#have to cry about it for awhile
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flamedork · 2 years ago
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THEN A VOICE SAYS "YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION. YOU WILL NEVER LEARN 👏 YOUR 👏 LESS 👏 ON" FOOLISH ONE STOP CHECKING YOUR MAILBOX FOR CONFESSIONS OF LOVE 👏 THAT 👏 AIN'T 👏 NEV 👏 ER 👏 GON 👏 NA 👏 COME
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suddencolds · 8 months ago
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~ /delete later/ ~
#😭 i've been absent from every venue in my life for some time because#work killed my capacity to interact with anything fun#i know i owe several people responses + i will try to get to them when i'm feeling better#due to [redacted] there are like 3 different initiatives i'm working on simultaneously at work and overlapping deadlines#it is too much to explain in one post but i've been like sleeping at 1am working unpaid overtime and waking up at like 6am to work.#haven't touched anything creative because i can feel my energy flagging and i just don't want another reason to#be faced with my own inadequacy... haven't talked to friends because i can't muster up the energy to properly commit to something that isn'#work... anyways i finally asked some of the really experienced members on my team for help and we worked together on#this one problem for like 5 hours straight#only for them to deem that the task was literally impossible T.T (ofc we took certain steps to remediate)#but one of my team members spoke highly of me for my efforts and like because of that acknowledgment#something inside me loosened for the first time in awhile.#i don't want to talk too much about the other sources of my stress because it's probably the least interesting subject ever#but it is scary for me to find that i can't derive joy from the things that used to fulfill me (art/friendships/etc)#because it feels like giving up in a way. like a fundamental part of myself as i've defined myself is totally inaccessible#but also in times like this it feels like i cannot stomach being the person i want to be#tonight i wandered onto twt for the first time in awhile and found this iv//nt//ll fan animatic based off of this vo//cal//oid song i#had on repeat like 10 years ago. which sounds silly (and it is)#but it made me excited in a way i haven't been for awhile. like holy crap this is cool this is a song i love (and maybe i do have the#capacity to love things still?) something about it just made me want to cry#how i missed this feeling... the simple childish feeling of i love this art and it's fucking awesome#i can't say that everything has been fixed because it is not but i really missed this
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daughter-heir · 2 years ago
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Just had my first court appearance I did it it’s over and I think I did fine I am so relieved!!!! the judge said that me and oc’s briefs were “very well drafted” and that we did a nice job with them!! counting that as a W
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sledge-in-space · 1 year ago
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You know, I've debated writing this for a long time. Because I know it's going to sound incredibly stupid.
But for a character who seems to matter so little in the grand scheme of things, Joey Hudson matters so much to me. She was our friend. She endured so much. And when we come to rescue her we can see that she broke out of her cell with a shank as her only weapon.
We can see that she killed at least three peggies during her escape. That she was laying low and most likely waiting for John.
She thought she was going to be trapped down there forever, and that eventually she was going to be killed. But she still fought at every step of the way, because she was going to go out fighting. We can see her resilience, tenacity and anger in her voice lines. And despite how much she suffered, she wasnt going to leave the other prisoners behind.
And I know she's just a character in a ubisoft game. We get glimpses of her personality but she isnt nearly as well rounded as some other members of the cast. In the end she dies anyway, so what does it matter?
It matters to me because it feels like a lot of people don't seem to care about what happened to her.
I think it's sad and honestly a little sickening that most of her worst moments have been gifed to hell and back, all the while there are people who wish they were in her position. Because if it were them, they could fuck John or get fucked by him.
I already feel like John is portrayed as being a bit of a creep, with the level of obsession he displays and how fulfilling he finds the act of hurting others. But when people wish they were in her position, or download shirtless mods for John in cutscenes where she's also present, it suddenly feels like Joey is in danger of something more sinister than torture.
I'm not blind. I understand why people like him as a villain and a character. But excluding Joey from the story or trivializing the cruel, sick torture she went through so that John gets full, unrestricted access to your dep?
It just doesn't feel right or fair in my opinion.
Which I know sounds ridiculous because it's a video game and none of the characters are real. It would be completely audacious of me to say that no one should like him, or that it is somehow morally unjust to ignore his cruelty.
I don't think liking "bad guy" characters is indicative of having no morals or empathy. I like a lot of characters from different media that have done terrible things. Plenty that are even worse than John. And you shouldn't have to justify why you like something, because your reasons are your own. I firmly believe that fiction is the perfect place to explore whatever you want for whatever reason you want.
It isn't my intention to police anyone.
But there's something about how Joey was treated that feels very wrong to me. John hurt her brutally and we can only specualte as to what he actually did, but we can see and hear the toll that it took on her. And for as long as the game has had a fandom she's been routinely ignored - I believe this is because John is by far a fan favorite, though I acknowledge that this is speculative and accusatory. Or, she gets made into some damsel in distress. All because she has an ungodly amount of mascara on her face in some scenes.
Quick tanget: For the amount of makeup she was wearing when the Sheriff's Dept. stormed Joseph's Compound - which was minimal at most - the runny mascara is just way too extreme (just a small detail that I personally can't stand).
But back to the point.
At least in fandom, if she isn't a damsel, and if she isnt discarded, then her friend and partner - the player character - is fucking the man who tortured her and broadcast her agony across the entire county. In front of her community, so she could be humiliated and broken in front of everyone. It didn't work - unlike like Pratt and Burke, she didn't break (though it's not a contest and I'm not trying to diminish their strength either) - but that didn't stop John from trying.
There's no shortage of people in the fandom who love her, who've showered her with girlfriends and boyfriends and made sure she had a happy ending somewhere. There's been fan art and fic, mods on pc that let her fight alongside you. I've seen a lot of people order commissions of her, myself included. Even my best friend has drawn her so many times it's hard to keep track.
Still, it feels like people are so quick to forget or disregard what happened to her. It was the same in 2018 as it is now, and with so many years having passed I don't anticipate she'll see much of a fandom resurgence.
I think thats a shame. I think her potential was wasted. And that sucks especially hard because of how strong she was made out to be.
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helleanorlance · 4 months ago
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Just spent the last 30 minutes trying to clean shit of my cats ass ✌️ it was more successful than I thought it might be but less successful than one might hope
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gay-for-the-snz · 4 months ago
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Christmas was great! c:
#hoping to wind down w some writing#also thinking about the rest of the week for work 😭🫠 I am not leadership material#hoping that we are still in a good spot so that when I hand the team back over to our new manager in two weeks he's in a good position#and doesn't have to rush or spend awhile chasing my mistakes. luckily we don't have a ton of projects bc Christmas time#we're just down a lot of people 😵‍💫 two full timers and a part timer. PLUS people in and out intermittently for vacations and whatnot#so our team of usually like a dozen is currently a team of like 6 or 7 depending on who's out when which is...not many#but!! idk. I was so stressed that my sister stopped by work yesterday to surprise me with lunch so I didn't spend it crying in my car#(which was really funny bc our brother ALSO came to have lunch with me LOL. we all ended up eating together)#idk!!! hopefully the rest of this week and all of next week goes smoother than this has bc I'm like really stressed abt leading us#probably more than is warranted. most of this stress is self imposed of “I HAVE to do a good job or everyone will be disappointed in me”#but the managers for our position from other stores have been helping out and so has my former boss which is very kind of them#I have to see if anybody from one of the two nearby stores has any extra of the signage we need...to do list for the morning#anyway sorry for the 8 million year tag ramble abt my job#my sister really liked the gift I got her which is great bc I've been excited to give it to her for months
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ritz-writes · 1 year ago
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is rewatching the good omens 2 finale a form of self harm cuz i feel like it might as well be at this point
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foxfinch · 2 years ago
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every time ever i see a post about how wildworks "abandoned" ajc on purpose because theyre Evil and Money Hungry i see red. the devs literally had active plans for ajc before flash died AND STILL DO... come on.
AND ON THAT NOTE... people who wholeheartedly believe wildworks killed fer.al because they hate us and want us to die and had sooo much fun making nfts using your precious avatars. like Jammer the whole entire reason cinder happened was because feral was failing and wasnt making money. i understand like none of us are game devs but you could at least open google and look for any the several developer interviews or business articles or straight up Anything besides crying about your nostalgia being killed by the malicious Corn Stacey.
anyways whos hyped for upcoming AJ interview :-]
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 6 months ago
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I have such an important interview tomorrow and instead of trying to prepare, I'm obsessing over She Kills Monsters. Like a responsible person.
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zaddyazula · 11 months ago
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my mum (i’m pretty sure) told my entire extended family that i’m queer (without my permission) and then got confused why i got upset like what is wrong with you
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inniave · 8 months ago
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turns out the old 1980s film camera i bought off ebay is the same model my grandmother had back then! we bought the same camera decades apart..........
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terrifyingstories3 · 2 years ago
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ya'll i got a practicum!!!!!!!
#out.#cancer mention /#sibling death mention /#i haven't really spoken about this to anyone other than laura and dax but my sister passed away at the beginning of may and we found out#literally two days later that my mom most likely has lung cancer#so it's been probably the hardest couple months of my life and i've been just WRECKED and i thought about dropping out more than once#because i was in such a low place mentally where just. Nothing Mattered and I Didn't Care#but i was just accepted to this amazing placement where i get to work with kids in foster care and foster families and it just feels so#right and i'm just having a Crying Moment because everything has been SO much but i'm so profoundly grateful and EXCITED and i haven't been#able to really feel that in awhile Because of Everything#it's really everything i've wanted as someone who really wants to work with kiddos specifically kiddos in care#plus it's seven minutes away from home which was a big concern given i don't know what's going to happen with my mom going forward and i'm#her primary caregiver (she's 89 besides Everything)#funnily enough literally right next door to my sister's church which like. i'm not religious (big christian family don't practice not into#it you know) but it was a place she loved and that feels nice#ANYWAY THIS WAS A RAMBLE but i'm just feeling a lot of things and wanted to put them down somewhere#now that i've gotten a placement and i have that stress off my shoulders i would love to be around more#grief /#death /#depression /
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seventh-district · 2 years ago
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why have i suddenly been gripped with the desire to get back into fishkeeping
#Seven.txt#fish stuff#fishkeeping#fish keeping#fishblr#i’m not complaining cause i’ve lowkey missed feeling so passionate about the hobby but. my brain couldn’t have picked a less convenient tim#me: trying to spend less money and manage my time better#my brain: hey hey hey you know what you should do? you should get back into a really expensive and time-consuming hobby!!! it’ll be fun!!!#and i mean. it’s not like i truly ever got out of it i just sort of dialed back the number of tanks and fish i have over the past few years#so i’ve currently got a bunch of empty tanks and equipment sitting around collecting dust#i do still have three fish that i thought would be my last for a While. i’ve had them for a number of years and they’re all old by now#so i’m just trying to help them live the rest of their days as comfortably as they can#well. Paprika and Thing One are near their end but in spite of the Mystery Growth on Thing Two’s head that little guy is still doing fine#so he could still be here for awhile. who knows. but anyways#fishkeeping was one of my first really intense and long lasting special interests/hyperfixations so it’s such a strange feeling#to have it come back so strongly and for no obvious reason. but. that’s the nature of fixations i suppose!#insert Drake and Josh ‘I do not control the hyperfixation’ meme here#anyways. the project to finally set up the 75gal that’s been sitting empty for years is finally underway!!! so that’s exciting!#now i’ve got to make a list of things i need and find somewhere to set up a quarantine tank. hrmmm#and also cry over the fact that the filter i need is 200 dollars ahahahaaaaa why did my brain have to latch onto this hobby oh my god#oh man. i’ve gotta order the snails and activated media before the weather gets any warmer or they’ll cook in the bag on the way here ugh#This Post Brought To You By- me sitting here refreshing my email every 10 mins. waiting for Cynthia to let me know if she still has#these two adorable Sakura Ranchus avaliable to purchase. i mean. they were listed in Sep. 2021 so i will be Shocked if she still has them#but maybe the universe will smile upon me and i'll get lucky!
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peiikko · 1 year ago
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dockaspbrak · 25 days ago
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Hmmm vent post
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 1 month ago
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"I'm not hypomanic," I say at midnight after spending a day downing a huge coffee, energy drink, and soda, on the first day in months I got to experience sunshine
#i normally sleep by 10/11 bcuz i have to wake up early for my unfortunate adult job#but now its midnight and i have both the energy and the drive to stay awake#i really want to stay up all night again. its my favorite#its fifty degrees out right now at midnight. i have my window open and its comfortable. if not a bit warm#and when i got my huge coffee this morning they gave me a free energy drink that they made to take a picture of#and then i had a soda with dinner. dont tell my psychiatrist#my psychiatrist is right about a lot of things. my caffeine intake is one of them. unfortunately i am a problem#so we'll continue telling her i only have a morning coffee#i get to see her tomorrow!! i have to tell her my meds are making me feel like shit#i hate meds but unfortunately my mental illness will murder me if i dont find a med or two#fortunately we're heading into an easier season to be mentally ill in. when theres sunshine and i can go outside the illness eases up#so it would be less dangerous to be figuring out meds if we decide thats necessary. i also get to tell her that im moving!#a couple sessions ago i had a breakdown and told her i actually hadnt been taking my meds for quite awhile and my home life was bad#so we got me back on my meds and she gave me some tips to get out bcuz tbh half my mental problems come from living with my family#so i get to tell her I'm leaving!! yippee! but also that my meds are murdering me. oh no#also sorry this is completely unrelated but i just realized its been twice now that ive been dating someone snd thought all was fine#and then like a week later they leave me very suddenly. i figured this out cuz someone liked a personal post from three-ish years ago#i was talking about how my then-gf wss helping me move and she was so sweet and i loved her so much#and then a week after that she told me she felt trapped and didnt see a future with me. wild! that wasnt her breaking up with me btw#she seemed legit surprised when i broke up with her after that. but it happened again with my recent gf!#i told my therapist we were great and then a week later she left. but tbh in both of those scenarios looking back im not surprised#the first. i had to beg while crying to help me move. she was actively an obstacle to me moving. and we had a shit anniversary right before#the second had been checked out for awhile and i was considering breaking up with her too. but it seems like all will be fine#and then suddenly it wont be. weird! i think i will become a nun. but anyway! def proba hypomanic#but i dont care because thats the only way i get to feel happy!!!!!!!
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