#have you read the book of bill?

[meraki-sunset]

So i dreamed with Bill Cipher the other day.

i've been really into Gravity Falls this few weeks. i rewathched the show with my sister and read Book of Bill and Journal 3 and decoded a bunch of stuff from those and from the secret website. we're like gathering lore like our life depends on it and theorizing and god i missed that show.

my subconscious that night: you can have some Bill Cipher bullying you, as a treat

[okidraw]

i wanted to show them the stars.

[umblrspectrum]

nevermind i figured out how to draw her

[cultofcipher]

Bill Cipher thoughts (BoB Spoilers Ahead)

I'm really sitting on how Bill's displayed so much of himself indirectly in the BoB. How during the Love section he denies having exes, marking them out. How said exes show up SEVERAL times scratched out or are regarded with this bitterness of someone who did NOT do the breaking up part. Bill got dumped. Every time. And is desperately trying to bury his feelings.

And that's something I think the Book of Bill really highlights in a way. The fact that Bill has feelings. That deep down he's a broken triangle. It's all over the book's writing. Him pointing out how to use denial and rationalization and other bad coping mechanisms to basically ignore and lie to himself (and show us how to do it) and basically convince himself that he is as heartless as he tries to be. Him avoiding his exes. The tone he uses and the avoidance really giving the "I don't handle breakups well and I'm still petty about it". Him constantly telling himself that he's fine. He's not fine. Him crying over Ford leaving and getting wasted. Him being bitter about the henchmaniacs not calling. His regret over what happened to his world. His loneliness. GOD his loneliness. His self-hatred. His scathing remark about definitely NOT having some tragic backstory that humanizes him and how he's not an "I can fix him case". Calling himself a monster. His longing for home. The "Last one breathing". The "I tried to change the past". The "my hands shaking, as I realized I could never undo the". The "until there was no one left but me, covered in blood, alone in the universe". The goddamn "I don't want to die alone" Valentine's card. The last few pages. Just, the last few pages. That isolation, his pained "I'M FINE". The almost sad plea for someone to let him out.

Bill cares. He's fucked up, unstable, violent. But he does care about people he gets along with and he feels understand him. For every "I'm just playing the bit" and using people with nice gestures, I think a fraction of that is somewhat genuine. And he hates it. He hates his own vulnerability. He hates his lack of apathy. He's denying himself his own emotions constantly under so many layers of distractions, eldritch horrors, and repression. He can't think about home, about failure, about how every relationship he's ever had, platonically or otherwise, ended. And it wasn't on his terms.

Him talking about/to his mom when he's drunk. How his mom called him Billy as a kid. How his home life sounded simple. How Bill as an individual is anything BUT simple. And how his drunken state holds such fondness for that simplicity, yet it was suffocating. How he would've broken free eventually, inevitably, because he knew that's who he was. It's his nature. He was destined for more.

How it cost him everything.

How he's constantly chasing insanity like it's a drug. Like he needs the power trip to stay high. To not think too hard. To drown out his emotions and his self-reflections and everything he hates about himself.

How in Gravity Falls he still tried to get Ford to side with him after everything, cause that was his vulnerability showing, for the slightest glimpse of a moment. Cause he doesn't want to do it alone. Him reaching out to the reader in his book, because he doesn't want to do it alone. Can't do it alone. Even when he eventually betrays that person, I think him offering Ford that cushy spot alongside his henchmaniacs makes me think that yeah, Bill actually would've upheld his end of the deal.

He thinks he wants multiversal domination. He thinks Weirdmageddon is his Magnum Oppus. His purpose. But he's so lost. If he ever does get what he wants, he won't know what to do with himself. He'll be faced with the "Now what?". He'll hit the end of the road and realize how unsatisfying it is. How this isn't what he wanted.

How lonely it is to be God.

I think the Axolotl sees that in Bill. It's why he doesn't try to destroy him or attack him or anything. He sees that inner self of Bill. Sees him for what he really is. Someone who needs a LOT of therapy, a true, honest to goodness friend or partner in his life, and maybe a more sustainable life purpose or hobby. He has so much potential and in a way his pursuit of power, rather than being an actualization of his abilities, is a waste of them, because it gets him nowhere.

And he needs help, even if he doesn't think he does. He's a depressed alcoholic frat boy trying to drown his misery in a way that hurts and kills worlds. He's a girlfailure, a bisexual/pansexual disaster (he's at LEAST canonically bisexual or at MOST canonically pan cause this guy has dated both ways).

Bill's book is so incredibly amazing for what it is. All the lies, all the unrealiable narrator parts of Bill's facades and flaws and him being himself and all of his genuine thoughts and feelings bleeding through the lines and showing themselves but only in a way that you can really understand if you understand him and can tell when he's lying and when he's not. To see the real parts of him, and everything else. This book was perfect, and it was perfectly imperfectly him. This truly is Bill's book. It's so him in such a raw and genuine yet dishonest way. I'm gonna cherish this damn book forever.

[huginsmemory]

Said with love of course. Companion post to this.

[f-imaginings]

If you've just discovered Billford from the Book of Bill you'll enjoy:

Knowing Me Knowing You on ao3!

If you're looking for fanfic to read that hits on the key dynamics from the Book of Bill, (despite the bulk of the fic existing before the books release) look no further! In the interest of tooting my own horn, to celebrate the new chapter I'd like to recommend a fic inspired by ABBA BABBA's musical back catalogue!

If you read the book of bill and wanted to see more of:

toxic old man yaoi billford

pre-betrayal worshipful billford (plus canon typical gravity falls anomaly research and hijinks)

post betrayal angsty possession billford (with bonus BORD!)

interdimensional cat and mouse portal billford (catch me if you can!)

Stanford getting it on with a triangle (and a human bill pre-betrayal) in many weird and wonderful ways

complex relationship dynamics between Ford, Fiddleford and Bill

Institute of Oddology toxic fidd/author/bill side story

Heist after heist with the henchmaniacs

Ford's portal adventures!

Terrible jokes that will make you laugh anyway!

A power dynamic that levels the playing field (Ford in control) and then decimates the field altogether!

Ford fell first, Bill fell harder!

Fleshed out backstories for the wider cast in Gravity Falls and a story that respects everyone's agency!

A Billford fic that takes a break from the toxic ship to spend a chapter with Stanley pug smuggling in New Mexico

Morally ambiguous Jheselbraum with past connections to Bill

Lottocron 9 and the infinity sided dice (including Ford's trip to the M dimension! Hate that place!!!)

Then you might enjoy this fic! It's just updated, with more chapters on the way, so if you're ready for a journey into mystery, mayhem and mischief, strap yourself in!

*author's disclaimer - Book of Bill DID align exactly with my fanfic and I was not disappointed!

[jdeere625]

the old man and the gay triangle got to me okay

[cloudysarts]

🤞

[kawoid]

...tea?

[triangular-static]

look i understand if people just don't like the idea of billford, i think we have a different internal concept of what shipping means (they're not good for each other at all but i need to dissect their dynamic like a bug. you understand. it's fun) but it's fine to avoid things you don't like, good for you genuinely

however people saying they like. don't see it. like. i'm not saying there's no platonic way to read it, i'm aroace spec myself i'm all for reading things in different ways. but i do think saying they weren't partners in any queer sense at all is trying too hard to go against what the narrative is trying to say, or missing it. somehow

anyway media literacy time if a character makes a joke like this

and the previous context of that joke within the show is that it's about an ex wife. what connection do you think the text is trying to get you to make.

and that's just from a writing point of view. not even noting that from an in universe perspective ford likely knows the joke from the same source as stan. and is therefore. placing himself in that role of the joke are you seeing where i'm coming from

(not to mention bill's side of this text which is. extremely manipulative but also does not read very platonic. again, it can technically be read as platonic! bill literally can manipulate ford's feelings. but the specific wording used is very much meant to look like possessive ex partner wording whether the character means it that way or not. it's coding. look again i'm not saying it was good for them i'm just saying there was something there.)

and then there's also the divorce/break up/rock bottom input on the website. like. how else is that supposed to be read. and the corresponding page in the book itself.

the language being used here. like yes he's saying it in a joking way but then there's the other side that isn't joking which is him crying at the bar. it's the both sides (the very coded language on top of the very genuine emotions and dynamic beneath)

i know most of us are on the same page with this i've just seen a couple people saying they don't see it when this is some of the most clear cut coding i've ever seen. and these are just the things that explicitly reference a relationship off the top of my head i'm not even including the general vibes of Everything

tl;dr it's barely even subtext anymore it's all but straight up text. what's not clicking have we forgotten what coding is (lighthearted i just enjoy the phrase what's not clicking. what's not clicking)

[s-che]

Parasitic Games

So I've been rewatching Gravity Falls, right? And reading the Book of Bill, of course. And also playing a lot of Cultist Simulator? Which is a weird one but also a very specific combination of vibes.

Anyway I blacked out and finally wrote a twin pair of journaling games, A CALAMITOUS COINCIDENCE and THE ALCHEMIST. I wrote them in my dark basement research center (apartment) while remembering only occasionally to fulfill my obligations to the outside world (still going to work, I guess) while attempting to string together the clues and assemble, at last, my magnum opus (get them on the actual page, or screen I guess).

Anyway, let's do some normal ad copy.

Calamitous Coincidence is based on stories of lonely investigators, clever children, and inescapable tragedy (like A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Mysterious Benedict Society, and Gravity Falls) while The Alchemist lets you jump right in to bullshit esoteric thinking inspired by absolute freaks like John Dee and Aleister Crowley (or Cultist Simulator and Susanna Clarke's Piranesi, which are the reasons I actually wrote it).

I'm really putting that religion degree to good work, huh?

Both games give you the tools you need to figure out who you are in the world, what you're looking for, and where you think you'll find it -- neither give you the answers you're looking for. You'll have to find those yourself.

Both games are prototypes, currently available on Patreon for anyone paying $3 or more. As always with my patreon stuff, I extremely, extremely encourage you to sign up for a month, download the stuff you're interested interested in, and then cancel. It still means a lot.

Both games have been setting my brain on fire for the last month and a half, and I'm glad to get them out into the world (even if they are still a little broken).

I hope you like them:)

[sforzesco]

sforza siblings :)

just. scribbling out galeazzo and ascanio, during one of ascanio's visits back home. somewhere between 1473-1475, probably

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / insta / tip jar!

[onpie]

Noodles and Tea’s work inspired me fr

[haveyoureadthisbook-poll]

[mugwot]

his own favorite person And worst enemy :] the full package

i am cringe And free, so bill in human shape be upon you

[littlecrow4]

This is officially the LONGEST I’ve spent finishing a piece AND AGAIN ITS ALL BILL’S FAULT!!!

I’m gonna start sneaking in little Bill’s so it’ll be a fun little game of “Spot the Bill”