#havent been camping in maybe over a year and its killing me

[nerdyqueerr]

Im so mad my little brother is going rv camping with his friends for a weekend this summer which i never got to do (covid) (anxiety) (few outdoorsy friends) (eldest child)

[kylesgarrick]

I would love to see javier x male reader!! Maybe something where reader gifts javier a present?

i realised that like i havent completed a single ask, and i swear im getting to them (maybe in a year or so), but i REALLY wanted to do this!

javier escuella x male reader, criticism always appreciated. i chose to not include that much spanish, i don’t speak spanish and do not want to butcher it or makes any of my spanish readers uncomfortable, sorry. set in chapter 1 :) DID NOT PROOF READ

javier has been stressed recently, it’s hard to get through winter by itself, but its been even worse after everything that happened at blackwater. the whole gang was barely getting by and he wasn’t sure everyone would survive the winter. he tried to not worry you too much and act confident in dutchs plans, but you could practically read his mind.

you saw how he was getting less and less sleep, staying up thinking about what happened on that boat with the pinkertons. how he was clinging onto you whenever he could, acting like you were gonna leave him or die if he wasn’t there with you. you wanted to treat him to something nice, get rid of his worries or atleast make him feel slightly better, even if it lasts only an hour.

so the second you hear that javier is going on another stressful mission to try kill colm o’driscoll with dutch and a few others, you decide to go looking for something to surprise him with. yes, it was a dumb idea. you probably shouldn’t have done it in the winter alone, especially after what happened with john and the wolves. but you honestly couldn’t care less, javier deserved something nice.

while you were waving them goodbye, javier gave you one big hug, and a little kiss on the cheek. most people were okay with you and javier being two men inlove, but it was still the 1800s and you weren’t going to get murdered for your love. you caught micah scoffing in disgust at the sight of you two and you roll your eyes, before drifting your attention back to javier.

“stay safe, love” you say, as javier wraps his arms around your waist and you put your arm around his neck, the rest of the gang was still preparing themselves for the mission. he smiles softly, “i will, amor.” you exchange one last kiss, before he gets on his horse and rides out with the rest of the gang.

once you make sure they’re out of seeing distance, you hop on your horse and ride into the snowy forest, looking for things to get for him. you end up finding an old pocket watch and a piece of wood. perfect! you could try carve him something, like a mini guitar or a horse. you rode back to camp, thinking of what you could do.

you go into your tent and begin carving a mini guitar for him, after a few hours he gets home and you quickly put it under your pillow and run over to him, pulling him in for a hug and a kiss, he laughs as you practically jump up on him, wrapping his arms around you and hugging you back. “someone’s excited to see me” he smiles, and you smile back at him.

“i have a surprise for you” you whisper in his ear, before leading him back to the tent. he was clearly thinking of some other surprise with the way he was shamelessly looking at your ass while smirking. when you get inside the tent, you reach under your pillow, getting nervous that he might not like it. when you pull out the mini hand-carved guitar sculpture, he gasps, eyes wide.

he stares at it in shock “you did this for me?” he says, as he sits down next to you and admires the mini sculpture. “i just thought that you’ve been stressed lately, i wanted to do something nice.” he looks at you, he places the sculpture in his lap before resting his hand on your cheek, bringing you in for a deep kiss. his lips were soft, and you felt his facial hair tickle your face, making you giggle a bit. he deepened the kiss, grabbing your waist as you straddled his lap, you finally break the kiss and rest your forehead against his. “i love you, javier.” “i love you more, my sweet thing”

ending is rushed! i can make a smut pt2 if you guys want :) this is so bad im sorry😭 barely any of its even about javier ARBE anon, if you dont like it and want me to redo it, just ask!!

[softness-and-shattering]

Why is there an outfit of the absolute in a tollhouse room that seemingly hasnt been opened since the shadow curse? The room with the barred door, that you enter from above, with the super convenient secret door out to the street. Is it an error, or was the absolute around and into fashion 100 years prior? And how old is Halsin still?

So the beach fight was actually really fun, havent had that kind of a crowd control challenge before. I actually failed the first time round, only made it to round three. It took a wall of fire, multiple glyphs of warding and 2x turn undead. Discovered that the fire only lasts a couple rounds and then it turns to fire ground only which was bit weird? And then Wyll died walking over it for idk what reason, after ddciding to run through the wall earlier for some reason. Didnt save him in time and had to ressurect.

I respecced him as a paladin cause I struggle with warlock. He only has one channel oath charge at time? At level 8?? My usual team is my bard, karlach, astarion and shadowheart, and after the first attempt i swapped astarion for wyll, but he didnt do that much. Did smite sone wraiths, that was very useful, I just thought hed have nore turning undead, maybe more area of effect stuff. As it was, shadowheart and bard carried most of the battle and the others picked up the pieces. Necessary support. Idk I just expected more from Wyll I guess?

Super cool fight though. first wall of fire, glyph of warding, and guardian of faith. The guardian looked super cool, unfortunately disappeared the turn before it was needed, because I cast it pre-battle and the Halsin conversation took a few turns/wasnt in turn-based mode. I wonder if i started the conversation, switched to shadowheart in turn based, went back to the conversation if that would work.

Also tried the thing of throwing a healing potion at someone, it never works for me. It just destroys the potion, idk what im doing wrong.

And then shadowheart and karlach were silenced fighting the tollkeeper, for some reason it still thinks karlach is silenced even q long rest later. Ill see if thats still happening when I boot up my game again.

I really like the little area under the tollhouse basement. I wish there was more to explore there, but. Little secret romantic hideout. Who was down there anyway? During the shadow curse? They seemed peaceful. I dont mind skeletons as that kind of environmental story telling. I just find the piles of bones and stacks of shrouded corpses and random dismembered limbs to be no thank you.

I also didnt kill the devil so astarions big mad at me now. Offered my neck up but i forgot to check if its improved his opinion of me. Need my sneaky rogue man! I just dont at all like or trust Raphael. Creepy man. Offered me food that was definitely suspicious.

I started watching someone stream the game, totally new to dnd, so its interesting watching what they do and dont pick up on compared to like, eg I started off knowing to look for a dash option, and about spell slots, and im familiar at least passongly with a majority of spells and feats and things. It is starting to give me that experience of "no one understand my fave like I do", also looking on ao3 for karlach. Its a looot of "tall demon bondage mommy lady" and thats just not her personality at all, shes incredibly sweet and genuine and free spirited and also vulnerable and new to being around people she cares about, to trusting. Shes not a practised dominatrix. Maybe I should also look for lower rated fics and see what comes up too 😂.

Also the funniest thing happened in the tollhouse fight. I had asterion pickpocket the tollkeeper so he had her key. We're in combat, Karlach happens to run past the safe, I get the magic pockets pop up and suddenly Karlach is running on the attack encumbered! So I pull up the inventory, send the chest to camp, and she keeps running. All in six seconds! 😂😂

And I forgot to check what was in the chest!! Ill have to do that, lets be real, probably tomorrow. And then as long as there isnt more to do on the Thaniel quest immediately, on to moonrise towers! And a level up. Hopefully. Im eyeing it. Collecting fifth level spell scrolls, want to learn em already 👀. Gimme those cool spells!

(And the way you specify where you want the wall of fire to be? Very cool and well done).

[summer-2024]

i will be a senior in high school in the fall and im very excited!

my main goals for this summer are:

1. apply for scholarships

2. learn to wake up with alarms and not my parents

3. be kinder to everyone (including myself)

4. (and the most unrealistic) get into a relationship again!

elaborating further:

1. the college i would like to go to is quite expensive but i fell in love with the campus and its only about an hour from my town, so i need to make up the change using scholarships. merit based scholarship through the collage covers most, and my parents will help with room and board, but there is still a good chunk i need to make up through other specialty scholarships. im doing a camp there soon to make sure i really love it so im just researching a bit right now. im planning on looking on wensites like bold.org etc

2. i need to learn how to do this asap. the camp i mentioned previously is in eleven days and breakfast starts at 7:30 and i struggle with alarms a lot. i just set one for 7:30 tomorrow morning so fingers crossed. its 11:25 now so quite late, but lights out at the camp is at 11 i think. im worried i wont get enough sleep

3. im really not a very kind person, im mean and its not good at all. im rude to myself and others and its not okay and it negatively impacts me and others. i want to be more kind, and that includes to my body. the gym has a free summer program so im planning on starting to work out as well so hopefully that will help improve my kindness as well. i need to find an exercise plan however. if i put in effort for myself thats like humility right? i got a gratitude journal as well so we will see.

4. my ex girlfriend broke up with me a little over a year ago, and ive had crushes since then but i havent even flirted with anyone i dont think. the guy i had a crush on last summer is dating another girl but the other guy i have a crush on (ironically they have the same name) just began following me on instagram so maybe theres something there. time will tell! i dont think we will have many classes together next year because i only plan to take one ap class, and this year most of our shared classes were aps (i took four this year and it was decidedly wayy too many.). regardless, im really hoping he will do this one class where they do writing for a book that my class puts together (im in graphic design) because he does creative writing and ive been fantasizing us working together on the book because the writing class this past year was all older than me and i wasnt close to many. nothing will likely come of attempting to date but we will see!

here is to hoping this summer is good!

also the reason i have so much time to do all of this is because my job isnt scheduling me but 6 hours a week so i have time to kill. i might get a second job though.

[rippeds0cks]

3/4/2024

I have been weird lately. Some days ill be doing great then other days ill be as worse as ive ever been. These last couple days have been bad. Ive been so bad mentally that ive had to stop whatever im doing (eating, watching a movie, working out, playing elden ring) and just sit there and stare off into nothing. I zoned out entirely when i was driving yesterday. Ended up going 75 in a 45 and had to rush a break when i zoned back in so i didnt slam into the back of the car in front of me. Cant have that become a habit since im gonna be driving a lot soon. Buying a gun soon. Not for suicide or anything i need it for bears n such since im gonna be camping in the middle of national parks a lot. I havent slept well in weeks. Every night for the last couple nights ive been as close to tears as ive been in recent memory. I get really emotional laying here n my right eye will be teary but my left eye will not. I wonder if my tear duct is damaged in any kinda way since thats the side closest to my head injury. It shouldnt be since thats my better eye. Back when i got a cut on my left eyelid i was essentially blind for those couple days it took for the swelling to go down since my right eye is essentially useless. That reminds me, my dad is slowly catching onto how bad my health is. He made the observation “you might have something wrong with your depth perception cause you get really close to the cars in front of you when you drive” and i just went “haha yeah” when in reality my depth perception mostly went when i was like a very early 19 and i just got used to it. Fighting made me able to “feel” the distance between me and everything around me but that goes out the window when im operating a machine like a car. Ill get used to it i guess. Maybe start wearing my glasses.

I think that on this trip ill make the decision about reaching out to my ex. I think that if i get all the way to vegas and still think about her ill reach out for closure. Thatll be a while tho. Maybe well over a year. I dont know. Ive just completely given up any delusion of her contacting me. If contact is to be made itll be made by me. I just cant stop thinking about her and its already ridiculous so if it continues for so long that by the time i get to vegas i might as well reach out. Worst comes to worst and she loses her mind/gets a restraining order n i cant firefight anymore i can just kill myself its not a big deal. I just cant keep harboring these emotions forever. I already dont wanna harbor em im just too scared to reach out. It doesnt help that me n benj (mostly benj) bring up our exes a lot so i have to think about her. He says shit sometimes that unlocks memories i didnt know i had and it will make my ass catatonic for the day.

Like once i had a ptsd attack while asleep and i jolted awake and we were napping together and i woke up to her laying on me pulling me as close as possible and it brought my heart rate down and mental state down entirely, i was able to relax and calm down just cause she was there. She probably doesnt remember it since when i jolted awake she was mostly still asleep, just doing a slurred half awake “do u have to pee” to which i just said no n we both went back to bed.

I waa gonna type out another memory thats been replaying in my head where she lays with me as i was having full body convulsions and i was in some of the most pain i have ever been in. Rubbing my back and holding my hand. I was gonna type it all out in detail but im already shaking and crying out of one eye lol. No snot or anything tho so i dont know if this qualifies as crying.

Anyways i would give anything to be able to experience that again. The first and only person to ever love me and things went so horribly wrong. Both of our faults. I take the vast majority of the blame though. She takes the blame towards the end but the rest of it is my fault.

Anyways

[siriuslystargazing]

Under Your Spell

((Okay so i this hs been in my drfats for a solid 3 years so i have rewritten it and im back into writing again lol))

Song: Desire - Under Your Spell

Requested: Nope 

Summary: the boys are in 6th year, James thinks Remus and Sirius are breaking up so with the help of his Lily Flower they create a freaky friday parent trap

TW: very mild Abuse, depression, blood, scabs, needing the toilet 

“good godric, this weekend has been a total and utter disaster” James huffed flopping onto his bed. 

“How so?” Peter Questioned from his bed 

“well if you havent noticed my dear wormy, Moony has decied to camp in the libary and my darling Sirius is sulking in th astronmy tower” James stated matter of factly. “its a bloody shambles” 

“well maybe we should all talk about our feelings and then make hot chocolates, thats what my mum does and then everything is right again” peter smiled at the thought of a rich hot choclate with whipped cream on top in his favourite mug.

“as disgustingly sweet as that sounds Peter, we are infact idea men and i have the perfect plan on getting our two love dogs tounge fighting agian” 

“i dont know whats worse hearing that horrific plan or seeing you in your undwear Potter” Lily swiftly entered the Marauders dorms smirking and making her way to James bed.

“Lily Flower!” James jumped up from his bed allowing Lily To sit 

“i think Peters idea was good, you should talk about your feelings”

“Lily, light of my life, flower of mein eye. i cant stress how that will never happen, so in times like these i have alsways got a Plan” James rushed to his trunk as lily rolled her eyes at her excentric boyfirend, he bagan digging and pulled out a scrapbook 

“whats that?” Peter asked 

“this my wormy firend is my book of plans, pefectly formulated plans for any and every occasion and this” James began to flip through the pages stopping at a section that looked like it was ripped from another note book “is what we need, this is a potion i found in one of my mums books its a ... well i dont remember the name of it but it will help, its was in the ‘make Lily fall in love with me’ section but i dont need that now” James looked over to the red head who in response just rolled her eyes 

“careful Potter, anyway what does that potion do exactly” Lily moved over to James and read the pages of the book. “it dosent seem that hard to make give me and hour”

“wait you want to help?” 

“of course, they are my firends as well and it saddens me to see them act like this” Lily smiled once more taking the pages on the potion with her as she left the Marauders bedroom and a stunned James Potter 

“bloody hell, you all right James?”

“What a Woman”

------

Sirius sat in the astonomy tower his legs dangling from the balcony as he took a drag of his ciggarett he smiled at the faint voice of Remus in the back of his head “thoes will kill you y’know” 

“fuck sake why am i like this” sirius said to no one 

He sat there watching the constellations paint the sky and decied to head to the great hall for dinner.  Sirius hadnt really being feeling himslef for days and felt better to just discontect until he was Sirius again, but Remus got mad and said thats not how this works and well know Sirius was sulking in the tower and going to dinner he really wasnt interested in.  The Smell of fresh baked bread and soups of all flavours wafted out from the doors to the great hall Sirius felt the pang of hunger and walked into the hall he tried to put on a smile and hoped it will work for a few hours. 

“OI PADS!!!” James shouted from his seat neary spilling soup allover Remus who’s head was buried in his book, Sirius smiled and rushed over to his firends 

“oh by the way Lily made this really cool drink you should try it me and peter had some earlier” James placed two bottles on the table infront of Sirius and Remus. Remus peeled his eyes from his book and inspected the bottle “why is it blue and the smell is god awful” Remus rocoiled Sirius grimiced at the semll but couldnt care less 

“well could be worse moony, could be that awlful excuse of hot chocolate peter made last week, well bottoms up lads” Sriurs took the potion and gagged and remus shurgged it wasnt the worse thing he has eaten or eat soon with. full moon on its way. 

the three Marauders sat at the table exchanging small convosations James satisfied that his friends are talking again thinking the potion was working, however Sirius began to feel drowsy 

“pads are you okay?” Remus shot up from his seat noticing Sirius go pale and started to sway in his seat 

“umm yeah just a little dizzy i think i might head to bed”

“ill come with you i dont want you falling down the stairs or somthing” Remus hopped over the table that James considered very out of character as he followed suit slinging sirius other arm over his shoulder and headed back to the dorms.

by the time the three boys got back Remus was dragging hiself to his bed and sirius was out cold, James was starting to get worried what if he possibly poisoned his best friends the only thing he could do was run down to Lily.

“EVANS !!! LILY FLOWER I NEED YOU” James yelled in the common room frantically, a group of first years looked at him but just brushed it off as Marauders nonsense “for merlins skae James What?” Lily stomed in from the Grils dorms 

“i think we may have ummm oisonedpay emthay”

“What? are you using pig latain?”

“yes we have royally fucked up i think”

“ugh just leave them till morning and keep them alseep on their sides if they decied to vomit”

“but lily shouldnt we-”

“no because they will trace it back to me who made the potion so just chill it will all even out in the morning”

“Fine,” and With lily and jmes headedd back to their respective dorms “i still love you by the way” James shouted to lily who in return shouted “i know”

---

That James didnt sleep a wink, he constantly checked on Remus and sirius who both slept like the dead and that did not ease his soul at all. when dawn finally broke Remus was the first up much to James suprise he watched as Remus went straight to the bathroom.

Sirius waltzed into teh bathroom first like everymorning but found his body was far more achey than it usally is, maybe he slpet funny but didnt dwell on it much as he was busting for a piss. Sirius continued his usual morning routine of waking up and washing his face he looked and the mirror “Remus get out of the way im washing.... my ... face..” and screamed for he was infact not sirius but remus 

“WHAT THE FUCK JAMES!!!!” James ran into the bathroom to see Remus standing squishing his face “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!!!” Remus (who is infact in Sirius body) fell from his bed and hurried to the bathroom

“i dont know what you mean i havent done anything to you moony” James defended himslef 

“see thats the thing potter im not remus im Sirius but this is not my fucking body what did you do” Sirius spoke his voice rising he then noticed his body standing infront of him and he was pointing at himself 

“why are you me?” Remus Began

“i could ask you the same thing” Sirius followed 

“you havent gone for a piss yet?” 

“No, and its not like-”

“enough not the point or time” Remus looked in the mirror at sirius refection” James that drink you gave us last night what was it”

“so you know how you two have been well not so lovey dovey and i really thought you two were breaking up and wel i thought maybe if i used this potion i found in my mums books to make you two fall in love again” James began rambling again and all sirius and remus could do was look at each other then back at James 

Remus, in Sirius body sighed whislt he pinched the bridge of his nose “and did you by any chance check this potion, like oh gee i dont know the name of it and the side effects” 

James opened his mouth but decied to close it again witch caused Sirius, in Remus body to walk over to his friend and slap him, but before his hand could strike the blow Sirius doubled down in pian 

“holy fuck what was that... shit” sirius panted cluting his abdomen

“oh yeah, full moon tonight and thats very normal” Remus winced he forgot and he was so used to the pain he never reacted like that infront of the marauders. 

“so every morning before a full moon you go through this intense pain and not bat an eye or anything?” sirius asked 

“well yeah, but ive gotten so used to it...”

“SO! remus you said we wouldnt keep secrets!” 

“sorry”

“Okay Okay, lets stop before we do anything else we regret, im going to get lily you to stay here okay?” James said as he grabbed his Dressing gown and headed to the common room in hopes of finding Lily.

Remus looked over at his body, he was soused to seeing it in the mirror but seeing it directly infront of him he couldnt help but grimice and be repelled by his scars “godric im disgusting” 

“What?! Remus dont say that your beautiful” 

“Shut up sirius look at you” Remus guestured to the body he was in, it was infact a beautiful but he could shake off an itch at his back “look you amazing and why the fuck are you so itchy, i swear to godric if you have fleas again-” but beofre remus could finsh he saw the fear in his eyes and then the familer sting of an open wopen wound. Remus decied to take of his shirt and look in the mirror along his back were 3 very large stikes along sirius back

“Sirius...”

“it was a parting gift from walburga” was all sirius could muster as his voice shook, luckily James and lily came in

“oh my Sirius your back” Lily’s hands coverd her mouth as she rushed over to Remus in Sirius’ body 

“Pads Why didnt you tell mum?”

“I didnt want to bother her, besides it didnt get infected and im fine” 

“Its not the point! This is why i did all this your not being you and i thought you were breaking up with remus and i got scared i would lose both of you and...”

“James, Sirius and I are still very much in love, right?” Remus reasured James 

“yeah im so in love with this dork that i was so scared to admit it i might lose him” Sirius began tears pricked at his eyes “i just.. well since running away from home i just havnt been feeling me and im sorry if i was pushing you away i just didnt know what to do”

“Oh sirius you blind idiot, you know you can always talk to us” Remus hugged his boyfired plaing a kiss on his cheek “oh this is very weired” 

“your telling me, i know for a fact i may act like a narcasiss but this is. a little excessive” Sirius laughed, James and Lily laughed as well joining the two boys in a group hug 

“See i told you if we all just talked about our feelings evrything would be okay” peter perked up from the doorway a tray of hot chocolates in hand “you never really needed to do this excessive parent freaky friday trap in the first place” 

“yeah i guess your right wormy” james laughed sheepishly 

“but then again Lily, how long will this last because as much as i love remus i dont think im ready to turn into a werewolf and i am busting for a piss and well boundires” Sirius laughed, looking over at the red head 

“yeah well have you tried true loves kiss if not your in for a fun 24 hours pads”

The end :)

A/N: Thanks for reading, i hope you liked it!! i want to apologose for any spelling mistakes and any other errors 

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Zuko says fuck all of you, this war is stupid, your bending elitism is stupid, I'm gonna end your stupid existence with sheer spite and teenage angst

>If He Used His Strength<

"Maybe you'd like one to match!" Zuko snapped at Zhao

"Is that a challenge?" The irritating older man sounded all too cocky

"An Agni Kai, at sunset" he glared daggers at the man who just so happened to agree to the duel

Once Zuko used a move outside of his firebending the match was over quickly. He easily broke Zhao's root, kicking flames only at his feet until he fell back. He stood over him with a dark stare. He was tired of this. Tired of running around. Tired of chasing a twelve year old boy. Tired of tirelessly searching for the love of a terrible father. Tired of the war. He was done with it. And he had the power to end it. Not the fire power per say. But the ability to fight against and overpower multiple benders without ever lighting a spark himself

"DO IT!" Zhao spat at him

Zuko let out a loud growled shout and punched the ground right next to Zhao's head with a bright flame exploding from it. "This war is over. I beat you. And I'll beat him. I dont need fire to take you down."

"Wha-"

"So far your biggest enemies have been a twelve year old monk and a sixteen year old boy with trauma. So save your questions for your prison cell you cocky piece of trash" and with that he spit in his face and made a flip off of him and to Iroh. "Lets go"

"What do you plan to do prince Zuko?" Iroh asked in a confused tone

"Im going to end the war"

And with that they were off leaving Zhao to stand up and look down at the indent in the ground from where Zuko punched. A dent in the solid ground. "Send a warning to the firelord. He has company coming, and its not going to be petty" Zhao said as he came to the realization that if Zuko had actually landed that punch on his head he would have died on impact.

About two days later he was stopped in a small port town to grab some supplies and he ran into Aang who rightfully went into defense mode but he held up his hand "I'm only here to restock before I go fight my dad"

"What"

"Im done trying to please the bastard, he's terrible and this war is terrible, everyone in the firenation thinks fire is the best but it just sucks." Zuko shrugged "so I'm gonna go fight him and take the throne so I can end this stupid war"

"Oh... are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious, who do you think burnt my face? Of course I wanna fight him" Zuko waved to Iroh who was coming up to the pair with a bag of rations

"Oh, hello Avatar, sorry to run into you again" he apologized with a bow "Zuko came to some realizations and-"

"He already told me, hey, if you want to fight the firelord and you're serious about it, I can go talk to my friends about it and we can give you a lift on Appa and you'll get their quicker"

"Alright, we'll be on the port until sunset, if you come before then to get me then I'll come with you, if not, I'm sailing there"

Meanwhile the gaang were camped out when Aang came running in with what seemed to be confused excitement "guys, Zuko's gonna end the war"

Katara and Sokka looked up from the map that Sokka was holding "what thats insane, We're going to end the war, that's why you're training. Besides Zuko is our enemy and part of the firenation. Why would he end the war? And how would he even?"

"Okay, maybe I should have been more clear. Zuko is fed up with the war, and he's on his way to fist fight dad and end the war"

"Okay.. this... this I gotta see, we should find him and give him a lift."

"Funny you say that, he's in town and I offered him a ride"

After Aang went to go get Zuko and Iroh they made a walk towards the camp where the group started asking him questions to be certain he wasn't just trying to trick them and also to figure out how in the hell he hopes to do this.

"So. You want to go... fist fight your dad?"

"Uh, well, that's not exactly how I'd word it"

"Why not use your fire bending?"

Zuko let out a long sigh "alright, let me give you guys a run down on the fire nation okay? First of all, firebending is seen as the only form of actual power. Any non benders or late benders are seen as weaker and often times are. But they hold bending on such a high pedestal that most benders never take the time to master anything else. They don't practice any other form of fighting, let alone any other sort of strength training.

"I was a late bender so my bending is weaker than most. But I've taken the time to train with swords and multiple different fighting styles. I can easily break a solid steel chain with my foot in a shoe and I can break solid wood with my bare feet." He took a second to look around at the group "while I havent attempted it, I could probably crush someone's skull as well if we're taking into account of the two other things I know for a fact that I can break"

The group looked at eachother with terrified expressions "Zuko holy shit, you could have killed me at the south pole"

"Yeah, but I have control over the amount of force in each kick, and I wasnt trying to kill you... you were just in my way"

"Alright, well, I'm convinced, lets go"

And with that they were off, Zuko agreeing to have the group help him if he needed it. Iroh decided to teach Zuko how to redirect lightning on their journey incase he needed it.. When they landed Ozai was already outside prepared, having gotten the letter a day before and hearing that the bison had been spotted.

Jumping off of Appa Zuko and Ozai stared eachother down "Zuko"

"Father," Zuko narrowed his eyes "I challenge you to an Agni Kai. But. By your honor and mine. You and I are only able to use fire once during the battle. If you can defeat me with only one fire attack, then you can keep up with your stupid war. But. If I defeat you with the same limits then I take the throne" motioning his hand forward he continued "do we have a deal"

Ozai gave him a cold glare "you truly are pathetic," glancing at the avatar on the bison he gave in "deal"

The fight didn't last long, Ozai had already used fire within the first few seconds and Zuko took the low ground beneath it as a means of attacking. Running low and sliding between the older man's legs only to come up behind him and land a quick kick against his side. Sending him to the ground where Zuko took his advantage point to lift his leg up and slam it down directly on the man's chest.

A loud crack could be heard throughout the courtyard. A few broken ribs and probably some fatal internal bleeding kept Ozai on the ground. Zuko turned to the firenation officials who came to witness the fight. "This war is over. Go cry a river if you oppose its end."

"That was a cheat!" Someone in the crowd shouted

"How so?" He mocked back "it was a duel, I used only what I have and no extra weapons, I set a single extra rule and followed it to the extreme." Tilting his head he gave an irritated grin "would you like to fight against me with the same rules? I'm more than happy to give another show if you'd like"

The crowd had no other objections after that. Funny how that happened. Azula came bounding out into the courtyard, probably ready to see Zuko down but was instead met by the scene of Zuko standing over Ozai victorious.

"You- actually won?"

"I didnt use fire Azula, wanna try your hand?" He made a move to get into a fighting stance but instead was met by her running up to him with her arms open for a... hug? He didnt hug back for a moment, confused, but heard a few muffled apologies and returned the hug.

"So, you're gonna be firelord huh?" She asked as they separated, he nodded "And you're ending the war?"

"Exactly"

"Lame" she groaned out

"Everything I do is lame to you isn't it?"

"Not everything, but most things"

And with that Zuko ended the war, got himself and his sister some much needed therapy, Aang left to train around the world while it was healing from the war, only coming back to the firenation to train under Iroh and Zuko. Sokka managed to go to master Piando with Zuko's recommendation(though Sokka didn't know he'd been recommended). Katara managed to dismantle the sexism in the north pole after training with the swamp benders and whooping Pakku's ass.

Ozai is fckn dead, rest in fckn hell dude.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Comparing RWBY and YGO DM: The Handling and Evolution of Themes

Hey! Its been a hot minute since I last posted anything RWBY-related but Im laying in my bed right now and Im sick and bored so I guess we're doing this. Today I will do my best to analyze what I percieve to be the main themes and messages of both of these shows, or more specifically, how theyre handled narratively. Im mostly focusing on that part because, while these series do have similar themes and messaging, they are still a few things in which they are wildly different. And with that, lets start with this essay-post-thing!

1. Theres something we need to adress first

Okay so, before we can really talk about this, theres something I feel the need to clarify here: Neither of these stories was "planned from the beginning".

Now, I dont think a story being planned from the beginning or not nesscessarily makes the story any better or worse by default, however, it is still important to acknowledge because the way the story is planned is going to affect every facet of it. Things are not going to be foreshadowed properly, things are gonna be set up only for nothing to come of it, the story might drastically change directions, characters might act differently, etc, etc.

And, this is bit off-topic but, it's much better to just admit that the story was not planned than trying to pretend that it was. Like, there are a lot of reasons why I tend to be so forgiving towards YGO even though its not very good, but one of them is definitely the fact that, as far as Im aware atleast, the guy who wrote it isnt pretending to have had this big master plan all along and neither is the fandom. With RWBY on the other hand... yeaaaah, its kinda the opposite. From what Ive seen of RWBYs fandom, there seems to be this pretty popular narrative that everything was planned even though it clearly wasnt. Thats pretty bad and honestly lowers my opinion of the writers so much more than if they would just admit to not having a proper plan.

Like, I initially consumed YGO like this: Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh (aka Season 0), like, a quarter of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga (I still havent finished it)

In all three of these we have the character of Yami Yuugi, or just Yami. Broadly speaking, he is an ancient egyptian gamer spirit who lives in a magical puzzle that has not been solved for 3000 years until this highschooler named Yuugi Mutou comes along and solves it, thus setting him free and allowing him to possess Yuugi and have access to the vague magical powers of the puzzle.

In Duel Monsters he's perfectly fine most of time, morally speaking. There is an instance of him almost murdering a guy and its a bit unclear what exactly happens to those he mindcrushes but overall he's very much a pretty good guy. In Season 0 most of what he does is set up these games for bad people, where they will go insane no matter what they do. From how I understand this whole Shadow Game, Penalty Game stuff, if you lose a Shadow Game, you get violent and intense hallucinations and you will always cuz yknow, gamer spirit. But if you try to cheat, which most of the bad people do in this show, you get violent and intense hallucinations as a punishment.

Since the two anime are generally considered two different continuities, its perfectly fine that Yamis characterization is wildly different in both of them. But in the manga both of these characterizations appear, basically one after the other with no real arc or consequences, for that matter. Why is that? Simply put, someone thought it was a good idea to try to turn an episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror manga into a more traditional, more plot-driven battle shounen. From what Ive heard, it was apparently largely because of network interference or something, but the point is, it changed directions incredibly drastically with little planning and everyone knows this and I can understand that for the most part.

In RWBY we have the character of Blake Belladonna, who, in the first 3 volumes/seasons atleast, was this aloof, more toned down loner-type character with a pretty strong sense of justice. She's an in-universe marginilized racial minority and she clearly cares about racial injustice. The way its initially framed makes it seem like she had a very hard life and no stable support system, which is what eventually pushed her to join a Civil Rights group/Terrorist organization (good god, the Faunus subplot is so awful, I could write a whole essay about it but Im already de-railing rn so I'll just save that for later).

Then, in volumes 4-5 it turns out her father is actually like, the mayor or chief of this island-place called Menagerie and she grew up in this big mansion with multiple guards/servants. Oh and also, apparently "space is a commodity" on there, so theres that. She still retains large parts of her personality but she's kinda like, worse somehow I think. I cant really describe it in a meaningful way but I hope you get what Im saying anyway. Then in Volume 6 she confronted her emotional abuser Adam (sorry for not mentioning him sooner but yeah, he was like, her abusive boyfriend, which is something that a lot of people disagree with but I wont really say anything about it either way because I dont really feel any specific way) with her friend, Yang, and ended up killing him.

After all that, she pretty much lost the rest of her personality, as well as her arc about all the Faunus stuff. She just kinda became the meek, generically nice, recovering abuse victim. Why? Well, the actual reason is that they didnt plan out shit and are just kinda flying by the seat of their oversized clown-pants and if they and the fandom just admitted it, I would have less of an issue. I still wouldnt be as forgiving towards RWBY as I am towards YGO because the crux of the issue, for me, is just that I dont particulary like RWBY but also like. Do you really expect me to take MKEK seriously as writers after admitting to not have a timeline because iT wOuLd CaUsE pLoThOlEs?

However, since they want us to believe that everything was planned out from the beginning, the explaination would be.... Idk, they deliberately butchered one of their main characters?? Because.. they hate her?? Maybe????

So yeah, that was quite a detour however, I would like you to keep this mind going forward.

2. Themes of the Early Series'

First, what do mean by 'Early Series' for both of these shows respectively? Well, for YGO that would have to be Season 0 or if youre reading the manga, everything pre-Duelist Kingdom. Basically, the part of the series thats a episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror series.

For RWBY that would be the first three Volumes, also known as the Poser-Era. Back then it was just kinda an action series that took place at Anime Warrior Academy (also known as Beacon) with some pretty bare minimum worldbuilding, character-driven plots and developments but now its more of an epic high-fantasy story with more of an emphasis on plot as opposed to just action.

The themes and messages in Early YGO are kinda vague, very confusing to me and if you were to follow any of it literally that would be pretty bad. For now Im just gonna say the main themes are Friendship and Identity and mostly focus on the Identity aspect.

Now, it took me a little while to figure out RWBYs deal but I think the main themes for Volumes 1-3 are also Friendship and Heroism. Once again, I'll mostly focus on Heroism and touch on Friendship more briefly later.

I dont have much more to add to YGOs themes right now, so I'll briefly go over Heroism in RWBY.

In RWBYs setting there are these man-eating monsters called Grimm that have basically infected the planet. In order to deal with that, they have people called huntsmen and huntresses that kill them and protect people. Theyre trained at special academies like Beacon and go on missions there and stuff like that. Our four main characters, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang, are training to become huntresses and one day they go on this mission to clean up a grimm infested city block with one of their teachers. Obviously, that takes a long time so they have to camp out in one of the empty houses. Weiss, Blake and Yang cant sleep because theyve been thinking about this question that their teacher asked them when they were fighting grimm: "Why do you want to become a huntress?"

They have a heart to heart and we find out about their motivations; Weiss wants to bring honour back to her family, Blake want to distance herself from the White Fang (that terrorist organization I mentioned earlier) and as an extension from Adam, Yang wants to have a life of adventure. They also talk about why Ruby wants to be a huntress and it turns out that she judt wants to help people. Unlike the others, she has no motivation besides that. We're meant to listen to that and look at her as a sort-of personification of Heroism: kind, but not naive, strong and most of all, selfless. The others on her team are not portayed as bad for not being like Ruby by any means but we are clearly meant to admire her the most out of all of them.

Okay, now comes the part Ive been looking forward to the most:

3. How did these themes evolve in the Modern Series'?

Alright, before we can really delve into the way they evolved in YGO I'll have to give you a brief summary of the character progression. At the start of DM, during the Duelist Kingdom arc, Yami Yuugi is just that; A darker Yuugi. Hes more confident, bolder, his voice is deeper, hes somehow taller, more ruthless, all that good stuff. Notably, he doesnt actually seem more skilled than Yuugi even at the start of this story, but he's still dependent on Yami. Yami on the other hand, has no identity of his own or even hints at one at this point. He's just The Other Yuugi.

Then during the Battle City arc, they find out that Yami was actually a pharao prior to being sealed in the puzzle, he just didnt know because of amnesia, I guess. So now they need to find out his real name and then send him to the afterlife because hes meant to be dead, but not before saving the world from being swallowed by darkness, which is also a thing they have to do now.

Then we finally get to the Memory World arc, where Yami, Yuugi and the rest of the gang astralproject to ancient egypt via puzzle magic. Yami is trying to figure out what the hell is going on and who all these familiar people are, while Yuugi & Co are trying their best to help him. Then some weird shit happens and it turns out that all of that is not just Yamis sealed away memories, but also a giant D&D Shadow Game that will destroy the world if Yami loses. So now theres Pharao!Yami who is still clueless on the metaphorical and literal playing field and Player!Yami, who is kinda controlling himself now? I guess?? Yamis opponent, The Spirit of The Ring, has something similar to that going on where hes both controlling and properly participating in the game. So Player!Yami is now fighting against Player!TSoTR, Pharao!Yami is now fighting against Thief King Bakura (who is like, the human, ancient egyptian version of the Ring Spirit) and Yuugi is now fighting against Yami Bakura (who is like, the human, modern japanese version of the Ring Spirit). Yuugi gets Yamis real name, he and the gang go over to Pharao!Yami and tell him his name, meanwhile Player!Yami is also somehow helping as well and they defeat the Ring Spirit, thus saving the world. Then they travel to modern Egypt, the Ceremonial Duel happens and Yuugi wins, sending Yami to the Afterlife where he can finally rest and that was the series!

I originally wanted to recount the stuff that was going on with the Ring Spirit and his host as well because they parallel eachother, but this summary is already far too long and I think youll get the point without me needing to explain any more.

My point here is, that the story went from being vaguely about Identity, maybe? to being very clearly about Self-Discovery and Learning to Be Independent. I think this is a very good way to evolve the messaging of your story. How does RWBY track on that?

Well, uh... its not great. I will acknowledge that they have tried to introduce new themes and ideas since, even though I wont really be talking about them in this post. But yeah, the whole Heroism thing really regressed.

Like, I didnt explicitly say it when I was explaining grimm earlier, but theyre not going away. The grimm have always been there and people who sign up to become huntsmen and huntresses are effectively signing up for a job that will never truly be done, no matter what they do. Characters like Ruby and even more minor ones like Phyrrah have shown us that that doesnt matter when youre a hero. No life isnt worth saving, no grimm isnt worth killing, no criminal isnt worth arresting. Then, in volume 6 they find out about Salem. Salem is the Big Bad of the show, shes immortal, controls the grimm and is supposed to be very powerful.

What do our heroes do? They give up. Sike! They were just mindcontrolled by monsters or some shit, of course they didnt give up their mission (which is to bring an Important Macguffin to a city called Atlas, sorry I didnt mention it)!

But then they arrive in Atlas (which is llike, a city thats floating over another city called Mantle) and yknow, they do some plot stuff thats not really important right now until the city gets invaded by Salem and this big grimm army she has.

What do our heroes do? Well, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and some side characters are chilling, drinking tea in a mansion and Yang and the B Team were actually trying to do something, but even those efforts seem incredibly minimal.

Oh wait, I also forgot to mention that Ironwood (a fairly minor, vaguely antagonistic character up until now) wanted to lift Atlas even higher to save Atleasian civilians from danger while leaving Mantle vulnerable to Salems invasion.

What would be the most heroic thing to do?

A) Let Ironwood lift Atlas, get as much support as they can down to Mantle and save as many Mantle civilians as they can from the invasion

B) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas but then split up in order to protect both Atlas and Mantle civilians

C) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas and then dont do anything else

Congrats! If you choose C, you think exactly like the writers!

And I just

This is so mindboggling to me, I feel like I shouldnt even have explain how this is bad. And like, it wouldve been so easy to actually make them seem herokc through their actions, to make it seem like they did try but no.

I have never seen a central theme be this botched, how in the world did they do that? Why did they think it was a good idea for Ruby "The Embodiment of Heroism" Rose to sit in a mansion doing nothing, no planning, no organizing just ..... God, how are they this bad? Like, this doesnt even have anything to do with it being planned in any way, this is just straight up incompetence

4. Very briefly touching on friendship

The friendship is awful and its not solely because they all have the same opinions. They barely interact with eachother outside their designated pairs which leads to it all feeling incredibly hollow. Theyre also practically indistingushable from one another now, which is a shame because it wasnt always like that. Like, I dont think the characters were that well-developed in earlier volumes but they were very well-characterized. But now we've gotten to a point where you can literally copy and paste one characters dialogue onto another and literally nothing changes, it really sucks.

5. Some closing words

Damn, this took way longer than I thought it would and now Im pretty exhausted. I have no idea how yall always write these but props to you! I feel like this ended up a bit rambly but overall, Im pretty proud.

Please let me know what you think of the points I brought up! Id also really appreciate some tips on how to get better at these longer posts because I am planning on writing more in the future (not the near future, probably but yknow).

Thats all I have to say for now, thanks for reading!

[daddychims]

The Muse

Genre: Smut, PWP, Author AU

Pairings: Fuckboy!Tae X Author! Reader X Colleague! Jungkook

Other BTS members all make a cameo as well because I’m an OT7 Trash!

You find yourself in a dead end , contemplating if you should just quit your job as an author in a big publishing company when your boss demands you to add more “Edge” to your writing. But your best friend is quick to give you a hand out of your misery, suggesting he could be your “Muse” for the night to help you in desperate times.

Word Count : 30K

Warning:

Smut, Dom!tae , Fuckboy!tae , implied DDLG , Cum play , Throat fucking, Gagging , a bit of Breath play, Choking Kink, Thigh riding, rough sex, Unprotected sex, Spanking, daddy kink, alcohol use, swearing, PWP, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Pure filth basically! Read at your own risk!

Author’s Note: If you think this fic is familiar is because I posted this a long time ago. While I was polishing my masterlist I accidentally deleted all chapters. I was devastated but I figured I’d just edit it and repost it as a one shot. If you’ve already read this and enjoyed it please reblog and like! If you havent, well enjoy 30K of pure filth, you’re welcome! 

Inspired by It Aint My Fault by Zara Larson

You knock the black file on the table, the sight of it makes your stomach turn at the memories associated with it. You spare a glance at the guy flipping his purple hair away from his face, totally ignoring the masses of people behind the bar waiting to be served with their cash in hand.

“You alright Babe?” He asks in pure concern and you nod settling on the chair that is too high for your height.

“Can I have something strong, anything will do!” you breathe out with an exhausted tone and he quickly turns around and reaches for one of the higher shelves, pushing a couple of bottles to grab the hidden bottle before coming back to where you’re sitting

“Is it that asshole again?” he asks as he grabs a big piece of ice and starts shaving it skilfully into an Iceball before placing it in a glass and filling it with some of the magical drink.

“This is why you shouldn’t get married, Jimin.” You say as you take a sip and wince at the stinging burn rushing down your throat while the guy standing in front of you waits patiently for more elaboration on your bizarre statement “Because then when your marriage is fucked up your employees will have to pay for it”

He laughs as he quickly fills the top of your glass with the bottle in his hand “Maybe you should just fuck him and relieve some of the stress his wife gives him.” he suggests and receives a glare from you as your indulge yourself back on the hard liquor

“Fuck who? me?”  The deep voice echoes in your ear and you sigh, already annoyed at the guy who’s done nothing but is settling beside you.

“Jung is giving her a hard time,” Jimin explains to his friends before placing the bottle in front of you two and making his way to the rushes of people his colleague can barely take care of at the other side of the bar.

“So you wanna fuck him?” Taehyung asks as he leans in over the bar and grabs a glass for himself, a couple of weird looks being thrown his way, he can’t care less about. He practically owns the place so if anyone has any right to lean in and use and abuse the bar all he wants, he would be the rightful owner.

“He’s already fucking me up in that meeting room every single day,” you scoff gulping down the rest of the glass and he quickly fills it up for you “And I let him and his assistants take turn fucking me like their little corporate whore, like the idiot I am.” you scoff bitterly, the rageful words leaving your lips one after another

“Damn … you really are a writer. You just described a really good gangbang. Are you into writing porn these days? ” He muses receiving a scolding hiss from you “Easy!” he spits back holding his hands defensively.

You place your elbow on the table and rest your head on your palm as you mutter “He says my final draft doesn’t have enough edge to be published, He wants something that is enough for people to either drink or masturbate.” You roll your eyes as you repeat the man’s quote from your meeting earlier

“So he wants either a sex scene or a tragic death?” Taehyung clarifies as he shakes his head “Jesus, Seokjin Hyung wasn't joking when he said his marriage is fucking him up.”

“I fucking know,” you groan in agreement “He either really wants to bone his wife or he wants to kill her in her sleep,” you scoff “Either way I’m the one being mind fucked here.”

“Well …” Taehyung presses his back on the high chair as he calmly suggests “If he wants it so bad, just write one.”

You knock the glass on the table “As If I haven’t considered that Genius.” you snarl

“Well, I mean you’re a fucking writer. You’ve written more ridiculous things than a tragic death or two people banging. Can’t you just push one in?”

“The main character has already had a near-death experience she lived through, its gonna look super cringy if I push another tearjerker”

“Then make them fuck,” Taehyung shrugs “Can’t be that hard if your character is a modern-day thot.”

You gulp biting the corner of your lips at his statement “I don’t write erotica, Tae” you say through gritted teeth

“You’re making a big deal out of this. just think of the last time you got laid and put it into words-” he pauses midway through his sentence as the corner of his lips curves into a smirk “Ah Right!” he nods “I forgot it’s been too long since you put your genitals near any other human being.”

“Shut up!” you growl back at him like an angry wolf being nudged at the sensitive spot.

“This is why I tell you, you need to come out of your room instead of writing fanfictions all night long and just get fucking laid.” He nags like the mother in law you don’t have but have described multiple times in your pieces.

“I write for a living Mr Get fucking laid,” you reply with a sarcastic tone “I don’t live to fuck any living, breathing creature I can find like you.”

“Boring,” he snorts looking away as he eyes the group of  hot girls in the not very far table that give him a look and all laugh together when he winks at them “We are mammals, we were designed to fuck and enjoy it.”

“The sole purpose is to reproduce and continue the human species. Which I think is the only last thing on your list when you bone a girl.” You mention turning on your seat to face him

"Well …” he nods in agreement “That’ll happen sometimes later, We’re still young, we can just fuck for the sake of pleasure and curve the system”

You sigh, realizing the argument you started with your best friend was as useless as the alcohol you tried to flood your system with. “Alright Casanova, why don’t you go and put your dick somewhere to curve the system and leave me alone?”

Taehyung’s eyes are fixed at the group of girls, his eyes squinting as if he is onto something. Considering how much of a fuckboy he is, you assume he is trying to imagine which position he can try with the poor girl who will be the prey of his one-night stand.

“Hey Nerdy,” his eyes glances back at you “I have an idea”

“Oh really?” you laugh asking in a mocking tone “So when did you develop the ability to think? That's quite a new one.”

“One day I’ll put your smart little mouth to some good use,” He uses the husky self-proclaimed “dom voice” he uses to seduce girls as he furrows his eyebrows.

“It’s a pass from me, I’m sure there are many others opting for that position,” you reply unfazed “Not sure if they’re as smart but you should settle you know!”

“Listen to me,” he ignores your statement completely, not very unexpectedly since the guy has a great selective listening for only hearing  things that boost his ego “I have a bomb idea for your fanfictions.”

“I told you they are NOT fanfictions, Jesus!” you growl, your voice rising as the alcohol starts to get to your head and make you bolder and louder than your usual calm and collected office worker self.

“You write while looking at the images of rapper August Rush or whatever his name is, most of which are half naked selfie mirrors. Even five years old can tell your last novel’s male lead’s character was exactly based on him.” He says with an anger tinted voice as you watch him with tipsy and amazed eyes.

“Since when do you read, Tae? You’re surprising me too much tonight!” You ask batting your eyelids slowly at him “also it's August D you idiot, not August Rush.”

“Anyways …” He clears his throat as his face hardens “Since you don’t have intentions to get that pussy working in any other way than your vibrator, I have a better idea”

You bring your not very hopeful eyes to him, slight anticipation blooming in your heart “What?”

“Second-hand experience …” he suggests crossing his arms across his chest as if he is one great intellectual “You can watch me fuck and write it.”

You stare at him for a few seconds before bursting out and laughing, your eyes travelling to his messy silver hair as you ruffle the strands playfully “you need to change your dealer Tae, the new pills are messing with your head.”

“you already know I don’t do drugs anymore,” he hisses through gritted teeth “I’m not joking, since Jung wants erotica so bad, just write one for him.” He smirks, confidence radiating off his body and his cocky tone “I’m sure people would bust a nut over my sex scenes”

“You’ve lost your mind,” you shake your head as you turn around and reach for the bottle of whiskey in front of you “It must be pussy deprivation, please go and get laid. you're scaring me with your nonsense”

“No, No listen to me Y/N …” Taehyung grabs your shoulder and turns you to face him “You’re good at writing what you see, you remember that time you wrote that whole scene based off our summer camp in high school.”

“Tae, can you hear yourself?” You said in disbelief “You want me to watch you while you bone a random girl just so I can write a sex scene for my draft?”

“Exactly” He nods in an excited tone, “I think It’ll turn out a bomb ass sex scene.”

“You know what, I wanted to believe you’re still sober but this is dragging it. I’m leaving.” you stand up grabbing the black file in front of you as you pull your backpack on your shoulder only to be stopped by Taehyung’s firm hold around your wrist.

“If you think about …” He starts with a deep voice, deeper than usual as he mutters “Jung is looking for an excuse to push you to redundancy, I heard from Seokjin Hyung his company isn’t doing so well.”

You pause, biting your lips in rage as you knew deep inside what Taehyung was saying is not totally wrong. The company wasn’t doing so well for the past year, having published many unsuccessful books.

On top of that, his wife was on bad terms with him after he caused a scandal with one of the female interns. So he was finding excuses to redundant any female employees he could to kill two birds with one stone and redeem himself.

“I know …” you sigh looking back at the guy and slapping his hand away “But it still doesn’t make sense to intrude someone’s intimate moment just for the sake of my job.” you sigh ruffling your hair in frustration.

“I mean …” Taehyung pulls you to stand In front of him as he looks up at you “first of all that person is me,” he then smirks naughtily as he continues “And those intimate moments you’re talking about, we usually share them with a couple of other people down my balcony.”

“You disgusting bastard,” you wince, face scrunching with disgust at the guy’s explanation as you protest “I … I still can’t …”

“why?” He smirks as he stands up and leans closer “Are you scared you might wanna join?” he smirks as he messes your bangs "We can always negotiate a threesome if you want."

“Yeah sure, as if I haven’t seen you pee your pants before,” you roll your eyes “You’re the only human with a dick I wouldn’t wanna put my genital anywhere near.”

“That was in middle school okay?” he hisses, his face contouring in anger as he reminisces the memory that flashes through both of your minds “Also Don’t worry, you won’t be able to handle me anyways.”

He then releases your hand, quickly running his eyes around for a good target for the night as he mutters “come to my apartment, I’ll come home with the lady of the night,” he says as he manages to annoy you one last time by digging his hand in your hair and completely messing it before drifting away from you.

You sigh as you watch the guy walks through the masses of people before standing behind a girl who’s wearing a short dress, barely covering her nonexistent panties. He wraps his arms around the girl’s lower waist, dangerously close to her ass while whispering his dirty seductive words in her ear.

You turn around and wave for Jimin who flashes a warm smile and mouths “Take care,” with his usual bright energy as you make your way to the exit. The club is a frequent place for people like your age to get wasted at nights so you don’t have trouble catching an Uber to make your way home.

You fish for your earphones and place it in your ears, playing your favourite sad song, staring out the window as if you’re the main character of your favourite novel, weeping over a lost love.

You smile bitterly as you realize how lame your life is, everyone else around you either getting laid or getting their heart broken but you’re here, at the back seat of an Uber tearing up over the company that doesn’t appreciate your pieces because they’re not as “Edgy” as they want.

You flinch as the phone vibrates in your hand and you roll your eyes at the name on the screen “Yes?” you reply, tone dangerously low and raging

“Ooh cold …” the guy across the phone winces at your formality “The meeting must have had a toll on you.”

“Piss off, I’m too tired to deal with you Jeon,” you snap back, knowing the guy over the phone already knows the reason behind your rage “I’m hanging up!” you warn him but he’s quicker than you

“Hold up Hold up,” he replies and you can clearly hear his smirk through the phone “Don’t be a bitch Y/N.” He hesitates, the sound of lips smacking on his skin with the nasal moan of a girl you could clearly imagine based on his ideal type echoing in the device “Do you want a hand?”

“I think you need a hand, Jeon!” you scoff “I’m hanging up before your girl cums on her own.”

“No need to be jealous,” he laughs darkly as he shifts over the phone the sound of the girl’s lips rising even more and you bite your lips “You could be in her place if you want, you just have to ask nicely!” he suggests and you immediately scoff

“Thank you for the offer Jeon but I have a draft I need to submit tomorrow morning,” you reply through gritted teeth “9:00 am SHARP” you mimic the way Jung threatened you about your deadline earlier that day.

“You think you can pull it off on your own?” he asks and you can feel the teasing in his voice

“Isn’t it better for you if I don’t?” You ask with a sarcastic tone “You get off  seeing me fail don’t you?”  

“Mhm that’s your issue Y/N, you never believe me but …” he mutters in a lower voice “I’ll rather cum in your mouth ”

“You will,“ You bite your tongue “Probably in your next porn script, make it good, I’ll watch in my free time.” You say in a mocking tone

“Brats like you need to be taught a lesson instead of sitting behind a desk and write all day,” he says through gritted teeth and you smile at the taste of victory “call me if you change your mind, I have a good “edgy” scene sitting on my drafts, just like the ones Jung loves. I can prepare for tomorrow at 9 am SHARP!”

“Send it to him instead,” you reply sharply “It seems like his wife sucks just like your girlfriends!” you don’t hesitate to receive his response as you press the button on the cord extension of your earphone and press your head on the cold window.

Your eyes then perks open as you lean closer to the driver “Sorry, Can you take the next exit to left, I have to go somewhere else?”

The middle-aged man nods without any words and takes the next exit to your destination. You’re still contemplating your decision when the car pulls over in front of the apartment complex you frequently visit, you quickly press a few buttons and pay the driver with your phone, thanking him for putting up with your sudden change of mind.

You step out of the car and enter the complex , the old man who you barely know his name smiles at you and calls for you “Oh, you’re here again”   You nod flashing a smile to him as you walk to where he’s sitting to show him your ID when he quickly says “You can go up, I know you’re with Young master.”

You mutter a quick thanks as you make your way to the elevator that leads you up to the penthouse at the very top of the building where Kim Taehyung lives.

He is the youngest son of the very well known Kim Group. You truly never knew what exactly his family were up to, but you knew that they “live comfortably” as Taehyung would love to describe.

But one thing you knew for sure, was that his definition of comfortable was owning an apartment complex in the heart of the city while yours was maintaining grocery budget to the end of the week after paying the bills.

He was a rebel, very much different from his older brother Seokjin who was also the heir of their family business. Since he barely had any hands in the family business, he used his privilege as a rich kid to party and hook up with girls, his ridiculously attractive face and body helping him in the whole process.

He bought the club a year ago, realizing his passion for partying might also be a venture to explore his business side. Which thanks to his prolonged history in being one of the “Gangnam Rich Kids” immediately received attention and customers from all over Seoul.

Your friendship with him, amazes you till this day, considering you were just a scholarship transfer to the private middle school he attended. You started off hating him since from the beginning he was the typical snobby, cocky rich boy who just wanted to dominate everyone around him including you. so you promised yourself to steer clear of him.

But your new school year resolution didn’t last long when the guy offered you to do his homework for a “couple of bucks” a week as he said. The money that was equal the total allowance you received from your parents for the whole year.

Your nerd ass decided God doesn’t knock the door with a stupid rich guy who can’t even do his homework, more than once. So you took the offer and became his personal homework slave for the rest of your school years.

Well, not much has changed since those years, Taehyung still trying to dominate, girls mostly these days considering he grew up to have a ridiculous amount of stamina.

And you … you hate to admit it but you’re still a slave for money, writing for Jung’s publishing company to pay your bills at the expense of your creativity. Because as Jung loves to remind you “Rainbow and unicorn” you love to write about doesn’t sell well.

Well except for one thing. you somehow managed to developed a surprisingly close friendship with Taehyung from school years into adulthood which made your decision to watch him while he hooks up with a  girl sound even more absurd in your mind.

You sigh, stepping out of the lift as you make your way towards the door of his apartment, already imagining that cocky smirk on his face once he sees you.

Especially considering you already texted him right after you exited the club telling him you won’t be showing up at his place, not realizing a phone call from Jeon Fucking Jungkook would be enough to make you angry enough to change your mind.

You furrow your eyebrows as the door opens quickly after you press the bell button and a freshly showered girl, with the water glazing her skin and the bathrobe covering her body greets you.

“Hi hon, Come in!” she says with a smile as she opens the door and moves away so you can enter the apartment “We were waiting for you”

You stare at her with lost eyes when Taehyung’s voice echoes in the hallway.

“Y/N,” you turn around and your face heats up at the sight of Taehyung’s  half-naked body, with the towel loosely hanging his lower body which had a fall hazard any second coming to your sight “I told you it’ll be a good idea, Come In,” he says pointing at his room before bringing his teasing gaze to the girl and she giggles in return.

The girl pats your shoulder and moves in excitement ahead of you, as your heavy footsteps take you to the last room in the hallways. You enter Taehyung’s master bedroom, quickly searching for his study desk which he probably does anything  but studying on it, placing your backpack on the wooden surface

“A-Are you guys sure about this?” You ask, hesitation resonating in your tone, your eyes travelling between Taehyung who’s drinking from his can of beer and the girl who’s spraying herself with some expensive body mist.

“Yeah Hon,” The girl smiles as she drops herself on the abnormally huge king sized bed, batting her eyelids at you “So you’re gonna write your story based on us?”

“Yeah, I guess!” you reply with an awkward tone, the whole situation suddenly feeling too surreal. In a moment both of the people in the room will be naked, doing God knows what and you’ll have to watch.

“That’s so cool,” the girl says clapping her hands in excitement “Hon, Make me look pretty in your story okay?”

You stare at the girl, nodding your head in disbelief that the only concern the girl has about you watching him get dicked down is looking pretty. People are indeed strange, you wonder as you sit down on Taehyung’s comfortable wheely chair and open your tablet to set your tools up.

“Just so you know, you can both stop and tell me to leave the room at any point!” you firmly point out, eyeing both of them as if you were a referee explaining the rules of the game.

“I’m sure you’ll leave this room earlier than us, Hon.” the girl chirps in a jolly tone, laughing with Taehyung and you can’t help but grit your teeth at how much of a joke this situation is to both of them.

“I told you it won’t be a problem,” He says winking teasingly at you. He then walks to you placing his can of beer just beside your tablet “your muse is a bit of exhibitionist” he smirks as he turns around and attacks the girl on the bed like a hungry beast, devouring her mouth in a swift motion.

You’re still trying to set your instant sync function working on your word document, when the sound of their lips smacking together echoes in the silent room and your stomach drops as you peek at them through the corner of your eyes before immediately looking back at the screen in front of you.

Ironically the sound of their intense makeout session reminds you of the phone call you had earlier with Jungkook and you grit your teeth with determination, reminding yourself that the only reason you’re here is to not give Jeon Jungkook the satisfaction of your failure.

Your eyes slowly glaze on the pair in front of you, perfectly angled so that you get a pretty decent view of both of them, Taehyung covering the girl’s body with his huge built. Since they really don’t care, you might as well get the most of this experience and write a good erotic piece.

You place the tablet on your thighs, facing them with the turn of the chair, your fingers quickly dancing on the keyboard to describe the way your best friend digs his tongue in his one-night stand’s throat.

Do people actually like this? You wonder as you keep searching your brain for appropriate words other than the ones already popping up in your conscious while the other part of your brain scolds you to not judge your reader’s preferences.  

You try to find enough decent words to describe the girl’s lips being bruised by Taehyung’s. Since she is sharing her most intimate moments with you, you might as well play along to her request and make this sound as pleasing as possible on her side.

They part their lips with a gasp from each other, you almost shout at the top of your lungs like a movie director to get back to work but then you remind yourself, you’re watching two people actually doing this for pleasure and they also need to breathe.

You quickly finish the description on each of their faces since their panting moments was probably the last few seconds it would look normal for the rest of the night as you hear their little conversation in the background.

“So,“ the sound of the girl’s lips rising even more and you bite your lips “safe word?” Taehyung asks in a deep voice, the girl giggling and squirming under him.

“Is it really necessary, Taehyung?” you flinch at how needy the girl’s voice sounds just after a quick make out, wondering what exactly is about your best friend that has girls losing their shit over him.

“Trust me, Once we get too deep in this, you might need it” he groans leaning closer and nibbling her ear and she moans

“Carousel,” she replies with a giggle and you furrow your eyebrows at her strange choice of safe word but again you gotta push through the night, reminding that the only person deserving to be judged is you for sitting in the middle of two adults having sex and try to use them for your creative purposes.

Taehyung pulls away and kneels on the bed, your eyes quickly travel to him to see what he’s up to. He grabs the hem of his towel,  tearing it apart and immediately a small gasp find its way out of your lips at what his action uncovers, his dark orbs travelling to yours.

You assume the girl is as surprised as you about what’s standing proudly between Taehyung’s thighs because what echoes in the room while you gulp catching Taehyung’s eyes on yourself, is her breathy gasp.

“Mhmm …” he hums to the girl but his eyes are still on your dilated pupils “You like what you see?”

You get a grip on yourself quickly bringing your eyes to the screen, your fingers which stopped drumming on the keyboard quickly getting back to pace around as you hear a small groan from the guy.

You bring your trembling gaze back to the scene and realize his groan is only because his ginormous dick is being pampered by the girl with slow strokes and small kitten licks along the shaft.

"Foreplay", you quickly think before pressing enter and quickly typing the girl’s skilled actions, his dick now growing into more of a hard-on and starting to lay flat against the girl’s welcoming lips.

She parts her lips and devours him into her lips in a quick motion and you wet your lips as your eyes travel between her little show and Taehyung’s head which falls back with a loud husky moan falling off his lips.

“Fuck …” he groans as his hand quickly reaches for the strands of blonde hair, holding firmly onto her head as he thrust his hip forward “That feels good.” he compliments with a groan of pleasure and the girl starts to bob her head.

You quickly write his words just like the way they leave his lips, wishing you could record his voice and use them later, OF COURSE FOR WRITING PURPOSES, you remind yourself while the muscles of your inner thigh clench painfully closer together reminding you that you also are a human with needs.

Maybe this is why people loved sex scenes in a book, sex in writing although was portrayed through the dry black and white fonts plastered on a piece of paper, it gave them enough freedom to manipulate and grow it in their own horizons of imagination when they were in need, just like you were now.

You lick your lips in anticipation as you try to describe the way your friend fucks the girl’s mouth in the most pleasing way, tinted by slight hazy bits and bobs so you give your readers the perfect amount of imagination to grow.

Your breath cages in your lung when Taehyung snaps his hip forward against the girl’s lips, keeping it firmly against her throat as the slight sound of her gagging echoes in the room and your heart beats in concern. You quickly look for the girl’s expression in worry before her eyes curves into a tiny smile as they sew themselves to Taehyung

"You like that slut?” He asks biting his lips as a smirk plasters on his face watching her faint smile “You like it when I gag you on my big fat cock huh?” He pulls away, moving the girl’s head away from his hip just reaching his tip before snapping his dick back into her mouth, this time tears  with a mixture of the girl’s mascara running down her cheek

“You messy little slut, you like it when Daddy fucks your throat huh?”

You quickly try to write the words down on the screen before bringing your gaze back to the girl, for some reason expecting her to look unhappy with her gag reflex constantly being stimulated

But instead the scene you witness has another muffled gasp leaving your lips, the girl nodding persistently as one of her hands are dipped between her legs indicating she’s touching herself.

“You dirty little slut,” Taehyung groans as he keeps her there for a few more seconds, watching her touch herself “You wanna cum while sucking Daddy’s cock?”

The girl nods again, more tears leaving her eyes as she continues to move her fingers on her clit In speedy circular motions.

“I wanna see you try dirty slut,” Taehyung smirks and your breath hitches as his eyes momentarily glances over you as he mutters “Try and cum slut … cum while Daddy fucks your nice tight throat, ruining your mouth and your makeup.”

Your breath hitches in your throat as he orders the filthy words, looking directly into your eyes. Your brain screams at you to write his dirty talk down, since you would never, in thousand years come up with such filthy words on your own.

But your widened eyes are fixed on his until he spares you and looks down at the girl as he starts fucking the girl’s throat, who’s rubbing her clit in an insane speed searching for her release.

But her hopes shatter, as much as yours when Taehyung’s hip stutters and he bursts with a couple more thrusts, his head falling back and his loud moans echoing in the room as he cums in the girl’s mouth.

The girl swallows every drop attentively like she’s been dehydrated in Sahara desert for a few days and the only way for her to survive is to swallow Taehyung’s cum.

You make a mental note, not to describe the scene in the way you just thought of as probably not many people will find your strange example sexy and arousing but rather hilarious. Taehyung’s head snaps back up and the first thing he does has you struggle with your breathing pattern again.

He glances over at you again, biting his lips with his orgasmic and fucked out face as you rub your thighs together unconsciously. You avoid eye contact, quickly bringing your attention back to the screen to make sure you haven’t actually written how suddenly thirsty you are for your best friend by accident.

“Naughty little slut,” You hear his dark voice but continue to finish your sentence when the sound of his hand coming into a slap on the girl’s body has you jolting up on your seat and your attention is quickly back on him “No touching now.”

You watch as he grabs the girl by her hair, pulling her up on her knees to face him, the girl’s lips parting to pant for air as the droplets of cum are dripping on the corner of her lips.

“Daddy, Please …” she begs to stare at him with seductive eyes but Taehyung is not having any of it.

“I said you can only cum before I cum,” He says as he grabs both her wrist and pins them in one of his own big hands above her head before bringing his other palm into another sharp smack against her ass cheek “You know dirty girls get punished. You wanna be punished, little whore?”

“Yes,” the girl nods “Punish me, Daddy,” she licks her lips in anticipation “Punish me like the little slut I am.”

You furrow your eyebrows at girl’s request , quickly typing the words leaving her lips with the description of how fucked out and needy she looks like with her hand above her head, her towel lying on the bed away from where It should be on her body with some juicy description about the red marks of Taehyung’s hand on her bottom.

“Yeah?” his eyes perks at the girl’s words “You want Daddy to teach you a lesson?”

“Yessss -Aaahhh …” she gasps as another smack comes into contact with the flesh of her ass and you have to bite your lips harshly to stop the breathy sound leaving your lips.

He is ruthless with his “punishment”, you start to judge his scene as your eyes dance on the harsh red flesh of the girl’s bottom. But she looks somehow content and aroused as if she wants even more of the harsh treatment more.

“Is this why you’ve been a bad girl?” Taehyung asks in a husky tone and the girl moans in response nodding her head

“Yes, Daddy … I’ve been bad … I’ve been really really bad …” she purrs in response, igniting a fire in Taehyung’s eyes as his hand comes into another whiplash against her bottom.

You flinch as a drop of arousal slowly trickles between your legs, your fingers immediately stopping their actions on the keyboard as you watch Taehyung “punish” the girl as she asks for, while the girl’s loud, wanton moans ring in your ear.

You were never the type to be aroused to such type of scenes, your taste rather being “vanilla” as Taehyung would love to usually tease you about. You weren’t particularly pressed about your taste, preferring your sex rather sensual and romantic than wild and kinky. Even the porn you’re watched reflected your taste, with your most recent search including things like “romantic couple” and “porn with a romantic plot”.

You believed your life had too much of angst in the office you had to spend your day at, typing words after words describing a fantasy that had people clench their fists in anger or blink their tears away while reading that you preferred to keep it all chill and relaxing back at home.  

But yet again, you’re here, watching your best friend executing his kinky actions on his one night stand and you can’t totally deny that your body is somehow enjoying the scene.

shifting up on the seat, you press your thighs together, the ticklish arousal between your legs distracting you too much from your writing but you immediately regret your decision when Taehyung brings his lust hooded eyes to you as the chair under your screeches due to your weight shift.

You gulp like a kid being caught shattering the fish tank in the living room, the unreadable expression on Taehyung’s face not helping your nerves either.

You’re still contemplating if your best friend can sense the damp spot on your panties that you are desperately trying to ignore when his next action has you drip even more from your core. He keeps his eyes fixed on you while he strokes the red flesh of the girl’s ass cheek, reaching for her clit with the other hand and pinching her bundle of nerves.

“Aaaahhh …” she whines, shuddering at the harsh touch

“You’re so fucking dripping for Daddy” he gasps as he touches her arousal and makes a mess of her cleanly shaved pussy with the juices he acquires from her “All wet and ready for Daddy’s cock huh?”

You stare into his eyes, your eyes glancing back and forth between his face and his hand on the girl’s private part, blush to creep into your cheeks as the juices smearing all around her inner thigh somehow resembles the mess between your own legs. You let out a gasp of relief as Taehyung finally tears his gaze from you and looks back at the girl

“I’m sure if you sit  on Daddy’s cock, you’d just slide right down” he suggests as he fastens his finger on the girl’s core

“Yessss Daddy … I’d take you well … I’d take all of your cock…” she promises with a needy tone and Taehyung nods before shifting back from her, the girl whining as his hand leaves her core.

You quickly finish the girl’s part, your goal at this point being to just write down their dirty conversations and memorise the rest of the session in your mind to elaborate on later. You didn’t wanna admit but your own pussy was already too aroused for you to think straight and write a decent scene with enough details.

Taehyung sits down at the head of his bed, his back resting on the bedpost while his long muscular legs part to unravel his proudly standing cock even more. He strokes his shaft which you can swear has grown larger since he first took the towel off while looking at the girl standing right in your line of sight.

“Come ride Daddy then” he orders staring at the girl with unimpressed eyes

The girl moans in excitement quickly shifting closer to his lap, straddling his big thick thighs while holding onto his shoulder. You bit your lips realizing the girl’s back is now facing you and a sigh of disappointment leaves your lips knowing you would have to improvise the girl side of the scene on your own.

You secretly hate Taehyung for choosing that position instead of choosing a more conventional one like missionary or doggy so that you get a better view of both of them. But then again you realize you’re writing a sex scene, which you’ve never done and could have never pulled off without his help so you better stop being an ungrateful bitch and take advantage of the situation.

You glance up from the screen as you hear a wanton sound leaving the girl’s lips, watching in anticipation of the event as she slides down on Taehyung’s cock painfully slow. You take a moment and just blink your eyes at how his thick girth parts her pussy lips apart, admiring her for her flexibility down in her kitty.

Before you know, you find your mind drifting as you imagine how would it be if that was your pussy and imagine your tight walls that haven’t experienced much would probably rip apart with the first few inches at the tip, considering he’s the thickest up there.

You quickly shake the thought off and your fingers fasten their pace on the keyboard as if the keys under your fingertip are being punished for your dirty mind.

“Fuck” you hear the girl sighs in a weak tone and you look up “Daddy … It’s so big …” you gulp and silently agree with the girl as you quickly write what she says along with a couple of sentences explaining the reason behind her statement being your best friend’s abnormally huge dick.

You furrow your eyebrows when you patiently wait for Taehyung’s response but nothing comes out and you find yourself looking up at him with almost annoyed eyes. Your eyes tremble as you see his eyes fixed on you, a cocky smirk plastered on the corner of his lips as you raise an eyebrow as if you wanna convey to him your frustration over his silence.

“Mhmm …” he hums , his gaze still fixed on you “I thought you said you can take me” he growls with an arrogant tone “Come on” the girl shrieks as a sharp slap comes in contact with her ass “Take it like the good slut you are” he says all the dirty words looking past the girl’s body which was directly in your line of sight, into your eyes.

“Fuck Daddy …” the girl digs her nails on his shoulder as she pushes herself lower “AAAHH … I can’t”

“You can’t,  can you?” He asks with a teasing tone as he grabs her ass and holds her right there, filled to the brim as the girl whines  "Its okay, you’re not the first one that failed to take me.“

You roll your eyes at Taehyung’s proud statement, hating that the girl’s inability to take him to boost his ego immediately. This is why he is the cocky bastard he is, you think as your quickly type his remark at how proud he is about his size.

"Cheeky whore” he slaps her ass again receiving a soft whimper from the girl “Thinking you can take Daddy just because you fucked some dick” he scolds and you tilt your head in confusion as you hear his tone changing to more of a dark and angry one “Move” he orders as his fingers dig into her ass flesh and moves her on his dick “Ride Daddy like a good girl”

The girl quickly complies and the room soon fills with the sound of her loud cries of pleasure, the sound of skin slapping with the mixture of the girl’s wanton cries being your background music as you continue to describe the intercourse with your limited knowledge of what you’re watching.

“Aaahh … Daddy … your cock feels so good …” The girl whines fastening her pace, riding Taehyun’s cock as if she’s riding some kind of racehorse “I wanna cum all over your cock, Daddy, I wanna cum …”

“Yeah? You wanna cum little slut?” He asks as his hands reach for her throat and grasp her windpipe tightly “Then beg like the little whore you are, beg for Daddy”

“Please … ” the girl pants as little air reaches her lungs but her moans only intensify in sound “Please let me cum Daddy”

“You think you deserve it? You think you deserve to cum on Daddy’s cock?” Taehyung asks as you watch his other arm moving down between the girl’s leg which is not totally clear to your eyes. The girl’s head falls back and you realize where his hands are working, her sensitive clit, you assume, pushing the girl closer to the edge.

“Yessss … Yes, Daddy … let me cum … I wanna cum while you fill me up” the girl voices out the words in a rushed tone, tears  tinted by her mascara  flowing down her eyes again

“You want Daddy’s cum in your tight  cunt huh?” Taehyung smirks, his eyes suddenly dancing on you while he says “You want Daddy to fill your messy cunt with his cum huh??”

You gulp, feeling your own walls clench around nothing, your carnal desires and possibly your deprived vagina screaming at you for the same attention the girl is receiving between her legs like a jealous ex-girlfriend. You dig your teeth into your bottom lips, tasting the blood having you hope that the pain might help distract you from your whiny pussy down there.

“Yes Daddy …” the girl finally musters up a sound “Fill me up with your cum”

Taehyung thrusts his hip up, helping the girl to reach attain her wish as he’s nearing his own release while his hand continuously works on her clit. Your finger has completely stopped working, the only thing you can do is watch the mess between their legs as they both work towards their big moment.

“Fuck …” Taehyung’s lustful groan echoes in your ear and you look up “I’m gonna cum …” he says his eyes glancing over your before closing for a few seconds as he stills the girl’s hip and ruts himself into her ruined cunt.

He grits his teeth, his eyes still fixed on you when he suddenly frowns and a deep groan leaves his lips as his head falls back but his hip still works hard deep inside the girl’s walls.

“Aaaahh … Daddy …” The girl shudders, her body shaking violently on him and you can safely assume she’s experiencing some great moments of pleasure by the way her mounds bounce in the air with every shake of her body.

Taehyung’s hip stutters and you know he’s reached his climax when the transparent droplets of his cum come rushing down where his cock is thrusting deep inside the girl’s pussy.

Their sloppy moans and groans are your last few sentences, describing the magical moment of sparkling stars and breathtaking orgasm your readers probably love to read.

You’re slightly bummed out you have to sit there watching your best friend have a blast while you just get to watch and write it in the best possible way for other people, your poor muscles clenching around nothing but air. Become an author they said, its very fun they said.

“Ughh …” Taehyung’s deep groan has you looking up at the guy who’s now coming down from his high, blinking your eyes nervously as you make eye contact with each other and his eyebrows furrow closer into a deep frown.

You quickly press the save button on the top of the screen, knowing better not to trust the sync function as you quickly stand up and grab your bag “I’m gonna leave you guys alone now” you quickly whisper , trying your best not to ruin the intimate moment they probably would have preferred you not to disturb “Thanks Guys , I’ll buy you dinner some time” you quickly suggest as you make your way to the door and rush out of his apartment.

You sigh in relief as your Uber finally arrives in front of the apartment complex and you settle in the car. It’s only then that you realise so much tension and stress in leaving Taehyung’s apartment had you forget the wet spot in your panties that are sticking right to your slit.

You sigh as you make a promise to your neglected kitty that you’ll treat her to a nice, exciting high induced by the new rabbit vibrator you ordered last week from Amazon on sale once it arrives.

You open your tablet and glance over the quick messy document you wrote in an hour, already starting to see how you can elaborate or change details so its appealing enough to Jung’s taste.

-

You nervously click your heels on the floor as you pull your phone out of your pocket, glancing over the secretary who is doing her paperwork before pressing your iMessage app and press on the first name.

You furrow your eyebrows noticing the seen icon with time indicating two hours earlier flashing underneath the message you sent to Taehyung earlier in the morning.

After working on the draft you pulled off at Tae’s house, you ended up spending the rest of the night polishing and using your short term memory to recall the parts you missed as it was happening.

Once you were happy with the draft it was already 5 in the morning, meaning you could have exactly two hours of sleep before getting to the meeting you had with Jung. Which also meant you would have to use makeup and heaps of concealer to give the world the illusion you have had a good night sleep.

“Y/N … You can go in” the secretary who knew you very well notifies you and you quickly push your phone back into your pocket and enter Jung’s room.

He is sitting behind his desk as always, glancing over his iMac screen with his attentive eyes. You can’t lie, you sometimes find yourself intimidated by his gaze since his job is being a critic, imagining he judges everything about you even and it’s not just your writing.

“Sit down,” he says and you take a seat on the couch across his desk, glancing nervously at the glass plate reading “CEO Jung Hoseok” which runs a shiver down your spine.

You are nervous, considering the meeting you are in, could determine if you should go home and buy the new Gucci handbag you wanted to buy for a month or you should start looking for a new job; Your desperate wish being that the first possibility is the one winning.

You gulp as he finally departs his gaze from the screen and he walks around his desk to the single sofa set at the tail of the two couches

“Sorry I had you waiting, I was still looking at the draft you sent me this morning”

You nod flashing a fake smile “That’s alright Sir” you reply softly, hoping your manners would be any help on his decision

“You know why I like you Y/N?” He asks and it takes you a few seconds to really digest his words. Jung? Likes me? The fuck is he on about!

“I’m not sure Sir” you reply deciding the stupid silence is not gonna help you get anywhere.

“Its because I can see the determination in you …” he says as his eyes settle at your lost expression “I’ve seen many writers come and go in my company, but none of them has what you have. You know why you write, and you’re not afraid to push your limits.”

You stare at the guy with confused eyes, in all of the worst-case scenarios you tried to come up in your creative mind, none ended up as you being praised by Jung Hoseok, the single most difficult writing critic of this company who almost never had anything good to say.

Oh, the realization hit you, your face falls as you realize what the guy is doing. He wants to parts ways in good terms so he’s trying to fool you with nice words.

“Thanks, Sir … but you don’t really have to do this. I already cleaned up my desk, I can hand in my resignation by tomorrow” you say, your voice trembling despite having rehearsed the words a couple of hundred times already

“Wait what …” Jung looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, his expression hardening “Where are you going? Did you get any offers?” He raises an eyebrow suspiciously

“Well no … but I’ll be onto it as soon as you issue my resignation … “ you sigh finding the guy caring for you slightly hypocritical since he was practically firing you “Anyways, it’s not something that concerns you …”

“Y/N” he calls with his stern tone “What the fuck are you talking about?” He raises his voice, using the f word he almost never uses even in his most furious moments “You still have a contract with us and I’m not accepting any resignation until I know the reason”

“Sir …” you sigh as your blood boils at his statement “I know you wanna redundant me, So I’ll just play along and hand in my resignation. I think I at least deserve the redundancy claim, don’t I? How am I supposed to survive until I find another job …” you pant as the lump in your throat doesn’t allow you to finish your sentence without your voice trembling

“Wait a second …” he shakes his head in confusion “Who said I’m gonna redundant you?”

You stare at him with dazed eyes, tears pooling in your eyes as you whisper “You’re not?”

“God …” he whispers as he watches the tears run down your cheek and quickly reaches for the tissues on the coffee table In front of you “I mean I knew you have a creative mind but Christ, your imagination went wild didn’t it?”

You grab a couple of tissues in a rushed manner and wipe your tears as you hear him explain

“I was about to tell you, send the draft to the editing team and get it edited before we send it to the printing department.”

You bring your teary eyes to him, the lack of sleep and the tears not allowing you to see him clearly ”W-What …”

“What I told you yesterday was a way for me to test you “ He explains as he quickly stands up and walks to the mini fridge across his office to grab a bottle of water “I want you to step out of your usual writing style and experiment a bit. Your pieces are already doing fine but since you’ve come so far, why not try the mainstream writing a bit!”

He opens the bottle and places it in front of you “When I read your draft this morning I felt happy about my job after so many years. This is why I do what I do, I need to critique your work so you can push further out of your comfort zone and try new things” he hesitates as you grab the water and gulp it down to calm your nerves as he continues “And as far as I’m concerned you did beyond my expectation”

You choke on the water in your throat at his words before looking at him in disbelief “Sir …”

“Yes?” He replies firmly

“Is this a dream?” You ask with a disappointed tone and he smiles shaking his head watching your burst into tears again

“ go home and sleep for a bit first, you look awful.” he says and you wince at his unkind words “Then send your draft and prepare for a meeting with the printing team”

You nod your head, still In daze as the guy explains what you need to do next before patting your shoulder

“Now quickly leave my office before someone comes in and thinks I made you cry. I have enough rumours roaming around. ” He laughs standing up and walking back to his desk

You quickly mimic what he did and jump to your feet bowing deeply for him “Thank you, sir, I’ll work harder.” you say in a determined tone

“Alright, Go get some rest.” he nods and you quickly turn on your heels and march your way out of his office.

Your heart is beating fast as the whole news is suddenly settling in your body. You’ve finally received the green light on publishing the book you worked on over the past 6 months and not only that, you were finally acknowledged by the grumpy and harsh critic, Jung Hoseok.

You quickly reach for your phone in your pocket, your eyes scanning over the screen you forgot to press out of, the seen icon under your message still flashing to your eyes like it was before the meeting with Jung.

But you’re too excited to care as you quickly press on Tae’s name and press the green button and press the device on your ear. You sigh as he doesn’t answer you, expecting it as Taehyung almost never replies your calls on time, either he is too drunk, too sleepy or too busy hooking up to do so.

“Y/N …”  You turn around and see Jungkook walk towards you with his smug smirk plastered on his devilishly handsome face as soon as you get off the lift on the first floor “heard the news … must be a party In your pants huh?”

He stops right in front of you and you swear you would have punched that smirk off his face if you were gonna resign from this company anytime soon. But for now, you’re too happy and content with your job to let him win over your nerves

“Well, it can’t be that its always in yours can it? That’d be too ...” you scoff as you smile victoriously “sexist!” Jungkook’s dark eyes settle on you in amusement, his silence creeping a tension between the two of you that you soon brush off  "Now excuse me, I need to go home and prepare for my meeting with the printing team" you wink at him mischievously before turning on your heels

“That scene, it’s not yours, is it?” Jungkook’s voice reaches your ear and you turn around

“What are you talking about?” you raise an eyebrow

“You’re telling me you pulled off your first sex scene, mind you a good one, in one night while you’re spending all your life in that office doing anything …” he hesitates before a mocking smirks fly through his lips “but get laid”

“Why? Does it hurt your ego?” You ask tilting your head to the side “Don’t worry, this is gonna be my last sex scene for life. The porn scripts are all yours. You know I don’t usually do dirty work.” you say in a sarcastic tone

“That’s not any of my concern …” he says , his expression hardening while his smirk is still persistently adorning his lips “Jung sent the draft to me to have a look before he gives you the green light,” You grit your teeth knowing, in the end, you needed his acknowledgement even when clearly Jung liked you work “what you wrote, mind you if it’s yours,  cannot be from watching porn or a reference text.”

You gulp, nervously reminding yourself that what Jungkook is saying is totally right but he still necessary doesn’t have to know your strange, unconventional ways of writing a crazy sex scene.

“I take it as a compliment Jeon,” you flash a sweet smile “If you wanted some of my reference texts, hit me up. I’m more than happy to share.  We’re colleagues after all.” you bluff, knowing very well you wouldn’t be able to actually share Taehyung’s intimate moment with anyone but you also know that Jungkook is too much of a proud head to actually ask for it

“I’d rather be your reference next time … ” he chirps as his smirk deepens “Specially now that I know I’m exactly the type you like your references to be” he hesitates before your face that turns pink in shade as he looks around to make sure no one is around “Rough and Kinky.” It is his turn now to wink your way before he walks past you to the lift that leads him upstairs.

Your hand falls on your side as you sigh, It wasn’t the first time Jungkook acted this way. You always shrugged it off thinking he just has some kind of insane fantasy of boning someone in the office and probably the nearest target would be you considering you both live half of your life in there, writing your way through the day and night.

But his last couple of words rings in your mind, catching you off guard as you start to wonder if what he said is right. Obviously, the piece you’ve written was not based on your personal experience, But you couldn’t deny the persisting tingle between your legs since the night before. You quickly shake your head, putting it on the sexual frustration you’ve been delaying to address for a month now as you make your way outside the office.

 -

You place your bag on the bar table, the specific high seat you always occupy that catches Jimin’s attention as always. He smiles at you over the till as he politely serves the young girl who’s handing him the dollars for her drinks.

He quickly passes the changes with a customer service smile that makes his eyes almost disappear as he makes his way to you.

“Hey Babe …” he chirps as he grabs a tequila shot adorned by sugar and a piece of lemon as he fills it with an opened bottle he already has idly rested against him “Good to see you finally in good mood.”

“First of all, I had some proper sleep in a while …” you say as you lean in to show him your nonexistent dark circles “I didn’t even use the Tarte concealers after months, can you believe that Park Jimin?”

“You look great babe. Is it your ovulation?” He teases wiggling his eyebrows playfully

“No I’m not ready to get pregnant, ” you roll your eyes before licking your lips in excitement “But I’m ready to publish my next book”

“SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!” he screams at the top of his lungs, a couple of people around throwing their confused and questioning looks at you as you rush him to be quiet

“Hey Hey … We’re in a public place Park Jimin. Keep your loud ass for someone else,” you scold him with a smile that unconsciously finds its ways at your friend’s happiness

“God,” he gasps “You’re finally publishing it Oh My God!” he says in disbelief

“I know … I almost thought It’ll never happen,” you pout with a smile before leaning “You’re the first person that knows!” you say with a jolly tone

“he’s the first person to know what?”

You body tenses at the signature deep voice of your best friend, quickly turning around and watching the guy who’s ignored your message and calls all day.

“If you were interested enough you should have answered my calls,” you snap back at him, feeling annoyed that despite ignoring you the whole day he’s standing there, all cocky and haughty as if he’s done nothing wrong

“I was busy,” He shrugs off walking closer to your seat and sits beside you “so are you gonna tell me or should I ask Jimin?” he points out at the guy who’s smiling and keeping his silence over your quarrel like always

“They decided to publish my book,” You say crossing your arm across your chest and watch his expression soften into a smile

“For real?” He asks leaning closer to you

“Yes and if you answered your calls instead of spending the whole day get laid, You might have been the first one to hear the news.”  you hiss back at him in anger, not knowing why you’re so pressed about the fact that he’s ignored you considering he almost never answers his phone anyways

“That’s … Great, ” he says as his soft smile dances on his lips and you look at him in surprise, not seeing the cocky expression or his usual teasing comebacks when almost immediately his expression turns all around into his fuckboy self “And that’s thanks to who?”

“Well, ” you clear your throat as the memories from the night before rush all your blood to your cheek “I was gonna thank you for your contribution if you weren’t a dick and didn’t miss my calls.”

Taehyung studies you having a hard time making eye contact with him when your voice is called out by a stranger’s voice

“Y/N,” 

your head snaps back at the source of the voice and you internally sigh at the sight of your colleague who forced you into buying him drink because as he said “You owe him” for winning Jung’s heart 

“Seriously, did you have to come all the way here for just drinks?”

“Well, you could have just … not come I guess, Jeon” you roll your eyes at his whining,  missing Taehyung’s careful gaze which examines the guy walking to you

“Who’s this?” He asks, only then you look at your best friend and realize his hardened expression

“Jeon Jungkook, a colleague from work”  you quickly reply him

Jungkook raise his hand into a small wave before bringing his attention back to you "Are we staying here?”

“Of course,” You furrow your eyebrows, before realizing his eyes which stops at Taehyung who’s occupied the only seat beside you “Oh, he’s leaving.” you say patting Taehyung’s shoulder, so he knows to empty the seat for Jungkook.  

But he just sits there, his gaze dancing on the guy who’s standing with his arms across his chest waiting for him “Taehyung” you call and finally he tears his gaze from him and back to you

“What?” He growls in an angry tone

“Get off the seat,” You hiss, urging him to do as you say by pushing against his big arms and he finally picks his weight off and makes the seat empty for Jungkook

“Thanks, I guess.” Jungkook finally occupies the seat before grabbing a menu and looking through the drinks

You glare at Taehyung who’s still standing there, watching Jungkook with furrowed eyebrows, sighing in relief as he finally leaves the two of you alone.

“Boyfriend?” Jungkook asks raising an eyebrow as he points at Taehyung who’s now sitting idly with a couple of his rich friends

“Friend, an old friend who also owns this place.” you shrug it off as you grab the menu of his hand “He doesn’t charge me so we can drink all we want” you bring your gaze up to Jungkook as you hear him snort

“You really brought me all the way here for free drinks?” he says in disbelief

“Why not?” You shrug your shoulders “Who knows if the book does well or not, I need to save up just in case the royalties are not enough for a living.” you say as you wave your hand for Jimin

“Woah …” he shakes his head in disbelief “You’re a different species Y/N” he groans “A very cheap and stingy one.”

“Hey Hey, you asked for a drink, I’m getting you some. Stop being a dick.” you scold him as finally, Jimin makes his way to you

“Mhmm Who’s this new face I see here?” He teases you eyeing Jungkook who drums his finger on the bar table in front of him

“Jeon Jungkook” you quickly reply and Jimin’s lips form an O shape indicating he knows immediately who he is

“So what would you like me to serve you Jeon Jungkook?” Jimin asks with a flirty smile he usually offers the customers he wants to impress

“What about ... ” he hesitates as he scans through the menu “Some Johnnie”

“Oh, Thank Jesus I brought you here. You would have maxed my credit card at this rate.” you whine as you quickly face Jimin “Just the usual Jiminie. ” you sing song with a smile and thank him as he walks away to prepare your drinks

“Why? You were worried I make you pay for my drink?” He smirks as he turned on his seat to face you

“Isn’t that what you were trying to do?” You scoff in response “obviously I was smarter enough to not fall for your trap.”

“Y/N, ” he sighs as he leans closer to you, as you watch him travel the distance between your bodies “I’m gentleman enough to not allow the girl to pay,” he tilts his head to the side as his smirks deepen “Also you’ll fall for my trap someday, dont worry.” he mutters the words with a haughty tone

You gulp at his suggestive words, despite it not being the first time he openly flirts with you, finding it weird with the context of now being in a club rather than the safe four walls of your office.

"Well you don’t need to impress me Mr Gentleman,” you quickly reply shaking off the momentary tension that arises between you and Jungkook quickly pulls away and Jimin places your drinks in front of you

“Keep your money for the next girl you wanna get into her pants,” you say teasingly as you look around and grab your shot of tequila, immediately gulping it down in one go.

The fluid still rushing down your throat when your eyes double take at the scene. There he is, Taehyung sitting back on the soft and comfortable sofa, the girl draping over his body kissing her way up his neck as he drinks from his glass of alcohol you recognise as a glass of Henney.

That’s his favourite drink, you think as the scene along with the alcohol flooding your blood starts to flash back to a not very foreign memory of the girl riding his thigh in the same position.

You lick your lips as you quickly try to tear your gaze away from him so you don’t fall to the black hole you were trying to avoid all day, reminiscing every moment of your best friend fucking the shit out of that girl.

But then your eyes stop at his dark orbs, which are directly staring back at you. Your mind quickly flashbacks to those suggestive glances he gave your during his erotic action that had your pussy dripping like your whole body needed some release right there and then.

This time, however, his eyes glaze with a tint of something else, something you couldn’t properly read. His thick silver dyed eyebrows knitted into a frown as he parts his lips, perhaps due to the girl’s sinful action on his neck and it takes you all the willpower in your whole body to finally snap your gaze back at Jungkook.

“I gotta go to the loo!” you whisper as you quickly get on your two feet

“I’m gonna order more drinks, the same one for you?” He asks pointing at your shot and you nod, mouthing a quick thanks before making your way to the bathroom, you would be able to find your way to even if you were blind because of how often you have gotten drunk at this place.

You carefully make your way down the small hallway to the bathroom which is hidden at the back of the bar, almost reaching the women’s section when a hand grabs your wrist and pulls you back, pushing you to the nearest wall.

You gasp in the sudden coldness of the stone wall greeting your back, feeling the person’s weight pushing you to the wall and allowing you small to no room to move.

Your head snaps back up at the figure of the guy, with the silver strands of hair covering his forehead messily, The mixture of alcohol and his expensive cologne that usually persisted on your pillows when he came over to sleep at your place for the night hitting your skin.

“Kim Tae … ” you call softly, looking at the guy’s expression contouring in anger “What’s wrong?” you ask dumbfounded

“Am I joke to you?” he asks through a clenched jaw, his eyes burning in dark rage  “Huh?” He’s panting, his eyes travelling between your two dilated pupils as he demands an answer.  You just look back at him, in pure shock as you witness the side of him, you’ve barely seen before.

-

Taehyung sighs for the nth time that morning watching the director presenting his achievement in his very recent business trip, at the tail of the large table.

There is a reason he hates being a part of his dad’s business and these painfully tedious business meetings formed by men, who are mostly in their 40s and 50s, with the exception of him and his brother, make a big part of this reason.

He grabs his phone lazily, scrolling through the notifications as his eyes trace through the bunch of messages he’s received from you

“Tae, I didn’t find you at the club that night? where were you?”

“Is everything alright?"

"Why aren’t you answering my calls?”

"Pick your phone up, I wanna talk to you!"

"Tae, call me when you’re free!"

"Tae Tae? Hello?"

"Earth to Kim Tae, Earth to Kim Tae!"

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU TAE?”

“KIM TAEHYUNG, I’LL KILL YOU IF I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!”

“PICK YOUR FUCKING PHONE BEFORE I COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH!”

“Fine, dont answer me! you’ll regret it once I find you!”

“YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T NEED YOUR LAME ASS! DONT EVEN ANSWER ME!”

His heart clenches at the sight of the last angry message, his slender fingers carding through his silver coloured hair. After his impulsive actions with you that night, he decided it was for the best to avoid you for a while until the topic becomes that of memory for both of you, more specifically for him and he can face you again.

His mind flutters to the night from a week before, the memories still fresh like he’s still in amidst that hallway, with you caged across his arms.

“What’s wrong?,” you repeat staring into the hooded eyes of the guy pressing your body to the wall, concern creeping on your expression “What? You’re scaring me with your ugly face Tae.” you chuckle nervously to try and ease the tension but he seems to not take your lead

“I guess it’s all a joke to you-” he mutters but his sentence is interrupted with a familiar voice

“Taehyung”

You both turn to your side, observing Jimin standing there with stern eyes that are directed only at Taehyung.

“What?” Taehyung spits back in an annoyed tone that catches your attention “I need your help with the accounts, one second.” Jimin quickly replies, his eyes still intensely boring into Taehyung’s.

Taehyung hesitates, his hands still firmly pressing you against the wall, a gasp leaving your lips only realizing how firm his hold can get when he loosens his grip and you shift forward towards his chest.

“Fine” he hisses as he glares back at you for a few seconds, biting his lips as if he’s chewing the words that are about to slip out.

“Taehyung, I said I need your help!” Jimin rushes him with an angry tone. You furrow your eyebrows examining Taehyung’s face before bringing your eyes back to Jimin.

“Tae, I think you should go,” you suggest pointing at the guy who’s waiting for Taehyung to react but the guy standing against you don’t have any intentions to move.

“Let’s go,” Jimin says as he grabs Taehyung’s arms and pulls him behind himself while you just stand there and stare at the back side of your two friends drifting away from you.

Jimin pulls the guy behind himself throwing him inside the first empty VIP room he finds before locking the door behind himself.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He shouts back at the silver-haired guy who’s brushing his messy hair off his forehead.

“What?” Taehyung asks in an unfazed tone receiving a mocking scoff from Jimin.

“What? Are you really acting dumb with me?” Jimin frowns in disbelief, examining his best friend “Kim Taheyung, she’s your best friend”

“So what?” Taehyung growls bringing his dark eyes to the guy “Just because she is, it doesn’t mean she can’t be more.”

“Oh yeah?” Jimin mocks in disbelief “So you want her to be more huh? That’s what you want?”

“She’s fucking around with that fuckface from her company” Taehyung snarls through gritted teeth “Why can’t she do the same with me?”

“Do you really want me to answer that question Tae?” Jimin furrows his eyebrows watching the guy avoid his eyes nervously “fine, I’ll answer it for you. Its because you’re the type of guy who’s gone to STD checkups on a more regular basis than visiting your own parents and she-” Jimin sighs, hand carding through his rainbow-dyed hair “she can count the guys she’s slept with on one hand.”

“She’s as pure as virgin mary is what you’re saying” Taehyung nods in agreement “I already know that Jimin, you should be more creative than this old cliche story of bad boys dont fuck with good girls. I already know that by heart.”

“Do you?” Jimin jeers, his eyes widening in amusement “Is that why you’re trying her?”

“What do you wanna hear Jimin?” Taehyung’s dark, vulnerable eyes gaze at the shorter guy who’s staring back at him in rage “I fucking love her-” his eyes wander around as a small sigh leaves his lips “No, I  always fucking loved her. I loved her since the day she pulled my shredded pieces together and forced me to face myself and quit being a fucking coward, hiding behind drugs and alcohol.” Taehyung brings his tear glazed eyes to his friend “Are you happy hearing it?”

“Taehyung you can’t,” Jimin shakes his head “You’ll hurt her and you know it as much as I do”

“I know …” Taehyung sighs, falling down on the soft single sofa as he dips his head into his hands, his voice barely audible as he murmurs “I just fucking lost my mind when I saw her with that guy,” he then brings his head up and faces the guy “Who the fuck is he anyway?”

“Jeon Jungkook, one of the writers at Jung’s company” Jimin replies in a quiet tone and his friend scoffs “He’s been hitting on her for a couple of months now from what I know,” Jimin adds the extra information in an attempt to hint his friend at the possibility of you with another man.

Taehyung clenches his jaw, the fine line on his jaw protruding as the thoughts of you and Jungkook flashing in his mind.

“Get yourself together before you come out,” Jimin walks closer to the guy and presses a warm grip on his shoulder “Think about a creative explanation too, she’s not like the dumb girls you sleep with. You gotta give her something she believes.”

Taehyung sighs leaning back against the headrest of the sofa in the quiet room as the door closes behind Jimin and he’s left on his own and the silence that creeps in the four walls of the room.

After his eye-opening conversation with Jimin, he decided that he was too drunk to come up with a good explanation for his childish jealousy over you and your colleague. So he did what every other emotionally immature guy his age would do, he started avoiding you.

Well, one could argue that the move was even dumber than giving a vague explanation to you. It could perhaps spark even more suspicion in your mind that something is really going on but he couldn’t come up with a better plan so he just went with what his guts told him to do.

His attempt, however, was barely successful as you guys basically were all over each other’s life at this point. Your favourite place outside the office you practically lived your life in, was the club he owned where you downed a concerning amount of alcohol, your system could barely handle.

So he locked himself in his apartment, knowing you’d never visit him without letting him know first because of the number of times you walked on him while he was fucking a random girl.

He winces at the thoughts, realizing how he’s been basically labelling himself as a fuckboy in your eyes, practically all the years you’ve known him. All the times you visited him at his apartment only to be greeted by the sight of him boning a girl.

It is practically idiotic of him to even imagine that you would accept him as a possible significant other, considering you’d be one of the few people who know exactly how many girls he’s been with.

His eyes travel from his phone to the director that concludes his talk with a couple of flattering sentences for the Chairman of the company which happens to be his dad.

he has to stop his pupils from rolling to the back of his head, thinking the middle-aged director probably badmouths his whole family in his late-night drunk conversations with his colleagues, while sucking his dad’s dick in this meeting room.

The meeting is over and the Directors greet them one by one, their obvious flattering greetings for his brother and very reluctant greetings to him not going unnoticed from his observing eyes.

He is known to be good for nothing son of Kim Corporation, being famous to be on the list of useless rich kids who basically contribute nothing to their family business.

So it wasn’t much of a surprise for him to see the directors treat him with such underwhelming attitude, considering he’ll be not much of a use to them anyway.

“Both of you, come to my room!” his dad orders sternly, before leaving the two young men in the meeting room, the room now completely empty after everyone leaves.

“I shouldn’t have come,” Taehyung sighs in frustration, ruffling his messy hair as he grabs a bottle of water from the table and looks at his brother “I mean honestly no one really cares if I’m here or not.”

“Dad cares,” his brother replies in a soft tone “and I care, so you’re attending the directors meeting until we are here.” he then glances over the guy before asking “You alright? you look a bit out of it, Tae?”

“It’s alright,” Taehyung replies, feeling slightly taken off guard by his brother’s question “Just some personal shit.”

Seokjin isn’t always indifferent to him, but the age difference between them hasn’t allowed the two brothers to be super close to each other. He doesn’t blame Seokjin for it. after all, he was taking care of all the responsibilities since forever and he was always thankful for it. But still, it was quite hard for him to open up to the older, considering they barely had much one on one time growing up.

“By the dark circles under your eyes and your unwashed hair I can tell its girl issues,” the older suggest, watching Taehyung tense on his spot at the remark “I’ve been there, dont worry! I know how it usually goes.”

“You’ve had-” Taehyung asks with a frown on his face “lady issues?”

“Of course,” Seokjin laughs at his surprised expression “What did you think? that I’m just a heartless jerk?”

“No It's just that-” Taehyung scratches the back of his head “You dont seem the type to be into that shit!”

“What shit?” Seokjin raises an eyebrow “Love?” he asks mischievously

Taehyung clears his throat, blushing like a little kid being who is caught doing something embarrassing “Yeah, Whatever that shit is called.”

“Oh dear,” Seokjin shakes his head watching his younger brother “poor girl, If I ever meet her I’ll tell her to run.” he scoffs, watching his brother grimace at his remark “let’s go, dad is waiting!” he says before leaving the room ahead of him.

-

You press the green button beside Taehyung’s number for the 100th time that week, pressing the device to your ear as you murmured “Pick your phone up, you little bitch!” under your breath

The phone continues to ring for a few more times before sending you to the nasal voice of a woman asking you to leave a voice message. Well, the first few times you did, you left angry voice messages on his phone, screaming at the phone for him to stop ignoring you but you have given up by now.

You reach for your bag on your desk and push the phone in it as you whisper “Fine, ignore me all you want. I’ll just barge into your house and confront your ugly face by force.” you mutter the angry words to your computer screen as you quickly save your drafts when you hear Jungkook’s voice.

“Should we go for a drink tonight?” He stops by your desk, looking at your sour expression  "Having a bit of slump?“ he asks lightly, not realizing he’s playing with the edge of the knife considering how angry you are "I could probably help-”

“Piss off Jeon,” you hiss, throwing an angry glare at him “I dont have the nerves to entertain you right now.”

“Jesus,” he mutters, frowning at your heated tone “I was just trying to be helpful, you dont need to be so aggressive all the time.”

“No thank you, Mr Jeon,” you face him after grabbing your handbag and standing across him “I haven’t changed my mind and I dont wanna fuck you.” you say in a calm tone complemented by a fake smile.

“Seriously?!” he scoffs, leaning closer as you take a step back unconsciously, caging you between his body and the desk “After all this, you still think I just wanna get into your pants?”

“I …” you breath out, you expression softening as you realize perhaps you overreacted a bit “I’m sorry, I haven’t had the best day. I shouldn’t have vented my anger on you.”

He’s taken back by your apology, you can tell by how his dark eyes soften into those round, soft orbs that sometimes, although you desperately want to deny has you melting for them.

“It’s alright,” he takes a tiny step back, but still close enough to be face to face with you “My offer is still on, do you wanna have a drink tonight?” he hesitates before sighing “It’s on me, you dont have to take me to your friend’s club for free drinks.”

“Did you hate it that much?” You furrow your eyebrows at his remark

“I mean-” he hesitates before muttering “He was onto us the whole time we were there, It was a bit awkward.”

“What?” you laugh at his statement “No he wasn’t! Taehyung is not like that, he’s never the type to be counting how many drinks I have there.”

“Oh Gosh, ” he sighs with a mocking tone “You’re a bit dense, aren’t you?”

“Jeon Jungkook-” you hiss but he’s fast to interrupt you

“You didn’t answer me?” he raises an eyebrow “Drink? tonight? Yes or No?”

“fine,” your roll your eyes at his impatient tone “I’ll save you from wasting time, finding a chick to drink with if you’re that desperate!”

“That’s so nice of you Y/N,” he nods as he leans closer and licks his lips seductively “Do you also take responsibility for my other needs?”

Your jaw drops in disappointment, realizing men are looking for one thing after all, “Changed my mind,” you reply with a forced smile “Go find a chick to meet all of your needs, It’ll be easier for both of us.”

You walk past him when he grabs your wrist and stops you midway

“8 PM, the bar across the office!” he says in a firm tone as if he’s implying that he won’t accept any rejection

“I’ll think about it,” you reply, refusing to give in till the end as you leave the office.

You get into the uber you called a few minutes ago, apologizing to the young man for making him wait, cursing Jungkook under your breath as you hand him the address to Taehyung’s place.

It’s been a week now; since the night Taehyung stopped you in the hallway leading to the bathroom you frequently visited in the club. He was looking with a displeased expression and as you started to recognize the type of anger glazing his eyes, you grew even more concerned.

It was the same type of rage you witnessed once before when you sat there in Taehyung’s living room while his dad lectured him with venom in his voice about how disappointed he is.

He then went on to scold Taehyung for living like scum and hanging out with beggars like you.

You sat there, barely feeling any anger for the older man, at this point in life you were old enough to know a thing called the gap between rich and poor and how people from the higher socioeconomic status perceive those like you.

His dad was a dick but what concerned you the most was Taehyung glaring at his dad’s direction while panting heavily in anger, looking like he might charge towards him any second.

Your prediction turned out to be right when the guy shifted on his spot, about to do exactly as you guessed but your hands were quick to cover his thigh, urging him to contain himself by pressing as hard as you could on his quads muscles.

You remember this expression very well because what followed after his dad left his apartment was him screaming the anger he felt for the older man followed by the two of your drinking until you could barely speak.

When you both had enough alcohol in your system and your words started to become more of a slur than a clear speech, Taehyung cried in your chest and apologised for all his dad said to you while you reassured him that you were fine. The next day both you decided to forget the night.

But it was different now, there was no involvement of his dad and the only person in the equation he could be angry at that night was you. because you somehow managed to piss him off enough to bring out the worst you could ever imagine out of him.

Your heart sinks as you remember once again what happened after your discontinued conversation which was interrupted by Jimin. These days you never see Taehyung in the club at nights, barely receiving any replies to your calls and texts.

Although you decided to not read much into it and try to give him time, you started to become more suspicious that he’s avoiding you as he continued ignoring your calls. And today, you finally lost it.

You were looking at the edited version of the scene you’ve written based on him, every line reminding you the buried anxious feeling you had about losing him. He’s been your best friend for years now, and even the thought of losing him over a mistake that you weren’t even aware of committing it, was suffocating for you.

The car pulls over and you quickly get off the backseat, greeting the driver in a rushed manner as you run in the apartment complex. The old security greets you with his usual friendly tone but you’re too anxious to return the favour as you press the button on the side of the lift.

After a few seconds, the door opens and you get in, pressing the number that leads to Taehyung’s flat a couple of times as if it will help get you there any faster.

You grab your phone and attempt to call him one last time, you’ve already decided to barge into his flat even if he doesn’t reply but it doesn’t hurt to try and be respectful of his privacy before you say fuck it and force yourself into his personal space.

You’re not surprised when the phone sends you to voicemail, considering this has been the pattern of you attempting to contact him for the past few days.

You stand in front of his flat, inhaling air into your lungs as you feel all the anger and emotions that have been piled up in your heart finally get to your head as you punch the passcode in the key slot and twist the doorknob.

“Don't you dare blame me for invading your privacy when I fucking warned you Kim Tae-” you start to rant your way in with a raised voice as you throw your shoes off your feet on the side, bringing your gaze up only to see Taehyung with another unfamiliar, older guy sitting in his living room.

“H-Hi!” you force the greeting, suddenly all your anger disappearing upon seeing the two men

“Y/N,” he calls, his tone hoarse and breathy “What are you doing here?” he stands up walking to you

Your eyes travel between him and the guy who’s drinking from his pint of beer, eyeing you from head to toe as you reply “You kept ignoring my calls,” your eyes are still at the guy who smiles with himself, taking a bigger gulp of his beer upon hearing your voice “So I came here.” You finally bring your focus back on Taehyung as you abruptly ask “who’s that?”

“His brother,” the guy finally stands up and waves at you “Glad you asked. I thought I’m gonna have to sit here awkwardly the whole time. I’m Seokjin.” he then eyes his brother with a playful smile “and who are you?”

“Y/N-” you mutter but your self-introduction quickly comes to an end after a word when Taehyung grabs your arm and pushes you to the door

“Look, I’m actually busy now. I’ll call you and we can talk later!” he says as he reaches for the doorknob, while you repulsively move towards the door

“Tae, I think she can join us,” Seokjin calls for him and you look back to see if the guy is serious about his proposition “I mean she must be pretty close to you, to know your passcode. She might be able to help with your issue.”

“Help?” You quickly perk at the words as you pull your arms out of Taehyung’s grip and step closer to where his brother is sitting “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Taehyung says gripping your wrist this time and pulling you back towards the door “It’s nothing you should be concerned with-”

“He’s getting married.” Seokjin declares and your eyes are about to pop out of socket as they travel between him and Taehyung.

“What?” you shriek with lost eyes “W-When … How’s that even possible?” you ask as you shake your head in disbelief “Kim Tae? Getting married?” you laugh hysterically, trying to cover up the sinking feeling in your heart. 

You’re not even sure why you’re feeling so out of breath hearing about your best friend’s plans for marriage “Is that a joke?” you ask with a mocking tone

“Does he look like he’s joking?” Taehyung frowns at your response

“So you’re telling me, you,” you hesitate to point at his chest “Kim Taehyung is getting married?” you laugh again before pausing to look at him “Its must be a  joke , right?”

Taehyung sighs as he releases his grip on your arm before throwing himself at the nearest couch, shutting his eyes closed. You realize at this point, that perhaps, it’s not a joke after all so you quickly sit across him and look at his brother.

“But he’s not ready!” you protest in a rushed tone, not even considering the implications of your word before his brother speaks out.

“Mhmm Interesting,” he nods as he eyes his younger brother “And why do you say so?”

“Because-” you start the sentence, watching Tae bringing his gaze up onto you as you clumsily make the sentence “Because he’s still immature and-” you bat your eyelids trying to think of the next word “and he’s a fuckboy. he messes around with girls and he’s not the type to commit to one girl. How can he ever be bound to one person by marriage?”

You dont realize how the words that are leaving your lips carelessly could be interpreted as you’re saying them, but only come to your senses when Taehyung’s eyes darken.

“So that’s what you think of me huh?” his husky voice rings in your ear and you gulp, feeling intimidated by his tone for the first time in your years of friendship “That I’m immature, that I can’t commit to girls and I just mess around with them huh?” He scoffs, his head falling back as he shuts his eyes closed, making the bulging vein on his neck come to view.

“I mean- I, I-” you stutter as you try to form a response, eyeing his older brother who’s watching the scene in silence “I’m not totally wrong, am I?”

“No,” he nods, his eyes still shut and his voice lowered an octave “You’re right!” he nods again with a dark smirk plastered on the corner of his lips as he brings his gaze to you “But that’s not any of your concern as I said. So why don’t you mind your own fucking business?”

“T-Tae,” you call softly, your eyes glazing with tears that are threatening to fall down your cheek. It's been a week since you’ve seen him, you’ve missed him so much that all you want to do is to hug his stupid gigantic chest and feel at ease again. but instead, you are sitting across him being told that you should mind your own business right into your face “I … you’ve been avoiding me … and I just wanted-”

“Stop invading my personal space,” he spits back, his voice filled with sharp venom that cuts right through your heart “And you’re right, I’m immature, a fuckboy, a scum as my everyone else say. But that’s not any of your concern,” his jaw protrudes as he pauses before adding “That’s my future wife’s concern and she’s apparently fine with it.”

“F-Future wife?” You repeat, the words somehow translating to the fact that you will lose your best friend very soon “You’re really getting married? With who?” You ask in disbelief

“The daughter of JH Group,” its Seokjin’s voice that responds you this time and your gaze drifts away from your best friend “she really likes him,” he suggests, a playful smile fluttering on his lips that for some reason makes you want to punch him right there “I guess she doesn’t mind his past with other girls.”

I don’t mind his past, you scream in your head but you quickly have to shake the thoughts off and scold yourself for thinking of such an absurd thing. You have to blink rapidly to stop the tears from rolling down your eyes.

“Good,” you nod flashing a forced smile to his brother “I was just worried,” you dig your teeth onto your bottom lip “Watching him play with girls like playing cards, changing from one to another so fast because he got bored of them easily had me worried, wondering which stupid girl would ever want to stay with him.” you say through gritted eyes, your gaze piercing into Taehyung’s dark and furious orbs as you stand up “Good for you, I better go before I’m late for my date with Jungkook.”

You’re not sure why you include that extra information about your so-called date with Jungkook; probably one of the many questions that sparked during this conversation along with others like why you were so heated over Taehyung’s marriage and why you felt jealous of this girl you didn’t even know just because she was Taehyung’s soon to be wife.

You shut the door behind yourself after bidding Seokjin a polite goodbye, leaving the two guys on their own.

What you dont know is that the two remaining men sit there, conversing about no other person but you.

“That’s it?” Seokjin asks the guy who has his head between his hands, falling low against his body “You’re not gonna even go after her?”

“Hyung,” he breaths out facing the older guy with rage “With all due respect, can you please shut the fuck up?” he’s panting, his nose flaring with air that he exhales every time “Why the fuck did you tell her about the marriage?” he scoffs , his gaze wandering on the empty couch that you were sitting on a few seconds ago “To see how she belittles me and calls me a scum?”

“You’re an idiot Tae,” the older shakes his head in disapproval “You both are.” he sighs as he stands up from his seat, placing his pint of beer on the glass tea table “I did what I could, but I can’t make two blind people see eye to eye when they both refuse to even open their eyes." 

he says as he walks closer to the frustrated guy "Open your eyes, or you’ll have to watch her sleep in another man’s arms. That’s all the advice I can give you.”  he says before walking to the door and leaving Taehyung on his own.

-

“Hey,” you flash a tipsy smile which has the guy furrow his eyebrows as he gets closer to you “sit down!” you offer the seat beside you to him

“Are you planning to kill me?” he asks in a suspicious tone

“Not today, Jeon!” you chuckle and watch his expression contouring in more confusion “Maybe some other time. for tonight I need a drinking buddy.”

“Are you sure?” He flinches at your strange behaviour as he continues “You’re acting really weird.”

“I’m trying to be nice,” you roll your eyes at him as you fill up his glass with the bottle Johnnie  you ordered earlier “Your favourite right?”

He nods, gulping the shot down as he eyes you carefully “Spit it out, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you gulp a gentle sip of your glass “I just had an argument with my friend.”

“Kim Taehyung?” he asks and you look at him in surprise

“How do you know?” you ask, tensing at how easily he can read you

“He was giving me death glares the whole night,” he smirks as he turns around to face you on his side “Are you sure you guys are just friends?”

“Y-Yeah,” you nod, feeling slightly uncomfortable about the question, after your earlier conversation with Taehyung and his brother you are still baffled about your confusing emotions about him and his marriage “why?”

“He seems to like you,” he shrugs “I mean if he was really just your friend, he would have never cockblocked you like he did that night?”

“Wait, What?” you shake your head at his statement “he never cockblocked me?”

“He was literally watching us for the first half an hour I got there,” he smirks looking at your surprised expression “I guess you have things to clear out with your "friend”.“

You consider Jungkook’s words for a few seconds before quickly shaking it off with a bitter smile "There is no need. He’s getting married soon, that should be enough to clear things out.” you reply and Jungkook raises an eyebrow

“Interesting,” he nods, tapping his shot at yours “Okay then.” he shrugs indifferent and gulps the shot down “To your friend’s marriage.”

-

You enter the familiar space of the club you visit almost every night, greeting Jimin who’s cleaning the shelves filled with different bottles of alcoholic drinks.

“Hey Jiminie,” you call for him, catching his attention as he looks at you and flashes soft smile “How’s it going?”

“You’re early tonight!” the voices out with a grin

“I thought maybe I can find Tae if I come early,” you reply in a hesitant tone, avoiding his piercing gaze which is trying to figure you out “Is he here?”

“He … ” he starts, hesitantly glancing his way up at the VIP rooms upstairs and you immediately know you finally found your prey as you make your way to the stairs

“No, wait-”

You hear Jimin calling for you from behind but you can barely stop yourself from barging into each room at the second floor, checking in to every single one of them, one after another to find him.

It’s been 3 days since you talked at his place, 10 days since he’s been ignoring your calls and texts and you were not having it anymore. If it took another confrontation and an argument to come to closure, you were prepared to go all the way.

It’s the 5th room you open the door to when you find him, half sitting on a couch while a girl in her lingerie’s is kneeling against his thighs, pleasing him.

His eyes are shut, resembling the way he closed them the day you argued in his flat, droplets of sweat running down the side of his neck while his plump lips part and wanton moans leave his lips.

“Fuck,” he breathes out, holding onto the girl’s hair firmly as he orders “Deeper, suck me deeper.”

The girl complies and you lick your lips, watching her gag on his girth, this time not very surprised by his ridiculous size since you’ve seen it all before. You have to leave, you clearly tell yourself that in your mind but still your feet are stuck to the floor, your eyes not tearing themselves apart from the erotic scene of your best friend receiving pleasure from another girl.

You dig your teeth onto your bottom lips as you remember the weekend you spent at home, bringing yourself to orgasm again and again just by the aid of your newly arrived vibrator and the dirty erotic scenes you’ve had saved in your memory from watching your best friend fuck another girl.

You just blamed it on the time of the month, your ovulation, the fact that you missed Taehyung and also was immensely pissed at him that he was the key to your delicious highs all weekend.

But you can no longer deny it, you are thirsting over your best friend and his seductively large dick. You bite your lips, feeling a drip of arousal running down your thighs as you confess to your sin in your mind.

You gasp as Taehyung suddenly parts his lids and bring them to you, pupils, dilating in surprise as he catches sight of you. but what follows causes your eyeballs to practically popping out of the socket.

“Y/N-” he moans in a whiny tone, holding onto the girl’s head as he thrusts his hip forward into her throat “Fuck, Y/N …” he calls again, throwing his head back “Its feels so good, Fuck …” he sighs, shutting his eyes closed again.

Your eyes travel to the girl and that’s your epiphany, you wanna be her. you wanna be on your knees, with your lips around Taehyung’s girth, deep throating and gagging on his ginormous cock until he calls your name like how he is now.

The rush of arousal drips down your core as blood races up your cheek and you finally come clean with yourself and realize you should no longer stay there. You turn on your heel, finally tearing your gaze from the sensual scene before rushing out of the room and down the stairs.

“Y/N … what happened?” Jimin asks in concern, his eyes examining your crimson tinted face

“N…Nothing …” you say panting heavily as you practically ran down the stairs “I gotta go, see you later.” you manage to form the words clumsily before you rush out of the club.

-

It's been officially two weeks since your quarrel with Taehyung. If for the first ten days he was the only one guilty of avoiding the situation, now it was on your side too. After practically finding yourself drooling over your best friend’s cock in another girl’s mouth, you decided you really need to get your life together.

Your first defence mechanism was to bring up excuses, it’s been long since you were in a relationship, its been even longer since you put your genital anywhere near another human being. So you assumed you were just confused and flustered by the carnal desires.

There is still that turn of your stomach at the thought of Taehyung marrying the girl you secretly hated even before meeting her, that was kind of nagging you to prove you otherwise. but you are stronger to let it sink into your thoughts and make their destructive effects.

You decide to organize your room on your day off, the whole organization giving you both time and venue to organize your mind at the same time. you aren’t even surprised when you spend the whole morning cleaning the room you basically leave in the morning only to come back late at night, intoxicated by alcohol to sleep in.

You sigh as you pull out all of your drawers, emptying the content of each of them to vacuum the month old dust that has accumulated in it. sitting in the middle of the pile of notebooks and journals you find your photo album which contains all your memories growing up.

You decide a walk down memory lane would be a good idea for a mundane day like this so you flip through the pages, smiling at how silly you look in each picture.

Your finger stops flipping through the page when there is a picture of you and Taehyung, both in your school uniform making faces to the camera with your graduation certificates in hand.

You dont even realize you’re crying, the wet trail of tear down your cheek is your only clue to the emotions pouring out on a physical level.

“Idiot,” you whisper touching the guy’s tanned skin in the image “I missed you.”

your attention diverts to your phone on your side, glancing at the text notification on the screen from Jung.

“Hey everyone, dont forget the party tonight. We’re all gathering at EVE, the bar across the office. dont forget everyone can bring their partner/significant other. See you all there!”

You sigh, remembering you committed to attending the party that Jung decided to throw to celebrate your new book with everyone else. your eyes glaze over the word partner/ significant other and you heave a sigh. These are the times you hated being single the most.

Jungkook is your momentary option, but considering how much of a big ego he is, you would never bring yourself down to ask him first. it is already late and you have to come up with an idea.

you scroll through your contacts, considering every guy friend you have. Jimin is your go-to option but you know in these situations but you know he works at the club tonight and since its weekend, he won’t be able to leave the place to the inexperienced part-timers either.

you fingers stop scrolling at Taehyung’s name, gulping nervously as your finger hovers over his name when suddenly the phone goes dark and then his name flashes on the screen along with the ring of the phone.

“Hello?” you immediately answer the phone, cursing yourself for appearing so desperate when his voice echoes in the device

“Hey…” he greets awkwardly as he shifts over the phone “H..How are yo-”

“Do you wanna go to a party with me?” you ask in a rushed tone, interrupting him midway through his greeting

“O-Ok …” he replies hesitantly “when is it?” he leads you on to your surprise

“Tonight!” you say nervously as you shift the phone to your other ear, your gaze fixed on the guy’s younger version in the image “Are you busy?”

“N-No … I … I mean-” he breaths out nervously as he murmurs “Its fine, I’ll pick you up then.”

“Okay, see ya.” you disconnect the phone before rushing to the shower to get ready.

The office parties are one place you need to show that you are more than the nerd author who spends her days stuck onto her chair writing fictions. So you usually put a lot more effort than the dark pencil skirt and white dress shirt you usually sport at work.

But this time, you’re not sure why but you’re feeling all giddy inside, like a teenager going on her first date who wants to look good to the boy of her fantasies.

You spend another half an hour staring into your vanity as you try to perfect your makeup and eyeliners, the masses of Q tips and wet wipes messily spread over the table indicating your failure.

You sigh in relief as the final touch of lipstick comes to your lips, and you check the time on your phone realizing you’ve got ready just on time.

A simple text from Taehyung, saying he’s waiting for you downstairs has you rushing down your hallway, with your handbag and heels in each hand. you quickly slide into your heels before finally leaving the house.

Taehyung is in his bright red Audi, which usually has eyes drawn to it, just like its owner. You feel nervous, something in your tummy turns when brings his gaze from his phone up to you as he hears your heels click on the ground.

You hold your breath in your chest, the momentary eye contact fluttering the memories of the last time you saw those dark orbs looking back at you.

“Hey!” you pant as you get in the passenger’s side, reaching for the seatbelt when he leans in and pulls it for you

“Hey!” he murmurs in his deep voice, his warm breath hitting your neck as he shifts away and fastens the seat belt “Where is the place?”

“EVE, the bar in front of the office.” you quickly mutter as you search for your GPS but he presses his hand on yours to stop you

“I think I know it,” he mutters and you gulp, feeling his touch on your hand.

You can’t believe you’re craving for the simplest touch from him only after two weeks. You wonder if spending time with anyone for so long would make you so needy and craving for their existence as you craved for Tae

“How have you been?” he asks, his eyes fixed on the road

“Good, pretty good,” you reply, proud of yourself for not stuttering your answer

“How’s the book going?” he asks, glancing at your for a moment before drifting his attention back on the road

“Good, we’re due to publish it next month,” you hesitate before you add “Tonight’s party is held because of the book.”

“Mhmm,” he hums in response, nodding his head “You should have told me, I would have brought a gift or something,” he says as he purses his lips into a tiny pout.

It takes all your willpower to not lean in and kiss that tiny pout on his lips but you manage to hold back and mutter “Its fine,” you chuckle awkwardly as you add “I mean, you were my muse, so I should be the one buying you something.”

He takes his eyes from the road, glancing at you for a second while having the steering skillfully controlled without having any view of the road ahead, his only view your anxious expression.

“Muse?” he asks, narrowing his eyes “Right!” he nods, his tongue poking to lick his lips as his aura changes into his usual mischievous mode “I forgot I was the reason you finished the book.”

“Yeah,” you agree with him “I kind of owe the publication of this book to you,” you confess honestly

“And as long as I remember you never paid me back,” he says in a sassy tone, while he reverses parks his sports car into one of the spots allocated in front of the bar.

You ignore his words, reaching for your seatbelt when he leans in, his face a few inches away from you as he holds onto the hand your trying to unfasten your seatbelt with.

“So,” he hesitates, his dark eyes piercing into yours “how are you gonna pay me back?”

“H..How do you want me to pay you back?” you ask as you bat your eyelids anxiously “I mean- I mean it’d be ridiculous for me to pay you back in money.”

“right, It can’t be money but there should be another way right?” he asks, a faint smirk glazing on his lips when the click of the seatbelt echoes in the silence of the car and the fabric is pulled back into its place in a fast pace “I’ll think about it,” he says simply before getting off the car.

The party is as boring as it always been. a bunch of colleagues who absolutely have no interest in each other’s life, showing up with their significant others, only to prove others that somehow their life is more than what they do in the company which is perhaps not even true.

You can sense the eyes of the ladies and even some guys on Taehyung from the all over the room. it wasn’t the first time the silver-haired guy attracted attention in a social gathering like this so you were somehow used to having people swooning over his beauty.

But for some reason, you feel your throat going dry every time he greets another lady with his suggestive and seductive words. The guy has a big sign reading “I have the best dick in the room” plastered all over his confident tone and expressions and the fact that you know that is true anger you even more.

Who are you kidding, you were practically one of those girls who wanted to be served by his dick a few days ago and you’re not even sure if you’ve changed your mind since or not.

So you have no right to judge when one of your colleagues who come alone to the party starts to engage him in a heated conversation about the new clothes line released by Gucci which Taehyung’s body was adorned by.

You quietly walk away from the two, walking to the bartender as you ask for a tequila, reminiscing all the times you’ve asked Jimin for one. You miss him, considering you’ve met the guy at Taehyung’s club more often than your own parents.

You down the tequila feeling suddenly down about the whole situation you put yourself in. Was this book even worth it? you wonder as you glance back at the silver-haired guy who’s seducing yet another girl for the night.

Maybe if you weren’t aware of how good he dicks his girls down, if that night you refused to cave in to the temptations of beating Jungkook, if you just wrote the piece from a text reference or something … maybe then your feelings was never ignited for your best friend. Maybe now you wouldn’t be feeling the turn in your tummy from the sight of him flirting with other girls. or that sinking feeling in your heart every time you remember that he’ll be married soon.

“I was waiting for your call!” Jungkook orders a shot for himself glancing over at your best friend before muttering “But I guess you had someone else to come with.”

you glance at your side, hearing Jungkook’s voice, a heavy sigh leaving your chest as your reply “I was waiting for yours.”  at this point you dont even care if you place your ego aside, you’re too tipsy to keep your head high.

“We’re both quite thick-headed, aren’t we?” He scoffs at your response “That’s why we’ve been breathing on each other’s neck for two years in that office and yet …” he takes a sip of his glass of Johnnie “none of us have the balls to do anything.”

“I assumed you’d have the balls,” you raise an eyebrow, the alcohol dissolving in your blood giving you extra courage “I guess not much is happening down there, Jeon.” you motion down at his crotch with your head

“You’re so fucking cheeky all the time … ” he inhales as he takes a step closer to you “I bet that smart mouth of yours would look so good around my cock,” he whispers the filthy words and you have to take a moment to digest the fact that he just suggested such filthy thing in a public place like this.

“Why dont we try?” you challenge him and this time you take a step closer “I’d love to see if you actually have any balls.”

He smirks at your play on words, clenching his jaw as his eyes darken in pure lust “the bathroom at our 3 o'clock, be there in 5 minutes."

he doesn’t allow you to question his proposition for a second time, as he turns on his heel and makes his way to the location he just notified you about.

You take your time, downing another shot since what you were about to do needed a bit more alcohol courage than you already had. You’ve never done public before but for some reason, with the jealousy and frustration blinding your vision, you found the idea extremely appealing.

You place the glass shot before turning on your heels and nervously making your way to the male bathroom that Jungkook disappeared to earlier. To your utter surprise, no one is around and you make your way inside without embarrassingly caught red-handed.

After a quick knock, the door opens and Jungkook yanks you in the small cubicle, pressing his lips on your as he pushes you to the wooden door.

You impatiently reach for his belt, loosening the leather material before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants all in a few seconds.

"Impatient huh?” He breathes out, watching you focus your attention on his crotch as your lower his pants down, dropping to your knee.

“It’s not like we have much time,” you spit back with a frown, keeping your gaze at him as you lower his boxer on his thighs.

You gulp, your eyes slowly drifting down to his toned muscles, wondering how the hell he manages to be so muscular and fit considering he spends most his time sitting on his desk like you.

“I guess you do have balls,” you point out mockingly as you glance up, watching him scoff at your remark

“Are you just gonna examine my balls or you wanna do something about it?” He raises an eyebrow

“Of course …” you reach to grab a fistful of him, pumping his dick to get the blood rushing in his manhood, watching his muscles contract and relax against your hand “I’m gonna show you my balls now,” you say before leaning in and enveloping him between your lips.

“Fuck,” he writes, his head falling back as he thrusts his length even more in your mouth “It feels even better than what I imagined.”

You furrow your eyebrows at his words, thinking exactly how many times the guy imagined you in the current position to have come up with a certain expectation like that.

He’s not as gigantic as Taehyung, you realize within the first few pumps of his cock in your mouth, but he is good in his own league. It doesn’t take long before his hand grips onto strands of your hair, pushing himself further in your throat and your gag reflex starts to get in the way.

“Shit,” he clenches his jaw as he brings his gaze down to you “I need more, take me more Y/N.”

You slack your jaw and ease your throat to allow the guy in even more, as your fondle with his balls at the same time to amplify his pleasure.

“God YES!” He cries as he fucks your throat “You take me so well baby, its feel like heaven.”

The praising words encourage you to move your head faster while using your free hand to hold onto the guy’s iron thighs as a handle. Jungkook picks up your attempt and fastens the snap of his own hip in and out of your mouth and he reaches his high.

“FUCK Y/N … ” he calls in a needy tone “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum in your mouth baby,” he warns and you give him a nod of approval, Jungkook releasing a big spurt of his cum down your throat.

His hip stutters and he slows down before completely pulling out and quickly grabbing your wrist to pull you up onto your feet.

“Fuck,” he voices out “That was-” he tries to form the words but instead he leans in and kisses your lips, tasting his own cum in your tongue.

As you shut your eyes close in the kiss, you can’t help but see Taehyung’s dark orbs glaring your way. a rush of guilt fills your heart, thinking he’s probably out there in the boring party you brought him to, while you’re fucking your coworker in the male bathroom.

“Jungkook …” you gasp as you pull back, nervously shifting your gaze as you  mutter “I should get myself fixed before anyone comes.” you quickly turn around to unlock the door when his voice stops you

“before anyone comes?” His dark voice echoes in your ear as he adds “Are you worried your "friend”, Taehyung,  sees you with my cum all over your lips? “ he whispers against your ear as he leans closer to you, his chest pressing against your back.

You furrow your eyebrows, sensing a tint of evil in his voice, but for now, all you were concerned with was to leave this cubicle and clean your cum covered lips.

So you open the door of the bathroom and step out, bringing your head up to face the mirror only to see your best friend standing there with his hands across his chest, glaring at you as he rests his back on the tiled wall

"Tae …” you call for him, voice shaking at the thought of him hearing all the filthy things you’ve been doing with Jungkook a few seconds ago “W..What are you doing he-”

“I know what I want as payback for being your muse,” he says through gritted teeth as he points at the closed door of the cubicle where Jungkook is in behind you “I’ll have what he had!” he says in a demanding tone and your eyes widen in surprise.

-

You glance over at your friend whose eyes are fixed on the road. After your embarrassing confrontation in the bathroom, followed by his bizarre request, he left you on your own in there.

You proceeded to fix yourself up in the bathroom mirror, not even bothering to bid Jungkook a goodbye as your only goal at this point was to leave this place and all memories associated with it behind.

So here you are now, sitting in your friend’s sports car, driving to God knows where.

You bite your lips nervously upon seeing his well-defined eyebrows furrowing close together. He seems pissed, you can tell by the silent treatment he’s been giving you all night at the party.

He even had the audacity to flirt with every girl who was on her own, completely ignoring the fact that he was supposed to be your so-called “partner” after interrupting your session with Jungkook.

You scoff at the thought, which immediately draws his attention, his hollow eyes travelling momentarily from the road to you. You gulp quickly looking away, not bearing to watch his angry eyes.

No matter how many years its been since you’ve known him, you feel your blood running cold when he gives you those angry glares. He is intimidating, no matter how much you deny it with yourself or him.

The car pulls over and you glance over at the sight of his apartment complex coming to your view, Taehyung stopping just in front of the lobby as the security waves for him.

you watch as he gets off the passenger side, and you have no other choice but to follow as he hands the car key to his security. Your rushed footsteps follow after him inside the lobby, watching him press the elevator button while tapping the front of his shoe on the marble floor.

As you stop across him and attempt to ask what you’re doing here, the lift’s door opens and he steps in. You hesitate to watch him from the outside as he presses the button to his flat.

The door proceeds to close between you when he quickly presses the button and gives you an unimpressed look

”What?” He raises an eyebrow “Are you coming or not?”

You feet unconsciously step in upon his questioning and the door closes behind you. You totally lose all trail of your thoughts, and the questions you were gonna ask, just watching the digit on the lift increasing dumbfoundedly.

The lift stops with the sound of a bell and your best friend steps out. You follow after him silently like a kid who is waiting for her punishment, knowing very well there is something coming up with his angry demeanour.

Taehyung walks in the kitchen which is across the entrance, immediately reaching for a bottle of beer and snaps it open before pressing it against his lips and gulping half the bottle while he glances at you.

you push your shoes to the side, entering the familiar place while making a momentary eye contact with him which makes things even more awkward between the two of you.

”You’re not gonna give me one!?” You chuckle lightly pointing at his fridge trying to ease the mood

“You already had enough drinks for your limit,” he says unimpressed as he takes another sip “5 shots of tequila, I wonder if that’s why you were sucking dick in the bathroom.”

“Taehyung-“ you wince with furrowed eyebrows, suddenly feeling defensive about his statement

”anyways,” he shrugs it off, glancing away as he mutters “I already said what I want, it’s up to you.” He declares as he stares back at you with waiting eyes

“What-“ you part your lips but then gasp, mouth wide open at the realization “Were you serious!?”

“You dont have to do it,” he quickly replies in a rushed tone, raising his shoulder in a quick shrug “I never did it for something in return anyway.”

You hesitate, waiting for him to break that serious expression he’s wearing on his face any second and tell you its all a joke. But he doesn’t, instead, he just takes another big gulp of his bottle of beer, his Adam’s apple moving between the toned muscles of his neck.

”If you’re still on your words, get in my room and think of your safe word,” he instructs simply as if it’s not weird at all “If not, I’ll drop you off at your place.”

You stare at him in a daze, trying to digest his words. He just suggested you go wait in his room like those girls he bones every other night. The image has you clenching your thighs together. You wanna believe you’re weirded out and you wanna walk out. But in reality, you really wanna walk down his hallway and get on your knees to be one of those girls shamelessly.

”Let’s go,” he says as he places the bottle of beer on the kitchen top “I’ll drop you ho-“

”I’ll do it,” you quickly interrupt, retracting your arm from his reach “I wanna pay you back and if this is your preferred method, fine! I’ll do it.” You say determinedly

”you dont have to,” he says looking directly into your eyes, stepping closer across your body

”I want to.” You repeat firmly, looking back at his eyes that suddenly turn darker in lust

”Fine,” he nods, hesitation still evident in his quivering pupils as they travel between your two eyes “Go wait in the room,” he hesitates as he glances down at your body “naked!”

Your breath hitches at the request, eyes unconsciously widening at his words.

“Alright,” You nod, standing there, still on your spot as if you’re still trying to think this plan through “Alright!” You nod again before turning on your heels and walking down the hallway to his room.

There is an odd feeling at the pit of your stomach when you step in the room, the sheet messily curled on the bed reminding you of the other night you were here. the night you watched Taehyung fuck that girl so intensely, it left you high and dry craving for some.

The realization finally hits you, now it’s you, you’re another one of those girls who you always used to mock over the years. sure, Taehyung was always an attractive young man, but you never understood why girls loved to be in his bed just as a playtoy for a night between his thighs.

“I thought I gave you an order!”

you turn around facing the guy, a shiver running down your spine the moment you hear his deep husky voice echoing in the four walls of the room.

“It’s not late,” he explains softly, no trace of anger or authority evident in his voice “If you regret it, step out and leave the apartment. I’ll be out in the lobby in five.”

“Why are you so insistent on me leaving?” You raise an eyebrow as your hands trace down to the hem of your dress “Do you regret asking me?” you step closer to him daring “Do you not want this with me?”

“No,” he snaps, his eyebrows furrowing closer together at the daring question “I dont regret a single thing. I just want you to know you have a choice.”

“And I said I’m fine,” you persist as you roll up your tight dress onto your waist and up to your chest, the fabric creating some friction with the curves of your chest before driving up onto your neck.

You throw the piece of dress aside, gulping nervously as you watch Taehyung’s eyes fixed on yours. You are slightly surprised that he almost resists to look down on your body.

“Am I gonna be the only one naked here?” you ask raising an eyebrow, trying to fight for dominance in the conversation despite your crumbling confidence due to your exposed body.

“No,” He says as his eyes falter away, hand reaching to loosen his tie that is perfectly hugging his neck “We have things to discuss before that.”

“What?” you voice out almost annoyed and impatient

“Safeword,” he replies bringing his eyes back, and for the first time you see his gaze scanning over your cleavage before shooting back to your face “Choose one.”

“Caramel!” you immediately reply, biting your lips as he squints his eyes on your quick response. Shit, you shut your eyes closed before quickly opening them.

“Okay,” he breaths out nodding his head as he steps closer to you “you know the game, if you wanna stop anytime, you say the word.”

“What if I can’t speak?” you muse looking at him with curious eyes

His eyes grow darker in shade, examining your face for more hint on the meaning behind your words. He exhales softly, the combined smell of his cologne and alcohol hitting your nose.

“So you already know what I’m gonna do with you?” he asks watching you closely as he dips his hands in the side pockets of his suit

“I got an idea,” you reply nonchalantly “"I’ll have what he had”, wasn’t that your request?“

You watch his face hardening at the mention of the earlier memories, the line in his jaw protrudes, indicating the pressure he’s exerting with his jaw on the bottom row of his teeth.

"two taps and I’ll know,” he says sternly as he points on the floor with his chin “down on your knees.”

The words are enough for your knees to give in. You slowly drop on your knee, maintaining eye contact with him as you do so. You reach forward for the button of his pants but he slaps it off.

“Hands off,” he shakes his head, looking down on you with unimpressed eyes “Hands behind your back.”

You gulp, lips slightly pursing into a pout before bringing your hands behind your back and clasping them together.

“Since you’re so good at giving heads, why dont you try with your mouth only?” He smirks at you “your skilled little mouth should be able to do that much.”

You blink up at him before drifting closer and tugging on his unbuttoned pants with your teeth. a sense of pride rushes through your veins as you feel his abdominal muscles clenching and unclench under your touch, he is affected by you and you barely touched him and that is enough to rush a considerable amount of arousal between your thighs.

You struggle to lower the fabric of his suit pants down, and after a few attempts whine quietly before bringing your eyes up to him.

“You seemed like you’re pretty good with your mouth when you were deep throating Jungkook,” He tilts his head to the side looking at you with haughty eyes as his fingers trace down to his pants “You need a hand?”

You nod frantically, impatient to have his clothed bulge exposed against your eyes and he senses your longing gaze on his hand.

“Why dont you beg for it?” He asks and your eyes widen, head flicking up to his face to see if he’s serious

“Kim Tae-”

“Daddy,” he bites the corner of his lips with anticipation “That’s what you’re gonna call me.”

You hesitate, eyes trembling on his stern expression, waiting any seconds for him to break out of character and tell you otherwise. But he remains unfazed as if he has planned all of this way before and is in no intention to change his mind.

“Remember Y/N, we’re playing by my rules but,” he mutters, his hand cupping your chin to bring back your head up to face him “You can say the word and we’ll stop-”

“Daddy,” you voice out, head tilted back and chin pointing at his face “Please, help me undress you,” you begin a seductive word and smile in victory as you see the guy’s eyes darken in lust

“You know how to beg,” he smirks, affectionately stroking your cheek “Such a good little whore, I guess I should give you a hand now that you asked so nicely.”

His other hand then travels down to unbutton his pants, before zipping it down and tucking the fabric lower on his thighs. You swoon over the toned thighs that come into your view, all those times you’d see him after his gym sessions with his toned thighs covered with sweats or shorts flashing through your mind.

Your eyes then freeze at the sight of his Calvin Klein brief that hugged his groin firmly, the bulge tightly pressing against the material and begging to be freed from its cage.

You lick your lips, imagining the monster you’ve seen before popping out in a few seconds, core trembling in excitement and urging you to drift closer to him.

“Mhmm,” he hums, hand tracing back from your cheek to the back of your head “Keen aren’t we baby?” he winks at your heated expression, pulling you with your head forward, “I think you can do the rest on your own babe, show me what that mouth can do.”

You keep your eyes fixed on him for a few seconds, taking up the challenge before leaning in and grazing your lips against his lower abdomen, where the hem of his brief is sitting.

You smirk hearing his groan in the background, knowing the touch of your lips on his skin is already affecting him giving you a sense of pride. You then hook your teeth on the hem of his brief and slowly yank the fabric down, against the resistance of the elastic band around his waist.

Taehyung watches you attentively, breath caging in his chest at the sight of your lips so close to his manhood as you pull his brief lower on his thighs, his eager and throbbing cock springing out against your cheek.

“Fuck,” he breathes out as he watches you finishing up your task of undressing him “When did you learn to be so good with your mouth?”

You tilt your head back, leaning in to graze your tongue on his angry red tip before muttering “I haven’t even started it, Daddy” you tease with a smirk

“You’re a fucking Cocktease,” he groans, head falling back as your lips resume their sinful action on his tip “OH FUCK!”

You smile in satisfaction at his cry of pleasure, taking half of his length in your mouth before pulling it all the way out and fondling his shaft with your tongue.

Taehyung’s expression contours in pain and frustration, wanting to slam his dick at the back of your throat any seconds but he stops his urges by firmly pulling on the strands of your hair.

“Why?” he asks, eyes glazing over you carefully “You dont think you can take it?”

“I can,” you raise an eyebrow, cupping his balls between your lips to attain a groan ripping from his throat “I’ve had big things in my mouth before”

“So you really wanna be a cocktease huh?” He squints his eyes at you remembering how you were on your knees with Jungkook’s cock in your mouth a few hours ago “You seemed in more of a rush with that bastard Jeon Jungkook,” he then smirks darkly as he mutters “Or was he too disappointing that you wanted to finish him up soon?”

Your eyes lighten with excitement at the mention of the other guys, lips still continuing to play with his balls and watch his abs clench with your action.

“Not really,” you lick your lips, eyes wandering around as you mutter “He was actually quite impressive for his own,” you gulp as you feel his hand tighten in your hair to tilt your head up but you remain unaffected as you continue “It was more of a quickie before we get to his place, that was if-” your voice trails off to look up at him “thing went as planned.”

You can see a strange tint of anger in his smirk that persistently stays on his lips, it’s quite similar to the rage he presented the other night at the club when he slammed you against that wall.

The difference is it no longer scares you or concerns you, but it only gives you a bit of excitement. The possibility that the high and mighty Kim Tae who never bats an eye on any girl would be pressed about you and another man shoots arousal right into your core.

And even if the thought of your best friend being possessive over you might have been more of a joke till a few hours ago, it was now making you all hot and bothered in all the right places.

“Now that the plans have changed,” he mutters darkly “You might as well go ahead and enjoy it, babe.”

He then grasps your head by the anchor of hair and pulls you towards his waiting cock and you compliantly part your lips, enveloping the warm muscles around his breadth.

“Fuck YES!” he groans, head falling back from the immense pleasure as you take him in, his cock twitching against your tongue as you lean closer and closer on his shaft

You whimper, the vibration making his knees weak as you realize his tip is already stimulating your gag reflex, hitting the back of your throat, but you’re only two third of your way on his cock.

His hooded eyes travel down to you, realizing you’ve stopped “You’ve had big things in your mouth but not this big,” a cocky smirk plasters on the corner of his lips again “You can’t take it all in can you?”

You cough as he snaps his hip forward, your throat closing down on his tip as tears well up in your eyes.

“You dont need to act tough babe,” he smirks watching your perseverance in taking him further down your throat “You know you’re not the first one to fail to take me-Aaahh FUCK!”

His sentence is left unfinished as you ease your throat around him and take him further in, his hand pressing against the back of your head while you push yourself against his pelvis.

Your nose digs into his lower abdominal muscles that clench and unclench under against your touch while your gag reflex continues to try and resist your attempt to keep him in.

“FUCK,” He cries, knees buckling and almost giving in as the sensation of his length completely enveloped by your mouth sends him to cloud nine “You take me so fucking well, God!” he says out of breath and you moan with him deep in your mouth, sending more pleasure shooting in his vein

“I wanna fuck your mouth so bad,” he groans bringing his pleading eyes to you “I wanna slam my cock in your throat so fucking much babe.”

You hesitate, eyes fluttering close and open, considering his proposition before hollowing your cheek and moving your tongue against his shaft to urge him.

“Fuck,” he exhales in disbelief “You want it, dont you?”

You nod, hand reaching at the back of his hips, to press him against your mouth before bobbing your head back and forth on his length.

“You’re such a cockslut,” he mutters in adoration, gripping your head to keep you still “I’m gonna fuck your mouth as you love it, babe.”

You stare at him with anticipating eyes, his firm holds on your head stopping you from bobbing your head on his cock as you planned. He then snaps his hip forward in a sudden movement and starts fucking your mouth in an erratic speed.

You remain still, the sound of his balls slapping against your chin and your gag reflex kicking in every few thrusts echoing in your ears in the background while the sight of the man groaning and moaning to the intense sensation of your mouth around him arousing you more and more.

Your hand travel down to your exposed core, finding the sensitive bundle of nerve that is throbbing to receive any stimulation possible and flick your finger on your clit.

The motion sends shivers down your spine and you moan against his cock, the vibrations attaining a painful groan from the guy who’s about to come undone in your mouth.

His eyes flick back onto you suspiciously and find your hand toying with your clit but the scene is not all too pleasant to his eyes. His eyes darken and he holds himself still in your mouth on the next thrust before harshly pulling back from you.

You stare up at him in surprise, gasping heavily for the air you were denied because of his enormous length in your throat when you meet his angry gaze on you.

“I thought I gave you an order,” he tilts his head to the side, watching your through hooded eyes “you’re not really good at obeying are you?”

Your hand cease their action on your clit and immediately retract back to their original place beside the other hand at your back but the action doesn’t go unnoticed from his attentive eyes on you.

“I-I J…Just-”

“Sssh,” he stops your attempt to justify your action as he wraps his hands around your neck, gently lacing around your throat without exerting any pressure “You disobeyed me and wanted to be a sneaky little whore huh?”

Your eyes tremble as you consider your options out of this situation, licking your lips carefully before leaning to take his cock back in your mouth but he’s quicker to realize your intentions to distract him.

“Tsh Tsh,” he scolds, fingers pressing against your windpipe and yanking you up on your feet “and you continue to be a naughty cockslut huh?”

his other hand travels down to your core, where your fingers were toying a few minutes ago. His fingertips touch the silky rope of arousal that covers your core and he groans.

“Fuck, you’re soaked,” he whispers as if he’s talking to himself, expression softening for a moment before his dominating aura takes over his expression again “Are you that thirsty for some touch babe?” he says seductively as he grips you by the neck and toys with your clit in a slow manner

“Nghh,” you whimper, moving your hip to make more contact with his touch “Yesss there!”

His eyes lighten, loving the way you move in his control so he proceeds to stretch the lips of your pussy apart and thrust one finger in to retain a cry of pleasure from your lips.

“I guess Jungkook only cared about his own pleasure and left you needy huh?”

“Tae-”

“Yes,” he nods, yanking your head closer against himself and pressing his forehead against yours “Call my name.”

“Tae, please,” you beg, every nerve fibre in your body screaming for his attention

“Please what?” he asks, eyes glazing with anticipation for the next words to fall out of your lips

“I need more,” you roll your hip shamelessly on his finger, “please Tae, please fuck me.”

He smirks, lips curving into a crooked smile as he realizes he has you wrapped around his fingers “This was never about you babe, It was about my payback for being your muse and I haven’t even cum-”

“I know,” you hiss in frustration looking up at him “You can cum then,” you urge nodding your head “fuck me and you can cum in me.”

his pupils dilate at your lewd words, expression then immediately hardening as he presses his fingers tighter around your throat “Was that your plan with Jungkook?” he raises an eyebrow, tone almost sounding like he’s hurt “Were you gonna let him fuck his cum in you like you’re begging me now?”

you look back at him with guilty eyes, gaze wavering as you flashback to the memories of you and Jungkook in the bathroom cubicle. If it wasn’t for your friend’s unannounced presence, you probably would have got in the car with Jungkook and followed him to his place.

“You naughty little girl,” he murmurs, in a mixture of rage and teasing tone as he adds another finger inside you, starting to pace the way he finger fucks you while casually having a conversation with you “You had dirty plans in your mind didn’t you?” his hand then release your neck and travels down to give you a spank on your ass “answer me, babe.”

“Yes Daddy,” you nod, looking at him with needy eyes “I’ve been a bad girl, I’m sorry.” you fake a pout, using your last weapon to melt his walls down and to your surprise, it works on him.

“you know what happens to bad girls Y/N?” he asks, eyes curving into a teasing smirk, following your little act up with his own “do you wanna have a guess?”

“I d-dont know,” you reply simply, batting your lids innocently in response

“bad girls get punished by their Daddies,” he murmurs and he digs his knuckles in your pussy, hitting your sweet spot as a sloppy moan falls from your lips “what should I do with you, babe?”

you just moan in response, the intense pleasure from the way he cuts air to your throat and the fingers pressing against your g-spot making your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“Fuck, No Tae,” you whimper as he stops his action in your pussy and takes away his fingers immediately, the cum coated fingers travelling up to his lips as he tastes your juices casually against your needy eyes “Please, Tae dont stop.”

“Answer my question first,” he slips his finger out of his lips with a pop, eyes staying stern and hollow “What should I do with a cock tease like you?”

“Punish me, Daddy,” you murmur seductively, needy eyes piercing into his orbs as you whisper “Have your way with me the way you want.”

He inhales sharply, eyes lighting with a new rush of excitement as he eyes you carefully “Are you sure Y/N?” he furrows his eyebrows attentively “Are you sure you want this?”

“I’m sure,” you nod determined before smirking against his cheek “I’ve been very bad Daddy,” you whisper to ignite the fire in him “Why dont you teach your little whore a good lesson?”

“dont worry,” You feel his cock twitching against your thighs, a growl buzzing in his chest as he wraps his arms around your waist “I’ll teach you in a way you’ll never forget babe.”

“Get on your hands and knees,” he demands, keeping his eyes fixed on you carefully

You look at him for a few moments before turning around and settling into his requested position, keeping the weight of your body on your elbows and knees.

“Ass up for me,” he orders, hands gripping your ass and guiding it up against his body “I’m gonna give you 10 spanks as your punishment babe, if you take them well you’ll be rewarded after.”

You remain silent, considering the weight of his words when his hand grazes over your ass cheeks.

“I need to know if you’re fine with this Y/N,” he murmurs carefully, tone suddenly much lower and serious before blending into his act again “Do you want Daddy to punish you?”

“Y-Yes Daddy,” your voice trembles and he gives you hum of approval

*Smack*

The first impact comes to your flesh abruptly and your body stumbles forward on the mattress while a muffled moan rips through your lips. The delicious sting spreads over your ass cheek and you can feel the arousal dripping down the side of your inner thighs from pleasure.

“Do you know why you need this punishment?”

“Yes Daddy, I was a bad girl-Aaah*

*Smack*

"Right,” he mutters in approval “Bad girls need to be punished to learn their lesson. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

*Smack*

“Will be acting like a thirsty whore again, babe?”

“Never Dadd-Aaah!”

*Smack*

“Good, remember the pain next time you wanna get on your knees for another man’s cock like the filthy slut baby.”

“I will Daddy,” you whisper uncertain, the slight genuinity in his voice making you question whether all this is just an act or he is saying all those things seriously

*smack*

You whine as the pain starts to spreads in your body, your core dripping from the pleasurable sensation shooting in your nerves.

You would have never expected such ruthless treatment would turn you on but somehow being the receiving end of Taehyung’s seemingly cruel punishment was turning you on far more than you could ever imagine.

“Can you take more Babe?” he murmurs, hand gently touching the red marks spread on your bottom “you don’t have to-”

“No,” you voice out, sticking your ass up towards him “I can take it, Daddy, give me more please.”

He gulps, as his nervous hand raises up to come back down on your ass but he stops midway and instead leans in to spread gentle kisses on the red flesh of your ass cheek.

“Fuck, you’re so good for me babe,” he breathes out, plastering butterfly kisses on the abused flesh “So good for your Daddy.”

You jolt in surprise, feeling the gentle touch of his lips on your ass making you whimper from the soothing sensation. His lips then trace back to your core, parting your ass cheeks, the cold air making you shiver.

He plasters some gentle kisses on your inner thigh. He observes the dripping lips of your pussy, throbbing and red, inviting him to sink his cock between them.

“You were so good for me babe,” he murmurs as his fingers spread your pussy and stretch you ready for him, “I think It's time Daddy rewards you, babe.”

“Yessss,” your voice trails off weakly as your anticipation for your high finally seems to come to an end “Please Daddy, Please.”

He positions himself against your body and lines himself over your dripping cunt. Spreading your lips with two fingers, he palms himself before sliding it over your dripping entrance teasingly.

“Nghh, Daddy please,” you beg, losing your mind as your walls clench around air “please fuck me.”

“You want Daddy’s cock in your cute little pussy?” He teases with a smirk, enjoying the way your body moves in his accord

“Yes, Daddy Ye-AAAHH” you cry as he sinks his pulsing member deep inside your walls and your body trembles as he slowly moves his way in.

“Just like that baby,” he coos watching his length disappear inside you “I knew you’d take me well.”

“Taehyung,” you call out, hand reaching back with your hand to hold his thighs desperately “Fuck …. give me- give me a second …”

He immediately ceases his movement as he realizes you’re having difficulty with his size, your walls squeezing his cock tightly testing his self-control. He leans closer, careful to not push his length any further as he comes down in level with your ear and whispers

“We can stop if its too much babe,” he murmurs the reassuring words as he tucks your hair to the side carefully as he observes your painful expression

“No,” you shake your head, the sensation of your walls slowly accommodating to him setting your pleasure off to another delicious start “Just a moment, just-” you sharply inhale as he shifts slightly away “No, Tae, Please …” you turn around facing him as your hand comes to hold his chin against your shoulder “I can take it, Please.” You beg desperately

“I don’t want to hurt you!” He murmurs, words tinted by concern

“I know,” you flash a grimacing smile to him, hoping it would convince him “You can move now.”

“Are you sure?” He murmurs, nose digging deep in your neck as he murmurs ever so gently “I can always make you cum with my fingers-”

“No,” you groan in frustration as you move your hip back to him “Fuck me, please Tae, Fuck me!” you demand helplessly

“Alright,” he grunts, voice strained as he tries his best to control his urges to fuck senselessly into you “I’m gonna move now.”

He thrusts his hip forwards slowly, each movement of his hip parting your pussy further apart as your walls slowly adjust to his ginormous girth.

“F-Faster,” you breath out, hip bucking back to his thrusts “Faster Tae.”

“As you wish babe,” he fastens his pace, hip snapping against your walls in an insane pace, hitting every sweet spot in your walls.

“Yes, Yes,” you cry as you dig your head in the mattress, the muffled word echoing in the air “Right there!”

“You like it, babe?” He asks as your pleas flutter his ego, hand reaching forward to toy with your clit “You like me pounding your tight little cunt?”

“YES,” you cry, the bundle of nerves being toyed, shooting pleasure all around your veins “Its so fucking good,”

“You wanna cum on my cock?” he asks as he leans closer and presses his lips against your ear “You wanna cream Daddy’s cock babe?”

“YES YES,” you nod frantically “Please let me cum Tae!”

“Cum on my cock,” he urges, fingers flicking your clit at the same pace as his thrust in your pussy “Cum all over and make a mess babe.”

You scream your orgasm out as the pleasure takes over you, body withering and shaking with waves of pleasure under him. Your sensitive core burns with overstimulation as he continues to fuck through your orgasm, his thrust becoming sloppy and messier by each second.

“F-Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he warns as he presses your hip against his body “I’m gonna fill your tight cunt with my seeds.”

“YES,” you nod in approval, moving your hip to facilitate his thrust despite the burning sensitivity between your legs “Cum inside me Tae, fill my pussy please.”

He suddenly ceases his movement, drawing a whimper from your lips as he retracts his body and falls back sitting on the bed “I can’t,” he breathes out in a vulnerable tone.

You immediately turn your body around with bewildered expression covering your face “What’s wrong Tae?” You ask him in a dazed tone, not bearing with the immense craving to be filled by him

“I can’t Y/N,” he shakes his head, avoiding your eyes “I can’t do it,” he gulps nervously as he shifts away from you as if he is scared of touching your body again “I can’t continue this.”

“This was your idea,” you snap back, brushing your hair away from your face “You can’t just chicken out now. This was all about you getting your payback, for you to cum.”

“I’m s-sorry,” he hesitates as he grabs a blanket and wraps it around your body to cover your quickly, “I think I’m too drunk- No, I was too drunk when we came here-”

“Is it my body?” You ask in a quiet tone, voice weaker with embarrassment “Do I turn you off?”

His widened eyes travel to you, not believing your interpretation of his actions “What are you talking about?”

“I knew it,” you nod as you quickly cover your body with the blanket he wrapped you with “After all, you’re Kim Taehyung, you wouldn’t cum if your girl is not a Victoria’s Secret models.” you chuckle trying to mask your embarrassment

“You need to stop your bullshit,” he yells back as he raises on his knees in rage “it has nothing to do with that.”

“Then what is wrong with you?” You demand, leaning closer to him “Why do you play this game of push and pull Tae?” You ask, with furrowed eyebrows, anger taking over your words “why did you stop me from fucking Jungkook, only to bring me and make me fall on knees for you to just say you can’t cum with me here.”

“Stop fucking talk about him,” he yells back furiously as he cards his hair back from his face “I didn’t plan for things to turn this way. And I- ’m sorry if I messed up your plans with Jungkook.” he continues with venom in his words, as if he doesn’t really mean what he’s saying.

“Tae-”

You watch him with trembling gaze as he starts to build the walls between you, although the physical distance between your bodies is quite short.

“It was a mistake,” he declares looking at you sternly “I can’t just fuck you and pretend to be your best friend tomorrow,” he hesitates before looking away and forcing the words out “I’m gonna sleep in the guest room, you sleep here.”

You then watch as he gathers a few pieces of clothing before exiting the room you’re in, leaving you all alone with your thoughts there.

-

You wake up to a throbbing headache pounding on your temple, squirming on the bed sheet to sniff the familiar scent of Taehyung’s Giorgio Armani cologne you bought for his birthday.

You sigh as the memories of the night before flashes through your eyes, remembering how you fell asleep thinking of the guy abrupt leave after your scandalous time together. Somehow you wish that his warm embrace was what you woke up to instead of the scent of his cologne.

You scoot over the bed, tiptoeing your way to his drawer to grab an extra large shirt that can cover your body for now before leaving the room to find him.

You footsteps cease as you hear his deep voice reaching you from the living room, conversing with someone and from the lack of response you can tell he’s on the phone.

“Hyung, I understand,” he snaps in anger, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible “but you need to talk to dad about this, I’m really not sure if this will work,”

You drift closer, hating yourself for eavesdropping when he speaks up again

“I know who she is,” He suddenly grunts “Jung Seri, the daughter of JH Group, I’ve seen her in last year’s-”

You’re so focused on hearing his words that you dont realize the increase in the clarity as the voice gets closer to you until you see Taehyung standing at the door, staring at you with surprised eyes.

“Hyung,” he heaves, observing you carefully “I need to go, I’ll talk to you later.”

You stay still, gulping nervously as he disconnects the call and examines the situation for a few seconds before abruptly questioning “How long have you been listening?”

“N-Not long,” you quickly shake your head defensively “I’m sorry, I was gonna say I’m here-”

“What did you hear?” He interrupts anxiously

“Jung Seri,” you pronounce the name, trying your best to hide the slight jealousy that may drip out from your tone “The daughter of JH Group,” you bat your eyelids slowly as you mutter “Is she the girl you’re marrying?”

“I guess,” He shrugs, gaze trembling away from you

“Oh,” you breath out, stomach sinking at his simple response as you lose all the words you prepared earlier “Okay.”

“My dad wants me to!” he adds as he brings his gaze to you and observes your expression carefully

“I heard about their company,” you nod, blinking rapidly to fight the tears “they’re pretty rich.”

“Y-Yeah,” he nods, shoulders slumping down upon your words “They’re an affiliate of our company.”

“Your dad must like her a lot then,” your voice sounds far more bitter than you intend and Taehyung doesn’t fail to notice it

“he doesn’t care,” he responds uninterested “He just wants me to settle down and have kids,” he hesitates before continuing, “he says he’s getting old and he wants grandchildren before he dies and since I’m not contributing to the company I should at least make babies.”

Your heart suddenly drops at the thought of Taehyung having babies, imagining mini versions of him running around the house tugging at the strings of your heart knowing another girl would be sharing that happiness with him.

You suddenly feel a rush of anger through your body, the situation seeming unfair on your end. You were fine with being his best friend, with having only a platonic relationship with him for years.

But he had to go out of his way to change the way you perceive him, tangling you in this complicated tug of war between your feelings only to be declaring another girl will have his babies.

The complicated rush of emotions all surge through you and you find yourself blurting out the words carelessly.

“Then what about me?”

“W-What?”

“Why did you do all those things with me?” You ask defeated, fist clenching by your side “Why did you have to bring me over and fuck me over your sheets?”

“B-Because … I just thought- I mean, It was about the payback …” he explains nervously

“What does that make me then?” You snap back, tears threatening to roll down your cheek “I was your best friend, but after all of this I dont even know where I stand in this relationship …” you inhale sharply as your gaze wanders on his dazed expression before asking “Or you want me to be your side chick?”

“WHAT?” He asks bewildered by your sudden accusation

“Is that what this is about?” You ask as the sudden realization hits “You want to marry her, but you kind- kinda want to have me as your side chick, like friends with benefit-Aaah”

He cuts your sentence short as he grips your arms and presses you against the wall, his eyes tingling with rage and fiery.

“That’s all you see isn’t it?” He asks through gritted teeth “You look at me, and all you ever fucking see is a boy trying to play with girls…” he sighs "a fuckboy, isn’t it?“

"Can you blame me?” You ask, your eyes glazing with fresh tears “You ignore me for days, making me worried sick about you only for me to find you cumming deep in a girl’s throat in your VIP room,”

You press your hands against his chest, trying to create some distance “Then you fuck me on your bed, bringing me onto my knees only to tell me you’re marrying another girl in the morning who you’re probably going to fuck on the same sheets.”

“What do you want me to do?” He yells back furiously “My dad wants me to get married and the only girl I ever imagined a future with is dating someone else … So I’m trying to take it like a man and move on so I at least dont lose her friendship, ” he goes silent for a second before staring directly into your eyes “Can’t you fucking see I’m trying?”

You furrow your eyebrows, still trying to make sense of his words when he shoots the next question

“Are you serious about Jungkook?” He interrupts you as he looks at you with a serious expression, “Jeon Jungkook, I’m asking do you fucking like him?”

“W-What?” you furrow your eyebrows “Why is he coming into this-”

“Answer my question, how far did you guys go?” He asks “Do you like him?”

“No,” you simply shake your head, the train of questions he’s bombarding you with not allowing anything but raw truth seeping out your words

“Did you fuck him?” He asks before quickly adding “Other than the bathroom incident, how far did you go with him?” he asks again, face frowning at the mention of the infamous incidence

“Nothing,” you quickly stop him “We- It was just that-”

“Alright,” he nods, reassured by your responses “So I can still call dibs on you.”

“Call dibs on me?” You chuckle awkwardly at his choice of words not believing him “What am I? a candy?”

“ I like you Y/N,” he shots back in rage, eyes observing your lost expression.

Your reaction is exactly as he expected, eyebrows furrowing closer before your eyes widen in shock.

“Tae … W-What-”

“Right,” he nods panting heavy in anger “I like you so fucking much I couldn’t see you sucking that bastard’s dick, So I brought you back home to suck mine,” he scoffs at the irony of his words “I was jealous like a five years old, that’s why I need to know if you regret following me here and if you’re serious about him.”

“Tae,” you call for him, thoughts rushing to your brain at an insane speed “Y-You, seriously, You …”

Your voice trails off as you try to digest the words that come one after another, your attempts fail completely as your brain shots back a big error to you. Your thoughts are blank as you try and process the guy’s devastated look along with his previous words.

“I can’t even cum without imagining your face,” he exhales bringing his eyes to you “I’m fucking the "Victoria’s secret models”,“ he quotes you with a bitter tone "But all I can ever think about is you and your God damn face.”

“How long-” you ask with a dazed tone “Since when-”

“I dont even remember when it started,” he replies, head falling low as he tries to think “I believe it started when we started going to rehab,” he mutters eyes wandering as he reminisces the memories “I used to lay in bed, sore all over from my cravings for those pills and all I could ever think of was your face.”

You look at him, listening attentively to his words as you remember the days you used to go to his rehab sessions together. Back then he decided to quit his addictions to the recreational drugs he used to take with his rich friends and you promised to help him go through the process.

You never truly realized how deep he was attached to those pills and how much you neglected him until you followed him to his therapy sessions, watching him scream and tremble from his cravings for the drugs that gave him his highs before.

Deep inside you felt guilty for being so careless about what he did or who he hung out with while you were working your ass off to get recruited in a prestigious company.

So you made sure you’d be with him every step of his heart-wrenching battle with the addiction, ensuring you don’t regret neglecting your best friend ever again.

“It’s not my fault,” he snaps defensively as he presses your body against the wall “You were always there at my weakest,” He breathes out as he watches you carefully “I just wanted to close my eyes and die and you were on my bed forcing me to eat and drink into another day.”

“I-I’m …” you start, stumbling through the words “I didn’t know!”

“Of course you didn’t,” he scoffs with a bitter smile “I worked so fucking hard to hide it, sleeping with every God damn girl in this town to hide the fact that I want to bone my best friend every time she hugs me innocently like a friend.”

You sigh imagining how hard you were making it for him all these years, without even realising you might be torturing the guy with your overly affectionate behaviour, barging into his life and his personal space almost all the time.

“I’m sorry Ta-”

“Cut it,” he hisses eyes closing close “That’s exactly why I worked so hard, I dont wanna fucking hear you pity me for my feelings,” he clenches his jaw “I shouldn’t have started this, my jealousy about you and Jungkook got the best of me and I thought with my dick for a moment, I’m sorry-”

“No,” you quickly shake your head “I dont regret a thing about last night Tae. We both made a decision and we did it knowing fully what the consequences could be.”

He goes silent for a few seconds eyes lowering as his grip on your arms loosen and he stands passively against your body.

“Are you serious about what you said?” you ask with a defeated tone, letting emotions take control of your words “about having a future with me?”

He brings his wavering eyes to you, lips parting “All I ever wanted was to be with you Y/N,” he whispers “No matter how many girls came and left my life, It was always you.”

“Then let’s make babies,“ you blurt out, the words slipping your tongue before you even chew them properly

"You- You seriously …” his eyes widen in surprise “What?”

“I wanna be with you Tae,” you drift closer to him "and if this what it takes for your Dad to accept me, I will have your babies,” you then hesitate before biting the corner of your lips shyly and adding “even if he doesn’t, I’ll probably still have your babies.”

“Y/N,” he breaths out in disbelief “You want to be with me?” He asks, eyes about to pop out of socket from your sudden suggestion “Me?”

“Yes,” you nod determined “I dont think I have the confidence to let you go Tae,” you admit, heart trembling at the thought “I dont think I can trust any other woman to take care of you either. That day when your brother said you’ll be getting married, I felt like a piece of my heart was ripped right out of my chest. The only reason I said those horrible things was because I was lost and confused and didn't know how to deal with my feelings.”

His expression softens to a sweet smile, eyes glittering with joy for a few seconds before his mischievous aura takes over his features again. He leans closer to your ear with a smirk as he whispers

“You want to have babies huh?” he murmurs making your cheeks heat up from the suggestive words “and I thought your daddy kink was a surprise, Who would have known my baby has an impregnation kink?”

He then grabs your thighs firmly, picking you off the floor, legs automatically wrapping around his waist as he settles you on the wall “Since you asked so nicely,” he smirks as he hoists his hands around your torso “Daddy will give you babies.” He whispers before crashing his lips on yours.

[missblissy]

Title: Free Fall Fandom: Red Dead Redemption Genre: Reader-insert, one-shot  Character: Arthur X Reader

Follow me on AO3!! Read it there too!

Description:             You and Arthur go for a hunting trip into Big Valley but some trouble comes along for the ride too. Things don’t turn up as planned. At all..

It wasn’t all that bad this morning. The rain from the night before had finally started to dry, and everyone started to come out of hiding.

Hosea was already up long before you, sitting by the campfire of the Horseshoe Overlook camp. Pearson had just gotten up too along with Grimshaw. You walked over to Hosea and sat down beside him.

“Good morning,” He said, handing you a small cup of coffee he had waiting beside him.

“Morning,” Your voice was still a little rough, “Thanks,” You took the cup, bringing it right up to your nose and let the steam flow over your face. It was far more refreshing than the chilly wet morning.

You look at Hosea, he seemed worried like always. All this stress of moving and running from the law has turned his hair even whiter and put more wrinkles on his face. He wasn’t looking too good. Every morning though, at every camp, for the last several years, you’ve woken up to spend your morning coffee with the old man. He was the father you never got to have.

“Got any plans for today?” Hosea took a drink from his coffee then looked over to you.

“Mhm,” You weren’t much for words this early. You took a sip of the coffee and then shrugged, “I’m not sure yet... We just got here, it’s only been a couple of days. There is a lot of work to do around camp still.”

“Yes, there is,” He sounded tired, “Maybe you should go hunting. The weather is perfect,” All of a sudden there was a little twinkle shining in his eye, “Years ago...” He started his story with a little smile, “When I was out in this country with some old counterparts, we heard of this huge- I mean really huge buck, right in the heart of Big Valley.”

“Yeah? Did you go after it?” You sat up a little straighter trying to get the hunch out of your back. You saw Abigal and John already having some sort of argument.

Hosea laughed a little and shook his head, “Didn’t even see it. Spent a whole week out there. Not a single damn thing. Nothing. We had better luck hunting the flies that piled around our shit.”

You both laughed at that. Chuckling under your breath, you asked, “You think it’s still out there?”

“Maybe,” Hosea took a sip of his coffee, “I’m not entirely sure, but it’s possible it’s still out there,”

“What’s still out there?”

You nearly jumped out your skin and screamed like a little animal. Arthur was standing behind you two with a bowl of stew in his hands. He had the smallest smirk on his face. So small you could barely even see it. Your heart started to pick up and inside your head, you were spazzing out. But you calmed down from the surprise and cooly said, “Huge buck, up in Big Valley,”

“You don’t say?” Arthur looked interested. You tried your best not to look at him too much. Some days you just wanted to stare from dawn till dusk at that man. Rarely did you ever get the chance to. He was always off doing this and that, running around like a little pack mule for Dutch.

You looked between the two men, and listened as Hosea said, “Why don’t you two go hunting?” You didn’t say anything and just kept sipping at your coffee. Truth is... You and Arthur... Haven’t been getting along too well recently.

Since the whole Blackwater incident, since you saw Dutch... Do that.. do what he did to that girl, your faith in the gang, in Dutch, has been unshaken. Hosea was the only one you could stand to even be around because he was the only one here who knew any better than Dutch, but nobody listened to him much.

It was hard, having to see the small family you loved finally start falling apart. From the start, it had just been the five of you. Hosea, Dutch, Arthur, John and little you. You watched people come and go, many of them died, but it was always you guys.

The last time you spoke to Arthur though, was up in the mountains during the blizzard when he came back with Kieran. You fought over letting that poor guy go, but Arthur insisted on following Dutches orders, and you argued that Dutch wasn’t fit to lead this gang anymore. That was about a week ago. You haven’t spoken since.

There was silence for a bit, you didn’t want to answer or get your hopes up that Arthur would want to go on a hunting trip with you. You did miss him a lot. Arthur was by far one of your favorite people, probably the only person you’d die for. He was, to say the least, the man of your dreams. He was just so... wrapped around Dutch’s finger.

Finally, after a minute or two, Arthur said, “Sure,” and looked down at you. He trapped a finger on your head a few times, “You up for it?”

“Yeah, I suppose. A buck that big could feed the camp for a week,” You were actually very excited to go. It was so hard to keep all those emotions inside and keep your cool and laid back facade.

The three of your got up and started walking through camp. Hosea spoke up and walked between you and Arthur, “Excellent!” He seemed so happy to have the both of you -sort of- talking again, “You’ll need some supplies and I’ll let Dutch know you’ll be out,” Hosea handed you a small bag filled with who knows what he meant by ‘supplies.’

He rushed you off and left with a smile and a wave about how he was going to go read some book. The silence returned between you and Arthur and you felt the need to fill it.

You climbed up on your horse and got comfortable in your saddle, “You know which way we’re headed?” Arthur just let out a little grunt. That meant yes, “Take the lead then.” You said.

The ride, for the most part, was silent and little slow paced. You watched Arthur up front as he took his time to look at the world around him. He seemed just as tired as Hosea. You wanted to fill the void with between you and Arthur so you caught up and rode beside him.

The sun had just barely made it over the hills, the sky was a painting of red, pink, blue, orange and purple. It was beautiful. So you chose that to be the topic of your small talk, “A perfect sunrise, don’t you think?”

“It is,” He agreed, “Aren’t they your favorite?”

“Yeah, it is.” You felt a little smile twitch at your lips. He remembered... It made your heart swell in your chest and your brain scream. It was so difficult being around Arthur now. Since your fight with him, things have changed in a way you didn't think possible. The fight... you both said something that hurt and shouldn't have been said.

The real problem was the denial you were in about how you felt about Arthur. You loved him, honestly, that's what it was. You loved him more and more and every day you shoved those feelings down and told yourself I'm not good enough for him. He's had so many heartbreaks. He's not looking for love. While at the same time you also told yourself he didn't want someone like you. Someone stubborn, someone temperamental and someone who he probably saw more of as an annoying sibling and less of a romantic interest. You know what he wanted. He wanted Mary.

There was silence again. It was awful. It never bothered you until the fight. You use to sit with Arthur for hours on end, never speaking a word, just reading a book while he wilted a stick with his knife. You had to fill the silence, you wanted to talk to him. You wanted him to talk to you.

The sun was well and high into the sky now. You cleared your throat and said, "Do... You remember..." You paused to see if he was listening. You could tell he was because you saw the side of his face and ear facing you, "You remember that time when we were really young, and Hosea was teaching us how to hunt with a bow?"

"Oh yeah, I couldn't shoot an arrow worth nothin," There was a little smile on his face. You rode your horse up to match his speed.

There was a grin on your face and gave him a look, "But I could! I remember the look on Dutch and Hosea's face when I got a bullseye on my first try!"

You both chuckled, while Arthur said, "And John was being a little shit because he couldn't figure out how the hell to shoot an arrow," You remember that day fondly. 

"Dutch was so proud of us. He couldn't shut up about how his three kids were learning to hunt and shoot.... and kill," You said that last part with a little bit of regret. You've come to blame Dutch for making you the person you were. But you kept that part to yourself.

"He was. Hosea too," Arthur carried the conversation on, "They share whiskey with us for the first time too, didn't they?"

"Ha, they did!"

As the day went on and you rode on, you and Arthur shared memories of better times. Talking about the old days made you nostalgic in a bad way. It made you realize how much has changed, how much the world was changing. How much you wanted to go back in time and live there forever. Eventually, the ride came turned from open fields to trees and mountain paths. When you finally go to Big Valley you were greeted with huge meadows filled with flowers of all kinds. It was so amazing and beautiful as the flowers made waves of there own in the wind. It was like watching the water on a beach.

You chose a spot to make camp past the open fields and more into the trees. While you hitched the horses and took care of them, you watched from the corner of your eye as Arthur rolled some logs over and made a little fire pit. He was busy, so you tried to leave him be. You didn't want to force him to deal with you. While he was doing that, you started going through the bag of 'supplies' that Hosea gave you.

Sitting down on one of the logs, you until the little string holding the bag closed. You find some pretty basic things. Berries, oats, bait, can of coffee, some cans of beans... And.. Did...? Was that? Moonshine?

Really now? "That god damn bastard," You smile and mutter those words under your breath as you pull out not one, but two big bottles of moonshine.

You looked around for Arthur, wanting to tell him about this little surprise, and you find him a few feet away chopping logs in half. By... God. That was a sight to see. There he was, Arthur Morgan, in the afternoon sun. Sweating. Showing off his arms with his sleeves rolled up like that. You quickly looked away. There those feelings were again. Strong and loud. Your heart raced and you shook your head to push those thoughts away. Instead, you stared at your hands and thought... Just once you thought, what if... Arthur loved you back. It made your face heat up, it made your palms sweaty. You thought and thought and started to get scared because you knew you were only going to hurt yourself if you actually kept feeling those feelings.

"(Y/N)!"

"Huh!?" You sat up straight and looked up. Arthur was standing right in front of you, he must have been talking to you. Oh no... "What?"

"I said... What you got there?" You looked down at the moonshine he was pointing at.

"Oh... uh," You were still a little flustered from before and your brain was having a hard time catching up, "Um," You handed him one of the bottles, "Hosea must have packed it to celebrate maybe?"

Arthur cracked it open and sat down beside you on the log. You were so lost in your thoughts earlier that you didn't even notice that he had set up a tent and even got the fire going. You were surprised when Arthur started during the moonshine. He took a long swig and cringe as the alcohol burned down his throat.

When he handed the bottle to you, you asked, "Don't want to save it? You.. know... for later? After we get the buck?" He shook his head, "Why not?"

"We'll get the buck tomorrow," He said as you took a little sip of the moonshine. You waited for him to explain a little more but he never said anything.

“So..? Why did you come out here then?” You stared down at your fingers as you twisted them together. You set the moonshine down between the both of you.

Arthur just let out a little grunt and nodded his head side to side slowly, “I needed a break. From all of that.” He waved his hand in the air like you knew what he was trying to say.

It took you a few seconds but then you suddenly got, “You mean the camp?”

“Mhm,” Arthur was back to drinking more of the booze, “Everyone has been getting on my nerves lately, it’s ridiculous. I can’t stand those idiots.” He made a face that reminded you of just how much Arthur enjoys his silence and isolation from the vast majority of the world. He was a loner and a stubborn one too.

“Oh…” You said as he offered the moonshine to you and you turned it down, “Well I can…Leave.”

“Nah,” He drawled out, “I can stand you. It’s Micah… Bill. Uncle. A little bit of John too,” He paused then put the moonshine back and his face grew dark, “And Dutch.” You felt something in the air that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. You arm hairs stood up and you got a chill that ran over your skin. Arthur hunched forward resting his elbows on his knees and looked down at the ground. His hat was covering face for the most part.

He started to talk, but he got stuck on the words, “I… I know…” He stopped and cursed under his breath, “I know what you saw back in Blackwater changed you,” You didn’t really want to have this conversation right now. It bothered you that he was bringing this up again, “I know you’re not happy with the gang right now,” He took a breath and let out a heavy sigh that carried more weight than you could ever know, “And… I don’t blame you…”

His words surprised you. This was far different from the Arthur you argued with a week ago. He didn’t want to listen to you or even consider what happened in Blackwater. He blindly looked to Dutch and didn’t question his actions. Now it looks like Arthur was confused, even hurt a little.

“I’ve heard around from other people about what he did and I-” Arthurs words were cut off by the sound of gunfire incredibly close to your campsite. The both of you looked around quickly and into the trees. The evening sun painted the sky orange and white, making it a little harder to see if anyone was coming from the tree line.

The gunshots got closer and closer still and you could faintly hear shouting too. Arthur tapped your shoulder and pointed to the little creek down the hill, “Look,” You both found some cover behind a large boulder, “Someone’s being chased,”

You saw a man running for his life. He looked beat up, bloody and broken. He was screaming and stumbling every step he took. Following him close behind were a group of men on horseback.

“O’driscolls,” You muttered with malice in your voice, “Why are the O’driscolls up here too? How many of those bastards are there?”

“I don’t know, but it looks like they’re headed this way,” They killed the man they were chasing and started looting his body. You saw one of the men point in your direction. The fire! It was leaving a smoke trail for them to follow up and find you.

You looked at Arthur and he looked back to you. You shared some unspoken words and a simple nod. He ran left into the cover of some bushes and you went right and found a tree to hide behind. You pulled your revolver out and gripped the gun tight.

As the O’driscalls got closer you could hear them speaking.

“Ya think they still here?”

“They couldn’t have gotten too far,”

You peeked out and saw four men. They had walked past the bushes Arthur had hid himself in and closer to the tree you were at. The tallest O’driscoll said something about your horses and got yelled out, “We know ya still here! Come on out now or will kill ya nice and slow!”

This was it. You took a breath and calmed yourself down. You’ve done this before. No need to get nervous now. It’s just some O’driscolls, they’re nothing.

You walked out from behind your tree with your hands in the air, “I’m out!” You yelled at them. You took them by surprise and they all pointed their guns at you, “I’m out! I came out!” You slowly lowered your revolver down, “I don’t want any trouble now,”

“Well you got some trouble,” An ugly looking man pointed from you to your horses, “What about your friend? We know there are two of ya,”

“He’s hunting,” You lied coolly. Your revolver was still being lowered, “It’s just me. Take what you want,” The O’driscolls started lowering their guns too and walking closer towards you and your camp. As soon as your gun was by your side was when Arthur jumped from the bushes and gunfire cut the silence of the valley and gunsmoke filled the air.

It was an all out shoot out. You dove to the ground and took cover behind your tree while two of the O’driscolls ran off and the other two went for you. You shot at them, filling them with bullets, hoping they die slowly. Arthur had gone after the other two men while you shot down and killed the taller O’driscoll. The other one, the ugly one, was bleeding out but still hiding behind a log. He took random shots and one hit you and grazed right through your arm. You shouted out in pain and swore. You could see Arthur a few feet away beating the shit out of one of the men. He must have killed the other one.   

“Fuck! Argh!” It felt worse than it looked. There was a clean cut on your shoulder that already started to bleed, but other than that you were fine. You took a stupid risk, filled with rage and pissed out of your mind that this bastard actually nipped you, you ran out from behind your tree and straight for the O’driscoll. He didn’t even see you coming, he was busy shaking and trying to reload his gun. When he saw you, the look on his face was fear and he was crying. He started to plead with you, saying he didn’t want to do this and that hated his life as an outlaw. He even threw his gun to the side and put his hands up in the air.

Arthur had come running in and out of breath with his gun pointed at the little sad ugly man, “You gonna kill em?” He asked.

“Please! Please don’t kill me! I-I-I have… money! T-take it!” He tossed a few dollar bills onto the ground in front of your feet. You stared him down, getting closer. He was shaking like a leaf, “Look-look! You already shot me!” he did have a few bullet holes in his legs. One in his thigh and one below his knee.

“Looks like you’re already dead, don’t you think, Arthur?” You looked over to the stern man and he nodded his head.

“I’d reckon we should put him out of his misery,”

“N-no! No! Please! I-I-I-” The O’driscoll’s pleas were cut short. You shot him square between the eyes. You didn’t want to listen to him beg anymore and you’d rather get back to your campsite.

You reached down and hooked your arms under the dead man and started dragging him away, “Wanna help me get rid of the- Urgh! Shit!” You forgot you were shot and when you tried to lift the dead man your arm screamed out in hot pain.

Arthur came over and shuffled you away, “Go sit by the fire. I’ll take care of this,”

“No- I’m fine-” You tried picking up the body again but it hurt, even more, this time and it cause you to drop the body and fall with it too.

“Goddammit- Will you listen to me? You got shot for Christ's sake (Y/N)!” Arthur grabbed you by your good arm and helped you up. This was the first time you saw his face. He looked… worried? Upset? It was a mixture of many things but what stood out the most was how his brows were raised and knitted together and a sad little grimace was on his face. It was like he was the one in pain.

“I’ve been shot before,” You winced as he pulled you to your feet, “I’m fine, Arthur. It’s just a nip,” You looked to your shoulder and saw the blood stain soaking your shirt. It looked like you were still bleeding. Your sleeve was torn by the bullet so you pulled it back and gave the wound a real look. It didn’t seem that bad, just a medium-sized gash across your shoulder.

“Just go sit down, okay?”

You didn’t put up a fight anymore. You went to the campfire and sat down on a log. That moonshine looked really good right about now. You took your time swigging down have the bottle before Arthur came back. He sat down beside you an asked, “Can I see?” and gestured to your shoulder.

You nodded. He hesitated and his hand hovered over your shoulder like he was afraid of hurting you. He peeled back the clothes and started cutting the extras bits away. Arthur then reached into his satchel and pulled out some bandages.

The moonshine had started getting to your head so you found it a little funny, “You got everything in there, huh? Got any candy?”

He didn’t say anything but he went back into his satchel and gave you a chocolate bar. You burst out laughing, a little drunk, you found this absolutely hilarious. He gave you this look and raised a brow, “What on earth has gotten into you? And sit still dammit! I can’t fix you up if you keep moving,”

So you sat there drinking moonshine and chewing on some chocolate as Arthur took care of you. All those feelings you’ve been repressing started to come up again. You felt bad, guilty too. You easily feel down the trap that is the negative thoughts that can come with drinking. Arthur was almost done wrapping your shoulder when you made this sad little face.

“Arthur?” You were thinking about what he was saying earlier before the O’driscolls showed up.

“Yeah?” He didn’t look away from your arm, which was okay because you didn’t want him to catch you staring at him.

“I’m sorry…”

“Sorry?” He stopped and looked at you, to which you darted your gaze away and to the ground, “For what?”

“I’m sorry for what I said. About Dutch… and you…” You could still feel the venom and hate that you spat at him back then. You told him how Dutch was just... Not the same person anymore and how you wanted to leave the gang. That Dutch was going crazy with money and obsessed over power. You told Arthur he was a blind coward that couldn’t think for himself and depended on Dutch to keep him from becoming a sad and depressed old bag of useless shit… Just like his real father.

    You waited for him to say something, but he was silent. So you rushed to talk again, “I-I… I shouldn’t have said those things. And-... We didn’t talk for a whole week. I missed you so much, Arthur. It was just a week and I felt like I lost you forever. We’re different.”

    He finished bandaging your arm. He still stayed there sitting right beside you. You’re legs where touching and you stared at them as he started to speak, “Well,” he rubbed his chin, “I didn’t say anything nice either. I just really remember you saying you wanted to leave. I didn’t really get why. I didn’t see what Dutch did on that ferry but you did. And I was talking to Hosea, and John and everyone else. They all said things,” He paused and then shook his head, “I get it a little more now. You saw Dutch do something he said he’d never do. You saw the way he exploded and killed that woman. But I can’t have you leaving me just cause something bad happens.”

    You’re eyes shot wide open and you looked up at Arthur, “...Me?”

“I-... I mean the gang. Can’t have you leaving the gang,” He looked down at the bottle of moonshine and snatched it up from you with a grumpy looking frown on his face, “Gimme some of that.”

“You said! Me! You said ‘I can’t have you leaving me.’ That’s what you said!!” Your drunk little brain was going wild. Normally you’d sit there and keep your cool but thanks to the booze that wasn’t going to happen.

“Alright!” Arthur snapped, “I said it! So what?”

You stole the moonshine back from him to drink some more and get up to your feet, “It means you want me around!” You smiled. You felt so much better hearing that. You were so afraid before that he’d never want to be around you again.

“I guess it does,” He had a small smile twitching on his lips, “I do want you around (Y/N). You’ve been around me almost all my life, it’d be… weird if you weren’t there.”

The first bottle of moonshine was already empty, “I want you around too. I love having you around,” You felt yourself getting a little dizzy so you sat down again. Your filter wasn’t on either, the words just puked out of your mouth like it was nothing, “I love everything about you, Arthur. I never want you to leave you or leave you behind,” You said it so casually but it took Arthur by surprise.

He was looking at with question in his eyes, “What's wrong?” You asked, “Do I got something on my face?” You started rubbing the back of your hand across your mouth and cheek.

That weird look on Arthur’s face was replaced with a warm smile, then a little chuckle, then a laugh, then huge fits of loud and booming giggles. He was laughing so much that you couldn’t help but laugh at yourself. What was so funny?

Arthur cracked open the second moonshine bottle and took a large swig, “Goddammit, (Y/N). You make it so hard,” He said between sips of the bottle, “You are one of the only good things to ever happen to me and you make it so hard for me to stay away from you,” He took another sip, “I was mad. I was mad as hell about what you said last week. I wanted to stay mad at you forever. I stayed away. I did. It didn’t work. Every morning you came out of your tent all sad and heartbroken. It hurt seeing you like that. I saw you slouch around with Hosea, hiding behind him like some kid when your just as old as me,” Arthur chuckled and it made your heart skip, “But today I saw you… You didn’t look sad anymore. Just tried. Empty. I didn’t want to do that to you. I still don’t think you should leave. I don’t want you to leave. But I see it… I see that you aren’t happy here with us anymore.”

You were too drunk to really say anything meaningful. You did something bold and leaned onto Arthur and put your head on his shoulder. You weren’t one for touching others or being touched, but the moonshine was helping you do just the opposite, “I’m happy,” You mumbled, “I’m happy when I’m with you.” You could feel Arthur stiffen up at your touch and his breath hitched as you talked, “You take care good care of me. I wish we could have our own lives though,”

“How so?” He asked hesitantly.

“You know…” You were looking at the fire flicker and flash as it burned away the logs, “Just us. Our own people. We’d be normal. We’d have land, a home… maybe a dog.” Your repressed feelings and dreams started swelling up into your throat and spilling out, “Or we’d run away and go to California. Live in those red wood forests with the big trees were no one could ever find us. We don’t rob people, we don’t steal or kill. We don’t go looking for trouble and trouble doesn’t find us.”

“I wish you told me this sooner,” He sounded solemn, upset. You started to panic and look over at Arthur. Did you share too much? Did you just out your real feelings to him? Shit! Stupid! Stop drinking! This is why you don’t drink ever, not never, because you won’t shut up. You swore off the moonshine, cursing it for being a potent truth potion.

“I-I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that!” You hid your face behind your hands and felt the crazy blush take over. You suddenly felt a tight grip around both of your wrist and calloused hands pull them down and away from your face.

When you looked up, Arthur was right in front of you, face to face with a serious looking expression. You blushed even more and felt the need to jump away, he’s never been this close to your face before.

“Say it again,” He said. You were confused and you gaze flickered back and forth between him and that duck shaped cloud in the evening sunset, “Say how much you want me around. Say how much you want to run away with me.”

You finally looked at him and met his gaze. His eyes were locked hard onto you, searching and digging right into you. You cleared your throat and nervously said, “I… I want you around all the time. Forever. I’ve wanted to run away with you since we were kids.”

It happened so fast that you didn’t even register what was going on until it was almost over. Arthur had close the space between you both by bringing you to him and kissing you. Your heart was pounding so hard that you felt your skull throbbing. He pulled away before you even return the kiss, but there were only inches between you two.

“I’m sorry,” He started to back away, “I should have asked- I’ve.. it’s… too much moonshine-” But you grabbed him tight and pulled him back to face you.

“Do it again,” You said, just like he asked to say it again, you wanted him to do it. Not a second was wasted, Arthur scooted closer and closer until the two of you were pressed together and lip locked in a kiss that had been going on for about a minute now. He tasted like cigarettes and moonshine, not that that was a bad thing. It was almost comforting.

You were stuck together until you both needed to breathe again. Arthur had a big cheeky grin on his face, it was beyond adorable, “I’ve waited some many god damn years for that,” He confessed.

You matched his smile, though a little shyer, “Me too” you admitted, “What are we going to do for the rest of the night?” The sun had started to set a long time ago and the sky was growing darker and darker by the minute.

Arthur grabbed the moonshine again and grinned a little, “Finish this, first of all,” You made a little giggle at that. He then lifted up his arm and gave a little wave of his hand. You slid over and got comfortable so close to him as he wrapped his arm behind you, “Then, after that, we’ll see what happens,” You just couldn’t stop those smiles and giggles. He always brought out the good in you. It felt nice to finally be this close to him. To have those feelings be returned meant the world to you, it meant everything. You didn’t even plan on this happening and yet it did. Arthur would press kisses to your cheek and pull you over to steal even more. He was so starved of attention that he took it whenever he wanted. The two of you enjoyed the rest of the night by the campfire, laughing and drinking and starting a new chapter in your lives.

[karmanticmoved]

1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

no

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho

[rainbow-squirrels-7]

!!ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD!! Since I did it last year with Infinity War and now that I’ve seen Endgame twice here are my ramblings:

But before we begin apparently I accidentally predicted Endgame’s title during my IW ramblings and then completely forgot about it...

-so like that friggin beginning tho poor Clint like the entire movie. Agreeing with a favorite YouTube movie reviewer of mine, this was really Clint’s shining movie despite his uh- downward turn for a bit there -but on the bright side I’m glad his older kids’ names are canon now; like legit I thought those (Cooper and Lila) were made up by the fanfictioneers. Maybe they were and the writers were like ‘huh okay less work for us- yoink’ -then Nebula and Stark playing table football that was adorable. The shiny paper reminded me of that one Chris Hemsworth gif you know the one of him making a face at his reflection? -and heck yes Carol coming in hot to save the day what a legend -woohoo go get Thanos time -and he’s just in a frickin farm in a T-shirt (a T-SHIRT?!?) collecting some fruits and starting a new YouTube cooking channel -“what’s up half of the universe today we’re making weird bumpy fruit stew” -but heck yeah Thor cut off that guy’s head -and then just like whoa five years later. I usually can’t stand time jumps but it’s alright. It really gives a perspective of ‘yeah the world isn’t better with half its population. Everyone’s so sad’ -good job of Steve starting a therapy group tho even if he doesn’t take his own advice -I can’t believe a rat saved Scott talk about lucky -unless that rat was actually Loki -just sayin -and the bike kid: “wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy” -I forget how old Cassie was in Antman and the Wasp but +5 years to that I guess. She looks a bit too old to me but what do I know. I’m very glad she didn’t disappear though cuz I love Scott very much and I don’t want him to go through that -tbh Scott saved everyone cuz he had the time travel idea in the first place. I love an optimistic boy -UHBUHH I HAVENT TALKED ABOUT CAROL’S HAIRCUT YET UM HECK YEAH -it’s very good I’m very gay -anyway -I liked Nebula’s prominence in this movie she’s growing on me but of course it doesn’t take a lot on account of me loving robots (cyborgs?) so much -getting the band back together! -baby Morgan Stark/Potts was Very Good -ohmygod Thor -so chub -I was annoyed being without beefy Thor the first time, but rewatching it though I thought his Look was maybe not only reflecting his depression (cuz yeah) but maybe mythological Thor? Like I’m just throwing spaghetti at the wall but maybe in actual Norse myth Thor was (well, actually a redhead) that chub/beef combo but he did have the fluffier beard that MCU Thor had this time. Idk, like I said- spaghetti -Valkyrie’s back! Love her -they call her that though? Isn’t that what she is- like her job? Does she not have a name? Could have sworn it was Brunhilda or something -and Korg and the sharp bug guy are back too! Love them -friggin playing Fortnite -jokes aside though I do love that deep look into Thor’s guilt throughout the whole movie. Like he thought killing Thanos would just make everything better but it didn’t and just couldn’t deal and would rather drink to forget -Clint’s guilt was also interesting, like showing that ‘oh god he could really go there, he could get this bad given the circumstance’ -just Blade Runner-ing all around Tokyo -I haven’t seen Blade Runner but it has neon lights and rain right? -but yeah I do like the “the Snap took away good people and bad people but like it could have just took bad people and since it didn’t I’ll have to instead” -sad boy -he was very uh ‘Magnus rushes in’ if you will, during this movie. Not caring for a lot of it if he lived or died cuz he’d lost so much -god he was good in this movie -anyway -I also called the time travel:

-it still doesn’t completely make sense to me though? Like time travel is confusing enough but adding in a multiverse just makes it even more so -I loved the revisiting the old movies! -low key wanted an Age of Ultron revisit so we could have OMG we could have seen Pietro again -still on the #bringbackpietromaximoff train guys -but anyway we could have seen some good Wanda scenes and also my boy Vision again -but it did make more sense to get the three in NY at the same time -it was real cool to see the bald wizard lady (Minerva from TAZ Amnesty) defending the wizard building during 2012 Avengers- like that is so believable and now we can watch 2012 Avengers and be like “oh hey the wizards were there” -“that is America’s a**” I love how much Scott hero-worships Steve like we saw that in Civil War and yes it’s so funny and I love it its great -Steve vs Steve fight?? Great -“I can do this all day.” “Yeah yeah I know.” -And again, we can totally watch 2012 Avengers again and be like ‘yes meeting with Secretary Pierce and the other Shield guys- this is totally believable, it’s exactly what would have happened we just didn’t see it.’ -the elevator scene! I thought for sure Steve was gonna do the “now before we begin does anyone want to get out” but the “hail hydra” was just as good -“they’re hydra but we don’t know that yet” “they Look like bad guys!!” -and I guess Loki using the Tesseract to escape during that scene is setup for a... tv show? He’s gonna be wreaking havoc through time and space I guess?? Glad he’s back though -anyway revisiting more movies -friggin Guardians 1 -Quill singing Come and Get Your Love really badly cuz all we heard was the actual song and OhmyGOD that was hilarious -I’m glad Rhodey and Nebula got on a team cuz they can be prosthetic buddies -but did Nebula just not tell Clint and Nat that one of them would have to die for the Soul Stone? Or did they know and just not wanna talk about it till it came up? -TBH I though the ‘lose someone you love for the stone’ requirement would have been filled by both Clint and Nat already cuz Clint could have been like “um my dude do you even know how much I’ve lost already??” -apparently not though -Nat’s hair was great for the time travel parts I liked the red fade to white -though it was a sad and intense moment with Clint and Nat deciding who of them had to die it was also sweet cuz you can see how much they care for each other -and I was- well not glad but I really wanted Clint to see his family again -not that The Avengers weren’t his family -that friggin line “did she have family?” “Yeah. Us.” GOD -and then there’s that whole rigamarole with double Nebulas and oh Gamora’s back too -again time travel/the whole multiverse thing apparently doesn’t make sense to me so I’m just gonna gloss over it as much as I can until I can get more into it later -anyway the other time travel to the 1950s! -cool callback to Winter Soldier like you could see Zola going into the bunker -like So many people were there at the Camp Lehigh (idk if that’s how it’s spelled) like Everybody was there -good good moments with Tony and his dad -I thought it would have been cool for Tony to have given his dad the inspiration for his own name but oh well. Maybe that wouldn’t have even worked with time travel and all -Steve’s prank call to Hank Pym that was funny “um the box is glowing” -but oh geez the scene where Steve finds Peggy oh god when he goes in the room with her name on the door my roommate and I were watching it together the first time I saw it and both of us went “ohhhhhhh oh nooooooo” -cuz like that’s the first time he’s seen her since he went in the ice! Or at least seen her how he remembers and not old in Civil War hhhhhhhh GOD -I think seeing her there was a factor in his decision later but I’ll get to that later this is a long heck movie -oh and the OG human Jarvis showed up! I like him, I only saw season 1 of Peggy’s show but I remember liking him a lot -but yeah back to the present unless- well I’m sure I missed something -OH FRICK THOR’S BIT -I can’t Believe they went back to The Dark World -tbh I actually like The Dark World I think it’s a good movie but it’s not universally liked -callback to the scene with Loki tossing the cup in the air ahaha that one was always good -so if they had Rocket’s pokey device during that movie the whole plot of that movie could have been avoided? -anyway um Frigga?? What a queen. Literally -I loved “I was raised by witches I can see with more than my eyes” -she’s really what Thor needed there but god the “she dies today” poor boy -she’s so good though -I loved that ‘measure of a hero is being who you are not who you’re supposed to be’ Yes -and the “I’m still worthy!!!!” Thor needed a win -“eat a salad!” -Now back to the present -Stark-Tech can apparently channel Infinity Stones? And doesn’t need a special heart of a dying star and giant dwarfs to forge a special gauntlet um okay -“what do I have flowing through my veins right now?” “Cheese whiz?” -Bruce is so good though so strong I loved the “I was made for this” -so sweet when Laura called Clint! Yes! Everyone’s really back! -and double Nebula just Had to ruin everything tho -before I get into the final battle- I wonder how much of the time travel scenes were reused from old footage and how much was reshoots with the same actors/costumes/sets? -anyway -um rude blowing up the compound -and god the water scenes were so stressful the first time. Water/specifically-about-to-drown scenes always freak me out. Also trapped under ice and squished under something scenes -Clint finding the gauntlet and getting away from Thanos’ cronies! Every time anyone was running with the gauntlet all I could think of was that one goof from TAZ Balance in Petals to the Metal- Taako’s “Grab the Gauntlet and don’t look back” friggin

-also when Steve, Thor, and Tony all go to confront Thanos who is waiting for them, there’s a specific song playing in the background: https://youtu.be/H_9mnO_NOjk?t=120 (it starts at around 2:00) and you’ll hear this series of deep bell sounds? For the life of me- that specific sound sounds SO FAMILIAR and I can’t friggin place it. I can’t decide if it just reminds me of the Wind Dance song that plays in TAZ Balance whenever the Hunger shows up (which is fitting tbh)? Or if it sounds like some boss battle music that I can’t place? Maybe from Pokémon or Mystery Dungeon? I just can’t remember. It sounds real cool tho -but uh yeah UM -STEVE!! WORTHY!!!! -I mean we all be knowing but! -such a cool scene. I started clapping the first time I watched and others in the theatre joined in -not as cool as when Vision lifted the hammer but I’m biased -but things look dark at this point and I can’t remember if it’s at this part or one one next but there’s this real cool wide shot, this real nice tableau of Steve on a hill or something and this light behind him as he faces Thanos’ army and yeah it just looks real good. Like a good computer background I’d like to have or a poster -but yeah then! -“ON YOUR LEFT!” -Yay!!! Portals open and ‘oh yeah! Everyone’s back now! We have friends to help us fight!’ -gave me some good TAZ Balance episode 68 vibes. Could have called for a cool Lup-esque speech tho from Steve since he’s so good at that- “You see this? This is scary. But we can do this.” -EXCEPT -now we reach the part of my rambling where it turns into somewhat of a rant -because I’M annoyed but only for a specific reason that won’t affect the average moviegoer since Apparently not everyone’s a fan... -cuz Literally the only person who doesn’t show up -is my boy Vision -I mean Yes -I Know he was one of the people who died before Thanos snapped -but my hopes were Way Way Up that he’d come back somehow -and UHHH APPARENTLY I WILL JUST HAVE TO BE DISAPPOINTED -everyone Else came back??? Why not my boy?? -he wasn’t even mentioned despite being So Important in IW -except vaguely when Wanda pulled a real Taako in Balance episode 67 “You f**king took everything from me!!!” -she could have took out Thanos on her own for sure like he had to call in the big guns just to stop her from doing just that -strongest Avenger heck yeah -and Carol came too! -friggin Star Wars Episode 8-ing up in here shooting through Thanos’ spaceship that was So Cool -and the Girl Squad! Girl Squad! part!!!! Yes!!!!! So good!!! Protec small Peter! -somewhere, Nat smiled -Spider-Man’s instakill that was great -I loved the ‘pass the gauntlet’ part though -when Clint handed it off to T’Challa, T’Challa called his name and that was good cuz callback to Civil War when Clint said “we haven’t met yet. I’m Clint.” And T’Challa was like “I don’t care”. He does care now! Lol! -Carol just friggin Beast mode Thanos can’t even touch her he had to pluck the Power Stone from the gauntlet to even knock her back! We stan! A legend! -and oof Tony to Stephen Strange “14 million and one we win? Is this it?” “If I tell you it won’t be” -cuz oof -it really was a good ending for Tony though -he started it all way friggin back in 2008 -and the “I am Iron Man” Yes -and also I think it was in Age of Ultron that part when Tony was talking to Fury and it was like “I saw them all dead and that wasn’t even the worst of it” “the worst was that you didn’t” -so it’s very fitting and so so good -lining up with and going against Howard’s earlier “the greater good rarely outweighed my personal interest” and proving that Tony really was so heroic -so like it’s sad but it’s fitting and not like an unsatisfying end for his character -and it’s not like he won’t be friggin mentioned ever again or anything he’s friggin Iron Man he’s already in the new Spider-Man trailer -(no shade at all in the ‘not begin mentioned at all’ category...) -anyway oh wait -oh god Peter Parker tear my heart out again sad boy he’s so good at making us sad when he’s sad about Tony -yeah anyway again -loved the “proof that Tony Stark has a heart” disc from the first movie that was good -oh and so like the camera is moving through all the different groups of people on the dock and moving towards the house -(just an interlude but CAROL IN A SUIT UM YES) -there’s a shot of some random kid! And I didn’t know who it was until I was leaving the theatre and another guy heard me and my dad talking and he told us! It’s the kid from Iron Man 3! Now That was a nice throwback -but yeah then it gets into the I guess TAZ Balance Rebuilding Year-esque scenes -which were all Very good! Good family scenes; Hope and Scott and Cassie, and T’Challa and Shuri and their mom, and that scene with Wanda and Clint was very good BUT -would it have been So Hard to do just a small scene of maybe somewhere in Wakanda like Shuri helping to rebuild Vision with all that vibranium while Wanda was there watching? Maybe even from his old body?? Would that have been so hard?? Just Something to give me hope?? -why are all these movies So Against Wanda being happy??? -but yeah almost to the end -more time travel with Steve going to return the stones! I’m glad Sam and Bucky got more lines I love them both -but what I really loved was that Steve got his Magnus ending -not in a “how does Magnus die” way but a “how does Steve live” way -love me a good happy ending esp if it involves dancing like that’s All he wanted -like I said earlier, I think just seeing Peggy again was enough for Steve to be like ‘oh it doesn’t matter if I can’t live without war action (a la what Ultron said in AoU) i do really want that life with Peggy and I can do that now’ -it was just Good -but it does raise a few time travel questions -like if Our Steve went back to the 1940s (he did go to the 40s right?) does that mean that there’s another Steve still stuck in the ice? I would say there can only be one Steve at a time but that was proven wrong in the very same movie. There’s gonna be something to do with multiverse in the next Spider-Man which will of course just make everything all the more confusing but still... I guess if I don’t think about it too much it’s not such a big deal -it was also very fitting that there weren’t any after credits scenes. It reminded me of the end of TAZ Balance with the announcer (Junior) not announcing the final episode since he said in 68 that we’d have to see what happens in the last one together. Idk but I liked that -and I liked the signatures of all the OG avengers! That was like them signing off on this huge thing they did, which is really what happened! This huge friggin 12 year thing! -wait was that what the 12 meant all along?? The 12%, the 12 minuets? We may never know -but anyway back to the most important part to me -my boy Vision

-I was so naive  

-like I’ve been told there’s gonna be a tv show or something but like -come on -you could have given me Something -I feel like Griffin in the Fallout 4 Monster Factory after Roachie despawned “nothing?!? You leave me nothing!?!” -so like all in all it was a good movie a Really Good movie I liked it a lot -that Time Heist- I love time travel plots. I already had some of my next DND campaign planned with time travel being a big part- I hope my players don’t think I’m stealing lol -it was very enjoyable and so so good to wrap up this huge thing and put a bow on this story arc. Which I guess can open the door for experimentation now? Which would be kinda cool -Scarlet Witch movie maybe and my dreams can come true??? I can be happy??? Please -I just- one little scene could have left me less disappointed and given me just a little hope but anyone who’s not in the ScarletVision boat will not be disappointed by this movie (cuz the deaths [Tony and Nat] are heroic and satisfying to me, so I’m not not satisfied by that) -it wasn’t Their movie but still. Let me complain -It really was really good though -And I guess I only get motivated to write fanfic like once a year (or whenever new ScarletVision content is in a movie though um the Vision part of that was uh nonexistent) so like my Complements fanfic is in the process of growing a fourth part so look out for that I guess -and if you’re still here reader, I hope you enjoyed my long long ramblings

-and in conclusion:

[lovebunnie]

Do them all nerd

1. meaning behind my url?

- i like venom and symbrock (veddie) is good

2. a pisture of me

- people get creepy with pics of me (plus u know what i look like already) so have uh this?

i look like this

3. how many tattoos do i have and what do they look like?

- i dont have any (yet) but i really love tattoo culture

4. last time i cried and why

- i was looking at cats that needed to be adopted online and they all are….. so cuuute

5. piercings i have

- i dont have any :p

6. favorite band?

- gorillaz 

7. buggest turn offs

- if you make rude jokes ill immediately be annoyed with you (twitch humor)

8. top 5 (insert item)

- well since u didnt do it ill do top 5.. numbers..

420, 69, 666, 0, 👌

9. tattoos i want

- i want some roses, maybe some song lyrics and some special pieces drawn by the artist because i love artists expressing themselves

10. biggest turn ons

- im babby but also hand holding

11. age?

- im 18

12. ideas of a perfect date

- ive said before that i want my first date to be to a build a bear because thats CUTE we make bears for each other

13. life goal?

- i want to one day give a ted talk

14. piercings i want

- not really what i want but i actually really love gauges and septums because im gay and goth

15. relationship status?

- absolutely not dating anyone and pining over like 5 people

16. favorite movie?

- dead poets society

17. a fact about my life

- i had a half brother i didnt know was a half brother until i was 15 years old lmao

18. phobia?

- throwing up

19. middle name?

- it starts with an ‘m’ but thats all ill say

20. height?

- i havent gotten measured since like 8th grade so last time i checked i was 5 2 but honestly i dont know

21. are u a virgin?

- have u seen me and my content? of course i am

22. whats your shoe size?

- 7.5 or 8 depending on the brand

23. whats your sexual orientation?

- im bisexual :3

24. do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?

- no because im not cool enough to get them and also my family is full of addicts so if i start itll most likely kill me

25. someone you miss?

- every single person i met at camp (ian and rivers and connor and jared but theyre the ones i have tumblrs from) i love them dearly and i cant wait until the summer to see them again

26. whats one thing you regret?

- i wish i did more theater because i honestly really enjoy it

27. first celebrity you think of when someone says attractive?

- jake gyllenhaal (followed closely by hugh dancy and megan fox)

28. favorite ice cream?

- turkey hill mint chocolate chip

29. one insecurity?

- my face looks like a pizza i have such nasty skin

30. what my last text message says

- fun fact but if u know me youll know im the absolute worst at responding to messages, i didnt text my grandma back so much my dad threatened to throw my phone in a ‘fucking lake’ (his words) but anyway it was to my friend seb and it said “yeah just me being a pretentious fool as usual” talking about my twitter

31. have you ever taken a picture naked?

- absolutely NOT lmao who would i send it to my english class gc?

32. have you ever painted your room?

- my old room in maryland yeah, we painted it light blue

33. have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

- i havent had my first kiss yet whoops

34. have you ever slept naked?

- HELL NO my cat steps on me in my sleep

35. have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

- literally everyday it makes me really happy and its fun and im not apologizing

36. have you ever had a crush?

- i dont think ive ever not had a crush like deadass

37. have you ever been dumped?

- no ive only really dated one person

38. have you ever stole money from a friend?

- no all my friends are broke like me we suffer together like champs

39. have you ever gotten into a car with people you just met?

- god fucking NEVER all my closest friends live away from me and are gay so none of us can drive (yet. connor is getting there) but yeah no i dont even trust my brother to drive me

40. have you ever been in a fist fight?

- no but id win because my muscles are so huge

41. have you ever snuck out of your house?

- no i live in the middle of no where. i could walk to food loin or burger king if i wanted to but i dont. so no. im asleep at 8:30

42. have you ever had feelings for someone who didnt feel them back?

- literally all the time, i like people who will never like me back

43. have you ever been arrested?

- no im a rule follower

44. have you ever made out with a stranger?

- see question #33

45. have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

- like in secret? no. but as friends? yes.

46. have you ever left your house without telling your parents?

- accidentally yes and when they tell me they were worried i cry in shame

47. have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?

- i think back in elementary school i had a crush on a neighbor boy. he was a lax bro and i think liked me back even if i was 2 years older than him

48. have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?

- no and actually, last year i had gone the whole time without missing a single day so my mom and i went into the city and i asked to go home to finish homework and my mom called me a nerd :(

49. have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?

- that has never come out, no

50. have you ever seen someone die?

- ive been watching our country die for years

okay im only doing half because im literally falling asleep i might finish the other half if u want me to

[shinxchu]

I try to keep this blog positive, because thats what i want it to be.

But my wife is sleeping next to me. And I need to talk about my life

Trigger warning for: csa, child abuse, child neglect, bullying, ableism, incest, rape, violence, drugs, and attempted suicide.

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vp/> I was brought into this world by two broken people. I was brought into this world autistic, without anyone telling me i was until i was 18 and found it out myself. My mom smoked, drank and did weed during her pregnancy.

When i was young, and my parents still married, i barely saw my mom because she had to work every day to keep us fed while my dad bummed around and got us into more debt. My dad didnt bring me to kindergarten on time ever. He wanted to keep sleeping. I had no friends in kindergarten. When I entered gradeschool, people started bullying me, including my homeroom teacher.

I was weird. I wouldnt sit still. I wasnt interest in the same things the other girls were. I wasnt a girl. Im not a woman. I was different. And what is different needs to be snuffed out. I was beat up, spit on, ridiculed, isolated. My dad "helped" me with my homework. All he did was scream.

When i was 8 my parents divorced. I stayed with my mom. Things looked up. I got behavioral therapy and my mom found a new boyfriend who made her happy. A week before my 10th birthday my dad kidnapped me. He took me to my grandma and left me there. My aunt told me my mom never wanted me. I didnt sleep that week. He took me back on my 10th birthday, tired and traumatized.

When my parents divorced i thought life would get better. It got worse. My entire childhood, my parents smoked weed. Most of my memories before they divorced ate of empty halls, my room and closed doors. When my parents divorced, my mom promised me there would be no more closed doors. She lied.

I entered middleschool, hoping for a fresh start. The bullying was even worse there. School was a living nightmare. I got ridiculed, beat up and excluded. The teachers blamed me and did nothing.

When i was 11, a boy who was basically a big brother to me used my admiration for him. He raped me. It took me 8 years to admit its what he did. But he did it. He raped me. Several times. And that is something i have to live with.

By the age of 12 i was actively suicidal. I wanted to die.

I was scared, and frustrated, and traumatised, and lonely. I thought i could confide in my mom. I was wrong.

My mom did not have a hood life either. She was traumatized and depressed. She abused and neglected me.

The first time i feared for my life,i was in the car with my mom. She had to pick me up from a camping trip in her 2 hour lunch break of a 12 hour work day. She drove over the speed limit. Forced smile. Clenched teeth. Wide eyes fixed on the road. An unsettling grimace i came to see many times after. I can picture it perfectly in my head even now. It still makes me flinch.

When i wanted to talk to my mom about my issues it always went the same way. I would talk about my issues.she wouldlisten for a while. She would cry and get up. Sit on the ground in the kitchen, rocking back and forth, rambling that she is a horrible mother, the worst. Shed bang her head against the wall. Id comfort her.

Sometimes, she would take a knife, or speed the car and say that if life was so bad maybe she should just kill us both. I learned to fear for my life. I learned to lie. I learned to keep to myself. To lock up my feelings.

I learned there was no one for me to rely on.

I was a good kid. I was a quiet kid. I was a smart kid.

I was a lazy kid. A spoiled kid. A messy kid. A clingy kid. A troublesome kid.

I was a disabled kid.

I was a kid raised by closed doors. A kid who was scolded for not knowing how to do things i was never taught. I was a kid with no one to cry to.

I was a kid.

When i was 14, a boy i considered a friend tried to rape me. I pulled 2 knives on him and he ran.

When i was 17 a boy from my class punched me in the back of the head. I had head trauma. And my teacher said a sentence that still hangs in my head today.

"You know it is kind of your fault he hit you, you are weird after all."

She made me apologize to the person who injured me without a reason.

I survived highschool. I went to college. I was no longer bullied. Things got better. I did not.

On a warm spribg day i came home early. I found my mother who had attempted suicide. I called an ambulence. She said she didnt want me to find her. She got help. She got better. I didnt.

I got diagnosed with autism at 18 years old. For the first time things made sense. I made sense. I wasnt bad. I wasnt weird. I was autistic.

When i was 19 my best friend for the past four years confessed that she loved me. And i loved her too. We started a long distant relationship. I lived in germany, she lived in sweden.

That year i visited her over newyears. And the first time i saw her in the airport. The first time she held me. It was the first time in my life i felt complete. She proposed to me on new years. I said yes.

The day i came back to germany i realized that it wasnt my home. My home was in sweden. With her.

I moved 2 months later, and i havent looked back since.

It has almost been a year since i first came here. It is now 2 am. And my wife is sleeping next to me. And my cat is purring in my lap. And I'm alive. Because of her.

Life got better. And so did I. <p/>

[thegeminisage]

And Now I Finally Leave This Fucking Plateau

but first im gonna go back to the old mans house one last time to check his diary ;_;

everything else below the cut in case of actual spoilers

on another note i LOVE how fast i can go with the paraglider like #nice

NOOOO HIS CAMPFIRE IS OUT AND HE LEFT A MESSAGE FOR ME AND A PEPPER ON THE TABLE

IM GONNA CRY JESUS CHRIST

man i wonder if that giant stone thing that chased me used to be a jaeger

(i love this in the legend of zelda i have a smartphone and there are jaegers lmao)

well anyway off i go i guess

i can see the bridge and the pin marks it as in the next little section im supposed to visit so im gonna go check it out since my heart hasn’t ached enough yet

oh my god there’s a giant bokoblin down here...oh my god

IS that a bokoblin...? it looks like a reindeer or smth lol

oh wait is it a MOBLIN?? oh my god!!!! hey dude!!!!!!!!

dude. dude. i hyped myself up to fight. i drank my ONLY atk up potion. and i killed him in one hit with a bomb arrow?? that was my OPENER, dude!! fucking weak

oh hey there’s another one

WOW ONE HIT TAKES TWO OF MY THREE HEARTS LMAO

AND IM OUT OF BOMB ARROWS

good news heres the fucking fight i wanted!!! im gonna DIE, but

ok no i threw my sword at him. broke the sword killed the moblin got a sick club instead. #nice

oh my god there’s some people fighting bokoblins!!! real people!!!!!! i will help them!!!

lmao this is not even close to where i meant to go i saw the moblin and got sidetracked

aw their names are mils and mina they gave me an elixir...and left.......

im lonely :|

like in every other game you get a companion right away that then leaves you at the end...in this game the closest thing i got was the old man and he’s already gone

....back to the bridge im going the wrongest of all possible ways

god theres so many ANIMALS out here. i could hunt for days

already killed a fox a deer and another boar

and like. i feel kinda bad. but. the Meat

haha wow all the rusted weapons stuck in the ground...wow...wow

now thats environmental storytelling jesus fucking christ

huh i finally got a rupee...i forgot those were even a thing

OH NO ANOTHER BIG STONE THING??? WHY????

it killed me in ONE HIT oh my god

apparently keese swarms are a thing, which is actually great, i’d love to fight all of them, but i only snagged two or three before they flew away like little pansies

dude i think im at lake hyrule its under the bridge and i got fucked up by an octorok 

OMG OMG OMG OMG IT’S RAINING!!!!!!!! O M G

i have died four times to this ONE bokoblin camp bc this blue dude has a killer sword...im getting it no matter what.

five

six

YES!!!!!!! HAHHA EAT ME AND MORE IMPORTANTLY MY BOMB ARROWS

ooh and now i have ICE arrows...worth it

but i can’t find that sword :/

aaah here it is

ohhhh man. and here at last is eldin bridge

“bridge of hylia” bitch i know what bridge it fucking is

i’ll just cross it once. then back to the story

oh. there are lizalfos.

THEY ALWAYS FUCKING DODGE i will probably die and not be able to cross (: 

yep i died

ok another day then im tired of fighting and dying a lot i wanna explore or story but i don’t wanna keep dying sorry bridge ):

HANG GLIDE INTO LAKE HYLIA bet i won’t have the stamina to get to the edge

holy FUCK i landed in a ring of lily pads and!!! there is!!! a korok here!!!! oh my god!!!!!!!!

hestu...who is hestu

fucked up an octorok

and a goat

oooh i found an underwater village ruins...like im so sad but also it’s so cool

and EXACTLY like that one place in da:i

UH? THE MUSIC CHANGED AND THE MOON IS BLOOD RED THIS WAS NOT IN DA:I AND I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR FREAKY MOON SHIT IN THIS GAME

WHY IS THE SKY AND MUSIC DOING THAT IM SCARED IM GENUINELY SCARED MY HEART IS POUNDING WHAT THE FUCK

OH GOD

OH JESUS I JUST LOST FIFTY YEARS OFF MY LIFE

oh my god okay it wasnt the village it was just a thing that happens now and then

the Blood Moon which revives all the monsters you’ve killed. great. wonderful

can’t go any further bc of lizalfos...tbh i dont need to be exploring this much & right here anyway i REALLY wanna get to kakariko before bed

i found a cooking pot and thought of the old man ))):

hey and there’s a person on this bridge! and a shrine here too...good thing i backtracked

fff ive been playing so long my game pad ran out of battery....and i dont remember how to charge it aside from leaving it on the little station, but you can’t hold it up very well like that........

wow i cant actually Do anything in this shrine...seems i am missing a rune, it doesn’t just give me one

oooomg its stormin omg omg <3<3

LIGHTNING? JUST STRUCK? THE GROUND IN FRONT OF ME????

I DID NOT KNOW IT COULD DO THAT HOLY FUCK

oh my god...oh my god

omg and my weapons in the menu are sparking, the metal ones...i gotta use a wooden one omg

I GOT HIT ANYWAY??? AND DIED?? WHY????? oh my god

if only i could wait out the storm by the old mans fire ;_; i could make my own i suppose but its not the same and i hate to waste fire arrows/flint

i took shelter in the shrine instead and now im watchin the storm while the game pad charges :’)

omg there’s an octorok over here...but in the ground instead of water!!! dude

or maybe it’s a weird kind of deku scrub hahaha

nope it was tentacle-y and gave me octo balloons it was definitely an octorok...i wonder if dekus are even in this game i fuckin hope so

theres a tower over there and i wanna Climb It And Get A Map geez

my game pad keeps running out of battery lol is it trying to tell me to go to bed

you’re weak game pad i’m not going to bed until i find a human settlement tough fucking luck

this post is getting SUPER long but i don’t wanna cut it off bc the next one will be super short bc i KNOW im almost there......

aw hey a sunshower :3

time to put my smartphone on the tower

ah this one was much calmer than the last one

ohhhh finally...a proper map Yes Yes Yes Thank You Nayru Din & Farore

ooh and a new rune

this river is apparently named squabble river which is apt bc thats all i did trying to fucking get across it

Why Do I Never Have Any Arrows

i’m not sure where to go next like i feel obligated to explore those areas i didnt get to yet but also i wanna see other people............

oh i found a merchant! damn food sells for a pretty penny rupee

ok yeah no im obviously gonna be playing until ddawn no need to kid ourselves. cutting this off here

also i havent been on my dash in hours i’ve been writing the posts without looking at tumblr at all i’m sorry i haven’t replied to anyone else’s liveblogs ;_; i just can’t tear myself away from this long enough to catch up on my dash!!!!

[survivorwakea]

Episode 4: “WHO MADE THE FUCKING ALLIANCE?” -Chloe

We just won another challenge here on Huamea which is lit. I think we are going to swap soon, but if not and we go to tribal with this tribe I think I’ll be fine. I’m still set up with randy Elmo and Ian well, and I think we could successfully target Joey if needed

Well another sit out for me but I’d say it was a good decision. We got 1st place and I don’t think I would have been the most helpful in this one. Really appreciate my tribe mates for coming through tho. Now I’m just wondering if there is going to be a swap. If there isn’t then we have to sit out three people on the tribe. Aka sitting out pretty much everyone who did the last one. As per usual, I’m very busy this week. Hoping I can find enough time to help in the challenge so that we can win or at least not come in last. I still have no alliances...but I think that’s okay for now. I think I’m in a good place with Jared and Elmo. We had each other’s backs if we went to tribal after the music video but we didn’t have to go. Joey also told me before results that he wouldn’t vote for me if we lost. Hoping that these promises or positive thoughts will continue farther into the game. At least until we get to jury. I also want to publicly own up to the fact that I still don’t know how the idol system works and I just don’t have the energy for it. So I’m just gonna pretend it doesn’t exist. Yep. That’ll do.

I was going to do a video confessional, but I high key got lazy and dont have too much to say

we won again which is great. I truly do feel like I kinda carried the team in a challenge I wasn't that great at, but it was really an all around effort and I'm glad we stayed.

I really do think I am in everybody's top 1-2 on this tribe except for the potential of Zack as well, but I like him a lot so I wouldn't want to see him go.

Nothing makes me want to win like when I have a tribe full of people I genuinely like. If I can help it, i really want to get to the merge without having lost another challenge due to my lost vote that I still haven't had to use yet, so I need those to be as spread a part as possible, and I don't want people to suspect me

those are kinda my only thoughts for now. hoping we don't swap until 14 and we get another round in these tribes, then a swap at 14 and merge at 12 (since my legacy advantage basically tells us we're merging at 12)

justin said he feels like a double might be happening sometime soon, but I'm not so sure about that just because of cullan getting expelled, and I feel the hosts would now elongate it a bit, but we'll see

im chillin for now

anna is ab to check confessionals and i can’t remember if i made one so this is my confessional.... johnny is rly nice to me and it scares me bc what if he is PLAYING ME.... and zack is also rly nice to me and that scares me TOO.... justin don’t fuckin talk to me and bodhi and asya barely do..... u know what 15th looks kinda cute rn bc i think that’s my destiny..... we floppin 🤪

Well, it’s still pretty quiet over at the Haumea camp. My tribemates kicked ass at the immunity challenge (sometimes, it pays to submit early), and I’m still getting along with everyone very well. I have suspicions that we could be switched up again next round, but hey, what do I know?

not much game development, im still attempting to keep my connections afloat in my tribe, i think ive now talked game with everyone and generally im in a rly good position, i dont wanna get too cocky bc that could lead to my downfall. I think that after this round we could potentially swap again to 2 tribes of 8. That would be kinda wild and I'm here for it

sry for a short one

I don't know if I should be sad, disappointed, angry, or all of the above. Losing this challenge was rough, and it's pretty evident the majority of the effort came from Adam, next would be myself. Clohie and Tom put little to no effort in the challenge. As stated before Tom's approach to the game has been pretty lackadaisical. He has hardly put any effort into not only the challenges but just his day to day interactions with the castaways. When I wanted to form the alliance with him and Clohie, he didn't relay the information to Clohie. And when Clohie indirectly asked him he didn't even acknowledge the possible alliance then either. I guess what I'm saying is...I want Tom out! Since this swap I have had my best relationship in Clohie, I like Adam, but I can tell he's a smart guy...so I'll keep him at a distance for now. I really do want to try and get Tom out though as a test of Clohie's loyalty to see if she would vote out one of her own. I think I have put myself in the situation where everyone feels comfortable with me moving forward, so I don't foresee my name being written down but I could be wrong, it is Survivor after all. I'm assuming we're coming to another swap, I just hope I'll have allies going into it, and if not allies, challenge beasts please. 3 out of 4 tribals isn't a good look😬 And can we talk about the idol system, all I have to say is: I HATE ALL OF YOU (to whoever helped put it together) G'Day.

Haha idk what the fuck is happening right now. So Tom can go and talk about our alliance with Taylor, with Adam. But still hasn’t mentioned it to me? Ok 🙃 I could easily vote Tom out here but idk I feel like he’s loyal? Maybe?? But then again I know him more than Adam and Taylor and that’s maybe why I wanna keep him even if I know he’s probably trying to fuck me over rn

hiii! this round went so quick?? idk it just zoomed by in my opinion haha. listen.. we won immunity and i’m grateful. another week safe with my idol so i’m just getting closer and closer to merge. i’m hoping for a swap soon and i’m expecting it. i would love if me elmo and justin got on a tribe together that way we can start to actualllllly work together and show eachother our trust that way once merge comes we can just kill it! not much happened this round but i’m just feeling grateful and wanted to let you all know! y’all are great host and i’m having so much fun. Xoxo

Heading into this next challenge, I feel great. I have a tight bond with Jared, Lily and I just so happen to be in the same friend group chat, and have been talking alot, Elmo is awesome, but the two that worry me are Ian and Ben. Ben and I haven’t talked much, and once again, Ian is preventing me from trying to build a bond by just building a ridiculous wall up. Maybe he isnt cut out for these games tbh.

Well it's either Adam or Taylor. Chloe wants Taylor to stay. I don't really care who stays xD I'm probably gonna random.org this vote, I do not know to if I want Adam or Taylor here. Plus that random ass alliance chat doesn't help

tribe assessment:

jared - out of everyone i get probably the most loyal vibes from him, idk what it is. he's rly genuine whenever i talk to him. i think the fact that we played a game like over 3 years ago means a lot to him. i wouldnt be v shook if he somehow schemed against me at some point at early-mid merge or something. right now i think he wants to work with me for the long term

ben - ive been talking to him a lot from the beginning. i think that he's with me for now, i for sure think that he's going to make a move on me later on though, im not sure when but for now i trust him and i think i can work with him. I think if numbers r close at the merge he'd want to side w me. I'm not sure how well connected he is. I like talking to him but he works a lot (what a king tbh) so that probs hinders his ability talk a lot

lily - she is not the most active, which is sad because she is a kickass player. If she gets too far in this game, that could potentially be a problem, if we are not working closely together that is. She's EXTREMELY loyal and i think that if i keep talkin to her, she'd want to work with me for the long term. Potentially I think that she should be in my end game but obvs its way too early to say that

ian - he is one of the more quieter ppl but the more u talk to him, the more u get out of him and I'm starting to notice that. I think that we have a pretty solid connection over all and I rly like talking to him! he is p different than I am so that gives me good perspective. game wise, i havent had a lot of discussions with him yet but im working on it a lot bc i think he could be someone i have potential with

joey - hes nice. he doesnt talk a lot which is kinda weird. he said that he has my back but im not sure if he said that out of keeping himself away from my radar or if he actually meant it. I am not really sure? I wouldn't be very surprised if Jared hinted to him that I could potentially be lookin to vote him out. I think that there is POTENTIAL of me working with him but i think if i had to choose someone who i'd want to vote out, it would probably be him.

i could be totally oblivious about my situation but i genuinely think that im in a v strong position in this tribe. I believe i have potential (i think) to work with everyone on our tribe which i really like.  This is all based on intuition though so i could be TOTALLY Wrong. The fact that we never lost just means that I have no solid proof or claims. Only my own perceptions. Idw be cocky in this game, it has been my downfall before. I want to be in a mindset that people are against me.I thrive when I'm under pressure. I kinda wished that we went to at least one tribal just to see how everyone here was game wise. Oh well!!

if i was going to be the boot on our tribe i look like a total clown rn.

Besides the fact that I’m leaving tonight, yeah not much is going on! I’m so disappointed that this is how my game is coming to an end. I’m at a loss of words so I’m sorry if you want more I just don’t have it in me

i’m.... goin thru a lot of emotions. for no reason. idk

at the last tribal council the person who i was least happy to be cast with was voted out so that was one less thing to worry about. then we won immunity. which is nice. but also i get lazy premerge when we keep winning immunity. it doesn’t help that my social battery is currently at %10 and i have a broken charger. but. oh well.

i have to play in the next immunity and idk. if there’s only 3 of us competing and two of them are me and justin then maybe we really Will be going to tribal next round who knows.

also i’m really bad at idol hunting. i didn’t give enough birth. the lizard goddess has no interest in making an appointment w me. i killed myself one time and got nothing for my troubles. i feel like something’s definitely been found by now, aside from johnny’s legacy advantage. idk it’s feelin a little bleak bc i figured my best shot at finding an idol would be premerge and i know we still have a ways to go probably but if the idols are found then that’s it on that.

This is literally going to be the most gut wrenching vote. Clohie and Tom will not budge, or even fathom the idea of voting out the other. I'm under the impression they want Adam out, but I'm also afraid of the possibility of a vote against me....so I have to contemplate if it's smarter to tie the vote 2-2 first and then vote out Adam, or to just trust that they are in fact voting Adam. Something else I'm praying on if I survive this round, is for a swap. Because without one, I'll be on the bottom of the 3 with Clohie and Tom obvi sticking together since their original Kanaloa. And our challenge record is not the best. Adam is probably our strongest challenge performer so that's another reason I'd hate to see him go. Tom and Clohie are just so mysterious and vague, and Adam has been nothing but upfront with me. Ugh, just the thought of a tie vote or drawing rocks makes me so sick...I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

This has been the most stressful vote I have had to deal with, EVER. Taylor is a snake but Chloe wants to keep him and I get better vibes from Adam. I am considering doing a 2-2 if Chloe votes Adam and if it goes to rocks, so be it.

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week4/s-94KbM

________________________________________________________________

Taylor is voted out 3-1.