#have a literal meteor shower asshole

[barbwalken]

Its time to draw the annual ass beating between cyrus and cynthia

[atwistedtalehq]

CHARACTER INFORMATION: 

**CHARACTER NAME:** Howl Pendragon (real name Howell Jenkins)

**KNOWN ALIAS'**: Wizard Howl, Jenkin the Sorcerer, Heartless Howl, Howl the Heart Eater, Sylvester Oak, Malcom Orion Blackwell, Wizard Pendragon, he literally has fifty million of them please kill me

**CHARACTER FACECLAIM:** Jamie Campbell Bower aka that fuck from twilight

**CHARACTER AGE/DOB (if from enchanted forest, general age okay):** 27, born December 1996

**CHARACTER PRONOUNS/GENDER IDENTITY/SEXUALITY ETC:** He/They; Gender Fluid; Likes Women Like A Lot

**CHARACTER FANDOM:** Howl's Moving Castle Book

**OC OR CANON:**  Canon

**WHICH LAND ARE THEY FROM: ** Wales, technically. Magical Land - Ingary. However he has a magic house that has has a portal connected to the enchanted

**CHARACTER BIOGRAPHY:**

- fuck boy

- grew up in Wales to a perfectly ordinary family. He has an older sister named Morgan. Morgan and Howl grew up loving each other dearly until Howl began showing he was different. It wasn't a Petunia/Lily Evans situation, as Megan was originally taken in by the magic and wonder... the problem came when their parents despised it.

- Their parents did everything in their power to get him to stop and be normal. But how do you tell a child with magical power to cut the shit? Especially one that's literally a genius.

- Is a genius but is also So Fucking Stupid.

- Their parents practically gaslit Megan, and as Howl distanced himself from his family to be with other like individuals, she couldn't help feel abandoned... thus bringing that tension.

- Howl went to University early, and graduated even earlier with a fucking DOCTORATE in Paranormal Occulpt Studies, Charms and Spellwork, and Magic theory. Don't fucking ask me what university he went to, he's in Wales.

- Howl played rugby as a sport and was quite fit

- He also is into old cars.

- Remember when I said he was a fuck boy? Yeah, he's a fuck boy slut whore who sleeps around and can't commit to anything.

- He ghosted a girl when he was 18, and when her three brothers came to beat the shit out of him, he did a fucky and opened a portal to another universe. Oops! Because his parents threw him out when he was 16, no one but his sister and some of his magic friends noticed.

- In a strange land called Ingary, he found a master - a Witch named Mrs. Pentstemmon. This woman loved him like a mother and taught him everything she knew in a matter of twoish years, after being able to tell his power level could grow to be on the level of the Witch of the Waste.

- At some point during this apprenticeship, his sister MegN gets married to a fucking asshole who is implied to be emotionally abusive. She has two children named Neil and Marianne (Mari). Howl adores all three of them, but especially Mari. His relationship with Megan and Neil are strained.

- And here's where he fucks up.

- While wandering a mood to watch the a meteor shower, he manages to do the impossible and catch a falling star after feeling a strange magical pull. The star, he realizes, is screaming in fear, for once a falling star touches the ground, it dies. The star doesn't want to die, and Howl, having a weak heart, asks the star what me can do. The two form a bargain, which ended up being both the worst and best decision he ever made.

- The bargain transforms the star into a fire demon. In exchange for boosting Howl's power, Calcifer retains hold on his heart... But both realize their mistake right away. Calcifer must be kept alive and bright, otherwise they will both die. Another issue: not having a heart for so long will cause Calcifer to consume Howl's soul. Now, Calcifer is a demon now, and normally wouldn't give a shit, but he has Howl's heart and included is his empathy and love. Howl saved him. He isn't an old enough fire demon to not give a shit. But they're stuck relying on each other.

- Howl has always had, let's say, commitment issues. Stemming from parental issues and watching his sister in a loveless marriage as she became bitter and jaded, and maybe some more internal complexes too, but Howl abandoned his apprenticeship (that was basically done anyway) and became a nameless hermit. He is a Grade A Coward which is why everytime he dates someone or someone expresses any time of feeling, he runs Away!

- "Nameless Hermit"

- In comes the Moving Castle. This is a magical feet, a ginormous fucking machine that prowls the moors of Ingary, near what they call the Wastes. It's run by Calcifer.

- But here's the thing, fucking Howl is high maintenance. The son of a bitch has so may vanity potions and make up and fine clothes and everything that he could send a fucking diva to shame. and to do that he needs Money.

- ENTER THE PORTALS.

- There's a magic door in the "castle", which is, in reality, the little stupid house he lives in in Wales that's connected to Ingary. It's the guest house in his sister's estate (bc her trash husband is rich). So, depending on what color changing blob the door is set too, it takes you different places. One, always black, takes him back home to Wales to his sister and his neice/nephew.

- THE CURRENT PORTALS: Purple takes him to Kingsbury in Ingary, where he is Wizard Pendragon. He upsells his charms and potions and what have you to the rich, where he makes most of his money. This alias also does business with king, though he always dodges the "when will you become one of my official wizard" question. Green is where the castle is currently roaming. People who know the moving castle as the home of "Heartless Howl", a fearsome wizard that eats beautiful women's hearts. Blue is Portshaven, a seaside town in Ingary that is mostly low to middle class. He undercharges his customers here, as most can't afford it but need the help.

- Not having his heart doesn't mean he's "soulless" or feelingless, but it's almost as if his feelings are being passed through a filter, or there's a film inbetween them and him. His eyes are green, and are noticably a glassy color, as if they're empty.

- SO, when he finds a poor recently orphaned boy sleeping on his doorstep in Porthaven... Well, actually, he doesn't do anything. Calcifer let Michael Fisher (13 at the time) in. And Howl, listening to his circumstances... just never told him to leave. Mind you, he never told the kid to stay either, but suddenly, six months went by with Michael (who has no where else to go) helping out around the various shops before either of them realized that Michael was effectively Howl's apprentice. Michael, who was too chicken shit to ask to say just... moved into the spare bedroom and Howl didn't say a WORD. this mans cannot commit to anything.

- Surprise! Howl fuck up again. Well, truthfully, he fucks up a LOT but here's the big fuck up.

- as mentioned before, Howl sleeps around. He runs head first whenever someone catches feelings (or god forbid he has an iota of a feeling) just fucking goes ghost. dips outta there like no one's business. See ya. wouldn't wanna BE YA. This was all fine and good until... well, The Witch of the Waste.

- The Witch of the Waste was beautiful, rich, dangerous, and the perfect temporary sugar mommy — until he realized something was very, very wrong. that magnetic pull he felt when near her wasn't just him being horny, it was her ancient fire demon .

- No one knew how old the Witch of the Waste was - just that she was a giant cunt all throughout history, cursing anyone who pissed her off. Stories said it was a title passed down between mother and daughter... Sorry to disappoint but it's the same lady.

- The Witch of the Waste made the same mistake howl did centuries ago. Her original soul is gone, and all that's left is a demon who no longer has a heart to feel anything anymore, and the Witch is just a flesh sack being used as a puppet. The fire demon wants Howl's heart AND wants to consume Calcifer to beef up the power.

- When Howl realized what the fuck was happening... Well. Howl tried to go ghost. Dip the fuck outta there.

- Yeah that didn't work.

- The Witch of the Waste put a curse on him, binding him to her essence ... which means no matter how far he runs, the demon will always find him. And no matter where he runs, how much protection he gives himself, she always finds some way to slither through.

- Michael, when traveling to the various towns for supplies, makes up absolutely BONKERS stories about Wizard Howl to keep people away from the Moving Castle, which is the sturdiest when it comes to protection wards. His favorite so far is the "he eats beautiful young women's hearts" as a reference to his white behavior

- Howl added a fifth spot onto the portal door. Storybrooke. Look, he knew it was a cursed fucking town okay? He knows curses. But here's the logic: why the fuck would she looked for a cursed fucker in an already cursed town on EARTH??? So he let them live their repetitive lives over and over again... and well, _okay_, he _said_ he wasn't going to do anything - not his monkeys not his circus.

- He's a fucking liar. The only way he's able to get himself to do something is tell himself he isn't going to do it under any circumstances, ESPECIALLY if it's scary.... and by the time he got around to be like "Oh maybe i should stop pretending to be the weirdo homeopathic magic wizard boy in town and actually do something", someone else already broke the curse! Not his fault.

- Except, apparently, there's a whole other place some of these fuckers have to get to and now his apprentice doesn't want to leave because he "feels bad" and Calcifer is COMPLAINING about being moved again, AND he has to go see a rugby game next week that moving makes him cranky —

- Plus, the Witch hasn't found him again yet. So he's still safe, for now.

- So now he's fifty shades of 🧍

- Howl may be a coward, but he is one of the strongest sorcerer's in the world. If you do manage to pin him down, maybe don't. Big Do Not Fuck With Him energy. ESPECIALLY when he has Calcifer bumping up his power. Despite him running away from the Witch of the Waste like a little bitch baby, he CAN go toe to toe with her in battle.

- He has a temper when it comes to people he cares about - not that he would admit it. But go after his sister, niece, or nephew and he'll fucking live up to his fake reputation and rip your heart out.

- Bad With Money. It's a miracle Amazon doesn't take gold coin.

OOC INFORMATION: 

MUN NAME/ALIAS: Love

MUN AGE: 26

MUN PRONOUNS: She/Her/Hers

[voidsentprinces]

Job Quests

Gladiator: A woman leading a guild after her two companions had a falling out resulting in the death of her father. Years later turns out the guy everyone thought did it was innocent and the other dude was jealous and power hungry so she grows to learn the truth and becomes better for it.

Paladin: A dude who is inspired to become a Paladin but keeps getting gaslighted by the asshole who inspired him.

Marauder: Smash a bunch of rocks and then take down an over grown moose to avenge a boy's dead parents.

Warrior: The best way to harness your short temper is to use it in defense of those you love and care for.

Dark Knight: Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you want to go apeshit? Well, maybe go apeshit when you have something to defend and don't forget, you cannot save everyone but you can do your damndest for those you have left.

Gunbreaker: Start off doing mercenary work and then if you're lucky, you have to fight Sephiroth more or less.

Pugilist: An old dude and has youthful protege definitely committing fraud but his old pupil and rival show up. So you gotta beat the elderly to save the guild.

Monk: The last heir to the Ala Mhigan throne who keeps having to deal with the sins of his sire.

Lancer: Start training as a lancer but get into a pissing contest with a dude who faces Gridania's racist beha--and he fell off a cliff. Let us never speak of this ever again.

Dragooon: Estinien is a dumbass. The Dragons are good actually. This one just needs to remember who she is!

Rogue: Someone set us up the bomb

Ninja: Proto-Fandaniel fucks with Doman Shinobi and you just have to go along with it. After that, its just Naruto filler episodes.

Samurai: Become an honorable samurai and then put down the most unhonorable of samurai including your mentor.

Reaper: Your trainer is a grizzled Garlean Matron leading a ragtag band of mercenaries. But when a trauma of her storied past re-emerges, literally, you hunt that sucker down and give her her justice.

Conjurer: Look at this little shit trying to forget her past by being the best there is. The kids got heart though much to the chagrin to the ten thouse year old kid who leads your guild.

White Mage: You're here to be a family councillor.

Arcanist: Meet this cat girl, she has some trauma from this pirate. Dance for her mentor for the fun of it then punch out the pirate.

Scholar: You're here to be a couples councillor.

Astrologian: Its miracle astrology last this long with how much of a shit show Sharlayan and Ishgard are. Luckily the only competent woman doing Astrology is here to help, reluctantly.

Sage: How many backstabs and plot twists can we stuff into 10 levels?

Archer: Start training as a archer but get into a pissing contest with a dude who forces Gridania's racist behavior onto a cat girl making her almost join some poachers--and he said he was sowwwwwwyyyyy. Let us never speak of this ever again.

Bard: Learn from a storied bard and help him work through his guilt. Then ship two men as you travel across the realm.

Machinist: Everything from classism to arranged marriage can be solved with guns.

Dancer: Death and stress of death are imminent, dance like there's no tomorrow.

Thaumaturge: Begin training as a mage but then become a baby sitter. But oh no the baby is possessed by a powerful voidsent! Kill the voidsent and save a family of like...Nonupletes.

Black Mage: Give a powerful Black Mage the death he feels he deserves by gaining to much power but accidentally sacrificing his friends in the process. Then beat up a Black Mage fan club and watch romance blossom between a cleric who won't stop calling a woman a heretic and the aforemention woman possessed by the greatest black mage who ever live. Then I dunno...stop a meteor shower or some shit.

Summoner: Here's Y'shtola's sister. Gain the power of the gods and anime on your side. In the process beat up a man best described as "IM A GENIUS! OH NO!", a group of Ascians, and I kind of forget what happens after that.

Red Mage: The hottest man in the world teaches you how to red mage. In the process you'll adopt an amnesiacstic woman, beat the hot man's old class mate and then kill a Voidsent Royal. All while the man becomes increasingly sexier with every cutscene.

Blue Mage: What if we turned a con job into a humanitarian effort?

[shuadotcom]

I Put a Spell on You | KNJ

✹ Summary: Namjoon wanted to find the right time to tell you he was born a warlock, but when a witch casts a time-sensitive spell on you, he may have to confess to you sooner than he anticipated. ✹ Pairing: Warlock!Namjoon x Mortal Female!Reader ✹ Genre: Fluff, warlock au, supernatural au, established relationship ✹ Rating: PG15 ✹ Warnings: Just cursing ✹ Word Count: 4.5k ✹ A/N: Written for @bangtanshadowfamily’s Creatures of Moonlight Manor 🖤 Huge thank you to @spicykoreantatertots​ for beta’ing this for me and giving me her wonderful feedback 🥰 

This GORGEOUS banner and matching divider was made by the super talented Vivi!! @eerieedits​ / @chillingtae​ seriously I am so in love with it thank you a million more times. Check out her edits!! 💜

Namjoon had wanted to tell you, he really did. There was just never the right time. He agonized over it for the entirety of your relationship, and now, five years later with marriage on his mind, he has to admit to you that he was born a warlock.

He knew that you hated magic; you made that very clear on your first date. Your mutual best friend set you two up, who knew what Namjoon was and knew how you felt.

“I think you two could hit it off, but you may not have much of a chance with her,” he remembers Yoongi telling him. “She hates magic and everything related to it.”

“But you’re a literal vampire, and she’s friends with you!”

“Yeah, but I’m not magical. I’m different.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes and waved it off, but still didn’t mention what he was to you when you first met. That turned out to have been for the best after he learned more about you.

Being born the only person in your family in a decade with no magical abilities made you develop a hatred for all things and people related to witchcraft. Your family did their best not to exclude you from magic related games at family reunions and get-togethers and would try not to talk too heavily about it when you were around, but you always stood out like a sore thumb. You have a self-proclaimed chip on your shoulders that seemed to lessen over the years he’s known you but was still there.

Now, you’re coming up on your fifth anniversary, and Namjoon has an engagement ring burning a hole in his sock drawer because he’s ready to propose to you, but he can’t spend the rest of his life with you without telling you the truth. He loves you more than he’s ever loved anyone, but the idea of telling you he’s a warlock and having you leave him is terrifying.

Yoongi gets to hear all of his worries and woes anytime he’s over at the vampire’s apartment.

“Do you even know how you’re going to propose?” Yoongi asks as he scrolls through Netflix for the third time.

“Yeah, there’s a meteor shower on the night of our anniversary. We’re going to pack some food and head to the river to watch it, and I’m going to ask her then.”

Yoongi snorts. “Oh yeah, I forgot that you’re both nerds.” He dodges the throw pillow that Namjoon hurls at him. “So, just tell her when you propose.”

“Why, so she can tell me to go to fuck off and reject me?”

“Namjoon, I highly doubt she’ll do that. I’ve known Y/n since high school, and you’re the only person that she’s been with that she’s ever been in love with. Like genuine love.”

“Yeah, but you know her temper. Love or not, her anger knows no bounds.” Yoongi agrees, a memory of a time when he accidentally ate some of your leftover food coming to mind, and you made sure he suffered for a week straight after.

“Well, your anniversary is in like a week and a half, so you better figure it out. It may make her mad, but I truly think she loves you too much to leave you.”

Namjoon does his best to keep that in mind as the week goes on.

With your anniversary being on Sunday, you and Namjoon take Friday off of work so you can have a three day weekend together. Determined to pamper you before he tells you the truth, he takes you to one of your favorite restaurants for brunch to start the day.

As he’s holding the door open for you, a slender, dark-haired woman breezes past you and waltzes into the cafe, succeeding in cutting you both off and getting in line before you. The expression on your face already tells Namjoon how this interaction will go.

“You know what’s rude,” you say once you’re both in line behind the woman. You’re speaking loud enough for her to hear but not loud enough to cause a scene. “Seeing someone who’s clearly holding a door open for the person they’re with and just inserting yourself in the way.”

“Y/n…” Namjoon starts. Normally he loves your fiery, no-nonsense attitude, but he’s always telling you there’s a time and place for everything. His gut is telling him this is not one of the times.

“I’m just saying. To cut someone off who’s about to go into a building is just a really dick move.”

The woman in front of you whips her head around, her sharp eyes are staring you down, but of course, you are unwavering. She’s wearing dress pants and an expensive-looking blouse. She has a name tag on a lanyard around her neck that reads ‘Seulgi.’

“Is there a problem?” Annoyance clear in her tone.

“Yeah, there is. My boyfriend was holding the door open for me, and you just rudely cut us off to come inside.” The woman eyes you up and down.

“Oh well. I’m sure you can survive without your waffles for a little longer,” she shrugs and turns away from the two of you. Namjoon watches your jaw clench.

“Wow, what a bitch,” you mumble, knowing fully well she can hear you. Seulgi turns again, scowling at you.

“Watch who you’re talking to, girl. I could snap my fingers right now, and your mouth would disappear.”

You let out a sharp laugh and glance towards Namjoon. “Oh, great! This bitch is a witch!” You turn back to the witch, hands on your hips. “You magic losers think you can get away with whatever you want to just because you can wave your stupid fingers and make shit happen. I’m not afraid of you just because you were born different.”

The witch’s eyes dart from you to Namjoon. Her gaze lingers on him longer than normal and what looks like realization shows on her face. She lets out a chuckle. “So you hate witches and magical people, huh? That’s unfortunate because you’re going to need to find someone to cure you.”

“What the fuck are y-” Seulgi brings her hands up and waves her index and middle finger in one swift side-to-side motion before Namjoon can even intervene. You stumble backward, and Namjoon catches you before you hit the ground. You’re coughing, sounding winded even though you had been standing still. “What did you do to me?” You manage to rasp out between coughs.

Seulgi shrugs. “You seem like you talk a lot. Maybe a little too much. Let’s just say I gave you laryngitis, except it’ll be permanent unless you know someone who can break the spell. You have until midnight in two days' time.” The witch looks directly at Namjoon as she says this, smiling the entire time.  “Good luck!” She calls out as she steps over you and prances out the door.

On the list of ways Namjoon wanted to tell you he was a warlock, this was not on it whatsoever.

Less than an hour later, you and Namjoon are standing in front of Yoongi’s building, your fist pounding on the wood. The bleary-eyed vampire answers the door, clearly having been woken up from one of his mid-day naps. You wordlessly step into the apartment and plop onto the couch.

“Sure, hi Y/n, yes, please come in,” Yoongi mumbles under his breath and invites Namjoon inside. “To what do I owe this wonderful pleasure today?” You ignore the sarcasm in his sentence.

“I’m cursed!”

“Cursed?”

“Yes! We were getting brunch, and some asshole witch cut in front of us. I called her out, and the bitch cursed me! She said I need to find someone who knows magic to lift the spell or whatever in two days by midnight or I’ll never be able to speak again.” You manage to get this out in between coughs.

Namjoon ignores the pointed look that Yoongi gives him.

“So, you want me to ask one of my magic friends to break the spell?”

“Obviously. You’re the only supernatural person in town that I know well enough to ask. I’d ask my family, but there’s no way I can scrounge up enough money in two days to fly home.”

Yoongi stares at Namjoon, making the younger man uncomfortable, but doesn’t say anything.

“Fine. I’ll call someone I know, and you can meet up with him. Namjoon, come with me and get your girlfriend some water.”

Yoongi turns on the tap, and as soon as Namjoon enters the room, he sighs quite tiredly. “Are you seriously going to make me find someone else to do this?”

“This isn’t how I wanted to tell her! I wanted to do it on my own time and in a nicer situation than this.”

“Yeah, well, fate works in mysterious ways, huh?” Yoongi grabs a glass and fills it with ice. “You know how to break the spell, don’t you?”

“I mean, yeah. I may not have known the words the witch said, but it seems like a pretty simple silencing spell.”

“So, I will ask you again. Are you going to make me find someone to help your girlfriend, or are you going to go in there and help her yourself?” He hands Namjoon the glass of water and waits for his response.

“I just need a little more time-” Yoongi lifts his hand to stop him.

“That’s all I need from you. I already know who to call.”

His words worry Namjoon.

The next day, you and Namjoon arrive at the door of the person Yoongi asked to help you. Namjoon had known the tone that Yoongi took with him was concerning, and he was right.

“Come in, come in!” Seokjin waves his arm, letting you and Namjoon into his apartment. The older warlock winks at you, and Namjoon bristles.

Even after knowing Seokjin as long as he’s known you, Namjoon still doesn’t like him very much. According to Yoongi, Seokjin has been trying to get with you since your junior year of college, and it almost worked twice, but things fell through thanks to your refusal to date a magical person. Namjoon can admit that he’s the jealous type. The thought of another man wooing you makes his blood boil. Seokjin’s flirty enough that not even the object of his affection’s significant other being in the room will deter him. He’s shameless, and every time they’re in the same place, Namjoon comes closer and closer to turning him into a reptile.

“Y/n, you’re looking as beautiful as ever,” he practically purrs at you. “Namjoon, you’re looking…as you usually do.” Seokjin has never been rude per se, but nearly everything he says to Namjoon is passive-aggressive, which drives the younger warlock mad.

“Yeah, you too.”

“Anyway,” you interject with a cough. “I assume Yoongi told you why I’m here.”

“He did. I can’t believe you pissed off a witch so bad that she’s taking your voice away. I’ve always told you that one day your mouth would get you in trouble.” Seokjin’s eyes flick down to your lips, and Namjoon has to hold himself back from leaping across the room at him.

“I don’t wanna hear it, Kim. Can you break the spell or not?”

“Of course, I can. How many times have I told you that I’m the greatest warlock of the 21st century.” He shoots Namjoon a look. Seokjin had found out that Namjoon was a warlock a few years ago and always seemed like he was silently holding it over his head.

Seokjin motions for you and Namjoon to follow him into his second bedroom that he has made into his magic room. He walks past his bubbling cauldron to one of his bookshelves. He slides his fingers across a few of the spines before pulling out a book and rifling through its pages.

“Ah-ha! The spell she put on you is pretty amateur. She's either a new witch or a supremely lazy one. I mean, this is a spell that a baby witch could cast and-”

“Seokjin!” you wheeze. “I don’t care if this is a spell that only Merlin himself could cast. I just need you to fix me!”

“Alright, alright. I need to gather a few ingredients for a potion first. If the two of you would please go wait in the living room, I’ll be with you shortly.”

You and Namjoon do as he asks and go to wait on his couch. You play on your phone as Namjoon has his umpteenth tortured inner monologue. Your anniversary was tomorrow and he was still nowhere close to telling you about himself. To be fair, you did know that Seokjin was a warlock and you didn’t completely hate him. You just didn’t like to hang out with him unless you had to, and usually, the two of you spent most of your time together arguing.

Maybe Yoongi was right, and he was just overthinking this. The time that the two of you have spent together has been the best moments of his life, and he was sure you felt the same. But if that was true, why did he feel so uncertain? Why was the thought of telling you he has been keeping this massive secret from you for five years scaring him so much?

“So, good news and bad news,” Seokjin announces, coming into the room. “The good news is, I can break this nasty spell.”

“And the bad news?” You ask.

“Well, I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it until tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?! I’m supposed to lose my voice for the rest of my life tomorrow!” You yell at him which sends you into a coughing fit. Namjoon rubs your back and meets Seokjin’s gaze. He hates the smug look the older warlock gives him.

“You’re not to lose your voice until midnight. I’ll do what I need to do before then. Your lovely boyfriend and I can organize where we’ll meet up.”

Namjoon is confused. “We’re not coming here?”

“No, this needs to be done elsewhere. I’ll text you a little later once I finish getting the things together that I need.”

He’s hesitant, but Namjoon agrees, and he and you head home. A week ago, he was looking forward to his anniversary, but now he’s dreading it and just wants the day to be over already.

“This is all my fault,” Namjoon blurts out in the car. The two of you are on your way to meet Seokjin at the location he insisted upon, a part of town that was almost atop a hill. According to the eldest, you needed to be outside and away from “prying eyes.” It sounded like a lie, but Seokjin was older, so Namjoon thought he might know a different way to break the spell.

“What do you mean?” You glance from the road to him briefly, then back in front of you again.

“We’re spending our anniversary with you under a spell, we have no starlight picnic packed, and I have to look at Kim Seokjin’s face.”

“Joonie, this isn’t your fault. You didn’t do this to me. I suppose I do have a big mouth sometimes.” You shrug and find his hand on the center console to hold. “This can still be an anniversary date, though. Once Seokjin does what he needs to do, we can send him home and enjoy the meteor shower together. Plus, when you were showering, I snuck the picnic basket in the car. We can still salvage the night.” You parked the car and sent him a smile that had his heart beating so loud he swore it echoed throughout the cabin of the vehicle.

He leans over and kisses you for the first time today, his heart pounding impossibly faster. He decides then and there that he’s going to propose to you tonight no matter what. If it means hiding his magic from you until you’re old and gray, then he will.

Hand in hand, you and Namjoon head up the path closest to you until you see Seokjin in the clearing. He’s crouching on the ground in front of a leather satchel and reading through a book. When he sees you and Namjoon approaching, he puts the book away and pulls out a mason jar filled halfway with a glowing purple liquid.

“Good evening, my darling.” Seokjin smiles broadly at you when he sees you. “I hope your day was marvelous.”

“It’s my anniversary, and I spent all day stressing and hacking my lungs up, and now, instead of having a romantic evening, I’m here about to be exorcised. Does anything about that sound marvelous?” You got through the sentence, only coughing three times.

“My sweet Y/n, you’re so dramatic. Let’s get on with it then, come on.” Seokjin waves both you and Namjoon over, presenting the bottle of liquid to you. “So, the removal of the spell itself is pretty easy. Step one is to drink the potion, and then we wait two minutes. I’ll set a timer and-” Before he finishes his sentence, you toss your head back and gulp down the purple liquid in record time. Seokjin fumbles with his phone to set his timer as soon as the last drop is in your mouth.

“This tastes kind of like grape juice,” you comment, handing him the empty bottle.

“Patience, woman! What if the next step required traveling somewhere far away?!”

“Well, does it?”

“No…”

“Great, so what do we do next?”

Seokjin sighs and glances at his phone timer. “Once the timer is up, Well, your boyfriend isn’t going to like this, but I have to kiss you.“

“What?!” You and Namjoon exclaim in unison, your voices bouncing off the surrounding trees.

“Why the hell do you have to kiss her?” Namjoon feels his fists clenching, and his face hurts from how hard he’s scowling.

“It’s the way to break the spell. After she drinks the potion, which does most of the work, she then has to kiss a witch or warlock for it to take effect.”

“Ugh, I feel like this is your way of finally kissing me,” you groan. “Fine, whatever, as long as I get to keep my voice.”

“Y/n, no.” Namjoon’s sweating in the middle of the crisp fall air at the thought. This had to be some sort of joke, right? He racks his brain to remember what he learned about this spell in high school. He remembers that he has to say a generic counterspell to break it, but he doesn’t recall any glowing purple potion and a kiss.

“Joonie, it’s just a kiss. I don’t like it either, but unless you find my voice that annoying, we’re out of options here.”

“Ten seconds,” Seokjin reads. Namjoon watches the older warlock lick his lips and send him a wink. While he was typically a pacifist in a situation of confrontation, the overwhelming urge to punch Seokjin with all of the strength he can muster is strong.

He watches you let out a sigh and step closer to Seokjin, tilting your head up towards him.

“Times up,” Seokjin says.

Before he’s able to lean down, Namjoon is behind you, pulling you towards him and smashing his lips into yours. He feels you relax in his arms only for a second before you’re pushing him away.

“Namjoon, you ruined it! Seokjin specifically said someone who’s magical needs to be the one to kiss me!”

“I am someone magical! I’m a warlock!”

Silence fills the air. Namjoon’s breathing hard, his heart feeling as though it’s going to beat out of his chest. You’re staring at him, and he can see your brain trying to make sense of what he just said.

“You’re a warlock?” You finally ask, your brows scrunching.

“Fuck, Y/n, this isn’t how I wanted to tell you.” Namjoon’s legs feel like jelly, so he lowers himself to the grass and sits. “I wanted to find a time where it was just the two of us, and we weren’t fighting a clock. I wanted to be able to tell you and not feel so scared, but I just, the idea of him putting his mouth on you and being the one to break this damned spell, made me so mad.”

“I…I don’t know what to say.” You don’t look as angry as he thought you would. You look confused more than anything. “We went through all of this when you could’ve helped me this whole time?”

Guilt that he felt about not telling you combined with the fact that yes, all of this could’ve been taken care of literally the same day you met the witch that started this all. “Y/n, I know you probably hate me right now, and you probably want nothing to do with me ever again, but please just know I love you more than anything. I love you more than anyone I’ve ever been with. You’re my soulmate and the love of my life. The idea of telling you that I’m magical, knowing how you feel about magic, scared me shitless.

“The idea of losing you was too much to bear. I wanted to propose to you tonight before all of this happened, but all I could replay in my mind was you throwing the ring at me and storming off after I told you the truth. I’m sorry I ruined our anniversary.” Namjoon stays sitting on the wet grass, not caring that it was soaking through his jeans. He can’t will himself to look up at you, fearing the rejection he feels coming.

He catches sight of your sneakers walking over and stopping in front of him before you’re crouching down and cupping his face. The sound of you sniffling has his eyes snapping up to meet your red-rimmed ones. “Joon, I love you so much. The fact that you would even think that I’d leave you after all the time we’ve been together and everything we’ve been through is stupid. Yeah, I’ve never much-liked magic, but you should know that I love you more than life itself.” You smile at him, and he feels his breath catch in his throat. You still love him.

“Right now, more than anything, I’m just pissed that we went on this entire adventure when you could’ve just saved us the trouble and broke the spell days ago. But I love you more than I dislike magic. And if that offer still stands, I’d love to be engaged to you. If you want.”

Namjoon grabs you then, wrapping you in his long arms and pulling you close to his chest. The two of you topple onto the soft grass, the smell of soil mixing with the familiar scent of you. He fishes the small, black velvet box out of his jacket pocket and slips the simple silver band with an amethyst stone onto your ring finger, kissing your hand once it was snug in place.

“I can’t tell you how relieved I am right now. I love you so much,” he whispers, kissing your forehead.

“I really do hate to interrupt,” Seokjin cuts in from the same spot he’s stood in since Namjoon pulled you from him. “But, you still need to break the spell.”

“What do you mean? Didn’t I do that already?”

“Well, not really. The kiss isn’t the thing that was supposed to break it. There’s a counterspell you need to recite.”

“But, I’ve stopped coughing,” you point out.

“That’s because the potion you drank stopped it. I figured I’d give you something to lessen the soreness in your throat, maybe, but you still have like three hours left before your voice is gone for good.” Seokjin forces a smile that neither you nor Namjoon return.

“So what the hell was all that kiss nonsense for?” Namjoon huffs out, standing up and advancing towards Seokjin.

“It was to get you to tell her you were a warlock! Yoongi said if I made up the whole kiss thing, it’d get you mad enough to admit it, and I mean it worked, didn’t it?”

Yoongi. He set this whole thing up to get Namjoon to tell you the truth. “You mean to tell me that Yoongi got a witch to curse Y/n, just to get you involved to make me jealous so that I’d confess?”

“He only organized the latter part of all this. This whole spell thing was all because of Y/n’s smart mouth.” Namjoon sees you flip off Seokjin in his peripheral.

“Joon, we can go curse out Yoongi later, but can you please break this spell? I’m seriously stressing over here.”

Namjoon makes a mental note to pay Yoongi a not so friendly visit later and makes his way back over to you. He has you close your eyes while he recalls the right counterspell to make everything go back to normal. He murmurs under his breath, hovering his hand over your throat, and his fingers tingle as the words leave his mouth. As quickly as he begins, he’s done and lowering his hand.

You open your eyes and clear your throat a few times. “How do I know if it worked?”

“It worked.”

“Yeah, but how will I know?”

“If you wake up tomorrow morning and speak, then you’ll know it worked.” You frown at him and glance up at the sky.

“We seriously need to talk about all the things you can do later, but for now, I really just want to watch the meteor shower and actually finish what’s supposed to be a romantic anniversary date.”

“We can do that.”

From there, you head to the car to get the dinner you packed, and Namjoon tells Seokjin he can leave. He asks the older warlock to let Yoongi know to expect a visit from him tomorrow that won’t just be to hang out.

Once Seokjin’s gone, and you’ve spread out the spare blanket you keep in your car, Namjoon relaxes as you lean against him, feeding him parts of the sandwiches you made. While this may not have been the ideal way he planned for anything that transpired to happen, all that matters is that you still love him, and he gets to watch the way the meteors flying above glisten off of the ring on your finger.

The next morning, you’re able to confirm that Namjoon was, in fact, able to break the spell that the witch had cast onto you. You still have your voice, and you’re able to give Yoongi an earful about not telling you his best friend was a warlock when he first introduced you while simultaneously thanking him for introducing the two of you. The vampire tiredly took the verbal assault after you and Namjoon had barged into his apartment early in the morning.

As Namjoon watches you threaten to shove a clove of garlic up Yoongi’s ass if he ever lies to you again, he knows that asking you to become his wife is the best decision he’s ever made in his life.

2nd A/N: Fun fact, this started out as a different fic that I wrote the beginning and end of, but then my brain couldn’t function for the middle so I wrote it all over again. The original version of this will probably still be finished in the future, who knows when. Also, as a disclaimer, I am in love with Seulgi. The idea of her as a sassy witch? Chef’s kiss!!! Anyway, hope everyone enjoyed it!

[smalldumbpigeon]

Chisei about: High Patriarch + Chime

Some context on the Manhua: Chisei, after returning from the Mariana Trench mission and unable to find the Cassel team, he returns to Hydra. Masamune appoints him High Patriarch without prior notice. 

You can read my translation (((here!))) Disclaimer, I don’t speak the language but I did my absolute best to translate it clearly!! :,) 

I think that the game really hurts Chisei’s image in the eyes of the player, most people write him off quickly. Part of this is because we don’t get to see his perspective all too often, we view him from the trio’s eyes and Chime’s eyes. “That asshole who betrayed me!”. MC is often seen trailing Chisei just because certain scenes he did without the Cassel team. Execution of Akira Sakurai was a side job before meeting with the Cassel Team, elimination of Kogure Sakurai + two other devils was a whole operation post Mariana Trench. and if I recall correctly we don’t hear his inner thoughts until much later. But in the Manhua we’re always hearing his perspective because he’s a POV character. 

Hydra: Why the hell did they betray us? 

the game imo, fails to communicate this properly. Masamune says he wanted to get rid of us, but why? I literally could not tell you, only thing I could think of was he knows MC KNOWS things and wanted to bury his past. In the Manhua he explains to Chisei that the decision was influenced by the fear of Cassel catching wind of their heritage: All families in Hydra are descendants of the Light King, but according to the rules they buy all means are Devils. Hypocritical when you consider HYDRA’S treatment of Devils, but that’s another topic. This explanation is short and to the point. In game there’s mostly facts scattered around and if you don’t pay attention you could miss it. I recall Nono saying the Japan Division is secretive, Chisei’s panic trying to get the trio to not interact with Erii, in the mural hall where Caesar and Johann discover that young chief Chisei is the Emperor Hybrid. In game it’s just not made very clear what was going on, so understandably people were pretty confused. 

Why did Chisei go back on his word? Ok so.. That’s a question for the Mariana Trench post. But you can see in these pages he’s very against the idea of killing the Cassel Team, he didn’t even know Hydra was going to turn against the college. In game he even says things like “I wish.. we could have been friends.” “what do I say to them?”. basically a lot of things where he just desperately wants to have friends. So more on that in that post :^)  

Chisei: about why he wants to get away from the Hydras

In game, Chisei’s Ally chats are what reveals many of these thoughts. I think a really significant one is his first journal entry, “Every little part of that palace reminds me of a reality I’d rather forget- “You’re a sovereign, Amateratsu-blessed young master, heir to the High Patriarch, but you’re not Chisei Gen himself.”

We know that he’d rather be selling sunscreen on a beach. In the Main Story we don’t directly hear about what he did to Chime. However in the ally chat: Meteor Shower he briefly talks about it. 

While I like this use of ally chats it makes me sad because I totally wrote him off and refused to interact with him until I learnt more about Chisei. This conversation feels integral to understanding him and why he does what he does. The manhua makes it clear that he has a lot of leftover guilt from killing Chime, above all the worst thing he’s ever had to do. 

Through out the Manhua Chisei either briefly thinks about or mentions Chime. Notably, in the chapter I’m talking about, once when he sees Kogure Sakurai and again at the hall of murals when he stabs himself to kill a Death servitor. I can see he thinks of Chime in game but it’s not as blatantly obvious. Subtle things like “Some one once told me that.” “I too, wanted to be on the side of justice...” 

There’s not as much to say about this one since a “scene” doesn’t exist in game. But let me tell you, Mariana Trench and Hall of Murals fight were done SooooOOoo o dirty. I guess my final thoughts on this is that:

It was a scene I really wish remained in the game’s adaptation, it exists- but as fragments scattered across chats, moments and journal entries. It’s fun to learn, but also admittedly, a good tactic to keep players who like the characters interested. But as a side effect it makes people feel confused about the game’s story, and now that I'd pieced things together I... really like the story even if it absolutely breaks my heart. So it upsets me knowing that the game will probably be everyone’s first exposure to the story... Manhua is better but I like playing the game bc I get to interact with these characters.

_____________ I’m going to do Mariana Trench next, I just think it’s a good read and will provide more context for Hall of Murals when I get to that. But it’s certainly going to take a great deal longer, but 100% worth it because I love Chisei more now lol.

[returnofahsoka]

kam i want to see that powerpoint about your favorite clones so bad ngl 😭 that sounds amazing

omggg sari

the powerpoint doesn't exist, it was a joke O.O

BUT i will absolutely take this as an opportunity to talk about my fave clones because goddamn i love them so so so so much

(please, i need you to read dominoes by meridianpony on ao3. like, it's the best sw fic i ever read. it's a timetravel fix-it and the best part is that all of domino squad are together!!!! they don't die on rishi and they get to be in the 501st!!!!!!!)

anyways, domino squad. FIVES. i know we all love fives but boy sometimes i'm overcome by emotions because of how GOOD he is. he's brave, so so so brave and chaotic and funny and bless his soul, he can't lie for the life of him. and he just loves his friends so much??? echo, of course, but after he loses him, fives goes out and adopts a bunch of new friends (tup tup tup omg) and he just loves them SO FIERCELY AND WITH ALL HIS HEART ANd god i just love fives a lot and i can't think about the way he died without tearing up (the way rex begs him to stay..... my heart can't can't can't take it)

then of course of course there's echo THAT NERD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. the way he's just a big ball of anxiety in the beginning (the reason for his name.... i can't) and then he's somehow the exasperated friend who carries the sole braincell, all the while managing to stay just as chaotic as fives. Big Love. and now he's the tired mom friend of the bad batch??? love to see it. but also. he did not deserve That. please please please at least show him *heal* from all the trauma

and don't think i'm done with domino squad, no. i can and i will talk about the characters who only lived for two episodes. i know i know i've been reading too much fix-it fics but listen!! hevy!!!!!! he's GOOD. he's the one who kept them together on the exam and then he DIED for his brothers and i can't deal with it. he just tries his best, okay?? also he's funny as heck ("oooh meteor shower") and cutup????? the way he gets his name???? the pure sass???? i just love everything about him?????? also in dominoes, he's ahsoka tano's number one fan and honestly that's a mood. aND DROIDBAIT. CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED. BEST BOY. ('human form of sunshine who's fought So Hard to stay optimistic' is the only characterization i accept for him no i don't accept criticism) hate that he was the first one to die, he should be protected as everyone's designated little brother. i just..... love him so so so much. he also probably gives great hugs.

speaking of designated little brothers, i can't get over how rex saw fives and echo who were so young, who where the only ones to survive rishi, who lost three of their squadmates in one day, asked "is anyone gonna adopt these two?" and then did not wait for an answer. KING. i love rex, i love how much he CARES and how much he LOVES HIS MEN HIS FRIENDS HIS BROTHERS. also his dynamic with his two chaotic jedi is just *everything* and somehow literally everything he does is iconic (impersonating a droid, killing that slaver asshole without a blink of an eye, covering for his stupid general calling his secret wife AND standing up to motherfcking krell. he just DOES IT ALL) his character arc is one of the best things that ever happened to star wars and goddamn i can't wait to finally fucking see him show up in the bad batch, all while fully knowing it will be heartbreaking to see him try to deal with all that survivor's guilt

honorary mention to the chaotic trio of the 501st, jesse, kix and hardcase because fuck i love them so much, to waxer and boil for being just the Best, to cut lawquane dad of the year and of course to the bad batch!!! i love those four even if they have no braincells AT ALL (not even tech xdd)

thank you so much for sending this ask sarah, you gave me a perfect excuse to just go off

[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian one-shot “Standing on the Brink” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Kurt and Sebastian go to their special spot on the beach one last time to watch a once-in-a-lifetime event. (1687 words)

Notes: Written for the @kurtoberfest prompt ‘Apocalypse’ and inspired by a scene from the movie “Deep Impact” (though I would ask that if you haven’t watched that movie that you read this first so nothing is given away). I am re-writing this for another pairing and thought to freshen this one up a bit and repost it :) Warning for themes consistent with the end of the world - angst, anxiety, etc.

Read on AO3.

“Come on, Kurt!” Sebastian calls. “You’re going to make us late!”

Kurt ignores him, obsessively double-checking the door, pulling on the knob to make sure it’s locked up tight. Kurt takes a step back towards the stairs, then changes his mind and reaches for the knob again. He's reminded of the first night they spent at the beach house. They had just closed escrow, and Kurt couldn’t believe it was really theirs. They didn’t have a lick of furniture in the place and the electricity needed to be switched on. They had no clean water, which forced them to buy gallon bottles from a market a mile down the road, but Kurt insisted they spend the night. And Sebastian caved.

It helped that there was a Hilton nearby in case they absolutely couldn’t hack it.

Kurt had always wanted a beach house. It was one of his lifelong dreams. He’d even put it on his bucket list. Theirs wasn’t one of the biggest or more stylish houses on this stretch of the Atlantic Coast, but that didn’t matter. It was the first thing they bought together – not something Sebastian simply bought for him.

If Kurt stands quietly, he can pretend he’s back there, with his hand on the doorknob, waiting for that first twist, ready for an adventure to begin.

Not waiting to see one end.

“I don’t know why you’re bothering with the locks, babe,” Sebastian says, changing the scenery with those few words. “We’re not coming back.”

Kurt drops his head, his hand holding firm to the doorknob, reluctant to let go.

“But … but what if they’re wrong?” Kurt reasons, his eyes shut, blocking out the light growing at his back.

Sebastian glances up at the comet streaking across the sky – a ball of blinding white lighting up the night. He smiles, amused at how hard Kurt is trying to ignore the inevitable. 

But can Sebastian really blame him?

“Pretty sure they’re not wrong, babe.”

Kurt nods, eyes still squeezed shut. Sebastian climbs the steps to the porch. He puts a hand on Kurt’s shoulder and massages gently. Kurt lets go of the doorknob to take it.

“I wanted to hide under the covers,” Kurt says, wiping a tear from his cheek. “I wanted to make love until we fell asleep in each other's arms. I wanted to be blissfully unconscious when it all ended. No fear. No pain. Just us and our dreams, with hope for tomorrow. Isn’t that how you’d rather tonight be?”

“I thought I did. But this is the end of the world, babe. Literally, a once-in-a-lifetime event!” Sebastian tugs Kurt’s hand, leading him off the porch and away from their sanctuary. “Don’t you want a front-row seat for the show?”

“Not particularly, no.” Kurt clutches hard to his bitterness so he doesn’t break down.

“The weather guy on channel three says it’s going to be spectacular. The sky is clear. There’s not going to be a single cloud to obscure …”

“Jesus Christ! This isn’t a fucking meteor shower, Sebastian!” Kurt snaps, pulling his hand out of Sebastian’s grasp and wrapping his arms around himself. He needs this! Not an asshole fiance morbidly excited to watch the world end! He needs to be held! And if Sebastian isn’t going to do it, then Kurt is going to have to. But no matter how tight he holds himself, he can’t stop shaking.

“I know,” Sebastian says quietly, stopping in the path to take Kurt in his arms. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just trying to … this is how I deal with the heavy stuff.”

“I know.” Kurt leans his forehead against Sebastian’s shoulder. “It just … makes me think about all the stuff we didn’t do yet. The stuff we'll never do.”

“Like what?” Sebastian gives Kurt a second, but they’re running out of time. There’s someplace they both decided to be when that comet hits – the spot of their first kiss. And if they don’t keep walking now, they’ll never make it. This isn’t on Kurt’s bucket list – watch the world end from their special spot on the beach. But it’s the last thing they’re ever going to get to cross off. 

They had better make it.

“Like what?” Sebastian repeats when Kurt doesn’t answer, pulling at his hand to get him walking again.

Kurt starts moving, a sob lodging in his throat. “L-like make a Baked Alaska."

Sebastian squeezes Kurt’s hand. It’s such a simple thing, but it’s so like Kurt.

“I never took that zero-gravity flight I was planning,” Sebastian adds.

“You didn’t help me join the mile high club.” Kurt chuckles, gazing off at the water in the direction they’re headed.

“We should have made love on the Cliffs of Dover,” Sebastian says with a sigh.

Kurt turns from the water, reflecting the comet like a second sunrise, and looks at Sebastian.

“But … we did that,” Kurt reminds him, pulling closer as the wind picks up unexpectedly, the ball of light in the sky moving steadily lower.

“I know.” Sebastian wraps an arm around Kurt’s shoulders, rubbing his arm to chase the chill from his body. “I wanted to do that again. It was amazing.”

Kurt laughs, and Sebastian joins in. They casually recount the memory of that vacation to England, how they froze their asses off in an attempt at being wild and spontaneous, ending with Sebastian getting bitten on the ass by a sheep. But as soon as they reach the crest of the sand dunes and see the beach glowing with an unearthly light, they fall into a solemn silence. 

They follow a well-worn path down the beach with the sound of fire in their ears - a distant snapping and popping like a fireplace burning in another room.

Like the fireplace back in the living room of their beach house, where they so often sat and slept and made love.

The comet has nearly reached the water when they come to a stop, far enough from the coastline that the encroaching tide retreats long before it ever reaches their feet.

Kurt turns to face Sebastian, half his face in shadow, the other half lit so brightly he looks ten years younger – the same age they were on the day they first met.

“If you had it all to do again,” Kurt asks, “would you …?”

Sebastian nods before Kurt has the chance to finish. “I’d do it the same way. Every bit of it. The good and the bad."

"Really," Kurt says dryly. "So ... the insults, the blackmail, the trying to steal my boyfriend every five seconds - you'd keep all that in if we got to live life over again?"

"Yes," Sebastian replies, nodding emphatically.

"Dare I ask why?"

"Because it led us here," Sebastian says, frowning after the words leave his mouth. "Not the-end-of-the-world here. I think we can both agree that we could do without. But it brought us together. Made us into a couple that loves one another, heart and soul. I wouldn't want to chance doing anything that might mess that up. Because now that I know what life is like with you ... I can't imagine living life without you."

"I guess that makes sense," Kurt says.

"And you?” Sebastian asks.

Kurt gazes at Sebastian thoughtfully, then bursts out in nervous laughter.

“Oh, God, no!” Kurt laughs harder when Sebastian’s sentimental smile falls. “I wouldn't change anything huge. I just mean I would have told you off way more. I would have sprayed you with cologne every time I saw you to cover up that foul stink you were addicted to. I would have gotten you drunk and done something about your awful hair ...”

“Nice, Kurt.” Sebastian huffs. "Real …”

Kurt’s lips kissing his shut Sebastian up. Kurt aims for fun, light, carefree with this kiss. He doesn’t want this kiss to be significant in any way. He wants it to feel like any other kiss. But it can’t be helped. There are forces beyond their control moving things along quicker with every passing second. Kurt might want this to feel like any other kiss, but what it really feels like is their last.

“I would have told you I loved you,” Kurt says, putting a hand to Sebastian’s cheek, “much, much sooner.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees, leaning in to Kurt’s touch. “I would have done that, too.”

The comet streaking across the sky finally hits the water, further out than it appears from the beach. A ripple of energy spreads down the horizon, pushing Kurt and Sebastian back a few feet, almost knocking them to the sand, followed by a boom so loud it makes Kurt’s ears ring. A flash of white floods the sky. The ground beneath their feet quakes. The Atlantic sweeps out, sucked so far back that what was once miles of water is now miles of sand. 

And somewhere on the other side of the world, a wall of water rises.

“Sebastian!” Kurt yells over the ringing in his ears, his voice shaking. “This isn’t right! Your family … you had a bunker. You had … you had a seat on the plane to the fallout shelter at Greenbrier! With the President, for fuck’s sake!”

Sebastian shakes his head. “They wouldn’t take you. We tried …”

“You ...” Kurt’s eyes dart to the water rising higher and higher as it rushes to the shore “... you shouldn’t be here!”

Sebastian wraps an arm around Kurt’s waist. He puts a finger beneath Kurt’s chin, bringing his attention back from the vision of death racing towards them and up to his eyes.

“Kurt …” Sebastian pauses a second. He wants to remember this image of Kurt – his fiery-tempered, excessively talented, singularly gorgeous fiancé - at this moment, bathed in pure white light, for as long as it lasts. “I’m right where I want to be.”

Kurt shakes his head weakly. “Sebastian, I’m …”

Sebastian’s arm tightens around Kurt’s waist. Before Kurt can finish his apology, their lips touch ...

... and the wave hits.

[theliterarywolf]

Decided to try watching Over the Moon late last night, so I’m jotting down some thoughts here.

First and foremost... Could they have made it anymore obvious that Fei Fei’s mom was going to die. I know we’ve all become jaded to ‘Incoming Get-the-Bitch-Out-of-the-Way-itis’ but this was some BLATANT Get-the-Bitch-Out-of-the-Way-itis.

When I was younger I would have probably said that Fei Fei’s reaction to -- oh God, what was Ba Ba’s new girlfriend’s name again? Zhong? Oh, who the fuck cares? -- was unfair. Now, having so much developmental psych rammed down my throat as well as having been in the shoes and seen various cases of ‘parent bringing in a new partner’, I have to say that Ba Ba handled this shit in the worst way. ‘Oh, it’s been 4 years and Fei Fei needs to grow up’. Four years or forty, you need to make sure your child is comfortable with the idea of bringing a new parent into the picture as well as has a proper hold on their grief before you just up and bring in a new SO.

And the rest is going behind a Read More for spoilers sake.

Hi, asshole relatives are assholes but I’m still more mad at Ba Ba

Fuck Chin, I hate this character

No, really, Fei Fei almost died because of this stupid piece of shit

I hate to say it, but Chang’e’s pop song is probably my ‘Could have maybe gone without this’ song of the movie.

Poor Jade Rabbit, that face was the face of ‘I LITERALLY never thought this day would come and now that it has, I am FUCKED’

Why are we making Fei Fei feel bad about not wanting the piece of shit that was literally forced into her life as a brother? Why are we making Fei Fei feel bad about not wanting the piece of shit that was literally forced into her life as a brother? Why are we --

Oh, I take back what I said about “Welcome to Lunaria”, the Ping Pong rap makes me want to commit ‘Toaster-Bath’

*Chang’e’s bitch-fit causes literal meteor-showers* Mm, I’ve been there, girl.

Okay, Gobi is making Chin look tolerable by comparison. I hate him.

Fei Fei... Come on, you can’t tell me that you didn’t look at the Angry Bird knockoff characters and know they would betray you.

Magical impromptu rabbit romance?

God, I fucking hate Gobi...

“She exiled you over a song? She’s nothing like Ma Ma said she would be...” Mm... To be fair, Fei Fei, Gobi is an unholy combination of Slimer and the Porcupine from the MLP: FiM movie. I would yeet the fucker out of my house as soon as possible too.

The Ping Pong rap is still the worst, but Gobi’s song fits the rest of this movie about as well as a round peg in a triangular mold, so... Yeah, I still agree with Chang’e yeeting this fucker out of her house.

Oh my GOD, why is this song still GOING?!

Did we really need this annoying space-snot to sing this dumb song so Fei Fei could cry?! Fuck off...

Okay, Chang’e singing in Mandarin was pretty impressive.

“Nobody likes annoying boys; they are the worst.” Gee, Gobi, could that be your subconscious SAYING SOMETHING?

Why are we making Fei Fei feel bad about not wanting the piece of shit that was literally forced into her life as a brother?

“You have to move on.” Oh, honey, you are the last person who has the right to say that.

Movie, you’re not going to make me like Chin.

Movie, you’re sure as hell not going to make me like Gobi.

You really made this poor girl give up her only friend so they could go get that Jade Rabbit dick?!

The relatives are still assholes and Ba Ba still handled incorporating the new relationship in a terrible way. I’m not relenting on that.

Overall, I’d give this movie a 7/10.

[basketballandtextbooks]

Speaking of analyses, what's your interpretation of Kenny? (I feel like he's the one character that really doesn't get talked about in the same manner as other characters. Sure, he gets praised often for being a good boi and there's discussions/theories of his curse, his homelife, sex... But as far as him as a WHOLE, as a person, I don't tend to see that a lot. I think that's why his fanon interpretations feel like a disconnection: He's quiet, his hood being down doesn't mean he'll "talk more")

To even begin delving into all of the aspects of Kenny’s personality, we’ll first have to divide up subsections to how he behaves in certain circumstances, ascertain his motives for doing so, and then finally combine all of that information into a cohesive assessment of his thoughts, feelings, and agendas. And as a bonus, I’d like to discuss how these traits would most likely change and develop over time.  All that said, I just really like his character so instead of doing all that fancy essay work, I’m just going to babble about him. We’ll start with what is both the most and least important aspect to Kenny; his relationship with death.

Death has haunted Kenny for his entire life so far as we, the viewers, are able to tell. The current in-series explanation for his ceaseless bouts of death involves his parents in a cthulhu cult before he was even born. The details here are vague, but the implication that leaves us with is that this is a lifelong affliction. Flashbacks as early as preschool support this theory as we’ve seen Kenny die in a firecracker accident back then. Kenny’s feelings towards death are made clear in several lines and yet more nonverbal cues. He’s scared of death. It’s painful and he hates it. Even knowing he’ll come back, or at least assuming he’ll come back, that doesn’t stop him from screaming, running, crying out, hiding, and outright declaring how painful and unpleasant he finds death. This at least tells us one thing about Kenny’s personality going forward that will be important to understanding further aspects: He hates pain. He’s had plenty of pain, pain beyond what a normal person could ever imagine, and he hates it. One conjecture we can make from this knowledge is he’s extremely unlikely to self-harm in a violent or painful way, such as cutting or punching himself. He has shown a brief interest in pain for sexual pleasure though, as seen with his stint of asphyxiation for masturbation. The attempt killed him but we never get a follow up on whether or not he found it enjoyable, therefore it can be read as either “Kenny enjoys pain for pleasure, specifically asphyxiation” or “Kenny tried pain for pleasure once and as it resulted in his death, he doesn’t want to do it again” or “Kenny will try anything sexual at least once”. Among these readings, the third is most likely the most accurate while the first two can be entirely up to the opinion of the interpreter. They have equal canonicity behind them.

His hatred of death and pain has led him to become bitter and angry towards the people around him on many occasions. For example, when Kyle was dying Kenny was incapable of feeling sympathy for Stan’s sadness over it when Stan was so consistently apathetic towards his own death. It’s clear that Kenny doesn’t want Kyle to die and cares about the well-being of all of his friends (sacrificing his life for them on many occasions) but it was particularly painful to listen to Stan talk about how sad he was that a friend of his was dying in the hospital. If we pay attention to the timeline, this happens before Kenny dies in the hospital and Stan refuses to visit him, which would solidify every feeling of resentment he felt when Stan was worried over Kyle. During that time, Stan had had no trouble visiting Kyle in the hospital so from Kenny’s perspective, Stan just didn’t care. Still, he clearly cares for Stan and his other friends which is why we hear the repeated “Where’s Stan?” that breaks our hearts every damn time. It’s worth noting that Kenny has a teddy bear in the hospital that is never seen before or since, it’s very likely a bear from the hospital gift shop given to him by one of his visitors. So either Chef, his parents, or Kyle bought him the bear. A personal favorite headcanon of mine is that Kevin stole the bear for him but there is absolutely no evidence to support that hypothesis. Logically the culprit is either Chef or Kyle, considering the McCormick’s money troubles, and it would be very in character of Sheila to insist he buy something for his friend at the gift shop. Another thing to note is that Kyle is the only one of his friends, aside from Cartman, who visits him in his hospital room. Butters sends a card and there are visible gifts that build over time. We know for a fact during the episode where Kyle was dying that the teacher would have the students make cards for a sick classmate, so the card and gifts are most likely a byproduct of that. It is worth noting that while Kenny was dying such a slow and painful death, Kyle was the only one who was able to stay at his side. Stan found it too painful to watch him die and Eric was off on his mission to ‘save’ Kenny. I believe this impacted the way Kenny viewed his friends in the future, distancing himself from Eric and opening up to Stan less and less. His relationship with Kyle remains dubious and the other kids in his class he keeps an emotional distance between.

One cannot address the issues of this episode without also delving into the issues regarding the length of his death and revival. It’s implicit in the show that Kenny has no idea how long he will be dead for, a few hours or a few years, and there is very little consistency in how he is revived. Most frequently he revives via a literal rebirth (one notable instance of this causing his mother to have a miscarriage), but he’s also had instances of reviving back into his own corpse or literally appearing out of thin air. This leads us to the explanation that he doesn’t know how long he’ll be dead, where he’ll go, or how he’ll revive. This loss of control in his life causes him to put a significant distance between himself and anyone he might care about, for fear that his condition would ruin any chances of maintaining the relationship.

This is especially apparent in his complicated relationship with Cartman (which we will address in more detail later). During his extended period of death, Cartman was the driving force in finding a ‘Kenny replacement’ and Kenny’s self-proclaimed BFF. Both Stan and Kyle joined these attempts cheerfully, but Cartman was the most determined. He tried with both Tweek and Butters, succeeding in finding a best friend in Butters and making Butters an on-again-off-again addition to the ‘main four’ while also maintaining a close (and complicated) friendship to Cartman. Butters was compared to Kenny on several occasions during this transition and showed both agitation and resentment over the comparison. Eventually putting Kenny up on a pedestal as someone ‘great’ because of all the times the guys assured him that “Kenny would do it if he were here”.

It’s worth noting that the two individuals within canon who clearly and canonically remember Kenny’s deaths are Cartman and Timmy. While an explanation for Timmy’s knowledge is still left up in the air, there are a few potential explanations for Cartman’s retained memories. One explanation that I normally prescribe to is that Cartman has Kenny’s eyes and by taking a body-part of Kenny’s, he can now see Kenny’s deaths. This explanation isn’t perfect, as Cartman showed signs of understanding Kenny’s condition prior to that episode, but its one potential explanation. Understanding his condition could have been a basis for the initial development of their friendship or it could have been a secret shared when they were still close that Eric was naïve enough to believe. Although, Eric’s understanding of Kenny’s condition could very easily be an explanation for his own apathy towards other people's deaths (like how he murdered Scott’s parents). Ever since he could remember, his best friend had died and come back, at the age of 8 or 9, how could he possibly have a complete understanding that Kenny’s case wasn’t normal. He could have very well expected Scott’s parents to return the next day the same way Kenny did. While it’s also possible he committed those murders knowing full well that their deaths were permanent, it is still hard to believe that he’d even be capable of taking death seriously after seeing Kenny die so many times.

Continuing further, Kenny’s fear of death does not make him cowardly, quite the contrary. Some stand out sacrifices that he made while scared would be during the meteor shower trilogy (he owed nothing to those people and still gave his life to protect them) and during the hunt for Eric’s parentage, sacrificing his life to save the hospital. He was scared both times and they were ultimately selfless acts. What makes them stand out even more though is how dependent his friends were on him during both instances. They had full and complete faith and trust that Kenny would save the day. Even without cognitively remembering Kenny’s condition, they still trust him with their lives and know he’s the sort of person who would save them.

It’s very likely that this is a reason that Kenny grew into a more and more protective person as the seasons go by, in a way this faith that he’d save them is some of the purest positive feedback he gets from his asshole friends. Whether intentional or not, there was a part of Kenny and his friends who viewed him as a protector above all else. These sorts of implicit expectations can really affect a person’s development. It is most likely due to a combo of this aforementioned expectation and Kenny’s growing cynicism about his own deaths, that he accepts the role so whole-heartedly.

Kenny has a strong association with drugs from early seasons, where rumors of him sniffing paint were prevalent and an instance of him snorting alien coke occurred. His hedonistic personality and inability to die seemingly leading him to believe that he was invincible. And therefore he doesn’t need to worry about the negative effects of recreational drug use. This all changed after the events of major boobage. It should be evidence alone that by the end of major boobage, all rumors about Kenny and drugs ended and he was never again referenced to indulge in recreational substances, especially considering their earlier prevalence, but the series goes even further to show us that he not only got clean, stayed clean, but has developed a dislike for recreational and addictive substances.

Kenny would never do recreational drugs of any kind as a teen or adult and he is unlikely to drink alcohol either. It is very likely he dislikes weed, meth, and beer in particular. Kenny exhibited addictive behavior during Major Boobage and he was addicted to cheesing. However at the end of Major Boobage, Kenny stated firmly that he did not want to be addicted, would quit immediately, and he decided firmly to avoid drugs henceforth. His entire character arc for the episode was learning that he did not like the recreational use of drugs. It’s interesting that the fans interpret this episode as proof he would do drugs considering the entire plot of the episode was about his character growth in that specific regard. It’s like watching an episode where Stan learns to accept his gay dog and saying he will always be homophobic and never change because he started the episode not accepting his gay dog. It’s boggling.

However it is worth noting that Kenny relapsed at the very end of the episode by 'getting high on life'. While this could be evidence that he’d ‘never’ get clean (again disregarding all other evidence to the contrary) but it actually shows something that is quite telling for his ability to stay sober. His friends were quick to help him and pull him back from it. This alludes to him continuing to have support from friends and family during recovery. Recovery is a hard and difficult thing that is nearly impossible without a support network. This is a shockingly optimistic moment when understood through the lens of how difficult it is to fight for sobriety.

However the evidence that Kenny has chosen to stay clean doesn’t stop there. Aside from all rumors about him sniffing paint and other implications dying down all together, we have an extremely telling scene with his parents in a later season. During the superhero trilogy Mysterion startles his parents while they are getting high (specifically on weed). His parents state, fearfully, that Mysterion has been threatening them to stay off drugs and attempt to hide the pot from him, knowing he wouldn’t approve. This is telling in a few ways but one that is significant is that Kenny hated his parents' use of drugs, including ‘harmless drugs’ such as marijuana so much that he would go as far as to threaten them. We very rarely see an outright aggressive or threatening Kenny and we almost never see him show any ill will towards his family. Kenny is shown over the course of the series to be very fond of his family. His hatred of recreational drug use would have to be quite intense for him to go as far as to threaten his parents. The implied subtext of this scene is that Kenny considered what they were doing to be an extremely bad thing. So bad that he would threaten people he loves enough to terrify them that badly. This shows that since the Major Boobage episode, Kenny's attitude towards drugs has definitely grown negative. Moreso, the threat of staying off drugs was paired with the threat to ‘treat their children better’, leaving the heavy implication that he views those two as linked.

Even further evidence provided for Kenny’s continued sobriety and dislike of recreational abuse of addictive substances. During The Poor Kid, when Kenny was out of options with his foster family, he resorted to providing them with alcohol. Showing that he firmly believes that the best way to destroy people is to give them addictive products like alcohol. Further evidence that he feels negatively towards the drugs and alcohol. It’s played off as a joke in the episode but it’s clear that Kenny has strongly associated alcohol with destroying people.

Despite drugs and alcohol playing a major role in several plot lines that follow, Kenny is never shown to have an interest in them. As stated above, in early seasons he’d happily snort alien coke and now he never so much as approaches drugs positively. It’s extremely indicative that this change and interest in sobriety is long-lasting.

Finally we also see Kenny joining Stan's band that he created out of frustration with his situation on Tegridy Farms. Stan has grown to hate weed and what it represents and it is currently causing his family life to be much worse than usual. Kenny, as shown in episodes like The Scoots, loves his friends a lot Stan included. Watching his friend in so much pain can only cause him to view the substance as even worse. It is very likely that while they were working on the band and practicing he heard Stan's complaints as well. Kenny is actively watching as marijuana tears the Marsh family apart. He also watched Stan’s struggles with alcoholism and Stan’s fathers struggles with addiction as yet further examples of how these substances can destroy lives.

During TFBW game, there is a drug subplot that Mysterion actively works to put a stop to. Again, never once part-taking in drugs and actively fighting against their spread in his city. It doesn’t get any more blatant that that. Kenny is far more likely to join the DEA than he is to get high behind the gym. Kenny would never indulge in recreational drug use, specifically meth, weed, and beer, because of his experience watching them ruin families and strain friendships. As well as his own experience with drugs when he decided that he did not want to live that kind of lifestyle.

There’s a bit more evidence that delves into the realm of headcanon, but it is a logical extension of deductive reasoning based on the canon content we are provided with so I will include it as well. We know that Kenny and Satan developed a friendly relationship during Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. We also saw Satan give Stan a very simplified and child friendly lecture on addiction, as though he’d given the same lecture before. While there is no evidence of this, it isn’t a stretch to imagine the person he’d previously helped through their addictive tendencies was Kenny.

To be clear, this isn’t an anti-drug PSA. I don’t care what characters do or don’t do drugs, this is merely establishing that for Kenny specifically with the character arc he’s had, it is very unlikely and borderline insulting to his struggles for sobriety. However Kenny’s connections to drugs also open up some interesting relationship details as well.

During the major boobage episode in particular all of his friends join forces to get Kenny clean, Kyle in particular spear-heading the effort. Stan was there and Butters was there but neither showed as much passion or commitment for assisting Kenny’s progress to sobriety as Kyle did. Even putting his own neck on the line by hiding a cat in his room (with Sheila Broflovski as a mother, is he suicidal?). It’s yet another case, like with the Kenny Dies episode, where all his friends offer very passive support and Kyle offers a very aggressive and consistent support. It’s shown a pattern thus far of Kyle feeling in some way responsible for Kenny’s wellbeing. Which could be explained by a few things, Kyle’s obsessive and passionate personality or perhaps he feels subconsciously guilty for all the times he’s left Kenny for dead. Really we have no way of knowing why he’s doing this but we do know he’s starting to develop a pattern of protectiveness towards Kenny. What’s even more interesting is during both instances Kenny is too far gone to notice. During Kenny Dies he’s frequently asking for Stan and during this episode he’s angry and belligerent that Kyle is taking away his high. Making both tasks thankless endeavors on Kyle’s part (which is also a little unusual because Kyle loves to be praised for his hard work). Kenny’s relationship with Eric is at a low during this episode, Eric caring more about cats than his old BFF and Kenny now knowing that Eric won’t even make an emotionally dishonest attempt to be there for him. I would be interested to see how Kenny in specific felt about Eric facilitating the drug trade during TFBW considering his sobriety and the fact that Eric was never there for him through it. Butters and Stan just don’t stand out as particularly good or bad friends during this episode, they’re just sort of there and listening to Kyle’s instructions. 

However, it’s worth noting that when there were rumors about Kenny getting high in early seasons, Eric was a mentioned accomplice, which makes it even more interesting to think about how Kenny’s sobriety might have solidified the growing rift between the two. Perhaps they used to be the kind of friends who got high behind the gym together and now Kenny won’t and Eric thinks he’s a pussy with sand in his vagina. It’s just an interesting nugget of characterization to explore. How specifically did Kenny’s sobriety impact his relationship with Eric? It’s an engaging question I wish more fans would ask because I would love to see the potential answers and hypotheses’. It’s also worth noting that after Stan’s own struggles with sobriety and addiction in later seasons, it’s possible that Kenny could have become Stan’s sponsor or perhaps that the two of them connect over this unique struggle in their lives that their other friends wouldn’t have as complete an understanding of.

There’s a lot and a little to be said about Kenny and his relationship to his siblings. The clearest picture we get of his relationships with them is his obsessive protectiveness of Karen, even going so far as to deny her own wants and needs (as seen in the TFBW dlc) in order to protect her from all perceived danger. Even if the danger is as mundane as ‘being lame’. But to get a better idea of his relationship with his siblings, I’d like to start from the beginning.

Namely, before Karen even existed within the narrative. In the early seasons with Kevin and Kenny as the only two McCormick children, we see a passive and friendly relationship (a stark contrast to the Marsh family siblings). Kevin does nothing aggressive towards his brother and he is seen peacefully playing with Kenny as well. While this does not make it impossible that Kevin isn’t a friendly sibling, from the context we see him in for the early seasons, there’s no reason to assume he isn’t a kind older brother to Kenny.

Which brings us to the impossibility of Karen’s birth. As stated above, Kenny revives most frequently through rebirth and he dies far too frequently to allow Carol a successful pregnancy.  And we know that, to Kenny’s knowledge, he was the youngest McCormick child during the episode that confirmed he gives his mother miscarriages. He tried to give her a miscarriage before doing so on accident, hating the idea of having a younger sibling more than anything.

This is something that also lends to the idea that Kevin is a kind older sibling and that he is fond of his parents, regardless of their flaws. It’s explicit within the episode that Kenny doesn’t want a younger sibling because he doesn’t want to share that love. He wants Kevin to spoil him and his parents to spoil him and he doesn’t want to lose that to someone younger and cuter. Perhaps his attachment to being spoiled could be because he’s so relied upon by his friends as a protector that he is loath to lose the one type relationship he has in his life that places him as someone to be protected rather than doing the protecting. This is conjecture, but it would make sense with the characterization we’ve seen thus far.

But how did Karen come into being? The ongoing theory in fanon is that she was born during the year Kenny was dead and his friends replaced him but going through the aging timeline, it’s unlikely he was dead a full year (more likely only a few months) and even if the timeline matched up, Karen is six years old when she is first introduced, only 3 years younger than Kenny. Which means she had to have been born long before this incident. Another ongoing theory is that she’s adopted or a foster child, but those are relatively unlikely as well. The McCormick household has a fucking meth lab in the back yard. There is no adoption agency that is going to give them a child. And this theory ignores her clear resemblance to both Kevin and Stuart.

This is why I believe the most likely source of Karen is through a third party and Stuart. There are no adoption hoops to jump through if Stuart is her biological father and it explains the familial resemblance. It’s not difficult to believe Carol would accept her as her own due to how desperately she wanted another child.

As for how Karen was conceived, that’s up for interpretation. She could have been a product of infidelity or a case of someone else carrying her for the McCormick’s as Carol is effectively baron. I will say that Stuart’s infidelity is more likely purely because of the age. If they’d asked someone to carry Karen to term for them, Karen should have started living with them when Kenny was three and yet, she doesn’t join the family until the age of six. There could be a myriad of reasons for this that can be left entirely up to the interpretation of the viewer but the only logical way for Karen to exist as she does is that she is Kenny’s half sister.

When Karen showed up, Kenny clearly grew immediately attached and began to mature quickly. Taking part in less shenanigans, taking responsibility for her well-being, protecting her from bullies, playing with her in his free time. Kenny didn’t want to be an older brother but when push came to shove, he accepted the responsibility whole-heartedly and fully embraced his younger sister. Even more meaningfully, he didn’t care about whether or not she was fully blood related and treated her as a sister just the same. It’s possible one of the reasons he didn’t see any need for blood to create familial ties is growing up with Kyle and Ike nearby and knowing that it wasn’t blood that made them brothers. It’s also possible that he just has too much integrity to treat her as anything less than his baby sister.

One thing that should be noted about children Kenny’s age is modeling. Children, especially under the age of ten, are extremely susceptible to the behavior modeled for them. For example, children who have older siblings who mistreat them are far more likely to mistreat their own younger siblings. It’s a monkey-see, monkey-do time of life. Therefore I would like to present with this as my evidence that Kevin was just as kind and protective as Kenny is to Karen. He’s at an age where he models what he sees around him, treats others how he is treated. The other sibling relationships he’s close to is Kyle and Ike, which while loving took awhile and is significantly less overtly affectionate at times, and of course the Marsh siblings who have an overtly negative relationship until very recently in canon.

Meaning it’s possible he modeled how to treat a younger sibling after how Kyle treats Ike but it’s difficult to imagine him playing kick the baby with Karen. It’s more likely that he grew up with a protective older brother who spoiled him and he is now passing down the behavior that he received.

In short the McCormick siblings have a complicated but interesting relationship. There’s a lot to be said about how while Kenny was being conceived (with Stuart and Carol constantly getting high at a cult and subsequently arrested) that Kevin was only three years old and he wouldn’t have been able to fend for himself at this time. He might have attached onto Kenny so strongly out of loneliness over the severe neglect his parents subjected him to.

It’s worth mentioning that one place Kenny remains determined to indulge is with his hobbies, specifically with magic the gathering, his psp, and nascar. Kenny has for the majority of his characterization been defined by his hedonism. Doing what felt good, when it felt good. It’s why he has such a striking and intriguing character arc over the course of the series. Going from a pure hearted and selfless hedonist (an interesting combo in itself) into a more mature and more reserved individual who denies himself those simple easy pleasures (such as drugs).

But he still has a desire for escapism and so he pursues his hobbies with a passion and protective zeal that can be alarmingly violent. He doesn’t just love his hobbies and desire to indulge in them, but he also wants them to be respected and he despises a mockery being made of them. He doesn’t just enjoy them, he becomes masters at them. He pours all of his passion into being an amazing Magic player, into achieving the highest score in his favorite game, into murdering the one who mocked Nascar.

Wait, that last one doesn’t quite belong. We’re going to put a pin in that one for further exploration in the Cartman section, but it’s worth mentioning that his passion for that sport is so intense that he would be willing to commit murder. While the characters in South Park are outright murderous by nature, Kenny is one of the least homicidal in town (it’s a relative term) and as such, his turn to homicidal rage in defense of his hobby is notable.

He knows Cartman, he knows this is probably a phase and Cartman will get over it, if it was any other circumstance he’d probably be laughing his ass off at home that Cartman was making an idiot of himself on live TV and driving a vagisil car while eating the cream. It’s objectively hilarious and something that Kenny would normally have laughed at and moved on. He’s shown discomfort with Cartman’s escapades before but he’s never taken it so personally. Even when it was a direct attack against Kenny.

There is a part of Kenny that just can’t tolerate his hobbies being so openly mocked and made a sham of. Even during cock magic, he felt deeply uncomfortable with the spectacle the game he loved was turning into, doing everything he could in his limited capacity to continue to treat it seriously and play with integrity. Kenny loves his hobbies with a passion that we don’t see from him for much else.

One potential explanation for this is the emotional distance he has with other people that I alluded to before. He has a lot of love to give and a passionate personality but he dies. All the time. No one remembers, those that do only use his death for their own gain, and while he’s dead even his closest and dearest friends will attempt to replace him or actively resent him. People can replace him. People can betray him.

Playing cards? They have no autonomy. They can’t change after his death; they just wait for him in his room until his revival. Nascar? Sure, he might miss a few races but he can always catch up or just watch new content. Kenny has found an outlet for all the love that bubbles up inside of him that doesn’t rely on people who he’s learned to mistrust.

There is also something to be said about his addictive personality and it’s very possible that he uses his hobbies as a replacement for drugs. Indulging in healthier hobbies in an attempt to replace the ones he now views so negatively. A strong support of this theory is that before Kenny’s sobriety he was less passionate about hobbies and after his sobriety, he is clearly and consistently more obsessive about his hobbies. (further evidence of his continued sobriety, fucking fight me fanon. don’t even tell me you do it for the angst, a struggle for sobriety is way more angsty than a momentary high. ya’ll just want him to do drugs/alcohol because you do and you kin him.)

Kenny’s love for his hobbies is quickly becoming a defining trait but also it’s worth noting that his hobbies are social in nature. He didn’t pick up drawing or writing or origami, things he’s shown an interest for in early seasons, he picked up Magic and Gaming and Nascar, all three when indulged as hobbies are inherently social. You watch Nascar with people, you play Magic with people, especially in this day and age, you play videogames with people.

Even though he’s given up on connecting with people on a deeper level and puts a distance between himself and others, he still pursues hobbies that connect him to them. This indicates that he could still be trying to reach out to others and wants a deeper connection. But on his own terms. He doesn’t select hobbies that the others are already into to attract them to him, he’s pursuing hobbies he likes. Stubborn and selective boy. I haven’t listed all of his talents, skills, and hobbies here, mind you, just the ones relevant to my points (meaning I left out details about his passion for singing because that appears to be a natural talent and sports because he enjoys them but shows no real passion for them)

I’ve probably put off talking about his friendships for too long at this point but a part of me wanted to save this for last, as so much of what there is to say about his friendships with others is indicated in other segments. But the as this is an entirely unstructured attempt at explaining my thoughts and headcanons about Kenny McCormick, I don’t believe it matters the order I go in so here is an overview of his relationships with a few key individuals in his life.

We’re going to start with Kelly. Not because she’s the most influential or most important, but because her impact on his personality is striking in a way that I have to wonder why more people don’t address it. Prior to meeting Kelly he didn’t have as much resentment towards his friends over his condition and after meeting her, for reasons that will become obvious soon, the seeds of pain grow into something larger.

For those of you who are largely unfamiliar with her, she is Kenny’s first girlfriend. She developed an immediate attraction towards him and began to pursue him with a hesitant intensity. Kenny, as he does with most people who approach him so passionately, treats this with confusion and hesitance. She’s hyper logical, goes at her own pace, and treats the fact that Kenny would like her as a matter of course.

Her pursuit of Kenny isn’t what’s most notable but it is worth noting how he responds to someone pursuing him. It’s the confusion that strikes me the most, he’s not used to being treated like something special, and he doesn’t know how to reply. It’s a far cry from the smooth talking flirty Kenny of fanon. Kenny is far more likely to respond with hesitant interest, confusion, and eventual flustered flattery to a romantic pursuit based on how we’ve seen him respond in canon. This isn’t to say he couldn’t develop a more flirtatious personality with age, but it’s worth noting that within canon we don’t see a hint of that as of yet.

The impact that Kelly truly makes on Kenny’s personality isn’t a romantic one though. Although it is my belief that he will grow to view it and gestures like it as romantic ones in the future, but that’s a headcanon digression. Her contribution to his development is simple:

She saves his life.

While no one else would, no one else tried, no one else thought it was possible. It’s very likely that his friends all have a sense of subconscious learned helplessness in regards to Kenny’s death and therefore don’t fight it because, to them, it’s an inevitability and Kelly was only able to do this because she was not previously exposed to the multitude of Kenny deaths.

But the fact is that a person claimed to care about him, wanted to date him, and then when the worst thing about his life was going to happen again, she saved him. In this moment Kenny associated on some level caring about him to saving him. The fact that Kelly saved him meant she cared and by extension, the fact that no one else saves him or even holds him in his dying moments, means that they do not care about him.

Let’s return to that moment of lost empathy and sympathy when Stan was grieving Kyle’s illness. Perhaps on some level he’d just grown to understand that Stan wasn’t the sort to try helping his friends when they’re in mortal peril, made an exception that it’s not that Stan didn’t care, it’s just that Stan wasn’t the type to try saving another person’s life. Or grieve. Sure, it frames Stan as an awful person but to Kenny, Stan being an inherently cruel person was far less painful than the horrible knowledge that Stan did care. He just didn’t care about Kenny. In this moment he’s able to see the moment that Kelly saved him, because she cared about him, and all the moments that neither Stan nor his other friends even tried to save him. To add insult to injury, he dies right then and there and Stan still doesn’t care.

He’s left with the horrible implication that his worst fears about his friends are right. It’s not that they don’t remember because they can’t, it’s that they just don’t give a fuck about him. It’s terrifying, worse than even the prospect of a friend dying.

Which is another matter, as Kenny is semi-frequent in the underworld(s), it’s difficult for him to fully empathize with the idea of Kyle dying. Normally the terror of a loved one dying is that you’ll never see them again, but for Kenny it’s likely he’d still see Kyle every Tuesday. While he words to protect his friends and clearly loves his friends, when they’re lives are in peril like this, it’s sometimes difficult for him to empathize. He doesn’t want them to die but there’s a bitter part of him that’s unable to grieve if they do.

Kelly’s selfless and kind act, one that showed Kenny a moment of what it was like to feel loved, left such a terrible lasting impact that we can see seasons and seasons later. "ALL THE TIME! I die all the time! And you assholes NEVER remember!! Remember! Try and fucking remember!"

Now this can’t be entirely attributed to Kelly, obviously, but I think she’s an important contributing factor to his descent into bitterness that is entirely under-explored. And I also find the way he continues to pursue the relationship with her after she’s left back to her home state to be really telling about how loyal he is within a relationship. Even with his own financial and logistical issues in dating a person who lives so far away, he does his best to visit her whenever he can. She clearly meant a lot to him and it will forever taunt me that we never got an onscreen breakup. It’s also notable that he shows the same level of respectful loyalty to Tammy while dating her. This showcases a clear pattern of treating his significant others with kindness, patience, loyalty, and respect.

Now that I’ve spent ages talking about a girl most fans don’t even remember existed, let’s start in on Stan. Stan seems to hold a special importance to Kenny, it’s difficult to say exactly why (but I’m sure if I dig more I can find out) but moreso than Eric, Kyle, or Butters, Kenny seeks out Stan’s approval in one way or another. It’s very subtle, sort of a ‘blink and miss it’ thing but it can be blatant. The aforementioned moments regarding Kyle’s hospitalization and his own hospitalization. In more subtle moments, we can see Kenny gravitate towards Stan while Kyle and Cartman have their tiffs.

One possible explanation for his attachment to Stan is his horrified “oh my god, they killed Kenny!” frequently by the time Kyle has joined in with “you bastards!”, Kenny is already too dead to hear it. So it’s possible that he puts a lot of weight on their friendship because he views Stan as one of the few people who react to his death at all.

(I can’t help but wonder how gleeful Kenny must have felt that Stan chose his side during the Black Friday trilogy)

Regardless of the reason, Stan appears to be the one among them that Kenny has distanced himself the most from. He’s shown to be very compassionate in most situations but in later seasons when Stan is struggling, Kenny is frequently distant or unresponsive towards it. This seems to be mending in the most recent seasons, with episodes where it shows that they’re fond of one another but even then, there’s an undeniable rift. Despite being Stan’s friend for longer and what most would consider closer to him, during the band episode Stan interacted more with Butters and Jimmy than he did Kenny.

This is also possibly explained by Kenny’s under-explored shyness (something I don’t know if I’ll even get the chance to dig into because I’ve already been going on for so long and I’m barely through half of the things I want to talk about). But I believe that Kenny has put some emotional distance between himself and Stan due to the moments that led him to believe that Stan does not ‘care’. One example of this is during the Cthulhu trilogy, when he explodes in response to his friends questioning, he gets upset with Stan’s reactions but only explodes to Kyle’s, despite their questions being equally ‘offensive’. Perhaps he’s put up more emotional walls with Stan and he’s more prepared for him to be insensitive than he is with Kyle.

Kyle is a complicated relationship to define. On one hand they’ve both had moments of cool apathy towards one another (Kyle during ookie-mouth and Kenny during Cherokee Hair Tampons), although both of those situations are easily understood under the lens of the other stressors. Kyle claimed to “not care about Kenny” but it was only in response to being asked to spit in one another’s mouths. Kyle is a canonical germaphobe (in weirdly most regards other than poop, which he is strangely very comfortable with) and being asked to let someone else spit in your mouth would be trying even if you had no issue with germs. As for Kenny’s moment, as explained above, he was far more concerned with the implications of what it meant for his friendship with Stan at that moment. And not entirely unreasonably.

Kyle’s strange because despite not being Kenny’s closest friend by any stretch of the imagination, he’s been there for Kenny during most of his pivotal character moments in one capacity or another. In a way, Kyle is the one constant in his life. He holds Kenny as he dies in Wing, he stays by his side in Kenny Dies, he fights for his sobriety in Major Boobage, he invites him to become a Jew Scout in Jewbilee, helping him out in The Coon, there are weirdly numerous examples of their friendship and yet there is no explicit focus on it. It’s also worth noting that among all his friends, Kyle was the one Kenny chose to view the meteor shower with and this was during a time where he was still objectively closest to Cartman. And the same can be said for the Coon episode, Kyle was the one Kenny went to for help.

It’s difficult to define their relationship because while they have a strong pattern of a deep and supportive friendship, they also never even attempt to be one another’s ‘favorite’. Although Kyle does seem to be the most protective of Kenny among the main boys (this is of course only a relative, the bar is really low). For example, despite all the boys having lice in Licecapades, Kyle was the only one who came forward to save Kenny from the sock bath. It would take a whole other essay to fully dissect how their relationship works but to simplify it, it appears that they rely on one another.

During Jewbilee, Kyle has complete baseless faith that Kenny will save them. There’s no reason for this other than he just knows that Kenny will. Moses is captured, an all powerful figure, and Kyle still thinks his parka wearing little friend has got this covered. Conversely Kenny comes to Kyle when he needs help, like with Mysterion’s “You’re the smartest kid I know”. It’s just interesting how much they rely on one another and never make a big deal of it. Their friendship is based on an understated mutual trust.

Cartman on the other hand takes any and all trust, and throws it in the bin. If Kyle requires an essay to explain, Kenny’s relationship with Cartman needs a dissertation. That said, I’ll make an attempt to keep this short and to the point. Eric and Kenny do seem to at one point have shared a mutually beneficial friendship, with both of them liking Kyle and Stan more than they liked one another but still clinging to one another in a strange and desperate loneliness. One of the ways they bonded over the course of their friendship was a similar sense of humor. They both enjoyed crude and childish jokes more than either Kyle or Stan did and therefore they were able to indulge in them with one another. The trouble was that Eric had a malicious edge to his humor and Kenny did not. Eric was willing to take things farther than Kenny ever was, potentially purely to prove to the world that he would. A perfect microcosm of why this aspect of their friendship fell apart is found in How To Eat With Your Butt. They both found the ‘butt’ school picture to be hilarious in the beginning but when real people were looking for their son, Kenny dropped the joke immediately but Eric pushed further. These sorts of moments increased in frequency, leading Kenny to pity Eric above all else and Eric to both love and despise Kenny in equal measure.

Eric was still the person Kenny reached out to more than most people, like during Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, but the strain on their friendship began to show more and more and then… Kenny died. Eric knows about Kenny’s deaths, possibly the entire reason he spent all his time trying to make a clone Shakey’s rather than actually saving Kenny’s life. But more time passed between this death than any other and Eric, who has abandonment issues but that’s a whole can of beans to explain, decided he needed to replace Kenny. The trouble was his first attempt, Butters, wasn’t the same. Neither was his second attempt in Tweek. And while Butters did eventually replace Kenny as Cartman’s ‘best friend’, it still wasn’t the same. Eric had lost that friendship for good and still longing for a taste of it, he’ll often still seek out Kenny’s opinion on things. Kenny meanwhile came back to life (we’re going to skip over the sharing a body possession arc, not because it isn’t relevant but because it’s just WAY too much to cover in a short span of time) and found that his best and worst friend had replaced him. In some ways it was a relief, being Cartman’s number 1 friend (especially when Cartman clearly wanted Stan and Kyle’s approval more) was never a great role. But at the same time, being replaced is never a pleasant feeling and it really bloomed that horrible terror that had begun to grow with Kelly and Stan. His friends don’t actually love him, he’s replaceable, they don’t need him. He begins to close off more and more through this and starts to focus his attention on spiting Cartman in small ways (like as Mysterion). He can’t help but be a little resentful and a little uncomfortable.

This discomfort can also explain a lot of why Kenny appears so uncomfortable around Butters during Going Native, not wanting to be called Butters’ best friend and not wanting to go on the trip with him to begin with. Overall Kenny seems to veer from apathetic to Butters to uncomfortable with him. There’s no single scene in the show where he actually seems to show any affection towards Butters. He was forced to go on the trip during Going Native, he had to listen to Butters call Nascar ‘stupid’ endlessly with Cartman, and he just… doesn’t spend time with Butters. They’re seen in the background together, but so are Clyde and Kenny or Annie and Kenny. This isn’t to say Butters has had no impact on his life, but even when he’s on a trip to Hawaii with Butters, he spends his free time writing letters back to his friends or hanging out at a bar alone instead of spending it with Butters. Butters does seem to hold a certain level of affection for Kenny though, whether this is due to Cartman’s influence (the constant comparisons that put Kenny one pedestal as the ‘best’ kind of friend) or due to an actual affection for Kenny, that’s up for debate. I lean towards the former because it’s more consistent with Butters’ overall characterization and it also gives the progression of their relationship a… progression. In the latter interpretation Butters’ fondness for Kenny seems to spring from nowhere within the scenes we’re provided with. In the former, Butters’ fondness is based on his own insecurities and the significant trauma that Kyle, Stan, and Cartman put him through. There really isn’t anything worth dissecting with the Fun Times With Weapons incident, Kenny doesn’t appear to be particularly apologetic nor does he do anything to protect Butters from the hell that follows. Strangely Stan seems to be the most obsessed with getting Butters’ help, although in the most misguided ways possible. Furthermore, during the Cthulhu trilogy Butters is imprisoned and forced to eat his own poop to survive throughout the entirety of it and Kenny just… didn’t care at all. The initial imprisonment was clearly Cartman’s doing but even after Cartman was kicked out and Kenny assumed leadership, he made no effort to free or protect Butters. Whether this was out of resentment or apathy is left up to interpretation. Put plainly, Butters and Kenny do have a strange connection although that connecting piece appears to just be Cartman and without Eric, that bond is nearly nonexistent. (istg if i get another message calling me a bunny hater… guys, im not being mean or an anti, this isn’t about ships, this is about talking about how kenny actually feels and behaves towards other characters within canon. and no, kenny did not invite him to game night. it was very clearly a joke that no one invited him… that said, if someone did invite him, it’s more likely to have been kyle who invited him due to kyle’s response when butters first entered the house)

Kenny also has some interesting relationships with the secondary cast that is worth mentioning (Craig, Timmy, and Bradley in particular) but I’m not sure how long I’ve been typing for so we’ll put a pin in that.

Fuck, I had a lot more bulletpoints I wanted to get to in order to expand fully on his character and I haven’t even gotten to the ‘conclusions’ section but my fingers fucking hurt. Here are the bullet points I didn’t get to, if you’re really curious feel free to ask for more details on any of them:

Anger issues

Mischief

Wisdom and foolishness

Growth

Prostitution 

Sex

Parents

Work

Protective

Shyness / Quiet / timidity

Loyalty

Resentment

Hedonism

Pride and poverty

[jlf23tumble]

diggin’ deeper

I was tagged by @promisethatillnevertell, and it’s day three of a metric shit-tonne of work, I need a break, so I’m gonna bore everyone accordingly!  I’ll tag @alienfuckeronmain, @newleafover, @got2ghost, @vibey-lesbian, @kerasines, @statementsue, @pattern-pals, @setsailtomorrow, @dulcimerharry, @calmrry and anyone else who wants to! And yeah, LONG, oops!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? Blue

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? City (I grew up in country)

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? Too many, but probably fluency in at least three languages and/or the ability to draw

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? NO

5. What was your favourite book as a child? The creepy Time-Life series of books on unusual phenomena that my aunt had

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Showers, the water roar is incredibly soothing

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Loch Ness monster (I really enjoy Scotland, okay?)

8. Paper or electronic books? Paper

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Anything with roomy pockets

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? It’s incredibly generic, but nah, wouldn’t change it! You gotta live with and own it!

11. Who is a mentor to you? The whole mentor/mentee dynamic is inherently flawed because it puts the mentor on some kind of god-like pedestal, while the mentee just laps it up, but there are plenty of people (real and fake-real) who give off that inspiration sensation

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? NO

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Very much so

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? Absolutely!

15. Which element best represents you? Water

16. Who do you want to be closer to? Dunno, I’m not one to pine silently, I tend to throw myself in and get chatty if I’m interested in being closer

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? In this quarantined economy? Very much so, yes, and very many!

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. One of my aunts lives in Alaska, and I remember we flew up there when I was really young one summer--I could not wrap myself around it being so light all night! Who can sleep like that??

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? My grandma was big on making really fucked-up, very white lady, 1950s-style jello salads, like, literally lettuce and carrots and tomatoes encased in jello (topped with mayo “dressing”)

20. What are you most thankful for? Friends and family!

21. Do you like spicy food? YES, and with it being so hot lately, I’m craving the spicy cold noodles I tend to get this time of year with a friend up in Koreatown

22. Have you ever met someone famous? I’ve met tons of famous people, but I’ve only hugged Jeff Goldblum and Orville Peck (separate occasions, of course)

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? No, not since middle school (and that was a disaster, so never again)

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? Pen

25. What is your star sign? Pisces

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Crunchy

27. What would you want your legacy to be? That I made someone someone laugh when they needed it most

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I LOVE READING, I love it so much I get paid to do it, lmao, but the last book I read for fun is something I’m still midway through, Mindy Kaling’s “Why Not Me”

29. How do you show someone you love them? I gift them with weird things I think they’ll like (either IRL or virtually)

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yep!

31. What are you afraid of? Flying

32. What is your favourite scent? The ocean

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? Uh, what? Their name!! What, I’m just gonna be some kind of jock who says, “Hey, Jones!”

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I’d have homes dotted around the world, preferably near friends and family, and I’d visit a lot; when I wasn’t traveling, I’d probably volunteer and/or work on my fluency and drawing skills

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Pools (I’ve been pulled under too many times in the ocean)

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? If someone’s frantically scanning for it, fork it over, if not, keep half/donate half

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? I always feel like shooting stars are errant meteors, and I’ve seen too many Russian dashcams to think that what’s hurling toward earth is a good thing

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? To be aware of their privilege and to use it to help people instead of being an asshole 

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? “Had to,” please, I have some! And I want more, same place (upper arms)

40. What can you hear now? Various nocturnal trash animals getting up for the night shift, low hum of the ceiling fan, one or two cars 

41. Where do you feel the safest? My mom’s house

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? Giving in to self-indulgence, especially if it’s based on something petty or useless

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? Too many to choose! Most of them equally good/bad!

44. What is your most used emoji? I’m on desktop, bb, can’t help ya!

45. Describe yourself using one word. What?

46. What do you regret the most? Things I either said or didn’t say

47. Last movie you saw? New movie? Probably Star Wars whatever. Old movie? Mildred Pierce (because i rewatched a parody of it called Mildred Fierce and wanted to rewatch the source material)

48. Last tv show you watched? Does the Untamed count as a tv show? It feels like a mini series, but I’m watching that (just finished the 2019 Great British Bakeoff and have a lot of Feelings about it, if you mean something more TV tv)

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Chard...a mix of ketchup and mustard

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 4 (Cont)

The gremlin challenges Tsubasa, a Symphogear, whose entire shtick is to sing to channel power, to sing.

It dawns on her, however, that Tsubasa is part Greninja. Tsubasa used Shadow-Weaving! It’s super effective.

“tell me, you jellyfish looking weirdo...”

“hey- hey, time out. are you gonna do what i think you’re gonna do. this is gonna like, kill you. you know that, right? that you will literally die? you do understand you can just retreat now or- or just take hibiki away, right? i even told you that was the whole point of this... uh... oh shit.”

“ARE YOU READY TO JAM”

“tsubasa please i will literally lend you my remaining brain cell to stop you from this really stupid mistake”

Dad has entered the server.

“oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. o- ryoko. stop breathing on me. this isnt helping my anxiety over my adopted daughter figure literally preparing to kill herself over my commands.”

“sorry babe its just the asthma, forgot my inhaler”

“i cannot FUCKING believe of ALL the opponents i had to fight i had to fight the DUMBEST one on the goddamn block, you idiot, you absolute dunce, RETHINK THIS”

“OH GOD SHE’S DOING IT! SHE’S DOING IT! THE ABSOLUTE MADWOMAN- FUCK- FUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE! FUCK! FUCK!”

“just used up my last brain cell for this attack, pal. you’re through.”

“NAH, EAT ASS YOU- YOU GODDAMN MANIAC”

“HAHA YEAH, GOT YOU NOW, SLOW WALKING, DRAMA INDUCIN’, PURPLE RAIN CHANN-”

“OH GOD! YOU TELEPORTED! YOU’VE GOT SV_CHEATS SET TO 1, DON’T YOU! NOCLIPPING LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS GET OUT OF MY FACE”

“WHOA WHOA WHOA WHAT THE FUCK WHOA I KNOW I CRACKED SOME JOKES BUT WE LITERALLY JUST MET AND I- I GOTTA KNOW PEOPLE FIRST BEFORE THIS SHIT AND- OH GOD PLEASE STOP”

“OH GOD! THIS... RAW, GAY, REPRESSED ENERGY... IT’S... TOO STRONG...”

The gremlin could not begin to comprehend Tsubasa’s intense love for incredibly well-built redheaded women.

Hibiki can, though.

“SO......... MUCH........... SAUCE...................”

“.................................................”

The gremlin retreats after getting her licks. This scene subtly implied something; the Nehushtan armor she wears regenerates over time, which means no matter how much damage it sustains, it will always return in one piece. The same can’t be said for the user, though.

Hibiki runs to Tsubasa, checking if she’s okay, totally oblivious to the gravity of what just happened.

“i came just as i could and ive brought happy meals for everyone”

Genjuro asks if Tsubasa is okay.

I dunno man, this is a pretty tough judgement call here. I mean, is she okay? Pain is a pretty subjective experience, after all.

“oh my god i get it. i get the joke she implied. she wanted to jam. she’s jammed! cause it- it looks like jam! no, wait, its more like sauce...”

It dawns on Hibiki that people actually do die during this job.

Tsubasa, as it turns out, survived her Swan Song. It makes sense that she would because she was naturally receptive to her relic, Ame-No-Habakiri. Still, the injury comes with great gravity. She’s benched for the next season, and it’s likely she’s gonna miss the playoffs.

Stuck on a respirator on the edge of life, Tsubasa will probably look back at this and go, “Gosh, I was such a wild child. Haha. Almost dying and all.”

Hibiki wraps her single braincell around the idea of death. Most main characters aren’t familiar with the concept of death, you see, because most don’t die. But this is Season One Symphogear. Flirting with death is common.

Ogawa comes in to comfort her.

“dumbass had her opponent bound and the gremlin still escaped anyway”

Ogawa then explains shit we already know. Thanks, Ogawa.

“in summation: i get where you’re coming from, but stop fucking saying ‘im gonna replace kanade’, please, im begging you”

Hibiki FINALLY gets it, and naturally upon realizing, feels really bad for it. A real right and true asshole.

“oh thank god i was worried not even that was going to get to you”

Meanwhile, in Tsubasa’s mind...

“ah fuck me. im trapped in metaphor limbo. see, im falling because i clipped my wing, cause i nearly died, you know, like icarus and shit”

“hold up my gay senses are tingling”

Her senses confirmed. Kanade is in her mind, in probably the most romantic metaphor possible. There is absolutely no way to interpret all of this platonically.

Tsubasa is literally submerged in a sea of her own emotions...

Involving Kanade, and how she strives to be like her and honor her memory.

SHE LITERALLY DROWNS IN THOSE EMOTIONS, SUBMERGING DEEPER INTO THE WATER.

Tsubasa, in her Symphogear Brand Medical Cocoon for the Dumb and Beaten Down, quietly slumbers in her semi-comatose state as she wrestles the water metaphors of her own sexual identity.

The poor thing just misses her girlfriend.

Meanwhile, Hibiki sits and thinks more than usual. In a flashback, Genjuro muses about how The Gremlin wanted to kidnap Hibiki.

“i dunno maybe The Gremlin’s super lonely or shit”

“i mean if thats the case ill just adopt her too”

Since Tsubasa is away, Hibiki has to pick up the quota for teenage angst in the 2nd Division. Unfortunately, she has very big shoes to fill, but Hibiki isn’t one for slacking in the misery department. She blames herself for everything.

“im really going to fire the therapist we have around here for being pretty damn useless”

“can i be the therapist?”

“ryoko i am absolutely begging you to filter your bad ideas given the several teenage crises we’re dealing with right now”

Hibiki then yells out, for what is possibly the third time, out of the blue:

“I HAVE PEOPLE I WANT TO PROTECT”

The flashback ends.

And speaking of girlfriends.

“there is no force on this planet stopping me from having some quality fucking time with my girlfriend damnit”

Miku points out Hibiki has been pretty lonely. Says she heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from another she was messin’ ‘round.

Unfortunately, Miku is a goddamned chad.

Immediate handholding. Make no mistake. Behind those soft-spoken eyes lies an absolute master.

“o-oh, my hand, you’re holding it, so smoothly”

“hibiki, you’re my sunshine. i want to soak up your rays so hard that every piece of flesh of my body is horribly mutilated from skin cancer.”

“jesus christ miku at least use sunscreen in your metaphors”

“ill use them just for you, hibiki. just for you.”

Their relationship is interesting. When one of them is sad, the other sorta acts as an angst vacuum. You’ll see them flip flop with their points of misery with each other, but when together, those problems always melt away.

Of course, emphasis on being together. Season 1 is the worst with keep them away from each other.

“Just Be Yourself!” Miku Kohinata, Symphogear, 2012.

“fuck me, you’re right. im the protagonist. i cant just eat shit here the whole time. i gotta do protagonist things!”

“was that an invitation?”

“another time. but now... let’s just catch up.”

And so, they laugh together about how the recorded footage of the meteor shower was all black. Truly the greatest couple of all time.

It is this realization of being her own self, coupled with her renewed gay energy, and new perspective on what she must do, that causes everything to go uphill for her from here. Take note.

Here is where a God is truly born.

Tachibana Hibiki.

The end of this episode cuts to a specific dojo.

Genjuro’s dojo.

“i dont fuck around with training, even though i probably should have trained you sooner. you sure about this?”

“dadman either you do this or i will most definitely die next time”

Part of their training involves watching action movies, because Genjuro is so unreal that he should frankly be a fictional character in the very universe he exists in.

Fucking adorable.

“im so conflicted its so clear she’s part of /fit/ now but i cant help but imagine her washboard abs”

Hibiki balls even harder at karaoke now, due to her Symphogear training, and not because she’s secretly Aoi Yuki playing a recolored version of Madoka.

Her significant other is mildly terrified at the superhuman that is slowly unfolding her powers before her eyes.

In the end, things all reach their logical conclusion.

Hibiki becomes a Tekken character, just like Genjuro.

Of course... Miku pushes the fact very subtly that she would never hide anything from Hibiki...

Turmoil brews in the worst way... soon...

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p21 reaction

So, Dave, huh?

Doesn't seem as if Dirk is expecting him to fall unconscious too from the looks of it.

But that doesn't mean that he might not. It depends on who's really behind the condition, Dirk or Alternate Calliope.

You'd think Dave might get called by Roxy when they can't wake Jade up, but that might happen in the latter half of the page.

It's notable that Dirk even as almost omniscient narrator seems harried to continue acknowledging certain scenes. As if he fears he might be influenced.

"DAVE: holy shit thats disgusting KARKAT: DON’T BE A FUCKING XENOPHOBE DAVE: im not being a xenophobe" Yeah Dave, be more sensitive towards the people whose body image is celestial. :P

"Karkat doesn’t respond immediately. He shuffles his feet to the edge of the outcropping they’re standing on and stares down at the brood pit, where the Mother Grub of Earth C is squelching out unfertilized jelly." :O They actually left their hive! And they're meeting up with Kanaya! So... yeah, didn't think we'd require further indulging into the reproductive cycle of trolls, we had TMI already, but here we are. :P Jelly to go into the slurry, unfertilized like fish eggs. Joy.

"No answer. This silence makes Dave actually back up for three seconds and think about what the hell just came out of his mouth." Karkat's just distracted, thinking of something else or looking for Kanaya, I suspect, but Dave goes reading too much into it.

"Dave could definitely be handling this situation with a certain measure of restraint or grace. But he’s got my genes, so he decides to handle it a different way than that." Well, Dirk did say he owned his own faults. He wasn't lying.

"DAVE: but im almost as passionate about this troll speciesism thing as i am about the economy which you may not have known is my number one" Heh, Dave's really getting worked up about this, assuming he came over poorly.

"Karkat still doesn’t answer. He’s staring real intently at the jelly." He doesn't spot any mutations, by chance?

"KARKAT: HEY DIPSHIT, SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE. KARKAT: I’M NOT IGNORING YOU BECAUSE I’M MAD. DAVE: what DAVE: that wasnt what i KARKAT: I KNOW THAT YOU PERISH LIKE A DELICATE LILAC BLOOM IN THE FUCKING DESERT IF NOT SHOWERED WITH MY VERBAL ATTENTION AT ALL TIMES. KARKAT: BUT I’M KIND OF WITNESSING THE REBIRTH OF MY ENTIRE FUCKING SPECIES RIGHT HERE. KARKAT: YOU EVER THINK THAT THIS MIGHT BE A MONUMENTAL MOMENT FOR ME?" Wow, this is actually really much more like the Karkat we're used to hearing rants from.

I can definitely understand he feels some very heavy feelings right now, since everything that happened in the A2 session and after has lead to this moment. So I'm definitely allowing Karkat a measure of solemnness, and perhaps even feeling proud and aloof at the achievement.

"Dave comes to the edge of the outcropping, standing shoulder to shoulder with Karkat as he too observes the majesty of translucent goo getting birthed out of an alien asshole." So majestic. I'm definitely getting "Mufasa showing Simba the Pride Lands" vibes from this scene. :P

"KARKAT: WHAT PART OF THIS IS DISGUSTING? KARKAT: IS IT THE SLOW DEFLATING OF ITS DISTENDED ABDOMEN? KARKAT: THE SOUND OF DOZENS OF SEGMENTED LEGS CLACKING AGAINST ITS EXOSKELETON? KARKAT: THE UNFERTILIZED SLURRY BEING SLOWLY SQUEEZED FROM ITS OVIPOSITIONAL SPHINCTER? KARKAT: IS THAT IT? IS THAT DISGUSTING TO YOU DAVE? DAVE: kind of KARKAT: ... KARKAT: YOU’RE RIGHT KARKAT: IT’S HORRIBLE" You know when people sum up three items, the third one is often the most important one. :P And yeah, I figure Karkat can still see how horrific this is even as a troll himself. We know how much he could get grossed out by Equius' sweat and strongly voiced his dissent, and this is a whole new level of excrements.

"KANAYA: Im Sorry But I Can Hear You From Down Here" Kanaya has excellent hearing, being able to discern their blabbering from all the squelching and clacking. It might the rainbow drinker abilities.

"She’s glowing. Her skin, I mean." Yes, we already established she and Rose would adopt, if they'd ever go for progeny, if Rose can be convinced. :P

"Kanaya steps out from beneath the canopy where she was doing grub science, wiping her hands on a silk cloth." It's cool to see Kanaya do such a Jade-like activity! It's actually quite logical that her kind would be well versed in biology, given their strong dependence on the grub for (biological) reproduction.

"Her mood can be politely described as pensive." ... Something might be bothering her. A lack of donations, so far? It's not as if the imperial drone system will be set again, right? Depends on how they did things on Beforus, which she might shed light on. ... Figuratively.

"DAVE: whats shaking sis KANAYA: Must You Always Call Me That DAVE: nah but it does feel pretty rad to say DAVE: like wow my sister in law is an alien how" Pffff, yeah, that's right! Well, that's the first time someone besides Calliope (and Joey) is called sis! What'd that make Karkat to Rose? :P Since he has ties to both Kanaya and Dave.

"DAVE: i love our awesome planet where everyone is free to form xenophilic family units without fear of government interference or reprisal" That's an odd thing to say, but okay.

"Karkat pauses to imitate a very common Davism that involves two hands and a double-wrist swivel. It’s an incredibly good imitation, because he sees this particular bit of body language like ten times a day." ... Does Dave make a jazz hands signal when he's trying to change the subject? :D

"KARKAT: IT’S THE STUPIDEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN AND YOU DO IT LIKE TEN TIMES A DAY." ... Is Karkat picking that up from the narration, unconsciously?

"DAVE: im dropping a beat DAVE: like im using a turntable and scratching one song into another" ... Well then, less dorky and more related to his interests than I thought.

"KARKAT: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO FOLD LAUNDRY YOU FORGOT TO IRON." At this point both he and Dave have forgotten Kanaya's presence. :P

"KANAYA: So This Is About The Election KARKAT: AH." She was expecting them. I wonder if they'll get as much an evasive answer as Roxy and Calliope gave Jade.

"KANAYA: I Do Get The Internet Down Here" Pretty good reception though! 'The Internet', such a Kanaya-ism.

"KANAYA: I Am Impressed That You Managed To Be Seen In Front Of That Many People Without Spontaneously Bursting Into Flames" So he gave a public statement! Nice.

"KARKAT: WOW THANKS, ANOTHER VOTE OF CONFIDENCE FROM ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS." Yeah, well, your speeching days are kind of behind you, and even then it was only in front of 12 people, she may or may not have a point.

"KARKAT: THIS CONDESCENSION IS REALLY RICH COMING FROM THE PERSON WHO DECIDED HER NARCISSISTIC OBSESSION WITH BEING THE ONE TO HATCH THE MOTHER GRUB WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN NOT SEEDING OUR PLANET WITH A STOPGAP SYSTEM OF REPRODUCTION THAT WOULD CAUSE SYSTEMIC SPECIESISM TO OSSIFY INTO SOCIETY FOR 5000 YEARS." Pfff, Karkat already mentioned he discussed these topics so often with Kanaya over the phone. It'll be interesting to hear her retort.

"KANAYA: But I Do Not Think It Is Productive To Attribute These Resultant Troubles To A Single Decision Or Individual KANAYA: It Stands In The Way Of Our Efforts To Address Them KARKAT: MMNNNRRRGHHH......... DAVE: (shhhhhh)" I like this, Kanaya's right in absolving herself at least in part of the blame for the end result. Karkat is doing wonders in restraining himself from shouting. Dave is shooshing Karkat.

"KAYANA: You Know As Well As I Do That We Must Present A United Front" Yeah, that'd be best to not cause societal upheaval. But they're not doing a good job already of course, running two different campaigns.

"KANAYA: I Have Nothing But The Utmost Faith In You" ... is the new "I believe in you".

"Kanaya reaches out to put a hand on Karkat’s head. He doesn’t duck away in time, and she gives him an affectionate, matronly hair-ruffle between his horns." I love how Kanaya's motherly/sisterly feelings towards Karkat manifest sometimes. :D *pap pap good crab*

"KANAYA: While I Know That It Is Difficult For You To Take A Direct Compliment KANAYA: I Have In The Past Put My Faith In You When The Threat To Our Survival Has Been Immediate And Literal KANAYA: Its Basically Nothing To Ask Me To Do It Again Now That The Threat Is Far More ... KANAYA: *Existential*" Awww. Yeah, she always was one of his closest confidantes. Even going through with the trolling of the kids when she didn't feel like it would be that effective. And she's right, the dangers now are far more vague.

"KANAYA: Is How I Think I Shall Put It KANAYA: If We Are Going To Be Polite" ... And personal, I guess, since they come from within their own group. (Let's be honest, the trolls were a team but not a cohesive one. In that regard, the players on Earth C are far more kin.

"Dave is watching her, but Karkat’s looking contemplatively at his entwined hands. Kanaya’s right: it’s almost excruciating for him to take a completely unironic compliment, especially face-to-face, like what she just said to him. I understand this about Karkat. It’s one of the precious few things he and I have in common." Well, it stands to reason that if Karkat has a lot in common with Dave, he'd have a lot in common with Dirk too! But maybe some of those things are not part of the same set.

"We internalize and project the quality in very different ways, however, which is why I’m going to win." Here goes Dirk again, assuming he's the real leader on his side. He assumes his way of dealing with compliments will make him come off better, but he might just seem arrogant.

"KANAYA: Jane Has Been Here To Speak With Me Recently In Fact" Oh! I actually figured the issue was being discussed over the heads of the actual people impacted by a decision. ... Like is so often the case on our own Earth.

"KANAYA: You Know I Do Like Jane KANAYA: In Some Regards She Reminds Me Of A Friend We Had Who Sadly Did Not Survive Our Time On The Meteor" Feferi?

"KANAYA: She Was Unfailingly Kind To Everyone She Met But She Also Happened To Be The Heiress To The Throne Of A Vast And Bloody Empire" Aww. We didn't have much interaction between them, but it seems she held Feferi in high regard. It would have been a different empire under her. Different from Beforus as well, since the troll race had been influenced so severely by Doc Scratch and )(IC by then already.

"KANAYA: And While She Had A Lot Of Opinions On Reform She Had Already Wrenched Some Of Her Power From Our Last Empress In The Traditional Manner" Via the lusus. That might be her reasoning behind waiting until after the time skip to hatch the Grub. For the bond that would form between troll and grub. Maybe she felt she alone could handle the responsibility, or she craved a little sliver of that contact she lossed with her own custodian.

"Karkat finally looks up at the description of one of their many dead friends." Yeah, this would surely stir something with him as well.

"She rests an ear against the rise of its massive stomach, then taps the shell with two perfectly manicured fingernails." That calls back to when she got the matriorb out from her dead lusus' body.

"KANAYA: By Which I Mean That Jane Is Perfectly Pleasant And I Believe That She Has Only The Best Of Intentions KANAYA: But I Cant Shake The Feeling That Deep Inside Her Lurks The Potential For Despotism" Yeah, we know how it could have manifested in Feferi from Beforus.

"KARKAT: OKAY I GET WHY YOU GUYS KEEP CALLING JANE A CRYPTO-FASCIST KARKAT: BUT FUCKING FEFERI? SHE WAS HARMLESS. KANAYA: These Things Take Time To Gestate Karkat DAVE: damn" Dave is impressed by Kanaya's political analysis.

"KANAYA: Power Corrupts In Small Steps KANAYA: Compromises KANAYA: Concessions KANAYA: Appeasements KANAYA: And Leaders Follow The Example Set For Them KANAYA: Look At What Jane Has Modeled Herself After Already" So maybe the situation on Beforus wasn't Feferi's doing single-handedly, just a situation that grew and grew over millennia. A goal reached by means bartered over, the result corrupted in the process of achieving it.

I don't think Jane really modelled herself after the Condesce consciously, but if it's the only example of a powerful business woman she had, then of course she'd unknowingly copy some bad habits she doesn't think are bad.

"KANAYA: This Is Why I Trust You Karkat KANAYA: Because You Listen To Advice From Below And Beside You Not From Above" Plus, the Sufferer is his precedent, whether he believes in him or not. And yes, Karkat might admire achievements made by what he believes to be his betters (Vriska, Meenah, the Condesce), but he's learned not to copy their behaviour.

"DAVE: so weve got your endorsement then

She laughs, not kindly. KANAYA: Jane Offered Me “A Seat” On The “Board Of Responsible Troll Reproduction” KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DARE SHE! KANAYA: That Is Exactly What I Said" Wow, yeah, that was definitely inconsiderate of Jane. Trolls should be the end responsible of their own reproduction, and if there's a board, there's a chairman, but as long as there's a president above either and she's human, the inequality persists.

"RECREATION SPRAWL" Troll term for park.

"KANAYA: In Case You Cant Tell I Am Actually Fucking Furious About This" Well, thanks Kanaya, I really couldn't!

"KANAYA: Our Reproduction Method Is Alien And Unfamiliar KANAYA: To A Human It Must Sound Monstrous KANAYA: Uncontrolled Even" While it wasn't, of course, there's a rhyme and reason to it. Especially considering the dangers on Alternia, a big pool of spawn to go through the trials is necessary. ... I wonder if they're going to set up new trials on Earth C, in the brooding caverns?

Come to think of it... What the grubs go through... It's kind of similar in a way to how in humans, the male sperm has to survive the trip to the egg cell.

"KARKAT: WHEN I HEAR ABOUT HOW HUMAN GRUBS CHEW THEIR WAY OUT OF THE FEMALE MATESPRIT’S ABDOMINAL HOLE BEFORE CONSUMING THE WOMB MEMBRANE IT MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT." That's... well, a different phrasing but still close to the truth. Makes us sound like birds hatching from an egg, though.

"KANAYA: I Hope That There Is At Least One Principle We Share As A Planet KANAYA: Which Is That We Must All Work To Ensure Equal Dignity And Respect For Every Species" It's sad that in real life, so many people disagree.

"KANAYA: Otherwise KANAYA: What Was This All For

The three of them stare at the floor in adorably cartoonish synchronicity. What was this all for, indeed?" It's almost as if they're looking down to the narration, acknowledging Dirk's presence. :P

"Morality is a cultural construct. It’s pure ego for any of them to believe that their personal interpretation of it will result in the most effective laws." As for your personal interpretation, Dirk? :P

"DAVE: would you be willing to say that exactly but DAVE: like in front of a huge crowd DAVE: and also a television crew or six" She'd actually pull it off better than Karkat. Maybe she could be his press speechperson on troll subjects? :P

"KARKAT: OR MAYBE JUST IN FRONT OF JAKE ENGLISH? KANAYA: Oh Dear Has Jane Recruited Jake" The Jakestakes return. Kanaya also believes in that Jake will sway the vote.

"KANAYA: That Would Be Disastrous KANAYA: He Is Beloved In The Troll Kingdom For His Perky Ass" Why. Of all the universal constants.

"DAVE: seriously? KARKAT: I TOLD YOU IT’S NOT JUST ME! KANAYA: It Has Some Terrible Arcane Power KANAYA: I Have Never Seen Anything Like It" It's like his <3 quadrant, a black hole everything is attracted to.

"DAVE: but jane is one of his best friends so we gotta approach this with a scorched earth policy DAVE: give him a whole cadre of sob stories thatll make him feel all manly and heroic for lending his support DAVE: just gift wrapping babies for him to kiss KARKAT: TROLL BABIES EVEN? DAVE: sure that can be part of the deal he can kiss the first natural born grub right on its gooey lil head" He'd don a mayoral sash, top hat, fake moustache and monocle for the occasion, I can just picture it.

"KANAYA: Have You Spoken To Rose Yet DAVE: uh no DAVE: i mean DAVE: shes

Dave mimes laying down and taking pills. The look Kanaya gives him is neither fond nor patronizing." Very tactful, Dave, real smooth. At least Dave didn't bother Rose while she's otherwise occupied, like during the start of their session. Progress, right?

"DAVE: whats up with that anyway DAVE: are you guys uh DAVE: grub pregnant" Oh, yeah I should have figured Dave would start wildly guessing when not knowing the specifics behind the migraine.

"DAVE: cmon karkat dont you wanna be an uncle to a lil bundle of love and unnatural genetic tampering" Oh, now the baby became a genetically manipulated crossbreed. Jegus, Dave.

"DAVE: ok stop freaking out im just saying from what i understand of troll reproduction it would be technically possible for a troll and human to KANAYA: No DAVE: and with ectobiology anythings possible" Well, it's true the fandom speculated about crossbreeds, but uh, Dave is just approaching the subject from the worst angle.

"DAVE: i dunno its just unusual for rose to brush me off for our annual ecto sibling oversharing session" I would have thought they'd AT LEAST schedule it monthly, not annually. :P

"DAVE: shes been sick for a while DAVE: either shes pregnant or i got reasons to be worried" And NOW we get to the REAL reason Dave's breached the subject.

"DAVE: id be cool with it yknow DAVE: bring on the rosemary combo grubs KANAYA: Rosemary" Hah, nice! Shipping name dropped! Maybe that's what Dave thinks of them in his mind sometimes, like how "Dave and Karkat" became a concept to their friends.

"DAVE: like rose plus your last name which is maryan or something right KANAYA: Maryam" Oh Dave, inconsiderate much? :P

"DAVE: the rosemary babies would have her hair and your horns or whatever DAVE: like when two cartoon animals of different species give in to their lust and have preposterous children" Like what Dirk drew for Jake and Roxy.

"KANAYA: Im Going To Call My Wife And You Are Going To Stop Talking" Oh boy, here we go. Is Dirk going to answer? Making him both narrator and character at the same time? Is he going to impersonate Rose? Or will Rose unexpectedly wake up?

"Dave and Karkat bicker about what their combo kids would look like, in the event that they decided to stop being such laughable wusses" Even Dirk is rooting for them, kind of. And why would they even discuss this subject if the subject of becoming more than friends even scares them so much they don't acknowle- wait I answered my own question.

"Rose’s line rings for a long time. It’s unusual, she thinks. Rose rarely leaves her phone unattended." She rarely leaves an occasion hanging to be able to speak long sentences.

"Rose is in absolutely no condition to be having a conversation with anyone. Not even her cherished bride. DIRK: Hey," Is Dirk going to lie, I wonder. It would just be another mark against him, but a big one, as it'd be a confirmed action of malicious intent.

"Kanaya’s voice turns sharp right away. KANAYA: Excuse Me

She can sense that something’s wrong." Alright! He won't be able to spin the wheel on her, if he'd wish to do so.

"She’s also smart enough, and facile enough in handling questionable men" - right, Doc Scratch.

"to understand that she quickly needs to regulate the tone of her voice for diplomatic purposes. KANAYA: Dirk KANAYA: Is That You" Not fooling him at all, Kanaya, he knows you know it's him. This turned almost into a call with a hostage-holder.

"I don’t answer immediately. I’m distracted by something." His own narration, or something happening to Rose? ... Or perhaps... Perhaps Dirk is making contact with Reload Dirk, if he still exists. It would be something if he lost touch with Earth C for a while.

Perhaps it's more like what Blaperile thinks, Dirk is being distracted by events in the Furthest Ring, leading up to the upcoming perspective switch.

"She really should chill out, anyway. I’ve got everything under control. Not that she’ll ever be able to fully appreciate this." Well that's the understatement of the year. Kanaya would never forgive him, and it's only questionable if a lot of his other friends will. It'll dependent on further developments.

"I don’t have time to explain right now. John’s doing something vaguely important to the plot again." You'd think that what we last saw, John and the wallet, is where we'd continue his scene. But maybe Dirk fastforwarded his narration of John (he showed off at one point and let him spend a few hours, remember?), and now Rose's timeline caught up.

But this means Dirk's currently not in a state to answer Kanaya, but what does that mean? Is he going to freeze with Rose's phone in hand for a few hours, or has he broken off the call to "write" the narration?

"DIRK: Kanaya, I don’t have time to explain right now." That's not an acceptable answer for her and you know it. Unless he has her fall unconscious, too, Dave and Karkat and her are going to come over!

"DIRK: John’s doing something vaguely important to the plot again." Wow, he actually repeated his narration into the phone. He really doesn't control his situation as much as he thinks.

"KANAYA: Dirk... KANAYA: What DIRK: This is gonna have to wait. KANAYA: Dirk DIRK: I’m putting you on hold, ok? KANAYA: DIRK!" "Putting you on hold", pfffff. It's a personal cliffhanger for Kanaya. At least he's partially outed himself to the other people now. Unless he can continue his conversation with her with a 'reasonable' delay of only a few seconds from her perspective, and then proceeds to smoothly talk around what he told her, with his narration powers influencing her to drop the subject.

[sadlittlenerdking]

Lifeboat (Chapter Five)

The Magicians

Word count: (this chapter) 8.6k

Summary: . . . I wondered what would happen if Todd got hold of the depression key. Also more season three shenanigans. And from here on out we’ve officially hit the “Holy Shit Everything’s AU” point.

“You’re not actually leaving.”

Todd looks up from his bag, frowning as Eliot enters the room. “I am.”

Eliot's jaw clenches, Which is a clear sign that he’s close to yelling at him. The good news is Todd currently doesn’t give a fuck. “You need to go apologize to your father, and then we’re going to talk about this like adults—“

“No.” Before today, he wouldn’t have dared interrupt his father. Not when he’s using his king voice. Which is a thing. A scary, resourceful parenting thing he has, that usually kicks Todd’s ass into gear.

Not today.

He turns away from the bag, shaking his head. “I’m actually glad you found me, though.”

“Oh?” Eliot asks, eyes narrowing as he takes a step further into the room, careful and regal. He lifts his chin slightly, like he’s appraising a potential threat to the kingdom. “And why’s that?”

Todd sets his shoulders. “Because I am officially renouncing my claim to the throne.” Before Eliot can react, he nods towards his dresser. “You’ll find the crown in there.” Tucked away. Turns out it’s not quite the ball and chain Todd’s spent his entire life thinking it is.

By the time he turns his attention back to his father, the kingly neutral look has faded, and in its place is something a lot closer to grief. His eyes are wide and unguarded for once, mouth open in a soft ‘oh’ shape. Todd called his bluff, and Eliot’s got no response.

He takes a step closer, this one more shaky than those that came before it. “Don’t be ridiculous—“

“I am also,” Todd interrupts, swallowing and looking away. Somehow, even after what just happened, this is harder to get out. At the very least, he won’t be able to look Eliot in the eyes when he says it. “Cutting all ties with the royal family.”

Eliot stumbles back slightly, a choked off sound following in its wake. “Todd—“ He says his name like it hurts.

Todd turns back to his bag and picks it up. “Have a good day, majesty.”

He moves to leave, but Eliot reaches out and grabs his arm. “Don’t do this,” he says, voice soft, yet shakey and moist. “You’re our son—“

“Maybe,” Todd mutters, tipping his arm out of Eliot's grasp and moving far enough away that he can’t reach. He still doesn’t look at him; gaze fixed on the ground. “But I’m also a person. And I won’t be used as a pawn in some fucking war game.”

There’s an undignified squawking, like Eliot’s trying to make himself say something but unable to, but Todd doesn’t look back.

Not this time.

*

Whatever’s going on with the quest to get magic back? Yeah, Todd’s planning on staying the fuck out of it. They managed to find their way around this shit fest without him once already, and knowing the way things have been going? Him getting involved will just lead lead to disaster.

. . . Except.

The world, and the people in the world, all seem to have different plans for him.

He realizes this, as he walks into his room and finds a bunny staring up at him from his bedspread.

“Are you still there?” It asks. Todd blinks down at it, taking a hesitant step into the room. “Are you still there?” It repeats.

He spins around, peeking out into the hallway, expecting this to be some twisted prank. The bunny continues repeating itself behind him, like a broken record with no end in sight. But, just as he furrows his eyebrows, and slowly turns back to the bed, another bunny appears out of thin air, and stares up at him as it flops down on his duvet.

“It’s margo,” It says. “It’s Margo. It’s Margo. It’s Margo—“

He tilts his head, taking a step closer, lips pursed. “Margo? You’re a—“

Before he can finish the thought, another bunny appears. “Not the fucking bunny. Not the fucking bunny. Not the fucking bunny. Not —“

His shoulders slump. It’s definitely Margo.

And these, upon closer inspection, are definitely Fillorian bunnies.

Another bunny plops down, and repeats the same question as the first. “Are you still there? Are you still there? Are you still there? Are you—“

He stares down at them helplessly. He knows what messengers bunnies are, obviously, the royal guard uses them to pass messages along covertly during times of high stress. But, he doesn’t know how to use them. Let alone reply to a message on one. He swallows, “I’m still here,” He says, voice slightly choked off.

He’s known she’s not dead, because if she were he would have faded out of existence. With or without magic, in whatever world, if Margo dies, it’s the one thing he’ll be certain to know about instantly. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s a relief to know she’s okay. Clearly not suffering, if she’s able to send messenger bunnies without magic. She must be with Eliot, working on the quest.

“Fairies are assholes,” A new bunny says, twisting over on it’s belly to glare up at him, “Fairies are assholes. Fairies are assholes. Fairies are assholes. Fairies—“

That elicits a chuckle, as he finally moves to sit next to the bunnies. There’s a cacophony of sound, each of them repeating themselves with no end in sight, but it doesn’t matter. One of them hops into his lap, and he pets it gently, laughing to himself. Not even being separated from most of her friends, being controlled by fairies can temper her attitude.

It’s clear he’s going to get dragged into this somehow, but right now it doesn’t matter. He won’t do anything purposefully, but he won’t walk away from his mother if she needs him. For now, a world without magic is all he’s got. Well. That, and a quest of his own that he’s still yet to make any progress on. Which is a lot, isn’t it?

The smile falls as he looks down at the bunnies.

“Damn it,” He mutters, just loud enough to hear his own voice over the chorus of bunny voices.

*

He’s known Penny’s been in a rough place for the past couple months. He has. It’s just. That’d been in barely there glimpses of him as he collected debts from magicians on campus, or as he was called to Earth by Kady for a short visit that Todd wasn’t welcome to be a part of. He didn’t look good. Obviously. Death didn’t look good on anyone.

But.

And, okay—right here and now, Penny’s a raging jack ass. If Todd didn’t know who he becomes, god, he’d literally never hate anyone more. It’s obviously a front to protect whatever feelings he’s got buried in him (there’s a lot), but Todd’s got a lot of his own secrets to keep, and trying to go digging for Penny’s secrets in an attempt to make him nicer? Seems kind of idiotic considering how spiteful he is; and how likely he is to be the one to go digging in someones brain for dirt. But, that doesn’t change the fact that in the future?

In the future Penny is Todd’s uncle.

Todd’s insanely cool, always there to help him get out of a situation he doesn’t want to be in, Uncle.

And apparently he’s dead.

Which, if this happened before Todd came back, nobody ever mentioned it in the future.

As in, Penny Adiyodi is very much dead when he should be literally anything else right now.

He backs out of the room slowly, leaving Kady to her feelings—mostly because he’s the last person she’d want coming to comfort her—and runs down the stairs. His heart pounds painfully loud in his chest as he looks into the dining room and then back to the living room. There are magic-less magicians everywhere, none of them dead. Nobody else seems to even think anything’s amiss.

He swallows, before looking at the door and running through it, in a desperate attempt to find Dean Fogg because he’s done something. He’s done something so outrageously wrong that he’s fucked up the future worse than it already was.

And he has no fucking clue what he even did.

*

“There’s going to be a meteor shower tonight,” Quentin says from Todd’s bedroom door. He’s smiling for the first time in days, and his shoulders are slumped inwards like he’s protecting himself from something.

Todd sets down the book Penny brought back from Earth for him, and looks up at him. It’s been a few days since Quentin’s even left his room. But he looks freshly showered, hair only barely damp, and he’s not as pale as he has been the last few days. “Cool,” Todd says, sitting up straighter as Quentin carefully makes his way into the room. Apparently this is a ‘pretend nothings been wrong’ kind of day, then. “Are you and Dad going to go see it?”

Quentin shakes his head, stopping at the edge of the bed and reaching out to pick a piece of lint off the blanket. “No,” He murmurs, soft. He stares down at the lint for a moment, before glancing up at Todd. “I was thinking you and I could go. We haven’t spent much time together lately.” Todd raises his eyebrows as Quentin looks back down at the lint, rolling it in between his index finger and thumb. “Of course if you’d rather not, that’s fine, as well. I just thought—“

“That’d be cool,” Todd interrupts. Quentin’s gaze darts back up to him. He thinks maybe Quentin’s trying to play it cool, but he looks all kinds of hopeful, and he’s never had much of a poker face. But, Todd’s not so much of an asshole as to point it out. Instead, he mimics Eliot’s best play-it-cool look and says, “The last one was before I was born, right?”

He nods. “A few weeks before you were due, yeah.” He takes a step closer, smiling softly. “I’ve never seen Margo so excited for something.”

“Really?”

“She once mentioned she’d met with a psychic,” He rolls his eyes, but it doesn’t seem like he thinks of it as much of a joke as he’s pretending, “They said the apex of her life would be met with the sky falling around in her in burning fire.”

Todd balks. “What?”

Quentin nods again, chuckling as he looks behind Todd out the window. “She threatened to kill the psychic, if I recall correctly,” He clears his throat and looks back down, “But then she got pregnant, and the meteor shower—she kind of figured it wasn’t as shitty an omen as it sounded. Maybe meant nobody had to die for her to be happy for once.” He shrugs a shoulder, and twists the lint around between his fingers. “She was right. You were born, and Fillory continued to prosper under her rule.”

Neither of them mention that someone did die.

“I’d like to see it, then,” Todd says. “When does it start?”

“In a couple hours,” Quentin says, relieved smile starting to form, “But it’s easier to see a few miles out. Think you’re up for a carriage ride to the country?”

Todd’s mouth falls open as he straightens his shoulders out. “Outside the castle walls?”

“Outside the castle. Outside the village. No responsibility, or people to impress. Just you and me.”

He throws the book aside and moves to stand up, shuffling his shoes on as Quentin laughs, open and unabashedly. “Dad,” He says, breathless, with one shoe haphazardly hanging off his foot, while he hops around on one foot, “I have never been so happy to hear the sky is falling around us.”

Quentin nods, reaching forward to help steady him before he falls, “Me neither, kid,” He says, smile in his voice as Todd finally gets the shoe on and stands up straight to grin. “How do you feel about getting a pie from the village we visited last month?”

“Peach pie?”

“Is there any other kind?”

Todd blinks up at him. It’s jarring, how quickly he can bounce back from his episodes, but he’s buzzing. “What are we still doing here?” Todd asks, nodding towards the door, “Don’t we have a pie to eat?”

Quentin nods, grinning. “You go pick out which horses you want to pull the carriage, and I’m going to go let Eliot and everyone know where we’ll be.” He wrinkles his nose, reaching up to ruffle Todd’s hair. “The last thing we need is people thinking we’ve gone missing.”

*

When Eliot reappears, Todd’s standing in the kitchen, watching them all work through what they’re supposed to be doing. He doubts they even know he’s there. It doesn’t stop him from nearly stepping through the doorway, though, and looking after Eliot expectantly; waiting for Margo to follow after him. The doors shut, but that doesn’t mean she’s not right behind him.

Except it does, because Quentin’s rushing across the room and they’re embracing each other like lost lovers, and nobody seems to care what’s happening on the other side of the door.

It takes him a moment, once the disappointment fades, to see the two women standing behind Eliot. He recognizes them instantly, and a warm familiarity flushes through his chest, and he finds himself making his way into the living room. He catches himself in time to make a beeline for the bar, pretending not to notice any of them.

Aunt Fen and Fray. Fray who is his sister, but not really. He glances up at them out of his peripheral, swallowing down the need to rush them with a hug, with a biting shot of tequila. He looks down at the shot glass as he sets it back down and clenches his jaw.

He’s surrounded by his family. And none of them give a single damn that he’s standing there.

He grabs the bottle of tequila and pours himself another shot.

“Todd.”

He looks up, blinking, with the glass halfway to his lips, to see Dean Fogg staring at him expectantly. “Yeah?”

“Don’t you have more important matters to handle?”

Todd meets his gaze defiantly after a long moment, and downs the tequila without breaking eye contact. He slams the glass back down on the bar counter as he swallows it, and storms out of the room, grabbing the bottle on his way.

If Fogg can be a useless drunk, so the fuck can Todd. It’s not like he’s going to make any more progress sober than he is drunk.

Everything’s a lost fucking cause, anyways.

*

“Aunt Fen?”

She looks up from the flowers, smiling down at him. “Yes, bunny?”

“How come you call me bunny?”

Her eyes glaze over for a moment, before she swallows and kneels down next to him. She smiles, close-lipped and kind eyed, and runs a hand through his hair. “‘Cause you’re my little bunny,” She says, adjusting so she can sit down next to him. She glances down at the mess of the grass he’s made, but doesn’t appear to be upset.

“Yeah, but, how come?”

She stares down at the grass a little longer, before glancing up at him through her eyelashes. “I suppose you’re old enough to know, now, aren’t you?”

“I’m gonna be ten. I’m old enough for a lot.”

She smiles, teeth showing, but it slowly falls as she nods. “Alright, then,” She breathes, picking at the grass near the mess he’s made. “A long time ago, your dad and I were husband and wife—“

“Really?”

She chuckles, nodding, “Things were really crazy for a long time.”

“Dad likes girls?”

She looks up at him again, shaking her head, and pointing at him, “You’re so smart, bunny,” She laughs, “No, he doesn’t. Not always. Not often. But . . . He made sacrifices for his friends, his family. He married me to protect the people he cares about, even if it didn’t make him happy.” She shrugs and turns her attention back down on the grass, “I didn’t think about how it affected him. We both made a lot of mistakes.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head, moving so she can grab his hand, “Don’t be,” She says, eyes locked on the grass beside their hands. “I . . . Had a baby.”

“You do?”

She squeezes his hand so tight it almost hurts. “Not anymore,” She murmurs. “Not for a long time, now.”

“What happened?”

She sniffs, finally turning to look at him again. “Do you remember Frey?”

“Yeah! She’s married to the bear!”

She laughs, nodding, as she reaches up to roll one of his curls between her fingers. “She did, yes. For a little while, I thought she was my baby. But . . . my baby.” She pauses, eyebrows furrowing like she’s not sure how to explain. Her chin tilts downwards as she bites down on her lower lip. “My baby died, bunny.”

“Like mom?” She nods again. “Oh. I’m sorry aunt Fen.”

She sniffles, shaking her head and letting go of his hand so she can reach up and wipe at her eyes before any tears can fall. “No, don’t be sorry,” She says, “He didn’t suffer. That’s all that matters. But . . . For a while, I kind of lost my mind. Because I thought the fairies took him.”

“The fairies?”

“Remember. They haven’t always been our friends.”

“I know, Aunt Alice is teaching me about the almost war.”

“Good.” She takes a deep breath and sits up straight. “I was so excited to be a mother. And then, I wasn’t. I even imprinted on a log.”

“A log?”

She nods, wide eyed. “A log.”

“Whoa.”

She chuckles, “I know. But then . . . there were messenger bunnies. They were the right size. And they were soft, and comforting, and I could hold them. And they felt like babies.” She quirks an eyebrow, “I got better,” she reaches up to poke him on the nose, “but then you were born. And you were the size of a bunny, with a whole head of hair. And every time I held you, it was like I was holding my bunny.”

“Like I was your baby?”

“It’s a little different, but yes.”

He stares at her for a long moment, before letting go of her hand and moving to climb onto her lap. He wraps his arms around her, hands clasping together around her back. “It’s okay, Aunt Fen,” He says, as her arms come up to hug him back. “I’ll be your bunny forever. Even when I get taller than you.”

He expects her to laugh, but she tightens her hold on him and nods. “Of course you will,” She breathes, pulling away just enough to look at him. “And you’ll never get taller than me, mister. I forbid it.”

He blinks. But then they both start laughing as she pulls him back into the hug.

“I love you, Aunt Fen.”

She doesn’t say anything for a beat. But then she’s cupping the back of his head and nodding. “I love you, too, Bunny.”

*

He’s starting to get emotional whiplash with the amount of dead, not-dead. Hi universe, he thinks, staring defiantly at the stupid truth key and the singing fish, if people could stop dying and then undying that’d be great.

In fact, if everyone could just stay alive, that’d be even better.

“What’re you doing?”

Todd, whips his head around, blinking slowly as he tries to focus on who’s talking to him. He may be too drunk, at this point, because his vision isn’t clearing up, and he thinks he might fall. Or has he already fallen? Does it matter?

He shrugs, unsure of if the motion even follows the command his brain sends, and turns back to the fish; to the key hanging above it.

He wonders if touching the key could be the clue to solving his own mystery.

“Come on,” Someone says from beside him, wrapping a hand around his bicep and carefully leading him towards the couch. He stares blearily after the fish and the key, until they turn a corner and it disappears entirely from sight. “Are you okay? I mean, usually,” The person pauses, groaning as they help heave Todd onto the couch, “I’m all for a little letting loose sometimes, especially considering everything. But you’re captain positivity. This is weird.”

He stares up at them as they lean over him.

Long, dark hair cascades in rivers around them, and he smiles lazily, reaching up to tug at the ends lightly. “Magic,” He says, listlessly.

She tilts her head. “Todd?”

His smile falls, “Fuck magic,” He says instead, the words slurring into the air, and ruffling her hair. “Magic is stupid,” He narrows his eyes, smacking his lips together, and trying to force himself up. The person leans in closer, and he can finally see that its Julia. “What—what’s the point if it—if it can’t—can’t solve,” He pauses, furrowing his eyebrows as the words disappear. “Oops.”

She tilts her head. “I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“Me neither,” He says after a moment, letting himself fall sideways on the couch, crushing his arm beneath his torso.

“Shit—“

“‘M okay,” He says, holding up his free hand, making a lazy fist in the air, “Always okay. Dunno why I’m always o—okay.” She sets her hands on his shoulder and his hip gently, and the world goes fuzzy, and he’s so tired. He closes his eyes, as his hand falls and lands on his hip. “‘M tired.”

“Sleep, Todd.”

“ . . . ‘Kay.”

*

“You want me to what.” He doesn’t even ask it as a question, because this is clearly a prank. It has to be. Because Eliot, despite everything, would never in a million years ask Todd to look after his wife and daughter. Even if in the future neither of them are either of those things. Or they are and they aren’t, all at once.

Maybe it’s not even Eliot. There is a history of possession in his family.

“Just—keep them distracted. Show them the city or something, I don’t care. I just need them not here right now.”

“ . . . You want. Me. To do that? Me? You hate me.”

“I don’t . . . hate you.”

“You don’t like me.”

“I don’t not like you.”

Todd blinks. And then shrugs. “Okay.”

Eliot looks taken aback for all of five seconds before he’s straightening his shoulders out and nodding. “Okay. Good.”

Todd nods, turns on his heel and grins wide for Fen and Fray, because like hell he’s going to let them have a bad time. They’re clearly dealing with enough shit on their own right now. Even if Fray is a lying liar, and tricking Todd’s favorite aunt. And his father. But Eliot’s kind of a dick to Fen, and Todd doesn’t find that he minds Fray lying to him too much

Okay, that’s not true.

But, he can pretend for a little while if he damn well likes.

Which, for once, he kind of does.

*

Fen runs ahead of him, ecstatic and wild, “Eliot!” She screams, rushing around the corner, grinning.

Todd takes a deep breath, picking up his pace to follow after her. “Hey guys!”

She heads straight for Eliot, Fray right behind her, and he takes a step back, let’s them have their family moment. In the past few days it’s become clear that he’s not family. It’s been clear since the beginning. But this is Eliot’s actually family in the here and now. “We had the most wonderful adventure,” Fen says. Todd grins, nodding. Margo looks at him from Eliot’s side, and the smile falls a little as he looks down and adjusts the liberty crown atop his head. “We went to the square of time, where no one sleeps. And it’s always light!”

Todd nods, grinning, but then, Fray, says, “A man urinated next to me.”

And, okay, that’s true, but it’s not Todd’s fault. His not sister is terrible at following directions, even when he explicitly said the alley’s were off limits to otherworldly not-fairies. He’d learned the lesson not long after coming to the past, in an almost identical mistake. But, nobody listens to him anyways. Why should the lying not-daughter of his future father?

Eliot glances at him, and he takes a deep breath. Time to prepare for more ‘why are you such an annoying failure’ speech from him, it is, then.

God. Why can’t he do anything right?

Was he this much of a mess before he came to the past?

It doesn’t matter. He keeps smiling. Keep it all in. That’s his new motto. Drink it out when everyone’s gone, and then keep it all in when they’re all staring at him like he’s not supposed to be here. He’s done staying away. He’s done with that not-battle. He just wants to go home. And this is as close to home as he’s going to get.

Even if he’s the outsider.

“Then we saw bards performing on your famous Broad Way.”

At least they had fun doing one thing.

“You call it "Cats," but it's just humans in cat greasepaint.” Honestly, Fray in the future complains a lot. But nowhere near as much as Fray when she’s lying about who she is. And in the future, Todd’s the kid, and she doesn’t get to complain when she visits.

“And we tried a delicacy called pizza at an eatery that was ‘Family Style.’” Which really just meant it was a dimly lit, pizzeria in time square with a pool table in the back room, and peeling wallpaper and that charged six dollars for a slice of pizza.

Remind him to borrow some more money from Fogg.

“Well,” Eliot starts, “I am so glad that you two had some bonding time,” He continues on a bit quicker, “Hi, Todd.”

Todd’s head jerks up. “Hi dad—Eliot.” He swallows as Eliot’s eyebrows furrow, and repeats the name quieter this time, looking down and avoiding all eye contact with anyone else. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

Fucking idiot.

“Uh,” Eliot jerks his attention to his daughter, “Fray, did you enjoy anything at all? Earth? Or the . . . Square of Time? I do want you to like things, you know.” Which is a message a whole lot different than he had the last time Todd saw Eliot interact with Fray.

Which means . . . which means they’ve gone through the clock already.

God, he misses all the cool shit in the past and gets stuck with all the terrible, nightmare fueled awful things.

He completely missed Quentin realizing he’s in love with Eliot.

“I can tell you want to be a good father. It's sort of sweet. I think I might grow to despise you less. With time.” Todd looks up, then. Is this really how she treated him? She’s the one lying about who she is. And, okay, it’s all part of her deal with the fairy queen—a particular person he’s not certain he wants to meet at any point in time, ever—but, she doesn’t have to jam the knife so far in Eliot’s chest.

But he’s not really one to talk. Considering how far in Quentin’s back he shoved a similar knife, right before leaving him to die.

Fen laughs, gleeful, like Fray’s said something beautiful and amazing. And Todd thinks, yeah. Fen’s in a terrible place right now.

Eliot takes a deep breath. “Yeah. Let’s go with that.”

Which is when Margo finally speaks. “Not to interrupt this hallmark moment, but Todd,” He looks up at her, “You got a sec?”

His eyes go wide, as he nods silently. “Y-yeah.”

Please don't tell him she’s told everyone everything. Please don’t tell him she’s told everyone everything. Please—

—

“Wait,” He says, squatting down to look in the study nook with feigned shock, “fairies are real?” He’s sure the tone he uses gives away that he knows the truth, but she doesn’t call him out.

He may have told her a whole lot more than he should have, but like.

She doesn’t need to know what happens with the fairies. He has lines.

Especially when his life is a constant ‘oh shit she’s going to tell them’ battle. The last thing he needs to do is reveal the whole entire future and ruin everything. Even though he’s probably fucked up a considerable amount of it already. Everything feels like a cycle of ‘tell, no don’t tell’ and ‘fake it til you make it’. If he ever gets back to the future, and it’s all miraculously fixed, he’s never going to lie or pretend anything ever again.

He looks around the room, with a big, goofy grin on his face. “I thought . . . Fray was just nuts.”

Because, unlike Todd, Fray can’t keep a secret.

. . . Okay. He can keep secrets better than she can, at the very least. They both blab. But she blabs it all. He’s a selective blabber, thank you very much.

“I mean,” Margo says, rolling her singular eye, “she is, but yeah, they're real and they're raging dicks, so I'm gonna need you to keep an eye on these.”

God, he feels so much love for his mother, even when she’s kind of scary, that his heart might burst right out of his chest. Scary Margo is the best Margo, he thinks.

“Is someone going to come looking for your weird eggs?” He asks. He knows what they are. In the future there are dozens of laws protecting Fairy eggs. Even places spelled specifically for the perfect conditions for them to hatch.

“Just make sure Fray doesn't see 'em, and if you don't hear from me by tomorrow night,” She closes the door and smirks up at him, which is a clear indicator of danger, “I’ve got another job for you.”

*

“Majesty and Prince, welcome to the isles.”

Todd smiles, all proper respect and kindness as Eliot shakes the mans hand. “Thank you for having us, Alrec,” Eliot says. “We truly appreciate the opportunity to make peace with the isles.”

Alrec nods, eyes closing for a moment as he lets go. “It is our honor to welcome you,” He says, smiling. His smile isn’t as fake as Todd’s feels, but it doesn’t seem entirely genuine. The man nods at Todd politely, but clearly has no intention of paying him anymore mind, as he steers Eliot away. Eliot glances back at him, nodding. It’s a quiet, barely there action, but it speaks volumes. Todd nods back, taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders. Make the rounds, Eliot’s look said, get to know the people as their future king.

His gaze slides across the woods, until he spots a woman carrying two buckets of water across the the horizon. She has long blond hair, and seems to have no difficulty with the water, even as it sloshes over the sides of the bucket and wets her shoes.

Something draws him towards her, a slow smile spreading over his face; less regal and more boyish as he says, “Hi!” and she looks up at him, a confused lilt of a smile on her lips as she narrows her eyes to see him past the sun. “Need some help?”

*

“Oh, shit.” Todd stops. Frays standing in front of an open study nook, furious sneer on her lips. But all he can think is, “Margo’s gonna kill me.” And, oh, he voiced that aloud, didn’t he?

“You knew about this?”

“I thought I made it very clear not to look in the cubbyhole!” Just like he made it very clear not to walk into the alleyway. Damn it, Fray.

Damn it, Todd. He’s got one person in the world who cares about him right now, and he’s somehow managed to fuck that up. Just like he fucks up everything else in the world.

“You were. That’s why I looked.”

Disobedient, insolent, fucking child.

Okay—yikes. That sounded bizarrely like Eliot did that time Todd almost started a war. Scary Margo is fun—unless it’s directed at Todd. Scary Eliot is not. No matter who it’s pointed at. Mirroring scary Eliot is frightening. Even if it is just a thought.

“Fray?” Fuck! He throws a small temper tantrum, arms flailing as he turns away and Fen approaches. Fuck, fuck, fuck! “What are those?”

“Fairy eggs.” Fairy eggs. “That Father and Margo took.”

Fen sounds remarkably calm when she responds. “You don't know that.”

“Just when I was starting to think humans aren't all bad, they steal babies?” Okay, that’s technically fair, but there are reasons.

“The Fairy Queen stole you from us.”

“No, you bargained me away.”

The calm seems to evaporate at the air in the cottage grows three degrees colder. “I did no such thing.”

“It was a fair deal.” Fray argues, “This is kidnapping.” She squares her shoulders. “Unlike you, we have honor.”

. . . Is the lying McLieFace seriously trying to claim she has honor?

“You're not a fairy, Fray.” Fen takes a step closer to her, and this is more like the Aunt Fen Todd knows than he’s seen in all the time they’ve spent together so far. “Do you honestly believe the Queen will ever see you as anything but a human? Because she won’t.”

“That's not true.”

Todd steps forward, because this is ridiculous. He’s a fuck up, but he’s not an idiots and somebody has talk sense into her. He’s already fucked up the future as it is, what more could this do? “Um, didn't you say she named you Frail Human? That's pretty cold.” Not as cold as having you pretend to be someones missing child, but, he’s not got a lot of standing ground here.

“Humans are complicated. Sometimes good people can make bad decisions.”

“Yeah,” Todd nods,  “like, I once donated a kidney to this girl I really liked. Only, it turned out she didn't actually need it for a transplant—” Thank god for magic, and thank god his parents found out, and he didn’t manage to get his entire bloodline cursed.

“—No matter what you think,” Fen interrupts, “I know who you truly are. My daughter, and Eliot's. And you just need to trust he did this for a very good reason. Family is about loyalty, my love.” She’s said this very thing to Todd once or twice. Every time Eliot got caught up in being king over being Todd’s father. Every time he contemplated running away in his youth. Or when he did run away, and returned to find her sitting in his bed. It’s a great speech, that she’s perfected over the years.

Too bad, right now, Frey is neither family nor loyal. And Todd’s too shit at even existing to be good at either thing.

Maybe he and Frey are lot more alike than he’d like to admit.

*

Todd taps on Eliot shoulder, once, twice, three times, illuminated only be the moon shining down on them. It takes one more poke, before Eliot’s blindly swatting at the air with a soft groan. “Nnhh. . .”

Todd taps his shoulder again, rougher, “Dad,” He whispers, voice choked off as he wipes at his runny nose with his free hand. “Dad! Wake up!”

Eliot’s eyes snap open, then, probably hearing the terror in Todd’s voice, and he sits up, panickedly turning to face him. His hands come up to cup either side of his face, twisting and turning him in every which direction. “What—“ He stops, seeing no immediate trauma, eyes searching Todd’s, “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

There’s a howl in the distance, the sound seeming to come from just off the castle grounds, and Todd whimpers, rushing forward and wrapping his small arms around Eliot’s knees. He buries his face in Eliot’s legs, entire body shaking as the howl echoes through the night. “Scary,” He mumbles, the words barely recognizable, muffled in Eliot’s sleep pants.

Eliot’s breath hitches, as his hands slide down to rub at Todd’s back gently. “Shh,” he breathes, as Todd sobs into his lap. Something warm seeps into his pant legs. “Come on,” He murmurs, leaning over and tucking his hands in Todd’s armpits and pulling him up and into his lap. Todd curls up, pressing his head into Eliot’s chest. “You’re okay, button.”

Todd shakes his head, the sobs deep enough to wrack his entire body.

It’s enough that Quentin is suddenly leaning over sleepily, running a hand over Eliot’s shoulder, “What’s going on?” He asks, voice sleep rough.

“Wolves,” Eliot says, moving so he can lie down with Todd between the both of them. “Howling.” Quentin looks up at him, then down at Todd. Todd opens his eyes, reaching up to wipe at his eyes with his fists. He’s still crying, but it’s calming down as quentin scoots in closer. “You know what we have to do, Q.”

Quentin stares down at him for a long moment, before adjusting his weight onto his side so he can reach down and wipe at the tears sliding down Todd’s cheeks. His jaw clenches as he nods. “Yeah,” He breathes, gazing down at him. “You’re gonna sleep in here tonight, okay?”

Todd nods, face red and puffy as he reaches out for Quentin.

Quentin pulls him in closer, holding him to his chest. He looks over him at Eliot and nods again. “We’ll do it in the morning.”

“Kady won’t like it.”

Quentin scoffs, stroking his hand through Todd’s hair. “I don’t give a fuck,” He mutters. “I’m not letting him live life fucking petrified of something that we can fix.”

*

Okay. There are . . . a lot of experience in his life he wishes weren’t real.

But a demon kidnapping him?

Closer to the top than most things. And that’s including his experimentation with the talking porcupine when he was sixteen. Especially when it locks him in a closet with a gag and a silly straw leading to a magically refilling cup of water and no way to deal with all the water he’s drinking.

What the fuck even is the past?

*

It takes them longer than he’d like to admit to find him. But when they do, they let him sit in on their conversation. And he gets a little drunk. Just a little. He’s tipsy, at most. What can he say? His life sucks, and Dean Fogg is a terrible role model, and he hasn’t worked on his own quest in weeks. And despite maybe, possibly, being a bit of an alcoholic, he’s got a brilliant idea.

He walks, stumbles, really, over to the table, looking over the keys. He thinks he knows which one is the truth key. If he just picks it up and has a quick look around, he’ll know who the killer is, and he can go home and save his family, and everything’ll be just fine. His fingers graze clumsily along the edge of the dining room table. Which number was it? Two? Three? Definitely not five. He tilts his head down at the keys and the numbers carefully attached to each of them.

Okay, he might be a little more than tipsy.

But he knows exactly which key it is. He tilts his head the opposite way and purposefully, pointedly reaches for the key.

“Todd!” Margo exclaims, “No!”

But it’s too late, because his fingers have already wrapped around the key, and just as the final syllable bursts from his mothers lips, and he looks up at her, a figure appears behind her. He knows himself pretty well. Has seen his reflection in the rivers in Fillory and the mirrors here on Earth a fair amount of times.

He knows his reflection.

He blinks once, swallowing as his gaze flickers between his reflection and Margo. “I—“

“Give me the key, Todd.”

The others seem to have realized somethings happening, because they’re all turning to look at them, wide eyed. “Margo, stop—“ Quentin starts, taking a step closer to her, “It’s the depression key—“ And, oh. That’s good to know. Great. Just another thing he’s managed to fuck up.

Jesus, he can’t even get numbers right anymore.

“You don’t think I fucking know that?” Margo hisses, shooting him a glare before turning her attention back to Todd. “Give it to me,” She demands, holding her hand out to him.

Instinctively, he pulls his hand back until it’s pressed to his chest. Behind her, his reflection tilts its head.

“Go ahead, Todd,” it says, “Give your mother the key. Make her suffer before you let her die in the future.”

“I—“

“It’s just Todd,” Kady says, “He’ll be fine.”

“No he won’t!” Margo turns back to her, simmering with anger, to shoot her a glare before whipping back around and moving in closer to Todd. “Give me the fucking key, Todd.”

“What’s it like, Todd? Being here, around them. Looking them in the eye and knowing exactly how they die? Knowing the harm you cause by not saving them. By abandoning them.”

Something thick forms in his throat and for every step closer Margo and his reflection get, he takes one step back. “I—I can—“

“Margo, Todd’s never been depressed in his life, I think he can handle—“

“Fuck off,” She growls without turning to them this time, taking two insistent steps closer to him, “Give me the god damned key, Todd. Or I will make you give it to me. Don’t think I fucking won’t.”

Julia steps up, then. “Margo, you shouldn’t—we can figure it out after we solve the quest. Todd will be fine—“

“I’m not letting him live with that fucking monster in his head!” She screeches, looking back at them, “You don’t know what the fuck he’s had to live with. He won’t survive it. He’s barely fucking hanging on as it is.” She twists her neck back around to Todd, “Give me the key. If you don’t you won’t be able to do what you came here to do.”

“You won’t do what you came to do anyways, Todd. Think about it. How often have you disappointed your family? How many more times can you fail them?“

“Bambi, why—“

“—Don’t you think about how Jane put her faith in the wrong person? Maybe she should have left you to die when you showed up. At least you’d have only fucked up the future, then. But, no. You had to let her send you here. Can you even count how many times you’ve fucked up? No? Then why don’t you tell them. Tell them the truth, Todd. Tell them they’re dead. And it’s your fault.”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Todd whimpers. He backs into the wall and slides down it, feeling the familiar weight of the future pressing down on his chest.

“Tell them all about how you were more focused on yourself, than you were on being there for them when they needed you.”

God, he could have stopped it if he hadn’t been so stuck on himself. He could have seen them approaching on the land—could have seen them, should have seen them, planning this all along. The threats. The warnings.

Margo whips back around, and screams at them. “—because he’s my son!” It takes a moment for the words to register, but when they do, her mouth falls open as all of them stop moving in on her and come to a stop.

Todd’s reflection keeps moving, though, until it’s mere inches from Todd’s chest. It tilts it’s head, and looks over it’s shoulder as his family while they all stare at Margo in confusion. Her gaze is locked on him, chest heaving and mouth set in a straight line as she closes it.

“Now you’ve done it,” The reflection says, “Now they know who you are. How could you be so stupid?”

“Uh,” Eliot says, taking a hesitant step forward, “Bambi, I think you’re a little confused—“

“Oh fuck off, Eliot,” She growls, seeming to remember herself as she turns her frantic attention back on Todd. “Give me the key. Please, Todd.”

He looks from her to the others. They’re all flickering their gazes back and forth between him and Margo. His attention slowly slides back to his reflection, kneeling down in front of him. “Think this’ll ruin everything?” It asks, “Did you just seal their fates?”

“I—I don’t—I—“

She drops to her knees in front of him. “I am telling you to give me the fucking key.”

“I c—I can’t—“

“Sure you can,” The reflection whispers, suddenly beside him, and hissing into his ear, “She dies a painful death. And then everyone she loves dies a few years later. Let her suffer a little more. You know you want someone else to suffer for once. You’re selfish, Todd. No use in pretending otherwise.”

“Oh for—“ Julia stomps through them all, sidestepping Margo and holding her hand out for him. “Give me the key, Todd. You don’t want to give it to Margo, that’s fine. I don’t care. Give it to me.”

Like hell. He has a pretty clear idea of everything she’s been through, and everything he’s dealt with is nothing on it.

He holds it tighter to his chest.

And she—

She leans down and grabs his wrists, yanking them away from his body and tries to pry the key from his hands.

“Let go, Todd. Let go of the key. Let go of everything. You’re not going to save them. You can’t.”

He doesn’t mean to let go. But his hands are clammy, and her grip is sure and sober. One second he’s fighting to keep the key in his hand, tugging his hands back to himself, and the next he’s grasping at thin air and Julia is disappearing out of the room.

Kady trails after her, “Let us know what the fuck is going on,” She says before disappearing through the doorway with Julia.

The reflection smirks triumphantly at him as it slowly fades away, and Margo clambers through it until she’s grabbing onto his wrists and looking him in the eyes. “Are you okay?” She asks, wide eyed. “What are you thinking? Don’t even think you’re about to do anything idiotic, Todd.”

“I’m fine,” He mutters, pulling his hands out of hers and looking down at the ground between them. “I’m always fucking fine.”

Why can’t he just be the one to deal with the pain for once?

Why’s it everyone he cares about?

Why does he always leave it to them to suffer through his stupid fucking idiotic actions?

“Uh,” Quentin says, raising a hand and pulling Todds attention back to him. “Can someone explain the whole ‘he’s my son’ thing? Because, as far as I’m aware, Eliot and I are the only ones who had a crazy alternate timeline life. And Todd’s been here since I started going here . . .”

Margo scoffs, adjusting to stand up and crossing her arms. “You seriously think I can have a son—“

“Bambi, come on,” Eliot says, “The only person other than, me,” He says it like it’s obvious, “That you’d maybe freak out over having the key is Q. And . . . I’ve never seen you . . . So. Adamant—“

“I’m always adamant. In everything.”

“But not like that,” Alice offers. “I mean—“ She stops, shaking her head. “Since they’re clearly not going to tell us the truth,” She stans up straight and makes her way across the room. She looks at Margo pointedly once more, before shrugging a shoulder, “If you’re telling the truth, you won’t mind if I just,” She lifts up a key by the number tag and blinks innocently; knowingly. “Use this.”

Margo’s jaw clenches. “Don’t be fucking stupid—“

Alice uses her free hand to grab the key by it’s base. She doesn’t do anything for a few long moments, but watch the two of them.

And then she drops the key like she’s been burned and takes three steps back.

“What—“

“Holy shit.” She holds a hand over her stomach, and looks at Quentin. “Pick it up,” She says, nodding towards the key. “Pick it up right now.”

Quentin raises his eyebrows. “Uh,” He looks down at the key and then back up at Alice. “Not for nothing—“

“Stop being a little bitch and pick up the key, Q.”

He blinks, taken aback, before sighing and kneeling down to pick it up. His hand hovers over it for a long moment, before he glances up at Eliot. “If I freak out, just, like. Knock me out, or something. Okay?” Eliot nods, though he looks less like he wants Quentin to do this than Quentin does. But Quentin’s fingers finally wrap around the handle of the key, and he looks up through his hair and eyelashes at Todd and Margo.

His mouth falls open. And he drops the key even faster than Alice had. But, he doesn’t move. He stays there, staring at them.

“You’re not from here,” He says, after a few long minutes of silence. “You’re Fillorian.”

Alice nods. “You missed the best part,” She adds.

“You’re from the future?”

Margo’s hands drop to her sides, and she heaves in a deep breath before turning to Todd. “Well, there’s that.”

He shakes his head up at her. “I don’t—“ He shuffles to his feet frantically shaking his head and his hands at them. “You guys—you’re. You’re confused.” He can’t do this. He can’t have them know who he is. Not them. Not now. No. “I’m—I’m Todd. Your classmate that annoys you. I’m not . . .” He trails off, mouth falling open as Eliot makes his way across the room and plucks the key up from the floor with the kind of grace only a natural born king can possess.

And he looks at Todd. But, unlike Quentin and Alice—he doesn’t drop the key. His eyebrows furrow and he moves in, slack jawed and wide eyed as he approaches Todd.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, Fuck.

It’s starting to feel like that’s the only word he knows anymore.

Fuck.

He stops beside Margo and blindly hands her the key. He keeps his gaze locked on Todd. “Start talking,” He says. His jaw clenches, and Todd’s will fucking evaporates with them all watching him.

He falls into the chair nearest him and cups his forehead in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees as he digs his palms into his eyes.

And then . . .

He starts talking.

[thegreatyin]

U.04 Thoughts...basically a review/reaction. But also not. Because I'm a sarcastic narcissist.

So- I- WOW.

I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS RN

OH. MY GOD.

(spoilers ahead, be warned!)

(Also, I wrote this on my Kindle Fire, so expect spelling mistakes.)

(Also, this is vry long yes™, so it's under the cut. Read at your own risk.)

First off, I'm gonna clarify - this is my thoughts on the FIRST VIEWING. I'm gonna re-watch it later and think about stuff more then. I haven't watched it a single time after the first, because I needed to write this.

Second...

Ink was portrayed BRILLIANTLY in this episode. This is EXACTLY what he is- only in it for his own entertainment/benefit. He is Chaotic Neutral at best, and Chaotic Evil at worst. And here? He's at his worst. Straight up ELIMINATING the rest of the Multiverse, breaking the natural order of things- all because he was bored. Goddamn, I love/hate that asshole.

I gotta give props to the animation, as well- it was gorgeous. Jakei is an EXCELLENT animator, and this episode was WORTH the wait. I actually paused the episode at certain points just to appreciate how a character breathed, or how good they looked.

While the humor wasn't a prime focus, one always has to give it a HUGE shoutout. The joy, of course, usually came from my own squeals at Error's usual crazy reactions to things (imsorryilovehim) but there were also times where I took a break from my sobs just to laugh hysterically. Lots of them, in fact.

Enough praises though, lets give it a rundown. Skipping over the part that was previewed, we start in Underwap, with X-Tale Alphys. Now, what I noticed here is that Code Frisk seemed a bit surprised at all this- but I'll put that down to out-of-ut shenanigans. Anyway, X-Tale Alphys somehow uses one of the X-Tale TIMELINES to 'quarantine' Underswap, that's the main thing. Here, we also get an explanation for why Papyrus didn't come with them...there wasn't any point to it. Which is kinda a grim start for the episode, if you ask me.

Skimming over the Underfell bit- I don't have much to talk about there, surprisingly - lets discuss Nightmare and Killer and X-Tale Chara. Nightmare got a few chuckles out of me here, I have to say. Mainly from the look he gave Chara after they wanted to get the vial. It was the perfect embodiment of 'dude wtf' 

I find it interesting here that Nightmare says that he 'owns' Chara. I mean- once they get to full power, they could just OVERWRITE him away.

Then again, it won't happen if he kills Chara first. Which he plainly can, dear Lord.

Now, what REALLY gets me in this scene is what Killer said. Because they took Classic's soul, they interfered with the UT Universe, thus making a ripple effect across all the timelines connected to it. This way, Killer knew EXACTLY what was going down.

This makes me wonder- does that mean, currently, all the Sanses in the Multiverse will be aware of the X-Event? Or just the ones closely intertwined with the main UT universe, like Killer's? It's a shame they never touch more on this, I personally find it fascinating.

Anyway, we finally make our way to Outertale, where we stay for almost all of the remaining episode. Here, the Sanses, Swap, Fell, and Sans, decide that they're done with Ink's bullshit. They want to go home, and they miss their brothers.

Unfortunately, Ink went missing, because he's a little shit that can't stay in one place like a good boy. So Classic has to take a break from his beautiful, busy hair-brushing and babysit this douche. AKA, go find him.

While looking, Classic finds a meteor shower, which...has no real importance. I'm not even sure why I included it, it's just a nice moment. Followed up by a fart joke.

Long story short, Sans encounters Outer, who is actually really fucking chill??? And I love?????? Him?????????? So much????????????????

Skipping ahead a bit, Nightmare attempts to force-feed Chara some poor monster's soul, but Chara can't eat that shit. You know what they can eat? Their soul! That's right - Glitchlord, aka ERROR, is here to find Ink and beat the crap out of him.

Little personal note- I love how he goes from basically 0 to 100 in a second. "Sup Nightmare, WHERE THE FUCK IS INK."

Turns out, Ink isn't feeling things, because not even Nightmare, who can sense emotions, can find him. Which means that Ink didn't take his pills today- naughty boy.

It's a shame we don't get more of Outer, tbh- I really liked him. That's definitely one of this episode's flaws. Alas, Killer has to kill SOMETHING, otherwise his name means literally nothing.

Skipping ahead, since I, again, don't have much to say about anything else- the Error and Ink fight.

DEAR LORD, THE ERROR AND INK FIGHT.

This thing is BEAUTIFUL. It's basically a game of keep-away between a grumpy glitchlord, a mad artist, and a smol anger child. Because that's what it is- and it gave me CHILLS. Mainly Ink. He gives me chills. How he looks, the way he can effortlessly throw down everyone WITHOUT his brush, the cut Error gave him- this is what he really is, at heart. Or should I say, without one.

The fight pauses so Ink can give a speach, and now? Now, we have CONTEXT.

Record Scratch.

Freeze frame.

That context.

Ink did this all because he was going to be empty without new AUs. He sided with X-Gaster because he needed something new. Something interesting. Something to fill the emptiness that is eternally there, he did it because he was bored, he did this all to have something new, he did it to play a game that would never end- and I'll fight you on it, that is the most human thing he's done, ever. Period. Never again, I show ship Ink and X-Gaster, we're calling it Creation, you can't stop me, it's sailed, and I'm the captain.

But, you ask, why did he have to be soulless to do it? Because he would otherwise feel guilty about leaving behind Cross- a genuine FRIEND. And if that also isn't the most human thing to do, if you can find a better example I'll write a bad Jerry X Reader fanfic.

(I'm not joking. I will, please pm me if you find something.)

Anyway, the real takeaway here is that Ink successfully summons Satan, AKA X-Gaster. And he proceeds to murder everyone, shove Error in the Anti-Void for being bad, give Ink's brush back, shove Classic back into UT, kill the AUs (no, actually, Error did that, but shh-) and make Cross...come back?

Horray! Start the victory parade!

...but not really. Because, from what I can tell(?), almost everyone is in a 'Quarantine ' zone, probably to wait while Ink and the X-Tale crew break bread and make their new world. Infact, from what I can tell, the only people besides them who aren't there are Error (who's having a fit in the AV), Cross, Dream, Fresh, and Nightmare and Killer, but those last two might just be around because Nightmare blends in with the background WAY too much.

x-Faster leaves, giving Cross the option to join him, and...I hope he doesn't. I pray he doesn't.

But enough of that. Let's talk about 'Valiant Heart' for a second, huh ~?

(Putting a break to pretend like I'm organized)

Tbh, I actually thought that Dream would DIE in this scene. Really - Nightmare saw a chance to get rid of a KNOWN thorn in his side, and he took it. Luckily, Cross saved him, and they both escaped...

But this scene has other things to talk about. First off, it's beautiful. This is the only thing in Underverse (so far/as far as I know) that isn't fully animated, instead shone in quick images and only having GORGEOUS song lyrics. I LOVE this part, and it might just be my favorite out of the whole episode.

Although..... I'm 25% percent sure that Dream and Cross went to X-Tale to hide, and Nightmare and Killer are now left alone in the black space that used to be the Doodle Sphere. Do they stay there? Is Nightmare's castle still existing?? This is like Killer's line at the start- I want insight to this.

For the sake of keeping this (long) thing short, I'm gonna end here, but...wow. Things are BLEAK rn. I can't even theorize any good possibilities - I'm shook. What a way to end an arc.

....or, should I say, what a way to start one~?

[thebarbarianbarber-blog]

@davekatweek​ Day 6: Fluff Day!

You and Dave are camping by the lake and you really want to see a meteor shower. But first you gotta wake Strider up.

(for anyone interested: the actual peak of Perseids’ shower is tomorrow - 8/12)

(also i apologize in advance for any linguistic mistakes in this, i’m not a native english speaker)

Make a wish

You crawled into the tent and immediately spotted his messy white hair which were sticking out of the sleeping bag along with his head.

- Dave! - you whispered while shaking his shoulder. - Dave, wake up!

- Sod off, Kankri… I’m done with your shit…

You rolled your eyes. Is your voice really that similar to your brother’s screeching?

- Come on, sleepyhead. Are you wearing your shades? Fucking hell.

- How many times... do i have to tell you… that quick talking… is not rapping... fuck, man, get a life...bla bla bla, i can’t hear you… - Dave muttered.

You gave up on whispering, found his ear and said his name out loud right into it, using all your power of will not to shout. Strider slowly turned around to face you, clearly not satisfied with this turn of events.

- It’s not morning yet. - he growled.

- No shit, Sherlock. Now move your ass, please, and come with me. - you said softly.

- Oh fuck no. I forgot it’s your stupid star party.

- If that’s what you want to call it, yes, it’s my stupid star party and you’re invited. Even though they’re fucking meteors.

- The stars are fucking meteors? - he asked with a snort.

- Well, yes- I mean- No. Goddamnit. That was so unfunny. The opposite of funny, even. - you decided, smirking. - Now get up. We’re going to watch the Perseids.

- Yeah, sure. - he yawned. - Why now?

- Now is the best moment. As you already know, tonight is the peak of the meteor shower which lasted for almost a month already. But the biggest number of them is expected to be seeable in the second half of the night and in the early morning. I certainly don’t want to miss it so I’ve decided now is the right time to wake you up. I want to witness it with you. - you said the last sentence a little more quietly than the rest.

- Wow, thanks. Now I have to get up or else I’ll be an asshole. - he complained.

- Too late. You’re already an asshole, asshole.

Despite the darkness, you noticed he was grinning while getting out of his sleeping bag. You grabbed some apple juice and started to look for orange soda (Dave had chosen the drinks, obviously).

- What? Have you already drunk all of it? - you asked with surprise, showing him three empty bottles, once filled with unhealthy beverage. He examined them and muttered:

- Fuck you too, Dirk.

You sighed and threw the garbage into the bin outside. You were running on apple juice from now.

Dave followed you to the lake. There you sat on a blanket Strider brought with him and enjoyed the landscape before your eyes. The sky above a city full of lights was an image you both learnt to treat as a constant and accept. The sky that night, however, was so much different. It seemed almost alien with its stars, those natural light bulbs, all shiny and majestic, forming constellations that showed themselves only to those far away from urban districts, that sparkling chaos against a background painted with indigo, sapphire and navy blue. Said picture was doubled, one might say, by a reflection in the lake, perfectly mirroring the original. It would be difficult to tell them apart if not for tiny waves ruffling the surface of the water. The forest surrounding the area was filled with a calming silence, though a lonely owl could be heard hooting now and then.

Your tent was the only one around and you haven’t seen anyone so far. This fact made you happy as you dedicated this trip to Dave, even though you were the one excited to see the meteor shower. Nonetheless, you had all this place and all this time for yourselves. You have been looking forward to it for so long.

- Well, how do you like it? - you asked your boyfriend quietly in order not to disturb the peace of the forest.

- It’s dark around here, not gonna lie. I almost feel like I’m one with nature. Like, you could see me on the street and be like “Why hello, nature. How have you been, bro?” And then you’d be like “Oh snap, it’s just you Dave! I thought you were nature.” And I’d say “Yeah, that’s ‘cos we are basically the same person.” That’s pretty much how tight I’m with nature right now. They seem cool.

- Okay, enough of this bullshit.

You took off his shades because, of fucking course, he had them on all this time.

- How about now? How would you describe your relationship with nature?

He looked around in amazement. You could swear his eyes were getting more and more beautiful with every time you saw them.

- It’s just so… - he started. - It’s wonderful.

You smiled.

- I told you it’s not the same in the city.

- And you were damn right.

He gave you a warm gaze and you suddenly felt so lucky.

- Thanks for showing me this place, Karkat.

Love for him that filled you seemed too big for your body.

- Oh, i forgot to tell you. Newsflash. - he paused, for dramatic effect as you suspected. - Rose called me when I was driving and you were sleeping like dead. That scared me a bit, too be honest. Don’t do that again, man.

- Alright, alright, what did Rose say? - you had a feeling it was important. He seemed concerned which was rare in his case.

He hesitated.

- Oh boy. Imma tell you. Flat-out. Straight to the point.

- God, just tell me already!

- Here I go. - he ran his hand through his hair. - Rose and Kanaya want to adopt a baby.

You gasped. Dave was looking a little nervous.

- That’s… Fucking awesome! - you said.

- They went to an orphanage and all that shit. Things are serious. I mean, it takes a hella lot of time to finally get this fucking child and it’s a huge deal apparently. But, yeah. We’re gonna be uncles, dude.

- We’re gonna be uncles. - you repeated.

- Yup. Guess who’s gonna be the cooler one.

- We’re gonna be uncles.

- That’s right. D-Strides over here.

- We’re gonna be fucking uncles, Dave! - you put your hands on his shoulders.- I have to call them.

- Are you nuts? What is it, 3 AM? Chill, you’ll talk about poop and diapers and the psychological drama you and my sister are crazy about but all of this tomorrow, m’kay?

- I guess you’re right.

You looked at the sky feeling a weird mix of excitement and fear. You definitely haven’t seen this coming. Even though you knew it was just the beginning of the adoption process, you still regarded the news as a huge change.

And then you saw it. It was a second, maybe less, but you saw it. A shooting star drawing a bright line on the sky’s canvas and then fading away. Without thinking, you made a wish out loud:

- I wish for a good child for Rose and Kanaya. I wish they wouldn’t wait long for that baby. I wish they would be the best mothers in the world. And I wish we would be the best uncles ever. I wish that kid would receive love and acceptance from everyone around them. I wish they would have a great childhood.

You stopped talking as you decided it was enough. You didn’t consider yourself superstitious but… Fuck, you just wanted them to be happy.

Strider was staring at you, half-smiling.

- That was cute.

You looked away.

- So… What about us? - he asked shamelessly.

Your cheeks were burning. Thank God it was dark.

- What do you mean? - you wondered, knowing exactly what he meant.

- Do you wanna raise a lil’ brat with me? Or a bunch of them. They’d be all over the place yelling and shitting themselves… But I could teach them how to drop it like it’s hot and you could feed them doritos or whatever a bambino eats. Would you like to get in this shithole with me? Like, in the future. Duh.

He was ridiculous.

- You are ridiculous. - you said, chuckling. - I’m pretty sure you are aware that babies don’t eat fucking doritos.

- You’re missing the point, bro.

You were, indeed, missing the point. That’s because you had no idea what to say. You imagined having a kid with Dave. He would be a good father. Full of energy, funny and more caring than he appeared to be. You, on the other hand… You could easily lose control. And you would never forgive yourself if you hurt a child. Your hypothetical child.

- I… I’m really not sure, Dave. - you answered quietly.

- That’s okay. We have tons of time, right?

- We have some, yes.

He was studying your facial expressions for a moment before he said:

- I know what you’re thinking. And I bet you would be the best fucking dad that could ever exist.

You widened your eyes in shock.

- And now you’re thinking something like “how the fuck did he know that?”.

You nodded.

- Surprise! I was a damn psychic this entire time!

- No, you weren’t, shithead. You just know me well, I guess.

- Yeah. And that’s why I know you would kick ass as a father. I mean, you would be so awesome. Not like literally kick ass, that would be terrible.

- I get it. Stop embarrASSing yourself.

He laughed, like a dumbASS he was.

- Just don’t sweat it, alright? - he said, smirking.

- I’ll try. - you promised with a sigh. - I’m gonna get some juice.

- I miss you already. - he whispered when you got up, making you smile.

You went to the tent, grabbed two bottles of the drink and came back. Dave was staring at the sky with his mouth open.

- You missed it! - he exclaimed, facing you. - You fucking missed a star, man!

- No, really? - you asked, disappointed, forgetting to remind him that it was a meteor.

- Hell yeah! It was so bright and bigger than the first one! It just… Pchooooo! Through the whole fucking sky like it was nothing! - he was gesticulating (aka throwing his arms in all directions) trying to show you the trajectory of the Perseid. -  And it was so fucking glorious! What the fuck? Why did you have to go bring this fucking juice?!

Before you could say anything, he pulled you by the arm, forcing you to sit down.

- From now on, no running away. You stay put and watch this motherfucking star bath with me.

- It’s a meteor shower, actually-

- Who the fuck cares what it’s called? It looks awesome. Why didn’t you tell me there was a fucking star wars battle scheduled for today?

- I told you a million fucking times: let’s go and watch it! It looks cool! You never fucking listened!

- Yeah, not enough fucking times, then. Also you sounded fucking boring, no offence.

You rubbed your temples.

- Now that you’ve seen a bit of it, i suppose you don’t find it boring anymore, do you, Dave? - you asked after calming your nerves a little.

- Of course not. Meteors fucking rule.

He wrapped his arm around you and suddenly all your negative emotions decided to go and fuck themselves. Everything seemed to be perfectly fine and it was because he loved you and you fucking loved him back.

- Well? - you asked softly.

- Huh?

- What did you wish for?

- Yeah, like I’m going to tell you.

- And why wouldn’t you? - you asked, raising your eyebrows.

- What if when I tell you it won’t come true?

- Hey! I said my wish out loud. - you reminded him.

He didn’t respond.

- Oh come on. I know you don’t believe in all that shit. Just tell me.

A sinister grin appeared on Strider’s face.

- Make me.

You decided you want to play his little game. You kissed his lips gently and then, without further ado, put your tongue into his mouth. He sighed. You placed your hands on his waist and looked into his incredible cherry-red eyes. He broke the kiss and hugged you before leaving busses on your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your neck. You pushed him lightly so that both of you were lying down on your sides. He embraced you tightly and began caressing your back. You ran your hand through his shiny white hair.

You loved the touch of his body, the warmth it was giving to yours and the warmth you were feeling inside. Every time you were kissing, hugging, touching, it felt like it wasn’t enough. Before you met him, you thought that making out would bore you. Seriously, for how long could people do that? The same things over and over again, what’s the deal? Oh boy, were you wrong. You wanted this to last as long as it could and when you weren’t seeing each other for a long time - when you were both studying for finals, for example - you longed for him, for all the little talks you had, for his eyes, his whole body and for this unique feeling, uncomparable to anything you’ve ever felt before.

If you were to put it into words, you’d say you felt complete.

You almost forgot!

You sat up and gave him a significant look.

- Oh right, the wish. - he whispered, flushed and cute. - I’ll tell ya, promise, just let’s cuddle a lil’ more, ok?

You rolled your eyes and smiled. He was so convincing. You returned to your previous position, looking at his face with curiosity.

- Okay, so… I wished for a hella good future for us.

- Yeah?

You couldn’t help but smile and he scratched his head nervously,

- I just wanted us, this, to last as long as possible. - he went on. - And that it would be all cool between us. Just. Camping and drinking together and showing you my dope raps and hating on dumb movies and… The rest, you know.

He chuckled awkwardly. He was acting like such a dork while talking about your relationship and it was making your heart melt.

- When I saw this star… I mean meteor… I thought, hey, why not keep it like this. With you. You’re the shit, man. I mean. I like you. Really. - he hesitated for a second. - I love you.

Dave fucking Strider was lying next to you, his facial expression resembling the one of a naughty puppy that has just broken the most expensive vase in your house. Fucking Dave Strider who has just confessed his love for you. Dave Strider (fuck), the most charming, intelligent, handsome and sensitive human being you have ever met.

You would never pay him a compliment using all those superlatives at once, of course. His ego was big enough in your opinion.

And there he was. The love of your life and your best friend in one person.

- I love you too. - you said shakily after who knows how long.

He smiled and you would smile at that moment too if you weren’t already smiling this whole time.

- I wish it would stay that way, bro.

That was it. You just had to hug him with all your might. You laid your head on his shoulder and felt warm streams on your cheeks. Fuck. Why did you have to be like this? Crying like a baby while hugging your boyfriend. You couldn’t stop. Your tears were soaking in Dave’s T-shirt and all you could think about was the fact that they were tears of joy. You cried, filled not with sadness, but with joy for the first time in your life. For the first time you had a reason to cry that way.

After a few minutes you calmed yourself down, still embracing Dave. He said nothing, though kept on patting your head and back, kissing your neck and ear and hugging you as tightly as you were hugging him.

All of a sudden, he stiffened and then said:

- Yo, check this out!

You sat up and turned skywards.

They were everywhere. Tens of meteors falling down at once, right before your eyes. Flashing lines drawn from different angles, varying in sizes and brightness but all equally marvelous. You were afraid to blink in order not to miss any of them. The Perseids appeared for a second, maybe two and then faded into nothingness. It would be impossible to dedicate a wish to each and every one. You didn’t have the ability to count them, either. All you could do was watch this performance of light and darkness, dynamics and steadiness until it was over.

And when it finally was, you were staring at a sky that suddenly felt so empty.

Neither of you said anything for quite a long time as you were both amazed by what you saw. When you looked at Dave, you noticed his eyes, as well as his mouth, were opened wide. He faced you and blinked. You were no less thrilled than him.

- That was beautiful. - you mouthed.

- You are beautiful. - he responded, flirtatious bastard.

You snorted and kissed him on the cheek. He yawned. You patted your thighs and he laid his head on them. You played with his hair for a while and continued to observe the sky.

After that great number of meteors you saw, you were excited and not sleepy at all. You were hoping to see another one or two.

Eventually you saw a shooting star (at that moment you realised that this term was incorrect) and looked at Dave, wanting to tell him. However, you saw his eyes were closed and heard him breathing slower than usual. Goddamn sleepyhead.

You, just like Dave, wished it would stay that way.

You also came to a conclusion that watching him sleep is like watching a meteor shower for millions of hours. Or even more beautiful.

[0ccuria]

I don’t normally go on long rants about my life anymore but this is really bugging me. I keep second guessing myself about everything

firstly, my new therapist tells me first thing on the second session that I don’t “look” depressed after reviewing my checklist they have us do every single time. ???? how does one “look” depressed. I get maybe he’s just trying to gauge where I’m at but I don’t know how else I’m supposed to take that. Another thing is that I can see where he’s going with me. That I need to get out in the sun more, and that I need to find a hobby to keep me busy. I have tried hobbies. So many. But they don’t stick because I just don’t care. I literally do not fucking care anymore. (even gaming gets dull)

It threw me off and it’s been on my mind ever since and I feel really fake and that I shouldn’t bother with therapy because maybe I don’t actually need it.

I’ve also been trying to get my adhd diagnosis pulled out from the archives because it’s not in the computer systems since I got it in the very early 90′s, but yet again.. no one gives me the time of day on that. I’ve asked several times and I just get these looks as if I’m lying trying to get on Adderall or some shit. I’ve even had my mom vouch for me and still no progress.

And just now was talking about my new medication and depression in general with a certain person that lives here, and he’s like “if one’s really depressed they never leave the house” and I say that literally the ONLY time I go out is to do the grocery shopping and other errands for my mom because that’s just how I pay my way to keep living here since I don’t have a job. Even then, I have major reservations and need to psych myself up nearly every time to even go out.

I don’t want to be seen by people, it stresses me out that people know that I exist. I don’t want to be around them. I feel such intense anxieties, embarrassment and shame that it hinders everything that I do. All I can think about when I’m out is going back home.

And he goes “well you just went out with your bf the other day to watch the meteor shower, so it’s not that bad”

again ????? that was honestly the first time I went up to his house in months. Or anywhere else other than my town in general. I mean, there was a time when I practically lived there, just to give a background on that. My bf is always inviting and trying to get me to go to all these events that he attends almost every weekend, but I never do and I always feel like such an asshole. And he tells me that people actually ask where I am all the time (which again weirds me out that they even remember me at all) He seriously “thanks” me for coming out on the rare chance that I do.

Also back to the medication, I’ve been on so many different brands over the past 8 years that even that makes me think they don’t work because I don’t have depression. I could never tell how I felt when on them. Just shittier in general.

Not to mention my mom’s a bit of a “one upper”, she always has it worse you know. Which I don’t doubt, but whenever I try to discuss what’s going on with me it just goes back to her almost every time.

All this is just making me feel really off. That I’m actually just a lazy, selfish, asshole fraud. That I don’t have adhd, I don’t have depression, I don’t have anxiety. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore honestly. I’m not looking for pity or anything, I just want the people around me to understand my position in life and how I’m living it right now, because it seems like I keep getting dismissed a lot.