of my right leg 'falling asleep' during psychology class (left foot is also 'asleep')

 felt 'sociopathic' after eye contact w library worker who watched me pick up & pocket a pair of apple headphones someone had left on a chair

 left stolen apple headphones on gray bench across the street from my dorm

 repeatedly placed/removed sunglasses while walking in hallway

 strong desire to remove all positive patterns from my life and perpetuate/embrace all negative ones

 feel that my laptop 'knows' which parts of its screen im looking at

 in winchester, VA

 thought of my own music as having 'no compelling audible elements'

 thought of myself as being legally named 'the fuck up', then couldnt remember my actual name

 successfully, i feel, duplicated 'sociopath facial expression' during eye contact with arch-nemesis in stairwell

 ive taken 13800mg ibuprofen since i got to college

 feel compelled to ask my 9 yr old brother for advice re 'college-level' personal issues

 feel smart after sitting on couch in painting studio + reading art magazines for 2 hours

 persistent notion that 100% of students at my college personally hate me

 psychology professor muttered something like 'scary snake... endocrine system...'

 feeling heavily drugged/sedated in psych class

 psych professor seems obsessed with/terrified by snakes

 imagined kanye smoking crystal meth and tweeting something like 'please help me... cant feel mouth... need help'

 saw a moth at open mic, thought about god

 experiencing difficulty trying to smile

 enjoying using numerous cliches ('the case is closed', 'taking a step back', 'harsh realities') in an essay

 intrigued by conversation i had 9 hrs ago w/ 2 boys who countered my tone (calm, eloquent) exactly by being loud and rude in a friendly way

 felt simultaneously really cute and really lonely while giggling with my mouth closed in french class

 imagined kanye inventing the word 'compactualize' and using it in a sentence during a televised interview

 enjoyed 8-sentence john updike bio in norton lit anthology

 perceived person standing outside bathroom stall occupied by me could 'sense', via something like echolocation, that i was/am depressed

 spoke to french professor in what felt like a distinct persona/alternate luis neer called 'marge simpson voice' luis neer

 feel confidently that the public debut of 'marge simpson voice' luis neer was a success

 feel that 'marge simpson voice' luis neer is the culmination of an unconscious process that initiated in my mind maybe 3-5 years ago

 i want to identify/analyze additional alternate luis neers

 i dont like videos

 i came to college and got weirder, better at writing, more arrogant, more defeated, more sensible

 simultaneously feel that i should run 3 miles and that, at this moment, i would be incapable of running any distance

 feel urged to draw new attention to my 'marge simpson voice' tweets

 huge power outage at shepherd lol

 realized theres no such thing as a 'nation'

 remembered ive blown off obligations to several people, not just one person, so my irresponsibility doesnt 'have a focus', felt comforted

 feel that my follower count is 'crystallized' / will never increase or decrease ever again

 struggled to convert 'stick-and-poke' to past tense during conversation in line at sheetz

 feel it would be pleasurable to take a donut + bottle of coca-cola from this sheetz via armed robbery

 crossed busy road, felt really surprised i didnt get hit by a car, also i wasnt wearing glasses, was walking to sheetz, bought an icee

 laughed alone in my dorm thinking that i should print out a picture of barack obama to put on my wall

 drank from separate glasses containing soymilk, coffee, iced coffee, apple juice, cranberry juice, water, sprite for dinner/breakfas

 just thought 'from adorno to zizek' sans context while shitting

 opened gmail, emailed my father, closed gmail, opened gmail again, viewed email to my father, forwarded it to myself

 'camcorder' would be a good band name

 i thought arnold palmer had already died

 willem dafoe doesnt make me uncomfortable

 i want to stop being mean

 i hate bfs but i want to be someones bf

 wishing i was in a car with friends and no cellular service

 tangled up in myself and others

 twin peaks is depicted as a small town but its population is greater than that of every city in west virginia including the state capital

 eating shark

 thought of my own intelligence as 'frightening'

 thought while walking to class that ginger ale should be made public domain

 had the stitches on my chin removed today, touched the scar tissue for the first time

 i miss being in therapy

 i love carpet

 i love carpet !!

 just thought about my own tweets and lol'd

 mood lately very fragile

 this is what i get for staying up til 5 am

 all night i've felt a wave of dread swelling up, now it's really hitting me

 sound of laughter in public still frightening + unnerving

 my instinct for when to unfriend people on facebook has adapted so that i unfriend people over statuses that make me feel no emotions at all

 fuck, im feeling so much terror

 gucci mane was born 3 days before conor oberst

 the other day i mentioned that i was a poet and this vape guy interrupted me to say "and you didnt know it" and i went fucking nuclear

 interacted with mailman who was picking up mail as i was trying to mail chapbooks, he didnt notice at first that i was talking to him

 what if old people have secrets

 my dad is making me root for a football team but im in pain emotionally

 i feel guilty in general

 thought of my poem "portrait of a nation without any people" as the "lead single" for my full length; it appeared in potluck 14 months ago

 im close friends with satan rn

 feel like travis scott never intended for people to spell his name with a $

 from now on every time i get honey on something ill list the thing in this thread

 finger

 desk

 coffee cup exterior

 pajama pants

 knee

 carpet

 chin

 phone

 shirt

 shoe

 thought that my elderly geography prof. moves by "shuffling"

 feeling shorter, broader

 the only part of the new bright eyes box set i want is the booklet

 is there a booklet? i know there are nvr b4 sn photos

 the song "lime tree" came to conor oberst in a dream

 i like citing things in MLA

 i write essays by pretending im werner herzog

 doesnt seem to be getting later

 lit professor gave my project (sequence of 6 sonnets) a C, i wish she would have gotten me expelled, shelley + ginsberg both were expelled

 heard someone in another room ask "where's wal-mart?" as if wal-mart were a person whose location could change

 i think i just swallowed a filling while eating popcorn, i am very scared, please help

 crazy how things get worse

 there are people on my floor having tons of fun and im upset

 bit my mattress while sitting in the chair next to my bed

 weird that chance the rapper only has 2.4 million followers when he's sort of one of the most famous artists in the world rn

 also weird that donald trump has made 34,000 tweets, seems like an incredibly large number

 the strangeness of yesterday was, for me, augmented by people on the internet talking about a tv show that ive never seen or heard about

 the sunlight is obscene

 im so upset about the sun being so bright im afraid to go outside

 im glad im the only poet who likes trailer park boys

 i slept in a blanket fort under my bed and havent left it all day

 yr = your ur = you're

 my favorite things are pdfs

 now that ive adapted my living space to allow me to never leave my blanket fort i feel like my roommate, omar, exists in a parallel universe

 i hear him but i never see him

 i love latte art, i drink many lattes

 thought that twitter "isn't worth it" in an upset tone while drinking mtn dew

 felt pleasant considering uniqueness of all parent-offspring relationships

 went through my closet + made sure all shirts and jackets were zipped/buttoned

 my blanket is generating flashes of light from static electricity

 record store guy became visibly sick of me several months ago; feel a little guilty every time i enter his store to spend money

 i prefer EPs

 felt "out of control" walking downhill listening to dead kennedys with headphones

 writing an essay is difficult because idk how much relevant information other people have already considered / moved on from

 have been wanting to write at least one poem inside my blanket fort but i don't think it's going to happen, i don't know why

 the internet isn't big enough

 usually when i think "i dont understand the uproar about [event]" i realize there is no "uproar"

 "uproar" is media's way of manipulating the public spotlight and distracting people from important tasks

 feeling helpless + melancholy after dying 15 times and killing 2 stormtroopers in star wars battlefront

 the only way to attain conor oberst-level emo hair is to lay in bed and sob for hours

 i'm sad

 my mom was confused when i told her my first book comes out today

 was luis neer in odd future

 thought "sometimes i just want to end it and start all over" in an exasperated tone re my goodreads account

 becoming increasingly convinced it would be best for me personally to take myself extremely seriously/never joke about myself

 thinking that my tweets would seem terrible if i were a senator/governor/other politician

 imagined doomsday device for future @starwars movies: the "death train," a normal train that exists in space and destroys planets

 how does anyone do it

 in science fiction movies, spacecraft usually look like shopping malls

 everyone in the world is high except me

 feel like i want to have poems published immediately

 having delusions of grandeur

 im sitting on my record player

 my most-used word in 2016 was "bleak"

 prepared and ate garbanzo beans w a lot of rosemart at 2:00 AM

 my brother has a friend over and is being mean to the friend

 all i want for christmas is to never cheer up, ever

 watching eyes wide shut and hugging duckuc

 my nose feels like it's going to bleed

 im sad because every bf looks like me

 getting better at eating ice cream by punching it with my tongue

 the internet is too freaky...

 i think 2017 will be a year of realizing things

 im watching the angry birds movie

 the angry birds movie is so shitty... why was it made...

 ive never had a new years kiss

   2017

   im weird

 eating medicinal ice cream

 im not going to do any drugs in 2017

 made a medicinal phone call

 i want to drink some blood

 i dreamed that roger ebert wrote a negative review of life after ppl and called it "liner notes"

 years dont kill people

 feel inexplicably/explicably really scared about the future of my poetry career

 i've felt stoned since i was a baby

 downloading google earth

 made eye contact in starbucks with possible luis neer incarnation from ~50 years in future; bon jovi "dead or alive" played through speakers

 realised that at some point in the future i will become extremely interested in watching football

 i recommend reading poems extremely slowly while touching the text with your middle finger/index finger

 experiencing cognitive dissonance

 used phonetic clues to correctly predict meaning of & use the word "tandem" while discoursing with myself internally

 i miss steel pedal guitar sounds on conor oberst songs

 my previous incarnation "college luis neer" has evolved to become "high school luis neer-like luis neer in college setting"

 thought "man, i got to stop caring what people think about me" in an emphatic tone that seemed confusing/interesting

 mediocore

 beyonce is cool i think

 i want to re-read "v for vendetta" and to not tweet about it

 remembered that i own a pinata

 i will be at awp

 how could i make twitter a better place

 i saw 4 people wearing yeezys in dc this weekend

 feeling increasingly self-conscious about how much i use the phrase "in the world" or refer to "the world" in poems

 felt robot-like while attaching detachable headphones cord to my headphones while wearing the headphones

 watching shepherd univ lacrosse team practice from "safety of" student center

 i invented releasing two chapbooks in one day

 im dumber than me

 reasoned mentally that im more likely to produce accurate drawings of myself because "i basically look like a bird, so i just draw a bird"

 i want to have a "fake tweet" (e.g. a simple phrase) to tweet repeatedly every time i feel urged to tweet an uninformed/unimportant opinion

 my fake tweet for the foreseeable future will be "i dropped my textbook in the stairwell". when i tweet this it means i have an opinion

 i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

 does anyone remember the chapter of "the hobbit" where bilbo avoids starvation by ingesting peanut butter, honey, cherry nyquil, and water

 sensed that all my college friends just simultaneously shifted from having vague/non-serious negative feelings about me to hating me

 resulting from continuous building of irrepressible/inevitable conjecture in the friends' conscious thoughts

 eating chicken and squash

 i click on 100% of poetry links tweeted by poets i follow

 when i was writing Waves i was obsessed with waves (e.g. energy waves, frequencies) and used the word "waves" at least ~10 times every day

 i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

 white nike swooshes on shoes of boy in library look vibrant/magical

 terrified of being cool

 walked to library really slowly while listening to noise music through big headphones

 i was really, really yung when i started publishing and i'm still really yung

 2 chainz always looks like he's walking in an airport

 i have 5 twitters

 i didnt know what bill paxton looked like, i was thinking RIP gene hackman

 why doesnt anyone blog about me

 thesis statements arent real

 thinking about my book

 i deleted both my tumblrs by accident

 sad about my tumblr

 my name is all over the internet

 im a lizard

 someday there'll be no more ppl

 a lot of conor oberst song titles have parentheses

 feeling sad about the actions of my clone, who passed away

 idk how to use venmo or what it is

 present-day tumblr is like the end of the never ending story where atreyu is talking with the rock biter and the nothing is swirling around

 when someone, anyone, is upset with me im afraid im going to be assassinated

 the views-era apple music ads that depict drake working hard in the studio have really affected and inspired me

 on tumblr i have 4 followers

 almost all of my tweets seem unimportant

 feel that if someone told me that one of my tweets made them upset i would just apologize and delete it

 ground control to commander venus

 i like my new tumblr

 i would be wearing a cardigan rn but i dont have one

 feel that i will continue to generate bright eyes-related content throughout my life

 is everything ok

 i look like michael moore

[the-occult-babe]

March 2019 stuff

reflection on life cause i’m going through my drafts and found this, under read more cause long. the last this was filled out was when i was 18 oof

1. selfie 

2. what would you name your future kids?  Dante for a boy, idk for a girl but i dont want to give birth and can’t handle kids

3. do you miss anyone?  not really no i’m not close to anyone at the moment

4. what are you looking forward to? more money and healthcare

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? my friend Aaron 

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?  idk depends on who

7. what was your life like last year?  uhhh hell for the first half and alright for the second. 

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?  yes i’m an empath and feel very strong emotions

9. who did you last see in person? my mom 

10. are you good at hiding your feelings? depends on the feeling

11. are you listening to music right now? no

12. what is something you want right now? money and anxiety to subside

13. how do you feel right now? on my period currently so uh sick

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? i havent had a hug in like a year

15. personality description fuck man i have my personality stolen from people but i just say it’s a mix of the movies ‘I Am Legend’ and ‘Clueless’

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn't? happens all the time. i tend to talk to people in my head instead of just saying it outloud

17. opinion on insecurities. they suck that’s for sure

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago? not really. some things i guess, but things are better

19. have you ever been to New York? nope. maybe one day, i wanna go to meet Vinny

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

Wild Wild West - Will Smith

21. age and birthday? 22 - October 7th 22. description of crush. “i've posted a pic of him, here. (old) but he's really sweet and understanding and i love him with all my heart.” UH HEY OLD ME NOT CLICKING THAT LINK GONNA ACTUALLY REMOVE IT ANYWAY I DO STILL LOVE HIM EVEN THOUGH WE ARE OUTTA TOUCH. my current crush is this guy at work named Jonas who’s this tall brown guy. he goes to my college but i’m scared to ask him out or anything cause we probably don’t like the same things and i’m socially awkward and i’m newly ace so....

23. fear(s) intense hallucinations and certain social things

24. height 5'4"

25. role model i don't really have one. uh for art probably Kasey Golden

26. idol(s)

no one

27. things i hate

certain social things, assholes, anxiety, idiots 28. i'll love you if...

accept me, buy me food, are nice

29. favourite film(s)

natural disaster movies, comedy stuff, horror, action. idk if it’s a good movie and i connect with it i like it.

30. favourite tv show(s)

same with shows as above ^^^

31. 3 random facts

in highschool to be cool and scary and random i said i owned a fetus in a jar, i never ordered one and still need to. i’ve never been on a plane and i’m scared. i have rocks in my stomach? it’s like hard pockets of insulin buildup or something.  

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

uh, split i guess? for the ones i talk to at least

33. something you want to learn

self defense

34. most embarrassing moment

i threw up all over my desk in the first grade and that caused my eyephobia and other problems of not wanting to be stared at :)

35. favourite subject

science and art

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

help regulate kids media, art design video game, be in a healthy relationship

37. favourite actor/actress

uh i’m terrible with names dude i just know faces of them

38. favourite comedian(s)

i don’t know

39. favourite sport(s)

badminton i guess, swimming is pretty cool

40. favourite memory

going to science museums

41. relationship status

single

42. favourite book(s)

warriors

43. favourite song ever

Africa by Toto

44. age you get mistaken for

19? i dunno, young i guess. highschool age

45. how you found out about your idol

N/A

46. what my last text message says

“Tru”

47. turn ons

don’t like sex but i’m attracted to aesthetics

48. turn offs

assholes

49. where i want to be right now

home

50. favourite picture of your idol

don’t got one b

51. starsign

libra

52. something i'm talented at

art i guess

53. 5 things that make me happy

music, art, food, animals, videos

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

being social

55. tumblr friends

i don’t talk to my mutuals but morganandherbox, tubaconcussion, cursedbottom are who i consider some friends

56. favourite food(s)

mac and cheese

57. favourite animal(s)

wolf of course, fox, okapi, some others

58. description of my best friend(s)

short brown hair (i think rn??) glasses or contacts, shorter than me i wanna say 4′ 11″ that’s zoe

aaron is brown skinned with short black hair and is taller than me

59. why i joined tumblr

i kept seeing it on the internet and was like hey why not

60. ask me anything you want

[s99crystal]

Answer these 88

Tagged by @alicat-doodles (thanks ali youre sweet)

I tag @aenjin, @jhopetaekmyhearteu, @cinnamonsugas

the last:

1. DRINK: Mountain Dew

2. PHONE CALL: My mom

3. TEXT MESSAGE: my friend melissa, shes the best :D

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: listening to Lost Stars by Jungkook, it kills me and makes me so emotional 

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: basically cried yesterday night seeing @hystherics new art post god dang she’s good

have you:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: not even once aha

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: have not kissed eiiitherr

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: cant be cheated on if you dont take the test you feel me i dont date if you didnt catch me

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: yep

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: not clinically

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: never drank!

top 3 favorite colors

12. light pink

13. light blue

14. pasteeells

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: mm the coolest people aka @aenjin and @jhopetaekmyhearteu

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: only out of TV shows cause i dont keep up haha

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: way too much haha!

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: :O noooppe

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: my friends inspire me everyday, but i dont know if ive met someone whos drastically changed me.

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: i know em yeh

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: dont got facebook dont got a kiss in my history or my future LOL

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: I don’t got facebook, so imma follow @alicat-doodles ‘s footsteps and say tumblr friends: three i guess?

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: nope

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: nopenopenope

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: I spent the day hanging with one of my close friends, we got boba, visited our old elementary/middle school and just had a lot of fun listening to KPOP in the car!

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: 11AM haha ooops

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: uhhhh in the car coming back home from a family party i think?

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: bangtan to rest god bless

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: prob ten minutes ago

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: I wish I could be less anxious and know things are going to turn out okay. Also the lack of bangtan merch could change pls and thank you

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: Fools by JK & RM

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: Thomas, but not Tom, no…

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: My family members touching my hair / when my cousins get careless ahaaaa…

lost questions

34. MOLE(S): I don’t think so, oH on my neck I think I have one!

35. MARK(S): None I think (?)

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: Teacher and I pretended doctor was also a dream for my parents haha, but really just teacher.

37. HAIR COLOR: black

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: medium right now cause i got a haircut recently haha

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: besides bangtan nope

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: I can cheer myself up easily.

41. PIERCINGS: just on my ears

42. BLOODTYPE: uhhhh why you ask O.O

43. NICKNAME(S): Crystal, Mahans, Mahogany…

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single lets goooo

45. ZODIAC: Leo

46. PRONOUNS: She/Her

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: don’t get me started omg TV is my life. 

K-Drama = Descendants of the Sun, American Drama: Arrow, American Comedy: Modern Family, Childhood: Full House / Drake & Josh doN’T TEST ME ON TV ILL GETCHU HAHA

48. TATTOOS: None

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: Right

50. SURGERY: no surgery!

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: I wouldn’t do it, but i love the idea of pink hair and side note namjoon with purple dyed hair gives me life while killing me goodbye

52. SPORT: Dancing & Swimming

53. VACATION: Hawaii / Japan with my friend

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: what you mean like exercise i dont got a trainer oH SHOES uhhhhhhhh

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: watermelon hopefully soon

56. DRINKING: i want some orange juice

57. I’M ABOUT TO: text friends and lie around haha

58. WAITING FOR: BTS to rest still bless up

59. WANT: Go to a BTS fan meet one day / send them fan letters ^-^

60. GET MARRIED: its definitely something i want!

61. CAREER: software engineering!

62. HUGS OR KISSES: hugs!

63. LIPS OR EYES: eyes definitely

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: im short but i like taller guys (which aint that hard cause im short hahaha)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: middle child of family, youngest of most of my friend groups

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms!

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: both lets goooo

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship definitely but i aint gon have neither rn haha

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: Hesitant all the way. Im hella nervous 24/7 << honestly aint gon change your answer ali, its same with me hahaha

have you ever:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: aha i havent kissed anyone so no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: if by liquor you mean straight Mountain Dew and Sprite heck yeah. but if you mean alcohol then nah

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: JIWEROUPWEOPR EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE WHAT THE NOW YOURE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: Only random people at Chipotle and stuff LOL aint nobody else ask me hahaha

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: not uh not personally…

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: I hope not

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: yeeepp… but not by any romantical peoples haha

77. BEEN ARRESTED: for my bad jokes heck yeah, for felonies nope

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: Yeah

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: Nope… but I do love and care about them :D

do you believe in:

80. YOURSELF: Mm

81. MIRACLES: Yup!

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: Only if you combo it with commitment!

83. SANTA CLAUS: I’ve never uhm celebrated Christmas, so not really…but I think the magic surrounding it is really cool!

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: This is like a whole other universe what is a date uhh

85. ANGELS: Mhmm

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): No best friends, but just close friends :D Melissa, Ashley, BRIITTTTANNNYY (trust me i call her that with all the extra letters), Angie, Elliot, Mishkah..

other

87. EYECOLOR: Brown

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: 3 Idiots pls watch itll change your life it changed mine

[rickyticky-bobbywobbin]

100 Questions tag thing.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? closed. my closet is not used for clean clothing. 

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? if my mom tells me to 

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? tucked in but sometimes my sister sleeps on my bed and somehow undoes everything

4. Have you stolen a street sign before? yeah

5. Do you like to use post-it notes? i like using them when i have them

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? yeah they are usualy for fast food joints but im just too broke to buy fod lol

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? uhmmm... im assuming i wont die so ill say bear because thats much more bad ass

8. Do you have freckles? I do!

9. Do you always smile for pictures? depends who is taking the picture 

10. What’s your biggest pet peeve? when im in the car and i get no say in the music. sorry but like... i want a say i dont wanna listen to some sad rock. 

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?  yeah lol

12. Have you peed in the woods? no

13. Have you ever pooped in the woods? no

14. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? uhm if im alone yeah 

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? nope

16. How many people have you slept with this week? 1

17. What size is your bed? twin

18. What is your song of the week? Julia - Charly Bliss

19. Is it OK for guys to wear pink? YES

20. Do you still watch cartoons? yeah, i have a three year old sister 

21. What is your least favorite movie? uhm....that ive seen , probably the hunger games, just not my thing

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? in a cemetery w a fake tomb stone ontop

23. What do you drink with dinner? water or if im at a restaurant i get Shirley temples

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? sweet and sour sauce or ketchup

25. What is your favorite food? sushi and poke bowls

26. What movies could you watch over and over again and still love? Rocky Horror Picture Show and Scott Pilgrim VS the World

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? i smooched my dad on the cheek before going to bed last night but on the lips was my bf

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? nah

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? depends on how much im getting paid and if i look good lol

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? I wrote my dad a fathers day card but a letter that i shipped in the mail was like... sophomore year or something to my at the time boyfriend.

31. Can you change the oil on a car? HA no

32. Even gotten a speeding ticket? cant drive yet

33. Even ran out of gas? when i was in the car with my dad

34. What’s your favorite kind of sandwich? a hoagie. its like roast beef, turkey, and chicken w lettuce tomato and red onions w mayo and mustard. its so good

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? depends on the mood. i like grits and eggs or sometimes i want like blueberry pancakes

36. What is your usual bedtime? 3-4 am

37. Are you lazy? yep

38. When you were a kid, what did you dressed up as for Halloween? Lots of things, i was a hobo, a bat, a cat, snow white, a pirate, a witch, a puppet, and a whole bunch of other shit

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? Tiger

40. How many languages can you speak? English and a little chinese

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? no 

42. Which are better: LEGOS or Lincoln Logs? uhm i played with lincoln logs more but i like legos more, theres more things to make

43. Are you stubborn? yeah 

44. Who is better: Leno or Letterman? i dont really care about talk shows

45. Ever watch soap operas? my mom watched one but idk what it is

46. Are you afraid of heights? im more afraid of falling to my death

47. Do you sing in the car? YES

48. Do you sing in the shower? YEP

49. Do you dance in the car? you can dance in a car?

50. Ever used a gun? nah

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? idk my mom is a photographer so probably last year for fathers day

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? eh they can be lol

53. Is Christmas stressful? yeah bc my family that lives close hates us and we HAVE TO GO and it sucks

54. Ever eat pierogi? what is that

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? i love it all 

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? a florist, astronaut, vet, aaand president  

57. Do you believe in ghosts? yes 

58. Ever have a deja-vu feeling? alot lol

59. Do you take vitamin daily? No, theyre expensive 

60. Do you wear slippers? no

61. Do you wear a bath robe? nope

62. What do you wear to be comfortable? Leggings and hoodies or teeshirts

63. What was your first concert? idk lol i went on tour with my dad when i was like itty bitty so my first concert was prob one of his, but the first one i remember was when i went to go see good Charlotte and sum 41 

64. Walmart, Target or KMART? i like target 

65. Nike or Adidas? i havent worn either so idk 

66. Cheetos or Fritos? BBQ FRITOS or crunchy cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower Seeds? Ui like sunflower seeds

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? no?

69. Ever take dance lessons? i took three weeks of ballet when i was a baby 

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? uh idk lol

71. Can you curl your tongue? i can double curl it :^).

72. Ever won a spelling bee? i cant spell for shit

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah lol i cry a lot

74. Own any record albums? i have a million bc of my dads record collection but i have a few of my own

75. Own a record player? my dad does

76. Do you regularly burn incense? no my parents are stoners so they light them lol

77. Even been in love? Yeah

78. Who would you like to see in concert? panic at the disco, bruno mars, and Charly Biss

79. What was the last concert you saw? I saw the regretts at the echo.

80. Hot Tea or Cold Tea? hot when im sick and cold when im not

81. Tea or Coffee? tea

82. Sugar Cookies or Snickerdoodles?BOTH

83. Can you swim well? eh im okay

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes

85. Are you patient? usualy

86. DJ or Band at a Wedding? uhm probably a band idk

87. Ever won a contest? yeah a few art contests and one poetry contest

88. Have you ever had plastic surgery? no... i wanna get my nose fixed...

89. Which are better: Black or Green Olives? BLAFT i dont like either

90. Can you knit or crochet? uhm i cross stitch

91. Best room for a fireplace? the bathroom duh, lol ive had fireplaces we just dont use them ever so i dont really care

92. Do you want to get married? yeah one day, i never really wanted to a while a go but i kinda want to now.

93. If married, how long have you been married? not married yet 

94. Who was your high school crush? uh.. i dated a few people in highschool so mu crushes changed all the time

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No lol

96. Do you have kids? no but i am always babysitting my 3 year old sister so its like i have a kid lol

97. Do you want kids? maybe

98. What is your favorite color? uh dark purple and black 

99. Do you miss anyone right now? yeah...

100. Who are you going to tag to do this tag next? no one lol. do it if you want

[missbiddle]

Get to know me post- just answer them all for us?

so i ad multiple anons ask for questions then this one so i guess i may as well answer them all.

1. selfie - Nah. No one wants to see that.2. what would you name your future kids? - Uh havent even thought about it coz i dont want kids lol.3. do you miss anyone? -  Yeah a few people, my best friend who i had a fight with awhile ago espcially. Could really use him right now. 4. what are you looking forward to? - A day off tomorrow omg.5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? - My friend Patty. 6. is it hard for you to get over someone? - No, not really cause i struggle to make emotional attachments to people7. what was your life like last year? - Eh. 8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? - Yeah, a few times9. who did you last see in person? - My sister.10. are you good at hiding your feelings? - Yep11. are you listening to music right now? - Always12. what is something you want right now? -  Lexa to be alive13. how do you feel right now? - Regretting eating ice cream and tired14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? - Gross hetero act.. um i honestly cant remember lol15. personality description - No idea tbh. Tho i get told cold hearted and closed off often16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? - Hasnt everyone?17. opinion on insecurities.- I have a lot of them :’)18. do you miss how things were a year ago? - Nope19. have you ever been to New York? - I wish20. what is your favourite song at the moment? - Ah i dont have one atm tbh. Tho i am quite enjoying Chained to the Rhythm by Katy Perry 21. age and birthday? - Old... 25, 7th september 199122. description of crush. 23. fear(s) - Vomit, and getting any fatter/uglier24. height - 174cm25. role model - Angelina Jolie26. idol(s) - Lara Croft27. things i hate - Myself lol28. i’ll love you if… - ... ??29. favourite film(s) - WAY too many to list. Tarzan (disney), I cant think straight, Casper, the mummy series to begin with30. favourite tv show(s) - The 100 (obvs until THE episode), The OA, Stranger Things etc etc31. 3 random facts - Uh.. a dog with an infected uterus has Pyometra, homosxuality isnt a choice and uh someone with two different coloured eyes has heterochromia32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? - Guys lol33. something you want to learn - Well i want to re-learn german34. most embarrassing moment - I have way too many to choose one35. favourite subject - art36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? - I dont actually have any dreams?37. favourite actor/actress - Cant really name a favourite, i have too many38. favourite comedian(s) - Danny Bhoy i guess39. favourite sport(s) - Netball40. favourite memory - Getting my dog Symeria41. relationship status - Complicated i guess42. favourite book(s) - Deadly - Morris Glietzman and Paul Jennings43. favourite song ever - Hurricane by 30 Seconds to mars, Frozen by Madonna, Room of Angels from Silent Hill 4 (cant pick)44. age you get mistaken for - Under 18... i get carded almost everytime i try buy smokes45. how you found out about your idol - Tomb Raider lol46. what my last text message says - “Omg. Thats exactly me.”47. turn ons - Kissing, neck kissing48. turn offs - Clinginess, controlling, manipulation, dirty talk during the act49. where i want to be right now - New Zealand50. favourite picture of your idol - I cbf lol51. starsign - Virgo52. something i’m talented at - Uh i used to have a bit of talent in netball53. 5 things that make me happy - Wolves, Symeria, Vet Nursing, GAMING, Memes54. something thats worrying me at the moment - Getting my course work finished55. tumblr friends - A lot! Too many good friends on here56. favourite food(s) - Spaghetti Bolognaise57. favourite animal(s) - Wolves followed by Goats58. description of my best friend - Tall, lanky, blonde hair of the gods59. why i joined tumblr - Cause im gay60. ask me anything you want - N/A

Geeez that took ages.

[haeroniel-doliet]

i need more money to buy little art

honestly tho feeling like for that ideal goal existence i’ll try get to someday, i’ll needa be making proper money comfortable and good so i can spend all i like on society 6 and other to buy shirts and bags and just everything to a house all in different art prints (mostly florals) bc just those pictures are  like everything i want but just so expensive. i’m trying to sum down like 10 to stickers, bc i wanna do up my laptop, but dedicating to a single decal (thats like 25 ON SALE) is too much esp since i love so much. so ive kinda decided to get a hard cover for the laptop just in case i break it, and just in case i do break my laptop that i can keep the stickers on the hard case and dont lose them to replaced parts. idk seems smart. ill probs buy a kinda shady cover off of ebay for 5 or 6 pound and then spend 20 on stickers for it :] since theyre on sale till 8 am today and its 3 am im probs just gonna settle and order them. might order cover tomorrow w my dad bc i need trust assurance. hes not all on board on the stickers so im just gonna go for it. theyre gonna be like my post cards. i buy so many every place. and no. not trashy postcards. i want art. i have so many postcards of paintings in galleries and so many from comic con art valleys (guess who wants to get so much more and 100% will) i love original art the most when its pretty to me and like everyone who sees it. simples okay but i prefer soft and detailed. excited now i can go to con and also be looking for stickers bc maybe ill get a few cool ones that wont cost me as much as the society 6 ones do. and then my laptop can replicate my walls, displaying all the art ive loved that ive been able to take with me (bc theres so much i obviously dont have on my walls) anyway im looking at these and making some small bc i suddenly realise this laptops got realestate. and the saddest thing w stickers (literally why i had one of those waxy paged sticker books as a child) is that i cant dedicate stickers to a single spot. its so much dedication. what if i buy a bigger sticker and it wont fit? what if i get the perfect sticker for that spot and it wont fit? (over lap i guess) how can i be sure i put them in the right spots to start with? augh i dont really wanna cover just half of it and obviously leave space bc that puts pressure on finding stickers and i might get ones i dont love. i cant get sick of any one bc itll be there  (joy of having multiple mean theres less getting sick of anything). anyway i think im happy w the sizes of these 10 stickers and can work w them (also for now i think im just gonna be going around the edges and leaving the apple logo as it is, esp bc it glows and theres already this shitty old smiley face sticker from my old psych teacher and i kinda dont wanna get rid of it, i just wanna add things around it so it doesnt look so: clean (actually dirty) laptop that a child marked as their own) 

anyway society 6 has random discounts all the time which is p rad and maybe the day im ready to invest in my own living space and dont feel obliged to check w my parents about just about any purchase, i’ll then subscribe to something thatll tell me what discount is on. that in mind, i think i’ll only get the 9 now, that hopefully wont cost too much, and leave a bunch in my wishlist, bc there’ll be another discount (this is 20% off everything)  and maybe that’ll be like 50% off stickers and boy then when my collection is underway you bet ill go for it. and like maxx sticks on their sketch book, if i dedicate to a new book maybe ill get more for that and have a pretty thing to keep and reminisce over (tho knowing me, ill not use it much bc i have a need for pretty things to stay perfect and presentable, and i have a need for everything that i might show to others to be like near perfect otherwise its sucks and ill feel bad bc i dont wanna show it off to people. like my art book, sure i couldve made it all experimental and crap and then edited the real pages together on the computer. but no. i needed everypage to be presentable and pretty and handwritten and creative. and they must go page after page, its so awkward showing someone something and then going “oh wait now these few are empty sorry yeah heres the next page” so i baasically have  a book with mhmmm 20-26 pages of beautiful spreads that im quite proud of inside beautiful covers ( i knew id want to be presenting it for years to come) and the back pages are just...empty. and theyll probably stay that way bc i no longer have projects to be doing to fill them with. maybe one day ill grow into myself and grow out the fear of ruining what ive achieved and fill some with new projects to please myself and be an indepenednt artist not just a teacher pleaser. you know its like that with my work too, like it has to have a direction and a plan that will be achieved, and its terribly frustrating when that vision doesnt happen. but i think thats the same with everyone. 

anyway on a side note, dont you guys think its so fun and cool how ive not done my post labs that were due last friday? how every night ends up being 3-4 am until i go... mhmmmm yeah i guess nothing is happening. like i hope id bloom and do work at that 11pm-3am window and then i get here, suddenly having lost all track and sense of time and just sigh. its wasted, its basically tuesday already. have to keep telling myself dates bc it moves so weird. i planned on getting shit done two days ago. here we are regardless. and the most ill get done is get those stickers ordered bc that is i guess what ive been half focused on for mhmmm5 hrs. then ill save my 7 dollars or whatever, have stickers on the way, tomorrow order the case and thats one insignificant thing done. then the question will be have i looked at summer jobs? no of course not ive looked at ballet courses. shush. i havent showered for days bc theyve just slipped by too laying in bed, maybe tomorrow ill take a shower and pick up all the trash and tissues on the ground. maybe i will. i know i wont get real work done tonight, and already ill be sleepy till 1 pm and by then mom will be again on me abt sleeping to latesoo... yeah no point. and here i thought id make a quick totes relatable short post about how i need more money to buy stickers and maybe a brief my ideal life is to have enough money to spend on art being in every part of my life and all this  being unique so people love coming to my house and go wow its so original and cool. and that turned into a word vent thats so far taken me over half an hour. hi my batterys dying. 

lng story short, i’ll order the stickers currently in my basket after so much though, suck it up and do it and know that i have a bunch over in my wishlist for that next maybe even better sale when it happens. the only thing is im taking all the rest as transparent which for sure dulls them down (yeah white background looks sick but for some its just more classy w transparent, then theres this one bear i’m 100% naming wojtek thats in white bc i feel it’ll be best for him, and i guess having him in white will set that theres no clear rules to follow and worst case if it doesnt fit he can come chill on the keyboard side next to my mouse pad thing) honestly i cant tell if i should be getting them all in white and just hope that theyll look gorgeous no matter what. yikes 3 dollar shipping for stickers, ok itll actually be 19.62 pound and using euro card 22.50 in  euros.... am i dumb? maybe. and tho im supposed to be saving money up so i have some, i also did get birthday money sorta recently soo... birthday gift from them. first set of stickers. deep breaths ok. my parents told me when i bugged them that i just have to make a decision and not ask them all the time, and he said to get 3 stickers i told him id pick 12 so i think getting 9 is reasonable. also oh shit realising that the delivery time is 1-3 weeks and im staying here only 1 and a half more so i should really order it to scotland even tho it might get ther ebefore i do bc my parents might not rly want to send them up to me. idk ok order to scotland, thank f at least one of my flat mates is staying and tbh i should really bring her some chocolate... shes done me faavours. 

[fairymedicine]

for the distract me D O THEM ALLL

im fuckin screaming who is this, whelp here i go be ready for a long post everyone

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? - no2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? - yeah, bc i just overreacted to what theyd done and overthought it :/3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” - a cat?4: What’s something you really want right now? - for the skype gang to be online at the same time so we can fuckin call 5: Are you afraid of falling in love? - im afraid of getting hurt again6: Do you like the beach? - it depends7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? - yep8: What’s the background on your cell? - goats from the farm9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? - mine, my best friends, uhhhhh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯10: Do you like your phone? - yeah, i always have it with me lmao11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? - just about12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? - my friend, bc she was giving me details for when we gonna meet up13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? - rottweiler14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? - emotional15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? - zoo16: Are you tired? - hahahhah when am i not17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? - i mean the first person i added to my contacts was probably my mum soo18: Are they a relative? - yeah 19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? - haha never20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? - over a year ago21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? - no22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - nope23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? - one24: Is there a certain quote you live by? - be who are you and say what you feel because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind25: What’s on your mind? - not a lot, im just really sleepy26: Do you have any tattoos? - nope27: What is your favorite color? - blue28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hopefully soon29: Who are you texting? - the discord gc30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? - yep31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? - all the time32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? - yeah, shes my best friend33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? - probably not34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? - yep35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? - good for them36: Were you single on Valentines Day? - yep37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? - hah nope38: What do your friends call you? - Matt, or Readie39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? - no40: Have you ever cried over a text? - yep41: Where’s your last bruise located? - my leg42: What is it from? - i walked into a table43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? - yesterday44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? - my mum45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? - yep46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? - always47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? - nope48: Do you make supper for your family? - sometimes49: Does your bedroom have a door? - yeah50: Top 3 web-pages? - tumblr, netflix, youtube51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? - a few52: Does anything on your body hurt? - not rn53: Are goodbyes hard for you? - yes54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? - lemonade55: How is your hair? - messy today56: What do you usually do first in the morning? - eat breakfast57: Do you think two people can last forever? - yeah if they both want it 58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? - lmao i was 7 so yea59: Green or purple grapes? - purple60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? - probably in a few days when my friend gets back from spain61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? - not really62: When will be the next time you text someone? - in like 2 seconds63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? - sleeping64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. - sleeping65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? - i didnt like anyone66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? - my friends, all of them67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? - nope68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? - yep70: How many windows are open on your computer? - four71: How many fingers do you have? - 872: What is your ringtone? - the default one bc i cba to change it73: How old will you be in 5 months? - 17, almost 1874: Where is your Mum right now? - across the room75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? - bc he stabbed me in the back76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? - nope77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? - a few of them78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? - lmao79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? - yep80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? - yeah81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? - 082: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? - nope83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? - i dont like anyone so no84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? - lmao even drunk me isnt confident enough to do that85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? - yes86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? - i cant remember the last time i went to see a movie87: Who was your last received call from? - my mum88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? - yeah89: What is something you wish you had more of? - confidence 90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? - who hasnt91: Do you sleep with your window open? - yes92: Do you get along with girls? - most of my friends are girls93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? - yes94: Does sex mean love? - nope, you can love someone and not have sex with them and you can have sex with someone and not love them95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? - i might kill them96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? - nope97: Did you sleep alone this week? - yep98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? - yep99: Do you believe in love at first sight? - no100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? - i havent pinky promised in year so who knows

[glitter-alienz]

i really liked this MM poster thingy from the official tmnt instagram. so I doodles the OV turtles doing the same pose.

[TMNTOV Masterpost]