#haven’t gotten around to posting much bc I’ve been busy and very sick

[velvetjune]

whyyy couldn’t I magically be in LA when Poe and SamLake were there

[teabookgremlin]

i have been having so many thoughts recently about van and her relationship to her appearance. are these thoughts coherent? not particularly. am i going to try to make them somewhat coherent to share with you all now? yes. will i make any sense or say anything that hasn’t already been said? that remains to be determined

i first really started thinking about this when i started my fic feel like me again but honestly it had been floating around in my mind since we got our first look at adult van and the debate over if she was butch enough began (she is btw that is not up for discussion here and not the point of this post). anyway lets get into some of my thoughts.

first i wanna talk about her hair. i know recently people have been pointing out how before the wolf attack we most commonly see van with her hair tied back (with the exception of just a few occasions) and how after the wolf attack it is always down (except for during doomcoming but then her scars are covered by a mask). it’s very clear that her hair becomes a shield for her, using it as a way to hide her scars. even as an adult it’s never up and we see it hanging in her face a lot. especially back in society it makes sense to me that van would want to hide her scars somewhat, i mean her whole thing is trying to live in a past where none of the bad shit happened. as for before the attack, her hair being pulled up often, first of all same, i do this and for me its bc i’m sick of my hair and just haven’t gotten around to cutting it yet. it could be similar for van or she just prefers it out of her face. i feel like it’s unlikely that she wouldn’t have cut it if she wanted to as she already presents pretty butch and presumably is not overly bothered by people clocking her (kind of drawing this from both her appearance and that she is so much less concerned with being caught by the others than tai is) but there is still the possibility that she just doesn’t want another thing about her to scream dyke as she is living in an american suburb in the 90s. 

onto her scars specifically. i love how she stops covering them after tai tells her that she’s beautiful. i’d imagine that van is not someone who is used to compliments on her appearance (or at least not ones that are affirming to her). i also know that a lot of us have headcanons that her mom is shitty to her about her appearance (or at least i do and i’ve seen it in a few fics) so hating how she looks would have become internalized and the scars would just make it worse. and there’s how she storms out at the suggestion of a party, hiding off in the woods until tai comes, bringing a solution and way to support her. and she clings to tai as they first walk out at doomcoming, holding her arm, kind of tucking herself against/behind her until the kiss. in this moment van is shown that she is still desirable despite the scars and this is just further affirmed when tai asks to see her without the mask and calls her beautiful. and going forward she doesn’t directly hide them anymore, even as an adult when in society, where facial scarring would get her more attention than among a group of teenagers who all know exactly what happened and are too busy trying to survive to care about appearance.

this is all i’ve got for now but i certainly think that there is so much to talk about concerning van and her appearance both because of her scarring and because a complicated relationship with presentation is not uncommon among lesbians. idk i have lots of thoughts but putting them into words is hard so feel free to add on your own ideas and happy van vednesday

[buckys-forgotten-plum]

Hold Me Tighter ||3||

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Peter and reader have a talk and Bucky overhears. 

Warnings: Swearing I think? A big of angst, fluff, Buck jumping to conclusions bc he’s a soft dummie...

A/N: Hej hej friends, it’s been a bit since i’ve posted something. My life has been wild and though i’ve been working on various things I have yet to complete said various things. Hopefully posting this gets me back into the groove. Please enjoy and give me feedback as its very much appreciated!! <3

Part ||1||   Part ||2||

~~~~~~

“Do you have an ace?” 

“Nope, go fish,” 

“Do you have a crush on Bucky?” 

You almost drop your hand full of cards on the ground as the words leave the man's mouth. 

“Wha-Peter!” 

“What? It kinda looks obvious, on both sides, but it’s like you guys or holding back or something,” Peter shrugs nonchalantly as he plucks a card from the deck before laying down another set of matches. 

You pout, “Why are you so good at this game?” 

“Answer my question first,” He laughs lightly while playfully nudging your shoulder with his fist. 

You and Peter had been the ones left at the tower while the team was on their latest mission. You felt grateful for the company, or at least you did before he started asking questions while he taught you how to play various card games. The pair of you sat facing each other, legs crossed and knees almost touching as the deck of cards sat in the middle. 

“I dunno… Maybe?” You could feel the fire in your cheeks and ears as you answered, forgetting to ask if Pete had a card and taking straight from the deck instead. 

Peter smiled widely and set down the few cards he still had, putting his full attention on you, “That’s great, Y/n! I think he likes you too! Why haven’t you guys gotten together yet? You spend like every day with each other when Bucky isn’t on a mission. He even cooks for you all the time and I’ve never seen him do that with anyone-” 

“Peter, it's not like that. I’m pretty sure he just thinks of me as like… A charity case or something. He’s helped me a lot since I’ve gotten here but it was solely because he felt obligated too. Kind of like when you find a puppy on the street,” You set your cards down to the side as well, using your free hands to nervously tangle your fingers together. 

“That's ridiculous! Y/n he calls you pet names all the time, he carries you around, I even saw him kiss your cheek before he left!” Peter points an accusatory finger at you. 

Your eyes widen in shock and you stutter before responding, “Why are you paying so much attention to us? It’s weird how much you notice...And besides, lately he hasn’t really been the same. He tells me that he’s always busy with training or meetings or something, and I get that it happens, especially with what you guys do! But it just feels like he’s been avoiding me lately,” 

“The whole team has noticed! You guys have done almost everything but make it official,” The man sighs exasperatedly before leaning forward and pressing his forehead against yours, a silly habit the two of you developed for serious conversations, making you giggle a bit before pushing back, “You should talk with him about it dude,”

You keep your forehead pressed against Pete's, sighing quietly before responding, “I just think… If he doesn’t feel the same way, then everything is going to change. He won’t want to spend time with me anymore, or talk to me, he won’t wanna watch movies with me… He just- he won’t be able to think of me as more than just the silly mutant that’s been obsessed with him for as long as she’s known him,” Your face had scrunched up into a scowl as you thought about what life would be like without Bucky by your side. 

“Hey, hey, hey! He won’t do that, I promise. Bucky isn’t like that, he’d never just start to ignore you or think of you as some obsessed girl. It’s obvious he cares about you a lot, and I think it would be good for both of you to talk about it,” 

“I wouldn’t even know where to start-��

“Start with how you feel, put it all out in the open,” Pete says confidently.

“That’s crazy!”

“How is it crazy?” 

“I can’t just go up to him and say, ‘Hey I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve been deeply enthralled and have wanted to be with you since the first time we met!’” 

Peter was about to respond, but a deep voice interrupted, “Y/n?”

You and Pete pull your heads apart and gape at the tall brunette standing in the doorway, his eyebrows pulled together in a frown and his eyes full of confusion. “Bucky I-” 

He puts a hand up before you can continue, “I um-I gotta go shower. Sorry I interrupted you guys,” 

You sat frozen on the floor as Bucky quickly made his exit, Peter switching his gaze between you and the now empty doorway. “Oh my god-” he muttered in absolute bewilderment.

“Wh-what just happened? What should I do? Oh my god he hates me! He’ll never speak to me again-” 

“No! No, no, no it’s fine! Just a misunderstanding! You need to go after him and clear it up,” Peter tells you, hurriedly standing up before grabbing your hands and helping you stand. “You need to tell him everything Y/n. *Everything.*” 

You nod your head in agreement, starting for the doorway, “Thanks pete, I’ll see you later,” 

Peter’s response doesn’t quite register as you quickly walk down the maze of hallways, trying to find the fastest possible route to Bucky’s room. Your heart felt like it was pounding hard enough to escape your chest. 

You let out a yelp as you suddenly hit a wall, “Oh hey kid, you seen Barnes yet? He was lookin for ya,” Tony’s hands are on each of your arms to steady you as he begins to ask how your week with Peter went. 

You can’t focus on any of his questions, solely focused on fixing the mess you had made. 

“Kid? You okay?” Tony steps closer to you, his overbearing father coming out as he reaches up to check your temperature, “hmm maybe we should get you to med, you feel a little hot,” 

“Tony I’m fine-” You try and back out of his grasp but he holds onto you firmly. 

“Hey if you’re gettin’ a fever we want to catch it quick-” 

“I don’t have a fever, please-” 

“C’mon, it’ll only take a minute,”

“Oh my god, goodbye!” You huff out before pushing Tony away from you and using your power to disappear from the hallway. 

Tony lets out an annoyed sigh, “If you get anyone else sick you’re the one who’s taking care of them!” he shouts into the empty space. 

You however, had already popped up outside of Bucky’s door, your hands clenched into fists of stress and nerves. Your right hand went to open the door but when you tried to twist the handle it didn’t budge. 

“Friday can you let me in?”

“Mr. Barnes has specified to not be bothered for the time being,” The AI responded simply. 

You let out a huff of frustration, “Okay well it’s either you unlock the door and let me in or I just pop up in there, so…”

There was a moment of silence before you heard the quiet click of the door unlocking, making you smile victoriously, “Thank you, Friday,” 

Bucky was still in the bathroom with the door closed when you had entered his room. You took a quick look around before deciding to sit on the bed and wait for him to be done. Your fingers began to tangle and pull at themselves in a stressful manner and you couldn’t help the tight feeling in your chest. It only got worse when you heard the running water turn off and the sound of Bucky drying and dressing himself. 

When Bucky opens the door, the both of you freeze in place, eyes locked on to each other for what felt like ages. 

Bucky is the first to break eye contact and move, “I thought I told Friday I didn’t want any visitors,” he mumbles quietly, going over to toss the damp towel in his hands into a laundry hamper.

“I uh- I told her I would just pop in anyways…” 

“Shouldn’t invade people's privacy like that, kid,” his cold tone made you cringe, “can’t start abusing your power like that,”

“Listen Bucky, I came here to explain-” 

“You don’t gotta explain anything to me. I saw what I saw, it’s not a big deal,” he interrupts you and avoids your eyes as he begins to unpack from his mission. 

“Except I think you might not understand entirely-” you begin only to be interrupted again. 

“No! No, I get it. Pete is a good kid, good morals, good background. I can see why you’d like him, it makes sense,” Bucky’s voice was clearly stressed as he spoke and it just made your chest tighten even more. 

“Bucky no-” 

“He’s closer to your age, you have a lot in common, spend a lot of time together…”

“Why is everyone interrupting me today?” you groan out in frustration before getting up off of the bed and walking over to the disgruntled man. 

You move to sit on the other side of the duffle bag he continues to empty, still avoiding your eyes. You let out a huff of annoyance and quickly grab hold of Bucky's hands, bringing them to a pause. 

“Kid, I gotta unpack-”

“No. Not until you let me say what I need to say. Without interrupting me,” You state firmly.

Bucky visibly clenches his jaw, giving you a small nod to continue, “You didn’t hear me say those words to Peter-” 

“Yes I di-” “What did I just say? No interruptions!” 

Bucky sighs, “Sorry,” 

You take another breath before restarting, “You didn’t hear me say those words to Peter. You heard me telling him about what I’d say to someone else,” 

Bucky’s face scrunches up in confusion as he replays your words in his head, trying to put the pieces together, but failing. “Who were you going to say-” 

“You! Ya big dummy. I was telling Peter what I would say to you,” You blurt out with a breath of exasperation. 

Bucky shook his head, as if to try and wake himself up from a daydream, “Are you serious?”

“Yes! Of course I am, Buck. I- Peter said that it would be good for the both of us if I admitted my true feelings for you, and I didn’t know what I would say, so he suggested that I just flat out tell you, and…” You trail off, hoping the older can figure out the rest on his own. 

“And that’s when I walked in? When you had figured out what exactly you’d say?” 

“More or less, yeah,” you answer quietly, giving Bucky’s hands a gentle squeeze to try and bring even more reassurance. 

“Why were you so close to each other?” You looked back up to Bucky, a smile gracing your features as his gaze finally met yours. 

“Because we were having a serious discussion. Isn’t that what everyone does?” You ask, brows slightly knit in confusion.

Bucky chuckles and shakes his head, “No I think that’s only you two,” 

“Oh…” 

The two of you sit in silence for a few minutes, mulling over what you’d like to say next and trying to organize your thoughts. When Bucky didn’t say anything for a while you decided to continue on, “So um...Do you maybe uh-maybe do you feel the same way? About me?”

Bucky doesn’t even wait a beat to answer, “Oh my god yes! Yes I’ve felt the same way for ages, doll!” 

Your eyes widen in disbelief as you take in the new information, “You have?”

Bucky nods his head, a smile on his face as he looks into your eyes, “Sweetheart I’ve been head over heels for you since I first caught you in midair,” he chuckles. 

You grin at Bucky and feel the familiar flickering of your powers take place, knowing your emotions were much too strong to stop it. Within the blink of an eye you had popped out of existence and popped right back up into Bucky’s lap, making him fall over in a huff of laughter. 

You wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face into the softness of his hair, “What gives then you goof? Why didn’t you say anything?” 

Bucky wraps his arms around your waist and gives you a tight squeeze, “Once you started gettin’ the hang of your powers and began training with the rest of the team, I dunno… It felt like you didn’t need me there for you anymore, I didn’t want to risk holding you back from making new friends and connections,” Your heart split in two hearing Bucky’s explanation.

You pull your face out of his lovely smelling hair and stare into the soldier's pretty blue eyes, “That’s silly Bubba. You would never hold me back! You’re the reason why I’m so comfortable around everyone now. You gave me the strength to get out of my comfort zone,” Bucky grinned at your words and shook his head, mentally chiding himself for being so foolish. 

“M’sorry lovie, I guess I got in my own head about everything. Almost messed it all up too because I got so upset when I saw you and Peter,” Your chest swelled with happiness when he calls you one of your favorite nicknames, knowing the two of you were back to normal. 

“It’s okay! I can understand why you thought what you did. But I promise I’ve only ever been deeply enthralled with you,” You laugh and push your forehead up against Bucky’s, making him let out a deep melody of chuckles. 

“Does this mean I don’t have to hold back anymore? I can love on you as much as I want?” Bucky pairs his question with an affectionate nuzzle in the crook of your neck before looking back up into your gleeful eyes. 

You giggle and brush your nose up against his as you nod your head, “You coulda done that before,” 

Bucky’s hands move from around your waist to your thighs, easily lifting the both of you up from the plush carpet, “M’never lettin’ you go ever again. Gonna hold on real tight, sweet girl.” 

You keep your arms wrapped around his neck and try to pull Bucky closer, burying your face back into the crook of his neck and breathing him in. He moves the two of you over to his bed and flops down onto it, pulling the both of you under the covers and tangling his legs with yours. The two of you stay like that for what feels like ages.

A perfectly content tangle of happiness and relief. 

[theconfusedartist]

DRAGON AGE

Alright, so I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while, now that I’ve gotten back into dragon age origins and since I’m about to start doing a shit ton of fanart and fic simply bc I’m getting back in the swing of it, I figure I might as well start actually making a post about them, rather then just making a one-off post and talking about them without out any context lol.

Ok so, in this AU that I’m working on, Duncan realized that, hey, maybe only one recruit for like the end of the world in his order of grey wardens, is not the best idea, and then goes on to recruit all of the characters from the origins.

So, he swings by Orzammar first, getting Brosca and Aeducan. In this au, the name of my Brosca is Tsoyo and the Aeducan is Sariah. I’m gonna post pictures of every one of my warden later, but for now, I’m just gonna say who they are. Tsoyo and Sariah knew each other before, since Seriah hired Tsoyo’s...services in the past. Seriah doesn’t really think much of the casteless, but she does like that they can do some dirty work for her and go basically undetected for it. So, in terms of time, Tsoyo goes to the proving and wins, just like in the original, and Duncan recruits her, but in this, Duncan stuck around a little longer as the Aeducan family still had business with him and he needed to go to the deep roads to make sure that this was a real blight and I mean, hey, what better way to test the new recruit right? 

So, while Duncan is getting Tsoyo ready for what’s to come, Seriah goes to the new provings that takes place as they redid it because they couldn’t fathom that a casteless could ever win and this doubled as them holding it in honor for the Seriah getting her new post as a commander. Seriah didn’t really rise to Bhelen’s bait and didn’t go after him like Bhelen had hoped, even though she realized that there was no way that the mercenaries could’ve gotten the ring unless it was from Trian. It was quite the surprise to see her brother, dead in front of her and her father and Bhelen walking in and being accused of his death. 

She gets sentenced to walk the deep roads and meets up with Duncan and Tsoyo and from there they scout for a bit before going off to the circle. Because I mean, hey, one mage is equivalent to ten soldiers, right? 

So, Duncan gets there, with Tsoyo and Seriah in tow who are really uncomfortable being around each other as they’ve had a less than clean relationship in the past (murder, blackmail, and other stuff). Duncan gets to the tower for recruits and in this au, both ‘Surana’ and Amell are there. I’ll explain why I put the ‘’ around Surana in a minute. 

So, Amell, who’s first name is Daylen, Jowan, and ‘Surana’, who’s first name is Acici, are all there. Jowan is going through with his little plot to escape the circle and Acici has literally just had her harrowing, a few nights ago before Duncan had gotten there. Daylen has his harrowing the night before Duncan arrives to the tower and his goes very...differently. 

I’ll go into this a LOT more in a second reblog, since I want to go into everyone’s backstory in a bit, person by person, with pictures, but since I’m going with the abridged version, I’ll just put it as, Acici had the normal harrowing that we get in the game, give or take, and Daylen thought it was fun to fuck around with things that he shouldn’t. So, Duncan has his eye on the both of them and Acici, being the actual loyal friend goes around bolstering her image and getting the rod of fire, killing spiders and charming the old man to sign the form for her. She had him sign the form, but then figured that if she curried favor with as many senior enchanters as possible, then it would probably be good for her in the long run. 

As for Daylen, well, he’s sitting there like, ‘why do we have to get dragged down with Jowan?’ and goes to Senior Enchanter Irving and tells him about it. Sure, he feels bad about it, but the deal was this: if he goes along with this plan, then he and Acici have to be pardoned and get off scot free for helping with taking down Lily and catching Jowan in the act. Irving agrees and he plays double agent. And well you know how that song and dance goes, Jowan gets away, and the others are left holding the bag. Irving tries to pacify Gregoir, but he hates mages so Duncan conscripts them both into the order. Meanwhile, Tsoyo and Seriah are just really confused with all the magic bullshit going on. And then there were four recruits. 

After that, Duncan and the four recruits go to Highever, to recruit Ser Gilmore because I guess Duncan wanted a basic ass bitch (idk, I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t finished the human noble to this day. I’m still trying to, but I really didn’t see any appeal in Gilmore like that, he seemed like someone good to have as a second, but not someone you’d send to kill an archdemon when there’s only two grey wardens left) and Cousland, or better known as Luna the heartbreaker, isn’t really interested in the wardens or anything. I mean why would she be? Duncan is fine and all, but she gets to rule over a castle by herself, why the hell would she want to leave? But then, it’s not really up to her when mostly everyone gets killed anyways. So, at this point we have five recruits, good job Duncan!

Their next stop is (drumroll please) DENERIM! (wasn’t expecting that were you?)

Duncan was like, shit, lemme go and get Adaia, at least that way I know that I can have someone who knows what the score is and she can help the others and Alistair as someone who’s been around the bend and seen some shit. Only, that’s not what happens, obviously because Adaia was killed by humans a while back, but he is just in time to witness a double wedding and get threatened by a one of the brides (lol). And also see them all get carried off to get raped by the arl’s son and his guards. Luna is cross, but like ‘hey, shouldn’t we do something about this?’. Tsoyo is a bit surprised because she thought that elves were all a bunch of fig eating floofies that just lived in happiness, not squalor and fear of death, so she seconds it. Acici is ready to murder Duncan when he says that they can’t get involved (for that same reason that ‘Surana’ is like that) and hands a sword to Nelaros and Soris. Go get ‘em boys!

And now the estate is running with blood, Nelaros is dead, Shianni is traumatized, one of the bridesmaids is dead, and Tabris, Sauda the bride, has literally learned all the different ways to kill over seventy men with a dagger and how quickly rat posion kills three adult human men. Sauda, not willing to let Soris get hauled off, says that it was all her doing. Which...isn’t really an exaggeration, she tore into those fuckers like she was getting paid to do it, Soris gave back up with his crossbow, but she was very eager to spill blood for the kidnapping of her, the others and Nelaros’ death. Also Vaughn was killed, as was his friends. Horrifically. 

And now we have six recruits!! Way to go Duncan, you always find the lively ones!

This recruit wasn’t planned, as Duncan was planning to cut through the Brecilian forest to save some time, and came across two elves that are just heavily tainted. That’s right, in this au, Tamlen lives. So Mahariel, Yeva, and Tamlen are just sick as fuck, but still alive so Marethari is like, ‘let’s get a fucking move on’ and Duncan conscripts them, when they both try to weasel their way out of it. But what can you do? At least Tamlen isn’t dead (a split second decision, I’m not gonna lie). So, Duncan comes to Ostagar with seven new recruits and most of them just....do not give a damn about the king (lolololol get fuckin’ rekt Calian). They go into the wilds, save a few mabaris (mabari? mabaris?) with some wild flowers, Tsoyo gets a big gay crush on Morrigan, then they come back and do shots with the darkspawn blood in the joining. Daveth and Jory die(wah wah) but everyone else makes it out alive (Tamlen...barely made it. Bitch nearly pulled a Daveth) and then they were sent to the tower. 

The reason for them all being sent to the tower was simple. Cailan realized that a lot of the new recruits just did not give a fuck about the crown or his authority or was in grieving over their lost loved ones, and was like ‘hey, that way there’s no way that the tower ISN’T going to be lit and I don’t have to worry about them on the field’). And then he died. Duncan didn’t die tho, are you fucking kidding me? The leader of the grey wardens? Dying? I don’t fucking think so. He makes it out, but it’s a little after the battle and he makes it far enough into the wilds that Flemeth saves him. The other wardens have already left with Morrigan and they’re on their way to Lothering, but Duncan had to stay with Flemeth for a while due to the severity of his wounds and how long they would take to heal, even with magic. 

Duncan joins up with the other grey wardens around the time that they get captured by Anora’s captors (I have to play to see who would get captured or not, as most of these characters are fucking warriors and some of them in their own personal runs might actually be able to take them down where others can’t) and I haven’t decided what happens at that point. 

That’s all that I have right now, but once I get some character portraits up, I’ll update this a bit more.

[ludowoods]

advice that really mattered to me for games/cg

hello! i said i'd write up a quick thing on my experience going to school for games/art and a little bit abt how u can potentially increase ur chances of landing a job. i’m really excited to have started working on spiderm@n ps4 at insomni@c games this week, and i kind of wanted to pass on some useful general advice that a lot of people have shared with me in case u might also find it helpful!

general advice!?

if you're interested in it, make games! make games outside of school. portfolios with really solid projects (especially personal projects) stand out.

if you are interested in one part of games find resources or assets showing off that one part of games you're really good at. you don't need to have a whole game to show off your sick rigs

the most important portfolio advice i've ever received: the weakest work in your portfolio is what directors judge you by. it's showing not only your skill but your taste. when you put work in your portfolio, you're saying, "hey this is good!" if the work is actually weak then art directors are like "oh, you must think that's really good." your personal standard matters. (related story: an art director confessed he's hired people with 2 pieces of work in their portfolio before.)

if you're interested in applying for a certain position, make sure everything in your portfolio is saying you're very good at that certain thing. trim the fat unless you're a generalist. if you did rigging once and aren't interested in doing that there's no reason that should be in your portfolio. your portfolio is your personal voice and should tell a viewer what you want to do. if you have 5 scattered things and not a lot of effort into one in particular, directors will wonder if you really know what you want to do. figure that out first (really! take your time with it) and make sure your portfolio says that.

on that note: try different roles. try scripting, vfx, rigging, lighting, drawing, etc. you might learn the one thing you thought you wanted to do might not be as cool and fit for you as the thing you haven't tried yet. there's a lot of things in games/film that aren't super accessible, so if you have the resources give different things a whirl.

show people your games/art and implement their feedback. be gracious. an important part of this industry is being able to understand and sort through feedback that's useful and will help you toward your goal. it's also important to understand when you might have to implement feedback (of... clients...) against what you might believe is best for the project

for games going to industry conferences is really one of the best shots you have at getting relevant feedback on your work, and it is definitely how i landed my current gig. there are lots of scholarships + opportunities for attending GDC and my best advice is take advantage of them if you can. go to talks + meetups for the things you’re interested in, introduce yourself to strangers (if it’s acceptable in the current situation), ask hiring companies for feedback on your portfolio (get a cheap tablet and load all ur images or gifs on it), and collect business cards from everyone you talk to. this is just common sense stuff but i think it’s the best way to get a foothold in this industry.

someone asked what majors + subjects are most important/fundamental to creating good art. i think honestly one of the most important things to me is being both familiar with the work standards of the industry you're in (looking at lots of art + games daily, understanding why this art or game is good or not good, understanding industry expectations for the roles you're interested working in) and also really being into something outside of that industry. i think the most incredible work i see in games are by creators who have an incredible curiosity or invested passion abt something that isn't games. (honestly........ i'm rly bored of games made by ppl who only ever think abt games. YOU CAN TELL...) i think games as an expression of that fascination with a non-games thing is rly refreshing...... ok now this is just a personal take but that's my opinion.

on that note! a couple people asked how to get your work noticed. i don't know honestly? i think to me a personal voice is very important. think about the thing you really want to do, the content you're really interested in, the visual aesthetics you're inspired by... i think ""style"" is an overused term at this point but i think having a personal understanding of these things and being honest about it really shows in your work and gives it voice. like the above point too you should really think about things outside of your field. like it's totally cool to be REALLY INTO GAMES and all your work is sotc homages or something. but even looking at the influences of sotc like mayan architecture and researching latin american art i think will enrich your work.

also on being noticed: present your work well and post consistently. if you're working on a game, you should be keeping a devlog and documenting what you've worked on and what you'll be doing next. i don't think i have to say much on art for this bc other ppl have said it better than me but yeah.

i wanted to write a bit abt my experience with RIT's 3D program— it could change in a few years or ppl around me might've felt v differently. i'm v privileged to have had this opportunity, and i was able to take advantage of a lot of resources but sometimes i kind of wish i could've gotten a little more.

school: what went well

i experimented and learned things outside what i thought i wanted to go into. it gave me the chance to put aside my previous goals (visdev) and try something i couldn't have pictured myself doing (technical art).

i was able to seek help from departments outside of my art program and learn deeper technical skills. i'm really grateful to a lot of professors in the interactive/games/media department bc they had lot of industry experience to share as well.

i had meaningful mentorship from multiple professors who could offer not only technical pointers but also an experienced perspective on career and life.

my professors have been great references in my getting a job and have also referred me to colleagues for positions.

art foundations classes kicked my ass and in a good way. i think people around me learned crit skills also.

school: definitely a personal beef here but what i hoped would be better...

i didn't always feel challenged by my peers. for school, i think having support and being challenged by your peers is an important part of the experience. i kind of wish someone else did similar work to me in my program or work i would aspire be as good as. however, a lot of the work from my graduating class doesn't rly impress me. i don't feel like i got great crit from the majority of my peers after my junior year.

my program didn't have any game industry experienced professionals. while i could go to the games school for answers, i didn't have any concept of this field until i started my minor my junior year. i kind of feel like i got a late start on the education that really mattered to me.

the job/coop office for my department is Terrible. the white guy working there has no concept of how our field works and once held a seminar to complain to everyone in our major that it was our fault he didn't know how to do his job. when we made suggestions and told him what we needed, he refused to listen and even yelled at us that it didn't work like that. i was on my own for finding my current job— and it doesn't mean i hated it or didn't try, but my cat helped me more than the job office in landing a job. none of the job fairs at this school are game (especially art LOL... ur prob fine if youre dev) related, and some of the professional opportunities (free professional conference admission) for the field offered by the games school aren't open to the 3D major. i was very lucky that i won a GDC scholarship my senior year because i planned to pay that out of pocket (and for remaining expenses i still did).

[meepface]

i am at work and a boy said mean things to me and i refuse to let him get to me so imma do this to distract myself !! ignore me

 Was your first kiss perfect? 


i was a pussy ass bitch and was so shy so i wish i'd gone about it more confidently but the person it was with is perfect 

 How do you handle breakups? 


haven't been broken up with bc i've been the one to end every relationship or fling i've had with anyone and i handled it well bc to me none of them were that serious but if my gf and i broke up i would understand and respect it but i'd probably be very miserable for a while 

 What song did you hear last? 

right now happy by pharrell (sp?) is playing in the store and i wanna die 

 What woke you up this morning? 


my alarm scared me awake tbh i was sleepin so hard 

 If you HAD to get a tattoo where would you get it? 


i already have three lmao but i think my next one is either gonna be another arm one, an ankle one or on my shoulder 

 Favorite fruit?


watermelon 

 Anyone say they wanted to be with you forever?


yeah a few people have but only one of them has it been mutual so that was super awkward for me 

 Are you good at hiding your feelings?


yeah tbh almost too good bc nobody ever knows when i'm feelin: Real Bad so it's always a surprise for them when i finally talk about it 

Do you ever get good morning texts from anyone?


yeah my gf texts me every morning 

 Ever drank too much and did something you were not supposed to?


yep 

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?


yes !! 

 Who were you with last night?


my family 

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?


yeah i had a friend die bc she wasn't wearing a seatbelt 

How many piercings do you have?


3 bc one of my ear piercings closed up and i haven't taken the time to get it repierced 

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?


yep 

 When someone says we need to talk, what runs through your mind?


i fucked up somehow or they found embarrassing/concerning shit i used to post on the internet during one of my many regrettable teenage phases 

Have any text messages saved, and what do they say?


yeah i never delete my text history bc sometimes i like to look back at stuff and make myself sad 

Does anyone have any blackmail on you?


no lmao 

Have you ever set a marshmallow on fire?


yeah they're best when you light em up 

 Would you rather sleep alone or with someone else?


normally alone but i rlly like sleepin by my gf and i've missed her company lately so i have changed  

Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?


girls for sure 

 What are your biggest fears?


settling for less than i deserve bc bein happy seems hard or would hurt someone, the ocean, horses 

 Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?


a lot more lately lol 

 Ever walked into the guy’s bathroom?


yeah why not sometimes u gotta pee bad and there's a line out the girls restroom 

 Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?


my mom 

 Are you shy?


i wouldn't say i'm shy just introverted n not big on small talk  

Are you talkative?


not really 

 Do you secretly like someone?


not a secret lmao 

 Think back to your last relationship. Who ended it?


i did. he cheated on me lmao 

 Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other?


two of my closest friends are guys so yeah lmao 

 What are you listening to at the moment?


magic by coldplay is on in the store lmao i am so sick of our radio station 


What is the last thing you cooked today? 


i bought myself an in and out burger on my way home from class today specifically so that i wouldn't have to cook myself lunch 

 Has your most recent ex ever seen you cry?


nope

Do you cry easily?


i used to not but lately i've cried at least every other day 

 When was the last time you were called cute?


yesterday or the day before i think 

 Would you rather be called hot, cute, or beautiful?


i like hearing that i'm beautiful and i really like hearing that i'm hot. i get cute too much 

 Do you have a little sister?


nope i have a lil brother 

 What happened at 10:00 a.m. today?


i was yellin at my brother to get out of the bathroom bc i had to shower bc i gave myself only like 30 mins to get ready this morning lmao 

 The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?


plenty 

When was the last time you cried?


saturday night i cried a whole bunch 

 Do you think that your boyfriend // girlfriend can also be your best friend?


honestly i hate that dynamic ?? u gotta have close friends outside your relationship. they can't be your whole entire world bc you're gonna be hella lonely if they're busy or if you guys break up 

 How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed?


a few 

 Do you know anyone who has been arrested?


yes 

 Think a lot before you fall asleep?


absolutely 

 Do you wear glasses?


no but when i was little i wanted them bc i look cute as hell w glasses and i pretended i couldn't see well and they took me to get checked out and the doctor was like bitch.... u have 20/20 vision and i was like dam 

 What are you planning on doing after this?


going home and finishing my stats work for my test tomorrow please shoot me

 What are your plans for tomorrow?


take a test in the AM and then visit my gf at work and then go out to dinner with my family 

 What’s something you’re excited for? 


saturday my gf and i are spending the Whole Day together and we haven't gotten to do that in fucking forever and i'm so excited. also i'm excited for my best friend's 21st bday party 

 When was the last time you had ice cream?


i think like a month ago, i had frozen yogurt like an hour ago though if that counts 

 What time did you go to sleep last night? 


1:15 ish

Do you like waking up to good morning texts in the morning?


yeah they make me feel special 

 Will you be up before 7:00 a.m. tomorrow? 


not before but i gotta get up around 7 for my damn class 

 Is tomorrow going to be a good day?


i'm hoping 

 Last place you went out to eat? 


in and out  


What’s on your mind?


idk i am dissociating hella rn so literally nothing but how exhausted i feel 

 What makes you happy most of the time?


bein around the people i love 

When you say you don’t care, do you mean it?


most of the time

[broom-service]

ugh i had to read what he said

P much just going to compile the nonsense being said into one post since I’m now magically unblocked. It’s long.

i cant @ him so if anyone’s wondering it’s about this garbage can of a post

http://altimux.tumblr.com/post/161225497413/apologies-for-this-not-being-under-a-readmore-im

I dont belong in this fandom i have nothing to lose. Besides im fucking sick of the problematic shit going unchecked in this fandom.

You constantly insist that you don’t belong or aren’t in the fandom...but you never really leave........I think the only thing stopping you is your sick need to be creepy and keep tabs on ppl you don’t like.

I have more to say about it than either of you. All you are going on about is hearsay. I’m a motherfucking witness. So sit down and shut your asses up.

This sounds like the cheap knockoff generic brand version of the navy seal copypasta.

You’re about as much of a witness as I was, as you joined the chat after the stuff you’re talking about happened.

You know why im getting involved? This shit has happened before with at least 4 other people and im fucking tired of it.

You’re getting involved because that’s all you know how to do. It’s like you’re only function on this website, man.

You like to weasel your way into situations that result in fallout that you’re not capable of handling. You start shit with people, they get mad, and you backpedal and claim you’re a boohoo sad victim bc people /understandably/ get pissed at you.

You do vindictive, manipulative, impulsive stuff then claim to be morally superior because people react in a way that isn’t nice or “civil”.

You exacerbate everything, stalk people’s blogs looking for any minor slip up or personal post  that you can vague them for because they’re manipulative or something or make a lazy callout post about them, you misinform relentlessly, you’re just relentless in general about being a drama-inducing nuisance.

Maybe if you didn’t leave shitstorms in your wake every single time your ugly fursona finds its way into my activity feed, you wouldn’t feel so unwelcome.

Being accused of something that the person didnt do, and getting bullied out of the fandom. And even if they did, who are they apologizing to? Most of the people in toonblr that were in the chat fucking left.

Well you did say that they joked about incest, clearly not something to joke about and is very apologize-worthy to ppl that had to see something so ugly.

The only people you can get ANY info from are people who hate Pong to begin with. Of course theyd be like “hey yeah theyre into fambly” because it opens them up to being punished.

Ok but why are you talking about this and not them. What does this have to do with you.

Oh wait, it’s because you’re so horrendously consumed by bringing down anyone vaguely affiliated with the drama you started ages ago because that’s all you seem to talk about when it comes to this fandom. You post zero content that isn’t vagues. Right. Moving on.

They could’ve made a post themselves talking about the unfortunate stuff they did in the past, and how it was something they’d like to pretend didn’t happen. If ppl didn’t trust them after, fine. No one should be forced to be ok with it.

But like, at least it would’ve been something.

Just hopping back in but being like “the tag is bad not me” is not the way to go about it, my dude. It’s almost like they’re learning from you.

I hate to get into kinkshaming culture but smth cut and dry. If y'alls wanna joke abt kinks (vore me daddy, etc) without being into them you know damn well its not fair to suddenly say “no even joking about it isnt ok youre disgusting” and then treating the person like they get off to it. Yes there are “kinks” that are illegal and arent ok to even jole about but of all things, fambly doesnt even hold a candle to it. Sure its not morally ok, but this attack on Pong isnt justified.

what the fuck. what the fuck. what the fuck.

did u just equate vore to being in the same realm of bad as incest?????

i just...oh man. oh man you’re digging your own grave here dude.

just do me a favor and never become a lawyer. please.

On top of that this shit was TWO YEARS AGO. How the everloving fuck do you hold someone accountable of blogging something so old ot would take eons to dig it up. People change in two years. Things they used to approve of they may be against in two years. To punish them continuously for something you heard about is VERY toxic.

You’d know a lot about toxic behavior and never letting things go wouldn’t you?

More on that down below. wink wonk.

I intervened because all that i can see happening is you get your apology and turn them into an example of what happens to toonblrs that are problematic at any point in their life.

No you intervened because you’re self-righteous and are consumed by the need to validate your obsession with someone.

Did they see the post I made themselves? Or were you on one of your nightly “lets see whomst I can make vages about today” runs and happened to see that post and took it upon yourself to relay it to them?

You were looking for an outlet to try and find ways in which I could be seen as problematic because I associate myself with that someone and that (in your mind) would validate how bad they are bc they hang out with bad and naughty toonblrs like me. Or the reverse of that.

But you’re reaching, as usual.

How much do they have to say “they dont approve of fambly” for you to believe them? That they have to apologize to people who only heard about it through others? Would you keep pushing them to bend over backwards? Or no matter what they do you’ll always see them as “a bad influence”

Just call it incest, dude. Keep the weird kink name shit out of this lol

And if they said “Hey guys I don’t approve of incest, also I’m back and a good person jsyk” I would’ve believed them.

I don’t see that as bending over backwards.

But then you had to go and do......all this.

And if Pong were to ignore you,

That shit is manipulative. Thats why i intervened. The only people that have the right to request an apology are people who were in the chat. Or is someone using you as a puppet? ;)

I can request an apology if I damn well please.

And no I’m not a puppet like...calm down dude. There’s no insidious plot made by the toonblr elite to get you and your 4 fellow former toonblr trash boys that are the only ppl that like your toonblr-related vagues.

In any case its you guys who should apologize to them. Theyre just trying to exist in the space like you are. Not only do you have no right to bring up old shit, you dont have the right to request an apology when all the information you have recieved is distorted by the biases of the people around you. Fuck off, @broom-service and @minglermail​

I’m not apologizing for anything lmao

and keep Pom out of this. They don’t deserve to deal with ur nonsense dude.

Sincerely, the “king of not letting things go”, the former mun of toon-sirshade two years ago, and current mun of @toon-cream.

Omg !!! Secret identity revealed!!! It’s almost like I worded my responses safely knowing that you, a garbageboy stinkman, would post them publicly. 

Like you, I have nothing to lose from this. I’m not the type that’s going to like....write a sincere apology and delete because shade “This Is None Of My Business But Now I Guess It Is” stinkman posted a private conversation that I went out of my way to make civil and bland as possible.

PS: vague culture is cowardly bullshit. Either talk to them or call them out.

You’ve built your identity on vagues, dude.

AT LEAST DELETE THEM BEFORE U MAKE SUCH A STATEMENT, MY GOODNESS.

thats a vague u took from a reblog blog owned by a person that is extremely uncomfortable with your stalking.

but yknow you just keep creeping on them anyway. relentlessly.

another. still stalking.

and my personal favorite one you made about me

remember when u said i was racist for making a character out of my own culture that u know nothing about?? im not gonna assume your race like you did to me but hoo boy this is a very white tumblery thing to do.

like sit the fuck down yourself dude.

God this is what made me loathe you, man. I could’ve looked past all the shit you started before but like????? You knew NOTHING about the character bc I hadn’t posted her story, NOTHING about me and my heritage, yet you just go and try to find any reason to make me seem like a shitty person.

you were planning on making a callout post as if that would’ve made me look like the bad guy, but as usual, everything you have to say has no substance and you only do things to get a reaction out of people.

and you acted so tough like ur callout was going to make me delete or something omg

jesus fucking christ i was trying to be civil but this makes my blood boil.

There are other characters people have made with strong ties to a cultural identity, and their creators haven’t gotten shit for it.

I know you targeted that character because I’m the one that made it, not because you care about racist caricatures.

It’s not a racist caricature. I based her on pictures of my fucking grandma’s outfits that she wore when she took trips to Mexico to visit her grandma. I’ve worn those dresses and those braids myself. You have no fucking clue how much that shit means to me. You’re just a sick, sad person hunting through a blog dedicated to technicolor animals just to make me look bad.

No amount of “misinformation” that’s been spread about Pong or whatever will compare to how much you’ve spread about other people or the paranoia (not even using that term lightly) you induce by your constant stalking and harassment -- however indirect it may be. Maybe you should apologize for calling me racist, rather than asking for an apology for someone else out of a misplaced and false sense of justice.

I really think you need to take a step back and try self-awareness for once.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #79

“there’s a man standing on top of a hill, screaming freedom for some, but all others must kneel.”

how do you typically introduce yourself in online settings? name, age, location, and i'll usually mention my passions. what do you think will bring on the end of the world? nuclear war, global warming, black hole, etc. religious armageddon of some sort. i don't even remember how the bible mentioned the world would end. do you believe in the death penalty? in VERY FEW CASES, yes. some people are just pure villainous. have you ever done role play? i think my common viewers know i'm a meerkat forum rper, but i've never done, like, real life rp. too weird for me personally. have you ever/would you ever do anal? nope and nope. what’s more important- length or width? why? i don't really care? do you talk dirty during sex? moderately. what was your first orgasm like? never had one, but i got extremely close once while being fingered but panicked so we stopped. i didn't know what was going on lmao. do you own any hair extensions from hot topic? nope. 7-11, sheetz, wawa, or starbucks? sheetz. what do you want to name your kids? daughter will 100% be alessandra, boy will be vincent, luther, or victor. do you personally know any authors? i knew a poet once, but never an author. kissed someone within a day of having a bf/gf? no, holy fuck, slow down. have you ever kept it a secret from someone that you liked them? yeah. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker? i don't think so. is there anyone you would date on your facebook friend list? no. ever been swimming in a lake or river? lake, multiple times. first time you kissed the last person you kissed? 2012 have you ever broken someone’s heart? idk. ever had a near death experience? i guess so. i overdosed, but i wasn't heavily affected by it, honestly. i've also gotten in a mild wreck. when was the last time you held someone’s hand? some months ago when i was getting my cyst emptied; i was holding mom's. can you play guitar hero? expert, babe. who is someone you know that can play the piano well? no one. who is the best dancer you know? carmen, the older sister of my little sister's former friend. name a time you thought you were going to die? immediately after i overdosed. have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? very commonly. do you know your neighbors? nope. how do you feel about interracial couples? awesome. what restaurant do you think has the best french fries? i am honestly not certain! who’s your best guy friend? sam or girt, idk. do you like fruit roll ups? yep. what’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? hot and humid. UGH. do you have a kindle or ipad or neither? neither. growing up, did you see your cousins often? i didn't. they live many states away. around what time do you usually eat dinner? between 6-7:30 do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? i don't like carrots period. did you play with legos as a kid? nope. which bothers you more… spelling mistakes or bad grammar? bad grammar. is there a food that you love the taste of, but makes you feel sick? bananas are the prime example. love 'em, but i get heartburn that could kill a man. which did you discover first, myspace or facebook? myspace have you ever turned to drinking or smoking to solve a problem? let me clarify something here: drinking/smoking does not "solve" the problem, nor do i believe it is capable of doing so. have i turned to drinking for some relief from a problem, sure. if you HAD to get a piercing (not ears) what would you get? i want my lip repierced. what do you wish you had more knowledge about? politics. i don't understand a good 3/4 of it have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting or any kind of abuse at home? divorce and parents fighting, yes. they fought so bad that just yelling became a trigger to me. do you drink more apple or orange juice? orange juice do you think relationships are hard? honestly, no. just think about it: if you truly love someone, what is so difficult about it? what is your favorite pop-tart flavor? oh my gaaaad the reeses ones. ever had the ‘birds and the bees’ talk with your parents? nope. i learned in family life. do you think you have to be skinny in order to be beautiful? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! would you ever get gauged ears? noooo. have you ever been in a school talent show? what for? i haven't, but my best friend sang in one!! have you ever dated someone you met online? nope. are you a competitive person? nope. do you believe in aliens? i do not. do you like dancing? not really anymore... it's draining. where are you from? north carolina how much more social are you when you’re drunk? VERY if you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? dakota is tomboyish, i like that... or georgia, sounds very pretty... what’s your favorite form of exercise? swimming do you like guacamole? NO EW do you consider yourself sexually open minded? sure? how do you feel about porn? it's fucking disgusting. who was your hottest ex? jason was hot, don't care what anyone says. do you want/have kids? i want them. has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? ohhhh, how funny! he's not around anymore! :D do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? nah. what’s your favorite flavor of iced tea? i hate tea. have you ever been to a casino? if so, which one(s)? none. do you love or hate olives? eh, neutral. have you ever visited a sex shop? nope. do you like the name cindy for a girl? nope. how many sets of keys do you have for your house? two. do you know anyone who has parkinson’s disease? don't think so. how many cousins do you have? what are their names? OH GOD TOO MANY. have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? i have not. do you use instagram? how often do you post there? i do not. what’s your favorite brand of beer? never tried beer. do you like writing? how often do you write? i love writing! i do it a few times a day. what’s your favorite place to get pizza? domino's! has there ever been a fire inside your house? tell me the story. not while we inhabited it. our old house, however, burned to a crisp inside due to its new residents putting a fucking box on the stove. it was a brick house though, so the exterior was fine and it was rebuilt on the interior. have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? no. how many piercings do you have? only four now... ugh. do you own any sports bras? where’d you get them from? i do not. what’s the most expensive restaurant you’ve ever eaten at? no place all that expensive, honestly. who was the last person to tell you that you were beautiful/cute/good-looking? are you attracted to that person too? chelsea called me beautiful, and she absolutely is, too! has anyone ever called you stuck-up? no. when is the next birthday in your household and whose is it? nicole's is in april. what color are your father’s eyes? brown in winter, would you rather wear a jacket or hoodie? hoodie have you ever voluntarily read the bible? i read some of it, yes. how much is gas where you live? like... $2.20 a gallon. do you have any gay friends? i do. do you like the state you live in? nope. who is your favorite person to watch on youtube? has to be a singular youtuber? then markiplier. how often would you say you take naps? once every few days. have you ever played bejeweled? that game was my mom's SHIT. it was all right. does your mom have a facebook? yes. have you ever been bitten by a rat? no. why do you not wash off your makeup on some nights? being lazy. does blueberry syrup sound good to you, right now? no. did you get lucky on prom night? sex-wise, no, but in my own opinion, i got very lucky, because we made my favorite memory. have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? noooo. last song you had stuck in your head? "pity party" by melanie martinez has been stuck in my head for over 24 hours lmao kill me did you ever spill something and actually cry over it? i don't know of a specific occasion, but it's possible i have, especially if i was REALLY hungry or thirsty. do you think that everyone is capable of love? i sure do not. do you believe in astrology? nope. i don't waste my time with it. if you had to wear a hat for the rest of your life, what would it be? fedora. they sexy. would you rather have a musical alarm clock or a regular one? musical!! when you were little, what was your favorite game? the "spyro the dragon" trilogy was my life. do you prefer to wrap gifts or use gift bags? gift bags are more aesthetically pleasing, imho. do you own a trenchcoat? fam i wish. are you currently in a smoking environment? yes. chelsea is allowed to smoke here. if a stranger smiles at you, do you smile back? usually, but i may feel a bit awkward. have you ever known a guy who caused a lot of drama? i sure do. have you ever taken care of a drunk friend? nope. what’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? i'm not entirely certain how i feel about it. now if you're hunting and actually eat what you kill, that's 100% cool, it's survival. but killing just to kill? sounds... immoral. but then again, i'm a christian and understand animals were put on the earth for humans, so idk. have you ever gone in a sauna? oh fuck that. sounds like hell to me. out of these colors, which appeals most to you: orange, blue, or green? orange do you believe in finders keepers in most situations? not at all. has anyone in your family fought in any of the wars? not to my knowledge. would you make any changes to your current bedroom? i, technically, do not have a bedroom atm bc we're in the process of moving. what animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? meerkats, totes. having them as pets is horrible for them, and i'm pretty sure it's illegal in the u.s., too. do you own many pairs of shorts? i have none. is there a certain song you like to head bang to? surprisingly, i don't headbang. hurts my head. who was or will be the maid of honor/best man in your wedding? colleen! :D what is your favorite lunch meat?  salami, probs. do you still have your tonsils? i do. red or pink? pink! do you have a special talent? lmaoooo where were you born? rocky mount, nc do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother?  no. what do you think the hardest part of surviving is?  just the pain of it. do you know anyone with a lazy eye? yep. can you remember your parents’ birthdays?  mom's, yes; dad's, no. what piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? lip. tongue is a close second, they sexy. what brand of hair dye do you prefer to use? splat, bc it actually works for my hair. are you any good at applying make up?  no, due to my tremor. are you currently wearing any hair accessories? which ones? i am not. do you like potato chips? bury me in a bag of lays pls gold or silver? gold is there an animal that creeps you out? WHALE SHARKS, slugs, certain spiders and bugs, etc... have you ever seen northern lights? i wish! do your parents smoke? dad does is your favorite animal endangered?  no how old is your best friend?  21 if there was a large spider in your room, would you stay in the room? that shit's gotta get out, no. what color is your cell phone? black do you take vitamins daily?  no what’s one thing you hate about your best friend?  she's racist. be honest: do you illegally download music? yeah. welcome to 2k17. what’s the worst crime someone can commit? rape. you’re painting your room. what color do you choose? hm. i'd really have to see how my new room's going to look, but maybe like, a coffee-colored tan. what dog breed is the cutest ever? akita inus, eeeek! are cherries delicious? ew, no. have you ever experienced a tornado? thank the actual lord jesus christ no. how about a flood? yes. my brother went outside, slid down the slide on our playset, and fucking swam in it lmao do you or have you ever owned a pair of light up shoes? sure, as a kid. what is a current goal you’re trying to achieve? obtain a job. is there something that you thought you would’ve outgrown/gotten over by now, but haven’t? definitely forum meerkat role-play. i started that in middle school ffs dude. how often do you “draw a blank” mentally? A LOT. mainly when i'm talking, which is annoying. have you ever played the sims?   the animal ones, yes.  loved 'em. is your current hair color your natural hair color?   no, but you can see my roots now. can you run a mile in under 7 minutes?   HAHAHAHAHAHAHA do you have your license?   i do not.  i'm a nervous wreck when driving. have you ever sleep walked?   i have not. where was your first job?   gamestop do you remember your second grade teacher’s name?   mrs. whitley what do you like on your sundaes?   i like nothing "on" them have you been blessed with the ability to cook and/or bake?   nope... have you gained more than 5 lbs within the past year?   ... i gained over 100.  it's fucking embarrassing.  i just found out recently the weight gain was moreso a medication i was finally taken off of rather than eating habits, though. do you want kids at some point?   i do. are you lactose intolerant?   no. do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage?   it's a personal choice.  if you want to, go for it. what is your sexual orientation?   heterosexual have you ever bought clothing online?   yes, i prefer it. do you think shakespeare is difficult to read?   not really, no. do you play solitaire in the computer?   no, dunno how. have you ever received nude pictures from someone?   no. admit it: you had a neopets account.   damn right i did, neopets was/is rad. is there a pet in the room with you right now?   miracle and maxwell are currently playing, yes. how weight conscious are you?   VERY OMG is there anyone else with you right now?   bradley, colleen's husband, is currently watching tv in here w/ me. have you ever been accused of cheating?   nope. have you ever taken a train?   i have not. is being thin really all that great?   not necessarily "thin," but slim, sure.  you're more likely to be physically healthy. have you ever been to a night club?   i haven't. does any accent annoy you?   a veeeery thick southern accent doesn't "annoy" me, but it's aggravating 'cuz i can't understand you. what’s worse: crocs or uggs?   crocs are unholy. do you feel awkward when a stranger sits next to you?   yep. do you have any taylor swift songs on your ipod?   ... i confess to "picture to burn" and "should've said no" kill me pls do you want your tongue or belly button pierced?   tongue, yes.  a belly button ring wouldn't look good on me. do you hate it when people smoke around you?   YEAH what is your blood-type?   a.  don't remember if it's positive or negative tho. are you donating your organs?   yes. do you sleep on your side, stomach or back?   side, always. have you ever been a fan of ‘n sync?   i was a '90s baby.  you know it. do you know anyone that has/had cancer?   mom had kidney cancer. were you a big jump roper back in the day?   i was.  i got to where i could jump in. has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you?   yes.  not that i wanted that to happen. do you like chinese food?   a few things, sure.  just had some last night. do long distance relationships work?   of course.  not my first choice for me personally though. how do you like your eggs?   scrambled, cheesy. mcdonald’s or burger king?   mcd's.

[sumergosuigeneris]

March 17, 2019 Part I

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Interesting fact. St. Patrick’s Day used to be a religious holiday. People went to church; it was a solemn occasion. Then? Amurca happened.

I’m a bad Irish-American. Not a member of any groups. Never learned the dance stuff. Haven’t eaten corned beef and cabbage in years. Also, hate the ‘family crest.’ It’s a color combination I hate - red and yellow. I hate red and yellow. I hate brown and yellow. I hate brown and red. And any of those combinations with orange. Funny thing about my ‘family.’ It’s really more like Scottish clans. So, the clan. I read this description that I’ve never seen before that said my Irish clan was a bunch of sluts. They didn’t say sluts. They also didn’t say they were extremely fertile. Just prolific, so I ain’t royalty. But however you say it, that’s what they were saying.

Bar crawl went interesting. It started a lot earlier than I was expecting, so I ended up in a rush. There was an accident on the way, which started to make me late. Then I was in an accident. I was side-swiped. It’s actually been one of my biggest fears. The lanes are tiny here, and I see other people going over the lane markers all.the.time. I don’t think I do, but do other people think they do? We were going around a curve. I’m pretty sure he curved into me. But I can’t be 100% sure. I think he admitted guilt without admitting guilt. But I also don’t know how it could be proven any way. And I think I’m in a state with faulted auto insurance. Either way, fault or no fault, I did NOT want another ding on my record. It’s been a year and a half, and I want to make it to 5 or 10 years. He didn’t want to report it either. Insurance. But honestly, his car reeked to high heaven of pot. I can’t imagine anyone excepting his kid wasn’t smoking. So, he’d probably have gotten in trouble. I ain’t about all that. And I didn’t really have much damage. A couple scrapes. He did or did not have a lot of damage; he said most of what he had was previously there. I am grateful no one, including myself, was hurt, but it was very upsetting. And that, along with the control arm issue, has made me paranoid. Because again, people go over the lane lines all.the.time.

So I was proud of me for getting my oil changed yesterday. I was even gonna spring for a $70 maintenance inspection package. But the guy remembered me from the key incident, and got me most of what was in the package, just by paying for the oil change. Not sure if he would have been that honest if not for the key incident, but I’d like to think so. Anyway, it paid off to take my car to the AAA facility again, instead of a closer location. :( Business. But they found a problem with the left front control arm. I actually think it was found before and that I forgot about it. And that’s what makes me scared. I asked about it, because I feel like I’ve had to replace a lot of control arms (just not the whole thing in my old car). Pot holes are a big problem. And I live in an area riddled with pot holes. There are streets I traverse regularly that are more pot hole than road. And railroad tracks. Those are bad too. I cross railroad tracks more often than anywhere else I’ve lived. It’s just a basic physics issue. You’d think they’d resolve it in design, but I guess they’re busy putting in tv’s and luxury touches. They’re also making cars too wide. Can’t say anything about trucks. Trucks are monsters and have been for decades; it’s just the way it is. But control arms are expensive.

For the people had a character take a mocking stance against UVa law. That’s rude. It’s a good school. I’d rather they made fun of a school, I really really hate. Omg I love me some Kate&Leonard. I don’t want to; he treated her poorly, but damn. And oh do I adore Anna deveare smith.

ICE has some real motherfuckers working for them. Not sure if those people sucked before they took jobs there, or if the jobs make them douches.

I’d love to see a tv show about supreme court clerks, but given how the actual runs, it would probably be hard to make exciting on the screen.

So the bar crawl started off slow. My anxiety, plus the lingering nausea of the past few days, plus the adrenaline from the accident had me thinking I wasn’t going to drink much. I drank more than I planned, but not enough to get sick. I had a close call. I had a free shot of jameson, my fav irish whiskey, but I’m not good at taking shots. Small mouth, uncoordinated with the throat, a pita gag reflex...well this damn one started going down the wrong tube right away. So I’m coughing b/c my throat is burning. If you’ve ever had jameson, it doesn’t work that way. It is smooth. But I look like a pissant who can’t hold her liquor, so I HAD to do another one to reclaim my cred. They were roasting me, so it was necessary. We actually finished the crawl!!! We’ve never done that before. It was hard, and we did it with one minute to spare, and there were only 7 official stops, but we did it. I was proud! I’m kind of sad to have missed the cruise. A bunch more people were going there than joined us on the crawl. Oh well. Next time.

I did use schat. It’s the first time I posted in 6 months, minus a week. And I remember one reason that was a good reason to stop. Looking to see who as looked at your pics, how many people, etc...The people I was with last night spent soooo much time taking pics to get the right pics, and posting and looking and....tweether has stressed me out again, and I see it happening soon enough with snipsnap.

I’ve been waking up naturally for months now. But it turns out that the time change has fucked me. Because now, I’m waking up an hour later than I should for a work day.

Oh, I did check work email yesterday. I missed two things. Oh well. I just can’t. I was fucking sick. From drinking too much yes, but not completely from that. There’s no way I would have slept for two days and had nausea for 3. And I’m still getting off and on cramps. I wonder if the bc is starting to work or not? I ate a lot of crap food over the last few days. Apparently, it’s biological. But it’s also something that should be resisted. Oh well.