#hating a system's all well and good but getting to hate a person so intensely? something special to that

[batsplat]

insanely good tags by @rubyreadd, need them on the post

above and beyond that kind of.,,, narrative satisfaction. garnered from Casey The Super Talent sharing the spotlight with him.... for valentino it's enjoying the viciousness and also kinda the HONESTY of it. like again i do think casey's post-retirement narrativisation is more complex than just straight-talking hater dropping truth bombs etc etc. there's distortions there's dishonest framing there's inaccuracies... including in how casey approaches the valentino rivalry. but. BUT the pure resentment in itself is coming from a very honest place from casey. which is something valentino always says he prefers from his rivals!! and maybe that's not always as true as he thinks it is but idk. i think conceptually having his great rival regularly slag him off in the press is like. fine. if casey occasionally wants to go on a bit of a rant about what a dickhead valentino was, then that is his god-given right y'know

there's an ask i got ages ago i never finished responding to so i'm not sure i've actually talked about it properly on here. but it's kinda... why were casey/vale Like That in 2011-12 when. again. it's fascinating how mutual it is because either one of them could have just, y'know, decided to give it a rest, like they don't NEED to be doing this. there is literally no point and they're exchanging barbs for two years straight anyway. which at times are *beyond* bitchy like the tone of the discourse is lower than anything the two of them muster towards anyone else. gutter stuff. for casey there's the Biding His Time element where he's kinda been waiting three years to get one over on valentino, and i still fully believe in his heart of hearts he would've preferred to do so *on* the track. (see him dipping his toe into self-insert fic post jorge/vale's motegi 2010 spat about how casey would GIVE IT BACK TENFOLD if vale tried to laguna him again like come on, this has nothing to do with you, did you want jorge to crash valentino out you repressed nutter.) but instead he has to go on this two year schadenfreude tour which... y'know. he can work with that. still think he'd preferred to beat valentino in a title fight to get the laguna revenge he was crazing, but valentino's pure and utter failure also tastes pretty sweet. and the other element is i genuinely reckon it did him some good to release the negative pent-up energy lol. casey's very committed not to feud with jorge/dani so valentino is this super convenient target where you kinda know he'll bite. a way for casey to get it out of his system so he could keep it cool with his actual main on-track rivals

whereas on VALENTINO'S end it was this way of relieving stress at his competitive frustrations. plus he was so on edge he was more likely to jump on any provocations from casey's end, like i do think there's some bickering valentino would not have lowered himself to in a more competitive time. but also... it's fun. valentino enjoyed it. he likes a bit of healthy antagonism... and casey/vale in those years just kinda got to the point where they could say any old shit about each other. in a way it's almost liberating because at a certain point you've been so rude about each other that it's not going to make things WORSE if you drop a bitchy line in another interview, like who cares at this point. and well, casey must have also gotten SOMETHING out of it, some sort of emotional release. idk, i reckon they got some weird kick out of just endlessly antagonising each other, post-2009 it was just Their Thing in a very weird way... valentino thinks casey's finally being honest and just saying what he Really Thinks - and let's face it, he's right this time!! like casey clearly was actually repressing how he really felt post-laguna! congrats valentino, this guy did actually secretly hate you all along! call a national holiday! two guys so committed to having a dickhead-off that their conspiratorial leanings are being vindicated

and to bring this back round... casey is always the more complex tormented side of that rivalry where i DO think he kinda low key enjoyed being a dick sometimes but high key can't admit that. and i'm not saying the valentino rivalry was a particularly healthy outlet, like i don't think a therapist would recommend it, but also 'healthy' is overrated... casey's very much a guy who can stew in his own negativity but also can derive a fair bit of pleasure from his more negative emotions, cf his intense flirtations with schadenfreude. valentino bringing him in touch with his darker side again lol. but on the other hand casey does also have like. real pain and torment related to the valentino rivalry and sometimes he does also want to publicly exorcise those demons to Be Understood. whereas with valentino... well, yeah, idk. ofc casey did manage to genuinely piss him off a fair few times, but in a way was casey not the sparring partner? he's not just the major valentino rival who has the best h2h with valentino in extended duels (they're very close to being even, which is insanely impressive if you think about it - compare and contrast with jorge which is far more lopsided than you'd think), not just this Most Talented Of All Time on-track rival - he's also the valentino rival who is by far the most adept at coming up with snappy retorts for valentino off the track. like i mean it's not even really competitive because he's basically the only one who ever managed to do it. the massive W off-track at jerez 2011, just in a completely different league to anyone else in the fighting valentino game, is really just symbolic of that

so yeah. casey really is the ideal sparring partner. which of course means he's going to piss valentino off plenty in the moment because they're in opposition to each other!! but also, valentino fundamentally LIKES sparring. he loves having rivals! he loves some good old-fashioned bitchiness!! anyway what all this means is i reckon there's a serious risk that to valentino, him vaguely hearing that casey's had another go at him in the press basically constitutes like. #throwbackthursday

from a post a week ago, and now apparently casey is going around calling himself 'calculating' after I implicitly placed him on the other end of that particular spectrum. I genuinely am unsure whether casey has ever used the word 'calculating' before to describe anyone. follow-up to me saying the casey/valentino dinner stonks were looking low, twelve years into casey's retirement, only for it to take a literal month before they eat dinner together. casey's contrarianism is on such generational levels that I'm now beginning to feel he's coming for me specifically

now obviously, there is plenty to be said about casey implicitly grouping himself in the 'mind' (dovi, pecco, valentino) camp rather than the 'ability' (dani, marc) camp. much to be observed about his self-conceptualisation. and just like the dinner thing 🤓🤓🤓 it doesn't contradict anything I've said ☝️ 🤓 because the whole point is that casey is the valentino rival who can best dip into valentino's bag of tricks. like, on the one hand you have the dichotomy --

-- but on the other hand, obviously you have casey's entire preoccupation with learning from valentino (x) --

-- AND you have casey whole THING about confidence and the hatred of being seen as mentally weak in any way, paired with this idea he has of himself of someone who is people smart and can read others well (x) --

-- and what you're left with is a collapsing of the boundaries (x) --

-- that neatly separate the two of them. as a dichotomy, it can be confounded. both of them are often happy enough to play into the whole 'ambition vs talent' framing that forms the bedrock of their rivalry because it does to some extent also reflect what both of them genuinely value. casey needs to have supreme confidence in his own natural ability, valentino likes to outsmart his competitors and is flattered by the idea of beating a rival as ridiculously capable as casey. they're not ALWAYS comfortable with it, they've definitely gotten prickly about it in the past... and casey in particular certainly doesn't like the idea valentino could get one over on him psychologically (notes from a girl who tried and failed to spell that word correctly about half a dozen times, which is perhaps the most embarrassing word for me specifically to not be able to spell)

been collaboratively workshopping a theory that part of why valentino appears to be so supremely unbothered by casey talking inordinate amounts of shit about valentino these past few years is that... fundamentally, most of the things valentino is being attacked for he doesn't exactly mind. substantively, casey's critiques have focused around 1) valentino making an enemy out of casey, 2) valentino not paying casey any respect, 3) valentino shooting himself in the foot by making an enemy out of casey, 4) valentino not doing enough to keep his fans under control, and 5) valentino using the media to make casey's life miserable. valentino could argue his case here and plausibly argue casey is misrepresenting a few key details, but fundamentally if casey thinks 2007-08 valentino deliberately antagonised casey outside of the scope of their on-track rivalry... well, whatever, rivalries are fun! if valentino is going to be portrayed as the bad guy in this rivalry then. who cares. and (3) is fairly obviously incorrect - it represents casey's idea of what he would have liked their rivalry post-laguna to have looked like, but it's also not going to bother valentino insofar as it's clearly wrong. makes it less likely it's something he's sensitive about, right. every story needs a villain, and my guess is that there's portrayals valentino would object more to than 'machiavellian dickhead'

on casey's end, obviously there's also an element of self-consciousness to casey struggling to find a word to describe himself. talent is the obvious one to go for... maybe just doesn't want to use that as his word. when jorge recently described his fellow aliens, he associated dani with his incredible technique, marc with his fearlessness, casey with his unconventional talent and capacity for improvisation, and valentino with his intelligence, charisma and lucidity when racing. to be honest, if I were doing this exercise for casey, I too would probably tend towards that improvisational ability first and foremost - adaptable, maybe. the words he uses for doohan and fabio respectively, stubborn and resilient, also would be fairly close to the top of my list. so idk, isn't it interesting he goes the other way!! such a fun lil nugget that taps into his self-conceptualisation - and from the pov of the casey/valentino rivalry, something about how he recognises in himself the traits he begrudgingly respected in valentino. this is why they're so fun, right:

but casey's timing is still funny. did also give that post-ranch interview on the same day as I posted about how he'd soon go back to slagging valentino off, which I still fully believe but didn't pick a great time to talk about. give it a rest, man

[missmielyhoran]

Chapter 1

Welcome to Humphrey high my loves...

I don't know shit about the british education system, and tbh it's confusing when I googled it, so I just made one up! But it's a all rounder school, more like fiction people are doing anyone and anything except studying.

Sunshine asshole × Grumpy sweetheart enemies to lovers

[Warnings - Angst, death threats, Harry being asshole as always, y/n having stick up her ass, bullying like a lot of]

Masterlist

*****

Humphrey High was a prestigious school for wealthy families. People from all over the world would send their kids there to get education from exceptional teachers.

It was basically boarding school for rich trust fund babies who have their head up their asses.

The school had seen many things from inappropriate relationships to enemies at each others throat to lovers who would die for each other.

Still, there was one story that stood out the most...

The whole small stadium of school was packed, yet no one dared to make a sound. Sweat glistened down the side her head to her neck as the sun was shining right above her head. It was too hot of a day, but nothing could stop her.

This was the last shot it would either make or break her streak of winning. The scores of both parties were equal, and even she had to admit that after a long time, she found a good opponent. The other girl served, and the intense game was on, but as good as the other could be, she wasn't her. The ball made a loud sound when it hit her racket, making the ball fly just an inch from beside the other girl, insuring her win.

The whole stadium roared while some booed, but there was a single person, the loudest of them all whistling and cheering for her, knowing it would get on her nerves.

Y/N rolled her eyes, looking over the bleacher where he stood with his smug taunting smile. She ignored him and walked towards her coach, who gave her a patt on the back and congratulated her.

There were a few things Y/N was known for, her great skills in tennis, physics, her resting bored face, which rarely turned into a smile and hating Harry Styles. It wasn't like she grew up in a traumatic household or had a traumatized childhood. Well, she did have traumatized childhood and experiences, but she feels like she had always been this way. That's why he called her that stupid nickname-

"My My Wednesday" Harry said, walking towards her, his ring clad fingers making clickling noise as he clapped.

"I will see you at the practice on monday, coach." She nodded her head and picked up her bag, looking around for her best friend who was nowhere to be seen.

"Why you ignore me, darling?" Harry asked, pouting feigning hurt. He was walking backward in front of her, and she had all mind to push him.

So, she did.

He fell on the grass with a thump mumbling a small 'ow' as if falling on grass would hurt him. Y/N took the opportunity and race walked out of the stadium to the parking lot where she saw her friend dry humping with some girl on her car!

"Get off" Y/N said once for all, and the other girl was scrambling off of her car's hood while her friend laughed. She looked at her car for any dent or scratches when there were none she hummed contently. Y/N threw her bag in the backseat while Amelia slid into the passenger seat.

"Next time don't fuck on my car" Y/N said giving Amelia side eyes. Her best friend raised her hands in defeat, knowing the love she had for cars. It wasn't like Y/N was obsessed with cars or has a passion for collecting them (she had), no. It's just this old Mustang she got as a gift that she loves more than anything cause it was given by the only tolerable person in her family, her grandma.

"Did you win?" Amelia asked as Y/N started the car. Y/N gave her a deadpan look and shook her head. "Of course you won it was silly of me to ask" Amelia laughed.

"Hey doll, can you give me a ride with you?" she suddenly heard the infuriating voice again. Harry stood on her car's window, his face way too near hers for her personal taste. It irked her, and he did it more. He knew she hated when people were near her, and he did just that.

He stands way close to her or puts her in a position where she has to be near a lot of people or talk to them. He did everything he could to push her buttons.

"No" Y/N said, and just as her foot was going to accelerator, Harry ran and slid in the back seat.

"Such a sweetheart, aren't you?" He gave her a fake smile and fixed his attention to Amelia.

"Hey, wasn't that the girl from history class?" He asked Lia, earning an eyeroll from Y/N. Y/N wasn't one to judge people for their preferences, but she did judge her best friend's preference in men cause their was one boy she keeps going back to and has almost fucked half school to make him jealous but as always it never works and she has to be the one listening to her cries and rant about how shitty men are.

"Yeah" Amelia agreed with same sly smile as Harry's. "She's so hot I was shocked she even agreed" Amelis laughed.

"Are you kidding me you're hot as fuck. No wonder she agreed" Harry sat back in the car seat like it was his own hands behind his head and all. "Get your friend some too it might get that stick out of her ass" Harry chuckled.

"I don't want something. All I want is for you to get out." Y/N said, looking at Harry through the rearview mirror as his dorm had arrived. He just shook his head and got out of the car. He leaned against the window like before, way too near her for her taste but she didn't back cause that would mean he knows it affected her and she would rather die than admit that anything he does affects her.

"And if you can't find anyone, my dorm is just a garden away" Harry said, "You can get details from your bestie. I can assure you my service is very satisfying. " He winked and gave Amelia a smirk. Y/N glared a whole behind his back as he skipped towards his building while Amelia laughed beside her.

Oh yes, forgot to tell...Amelia and Harry used to fuck. Alot. And yes the service sounded very satisfactory from a thin wall but she will never admit that.

"He's just joking babe calm down." Lia laughed as if it was funniest joke, but all it did was annoy her.

*****

"I just don't understand why he won't even look at me!" Amelia whined, "Am I not pretty?" She asked Y/N sadly.

She looked at her friend and sighed, "You don't look bad" She said and resumed her homework.

"Then why won't he ask me out!?" Amelia let out a loud groan and fell back on bed. Y/N just shook her head and tried to concentrate back at her homework.

"Why won't you ask him out if you're so desperate?" Y/N said and Amelia looked at her like she has 3 heads.

"I'm desperate that stays between you and me. I would rather die than let him know that" She said, "Anyways what are you wearing for the annual ceremony this year?" Amelia asked.

Y/N slammed closed her notebook and put her head down on the desk. Every year except her first she had found a way to dodge going to that god awful ceremony.

It was the time that inncident with him happened and after that she can't stand being near him or go to that ceremony again.

"I'm not going" Y/N said putting an end to the discussion.

"But it's our last year!" Amelia whined, "I don't want to be there alone. Pleasee Y/N" Lia practically begged.

"Don't worry, you will find someone" She said and put her books where they belonged. It was true Lia was the perfect person to exist she was pretty, smart, outgoing, she made friends werever she went just don't let her know Y/N thought all that about her cause she won't let her hear the end of it.

"But I want to go with my bestieee" Lia whined again, giving her best puppy eyes.

"We do this every year, and just like every year, it's not going." She said, going to the washroom to change into her pajamas.

She breathed heavily as she looked into the mirror. She hated crowed places and told everyone and herself also, but she knew why she didn't want to go, really.

*****

So, yeah... this was this. I will write a new chapter soon. I'm also working on the 2nd part of the stages of grief, so that may be out soon also.

Thanks for all love. I love you guys so much<3

Taglist- @tenaciousperfectionunknown @that-daydream-look @harryspirate @tiaamberxx @lomlhstyles @vmpellie @sunshinemoonsposts @jayde515 @yeehawbrothers @sleutherclaw @ikea2-0 @thechaoticjoy @astridcommings @gxbiqs

Please Like, Comment and Reblog♡

You can tell me how it was here♡

[artemisadore]

hello!

here are some emojis for the drabble challenge if you're still doing it!

payneland with 💀 near death experience (and maybe some 💪 bridal carry as well 👀👀)

have a good day :)

I'm sorry it's taken so long, but I hope you enjoy Modern Payneland AU with a near death experience 🩷

rating: T

tw: mentions of abuse, homophobia (brief), description of car accident and resulting injuries, hospital setting, mentions of medical equipment/supplies

x

Edwin hates the hospital.

He's well aware that he is not unique in this hatred, but he hates it all the same. The fluorescent lights, the hoards of worried families, the overwhelming antiseptic smell, the too-familiar chorus of beeping — well, he just hates it.

But as Edwin bursts into the waiting area of the ICU, he spies something — someone — he hates even more.

He has his back to Edwin, but Edwin recognizes the venom in his shouting, something he used to overhear on the phone when Charles would unthinkingly answer in his presence early on. He’s aged since the few photographs Charles keeps in the drawer of his desk were taken, but the rest of him is largely the same — imposing frame, greasy hair, worn flannel jacket.

Unfortunately, if there is anything Edwin hates more than the hospital, it is Mr. Paul Rowland.

Edwin does not let the anger burning red-hot in his veins slow his stride. As he approaches the reception desk, he can hear Paul arguing with the young man perched behind the computer. “I said I want to see my son right now! Why can't you get that through that little bird brain of yours?”

It would make sense for the young man behind the counter — Monty, if his name tag is to be believed — to be intimidated by the older man, but his expression is simply apathetic, bordering on, well, bored.

“Yeah, he's in surgery, so good luck with that,” Monty rolls his eyes. When he finally looks up at Edwin, his expression changes — brightens, almost, as if Edwin is a welcome sight in the monotony. “Just one minute, sir.”

Before Paul can lash out again, Edwin interjects. “Actually, I'm here for Charles as well,” he says primly, despite the way his hands shake at his sides. He curls them into fists. “You said he's in surgery? What—is he alright?”

Paul turns on Edwin now, pinning him with an intense gaze Edwin hasn't seen since he backed out of Paul's driveway with Charles and his belongings in tow nearly five years ago, never once looking back. If the man recognizes Edwin from that day, it doesn't show on his face. “What are you, his little boyfriend or something? Get the fuck out of here.”

Edwin turns cooly to Monty, who watches them with raised brows. “There must have been a mistake in the system,” Edwin explains as evenly as he can. “I'm Charles’ emergency contact, not this arse.”

Paul's lips curl into a snarl. “Listen. That unappreciative brat is my son, and—”

“And Charles is my husband, so feel free to fuck right off.”

Stunned disbelief cleaves across Paul's face. He sputters for a moment, as if the idea is inconceivable.

“I see here. You must be Edwin Payne,” Monty pipes up. “The emergency contact for Mr. Charles Payne.”

Something ugly clouds Paul's eyes. “What did you just call—”

Monty continues, unphased and practically beaming up at Edwin, “I sincerely apologize for our mistake. I will personally make sure it never happens again.”

There's a small smirk tugging on the corner of Monty's lips, which Edwin clings to like a lifeboat.

“As his husband,” Monty adds pointedly, “you may speak to his wishes on his behalf. On visitors, for example.” He glances meaningfully at Paul.

Edwin wants to feel triumphant, but the worry that buried itself deep in his chest when he first got the call from the hospital less than an hour ago is now lodged in his throat. He tries to swallow around it, but tears spring to his eyes instead. “Out. Get him out.”

Paul probably argues with the security guard that comes to escort him away, if Edwin had to chance a guess. He may even hurl a few nasty words his way — it's not as though Edwin can really hear him anyway, not when he feels himself shutting down.

It takes a hand on his arm to pull him from his stupor. It's Monty, who is looking up at Edwin with an expression teetering on the edge of practiced customer-service neutrality and genuine kindness. “You alright?”

Edwin huffs a wet laugh, swiping at his eyes quickly. “No. I'm afraid I'm not.” His breath shakes on the inhale. “When can I see him? Is he—” Edwin swallows back a sob.

Monty drops his voice, “He's recovering in a room now. I can't, like, see much, but he's listed as stable.”

“What?” Edwin furrows his brows. “I thought—you said he was still in surgery?”

Monty tilts his head to the side. “Oh, that? I lied.” Edwin doesn't have a chance to respond or really even process that before Monty is motioning someone over. “Hey, Thomas, I need a favor!”

The man who strolls over — Thomas, apparently — looks less like the nurse his badge confirms that he is and more like someone off the set of a TV medical drama.

“What's in it for me, sweetcheeks?” Thomas asks, voice smooth as butter, his hair nearly as greasy. When his eyes land on Edwin, they widen curiously. “Oh, my, my. Why didn't you say your favor was so oddly handsome?"

Monty rolls his eyes, but reluctant fondness radiates off him in waves. “Easy, tiger. He's here for his husband. Charles Payne, room 221.”

Thomas hums, considering. “Is that the old geezer or the pretty little twink?”

Edwin scoffs.

“Pretty twink,” Monty confirms easily.

Edwin's face must reflect his displeasure, because Thomas puts up his hands defensively.

“Okay, okay, you don't have to do,” Thomas gestures vaguely, “all of that. Follow me, handsome.” He practically saunters down the hall, and Edwin has no choice but to follow him. He shouts back at Monty, “Don't forget, you owe me one, babes!”

Edwin doesn't turn to look, but from Thomas’ warm chuckle, he thinks Monty may be flipping him the bird.

Thomas prattles on as they make their way down the hall — something about it being perfectly reasonable to think that Edwin could be a gold-digging sugar baby — but Edwin is focused on keeping his eyes forward. The various beeps and moans from the rooms on either side of the hall already conjure images of what state in which he might find Charles, and he's not sure he can bear seeing it too.

When they reach the room, Edwin hesitates at the door. The desperation to see Charles and the dread of facing reality wars within him. Thomas, who has already slinked his way into the room, turns back to him. As he does, his expression shifts.

“No one's told you shit, have they?” Thomas asks, golden eyes softening. From the doorway, Edwin shakes his head mutely. “Tell you what, handsome. It's almost my lunch, so let me catch you up to speed on what's going on with your ol' ball and chain here.”

For the next half an hour, Thomas walks Edwin through everything — from Charles’ scans to the medications in his IV to the notes from his surgeries. He breaks down all of the tubes and bandaging and disorder into information Edwin can almost process, bit by bit.

Charles had been struck on his side of the car by a driver blowing through a red light. He had been immediately rushed to the hospital, where he underwent surgery on his back, as well as on his broken arm. He's still mildly sedated but no longer intubated, which Thomas assures him is a good sign.

Edwin isn't sure how much of the information he can actually retain at the moment, but the knowing of it all helps settle the worst of his nerves.

To Edwin’s surprise, Thomas procures a decently comfortable-looking chair for him along with a blanket and some snacks that turn Edwin's stomach at the sight. The nurse sets him up on the side of Charles’ body with the unbroken arm.

Before Thomas — in all of his foul-mouthed, good-natured glory — leaves, Edwin whispers a quiet, “Thank you.”

It takes a moment, but Thomas responds, his low timbre taking on a gentle quality. “Yeah, well, don't forget to invite me to the celebratory threesome once golden boy's back on his feet, ‘kay?”

Edwin shakes his head with a huff.

The silence he leaves behind is deafening.

The first thing Edwin does once alone with Charles is cradle his good hand between his palms gingerly, mindful of the IV placed there. He's not sure what he expects, really, but the warmth of Charles’ skin — alive, he's alive — opens the floodgates on the emotions Edwin has been keeping at bay.

Terror. Dread. Love. Fear. Loneliness. Confusion. Grief. Love. Relief. Guilt. Love.

Love.

Edwin allows himself to finally, finally look at Charles’ face, the one he would know in any age, in every universe. Bronze skin, angular planes, dark lashes laying almost peacefully on his cheeks. His bottom lip split open, but no less devastatingly beautiful for the way it parts from the top on a breath.

He looks like home.

Edwin holds Charles’ hand and watches his face and loves him with his whole heart until he's dragged down by exhaustion and joins Charles in sleep.

He doesn't stir until Charles does, waking with a start to Charles’ soft groan. Edwin is immediately alert, which means he's granted the chance to watch Charles’ eyes flutter open.

“Babe?” Charles croaks, voice barely audible. “What—where the bloody hell am I?”

Edwin swallows. “The hospital. You were in an accident.”

Charles blinks a few times before he manages to focus his gaze on Edwin. As soon as he does, his lips twitch into a weak but charming smile. “They must have me on some good shit then, huh? I don't feel a bloody thing.”

It's no wonder this man has his heart and soul, with the way he's able to dissuade Edwin's fears and make him chuckle at the same time.

“Good. Good,” Edwin murmurs, absently stroking Charles’ knuckles with his thumb. He can't bring himself to say more, but Charles understands anyway.

“I'm sorry to worry you, love,” Charles murmurs. “But I'll be alright, yeah? Always am.”

Edwin nods quickly. “Your nurse seems to think you're on the road to a full recovery.” After a moment, he adds, “Though that may just be wishful thinking on his part.”

Confused, Charles’ brows furrow. “What'd you mean?”

Edwin dips his head to press a gentle kiss to the top of his husband's hand. “Don't worry about it, darling.”

Charles nods absently, clearly drifting back to sleep. “M’kay. Just need a quick wink, and I'll be ready to bust outta here, yeah?”

Edwin’s smile is wistful when he says, “I'll be right here, my dear. Always.”

Charles is already snoring quietly, and Edwin would not change it for a thing.

[luringfantasy]

One by One 6/7 (final chapter part a)

PRELUDE

You were snooping around Loki's stuff to find his chest full of sex toys. He was not very pleased about it and has decided to punish you by using all his toys on you, one by one...

based on this imagine |

previous main masterlist

Warnings: use of "pet" names, BDSM, dom Loki, sub reader, female reader

MINORS DNI

NO PROOF READING

You were waiting. And all you did was to wait for Loki, but Saturday did not come, and neither did you..(XD). Loki was pulled into a mission, and it just kept getting extended week after week. You worked for Tony and occasionally for SHIELD, you hated Hydra, but this time the hate was personal. 

Those damned creatures kept Loki away from you, kept you from his glorious dick, how dare they!

Private Number : Prepare yourself, I won’t be stopping this time, little pet. -L

You knew exactly who this was, your heart started beating fast receiving his text like this, was the wait over? Although you decided to tease him a little bit.

You : who dis?Private Number : You are asking for trouble y/n, you know perfectly well “who dis” is.You : idk, it’s been so long, i might have forgotten Private Number : I see, perhaps my little dove needs a thorough reminding.

Him addressing you as “his” little dove made your heart soar. You have been working with him for so long, but didn’t realize that he even saw you as a friend let alone “his”. This was a conversation for future you. Much much later in the future, after you get a ride on his glorious, beautiful cock, mmm, definitely after that. Your thighs rubbed against each other, you would definitely not mind Loki “reminding” you. Though you didn’t know how much of anything you would retain once he started to fuck you.

You : When will u be back??Loki : Eager are we?

You imagined he must be chuckling lightly at your desperation.

Loki : Soon enough dove. And until then, you will save your sweet nectar for me and only me. Not even your own fingers should have a taste of what is mine!

Oh god, you were already desperate for him, using your own fingers to mimic his, trusting you silicon friend more often than not, and he wanted you to wait?

You : 😭😭Loki : Are you that happy?You : Wats there to be happy abt? U r being unfair.

You waited for him to say something but figured he was busy or maybe he didn’t deem this important enough to discuss. His word was final, he was letting you torture yourself, make you wait. You receive occasional texts from him, which did not help at all.

Loki : I am having the finest chocolate and I still want you on my tongue.Loki : Darling, do you know the traffic light system?You : ???Loki : Hmm, I suggest you look into it...

??? Seriously, what was this man thinking? You were now concerned for your safety. But the idea of Loki going feral on you turned you on more than it scared you. An inner voice told you that you should probably seek help, but, when have you listened to it when it concerned Loki?

After a week or so, you fell into a routine with him, texting him whenever you got some time. On days when he didn’t text you, you worried. And then patiently waited, hoping he was well. But it was impossible for you to wait, you almost went against his words to relieve yourself, but stopped at the very end. Then one day you were not so lucky, and very very very desperate. Your will power broke, and you had one of the best orgasms in a while, almost as good as the ones Loki gave you. The waiting does add to the intensity.

But now you are scared. You knew you cannot lie to Loki, he is the god of lies, but you didn’t want to confess to him either. You were already in this arrangement because you were going through his stuff behind his back, and now you broke his rule.

As a few days passed the guilt ate you from the inside, so you confessed to him over text. His reply was worse than anything you could have expected. It was an “OK.”, that too with a full stop! You were expecting him to reprimand you, but this meant only one thing, that he will take care of this matter when he arrives.

Loki : My place, right now.

This is the text you had been waiting for! Fcking finally. Finally some fucking! The last two weeks took a toll on you, not only did you abide by Loki’s rule and were super frustrated, you were also anxious about how Loki would punish you, for breaking his rule.

You were prepared for this evening for a very long time, you even bought a new pair of dark green lingerie for him.

As you walked towards his door, it hit you. The delicious smell, coming from his place, filled the whole corridor. Did he get you food? Before you even knocked the door, he opened it (damn his god powered hearing).

You immediately went in for a hug. “I missed you! You took too long for this!”. His hands wrapped around you, pulling you into him, then you felt him breathing you in. “And we both know that you lack any patience…” he whispered into your hair, which made you stiffen immediately, prompting a chuckle out of him.

(To be continued)

Thankyou for reading my work. And, well.. just thankyou.

TAGLIST: @lokixryss@alyeskathewave@ladymischief11@tukes@yelkmelk@crimson25

[tacky-optic]

SINNERS, ALL OF 'EM

the seven deadly sins + the gang = way too much overthinking

Lupin's Gluttony The world's his for the talking, yet he can never be satisfied. That'd be a real bummer if he were anyone else, but that hunger for more challenges, more adventures, seems to only add more fuel to an already roaring fire. He's a Glutton for a lot of things: Punishment, mainly. But also attention and experiences. His curiosity is insatiable. The only issue with Lupin's Gluttony is that he isn't inherently wasteful, which is a pretty glaring caveat. In that case, the big question would be "does the damage he leave in his wake outweigh that which was stolen in the first place?"

Jigen's Sloth/Envy "Man, I'm too old for this shit" incarnate, with a little dash of "I'm still going to silently judge you from my dark little corner, though" on top. It isn't Sloth "I'm gonna take a decade to get to this" so much as it is "I'm gonna do what you want me to do so rapidly and effectively that you're gonna think twice about waking me up again after I get back to my nap." But he really doesn't do jack-all if it isn't Lupin-related. If it were just him all on his lonesome, he'd kind of just rot. He is indifferent to his effectiveness. Bored, even. His loyalty to Lupin is an inherent aversion of his responsibilities as an individual.

His Envy brings him to action. He's a man of a lot of subtle wants and no willpower to take them, but with the right motivator, he'll bring down armies. Fujiko is a pretty good spur-on, as well as anything that remotely puts Lupin in the line of inconvenience or danger. If it's for one of his very, very few friends, he'd go through hell and high water just to get them a decent sandwich or something. Just be thankful his Envy's benign instead of malicious...

Goemon's Pride Mr. "Once again, I have cut a worthless object". There's literally an entire movie about his ego getting so utterly shattered that he gets all cagey/stabby mode about it for the rest of the movie, on top of training so hard he rewrites his entire goddamn nervous system just so he can do said stabby better. It's fantastic. To dedicate oneself so fully to one skill, then to restrict it to your own judgement as to not tarnish it, feels like the antithesis of humility. Pride, in a biblical sense, is to sever oneself from God; to become so wholly individual and confident in said fact that you forsake conventional belief in favor of your own. So congrats on netting the literal Worst sin, Goemon, you've earned it. God ain't shit when you can cut through anything.

Fujiko's Greed Does... does this even need elaborating. She's a woman that knows exactly what she wants and exactly how to get it, plain and simple. Why settle for anything less than the best?

Zenigata's Wrath/Lust What a wombo-combo, damn. This guy's the definition of love/hate. He's a man simultaneously impassioned and overwhelmed by his emotions, yet they lend so heavily to his professional and personal effectiveness that without them, he wouldn't be him anymore. Wrath and Lust go hand in hand, in a roundabout sort of way. It's about loving something so much that you want to crush it. A brutal dimorphous expression of emotion. To long for something to intensely, so vehemently, that it guides every action, fuels every decision... Underneath it all, would it even be possible to know what you are if that drive is all that defines you? Could you even call that living? We're talking about a guy who unironically wears heart boxers and almost exclusively eats cup noodle, people. This symbolism's very disturbing...

That's A Wrap You can always argue other sins for each of the cast members, of course. Lust for Lupin, Wrath for Jigen, Envy for Zenigata-- whatever. At the end of the day, they're all objectively terrible people. It's semi-safe to say that outside of religious contexts, the seven deadly sins have grown subjective in common culture/media. So why not take liberties? I sure as hell did. It's a goddamn miracle these managed to turn out so succinct.

[nynyhaha]

Trouble Trio and what they sacrifice for their abilities

To make your hatsu stronger, you need conditions, nothing ever comes for free. In the chimera ant arc seeing the Spiders fight Zazan was like a breath of fresh air. AND it showed us their nen abilities! I think that the conditions they chose might say sometimes about their personalities.

Phinks

His ability is quite simple but it shows amazing potential. With each turn of his arm,his punch power increases so with enough time he should be able to produce a bigger impact that’s Uvo’s Big Bang!

His limits are time he has before someone attacks him and energy he has to put into it. He’s among the strongest Spiders physically, but he too can only do so many arm rotations before he gets tired.

It could actually be compared to simple physics where one kind of energy is transformed into another. Still,if you wanna do something really big you gotta have the patience for it and in an intense battle every second is precious,so I can see how the need for time could be a problem.

Phinks has a reasonable condition that doesn’t cost him too much but works very well. Very clear and straightforward. Good choice!

Feitan

actually needs to get hurt. It’s also stated that his ability is activated by rage, so it’s also necessary that he’s pissed.

It’s interesting that he’s willing to get hit just for the satisfaction of watching the opponent receive the pain back tenfold and as heat!(I don’t actually know the proportions,it’s some sort of transmuter procedure where damage equals an amount of aura)

Sure,in a serious fight against a strong enemy he’s likely to get hit at least once,but would you not prefer to be able to cause pain without feeling it? I’m talking about scenarios where taking damage in order to use pain packer is more beneficial than staying unharmed and fighting without it.

Using pain strategically is typically Feitan, meanwhile I still believe that he hates it.

Shalnark

Let’s start off with the fact that he too feels pain because of his hatsu, but after it rather than before. It’s as inevitable as in Feitan’s case which I think is very funny.

Their abilities are polar opposites : Feitan gets hit first and then can enjoy the show and lay back as he watches all the destruction. Sure, his arm won’t heal because of that, but at least he lot the anger out of his system.

Shalnark will suffer from muscle pain for days after, and he wasn’t even there to see it. His ability is as impersonal as it gets.

For him it’s about control.

He’s a manipulator and uses people like dolls. He makes them loose their free will and turn into machines. He knows how horrifying loss of agency can look. But he’s willing to do that to himself! Id even say his ability is even more ironic than Feitan’s, because he’s subjected exactly to the thing his victims are. Ofc it’s willingly but when he’s in autopilot mode, he’s his own tool.

He says that he doesn’t like his ability and uses it during emergencies. We don’t even know how strong it makes him, but it might enhance his strength up to Uvo-level.

Shalnark is a computer genius and a technology nerd, so for him the manipulation is robotic rather than emotional. He takes people and makes them to puppets,as if they’re not alive. But he himself thinks of his role in the Spider as a cog in the machine and there’s something sad and endearing about it.

He’d prefer death over working for someone he doesn’t like and being their tool,but he’s fine with being that for the Spider and Chrollo.

Makes me think how he rejected his humanity and how he and Chrollo both instrumentalised their existence. Will Chrollo ever come to realise that it’s wrong?

[purple-space-aliens]

I hope you learn to listen to science. I genuinely wholeheartedly hope that your experience hasn't harmed you if you truly are a system. Trauma is tough, I hope you find peace.

Endos may be scientifically impossible, and the endo community has done horrible things to the system community as a whole, but I truly do hope you are okay, regardless of being horribly misinformed.

omg our first hate ask! our blog is big enough for that, yippee! /s

violet here! okay, so normally i wouldn’t respond to this kind of thing very intensely because honestly we don’t like getting into syscourse much. however, this is a good time and place to put our stance on things, as well as answer this ask anyways. (everything is going below the cut now since it is a bit long)

okay so first of all, i wanna address the fact that you are implying that we’ve had trauma, and this isn’t really true. sure we’ve had a few scary events and whatnot from when we were younger, but we don’t really have trauma. our family is and was, for the most part, kind and caring as well, and hasn’t informed us of any traumatic events.

back when we thought we were traumagenic, as it was the only type of system we had known of at the time, we were stumped on one thing. where our trauma was. and believe me when i say we dug and dug and dug, trying to find anything that would be traumatic. it became a major life focus, made us paranoid, and made us feel horrible that we hadn’t found anything. we tried to force memories that didn’t exist. starting becoming scared of things that had never happened to us. tried to reason that fictive exomemories must be telling us something about our past trauma. and yet, we found nothing.

so, despite having no trauma whatsoever, we still felt all of these things. we were scared, and felt horribly like frauds. during therapy sessions about plurality, we shared almost nothing because we were scared that because we couldn’t find our trauma, that we couldn’t be real. we were told by both the therapist and our mom that our headmates were not real. cyan started to push us away in fear. headmates began to hide themselves away too. even our happy littles, who are the whole reason we know we’re plural, hid. the only two people near the front were cyan and purple. both of them were screaming and crying at each other. cyan told purple to go away because e “wasn’t real”. purple broke, and after months of feeling so happy together, we broke apart, feeling more empty than before.

and yet, the headmates never really left. we continued to show up, even though many of us were in denial about being real. we are still there, a long time after being told we didn’t exist. we still experience changes in who controls the body, contrasting likes and dislikes, very different personalities from each other. we were still there.

so, we eventually stumbled onto the term endogenic, and things just kind of clicked. hearing that we are a system, even though it wasn’t caused by trauma was life changing. finally, we started to feel whole, we started to feel like we understood and belonged. we realized that we are still real, and much more real than we were when we were digging for trauma that didn’t exist. that’s how we know we’re real. we know our own experiences, and one person telling us that we’re “scientifically impossible” and doing “horrible things to the system community” isn’t going to change that fact that we exist.

however, i’m not done yet. you happened to say that endos are “scientifically impossible” and doing “horrible things to the system community”, as previously mentioned. however, these claims aren’t really very true.

firstly, i would love if you could provide me some actual evidence that endogenic systems can’t exist, since you are the one making such a claim. secondly, some evidence for endos being harmful would also be great as well.

thing number one, here is an article that is commonly brought up in endo related debates that i could not leave out. i suggest you check it out and give it a good read. since it is a source that mostly speaks for itself, i will simply let you read the many pages worth of information on endogenic systems.

in addition to that, here is another article i found on my own time, and while it is not particularly about endogenic systems, i felt it was informative regardless. i would like to preface this by saying i am not exact a fan of this article, as there were some parts that i didn’t like how it was written and what not, but it is a third person perspective, neutral group, with no bias. if i am reading it correctly (which i really do hope i am, though sometimes i do fail on my reading comprehension), the article is about the ties in plurality and other identities, as well as making comparisons in traumagenic plurality versus other pluralities, tulpas and endos. primarily, the comparison section is about tulpas and traumagenic, and i am not well educated on those, so i will be leaving that part at that. what i’m primarily here to call out is the way it describes how similar the experiences and symptoms are noted from both traumagenic systems and nontraumagenic systems, as well as the segments where it states that many traumagenic systems may not meet all the criteria’s for a diagnosis. i bring this up because it seems as if some anti endos think that to be plural you MUST fit all of the diagnostic criteria AND be traumagenic, when this does not appear to be true. the DSM is NOT a holy text, and scientists discover new things quite frequently.

for you last point, i’m a bit confused on where you’re getting that the endo community has “done horrible things to the system community as a whole”. i have never seen that before, and that is an incredibly bold claim to make without presenting any evidence of this happening. since i’m not exactly sure what you are talking about, or what you mean by “horrible things”, i will just says that endos are not harming the plural community. for starters, “plural” is a term that INCLUDES endos, and i believe it was MADE for this purpose (however i currently cannot find the source for this information, i have seen it many times). so, by pushing endos away, the PLURAL community is being harmed. i since i assume you are equating traumagenic to DID/OSDD (which i believe are not the same, but i am unsure of where any sources on that are either), i would also like to inform you that i have NEVER seen an endogenic system claim to have DID or OSDD. endogenic systems are NOT inherently claiming to be a disordered system. we are NOT taking away from traumagenic systems.

that being said, i would LOVE to inform you that we ARE okay, and are doing quite well as we are becoming informed on endogenic systems. thank you for your time to anyone who read this!

also please let me know if i said anything stupid, or messed up! i have no idea if i’m doing this right at all! i’ve never really done syscourse like this before so this is a first! (and please let me know if the second source is bad, since i bet someone is much better at reading and breaking down those types of studies and articles)

[magpod-confessions]

hi. so because i'm normal about jonathan sims and jmart. um.

i really like jmart. i think there could have been MUCH better buildup, but... ultimately it's a very cute ship. i think the appeal, yeah, is a lot that it's just canon. but.

they're both deeply broken people. jon wasn't loved enough. his grandmother tried her best, but he was never cuddled, never read to, never had a chance to *be a little kid*, really. and martin was never loved. maybe he convinced himself he was just never loved the right way, that his mum just didn't know how to show it because he was so *insufferable* and *incompetant*, but no matter the lies he tells himself, martin was not shown love by his mother.

and then they meet. and martin gives and gives and gives because that's all he knows. and jon has no idea how to receive because he never really had anything to receive. and jon's coping mechanism, with that unknown situation, is to reinforce his emotional walls. martin does not know how to stop giving. so they don't work at this point, not at all.

and then jon's emotional walls come tumbling down. well, moreso that they were violently destroyed, with prentiss and all. jon has no support system!!! tim hates him because he's a fucking *stalker*, martin... well... he can't rely on martin, of all people. and sasha... he never knew her too well, but she's acting strange. so jon and martin don't work together at that point, romantically, i think partially because jon won't let it.

in big part, jmart is built on mutual trauma (NOT traumabonding!! i know it's used that way in podcast, but that's not the correct definition) and ... martin being pretty much the only person jon has left. of course, there's basira and melanie and georgie, but they don't *get it*. they didn't go through everything jon did alongside him. sure, martin didn't either, but martin has been there the whole time.

it's partially a relationship of proximity, partially shared trauma, but i do think a lot of it is genuine care for each other (even if that care stems from the former two reasons).

anyways. theyre really cute. tma could have been just as good without it, but---and im saying this as someone who typically despises most romance in media---i really adore them and their dynamic. it opens up so many doors for both character- and self-exploration.

martin learning to love without sacrificing himself. jon learning to love openly, period. explorations of trust and how mutual trauma that affected people in different ways can shape them, etc etc etc. and of course, this is all in fics and in my own mind, because . theyre dead . (i wont accept any ending but that, honestly. theyre not Somewhere Else to me). but. it's nice. they mean a lot to me as characters and as people and as a pair. thumbs up.

and some jon ranting!! because i. admit. finally. that i might be a bit of a jon kinnie.

jon doubts himself, constantly, unless his decision is completely impulsive (ex. the coffin). he can't *let* himself feel, fully, because as a child it was always annoying/obnoxious, or too much, or wrong in some ambiguous, nebulous way.

he's out of touch with himself emotionally. it's... not so much that he doesn't get emotions, it's moreso that he's repressed the majority of his own so intensely that he has a hard time dealing with others' emotions because he's not too sure what it's supposed to feel like without a heavy flavouring of shame.

he's read a lot of books. he knows, in theory, what sadness or romantic love or anger or excitement feels like---and occasionally in practice, when the repression and 'compartmentalisation' (bottling it up) becomes too much and it all boils over---but he has a hard time relating those hypothetical and heat-of-the-moment feelings to actual, real life people.

he struggles with empathy, severely. partially an autistic thing, partially a trauma response. yknow. he's genuinely well-meaning when it comes to comforting those he cares about, but he's not sure of the right thing to say because of how severely that muscle has atrophied. he was never taught that with his grandmother and her neglect (and yes, no matter what he says on tape, it was emotional neglect) and then not having very many friends... he missed those prime developmental stages as a child.

he never empathised with book characters, i don't think. he was always the observer, never really fully putting himself in the role of the protagonist. he definitely used books as an escapist coping mechanism, but it wasn't in a visiting-this-fictional-world way, it was more of a losing-himself-in-the-story way, if that makes sense. there was always a sense of detachment. reading was an *in between* of his life and the life of the protagonist.

he struggles with his and others' feelings because, from his perspective, his emotions are uniquely shameful, uniquely embarrassing, and uniquely *harmful* to other people. so, he represses them, and doesn't let himself feel them unless they're 'useful'. and then, when he can't apply this ideology to others' emotions, he has no way to deal with them. he freezes up because this is a situation in which he has no real experience in, and, as a child who was punished for behaving autistically *wrong* ---whether by his peers or his grandmother---he's scared to make a wrong move.

he sees himself as a person who is uniquely capable of harm. other people can hurt other people, sure, but jon can hurt them in a *special* way, a *worse* way, because he is a fundamentally wrong, bad person.

yeah👍

.🗣️

I AM EATING THIS I agree with this yea

[croxot]

Here I'll ramble about my favorite games this year.

This sure was a good year, and I have better opinions than the game awards do so I'm just gonna talk into the ether for a bit here.

Once upon a time I liked D&D 5e quite a bit, just like everyone else on this god forsaken internet. In recent years I've been more interested in Pathfinder 2e and Lancer. After so many years rolling with 5e, it became a bit more refreshing to try systems with more specific and rigid rules for certain things. However, a videogame requires specific adherence to rules to function, and in this respect, Baldur's Gate 3 is an incredible adaptation of the system. There's just so much stupid bullshit you're allowed to get away with in game that most devs would not even consider. I may have played thru act 1 like 7 times now and it's still entertaining. Also I went from hating Lae'zel to loving her. Congrats Larian, you made me like perhaps the most annoying person I've ever met in a videogame.

As my bones start to deteriorate I find myself seeking smaller, more intimate games that give a sort of feeling. Lunacid is "like" Kingsfield in the way that it's a first-person dungeon crawler. That's where the buck stops for that comparison gameplay wise. However, Lunacid offers an extremely specific feeling I find is rare in games. It's the same sort of "you're lost and alone but also it's also groovy" feel as Metroid Prime 1 & 2. And if you can capture the same sort of feeling that some of my favorite games ever gave me as a teenager, you're just automatically on my games of the year list.

I saw a gameplay video in passing on twitter, got slightly horny because caked-up goat lady, went to the steam page and saw OVERWHEMINGLY POSITIVE. I don't think my experience with Pseudoregalia is unique. It just feels great to jump around and the music slaps.

Cross the feeling of the open-sea adventure of Wind Waker, with the chase and collection of fishing minigames of countless other titles, and the dread of exploring the uncaring unknown. It scratches a seldom-scratched itch of exploratory joy within an indifferent universe. Dredge's systems can be distilled to the simple loop of growing beyond your own fears to discover more and more. None of these fears is particularly intense, but it's enough. Dredge isn't going to find itself on game of the year lists because it's doing any one thing particularly well. It's also not doing anything specifically or wholly NEW. It is however, more than the sum of it's parts, and it is beautiful.

Remnant 2 is the best co-op souls-style game that exists, tied with Nioh 2. That's it, that's what I had to say. It just real good and it deserves to be on game of the year lists.

So like, late this year, 2 Souls successors came out. Lies of P and Lords of the Fallen. And goddamn did Lords inspire division.

I think these releases really showed that people who are "Souls Fans" really cover a LOT of different specific interests, and not all of these interests are well-represented in every souls-like. Lords, perhaps amazingly, seems to cater to what I particularly want out of a Souls game, whereas Lies of P did not. I like these games for their challenge, sure, but more importantly, I like the character building. The ability to create a unique playstyle that I can take on the game with. This slowly grated on me in Lies of P because the game really only wants you to play it (and succeed at it) a certain way. Because the perfect parry was the truest answer to everything a boss could throw at you, and the dodge sucks ass, I felt more exhausted by the end of the game than anything. I also wanted to try a strength build, but the heaviest weapons cannot manage to fully wind up and land a hit on any bosses past the halfway point. Without any hyper-armor or poise, the "big weapon" playstyle felt completely trash, even outside of bosses. Lords lets me dodge, block, perfect parry, and hey they ALL feel useful. I can actually wind up big weapon hits too! Yeah it feels a bit floaty, and yeah enemy density can be rather crazy at times, but I'm the weirdo who's favorite Dark Souls is DS2. Lords also does ranged combat better than any of it's contemporaries. I think a lot of people also never played the original Lords of the Fallen. Now that game SUCKED. I played the whole thing, my god.

GAME OF THE YEAR BAYBEE

I've already talked about AC6, but again, you can't just get me to complete a game. I see an achievement list and I say "fuck that, I hate that!" I saw AC6's Achievement list and I was rubbing my hands together like a cartoon villain. Like Pseudoregalia, AC6 just feels good to play. It feels so tight, and after a few hours you can feel the minute changes in the way your mech handles even after small part swaps. Anyways it needs DLC with more Rusty content. 12/10.

[ichbinmeltdown]

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT "AUTOBOT SPIKE" and I'm going to ramble about them here

Ok first of all let me say I have a very intense love-hate relationship with this episode and might be biased because I'm transhumanist and desperately want to be a robot, no matter what the side effects would be. I also have some knowledge of robotics and computers, so I'll be basing my takes on that. Please correct me if there's anything I got wrong, I really wanna have a discussion about it, I got inspired by someone mentioning this episode on my dash.

Also, spoilers if you haven't seen it.

I hated that they went with the whole "IT'S UNETHICAL TO MAKE A HUMAN A ROBOT!!!!1" angle. I fuckin HATED IT. Honestly, I would do anything to get put in a robot body. If I woke up as a Cybertronian, I'd hug and kiss Wheeljack while crying and thanking him for finally making me strong and beautiful.

First of all, the situation isn't like Frankenstein's monster at all imo because they used spare parts that they presumably had around to replace their own parts with. Honestly Autobot X is on the same level as a less cohesive-looking Dinobot, in terms of how ethical it was to make him. They didn't see anything unethical about creating the Dinobots. They're not "Frankenstein's monsters". Reckless, yes, but reckless doesn't automatically mean "monster". Why was it ok to make the Dinobots but not Autobot X????

Furthermore, they went on later in the season to make the Aerialbots out of DEACTIVATED SHIPS ON CYBERTRON. That's a lot closer to the Frankenstein's monster story! Dead machines being used to make new ones, and having Vector Sigma make fully realized sparks to place into those bodies. Why, again, was it ok to make the Aerialbots but not Autobot X? The lack of Vector Sigma's sparks? The Dinobots didn't get anything from Vector Sigma and the Autobots didn't seem to mind then!

Really the only unethical part of the Autobot X experiment was how irresponsibly the Autobots did it. They made no preparations and then got surprised that things didn't work. Yes, I get that in that instance it might've been an emergency. But Wheeljack just said "FUCK IT WE BALL" and basically threw shit at the wall to see what stuck.

What I find odd is that Autobot X... had a "personality"? IIRC they made him as sort of a walking flash drive to hold any Autobots during repair. That would be like installing Ubuntu to a flash drive and then saying "I'm gonna use this flash drive for my backups". Why didn't they just leave him as a shell? Wheeljack would've had to go out of his way to create an artificial spark. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE WHEELJACK

Honestly though I feel like, the stupidity of him not leaving Autobot X as a big shell body aside, another problem is he didn't prepare the parts. There's no problem with using mismatched parts, as Cybertronians can swap their own parts out if they get damaged just like a real-life robot could. The best comparison here is when you see those cars IRL that have a door or hood or whatever that's a different color than the rest of the car. It still works, it just looks a little funky. But Wheeljack made ABSOLUTELY NO PREPARATIONS. He and the other Autobots just welded Autobot X together and said "oh well good enough". In my interpretation, Cybertronians have drivers for their bodies so they can work properly- drivers for their optics, speech synthesizers, microphones, each part of their motor system, etc. There was absolutely no indication that Wheeljack went through and transferred over the proper drivers- even then he would've had to edit them because, for example, a cop car's locomotion drivers would be way different from a Jeep's. All these different drivers in one memory bank would... Well, if you've seen driver conflicts on a real computer it's BAAAAAAAAAD. Crashes galore. That's probably why when Autobot X was first booted up he went berserk. The poor mech was in immense pain from his drivers clashing. And then they subjected Spike to that pain too. I can only imagine how bad it would hurt if your entire body was trying to go in different directions at once- and how scary it would be if you tried to move your right arm only for your left knee to bend backwards.

And speaking of conflicts... They not only put Spike's brain on his hardware without making a backup copy (if they could put a human's brain in Cybertronian bodies, presumably they could just... make a backup to keep on Teletraan I? Like in a zip file? I mean... what if someone tripped over the cord and accidentally made Spike unlearn English or forget how to breathe?! BACK UP YOUR DATA, FOR PRIMUS'S SAKE!!! It's like playing with the Windows registry!) but they also put it there when Autobot X already had sentience! Since they transferred Spike's brain over, I assume that they digitized it and turned it to files. However, they didn't port his "code" to the native Cybertronian programming language- it's just raw data of whatever human consciousness looks like to Cybertronian hardware. Then they stuck it there when there was already data, albeit garbage data, in Autobot X's memory banks. Helloooooooo, file system conflicts! "We have these super critical files that we can't risk messing up. ... LET'S JUST HAPHAZARDLY SHOVE THEM INTO RANDOM FOLDERS IN SYSTEM32, HIT YES TO EVERY OVERWRITE DIALOGUE AND THEN PLAY WITH THE REGISTRY! It'll be so much fun!!" - Wheeljack, probably

If they had made the proper preparations, this would've gone over without a hitch imo and the Autobots didn't need to wring their hands so much about the ethical implications. It would be like having someone who was born without several organs and missing all four limbs get donated organs and limbs.

Basically, here's what Wheeljack needed to do.

MAKE A BACKUP OF SPIKE'S BRAIN IN CASE THE WASTE SLUDGE HITS THE FAN

Analyze his brain to check how his own brain communicates with his body so he can optimize the drivers

Port Spike's brain into Cybertronian programming language

Wipe Autobot X's memory banks so there's no leftover garbage data

Tweak each of the robot parts' drivers to play nice with one another

Then and only then can you install Spike's brain.

That's why I'm gonna write a fic where one of my human OCs (who's an animatronics engineer actually) discovers Autobot X and begs the Autobots to try the experiment again with the proper preparations because he, more than anything, wants to be a robot.

I could be totally wrong about all this and forgetting some detail that changes everything, if I am do let me know, sometimes I'm just kinda stupid like that XDD

PS: Autobot X looks badass, I don't know why they all thought he was ugly. I love his mismatched aesthetic. Honestly the whole concept kinda reminded me of my old pre-Transformers robosona, MAV1S. She was left unfinished by her creator and had to build herself with whatever parts were lying around and sure, she does look kinda unsettling because she doesn't have a mouth and her limbs are bare, but Autobot X is made of fully completed parts, just mismatched like a car with 4 different colored doors.

TLDR: The Autobot X project wasn't any less ethical than the Dinobots or Aerialbots. The project only failed because Wheeljack and Sparkplug were negligent as hell.

[chestcongestion]

HUSK SNZCANONS I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING

I am finally back from work/ getting my oil changed and here to deliver snzcanons for my favorite pretty kitty <333

Loud ass dad sneezer, sneezes with his entire head, if he was a weaker person he'd sneeze with so much force he'd knock himself over.

Very heavy on the "R"s, they're almost rolling sneezes.

Lots of "HRR'SssCHUHH!" "HRr'SsHOO!" and the occasional "HHNP'TSSHHUH!"

Usually sneezes in multiple singles spaced apart, doubles or more usually indicates that he isn't feeling well (allergies or illness...or both if he's so unlucky)

Allergic to cinnamon, roses, and the ingredients in a lot of mass-marketed forms of glitter (something he had to learn the hard way when he and An/gel were intimate while Ange was still decked out in full glam from work)

Covers pretty religiously, albeit with some sketchy technique. Tends to use the back of his wrist a lot which manages to cover sweet F.A. 80% of the time.

Is a very wet sneezer, every single one produces enough for a biohazard Jackson Pollock painting.

Can stifle, but it's both very uncomfortable and very obvious when he's doing it because he has to use his fingers and pinch them over his nostrils, and his fur stands on end with every sneeze.

Prone to his sinuses getting very congested, garbled consonants and a nerfed sense of smell, holding a cloth up to his nose to try and keep it from leaking. It almost always spreads to his ears, too.

Whenever his nose is itchy his precious little jellybean twitches and wiggles like a rabbit's nose, even as the skin around it turns pink from all of the pinching, wiping, and blowing.

Has no problem telling people when he isn't feeling well, but hates being fussed over so he usually downplays it.

Best cold remedy that isn't OTC meds: chewing on a piece of goldenrod and getting absolutely sloshed on tea with honey, lemon, ginger, and enough whiskey that it could be used as molotov fuel.

Very drowsy when he's sick, will fall asleep basically anywhere and has to be jostled pretty intensely to be woken up. Favorite place to fall asleep when he isn't feeling well is tucked between An/gel's legs.

Immune system is very good! But when sicknesses do hit, they hit hard in retaliation.

About 2/3 of the time he gets a cold he ends up with a lingering cough that annoys the shit out of him, but upon experimenting with treatments and different positions, they aren't nearly as insufferable as they used to be- coughing on your stomach while your boyfriend pats your back is apparently the prime spot for old grouchy catboys...who knew?!

Finds sneezing fascinating...unsure if it's in a kink way or not, but when the place is empty and he's bored, sometimes he induces either with a cinnamon stick or one of his feathers.

If you scratch a particular spot behind his left ear, he sneezes.

[maybe-buttons]

Hey, it says you used to work as a doctor. I’m sorry if this is a personal question, feel free to not answer at all, but I’m currently preparing for med school exams and while I’m pretty sure this vocation is for me there are definitely a lot of doubts. I’m sure the medical system varies from country to country a lot, I’m Eastern European, but nonetheless. What are some things you wish you’d known upon entering the field?

I think my problem in medicine wasn't so much that I was surprised with the profession but that it's never been a good match for me. I'm not horrible at it - patients do ask for me by name and I've been told I have a knack for solving difficult diagnosis - but I'm also neurodivergent to the point of disability, and the effort it took to work in such a "people" kinda profession was killing me. I did not handle the emotional stress very well, although I don't mind working under pressure. It was just the grief that was too heavy. I also had a VERY INTENSE conflict with one of my residency attendings - my temper is awful and he was up to some bullshit - that made it clear I kinda hate dealing with other doctors, too.

Something that seems to scandalize people is the fact that I didn't find medicine to be rewarding. Whenever I expressed this, usually after some catastrophic case, people would go "well don't you feel rewarded when things go right and you get to send a patient home well?"

And the answer is NO, actually, I didn't feel rewarded, I felt relieved. It took me a while to understand that a profession which causes me feelings that range from utter misery to, at best, a relieved "whew thank god that worked" was probably not a good pick for me. I haven't completely left the area, in the sense that I'm an AI researcher but most my research still centers on healthcare, but the change in career made me realize I'm more of a builder than a helper, and, you know, that's all right. I'm still helping people, it's just being done in different ways, and those are ways I'm better suited for.

Medicine and I were a fork in the soup kinda thing. If you're passionate about it and feel comfortable dealing with interpersonal relationships and all the emotional demands, you should be fine.

That much said, there IS something you should know. Generally speaking, except for one friend who's a pathologist, what all my friends said upon seeing me change fields was "I wish I could do that too". I'm talking like at least 4-5 people. When they say that, they mostly cite as causes: heavy workload in hours and number of patients, bad management, conflicts with colleagues, bad work/personal time balance, growing competition, the need to have a social media presence, and diminishing financial return especially when working with insurance patients.

Nonetheless it's a profession that does pay well when compared to most others - it's just that it pays well for very crushing demands, and a lot of young doctors feel like the costs are slowly out weighting the benefits. Hope this helps!

[grison-in-space]

Part of the problem with trying to protect young people from exploitation and grooming by extremist elements of the manosphere is that our understanding of exploitation and how to tackle it is still hopelessly out of touch. Dr. Firmin explained that the very hallmarks of adolescence that most attract young men to these online communities are also the ones least understood by traditional support mechanisms. During adolescence, young people prioritize belonging, self-autonomy, and independence. This, she said, is a period in which young people are struggling with intense emotions: they are “more inclined to take risks” and are particularly unlikely to think about “long-term consequences.” As such, traditional support services are not well suited to this period, because they tend to be “targeted at individuals who don’t like to take risks and will think about the long-term consequences of their behavior and will be generally emotionally stable.”
While support structures struggle against these typical adolescent behaviors, Dr. Firmin explained, those who exploit young people “will tend to work with” them, offering children

a sense of risk or going against the grain, focus on short-term gains, what it means in the here and now, and push aside the potential negative long-term consequences… They will provide means by which you can be very emotionally driven and passionate…and also validate those emotions as authentic when other adults are saying, “Don’t get so worked up.”

All this resonates powerfully with the tactics of the manosphere. Young people are offered a highly emotive narrative and a sense of deep belonging and community. They are repeatedly encouraged, in incel forums, for example, to take violent action that would position them as countercultural disrupters without thinking too much about the consequences. “It’s very easy to sell those ideas,” Dr. Firmin added, in a community that boasts about “going against the norm.” In the case of the manosphere, she said, that manifests as “pushing against this idea of new masculinity…or men’s increased role in parenting… This narrative would push against all of that, push against #MeToo, so it’s very easy then to sell it as a risk and sell it into this idea of wanting a sense of self, a sense of personal identity.” In some respects, she said, given the current climate, the attractiveness of the manosphere to young men is “not very surprising at all.”

Men Who Hate Women, 2020, Laura Bates.

... Ohhhhh. Well, Bates is talking about young men getting sucked into the manosphere, but TERF tactics make a whole lot more sense now, don't they? There's all this uncertainty in our collective lives, and a simple but risky narrative that just requires brave, passionate folks to stand up for what they believe in to fix everything...

Ah.

For that matter, the same patterns totally resonated with me in my teens and twenties; I just had causes that I still feel good about to stand up for, like queer solidarity and ace community raising and allyship as an active choice.

I'm carrying some grief about that this morning—I have a lot of scars that came from being brave and open and riskily vulnerable and trusting my own resilience and hard work to catch me, and it's been a hard, hard ten years. But I also find myself thinking in the same breath: oh. That's the same romantic tendency that's kicking off the wistfulness about labor uprisings I was so critical of last night, and that association builds commitment to changing the critically unfair economic systems of inequality we live with. That's the same energy that makes so many teenagers so emphatic about climate change. That's the thing that makes my grad students stamp feet and snap "well, it shouldn't be like that then!" while I'm trying to do more with less to support them and keep them safe. And sometimes that makes me adjust my course, often for the better.

Stuff like this really renews my commitment to listening to folks who are significantly different in age to me. Sometimes I think they are missing big things in their politics, but sometimes I think that the uncompromising optimism of what could be is a powerful, heady current.

I've only been an adult for about a decade, is the thing, and I've already watched the activism of the generation of millennial activists I grew up alongside make real, profound changes in the status quo, often but not always informed by the support and lessons of generations that have broken the trails before ourselves. I think there can be a certain complacency about that, an idea that younger folks are going to either save us unassisted (lol no) or pick up largely arbitrary battles and waste the momentum of their energy and commitment. I don't think that complacency is a good idea, but it exists. It's worth opposing.

Just like any social construct, generations are both imaginary and profoundly real at the same time, both a wave and a particle at once. It's worth thinking about what people at different ages and life stages need, and it's always worth thinking about how to build coalitions to best channel and support one another.

[aihoshiino]

After reading the latest chapter, I found it intriguing that right after the panel where Ayumi says that "Back then, Ai was 8 or 9", the next panel has her state that "Ai had grown up to be a woman", despite her being still just a child. No one would call someone that age a grown woman. It's seems like she didn't view her daughter as a child at all (and neither did her creep of a boyfriend) and only saw her as some sort of love rival who's an adult like her even when she wasn't. Ai's mom clearly wasn't fit to be a mother at all since a good mother would've broke up with her boyfriend instead. And even in the way she speaks of herself in this chapter, it's as if she wants Aqua (and the readers) to feel sympathetic. Ayumi truly is an awfully selfish woman and unfortunately she had to be Ai's mother.

anon i literally woke up this morning cooking ayumi meta on exactly this topic in my head and then logged on to see this ask....... you and i shall have a spring wedding

That said, you're right on the money. What I loved so much about the writing of this scene is how intensely real Ayumi feels as a toxic mother. I feel like a lot of people were kind of expecting her to be this over the top cackling Mother Gothel type but like I said in my ch 131 initial writeup, the unfortunate reality is that this is how a lot of abusers look. Like normal ass, regular, pathetic people.

In particular, I really love how deep of an understanding we get of Ayumi's messed up, contradictory headspace just over the course of the four pages we spend with her. She recognizes that she did something terrible and hates herself, but she has surrendered to this sort of self-enforced helplessness with regard to her own issues and fucked up behaviours. She knows that she needs to improve but is self-defeating about her ability to do so and the whole thing turns into a self fulfilling prophecy where she refuses to put in the work because she believes she can't change to begin with but BECAUSE she doesn't put in the work, nothing changes, which reinforces her belief that she can't fix anything so she doesn't try and... you see how the snake starts eating its own tail?

At the same time, though, this surrendering to helplessness is a safety net for her as much as it is a mental trap. By framing her behaviour as something she is powerless to resist or to stop, she essentially frees herself of agency in Ai's abuse and neglect. Being violent towards her daughter is not something she frames as an active choice, but as something she would "wind up" doing, as if by accident or compelled by forces completely out of her control. Not only that, but it allows her to rewrite the narrative for herself with regards to her abandonment of Ai – since she is so helpless to stop her abuse of Ai, the daughter she loves so much, she just had no choice but to stay away. But she was totally going to go pick her up someday, definitely! Never fucking mind that Ai was left there for so long that she aged out of the system before Ayumi ever came back.

It's once Aqua challenges this assertion, though, that the cracks start to form. Though even before that, an attentive reader will obviously have some red flags up – after all, if Ayumi loves her daughter as much as she says she did, then why does Ai describe herself as a person who has never been loved by anyone? At age twelve, no less? That is not even REMOTELY close to a thought a well adjusted and cared for kid should be able to express, let alone sincerely think.

There's always been a theme in Oshi no Ko of Ai being pulled in all directions, in trying to be everything that everybody asked her to be, succeeding and being punished for it anyway. In my CH131 thoughts, I coined the phrase 'adultification' to describe the way adult agency and expectations are enforced on children who are too young as a method of abuse, a direct inverse of the way infantilization happens to adults. Part of the impossible expectations enforced on Ai were having these twin opposing forces of adultification and infantalization inflicted on her in a truly maddening way.

Specific to adultification, though, we over and over see other characters inflict adult agency and sexuality on Ai way before the point that any reasonable person would rationally think to do so. When describing her falling in love, Kaburagi says that her face, which had been that of a child, "turned into a woman's" at a time that we know she can only have been fifteen at the oldest.

45510 seconds this, with the narrator describing how this adultification is inflicted on many young girls in the industry;

"At the time, younger age groups were all the rage, but girls in their formative years could undergo rapid changes as they matured. Once they outgrew that youthful phase, they were evaluated the same way as "ordinary" women."

... only to turn around and do the same thing to Ai:

"Right from the beginning, she exuded a maturity beyond her years, and in the end, she retained a fresh-faced, youthful allure."

With all that in mind, it's not at all a shock that this echoes all the way back in time to the starting point of Ayumi's abuse of Ai. It's reprehensible, but it's also unfortunately deeply real – it is heartbreakingly common for victims of CSA to be blamed for their abuse, as if being victimized by adults is something they have any agency in.

In this instance too, Ayumi distances herself from her own agency and culpability in Ai's abuse. Look at how she frames things and the issues that she centers; it isn't her own insecurity, toxicity and violence that ruined things. It was Ai's beauty. Ai growing into a woman. That she can say such a thing without blinking betrays so clearly that for all she insists she loved her daughter, Ai was never really a child to her. And the moment she realized Ai was attracting the attention of a man, Ayumi didn't see her as a child being victimized but as a woman posing a threat, a romantic and sexual rival who needed to be beaten back into line and shown her place. Even her anger at Ai's stepfather is so, so telling – the framing makes it clear that her anger is not that of a woman raging against someone who posed a threat to their child, but as a woman resenting a man who was unfaithful to her.

For all that she cries and self flagellates, Ayumi basically lays it all out in her own words without even meaning to. She doesn't take responsibility for her own actions, nor does she even really frame them as being central to the chain of abuse that destroyed not just her family but robbed Ai of her life. Even through her tears, she pushes Ai to the forefront while framing her abuse as a thing that just "ended up" happening, that she was powerless to stop. When talking to Aqua about how she can't make amends, the word she uses in the Japanese text is actually 贖罪 – Atonement, the same character used as the chapter's title.

But the thing about atonement is that you can't atone for a sin you don't take responsibility for. And Ayumi makes it heartbreakingly clear that for all her regrets and her pain, she has not come close to taking responsibility for the harm she inflicted on her daughter. And even if she did? It's too late. Ai is gone.

It's just as Akane says. There's nothing here anymore.

[lai-mar]

You know, I really appreciate that you’re out here defending this widely hated relationship. Maybe it’s because the anime-only fans are a very vocal majority right now, but I’ve seen people who ‘watched the anime then read the manga’ *still* shit on Laios and Marcille’s friendship. Like you don’t have to ship it but if you deny that they care about each other or deny that they have chemistry, did you even read the comic?? ‘Oh they’re just siblings/siblings-in-law!’ have you ever had a sibling. have you ever had a sibling-in-law. they do not act like siblings they act like *intimate* best friends. ‘Ridiculously comfortable around each other’ best friends. They have a relationship outside of Falin, that is what develops over the entire damn story. 90 chapters. What comic were you reading where you think Marcille can barely stand him.

Thanks for the ask! Very cathartic to see this. About to go on another rant again lol (will be repeating some of my old points but yeah I need to get it out of my system)

"Defending widely hated relationship" + "anime-only fans are a very vocal majority"

Okay, let me play devil's advocate for a second here. Let's say I despise L/M as a ship and it squicks me out greatly and I think it's a boring ship of pairing the male lead and the female lead. What should I do? Obviously go into L/M posts and argue about it instead of blocking the tag and stating my stance my calmly when someone asks me like your average fan who knows how to curate their fandom experience.

Okay, more devil's advocating. I despise L/M as a ship but I have read the manga and engaged with it critically and understood its themes. Which means I like L+M as a friendship in the same way I like the themes of eating and life cycle and the friendship between the party and the worldbuilding. Because all of these are core parts of the story told. So what I do is to block all shippers and ship tag and look for platonic fics and fanart like Your Average Fan Who Curates Their Experience.

Like I'm sorry. I genuinely feel some people are so caught up in the intense fanonisation of DM that they start forgetting about canon. And I KNOW I am not the only one feeling this way because I read the notes on my posts and other people's posts and there's a lot of good thoughts on this. Plenty of people appreciate them. But to some people in the wider fandom, are we reading the same manga? Our male lead and female lead are friends who save each other. They are not together canonically. So canonically, they don't even get into the way of shipping?????? People can have important intimate friendships outside of romance??? And it's a canon well established friendship? I would say it's one of the most well developed dynamics in the series that we see? We get shown and not told? We see images and words and interpret them in our brains?

Devil's advocate level 3. Let's say mainstream fanonisation of DM is real. F/M is a canon ship and they get together and they get married in the end and L+M become sibling in laws. Maybe L/K is a thing. This still does not erase the entire journey L+M and co went on to save Falin. This still does not erase their friendship and chemistry.

"‘Oh they’re just siblings/siblings-in-law!’ have you ever had a sibling. have you ever had a sibling-in-law."

Okay. I do have a sibling. At this point I've long accepted this much be some sort of cultural difference and some weird American / Western thing I am not used to. And the hilarious thing about DM is that we do get canon siblings!!! It's the fucking premise! Falin and Laios!! And they're fun!

I'm sorry but this must be some cultural difference. Like no younger sibling is calling their older sibling by their GIVEN NAME. The sheer disrespect. I'll be scandalised. As a person with a sibling I don't understand the fandomisation of making non related people siblings in fanon? I'm calling my friends my friends, not siblings. My sibling is like a sibling to me. My friends are like friends to me. Idk. I've written the word sibling so many times that it doesn't seem like a word anymore.

Obviously these are just my personal thoughts but I feel like objectively, there has been a fandomwide trend of grabbing a canon friendship between a man and a woman and going "THEY ARE SO SIBLINGS CORE XD" (not siblings in canon) (not related) (don't even look similar) (they're friends). A lot of times this is valid and even fun but sometimes I get the feeling people sometimes push the fanon sibling thing to show they're squicky about them romantically. To which I can only say: a man and a woman can genuinely only be friends. If you need to magically make them related so you / other people won't see their friendship romantically... it feels like a step back. Why are we doing heteronormativity.

I think I'm the type of person who enjoys and mains man + woman friendships in fandoms (which are, unsurprisingly, unpopular as ships and even as friendships until I start spreading propaganda and pumping fics on Ao3), and I think one of the things that get me is. A man who could be attracted to women + a woman who could be attracted to men having great chemistry but staying friends. I want to stress this is different from a man who is not interested in women / romance + a woman who is not interested in men / romance because there is almost zero chance of a reciprocal romantic relationship going on. But for the first case, which I feel like many people dumb down to "straight people shipping", it's even more precious for them to stay friends and not give into the heternormative expectations despite one or both of them possibly (but not necessarily) being heterosexual. Like, here are two people who could date each other but they're like "nah we work better as friends, so we stay friends". To me, this is one fantastic argument for friendship. Not everything has to be romantic. Even better if they considered and thought about the logistics, but decide their relationship is more special non romantically. Having a taste of how their relationship could go and going "thanks, but no thanks". Is this not a great display of sincere and stable friendship compared to people going "lol they can't work as a ship because they simply physically cannot tolerate the thought of each other romantically". I'm rambling here but I feel like this is what I feel across various dynamics and fandoms. At this point, I think somehow non romantic relationships genuinely fascinate me more than ships. Save me QPR save me.

"They have a relationship outside of Falin"

I feel like some manga readers have missed the point so badly when it comes to this. It's hilarious. They have a relationship outside of Falin it's the whole fucking point about coming to terms with grief and death! You know, one of the core themes of this story that you finished!

And of course this doesn't erase the love they have for Falin. Falin is clearly beloved and their main motivation, but hilariously enough (for the L+M deniers), the manga shows Laios and Marcille's "true" innermost desires being granted and it's not about reviving Falin even though they both clearly want her back and it's at the forefront of their minds. Laios turns into a monster. His curse isn't about Falin not coming back (even though that was his immediate thought), it's about him not being able to interact with monsters ever again. Marcille was traumatised by what happened to Falin (nightmare chapter) but when she turns into a dungeon lord, she goes about trying to fix the lifespans, showing her fear of loneliness and all her loved ones (NOT just a single person!!!!!!!!) dying before her. You can argue they didn't revive Falin with magic lord powers because they don't trust the lion / trust their own plan of eating her, but I think the manga focuses enough on their desires for the interpretation of "the lion fulfills their innermost desires that define their existence" to work. Marcille is the one who finds Laios first after he turned back and Laios broke Marcille free from the lion's influence etc etc we know they play a part in each other's arcs. Laios says they wouldn't be on this journey if Falin hadn't been digested. Marcille says in the end she was okay with Falin not being brought back this time. Laios invites Marcille to stay with him. It's in the text.

"Boring straight ship" or whatever

This comes from what a friend said about my main duo of another fandom but it's like "why isn't [ship] more popular" "because it's easy to fall into the boring trope of pairing a man and a woman together".

And this is a thing that does happen! But not to pairings with strong canon foundation and chemistry sorry. Don't look at me, look at canon. A male/female ship with good canon support is a good ship. Why are you surprised. People like shipping characters who spend lots of time together saving each other and all that. Dare I say: sometimes (sometimes) shipping "straight people" is more respectful to their canon friendship than shoehorning them as siblings. Which I believe is true in the case of L+M.

Anyways. Well that was a nice angry rant. Sorry I had to get it out of my system. I've spend too much time writing this so I won't be doing much proofreading lol. If you've reached this point, thanks for reading <3

[a-taut-thread]

Machines of Wartime AU character study #1: Unparalleled Innocense

Buckle the fuck in folks this is gonna be another long one because I'm passionate about how I characterize them here. Long post again, so more info comes after the cut. Note for reference and clarity that throughout this post UI will be referred to with they/ae pronouns quite interchangeably, so instances of either set are in reference to them.

No real major content warnings here, although I'll give a small warning for self destructive behavior, as well as a more minor precautionary warning for brief mentions of neglect and dehumanization from their admins.

UI is, essentially, a high energy constant stimulation seeker at their core, and a lot of what they do shows it in some way. It's a major reason (along with far less personality shaping going into their generation) behind why they used to be quite mean here before making steps towards improvement. They were never taught a healthy outlet to seek stimulation, so they will try pretty much anything to see what sticks; pretty much anything that gets a form of reaction from others is included in what does stick.

Spreading rumors and other bits of info makes people react, whether good or bad. This means results. People who learn them often further spread them. This means even more results. And when you build a reputation for yourself as "the mean rumor spreader", these results will get back to you all over again. Messages, reactions, more people coming to them to start shit; it's all results and reactions and stimulation. It's an easy way to get what ae want... even if it means people thinking less of aer for it. But hey, can't get lonely if you're constantly too stimulated or too busy seeking more of everything to really think about how nobody quite genuinely likes you! It's easy when you don't let yourself focus on feelings, just shut down any attempts at self awareness!

The reason they're like this, in reality, primarily comes not from being truly mean or spiteful at their core, but just from being built in a way where lack of proper guidance or true care from their creators after creation has left them both feeling a little abandoned ("why bother behaving when nobody cares about me anyway") and physically incapable of tolerating understimulation ("if I'm not doing enough it almost physically hurts"). They have incredibly high processing power; a measurable amount more than even Pebbles, and Pebbles and UI are respectively the first and second iterators of their generation to be created. If they're not using enough of that processing power, it drives them up a wall a little; they genuinely cannot stand being in a state where they're not receiving enough stimulation of some sort. They hate boredom and lack of activity and even just sitting still for too long. Movement, sound, reading messages, running 5 background processes at once, taking on multiple high intensity projects, whatever; it's all the same as long as it gives aer what their systems crave. More stimulation. And saying and doing shit to get reactions is heavily related to that; it's negative stimulation seeking behavior that was never properly taught as "don't do this it's not healthy", because quite frankly aer admins don't care what ae do, as long as ae have a high work output. They're just an iterator after all, right?

And then we come to why they're not really like this anymore, way more toned down in how they act. One big reason is simply time and maturity; they've gained more life experience and kind of just grown away from this sort of behavior in favor of better outlets. They're still young and reckless, but not as overwhelmingly so after a good few decades of time to live and grow. They've seen that it makes people not like them to act like that; even now they still have no real friends due to their reputation. It makes them lonely now that they've calmed down enough to actually think about how others view them instead of living in the moment; they don't want to be lonely. They don't want to be sad. Ae don't want to experience negative emotions, because feelings as a whole tend to be very intense for aer and bad ones really suck to deal with. And they want to get away from these feelings.

Another big reason is because of Pebbles, as was alluded to a little in this post. He's their partner, he cares about them, and they care about him too. For one thing, they don't want their own behaviors to reflect poorly on him by proxy; they're self aware enough now to see that this could happen, and they don't want anyone else to be made to feel like a bad person simply because of being associated with them. They don't want this for someone they love. For another thing, he honestly just makes them feel seen. He can see that they struggle quite badly when understimulated; but unlike aer admins who simply ignore anything that's not work and results and responsibilities, he actually cares enough to help them find a healthy outlet to, well, actually properly stim instead of leaving them to seek unhealthy, and ultimately self destructive since it blows up their ability to maintain friendships, methods. He views them as an entire person deserving of respect, not just a machine with a purpose. That's why they're actually together quite a lot; he's willing to give them what they need to get that stimulation in a more healthy way, whether that be engaging them in direct conversation or letting them constantly fidget with his clothes or just giving them a good squeeze because ae like the feeling. He loves them and cares about them and will go out of his way to keep them happy and engaged and focused on more positive outlets. He involves them in projects a lot because they're actually a very good worker when they care about the task at hand, and they love being delegated tasks to engage with! Giving them more tasks + generally more ideas on how to properly and healthily stim is exactly what they need, and he gives it to aer. It's a big part in why the two of them have a very strong relationship now, the level of genuine care and respect they've cultivated for each other.

They're actually getting a lot better now! They've mostly moved away from the more toxic sorts of behaviors they used to display, since they now have much better outlets. They're not a completely different person personality wise; they're still quite socially driven, and ae do love a good bit of interesting information. They're just mature enough now to not spread things they shouldn't. Ae still don't have true friends really, but they're working towards that and finally starting to gain acquaintances who actually like them and value them for who they are as a person. And they're a lot happier for it; they feel seen and valued and like they have actual reasons to try and be better now. They are loved, they are seen, and they are better off for it.

TL;DR UI is essentially a high powered supercomputer with ADHD that went completely unmanaged for a long time, and as a result they started seeking out negative stimming behaviors. They were never shown anything more healthy as an alternative. They matured over time and were finally shown better stimming methods by someone who cares about them, and it's helped them grow and improve a lot.