#haven't done some self reflection like that in a while

[tizeline]

Oh boy, at this point I feel that the truth is gonna chew Mikey hard after discovering they are actually the bad guys. Side note: I know Raph and Mikey are gonna struggle at first to accept the truth and even more to accept that Splinter and April aren't evil… but when and how is gonna Mikey really START to accept this? because I feel theres more chances with Raph than with Mikey

Okay, so this is what I've worked out so far regarding Mikey's redemption arc-

Like in canon, after the season 1 finale and Draxum gets fucked up by The Dark Armor and then also becomes wanted in The Hidden City, he (plus his kids) ends up finding and settling down in that apartment in April's building (the idea of them accidentally becoming April's neighbours is hilarious so I'm keeping that lmao). Then Leo enters his Rebellious Teen Arc and runs off to hang out with Donnie and April most of the time, eventually he's joined by Raph too so then it's mostly just Mikey and Draxum brooding in their apartment all day. It's during this time that Draxum spends some time self-reflecting and eventually decides to abandon their plans of world domination, much to Mikey's dismay who is still very much in the mood to end humanity.

It's hard pinpointing an exact starting point of Mikey realizing that he's been in the wrong, deep down I think he already know this, but he'll be damned if he actually aknowledges it. But it's around this part of the story that things start turning around for Mikey. Because when Draxum announces that it's over and they're done with trying to take over the world, Mikey gets pretty pissed about it and decides that he's ALSO gonna go all Rebellious Teenager on them all! See how they like THAT! BTW Mikey's "Rebellious" Teen Arc mostly includes him spending more time sulking outside than in the apartment as he previously did, and acting a bit more cranky towards Draxum, but he still returns home at a reasonable time in the evening and in general doesn't do anything he isn't allowed to do. He's not very good at being a bad kid haha. (If anything, Draxum thinks it's good that Mikey spends some time outside)

I've mentioned before that I like the idea of introducing Mondo Gecko and Woody Dirkins into the story and that they could help him in his character development and expand his world view (also godammit Mikey needs some friends aside from his brothers) So anyway, it's when Mikey starts spending time outside on his own that he meets and, after some time, befriends both of them. I don't have the details figured out here, but I'm thinking that he first gets to know Mondo considering he's a yōkai/mutant (haven't decided which). Mondo would already be friends with Woody which is how Mikey later meets him, when Mondo introduces them to each other. Mikey is obviously Skeptical at first, but Woody gives him free pizza so Mikey is all like "okay, maybe he sucks slightly less than other humans". All of this is to say, Woody is probably what leads to Mikey actually confronting the fact that he MIGHT be wrong about some things.

It's still very much a gradual change. It's around the end of season 2 that the Draxum family all reconcile with each other, and while Mikey is still not very fond of the Hamatos (especially Donnie lol) or humans, he doesn't wish for their demise anymore. Then it's some time after the events of the movie that Mikey fully commits himself to not judge people merely on them being humans or yōkai.

[miruac]

dating tenya iida headcanons - part two

masterlist

navigation

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warnings: not proofread, extremely self indulgent, reader has a little bit of anxiety and theyre a lil insecure

a/n: listened to chappell roan while writing this. casual came on again and i imagined iida to it and i got sad so here u guys go

last time we were here it was a couple weeks when you two came back from your date

he got you that gift basket of things you eyed while window shopping, and your heart soard

this man loves to see you happy

as of now, it had been two months since your date, and you guys haven't gone out yet due to midterm exams coming up

but you've been setting for group study sessions with your classmates, in the dorm lounge

everyone's going insane and they're all pretty serious about studying

especially iida, he doesn't glance up at you much or now since his nose is always deep into his notes

he didn't realize but you felt a little distant, and a little scared that his feelings for you went away

you got up from your spot beside him and went back up to your room, to try and get some space

he didn't realize you were gone until his hand swung down and tried to hold yours

after asking around he found out you went up to your room to 'rest up'

he knocked on the door anad called for you, and you opened the door just a tiny crack

he was worried, and asked if he did something wrong

after you told him, he nodded and looked so upset with himself

"thank you for telling me, i'm sorry i made you feel like that. but rest assured, i still harbour deep affection for you. we may be busy now, but i will try my best to keep up with you."

IM SOBBING I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

the next day when you're heading down to your study sesh, he's waiting for you with a smile and blush on his face

his hand hovers over yours. and he's slightly shaking

you grip onto his, and you two are being all gross and cute while engaging in minimal pda(he approves this one time)

guys i dunno why i'm thinking of so many sad headcanons help

when youre sad or upset, he'll hold your hand or hold you in his arms

if youre crying or don't want to talk about it, he'll wait until you're ready

he won't push you, he just wants to mkae sure you know that he's there for you to fall back on

he does the thing where he's looking into your eyes as he caresses your cheek while wiping away your tears with his thumb(IM PHYSICALLY SICK. IM GOING TO BARF I NEED TO BE IN HIS ARMS)

he's so patient with you :(((

ok im done i dont wanna cry anymore

he always tries to cheer you up by telling you a funny story, or by reassurement. it depends on what you need

OK IM DONE IM DONE BACK TO HAPPINESS

now that exams are done, summer break is here!!!

majority of class 1-a went home for break, including you and iida

you two frequently messaged the other, until you came back to the dorms with a couple weeks left of the break

you didnt know but while he was home he bought a couple of souvenirs for you, HE GOT YOU A LITTLE BLUE BEAR WITH GLASSES THAT LOOKED LIKE HIM

as a celebratory 'summer's almost over' event, the class had a little dinner party

varied from bakugous murderous attempt of trying to get everyone to eat sichuan chili hotpot to satos sweet desserts

after the dinner, the class went outside to take a little breather(and to light some sparklers and play around with some fireworks WHICH THEY WERE SUPERVISED BY AIZAWA AND ALL MIGHT)

when everyone went in, you stayed outside for a little longer to look up at the pretty moon and stars

iida saw you from the window, and went outside to try

he was worried you'd get cold

like he had never seen your eyes sparkle like that, the way how all your features reflected upon the moonlight

this boy's heart did FLIPS LIKE CONTINUOUS 360S EVERYWHEREE

his face was so red stop hes so cute

he could not stop staring until you asked him what was up

"can i... kiss you.....?"

"what's with the informal speech all of a sudden?"

"apologies, may i kiss you?"

"yes, yes you may."

IM GONNA CRYYY HES SO CUTE

obvi he hasnt had his first kiss so when you guys did kiss he froze up and his hands literally hovered over you because he didn't know where to put them and if you were okay with it

after like ten seconds you both pulled away and LORD his face was REDDD

he had an awkward smile on his face AGHGHGHGHGHGHG I LOVE AWKWARD NERDSS

after composing himself he ushered you back inside in fear that you'll catch a cold

but when he got back to his dorm that night, he looked at himself in the mirror and smiled so triumphantly

he still felt your lips on his, and maybe he realized he wanted to feel them more often

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2nd a/n: hi guys!!!! part one got a lot of love which made me really happy, its so hard being an iida lover but you guys make it worth it <33 i also got a couple of dishes stuck together when i was washing them earlier and my parents got mad at me so this i decided to work on this to let out my anger AND HEY IT WORKED ok idk what im saying | fun fact i was listening to casual by chappell roan when i was writing the sad n sorta angsty part of this headcanon, because iida would NEVER partake in casual activity(i did a rant about this earlier im done ok goodbye) anyways THAT CONCLUDES MY RANT send me a plunger emoji if you guys got this far(in honor of the fallen dishes)

[bts-hyperfixation]

Can you please write dumb/cute/random things BTS members will do while they are crushing on reader?

This was cute to write! This is what I think they'd each be like with crushes. Just so you know, all of them are dorks.

Please send me asks to keep me motivated while I’m off work! Thirsty thoughts, Most likely to, reactions, life updates, and general gibberish welcomed!!

Namjoon:

If Namjoon has a crush on you he gets extra clumsy. In his head, he is trying to be the most sophisticated person on earth, think W sexy numkim Namjoon. however in reality he is actually fumbling at every step, stuttering and tripping his way through conversations, beating himself up a little inside every time he rambles on a bit too long about something. Eventually, he just gives up on trying to impress you because he is too in his head and thinks he doesn't have a chance. Ironically that is when he manages to be more comfortable around you and stops breaking things. He still info dumps, but because he is a little less self-conscious about it, he allows it to flow more naturally and you can have a proper conversation without him disappearing to berate himself for talking too much. If the crush progresses to you hanging out he will always bring a little gift, sometimes snacks, sometimes a trinket that makes him think of you. He will send you pictures of things in nature that remind him of you, and take you to museums where certain sculptures or paintings reflect his feelings or your likeness. 

Seokjin:

None stop trying to make you laugh. Probably refers to himself as worldwide handsome a lot to garner your attention like: "Hey Y/N, did you know they call me WWH?", or "Did you miss my WWH face?". It's a good job that he is in fact very pretty or it would get annoying. Although you tell him every time that it annoys you while using the opportunity to slap/feel up his bicep. He stops by your workplace every day to try and see you, but he is trying to be subtle as he does it, making up genuine excuses as to why he is there. Gets exceedingly disappointed when your coworkers tell him you are on a break because it would be too suspicious if he came back later on. 

Yoongi:

He starts by offering you some of his food, claiming he has too much and he thought you might not have eaten yet (It's 10:30 am, of course, you haven't eaten yet). Then he is bringing in bigger meals claiming to be trying new recipes and then always making too much (He is trying new recipes, they happen to be some of your favourites. He is also sizing up the recipe to have enough for you both and more). He will invite you to listen in on some tracks he is working on, saying they are nowhere near finished but he wants an outside opinion (They are mostly finished, and mostly about you).

Hoseok:

Strikes me as a straight forward man. You are absolutely going to know if he has a crush on you. There is no messing about he just asks you out... and then hyperventilates about it as soon as he is behind a closed door. It doesn't matter if you answered yes or no that was the most fear-inducing thing he has ever done, debut stage included. He keeps the brave front when around you at all times though. He is very good at pretending to be confident and charming even when his heart is trying to beat out of his ribcage. He makes a point of kissing your hand when he sees you, like the way you giggle and blush.

Jimin:

Similar to Namjoon, goes from being the most coordinated guy in the world to tripping over his own shoes. He blushes furiously every time you walk in the room and struggles to form full sentences. The others rip the shit out of him for being so nervous when you leave. He spends most of his time with his head in his hands hiding the red in his cheeks rather than making eye contact. Eventually, the butterflies die down and he decides he needs to man up and make a move. He refuses to let Jeon - couldn't make eye contact with a woman until he turned twenty-two - Jungkook make fun of him for being anxious, so he swallows the fear and makes a move. Then his flirting becomes relentless: He leans against walls and cages you in a little, he uses pickup lines and keeps calling you beautiful, and he refers to you with pet names. He tries everything he can to make you as flustered as you made him before he asks you out, god-forbid you fight flirty fire with fire.

Taehyung:

He follows you around like a lost puppy when he can. If he is around you will never have to carry anything or open a door. He gives you expensive gifts that you aren't allowed to refuse, if you do they just end up at your house later on in the day. He claims most of them are leftovers from brand deals, but some of them are coming from brands you swear they've never worked with. He frequently brings you smoothies and snacks too. Even if he isn't around he will have them delivered to your work, sometimes for your whole office, not just you. If you try to tell him to stop he just makes the tata mic face until you come to a compromise that he will stop sending you drinks if you let him take you out for one. 

Jungkook:

If he figures out he has a crush on you, you will not see him for 8-16 days. The first day he realises he will look at you with the widest eyes and blinks a little too slowly, he then excuses himself as soon as possible. He then spends days in his house typing and erasing a text to send to you. It gives him a heart attack when typing bubbles appear because that means you've seen him lurking. He eventually figures out what he wants to do with his crush and then you struggle to get rid of him, not that you necessarily want to, although he did almost follow you into a bathroom once because he was too busy talking and not paying attention to where you were going. When he gets drunk on his own at home he always texts you, nothing serious or even damning, he just is genuinely missing you. It probably comes across wrong because its always 2am, but he is innocently just wondering how you are. Once you fall in to a conversation it is obvious that it wasn't meant as a booty call, as much as you sometimes might wish it was.

[kirjavas]

lyra and her death: on overcoming mental illness

tw: mental illness, depression, suicide mention

after rewatching all of his dark materials, i wanted to touch on something i noticed in the final season that i hadn't picked up on before, and that is how lyra's journey to the land of the dead reflects her mental health.

in the secret commonwealth, lyra is likely dealing with depression as well as recovering from her trauma of separating from pan, which has clearly taken a toll on their relationship. and i think there was a deliberate choice to bring this character arc forward into season three of the show, when it wasn't really there in the books. the amber spyglass highlights the theme of loss of innocence and and moving away from childhood, which was made even more explicit by lyra being an older teenager in the show. this was also depicted by a more obvious change in lyra and pan's relationship that we didn't see in the books until the secret commonwealth. the two of them argue much more than usual in the first few episodes, and they don't seem to be on the same page, particularly when it comes to the land of the dead.

since lyra and pan are one being, this shows us that lyra's mind is divided and she is not at ease with herself as much as she used to be—a feeling that is very natural as she awkwardly transitions from child to teenager. but i also think it goes deeper and may reflect a level of self hatred we haven't seen from lyra before. she's always been sure of herself and this is reflected by how much she loves and cares for pan. but in season three she becomes more dismissive of him and guided by a different part of her that is leading towards roger. there are obvious parallels to be drawn between her and mrs coulter, who in contrast has gone from abusing her dæmon to becoming more allied with him. mrs coulter's treatment of the golden monkey represents her discomfort with herself/her soul, but when both their intentions match that is when their relationship is healthier.

in the land of the dead, pan and will both seem to be afraid/cautious of the idea of death, whereas lyra shows no fear in summoning her own death and making a journey she may never return from (cue an incredible shot of lyra's death standing between her and will... till death do us part anyone?? but i digress).

it's really interesting how this slightly different dynamic kind of sets up their inevitable separation, as the episode foreshadows that there will be a heavy price to pay for bargaining with death. rather than it coming as a complete shock like in the books, it feels like a punch to the gut with the realisation that lyra and pan are no longer on the same path (and haven't been for a while). lyra chooses roger, a symbol of childhood, but ironically she also chooses to grow up in leaving part of herself behind.

i might be reading too much into these scenes but i think there's a strong suggestion that a part of lyra wants to die—perhaps to join roger, perhaps because her guilt makes her feel like she deserves it. later on, lyra's hallucination of pan and the scene with the harpies only emphasises this. the harpies target the thoughts at the back of her mind, telling her that she has ruined the lives of those she loves and she is in the land of the dead only to soothe her own guilt.

i also strongly suspect that upon freeing the ghosts, some part of lyra was healed knowing that she helped roger. she seems to bring a bit more of herself back after she reunites with him, in taming the harpies and telling stories. ultimately i think this accomplishment gives lyra enough strength to make another devastating sacrifice when she is separated from will forever. i honestly don't think she could have done it if she hadn't had the closure and relief of completing her mission to make amends with roger.

like... GOD. lyra is such a tragic character and i both love and loathe the show for introducing some of these elements. bring on the book of dust adaptation.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Just thinking about some Kunsel Whump. Like, of the soldiers he is the most generic and easily overlooked. I feel like he is the cog that holds most of the department together. It’s like a stage technician. If the job is done right, nobody will notice you, but do it wrong? They are the first person to get the complaints.

Anyway, Kunsel goes missing for a day. Be it captured by the enemy or the Turks, or just called in sick but nobody knows that because he is usually the person who knows who in the roster is away or sick or where they are stationed without looking anything up.

Chaos.

Picture him getting captured by an enemy faction while out on a solo mission, but no one notices at first because he's usually the guy in charge of logging the mission details and updating the status reports at the end of the day.

The only reason the 49th floor isn't more chaotic the next day is because Lazard hasn't yet given up on his men—not even when Zack accidentally triggers the emergency lockdown system while trying to alert the department about the infestation, sealing several escape routes and trapping some of their own troops in the middle of an infestation of monsters that escaped from the labs.

Everyone's struggling to deal with the monsters as the lack of efficient communication makes it impossible to coordinate attacks or know the precise locations of each operative (Kunsel was also responsible for maintaining the communication system).

Genesis: Where's Kunsel?? I can't get through to anyone on the lower levels!

Angeal, fighting off a monster: He wasn't at the usual briefing this morning. Sephiroth, have you seen him?

Sephiroth, looking at a dead monster while going through the motions of self reflection: I haven't, which now leads me to believe that he's missing.

Zack, also fighting off a monster: This is bad! This means he never got back from his assignment yesterday! What if he's hurt? Or in danger!? OR DEAD? Man, I'm the worst friend ever!

Genesis: I never realized how much we rely on him until now. I feel simply horrid that we—Sephiroth please don't mourn the dead specimen.

Angeal: I know what you mean. He must hate us now. We have to get him back now. Before it's too late!

Cut to enemy territory, where Kunsel sits at a table, a steaming cup of tea in hand, surrounded by the members hanging on every single word he says, while looking over a map of Midgar.

Kunsel: Yeah, your plan of attack makes no sense. You need to deploy a diversion in sector 7 to drive Shinra's forces away from sector 0, and then use the undercity to move in.

*The enemy group is in awe*

Enemy commander: Impressive! We could use someone of your expertise to lead us from now on. We'll be devoted to you and you alone.

Kunsel: Tempting, but I have to decline.

Enemy commander: Ah, I see. You're loyal to Shinra and SOLDIER alone.

Kunsel: Not really. It's just that the health benefits are great, I have game night with the boys every Friday, and me and Zack got movie tickets for next Saturday.

*Kunsel sips his tea*

Kunsel: Plus Tuesdays are taco days at the mess hall.

[vitaminseetarot]

PAC (Pick-A-Candy): February's Message For You ❄🕯

Hey y'all, welcome back! Thank you so much for playing in my first tarot game. I'm so glad to have the chance to reach out to everyone for inquiries. Thank you so much for your feedback as well! I'm still reading through your responses and feel grateful for all the positivity. There have been a lot of delays throughout this month and I haven't had as much time as I'd like to be on here in January, but I'm itching to pick up the pace in February. I'm planning another game in early March, topic to be announced, so stay tuned.

I wanted to start this month with a short and sweet pick a card reading to give you advice. For anyone celebrating this time of year, may you enjoy this time of peace and recovery and maybe some really tasty snacks with hot cocoa too. Pick whatever chocolate below looks most appealing to you. ❄🕯

Pile 1: Bronze Toffee Nut Pile 2: Silver Milk Chocolate Pile 3: Gold Dark Almond

Pile 1: Bronze Toffee Nut

Land:Tree:Sun, King of Mechanisms: Heliacal Chronograph, 26 Duality, King of Swords, XII Hanged Man, XV Devil, 7 of Swords, 7 of Wands

Hey, you! Did you recently complete something big or reach a major milestone in your life? If so, congratulations! Your efforts are paying off, if not now then over time they will show. But first, before doing or planning anything else, you need to sit down for a little while and just… breathe. Breathe deep. Replenish your mind from harrying so much over all that you have had to, have to, or will have to do (that was a mouthful, so I can't imagine how much clutter that is in the brain! Also I channeled the word "harrying" which I never use and had to look it up lol, but the word definitely still fits). Now is not the time to push, but a time to breathe and reflect.

You're in a time of transition, and this could mean many things. It could be a move or a job transfer, or you're thinking of how to change your way of living. I'm feeling that many in this pile are still actively working towards their New Years resolutions. Some in this pile may have had a very busy year, while others here wish to shift gears and become focused on doing more, a lot more than last year. Are you trying to make up for lost time? It's only February, pile one, so you have way more time than it seems to get things straightened out or set into motion. You're not creating a time debt by using your break or time off to actually self soothe, like most people do. Your tenacity is admirable, but in terms of self development, too much push to get things done might set you back.

You must balance between resting and recovery, all while strategically planning for your next course of action. Some of you may be struggling to get organized, but making schedules and lists could help immensely, so you're not spending as much energy trying to remember everything. There are also apps that are designed to help you stay on track, giving you more time to just hang out and be. There is nothing wrong with spending this entire month on decompressing from everything you've had to do. It's not going to happen when you're working on something else. That's a distraction, not progress, to work as a way of avoiding healing. However you decide to relax, make sure it actually involves relaxation. If that means laying in bed and watching TV for the day, then that's what it means. If you relax more by doing a chore, then make it something simple to complete like folding clothes.

Don't feel guilty for taking time off, but don't let the time slip by either. Schedule "Don't-Do-Much" days and see what kind of difference it makes to your productivity and routine over time. Think of this transition as an intermission of sorts. This is your chance to get up, use the restroom, order more popcorn, text a friend, etc. before getting back to your movie. You can choose not to get up, but once the intermission has passed, the movie will not pause for you. So use this opportunity to rest with intention, knowing that when change comes to thrust you into the next phase of life, it may do so unexpectedly fast and you'll be more ready for it.

Keep your ambitions lit up, because even as you rest, those dreams are still at work. Don't think that time off means abandoning any plans or being lazy. It's a matter of decluttering your mind space so you can actually focus on the next thing better, and you can't drain the brain of all your pain if you replace worry with more worry. Life is more than a series of boxes to tick off, saying "what's next? what's next? huh? what's next? HUH??" right after each one is done. If life worked that way, sleep wouldn't be a thing, and likely neither would we, because how can anything sustain that gogogo fever forever? Protect your right to self care, and don't let anyone tell you it's wrong to take time out just for you.

Pile 2: Silver Milk Chocolate

Spiritual, 7 of Prisms: Flux Tempest, 19 Unlimited Possibilities, King of Cups Rx, 2 of Pentacles, I Magician, 9 of Cups, Page of Wands

You may feel overwhelmed right now, like a lot of changes are happening at once, or could happen imminently. Things may feel topsy-turvy, and it's a struggle just to get through the day to day with all this weighing on your mind. There could be different options to choose from or a lot of emotionally heavy decisions that could be leaving you feeling a bit straggled. It could be a decision to undergo a kind of treatment, or many job offers suddenly come to you, and rather than feeling elated for the opportunities, you're feeling anxious about what to do more than anything.

Many opportunities and risks abound, and although it isn't easy, it's important to spend some time to figure out what you wish to do. We all want to make the best choices in life, but sometimes life involves a good deal of trial and error and retrial no matter how logical and sensible we try to make things behave. A lot of important details can get swept away in the rush to resolve a conflict as quickly and easily as possible. Even when the best choice is made, things can still happen. Life can be pretty random and chaotic at times, in ways not even shuffled cards can keep up with. It's not so much the choosing, but staying committed to the choice, that can be most difficult.

It's time to go within and listen to spirit for guidance. You need some time and space in order to feel this out, not just think it through. Our mind can work all day scoping out each and every pro and con, and that's where meditation comes in. Let the answers flow towards you naturally. When you can embrace the change to come from this choice, rather than fearing it, the way will light up for you and it'll be smoother sailing from here. The seasons will change no matter how long this time out will take for you, but one spring passed means another spring will eventually come again. If it doesn't work out the first time, there will always come another.

You have a heightened ability to manifest your desired outcome this month, and you may find that some things will naturally fall into place as soon as your mind is made up and you let go. Yes, anything can happen, but that also includes good things, it even includes things you have deeply wished for. Envision the best possible outcome first and don't get caught in too many details about how it should play out. We can trick ourselves into thinking that by assuming the worst, we can prepare for the worst. Instead, prepare for the best case scenario for you and you'll be surprised at how much easier it gets to sift out and manage challenges when they do show up.

Keep your mind steady and heart focused on what you want. Remain in a space of enthusiasm for what you'd like to happen. The page of wands is very eager, it's like they have the energy of a little kid pointing to a famous performer on stage and going, "that'll be ME someday!" Not "that could be me" or "ah, if only that could be me," but "that WILL be me." Think of your motivation as a fire that must be tended to on a regular basis. No matter how small or large the flame in your heart is, it will be the light that guides you into making the best decision for yourself. Take good care of it.

Pile 3: Gold Dark Almond

Land:Animal:Moon, Macroscoria, 10 Burden, King of Cups, VIII Strength, King of Pentacles, Knight of Cups, II High Priestess

Your sensitivity and overall empathic ability is high right now. There may be an inclination to feel a heightened sense of compassion for others, particularly animals (you have a lot of animals present in your spread, and Animal:Moon talks about those kind of connections in particular). Animal companions want to help you out this month, whether on the physical or astral plane, so turn to them for healing just as they would turn to you.

Create solid psychic boundaries to protect your mind. A lot of intense psychic energy could be purged through with the Macroscoria card. I'm almost reminded of what's it like to delve through Akashic records (or as I call it the Hall of All Knowledge), but this is a more universal, primal energy coming through? The card reminds me of Earth in its early stages when it was all still molten and predominated by immense fiery tectonic activity, fundamental forces bursting from beneath. Instincts can seem basic, but they're powerful. This energy could be coming from within you most likely, but you could be picking up on others' chaotic moods as well. This isn't a force to fight, but to work in your favor. Anger for example isn't wrong, but there's a right and a wrong way of expressing anger. It's a matter of channeling it into a proper medium.

If you were drawn to pile 2, there may be a message for you there as well, as the King of Cups is in the same position. There's an emphasis on being able to stay present with others with deep compassion while staying emotionally detached. Detachment is not the same as not caring, it's a state that allows you to embody what another is feeling and give them space to feel without losing yourself in it. Try to adopt an observational approach. When you are in a state of experiencing intense emotions, we can also practice the art of "stepping aside" to observe ourselves and learn from these feelings instead of pushing them away.

You and others must remain resilient, as you could be undergoing a challenging time. Don't push the limit though. Lend a helping hand when needed, but remember that you too deserve that same compassion in return. Whatever this challenge is, there is a potential for growth to come from this. This month could bring in a special reward for you, what that is isn't clear but your good efforts won't go unnoticed. It may feel difficult now, but when things start to improve, you'll innately know, and the payoff could be rather big, or more than what you expected. You may feel that many could be leaning on you now for support, but trust that whatever support you provide will in turn be granted back to you.

Observation doesn't mean apathy or overanalysis. It's about sitting and being present with what's happening around you and within you. Mindfulness exercises could help you out a lot this February, along with writing down your nightly dreams or even making a vent journal to scribble out frustrations. Make sure your emotions don't stay bottled or contained or they could burst. Instead, check in every day and find one thing that will help vent out those emotions. Your intuition is your best friend now.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[arthenaa]

Requesting angsty moment with Ominis x f!reader that takes place after what happens with Sebastian and Solomon where Ominis and reader are distraught and guilty and angry but they end up having passionate sex bc they just need to be close to each other so badly in the midst of everything they lost

my saving grace — ominis x f!reader

summary: It happened. Sebastian has completely lost himself and you and Ominis have no idea how to deal with the repercussions. You fear that it will only take just enough for the both of you to lose yourselves but then you remember that the fact that you haven't is because you both still have each other.

content tags: 18+, explicit sexual content, characters are aged up and instead of the seb thing happening during their 5th year, it happens on their 7th, the reader uses she/her pronouns, angst, comfort, reader is ravenclaw, i havent reached this part of the game yet but i kinda know what happened but idk the details so it might be different from what actually happened in the game HAHA, you guys make love in seb's house, comfort sex, crying crying, self reflection, ominis is in love w you, p in v sex, cockwarming, heavy petting, foreplay, ominis fucks u while standing up and against the wall teehee, nasty stuff, you both miss sebastian, i am so sorry i love writing them as a poly relationship but i dont rlly imply anything of both of your relationships with seb, poor you and ominis :(( , kinda short tbh

Silence. Complete and utter silence.

It gives an unpleasant itch in your brain the longer you spend time in it. It's nothing like the ones you have with Poppy while tending to the beasts in class or the ones with Samantha in the comforts of the common room. Or maybe the ones you spend with Ominis and Sebastian in the undercroft.

Ominis and Sebastian.

Sebastian.

Right. That happened.

A few hours ago, you were in the Feldcroft catacombs, helping Sebastian in his quest to find a cure for Anne then next you're standing in shock as your very own best friend had cast an unforgivable on his uncle and he had chosen the worst out of the three. The Killing Curse.

It had happened all too fast. You barely caught a glimpse of the green ray of light heading toward Solomon. You watch as Anne fought off her twin, face filled with disgust and disbelief as she hauled her uncle's unmoving body from the floor. On her way out, she sent you a face of despair and desperation and you knew what she was telling you.

'Take care of him. For me.'

You're currently seated on the steps leading to the Sallow home. The silence was deafening not because of the night but because of the lack of people. No one was home.

You expected Anne to be here but she wasn't and you were close to ripping the strands of hair from your head because now you were worried for both twins. Sebastian was nowhere to be found after the whole fiasco. You remember the scared look on his face after he had done what he did, looking for some sort of semblance of comfort from you, that what he did was right and just because he was doing it for his sister. You thought maybe he had learned from the dangers of dark magic when you were in your 5th year but it seems as time passed, his quest for finding a cure for Anne overshadowed his morals as a person.

You let out a shakey sigh as you hug your legs closer to your chest. The cold breeze of the night provided some sort of comfort in the silence. Your chin rests on the top of your knees, observing the houses around you. It was close to midnight and so you suspected that the people inside were already in their slumber.

"It's late." A familiar voice breaks your reverie. You jump at the sudden presence before turning your head to the culprit.

"Ominis." You whisper, almost so quiet that Ominis barely hears it. The young Gaunt stands in the greenery surrounding the front yard of the Sallow home. You stare as he allows his wand to guide you to where you're seating and seats down beside you.

Somehow, the silence becomes tolerably better as you feel Ominis's warmth from your side. He bites his lip as he fiddles with his wand. "Did you find him?"

"No." You whisper back, eyes staring dead into the night. Another cold wind blows past you.

"Anne?"

"Nope." You could feel the tears start to well in your eyes, you try your best to hold them back. Ominis nods in understanding before he pulls his knees up and rests his hands, outstretched on his knees. His head drops as he lets out a sigh.

It's silent once again and then you finally realized why the silence feels too hard to bear. It's because this town that had always been too silent, always had comfort in it from the way Anne sips her morning herbal tea to Mr. Sallow grumbling as he yet again flips another coin into the well and of course, Sebastian; Sebastian who had both shown you the wonders of his tightly-knit hometown and welcomed you with open arms from when you were 5th years up until your 7th. Sebastian who had shown you Feldcroft's love for tranquility and comfort in silence. You had found yourself in a town— in a home with just the two of you.

Just you and Ominis.

The dam breaks out of nowhere and you could only prevent yourself from full-out bawling as the palm of your hands cover your mouth. Ominis is startled by the sudden sounds of your crying.

"I-I should've stopped him." You sobbed as your hands shake. It was quite muffled with the hindrance of the hands against your mouth but Ominis hears it nonetheless. The blonde only falls silent as he listens to your worries. "Way back then! I should've—"

"No, Y/N." Ominis gently intercepts as he tries to swallow a sudden lump in his throat, preventing the breakdown caused by the events that occurred a few hours ago. "You were just trying to help. I-I would've done it as well, had I been in your place. There was nothing we could do."

Ominis sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than you. You look at him with swollen eyes as the urge to bawl dwindled. You let out a shaky sigh once more as you try to calm yourself.

"All of this started because of me," Ominis whispers. You turn your head towards the young Gaunt in confusion. "I was the one who exposed him to the dark arts. He was a natural learner and when concepts and magic like this are exposed to a person like him, it's innate for Sebastian to know more. He loves Anne more than anything. I-I should've known better when I brought you both to the scriptorium a few years ago. I helped set up that situation for him. I helped him hurt Anne. I made him—"

He couldn't say the words but you knew what he was talking about. You scowl at his insinuation before grabbing his cheeks in your hands and facing them toward you. You could now see the tears silently running down his face. It had sounded like he was so composed but he was just as broken as you were.

"I miss him," Ominis whispers as you hold his face close to yours. Your lip wobbles as you lick your bottom lip to collect yourself.

"You need to listen to yourself, Ominis." You mumble as your thumbs brush against his cold cheeks. "There are a lot of things we don't understand today and most of them we may try to blame ourselves for it but never try to point the blame on something that Sebastian inflicted himself. He was perfectly aware of what this might lead to and he cast it with perfect intentions."

Ominis quietly sobs in your hands as you press your forehead against his. "I'm scared to think right now."

"Then don't." You whisper as your eyes focus on the trembling boy in front of you. "Just focus on me."

Ominis gulps as he tries to compose himself, letting out short breaths as he lifts his hands to feel the sides of your arms then your shoulders then your neck then your jaw then your cheeks. You softly smile as you allow yourself to be seen by Ominis. You bask in his touch before feeling his touch on your lips. Its gentle and faint. Your eyes glance down at his lips before looking up at his cloudy blue eyes.

He leans in hesitantly before placing a soft and tender kiss on your lips. It rests on yours for a couple of seconds before he gently pulls away. There's a moment of pause before he breaks the silence.

"Stay with me." He whispers. You admire his face for a bit as you lean back slightly. You know what he means as he intertwines his hands with yours. It almost makes you cry but you know you needed to both be strong for what's about to come and right now, all you needed was each other. You press your forehead against his to let him feel your nod.

"O-Ominis." You moan softly as the blonde buries his head on your neck. His hands pull you close against him as you seat on his lap. Your cloaks and coats are forgotten on the floor of the house as your bodies entangle with one another on one of the beds inside the Sallow home.

The moment the two of you entered the house, it was just a mess of limbs wanting to be close as they physically can to one another. You can't remember the moment Ominis pulled you into his lap and sucked the living daylights out of you but you can't complain with how good it felt.

"Fuck." Ominis curses as his hands move under your skirt to grip your ass against the fabric of your undergarments. You whimper as you move against the hardening bulge on his crotch. You wrap your arms around his neck as you place your forehead against his.

"Pretty." You whisper, smiling as you trace his features with your hand. "My pretty boy."

Ominis whimpers at the praise before moving his hand in your inner thigh and boldy cupping your sex. You jolt in response, moaning as he grinds the palm of his hand against your clit.

"You've done so well. Done so much." Ominis licks his lips as he feels your wet arousal leak through your underwear. You rest your head on his shoulder as Ominis slides the piece of fabric to the side and slide his fingers in with ease. You moan at the intrusion.

You hug him close as he works your inside, shaping you to fit him. He curls his fingers in, pushing them deeper as it brushes against your sweet spot. You whine at its closeness, your hips trying to push it deeper as you grind on his fingers. Ominis peppers kisses on the side of your neck and jaw, cooing as you continue to let out soft moans and gasps at his ministrations.

"P-put it in." You whisper as your hand grips his wrist to stop him. You had almost come from his fingers alone but all you needed right now is to be closer to him. Ominis nods before the two of you remove your remaining clothes. He casts a protection charm and you watch as a thin sheen surface wrapped around his cock. Your hands find themselves cupping his cheeks once more as he angles his cock against your entrance. You gulp as you feel the head bump into your opening.

"You ready?" He softly asks, rubbing his hands against your hips. You smile as you pull him into a kiss, gently lowering yourself down onto his cock. Both of you softly moan out as you take in his length inch by inch. It takes you a while before you feel his thighs hit against yours. You let out a shaky breath as you rub your noses against one another.

Silence, but this time it's comfort. It fills in your heart with warmth and tranquility. It renders you both speechless and only relying on your bodies to communicate how you feel and so, you move.

You bounce passionately on his lap, feeling his length go in and out of your cunt. It draws out whines and moans as you try to keep yourself as close as possible with your foreheads still against one another. Ominis grips your hips as he tries to meet your bounces with his thrusts, pushing him deeper in you. The pleasure is immense and the need for each other's warmth is felt through the clashing of lips and gripping of one another's skin.

At one point, Ominis grabs your waist and pulls you to stand up with ease. Your legs wrap around his waist as he bounces you up and down his cock with vigor. You make choked noises as you certainly feel the thrust of his cock hit the back of your throat. You wrap your arms around his neck as he pushes you against the wall, growling as he rams his cock into you.

You allow yourself to be at his mercy. To be his canvas as he paints you with reds, greens, and blacks signifying the emotions brought by earlier events. Sebastian. Anne. Mr. Sallow. The triptych. The Scriptorium. His family. Slytherin. You allow him to use you as he sees fit as you do to him.

Ominis pulls his head back from your neck, thoroughly marking your neck. He presses his forehead against yourself as you feel his hips stuttering.

"Stay with me. Please—" He whispers, broken as he pleads softly. You grabs his face between your hands as he practically fucks you into the wall. "Stay. Stay by me. F-Fuck."

"I'm here." You reassure him as you place a chaste kiss on his lips before you move to press against his ear, your hand gripping his hair tightly. He moans in response. "I'm here. I'll be here, always."

He snarls at your response as he moves his hips faster. His hand dives down to rub your clit, stimulating you further to your climax. You let out high-pitched whines against his ear as you grip his hair tighter.

It's him who releases first as he bottoms out and let his fluid be caught by the protective charm, forming a barrier from being released inside you, yet despite his release being protected, you could still feel its warmth which prompts you to release as well. Your body jolts at your orgasm, your thighs shake and your toes curl at the intensity. You push against Ominis, head banging against the wall as you choked out moans.

"I love you. I fucking love you." Ominis snarls as he dips down to suck your breasts. It further enhances your lengthy orgasm as you grip his shoulders in sensitivity. Ominis gently pries you from the wall as you slump in his arms before gently placing you down on the bed.

Its all hazy as you feel being cleaned up before a body is pressed up yet again against you. Ominis wraps you in his embrace as you pull him close. You feel overwhelmed with the need to be close to him as he continues to give you soft kisses against your face. You didn't even know you were crying before Ominis gently brushed against your temples, catching the falling tears. You open your eyes as you stare at him beside you.

"Ominis." You whisper as you face him on your side. You place a soft kiss on his lips as your leg rests over his hip. The need for each other's touch never left. His hand runs the length of your thigh as he slots himself between your legs. You miss the fullness as your swollen and sensitive pussy clenched over nothing. "Inside. Please."

Ominis moves in silence as his hand pushes you close against him through the small of your back before grabbing the shaft of his semi-hard cock and pushing it back in with ease. You dreamily sigh as you place kisses against his lips. Both of stay still, feeling your inner walls pulse against his slowly hardening cock, both riddled with sensitivity.

"I love you too." Your reply to his declaration after a few moments of silence. You trace his features with your finger as he softly smiles at you returning his affection. Tears flow freely down your faces as you kiss once more. It's you who pulls back first.

"I'm here with you."

"As am I, my little dove."

A/N: smut is done best at 3 am. hope yall enjoyed this :D you and ominis fucked each other so hard bc yall needed to vent <3

[darth-jess]

Alright I normally stick to charcoal on paper but I've really wanted to experiment with digital art lately, so while I had a bad case of writer's block I decided to draw how I imagine Evil Padmé from my fic. (Disclaimer: I’m not an artist)

If you're not familiar with my fic (Beauty & Rage) this apparition haunts Vader constantly– at first he believes it's some manipulation the Emperor created to torture him, but in truth she is a manifestation of Vader's own darkness. She is actually Vader's own creation, his own way of torturing himself for what he has done.

Details:

The dress is supposed to be Padmé's wedding dress, but it is black and corrupted. Her wearing the dress is another way Vader tortures himself, as it is a reminder of the promises he made to her and how he failed her. In his twisted, broken mind, he sees that Anakin was not strong enough to save her, and so Anakin did not deserve her. The "apparition" wearing this dress is an insult, it is his way of blaming himself, a visual reminder that he could not save her/that he killed her. This image tells him: the moment she married you, her fate was sealed. You did this. Her wedding dress may as well have been her funeral shroud. (This is not exactly true, but that doesn't matter to Vader. Because the purpose of this is self loathing, the purpose of this is making himself pay for what he's done.)

Her lips are always painted red, red like Vader's lightsaber, red like the blood of the innocent lives Vader has taken. (I also gave her slightly elongated incisors in the drawing, it felt right and definitely made her look a bit more evil, but I haven't described that in my fic… maybe I will in a future chapter?)

Her eyes are amber-gold, flecked with red. They are Sith eyes, like Vader's.

I wanted to draw her smiling, especially because it is nothing like Padmé's real smile.

Everything about this image of her is a reflection of how Vader has corrupted himself. The apparition of Evil Padmé in Beauty & Rage is meant to represent Vader’s darkest self, as well as his broken psyche.

[aois-amaterasu-painting]

Black B- PASS- Special Issue - The GazettE - NINTH Reference book - (part 1 - the 5 members solo interviews)

■ Interviewer: The title "NINTH" is quite simple, which is unexpected for a the GazettE album. Delving deeper, there are various meanings that the number "9" can imply...

RUKI: There might be some underlying meanings (laughs). But for this album, it’s simply just that.

■ Interviewer: Right, I see (laughs). The album doesn't have a unified musical direction, but there are strong emotions throughout. To put it simply, it's a strong feeling of 'We are not dead yet, and we can't afford to die.' Do you think that's a strong sentiment in this album?

RUKI: It's hard to explain in one word... I think a lot of different thoughts come together to form that kind of message. How should I put it. While I'm expressing all of myself, the lyrics overall might have a stronger negative aspect. However, the last track, "UNFINISHED," is relatively more positive.

■ Interviewer: Certainly. The straightforward words in that track were quite surprising.

RUKI: Yes, I wrote it honestly... Not that the other songs aren't honest, but I wanted to make it unembellished.

■ Interviewer: The phrase "You are the light that illuminates the path" was very moving and shocking in its naked honesty.

RUKI: Yes... recently, I haven't used such expressions... indeed.

■ Interviewer: Was there something specific that made you write like this at this time?

RUKI: The timing of making the songs and writing the lyrics was during a very negative period. Usually, I don’t write very positively, but I had a lot of thoughts about myself... I was quite at my limit. So maybe, on the contrary, I found salvation in the songs.

■ Interviewer: Despite everything, you could write these lyrics because you had someone to believe in, and your thoughts turned to continuing your activities towards the future, is that right?

RUKI: Yeah, that's right. But at the time I was writing the lyrics, I was wondering why I was putting myself through such pain… It was that kind of negativity. Revisiting those emotions at this point and reflecting on them again… The peak of it was around "itan" (referring to the series of live performances titled "Boudouku Gudon no Sakura" with the initial concept of Dainippon Itan Geisha). The period right after "DOGMA" ended was the lowest, and it feels like that has continued ever since… It's not as serious as it sounds (laughs). This is just my personal perspective.

■ Interviewer: I see. For example, in "NINTH ODD SMELL," there are specific words scattered throughout that trace the history of the GazettE.

RUKI: The way I wrote the lyrics is similar to "DIM SCENE," which was a song that sang about the album itself. But indeed, "NINTH ODD SMELL" depicts everything from our first album to the present.

■ Interviewer: Writing about the band's history in this way, at this time...

RUKI: It was probably because of "itan." After creating something like "DOGMA," I suggested doing "itan," but I'm usually the type not to touch on the past.

■ Interviewer: Yes, that's true.

RUKI: But I deliberately brought it out... How should I put it... I turned it into a product. I always said I wouldn't do that, but I did. In hindsight, I'm glad we did "itan," and I have no regrets about it, but it changed from the ideal I initially had for myself. The negative feelings about that were overwhelming. To put it bluntly, I did something completely opposite to my 'DOGMA' self, I'm not sure if I can say I was in a state of depression, but I felt like I couldn't see the way forward. I couldn't think of anything that would please the fans more than this, and seeing everyone happy about it made it worse. Even though I should have known better, in retrospect, I had this feeling of "Oh, I've done it."

■ Interviewer: It was indeed a significant event, like breaking a forbidden seal.

RUKI: Yes. That's why I remained in that state until I wrote "Falling." Maybe I overthought it, but it was something I had carefully protected, so I had a lot of thoughts about it. That was the trigger that made me start thinking about various things.

■ Interviewer: Did looking back on the past in "NINTH ODD SMELL" mean you had come to terms with it?

RUKI: No, I had already found closure with "Falling." I intended for "Falling" to be a song where I accept both my past and present self and fall... The lyrics reflect that. Saying I accepted it might not be quite right. The idea that even the parts of myself I dislike exist is a fundamental concept in this album. So, it's not that I dislike the songs or the world of "itan." But there were many parts that I thought shouldn't be, which I had sealed away. This time, I included everything in me… melodies, lyrics, without caring about good or bad. I had the intention to unleash what came to my mind without any restrictions."

■ Interviewer: You removed all boundaries and embraced yourself from any era.

RUKI: So, it's a bit different from the term "returning to the roots," but when I released what was still within me, it took this shape. The lyrics for "NINTH ODD SMELL" flowed quite smoothly, and in a sense, it was the first song for me. After falling with "Falling," "NINTH ODD SMELL" begins.

■ Interviewer: I see. That makes sense why "Falling" was released first.

RUKI: Yes, that's why "Falling" was released first.

■ Interviewer: Ah, that makes perfect sense.

RUKI: Oh, really? I'm glad (laughs). "Falling" is often thought of as a love song. I've also been told it sounds like it's about the fans. But I've already unraveled that before, so the way it sounds is different now.

■ Interviewer: Did you have any anxiety about exposing the emotions inside you without restrictions?

RUKI: Not anymore. Once I decided to reveal myself, my emotions swayed a lot, but I decided to express those swaying emotions as well. So, it was tough (laughs). I expressed what I felt was good, without worrying too much about "DOGMA" or previous works. I just wanted to release everything I had.

■ Interviewer: Did you share those core feelings with the members while making this album?

RUKI: No, I didn't. We generally don't have those kinds of discussions.

■ Interviewer: I see. Regarding the musical aspects, songs like "Uragiru Bero" and "UNFINISHED" might feel fresh to those who have only known the recent the GazettE, while they might evoke nostalgia for those who have followed you from the beginning. Of course, all of them are updated to the current the GazettE's style.

RUKI: Yes. The songs came about naturally. By the way, with "UNFINISHED," I found myself becoming negative while writing it. My mood would drop, and I'd feel like I couldn't finish the lyrics, so I'd take a break and come back to it. I realized how deeply I could get lost in thought.

■ Interviewer: The future-oriented lyrics of "UNFINISHED" seem to have been drawn out by the song itself.

RUKI: That's why that song was created when my mood was more positive. It was one of the earlier songs we made.

■ Interviewer: I see. And the opening track "Falling" and the final track "UNFINISHED" seem to have a direct connection in terms of the lyrical flow.

RUKI: Yes. For me, it's the beginning and the end... or rather, what comes after the end.

■ Interviewer: You fall in "Falling," but it's not the end. In "UNFINISHED," you take someone's hand and walk toward the future.

RUKI: It wasn't made with that much thought. It's just the result of expressing everything I felt. That's why I still can't view it objectively, from a third-party perspective. The lyrics are part of me.

■ Interviewer: So the words here aren't emotions you can yet see from a distance.

RUKI: There are some songs I can see that way, but most of them, no.

■ Interviewer: How long did it take to write the lyrics after "Falling"?

RUKI: About a month, I think. It was faster than usual. During that time, I wrote about what I felt while reflecting on myself, including my emotional fluctuations.

■ Interviewer: As we discussed earlier, by shaping your fluctuating emotions into a piece of work, did you experience any changes within yourself?

RUKI: Hmm... changes... I'm not sure.

■ Interviewer: Did you feel a sense of completion?

RUKI: Yes, perhaps. I pushed myself to my limits, so it was tough, but I felt like I had given everything, almost like I had poured my life into it.

■ Interviewer: But as a vocalist, you'll continue singing these songs moving forward, right?

RUKI: Yes, that's right.

■ Interviewer: How does that feel? Is it like purifying your emotions through singing?

RUKI: Ideally, that's what I'd like it to be. Time plays a part in it too. During this production period, I realized that I can't write about things I don't genuinely feel. I can't lie in my lyrics; they can't be business-like (laughs).

■ Interviewer: (Laughs) You can't write fictional, imaginary stories.

RUKI: It's fine if fans interpret it that way. But when I'm writing, I can't write about things I don't feel. For example, if I'm not thinking about the fans at a particular time, I can't write lyrics that seem like I am, hypothetically speaking. If my feelings change halfway through writing, I scrap it and start over.

■ Interviewer: That's why lyrics that you wrote with the fans in mind probably come across as straightforward and real.

RUKI: I'd like to think so. That's why I avoid giving specific explanations about the lyrics to prevent giving preconceived notions. I didn't like it when artists I liked explained their lyrics in detail. But then, it wouldn't be an interview (laughs).

■ Interviewer: I hope to ask in a way that works well (laughs).

RUKI: I don't intend to write in a twisted way, but it's challenging. For example, even with anger, the intensity of the emotion might differ from just being "annoyed." Especially with "DOGMA," the emotions were intense. Even now, talking about lyrics tends to pull me back into those feelings.

■ Interviewer: I see... it was that deep.

RUKI: It's not a bad thing. During this interview period, I've been feeling that way constantly, but it's not like I'm unwell (laughs). It's probably good to have that side. But with older songs, I can't always recall my feelings from that time. There are songs where I wanted listeners to feel a certain way, such as wistful or sorrowful.

■ Interviewer: So there are lyrics that were written with a specific intention.

RUKI: Some older songs have that. But they are just songs. It's not that I deny them, but when I think about my feelings when I was younger, I feel that I need to acknowledge them, or it becomes painful. There might have been such emotions.

■ Interviewer: Because it's a piece of work.

RUKI: Yes. However, with recent works, listening to them brings back my real feelings from that time vividly. I think that's a good thing for me as a vocalist.

■ Interviewer: To put it simply, the emotions embedded naturally become stronger, making it an even more emotional song.

RUKI: Exactly. I think it's much better than becoming numb (laughs).

■ Interviewer: Rather than just tracing the lyrics.

RUKI: Yes. Although, this can make it a bit dark. Fans who read the interviews get worried. But from an outsider's perspective, band members might think, "Do you really feel that deeply?" I suppose we're more delicate than expected.

■ Interviewer: Also, the charm of print media is that it can convey those real backgrounds and feelings in detail, enhancing what you feel when listening to the work. In the band interviews, the word "natural" was mentioned, but for lyrics, it's not just about that...

RUKI: It's about human touch, I guess.

■ Interviewer: I think so too. The arrangement of the songs gives the impression that the live performance could be completed as it is.

RUKI: From the selection stage, we progressed by filling gaps. We considered what was missing or what we wanted, so it has been in this form from the beginning. So, I think that's why.

■ Interviewer: Did you foresee starting with "Falling" after the SE and ending with "UNFINISHED"?

RUKI: Yes, that's what we aimed for. Also, I think that just listening to "UNFINISHED," the cover art might not quite match (laughs). By the way, "UNFINISHED" was completed around dawn.

■ Interviewer: The environment might also influence the style of the song. Since this song ends with a fade-out, it should conclude in a new form during live performances. I hope it will grow like "TOMORROW NEVER DIES."

RUKI: We didn't intend for "TOMORROW NEVER DIES" to be like that at the time, but it was completed quickly. It might naturally evolve or eventually fade away and stop being performed. However, songs that are born so quickly often have long lifespans.

■ Interviewer: It's not about creating a song to be a touching piece for live performances.

RUKI: Also, I can't create songs with that intention. It would feel like a farce to me. The same goes for live performances. For example, we stopped playing "Miseinen" because it felt like I had to cry every time, even if that wasn't the case. Similarly, we don't play "Wakaremichi" even though we could. For instance, during our 10th-anniversary live, we didn't play it because we said we wouldn't until we disbanded. We're stubborn that way.

■ Interviewer: Is it largely because these are some of the band's earliest songs?

RUKI: No, I don't have any resistance to the songs themselves. I had no issue performing "Sentimental na onigokko." It's not that I dislike them. I just feel they’re a bit youthful. So, I didn't intend to release "Itan" as a standalone video work.

■ Interviewer: I see. Listening to what you've said, it feels meaningful that the live footage of "Boudouku Gudon no Sakura" is included in the "NINTH" LIMITED EDITION BOX.

RUKI: It connects in a way and can be seen in a different light. Including it shows a change in me. It doesn’t fit the world of "NINTH" at all, and I used to be adamant about not including unrelated content, no matter how well it might sell.

■ Interviewer: This is a big change.

RUKI: Yeah... it's not that serious of a topic, though.

■ Interviewer: No, it's natural to have non-negotiable aspects as an artist, especially in a band like the GazettE that has moved forward in its own way.

RUKI: For me, it's not about scolding myself but allowing myself to be seen that way. It's about accepting even the uncool parts of myself. That's why I haven't watched the "Itan" footage even once.

■ Interviewer: Really, you haven't?

RUKI: Usually, the MC parts are edited out, but this time they're included. I barely watched the opening part shown at the "BURST INTO A BLAZE 3" event. I left it untouched, letting it be.

■ Interviewer: It's surprising that you didn't watch the footage even once before it became a product.

RUKI: If I had watched it, I would have easily cut the MC parts (laughs). When we decided to include it in "NINTH," we were already planning to leave the MC uncut, so I thought it was better not to watch. It's not that I hate including the MC parts; I just dislike the act of watching myself in that footage. The visuals and singing are fine, so it's just a matter of mindset.

■ Interviewer: Thinking about it that way, it feels like it has become something even more special.

RUKI: Yes. Now, it has a lot of meaning.

■ Interviewer: The lyrics also reflect your genuine emotions without any disguise, and your time with "Dainippon Itan Geisha" played a part in that...

RUKI: That's also part of me. In the past, I didn't acknowledge that. I used to separate it, like, "That was then, and this is now." I didn't deny my past, but I considered it a separate entity. However, when I reflect on my feelings from when I was younger, I realize it would be painful not to acknowledge them. So, I may have had such emotions. But I hear that vocalists often have such feelings to some extent. Some people are even uncomfortable with their own lyrics. Believing that the present is the best and affirming myself, I've moved forward. While creating the ninth album as RUKI, I decided to expose all my ugly and weak parts. For this ninth work, I wanted to express whatever feelings I had, no matter what they were.

■ Interviewer: I see. There are many aspects that become clear only through such discussions.

RUKI: Yes, although there are parts that you probably don’t need to know.

■ Interviewer: However, knowing the author's thoughts can change the perceived intensity and the depicted scenery.

RUKI: Well, I’m usually in good spirits (laughs). When I talk about these things, the members often say, "What!?" But it's a personal thing.

■ Interviewer: I'm glad to know that this work carries such profound feelings.

RUKI: It’s heavy though (laughs).

■ Interviewer: But it's much better than someone who doesn’t think about anything at all.

RUKI: I used to think I was a person who didn’t think about anything. I was more of a positive thinker. So, it was shocking. I had never fallen this deep before.

■ Interviewer: If you hadn’t done a live under the name "Dainippon Itan Geisha," things might have turned out differently.

RUKI: Most likely, it would still be somewhat "DOGMA"-like. Not that I would have wanted to continue with the sound of "DOGMA" indefinitely. We did it so thoroughly that I was exhausted. If I wanted to make music like that, we already have the "DOGMA" songs. Of course, doing "Itan" didn’t directly lead to the melodies in "NINTH."

■ Interviewer: Right. The direction of your mindset would have been different.

RUKI: Exactly. So, it's somewhat mysterious that we ended up with this kind of album now.

■ Interviewer: Around the time of the release of your previous work "DOGMA," the GazettE had many opportunities to look back on the journey you've taken, such as the "Redefinition Tour," the 13th Anniversary live, and the 15th Anniversary live. What was your mindset before starting the album's production?

Uruha: Really, in these past few years, we've had many projects that involved looking back. Besides what you just mentioned, we also made a ballad best-of album ("TRACES VOL.2," released on March 8, 2017). Reflecting on so much made me realize that I've always been immature as a musician and that I'm still incomplete. Especially when I think about my mindset as a guitarist in the early days, it's at a level where I don't even want to remember it (laughs). The past few years of reflecting have been a period for me to realize that I need to improve more."

■ Interviewer: Your dedication remains unchanged. Amidst such thoughts, you began creating "NINTH," right?

Uruha: Yes. But at that time, we didn't have a clear theme or concept for the album. It was the same with "DOGMA" – RUKI just presented the visual image. This time, it was a picture of a soldier’s face melting, but I couldn't visualize how that would connect musically. In other words, there was no theme or direction when we started making the songs. Having just come out of a period of intense reflection on the past, I personally approached the songwriting process with the question, "Who am I?" in mind. When you keep pushing forward without looking back, sometimes you end up with something that doesn't feel like yourself. I thought that wasn’t good, and if I got too immersed in my current mode, I might overlook my own immaturity. So this time, I wanted to create songs that reflected my core. In that sense, the period of looking back was beneficial.

■ Interviewer: You took a good look at yourself. Listening to the songs you wrote this time, "THE MORTAL" and "BABYLON'S TABOO," it's clear that you like powerful and emotional music.

Uruha: That's definitely true. However, I brought those two songs in fairly late in the production process. So, they weren't born out of the initial inspiration but were created while looking at the trends of the other songs that were already finished. Especially "BABYLON'S TABOO," which was made towards the very end."

■ Interviewer: I see. Let’s start with talking about "THE MORTAL." This song is impressive for its method of utilizing the contrast between heaviness and a sense of floating, as well as its chorus that combines strength and sadness.

Uruha: "While we didn’t have a clear vision of what we wanted the album "NINTH" to be, we all agreed through the production process that an emotional sound is cool. This is important not only in live performances but also in our overall expression. Having that kind of emotional intensity can be a weapon when performing at festivals and such. Bands that lack this intensity don't seem cool to me. It's quite challenging to bring out this intensity, but we wanted to cherish that aspect. We didn’t explicitly decide to go in that direction during meetings, but when we watched live footage together, comments like 'This staging is intense and great' or 'It's emotional' came up often, and that became a sort of positive feedback loop. With that in mind, I created "THE MORTAL" very consciously following that trend."

■ Interviewer: I think many listeners perceive the GazettE as an emotional band. This time, you were especially conscious of that, right?

Uruha: "Yes. There are many bands outside of the visual kei field that have this emotional aspect. Since there are so many, it means there are many listeners who appreciate that style. Also, the emotional quality of visual kei has its own unique appeal, and I feel it's necessary for the GazettE to aim for that. After "DOGMA," I thought that the next thing we should seek is that kind of emotional quality."

■ Interviewer: Indeed, as you gain more experience, your ability to express "wabi-sabi" (aesthetic of beauty in imperfection) increases. When you are young, even if you want to be emotional, it's hard to express it well.

Uruha: "It’s hard to express. For example, there's a certain coolness in being subtle rather than expressing something strongly. If that's not cool, even emphasized expressions become superficial. Although I understood this, I couldn't achieve it well in the past. Either I couldn't be subtle enough, or I became too subdued and boring (laughs). Recently, I feel the urge to refine that contrast even more."

■ Interviewer: It's inspiring to see that with ambition, one can continue to evolve even after 10 or 15 years.

Uruha: "Yes. Now, more than ever, I feel like I've truly found joy. In the early days of the GazettE, it wasn’t as fun as it is now. Back then, I was just playing guitar with all my might, and the only fun part was being in a band. Now, expressing myself through the guitar is enjoyable, and when I can enjoy that, I can enjoy anything."

■ Interviewer: Over a long period, you understand many things. Additionally, the GazettE itself continues to evolve and change, leading to many discoveries.

Uruha: "Through the activities of the GazettE, many doors within myself have opened. The GazettE never stays in one place. The members enjoy discovering new things by challenging themselves, which is why not being satisfied is important. Also, looking back at the GazettE’s history helped me identify my flaws. My uncool aspects (laughs). By examining my roots, I see where I’ve carried that tackiness to my current self (laughs). If I don’t understand that, I can’t get rid of it."

■ Interviewer: But, the parts you feel are negative might be attractive to others.

Uruha: "That could be true. However, I think I should meet my own standards. Instead of using the word 'personality' as an excuse, I want to confront it properly."

■ Interviewer: That sounds like you. We got a bit sidetracked, but could you talk about the other song, "BABYLON'S TABOO"?

Uruha: "In GazettE's live shows, there's always a ballad block. This song was made as a transition piece to return to the intense zone from that ballad block. So, I thought it would be good to have a song that is continuous and elusive, like a one-chord song. "BABYLON'S TABOO" was created because I wanted a complex song that requires various skills to express."

■ Interviewer: Indeed, it turned out to be just that. It also has a subtle ethnic flavor, and it's nice that it's not too obvious.

Uruha: "That’s because the underlying concept wasn’t to bring out that world view. With this kind of musical style, it’s common to use Middle Eastern scales or incorporate sitars, but that’s not where I wanted to go. When I shaped what was inside me, it turned into this kind of song."

■ Interviewer: The continuous guitar riff and congas create a subtle native music feel. The fact that the congas aren’t overly emphasized is also great.

Uruha: "That's hindsight though. Initially, the conga was produced at the same level as the drums, but during the mixing stage, I thought it would be cooler to emphasize the sound of the drum toms. I decided to prioritize downgrading the sequences, thinking they were secondary. This time, I wanted to focus more on the band. Instead of emphasizing the sequence's impression in terms of development, I wanted to showcase the band's pulling power and didn't aim to strengthen the sequence's impact."

■ Interviewer: This work has a stronger band feel, but it’s characterized by songs with a solid worldview, not just driven by momentum or groove.

Uruha: "This time, we were extremely strict in our song selection. It took a while to finalize the selection. We kept creating songs, thinking there must be more, and we meticulously selected the ones we truly believed were the best."

■ Interviewer: The songs are compact and dense, matching the recent trends in the music scene.

Uruha: "It wasn’t intentional; it just happened naturally. Even if the structure is elaborate, we didn’t want long songs. Also, the overall BPM (tempo) feels fast, resulting in many songs around three and a half minutes long."

■ Interviewer: The fact that it happened naturally indicates a sensitivity to the times. Let's talk about the guitar next. What was important for you in terms of the guitar in this production?

Uruha: "We started the production with "Falling." First, we recorded "Falling" and decided to release it digitally. We spent a long time on the pre-production for "Falling," knowing it would set the tone for the album. There was significant debate about the direction we should take. Each member had their own ideas and desires, and when we combined them, it turned out to be too distorted. It was quite challenging to figure out the band’s sound. We used various references to guide us."

■ Interviewer: What direction did you initially want to take?

Uruha: "I originally preferred analog and had always used amps. However, while making "DIVISION" and "DOGMA," I realized that my personal aesthetics and desires as a guitarist didn’t always align with the band's sound. If it didn’t fit the band, it was meaningless. So, I considered what would suit the band and found that the things I had dismissed were actually the right answer. Basically, instead of using amps, I started using simulators to create the sound. Although I had resisted this method, when I tried it with an open mind, it fit well. Initially, I couldn't accept it, so I gradually adopted it. I started with cabinet (amp speaker box) simulators, then tried other things, and my world changed significantly. Things that were difficult before became easier. During live shows, I used to bring my own mics, set up two mics on the cabinet to capture the guitar sound. Despite my efforts, the guitar sound wasn’t heard well from the audience, and it didn’t blend well with the band. I realized I was only thinking I was doing something great without achieving the desired result. The more complex the setup, the less the guitar sound stood out. That led me to go digital."

■ Interviewer: Really? Does that mean the guitar on "NINTH" is mostly line recording?

Uruha: "Yes, not 'mostly,' but entirely line recording."

■ Interviewer: That's... surprising! The guitar on this work has a perfect distance from the ear, not too close nor too far. I thought you had found the ideal microphone arrangement for the cabinet.

Uruha: "That’s not the case. I experimented a lot to get here. Simply switching to digital line recording was really lackluster at first. It was lackluster for a long time. During "DOGMA," I couldn’t decide whether to bring out the amp's qualities or the cabinet simulator feel. But through research, I learned how to overcome the weaknesses of simulation. Now there are various simulators, but you can’t just use them as they are. For instance, I use only the Tube Screamer effect from Line6’s POD, and pair it with a different amp simulator."

■ Interviewer: That’s quite technical (laughs).

Uruha: "Hahaha (laughs). Using multiple simulators required a flexible mindset. For example, the POD has a unique sound; the Tube Screamer effect from POD is different from the real thing. However, that distinctive clinginess is only possible with POD. So, instead of seeing it as a Tube Screamer simulation, I started using it as a drive effect. I believe that if the sound matches my vision, the process doesn’t matter much. During this work, I realized that it's essential to cherish the initial vision for a song. It’s not about what equipment you use but the sound you create."

■ Interviewer: I agree. I think being able to use digital equipment so proficiently comes from all the analog trial and error you went through to get here.

Uruha: "I feel that too. You can’t understand the sound of a real amp unless you’ve actually used one. Even when using digital equipment, in the end, we still seek a sense of authenticity. My current goal is to reach a point where you can’t tell if it’s a simulator or a real amp."

■ Interviewer: The guitar sound on "NINTH" gets very close to that.

Uruha: "I think we got pretty close, but I still feel there's a long way to go. If you don’t feel the paper cone of the speaker vibrating, then it’s not the goal. Mixing and mastering diluted that raw feeling, but the recorded sound was more vivid. So, through this recording process, I learned that it’s necessary to exaggerate certain aspects more."

■ Interviewer: Your dedication to research hasn't changed at all. How about your guitar playing?

Uruha: "The song that was really fun to play was 'BABYLON'S TABOO.' It was full of emotion, and there were times when I played without thinking about anything other than emotion, and I think we recorded a good take. The difficult ones were RUKI’s songs. His riffs are designed by someone who doesn’t play guitar, making them very challenging. They don’t hit the sweet spots that guitarists usually enjoy; they’re quite demanding (laughs). Also, it’s not like he says, ‘I did this casually, make it sound good based on that.’ He wants it just as it is (laughs). So I’d be like, ‘Wait, this part is single notes? I’d use power chords for all of it.’ There’d be weird bends or sudden picking harmonics (laughs). And I’d think, ‘Do I have to do this every time?’ (laughs). RUKI’s songs have a lot of riffs like that, so it took quite a bit of effort to internalize them."

■ Interviewer: So, it's impressive that you don’t say "impossible" to that. In the song written by RUKI, the rough guitar intro of "GUSH" is really cool, isn’t it?

Uruha: "Yeah, that coolness comes from RUKI's strong commitment. I did it quickly on my own and handed it over, but he said the sound quality was different. He wanted it to be more noisy. So I was like, 'Huh, even more?' (laughs). That meant it wasn't just a matter of guitar gain levels anymore; it ended up being crushed with a crusher (an effect that gives strong distortion), like 'There's no choice but to destroy it completely' (laughs). That's how we shaped it."

■ Interviewer: Quite extreme (laughs). The beginning goes punkish, but you're playing mechanical riffs in the interlude, right?

Uruha: "I actually put a lot of effort into those riffs. It had an industrial feel, conveyed only with the image of a whammy (an effect that smoothly changes the pitch of the guitar). RUKI's demo had the guitar going 'wooooon wooooon' only, and he wanted it to sound really good. So I was like, 'Huh?' (laughs). Even with the whammy, the sound just gets lame (laughs). So, after a lot of trial and error, we finally used a ring modulator that produces whammy and octave effects. It's quite simple in terms of what we did, but I think it turned into a riff with a strong impact."

■ Interviewer: That riff has a nuance like a synthesizer, which seems to leverage your use of synths in albums like "DIVISION."

Uruha: "That could be true. Also, when creating sounds for the GazettE's SE, there were many scenes where I destructively broke the sound or made explosive noises. I learned a lot from that, it has expanded my repertoire. Another thing is that stopping recording live amps and doing it through a line allows you to revert when you go too far. That sense of security enables us to boldly try things."

■ Interviewer: From those aspects, one can feel that you've really mastered digital equipment. Another thing, on this album, you handled the mixing for "THE MORTAL," "BABYLON'S TABOO," and also "99.999," right?

Uruha: "Yeah, I started mixing myself because I wanted to figure out how to properly showcase the guitar. If I didn't put myself in the position of an engineer, I couldn't argue or suggest anything to them. There were a lot of things about the mix that I wasn't satisfied with before. Like, I'd think the guitar sound was thin and wanted it thicker, but then they'd say, 'The original recording height...' It was frustrating, you know? I thought, 'I've put in a reasonable amount of effort and used good equipment, so it shouldn't sound thin.' But I lacked knowledge, and it wasn't just about using good equipment. I wanted that assurance, so I decided to mix it myself. However, I've been doing this for quite some time, so it wasn't like I started anew for this album."

■ Interviewer: I see. However, you need knowledge to do mixing work. How did you go about acquiring that?

Uruha: "I'm self-taught. I didn't learn from anyone; I researched and learned on my own. Also, mixing work is somewhat related to creating guitar sounds, so it's similar in feeling. There's a desire to improve the band's sound. So, rather than a major decision, it feels like an extension of creating guitar sounds."

■ Interviewer: You can tell you're a genuine music lover. So, what do you focus on and value when mixing your own tracks?

Uruha: "During this work, I realized that when I mix my own songs, I need to cherish the initial feeling of 'I want this song to be like this' that I had when I first created it. I absolutely hate it when it changes midway and I end up thinking, 'Wait, what kind of song did I want to make again?' I wanted to protect that initial impulse, at least for my own songs. Ultimately, when making a piece of work, the skill of an engineer can greatly influence and change it, sometimes against my wishes. So, I focused on preserving the original feeling when I made the song."

■ Interviewer: I think that's something listeners will really appreciate.

Uruha: "It's the same with live performances—when the PA gets involved, the members' intentions don't always get conveyed accurately. Even if we want to balance things well, sometimes the audience hears it in a skewed way because the PA is working to make their job easier. It’s better if the band can shape the sound themselves. If we understand the difficulty of achieving a good balance live, that's just part of the process. I wanted to know more about these aspects."

■ Interviewer: It seems like your mixes will keep improving. Now, "NINTH" has become an album showcasing new charms of the GazettE. Along with the album release, we’re also looking forward to the tour starting in July.

Uruha: "The album 'NINTH' is a work designed for the tour, packed with things we want to do live. As I mentioned before, it's about bringing out that emotional aspect. I have a clear vision for this kind of live performance, so I think we can start the tour on a strong note. With 'DOGMA,' the goal was to present the image of 'DOGMA' on tour, focusing on what the GazettE would do rather than on myself. This time, I can concentrate on what I want to do individually and what I want to show as a guitarist. I'm really looking forward to delivering that kind of live performance."

■ Interviewer: Around the release of your previous album "DOGMA," the GazettE had many opportunities to reflect on its journey with the "Redefinition tour," the 13th-anniversary live, and the 15th-anniversary live. Did this influence how you felt before starting the new album?

Aoi: "It was quite natural. Looking back at the past, I didn't have a moment where I thought, 'Yes, I'm definitely this kind of guitarist.' Even during the 'redefinition' phase, it wasn't so much about how I was back then but more about the songs and the youthfulness of the band. In that context, I was always working as my current self at the time, so there's no consistent style."

■ Interviewer: So, it's more about providing what the songs and the band need rather than asserting your own style?

Aoi: "Especially recently, yes. Although the other members are like that too, in the past, I was more intense (laughs). I had a strong attachment to staging, certain things were absolutely non-negotiable. Nowadays, we focus more on how to present ourselves as a band rather than as individuals. So, both in staging and playing, I've become more flexible. However, this doesn't mean I can't do what I want. I enjoy various approaches and playing styles. Playing heavy riffs is fun, and so is using crunch tones to bring out the chords. There’s nothing I don’t want to do style-wise. So, I really enjoy playing guitar in the GazettE. Long-time fans might think Aoi has become more subdued lately, but I feel more naturally part of the band now."

■ Interviewer: In long-lasting bands, members often find the right position for themselves. With this mindset, what were your thoughts going into the creation of "NINTH"?

Aoi: "When I listened to the submitted songs, I thought there was a lot of variety again. There were heavy songs, and delicate ones like the seventh track, 'その声は脆く' (Sonokoe wa Moroku). I wasn't confused by the variety; I felt ready to handle any song. I’ve always been something of a jack-of-all-trades, even outside of music (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Really? I don't see it that way.

Aoi: "Is that so? I feel I can't dive deep into things. Uruha, for example, dives headfirst into things and steadily improves, but I'm not like that."

■ Interviewer: I don't think being versatile is the same as being a jack of all trades. You have your own style, and you're the type who can apply it in various situations, right?

Aoi: "True, I have a core, but everything else is quite broad and shallow (laughs). As a trade-off, though, I can adapt to almost anything. Lately, all the members have become capable of playing guitar, so during the demo stage, the phrases are often already solidified. Still, I make sure to assert myself with the guitar phrases. If I think the demo's guitar phrase is good, I'll reproduce it, but when I change it, I change it completely. Band cohesion is my top priority, but if I feel it's better to expand the demo phrase or the scene, I'll suggest a broader approach. That’s been my stance recently, and it hasn’t changed this time either."

■ Interviewer: That seems like a good approach. When creating songs for the album, what did you focus on?

Aoi: "This time, we didn’t have a specific concept for the album when we started. With "DOGMA," we had a strong concept from the beginning, aiming to create a work that would become like a scripture. But this time, we didn’t have that. RUKI probably had a vague idea of the album, but it wasn’t solidified enough to put into words. So, at first, we just started making songs individually, and various worldviews emerged. When RUKI mentioned a direction for the songs, it wasn’t a motif like in "DOGMA." It was more like, ‘Let’s proceed with this musical style.’ So, we started creating with just that direction in mind (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Perhaps RUKI wanted to clarify the overall vision of the album by listening to the submitted songs.

Aoi: "Maybe so. That's why this time it didn't feel like a selection meeting in the traditional sense. It was more about building upon the musical direction Ruki had mentioned and choosing the best among what each of us had written. So, it felt like an audition in a way."

■ Interviewer: So, regarding the song Utsusemi, was it chosen from various songs you made, not something you created with a fixed decision?

Aoi: "Yes. I made many songs and proposed them at each selection meeting, but there wasn’t a direct response like, ‘This song is good.’ RUKI created songs with a vision of wanting this one at the end of the album or this one in the middle. He couldn’t see which songs would connect well. As a result, the songs kept piling up without deciding whether to adopt them or not (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: But in the end, you could choose the best from a rich pool of candidate songs. What was your thought process in writing Utsusemi?

Aoi: "This song was one of those created without a clear answer to the need for a mid-album track. I wrote Utsusemi long before I had a clear vision of "NINTH." I was still exploring how to approach it, so personally, I think the songs I made after Utsusemi are more complete, reflecting the atmosphere of "NINTH." But suddenly, RUKI started saying he thought that song I had brought in at the beginning would fit well, and that's how this song got included. That's all good, but when it came to making 'NINTH,' I had thought to avoid making songs of this type. There’s this perception of ‘this is Aoi's position’ (laughs). Even in interviews, it becomes a topic, and I wanted to avoid that. I always create various types of songs, but they often don’t fit and aren’t adopted. In the end, it turned out to be a song like this again this time (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: That’s because your emotional sense is a significant element of the GazettE. Whether Utsusemi is included or not greatly affects the impression of "NINTH."

Aoi: "I hope so. But honestly, I want people to understand that I don't intend to create songs of this position. This time, I came up with the melody myself, but until now, it was Ruki's melodies, so it was like a collaboration with Ruki. It always ends up in that position, like, 'Huh? Again?' (laughs). I want people to know that I also create intense songs, not just songs like Utsusemi. Please make this sentence bold (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: (laughs). Even if it wasn’t your initial intention, “Utsusemi” is an emotional and melodious mid-tempo tune, a truly great song. It also introduces new elements, such as the use of synth riffs.

Aoi: "For this song, RUKI wanted the chorus to feel soft, so I completely reworked the chorus to match the melody. But apart from that, the demo was almost in its final form. The synth riff was in my head from the moment I created the song. The intro and first verse have the synth and guitar in unison. That’s about which phrases to emphasize. I felt that nothing extra was needed and thought there weren't many examples of synth and guitar unison. So, I made them unison, and for the second verse, I harmonized the guitar and synth."

■ Interviewer: The expansive feel in the second verse is exquisite. The guitar solo flows beautifully and is a highlight.

Aoi: "Really? I feel like I could have done more with the solo if I had more time. I was satisfied when I recorded it, but listening to it now, I think it’s a bit rough."

■ Interviewer: I don’t think it’s rough at all.

Aoi: "No, it’s rough. Maybe I feel that way because it’s my own work. It’s not that it’s bad, but I think I could have polished it a bit more."

■ Interviewer: Including the sexy sound with the octaver, it’s a great solo. Speaking of guitars, let’s talk about the guitars on “NINTH.” Did you have any themes for the guitars this time?

Aoi: "We recorded 'Falling' at the end of last year, ahead of the other songs, which served as a pre-production recording for the album. Initially, I played with a sound in mind for the next step, but that expectation was shattered. In a good way… We understood what the band desired in terms of sound."

■ Interviewer: What kind of sound were you aiming for?

Aoi: "DOGMA had a very modern finish. Personally, I’m not very good with modern guitar sounds, so I wanted to bring it back to my own style. But the band was in a modern sound mode. Making a modern sound is easy, but I didn’t want to do the same thing again. So, I thought I’d propose a sound I had in mind. Although it didn’t make it in time for 'Falling,' I started crafting the sound I envisioned using my equipment. It took shape, but I felt it was a bit forced. Not that I disliked the sound, but in the process of adjusting it with various methods and EQ, I realized it would be better to use equipment that naturally produced that sound."

■ Interviewer: Does that mean you used simulators for direct recording?

Aoi: "No, I used a pretty standard setup in an analog way, playing through a cab (speaker box) and miking it. Uruha, on the other hand, created his sound entirely digitally using simulations. I was concerned about the atmosphere and asked him not to stray too far from it. When one person uses digital and the other uses analog, if we don’t consider each other’s sounds, the balance of the two guitars’ atmospheres can become odd."

■ Interviewer: That’s true. So, did you two align your approaches? The result sounds very natural, as if both guitars were recorded in the same manner.

Aoi: "Maybe, but when we made the ballad best (TRACES VOL.2), Uruha packaged the sound he wanted to create entirely through simulation. The difference in atmosphere was very noticeable. So, I wanted to consolidate the band’s overall atmosphere a bit more if he continued using simulators. Even though we used different methods, we discussed wanting to consolidate the band's ambiance a bit more… That's what I talked about. I think Uruha put a lot of effort into his sound creation this time as well."

■ Interviewer: He mentioned that. Still, I’m a bit surprised. The balance seems well-achieved.

Aoi: "When the digital player moves towards analog and the analog player towards digital, it comes together well (laughs). Neither the two guitarists nor the band consciously tried to match the sounds this time. Each of us thought about our own sound, considering how the band would ultimately be heard. Being analog, I lacked the closeness in sound that digital provides. Analog has a sense of space, while digital’s closeness is hard to replicate. Knowing Uruha’s sound would stick to the ears, I aimed for a sound as close to the ear as possible. I insisted on analog because I believe it offers a different power compared to purely digital processing. I wanted to package the feel of air vibrating from the cab. But I didn’t want the digital closeness to overpower the phrases either. That was a conflict, but Uruha left space for both guitars to be heard, which allowed us to blend them well."

■ Interviewer: The proximity of the guitars is perfect. You can clearly hear the nuances of the guitar.

Aoi: "This album feels very raw. 'DOGMA' made the sounds of both of us quite similar, and the album had a lot of mechanical processing to synchronize unison riffs. That was suitable for the world view of 'DOGMA,' but when it came time to create something true to ourselves this time, I thought this kind of roughness was good. After all, it's something humans do, and each person values different aspects of the sound. Packaging that again at this timing is significant for the band. If we erased our individualities, the work would become boring. I believe a band creates something unexpectedly great by clashing individualities."

■ Interviewer: I agree. The advancement of equipment has created an environment where different approaches can be utilized effectively. In the past, you would have been forced to align our methods.

Aoi: "That's right. If one of us had said they wanted to go digital, we would have ended up both going digital for the sake of research. But this time, we didn't do that at all, and I was able to work on my sound independently for the first time in a while. Previously, there was always someone in the studio because we were bringing the two guitars together. But this time, everyone was gone (laughs). REITA, for instance, would say, 'I'm done recording my bass, so I'll take off,' and he’d leave (laughs). He would record his bass from the morning and leave around the best time in the afternoon. I would start when it got dark, just when I wanted to go home (laughs). And I’d be alone (laughs). Recording guitars that way and still managing to bring them together nicely in the end is only possible in this day and age. It would have been impossible in the past, I think."

■ Interviewer: I agree. So, what equipment did you use for the recording of "NINTH"?

Aoi: "I used my signature model from ESP for the guitar. That guitar has a bit of a sharp sound, or you could say it has an edgy tone. It's not typically the sound the members of the GazettE prefer, but it fit well this time. 'NINTH' really captures the current sound of the five of us, which I think is great. By the way, for the 11th track 'ABHOR GOD,' I used the same Dragonfly guitar as Uruha. Although the amps were different, the tonal range of the two guitars matched. If you listen to 'ABHOR GOD' compared to the other tracks knowing that, you'll notice how unified the guitar tones are."

■Interviewer: That’s definitely something to check out. What kind of amps did you use?

Aoi: "When we were recording 'Falling', I talked with the engineer about wanting that kind of sound, so we decided to use the 5150. Marshall amps have a strong high end, so we thought the 5150, with its rich mids, would be better. We rented one to try it out and it sounded great, so we decided to use it. Then, the engineer ended up buying a 5150 (laughs). He said, 'There was a cheap used one available, so I bought it.' We ended up with about three 5150s: an older model, a current one, and a slightly modified one. I liked the early model 5150 the best for its rawness. I don't dislike the modern sound of the current model; it fits better for ballads and vocal songs. But for aggressive tracks, I used the old 5150. So, I mainly used my guitar, and just a few compact effects."

■ Interviewer: You managed to cover a wide range of styles and approaches with simple equipment. How was the guitar playing aspect?

Aoi: "Since many of the songs were written by others, it was overall quite challenging (laughs). Especially the riff work. It's difficult when non-guitarists create riffs. Also, when recording the riffs, I did a lot of punching in (recording in sections), which made playing them through difficult (laughs). The sound would cut off at the punching points, and I’d have to figure out whether the resonance from the previous sound was needed or not. Those things made the riffs challenging."

■ Interviewer: You reproduced the demo riffs faithfully without changing them to suit your style?

Aoi: "I recreated the main riffs. But as I mentioned earlier, it's important to incorporate my own color into the music. So, I first consider what the composer intended with the riff. Does this phrase need to be there or not? I didn't want to remove something they were particular about, which would go against their intent. I carefully thought about these aspects while shaping the phrases. Some parts stayed as in the demo, while others changed. For delicate songs like 'Sonokoe wa Moroku', I wanted to showcase my style. I was particular about those songs, as well as 'Utsusemi. I remember paying close attention to the details."

■ Interviewer: Songs like 'Sonokoe wa Moroku, 'Utsusemi', and 'UNFINISHED' have a precise approach and the guitar's gain (distortion) is just right.

Aoi: "I was very particular about that. Heavy songs are simpler (laughs). It's like, if that song is like this, then this song should be like this too (laughs). But those three songs were seriously meticulous. I hope readers of this interview keep that in mind while listening."

■ Interviewer: You can enjoy not only the solid and heavy guitar sound but also the light guitar charm and the pleasant resonance of the chords. How do you feel now that 'NINTH' is complete?

Aoi: "I really feel relieved that we finished it (laughs). The schedule was cutting it really close, especially in the latter half of the production."

■ Interviewer: Really? But I thought you reduced the number of live performances last year to focus on making the album...

Aoi: "Well, we did start early and made proper progress, but our dear RUKI is the type who, if he has time, wants to obsess over every detail (laughs). So no matter how much time we have, it always ends up being right up to the deadline. But that’s because of his strong sense of responsibility towards the band, so I can’t really tell him to hurry up. It’s like, ‘I’ll wait for you, really’ (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: I see (laughs). What was your impression when you listened to the finished album, considering all that thrill?

Aoi: "I listened to the album in full for the first time during mastering, and as expected, I passed out (laughs). We worked from the day before until midday the next day, and went straight into mastering, so I blacked out (laughs). The next day, I listened to it carefully and, compared to 'DOGMA,' there are some rough parts, but I felt that added to its humanity. It really captured our current, real selves, and I enjoyed listening to it a lot. The excitement I felt was greater than with our last few works. And you know, 'NINTH' is like, 'We're satisfied with it, now what do you all think?' kind of album. It's not like 'Listen to this great album!' It's more like 'This is us, what do you think?' kind of vibe. We've been doing the GazettE for 16 years now, and I think that's just fine."

■ Interviewer: I'm sure the listeners will feel that excitement too. I'm also looking forward to the tour with 'NINTH'.

Aoi: "'DOGMA' was artistic, with a vibe of 'This is our worldview, please listen!' But 'NINTH' shows our real, down-to-earth selves, so I think the live atmosphere will be quite different. The last tour had a strong theatrical element, but I think this tour will be full of live energy. That's the feeling I get, but because we're the GazettE (laughs), you never know until you open the lid. Maybe we won't know until the second day after the first day of the tour (laughs). It was exactly like that with 'DOGMA' (laughs). So, I don’t know what the tour will be like, but I have a good feeling we’ll put on great shows, so I hope everyone looks forward to it."

■ Interviewer: First, I’d like to ask about your approach to the songs on "NINTH." You add accents depending on the style of the song, but do you generally take a position that supports the bottom without standing out too much?

Reita: "Yes, that’s right. I’ve been that kind of bassist for about ten years now. I do move around at key points, but I think that’s what the bass should do. If it were a one-guitar setup, it might have been different. Plus, our vocalist uses a lot of words, and often includes choruses during interludes, I generally play to let other parts shine more. I want to be in the best shape for the song, and if I play with the feeling of wanting to hear my own phrases, I feel like the band wouldn't last long (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: I see (laughs). From the demo stage, do the other members incorporate the bass line with your style in mind?

Reita: "Sometimes it works out that way, and sometimes they tell me that they want me to move more in certain parts that were initially placeholders. I interpret it in my own way, thinking maybe I should support the bottom here or move around a bit there if there’s space. 'Falling' wasn’t moving in the original song either. It’s not that I particularly want to move the bass line, but I don’t mind moving either (laughs). It’s just about finding a balance where the bass stands out in a good way. Of course, I support the parts where the guitar comes in intricately, and I think I’m doing a good job of finding that balance on my own."

■ Interviewer: In songs like 'Uragiru Bero,' we can hear your driving, standout phrasing.

Reita: "Recently, we’ve been doing a lot of unison playing, but 'Uragiru Bero' incorporates the visual kei sensibility that we’re familiar with. The melody line has a bit of an old-fashioned feel, and RUKI wanted that kind of bass vibe too, so I understood what he meant."

■ Interviewer: It's like blending the nostalgic visual kei elements of yesteryears with the current sense of the GazettE.

Reita: "Yeah. I think those who feel this as nostalgic are probably our generation. Teenagers today probably wouldn't find it nostalgic; they might even feel it's an atmosphere they've never experienced."

■ Interviewer: Are there other songs where you've changed your approach?

Reita: "For example, 'THE MORTAL' and 'BABYLON'S TABOO' had different playing styles, using only the thumb to strike. I'm quietly doing various things, but stealing the listener's ears with the bass isn't my thing."

■ Interviewer: Oh really?

Reita: "Yeah. After all, it's all about the song itself... I'm not looking to have a bass battle (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: However, when REITA was a kid, he was excited by bassists who dazzled with flashy phrasing, right?

Reita: "Yeah, that's right. I wanted to copy them... So I think maybe I'm not the type who kids would idolize now (laughs). But, for example, the cool bands abroad that I like these days, their bass lines hardly move. They often create a mass of unison with guitars, and that's what I feel is 'good sound.' If I were playing something completely different from the guitar in an independent manner, it wouldn't resonate as a cohesive sound, and to me, that wouldn't feel like 'good sound.' So, I try to focus on phrases that contribute to what I perceive as 'good sound.' But the challenging part with the GazettE is that even in unison songs, everyone starts arranging things in the chorus, so creating sound becomes difficult. If it were just unison, feeling the bass would be enough, but when you want to hear the phrases, you start to feel the need for a bit more midrange, and that's the difficulty."

■ Interviewer: Tuning has also become lower.

Reita: "Yeah, that's right. So, sometimes I feel there's a contradiction between the sound I want to produce and the phrases I'm playing."

■ Interviewer: Also, the straightforward 8-beat rush in "UNFINISHED" must resonate with your roots.

Reita: "Yes. But I'm sure 'UNFINISHED,' for example, might feel surprisingly placed here now. I've become part of such a band without even realizing it, but in my mind, it's neither surprising nor anything else—it's right at the heart of our roots."

■ Interviewer: I can picture you vividly playing it live.

Reita: "Yes, so the bass phrase moves only in the last chorus, but originally it moved in the first and second choruses as well. But I imagined how it would look on DVD. It might become a song we play as an encore in five years. Like when we used to play 'Shunsetsu no koro.' In such moments, I want to play while looking around rather than being engrossed in playing during the chorus, so I kept the movement only in the last part."

■ Interviewer: Wow, I didn't expect you to think that far ahead!

Reita: "It was more of a feeling that I wanted to strum a bit more. I hope it becomes a song that holds that kind of position."

■ Interviewer: I wanted to ask if 'UNFINISHED' could become a second 'TOMORROW NEVER DIES' for you.

Reita: "Ah, yes, well (laughs). Who knows."

■ Interviewer: It seems quite challenging to surpass a song that has embedded itself so deeply in your heart and undergone rapid growth.

Reita: "Yes, but we have to surpass them, right? There's a song that made me think, 'I can't win with just what I've built up, I have to compete with what I've stacked up. So, we might have to overwrite the old songs for that. But that depends on the tour. It’s about how much we can nurture it during the tour."

■ Interviewer: Also, 'UNFINISHED' feels like it goes by quickly. It leaves you wanting to hear more.

Reita: "Really? Well, the same goes for live performances; it’s better to end just when people want to see a bit more. You don’t want them looking at the clock. Like with movies, if you start checking how much time is left, that movie becomes a failure for me (laughs). 'UNFINISHED' wasn’t intended to stand out or be in a special position; it’s just one of the 12 tracks we naturally created. It was surprising that people focused on this song so much. It made me realize how dark our band had become (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Hahaha. Fans who've known the GazettE for a long time would understand that you excel in such songs. You carry the pride of visual kei, but there’s no pressure, right?

Reita: "There wasn’t any. But I do feel relieved that I finally got to do this kind of song, though. Well, in the past, there might have been times when we could have done it but deliberately chose not to. If this kind of song is in every album, the impression might get diluted, you know?"

■ Interviewer: So, when you finally draw your sword, does it feel satisfying?

Reita: "Is it satisfying? Well, I won't know until we do it live… (laughs). If it becomes a song that makes everyone emotional when played at the end of an encore in a few years, that would be great. It's not easy to surpass old songs like 'Shunsetsu no koro' or 'Miseinen.' There's a part of me that wants to perform classic songs like my favorite artists do."

■ Interviewer: But, there is also the example of "TOMORROW NEVER DIES" rising up that high.

Reita: "Yes, that's right. So, in the long run, as I mentioned earlier, if it becomes a song positioned for the last encore someday, by then, I think I can relax and perform it. So, for a while, I'll probably play it cool (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: By the way, there was talk about everyone being in their natural element, so did the songwriting process itself happen quickly?

Reita: "No, at the first song selection meeting, we played the songs and everyone listened and went 'Hmm…' and then fell silent… and then there was 'Should we go home today?' kind of feeling."

■ Interviewer: Scary! I wouldn't want to be there (laughs).

Reita: "We didn't even discuss things like 'Should we do it this way?' Maybe everyone was just troubled. So, it didn't come together clearly from the beginning."

■ Interviewer: So, none of the songs from the initial selection remain?

Reita: "No, there's not a single one. The second time, we brought out 'Falling,' and the other songs came even later. My memory is a bit vague, but 'Falling' is the standard that came out after much deliberation."

■ Interviewer: Considering the history of the GazettE, it was a luxury to let people listen to the opening track of the album for free.

Reita: "That's right. Speaking of luxury, we were able to record just this one song in advance, and we spent many days in the studio for pre-production, trying out different sounds and doing a preliminary recording before the actual recording. We experimented with various sounds by changing the pattern of the bass cabinet and line recording, and playing with different basses. So, making the sound for this album wasn't really that hard."

■ Interviewer: Ah, it was because of that timing.

Reita: "Yes. I think it was possible because we spent plenty of time on 'Falling'."

■ Interviewer: As a result, this method proved effective overall. So, recording the bass went smoothly?

Reita: "I can't say definitively… I was the judge myself, so I listened very carefully. I was looking at the waveforms on the screen, and if the volume dropped even slightly due to rough picking, I would redo it. So, it took more time than usual, but the convenience of re-amping outweighed it. If this were in the past, I would have played repeatedly to tweak the knobs for sound creation, and by the time we were ready to record, my fingers would have been a bit swollen. Eliminating these issues allows for a calm judgment of the sound. Also, recording in two different patterns allows flexibility during mixing if we want to make changes."

■ Interviewer: Isn't it difficult to judge by yourself?

Reita: "Well, basically, I've always been the one to judge. In the end, I would let everyone listen and there would be exchanges like 'Wouldn't it be better to do it this way?' But we didn't have a producer telling us what to do. Since I did it alone, I could listen to just the bass part or only the bass and drums as much as I wanted, so I could be thorough. However, compared to before, it feels less like making an album. For example, after playing in the studio and saying 'It's done!' and calling everyone to the lobby to listen together—that kind of thing isn't there anymore."

■ Interviewer: Certainly, those are the charms of being in a band.

Reita: "Also, from this time, we changed engineers, and it was different from the way we had done it for about seven years, which I think was a good change."

■ Interviewer: It was two external people and Uruha, right?

Reita: "Yes. We couldn't have finished in time otherwise (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: So, the work progressed simultaneously?

Reita: "Yes, really. For the mix, it used to be two songs a day. But on the first day, we had to do four songs a day… But somehow it went quite smoothly."

■Interviewer: You found out you can do it if you try.

Reita: "Yes. And if it goes well, we might have the current engineer handle the live sound as a PA. After all, it's better to have someone who understands the sound we want to produce."

■ Interviewer: Someone who stayed up with you all night and accompanied you extensively (laughs). Almost like being of one mind.

Reita: "Yes (laughs). It feels like we have a similar sense… For example, if I say 'this low part,' it's hard to convey in terms of frequency. But if I say 'the growling part'... When I say those things, our understanding aligns quite well. 'Ah, around here?' 'Yes, exactly,' that kind of quick communication.

■ Interviewer: It seems like you had good chemistry with this engineer.

Reita: "Yes. So with 'Uragiru Bero,' the initial mix didn’t quite capture the bass well, but when the engineer took it back and said, 'I'll tweak it a bit,' the next version he brought back didn’t need any further adjustments. It reaffirmed that our senses were indeed similar."

■ Interviewer: These nuances that can’t be conveyed through frequencies are important. How did you manage that in a process primarily involving data exchange?

Reita: "We used LINE to the fullest (laughs). Among the members, we would communicate in abstract terms like ‘a bit more spread out,’ and I would even send handwritten tab sheets via photo. We didn’t use technical jargon, but everyone could understand it, so I guess we’re in sync with each other."

■ Interviewer: Do you use your smartphone for LINE messages?

Reita: "I use both my smartphone and my computer, but mostly my smartphone."

■ Interviewer: On a side note, isn't it challenging to handle such exchanges on a smartphone?

Reita: "Honestly, I’d love to uninstall LINE (laughs). I actually resent the widespread use of smartphones. You can always be reached by anyone, which I really dislike. There are times when you don’t want to be disturbed and need your own time. On a fundamental level, when the phone rings, it makes me really anxious. But we couldn't avoid using it given the time constraints (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Right (laughs). But it's really painful to type out lengthy replies on a smartphone when bombarded with questions on LINE.

Reita: "I get that. And then, while typing, you get another message, so you have to start over. It’s annoying. I really wanted us to meet in person. We used to gather every week on a specific day, but this time, due to our tight schedules, we had to handle our tasks individually. However, it was worth it because we didn’t have to compromise, and we achieved a lot."

■ Interviewer: Did your previous experiences help in the video production this time as well?

Reita: "Yes. This time, RUKI and I primarily took the lead in making the 'Falling' MV and the promotional video. The promotional video involved a lot of text and effects, while the MV focused on cutting scenes, so it didn’t require as much skill. However, there were so many scenes that we couldn't fit everything in. It’s better to have too much material than too little, so it was a good problem to have."

■ Interviewer: There have been times when there wasn’t enough material, right?

Reita: "Yeah, it was tough when there wasn’t enough. But this time, we had so much material that we had to decide what to cut, and it was hard because we didn't want to cut anything. As a result, the scenes featuring the members might be a bit fewer, which could leave fans wanting more (laughs). However, I think the quality is the best in the history of the GazettE."

■ Interviewer: Yes. And I couldn’t believe you actually blew up a car.

Reita: "In this day and age, it’s great that we could do something like that."

■ Interviewer: When the staff first mentioned that you were going to destroy a car, I thought, "Are you really that kind of American band?" But after watching the video, I understood.

Reita: "Oh, yes, yes. It’s not like we’re making 'Fast and Furious' or anything (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: I’m glad the nuance came across (laughs).

Reita: "RUKI was also working on it simultaneously. He handled most of the editing, and I helped with the parts he couldn't finish, adjusting colors and fixing the shakiness. We worked on the video for about five days. We even stayed up all night for the final member check. We'll probably be making new videos again soon... but for now, I just want to enjoy the completion of the album."

■ Interviewer: Haha. Regarding the tour setlist, do you plan to follow the flow of this album?

Reita: That’s one way to do it, but since there are slightly fewer songs on this album compared to "DOGMA," we’ll include some older songs. I think they’ll blend in seamlessly. Whether we include songs from "DOGMA" or even older tracks, it shouldn’t feel out of place. This will make selecting the setlist quite challenging. With "DOGMA," it was easier because it was clear which songs fit. This time, with the inclusive nature of "NINTH," it’s a lot more difficult.

■ Interviewer: In a band interview, there was a discussion about whether the audience will participate in the chorus for 'ABHOR GOD.'

Reita: "It might be difficult, but I definitely want them to join in (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Yes (laughs). Personally, 'BREAK ME' came to mind. With its hand claps and chorus, it seemed like an arena rock number meant for audience participation. But it disappeared from the setlist surprisingly quickly. I imagine the live reaction wasn’t what you expected?

Reita: "Yeah, that was tough. Honestly, I thought 'BREAK ME' would be a killer tune. But when we played it, it was like, "Oh…?" (laughs). It disappeared almost immediately. We even tried to hype it up by releasing black balloons during the second performance, but that backfired. It made us realize we weren’t that kind of band (laughs). So we quickly dropped it. But I still really like "BREAK ME." Some fans do too. It might look different now if we performed it, but it probably won’t happen (laughs).

■ Interviewer: You never know how a song will go over live until you try it.

Reita: "Yeah. I was disappointed too. We gave up on it before it could fully develop. There’s a bit of regret, but we’re determined not to let that happen with the new songs.

■ Interviewer: With such a wide range of content, I’m excited to see how each song will unfold live.

Reita: "Yes. 'NINTH' feels like it could be our first album. It shows that the GazettE hasn't discarded anything."

■ Interviewer: Despite not intentionally changing, some people might say they prefer your early or mid-period work.

Reita: "Yes, I understand that feeling. We don’t feel like we’ve changed, but we get comments about how the old stuff was better or how people prefer our early or mid-period work. I understand that sentiment because I’ve felt that way about other bands. But we believe the latest work is the coolest, and we present it as such. If we were to make our first album now, it would likely be this lineup of songs.

■ Interviewer: I see.

Reita: "If this album had a stronger metal smell, people might think we changed after 'DOGMA.' But we make sure not to go in that direction."

■ Interviewer: You’re not a band that wants to stick to just one thing.

Reita: "Exactly. We don't want to be pigeonholed into one genre. As long as our live shows are enjoyable, that's what matters. We wouldn’t release CDs if we didn’t perform live. The album is meant to make our live shows fun. You could even say it’s an excuse to tour (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: After the whirlwind days, are you finally able to take a breather now?

Kai: "Well, I always think that taking a breather at this point is one of my bad habits. Now that the album production is over, I'm thinking if there's anything we've missed for the next step. Usually, I'd relax a bit while imagining the tour, casually considering my practice routines, but now I'm trying to organize everything, checking if the band is missing anything."

■ Interviewer: So you're intentionally keeping the tension high.

Kai: "Yes, I'm organizing the finer details. Not that everyone in the band needs to worry about it; it’s enough if one person thinks about it. There are always a lot of last-minute issues before a tour, so I'm trying to prevent that by planning ahead. It’s just that I'm being extra cautious without any deeper meaning (laughs). I'm trying to delegate tasks early on and have meetings about the stage setup that we usually push back."

■ Interviewer: I see. Regarding the drumming on "NINTH," it seems you had to play with a lot of precision while adapting to the wide variety of songs.

Kai: "Yes. Well, it's nothing new (laughs). Our previous albums also had a variety of songs because we like a diverse balance, so it's natural for different styles to emerge. For each song, I just approach it in a way that fits, and it's not like I opened up a lot of new possibilities. In the band interview, we mentioned how we did the recording and pre-production for 'ABHOR GOD' simultaneously. Basically, while I was creating the phrases, the members were listening and saying things like, 'How about this?' and then we recorded it on the spot. It was like, 'This has a live feel to it,' so we did it at that level. It was a recording where we built on what we had accumulated."

■ Interviewer: It's rare for the GazettE to handle irregular situations like that, but you managed well.

Kai: "If I could have my way, I'd prefer to spend time in the studio as usual, creating phrases instinctively, then thinking them over, communicating with the members, and making adjustments. So, I felt a bit less cautious this time (laughs). Naturally, I wished we could have taken more time."

■ Interviewer: On the other hand, it might have resulted in boldness that you wouldn't usually have.

Kai: "Yes, that might have brought some momentum. We ended up doing what we wanted. Normally, around this time, I’d be a bit tired of listening to the recordings. But now, I still have a pure listener's perspective and am engaging with 'NINTH' as a regular listener. Since the drum parts weren't meticulously crafted through detailed discussions, it feels fresh."

■ Interviewer: So all parts were created simultaneously.

Kai: "Yes. For example, with the tom rolls after the chorus in 'ABHOR GOD,' I thought about whether to make the phrases more structured for live performance or to let it flow more naturally, not too structured. I could only communicate with the members on the spot, and we decided on the latter, making it less structured. The other option was to use only toms, but we included a lot of snare too. But that made the snare parts feel too structured, so we decided against it. I ended up saying, 'I'll just play it roughly,' and when I did, they said, 'That works.'"

■ Interviewer: Although it was necessary, hearing such playstyles now is fresh and exciting for listeners.

Kai: "Yes, though other parts were similar. It wasn’t as rushed, but it was certainly tight. Instead of detailed listening, we quickly judged whether something was good or not. It was judged by the composers, usually, they might ask for specific rolls at certain points, but this time it was more abstract like, 'No, that's not quite right.'"

■ Interviewer: Honestly, it sounds tough (laughs).

Kai: "Well, yes (laughs). And when I tried a different approach, they'd say, 'Yeah, that's fine,' and that would be it."

■ Interviewer: Even though you were working under tight time constraints, there must have been a sense of mutual understanding and trust, like knowing what each other meant without needing to explain everything.

Kai: "Probably (laughs). That was the case with "Utsusemi" that Aoi composed. It required a lot of live drumming nuances that can't be captured by programming. Listening to Aoi, I understood he wanted those ghost notes, volume dynamics, and so on. It wasn't the phrase itself that was an issue but the way it was played. We communicated using programmed data, but it was clear we needed live recording. This level of understanding is a result of our 16 years together."

■ Interviewer: It was a method that worked precisely because of your long experience together.

Kai: "I think so. I wouldn't want to do it this way every time (laughs). But there were good aspects to it."

■ Interviewer: Though the recording process changed significantly, you still recorded the drums traditionally, right?

Kai: "Yes. For me, recording drums at home wouldn’t work."

■ Interviewer: For parts like those in 'UNFINISHED' and the straightforward beats in 'Utsusemi' did you feel more liberated as a drummer?

Kai: "When I first listened to 'UNFINISHED,' I didn't have any issues with the play or the phrases. I felt the same about 'Utsusemi' at first, but the B-melody’s groove was surprisingly tricky. It might seem easy to others, but for me, it was challenging. Musically, I tend to lean towards dotted eighth-note feels, but this time, it was more triplet-based. This created a mental block for me, as I naturally gravitate towards that dotted feel. Trying to swing it slightly made the song sound completely different."

■ Interviewer: Ah, I see.

Kai: "It didn’t fit at all. With the atmospheric arpeggio, my part felt oddly cheerful and out of place (laughs). This kind of difficulty is common with Uruha and Aoi’s songs. But with RUKI’s songs, I don't encounter that as much. It might be due to the different musical roots we've listened to or the fundamental differences in how we perceive rhythm."

■ Interviewer: With Uruha’s compositions, like "THE MORTAL" or "BABYLON'S TABOO."

Kai: "For 'BABYLON'S TABOO,' he brought a drum loop rhythm and said, 'This is the kind of drum feel I want.' The sound was unusual, quite percussive. It was a loop with sounds like roto-toms and a dry kick, not quite live. So, I had to think about how to replicate that feel in live play. Even the cymbals in the loop were very electronic. So, I started by communicating with Uruha. If he wanted a very electronic feel, I thought we might even consider using only pads."

■ Interviewer: I see, that's the approach you took.

Kai: "When we play 'BABYLON'S TABOO' live, I thought it might be better to use a drum pad on the side instead of a traditional drum set, but after talking it over, that wasn’t the image we wanted. So, I interpreted it as needing to rework the drums to fit that atmosphere. The main sound would be live drums, but there were parts where that wouldn't work. For example, after the chorus, Uruha wanted the toms to come through, but the phrase required more than just two arms. So, I decided to keep the live drums for the hi-hat, kick, and snare, but use programming for the toms after the chorus. How to handle this in a live setting is something we'll have to figure out, but it evolved from a very programmed sound to its current form."

■ Interviewer: I see. "BABYLON'S TABOO" has a seductive, ritualistic mood.

Kai: "When we were selecting songs, we specifically asked Uruha to compose a song with this feel. We thought this was Uruha's forte, and we asked him for a song that doesn’t fully climax. That’s how this song was created."

■ Interviewer: A song that intentionally doesn’t fully climax—interesting.

Kai: "Yes. Everyone understood that keyword, so I created my phrases to align with that. Similar to 'ABHOR GOD,' the idea was to bring out a nostalgic feel. I'm not sure if this is the right word, but I aimed for something beyond what words can describe."

■ Interviewer: While you show a low, grounded groove, "Uragiru Bero" features a fast beat, reminiscent of your early indie days.

Kai: "That's right. When I listen to music by younger bands, including those overseas, I often find them really skillful and impressive in terms of how many tricks they have up their sleeves. In that context, I don't have a wide variety of drum patterns, and as I said earlier, I don't deliberately try to expand my repertoire. But the GazettE has done various types of songs over the years, and I’ve adapted to them. My stance has always been to do whatever I can, and 'Uragiru Bero' is one of those tracks. If we were to do something like bossa nova or blues, then I’d think about expanding my repertoire (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: That’s hard to imagine (laughs).

Kai: "Haha! My goal is always to match the composer’s image as closely as possible, and if I can, surpass their expectations. I wish we had more time, but even if we did, I don't think the songs would have changed significantly. In the latter half of the recording, we worked on some tracks without vocals, but we have absolute trust in each other. Even if I couldn’t imagine the vocals, I knew they’d be great, so it was something to look forward to."

■ Interviewer: So, have you been listening to the finished product a lot?

Kai: "Recently, I've been listening to it constantly."

■ Interviewer: Since the final version took longer to come together, does it feel fresher than usual?

Kai: "Usually, by this time, I’m a bit tired of listening to the tracks repeatedly. I’d be listening with a more critical ear, thinking about how to perform certain parts live. But now, I’m still approaching 'NINTH' as a pure listener."

■ Interviewer: It’s your first original album since "DOGMA." Did the experience of making "TRACES VOL.2," which involved a lot of work from the members themselves, influence this album?

Kai: "Well, let’s see... not really. The recording process for that was very unique, so it didn’t affect me much. However, Uruha did all the engineering for 'TRACES VOL.2,' and that experience led him to want to handle some engineering himself this time (he engineered '99.999,' 'THE MORTAL,' and 'BABYLON'S TABOO')."

■ Interviewer: So, did revisiting your older songs from the "Dainippon Itangeisha" era during live performances provide any inspiration?

Kai: "It’s less about the specific songs and more about the phrases. It’s like, ‘Oh, we used to do stuff like this,’ so there might be some influence in that sense. I didn’t set out to reflect anything specific from those songs in the new album, but organizing live events like 'Boudouku Gudon no Sakura' and 'BURST INTO A BLAZE 3' brought back nostalgic tracks that we performed live… so that process might have influenced some of the phrases."

■ Interviewer: It must have been somewhat stimulating to revisit those early impulses that you might not be able to capture now.

Kai: "Yeah, when we play them now, the way we perceive the sounds is different. There are phrases where I think, ‘Oh, this is nice,’ and it’s hard to explain, but there’s a sense of timing unique to that period."

■ Interviewer: Timing, you say.

Kai: "Yes. The spacing between phrases, the way we handled the ‘ma’ (space), I found it to be quite good upon revisiting. It's probably at an unconscious level rather than something deliberate."

■ Interviewer: Those live performances were special, and I’m sure they left an impression. Many fans likely saw those songs as sealed away.

Kai: "As a band, we’ve always looked back to some extent. Not in a negative way, but we believe that the present is built on past experiences, so it’s impossible not to reflect on the past. Whether we show it straightforwardly or in a different mode varies, but we do reflect on it. But I was a bit surprised when Ruki suggested ''Boudouku Gudon no Sakura"."

■ Interviewer: That period was considered separate, right?

Kai: "Yes… exactly. It was an idea that went beyond what we understood up to that point. It was like, 'We're going that far?' I was surprised, but when we actually did it, it didn't seem so strange. So, in various ways, we've been reflecting on our past. At the same time, we have a fundamental desire to look forward and create new things. The GazettE is a band that can't neglect its past. There are some artists who can completely cut off their past and say, 'This is what I want to do now,' and I think that's a valid approach. They might have said something in the past but now say it doesn't matter anymore, but I don’t think that’s possible for the GazettE."

■ Interviewer: That’s partly because the GazettE is a band that has grown from the indie scene and carries the sentiments of the fans who have walked with you all this time.

Kai: "Of course, that's a big part of it. We pride ourselves on being a live band, so each song is directly connected to our live performances. While we fundamentally want to keep looking forward and creating new things, we are a band that can't neglect our past. It's not just about us; it's a space that only exists because there are people who empathize with us and appreciate us. Essentially, we're not just a recording band. That's why we have an inseparable relationship with our fans."

■ Interviewer: The creation process for this album has evolved, but it seems that the GazettE still retains its old-school mindset. RUKI often describes it as having a “gritty” quality.

"Exactly. We've really remained unchanged since the old days. This time, the album is simply our ninth one, hence the title 'NINTH.' For the GazettE, that simplicity is actually quite surprising, I think (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Indeed (laughs).

Kai: "For us, it’s a very natural progression."

■ Interviewer: In terms of essence, it feels similar to when you made 'BEAUTIFUL DEFORMITY,' where you returned to the GazettE's roots.

Kai: "Ah… that one didn't have a grand concept either, and the content wasn't biased; it had various songs. It was a quintessential GazettE album at that time. Certainly, it's a similar work. For albums with a more defined direction or concept, there’s 'DIVISION' and 'DOGMA'... and also 'DIM.' Well, 'DIM' ended up being what it was. That atmosphere... (laughs). It’s not negative, but it strongly reflected our state at the time. 'DOGMA' was deliberately made with a specific concept, and 'DIVISION' was a conceptual album aimed at blending styles with a digital taste. Looking back, those albums are rather unique."

■ Interviewer: The conceptual nature of 'DOGMA' and 'DIVISION' often makes them seem like the main essence of the GazettE.

Kai: "Yes. But if you take a step back, you should realize that the GazettE does many different things. Actually, there's another core principle that we stick to."

■ Interviewer: I think 'NINTH' is an album that reaffirms that.

Kai: "Yes. But I totally understand the sentiment. Even I was searching for a concept for this album at first, before 'Falling' was created. When we were making the promotional videos, I was looking for something that would define the next album. So when 'NINTH' became the official title, it felt very right to me."

■ Interviewer: Yes, I also searched for various interpretations of the album title.

Kai: "Right (laughs). Looking back now, 'BEAUTIFUL DEFORMITY' definitely happened because of 'DIVISION,' and 'NINTH' is happening because of 'DOGMA'… Each experience we've had creates its own unique color, so it naturally reflects the essence of that time. For instance, if we had released something like 'BEAUTIFUL DEFORMITY' right after 'DIVISION,' following 'DOGMA,' I think this 'NINTH' would have been a completely different album. That’s very GazettE-like, not disregarding the past. After releasing 'DOGMA,' we wanted to release a ballad best-of album. Normally, people might think, 'A ballad best-of album? That’s impossible.' But because it came after 'DOGMA,' it made sense. 'Oh, I kind of want to listen to that,' you know (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Your body must have been craving it (laughs).

Kai: "Exactly. The reason 'NINTH' took this shape is because it came after such a conceptual project."

■ Interviewer: The GazettE is a band that does what they like freely at any given moment.

Kai: "Yes, that’s the main principle. Basically, no one wants to do things they don’t like. I think all artists share that at a fundamental level."

■ Interviewer: Releasing 'NINTH' now and looking back at the flow of everything so far, it feels like the essence of this band has become clearer than ever.

Kai: "In that sense, this album should be very easy for fans to embrace. I hope they listen to it without any preconceived notions."

■ Interviewer: Moreover, I think people who have only had a vague impression of the GazettE until now might also take this opportunity to get to know them through this work.

Kai: "Yes, I think so too. When you look at the artwork of this album, you can feel the atmosphere and imagine various things. While it retains that GazettE-like essence, I hope people can listen to 'NINTH' with a fresh perspective, free from preconceived notions, and feel it as the latest album from the GazettE."

[justthemoonz]

In Stars and Time Character analysis - Loop until you've Changed

I haven't done a Character Analysis in a really long time, the last one that I did was for something relating Deltarune. But I really liked In Stars and Time and wanted to do a Character Analysis on one of my favorite characters from the game. Also known as "Loop" (I also made this analysis while in a DM with a friend, and I thought I'd share it here too).

This analysis will OBVIOUSLY have Spoilers for In Stars and Time so be warned of that... Anywho let's begin

First of all, this is mainly a few things I've gathered/noticed from my own playthrough, so it might not be FULLY correct (so feel free to correct me with anything about it, and I'll update it!!), I also will take into account the QnA for the game, but only a few specific things

Loop is a very interesting character, from start to end. But the thing that really made me wonder what Loop's deal was, was when they mentioned the "royal We" in my first conversation with them

After this, Siffrin will reply with "That doesn't make ANY sense."

To which Loop replies with something similar like "Ah, right, I guess it doesn't."

After that...

Loop tells you to call them by "they/them"

If you already know the deal with Loop, you don't need me to explain what makes this interesting, but if you still don't fully know, Loop is Siffrin from "Start Again: A Prologue", or at least it's heavily implied

So why does Loop specifically want you to refer to them with "they/them", as opposed to just having the same gender as Siffrin (he/they)?

We already know from the QnA that Loop doesn't actually mind he/him to be used on them, but they want to be called they/them for distinction

But I feel like there's a lot more than that to it, and that involves Siffrin not being happy with themself

At some point in the game, you can interact with a book about body craft, talking about how Siffrin wouldn't mind changing their body if they had the time, but they will still use the "meat prison" they are currently in for a little while

Which made me think, if Loop is meant to be Siffrin, isn't Loop just... a version of Siffrin who has gone through self reflection on their own journey?

Something like "I might have suffered a lot, but I've discovered myself better in the process"

Maybe the turning into a star person thing has more meaning than just being a cool design choice, maybe it's because during Loop's own journey as Siffrin, they've "ascended". We also know that Loop has no actual idea how they look like, up until Siffrin draws them (if you do that interaction), so there's that too

Which also makes me think that the Silver Coin situation might also have a bit more symbolism to it, especially when it involves Loop

Sure, they're both Siffrin on the surface, one side of the same coin, but we know that's not at all true when we get to...

The dagger scene

I think this was the point for me where I realized that the Siffrin we play as completely hates themself, and wouldn't mind just ending their own life, if it means it gets the job done faster

While Loop very clearly is against the idea

But why? If Loop was Siffrin, why would they care? Wouldn't they agree on it? Because they also hate themself, just like Siffrin does?

No, Loop doesn't hate themself, at least not anymore, and instead hates the idea of someone that is basically them, before this entire journey, seeing their own body as "nothing but something disposable and useless"

The Loop secret fight is also a different can worms, the only real explanation I have for that is Loop doesn't mind being Loop while Siffrin is stuck in an infinite Loop, but the moment they break it fully, Loop would rather throw away their own existance in order to be someone they used to be, just for the sake of being with the ones that used to care about them in their own adventure

Forcing themself to be someone they aren't anymore

That's about it for this analysis, again I apologize if I've basically gotten EVERYTHING wrong and this doesn't actually make any sense... as I said I haven't done a character analysis in a long time, so I should have probably looked deeper into the whole thing, but this was, again, more of what I've personally gathered from my own experience of the game

I do hope you still enjoyed it, though!!

[sevensoulmates]

7x05 Eddie Spec (Claw arm call)

A lot of people have been talking about the promo and Buck's date (rightly, because !!!) but I haven't seen anyone talking about the rest of the promo with the dude with the claw hand being a speaker at a convention talking about "the secret to self-control" with the sign "I'm the boss of me" behind him, while his hand seemingly takes on a life on its own and tries to hurt him.

Given how we know this episode is gonna have a huge Eddie plot and will likely be Eddie-centric if not feature him heavily, and calls are usually supposed to reflect whatever is going on in the character's personal lives, I can't help but feel like this "self-control" convention is pretty interesting to see in relation to an episode where Eddie's going to be struggling with his relationship with Marisol (and maybe his sexuality subtextually).

Eddie and "self-control" have already had a tumultuous relationship over the course of the whole time he's been on the show. A lot of Eddie's personality is very restrictive, not allowing himself certain things either because he doesn't think he deserves it, or because he would rather sacrifice his own wants and needs in order to prioritize someone else's (usually Christopher's). Eddie's irrational need to always be in control of himself (hence why he was so in denial about his panic attacks) has caused him many many issues over the years, and while he's definitely started unpacking a lot of it, especially in regards to his military service and his relationship with his dad, he hasn't really done so in regards to his relationships, and I think that's on purpose.

"Self-control" is also "self-denial" which is also in the same vein as "repression" and I just can't help but feel like this call will likely mirror Eddie, in that the "hand that suddenly has a life of its own" and is now coming back to hurt the man, is a reflection of something within Eddie that he's tried desperately to control before, but will now take on a life of its own. When you deny yourself something, it's usually denying a desire of some kind. And I think that it's time that Eddie's desires that he's been so desperately trying to keep under lock and key for years will finally take on a life of their own, and the more Eddie desperately tries to wrangle it back inside, to shut it up, to stifle it, to deny it, the harder it will fight back and the worse it will hurt him in the process.

My prediction for that call is the second that man finally stops trying to control his arm will be the second he's free of whatever is "possessing" it. Because in actuality, the arm isn't being possessed, it doesn't have a life of its own (it may or may not be something medical idk but my guess is still that it's likely something psychological). The man's arm is a part of him. Just like Eddie's sexuality is a part of him. And Eddie can only find harmony in himself, and stop hurting himself by making choices he knows he doesn't actually want, when he stops trying to control the Unspoken thing inside him and lets himself be free.

I'm not saying Eddie's going to be having any big revelations in this episode, or that it's going to be resolved right away but this call will likely be a strong hint at where Eddie's story is going to go, and 7x05 will be just the start of it.

[drdemonprince]

watching a 1992 Donna Tartt interview where she describes writing her first draft of The Secret History as setting out on a cross-country trip with only a map, not knowing what kind of unexpected detours she might run into along the way and then figuring out her way through them. She also likens getting to know her characters over the course of the writing to getting to know a good friend -- at first you think you've got them figured out, but with more time and in new situations, you learn all kinds of new shades to them.

and it strikes me. that neither cross country trips nor getting to know friends quite works out that way anymore. Today we have Google directions that can update relatively in real time to reflect not only changes in the roads and byways, but short-term construction and traffic jams as well. and while there's certainly an element of surprise to befriending somebody still, things aren't quite so much of a mystery anymore as they were before social media. today it's quite easy to make an informed guess based on a person's posting habits which movies theyd want to see with you, whether they'd like to visit an art gallery or a park or a club. and you know what's going on in their life so much of the time, or at least what they broadcast about it, so you get to develop a sense of their patter and their insecurities and what makes them spiral.

and i wonder if human beings on the whole are less comfortable with uncertainty now, and see themselves as less capable of weathering unexpected challenges -- be that a pothole or a conversation with no script -- because we haven't gotten to exercise that self-trust of embarking on the road with only a map that Donna describes.

i know that when i encounter an unexpected problem and i can solve it, it helps me feel powerful. it helps me feel that my world has expanded in some triumphant little way. now i know how to install a curtain rod. i will never not know how to do it again. now i know how to fix a biplane closet track thats bent. now i know how to donate blood and what to do before. i know how to tell a boorish dude at a bar to leave my friend and i alone because now i've done it. and the more things that i become able to do, the greater faith i have in my own ability to do things generally -- to learn, to fix, to adapt. im no luddite but i am someone who always wants to google unknowable information, such as whether a bartender will yell at me for ordering the wrong kind of drink at the wrong sort of bar. but i have that all backwards now dont i. the only way i get over that anxiety is not by getting all the information, but by getting experience moving into places where i dont have the information. driving on the roads when the maps are out of date.

[indieninja92]

Hello! Sorry to reach out as a tumblr anon (I've just never been brave enough for ao3 comments sadly and I'm mostly a lurker in the GO fandom) but, I saw your post about the goobers fic and I just felt a strong urge to put something positive in your inbox and thank you so much for writing it :) It is, genuinely no exaggeration, one of my favourite fics I've ever read- I love all your fics tbh but this one's my favourite! Your take on them is so incredible and unique, and I think you capture their banter and their bond like no one else. There's such a sense of warmth and safety throughout as well that keeps me returning to it again and again. I adore every single chapter. I totally understand your decision to stop writing it too (I think readers can forget sometimes that such a decision often isn't easy for the authors! I'm sorry if you've heard self centred reactions) and while ofc I'd obviously jump at the chance to hear anything you're comfortable sharing about your plans for the rest of it, I also respect your right to keep that info to yourself if you want to far more! We as readers are not entitled to a single thing; we are gifted and so lucky for the chapters you wrote and chose to share with us. Thank you so much for the nine chapters you put out there- I know I absolutely will be returning to them for rereads <3

Thank you so much, this is so sweet!! I'm enormously proud of it, genuinely think it's some of the best writing I've ever done. Every chapter was an absolute joy to write, I loved the research process and getting into their heads for each new time period - and planning their little outfits! Fortunately I haven't had any negativity for abandoning it, the post yesterday was more a response to the anon message in the original post rather than reflecting my own experience. People have been very kind about it overall!

As for my plans for the rest, there wasn't a huge amount to go - we left off in the 1980s, and then we were going to jump to them raising a little 4 year old Warlock. I had a very cute scene planned of Warlock's dad being delighted the boy had asked for one of those toy cars they can drive around in because he wanted a big black one which his father assumed was because he wanted to look like a secret service guy, but is actually just because he loves being driven around in Nanny's Bentley. They were going to play some fun little kid games, probably bring back knucklebones, and then have a game of Scrabble (Crowley was going to cheat) before some Feelings Talk.

After that, I was going to do the bus ride home from Tadfield with them playing a game that I know as Cowboy Karaoke (one person picks a word and the other has to sing a bit of a song with that word in), more Feelings Talk while Crowley has a bath, and then a round of Gin Rummy after the body swap when they're feeling a bit too anxious to get to the looming franoodling. And then, of course, the franoodling!

Finally, I was going to do a little epilogue in the South Downs cottage which is mostly kissing, including Aziraphale dutifully keeping to the schedule that Crowley calculated in 1983 to pay his kiss debt. Also, Crowley finally finds out what the moon is.

[kafus]

ok i've decided i want to infodump about vee and nova a little after all! because uhh not only am i impatient because autism but i also. want to dip my toes into talking about this. just days ago i was still terrified but now i am Tentatively Brave... if i can talk about it here casually like this then i should be able to write a more formal summary later some other time

i've tagged this post appropriately (at least i think i have, feel free to suggest if i should add more) but also a heads up here too before i keep talking that while i'm not going into graphic detail on anything there are STRONG themes of organized sexual abuse of a child, sexual abuse of animals, and grooming! (there are no disturbing visuals in this post, just text)

IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS POST THAT'S OKAY I STILL LOVE U

takes a deep breath alright so the deal with these two. back all the way in 2021, i decided i wanted to make "vent ocs" as in i just wanted some concrete/consistent designs i could use in vent art drawings that weren't a direct reflection of what i envision myself to look like or whatever. i was going through a lot in 2021, in december 2020 i had just gotten my first big repressed memory back and my life was in a whirlwind of change and heavily increased PTSD and DID symptoms, so i was using art a lot as an outlet. in the end i settled on this drawing, based on the design taste i would have had as a young person (god the quality is so old now LOL i've improved a lot but anyway)

i was intending for these two to be just visual designs and nothing more than that but i got attached and actually ended up giving them a whole storyline and everything, which is something i admittedly hadn't done in a long time up to that point so that's cool.

the reason i preface explaining the premise of the storyline with this is because i think it's important to acknowledge that these two are intrinsically tied with my real life and the feelings i experience as a CSA/OA survivor. not because i think someone has to go through awful things to write or draw about them necessarily, but because i am passionate about expressing myself. it's important for me to be seen in some way, to be heard after years of silence. it is not safe for me mentally to share the exact details of my abuse online rn (and please don't ask for them!) but i also don't want these two to be removed from the message that i survived something and this is me making art about that in an abstracted and magical way with a fictional universe that brings me a lot of comfort. i hope this makes sense lol

oh and also with that in mind if you think for even a second any of this is a weird sex thing for me or some shit please stop reading this post and go do something else with your time. this is my trauma expression and i don't need to be compared to the people i was abused by when i was a literal toddler thank you!

AANYWAY so! premise! gonna be point blank with it! vee (not her original name but shh) is born as a normal 100% human girl, aka without the eevee ears and tail. she is groomed from a very young age (like, toddler age) and eventually abducted by her groomers which happen to be members of... well right now it's team rocket because i haven't spent the time to worldbuild a new villainous pokemon organization yet. roll with me here. she is taken to a remote facility out in the middle of fucking nowhere and is never returned to her previous life or family.

Why? well i'm glad you asked! the org is running a bunch of different experiments in this facility and one of them happens to be trying to enable humans reproducing with pokemon. this doubles as both a money thing and a power thing. they seek out a child as the victim of these horrible experiments because children are easily malleable. way easier to control a child than an adult who already has a firm identity/self.

vee is the child they chose. surgery is forcibly done on her to give her working eevee ears and tail, and also like, fuck with her body chemistry and stuff. she's biologically part eevee now. yes this is bullshit pokemon magic science LMAO but she is kept in this facility and chronically sexually abused for a few years by pairing her with various mons and trying to get eggs to happen.

the experiment isn't working though so they hypothesize that giving her a dedicated partner, especially of the same evolutionary line, would help, and they raise nova from birth as an eevee to take on that role. eventually the two of them are paired together. despite the acts they are forced to commit on each other and the abuse they endure, they actually become inseparable very quickly cause like. they don't have anyone else. and also they just genuinely care about each other. additionally at this point nova has evolved into an espeon and has telepathic powers, so him and vee can communicate linguistically with each other, so you know that helps

generally my current focus of this story is in the early years, when vee is 12 and younger, before they start realizing that shit is fucked up and they need to escape (up until that hypothetical point they have been successfully groomed into believing everything happening to them was not abuse/was normal). i have left out a metric fuckton of detail here just to get across the basic premise. i am constantly exploring vee's psyche, nova's psyche, it's like an in depth exploration of the mind of an abused child in horrific circumstances and god it's cathartic. i love these two so fucking much

btw i guess this art has more context now huh haha after i infodumped off the plot to my sister they looked at this art again and was like. OHHH THIS IS EVEN MORE OMINOUS AND HARD TO LOOK AT WITH CONTEXT. AND I WAS LIKE YEAH!!!! YOU SEE THE VISION!!! THE SYMBOLISM!! ETC!!!!

uh yeah if you read this far thank you and i just wanna say i've been building up the courage to talk about these two for GENUINELY two years, it has been over 2 full years since that initial drawing, and i am nervous and jittery posting this but i do not want to die without having shared my work with the world and i'm willing to take the risks to get my voice out there. so you reading it is very much appreciated ur like my first step into being more confident as a survivor lol

oh and fwiw despite these guys being so correlated with my trauma it's not offensive to make headcanons or ask me questions about them or compliment darker art of them however you want, in fact i love that shit!! please i've been holding these guys back for two years i have so much to say that hasn't been said. as much as i am nervous i am EXCITED

[marimayscarlett]

Obviously, I'm just speculating, but taking from what Schneider said last year - I don't think the rest of the guys were ever jealous of Till's solo work. Why would they be? Especially after Emigrate. Richard and Till clearly need a bigger let out than Rammstein can provide, and if it doesn't interfere with Rammstein, then why not? But unlike Emigrate, Lindemann went on tour. Garnered negativity that reflected onto the band. And most importantly, unlike Richard, Till got further away from them. He didn't want to and couldn't spend more time with them as individuals and as a band member. He got a new friend group, new entourage, which integrated into Rammstein and put an even bigger wedge between them. Till even stopped flying with them! And that what might've caused resentment caused by fear. Is Till quitting Rammstein? Is he even still our friend?

And Richard had a fight with Zoran before the backstage bj video which btw was tasteless and lowkey offensive to the band and the crew. Mein Teil is a great video but they've made some masterpieces since then. None of which had to involve sado masochism veiling itself as "being misunderstood".

I've nothing against Till doing what he's doing, he has every right to it but I also believe that last years incident should've been a massive eye opener (not the fucking young women part. He made it very clear with his poem that he doesn't care what we think about that) but that if he wants Rammstein to continue, he cannot lead a double life. Richard managed to separate Rammstein-self and Emigrate-self whilst still maintaining both full time. Till completely failed that, clearly deeply hurting 5 other individuals in the process. It was easier for him to do what he wants and ice everyone out. It's better if they took a long, long break than ruin 30+ year relationship with silence.

As for Zoran. He's just bitter. If post Zoran Rammstein videos are Ali Express, then wtf does that make him? Because no one even knew of him before the band and certainly he's not making any headlines post band. His only saving grace was Till but even then, his Lindemann videos aren't even the best ones..

Hi and thank you for the time and effort you put into writing this out 👋

I will work my way through this message and will add some of my own thoughts to it - this will be subjectiv and not everyone has to agree with everything.

It is true that Till and Richard both needed an additional outlet for their creative processes - the difference is that Till treats his solo project like a normal band and likes to go on tour (Richard mentioned this in one interview once that touring is a vital part for Till's creative life), while Richard treats his more like a studio project. Going out, touring with a stage show like his, putting out videos in this very style which is seen as 'typical Till' by now I might say - all this can serve as a target for misunderstanding, resentment, problems in general.

I do sometimes wonder why he takes these risks (after last summer more than ever). I know he as an artist has his own visions and wants them to come to life, which is his right - but I sometimes ask myself if it's worth it. If it's worth it that others have to deal with the problems his work/behavious has caused. But then again: it's none of my business and he has the freedom to do as he pleases.

I used this ask as an impetus to read Schneider's statement again (something which still triggers me a bit and which i haven't done in over half a year), and Schneider writes this: "Till has distanced himself from us in recent years and created his own bubble. With his own people, his own parties, his own projects. That made me sad, definitely." While I never understood this as being criticism towards Till having his musical side project, I do see it as criticism on how he treats it and how he handles things around it - between the lines there is (at least from my point of view) definitely discontent and concern. So I do believe the band doesn't see anything wrong with having side projects (in Richard's case they were even happy and relieved about it), but maybe in the trend of side projects demanding too much attention or developping possible unpleasant characteristics/outgrowths.

One can only hope that the last year really served Till as a wake up call to overthink some structures which gained influence around him.

"It's better if they took a long, long break than ruin 30+ year relationship with silence." I'm honestly not sure about this and I don't know what good a break would do in this case - since seemingly nothing incriminating had happend, there's no reason for a break in this regard, and maybe, just maybe, it's good for the band to work together this year, in their anniversary year, to actually feel close to each other, to reminisce together, something in this regard.

Regarding Zoran: Like I said in the post I reblogged, I find it highly conceited of him to quite literally say that every thing that came after him music video-wise, every art work from another director is inferior to his work in its quality (hence the 'AliExpress' metaphor). If he really means it that way, it's quite laughable to be honest. In my opinion, he is resting too much on his laurels he garnered from 'Mein Teil' - which admittedly had an immense effect and gave us Frau Schneider, and from "saving" 'Mein Herz brennt', but to say that the music videos of 'Deutschland', 'Adieu' or 'Zeit' are below his standards is mind-boggling to me (if I understand his allusion correctly).

Zoran's Lindemann videos are not my taste, and saying he wanted to express lonliness and insatiableness with a porn-video seems hypocritical and sends out 'oh I'm an artist, of course nobody understands me correctly'-pick me vibes. I'm not surprised that a lot of people who respects their own work didn't want to work with someone anymore who made a project like 'Till the end'.

[dark-frosted-heart]

Book of Memories ~ Clavis, Jin, Sariel ~ Part 4 (final)

Collection story

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this.

~~ flashback continues ~~

Breaking the silence with a sigh, Jin scratched his head as he averted his gaze.

Jin: Earlier, Clavis said something while we were in town.

Clavis: Huh?

Jin: You guys are used to being in court. But for me, it's still a bit uncomfortable. ... Actually, to be honest, it's worse.

Sariel: So you snuck out of the castle to get away from everything?

Jin: If I told you that I wanted to go out into town, you would've given me the chance. But I'd have guards escorting me. Not a chance to relax at all. Gaining knowledge through studying and social gathering's a pain, but I don't hate it. I get to eat delicious food without even trying, a comfortable bed, and comfortable clothes. But...it's no good.

Jin's self-deprecating smile was so unlike his usual one.

Jin: I still haven't accepted my brothers properly and sometimes feel suffocated. But most of all... I can't fucking stand it when I hear people badmouth my parents.

Clavis: Is that...really why you slip out of the castle?

Jin: Yeah...Sorry you two. You've always been watching over me yet this is how I pay you back.

Clavis: I don't think you did anything wrong. You got nothing to apologize for, Jin. I've done some bad things to you. Where and how you lived suddenly changed and you must've needed time to process it. But I went to see you because I wanted to get to know you better as my brother. Sorry...

Sariel: Adding to what Prince Clavis said, I knew my thoughts and feelings hadn't reached you yet, but I was afraid that if I meddled too much, it would drive you away. And I ended up taking advantage of your kindness.

Jin: Wait, just hold on a minute. You two have nothing to apologize for. You did nothing wrong. It's my fault that I was faking it while you two were honest around me. Like you said Sariel, I thought I could do things on my own and was reluctant to open up...Sorry. Wait, if I apologize again we're going to have a bad time here. This is getting out of hand.

Sariel: We're all worrying too much and going in circles.

Jin smiled sheepishly at Sariel's words.

Jin: Heh, that's what I'm saying.

Sariel: Even if acting like this is appropriate for our age, it's a little unattractive. However, it was good to hear Prince Jin's honest feelings. Thank you for pouring your heart out to us.

Jin: I owe it to Clavis and what he told me in town.

Sariel: Then I suppose I have Prince Clavis to thank. Thank you.

Clavis: It's not every day that I get thanks from Sariel so it's a bit awkward. But it's not bad to hear!

Sariel: That still does not mean you're allowed to sneak out of the castle.

In an instant, the tension came back.

The two naturally straightened up as Sariel spoke again.

Sariel: And that's not all. Prince Jin, you invited Prince Clavis and went out together. And Prince Clavis followed out of curiosity. The two of you aren't strong enough to properly protect yourselves yet. Therefore... If you want to leave the castle, at least wait until you grow enough to defend yourselves.

Clavis and Jin: Huh...

Their eyes widened in surprise, not expecting what Sariel just said. They looked at each other and then to Sariel again.

Clavis: It's okay when we're adults?

Sariel: When you grow up enough to defend yourselves.

Jin: Isn't it out of character for you to say something like that?

Sariel: Unfortunately, unlike you two, I'm not a good kid.

Clavis and Jin: Definitely.

Sariel: Oh...?

Clavi and Jin: It's nothing.

Sariel: Fufu, very well then.

As if to end his lecture, Sariel clapped his hands.

Sariel: Now then, since you two have had some reflection, the next step is to treat your wounds. To the infirmary you.

Clavis: But it's only a scrape so I don't think I need to go.

Sariel: Even the smallest of wounds can be fatal. You're thinking the same as Prince Clavis, aren't you, Prince Jin?

Jin: You saw through me. This much was normal before I got here.

Sariel: I'm asking you not to think of it as normal from now on.

Jin: Got it...Our instructor's pretty strict.

Clavis: What's wrong, Jin? You got a weird look.

Jin: Ah...

Jin laughed as Clavis looked at him curiously.

He was feeling a bit embarrassed.

Jin: I was thinking about how embarrassing it was to be so honest with people around my age.

Sariel: And it's even worse when it's with someone who's strict.

Clavis: And a little brother.

Jin: You two are starting to play around with me without holding back. Well...I guess that's what I get for being honest.

Jin smiles wryly at Clavis and Sariel.

~~ flashback end ~~

Jin: Ow...Ease up with the disinfectant, Clavis! You're digging it in.

Clavis: I'm offended. I'm just carefully disinfecting the wound. Endure it okay, my eldest brother?

Clavis doesn't hold back with the disinfectant on Jin's wound and then bandages him up.

His dexterity's as good as a doctor's and the treatment's over in no time.

Jin: I would've liked it better if you were gentler.

Clavis: It's what you get for being reckless. Punishment on behalf of Sariel.

Sariel: Oh, then I suppose I won't be able to dole out as many punishments as I planned for Prince Jin.

Clavis: I did a great job, didn't I, Jin?

Jin: Yeah. Sariel's punishments are nothing to laugh at.

Sariel: If you think so then I'd would like it if you weren't so reckless from the start.

Jin: You're pretty reckless too. A comrade.

Clavis: I mean, there isn't a brother who isn't reckless.

Jin: Oh, a good point. Were we influenced by our instructor?

Sariel: Aren't I the one influenced by you all?

Jin: Heh, maybe. Thanks for patching me up, Clavis.

He gives Clavis a light pat on the shoulder and slips his coat on.

Jin narrows his eyes slightly at the bandages peeking through the sleeves.

Jin: It's nice...

Sariel: Getting treated?

Jin: That, but also knowing that there are people who know I'll be doing reckless things and wait for me to come home. Or someone who accepts the fact and patches me up with a smile. I'm glad that you two were the first ones that I got to know after coming here.

Clavis and Jin: ...

The infirmary goes quiet.

The two back away and look at Jin skeptically.

Clavis: Is there something up with the medication? That's the most ridiculous side effect I've heard of.

Sariel: Or perhaps the inflammation's gotten to his brain.

Jin: It's been a while since I've been honest and this is how you react. I'm hurt.

Clavis: Sariel, console him.

Sariel: I have the right to make my own decisions.

Jin: Oh~ The harsh words keep coming. But I know there's kindness toward me behind it.

Clavis and Jin: Yeah, sure.

Jin: Pfft. I get so relaxed around you two that I forget about the pain from my wounds.

The carefree smile returns.

It was the same smile he had shown the two of them from that day as a boy when he complained.