#have to cry about it for awhile
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THEN A VOICE SAYS "YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION. YOU WILL NEVER LEARN 👏 YOUR 👏 LESS 👏 ON" FOOLISH ONE STOP CHECKING YOUR MAILBOX FOR CONFESSIONS OF LOVE 👏 THAT 👏 AIN'T 👏 NEV 👏 ER 👏 GON 👏 NA 👏 COME
#speak now tv is so polin coded what is in this album holy fuck#foolish one is my highlight wowwwww#have to cry about it for awhile#someone needs to write a fic with these lyrics in the title to help soothe my soul#polin#bridgerton#trash talk
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I didn't really know what she meant until this
#datv spoilers#dragon age spoilers#dragon age#datve#avecyn trevelyan#inquisitor oc#varric tethras#inquisitor x varric#as you know if you've followed this blog for awhile#i have an elaborate romance story between these two that i've made art of#this hurt so much#but also amazing writing kudos tbh#still crying about it
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now you may disagree with me on this but i feel like i've been pretty normal lately the last few weeks about the fucking karate dads but i'm sorry to report my time is up i'm done being normal clearly i'm here to be unhinged and insane about them they make me insane THEY MAKE ME FUCKING INSANE
#i cannot be normal about them because THEY CANNOT BE NORMAL ABOUT EACH OTHER#i haven't cried about parallels or tropes or their insane chemistry in awhile so i'm gonna CRY ABOUT IT NOW GOD DAMMIT#i can only be a regular guy for so many consecutive days it's time to let it all out#(i have writer's block otherwise i'd just write some sort of unhinged 7k+ word fic about it instead)
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Just had my first court appearance I did it it’s over and I think I did fine I am so relieved!!!! the judge said that me and oc’s briefs were “very well drafted” and that we did a nice job with them!! counting that as a W
#oc’s brief was only like 4 pgs lol mine was 11#I’m so relieved this is over now I’m gonna cry#it got pushed back 3x#so I’ve been worrying about this one AWHILE#I wish I answered one of the questions he asked better but whatever now I’ll know to have an answer ready for that one next time
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is rewatching the good omens 2 finale a form of self harm cuz i feel like it might as well be at this point
#my toxic trait is saying the lines while watching it (thru my tears of course)#literally crying over those last 10 minutes#and then watching them again#i have watched that scene more times than ive watched the rest of the show honestly#:')#good omens#good omens 2#ineffable divorce#ive had this in my drafts for awhile#might as well post it#just got finished screaming about the finale again#i am Not Okay
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every time ever i see a post about how wildworks "abandoned" ajc on purpose because theyre Evil and Money Hungry i see red. the devs literally had active plans for ajc before flash died AND STILL DO... come on.
AND ON THAT NOTE... people who wholeheartedly believe wildworks killed fer.al because they hate us and want us to die and had sooo much fun making nfts using your precious avatars. like Jammer the whole entire reason cinder happened was because feral was failing and wasnt making money. i understand like none of us are game devs but you could at least open google and look for any the several developer interviews or business articles or straight up Anything besides crying about your nostalgia being killed by the malicious Corn Stacey.
anyways whos hyped for upcoming AJ interview :-]
#THEY LITERALLY CANT UPDATE THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also i HAVE been called a wildworks like bootlicker or whatever before so i also want to state:#yes the fer.al situation was handled horrifically and is frankly embarrassing on ww's part#but like so many people (ingame and online) just log on to whine about it. i watched a youtube video with like 4k views yesterday about how#ajc is TRASH now because Omgmggg no new items or animals :-( like it was just this adult woman whining like a child over it. GROW UP!!!!#anyways a lot of you are way too mean to the dev team who behind the same game you demand updates from#like I get it. youre longterm players. so am i! i love animal jam! but Sorry to tell you. the developers ARE also human beings#with a company that was NOT doing well for awhile there... like why else do you think they partnered with nazara?#dont get me started on people who dont even know an Ounce of information about any of this but still cry and fearmonger constantly#Anyways. ahem. how is everyones afternoon going....#.txt
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I have such an important interview tomorrow and instead of trying to prepare, I'm obsessing over She Kills Monsters. Like a responsible person.
#idek why i remembered skm. like what made me remember it#i was just scrolling tumblr and all of a sudden remembered the best play ever created#and had to obsess over it. instead of preparing#idek how to prepare tho tbh#the interview is for an office position at the aummer camp ive worked at for six years#the director gave us all a question to rhink on so i need to think on that#and i guess also what i want the position to look like because theyre changing it up this year#and why im good for the position and why i want it#okay i have a solid starting point now#i also might reach out to the guy that did that position the last three years and ask him if he remembers any of his interview questions#idk. idk if ill get the position but i really want it. but unfortunately the other applicant is a really good friend#thats the tough part of working at a summer camp for awhile. you go for positions against aome of your best friends#last year i got an area director position over one of my close friends and i felt so bad when i got the news#idk im tired. maybe ill just wow the interviewer with my knowledge of skm and hope thats enough#i want to watch a bootleg tonight but i dont want to cry. but it would be the pefect thing to watch while i knit my dragon wing shawl#anyway. i shiuld go. maybe prepare. maybe just knit and think about skm
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my mum (i’m pretty sure) told my entire extended family that i’m queer (without my permission) and then got confused why i got upset like what is wrong with you
#like i don’t actually know how many people she told. like what the fuck#this was awhile ago but i remember it from time to time#she was talking to me when i was upset about my dead nan (her mother) and said she spoke to my uncle saying ‘well you know she is gay’#do you have a genuine problem.#and then i heard my stepsister talking to her dad and my mum ‘do you think she’s upset that her uncle knows’#no i’m fucking upset because you told people about that without my fucking permission#i haven’t spoken to any of them about it because i just don’t think they’d understand#i don’t actually have anyone to speak about it to#i had to hang up on my dad to cry while doing this#zad talks
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the toxic masculine urge to be perfect and strong with no weaknesses
#I’m not even amab but I feel like toxic masculinity has affected me more than toxic femininity#I’m cool with other people crying but the instant I start I’m like “heerghhh no must keep the noxious brain chemicals in my eyes”#I never cared about my physical appearance being “feminine” but I have always hated showing vulnerability#Like I’ve had issues with body image but usually it’s more along the lines of “I have no muscle and I’m weak” than anything#Or when I was nine in ballet class I was self-conscious about not having broad shoulders when I looked in the mirror#and about having such a huge head in proportion to my body#Like obviously I’ve balanced out now that I’m fully grown and have lots of positive male (and female!) role models I look up to#But honestly it’s really reassuring to see guys in older media who are not very strong-looking or intimidating physically#bawling their eyes out for a role#And I’m like “damn they deserve love” and then I’m like “damn I deserve love too”#scrawny looking untoned guys rise up#Yeah my issues with body image started in a Dunham’s Sports when I saw that punching bag dummy with a fucking ten pack#staring down at me when I was six years old and messing with their elliptical machines#I was like “I want to look like that” and stayed on the elliptical for an hour straight#And then Man of Steel came out a few years later and everyone was talking about the guy’s physical transformation#and I remember the phrase “sculpted abs” being used and that fucked me up for awhile#Now I look back at that movie and go “holy hell that poor man is blatantly dehydrated. Fuck the directors”
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turns out the old 1980s film camera i bought off ebay is the same model my grandmother had back then! we bought the same camera decades apart..........
#time is a circle#and i am every one who came before me#sometimes i get sad i cant have children to carry on but there's so much that would get passed on.....#the grief consumes me even when i try to convince myself i want to be child free#idk man#this was supposed to be about cameras but nothing is ever just what it's supposed to be yk?#i think i need to go cry for awhile
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narratives where hope and celebration in the face of tragedy are the whole point my beloved
#this post is about#hadestown#i listened through for the first time in awhile#and have been crying for the last half hour#road to hell reprise will never not LEVEL me#hermes: on a sunny day there was a railway car#me: trying not to cry like a baby
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You know, I've debated writing this for a long time. Because I know it's going to sound incredibly stupid.
But for a character who seems to matter so little in the grand scheme of things, Joey Hudson matters so much to me. She was our friend. She endured so much. And when we come to rescue her we can see that she broke out of her cell with a shank as her only weapon.
We can see that she killed at least three peggies during her escape. That she was laying low and most likely waiting for John.
She thought she was going to be trapped down there forever, and that eventually she was going to be killed. But she still fought at every step of the way, because she was going to go out fighting. We can see her resilience, tenacity and anger in her voice lines. And despite how much she suffered, she wasnt going to leave the other prisoners behind.
And I know she's just a character in a ubisoft game. We get glimpses of her personality but she isnt nearly as well rounded as some other members of the cast. In the end she dies anyway, so what does it matter?
It matters to me because it feels like a lot of people don't seem to care about what happened to her.
I think it's sad and honestly a little sickening that most of her worst moments have been gifed to hell and back, all the while there are people who wish they were in her position. Because if it were them, they could fuck John or get fucked by him.
I already feel like John is portrayed as being a bit of a creep, with the level of obsession he displays and how fulfilling he finds the act of hurting others. But when people wish they were in her position, or download shirtless mods for John in cutscenes where she's also present, it suddenly feels like Joey is in danger of something more sinister than torture.
I'm not blind. I understand why people like him as a villain and a character. But excluding Joey from the story or trivializing the cruel, sick torture she went through so that John gets full, unrestricted access to your dep?
It just doesn't feel right or fair in my opinion.
Which I know sounds ridiculous because it's a video game and none of the characters are real. It would be completely audacious of me to say that no one should like him, or that it is somehow morally unjust to ignore his cruelty.
I don't think liking "bad guy" characters is indicative of having no morals or empathy. I like a lot of characters from different media that have done terrible things. Plenty that are even worse than John. And you shouldn't have to justify why you like something, because your reasons are your own. I firmly believe that fiction is the perfect place to explore whatever you want for whatever reason you want.
It isn't my intention to police anyone.
But there's something about how Joey was treated that feels very wrong to me. John hurt her brutally and we can only specualte as to what he actually did, but we can see and hear the toll that it took on her. And for as long as the game has had a fandom she's been routinely ignored - I believe this is because John is by far a fan favorite, though I acknowledge that this is speculative and accusatory. Or, she gets made into some damsel in distress. All because she has an ungodly amount of mascara on her face in some scenes.
Quick tanget: For the amount of makeup she was wearing when the Sheriff's Dept. stormed Joseph's Compound - which was minimal at most - the runny mascara is just way too extreme (just a small detail that I personally can't stand).
But back to the point.
At least in fandom, if she isn't a damsel, and if she isnt discarded, then her friend and partner - the player character - is fucking the man who tortured her and broadcast her agony across the entire county. In front of her community, so she could be humiliated and broken in front of everyone. It didn't work - unlike like Pratt and Burke, she didn't break (though it's not a contest and I'm not trying to diminish their strength either) - but that didn't stop John from trying.
There's no shortage of people in the fandom who love her, who've showered her with girlfriends and boyfriends and made sure she had a happy ending somewhere. There's been fan art and fic, mods on pc that let her fight alongside you. I've seen a lot of people order commissions of her, myself included. Even my best friend has drawn her so many times it's hard to keep track.
Still, it feels like people are so quick to forget or disregard what happened to her. It was the same in 2018 as it is now, and with so many years having passed I don't anticipate she'll see much of a fandom resurgence.
I think thats a shame. I think her potential was wasted. And that sucks especially hard because of how strong she was made out to be.
#Far Cry 5#Joey Hudson#fc5#Deputy Hudson#John Seed#fandom opinions#thanks for reading#really and truly I dont want to start any fights with anyone#I've just felt this way for awhile#even I ignored her back when the game was popular#i didnt think about her or have any real use for her in my own works#but in the past year and a half shes become something of a muse for me#going back and seeing how a decent chunk of her content is gifsets including John tormenting her#that feels disheartening
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sometimes i make myself sad knowing that he set his own grief aside growing up, it randomly hits present day, and it hits him hard too
#( headcanons. )#sometimes he’ll catch a whiff of his mom’s perfume#or think he sees her in the crowd#or just thinks of a memory with her that he hasn’t thought about in awhile#he always leaves in a flash any time it hits#depending on where he is that is#only few people have seen and will get to see him cry
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Separate anon here... we love and care for you too, we had things happen to us too and can only pray karmic justice be done upon them. <3 u
hello angels !!!
i read this on the day i saw [redacted] so thank you so so so so so much.
it’s is incredibly special to hear from folks who understand in such a way. thank you all for your love, care and time.
i’m sorry that knowledge of what could be described as, “hell on earth” is something that we have in common. my hope is all of you are taken care of in respects to your health regarding such evil.
you are all survivors! adapting to allow continued existence despite what has happened is incredible and shows the strength you all share.
🕯️for the safety each and every one of you and unending justice for us all.
again thank you guys for reaching out. it’s always amazing to hear from others, to have confirmation that we can live despite it all.
it also helps me gain the confidence to be more candid about my own existence. mwah mwahhhhh <333
#evidence of life#waaahhhhhhhhhhh i’m literally so weepy /positive about this plural folks are literally the nicest people in the entire whole wide world#we give each other the biggest group hug the world has ever seen i love us alllllllllllllllll#i wish i had the words to express how much i love and how proud i am of systems the resilience in the face of trauma oh my gosh mwahhhh#literally what would i do if i get sweet messages from the loveliest people on the planet every once in awhile#if i didn’t get*#i wasn’t there for all of it but i met a sweetheart whose hms get to express themselves through ttrpgs and if i was p******g i’d probs cry#she’s transfem !!! and i was literally like LEY MEHTOUTTTTT it’s okay tho i’ll see them again :’3 was the first known multiple i’ve seen#idk it was the breath of life i really needed wahhhhhgggggggggghhhqwahhhwwahhsuhghdaaaauuhhhhwahhhhhhhhhhooughhhoughhasawahhhhhhhheahhhwahhe#anyways tumblr quits when i write long responses and this is like the third time i tried answering this <3#same in dms so trust im getting back to you i just have to type in outside of the app then copy paste which is ridiculous#like this app is soooo broken omgggg i want my money back and it’s free lol#message in a bottle
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ya'll i got a practicum!!!!!!!
#out.#cancer mention /#sibling death mention /#i haven't really spoken about this to anyone other than laura and dax but my sister passed away at the beginning of may and we found out#literally two days later that my mom most likely has lung cancer#so it's been probably the hardest couple months of my life and i've been just WRECKED and i thought about dropping out more than once#because i was in such a low place mentally where just. Nothing Mattered and I Didn't Care#but i was just accepted to this amazing placement where i get to work with kids in foster care and foster families and it just feels so#right and i'm just having a Crying Moment because everything has been SO much but i'm so profoundly grateful and EXCITED and i haven't been#able to really feel that in awhile Because of Everything#it's really everything i've wanted as someone who really wants to work with kiddos specifically kiddos in care#plus it's seven minutes away from home which was a big concern given i don't know what's going to happen with my mom going forward and i'm#her primary caregiver (she's 89 besides Everything)#funnily enough literally right next door to my sister's church which like. i'm not religious (big christian family don't practice not into#it you know) but it was a place she loved and that feels nice#ANYWAY THIS WAS A RAMBLE but i'm just feeling a lot of things and wanted to put them down somewhere#now that i've gotten a placement and i have that stress off my shoulders i would love to be around more#grief /#death /#depression /
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why have i suddenly been gripped with the desire to get back into fishkeeping
#Seven.txt#fish stuff#fishkeeping#fish keeping#fishblr#i’m not complaining cause i’ve lowkey missed feeling so passionate about the hobby but. my brain couldn’t have picked a less convenient tim#me: trying to spend less money and manage my time better#my brain: hey hey hey you know what you should do? you should get back into a really expensive and time-consuming hobby!!! it’ll be fun!!!#and i mean. it’s not like i truly ever got out of it i just sort of dialed back the number of tanks and fish i have over the past few years#so i’ve currently got a bunch of empty tanks and equipment sitting around collecting dust#i do still have three fish that i thought would be my last for a While. i’ve had them for a number of years and they’re all old by now#so i’m just trying to help them live the rest of their days as comfortably as they can#well. Paprika and Thing One are near their end but in spite of the Mystery Growth on Thing Two’s head that little guy is still doing fine#so he could still be here for awhile. who knows. but anyways#fishkeeping was one of my first really intense and long lasting special interests/hyperfixations so it’s such a strange feeling#to have it come back so strongly and for no obvious reason. but. that’s the nature of fixations i suppose!#insert Drake and Josh ‘I do not control the hyperfixation’ meme here#anyways. the project to finally set up the 75gal that’s been sitting empty for years is finally underway!!! so that’s exciting!#now i’ve got to make a list of things i need and find somewhere to set up a quarantine tank. hrmmm#and also cry over the fact that the filter i need is 200 dollars ahahahaaaaa why did my brain have to latch onto this hobby oh my god#oh man. i’ve gotta order the snails and activated media before the weather gets any warmer or they’ll cook in the bag on the way here ugh#This Post Brought To You By- me sitting here refreshing my email every 10 mins. waiting for Cynthia to let me know if she still has#these two adorable Sakura Ranchus avaliable to purchase. i mean. they were listed in Sep. 2021 so i will be Shocked if she still has them#but maybe the universe will smile upon me and i'll get lucky!
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