#have not put in for pto
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Does not feel real that I’m going to see atl again in just 29 days
#prob bc I’ve done nothing to prepare for it#haven’t booked a hotel#have not put in for pto#have not figured out what I’m doin with that extra ticket#dk if I’m flying or driving#🤭#I am just so fuckin BROKE#when I get paid next week we’ll start the process but Jesus fucking CHRIST I do not know how some of you bitches fund this stuff#no offense on the bitches ur not bitches#anyway I’ll figure it out it’s FINE im FINE#im depressed and poor and exhausted but im FINE#kalina talks
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Don’t really know how to articulate how I’ve been feeling but I had to sit with it after a work event yesterday and I’m just constantly reminded that I have a hard time fitting into “work culture” and professionalism. To an extent I feel that way about bigger social circles in general but it is definitely more obvious when dealing with people at work. It’s the ADHD and my dysautonomia to a certain extent cause I get tired easily on top of it all. I know it but I’m so tired of hiding it but if I try to hide it I feel more exhausted
#like I tend to ramble and get lost mid sentence cause something distracted me to list a few#I get envy real bad to cause everyone is well traveled and go on multiple vacations a year#so when I put in my PTO cause I need a break everyone is like where you going?? I’m like nowhere bitch i have a chronic illness#kailey speaks
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this is as far as im getting tonight bc i think i really did catch another cold... idk if i want yugi to be a really short half elf or a gnome...
atem is a dwarf bc its my fav fantasy race & he fits it better than an elf imo
#my art#ygo#not totally putting these in the main tags#atem#my throat hurts man this fucking sucks... & i only have enough pto for 1 shift since the last time i got sick i got#SUPER sick & ended up draining all of it ToT
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Sunday doodles
#you ever just *puts feet on the wall*#or sit upside down off the side of your bed#i saw a post earlier this week I've been trying to find about fearing god#i read it but didn't have time to share my thoughts and i forgot to save it to my drafts so i lost it#anyway they talked about fearing god in service today#the overlap of related events like this scares me all the time#like... i know this stuff just happens and they had this sermon planned for months and it's coincidental#''but what if god is actually real and this is him trying to talk to me? what if he's trying to move me back on track?''#that's something i can't help but think#i'm starting to think I'll never know what is real and whether there's a god and if i really am setting myself up to burn in hell#i have to make a choice whether to leave my friends and hide who I am and go back to the church#or be myself and enjoy my time alive knowing what could be waiting for me when I go#I know that sounds extremely dramatic but it's something I think about a lot#it's one thing for someone to have never gotten to known God#but some say that the one unforgivable sin - the only thing that can keep you out of heaven forever...#...is knowing god and accepting him in your heart but then turning your back on him#I've done those rituals; been baptized and taken communion and said the famous prayer#if that unforgivable sin is true then I guess i've already made my choice; there really is no going back for me haha#damn right that god is scary lol#not tagging the game because I monolouged too much lmao#doodles#sunday doodles#depressing sunday doodle posts have arrived once again#dw im chilling today just lost in thought#was able to put in pto so i get the day to reflect on the very important things 21 year olds think about#things like ''what could've been'' and ''how do i want to draw my next fluffy boy''
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i am going to put in my resignation tomorrow i literally can’t keep working in that horrible pit of vipers without seeing the exit. im going to go insane.
#i am planning to put the date as 1st Jan so i can get the new years bonus lol#i’ll use my mandatory pto to cut the days i have to work though lmao#i have no idea what the hell ive done to them for them to hate me so much but im done being the bigger more professional person
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not included here is the part where our graphic designer asked for my feedback and then told me i have bad taste in design. so
ALT under cut
[ALT ID: A horizontal comic in 13 panels showing the progression of the artist's day. The first panel shows them in a blazer and smiling, thinking, "Yay, I'm going to have a nice lil' in-person work morning and then, be done with work, go to a cool show, and have all night free!" The next 4 panels show time progressing as the person goes through various video and in-person meetings, all labeled "Stressful meeting." The fifth panel shows them in a car while the driver looks back angrily and is labeled, "working in uber while driver gets mad that I changed the addressed (I did not)." Panels 6-8 show them in various positions working in a theatre lobby before the show, during the intermission, and during the show. Panels 9-12 are labeled 4:30 PM, 6 PM, and 7:30 PM and largely obscured by a final panel labeled 8 PM, in which the artist is sitting in front of multiple monitors and turning back with a frown to say "I was supposed to have the afternoon off."]
#like an hourly comic but in the bad corporate way#anyway the usher was nice#and when i at one point cast my hands up in despair/rage started laughing and was like ''is that a prayer?'' and then helped me sneak back#into the theatre to watch the rest of the show#and my one coworker did eventually rescue me from excel hell#but still. i put this PTO block on my calendar a week ago.#i didn't get to take monday off because of this shitshow client#and now i have FULLY made up/not actually gotten to take my 4 hours off today#and i am. Upset#my doodles
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My new plan of action is to be more unapologetically me at work while still being work me because I am fucking tired of everything and my lack of fucks has apparently hit a new level so instead of fretting about that I am just accepting the damage periods of unemployment does to my personality (work personality? Ability to maintain said personality?) And going with it. If it works great. If it doesn't then they gotta fire me it is whatever I am not even pretending like I care to make a cookie cutter impression.
#i taught my boss's boss how to sneak alcohol into venues at the end of the day (she asked. usually i would be like oh idk about all that.#nah fuck it whatever i got you) but i also balanced it with explaining how working for promoters works because her teenager daughter has#some overlapping interests and i was like ohhh well let me tell you what she should look into when she turns 18 but some of them she might#need to wait till 21#so maybe itll be okay despite the hiccup with me learning how their pto police kinda fucking sucks and i acted like it could be a deal#breaker. but said maybe not i would have to wait and see.#which is true. i didnt fake it i went full “idk if i really need this job but lets see if i *want* this job instead* ya know yall seem like#great ppl doing great work 😌D#did send them into a panic accidentally at the end of the night like “thank you all for your help today and everything” and homegirl was#like leaning back in her chair like o#*like 🤨 oh shit? but no i meant just with training in general#should not have worded it like that because it did sound like i was about to be like “but this isnt the right fit for me so I wont be back#nooooo. whoops. lmao.#i realize this is from the accumulation of my personal flaws and my general abrasiveness but#they shouldnt let me start at new orgs this many times. they should because i sadly need money and a career but really.#i like to think my skill hard work and extremely decent attendance makes it balance out#but i do think i am like hi im here to ruffle your feathers because i do not have the attitude you are expecting as an employer in#(redacted) but it is gonna be like. just enough it might l#*piss some ppl off but not enough for others. but some of you will adore me. you probably shouldnt#but you will. in fact you may cry if i leave as historical proof shows.#and oh i will leave. eventually. because i fucking love leaving#but if you cant figure that out from my resume and took me at my word (fair tho) then that is on you#hopefully though this is okay and i can stay put 2-3 years and promote or transfer. their pto sucks less after 3 years anyways because#that policy becomes less of an issue#but idk. we shall see. they also have blackout months for time off. which like. i am also not keen on.#but like they do also offer overtime those same months so ehhhh#i like extra money but kinda also hate working weekends. so idk.#like is that a benefit? i dont know that that offsets it.#im picky because shittier employers in shittier jobs had better time off benefits so. like cmon now.#-pers
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congratulations to the referees i guess....
connecticut is the only one i want winning anything else so good luck against the minnesota whistle i really hope you can make it happen
#wnba lb#and it wasn't even like one moment#it was all the little “offensive fouls” that we got called on but were no calls otherwise#the reason i want the sun to win is 1 bc it really is mercury extension#and 2 they are the only team that i don't consider to be frauds#i actually hate all the other teams in the semi finals except for connecticut#holly rowe should have been the q1 interviewer#it's not fair that she was in ct#also that camera zooming in on dt after fouling out is don't do that to me please#im on pto tomorrow so i'm probably going to watch some games#some games where we win some dt 30 pieces#maybe euro games i've been putting off the gala fenner one for a while now#the game where she hits the half court buzzer beater against minnesota#maybe the 2021 playoffs vs the storm#maybe a game where she whoops san antonio#bc i <3 watching b*cky lose#or the first game in the bubble vs the aces#also shout out nate#bc everybody got playoff time even if it wasn't a lot#i will be curious what exit interviews look like#this would have been a different game if it were officiated better#but i think they also realized the screen and 3 and practiced defending it
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KNIFE DAY IMMINENT. SCALPEL TIME THIS WEEK. CHOP CHOP 🔪🔪🔪 TIME TO LOSE MY ABILITY TO RAISE MY ARMS ABOVE MY HEAD IN EXCHANGE FOR THE ABILITY TO WEAR A WHITE SHIRT IN PUBLIC. I AM TERRIFIED BUT ALSO I WILL BE ABLE TO GO TO WORK AND ATTEND A FUNCTION AFTERWARD WITHOUT GAMBLING WITH MY ONGOING ABILITY TO BREATHE WHICH SEEMS LIKE A FAIR THING TO SPEND A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS ON LET'S HOPE NOTHING GETS INFECTED OR FALLS OFF I'M NOT STRESSED OUT YOU'RE STRESSED OUT
#shut the fridge#anyway i just completed my last day of work before going on medical leave for top surgery#...and also leave to do job applications for places with better pay OR at least PTO and better parking#but shhhh that one is a secret#also let's be real the thing i'm most dreading is having to live off clear liquid for a day. my 'would rather die than eat a soup'#sensory aversion really getting put to the test in ways i'd prefer it didn't#i am aware this is not going to win me a lot of sympathy on the soup website#medical details
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so i had to call my doctor
so i can get a note
so i can submit it my job
so i can use my sick time
so i can take a couple mental health days
#any use of sick time over 16 hours requires a doctors note#which is so stupid#my coworker thinks we should get rid of personal sick vacation and other PTO#and just put it all in one big pool#which makes so much sense#like they’re (my job) gonna pay it regardless#why make all of us jump through so many hoops#also i was explaining to the nurse#like what i do and how burnout and fatigue are prevalent in this position#and she does ‘does your job have resources to help you deal with that someone to talk to?’#LMAO#i like laughed and said no but they should#also she right off the bat asked me if i was suicidal or was going to harm myself or others#i know the answer to that question lady#been answering it since i was 13#personal
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me trying to find somewhere warm that i can afford to go on holiday to: where is my roy kent with marbella tickets and a villa 😭
#the guilt i find around booking holidays is insane#we're once again a week out from PTO with nowhere to go :(#it's a nice problem to have that i even have pto to use i know so many people and places have it worse#i just feel immensely guilty if i spend like so much money to go lay by a pool even if i've worked non stop for ages#it just feels like it could be put to so much better use#like why do i feel bad buying a £4 pre cut fruit box imagine how many i could get if i didn't spend 500+ bucks on a hotel and 200+on flight#but then i also feel like i miss travelling and wandering around
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im SO close to being done w chapter 13, the only thing i need to finish writing is [redacted] which i am determined to include in this chapter before i post it
#cinder rambles#does ch 13 truly need to include [redacted] ? no#is it already long enough without it? oh yeah its 6k words already so it's going to end up being 8-9k by the end which is absurd#but whatever i am TIRED and I shouldn't even be awake but i plan to do everything in my power to finish this chapter tomorrow#so i can post it before i have to put on my clown makeup on friday#but then i can fully let myself out of socmed jail bc i'll almost be on PTO and will have time and energy again 🎉
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I think at this point I have to pretty much regard season 19 as the truest form of 'Crack Taken Seriously' which. . . huwa, I could do (but damn it would be a struggle...)
But only if you believe in the narrative *NOT* shown.
There's an After for these guys. But I think that's kind of up to us? (. . . Yeah I'm already writing the AFTER fic. Fuck me.) So unless some miracle happens and either the IP gets bought up and the crew gets to do some little shorts like what the Crwby is doing ... Or Geoff and Gus ever pull off what Alexander Siddig and Andrew Robinson did for the Star Trek DS9 Bashir/Garak community. I guess we just make our own canon at this point.
#rvb#red vs blue#rvb restoration spoilers#rvb spoilers#red vs blue spoilers#rvb grif#rvb simmons#rvb tucker#rvb washington#rvb carolina#rvb caboose#Alexander and Andrew hated that they never got to canonize Bashir and Garak in Ds9 so they've done multiple convention things for the OTP#but that was like back when companies were still off put by having Gay couples and shit so like WTF is the excuse here#I just dont get it#RWBY got Bumblebee#why not just give RvB Grimmons ffs#Could have been a single line. Like Simmons saying something like taking a Vacation for a week or I'll see how much PTO I have saved#then its like a joke cause he only has like a day or two saved cause Grif took most of them from before so he's like#well guess I'll have to save some more for a vaca to earth to be worth it - you know - make it *Sound* like a chore#but its something to WORK TOWARDS#fuck... *sighs* I need to eat this Sushi. Do it for Simmons#Im so physically - mentally and emotionally drained right now my dudes#Im still gonna figure out how to inject this AFTER 15-17 because YES I LIKED 15-17 DAMNIT#We dont talk about Zero oh no no no
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Also hi guys I'm not dead I just went on vacation
#i still have so many pics/videos to post but i am Worn out#i have work tonight which i Shouldnt have because i put in for pto and only 4/5 days got approved so im Mad#and then tomorrow night i have a live event im going to#and Then i have a day off on thursday... so i can get so much sleep#zen texts
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@ocs-and-chapters dw most of my first week of 2024 was looking for more textbooks for Japanese.
I do love a good textbook! Let us know if you find any you like :) I'm still working with Minna No Nihongo atm (going through all the chapters in order which means recapping some very basic stuff rn, but I can't bring myself to just skip chapter lmao). I have Nihongo Somatome N4 too which is a good overview of N4 grammar, plus Japanese Tutor from the Teach Yourself series, which is... uhh. Well, let's just say I was disappointed.
#what does the jay say#honestly i'm not frustrated about being *ahem* ''unproductive'' last week#maybe it sounded like i was or that i was making excuses or something#but genuinely i'm so exhausted#breaking up with someone you love and then having 1 week to extract yourself from the life you spent 7 years building together#while he's still in that house and his way of processing the break-up is very extroverted (which means having to put my introversion aside)#all while not really having much in the way of support from friends or family... it's been tough#throw in jetlag and 24 hours of travelling each way on top of that#i'm really not mad at myself for surviving and needing some time to pull myself together#i just wish i had a bit more of it. but i don't get sick days and i already used up my 5 days of annual PTO so i've just gotta deal with it
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For the yes/no ask game: if you got on a boat for a vacation cruise that you won at work only to be sea sick and end up staying inside most of the time and midway through the journey the boat sank and you were swept out to sea only to wash ashore on an uninhabited island and you find yourself stuck there but it's actually not terrible, finding plenty of edible food/water and securing yourself a decent shelter, and you even sometimes think you might be enjoying yourself and one day you went exploring and you found a cave that has a door in the back and you open the door and step through leaving behind the island and you find yourself back home a week after your vacation ever began and everyone you know tells you you never left and how narrowly you escaped the horrible disaster of the boat you were supposed to be on disappearing without a trace. Would you let this experience change you as a person?
Yes.
#Tags are all about my reasoning. Also keep sending these I love them#Now this one took me a second#I would absolutely convince myself it was a dream#I would however let that dream be a vibe#Also if nothing bad happened I don’t think it could have a negative affect#It would be more “man I could be on a beach”#I would make the best jokes#Frankly I would tell everyone about this random thing I swore happened but isn’t possible#I would probably make some art out of it#I would not however let the mystery drive me insane when I’d have no hope of replicating the experiance and no hope of solving it#I’d just put on my “list of things I’m asking Jesus when I show up at his door”#“Hey J-man what was with the beach rock thing?”#“You seemed like you needed a break and you only get like a week of PTO. Youre welcome”
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