#and she does ‘does your job have resources to help you deal with that someone to talk to?’

[theirony-of-choking-on-this-dick]

so i had to call my doctor

so i can get a note

so i can submit it my job

so i can use my sick time

so i can take a couple mental health days

[trashytracktales]

Idk if you write about this topics since they are really sensitive, but it is something I’m currently struggling with and I would like to see how lando would react after finding out that the reader has been hiding a her struggle with mental illness and attempts of ending her life. Once again I know how sensitive this request is but I started reading your work and fell in love with it and thought that you would write this beautifully

Seasons change | LN⁴

💌 REQUESTED by anon ──── This was a pretty difficult one-shot to write, even though it's not very lengthy. I know that mental health is still a topic of actuality that we all deal with in one way or another. The only thing that I want you guys to remember after reading this, is that you are not alone. I know that it may sound like a broken record, but it's true. Each of us has a Lando in our lives who will care enough to stand by you without ulterior motives or conditions. And if you really feel like you don't, I can be him for you. My DMs and ask box are always open, so don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone. You matter in all your forms 🤍

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

☆ summary ──── He's been away for work for a while now, but when Lando comes home to find his girlfriend at her lowest, they have to learn the hard way that love is about sitting with each other in the dark, not just chasing the light.

☆ pairing ──── Lando Norris x she/her reader

☆ rating ──── mature

☆ category ──── F/M

☆ word count ──── 2.6k

☆ date ──── Jan. 11, 2025

☆ warnings ──── 16+, established relationship, soft!Lando, mental health struggles, depression, suicidal ideation, mention of alcohol consumption and pills, emotional distress, vulnerability, guilt and healing, non-sexual nudity (bathtub scene, including tenderness and intimacy).

Please, proceed with caution and prioritize your well-being. If you or someone you know is struggling, these are some of the resources I personally used for years now & I think (and hope) that it might help you at some point:

☆ MENTAL HEALTH APPS

Calm

7 cups

BetterMe

☆ INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS

idontmind

thefabstory (also an app)

getreformative (currently inactive, but great resources posted there)

talkspace

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

THE APARTMENT IS too quiet tonight. A space that once felt like a sanctuary, now seems to close in on her, the walls pressing closer with each passing hour.

To anyone looking in, her life might appear perfectly ordinary, even enviable. She has a stable job that she loves, a couple of friends who care in their own way, and Lando. Lando, with his boundless energy, his boyish grin, and his unwavering ability to see the good in her even when she struggles to find it in herself. But beneath that polished surface, there’s a darkness she’s been hiding for as long as she can remember.

She’s not really sure when it happened, or what caused her to lose her spark. Most of the times, she thinks that she’s always been like this, but that can’t be right. Although, at this point in time, it went on long enough that she learned to wear masks and mimic people’s gestures. It’s exhausting, but it’s easier than explaining why some days she can barely drag herself out of bed, or why her mind feels like a storm she can’t escape.

Lately, the same storm has been relentless. Lando’s been away for weeks, hopping from one race to another, his life a whirlwind of fast cars, tons of people, and flashing cameras. She’s proud of him, of course, but his absence leaves a void she can’t seem to fill on her own, no matter how many phone calls they share.

She knows it’s not his responsibility to fix her, but without even knowing it, Lando does it every time he looks at her. In those moments, pieces of her heart are welded back together, giving her hope that one day, maybe, it will be whole again.

Of course, things aren’t that easy.

She’s always been a loner, someone who enjoys her own company more than the chaos of others. This is why she doesn’t go with Lando to all of his races. Over time, they’ve developed their own rhythm, and it only works when they both put in the effort to be together. However, she knows that he often works for both of them. She also knows that it’s not right to let him do this, but she doesn’t know how to stop.

But being alone isn’t the same as being lonely, and lately, the loneliness feels like it’s swallowing her whole. She tries to keep busy, to distract herself with work or a new book, but the dark thoughts always find her; a cycle she can’t break. They usually creep in at night when she’s most vulnerable, whispering lies she can’t ignore.

You’re a burden.

He’d be better off without you.

Everyone would be better off without you.

In spite of everything, she knows she’s lucky, though. She has a roof over her head, food on the table, and someone who loves her. And, somehow, knowing that only makes her feel worse. Most of the times, the guilt is suffocating — a heavy weight that presses down on her chest until she can’t breathe. She’s tried to push the thoughts away, to drown them in work or meaningless distractions. She tried to be grateful. But tonight, like many other nights before, they’ve won.

When Lando steps into the apartment, the soft click of the door is echoing in the stillness. It’s late — later than he’d hoped — and he assumes she’s already asleep, because he texted her hours ago to let her know he was on his way, but there had been no reply.

Dropping his bag quietly by the door, he toes off his sneakers and glances toward the dimly lit living room. The faint glow of the city skyline filters through the curtains, casting muted shadows across the floor. He moves carefully, not wanting to wake her, with a simple plan in mind: slip into bed, wrap his arms around his girlfriend, and fall asleep to the steady rhythm of her breathing.

But something feels off.

On his way to the bedroom, he spots the balcony door slightly ajar. A cool breeze sneaks through the crack, carrying with it the faint scent of something acrid. He pauses, his brow furrowing as he approaches the glass door.

That’s when he sees her.

She’s out on the balcony, her back to him, legs dangling dangerously over the edge. For a moment, he’s frozen in place, his mind struggling to process what he’s seeing. Then his gaze shifts, taking in the scene: some things are knocked over on the small table by the door, a small flacon of pills alongside a half-empty bottle of wine, and all the mess. The realization hits him like a physical blow, and his heart starts pounding in his chest.

But then, panic grips him as he slides the door open, stepping out onto the balcony. The sound startles her, and she turns her head slightly, her expression distant and unfocused. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and there’s an eerie calmness about her that chills him to the core.

“Hey, is everything okay?” asks Lando, his voice soft as he crouches beside her, careful not to make any sudden movements. “What… baby, what are you doing out here?”

She doesn’t answer immediately, her gaze drifting back to the city below. The silence stretches, each second feeling heavier than the previous one.

“Talk to me,” he pleads, his voice slightly cracking. His eyes dart back to the table, to the pill bottle and the wine, and he feels a surge of anger mixed with fear. “Is this—fuck. Did you take these?”

She shakes her head, a small smile curving in the corner of her mouth. “I’m so tired, love,” she whispers finally, her voice shaking over the hum of the city.

Her words hit him like a punch in the gut, and he’s suddenly aware of how fragile she looks, and how close she is to the edge. His hands shake as he reaches for her, gently gripping her arm. His heart beats so hard that he feels it throughout his body — his ribcage, in his throat, in the hand he tightens around her, to make sure he’s holding her with enough force.

“Okay. That’s okay,” he says, his tone soft but urgent. “Let’s go inside, yeah? I’m tired too, we can rest together. What do you say?”

“No… no, it’s not—” she tries to speak, but her brain is clouded by a mental fog, and everything around her moves too quickly for her to catch up.

“Come on, can you step back? Please. For me?”

His last question is what jolts her back to reality. For him? She would do anything for him. Lando knows that, and she soon realizes that he is using it to emotionally blackmail her. He always does that, and it annoys her.

She raises her head to look at him, her tired eyes meeting his, and for a moment, Lando thinks she’ll comply. But then, she pushes his hand away, a trace of betrayal crossing his face.

“No. It’s pretty out here,” she says, gazing down at the world that simply exists under her feet. The distance makes her stomach clench, knowing that all it takes it’s a small misstep for everything to end. Still, she doesn’t move an inch.

“I see that, love,” he agrees, “But I want to talk to you, and I can’t do that unless I make sure you’re safe. Did you… do this before?”

She nods slowly, refusing to look at him.

At that, Lando exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair, trying to calm the storm in his chest. He knows her enough to know when to push and when to give her space, only this time around, he’s met with a weird combination of both. Luckily, his body decides what to do before his mind agrees to it and, cautiously, he climbs up to join her on the edge, his hands gripping the cold railing as his pulse pounds in his ears.

Her head snaps toward him, her expression instantly shifting, panic flashing in her eyes. “No, what are you doing?” she whispers, her voice cracking.

“I’m with you,” he murmurs, his voice tender, laced with fear he’s desperately trying to hide. “If you’re staying here, then so am I.”

She blinks, her lips parting as if to protest, but no words come. Instead, her gaze softens, the wine-induced haze in her eyes clearing. Slowly, she lets out a shaky breath and sits down on the narrow ledge, her hands gripping the edge. Lando follows her lead, sitting close but careful not to crowd her, his knee brushing hers. He hesitates for a moment before gently reaching for her hand, and he exhales relieved when her fingers close around his, grounding both of them.

They sit in silence for a moment, the distant city lights flickering around them.

“I’ve missed you a lot, you know?” he finally whispers, his voice barely audible, breaking the quiet. “I never… If something happens, I don’t want to have to miss you all the time—”

“Lando, I know,” she cuts him off. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” she continues, staring at their joined hands. Her voice is small, guilt creeping into her tone.

He nods, looking at her, “Whatever it is, you can tell me,” Lando says gently. “I know I’m away a lot, but if you need me, I’ll do anything.”

Her grip on his hand tightens slightly just as she turns to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she repeats, tears pooling but not yet falling. “It’s not your fault, Lan. It’s me. I… don’t even know. There’s nothing wrong, but at the same time, nothing’s quite right, either.”

He shakes his head, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Don’t apologize for feeling. It just makes me think now, because I thought you trusted me,” says Lando, his words cutting through her like a knife through butter. “I trust you,” he adds, almost like pointing it out.

She knows he does, her mind instantly replaying the moments in her mind, the times he’d come to her with his struggles. When a race didn’t go his way, and he doubted everything he’d worked so hard for. When social media was brutal, tearing him apart with words that left invisible scars. When he felt hated and couldn’t understand why. He always talked to her, shared his pain, his fears, his insecurities. He let her in, trusted her completely. And now, here she was, shutting him out when he was only trying to do the same for her.

“Don’t say that…” she starts, but her voice catches, and her breath hitches. “I’m trying.”

“I know, baby. I know,” Lando says gently, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Can we, please, just go inside?”

The tears she’s been holding back for too long finally slip free, carving hot, silent paths down her cheeks. She looks up at him, her lips trembling as she whispers, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

His expression softens, and without hesitation, he lifts her hand to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to her knuckles, mostly to show her that she didn’t. The gesture is so simple yet so full of love that it sends a fresh wave of emotion crashing over her.

Lando doesn’t let go of her hand as he gently helps her to her feet, guiding her back inside the apartment. The night air clings to their skin, but it’s the quiet inside that feels even heavier. He doesn’t say much, just keeps her close, his touch steady and grounding as they make their way to the bathroom.

A little uncomfortable now, she leans against the doorframe, watching as Lando moves around, carefully. He runs the water, testing the temperature with his hand, adding just the right amount of bath salts from the container on the shelf. The pale lavender-scented steam begins to fill the space, creating a safe bubble for both of them.

When Lando finally looks back at her, his expression is warm and inviting, somehow hopeful. He steps closer, reaching out to gently cup her cheek, wiping away the tear stains that remain.

“You’re everything to me,” he says softly, his thumb brushing over her skin before his hands move to the hem of her hoodie.

She doesn’t protest as he carefully lifts it over her head, his touch tender, his eyes never leaving hers. For a moment, she stands there, feeling vulnerable under his gaze, but there’s nothing but love in his expression.

Her fingers tremble slightly as she reaches out to return the gesture, undoing the buttons on his shirt one by one. His eyes stay locked on hers, silently reassuring her, grounding her in the best way possible. By the time she pushes the fabric off his shoulders, the weight in her chest feels a little lighter.

They step into the bath together, the warm water enveloping them like a soothing embrace. She settles between his legs, her back against his chest, and his arms come around her instinctively. There’s no rush, no need for words. It’s just them, surrounded by the quiet hum of the water and the soft glow of the candles Lando had lit earlier.

He presses a gentle kiss to the top of her head, his lips lingering for a moment before he rests his chin on her shoulder. “Promise you’ll talk to me next time?” he asks, his voice small but steady. “I know things won’t change overnight, I don’t expect them to. But I need to know you understand that I’m here for you. That I love you enough to listen, and feel everything with you.”

The words settle in her chest, heavy but necessary, like the first raindrops of a storm. For the first time in what feels like forever, she sees beyond the swirling chaos in her mind. The weight of his love and understanding wraps around her like the warmth of the water they’re sitting in. And then it hits her.

How life itself is the changing of seasons, a constant push and pull — a constant chaos. Sometimes, the sun will break through, lighting everything in gold. Other times, it will rain so hard she won’t see the way ahead. But Lando’s right. It will get better again. Then worse. And then better again. That’s the way it is for everyone. A relentless tide of ups and downs, joy and pain, hope and disappointments.

As she leans back into his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart, she realizes the most important thing: it isn’t always black or white. Sometimes, it’s a hazy gray — a space where the lines blur, where the answers aren’t clear, and the path you find yourself on feels impossibly difficult to navigate. But it’s in that in-between, in the murky middle, that having the right person beside you matters the most. Not to pull you into the light or demand you leave the shadows, but to sit with you in the dark, holding your hand, letting you know you’re not alone.

She swallows hard, her throat tight, but not from sadness this time. “I promise,” she finds the strength to whisper. Her breath catches, and she turns her head slightly to meet his gaze, tears still pooling in her eyes. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I—”

“You deserve everything, my love,” Lando assures her, his lips brushing her temple, before placing a tiny kiss there. “And I’ll make sure you get it.”

His definitive tone sends shivers down her spine.

She closes her eyes, feeling the water ripple softly around them, and holds on tighter, knowing that no matter what storms may come, the most important thing is that they won’t lose each other’s touch.

And that’s everything to her.

PREVIOUS LN⁴ ONE-SHOT

MASTERLIST

Thank you for reading!

None of my works are available for reposting on other platforms. Reblogs, likes, and comments are deeply appreciated ♥︎

© trashy track tales, 2025

[scuorge10]

My job at this point is to be a Polites and Eurylochus defender because y’all will rationalize everything Odysseus does but refuse to see things through Polites or Eurylochus’ eyes.

While all of them are not innocent people because they just came from the Trojan War and are soldiers, y’all still refuse to see things Polites and Eurylochus’ way.

With Polites, Open Arms could have been a way to cope for him as much as it was to try and cheer Odysseus up. While you could say Polites is naive, I don’t see it that way. Polites has fought and has probably killed but in the song he says “aren’t you tired of the war and bloodshed?” Meaning he most likely has guilt of the things he’s done and wants to do better. Wants to be kinder, he thinks the world would be better if we stopped resorting to violence and instead talked things out or go about it a different way.

Y’all also seem to forget that he helps fight the cyclops, meaning that if his philosophy doesn’t work then he is ready to fight if he has to.

With Eurylochus, he is the second in command. He is the voice of the crew. I don’t think he opened that bag out of greed but more so out of distrust (and also a lot of people most likely wouldn’t stop bugging him about it). Because from the start he has shown to have some trust issues with Odysseus (known lier). And while he does bring up hunger a lot, I still think opening that bag was more so out of distrust than for treasure.

We can tell he has guilt over this. For he did accidentally just cause the death of a lot of them. We see that he keeps trying to apologize but Odysseus keeps talking over him.

With the men on Circe’s island debate I can see things in his perspective. He just lost these men to a powerful witch/goddess, anyone would be scared to face her if they don’t have the resources to deal with it, and it wasn’t the entire fleet it was just a few people Odysseus sent with him. And we know Circe is hard to beat because Hermes literally had to give Odysseus a magical plant in order to put them on the same footing. We see with Circe and in the animatic that she was about to kill him before Odysseus let down his guard. Eurylochus had a right to be fearful. Here Odysseus reassures Eurylochus that as their captain he will always come to aid them.

But, this new trust is broken once again when Odysseus sacrifices six men. This rightly sets Eurylochus off because their captain who fought to get them back just willingly sacrificed six of them and they didn’t even know what was about to happen. And so the mutiny begins.

When on the island I can understand Eurylochus because being lost at sea for years mixed with hunger is not a good thing. It makes you lose yourself and your need to eat something, anything, takes over. It didn’t matter in that moment if the cows were sacred, they were starving.

The thing with Eurylochus and Odysseus is that trust goes both ways. You can’t just tell someone to shut up and follow your orders without there being some serious backlash and we know and have seen that we can’t always count on Odysseus’ actions to save them (because his apology to Poseidon doesn’t work and he revealed his name to the cyclops).

[daeagon]

My Reactions to the Season Finale of TDofJ

Time for the SeaSON FINaLe

😮‍💨 I wasn’t planing on doing this, but here I am

How did Jackal escape the Boats? I love the car chase but you get up a boat one last ep

😭😭😭😭😭

WHY IS JACKAL HOMOPHOBIC?! How hurt you!! I’m sorry ok! Please stop killing gay men!

Something something Bianca signed up to help people and has been told to do whatever it takes and she does that to a T, but goes too far, people die and she is dealing with the guilt and consequences, she does what she has been conditioned to do, continue, she is/has lost her humanity for this job and for what?

Say that again? (I can’t find the gif, but you know it)

*scarsactic* wow! It’s almost like that’s how J was in the army and Bianca is a mirror, woah

‘I quit’ SLAYYY QUEENNN!!! You leave them!

but now who’s the reckless loner??? It was a self fulfilling prophecy! She has become the Jackal in her own way, also she has no resources now

IS THAT BRITISH FORUGN SECRETARY THE MOLE?! He’s sus! Also love the music

HE IS THE MOLE! ITS A CONSPIRACY!! ‘Your friends’ WHO?! So he’s leading this, but why? What do they gain?

also Bianca’s going rogue I just know it

I’m so confused! Could the friends be someone the Jakcal has killed? But he was with the people who wanted UDC dead? He’s such a good villain that chuckle!? ‘let her deal with him’ CHILLS CHILLS! I’m so scared for Bianca! This feels like a trap

OH SHIT KID NOOO! what kind of Dr. Strange car flip is that?

Wow, that poor car, poor Jackal!

‘I’d say it was a pleasure, but it was not’ I love her already! Slayyyyyy

She’s cutting the brother off!! 😮

he’s going to the police, he’s telling, he’s going villain I can feel it!

Oh shit, daddy issues, that was cold Nuria! Cold! Don’t do that

THE CAR JS ON FIRE ITS GOING TO EXPLODE GET OUT!

calling the police is not as reassuring as you think it is

THE KIND RANDOM MAN LIVED!! Yippie! You might have some humanity in you yet!

this man just goes around stealing cars and seducing people

Awww I love Bianca and her husband!

MIRRORS TO THIS BEING JACKALS LAST JOB!!! 👀

identity change time!!

I could analyze that, I could, but I won’t (that being J’s scream as he pushes the evidence over a ledge)

oh no, is this another J in the wilderness ep? Bc I hated that time in Hungary

HE PUT HIS WEDDING RING ON!! BLENDING OF HIS 2 LIVES YESSSSSS

Their suspicion! They’ve seen the image! (Which some other have pointed out but it doesn’t really look like him)

but it’s interesting that normal people are being so suspicious of others and thinking twice about helping them, people turning on each other (what comes to mind is Nazi Germany and people snitching on their neighbors) very interesting!

I love the family dynamic! I wish this way my family!

DONT ANSWER THE DOOR!!! OH NO ITS ISOBEL

She’s so awkward, why is the husband hitting the 🧍‍♂️

I love that old couple! Please don’t kill them 🙏

NOOOO!

‘This will all be over soon’ FORSHADOWI N HELLO??

(I forgot to keep adding oops)

‘for the ones who have died’ GURL SHUT THE HELL UP YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEM!!

‘No’ YES!!! TELL THEM NO BIANCA!! I genuinely love a black woman telling someone in the government no!!

WHY ARE YOU GOING TOT HE BORDER WHEN YOUR RUNNING FROM THE POLICE?!

please don’t kill them! 🙏

don’t smoke kids! Remember that!

THEY REMIND HIM OF HIS PARENTS 😭😭😭WERE?!! Are they dead! Probably

DAMN! That’s cold, but understandable

HOLY SHIT! SHE STABBED HIM IN THA BACK LITERALLY

This poor man, he’s been in a car crash, stabbed, he’s going through it

HE JUST PULLED IT OUT! DONT DO THST!! It’s keeping blood in! If you pull it out you’ll start bleeding out!

oh he angy

HE WAS REGAINING HUMANITY/NOT BURRYING IT AND HE GRTS STABBED IN THE BACK

’why couldn’t you have just let it go’ (that’s Bianca’s fatale flaw)

HE LOOKED AWAY ANSBABSFHAND

I don’t know how to feel about these events

DOES HE SEE HIS PARENTS?!!!

He’s always surrounded by bodies, that’s so sad

then immediately cut to Bianca’s family

’one last thing’ I’ve heard this before

The way J calls Nuria ‘my love’ 💕 I love it

‘Are you ok?’

YOU CAN SEE THE BLOOD FROM THE OPEN STAB WOUND?!! (I’m getting the ick from the idea of a stab wound in the shoulder I feel like I can feel it ick, also bc I’m left handed the thought of getting stabbed in the left shoulder ewww)

Something something him hiding his pain (real)

THIS PHONE CALL FEELS LIKE A GOODBY

Oh no! I feel so bad for him! Get him his wife!!

WELL SHIT! Bianca is in Spain! OH NO SHES GOING TO KIDNAP NURIA NOOOOO!

it’s a trap, none knows but Isabel and Vince (he’s also done absolutely nothing this season, which is sad bc I love him! He has so much potential)

As a person I was watching this with said ‘that’s going to go boom/make a big boom’

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨BIRD ALERT 🚨 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

BIRD ALERT!!!

It was in-fact a big boom

He’s on a bus now???? What is with these jumps? First from a boat chase to a car? Then this???

love the music as always 👌 this soundtrack is amazing!

BIRD tour bus!!!! BIRD ALERT!!

And he’s free to go?? These police need to step it up! How much is your budget anyways? Bc it’s far too much in the US

I LOVE THIS DETECTIVE WOMAN!!! She’s so done

VINCE ACTUSLLY DOES SOMETHING YIPPIE!! I also love him

SHIT

SHE KNOWS HIS NAME

SHE FOUND HIM OH SHIT! Confrontation time!!

He just dropped a gun into a bin 😭 he’s going home!

And he wants his money!

WHOS THAT OTHER WHITE WOMAN WHO ARE YOU! I don’t like you, I think she’s going to sell him out or working with the British foreign secretary dude

Is the good woman who’s been helping J is she a middle man?

This feels fishy, I don’t like it

NO NO NOOOOOO THEY GOT NURIA NOO GET AWAY FROL HER

WE DO WHAT THE JACKAL WOULD DO WE WAIT?!? THE PARALLELS TO JACKALS MISSION IN AFGANSIST AND DAKNERJDJFJFBDHFHFBDB

Do not touch Nuria, don’t even think about it!

What? B are you ok?

Ohhh she’s going against instructions!

he’s so getting away

*cough* *cough*

DONT DISS THE FUCKING BUSCITS!

why is she packing?? IS SHE LEAVING? NOW

slayyyy queen!

I’m so confused, the American woman left the hotel, and the man went up, is there a bomb there or something? I’m so confused

THR CARTOON PLAYING WHAT??

(I actually finished the show and have been going back to put my thoughts, but I’m feeling numb)

NURIA LEFT!! PLEASE TALK PLEASE! Also Girl where are you going? Your husband is an expert in this HE WAS TOO LATE!! It’s so tragic

HE LEFT THE BAG HE LEFT EVERYTHING BEHIND FFOR HER BUT HE WAS TOO LATE

im killing myself /j

Someone kill me now (like J is about to d-)

The person I was watching this with ‘don’t try need a warrant? (To B&E) Their secret service agents they don’t need a warrant”

SHES GONE AND SHE TOOK THE KID 😭😭

Oh? Oh no! That warning is a little late but I knew I liked you!!

hes leaving too

OH NO THE BROTHERS THERE! 1 how did you get it? 2 how long has bro been there 😭 3 your dead

yup

also I love Jackals turtleneck/shirt, it’s very gender

There are mother things I could say but I won’t for everyone’s sake

THE RED LIGHT

ITS THE READ LIGHT FROM THE OPENING

he’s just holeing up in his secret lair

the reflection and that red light akakensjsnnsdjsndb

BIANCA HE HAS A FAMILY!!

THE CONTRANS

YESSS ITS THE SCEENE!

HE CAN SEE HER/KNOWS/ IS ONE STEP AHEAD AND SHE ONLY SEES HERSELF LOOKING ABCK AT HER AND HE SEES HER FACE/LOOKS AT HER FOR THE FIRST TIME ANDNFJSJD

Anyone who were in charge of this decision/set design/camera angle deserves all of the awards!! All of them! This show is genuinely breathtaking and so beautiful!!

SHES IN HIS REFLECTION BUT SMALLER OH THE SYMBOLISM AND COMMENTSRY OF THE WORKD

she sees her reflection and turns away oh it just writes itself

THE SEXY NECK CRACK SIR I AM BARKING

oh the things he could do to me

The alarm is just going to make it easier for J to move around the house bc you can’t hear anything over it

I love that he’s just like tf are they doing now

hey bitches

THE RED LIGHT

Vince is dead, welp. You were cool while you were alive (we all expected this)

another scene from the opening

remember that time B went on a mission to take out Norman? Clearly she doesn’t

it’s so quiet, the house is also so dead and empty, the moonlight makes it feel dead

THE HORROR MIVOE VIBES

ohhhh she called him Duggan

‘why do you’ skzndbnsdbdb

for some reason my brain keeps thinking of ‘why do you persist after all I have done’ from Arcane 😭

‘because I like to win’ is that is? This really is a personal grudge for her now, not for the people who have died? Not to bring a criminal to justice? Wow

she charges in thinking she is the cat but she is in his house and he is the cat

Last resort

’it doesn’t have to end this way’ ‘it does’ ACORDING TO WHO

AND THEN YOU SHOOT EHT

BIANCAS DEAD

WHAT NOOOO

NO

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THA

SHES NOT DEAD ( she is, I’ve already gone through this stage)

she’s dead

I genuinely feel numb, I loved Bianca! She made this show amazing! She was so fun! I loved her

all that for nothing

my current mood ^

AT LEASE BIANCA GOT TO SEE HIS FACE IG! She did win, but at what cost

this is so morbid, she’s really dead I can believe it but I don’t want to

WHAT ABOUT HER FAMILY!!!!

NURIA NOOOOOOOOO! Welp season 2 find your family

oh he angy.

Noooooooo this poor man, he’s so sad, the wet cat energy! HES CRYING

Please Nuria

Ok first of all get your suitcase/gun back, you’ll need it for season 2! I don’t make the rules the plot does

ANOTHER CAR CRACK WHAT THE HECK! Does this man ever get a break!!

you really need to focus on the roads damn

Who was that other car? BIANCA!! 🤡

OU NO ISABELLS IN CHARGE OH NO OSI WATCH OUT!!

Ohhh get her Osi!

Coveruppppp!

BIANCA KNEW IT WAS A TRAP SHE PLANNED FOR IT 🤡

S2 Osi vs Isabell but Osi is rebelling calling it now

THE PLANT!

that feels symbolic, but I don’t know how, was it all an act? ‘I killl everything’????

Osi working undercover to trance Bianca’s steps???

The music ohh?

where are they?

😳

legggsssss

I JUST FELL TO MY KNEES IN A WALMART PARKING LOT

THATS SO HOT

I’ll bring her home by 8 vs your daughter calls me daddy too 😭😭😭😭😭

I NEED HIM I NEED HIS GENDER I NEED HIM I NEED TO BE HIM

ONC CHANCE PLEASE! JUST ONE PLEASE

I AM GOING INSAME. IMM LOSING MY MIND

THAT FIT

*hyperventelates*

I am not ok

I think this had changed the trajectory of my life

I’m never getting over this

HE JSIT WALKED PAST 2 POLICE OFFICERS THETES A JOKE BROO

he’s so cunty

serving

he’s so free! And light and happy!!

WHAT IN THE GOOD OMENS THAT IS A CROWLEY LOOK OMAJDMDKDNDNNDDBDBDHDBDRBDBDDBBDDBFBDSHHS

IM SHAKING

are they besties?? Slayyyy

I actually love that idea!

I need them, I love their friendship

also yeah, how did you survive??

wait, how does she know? WAS SHE RESPOSIBLE? IS SHE GOING TO BETRY HIM

HE TOOK HIS SUNGLASSES OFF! HE TRUSTS HER YESSSSS

ohhhh they’re going after the people who hired them yessssss REVENTGE

her name is Zina cool (it’s so sad that I’ve only just remembered it)

FIND YOUR FAMILY AND GET REVENGE!

that is how you do an ending

I am going to loop that song into oblivion, I need that ending injected into my veins!

THE GENDER

Nuria fumbled so hard damn

this is genuinely such an amazing show, it was a journey

I am so ready for Season 2!!!

[queen-scribbles]

Taking advantage of a bonus day off to meta about my spy son and his relationship with his Sith gf. :D

It was really interesting with Arkady's run through SoR and RotE, watching his opinion on Lana change. When I started the prelude stuff, I wasn't sure they were going to work, considering he's... not the biggest fan of the Sith. (refresher: he grew up on Ziost and watched a Sith kill his best friend as a teen for "mouthing off". [read: not groveling enough] There was no punishment or anything bc that's The Sith's Right as Superior Beings and he's always been quietly furious about that.) And he was suspicious of Lana at first. But much as I hate the "you're not like other [X]" trope, it does sort of apply here.

Lana is far more practical, level headed, and open minded than any other Sith he's met. And, more importantly, she doesn't act like she's superior simply for being Sith. She listens to his insight, acknowledges and even compliments his skill(and others'). And not in the flattering, hope-to-distract-you way Darth Arkous does; her praise is genuine. That she trusts him with her concerns says volumes to Arkday and goes a long way towards softening his opinion, as does her willingness to work with Theron from Depths of Manaan onward. She's cunning, subtle, and patient, and all those are things he admires.

There is, admittedly, a bit of a setback in his opinion after her "let Theron get captured" stunt on Rishi; the events of the Agent story have made him really sensitive to anything that resembles betrayal from within or not being able to trust your own team. He does insist she apologize, even if he can see her logic. Trust is paramount in something like this. Still, he can appreciate her ability to assess the situation, weigh risk/cost against benefits and make a call quickly in the field, even if he emphatically disagrees with that call.

She's invaluable, and picks up spycraft so quickly he's pretty sure she would have made an amazing operative if she didn't have the Force and get claimed by the Sith. In turn, he's not shy about telling her that. He thinks she's doing an impressive job with the limitations of not knowing who to trust, the lack of resources that includes, and the immensity of what they're facing. By the time they get to the end of Yavin 4 and the aftermath of fighting Revan/the Emperor's escape, he's a a big fan of This One Sith in particular, and has no problem with Marr putting her in charge of Sith Intelligence(even if he rankles at the general concept; he's gone free agent, this doesn't affect him xD). He is, in fact, effusive in his support of this, encouraging to her before they part, and quite saddened by the thought of how long it might be before their paths cross again(if ever). He likes her quite a bit.

In RotE, I was worried I was setting him up for no smooch bc he only took the flirts that seemed in character, and I know pub-side you have to take them all to get a Theron smooch. Lana is not so picky. xD Even if it wasn't Lana asking, he would have jumped to help seeing as Ziost is his home planet. (WHOOPS 😬) He didn't take the first flirt, no matter how glad he was to see her, bc it didn't feel right, under the circumstances. He gets the rundown on what's happening and her plan for dealing with it and backs her immediately. "If that's what you think we should do, we'll do it." He does think she's in over her head, but only bc the chaos unfolding on Ziost would be over anyone's head, even if they were standing on someone else's shoulders. Fortunately, since both he and Theron are here to help, that's three of them and maybe they can get one of their heads above water, so to speak.

It does, of course, only reinforce his general dislike of Sith as power-hungry tyrants(Lana and Marr being literally the only exceptions to this in his experience). He very deliberately doesn't say anything about the fact Theron had to modify the "pacification" weapon to be non-lethal(meaning it was lethal to start. :) The Sith were willing to kill their own people :) for expressing discontent. :)) Lana, do you see where he might have a problem?). There are bigger fish to fry. Like Vitiate.

Master Surro proved another ~Arkady Disapproves~ moment wrt Lana. Having had his mind played with and prodded, he's not inclined to let that happen to anyone, even if she is a Jedi. Lana, of course, thinks he and Theron are soft-hearted and irresponsible for not following what they could learn from this. Arkady doesn't think it will be worth it(who's to say there's any evidence of what Vitiate did or how he took/maintained control? You could break or kill her and gain nothing and she's been through enough.) [PS. He didn't say anything in KotFE ch 4 about Valkorion being in his head. This moment right here is why]

Even with that leaving a sour taste in his mouth, and the fact their big, last-gasp plan does not seem to have worked for more than ten seconds, he still admires her. She kept the Sith Emperor from taking over her mind, thought and acted decisively under extreme pressure(hot), worked well with other even with personal friction, and did the best she could with an impossible situation. When they fail, and Ziost is devoured (and he sure feels Some Kind of Way about that, even if he didn't have a lot of fond memories of home, it was home), Lana acknowledges the failure, figuratively dusts herself off, and thinks about what to do going forward.

It's very sexy, to him, the way she never seems daunted and presses on regardless. Of course he's not going to let her do it alone. Of course he's going to help. However she needs.

This method of helping is 100% fine with him. :3

I may do a separate post about their KotFE/ET era relationship (making it official etc) once he's further along than KotFE ch 5, but I will say: after the nightmares Arkady went through in carbonite, Lana's face being the first one he saw coming out of it was an immeasurable relief.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: Drop It Like It's Hot (21x08)

A funny time of year to be watching an episode about a heatwave! This episode had some real old-school Grey's vibes for me, in a way I really liked.

Cons:

If Owen cheats on Teddy with that random lady he was flirting with waiting for car repair, I am going to sue ABC lol. Please, enough already! Honestly I think Dr. Open Marriage should go ahead and seduce Teddy and Owen both, drag her husband into the mix, Maybe Teddy and Owen would calm the fuck down if they were having fun extramarital sex. Or even group sex, let's do this fucking thing. Instead we have this insufferable moment where Owen sees Dr. Beckman giving Teddy a comforting and innocent touch on the arm in the elevator, and he gets all weirded out. Yeesh, I'm so tired of them.

I feel like there's a weird disconnect with Yasuda leaving in this episode. Jules is devastated and acts like it's this big final thing, but like... is she moving away forever? When your co-worker and girlfriend stops being your co-worker, that doesn't mean she's going to vanish from your life in an instant. I wonder what we'll find out about Yasuda after the hiatus. Is she just quietly moving away in the gap between episodes, or will it be a slower phase-out, like maybe we hear about her still being around for a while and then she comes back to guest for one more episode when she does finally move away or something? I don't know. I just felt like the stakes of this being a goodbye episode for the character were a little murky.

I guess it's fine if Blue wants to make out with his amnesiac ex or whatever, but also if I'm being totally honest, I don't care and I'm already bored. If Lucas dies of a gunshot wound I vote for Simone and Kwan to grief bang about it, they have way better chemistry.

Pros:

I love a unifying disaster that the whole hospital is having to deal with: this week it's a heat wave, with the infrastructure here in the Pacific Northwest not equipped to deal with the unseasonably hot spring day. I do kind of wish someone had brought up that this is climate change's fault more directly, just because I think it's funny when the very basic political messaging of a show like this gets people riled up. But I liked how it was this constant struggle with the large number of people coming in and the resources being stretched too tight. There's never enough ice!

Teddy puts Ben in charge of handling the disaster preparedness aspect of things, but then shuts him down when he tries to keep the trauma bays open after Teddy thinks it's time to close them. I like thinking about what Ben's place is here in the hospital - he's diverted from helping with surgeries specifically because of his first responder training, but then overruled by Teddy for trying to do that aspect of the job, too. He's in a frustrating in-between which is his own doing for switching careers more than once, but it's interesting to see him try and navigate that.

While I had my complaints about this as Mika's final episode, I do think this was a great showcase performance from the actor. Her dead, blank face as she keeps telling Bailey "he's dying, it's not working, he's dying," transitioning to her begging and pleading and telling Bailey to take her instead... that was a masterful moment from the actress. And I thought her and Jules's love scene was so tender and beautiful. You know as you're watching it happen that this is a bad idea in the sense that Mika is in such a vulnerable place, but also you know how much these women care for each other, and it's a real comfort and moment of peace for them too. Jules really cares about her and really wants to be there for her no matter what she chooses. I also thought Bailey did such a lovely job of giving Mika the space to choose her own path. It was lovely how she affirmed that Mika knows herself best and didn't try and dig her heels in and convince her to stay. I understand that Jules is hurt by Bailey not fighting for Yasuda, but I think Bailey's in the right, here!

Winston slutting it up and having to deal with a patient whose mom he had a one night stand with is honestly very funny. Continually bitter about Winston and Maggie going up in flames the way they did, but I do kind of like this phase for his character. Like, get it, Winston. Honestly. But also I liked how he was able to be here for the mother whose daughter is in such a dangerous situation.

The classic-Grey's feeling is of course most clearly seen in Jo and Lucas getting caught up in a convenience store robbery. It's such ridiculous drama, with pregnant Jo bleeding and potentially losing the babies, and Lucas reflecting on the infamous story of his grandfather dying in an armed robbery... even Amelia mentions her dead family members in this episode before we get the dramatic irony of Lucas wrestling the robber for the gun in those final moments. A shot goes off, but the fates of the people involved are left unknowable until this show comes back in March! Place your bets now, is it Lucas or Jo? Is Jo going to miscarry those twins? Classic soap opera juiciness, I'm legitimately more invested in Lucas Adams than I've ever been, now that his life might be on the line. If he dies, then Amelia should get to sue ABC, too. Every man Amelia's related to has to be shot at some point, I suppose.

So yeah, this was a good episode! Sad to lose Mika, annoyed as always by Teddy and Owen, but... there was a lot of classic angst-y goodness here to chew on. I'll be glad to see the show come back in the spring, and until then I'll just have to wonder at Jo and Lucas's fates...

7.5/10

[american-dream-novel]

REVIEW: The Ex-Girlfriend of My Ex-Girlfriend Is My Girlfriend by Maddy Court

Whenever I delve into a new project, I make serious considerations about what research is necessary for it. What areas do I lack knowledge in? What is the project focused on, and can I answer to those themes intelligently? The next step is to start finding books I feel might answer those questions and get reading.

When it comes to American Dream, I knew I would have to delve into gender and sexuality. In particular, lesbian identities and experiences, especially those that dyke/butches, etc. experience. I identify as bisexual, but there is something within the dyke/butch/masc labels that, while I do not feel comfortable taking up as my own, appeal to me and my identity.

Because of this and the centrality of the characters' lesbianism — I knew I had to read up. I checked out The Ex-Girlfriend of My Ex-Girlfriend Is My Girlfriend without knowing it was actually dating advice for queer folk. Nevertheless, it proved to be informative!

I read all of Maddy Court's (and friends) advice in one sitting. I'm currently going through a weird phase in my own romantic life — breaking up with my partner of 3 years, exploring polyamory & generally what I want out of relationships, discovering I may not be as sex-apathetic as I’d thought — so on a personal level, Court's book was extremely helpful. If you're a queer person, the book covers everything from new love, getting over someone, finding your place in the community, coming out, etc. There's a little something for everyone. It was comforting, even though I've been out for 5ish years, to read something written for you in mind.

What shocked me the most about reading TEGOMEGIMG (lol) is that I forgot straight people get all these resources about love, relationships, etc. and we don't have that same wealth of resources, which is especially frustrating as our love inherently exist outside of what our society deems "normal" or "acceptable" or the "status quo." This book did a phenomenal job of reminding me that I may be queer, but I'm human, too. In that way, I cannot recommend this book enough!

TAKEAWAYS & IMPORTANT INFORMATION:

On a I'm-researching-for-a-book level, I would not say that this does the job except in a very particular way. This isn't a problem! I'm the dumbass who didn't read the description before checking it out lol. For research purposes, though, these are the things I found most informative:

Transmisogyny is alive and well in the queer community! As a trans masc individual, I'm keenly aware that the experiences of trans femmes/trans women are different from my own, and given Judi is a trans woman (a particularly masc-presenting one at that), the book opened my eyes to some considerations I should have when writing her, what her experiences might be realistically, etc. Central to her character is her feelings of alienation and loneliness. What role would her experiences in queer, sapphic communities have in those feelings? I want things to be nuanced of course, and the question from Ex-Girlfriend that deals specifically with these experiences and frustrations (beautifully answered to by Mey Rude) points to some of those considerations in representation.

The difficulties in finding your queer community, even when you move to a new place or think you've found some great people. Each of the main characters face some level of alienation, both self-imposed but also as a result of their experiences. Eddie really struggles with finding his place, especially in rural Michigan, and I found Maddy's perspective as a midwestern queer illuminating — how her dating life has adapted to the fact that her pool of queer friends and acquaintances isn't terribly large, so she's accepted that LDRs are going to be common in her life.

Compulsive heterosexuality. While I wouldn't call it a central part of Birdie, I do want to explore that part of her. When the story starts, she's with a man — her best friend of 6-8 years, someone she grew to love over time and found attractive. She thinks of him as the one-off guy, even though she's had other partners in the past that were men. Overall, the q's regarding comp het and internalized homophobia were illuminating in this regard, especially as I struggle with both myself.

FINAL REVIEW:

9/10, but not very useful for the purposes of researching queer identities and representation. I would recommend the book to literally anyone — it's such a short read, and you'll walk away with a leveler-head. You'll feel like you're filled up with all this good advice, all this love for yourself, your friends, for the people you will meet. The book soothed a lot of my anxieties, some I hadn't even been able to recognize. For what it is, Maddy Court's The Ex-Girlfriend of My Ex-Girlfriend Is My Girlfriend does exactly what it set out to do. In that way, there's not much criticism to give.

[spindle-girl]

Flare 2.3

Back at it fresh into some new horrors

There were things to be said about it, about the militaristic tilt of the group, the way the PRT and the Protectorate had broken in such a way that the Wardens had sprung up from one large chunk of the image, presentation and ideals.  Crystal’s parahuman miltary thing was crudely forged from another chunk of what the PRT had been: the PRT’s old laws, rules, and discipline.  A military-esque force without a government to serve or a hard and fast system of law to back it up.

i really can't see how this ends up with a better image than other groups all things considered

“This isn’t about powers,” she said.  “But I wouldn’t rule them out.  They helped and they may be part of this.  The key thing is that a lot of the building materials and resources we used to get started came from other worlds.”

this isn't a bad explanation by any means, but it does make out Scion's rampage across the multiverse as a little less impactful if the other worlds are happy and able to be providing assistance. is this one of those, Cauldron-in-the-background kind of deals?

“The two construction groups are collaborating, banding together, the areas rezoned, contracts reworked.  They say workers signed and agreed, and there are no longer ‘dibs’, as you put it.” “For something that matters as much as home and shelter, with that many employees, you’d think someone would have read the contract thoroughly enough to figure that out.”

oh these workers are def getting screwed over

“I know,” I said.  “I’m going to go get changed and see if I can find footwear.  If you have a minute, could you find any belts?”

FF Vic skin, limited edition

“South side of the building,” he said, pointing. “Stand on the dotted line, try not to stare down the crowd or antagonize them. Be gentle if they get rowdy.”

"try not to antagonize them" oh boy this is going to go well if that's the orders they're getting

“Just a design, not an emblem,” I said, turning my back to him to show him the rush job we’d managed with the heat-transferred image, my sweatshirt lightly singed in places.  It was a circle with lines intersecting it, almost like a sun, but with the lines running into the circle.  The image was offset, so the lines were shorter to the left and top of the image.  Crystal’s idea and design, and I’d had no objection.

is there any meaning behind the symbol i'm not getting or is it just a thing? i guess it goes with the rest of the arc titles, with it being a sun

“You happen to beat me to the scene, and then you use your secret identity, condescension and anti-parahuman shit to take me down a notch? And then you want a place on Advance Guard?”

i suppose Shortcut was the first hero the protagonist met, but it doesn't guarantee he'll get the Defiant treatment so he should really stop playing Armsmaster

It hit me like a blow to the head.  An image in my mind’s eye, a feeling, a sense of something greater.  Forgotten in the same instant it occurred.  I dropped out of the air, and I caught myself a moment later.  Crystal did much the same.

aw, no gold morning images?

End Notes:

the flirting was rough to get through listening to it while driving, ngl. nothing really standing out to me, but i know this doesn't turn out well for the people involved in the broken trigger. i'm guessing we'll get to Sam's friend later down the line when the Wardens mess up handling her situation

[roarrrgame]

Reasons why I chose the Redemption ending in Veilguard (part 1 role-playing reasons)

I see a lot of people who think the Trick or Fight ending, particularly the Trick ending is more satisfying, well of course beating a god is gonna be satisfying, and it’s a video game a lot of people just wanna the excitement and satisfaction. However as an rp nerd and a nerd in general, I believe the Redeem ending is the best choice, and here are my reason.

The biggest reason is that the other two endings do not fit my mage character. If she were a rogue or a warrior, then sure I think the other two endings would work, but as a mage I just don’t peg myself as someone who can physically overpower a god or is nimble enough to switch the daggers under his nose lol.

If there were no other way out of it, I’m definitely willing to try these two options, and with the help of adrenaline, I might be able to pull them off (my Rook does lift lol), however, as a mage with half a brain, I would obviously think, at that critical moment, it’s too much risk to try and pull something like that with a fucking god who can turn someone into stone with one gaze.

I would obviously think that, the more outside help the better, and another god, Mythal, would do a better job than me, canonically a nobody, someone who doesn’t even read (re the book club), who gets bored listening to Bellara explain Elven artefacts (I played a Veil Jumper Mage Elf once it was painful how Bellara knows everything I knew nothing).

It’s more in character for me a mage to be ultra prepared and gather every resource I can before the final moment, instead of improvising something on the fucking spot.

Besides, in the end my Rook finally figured out how to deal with Solas. The thing is he mirrors you. If you show your belly he would be a little more hesitant when he betrays you. So even if Mythal and co fail, Rook can always take the chance to try to stab him in the back while he’s all sad and distracted. But if you provoke him he’s more prone to strike, and my poor mortal Rook cannot take such strike.

My Rook is just a rando and she’s happy with it. She knows her limits, and she is not going to enter a pissing contest with Solas for who is the biggest trickster in the universe. She knows and embraces the fact that she and Solas are different, not only in that she’s mortal and he’s not, but also she has a choice to be kind and compassionate to her colleagues and enemies alike. She does not have to take vengeance on Solas just because he wronged her.

Also, Emmrich wanted Rook to try and talk him down, and Emmrich has never been wrong ;3

[secondhandbagofholding]

One of my greatest anxieties about being a would-be author is the state of the world of publishing. To be fair my knowledge of it is limited. I don't think it's a world you know much about unless you have already traveled to it by being published, if you are a native there as an editor or publisher, or if you are on the outside looking at brochures for the place hoping to one day board whatever train it is that can take you there so your ideas and manuscripts can become published works. The workings of the publishing industry aren't common knowledge to most people, most probably because why would it need to be? Authors author the books. Publishers publish the books. Readers read the books. Why should the reader need to know what's going on in the other parts of the process? Their part is simple; go to the library or the bookstore, acquire the book, and read it.

But as someone who is part of that last category, the reader, trying to enter into the first category, the author, the blind spot I have for how the second category does its job causes me a great deal of stress. And, to top it all off, reports are fairly constant now that the world of publishing is, like mostly every other industry, overrun now with the idea of cheap and forgettable products. Ursula K LeGuin, on her blog back in the 2010's once talked about publishing and why she wouldn't let certain parts of the industry get their hands on her books, or her, if she could help it. She equated, as many people I have read do, the way books are published at breakneck speed, with little substance and even less polish to how fast food and convenience food appeals to the masses. It's quick. It's cheap. It's forgettable. It might nourish you, but it's certainly not everything you need to survive. I might add, that cases where that is the only source of nourishment available are also deplorable, especially in a society where our resources are almost limitless if we weren't so focused on profit and growth only. Fast food is great sometimes, and can fill gaps when other more wholesome nourishment is lacking or unavailable, but eventually everyone needs something more. Eventually everyone has to have something more filling and healthful. For food, that can be a home-cooked meal or even simply a more balanced meal that provides more nutrients. Something that feeds your body, and in some cases, can expand your horizons. For books, its something that feeds your soul, that challenges you, and equally, something that expands your horizons. Unfortunately, publishing is often easier for "fast food" literature. It sells well, it sells a lot, and it doesn't take a lot of time and resources to publish. And for a lot of people, that's the primary source of literature they consume.

But what about the people who don't want to write "fast food" literature? What about the people who don't want to read "fast food" literature? What happens when the only source left is the fast and palatable? What happens when someone comes along with something new and exciting, but it's not as marketable so it simply fizzles to nothing. It loses the chance to expand horizons. It loses the chance to be the main course of someone's banquet of words, edged out by the fast food that's spoiled the reader's appetite.

The rise and risk of AI are a symptom of this problem. Low cost, low quality, fast turnover, fast production. Growth, growth, growth, growth, growth. And authors suffer because of it, but I think, probably more importantly, readers do as well. With nothing to expand our horizons and nourish our souls, our horizons and our souls atrophy. All because it makes publishers and shareholders money. The consumer, the reader, the eater, the artist, the author be damned.

Guillermo Del Toro I think put it well in a recent interview in London, speaking about generative AI:

“A.I. has demonstrated that it can do semi-compelling screensavers... The value of art is not how much it costs and how little effort it requires, it’s how much would you risk to be in its presence? How much would people pay for those screensavers? Are they gonna make them cry because they lost a son? A mother? Because they misspent their youth? Fuck no.”

Call me pompous, or prideful, or full of myself. Call me whatever you want, but I want to make art that requires risk. I want to make art that makes you challenge yourself and question yourself. I want to make art that has something to say and that makes you feel the entire spectrum of human emotion.

But I worry that I will lose that chance, unable to compete, as many chefs, painters, digital artists, and other types of creators around the world are unable to compete, by the rampant unchecked trend toward cheap, easy to consume, easy to produce junk.

[bugflies00]

RIGHT so the pirate au

well it's nothing very original don't get your hopes up or anything BUT. basically it's mainly lmancrew (with a crimeboys focus) and tntduo centered and it's set in like a medieval-esque fictional setting like basically six of crows minus the magic. like i literally typed six of crows into pinterest to get good images those are the vibes

wilbur's captain of this ship called the l'manberg (ok no but i hesitated between naming the ship or their og town lmanburg but i ended up naming the ship that because i just think it's such a good ship name like . she/her in a boat way. does this make sense) and the crew is niki, jack, eret, fundy and tubbo (well obviously theres more people cause how would a ship Function but the rest of those are Unnamed background characters).

wilbur's also a pretty high ranked official like idk general or captain of the guard idk how the military works i would have to figure that out, but basically he's kinda famous and so's his ship. they aren't participating in a war it's more of like an explorer position because wilbur's known for being a brilliant cartographer and so the previous king just kinda appointed him to this new position to let him fuck off & do his own thing mapping the whole world with his crew. the issue is the old king died with no heir and replaced by his nephew (dream) who's much more controlling and power-hungry than he was and who doesn't want to waste money & resources on some bs like maps. this will create Conflict (im so good at narration guys. Help)

tommy's like a homeless orphan (as he alwyas is) and really needs a job and money and all that and he hears the l'manburg isn't at sea for once and wilbur & his crew are taking a rest at the capital for a couple days before sailing back off again. naturally he sneaks in, lives in the storage room for like a week or two, surviving off scraps of food . then tubbo stumbles across him and almost reports him, but tommy convinces him not to and so tubbo helps him for a couple days. then someone else finds him, and he's brought to the captain and they all threaten to throw the stowaway overboard (they wouldn't actually they're all kinda softies) and tommy's like pissing himself from how scared he is especially cause wilbur's like . this really famous general who's had books and songs written about him and shit (he doesn't know yet hes just an annoying pretentious prick (/lovingly)) so he's like Ohmygod im dead and then wilbur's like . "Can you cook" "erm no" "can you clean" "yeah ig" "Can you fight even somewhat decently" "yeah bitch me and my knives are the best they call me th-" "Ok you're hired" AND THUS tommy joins the crew

and so they keep on sailing with their mission yadda yadda and WHAM they encounter the most notorious pirate crew of the continent, named, you guessed it, las nevadas. and tommy's heard a lot of proper horror stories about them and he's terrified but the crew have fought them off a bunch of times before so they're mainly annoyed because they're gonna have to deal with the frankly disgustingly homoerotic rivalry that their captain and the pirate captain have been passionately engaging in for several years now. THATS RIGHT TNTDUO BABY oh they are so pathetic and so gay it's actually embarrassing they'll have like sword duels . wilbur's the uptight, bitchy, and somewhat pretentious general with perfectly styled hair and ornate coat always huffing and puffing and waxing poetry meanwhile quackity's the fuckin bad boy stereotype with like a half unbuttoned poet or blackshirt (slut) (wilbur cannot stop staring its embarrassing) and he's always hanging off ropes and shit and doing sick acrobatics and taunting wilbur GOD they're so. and yeah they have sword duels where all they do is "distract the opponent" in order to "efficiently win the battle" which is code for "practically make out while hurling insults at each other"

also crimeboys is like "in awe of the legendary general" "who is this child on my boat" >>> "oh my god the general's a prick" "oh my god the child's a demon" >>> "maybe he's not that bad but i would rather die and curse his entire family line than admit that" >>> "that is my brother i would die for him and if you lay a hand upon him you won't have hands anymore" (the funny thing is they both end up with that same level of protectiveness and making the same threats despite wilbur being a like Adult and high ranked official with power and influence and decades of training of elaborate swordsmanship behind him . and tommy is a stowaway fifteen year old orphan with three knives and teeth and a whole lot of anger . but they're both like "no i must protect and die for the other" im sorry i just love them ok theyre so stupid) i just LOVE crimeboys having to go through begrudging bonding instead of instantly being ride or die brothers GIVE ME TO MORE ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO BROTHERS anyway

also we also get emerald duo in the form of them being co-captains (please pretend that is a thing i know Nothing about anything ever) of this other ship and they're like independent merchants or whatever idk i have not figured out that whole bit yet MY POINT IS they're not affiliated with anyone they just sorta do their own thing and only help people if they want to or are indebted . they help out wilbur sometimes cause he's a dumbass

speaking of wilbur like i said he's had books and songs written about him (his age is kind of a grey zone like on one hand he's pretty young for a general but he's also had time to become this like famous and mysterious figure so can't be Too young . so i think probably like 27-29? smth like that) and one of them was a legend about how he fell in love with a mermaid . yes she had red hair and teal scales and her name was sally BUT SHE'S STILL AN OCEAN MERMAID I KNOW SALMONS LIVE IN RIVERS anyway . also for little tntduo crumbs he's called quackity a siren multiple times (in his mind he's insulting him like "ooh you manipulate people" and everyone around him is like "that is the Gayest thing you could possibly have said") and quackity's like "didnt you date a mermaid" "yeah but sirens are like evil mermaids" "so you want to date me" and then wilbur stabs him

ALSO more about wilbur's character development (this is a bit spoilerish but also it's not like im ever writing this full fic so you're not exactly risking much but just be warned) he starts out like i said as this really uptight military official who started when he was really young and trained really hard and flew through the ranks really fast because he worked his ass off . And so he's Very protective of his rank & title & prestige not so much because he's snobbish but because he worked so hard for it but so it often comes across as him being this like pretentious fuck (well he's also pretentious but thats just wilbur) . also he originally dreamed of being a cartographer and he spent his whole childhood drawing up maps but then he realised he couldn't make a living out of that so he decided to work hard enough to be at the top and then do what he wanted. and so he wears like his tricorn hat with a feather and his ornate coat and neatly tucked in shirt and everything cause for him it's like Proof that he Did it yknow . but then as time goes by, especially in the presence of quackity (who's very antihero-esque and so does not give a shit about ranks or whatever he's a pirate he does his own thing) and also a bit tommy (who was literally dressed in rags until they clothed and fed him but still behaves like a street rat on the most famous ship of the country) he slowly loosens up and he ends up ditching the coat and the hat and instead wears more stuff like loose poet shirts (open because he's a slut) . and so yeah character development through clothing and whatnot

ok so YEAH those are the tidbits that were plaguing my mind the most but there's definitely a whole lot more in my head like ive got a pinterest board and shit

[juniperberries-canisroot]

For the ask game: Vigilant and Nightingale. I was particularly interested in hearing about Chantilly Leice and Melka, but feel free to switch around to other characters if you prefer!

WHOOO YEAH I get to talk about Melka! I like their story cause it's somethin different than what I normally write. Vigilant will be under the cut.

Also ignore why the pics are blue, it was to help me find it easier in the massive sea that is my phone album roll. The letter was to also help me and the reader see each different letter is a different conversation.

Nightingale-If the player wasn't the DB, what would they be doing?

CL would be doing what she's trying to do now, put the DragonBorn legacy behind her, focus on her family (hubby, 3 adopted kids and her 3 dogs), keeping them safe and go about her typical business like DBH contracts, being the Listener, Nightingale and Guild Master, building connections for the Theives Guild and occasional jobs for the Companions and EETC. She does it all. She is also the Arch-Mage so she does the rare jobs for them like killing the anomalies or dealing with some rogue wacko wizard (based on cut content I found on UESP). She also does the occasional odd mercanary job for the Bard's College (I expanded upon it on her story and added a new NPC/someone who had a past with her). She takes up odd jobs as well as our player does in game. Currently her goal is to explore every Nordic ruin, every dank dungeon on both Skyrim and Solstheim. She dislikes the Dwemee ruins due to how loud they are (her Lycan senses amplify sounds).

Melka would be doing what they were before they found out they were the DragonBorn, mostly work for the Companions and helping Kodlak find a cure for the Beast Blood. Melka's story is that they aren't from Skyrim, they're from some other unnamed land where humans had to live underground cause above ground had too many dangerous monsters, along with dwindling resources. They eventually leave that place and travel around until finding Skyrim. They love the cold weather and eventually found themself in the company of the Companions. Most of the other ingame guilds aren't their jam nor do they have any interest in them. When Melka finds out some of the Circle are werewolves, they refuse the Blood. In Melka's land, 'transformation magic' is an evil corruptive magic that permanently turns the human it 'infected' into a monster after some time. It's given by a being of higher power (read, NOT a god, not Aedra or even Daedra), and at first it seems good. It gives the human strength, power, all the things they need to survive. But beings of higher power have no interest in bettering humans. The 'boon' uses the humans body as a host, and eventually the 'monster that was always inside claws its way out'. At that point the human isn't human anymore, it's a monster and must be killed like one. Skyrim challenges alot of Melka's previous opinions and views on various subjects, one being transformation magic, aka the Beast Blood. When Kodlak confides in Melka that he along with Vilkas and Farkas want a cure, somethin impossible where Melka is from, they offer their help in any way they can.

Vigilant-Do your characters follow any religion, deity, do any worship?

CL is very clear in that she does not worship any being, no Aedra, Daedric Princes, beings of higher power like Sithis, ect... However that doesn't change her situation. She is still the Listener, killing souls for Sithis, she's still a werewolf that chooses to keep the blood even after knowing there's a cure, she's still done favours and has various boons from Aedra and Daedric Princes like Mara, Dibella, Kyne, Sheogorath, Sanguine, Meridia and Hermaeus Mora. She's aware doing acts for them is still doing what they want, but she does it 'out of necessity'.

She will place no offerings at alters or shrines, she will not spread the word or teachings of someone, will not bear their symbol, doesn't invoke the name of someone for power, follows no religion, does no prayers. She also doesn't like Akatosh cause she hates being the DragonBorn, so she has a bone to pick with him.

Melka is from a land where there are no gods. Gods are simply faceless beings from a child's bedtime story, they were never real and still aren't. Even coming to Skyrim Melka still doesn't believe gods are real, and, you can't really blame them. Their world was ravaged by monsters, yet these gods of Skyrim have done things to help their followers? Where were the gods in Melka's land? What have the humans done to never be allowed help from these 'so called gods' of Skyrim, or Tamriel, or anywhere? Why did no gods look upon these humans, clearly struggling to survive, their population becoming increasingly low, near extinction levels and never offer them help or made themself known? So Melka is a bit spiteful against gods. For a while they don't believe in Daedric Princes either. But here's the thing about Daedric Princes, they actively make themself known to mortals. They wander among them in disguise, they speak to their followers, they show them their domain and give them power. Sure you could argue some Aedra do the same things, but they certainly don't do it on the same level as Daedric Princes.

Even when told about the Beast Blood, Melka thinks Hircine is nothing more than a being of higher power giving mortals transformation magic and corrupting them. Fighting feral savages doesn't help, it further proves to them the Beast Blood is a curse and that everyone who has it, Kodlak, Farkas and Vilkas included will all fall victim to it. One day they won't be able to turn back, they will be a monster forever.

[phatburd]

ask game: N, T, W

Some of my opinions are probably going to wildly offend people but let’s go!

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

Only three things? Hmm. K. So, for The Old Guard:

First thing - I want more morally grey stories, or Dubious Morality as AO3 tags it, or stories where the characters have to make choices with no good, 100% happy outcomes for anybody. Where helping someone will guarantee that some other innocent will get hurt and suffer. I want to see Nile, et al, make hard choices.

Second thing (of which I am guilty so far) is I’d like to see more solo-Andy in the immediate years after she became immortal and the millennia she spent alone before she met any of the others. There’s a lot of stories to mine there, and one of the reasons why I haven’t touched it yet is because there’s so much to mine there. It’s intimidating. I want to do it anyway. I’m currently focused on the Napoleonic Era for Booker, but I’m not above poking at the Bronze Age Collapse at another time.

Thirdly, I want more fics that explore the future of the immortal team. The past is a great resource, and that's fun to tease out and see how the immortals can fit into historical events. But the future has a lot of potential too. How do the immortals deal with a world where facial recognition technology is everywhere? How does one disappear where every movement is tracked in some way or other?

(I work with some huge information databases in my real world job – the details of which I can’t talk about – and let’s just say I know what I’m talking about.)

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Booker is not inherently selfish. Full stop.

Let me explain. In the early 2000s I was going through a really bad mental health patch. I kinda fell apart professionally and personally in the aftermath of Bush vs. Gore and pretty much hated everyone and everything.

I don’t know how many people here are old enough to remember the discussions around “enhanced interrogations.” In my really bad psychological state, I read a book that discussed the use of torture through the ages and its ineffectiveness as a tool to gather intelligence. This is because everyone has a breaking point, where they will do anything, say anything, agree to anything, just to escape the pain.

This is the point where I realized the same thing applied to depression and suicidal ideation. At some point, the pain of living becomes so goddamn intense, a person develops tunnel vision and will do anything to stop their own pain. Depression is torture without any visible mechanism. In that case, is it selfish to end your own pain?

This is where shitheads will say, “But what about all other people in your life? You’re selfish because you’ll hurt them!” No, they don’t fucking get it. That’s counterproductive because a person that far down in the hole will think, “Well, maybe they’ll be better off without me then.” The pain is so intense, you're not thinking of others because you can’t. You just want it to end by any means necessary.

What does this have to do with Booker? Yeah, this is the mental state I imagine Booker to have been in for longer than most people have been alive. He wants it to end and he will do whatever it takes, including agreeing to things he probably wouldn’t have if he wasn’t in that mental state.

Is wanting to end your own pain weak or selfish? I’d say no. Anyone who says yes hasn't been there, and I hope they never reach that breaking point to understand what it feels like.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

I screeched about this when this last season of Star Trek Picard aired. Actually, I screeched about multiple tropes in Star Trek Picard that I fucking loathed. I’m going to revisit the one that pissed me off most, and that was what happened to Captain Liam Shaw.

Technically, what happened to Shaw wasn’t a deathbed conversion, since he apparently made up his mind before he was even officially introduced that he actually liked Seven. But S3E09 gave all the appearances of a deathbed conversion and I flipped the fuck out.

I do not like it when a character has a change of heart right before they die. Dying doesn’t teach a character anything. They can’t be a better person and grow because they’re dead. They can’t have their past conceptions challenged by new experiences because they’re dead.

A deathbed conversion is nice for drama, but it’s also the easy way out, another form of deus ex machina if you will, and I hate it wherever I see it.

Okay, I think that’s enough. I haven’t had any caffeine yet, what a way to crawl out of bed. I did this to myself though. Lol.

[melishade]

Hello!

About the ask game,

Can you do number 19? But make it about optimus and Megatron??

This ask game

Ooo. Fun. Drama. How about...Megatron's psyche during the Dark Timeline before Optimus' rescue

"What are you doing, Megatron?" Optimus demanded.

Megatron sighed to himself as he sharpened his blade with a rock. The environment around him was...dark. He couldn't see anything past Optimus. Part of him knew...this was a dream.

"Taking care of our mess," Megatron replied.

"You mean your mess," Optimus corrected, "Shockwave was your scientist. Your responsibility. If you had forfeited the war as you proclaimed, you should have done something about Shockwave."

"...I'm sure that staying on Cybertron for too long would have reignited the Decepticon movement," Megatron reasoned.

"You killed Airachnid before leaving," Optimus reminded, "I'm sure someone like you would have found the time. But because you did nothing, Shockwave is here. On this world. The human race is at risk of eternal suffering because of your inaction."

Megatron stood up to face Optimus. "How was I supposed to know that Shockwave would come to this backwaters planet? I didn't even know it existed until I was flung through an unstable 'bridge."

"You are Megatron: Leader of the Decepticons," Optimus reminded, "Your name alone either strikes fear or admiration into the sparks of those who would listen."

"I am not that person anymore," Megatron proclaimed.

"You are not a selfish, violent, mech, who only cares about his wants and needs over others?" Optimus challenged sarcastically.

Megatron's mouth formed a thin line.

"You stayed on this world because you wanted to make amends with me, no matter who got in your way," Optimus reminded, "As if that would be enough to repair all the damage you caused?"

"Then what would I need to do so that it will be enough?!" Megatron demanded in anger, "What?! What exactly do I need to do in order to be enough for you?! I am giving everything I have to save your precious humans and fix my mistake! What would be enough for you?!"

Optimus crossed his arms. "You are still making it about yourself, and what you want. No matter where you go, death will follow. And now my comrades are at risk. My home, and the people I love are at risk because of you."

"Of course I know that!" Megatron yelled, "I don't need a figment of my imagination telling me this nonsense! I already know your precious humans are terrified because of my failure! I'm tired of dealing with Hanji locking herself in her office instead of leading like she's supposed to! I'm tired of those humans depending on me for help! I'm tired of training all the titan shifters! I'm tired of dealing with Lara's hang ups about honor and duty! Most of all, I'm tired of dealing with Eren and all of his trauma! I am doing everything to keep them safe because I care! So just-!"

"Shut up!" Megatron screamed as he slammed his fists on the table and sat up from his chair. Megatron took a look at his surroundings and realized that he was on the neutral ship. Megatron sighed in irritation as he looked down at the table full of scattered tools, grateful that he didn't crush any with his strength.

"No wonder you don't sleep," a voice remarked. Megatron glared at Levi as he sat on the table with his legs crossed. He wore his 3D gear, and he was drinking water out of a canteen.

"You look like shit," Levi proclaimed.

"Get fragged," Megatron swore to him as he stood up.

"Just say fuck, you asshole," Levi told him.

"Report," Megatron ordered as he turned on the computer.

"Survey Corps are helping provide aid to refugees," Levi explained, "There's debate about going back to the mainland to help others."

"We don't have the resources, so no," Megatron declared, "What about the Restorationists?"

"Cooperating," Levi simply replied, "They haven't done anything stupid."

"Good," Megatron said as he began searching the database.

"What about Zeke?" Levi asked.

"As long as Lara does her job, Zeke shouldn't be a problem for the time being," Megatron explained.

"...I need your help," Levi confessed.

Megatron froze and snapped his head towards Levi. "What?"

"Yeah, I'm not happy about it either," Levi seethed.

"What could you possibly need help from me for?!" Megatron demanded. Megatron noticed...a rather somber look in Levi's eyes, like he was accepting defeat.

"It's about Hanji," Levi began, and Megatron wanted to scream. For Primus sake, of course it was about her.

(You can ask for more on the link above!)

[archangel-azi-fell]

It's January 6. It's the anniversary of the Insurrection.

It's a great day for a history lesson, but history can be boring

SO

Let's talk Star Wars, instead.

What if we renamed those twins?

Luke and Leia - Lucifer and Lilith

But the rebellion started before them. You see it in Obi-Wan.

There was someone who would not sit idly by and watch as tyranny took hold.

So, if not Lily and Luke, who?

Well, what is a lei? It's a flower chain necklace.

Like a daisy chain. Daisy played Rey.

Do you get where I'm heading?

Who are your favorite witches in pop culture these days?

How are the Sanderson sisters portrayed? Black hair, Red hair, Blonde hair. We're like a series of flowers. Black - Red - White/Gold For my Dan Brown fans: Mary Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow?

Mary had a little lamb

Whose fleece was white as snow. How are the Greek Gods portrayed? A lot of them had Gold hair. Strange. How is Jesus portrayed? The same. Well, I LOVE to be the bearer of some news, but Norse made it much further than they're given credit for. You hear a lot about Vikings, but how much is true? They're finding artifacts all over that have runic carvings on them. Have you watched Thor? He may have been the God of War, but Odin always taught to invite strangers to your table. Dine with them. Learn about them. What do they need? How can you befriend them? So, that's what we did. Odin was pronounced as WOdin. What does Odin go by in American Gods? Mr. Wedneday. Wednesday's Child is full of woe—not literal woe. It's from an old poem called Monday's Child. Who are the days of the week named for? Do you all like French and Spanish? JE SUE - Because I'm all fire! Christo más? más qué? What if we chose Jesus as a name so in Spanish it was pronounced HEY ZEUS!

So, I have a question for Christians. Who was Kristos? The Chosen One or the anointed one?

Go have a good, hard look at Trump. The man is orange. He loves gold, diamonds, and pedophilia. Wasn't there an ancient king who did as well? Even Melania is looking orange these days. She doesn't seem like the type to deal with fake tanner. Elon Musk's favorite game is Diablo. So, let's call him Mr. Diablo. Mr. Diablo helped fund the creation of Neurolink. What number did he give it? You should google it and really read about it. He even called one of his kids X. X marks the spot, but what do pirates do? They kill the other pirate and steal his treasure. Babies are treasures. Children are the most precious resource in every civilization. Good Job, US, you elected a pedophilic puppet that Mr. Diablo, the AntiChrist, and rasPutin has strings on. Rose for my mother.

Christ for my father. There was lightning before the THUNDER.

[eorzeaisnotcrash]

I went on and did them all. Help.

Patchouli

It depends on the expansion/patch/reason she’s stressed or scared. Joceline might encourage herself to do her best, remind herself people are depending on her, eat something, get drunk, start a bar fight, take a depression nap, go shopping, rest inside her own head while she lets Esteem have the reins, or work herself up to wring every bit of pain she can from the entity/entities who pissed her off. 

Before 5.X, on the morning of a fight she expects to be particularly difficult, Jojo offers a prayer to Rhalgr.

Jojo mostly paid lip service to begin with, and that was before she lost all her enthusiasm for the Twelve. There’s no coming back, especially now she’s learned the truth about them.

Oh, she definitely wants to protect. The only reason she bothers with some parts of MSQ is lowering the odds of losing any more people she cares about. She may grumble and sulk and play hooky, but she’ll kill what she has to kill, and she’ll side-eye anyone she thinks might hurt her people. And because she’s so good at dealing with threats, finding things, and making things, folks do tend to feel better when she’s around, even when she’s being a brat. She hates feeling stifled, and is careful not to give others reason to feel that way.

Well, there are the dungeons where she has to fight undead. And there’s the Lifestream. Jojo mainly feels this while witnessing Severian say goodbye, and after she and Paiyo Reiyo pay their respects to Edda.

Cinnamon

Jojo does enjoy it. How often she enjoys it depends on how hard they’re working her in a particular patch/expac. She doesn’t feel she has to keep it secret, but it’s something that just doesn’t occur to her to discuss without someone asking about it.

She comes from a big family, and while they weren’t starving, they definitely weren’t rich. The minute she no longer had to spend or sell everything she looted, she became a pack rat. She still is, and even though she now has a house, she’ll probably be that way till she stops existing. Depending on everybody else’s generosity might stretch resources others need for themselves, get her labeled as a mooch, or have her owing favors she doesn’t want or need to.

The weather doesn’t cause Jojo to feel more or less energetic.

Jojo loves dressing up and feasting and dancing and laughing… WHEN SHE CAN. She is not the one to endure a life of work work work and little fun. She doesn’t want all the trouble of being a host and she wouldn’t know where to start, so she’s definitely there as a guest.

She’s quite healthy. Physically.

Nutmeg

She tries to think clearly, but if things are bad (HW, SB, early 5.0 and parts of 6.0) she’s often sad, mad, and/or paranoid, and that definitely affects how she thinks.

She isn’t particularly eloquent when she does it, but Jojo expresses herself with ease.

She often tries to put herself in the other person’s shoes, assuming it’s not one of the times she’s so overworked and angry that she doesn’t care, but whether she can or can’t is on a case-by-case basis. If it’s a case of someone acting like they want X but then doing a more convoluted Y, she won’t get it. If you talk about achieving A, but are acting like issues B, C, and/or D are no big deal, she won’t understand what’s going through your head. If you’re worried for somebody’s safety, worn out from your job, or unhappy because you‘ve been bereaved, betrayed, and/or dehumanized, she can definitely empathize.

The situation has to involve her convictions to begin with. If Jojo feels pressured into or dragged into something, she’ll keep thinking about the odds of crashing and burning. If she WANTS to do what she’s doing, she’ll believe in it more readily, but she’s never 100% immune to doubt.

The horrible things that keep happening in 2.55 and 3.0 show her a couple of nasty realities. One, trusting people is dangerous. People in power (and this causes no problems whatsoever considering who the not-dead Scions need to interact with in Ishgard), mysterious crystals who claim to want to protect the star, non-combatant associates who arrogantly order everyone else around. Two, the Warrior of Light is not a person. She’s a weapon to kill what other people want her to kill; she’s dumb muscle to stand there quietly while other people make plans, and have emotions, and receive encouragement and comfort. Not long after she finally starts getting over these realities, she visits Noesis and is slapped in the face with proof that she and others have been taking orders from a primal. Great. And then there’s the end of her visit to Elpis, when she learns that she and her loved ones have been tapped in a time loop and she’s basically told Hydaelyn to kill Minfilia, and hey, the old world actually is kind of nice now that she’s seen it with her own eyes, but it has to go. She is immeasurably sorry she’s learned all of these things.

Clove

Jojo doesn’t do it on purpose, but people do start feeling safe around her when they believe they can depend on her. If she doesn’t like you or what she’s been press-ganged into doing, you may be able to feel the god-killers’s hostility rolling off of her, and that plus the lovely aromas of cheap wine and the blood of her enemies she can’t be bothered to wash off can be pretty unsettling. Now THAT she does on purpose.

She’s quite easygoing when she feels like a person. If she feels taken for granted, betrayed, dehumanized, lied to, stuck with people she doesn’t like or trust, or like she’s being talked down to -or if someone she cares about is being similarly abused -she will get cranky. She doesn’t bother to hide it and she wouldn’t be much good at it if she tried.

It depends. She would rather stay clean, but if her mood is too bad for too long, she can become quite unhygienic and stay like that for a while. If anyone has a problem with it, they’re welcome to go be the Weapon of Light while she takes enough time for herself to have a bath.

If she does, she’ll look for some running water and get the worst spots. Maybe if it rains hard enough she stands out in it.

Safety is having adequate shelter and food and funds. Safety is also being around people you can trust, as well as having skills and weapons to handle the times you aren’t. Safety means low odds of the place you lay your head being obliterated in a war or apocalypse… and safety means not being constantly thrown at a zillion enemies with little to no battle plan. Jojo chooses to do some dangerous things, but she definitely wants safety for herself and others.

Frankincense

Sometimes she thinks about what she needs to do in the future, or what she had no business doing and should never do again. Nidhogg and Esteem make themselves known with no effort on her part -she’s not likely to find anything scarier than them when she looks within.

If you’re curious or enthusiastic about something that she is. Or if she thinks you’re adorable and wants to see you thrive. Or if you do or say something that makes her think “wow, so cool!”

How old are you and which expac is this? She’ll always make an effort to keep things clean for the little ones and respectable elders (even if she can’t switch off the cynicism), but deep down she’s still twelve summers old. In HW-SB she generally does not care about self-censorship and is a bad bad girl.

There’s some Insane Jojo Logic behind some of what she says and does, but she always understands her own motives.

It depends on when/where they meet her (and therefore the amount of angry resting face she displays) and how they try. Even when she’s not in edgelady mode, if you approach her the wrong way she will become unsettled and shut you out, and you’ll have to work extra hard to learn about her.

Myrrh

Jojo originally hoped they went to one of the heavens. Then her fellow Scions told her about the Lifestream. She’s fine with the ancestors not watching over her -being dead, it’s not like they’d be able to help her much. (She eats those words at the Final Steps of Faith and again before the Dying Gasp.)

Oh, she’d get bored very quickly. She can be quiet with her own thoughts, though.

Sometimes Starlight makes her a little sad, because that’s about when the crap in Ul’dah happened, and she spent most of the holiday grieving the dead and dreading the day the Ascians went buckwild with no one to resist them. 

As long as they don’t intend to sic a god/gods on anyone, Jojo stays quiet and lets others meditate or worship as they see fit. She might even join in; it can’t hurt. In the case of the kami, between the not drowning and the interactions with Tsukumo, she straight-up converts.

While she can see physical damage and maybe feel sad about the waste of life, Jojo’s senses are pretty dull when it comes to this.

Scents of Samhain OC Ask List.

Celebrated from October 31st to November 1st, Samhain heralds the end of the harvest season and the onset of winter, or what the Celts considered the “darker half” of the year. As one of the major Celtic fire festivals, Samhain holds a place of significant importance, marking a period when the veil between worlds is thin and spirits are more likely to make an appearance.

Patchouli: Grounding, protection, and spiritual growth.

What does your OC use to anchor themselves emotionally during times of stress, or when they are feeling afraid? Do they think of a specific person? Focus upon their religious faith? Reflect upon a firmly held belief? Or something else?

Does your OC have any particular rituals or actions they perform for good luck, perhaps before embarking upon a risky venture or new activity?

How in touch is your OC with the spiritual beliefs and traditions of their culture of origin? Have they ever moved away from these? Perhaps only to return to them later?

How protective is your OC of those about whom they care? Does this ever come across as controlling or stifling? Or do they provide a quietly reassuring presence?

Are there specific times or places where your OC feels particular in touch with things beyond the everyday - whether the divine, the occult or the world of the dead.

Cinnamon: Warmth, prosperity, and vitality.

Does your OC enjoy feeling cosy? Perhaps being snuggled in blankets or wrapped in furs? If so, then is this something that they get to enjoy very often? And is it something about which they are quite private?

Is your OC someone who tends to store resources to get through the winter (or times of hardship in general)? Or are they more inclined to assume that things will work themselves out somehow - or even rely upon the generosity of others?

Does your OC feel more energetic or motivated during warmer seasons or when in hotter climates? Conversely, do they feel inclined to "hibernate" during colder weather?

Is your OC someone who enjoys feasting and carousing? If so then are they likely to be hosting such an event? Or more likely to be attending as a guest? If they don't enjoy such things, then what is the reason for their aversion?

Is your OC generally quite healthy? Or do they often come down with colds and minor ailments? Are they perhaps even a bit of a hypochondriac?

Nutmeg: Clarity, spiritual fortitude, and insight.

Would those who know your OC describe them as being rational and clear-thinking? Or are their thoughts often muddied by conflicting emotions? Or are they easily distracted by irrelevant details?

Does your OC find it easy to explain their views and opinions? Or do they find themselves grasping for the right words? Or perhaps stumbling over how to phrase something?

Is your OC easily able to empathise with others? Can they put themselves in someone else's shoes? Or are the motives and actions of others frequently a mystery to them?

Does your OC have the courage of their convictions? Or are they often beset by self-doubt or paralysed by indecision?

Was there a specific event or conversation which opened your OC's eyes to a particular reality? Do they ever regret learning the truth and feel nostalgic for their former innocence?

Clove: Safety, cleansing, and amiability.

Is your OC someone who makes those around them feel safe? Or is there something about them which others can find rather unsettling? If so, then is this the case constantly, or only in certain circumstances?

Is your OC generally easy-going? Or are they sometimes fussy, irritable or curmudgeonly? What tends to put them into a bad mood? Are they good at concealing the fact? Do they even try?

How important is cleanliness to your OC? Are they keen to wash and bathe as often as possible? Or can they go for extended periods without being troubled by any social expectations around personal hygiene?

When away from the comfort and convenience of amenities such as baths and showers, how does your OC keep themselves clean and fresh? If they do at all?

What does safety mean to your OC? Is it emotional or financial security? Or protection from physical harm? Is safety something for which they aim - either for themselves or others?

Frankincense: Connection, introspection, and purification.

Is your OC prone to introspection? Or do they not often look within themselves? If so then is this purely by inclination, or do they fear what they might discover?

What makes your OC feel an instant sense of connection to another person? A shared sense of humour? A common cultural heritage? Enjoyment of the same activities?

Is your OC a model of purity and innocence? Or are they prone to bawdy humour, sexual innuendos and cynical retorts? Perhaps they give the appearance of purity, but underneath things are a great deal murkier?

Does your OC ever do things and then afterwards find it hard to explain why they acted the way that they did? Or are they always clear on why they spoke or behaved in a certain way, even if they choose not to admit it to others?

Is your OC someone who other people consider easy to get to know? Are they, in fact, quite wrong about this?

Myrrh: Meditation, spiritual awareness, and grief.

Does your OC believe that their ancestors or dead relatives watch over them? Does this bring them comfort? Or would they actually rather they didn't?

Is your OC able to sit in silence with their own thoughts? Are they able to clear their mind and meditate? Or would they quickly become fidgety or bored?

Is there a particular date or season when your OC is more likely to reflect upon grief and loss? If they are grieving for a specific person then do they find times such as anniversaries or namedays particularly difficult?

To what degree is your OC mindful of the religious and spiritual beliefs of others? Even if they do not share them?

Is your OC sensitive to locations where great loss or suffering took place? Do they believe they can sense the echoes of past events? Or are they oblivious? How do they respond emotionally to being in such places?